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Funny Prayer Poems | Funny Poems About Prayer

These Funny Prayer poems are examples of Funny poems about Prayer. These are the best examples of Funny Prayer poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

I'LL NE'ER FORGET THAT DAY OLD MATE

My heart was pumping hard that day I faced the maddening crowd, 
Despite the spinning in my head I stood there mighty proud. 
Though racked with pain my reddened hand acknowledged them a wave 
And to this day I've ne'er forgot, the accolades they gave. 
 
It was a dream come true you see to stand there in that ring, 
For rodeo was in my blood and one day I'd be king. 
The beast I drew was mean and lean ... no Chainsaw I admit, 
But still if I could just ride time I'd show them I had grit. 
 
I'd limbered up behind the chute preparing for the ride, 
Well knowing what was just ahead, but took it in my stride. 
The chute boss called, "You've drawn chute five, get down and make it quick." 
Then as I eyed the beast below ... I suddenly felt sick.  
 
That brute it tried to climb the gate and bellowed cries of fear, 
While chute hands fought to organise the necessary gear. 
I felt the violent quiver of the hide between my chaps, 
The smell of sweat, the cry of men ... a change of mind perhaps? 
 
Too late I felt the rope pulled taut and shoved within my glove, 
I thought it's now or never mate and sent a prayer above. 
Then as I pulled my Colly down I yelled out, "Let him go!" 
The gate flew open ... it was on ... 'twas time to rodeo. 

With whites of eyes all full of hate that beast did twist and turn, 
'Twas obvious my frame aboard was something he did spurn. 
Eight seconds on this beast from hell seemed like eternity, 
For ev'ry muscle which I owned screamed out in agony. 

Between the jars and twists and turns I heard the crowd all cheer, 
Then at long last that blessed sound of hooter in my ear. 
The pick up man then pulled me clear and was I proud ... not half! 
I'll ne'er forget that day old mate I rode that poddy calf. 

 
 


Details | Rhyme | |

At the End of the Day

There's nothing like it after a hard day's work
To ge stuck in traffic behind some jerk
He smiles in his mirror like he's having fun
So I show him my finger because he's number one

Now rush hour moves at such a horrible pace
By the time I get home there's a beard on my face
If this isn't enough to make you hot
I arrive at home and can't find a parking spot

So I park up the street and pick up a nail
If swearing was a crime, I'd be in jail
Then I walk down the street which was freshly tarred
Our neighbor's dog did his duty in our back yard

I finish my dinner and sit down for the night
To watch TV and listen to the kids fight
I look at the ceiling and softly say
A prayer of thanksgiving at the end of the day.


Details | Rhyme | |

THE POT FARMER


I got out my pipe and stuffed it with pot, 
You better believe, it held a whole lot.
I whipped out a lighter and thumbed up a flame,
Then sucked down that smoke which comforts my brain.

I tried alcohol; and smoked cigarettes,
Though, they did nothing, but give me regrets.
My mom had arthritis and couldn't walk around. 
When I rolled her a joint, she danced on the ground.

I thought I was losing my lovemaking knack, 
But, after I smoked some, to me it came back.
Soon I decided prices were too high,
So I searched for some ground I wouldn't have to buy.

I bargained for seeds from smokers all around, 
Then, got in my truck and drove out of town.
I walked through the woods where the wild birds nest, 
And found me the meadow I thought was the best.

I dug up the ground and sowed all my seeds;
Then said a small prayer for strong, healthy weeds.
I watered at night with a five-gallon pail;
The mosquitoes went hungry for I wore a veil.

Eight months went by; I thought I would die, 
'Till the Halloween moon was high in the sky. 
One night I went out, in my camouflage suit, 
And used a corn knife to chop down the loot.

I hung it up to dry where it couldn't be found.
Then came back and got it, when it had turned brown. 
I trimmed off the buds, and stuffed them in bags,
Called all my friends and passed out free drags.

In less then a week, my crop was gone!
But, I flew to St. Thomas with love-hungry blond.

