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Funny Thanksgiving Poems | Funny Poems About Thanksgiving

These Funny Thanksgiving poems are examples of Funny poems about Thanksgiving. These are the best examples of Funny Thanksgiving poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Light Poetry | |

The Bird is the Word

I don’t know what I’m complaining about, it’s not like I’ve been cuffed, All I have to do is show up for dinner. After all it’s the bird that got stuffed. It’s not like they’re asking a lot from me they won’t work me till I’ve croaked, All I have to do is show up and eat. After all it’s the bird that got smoked. I can’t tell you that they’ll torture me and it seems to be reasonably priced, All I have to do is visit for a while. After all it’s the bird that got sliced. I could tell them things to make them laugh until their gravy becomes splattered, All I’d have to do is tell a joke to them. After all it’s the bird that got plattered. I think that it smells good enough that I’ll eat until they claim my leg’s been hollowed, All I have to do is not complain about things. After all it’s the bird that got swallowed. I’ve never given it much thought before but a bird’s life is really kind of murky I guess I’d rather be the Thanksgiving guest today than be the Thanksgiving Turkey.


Details | Narrative | |

THANKSGIVING TURKEY

They organized a church bazaar,
To raise money for the poor.
A booth for selling chances
Was set up, outside the door.

When I bought the raffle ticket, 
My reasoning was murky,
And I could only just believe it,
When I won that doggone turkey.

Now, the kids were all excited
When we brought the critter home.
So we placed him in the barnyard, 
Where he'd have lots of room to roam.

Since the date was late October,
I'm quite sure you understand,
That to have him for Thanksgiving
Was my awe inspiring plan.

Well, the turkey was no birdbrain,
As I was very soon to find.
That bird knew what I was thinking;
Why, I declare, he read my mind. 

I let the children care for him,
To my most profound regret--
He turned on his charming manner,
And, quickly, he became their pet.

But that fact did not deter me,
I told myself it didn't matter.
I was dead set and determined
To see that gobbler on a platter.

When the kids perceived my purpose,
They turned on the tears and pleas.
Then, the wife joined in their chorus,
And that brought me to my knees.

So I told my grieving family
They could dry up, and relax.
I concealed my disappointment--
Went and put away the axe.

Came the dinner of Thanksgiving,
Not a sad face could be found.
And our live Thanksgiving turkey
Was the gladdest bird around. 

We gathered around the table,
And I humbly asked the blessing--
While Tom gobbled down his corn, outside,
We had hotdogs and dressing. 


Details | Rhyme | |

Thanksgiving Cards

Should it happen that someday they're seeking struggling bards,
To compose witty verse for Hallmark Thanksgiving cards,
I think that I should like to summarily submit,
The following mots for consideration, TO WIT:

(1) Savor the oyster dressing, giblet gravy and thigh,
The sweet pertaters, green bean casserole and punkin pie.
Hope you have a goodly supply of sodium bicarbonate,
To counter the wrenching effects of all that grub you ate!

(2) To Grandma's house, hordes of kith and kin will repair,
For a delectable repast (after Grandpa ends his interminable prayer!)
May naught but love and fellowship dwell amongst you there,
As His bountiful harvest each of you gratefully share!

(3) The Thanksgiving meal is over, men folk watch ball teams battle,
While the women folk sit about the table engaged in idle prattle.
Mom's thoughts are elsewhere on how to deal with left over turkey;
She's a genius at creating soups and potpies, even turkey jerky!

(4) A Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.
Relish this time together and have a ball!
And may all with thankful hearts ever lift,
Praise to Him, the Giver of every good gift!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme | |

At the End of the Day

There's nothing like it after a hard day's work
To ge stuck in traffic behind some jerk
He smiles in his mirror like he's having fun
So I show him my finger because he's number one

Now rush hour moves at such a horrible pace
By the time I get home there's a beard on my face
If this isn't enough to make you hot
I arrive at home and can't find a parking spot

So I park up the street and pick up a nail
If swearing was a crime, I'd be in jail
Then I walk down the street which was freshly tarred
Our neighbor's dog did his duty in our back yard

I finish my dinner and sit down for the night
To watch TV and listen to the kids fight
I look at the ceiling and softly say
A prayer of thanksgiving at the end of the day.


Details | Limerick | |

A Thankful Turkey

Written by Gail DeBole

When a turkey, who yearly escapes
From his owner's Thanksgiving plate,
Was asked to reveal
Why he's never a meal
He said, "That much of a turkey I ain't!"



