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Thanksgiving Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Thanksgiving

These Thanksgiving Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Thanksgiving. These are the best examples of Thanksgiving Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Light Poetry |

The Bird is the Word

I don’t know what I’m complaining about, it’s not like I’ve been cuffed, All I have to do is show up for dinner. After all it’s the bird that got stuffed. It’s not like they’re asking a lot from me they won’t work me till I’ve croaked, All I have to do is show up and eat. After all it’s the bird that got smoked. I can’t tell you that they’ll torture me and it seems to be reasonably priced, All I have to do is visit for a while. After all it’s the bird that got sliced. I could tell them things to make them laugh until their gravy becomes splattered, All I’d have to do is tell a joke to them. After all it’s the bird that got plattered. I think that it smells good enough that I’ll eat until they claim my leg’s been hollowed, All I have to do is not complain about things. After all it’s the bird that got swallowed. I’ve never given it much thought before but a bird’s life is really kind of murky I guess I’d rather be the Thanksgiving guest today than be the Thanksgiving Turkey.


Details | Narrative |

THANKSGIVING TURKEY

They organized a church bazaar,
To raise money for the poor.
A booth for selling chances
Was set up, outside the door.

When I bought the raffle ticket, 
My reasoning was murky,
And I could only just believe it,
When I won that doggone turkey.

Now, the kids were all excited
When we brought the critter home.
So we placed him in the barnyard, 
Where he'd have lots of room to roam.

Since the date was late October,
I'm quite sure you understand,
That to have him for Thanksgiving
Was my awe inspiring plan.

Well, the turkey was no birdbrain,
As I was very soon to find.
That bird knew what I was thinking;
Why, I declare, he read my mind. 

I let the children care for him,
To my most profound regret--
He turned on his charming manner,
And, quickly, he became their pet.

But that fact did not deter me,
I told myself it didn't matter.
I was dead set and determined
To see that gobbler on a platter.

When the kids perceived my purpose,
They turned on the tears and pleas.
Then, the wife joined in their chorus,
And that brought me to my knees.

So I told my grieving family
They could dry up, and relax.
I concealed my disappointment--
Went and put away the axe.

Came the dinner of Thanksgiving,
Not a sad face could be found.
And our live Thanksgiving turkey
Was the gladdest bird around. 

We gathered around the table,
And I humbly asked the blessing--
While Tom gobbled down his corn, outside,
We had hotdogs and dressing. 


Details | Rhyme |

Thanksgiving Cards

Should it happen that someday they're seeking struggling bards,
To compose witty verse for Hallmark Thanksgiving cards,
I think that I should like to summarily submit,
The following mots for consideration, TO WIT:

(1) Savor the oyster dressing, giblet gravy and thigh,
The sweet pertaters, green bean casserole and punkin pie.
Hope you have a goodly supply of sodium bicarbonate,
To counter the wrenching effects of all that grub you ate!

(2) To Grandma's house, hordes of kith and kin will repair,
For a delectable repast (after Grandpa ends his interminable prayer!)
May naught but love and fellowship dwell amongst you there,
As His bountiful harvest each of you gratefully share!

(3) The Thanksgiving meal is over, men folk watch ball teams battle,
While the women folk sit about the table engaged in idle prattle.
Mom's thoughts are elsewhere on how to deal with left over turkey;
She's a genius at creating soups and potpies, even turkey jerky!

(4) A Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.
Relish this time together and have a ball!
And may all with thankful hearts ever lift,
Praise to Him, the Giver of every good gift!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme |

At the End of the Day

There's nothing like it after a hard day's work
To ge stuck in traffic behind some jerk
He smiles in his mirror like he's having fun
So I show him my finger because he's number one

Now rush hour moves at such a horrible pace
By the time I get home there's a beard on my face
If this isn't enough to make you hot
I arrive at home and can't find a parking spot

So I park up the street and pick up a nail
If swearing was a crime, I'd be in jail
Then I walk down the street which was freshly tarred
Our neighbor's dog did his duty in our back yard

I finish my dinner and sit down for the night
To watch TV and listen to the kids fight
I look at the ceiling and softly say
A prayer of thanksgiving at the end of the day.


Details | Limerick |

A Thankful Turkey

Written by Gail DeBole

When a turkey, who yearly escapes
From his owner's Thanksgiving plate,
Was asked to reveal
Why he's never a meal
He said, "That much of a turkey I ain't!"



Note: Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of each November in the United States.  President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed this as an official holiday in 1863.


Details | Light Poetry |

Balloons

I love to watch the bulging balloons go floating by on Thanksgiving Day, Filled with gas and bloated it’s hard to guess how much they must weigh. It’s a tradition at our house to watch them parade as they go bounding by, Look at that one wobble as he makes his way for a piece of pumpkin pie. But all too soon the consumption parade comes to a crashing end, As to the couches to watch the game the balloons will sleepily descend. And into the clear blue November sky each of them dreamily soars, The heights to which they rise are measured by the timber of their snores. And when they awake an invisible rope guides them as if by fate, To the microwave to heat up a second helping before it gets too late. This time of year the only way they know that it’s time to stop, Is when they hear an unnerving sound as one of them goes pop.


Details | Rhyme |

Thanksgiving Leftovers

'Twas the day after Thanksgiving and all of its ado and congestion.
I'd consumed too much turkey and pie and due to its ingestion,
Today, I'm suffering from a very acute case of indigestion!
I should've stifled my gluttonous bent - of that there is no question!