 


Details | Free verse | |

Dear God Good Night


                           Dear God, please give me a little brother
                                    I want to be a big brother
                              Dear God, tell my father and mother
                        I`m going to be a kind and good big brother
                                Dear God, give me a little brother
                              He can get my three-wheeled bicycle
                                        I`ll teach him to ride
                                   Dear God, you must not forget 
                                      then I will need a new bike
                          Dear God, it must be blue with yellow stripes
                               Dear God, please think about this now
                              My best friend got a new bike yesterday
                       Dear God, this prayer comes from John, five years
                               living in the white house on the corner
                                     Amen and good night Dear God

                                                      ***





30.03.2012
A-L Andresen :)


- Thank you for my 2nd place in the contest -


Details | Rhyme | |

Sister, Sister

Mother Superior faced a daunting task,
Like no other in her forty years.
She had prayed it simply wasn’t so,
That Godly intervention might belie her fears.

But sadly, there was no such intervention,
No relief from the duty she did rue.
Despite her hopes and all her prayers,
It had been confirmed.  What she feared was true.

So, she gathered all the Sisters after Vespers.
The impromptu meeting caused quite a stir.
There was murmuring as they filed into the chapel.
She hesitated for a moment... but no, she was sure.

“Sisters, I asked you all here to share some news.
It’s something I never thought I’d have to say.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
Mary Catherine, a Sister for sixty years, said, 
“Oh, thank God.  I’m so tired of Chardonnay.” 


Details | Triolet | |

Falling Snow

Outside the snow is falling
The children are sleighing
Sometimes they start snowballing
Outside the snow is falling
“Dinner is served”, their Mom is calling
The children don’t hear what she’s saying
Outside the snow is falling
The children are sleighing!
	


Details | Free verse | |

My confession

I am led by desire
I desire this
I desire that
I desire everything 
that all my friends’ 
have and desire
because 
someone else has and desires it 

God 
I know I have no use 
for most of it
but I must have it

I desire life
but not death
for the fear of it
I desire life because 
most my friends have it and want it 
and fear death because 
most of my friends fear it

God 
when I am dead
maybe I will desire nothing
because all my dead friends 
will most likely desire nothing
and hopefully
we will most likely have no use 
for any of it

then God 
what will become of it?


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Haiku | |

Aliens at Your Bedroom Window

Don’t worry now child
There's no god, so worship space
You are not alone.


Details | Limerick | |

Mega Grouper

Mega Grouper slips past bait fish

Sets his sights on a bigger dish

  “Oh my,” says the diver

  “Am I on Survivor?”

Clings to hope on a prayer and wish



Written for the Attack contest


Details | Rhyme | |

Uh, Tower, We Have A Problem Here

They were nearing LaGuardia Airport when the pilot felt a sudden urge.
He told the copilot to grab the yoke saying his bladder he must purge!
He left the cockpit and wended his way to the lavatory in the rear.
Thus, a series of events unfolded, some of which remain quite unclear!

Things 'flowed' along nicely until the pilot attempted to exit the john!
Alas, the door was jammed and he mused, "Is someone putting me on?"
When he tried to escape from his predicament he discovered a catch;
He was alarmed to find that the doggone door had a defective latch!

In the cockpit the copilot was growing very uneasy about their plight.
The tower called to say they were 50 miles out and were cleared to alight!
To add to his consternation, some jerk was pounding on the cockpit door,
Yelling with a foreign accent - a serious situation he dare not ignore!

The tower operator, just to be certain there would be no later regrets,
Wisely called the Air Force and they alerted a squadron of their jets!
The copilot proffered a prayer saying, "Lord, have mercy on us please!
Help, Lord!  Landing this bird alone will test my fortitude and expertise!"

In the meantime good Samaritans helped the pilot to escape his cell!
He scampered to the cockpit to take charge and all turned out well!
This mortifying escapade will be long remembered in airline lore,
About the pilot whose wings were clipped by a faulty lavatory door!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

(Based on an actual incident that occured on a flight from Asheville, NC
to LaGuardia Airport, 16 Nov 2011.   Written with just a tad of embel-
lishment!)


