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Funny Sorry Poems | Funny Poems About Sorry

These Funny Sorry poems are examples of Funny poems about Sorry. These are the best examples of Funny Sorry poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Sonnet | |

Shall I Compare Thee to Your Mother's Arse

Shall I compare thee to your mother's arse?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent

Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every foul from fowl; my stomach churns,
By reason, or by nature's raging closed.

But thy infernal diet shall ne’er start
Nor gain possession of which now I grasp;
Nor shall we meet again; let’s stay apart,
When in eternal sounds the voice does rasp,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can cry,
So long lives this, and I bid thee goodbye.


Details | Rhyme | |

Call Me Insensitive

You call me insensitive,
But I don't believe that's true;
Because, you see,
It's all about me.
It's not about you.

You say your opinion doesn’t matter,
That I’ve no respect for your point of view;
But I do if we agree,
Because it’s all about me.
It’s not about you.

You say I’ve no compassion,
No feelings for your troubles or your blues;
But none of us is issue free,
And mine are all about me;
But…not about you.

A time old adage, 
“To thine own self be true.”,
Is all about choices you see.
My choices are all about me,
And, certainly, not about you.

So, when free or forced to make your choices
You’ll understand and know it’s true 
To decide what will or will not be,
Won’t be at all about me;
It will be all about you

But special moments confront each of us,
When what matters isn’t “Me”.
And while these moments are few,
They’re not about me, not about you.
For a time, it’s all about “We.”

Yes, “…no man is an island.”
Is a valid point of view;
But if it’s not about “We”, 
Then it’s all about me.
Sorry.  It’s not about you.


Details | I do not know? | |

Mistaken For A Senior Citizen!

Ok, I normally keep my cool.
I rarely get THAT mad.
I wanted to knock her teeth out! 
Oh yes, it was that bad! 

I was innocently shopping.
Going about my day.
I was finished with the browsing 
so I headed up to pay.

This nasty, mid-aged woman
looked me in the eye
and what she said made my mouth drop
and made me want to cry! 

She asked if I ''get the discount''.
Of course I said ''I don't know, 
how do you get this discount? ''
and then she said...''Oh, no.''

''Forget it, I'm sure you don't.''
I knew what she meant then...
this woman was asking me
if I was a... SENIOR CITIZEN! ! 

It takes alot to get me mad
and I never ever swear
but, let's just say I bit my tongue
as I left that day from there! 

I told her she just ruined
what had been a decent day.
She gave a smirk and brushed me off
with little more to say.

Perhaps I don't look twenty...
this I will admit.
But, she was at least 60 
and looked every day of it.

How rude to ask a woman
when she's only 34
if she's a senior citizen! 
I won't shop there anymore! !


Details | Lyric | |

A Piece Of Lace

[Verse-1]
I watched you walk by yesterday, and yes again you turned and looked away
You never give me the time of day, and you're always looking sad and grey
A small piece of lace from your pink dress, is all that's left of you and me
Wish I could take back yesterday, when I went astray and set you free
I wish I could find the words to say, instead of making you look away
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-2]
I know that I still need your love, because my heart is always feeling blue
And I guess I'll never be the same, for playing around and being untrue
You gotta know this isn't what I wanted, cause now I'm always on my knees
But I can see how you like your freedom, of being with him and not with me
But baby a twist of fate's what tore us apart, and placed this look upon my face
Oh! it's still funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-3]
All those things that you used to do, is what made me fall in love with you
You gave me your all once upon a time, but like a fool I up and flew
And the things I went and said that day, made you fade and drift away
I never shoulda treated you that way, cause baby I need you here today
The sun keeps hiding behind the clouds, and all I do is sit and cry
And this piece of lace holds my heart at bay, I don't know...maybe it's a sign

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace


Details | I do not know? | |

Pencil

I borrowed your favorite pencil
and broke it right in half
I'm sure you really needed it 
yet now its in the trash
I know I should have asked you
it just didn't cross my mind
forgive me please for I was angry
and the snap of the wood sounded pleasant
and made me feel like smiling


Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

To Hurt To Say,But I'm Sorry

To Hurt to say,But I'm sorry.





