It’s always a good practice when living on a farm,
To have a family of cats living in the barn
They always keep the rats and mice at bay and furnish humor too –
Wherever you find kittens there’s usually a laugh or two.
Now, I remember one time, I was out there milking cows,
When I noticed three young kittens, out and on the prowl.
One, a fine young tomcat, was really acting brave
And I wondered if he faced some fear just how he would behave.
Skillfully I squeezed and threw some milk across his face –
He winced a bit, then licked his lips – he knew he’d found the place.
We played around awhile and soon the playing stalled
When he stopped and took a minute to answer nature’s call.
He didn’t know it but he backed himself up to a fresh cow pad
He grunted; then had the best little poop a kitten ever had.
He turned around to cover it; then began the fun.
He knew what he saw lying there was more than he had done.
He arched his back, let out a scream and broke into a run.
I thought, at first, it might have been something I had done.
But soon it was no mystery what scared that little cat.
There was the giant pile of poop I couldn’t help laughing at.
This kitten was the alpha kitten of the litter
Who ultimately proved to me that he was no quitter.
So, when the time came to find him a name…
Well ….. I just called him……”Fraidy”
Written By John Posey
I have a cat
A real fat cat
My cat is all black
My black fat cat
It is a cat with a knack
A true fact about my cat
My fat black cat
She has a knack to catch a rat
My all black cat brought me the rat
This is why my cat is a fat black cat
So rats watch your back
From my cat with the knack
Or you will become a snack for my fat black cat
Mrs Briggs' cat.
There's plenty to do in our neighborhood,
with games and places to explore.
But you really should run,
'cause the trouble's begun,
when you hear that "meow" at your door.
A cute little tabby cat sits on the step,
all fluffy and gentle as can be.
Just try not to be dim,
as you pet it, on a whim,
It'll eat you alive for its tea!
"Tiddles" belongs to old Mrs Briggs,
who lives up the end of my street.
She thinks it's a breeze,
but there're no guarantees,
that this pussy will ever be sweet.
Our local vicar thinks the damn thing's possessed,
and I'd say that he's right on the nail.
Surprised I would be,
If I wasn't to see,
Satan's head poking out of its tail!
So if you see that tabby cat coming your way,
I beg you, don't stand there and wait,
Don't stroke it, don't pet it,
look, sunshine, FORGET IT,
Or that moggy will seal your fate!
Lounging licking leaping
Prancing pouncing peeking
Corners closets crouching
Tail twirling twitching
Sniffing sensing sneezing
Hissing huffing hunting
Pretty purring preening
Curiosity kitty killing
Nine long lives living
A little grey mouse
snuck into the house
to get himself out of the cold.
Then the house cat
Who saw where he sat
pursued him I am told.
The lazy old dog
who sleeps like log
was startled by the chase,
So she woke up
her own small pup
and they joined in the race.
My sister the baby
decided that maybe
she would give it a try,
She started a spat
And was scratched by the cat
and then she started to cry.
That’s when mom
called to Uncle Tom
to come and lend a hand,
With a straw broom
mom circled the room
knocking plants from off a stand.
In came my dad
and he was quite mad
because the house was in disarray
He was vexed
with what happened next
But it happened just this way.
Our two brave bowsers
chased the mouse up dad’s trousers
He thought he’d be safe in there.
Until Dad started to dance
with the mouse in his pants
Then he jumped up on a kitchen chair.
Mom smacked dad’s seat
and then came a repeat
And the mouse climbed out of his pocket.
Unseen by all
he started to crawl
into the wall through an open socket.
Later that night,
With no one in sight,
I put out a nut for the little mouse.
I had no hate toward him,
And I tried to reward him.
Even if he was trapped inside our house.
I told him my name,
And he did the same,
Then he stuffed the nut into his cheeks.
He said thanks for the food,
And I don’t mean to be rude,
But that was the most fun that I’ve had in weeks.
What art thou, splendid maid, inclined to verse?
Upon the skies, the stars thy words rehearse.
The darkness cometh with a Fall's request
while in thy kitchen, Gail, should do your best;
for spicy tastes the famous bard now begs
but you regaled his pleas with two boiled eggs.
The Eros Iamb feet, sung by the sire,
repeated are by stray cats' alto choire.
while resonant, of music flaws he shuns,
cats meow at him, from two deep tin trash cans.
Your bucket-full of water then, is thrown,
to fall upon his head and new iphone.
Enchanted so, thou callest the fine bard,
to dance with you Fall's jazzy avant-garde.
© G. V., 10-03-2013
-honestly...I have no clue why...-
As I began to rest in my fickle dream
Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep
I was greeted by many a whisker
And petulant snores from my sister
The cat mewed ferociously and purred
For there on the other side of the window—was a bird!
It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass!
And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass
Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm
I swear my bosom was gone!
The cat then motioned at the feathered brat
For her bright breasts seemed extra fat
Of course it wouldn’t have been that
But I couldn’t just blame the cat!
I opened the window only a crack
And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?”
Such pride she attained from my bosom
Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!?
The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye
But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly!
She plopped to the ground and squawked
I would have laughed, but I was shocked!
The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes
Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!”
Before I could think I had fallen to the ground
To a booming, most terrible sound!
My eyes then opened to a cat on my head
As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed
the rain fell
dogs and cats
was late in coming
rolled over in bed
until a red
long haired cat
on my head
and my face
then a stray
mangy yellow dog
decided to play
chased Fred away
and decided to stay
his body heat
and I rolled over in bed
until a cool fat black cat
outside to the riverbank
Frank the cool fat black cat
started to scat
at the top of his range
at the edge of my bed
to my head
then Yellow and Fred
with guitar and bass
and played backup
while I played the bed
to save face
it was all
until my neighbors
who didn’t like our chops
banged a different tune
on the wall
and called the cops
they broke down
and took away us four
along with our instruments
less the bed of course
into a paddy wagon
it was in a cell
with a cot
that we realized that we were hot
and started our prison band called
me two cats and a mangy dog
"Why," thought the cat,
"can I see through the glass,
but when I try to go through it,
it won't let me pass?"
"There are bugs out there,"
the cat thought to himself,
"yet to them, I'm as dull as
a book on a shelf!"
The cat shook his head,
"This is really too much!
There's two squirrels in the yard
and a bird in the brush."
"How much fun it would be,"
with a mew he announced,
"to hunt and to stalk and then
"Why, I'd shake them until
their necks were broke!
Maybe then," mused the cat,
"I'd be more than a joke."
"They'd be amazed by my prowess,"
he thought with a sigh,
"I'd torture them slowly and
they'd wonder why,"
"they never realized that
I was a threat,
while completely ignoring me
like I was their pet."
"I'd show them," he growled
as he laid on the sill,
"with them in my tummy,
I'd savor the kill."
"They'd show some respect,"
he thought with a yawn,
"I'd shown them who's king
of this yard and this lawn."
Head full of adventure,
he fell fast asleep,
safe in his house,
with plenty to eat.
I do not know?
There once was a cat who hadn't much sense.
He liked to sit, every night, on a neighborhood fence
And sing, at the top of his not so sweet voice,
A medley of cat songs of his personal choice.
He'd been told many times, in no uncertain way,
That he'd be wise to sleep nights, and prowl in the day.
Because near the fence that he seemed to like best,
Lived a hard-working man who needed his rest.
So, late one night, in the light of the moon,
He climbed onto the fence and started to croon.
The sudden appearance of that unearthly sound
Aroused, from its sleep, the neighborhood hound.
With the yowl of the cat, and the yap of the hound,
The midnight was filled with the maddening sound.
From the house near the fence, you might understand,
Came a groan from the neighborhood hard-working man.
The poor, distraught man jumped out of his bed!
He ran to the window and stuck out his head.
He fumbled with this, and grappled with that,
Just anything handy to throw at the cat.