Details | Quatrain | |

12 o'clock 12 o'clock 12 o'clock

12 o'clock... 12 o'clock... 12 o'clock! How does one set the damn clock Had to put a sheet on my new clock radio To get the damn flashing to stop Thought I was smart, quite intelligent But technology has me all bamboozled Tried reading the manual that comes with the unit To comprehend, from my brain came refusal My smart ass ten year old nephew came by "Not a problem dear uncle, I'll fix it" A minute and a half later, the damn flashing stopped Felt dorkish and kind of a twit My fervent prayer which I offer without malice That technology buries this young geek In a deluge of bits and bytes and firewalls Till no longer he can get a night's sleep! © Jack Ellison 2012


Details | Limerick | |

Falling Down- Trochee

Every time I take a step,
I end up falling down.
Legs flying throw the air,
Making me look like a clown.

Though if I jump up in the sky,
Holding a simple prayer in my mind.
I fly....
Only to land on my behind!:-)


Details | Light Poetry | |

Death of a Salesman

Christmas comes just once a year And that should be a blessing, It’s not the birth of Christ I fear, It’s the shopping that’s so depressing. They now fire off starting guns, To start the spending is their goal. But the news stories that the TV runs, Report the shopping day’s death toll. It seems the shoppers who wait up front In these times of greed, In order to get the gifts they want Are willing to make you bleed. So say a prayer and get out of the way For it’s civility that we clearly lack, We used to call this “Shopper’s Friday,” But you see now why it’s called black.


Details | I do not know? | |

Country Christmas

“Country Christmas Carol”      ---  dedicated to my family

 by  Miriam  McCue (creator of flamingo art, & poetry.so far.)

We love to sing Christmas songs,
My Grandson Bubba and I.
And when we sing Country Christmas.
We almost make the angels cry.

A Merry Country Christmas
To all those great Country Folk,
And even to the City Slickers,
Who also love to drink and smoke.

We’ll take a drink for Bubba, Aunt Mike and Cousin Jim, 
And hope that this Christmas,
They’ll say a prayer and sing a hymn.

Gather round the still, 
Country People all.
 And hold up Uncle Bill
So the old coot doesn’t fall. 

A Merry Country Christmas, 
One full of country joy.
Little Willie wanted a 12 gauge,
But all he got was a toy.


Details | Quatrain | |

Collaborating In the Clouds

New Year Resolutions are fine, But they’re just not enough So I say a prayer to the Big Boss When what I want is tough For the year of two thousand and twelve I said a short prayer In hopes of getting the help I need from the boss way up there “Dear God, I wouldn’t ask for this, If it was just a whim. Please give me a fat bank account And a body that’s slim” “Last year I prayed for the same thing But it was all in vain This year be careful, Dear God, and don’t Get them mixed up again! “Well my son you don’t understand I heard both of your prayers And what you asked for, was not ignored It’s just not in my plan”
Submitted by: Charles Sides


Details | Free verse | |

Driving Miss Daisy

Commit to the turn!
Turn, Turn, Turn!!!
I am behind you, see me burn! 
If you turn on your blinker
That means your going left or right
The way you drive leaves me in a fright!
Anxious I may be to get on my way
But your driving (or lack there of) is keeping us all at bay
As I take a deep breath and say a prayer for you
I am reminded that I have a grandma too
If you’re old or very young indeed
Here are some instructions for driving day by day
Commit to the turn! 
Turn, Turn, Turn!!!


A Poem for Contest “ What Annoys You” 


Details | Rhyme | |

Springtime Wannabe

Sweet pea, Apple blossom, Anemone, Brodea,
Peach blossom, Amaryllis, Delwood, Freesia,
Ranunculus, Calla lily, Bird of Paradise.
I think each of these smell very nice.
Needing more, these are a must.
Gardenia, Hollyhock, Narcissus,
Tulip, Wax flower, Seeded Eucalyptus.
I’m neither gardener nor a green thumb.
Must I say it, I’m rather flower dumb.
Every flower I plant quickly begins to fade.