Note: Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of each November in the United States.  President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed this as an official holiday in 1863.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Balloons

I love to watch the bulging balloons go floating by on Thanksgiving Day, Filled with gas and bloated it’s hard to guess how much they must weigh. It’s a tradition at our house to watch them parade as they go bounding by, Look at that one wobble as he makes his way for a piece of pumpkin pie. But all too soon the consumption parade comes to a crashing end, As to the couches to watch the game the balloons will sleepily descend. And into the clear blue November sky each of them dreamily soars, The heights to which they rise are measured by the timber of their snores. And when they awake an invisible rope guides them as if by fate, To the microwave to heat up a second helping before it gets too late. This time of year the only way they know that it’s time to stop, Is when they hear an unnerving sound as one of them goes pop.


Details | Rhyme | |

Thanksgiving Leftovers

'Twas the day after Thanksgiving and all of its ado and congestion.
I'd consumed too much turkey and pie and due to its ingestion,
Today, I'm suffering from a very acute case of indigestion!
I should've stifled my gluttonous bent - of that there is no question!

Of turkey meat and the trimmings I've had more than enough,
But my spouse has already planned next week's menu in the rough,
Saying, "You'll eat what I fix and I want none of your inane guff!
I know how to dispose of leftover turkey and all that other stuff!"

So, a hearty turkey stew and sweet taters are on the menu Monday.
A steaming bowl of turkey soup will grace our board on Tuesday.
Two turkey sandwiches with green bean casserole we'll have Wednesday.
Turkey salad and punkin pie will be placed before me for lunch Thursday.

A heap of mashed taters topped with turkey a la king for dinner Friday.
Turkey fricassee with cranberry sauce we'll eat for dinner Saturday.
Enough turkey was available for potpies that we'll dine on Sunday.
YeeHah! Ain't no more turkey - I'll have a cheeseburger come next Monday!

Lord, You know I'm mighty thankful for that which You graciously provide,
And please don't thing me an ungrateful oaf, but if in You I may confide,
May it please You come next Thanksgiving, 'twould be so very nice,
If You'd provide a simple meat loaf, mashed pertaters and wild rice!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Light Poetry | |

A Childs Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear Lord, we gather this day to give thanks for what we’ve got, For the blessings that you’ve granted us whether realized or not. For the blessings of family love and our feelings for each other, Even though I will confess to you that I can’t stand my little brother. He never does his fair share when there’s work around here to do, I’ll get back to that situation later and fill the details in for you. I love you Lord for all the gifts; excuse me if I should gush, I’m only asking for a bicycle today to avoid the Christmas rush. I’d like to add a special thanks for giving me a second chance, For softening up my teacher’s heart, I’m thanking you in advance. And dear Lord if you don’t mind as long as I have you on the line, I’m sure that you’ll forgive me Lord because I know that you’re divine. I’d like to ask for one thing more before I let you of the hook, Next year before Thanksgiving comes, could you teach my mom to cook? Because her gravy is too lumpy and the turkey is way too dry, And the only dessert that we have today is store bought pumpkin pie. It would be nice if later we didn’t have to hear my grandpa snore, And keep grandma from drinking wine until she can’t get up from the floor. And watch over my big sis when she’s out with her boyfriend, Dad is sure that they’re doing it so why should we pretend? I guess that’s all I have right now so Lord please be on your way, And when you’re at the neighbor’s house don’t believe a word they say. In case you don’t hear from me again if I should disappear without a trace, I want to say just what a privilege it was to offer up Thanksgiving Grace.


Details | Couplet | |

BLACK FRIDAY

The day after Thanksgiving I didn't have to work
So, I decided to do something which was kind of a quirk.

I thought I would do some early shopping
For those Christmas gifts that would be eye popping.

As I started my car to begin my store raid
Something went amiss to stop my escapade.

I opened the hood to find the problem there
When I saw it, it really gave me a scare.

Our neighbor's black cat had crawled onto the engine block
Feeling the warmth, but not taking stock.

When I turned the key to give it a start
The cat shrieked as its tail was nearly cut apart.

Oh, it wasn't intentional that I hurt that poor pet
But you've never seen anything like it I'll bet.

When I heard the noise and the hissing you see,
I thought one of the hoses had broken...leaking fluently.

But it was the cat that was hissing when I raised the hood
All he could think of was to jump for where I stood.

With claws all out and teeth set to bite
Him coming at me was quite the site.

Fortunately he missed me with his outstretched paws,
Or I would have been really attached to those razor like claws.

When he hit the ground he ran away
Scared the crap out of me...that's all I'll say.

