HORSE FROM MARS
It came from the sky, a gray silver stallion.
I looked up high, and I have also seen a dragon.
With so many things in this universe.
I'm on stand-by with a camera in my purse.
Who would have known I'd be the first to spot a PEGASUS.
The town folks wave hi every time I walk my hippopotamus.
I enjoy showing everyone, my pictures of a flying horse.
I don't see why they call a DOCTOR every time I call the TASK FORCE
I think they are jealous over all the things I've seen.
They act all crazy since I sighted a LEPRECHAUN when I was fourteen.
No one ever believed me when I saw an army of dragonflies.
They have a name for me "the boy who See's too much in the skies!"
I don't know why they can't see what I see.
For all I know they are all experiments under Alien Technology.
They don't believe me how I got this magic MEDALLION.
It was a friendly gift from the silver stallion.
I also have many pictures of a UNICORN.
We became best-friends when he gave me a piece of its magic horn.
We sat together while he drank from the lake.
We enjoyed talking, --talking about how U.F.O.'s are fake.
Why can't they see? The day I fell off a boat, I got rescued by a MERMAID!
Who would have known a mermaid swim around with first-aid.
I also remember the day I followed a LEPRECHAUNS.
We were playing under the rainbow having so much fun.
When I told my doctor about all the things I've seen.
He locked me in a DUNGEON, thinking I was the ALIEN QUEEN.
I begged and I told him I don't believe in any type of alien.
Too bad the master of this dungeon came from another region.
In a way he looks like that one SILVER STALLION from Mars.
The first creature I'd seen the day I fell off the monkey bars.
I have this picture of this horse of course.
JUST help me out of this white-jacket!!! ;-)
If you want to see the coolest picture of a flying horse.
(A small collaboration with: B-Boy)
re-post for ~FUNNY CONTEST
There was a man who had a horse
Means of friendship and transportation of course
Everywhere the man did go horse was there for show
This horse began old to grow
To the used car lot the man did go
Selecting a car with many horses you know
Not knowing it was a lemon he bought
Now on the car he constantly sought
Parts to replace what would not go and
On one side the man would stand
Peering into the broken car with plan
On a stump on the other side
The horse would stand trying to guide
His friend on where the problem did lie
Also he was studying the working parts
Trying to figure out how all those horses fit inside
They formed a posse and it was loaded
Three experienced at tracking
And their guide
He was a one-legged kangaroo
No one dared to waltz with him
Even Matilda kept clear
The heat was unbearable
And no one liked bank robbers
Crossing upstream the three rode through rapids
One horse was bitten by a bee
It startled him and reared
Throwing the third rider into the rapids
One scream and carried downstream
The other two rode the banks and the rapid
And their one legged kangaroo hopped
One hop forward but always angles
They came to a suddenly quiet pool
They saw a hat that was clear
The horse whinnied and a single tear
The kangaroo was exhausted and thought of a new line of work
His master lay face down and floated
The three horses gazed at the floater
And the two men followed their lead
And what about the bank robbers
They had a pint
A Lil' Bit of Aus... Free Poetry Contest
Sponsor Tracie ~*~ Indigo Dreamweaver
As you run
Legs and hips
You turn around
Well shaped rear
I bet on a horse and it won
50 quid is not a huge sum
So I bet again and still won
But 100 quid is still a small sum
So I bet again and guess what?
Yes, I won
But 300 quid is still not a big sum
So you know what I did? Yes u do
I bet again and yes I won
But 500 quid is not a big sum,
So I decided to go to the zoo
to buy a gorilla who had flu
I got him cheap, but he was big,
bigger then my 500 sum
I bet he could swim, jump, play
polo and clean out a sump
He did all this with much glee, but I
am still not rich you see
My poorly gorilla costs me a lot, the
vets are an expensive lot
So my 500 quids are no more, and
my gorilla looks sad even more.
So I sold my pet to my vet, cus he
wanted him as a pet
Now I have 500 to bet, and yes on a
horse. I bet
My horse was called gorilla in the
Gosh what a fantastic twist.
