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Free Verse Suicide Poems | Free Verse Poems About Suicide

These Free Verse Suicide poems are examples of Free Verse poems about Suicide. These are the best examples of Free Verse Suicide poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

Forgotten By Tomorrow

She stands at the edge of the precipice,
looking down towards her future.
The last tears that she will ever cry,
falling from her eyes, 
then falling into oblivion.
She watches them drop 
as they disappear forever.
Yet, she laughs in the face of death.
Would it really matter if she took the leap?
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.

The wind blowing at her back,
pushes her to the edge.
Almost agreeing with her final decision,
and encouraging her to jump.

A thousand thoughts and memories
racing through her mind.

Her first day of school.
Her tenth birthday party.
The lonely, awkward days of her teenage years.
The day she discovered poetry.
The moment she first saw him.
The day she thought that she was worth something.
The day when all of that became a lie.

Every memory 
that never made the pages of a history book.
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.

She exists to no one but herself.
In the blink of an eye, she decides her fate.
Her feet leave the ground,
and yet, she did not fall.
Out of nowhere he appeared,
and carefully grabbed her hand.
Pulling her back to reality,
saving her from the brink of disaster.
He held her, as her tears stained his jacket.
Old tears of sadness,
mixed with new tears of happiness.

She was remembered by yesterday.
Before she was forgotten by tomorrow.


Details | Free verse | |

The cutter



She went to sleep
closing her eyes
beginning to dream
of broken butterflies
tearing her lovely monarch wings
on faithless love that angels sings...

She finds shiny metal in kitchen sink
in an evening absent light
she finds peace in cuts of pink
watching crimson blood flow feels so right..

Starlight shines upon her tears
I whisper darling, you cannot bleed
all of your suicidal fears
at night when you begin to cry
I'll sing you a lover's lullaby..

My love do not wish that you were dead
dreaming of an absent pulse
laying on silken sheets bleeding red
I will offer love so do not bleed
give me your knife I am all you need...
~ ~ ~ ~


Details | Free verse | |

Plastic Siblings

Genial to avoid confrontation
Baseborn kind, complaisant character
A spurious recital, a cheap imitation
Apocryphal mind, and comical creations
Counterfeited Christ
An unholy effusion
Sons of Belial
Clutch arcane knowledge
Esoteric information

Delve into oracular verse.
Deadened faith
Recondite belief denuded denials
Portentous and abstruse
Divested of the truth
Desolate road
Traveled day after day
Seriatim in miles
Strangled in hyperbole
Hypothetical noose

Cheaply loose
Tightening
methodically

Suicidal salvation
Covertly clandestine
Do what art wilt
Deliver the chosen
indoctrinate guilt
Derision to the destined
To learn love over hate
Adoration to inculcate
Imbue their sick lessons.


Details | Free verse | |

A Grim Fairy Tale

I was born a girl
whose parent’s died.
Then given to others
whose social status was high.
Papa, the king, but died in war.
Mama, the queen, who didn’t marry more.
An eternal scowl upon her face
as she kept her daily pace.
Hair pinned high upon her head.
“Do this!” “Do that!” She constantly said
and when I’d do one thing wrong
she’d scold me, yelling “Cinderella!”, for hours long.
And once she was done with what she said
I’d get back to work again.
But one day I got fed up.
Ran up my tower and closed the door up.
My window, the only way out
but Mama barged in, stopping in mid-shout.
But I just turned back and smiled
and then I fell a thousand miles.
And I lay among the trees
my spirit, at last, forever free.


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide Prevention

Suicide prevention
just takes an ounce
of affection
Remembering we are
all humans and in
need

Smile at a stranger,
Don't lash out in
anger,
Forgiveness is
refreshing
In a world where
souls are meshing.

Talk to the world
And the world talks
back
Conversations hold
healing
Helping and hoping
There is so much to
be learned
Some may look strong
But its their way of
coping
Come clean and be
clever
Be a friend to
someone new
Smile at a stranger
And they might smile
right back at you.

