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Marriage Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Marriage

These Marriage Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Marriage. These are the best examples of Marriage Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Clerihew |

Heaven

His lovely wife is named Heaven
She scolds him seventy times seven
Yet, Big Joe just never really cared
In Heaven he lives happily, hearing impaired!


Stacey Brown 2-6-14
Dr. Ram Mehta contest
Husbands are in heaven
whose wives scold not


Details | Footle |

INTERRUPTED



Raw moon Lips swoon Rooms locked Shirts dropped Flesh beams Love steams • • Kids cry Hots...bye! ~ Make Me Laugh Contest For Heather Ober 3 July 2013


Details | Limerick |

I'm The Best

My wife always says I’m the best
A feeling which brought me much zest
One night wild thoughts flew
In search of a clue
I wondered just who were the rest


Details | Limerick |

How to give a guy a premarital suitability exam

Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze


Details | Free verse |

For God's Sake Man I'm a Doctor

My one attempt at marriage
Was like a union between McCoy and Kahn
Both a wee-bit dramatic
Like living a full fledge grand opera

(McCoy)
"My God man, we're living a circus
And you have jumped off the deep end
What you're proposing is lunacy
I'm a doctor, not a barbarian!"

(Kahn)
"Have you heard the Klingon expression
Revenge is a dish best served cold?
If you want to make this marriage work
Then damn you!!!!  Do as you're told!!!!"

(McCoy and Kahn)
"For God's sake listen to yourself
What you're saying is just plain crazy"
"From hell's hot I stab at thee......
For hate's sake, I spit my last breath..........at thee.........."


[no, the marriage didn't work out, haha.  And last night I ran into my
ex-wife.  She had the gall to speak to me.  So I just wrote this with
genuine laughter in my heart.]


Details | Limerick |

The reluctant companion

The wife plans a spree to buy all
With husband on board at the mall
But as this takes place
He just looks for a space
To sit on a bench in the hall


Details | Rhyme |

Her Sense of Humor

A slight hint of consternation was in her voice,
“Why did you tell those people I’m deaf and dumb?”
“I never said you were deaf, my Dear.”
She laughed, but I kinda felt like a bum.

Hell.  It was just a joke.

One evening, she asked, “Will you love me if I get chubby?”
I responded, “Of course I still love you.
It would take much more than pounds and cellulite
To make me fall out of love…it’s true.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

“Would you remarry if I die before you?” she asked.
I said, “No…probably not…I’ve been spoiled by you.”
“But you’ve been a great husband. I think you should.”
“Whatever happens, happens is the best I can do.”

“If you remarried, would you play golf with your new wife?
And would you let her use my clubs?” she demanded.  
I calmly smiled and said, “Your clubs are safe.
You see, my Dear…she’s left handed.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

Then, she whined and whined about her butt.
I responded, “Want to knock some inches off that ass?
It may sound strange, but I heard it works….
Rinse all your panties in Slim Fast.”

Hell. It was just a joke.


The next day, I readied for work, took ‘undies’ from my drawer.
They were engulfed in a fog of white, why I didn’t know.
So, I asked, “Honey! Why did you put talcum powder on my shorts?”
She slyly smiled, “That’s not talcum powder.  That’s Miracle Gro.”

Hell.  It was just a joke....I guess.

So, what is my wife’s most endearing feature?
Her sense of humor.... there’s no doubt.
Always a smile where angst or anger might have been,
A smile I never want to be without.



Details | Sonnet |

USA Marriage Justice Today

Oh, my sweet girl, come and shack up, with me.
We shall live on welfare and space out to see.
How many food stamp cards, we can arrange,
We shall visit for meds and beg for change.
Upon the riverbanks, we shall catch a cold.
Then we shall collect our oxy-cotton gold.
I shall gather clothes from good wills chest.
You prepare to go visit relatives in the west.
My sweet girl I shall give you no gold.
However, get you, giving us babies to hold.
A bed of daisies, I shall have waiting for you.
For freshening up our pet hound, old blue.
Our cousin Joe has a house that is so big.
We shall move in, us all, even with our pig.


Details | Free verse |

If Jane Were a Feminist

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahhhhhh!!!!

What's with that yelling already?

Me Tarzan, Me Man, Me Make Noise

I can see that.  Inside voice, please.
You'll wake up Cheetah and you know
How grumpy he gets if his nap is interrupted

Me Tarzan

Enough, I know already
Me hungry, Jane make lunch

Now wait a minute Jungle Boy, I'm tired
Of waiting on you hand and foot
Make your own lunch

Woman take care of Man, Woman listen to Man, Law of Jungle

Says who?

AHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAH!!

That doesn't impress me, loin cloth breath!

Jane talk funny since trip to Ameeereeka

Listen here tree vine jockey, I learned a lot in New Joysee
Women have rights, they used to burn their bras

What is bras, me no understand

Didn't think so.  Either you treat me with respect or I'm out of here!

Where Jane go?

Maybe back to New Joysee

Tarzan listen Jane
Jane teach Tarzan respect

Now you're talking
First lesson, what's for lunch?


Details | Free verse |

The saga of the dusty road

The Saga of dusty roads of Utah 
(To the memory of Don W. Esplin, father of Kathryn Esplin-Oleski)
= =
There he was playing with some mild explosives, 
in his own backyard, a resolute boy he is; 
the June month had swelled like the taut belly of 
a neighborhood lady; the boy wanted to be 
a scientist which he became. He, of course could not 
envision that all these sepia dust of Utah, 
the noon backyard and a young scientist’s narrative 
would be remembered by his explosive daughter 
and a strange Indian was going to pen a saga. 

Alfred Nobel was smiling from a page of a book 

The boy rolled a cigarette, the smoke’s curlicues 
swirl up to grain the picture. A blast almost choked
the bright blue jays and robins. Defused sun slanted.
The end of the road was just an end of the road 
where sun could meet earth, warm grass shook off the heat 
and the covert window of the farm house would yield 
a father and son talk. Strong argument on
future, on an university, on money 
on a world that could differ in generations;
of course the boy, as a father, understood 
his girl, then living apart. But distance is in heart.
He would grow up midst dreams. A quirky wind would blow him 
here and there; navy, marriage and science, 
pharmacology and marriage again; a gust
of wind would take him on a ride that, if he could 
read this he would have said, resembled his truck rides 
down the roads of Utah. But at that point of time
he was wide awake inside his misty night’s sleep 
and an American novel is shooting up 
its multiple heads in search of fresh oxygen. 
The waves of moon were enjoying a full tide.

=© 2009 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar


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