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Funny Business Poems | Funny Poems About Business

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Details | Free verse | |

MADE IN CHINA

"Made In China"

They can have my money
If it saves me money

The toys I played with when I was young,
Says I enjoyed their hands
The Labels read 
"MADE IN CHINA"

The cheap material on my back, the shoes I wore. 
How easily they faded and tore
However, I enjoyed their hands
The Tags on my rags;
"MADE IN CHINA"

The car I own saves money on gas
A tiny Honda Civic, takes me everywhere
I love my sweet silver car
"Manufactured in China"

The never been used--Made in the USA--cookware I own,
Says, I don't work hard at all:)
Yummy to Chinese all you can eat take Outs  
Thank you China for being part of this world
Better Yet!
Thank you China, for making this world a part of yours.

MADE IN CHINA 
Shipped easily in a box

~SKAT~


Details | Free verse | |

Interview

Sitting in a cloak of black conservatism:

I feel my hands,
oily on the desk like shortening in
slate gray cookie pans,
the speedway inside forcing the absence of 
reabsorption,

And my thoughts,
so flippant to implore
if a man with a chartreuse neck tie
can see the long wet streaks
across the cherry plane.

He speaks,
a sequence of interrogatives
common to the bored walls
of serious conference,
evoking tone inflection
in the pattern of polite.

Darest I mention truth?

I am your whore;
infect me with smug integrity,
smack me with false prophet leadership,
just leave some crisp bills
on the nightstand, sugar.

Yet my voice models his wavelength,
relaying back the catchy tired language
of one hit wonders;
eyes brighten,
hands extend
from the man who owns a chartreuse tie.

Sigh.

Still,
complacency
awards a loaf of Wonder bread,
and a two bedroom lower.


Details | Limerick | |

December 21, 2012

The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend


Details | Rhyme | |

Oggwool Fleece

In England’s pleasant pastures amid the free wild flowers
Lie pagan ways the wise ones do not mock
And one adept at harnessing these ancient rural powers
Was Oggwool Fleece, the black sheep of the flock

Oggwool was old, much older than the old oak it was said
Beneath whose boughs the dark sheep’s plans are sealed
‘Twas said the sheep had come back from the other side of dead
With the darkness in that corner of the field.

The farm hands better knew to venture in the oak’s strange shade
Or to the long grass that the darkness gripped
Where Oggwool lurked amid the spells and potions he had made
A sheep unshorn and magically undipped.

Not limited by four hooves in working his deft skill
Unhindered in ambitious sheepish plans
Harnessing the dark elves to do his dark sheep will 
Dexterously with little dark elf hands.

From that darkened corner of that English country field
His influence extends itself outside
His arcane woolly web through which his mystic powers wield
Reaching parts and persons spread worldwide

He has extensive vineyards in Italy and Spain,
He has mining operations in Peru
He owns a flock of ostriches down in the Ukraine
(Although he never quite intended to)

He’s engineering world events on scales beyond the ken
He has his hooves in business of all kinds
He interferes remorselessly in world affairs of men
With night-time thoughts drip-fed to human minds

Little green men fly through space in saucers flat and round
On interstellar missions without cease
But on their furthest journey yet, their enterprise is bound
To the ever growing plans of Oggwool Fleece

The politicians spin their words and armies shoulder arms
And yet do not beyond their small acts see
But Oggwool Fleece with thistle skills and other sheepwise charms
Is planning how to rule a galaxy!


Details | Light Poetry | |

' He's Company ... '

‘ He’s Company ! … ’


He’s Not Down With Misery
 and Not Out with The In(flated)-Crowds
But He’s Up On Lady Liberty …
Laughing, New York-Minute, Out Loud !

‘Cause … if  Misery, Loves Company …
Company, Sure Don’t Love Misery !
Company … is Taking Care of Business
Strictly, Take into Account, Swiftness

… and Staying Out The Red
Things, Misery Cut and Bled
All Over His Spread-Sheets
Which, He Washed and Hung On Wall Street

Now… Here’s Her Penny for Your Thoughts Again …
Saying, ‘Get Me Out of This Rain-Check, Claim !
Man … She’s A Bottom-Line – Pain !
Boy, Throw Her Some Chunk-Change …

His Blank Check, is What Misery’s After
But, Company is The Man, and ‘ The Manager ‘
He’s Telling Misery, with Interest …
‘ … Girl, Stay Outta’ My Business !

… and I May Pay Misery A Visit …
‘Cause I’m Lady Liberty … Unlimited !
I’m Platinum, and I Got My Hand Up …
‘ Don’t Make Me Put It Down and Whip Your, You Know What !

‘Cause Company … Gets The Job Done !
Show Them How It’s Done … Hon !
Look … You Know You Got Lady Liberty 
 ( and, I’m gonna Keep This Fortune 500 Company )             

For: Jimbo  (James Marshall Goff) 
Business, Strictly Business (smile)
Because You Seem to Get 
and Like, my Kooky, Double-Talking
Witticisms  (Enjoy Between Your Classes)
and Keep That Education Coming

                MoonBee


Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.


Details | Rhyme | |

im just gonna snap okay get over it

i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee

i hate you 
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate

you were so nice in the beginning 
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow

i am still the nice guy 
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.

i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant


Details | Light Poetry | |

Song of the Used Car Salesman

“Hello, hello Good Morning!” The salesman says, (though it’s actually late 
afternoon.)

(We can’t have them rushing off,) he thinks, (when I have cars to move!)

“See this little beauty…” (The side I’m leaning on anyway!)

“I’ve so many interested buyers, I’m sure, this car will sell today!”

The salesman sizes up the couple who clearly like the car.

“Zero to sixty in nothing flat!” (Though you may not get that far!)

“Previous owner? Took fine care.” (To wreck the interior in the rear!)

“Runs so smooth, purrs like a cat.” (But sticks when changing gears.)

The well learned smile, the soothing voice, the salesman sees his chance.

“Let’s step inside, we’ll work it out, my dears you can always finance!”

(The hidden costs, no don’t mind those, just the way it’s done.)

“Sure come on in, have a seat, this is when it becomes fun!”

As usual the costs are more than they think they can afford.

(Of course if we didn’t start out doubled, we salesmen would get bored!)

“Now look here it’s just a bit more, I know just how you feel.

With a car like this, I’m the one who loses. Believe me this is a great deal!”

(Yes indeed I lose this bucket of bolts I’ve had to push.

Never mind the oil leak, or the tires have turned to moosh.)

 “Well… because you seem so nice I’ll take this much off too.”

(There they are the happy smiles, too bad the jokes on you!)

The salesman he waves goodbye as the car drives off the lot.

Another couple, a little wide eyed, sees the new car in its spot.

“Hello, hello! Good afternoon!”(Sunset reflecting off of the wheel.)

“I’ve another buyer for this one but… you look nice, let’s make a deal!”


Details | Free verse | |

Vagenius

(Show me the funny, part two)
------------------------------------------

Are you a Lesbian?
 Gynecologist?
 Did you major in the art of female anatomy and minor in multiple orgasms?
 Do you know all seven erogenous zones like the back of your hand?
 Then you may qualify as a Vagenius!
 But don't get too cocky now
 Just because you studied doesn't mean you'll do well on the test. 
 I've met so many people who can talk game but can't deliver. 
 I can't tell you how many times I've had to fake it just so I could finish the dishes instead. 
 Throw some moves at me! 
 Take my clothes off with your teeth.
 Turn me the **** on!
 Now you may be thinking that you can pass the test but please hold your horses because I've only met one Vagenius in my life. (Point to yourself)
 I'm not going to go to the Adam and Eve store just so you can grunt loud and thrust hard while I don't feel a thing, I'll save the crotchless panties and lingerie for my vibrator. 
 And no you can't use a cock ring so that you'll have more time to try to make me cum. 
 And please don't get all sentimental and touchy feely about it. This is a test, you’re not trying to convince me to be your girlfriend. Save the kisses for the wife. 
 So come into my bed and I'll tell you if you’re a true Vagenius.



Details | Limerick | |

Voldemort, by contrast, was vanquished easily

Changed climate is not a surprise
With drilling for gas on the rise
Where can life forms hide
From carbon dioxide
And methane let loose in the skies?

Neo-druids auger gas wells
And add fluids with sulfurous smells! 
Are poisons they've tapped
With their magic wands trapped
Evermore by sorcerous spells? 

Votes and news seem not relevant
The unrelenting elephant
In all our best rooms
Is fossil fuel's fumes
And toxins we can't circumvent 




Details | Haiku | |

Haiku Shoppe

Great idea here Let’s open a Haiku Shoppe They go great with beer Easy to find I’m told They hide under nibs of pens Don’t let them get old To make a great stew Take a limerick or two Mix well with Haiku If all has gone well And your mix has turned out right You’re ready to sell One more thing to do We must put them on a bun - Sit and have a few Written by John Posey 12/22/12


Details | Rhyme | |

The Doctor Is A Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent
That only worked in his men’s store.
He had ‘clothing ESP’.
He knew what his customers wanted…and more.

When customer would come into his store
Bob would invariably say, 
“Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

And he was always right,
Never missed a color, fabric, style or size.
He even knew the necessary alterations.
Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes.

Meanwhile, in another part of town,
Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine
For every minute for more than five years,
It had driven him near insane.

He’d lost his job to the pain.
Then, he lost his wife.
He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept.
Yes, his was a miserable life.

And, of course,  sex was out of the question…
Even a little self-abuse.
There was nothing left for Joe but pain.
He felt his life was of no use.

So, Joe went to his doctor.
“Doc, please help me end this pain.
Give me something to make me sleep
And never wake up again.”

“You know I can’t assist your suicide.”,
Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed.
“I never dreamed it would last five years,
But I know how to end the pain.”

“You can make it go away?!
Tell me, Doc!  What’s the word?”
“I’ll have to remove your testicles.”
Was the last thing that Joe heard.

But…when he came to, it struck him.
Sex was out of the question anyway;
But he might enjoy his meals again,
And he could sleep for days.

“Please check me in, Doc.
This opportunity I cannot shirk.”
So, the doctor removed his testicles.
He did his very best work.

A few days later, Joe waddled along,
Headache free and feeling pretty nice;
But every attractive woman he saw 
Reminded him of his sacrifice.

He decided it was appropriate
To do something nice for himself for a change.
So, he went into a travel agency;
And a six month cruise he arranged.

As he left the travel agency,
He was excited, feeling ready to go;
But for such a glorious adventure,
He would need new clothes.

As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store.
He walked in, only to hear Bob say,
“Hello.  I’m Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

“How could you know?” asked Joe.
“It’s a gift.  I don’t know how, but I do.
You’ve suffered five years with an ailment,
Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” 

Joe could not believe his ears.
How could this stranger possibly know?
"You're right! That's amazing!
And I'm going to need new clothes." 

Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe
All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size.
Joe was incredibly impressed.
He could hardly believe his ears and eyes.

“How do you like the wardrobe?”
“It’s wonderful!”  Bob could see that Joe was pleased.
“Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments;
You know…shorts and tees?

Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton.
I believe that you prefer white….
And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s.
Yes, I'm sure that’s right.”

Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent
And I just this second realized,
You've laid out this entire wardrobe
And only missed one size.”

Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really?
What did I miss?  I did my best for you.”
“Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys,
But…well…I wear 32s.

“Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace.
“That would be a serious mistake.
Thirty-twos would be too small, 
They would cramp your balls.
You’ll get migraine headaches.”


Details | Alliteration | |

Banana Boat Bob

<                        Banana ~ boat ~ Bob ~ is ~ a ~ slippery..... Boob
                          Thought ~ that ~  this ~ town ~ lost ~ it's .... groove
                          No ~ spice  ~  no ~  life ~ no  .... nothing
                          Little ~ lost ~ boy ~ now ~ looks ~ for ~ his ~ Lucy's ....  ring


                          When ~ where ~ what ~ or ~ even ......  why
                          I'll ~ inquire ~ insist ~ innovate ~ or ~ even  ..... lie
                          His ~ history ~ of ~ having ~ such ~ big ....... hamstrings
                          Maybe ~ even ~ mighty ~ magical ~ musical ~ fruits ~ and .... greens



                         Or ~ having ~ big ~ over-sized ~ onions ~ olives  ~ and ..... Kiwi
                         screw ~ this ~ he's ~ scum  ~ skewered ~ tossed ~ back ~ to ... sea
                         Poor ~ precious ~ pretty ~  Lucy ~  got .......    pranked
                         Cause ~ curious ~ Bob ~ couldn't ~ control ~ love ~ so ~ he ....  sank

              

                        All ~ alone ~ and ~ now ~ very .... angry
                        Drowing ~ deep ~ in ~ own ~ do-do  ~ droppings .... whopie 
                        Luscious ~ Lucy ~ now ~ can ~ look ~ long ~ and ...... hard
                        For ~ another ~ fast ~ floating ~ free ~ salemens ~ not ~ selling.... lard



Entry For
Linda Marie's
Luscious Love Lingers Contest
G.L. All


Details | Couplet | |

Garage sale special

For sale a bunch of fine unused words, many misspelled
Poet can’t uses them; mind is on strike, the pen has been stilled

These words never used for they never quite seemed to fit
Got them online; advertisement said they were a complete poetry kit

Can’t send them back because I did use a few; the remainder unused
Selling at half price; many are funny words which will leave you amused


Details | Light Poetry | |

Clueless Job Applicant

You’ll never guess whom the cat drug in; have a day where you just couldn’t win?
He came strutting in, smacking his gum loud, dressed to the nines Goth Punk style.
Tats trailed down his left arm, with my notice, he said, saving up for the other arm.
When ask about drugs, his answer to me was: “Yes, I’ll share” most invitingly…

Metal adornments on ears, nose, and lips, didn’t want to know, the all of it, at this.
As I noticed, he smiled most cattily, asking: ‘Want to see where else they might be?’ 
Hair a Mohawk with a trail down his back, colors of the rainbow, left nothing to lack.
Steel studs on a black leather butt, said, ‘Bite Me!’ with each and every staged strut.

What are you kidding?… Do my eyes me deceive, or did he just make a pass, at ME?
No Way! I’d rather drop kick him from my office fast, didn't he have any real class?
The application, a Sales Manager Job. Who would try to send me over the deep end?
Bet it had been a practical joke, beginning to end, so I simply held on, my friend.

He must've read my face, forhe smirked, I continued to ask for his list of experience.
His experience was none, but he said he managed his I-tune collection, very well.
Of course, he was the Leader of his ‘Chat Room’. I wondered, ‘Who could tell?’ GEE!
Also an impressive set up on his Facebook page, for his innumerable video games.

I ask how he was qualified for ANY job? Said, Dad ‘THE CEO’ wanted him employed.
I verified this with a call, was told not to be too Harsh, he had Potential, after all...
Ask what job he wanted to give his son? ‘Let him chose himself’, came the real clue!
Ask him, what job he really wanted to do, ‘VP in charge of Recreation’ was imbued.

Said he'd check out all the great places, in his Dad’s fancy Porche. Honestly True!
I kid you not! And he wanted his girlfriend, made into his secretary, Yah! No Doubt!
Believe it or not, he got all he thought he was due. All approved by the CEO’s! True!
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better… I began to really reconsider…

Really, who had been clueless… It hadn’t been him!… Which left me in a dither…
Knowing I just couldn’t win!  I’d be glad when this day was finally, truly, done… 
The kid had probably thought this a great joke on me from beginning to the end!
My perfect job, had just come undone! Apparently, being in HR isn’t always fun! 

My college degree, that took so much sacrifice, no longer sparkled, so much to me.
Boy did I now WISH, I was a CEO’s SON! As I simply got all the paper work done. 
Later, I saw the family portrait on the CEO’s desk. Lucky me! One down!… 
Only eight more to go!

Carol Eastman and Hubby


Details | Lyric | |

Logistics - A parody of a certain delivery company's television advert, to the tune That's Amore

Yes we don’t give a toss,
If your package is lost,
That’s logistics,
If it’s broken or bent,
Or has multiple dents,
That’s logistics,
If it’s fragile and breaks,
It was not our mistake,
That’s logistics,
Well you were not at home,
So we sent it to Rome,
That’s logistics!

So incredibly late,
That it’s gone out of date,
That’s logistics,
We don’t know where it went,
Are you sure it was sent?
That’s logistics,
Your parcels we’ll stash,
But we’ll still take your cash,
That’s logistics,
What an item on time?!
Oh no wait, it’s not mine,
That’s logistics!



Details | Limerick | |

Lemmings never pay the phone company

"Tree huggers” use AT&T
The human cost catastrophe
On the horizon
Like text from Verizon
Is sent with the speed of 4G
 
Pollution's still booked at no 
cost
And Earth’s expenses neatly tossed
Off the balance sheet
With a "Sprint" so complete
The effects on nature seem lost 

Yes EPA rules do offend
Those who crave Earth’s wealth without end
They claim to hate debt
But have seen nothing yet
Like phone bills "T-Mobile" might send! 


Author's note:  It seems ironic and strange that debt haters (like tea party supporters, for 
example) and those who are pushing more reliance on fossil fuel and less "subsidy" for 
renewables (Romney/Ryan for example) support the continuation of policies and 
practices that will damage the environment and that will hurt future generations.  They are 
pushing growth and not pushing conservation.  I would have more respect for them if 
they talked about the costs as well as the benefits of their plans.  I wonder if it might just 
be a scam to reward large corporations for the short term and stick it to the rest of us for 
generations.  That would be nothing new.


Details | Carpe Diem | |

I

If its money I got its money ill keep. If its money I have its money ill weep. If its love that I give its love ill receive. For I am but no one who just see's beneath. Some say your only as strong as you feel, but how could we change..in a place that's so unreal. People are hearing but..not really hearing. Why is the world so blind. I keep on screaming and screaming and screaming for things to be revolutionized. I am just a small song in a world full of cries, laughter, tears and french-fries.


Details | Limerick | |

Let's Get Ready For Some Football

<                                   let's get ready for some football .....    Ya !
                                     Eagles   verses    da   .....   Bears   Well ... then  Hey !       
                                     Here's kickoff ~ by     da .......    Bears
                                     Ohhhhhhhh !  fell  off ....  T  .....    Unfair
                                     Second  ..... blocked  .....  Eagles    7 - Nay !


                                                                      
                                     
                                     
                                    

                                    
Entry For 
Linda Marie's 
Let's Limerick Contest
G.L. All    



Tribute To Football


Details | Rhyme | |

The Man In Black

The man in black alit from the stagecoach that hot and sultry day.
With his hat he brushed dust from his suit as he surveyed old Santa Fe.
He pulled his hat down over his eyes as he strode to the nearby saloon.
Who was this mysterious stranger?  A gambler or a business tycoon?

There was a prominent bulge under his coat where a pistol might be.
He carried a fine leather valise, its contents provoking curiosity!
He was clad in the finest cloth and was built like an old rugged oak,
Wore white linen, fine leather boots, topped off with a stylish cloak!

He sat down with a sigh, took off his hat and ordered a bottle of rye.
He took not a nip but said, "Fellows, step up!  A drink for you I'll buy!"
That was unusual - free booze - they scarcely knew what to think!
But the town rabble and ne'er-do-wells flew to his table for a drink!

In the meantime, the sheriff received word about this new man in town.
He rushed to the saloon with hands on his rods to calm things down!
"What's yer business here, pilgrim?  I don't want any trouble!
If you're here to gamble or pimp, you kin leave town on the double!"

"Calm down, mister sheriff!  I aim to help you in maintaining the peace!
To deal with those who flaunt the law and help crime to decrease!
May I introduce myself, sir.  I'm the Reverend Mister Percival Brown,
And I aim to settle here and build a Presbyterian church in your town!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | I do not know? | |

Pain as a Hobby VI

You’re too selfish you think I’m talking about you!
Hoping the next girl I meet is much richer
So she don’t have the mentality her p**** is as good as cash
Call me genuine 
It has to be more than that that you’re offering me
But definitely it is a weakness and you use it to exploit me
Make it drip and here comes the money tree
But only if it includes all of the Victoria Secret models in my bedroom
Yes, every single one if not - Hasta La Vista!
I’m stingy
But I can take care of me
I don’t believe in dipping in my federal reserve
And blowing it at a strip club and for what
Just to leave and go back into reality
Pain as a hobby
I’m outside in the big van asking for blood
But I will reserve you a plane ticket to get the f*** outta here
An artist unsigned and unheard of 
But all of that has changed now
I started my own companies
Named it after my daughter and my future son King so
The whole family is making a killing
I can’t wait to see her pick up the mic
And pick up the pad and write
Hell, she can be an astronaut if she likes because her
Dad is in her life
I am robbing Peter and Paul
To make sure she has everything she needs
To be successful
If you get too close to the words I speak
You may see the yellow caution tape
I have you figured out outlined in chalk
Beware, I don’t offer hazard pay.
Kind of the way Yulli and I collaborate 
It’s an incinerator 
Your eyes ripping through the words
And causing a fire storm
Now you’re like superman can’t control 
The heat rays
Don’t burn up yet
That’s the same thing that happened to Freddie Krueger
Once the flames engulf you
We coming for you in your dreams
Don’t go to sleep 
Pain as a hobby
I mean what I say


Details | Limerick | |

Miss Priss

<                           once there was a boss we called miss priss
                             like to give orders with snap of wrist
                             file fax make coffee
                             phones radio golly
                             when not looking I blow her big hiss


Details | Monorhyme | |

Business Meeting Blues

As I sit at a table surrounded by reds, I feel so inferior, blue fills my head. They spill out black and blue to all I’ve said, The air is a blend of purple-grey lead. Pink and peach flow from what I’ve read, To think I awoke from whiteness of my bed, Didn’t know egos so green would need to be fed, Frankly this meeting- well I’d rather be dead.
Written September 18, 2012 For Lisa Cooper’s contest “Tickle Me Pink”


Details | Limerick | |

October, 1582

The Julian calendar threw
Spring’s equinox path far askew 
But Gregory’s shift
Of ten days closed the rift
So Easter eggs roll now on cue


Details | Limerick | |

Tone it down to ''at least for the duration''

Time does our earth presence sever
But the post office is clever  
And offers for sale
For its eternal mail  
A stamp that is good forever


Author's note: The idea that anything associated with this planet will be consumed "forever" is peculiar and laughable.  It is also destructive in that business holds the truth in shadows.


