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Funny Business Poems | Funny Poems About Business

These Funny Business poems are examples of Funny poems about Business. These are the best examples of Funny Business poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

MADE IN CHINA

"Made In China"

They can have my money
If it saves me money

The toys I played with when I was young,
Says I enjoyed their hands
The Labels read 
"MADE IN CHINA"

The cheap material on my back, the shoes I wore. 
How easily they faded and tore
However, I enjoyed their hands
The Tags on my rags;
"MADE IN CHINA"

The car I own saves money on gas
A tiny Honda Civic, takes me everywhere
I love my sweet silver car
"Manufactured in China"

The never been used--Made in the USA--cookware I own,
Says, I don't work hard at all:)
Yummy to Chinese all you can eat take Outs  
Thank you China for being part of this world
Better Yet!
Thank you China, for making this world a part of yours.

MADE IN CHINA 
Shipped easily in a box

~SKAT~


Details | Free verse | |

Interview

Sitting in a cloak of black conservatism:

I feel my hands,
oily on the desk like shortening in
slate gray cookie pans,
the speedway inside forcing the absence of 
reabsorption,

And my thoughts,
so flippant to implore
if a man with a chartreuse neck tie
can see the long wet streaks
across the cherry plane.

He speaks,
a sequence of interrogatives
common to the bored walls
of serious conference,
evoking tone inflection
in the pattern of polite.

Darest I mention truth?

I am your whore;
infect me with smug integrity,
smack me with false prophet leadership,
just leave some crisp bills
on the nightstand, sugar.

Yet my voice models his wavelength,
relaying back the catchy tired language
of one hit wonders;
eyes brighten,
hands extend
from the man who owns a chartreuse tie.

Sigh.

Still,
complacency
awards a loaf of Wonder bread,
and a two bedroom lower.


Details | Limerick | |

December 21, 2012

The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend


Details | Rhyme | |

Oggwool Fleece

In England’s pleasant pastures amid the free wild flowers
Lie pagan ways the wise ones do not mock
And one adept at harnessing these ancient rural powers
Was Oggwool Fleece, the black sheep of the flock

Oggwool was old, much older than the old oak it was said
Beneath whose boughs the dark sheep’s plans are sealed
‘Twas said the sheep had come back from the other side of dead
With the darkness in that corner of the field.

The farm hands better knew to venture in the oak’s strange shade
Or to the long grass that the darkness gripped
Where Oggwool lurked amid the spells and potions he had made
A sheep unshorn and magically undipped.

Not limited by four hooves in working his deft skill
Unhindered in ambitious sheepish plans
Harnessing the dark elves to do his dark sheep will 
Dexterously with little dark elf hands.

From that darkened corner of that English country field
His influence extends itself outside
His arcane woolly web through which his mystic powers wield
Reaching parts and persons spread worldwide

He has extensive vineyards in Italy and Spain,
He has mining operations in Peru
He owns a flock of ostriches down in the Ukraine
(Although he never quite intended to)

He’s engineering world events on scales beyond the ken
He has his hooves in business of all kinds
He interferes remorselessly in world affairs of men
With night-time thoughts drip-fed to human minds

Little green men fly through space in saucers flat and round
On interstellar missions without cease
But on their furthest journey yet, their enterprise is bound
To the ever growing plans of Oggwool Fleece

The politicians spin their words and armies shoulder arms
And yet do not beyond their small acts see
But Oggwool Fleece with thistle skills and other sheepwise charms
Is planning how to rule a galaxy!


Details | Light Poetry | |

' He's Company ... '

‘ He’s Company ! … ’


He’s Not Down With Misery
 and Not Out with The In(flated)-Crowds
But He’s Up On Lady Liberty …
Laughing, New York-Minute, Out Loud !

‘Cause … if  Misery, Loves Company …
Company, Sure Don’t Love Misery !
Company … is Taking Care of Business
Strictly, Take into Account, Swiftness

… and Staying Out The Red
Things, Misery Cut and Bled
All Over His Spread-Sheets
Which, He Washed and Hung On Wall Street

Now… Here’s Her Penny for Your Thoughts Again …
Saying, ‘Get Me Out of This Rain-Check, Claim !
Man … She’s A Bottom-Line – Pain !
Boy, Throw Her Some Chunk-Change …

His Blank Check, is What Misery’s After
But, Company is The Man, and ‘ The Manager ‘
He’s Telling Misery, with Interest …
‘ … Girl, Stay Outta’ My Business !

