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Football Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Football

These Football Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Football. These are the best examples of Football Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse |

Princesses

Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!


Details | Free verse |

World Cup 2014

Pain in Spain
Bland England
Shame in the game
Who do you blame
When your approach is lame
Three lions or three blind mice?
I wonder


Details | Limerick |

Football Mania Victim's Hysteria

“Woe is me,” when football season closes
Crimson Tide lost in a sea of roses
     Tampa Bucs, Tide, Seminoles
     To “off” my remote just strolls
I’ll use TM for football osmosis

My Coach Bowden-signed football is glass-encased
How do I endure the trauma I’ve faced?
     With my pompoms cast aside
     “Six-month drought!” I cried
“It would hurt less to have my face replaced.”



*Entry for Susan’s “Drama Queen” contest.


Details | Light Poetry |

Rainbows and Football

There’s a special whimsy place inside of each and every Troll.
And a rainbow will bring it out the best, if I may be so bold.
The Aurora Borealis makes them want to jump and sing.
But bring out a fancy rainbow, and they’re off, for it, to seek.

Apparently, it’s the colors that draw them to its beautiful lights.
So my son got out his prism, and played with the Trolls, late last night.
He had them hooping, and hollering, then scurrying across the floor.
Then he sent the prism to somewhere else, you can be, so sure.
Off they would go again, the winner bumping the others out of the way.

My cats couldn’t have done it better, but were smart and stayed away.
It’s not healthy to get in the middle, of a group of trolls found in play.
It didn’t seem to matter, that they couldn’t put it in their hands.
But they never gave up trying, to win the ultimate prize and upper hand.

Fortunately, they were in the barn with plenty of room to swing and fly.
Where walls can be replaced, and poles are easy, there, to mend and buy.
Of course, my son was in deep trouble, and would have to repair everything.
But the trolls didn’t seem to mind helping to put every thing back, again.

And the carpenter called to fix the posts was, you can guess, the football coach.
Apparently he thinks, they’d make great linebackers, to protect the quarter back.
All he seems to think they’ll need… is a little focus… I say good luck with that!
But he’ll have them working every day, till hell freezes over, before he gives up.

That does bid the question… Where did all those football players come from?
Could they be trolls, lumbering down those fields, in those professional teams?
Those fancy uniform colors, definitely, are like the prisms colors brought to life…
Could it be? Who would of thunk it? Yes, they are there… I certainly, Do Believe!


Details | Pantoum |

Like a football in woman's game

Just like football I am going to be chased in life's game by a bunch of ladies as if playing a football match. I am going to be chased in life's game they will rush just to touch me as if playing a football match receiving me gently in the chest. They will rush just to touch me the goalkeeper among them receiving me gently in the chest will give me sure kisses. The goalkeeper among them I am going to love her will sure give me kisses soft like a feather's touch. I am going to love her though I may get occasional kick soft like a feather's touch that is part of the game. Though I may get occasional kick I must forget the pain that is part of the game with so many cute ladies around. I must forget the pain I will be so sought after with so many cute ladies around everyone wanting to hug me. I will be so sought after by a bunch of ladies everybody wanting to hug me just like a football. © kashinath karmakar (27th June 2011) =============00============= Placement:HM (August 2011) Contest:Play Ball Sponsor:Debbie Guzzi


Details | Free verse |

More important than life itself

On some English grass
On a piece of land forever England
Warriors of the realm
Take holy orders, on their Fathers grave
To defend the honour of their local pub
For this is the noble art of Sunday league Football

The crowds bay for blood
Shouts of foul and blind as a bat
The decision absurd
The referee a drunkard
Shouts of bar steward,
And your mothers questionable character
Cleaned up for posterity

The game goes on
Frank, the winger another yellow card
Another fine, I fear he will be barred

Groans for Bill a night watchman by trade
I think he’s a blade (Sheffield United supporter)
But not a very good keeper I’m afraid

Then there’s the striker
Super king Jack, 40 a day and a cough to match
Will need a penalty to score in this match

What about ken, a beer belly full back,
Rarely runs for fear of a heart attack
And slugger the centre half
Likes to break legs,
And still the only guy to sup a half a keg

Smooth talking tommy pulls birds on the six yard line
Greased black hair, and knobbly knees to match
Still Skill is not this team’s forte, for we are Britain’s

Taking part is our religion
Lost another game two nil
But won three two at fighting, brill

Bottom of the league
Fines galore
First Aid in the pub
A good drink after
Enemies in the field, but forever friends in laughter.
That’s Sunday football league

Home to the wife
And Sunday dinner, roast beef and Yorkshire pud 
Another bottle of bud
Feet up, settee calls
Dreams of Wembley, and Sheffield Wednesday
Not a bad life for this Yorkshire clan
Here in Sheffield where football began.



Details | Couplet |

CAN YOU SPEAK -WOMAN-

CAN  YOU  SPEAK  WOMAN?

