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Funny Health Poems | Funny Poems About Health

These Funny Health poems are examples of Funny poems about Health. These are the best examples of Funny Health poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Limerick | |

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


Details | Light Poetry | |

All Change

This year I turned the big ‘5-0’
And my body is acting strange
So I went to see the doctor who said
Not to worry, as I was going through ‘the change.’

“Is there anything I can take?” I asked
He replied, “There’s HRT
But I don’t believe in prescribing it,
Let’s try to deal with this naturally!”

You could have knocked me backwards
And I thought, all well and good for him
It wasn’t his raging hormones 
Making him feel like a stranger within

He doesn’t get narked, by the little things
That before would go over his head
Or wake up at night, in a lather of sweat
And have to get up to change his bed

It isn’t him having palpitations
Which make you feel like you’re going to die
It’s not him, who feels angry one moment
And the next as if he could cry

He’s not lapsing in concentration
Or feels like he’s his losing his mind,
Because he put the milk in the washing machine
And it took him an hour to find!

It isn’t he who keeps feeling so crap
When a ‘monthly’ is missed or comes late
And I bet he never just has to look at food
In order for him to gain weight!

He’s not always taking medicine for thrush
Or constantly needing to pee
So I bet he’d be first to pop the pills
If it was him going through this, not me

So I looked at him and said “I’ll give it a go
But I don’t really hold much hope”
And walked out of his surgery, feeling as though
I could have hung him with some rope!

But off I went and months have gone past
Of getting worse doing - ‘naturally,’
So I’ve made an appointment with a lady doc
Who might take pity, and prescribe ‘HRT.’


Details | Rhyme | |

Not My Day

Cock-a-doodle-do,the sun is shining through,
Light appears in the sky,darkness turns to blue,
Sneakers or shoe,what do you think my boo,
Left my umbrella at home,rain soaked my shoe,
Achoo-acho-acho,now I have the flu,
Head-ache and cold,seems I caught them too,
My muscles are aching,shivering right through,
Hate taking tablets,a cup of herbal tea will do,
Ahhh-ya-yi,kicked the wall,my God what a blow,
Wobbling to the bathroom,now I broke my toe,
Sitting in the doctors' coach, perched like a crow, 
Darn plaster polish,messing up my flow,
She loves me,she loves me not,what will this flower choose,
Came home early,sick,battered and bruised,
Heard basket ball on the t.v,my boo only watches news,
Burst into the bedroom,to see her hugging another dude,
Bye,bye,bye,pack your things and go away,
I gave you my all,why,why did you stray,
Woke up this morning,energetic and gay,
One thing for certain,today wasn't my day...


Details | Sonnet | |

First crossed by a gyspy, now by a dang witch

“Close the book, ring the bell, light the candle.”
The witch’s words resounded in my ears.
My problems now were more than I could handle
and so I hoped she’d vanquish all my fears.

She stared at me across the darkened room
and then commanded me that I must stay
until my wish was granted. Then a broom
she grabbed, and out the door she flew away!

The magic lay in me, the hag had said.
I only had to wish with all my might.
But with my kind of luck, I might be dead
before I’d get what I had wished that night.

I sit here still; she’s left me with a curse!
No health care yet, and now my back is worse!

(sorry to belabor this, but now you see what preoccupies
my mind these days!! Linda's contests always seem
to bring out this topic for me lately. The gypsy referred to
in my title was in my last poem I did for Linda!)

By Andrea Dietrich for Linda-Marie's
"BELL, BOOK AND CANDLE" Poetry Contest


Details | Rhyme | |

The Wisdom of Wine and Gin

My hair has receded and my belly grown fat
There’s hair growing in my ears and I don’t like that
My joints ache all the day and I have troubles with peeing
I’m tired all the time and have glasses for seeing
Gravity has taken over putting life in a downward spin
No wonder I enjoy drinking a little wine and gin


Details | Narrative | |

The Tale of the Dirty Dick

Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now  propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.


Details | Sonnet | |

Shall I Compare Thee to Your Mother's Arse

Shall I compare thee to your mother's arse?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent

Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every foul from fowl; my stomach churns,
By reason, or by nature's raging closed.

But thy infernal diet shall ne’er start
Nor gain possession of which now I grasp;
Nor shall we meet again; let’s stay apart,
When in eternal sounds the voice does rasp,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can cry,
So long lives this, and I bid thee goodbye.


Details | Rhyme | |

THE AGING PROCESS

Many years ago, when we were all young,
We really thought life, would be so much fun.
While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
“Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
That’s something I swore, I would never do.

Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
That is how little, we all had known,
We surely found out, once we were grown.

Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
Watch what you wish for, my parents had said.
We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
I guess they were right, what more can I say?

Raising your children, was hardest of all,
Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
So now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor.
Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
You searched here and there, and under the bed,
“Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
You are retired; your work is all done.
To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
They never show up, you have the wrong date.

Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
If only you could, remember their names.
You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
Gravity happens, and everything sags.

Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
All the steps you took, led down a new path.
Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
One thing is for sure, everyone will age.


Details | Narrative | |

Making Lemonade

When you're walking Scuffling along in trouble's shoes Head hanging low Mumbling moody blues Well me, I'm making lemonade Why can't you Taking bitter adding something sweet Maybe a smidge, no a heap full of hope Heck, by days end I'll mix it up Movin' straight to, getting crazy in root beer floats When all you see is red Awful thoughts pound your head "Honey do this, honey do that" I'm sitting back Feet up, sipping lemonade again You look my way and say "Boy, he's got it made" Not so my friend I just taking my lemons And making me some lemonade instead There's so much "other time" To have your little gripes Or your petty cries But, now let's toast away the grind And partake in some lemonade on ice You've come this far "And guess what? You've got your health" Check your pulse you're still alive So change your ways Brother, embrace the lemons Squeeze fresh into winner ala mode And "live baby, baby live! in lemonade days "Ahhh ... such sweetness"


Details | Limerick | |

Slams Destroyed Her Head

Slams Destroyed Her Head

She was slammed by slam poetry, boo hoo!
Some folks wondered about the hullabaloo.
When bombarded with dread,
Sad thoughts destroyed her head.
Now, she thinks she’s a blithering cuckoo!

© July 17, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Details | Light Poetry | |

Emergency Rooms Just Kill Me -

Nurse: Briefly describe your pain
Me: Ouch
Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
Me: I dunno...where's your scale?
Nurse: No, no sir, on a scale...
Me: Okay!...180 butt-naked
Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam?
Me: Well, me and this lady went out the other night...
Nurse: We'll need a stool sample
Me: YOUR stool or my stool? I'll need a saw...
Nurse: We'll need to do some lab work
Me: I understand, it's hard to keep good help isn't it?
Nurse: Do you have a history of suicide?
Me: Umm...
Nurse: Are you having trouble urinating?
Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here
Nurse: Sh-t!
Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here
Nurse: Son of a...How many fingers am I holding up??
Me: Aha!...One in the middle and four bent ones, right?
Nurse: I swear to G... Sign this freekin' admittance form!
Me: Uh uh!...I deny the whole thing...
Nurse: (Sigh) Are you allergic to anything?
Me: Hospitals...


Details | Free verse | |

A Winter Walk

I needed some time, some space to think
And it was either take a walk or drink
And since I knew drinking would solve nothing
I put on my shoes and I started walking

The wind blew the chilly air
Through my unkempt locks of hair,
But I hardly felt the biting cold,
Walking with memories warm in my soul

The street was dark, cold and silent
It was funny the places where my mind went
While I slowly walked across the blacktop road
No destination in mind where I would go

It's funny the things you will remember
I recall a day in mid-December
And how suddenly, nothing seemed the same
After that man at the door called my name

I followed him into a secluded office
Where he would tell me his diagnosis
And suddenly I felt my beating heart
But the rest of the world had just stopped

I felt a hand in mine get tighter
I don't think the room could have been quieter
I shook my head in total disbelief
Too numb to feel anything, even grief

The question asked, "What does this mean?"
But the answer didn't mean anything
My head too fuzzy, my thoughts too jumbled
I turned to my love to speak, but mumbled

I don't remember what else he said
Because of the swirling thoughts in my head
It took three days before I could even think
Which led me to tonight: walk or drink

So I walked and I thought and I truly remembered
Dreams of the past, love treasured forever
Friendship and laughter, sorrow and pain
As though I was reliving my life over again

Little things that I'd sorely taken for granted
Things that didn't happen the way that I planned it
Promises made and ones that were broken
Love that was shared, love still unspoken

The frosty air filled me with a sense of renewal
Inside my soul was fighting a duel
The angel, the devil, both battling demons
Inside of myself I fought to redeem them

I don't know who won the ethereal battle
And I'm not sure right now it even matters
Where once I believed everything for a reason
I'm finding that harder and harder to believe in


Details | Rhyme | |

MAMMA ANNA MADE THE BEST BABBA' AL RHUM

Mamma Anna made the best Babba' al Rhum,
you should have seen me how it made me slightly drunk;
and jumping and screaming I danced to the beats of a drum...
then grandma joined in and she sang a classical song!


And the sweet cream was on my lips and cheeks, 
the Babba' al Rhum was delicious and I topped it with chocolate;
everybody began shouting, "It came from Paris,
but we Neapolitans reinvented it by improving its shape and taste!"


Mamma Anna made the best Babba' al Rhum, soaking it in that liqueur much longer;
and Papa' always told me to eat more of it...saying with a suppressing laughter,
"It's a man's dessert, after you eat it, you'll be strong!"
Oh, did he really tell me the truth? No, he was wrong!


It's so very sad that they aren't here,
and I am eating pretzels and drink a beer,
the harmony that stirred their passion can't possibly return...
as they danced on the terrace to celebrate the day I was born!


Mamma Anna knew how to make the best Babba' al Rhum,
and I licked the dripping rum with my finger...not my tongue!
She spoke calmly...when she should have gotten mad and picked up a broom;
no, she was never mean and rude, or ever said to me, " Go to your room!"


Details | Burlesque | |

Sweatin' The Small Stuff

Don't sweat the small stuff, they say...
I see it, a different way....
Small problems easily become big,
Make you pull your hair out,
So you gotta' wear a wig!


Details | I do not know? | |

TRUE PROVERB

Early to drink,   
And early to smoke
Will leave a man shaking,
Coughing, and broke.


Details | Burlesque | |

Is It Just Me?

I wonder if I'm crazy,
It seems as though I am
I'm puzzled by so many things
Like what makes grape jelly
different from grape jam?

Or how anyone could have such low self-esteem,
To let their dumb commercials run
Are we to follow the dinosaurs?
And disappear beneath the sun?

Or how I could be so brain-dead
To find in my refrig,
Some food from the time
of the reign of Ramses,
How could I be so dumb?
The very thought, it scares me,
Makes my mind go numb.

Everything I buy or own,
I seem to lose real quick,
Is there a brain tumor inside me?
Or am I just mentally sick?
Too caught up in great thoughts?
Or just too gosh darn thick?

Sometimes I I find I wander
Into a room, and can't remember why
Is this for people normal?
Or did my brain just fry?

I guess there's no good reason,
To worry about things like this,
Sometimes your brain's on target
Sometimes it just can't help but miss.


Details | Bio | |

Pseudomorph

I get a kick outta the writes I see,
So intellectual, how can that be?
I skipped two grades,
Was forced to take IQ tests again,
Cause no one as dumb as me,
Could possibly produce such a score, you see
Got 100% on regents exams,
Passed college entrance tests
Half drunk and dirty of dress
Cause I was up with friends
drinkin' and carousing like the rest,
And, Lord knows how, but I assure,
I aced the test, and even more,
To what was then considered
"The Poor-Man's Harvard"
I cruised through that as well,
No one was gona stop this Bell

But IQ tests, and scholastic grade,
Never has one, of a man be made
I still do get confused,
About how to wear two shoes,
My brain may be book-smart,
But comin' from the heart,
I've trusted when I really shouldn't
Was skeptical when imprudent

So here's this IQ wiz,
Don't know just who he is,
And street smart as a cat,
Caught in Dr. Zeuss's hat.

So teach your children well,
don't grow up to be like Tom Bell



Details | I do not know? | |

Your Mistake

'Love is patient'
'Love is kind'
The thought of love
Can turn you blind.

But... Now we must
Take some steps
To verify those
Deep regrets.

The first problem you see
Was that. . .
He lied about
You being fat

That in turn 
Led ya to
Beleiving that
He 'accepted' you.

Mirrors were made
For a darn good reason
And thinking you are nothing special
Is high, high treason...

But no!
He's perfect
And no! He's kind
Seriouslly sister
You've lost your mind.

The recipe to love Is that
You have to love your self.
It's not about your facial features
Or the size of ya belt.

The man should be a rock to lean on
And not! A heartless swine.
So please next time. Do pick him wisely
Make sure he has a spine!


Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.


Details | Free verse | |

Princesses

Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!


Details | Couplet | |

Sweet-Tooth or Open and Shut My Pie-Hole

I confess I've been known to partake
Straight icing sans chocolate cake
I concede I shall never be lean
Pouring fudge without the ice cream

It's apparent my tool-shed doth grow
Baked cookies? Just gimmie the dough
It is rumored that I often spread
Peanut butter and jam (hold the bread)

From grandma I would often cajole
A sugar rush direct from the bowl
(Rejecting her kit for caboodle
Choosing filling minus the strudel)

I eat healthy! Want some examples?
Pay-Days contain protein that's ample
Orange Slices provide Vitamin C
Milky-Ways furnish Vitamin D

Cavities?...My molars are mature
Cholesterol?...I concur (THAT'S for sure)
Gotta change before damage is nigh
Take a walk? Um, later, Honey-Pie...


Details | Light Poetry | |

I'm Thristy

Clouds burst
   Crops thirst


Details | Lyric | |

I found a job

I found a job at last

Well, I worked hard for twenty year
For a greedy type of bloke
I pushed and pulled until me legs went weak
Then one day I felt this twinge
It ran right down me spine
So I went out, some doctors help to seek

Now I can’t sit, and I can’t walk
Can’t even wash me feet
So off I goes to see this medico
He looked me over knowingly
As if he understood!
Then said “You’re doing fine, now off you go”

So off I goes to get a job
I gave some boss a call
But when he saw the way it was for me
He said “I can’t give you a job!
You’re stuffed my boy, that’s all
Oh, don’t tell me about your misery”.

I tried for an insurance claim
They said “we know you’re kind!!
You say you’re hurt, but is this really true?
To get some money out of us
You’ll have to test our might
We deem you fit to get a job, we do”

Well now I’ve got myself a job
It’s a breeze, I must confess
I lie her licking postage stamps all day
When I said I couldn’t work
I forgot about me tongue
So now I’ve got a job, and it’s okay.


Written in 1990





Details | I do not know? | |

To the Medical Student

We bust ours
To help theirs.
Masters of the all-nighter,
Supporters of caffeine. 
Sleep is but another word,
Far less important than fascia. 
Pushing ourselves 
For that extra tenth of a grade. 
Somehow it doesn’t matter,
Those wise-second years tell us. 
The boards will level us all, 
Make our efforts worthless they say…
Our noses to our 700 pages of biochemistry,
Our pens doodling on our useless behavioral medicine books…
We ignore them, pushing on. 
Together we have arrived…
With one goal in mind…
To make tons of money and marry super models…
Err,
To bust ours,
So we can help theirs…


Details | Limerick | |

Voldemort, by contrast, was vanquished easily

Changed climate is not a surprise
With drilling for gas on the rise
Where can life forms hide
From carbon dioxide
And methane let loose in the skies?

Neo-druids auger gas wells
And add fluids with sulfurous smells! 
Are poisons they've tapped
With their magic wands trapped
Evermore by sorcerous spells? 

Votes and news seem not relevant
The unrelenting elephant
In all our best rooms
Is fossil fuel's fumes
And toxins we can't circumvent 




Details | Light Poetry | |

Walking is Good for You

I was advised that walking is healthy and good for the heart
So with new walking shoes, I figured that was a good start
I walk here, I walk there, I walk the hell everywhere
I stroll to many new places; I do say I walk with flair

I walked to the donut shop, oh what a pleasure
I walked to the pizza parlor, and tasted a slice
I walked to the local Chocolatier, and tasted many a delight
On to the liquor store, for a bottle or two
I walked up with the drunks, lined in a queue

The ice cream shop down the street, yes I walked there too
Double scoops I had, with whipped cream on top
I walked to the Burger place, their fries so so yummy
Walking home, there was the coffee shop!!!, with pastries for me tummy
Walking is wonderful, and good for the heart
But let me tell you
Tomorrow
I am driving to the gym


Notes: Well I cant always write  dark depressing poems! This was inspired by dinner at friends, and a great conversation over a bottle of wine, and for those with a wicked twisted sense of humor there is a secret not so poetic part 2 to this!!!!! You need to request!! :)


Details | Burlesque | |

The Impatient Patient

Today's true tom tale;

Today was Dr. day at the clinic
I ended up the day quite a cynic
I'd been awake three days,
With a toothache and pain that slays
My jagged teeth cutting up my tongue
And the promise of help to which I clung
For no more of this pain could I endure,
I desperately did seek some kind of cure

Appointment at 2:15- told the taxi 1:30
I knew the fib was a tad dirty...
"Hedge the bet" one might say,
Sad to think one must be that way,
Of course in this case he showed up at 1PM
And I was in the waiting room at 1:15
Fastest response I'd ever seen.

So I sat in the waiting room as
Clerical shifts came and went
My patience seemed nearly spent

At last I was escorted to an examining room,
To sit and ponder my future doom...
For over an hour I sat there,
Reading all the posters on the wall,
About various diseases,
Soon I had them all!
Cervical cancer,
Malignant volvulus,
Infected ovaries,
Fibroid tumors in my uterus,
A glumaceous gluteus,
Obstructed bowels,
Deviated septum
Leukemia,
Anemia, edemia
Enlarged prostate,
Shrunken prostate
Eczema, Lupus
Leprosy.....
All these for me!

I hoped he didn't keep me 
waiting too much longer,
Surely I wasn't getting stronger....
I'd be dead in ten more afflictions
If he could not cure all these conditions.

I felt my life force start to fade
Look at what these posters made!
Surely life was slipping away,
I couldn't stand,
I began to sway.

In he finally came,
Suddenly I did not feel
the same,
I might survive the day after all,
My approaching death grew
rather small.

Next time, bring a book,
For in terms of time,
It hardly took,
Much time to catch
All these ills,
Or at least come in,
With made out wills.


Details | Free verse | |

Important Safety Information

Like all prescription Coulrophobias, CLOWNS may increase the chance of heart disease 
or risk factors for it, such as high blood pressure of when clowns are seen for long 
periods.

CLOWNS should not be seen right before or after certain heart surgeries.

Serious skin reactions or stomach and intestine problems such as colourful bleeding and 
humorous ulcers, can occur without warning and may cause animal balloons. Elderly 
patients and those taking cotton candy are at increased risk for stomach bleeding and 
ulcers.

Tell your doctor if you have: a history of passing out at the circus, fleeing from mascots 
or kidney and liver problems. CLOWNS should not be seen in late pregnancy.

Do not see CLOWNS if you’ve had an asthma attack, hives or other allergic reactions to 
bad magic tricks or any other Coulrophobia medicine or drugs called red nose.

Life threatening allergic reactions can occur with CLOWNS. Get help right way if you’ve 
had swelling of the face or trouble breathing.

Prescription CLOWNS should be seen exactly as prescribed at the lowest dose possible 
and for the shortest time needed.


Details | Epigram | |

Than-Bauk-THE COFFEE LOVER IN ME

Coffee's my lot,
a big pot calms
a nut like me! 

Is it the drink
that my sink hates?
Stains stick like paint!

I write and drink,
when the ink stops...
thoughts shrink and fade!


Details | Limerick | |

Slow Golf

Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
     we offered them beer,
     later we found cheer--
 they stepped aside to let it outflow.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Doctor Is A Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent
That only worked in his men’s store.
He had ‘clothing ESP’.
He knew what his customers wanted…and more.

When customer would come into his store
Bob would invariably say, 
“Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

And he was always right,
Never missed a color, fabric, style or size.
He even knew the necessary alterations.
Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes.

Meanwhile, in another part of town,
Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine
For every minute for more than five years,
It had driven him near insane.

He’d lost his job to the pain.
Then, he lost his wife.
He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept.
Yes, his was a miserable life.

And, of course,  sex was out of the question…
Even a little self-abuse.
There was nothing left for Joe but pain.
He felt his life was of no use.

So, Joe went to his doctor.
“Doc, please help me end this pain.
Give me something to make me sleep
And never wake up again.”

“You know I can’t assist your suicide.”,
Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed.
“I never dreamed it would last five years,
But I know how to end the pain.”

“You can make it go away?!
Tell me, Doc!  What’s the word?”
“I’ll have to remove your testicles.”
Was the last thing that Joe heard.

But…when he came to, it struck him.
Sex was out of the question anyway;
But he might enjoy his meals again,
And he could sleep for days.

“Please check me in, Doc.
This opportunity I cannot shirk.”
So, the doctor removed his testicles.
He did his very best work.

A few days later, Joe waddled along,
Headache free and feeling pretty nice;
But every attractive woman he saw 
Reminded him of his sacrifice.

He decided it was appropriate
To do something nice for himself for a change.
So, he went into a travel agency;
And a six month cruise he arranged.

As he left the travel agency,
He was excited, feeling ready to go;
But for such a glorious adventure,
He would need new clothes.

As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store.
He walked in, only to hear Bob say,
“Hello.  I’m Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

“How could you know?” asked Joe.
“It’s a gift.  I don’t know how, but I do.
You’ve suffered five years with an ailment,
Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” 

Joe could not believe his ears.
How could this stranger possibly know?
"You're right! That's amazing!
And I'm going to need new clothes." 

Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe
All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size.
Joe was incredibly impressed.
He could hardly believe his ears and eyes.

“How do you like the wardrobe?”
“It’s wonderful!”  Bob could see that Joe was pleased.
“Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments;
You know…shorts and tees?

Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton.
I believe that you prefer white….
And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s.
Yes, I'm sure that’s right.”

Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent
And I just this second realized,
You've laid out this entire wardrobe
And only missed one size.”

Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really?
What did I miss?  I did my best for you.”
“Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys,
But…well…I wear 32s.

“Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace.
“That would be a serious mistake.
Thirty-twos would be too small, 
They would cramp your balls.
You’ll get migraine headaches.”


Details | Haiku | |

Dancing Angels

Angels in heaven
Dancing on a small puddle
Always stay afloat


Details | Epigram | |

Sign Of Their Profession..

Physicians
magicians
who work wonders with a pill.
They diagnose
prescribe the dose
and then you get the bill.


Details | Free verse | |

all my life I ate bad things

all my life 
I ate 
bad things

I have made a resolution 
never to put bad things 
in my mouth again

each day
I now find myself 
having to redefine

what is
a 
bad thing


Details | Rhyme | |

I Go Where My Feet Take Me

......................................................................................................................................

I love my feet they are the best,
To take me on untraveled paths.
They tramp along with little rest,
Until I’m panting shallow breaths.

Making tracks across the countryside,
They lead the way while I just follow.
Not content with trucks or cars to ride,
They walk until my legs become as Jell-O.

It’s my feet that often guides the way,
And leaves me tired and well expended.
Then, it’s not always nice the words I say,
When the day of rambling trails has ended.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my feet,
They lead me out in early morning sunrise.
It’s because of them that I and nature meet,
And while they touch the earth, my spirit flies.

......................................................................................................................................


Details | Limerick | |

There Once Was A Young Boy Called Tim

There once was a young boy called Tim,
Who decided the Mersey to swim,
Got in to his knees,
But started to freeze,
So decided it wasn't for him!


Details | Limerick | |

Brown Bag Lunch

A patient came out of the patient's room
Into the doctor's office lobby zoom
A brown paper bag
Held in his hand sag
Declared, "I'll share my lunch" with loud boom  

My husband with humorous thought said
They go good with salad and no bread
The patient then spoke
Croutons atop bloke
Laughter and  twinkle between unsaid 

At least he had a sense of humor..
When they weighted me I came
back out and told my husband
I just found out that I am way too
short..


Details | Couplet | |

Fries And Burgers



Feeling kinda cruddy, yup, that's the word Too many fries, too many burgs When will I learn I can't handle that stuff Stomach rebels, starts causing a fuss Once could eat nails and all kinds of gunk Now I eat mush and ground up junk My teeth are all gone, can't chew anymore Things go down whole, my tummy gets sore So such is the life of this senior type dude Head for the washroom, each time I eat food Food disappears like famous greased lightning Or I sit there for hours, really quite frightening Irregularity's my name, I'm Irreg for short Hope an operation, I don't have to resort An artificial esophagus transplanted in me So I can go regular like it once used to be Oh for the days when I could eat all that junk Those days are gone, who woulda thunk That one day I'd be eating my morning cereal Laced with Metamucil or some such material! © Jack Ellison 2012


Details | Rhyme | |

Roast Dinner Sin

The smell is good
Just look at the pud
Gammon, Turkey and Beef
Life’s turned over a new leaf
A few balls of stuffing
They aint made of nuffing
Many calories they carry
It’s the sausages I want to marry
Grease torpedoes and crispy potatoes
We know where all that goes
Straight to the hips
For some taste bud kicks
Oh well
Diet go to hell.


Details | Rhyme | |

When I Was Sick

The Land Of Counterpane
Written by: Robert Louis Steveson

"When I was sick and lay a- bed
I had two pillows at my head
All my toys beside me lay
To keep me happy all the day"...Quoted..Robert Louis Stevenson

When I  Was Sick 
By Sara Kendrick

If I have missed reading you lines
Or failed to comment all the time
I have been blowing nose
And coughing crud and my breathing doesn't flow...  
I sound like the evening whistle
When it is about out of steam
A wheeze so loud it messes up my dreams
Maybe in a day or two
I will be able to get back to you


Details | Rhyme | |

Creaky Bones


Creaky bones, I must be getting old. Creaky bones, But I will not be told. Creaky bones, Those stairs are hard to climb. Creaky bones, I will not moan and whine. Creaky bones, Bending to tie up shoes. Creaky bones, Waiting in those long queues. Creaky bones, Once young, now aging fast. Creaky bones, Soon I’ll have that free bus pass. Creaky bones.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Poetic PRESCRIPTION:

                               NO REFILLS---Dr. P. Soupenstein
                               Rx *7563287      BEC 11/11/11      
Seems to me,
what you need 
for healing this condition...
is something real
you can feel
to ease this mean affliction

Patient please
accept from me
this poetry prescription:

      ( <_____PUSH & TURN_____> )

Take ONE positive poem
Read ORALLY 2 times BY MOUTH -----
Every 4-6 HOURS AS NEEDED for the pain 

Blues and belly aches will dissipate
resulting in healthy energy gains 

                  WARNING!!!
-Alcohol may intensify the effect of being drowsy 
attempting to read while operating machines... 
will cause you to drive lousy.