… and I May Pay Misery A Visit …
‘Cause I’m Lady Liberty … Unlimited !
I’m Platinum, and I Got My Hand Up …
‘ Don’t Make Me Put It Down and Whip Your, You Know What !

‘Cause Company … Gets The Job Done !
Show Them How It’s Done … Hon !
Look … You Know You Got Lady Liberty 
 ( and, I’m gonna Keep This Fortune 500 Company )             

For: Jimbo  (James Marshall Goff) 
Business, Strictly Business (smile)
Because You Seem to Get 
and Like, my Kooky, Double-Talking
Witticisms  (Enjoy Between Your Classes)
and Keep That Education Coming

                MoonBee


Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.


Details | Rhyme | |

im just gonna snap okay get over it

i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee

i hate you 
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate

you were so nice in the beginning 
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow

i am still the nice guy 
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.

i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant


Details | Light Poetry | |

Song of the Used Car Salesman

“Hello, hello Good Morning!” The salesman says, (though it’s actually late 
afternoon.)

(We can’t have them rushing off,) he thinks, (when I have cars to move!)

“See this little beauty…” (The side I’m leaning on anyway!)

“I’ve so many interested buyers, I’m sure, this car will sell today!”

The salesman sizes up the couple who clearly like the car.

“Zero to sixty in nothing flat!” (Though you may not get that far!)

“Previous owner? Took fine care.” (To wreck the interior in the rear!)

“Runs so smooth, purrs like a cat.” (But sticks when changing gears.)

The well learned smile, the soothing voice, the salesman sees his chance.

“Let’s step inside, we’ll work it out, my dears you can always finance!”

(The hidden costs, no don’t mind those, just the way it’s done.)

“Sure come on in, have a seat, this is when it becomes fun!”

As usual the costs are more than they think they can afford.

(Of course if we didn’t start out doubled, we salesmen would get bored!)

“Now look here it’s just a bit more, I know just how you feel.

With a car like this, I’m the one who loses. Believe me this is a great deal!”

(Yes indeed I lose this bucket of bolts I’ve had to push.

Never mind the oil leak, or the tires have turned to moosh.)

 “Well… because you seem so nice I’ll take this much off too.”

(There they are the happy smiles, too bad the jokes on you!)

The salesman he waves goodbye as the car drives off the lot.

Another couple, a little wide eyed, sees the new car in its spot.

“Hello, hello! Good afternoon!”(Sunset reflecting off of the wheel.)

“I’ve another buyer for this one but… you look nice, let’s make a deal!”


Details | Haiku | |

Haiku Shoppe

Great idea here Let’s open a Haiku Shoppe They go great with beer Easy to find I’m told They hide under nibs of pens Don’t let them get old To make a great stew Take a limerick or two Mix well with Haiku If all has gone well And your mix has turned out right You’re ready to sell One more thing to do We must put them on a bun - Sit and have a few Written by John Posey 12/22/12


Details | Free verse | |

Vagenius

(Show me the funny, part two)
------------------------------------------

Are you a Lesbian?
 Gynecologist?
 Did you major in the art of female anatomy and minor in multiple orgasms?
 Do you know all seven erogenous zones like the back of your hand?
 Then you may qualify as a Vagenius!
 But don't get too cocky now
 Just because you studied doesn't mean you'll do well on the test. 
 I've met so many people who can talk game but can't deliver. 
 I can't tell you how many times I've had to fake it just so I could finish the dishes instead. 
 Throw some moves at me! 
 Take my clothes off with your teeth.
 Turn me the **** on!
 Now you may be thinking that you can pass the test but please hold your horses because I've only met one Vagenius in my life. (Point to yourself)
 I'm not going to go to the Adam and Eve store just so you can grunt loud and thrust hard while I don't feel a thing, I'll save the crotchless panties and lingerie for my vibrator. 
 And no you can't use a cock ring so that you'll have more time to try to make me cum. 
 And please don't get all sentimental and touchy feely about it. This is a test, you’re not trying to convince me to be your girlfriend. Save the kisses for the wife. 
 So come into my bed and I'll tell you if you’re a true Vagenius.