Details | Free verse | |

The Switch Up

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


~JSLambert


Details | Limerick | |

Hark--an Angel--The harbinger of all things good

What flies though the air up above
Disguised as a peace seeking dove
For those who've not heard
Drones can send you the bird
From the land of brotherly love

Author's note: Is this really how to win friends and influence people (for the long term)?


Details | Limerick | |

Twelve Seconds

<                    Once was a bartender named Louie
                      Thought my tales story was quite screwy                                     
                      Asked how many seconds
                      Was in year he reckons
                      Twelve shouted out by cousin dewey







Entry For
Confession To A Bartender


                                  


Details | Verse | |

The Paparazzi Quinzaine

<                                   paparazzi candid shots
                                     privacy act ruined ?
                                     big nuisance ?
                                     
                                     


Details | Bio | |

Shopping, American Style

I wonder if this is a trait
reserved only for Americans,
Or do all humans suffer
From this dementia?

I saw an item advertised
In my local paper
A one day sale
Limited quantities.
So Hurry In!!!!

This was something I'd 
wanted for years,
And the price was reasonable,
But a forty mile ride to get there

So, I drove the distance
To this big Department store,
Speeding a bit
I hoped they would still have more,

A line at the check out counter,
Department Manager on the phone,
Every few moments you could hear a groan,
And another frustrated customer
left for good...

Before I knew it, I was at the front of the line
The manager and sales clerk buzy
With a potential customer on the phone,
Now I understood the groan.
This potential customer was shopping
by phone, with endless questions...

Seemed there was no way to get these people's
Attention...
I waved, I knocked on the counter,
I repeatedly begged for assistance
But the Bozo on the phone got all
of their attention.
Live customers waving cash in thr air
Made no difference to them,
As they decribed every item in the
department

I turned to the eight or so people behind me
"Isn't this Ridiculous?"
Turning away from live customers,
eager to buy, and spending all your attention
to some clown on the phone too lazy to come by!

So now, when such an incident arises,
I'll call them from my cell phone,
While on line,
And perhaps, then, I'd be taken seriously.


Details | Rhyme | |

Gerkey's Jerky

There's a teacher named Gerkey. He sells lots of jerky. If you won't pay, he'll send you away, and you won't get jerky form Gerkey.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Working Week NR

Here we go round the working week
The working week
The working week
Here we go round the working week
Every boring weekday

We gossip around the water cooler
The water cooler
The water cooler
We boss he can see the staff they flee
Every boring weekday

See how we forward our funny email
Our funny email
Our funny email
The boss is here your screen is clear
Every boring weekday

Texting during a staff meeting
A staff meeting
A staff meeting
The boss is aware your phone is no where
Every boring weekday


Details | Quatrain | |

Toaster Strudel Trochee

<                                       Toaster Strudel - Trochee

                                         
                                        I just crave toaster strudel
                                        Piping hot pastry
                                        Cool icing so can doodle
                                        Kellogg's bakery

                                 
                                        So get to popping me one 
                                        Time to used noodle
                                        Pop tarts boring just no fun
                                        Choose toaster strudel




Meter: 7/5/7/5 
Rhyme Scheme: a/b/c/b or a/b/a/b

The meter is trochee, which means alternating stressed and unstressed beats in each line, with each line beginning and ending in a stressed syllable. This is a simple lyrical type little poem, so rhymes will be basic, nothing fancy. The poem itself should give a description of something of interest to the poet and often the meter lends itself to humor, much as a limerick does. There is not a set number of these quatrain type stanzas, but a typical 7/5 Trochee would consist of two quatrains, with the second stanza serving to tie up the idea presented in the first stanza.


Details | Limerick | |

Just For Kicks

<             just like football i am like the queen
               now hand over remote or i'll scream
               black and blue division
               on my television
               Kicking Jay Cutlers butt I do dream









Entry For
Kristen Bruni's 
Football Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Sight See


Had she and I whet our appetites 
discretely we'd not need to leave lights 
on while we two commit 
what, I have to admit, 
is one of the biggest tourist sights.


Details | Rhyme | |

A PROMISE THAT DWINDLES WITH TIME

Politicians will do anything to get elected on this coming November second:
from fierce attacks on integrity, sensitivity, character and morality...
and lie they will to win at the polls, promising all streets of glittering gold;
good folks, before you choose those candidates, be aware of reality. 



Every media is swamped with ads with messages that convicinvigly say,
" I approve of this message." Should we endorse and trust them?
The Mayor wants to be the Governor, and the Governor President...
anyone can run for any of these prestigious offices on that lucky day.



In their vibrant words truly convincing...all you hear is changes for the better:
less taxes, more jobs, drug-free streets, pristine cities and minimal crime,
but how can they afford all these expenses, if not on the hard-working tax-payer? 
If they constantly swear: their promise is a promise that dwindles with time.



Details | Burlesque | |

Body Parts

Need a fender?  A replacement hood?
J.D. Body Parts won't do you any good.
See, here you'll find ankles and feet in aisle 3.
Torsos on aisle end-caps, for all to see.
Heads and genitals in the refrigerated section
in the rear.  This week we have a special sale
if you need an ear.
Legs in the toy aisle, aisle 6, stacked neatly
next to the Legos and the pick up sticks.
If it's merely a scalp for which you do shop,
you can check out the backroom, where we
there chop.  Fingers in the snack aisle, aisle
number five.  And they're so fresh, you'd swear 
they're still live.
If you need some help to find a part, just ask
the manager, he'll fill your cart.
And you'll find he's quite a charmer.
Our store manager, Jefferey Dahmer!


Details | Canzone | |

THE INVISIBLE BAN

            THE INVISIBLE BAN

I’ve known so many men who’ve left and I prayed they’d never come back
And then there is this one dude who left the North and traveled down south
He carried his meager belongs in a bag akin to Santa’s Xmas sack
He’s a dude who has never learned to shut his foolish mouth

He thinks himself wise yet he’s nothing but a fool
So he stands on a corner begging people’s ear
He uses his mouth as a rusted and useless tool
For he has nothing to say which people want to hear

They’ve heard the same things in a thousand different ways
Like Chicken Little and his assertion that the sky will fall
He begs the people to look up for he is a pious man who devoutly prays
Yet all of these people are wise enough to ignore his call

He’s got big ideas, a big mouth and won’t keep quiet on a bet
No one likes him as they try to avoid what they hear and see
He thinks himself so smart yet he has trouble with the alphabet
And I know he’s ignorant because that man is me
         © 2011.…..Phreepoetree  ~free cee!~



Details | Didactic | |

Bazookas In The Bed

          Bazookas In The Bed

We have a mosquito problem
It’s in our house.  It never ends
There’s nothing we can do but shoot them
Then shoot them over and over again
You see…You understand…They’re not our friends
Potions, tonics, sprays all make them happy
It gives them strength to multiply
We’re looking to make their lives less comfy
Less pleasant less satisfied
It’s not from animus or hate
Shells and ammo is the case.  It’s simply fate
And to that end
I stay up late at night and wait  
7 bazookas by my side and sights are ready
And from my bed in the deepest dark
I fire at will!  I fire straight!
The idea is not to simply kill them
Though that would be so very great
But to make them really really dead
With bazooka fire power from my bed


Details | Limerick | |

Chelyabinsk

A hot opportunity knocks
Buy and sell incoming space rocks
We love asteroids
But are covered by Lloyds
In case our own blocks suffer shocks


Details | Blank verse | |

Pages of the Book

On earth on a Mission
purpose redefined with singleness of vision
clarity came cause i sat to look
through the pages of the book


Some days skipped with nothing to dine
some nights slept with nothing to wine
yet more nourished than a royal cook
for i am best fed from the pages of the book


When I lost focus and fell
drowning in the depths of the well
yet I was lifted by an unseen hook
as i flipped through the pages of the book


What about you my dear friend
when the terrestrial race comes to an end
and death vomits all that it ever took
will your name be found on the pages of the book


Details | Limerick | |

Old Profession


There once was a lass from the Bower
Whose fame got her paid by the hour
'Till one Knightly gent
Forgot reticent
And now she's the one with the power.

©deborah burch
6/07/2012


Details | Prose Poetry | |

TIME

Tick tack  on the wall,
Knocking all the wall,
Scaring us all,
Muscling the muscles,
Muscling the morsels in us,
Quickening the finest deep,
The hidden gold of gold,
A dignity of labour,
How loyal and diligent you are,
Precious and precarious,
Dangerous and conspicuous.
TIME !!TIME!!TICK TACK!

Running without waiting for anybody,
How impatient could man be,
In your sound you keep man,
In haste at everydawn,
Thou hath in the haste of full dawn,
Desperately desperate,
Anxiously anxious,
Wisely wise are we and you
Preciously precious,
Nothing can be done without you that's obivously obvious.
TIME !!TIME!!TICK TACK!


We chose to choose you,
Working to work with you,
Falling to fall with you,
No time no food,
No time no suite,
No time no cheat,
No time no shift,
No time no me,
there is set time for everything,
Mama use to say,
Patience is virtue of time,
that's the way whichever way.
TIME !!TIME!!TICK TACK!


Details | Limerick | |

Slamming Politicians

They slam each other every day.
Tearing them apart in a sly way,
Truth I say, what a lie.
Political games cry.
Give them cement shoes, drop into bay.

Next election, vote for three blind mice,
They would fare better, than roll of dice.
Vote now for mystery.
Go down in history.
For they have no “tales-tails“, truths suffice.


Details | Rhyme | |

It's Friday

<                                         Is It Friday Yet ?
                                            Yea ~ You Bet


                                            Just Got Paid
                                            Now Want To Get Laid


                                            7 ~ 3
                                            Good Golly

                                           
                                            Boss On  Ass
                                            Like Sharpel Of Glass

                                            
                                            Phones Ringing Off Wall
                                            Everybody And Their Mother Calls

                                            
                                            Fix This Fix That
                                            Phone I just Want To Splat


                                            Tic Tock Tic Tock
                                            Goes Slow On Dam  Clock 


                                           Thursday  -  Monday
                                           All I want To Say


                                            Is It Friday Yet
                                            And No I Can't Afford A Dreamy Jet


                                            So As The Saying Goes
                                            I'll Just Keep Crossing My Fingers And Toes



Entry For
Joe Flach's
In Other Words Contest



My Inspiration 
Is It Friday Yet ?  LOL
G.L. All
                                            


Details | I do not know? | |

Fizzy Christmas

Fizzy Christmas
By Danny Sroda

There is a story which has been untold
Which I cannot any more withhold
It's about a man who you all know
Who lives out in the land of snow
Father Christmas was his name
Until that episode of shame
When he started wearing all that red
And he became Santa instead

I wonder if you've ever thought
If not I think you really ought
To consider why he made this change
If you think about it, it's quite strange
One day he was a fairy tale
Until his agent made a sale
Like David Beckham, he was sold
To the ones who promised lots of gold

So he changed his name and changed his clothes
He was dictated to by those
Who thought their business could cash in
On Santa's warm and friendly grin
Before he knew it he was cloned
When he read the contract how he groaned
What have I done? the old man said
I must have sawdust in my head

They've got me by the crystal balls
In all the schools and shopping malls
There's a fellow with a clip-on beard
Who all the children think is weird
They know it's not the real me
But still they sit upon his knee
So they can humour mum and dad
And show them it's no passing fad
And that they always will believe
But they know it's really uncle Steve
Who's dressed up in those silly clothes
They can recognise his big red nose
Dad says it comes from too much beer
He looks like Rudolph the Reindeer

While those impostors take my place
I have to work a crazy pace
I've only got one Christmas Eve
To make certain that I will achieve
This mammoth task that lies ahead
While all the children are in bed
Seven billion homes in just one night
Do you think I get some strange delight?
In driving through the sleet and snow
In temperatures fourteen below

Poor Rudolph dreads it every year
So do the other eight reindeer
Delivering seven billion gifts
Through avalanches and snow drifts
Can be a pretty tricky feat
When at every house we have to eat
A carrot and a large mince pie
And if I drank the brandy I would die

Still I suppose it could be worse
Just think if it was in reverse
If I didn't get a tasty treat
No carrot for Rudolph to eat
We'd have to go to Pizza Hut
And then the boss would kick my butt
He'd refer me to the HR clerk
For going AWOL whilst at work

So I need to get my conscience clear
My image rights have cost me dear
It was making me uptight and stressed
So with this letter I've confessed
You see I am just like the rest
In the rat-race and depressed
facebook.com/alchemyofwords to read the rest!


