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Funny Lyric Poems | Funny Poems About Lyric

These Funny Lyric poems are examples of Funny poems about Lyric. These are the best examples of Funny Lyric poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Limerick | |

His funeral

That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."


Details | Lyric | |

I Am The World's First Selfie Poem

I am the world's first selfie poem,
Held aloft by the world's first selfie poem stick,
A look-at-me wordsmith pic,
Here I am fluttering beside Tower Bridge.

So here I pose on the left bank;
Here I'm by the Eiffel Tower,
Here I selfie seductively next to the shower.
Ignore the bidet -
Admire my framed parchment hanging above a plastic flower
pot.

Here I am analysed by a poet I barely know,
Here I repose at a jazz festival amid falling snow;
Fractal flake dew blushes my paper skin,
Ink suggestively oozing, blotting,
Have I been crying or exercising?

Here I am tender and damp,
Here I am sunbathing, drying beneath a lava lamp,
My words florescent and glowing,
Quite becoming, a little knowing.

Do my words look big in this?
Are my right words in the wrong order
a hit or a miss?
Am I a PUA verse,
Or a try-hard blow-hard piece of doggerel, cursed?

Here I'm a selfie poem looking for love,
Not a one-night-stand performance poem only read once,
Then abandoned, carelessly tossed away, orphaned on the street,
Clasped by a refuse collector with his selfie poem collecting stick,
Torn,
Unshared,
To be recycled, reincarnated, cared for, repaired..?

(for more of my humorous poetry go to: http://sukispangles.blogspot.com)


Details | Lyric | |

Oh Uhura - To Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah

There was a Starship Enterprise,
It was the ruler of the skies,
But you don't really care for sci-fi, do you?
With Captain Kirk
And Mr Spock
And don’t forget the trademark jock,
And there upon the bridge you’ll find Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura 
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

You’ll find Bones Macoy down in sickbay,
“I’m a doctor Jim” he’d say,
And cure whatever space bug ran through you,
He’ll banish away every cough,
Even if your name’s Chekov,
Or perhaps you might be sweet Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

To make the starship up and go,
The man you really need to know,
Is the Helm officer called Sulu,
But if it’s a message you’d like to send,
Then of course you can depend,
Upon the talented Miss Uhura,

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Your voyage lasted three short years
But despite the trekkie’s fears,
It wouldn’t be the last time that we’d view you,
Of feature films there’d be twelve,
Before the franchise they would shelve,
But we won’t forget you dear Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Oh Uhura


Details | Lyric | |

A Piece Of Lace

[Verse-1]
I watched you walk by yesterday, and yes again you turned and looked away
You never give me the time of day, and you're always looking sad and grey
A small piece of lace from your pink dress, is all that's left of you and me
Wish I could take back yesterday, when I went astray and set you free
I wish I could find the words to say, instead of making you look away
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-2]
I know that I still need your love, because my heart is always feeling blue
And I guess I'll never be the same, for playing around and being untrue
You gotta know this isn't what I wanted, cause now I'm always on my knees
But I can see how you like your freedom, of being with him and not with me
But baby a twist of fate's what tore us apart, and placed this look upon my face
Oh! it's still funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-3]
All those things that you used to do, is what made me fall in love with you
You gave me your all once upon a time, but like a fool I up and flew
And the things I went and said that day, made you fade and drift away
I never shoulda treated you that way, cause baby I need you here today
The sun keeps hiding behind the clouds, and all I do is sit and cry
And this piece of lace holds my heart at bay, I don't know...maybe it's a sign

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace


Details | Lyric | |

"The Nausea-go-round."

Up, down, up, down
Oh what a ride,
Round and round, round and round,
I've got quite a feeling inside,
Ever constant revolutions,
My stomach just gave me a hunch.
Up, down, around, RETCH!!!
Oh dear, I've just lost my lunch.