Details | Limerick | |

Voldemort, by contrast, was vanquished easily

Changed climate is not a surprise
With drilling for gas on the rise
Where can life forms hide
From carbon dioxide
And methane let loose in the skies?

Neo-druids auger gas wells
And add fluids with sulfurous smells! 
Are poisons they've tapped
With their magic wands trapped
Evermore by sorcerous spells? 

Votes and news seem not relevant
The unrelenting elephant
In all our best rooms
Is fossil fuel's fumes
And toxins we can't circumvent 




Details | Light Poetry | |

Clueless Job Applicant

You’ll never guess whom the cat drug in; have a day where you just couldn’t win?
He came strutting in, smacking his gum loud, dressed to the nines Goth Punk style.
Tats trailed down his left arm, with my notice, he said, saving up for the other arm.
When ask about drugs, his answer to me was: “Yes, I’ll share” most invitingly…

Metal adornments on ears, nose, and lips, didn’t want to know, the all of it, at this.
As I noticed, he smiled most cattily, asking: ‘Want to see where else they might be?’ 
Hair a Mohawk with a trail down his back, colors of the rainbow, left nothing to lack.
Steel studs on a black leather butt, said, ‘Bite Me!’ with each and every staged strut.

What are you kidding?… Do my eyes me deceive, or did he just make a pass, at ME?
No Way! I’d rather drop kick him from my office fast, didn't he have any real class?
The application, a Sales Manager Job. Who would try to send me over the deep end?
Bet it had been a practical joke, beginning to end, so I simply held on, my friend.

He must've read my face, forhe smirked, I continued to ask for his list of experience.
His experience was none, but he said he managed his I-tune collection, very well.
Of course, he was the Leader of his ‘Chat Room’. I wondered, ‘Who could tell?’ GEE!
Also an impressive set up on his Facebook page, for his innumerable video games.

I ask how he was qualified for ANY job? Said, Dad ‘THE CEO’ wanted him employed.
I verified this with a call, was told not to be too Harsh, he had Potential, after all...
Ask what job he wanted to give his son? ‘Let him chose himself’, came the real clue!
Ask him, what job he really wanted to do, ‘VP in charge of Recreation’ was imbued.

Said he'd check out all the great places, in his Dad’s fancy Porche. Honestly True!
I kid you not! And he wanted his girlfriend, made into his secretary, Yah! No Doubt!
Believe it or not, he got all he thought he was due. All approved by the CEO’s! True!
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better… I began to really reconsider…

Really, who had been clueless… It hadn’t been him!… Which left me in a dither…
Knowing I just couldn’t win!  I’d be glad when this day was finally, truly, done… 
The kid had probably thought this a great joke on me from beginning to the end!
My perfect job, had just come undone! Apparently, being in HR isn’t always fun! 

My college degree, that took so much sacrifice, no longer sparkled, so much to me.
Boy did I now WISH, I was a CEO’s SON! As I simply got all the paper work done. 
Later, I saw the family portrait on the CEO’s desk. Lucky me! One down!… 
Only eight more to go!

Carol Eastman and Hubby


Details | Rhyme | |

The Doctor Is A Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent
That only worked in his men’s store.
He had ‘clothing ESP’.
He knew what his customers wanted…and more.

When customer would come into his store
Bob would invariably say, 
“Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

And he was always right,
Never missed a color, fabric, style or size.
He even knew the necessary alterations.
Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes.

Meanwhile, in another part of town,
Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine
For every minute for more than five years,
It had driven him near insane.

He’d lost his job to the pain.
Then, he lost his wife.
He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept.
Yes, his was a miserable life.

And, of course,  sex was out of the question…
Even a little self-abuse.
There was nothing left for Joe but pain.
He felt his life was of no use.

So, Joe went to his doctor.
“Doc, please help me end this pain.
Give me something to make me sleep
And never wake up again.”

“You know I can’t assist your suicide.”,
Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed.
“I never dreamed it would last five years,
But I know how to end the pain.”

“You can make it go away?!
Tell me, Doc!  What’s the word?”
“I’ll have to remove your testicles.”
Was the last thing that Joe heard.

But…when he came to, it struck him.
Sex was out of the question anyway;
But he might enjoy his meals again,
And he could sleep for days.