Surely my horse should win this
race, and yes he did, at a casual gait.
Now I have 1000 quid to my name,
so back to the zoo, for some other
I brought a giraffe, with my stake,
he had a long neck and he smelled
But my story ends here as my Dr
Come on he said to me, what have
written on your pad?
Wow said my Dr that’s just great,
now time for your medication date!
THIS IS HOW LIFE FEELS WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE
I have a general philosophical precept
Life is in general a bowl of cherries except
When someone stabs me in the back who didn’t oughta
From a completely unexpected quarter
I mean it’s ok if some dude whom I don’t like or trust
Has a go at me and feels he must
But if my wife tells me I continually bug her with my fidgets
And then she runs off with a team of one-legged circus midgets
Or my kids sell their hand-bound volumes of my poems
To buy a ton of horse manure to mix with the garden loams
And even the cat turns down my offer of warm milk
To go next door and sleep on sheets of silk
Or if a poetry contest excludes me simply because my name
Is unacceptable, maybe because I am black, or lacking in fame,
Or because I’m Methodist, and gay, and Republican, and from East Lansing,
Then I say to myself, well here’s the thing:
If, along with my poem entry, I’ve slipped in fifty bucks,
Well then how can I be excluded? I mean shucks -
Rules is rules but when I’ve already paid to be in the winners’ list
I feel I have the right, and I just gotta insist,
Cos midgets and fidgets don’t amount to squat
And sheets of silk or loads of horse manure is a lot
But my name’s my pride and joy and I am proud to add it
(But I fear to do it again in this contest or I’ve had it),
So in this contest I will remain anonymous
Though I guess the details writ here are just about synonymous
With a name I do not dare speak - at risk of exclusion
But I’m pretty sure this extra fifty bucks will lessen the confusion.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Written - with great affection - for
Nancy Jones's Contest "This is how life feels when you get to be my age..."
As a little girl she loved western boots
Loved to pretend she was riding a giant horse
Pictures were all over the home of her and the white boots
When she got a little older she finally rode a real horse with laughter
Her parents bought her a horse when she was ten and took many pictures
She wore her boots and that horse as well
She fed the horse apples,carrots and peppermints
The horse would chomp the apple and carrots but put the peppermints in his cheek
He sucked on that candy and the drool was red
She would wear her battered boots to school and the horse wore the drool
When she was eighteen the horse died but the boots didn't
They were bigger now and polished in case the boys called
She bought a new horse but wore the old boots
The horse didn't know they were old and the boots were shined
Her friends were all fashionable but the boots were hers
They carried her with marriage,babies and through her divorce
The heels wore down like her marriage but she didn't and the new horse loved peppermints too
Marriages wear as do people but those famous boots can be re shod
And she was older and forgetful and the horse died
But when she put those boots on she was ten and galloping
And she would chomp an apple or carrot and suck on a peppermint
And the drool on her famous boots
To my dear friend and her horse who loved peppermints
Thoughts by a Horse Owner
A farmer milks a cow for all it’s worth …but
a horse milks a farmer for all he’s worth!
Horses are an expensive proposition to say the least.
Try lavishing your love on another beast.
When you look upon a star and make a wish,
much cheaper to try for a goldfish.
But if you can’t afford it
when your dream comes true,
just flush it down the loo.
Or if you’re into recycling, eat the little guy…
And for crying out loud,
quit wishing towards the sky!
Answer to Doris Culverhouse’s invite for a silly poem.
There you go Doris! : ) ...(but I mean it!)
Telling of Truths
A brown horse galloped across a snowy field at the end
of the pasture a fence, it jumped over and continued its
crazy gallop into the woods only came to a shuddering
halt when it saw a moose. Steaming nostrils, the moose
charged, horse fled deeper into the woods. Where it met
a forest troll who took it into his cave and gave the horse
a bucket of hot chocolate to drink. Since the snow deep
and tiring to sink into when walking, the troll also fitted
the horse with snow shoes; also, the troll had no need of
a horse led it back to its field. When the farmer came to
fetch his horse and saw the snowshoes, he had a nervous
breakdown and sent away to an asylum, where doctors
tried to convince him it was all in his mind. But the farmer
would have none of it. So he is still there and they will not
release him until he agrees with them that a horse wears
iron shoes and not snowshoes.