Details | Lyric | |

You Won't Tell Them How You Lied

[verse-1]
Tonight it feels like, the end of the world
Tonight you showed me, you were never my girl
I wonder do you know, what my heart is doing
Well girl it's breaking in two, since you've gone

[verse-2]
Go ahead tell those lies, to all your friends
Go ahead tell them, what a big fool i've been
I wonder will you tell them, you have a heart of stone
Or will you call them, and joke about me on the phone

[chorus]
Well be sure to tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
Tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause I know, you won't tell them how you lied

[verse-3]
You're gonna have to be careful, when you're drinking
You're gonna have to be sober, when you're bragging
You'll have to learn to shut your mouth, when your wasted
Or everyone will no your a liar, and how your mind is twisted

[chorus]
Well be sure you tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
And tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause girl I know, you won't tell them how you lied


Details | I do not know? | |

The break up- Footle contest

Cold stares
heart tares


Details | Lyric | |

I found a job

I found a job at last

Well, I worked hard for twenty year
For a greedy type of bloke
I pushed and pulled until me legs went weak
Then one day I felt this twinge
It ran right down me spine
So I went out, some doctors help to seek

Now I can’t sit, and I can’t walk
Can’t even wash me feet
So off I goes to see this medico
He looked me over knowingly
As if he understood!
Then said “You’re doing fine, now off you go”

So off I goes to get a job
I gave some boss a call
But when he saw the way it was for me
He said “I can’t give you a job!
You’re stuffed my boy, that’s all
Oh, don’t tell me about your misery”.

I tried for an insurance claim
They said “we know you’re kind!!
You say you’re hurt, but is this really true?
To get some money out of us
You’ll have to test our might
We deem you fit to get a job, we do”

Well now I’ve got myself a job
It’s a breeze, I must confess
I lie her licking postage stamps all day
When I said I couldn’t work
I forgot about me tongue
So now I’ve got a job, and it’s okay.


Written in 1990





Details | Light Poetry | |

I Had To Write This Poem

I had to write this poem 
because I thought of this one great line,
What do you think -
will it stand the test of time?

Well, I had to write it down
to deter other poets stealing this idea;
You know lines are clutched from the atmosphere,
Or they fall like apples, spill over like beer.

I had to write this poem,
Because I thought of this one great line;
Like a beat messiah,
My acid milk turns to wine.

And now I feel fine, and your pleasure
in my one sparkling line.
I had to write this poem,
Hidden in this gem of a line.


Details | Lyric | |

The pen is mightier than the sword

The pen is mightier than the sword

What is it about some people?
Have they no minds of all
To me their puppets on a string
As they follow all the rules
Whether they make sense at all
That’s all beside the point
They believe all that their leaders say
When it comes to the simple joint!

Our leaders they have called the shots
On this and all that matters
They come to us on the TV set
And I hear their foolish chatter
Our premier with pigeon mind
Was heard to say one day
That cannabis is a killer drug
Or almost any way.

Now I have smoked for forty years
And not once have I ever
Suffered from this gentle weed
These leaders might be clever
Or think they are, through their position
But to me they’re simply fools
But they give me cause to laugh out loud
They’re so damned comical.

23 July 2013 @ 1133hrs.


Details | Limerick | |

The Monster Mash

<                              dancing to the hit song monster mash
                                frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
                                took the witches culdeen
                                and boiled up mummys spleen
                                Quasimodo joined in on the bash


                                witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
                                illuminates party from it's start
                                Dracula and zombies
                                lurking for free bodies
                                poor old frankie's wife just fell apart 



                               the bewitching dance came to its end
                               when bats flew in frenzy around den 
                               on this all hallows eve
                               trickery was up sleeve
                               sent my 3 black cats in to defend


Details | Free verse | |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
leather-shoes...
(ya hoo)


Details | Free verse | |

A Simple Southern Christmas

It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
All I want from Santa is some egg nog, bourbon and beer.
I'm gonna wait on Santa Christmas Eve night,
and when he's not lookin' I just might,
steal his reindeer.
It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
I'm sending out my Christmas cheer.
I'm gonna sit on my front porch swing and sing.
It will be a good thing to hear those jingle bells ring.
I thought I seen Santa on the backwoods bayou road,
but instead it was a big fat toad.
It'a a wonderful simple southern Christmas here.
Santa just brought me some egg nog, bourbon, and beer.
When he wasn't lookin' I stole his reindeer.
So now I can deliver my Christmas cheer.
But hurry, hurry, I'm in a rush,
got to give that reindeer a little push.
Got to go, got to go,
got to get home to fix my gumbo.
It is Christmas day,
and I'm in  a rush I must say.
It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
Just add egg nog, bourbon and beer.
Mix it up with some Christmas cheer.
I'm ready for Christmas every year.