So I had to collect myself before I could go anywhere
Went back to the house and just stood shaking there.

Of course, I had to have a pop or two
To settle my nerves before I started anew.

Before I knew it, I was asleep in a chair
I never attempted to go anywhere.

All because a black cat wanted to keep warm
In the end, I was thankful I did so little harm.

"Black Friday" would have cost me a heck of a lot more
Had it not been for that cat's dozing for sure.

So, now whenever I go to the store
I buy some cat food, for that kitty next door.

He still remembers my opening that hood
I still remember him trying to claw me where I stood.

But we've come to an understanding that cat and me
And I tap the car before starting it to let him see.

As it is now...he stays out of my way,
Except when I feed him, for all the money he saved me on "Black Friday".



Details | Couplet | |

Be Of Good Cheer This Thanksgiving Day

May tranquility reign and grace your Thanksgiving board this year,
As you thank the Good Lord for all the blessings you hold dear!

I pray that it will be a time of good cheer and not a free-for-all,
As in the dysfunctional family described below, ending in a brawl!

Grandpa said grace that rambled on interminably while stomachs growl.
Grandma had heard enough of that and poked him with a warning scowl!

Pompous Uncle Blimp boasted about the democrats winning the election,
While saner heads steered the conversation in a more innocuous direction!

Ne'er-do-well Cousin Cletus who was recently released from prison,
Wailed about being falsely imprisoned saying the cannabis wasn't his'n!

Aunt Louise complained that she didn't get the turkey gizzard as was her due!
Dad was happily sozzled having consumed too much of his homemade brew!

Little Marvin slopped gravy on grandma's prized heirloom tablecloth!
Nana screeched about controlling your brats - she was most visibly wroth!

The kid howled and mommy hugged him saying, "It was not your fault!"
In the aftermath, little was said except an occasional, "Pass the salt!"

Elbows flew and the hapless turkey's carcass was stripped clean and bare!
Grandpa removed his teeth to take a snooze, fed up with the whole affair!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Haiku | |

THE PRESENT TENSE


MODERN  DOUBLE HAIKU


don’t hurry today!
surrender hands oven burned 
before tiny tots come

tomorrow not sure
could be black white red or none
today, kiss love sun!


(( happy thanksgiving to all!!))


Details | Acrostic | |

Thanksgiving Day

Tummy, Tummy, oh poor Tummy!
Heaping, steaming platters behold.
A bounty splendorous and yummy,
Nuts to pies to cranberry mold.
Kitchen simmering with flavor,
Smells that cause the nose to rise.
Gather in a whiff to savor,
Indulge behind two droopy eyes.
Voices lure you from your dreaming,
Invite you to your favored chair,
Give you silverware all gleaming,

Do together a Thanksgiving prayer.
And, Tummy, Tummy stop your stressing … 
Yams, green beans, creamed corn, rolls with butter, celery sticks and carrot sticks,
mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, turkey and … dressing
!


Details | Rhyme | |

Turkey Talk

I try to make myself very scarce midst the teeming flock,
To reduce the risk of finding my neck on the chopping block!
Why do you put me through this annual frightful scare?
I pray that I won't become your Thanksgiving fare!

May I propose for your very careful consideration,
An assortment of options for your holiday celebration.
Have you considered a delicious rack of lamb,
Or a scrumptious glazed and juicy spiral ham!

You could save my friends and me so much grief,
If only you'd serve a luscious roast of beef!
As you thank the good Lord for your many blessings,
Wouldn't you prefer a goose stuffed with dressings!

An adjunct to your cranberry sauce and pecan pie,
Could be a savory duck - why not give that a try?
Another suggestion that would please your friends,
Would be to prepare a platter of Rock Cornish hens!

There are many creatures that swim, run or fly,
That could complement your taters and punkin pie!
Better yet, why not concoct a vegetarian meal,
Then, I could forego my urgent annual appeal!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 2 in PD'S "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" Contest - November 2011


Details | Rhyme | |

Spurkey

Who brought the Spam to the first Thanksgiving? The Pilgrims brought the Spam I think The Indian’s brought something to drink Though history books do not repeat it There's more to do with corn then eat it A spurkey is a wondrous sight All pink and juicy if cooked right Shaping it's a little quirky But you can make it look like turkey So what's your pleasure, breast or thigh? Or other part you'd like to try? No light or dark meat, it's a shame All the parts taste just the same The best part is, there is no waste And also, you don't have to baste But unlike birds raised in a coop There are no bones for sprukey soup Happy Thanksgiving Everyone
11/20/2011


Details | Free verse | |

Token

Edit
Token
by Patrick Cornwall on Friday, January 20, 2012 at 10:08am

He was the last of his kind and it was known.