Do you know how much it hurt.To see you disappear from a memories I have yet recalled.Your heart so ice cold there's nothing I can do for it.
Let me touch your chest and feel the breeze that escapes from if.
Did you know that with ever king there are rebels who dares chain him down.
Everyone person can life is determined by they way the express themselves.
And anyone can forge a fake life to get away and hide from their reality.
I'm going to be you reality has my hand reaches your face let me show you what it means to be hit by reality and take it seriously.Hopeless,Agony,Fear,Terrified, Corrupted.
I haven't had enough of your ego,of your smile,the lies that surround you.
Ha! let me see you fall and crawl don't beg it unsightly but crawl for you are the man the  shadow man.
Cling to me as i show you the grief and fear and anger I have of losing you,the only thing connecting me to you is the blood I waste on the ground in the night time wake.
Watch it fall as I cut deeper.How many times did I cry for you and you never even cared enough to answer me? 
Your faceless,heartless,cold eyes let me thank you.
Your turning my to stone your helping me write these disgusting feeling down every night.
You gave me something so powerful not even you could destroy them now these hands of course.
As I drink this  to ease my pain and free my self of this relapsing phase.Let me be happy let me be sad let me mad let me become depressed for I'm so bipolar it hurts.
How dare you trampled my pride and toss me around like a lifeless doll...Was I really your luggage you tried to throw away?
Be honest lies don't work no more for I've see everything everyone as danger has liar beggar and theive coming after me.Thank you for being my venom.
I'm sorry if I hurt you I never meant to.
Would you forgive me if I laid down to rest and not wake up again?
Please tell me.I can't help but feel like something useless in this wild game of tag and empty felt.It hurts you should know,So don't take to much time and tell me how you feel.
At least then I can dance with you.


Details | Rhyme | |

Happy Question

Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!


Details | Rhyme | |

The Rubber Boot

Sitting staring out the window for my sister to return
An overwhelming sadness, my stomach in a churn.
She a half day at school and I have not yet started
I thought the fates were cruel that we were even parted
The sun glinting off the puddles, maybe we'll play outside
Or maybe play barbies or color if she wanted to stay inside.

From school she returns and asks mom can she go outside to play
I ask can I go and she replies "no, they're my friends and you're a baby anyway"
Two 5 year old girls waiting on the porch, am I losing my best friend?
I hide my disappointment for if I cry I will hear about it to no end
Mom tells her to wear rubber boots and change out of her school dress
It was in that moment I hatched a plan that was spiteful, I confess.

She stripped down to her underwear and began to gather up her stuff
When she couldn't find one of the boots she got herself in a huff
My sister has a temper and a full blown tantrum fully erupted
She began to yell, and started throwing things, until my dad interrupted
"This will cool you down", as he put her out on the porch and locked the door              
Standing outside in underwear, tears streaming, now with something to cry for.

Her friends look upon her, their faces register shock
If there was only a way that I could turn back the clock.
I stare again out the window, but this time at my beloved sister
My heart in so much pain that I'm sure it will certainly blister
I felt so bad, so dreadful, my stomach tied in one huge guilty knot
I slowly walk to the hamper to retrieve the boot from it's hiding spot.


*True story, vivid memory for a 3 yr old I know, but this affected me deeply.
I told her I hid the boot when we were teenagers, we had a great laugh.

For contest: "A Childhood Memory''


Details | Rhyme | |

A Can of Peaches

She was a kleptomaniac,
His wife of thirty years.
The risks she took for stuff of little value
Had all but driven him to tears.

She had such low regard for the risk;
Always said, “If I’m caught, I’ll pay.”
“But what if they’re not satisfied?” he’d ask.
She just smiled and said, “That’ll be the day.”

When first they met, he thought her just young and wild;
And, after all, it really did no one any harm.
It was fun to watch her be so sneaky,
Kind of a sexy part of her appealing charm.

The stuff she stole was so petty,
But she seemed to have such fun.
After all, it wasn’t for the stuff she stole,
But for the thrill of what she’d done.

As time had passed, he had finally realized
It was a sickness, not just a game to play.
She’d steal something almost everywhere she went,
And she went somewhere almost every day.

So, it had gotten old and tiresome, completely out of hand.
His pleas of “Get some help.” she would ignore;
Tho’ she might have thought better of it
If she had known what was in store.

While grocery shopping, she tried to steal a can of peaches.
They caught her, called the cops, sent her off to jail.
She called her embarrassed and disgusted husband, 
Who resentfully made arrangements for her bail.

When her court date came, he went along;
And when her case came up, he was by her side.
As the judge reviewed her charges, it seemed to him
That the judge’s patience was being sorely tried.

“Madam" the judge said angrily, "…a single can of peaches?
It’s obvious you have no desperate financial need.
You are wasting my court’s time with such farce.
So, Madam...how do you plead?"

She feigned regret. She bowed her head.
Surely such a ploy might change his attitude.
“Guilty, your Honor.  I am so sorry.”
He growled, “Save your platitudes.”

Then he asked, “How many peaches were in the can?”
“Your Honor, I believe that there were ten."
“Madam, I intend to teach you a lesson this day.
You’ll think twice before you steal again.

You’ll serve three days in county jail for each peach in that can.”
Her husband saw his chance.  He said, “Your Honor, if you please,
Before you pass her final sentence, you should know….
She also stole a can of peas!"