Where to plant, what to plant, I don’t know the trade.
Alas I try every year to have a great show,
Not a lack of effort, just a lack of know.
Now if you see me in the yard digging in the dirt,
Ask God a prayer for the plants not to hurt.
Because each year I do ask God to forgive me,
Even though I fail, I’m a Springtime Wannabe.


Inspired by the contest Flowers of Spring (not an entry)


Details | Rhyme | |

THE PERFECT PRAYER

THE PERFECT PRAYER

I was leading the service at church Sunday night.
We were deep in the throes of a spiritual fight.
The preacher was gone, emotions ran high.
My first thought was no, but I knew I must try.

When it came time to pray, I wasn’t prepared.
I was feeling the pressure as everyone stared.
In searching my mind for guiding direction,
my wondering eyes made an easy connection.

He was a principled man who never said much.
Most knew him for his compassionate touch.
Before I could weigh all the risks it involved,
I had asked him to pray, my problem was solved.

He reluctantly agreed with a nervous little smile,
then started in, “God…” and paused for a while.
He struggled intently for words to compose.
As each moment passed, the room-tension rose.

A silent prayer, not what I first had in mind,
but we all had one going for words he could find.
A long awkward silence; I had counted to ten,
when he finally yelled, "Help!" and a quiet, "Amen."

Laughter burst out over what had occurred.
He summed up our anguish with one masterful word.
This spirit-filled man, I had put on the spot,
had patiently waited for the answer he sought.

Our healing began from that heartfelt plead.
When we give it to God, He knows just what we need.
With hope now replacing any thoughts of despair,
I thanked him for praying the perfect prayer.



	The Perfect Prayer was based on a true experience I had at a high-school 
	youth retreat. The scenario was slightly different, the impact was the 
	same. This piece, one of my favorites, has been published in several 
	publications. Sometime, I think, we make prayer too complicated.


Details | Concrete | |

NOT MY little JOY

    NOT MY LITTLE JOY

Everyone who knows knows it shouldn’t have gone this way
A friend I’ve had for eons knows this isn’t the way it should be
That such a threat be handed unto me
My ex-wife Peggy will say the same
That such a strengthened opponent would summon my name
Just three quicksilver years out of high school
Thought I was cruel because those guys seemed cool
Only to be confronted and finally tormented by  such a gory ghoul
Without  question my parents would tell you “not my boy
Not my boy who blessed this earth with his birth
And oh how cute at only ten days old he could get up on one knee
Things like this don’t happen to him, my husband or me”

And they would say those exact same words only maybe paraphrased a bit
I feel like yelling loud enough for people for miles around to hear me scream “Holy S**t
This isn’t fair and I can’t bear the thought of such a callous end
After my doing things an honest man could never defend 
Looking back at the people a hurt badly enough for blood to run
And every single act of selfishness I have ever done
So now, as my every dream, plan and prayer fades
Maybe it’s righteously right that I would contact aids
    © 2011.… Phreepoetree