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

who says

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else, hey 
You made me insecure, to me I wasn't good enough 
But who are you to judge When you're a diamond in the rough
 I'm sure you got some things You'd like to change about yourself
 But when it comes to me I wouldn't want to be anybody else
 I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me You got every right to a beautiful life, 
come on
 Who says, who says you're not perfect 
Who says you're not worth it 
Who says you're the only one that's hurting 
Trust me that's the price of beauty Who says you're not pretty Who says you're not beautiful, who says?
 It's such a funny thing How nothing's funny when it's you 
You tell 'em what you mean But they keep whitin' out the the truth
 It's like the work of art That never get to see the light Keep you beneath the stars Won't let you touch the sky
 I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me You got every right to a beautiful life,
 come on
 Who says, who says you're not perfect 
Who says you're not worth it 
Who says you're the only one that's hurting 
Trust me that's the price of beauty 
Who says you're not pretty
 Who says you're not beautiful, who says?
 Who says you're not star potential Who says you're not presidential Who says you can't be in movies Listen to me, listen to me
 Who says you don't pass the test 
Who says you can't be the best Who said, who said? 
Would you tell me who said that, yeah Who said
 Who says, who says you're not perfect
 Who says you're not worth it 
Who says you're the only one that's hurting 
Trust me that's the price of beauty 
Who says you're not pretty 
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?
 Who says you're not perfect 
Who says you're not worth it 
Who says you're the only one that's hurting 
Trust me that's the price of beauty Who says you're not pretty Who says you're not beautiful, who says


Details | Lyric | |

Logistics - A parody of a certain delivery company's television advert, to the tune That's Amore

Yes we don’t give a toss,
If your package is lost,
That’s logistics,
If it’s broken or bent,
Or has multiple dents,
That’s logistics,
If it’s fragile and breaks,
It was not our mistake,
That’s logistics,
Well you were not at home,
So we sent it to Rome,
That’s logistics!

So incredibly late,
That it’s gone out of date,
That’s logistics,
We don’t know where it went,
Are you sure it was sent?
That’s logistics,
Your parcels we’ll stash,
But we’ll still take your cash,
That’s logistics,
What an item on time?!
Oh no wait, it’s not mine,
That’s logistics!



Details | Haiku | |

Johnny Come Blow Your Horn

pillar of trumpets
are no match in a garden
for the hummingbird


Details | Ballad | |

Pan and Satan

Pan and Satan.

One morning I was walking in my garden
When old Jupiter came up close to me.
And standing by his side stood fair Demeter
Who smiled at me so warm and tenderly.
She said “my son we’ve come to give our blessings
And we’ve a story we would like to tell.
Of how the great God Pan turned into Satan
And child I hope that you will listen well.

For Pan he was the god of natures beauty
And he wore no taint till Satan came along.
He’d play his pipes so gaily in the meadows
Though sometimes there was mischief in his song.

Then Satan said to pan “well I don’t give a damn
I’m going to steal your horns and make you me.
Then I’ll build a master plan and strike some fear in man
So always he will live in misery.
And that’s the way old Pan became young Satan
Yet still the old one dances deep within.
But if the two had never joined together
Then where would dwell the ugliness of sin.

1990


Details | Limerick | |

CLIP IT ON

Clip it on and don't think twice
Clip it on cuz it looks nice.
Clip it on so you know where it is at.
Clip it on maybe to a hat.
Clip it on so it does not fall off.
Clip it on so your pet don't runaway.
Clip it on so it stays in place.
Clip it on in outer space.
Clip it on every day.
Clip it on around the world.
JUST CLIP IT ON.


Details | Lyric | |

Walkin' With My Wiener In My Hand......

(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

See the frost, watch it glisten
Too much beer, I'm on a mission
To write my name in the snow 
With a funny yellow glow
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

Got a trenchcoat that I'm wearing
So that I can do some "sharing"
Maybe my legs are too white
That gives 'em a fright
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

At the lounge we were chillin'
After time, my bladder's fillin'
I stagger left and then right
Hope I make it in time
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

Feels so good to drain my lizard
From behind I hear a whisper
"I hope you'll be done soon, 
'cause you're in the ladies room!"
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Self-Hate Miracle Plan

Let's lose weight,
Let's discover the
yin and yang of
protein and complex
carbohydrate.
It's never too late
to let your
corporeal fat eat
cake.
So let's lose
weight.
And, then?
Then, let's look
inside your
cavernous space,
And discover your
previously hidden, 
And uniquely
transcendent,
And unparagoned, 
Blissful Essence.