“Please check me in, Doc.
This opportunity I cannot shirk.”
So, the doctor removed his testicles.
He did his very best work.

A few days later, Joe waddled along,
Headache free and feeling pretty nice;
But every attractive woman he saw 
Reminded him of his sacrifice.

He decided it was appropriate
To do something nice for himself for a change.
So, he went into a travel agency;
And a six month cruise he arranged.

As he left the travel agency,
He was excited, feeling ready to go;
But for such a glorious adventure,
He would need new clothes.

As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store.
He walked in, only to hear Bob say,
“Hello.  I’m Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

“How could you know?” asked Joe.
“It’s a gift.  I don’t know how, but I do.
You’ve suffered five years with an ailment,
Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” 

Joe could not believe his ears.
How could this stranger possibly know?
"You're right! That's amazing!
And I'm going to need new clothes." 

Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe
All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size.
Joe was incredibly impressed.
He could hardly believe his ears and eyes.

“How do you like the wardrobe?”
“It’s wonderful!”  Bob could see that Joe was pleased.
“Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments;
You know…shorts and tees?

Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton.
I believe that you prefer white….
And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s.
Yes, I'm sure that’s right.”

Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent
And I just this second realized,
You've laid out this entire wardrobe
And only missed one size.”

Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really?
What did I miss?  I did my best for you.”
“Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys,
But…well…I wear 32s.

“Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace.
“That would be a serious mistake.
Thirty-twos would be too small, 
They would cramp your balls.
You’ll get migraine headaches.”


Details | Lyric | |

Logistics - A parody of a certain delivery company's television advert, to the tune That's Amore

Yes we don’t give a toss,
If your package is lost,
That’s logistics,
If it’s broken or bent,
Or has multiple dents,
That’s logistics,
If it’s fragile and breaks,
It was not our mistake,
That’s logistics,
Well you were not at home,
So we sent it to Rome,
That’s logistics!

So incredibly late,
That it’s gone out of date,
That’s logistics,
We don’t know where it went,
Are you sure it was sent?
That’s logistics,
Your parcels we’ll stash,
But we’ll still take your cash,
That’s logistics,
What an item on time?!
Oh no wait, it’s not mine,
That’s logistics!



Details | Couplet | |

The best job

Your own successful biz,
that's what your best job is!

Volodymyr Knyr
2014


Details | Couplet | |

Garage sale special

For sale a bunch of fine unused words, many misspelled
Poet can’t uses them; mind is on strike, the pen has been stilled

These words never used for they never quite seemed to fit
Got them online; advertisement said they were a complete poetry kit

Can’t send them back because I did use a few; the remainder unused
Selling at half price; many are funny words which will leave you amused


Details | Alliteration | |

Banana Boat Bob

<                        Banana ~ boat ~ Bob ~ is ~ a ~ slippery..... Boob
                          Thought ~ that ~  this ~ town ~ lost ~ it's .... groove
                          No ~ spice  ~  no ~  life ~ no  .... nothing
                          Little ~ lost ~ boy ~ now ~ looks ~ for ~ his ~ Lucy's ....  ring


                          When ~ where ~ what ~ or ~ even ......  why
                          I'll ~ inquire ~ insist ~ innovate ~ or ~ even  ..... lie
                          His ~ history ~ of ~ having ~ such ~ big ....... hamstrings
                          Maybe ~ even ~ mighty ~ magical ~ musical ~ fruits ~ and .... greens



                         Or ~ having ~ big ~ over-sized ~ onions ~ olives  ~ and ..... Kiwi
                         screw ~ this ~ he's ~ scum  ~ skewered ~ tossed ~ back ~ to ... sea
                         Poor ~ precious ~ pretty ~  Lucy ~  got .......    pranked
                         Cause ~ curious ~ Bob ~ couldn't ~ control ~ love ~ so ~ he ....  sank

              

                        All ~ alone ~ and ~ now ~ very .... angry
                        Drowing ~ deep ~ in ~ own ~ do-do  ~ droppings .... whopie 
                        Luscious ~ Lucy ~ now ~ can ~ look ~ long ~ and ...... hard
                        For ~ another ~ fast ~ floating ~ free ~ salemens ~ not ~ selling.... lard



Entry For
Linda Marie's
Luscious Love Lingers Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Lemmings never pay the phone company

"Tree huggers” use AT&T
The human cost catastrophe
On the horizon
Like text from Verizon
Is sent with the speed of 4G
 
Pollution's still booked at no 
cost
And Earth’s expenses neatly tossed
Off the balance sheet
With a "Sprint" so complete
The effects on nature seem lost 

Yes EPA rules do offend
Those who crave Earth’s wealth without end
They claim to hate debt
But have seen nothing yet
Like phone bills "T-Mobile" might send! 