“


Details | I do not know? | |

The Porn Star Prayer

Lord,
We do give thee thanks for the abundance
That is ours in glorious nudity
Even though some of it is saline
And some with silicon
Bless each and every one
~~~
Tell your mind what your body 
already knows
~~
Understand this,
They wanna be you, they wanna be just like you
Because right now, you are the sexiest
Woman on God’s green Earth 

Amen
?

NOTE: This piece is NOT about pornography, it is a satire, a humorous jab at 
the Industry
Please enjoy with this in mind or skip over it completely Thank you


Details | Free verse | |

Cemetery Of Your Mind

(In the 80's, Pueblo, Colorado, poets Kyle Laws and Tony Moffeit played cemetery zombies in a Pueblo-directed, written and filmed horror movie, "Curse of the Blue Lights". They and Wrulf Gunkl VonGlashaus agreed to write poems, either entitled with or containing the line: "I was a zombie in the curse of the blues lights”.)

I was a zombie
in the curse of the blue lights,
phosphorescent dream,
And zombie, I found, is something you'd better do before you cross over,
people won't recognize you, you won't look the same
if you wait until too long after you're gone,
and zombie's what happens when your brain short-circuits on a frenzied emptiness of mind
staring out into the night through your glassy eyes,
the air both suffocating and liberating,
You exist, are there, yet not,
intensely exhibitionistic,
The stars look like billions of voyeuristic eyes bulging and winking with lurid fascination,
owls crouch on barren branches overhead,
their eyes rolling and twisting,
measuring an unsteady rhythm as they follow your lurching reel
through time narcissistically mirroring itself in endless loops without apology,
You're a zombie in the curse of the blue lights,
impossible to tell if you, the night, time, the stars and very air - beginning to stir -
are warped,
the tombstones looking like unusually large pebbles on the sands of a foreign, yet familiar sea,
like abnormally high speed bumps in the road to where you know not,
as the wind begins prayer in a low howl above which the owls begin a late-night requiem:
"Hoo, hoo, hoo-o-o!"
until you groan: "You, you, you - well, actually, it's me, me, me!"
groaning, lurching, reeling
until you collapse with a vague knowledge and a smile on your face,
rising soon to the dance, again,
since the night stretches before you,
the stars still winking and beckoning you to lean into the reeling minuet
until the dawn of realizing you are a zombie in the curse of the blue lights and the
cemetery of your own mind... no drug in
the world could be more effective...


Details | Lyric | |

Ode to Snow: Snow Week

Verse 1:
I’ve been in my house for way too long
So now I resort to write this song
For all of the people who would agree
To very simple heartfelt plea

Chorus:
Snow please go away.
We hope that you’ll return another day
You’ve outdone your welcome you see
So I hope you will listen to me
                                         Oh please,
Verse 2:
The first day I was amazed to see
That God had given snow to me
The second day I was real surprised
To see that the roads were still real iced
Third day had come my heart was blue
The fear in my mind had just come true
School had been cancelled for the day
So to our God this prayer I laid

Chorus:
“Make the snow go away
We pray you’ll make return another day
Please Lord don’t you see
School is where I really need to be”
                                          Sincerely Me,
Verse 3:
Fourth day a feeling came to me\
Frustration, boredom, and sadness three
Fifth day I ventured to the yard
Seeing the ice was very hard
I couldn’t take that day anymore
So I started season 3 of 24
Maybe this snow would never leave
Until I lose excessive sleep

Chorus:
I can’t stand you snow
Someplace else is where you need to go
My toes are numb I can’t find my brain
I don’t suspect I’ll ever feel them again 

Verse 4:
The sixth day came I was so glad
To get out the house with my dear dad
At the Starbucks I left my purse
Proving I’d lost my mind of course
Tomorrow is Friday a snow day too
I’m hoping the sun will come melt you
Activity low, I am so bored
But now I’ve run of guitar chords

Chorus:
In this house I’ve been for way too long
It’s given me time to write this song
Snow listen to this request I plea
My friends and family would agree
                                              With me…..


Details | Rhyme | |

The Gravediggers - A Sequel

Mr. Butcher, the undertaker, did a capital job of laying old Cheatum out,
Though he had to cram him in the casket since the senator was rather stout!
During the viewing, folks marveled at Mortician Butcher's cosmetic skill,
Especially the work on his bulbous nose, purpled by the booze he used to swill!

At the funeral, the preacher asked if anyone cared to eulogize the late departed.
