Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership

Mom Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Mom

These Mom Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Mom. These are the best examples of Mom Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Rhyme | |

THE TARANTULA BUILT A WEB

The tarantula built  
a web in the upper-left corner of my patio;
she weaved it perfectly as Antonio
rose on his wobbling feet to reach it.


That boy didn't know that 
spiders get vicious and suddenly bite 
when someone tries to grab them for spite,
and Antonio tried to pull it down with a tiny twig...
no, it didn't work, so he tried again with a long stick;
oh, once a garden spider got stuck into his mom's wig! 


" Antonio, put it down,
before it crawls onto your skin! "
The spider will bite you on the cheek
and you'll be doing the Tarantula Dance! "
I yelled by taking the stick away from him with extreme force.
" No, I like that spider...that's the one I want to keep! "
He rebelled with a grin, transforming himself into a beast.
" OK, you can keep it, but remember spiders creep! "
I warned him and told him to wear a mask and just peak.  


The tarantula built a web where rain or storms
never soaked it, and scorching sun rays
never melted it...how laborious she was in summer's long days!
We watched it going to and fro searching for food for her little one
as we took daily videos and had fun watching them!
After all, I realized that a spider is not dangerous...if left alone;
and Antonio kept his distance by warning other boys
that trying to catch a tarantula is a very dangerous game!


Details | Sonnet | |

Happy Birthday Jenny (Kyrielle Sonnet)

Happy birthday to you Jenny
Hope your big day brings you plenty
Keep a bright smile all the way
Your mom sings your praises today

Soon you will be driving to school
Don’t forget to follow the rules
Enjoy your day with a buffet
Your mom sings your praises today

Happy birthday to you Jenny
Don’t forget to save your pennies
Wish on a star on your great day
Your mom sings your praises today

Happy birthday to you Jenny
Your mom sings your praises today

© Joseph, 8/20/2007
© All Rights Reserved

This is for the the daughter of our own poetess, Kathy.

The Kyrielle Sonnet is a French form from the Middle Ages. It has 14 lines (three 
rhyming quatrains and a non-rhyming couplet). It has a repeating line or phrase 
as a refrain in the last line of each stanza.  Each line within the Kyrielle Sonnet 
has eight syllables.  There are times when a French poem links back to the 
poem’s beginning; therefore, a common practice is to combine the first line of 
the first quatrain and the refrain in each quatrain as the ending couplet for the 
poem.


Details | Italian Sonnet | |

Sisterly Examples

When I was young, I had a great disdain
for Campell's nasty soup named Alphabet.
One Saturday it was our mother's threat
we had to eat it up or home remain
and miss the matinee. How inhumane!
Mom left the room; I never will forget
the thing which I'd repeat without regret -
I took that slop and tossed it down the drain!

When Mom returned, I'd "downed" all of my soup.
Again she left; Mel went to dump HER meal
and at the sink got caught. Poor nincompoop!
She missed "Red Riding Hood" while I, the heel,
went out. Our mom was left "out of the loop."
My little sister did not even squeal!

(Some slang words here for my non-native friends:
a "nincompoop" is a foolish person,
"out of the loop" means to never be aware of something
and the last verb "squeal" means to "tell on someone"
I always tried to get away with murder when I was young
and I can't believe my sister missed the movie by not telling
on me! On the other hand, I really enjoyed "Red Riding Hood" heehee)

For Frank H's 
A Childhood MEMORY Poetry Contest


Details | Rhyme | |

The Happy Dress

It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative 
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.

So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened.  “Ta Da!  Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked?  Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.

You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.

It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”

“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.

So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.

She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open.  “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”

ALTERNATE LAST VERSE

“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Mom's Purse

When you’re the mom you carry the purse,
That’s the natural rule of the universe.

To a mom a purse is more than a bag,
It’s a safety net when the world starts to sag.

The pockets hold things that her family might need,
Like a granola bar with sunflower seed.

There’s a half eaten cookie and a clean pair of socks,
And a tool her grandfather gave her to set cuckoo clocks.

There’s a broken dolly in need of repair,
And a bright orange scrunchie to pull back her hair.

There are aspirins and band-aids and a coupon book,
Redeemable for vacations that never got took.

And way at the bottom is a memory of a girl,
Who would dress so young and gaily twirl.