Details | ABC | |

Crazy World

Crazy World

It’s funny how
The universities are still in business
Of producing graduates
That speak funny English
And hardly make invention
And the stock market falls
Down street tumbles
That lets people buy
And make profit
Like grandpa used to say,
True intellectualism died
In the year 1929
With the rise in acumen inflation
It was then that
This Federal Reserve of Ignorance
The true villain of this quandary
Traces its genesis
Hope that explains succinct
This universal impotence


Details | Haiku | |

the ceiling burst

the debt ceiling talk
led to so much tension that 
the room's ceiling burst


Details | Free verse | |

Eat At Joe's

         Eat At Joe’s

Pop owns the Greasy Spoon Cafe
It’s just around the corner
Just down the road
He’s 95 and still alive
From eating at Joe’s
You know, his brother Joe
Has a joint right around the other corner 
Just down the road
I guess I gotta warn ya
Joe’s got hot dogs too
But they’re not blue like Greasy Spoons
Or ready to walk out the door like some strange new life forms
There are questions about rubber bands in soups at Pops
One day I found a tooth in one of his fine dishes 
It was still delicious and the tooth belonged to Pop
He said, “No extra charge”….. “Keep the fossil”
There are no menus at Greasy Spoon
All plates are made from memory
Something Pop lost long ago
We all like Pop lots and lots but true is true
So my advice to you
Is Eat At Joe’s 
It’s just around the corner from the other corner
Just down the road
Please… Eat At Joe’s


Details | Rhyme | |

My Computer Is A Fine Friend

You really think you know it all 
You think your so smart
Than why do you sometimes stall
Than don't want to start
You throw at me suggestions
Circling around what i asked
It was a simple question  
And they say that you are fast
I think you have tried to fool everyone
With your so called known for knowledge
Fooling around with people isn't called fun
Tell the truth you really didn't go to collage
Some say you know how to spell
Others say your typing the best
Maybe those people are not feeling well
Cause sometimes you make my pages a mess
So do i write to fast for you 
 Really what part didn't you understand
I said  yes he knew
 Not yes he can
Some say your the best
My friends nicknamed you the world brain
 Well i think you can be a real pest
And i think my friends are insane
Like maybe i should loan you out
Let my friends try you for awhile 
Soon as they see how you mess about
We will see if they still smile
For now i will ponder the thought
Giving you the benefit of the doubt
So don't mess up a lot 
Or its a guarantee your out


Details | Free verse | |

Avocado - a true story

     Avocado -  a true story

It’s green
Not Martian
Avocado fell from high
Perhaps the sky
Or margins thereabouts
More exact
A tree or branch released it down
And found my wife
Nearly took her life
Her eye was hit directly
With bump…. then lump
Untold un-pleasantries of course were hers
She did not cry
But made a side dish of revenge
With proper justice served
Guacamole anyone?!


Details | Couplet | |

Invisible's Invincibility

I am an invisible man.
Try and see me if you can.

Shy and quiet I remain alone.
Silent is my voice’s tone

No one can feel my pain and sorrow
As I hide inside of my burrow. 

Shadows consume my body and soul
As I embrace the misty cold. 

The reason for my unseen being
Lies in the fact I hate being seen.

This life and existence’s of my own choice
And I choose not to have a voice.

I am silent. Invisible. Inexistent.
Yet I am invincible, an immortal being


Details | Rhyme | |

Boring Class but Saved by the Bell!

Clock ticking like crazy while my teacher is explaining
Scribbling on my paper during the time that is remaining.
Watching the clock religiously as if time would speed up
the teacher takes a sip from his big blue coffee cup.

Due to his monotony I have no idea what hes speaking about.
as he writes on the white board I try to tune him out.
Interrupted while thinking about what lunch is today
my teacher asks about the topic and if I have anything to say.
He stares at me rudely as a smirk spreads on his face
I know hes secretly excited that he gets to put me in my place.

I stutter as I try to remember what exactly he was asking
I wouldn't be in this dilemma if I was good at multitasking.
Press my lips together and hope the bell will ring
but I feel as helpless as a baby bird with a broken wing.
Maybe my facial expression will make the teacher think I'm pondering
even though he knows this whole time my mind has been wandering.

Teacher bows his head in complete and utter frustration
I knot my eyebrows together in false concentration.
The teacher clears his throat but its not heard very well
because at this moment I have been saved by the bell!


Details | Rhyme | |

Oh Mr. Bernanke!

Oh Mr. Bernanke
Are we going to have that Rate-cut today?
Aha, you are the candy-man
Could wave your wand
Make the dying Market stand.

Ah, but it ain’t working anymore
The Market is a falling man
Oh Mr. Bernanke
You wave your wand
But it’s fallen over the stands!

Oh Mr. Bernanke
Swayed the Market just your own way!
But banks aren’t making money
The cuts to them are one too many
Candy-man, the Market won’t stand!

Got my only heifer and sacrificed
At the altar of Dow and Nasdaq, paid a high price
The Dow, oh it fell through the Year’s low
Now here I come, Candy-man
Look through your store
We need something more!


Details | I do not know? | |

A Sand Box Experiment

Little Jenny was always found to be very prim and proper/
Outside reading her cook book by Betty Crocker/
Lazy Mary Sat on the lazy suzanne,
Butch Malone was their next of kin kissing cousin,
Along with Mary this made up the famed dirty dozen !
That sand box experiment really made us laugh/
Shortly after gym class,

Butch Malone along with the famed Benjamin Bankhead/
Jimmy Foley the local guitar player knew,
The pathway in life that we should choose/
Often he would be found taking a tremendous dump in the boy's urenil !

The path of least resistance sought about from a chosen few,

Often he would appear in shepherds clothing similar to little boy blue !

Playing guitar like he's going out of style !
That sandbox experience was designed to distract all the teacher's ?
We set up stuffed dummies just to look like real people,
Right underneath the bleacher's !

Old man Winter's who worked for Mr. Kazoo knew the score/
Very often he was being seen outside the local liqour store,
Lest I emplore,

The sand box experiment was in full swing on that one particuler day/

Butch Malone thought he was the real king ?
That was until Mrs. Maloney saw him through the window !
Next the time was drawing near/
Then so was that dinner bell,

Mrs. Maloney started talking to all those dummies,

Next thing you know she had tripped over little Johnny !
He was stuffed that was/
Flying three feet high in the air she had fell right on her face !
What a social disgrace !

Yet what had happened to Butch Malone ?
Like a little dog without his bone/
He pee pee'd his pants then cried all the way home !
The next day when Mrs. Maloney got her second wind/

She didn't even know where to begin/

For that little stunt the whole class was suspended for the day,
Yet for the gang including Butch Malone what did they say ?
All in all the sandbox experiment really did make their day !


Details | Free verse | |

Repent

We sleep deep with eyes reflecting sudden drag in turmoil

We lament then run full circles in distant fantasy parked by its brevity
In sleepless nights frozen conclave we insist that we get our way;
Shapes of frightened cold unleashed sway;
Colors flourishing in ambiance tempered in modest excursion

A sworn agreeable text to lament in hot regard to its pierced claim

Repent
~

Shattered glass on its myraid surface with plot;
Sadness in hearts that swell in its loosened conclave of ivy dew
Drops of loom loose filled the room faltered glow
Repent!

For the kingdom of God is at hand!

Through a choiced drama

Through a blaze of glory an almost different story!


Details | Rhyme | |

Leverage

Business before pleasure
Are you a big spender
Mortgaging your heart
For lustful endeavors
Straddling your bottom line
Leveraged with burgundy wine
She wants a quick merger
Before your numbers decline 


Details | Narrative | |

Memoirs Of A Barber-Stylist (Mature)

       Come in.  Have a seat.  Come listen to my story.  It's a bit upbeat.  I cut and styled 
hair for several years and some of the things that happened will make you laugh so hard, it'll 
bring you to tears.  Once there was a lady with very thick hair who wanted a razor cut to 
kinda thin it out.  The hair cut went well until just before I finished, then my razor slipped 
and I cut out a big amount of hair.  Of course I never told her you could see skin.  I finished 
the haircut and when it came time to show her the back of her hair in the mirror,  I angled it 
just enough to where she couldn't see the gap.  Oh well, in my chair that's the chance you 
took.  
       There was a man came in one day with a very nice mole on his neck.  I worked all 
around it and was very careful.  I was almost finished cleaning up his neck with the clippers 
and somehow the clipper slipped.  All I can say is no extra for surgery!
       A very young man who was the son of a man whom I went to church with came in one 
day.  He was one of God's special children and says things sometimes that just pop in his 
mind.  He talked about a lot of things while I cut his hair.  Then out of the blue he 
said, "P___y sure is good!"  If I'd had false teeth they would have flown across the room. It 
was such a shock!   But instead I tried to act natural because he was such a kid.  So I 
answered and said, "Yes, it sure is!" and kept cutting.  That was all he said and knowing him 
and his family, I doubt he really knew.
       A really frizzy haired young man came in one day and wanted a style.  My mom just 
happened to be there as my receptionist that day.  She kind of eyed him when he came in 
but didn't say anything.  I cut his hair and took pains and pulled out all the frizz and he did 
look rather nice.  When he went to pay mom looked at him and said, "You look like an 
entirely different person!"  And of course the situation at the time, I was trying to build a 
business and wanted to go through the floor.  
       Let me just tell you one more.  Some of you ladies may have been cruel and done this 
before.  And men if your barber is a lady you probably have too  If you place your hands 
and fingers on the end of the arm, in strategic places as the barber works there, you may 
get more than your money's worth!  LOL.  This has happened to me more than once. I could 
feel their fingers flipping to feel me.  And you know it's intentional because if you look in the 
mirror, they will look in your eyes!