ON THE ROCKS
Talk about bad luck, I hit rock bottom and broke a leg
One advantage to hitting rock bottom is at least I know which way is up now
I hit Rock’s bottom and he promptly kicked my bottom from one end to the other
It usually bottoms out when I hit rock bottom
WAXING PHILOSOPHIC (YEAH YOU MOPPED, BUT DID YOU WAX?... I THOUGHT NOT!)
A tree fell in the forest and a hearing impaired gentleman was nearby so it did NOT make a sound
You think, therefore you are and just who do think you are, anyway?
What does not kill me only makes me weak in the stomach when I am presented with the hospital bill
People who live in bakeries should not throw scones
DONCHA’ JUST LOVE IT?
Love is blind and keeps bumping into things
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! Um…
I loved her to death but got off on a technicality
Star-crossed lovers occasionally get crossed up and can get rather cross about it too
I SAW ONE THE OTHER DAY I SWEAR TO GOD I DID
I made a Snowman that frankly speaking, looked Abominable
The Abominable Snowman retired to Florida and melted on the spot
Bigfoot treated The Abominable Snowman and family to dinner and footed the entire bill (however, things got pretty hairy when his credit card was refused)
Bigfoot often puts his foot in his mouth and he’s got a big mouth too
YOU’RE A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS AND STOP ACTING LIKE A HORSE’S ASS, SMART-ASS AND MY ASS CAN WHIP YOUR ASS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK TOO
A mule got a species change operation and made a real ass of himself
So WHAT if I’ve got it all backwards? (You whole-ass- b_tch-of- a-son!)
Secretariat lost his ass in a High-Stakes poker game
A horse was unjustly discriminated against because it was a horse of a different color
"Our horses are well-trained and subdued!", blared the stable sign!
That made a lot of horse-sense to me and suited me just fine.
I'm not an equestrian and had never ridden a horse before.
"Not to worry", said he, "you'll soon establish a fine rapport!"
I paid the price agreed and he produced an elegant steed.
Says he, "Why, he's so tame that little kids ride 'im, yes indeed!"
His name was 'Killer' which aroused in me some suspicion,
But I set that aside anxious to get on with my expedition!
I approached the beast with not a little apprehension.
He stood there paying me not the least bit of attention,
'Til I put my foot in the stirrup then he turned his head and stared,
Glared, stomped and snorted with his nostrils fully flared!
At last I managed to climb upon the well-worn western saddle.
The guy slapped Killer's rump and yelled, "Now, y'all skedaddle!"
Off we galloped like a bat out of you know where,
Me holding on with all my might proffering a hasty prayer!
I've flown upside down in planes, done loops and other gyrations,
But that cayuse gave me the wildest ride despite my supplications!
Back at the stable I straightened my back with a visible wince,
And fellers I'm here to tell you, I ain't rode another horse since!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
At the sound of the first horn, the joke becomes ill,
And there is just no amount of comedic skill,
That can hide its indecency, but try he will,
And despite its poor taste, he will use it still.
Upon the second horn, The Heckler appears,
And the joke is now met with insensitive jeers,
“Is that all you’ve got?!” he does scoff as he sneers,
And upon confrontation he sits there and leers.
The third horn is sounded and Silence arrives,
And of applause and of laughter he cruelly deprives,
Starving the joke of the food he derives,
From the merriment upon which every joke thrives.
The last horn is sounded and the final death stroke,
Is dealt upon our poor unfortunate joke,
He lets out a wheeze and gives a small choke
And at last did our poor whimsy finally croak.
