She stands at the edge of the precipice,
looking down towards her future.
The last tears that she will ever cry,
falling from her eyes,
then falling into oblivion.
She watches them drop
as they disappear forever.
Yet, she laughs in the face of death.
Would it really matter if she took the leap?
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.
The wind blowing at her back,
pushes her to the edge.
Almost agreeing with her final decision,
and encouraging her to jump.
A thousand thoughts and memories
racing through her mind.
Her first day of school.
Her tenth birthday party.
The lonely, awkward days of her teenage years.
The day she discovered poetry.
The moment she first saw him.
The day she thought that she was worth something.
The day when all of that became a lie.
that never made the pages of a history book.
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.
She exists to no one but herself.
In the blink of an eye, she decides her fate.
Her feet leave the ground,
and yet, she did not fall.
Out of nowhere he appeared,
and carefully grabbed her hand.
Pulling her back to reality,
saving her from the brink of disaster.
He held her, as her tears stained his jacket.
Old tears of sadness,
mixed with new tears of happiness.
She was remembered by yesterday.
Before she was forgotten by tomorrow.
Anarchy and misery whispered
so softly only she could hear them.
Throwing crab apples drew attention
like running feral between cars,
like remapping streets which never gave
adequate directions or a single landmark
to show her the way home. Mother loved
the shell her baby bird had long ago broken,
a mourning dove cooing for soft pieces,
each scattered peep. Breath, the only thing
that was hers. Oh, the relief to snatch back
a bored sigh, lock it in, deny escape.
A-gore-rhythms and Form-you-la’s, school’s
strangle hold methodology of mind control.
Skip to my Lou. Skip class. Skip through
rush hour traffic. Still, no one understands.
No one speaks the language of Ash(ley).
Purge-atory is no fantasy.
Every day, the same losses:
possibility, sensitivity, civility. Hey guards,
listen to all the things she'll never say.
Words, what are they but manufactured
strings of disappointment that she chokes on?
The entire world babbles platitudes
and lawyers’ lies and vulgar chastisements.
Why speak, why waste a single breath?
They fling their crap, so she returns
the favor, knowing they will not
translate her message. They use verbs
like pepper spray and cavity search and
solitary confinement. She is nineteen,
but the numbers don’t add up, redo
the equation. Just don’t ask questions
or try to hurt yourself. Just?
Again, she feels the noose
close her throat, smiles at her secret
antidote, the open doors of unconsciousness.
A caress, this burn against the neck,
again and again, saved and saved
and saved, as though they’d noticed
the flame’s gone, as though someone cared
she’d become soot, ash, ashes.
Ashley? Ashley to ashes to ash
to dust, just dust. Just? Just. Death.
About this Poem
Ashley Smith was a troubled teen who would run into traffic, scream at people, cut classes.At 15 year, she was incarcerated for throwing crabapples at a mail man, this led to behavior which kept her in prison. She defied the system, threw feces at guards, refused to comply and strangled herself many times a day. Ashley was restrained in a chair for as long as 8 hours, forced to sleep on mattress-less bed frame, pepper sprayed, tazered and kept mostly in segregation. She would bang her head against the floor until she bled, told a phychologist she felt suicide was her only hope. She was moved 17 times between 8 facilities in only 9 months. On October 17, 2007, Ashley, aged 19, hung herself in her cell as guards merely watched, having been ordered to only intervene once she STOPPED breathing. Her death was filmed. There is currently an inquest into Ashley’s treatment and suicide. For more information-
May change come.
May change come, now.
She went to sleep
closing her eyes
beginning to dream
of broken butterflies
tearing her lovely monarch wings
on faithless love that angels sings...
She finds shiny metal in kitchen sink
in an evening absent light
she finds peace in cuts of pink
watching crimson blood flow feels so right..
Starlight shines upon her tears
I whisper darling, you cannot bleed
all of your suicidal fears
at night when you begin to cry
I'll sing you a lover's lullaby..
My love do not wish that you were dead
dreaming of an absent pulse
laying on silken sheets bleeding red
I will offer love so do not bleed
give me your knife I am all you need...
~ ~ ~ ~
Genial to avoid confrontation
Baseborn kind, complaisant character
A spurious recital, a cheap imitation
Apocryphal mind, and comical creations
An unholy effusion
Sons of Belial
Clutch arcane knowledge
Delve into oracular verse.
Recondite belief denuded denials
Portentous and abstruse
Divested of the truth
Traveled day after day
Seriatim in miles
Strangled in hyperbole
Do what art wilt
Deliver the chosen
Derision to the destined
To learn love over hate
Adoration to inculcate
Imbue their sick lessons.