He threw both of his shoes, some books and a broom,
And everything else he could find in the room.
The symphony ended abruptly that night
And suddenly all was peaceful and quiet.
Next morning the cat limped home to his place,
And, believe it or not, he had a frown on his face.
Now, this might sound funny, but I assure you it's true,
Where everyone knows one should wear a hat--
--the cat was wearing a shoe.
"Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall"
Why would he want to do that?
I'm sure he didn't Want to fall,
Perhaps he was just looking for his cat.
"Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall"
The cat started looking for his master,
Meanwhile, our Humpty was trying to call,
But this only made the cat look faster.
"All the kings horses and all the kings men"
The cat stepped carefully toward his master,
Humpty thought he was saved again,
But all it meant was a real disaster!
"Couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty together again.
The cat started to lick as it started to rain,
Humpty felt himself getting thinner and thinner,
As the cat had more and more of his dinner.
This is the story of our Humpty-the egghead,
Who fell off the wall and made a great splat,
He didn't know the fall would make him spread,
And make a great meal for his fat ole cat.
Poor ole Humpty-Dumpty !
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood sto'
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood sto'
Well I can look at you and tell you ain' no child no mo'
A few interpretations for this visually challanged and rather paranoid creature:
Still makes me hungry just don't LOOK good as it used to or
Still smells good, just ain't sure what I'm SMELLIN' no more or
Don't LOOK good as it used to, Don't SMELL good as it used to and
Definitely don't TASTE good as it used to or...
I was born that way, so what? or
Used to have two, now I only got one and
That's all you need to peep with anyways and
I think that's all you got left too so...
Let's put our eyes together on this thing and
Let's sneak over there and tom-peep that hole and
You peep on the women seafood and tell me about it and
I'll peep on the men seafood and tell you about it and...
Wait a minute here, something's not...
No, no I'm not gay! I swear I'm not!
I know by the above verse it might appear that way but
I swear to god! I swear to god I never...
Alright now, this has gone JUST ABOUT FAR ENOUGH and
You can't hardly tell them apart anyway and
The men don't even have one...they just kinda sprinkle, you know and
The rest just...How do I know? Well I-uh...read it somewhere and...
Oh, just kiss my big you-know-what! and
Wait!...I-I mean...if you're a FEMALE fish you can or a lady uh...
Oyster? Or girl crab or ..Hey, stop that!...Ow!
I didn't say...Ouch! Why you!...(Sigh) let's try this again, shall we?
Sorry folks...Just had to get this out of my system...Hope you think it's funny and
What?... WELL!! Kiss my-my uh...Elbow!...yeah, that's it! My elbow...
Bill Haley and the Comets became rich and famous for doing a 'sanitized' version of this song in 1954... Big Joe's original was considered too suggestive and sexual for white audiences...
Second verse for example:
'Way you wear those dresses, the sun come shinin' thru
Way you wear those dresses, the sun come shinin' thru
I can't believe my eyes all that mess belong to you'
(In 'proper' English: THE way you wear those dresses)
Kitty, kitty in my chair,
Sitting there so debonair.
Black cat with shiny eyes,
To cross your path could be unwise.
Playful feline pounces fast,
Jump on people walking past.
Tabby teases a little mouse,
Tauntingly throughout the house.
Oh! Of cats what can I say?
They prowl at night and sleep all day.
Contest; Cat Poems ~~
Sponsored by: Constance ~ A Rambling Poet ~
My son and his family drove down from the big city,
out to the countryside with open fields and steams.
They brought their standard golden poodle along,
a curly-haired fellow, name of Timmy.
Timmy had never seen a cat;
not even a mole or a furry rat.
Visiting country kin, he was checking things out.
Everything went fine that very first day.
Cats went about paying him no mind.
He walked about just passing time.
On that second day there was a big mistake.
Being a city dog with more worldy ways,
to add pleasure to his hum-drum days,
he thought it time to befriend these country kin.
The cats had never seen a dog this small,
only those on stilts, big, long and tall,
like Pyrenees, big wide mouths and teeth to match.
With barking big dogs on the scene,
up a tree they squirreled, never to be seen.
But this golden-haired fellow, with city clout--
they’d give him benefit of instinctive doubt.
Mama cat was even so bold
to sniff this city slicker right on the nose.
Sizing him up all the while, a friendly rat, she surmised,
a might bigger than some she had seen,
playing cat and mouse, yet acting so coy;
that is, until that overgrown golden-haired rat
walked up to Mama’s black baby boy.
Mama’s two other sons, another black and a blue,
began to gather nearer this city dweller, too.
Timmy politely extended his nose.
black son cat extended his razor-sharp claws,
with a bristled tail and fierce hissing jaws.
Timmy let out with a painful yelp,
as Mama cat called all boys in for help.
Cats surrounded and gave chase to the dog,
life-fearing circles around the cedar tree he’d log;
four hissing cats hot on his tail,
poor Timmy yelping in a desperate wail.
The master of Timmy gave rescue,
but Mama cat and her three grown sons,
strutting in pride, putting a dog on the run.
Written by: Carolyn Henderson
For Constance LaFrance's Cat Poem Contest
Won 9th Place
He was sitting cross legged at 15th and Market
The people would walk around him during the workweek
He sat chatting with his cat
The cat was named Mr Johnson and they were friends
The man had skin cancer on his nose in the form of a bloody mole
And there were days when he sat talking with the Mole
The Mole would chastise him saying,"If your mother could only see you now."
"If my mother could see me now it would be a miracle,"said the man
The man's mother had been dead for over 20 years
The Mole loved to get his back rubbed but the man was tired
So the Mole gave him the silent treatment
And Mr Johnson reached up and scratched the mole
"You musn't be mean to the man or I will not feed you Mole."
The Mole apologized to the Man
The man decided to tell the Mole a story and cat would add parts
He always added parts
There once was a flower
'It stood near a Disco tower, "added Mr Johnson
Its petals were yellow
"All good moles shout hello,"sang Mr Johnson
And the policeman was shaking the man and his mole
"Move along buddy."
Attempt at Burlesque
Violet Kitty Cat
Famous within my neighbourhood
Wears a pink frilly dress
As she reclines dignified on the front porch
July 16, 2013
For the contest Show Me The Funny (Part 2)
Sponsored by Andrea Dietrich
"My word," said the cat,"you certainly do stink.
Methinks water's for bathing, not just to drink!"
"Retract those sharp claws," the dog stifled a yawn,
"I get plenty clean when I roll on the lawn."
"So much for you dogs having a great sense of smell,"
cat wrinkled his nose and whipped his long tail,
"now you just stink like the hinges of Hell."
"Get lost," snarled the dog, "with your sense of perfection,
"you only act sweet when you want some affection."
"At least they can kiss me," the old cat purred,
"without holding their noses since you smell like a turd."
"I am Man's Best Friend," the dog said with great pride,
"and I got that way by not being so snide."
"YOU'RE Man's best friend?" the cat said with a hoot,
"I feel sorry for Man, if that is the truth!"
"Don't make me get up," the old dog growled,
"I'll tear off your head," his eyes looking wild.
"I have speed for protection,"
he stretched with feline perfection,
"and as I go now, I fart
in your general direction."
A serial killer named Dexter
His victim's wounds they would just fester
He causes great fear
To those that are near
He'll pounce on a mouse just like a jester
© 2013 Rick Zablocki
Two kittens sleep
aside as I write purring
each in a moccasin
You have to love them to sift their latrine,
The uric fragrance burning your nose and eyes
As you render their special place fresh and clean--
One of them watches, impatient, and sighs.
You have to be ready for sleep-rending howls
When one recovers his ragged cloth ball--
At twelve or two--shaking it with feral growls,
Boasting his prey up and down the hall.
You must be attentive--even at four--
If bowls are empty and bellies not full:
Rude rattling and scratching on the bedroom door
Has such a hypnotic, nerve-racking pull.