I can speak French and sometimes Chinese
I can also speak cat with some ease
When he  miaows at me as he goes
I mimic his call and he  knows
When the dog barks I reply
Even the horse and I see eye to eye
But I can’t speak “woman”
It’s beyond the speech power of a man.
I can’t talk for hours about shoes

And discuss the merits of mauves or blues
Or share the humour of how pink bows  
Don’t go with green  pillows
                                                                                                                                 
And go all weepy over Meryl  Streep

Or wax lyrical over some punk-rock creep

Or persuade some guy to discuss flowers

Rather than the size of the nuclear powers  
.. . . . so she  said. . . . so then I said. . . 
And  she whispered. . . . and her face went red. . . .

No it’s impossible to spend hours on the phone
I’d rather sit watching football all alone
It’s futile me trying to pretend
An interest in what gift to send
Or remember birthdays wi th accuracy
Such a task would drive me crazy
God save me from female speech
Let me speak “man”,  I beseech
Just let me sit alone and grunt
Or maybe shoot, fish,  and hunt
And talk to the dog about football facts
Or maybe  to the car while I wax.













Details | Rhyme |

Impatience!

Mr. Webster defines "impatience" as a dislike for anything causin' delay.
Alas, my paucity of patience I am reminded of each and every day!
'Tis a subject upon which the Lord and I are in constant consultation.
Lord, help me in my quest for more patience is my earnest supplication!

On Sunday morns I squirm in my pew listenin' to the preacher pontificate.
His interminable oration goes on and on - for my football game I'll be late!
Again that very afternoon I lose all patience with my favorite football team!
Their fumblin', stumblin', bumblin' play just makes me want to scream!

I have little patience with slow movin' traffic causin' me to lay upon the horn!
Others extend a finger in response! (As I understand it, that's a sign of scorn)!
I impatiently wait for the leaves to blossom on my trees around the first of May.
In the autumn season, my patience is taxed rakin' those infernal leaves away!

I lose patience with the government always intrudin' in my life,
With their inane and meddlesome schemes that are so very rife!
I'm impatient with folks who babble on and on when a word or two will do,
Or retellin' a story I've heard a dozen times - 'tis a classic case of deja vu!

Forgive me Lord when at times I even become impatient with Thee.
If impatience is a sin, Lord I pray that You'll show mercy unto me!
Help me in my quest to be more patient is my earnest supplication,
But won't You please expedite Thy accomodation is my exhortation!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Burlesque |

Football Fields

I'm amazed, startled, and fed up,
With everything we see, to be
compared with football fields,
What about those like me...
who don't know a darn ol' thing,
'Bout "footballs" and their yards,
How many football fields,
Can dance on a  pin-head?
How many footballs can you
equate to a foot...
Leaving how many more toes?
To cram inside your boot?

I've only seen one football game,
Or, really part, there-of,
In 1966, I think, I never learned to love,
This silly game, over territory
Seemingly useless, as far as I can see...
Show me who wants a lawn,
With big numbers, painted graffiti , what's the key?

I seem to be alone in this,
Mention it, and in my beer,
some will piss...
I mean, what's wrong?
They couldn't even get the ball
to be round,
Looks like someone sat on it,
Maybe an overweight hound...

Pig skin?  Are they throwing
bacon strips around?
Now that I'd understand,
And would also fight for ground.

P.S.: How many Doghouses in a football field?
How many mite sites in a Dog house?
How many of those termites are terminal?
How could you possibly read this mind dribble?


Details | Free verse |

Chihuahua Football At The Rose Hill Stadium

 
Chihuahua Football At The Rose Hill Stadium
Watching football at home with my little dogs on a cold winter night, I realize that I coach my 
own football team.
 
Running deep far into the football field at the Rose Hill Stadium (Which is my vegetable-dyed 
Persian rug that I bought at an estate sale to cover my hardwoods.) is Piglet, a young and 
highly spirited white short-hair Chihuahua, who happens to also be a neutered male, ripped 
with lots of muscles and little body fat.  Piglet leaps up high and is able to catch in mid-air 
the fluffy white piece of parmesan cheese covered popcorn with his cute little white teeth. 
(That I just brushed with chicken flavored toothpaste after his bath)
 
Tessie, the long-haired, black and white female Chihuahua, who is not so lean, executes 
most of her plays as the defensive tackle position.  She often blocks Piglet from catching his 
popcorn and also profits from his fumbles, by intercepting his popcorn and eating it before 
she is able to execute a perfect touchdown.  (Haven’t managed to teach her to delay eating 
her popcorn yet)
 
Each year they get better and better, next year they might be ready to take their show on 
the road.  Until then, they have until the Super Bowl to practice their four footed maneuvers 
and tricks.  At best, they could make it to Letterman's Stupid Pet Tricks some day soon.
 
(No harm was done to animals in preparation of writing this poem or playing Chihuahua 
Football)
 
 



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