Details | Classicism | |

I got haters

i realky hate my life and all the fake people in it                                                                                                 People are hella fake just a bunch of haters trying to see the drama they can create thats exactly why i wana get out of this state because im surrounded a bunch fakes who hate                                                       
People always got to talk down just like cowards they do it when im not around.No matter what I do someone always has something to say and me and my buisness people talk about every single day thats what makes me wanna just get away Cowards and fakes are what they are I shine like a star why there over there hating and wont make it far.


Details | I do not know? | |

"I Call The Credit Card!"

The mailman walks so slowly.
They see him near our box.
The kids all run to check the mail
(normally without socks!) 

''I call the credit card! ''
They say because they know.
We've now grown to expect it
like cold weather brings the snow.

It's one of the usual pieces
that they've come to just expect...
each day we're offered credit cards
(that they think we can't reject) .

Another line of credit! 
Hey, here's $50,000 more! 
I've never owned a credit card
and I'll never owe a store.

Although we've never had one
we're offered every day.
The kids use them for bookmarks.....
It's much cheaper that way!


Details | Free verse | |

Sin

Anguish taunts through a barbed wire fence with edged grasp

Actions in which human beings rebel against a holy God
Miss their purpose for their lives
Surrender to the prince of the power of the air more then God
Cause  all of their deeds were evil!

Shattered
An eclipse of the sun had tainted my inner vision
Push back the pain with radiant guide
Does this notion in thought come at any big surprise?

Weak willed tyrants from the flood of dispinsation
Shattered fragments loosed in gloom climatic abrasion
Parts unknown from the setting of the sun
Sin

Leading gullible women captive under the false cloak of compromise
Abortion on demand
When will they ever understand?

Blood shed in our streets
Evil tyrants from elected officials overly prideful taunt & pull!
We each our responsible for our actions before a holy God
Sin!


Details | Burlesque | |

He Who Depends on Extenze

A miracle pill
Makes "that certain part of a male body"
Much bigger...
This commercial the trigger
For 100 million sales
And it never fails

So ol' tom sent for some,
Not that he had any prospect
Of needing such a miracle
Just curious, you might say

And lo and behold,
After the very first day...
My big toe was 18 inches long
No shoe could I get on

So if you believe these claims
Remember what some are
The secret's in the RX27 fiber technology
And they go so far 
To back up their claims
With goobley-gook
Buy this spoon, you'll be a cook!

They treat us as morons,
Well, perhaps they're right
But must I endure this drivel
Day and night?

Makes me laugh, that's true
But then again,
You probably want to see
What they can do.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Trucker

I was cruisen the back roads,in my ole semi truck,
Runnin against my log book,pressin my luck.
When way in the distance,I saw lights just a blinkin,
Couldnt be a scale house,thats what I was thinkin.
As I rolled closer,the sign was plain to read,
Scale house open,my truck was what they need.
So I rolled on in,their just doin the ground pressure check,
Then the sign flipped on,Bring your paperwork in to the scale of Libeck.
They asked for my license,they took a quick look,
Then they pointed at me and said,I need your log book.
The officer said,A little over on your time,
Your fuel stops dont match,this could cost you a dime.
But I'll make you a deal,see that parkin spot right there,
Pull in for ten hours and we will call it square.
Or you can take the fine,but I would not advise it sir,
It's one thousand dollars for every fifteen minutes per.
So when trying to gane time,and make an extra buck,
Dont plan on the backroads and dont press your luck.


Details | Couplet | |

The best job

Your own successful biz,
that's what your best job is!

Volodymyr Knyr
2014


Details | Rhyme | |

Salesman

Step right up! Settle right in!
For I’ve a tale for you I’ll spin.
Step right up enjoy the show,
I’ll tell you things you already know.
The beauty of it is I make it sound new.
This magical tale I’ll spin for you.

I’m a North American Shaman,
A Shakespearean sage,
A snake oil salesman,
Post latency age.

My goal is simple as you’ll soon see,
To slip from your grasp quick as can be.
Cause I’m slick as owl spit on plate glass,
as I talk I’ll pull facts from the cleft of my sass.
By the time you realize what it is that I’ve said,
I’ll be gone to the next show, cause you are brain dead.


Details | Free verse | |

Torture Within

There is a dividing line between the chasm fault

Some are eager & content to appear righteous yet
They are only fooling themselves through a dance
One in twain marked on its blotted page yet fully intact
Working too hard can give anyone a heart attack

Lines have been drawn in the sand
When will we ever understand?
The visible from the invisible yet now were caught in the middle
Some our eager and content in playin second fiddle?

Clearer heads have prevailed yet

There is still known torture from within my friend
One will take the time out to listen
A sign of grace spread out upon a peyton place
Circumstances all for second glances?

Yet the heart from within will surface again 

Fought back the tears with a smile still to know all the great while
A pen on a paper a stereo to caper
Me & Eric b & a nice cool plate of fish
Sorry to have missed its waiting bliss

In agony we will begin to see
A misfortune to a heightened reality as a key
Soaring ever higher then ever before reaching great heights
Shattered fragments on the pavement floor 

Some are eager & caught in vice
perhaps another chance or a roll of the dice?


Details | Rhyme | |

ode underwater

I've got this listing, sinking feeling
that I owed most of my life to my bank.
Hands in the air, reaching for debt ceiling,
yet another fine mess, with no one to thank.

Guns all put down, the pen reigns mightier
can't fight the bank, let alone hit myself.
Contracts contracted, assurances flightier
seems the whole world's overextended itself.

I ode some words, I owed some dollars
'course everyone I talk to is in the same boat.
Can't answer my phone for collecting callers,
looking to ourselves, line of credit, to float.

I'm maxed they've determined, but I'm appealing
my mortgage, in arrears, beyond my credit score.
All my creditors say that defaulting is stealing
I gave a stone and blood, still they want more.

Seems to everyone, I owe myself, that's no joke
shouldn't be depressed, but maybe I oughter.
Dunno if I'm myself, or like all nations folk,
I've underwritten much of this ode underwater.

'course if I owe some B and B owes to C 
and C owes somebody else...well back to me,
then it seems that we all owe to each other,
our mountain of debt is brother to brother.

Would some rebalancing of our balance sheets
starve our children, kick us out into streets?
Maybe we should waive our bankruptcy hearing
and admit it's to life we're really endearing.

© Goode Guy 2011-06-10


Details | Light Poetry | |

Runaway Train { Footle}

Runaway Train

    Conductor No Brain


Off His Track
     Didn't Look Back


Cargo Debris
   Blowing In Breeze


Poor Boxcar Willie
       Got Knocked Silly


Sam The Man
      Was Simply Canned 

I Did Yell
    What The Hell


Details | Light Poetry | |

Comic (footle)

He shuns

no puns



Details | Limerick | |

February Funny Bone

A February baker is named Joanie. This Joanie Woanie has a funny boney. She sells a cake or pie. Her price is way too high. Joanie Woanie is a phony baloney. Robert Pettit for Linda-Marie’s contest


Details | Rhyme | |

It's all your fault

I want to talk,
Talk it through,
Talk about me,
And talk about you.

Lately it's been hard,
All of your work,
And around the kids,
You're such a jerk.

Well it's not my fault,
You're the one who chose,
A bakers dozen,
Of kids, yes those.

How can i know,
The future Shane,
You haven't been,
Through the blood and the pain.

Hey, I've been working hard,
To keep our home,
We're nearly bankrupt,
And you know that dome,

That you bought for our dog,
I mean come on honey,
I work and i work,
But you spend all the money.

I don't care for this rubbish,
I care not for you,
Get out of my house,
And i'm keeping Lulu!


Details | ABC | |

Income

Income
A little oldy gave me a dollar.
I gave her two in return.
The little old lady gave me two.
I gave her three in return.
The little old lady gave me four. 
I gave her five in return.
The little old lady gave me five.
I gave her five in return.
The little old lady Ask me why i only gave her five.
I said "the Government would declare it a income and I would be taxed


Details | I do not know? | |

What do you mean ?........

Ring ....Ring.......Ring.......Ring
Hello ! who is this ?
May I speak with shing hong ?
Who ?.........
Shing hong ......
No. I think it is wrong number 
Ha ha ha ha ...........
Ha ha ha ha ...........
What do you mean wrong number ?...
You know what I mean .........
Not really .........
Spent time and think
Ha ha ha ha ha ha......
Ha ha ha ha ha ha......
Ok... Can you give me his number then ?
No I don't have it......
What do mean you don't have it ?.....
You know what I mean ........
Not really .......... ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ..... stop it, ok ?......
Ha ha ha ha ha.... I am sorry ...ha ha ha ha ha
It is ok....ha ha ha ha ha .............Clinnnggg..... 


Details | Free verse | |

ADVISE FOR GUYS BOUND FOR PATHMARK

I'm pushing this heavy cart 
without any strenght left,
and through isles swarming with shoppers  
I'm confused by the above signs;
I rush to the one I missed dismaying onlookers.
How can I be so forgetful...
shouldn't I have a list of all items
I use thoughout the week?
I admit that guys are different from gals
with their minds focus on household things!


Yes, we guys aren't as patient as they are,
looking for bargains is a thriftiness that bugs us;
and down those isles we go..not reading labels,
not comparing prices...just filling up our shopping cart
with food we don't really need!  And who will be embarassed
when the cashier tells us annoyingly that the credit card
has been declined! Oh, good grief...we don't carry enough cash,
to avoid blushing in the publice eye while the the line gets longer!  


My advice to you guys: before you venture out shopping, stash your wallet
with enough cash, or check the balance on your credit or debit card;
it's another way of being smart! And besides being admired, you may also find romance
while you are in line and a pretty girl smiles, trying to start an intelligent conversation...
leading to a date or even marriage! Do you get it? Look sharp, flash lots of money
and really get lucky! If you fellas do what I have suggested, 
you'll have broads flocking to you and your buddies will envy you for your luck!


Details | Free verse | |

It's A Mad Mad Mad World Out There

I want to know
What happens after
This confrontation

Well  !
Well  !


Dr Jekyll

Experimented

With potion

And

Mr Hyde

Tested
It
Too

And

It 
Made 
Em

Both

Mad !
Mad !
Mad !

I
Tell
You
Mad !


Details | Rhyme | |

PET-SICK PANIC

Eddy, the dog-walker, of Park Lane South, seems
the youngest guy to ever be followed with fervor 
by a bunch of well-groomed, and well-fed puppies;
and does one not wonder how he manages them all?  


He has been in the pet business for decades charging minimal fees,
and what a great service he provides for his customers he loves to please;
never did he lose any of them...his dealings are fair, kind and friendly
and considering the amount he handles, he must be a very smart guy! 


Exactly at eight o' clock, he leaves his shop without a bite,
turning all responsibilities over to Debbie,
and he trusts her like she were close family;
don't trust and friendship go hand in hand as kid and kite?


By the way I've described him, you think everything goes smoothly?
No, by Heaven's sake he has his ups and downs constantly;
and when one of those hounds escapes from an unlocked cage...
you should see how he runs after him, feel his uncontrolled rage!


Details | Rhyme | |

FORESEEING A GREAT DAY

I'm waking up rubbing my winking eyes
so sensitive to the burst of the first sunrays;
I open wide the off-whilte Venetian blinds of older days,
to get a better view of a sun never hiding its surprises.