Details | Pantoum | |

Penny Wise

“A penny for your thoughts,” he said.
I took his petty penny.
Without a thought within my head,
I did not give him any.

I took his pretty penny
And added it to mine.
I did not give him any,
On candy I could dine.

I added it to mine,
Laughed at him when he cried.
On candy I could dine.
I wasn’t sorry I had lied.

Laughed at him when he cried
Without a thought within my head,
I wasn’t sorry I had lied.
“A penny for your thoughts,” he said.



Details | I do not know? | |

Im so Very Sorry

I brought you all here today
For something very important I have to say
An apology of some sorts
Lets start with you the oldest of course
I’m sorry that you don’t shut up
I’m sorry that your such a klutz
I’m sorry you have no brain
Oh an I’m sorry that you are you
But most of all I’m sorry I love you
Now who is next
Yes you in the shorts
I’m sorry that things don’t go your way
I’m sorry that everything is a game
I’m sorry if you can never be serious
I’m sorry that your delirious 
Yes many things are very wrong with you
Oh and I’m sorry I love you
Hmm next let me see
The youngest one of the ones I see
Yes I am sorry for who you are
I’m sorry for your life thus far
I’m sorry that you complain so much
I’m sorry that you mess up
I’m sorry that you cant think straight
I’m sorry you also have no brain
But most of all I’m sorry that I love you
Oh this felt good yes indeed
But oh oh oh
I’m sorry I love you three!!!

*Dedicated to all the people I love no matter what*


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

A Letter To My First Crush

A LETTER TO MY FIRST CRUSH My Dearest Kevin My hands shake nervously as I write this letter The fountain pen drips the ink in heart-shapes Pieces of my heart as it reach out to you I just want you to know that loving you isn’t easy My dozen of Harlequins and my entire Mill @ Boon collection Have'nt prepared me To deal with a player like you I heard it through the grapevine, That you are heartbreaker and womanizer With only one thing on your adolescence mind My grandmother always told me, that Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free My grandma is a wise woman More like a heroine in my eyes I am the heroine of my life More like a Nancy Drew without a clue on how to love you I am never satisfy, I am curious And mysterious However I am very chary Kind of gal ^ I do believe that I am in love with you today However, I might hate you tomorrow Because you never know with a secret admirer To the man I love today They are nothing more than I can say. I will wait for your reply my love


Details | I do not know? | |

A DRUNK DAY

nice clothes
nice shoes
couple of girls
but i got a main boo

nice car
on 22's
lift kit on it
it's another 4in boost

hop out
see my homies
it ain't my forte
but all them smoking

big whip
car full
been drinkin since 1
n yet we still partying

fitted cap
yankee logo
girls say im fly
now they reaching for my "you know"

wake up
hangover
a hurricane went through the house
thanks mr Hugo

team liqour
super sick
i know i was texting
but dont remember this chick

she mad
im laughing
she says im an asshole anyways
i say i'm sorry but it was just another drunk day


Details | Light Poetry | |

Cough Drops And Applesauce

Cough Drops and applesauce 
Is what the doctor gave to me 
I don't mean to complain 
But in my side 
I feel a great big pain 
And doctors orders I'll oblige
 It is bad enough 
Every day is getting tough 
And now I am just out of luck 
Stuck with nothing but a cough 

It's been driving me insane 
Living here in all this pain 
It has made my life a very hard thing 
I really don't want to complain 
But I've been left out in the pouring rain 
And tomorrow is another day 
Same to come, same old way  


Details | I do not know? | |

FEAR!!!!!

I RUN from FEAR.

I HUNT for FEAR.

I HIDE in FEAR.

I FIGHT cause of FEAR.

I'm FAR from you.

I'm SCARED cause of you.

You're the FEAR that I HUNT.

You're the FEAR that I FIGHT.

You're the FEAR that SCARED me for LIFE.

*Comment if you have any thought and if you like it. oh and some of the poems i write arn't 
always my feelings. their some times just to get through other people so they can have 
something to read that just fit's them.*

                                              -Angel4eva23


Details | Ballade | |

guy on the airplane

Guy on the airplane
I'm sorry I fell asleep on you.
I don't care to give you my name.

I've been up since three,
now staring out the window
I'm about to sleep.
Last thing I know
is I was leaning towards you.

Felt a nudge
heard some laughter
woke up to you
looking down at me 
and I'm sorry.

Guess your shoulder
was calling my name
and I answered...ha

These seats are too small
need some more space
and I've always been a tad bit selfish.

Never been the kind to get too embarrassed
but by the third time
I was feeling reckless.