In those days she carried a purse so small,
A dainty little bag hardly anything at all.

As she takes out the memory and starts to go through it,
She breaks out in a grin because there’s a sucker stuck to it.

She remembers what that girl wanted most for her life,
Was to one day be a mom and a good man’s wife.

Each memory she touches she remembers with pleasure,
And each item she carries becomes a small treasure.

That’s why when you’re the mom you carry the purse,
It’s the natural rule of the universe.


Details | Verse | |

Family Dinner

Everyone is dressed just right,

with our smiles slapped on tight,

we are having a family dinner.

The mood is tense,

yet we have to make sense,

and we can always talk about the weather.

 

We blow kisses and show our love,

everything is just right.

We shower praises over each other,

and pray that the night is over without a flight.

 

Ignore the bitter-in-law,

she needs some sugar.

She vowed to deny herself happiness,

since she lost her lover.

 

Pay attention to the chatty uncle.

He claims to be rich although he eats like a savage.

just nod your head and seem interested,

and hope the topic does not turn to marriage.

 

Sit away from the young brother,

once an answer to his question, he is on to another.

To the old man he asks,"So what do you do?"

and to the orphan child,"Where is your mother?"

 

The room is beautiful, the food is delicious,

a night with our near and dear.

This could well be the perfect family dinner,

but only the flowers in the room seem real.


Details | Free verse | |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
leather-shoes...
(ya hoo)


Details | Rhyme | |

Mom's Old Iron Skillet

The skillet hung near the old wood-burning kitchen stove.
Aside from her family, Mom considered it a special trove.
With that blackened old pan she prepared delicious repasts,
That in my judicious opinion will ne'er be surpassed!

Ah, just to recall the tasty grub stewed up in that old skillet!
How it tingled my taste buds just sliding down my gullet!
The chicken, steaks and chops in that old pan she did fry,
Evoked oohs and aahs and many a contented sigh!

She liberally dolloped lard in the pan 'til she had it just right,
Then concocted stews, soups and fried taters for our delight!
Mom was never concerned about such things as saturated fat,
Or life-threatening cholesterol and such things as that!

I suppose medicos today would have a conniption fit,
If they knew of the dietary sins my Mom did commit.
She must've done something right - her spouse lived past ninety-four.
Her kids outlived the odds, each reaching four score years or more!

Self-anointed wizards deem cast iron skillets detrimental to our health,
But I think they're just peddling new fads to add to their wealth!
My dear spouse uses her old iron skillet most every day.
I feel fit as a banjo regardless of what so-called experts may say!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Narrative | |

Granny And Your last glass of water

He starts singing songs of Ireland and we are home in a jiffy
"What's a jiffy," my mother wonders
"Guess  where we went Granny?"
"I don't know but I have a feeling you are gonna tell me," answers my grandmother
"And Don't call me Granny!"
"We went to church so Poppy could ask secret questions."
"The priest gave Poppy a shot and a beer and Poppy sent me next store and he gave me money for  taffy."
"He told me not to tell anyone especially you about the priest cause it's only for the priests ears."
"He said God would take away taffy and I'd never get another goodie and God would strike me dead if I told."
"So I can't tell anyone."
"He did," and she starts yelling and grabs a weapon,"what kind of idiot would be scaring a little child?"
Granny is standing on  Poppy's toes and and asking him questions of where he'd been and getting a sniff of his breath
"So what did you tell  the priest and him giving you consolation and a shot and beer."
"That little rat ," and thinks about the money for candy
Later, Granny is chasing Poppy with that big iron frying pan and poppy running and singing
"In Heaven they have no beer, that's why we drink it here."
"You damn fool I'm gonna bust you in the head, "and throws the pan at his head
And later
Cousin Francis has bill collectors come to the house looking for him
Granny was four foot seven  inches and she starts kicking him in the shin
My Mother grabs his Dick Tracy hat and she jumps on it and flattens it
I ask my mom where I was when this happened and she pauses
" You were in Heaven Patrick waiting with your brother!"
The truancy officers bang on the door and want to know where Uncle Charles is
Granny shrugs and says, "He is upstairs and the sound of the window going up sounds
They all run upstairs and see Uncle sliding down the tree and running as fast as his
seven year legs can move
He comes home later that evening holding a goose under his arm
And Poppy has a soft-boiled goose egg for breakfast every morning
I ask Uncle what happened to that goose and He said,"one day he came home  and
they had chicken for dinner."
And Poppy was gone to heaven to get me and my brother ready Mom says
And Granny sits my brother and me on her lap and says,"you two knuckleheads listen up."
"This is very important so don't forget it."
"Treat people the way you want to be treated, because you never know who is going to hand you your last glass of water"