Let's go!

Let's lose weight.
Because it's the
only way - to lose
weight.
Let's deflate your
billowing concertina
face.
Let's drain away
those flabby
bingo-arm thighs;
Sight the edacity: I
snack, I die.
Chant: For I am
Spirit, pure and
eternal..For I am
Spirit, pure and
eternal..
Let's lose weight.

Pain-feast your
lingua-nausea
mantra;
Really utilise your
hidden pneuma
matter.
Oh, and,
The flashing lights,
the tingling arms?
Mouth striking
shapes to burglar
alarms?
Perhaps, a smidgen
of self harm?
Tremors, blushing,
perspiring, shaking,
flushing?
That's okay:
If it ain't
hurting..
It's a positive
thing to focus there
your self-hate.

It's not easy to
lose weight -
Especially when you
refuse to lose
weight.
No, we mustn't allow
your feckless
mentalism to
dictate.
Instead,
Appreciate yourself
depreciate:
Scale away your
inducing corpus,
And irrigate.
Irrigate.

Stare yourself down,
reflecting off your
plate.
Speed-read all my
magazines:
Glean the
enlightened screed
of my shapely New
Age dream;
Allow me to melt
away your pizza
footprint;
Gracefully fade you
to your sculpted
meme.

Unsuicide bomb those
spare tyres with
love.
Vacuum-pack your
stomach with tender
wires - see above.
Let's lose weight.
And strike your
utter repose!

And you'll soon
delightedly discover
your swooning lover,
And how the sweet
mirror shall melt of
you!

Be like a sliver of
crystal glass;
As svelte as the
skin of flowing
water;
Skim through the air
like a flying
saucer;
Writhe your
multi-orgasmic
tiger,
Deposing ounces, you
shall footfall
utopia.
Let's lose weight.

You can do it!
..For I am Spirit,
pure and eternal..
Let's go!

for more humorous
verse: sukispangles
dot blogspot.com


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Pricked

Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.


Details | Lyric | |

Hard to Forget

Hard to Forget
 
Earie the  mournin I had the cock screw
At the aftunun, I washed the sunnin gay
Im just wanderin ova evrytin
Evry momen we shed in our useful days

Refrain
Hoe kan I stop to lovin ye (no...w)
Hoe kan I cease to make ye hapi
 Hoe kan I resixt ye in ma laive (that's why)
I'll holeways loaf ye delhi

Steel remembrin when we melt
Steel remembrin tins we shed 2 gender
Hoe suit those day we spent worse
Hoe wail down memo lane to bring on the murder...


Refrain

I kan't just forgate evrytin...
I steel rememba well we melt
I steel rememba the time we shed
I steel rememba... evrytin evrytin


Refrain

So is tru the world is mall
I kan't beliv I fall in lob
Yeah I fall in  and fet no same
Is there any crown in being in lob?

Very hard, very very hard
Hard to forget
Very hard, very very hard
Hard to forget
For I'm in love ooooo
This is hard to forgo. 

For: Roy Jerden's Malapropisms and Mondegreens Contest


Details | Lyric | |

The Unhappy Moth

She chose a red scarf. The most red 
of them all.
Of a dark red, a sweet and thick red color,
just as wine.

She carved from the red scarf
from the middle
to the size of a Martini glass.

Then she carved one more glass,
and she kept carving 
till she fell asleep.

Yesterday
she saw her Beloved Moth 
flirting with a Younger Moth, 
carving together from a sweater
while she was getting busy,
carving in the shelves.

The Unhappy Moth drank lots of wine
woolen wine, 
last night.
She drank lots, too much
for a Moth.
The Unhappy Moth got drunk
and fell asleep
on the red scarf,
unhidden
with a heart filled with peace.

She was not afraid no more. 
Now she could be seen easily,
laying on the scarf
and easily crushed.

The Unhappy Moth was not 
afraid of death no more,
at least, now she knew 
how wonderful the red scarfs are
and that they taste
like red wine.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Welcome To The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel

Welcome to The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel,
And,
If this is your first time here -
Why?
Where have you been?

