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Funny Hate Poems | Funny Poems About Hate

These Funny Hate poems are examples of Funny poems about Hate. These are the best examples of Funny Hate poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

Retail Christmas 2

It's one week till Christmas
And we've had enough
Of grumpy old shoppers
Complaining about stuff.

They hate the line-ups,
They hate the cashiers.
They won't be happy 
Till they have us in tears.

The things they are after
Are long gone from the store.
They find it incredulous
We won't be getting more.

Last minute shoppers 
Are a pain in the rump.
Each night by closing
This place looks like a dump.

One more week to go,
I sure hope we make it
But in the meantime
We'll just smile and fake it.


Details | Ode | |

Quips My EX GIRLFRIEND revisited


     1.   My ex-girlfriend tried to impress me when
          She told me that she is "Fasting"!  And I knew
          That she was true because, I saw just how
          Fast she ate that basket of chicken.......

      2.  The next time that she told me that she was "Fasting"
           It was three (03) double meat Whoppers!  And I have never
           Seen three (03) double meat Whoppers go so quicK......

       3. My ex-girlfriend was so upset!  She explained that when
           She was young that she could bounce a dime
           Off of her butt.  Only now, when she bounce the same dime
           It only flops!
         
  So, I looked on the bright side and told her that now she can
           Bounce a quarter on her belly button and it only drops!

         4. The last time that I saw her, she was "Fasting" on a
             box of cookies.
          
          * And boy, those (03) box's of cookies sure went fast!



Explanation: That is none sence and no one got fat in the making of this pun!
           
 
    4. I just hate it when my ex-girlfriend call's me!  Usually I keep my
       cell phone on vibrate and in my front pocket. My EX-friend
        Know's this.  She also, know's that I have a bladder problem!  Every time
        she blow's up my phone it make's me pee!
        I know that I hate it, but she give's me such a warm feeling and I take
        what I can get!
                                    

     5. My ex-girlfriend is so stupid that she can't ever give me a piece of
         her mind!  She has to get an substitute..... Ha! Ha! Ha!   He, He, He!

      6.My ex-girlfriend, She alway's cut me short!........  She wanted to give 
         me a piece of her mind, buy, she didn't have enough brain cell's left! Ha! Ha!
         Feel the Joke! Uh!

EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS?

       1.  When you "Pass Gas" and you know you did........
            And no-body heard it........ Is it proper to wait for someone
            to smell it first, before you say, excuse me..........
            Is it really too late....... That is what my girlfriend doe's!

       * I would just blame it on a friend!


Moments To Share:

       My ex-girl friend and I were discussing a poem that I wrote! She told
       me that it was an perfect oxymoron.......

       I told her that she was just a moron!


Words' To Live by:
       I was trying to explaine my mis-giving's to my EX-girlfriend......
       I told her that the problem was, not that I really love you, because
       I don't!  The problem is that I just can't get you out of my mind!


Details | I do not know? | |

No Choice!

I hate it when I'm
       told to do
This damn thing
       or that.

And I hate it
When I don't do it
And am made to
      feel a rat!

So what is it that
      I hate much more
To do or not to do?

The former is within myself
      The latter within me, too!


Details | Rhyme | |

Happy Question

Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.


Details | ABC | |

The Vent

im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition 
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
Situations
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put 
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time 
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time 
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
Fall
And I as I pull myself together 
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now

there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.


Details | Rhyme | |

Voodoo Doll

There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell, 
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,  
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins, 
you now must wish the curse begins.


Details | Monoku | |

Alien-nation

One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.


Details | List | |

I hate about you



 I hate the way you make me feel guilty about being jealous when other girls hit on you, 

 I hate the way you can go forever without even seeing or talking to me when your friends are around, 
but expect me to drop everything to talk to you when you want my attention.

I hate how you're so happy at times and I'm so sad, 

I hate how you treated me like *****but yet I'm the one feeling bad.

I hate how I feel so weak and you're so strong, 

I hate how you think you do no wrong.

I hate how you pretend that everythings okay, 

I hate how you took my innocence away and act sometimes like it ment nothing.

I hate how I feel so scared, 

I hate how I how fast I feel in love with you without a fighting chance.

I hate the way you look at me and just know when something is wrong.

I hate how everything we have means nothing to everybody else

I hate the way I feel inside, 

I hate the nights I spent alone and cried.

I hate how everything seems wrong, 

I hate the feeling of wanting to belong.