Details | Light Poetry | |

My Lay Away Plan

I’d save up all of my extra pennies in a shoebox beneath my bed, And each night before I went to sleep I’d spend them in my head. Sometimes I’d spend the whole darned stash on something just for me, But sometimes I’d imagine myself on a less selfish shopping spree. When Christmas came I’d take out the box and count whatever I had, And try to decide how much I could spend on my brothers, mom and dad. Way back then you’d be surprised what you could get for just a buck, Coloring books, marbles and puzzles or maybe a toy pick up truck. My dad would get a tie that could brighten up any room, And for mom there was always a bottle of Walgreen’s best perfume. I could buy a gift for each member of my family for just five ninety-eight, And have enough left over for a Payday bar and go home feeling great. Then I’d wrap the gifts and label them and put them beneath the tree, I’d set them all towards the front so they’d see they came from me. And after they’d opened their gifts and Christmas wishes had all been said, I’d go upstairs and drop a couple of pennies into the shoebox beneath my bed.


Details | Rhyme | |

Mum's Christmas Dinner

She stays awake for hours, cutting Xs in the sprouts,
Then peels all the tatties, a ton or thereabouts,
Slicing and dicing parsnips is next up in the plan,
Chops up carrots and a swede, and put them in a pan,
Mixes up her sage and onion and stuffs it in the bird,
Along with some pork sausage meat that’s been pre-prepared,
She takes apart the oven, to fit the turkey in,
Hangs it up with bits of string, there’s no room in the tin,
Wraps sausages in bacon, in case they catch a chill,
But makes sure they‘re all cooked thoroughly, so the family won’t get ill,
Cooks the bird for hours, while the table’s being laid,
With all the finest crockery (and some of lower grade),
Makes space around the table, brings in extra chairs,
Adorns the place with candles and other Christmas wares,
Lays out a Christmas cracker in everybody’s place,
Complete with rather tacky joke, no doubt of a straight face,
And brings out all the condiments, the pickles and the sauce,
The salt and pepper, the mustard and radish known as “horse”,
Next she makes the starter, the simplest course by far,
A cocktail made up of prawns and a sauce out of a jar.
The family then all piles in, and argues over seats,
The children are already full of chocolates and treats,
Grandmother is mumbling, “Kids should be seen not heard”,
Meanwhile back in the kitchen Mum’s wrestling with the bird,
She tries to carve up slices, but ends up with turkey chunks,
While Dad and Gramps have become a pair of Christmas drunks,
They start an argument about which wine goes with the meat,
And restless children run around, not staying in their seat,
Mother tries to keep her calm and bravely soldiers on,
But the roasties are all blackened and the sprouts are over done,
Mum enters the dining room looking very puffed,
She throws the turkey down and shouts ,“There you go! Get stuffed!”


18th November 2012


Details | Narrative | |

Momma's Fancy Laced Boots

    Momma went trappin' till noon,
fer Ring Neck Ducks ~ en gone fishin',
        also trappin’ fat coon…
so she was a dragin' er ole’ berlap
full - of game, as well, 'like money in…
'er til' ~ by thee light, of ay full moon...

     Seven siblings doin' chores causin'...
       Momma needed money so soon,
    Grandpa en a Pop'a were a knockin'
   down all those logs - for Coors, quickly

    Momma chasin' chickens, while rescelin'...
in there pen, en a sloppin' with all them hogs,
why she was buzy a slippin' en a slidein'...
into a sink hole, an a trippin' over pa’ pa's logs,
frogs were a jumpin', an a hopin'
   right through her hands...

    While Grandpa was a brewin',
good ale, a good tale fer Kentucky mash...
fer what she longed fer sure,
Momma ney're could save 'er cent of cash,
ner're enough mash-ale fer er dough, unerring
though ~ down to her country-store...