It doesn't take much
to listen, respect,
applause,
comment, read, and
know
that a person is
there in that soul
and 
you have the power
to make that
person happy.
 If it is for a
split second, an
hour, a day, 
you never know how
much that would
mean, 
and why not give it
a try, 
what is being nice
gonna hurt, 
it might just be
what is needed to
keep someone 
from entering the
darkened road. 

Smile at a stranger.

A stranger may smile
at you.

:) you are loved 
always remember that
:)


Details | Free verse | |

Dont Die

Smile! but i want to die. but how can i take my life 
when god sacrificed his life and we shall have life and have 
it more abundantly .. LIFE .
that simple word that you can change, it all depends how you live.
you know, life has many challenges that you face, but its up to you to embrace 
that love from above! his gentleness is like a dove, everlasting is his name, and 
you take life as a game? 
YEAH, you can always choose how you want to play, but TODAY, 
you will change that thought of suicide, and push those tears aside, and 
remember, god is ON your side! his not like chris, john, bob, billy, or even  
Lucifer ! yeah LUCIFER .. 
does that name ring a bell ? not being a pastor but i decree and declare that we 
SHALL, not want to die, but stay alive! .. i dont care what the circumstance is, i 
know who GOD is, and i WILL let him live in ME ! 

                                  Al'dayja Selby (A.T.S)  


Details | Free verse | |

Voices

Water trickles on her wrists
Wiping away the blood 
Wiping away the pain caused by so many others
The voices in her head are screaming for her to kill herself 
Telling her to forget about the small amount of hope she still holds on to 
For that hope is the only thing keeping her alive
She feels as if everyone around her don’t see her 
They see her as broken, something that can’t be fixed
But everything can be fixed it may not be perfect
But it still holds value
In this case the value of a person’s life
Someone who didn’t deserve the way she was made to feel 
She had people tell her ‘I hope you die in your sleep’
Or people saying she was better off in a coffin
These words she started to believe so after so many years of hoping she gave up 
She gave in to the voices in her head
That night she went in to her father’s study and took out his handgun 
She held it to her head and with tears streaming down her face she pulled the trigger
Her parents woke in a fright and ran to the study 
To find her limp, cold body lying on the floor, hoping that what they saw wasn’t real 
That there baby girl wasn’t gone
They blamed themselves for not seeing how much pain she was in 
For not noticing her when it mattered.


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide

She silently prays as she reaches for the chord

Wonder why the Iman didn't do this

I wanted paradise here and the quiet is deafening

Tick tock tick tock and her heart.......

She hasn't tried makeup as she keeps step to her thoughts

Outside of the mosque she awaits her destiny and strangers

They are mine enemy and thirteen hundred and eighty years

Young Mohammed and his brown eyes with smiles

Tick tock and the tick tock

When will that bell toll and the brown eyes that smile

The men get seven virgins and I am one

United States soldiers on patrol march by and the prayer

" Allah Akbar,"