The stone-faced congregation remained mute - no kind words were imparted!
This came as no surprise to the reverend who struggled to say something nice,
Something tactful and meaningful for the old galoot's bourne to Paradise!

His stoic widow sat staring ahead under the glaring gaze of the congregation.
She wore rubies, diamonds and emeralds looking like a queen at coronation!
Cheatum somehow always managed in his annual congressional appropriation,
To divert funds for his aggrandizement, further tainting his soiled reputation!

He was transported to Glorious Sunrise Cemetery in a horse-drawn hearse.
Folks thought that appropriate since they knew him to be a horse's reverse!
The reverend intoned an appropriate prayer as he was lowered in the ground.
There was nary a teary-eyed constituent of old Cheatum to be found!

On a nearby grassy knoll stood the gravediggers Arnold, Cletus and Dave,
Leaning on their shovels sipping Old Milwaukee waiting to close the grave.
Cletus having a way with words said, "I feel like throwin' rocks at the hearse!
Good Lord a-mighty! Can that new guy, Senator Swindler be any worse!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Acrostic | |

TURKEY AND PUMPKIN PIES

To all wo crave turkey...good appetite and good health!
Utilize your skills in creating charm in a bright dining room. 
Round up the best ideas for success, ask if you need help.
Kidding yourself is absurd, get all the help from friends.
Enamor yourself with dinnerware and silverware that match.
Yearn for an athmosphere so warm, cheerful and elegant.
Allow kindness when dealing with kids who spill apple cider.
Nobody should be privileged to say Grace but the host. 
Dance afterward with everyone in the decorated living room.
Papa can smoke his cigar, if it doesn't bother the guests.
Unity should be stronger on this day when all thank the Lord.
Major issues about noises, caused by children, should be ignored.
Pretend that Thanksgiving Day is the last one they'll ever see.
Keyboard should play Hymns of thanks, not songs they all like.
Inside the fireplace, the red log crackles reminiscing Thansgivings past.
Nag not when the dog chases the cat under the table...laugh!
Parents should be soft, not harsh...let Thansksgiving be a fun day!
Inside the fireplace the log crackles...reminishing of Thanksgivings past.
Endure the screams and the fights a little longer...no child is an angel.
Say the final prayer of gratitude as everyone bows their heads.


Details | Free verse | |

The Ladies of the Temple

Each Sunday you find them at every church at least one in every pew
The ladies of the temple where visits from God are few
They enter in dressed to the nines their flashy clothes are worn
And beneath each painted face you find a heart that’s cold and scorned
Make sure you never cross them for there is hell to pay
If the ladies of temple have a bone to pick your way

The stories that so many tell about problems that arise 
When revenge is sought and payments brought can offer ones demise
Don’t let their sweet words fool you for the meaning behind the voice
Will bring a victim to their knees in prayer before the Lord
I say this now to warn each one for I was once in twine
The curse brought down upon my head outweighed the great divine

To all out there who know too well heed the warning in these words
Please do not mess with ladies dressed to kill now you are warned
Each out for blood each out to hurt every living soul of man
I say this from a compassionate view take heed these words have said
For hell it hath no fury making Satan’s life look simple
A mistake I made when I failed to praise the ladies of the temple


Details | I do not know? | |

Stories Told

Give us today our daily bread

Are words from a prayer we’ve said

Now I lay me down to sleep

And pray our Lord our souls we keep

Never rest your head on an angry word

Is something that your mother heard

It is not goodbye it's see you soon

Bad luck is to come when you see a full moon

These are tales that have been passed down

Just like your little christening gown

You know you have at least said one

Just think about it I found it fun

Who thought them first and paper found

I know my mother passed them down

So each and every thing we say

Just might be passed down one day

Children's ears will tell the tale

So tell them stories and tell them well

For some day soon your words you will hear

Come from someone you hold so dear



Details | Rhyme | |

I Took Some Time With God

I Took Some Time To Spend With God…

I took some time to spend with God alone.
I asked for his blessing in my life and home!

I took some time to tell him that I love him!
I know that he listened and I can trust him!

It seems like yesterday I was a young boy.
There were many things I wanted to enjoy!

I enjoyed prayer with my lord and friend!
I felt his joy and peace within!