How apt the pharaohs decreed them divine,
While litter-box slaves were treated like swine.
The day after Thanksgiving I didn't have to work
So, I decided to do something which was kind of a quirk.
I thought I would do some early shopping
For those Christmas gifts that would be eye popping.
As I started my car to begin my store raid
Something went amiss to stop my escapade.
I opened the hood to find the problem there
When I saw it, it really gave me a scare.
Our neighbor's black cat had crawled onto the engine block
Feeling the warmth, but not taking stock.
When I turned the key to give it a start
The cat shrieked as its tail was nearly cut apart.
Oh, it wasn't intentional that I hurt that poor pet
But you've never seen anything like it I'll bet.
When I heard the noise and the hissing you see,
I thought one of the hoses had broken...leaking fluently.
But it was the cat that was hissing when I raised the hood
All he could think of was to jump for where I stood.
With claws all out and teeth set to bite
Him coming at me was quite the site.
Fortunately he missed me with his outstretched paws,
Or I would have been really attached to those razor like claws.
When he hit the ground he ran away
Scared the crap out of me...that's all I'll say.
So I had to collect myself before I could go anywhere
Went back to the house and just stood shaking there.
Of course, I had to have a pop or two
To settle my nerves before I started anew.
Before I knew it, I was asleep in a chair
I never attempted to go anywhere.
All because a black cat wanted to keep warm
In the end, I was thankful I did so little harm.
"Black Friday" would have cost me a heck of a lot more
Had it not been for that cat's dozing for sure.
So, now whenever I go to the store
I buy some cat food, for that kitty next door.
He still remembers my opening that hood
I still remember him trying to claw me where I stood.
But we've come to an understanding that cat and me
And I tap the car before starting it to let him see.
As it is now...he stays out of my way,
Except when I feed him, for all the money he saved me on "Black Friday".
She’s out there chasing a cricket
Through bush, through shrub & through thicket
Together they hop
But when she gets it, she just wants to lick it!
A cat whose vet took his eye
Just cannot quite understand why
His eye’s been enucleated,
3-D vision reduciated,
So now, he keeps an eye out for an eye
Ya gotta keep limericks loose
Think green eggs, or perhaps Dr. Seuss
They’re structured, it’s true,
But they’re also a zoo
Whose tenants are all on the loose!
I frolic in fountains of words
Overflowing with serious absurds
Each poem I write
Wakes up and takes flight
Joining angels and faeries and birds
You ask that we write a good limerick
How to do so, I haven’t a glimmerick
So I struggle and frown
Teaching poems to clown
So a smile on your lips will be shimmerick
A cat with a mouth full of mouse
Brought her feast right into my house
She played with her food
Who was not in the mood
To be a banquet of mouse in the house
The nightmares that shadow my sleep
Stampede the proverbial sheep
Right out of my mind
When I try to unwind
I find my appointment with sleep hard to keep
In her search for original truth
She met people unsavory and couth
She knitted and purled
But only unfurled
Yarns told by new age and old youth
Cat, suddenly pink,
Drinks her water from out of the sink
She looks so absurd
Since she’s been de-furred
I really don’t know what to think!
If one and one is two and two is four,
And there’s only two ways to go through a door,
Then, is earth up or down?
And, where is down town?
These are questions we need to explore!
A was that is an is
Tried to mind my biz
But I sent it packing,
Its presence was lacking
And I don’t have time for such shiz!
A couple who lived in Los Lunas
Loved the wide desert sky’s crystal blueness
They’d stare at the air,
Over here, over there
And rejoice at the feeling of newness
A cat with a very fat gut
Found it easier to walk on his butt
He’d drag it around
Across carpet and ground
And use it to slam the doors shut
Said the Missus to her dear Mr. Otter,
“There’s something I think that you oughta
Do before we get old
To protect us from cold –
You oughta make the hot water hotter!”
The ghosts who live up in my attic
Make noises that sound much like static
I’ve tried to send them away,
But they’re here to stay,
Those staticky ghosts in my attic
Bats in the belfry.
Rats in the hall.
Cats sleeping through it all.
I do not know?
so, the frenzied hunt is on,
for that perfect gift,
that unique something,
for that special someone.
diverse species of stuffed animals,
gold and silver anklets,
carefully trimmed bouquets,
painstakingly worded cards,
gift vouchers, moonlit dinners,
cruises, picnics, breakfasts in bed.
Gosh, I’ve got to run,
I’ve just thought of exactly,
exactly what my cat will love…
there's a dog in the litter
Not sure if it's a senryu or a haiku? Help, please :)
Some cat entered my room one night
I thought it was a ghost
It smelled like something had just died
But I must oblige my guest as the host
I turned on the light and there it was
An obnoxious opossum at best!
Whoa! Forget my host duties, cous!
Take the room—I’m an unhappy guest!
I left the house with a shutter
Before I realized I was heavily surrounded
By cats on all sides, up and under
The house they had all just rounded!
In truth I was perturbed on all levels
That I began to realize in horror
That damn opossum had spawned these little devils!
And tonight I must end this terror!
I then ran straight to the kitchen
Aware of the opossum inside
If I give up the tuna and ditch um’
Perhaps I’ll escape this night alive
The persistent cats scratched at the holes
Those buggers—those meddlers!
They could have been thieves—if not trolls!
Their yowls would scare sumo wrestlers!
Worst of all in this dilemma
Tomorrow was grocery day
There were no more cans of tuna
All my fish had swam away!
Somehow one got in
And the rest came barreling through
I ran toward my room to him
The opossum looked so distressed and blue
The little beady eyes pierced my soul
And I knew from then on he was my friend
He only meant to hide from the furry little trolls
And escape a most pitiful end!
I made up my mind at last
And picked up my trusty broom
Come on in—I dare yah tah pass!
Ain’t no feline coming through this room!
Glowing eyes burned with intent
And the yowling grew loud as hell
The little bullies think they can take my guest!
They’ll fly like birds they will!
That night was a battle like none other
A battle I will proudly say I won
I gained the friend of my life—a brother
My pet’s a load of fun!
As much as I love a neighbor cat
They are a little scary as a race
Thankfully a broom will push them back
And put them in their place
My opossum is a sweet little thing
And I protect him with my life
I’ll never judge a critter again
Till actions bring it to light
Awoke in the dark upon my bed
With the cat sleeping on my head,
Grabbed my socks and blew my nose
Tried to pull my hanky onto my toes.
I knew something wasn’t right
Shoulda turned on the light.
Staggered to the kitchen,
While the cat was kickin’...
Seems I put her food in the litter box,
And now she’s going into detox.
Where in the heck is the coffee pot?
Sure am trippin’ a lot.
I knew something wasn’t right.
Shoulda turned on the light.
Time for me to go to work,
Gotta get the coffee to perk.
Tastes awful weak without the grounds.
Time to go to work and make my rounds,
On no …. that’s right… I Lost my job!
Oh well, might just go for a jog.
I knew something wasn’t right.
Shoulda turned on the light.
Skat Kat has a contest that should be fun
Now it's Hello Kitty for everyone
What in the world is a poor guy to do?
Kitty mania is making me blue
Everywhere I look Kitty now appears
Kitty Kat Phobia is bringing me to tears
Short and adorable I can't resist
She begs my attention wants to be kissed
I never noticed that cute little face
I adorned kitty with satin and lace
My friends are worried I am obsessed
A guilty pleasure I have to confess
It's not to late I'll say Kitty goodbye
If I'm seen with Kitty I would just die
Hello Kitty (world) contest
What does the cat say?
“That damn dog is getting on
my very last nerve.”