She is torn and the mosque crumbles

A child screams as he holds a hand with no arm

And a car silently burns as people bleed

The mothers last thought is no pain and the hand


Details | Free verse | |

My Hell

I fall down
deeper and deeper
into oblivion
nothing
only darkness.
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
slithering farther
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
my veins
into each cell
turning them against
me
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hug me
covering me
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
falling deeper
only down
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
love
they are hurt
hurting
by me
I have betrayed them
left them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
sick
new thoughts
 every second
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
becoming dimmer
fading fast.
all a game
for one person
the puppeteer
the ringmaster
the man in the
mask
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
he laughs
I can't see him
but he is there
everywhere
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
the knife
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
surely
the sound is mangled
twisted
young
desperate
hopeless
mine
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
still falling
only black do I see
the evil
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
my innocence
my purity
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
weightlessness
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
this abyss
for eternity
restless
empty
yet full
filled with misery
my worst fears
come back
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
the darkness
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
my skin
being sliced
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
my legs
my arms
my stomach
my face
my neck
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they too
are damned
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
blue
yes blue
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
white
I look sick they say
oh, no
they say
oh, no
they see the bottom
be ready
they say
be ready.
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
unforgiving
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
they jump
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
no mercy
moving faster
the drum
keeping them steady
pounds faster
picking up tempo
searching
searching
until
they found it
they found
my heart
my soul
the music does the talking
it says to hush
hush now
slow down
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
just stop
they say
just stop
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
a message
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up
it says
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
it says
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
why dream?
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I smell
something burnt
burning
oh, no
I know what
that smell
it is flesh
not mine
surely
but belongs to someone else
someone close
they too
they smell of dirt
sinners burning
dead
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
nothing more
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
the black
I see something
darker
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
they play
they sing
they dance
they laugh
I fill with evil
hatred
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
then
without warning
I hear him
laughing
my pain
is his pleasure
oh so dark
it's over
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
these creatures
these beasts.
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
maybe
just maybe
it would be better
down here
instead of up there.
it's not.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
ever be.
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
here forever,
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?


Details | Free verse | |

Hounds from Hell

Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
alone;
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.

Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.

Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.

-10/14/2013-


Details | Free verse | |

Angel of Death

Angel of Death,
Cloaked in black.
With black scaled wings,
Upon her back.
Angel of Death,
Coming for me.
As soon as I sleep
Then dead I will be.
Taken by the night
It swallows and consumes me.
Now I am the angel
And death becomes me.

2003-2004
7th Grade


Details | Free verse | |

Understanding Suicide Understanding Me

Understanding Suicide Understanding Me

Awhile back I had a dear friend contact me to ask if I heard about the young mans suicide at a nearby towns school. I had not. After asking one time on face book if any one of my friends had heard of any such event. My wall began to fill up with details about his life and his personality. His struggles and even previous attempts to end or erase his existence.

He was described as having dreamy eyes by female classmates when he was younger. He was described as the most polite and well mannered but troubled child one person said they had ever met.
Memories of my own changing years flooded my soul as I thought about it all. I did a school report in what they called then Junior High. And my chosen topic was suicide. I've often asked myself why I chose that topic. Today will be one of the very few times I admit it was on my mind a lot during that period of my life. It wasn't because my home life was unbearable. It wasn't because I had no friends or because my young heart had been broken.

In fact I'm only just now realizing it had almost nothing at all to do with my surroundings. It was something within me. Fear certainly had a part to play. Fear of tomorrow. Fear of never really feeling like I fit in. Even though by all outward appearances I was adjusting as well as the majority of people my age.

There was then and sometimes even now this voice. This relentless cruel and demeaning voice always there to remind me. I'll never be good enough. I will always only get what I deserve and that's why I'll never have anything that lasts. Anything that is true. And truly mine.

I was only given a passing grade for my report on suicide because it was obvious the amount of time and effort I put into it. I was told the topic I chose was wrong for a jr high school project. I had failed again. All of that after listening with blood pumping that we could choose our own topic. Somehow my choice wasn't good enough.

I realize now that my very choice for a topic should have sent off bells and whistles throughout the school that one of their own was thinking thoughts of suicide. But they missed it. They didn't see me at all.

Today I don't know why I chose that topic. But I know that one result of it was the saving of my own life. The understanding I gained by being able to see inside the mind that is tormented by unanswerable questions all starting or ending with why? And the realization that to the troubled mind the ultimate answer to fix the most un fixable things.
Is to end it.

This is the point when discussing suicide where fools love to chime in un researched and selfish insensitive remarks revealing their opinions and the fact that they are a fool. 
 A wise man knows only what he knows.
And he does not pretend to have already been where he never hopes to go.