I didn’t realize how busy life would be…
I thought less of God,..  And more of me!

I’m thankful that I know a God who cares!
He’s never too busy for a moment to share!

He has blessed and renewed my mind!
He’s always so patient, loving and kind!

Thank you Jesus for the time we have together!
I’m looking forward to being with you forever!

You are the one that I will daily seek!
I need your direction each day of the week!

All praise and honor to you. is what I give!
I won’t forget you each day I shall live!

You’ve blessed and strengthened my life today!
You’re the truth, the life, and the way!

I shall sing of your praises with pure delight!
I know now that things in my life will be alright!

By Jim Pemberton


Details | Rhyme | |

Dentist (footles)

tooth ache
                nerves shake
                                  dentist drilling
                                                      tooth filling
                                                                     Gum  numb
                                                                                     works done. 

                  
     ****** ******************************************************

This footle is different from my other posts but based on a true story 
I went to the dentist last year  and she said  I needed two fillings but on one tooth she then  
said the 
hole was too deep to fill and would have to be taken out, I panicked and  said no I dont 
think so as i was scared at that time as my mother pulled some loose teeth when I was little 
with a towel, , I went for prayer at church afterwards.  I found  a new dentist and when I  
explained what happened he looked at my tooth and said their is no hole, he took an x ray 
and still no hole, it was gone, I did not need a filling in the first place, that other dentist was 
willing to take it out for the sake of it, but God was still looking after me, I took a step of faith 
to step out and go to a new dentist and God did the rest, it is amazing what he can do, we 
can move mountains even if our faith is as small as a mustard seed. if we trust God  and 
believe he can sort out any problem either big or small , he heals us  I am no longer scared 
of dentists  and I still have all my  teeth not  a single one missing, , Amen


Details | Couplet | |

A New Years Prayer

Resolutions are fine, but just not enough
So I say a prayer when what I want is tough

For two thousand and twelve, I said a short prayer
Hoping to get help from the boss way up there

My prayer requested these two items from him
A fat bank account and a body that’s slim

Last year I asked for these two items in vain
I hope HE doesn’t get them mixed up again 


Details | Light Poetry | |

Bear With Me

I know a man who went to the zoo but they wouldn’t let him out,
So hairy was his body that his heritage was called into doubt.

He asked to have a lawyer but none of them would take his case,
None of them thought that he had a prayer after looking him in the face.

“I am not an animal,” he pleaded to them, “I’m just a hairy guy,”
“If you’d only check my DNA you’d know that it’s no lie.”

So a judge ordered that the test be run to see if he was a man,
To confirm once and for all that he belonged to the human clan.

When the results of the test came back and the answer could be seen,
The man was surprised to learn that he carried the grizzly gene.

“Hmm,” he said as he pondered upon his own reflection in the mirror,
This sheds new light on my life and I can see things so much clearer.”

It helps me to understand why it is that when I visit at the park.
I feel the need to scratch my back by rubbing it against tree bark.

And why when I get the urge to eat seafood it always seems to be,
No restaurant ever can serve raw Salmon that’s fresh enough for me.

It explains why when a driver cut me off as he dialed to make a call,
At the next stoplight I pulled him out and devoured him phone and all.

I guess now that I think of it I’ve suspected it for quite some time,
But what can you do if you’re a Grizzly bear? It certainly isn’t a crime.

The court decided that he had a point and that his upbringing was the cause,
So they couldn’t bring themselves to remove him from his teeth and claws.

Even though his violent ways were something that couldn’t be neglected,
There wasn’t much that they could do because his species was protected.

So they tagged his ear and fastened a GPS that utilizes satellite high tech,
And now his wife and kids can track him by the collar around his neck.

You might think that for them this situation might be something terrible,
But they are all adjusting quite well and their lives have become bearable.


Details | ABC | |

She's A Bubbalette

She don't care which kind of beer, but it must be cold
But her favorite has always been the Bull