I hate how you're always in my head, 

I hate everything mean you have ever said.

I hate wondering how you really feel about me, 

I hate how you try to go out with certin friends you feel like you have to lie

I hate how when your job takes you away for long times I left with alone and want to do nothing but cry

I hate it how you can just come in and out of my life and feel like everything is alright
while I am the one that has to put up with the problems, family and drama every night


But most of all I hate the way I can't stop thinking about you, and I hate it even more because I know you know its true

All these thing don't make me really hate you, 
It just makes me lust you more an more and it feeds my wanting you right down to the core


Details | Rhyme | |

I Hate Being Sick

I hate being sick,
I don't do it well.
My private pity party
Is going just swell.

I cough and I sneeze,
My nose is running away.
I've taken my cold meds
Trying to keep it at bay.

I hate having a cold
And feeling so weak.
At least this fever
Has reached it's peak.

I must end this poem now,
You know how it goes.
It's time to get up again 
And go blow my nose.


Details | Free verse | |

It's a really obscure poem, you probably haven't heard of it

Oh, you’re cool. Deck.
With your battered copy of Naked Lunch
tucked away in your thrift-store
		-satchel, it’s definitely a satchel-
that holds your cigarettes,
the ones you bummed last Wednesday,
and the extra scarf you keep with you
	at all times
just in case your neck gets cold,
which it seems to often,
even though its brother is always
wrapped loosely around your neck.
That iPod in your hand
with the huge headphones
		-for better acoustics-
is playing that band you like,
the one with the synth player
who can also play both
the didgeridoo and keytar
at the same time,
but I don’t think that’s the reason
that they only have five fans
or that that’s why you like them.
It’s okay,
I won’t tell your friends that
you pay your rent with a trust fund. 
		-Isn’t that ironic?-
I’ll keep your secret
the way you keep quoting Kerouac,
who you only know of
because of high school English class.
And no,
I won’t tell them either
that you hate the taste of coffee,
and miss eating bacon,
and actually think that tattoo
of a Palahniuk quote
		-“Your heart is my piñata”-
translated into Finnish
is not as clever as it was
the first time you tried cocaine.
But don’t worry. 
I won’t call you a hipster.
That way you don’t have to
pretend to hate it.


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Rhyme | |

Things That Bug Me About You

My goodness, how rude can one get?
I haven’t even finished speaking yet.
Your uncaring interruption,
has ruined my thought construction.
Now I have to put my thoughts on the shelf.
Couldn’t you see I was talking to myself ?!

And when I ask you to look for my keys,
Don’t make me beg on my knees.
I hate it when you laugh to beat the band,
Just because you see them in my hand!

And last week when I asked you to find my phone,
Your unkind remark cut me to the bone.
You said “you are losing your mind I fear.,
What’s that thing on your ear?”

It just isn’t nice, no matter how true it rings,
Accusing me of always losing things!
I just hate that quirk about you!!
Hey,.. you seen my other shoe?


Details | Rhyme | |

The Maid of Honour's Speech

I know the Maid of Honour’s duties do not include a speech,
But looking at the perfect Bride, a vision in gold... and peach,
I couldn’t let the moment pass, without the chance to say,
How perfect for each other you are, on this your wedding day.

We’ve been friends forever, in school you were a brat,
But now you’re older, more mature and getting rather fat!
I know you really hate me; the proof is in the dress,
This thing you chose to put me in, it really is a mess!

Bows and ruffles everywhere, however could you think,
That a mature twenty eight year old could pull off vivid pink?
I know your gown is hideous, but even with that said,
There’s still no reason why the other bridesmaids are in red.

It’s clear to all that your wish for me was just to look a show,
And as it is your special day, I thought I’d let it go.
You’d always seemed to find it hard to find the perfect man,
You sat and watched all of your friends find theirs and formed a plan.

You tried it on with who they’d found until you had a date.
And so you lost a fair few friends? You’d found yourself a mate!
And in the groom you’ve found a man who over flows with love,
And through the trials that lie ahead, he’ll help you rise above.

With hugs and kisses he’ll shower you and have a few to spare,
In fact I saw him earlier, canoodling with Claire!
Honey, don’t react like that, he’s a jerk, I know it’s true,
But remember that you first hooked up, at our engagement do.

A leopard cannot change its spots, or so the proverb says,
And you told me you only married him for money anyway!
But then again you always were a shallow two-faced cow,
And why on earth should you decide to change your ways right now?