We mass produce uniquely,
Our gnome-lines are refreshed twice-weekly,
Each gnome has it's own i.d number,
So rest assured,
One can never be mistaken for another.

Mould-engineered by plastic injection craftsmen,
Then hand-finished by aerosol paint artisans,
Your garden gnome is guaranteed authentic -
Their bobble-hatted face won't drip,
And their shatter-proof head will nod happily on windy days.

We are the only licensed garden gnome sellers in the UK.
So what are you waiting for?

Rome wasn't built in a day,
But our gnomes are,
Meaning your gnome could be with you within thirty-six hours,
Or - if you require it urgently - within twenty-four,
And it will cost you only four pounds more,
Couriered directly from our air-conditioned warehouse in Bangalore.

sukispangles.blogspot.com


Details | Haiku | |

All About the Music: The Infinite Magic of Lyricism

Pop may be catchy
But not lyrically deep
Case in point: Chris Brown.


(N.B. Poem written after hearing "Don't Wake Me Up")


Details | Rhyme | |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar


Details | ABC | |

The Garbage Truck

As we stop, I pull out my jar of Vic's vapor rub 
I put some up my nostrils, this job you cannot love 
But it pays the bills, I make my living 
Trash day is when people are most giving 
They are selfless when getting rid of what they see as junk 
Whew! That smell from the back of a garbage truck 
I spot a pair of shoes for my kid 
I will wash them first, get rid of the odor of rotted squid 
My niece's birthday is coming up soon 
I found a playhouse with dishes, forks, cups and spoons 
It's family night tonight at home 
The unknown video I found will be shown 
Finding the right stuff is a matter of luck 
It is just my point of view from the back of a garbage truck 
I found a half a bucket of KFC 
I take a smell, it smells as fresh as can be, what a surprise for my family 
Two hours later, the family can't keep their meal down 
They are so ungrateful about the food I found 
I am on a strict budget, I have to find a way to save a couple bucks 
More dinners will be found because I work on the back of a garbage truck 


Details | Limerick | |

MY BED CALLS

With heaping speed like the flash
Am ah make a dash
My bed calls, dive in... splashhh
It was an honor and a pleasure
Poetry writers you'll so clever
Poetrysoup had me in a spell
O! well, farewell...
Goodnight ya'll
Catch you on the rebound
Tomorrow then, sleep now call
10:30 PM zzzzz-ing sound 
My bed Callsssssss

©Copyright January 22, 2012 by Brian Pierre-Alexander
© All Rights Reserved






Details | Rhyme | |

The New Santa Claus

I'm locking up my house, because it's that time for thieves.
I need to Santa proof my place, because It's Christmas Eve.
If he does get in, I'm going to run and hide.
I left out some milk and cookies with rat pellets inside.
While he's eating the cookies and he's starting to sweat.
The reindeer will be caught in security nets.
"I'm sorry boys and girls, but Santa has to retire!"
I'm going to tie him to the tree and set poor Santa on fire.
Then I'm going to take the toys and keep them all to myself.
Even though I've been bad, no coals will be on my shelf.
Merry Christmas to me! This year is going to be grand!
I'll get whatever I want, if Christmas goes as I planned!
Wearing Santa Claus' suite I'll get in houses without keys.
In twenty seven minutes I'll rob twenty seven trees!
So all you little brats, don't you cry and sob.
With the recession and depression, I just needed a job.
A lot of things are going to change, but you all shouldn't be sad.
Now that I'm the new Santa, It doesn't matter who's bad.
I'll use the elves as my slaves and the toys will still come.
Instead of a Nintendo, you'll get a gallon of rum.
Toy guns are for babies, how about the real thing?
A candy neckless won't impress, I'll make sure that it's bling.
You said you wanted a pony? How about a deer that can fly?
No more lousy presents, no more socks, or bad ties.
I'll change... 
Wait... Wait a minute... Was that all just a dream?
Why do I only have coal under the tree and in my stocking?
Santa please come back! I promse I'll be better next year!
I promise I'll be good and I'll spred more Christmas cheer!

Did Santa Claus come back? Did he come like I thought he should?
No Santa didn't, but next year I'll be good!
I'll only do what is right, aleast to his satisfaction.
So he comes back to my house, and my plan goes back into action!