‘Tis the end of the line for our jolly old friend,
And there is no amount of first aid that could mend,
The injuries to what the comedian penned,
For our tired joke has met its sweet end.
This haiku has been deleted due to possible publication.
While I was drinking in the Vic'
Out Goondiwindi way,
This burnt out ringer on his horse
Reined in and said, "G’day!"
We'd all been playing 301,
So asked could he join in.
"Sure thing old mate!" we all agreed,
Which brought a toothless grin.
"The name is Paddy Mellon boys ...
I'll have a pot please love ...
I feel I'm on a winning streak
Or there’s no God above."
He sat there perched upon his stool
Between the pub's doorway,
And held the reins of his old horse,
Which sensed he planned to stay.
The pots went down and time flashed by,
He won near ev'ry game,
But Paddy's knees were bowing fast,
His aim a bit the same.
By late that 'arve the wobbly boot
Had taken full control,
Old Paddy’s winning streak had gone
And Nick had claimed his soul.
Poor Paddy's darts they missed their mark,
The grog had soaked his brains,
But Paddy he just blamed the horse.
"Stop pulling on the reins!" The boys in blue had called in too
And warned him there and then,
"We catching you riding that horse drunk
You'll see a cell ag'en."
Old Paddy broke and out of luck
Resigned to riding off
And as he rode into the night
He gave a smoker's cough.
He'd only gone a block or two
When who should drive on past.
None other than the boys in blue,
Who turned around real fast.
But Paddy though had seen them too
And instinct then took hold.
He jumped behind the saddle quick,
His grin was brazen, bold.
The constable looked up at him,
He'd teach this ringer what.
"We told you not to ride that horse,
You poor old drunken sot!"
But Paddy said, "You've got it wrong,
I am not riding Sir.
You see on this old horse my friend
I'm just a passenger!"
A man from the Canadian Mounties
Joined the Strathclyde police,
Seconded to tame the gangs
Of the inner Glasgow streets.
But on one sunny day
In Southern Lanarkshire,
A horse escaped from its stable
To bring some local fear.
So they called our Canadian pal
To see how he rides a horse,
And if he could tame the stallion
In the style of the Canadian force.
As he approached the GG
It let the man sit on its back,
Who bragged to his uniformed pals
"See I ain't no Mountie hack".
But slowly creeping behind
Sergeant Jock gave the horse a wack,
The horse responded in kind
And bolted with its rider bear back.
To the shock of our Mountie friend
Being scared he'll hit the deck,
Grabbed the horse real tight
With sleeper hold around its neck.
But the horse just panicked more
And ran as fast as it could,
With the pride of the mounted police
'Round it's neck straight into the wood.
So the rest of the police on duty
followed the horse and its jockey,
Laughing and running so hard
Thinking of jokes that could mock him.
They eventually found the horse
Without our Mountie friend,
For the horse threw off Canadian pride
When their run had come to and end.
Now if you ask our Mountie friend
"Do you ride horses anymore",
He'll smile and wink as he tells you
"I've never ridden a horse before".
Note : this is a true story. A Strathclyde (Glasgow) policeman told me so it must be true
When I was only four years old
I'd ride my mama's broom
I'd chase those villains everywhere
Well, until she swept the room
She kept it in the kitchen corner
I called it his corral
Whenever trouble came to town
I'd reach for my best pal
Now every cowboy needs a horse
And mine was the best of all
Cause when he finished fighting crime
He cleaned up his own stall
Now Roy Rogers had his Trigger
And Tonto had his Scout
And though my horse never had a name
He was loyal without a doubt
I rode that stick horse everywhere
Until the vacuum took his place
A friend like that was hard to find
And impossible to replace
Caligula,boss of the roman empire
he and his horse Incitatus
they ruled with sword and searing fire
his horse was truly audacious
hanging out at the local bar
Incitatus and Caligula gloats
parting never very far
drinking beer and eating oats
Toast to feats and daring raids
on the Gaules of olden France
they teased the nearly naked maids
and tipped them all to dance
the girls would scream with pain
when Incitatus stomped their toes
Caligula ordered a round again
to salute themselves heros
at two oclock they close the moats
the castle was very far
with too much beer and many oats
they left the local bar!