I was born a girl
whose parent’s died.
Then given to others
whose social status was high.
Papa, the king, but died in war.
Mama, the queen, who didn’t marry more.
An eternal scowl upon her face
as she kept her daily pace.
Hair pinned high upon her head.
“Do this!” “Do that!” She constantly said
and when I’d do one thing wrong
she’d scold me, yelling “Cinderella!”, for hours long.
And once she was done with what she said
I’d get back to work again.
But one day I got fed up.
Ran up my tower and closed the door up.
My window, the only way out
but Mama barged in, stopping in mid-shout.
But I just turned back and smiled
and then I fell a thousand miles.
And I lay among the trees
my spirit, at last, forever free.
just takes an ounce
Remembering we are
all humans and in
Smile at a stranger,
Don't lash out in
In a world where
souls are meshing.
Talk to the world
And the world talks
Helping and hoping
There is so much to
Some may look strong
But its their way of
Come clean and be
Be a friend to
Smile at a stranger
And they might smile
right back at you.
It doesn't take much
to listen, respect,
comment, read, and
that a person is
there in that soul
you have the power
to make that
If it is for a
split second, an
hour, a day,
you never know how
much that would
and why not give it
what is being nice
it might just be
what is needed to
from entering the
Smile at a stranger.
A stranger may smile
:) you are loved
always remember that
Smile! but i want to die. but how can i take my life
when god sacrificed his life and we shall have life and have
it more abundantly .. LIFE .
that simple word that you can change, it all depends how you live.
you know, life has many challenges that you face, but its up to you to embrace
that love from above! his gentleness is like a dove, everlasting is his name, and
you take life as a game?
YEAH, you can always choose how you want to play, but TODAY,
you will change that thought of suicide, and push those tears aside, and
remember, god is ON your side! his not like chris, john, bob, billy, or even
Lucifer ! yeah LUCIFER ..
does that name ring a bell ? not being a pastor but i decree and declare that we
SHALL, not want to die, but stay alive! .. i dont care what the circumstance is, i
know who GOD is, and i WILL let him live in ME !
Al'dayja Selby (A.T.S)
Water trickles on her wrists
Wiping away the blood
Wiping away the pain caused by so many others
The voices in her head are screaming for her to kill herself
Telling her to forget about the small amount of hope she still holds on to
For that hope is the only thing keeping her alive
She feels as if everyone around her don’t see her
They see her as broken, something that can’t be fixed
But everything can be fixed it may not be perfect
But it still holds value
In this case the value of a person’s life
Someone who didn’t deserve the way she was made to feel
She had people tell her ‘I hope you die in your sleep’
Or people saying she was better off in a coffin
These words she started to believe so after so many years of hoping she gave up
She gave in to the voices in her head
That night she went in to her father’s study and took out his handgun
She held it to her head and with tears streaming down her face she pulled the trigger
Her parents woke in a fright and ran to the study
To find her limp, cold body lying on the floor, hoping that what they saw wasn’t real
That there baby girl wasn’t gone
They blamed themselves for not seeing how much pain she was in
For not noticing her when it mattered.
I fall down
deeper and deeper
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
into each cell
turning them against
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
they are hurt
I have betrayed them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
all a game
for one person
the man in the
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
I can't see him
but he is there
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
the sound is mangled
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
only black do I see
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
filled with misery
my worst fears
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
I look sick they say
they see the bottom
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
keeping them steady
picking up tempo
they found it
the music does the talking
it says to hush
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I know what
it is flesh
but belongs to someone else
they smell of dirt
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
I see something
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
I fill with evil
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
I hear him
is his pleasure
oh so dark
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
it would be better
instead of up there.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?
Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.
Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.
Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.
Angel of Death,
Cloaked in black.
With black scaled wings,
Upon her back.
Angel of Death,
Coming for me.
As soon as I sleep
Then dead I will be.
Taken by the night
It swallows and consumes me.
Now I am the angel
And death becomes me.
Let's play a game
of Russian Roulette.
I'll go first,
you can pull the trigger.
Look me in the eyes
as the muzzle
the temple of my skull.
I'll probably be fine,
more than alright in fact,
as I watch you
It'll look like you love me.
It'll look like you care.
You are my apocalypse,
in your eyes I first glimpsed the end of the world.
I craved the destruction in your lips.
(I was well aware this was killing me slowly.)
Our love is my suicide,
my manifesto, so to speak.
You named my pain and told me it'll never fade.
You became the only way to numb it.
You're draining me, I know.
Consuming my mind and body with a well-time crooked smile.