Cat and Mouse: hide and seek
This could take an hour or week
No one wants to seem too bold
So we put our love on hold
A peek here and a peek there
Wondering if we really dare
Wondering what the seconds bring
Wondering if the phone will ring
Wondering, wondering: peek a boo
You’re hiding…. but I SEE you
I see past that great big wall
Your heart’s ready for the fall
I know that you caught the bait
But I sit and wait and wait
I’m patient, got time of day
But oh, what if you get away!
Cat and mouse: hide and seek
Oh, my knees are getting weak
Oh, this heart’s sure to explode
The waiting’s gone to overload
One more second's just too much
No time for cat games and such
Hide and seek…is getting old
Here I am! My love is bold!
Ready? You'll be caught real tight!
Cause boy, your just out of sight!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Twas the night before Christmas, I say, in my gentle refrain.
Dear Santa had been busy, traveling the night, so very long.
He left us for last, as we were always gave him, a lot of pain.
No matter our good intentions, something always went wrong.
We surprised him with Carols, and he jumped back into the fire.
With so much magic, you’d think his clothes, wouldn’t singe so?
As our Great Dane jumped up, to kiss him, I thought he’d expire!
They fell into the tree, now entwined on the floor, so cute, all-aglow!
But the cat was a little pissed as he came out of the tree, you see…
And he attacked Santa for disturbing, his comfy good dreams.
I pulled the cat off, and falling on top, he accidentally got kneed.
Asking forgiveness, I offered a cookie, and he suddenly screamed.
The Great Dane had grabbed the cookie, while it was IN his hand!
Thank goodness, he’s a great, wonderful, and forgiving old man!
Last year, he’d ask the tree, be near his escape, a great game plan.
But he now got entangled in the big, hanging stockings, as out he ran.
He was choking, bright red, a good color on him, as we cut him free.
But he was dizzy and fell into the hot chocolate, and it’s warming pan.
So he jumped up and down, waving his arm, as he again, tried to flee.
Leaving, I heard him exclaim, ‘My day job is easier, I’m a stunt man!’
Still, next year he’ll be back, he says we’re nice, you see…
We just all understand, he’ll also be in a hurry to… leave.
My cat is definitely crazy.
She chases invisible bugs
then runs through my kitchen
scattering the cotton rugs.
When I was working out
she jumped on my treadmill.
She leapt off just as quickly,
I guess she'd had her fill.
She runs through the house
chased by invisible ghosts,
then, back arched, she skids to a stop.
Yes, a stranger cat than most.
She sleeps under the trampoline.
She thinks that I can't see her.
But I know just where she is
by her snoring, not her purr.
She is a funny animal
but we get along just fine.
I wouldn't want another,
this crazy cat is mine.
see"about this poem" for photo
A cat ate a mouse
that had been poisoned by a man,
and the cat died.
The owner of the cat sued the man
for killing her cat.
A jury of his peers ruled
that the death of the cat
was a clear case of justifiable homicide.
Used to wonder where he was sometimes for days
Thought I knew his quirky ways
When I called him for dinner with tintap
Now I know why he didn’t head for the cat flap
He often ate dinner in another bowl
My cat sat at another fire, warmed by other coal
Rubbed against another soft-felt shoe
Purred for another’s smiling face too.
In that dog-eat-dog world there
A cat ate anywhere
After all he never promised you see
Never signed a contract with me
I mean were not married, no legal consent
It was just a casual open arrangement
Well, things happen as they may :
Met the “other woman” one day -
About the weather a friendly chat
Of a sudden I said, oh there’s my cat,
She said, and there’s mine too !
But there was only one cat in view.
We quickly pooled our knowledge
We didn’t need a degree from college
We both whispered pushwoosh
To attract “our” cat away from the thorn bush
But he darted through the leaves
And climbed up to the eaves
And another woman’s arms pulled him in
And cuddled him and tickled his chin.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Written 2 August 2012
Entered in Poet ~ Destroyer's Contest Any poem you posted this week....
It was a chilly morning in paradise...
Autumn was already here...
A time for strange things to happen, as it is that time of year...
She was up most of the night, doing a write....
Regarding some hubs and her series titled "Legend of Fred "
Ahh the questions she had... rolling around in her head..
Were “where were her readers, her followers “ her Hubbers...?
They had all seemed to like what she wrote in the past..
But lately her hubs were falling so fast....
She had written articles on health and life..
perhaps she had targeted too much strife...
Maybe they wanted to read about food..
But when you're not a cook, that would be kinda rude..
Oh, will wonders never cease ?
So she decided she'd get some zzzzz's
She lay in her bed, not moving at all...
but breathing quite deeply, as I saw the covers fall...
So I stretched my muscles and walked ever so slow..
So as not to wake her , then I spied her big toe..
Sticking out from the blanket..it was such a temptation..
And with me having such a" foot fixation".. however...
She needed the rest , so she can finish her quest..
I have some thoughts of my own...
that I would like to share in a poem..
And I would be happy to help her.. but..
I don’t think the world is ready for me...
as I am a BLOGGING CAT.. you see
So I will close for now...everyone have a great week...as
I'm off to seek something that has a tweak and a squeak..
My name is Fritz, Shrödinger’s Cat,
I sometimes wonder where I’m at.
Within a small world I exist;
My master, he’s a physicist
Who talks of protons, neutrons too,
Held in place with magic glue.
He’s weird and in his element
Performing this experiment.
Trapped in a box and full of strife,
I feel I’ve only half a life.
My fate decided by old Geiger,
I wish I’d been a Bengal tiger !
My feline life hangs by a thread;
In two minds if alive or dead,
I muse “To be or not to be,
That, is the real uncertainty”.
His scientific articles
On sub-atomic particles,
And his famous Wave Equation
Earned Erwin cherished Nobel Prize.
I stare at him with knowing eyes –
He’s overlooked I have nine lives –
Against the odds, the CAT survives !
I woke up this morning and put my socks on my face
I put my pants on my elbow, hey what other place?
My bagels, I gave to the cat with jelly on,
The cat food was tasty, when I sat down to some.
I needed a pee so I went to the road,
Unfortunately there, I peed on a toad.
The toad was disgusted and warty all over,
He hopped into the road and was squashed by a Rover.
I was fully relieved and need to go the shops,
I couldn’t find my keys they were thrown out with the slops.
I waved down a car and held him to ransom with a banana
I told him don’t worry “I’m not gonna harm ya”
Some lovely men in white coats so white they are gleaming
The cars with pretty lights and sirens are screaming.
They say they want to take me for a nice rest
“I just don’t have time” I said “stop being a pest.”
They wrapped me in this lovely white warm jacket
It has straps and belts and looks as if it cost a packet.
The room they have rented is all soft, quiet and warm
They have left me here now saying I can do no more harm.
Some years ago I fell on hard times.
So my friend took me in and my cat Kiwi too.
At times life speaks in rhythm and rhymes.
We had adventures and this story's true.
She had Simba who was a huge dog.
Sometimes the cat and dog would fight.
Simba usually slept like a log.
While Kiwi prowled all through the night.
One day I tried to protect my kitty.
So into the master bedroom I threw her.
Unknown to me this was such a pity.
For suddenly there was flying fur!
Seems Simba was in there taking a snooze.
Kiwi landed smack on his back.
Out they charged and began to cruise.
Galloping like a pony,nothing left intact.
Kitty dug in her claws;held on for dear life.
Doggy whimpered as he flew room to room.
Those claws were sharp as a razor knife.
This magic carpet ride bound for doom.
We laughed so hard we nearly spit.
To see kitty taking this rough ride.
We couldn't help but roll with it.
Suddenly Simba flipped on his backside.
Down flew Kiwi over his head.
Off she ran , somewhere to hide.
Simba glanced around with dread.
That was sure some crazy ride!
written March 13th, 2014
My cat went a roaming to find a new home.
Sing kitty,sing katty,sing Oh!
This cat was so clever he had his own comb.
Look up,now look down,stone the crows!
He went into the neighbours' and drank all their milk.
Sing,fridge raiding kitties.No,No!