Author's note:  It seems ironic and strange that debt haters (like tea party supporters, for 
example) and those who are pushing more reliance on fossil fuel and less "subsidy" for 
renewables (Romney/Ryan for example) support the continuation of policies and 
practices that will damage the environment and that will hurt future generations.  They are 
pushing growth and not pushing conservation.  I would have more respect for them if 
they talked about the costs as well as the benefits of their plans.  I wonder if it might just 
be a scam to reward large corporations for the short term and stick it to the rest of us for 
generations.  That would be nothing new.


Details | Limerick | |

Miss Priss

<                           once there was a boss we called miss priss
                             like to give orders with snap of wrist
                             file fax make coffee
                             phones radio golly
                             when not looking I blow her big hiss


Details | Quatrain | |

Toaster Strudel Trochee

<                                       Toaster Strudel - Trochee

                                         
                                        I just crave toaster strudel
                                        Piping hot pastry
                                        Cool icing so can doodle
                                        Kellogg's bakery

                                 
                                        So get to popping me one 
                                        Time to used noodle
                                        Pop tarts boring just no fun
                                        Choose toaster strudel




Meter: 7/5/7/5 
Rhyme Scheme: a/b/c/b or a/b/a/b

The meter is trochee, which means alternating stressed and unstressed beats in each line, with each line beginning and ending in a stressed syllable. This is a simple lyrical type little poem, so rhymes will be basic, nothing fancy. The poem itself should give a description of something of interest to the poet and often the meter lends itself to humor, much as a limerick does. There is not a set number of these quatrain type stanzas, but a typical 7/5 Trochee would consist of two quatrains, with the second stanza serving to tie up the idea presented in the first stanza.


Details | Limerick | |

October, 1582

The Julian calendar threw
Spring’s equinox path far askew 
But Gregory’s shift
Of ten days closed the rift
So Easter eggs roll now on cue


Details | Rhyme | |

The Man In Black

The man in black alit from the stagecoach that hot and sultry day.
With his hat he brushed dust from his suit as he surveyed old Santa Fe.
He pulled his hat down over his eyes as he strode to the nearby saloon.
Who was this mysterious stranger?  A gambler or a business tycoon?

There was a prominent bulge under his coat where a pistol might be.
He carried a fine leather valise, its contents provoking curiosity!
He was clad in the finest cloth and was built like an old rugged oak,
Wore white linen, fine leather boots, topped off with a stylish cloak!

He sat down with a sigh, took off his hat and ordered a bottle of rye.
He took not a nip but said, "Fellows, step up!  A drink for you I'll buy!"
That was unusual - free booze - they scarcely knew what to think!
But the town rabble and ne'er-do-wells flew to his table for a drink!

In the meantime, the sheriff received word about this new man in town.
He rushed to the saloon with hands on his rods to calm things down!
"What's yer business here, pilgrim?  I don't want any trouble!
If you're here to gamble or pimp, you kin leave town on the double!"

"Calm down, mister sheriff!  I aim to help you in maintaining the peace!
To deal with those who flaunt the law and help crime to decrease!
May I introduce myself, sir.  I'm the Reverend Mister Percival Brown,
And I aim to settle here and build a Presbyterian church in your town!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Limerick | |

Let's Get Ready For Some Football

<                                   let's get ready for some football .....    Ya !
                                     Eagles   verses    da   .....   Bears   Well ... then  Hey !       
                                     Here's kickoff ~ by     da .......    Bears
                                     Ohhhhhhhh !  fell  off ....  T  .....    Unfair
                                     Second  ..... blocked  .....  Eagles    7 - Nay !