I'm beginning to wonder if I mean a thing to you,
or if I'm just the means to your end.
Alone together we gasp for a cure,
thinking we belong simply because we don't.
Forcing together our broken hearts,
bandaging our scars to fake being complete.
You're messed up and I'm messed up
and this world is messed up, too.
So let's pull the trigger and cross the wires,
hands clasped together, we are the end.
Bang, there goes another.
Another life, another meaning,
Gone. Gone like the rain in the desert
Never to return.
It’s the sad truth that our children
Cannot live in harmony together on our Earth.
We turn to the isolation.
To the pain.
To the self-hatred and the bitterness.
But what do we gain?
Our lives are not statistics.
We do not deserve this belittling
We do not deserve this treatment.
And yet we still take it all in stride.
We fall and we fall but it never seems to end.
And so we take everyone down with us in the long run.
When will we learn to grab hold,
and stop this incessant falling,
this constant drowning in our thoughts, in the shouting words of others?
Bang, there goes another.
A lost purpose, a lonely child.
Never to see themselves better than the ugly words of others
It's not suicide,
helplessly into that dark place.
The one you've covered up for so long.
The one that is hidden behind your smiles and laughs and rehearsed joy.
For so long you've waited,
everyday only getting closer and closer to the edge.
You cut and bleed, hurting yourself because somehow,
someway it helps with the pain.
When things are good, they're bad.
When things are bad, they're horrible.
The pain of day to day life can be only so tolerated.
'Till that day when the cutting,
and bleeding doesn't help anymore.
And you finally fall.
You slip so effortlessly into that dark hole,
where there's no room for light.
Nothing but the final escape from that bitter pain.
As it gets darker and darker, you can see the light.
Not a light of something better, but a light that it's all over.
It's like a continuous rabbit hole,
Until you hit the bottom and you're gone.
It's not suicide,
As I stand tentatively on this ledge,
I begin to wonder
if they'll bother to dredge.
I doubt it,with a river so wide,
not for yet,another suicide.
Then I contemplate the rivers depth
and how it undoubtedly
will steal my breath.
As my legs begin to tremble,
I look back at how my life did resemble.
As I'm thinking of my final seconds,
a hand,quite close,
waves and beckons.
I go to jump and end it all
but something grabs me
and stops my fall.
Several saviours are now pinning me down.
Why did they stop me?
I wanted to drown.
I just drank a fifth of vodka
A lot on my mind
I start crying
But not because I'm sad or scared
It just feels like I'm supposed to
Razor blade in my hand
Ready to cut my flesh
First I slit my neck
Then both wrists
See the blood drip
Feel it running down my skin
Hear it hit the floor
One taste & reality hits
Blood is gone
A voice says,
"This is your future"
Then I wake up
DEVIL'S HIDDEN RANCH
Coyote howl, dogs growl
Gunshots, dead cow
Red barn left unlock
Horse shoe upon death's door
Tequila in a cup
Salt of cocaine, shadows of insanity
Guitar string, sad song
Bandit near the door, wife on the floor
Yelling out her name, he's gone insane
Loaded gun, life is done
Far and near ending his intoxicating fear
The road under the sun
A coward in his path
Responding to the Devil's wrath
In a Hidden Ranch in Mexico!!!!!!
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
Take me to the countryside
where all the daffodils grow
fresh perfume saturating the air
dispersing sensational aroma
in the atmosphere.
Take me to the countryside
to inhale the balmy fragrance
of mother earth,
to walk on grassy lands
and hold each other hands.
Take me to the countryside
to gaze at the swaying trees,
and listen to them humming breathlessly
in the chilly breeze.
enchanting birds singing in the gusty afternoon,
dancing vigorously to their melodious tune.
Take me to the countryside
where all the natural things grow,
tangerine, oranges , banana and kiwi fruit.
homemade yogurt ,sweet yam
and fresh milk from grandpa’s lamb.
Take me to the countryside
to coalesce with earthy peasants,
to run up and down the cornfield
and waddle through onion beds.
Soak me in nature,
and replenish my aching soul
purge my agonizing wound,
and distill my sorrowful tune.
My soul yearns for spiritual fulfillment
to drown the chaos from the external environment,
mineral water and running streams,
strumming guitars and melodious flutes
are singing harmoniously,
and whispering the truth.
lead me to a place of comfort,
a place where I can breathe,
a place of beauty and incomparable dreams.
Take me to the countryside
to mingle with the animals,
to go horseback riding,
and camp on the mountain top.
Take me away from this hopelessness,
to a place of peace and quietness.
Take me away from this desolation
and find away to solve this confusion.