Details | Rondeau Redouble | |

Goodbye Johnny Walker

Goodbye Johnny Walker
Joanna Davis


I swear I’m in a nightmare
I know it’s some bad dream
this craving for the deadly juice
is nothing new it seems
Our life is one long quarrel, 
a battle no one can win
Am I paying a kind of penance,
for some past life of sin?
I won’t put up with this forever
the smell or wavering gait,
If I stay with you much longer,
I’ll surely be tempting my fate
A soul that’s soaked with liquor,
with breath to ignite a match
But your handsome looks so deceiving
I naively believed you a catch!
You’ll promise it’s the last time,
say you’re done… that it’s the end!
But in me you see a nagging wife,
while in the bottle - a comforting friend
Tell me exactly how, I can win,
or compete with something so pure?
What kind of psychological jargon,
would even up the score?
This demon is so elusive,
someone, somewhere, please advise me
What spirits will finally convince you
to seek your desired sobriety!



Details | Senryu | |

Quit Running

mom say's
quit running !!!!
  {walk}


Details | Rhyme | |

Seemed Like A Routine Day

Being a nurse I had a good understanding of medications for pain, Explained to my Obstetrician I wanted everything, I was not insane, This was my first baby and being in healthcare had very few perks, I’d be given an epidural when the time came, but not by any jerks. Worked full-time then started maternity leave 2 weeks before my due date, Of course I sat at home for another 5 weeks, oh my first baby was really late. I read every book in the library and cleaned my house more than one time, Everyday the neighbours would drop by, I was tired of the door bell chime. Walked into the hospital to have a non-stress test, done every other day, My doctor laid his hand on me and asked “how long have you been this way” I replied “ for about 11 months, you should know you’ve seen me every week” He firmly instructed the nurse to call my home, for my husband they must seek. My husband knowing my test was routine, had driven to town to go to the Gym, What is that you say dear doctor, “I’m fully dilated, I’m soon going to be slim” Well first I’ll I just zip home to grab my luggage and I promise I just zoooom, What’s that- “I’m bypassing the labour and going straight to the delivery room” So I hopped onto the table, took deep breaths and put my feet in the snare When finally my dear husband arrived ~ with more than five minutes to spare “It’s a beautiful girl with dark hair, 8 lbs 7 oz ” I heard the delivery room nurse say, My love has never been stronger, my greatest moment, our most memorable day. Written by Lee Ramage October 6, 2011 For Frank Herrera’s contest “One Stand Out Day” Won 4th place


Details | Limerick | |

Iths The Cold And Flu Theason

My nothe ith sthopped up and I can't respthire

   My lungths are congeshted and all afire

      My eyeths are rheumy and red

         Perthspiration floods my bed

             Merthy Lord! I think I'm gonna exthpire

       

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Righths Retherved

First Place in Gwendolyn's " The Sneezing Limerick" Contest - January 2012


Details | Haiku | |

Just Do It

<                                   silent explosion 
                             between puckered weary legs ...
                                     spandex dialogue



                                                                       
                                    
                                                                                                                                           
 Entry For Poet Destroyer's
Pooping Contest {Don't Ask To Go To The Bathroom}


Details | Rhyme | |

What to do if a dog bites

I was running from the man

Or the cops if you please

 I hopped over a fence

Landed funny, scraped my knee

 

Looked around and saw a shack

Hoped for comfort and ease

Like a hooker in church

Sweating on her knees

 

Peered into that shack

What a shock and surprise

Head like Mount Rushmore

We were lookin eye to eye

 

Started running for my life

Jesse Owens be proud

Dog snapping on my leg

Not a bark ,not a sound

 

Almost made it to the fence

With his teeth on my ass

Like a student in school

Was hoping for a pass

 

Had my back to the fence

Was looking for a stick

That dog drew  first blood

Stream of red like Moby Dick

 


The end of the story

Had been lookin for fun

Searching for my phone

Called K911


Details | Limerick | |

The astonishing disappearing act

Proctologists need to write when 
A prescription's called for big ben 
But a doctor equipped
With thermometer quipped
An asshole's walked off with my pen


Details | Sonnet | |

Addiction and Withdraw

Keep your liquor and your meth cigarettes;
stow away your needles and white powder.
My mind craves stimulation without sweats
caused by vices others choose for regrets.

Give me words, inky scrawl across a page,
the fluid cadence of a verbal dance
freeing the psyche from an iron cage
imprisoned by a mundane daily trance.

Prohibit fresh diction to discover
the foul temper that lies within my breast.
Prevent access to verse and uncover
an exhausted maudlin beast is expressed.

I get my fix within a library.
It’s cheap to be hooked onto poetry.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Check up Time

One of my Trolls got a toothache, and I suddenly began to realize, so wise…
No one had had a checkup, since they had come to be with us, poor guys! 
Now this proposed a question…Where to go, to a Doctor, Dentist, or a Vet?
Yes, for Dragon, definitely a vet! But who’d be crazy enough, to be so beset?

For the Trolls, that didn’t seem quite right, so we continued to look, farther yet.
But even Grandpa Troll, who is so old and wise, didn’t know, whom we should get.
We looked on the worldwide web, where a Doctor said; we could come, right away!
His name was Dr. Frankenstein, ‘Sorry, we can’t make it, exactly, now, ah… today!’

Transylvania is too far to go, we said, as we slowly, and quietly slipped, off line!
We finally went to our neighbor witch, yes, again! Just to see, whom she’d assign.
She said it’d have to be from the magic folk, we were going about this, all wrong.
She found an earth mother witch, dealing in fairy folk and such, where we belong.

Yes, she was a well-known Doctor, but also a powerful practicing witch.
Apparently, she had found her niche, and we had found our Doctor witch!
So we called her up right away, and she promised to see us all, at once.
I said they were my dependants, you see, but money was not, in abundance.

She just waved her hand gently, and my insurance suddenly had, a paying clause.
She used bunnies to keep the Trolls, happy and rather mesmerized, for the cause.
And Dragon got a rolling chair, to keep him busy sliding, across the floor, zoom!
With each check up, came the same routine, as they came into the exam room.

As they looked around, she froze them with her wand, no muss, no fuss, for sure!
None of them remembered a single thing, as she had such, a gentle Touch, I assure!
The tooth was fixed with the snap of her fingers, this was truly amazing stuff…
She said we were doing great, for a brood like this, can be full of, painful mischief.

In fact, I was the first, human she’d known, who could deal with a young Dragon. 
And still be alive to tell… I told her it was technology, a fire retardant suit, and fun.
That made her laugh hysterically, as she then smiled, and she patted me on the back.
It made me begin to wonder… Is there some thing I don’t know about… yet?


Details | Rhyme | |

Boredom Waiting In Doctor's Office

My husband gets very impatient waiting so I told him to write a poem:

On a farm there was a donkey
Who's feet had a scent that was funky
Because he had stepped in something chunky
                        By: The Reverend T.

This is my response:

Out of boredom he wrote a verse
In frustration it was very terse
Of course, he did not want to curse
So he used words that were worse

Now he's pacing the floor
Standing right in front of the door  (Not true, just needed to be busy)
Nurse tries to enter in a rush
Open door sets him on his tursh


Details | Dodoitsu | |

Yellow Belly

<                                            Yellow Belly !


                                     Bees, Bees, the dancing machines
                                     Polinatators that bite me
                                     Gift biogenic amines
                                     How you make me swell

                                     Yellow belly tarnations
                                     Clinging Clanging to butt's cheek
                                     Cursing swating and shooing
                                     To sting destroyer



  * Story:    A yellow belly flew into cars window and landed on seat and of course 
                        I had to be the one to roll on it and get stung in butt lol



Written by 
Katherine Stella 4/8/12

Entry for
Linda Marie's
Bite Me Contest 
G.L. All

I Bite 
Destroyer-Poet LOL


Details | I do not know? | |

Softer Toilet Paper

In this bathroom of Dr. Heath's,
The tissues so tough you grit your teeth.

No soft toilet paper anywhere to be found,
By the time you get through, how does Charmin sound?

You wipe with sandpaper til you bleed,
Soft toilet paper your bottom will need.

In this kit, relief  you will find
From toilet that is much more kind!


Details | I do not know? | |

FoooUR!

tap tap…
Driver.
Settle up
I do believe
A Dr…
has engaged
the sun.
You
of time
Draw a space
of One… but
Yes.terd.ays gone?
”...Ms.Daisy…”

It’s me dear
Model t
Rear seat
Engine
driving me
crank shaft
belts a craft
ranks par for
a party.
Ever Tsu.
nam.me.in.me
thoughts of a
bonding
similarity
Oh Dear…
A Storm
I do hope
In it’s
Complexity
Simply starts
to simplify me…

as I ramble
I might just be…
a ;plAce talking
your way.
Are we lost?
Honey?


Details | Rhyme | |

ICKY, YUCKY, SUCKY

ICKY, SUCKY, YUCKY
???????????????

wheezing, sneezing; allergy in my throat darn green mucus pasted in my hair, steroids tumbling down on chest and “no- bath -for -days” anywhere! mites and dust in rinsed fingernails fever flushing through these dead toes, and whacking sinus drips much yuckier floating from my from dry , red nose! emergency rooms now daily visits for me oxygen masks, x-rays and tests for clean piss , yipers, my new honey's coming around to check this surely sucks, don’t wanna be kissed!! :< :< :< :< © righths by author *Egad! If my allergy doesn’ clear up, hafta be confined , really! …Sucks! Nancy Jones’ Things that Suck Contest By: allergy monster—nette


Details | Footle | |

Valentine Chocolate And The Diabetic

Some fudge Begrudge
Covet You bet
Sponsor: Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen Contest:Valentine Footles


Details | I do not know? | |

The Waiting Room

These chairs are uncomfortable
probably designed for that one purpose.

Those around me make no attempt
to acknowledge my existence
as if I am the product of their illness.

These chairs are uncomfortable
I wonder if they feel the same.

The wait is long
two hours past
my appointment time.

I would be angry
except all my emotion
is focused on this chair.

I watch as those around me
come and go
I am still ignored
this chair now unbearable.

Finally
I am called
I stand
I feel instant relief
I am happy to be out
of that uncomfortable chair.

I enter the office
my mood elevated
ecstatic to be seen
my greeting
no anger or despair
simply
"Good afternoon, Doctor."

Into my test
that one
I put off for so long
that dreaded Prostate Exam
my mind reverts
so not to feel any pain
I think of that damn chair
probably designed
for that one purpose.


Details | Quatrain | |

A Little Riddle


Ah yes, ‘tis such a pleasure
to those who know the lack of it it.
A relief beyond measure,
to those who have the knack of it.

It’s timing can often be hilarious,
though company may frown on it,
because it’s considered nefarious,
And the uppity class is down on it.

An action most taken for granted,
It’s importance unheeded.
It’s social acceptance is slanted,
though medically needed.

Just one hint and we’re back to the start
In public it’s worse than a slurp,
Now don’t put the horse after the cart,
I’m talking about a … burp.




I


Details | Limerick | |

Migraine

There's a little green man in my head,
With a hammer that's made out of lead,
He bangs day and night,
Just so that he might,
Make sure all my brain cells are dead!


Details | Tanka | |

Nice Breakfast (Tanka)

this breakfast is nice, 
bacon, eggs, toast on the side 
black coffee to taste 

not one drop going to waste 
yum, yum, me and my tum, tum!


Details | Limerick | |

I'm Cuckoo For Coco Puffs

<                      once was an  cuckoo bird named Sonny
                         tagging along gramps as first  gunny
                               shooting up cereal bowls
                     with dark puffs @@@ nice ~ and ~ slow
                            Oh how trix rabbit did so runny  






Entry For Poets Destroyer 's
Your Favorite Cereal Limerick
GL All                                  


Details | Rhyme | |

Geez Louise sneeze Louise Geez sneeze

Louise would you please,
Sneeze in your elbows sleeves.
Geez Louise, don’t even wheeze.
Louise, seize it at the knees.
Louise do not sneeze a breeze.
Be at ease, no spreading disease.
Louise your body has the keys.
Maybe you’re allergic to bees.
Please Louise, stay still; freeze.
Louise, you are blowing cheese.
Louise, be careful with these.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Eyeball on Fifty Something

Despite the wealth of creams applied Old Father Time won't be denied And as that watershed appears I can't complain at fifty years Though just one thing for which I pray To throw those blessed specs away! The years drift by and eyes grow dim The fight to keep the body trim It really is a bitter pill They say from now it's all down hill You'll understand then when I say Just let me throw those specs away! Fountain of youth it runneth dry And sight recedeth in my eye No cup of bounty runneth over No wonder; I'm one more year older And still the thing for which I pray To throw those blessed specs away! But wait, I think I've seen the light Illuminating, out of sight No more my hopes and dreams for nought There is a way if I can sort The thing for which I daily pray: To throw those blessed specs away! Tt's thanks to innovations new I'll soon be known as "Chic Cool Sue” I owe it all to new technology To change my world of Ophthamology So now with certainty I say Just throw those blessed specs away! Today's the day I must be mental Why didn't I opt for sentimental? A Chinese, or a shopping spree I might have missed ‘Buy Get one Free’ But always it was what I'd pray To throw those blessed specs away! What have I done, my friends were right I'm in a mess, I'm numb with fright I had a dream, ‘twas “ Handy Andy" Promising a job just dandy He said "Ill do it cheap today". I’ve changed my mind; the specs can stay. But, No! I've courage I’ll go on I'm not a quitter, I'll be strong I may wake full of blurred confusion Wondering if it's just illusion Or really is that epic day I finally throw my specs away!


Details | Rhyme | |

Flowing Creek Water

Since the rain graced our little creek,
Running whooshing liquid fills crevices
Of rocks, pebbles then babbles squeak.
Racing surging constantly balances

Cadences of rhythm causes gurlging.
The poetic quality calms relaxes.
Lapping kisses caress stones~no pounding.
Calming tranquil scene heart rhythm fixes.

Ameliorate health; opens wide heart
To nature_ and wonder of soothing
Sounds~creek's gushing words of art
Relaxing mind__accommodating 


Details | Rhyme | |

I'm Getting Ready for Vacation

There's a treadmill in the corner of the room
Gathering dust, gathering dust.
I must get my fat ass on  it very soon,
Yes I must, yes I must.

This time my New Year's resolution
I won't break, I won't break.
I'll get into the rhythm and the motion
Till I ache, till I ache.

I need to drop a couple more pounds ... like fifty,
Yes I do, yes I do.
To get back into shape and looking nifty,
But forty would do, forty would do.

There's a treadmill in the corner of the room
Gathering dust, gathering dust.
I need to fit into a swimsuit real soon,
Yes I must, it's Mexico or bust.



for Carolyn's "New Year's Resolutions" contest


Details | Haiku | |

The Dream

I had a good dream
I wanted to remember
Could not remember

Good dream so I thought
Took an internet dream course
Now remembering

My memory came
Somethings are best left alone
Scared me to death


Details | Free verse | |

Pills

Now when I was a young man 
I didn’t need pills everything worked
I wasn’t a fan 

But now that I'm old 
I need pills everyday 
One to lower my blood pressure 
Another to keep the cholesterol away 

Now I have a new one 
To keep my mind straight 
And because of this 
I can’t ejaculate 

It’s good for an old man to stay hard for so long 
But even for that 
I need a pill for that schlong

I wonder whats next in the pill world for me 
Maybe a pill 
So I can pee 

They gave me holder to keep my pills all arranged 
But keeping them straight 
Is making me deranged 

I need a pill to tell me what pill and when 
Because for the life of me 
I forget now and then 

I can’t tell the difference between the colors of each  
If I take the wrong one 
I have a hard on and no speech 

Now all these little pills 
Cost a pile of bills 
Which causes me 
Lots of stress and ill 

No more pills thank you 
I’ve had my fill 

Eric (and always will be)  
 


Details | Free verse | |

Naked holes.

Imagine a life without holes.
An unstable world,a round figure of nothing.
A straight line,smells like ptomaine.
Holes are everywhere,white and black,
polychromatic,pretty and ugly.
Holes that you may fill,other you may not.
They can think,memorize,imagine.
Emotional holes,logical,positional,
in a chessboard,a second before a knight arrives.
Holes in my body,in your body,his or her,
screaming for pleasure,with or without morals.
Living there,breathe,judge the way you treat them.
A hole can kill you,can make you suffer.
They are in brains,in hearts.
In great losses.
When out of nowhere they are born,proud,
captivated eventually,died full of years.
Significant holes,in maps,in history.
They feed on hopes,feelings,aspirations,
organic,inorganic matters.
Holes reborn,only looked at us.
Naked.


Details | Ballad | |

THE WISHING WELL OF A SUN-RISE,

It is...within the tiny things of early morning, that moment breaths alive, it is within the tiny whisperings, that a melodye plays...like the very dear and the antelope, play home on the range.

so goes the melodye of heart beat, that plays quietly the songs of soul,

here a rhyme is born of day-light coming so soon, through the early morning eyes of the moon-light, and the starry dreams of twilight's transitioning...

into the light of a love letter written to dawn.

soul to soul conversing, as in this love letter, the letters just join hands with the words and just march across the sky...and at the end of the rainbow, there be plenty of golden time,

way down deep on the inside,

...as the inspired choir, of a bumble bee, or a butterfly, starts to sing, like tiny things that live,

flower to flower,
blossom to bloom,

watered and deeply cared for...

O' Eden.

I say, deep beneath the surface of a wishing well...where the pennies lay,

I wish a sun-rise.








Details | Couplet | |

Valentine Romance

Valentines day is always something special to me, I explained. 
So I planned a romantic evening and got ready for my campaign.
The children were at a sleepover with their favorite friends they adore.
So I met my hubby as he came in, accidentally tripping and making him hit the door.
Thank God his head is hard as he hit that, the nearby TV, but very little more.
I made Cherries Jubilee as a snack while he sat there with an ice pack to his head. 
But before I knew it, I’d knocked it over and almost burned down the house instead.
When he finally put the fire extinguisher away…
I got up and got some of the kids’ apple tarts I had made. 
He bit in deep and burned his mouth, declaring he wasn’t hungry and the pain would fade.
Next he decided to go upstairs, but I had put rose petals down everywhere in spades.
And yes you probably guessed it… he slipped and ended up needing a little aide.
At this he decided to take an aspirin and lay down upon the couch. OH  HHWell…
But I knew the rest needed to happen above, to totally create this romantic spell…
I had to get him to the candles and bubble bath, where my romantic dreams still dwelled. 
So I got out some scarves and danced toward him, tying up his hands before he fell.
He never knew what hit him as he was lassoed and gently bounced up the stairs.
I guess I wouldn’t have had to tie his feet… a few words would have done as well.
But you know me when I get going, my mind tends to lose a few brain cells…
He was flustered, exhausted and bruised when he got there, but he’s made of the right stuff.
Though as I took off the scarves, he flopped on the bed pulling the covers over his head kind of rough.
He said he loved me, but living with me could be kind of tough.
He said it was better to leave it to him, for the romantic endeavors and such.
He said he had reservations and play tickets in his shirt pocket for later on that night.
But what he needed now was some aspirin and a few moments of quiet respite. 
So with a sigh he started snoring, and my romantic dreams were momentarily crushed.
I dearly love the man you know. But, do you think maybe I tried too much?


Details | Rhyme | |

Ode to Charlie Sheen: Bi-Winning

   -   Normally I don’t mess with email requests;
      but times are a-changin’ and I’m rearrangin’. -

          (As noted by all this distress, 
             the story we wish we‘d see less)

                  Titled: 
“The Train Wreck of Charlie Sheen;”

The public seems a little bitter; 
As he rambles his rants on Twitter,
Social network scenes, all the magazines; 
And he’s still rollin’ in dough, like we’ve never seen.

Any news is good news…so they say;
He’s gonna relapse anyway;
So at least he’s getting high, and making pay.

Everyone’s glued to their TV and internet devices,
But the best thing to do, believe me, is ignore him and his vices.  
He feeds financially and emotionally, off you and me
So leave Charlie alone! Just let him be…




Details | Bio | |

Situational Stress





           -------=(:-)'s...------OUCH!



You are locked down in the house and the Police
Has got the house surrounded. You need a cigarett...
This is an no smoking area...you need a cigarette...


Option: What would you do?

1. See if you can have a last smoke?

2.  See if you can maybe..bum a smoke off
     one of the cops'....

3.  Go outside and see if you can find that
     cigarett butt. The one that you left before...
     You had to dropped...running from the Police..

4.  Call the whole thing off....

5.  Quit smoking all together!

                       GF


********Thoughts' on the subject*******

You should always' think TWICE and Act once....!


Details | Rhyme | |

When you have MS

When you have MS, you just never know
You may have bad days, that’s how it can go.

Sometimes I will stumble, or take a fall
Things move in the house, especially the wall.

Trip over nothing, Sometimes there are glares
I hate when I fall, going up all those stairs.

I have left my house, with the candles lit
When I come back home, I throw quite a fit.

How could I do that, I thought they were out
I beat myself up, and begin to shout.

I’ve gone out to lunch, the oven is hot
Where is our dinner? Oh crap, I forgot.

The pan on the stove, I’m ready to cook
But I walk away, and start a good book.

Calendars I use, I have two in fact
Appointments I have, and I must keep track.

There’s a problem though, I forget to look
So I write things down, even in my book.

I ask the same thing, my kids tell me so
I just say to them, I just want to know.

My side vision gone, on curbs I would hop
“Mom a car’s coming, please stay at the stop.”

My kids say they’ll help, they’ll give me a class
Teaching maneuvers, so that I will pass.

But if I don’t pass, as they both chuckle
Get into their car, make sure I buckle.

Don’t feel sorry, and no need to curse
There’s many people, who have it much worse.

Always remember, when things seem bluer
Lift up your spirits, by using humor.


Details | Free verse | |

marking time....to my friends on poetry soup.- the Lord helped me fight death and won.

i don't want to be just marking

time.  i died on november 20,

2008, during surgery.  i was

on a vent when i awakened 

december 2, 2008....my sisters'

birthday. what made me llive

i'll never know.  i know there

are things to do on this side

of death.



i have no time for marking time.

i have a stupid bag hanging from

my side now.  i am supposed to

"get comfortable with it".  well

that was a laugh.

that was a laugh until i thought

of the people that had these

things with no hope of ever

getting away from them.



i am so lucky.  14 days i laid

on a vent, then 22 more.

i came home 3 days, 



then 


i had
great pain in my chest...
.
well this is great i said,

a pulmonary emboli, 15 more

days, three days home.



then back to e.r. blood pressure

too high.  this bought me 

4 more days in e.r.



i am home now and finally 

have spent 19 days home.

i feel every pain and i feel

every time that i feel good



yes, i am never marking

time again.....there is

something about fighting

for your life and your sanity

that straightens things out.



i don't recommend it but

i wish i could let your hearts

know what i know.

janetta


Details | Senryu | |

You Are My Sunshine

<                             covered chocolate
                       bursting ......  cherry implosions
                               over pallets tongue


                                                            
                           
                                a bit of sunshine
                         waiting for the right peeler ....
                             orange ya glad its you


Details | Narrative | |

The Poop of Life

THE POOP OF LIFE The poop word is a replacement For the other four letter word You know the one that means poop The one you have most likely heard There is a lot of poop in our life That is really like our body poop Both are really a necessity for living Let me give you the comparison scoop The type of food taken in your body Or what is fed into your life for you Will certainly determine precisely What type of poop you’re getting in to If you let the poop get all built up You tend to want to push and strain In hopes to hurry and force it out That can only cause cramps and pain Slow down and take a deep breath It really is always best to just relax The more you try to lighten up yourself The easier it will be for the poop to pass It’s time to worry if you have no poop Or if you just can’t get that poop out Keep it fresh and make room for more It feels great when it is all cleaned out A stall full of poop has the best worker As Proverbs 14:4 suggestively does say So a good worker does poop a lot Please don’t let it pile up for days No one wants to step in your poop Or even wants to see it for that matter We need to clean up our own poop Every little particle or a tiny splatter It is important to remember To always wipe twice It’s like double checking And it’s really the best advice If the same old poop is left Just every where lying around It only attracts the flies and scum Those pests from every part of town At times there may be a lot Of just stinky hot air Then sometimes you get The real poop coming there There are many different types Of shapes, sizes and textures With the daily poop we’re given The variety of life is measured I could probably go on and on Even you may think of more, I know So I’ll leave you with this one last note Try not to get caught in deep poop though Florence McMillian (Flo)


Details | Limerick | |

Will Power


This morning my weekly weigh-in was due
I screamed, surely it just couldn't be true
I tried not to cheat
But oh.. something sweet
Out the window my damned will power flew


Details | Haiku | |

Achoo Haiku

    Achoo Haiku

Cold swift river

Sneezes on the lotus shore

Take 2 aspirin


Details | Haiku | |

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I loathe sleepless nights!!

Eyes itchy, open
Red and heavy. Limbs like weights.
Insommnia stinks...


Details | Limerick | |

Looking For Good Doctor

From suffering man was now free
His doctor held answer you see
Though doctor will claim
That he’s not the blame
The heart attack came with his fee


Details | Sonnet | |

My Love Affair with Poetry

Nights when I’m alone,
Icy wind flittering through the window,
The absent warmth of love echoing in my empty room,
I have frequent love affairs with poetry.
Its pulsating words gush themselves out on the white blank page,
It caresses my every emotion,
Sending me reeling through a torrent of multiple ecstasy,
I scream with release as every unhinged secret is documented rhythmically, 
After, subdued by unthinkable shame,
I stash it away with the refreshing slide of a closed drawer,
I light up a cigarette and lie within the sheets like a film star,
I am who I choose to be,
Husband rings, why don’t I answer the phone?
I’m having an affair with poetry. 


Details | Free verse | |

The Grace To Grow

The Grace To Grow

Through peril in its intact 
We have every reason by which to over react
The Grace to grow;
Many a shoulder to cry inflate the ego

Through our hard stance with fate
We lock our doors & protect out faith
In long lines at the store lest I emplore
Shades of trim left for me to begin

In oscillating ivory towers a man from Mars
The Grace to grow
From a little seed next the full grain blown to harvest once again
We can plant a seed deep enough through troubled waters come among

Shades of gems crimsome with rubbies
The cedar as a way of illumination
Perhaps I'm in need of a break on some long awaited vacation?
The Grace to grow



Details | Free verse | |

Slam/free verse/for PD

Talking 'bout surgery
Making my skin crawl
muscle spasms, pain and more pain
Who's talking 'bout surgery?

Read all you can and make the right choice
Believe me it gets worse before it gets better
Talking 'bout surgery
Muscle spasms, stiff neck and pain

The surgeon is smiling all the way to the bank
I'm crying and wishing I was dying
Looks like I have been in a street fight
Talking 'bout surgery!

Wake vomiting and bruises --where?
How did that?? Happen?
I.V. line beeped all night
How's a patient to get some sleep?
Talking 'bout surgery!!

I would like to thank everone for their prayers and well wishes on my neck surgery, I am getting alittle stronger every day!! Praise Jesus!!


Details | Rhyme | |

Ear Plug


Details | Monorhyme | |

Food

A guy chomping in my face I simply cannot stand
Especially when I'm hungry--I'm gonna snatch that out of your hand!!!
Ah, for more food, I'd give up any land or man
Until I step back on that scale at home--oh, damn!!!

