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Funny Sister Poems | Funny Poems About Sister

These Funny Sister poems are examples of Funny poems about Sister. These are the best examples of Funny Sister poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Quatrain | |

My Sister Is An Alien!

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!

Her mind control crying
Gets her anything she wants
I say "That's not fair!"
But she just looks at me and taunts

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!

It's just a disguise
I'm on to her
Is she scaly
Or covered in fur

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!

She's spying on us
They 're ready to invade
So don't just be frightened
Be very afraid!

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!


She knows I'm on to her
She's calling for friends
So run for your life
And hide till it ends


Details | Italian Sonnet | |

Sisterly Examples

When I was young, I had a great disdain
for Campell's nasty soup named Alphabet.
One Saturday it was our mother's threat
we had to eat it up or home remain
and miss the matinee. How inhumane!
Mom left the room; I never will forget
the thing which I'd repeat without regret -
I took that slop and tossed it down the drain!

When Mom returned, I'd "downed" all of my soup.
Again she left; Mel went to dump HER meal
and at the sink got caught. Poor nincompoop!
She missed "Red Riding Hood" while I, the heel,
went out. Our mom was left "out of the loop."
My little sister did not even squeal!

(Some slang words here for my non-native friends:
a "nincompoop" is a foolish person,
"out of the loop" means to never be aware of something
and the last verb "squeal" means to "tell on someone"
I always tried to get away with murder when I was young
and I can't believe my sister missed the movie by not telling
on me! On the other hand, I really enjoyed "Red Riding Hood" heehee)

For Frank H's 
A Childhood MEMORY Poetry Contest


Details | Rhyme | |

Sister, Sister

Mother Superior faced a daunting task,
Like no other in her forty years.
She had prayed it simply wasn’t so,
That Godly intervention might belie her fears.

But sadly, there was no such intervention,
No relief from the duty she did rue.
Despite her hopes and all her prayers,
It had been confirmed.  What she feared was true.

So, she gathered all the Sisters after Vespers.
The impromptu meeting caused quite a stir.
There was murmuring as they filed into the chapel.
She hesitated for a moment... but no, she was sure.

“Sisters, I asked you all here to share some news.
It’s something I never thought I’d have to say.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
Mary Catherine, a Sister for sixty years, said, 
“Oh, thank God.  I’m so tired of Chardonnay.” 


Details | Free verse | |

Ridiculous Me

Watch this scene with both eyes and try not to blink C: --> 

I stood there... silently
Like a predator near prey 
I sneak behind YOU

You weren't even aware of it!! Ha-ha! 

I made YOU jump hIgH
Like a startled hare
I chuckle and smile

You know that mischievous smile of mine? 

Your reaction was
PRICELESS - you were so upset
But YOU forgave me

Well...I'm flattered. . . 

We laugh'd together (just like the good times)
In a chorus - our volume
Picked up extreme sound

Believe me - I could hear our laughter from a mile away!

But I'm glad I did
My best to make you giggle

Ridiculous me... 
Wouldn't you agree?


Details | Rhyme | |

My Sister and Me

How many Guinea Pigs can you see?
Is it one, or two, or maybe three?
There's Honey and Sweetie, and Old Master Monty,
He ogles the girls 'till his eyes go quite wonky.
As to which one's the best, we just can't agree
'Cos they all belong to my sister and me

They live out of doors in a house made by Dad,
It's lovely and posh, the best they could have
A bit like on holiday when your' van's been delayed
They shout, "on the house", A PLATINUM UPGRADE.
For having to wait, It's totally free 
We're both very grateful, my sister and me.

We all love those Guinea Pigs, of that there's no doubt, But when it comes to cleaning them out
We both try pretending it's the other one's turn
We go for the wind up but we both need to learn
That nothing worth having ever comes easily,
And one day we'll get there, my sister and me.

How long do you think there'll be only three?
Suppose they gave babies, like a real family.
There'll be hundreds of Poohs and thousands of wee's
I hope they don't do  it on the brand new settee
Old Master  Monty will be as proud as can be
As he blinks a sly wink at my sister and me.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Rubber Boot

Sitting staring out the window for my sister to return
An overwhelming sadness, my stomach in a churn.
She a half day at school and I have not yet started
I thought the fates were cruel that we were even parted
The sun glinting off the puddles, maybe we'll play outside
Or maybe play barbies or color if she wanted to stay inside.