I want to be free,
free from this burden and misery,
so take me with you before you leave.
When I close my eyes and count to three
at the sound of the whistle
I charge you to set me free.
©2013 Christine Phillips
If I were stronger
I’d say a permanent goodbye
No, it’s too hard
Too damn hard
They tell me to be grateful
For all that I have
And I am
But they don’t see
They don’t hear
The voice inside
That torments me
The demon of my failures
That accuses me
I’m not good enough
I was never good enough
For the world
Striving for the ideal
But all I see
Are broken people
Baggage not willing to be let off
At any station
Because though it is so heavy to carry
It offers "security"
No, life is too hard
But what is the use
When I tear down
With my own hands
I tear down
Walls of comfort
For the woman I used to be
The woman with dreams
Walking along the rosy pathways
Not seeing the thorns
That true love
Will win the day
There is no TRUE love
I challenge you
Find me the source
Tell me where it abides
Where it hides
IF you know
If you can honestly say
Your heart has never been torn
If you can look me in the eye
And say you have never lied
You have never strayed
With your heart
Someone who loved you
I wait for the dawn to come
When I can swallow the pill
That brings me happiness
Makes the world that rosy place
Where I can again dance
And yet I know in my heart
It’s not really me
There is a me no one sees
The woman behind the face
In a lonely place
To say goodbye
Eileen Manassian Ghali
he cradled me
the animals love you.
and if you stop crying
and sing to us
inhaled his breath
and believed that
if I breathe invitation
the wild wolves
howl while they prowled
it's not us they hunger
they seek the thunder
under the same sins and stars..
and for just a few minutes
felt the devils arms around me..
the rain washes us clean.
then one day
jesse was alone
the animals were sleeping..
as it rained
he blamed himself
for the health
of a sick earth...
got the bible
and his gun
closed his eyes and sung
as we scurried the floor
to gather his brains
and tried piecing his head
sat back against the wall
and tasted the blood
of an angel...
my finger still lingers
The Rose innocent white, soft pink, yellows
colors touch your soul vibrant red to amethyst
enhances beauty yet a thorn awaits to break skin
as life does piercing your heart with a thin pin.
My life has shed drops of blood through each petal
as if in return for the love and beauty you feel
hence pain underneath patiently waits the bloodletting ~
The rose symbolizes love yet vulnerable to hold
for when you open your heart it can be left bleeding
The best of surgeons can not beat your heart
It is the inner faith and God himself whom gives strength
whispers in your ear you shall live you will exist
your life meaningful as the water and sun to the rose
For I am your God your existence is not over yet .
You must Live ~You must Bloom
Life is so precious, so hard to keep.
Daddy died, a baby were discovered.
Secretly growing in my young daughters body.
A mixture of all cultures, all races but my first chance at a legacy.
The clashes in the mixture were brutal.
The blows were deep.
The killing words, the verbal harassments, the evil projected onto white faces.
A beautiful child, chubby cheeks, vibrant smile, loving nature searching to be accepted by those she loved. Asking little with so much to offer.
Oh how I love that child.
I want to protect her.
I want her to be safe.
I want her to know that someone loves her unconditionally.
But it is not about me..
She is now an adult...
I have no right to her business...
I can not save her life.
Whether this love can be transmitted over thousands of miles is the question.
Whether she feels this love...and the love of God that can pull her through.
My beautiful child.
Please find that strength.
Please recognize the beautiful person you are.
My God!My God!
Why have you forsaken us?
Even now the whisper of wheels
On the track
Convulses me with tears.
What more could I have done?
Where did I fail?
You, the least selfish of men,
Dedicated to your students and staff,
Devoted to your family,
Committed the most selfish of acts.
By locking us out,
You locked us
Into a cycle of torment and pain
And we never saw it coming.
Worries you brought home
But you chose not to share them
Shrugging off my pleas
You did not want to worry me,
So you said
You dulled your tortured mind by
Taking solitary refuge in the bottle
And you began slipping away from me.
I tried to batter the door down
With angry words and tears
As my frustration mounted
Did the children notice our bitter rows?
Was it then the seeds were sown?
You fled to your mother's house
For the balm of her love
More forgiving than a wife's
And there I hoped you would find
The peace your troubled heart craved.
With your mother you returned
And she soothingly said,
"It will take time."
I saw the fear in her eyes
Though her faith was strong.
That night you said the sofa would be your bed
"Give me time"were the last words I heard
Strangely I slept soundly
But when I awoke
I crept downstairs
To find you
And the car gone.
Frantically I phoned
And your mobile rang
From the depths of the sofa.
Then I saw your letter
On the cleared coffee table
Stark and white.