**inspired by that one guy eating what should have been /MY/ McDonalds hamburger... ;)


Details | Quatrain | |

Toaster Strudel Trochee

<                                       Toaster Strudel - Trochee

                                         
                                        I just crave toaster strudel
                                        Piping hot pastry
                                        Cool icing so can doodle
                                        Kellogg's bakery

                                 
                                        So get to popping me one 
                                        Time to used noodle
                                        Pop tarts boring just no fun
                                        Choose toaster strudel




Meter: 7/5/7/5 
Rhyme Scheme: a/b/c/b or a/b/a/b

The meter is trochee, which means alternating stressed and unstressed beats in each line, with each line beginning and ending in a stressed syllable. This is a simple lyrical type little poem, so rhymes will be basic, nothing fancy. The poem itself should give a description of something of interest to the poet and often the meter lends itself to humor, much as a limerick does. There is not a set number of these quatrain type stanzas, but a typical 7/5 Trochee would consist of two quatrains, with the second stanza serving to tie up the idea presented in the first stanza.


Details | Rengay | |

Seven Days To Dream Think

Seven Days To Dream Think
My week to speak exactly what I think
To sink my teeth into a thick steak that’s pink
My week to tell everyone I hate that they really stink,
To tell the crazy one’s to go tell that crap to their shrink.
My week to skate around like a
Disco superstar at a roller rink.
To walk around purring at people wearing nothing but my mink.
My week to slinky slink, slink, slink.
To show people I have a lot of kink.
My week to be famous for words of luster ink.
To give all of the handsome men a wink.
My week to have the biggest glass of wine to drink.
If only it was my week.


Details | Senryu | |

My Birthday Bones

September birthday
sticks may, stones definitely...
never throw sapphire!


For "Flowers or Stones" contest sponsored by Tracie ~*~ Indigo Dreamweaver.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Workout in Rhyme

I was on a machine
Working out – burning steam
As the “Calories Burnt” numbers grows
When this pretty young thing
Turns around – my eyes sting
As her nipples in tight t-shirt shows

Well, I drift off sometime
Lost in space – lost in mind
When this pretty young lady walks past
Then she stops and she said
Take a picture instead
Cause staring at them just won’t last

I snap out of my stare
And say “who – what – why – where”
She says “take your eyes off my breast”
Then I say “can’t you see
They are pointing at me
As even you can attest”

“I assure you I can’t
Control my nipple’s slant”
And I said “the same with my eyes”
Then she said “look away”
And what could I say
“wear t-shirts with much thicker plys”

Then I starred with a grin
From her breasts to her chin
And I knew we were destined for more
She quickly agreed
Then when we did the deed
I awoke with a start from a snore

I got up – changed my pants
To the gym – hoped to glance
The woman I saw in my dreams
This time I’ll relax
Take my eyes off her rack
And at least get her name by all means

Mdailey	6/13/11
Inspired by Joe Flach’s poem “the Workout”


Details | Light Poetry | |

Cough Drops And Applesauce

Cough Drops and applesauce 
Is what the doctor gave to me 
I don't mean to complain 
But in my side 
I feel a great big pain 
And doctors orders I'll oblige
 It is bad enough 
Every day is getting tough 
And now I am just out of luck 
Stuck with nothing but a cough 

It's been driving me insane 
Living here in all this pain 
It has made my life a very hard thing 
I really don't want to complain 
But I've been left out in the pouring rain 
And tomorrow is another day 
Same to come, same old way  


Details | Limerick | |

Limerick: shrinks, part 2

Once attending professional course
Shrinks attempted to fix mind flaws
They gorged on cocaine
But primitive brain
Has failed to achieve sacred pause


Details | Couplet | |

Modern Medicine is Nonsense

Ah, I do not and will not believe in modern medicine anymore,
it is not really modern, it is just meant to scare, that's for sure.

See, just a few years back chocolate was so bad for your heart
but lately the black variety turns out to be good it could not hurt.

I was once advised to stay off foods that are high in cholesterol
but now they say the high density type is in fact pretty acceptable.

Those smart asses told me to eat garlic because it is so good,
then last month came findings over-rating it as a health food...

which means all I ever got from making garlic as part of my diet
were body odors and stinking breaths…and that is not quite right!

Modern medicine is so fickle, just like our beloved womenfolk, 
often ordering us to jump without even first taking a quick look.

Better to just enjoy gobbling up what you find on the dining table
for life is short and them no-good doctors are just fooling us all.






Details | Rhyme | |

SPECIAL TEDDY BEAR

this magical toy was handed down to me,
by no other but my family.
yet to be recognized and told,
never to be sold.
in first sight it was mystical,
it never likes a brat.
so to it's meaning;
you shouldn't always be mean,
show that you are not easily upset,
and is always is a fair kid.
it could protect you,
will always be by your side.
calm you in the storm,
brave you through a fight.
will be there for you through thick and thin,
no matter how your destiny ends.


Details | Rhyme | |

Goddess In Training

I wade into the water that is my aquatic sun,
suited to perform miracles, refusing reprieve until work is done. 
I exist as a modern day Hercules, striving to discover my strength,
seeking beneath the surface, striving to greater lengths.
My arms tremor, causing ships to break apart, 
during my exhale, all sailors start 
to curse…
yet my grunt of thunder remains the worst.  
My legs propel me forward, though possessing not one gill,
the underwater highway provides an ongoing thrill.  
Mere mortals I glimpse at while stifling tidal waves, 
 as they struggle against the current, candidates to save.
 Their bodies act as limp seaweed, very weak
while others remain bloated buoys, struggling to seek 
a sliver of stamina, however slight, 
their sun is not yet lit, they remain in a moonless night. 
My ears discover the sirens, bursting into song-
they talk of candy sweets my appetite yeans to sail along. 
However, my orb of strength is not yet found, 
until then, I’m forbidden to go above ground. 
Below in the underworld, Hades attempts to send
fingers of flame upon me, yet my armor shall not bend.
My joints ache,
my muscles quake, 
yet the ember of faith I shall not forsake.  
Eventually, I remain erect, not on bowed knees, 
and have resisted pain’s pitiful pleas.
A son of Zeus reaches in to grasp my hand,
his grin stretching wider than the holy land.
His eyes are that of a seaweed sage, 
with a chiseled exterior only Aphrodite could have made. 
His words light my face with a single shining ray,
“You’ve completed your pool exercises for the day.
Are you ready for the gym?” he asks, hoping I should stay,
and I reply, “I’m in need of hot compresses today.”
I proceed to immerse myself in towels of steam, 
 while considering my ultimate dream
of strengthening my image, in the future I will see
the bountiful benefits of physical therapy.


Details | Burlesque | |

Sick!

I'm SICK!
The pain won't go away!
Could it be the chili dog for breakfast that I ate?

I'm SICK!
My stomach is aflame!
I feel it in my ovaries, I swear it is doomsday!

I'm SICK!
My head is a balloon!
Give me pills, give me shots, the end is coming soon!

I'm SICK!
I hear noise, what's that ruckus?
It hurts in places normally only my swimsuit touches!

I'm SICK!
Don't stand there, tapping your feet!
Call up House M.D., E.R., get Gray's Anatomy!!!

I'm SICK!
My time is drawing nigh!
Take me off the donor list, these organs here are MINE!

I'm SICK!
I'm too young for heaven!
Please, God, I can't die, I have kids and a wife, so don't take me, TAKE THEM!

I'm SICK!
Wait, what's that? Snow outside?
No school today? I Feel OK! Don't worry so much next time!


Details | Light Poetry | |

James's birthday

Happy Birthday your getting old
Never mind we will wear a blindfold
forty six aint that sore
I should know been there before
just failing sight and creeky legs
and we usually get left with the dregs
 
But hey just wait another few year
Male menopause to look forward to
mid life crisis will arrive
Flashy cars for you to drive
skin tight jeans you will wear
I'll tell heather to prepare
 
So today your birthday dont be glum
Sit and smile for what's to come
cause forty six aint that bad
Just think of it as a wee launchpad.
 
                  By Kate Mcnaughton For her wee brother James. x




Details | Light Poetry | |

Just because I'm fat

“Just because I’m fat”.

Just because I’m fat…
Doesn’t mean you are all that,
Or that I’ll do aerobics on a mat,
Hey, some fat people are cool, ya heard,
Like Big Boy, Edwin Frank Hoff, the third!

Just because I’m fat…
Doesn’t mean I want to get skinny,
It’s like my home dog Pooh bear, who’s name is Winnie,
I know one day, I can get there – I can,
And then all the chicks will praise the FAT man!

Just because I’m fat…
Doesn’t mean y’all can hate,
Because for some, fat is their fate,
All you posers, just remember one thing,
It’s never over ‘til the fat people sing!
Just because I’m fat… there’s nothing wrong with that!


Details | Rhyme | |

Cub Foods { Minnesota }

<                               
                                       Cub Foods  ~  Minnesota



                                  oh that >>> cucumber thinks hes so ..... cute

                                  lying in a  bed of ~  lettuce in his birthday ... suit

                                  along comes >>> carrot and >>> celery to ~ squawk

                                  you may ..... talk .. the .. talk  but can you .. walk ... the ....... walk

                                  just then >>> banana's prices started to ^^^ rise

                                  oh that son of an ~ mango ...... he too was suprised 

                                  nuts ~  and ~ fruits ... was to fancy his ........ plate

                                  poor ole    >>>>>  potato was just to dam ............ late

                                 




Details | Rondeau Redouble | |

Soul Food

Bagels and baguettes
Bap or fried bake,
The fruits of the flour
are easy to make

Chollah, chapatti  
Cinnamon bun
These global delights
make eating such fun

Filled with Caribbean sweet meat
like Guava jam,
Scottish smoked salmon; 
Or Danish roast ham

Add a fresh fruit salad,
 some sparkling wine
A candle, red roses and  
you’re ready to dine.



Details | Limerick | |

Bugaboo

Aches in my joints; am I just growing old?

Heat is blasting, but I’m shivering cold

     I won’t admit it

     Not for one minute

That a flu bug’s bitten and taken hold 



*For Gwen’s  “Sneezing Limerick” Contest


Details | Limerick | |

Lock Up

<                             once there was a girl locked in closet
                               dear old dad said well thats what you get
                               little did he come know
                               let out by little bro
                               but recaptured by moms fishing net 





Entry For Leighann Anderson's
Sea Of Words Contest
G.L. All                               


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

This Your Birthday

Ok! so you are not exactly
A spring chicken and you
Don't hear so good anymore
But, it is still your Birthday Day
You are not on a social decline
You are merely probably just
Rembering a little more
Than usual and if you haven't
Lost your mind or memory by now
Then you are one more day secure'
And the Lord is giving you credit
For just one more day
And think, that is remarkable
In itself!

                GF


Details | ABC | |

I'm as young as I feel

I'M AS YOUNG AS I FEEL
I'M NOT GETTING OLD. I'M AS YOUNG AS CAN BE.
THERE'S NOTHING AT ALL THE MATER WIT ME.
MY HAIR IS NOT GRAY. THERE'S A SILVERY SHINE.
MY BACK IS NOT BENT I'VE A FANCY SHAPED SPINE.
WHEN I BREATHE, I DO NOT HAVE A WHEEZE.
I HAVE FUNNY SHAPED LEGS, BUT NOT BANDY KNEES.
MY TEETH ARE NOT GONE BECAUSE THE WERE OLD.
I EAT TOO MANY SWEETS, OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.
THESE HEARING AIDS, NOT FOR DEAFNESS, I'M SURE.
THEY SAY THAT PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE.
I'M NOT GETTING SLOWER. I JUST TAKE MY TIME,
THE COLD DOESN'T GET ME. I ALWAYS FEEL FINE.
I DON'T HUFF AND PUFF MY WAY BACK FROM THE SHOP.
I DON'T GET TIRED AND DON'T HAVE TO STOP
YES, MY HAIR IS A LITTLE BIT LIGHT.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE SHAMPOO I WAS USING LAST NIGHT.
MY PULSE IS NOT DIM, IT'S JUST HARD TO FIND.
MY BONES ARE NOT BRITTLE, THERE ONE OF A KIND.
THESE ARE NOT WRINKLES, JUST MATURE SKIN.
I AM VERY WELL PROUD OF THE SHAPE I AM IN.
I'M AS FIT AS A FIDDLE, A SPRING CHICKEN STILL.
I AM NOWHERE NEAR OR OVER THE HILL.
THE GOLDEN AGE IS A LONG WAY AWAY.
UNTIL I AM READY, THATS WHERE IT CAN STAY.

BY SHIRLEY MOODY...


Details | Rhyme | |

MSN Messenger

I'm not an anti-social person, I insist.
See, I have 184 people on my contact list.
Granted only 22 of them are online
And only 3 on mobile, which is really fine.

Let's just say I enjoy the company.
And honestly 22 people is plenty.
Even though I only talk to one or two,
Besides, I haven’t got much else to do.

The thing that I enjoy the most
Is the concept of talking coast to coast.
I like the little box in a window so blue.
And the thought that someone else has one too.

I'm not an anti-social person. I'm just a teen
Sitting alone in a room. Facing a bright screen
As the hours of my life slowly tick away.
Before you know it, I've been here all day.

But I like the silence. It makes me strong.
Sometimes I break it, and play a song.
I could surf the web, find something I like.
If not I could just play Counter-Strike.

But then I stop and begin to think.
I've been sitting here all day, no food or drink.
And pretty soon I start to stink.
I don’t think I can even blink.

What if I was to go outside?
Would I succeed, if I tried?
But the web is so awesome! I laughed and I cried.
Sitting very lonely, as the planets collide.

Now I feel distraught,
Obnoxious to the clocks.
Am I really anti-social? Am I starting to rot?
Behind these bolts and locks
Lies the answer I have sought.
I think hard, holding on to my socks.
But before I could finish my thought...
Ding!
You have 1 new message in your e-mail inbox.


Details | Narrative | |

Call The Maintenance Men

  I’ve lost it. I’m exhausted.
 I can’t handle another day of these
 Auditory hallucinations. Doors creaking
Open Voices carrying around basins. 
 These days with no sleep
are starting to 
Become costly,
 to my overall health.
Wait, do I need help? 
 
      Hold up! 

 Grab a wrench!
 grab your tool belt!
We’ve got to get this girl back to 
Stellar mental health !
Wait, I’m not a machine?
I said to myself 
They said it’s okay ma’am 
We’re trained in these sorts
Of matters better than anybody else
Feeling stressed you say, take a shot
Of vodka while we take a look at you 
Right away 
A little elbow grease and your brain
Won’t be on its knees anymore 
You’ll be back on your feet in no time 
Miss, we  can’t miss with our new  
And improved stationery kits.
Just relax and you’ll improve
It’s not like you’re the only one
Going through this.


Details | Tail-rhyme | |

Strange Analysis

It sits staring blankly at me
It says come here just try and see
Helping is what I do

Come on over is only plea
Free to come, free to go sweet pea
Try it bid weight adieu

AAB,AAB, 8,8,6..8,8,6

Sponsor:Dr. Ram
Contest:


Details | Limerick | |

Dental Procedure

Once upon a time recently
To dentist went confidently
He gave huge novacaine
Suppose to ease my pain
To my heart went incidently

The dentist chiseled tooth away
I didn't want to play rest of day
The morning after~Oh! well
I'll just say, upon pain did dwell  
But money to him still will pay

Sponsor: Black-Eyed Susan
Contest: The Worst Morning After
Written Monday, July 22, 2013
One week since the procedure
and I am still having some pain..
My heart still hasn't settled completely 
either..


Details | Light Poetry | |

My Morning

I've had a busy morning, it didn't go to plan
I had to go to hospital to see a little man.
The man was sick and therefore away
He could have told me anyway.

I went to town to open an on - line account
My identity I took and the required amount.
‘I'm sorry you are here an appointment you need’
Said the smug looking cashier sat there wearing tweeds.
"Forget it "said I it’s supposed to be on line
I cant' keep coming here all of the time.

I went to a bank to pay in some cheques, 
The queue of fifteen people made me regret,
I turned tail and ran, more jobs had I to do,
I went back outside where the sky had turned blue.

I walked along looking at the beautiful leaf fall
I ended on my backside a part of it all.
My crutch hit a leaf ,then slipped with such speed 
The fall of myself, no one could impede....

I went to the electric shop to return a mini hoover,
‘Would you like the same again’ asked the really good mover.
He slipped round the counter as fast as can be,
And wiggled him bum at the girl stood next to me.

I wouldn’t have minded to much I suppose 
If he wiggled it at me, but oh what a pose.
I have leaves on my bum my hair is a all flat
I have stains on my hands from the floor where I was sat.

He took pity on me when he returned 
If you’d like your money back, that can be confirmed.
Oh yes that is nice, I would like that a lot
So the morning picked up cos the money I got.


Details | Light Poetry | |

SIlly old bag

I’m a brown paper bag and I’ve not been too well
So I went to the doctors to ask him to tell
What was this sickness and what I had got
Could it be cured, was it deadly or not
So he took out his needle, I lifted my vest
He drew off some blood for some sort of test
The results came back quickly, the doctor looked glum
He said it was fatal and passed by my mum
I told him my mum was as fit as a flea
So how could she pass this disease on to me
He said it’s conclusive, no error, no way
She’s a carrier, your mum, I’m sorry to say


Details | Rhyme | |

After The Party

He drank a sea 

Of Caribbean Rum

Under the midnight sun

Twenty-one candles

Melted into icing on

Pineapple upside-down

Now the woman in his bed

Is a stranger and his head

Is made of woodpeckers


Details | Verse | |

Pink Slime

Pink Slime, Pesticides
And chicken thighs bigger than my thighs

And we wonder why there is an increase
in learning disabilities among children today 
I say it’s because the process, that the food is processed and grown and raised, is
compromised by demand, money, greed or fame. 
I do understand that demand is high 
so we have to do somethin’

So to compete, we inject hormones into the very animal or plant that is sold for consumption
So now we eat these hormones and our bodies are stressed because of the added pesticides and  herbicides and other sh#! that’s hard to digest  

I mean what’s really the cause?
There’s more kids with disabilities today than there ever was  
I say it’s because like the story is told in the verses, that knowledge is increasing in man and the result is not what He purposed. 

Pink Slime and Pesticides..We’re eating stuff that’s been chemically grown inside…and chickens bigger than my thighs


Details | Haiku | |

Sweet Love O' Mine

I bought a burger yesterday
It was very dry like the seagull bay
I pilled a lot of ketchup on it
and still dry it remained
I was very dissappointed
as i look at the dry damned thing
I ran to the toilet
and let out a HUGE
BLEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH
As chunks of the dry burger fell out of my pie hole
Landing into the toilet
Making dookie plop noizes
I'm done


Details | Light Poetry | |

Porn star



If I could lick my genitals Just like my neighbours pet I’d film it with my camera And I’d put it on the net I’d soon be rich and famous Like a real life porno star I’d buy a great big mansion And a big expensive car A swimming pool, Jacuzzi Naked women by the score A wall hung with old masters Persian rugs upon the floor But that’s really just a dream And I’d be happy I suppose If I could lose my belly And could see my bloody toes


Details | Limerick | |

Was It Somethiggg I Said

They're quickly away from my side.
My sneezing they just can't abide.
I've blown my nose off.
Peppered them with my cough.
Now I'm here all alone on this ride! 


for ~Gwendolen~'s Sneezing Limerick contest











Details | Rhyme | |

A quick feel

I’ve set up a mammogram service
On a stall outside the bakers
Been sitting ‘ere for hours
But I aint not ‘ad no takers
I can’t understand their reluctance
‘cause, it only takes a minute
To put my hand inside their bra
To check what they keep in it 
Now this simple operation
Could put their minds to rest
If only they would let me ‘ave
A quick feel of their breast


Details | Haiku | |

NFL Golden Child Injured


Finished before start Colts fans leap from Bandwagon Peyton Manning's hurt


Details | Free verse | |

Zulu Dawn

When you first hear those fateful words
It hits you like a thunderbolt
Although totally expected
The blood still drains from your face
You sit, disbelieving, shocked, numb
Not quite able to take it in
You ask the usual questions
How long have I got, will it hurt
Is there nothing that can be done
But you know, way down, deep inside
This is it, the end is in sight
The day you dreaded is finally here
That rock and roll lifestyle of old
Has come back to bite your backside
So you ask the only question
That matters to you any more
“Will I be able to eat nuts,
Once the dentures are in, I mean?”


Details | Light Poetry | |

Drinking from the Baby Bottle

Holidays come and holidays go, but the grocery store is a war zone.
You got to get there fast… or Honey you’re just plain out of luck!
My diabetic hubby drinks caffeine free diet soda and what luck…
You know the ones he takes to work... Only the little bottles are left…
I knew I was truly sunk when the 3rd store was just the same.
So as lunch came around, my manly man’s manly sized lunch came out.
But everyone became quiet and laughed as the baby sized bottle came out.
Everyone was laughing as my hubby drank it down.
Then he held it up and said “In your diapers” as everyone laughed around.
And to everyone’s surprise he pulled another one out from his lunch…
This time there was applause as he drank that sucker down.
Today was his day to entertain.
Tomorrow it’ll be someone else’s to claim.
Thank goodness his sense of humor… is worthy of acclaim…



Details | Limerick | |

Now, Don't Look...

Making one hundred calls to get trimmer,
taking each diet pill to stay slimmer.
they tighten my flesh,
so each fold will mesh.
Here I come! Hit the light switch to dimmer!


Details | Rhyme | |

AFRAID OF A MIRROR

Afraid of a mirror
that daunts you with horror?
What's your fear
of not looking 
and admitting
you have a funny ear?


Fretted to look into a mirror
that won't suggest
the word " Beauty? "
I anticipate your anger
and unpleasant words that
won't change reality!
 

Afraid of a mirror
that hangs on your bathroom wall?
Make believe it's a crystal ball...
don't create useless terror!


Not everyone is
born beautiful and healthy
and has a perfect body...
why blame it on your genes?
Be beautiful in your own way,
enjoy your spotlight and shine today!





Details | Rhyme | |

Probably Not Prophetic

Whispered messages heard only in your mind
do not mean you have received heavenly advice
If you were to have yourself examined you'd find
mental instability to be a descriptor most concise


Details | Rhyme | |

Medical Science

Here I sit again once more
Another doctor visit today,
More lab work and tests
I just want the pain to go away.

One doctor says its this
Another says its something new,
I'm still left without any answers
While over the weeks my pain grew.

Is this all such a mystery
Are things really so complicated,
Tell me when i'll find this out
Will the pains to the results be related.

Many have faith in medicine
Say doctor's were made by man,
Why do they take their precious time
This is something I'll never understand.

I'm finally in an axam room
Told the doctor will come in a bit,
If i wasnt in so much pain right now
I'd walk out and say forget it.



Details | Free verse | |

Love Hurts - The Symptoms

Thoughts displaced by rolling palpitations,
From left to right grow these numbing sensations,
A face which spirals down, drooping from smile to frown.

Time hibernates in this moment protracted,
Legs bow and shake to our drama just acted,
Senses into overdrive, does pain show you’re still alive?

Oxygen masks, Coxes’ rowing commands,
Heart beat machines is what love demands,
“You need time to relax”, prescriptions from Quacks,
Is love just a commonplace heart attack?


Details | Rhyme | |

Ahem This Phlegm

Ahem this phlegm
In snotty body
Needs and pleads
A hotty-toddy.

Think a drink
Or pill will
Fight my plight
Kill this ill?

I might ply
With some rum
Debauch with scotch
Numb the glum.

Until that swill
Outs this bout
My poor sore
Snout will spout.


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

wealthy or healthy?

why is it that most people are always seeking wealth?
they will push themselves to the limit and disregard their health
money can't buy true happiness, 
it's more of a burden than a prize
yet many people are obsessed with it,
but at what price?

how many houses can you live in ?
how many cars can you drive?
how many gold chains can you wear around your neck?
will your wealth keep you alive?
how many credit cards and bank accounts do you really need?
as humans we are great consumers 
and we have a condition known as greed

it's funny how there are some people who don't have a lot of bucks
yet they live lives of happiness, is it their destiny or is it luck?
it's funny how those people who can barely get by
learn to live on less and contently survive

yes, we'd all like to be rich and not have to look at the price
whenever we want to buy something, but what are you willing to sacrifice?
when it comes down to the truth, you have to decide what is your measure
is it health or is it wealth? what do you treasure?
in sickness and in health
in poverty and in wealth

you can have all the money in this world and still have a fatal disease
you can live in a trailer park and with your few possessions and be pleased
you can have that great big house in the best part of town
but if you're laid out on your back, where is the good in it to be found?

money and wealth are just some of Satan's tools
to take people away from God and make them act like fools
many will lie, some will steal and others will kill for wealth
but what good is all the money in the world 
if you ain't got  your health?



Details | Rhyme | |

The E-Gap

Written by Gail DeBole on July 1, 2014
Updated on July 4, 2014


Fred Sr. doesn't like most things that start with e-.
Thumbs down to e-banking, e-books, and e-asy.
He's known to hollar, “I hate all this e-stuff!”
E-learning, e-coupons,  e-love, e-cetera…
"E-nough is E-nough!"

Fred Jr., an e-cop, catches e-crooks online.
Thumbs up to e-everything!  He thinks it's all fine.
He's known to hollar, “ I love all this e-stuff!”
E-stings, e-crimes, e-heros, e-cetera…
"I can't get E-nough!"

Fred Jr.'s son, an e-doc, helps patients online.
He lives an e-idea coming into its prime.
He's known to hollar, “We need this e-stuff!”
E-medicine, e-nurses, e-labs, e-cetera…
"Who would say "E-nough is E-nough?"


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

TRUE BLUE OF THE DEEP

....simply beautiful... it is of beauty to simply write such love letters of poetry, letters joining hands within a sky of words setting a background, upon the "Sea", setting sail.. within a wordsong, as playing winds, just swirl around beautifully of air, that blows a kiss to an angeled choir to sing in perfect key, life, the spice, the scented beauty of a rose in full bloom, the scented beauty of a heart beat, beating in time, with rhyme being so kind hearted and true blue of the deep.


Details | Limerick | |

The Sneeze

That cold was a cold I'll never forget
It made sure I sniffled and coughed and sweat
Then one day out of the blue
The sneeze exploded right through
My barriers and it made me upset.