You finally gave in
you finally gave in
just let my sleepy head rest 
on your shoulder
just let my sleep head rest 
on your shoulder. 

You'll have a story 
to tell the office
when you get to Georgia

and I'll have a story 
to tell my friends 
that I really shouldn't travel alone...

Guy on the airplane
so sorry I fell asleep on you...


Details | Rhyme | |

Drippity drip drip

Take me there I don't care Touch my hair Eat this pear!!! I am bare Want to share? Do you care? I am bear I'll let you stare Don't go there By the chair Or on that stair? Your skin is fair You look like Cher Come to my lair But pay my fare Drippity drip drip


Details | Free verse | |

The Eternal Infernos of Pain

Front and Center!
Those Gates adorned with pearls in Heaven.
White angels soaring. 

If by chance, 
Ordered to enter;
Through St. Peter's Permission; 
I demand from you chancellor; 
A swift insanity plea, submission. 
For this troubled soul is plagued, 
By vast displays of wicked ways. 

None lost. 
Courtesy of meticulous examination. 
Love lost. 

Diligence pending Investigation. 
Key Evidence, perpetually documented 
In Sin's ominous catalog. 
Rebuke my Judge! 
For multitudes of shortcomings, 
He failed to ascertain. 

Moreover, present was He, 
When Satan drafted me. 
First round,
Pick three.
His Fantasy League...
"The Eternal Infernos of Pain" 

JS Lambert



Details | Limerick | |

Was It Somethiggg I Said

They're quickly away from my side.
My sneezing they just can't abide.
I've blown my nose off.
Peppered them with my cough.
Now I'm here all alone on this ride! 


for ~Gwendolen~'s Sneezing Limerick contest











Details | Couplet | |

The Doggone Dog

How I got here, I’m not really sure, the reasons aren’t always real clear,
But somehow I manage to live in the dog house most of the days of the year.

She said she felt blotted and chubby today; did I think she was getting too fat?
Don’t worry dear, there is nothing to fear, I think you look always like that.

She had tears in her eyes, starting to cry; said I don’t listen to her any more,
I’m sorry dear, what were saying, I was trying to hear the football score.

She says I don’t love her, not any any more, not like when we both were kids,
I'm sorry Honey, of course I do, its just that I forgot to put down the lid.

So once again Rover you need to move over, Daddy is sleeping here tonight,
I don’t mean to upset her, I try to get better, but the words never come out just right.


Details | Narrative | |

Creature

Observing. 
Frozen in time,
captivated by this enormous being,
the size of a small car.

Pondering, 
his every move.
The way he used his hands;
so child-like.
With all the consciousness of the world, 
and graceless coordination.

Aware.
of the visitors,
as they briefly called out for his attention.
Only for a moment,
then they were gone.

Untamed,
in an orderly sham. 
He sat there,
in his dark cave.
As if he was waiting for the light to find him.

Perched,
on a boulder, 
squatting, and primitive.
Drawing in the dirt with one hand. 
Swatting a fly with the other.

Surreal,
His nature,
as he rushed to consume his food.
The females hovered behind him,
watching intently, 
like me.
His movement mechanic.
His presence powerful.
He was the king of his domain.

Studying, 
his magnificence, I watched.
How smart was he?
Could he feel my presence? 
Engulfed in the very essence of all that was him, 
I watched. 

Wondering, 
how he felt, I watched.
Did he think he was still in the womb of Mother Nature?
Or, did he know the iron bars which embrace him now?

Then 
it happened;
our eyes met.
He noticed my presence.
His gaze intimidated me, 
But I did not look away.
He approached me.
I felt his eyes inspecting my soul.
A chill ran down my back,
I turned behind me,
only to find no other presence there.
When I turned back, 
we were face to face.
Separated by the sham,
And a two inch piece of glass.
Just me and him,
the two of us,
and the females hovering behind him.

Wise,
His old eyes spoke to me,
They said 
“I am like you. 
I love, I feel, I hurt.
I am, like you.”

Sympathetic,
I put my hand on the glass
and with all the 
consciousness of the world,
he did the same.
With tears in my eyes,
I smiled.

Then, he pooped in his other hand
and wiped it on the glass.
This was a sign of endearment.
I laughed out loud.
And I swear,
He smiled back.


Details | Free verse | |

Mystery guy part

   Magic is it possible I can feel this feeling when i'm next to you.

 I feel free from problems from all the issues and then I come back and your no where 
to be found. 

    No I yell this was my chance but it was only a dream and I can't stop 
crying.

 It felt so real, how did they know I grabbed on to my sheets real hard 
because my dreams are just teasing me.

 Another poem about that past love that you can never forget, it's like a knife being 
stuck straight in my heart I can't feel the pain because the love was never there in the 
first place.