Her hobbies include, but not limited to, chewing tobacco, arm wrestling and 
going punch for punch in the arm with men
After a few beers, she likes trashing the good names of Barbie and Ken
She wears her favorite tee shirt that reads I'm single because I haven't found the 
right guy
They say there's someone for everyone, but in her case, that's a lie
I wish in my lifetime, that we had never met
Her real name is Maxxine, but she is known as a Bubbalette
In the winter is  flannel shirts, and BVD long underwear underneath
I took her out to lunch, she removes the chew from her mouth and places it on 
the table, than asks for a prayer before we eat
She is the president of the David Hasselhoff fan club
She told me for him she would pledge all her love
If she gets married, it will be a honeymoon in a single wide, the groom will be 
named Chet
He will be a Bubba, how perfect, she's a Bubbalette
Country folk appreciate her for who she is, the chewing tobacco and all
She stands at the counter at Burger King, she pays the cashier with money she 
takes from her bra
She is at a red light, opens her car door and empties her spit jar on the street
Her freezer recently went out, she had a barbecue to get rid of the deer meat
Her motto is, no matter what in life, love who you are, have no regrets
Go ahead, I predict the only one to love you, will be you, you're a Bubbalette
Her normal attire is Levis 501 jeans and wife beater shirts
She doesn't shave her legs, she will never wear a skirt
She decided to join the Navy and fly fighter jets
Her call sign will be Bubbalette


Details | I do not know? | |

Prayer to the Porcelain God

Short footed god of porcelain and white,
I ask your help to get me through the night,
I come to you again in agony and despair,
With whiskey on my breath,
And peanut shells in my hair.
My head is pounding,
The room is spinning,
The total reversal of the contents of my stomach,
Unfortunately is beginning.
I can walk no further,
 I can drink no longer,
My shear stupidity,
 I sit in the floor and ponder,
I didn’t come here for self-degradation,
I had no intention to give common sense the boot,
But responsibility and moderation,
Unfortunately are not my strong suits.
I hang my head in reverence,
I assume the position,
My gift to you will soon commence,
Through your crown of my own fruition.
Save me from myself,
Save my life from going south,
Save me from witnessing,
My shoes come out of my mouth.
But, if I must give back,
All that I have taken in,
Help me make it to tomorrow,
So that I may be forgiven,
For my depravity and sin.
If you’ll just do that for me,
I swear I’ll never drink again,
It’s a real waste to go out every weekend,
And never remember any of the things I’ve done,
Or the places I’ve been. 
I know that talk is few and far between,
But I don’t want the bad me to be,
All that anyone can remember being seen.
Please except my prayer to you this day,
As I pull the lever and wash this night away,
I’ll make good on my promise, 
Thanks for listening to my praying,
And I won’t be back again tomorrow,
Of course, that’s what I’ve always been saying.



Details | Rhyme | |

Radical Sabbatical

  I was sittin in the crook of a white oak tree
when I saw six monsrers
or maybe three
I got real scared at first you know,
'cause they all had eyes as white as snow
they spread a blanket 'neath my perch
and started in to havin church!
one big furry sort of guy
said a prayer up to the sky
that's when he caught sight of me
and reached and caught me by the knee
He pulled me down into his lap
and let me wear his baseball cap
I laughed and punched him in the arm
He said"Son we don't mean no harm.".
"We ain't doin nothin radical,we're just here
on a sabbatical.Monster Land is mighty cold,
and all of us is gettin old.See we're just tourists
on a trip
thats when I give that guy the slip
I up and run to Grandpa's farm
He said"They won't do no harm,He saidThem fellers
come each year
they call 'em Big Foot around here
They's just cold monsters from across the nation
who come to Florida on vacation.


Details | I do not know? | |

Blank Screen

Sitting in the entertainment cabinet.
Good comes out of all things in due time,
Shetler for homeless spiders.
Why not?
Place an ad for rent,
Plenty of living space.
Boob-tube seems to serve no purpose,
But to rot the human mind away.
Cable guy-
Special prayer for him tonight, "Thou shalt not lie."
Cable gal?
Please!
Sweet soften sexual voice,
I can get that on TV.
Pick up lines I have heard them all!
Excuse me,
Sells-Pitch?
Line is a line,
It all the same.
Cable man,
Woman.
Go figure,
Better not,
More than enough suffering in the world today.
Cable service,
They hate me why?
Maybe because,
I am not a paying customer?
So,
I opened the doors to this lost buy.
Blank screen,
Interesting.
Picture show looks good.
I believe I'll sit awhile & watch,
I know it off!
Different from what been on lately.