People often consider suicide to be a selfish act. Sometimes referring to it as a cowards way out.

I hate that. And I hate anything that tries to simplify something as complex as a human mind that has reached it's breaking point.

The fact is that to the person in the midst of that struggle. It is the most unselfish and heroic thing that they think they could do.

My point is, that it was my understanding of suicide. It's effects and it's consequences that kept me from crossing that line.

After all the details of this young life surfaced and several hours later my dear friend and I talked again. And without saying it I know she was asking about this path I'm on with my poetry. The tributes to loved ones that have died. The heartache and the heartbreak that I see every day sometimes all day long.

And she asked me. Does all the sadness ever get to you? I responded Absolutely.
There are times I struggle beneath its weight. Sometimes I fall. But somehow I manage to get up again and I keep writing and sometimes when I'm lucky I see someones reaction to a poem where all of a sudden they get it. A life changing revelation takes place in that moment in time. And for a minute. 
I win.

I know the reason I'm alive is to help other people live.

And to find the fullness in their life that I may or may not ever find for myself. It's no longer about me. Because you see somewhere back there that part of me that wanted so badly just to die.

I let it die. And I moved on but not me as I was. A different me. Weaker in some ways and stronger in others. Less proud but more to be proud of. More easily overwhelmed but less breakable.

And so when you see me on the mountaintop and I'm strutting around acting like I belong there. Please. Just let me have that one moment. Because tomorrow I'll be back with the mountain on top of me. Trying to find another way to save someone from going where I have been and hoping to enrich other peoples lives even if it means I know I'm simply going to be passed up along the way.

My reward is you rising above my highest point. My fee for my services? That you never forget how valuable you are. And that you keep pushing forward and never give up.

If you forget me tomorrow. That's ok. But don't forget the things I said.  And don't forget to help someone else along the way.

.

God Bless

Heart Whisperer Ed Hofert @ facebook

Edwin C Hofert


Details | Free verse | |

Shotgun Lovesong

Let's play a game
of Russian Roulette.
I'll go first,
you can pull the trigger.
Look me in the eyes
as the muzzle 
nuzzles
the temple of my skull.

Fire.

I'll probably be fine,
more than alright in fact, 
as I watch you
watch me
remain alive.

It'll look like you love me.
It'll look like you care.


Details | Free verse | |

Fallen Angles

Bang, there goes another.
Another life, another meaning,
Gone. Gone like the rain in the desert
Never to return.

It’s the sad truth that our children
Our teenagers

Cannot live in harmony together on our Earth.
We turn to the isolation.
To the pain.
To the self-hatred and the bitterness.
But what do we gain?

Our lives are not statistics.
We do not deserve this belittling
We do not deserve this treatment.
And yet we still take it all in stride.

We fall and we fall but it never seems to end.
And so we take everyone down with us in the long run.
When will we learn to grab hold,
and stop this incessant falling,
this constant drowning in our thoughts, in the shouting words of others?

Bang, there goes another.
A lost purpose, a lonely child.
Never to see themselves better than the ugly words of others
ever again.


Details | Free verse | |

The End

You are my apocalypse,
in your eyes I first glimpsed the end of the world.
I craved the destruction in your lips.
(I was well aware this was killing me slowly.)

Our love is my suicide,
my manifesto, so to speak.
You named my pain and told me it'll never fade.
You became the only way to numb it.

You're draining me, I know.
Consuming my mind and body with a well-time crooked smile.
I'm beginning to wonder if I mean a thing to you,
or if I'm just the means to your end.

Alone together we gasp for a cure,
thinking we belong simply because we don't.
Forcing together our broken hearts,
bandaging our scars to fake being complete.

You're messed up and I'm messed up
and this world is messed up, too.
So let's pull the trigger and cross the wires,
hands clasped together, we are the end.