                                                                      
                                     
                                     
                                    

                                    
Entry For 
Linda Marie's 
Let's Limerick Contest
G.L. All    



Tribute To Football


Details | Carpe Diem | |

I

If its money I got its money ill keep. If its money I have its money ill weep. If its love that I give its love ill receive. For I am but no one who just see's beneath. Some say your only as strong as you feel, but how could we change..in a place that's so unreal. People are hearing but..not really hearing. Why is the world so blind. I keep on screaming and screaming and screaming for things to be revolutionized. I am just a small song in a world full of cries, laughter, tears and french-fries.


Details | Limerick | |

Tone it down to ''at least for the duration''

Time does our earth presence sever
But the post office is clever  
And offers for sale
For its eternal mail  
A stamp that is good forever


Author's note: The idea that anything associated with this planet will be consumed "forever" is peculiar and laughable.  It is also destructive in that business holds the truth in shadows.


Details | Monorhyme | |

Business Meeting Blues

As I sit at a table surrounded by reds, I feel so inferior, blue fills my head. They spill out black and blue to all I’ve said, The air is a blend of purple-grey lead. Pink and peach flow from what I’ve read, To think I awoke from whiteness of my bed, Didn’t know egos so green would need to be fed, Frankly this meeting- well I’d rather be dead.
Written September 18, 2012 For Lisa Cooper’s contest “Tickle Me Pink”


Details | Rhyme | |

Boring Class but Saved by the Bell!

Clock ticking like crazy while my teacher is explaining
Scribbling on my paper during the time that is remaining.
Watching the clock religiously as if time would speed up
the teacher takes a sip from his big blue coffee cup.

Due to his monotony I have no idea what hes speaking about.
as he writes on the white board I try to tune him out.
Interrupted while thinking about what lunch is today
my teacher asks about the topic and if I have anything to say.
He stares at me rudely as a smirk spreads on his face
I know hes secretly excited that he gets to put me in my place.

I stutter as I try to remember what exactly he was asking
I wouldn't be in this dilemma if I was good at multitasking.
Press my lips together and hope the bell will ring
but I feel as helpless as a baby bird with a broken wing.
Maybe my facial expression will make the teacher think I'm pondering
even though he knows this whole time my mind has been wandering.

Teacher bows his head in complete and utter frustration
I knot my eyebrows together in false concentration.
The teacher clears his throat but its not heard very well
because at this moment I have been saved by the bell!


Details | I do not know? | |

Pain as a Hobby VI

You’re too selfish you think I’m talking about you!
Hoping the next girl I meet is much richer
So she don’t have the mentality her p**** is as good as cash
Call me genuine 
It has to be more than that that you’re offering me
But definitely it is a weakness and you use it to exploit me
Make it drip and here comes the money tree
But only if it includes all of the Victoria Secret models in my bedroom
Yes, every single one if not - Hasta La Vista!
I’m stingy
But I can take care of me
I don’t believe in dipping in my federal reserve
And blowing it at a strip club and for what
Just to leave and go back into reality
Pain as a hobby
I’m outside in the big van asking for blood
But I will reserve you a plane ticket to get the f*** outta here
An artist unsigned and unheard of 
But all of that has changed now
I started my own companies
Named it after my daughter and my future son King so
The whole family is making a killing
I can’t wait to see her pick up the mic
And pick up the pad and write
Hell, she can be an astronaut if she likes because her
Dad is in her life
I am robbing Peter and Paul
To make sure she has everything she needs
To be successful
If you get too close to the words I speak
You may see the yellow caution tape
I have you figured out outlined in chalk
Beware, I don’t offer hazard pay.
Kind of the way Yulli and I collaborate 
It’s an incinerator 
Your eyes ripping through the words
And causing a fire storm
Now you’re like superman can’t control 
The heat rays
Don’t burn up yet
That’s the same thing that happened to Freddie Krueger
Once the flames engulf you
We coming for you in your dreams
Don’t go to sleep 
Pain as a hobby
I mean what I say


Details | Limerick | |

Hark--an Angel--The harbinger of all things good

What flies though the air up above
Disguised as a peace seeking dove
For those who've not heard
Drones can send you the bird
From the land of brotherly love

Author's note: Is this really how to win friends and influence people (for the long term)?


Details | Limerick | |

Twelve Seconds

<                    Once was a bartender named Louie
                      Thought my tales story was quite screwy                                     
                      Asked how many seconds
                      Was in year he reckons
                      Twelve shouted out by cousin dewey







Entry For
Confession To A Bartender