 It hurts so bad and sometimes it doesn't I can almost remember a time when I wasn't 
this stuck to him. 

  It was a time for carelessness and a time for laughs I didn't have this memory yet 
and i'm starting to think i'm going mad.

 Sometimes I feel like deleting this one thing that keeps me focused on you like a kid 
on candy. 

   I feel like I could never move on... it's funny how hearing you name could make me 
feel all over again.

 The worst part about this is that it never got finished and I wanted to hear the rest 
of the song.

    Lonely, A funny word sometimes it's laughable sometimes it's a crying 
tantrum spilled moment.

     A cloud has been hanging over my head for nearly forever dark and thundering 
shooting rain down my noes making me lose breath and lose focus. 

   Calling, shouting, beating, bleeding then the cloud finally lifts and I can't help 
missing it.

   It tortured me and made me feel weak and now that's it's gone I can't 
help screaming for the rain.

   Come back to me I say honestly I was fine getting 
soaked but it's gone and all I can see is blue skies and that lonely remembrance 
that I am alone.


Details | Free verse | |

OGONGO II


Still, and again
“Ogongo” crept into my mouth
As I behold the two nocturnal creatures

We have waited endlessly
No longer in my Aunt’s place,
But we became unsolicited watchmen
At the streets gate entrance
It was an ungodly hour 
Darkness had key to everywhere

Still, and again
I winked at my cousin
He nodded, and murmured
“They are on their way”

But when midnight started knocking
Out of the furfuled dusk
Appeared the two nocturnal  “Ogongos”

One bringing back the memory of the famous Yokosuna
Of the Heavy weight with an heavy duty
To her chest, 
Were a very big size-less eve’s apples?
Her mean look compliments her dark complexion
Her burnt lips. .  . Reddish eyeballs speak of her as a chimney
My cousin I pity from within my heart
 
Her hyena-like laughter
Turned me back to the second “Ogongo”
Of a lesser weight to the former
Her Eve’s apples were almost not there
“Bad catch, worst choice”
I echoed to myself until I saw
Her roundly shaped protruding buttock
Speaking louder than a loud-speaker
It overshadows her duck-like ugly mouth
It was an undeniable asset

Indeed, the “Ogongos” are both endowed
With a Unique Selling Point (UPS)
With these, I had taught they can never
Run out of good prices in the market.

Lo and behold,
At the crucial product delivery point
I rushed out of my room
Only to see my cousin outside too
Looking worried and dejected 

The “Ogongos” are over-used products 
The expiry date lapsed long ago
The USP was a flash in the pan
We both slept in the parlour 
Leaving the “Ogongos” in their different rooms
It was a bad deal in a bad day.




Alayande Stephen T
09.55am
20th June, 2007




NB-Ogongo is a coinage for Prostitutes.
In Iba, with Ayo  and Yemi, expecting 
An Izobo daughter and Tobi’s call. 





Details | Rhyme | |

No, Officer, You Are Mistaken

No, Officer, You Are Mistaken

By Elton Camp

When they spotted Zuma standing outside the bar
Two cops pulled over and asked her to their car

“Ma’am, what you’re doing is illegal as can be
And this type of conduct we don’t like to see.”

“You may be making money and having some fun
What you’re doing is harmful to you and your John.”

“I really feel sort of sorry for a girl who is so cute
But we must book you for being a prostitute.”

Zuma looked at him with such an innocent smile
“So am I to be condemned without even a trial?”

“I can’t believe that you think I’m a sorry whore.
That type of woman I simply detest and abhor.”

Prostitution produces kids that end up on the dole
In combating that evil I am playing a major role.”

“The actual truth is that it is condoms that I sell
I give free demonstrations of their use as well.”


Details | I do not know? | |

YOU SAY TOM-AAA-TO

YOU SAY TOM-AAA-TO

Never ever say sorry.
No matter how put,
a meagre sorry tastes

like yesterday’s curled sandwich,
obstinately irrelevant
to any serious discourse.

Instead, play for effect;
make your mark
with the equivalent

of a six course lunch,
a gourmet spread
of words, allusions

and classical reference;
then profusely apologise
with discipline and skill.

When sitting down
on completing this task,
you may append, quite silently,

the word asshole, if American,
or the much more redolent British word
arsehole, even if American !