From school she returns and asks mom can she go outside to play
I ask can I go and she replies "no, they're my friends and you're a baby anyway"
Two 5 year old girls waiting on the porch, am I losing my best friend?
I hide my disappointment for if I cry I will hear about it to no end
Mom tells her to wear rubber boots and change out of her school dress
It was in that moment I hatched a plan that was spiteful, I confess.

She stripped down to her underwear and began to gather up her stuff
When she couldn't find one of the boots she got herself in a huff
My sister has a temper and a full blown tantrum fully erupted
She began to yell, and started throwing things, until my dad interrupted
"This will cool you down", as he put her out on the porch and locked the door              
Standing outside in underwear, tears streaming, now with something to cry for.

Her friends look upon her, their faces register shock
If there was only a way that I could turn back the clock.
I stare again out the window, but this time at my beloved sister
My heart in so much pain that I'm sure it will certainly blister
I felt so bad, so dreadful, my stomach tied in one huge guilty knot
I slowly walk to the hamper to retrieve the boot from it's hiding spot.


*True story, vivid memory for a 3 yr old I know, but this affected me deeply.
I told her I hid the boot when we were teenagers, we had a great laugh.

For contest: "A Childhood Memory''


Details | Rhyme | |

THE LITTLE MONSTER

THE LITTLE MONSTER

It can be sweet, or very sour.
It can be your friend, or your worst enemy.
It lives inside.
Free to roam the outside.
It smiles big when it gets what it wants.
If taken away, on the floor it will stomp.
Like a magician with many tricks.
It farts.
It kicks.
When mad it has a very loud yell.
My mom dose not let me call it.
A demon from hell.
It pulls hair, it punches, and it screams.
With this little monster,
it is best to be on its team.
This monster who around others acts like an angel.
Is really a beast in disguise.
It tricks you with hugs and kisses.	
It is very clever, very wise.
Under the skin the monster hides.
So what if it’s my sister from the outside

           Skat & Son


Details | Rhyme | |

Full House

Naughty little brother hitting people just for fun,
Soppy little sister snuggles up to harassed mum,
While other sister Lesley thinks she’s in a royal court,
And “Ten Ton Tim” throws the tennis balls he’s bought,
One hits little Lesley on the head with quite a force,
She storms off to her room, in a nark again of course,
She slams the door behind her once she’s made her way upstairs,
And then there’s the twins, I know that trouble comes in pairs,
Michael’s riding Richard with his undies on his head,
While Craig from down the road is wearing swimming trunks instead,
“Ten Ton Tim” then offers the other boys a fight,
One which probably won’t finish until very late at night
“You and Craig onto me!”; a tempting offer to the boys,
Who start to rush towards him brandishing their army-toys,
Lesley reappears from the dark behind the door,
Intending not carry on moaning any more,
Dad is quite sensible at stays at work ‘til dark,
I think it’s more crowded here than in Noah’s Ark.
Mother calls for quite but the noise just carries on,
‘Til Craig suggests they go to his and then the rabble’s gone!




(Written at the age of 9 or 10)


Details | Quatrain | |

Sister Wife And Uncle Brother

Sister wife and Uncle brother,
didn't really like each other,
so they left it up to me,
which one I liked the best you see.

Sister wife, now she could cook,
not too bad with line and hook,
but Uncle brother had good traits,
why he could name all 40 states!

Both of them were good in bed,
least that's what Cousin mommy said,
but Sister wife she had one ace,
and that there was her purty face.

Her eyes are green, and blue and brown,
one of them looks off toward town,
and she has no hair beneath,
her lovely, crooked yellow teeth.

Uncle brother, he's my friend,
I'll love him to the very end,
but he stops to scratch his britches,
'cause he says it always itches.

It is so embarrassing,
to watch him scratching at that thing,
but what am I supposed to do,
when Sister wife helps scratch it too?

Sister wife and Uncle brother,
suddenly they like each other!
I guess it's just a lucky me,
that has a great big family!


