Mom.. I think I might be homosexual..
CALM~DOWN !.. I just said THINK !..
It's not I fear
My multi~studded ear ,
Or that I look stunning dressed in pink .
I wont complain ,
As I sip champagne
Of my blemish~free youthful looks ,
Or how I enjoy the finer things in life ;
Like fine art , or poetry books .
NO !.. I never joined the Girl~Guides .
You're being silly...patronizingly .
I dont like damp
But I do love camp....
'Specially in Summer , by the sea .
I like being with Brad and Christopher ;
Young Lloyd is such a dear
And Mourice is such a sweet lad ;
Yes.. I'll always keep them near .
But , deep inside my inner soul
When push will come to shove .
For my own part ,
Who has my heart ,
Yes !.. It's Annie I really love .
But one thing that still bothers me ,
And will , until my dying day ....
Is , when on that morn....
Yes!.. When I was born..
WHY ! !.. Did you name me GAY ??...
A good looking plumber named Marty Ridge,
Met the girl of his dreams near a pub fridge,
Even though very attracted to this plumber man,
Sue had to say no when asked for her hand,
She just couldn't be known as, Sue Ridge.
This poem stinks.
It doesn't rhyme
It doesn't do anything
It has a little alliteration
it will have some
because that's the easiest poetic element to incorporate
and if it didn't have any poetic elements
it would not be a poem
but would be prose with
(are carriage returns extinct?)
and that would be dishonest.
This is not a lying poem.
That would be oxymoronic.
It's a stinky poem.
And when I finish writing it
I'm gonna print it out
and tear it up
into little bitty
teensy weensy pieces
(if I have enough patience to get that small)
and flush it down the commode
so it can join all the other
excrementally effluential essences
(note the alliteration)
of all the other stuff that stinks
almost as badly as
I do not know?
There was a lady that I once knew
She met her love she felt was true
He carved their initials into a tree
As she leaned closely on his knee
Trouble in paradise soon they learned
When her initials he wanted to burn
Her middle name he did not know
Until on the tree he wanted to show
Her initials spelled a body part you see
For her name was Linda Elaine Greene
When he burned it into the tree
He was concerned exactly what would be
When also carved his name into the tree
His name spelled a body also you see
For his name was Armond Raymond Moran
Now what was seen Leg Loves Arm so he ran
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
White board…names written hori-
To go pee…right when class starts –
THAT’S just wrong…
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!
Not using lunchtime to do
No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
Let’s hve haggis and drinks mi luve
Find de bes ina de ole land
Lay yu head on mi chest mi luve
Whilst wi dance musik wid de band
Dance wid de band in de Highlands
Backyard jig good fer de ole soul
Tickle mi nose with yu gold locks
Tigether wi bade ead to toe’s sole
Call Fionn mi Luve with his jug
Nice poems he read at de gate
Summon the Clooties with a mug
Aye, they will cum and bles dis date
We’ll sail de river on Loch Ness
Kelpies will protect our flanks
Goddess Scotia says we bless
Oh mi chamin' sweet Sidhe, tanks
Aye! Mi sweet luve; Boobrie will fly
He will fetch up the Salmon Ring
And a knot cross de land we tye
Red Caps our guard til cum de spring
Then wid haggis and drinks mi luve
Goddesses'pipes blow dem great songs
In the grey mist we skip and dance
Then like Boobrie we fly with doves
Scottish Mythical Legends:
1. Fionn is a Scottish magician, warrior and poet
2. Clootie is a Scottish name for the devil. The name originated from the word cloot, which
mean a division in the cleft hoof of an animal.
3. Kelpie is a Scottish water devil who lurks in lakes and rivers and drowns its victims.
4. Scotia is a goddess normally portrayed as an old hag with the tusks of a wild boar
5. Sidhe (Shee) is the Gaelic name for fairies in the Highlands of Scotland and also Ireland.
6. Boodrie is a wonderful water-bird from the Highlands. It haunts and protects the lakes
7. Red Cap is a sort of short, stocky old guy with long gray hair and claws instead of hands
and fingers. He lives on the Scottish border and guard the ancient ruins of castles
to all of you that think facebook is just a game
posting all your business without any shame
now dont you think it's just a little strange
sharing your life with people that only knows you by name
our profiles has our name and our address too
now what if someone was actually stalking you
you really would'nt be that hard to find
and that's a little scary with a world so full of crime
there is always someone out there that just uses this site
only to find out what you were doing last night
and all this information is available to your kid
so they can see all that you're doing or did
still you tell all you plan to do
not realizing everyone who's friends with you
so next time you post try thinking twice
do you really want to share everything about your life
hey you dont have to listen to what i say
keep posting your life anyway
and we'll just say it was an act of carma
that you got caught up in this facebook drama
There once was a man with the last name Butts
He really must have been nuts
When a son he did sire
This name he did conspire
Seymore was the name a decisive cut
Not an original idea...