Details | Rhyme | |

Hyper Suggestion

~~Hyper Suggestion~~ I went to the doctors just the other day It was just for a check up, that’s all I can say I sat in the waiting room waiting my turn The magazines were still ten years old so nothing new to learn. I looked at and started to read the notice board I noticed the posters with diseases -and they struck a chord Could you have bowel cancer the first one did query? Is your poo loose or do you go more often, if so there’s a theory You might have bowel cancer, check your poo for blood How nice! I scanned another poster quickly while I could. Obesity could this be you? It causes heart disease, diabetes and cancer too. My eyes scanned the board for something else to read Ladies have you got ovarian cancer? These signs you must heed Do you feel full after just a little food? Do you feel bloated and not at all in the mood? The bell went my turn had come, I walked through the door Good morning said the doctor what are you here for? Well I’ve come for my check up but just before you start I’ve read all you posters and there may be something wrong with my heart I turned up for my checkup but after reading twenty one symptoms-and there were more I now find I’m in here and I have twenty four.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Lollipop

You gots to wear your  ‘elmet
It’s a rule what can’t be broke
Suspose you ‘as a haccident
That wouldn’t be a joke
If sumfin’ comes a crashing 
And it ‘its you on yer ‘ead
It could knock yer bloody brains out
Then you could wake up dead
.
Yer boots now they’re  another fing
You shouldn’t be wivout
They could stop a painful injury
Of that there aint no doubt
Leather gloves and safety glasses
Are essential fings to wear
You needs yer safety clothing
It’s a nasty place out there 
.
They don’t make rules for fun ya know
 An’ I knows you feels a fool
But the elf an’ safety people
They is there to ‘elp us all
So stop your bloody whinging
Get yer sign, get on yer feet, cos
We ‘as to get these kiddiewinks
Safely ‘cross the street

© John W Fenn  02-07-2009

Cockney


Details | Rhyme | |

Cunning Ways to Lose Weight - Part 1

My doctor says I’m overweight,
I’m in the orange band,
To make it to the yellow zone
I’ll need a helping hand.

So he’s cancelled Sunday breakfast
And sworn me off scotch eggs,
He’s drained my car of petrol
Chuckling ‘Learn to use your legs!’

But I don’t really buy it.
There’s alternatives to diet.

I used to have a ponytail,
So first I had that chopped.
I filed off my fingernails -
They didn’t do a lot.

I syphoned every orifice,
That’s ears and nostrils too,
Then shaved all up and down the stairs
And blocked my pores with glue.

I bought myself a leotard
All webbed and made of feather
And leaf-thin flip-flops filled with air
(I’m hoping for good weather).

So the morning of the retest came,
I wandered down the road
And got savaged by a pit bull,
Who chewed off all my toes.

And thanks to that good fortune,
When I stepped on the machine,
The doctor said ‘I’ve got good news!
You’re one gram in the green.’


Details | Limerick | |

Jamming Commercials

Starting earlier every year,
Christmas costs more and more with less cheer.
This year Santa fell flat.
His diet took the fat,
Elves said,” this will not be good” they fear.

Watching commercials, they got idea.
Close diners, except pizzeria.
Each ad on T.V. now,
Pictures of pizzas wow!
Santa gains, without diarrhea.

Ads worked, he got a jolly belly.
Elves solemnly sat in a deli.
Commercialized just right,
His red suit fit so tight,
They needed petroleum jelly.


Details | Free verse | |

Geeky Boys and Busty Girls

In the little town called Cleveland
Some many years ago
In a high school gymnasium
Met a group of girls and boys
Since early in their childhood
They were plagued by many peers
Because they lacked
The perfect look
Like many other kids

After many years of torture
Constant badgering from everyone
They decided was time to take a stand
Claiming freedom once again
The group contained the branded
The freaky geeky boys
The girls slightly on the heavy side
A few all rolled in one


They called their club the meeting 
Of freaky boys and busty girls
Requirement was be outcast 
From the preps the jocks “the toys”
They arranged a simple protest
Simple protest most fun
To prove that being different 
Is not so bad and can be fun

They stripped down to nothing
But a smile on every face
And marched the halls of Cleveland High
In unison they did say
Though we may all look different 
Inside we’re all the same
So accept us if you will or not
We’re happy just the same

The faculty at the school that day
We outraged by what they saw
Forty teenage girls and boys
Marching naked down the hall
Parents quickly contacted
Expulsion all around
For the kids labeled freaks and geeks
Their victory it was found

Though the protest was very different
The idea quite deranged 
Respect was granted on that day
For the group with guts to say
Being different is not so different
Can be cool they all proclaimed
For the geeky boys and busty girls
Were proud for each that day

The moral of this story 
Though odd but very true
Though outside one looks different
Inside the pages read so true
Looks aren’t that important 
But the hearts all beat the same
We are all just like 
The kids 
From Cleveland high that day


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Worst 2 Days EVER, experienced monthly

Emotions scuttle through me
Like clouds across a sky
One minute I feel glee
The next I feel I'll die

My face is red and blotchy
My eyes feverishly bright
I know if I saw clearly
My face would be a fright

My hair feels like a birds nest
My memory's shot to hell
My sleep's when conversation's best
Naught could wake me but a fire bell

Guys say they cannot bear us
That we're snappish and we're rude
I know for sure they'd fuss
If THEY had to deal with these moods

The worst is the pain of the belly
Harmless cramps they say?
My abdomen's turned to jelly
Why should we suffer this way?

What a frustrating time we spend
Before our PMSing ends


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

ATMOSPHERE,

A lonesome dove

feathered white.

The branch strong,

time light.

...no "wait".

A dream.

really blowing a sweet breeze.

...no "wait".

A heart beat sitting in a tree,

spirit like,

...no "wait".

A rhyme.

...of atomosphere.


Details | Rhyme | |

Upchuck

Ah, this sea
Of filth and pee
A cesspool of germs 
That swiftly churns
A dreadful place
To hunch my face
I squirm and I moan
Over this so-called throne
To gag and hurl
My insides whirl
I stop to breathe
While I gasp and heave
I wipe off the drips
Of spittle on my lips
And clench my gut
Hope for anything but
A second round
Lift myself off the ground
To flush this sea
Of my debris
Watching it drain
As I try to refrain
Another wretched bend
Over my porcelain friend


Details | Epigram | |

Growth Pains

.



I definitely am not getting older but younger 
                     
Reaching the age of growth pains now the bridger..


Details | Rhyme | |

The World Needs Stupid Poems About Sheep

There's many speeches made upon the battlefield of life
And much advice both wise and otherwise
There's words to spur us on to overcome all sorts of strife
Some honest truths and some just hopeful lies.

The pep talk to build up the team so they go out and win;
The mantras found in simple battle cries;
The politics of power delivered with an extra spin;
The prophets' words reduced to sermon size;

The burning words of hatred that can send a man to kill
To light the fire that must be quenched with blood;
The prophecies long written that the blind seek to fulfil;
The word that lifts the fallen from the mud.

The lovers speak in whispers in the darkness of the night
And plight to each their troth in sickly verse
And the righteous lift up their voice to praise God, good and right
And hide the fact that they do something worse.

But if there is humanity and sanity to keep
The world needs stupid poems about sheep.


Details | Couplet | |

Leave Me With My Peanut Butter

Parsnips say I, oh please try them, do,
For Parsnips are so good for you!
But no, you just won’t try them, will you.
Instead, you stomp and cry and stew.

You’d rather waste your time with lettuce.
Fine for you, but please don’t tell us,
That what we need is more brown rice.
I think you’re just not very nice.

So off I go to eat with Martin.
He loves his pintos and just keeps fartin’
For taste is simply a personal matter
So, instead, I’ll just throw my parsnips at her.

Your lettuce wilts and rice gets sticky.
Oh, my, the food you like is icky.
So here I sit alone to stutter…
Please go and leave me with my peanut butter!

Or even my nice sweet chocolate bar.
To get it I would travel far,
Beyond the endless bars of salad.
So ends this trite but tasty ballad.


Details | Couplet | |

Invisible's Invincibility

I am an invisible man.
Try and see me if you can.

Shy and quiet I remain alone.
Silent is my voice’s tone

No one can feel my pain and sorrow
As I hide inside of my burrow. 

Shadows consume my body and soul
As I embrace the misty cold. 

The reason for my unseen being
Lies in the fact I hate being seen.

This life and existence’s of my own choice
And I choose not to have a voice.

I am silent. Invisible. Inexistent.
Yet I am invincible, an immortal being


Details | Grook | |

Sells pitch for a bettermouse trap

The road map to the mouse trap                                                                                      Worst sells pitch ever for care                                                                                          Unhealthy advice get rich quick Gov cheese                                                                       If you can spare all you need is a few smart mice                                                              To stick their heads in the trap please                                                                              Do you know the stats do fat rats eat dead mice                                                             *                                                                                                                      -  ( Angry about obamacare Do not get mad get rich - Money Map Press )- infomercial


Details | Fibonacci | |

Homeopathic Medicine

.
The 
One
Sure cure
Mother could
Produce from the shelf
Was that of castor oil
It made all complaints go away__disappear__vamoose


Details | Burlesque | |

Give Me

Give me creamy custard cakes,
cholesterol in all my veins.
Make me pastry puffs with filling,
icing oozing, splashing, spilling!
Nothing healthy, light or half,
nothing diet, don't hold back!
Tasty, succulent and full,
make me swoon and eyeballs roll.
I can take a stomache ache,
the consequences are ok.
'Cause I just ran 3 miles today..

so give me treats and get out of the way!


Details | Couplet | |

Cellular Madness

Everywhere I go I see people talking. Frequently to themselves, whilst walking. Hands to ears, eyes seeing little. Sometimes whispered words discreetly spoken. But mostly in a loud voice, echoing off walls. On street corners, in shopping malls. On public transport,, getting out cars. Sitting on benches, in quiet city parks. Buy, sell, deals done deals broken. Marriage proposals, love poems, text unspoken. Texts to avoid meeting face to face. Goodbye,! I have found somebody else. Sign of the times, tinged with sadness. It must be cellular madness.


Details | Rhyme | |

Weight Watchers

Sweet potatoes baked

or plantains fried, 

take your pick.

Caribbean treats

delectable and sweet, 

one puts more weight 

on the thighs!


Details | Rhyme | |

Kidney Stone


I’ve got a kidney stone
Trying not to moan
It hurts me deep
Trying not to weep
Sweep away the pain
Down the bathtub drain


Details | Verse | |

I Forgive Me

Joanna Davis

Forgiveness is a meal that’s
best served in large amounts
No matter the type of dish,
it’s the ingredients that count.

Forgiveness is a meal that
should be eaten with clean hands,
And every mouthful well seasoned
So the bitterness you’ll withstand.

Forgiveness is a meal that
must in small amounts, be ingested
To make room for the hurt and anguish
that’s yet to be digested!









Details | Light Poetry | |

My cute cough

As I lay propped up in my bed
Hoping to get some rest,
I heard loud groaning in the dark.
Like some trapped wild beast.


Auditory hallucinations
Are unfamiliar to me.
So I lay there wondering what it was
And what I was going to see.


The sound repeated louder still,
What can this noise be?
But when it came again,I knew.
It was emanating from me!


My chest was moaning like a beast
That's starving for more grub.
So I got my laptop out and wrote
A new poem for my hub.



It's called a cute bronchitis now,
An unsuitable kind of name.
Cuteness is the last word I would use.
The doctor is to blame.


I said "I came to be diagnosed
And not for compliments.
It may sound cute to you,my man,
Just get on  with the medical treatment."
.


Details | Free verse | |

The Image Of Being In Need

The Image of Being In Need

My eyes are covered in gauze,
from dirt scratching 
both of my corneas.

My boyfriend leads me around
otherwise I'd find myself on my 
knees feeling the ground.

He takes care of me
and tends to my needs.

He accidently squirts 
ear wax cleaner
into my eyes instead 
of my prescribed 
eye drops.

Oh the pain,
I thought would 
drive me insane.
No apologies either!

He picks my clothes out
and helps me dress,
too close for my
comfort.

The humility found in 
depending on another
for survival was not high.

So glad I'm looking
for a new guy now,
the image of me
depending on him
for a lifetime
is not a good one.

For he left me
feeling more like
a burden then
a friend in need,
to me that
makes him 
a bad seed
for me.


Details | Free verse | |

The Blating Fawn

Where is that blating?
Looking all around 
Trying to find the source

It sounds like a kid crying for its dam
Nowhere in sight is the evidence of the sound
Turn and look once more

From the direction of the babbling creek
Down where the Paper Birch stands
Skirted in native Bamboo

Where the coolness is so inviting
To a weary soul
Come sit, relax, enjoy the ions that refresh

The sound gets much louder there__
Then in the exact spot looking
There comes Rocky carrying a fawn

The fawn with his polished cleft small ebony hooves
Attached to his very long abnormal looking legs
Legs that are swinging back and forth for Rocky had him in the nape of his neck

This dappled child of the doe
Calling for its mother to come
To this day I can still hear his cry! BaMa.......

(OUr Rat Terrier who is fourteen years old
was diagnosed with an enlarged heart yesterday..
The vet say is treatable and he should live several
years..Just a memory of when he was young.)


Details | Personification | |

Poetic Licensing's


An adversary friend once told me
that " Sticks' And Stone's May break
                 My bone's
           But, name's will never
                  Hurt Me "
So, I hit Him in the head
           With a stick
And throw Him off the banister....
      ------
That was the beginning of the break
In a once troubled relationship.....
      -------
Just the same.. I thank him for his
Help in the resoultion of this problem
Because, He was really starting'
To get on my nerves'.............

                  GF

*****Moral to the story*****

When you make a suggestion, alway's
Make darn sure that you are perfectly willing
To follow threw......


Details | I do not know? | |

A Sand Box Experiment

Little Jenny was always found to be very prim and proper/
Outside reading her cook book by Betty Crocker/
Lazy Mary Sat on the lazy suzanne,
Butch Malone was their next of kin kissing cousin,
Along with Mary this made up the famed dirty dozen !
That sand box experiment really made us laugh/
Shortly after gym class,

Butch Malone along with the famed Benjamin Bankhead/
Jimmy Foley the local guitar player knew,
The pathway in life that we should choose/
Often he would be found taking a tremendous dump in the boy's urenil !

The path of least resistance sought about from a chosen few,

Often he would appear in shepherds clothing similar to little boy blue !

Playing guitar like he's going out of style !
That sandbox experience was designed to distract all the teacher's ?
We set up stuffed dummies just to look like real people,
Right underneath the bleacher's !

Old man Winter's who worked for Mr. Kazoo knew the score/
Very often he was being seen outside the local liqour store,
Lest I emplore,

The sand box experiment was in full swing on that one particuler day/

Butch Malone thought he was the real king ?
That was until Mrs. Maloney saw him through the window !
Next the time was drawing near/
Then so was that dinner bell,

Mrs. Maloney started talking to all those dummies,

Next thing you know she had tripped over little Johnny !
He was stuffed that was/
Flying three feet high in the air she had fell right on her face !
What a social disgrace !

Yet what had happened to Butch Malone ?
Like a little dog without his bone/
He pee pee'd his pants then cried all the way home !
The next day when Mrs. Maloney got her second wind/

She didn't even know where to begin/

For that little stunt the whole class was suspended for the day,
Yet for the gang including Butch Malone what did they say ?
All in all the sandbox experiment really did make their day !


Details | Rhyme | |

Clowning Cures

“Today we will practice
medicine and cure the flu.”
The clown announced it twice,
just as a fun thing to do.

He went into the laughing crowd,
and found an unhealthy fellow.
Took him by his hand and avowed,
“By humor, health will grow!”

The clown was right, although,
the ill man was embarrassed.
But they all took their bow,
after his cough was suppressed.


Details | Limerick | |

Boy Am I Hungry

Battle of the bulge
From greesy foods love to divulge
Over lips and through the gums
Love handles now do come
When will I learn not to indulge


Details | Narrative | |

SEA TO SHINNING SEA

SEA TO SHINNING SEA,
 
...this is so intimate of time, as a first kiss of time is...so close of soul, so near, so dear of heart beat, so precious a rhyme that flows so intimately,
 
deep of time, down by the Crystal Seas...
 
...this is so intimate of dreams,
dreaming reality,
 
as the Crystal Sea so reveals of destinies galore,
sparkles,
destined as the night light of the moon-glows of starry eyes,
upon the waters,
 
...gazing
 
...seeing tranquility upon the waves...
watching to the depth of a dream,
and a sun-rise
 
being so true...
 
for underneath and within this a moon-lit poem of starry night eyes, down by the Crystal Seas, a vessel sets sail upon the deep...into a kiss of dawn...
 
Sea to shinning Sea.
 
mb(2011)
 


Details | Acrostic | |

Trip To The ER

Enter the cavernous chamber
Met by the paperwork__you know the clipboard
Enter all this information first right here
Remember we need address, SS#__So we can trace you
Good we've got all that so now we'll treat you
Enter the little room with a I don't care nurse
Now I want to know what would equal good care
Care that would keep you coming back
Yeah! We want return visits not wellness

Room without view
Occupied by much equipment
Opposite of home's comfort
Much anxiety


Details | Rhyme | |

breakfast poem

love of butter,
in pancake fashion,
frying,toasting,
cooking with passion,
better cooked,
then eaten raw,
impatiance is,
my only flaw,
the aroma,
calls my name,
growling stomaches,
are to blame,
for the mess,
i've created,
my hunger though,
has been sated.

spelling mistakes and love.


Details | Quatrain | |

Gut In Stinked

I've got a funny gut instinct
L.Casei.Imunitas gone extinct
Cos my gut it really stinked
So much so my nose it blinked.

I think you'd agree from the smell
My insides are bubbling like hell
Loud rumble, grumble as my stomach yells
The squelch and the splosh of the soggy log that fell.

Have a wee and feel some poo
The inner turmoil i'm going through
Speckles of brown decorate the loo
Always afraid of the follow through.

The velocity inside my fart
The power as my bum cheeks part
As the wet tumbling mudslide does start
Goodbye dinner and apple tart.

The frequent trips to the loo i make
To dispose of something like choccy milkshake
Sitting upon some kind of silo lake
Lets hope the air-con doesn't break.

A hundred wipes some will still remain
Wet white paper with a brown yukky stain
And all the things you find down the drain
I'm so glad i'm not on an aeroplane!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull


Details | Verse | |

Beware the Addict

Darkness in my Veins
Impossible Aimless Energy
Soothing all my Pains
for a price
for just a fee
My Soul Addiction
Coffee.


Details | Haiku | |

Blue Russian

fill glass with some ice -
add vodka coffee liqueur -
now splash on the blue


Details | Rhyme | |

LIVE IT UP

Another year has passed me by
Now I’m a little older
Summer seems much hotter
And Winter seems much colder.

I try to think of happy things
And good times that I had
But it seems the things that come to mind
Tend to make me sad.

My memory sorta tells me
In the not too distant past
I used to really have a ball
And life was just a blast!

I used to party often
Go to shows and take vacations
Now its go to funerals
Talk of ailments and medications.

I used to travel quite a lot
No place was thought too far
I would fly or go by train
Or drive there in my car.

But travel now has limits
With aches and pains and such
And an over-active bladder
Makes me have to go too much.

Bar-hopping was a big thing
There was cigarettes and booze
Now I just sit at home
And watch the evening news.

I think that ends my story
Here's the reason why
When I think back on the good-ol-days
it sorta makes me cry.

I'll enjoy whatever's left
now that my story's told
I'll live it up as best I can
before I'm too darn old!


Details | Couplet | |

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

There I’ve said it out loud
Having it does not make me proud

I get obsessed with certain things
Like writing poetry or buying rings

I change my compulsions now and then
Sometimes it just happens on a whim

I might want to go to yard sales every week
To buy old things that I will want to keep

Or go shopping for lovely new clothes
My closet(s) are completed filled with those

It was a man named Dennis for a while
Now he is just cramping my style

My hair is growing out right now
When it gets longer, I will cut it any how

Shoes are one thing I think I will want next
Cause it has been a while since my last fix

OCD has taken control, don’t you see?
It makes me crazy, but it makes me…me!


Details | I do not know? | |

WHAT IS HOME?

WHAT IS HOME?

ROLLING HILLS ARE HOME TO ME,
PLAYING CHESS WITH FRIENDS,
DANCING ON THE WEEKEND,
WALKING IN THE WIND,
BLOWING BUBBLES.

(Reflect)

BUBBLES BLOWING WIND,
THE “IN” WALKING WEEKEND,
THE “ON” DANCING FRIENDS
WITH CHESS PLAYING ME. 
TO HOME ARE HILLS ROLLING?


Details | Limerick | |

Lean Times

Lean Times
When times are lean and mean I have to conserve
I rely on pocket change in reserve
Like pennies, dimes and quarters
Times like these I might loiter
Anything to fill my tank and preserve


Details | Sonnet | |

Happy Birthday Dear Carol Brown (Kyrielle Sonnet)

It’s a great day to shake and bake
Dance, sing, and eat all of your cake
It’s time to wear your dinner gown
Happy Birthday Dear Carol Brown

Upon reaching the Big Six O
Spread and stretch on your patio
Wear your fancy dress into town
Happy Birthday Dear Carol Brown

As you puff out the nice candles
Hold tight onto your chair handles
Smile today and let your hair down
Happy Birthday Dear Carol Brown

It’s a great day to shake and bake
Happy Birthday Dear Carol Brown


© Joseph, 4/9/08
© All Rights Reserved


Comments:  Dedicated to my poet laureate friend Carol Brown.  The Kyrielle 
Sonnet has 14 lines (three rhyming quatrain stanzas and a non-rhyming 
couplet). It has a repeating line or phrase as a refrain in the last line of each 
stanza.  Each line within the sonnet has eight syllables. The French use the first 
and last line of the first quatrain as the ending couplet. This reinforces the refrain 
within the poem. The rhyming scheme for a Kyrielle Sonnet normally is: AabB, 
ccbB, ddbB, AB -or- AbaB, cbcB, dbdB, AB.


Details | Rhyme | |

My Carrot

I love the orange coloured skin 
My carrot has to tempt my eyes 
I love the crunchieness within 
Which with my teeth I realise 

I munch, I chew, I taste the juice 
The sweetness of the central core 
Willingly I let seduce 
This vegetable, this paramour. 

There is no finer time than this 
A summer's sunset in a field 
A carrot slowly chewed is bliss 
My soul is calm, my stomach filled.


Details | Free verse | |

Mien Kampf

Starring Tonight 


What a superb line-up for you tonight ladies and gentlemen
for your entertainment and delectation 

Here is kind old Adolph with Mien Kampf
monsieur Adam Smith presents The Wealth of Nations

L Ron Hubbard Dianetics The modern science of mental health
bearded the wise Karl Marx presents Das Capital

Another beard! Yes it’s old favourite God with the Bible Old and New
Jesus what such there a promise - lets go !
and here we go! The Lovely Mohammed with the Koran
No act to follow   !

Enjoy!


Details | Rhyme | |

Stress

Anxiety;
the fate that draws life near to me,
stretching out my palms to understand the emptiness
of my propriety.
Some rushing knuckles
through roots and eggshells,
but no gold dug,
just the fleet of mud.
I'll sprout a wrinkle
and regret the day
I let my wits run with anxiety.


Details | Rhyme | |

Fatty Bum Bum

How did I end up in this state? 
I'm always fighting with my weight, 
I'd like to put it down to fate, 
but that ain't honest! 

I know for sure what I do wrong, 
I've known the truth all along, 
but I always sing a different song, 
and that ain't honest! 

I've tried to blame my family, 
for passing the fat gene down to me, 
and making me a big fat'B', 
but that ain't honest.

So now I'm gonna face the fact, 
I have to make me a slimming pact, 
and with exercise I must react.
Now, that is honest!


Details | Limerick | |

Spraying Mucus

Though I have flu I tried putting up~show,
while on a date,sneezing spoils the smooth flow,
Mucus flies out of my nose,
which gives her a spraying dose;
with that look on her face,"no chance"!,I know.


Details | Rhyme | |

Doctor Rose

Dr. Rose can't diagnose
A thing that's wrong with me.
I'm flushed and red with an aching head
And pain in both my knees.

Although the're clean, my toes are green,
My ears have come unstuck,
I'm feeling sick, my elbows click,
My temperature is up.

"Don't be daft!" the doctor laughed.
"Don't take me for a fool!"
Somehow he knows, that Dr. Rose,
I don't want to go to school.


Details | Rhyme | |

Menopause Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake

I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep 
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap

So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest

Short Poem contest - Honorable Mention finish
Mdailey

written for my wife


Details | I do not know? | |

The Fires OF Hell

The fires of hell start to burn my skin
I never knew I had committed such a sin
My skin is leaking all over the bed
The arrows of 20 thousand Indians pierce my head
I’m burning up I can’t take anymore
I try to escape but I just hit the floor.

A river of ice rushes over me
I’m frozen and shaking why can’t he see?
I need some quilts I need to keep warm
I think the chattering of my teeth will do them some harm

I am lucid again, things are looking quite good
The elephants knitting some booties out of wood
The cowboys’ and Indians they fight back to back
I know I’m getting better, I know they can’t win like that.

The fires of hell sweep over me again
My throat burns like I’ve swallowed a topless fountain pen.
My husband looks at me and he declares with concern
I’m fetching the doctor so we can learn.

The doctor he calls I know what’s wrong with you
It’s a microscopic bug and we call it the flu
Stay in bed till the Indians have all left the closet
Till the booties are made and you know that they fit

Your temperature will fall don’t worry it will
But stay where you are or you will be ill
I’m ill now I said patting the bed
Just sit beside me you can massage my head.

When you are lucid and well we will have a chat
And your husband will explain what was wrong with that.
He laughed and patted my head like a child
The elephants dropped a stitch and It’s making me wild.

The lap top is laughing at me on top of the bed
The river of ice is rushing from my feet to my head
I think I will leave my writing till later
The heron is now fighting with the pet alligator.


Details | Senryu | |

The World's Worst Senryu

Four thousand pieces 
of abstract oragami
= one bad cold.


Details | Limerick | |

Bridge Work

Extractions are cheaper than fillings
But the dentist went mad with the drillings
So alas and alack
And a bucket of plaque
 It cost me two quid; forty shillings!


Details | Free verse | |

Trip to the Dentist

White coat, blue mask, optical
eye staring intently at me as I sat,
motionless.
Sterilized instruments of torture gleamed
at me in the pristine tray.
Numbed, knowing I was losing
a little more of myself,
I was helpless as this seemingly
normal human
was transformed into this sick, twisted,
sadistic torturer. Taking pleasure in the
misery of others. Push, twist, pinch, wedge,
pull … oops, it broke! Let me know if
you feel something sharp.
Pick, poke, prod, there. I think I got it all.
You may be sore for a couple
of days. Take aspirin or ibuprophen if
it gets bad (aspirin? Is he kidding?).
Two days later and I want my daughter
to smack my face with a baseball
bat.
I have found a new enemy … and his name is
Dentist!


In real life, I love my dentist. Just some sarcastic fun.
Please don't replace my Novocaine with water!! 
Tony


Details | Free verse | |

WRITING WHEN YOUR BREATH STINKS

No perfect verse
can be written before sleep;
it's better to procrastinate
than to write when your breath stinks!
No, I am not referring 
to unbrushed teeth
and unrinsed mouth,
but lots of gulping drinks!   
Even your pen swerves as a wheel of a car;
doesn't influence effects your ability
to put thoughts together!



Food for thought
is not wine, beer or champagne; 
they will not stimulate your intellect
when you are unable to think!
Rather they will decrease brain performance,
blocking your thinking process...
like an invalid password not giving you access!
Ever sent one to an editor...
and it was rejected for grammar,
wrong form and misspelling?
He must have smelled alcohol from far!