Some dated him one hundred years and he had style.

Christmas was his time and the rest of the year he felt nothing.

But Thanksgiving came and some cared and tried to help.

They came in their vans with  Almighty Church of Thanksgiving and Christmas  painted on its sides.

But after the New Year he was alone again except for his friend the rat.

He slept in the subway, where it wasn't too bad.

His clothes were in tatters  and the rat brought him food.

His  blanket was newspapers which he  read and then slept underneath.

Sometimes the rat read to him while he snoozed.

The niners went casually around him and his newspapers but some listened to the rat reading.

The rat was nice and sometimes the Old Man would read to him too.

The rat loved the funnies and would roll over holding his stomach laughing.

The Old Man grabbed his Thunderbird and gave some to the rat.

The rat drank when in the mood and most times he was.

The rat wasn't supposed to drink because of his high blood pressure.

The old man loved the rat but he often disappeared and it made him sad.

He took a pull and wondered where the rat had gone and braced against the cold.

He saw the rat  sitting in the  booth where the tokens went and rat waved him through.

He was hungry and searching found a perfectly good hamburger in the pickup window.

People watched as he dug in the trash can and the train  lighting the tunnel.

He washed the burger down with the last of his Thurnderbird and decided to get on the train before it came.


Details | Rhyme | |

Thanksgiving Eve

Thanksgiving Eve

Hate the holidays well I got one for you.
Dont have to follow no rules.
Just drink till ya drop.
To what's the ocassion still ya
havent a clue.

Hey there missy.
dont piss and moan just grab a pint
ya big sissy.

No need for a kleenex  just wipe that blood off 
on your sleeve.
Stoner slacker and poets unite for
it's Thanksgiving Eve.

No need to hang anything by the
chimney with care.
But it is a party so lets see your underwear.

Lets beat the holiday blues.
Hey who's drunk and horney?
Short skirts and thoose high heel shoes.

Crank that jukebox hey grandpa theres
no need to leave.
Cause everyone is included on Thanksgiving eve.

Hey amigo if we play are cards right.
we can stir enough stuff to see a chick fight.

Hey whats going on upstairs God only knows.
It's not  cheating just wrestling without any 
clothes.

Hey who just cut a whole in the floor?
hey grandpa ya better watch that exotic woman
your dancing with.
Cause she's a woman with a little more.

Hey ya'll the cops are coming along with a swat
team so it's my cue to leave.
but like that fat prick in a red suit I'll
return to bring ya another great Thanksgiving Eve.


Details | Rhyme | |

Squawk vs Gobble


A man had a parrot that talked so bad
A worst vocabulary no one had

The man attempted to make correction
The parrot threw epithets in every direction

Finally exasperated in a fit of rage
The man pulled the parrot out of his cage

Threw him in the freezer to cool him off
All the while, the parrot just squawked

Then suddenly it got deathly quiet
The man felt things weren't exactly right

He opened the freezer and to his surprise
The parrot began to apologize

For being so vulgar and so obscene
He promised from now on to be serene

He said to the man, I have a question for you
What did that turkey in the freezer do?


Curtis Moorman
23 November 2011


For the Gobble, Gobble contest

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all you Soupers


Details | Rhyme | |

The First Thanksgiving

'Tis said that the first Thanksgiving feast was celebrated in sixteen twenty-one.
'Twas the Pilgrims' first bountiful harvest so they decided to have some fun!
(That was the genesis of church potlucks that are popular to this very day,
And the origin of that American addiction, the all-you-can-stuff-ten-buck buffet!)

They invited Indian friends but with wary eye kept their blunderbusses handy,
In case the guests and their squaws might become sozzled with too much brandy!
The Injuns brought canoes full of maize, deer and fishes from Cape Cod Bay.
(Puritan ladies shyly tittered at the breechcloths worn by braves on that day!)

The Pilgrims had diligently tilled God's good earth to grow vittles for the feast,
And prowled forest and waterway on the hunt for fowl and four-footed beast!
Tables groaned with grub - the menu would've done the Waldorf-Astoria proud.
There was little talk 'cept for an occasional "pass the salt" from that ravenous crowd!

There were apple, peach and punkin pies and heaps of smoked and roasted turkey.
Also, fiery brandy, cider, barbequed beef, lima beans and piles of venison jerky!
Succotash, sweet pertaters, peas and turnips were heaped on pewter plates.
Gluttonous souls were heard to groan and appeared to be in desperate straits!

