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Free Verse Pain Poems | Free Verse Poems About Pain

These Free Verse Pain poems are examples of Free Verse poems about Pain. These are the best examples of Free Verse Pain poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

The Portrait

He cloaked her skin with a dark silk gown made of tattered wings neath the hunter' skies He covered her hair with a mourning veil Upon her face his hands did play Mysteriously the vacant gaze the secret pains His brush did paint the monaliza's eyes upon her lips he carved a smile with no expressions nor expectations of what one is to behold Enigmatic, Suffocating Secret whispers still untold Ghostly mist will keep on lingering in the silence of her soul There she stares from the old portrait Would somebody let her go? He stares He ponders Was this the girl who entered his dream? Did he paint her pain? Was she the same? Lush lips that couldn't smile Sullen eyes that couldn't lie telling of strife unable to bloom sheltered from the light Futures slowed Hopes dashed Dreams crushed Was he to save her? Thoughts echoed in his mind Is he her savior? Her mystery? Her hero? Will he fly to her side? Will he be her star that shines? Listen closely the portrait calls save me, come save me


Details | Free verse | |

Daddy

Daddy

Daddy, why did you go away,
Don't you know I wanted you to stay!

Daddy, when you left mom,
Don't you know you left me too.
Now all I do is cry and cry
--- I want to die!

Daddy, mommy say's it's better this way,
What does she know!
There's not enough band-aids to cover up the blues
Mom's kisses can't heal this kind of pain.

Daddy, I look around 
No one stands in your garage
Daddy, You took every tool
Except the hammer and sitting stool
Daddy, I still miss you 
--- I love you. 

***
***
Dear Daddy, I'm all grown up now
Haven't seen you since I was 10

Daddy, I sit on your favorite chair,
No longer do I miss the way you caressed my hair.
Daddy, I'm taking the old hammer and this BRAND NEW saw,
It's time to patch all the holes mom punched in the wall 
*The day you walked out on us*
Daddy, don't worry about the times I tripped and fell
Mom, found someone to fix  the loose boards,
Got tired of scraping my knees 

Daddy, I finally realized I'm okay,
I agree with mom, it's better this way.

by;pd


Details | Free verse | |

Nightmares and Razor Blades

I stare at my ceiling,
I start to wonder, why am I not healing?
Then it dawns on me,
The nightmare clip starts to roll.
I shake and shiver and wince at every little thing.
I'm scared to death, 
What does this all mean?
I start to cry,
I feel as if I might die.
Then I grab my blade, 
The tears come quicker.
My breath starts to quicken,
My grip on the blade makes my knuckles turn white.
In the mirror is where I see that my ivory skin is now blotchy and red.
I tell myself, "This may be the last time, if you finally cut deep enough."
So I try my best not to make a sound 
As I sit up in bed and hold my wrist out in front of me. 
I count to three,
One, 
I put the blade to my wrist.
Two,
I start to add pressure.
Three,
I yank the blade across my skin,
It pierces and then I start to bleed.
I suddenly want it to stop, 
But there's no going back now. 
I wonder why it came to this,
I know nobody cares about me,
I know nobody is going to forget me.
Quietly I say, "I'm sorry."
But nobody is there,
No one will ever be.
I start to fade out of this world,
My addiction would finally be gone,
And so would I.
I was lost, 
Lost and angry. 
Suddenly, it was gone,
I woke up screaming.
The pain was oh-so real.


Details | Free verse | |

A Wish -re-post-

A WISH -- In Memory Of 

"I Wish"

I wish I could blow air into your little lungs, 
The day my daughter brought your stillborn body into this world. 
Hold your little body warm, 
And tell my little girl you have her cute little nose....
Count your little fingers, and kiss your little toes....

I wish, 
I could look into your daring eyes, 
Facing a little boy, who's ready for this world
I wish,
I could tell my daughter you have her beautiful brown eyes...
Sadly, it’s not like that.
How can I tell my daughter everything will be all right?
When a piece of my heart was stolen with her's,
When giving birth to her son, my grandson 
March 25, 2013---- How it Hurts! 
~~~
O’ how I wish, you entered this world crying
Instead, we're the ones left in tears of sorrow
~~~
How I wish you could be, 
And not this feeling you left inside
How I wish, God could explain why o' why o' why?

Mostly, I WISH grandma could fix this, and make 
your mommy feel, the joy she was robbed of.

In memory of my grandson: ---Bael Lesley G.
Born March 25, 2013  ---   RIP March 25, 2013

----------
by;PD  :-(


Details | Free verse | |

Fallen Leaves

Fallen Leaves --------------------- Upon the bed of fallen leaves how fair the blossoms lay, Silver the night, and silver the streams are veiled. In the vast solitude, retreating into the heart of wood, Beneath the roof of a drowning sky, as our love spills fragrance in the rain. Whispering kisses, drifting touches of your briny lips, of secrets told known to the woods and to me. Muffled sounds dissolve into the dim light of morn, as shadows from the darkness are besieged. And the leaves of gold are drowned, as my heart begins to bleed, sundering on the thorns where I dwelt through nights silent and long. Crimson petals float on a cloud of mist, I walk through a heavy haze, wan and wasted, a shadow tethered to the wind. Mayhaps you shall find me on the foaming waves, singing to the sea. When your heart comes desiring on the wind's trail. When love shall again spill fragrance in the rain.
~ For Kelly Deschler's contest : "Every Rose has it's Thorn"


Details | Free verse | |

A Soul awakened

This battle brews inside me
The pain I feel in my heart ripping it apart
And my soul who wants to be redeemed

The movement of my pen beats in my chest
In my veins my words flow like the rage of rivers in storm 

I’m caught in these lyrics that Awaken my soul
That cry out for eternity 

Yet my heart is trodden
 at times I swear it is not beating

Our hearts rose up like kindred knights ready to defend our land
but the soul was fulfilling its destiny
it would not be beaten, no matter…
it had awakened to truth

but our hearts knew only torment
and could not understand
all that was happening,
that God had a plan

so my pain exposes itself
 in my thoughts manifesting to script
as it beats in my chest with a rhythmic pulse
that brings me to my knees

We had no time to prepare
Only to fight
Flailing around Hope
With all of our might

 as if it were the weapon that would save us from our enemy
for that’s all we had was our sword of Hope

This battle we were not prepared for.
Like a sneak attack, it caught us in slumber
when the army of death ascended upon our world

my heart said I love you
you are my universe and life has no meaning without you
I will fight till my shallow breath abates
Till your soul takes the last blow...

And I did!
We Did!

We did not surrender
We had no chance 
Our hearts fought a losing battle

My awakened soul shouts out with acceptance…
“you will one day know the reason, but not now”
For this is your time to experience 
what was lovingly bestowed upon you from our God,
who knows what we need

So now I write from my pain… It helps me to cope…

It is the sword I carry…

My only Hope


Details | Free verse | |

Steeped in Virginal Dreams

Knowledge gained liberates or mutilates.
Ramifications of reality’s realm reached
make your insides want to abandon the body ship.
Rocking back and forth as you hurl dry acidic pain
expelled by the force of shell shocked lucidity:
You’re not good enough to be loved.

Breathing in is treason.
Your heart demands release of life’s lease.
On the kitchen floor
crumpled dreams drag to prostrate form.
Alone…..
Every reason to stay is obliterated.
Ascorbic failures scream.
Heart blood transforms to salty rivulets.
Self-loathing usurps the throne of belief.
"Appeasement sacrifice,” it sagely suggests…
"Your life!"

Relevant Reasoning...
For someone for whom love is cell oxygen
grey matter food
supreme soul sustenance,
life without full bodied Love is death.
Might as well...

Cowardice cackles and goads….
The cut isn’t deep enough.
Red streaked line mockery of mental hell feels
abhorrence breathing between the sobs
that one hears … 
No one hears

Troubled mind has drained desirability’s delight.
Not strong enough to live not strong enough to die,
you are spent…
negligence purged.
Silence begs to benumb,
yet a reminder remains.

The thorn of truth finds a home.
Embedded in my side,
it won’t be denied.
Removal immuned
it is unseen by naked eye-
exposed to the naked heart.
With every movement of love making
matrimonial mattress yet exudes
the faint scent of virginal dreams...
Pain permeates 

It digs in deep.
Nothing will change.
YOU cannot change.
You are unlovable.
You're troubled and troubling brain
takes beauty down to notch of insane.

Give it all away.
Lavish and ravish.
Obsessively bid for love
while you auction respect away,
but herein is the cursed truth:

You are not good enough to be loved.
You never were.
You never will be.

For Charlotte's Heart and Soul Contest
September 2, 2014


Details | Free verse | |

That Day, A Life Crushed

That Day, Life Crushed



I was resting on a lake dock that was in deep decay
it ran fifty yards out into the seamless water
that day my baby brother had went to swim with his friends
a normal summer day that shone with splendor
and peaceful was the soft blowing wind
only fate was awake and moving ever foward


there I was in peaceful solitude , resting
gazing at the lapping waves as they spoke
ignorant of what had taken place only moments before
the passing of a young and promising life, my brother


sun still beamed, wind still blew and life changed
a truck came racing across the bridge
I saw my best friend waving at me franticly
then I heard, I knew tragedy had befallen somebody
somebody I loved dearly


Moments later, the force of truth crushed me into a ball
it was as I feared, a death, an unimaginable horror
my baby brother was dead, my fourteen year old baby brother 
gone, gone , gone!


Electric current had destroyed his life
destroyed my life, sent me into a seven year rage
I said my goodbyes in a quiet rage and vowed that God, 
God would pay for this!
And so it began a terrible journey into a dark abyss 
one that consumed and slowly ate my soul
my soul it ate with relish and glee


I became a punisher of God!
Yes, such misery did I heap out by the bucket
by the ton and ate it's glory until-

Seven years later, light came into me as I slept
I woke one morning to find that the one punished was ME!
God had told me but I refused to hear
Now I heard and that truth crushed me again!


The road back took time but seven long years was over!
life returned, joy returned!
Majestic love returned to reclaim it's treasure-- my soul!


My soul rejoices to this day,
this day I see God stayed with me as I ran away!