There was a poet writing
lengthy verses lacking imagination,
they couldn't hold the reader's attention:
when they could have been brief
and to the point without sacrificing artistry! 
He always had a bottle of rum
or vodka next to him to keep him company!
Wouldn't you say that...
he was as drunk as his pen?



Writing when your breath stinks,
slows you down and makes you unresponsive
to your surroundings...
failing to notice important things!
There are lots of foolish mouths 
spitting out words
with the allude they will be
performed on stage!
Wouldn't the audience be upset,
or show intense rage?




Details | Free verse | |

The Inner Struggle

Some our very eager perplexed swept within

Underneathe the belly of the beast
A needed flower to grow amidst the rise of yeast
Within sullen fragmented dreams & truth
One may even negate that inner truth for a lie?

That inner struggle within/

To remain attached to the vine sublime

We are more then qualified for its great design
To calm the nerves from within
We look to man yet find no hold
We look toward self thus grafted in again onto the rights are sold

We then read books based on logic & get trapped within
~

For some, 
It's inner struggle is what we all must seek to face
Within loose debris in decayed formation
Yet some its inner struggle is a way of escape?

Proned toward evident inhillation embraced with its surfaced Peyton Place;

The inner struggle from within
Fought back the heavy tears with a smile
Still to know all the great while
A hand to hold a loving kiss embraced

For this is the thought provoking struggle we enivatably all must face?

The inner struggle.


Details | Epigram | |

TWO DAY WON DER

Man
flu-
adrift
upon a
lethargy of sleep.


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

ALZHEIMER'S LETTER

ALZHEIMER'S LETTER

DEAR WHOEVER YOU ARE,
WHAT DID I SAY MY NAME IS ? I REALLY DO FORGET.
I'VE JUST ASKED YOU A QUESTION. OR HAVE I ASKED YOU YET?
I'VE NEARLY LOST MY MEMORY. MY MIND IS FULL OF DOUBT.
I'VE HAD A CONVERSATION, BUT WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?
NOW IM HITTING 85 OR IS IT 58?
AM I FEELING POORLY ? OR AM I FEELING GREAT?
WHY IS THIS SOCK SO BLOOMING BIG ? WHATS THE USE IN THAT?
WHAT IS THIS THING ON MY FOOT ? IT'S JUST MY WOOLY HAT.
I WENT OUT WITH THE RUBBISH, TO PUT IN IN THE BIN.
WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING ? I TOOK IT RIGHT BACK IN.
SOMETIMES I GET SILLY, I FEEL LIKE SUCH A CLOWN.
I PUT MY TEETH INSIDE MY MOUTH BUT NOW THERE UPSIDOWN.
SOMETIMES MY BRAIN IS FUZZY. I'M MIXED UP IN MY HEAD.
I'M CHECKING THE DEATH NOTICE, TO SEE IF I AM DEAD.
IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS LETTER, PLEASE WRITE AND LET ME KNOW.
IF I FORGET TO POST IT, IT MIGHT FORGET TO GO.
LOVE ALWAYS, YOU FOREVER FRIEND,
WHOEVER I AM XXX

                                                                                 BY SHIRLEY MOODY


Details | Limerick | |

No Time For The Flu

How dare that flu bug touch me!
Doesn't it know I'm as busy as a bee?
I don't have time to be sick,
I must be up quick.
What do you mean, it's not up to me?



12/29/11  For Gwendolyn's "The Sneezing Limerick" contest.


Details | Triolet | |

Escape




Stiff neck won't move this mornin'--"Ouch!"
Must come from sleepin' on the couch.
But why go sleep in that big bed
All by myself (a thought I dread)?
It's not as lonesome here--instead--
False comfort and illusion wed.
For this I can so often vouch...
My only price, is just this--"Ouch!"

~Deborah Burch




Details | Light Poetry | |

No Dope Have To Cope

Dope head
      Just read


Medical marijunia
  Many states don't wanna


Flip this bill
     Said it wouldn't heal


Glacoma
     Paranorma


Nausea's
   Seizers waaaaaa


They don't care
    And won't share


Any relief
   Good grief

Tired of  puking
   So  got mussing


 To  FDA
         Who just says


No dope
   Gotta cope





Details | Acrostic | |

TURKEY AND PUMPKIN PIES

To all wo crave turkey...good appetite and good health!
Utilize your skills in creating charm in a bright dining room. 
Round up the best ideas for success, ask if you need help.
Kidding yourself is absurd, get all the help from friends.
Enamor yourself with dinnerware and silverware that match.
Yearn for an athmosphere so warm, cheerful and elegant.
Allow kindness when dealing with kids who spill apple cider.
Nobody should be privileged to say Grace but the host. 
Dance afterward with everyone in the decorated living room.
Papa can smoke his cigar, if it doesn't bother the guests.
Unity should be stronger on this day when all thank the Lord.
Major issues about noises, caused by children, should be ignored.
Pretend that Thanksgiving Day is the last one they'll ever see.
Keyboard should play Hymns of thanks, not songs they all like.
Inside the fireplace, the red log crackles reminiscing Thansgivings past.
Nag not when the dog chases the cat under the table...laugh!
Parents should be soft, not harsh...let Thansksgiving be a fun day!
Inside the fireplace the log crackles...reminishing of Thanksgivings past.
Endure the screams and the fights a little longer...no child is an angel.
Say the final prayer of gratitude as everyone bows their heads.


Details | Light Poetry | |

To My Doctor

       To My Doctor


I’m sitting in your exam room
Wondering what I’ll say
In answer to your question,
“How’s it going today?”

Shall I tell you all my problems
Or mention one or two
Or simply say, “I’m fine, thanks.”
Maybe that would do

You must be getting very tired
Of hearing my complaints
They never seem to dwindle
So to me you are a saint!

And one day I’ll surprise you
I’ll offer you a grin
And say, “I’m really fine, thanks
Just fine for the shape I’m in.”

But today I still must ponder
And wonder what I’ll say
In answer to your question
“How’s it going today?”


Details | Blank verse | |

senior student

Senior Student. 

Senescence...don’t know what that word means,
I forget so many words now a days. 
A man called Alexander has stopped writing says 
he forget dates and names of famous persons 
but isn’t that what Wikipedia is for?

Senescence...old age, I read, better than senile which
is a word full ancient dust, of knowledge chipped off
an old statue, like the one I saw in Rome, 
time had made his face featureless and he had lost 
six fingers. Senior citizen me? I still have nine fingers.   


Details | Limerick | |

THE MISERY OF A COLD

For days I coughed hard and hurt my guts,
drank tea like Britons from china cups,
the virus never left,
this poor guy never slept...
did this bad cold come from unwashed mugs?


Details | Alliteration | |

Weighty Wanda

When weighty Wanda 
Discussed her dreadful diet 
She sarcastically said
Easy! I eat everything I eyeball


Details | I do not know? | |

"Pee-Pee Lyrics in Valentine"

Making secreted dreams
that beat the sound of excreted water
flowing with each enriched elimination
the kidneys are in movement
the physical process is in timing
moving the waste
and expelling
the urination from the necked Urethra

aka:lyricvixen ha-ha!


Details | Light Poetry | |

Getting the wind up

Oh! How can I forget your face
The tenderness, of your embrace
Your precious smile your gentle kiss
These things, I know, I’ll always miss
The way you’d squeeze and hold me tight
And making love all through the night
The way you’d talk the whole day long
Or sing that sad old country song
The times we had, and we had some
But sadly now the time has come
For this will be our final parting
All because you can’t stop farting


Details | Rhyme | |

LETTING IT OUT WITH A JOYFUL SCREAM

Just being healthy, happy, grateful and alive...
makes me want to let it out with pride:
it's a joyful scream deafening my ear:
welcoming, without restraint, the New Year! 


Which merry song do you have in mind?
Come nearer and hum it with hope inside...
forgetting the troubles, hardships and lost dreams of old,
delight in the gleeful feeling....even braving the bitter cold!


It's five minutes to midnight as the festive crowds swing
under the huge ball of thousand lights that keeps shining...
overwhelming the spectators that deeply sigh,
somewhat a little nostalgic to leave all behind! 


Let's finally pop the champagne' loud cork
under snowflakes and dazzling delights
of glittering decorations and delirious smiles,
but where's found another city like New York?




Details | Free verse | |

I Got Dough {Solfege}

Do -  do   -        a female la beer
Re -  re    -        a drop of re beer
Mi  -  mi             without my mi beer  
Fa-    fa -           place to drive to get ti beer
So  -  so   -        you ran out of mi beer
La   -  la   -         la de da la de da I'll wait for la beer
Ti  -    ti    -        spilt spilt ti beer so no more more of la beer

Do - Do              Do la la think I'm sexy after about six six so beers  LOL 








Got Beer !
Over The Lips Thru The Gums
Look-out Stomach Here It Comes LOL

Also Entry For Izzy Gumbo's Solfege Contest


Details | Burlesque | |

So Why'd You Sneeze On My Macaroni And Cheese?

So why'd you do this to me,
To sneeze all over my diner- to- be?
Now I'm real pissed at you,
Cause you got the flu,
And I don't know if this is cheese,
Or some yucky part of your sneeze,
And I ask you to please,
I'm beggin' on my knees,
Please leave my food alone,
Cause I am so prone,
To catch a bad flu with great ease,
So keep away your flu germs,
I'd rather eat worms,
And swing in the trees,
Naked in the breeze,
My sorry butt to freeze
To eventually sneeze and wheeze.


Details | ABC | |

names

everyone  has  one.they   can  be  old  names.they can  be  different  names.they  
can  be  celebrity names.they can be  silly  names!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Details | Quatrain | |

CONSTANCE HOLDS THE KEY TO FREEDOM

Constance holds the key to freedom,
she'll never sit down and die of boredom;
all the free things we don't think of or see,
are there for everyone to experience and enjoy.


Employers buy our time to give them service;
if nothing is for free what's happened to your awareness?
The air we breath, the sunlight we feel, and the fragrant flowers we smell...
weren't these also given by God to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden?



Look around there many more for us to discover...
the incessant waterfalls and rivers still supply their water,
and without them the earth would be an arid desert;
and in this wasteland, only spiders can try to cheat death.



Constance holds the key to freedom, inspiring us timelessly, 
and the beauty of her revelation is that we can pursue it adequately;
she doesn't boast as the rich do, humbleness is her inborn virtue...
welcome her suggestions and begin living your day as busy folks do.

 
Inspired by Constance's Blog MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND


Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | I do not know? | |

gym experience

My heart aches
I am fat
It's already too late!

The workout kills
The instructor is hunky

My stomach churns
I am overweight
It is not even funny

The weights are stuck to the floor
The stretch ribbons won't stretch anymore

My jiggly parts burns

Screw this, I'm out for the door!
Let's go out and have a food war


Details | I do not know? | |

Boil On__Uh Tailbone

My grandson who lives with me
Has a boil on his __Uh tailbone
He is in terrible pain because
He is all alone ...can't sit at 
The computer or sit to talk 
On the phone..can't go anywhere
For he would have to lie down
In the back seat in the car
He's moaning and groaning
And ill as a trapped cat
But don't call or come over
For he wants to suffer alone


Details | Rhyme | |

FORESEEING A GREAT DAY

I'm waking up rubbing my winking eyes
so sensitive to the burst of the first sunrays;
I open wide the off-whilte Venetian blinds of older days,
to get a better view of a sun never hiding its surprises.


I go straight to the kitchen tripping on the way,
I'll brew a fresh pot of Maxwell coffee: sweet and strong;
just four cups a day: its a good way to rewind and sing
that folk song that caught my attention yesterday.


I quickly jump into the shower with light blue curtains
displaying red canyons in the background as eagles fly
over breathtaking praires, but who can hear this voice...
if not the caged parrot that repeats it with a sorrowful cry? 


I will set him free today and let him choose his own destiny,
parrots or any other bird weren't meant to be locked in cages;
yes, they are similar to us seeking freedom and loving harmony,
so why should we deny them happiness causing them many pains?


Off to work, looking my best: with gray suit which costed four hundred bucks,
and a silver tie to match my black shoes...well-trimmed fingernails is a must;
A splash of Obsession to turn on single, attractive girls at Starbucks.
I drive off in my shiny green Honda, foreseeing a great day until dusk.


Details | I do not know? | |

Write At You...

hey baby…
i’m here just behind your ear
my whispering heat, your dare

”…come to me…” you said

and i learned the universe
just so i could.
don’t turn your head
I AM right behind
i’m the tickle that you feel
in the back of your mind
my hands message your spine
and i’m coming around
my scent locks your legs
and apart on the ground
sensual sends to your knees
the breeze .freeze. and glance down
passionate eyes become wet sound…
the ghosts of listening lips surround
your body at the hips and burns
...i can feel you hear
sweet on my tongue.
the taste of us is
a drop of my pen
hard at attention
our bodies motion
pulsing with ache
i write to a vision
can you feel…
we’re about submission.
darling. ;)~ hard
on target
and charming
teasing at your skin
i’m nibbling
pleasing with a grin
i’m licking
and lookin’…
Write At You.


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

Out Heart

Out of the heart

Springs the many issues of life amidst
Throughout a distant embracing strife
Out of the heart a modest choice to make
In ardent springs embraced upon temporal negate

Within time,
Comes about a correlation within its peace
Strong is it may seem
Out of the heart some may disagree/

Out of the heart...
One may equate logical persuasion out of a mist filled with reality;

Charity...

The tender soil still quickens lending it to art as in some specific touch

Through a variation in a dream falling apart at the seams

Some are even very eager to engage in its deepest sympathy?

One may negate truth thus in order to twist its factual to live the lie?

Still others equate logical persuasion amidst;

Out of the heart form the issues of the heart/
Through darkened shades of Pine some may even spring a leak?
We still know what tomorrow might bring?
Amidst temporal chords of fallem mankind
We stand amazed at the glue of false fabrication
Twisted thoughts filled with thunder amidst its period of priority
Justification by faith yet they negate logic for a side order of fear
Twisted minds that plug destruction blaming third degree of fire on their very souls
Neglect to pick up the cross & to follow then soaring into sorrow
Never any hopes for a brighter nor that a better tomorrow;

Out of the heart the mouth will speak amidst the madness deepened creek/

Throughout darkened shades of Pine soiled in the breeze with illogical persuasion
We all still know not what tomorrow may bring?
Amidst temporal chords of fallen mankind
Under the surface of the bone filled there is still a layer of skin
Whence, do I need to ever begin again
Fallen man amidst a rise of the angry pagan
Flashlights with a dull pitch formidable response in its equated logical filled lies
Does all of the lie come at any logical big enough surprise?


Details | Rhyme | |

Puff Puff

My mind hushed of its crowd of thoughts
The pains ive felt slowly strip away
Anger replaced with a numbing flay
Vision blurred with a cloud of smoke
Sailing me to the land of hope
Worries washed away
For now this is how I will spend my day
Spralled out on the couch,
Joint in my mouth




Details | Free verse | |

Men of a Certain Age

A little gray on the sides

A little hanging over the line

Still all in all a catch

For somebody passing by

The theory of one’s sex appeal

Disappearing over time

Just a myth and not theory

Just like a fine wine

 

With age there comes true beauty

Other ideas shot to hell

For men of a certain age 

Can carry it very well

So, okay some parts may stiffen

While there are others that do not

Gives no right to toss aside

Giving up the game they’ve got

 

With each year that draws us closer

To the day of final breath

Brings a great advantage 

An experience you won’t forget

Bringing all the knowledge 

To the table presented there

You’ll find a man with great respect

All others will fail to compare

 

So remember when you’re out there

Looking for a great romance

You can find it with a man 

Who has lived the world and danced

With age indeed comes knowledge

And experience, mark my word

Combine these two together

Can really rock your world


Details | I do not know? | |

Drown you with mediocrity

Ten feet tall shadows
Dump cigarettes from their eyes, smoke pouring out their pupils
Spew alcohol from their mouths, dirty teeth cleaned white by whiskey, vodka, and rum
Soiled again by vomit, and the filth they spread
These monsters of beings live on concrete sidewalk squares
They are stitched to couches, and glued to T.V's
Hammers for hands to smash through dreams
Left like glass in the middle of the street
A trap set to cut deep into our heels
With blood left to pool from our dirty feet, to slow our progress
From the shadows
Where the streetlights don't rain light on our corners, their tentacles of ignorance will 
bind your ankles
It will pull you into the dark, into their lives filled with white noise, and static ringing in 
their ears
Into their houses with T.V's in every room, cold and void
it will pull you into the big smiles in pictures, a moment of fake happiness for everyone 
to see.
They will pull you into their little, perfect broken households
And they will drown you with mediocrity.


Details | Rhyme | |

My Winter

So many people rave on about summer
To me this couldn’t be dumber
Winter is the time for me
A time where I feel truly comfortable and free

Winter is great sleeping weather
Either alone or embracing together
There is no season that is better
Some like it dry I like it wetter

My troubles get washed away with the rain
Swept away like the winter leaves down the drain
A time where I feel less pain
A time where I feel slightly less insane

With considerable rain comes a departure of the water restriction
One can bathe without fear of conviction 
In summer people smell and sweat
Less likely in winter because it’s cold and wet

Winter starts on the 1st of June
With the darker winter nights comes a brighter moon
The sounds of the rain and wind at night
The pound of thunder accompanied by sparks of light

When it’s cold you can put on a beanie or an extra top
If it’s hot there are only so many layers you can strip before you must stop
Winter is a time for rain, hail and snow
A time when the weeds slowly grow

In winter there are less flies, rodents and ants
In winter I can feel comfortable wearing pants
In winter termites are less active or even dormant
Good for us but for them a bad predicament

Winter is a great time for a hot drink
And an excellent time to head to the ice rink
In winter you can hug without feeling sticky
Being intimate when it is hot can be quite tricky

A drink stays cold so you don’t need to add ice
In winter you can have a hot curry with rice
In winter football is played
Birds migrate and eggs are laid

You lay beside a warm fire
And drink red wine or whatever you desire
There’s nothing finer than a warm home cooked dinner
In winter you are less concerned about being thinner

You may get a little cough or sneeze
And you may see images like these
Children playing in a puddle
A loving couple having a cuddle

Winter colours can be dark but also bright
Like when water turns to snow it appears white
The sparkling of stars at night
The fallen leaves with the wind in flight

Winter is most definitely the best of the four seasons
This has been proven with so many reasons


Details | Limerick | |

Baubles, Bangles, And Nose Bleeds

You Quiz-puzzlers out there,
I hope you take care,
And don't sucumb to high blood pressure,
Please don't implode like the good sub, U.S.S. Thresher,
So take it in stride,
With the answers I do hide,
And you'll wake up all that much fresher


Details | I do not know? | |

Life's Little Wonders

How I wish that my eyes were microscopic
so that I can see.
What's really going on inside my wonderfully made body.
Those trillions  of billions of countless cells
all swimmimg up in down.
I wonder which ones may be damaged, inactive
or possibly drowned.
Are both my kidneys in order?
Will I have a heart attack?
Do my brain need recharging?
Will there be spasm in my back?
Will old authur get his grip on me?
Or will my ulcers, cause me misery?
As I journey through life searching
for answers too, incomplete.
I have to stop and admonish my maker
the creator of reality.
That life is truely a  wonder a miracle at best,
Only GOD  can rightfully explain it and
bring us complete happiness.


Details | Bio | |

Things A Mother Might Say II



*******Note:*********
In time's that I was in trouble....


      ------

Wishing that you were
A better person
Make's you a better
Person now....

      ------
Where is my ceramic spoon?

                GF


Details | Haiku | |

Stop Complaining Now

were you born that way--
complaining all of the time;
if not, stop it now


Details | I do not know? | |

The Rainbow Climber

I love to climb up to the tippy-top of rainbows
 
pulling myself up on ruby red ribbons
 
and swinging on blue bonnet bows
 
It can be hard on me when the wild wind blows
 
A beautifully dangerous love affair, I suppose
 
Sometimes it can be a thorn
 
but most times it's a rose
 
This colorful little hobby that I chose
 
It always leaves me with sour yellow lips
 
fluorescent orange ears, and a neon green nose
 
from all of the slipping and sliding
 
and the running, hiding, and colliding
 
Where a rainbow ends nobody knows
 
As I close,
 
Let me just say
 
That the best part of my rainbow climbing day
 
is at sunset when all of the grey
 
has been washed away
 
and I reach the top 
 
and get ready to play
 
That's when I take a big breath
 
smile, and deny death
 
and I stop
 
and then I dance
 
on my tip-toes
 
and I spin around as my whole body glows
 
even my clothes
 
Then I'll slide down head first breathing in the highs
 
and breathing out the lows
 
I always make sure to slide head first into the mist
 
where I am colorfully kissed
 
and feel 5 years old
 
I bang my head
 
of blue, green, yellow, orange and red
 
on a giant pot of glittering gold
 
where all of my hopes and colorful dreams unfold


Details | Narrative | |

The Waffle House Way!

Customers are like bouquets of flowers passing through our twenty-four hours.
Breakfast, lunch, or dinner all 365 calendar days guaranteed for a full twenty-four seven.
“Hello Sir”! Welcome to Waffle House America’s favorite place to eat!
Some say we are the closest thing next to God's Great Heaven!
We have a confusing language of our own, the blabbering towers of the real “April Showers”
Service with a smile that has walked the many hard-earned extra tenths of miles,
Nothing computerized with files, just organized by our own genuine unique styles.
Waitresses are serving with hard enduring time and each crosses over a mighty fine line,
Master grill operators optimize a divine talent marking your plates perfectly aligned.
Friday and Saturday nights the party train arrives blessed coffee to the many lips we’ll revive.
Regulars and irregulars you’re served just the same, pardon me did I really get your name?
Loud ones, quiet ones, and even the picky ones strive to come back to us,
Here we bring back the basics of being alive.
Scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, peppered, capped, or topped? 
So do you want them “All the way or just partly aflame”!
Young, old, or different at being indifferent just being sane, 
Especially when the “Waffle House Way” is to say the first “HELLO”!
“Morning Mam”! Can I get you your usual or will you be having something different  “TO GO”?
Brief moments of insanity with the moods that walk through our doors, 
Thank God for every single one of those Jukeboxes!
The quality of service opening an eye to the sly foxes, 
We’d really be in trouble if we sold liquors!
Foreign, military, and even civilian are in and out, 
Our servers are like the gold stored at Fort Knox.
So what can we get you today that you haven’t already had before?
 “The Waffle House Way” America shouts!
 It’s like being home because that’s what we are all about.


Details | Light Poetry | |

My word you do look queer

You’re ninety two, well blow me down
I never would have guessed
You look so young and sprightly
And seem so full of zest
You’ve got your hair, its all your own
Your teeth are yours, not false
The way you talk, it’s obvious
Your mind’s intact, of course
What’s that you say, I’m sorry
Sometimes I can’t quite hear
It’s fifty two, not ninety
My word you do look queer 

© John W Fenn  22-05-2009


Details | Limerick | |

Halitosis

When a schoolteacher’s got halitosis
What his pupils fear most when he’s close is
That the smell of his breath
It  could choke them to death
And bring about chronic necrosis


Details | Rhyme | |

Excuses Excuses

Excuses Excuses
It's my way of  avoiding undesirable work
Allowing me to keep my sanity for better uses

Excuses Excuses
People can tell when I use them
I don't care, doesn't stop me
Everyone is guilty of using them
Much easier than hearing the backlash,
Of that one time I decided to be honest
And say “I don't want to do this, I'm sorry!”


Details | Quatrain | |

Well, here-s another nice mess you-ve gotten me into

Suffering with a toothache
Started on the weekend
Appointment on Monday
See the Dentist at ten

This was no wimpy ache
A “King Kong” of a hurt
I kept on popping pills
Still pain would not avert

By that Monday morning 
Pain spreading through my chin
At the end of my rope
Somehow this pain must end

We were at the building
A little before nine
We arrived there early
Hoping to save some time

Office on the third floor
I said, “Let’s take the stairs”
“No”, said my lovely wife,
“Elevator’s right there”

Push button number three
We started going up
Got between two and three
When it stopped abrupt

I pushed the HELP button
Then we heard someone say
“Maintenance has been called
So help is on its way”

“I’m in pain, need relief
Just how long might it be?”
“Takes them an hour or two
At worst it could be three”

“Should’ve gone up the stairs
But I listened to you”
"WELL", 
“Here’s another fine mess
You’ve gotten me into”


 


Details | Rhyme | |

The Christmas Letter, dedicated to my mother

I thought I would have, all my cards in the mail
You can tell that my pace, is that of a snail
I’m such a “go getter” and I hate sitting still
One things’ for certain, I haven’t lost my will.

All the testing, the blood work, x-rays and more
Thank goodness the lab, has a revolving door.
I’m covered in bruises, from head to my toes,
I say it’s ‘cuz, I punched a guy in the nose.

This pill, and that pill, it is hard to keep track
Is this for my stomach, my eyes or my back?
All of my treatments, are a thing of the past
I don’t have to see doctors, I’m free at last.

Believe it or not, hubby’s quite a good cook
And he doesn’t follow, a recipe book.
I’ve had to scold him every once in a while
“Please don’t leave that clean laundry, sit in that pile”.

He vacuums, does laundry and even does chores
Fixes washers, dryers and paints all the doors
He’ll relax in his chair, and he snores quite fast
When he gets loud, I’ll turn the TV full blast.

I have to admit, that it’s funny to see
Looking out that window, as he trims the tree.
I still try to figure, why men can’t “just trim”
NO, they hack, saw, and pull and leave just a limb.

The Grandchildren are growing, fast every day
Time passes quickly, which is scary to say.
Thank goodness for family, and friends such as you
May all of your dreams, and wishes come true.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR


Details | Fibonacci | |

How An Old Man Defines Love


Love 
is 
so cool,
it really 
does giggle ones’ heart;
viagra, though, is quite expensive!

 


Details | I do not know? | |

Girls, just do it

To MAKE a pattern for feet socks
you trace, you cut, you sew
When making BIScuits
you MEAsure, then knead your dough
to make Love
YOU see, You need, You know

Yes, it was my pattern
to find a man 
to cut me up

I kneaded someone
to measure me

Not anymore
I'm reporting to the girls
I'm happy and sincere
Please hear

Change a tire
or be tired 
not guilty

Don't take out the trash
for once be brash 
He won't starve
except for your attention 

It's worth it
to just be you
it's sexy
new

P.S. you may need a new one to do it....






Details | Acrostic | |

oldman

once there was an old man on a lane
he always had many cats
then he took a train
and went down another lane


Details | Rhyme | |

Vanity Insanity

The first clue to see, i'm totally insane,
watchin a squirrel, board a freight train,
then I saw frogs, it might have been dogs, fly a jet plane,
but i'm a dumbass, for they travel first class.

The second clue, which arrived in the post,
crazy and bonkers, it said i'm the most,
maniacal grin, head bobbing all about,
i'm laughing so hard, you'll have to shout.

The third clue found me while up town,
stood on my head, who's upside down?
Then some weird pervert, who said im an extrovert
did put his hand up my skirt.