I go straight to the kitchen tripping on the way,
I'll brew a fresh pot of Maxwell coffee: sweet and strong;
just four cups a day: its a good way to rewind and sing
that folk song that caught my attention yesterday.


I quickly jump into the shower with light blue curtains
displaying red canyons in the background as eagles fly
over breathtaking praires, but who can hear this voice...
if not the caged parrot that repeats it with a sorrowful cry? 


I will set him free today and let him choose his own destiny,
parrots or any other bird weren't meant to be locked in cages;
yes, they are similar to us seeking freedom and loving harmony,
so why should we deny them happiness causing them many pains?


Off to work, looking my best: with gray suit which costed four hundred bucks,
and a silver tie to match my black shoes...well-trimmed fingernails is a must;
A splash of Obsession to turn on single, attractive girls at Starbucks.
I drive off in my shiny green Honda, foreseeing a great day until dusk.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Got Maury

Got Drama
        Oh Mama

This One Guy
       Don't Pass By


Five Days A Week
       Turn Dial's And Seeks

Not His
  110 % Sure Is

Caught In Act
          With Other In Sack

Control Freaks
     Mothers Who Seek

Out Of Control Teens
  Sometimes Drag Queens

Fifthy Time Liars
       Maury's For Hire


Details | Free verse | |

Let's Make a Deal with the Devil

Welcome to the grand MGM Hotel! Roll out the red carpet and Champaign for everybody!
Today, we have a very special guest. Welcome to the hottest club on earth! No bells no,
whistles, yes indeed, just devilish business in profit and greed.
   
This place is a stick of dynamite! This place is hot! No bells no whistles yes indeed,
just devilish business in profit and greed.
    
We got casinos and neon lights. Just place your bets and roll the dice! Winner takes all.
I will pay top dollar for your soul. I got a contract for sale. Let’s make a deal. No
bells no, whistles, yes indeed, just devilish business in profit and greed.

Just sign on the dotted line. Come on friend relax. No problems regarding background
checks and picture identification. We have ATMs instant cash availability. The power to do
anything you want. You can live forever, if your soul desires!

All I want is your soul. Sounds like a win, win situation to me? Any problem reading the
small print?  Should you hire a lawyer? Absolutely, we have lawyers down here too!
Unfortunately, people in hell, want ice water


Details | I do not know? | |

Lose The Weight !

Just as though a person will train in the natural/
God wants us to use his talent in the supernatural !
A thought to ponder,

Many years ago/
A very noble poet had penned,
"The pen is mightier then the sword !"
Yet what was his richest reward ?
This came not from the things given to him by men !

One man had prayed long to God for help/

He went to the doctor,
Shortly after the doctor stated, His prognosis was grim !"
Lose the weight or your going to die !"

In return the man worked out everyday;
Even started working on his tan,
All of a sudden, the man started looking and feeling great !
Time had passed and he was crossing the street one day,
Suddenly he got hit by a car !


In the return the man prayed to the Lord again;

"Where were you God ?"
His reply was,
Frankly with that tan Sam, I didn't quite recognize you !
As the pen was to the sword/

Learn to pull forward to earn God's greatest reward !
One word to the wise,
"Read your bible and stay away from all of Satan's lies !"

The moral of the story may be strange but true !
That God isn't ever through with you !


Details | Light Poetry | |

No Your Not Civil At All

Civility

      Now let's see

               Goverment

                   Mixed messages sent


                                One for all

                                        Who made call ?


                                                   Unfair trades

                                                          Loved ones laid


                                                                      I'm still broke

                                                                                But won't choke


                                                                                                   Civility

                                                                                                             Not for me

                                        


Details | I do not know? | |

When Bodda Boom ! Met - Bodda Bing !!!

Years had passed still I had every bit of reason to grasp/

That true essence of what he said/
Yet there was many thought's inside my head ?
Like the time I drove my big wheel into the yellow Ollie !
I was speechless in thought and deed

Still I never bothered to take heed/

All I wanted to do was just speed !
That's how Bodda Boom met with Bodda Bing !!!
You all know what I mean ?
I even could hear that sweet little bird sing/

Bodda used to be a good friend until when
Bing came strolling into the town/
Many thought the freekin guy was such a clown
So nobody wanted him around/

Today Bing resides right next to The Jersey Shore
Last I knew he lived with a whore ?
Yet who knew/
About that two timer Boom/

He's the spitting image of Jessy James/
Then with his face I'd like to rearrange !
How could he do that to such a beautiful lady !
She's better off settling for Wavy Gravey !

So it was back to the past,
We had every reason to grasp/
That day when Bodda Bing met up with Bodda Boom !
Yet who knew ?


Details | I do not know? | |

We belong together

        When I left I lost apart of me, It's still so hard to believe she's not worth it 
baby we belong together. I threw away all my other friends so we could be together but 
your not even happy with me how could this be we belong together? I spent 3 years on you 
for nothing and we were suppose to be something. How could you just walk out that door? 
How could you leave me here crying for more? How could you walk off and go marry her? We 
belong together. I couldn't sleep since that night when you walked out my life, I called 
and call and listen to sad songs on the radio. I always think of you and it's making it 
hard, your the one who left and i'm the one whose left here to mourn it's not fair that 
i'm left with this we belong together. She doesn't tuck you in tight and your always 
slipping off her mind she flirts with pretty much everyone. I saw her in the store 
kissing some other guy and you claim that i'm jealous of her. How could you say something 
like that when I had you first you walked out of my life and I didn't ever ask for the 
wedding ring back. Why are you constantly lying like a jerk with a big ego I just wanted 
you to know that we don't belong together. Maybe I was right when I wrote you a dear john 
letter, and slam the door in your face when I caught you with her. Though it hurts me 
deep inside I finally realized that we don't belong together. I can sleep at night 
without you by my side, I'm not lonely anymore. I only think of you when i'm on a date 
and I can smile and thank god that this one is nothing like you. We don't belong 
together.


Details | Narrative | |

Tax Time Blues

I am all confused about income tax credits 
Now you ask about something called debits? 
This is really driving me insane with a pain. 
Do I get interest at all for capital gains? 
What can I tell you about common stocks? 
Now liabilities and stockholder’s lock box, 
Is this really a case of stretching my brain? 
All this taxes take our money with no gain. 
Balance sheet increase, this just sounds crazy 
Income statement and loss, this is so hazy! 
It feels like my eyes are just filled with grain. 
Thank you the day is done and it was no fun 
Look at this accounting spreadsheet again? 
Help me lord, now I know I’m going insane! 


Comments:  This is a free verse narrative poem.  I had intended to make it a 
sonnet on taxation.  It was written during an income tax accounting class.  Input 
was received from several students.  Some thought it was really funny, and 
others thought it was very serious. It was read by the professor the week before 
finals and was very motivational.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Ebay Auction

He watches the ebay auction
with greed acrossed his face.
I try to get his attention
but he's staring into space.

He just keeps on "refreshing"
the screen with patient care.
It worries me to see him
when he's got that wicked stare.

It's addictive and I know it.
It pulls you in a spell.
You try to get away from it...
but...is it doing well??

Will we reach the reserve?
Does it look just right?
No, I can't come to bed right now...
My auction ends tonight!!


Details | Senryu | |

Did They Advertise

Did Oscar Mayer
advertise since the Weiner
twitter scandal broke?


Details | Free verse | |

Dream physics

The busier you look
The more important you may be,
On a day such as this.

Reckon with recognition or
Pout about clout or
Taking a turn to prove the worst

An object at rest remains at rest
An object in motion stays in motion


Details | Free verse | |

my hired help

Hire me a hitman to teach me the reasons to live life
i am suicidal and need some advice
Hire me a prostitute
to teach me how not to be martyred by my sex life of nasty men
to guide me toward the sanity that there is one out there for me 
and make saints out of these amends to the dead
Hire me a drug dealer
to come into my life to help me recover from dope
an oxymoron of sorts but if we can do it maybe there is hope
Hire me a conman to teach me the importance of truth
a liar of all liars who is desperately seeking my truth
of a secret he would be after only i could tell
Hire me a false prophet
to teach me everything i need to know about living in the present
and the consequences of focusing on every domino that could fall
in all the wrong directions
hire me a soldier
i dont care if its a navy seal
im sure he could teach me all about cowardice
when the threats around me become too real

and on center stage where i seemingly plan to fail to teach life lessons in this 
social experiment
lets see who wins which bets
and which identities stay hidden and which ones become friends
hire me a spy to teach me all about the importance of privacy
as i delve into these peoples lives delving into mine

The threat is real its do or die
this is the scene
and there will be a bribe to be made
for pulling off the perfect crime
it may not be last man standing
perhaps a place to get on the same wavelength
wash away the past
lead the horse to temptation

hire me these people
and a game for them to play where if they work together they share the spoils
and if im successfull they all walk away reborn yet empty handed
but what exactly here is my goal?


Details | Burlesque | |

Devil With a Rag

He's back
My nemesis,
Billy Mays,
Never does he fail
To amaze

Now pushing "Zorbees"
miracle rag,
And as I watch,
I start to gag

He's taken Vince's
Sham Wow,
And made it his
Holy Cow!

He copied his ad
Near word for word
This blazing scuz-bucket,
This worthless turd

I want to order an "Awesome Auger"
And pretend to be
Billy Mays' proctologist
And clean out this
Ass's ass
I think such a plan
Is first class

I'll get a medal of honor
That's for sure
Cause any more Billy Mays
No one can endure


Details | Couplet | |

On Flying Air Canada

If you have nothing good to say
Speak naught at all, so saith they
And so my poem must end here
I've nothing good to say, I fear


Details | Fibonacci | |

OLD STAGERS

Will
Wells
Fargo
get credit
for the Amex card?


Details | Rhyme | |

I Lost the Bet : Where's my Jet ?

I Lost the Bet : Where's my Jet ?


I went to Vegas made a bet
  takin' the cab: lost my Jet!  
Went  to settle up the score
What else is new? Lost some more!  
Nor did Blackjack go my way, 
I should have left early that day! 
I went to gamble; lost my shirt 
 Life's a shamble; now eatin'dirt     
I had a pocket full of cash      
sure was gone in a flash! 
played the craps; now eatin' scraps  
thought I was lucky, but to my surprise
  wasn't 7 or 11, it was snake eyes!  
  I'm sorry to say, I took the bet
you know how it goes;it's Russian Roulette 
I rolled the dice; I didn't think twice   
 went to Vegas lost my dreams; 
didn't stay away from the slot machines 
 Now I  pray for my shattered life;  
should have played Bingo with my wife!



