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Funny War Poems | Funny Poems About War

These Funny War poems are examples of Funny poems about War. These are the best examples of Funny War poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | I do not know? | |

My Declaration of War on Self-Imposed Stupidity...WHO'S COMING WITH ME?!

All this hyped up glam and glitz
  giggly girls break down in fits
    these mascara clad boys devoid of wits
The shallower they go,  the deeper it gets
 
Sillouettes lacking inner angles and lines...
 The substance goes absent when the light shines...
Plotless drama without direction, still winds
 These tragically bad fads spread like vines

Overrun with Reality shows depicting what's REAL
  A mass zombie audience digesting their meal
Not In, but outside, this box they soften like veal
  Staring at a screen that numbs how they feel

When did the war on intelligence start?
  Losers not knowing that losing's not smart...
Cable providers gladly doing their part
  News channels selling half-truth ala carte

I will be a rebel and fight for your mind
 Hiding remote-controls where they won't find
Trading entertainment for knowledge in kind
  Giving books out to the voluntarily blind

 
It's gonna be a BATTLE!!!  WHO'S COMING WITH ME??!!
   
         
  




Details | Free verse | |

The Cold War

I am winter's nemesis.I fight it tooth and nail.
In my youth it declared a war on me.
When I licked that icy rail.
Winter has many weapons to choose from.
Fear not for so do I.
A call my shovel Excali-burrr
My Ranger has four wheel drive
But winter's arsenal is no laughing matter
Icicles sent to impale, and black ice is its deadly device
But the human spirit is not that frail

I am winter's nemesis, and though it muffles all sound
This war is raging with bitter disdain.
My driveway the battle ground
I shall not relinquish my parking spot
to your mindless rabble of flakes
So bow to me you wretched season
For I shall never tire. 
and my staunch ally will soon be spring
and together we will force a cease fire

For I am winter's nemesis
And these walls shall not be breached
Until my tour of duty is done
and I retire to Miami beach


Details | Rhyme | |

The anomaly of irony.

Rolling through a bloody mess,
my master died alone no less.
His mercy was indeed a lie,
he said I lived but now will die.

His hand was swift with a mighty stroke,
within a thought my life was broke.
Oh how I lived, and he knew not,
but now I lay...my life to rot.

No foot, nor hand could move a limb,
Three days old and no sign of him.
And then he came at my wits end,
With strength alone I cant defend.

He lift me up and broke my jaw,
Just to laugh as I hit the floor.
He took a blade and made a fist,
stabbed his flesh, his vein, his wrist.

Now you're dead and now you're mine,
drink from me and you'll be fine.
I could not stand my masters site,
I killed him quick with my own bite.


Details | Bio | |

hell was other...

hell was other
people’s lives, 
wayward wit and 
witless pride, 
played upon 
the green of life, 
until the light
was left to right,

hell was other
people’s thoughts,
fraught with that, 
that we applaud, 
aimless aims and 
limbless lots, 
the truth in truth 
we soon forgot,

hell was other 
people…


Details | Rhyme | |

Kilroy Was Here

There was an elusive little guy often espied during World War Two,
And who he was and whence he came no one ever really knew!
He was a bald headed little feller with a very prominent nose,
And he always left the message "Kilroy Was Here" in very stilted prose!

You seldom saw his eyes and his hands were clinging to a wall.
Many G.I.s saw him in latrine stalls and in their greasy dining hall!
His origin and parting message are debated to this very day,
And no one has ever nabbed the graffiti artists who always slunk away!

He was portrayed in cruisers, battleships and even on submarines!
Kilroy's portrait was tattooed on the chests of a few diehard Marines!
'Tis said Hitler saw "Kilroy Was Here" and wondered what it meant,
Thinking it a secret code when found on American accouterment!

Kilroy became as famous as the mysterious smile on the Mona Lisa.
(I even saw his mug when I climbed to the top of the Tower of Pisa!)
Rosie the Riveter may have been guilty, if the truth were told,
Of tracing Kilroy's image on bombers, including the bomb bay hold!