The fourth clue caught me unawares,
a chill draught across pubic hairs,
my whole body did quiver, as it sent a shiver, right upto my liver,
with the wet warm release it duly delivers.

The fifth clue, I did completely miss,
easy to do, when covered in piss,
but I don't need no clues, to help me choose,
anyday give me Insanity above Vanity!

©John-Ovan.P.Hull


Details | Acrostic | |

Allergies


A choo! Achoo! Oh geez, here we go!
L ousy allergies putting on a show.
L ingering effects of pollen's assault,
E yes weeping, nose running, I wish it would halt.
R ecurring miseries with each seasonal change,
G uaranteeing discomfort, plans rearranged.
I ndecent exposure to dust mites and such,
E nergy draining meds a necessary crutch.
S niffing and sneezing - I've had enough!


Details | Senryu | |

Ying Yang

(Ying Yang)
Stagnant was his life;
Her capricious habits grew,
His ying was her yang


Details | Acrostic | |

Claustrophobia - another acrostic

Cannot
Long
Abide
Unusualy
Small 
Type
Rooms.
Once
Panic
Hits,
Ones
Breath
Is 
All gone.


Details | Rhyme | |

World Naked Gardening Day

I am not making any of this up.  It is a real and recognized 'holiday' all around the 
world if not in your hometown just yet.  It was reported on in the USA Today 
newspaper just this morning.  

 
What’s this world coming to
I read it just today
They’re promoting naked gardening
On the 14th day of May
It started back in 05
But has spread around the world
It’s all about the great outdoors
And doing it unfurled
It celebrates the weeding
Planting flowers in the buff
And trimming more than hedges
As if that’s not enough
It’s soaking up the sunshine
Big doses of vitamin D
And trimming trees and bushes
For everyone to see
It’s best to warn your neighbors
Or to work behind a fence
It’s not for the faint-hearted
But for those with confidence
But take it slow and steady
Don’t get in a big rush
Be sure to use some sunscreen
Or your cheeks will surely blush
If you’re handling a tool
Be careful of its edge
If your neighbor also gardens
Don’t linger near her hedge
Beware of poison ivy
Watch out for poison oak
Be careful what you pull on
Be careful what you poke
Come on – join the movement
The sun will do you good
You can beautify your own yard
Or your whole neighborhood
So now you know the story
I’ve laid the gauntlet down
It started in Seattle
You can bring it to your town
And all your friends and neighbors
Will stop – and then who knows
Maybe they will join you
(Be wary then of those!)


Details | I do not know? | |

C Da Dey I Rassled Ay Bear !

I rassled a bear when i was only two yars old...
I wooda kilt him had i not hadda cold.
I rassled with a crockedyle when i was three yars old...
I ritely brag cause i'm really quite bold.
I kicked a cougar's butt when i wuz but ownly four...
That day i ownly walked away just kindda sore, That
varment ran cause he didint want any moor.
I rassled wit a rhino won day, i made him wished he nevert sawed me, 
i made dat sucker pay.
Well today i just turnt five...
If yew mess wit me yew wont b 2 long alive.
Well, i gotta go pee pee, bye, bye. 
 
 


Details | I do not know? | |

S P A M

Those from the islands
consider it a feat
to partake of this meat.
They fry it for breakfast
and the day's not complete
unless it's stirred into soups
simmered to red heat.

(Refrain)
Not even Charlton Heston
would touch that intestine.
A Chinese yam
an old picnic ham
All take a front seat
to that pink, greasy meat.

A preliminary exam
of that container of spam
reveals the discrete
use of waste meat.

Bowels and snouts
the back of the lap
mixed with chassis lube
and other such crap.
Teats, and feet
stuff off the street
compound the most part
of that horrible meat.

{Refrain)

Yes, ma'am
We are serving spam
We are under the orders
of Uncle Sam.
We're conserving best cuts
by eating the guts and
conserving resources
by grinding up horses




Details | Rhyme | |

Mmmmm Mmmm Mmmm Yummy!/Ode to a Tomato

Just chewing a FRESH tomato
from off my potted plant
babied it all winter long
mmmmmm tastey
in a trance

sucking my teeth
smacking my lips
getting every DE LI CI OUS morsel
the mayonnaise has graced the space
between the bready foursome!

Just chewing a RIPE tomato
grew all by myself
lickin’ all the juicy juice
off my salt fingered self!


Details | Rhyme | |

IN AND OUT Hernia Shmernia

In the main, it's a pain in the brain.
Now just try not to buy I could die.
Patiently wait. Think, my fate will be great.
Now I'm face'n the preparation for the operation.

Pray'n for grace. Turn my face. Think 'happy place'.
'A little prick', then a stick. Oh, I'm sick.
Add Pepcid. not to dread. faith instead.
I'm in a huff; all this stuff.  Is it enough?

Another add. antibiotic, he said Keep my head. 
To the room. be over soon. What a boon.
'Slide on over'. Sure thing Rover. Where's the power?
Then I'm able, with a stable, on the table.

Modesty's rough in the buff. Think happy stuff.
In 'it' goes, head to toes. no more woes.
'Help me quick, I am sick'! Up I sit.
Out like a light. No more fight. All is right.

'Wake up dear', heard so clear, 'home is near'.
I want sleep! Don't make a peep you noisy creep.
'Wake up yes! Home is best. There you'll rest'.
Picking a bone, 'not so soon!', I sleepily moan.

Up and move'n, soon to be groov'n, life to be proven
Have no care. Had my share; fine's frog’s hair.
Only a glitch in m'gittalong hitch. That's a switch.
Home at last. Relax!  This gas, it too shall pass.




Details | I do not know? | |

Silly Me

Silly me
Eve gave me an apple
But I was on a diet
Ate spinach instead


Details | Quatrain | |

Curse of Rhyme

I cannot stop rhyming,
Is it a curse?
It started last night
And it keeps getting worse.
I started with quatrains,
And moved on to verse,
I guess it will end
When I'm put in a hearse.


Details | I do not know? | |

Supersize Me

Yeah, 
I'll have a #3
no onions and,
can you hang on a second?
Yes, 
I need to make an appointment.
Dr. Jones.
My Lipitor prescription needs refilled.
Okay, see you on the 14th then.
I'm sorry,
anyway,
can I get that with extra mayo?
uh, yeah, sure
supersize it too.
Two apple pies for only a dollar?
Yeah, go ahead 
add those.
Did I say no onions?
oh, okay.
Diet Coke please.


Details | Burlesque | |

Sarcasm Soup- Time to Take a Bath!

Time to take a bath
When the flies buzz around you
(and they are wearing masks!)
And the room deodorizer leaves the room
It's time to take a bath
Believe me, it's not too soon!

When the bathwater turns inky
And people say you're stinky
Time to take a bath
 When roaches start spraying you
White bathtowel a dark dark hue
It's time to take a bath!

When your visitors come, wearing surgical masks
Won't drink your drinks
Use only their own flask
And a bullet to the head
Is all you ask

And your primary doctor is Joseph Mengele'
Your only pet, a biting flea
It's time to take a bath

You've sunk so low, so very low
Your whereabouts, even you don't know
When the water jumps out of your tub
And your belly button is home for a grub
Maybe much more is needed
Just a bath may not do the trick
When no matter what you try
You make all others sick
Better start by sitting down with
a chisel or paint scraper
You've got so much work ahead, my friend
Your mind will turn to vapor!

ps- to those who commented on celestial traveler,
I'm glad to report I reworked the end...thanks for your constructive criticism.
regards, tom


Details | Rhyme | |

The Hot Dog Serenade

Icky nasty hot dogs,
Roley Poley meat logs,
Made of scraps from hens and hogs,
Delightful treat for rats and dogs.

Eat them up in pork and beans,
Eat so much you split your seams,
Eat too much they'll fill your dreams,
Wake you up with sweats and screams.

Trample people to the ground,
When those hot dogs are around,
Fight and punch and kick and pound,
Just to munch those hot dogs down.

Quiet now, just one more bite,
Then put the hot dogs out of sight,
The bingeing's done now for the night,
The heartburn later on to fight.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Bag Lady

The clothes she wore were twenty years old
Tattered and torn not much protection from the cold
The rusty cart she pushed with wheels well worn
The hair on her head needed to be shorn

Slowly into the emergency room she did enter
Just in time for her heart was tender
As she sat down in the chair
Her lungs no longer filling with air

Passed out onto the floor
Someone coming in through the door
Yelled code blue alert
Then the staff turned with a jerk

Everyone moved in hight speed motion
Some people wondered what's the commotion
Just like lighting to the operating room
Jane Doe was whizzed which was none too soon

After days of tender loving care 
Still unidentified she slipped away from there
Meeting her husband beside the road
Speeding away in their car they drove

She was no bag lady
But America's elderly poor
Who needed heart surgery
But couldn't afford the cure

(This is copied righted on LuLu's Poetry.com as are most of my work, some of which is 
supposed to be published in their anology series. Sara)


Details | Narrative | |

Stomach Flew

PEPTO BISMOL said to her friend, "MLANTA's coming over, what should I serve?"

Her friend replied, "Perhaps your ANTACID would like a PRILOZEC salad, if she has ZANTAC
of her TUMS.  If she's not hungry, you could take her to the MAAL OXspecially since you 
need to get some new ROLAIDS for your car"

"Yes, but the GAS-X so costly!  I don't know if I have enough PEPSID in my car to get there.
It LACTAID the last time I went to the store to get MILK OF MAGNESIA  for PHILLIPS.  And 
what if the lunch GAVISON upset stomuch?"

"Well, you could TAGAMENT along for her, especially if she's BEANO...full of ALKA SELTZER!"

"That sounds crazy!" said PEPTO BISMOL.

"Well, IMMODIUM giving you some suggestions!"


Details | Couplet | |

Eat Your Greens!

By Deb and Dane

“You need to eat real greens.” Mom alarm!
The child went for the ‘ucky Charms.

“What? You're eating sugar transformed!”
They don’t grow that on any farm!”

“You need to eat real greens.” Mom said.
Boyo reached for the Charms instead.

“But Ma. The box says it full of vitamins!”
“Better be! It wasn’t laid by hens!”

“That cereal is nothing but sugar, honey.
Companies sell it to makes lots of money.”

“Then, why’d Dad buy it for the house?
Did you plan to feed it to the mouse?”

“You need to eat garden-fresh food.
You know; been told, I’m in NO mood.”

“PLEASE, Ma!  Charms and milk won’t cause harm!
Milk does come from a dairy farm”

“’ucky Charms might be a nice snack,
But meals must be nutrition packed.”

“You eat lots of Charms, zap! It seems.
More vitamins than ‘ucky greens!

Three bowls downed were his tasty meal.
Out like a light, he seemed to reel.

(Sugar shock set in, burnt him out.)
He woke SO sick. Was there a doubt?

“We’re going to the Doctor now!
Mother said shouting "Holy Cow!"

He’ll give you a little pink pill.
To cure ALL your rambunctious ills

(Rushed to the doctor for some help.)
Sick as a 
dog was this young whelp.

Dad had to pay for ‘ucky Charms
Boyo paid for not eating FARM!

Corps. got paid, pill and cereal.
Doc. got paid  insurance by deal.

Round and round so this story goes.
EAT RIGHT and you'll stop THEIR green flow.


Details | I do not know? | |

The Internet

Sorry, T.V., I got another screen to check-out.

Sorry, my bodily heart, but I have another hobby
To ruin you until death do us part.

Sorry, my friends, but I got a new addiction.
(And your intuition is wrong if you've
Guessed the words "video game".)

Sorry, druggy fools,
I am not an addition to your shame.

Sorry, mommy and daddy,
I've got my own new set of rules.


Details | Rhyme | |

Friendship

If you read my poem - Comfort - these next two might make more sense.  I have to 
say that the three poems make a good trilogy of chemo side effects.

My New Best Friend

My new best friend
Imodium
Who stops you ere’ you go again
Imodium
Who’s there at your bitter end
Imodium
My
	New
		Best
			Friend

Mdailey	5/21/11
 

Imodium – Friend and Foe

Friendships come and friendships go
Imodium, just so you know
It binds you up and tightly so
So you never get to go
But get to go is normal – no?
And normal means you have to flow
Cause things build up and pressures grow
Well, pretty soon you’re bound to blow

So here I sit, relief I beg
I’m sitting on a powder keg!

PS
Exaggerate? I guess I tend
But it worked out well in the end 

Mdailey	5/18/11


Details | Burlesque | |

Anyone See Where I Put Part of My Face?

My bedroom wall and floor I did adorn,
With part of the face I once had worn
Now a real live Phantom I be,
Masked all up, so no one can see
Part bandage, part blood
You should have seen the flood!
Redyed my carpet sparkling red,
The color courtesy of my busted head

For several days I was a recluse,
For me it seemed of little use
To rise up,once again,
From my splattered bed,
To fall again and re-bust my head!

But clever tom is hard to stop
Even when his brain's a flop
I signed up for in home nursing
From my local escort service
This did not please that girl of mine
In fact it made her nervous
So she came over to help
Me see the error of my ways,
My head gushed more blood
For three more days
She left me in a bloody haze

Now in traction,
I pose no threat
Except to my mounting
Medical debt.



Details | Epulaeryu | |

Come On I Want Smore

Ideally assembled right
Sinfully scrumous
Molten mountain gooeyness
Recreational
Skewered fashioned drive
Do you want
Smore !




Details | Quatrain | |

tongue ode

the tongue is just another muscle
gives strength to what we think
amidst life's daily hustle bustle
helps thoughts to words interlink

so the father with his mother tongue
speaks to progeny generations come
lessons learned to offspring young
good ways to live, his rule of thumb

still would wince at his tongue lashing
flinching, blinking, cowering and meek
if shouted anger from lips came flashing
'stead of old man's jokes, tongue-in-cheek

but before I become too tongue-tied 
some tongue twister squarely knotted
I'll place my tongue-in-cheek aside
to address these words I've jotted

and tell of my admiration for tongue
no forked tongue falsehood to relate
some silver tongued notes clearly sung
of glossa tongues and hooks and baits

that lovely lingual muscle hydrostat
can do things fit for moans and groans
I can hint, alluding to this and that
of things we tongue like flesh and bones

I think you'll agree with my observations
presented to you, from my mind sprung
and think of your own tasty applications
many things budding the tip of your tongue

© Goode Guy 2011-07-04


Details | Cinquain | |

Balls

Balls
Base balls
some balls  fall
when balls fall it galls
Y'allz


Details | Bio | |

2 Hour Doze!

A new man I am!
2 hours dozing....
My brainmatter no longer oatmeal,
More in the consistency of rice krispies


Details | Free verse | |

Super Powers

Super Powers

I have super powers,
Haven’t you heard?

I can lift huge water towers
With my magic powers.

As fast as milk sours
I can make grown men cower.

My curves are so mighty
Just to see them,
You’ll find yourself
Running for hours.

My ears’hearing
Con penetrate thick walls,
When you’re miles away,
They will hear you
Singing about me
In the soapy shower.

When you kiss
My luscious lips
And sway with my
Slender hips,
You’ll moan
Much louder.

Because girls
As fine as me
Have super powers.


Details | Narrative | |

STRIKING IT RICH

Never attempting of striking it rich,
whenever my cravings give me another itch,
I'm used to a quite and simple life:
enjoying good food and sharing a coldl glass of wine 
when relatives and friends drop by;
why be someone you weren't meant to be?
Any millionaire around the globe,
sipping champagne desiring what I love?



With my beach cap pulled down, 
so that my short hair doesn't sizzle and change color,
as my light skin turns to a golden tan;
yes, I thank God for a breeze cooler than a fan!
Whole afternoons are spend on this pristine beach,
with a waterfront that a Californian will envy,
to melt away that old cliche' of vanity;
come down here...the East Coast is a wonderful shore! 



Low class, middle class and the upper one,
all share this unquenchable feeling,
to lay on the salty sand and begin to dream;
Am I talking non-sense or tackling the zest for living...
that this society has been unawarely denying??
 


Striking it rich is a temporary fancy,
imagining the possessions money will buy,
and many untaught temptations will materialize;
some will die by snorting deadly coke,
others squandering it on mistresses and hookers...
God, how the human spirit is corrupt  and consumed by lurid
and unhealthy desires that once were out of reach!  
And hopefully someone will ponder this,
to wake up to this gruesome, and parlous reality
and spend his or her fortunes wisely! 



What good people will do for the betterment of the deprived ones?
First give them love from the heart, then help them financially...
that's the smart way caring, of planning to strike it rich;
what's the use of looking at your glittering gold,
and not giveit  away to help anyone whose thirst and hunger
show in the sunken eyes...waiting for someone to feed their bellies!



If I ever stroke it rich, I wouldn't be here enjoying this sunshine, 
but I'll get out there and search for the needy and helpless ones,
and stop the selfishness and madness that money provides;
if I share my good fortune with them, others will follow my example,
and a real change will take place...no poverty everywhere in our world!
Follow me, and search for everyone alive...to give them back their precious life!

 

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Light Poetry | |

Pew Wee

Best day

   I'll Say

Was When

   Seen Him

Wipe Ass

   With Mask

I laughed

  Such Craft

Gasping

  Grasping

Tearing
   Hearing


Yelling

  Telling

I'm Done

  No  Fun


Details | Quatrain | |

Old Age??

My age is getting up there
middle age is knocking on my door
They say I shouldn't worry...
I'm only thirty four.

I'm noticing the wrinkles.
I sense that double chin
is creeping right up on me.
Fight gravity?? I can't win!

I use to feel so youthful.
I thought I'd never age.
Back then I planted flowers.
Today I'm growing sage.

Sometimes I forget my own age.
It's not that I contrive.
Like when I wrote my bio here
I SAID I'M THIRTY FIVE!!

Is that a sign of old-age?


Details | Senryu | |

' Argumentative ... ' 25th Senryu

‘ Argumentative ’   25th   Senryu 



        Argumentative …
… Just Like Being Derisive
    Need, More Laxatives


Details | Sestina | |

THE DREARINESS OF AN EMPTY HOME

After a hard day's work,
these weary feet drag me home,
with the urge of pulling the cork
from the red wine chilling in the cooler;
and smell steaming pasta primavera into a large bowl...
before I am tempted by my gluttonery desire!
  

Simple pleasures like relaxing my elbows
on a comfortable leather sofa,
with legs stretched-out on soft cotton pillows
and watching a dramatic soap opera;
pop-corn, potato-chips and beer...
yes, for a toast to health, indeed!


I may start to yawn and fall asleep...
unless, through my open window, spiders will slowly creep;
and crawl onto my arms and face,
but one sneeze blows them away, and
trust me on this:  the others won't certainly play around,
when they hear the scheme of my surprise!   


And if ideas bubble up into my energetic brain,
more plentifull than memories they'll tap this imagination;
and with pen and pad I'll spend hours contemplating inspiration,
and shouldn't it come swiftly while I cool off by the oscillating fan,
the dreariness of an empty home can effect my solitary mood:
and more than a melancholic moon...I'll vainly brood!


Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Alliteration | |

Lions and Lollipops

The lively lion liked lollipops.
He loved to eat and lick his chops.
But when he looked like eating me,
I ran to climb the tallest tree.

"Leo," I said, "don't climb up here."
He sias,"I can't, dear sir,
I'm filled with fear of high places
I never venture."   He smiled
And showed his pearly dentures.

"Come down," he said, " and we'll have a party."
I simple replied,"Don't be upset
If I am tardy and if I remain healthey and hardy."

"I won't be sad, just very hungry."  And thus Leo
walked away with lollipops all sticking out
Of hungry chops.


Details | Alliteration | |

Girl Girl Girl

Whether we wander wistful
whether we wander wise
we waltz wedding’s waltz; whenever
whatever weather
we’ll wriggle with wishful wives

Wind wispy willow
willy-nilly we’ll whirl 
we’ll widdle we’ll weave; whenever 
whatever weather
we'll waltz with wedding's wench

Well worthy we writers
who with words wrench









Finishing Line Press.  Book FAREWELL TO THE DUST, by C. S. Leaf avalible March 2008
www.FinishingLinePress.com


Details | Rhyme | |

Spare Parts

A heavy load 
As we get old
That middle spread
Becomes a dread

The waist expanded
Pants extended
Cannot bend
Pants descend

Cannot wear a thong
Seems so wrong
This  love handle grasp
Cannot last

With this spare tire
Losing weight becomes a desire
Exercise is my fate
Now I need a running mate.


Details | Bio | |

I. U. D.

Another tom tale of madness, and a true story.

I have some health issues,
One is Ventricular Fibrillation,
A life threatening heart condition,
But, if truth be told,
An even more serious rendition
Is Advanced Stupidity,
I'm master of fools,
My supposedly high IQ
The most useless of tools,

I have an implant in my heart
To keep me alive,
You'd think such a thing,
I'd know like my wife

But stupidity is strong,
As a trait can surely be,
And I am an example,
For all others to see

Last time to the hospital,
I trip I know all too well,
They asked me at once,
What's up Mr. Bell?

I kind of get confused,
With all the acronyms
Involved,
So I told them that I
Had not quite resolved

I had an I.U. D., I said
Thinking this was quite right,
And was quite surprised,
At the instant sight

Everyone smiled,
Or laughed out loud,
Seemed I was missing
The humor in this crowd...

It was not a heart implant
But I guess you already know
Goes to show you,
What a big shmoe...

They all had a laugh,
At my expense,
I hadn't a clue,
It didn't make sense....

Till someone did clue me,
What I had said,
I covered my head with sheets,
And wished I was dead!


Details | Free verse | |

How Do You Price a Smile?

Is it $1.99?
$9.99?
Or Mastercard's priceless?
I don't know....
But it's one way to grow...
To share a smile
No price too much...
Shows you have,
That human touch.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Spare a thought

Why is the Grim Reaper so skinny?
It’s because he is rushed off his feet
When so many people are passing away
He can’t take the time off to eat

So please spare a thought for the Reaper
Help him out till he gets a bit stronger
Do the poor fellow a favour
And try, if you can, to live longer

If he could just rest for a while
Put his feet up and eat some home cooking
He could get some flesh back on his bones
And he’d end up a bit better looking

So please spare a thought for the Reaper
If you’re thinking ‘bout dying, please wait
Oh ! Please spare a thought for the Reaper
‘cause, he’s got far too much on his plate


Details | Burlesque | |

An Unusual Talent

When I was young,
I would swear,
That I could taste germs...
Now, how would I dare?

My mother laughed,
Said I was crazy,
But I swore,
Everyone else's taste-buds,
Were just plain lazy...

And I went on to prove,
That I can pick,
Germs out on foods,
Cause sometimes,
I did get sick!!


Details | Free verse | |

The Dentist.

    Sitting in the dentists chair,
     I wish I was any where else but here.
     Am I scared no not  I,
     look at my clammy hands and you know I lie.
     I look around the sterile room,feeling and sensing only gloom.
      I  see the instruments by the side,
      wondering what secrets they hide.
      The door now opens wide,
      a man in a white coat steps inside.
       "Good morning Mr Dunford how are you today"
        Keeping my cool,"very well "Isay.
       He is now in front of me,and says"open wide let me see":
      As I open my mouth wide I feel the instruments 
       poking inside.
        The next words "two fillings are missing,"
        don't help at all  I wish I could run away,
          but I know I have to stay.
         As the drilling starts you can hear my heart,
         my pulse is getting faster,
          I think I am going to fade away,
         no please God not today I  don't want to go this way.
         
      


Details | I do not know? | |

Bad, Bad Foods

Raw, raw foods
Ain’t the true goods for you.
You can die hard from raw intoxication,
Contamination, I-in-inflammation…!
Cook ‘em all the way through, yo.
“Y’all chef and staff,”
“Yes…?”
“I can’t eat this. Its raw, raw m-meat—is r-raw-raawh meat!”
“Oh…. Well its just fine, some people do it all the time.”
“I ain’t like them others, and this food is clearly undercooked…”
Leavin’ the restaurant, no tip,
Bee’cause I got a grip and oh yes,
Raw grease on da floor, I see the chef slip. 
Actin’ like its nothing, but really—
Its bad, bad foods. Raw, raw food.
I ain’t gonna buy it, nor eat it if already bought’n it.


Details | Burlesque | |

A Pair of Friggen' Flip Flops!

I've got these deviant flip flops
Cheaply made, I will admit
But they're masters of torture
Though you may not give a sh_t

The right's thong attachment
Comes loose with every step
I've tripped so far 8 times
I've even had times I wept!

I reattach this toe stud
Every minute, or less, I'm sure
And that's if I'm not too lazy
I should do it far, far more

I,ve pondered pragmatic solution
So far evasive ,it seems, to me
Duct tape (one of God's great wonders!!), glue, nails try horseshoes?
Drivin' me crazy as you can see

So I hung them on the wall
To be my dartboard's new bullseye
And squeal with great delight
Every time that I should hit them
I guess I'm quite a sight!

So is this what my life has come to?
My footwear my arch-enemy?
I suppose, just now, I'm ready once more,
For a psychiatrist's intense therapy.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Exercise

Granny, you need to push back the plate
Or go down stairs and work on that weight
Granny, you needed to start watching what you ate

Oh! That hurts, you weigh too much
I don't mean to be a grouch and such
But when on me your whole weight touch

My springs start to sag and padding goes flat
Especially when you also add the fat cat
Or that chubbie granddog who weighs ..well fat

Promise me you'll make a new year's resolution
To lose ten pounds that would be the solution
No more confections  or pizza or fries try exercise, exercise

(I could not think of one from a chair's point of view and I know that you will find this 
strange but I am through.  For the Speak, Chair contest.)


Details | Rhyme | |

Wishing Star/Candy Bar

If you want to lose some weight
Here's some advice you may want to take

If you wish upon a star
While you eat a candy bar
Very soon you will see
You can't wish away those calories

A healthy diet and exercise plan
Can help you more than  wishing can
So, while you wish upon that star
Throw away the candy bar


Details | Burlesque | |

Sickle Cell Bulimia

I was in a hurry
To weight only forty
Had no time for a drawn
out diet
So decided I would try it
Bought a sickle
Carved off my flesh
It didn't tickle,
But the blood was fresh

Got on the scale,
With my dying breath
Couldn't read the weight
Too much blood
And it was now too late

I probably weighted but twenty
A skeleton was I
Exceeded my desired weight loss
But for this I had to die.


Details | Rhyme | |

LIP PRINTS

It doesn’t matter who you are, or what kind of job you do,
If there are bloody kids about, they’ll teach you a thing or two,
And I don’t mean helpful teaching; I mean antagonizing you,
With stupid little pranks that leaves a bloke like me to rue.

I never had this sort of problem when I managed in a bank,
If one of the tellers took this stand I’d call them more a crank,
They’d be pushed outside the door with a more than gentle spank,
And they’d join the unemployment lines with only me to thank.

But I got sick of handling money that would never end up mine,
So I took a handsome package that I thought would do me fine,
But I got bored in my retirement and then one day I seen a sign,
A high school needed a caretaker and this job could be divine.