Details | Verse | |

How To Slice Pie

The homemade kitchen table sat
In the center of a small
Cozy warm room, dominated
By her, and her firm all

Cooking meals and preserving food
On the wood burning stove
She could do it all so I'm told
The stove held treasure trove

When she was teen, she learned to care
For the very young child
An older sister died leaving 
In their care four compiled

She used her knowledge rearing own
A trick held up her sleeve
To prevent sibling rivilary
Her wiles did tightly weave

She would let one child cut last piece
Of pie, other first choose
Each child would equally divide
One child right did abuse

This little boy cut one piece big
Way bigger than other
He saw he made a grave mistake
Grabbed piece ran from mother

He tripped and fell flat sprawling
Dropped his big piece of pie
And his sister sat relishing
Each bite while he did sigh

The moral of this story is 
Do right my friend at soup
Don't take too big piece of pie
The results could be dupe

Just writing for fun and telling a family story


Details | Free verse | |

Smile anyway

It is better to love and lost Well, you have heard the saying                                               but what I was trying to say is to never love at all                                                             that would be sad and that would make a clown frown                                                       while searching for words to make you smile                                                                     Is that a trick question you are the one judging                                                                with that poetry police and destroying going on                                                             What thinketh a poet and you did not know it                                                                    it is all fun and games until you have won                                                                    Who made this a contest anyway needless to say                                                              I am going to give you a peace of my mind pardon pun or not                                   whether I win this contest or not I think                                                                          You should know You have already have one                                                                And by the way I hope you find all you are looking for                                                     love you like a sis and this I would have no one miss                                                        Jesus loves you  Thanks for sharing always                        *                            *                           - scientist find blue iceberg/ A blue iceberg is visible after the ice from above the water melts, causing the smooth portion of ice from below the water to overturn. The rare blue ice is formed from the compression of pure snow, which then develops into glacial ice.


Details | Rhyme | |

My Family and Me

It's amazing how quick things can change.
First your running with the kings, and then you're knocked out of range.
It's strange. I used to worry and stress over friends.
Now I've grown to be a man. Maybe know a few of them.
All that time I could of studied. Did better in school.
Got a job and made it big. Maybe now I'd be cool.
Who's the fool? Now who's the bull? I know that's not me on the top.
Life is always making turns weather you like it or not.
The past will always be the past. My glory days may seem gone.
But, now its time to start a new.The stories keep coming on.
I've got a new girl. She means the world to me.
She keeps me warm at night, my best friend, my new dream.
Since my car accident, still got a limp on one side.
Still working with my memory, still need a friend who can drive.
I love to Karaoke. I get noticed in bars.
My mom's always there to catch me. Tom's working with my mom's cars.
My sister's in the Army, my niece is a big part of my life,
Friend Zach keeps assholes off me, and God is my wife.
AJ's always there to help, Brian is my LOST bud,
Mary's out of school, Lil cousin, Hunter's a stud.
Grandpa still is my idol, JT is still the music man .
The Adam's still can party. Chris, living good on the sand.
I may only use one hand, but I plan to be the best.
At all I do in life, cause there's not that much time left.
The blood test that I took says Landon is mine.
I hope this all works out fine in time and help to make my son's life shine.
JC who's down in Georiga, my heart is screaming for you.
I hope that you recover well. It can't be worse then what I went through.
Uncle Jimmy where you at? Where's Matt, Corie, and Pete?
I know you all are doing good. Serviolo's are a hard team to beat.
How's the rest of the family? I love and miss you all!
I hope you all are standing tall and I pray we never fall.
These last words that I say, I say only to you.
We've got the best family in the world and you know I LOVE YOU!


Details | Rhyme | |

My Sisters

You’re my sister’s and I love you,
You’re crazy just like me.
You listen to my feelings,
And most times you agree.

Our family has some problems,
And that we can’t deny.
You both sit there and you comfort me,
And tell me not to cry.

No one can come between us,
But people sure have tried.
We grew up all together,
And that we take great pride.

We may not always get along, 
In fact we disagree a lot.
Like the time I ate your chicken wing,
But said I didn’t when I got caught.

You blamed me when your clothes went missing,
You said you were sure that it was me.
But I didn’t take your brand new pants,
And that you must believe.

No matter what the problem is,
We always work it out.
We are sisters and we love each other,
And that, no one can doubt. 