HE WEARS A COAT OF ASH
LIKE A SNAKE THROUGH THE GRASS
HE SLITHERS AND CRAWLS
HE SLITEHRS AND CRAWLS
BUROWS THROUGH THE WALLS
WHATS YOUR NAME
LETS PLAY A GAME
I’M INSIDE I’M INSIDE
TRY TO HIDE
I WILL SEEK
GO AND CRY
GO AND SHRIEK
TRY TO HIDE
NO SECRETS YOU CAN KEEP
WHERE DO I FIND THE ONE THAT SLEEPS
HE WANDERS THROUGH THE SHELL
TO FIND IT AND TAKE IT
TO SOME FAR OFF HELL
HIS TONGUE IS QUICK
HIS MIND FULL OF WIT
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN
AND HIS MIND IS KEEN
SEARCHING FOR WEAKNESS
SEARHING FOR SECRETS
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE
HOW MANY OF YOU COMPARE
WHATS YOUR NAME
IT’S A SHAME
IT’S A SHAME
I WILL BREAK YOU
I WILL TAKE YOU
OLD WOUNDS RAW
HE FINDS IT IN THE KEEP
HELLO LITTLE ONE
I HAVE NO NAME
I PLAY NO GAMES
ALL I HAVE ARE FANGS
AND YOU ARE HERE
TO HATCH DISPARE
I’V COME TO MAKE YOU DISAPEAR
SEE YOUR WALLS
SEE YOUR WALLS
THEY’RE CLOSING IN
THEY’RE CLOSING IN
WE WILL BE COMPRESSED
MERGING INTO ONE
LIKE ALL THE OTHERS
YOU ARE DONE
TO FIGHT THE DAWN
I VE COME TO MERGE WITH YOUR SOUL
YOU WILL BE
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME
ALL YOUR NEGATIVITY
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME
ALL YOU EGGS
KEEP ME FED
KEEP ME GROWING
BEFORE THEY’RE BRED
TO KEEP ME FED
A FORMLESS SOUL
MADE OF MESH
A FORMLESS SOUL
MADE OF UNBORN FLESH
WINING THE WAR
ONE EGG AT A TIME
ONE EGG AT A TIME
H e was always the saintly , quiet one
A and everyone knew his name .
P etula Francis Xaviar
P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
Y et , he always held his dignity
N o matter , who would provoke
E specially , his crazy sister
W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .
Y es , it was time for big decisions
E specially for twenty ten
A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..
Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .
Good old days,
Our ancestors finished wise,
Furnishing humor still to laugh at,
Small in number but beautiful and humble,
In small,small communities like birds,
Every person had a name since birth,
But all similar,difficult to come familiar,
Confused in the usage of names,
They picked some nicknames like icing over cake,
To ease the identity signatures in case,
The nicknames kicked fading his name,
It carried reasons fit to all seasons,
Goat,one engaged in gossips,
Fox,one very canny,
Snake,who is always in anger,
Chicken,one who sells chicks,
Bear,who is in dark complexion,
The village today like a zoo!
Name men's but nicknames animals bear,
The ancestors fallen and turned into dust today,
Their master minds stand tall and still intact!
change my name
fairly often, I suppose
change my clothes
and Imma' damn gypsy, ya' see
keep it fresh ta' death
speck of blood
ketchup on my attire
got more rhymes
than I got grey hairs
that's an effing lot
because i got my share
hot-fire piece of passionate verse
rare to find
if only poets would
unleash the fury
on their mind...
I must say...
the etc. etc...
would be a less stinky place...