I applied and I got lucky, therefore my working life expands,
Mopping floors and weeding gardens, is work the school demands,
There’s the spouting full of leaves, clearing drains and dirty hands,
And of course, there is cleaning toilet’s that no user understands.

Like I said there are some kids, who want to always, try you out,
This time it was the older girls, with an issue they would flout,
These girls would don their lipstick and each day without a doubt,
Would press their mouths against the mirror leaving lip prints all about.

That bloody lipstick can be greasy and a mongrel thing to clean,
I didn’t let them get to me by making quite a livid scene,
But it gave me time to think about some angles on hygiene,
So I called a meeting with the headmaster, who’d be my in between.

Every girl adorned with lipstick was summoned to the dunny,
I heard giggling from the few, who thought this, would be funny,
And I knew they knew what’s going on, and that I was their bunny,
But the looks upon their faces soon…you couldn’t buy with money.

The principle indulged the guilty girls, by saying “Every night,
Those leaving lipstick marks upon the mirror has given some delight,
To our caretaker in his job, who must put up with this plight,
And to prove it to you guilty girls, he’ll clean your mirror so it’s right”.

I could see the girls had lost their smile, and frowns were on their face,
When I lifted up the brush I held and without no airs or grace,
I dipped the brush into the toilet bowl, and now I rest my case,
For there’s no lip prints on a mirror, within a bull’s roar of the place.


Details | Burlesque | |

Social Service Saviors

on line for 8 long hours
nervous and at a loss
how are their logistics organized?
what madman could be the boss?

they call my name, and I arise
"Sit Down!-Nevermind!" they bark
much to my surprise
my case manager's furrowed brow
gives clue to how he does feel
something's amiss in social service land
we're here to apply for benefits
we're not here to steal
I've gone through crap you'd not believe,
but this is just surreal

soon they called us aside
to admit their great mistake-
seems their internal communications
proved to be a sad, sad, sad, sad fake

now they tell me something
that I'm told that I must heed
I've got to come back twice more
to prove that i can read!
and if it turns out,
that i can read and write,
I must return again next day
to explain to them my plight!

I shake my body in disbelief
I shake and scratch my head,
for by the time these
Bozos get to help me
I'd be long buried, and long long gone-
 and very, very dead!


Details | I do not know? | |

Rest

Backache
Headache
Congested head.
~
I can't sleep 
when I go to bed!

Coughing 
Sneezing
Watery eyes.
~
Alone and miserable
no one hears my cries!

Tired 
Drained
Badly stressed!
~
What I'd give 
for a month of rest!


Details | Rhyme | |

SMILE

Dental work, dental work, it never seems to end,
Railroad tracks, bridge and gap, till polygrip your friend,
Flossing here, brushing there, tooth decay averted,
Rinse the mouth, fresh and clean, our taste buds alerted,
Though we brush, sometimes floss, some germs will still remain,
Business lunch, late night snack, the germs now play their game,
What the heck, who's to say, just how to live your life,
Do your thing, have a fling, who needs the extra strife,
Drills and picks, dental aids, we see them twice a year,
So have some fun, pizza run, and chase it with a beer.


Details | List | |

Not Enough Life Insurance

My life is technically half over
Wouldn't do any good to complain
So here's a list of things I want to try
Before I go insane...


Skydive
Bungy Jump
Go on a Safari
Wake Board
Rock Climb
Drive a race car
Swim with the dolphins
Camp in the Grand Canyon
Do 360's in a jet

There's nothing wrong with dreaming
I'd probably pee my pants
I can handle that part
I just can't find good insurance!


Details | Free verse | |

In Need Of Therapy

Ulysses Rudolph Roberts
a Federalist by default
laid on the couch
and spilled out his guts
to a women he
envisions to be
the ultimate 
siren of shrinks.
With her hair in a bun
books, glasses
and that half buttoned
blouse thing.
He cried and he shook
over the battles he fought
and how everything
that ever happened
was never his fault.
After all
he would reason
he had built
the best fortress
in all God's Kingdoms
with ultra thick walls
turrets and draws.
The tallest
strongest and soundest
in all worlds.
So what if he had to kill
capture and rape
in order to feed 
the armies he made
he had God's blessings
His sacred grace.
Yet, Ulysses was
still cowering in the arm
of an old red couch
and crying out loud
It's Not My Fault!
as the Doctor scribed
delusional 
pathological 
denial...


Dean Walker


Details | Rhyme | |

Carbohydrate

C is for the Cellulite on my hips dear
A is for my Abs which got so big
R is for the Rich food I've been eating
B is for the Bingeing like a pig
O is for the Oval shape of my body
H is for the Humungous meals I eat
Y is for You telling me I'm too fat dear
D is for Down below I can't see my feet
R is for the Raisins on my sundae
A is for the Apple in my pie
T is for the Tons of stuff I've eaten
E is for the Edibles without red dye

Put them altogether they spell CARBOHYDRATE
They can make you physically unfit
So, I am sitting here and wondering
Just how many are in my banana split.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Shrink

Why would you waste your money?
To pay a shrink or quack
If you want to hear you’re crazy
I can tell you that

How can you take them seriously?
As you lie in the chair
While they fall asleep behind you
You’re really quite unaware

They take notes of what you say
Or that is how is seems
When really they are doodling
The woman of their dreams

They get you really emotional
And then say “times up”
How can then be so limiting
When they see you’re in a rut

But they never seem to cure you
It’s always something new
Your dad dressed in girls clothes
And so they say will you?

They never seem to smile
Until you pay the bill
Then they turn to you and tell you
You’ll be back you know you will

You have unresolved issues
That lurks within your brain
Without constant sessions
You will go insane

And so they have you hypnotized
And there you shall stay
Your unrelenting problems
A shrink now has its prey.

Nadine Hof 1 March 2007


Details | I do not know? | |

Chi

A Question of Chi…
I see. A man once known to me,
By the name of G.
His Madness,
On my Path.notes,
So float in my mind.
Playful and kind,
His voice on the wind…
Passed his Way on April's day.
I read the headline say...
With an ache and a chill,
I read, his heart was still…
S’okay, my mind say…
His voice has come this way….
Soke. A Do.

===============================
"...I left you my Lotus, Lion.Ness..."

What do I ride and who do I see.
Spyder come by to sit with me.
Gord.So guard I'll be.
On.to the Wind,
In the Guardian Sea.
Are you courting insanity...
Or is that just Me?


Details | Rhyme | |

Bad, Bad Email

I received an email the other day.
At first the message, was evil to say.
It was about bacon grease, do not use.
Warnings, warnings, never to excuse,
Reading onward about the danger to see,
Then an awful picture, did I start to see.
I thought of veins clogged, medicine to take.
Also of a heart attack, while my body did shake.
Then came along a real picture, attached,
A large figure, one that could never be matched,
You see, my first thought how cruel and mean.
When along came the caption that could be seen.
It read be careful bacon fat, most dangerous of all
Careful my friends, it will make your feet too small.


Details | Burlesque | |

The Texas Electric Toothbrush Massacre

a frightful way to die
making your gums
bleed you to death
how evil is this dentist?
"Featherface" he's called
while you sit in
the dental chair
quaking with terror,
he puts on his
feathered boa
whips out electric brush
rips your flesh
right out of your mouth
oh, too gruesome
to even think!!
and when the torture's over
he says
"now spit out in the sink!"


Details | ABC | |

Eating (

You've got the face of a pepperoni pizza and the body of a mason jar
You use your body as a storage unit for Hot Pockets, Doritos and fudge bars
Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey
You are the king or queen of the junk food junkies
Peanut butter toast with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup
But the chocolate milk shake always comes first
You get your breakfast directly from the king
Dessert is always the queen
Appetizers are pizza rolls
Followed by the doughnut holes
The doughnuts themselves you will have later
While in the parking garage elevator
For dinner, no surprise, it's Taco Bell
Still hungry? Well have three ice cream sandwiches with Magic Shell
At midnight, it's time for bed
A movie comes on, so you have a soda and chips instead
At 4am you want to get some rest
Not before your omelette with Egg Land's Best
Your grocery bill has become a car note
You curse the cost of food, with a mouth full of a Banana Boat
I don't know how you do it, as you strut through town
I wish I could freely and not worry about my pounds
Some say it's aggression, others say depression
Well something has made your appetite enter the fourth dimension


Details | Rhyme | |

Elevator Ride

Walking down a long corridor
In the hosiptal on the first floor
Just going to visit a friend
Hoping for him its not the end

A person in gray in same hallway
Coming from the opposite
Side, enter the elevator
With us he abides

Going up he ask us
I am planning on that
When my eyes clear
I see that EMS shirt he wears

Just making small  converstion
He ask if we are all right
I say yes, why are you
Looking for customers tonight

(Sorta of Rhyme)


Details | Free verse | |

An old familiar

An old familiar,
all too clear;
as you roll on your back
and new tempo appears.

Repeated chug 
of train runs through;
no nightmare is this
for it’s all from you.

Constant your whistle,
your engine is stoked;
as I try to disturb you
you snort, gag and choke.

Rolled over you're peaceful,
all is quite in our home;
the train in the distance,
'Till on rear you do roam.

I love you dear dearly
as I lay by your side,
and I’m drifting to sleep now
with sun, sand and tide.


Details | Cinquain | |

Got Heartburn { Cinquain}

                                                        Heartburn
                                                      Gastric acid
                                            Bad burning sensation
                                         Caused by a regurgitation
                                                         Buildup


Details | Haiku | |

"IN YOUR EAR"


WHISPERING IN YOUR EAR.


WILL PUT A GRIN ON YOUR FACE.


MEMORY WILL LAST.


Details | Rhyme | |

Sleep

This I do know
to sleep I would go
That's what I need
on my knees I plead.

A dream or two
I just can't do
My eyes all red
toss and turn in bed.

I read and write
stay up all night
My mind will race
about things I can't face.

All my worries creep out
they scream and shout
I would pay any price
just to sleep at night!


Details | I do not know? | |

The Flu

Coughing
Sneezing
Runny Nose.
Am I getting sick,
do you suppose?

Tired 
Achy
Watery eyes.
This bug caught me
by surprise!

Nausea
Fever
No appetite.
I have the flu,
I'd say that's right!


Details | Rhyme | |

Prayer

Every time I see Billy Mays
My brain goes into a dark, dark haze.
I dream of ways to "dispatch him",
Chances of me meeting  this jerk
So nigh impossible, yet they lurk
Inside my usually useless mind
This would be my one chance
To make a life worth the work,

Like using "super-putty"
To cling 4 pounds of C-4
On his back
And watch him soar
Into the stratosphere,
To annoy us no more...

Or stick "Hercule's Hooks"
in his thighs,
And throw sharp darts,
At his eyes

Or make him drink
A cocktail made with "Kaboom"
And watch him, chuckling,
While in the room he did zoom

Or dunk him in his miracle tarnish remover,
See if he reactes all the sooner
As layers of Bullsh_t are stripped away,
I wonder , then, what he'd have to say!

He screams at me, late at night,
To buy his crap, 'cause it is just right
To solve problems I don't have
And just pay "Shipping ans Handling"
And he'll double my salve

Where has dignity gone?
Surely Billy Mays does not host
As a tour-guide on either coast
And if aliens did abduct him.
Who could blame them 
for doing us in?


Details | Prose Poetry | |

Stitches

To those of you who showed concern, thanks, but it was merely an attempt at 
humor; how some would be glad to shut me up....thanks again, tom


Details | Rhyme | |

The Single Lamb

I am but a single Lamb
One of many in a flock
When I speak to the Lord
I do not stutter as I talk
Think that’s why I love to write
Fluent as one could be
When I try to speak the words
It’s impossible for me
Bugs bunny and I are alike
Hbad-uh , hebad-uc. hbad-uh
Right by our name
What ever in life we may do
That’s our claim to fame


I'll be the first to admit that the humor  
is a little dry - This is based on my life - 
Most of my life I stuttered - still do but
I've made my peace with it - tilt your
head to the left then twitch real fast 
while batting your eyes To get the full 
effect of the h-bad-uh h-bad-uh line.


Details | Burlesque | |

Walking In My Winter Underwear

a parody on song "Winter Wonderland"- inspired by my winter alone in an 
unheated house.

"Come away, I am threadbare
Snow is falling....
Where there' be hair..

A cold-as_sed dam_  night
It's really a fright
Walkin' in my winter underwear..

Butt-cheeks gleaming
Through the holes, near the seaming
A nasty cold a_s,
My skin is blue cast
Walkin' in my winter underwear..

In the meadow we can make a snowman
And pretend that he's an EMS
He'll say- "sonny is that really you?"
Or did someone paint you a_s blue? 

Later on, I'll perspire
When I light...
My a_s on fire....

It burns so that way
I'm happy so say
Walkin' in my winter underwear...."


Details | Etheree | |

Theres Something About H2O { Double Etheree}

                                                          There's 
                                                        Something
                                                         About our
                                                    drinking and our
                                   shower water in this country of ours
                                    And that is that it just plainly and does
                                                       Really suck  all
                                                         The frigging
                                                            Fracking
                                                                Time          {LOL}
                                             
                                                 
     




Time For Better H20
    In this country


Details | Rhyme | |

Oh Lordy Me

You know when you get my age nothing seems to go right
The first problem I had I thought I was losing my sight
I saw this girl she looked as pretty as can be
Then when she got up close I said "OH LORDY ME"

Then I started having problems with my right hand
A knot came up on the back of it and the pain oh man
It seems like it started going to sleep on me
I'd shake it and I'd rub it then I said "OH LORDY ME"

The next thing that happened was the pain in my hip
I took so much medicine I stayed on a psychodelic  trip
The pain seemed to go down to my back and my knee
I'd just grit my teeth and say "OH LORDY ME"

Then of all things my knee went out on me
It was weak and bowed like a branch on a tree
I couldn't stand or walk it just went limp you see
OH MY, OH MY, I said "OH LORDY ME"

Now I'm afraid to even get out of bed
I know these problems are getting to my head
I might as well roll over and play dead you see
Nothing is working right anymore "OH LORDY ME"


Details | Narrative | |

The Art Of Growing Old

    
As the days become shorter and cooler,
   And my age climbs a little farther up the ruler.
Life has taken on a new and wonderful meaning.
   I’ve finally reached a point in life that many take to be demeaning
I am an official member of the Old Timers Club,
   It’s an elite and prestigious hub.
There is just one rule to join in this niche,
   You have to be as old as a rock and still able to scratch your own itch.
No dues are charged we just gossip a lot, 
   About what’s wrong with so and so and the ailments we’ve got.
How many medications you’re on or what new thing the doctors have removed,
   And what side effects they have and whether they’re F.D.A. approved.
Sometimes we reminisce about family till someone starts to cry.
   Then we just sit there rocking thinking on days gone by.
There is one true saying, if you live long enough you too will grow old.
   So far it’s not a crime but they’re working on that I’ve been told.
This exclusive club is known for its heartache and pain,
   But a lot of love is shown as long as you remain.
It’s something we’ve earned and we have the scars to show.
   That growing old is not always the best way to go.
As long as we’re able to gather or talk,
    And know that some one still cares whether we can stand and walk.
I guess maybe it’s support this thing we seek.
    Cause growing old alone truly makes life reek.
I think loneliness is the worse fear of all,
    Just waiting out your days and longing for somebody to come by or even just 
call.
The young act like old age is a contagious disease,
   They might catch it if you happen to sneeze.
I remember when depends was a state of mind,
    Not something you wore around your old behind.
With that little thought I think I’ll close for now.
     That’s about all I think they’ll allow


Details | Burlesque | |

The Pair' A Docs

these well schooled
and vastly trained minds
do confuse me so, somehow...
with their duel diagnoses,
I finally had to vow

to take their conclusions,
with several grains of salt
some seem so ludicrous
 not worth to put in my mind's vault

one said I'd be dead soon,
one said that I would last,
he gave me five-to ten years
to him, so simply my life was cast

I could not but help to smile,
these nerdy brains of high grade steel...
so casual and flippant their style
did they think how I might feel?

so I asked for a lolly-pop
a staple for children 
in my younger day
not that I wanted to lick it
well, this is hard to say....
I had plans for where to stick it,
so it'd never see the light of day.


Details | Bio | |

An Engaging Visit To The Hospital

Last night I had a face to face confrontation with my floor.  I redecorated it in 
crimson red.  A poorly thought out medicinal cocktail, mixed with a bit too much 
wine, helped me demonstratre Issaac Newton's theory of gravity. As well as 
adding further evidential proof to the theory of entropy.  Now blue and purple have 
always been my favoite colors, so I was pleased to see my now "tie-dyed" torso.
I had a number of pleasantries in strore for the staff- like my usual red "TRAUMA"
stickers on my forehead.  And, of course, I always sign in as Randell P. McMurphy
I find  a hospital setting a good place to have some fun, well, at least if I'm not 
dying.  Sleep well, my friends.


Details | Free verse | |

My Chorus

My chorus is always performing.
It sings daily.
Multiple voices ringing aloud,
rarely in unison, chanting their own ditty.
Each nightingale croons
sweetly in my mind's ear.
I resist the temptation at conversation.
I turn my head like an antenna
to change the voices.
I often contemplate, is it a voice
or a random thought run astray?
It is difficult to differentiate,
I wish I could decrease the volume.
There must be some remedy
to dislodge my choir.
Until then, I will remain
an auditory audience
chained to this accompaniment.


Details | I do not know? | |

I'll break my foot off in your ###

(This is a fictional poem)

You come in my store and try to buy liquor from me.
You expect me to sell it to you even though you have no ID.
I can tell that you're under twenty-one.
If I sell to you, I'll go to prison.
When you asked for a bottle of Jack Daniel's, I gave you one upside your head.
The broken glass cut you and my carpet was ruined when you bled.
You think if you keep coming back that I'll eventually give in.
I'll break my foot off in your ### if you come back again.


Details | Narrative | |

My Little World

 

I feel so small,
   In the spectrum of it all.
No more important than a mere speck of dust,
   Lost in this matrix with no one to trust.
With no will to climb higher, 
    Scared of being burnt as I near the flames of the fire.
All trust has vanished throughout time,
    Putting your trust in another can often leave you feeling like slime.
Emotions can only blind you,
    And keep you from doing the things you need to do.
Your heart is your most tender of garments, 
    Especially when worn on your sleeve exposed for all to torment.
And if exposed for too long it is said it will turn to the hardest of stone,
    Isolation is wrong for the heart can’t stand to be left all alone.
So there we go again the circle is complete,
    Trust or isolation without companionship we’ve met defeat.
And without trust no companionship will be had,
    So forget what I just said I think I’ve just gone mad.
A white coat a padded room, 
    A safe place for brilliant minds to bloom.
It’s never to late to get it right,
    At least that’s what my doctor tells me most every night.
Said my mind just needed a rest,
     As he shows me pictures for some kind of test.
See ya later,
     Irish tater.


Details | Pantoum | |

C-4 Care

Today, what the whole world need is a box of c 
To be delivered with such seriousness and care 
Keeping safe the heaven’s gate and its sacred key
It will give safety and pleasure for those who share 

To be delivered with such seriousness and care 
Assorted flavor of peach, cherry and strawberry 
It will give safety and pleasure for those who share 
Hmm, with aromas that can last for an hour or three 

Assorted flavor of peach, cherry and strawberry 
A thin rubber hat of baby pink and sweet cream 
Hmm, with aromas that can last for an hour or three 
Extracted, perfectly, from fresh fruits of my dream 

A thin rubber hat of baby pink and sweet cream 
Keeping safe the heaven’s gate and its sacred key 
Extracted, perfectly, from fresh fruits of my dream 
Today, what the whole world need is a box of c 


Details | Rhyme | |

Amnesia (Mixed Rhyme)

Love, you know I yelled at this lady;
Not that I envied her slim body,
But ‘cos she claimed, you as her buddy;
She asked me if your name is Teddy;
Her son said: please, return my daddy.

So, I ask you: Is there something I should know?
Just be honest, and I’ll not start a fight;
Gee, I’ve no idea of this lady you saw; 
Have not you guarded the bird very tight!? 

Then, why was she looking for you? 
All I ask myself is why;
She’s cold stare; as I passed by,
She said, you and her, is this true? 

Oh please, stop it, honey! It’s just in your mind, 
Those silly things that I never even thought; 
Thou my heart is such a rhymer, still, I’m thine; 
And you really think, by her, I will be caught?

Maybe, she’s not in her good head;
But, her son looks like you, she said; 
Enough, here you go again; 
You know, your nagging makes me sick! 
Outraged, she hit him with a stick;
He laughed at her, with disdain.

Insulted by his deeds, she pushed…and pushed him;
And he fell, banging his head against a beam;
This caused him to see dancing stars in a gleam.

Shook his head….and walks to the door,
Leaving her, sobbing, on the floor.

Love, where are you going? She asked.
He looked back and said with voice, hushed. 

I’m going to my wife and son.
She screamed: No, no…you are my man!

You? Never met, my name’s Teddy.

And, you are not my slim lady.


Details | I do not know? | |

Dentists!!

(This is a fictional poem)

When I went to the dentist, I was not thrilled.
It scared me to death when he used his drill.
He went in my mouth and started drilling.
He forgot to use novocain so you can imagine the pain I was feeling.
I asked him to stop but he said no.
I pushed him with my foot and he went out the window.
He didn't hit the ground, he landed in some trash.
Maybe what I did was a little rash.
After getting out of the dumpster, he came back to his office and yelled.
His employees ran out because he smelled.
He popped me in my mouth with his fist.
He told me to get myself another dentist.
When I went to a new dentist, I got in a real mess.
As I came to, he was getting dressed.
The same thing happened to me that happened to Seinfeld.
You should've heard how much I cussed and yelled.
I took the dentist to court and I learned that he did the same thing to the judge 
and to my attorney too.
The three of us took him outside and beat him black and blue.
It sure was fun to get revenge.
After that, he never practiced dentistry again.


Details | Ballad | |

Ruby In The Sky With The Sandman

What would you do,
If I snored out of tune,
Would you dump a pail of water on me?

Lend me your pillow
And I'll snore you out a croon,
I will try to keep my snoring to me....

Ruby; I don't have a sandman,
but I do have two concrete users,
Rocco, and Vinny (Asphalt Vinny, they call him)
and I hear they're lookin' for me!



Details | Senryu | |

Die(t)

The doctor says diet,
but just the same I will die,
ah, just eat, then die.


Details | ABC | |

A Girl Named Puddin' (

She is round and short, but very sweet
This is not the kind of girl for bare cupboards, she loves to eat
If you invite her to dinner,  please be advised
She will want her second helpings twice
So budget your food bill considering her invitation
You will be cooking all night, so the next day for work, ask for vacation
If she comes in the kitchen, she will insist on fresh and hot cookin'
At 5ft 2, eyes of blue and 275, she is called Puddin'
She says she entered a non-televised world wide event, hotdog eating contest 
against Kobyashi and won
It was rigged so he was handed the prize, a lot of favoritism from the judges who 
all are from the land of the rising sun
Her toaster pastries must be Pop Tarts
On a flight she pays for an aisle and her own dinner cart
She demands that her food be cooked with utensils that are wooden
She is a wondrous creature and her name is Puddin'
The doctor tells her she must cut back on her intake or suffer a heart attack or a 
stroke
She no longer drinks regular soda, it is now  all the dollar menu items and a Diet 
Coke
The last time I heard about her and her whereabouts
She lives above a seafood eatery and lives on oysters, refried beans and dishes 
that complement Trout
So I say good luck on your endeavors, if you ever see her, I hope you wouldn't
She is always ready to eat, may we bless that girl named Puddin'


Details | Verse | |

a last word for pat.

this is an epitaph to uncle pat,
who died because he got over fat,
for breakfast he had cereals and toast,
but only two loaves of bread,he'd boast.
then for lunch,fish,chips and mushy peas,
he could eat three helpings of these,
then for tea,eight sausages,bacon and eggs,
until his weight finally broke both legs.
from his hips down they used a ton of plaster,
to each foot they fitted a castor,
a stool with wheels under his bum,
then liquid food,oh that made pat glum.
but very soon his belly began to shrink,
it started to make pat stop to think,
he said"gosh it's years since I've seen the floor"
i won't eat rubbish food no more,
his pot came off,a slim pat he did see,
i'll reward myself with a cruise to be free,
he drank wine after supper,he got very drunk,
then broke his neck when he fell from the bunk.


Details | I do not know? | |

That damn two cents!

(This is a fictional poem)

I had to pay two cents to the post office because of you.
Now opening a can of whoop ___ is what I'm going to have to do.
It really makes me mad because money doesn't grow on trees.
I would rather have had my privates cut off than to part with those two pennies.

You put a thirty-nine cent stamp on the envelope because you forgot that postage 
has been increased.
There should be a law against what you did because I would call the police.
When I cussed you out, you had the nerve to call me a creep.
Just because I didn't want to part with two cents, you said that I'm cheap.


Details | Burlesque | |

Twenty-Five

Twenty-five wounded pedestrians,
At my door...
Twenty -five
Barely alive...
What should I do?
Call twenty-five ambulances?
Twenty-five EMS?
How'd I ever,
Get in this mess?

Why's everyone always comin'
To my door?
Has it got twenty-five
Pheromones?
Twenty-five scents?
Twenty-five invitations?

Perhaps I've gone mad
And no-one's there
I sit in my room,
And at the wall stare

Till they come to get me
Who-ever they are
If I answer the door,
They'll put my brain in a jar.


Details | Burlesque | |

Tidbits of Madness Part 3

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner....cause then I'd be in somebody's buns.

"I shall return!" I said to my last wife, last time I saw her in 1989.  McArthur I isn't!

Why are women so much smarter than men?  Probably cause they have brains.

I never realized just how stupid I was until I went to the eye doctor's.  See "A bad 
day at the eye doctor's" poem.

My eye doctor seemed to catch on real quick as to how stupid I was.

I hate to say it, but I think Rodney Dangerfield would make a better president.

Excuse me, but what year is this?

Did you ever wake up and realize the best part of your day was over?

I have a picture of me, when younger, flying in the air,in my karate days, kicking 
butt.  Now I need help just to pick up the picture.

How did I earn the nickname "Skuzz-Bucket"- I don't even own a bucket!

I guess the best thing about getting old is you got less time to suffer.

Wives- I need a chain letter.  Alimony?  Can't squeeze an orange that's already 
orange juice.  Excuse while I take the pits out of my hair.

And to my fans, I say thanks- wish I could afford an air conditioner though.

My "friends" gave me a room aerosol air freshener.  Seems the main ingredient 
was Zyklon-B.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Have a" happy"!  What a crock!

My doctor said he'd pay me not to come anymore.

He wanted me to join the "Euthanasia Club"

I didn't pass the test, however- they said I was brain dead too long.

Even the Girl Scouts mock me- they ask me for cookies!

I once had a girlfriend named "Cookie"  She was cute, but her butt was chaffed 
from bed-hopping.

Ever try to nail a girl while she's hopping on the bed?

Well goodbye my friends- see ya'll real soon...(Genuine White Trailer Trash 
Lingo)!!



Details | Quatrain | |

Sick!