I, he that runs no MORE!

Robert J. Lindley 06-30-2014

My first ever write about my brother, Billy Joe Lindley
fourteen year old and the girls adored him,
that summer electrocuted by a faulty electric pump at a 
friend's house by the river. 
1976, I think about him every day since, he was an angel compared 
to me and why, why did I live!


Details | Free verse | |

It's All About Me

I believe in lots of things I can't see 
My dreams are like a ship's consciousness 
drowned in the ocean 
I want to live for a reason 
How I wish I could resign 
from myself 

How I wish now I was wrapped 
on a bed neither to move my hands 
nor my feet 
I try to feel but I have no feelings 
My soul is rich my spirit feels poor 
I have a brain that feels unconscious 
I got married but was never in love 
I am alive yet I wish I was dead 

I wanted to stay but I had to leave 
I have tears but cannot weep 
I've got memories 
yet I crave to forget them 
I feel a storm coming 
without rain or thunder 
People die but I cannot mourn 

I am friendly but have no friends 
I think I am intelligent but I feel numb 
I thought I graduated 
but threw away my diploma 
I have a birthday with no wishes 
I dream yet I forget them 

I had a castle yet I feel I'm living in a hut 
I have courage but I cannot face it 
I am a body that looks like a skeleton 
My heart beats but I cannot hear it 
The sky is blue but I see gray 

My voice 
You dwell too much about the past 
that taught you to be so cruel 
I loved but nobody loved me 
The flowers were blooming 
but I saw them dead
I was a violin with broken strings 
when I could not hold my anger 

If I could only scream to listen to my echo 
I rode a horse without a saddle 
I was at the beach and I saw no ocean 
I walked on the land but felt 
only rocks 

My feet were bleeding I cut them off 
I wake up at dawn but I feel its dark 
I rang the bell nobody opened 
I was on the roof top and my soul fell down 
I watched a beginning it felt like the end 

Therese Bacha
14 November 2014.


Details | Free verse | |

My weakness

        GOD

Wondrous of many blessings.
Smiling never a frown.
My prayers, Lord, are  suddenly being ignored.
I've taken a tumble of  fallen down
Lord, my life was plain and simple  
How did it come to this.
Lord, now I carry a  burden so deep
A torn up life not easy to fix
Hard to get my prayers before I sleep
Bleeding only internally!
Feeling very minutely!
God, have you deserted me, or is it me who deserted you?

God, my Lord, my savior, how could you abandon me?
Must I drown in my own sorrow.
Must I wake up like this today and tomorrow.
Why have you left me, or is it me who left you?

God, I need you like never before.
When I wake up,
When I head out the door.
Tormented in a mood ring of stock
Heavily my tears hit upon the floor.
God, do you not feel me, or is it me who no longer feel you?

God, what is your plan for me?
What things did I not see?
I asked for you to forgive me in my ways of sin.
Why do you let him provoke me?
Lord, I forbid for him to win.
Relieve me from his gutless pain.
God, do you not believe me, or is it me who no longer believe in you?

God, do you not hear my call
My pitiful excuses make me weak and small
In your eyes I no longer feel tall
I remain cursed in every single fall
Lord, only you can break this wall
Do you not see me on my knees
Must I beg and crawl?
I am at your mercy, crying out with grief
Open the path to the lighted hall
O' Lord, the day you judge me before your throne
Please tell me it was a lesson for me to stand up on my own
God for now I will end this talk
With the dignity to never look back
And ask if you were there on my endless journey of a relentless walk?

By:PD


Details | Free verse | |

Sometimes

Sometimes I am happy, sometimes I am sad.
Sometime I sing, sometimes I stammer

Sometimes I dance on the music of my soul, Sometimes I dance on the fingers of 
one single person
Sometimes I expect so much from others; sometime I myself can’t meet my own 
expectations.

Sometime I make fun of others and feel bad later, sometimes life makes fun of me 
and I smile
Sometime I win and sometimes I lose, sometimes I don’t even understand whether I 
won or lost.
 
Sometimes I laugh as if whole world is with me,
Sometimes I cry as if I am alone wandering in a strange land

Sometimes I give up so easily
Sometimes I work so hard that no one can stop me to achieve what I want

Sometimes I am dynamic person, who wants to change the world,
And sometimes I am a kid who expects anyone to embrace him tightly.

Sometimes I feel happy about the achievement of my enemy
Sometime I feel dejected with my own success.

Sometimes I help others and show them the right path
Sometimes I feel totally helpless and don’t know where to go

Sometimes I ask god to please give my past back
Sometimes I pray to show me the way forward


Life is composed of SOMETIMES and I just flow with that.
U admit or not but you are also sailing on the same boat.
So join me and enjoy it EVERYTIME as SOMETIMES life is very short!


Details | Free verse | |

Bottled Tears

The tears continued to bottle,
all the time I was with you.
The disappointment, 
the pain,
the heart wrenching broken chains,
you kept putting me through.
The bottle continually grew,
salt infused tears dripping to the top.
As time went on 
the bottle never went away.
It continued to sit there,
slowly dripping on the scars left 
from the pain.
The salt burned my soul,
letting it hard to let go,
continuing to make the scars
never grow old.
As the bottle began to overflow
into my darkened soul,
I couldn't keep the tears in,
it shattered deep in my heart.
The tears poured across my skin,
causing the pain to grow and grow,
all I could do to get rid of it
was to embrace the pain I felt.
Let this fester to a new world in my mind;
let the anger from the disappointment grow.
As the moment snapped,
the time stood still for one moment's release.

Freedom now I feel!
The moment's consequences were worth it,
the bottle will never refill,
and forever cracked it will be.
My tears will never drop,
because you will never contact me!

Thank God that I have been set free!


Details | Free verse | |

embattled

Pain covered by beauty,
Standing behind a mirror of myself, 
Cut deeply by the shattering pieces as my true self emerges.
Behold the truth that lies behind my placid eyes,
The heart wrenching pain hidden by my laugh,
I am what this world has made me to be,
Cruel, Angry, Torn.
Seeking answers in my mind,
I feel there is no tangible hope.
I cannot grasp what i have never trully believed to be there.
I can only sit and wait for the inevitable,
I can only sit and wait with no one but my shadow beside me,
Daunting me,
Reminding me how dark this world can be.
Embittered at what my once joyful life has turned into,
A blaze of hate and sorrow consumes me entirely, 
Until I am forced to relinquish the pain and tears built up inside me.
At that moment I am rendered helpless,
I open my eyes only to find myself embattled.
These enimies of mine are not human but the result of what they have caused.


Details | Free verse | |

THE BLOSSOMING OF THORNS

I wrote the story of my life
in a letter     but the words 
shattered like fragments of
ancient pottery     and the ink
melted in the summer sun
Life pricks at our veneer    
chipping away one fleck at a time
yet we keep flying straight into it
like kamikaze moths mesmerized
by a candle flame     incessantly
hoping the next strike will have
different results     The thorns
of life poke and prod our bodies
leaving pinpoint holes for our
souls to seep through     but
thorns eventually have roses
to soothe our wounds
with their softness


From my book, Faith Like A Dandelion



Details | Free verse | |

Humpty Dumpty House

A home
The one he promised you
That white picket fence
Light flooded rooms
A swing on a tree in the front yard

He promised
I'm sure he did
He promised
To fill it with laughter
It was where you were both supposed to dream
The gathering place of love
Of family
Of friends
yet from the beginning 
It was a place of pretend
A dark fairy tale 
Wrapped in a pretty shell
In perfectly beautiful lines
Curving away from you

Then the cracks appeared
Spreading with his lies
You so desperately wanted to trust those eyes
Thinking he was different from other guys
Not wanting to see beyond his disguise

No amount of renovations
Can repair the cracks
The essence of you under attack
A beautiful dream painted black
You can't 
You won't 
Put it together again
Your house 
Your home that place of pain

Helpless you watch it crumble
Forced to walk away from it all
The cracks too many it has to fall
You have your answers
You hold your head tall
You see a future beyond shattered wall

Still you wonder
Will you one day find
Your happily ever after
Will the dreams you hold ever matter
Will your tears turn to laughter

For you
Fairy tales are not enough
You deserve a foundation made of better stuff
Beyond your broken
You find your dream
Thankfully
Wonderfully
Amazingly
God answers
Both our prayers
He gives you to me













Details | Free verse | |

This One's for You

This One’s for You
     By Dane Smith-Johnsen

Wherever you are, when life seems hopeless, 
And your scrambled essence screams inside out. 
The pain wrenches it’s own form of anguish.
Head harrowing, distant dreams devoured
Fear asks, “Why me?  Dear God, why me?  Why me?

                        Stop!

Release the throbbing hurt; control moments.
Revive the tranquility once within.
Just for a moment, wait upon the Lord.
Let Him hold you.  Do you sense His presence?
Never give up on God; share your sweet soul.

                        Look!

All around.  See the wonder of Creation.
The beauty prepared for you. Please partake.
Preclude pain.  Spotlight God for a moment
He can bequeath irresistible joy.
Never give up on God, spill your sweet soul.

                       Listen!
  
Permit the fear to disappear; hear God.
Cast off your pain in Jesus’ Holy name.
Listen quietly for a little while.
Hear Him; sense the mighty comfort He gives.
Trust His strength to help you and heal your heart.
                                      Amen


Details | Free verse | |

Heavens' Doorway

One day there was an accident, and to heavens gate I was called.
As an angel sat down beside me, upon the bed I had been put upon.
Such a shining warmth ensued as it held me in its thrall.
A thought from God proclaimed, “What with your life have you done?”
Then all of life fled past me, but not as I did expect to see it done.
For all I saw and felt were things I hadn’t known I had done, and yet…
So much pain inflicted to each, with such little words and thoughts.
I never would have known such power, by one person, could be wrought.
I bowed my head in shame at the pain I knew I could not undo, yet…
Suddenly, I found myself forgiven. Yes, TRULY it was true!
Hallelujah became my amazed and impassioned cry before him, that night!
His warmth had never wavered, nor even his illustrious, wonderful light.
How could he forgive me, someone as wretched and lowly as I?
And yet, he did… and so he changed my life from then on out. 
But low and behold he wasn’t yet done with me, or so my story goes…
He sent me back to my home again… it in comparison brought me low.
But he said my work lay uncompleted, so now I must go back…
He said to stay clean and I would blossom… What do you think of that?
A veil he placed upon my eyes to remove me from the knowledge of all I’d known.
Then he sent me from his side, where I could not see him but knew he was.
Now, here I stand before you, a totally changed and humbled one.
Still, I have found I have sinned again… I know he must have known.
Perhaps some day, as I patiently wait… I’ll be allowed once more within his gate.
Only time will tell, as again I’ll feel every ones pain…
All I can say is: God Forgive Me… as I continue to wait…

(This Near Death experience really happened and changed my life.)