Of turkey meat and the trimmings I've had more than enough,
But my spouse has already planned next week's menu in the rough,
Saying, "You'll eat what I fix and I want none of your inane guff!
I know how to dispose of leftover turkey and all that other stuff!"

So, a hearty turkey stew and sweet taters are on the menu Monday.
A steaming bowl of turkey soup will grace our board on Tuesday.
Two turkey sandwiches with green bean casserole we'll have Wednesday.
Turkey salad and punkin pie will be placed before me for lunch Thursday.

A heap of mashed taters topped with turkey a la king for dinner Friday.
Turkey fricassee with cranberry sauce we'll eat for dinner Saturday.
Enough turkey was available for potpies that we'll dine on Sunday.
YeeHah! Ain't no more turkey - I'll have a cheeseburger come next Monday!

Lord, You know I'm mighty thankful for that which You graciously provide,
And please don't thing me an ungrateful oaf, but if in You I may confide,
May it please You come next Thanksgiving, 'twould be so very nice,
If You'd provide a simple meat loaf, mashed pertaters and wild rice!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Light Poetry |

A Childs Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear Lord, we gather this day to give thanks for what we’ve got, For the blessings that you’ve granted us whether realized or not. For the blessings of family love and our feelings for each other, Even though I will confess to you that I can’t stand my little brother. He never does his fair share when there’s work around here to do, I’ll get back to that situation later and fill the details in for you. I love you Lord for all the gifts; excuse me if I should gush, I’m only asking for a bicycle today to avoid the Christmas rush. I’d like to add a special thanks for giving me a second chance, For softening up my teacher’s heart, I’m thanking you in advance. And dear Lord if you don’t mind as long as I have you on the line, I’m sure that you’ll forgive me Lord because I know that you’re divine. I’d like to ask for one thing more before I let you of the hook, Next year before Thanksgiving comes, could you teach my mom to cook? Because her gravy is too lumpy and the turkey is way too dry, And the only dessert that we have today is store bought pumpkin pie. It would be nice if later we didn’t have to hear my grandpa snore, And keep grandma from drinking wine until she can’t get up from the floor. And watch over my big sis when she’s out with her boyfriend, Dad is sure that they’re doing it so why should we pretend? I guess that’s all I have right now so Lord please be on your way, And when you’re at the neighbor’s house don’t believe a word they say. In case you don’t hear from me again if I should disappear without a trace, I want to say just what a privilege it was to offer up Thanksgiving Grace.


Details | Couplet |

BLACK FRIDAY

The day after Thanksgiving I didn't have to work
So, I decided to do something which was kind of a quirk.

I thought I would do some early shopping
For those Christmas gifts that would be eye popping.

As I started my car to begin my store raid
Something went amiss to stop my escapade.

I opened the hood to find the problem there
When I saw it, it really gave me a scare.

Our neighbor's black cat had crawled onto the engine block
Feeling the warmth, but not taking stock.

When I turned the key to give it a start
The cat shrieked as its tail was nearly cut apart.

Oh, it wasn't intentional that I hurt that poor pet
But you've never seen anything like it I'll bet.

When I heard the noise and the hissing you see,
I thought one of the hoses had broken...leaking fluently.

But it was the cat that was hissing when I raised the hood
All he could think of was to jump for where I stood.

With claws all out and teeth set to bite
Him coming at me was quite the site.

Fortunately he missed me with his outstretched paws,
Or I would have been really attached to those razor like claws.

When he hit the ground he ran away
Scared the crap out of me...that's all I'll say.

So I had to collect myself before I could go anywhere
Went back to the house and just stood shaking there.

Of course, I had to have a pop or two
To settle my nerves before I started anew.

Before I knew it, I was asleep in a chair
I never attempted to go anywhere.

All because a black cat wanted to keep warm
In the end, I was thankful I did so little harm.

"Black Friday" would have cost me a heck of a lot more
Had it not been for that cat's dozing for sure.

So, now whenever I go to the store
I buy some cat food, for that kitty next door.

He still remembers my opening that hood
I still remember him trying to claw me where I stood.

But we've come to an understanding that cat and me
And I tap the car before starting it to let him see.

As it is now...he stays out of my way,
Except when I feed him, for all the money he saved me on "Black Friday".



Details | Couplet |

Be Of Good Cheer This Thanksgiving Day

May tranquility reign and grace your Thanksgiving board this year,
As you thank the Good Lord for all the blessings you hold dear!

I pray that it will be a time of good cheer and not a free-for-all,
As in the dysfunctional family described below, ending in a brawl!

Grandpa said grace that rambled on interminably while stomachs growl.
Grandma had heard enough of that and poked him with a warning scowl!

Pompous Uncle Blimp boasted about the democrats winning the election,
While saner heads steered the conversation in a more innocuous direction!

Ne'er-do-well Cousin Cletus who was recently released from prison,
Wailed about being falsely imprisoned saying the cannabis wasn't his'n!

Aunt Louise complained that she didn't get the turkey gizzard as was her due!
Dad was happily sozzled having consumed too much of his homemade brew!

Little Marvin slopped gravy on grandma's prized heirloom tablecloth!
Nana screeched about controlling your brats - she was most visibly wroth!

The kid howled and mommy hugged him saying, "It was not your fault!"
In the aftermath, little was said except an occasional, "Pass the salt!"

Elbows flew and the hapless turkey's carcass was stripped clean and bare!
Grandpa removed his teeth to take a snooze, fed up with the whole affair!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


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