Missing was the dreaded green bean casserole that hadn't been concocted yet,
Since Campbell's mushroom soup, an essential ingredient, they could not get!
'Twas on that notable day that the strutting and hapless turkey made its debut!
(Oft I've mused - did the Palefaces and the Redskins play a football game too?)

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Couplet | |

Answer to The Childs Thanksgiving Prayer written By Tony Lane

Lord in answer of prayer
Child of mine. I must admit I don’t hear from you very often,
Your brother though is quite devout, to him your heart should soften.

He say’s he works hard to me -  but that you will blame him.
For anything you don’t do, and you will try to shame him.

Your brother, put in a plea for you, and not for a new bike.
You had better try harder, boy before I give you what you like.

I even hear from your teacher, he’s his own wits end,
He prayed for the cane to come back, so your ways you better mend.

Your mother tries so very hard it’s not her cooking at fault,
Its you and your picky ways, so they had better halt.

Your mother works hard and has little time to bake you pumpkin pie,
You're lucky boy to have gravy, never mind the turkey dry.

Your granddad needs a rest, don’t be a pest, he’s getting on you know.
As for grandma she puts up with all of you, so let the wines flow.

Your big sister, her father has already requested the boyfriends’ disappearance.
I’m working on that and everything else, so just give me a chance.

The neighbour’s - well they have not said, anything about you.
They just prayed that your family would go out, and then come back without you.

So listen boy the lord has spoken, and you better hear me well.
Cos come next thanksgiving year, You may hear from him below.


Details | Ballad | |

Let's Talk, Turkey

While a roaming in the gloaming
many years ago,
with steps so jerky I met a turkey
swaying to and fro.

Now being lonely and awfully homely
I hoped that by a chance
my new found friend might help me end
my lowly social stance.

I looked at him so sleek and slim
and he smiled kind of smirky.
So I said as my heart bled,
“C’mon, let’s talk, turkey.”

He spoke not never and I so clever
just couldn’t figure him out.
Maybe he’s mad or maybe just sad
and I started to moan and pout.

His eyes now gleamed and it made me steam
to see such an elegant bird
sitting so high with a sneer in his eye
and uttering not a word.

Now Thanksgiving was coming and I was slumming
and going to have hot dogs again.
I thought t’would be nice to have turkey and spice
with a little dressing mixed in.

So to home I did run and fetched out the gun
and was quickly back on the scene.
"Now let's talk, turkey," I said kind of smirky.
Quoth the turkey, "How ghastly mean!"

Well that broke the ice for the turkey was nice
and we talked for an hour or so.
And when he said bye I thought I would cry
for I didn't want him to go.

Then my good old temptation sent up this sensation
of never again seeing my friend.
The gun it seemed bigger but I still pulled the trigger
and brought my poor friend to an end.

Then I thought, as likely as naught,
my friend feels bad about dieing
for as he had fell he had made my heart swell
because he was steadily crying.

Now he is dead and my heart is like lead
and my brain feels kind of malicious
but I won't forsake it because my mom baked it
and the white meat was just delicious.


Details | Rhyme | |

Thanksgiving Without Turkey

( THANKSGIVING WITHOUT TURKEY )

I sat at the table, eager to eat
To have my fill, right at my seat
My father carved the Turkey
A wonderful sight
My mother asked me “dark meat or white”?
But just before my plate came near
My little dog Edgar pulled up from the rear
He jumped on the table in a single bound
Landing in the middle with nary a sound
He landed on my Turkey 
One and all could see
And right there Edgar decided to pee
I shook in horror, I quaked in fright
But in the end, I knew Edgar was right
He’s just a dog, and did what dogs do
I could not be angry, but I told him to shoo
So mother cleaned the table, and discarded the Turkey
And in it's place we had beef jerky!


Details | Rhyme | |

thanksgiving

Thanksgiving
To me thanksgiving signifies this
Togetherness of family and those you miss
Stuffing, ham, pies and everything
Sit down and gnaw on a turkey’s wing
The one day a year it’s ok to be a glutton
Make some more room by popping a button
A day to celebrate a feast of food
Dine with the in-laws, try not to be rude
A day to eat and have a little fun
Then lay on the lawn and soak up some sun
Pecan, apple and minced meat pie
Better than fireworks on the fourth of July
Ham, turkey, lamb and some other meats
Grab a fork and knife and get in your seats
But on this part the most important part
Remember the needy, keep them in your heart


Details | I do not know? | |

It's Turkey Time

Bow your head and pray
Today's Thanksgiving day.