Details | Free verse | |

She is more

She is, exactly what he wanted to see
His erotic fantasy
Every teenage boys playboy bunny dream

Look at how you come onto me
Lost, destroyed soul is all i will ever see
U disgust the innermost,
deepest feelings in me

She is the beauty queen
The one from your dreams
She doesn't even look like she bleeds
Imagine how she screams...

Perfect without a flaw
Take her on the wall
Have her spread all over the floor
Dont even close the door
Look at what you all came here for

Destroy her pride
Till shes got nowhere left to hide
Give her your might once more
Until she cannot take it anymore

Look into the eyes of all your lies
Realize every hurt you've given in your life
This is your whore
& now shes all bloody and sore
The same girl next door,
that u begged for more

You've burnt your soul to the core
A deed done
With blood on your hands
Listen, to your screaming fans

Shes just one of those,
that you used to love
You stole all her fairy dust 
and turned it into lust.



Details | Free verse | |

Fly On The Wall

Curiosity killed the cat
Satisfaction brought it back
Wonders never cease
It's up to you and me

Agonizing in silence
Crying in the rain
To be a fly upon the wall
I want to see it all

Taking all the pain away
Bloodied, bruised, and beaten
Water dripping from a stone
Please leave me alone

Flowers wilting from the frost
Leaves turning green to red
Willows weeping with worry
Never saying I am sorry

Haunted from the past
Life motoring on by
Eating words and spitting nails
Life no longer wins but fails

Suspended from the rafters
Behind the locked attic door
My red door has long been broken
This life is but a token

Rich in friendships
Poor in relationships
Splitting logs in half
No longer can I laugh

Freedom doesn't ring
Vowing not to change
Giving to you my all
To be a fly upon the wall






Details | Free verse | |

The Mirror

Confusion seeps in,
Next comes doubt. 
Is this happiness,
Is this what love is all about?
Please tell me i'm wrong,
tell me its all in my head. 
Darling I cant fight,
my thoughts win on this bloody night. 
My hand finds the knife,
my mind whispering that nothing is all right.
the mirror broke in front of me,
i'm counting my breath.
I'm falling fast now,
the blade is weeping.
You're haunting my reflection, 
the devil here for collection.
God forgive me, 
I plunge the knife into the glass,
my body erupts in pain, 
the knife plunged like a rock,
into this broken vein.
I heard the deep laughs,
I heard satan sing.
With one final scream
I greeted Hells eternity. 


Details | Free verse | |

Breezes

Remembering the sorrow Remembering the pain The time had come, I had come undone I came unglued I released my heart to you I stopped holding back not being brave My heart under attack All those hours All those lies Pretending to show my heart but really hiding inside No one knows the cries Hidden behind darkened eyes Thoughts of goodbyes Why did I try What good is a future If haunted by the past Lost, scared and alone This heart needed a home Aimlessly searching, which way shall it go Finally softened by breezes that blew in from the unknown A beat that was lost Getting stronger each day To have and to hold Once dead it springs new You've saved me my peach You know I love you


Details | Free verse | |

How I Danced!

The night is cold, awaiting the early light of dawn
My body shivers, my feet like ice, I long for sleep but it does not come 
Like so many lonely hours in the darkness
The ache of my bones so cruel and relentless

Tears on my pillow, I once again slip from the warm covers
Leaving the placid breath beside me, never knowing I’ve gone
I would give so much to have the peace of slumber
The chance to dream of an earlier life, one that is gone now

Where I danced with the clouds on a warm spring day
Ran in the woods chasing butterflies or a humming bird 
The gentle breeze brushing against my skin
My soul free to be who I am, without the pain of this withering shell

Some nights I long for an end to this misery
Life has dealt such a difficult challenge
But more often, I sit in the dim light of the morning
Remembering my youth and the freedom that it gave

How I laughed in its face, knowing I would always be young
That I would always be ready to take on the world unencumbered
How naïve…and how unappreciative of the wonders of my youthful body
Pushing the limits of this fragile home to my soul, never fearing an end to my 
flight

But the dawn comes, and I bravely go on to face another day
Determined to make it the best possible
Although this life, even with it’s wicked edge, so unexpected
Arrived before I was ready to give up my wonderful dance of freedom

I rub my twisted joints, warming them near the fire
Knowing that, even through the pain there is hope
For my mind is sharp, my wit is clever 
And I may yet find joys in the brightness and warmth of this new sun

For I can still hear the birds sing their happy tunes
Watch the grandchildren’s innocent play, their melodic giggles of joy
And remember how it was not so long ago…
And how I danced! 


Details | Free verse | |

Dementia

He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
Tough.
Independent.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died, 
he has not been the same.
Sad
Lonely
Empty.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
Mind slipping, 
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it, 
until now...
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain, 
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Oh well...
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best, 
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows 
what happens next.
Sedation
Medication
Anger
Hurt
All results of
dementia


Details | Free verse | |

Interalphabetnet sex stew



Primose path leads to the slaughter of American
dream delete pause proficiency with internetty
webbegone after thoughts of yahoo googleyed 
interred intracacises that shed benign capsules of
 mom entary apple pie delquiences cooling 
the soul shopping for the next alias avenue of
pointless me procurement mauling an ongoing
onerous dildodate vis a vie meme.com/me in 
an engaging omnipresence of sextext no tact
spell ckeck chicshicshakplak no sense tic tac.
Talk? Walk? Balk? Chalk? Sue? Sulk? 
Dinosaur diligence posse with the senior
gestages gestulating, we r forevre 21 and ying yang 
dung. Yes, good f ing luck with that!! Look at your 
petridish parents and see what box u check to lid close
and abscond with the lost liberal leftovers. That
is you in reverse in a few carnal years after Hilter youth
children decide to screw us as the new 
generation which skewer post present parental postulates 
to the oldster outhouse outlets so u can be "youf" free. Little
do they notknow as they cumulatively co opulate 
that they set the stooge stage for no thanx ahole actions. 
The DOS does'nt fall from the Apple tree. Leave it, 
love it, learn it while ye may, the kid crisp cosmos of
offspring social dicktates are biting at your heartbeatbit 
empty elmo enterprises. Pause parenatal prenatal
preferences prepearing perinatal persons pretasking
postnatal practices, in which you have veno papa preparation.
Think before you For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge and Analyze
your ass-incarnate initiate. Borrow berofe u basterdize, 
condomize before u copu culminate, decide before
u dicktate, envision before u envy, fail before u foil, 
grasp before u germinate, halt before u hinder, 
illuminate before u illerate, jump before u jinx, 
kill before u keep, love before u lay, meaning before
moaning, neutralize before u now, obilerate before
u ooops! presence before predicament, quit before
quake, resilience before ridiculous, sanity before
sexusensuality, thinkth before u thumpth, utilize
before u unionize, victory before victimization, we 
before want, xx nor xy, zen before zeal. Pocket 
passion files fly in the face of ruined reason residules
to the point of pronounced perplextion plagued 
prominantly with no recall references to problematic 
protocals for near north normalicies in my buckeye
life measures of simpatico silly symbiosis sublime
of mini me monophile mucous made misdemeanor
milktoast memories. Pass go, collect $200.



Details | Free verse | |

I know (Oppression)

One thing that I know all about, without any doubt
        The meaning of “Oppression of The Soul.”
               I once shattered all my dreams, with ill-gotten schemes
                      Along with every single goal
Emptiness is a real dark thing
        As it eats its way through your soul
              I found the bottom of the pit, all I can say of it
                       It truly was a very empty hole
I guess every story has a meaning
         Just as every game has a price
              If you look closely at me, you’ll be able to see
                      A lifetime of pain in my advice
Oppression is a real dark word
        Regardless of how the word is used
                 If you’re in the shadow of it, the bottom the pit
                          You know what it means to be abused
For years I walked in the shadows
      I had nothing but hatred for the Son
                I just couldn’t see, why it had to be
                        All the things in my life that had been done
If you were to look into my eyes
      And read all the stories they have to tell
            All you would be able to see, is pain and misery
                   A shadow that was in a living hell
I know all about oppression
     For it rolls upon the shores of hate
        I once looked in the mirror to see, a ghost living in me
             Just a skeleton walking through his fate
I also know all about redemption
     Behind every shadow there rest some form of light
                   With in the breath of a prayer, I learned how to care
                           Thus changing the course of my plight
Every story has a meaning
        There is a way to right any wrong
                Grasp to the light, and then hold on tight
                          As you search for the meaning of your song
My song once was heavy metal
         I truly loved to bang my head
                 An empty soul, with a bottomless hole
                          A never-ending hunger to be fed
Now my song is a ballad
        A story that is full of hope and love
                I learned how to pray, and give it away
                       Accepting grace from the Lord above
Oppression crosses our paths everyday
        It is everywhere to see
                You know what’s right, learn to stand and fight
                       You will have learned to be all that you can be
 

Written for the "Oppression of the Soul Contest)


Details | Free verse | |

Don't Judge Me for Existing

Why do you give me a hard look from your face?
that you don't like what you see?
that I'm from a different race?

Why can't we see eye to eye?
why do I disgust you,
like you don't wanna be near me
would you please tell me?
tell me why you hate me?

Do you hate me because of the color of my skin?
like I'm a disease?
you don't think I have desires?
that I have needs?