So ladies and gentlemen please join me, raise a glass,
To the spiteful two-faced Bride, and her two-timing Ass!


Details | Rhyme | |

Blatant Irony

She exists for a man only

He achieved what a man can

That of trying a trick abstractly

She easily got henned in hand!

Decisions are tough, exclaimed she aloud

Life in love is not easy 

He, a rose in hand, proud

Rose up to a plane above

She, a tender one with exalt

Thought of love as sincere admiration

Found out the abrupt truth, abomination!

Her only precious asset his inspiration

Her own body, as sexy asphalt!


Details | Couplet | |

MY BEST BAD CHOICE poetry contest ADULTERY

        MY BEST BAD CHOICE

Was a time --not long ago
When you begged me sweet and low

“Cast your net upon the sea
Quickly,darling, marry me!”

My heart caught 
and in a minute
My life was soup
And I was in it

A fair eyed man means dangerous shores
& I'm adrift-- mid rocks galore

On a current, flashing fins
You cast your line--
And hook sweet sins

And, at work you cannot think
When fishy eyes blink out a wink

Even friends are not off limits
When tides wash in the vodka gimlets

Do I hate you, yes, I could
Do I hate you, no, I should

A straying man on marriage seas
Navigates adulteries

When asked to re-chart his course
He usually stomps and screams “divorce”

MORAL 1:

Mixing metaphors and such
Keeps the critics out of ruts

MORAL 2:

Straying husbands/shagging rabbits
Cannot/willnot change their habits.




Victoria Anderson-Throop
Oct 10, 2012


Details | Couplet | |

Ode to Cats

Come 'ere kitty eyes so green
Tell me why you're so dang mean
Climbin' curtins and the walls
Midnight rampage through the halls
Chasin' air but never rats
You should know I hate cats!


9/24/2005~db©deborah burch

*just a note: i dont hate cats...(as long as they realize and behave as dogs)...any i have been owned by realize this and quickly learn to fetch, come, sit, no, and master the english language...as such....this kitten(now a cat) is my son's: Oliver, appropriatly named, who is the real-life version of "Garfield" in every possible way...and dearly loved :)
big hugs~deb


Details | Free verse | |

CLOWN

CLOWN

Hard day at the office – circus in town.
I hear the Sousas yellow, or dark Pagliacci brown
All in all I hate this one here clown,
Striding right into my space,
Hiding the other side of his face –
The hurries, the gestures,
Paint so thick it cracks when he smiles
Paint that don’t run, and this here gangling style.
He trips, goes down, frightens a child,
But the freaking holiday crowd rises, croaks, goes wild!
You think of this here kind, usually, as stubby, or fat,
But this one’s long and slim,
A phallic maypole, that damn well describes him.
I hate the cheering, all the rah, rah, rah,
Hate the noisy wildness of this insane Mardi Gras.
I gotta leave, but then I spot this tiny, little girl,
Fall in love with her four-year-old, golden curls.
She laughs, she gurgles, gasps – doll face so fragile
In spite of flatulence, headache, in spite of myself, 
I smile.






Details | Rhyme | |

I Pick My Nose

Now I don't have a decent job
Or expensive, flashy car
Somedays I don't brush my teeth
Or brush my beehive hair
Get my bra's from bargain bins
My coat's a hand-me-down
I try to act all grown up but
Let's face it, I'm a clown
I've got a filthy accent and
Sometimes I pick my nose
Somedays I don't change my socks
There's jam between my toes
I'm not a morning person
Til I dunk my head in coffee
I'm often unaffectionate
And then a little needy
I hate it that my ribs poke out
And my front teeth aint straight
I hate it I depend so much
On destiny and fate
I'm not the kinda girl you could
Take home to meet your mum
I live in jeans and hoodies
She'd think I was a bum
I don't need you to tell me
There's more perfect girls than me
I'm showing you the truths
Even though they're plain to see
Despite my imperfections
I'm sure there'll never be
Someone who is saner and
Could love you more than me 


Details | Free verse | |

Him And Her

Smile! Click! 
She poses for a picture
Hands entwined in his, 
Faces bumping together, hearts connecting beyond embraces
She knows he’s hers and she’s his
In her dreams- in her deepest wishes
Screams! She screams as she jumps
Didn’t even look but plunged right into love
She said ‘It wasn’t my fault’ 
But a guilty burn stabs her
Ouch! That’s it! 
Just pretend that you haven’t thought a million times about him
Oh yeah! All those poems you wrote, daydreaming, -
Fine! She shuts up the voices
So what? He’s the best of every girl’s choices
He’ll never boast but smiles innocently
Every time she wants to hate him
His beautiful brown eyes catch hers
Poof! Hate disappears
A rush of that feeling called love reappears
She lives a fairytale with him
In imaginary land
Smiling on the outside
Snatching a glimpse as he walks by
Hah! She sighs!
Surely, one day, he’ll be mine!