Poor turkey felt the axe
Bet he's sorry he ever hatched.

Mashed potatoes, gravy, yams
Consume mass quantities (But never ham)

Eat real fast and clean your plate
Soon you'll have a tummy ache.

Belch and moan and pop your zipper
'Hey hon, where's the Alka Seltzer?'


Details | Rhyme | |

I Am Turkey

I am turkey,
hear me roar;
we stand in numbers
too great to ignore;

Please, don't take the axe,
the gun, or the knife -
we are all just trying
to live out a turkey life;

We never did anything wrong
to be cooked and sitting on your table,
we cannot understand why
you're all fascinated by the Honeysuckle label;

So, have some other Thanksgiving dinner,
it won't hurt you to try -
how about a McDonalds Big Mac
with super size french fry?


For "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" contest sponsored by Destroyer ~ Poet.


Details | Alliteration | |

Turkey in a Tailspin!

'Tis a twisted, tawdry tale !!
Poor Tom the Turkey is in a tizzy !!!
Tom's tongue is in a tangle, too terrified to talk !
Taunts and threats taking a toll
Tormented by a tip from tattle-tale townfolk
That Tom's in trouble!  Tom's time is ticking !!
Tom the Turkey so terribly tramautized !!
Trapped in terror....
Teary Tom is taking tranquilizers,
Tablespoons of tonics....
Trying to tame the tension and trepidation !
Tiptoeing through tall timber...
Trapezing through treetops !
Tongue-tied and tearfully trembling..
Taking tactics, trying not to tempt...
Those tyranical terriorists who torture and
Trace Tom's tracks...
Tom the turkey in a tailspin 
Told he's targeted for termination !!...
Tagged to be Thanksgiving treats and tidbits...
A tasty trophy topping Thanksgiving tables !!
This tale, this traversty, truely terrible !!
                TRAGIC !!!!


              !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!               !!
                !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!               P
                   !!!!!!!!!!!                L
                      !!!!                  E
                      ^^                H
                       0          <<<
                  xx      xx

______________________________________________

Revised for Donna Golden's "Turkey Tribute Contest


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Annual Family (dys)Function

I burned the crescent rolls,
and then her tears flowed...
We knew they were inevitable,
she was definitely on overload.

Too many people in the house,
and way too much commotion...
“You brought a dish not on the menu?”
Turned her tears into an ocean.

“I’ll just scrape the burned part off,”
evoked another muffled sob...
“My dinner's ruined and nobody cares
I’m just too old for this job.”

“Think I’ll have a glass of wine,
Care to join me sis?”
Think we’re going to need it
To survive this Thanksgiving bliss!”

“I’m never doing this again
I just cannot take the stress…
Hosting a family gathering
Causes me nothing but duress!”

A year since then has passed
My telephone starts to ring
“Coming home for Thanksgiving dear?”
“Of course, what should I bring?”



Details | Rhyme | |

Mr. Turkey

       
             
       
          
       Mr. Turkey, I hate to do this to you - so accept my apology
But come this Thanksgiving I must feed my family.

       Mr. Turkey, my wife did not mean to carve you up the way she did
but those tiny slices were for our youngest - he's only a kid!

       Mr. Turkey, I should not say this, but your meat was so tender and juicy
I enjoyed your "thigh" the most while watching "I Love Lucy."

       Mr. Turkey at least you had company with all that "stuffing."
I thanked my wife for you but she chuckled and said "Oh it was nothing."

       Mr. Turkey, I promise we will forever remember,
Because we have pictures we took on that day in November!



Note: Written for Donna Goldens contest "Turkey Tribute".... Have a blessed Thanksgiving 
Poetry Soup - Marty, my best friend, Charma still waiting to hear from you, Carol Brown with 
your warm words, Doris with your nice criticism, Sara, Donna, Audrey (Ladybug12) whose 
words are also warm, Carrie Richards, Trudy and for all those specially who respond to my 
work - why those people? Because you accept me (as me) An "inmate."  And  to those who 
prejudge - well God Bless LOL... You guys remember a letter through the mail would brighten 
my days more!  Happy Thanksgiving!! Jimmy