We aren't from the same race,
but by soul,
we live in the same world.
You may think I'm nothing,
just push me into the mud,
knowing we both have the same colored blood.
You can't judge me by my appearance,
or by my race,
or even the color on my face.
Say what you want to say,
you can't judge me,
for I didn't choose to exist in the first place.


Details | Free verse | |

City of Dust

Trouble
Raises its dark head
Breathes on a naive World
Beyond the Night of our indifference
Will any of us remain
Is this a repeat of The Story of the Flood
Yellow Fog 
the envelope we breath

History, Where it Ended
No life in The City of Dust
It's Coming along, in the blink of an eye
What I am seeing Doesn't make Sense
No Connection to natural laws
We ignore
We destroy
All that is left is ice
A Winter Scar
Ghost Limbs left in a pile
No one left to sing Simple Notes
No one left to cry

Poem written with the Track names From Chris Ho's new CD "City of Dust
Check out Chrishomusic.com my wife's nephew, very talented guy from Victoria.


Details | Free verse | |

Your pain

Your pain Why do I feel your pain still When I left of my own free will My mind is heavy with the burdens you build Yet my heart is still tender And vulnerable to your every will When you’re hurting and making bad choices Your voice still touches my every emotion How is it that I still feel your pain Even when I have nothing left to gain Yes, I love you still But be with you, I never, ever will. You had my heart from the very start And slowly our love began to part Two became one, until one was none Off in separate ways for more than 365 days So how is it that to this day Your pain still finds its way Into my life and in my heart where it stays Lay


Details | Free verse | |

Rebirth

Ignite,
The missing light,
Forget,
What's behind.
Just believe,
That love comes again...

'Cause,
The skies,
Are like a hard glide,
In a shining rainbow's light...

All dreams and fantasies,
Can be reality,
'Cause fantasy,
Is based on reality...
But all histories aren't the same...

'Cause,
Sometimes, we dive,
In our lives...

So,
Don't judge,
For what you see,
Judge,
For what it is...,
'Cause time passes,
But, memories remain...

And,
Listen,
To your heart,
'Cause,
The body, does,
The mind, thinks,
And, the heart, feels...,
While, the soul, lives...

So,
Always remember,
To remember the past,
To live the present,
And to wait and pursue the future...

Listen to your heart,
Before you are telling goodbye,
'Cause destiny,
Might lead to demise...,
But, remember that destiny can be changed...

Life is unpredictable,
But space and time,
Could be controlled...
And even if some die,
We may survive...

Remember,
That life,
Might have an endless beginning...

All that remains,
Is to be reborn...


Details | Free verse | |

My Hell

I fall down
deeper and deeper
into oblivion
nothing
only darkness.
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
slithering farther
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
my veins
into each cell
turning them against
me
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hug me
covering me
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
falling deeper
only down
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
love
they are hurt
hurting
by me
I have betrayed them
left them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
sick
new thoughts
 every second
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
becoming dimmer
fading fast.
all a game
for one person
the puppeteer
the ringmaster
the man in the
mask
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
he laughs
I can't see him
but he is there
everywhere
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
the knife
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
surely
the sound is mangled
twisted
young
desperate
hopeless
mine
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
still falling
only black do I see
the evil
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
my innocence
my purity
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
weightlessness
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
this abyss
for eternity
restless
empty
yet full
filled with misery
my worst fears
come back
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
the darkness
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
my skin
being sliced
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
my legs
my arms
my stomach
my face
my neck
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they too
are damned
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
blue
yes blue
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
white
I look sick they say
oh, no
they say
oh, no
they see the bottom
be ready
they say
be ready.
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
unforgiving
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
they jump
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
no mercy
moving faster
the drum
keeping them steady
pounds faster
picking up tempo
searching
searching
until
they found it
they found
my heart
my soul
the music does the talking
it says to hush
hush now
slow down
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
just stop
they say
just stop
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
a message
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up
it says
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
it says
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
why dream?
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I smell
something burnt
burning
oh, no
I know what
that smell
it is flesh
not mine
surely
but belongs to someone else
someone close
they too
they smell of dirt
sinners burning
dead
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
nothing more
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
the black
I see something
darker
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
they play
they sing
they dance
they laugh
I fill with evil
hatred
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
then
without warning
I hear him
laughing
my pain
is his pleasure
oh so dark
it's over
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
these creatures
these beasts.
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
maybe
just maybe
it would be better
down here
instead of up there.
it's not.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
ever be.
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
here forever,
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?


Details | Free verse | |

Hounds from Hell

Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
alone;
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.

Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.

Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.

-10/14/2013-


Details | Free verse | |

Lies Of Perfection

in the night, he reaches, my body responds, aching to be near 
yet the mind screams, pulls back inside its deep recesses
familiar pain rears, sits nonchalantly, laughing, taunting me 
is it I who am loved or am I just involved in the act of love 
the end justifying the means, a single moment, a brief interlude 
conveniently remembered and enacted, how can one truly tell? 

I opened my heart and yet I know, I'm not what he was looking for
the knowledge leaves me cold and saddened, ice forming around my core 
rejection, inferiority, second best, all words that accurately describe 
yet leave no telltale signs of the great pain that they have inflicted 
reality and yet my hands roam freely his body as I welcome him inside 
to lie buried deep within my being, my heart beating furiously

the sheer joy of being loved blocking out the fear, feeding on hope 
even if his emotions are not real, every fibre of my being yearns 
to one day capture all his love, to see it expressed in his eyes 
to silently carve my essence indelibly upon his heart,
to feel it in his smiles warmth, as his eyes adore each curve  
the knowledge that says you are mine and I will love you always 

everyone wants perfection, those that know that they are not 
nor ever will be the one, suffer from the lies of perfection 
so here I lie, accepting the very little that is being offered 
praying to someday find more, existing in that in between world 
between shadow and light, where nothing is clear, everything is shaded
needing to be perfection to someone, as I breathe deeply with eyes drifting into 
my dreams, helplessly staring across the bed of my future
 


Details | Free verse | |

A Reason

She's got words on her arms
In the language of a broken heart
And they say
They say I wanna be loved 
But I don't know how 
I wanna dream 
Haven't done it in a while
I wanna smile
Won't somebody give me 
A reason?



Author's note: This is a poem about a close friend of mine. The "words on her arms" are an analogy, for well, cuts. She wouldn't talk to me much at the time, but I saw them and that was all that really needed to be said, since she knew she couldn't fool me. Anyway, that was the inspiration for this.
She is doing much better now, by the way, in case anyone was concerned...


Details | Free verse | |

Loving and Breathing (Dilemma of The Broken Hearted)

Inhaled at the age of innocence,
with a breath that lies between stars,
with immortal depths that have no
ending as my lungs forever expand,
Exhalation has become unachievable,
due to the obstruction of faith
of a boy for his very first dream,
Chest heaving as a heart aches,

Is love a tree or the deepest ocean?
My breath or my reason for holding?
The questions unanswered since the 
dawn of man and emotion alike,
Thus the bittersweet conclusion
appears that love equals the two,
Yet how does such beauty create
a pain that suffers from insomnia?

Expendable only to a few torn souls
who have breathed the sweet intoxication
of love, and caressed the linger of its enticing
aroma, and suffered the sting of its departure,
Leaving hearts which cannot withstand the
agony, to exhale affection for everything in
its entirety, crushing the hope of such youths,
yet this warning takes nothing from its appeal,

For to breathe love, is to touch enchantment,
As romance itself in but a breathe shared 
between two spirits rewarded for persistence,
With the risk of being proven fallible,
which leads to tears and pain entwined,
Must we not embrace the risk as reward?
For those as myself, who answered "no"
are condemned to the most fragile breathing,

For each breath hurts like the last
One love, one lost, one breath in all,
Breathing her in as if she has become
the last breath of oxygen in my life,
For she has, she has become my only,
due to a choice made for the perfect love,
Yet my painful irony has become, breathing
and loving, with each one, keeping 
the agony of the other alive forever


Details | Free verse | |

Who am I

In the mirror on Vishu morning I see an Indian woman
Whose Brooklyn tongue can't form Hindu prayers.
Can I bleach my skin to match my voice?
Can I scrape my tongue to match my face?
I've resigned myself to my fate--
Forever asking the sky
"Njan aara?"
In a language my children will never recognize,
In an accent my grandparents will never understand.
I am what my parents feared I may become;
A child whose soul has turned Westward;
A woman whose only memories of Diwali are the flickering lights.


Details | Free verse | |

First Thing You Should Know 2

First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song.  These 
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache. 
Watching the smoke curl between his fingertips, he wonders.  Is it his body that’s on 
fire or his soul?  Physically he feels fine yet he sees the flames, inside the pain is 
excruciating yet, not a scratch to be seen.  Isn’t that a thought though, not a scratch to 
be seen on his soul.  Why is it that the scratches and cuts that do the most damage are 
the ones you can never see?  How can that much pain not leave a visible mark?  How 
much pain can the soul take before it turns into the story of humpty dumpty, never to 
be put back together again?  Isn’t it funny how you can forget your dying, when you 
have died inside?
First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song.  These 
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache.


Details | Free verse | |

Love Bites

Love bites like the first frost in late autumn.
It kills whatever flowers have survived since summer ended.
The frost slowly seeps into the stem, totally consumes the petals,
then when it least expects it,
freezes them, biting deep into the roots, 
and choking it to death.
Eventually leaving nothing but a dead, rotted weed.

My love for you was like that flower,
and like that flower my heart was wild and free.
Until, one day when I was frost bitten, by your love for me,
which like that frost, was cold and uncaring.

Love bites like frost to a flower.
It hurts everything in it's path.
You know it's coming, and there is no way to stop it.
Nothing lasts forever.





Written by: Kelly Deschler   motif: nature & philosophical    (old poem)


Details | Free verse | |

When Did You Outgrow My Love

When did you outgrow my love?
When did the fabric of my tenderness
Become too tight
Too fitting?
When did the garment of my passion 
Become restrictive?
When did you start to look for new coverings
To clothe the nakedness of your soul?
When?
Tell me…
When did you outgrow my love?