Details | I do not know? | |

Contradictions, the bane of my existence

I want fame and humility I want war and I want peace I want God and I want freedom I want freedom and enslavment I want to settle down, and keep moving I sprint home and crawl to work I'll eat my fill and then I'll starve I will kill and I will resurrect Give me extravagance and give me banality entertain me and bore me LOVE ME AND HATE ME LOVE ME AND HATE ME so I will show you my lithe desires, absurdly ensuring I will NEVER be at peace open your mouth and laugh with me laugh


Details | Rhyme | |

No Soup For You

People loved my soup but they hated me.
Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi.
I was strict with people and they feared me because I'm scary.
I scream my head off, that's why I've never been able to marry.
Everybody knew something that was certainly true.
When people pissed me off, I yelled "No soup for you!"
I refused to sell soup to a woman for kissing her boyfriend while standing in line.
My rules were going to be obeyed, I don't care that enforcing them was unkind.
I refused to sell soup to a bald man because he wanted free bread.
When a woman found my recipes in my armoire, I wanted to be dead.
Just because I treated her like dirt, she published them and put me out of business.
I had to close my restaurant and return to Argentina, my life truly is a mess.
I demanded discipline, breaking my rules was what I didn't allow.
I will one day return to America and slaughter Elaine like a cow!

(This poem was inspired by a Seinfeld episode.)


Details | Classicism | |

I got haters

i realky hate my life and all the fake people in it                                                                                                 People are hella fake just a bunch of haters trying to see the drama they can create thats exactly why i wana get out of this state because im surrounded a bunch fakes who hate                                                       
People always got to talk down just like cowards they do it when im not around.No matter what I do someone always has something to say and me and my buisness people talk about every single day thats what makes me wanna just get away Cowards and fakes are what they are I shine like a star why there over there hating and wont make it far.


Details | Verse | |

School Days

His mum was so worried she cried
It was the third day in a row that he lied
He told her that he was in school
But his mum, well she was no fool

I will speak to him if you insist
He had stayed off again, another day missed
As a parent I did my best
As my child he knew he could put me to the test

He just lay curled up on the bed
I wondered what went through his head
Was it a bully that harassed him so
Was I the bully, I just did not know

I said son, will you get out of bed
Please tell me what's wrong in your head
He said, dad, I told you before
Its nothing, I ain't going no more

I don't want to go back to school
Its heartless and pointless and cruel
Open your eyes and please see
I hate them and know they hate me

I said, son you will have to grow up
Your a dog now not just a young pup
You have to realise the truth
And bite on the bullet with your tooth

You have to go back to your school
You made a deal so follow that rule
What's more you are fifty three
And  headmaster of the Academy

Kids are so like that you know
They will tease you until they too grow
So put on your cap and your gown
Get dressed and come on right down


Details | Free verse | |

Single Awareness Day

Let's just start
with five words:
I hate February the fourteenth.

I hate it
With a passion

Just a couple
reasons why

I have never gotten a valentine
I have never liked pink
or red
or hearts

But I don't care too much
because Valentine's day
is just superficial

A holiday that just makes people
feel bad about themselves
and buy lots of chocolates
and flowers

But honestly
it's just depressing
to see all of the people
who have flowers and love letters

Especially when
I have nothing

But maybe this Valentine's day
will be different
not that I care

But maybe just this once
I could have somebody love me
even if Valentine's day
is better known as
Single Awareness Day


Details | Prose | |

stronger me

Every stone that you throw at me
I shall pick and build a fortress tall and strong
and let my cat pee down on your head
as i watch you get drenched in the puddle.
hehehehe


Details | Rhyme | |

I thought You Should Know

I hate being sick
Hate it a lot
I hate this cold
This cold I have caught.

When I cough
My lungs feel they'll burst
I hate being sick
This is the worst.

It's my day off
And I want to play
Not sit here coughing
And shivering all day

This cold is annoying
I wish it would go
I hate being sick
I thought you should know.