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Duck of Guilt

when I was a little boy I ran into a little bit of bad luck
with my new slingshot I mistakenly killed my Nanna's pet duck
I was frightened and so scared that I had a panic attack
and thinking like a child I buried the duck in the back
unbeknownst to me there was a witness to this deed
I had inadvertently given my sister all the ammunition she would need
and for the entire summer she held that duck of guilt over my head
she blackmailed me to do all her chores until the day I was spirit-led
the Holy Spirit came upon me one day and told me to confess of my sins
for that would be the only way to gain control of my life once again
so with a contrite heart I went and told my Nanna what had went down
she laughed and said she wondered how long I would let my sister push me around
she said she saw me that day when I buried the duck in the backyard
and hoped that I would eventually come and tell her of my part
she was very much aware that my sister had held me in a bind
and she prayed that the teachings of the Lord would come to weigh on my mind
It was a lesson in life that I have since come to discover
that there's nothing you can hide that the Holy Spirit will not uncover
there is no thought, no deed nor anything that will remain concealed
that the light of the Lord Our God will not one day reveal
so don't let the duck of guilt be the sword that hangs over you
confess of your sins and simply live to always tell the truth


Details | ABC | |

Family Commandments

Family Commandments


Thou shall not pull thy sisters hair. Thou you shall chew thy food.
Thou shall not stay out until Midnight. Thou shall be in a better mood.
Though shall not answer me back. Thou you shall brush thy hair.
Though shall not wear that in public. Thou you shall behave in here.
Thou shall not give me cheek and run as fast as thou art.
Though shall not rush thy homework. Though you shall begin from the start..
Thou shall not scream at every opportunity no mater  if thy lungs be strong.
Thou shall not dance in tantrum. Thou you shall stay home where you belong.
Thou shall not eat me out of house and home. Though you shall get a job.
Thou shall not sit round like a bum. Thou you shall turn into a slob.
Thou shall not fight with your sister. Thou you shall give her a cuddle.
Though you shall not bunk away from school. Or Thou shall be in a muddle.
Thou shall not make noise while soaps are on, if you know what's good for thy ears.
Thou shall not blame your brother, Thou you shall see his tears.
Thou shall not ever worry, Thou I am here for you.
Thou shall not ever be sad. Thou you shall be happy It's true.
Thou shall not ever fret, even though we shall have our fears.
Thou shall never be alone. Thou you shall know we care.
Thou shall always have a life, Though u shall be happy and care.
Thou shall not have a problem alone. Thou you will know we are near.
Thou shall not take for granted, That shall be full of pride.
Though shall never wish for more, with thou family by thou side

By Shirley Moody


Details | Free verse | |

With My Sister Alicia

Sitting next to a dear friend,
Watching me on here,
Funny type such strange things,
Just to get her started. :)


Details | I do not know? | |

Anna Lou Bagolbol

           Anna Lou Bagolbol

Often times she suffers the consequences,
Not to be with us in times of sadness,
Her sole problems are kept in the darkness,
She never tells us even if it is quite obvious.

She is quite impressive,
She's so creative, sometimes naive;
Always smiles to everybody,
Never frowns even if her problems are so heavy.

Optimistic always in life,
Dreams a lot about her paradise,
Her dream family, What she's like,
To be a mother and a loving wife.

She doesn't get mad,
Instead other impressions of them makes them so bad,
She doesn't really like to fight,
But she can be a fighter with her mighty armor just like a knight.

She may be tackles sometimes,
But she's nice like her existence,
She might be so cuddly,
Beautiful, lovely, so pretty.

She hops while she's walking,
That's a part of her poise and attitude,
She dances when she's standing,
And speaks with her mouth wide open.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Two Sisters, One Wedding Two Brothers

          
~Two Sisters One Wedding Two Brothers~ The day dawned bright, excitement rose today above all others Two sisters today and a wedding, we were marrying two brothers The wedding was outside on a beautiful grassy patch Where cherry blossoms fell - floating living confetti to catch. Two sister brides we were ready, holding hands and smiling Two grooms waiting patiently their smiles very beguiling One groom bent to tie his shoelace, the other standing smart… One bride eager pulling, waiting for the walk to start. A choir of children sang a song as we skipped down the aisle Too eager to be Mrs and Mrs, walking slowly was not our style Our vows we recited slowly and we all meant every word Let no man part what God has put together, did not sound absurd… No father to give the sister brides - away to their grooms No wedding rings on fingers, just the cherry blooms No bridal gowns fit for queens or top hats for the boys A host of bridesmaids and pageboys though, making a giggling noise… A shy kiss on the cheek from the grooms, the vows were finally over No wedding breakfast or honeymoon just blossom petals and clover A crowd or children pressed around all giggling and wishing us well And then the grooms ran hell for leather at the end of lunchtime bell... The marriage was over before it began it lasted such a short while Two sister brides and two brother grooms that had all romped down the aisle We knew back then that some marriages were not made in heaven Next time it would last longer, when we were older than six and seven.,
© ~GG~21/06/2012