When did you outgrow this nest?
Was it when you found out that you could fly?
Having been nourished, pampered and preened
Your wings of self-esteem
Unfurling to soar on the word wind of my praise…
Was it then?

When did you outgrow my love?
Ah, Hush…my love, no need to speak
For my heart knows the answer well

I know when it all started to take place
I could read your face
The expression you wore
As I helped you dress
That look in your eyes
Belied the lies
That the fit was just right
And so you tugged at the seams
Unraveled my dreams
The stitches undone
My garment you tore
And yet you swore
Alterations wouldn't do
You needed something new
In the dead of night
You took to flight
Undressed, free
For you had outgrown…..
You had outgrown….
ME.

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

When Is It Wrong

When a home you tried to build for so many years.
Has become a sorrowful place, a darkest cave for fears.
No harmonies and joy fill each room everyday.
Was there any good reason left to stay?

When is it wrong to quit a game...
If you started to taste the sweetness of pain.
When  abusive words can't be heard,
Is it when I lie inside the bed of death?

When is it wrong to give up,
I keep confronting my heart out.
Is it enough to just kneel down 
And ask forgiveness a thousand times?

They say it's usual for a couple to argue,
Break one's heart then start anew.
 Let the children suffer and abused...
Isn't it fair to stop the breaking voice?

If I step out...
Will it be a sin to relive a life?
Give this love another chance,
When is it wrong to be right?


Details | Free verse | |

A Forlorn Cry

Why can’t you hear my forlorn cry?
Its restless desire calls out each night
Waiting for you to answer it 
But you ignore my forlorn cry
Only thinking of your own self
Why won’t you answer my helpless call?
Its feeble sound grows softer each day
Hoping you will come to its aid
But you ignore my helpless call
Not thinking of the pain that burns in me
Each time you ignore my forlorn cry
You fuel the burning pain 
I have suffered all my life


Details | Free verse | |

AS DARKNESS FALLS UPON ME

I lie awake while
Desperate for sleep
Time it keeps passing
Yet the hours bleak

I've come to the conclusion
That I must be doing something
Wrong or maybe it's just my 
Patience long gone

I don't know what others think
Before settling for bed
But sure wish I could abandon
these festering thoughts
As the pillow cradles my head

Mostly because of anger
Maybe because of rage
Mostly because I desperately seek
The key that opens this cage

How am I to love a man
Who has no sympathy for my grief
Instead of holding my hand
He shuns and grinds his teeth

What the f*** am I supposed to do
With this disdain for life I feel
Cut the wounds even deeper to see
If by all means it ends or heals


Details | Free verse | |

Lost in Ink Stains

My words are lost in ink stains 
Verses smudged in prints of you 
Illegible scribbles soon fill in lines 
Once paved with love anew  
Now only paperless pain ensues 

An unnatural sequence of thoughts
Scribed in distressed hues of blue
Will re-actively release your grip 
But the pain it can’t undo 
Now only agony grew

My heart hands weep writes of tomorrow  
My paper and pen are tempered in sorrow
My emotions bellow wallows 

Of a mournful mind  
I pray
This too 
Shall pass
In time…



 


Details | Free verse | |

A Letter of Love/Hate

This hurts too much,
Even though at times
Its the best thing ever.
However,  the pain I feel right now 
Is destroying all that I am. 
I feel worthless and dumb. 
Vunerable and used. 
I also feel loved and special. 
Beautiful and wanted. 
These feeling are so extreme in every which way possible.
I love how I feel when with you
I hate how I feel guilty when we part
I love looking in your eyes
I hate when mine cry
Your fingers along my face also touches her
Those lips that drive me crazy
Are sleeping against her neck tonight
I love who I am around you
I hate what I have turned into
I love the way you make me feel
I hate that she must feel that as well
No matter how good it feels
This pain is too much to bear
I love you
I truely truely do
But the hurt is not worth
The random few moments of bliss.
Goodbye, my love-hate lover
Goodbye





**Note**
This is a letter/poem I wrote for someone special. But it moves me so much every time i 
read it, I thought maybe someone else would enjoy reading it as well. 'To write is to share 
with the world, how we all feel but never speak of'     Lisa


Details | Free verse | |

Alive

And we are left here Like maggots—dirty, parentless…devastated Always feeding on the gruel…the cruel Fattening our lives in the moneyless bilk Shocking like a bee sting, yet soft as silk We are the forgotten I am watching the others grow rotten But I am cleansed and raw with glee Because…though blinded with slime…I SEE… I rise to the sound of the agonizing screams Of rapes, murders, of violent fists…weeping minds My definition of true finds… I smile when any possible hope arrives Fate laughs, knowing I constantly scream inside I am amused of it all…I can’t stop laughing As bitter tears began to fall I HATE ALL OF YOU… I WANT TO KILL YOU ALL… But I love that I can take anything From the nothing we have all been labeled The sick, the low…the mentally unstable Watch me roll up in a ball A naughty tease to death’s lull I love your silence… I love your intense fall And we are more alive than any of you We are crazed by your belligerence Aching to be emotionless SHARE YOUR INDIFFERENCE SHARE IT… Give us something to be left with So the others can die As Fate veers its head looking in the mirror Listen to her laughter—do you hear her? She watches and waits To find her maggots have grown wings… Screw your selfish indifference...we fall to fly We are more alive than any of you Though quickly we die


Details | Free verse | |

The Pain of Too Much Beauty


From this place in time
I can  see - only color
and reflections of color
and feel the cameleon nature
of change.

Winter will replace this paradise
scene soon, with whiteness,
grey water, bleached skies,
a monotone to sober thoughts
quell the jubilation and contain.

Life is its own lesson,
and wisdom comes without distraction.
Until all the beauty and the madness
overcomes us once again and we delight in it
completely,
having known pain.

 Suzanne Delaney


Details | Free verse | |

Words Unspoken

                                                  Anger shrouds my sorrow,
                                                  a storm rages deep within.
                                                  Questions without answers
                                                  swirl around my mind.
                                                  Damn! this emotional confusion.

                                                  Why the sacrifice?
                                                  Why the trade off?
                                                  Was it loneliness?
                                                  Was it greed?
                                                  Damn! the sadness I cannot feel.

                                                  Did you love me?
                                                  Were you proud of me?
                                                  Did you even care?
                                                  Why didn’t we talk?
                                                  Damn! your legacy of silence.
                                
                                      Rage! Rage! against the death of the light.
                                      I curse the words unspoken, the truth not shed.
                           Why God?...Why?...Why must we part before the heart to heart?  


Details | Free verse | |

The longest conversation

I forgot Him who stood by me all this time
Now with nothing left I go back to Him
And He soothes me with a soft hand
Strokes my hair tells me its all about to end
My pain  my guilt its Him who's left
He tells me its a choice I have to make
Death is always an option never self imposed
He told me He is not cruel, He loves me a lot
When I cry in the corner , He wipes my tears
Life might be unfair , but death is not
A new beginning is all what I want
He told me I have never let go of faith
Even when I sinned or betrayed
He sighed when I made mistakes
He smiled at the lessons learned
He looked at me when I looked away
He was there to talk when no one was
He saved me from so much that could have gone wrong
I drifted away , He brought me back
He showed me the way , when I was lost
He trusted me but I trusted no one
Now when I gave up He came to me again
I looked for everyone , never thought its Him
Asked Him , how did I find you?
He said I am amongst those pieces of your broken heart
I was shocked , you were here all this time?
Yes I was always in your beating heart
I felt the pain more than you did
Every time you cried, i was crying with you
Did they realize they stabbed me when they hurt this heart
It bleeds with my pain and some of yours
We are one maryam, all hearts combined
Man will never realize , its the same for all of us
You have to keep breaking your heart to discover me
You look astonished , is it hard to believe?
I replied , you dwell in the heart and I have hurt some too
Yes , I felt that more than they did boo
I am sorry , I don't know why you are still with me
Because I can't let you go , you are a part of me
He said , man is guilty but how soon he forgets
I love all , more than a mother who begets
You are scared of hell, is that why you pray?
The fire is more powerful, then the love I display?
You have been given free will to perceive
Fear of my brutality is not what I need
They think I'm unfair , ruthless and cruel
some scared to say , I know , I made you fool
You've made your own ways of getting close to me
Everyway I adore , I acknowledge everything you do
Universe is love , not some punishment and rules
Believe that I am, and the truth appears to you
If I wanted slaves, I would give you no will
Man is made to discover , man is made to choose
I listen and I watch , I never let you go
You are so dear to me,every unique soul
So its your decision now, come see more
Death is just the beginning of what you really are


Details | Free verse | |

Untwisted

Sometimes the memories won’t fade 
         All the places we have seen
         All the prices we have paid 
The memories of the happy as well as the sad 
            The people we’ve lost
           The friends that we had 
Some memories just seem like a ghost 
I always lost everyone that I loved the most 
The wind would just carry them away 
             Along with my tears 
            And my ability to pray
    I wonder how far is heaven from here?
              How many more heartaches 
                 How many more tears 
              I wonder how far it is away
Because I have so many things that I wish to say 
To all the people that I loved and I lost 
             I’m not even tripping 
             My heart paid the cost 
The reaper rode the river in a bikers disguise 
I’ll never forget the fear in my mother’s eyes 
    As he drug her under and then let her go 
Through my four year old veins hate started to grow 
My eyes were blind my ears were deaf 
After that I forgot  
           There was anything left  
Karma is like poker for it is bound to luck 
When I was just a boy 
God through me under the truck 
Of all the things in life we feel 
   We are all bound to God’s will 
Passion is a doorway between love and hate 
    God is the dealer in the game of fate 
              Our place is not to question why 
                       For if we do our faith will die 
            The deeper we hate the deeper we love 
            I was gifted wisdom by the Lord above 
                    Every gift comes at a price 
A world of experience behind my advice 
     Every smile holds a lifetime of pain 
Nothing that happens should happen in vein 
                         It is our choice that which we do 
 Know in your heart these words are true 
The harder we fall the further we climb 
             No ones life is totally sublime 
Illusion after illusion will be offered to you 
                 But only the living word is true 
The living word that beats in your heart 
Will keep you safe as the world falls apart 
Through the pain of a boy watching his mother die 
It’s never to late to kiss the sky
A man of faith who could never give up 
Please come break my bread and share in my cup 
By the time our journey is through 
                      I’ll share all I am with you 
          Hopefully somewhere in my words you’ll see 
              ---Untwisted is truly the way to be---



Details | Free verse | |

The war

I feel this pain inside me and its passing through my veins,                                                          To live a second without you makes me grow deeply insane..                                                 The love we once shared is all lost,                                                                                          You should have known my love came without a cost..                                                            Now all that remains is the feeling of resent..                                                                          My heart is broken beyond amend                                                                                         My strength is drained and my soul is weak, my heart is numb and it will forever be..            I'm not strong enough like i once was and it hurts to see that i can never recover.                I should have remained a heartless soul                                                                                 A stone as i would say is what i should have been more.                                                        Just like a statue you see on a bend, made of rock, brick and cement.                                    But you stole my heart and tricked me,                                                                                    And today i lie here in defeat.                                                                                                  I've lost all hope and i'll never see you again.                                                                          So you can finally say that you've won the war my friend.