The first time that I was serious
“I would be a good boy now”
My mom said “Non-sense! You never can
Go out and get yourself a sun-tan”
I left that idea for ever
My mom still repents for being so clever!!
And then I was genuine when I said
“From tomorrow I will start studying”
My esteemed teacher said “Non-sense!
Oh you, I know you are joking”
I gave up studying all together
My teacher still wonders why I took her so seriously rather!!
I was adamant when I followed my aim
“I just want to become that”
My father got in between “Non-sense!
For you its better never than late”
So I gave up doing anything at all
He is still sorry for being the reason of my fall!!
I was darn sure when I said
“That’s the horse that will win the race”
My wealthy uncle quipped “Non-sense!
Such waste decisions, tragedy you will face”
Unfortunately that horse went for the kill
And, I of course, was thrown out of his will!!
I was confident when I said
“It’s you whom I would love to marry, cool”
But my sweetheart said “Non-sense!
I just wanted you to pay the bill, you fool”
Sadly enough, her husband died in a year
She still repents – I would have lived longer without fear!!
I knew it when I declared
“It’s going to be a daughter”
But my mother-in-law shouted “Non-sense!
It’s a son who will bring laughter”
But when Angela was born to see
She came with a foot-ball “She would have enjoyed being a male like me!!”
On Angela’s marriage I said
“It’s definitely not a good match”
Angela scolded me “Non-sense dad!
He is a pass-out from a Harvard batch”
He spent all his life in his office
My dear girl wondered if life can get that rubbish!!
On the day the doctors declared me sick
“I will no longer live, Kristy, that’s fate”
All my friends gasped “Non-sense!
For God’s sake, don’t tell that”
The day I died, slow and brave
No one followed my wife to the grave!!
Fantastically as I climbed the slopes of heaven
“Oh! What a busy life was it!!”
God cheerfully said “Non-sense!
You were a moron without wit”
But when I started doing things in heaven
Even He admitted “If this is how you work in mirth,
Thank God!! (oops) you did nothing on earth!!”
‘ The Highland Horse … Named Uisge Beatha’ ’
Hie’ Away, Hie’ Away
O’er Heather and Gorse
Strode A Magnificent Bay
The Highland Horse …
In the Cold Scottish – Air
On His Back, Kilt – Clad
By Loch and Highlands There
Rode an Aged–Tartan-Plaid
… Tied on a Back Braid
Long as the Russet – Tail and Mane
Were Bagpipes and a Blade
Bouncing as The Highlander Came
Proud, Scottish Warrior
Laird, of His Clan
Racing to His Sweet Moira
A-Riding and Raiding The Highlands …
… Hie’ Away Laddie
Hie’ Away Lass
The Highland Horse, Uisge Beatha’,
He’s Galloping Fast
Hie’ Away Laddie
Hie’ Away Lass
To Bar His Way is Risky
So Please Let Him Pass …
… In The Cold, Scotland Air …
Lilts The Tenderest-Low Brogue
… as down on Naked Knee
… The Highlander Proposed …
… Hie’ Away Laddie
Hie’ Away Lass
The Highland Horse, Uisge Beatha’
… He’s Galloping Fast
Hie’ Away Laddie
Hie’ Away Lass
Here Comes ‘The Whisky’
now Pour Me A Glass …
Hie’ Away Laddie
Hie’ Away Lass
The Bottle is Empty …
… but I Still Got The Flask …
Hie’ Away, Laddie and Lass
For: ‘ The Fraser ‘
he!he!he – show me your
‘ The MoonBee ‘
I am so wild, I carelessly run around
I am the last horse in a one horse town
I'm as wild as wild can be
I have zero guidance, so I live my life aimlessly
Do what you have to, send me to assist the Border Patrol
I need someone to neuter me and keep me under control
I live life by the seat of my pants
I don't want love or trues romance
I believe that every moment counts
When you fall down, there is still time and room to bounce
If a jet can fly, it can surely land
When wrong is done, justice needs to be a firm hand
One day I may feel peace and love deep in my soul
When I find that one that can keep me under control
If there is a poster child for bad, it has to be me
I do not welcome the Devil, but there will be no begging for mercy
I often wonder what do people think
I really don't care after my third hard drink
You are wasting your time if you want to preach
You are educated, so do your best to teach
I am not worth being loved by you, so do not glow
I want discipline, so do your best to bring me under control
I party and sin and live as I please
I will never be driven to my eyes
I am a rebel and that will never change in my life
Not looking for love, a white picket fence or a loving wife
I can take the streets and deal with them blow by blow
Are you the one to keep me under control
Some people have it, some don't and some never will
I'm tired of hearing about it, I have lived it, now it's overkill
The question is do I want to sell my soul
You can save me if you can keep me under control
Absorb what you observe as quite absurd,
have fun with wacky wit that's seldom heard.