I'd keep my name, and sever ties with
and just go
Her name is Seren
Yes the proud welsh girl, not foe, hopefully a fren
The number of contest she entered, maybe a million
On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give her a billion
She has passionately stated her favorite color is green
She talked about more shades than I think I’ve seen
My vision isn’t great, but good thing I’m not color blind too
Then I’d be like those Greeks, with one word for green and blue
She also has a pooch named Tilly
If that’s a variation of Teal then she’s green silly
Maybe instead of silly I better choose a synonym
Lest emerald becomes jade and I sing a new hymn
Yes of PD, I could write clerihews day and night
However, whatever I may or might write, it’s never in spite
She loves alliteration, writing recklessly reaping rich reward
Of ailing alliteration, I’m alienated, not even a steady steward
I think my friend PD thinks I’m the meanie
With my clerihew about seeds, I think she dubbed me weenie
I am sorry Linda, I was going to remove it from the site
But too many others found some delight
Last but not least ThePhilosopher, yeah that’s me
The one that always seems to be lost at sea
You would think either past or present I was a sailor
However on life’s quest I’ve been quite the delayer
My name is Wayland, no not the first nor the third
I am the second and sometimes I mention a bird
Speaking of the bird, I look at the top 100 poems list
And obviously there is something that I missed
When I speak of the top 100’s list, I mean for two weeks
Some post almost two hundred, yes 200, they aren’t meek
I wonder how it’s possible and then I read their verse
Many times I’m often left to curse
But since when did ThePhilosopher, become the judger of prose
His clerihews always talking about these, thou, and those
I should change my name to King James
But my buddy is already King of the Quatrains
Oh yes My buddy Jack will be the last
The subjects he writes about are vast
Too many to remember with all his pretty words
When I think of his poems I don’t think of birds
I recently read his poem titled bums unite
He said he gave them money at times, it probably felt right
He said someday they may even get a ten spot
If someone gives me a ten spot, then I’m yelling JACKPOT!
*these are always done if fun, hahaha another random rhyme
THIS IS HOW LIFE FEELS WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE
I have a general philosophical precept
Life is in general a bowl of cherries except
When someone stabs me in the back who didn’t oughta
From a completely unexpected quarter
I mean it’s ok if some dude whom I don’t like or trust
Has a go at me and feels he must
But if my wife tells me I continually bug her with my fidgets
And then she runs off with a team of one-legged circus midgets
Or my kids sell their hand-bound volumes of my poems
To buy a ton of horse manure to mix with the garden loams
And even the cat turns down my offer of warm milk
To go next door and sleep on sheets of silk
Or if a poetry contest excludes me simply because my name
Is unacceptable, maybe because I am black, or lacking in fame,
Or because I’m Methodist, and gay, and Republican, and from East Lansing,
Then I say to myself, well here’s the thing:
If, along with my poem entry, I’ve slipped in fifty bucks,
Well then how can I be excluded? I mean shucks -
Rules is rules but when I’ve already paid to be in the winners’ list
I feel I have the right, and I just gotta insist,
Cos midgets and fidgets don’t amount to squat
And sheets of silk or loads of horse manure is a lot
But my name’s my pride and joy and I am proud to add it
(But I fear to do it again in this contest or I’ve had it),
So in this contest I will remain anonymous
Though I guess the details writ here are just about synonymous
With a name I do not dare speak - at risk of exclusion
But I’m pretty sure this extra fifty bucks will lessen the confusion.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Written - with great affection - for
Nancy Jones's Contest "This is how life feels when you get to be my age..."
Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?
Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”
I met a writer named, Richard Lime
Who wrote poems with only five lines
By swapping his name
He realized his fame
Thus inventing the Limerick rhyme
Vanity…Thy Name Is Woman!
My house is on fire
What shall I do
I’ve seconds to decide
My choices are few
Shall I grab my money
My precious jewels
Or my brand new furry
This smoke is deadly
I can hardly breathe
I make a mental list
Of what to bequeath
But live or die
I’ll wear my designer dress
I’ve got to look great
For all the press!
Copyright2012 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)
For Kristen Bruni's Last Chance Poetry Contest
You messed around
and married a real
"pain-in-the butt" man
known throughout the land
his only claim to fame
is over reacting
and lacking class
a self-proclaimed pain in the ass
a crook with line
and hook to cast
things will never be the same
trade away your maiden name
to Mrs. Hemorrhoid
and wear his name with class.