Details | Free verse | |

All I Wish Is Peace

"I’ll never understand how people can go on and live
The miracle of finding the strength to forgive
To resurrect peace, to close up wounds so deep
they pierce souls beneath heart beats
To be a willful slave to a loving God’s commands
The key to a freedom that I’ll never understand." -Shad

I am not one for articulate words; Had words be tears, I would write for kings— But here I am, raw with restraint, As you tear our worlds apart. One day I had desired you here, To celebrate your creation far from compare; And the next I bid you gone, Anger tearing my words apart. Now, all I wish is peace… I cannot stand your creations lying to waste, At your expense…for their laments… Wishing only for peace… To replace lament, And replace all… Words— That I can never quite utter…
Feb 18, 2014


Details | Free verse | |

Pronouncing the Dead

How can you look someone in the eyes and tell them it's the end?
How can you possibly do that without shedding tears?
Or even blinking?
Do you not feel it? That pain, that pain that's taking over
Their soul, as you tell them their life is ending?
Or maybe it's just that you have lost your own soul? 
In that instant when you found out that the greatest part of yourself
Is about to disappear,
That its light was about to be permanently extinguished.
Can't you feel it? That sorrow that slowly shutters their hearts?
Or the fear that's taking over their minds? it's a furious fire,
Cutting off any glimpse of hope with its smog,
That fear, its suffocating their soul into its last gasp.
Can't you see it? How that laughter ends sharply, in pain?
How it breaks in half every time, never to relapse into its fullness?
How the darkness stealthily takes over those, once life-filled, eyes?
That following calm,
It's the call of darkness,
Smoothly enchanting their soul into submissiveness.
Until all is in deadly silence,
Their bodies still, their souls forever gone into unknown.
Do your tears come then? Do you feel their pain then?
Do you see it? Or do you stay the same?
Unchanged, unemotional, shell shocked,
And forever unbelieving still?


Details | Free verse | |

Wisps

"Friend,
Mind wandering through misty woods.
You don't understand your purpose.
Friend,
I knew you too little,
Please do not shed your salty emotions,
Not out of anger, not out of sadness.
Friend,
You now lose your way so easily,
You sink, you burst, you burn inwardly.
You weep from frustrations, 
From the guilt of an honest smile,
From pains, that you forget for a moment,
That come swiftly back to haunt you of your loss.
I understand, dear friend.
You once had a light and the woods seek to snuff it out.
Do not fear, dear friend,
Friend follow me, as I once did you.
Friend, now you see?
Yes, you see,
The little wisps in the fog that guide us home."

~In memory of Bill Hamman, and all else who have suffered the pains of Alzheimer's


Details | Free verse | |

The Center's Footsteps

Thoust message rings,
But it is a wretched beauty.
Sew up thine tongue;
It forks in many directions,
Ensnaring, passing through the centers,
Weaving a thread gleaming, deceivingly white,
Yet drenched in the black goo,
The sticky gobs of our source, our blood.
Cast aside thine needle,
Let time make it blunt.
Wallow in thine sorrow,
But only for a moment.
Up, up with you!
The sticky gobs cannot protect thee.
See me, Hear me.
For I see thee...
Thou hast split thine tongue
To hide, to forget.
Thine forked words, black to all, clear to me.
Go on, go ahead,
Walk through its enveloping black.
And when you cannot run,
Crawl.
And when you can’t do that anymore, 
Find someone to carry you.
Thou art strong!
Let thine center give you new feet!
Yet,
If even thine center falls weary,
I shalt be thine legs.
I shalt carry you, my friend.


Details | Free verse | |

Carnivore

The demons are out tonight.
I can feel them running up and down my spine.
It’s nothing but rag water and blue ruin.
They won’t rest until I hurt something or somebody.
I must vent or die.
Better to do it now than wait.
Waiting only causes more pain to those I love.   
The dogs are restless they know I am not right tonight.

I have this razor sadness
That only gets worse when the Southern Pacific pulls out of the world.
There is no place to go and no place to be 
Except with this clanging and sorrow that knows no home.   
I count the tears on the counter and they don’t mean anything.  
Salt and water a sorry excuse for loneliness.  
And the demons they keep peeking their ugly heads out 
Feels like the whole damn town is ready to blow.  
I reach out and tug on someone’s coat and spill over the side.  

Then like metal raining down on your shores it stops.  
I have transferred the pain.  
I am one again.  
And you now suffer my sorrow.  
The demons are happy and I am sad.  
It is life-eating life.


Details | Free verse | |

Timelessness is to Being

My past already lived,
my unknown future is the only place to travel-
beyond paradoxes or predictions,
 I could stand in a world beyond a human life span,
 There to begin again, a quest for knowing.


New languages, new laws, new temptations
or delights. 
 I cannot say how I will travel there,
 whether I step blindly into a parallel universe 
or use  velocity- based time dilation.

My imagination seems willing
but I feel stuck- in theories and Presentism. 
How could there be any greater mysteries
or  beauty  to be discovered?

 I think then of being childless.
 Somehow dreams for some new Utopia
 are cancelled and I

awake and sleeping
hold hands with solitude.

Suzanne Delaney

May 17th.
For Dave's Imagination Contest.


Details | Free verse | |

My Suicidal Refuge

The pain in my chest wont stop pounding.
My salty tears wont cease to flow from my blue eyes. 
I get cut by a razor every time some one tells me the truth.
Yet here I am, once again seeking refuge in your arms. 

It's crazy to think I keep running back to you.
Maybe every one is right and I am just a child. 
Could they be right about me and you?
I hope for my heart they are not. 

They say your a liar, you wont leave her. 
Especially for me they say, and I can tell what they mean.
I'm no where near as good as her. 
I just hope you can see that I would give anything to you. 

The pain and tears would all be worth it in the end. 
If I could only win you over. 
Battle scars left on my pale skin wouldn't matter,
if you were there to kiss them. 

This isn't some fairy tale, I can read from a book.
Its dirty reality where I'm on the front line. 
How I wish I could be the one, who you belonged to. 
Instead here I am fighting behind the scene for your love.



Details | Free verse | |

Prisoner

I sabotage my happiness
with every chance I get
I wollow in my sadness
my fears and my regrets 

I beg for love to claim me
but I am fearful of its strenght
I stop to smell the flowers
but soon forget their scent

I ache for new adventure 
but make no move to progress
I dream of all that could be 
but I am un-inspired yet

I have made myself a prisoner 
in a cell that's dull and bleak
I view the world through Iron bars
as I sit and rot and weep


Details | Free verse | |

Be My Own Version Of Death

wrap your arms around me a little too tight
let yourself be the noose that ends my life
tear ladders in my tights while holding me down
pull a little too hard and drag me to hell
take my heart, its in the center to the left
its yours, my darling, take it right out of my chest
clutch my hand a little too roughly
shatter my bones and call me lovely 
take me to the Eiffel tower, guide me to the top
hold me from behind and give me a gentle shove 
rip my ribs out with your teeth, one by one by one
play them like the grand piano, show them how its done
lather your lips with venom, careful not to taste
kiss me until my last breath, simply watch me break.


Details | Free verse | |

ASHANTI-MEANS LIFE

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS JUST A GIRL
IT INVOLVED A BAD MAN, & IT RESHAPED MY WHOLE WORLD
A NEW SET OF DEMONS WERE INTRODUCED INTO MY LIFE
PAIN,  & SHAME, DESPAIR, ANGER, & STRIFE
THERE WAS GREAT CHAOS IN MY LITTLE SOUL
AND IT GREW, AND IT STAYED, AND INCREASED EVERMORE
THERE WERE NO PSYCHOLOGISTS, OR THERAPISTS FOR THE RAPED WHO WERE POOR

AND THE DREAMS!
OH, THOSE DREAMS
SO GRAPHIC, SO REAL
I BEGAN GOING WITHOUT SLEEP
I BEGAN  NOT WANTING TO FEEL
I COPED WITH THE INNER-TURMOIL IN A NEGATIVE WAY
I GRASPED ON THOSE DEMONS WHO WERE WITH ME
BECAUSE PAIN BEGETS MORE PAIN

AND SO, THIS WAS MY REALITY & THE JUST OF MY LIFE
HURTING BUT SMILING, DEAD BUT ALIVE
THEN, YET MORE CHAOS....WHEN I BECAME MOMMY & WIFE

THOSE DEMONS, MY COMPANIONS, THEY INVITED SOME FRIENDS
THEY HAD TO, THERE WAS MORE OF ME TO SHARE, IN THE FORM OF CHILDREN

BUT GOD......

SAID, “ OK, THAT’S ENOUGH!”
THEN HE BREATHED IN AND HE BLEW......
“HI, I’M JESUS, GOD’S SON,” SAID A VOICE, “AND I DIED JUST FOR YOU.”
“ALL THAT STUFF THAT YOU’RE HOLDING, GIVE IT TO ME.”
THEN HE HACKED AND HE CHASED AND SPOKE AND HE PRUNED
AND WHEN I THOUGHT MY FOOT WAS SLIPPING 
HE SAID, “ MY GOOD WORK IS NOT THRU!  FOR MY LOVE IS ETERNAL.”
“AND WHEN YOU HURT SO DO I.  NOW IT IS MY TURN TO RESHAPE YOUR LIFE.” 