Details | Free verse | |

It's Falling

It's not suicide,
it's falling.
Falling hopelessly,
helplessly into that dark place.
The one you've covered up for so long.
The one that is hidden behind your smiles and laughs and rehearsed joy.
For so long you've waited,
everyday only getting closer and closer to the edge.
You cut and bleed, hurting yourself because somehow, 
someway it helps with the pain.
When things are good, they're bad.
When things are bad, they're horrible.
The pain of day to day life can be only so tolerated.
'Till that day when the cutting, 
poking,
prodding, 
and bleeding doesn't help anymore.
And you finally fall.
You slip so effortlessly into that dark hole,
where there's no room for light. 
Nothing but the final escape from that bitter pain.
Freedom.
As it gets darker and darker, you can see the light.
Not a light of something better, but a light that it's all over.
It's like a continuous rabbit hole,
never ending.
Until you hit the bottom and you're gone.
It's not suicide,
it's falling.


Details | Free verse | |

The Bridge

As I stand tentatively on this ledge,
I begin to wonder
if they'll bother to dredge.
I doubt it,with a river so wide,
not for yet,another suicide.
Then I contemplate the rivers depth
and how it undoubtedly
will steal my breath.
As my legs begin to tremble,
I look back at how my life did resemble.
As I'm thinking of my final seconds,
a hand,quite close,
waves and beckons.
I go to jump and end it all
but something grabs me 
and stops my fall.
Several saviours are now pinning me down.
Why did they stop me?
I wanted to drown.


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide Child

I can't remember if the sun was shining
Or if the clouds looked down on me as I stood 
A child of ten standing on a window sill 
Whispering to himself he should

It started shortly after I woke
Distant where the trigger was
I'm guessing just the overflow
of everything they did and said

Finally ground down by all around
And though I'd fought for years 
Death becomes a friend
When she's the only one there for you

Knowing I would soon be in the playground 
Where no nurse could make better the names they cruelled 
Knowing my mothers boyfriend was down stairs 
Waiting for his latest vile whim to unfold

My mind consumed by every name called
I was not the same they proved 
Alone in my crowded thoughts
T o death I looked for belonging

As I dressed my imagination dreamt
What could happen today? 
Exploding into the unknown 
My strength rapidly dissolved
I could see no directions 
that didn't lead to another painful day

As my journey to the end begun
All they told me loading the gun
All that made me different from
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge of no return

In front of the mirror I stood
Cut off my curly hair
No longer the golliwog
That their taunts would compare

I covered my skin in talcum powder
As I didn't want to be
That horrible thick coon
he always called me.

My hair a mess
My colour unmasked
Tired, Frightened, alone,
I decided enough, enough

Standing on the window sill
The last bastion for survival colliding inside 
As the exhausted wishes to hang on
Were overcome by the desperation to escape this hollow excuse for life

No single tear a cry for help
As id learnt they choose not to hear
I urge myself towards an end to the hurt
where the crying would clear

As I engulf my mind in my final moments
And call for death to take my hand 
From across the road a woman called 
To this day she probably doesn't know she saved my life

Tears unintentionally
Created rivers down talcum powdered cheeks
But my mother didn't laugh 
when she found me

I guess that's where you'd expect everything to be made right 
I guess that's where I learnt to no longer believe
Through every promising word in the wake of what could 
They didn't do what they should


Details | Free verse | |

SUICIDE

You close your eyes because of excruciating pain, 
blood flows down your arms, 
images of light flash before your brain. 
Your body gets weak as you fall to the floor, 
leaving your body behind, 
Your pain is no more. 
In a small dark space now, people crying above. 
Wondering what went wrong, everyone thought that you knew you were loved...
Crushing your parents dreams of seeing there baby girl grow and become a wife.....
Leaving them with grieving questions of what hurt there angle so bad she'd take her own 
life...... 
suicide..... It's not a joke its a cry for help...
Look for love, affection, or attention some one may lack. 
Suicide, is death there is no coming back.....
Open your heart, open your eyes, look around.... keep our people alive...