You begged our forgiveness.
You said this would spare us pain
And you bade me
Look after the children.
Stunned and silent
Your mum and I sat
When the constables came
With their carefully composed compassion
We knew it was just beginning
You had ripped away the veil of the temple
And the tomb was empty.
You had shorn your lambs
Of their innocence
And inserted a sliver of ice
In their hearts
Now I am faced
With the curse of Greek tragedy
Since I must spend my time
Trying to melt that ice
Before it hardens
“Hello, sweetie, what’s your name?
Would you like some lollies?
Or my huge brown sugar cane?
Such a nice little girl!
Who’s your daddy
What is he doing leaving you to play with yourself?
Are you scared?
It’s alright, honey, you’ve got me.
I’ll ride you
to the top of those rainbow hills
where pink unicorns and flying octopuses live.
I’ll take you
where the stars align, and the sky is velvet with glamour.
All my care is you and all my pleasure yours.
Put yours in mine
I will show you the world.”
“Sir, you promised me wonders
Yet I’ve felt nothing but pain.
Please send me back home to my family
where we first began.”
“If life were that simple, I wouldn’t have needed you
Should’ve known better than talking to strangers
Oh now you do!
Did it never occur to you that all is just a silly game?
The one that loses is also the one who gained.
to you I lied.
I filled you
with sweet words, and finally made you come.
You’re my one in many conquests,
I your priceless lesson.
Now I’ll make you scream till you pass out,
still no-one will hear your cries.
I might as well kill you.
I might as well die!”
the air around her is cool
like her thoughts these days
she looks at the branches, twisted
much like her mind
they are reaching upward
but she is grounded
forever in time
she heard the clatter of branches
smacking against walls
and the crash of metal
screams of pain
and then nothing
but silence falls
she runs to the window
sees the audience
stare at her
then through her
riches to rags
gold to nothing
her fame is gone
the trees below are turning
from gold to red
the leaves tossed about
in a slight wind
so graceful as in dance
a slow spiral down
and she longs to join in
she reaches towards them
tastes the cool air
as she falls down
grounded with the leaves
the pavement turns red
as silence falls
in October's air
The suicide of Dorothy Hale
October 21, 1938
(painting by Frida Kahlo)
It was in all of the
how a fairy commited suicide by
diving into a martini
to this invisible death
just kept on drinking
not thinking of fairydust,
but only assuming it was
sparkling from the moon
and, the mouth tingling
Some-one in "Wonderland"
wrote a small obituary
to remember her
riding to eternity
on a dragonfly's wings
And if the moral to this story
isn't obvious, you must,
when drinking martinis under moonlight
for suicidal fairies
For Linda's, In the Moment Contest
The Lonely Umbrella
An umbrella is hung on the edge of the roped bridge of sighs
its color a contrast to the black white and grey
In the still of the night there is much to convey
she must act very quickly no time to delay
she did not ply her dreams and desires too well
too many demons to dispel
she stood at the edge staring down at the lake
and murmured a prayer for the ones she will miss
a brief second and then into the watery abyss
a splash lands randomly on the bridge save one drop
The lonely umbrella hangs on the roped bridge of sighs
awaiting no one there is no one to care
dripping down on it slowly is a single drop
or is it a tear
Written March 1, 2014 by Ralph Sergi for Visual number 2
Shown in SYMBOLISM: THE UMBRELLA Poetry Contest by nette onclaud
She was the shrink
I was crazy
Depressed is the clinical name
All I wanted was a blood bath
With me as the victim
Perhaps a leap from a tall building (I’m afraid of heights)
Or a good old fashion hanging (keep with tradition)
Overdose (seems too easy)
Maybe the classic razor to the wrist (to cliché)
Gun shot to the head (to messy)
None of these would due
It needed to be creative.
I wanted to go out like Fred Astaire and Gene Kelley
Dancing madly backwards
In the rain, of all places for Christ sakes
And get run over by the A Train.
While Count Basie’s Orchestra is swinging its ass off
Or Sting is singing Roxanne.
It needs to be like a wedding, a celebration if you will
"Bon voyage Mr. Kilmer you’re off to the darkness
Send us a postcard if you can.
We understand, but if anyone can do it you would be the one!"
Then of course there’s the note…
How many people can you thank or make cry?
It would be like the Emmy’s where you get cut off by some crummy music
I mean sweet Jesus can’t a person just say a few words on his own behalf
And not have to deal with rules and regulations?
There is nothing in this world that is easy.
I can’t even die without a project manager and a caterer.
Seems like such a waste of time.
Maybe I’ll have my toenails painted instead.