Well, 'tis for sure we couldn't have won the war without the little guy!
Kilroy's antics lifted morale at home and overseas, that you can't deny!
But you haven't seen the last of him, for he is forever etched in history,
On the World War Two Monument in DC - how he got there is a mystery!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

For those a tad younger who may have never heard of Kilroy, go to your search
and type in "Kilroy Was Here" and click the Wikipedia notation and you will learn
more than you ever wanted to know about him!


Details | Rhyme | |

im just gonna snap okay get over it

i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee

i hate you 
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate

you were so nice in the beginning 
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow

i am still the nice guy 
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.

i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant


Details | Epic | |

The Idiom and the Oddity Part7 Fina

So, as we say in Greece
That’s where I’ll End my story
For the things that happen next
Weren’t made for song of glory

So many Tails, throughout the ages
Have spoke of love and loss
Of  passions and betrayals
The triumphs and the cost

But never was one told
That meant as much to me
To launch a thousand ships
And survived through history

And with every great Greek story
There’s a lesson to be learn
So, I’ll leave you with this message
Now the last page, has been turned 


The moral still stands true
Throughout all time, which passes
Don’t steal a person’s love away
And beware Greeks bare-ing asses 

THEE END                   Authored By Jerry T Curtis 
                                       08/10/2014
                                       The Year of The Horse


Details | Light Poetry | |

Medieval Camelot

I’m sure you’ve heard of the Great King Arthur and Lancelot’s well-known fame.
But there was yet another knight, of great glory and great fame, never named.
His name was whispered constantly, everywhere, around those hollowed halls.
For no one wanted to be near when he passed by, on his famous unerring walks.

A knight so very gallant, that he would bow to: every fashion of maiden, high or low.
So fierce his life could not be taken, no matter how sharp the blade, they did throw.
A musical quality followed him everywhere, and his livery was absolutely divine.
He would have been the perfect knight, except for one minor, itty bitty, tiny flaw…

What was his name, you may ask, and what led to such glory and illustrious fame?
He was Sir Dragon Sparkle Farts, and yes, you can guess, what earned him that name.
You see, an evil witch, he once did fight, and yes… he absolutely won, most verily.
But before the witch became undone, she sprinkled a curse upon his own, to be.

Whenever others are about, you guessed it, yet again; he had sparkle farts, my friend.
Do not laugh; he was to all, a dearest friend. Tho the trouble caused, was rampant, in the end.
You see, in that time the villages were all made with beautifully made, thatched roofs…
He flew betwixt and between, yet, an occasional spark now airborne, did veer off, poof!

So for the most part he walked in town, though the wheat fields were often, set off.
At least the castle was made of stone, though many a tapestry did not survive, well off.
Indeed, a water bucket brigade, became put at his disposal, simply all the time, amen!
And nobody did tickle him, for fames from both ends, became quite rampant then.

Laughter did, yes, the same… But hiccups brought utter flame throwing despair, to all. 
Still he was a beloved knight, so the round table was set to keep his back, to the wall.
The knights all stuck together, thru thick and thin, and yes, even thru his sparkle farts.
But with great sadness: of why such a fierce warrior, could be forgot, I now impart.

You see, his name Sir Dragon Sparkle Farts, did not ring, minstrels romantic thoughts.
Historians, thought his references, just crude, forgettable laughable jokes, The Sots!
But know, when Camelot finally fell, and even he could not stop that inevitable tide.
He flew away, to the great blue North, they say, where with snow and ice, he abides.

Now, young and old, do not be sad… For the moral of this fable holds: 
All he did was: for his friends and the Greater Good… He cared not for Glory or Gold.


Details | Limerick | |

A Leader They Were Proud Of

Soon we all must enter the fray
And keep this injustice at bay
Thus said the major
Who tripped on the floor
Thus ending the war for that day 


Details | Limerick | |

"War of the Worlds" by H.G. (Hebert-Gautreaux) Wells

Martian Gumbo

One of dem Saucer land in da Bayou
Ole Boudreaux out huntin say "Jus who be you?"
Den he point him shodgun
And say "Lookee here son...
Jus found some green OKRA to seasonne my stew!"