  She went one misty ~ foggy mornin'...
into one of her swamp boats, all traps
all bottle ale, so Momma went a paddlin'...
           certain, per'aps
fer her new pair, so needin’ of them
   ere fancy laced ~ Combat Boots

   “Now remember to call your Mom too”


Details | Narrative | |

Great Grandma Kicked some Butt

When my mother was at the age of thirteen,
A dirty old man asked her to come clean,
He invited her over so she could make a few bucks
When she arrived he was in a black tucks
He was the neighbor across the street,
His wife was at work and he viewed my mom as weak
This man locked the door when my mother arrived,
Went to go kiss her, to feed his sick drive,
My mom ran out the back door and went across the street,
Little did this man know he was in for a “delightful treat!”
My great grandma lived six towns away
My mother called her in a state of panic and disarray
A forty minute drive, granny made it in fifteen
Granny drove her old ford like a race car machine
When she arrived, she kicked that man’s door down
She did not care if anyone was around
That man jumped up by that loud sound
She hit him so hard he fell right on the ground
She slapped him around with her left shoe
Cursed him out in Italian, while threatening him too
Later that night my mother’s dad came home
He is a little man with a loud groan
He heard the story and went across the way
Took his shot gun and made this man pay
Told him if he ever touched his daughter again,
He would shoot off his little “private friend,”
He made this man cry in his own living room,
But I promise you this man never again tried to consume,
Every little girl on that street,
He knew not to look at or he would get severally beat,
My family has many stories of my Great Granny saving the day,
Never mess with an Italians family, they handle things in their own special way.

By:Sabina Nicole
Contest:
Written:9/29/11






      Every family has stories that get past down from one generation to the next. I was blessed to have had my mother’s grandparents until about 6 years ago. They did not speak any English and my great granny was a crazy awesome woman. She grew up on a farm in Italy and had to do a lot on her own. She raised all the children and grandchildren but was old school about a lot of stuff.  I remember my great grandparents fighting with each other even in the nursing home. They were married for 58 years; they shared a room in the nursing home that had two separate beds. My great grandma use to hit my great grandpa with her cane from across the bedroom. It was funny to watch.  They may have fought but they loved each other so much, my great grandma died 6 years ago and less than a year later my great grandpa died too. Now they are in heaven together, I don’t think there’s fighting in heaven, God don't allow that;)


Details | Light Poetry | |

Lilly's Teddy Bear Picnic

Lilly wanted a teddy bear, so her Mom FunkunDilly gave her one.
Lilly kept telling me how she loved it, and was having so much fun.
Though strangely, she was keeping it, at Grandpa Troll’s bridge.
I couldn’t seem to, understand this at all, not even a small smidge.

She didn’t bring it home at night; she didn’t even drag it around.
She only visited it under the bridge, when Grandpa Troll was around.
Finally I ask her why she didn’t bring it home, to tuck it in at night.
She said it was a fragile thing, that couldn’t leave it mama’s sight.

This itself, should have told me it was better, to leave well enough alone.
But I was not the brightest thing, to reason out, what was being done.
So I invited Lilly, and her teddy bear, and all the Trolls, to come on a picnic lunch.
FunkunDilly ask for honey, lots of sushi, cookies, and baby bottles by the bunch.

Grandpa Troll laughed and said he’d come along, to see how this was done.
Sure enough the teddy bear was there… and his mama had ALSO come along.
Gurgling noises came from my mouth, and my hands had a life of their own.
It wasn’t long before I found myself on the ground, as I fainted with a groan.

When I awoke Mama bear was saying  ‘how high strung these human creatures are!’
She won’t hurt my little one? Is she crazy, do you think? OH, is that a chocolate bar?
I tried to regain my composure… as I passed the honey to put on the chocolate bar…
So yes, we had a teddy bear picnic as Lilly’s Teddy and his mom became the stars.

We all discussed the weather, daytime soaps, and how honey works with crumbs, 
Plus how to stop, our precious little ones, from constantly sucking on their thumbs.
Grandpa Troll was laughing about Lilly’s Teddy Bear Picnics for years to come. 
And he thought I had handled it very well… even though at first I had succumbed.

In the end, leave it to a Baby Troll... to have a real Teddy Bear to love and hold...


Details | Couplet | |

Look Mom No Hands Couplet Challenge

<                                           I really hate to do laundry
                                             Why can't it be hands free ?