Details | Light Poetry | |

Quit Flapping And Flipping Those Lips {Footle}

her lips
just flips



Tribute To 
My Sister Who Just Cannot 
Stop Flipping That Lip  LOL


Details | Rhyme | |

Kids

As a dad of three I’ve got your measure
We love you protect you give us lots of pleasure
But……mums and dads aren’t as daft as you think we are
Dads give us a fiver and ill wash your car
Mum….can I take a couple of pounds out of the copper jar

My car barely sees water and a sponge because it’s too much mither
And the copper jar that held a tenner now holds just a fiver
And so it goes on

Dad….can I stay out as long as Paul his dad lets him stay out till eleven
A quick call to Paul’s dad guess what Pauls in at seven
We love you dearly but you kids think were daft
But were on to you it’s almost become a craft

And the classic dad can I have my pocket money mums give her last to my brother
A quick word with mum reveals you’ve just had a tenner
Me and your mum we do talk to each other
Clean your room up I’ve asked you 4 times if you don’t that’s it your grounded I said
I’ve done it dad you tell me I go check it’s clean but it’s all under your bed
That’s it your grounded
Toys out of pram and don’t give me that look
You know the one open mouthed astounded
You see mums and dads aren’t daft it’s all part of the game
But…..through all your tantrums and tears
We still love you all the same


Details | I do not know? | |

Spectacles...

Spectacles, tests tickle, a wallet and a watch...
"never leave your house, without such...
Remember the rhyme, little sister of mine..."

This was said,
when we grew up.
What I read, in my head
is that a test tickles...
On the wall et,
that egg is fickle.
Did it fall? Did you watch?
And I never left my house
without such...
things as my eyes.

"A test tickles"...
"An egg is fickle and
a cat was jumping the mood!"
Was she rude?
Did the cow say wow?
Or did he think it crude?

A spectacle? Yes,
through fret and pickles...
A test....
yes,
An egg is fickle
when the pieman tickles,
the spoon... is it noon? Yet.
Where are my glasses?
Oh... just on my head.
Is that the test?
What brother said?


Details | Rhyme | |

Mysterious Lady in Blue

Pictures sent to us on our PC.
Sometimes are wild as they can be.

As seen in pictures that we just received.
We could see them, as we retrived.

A mystery woman, I have to admit,
Was in all the pictures just a bit.

She had on a blue housecoat and bedroom shoes.
And in each picture her head was hid without any clues.

So finally when we reached the end.
I knew there must be one on which we could depend.

In the very last picture, there she stood.
And you could see her face as plain as anyone could.

It was Catherine, my wife's sweet beautiful sister.
Looking straight at the camera, thank goodness they finally clicked her.

She lives in Georgia with her husband Joe.
And has three children, all grown now you know.

They send us pictures on our PC.
And sometimes the pictures are as wild as can be!



*Catherine I love you with all my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Details | Quatrain | |

I REMEMBER SMOKEY

                                           I REMEMBER SMOKEY

Once when I was just a kid,
My sister eight years older,
My sister's boyfriend came to call,
As we were playing soldier.

Stationed in the jungle we,
Cut off from our troop.
Surrounded by the enemy,
We must escape, regroup.

To do this we must make a stand,
Take out that lone guard.
A local girl distracted him,
So we could hit him, hard.

My sister led him to the porch,
To kiss her friend good night,
Not suspecting they were watched,
Or what we planned that night.

They stood before the porch steps,
In young love's sweet embrace,
I'm sure the neighbors heard his scream,
You should have seen her face.

We snuck up very slowly,
They never heard a sound,
They thought that they were all alone,
With no one else around.

The timing perfect as we leaped,
I yelled to him,"ATTACK!"
And Smokey did as he was told,
He ran straight up his back.

The young boy screamed, jumped off the porch,
And made tracks for his car.
My sister cried to Mama,
"He'll prob'ly have a scar!"

The young boy swore that he was bit,
Felt teeth in his behind.
I grinned and said,"But not the cat,
The teeth he felt were mine."

Mama laughed so hard at that,
That we did not get punished.
My sister went into her room,
Her reputation tarnished.

She felt no boy would date her now,
She had a rabid sister,
Who hung out with a feral cat,
No one could resist her.

So cute and sweet, she had it all,
You'd think she had it made;
But with me no one would call,
She'd die as an old maid.