YET ANOTHER VOICE APPEARED, AND IN A WHISPERED HE SAID
“ I AM GOD.  I’M YOUR FATHER, AND I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!”
“ I’M GONNA TURN THAT PAIN INTO PRAISE!”  THEN HE GAVE ME A TOUCH!

“THIS IS HOLY SPIRIT, AND HE IS ALSO ME.”
AND SINCE THEN, MY NAME’S BEEN CHANGED TO ‘BEAUTIFUL PEACE’.
OH, LIFE ISN’T PERFECT, AND I AM STILL QUITE FLAWED
BUT, I AM NOW ALIVE, AND I’M LIVIN’ WITH GOD

AND MY FAMILY IS  BLESSED
NOT DEMON-POSSESSED
MY WAYS ARE THE LORD’S 
AND I’M FREE FOREVER MORE


Details | Free verse | |

True Agony

I have drunk from the cup of Sorrow,
Yet my thirst has not been slaked.
So I drink from the cup of Pain,
And I have slaked my thirst at last.

For I now bear the fruits of agony,
Because I have drunk from both cups.
I know Pain,
My closest friend.

I know Sorrow,
My dearest comfort.
I can not turn my back to the pain,
Nor to the sorrow.

They are my allies,
And yet, they are also my enemies.
I can not run from either,
But nor can I stay with them.

My heart is broken,
I know true agony.
For my friend, my mentor,
You are now the deceiver, the traitor.

I will walk this earth,
Bearing both pain and sorrow in my heart.
Nothing will ease my burdens,
For now I am the bearer of Agony's greatest triumph.


Details | Free verse | |

Loose Change

I dig into the open wounds of self preservation,

and hear

                   ...from way over there,

my love jingling in your pocket

as if it were the loose change 

in your wet dreams. 

You were always numb to the mirror,

taking comfort in the blind eyed 

discontent you've reigned in 

with hard strokes of denial,

making your makeup seem

a little more made up in the dim lighting

of reflection. 

Don't you think? 

It was never about making love,

it was about forgetting.

My hips were a glowing red exit sign,

on the route of 

                           ....screwing life away.

Each moan, a promise that 

even though you were dead inside,

you could still make a piece of the 

world shake. 

Maybe even make something break. 

And that made everything seem

a bit more tolerable...

until I started thanking you 

for the damage inflicted.

The pain I felt, assurance 

that I was alive.

I'm not sure why that 

took the fun out of it 

for you..

I still screamed bloody murder

when you sunk your teeth into

newly adjusted nerve endings..

The pain, more real than ever before.

I guess you never meant to 

take a ride with someone just as 

damaged as you. 

You were hoping to be the only 

ghost in this city, still bound

to a carnal playhouse. 

But baby..

                I was a corpse long before I had any change to spare.

-James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved.


Details | Free verse | |

Make Me Hate Your Face

I focus on things
that make me hate your face.
Maybe then the pain will fade.

I know deep inside
I care about your life,
but right now I just want to forget.

You don't understand,
never will,
how you've pierced my heart.

I wish I could say
it will just go away,
but the blade cut too deep.

I feel the blood,
it trickles down my chest,
and it draws me to my knees.

I fall to the floor,
pray it will all finish now,
maybe this pain will finally be undone.


Details | Free verse | |

Oh, Baby

You haunt me, constantly
twisting my dreams into nightmares, and
nerve-racking my mind at the sight of pampers.
Approaching forty, mother of none:
why couldn’t I give birth to more than a hope?
Happily single, despite what you say, without
dealing with a kid who’ll only grow to hate me,
the crumb-snatcher taking from my plans and pay,
but....
I’m so damn lonely and you know it.
You,
you with your what-ifs and would’ve-could’ve-should’ves,
not allowing me to soundly sleep,
making me carry that weight,
with a life as empty as my womb,
tormented
by immoral choices that
stopped your possibilities.
I can only
now say:
“Mommy’s sorry.”


Details | Free verse | |

A Fluttering of Wings- Part I

She seemed restless
Their gilded cage of love
That she had begged him
To imprison her in
With the bars of his passion
Seemed to be confining now

She never said anything
But he knew…
She felt different to his touch
He saw those wistful glances
Past the bars to the outside
And his heart bled

So he unlocked the door
But left it shut
Watching if the latch
Would show tell-tale signs
If the door would give away
Any secret whisper
Of an attempt to escape
His love

Days passed and there
Was no sign
No whisper
And yet…
At nights
Long after he pretended
That their love making 
Had satisfied his hunger
He lay there quietly
Still hungry
For all that she was not giving him
Her soul

He heard her sighs of discontent
Long after he thought sleep had claimed her
And in the dark of that night
He prayed for strength
To carry it through

Every night
For next few days
He left the door just a little more open
Than it was before
Wondering….
If she would notice
If she would break free
He was risking his life
He knew it…
But he would not keep her
Against her will
He was not that kind of man
And she would not ask to leave
She was not that kind of woman

On the third night
He saw her eyes fix
On the half open door
A curious mix of wonder
And perplexity
Played on her face
He quickly turned away
Bur he felt the question
Lingering in the air
The sheer longing in her eyes
Burning in his mind

That night
She was on fire
Her love a blaze of passion
She responded to his every touch
Electrified
Energized
Feeding off his desires
Giving
Asking
Pleading
Screaming
Satiating him
Beyond imagination
She pleased him
In every way he had ever
Imagined
Had desired
And it was all he could do
To wait until
He knew she was ready
To reach that place
Where intensity rules 
And everything else
Is subjugated
They were now fused together
No beginning and no end
As wave after wave of 
Of pulsating ecstasy
Engulfed them

He slept then
Satisfied
Content
His premonitions buried
In the world of dreams
Until a stray ray of light
Fell across his face
And he opened his eyes
To find himself…. Alone
Alone
She had flown
And left a single feather
To remind him
Of her angelic form

Continuation in Part II


Details | Free verse | |

Have My World

I set fire to the caskets of your ever-burning shame
Crossing lines that were smothered in yesterday’s rain

Holding onto words that scorch my spirits 
My happiness to you living hell
Pulling me apart, smothering me
Telling me you love me but not showing me

You are like the first Twin Tower that fell,
Shattered and torn by foreign enemies
And I am soon the next to fall…
By the remnants of your grimace-laced tantrums
Shackled by your negativity 

It is a wonder one can sleep at night 
Feeling the dampness of self-pity you wallow in
Comparing and despairing… always comparing
I thought I knew you like a favorite subject
I thought I could be myself
But everything that is me is shredding you to tears
And I sigh, ached by your fears
Burying my talents so that you may stand tall
So that you can shine in the glimmers 
Of my poignant fall of sobs and shivers

…

I lose everything in the wasteland of your dots
Quiet descention weighing the worries
Keeping them down and in a flurry
Crawling around me, feeding the decay 
To never hear the voice behind those words
I love you… I LOVE YOU…
I scarcely know you

Kiss my shards that have once been whole
Cradle industrial waste because I can no longer taste
The tears you shed that are too fast for me to wipe
Burying me against the sharp rocks tonight
And you run away…you always run
That is all we ever do, you see

I am a happy person,
A content as ever being inspired by the galaxies surrounding me
Exhaling the laughter of my comrades
But there… in some dark distance…
I hear the high-pitched frequency of your tidal waves of envy

You can have my world…
You can have my fame…
I am heading to space,
Where I may find solace alone
And for once taste
Freedom from your stark embrace
Wanting me for yourself to fill in your space

Have you ever stopped to wonder why I am still around? 
I care for you beyond light and sound
But ever  for that—you hated, jeered and spat
Crumbled as you play the victim
Becoming an enemy I can only learn to love

So I hand this world to you
Where both of us have fallen
You can have my world—my words
But you cannot have me….. 

-June 2, 2014-


Details | Free verse | |

Discrimination

Surronded by meanies
Not knowing what they do
Hurting a pride
Without any care
Knocking down feelings
With a hammer of words
Slamming hate on you
Like a slate and a nail
Waiting for another
Unsuspecting victim


Details | Free verse | |

why does it have to hurt so bad

Why does it have?
To hurt so bad
When we all know
That in the end
We’re nothing but sad
Falling in love
You think you’d be happy
Like nothing else matters
We become all sappy
It starts out amazing
When it feels so real
But all that we’ve been handed
Is just such a shitty deal
Play your cards right
And you will see
Nothing will ever
Turn out right


Details | Free verse | |

Is Death such a bad thing?

Is death such a bad thing?
Its the end of all the pain and suffering,
If you could see the end of all your tears,
Death is not so bad, But I cant think clear.
Is death such a bad thing?
It would stop all the pain of a broken heart,
It would be an end of all the bad things,
Of not knowing what to do, or where to start.
Is death such a bad thing?
I'm not quite sure,
I think I would just stop breathing,
For all my sadness to end death is a cure.  
Is death such a bad thing?
When it keeps your best friend,
When all they had left,
Was endless suffering.
Is death such a bad thing?
Where loneliness would be at bay,
Death is not so bad you see,
It took all the bad things away.


Details | Free verse | |

Open Call

Business is booming and there's no end in sight, Death came to a huge 
decision tonight.

He called in his partners Pain and Sorrow and said "we're holding auditions 
tomorrow."

"Auditions, Pain asked, what are you looking for?" For a third partner and he 
reached for the door.

The very next morning hanging there on the wall, was a huge flyer 
reading "DEATH'S OPEN CALL"

Come one come all but you better give your best audition, because we only need 
to fill one position.

As the day moved along Sorrow watched in disbelief, next in the line was his old 
buddy Grief.

Grief walked in and handed them his lengthy resume', thank you for coming 
friend you'll know by the end of the day!

The auditions had been going on steady for hours, the decision would be tough, 
they all had great powers.

Next in line would be Misery and he gave them his best, "Thank you for coming, 
wait outside with the rest".

Death having some free time sat in on the last few, after over 1000 auditions it 
was now time to choose.