Details | Clerihew | |

General Bedford Forest

CSA General Bedford Forest
Mighty killing warrior
Would've won the war no jest
If his horses were survivors

Gen. Forest lost 30 horses during the civil war and killed more soldiers than any 
other general. It could  be said he was lucky or his horses were unfortunate.


Details | Burlesque | |

Suburban Spring

Suburban Spring	
(4.15.10)


	Springtime fills the air, 
			like laughing gas.
		(Or maybe more like whiskey.)
The suburbs are drunk on the nectar of it's dawn.
	Middle-class houses 
			are starting to dance.
		(Or maybe they're just wobbling.)
They vomit whole families onto their lawn.

			I watch them the same way dogs watch TV:
				Confused and intrigued, 
		with a slight urge to pee.

	The father cuts grass, 
			like a sleepwalker.
		(Or maybe more like a zombie -
Ravenous for cheap beer, instead of brains.)
	A six pack later, 
			he starts washing his car.
		(Or watering his driveway.)
He's spreading on wax so he's set when it rains.

	The mother kneels in dirt, 
			tending the garden.
		(More like digging in a sandbox.)
Her spade is rusty.  (Figuratively, at least.)
	A sunset later, 
			she cooks family dinner.
		(Or maybe orders some pizza.)
(If every mouth is fed, she can call it a feast.)

			I watch them the same way dogs watch TV.

	The son plays war games, 
			dying for fun.
		(Or maybe more for practice.)
He whines about fruit drinks, as well as the heat.
	A full pitcher later, 
			tweaking on sugar,
		(Or maybe just corn starch.)
the war escalates, 'til its time to go eat.

	The daughter makes a picnic, 
			inviting her toys.
		(Or maybe not.)
(Her plastic spread can only spread so thin!)
	After the tea time, 
			she's off picking flowers.
		(Or maybe weeds.)
(As long as they're pretty, there's a vase that they'll fit in.)

		They gather, as a family, at the table to say grace.
		They hold each others' hands and say, "Amen."  
			(And proceed to stuff their face.)

	The dog sits by the boy - 
			Loyal and true.
		(Or maybe just hungry.)
He drools as he stares from the corners of his eyes.
	After dinner, 
                     he offers to help with the dishes.
		(Or maybe he demands it.)
The boy sneaks him a bite.  The dog is not surprised.

	Bedtime comes soon after.  
			The kids are sent to brush their teeth.
		(Or maybe just to run the sink.)
They put on their jammies, and to bed, they go.
	After tucking them in, 
			the parents watch TV.
		(Or maybe they just dream they do, 
					sleeping in its glow.)

	The dog is changing channels, 
			looking for a better show.
				Confused and intrigued, 
		he pees on the carpet below.


Details | Quatrain | |

The Earl of Sandwich



Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak

It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich

I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......


For Joe's Sandwich contest...lol


Details | Epic | |

The Idiom and the Oddity Part 2

Page 4

They do not move a muscle                           
Nor give unto their fears
But contemplate their carnage
Have you even not, one tear

Had I known you like I do now
You wicked callous beast
I never would have shown you
That my heart was in your reach

When the first drop of precious blood
Impacts upon this ground 
I swear I’ll not forgive you
And by the Gods I’ll strike you down

But could we not turn, this tide
And you and I once more
Find the love sent from about
And do, as we adore

NO,  cause you insist to make my wish
Lie broken on the floor
And wear a glove while touching love
Just like a filthy whore

Don’t think the Gods won’t notice
You’re defiled and you’re sick
By using love to hide behind
To pull this dirty trick

Page 5

Ah, to one trick there’s another   
And I possess my share
Be patience and I’ll show you
What can happen to your lair

With cunning and with cruelty
My counsel will evoke
A very cunning plan
That would make Poseidon choke 

I will converse, with Apollo
To have the sun replace the moon
So therefore catch a tan
If it’s possible, by noon 

Then I’ll call on my Seamstress 
To sew me something smart
With these hand made silver boots
This is Fashion’s off the charts

Of course all my solders
Will be dressed up in their best
Tunics will be optional
And so might the rest