(Challenge words : sorry taste obstinate relevant serious play lunch gourmet apologise)


Details | Narrative | |

Don't Go Near The River

Don’t go near the river a tree has fallen down
The flow is blocked and it caused a dam if you fall in you could drown
But to us children this an invitation was
A big happening in our lives we had to see the cause
Of course we would not climb down to the tree
From high upon the bank we would satisfy our curiosity

Down Milfort Avenue we all trouped 
The excitement mounting with-in our group
The boys were there first of course
Down at the roots torn from the ground with such force
You girls they shouted stay away it was their find
Just go home play with your dolls and leave our tree behind
Well did you ever hear such rot 
We will soon show that lot

Mother’s warning soon forgot down we went to the spot
Those roots from up high did not seem so tall
But now down beside them we were made to feel small
Like gaint arms they were all slimy and wet
But we girls would conquer this climb you bet 
I never was brave and from the start
My legs were shaking and in my heart
I knew I should back down and risk being the fool
But pride would not let me so I tried to act cool

The others had climbed over and to the far side had gone
Knowing I was frightened they egged me on
Up I went onto that tree trunk
Looking down to the river below my heart sunk
What would I do if I fell in I had never learned to swim
Well it happened and into water I fell for my sins
Plunged to the bottom then up I floated gasping for air 
Again the depths called the water my death would share
With bravery someone dived in to save me from my watery grave
Trailed to the bank and with the water pumped out my life was saved

A neighbor heard the commotion and running came
Then into her house to recover my legs some strength to gain
For the walk back home to face Mum my misbehavior to declare
I really was a sorry sight but I did not care
Jumper and tartan skirt soggy the red dye running down my thighs
Perhaps she would think it was blood I had better start to cry

Water filled the fur lined leather boots which slopped and weighed a ton
My dad had worked for hours to pay for them and look what had I done
So sorry I was for myself but punishment I had to accept 
My friends there with me for support they stayed and yet
When Mum’s face through that front door appeared
They drifted away the blame they feared
In I was hauled and asked to explain
Why I had ignored her orders given so plain


Details | Free verse | |

It Works

Those leather pants fit perfectly
Against your skin. I can’t stop
Staring; You can’t stop teasing -
It keeps me up all night,
Struggling to

Keep shouting.
Nothing is resolved when you slam
The bedroom door - Don’t sleep
Angry. You know I hate it when you

Surprise me in the shower and
Turn the screws until I
Can’t even think. All the blood
Rushes to my head when I
Clutch the curtain – you know
I am there.
I see you see me as I

Hope we won’t wake up bitter in the morning,
Casting those cross couch glances and
Judging. Your eyes are killer

Aphrodisiacs, constantly seducing me
Like that time I had to
Pin you in the grass.
As the rain came down I kissed
Your lips and cradled you.
I can still close my eyes and hear you whisper

“You’ve left the toilet seat up again,”
I tell you that I’m sorry but we both know
In the dim light of the television set
I am barely listening.
You smile and shake your head,
For therein lies a flaw you choose to live with.
You swear, one of these days you are going to

Turn off the light and kiss
Every inch of my body
In honor of my being me,
And in honor of your being you,
I will return the favor.
Afterward, we’ll lie in love,
Smiling in a comfortable silence

Like the uncomfortable silences
At the ends of those trivial arguments
You start yet can’t finish.
There is no retort for my abashing.
You say you’re sorry but we both know
That you don’t really mean it,
So I make sacrifices I choose to live with.
I swear one of these days I am going to

Cook the most wonderful meal,
The kind where silence is a compliment
Ending with content smiles,

Doing the dishes,
Cursing at new shirt stains and small cuts
From knives hidden under soap water

Although
We don’t really mind the healing process.
I sleep and think, Tomorrow
I should walk to the jewelry store and look over
Diamonds, as I think of our
Long nights, walking through lit up old villages
Cuddling on the couch in the television light
Drunkenly kissing beside bonfires
Sharing friends and glances
And love and life for good or for worse,
Carrying the same heart.

I can always push that button
That has you turn me on,
Be it a laugh, a smile, a sting, or a bite.
We do what it takes to make us happy
And it works,
Especially when you put on
Those leather pants.


Details | I do not know? | |

Mr Orange

Poor Mr Orange 
what a sorry site
He’s been lay in the fruit bowl 
for many days, many nights

All shrivelled up his skin looks
Bruised, battered, needing a new hip
Oh how he remembers the days 
when he was just a pip

The farm he did grow up in
His friends from the orchard too
The tree where he did ripen
Deep orange his colour grew

But now he’s lay in a fruit bowl
Slowly growing old
Becoming over ripened
And starting to grow mould

He looks back on his sorry life span
Thinking what could have been
All the good he had to offer
Now all a distant dream
  
So next time you buy some oranges
Remember what there purpose be
And eat them all as soon as possible
Cuz there full of vitamin C


Details | Epitaph | |

A ROGUE

Beyond these gates 
Martin right's at rest
Found by all his mates
Forever in the wrong
Though he tried his best
Till death strike its calling gong


Details | Quatrain | |

Fight

I've got the headphones in my ears, but nothing's playing. 
I've got you on my mind, but you're not here.
I've got you in my heart, but I can't feel you.
You're always right there, but yet, you're never near.