Details | Free verse | |

My Heritage

My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds.  Let's start on 
My Dad's side of the family.

My Dad's mom is Irish and English.

My Dad's dad is Irish and German.

My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.

My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.

So in other words,
I'm a mutt!  or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"


Details | Light Poetry | |

Fluffer-nutters

When I was a child 
I loved marshmallows
so soft, so gooey and yummy
Oh I'd beam out of doors
when the birch stick bore
charred marshmallow goop
for my tummy!

When I was a child
I would go hog wild 
for peanut butter and fluff
all that white marshmallow
in which I'd wallow
my mouth all covered
in sticky stuff!

My Mom often spread
the white Fluff on bread
with peanut butter galore
And we'd bypass the meat
for this sticky treat
and scream for her to
buy much, much, more!

But you see Mom knew
that good food it's true
can make children strong unlike 
those sweet Fluffer-Nutters
so we had to contend
with the meat in the end
if we wanted that treat 
from our Mother!











Details | Acrostic | |

The Birds And The Bees

They both dreaded that day,
Having to 
Explain to their only child about the

Birds and the bees
In stepped mom with the flowers
Ready to explain all about pollen and fertilization 
Dad looked bewildered, rubbing the side of his head
Stating, “Did I forget your birthday”? While eyeing the flowers

Anxiously he said, 
"No! Don’t tell me your are pregnant again, I 
Doubt I can go 

Through this again,"
Having to sit there and 
Entertain herself the daughter decided to ease their pain… 

Both looked traumatized when she 
Eventually said, “I know all about being in love, all about sex, it’s part of our curriculum
Even the difference in male and female anatomy gets explained”
So mom if you are pregnant, I can tell the baby all about the birds and the bees one day!!"


Contest: The Birds and the Bees
Placed: 8th


Details | Free verse | |

Aberrant Waffle

In a moment my Mom just came
She said when we welcomed by the death
Maybe the soul would be shifted to other planet
Possibly moon is the waiting room

She said people could float in the outer space
Similar thing that spirits do
Maybe we granted a pair of wings
When we flee to the planet unseen

I said
Maybe other world just like Bermuda
When we blink, abandon the world
We just begin in other swirl

Possibly Mars would be an option

Digress thoughts but colored my day
Silly talked but tickled my brain
She inspires the time of spare 
Dearest Mom I thanked you for share



     ***************************************************************
                                                     Honorable Mention
              Any poem not posted for a contest in the last 3 months under 20 lines
                                             Contest Judged:  11/12/2012 
                                          Sponsored by: Black Eyed Susan
     ***************************************************************


Details | Light Poetry | |

I AM THE GENERATION GAP

I often think okay I am not that old. I am a pretty cool grandma.. I grew up where mom was the lover, protector and most of all the boss.. I never would have thought to slam a door in my mothers face.. She  would have broken it down and beat me with door frame that fell off…but that was way way back when.. You know the time where no one had a cell phone and didn’t care.. No one had computer at home …we did have a typewriter but I am the only one that used it.. We had a small record player and I had vinyl records ..oh how I could rock with Elvis, now I don’t understand the names of groups let alone what they are saying … probably better off not knowing.  We wore jeans back then but they were not the staple in our closets, now the are a must have for $100.00 wow I could have bought a whole fall wardrobe for that and a coat..
Food has changed the rule at our house was if Mom put it on the table we ate it or went hungry.. Now every one has to have a special meal.. and manners those are a thing of the pass, I rarely hear a teenager or anyone else say yes sir or no sir.. It is a thing of the past and people don’t speak like that anymore.. Stop talking now means ok lets see who can talk the loudest and longest.  My mom had a look that said you had better shut up right now or I am going to kill you.. She wouldn’t kill us but she sure would make us pay ..  We went to church on Sunday or Monday if mom said so..
I am sure my granddaddy often thought what is wrong with this generation they will never survive.. But the most of us have and now we think this of the next generations to come.. But I really realized how old I was today when my 16 year old grandson, walked on my new mopped kitchen floor and when I said the floor is wet.. He very calmly replied not to  bad.. Laughing as I finish this life has definitely changed.. but 50 years from now he will probably be thinking the same thing I am … where is this generation going to go?????????