Details | Free verse | |

Felo-De-Se Dream

I just drank a fifth of vodka
A lot on my mind
I start crying
But not because I'm sad or scared
It just feels like I'm supposed to
Razor blade in my hand
Ready to cut my flesh
First I slit my neck
Then both wrists
See the blood drip
Feel it running down my skin
Hear it hit the floor
Smells great
One taste & reality hits
Blood is gone
No cuts
Or tears
A voice says,
"This is your future"
Then I wake up


Details | Free verse | |

Devil's Hidden Ranch

DEVIL'S HIDDEN RANCH

Coyote howl, dogs growl
Gunshots, dead cow
Red barn left unlock
Horse shoe upon death's door
Tequila in a cup
Salt of cocaine, shadows of insanity
Guitar string, sad song
Bandit near the door, wife on the floor
Hallucinating---Reality
Yelling out her name, he's gone insane
Loaded gun, life is done
Far and near ending his intoxicating fear
The road under the sun
A coward in his path
Responding to the Devil's wrath

In a Hidden Ranch in Mexico!!!!!!
       
:)   SKAT


Details | Free verse | |

Love, Death, and Rebirth

The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Her father. 

Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.

She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left 
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too. 

She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before 
And growing darker day by day 
But she wouldn't let that stop her. 

Suddenly a year had passed... and then two 
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
Anyone...

With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries 
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light 
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand

The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives 
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.

She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
It would.

So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself

She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it 
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.

That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late 
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.

She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared,  and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying

Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn

Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!

And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here

So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?


Details | Free verse | |

Take me to the countryside

Take me to the countryside 
where all the daffodils grow
fresh perfume saturating the air
dispersing sensational aroma
in the atmosphere.
Take me to the countryside
to inhale the balmy fragrance
of mother earth,
to walk on grassy lands
and hold each other hands.
Take me to the countryside
to gaze at the swaying trees, 
and listen to them humming breathlessly 
 in the chilly breeze.
enchanting birds singing in the gusty afternoon,
dancing vigorously to their melodious  tune.
Take me to the countryside 
where all the natural things grow,
tangerine, oranges , banana and  kiwi fruit.
homemade yogurt ,sweet yam
and fresh milk from grandpa’s lamb.
Take me to the countryside
to coalesce with earthy peasants, 
to run up and down the cornfield 
and waddle through onion beds.
Soak me in nature, 
and replenish my aching soul
purge my agonizing wound,
and distill my sorrowful tune.
My soul yearns for spiritual fulfillment
to drown the chaos from the external environment,
mineral water and running streams,
strumming guitars and melodious flutes
are singing harmoniously,
and whispering the truth.
lead me to a place of comfort,
a place where I can breathe,
a place of beauty and incomparable dreams.
Take me to the countryside
to mingle with the animals,
to go horseback riding,
and camp on the mountain top.
Take me away from this hopelessness,
to a place of peace and quietness.
Take me away from this desolation
and find away to solve this confusion.
I want to be free,
free from this burden and misery,
so take me with you before you leave.
When I close my eyes and count to three
at the sound of the whistle
I charge you to set me free.


©2013 Christine Phillips


Details | Free verse | |

If I Were Stronger

If I were stronger
I’d say a permanent goodbye
To life
To strife
To misery
To pain
Ah…..the pain

No, it’s too hard
Too damn hard
Too hard
Damn
Damn 
Hard

They tell me to be grateful
For all that I have
And I am
I am
But they don’t see
They don’t hear
The voice inside
That torments me
The demon of my failures
That accuses me
I’m not good enough
I was never good enough
For the world
For myself
For you

Perfectionist’s nightmare
Striving for the ideal
But all I see
Are broken people
Cracked hearts
Baggage not willing to be let off
At any station
Because though it is so heavy to carry
It's familiar
It offers "security"