Details | Acrostic | |

TURKEY AND PUMPKIN PIES

To all wo crave turkey...good appetite and good health!
Utilize your skills in creating charm in a bright dining room. 
Round up the best ideas for success, ask if you need help.
Kidding yourself is absurd, get all the help from friends.
Enamor yourself with dinnerware and silverware that match.
Yearn for an athmosphere so warm, cheerful and elegant.
Allow kindness when dealing with kids who spill apple cider.
Nobody should be privileged to say Grace but the host. 
Dance afterward with everyone in the decorated living room.
Papa can smoke his cigar, if it doesn't bother the guests.
Unity should be stronger on this day when all thank the Lord.
Major issues about noises, caused by children, should be ignored.
Pretend that Thanksgiving Day is the last one they'll ever see.
Keyboard should play Hymns of thanks, not songs they all like.
Inside the fireplace, the red log crackles reminiscing Thansgivings past.
Nag not when the dog chases the cat under the table...laugh!
Parents should be soft, not harsh...let Thansksgiving be a fun day!
Inside the fireplace the log crackles...reminishing of Thanksgivings past.
Endure the screams and the fights a little longer...no child is an angel.
Say the final prayer of gratitude as everyone bows their heads.


Details | Heroic Couplets | |

2 Times Tabled .

Aunt Doris was feeling poorly .
I did not know what to say .
So ,I gathered all her friends around ;
And we had a Doris Day .
But Gladys got the pip and sulked
Saying it was not right.
So we stretched out celebrations
To have a Gladys Knight.
We had great fun in the July sun
A Donna Summer to enjoy.
But there would be a Shelly Winter
So dont get smug or coy.
Major Weeks adressed his Sergeant Spring
At Thanksgiving holiday ,
Saying ,can February  March..
Through Beech and Larch ?
He said NO!! ..but  April May .


Details | Verse | |

Tommy or Harry

My name is Tommy
But if I had my way,
I'd change it to Harold
And gobble all day.

I like the name Harry,
Like my friend Harry Mole
But he thinks that Tommy
Is the grandest of all.

But tradition has it
From long, long ago
It takes Tommy Turkey
To make Thanksgiving Day glow.

I'd sure hate to disappoint
The children that way
So I'll just stay Tommy
And be King for a day.


Details | Rhyme | |

New Tradition

Turkeys shuffle about, strolling around the farm.
Each passing morning, one day sounding the alarm,
Who would it be this year Sally, Ted, or Mom?
However, this season was secured, ready for farmer Tom.
Thanksgiving was on the horizon, they were conniving.
Fred the youngest Turkey, had a plan he was comprising 
Fred, now the leader of clan, grab farmer Tom right now.
Threw him down on the ground, hypnotized him and how.
Prepared words for that day, he said Tom you want Cow.
Beef tasted better, more then any flapping turkey or sow.
He looked deep into farmer Toms eyes and said very quick.
Start a new tradition, skewer the meat, and grill on a stick.
Your family is much bigger, needing more protein to eat.
Look at all these pigs and turkeys, they will never defeat.
So lean and minuscule, families hunger will never be beat.
Now get up and butcher a cow, time for family to meet.
This began a new tradition, for this time of year of cheer.
Next Thanksgiving time, Fred would hypnotize for deer.
Turkeys danced and sang; Fred kept his pride sincere.
So look out next year, farmer Tom, Deer hunting, is clear.


Details | I do not know? | |

Ode To A Turkey

Gobble gobble here comes trouble
Every year this time comes a struggle
Will I be the one for the pot this time?
Is the major worry on my mind
O where can I run and hide?
When my girth is so wide?

Listen please to some sound advice
Why celebrate Thanksgiving with my demise?
Why not choose a chicken? You would be surprised
More time spent with family dinner ready in a flash
You would be ‘going green’ you’ll save some cash
Just imagine what you’d do with all that stash


Details | I do not know? | |

Thanksgiving Day Disaster #1

Oh turkey again. I pulled open the fridge,
Just yesterday it was hanging from Buck's bridge.

That big fat bird, 
he, looking so obsurd.

Feathers twisted on his back to and fro,
A job of plucking, I do hate so.

I pulled him out,
with out a doubt.

The biggest bird I'd ever seen,
but ouuuueeee, oh so goey and lean.

I used a spoon to stuff him completely,
following instructions exactly.

I put him in the oven precisely,
Where he fit so nicely.

While family knocking at the door desperately
All then greeting and smiling so sweetly.

He cooked on hour, then two, then three,
Hurray now he's done yipeeeeeeeee!

All the fix ins are ready,
my hands were warm and steady.

I proudly in front of the oven stood,
He smell so ever lovin good.

O grabbed a big fat potholder,
I pulled  him out a bit bolder.

Then in goey turkey grease I slipped,
and over my shoulder that turkey flipped.

Oh so high in the air, Oh I sware,
I seen him laugh, that turkey with flare.

He flew so very high,
landing on grandm's thigh.

There he landed in her lap,
Uncle Ned began to clap.