Help me outta this!
Tell me how to
write and please you?
P.D. has ordered
'Write on Phyllis,
you must oblige
or will perish!':)
So I googled your name 'Phyllis',
you from Canada,your name from Greece.
I know you are kind and tender,
all these made your pen much sweeter.
Oh,yes!Tell me how is Aaron,
your bundle of joy,little grandson!
For him all my blessings and love,
cell phone ringing,my time is up.
Tell me one thing just secretly,
has P.D.ordered you too,like me?
:)Obviously PD didn't order me:)))
Placement:1st ;(January 2012)
Their once lived a bunny in the land of Ozark.
He was clever, cool, and funny. Could even hunt in the dark.
One night while hunting small game, he found a ring made of gold.
The ring made him sing and feel incredibly bold.
His voice got so loud he awoke all of the town.
Naked, the bunny panicked and threw on his mom's gown.
People came from all over just to hear his sweet voice.
Then came a dog named Rover, who had a difference of choice!!
Rover threw a sharp stick into the leg of the rabbit.
The ring fell out his pocket and Rover just had to have it!
He knew the ring is why people liked the Bunny's new sound.
But since it was night the ring couldn't be found.
The people dragged off the bunny and helped his leg heel.
Others surrounded poor Rover, chanting loudly out, "KILL!"
"That's one terrific Rabbit!" Stated the king who was short.
So, the bunny was named "T Rabbit!" In their small Ozark court.
Pickles dressed up in black eight inch heels
Tickles snuggled in flannel gown with toy eel
Pickles danced all night
To waning moonlight
Pickles home late tripped over eel took spill
It is five minutes to two
I don’t know what to do
It looks like I'm the last person this evening before you close
But can I have another, and possibly a minute to expose
You must get this often you’re really sweet
Cute as a button, to bad I don’t cheat
You see I am procrastinating to get back to my house
I live with a man; no he is not my spouse
Five long years, do you care that I share
Oh hun, watch out a flies in your hair
But seriously, it’s bad; we fight all the time
I haven’t the courage to tell him I am sick of his kind
Do you have a woman? oh you must you’re so cute
So what do you think should I give him the boot?
Oh and work is getting to me, my boss in always on my case
Sir what’s your name again? you have a mighty fine face
Can I get one more? that will be all
Good thing I live down the block in case I trip and fall
Can I give you some advice; you should finish your degree
You don’t belong here at this hour serving me
Last year I went away, when I got back I caught him cheating
I gave this guy one serious beating
Oh look it is raining
Am I complaining?
I know it’s time to move on
But it’s hard when someone is finally gone
Do you work every night?
Could you lower the lights?
I am getting a headache
Last night I went to a wake
It was my Coworkers sons, girlfriends, Aunt,
I am sorry did I just go on a rant?
What are you doing after work?
You must think I am a jerk
OH NO here come the tears!!!
Sir, it’s been so many painful years,
Why can’t I just leave him?
What is wrong with me?
can I get just one more, my glass is empty,
Wait, what are you doing?
Is that coffee I smell brewing?
Are you shutting the bar down?
I see no one is around in this town,
OH no I just dropped the glass on the ground
Boy!!! that made a really loud sound
Let me pick that up
I’ll buy you a new cup
That’s all I seem to do, clean and cook,
I deserve better right? I read it in Dr.Phil's new book,
Sir, where are you going?
Did you tell me your name?
OH I don’t feel well, can I puke in your drain?
Much better, oops sorry, I made a mess
This was a new dress,
Thanks for listening,
Did I tell you you’re cute?
I bet you make a tone of loot
My man has no job
and he wonders why I'm a bitter snob
Ok Im leaving, its late my new friend,
what did you say your name was again?
I want your number, Let me get a pen
Oh no my purse fell all over the floor
Sir Sir, did you just slam the door?
“I am not a sir, I am a Woman, and you need to Go the hell Home!!! ”
The house name is Hello Kitty
Bet you think thats very witty
But to live with all of this is not witty
If I was rude I would say its shytee
Let's start at the top of this fine house
Its covered with Hello Kitty right down to the mouse.