No, life is too hard
Pills help
Friends help
Family help
God helps
But what is the use
When I tear down
With my own hands
I tear down
Walls of comfort
Of love
I bleed
I grieve
For the woman I used to be
The woman with dreams
Ideals
Walking along the rosy pathways
Of life
Not seeing the thorns
Believing
Always believing
That true love
Will win the day

There is no TRUE love
I challenge you
Find me the source
Tell me where it abides
Where it hides
Tell me
IF you know
If you can honestly say
Your heart has never been torn
If you can look me in the eye
And say you have never lied
You have never strayed
Never betrayed
With your heart
Your words
Someone who loved you
To distraction
And beyond

Forgive me….
It’s nighttime
I’m weak
I wait for the dawn to come
When I can swallow the pill
That brings me happiness
Makes the world that rosy place
Where I can again dance
And smile
And yet I know in my heart
It’s not really me
There is a me no one sees
The woman behind the face
In a lonely place
Longing...

To say goodbye

Eileen Manassian Ghali 


Details | Free verse | |

While the animals were sleeping

His love 
was above 
the pain
from the 
stained glass 
and aftermath
of abuse

he cradled me
while disabling
reasons

he'd say 
shhhhhhhh
the animals love you.
and if you stop crying
they'll come 
and sing to us

I 

inhaled his breath
and believed that 
if I breathe invitation
i'd hear 
the wild wolves 
howl while they prowled 
around us..

He said..
it's not us they hunger
they seek the thunder
under the same sins and stars..

I 

felt special 
and for just a few minutes
felt the devils arms around me..

I 

believe that 
the rain washes us clean.

then one day 
early

too early

jesse was alone
the animals were sleeping..
as it rained

he blamed himself 
for the health 
of a sick earth...

got the bible 
and his gun

closed his eyes and sung
to god.

as we scurried the floor
to gather his brains
and tried piecing his head 
back together

i

sat back against the wall
and tasted the blood 
of an angel...

my finger still lingers
the scent...

 

 

 


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide Letters

Suicide letters
Or love notes to death
I an not sure what to call them
I have read so many
From my friends of course
Saying they are sorry
How they just couldn't take it any longer
How their sorrow swallowed them
The depression gripping tighter
That's what depression does
It chokes out the life in you
My best friend suffered for a long time
For at least 5 years
Until she wrote her love note to death
I still remember the erratic text scrawled on the page
The pain in each sharp edge of the harsher letters
Like T, K, and L
Each edge cutting me 
Like the blade that ended her life
Like the blade stained blood-red
I don't use knives anymore
I don't even keep them in my house
My ex boyfriend Mike
Wrote his love note
To me and Death
I sat on the floor sobbing
As he told me he loved me
But couldn't take the pain
As he went on and on about the tragedy he faced
How I brought the only light he knew into his life
How I should never forget him
And I don't 
I still pass his house everyday
I still look for his car
I still have the bottle of painkillers he took 
It's empty of course
I just suffer through pain now
I don't want to go like he did
I miss him
Along with my best friend
But like I said they both had love letters to Death
So Death soon fell in love with them


Details | Free verse | |

the Rose


                 The Rose innocent white, soft pink, yellows 
                colors touch your soul vibrant red to amethyst

                enhances beauty yet a thorn awaits to break skin
                as life does piercing your heart with a thin pin.

                My life has shed drops of blood through each petal
                 as if in return for the love and beauty you feel

                hence pain underneath patiently waits the bloodletting ~

                The rose symbolizes love yet vulnerable to hold
                for when you open your heart it can be left bleeding

                The best of surgeons can not beat your heart
                It is the inner faith and God himself whom gives strength 

                whispers in your ear you shall live you will exist
                your life meaningful as the water and sun to the rose

                 For I am your God  your existence is not over yet .
                        You must Live ~You must Bloom 
                       
                 


Details | Free verse | |

Life is so precious, so hard to keep

Life is so precious, so hard to keep.
Daddy died, a baby were discovered.
Secretly growing in my young daughters body.