Her wig flew off took a hop landing over him,
Now one even broke a grin.

My thanksgiving dinner a now disaster,
Everyone has now voted me "The Master."

From now on we all agree,
Ham or turkey it will be.


Details | Rhyme | |

T'was The Night Of Thanksgiving

(Humorous silly holiday poem)


T'was the night of Thanksgiving,and I couldn't just fall asleep
I tried everything I knew,even trying to count  some dumb sheep,
But nothing happened and I was getting more angry and mad at myself,
The leftovers were still on my mind and my stomach went just bleat!

I jumped over my bed and I raced to the door with all my power and might,
And right in the kitchen I landed,where some food was still on sight,
My heart beat it so fast like a train gone bad,when I saw all the turkey leftover galore,
White and dark meat were waiting there just for me, to my profounded delight!

There was cranberry sauce,apple pie and the most wonderfully sweet, pumpkin pie!
My heart aglowed and my mouth watered all over in front of all this sight,
For there I saw some chocolate pudding just sitting upon  a tray,
So I gobbled and gobbled, till I thought I couldn't see another new day!

I felt myself swelling up all the sudden, right to the size of the house!
Then I heard this  terrible noise,and I've just burst and rip off my blouse!
As I went off straight to the ceiling like a Speeding Gonzalez balloon!
I felt again so sick and so big as I went flying right past the face of the moon

But I still managed to YEEELLL to everyone in the whole town,
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!and pass me all your chocolate PUDDING! Please!

LOL

 

Dorian Petersen Potter
aka laydp2000
copyright@2005-2008


November,27,2008


Details | Free verse | |

The Flusher

The Flusher
The Super man came to the door again what he said was it this time ants said 
eye ants just ants and eye only flushed it once The super man was knocking on 
my door the ants came out and killed the neighborhood said the super man and 
then he knocked upon my door the ants are tiny creatures eye began they got in 
the radiation from the computer store said the super man it is not and never will 
be the fault of eye began to understand this super man the ants is grown and 
feeding to get larger and to roam upon the city Blue and Proper is the suburb of 
the urban dweller there oh super man please help me put them in the krypton 
bottle and please just keep them there the super man looked thoughtful and his 
eyes were sort of Blue and Proper he began to understand the eye and rounded 
up the ants in the city Proper but Blue had been destroyed. The Blue City had 27 
people living there so for twenty seven days you have to flush just only once and 
use it only then and hold it in for all the rest of them times that bathroom time 
comes and do not dispose of ants that way the eye is done with flush as a 
means of my disposal now for twenty seven days. Thanksgiving to the super 
man the flusher is okay.


Details | Narrative | |

Smart Woman

It was the evening before Thanksgiving,
so off to the biggest store in town I went, for a few items,
I needed to complete my Thanksgiving Feast.
Everyone was grabbing, and hurrying to get out.
I was totally out of my comfort zone, 
for I hardly ever come here,
except to buy a few things, you don't find anywhere else.
Then there he was, lost as a goose in a thunder storm,
his wife had played a severe trick on him.
A list he held in his hand for the items she needed.
I heard him talking to himself, so I stayed close behind him,
just for the entertainment.
Marshmallows, does she want the big ones or the small ones,
oh no, couldn't put that down, so I'll buy both.
Cherries, now where are they, probably way over on the other
side of the building.
Just then he turned around to look at me,
am I blocking you, if so I am sorry, but I don't know 
where anything is, and with this crowd in here, I can't
even think, much less find anything.
No, I said, you are fine, I am just as lost as you are,
that's when he told me, my wife played a cruel trick on me.
She wanted to come early, and get this over with, but I told
her, what is the rush, well, I will never say that again, ever,
and if I get out of here alive, you will never see me pushing a buggy
in here again without my wife.
I don't know how she does it.
I thought to myself, smart man.
We have to give his wife credit, smart woman.




Details | Couplet | |

Summer Fun

Sweat pants and wool socks
a hand-knitted scarf or two
warm mittens and hats
no doubt you think I’m nuts

Rosy cheeks and runny nose
soggy boots and frozen toes
chattering teeth and quivering knees
when I dream, it is of these

Down jackets now long packed away
skis and poles just taking up space
in my crowded messy garage
snow covered runs - just a mirage

Sun screen and flip flops
sunglasses and sticky pits
baseball caps and Thanksgiving in shorts
I despair of weather reports

How did I get to this eternal hell?
where A/C costs you a paycheck as well
where tender skin exposed continues to burn . . .
I just know somewhere I missed a turn.