Our song is playing, but I can't hear the music. 
I'm just waiting for you to walk through that door.
I said, well shouted, some things I didn't mean.
We argued, but you've always come back home before.

Now, I'm curled up in your t-shirt on the big chair.
Now, my stubborn nature has kicked into gear.
Now, I don't really want to see your face.
Now, when you come home, I hope you feel fear.

I hope your heart starts racing as fast as your thoughts.
I hope you're nervous because you may have ran that red light.
You always love to make me mad, because you think I'm cute angry.
Then again, you're always afraid to lose me when we fight.

Your headlights flicker on the wall across from me.
Despite myself, I'm not angry anymore.
In fact, my heart won't stop racing, and I actually have butterflies.
All of this in anticipation of you walking through the door.

I keep my hardened, stubborn composure.
Until I see you come in with your tail between your legs and your puppy face.
One look and all of my stubborn attitude fades,
And I can't even remember why we were fighting in the first place.


Details | I do not know? | |

O Forgetful

As you run out of the house
You realize something is wrong
You try to think of it
As you go to work
You think hard
Then you remember it's
You wife's birthday


Details | Epitaph | |

keegan armstrong

Here lies the body of keegan armstrong
who has nothing but a feeble arm
Not for work but daily meal raise
After a plentiful meal,he sits calm
Boasting of how strong his arm could be


Details | Bio | |

Truth Hurts

Although they might say honesty is the best polices. Don't tell the mess to me, 
honesty hurts and I already do enough hurting to me. Don't you ever fill that you 
cant tell the truth just say it because you care and not because of a bad attitude. 
The truth really hurts, And angry people are always willing to help spread the 
good word to hell with your feelings and to any body who cares. I can take your 
honesty if I thought you were truly my friend yes I no that's messed up. But a 
friend wouldn't knock a friend down just to build himself up. Never the less I will 
take your honesty if you must give it to me. I appreciate the time it took you to think 
about me, but with all the good that honesty can bring sure seams funny how it 
can causes so much pain. Although they might say honesty is the best polices. 
Don't tell the mess to me, honesty hurts and I already do enough hurting to me. 
Don't you ever fill that you cant tell the truth just say it because you care and not 
because of a bad attitude. The truth really hurts, And angry people are always 
willing to help spread the good word to hell with your feelings and to any body 
who cares. I can take your honesty if I thought you were truly my friend yes I no 
that's messed up. But a friend wouldn't knock a friend down just to build himself 
up. Never the less I will take your honesty if you must give it to me. I appreciate 
the time it took you to think about me, but with all the good that honesty can bring 
sure seams funny how it can causes so much pain. 




Details | Burlesque | |

Rudolph, The Brain Dead Raindeer

Rudolph, the Brain Dead Raindeer'
Had a very shiny arse,
Red from profuse bleeding hemorrhoids,
Santa figured he'd better put him last,
All of the other raindeers,
Used to laugh about his red tush,
Near Santa's North Pole workshop,
Could be found many a reddish bush,
So on this first Christmas eve,
With Rudolph at the rear,
Santa took off to the sky,
Red droplets flying backwards fast,
Often clogged poor Santa's eye,
Before he got to his first house,
His white suit had turned quite red,
Something told him it was more appropriate,
Went better with his sled,
From that point on, Santa's suit was red,
And remains so to today.....But now I've told
This secret old, and dearly did I pay,
Cause Santa does not stop at my roof,
Or bring us gifts of joy,
Cause I've got a BIG MOUTH!
And Santa I did annoy!


Details | I do not know? | |

Contagious Statesman

Too young to leap 
Too old to dream 
He bears nobody to ponder 
But musters a blissful insight 
A freelance in a broad daylight 
Though, faceless when Emerged 
Chanting hilariously at people who stared 
Even though time has weared away his pride 
You seldom hear him cry 
With head buried in the sky; he lingers on 
carrying ample of unquestionable cruds 
And when he smiles, he raised his noxious lips slantly 
Revealing the cynically coloured teeth to 
his scurring espionage 
Nevertheless getting glibs from retinue of seeming retards 
All around the suburbs 


Details | Quatrain | |

RASCAL BUT CUTE

He is not more than four
with the adventurous eyes of a conquistador;
he is rascal but cute,
and with his innocence my rebukes he dilutes!



Little rascal, slowly ride your tricycle down the bumpy block;
be careful not to fall off, and don't turn when I yell, " Stop! " 
When I was your age, I did what you are doing now,
and riding fast on grandma's farm...I hit the biggest cow!