Then he laid himself down on a piece of fine silk.
Sing,what the dickens,my lovely pillow!
He went to the butcher and ate all the steak.
Sing greedy,he's ruined my flow.
Then he went to the hairdresser for a shampoo.
Where else can a puttitat go?
He had no plastic,no money,no cheque!
Sing,cheater,sing creature,sing woe.
She sent for a Copper who paid the cat's bill.
And so my puss came out all aglow.
Now my cat was glossy and plump and refreshed.
Sing:fancy,it all goes to show.
So he came home and said this place is best.
And he picked up his cello and bow.
He scraped some Sibelius and also some Grieg.
Sing: Northern lights can always glow.
But,he looked so self satisfied,I felt annoyed....
One should not let one's narcissism show.
But he was so handsome,I was glad he came home.
Sing,grateful,sing katefull,sing Ho!
And I hope he will never again want to roam.
Sing glory.sing story;Sing So!
To help address the mouse problem
With which the world is smitten
(God knows, we have enough of them)
My cat has just produced another kitten.
The indiscipline of kittens is not welcome -
They won’t soon catch a mouse,
The curtain climbing, table walking, and then some -
They just don’t care about the rules of the house.
And it’s like catching a pin cushion.
When they jump on me from the stairs in the hall.
It’s then I sometimes get a notion :
I wonder if mice are really so bad after all?
A cat loved a parakeet,
It would always keep looking for her around the neighborhood,
Just to catch a glimpse of the cute parakeet,
When the parakeet will sit for a little while on the Guava Tree,
The cat would leave everything else and unabashedly look at the parakeet,
She took no notice of this at first,
Then on a beautiful wintery day, she noticed the love-struck cat,
Their eyes met,
It was Pure Magic!
She loved the color of the cat’s eyes,
It was a deep shade of dark brown,
In sharp contrast to the deep blue eyes that she had,
The cat's eyes said a lot of things to her, which only she could understand,
Their silent love went on for days,
They kept looking at each other for hours and hours and hours together,
Then months passed till one day the cat mustered some courage,
Walking in a trance, it tip-toed towards the Guava Tree,
The cute parakeet laughed and giggled a little,
Seeing the Romeo take charge,
She flew down from a higher branch to a lower one to cutely say ‘Bravo’,
The cat now swelling with great pride climbed atop the the Guava tree with some difficulty,
They embraced, hugged each other and had a feeling of Divine Love!
Yesterday evening, while it was raining, they finally got married,
The squirrel was the best man in their wedding,
All the animals and birds of the neighbourhood wished the newly weds their best of wishes,
They happily live now in the good old Guava Tree.
She is the most demanding cat who ever shared my home.
She stares at me so balefully till I do what she wants,
And yet I love her more than any other cat I’ve owned.
She tramples on my feelings as she tramples on my plants
Then stalks away with nothing more than a disdainful glance.
Some people say of pussies, that you can’t tell them apart …
I treat all mine as equals … but Pandora has my heart ...
Death came a knocking while I was out
He did not have time for me to be about
Up at five before the sun
Picking up what I left undone
Coffee black cup after cup
Trying to get my body woke up
Do a load of laundry and fry some eggs
Do a load of dishes wake up the kids
Feed them, cloth them solve every crisis extra soon
Off to the school bus jumping over the moon
Let the dog out, put the cat in
Finish to start, end to begin
Wash my face, comb my hair
Put on anything that is near
Rushing out, racing the car
Just an errand here, on time so far
Dry cleaning, day care, drug store
No time for just one more
Clock in at work meeting at nine
Forget lunch who has the time
In basket full, out basket bare
Check an e-mail if you dare
Finally work is done
You clock out on the run
Get bread and milk and sneak a candy bar
The kids are home and they need the car
Soccer, baseball, dancing and the flute
All these activities cost me loot
Hardly time to eat dinner at eight
Home work, baths than a minute to escape
The cat gets out the dog wants in
You're looking in the cupboard for that bottle of gin
Finally a moment of peace
Everybody exhausted and asleep
You forgot Junior's cupcakes off to Wal-Mart
Better gas up saving time to be smart
On the way home a ring on the cell phone
Quick trip to the airport I moan
Spouse trip cancel needs ride
It is okay you will survive
Finally in the drive way and who do you see
Shaking his head as he leaves
Death walking by, he finally gave up
He murmured about a schedule and life's a nut
So as I lay down to rest
My love's hand upon my chest
I hear the crying of a child
The boogie man awoken him in dreams wild
I sometimes wonder if it would bother me
If Death would come back and fetch me
But the note he left upon my door
My soul is mine till I'm ninety-four
He did not have time for me to be about
Death came a knocking while I was out
Silly kittens made of fluff
Pouncing, sliding, snagging stuff
Butterflies that float on by
Out of reach but still they try
Rolling wrestling cotton balls
Soon so tired from their falls
Lying down with mommy purring
Not a kitten soon is stirring
A short little laugh.
A roll on the floor,
Nearly in tears I realize I am not alone in the room.
An eye brow rises at my odd conniption.
I merely point breathlessly at the corner.
Once more the cat has gotten its head caught in a plastic cup.
Best Ever Saw
I’m gonna tell you a story,
Of the saltiest preacher I know.
The kinda man to charge hell,
With a hand full of snow.
Now I was stompin out broncs.
For the ranch W M,
Tunin’ up for the rodeo
That I planed to win.
When this tall talkin’ preacher,
Tells me about all my sin,
And tellin’ me about salvation,
That only with the lord could I win.
So I tells him God never been,
On no killer broncs as these.
Only his counter part,
Can tame the likes of these.
But that ol’ preacher was a believer,
And said God can move mountains,
And only through his word,
Can you find out his plans.
I say’s true nuff,
I believe it’s a fact.
But I get you wouldn’t be so sanctomonios
If you got on catamouts back.
Well now that ol’ preacher
Up and calls my bluff
And toe’s into the sturrip
And settled down with a huff
Now Catamount likes what he does,
And does it right well.
And I knew this here preacher
Was going to get a real taste of hell
Ol’ Cat knew every trick
Writ in the book
And I’d lay wages to say he’s
The auther if you cared to look
Cat he start out easy to the left
And finishes out to the right
But that preacher sat that saddle
Jest holdin’ on tight
Then that mean ol’ bronc
Starts curly-wolfin’ it though the field
And I think that preacher
Knew ol’ Cat would never yield.
Next cat starts a sunfishin’
‘cuz he had new shoes he wanted to show
Oh. By the way they’re Nike’s
‘case you wanted to know.
But then that preacher was about
To give up and fall
The Wallmart attendant came out
And unplugged the pony from the wall
That goes to show you
The Lord works in strange ways
For I see that preacher ever’ week
‘Cuz I goes to church on Sundays.
Dogs, are man's best friend
who's most endearing quality is
an unbound willingness
to do our bidding
Cats, are like prodigies or savants
who's most endearing quality is
an unbound resistance
to do the same
A young robin my cat once befriended
Till one day the relationship ended
I came home to find
That my cat changed her mind
For from her mouth a feather extended
She sped to dinner like a flash,
soon she'd be tipsy and flabby.
When suddenly there was a crash,
OH!she tripped over a tabby.
She was shocked, the cat was shocked,
Yes!the cat was shocked and how!
But don't you worry, off they walked,
With an OW! and a cursing MEOW!
She just trotted off, for hunger beckoned,
but as she struggled with food, forks and knives,
I doubt if at all she had reckoned,
That she'd scared off eight of kitty's nine lives.
How much is the cat in the window?
The one that’s standing up
How much is the cat in the window?
I do hope that kitty is for sale
I don’t want a turtle or a snake
I don’t want a bowl of fish or a guinea pig
I don’t want a cute rabbit or a bird
You can’t give them things a hug
How much is the cat in the window?