McCuen Copyright October 2008


Details | Light Poetry | |

I'm So Broke I Can't Pay Attention

Good Golly
     Miss Molly
Lord's Done
        Miracle Spun
Lost Faith
     With Wait

Got Down
  Uttered Sound

Check Arrived
      Came Alive

Uncle Sam
       You  Da Man



Tribute To The
U.S. Postal Service

Also Entry For
Carolyn Devonshire's 
Believe In Miracles Contest


Details | Free verse | |

Heart

Although a tear drop should fall through the pavement floor

Shades of grass torn in its desirable stregnth;
Fragmentation of a whisper with no mere shoulder to cry.
Then fought back the tears in my head wishing dead
In solace the filter was then drained in its timely hue

Folded hands in glance of maze
Heart 
Through disillusion & mediocre response;
In caring we will know by any means necessary

With a soft shelter to cry amidst the inner sadness & pain
Let me be the first to explain;
Shattered dreams within midnight screams
Amidst the porch bell parchment;

Heart
In sadness the Summer Solstice will notice;
latent dreams inside will scream

Vanquished as if we haven't yet even noticed
A challenge awaits through its sign & gate
Still it is best to live by faith
We rationalize our existence on store bought suds

Chasing crystals in jars of clay
In grand illusion throughout the day
Chase dreams once again through my hair my faithful friend
Chosen asps in sulfur & dessensitization

One would stick like glue then were through;
A lone habitation within its vested spool
Shadows in the rise of morn if their is a challenge its as good as born
Socialized wandering wizards running wild in our streets

In viable degrade;
Shelter lies dormant again amidst its beckoning call
Through the heart we have lit the spark;
To the source we light the candle in the dark

Heart
Shaded grass in its viable mast across the grass;
No peril to hard to embrace its inner guise
The peril or disguise...


Details | Free verse | |

Truth

We each must believe in something to exist

Whether self is king or that in certain vice
To delegate a chance or that in some roll of the dice
Some our content in stoic & mundane
Wile others our frankly mentally insane

For the mighty God has done great things for me

Within pivotal yet fruitless gain or from borrowed chase
A reckless abandonment to an empty corpse shell
An angelic fervor of sorted chasm intact 
For stregnth comes in like a flood

Just suppose we just faintly disagree
This does not negate the real fact of spiritual equality
We each represent a stoic source in truth
Yet devided we sore vex call it a viable truce

Through a barrage in ample demonstrative approach to appease

For the mighty God has done great things for me
With painted stone freshly on the outside patio decorum intact
Tolerance is never an issue anymore
Set in stone its attributes deminish through a slight in hand

Hoping that someday soon we will surely live to understand

For the mighty God has done great things for me
With his mercies endure from age to age
Through frolic in twilight pasture
In ardent song within its smoked filled room laughter

This in effect prepares no one for the great here after?


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Promises

The spirit of the age has tempered vile degrade
In desolation it's will torn wild
We send vomit into letters exposed to loosened fetters
Strangers
Erupted in mass chaos in its plausible quest
The more we want so the more we in turn invest
We wait in idol fancy as some lost souls in Sid & Nancy
We hurt then tie the tube getting loose lube filled with screws
We plummage into a violent existance isn't it relevant?
We think were alone yet we never are cause God is still in charge
In social regard toward difficult matters that appease
We lose sight of love & social need
In foot steps drawn in the sand someday we may learn & understand
In columns of rescued menure pile in its claim
The world outside is totally insane
A casual encounter with a so called friend?
The next day you got Aids, now you got pain!
The choices we make to appease the mind
In columns of choiced red, blue & brown....


Broken promises through its shattered glass filled with pain
Broken promises  can easily drive a man insane
A court jester will amuse the crowd as long as there is an occasion
Perhaps society is in need of a break on a long awaited vacation?
Closed minded sentiments filled in vile affection
The novice gets hungry stops at his local 7 eleven
Promises made in the dark have come full circle into the light
Broken Promises with advant garde choices made in the night
Elaborate decorum in want of passage;
We last a minute & grieve as the savage!


Details | I do not know? | |

Doodah

Hello, I need a doodah, 
An idgy widgy thing
They come in orange, red or black
Tied up in yellow string
I don’t know if you sell them 
I only hope you do
The other shops don’t have them
They haven’t got a clue
One place, they had some whatsits
But they’re not quite the same
I’m terribly forgetful
I just can’t recall their name
If you have something similar
Then that might do instead
The colour does not matter
As long as it’s not red
Ok it’s not a problem 
If you haven’t got them in
But do you sell those thingys
They’re sort of long and thin.

© John W Fenn  10-07-2009


Details | Rhyme | |

WORKPLACE BLUES

There's not enough coffee for more than 2 per day.
There' not enough ink in my pen and it's only  8 a.m.
There is no time for friendly conversation with so much work to do.
I'm having another Monday -  and today is Thursday - sounds like another case of 
Workplace Blues.

Overslept and my meeting is at 9.
Got a pink slip because my meter ran out of time.
Walked around all day with unmatched shoes - this is a classic case of 
Workplace Blues.

Just got the news that my paycheck is short a dollar or 2.
Just got a call - the boss is looking for me and you.
Just want this day to begin again. 
Someone just asked, "Is it the weekend?
I need to escape the Workplace Blues.

Today is the day of my 25th year.
They found out I'm old and grey and need to retire from here.
I'm dressed in my very best and even have a smile that's new.
I'm finally retired from the Woprk place Blues.
No work! Now what will I do?


Details | Rhyme | |

Blue Collar Blues

I ain't got no money,
But I work my butt off,
Every single day.
I work so I can have a place to stay
All of the time, 
I work to get half of your dimes,
That you drop when you go down to flop.
Unlike you I never have time to watch the clock.
I got a degree that I don't use,
Because of the negligent leaders that you choose.
Unskilled labor aids the campaign.
You talk about me,
But you don't care to know my name.
I got skills:
But I have to pay the bills.
I want to be like you and cruise on a yacht.
I'm building what you bought.
I'm putting your house on a lot.
I'm scrubbing your pots.
I'm working as an indentured servant.
Hoping that I get what I'm deserving,
But for the time being: I'm slaving,
Dancing to my homemade tunes,
Complaining to colleagues, who are 
also on their knees praying for life
To get better, Singing strongly the 
Blue Collar Blues.

written 9-5-04
while still a college studenta


Details | Burlesque | |

Blue Plate Special

Wow!!  Mark-down in aisle 8.
Gotta run, I can't wait!!
Fight my way through 
the surging crowd,
Elbowing others is allowed...

Gotta save that 50 cents!
Sure do make a lot'a sense..
Broken rib, small price to pay,
Just think how  I saved today!!!

There's a pile-up of people,
A football player'd be proud,
Lots'a screaming,
They're awfully loud...

I see a manager smile with glee,
Hopin' the same would happen to me...
Retail's low pay and hours long,
But it's moments like this,
That make his heart full of song...

He can incite a riot, and 
crimes so foul,
Make people do things,
they'll even howl...

So, save your bucks,
Wait till there's no sale
And buy what you wish
Cause so nasty is the
world of retail


Details | I do not know? | |

a innocent man

Listen to me,
                         See reality for what it be,at times a mans mind need to be set free
giving the fact,their's so much on his back,that's why a good woman is needed
to keep him on track, no matter how hard he fight, destiny don't seem to do him 
right,but still he keeps on hoping, praying, fighting to stay strong,if he's granted 
one wish, send him where he belongs, not to be exiled and left along, as God 
is my witness, I will move on, for what they charged me with is wrong,  
I offered my friendship not my home, woman hurt me in the past, but they all are 
gone, what is left is a innocent man who needs not to be alone.


Details | I do not know? | |

Fast food lawsuit

After eating at McDonald's, I got fat.
I decided to sue them for that.
I ate egg McMuffins and Big macs all day long.
People say that I got myself fat and that suing McDonald's was wrong.

I break every chair I sit on and it drives me to tears.
I haven't seen my penis in over three years.
My attorney said I'd win but I lost.
McDonalds countersued and won and I hate to think of what it cost.

I had to sell all of my possessions and now I live in a cave.
My beard reaches down to my feet because I can't afford a razor to shave.
I was greedy and I paid the price.
If you're thinking about suing McDonald's, you'd better think twice.


Details | ABC | |

Master Pimp Meets the Ultimate Red Neck

A man walks by in a gray polyester suit 
He tells another man to call him Juice 
The other man in bright orange hunter's clothes, he looks bold and brash 
He tells Juice to call him Cold Hard Cash 
They sit at the bus bench to discuss a new business they want to start 
It all begins tomorrow around the corner at the local trailer park 
Cold Hard Cash tells Juice, this is my last 500 bucks, but what the heck 
It all started when the Master Pimp met with the Ultimate Red Neck 
Cold Hard Cash tells Juice, follow me, I will give you the grand tour 
Starting at my trailer on lot number four 
As they enter Cold Hard Cash's place, it smells like rotting potatoes 
Juice enters and slips on some cherry tomatoes 
Cold Hard Cash says here and hands Juice a plate of sauerkraut and dogs 
He tells Juice, if you stick around for supper, I will roast us some frogs 
Juice asks Cold Hard Cash, after we eat, can I be given the golden key to the 
park 
Cold Hard Cash, says let's go next door we will begin at Judy Starks 
Juice goes with Cold Hard Cash to interview their first employee in their line of 
money makers 
After the interview, Judy says yes, Juice comments, she's a real shaker 
At the next interview, the girl shows them why her picture used to be on Breck 
This all transpired when the Pimp Master hooked up with the Ultimate Red Neck 
Juice says we need one more so we can rotate them around the clock 
We will put them to work outside the laundry mat and liquor store, which are on 
the same block 
Cold Hard Cash asks what if one calls in sick 
Juice answers in a business voice, then one of the others will pull a double shift 
Juice points and asks what about this place 
Cold Hard Cash says you don't want to see her face to face 
Cold Hard Cash says she's the one they used to design Shrek 
Good luck with your business, Master Pimp and the Ultimate Red Neck 


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

Zombies Conquer Rites of Passage

Samantha feels like spider kill --
horribly alive, but stuck.
Stuck!
Inside the  web
functional furniture
desperate office art.
No windows, so no seasons.
Thank God her mind took protective, evasive
measures long ago.
She's unbudgeable.
She's prehistoric!
And it's a beautiful day in the land of, "Sorry. 
 I'm just a temp."

Everybody --
The whole crew,
tries desperately, unsuccessfully
to ignore the tight, inflexible Agatha Snipe.
She absolutely,
resolutely
refuses to dilate....
Thus, they are all dealing with a breech,
foot- first personality which has gone unchecked for years.
Sweet Jesus!
Samantha wishes fervently that Snipe would shut up!
But the Snipester stalks, steams and strides
through corridors and cubicles --
pressed, but still probing...
She is looking for her personal calendar
swearing it was on her desk yesterday...
Today... she is just swearing --a waste of breath for sure,
to ask the new girl....Amanda?
No!  That's right, Samantha.  Simple Samantha!

Samantha tries to keep
an unfortunately timed spasm of delight
from appearing on her face.
The calendar is excruciatingly visible,
marinatinag since early morning on the desk of Mr. Chase.
Owner.  
Snipe ponders and postulates.
She is losing it!
Time for new employment.
That should open up the door for that little tramp/temp.
Feeling comforted, superior, Snipe is...gone!

Maybe the Zombies go
about their quiet business
unseen
unheard
unwatched
but not quite dead, yet,
don't you think?


Details | I do not know? | |

a innocent man

Listen to me,
                         See reality for what it be,at times a mans mind need to be set free
giving the fact,their's so much on his back,that's why a good woman is needed
to keep him on track, no matter how hard he fight, destiny don't seem to do him 
right,but still he keeps on hoping, praying, fighting to stay strong,if he's granted 
one wish, send him where he belongs, not to be exiled and left along, as God 
is my witness, I will move on, for what they charged me with is wrong,  
I offered my friendship not my home, woman hurt me in the past, but they all are 
gone, what is left is a innocent man who needs not to be alone.