* I have bronchitus and am feeling sorry for myself


Details | Verse | |

Can't Stand It Anymore

Can’t Stand It Anymore

Something’s wrong
Oh, it’s you…

I dislike your choices of what to wear today
I am put off by that complexion
I cannot stand that way you stand
With that superior air about you
I really can’t accept that way you giggle like it was a joke

I strongly dislike your straight A average
I really loathe your humor
I cannot stand your bubbly aura
I just can’t deal with your perfume
I absolutely abhor your choices
Of what you wish to pursue

I cannot stand your tediousness
I really hate your smile
I absolutely loathe your eyes
As equally as I hate your friendly persona
I just can’t look at that stupidly perfect little face
I can’t live with your little moans and groans
And especially not that annoying wailing you make called crying

I hate the fact that you’re constantly involved
I hate that little noise you make when bored
I hate your blatant honesty
I can’t stand the way you speak in riddles
I hate how you look at me most of all
Because of how you look at him


Details | I do not know? | |

Allergies

I hate Spring
I hate Summer
My noes runs
Like a marathon runner

My eyes water
And they're red
My head aches
I need Sudafed

I feel deprived 
Of outdoor fun
For I get an attack
When I see the sun

I had a shot
I still have allergies
All I want
Is not to sneeze

All my outdoor 
Days are gone
Sometimes I even wish 
I could mow the lawn

The worst for me
Is unloading hay
For my allergies last
Throughout the day

During school
I can't concentrate
My eyes hurt so bad
I can't see straight

So with this poem 
I beg Mother Nature please
Can You control 
My Allergies?!


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

New Diet

Lose weight fast with the new Anger and Hate diet!

Anger helps you shed those unwanted pounds
and hate helps you keep them off.
Learn how to convert that anger into long lasting hate.
You'll never want to eat again!

Call now! Operators are standing by.


Details | ABC | |

MUD MANS RAP

After all these years the hate he sees still burns.
And the ugliness he sees makes his stomach turn.
There’s the crack all on the sidewalk.
There’s the crack all in the bag.
And the women sell their self for crack,
Then turn all into hags.
He never has no money, it makes him want to steal
Then they wonder why it is, that he chose to deal.
The state sent him a letter
They said he owed some cash
He didn’t pay his taxes,
For that ounce of grass.
Over in the building, where they sing of promise land
Satan’s all up in there, taking what he can.
He aint looking for the answers
He found them on his own
But no matter where he goes
He’s out there all alone.
Don’t you come all up on him sideways, trying to be so quip
Don’t you waste your time with that, it’s best that you just quit.
He doesn’t need to do his mother.
His daddy was no punk.
Don’t you tell him He’s your brother;
There’s too much baggage in “your” trunk.
After all these years, the hate he see still burns
The ugliness he sees makes his stomach turn.
What is it that’s your problem people?
Does this not suit your game?
Well it really doesn’t matter none
He’s your ghost without a name.
You ever see him on the corner, or down there on the street?
Just hope you never have to see the ghost, when life has got you beat.


Details | Rhyme | |

Bad Day On The Horizon

I was walking one day and tripped over a log
I guess my head was stuck in a fog 
I felt an ouch and saw i skinned my knee
At that moment i really hated trees 
Getting my balance i pulled myself up on that old branch
Than i noticed i ruined my good pants 
Well now i was upset mad as can be
Yelling it now i hate stupid trees
Now that was a waste of breath i notice no ones around
Just me all messed up and a stupid old log on the ground
So i set out hobbling down the road 
Just my luck it was a day that was cold
My butt hanging out blood on my knee
Yes i can say i hate stupid trees 
Now i get home and to my surprise 
When i was making a mess of myself my friends stopped by
Look what we brought you to sit on the corner of your lot
A piece of driftwood you say i think not 


Details | Burlesque | |

Ten

I hate my door,
I hate a knock...
Cause lately...
All I get is shock

This time it was ten,
Eager vacuum salesmen,
With ready pen...
Each bi-focalled
Painted on smile...
Always ready
To go the extra mile...
Another sales commission,
Delivering stuff,
Without permission

Be at the next company
Before they caught on,
Smiling proud,
Bigger commissions
Where he'd gone...

Now I was in no mood
For vacs, or knocks,
Or demonstrations,
Or heart felt sales remonstrations....

I opened it up,
Baseball bat in hand...
How many would one swing
Send into the stand?

Ten nervous giggles,
Ten vacs held up in defense...
Doesn't matter....Ten
"Over the fence!"