The one that’s standing up
I have a slight problem at home
And if I have a cat then maybe
the rat will leave
(TRIPLE HAIKU in fact...)
Awww...cats are so cute!
Rubbing against my 2 legs
I head to my room
They watch me like a shepherd
My sheep follow me!
My little buddy
Follows me into bathroom
Hope she turns her head
Adopt a snow Leopard the TV ad said
Just £5 a month
So I signed up straight away
I forgot all about it
until there was a knock on the door one day
I opened the door and just saw two delivery men
And there before my door
was a large crate
that wasn't there before
There was a label
saying ''this is Fred
handle carefully or you
Well I scratched my head
then the penny dropped
as I heard a mighty roar
Never had a cat as a pet before.
I opened the crate carefully
and much to my surprise
With a huge snow leopard with massive sharp teeth
and wild angry eyes
I didn't know what to do
but I needed new underpants
and I was petrified.
''Here kitty'' I said I guess it wasn'twell fed
by the way it bit my leg ouch!
I was as angry as a thunderstorm
and shouted very loud
and Fred got back in the cage
at the back and coward.
Soon I realized Fred was just a scaredy cat
and not a fearsome monster at all
He loved having his belly stroked
and playing with a ball.
We'd go everywhere together
and in the stores we'd always get straight to the front of the cue
We'd run through through fields of lavender
and taste the morning dew.
Then one morning I got a letter
''We want Fred back he's so rare
we want to put him in a zoo''
I thought not bloomin likely
but what could I do?
To be continued.
On a serious note, Snow Leopards are very rare, so are mountain Gorillas, only 180 left. They are trapped and killed for trophies and fur. They were here long before is. they need our help. The World wildlife fund and other such charities rely on donations.
Peter Dome.copyright.2013. Dec.
We are sick to think we have done something big.
We are in a daze and nothing more.
The cats that came were deformed.
They legs were made to dance.
The rigmarole was a silent scream.
They were as colorful as butterflies.
They walked around with scary eyes.
The fat men that brought them were sloppy pigs.
They were sick to think they had done something big.
Immense the ravage these pigs were.
They were friends to the deformed felines.
They stomachs were made to prey human.
The raze caused confusion.
They were to form the great divided.
They walked around with scary eyes.
They would feast on the rodents that thrive in the ground.
They were to be taught this or they would be wiped out.
On a deadly morn, the cats woke.
By noon, the pigs honked.
The people of the City did their work.
This would be the day guns smoked.
The Cats lives were lived in dilapidation.
The Pigs lives were in slop.
The Wild Boars would try to convert.
The pigs were pigs ate by the humans.
The battle started.
The humans killed more.
The wild boars receded.
The deformed felines were destroyed.
~Inspired by the expressive art of poetry via storytelling, fantasy, fairy tales, tall tales, etc.~
After working for most of forty years,
I’d surely paid my dues.
Retirement brought me time to play
and I need give no excuse.
I’d paid my taxes cheerfully
and tithed for the good Lord.
All my club dues were up to date.
No one could say a word
If I should indulge myself a bit
and live my life with ease.
With children grown and on their own
I had only self to please.
One day a small cat came to call.
I fell for his kittenish ways.
He seemed to be the perfect fit
when I had some lonely days.
What ever was I thinking?
My head must be filled with rocks.
I gave up my freedom, my just dues,
for a cat and his litter box.
For Paula’s contest “ How Due You Dew” I won # 2
(this poem has nine stanzas, which means KATS have 9
lives - there's proof right there! J/K Enjoy this silly, kute
For some weird reason,
Those kute kreatures make my night
The best one ever!
Klever, little kats
I weep happy tears…buddy!
They are KUTE KREATURES
Listenin’ to musik…
Demi Lovato’s awesome
Lonesome without kat…
Without my kute kat
By my side, I’m torn apart
My lonely day’s gone!
Kats make my night fun!
Midnight has dawned upon me
Without my buddies,
I’d be an unhappy guy
Music + kats = great!
Hey krazy kitty!
Come to me! Cheer me up, man!
Kats are krazy kool!
My kompanion’s kewl!
My black kat, Spy, reminds me
Of a sly panther
All of my kitties
Make me beam all day and night
Where’s my furry friend?
As the kids sat around undecided and blaize…
A summer project was needed ever so badly today…
My crew wavered and together finally exclaimed…
They wanted a video and to make it spectacular this time…
Anything less than U Tube quality would be a crime…
So the kids ask for a poem about their favorite fare,
They wanted it full of a large quantity of action and flair.
And the topic they wanted, that warmed their hearts…
Were the antics of Dandylion the cat of our house.
So cat chasing and spying became a spectacular game…
As they watched the kitty pounce upon his little rag mouse.
Then he slid and he jumped as he ran through the house.
He attacked the dogs tails as he snuck up behind…
And he climbed to the window to count birds passing by…
Then he tried to jump on the counter as I made everyone’s lunch.
He had to eat first… there was no other way, than first…
Then later I put the baby down for a nap…
And surprise, surprise!
I found the Kitty next to baby with 4 paws to the sky.
The video, music, and poetry would eventually come to be…
With the older kids stringing it together for me.
It was finally good for a lot of laughs…
As the kids all got copies for dear Mom and Dad…
But now let me instruct and suggest as all videos must:
Though many a one was happily surprised and beset…
No Animals were hurt in the making of “Nap Time for Kitty”...
Of that, you can bet...
We have a ginger cat that we love dearly,
But we face the same dilemma with him yearly.
This sleek, loveable and sassy feline,
For the Yule Tree always makes a beeline!
We adorn the tree with delicate gee-gaws with care,
As my friend fixes me with his inscrutable stare.
He watches so innocently as I decorate the tree,
Quivering with excitement anxious to go on his spree!
After the tree is trimmed with things so pretty,
I admonish him, "Now stay away from there, kitty!"
He just twitches his whiskers with a scornful smirk,
Patiently waiting 'till I leave so he can go berserk!
Cozily settled by the fire I hear a resounding crash,
Leap from my chair and cross the room in a flash!
Of course no cat near the tree is there a trace.
I find him in another room innocently washing his face!
Long after the tree is stored for the next Yuletide,
Decorations found under chairs we take in stride.
As they say, Christmas comes but once a year,
So we'll tolerate the mischievous antics of this old dear!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
In the house on the corner lived a huge yellow cat.
This cat was clumsy and a wee bit fat.
He was constantly being pestered by a troublesome rat,
Who was playing with his mind by hiding under a hat.
The cat thought to himself, “I’ll fix this pest,
I’ll prepare for him a cozy nest.”
However when it was put to the extreme test,
The rat said to him, “Surely you jest!”
The nest was ignored all the way around,
The rat could be heard making an annoying sound.
Nowhere near this nest would he be found,
From his distance the annoyance would continually resound.
The moral of the story is quite simple, you see,
The rat was contented to antagonize with glee.
The cat, however, no happy camper was he,
He simply was as dumb as could be.
Red dot of light
Glides across the room
Must capture this intruder
She crouches down
Ready to attack
As the dot moves closer
Pouncing into action
She slides on the floor
But the dot eludes her again
Determination in her eyes
She attacks once more
With a fury of paw swipes
The dot disappears
She frantically glances around
But it is gone…
Defeated, she wanders to her food dish
If Cat Lovers Had Their Way
By Elton Camp
Some folks almost worship their cat
But I see nothing sensible about that
They’ll get their cat down out of a tree
It’d stay until it rots if it were up to me
Beg a foolish cat to eat--there’s no way
If it won’t feed, it can simply waste away
Why let a sorry cat stay inside the house
When it’s too lazy even to catch a mouse
If some cat any of my furniture claws,
It would soon be minus its front paws
If a cat dares even once to scratch or bite
It would then be knocked out like a light
But cat lovers are nuts as I have said before
And would sculpt their cat on Mt. Rushmore
Down by the river can you picture me here?