We will decorate the beach
With a bonfire and some torches
So the enemy can watch
While they’re lounging on their porches

Page 6

Send a ship down to the tropics                                   
I think seafood would be nice
And one up to the artic 
To fetch all some ice

I know some Greek dancing songs
We’ll get the band to play
And I’ll maybe sing a solo
To melt, their hearts away

Cause no one, but no one
Puts a party on like me
And makes the end to every war
A spectacle to see

When things start dieing down
Very late at night
We all crawl to our ships
And we’ll put out the lights

We give them the impression
We’re all drunk and going home
This should make them feel relieved
That we’re leaving them alone

But that is when we pull 
The oldest trick, found in the book
With a sinister contraption
This deception’s off the hook 

To Be Continued.................


Details | Clerihew | |

Archie Bunker

Archie Bunker served in Italy during Dubya Dubya Two,

   And was wounded by an enemy gun that was aimed, Oh! so true!

      He won the Purple Heart and was reluctant to talk about his scar, but,

         Meathead found great glee in reminding him that he was shot in the butt!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 1 in PDee's "Battle of the Clerihews # 2" Contest - February 2012


Details | Rhyme | |

Afghanistan: to the Spiderman cartoon theme

Afghanistan, Afghanistan,
you can't win a war in Afghanistan
ask the Russians and A Mer I Cans,
if they can't do it, than no-one can

Watch out!....The War in Afghanistan


Afghanistan, Afghanistan,
full of Al-Qaeda and Taliban
opium poppies throughout the land,
a big paycheck for Afghanistan,

Watch out!... for The War in Afghanistan.

In the still of night, before he took flight,
Navy Seals dropped by, Bin Laden must die......


Afghanistan, Afghanistan,
it's time that we leave Afghanistan,
We've kicked the Taliban in the Can
no need for us to lose Servicemen


Watch out !... for The War in Afghanistan....

let's leave, get out of Afghanistan...

No more........War in Afghanistan...........


Details | Alliteration | |

Wanda Wages War At the Waldorf

Wednesday, while waiting for the waiter, wanting some waffles at the Waldorf,
a woeful, wimpy, wall-eyed Walter, 
witnessed a wicked, wanton woman (who was wearing a wacky wardrobe and 
wiggling her whoppers)
waddle in walking with her Welch terrior
winking, wooing with wily ways, 
wanting to weaken Walter’s willpower. Willing,.. Walter whistled
 as wife, Wanda, walked in. Well, Wanda walloped Walter with welter-weight wrath!!







Response :
Wonder when the workmen will wash Walter off the walls at the Waldorf?


Details | Limerick | |

Hark--an Angel--The harbinger of all things good

What flies though the air up above
Disguised as a peace seeking dove
For those who've not heard
Drones can send you the bird
From the land of brotherly love

Author's note: Is this really how to win friends and influence people (for the long term)?


Details | Rhyme | |

Lions will be lions


Humiliation occurs
When pigs and monkeys roars
How a pig became a lion?
How , How a monkey roars?
That's when you stop saying NO
Humiliation occurs
When the lions are here
When the lions onshore
Pigs will be pigs
A monkey will stand for
A monkey , no less , no more



Details | Verse | |

How The West Was Won

<                         O ye how the west has gone won
                           now wipe those trails of tears my son
                           dance the ring of fire for fun
                           speak and learn native ways
                           learn not to speak with riffles gun
                           rustle bacon beans  Hey !






Written By Katherine Stella 7/3/11


Entry For Dr Ram's 
Rime Couee's Contest
G.L. All


Details | Free verse | |

Currency War at Davos


Met a hustler named,Funky Cold Cash,

who had a swagger his attitude matched

with buckets of ducats and white collar dollars,

i watched as his limousine crashed...