                                                   Judy Ball




Details | Couplet | |

Who Love's Ya Baby

who loves ya baby
hmmm now let me see

I know my mommy did
even though her shoes I did hid

I think my daddy did
when I didn't make him snid

brothers and sisters well maybe just a little
when I didn't get in the middle

my grandpa and grandma surely does
for I'll do anything for them just because

I know my little girl loves her momma
even better than president Obama

my dogs and cats loves me
even if they continue to make me sneeze

even my close friends new and old still spark the love
for we will alway's go on and well above

paperboy surely does
cause I tip him for keeping my paper out of bushes and shrubs

milkman used to
when I didn't make him shu

bill collectors oh yes
for I'm their baby who they love the best

so who loves me
well lets just continue to see



Tribute To Love



Also Entry For
Deborah Guzzi's 
Who Love's Ya Baby Contest


Details | Rhyme | |

My Little Siis

My Little Sis

Without her I know just what I would miss
For she is something so special is My Little Sis
She puts in the effort to make life such bliss
There can only ever be one of My Little Sis

She always sends me a funny Christmas card
This year a bookmark on which she worked hard
Because of that I think I would be remiss
If I did not work as hard on this present for My Little Sis

Birthday cards are funny always a joke
Even the ones I send her at my sis fun I poke
Ever so glad to have her though her taste is so bad
You know sis, Triple H and that Shawn Michaels lad

Mother I believe gave a sigh of relief 
For the sports on the telly she would get some relief
But alas and woe it was just wasn’t to be 
For My Little Sis is worse than father, brother and me

I don’t know where she’ll go next what route she will take
But with her great determination with sis nothing is fake
She’s so kind and thoughtful “laugh” if you insist
But don’t let me hear you laughing, at my little sis

So sis carry on with the strides you’ve made
Keep your head up and don’t get way laid
When things look the blackest just look at this verse
Remember your brother see things could get worse

I suppose your not little time passed and you grew
Into a woman with a husband and children to
A Hettie a Philby you look after and own
I suppose that’s a sign that you really have grown

Yet deep in my heart you’re still My Little Sis	
Hope you don’t find that funny or think it amiss
On this birthday so special my love to you I send
For my little sis to keep even when time has come to an end


Details | Couplet | |

I am just a woman...

I can’t fly a jet plane or bulldog a steer
But I can cuddle a child and calm his fear
I have never flown to Paris in the Spring
But I have proudly worn his wedding ring
Never understood physics or trigonometry
But I know a lot about Texas history
Can’t say I have been around a NASCAR track
I have stood by my word and never looked back
I sing off key sometimes, I know
Singing praises to Him that I love so

I am just a woman...
Not a beauty queen
Riding in a white limousine
A woman who is middle aged
Who lives alone and is not afraid
One who has taught school over twenty years
Lived my life with much laughter and tears
Borne a child and lost another
Been little sister to my sis and brothers
Believes in God and trusts in Him
Doesn’t worry about being slim and trim
One you can always count on being around
To cheer you up when you're feeling down
Willing to share your heavy load
Walk that extra mile down the road

I am just a woman...
So if I never see the Taj Mahal
In this life, I have had a ball
I’ll never have any extra money
But I have a man who calls me honey
Never visit the Pope in Rome
But I have a wonderful place to call home
Won’t be asked to confer with the president
But in America, I am a happy resident
I will never have fortune or fame
But I can still be proud of my name


Details | Free verse | |

Last Monday

The Catholics came to Junior school last Monday
And took my sister out of Maths
The rules had changed
They'd read The Book
Averages could no longer be taught in class

"One, plus one, plus one, the teacher said, equals three
And divided by three is one.
But Jesus, plus God, plus the Holy Ghost equals,
One
And divided by three is

Infinite Power!"

My hamster passed away last Monday
His soul left to be judged
I hope that when the good are numbered
That God knows how to count.


Details | I do not know? | |

I kicked George Costanza's ___

(This is a fictional poem)

I'm a tough guy and people have nicknamed me Thumper.
George Costanza dated my sister and I kicked his ___ when he dumped her.
My sister has the habit of picking the worst men.
When I got done, they nearly had to call Costanza's next of kin.
He said he'd marry her when he got her pregnant but he turned out to be a liar.
I put a big dent in that bald head of his and he was sorry that he didn't do right by 
her.
If you're like George Costanza, I have a message for you.
If you take advantage of my sister, I'll kick your ___ too.