Details | Narrative | |

When the dead start visiting

"Elvis came calling last night" I heard senile say
I stopped and did a double take wondering if I had heard right.
She smiled and said "He was with my mom in a pink cadillac"
I said, "But that can't be true! Elvis and your mom have been dead for years now!"
"I Know what I saw! It was Elvis; he even sang my favorite song for me!"

Not knowing what to say....I tried to change the subject
"The leaves are starting to turn and the yellows and reds are bright this year"
"Don't care about those leaves, they make such a mess in the yard!
Has Elvis ever been to your house?" said senile.
"Why no of course not....he died when I was just a little girl.
Did JFK come along for the ride also??"

Senile says, "No silly he has much  more important work in the white house!!"


Details | Grook | |

Who's In Charge

WHO'S IN CHARGE?


Backseat drama
has crossed the line
Do not cave!
You are THE mama!
They don't behave?
Just more whine
Just be resigned
to drive them home to bed/ pajamas!
Be inclined to have the wine
you crave!




For Suzette Crous Contest: Grooks For All Occasions   (annoying sounds)


Details | Haiku | |

My Mom Is One Tough Cookie

deep in the forest
collapsed limbs fungus rockbeds
natures own fury


Tribute To Nature
Even If She Is Mean LOL



Details | Limerick | |

"Rockin Ride"

I start my life out everyday ,Often in the same ol' way,
I eat , 
I smile, 
I bathe and crawl back n forth, Some days , I ride my rocking horse,
But nothing prepares for mt goal,
Oh my !! Do hurry I want to roll,
My wheels are the whitest , I have  seen,
My spokes are the shinest , Oh how they beam,
I do love summer time,,
My shocks are the raddest, They bounce and they bounce,
My ride is way to cool,
I can't wait till ,I get to school,
I have to check my get and go,
Sometimes, Mom is kinda slow,
I coo and I coddle so she gets some gas,
I really want to get there fast,
My diaper bag packed and ready to go ,
We are the hippest , I want to roll,
We stroll right by the other rides, Mine is the Coolest mom confides,
I bounce and I giggle all the way to play !
OH My , what a wonderful day,!


Details | Narrative | |

Memoirs Of A Barber-Stylist (Mature)

       Come in.  Have a seat.  Come listen to my story.  It's a bit upbeat.  I cut and styled 
hair for several years and some of the things that happened will make you laugh so hard, it'll 
bring you to tears.  Once there was a lady with very thick hair who wanted a razor cut to 
kinda thin it out.  The hair cut went well until just before I finished, then my razor slipped 
and I cut out a big amount of hair.  Of course I never told her you could see skin.  I finished 
the haircut and when it came time to show her the back of her hair in the mirror,  I angled it 
just enough to where she couldn't see the gap.  Oh well, in my chair that's the chance you 
took.  
       There was a man came in one day with a very nice mole on his neck.  I worked all 
around it and was very careful.  I was almost finished cleaning up his neck with the clippers 
and somehow the clipper slipped.  All I can say is no extra for surgery!
       A very young man who was the son of a man whom I went to church with came in one 
day.  He was one of God's special children and says things sometimes that just pop in his 
mind.  He talked about a lot of things while I cut his hair.  Then out of the blue he 
said, "P___y sure is good!"  If I'd had false teeth they would have flown across the room. It 
was such a shock!   But instead I tried to act natural because he was such a kid.  So I 
answered and said, "Yes, it sure is!" and kept cutting.  That was all he said and knowing him 
and his family, I doubt he really knew.
       A really frizzy haired young man came in one day and wanted a style.  My mom just 
happened to be there as my receptionist that day.  She kind of eyed him when he came in 
but didn't say anything.  I cut his hair and took pains and pulled out all the frizz and he did 
look rather nice.  When he went to pay mom looked at him and said, "You look like an 
entirely different person!"  And of course the situation at the time, I was trying to build a 
business and wanted to go through the floor.  
       Let me just tell you one more.  Some of you ladies may have been cruel and done this 
before.  And men if your barber is a lady you probably have too  If you place your hands 
and fingers on the end of the arm, in strategic places as the barber works there, you may 
get more than your money's worth!  LOL.  This has happened to me more than once. I could 
feel their fingers flipping to feel me.  And you know it's intentional because if you look in the 
mirror, they will look in your eyes!