Fishing pole in hand, sipping on a beer.
Life is just sweeter than sweet.
Hopefully by night there’ll be a good mess of fish for me to eat.
Well my line just went slack,
Now something seems to be a bringing it back.
Hope it’s a big ole blue cat a taking a bite.
He’ll be frying in the frying pan come later tonight.
I got my camp all set and a fire a burning low,
Cast iron skillet goes with me wherever I go.
Got cornmeal and fixings to make it taste right, you know bamm, I call it poww.
That was an ole blue cat and I’ve got him cooking right now.
Got taters and onions stinking up that ole grease,
Sure is good catfish reckon I’d better get me another piece.
Sure do wish ya’ll were all here,
Got plenty of catfish but you’ll have to bring your own beer.
Bring along a fishing pole or two,
Bait it up and throw it out is all you need to do.
This ole water hole is just plumb full of fish,
And cooking over the grill makes it simply delish.
I spit on my bait, throw it out, and in a minute or two,
I’m reeling in a catfish and betcha you can too.
The Furless Cat
By Elton Camp
Sue’s house was filled with cat hair
To family it didn't seem fair
So she had to get to the source
Vacuumed the cat of course
But when done, the poor cat was bare
My cat and fish don’t get along
I think it is more my fish
For my cat will sit by the fish bowl
While holding out his dish
He puts his paw in the water
And tries to give them five
Though I don’t know why he spreads his claws
He must not realize
He watches them with interest
And crouches down quite low
He must like to watch them swim
And greet them from below
He balances on the tank top
Like he is putting on a show
The fish must really love it
As they all watch from below
But one day I came home
And my fish were all gone
I’m not sure if they took a trip
Or went away from home
And there sat in the corner
My cat looked quite sick
I thought I better take him to the vet
And better make it quick
And there they took an x-ray
And to my surprise
My fish were swimming in his belly
And they were still alive
My cat looked at me
How could I be mad?
He really looked quite in pain
And how so awfully sad
My cat and fish don’t get along
I don’t think it’s wrong
For one that eats another
Is not a friend for long
The poet sat deep in thought
The cat thought how it could eat
The duo were so busy
A mouse just went quite quick
The poet raised his finger
And the cat aimed its paws
It was going to get its supper
And the mouse would be in a plate
The mouse saw the cat there
Underneath the poet's feet
He didn't want to be dinner
Who would want to be
So he planned his little escapade
And the cat thought of his tummy
Been rumbling for 12 hours
Since the poet wrote his poem
So the cat jumped at the little mouse
And the mouse jumped at the poet
And a rumblin' and a tumblin'
All happened that day
The cat clawed the poet
The poetry was ruined
The poet was so angry
His head erupted too
All brains were in the living room
And the mouse ran for its life
While the ambulance made its way
And the paramedics were shocked
To see the brains in the floor
While the cat was still hungry
And nobody paid him heed
Poor little cat he is
Lost his master and his prey
The gardener put on his socks and boots, his spade he went to find.
He walked into the garden, when he heard something behind.
A flash of red and fast movement, then he saw a head a bobbing,
‘Hello’ he said, my red breasted friend, he was talking to the Robin.
The spade cut in the earth so deep, ‘Watch it mate,’ you just missed my feet.
‘Hello little worm,’ the gardener said, ‘At least I missed your little head.’
‘How are you this bright sunny day.
‘Well same as usual really, I have no time for play.
I have all these leaves to pull back under, and keep the soil conditioned.
My missus is always on at me to get on with my mission.’
Well I’ll leave you too it, the gardener said, and moved a pace away.
The Robin round his feet then began to play,
Watch out my friend, the gardener said as the Robin nearly tripped him over
Can’t you see I’m trying to dig up all that clover.
‘Sorry mate I did not see you there, even though you are so big.
I’m looking for some food you know, so I’m watching what you dig.’
‘Well be careful where you go, my friend the worm is about,
‘Oh gosh I’m sorry I just saw him and I pulled him out.’
‘Oh no you naughty bird you see, the Worm was a fine friend to me.
I wish you did not do that, Oh no look out friend here is the cat.’
The worm and Robin are now both gone
The gardener is now miserable and alone
He returns to the house and picks up the telephone.
Yellow pages are no good nor e bay facebook or twitter
No worms or Robins can they supply but plenty of cat litter
He decides to put the kettle on and sits down with a sigh.
The cat jumps up and scratches him, as he sits upon his thigh.
You naughty cat leave me now, and go and scratch the log
Oh no my friend look out now, for here comes next doors dog.
For the moment I merely watched him
Running back and forth in his home
I am patient you see
I am full of time plenty
I am the sly one in the darkness and I am hungry
So I waited, all day I waited,
All night I waited, I waited, waited, waited
And in the morning he came out of his house
I waited no more
I struck like a black bolt of lightning streaking down from the heavens
As if Death itself had ripped across space to sever everything with its scythe
I screamed down from heaven and struck
Only to find him leaping up and over me
To tumble in the air and land behind me
I landed in a crouch...
Peering around over my shoulder I gleamed at him
He for his sake I saw glaring back at me balefully with eyes and one hand beckoning me
Spun around and lashed out with my whip as I did
He ducked it,
With the speed of sound my fist struck him
He blocked it
Out came my foot, and then the other
He evaded the first, and caught the second
I rolled and struck him across his face with the first
Again I landed on my feet
He staggered back and with a back flip he was ready once more...
He wiped his nose with one hand
Bade me come at him again with the other
A sly half grin on his lips
I charged this impudent fool
Changed direction, spun around
Out came my whip
Out came my foot
And he leaped over my whip
Flipped between my foot
And struck me twice with his own
light kicks to the face meant to shock me more than hurt me
We parted and circled each other
Looking for openings in the other's defenses
And there because I am patient I found it
A chink in his armour of skill and technique
He was mine
Again I rushed him in one smooth fluid motion
Twin kicks, the whip, my fists, and head butt, knees and elbows
In blinding fury, speed and in the space between thought it was over...
He retreated blocking the kicks,
Ducking the whip,
Avoiding the fists left then right
Catching the head butt in his hands
Countering the knees with his knees
The elbows with his elbows
He did the impossible
Rolling backwards he slammed my head into the wall,
Sliding from beneath my crumpling body with his feet
To stand ready inches from my limping body
I remember thinking then as my eyes closed to the world
"That's one damn tough hamster," I get out of the Kitty Clinic in two days
I want a rematch
I do not know?
HOW MUCH FISH CAN SMOKEY EAT
All cats like fish as we all know,
But Smokey just loved it,
It made quite a show.
My dad went fishing most every week,
And Smokey would wait,
By the door for his treat.
Dad always saved Smokey a nice big fish,
But Smokey kept begging,
To refill his dish.
One day Dad asked him,"How much can you eat?"
And gave him another,
Just for a treat.
Soon it was gone and the cat was back,
Begging and pleading,
For the fish in Dad's sack.
Time and again Dad gave him another,
And finally asked Mom,
"Has he got a brother?"
"Am I feeding two cats? Where does he put it?
I can't give him more,
He'll make himself sick!"
So Daddy refused after five or six fish,
And Smokey decided,
To fill his own dish.
While Dad was busy, quick as a flash,
He snatched up a filet,
And made a mad dash;
But Daddy was quick as the cat it would seem,
And grabbed back the fish,
As the cat made a scream.
Round and around each tugged at his end,
Till at last that poor fish,
In the middle was rend.
The cat ran away with a piece in his mouth,
To hide with his fish,
Somewhere in the house.
Dad had great fun retelling this tale,
Of the great tug of war,
With the cat and fish tail.
Felix and Trix
There once was a cat named, Felix
With kindness, he covered his heart.
He had so much fun in the sun at day's start.
That he almost forgot about Trix.