The poor little boy who cries in the night
His stomach is giving him pain
I wish I could make him all better right now
But now my stomach’s feeling the same.

A bug, it has entered into my home 
And seems to have hit us all hard
Oh, I can’t wait until we’re all better
Because we can’t even leave our own yard

Staying close to the house is what we do now
Running…oh, yes, that is what we do
This stomach bug’s got its claws in us
And is making us sit here and stew

The image, I know, it isn’t that pretty
Nor is it happy or pleasant at all
But I’m only sharing so you’ll lock your door
When that bug comes to your house to call.

Watch what you eat and watch what you drink
Don’t step outside not properly dressed
Or you’ll get this bug like the rest of us
And be your own worst house guest.

Take my word, please, oh friend of mine,
Six of us are sick all at once
With only one bathroom in this whole house
Being sick just isn’t that fun.


Details | Senryu | |

Oh My Food! (Senryu)

fly crushed onto glass 
lost, trapped, can’t find its way out 
buzzed for help but zapped! 



Details | Burlesque | |

Flush, Don't Blush!!

I realize you were in a hurry,
to get into the john,
But sometimes one in a hurry,
forgets how fast
 these things can come on,
They say time and tide,
waits for no man,
Evidently, neither does the desperate
need, for the good old "can"!
So, don't wallow in red embarrassment,
looking guilty and so sick,
Just get a damn mop, and 
clean it up real quick!!


Details | Couplet | |

Fatter

I’m getting fatter and fatter with each passing day,
And my chest looks like breasts perhaps a child might say,
But when I think of the people that cannot eat at all,
Who cannot work from trouble and the pain of life’s falls,
Then I tell you in an instant, I am thankful for every roll,
Cause it speaks to my privilege from much of life’s toll,
And though my bills are unpaid,
And my cat needs a cage,
As he stains up my carpet with the rage of an age,
And though my daughter’s converting,
To be a Catholic sage,
What me worry? I tell you! 
For I bask in God’s glory,
And the rolls on my belly,
Like Santa Cluase Jelly,
Have me rolling in laughter,
Like a jolly old pastor,
So if disaster strikes you, like it has sometimes struck me,
And you are not so pretty or handsome to see,
Rejoice, I tell you in the fat and all that,
Cause at least you’re in the game and you’re up to bat,
And don’t think that tomorrow I won’t try to walk this off,
This cellulite that causes people to scoff,
But in the end my God loves me and that is enough,
That trumps being fat and all life’s little stuff,
That trumps being saddened by the ways of an age,
Cause hey, who knows at the turn of life’s page,
I’ll be back to 180 and benching 300,
And until then I’ll smile and rub on this tire,
I’ll run and perspire, and run and perspire,
And when it’s over, it’s over, and with an ado,
I’ll go home to the Lord and so will you!


Details | Rhyme | |

A Body's Wish

Oh how I wish he would take care of me,
we’re not getting any younger he must see.

Ever since the day he learned to walk and run,
we’ve gone to great lengths to have fun.

Early on at the young age of three,
he was climbing and fell out of a tree.

Rushed to the hospital to access the harm,
luckily it was only a broken arm.

Then at the age of only six,
yet another broken bone to fix.

While playing on the roof so high,
he slid off to meet the ground hard and dry.

The result was not one but two broken feet,
so having to use crutches was quite a treat.

Because getting around was no longer something of ease,
he couldn’t go as he would please.

Then while playing ball at the age of eight,
received a broken nose while at the plate.

Several broken bones and many bruises later,
he has become a sports spectator.

The safety of the sideline is where he needs to be,
so that he can take care of me.







Details | Rhyme | |

A Thing Called Exercise

A Thing Called Exercise

A thing called exercise is never fun,
especially when you weigh a ton.

No more of those sweet fattening pies,
or tall orders of chili cheese fries.

You must eat right and workout every day,
for excess pounds you have to sweat away.

Get up early and jog endlessly around a track,
only to feel like you’re having a heart attack. 

Drink bottled water for added appeal,
to go along with a tasteless low carb meal.

Is it really worth it I have to ask,
for staying fit is a quite a task.

Seems living longer is the only perk,
in spite of all the work.

Not to mention how good you would look,
but what about all the time it took.

For some it is a new way of life,
yet others would rather go under the knife.

It usually hurts to try something new,
but a thing called exercise could be good for you.


Details | Free verse | |

Addictions

Its gotten hold of me once again,
A siren call in my mind,
Its blood in my veins,
Its heart pounding in my brain!
No choice but to answer its call!!
I’m caught in its blackhole web!
My hunger has to be fed!
Its been . . . far . . . too long!

I’m a shipwrecked voyager,
Lost at sea.
I’m a butterfly moth,
Lost in the wind!
I’m a lone teardrop,
Forgotten in the rain!
The dragon has left me screaming!
A voice shrieking with the choir!
The dragon has stolen my voice!
My silent screams . . .
Sundered my soul . . .shattered my body
My body

Its gotten hold of me once again,
A siren call in my mind,
Its blood in my veins,
Its heart pounding in my brain!
No choice but to answer its call!!
I’m caught in its blackhole web!
My hunger has to be fed!
Its been . . . far . . . too long!

So it is under a blood red sky,
With my heart weighing heavily,
And my mind numb with desire,
With my quivering hands and blurred visions . . .
I turn on the television.


Details | Burlesque | |

Cup Of Coffee

I've got the coffee,
The filters too,
A choice of sweetners,
Yes, it's true...

I've got the creamer,
I've got the cups,
One thing I'm missing,
You'll say I'm nuts,

No coffee maker,
Do I own,
I guess this life,
Of living alone,

Has brought my madness
To the fore,
And even if I went,
To the store,

I'm not too likely to purchase one now,
Seems I forgot the whys or how...
I don't much care for coffee,
Insomnia is my bain,
And even though I am insane,
Awake another six days...
Oh no!!
Over Niagra in a barrel,
I'd rather go.


Details | Burlesque | |

From Soup to Nuts

Oh, can I run with this one....I better be careful!!!.....

Soup to nuts,
When I spilt the bowl,
You could hear me yell,
From the lower parts of hell,
I screamed "There's a soup
In my fly!!!"
Oh me, oh my.....
Give me first aid,
Before my sperm start to fade,
And if the truth you hide,
I will swear you lied,
Cause the truth is plain,
That your soup did maim,
My manhood right to claim,

I walk out of here,
but it's very clear...
This restaurant you own,
Will soon enough pay your loan,
for damages to me,
Which you'll never see!!

 for Rene', Shar, Rhoda, Jack  Reed,
Christy, Ruby, Laine, Cile, Joe, Karen,
Vernette,Kim,Teresa,Patricia,John,
Danielle,John,Charles,Vince,Wilfredo,
Michael,Orma,Caryl,Brian,Rhea,Jessica,
and all the wonderful poets who make "The Soup"
the delicacy, the gourmet mind treat, the spirit
reviver, the place to have fun...the place to BELONG!!!!!
I love you all,- you have greatly enriched my life,
annnnnd spark whatever creativity I can muster...
God Bless........


Details | Free verse | |

No End To It

Never ending
Endoscopy.
Upper end
Endoscopy.
Lower end
Endoscopy.
Colon
Oscopy.
No end
Oscopy.
Which end
Is
Up sco py?


Details | Blank verse | |

Old Age

My mind is alive
      and turning,
but my bones
are frozen
   still.

Resting so peacefully
here in bed
can't move,
so relaxed.

Time to arise
things to do,
places to go,
but my bones
are frozen
    still.

Dreams keep coming,
oh so quite,
descending into
another world,

my mind is alive,
      and turning,
but my bones,
are frozen,
     still.


Details | Burlesque | |

Thirty-Four

Thirty-four hours,
at the shore...
Thirty-four more hours...
Of skin burned raw...

Thirty-four layers
Of skin peel off,
Thirty-four square
feet, of skin to doff...

Thirty-four tubes
Of thirty-four creams
Resulted from
Thirty-four nights
Of painful screams...

Thirty-four ointments
Thirty-four pain pills,
Yet thirty-four times,
You scream out louder
Than thirty-four
Beverly Sills...

You've resolved,
you swear,
Thirty-four times,
Thirty-four times
you promise
to behave,
Even if you have
to live...
In a thirty-four foot
deep cave!


Details | Senryu | |

Hyperacidity

... bush, bill gates and me

    have hyperacidity

    sour grapes in my tea ...


Details | Rhyme | |

Morning Blues

Swallow the amber bubbles
To chase away my troubles
In alcohol fuelled dreams
But tomorrow, I see it doubles!

Thunder temples
Lightning eyes
Sweaty body
Ouch, I cries!

Face as green as clover
As my body I turn over
This poor little beer rover
With his blissful hangover!


Details | Free verse | |

On Pins and Needles

Grimacing with eyes closed
And staggering to stand
On cranky legs and feet
With numb prickings shooting
Like a thousand points of light


Details | Verse | |

Box of chocolates or Love in 3-D

I am not greedy
Nor am I needy
I just want one flavor
the one my mouth does savor
Many a times it's near
But "what If I'm wrong?" I fear...
I could be wrong then
What if It proves fatal when
I take a bite
It feels just right
then the lid shuts
in it there's nuts
What I want is creamy
Light, refreshing, and dreamy
All I want is one
I'll never stop till I'm done
Life is short, then you die
So In my life, there's no need to lie
All I want is that one part
of that box that's shaped like a heart....


Details | Burlesque | |

Memory

I remember my memory......vaguely
I think I do, I guess...
But sometimes I'm not so sure....
My brain just seems a mess

I was what I was,
And I am what I am
And Popeye I don't claim to be,
If you really must know,
I'm frightened to travel on the sea

Maybe if I ate more spinach,
My lost years will fall in place
Hopefully that's the outcome
Rather than me falling on my face


Details | ABC | |

GREEN VISION

In a starry night
an adolescent thought starts
a rivalry. A baby moon squirms.
No hour was safe from terror in dark.
I climb the stairs breathlessly.

The great divide deepens in hearts.
Incisors bite the tongue,
grey cells bleed inside.
Thick ash has not stopped the cinders
smouldering under the veils of flushed peace.
Cupped tears wash the feet of death,
a caravan of words moves desolated,
cutting on the edges, before you say
goodbye to green vision.

Today I am pulling out the nails
from the walls. No hangings of departed centuries.
No portraits of exiled flames.
Only the face of truth, burning
at the interface of unthruths.



SATISH VERMA


Details | Free verse | |

Pigeon Towed

 Pigeon Towed     
 
 
Author Message 
Admin
Admin



Age : 53
Joined : 13 Jun 2007
Posts : 679

 Subject: Pigeon Towed   Today at 14:24      

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Pigeon Towed


The heels are turned in the toes point away from the heels in a slant at the 
direction of a cross eye taking separate looks away the man himself walks in the 
wrong direction and arrives a little behind time his toes are pigeon towed eye 
heard it all my life what could be the cause shoes are way too small his toes is 
bunched up some in front or the heels is way too close inside the shoe the feet 
splay out and look so much like the old clown at circus day oh wait eye saw the 
picture eye was backwards the toes is sticking in and that is why eye thought my 
cousin was pigeon towed again but his was exactly backwards to the toes so 
pointing in the feet are fine he was just a clown and never pigeon toe he was 
pigeon feathered all his life however. 
 
           
 
 
 Pigeon Towed 
 


Details | Light Poetry | |

Switch

I wish I had
a switch
on the right
side of my head
with "on" and
"off" settings
so I could go 
to bed.


Details | Free verse | |

T he 19 90 .s.

                       

                              The water is polluted,the air is getting thin,
                                  casual sex is dangerous
                                  mad cow disease is in.
                                  Cigarettes give you cancer,
                                alcohol damages the heart,
                                so many things are bad, we don't know where to start.
                
                                For the car drivers of the 90s its bad news too
                               the hole on the ozone is blamed on you.
                               
                              Public transport is popular like never before,

                              as the buses fill up along come more.

                            All of this has been said before.
                           execpt in the 90s the people listened more.





                         
                              

                                
´


Details | Burlesque | |

Sea Legs

Why would anyone
want to see,
these legs I have on me,
Why, look at that knobby knee,
It's a sight no sane person would crave,
I'll cover them to my grave.


Details | Burlesque | |

Goy To The World....

Goy to the world,
Christian faith is everlasting....
It is the night,
that your bris is performed

the thrilling kiss of a Rabbi's knife,
Starts its job, till faint did your wife
Fall on your knees...
Start your CPR.....
and ask the Rabbi please....
and hear the sirens wailing
ambulance rushes to you....
not a time of peaceful sailing.....


Details | Burlesque | |

Twenty-Six

Twenty-six doctors
At my door                (I gotta get rid of this darn door!!!!)
With twenty-six diagnosis,
And then, twenty-six more...

Twenty-six pills
For twenty-six ills,
My voice startin' to change,
I sound like Beverly Sills!

Think I'm more likely
To survive twenty six diseases,
Than twenty six prescriptions,
Bringing twenty-six sneezes...

Twenty six Dr. visits,
Each month alone,
Twenty six Doctors,
Twenty-six receptionists,
On twenty-six a phone...

Twenty-six things
He tells me,
Which I forget
In twenty-six seconds,
Twenty-six different
Medical futures,
It seems, beckons

Oh, I'm tired of this number thing,
How many numbers are there?
Must I continue till nobody does care?

Well, better yet, let me see,
If twenty-six beers,
Will be enough for me!


Details | Burlesque | |

Mind Games

Recently I had to go
to see a state appointed shrink
to see if I was defective
that I really could not think

he asked me silly questions
with intelligence of cognitive skills
his aim to measure
I felt somewhat looked down upon
but this one thing I treasure

you want to play head games?
I adore when the gauntlet's thrown down,
wanna see who's quicker?
I'll never lose my crown!

I rattled off the answers
far faster than he' thought
a dull witted mental defective
by all means what he sought
this challenge merely awoke my mind
now I'll teach him what I ought
I guess I'm just that kind...

I don't know for sure, but I surely think, 
when I was done with him
it was he who needed a shrink.


Details | Burlesque | |

Seventeen Stitches

Just got back,
And a sight to see,
The hospital doc,
Had his fun with me...
Seventeen stitches
were applied,
Of course it's true,
I've never lied...

The unfortunate thing,
It was on my face,
Not that it wasn't already...
A terrible disgrace...
I guess those docs wished
to put me in my place...

Might as well head
back home down south..
Because they did their sewing
on my mouth!!!


Details | Burlesque | |

I Remember Memory

I remember memory,
vaguely.....
I think it had something
to do,
With things deep in
my past,
What I was unaware of,
it's true,
Is just how short it'd last...
So this hazy recollection,
Of things but five minutes old,
Must mean there is a catch,
One I was never told....

What were we talking about?
Someone wise once
told me,
The first sign of insanity,
was repeating oneself,
and that was easy to see,
Someone once told me,
The first sign of insanity,
was repeating oneself,
which was easy for
one to see...
Someone once told me,
The first sign of insanity..........



Details | I do not know? | |

Mamm-agony

I got a card in the mail
Time for more living hell
Make an appointment please
To check for breast disease

First I have to undress
This I do with great stress
Cause the robe does not fit
I am much too ample for it

Then they call me to go
Into the room, I hate so
Where they will do the test
That x-ray’s my big breast

They flop one on the cold plate
And then I have to rotate
The machine is up too high
Pinches my boob, I might cry

Then I am finally through
Boobs are sore for a day or two
Inhumane treatment this
But do it, I insist

Yearly, this we must endure
Let us all fight for a cure
Help those who will walk
Put your money behind your talk


Details | Burlesque | |

Freddy the Fly Gets a Fly-Sty in his Fly-Eye

Yup, just as you probably suspected, ol' Freddy the Fly did not yet die.  Oh me, Oh 
my!!  But he did get a Fly-Eye-Sty, from landing in the Fly-Mai-Tai.
Now when you are a fly,
And you get a fly-sty,
It's major trouble,
Cause your 1000 part Fly-eye
Will mean a 1000 part Fly-Eye Good-Bye,

Well Freddy's problem resolved
into a Freddy the Fly Eye Sty,
And it brought pain and discomfort
to his Fly-Guy Fly Eye...

He thought it brought on a small plus,
That he could not see Nicole Fly
Go Fly By, therefore Freddy
The Fly did not have to Fly-cry
And lose his last fly's guy's
ounce of Fly-dentity

So he went to the fly-eye-doctor,
Dr. Frankenfly, to inquire why
His fly-eye-sty, wouldn't let
him fly-cry, and if by and by,
His fly-eye-sty would liquefy in his
Fly-eye, and thus he could
say a fly-goodbye to his fly-sty eye

So Dr. Frankenfly put fly-eye-drops
in Freddy the Fly's eye
And 1000 drops for each fly-eye
was necessifly'd for all those
multiple fly- eye- pieces of 
Freddy the Fly's Fly-eye
And this was costly,
as you know why,

When Freddy the Fly,
got his fly-eye Dr. bill,
Freddy the Fly began to cry
He could not keep a dry fly eye

So as it turned out,
Freddy did Fly-lie,
and told Dr. Frankenfly
He'd send a check on by
In the blink of a fly-eye.

And off he flew,
And I tell you,
No sign of Freddy the Fly
was ever caught by any fly-eye.
Let's just hope our Freddy Fly
Did not fly-die.


Details | Burlesque | |

Jumpin' For Life

Jumping over many a Social Security gate,
For the mighty and generous New York State,
So by now, my knees are shot,
And their help, of course, I see not
So my dire circumstances grow hot,
Cause needed medicines I ain't got.....

I spend so many days in mindless wait,
On ever increasingly numerous a date,
In waiting rooms for hours so,
Until, at last they say, oh, a mistake, 
so you may go!.....

Exams, endless questionaires
Seem to come from their derrieres...
I shake my head in disbelief...
Guess I'll never get relief....

They insist I go to Boces,
So I can learn, there, on sight,
How to read and write...
Next day an exam
to check my ailing knees,
Next day after that,
to see if I have fleas....
I cry out, "Good God, Please!!!"
"Is this all but a mind tease???"

No, no, they then do say,
Come back tomorrow, anyway
We have to check for
dirt under fingernails,
And your ability to use handrails...

And, also, next week too,
Important we see you...
You must enroll 
to learn Hebrew,
When that's done,
Another semester on
making Irish stew...

You gotta' learn to jump
through each hoop,
To stay in the Social
Security loop,

Well, now they've
broken my last straw....
They want me to
go to Omaha....
And apply then and there...
'Cause, for me, they
don't much care!!!


Details | Rhyme | |

Bravo

I look out on the morning
My squirrels do scamper round
And yes, there is what I was dreading
More snow is coming down.

Normally I wouldn't mind
But this year, it's not fine
Because back surgery has me dreading
The covering on the ground.

I manage fine with my walker
Until I leave the house
Then I am on my own
And you should see me dance 

Never was anyone more graceful
At piroits and high leaps
I'll tell you here and now
The pro skaters envey me.

All the hours, days and years they spend
Just to reach this goal
I preform perfectly
When I step outside my door.

All the attention I receive 
Has them turning green
The speaker softly clears his throat
And announces "You've received a new spleen."


Details | Light Poetry | |

the hospital

lying in that bed
I'm very concerned about what's wrong
patiently waiting for the doctor
wondering what's taking so long
the nurse comes around like clockwork
to take my vitals, she  pokes and prods
despite my annoyance she says,
"I'm just simply doing my job"

they said they called a specialist
who's suppose to be the best
when all I desire is to go to sleep 
and try to get some rest
but lo and behold every hour 
the nurse returns to prod and poke
the hospital a place of rest
now ain't that a joke


Details | Light Poetry | |

Cocoon

Oh, put me in a cocoon,
Where I can mercifully swoon,
Wrap me up in Mummy wrap,
If it means I'll get a nap
Hit me on the head,
With a pipe of lead.
My eyes are tellin' me
I'd better sleep 
If I want to see.


Details | Free verse | |

Acceptable Food

Acceptable Food
The eye is never sure of his food so anyway they say there is limits to what a man 
can have they don’t want crumbly things so today I’m typing with a banana to 
illustrate the rules have never changed the popcorn made inside the theater box 
can be bought but never brought from home away with the poor boy bum that 
lives at home and carries some to theater to love. We want people to buy corn so 
salty that they cry for more and auction off the ranch to buy a coke so watered 
down to taste as to be tasteless to a boy who cannot afford them at the prices the 
RIALTO charges.
The syrup sticks to the sticking floor from a mop that never can be cleaned or 
handled wielded not with love but working now for money and decay and crud.
The popcorn that eye have is simply jaded lost in time.
The cokes have all gone flat. There is a clear limit to my love the eye is not like 
that. The banana is too green for the mee to eat just yet.  The word typing in this 
text was typed on the keyboard with a very hard and green banana thing. Accept.



Details | Burlesque | |

Twenty Nine

Twenty-nine cavities
My dentist said,
Gleefully twenty-nine times
Twenty-nine novacaines
Fun as twenty-nine
Parking fines
Half as many root-canals
Half as many frightening dreams
Half as many muffled
Dental equiptment blocked screams

Twenty nine appointments
To dread twenty nine days
Twenty-nine times to stumble out,
In twenty-nine a dental haze


Details | Bio | |

Oh, You Don't Know...Part 3

The other fun things I love having include:Heart Failure, skin infections, painful 
umbilical hernia,heat stroke, gastritous, anemia, anxiety, high blood pressure,
dental pain unreal!, chronic nausea...and a few others to boot...I have been in 
every hospital on Long Island, all the ambulance crews and cops know me, I am 
now repeating that accomplishment here, with Vassar, Saint Francis having me 
for many multiple visits....I have "shrinks", nurses, counselors here every week, 
as well as case managers, etc.  I have spent days at social security and other 
places, with cat scans, dog scans, x-rays, Y-rays, Purple haze, Billy Mays, 
scanned with an etch-a -sketch, soon I'll fetch...mammograms, head scans (they 
found nothing), sun tans, marching bands, clapping hands, taxi stands, proded 
glands, IQ plans, no-man lands, soda cans, clinic lands, and much more, what 
ever they can...z.  My meds come next, but such a long list, I need a rest....so take 
a break, I've yet to begin to jest...


Details | Free verse | |

More TB's TBs

I just read AOL news story- some guy found a deep fried mouse in his bag of 
poato chips.  Guess he's not the meat & potatos type.
I'm not real good with computers.  I don't think they like me.  I tried my media 
player, and I think it said it needed Bufferin or something.
I called "Lawn Doctor".  I got suspicious when showed up with an industrial sized 
stethescope around his neck.
I tried "Bath Fitter". he came, filled up the tub, took a bath, and gave me a bill for 
$200!  I said "What the heck do you think you're doing?"  He said he did his job, 
came, checked to see if he fit in the bath.  I had a fit.
When I was young, I was in a NYC suburb gang called "The Gors"-  We were kind 
of namby-pambee for a gang.  A small troop of Cub Scouts took us out!!  The out-
armed us, and put the fear of God in use.  Bullies!!
If it were'nt for the Imfo button on my TV remote, I'd never have the foggiest clue 
as to the date.
News has long depressed me.  I never read the news papers, and I avoid any 
news reports on radio or TV.  But, sometimes I still wonder if the Vietnam War is 
still goin' on.
True story, I shoot you not-  Today to psychiatrist for evaluation- (boy did I spin his 
wheels- now he needs a psychiatrist!)- well, anyway, in the application/imfo sheet
there was a comment after name, DOB, etc.- it said "sex"-  I wrote in "rarely".
To Vince- consider yourself lucky- my ex-wife wanted my to take draino!!
True story- last hospital stay (so often I have my own wing now)- I stole a big red 
sticker from the X-ray room that said "TRAUMA!"  I wore it on my farhead for 2 
days!  You should see the looks!
The only thing I'm sure of now is that I'll never live long enough to learn  to live.
                                 The Sarcastic Poet
                                     tom bell


Details | Burlesque | |

Cup Of Coffee

guess I'm gettin' too old
or my memory's gone bad,
but some stuff now taken for granted
somehow just makes me sad...

no more "a dime for a cup of coffee"?
well that's not even close
now it's "10 dollars for a barstuck's
weekly exotic roast"

I don't know how or why,
that we have come to this,
but It makes me want to die,
cause coffee makes me piss

now I cannot afford 
to pay for my needed pee
inside it builds up fast,
so coffee's only benefit
is one you can clearly see

20 lbs. I'm bloated up just now
when I walk I now do swish
a cup of coffee I do crave
and it's my bladder's only wish


Details | Free verse | |

Out of a Cannon

Like being shot out of a cannon,
I charged out of bed,
Took one look around me,
My spirits, they bled,
Jumped back into bed,
Hoping to sleep,
Another twenty-four years,
Before out of bed I again leap.


Details | Lyric | |

I Don't Need It!

I’m at my wit’s end
The molecular formulas
the electron configurations
are killing all sensations of living that I ever had
A seemingly unbeatable force
backed by that foe from the East
as he manipulates and propagates this vicious cycle of ill-instruction
in which he tests the knowledge of that which is never taught
I find myself caught in this trap
I’m wrestling with pages of notes
all while in desperate need of a nap
Why do I need to know how oxygen bonds to carbon
in order to diagnose an illness?
Or in order to tell if a bone is broken or not?
I don’t!
That’s just it!
All of this mindless, structural knowledge, I don’t need it!
Once I’m in the true school of higher-learning,
where I’ll get the real tools to future success
I’ll forget it all
in order to learn what I really need to know
so that I may help my fellow man


Details | Blank verse | |

Medicinal Exchange

The doctor said at first,
“Mrs. Ingram, I regretfully say,
Your husband has left, he has gone away”

With a tear she said in reply,
“How could this have happened,
He came in with Pink Eye?”

The doctor replied,
“oh, sorry to confuse, I need to say more,
I prescribed some drugs and he ran out the back door.”

The woman then smiled and turned with glee,
“He won’t get very far, I have the car key!”


Details | Rhyme | |

My Body

My body loves me
And I love it
We're working hard
To keep us fit

We try to eat right
And excersize
Hoping a healty body
Will be the prize

I love my body
And it loves me
But sometimes
We do disagree

My body says
"Forget this dieting"
I say,  "No,
we gotta keep fighting"

As bodies go
You aren't so bad
Right now you're the best
I've ever had

But body dear
I must confess
I'd love you more
If you were less


Details | Burlesque | |

High Noon

my friend likes
to drink
morning, noon, and night
he ought'a see a shrink
to help him with his plight
at least that's what I think
you think I got it right?

drunk at noon, that must stink
why can't he see the light?
he's ever nearer to the brink
of falling out of sight
so I end with a little wink,
he's always higher than a kite


Details | Rhyme | |

Home With A Migrane

Someone detach my head
It's been throbbing since I went to bed
Last one I got
The doc gave me a shot
"Now go home 
And go to bed"
I couldn't
I had a pain in the as--
And in the head
So, I'm at home today
Seeking silence that will never be
Throwing up in the toilet
And shivering like it's zero degrees
I'm not in the mood
To drop my pants down to my knees
Have another needle in my butt
The doctor might give it an extra squeeze