A mixture of all cultures, all races but my first chance at a legacy.
The clashes in the mixture were brutal.  
The blows were deep.  
The killing words, the verbal harassments, the evil projected onto white faces.  

A beautiful child, chubby cheeks, vibrant smile, loving nature searching to be accepted by those she loved.  Asking little with so much to offer.  

Oh how I love that child.  
I want to protect her.  
I want her to be safe.  
I want her to know that someone loves her unconditionally.  

But it is not about me..
She is now an adult...
I have no right to her business...
I can not save her life. 

 Whether this love can be transmitted over thousands of miles is the question.  
Whether she feels this love...and the love of God that can pull her through.  

My beautiful child. 
 Please find that strength. 
 Please recognize the beautiful person you are.  
Please live.


Details | Free verse | |

A Survivor's Guilt

My God!My God!
Why have you forsaken us?
Even now the whisper of wheels
On the track
Convulses me with tears.
What more could I have done?
Where did I fail?

You, the least selfish of men,
Dedicated to your students and staff,
Devoted to your family,
Committed the most selfish of acts.
By locking us out,
You locked us
Into a cycle of torment and pain 
And we never saw it coming.

Worries you brought home
But you chose not to share them
Shrugging off my pleas
You did not want to worry me,
So you said

You dulled your tortured  mind by
Taking solitary refuge in the bottle
And you began slipping away from me.
I tried to batter the door down
With angry words and tears  
As my frustration mounted

Did the children notice our bitter rows?
Was it then the seeds were sown?
You fled to your mother's house
For the balm of her love
More forgiving than a wife's
And there I hoped you would find 
The peace your troubled heart craved.

With your mother you returned
And she soothingly said,
"It will take time."
I saw the fear   in her eyes
Though her faith was strong.

That night you said the sofa would be your bed
"Give me time"were the last words I heard
Strangely I slept soundly 
But when I awoke
I crept downstairs 
To find you
And the car gone.

Frantically I phoned 
And your mobile rang
From the depths of the sofa.
Then I saw your letter
On the cleared coffee table
Stark and white.

You begged our forgiveness.
You said this would spare us pain
And you bade me 
Look after the children.
Stunned and silent
Your mum and I sat 
In dread

Time froze

When the constables came
With their carefully composed compassion
We knew it was just beginning
You had ripped away the veil of the temple
And the tomb was empty.

You had shorn your lambs 
Of their innocence
And inserted a sliver of ice 
In their hearts

Now I am faced 
With the curse of Greek tragedy
Since I must spend my time 
Trying to melt that ice
Before it hardens 
Irrevocably


Details | Free verse | |

THE LAST ACT

“Hello, sweetie, what’s your name? 
Would you like some lollies?
Or my huge brown sugar cane?
Such a nice little girl!
Who’s your daddy
talking to?
What is he doing leaving you to play with yourself?
Are you scared? 
Sad?
Lonely?
It’s alright, honey, you’ve got me.

I’ll ride you 
to the top of those rainbow hills
where pink unicorns and flying octopuses live.
I’ll take you 
where the stars align, and the sky is velvet with glamour.
All my care is you and all my pleasure yours.
Hands,
Put yours in mine
I will show you the world.”

“Sir, you promised me wonders 
Yet I’ve felt nothing but pain.
Please send me back home to my family
where we first began.”

“If life were that simple, I wouldn’t have needed you
Should’ve known better than talking to strangers
Oh now you do!
Did it never occur to you that all is just a silly game?
The one that loses is also the one who gained.
Next
to you I lied.
I filled you
with sweet words, and finally made you come. 
You’re my one in many conquests,
I your priceless lesson. 
Now I’ll make you scream till you pass out,
still no-one will hear your cries.
I might as well kill you.
I might as well die!”