Tuxedo sparkling, black trimmed in white
‘Twas the attire that he wore every day…
So handsome was he when he started to play.
That not one cat or kitten had fright.
His charisma and charm dealt them no harm.
Nor to the squirrel named, Trix, he loved her.
Mesmerized, was she by his gentle soft purr.
That she climbed down the tree on the farm.
In front of his face was her eating-place.
And he purred while she ate and he lay.
So thus it has been from then to this day.
Felix purrs, as he watches Trix's face.
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
January 11, 2010
This (true story) poem was written for the member contest: Cat Tails
Sponsored by: Constance La France
I do not know?
My bunny got stuck, he ran out of luck
When a pigeon swooped low on the roof
To make things worse, help was scarce
But my bunny remained aloof
He spent every day in a hutch full of hay
Above the trees and houses
He loved most of all to jump on the wall
And munch on my neighbors trousers
Now trapped in a pipe, he smelled a bit ripe
He had to get out of here soon
Then he had an idea and flipped up his ear
The cat would be over the moon
Before too long he felt a wet tongue
Licking the tip of his ear
The timing was right, it was just before night
He was going to escape from here
He persuaded the cat who was lazy and fat
To bring him a rope from the shed
He bit on the end and beckoned his friend
To tie it around her head
'Please' said my bunny, who was feeling all funny
'Help me, I'm in deep strife'
'What's it to me?' Said the cat full of glee
'You have to save my life'
The cat said 'Okay' and without delay
She pulled on the rope with her paws
My bunny flew out of the drainage spout
And landed safe on all fours
If my bunny was hurt while I was not alert
Myself I'd never have forgiven
So I moved his bed to the garden shed
Now the high life is truly forbidden!
Maud dreamed by the fire, her blue eyes half-closed,
While a grey cat on a grey mat beside her reposed.
Then she wakened and watched as the fast-falling snow
Was whipped into drifts when the sad wind would blow.
The moments that make up a life span are fleet,
Passing by with the stealth of a kitten's soft feet.
Since then, many winters this old earth has turned,
And I can't even guess when the last embers burned.
But where the hearth warmed, a computer now stands,
And someone's been typing with very cold hands
And piling spreadsheets on a table all day
On the very same spot where a grey cat once lay.
You're alone, so stop turning -- you won't find a trace
Of the blue eyes and smile of a little girl's face;
But when winds start moaning and driving the snow,
Maud may send you a ghost-mail from long, long ago.
Ginger cat decides to marry.
His *****cat lives in the yard.
Tri-color coat she wears wary,
On her lips – a beautiful pomade.
A manicure, eye-lashes, a hat …
Ginger loved all that in his *****cat.
It was her birthday when he
Made her ??an offer his wife to be.
*****cat loved ginger, it was not a spoof,
Wedding ceremony was made on the roof.
An old cat has come to the party,
He brought a large sweet patty.
There have come two little mice,
Little kittens were naughty but nice.
At the wedding was a puppy
Funny creature was so stumpy.
Cats have come from all the yards,
Flowers were from boulevards.
The marriage choir was like a beep,
Till morning no one could sleep.
A cat is a singer
Always on key.
A cat is a tourist,
With the world to see.
A cat is a guard;
A protector of the night.
Sometimes, a teddy bear,
To make the dark alright.
A cat is a sailor!
(Though her ship never nears the sea!)
A cat is a conversationalist
The ideal companion for tea.
A cat is a doctor,
For every sickness, an aid.
Often an illusionist
Into thin air she will fade.
A cat is royalty
Her every need must be met!
A cat is a protector
(Of her rules that must be kept!)
A cat is a critic.
The food is never right!
A cat is a boxer;
She can put up a fight!
A cat is a lover, a tyrant, a clown.
You don’t need to vote her president,
She’s always leader of her town!
A cat is a pain.
A pain in the you-know-where!
“After all I’ve done for her!” You think.
“After all that love and care?”
But a cat is also God’s gift:
A miracle from above!
So when the sky falls on you
She will be there to share her love!
A cat is an actress;
She always steals the show!
A cat is a know-it-all,
She’s learnt everything there is to know!
A cat is a dramatist.
The star of every act.
But a cat is,
Of all things,
Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama)
Since she was three months old,
Samii just loves to be with her toy mouse.
The thick black fabric that was once a shoulder pad of a jacket
Was stitched and embroidered by me with tender-loving care,
And transformed into a toy mouse that has become her special friend.
She drags her toy everywhere, from the kitchen to the family room,
To the bedroom, and even, to the bathroom.
As Samii lays on the sofa, she savors those caressing licks
Against the fabric filled with catnip.
She just adores that toy mouse!
Sometimes she plays so rough with her claws extended,
And nuzzles with such vigor.
But when she lays on the kitchen floor,
Absolutely no one can touch her toy mouse at all.
Since she's so intoxicated by that aroma of catnip d'or.
For the past ten years, I've watched Samii sleep with her toy mouse
Between her paws, or otherwise, right along side her.
I can tell that she just adores that toy mouse!
And even if she has a morsel to eat,
Samii always returns to her toy mouse wherever it may be.
future world full of
improbabilities that meant
the cat she brought to us and we gave her milk and soup
must be a fizzy ,fuzzy, improbable creature back to past to lap up our milk.
I do not know?
All through the night,
I hear bumps and creaks,
They give me a fright,
The nights full of freaks!
There's moaning and groaning
Scratching and sniffing,
Growling and hissing,
The heck am I missing!?
I look all around,
Trying to here,
I listen for the sound,
It seems to be near!
All of a sudden,
I'm filled with dread,
Turns out the sound,
Is under my bed!
With the greatest of bounds,
I turn down my head,
To look for the sounds,
Under my bed.
When I find the culprit,
My face starts to sag,
It was simply my cat,
Playing with a bag...
Surviving in the city
The dog stood on the corner, looking for the cat.
The cat was at the Warf side, behind a fishing vat.
The dog was known as Rusty, an Irish setter bread.
The cat was known as Sylvester, he finds what people need.
The dog needed him a playmate, so he could plant some seeds.
For that the cat demanded meat so fresh, that it simply bleeds.
The dog had marked a hydrant, because the dog was late.
He also do-doed on a lawn that led to someone’s gate.
The cat found that disgusting but Rusty paid his price
So he watched for lady midnight, for she was built real nice.
Lady midnight came up prancing, her tail all in a swish.
He took her for some meatballs, Midnights favorite dish.
Sylvester ran it down, what Rusty had paid for
Her cut would come right off the top, and there was nothing more.
Lady M agreed that she was in that day.
She took a bite then licked her lips and they were on there way.
When Rusty meet with Midnight, she wouldn’t take no sass
If he would get to close, she swished her hips and knocked him on hiss ass.
When Rusty got his chance, he was off before he’s in.
She winked at sly and said to rusty, I hope we meet again.
Everyone was happy, even Rusty wasn’t sad.
The edge he had was ended and he didn’t feel so bad.
Now ain’t that oh so pretty, their life there in the city.
Where Sly and Lady Midnight, finger popped to do-wah-ditty.
(This is a fictional poem)
I lost a lot of hair and I wore a toupee.
But a freak gust of wind blew it off my head yesterday.
I couldn't afford a new toupee so I wore my cat on my head.
I thought it would fool people but it made them laugh instead.
When I saw that people knew that my cat wasn't a toupee, my face turned red.
That darn cat scratched, bit and even ____ on my head.
I do not know?
(This fictional poem is based on the cartoon character.)
I called the police and reported a rape and they rushed to where I live at.
But they beat me with their sticks when I told them that the victim was a cat.
Somehow my cat got a long streak of paint on her fur.
When Pepe Le Pew finished, she sure as hell didn't pur.
I gave him a good kick and I got sprayed.
I cut off his balls, he has seen better days.
He treated my cat like a whore.
He won't rape cats anymore