*


Details | Senryu | |

I Don't Give A Hoot

<                             beneath swollen moon
                               silhouttes conjoinment dance
                               hooting escalates  







Entry For
Sensuous Senryus


Details | Didactic | |

Bazookas In The Bed

          Bazookas In The Bed

We have a mosquito problem
It’s in our house.  It never ends
There’s nothing we can do but shoot them
Then shoot them over and over again
You see…You understand…They’re not our friends
Potions, tonics, sprays all make them happy
It gives them strength to multiply
We’re looking to make their lives less comfy
Less pleasant less satisfied
It’s not from animus or hate
Shells and ammo is the case.  It’s simply fate
And to that end
I stay up late at night and wait  
7 bazookas by my side and sights are ready
And from my bed in the deepest dark
I fire at will!  I fire straight!
The idea is not to simply kill them
Though that would be so very great
But to make them really really dead
With bazooka fire power from my bed


Details | Rhyme | |

Hurry Home

My dear,
As I'm lying on your pillow here

I pray for God to watch over you each night
And help guide you through your daily plights

I can hear sounds of wispiring winds
And see through window's pane a mighty stars spin

Just knowing your battling on foreign soil
Over someone else's turmoils

Makes me just love you that much more
But please hurry home hun to finish your own dam choirs

                                          Love 
                                                Kat
                                                Meowwwww LOL



Tribute To Our Troops And Loved Ones
Hurry Home
God Bless U.S.A.

Also Entry For Brian Strand's 
My Dear Contest


Details | Rhyme | |

The War Zone

I open the door to the bathroom
The girls having just had their bath
And what greets my eyes, I can only 
Describe as a nuclear aftermath!
The carpet is perfectly sodden
It’s been bombarded with towels and clothes
Trickling down tiles is a long sticky mess
From the shower gel that wasn’t closed,
The bath sides are covered in shrapnel 
Bottle tops, bubble bath and shampoo
With a blanket of talcum fallout
Covering the toilet, sink and floor too,
With the hostiles tucked into pyjamas
At least warfare, now, can cease
But it’s going to take forever
To bring this ‘war zone’, peace,
As I get to the end of the cleaning
The girls’ father comes walking in
“Is the water hot enough for a bath?”
And the holocaust starts again!


Details | Rhyme | |

Drippity drip drip

Take me there I don't care Touch my hair Eat this pear!!! I am bare Want to share? Do you care? I am bear I'll let you stare Don't go there By the chair Or on that stair? Your skin is fair You look like Cher Come to my lair But pay my fare Drippity drip drip


Details | Couplet | |

GOOSE BUMPS

GOOSE BUMPS

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j231/the...ean/dtgeese.jpg

I'd thought I found eternal rest
cold hands folded, still, on my chest
but I hear echoes from the past
the trumpet's sound, fierce bugle blast

Coming alert, I look around
burst out laughing, see the sound
source - back to sleep with merry wave
at geese, goose-stepping on my grave ....

Alan McAlpine Douglas


Details | Light Poetry | |

War Of The Sex'es




War of the sex'es 
(Gram’s advice to newlyweds)

Shame on all the “Momma’s boys”
Wanting to have the upper hand
So I am asking all my sisters
To arise and take a stand.
Their mothers all have
Spoiled them by granting
Every whim
From ironing their socks
To giving their hair 
A monthly trim

So what's a bride to do
To change their attitude?
Just say "forget it pal"
Whenever they’re "in the mood"
Then we'll see how quickly
They will pick up a mop or broom
And wipe the floor in no time
 Chasing you around the room

Boys…it doesn't take much effort
To give her confidence a boost
It takes TWO to make a marriage
Only ONE to rule the roost!
Would you rather be a King
In your castle all alone
Or sharing power with your Queen
BOTH ruling from the throne!


Details | Clerihew | |

Essential

John J. Rambo 
Serial commando 
Hurt, but even more puzzled I’m 
Sir, do we get to win this time?


Details | Light Poetry | |

My Big Brother Is Watching You Too

"My Big Brother" up and down the street
  He could be anyone you meet
  Spying on you from the street
  Looking in from every beat
"My Big Brother" isn't that sweet

"My Big Brother" and I don't know why
  Casting in from above the sky
"My Big Brother" the commie spy
  Listening in do or die
  Bringing his book in
  Taught within
My Big Brother, 1-800-LET-US IN
  Caught with paper and a pen 
All because, "My Big Brother" let himself in