Cry when I scold you, it'll teach you a first lesson;
better watch out for danger than get hurt and bleed!
No Spunge Bob's ice cream at six o' clock, if you won't slow down! 
I laugh when you say, " I am sorry! " thinking of your treat!



He has a sharp mind, a knock for furious things and all the more he must dare; 
and as rascal as he seems, he hugs me when he's wrong...and sadly breaks down!
I am a fair uncle, and I wouldn't punish him for a mischief that he has done!
And pedaling away he gets more thrilled than a clown with fuzzy, red hair!



He is growing up too quickly by the day,
and like a rebellious grown-up...he puts up more resistance,
but if he thinks he'll get away with his childish mischievousness,
aside form being rascal but cute, in a second I'll wisk him away! 


Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Lyric | |

piss poor of a man

you a sorry piss poor of a man
you been around the block
you even slept with my friend

i dont see
why you cant get it right
you come in-late at night
we start to-fuss and fight
youre not actin right

you a sorry piss poor of a man
you been around the block
you even slept with my friend

im the kind -
who speaks her mind
boy you wasting my time
i think you should leave
cuz you keep hurting me

plz dont testify
dont wanna here no lies
you can not change my mind
you wasting your time

you a sorry piss poor of a man
you been around the block
you even slept with my friend
repeat2x:

i guess you cant 
get it right
you will never
get it right
all i asked of you
was to treat me right

breakdown:
you slept around
"back then"
you even slept
"with my friend"
youre trifflin
"to the end"
you and me
"never again"

you never payed a bill
never asked how i feel
you never payed attention
never take time to listen

you a sorry piss poor of a man
you been around the block
you even slept with my friend

you think
you got it like that
when in fact it's not like that
you need to step on back
listen to all these facts

you a sorry piss poor of a man
you been around the block
you even slept with my friend
"friend"
repeat2x:


Details | Burlesque | |

A Christmas Carol For John Heck- "Mrs. Tannenbaum"

The following harkens to the past when I worked for a supremely idiotic furniture 
company, and I, as other managers, had to explain to customers who waited 8-
12 weeks, on the day of promised delivery, or, if lucky, the night before, that their 
furniture could not be expected for another 6-10 weeks...and outrage I had to 
somehow make justification for.  It's therefore called;

"Oh Mrs. Tannenbaum"

Oh Mrs. Tannenbaum,
Mrs. Tannenbaum,
Your furniture will not be coming....

Seems a volcano erupted,
And therefore interupted,
With the manufacture of your product,
We promise, when the lava is cleared away,
We'll put your piece as number 1

And, barring another incident,
With a disgruntled worker with a gun,
We should have your table ready,
For delivery....
Should it rain, of course,
It is with remorse,
We'll call you to postpone it,
Rest assured, we're bored,
Of playing cards an drinking beer,
Something always comes up,
To make us refill our cup,
And disappoint our customers...

Yet, to be quite true,
We're down to but you,
So we don't really care,
You had the balls,
To order a table,
Without a single chair!


Details | Bio | |

Second Bathroom

Another true tom tale

Many years ago,
1971 or 72,
We had only one bathroom
Normally that would do

I had to pee real bad,
The bathroom occupied
Another tom brainstorm
Why not use outside?

But I was young and stupid
Lazy as all hell,
Now I'm the older version,
Of yet a stupider tom bell

So opened the back door
Only 4 houses on our block
No one ever likely
To see my eager "bladder clock"

Soon on I had a stream going
When I finally raised my head
To spot a vision
That filled me full of dread

Our next door neighbor's wife
On lawn chair and with book
Seemed to be fixated watching me
And the bizarre action that I took

I guess she thought "Oh Pervert!"
Would never would I question why
All I know is
That that moment I could die

Did not leave the house for a week
Feeling stupid, and mighty meek
So if you gotta' go real bad
And can't wait no more
Do it in your pants
And not out your back door.


Details | Burlesque | |

Humpty Dumpty

All the King's horses,
And all the Knights that he made,
Couldn't help poor king Humpty,
And his desire to get laid.


Details | Rhyme | |

A Car's Wish

I wish my driver would take care of me,
there's crack in the windshield I know he must see.

He drives me fast and hard,
not to the mention the paint is marred.

The rear tire has been low for a week,
he should worry about all the oil I leak.

All he cares is whether the radio will work,
forget how my front end tends to jerk.

The windshield wipers are broke,
not to mention all the black smoke.

A tune-up how great that would be,
I just wish my driver would take care of me


Details | Burlesque | |

D.O.A.

I've arrived...
D.O.A.
There wasn't much I could say,
Had I passed my final day?
Had I faced my final goal?
Not quite,
For for me D.O.A.
Merely means
Dumb Old Asshole.