For instance, watch a shrieking monkey
monkey with a monkey wrench,
or a horse as it hoarsely horses
around with a horseshoe on a bench;
you'll find that, neighing hoarsely,
the monkey will horse around the bench
as noisily as a shrieking shod horse
monkeying with a wrench;
or hear a dog doggedly bark
at dog-eared books about cats,
or see some turtles crane their necks
like cool giraffes wearing straw hats;
in time, the dog will learn to meow,
to stretch its neck, to wear some hats,
as turtles try to bark and read books
about giraffish dogs and cats.
Observe you've just absorbed something absurd,
some wacky words are better read than heard.
I do not know?
Frank and Jesse James strapped their pistols to thier sides
the Youngers got to gether and saddled up tp ride.
Butch and all his gang made ready at the wall
Sundance made his final bet at the gambling hall.
Billy at the time was only seventeen
but he was faster with a gun than most had ever seen.
The Clatons were all fuming cause Wyatt made them all a clown
they were hell bent on revenge the Erps were going down.
Doc was sitting on the couch coughing up his lungs
he sat there with a rag in hand cleaning up his gun.
A stranger on a pale horse had seen them one and all
he told them they'd meet up again when he came baxk to call
The time had come for paybacks they have had enough
the law and order marshels simply were unjust.
The outlaws all deceided they should talk it over first
but when they got together it was a meeting of the worst.
Sundance stared at billy who spit in Jesses face
gun shots starting echoing all about the place.
When the rider on the pale horse rode up in the dusk
everyone was dead and gone and turning into dust.
So much for outlaw justic
or perhaps it was indeed
a justice quite befitting
for a disapearing breed.
The old campfire was pleasant as we sat by its flame.
Talking about how things have changed, hardly anything stays the same.
Talking about the price of gas, now that got a rise.
How you used to could fill up a tank for a ten dollar bill, that brought tears to old
Bob said he’s about ready to buy him a horse and be done with it.
I said Bob you wouldn’t even know which end of the horse to put the saddle on,
let alone make it fit.
He said yeah like you would, reckon I wouldn’t but least I know where to poke the
That got him tickled and he said you’re probably right, can’t you just picture me?
Old Jake finally had to put his two cents in, he said Bob get you one of them
hobby horses ride that to town.
Well I could see old Bob getting a little agitated, he chunked some more wood
on the fire and gave Old Jake a frown.
Bob said to heck with horses, gasoline and all that other bull, let’s talk about fish.
Bob declared, bet I catch the biggest & probably the most, me and Jake pop off
about the same time, don’t you wish.
I said you know what guys we’re going to sit here all night blabbering and ain’t
none of us gonna feel like wettin a hook tomorrow.
As we decide to turn in old Bob says, dang I forgot my piller either one of you
got an extra I could borrow.
Goodnight guys, busy day tomorrow, get your rest.
Come six o’clock tomorrow evening, we’ll see whose catch is the best.