Details | Epigram | |

FAME

Success
in life today,
is but a fleeting pause--
no more than a few days 'twixt two
Sundays.


Details | Carpe Diem | |

it's about the economy

the rich, the poor and the middle class
an invisible subliminal system of caste
we are suppose to be a nation of freedom and opportunity
a democratic society based upon equality
but in all actuality
it's about the economy

to be wealthy and have anything you can afford
to be the CEO or the chairman of the board
to be rich and have enough money to pass
just a few steps above the upper middle class
those who have to go to work most everyday
yet they still receive a substantial pay
and the poor, what they call the working stiffs
barely getting by, hoping their finances will shift

it's about the economy
and how much you are worth
it's about the amount of money you have
in your wallet or your purse
don't be naive and think money does not matter
it's about the economy and the rich whose pockets get fatter

if you're wealthy your name is on the building
if you're rich it's on the door
the middle class' names are on their desk
but if your name's on your shirt then you're poor


Details | I do not know? | |

Voices in the wind

    A tear drop falling into space I hear you voice and I go crazy. It's something I 
can't explain. Maybe it's someone that sounds like you, But I can hear it and I know that 
it's you. At least that's what my mind tells me. I get all nervous and look your way, 
maybe this is a mistake because I could deal with that. I want you so much and then I 
don't want to see you again because I don't want to deal with it. Isn't that smart? I 
want you with my body and soul but then my soul plays tricks and I just want to let you 
go. I can't feel like this, this isn't natural. I wanted all of you and now i'm afraid. 
What if you did suddenly appear out of thin air and walk right over to me. I wouldn't 
know what to say I would be completely star struck, your now a star but in my heart you 
make me weak to my knees and I can't stop. Shivering, stuttering being around you can get 
me that way. Maybe it's not meant to be. Honestly please, I don't want to be that nervous 
wreck girl see what you do to me. I can't hold on and I can let go but then again this is 
me and as I hear you voice in the wind I faint.


Details | I do not know? | |

IN FAVORITES

OH SO NICE IT WOULD BE.
IF ALL POETS COULD SEE.
A SMALL COMMENT FREE.
IN SHAPE MAYBE OF TREE.

A SIGN.
WHEN  IN OUR FAVORITES.
YOUR POEM BE.
TO YOUR E-MAIL.
IT COULD GO.
LOVINGLY LETTING  YOU KNOW.
YOUR LOVED POEM.
IS ON THE GO.
JUST A LITTLE SIGN IT WOULD BE.
IT WOULD MAKE SO MANY VERY HAPPY.

MAYBE THE HEADS OF.
POETRY SOUP.
CAN SET SOMETHING UP.
AND LETTING US KNOW.
OUR POETRY .
IS IN TUNE..

POETRY PUT IN OUR FAVORITES.
THE WRITER WOULD KNOW.
IS LOVED.


Details | I do not know? | |

World's worst barber

(This is a fictional poem)
People hate me because I'm the worlds worst barber.
They have grudges that they harbor.
When I cut a little boy's hair, I accidentally shaved him bald.
His dad came in my shop and you should've heard the names I was called.
I gave the sheriff  a  haircut and I accidentally snipped off his ear.
He shot me in the crotch and put me in jail for a year.
I decided to save money by making my own shampoo.
But I got my scissors crammed up my nose when it turned a man's hair blue.
Some people came to my shop today and said that I can't be a barber anymore.
People would've been happier if they had done that years before.


Details | Free verse | |

Writing

          Talk to me, Don't you know your my everything. 
 
          I spend every waking moment with 
          you next to me. 

          I feel you and I heal with you, your what I do when I can't sleep at night.

          If there weren't room for you then I wouldn't know what to do your just apart   
          of me and sometimes when I feel weak I call on you. 

          I remember your words of wisdom and use them on paper to express how I
          feel. 

          It's real, it's right the way that it flows I need that feeling every night.

          Hold on tight for another wild crazy ride. 

          I'm good at doing you, your good at not controlling me. 

          Helping me to flow free in an unexpected way.

          You know all of my secrets before  I even know them.
 
          Sometimes you say dumb things and force me to erase you but when I really need
          you your always there for me.

          That's why when I finish a sentence it's perfect because you listen
          without judging me.
 
          All and all I want to be with you forever... your my passion and my love and if 
          I fell I know you would rescue me.


Details | Blank verse | |

The Trader's Song

Come,you women,children and men,
It's my life to trade!
Buy for twelve dollars,sell for thirteen,
And my profit is made.

Buying,selling,
Always more of my goods displayed,
Buy for fifty dollars and sell for sixty,
And my profit is made!


Details | Ballad | |

My Sweatshop

We open at 5 and close at sunset 
I expect a lot of production, I provide water and towels for sweat 
A complimentary lunch that comes in a can 
There is a choice of ham or turkey made from SPAM 
They love the conditions, so they don't want to stop 
I have many benefits owning my own sweatshop 
I have people making jeans and shoes 
My business, by the Department of Labor has been approved 
One girl is pregnant, but not by me 
Her parents put the blame on Cathy Lee 
Now another 16 hour shift has ended 
Immigration came through, my business license has been suspended 
They say I am the cause of tax evasion 
Oh well, I have enough money, time for a vacation 
I ask Cathy lee to meet me at the New Haven Truck Stop 
I need expert advice on how to run a sweatshop 
She has given me the advice I need 
She said don't use cotton, save money by switching to tweed 
She also said lower their wages 
For defiant workers, provide empty cages 
It all comes down to making your business the cream of the crop 
I got advice from the expert on how to run my own sweatshop


Details | Rhyme | |

Where's the Money?

Where’s the money I often say,
for the stack of bills I have to pay.

Work all day and through the night,
only to receive a paycheck that is light. 

Blood, sweat, and countless tears,
as the money quickly disappears.

Unfortunately there is never enough,
Which makes times quite tough.

Seems those who will lie and cheat in a flash,
have a never ending supply of cash.

But I strive to be a God fearing man,
living as clean and honest as I can.

So I wonder what I have to do,
or what must I go through.

Will I ever be able to get ahead,
before I am too old or even dead.

Never will I be a millionaire,
But God knows my every need and care.

Although where’s the money is what I say,
I know the answer is to fervently pray.








Details | Free verse | |

Voodoo Economics

I turn on the TV
lay my head back
and watch an economist
presenting a business report
he sounds more like a wizard
casting a spell with magical names
like Hang Seng, NIKKEI
Dow and NASDAQ

in a mad induced trance
investors gamble their savings
chasing after an illusive dream
of rags to riches, riches to power
then abracadabra like voodoo magic
one company merges with another
forming a faceless conglomerate
with a strange Orwellian name

in a surrealist nightmare
of unrestrained power and greed
the wizards of alchemy work their magic
but quicksilver remedies and snake oil
cannot stop the suffering of millions
who are doomed to live in a world
ruled by the lingering forces
of voodoo economics

* Penned by
Scarecrow Joe


Details | Burlesque | |

Merchant's Revenge

I had a boss once,
Who owned a
furniture store,
A rather odd fellow,
Of this I can assure

If an unreasonable
customer gave him
enough grief,
They were in trouble, for to his
relief,
He had their credit card
number on file,
And after an adequate
while....
They'd start getting
the oddest things
Cause that just was his style,

Strippers showing up at their work,
To make them look a jerk,
Sex toys too odd to own,
Delivered to their home,
400 roses, 10 cases of rum,
But this was not the sum,
Lots more for them would come,
On and on it'd go
Till they would surely know
Why 20 pizzas came their way,
Every other day.....

The best part, for him I sort'a knew,
Was that they'd paid for it all too!!!
And they never could quite guess,
Who, and why, was the pest!


Details | I do not know? | |

EVERY LITTLE BIT

He got a little here; he got a little there,
Gradually acquiring what he got.            
Several times a little is quite a bit,
And many times a little is a lot.
                                                  
He spent a little here; he spent a little there.
Never utilizing what he bought.
Several times a little is sufficient,
But plenty minus plenty is a nought.            


Details | Rhyme | |

Closer to a Grillionaire


There is a man who made a cool  Mill'..          

    all because of a Foreman Grill.     

Now, I hear through the grape-vine air      

this man is closer to a Grillionaire !


Details | Free verse | |

These Meetings

My Esteemed Comrades,
Fellow devotees of the Sacred Process -
It feels as though I've never left,
             As though we've always been here
             Around a table
             Inside a room
                                        No windows     No doors

Our collective voice falls on my ears
With all the pleasantry
Of sheet metal being slowly torn apart.

We have moved with all the expedition
Of snails racing across arctic tundra mudflats.

Our work is as relevant
As the growth of our toenails.

Our decisions as meaningful
As Babylonian algebra.

Our goals as clear as anyone's could be,
Before their Thorazine wears off.

This has been as much fun for me
As licking salt with a papercut tongue.

                I've grown to love these meetings;
                They define my life.
                I even dream of them.
               They are my answer to the great Koan of the Void.

So when I die,
Fill my emptied veins with coffee black as space.
Call a meeting with Supreme Chair God,
To discuss the agenda of my DNA -
Record the Minutes of my life,
Weigh their worth against the sands of time,
Submit them for Review and Approval
To the Creation Committee
Before the universe implodes and the whole thing starts again -

Establish Rules of Order for the Ritual Dance,
The Alpha and Omega Circle of Proceedure,
For the Beginning of the End of the End of the Beginning
Of the 
               Next
                           Eternal
                                            Meeting!


Details | I do not know? | |

Friendship will it last?

When I was falling you never let me hit the ground, I felt like I was on rock bottom and 
you helped me back up. All this time i've been searching for friends who like me for me. 
It's right in front of my eyes and I can almost reach I hope we don't fall apart summers 
looming just around corner. I know what can happen when you have nothing to do, Numbers 
get lost and no one calls. But I wanted this to last why does it always end like this? I 
wanted my happy ending. I hope everything turns out ok in the end, next year is coming 
soon and when I walk through the doors I hope we hug. I don't want this one to be like 
all the past friendships that i've had because it only leads to destruction and leaves me 
weak and I hardly talk to them anymore. I wipe my tears and leave and move on to another 
team and now here I am again hopeing that this one is final. This one is real enough to 
survive the currents that life throws. One time, one wish and here we are it's the end of 
the summmer and I have my pink ring on will you when I reach out to hug you?


Details | I do not know? | |

Pressure

He knows what he wants, the pressure is on.
I am uncomfortable with his aggressive ways.
"No" means nothing to him, It is just a challange.
My blood pressure is rising, Am I sweating?
How dare he use these tatics on me.
He thinks this is my first time, so he pleads and uses guilt.
I have heard his tired lines before, but this time it is much worse.
He presses and pushes.
I want him to go but he actually has something I may want.
Should I do it?
Is this right?
He tells me not to tell others.
Will I tell anyway?
Finally I ask him to leave, I ask again, Is he still here?
He will not budge.
He tries again. I erupt in anger.
I must make him go.......
He takes his leave after 3 hours.
Am I safe?
Will he return?
How I hate the High Pressure Sales Man.