It has curtains and bed covers cushions and sheets
Then the dressing gown and p.j. make it complete
The towels, all bathroom items all have this print
Even the soap didn't escape this restraint
We sit on Hello Kitty chairs and eat off the plates
that has the face, of this darned cat, no escape
Wears tee shirts and jeans, bearing this theme
Even the trainers are groaning under this scheme
The car is pink, smellies are guess what
Kitty seat covers are covering every spot
It all looks O.T.T. a little looks great
But when your name is Boxer funny it aint
Hi, my name is Precious,
And most folk do agree,
That my name is a perfect fit,
For little 'ol sweetheart me.
I'm a toy Pomeranian,
And I was bred to lie on laps,
Which happens to be the very place,
I love to take my naps.
I must confess, I am a beauty,
With my fluffy, golden hair.
My liquid chocolate eyes are bright,
With the intelligence I bear.
I am fed the most delicious treats,
I'm pampered and adored.
Some folk think that I'm too spoiled,
But their opinions I ignore.
My purpose in life is two-fold:
To look adorable and be a friend.
It's my joy and delight to fulfill each one,
And I'll do so 'til the end.
I want to thank my mistress,
For making me the dog I am today:
A beautiful, adored little darling,
I'm Precious! What more can I say?
6/28/12 For Tanya Harrington's "Dog Gone Tales" contest
as a kid i dreamed of being a hero ,wait! dont laudh please
not a policeman or fireman ,i wanted to join the justice league
to hang out with the green lantern to fly with superman
to be friends with the wonder twins or just swim with aquaman
what about wonder woman in her invisible plane that's th plan
or to chase down the joker with the dark knght- batman
what will they call me, what will be my name ,that i do not know
cause it kinda hard to find a name for the first black superhero
what about those tights i dont know i'll find something else to wear
then my next problem would have to be what to do with my hair
then i'd think of my body size and how i'd like to be cut
what could i say if i had it my way i'd be builted like the hulk
and what would be my powers since i would'nt really be human
i would have to have powers like the Xmen you know be somekind of mutant
to grow up with the superfriends fighting the legion of doom
those are the dreams i use to have as a kid alone in my room
Kukla, Fran and Ollie,
decided to take a trolley,
to visit their sister Molly
and her little girl named Holly
But while they were on the trolley,
a parrot whose name was Polly,
bit the nose of Ollie,
who ran around the trolley,
screaming... by gosh, by gum, by golly,
I'll kill that crazy Polly.
When an officer whose name was Jolly,
observed the screaming Ollie,
he threw them off the trolley.
So they decided to visit Wally
a man who owned a Collie.
Now, if you think this poem is folly,
perhaps you should take the trolley,
to come with me, I insist.
To visit my psychiatrist.
He'll charge you a very high rate.
To tell you this poem is great!
The problem you see, I fear,
is you'd love to get out of here.
For you simply can't stand to be,
round a poet as good as me!
Richard Pickett's the name
and writings the game,
all my friends I sure love to raz,
But here on the soup, I'll give you the scoop,
I'm the guy, with the nickname , The Taz......
I once used to be ‘hot’ for old What’s-Her-Name,
That girl that set my first fire aflame.
Just being near her would make my blood sizzle,
Then suddenly she was gone without even a fizzle.
I sadly regretted that old What’s-Her-Name,
And wondered what went wrong, who was to blame?
I got over her, then another, and another,
Then I found the one that I chose out from all others
I sometimes still think about old What’s-Her-Name—
Just passing thoughts without regrets or shame.
But if I dwelled on her, I would be most ungrateful
For the one that I love who’s always been faithful.
I found online my old What’s-Her-Name,
Though she was listed by his other name.
Maybe someday I’ll just send her an email,
To say I’m happy for her and to wish her well.
(Chorus) We meet new people and change as we grow.
She whom I love now, back then I didn’t know.
Like waves crashing on a weathered seashore,
That which once was is now never more.
There once was a man who had found true love yet squandered it away,
And for this one transgression is tormented to this day.
He found the girl to call his own and bade her to be his wife,
But to the chapel he came too late and the poor girl had taken her life.
The day that they were pledged to marry he’d started for the church,
But highway men had stalled his progress thus leaving her in the lurch.
And with her dying breath she uttered the words to a horrible curse,
Now wandering has become his penance with no way ever to reverse.
The only name by which he’s called brings laughter from the cruel,
For he is the one who is known to all by name of the wandering fool.