Death left the decision up to Pain and Sorrow; they would just fill him in by 
tomorrow.

All that he asked was they used their best discretion, when suddenly in walked 
the vixen Depression.

With eyes dark as night dressed all in black, she walked to the stage and the pair 
just sat back.

She said, "Am I too late for this open call? I just happened to notice the flyer on 
the wall." 

We'll give you a shot now show us what you can do; this is only because we've 
both heard of you.

They told her to give it her best shot and that's just what she did, for her first 
victim a sweet little kid.

His name was Billy he was only 13, she found him alone sitting out on a swing.

You see he had just lost his parents in a huge fire; to be with them again was his 
only desire.

She climbed in his head and she did her thing, Billy took his life right there on the 
swing.

"WOW" they exclaimed lady you are good, come with us now to see the "man with 
the hood".

A new chapter has started with Death’s open call and it all started will a flyer on 
the wall.

No longer a trio, now a quartet, a new force to be reckoned with this you can bet!


 


Details | Free verse | |

Wishing Heart

Wishing Heart


No more pain inside your heart
No more sorrow in your soul

Of all the things I could wish for
My wishes are for those

No more tears for you to cry
No more sadness in your eyes

No more doubt
And no more pain

To see you standing tall
Washed by your own laughing rain

Of all the things I could want for more
My wishes are for you

Though the scars will still remain
For me to heal them once again

To see you as you were meant to be
A beauty who is free
I would give my heart and my life
To see you as you were meant to be

Free of the pain inside your heart
Free of the sorrow in your soul

Of all the things I could wish for
My wishes are for those

Free of the tears that you’ve cried
Free of the sadness in your eyes

Free of the doubt
Free of the pain

To see you standing tall
Washed by your own laughing rain


Details | Free verse | |

Painful Sorrow and Loneliness

I’m sitting on a park bench…in the rain
Crying, with no one to console me…
I lost my family…and I lost my friends
And what’s worst is that my love left me…
I never knew that loneliness could hurt so much
And I never thought that it could happen…to me
Well I guess I was wrong…

These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!

Now I walk home alone…with nothing
On my mind, except for misery…
I sit in the corner…where it is dark
So that I can escape reality…
I never knew that sorrow would hurt me at all
Because I believed that I was too strong for that
But I guess that I was wrong…

The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!

These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!


Details | Free verse | |

Your Ferocious Gaze

I crossed the path,
To meet your gaze.
Such a ferocious gaze.
It bore anger down upon your prey.
Curious horror came across my face.

I pulled you aside and,
Far, far away.
To find out why
You were after that prey.

I wanted to cry,
For the pain that showed in your eyes.
I grasped you close,
Oh so close to my breast.
To shush the beast inside.

The beast raged and roared,
To stay high above your best.
I hoped to clam him, 
At least just a little.

To my surprise,
The beast I did sooth.
Back came you.
Your soul came flying free.
To finish taming thy beast.

Away went the beast,
Away went the ferocious gaze,
Away went the look of curious horror from my face.
Came falling down, the invisible tears of yours.
And mine did follow, as visible as day,
Because of the pain I sought,
In Your Ferocious Gaze.


Details | Free verse | |

The Arms of a Stranger

The odor of warmth and affection,
The feeling of love and protection,
An isolated heaven of love;
I lay in his arms like an angel,
Like a white dove,

At the moment,
I am living an endless time
Of eternal happiness,
Life seems to be everlasting…
Life now, is a colored painting 
Of smiles and joy,

Words slithered between his lips,
Like tiny insects sliding on the petals
Of a bright-colored flower,
I contemplated his beauty as 
I heard his tender voice whisper,
“Thy beauty is like the azure sky.”

Perfection is what I am seeing,
His words kept on repeating
In my head;
In his arms I lived another life…
A nirvana created by his glaring eyes,

“Thy beauty is a mosaic picture on the walls of heaven,”
His words swayed like the dancing waves…
I lay there inertly,
With a river of feelings penetrating 
My soul like an addictive kiss of his,
I smiled…   

--------------------------------
My feelings suddenly shifted,
I felt tiny droplets of water condense
On my cheeks,
Were they tears?

My anguish was immense…
Sadness and grief formed
A body of confusion that mystified 
The fantasizing feelings I had felt,

Here I was,
In your arms;
My ally, the person I shared my life with…
You held me tightly trying to ease
The pain I was feeling,
The pain created by you…

The tears in my eyes created a reflection of
My sufferings,
The sufferings that tend to draw a continuous
Picture of your betraying eyes…
I cried and cried as I felt your arms
Hold me tighter,
I felt no comfort at all…

I closed my eyes trying to place myself
In “his” arms again,
The arms of the stranger 
That allayed my soul like tender music,
Like a harmony created by the soft,
Emerald leaves that danced with the wind…

I smiled again…






 
  


















Details | Free verse | |

Hell Train

This train of pain stop’s at every
Train stop

Seeking all that want to step on
Board

You can buy a ticket or ride free

For he welcome one and he
Welcome all

Twisted faces cries out in a
Relentless cry

Welcome all and I want all

Screams of pain yell to the
Mountain tops

The pain clamps deeper with
With a eerie growl

He said let’s go for a ride

All Around the track and hence
Forth back again

Pain” O” pain run from me I
Swear I will be careful the 
Next go round

Give me peace and  make my
Body free

From this painful drunken state
Am in

For my eyes are blurry

My limbs is crackin”

So much pain for one to endure

The pain is cutting into my heart

It’s piercing through me like a
Sharp knife

Can’t you see my heart is losing
Blood

Drip, drip, drip my blood
Is Rushing and running on the
Floor

Please, Mr. Conductor stop this
Here train

All this blood is making me sick

Let off, “O” let me off

Know getting off you just enter
Into hell...


Details | Free verse | |

Cutting

The corner of the room
Is as dark as night itself
There is where I find my comfort
There is where my pain will be rescued

For in this corner is a table
And on this table is a knife
On this knife is many bloodstains
From previous actions that have occurred

Slice once, it stings only a little
Slice again, ahh the pain is such a relief
Slice a third time, oh watch how the blood comes out

DRIP!
DRIP!
DRIP!
Oh watch how the blood comes out


Details | Free verse | |

Courage

Only certain people possess the strength to be great
Each and everyday you have to unbend what they tried
to break. You have to be very aware of what
is at stake so you fake your way through because 
you can't let a hint of the pain escape. 

It takes a day by day fight and sometimes 
the inner turmoil starts to boil to the surface.
When the doubts come about all you want to 
do is lay low and off the radar like a hidden 
criminal but everyone notices. They point you 
out and quickly collect the amount just so they
can step over you and make sure you never
amount to anything. 

It's when your beaten down that
it hurts the worse god isn't watching now
so that's when the devil lays his curse.
All the good fortune disperses and your so low
that your plastered to the ground like cement
It's after all the pain and the falling down that
you find yourself. It's after your been scarred
that the courage unfolds and lets itself be known.
Now you are whole.  


Details | Free verse | |

The Real You

Thru darkness unknown to you
you speak the truth
but no one hears
You're all alone in a world of dreams 
but you can't wake up
No one knows you're gone
The pain you hold is a secret from all
Nightmares played all over again
But no one knows the pain your're in
"I know how you feel," they tell you
But you know they'd never understand
the true meaning of alone
You reach out for someone to talk to 
but no one is around
Silence fills air
Trust is something they take for granted
Whispers fill the universe
No one ever keeps their word
They don't really mean what they say
They keep their sheilds of lies
No one knows what true pain is
Everyone regrets their past mistakes
But only the future matters
Nothing you do will ever change that
So why stay so involved
The future is your life ahead


Details | Free verse | |

THERE'S A MONSTER IN MY CLOSET

There's a monster in my closet. 
It lurks around waiting for me 
to sleep. 
It peeks through the crack in 
the door.
It's angry and dark.
It destroys what it does not like 
and in the end it destroys me.

The monster is becoming 
impatient.
Soon the closet doors will open 
and it will release it's anger on 
everything that has ever hurt 
it.
But the monster knows if this 
happens, it could end up 
hurting itself.

My eyes flutter, trying to send 
me to sleep.
But I hold my eyes open, 
contemplating what would 
happen if I let the monster 
free.
Would that destroy it? 
Or would I turn into the 
monster?

Every night, me and the 
monster have tea parties as I 
let it slip into my mind only for 
the night.
In the morning it returns to the 
closet where I make it stay.
I remind myself not to open 
the doors, I don't need to 
change.
What I'm wearing is fine. 
This outfit hides the monster 
inside of the closet...

Every failure, every bad name, 
every embarrassment I throw 
on the monster. 
The monster despises me. 
Why can't I let this monster 
free?

Only when I am alone I can let 
the monster breathe for no one 
is there to receive it's pain 
except me.
I am alone with the monster.
The monster in my closet.

I hold back the monster.
I hold back the pain.
I hold back every tear and 
every punch hoping it will go 
away but it only makes the 
monster stronger.

Will the monster ever go?
Will it ever be free?
Will it ever destroy me? 
Or is it already destroying me?
Slowly. 
Slowly.
Through the mind.
It lurks in the closet.
It peeks through the cracks.
Foreshadowing the monster's 
RELEASE.


Details | Free verse | |

Castle in the Sky

MOUNTAIN SKIES
 
I want to feel the mountain top. 
Kicking my last shadow to a complete stop. 
Swallowing the clouds in the sky
 
No one to get me down from this mountain high
A shallow grave I dug, when I feel the need to hide
A danger zone, where all UFO's collide 
 
Now, I found a sweet place, when no one is around 
High on this mountain, hidden in this castle, I cannot be found. 
Watching all that slithers from top to ground. 
 
The smile you once put on my face, 
Is now lost somewhere in the mountain trace
Finding myself paranoid without truly amazing grace. 
 
This out of balanced place, is drying up my cries
A boundary, beyond the castles and mountain of lies
One cherished memory of your hazel eyes
 
Somewhere near heaven's broken walls
No one but God, can hear my calls
My pain flows above mountain waterfalls. 
 
After trips,  I have fallen down 
Inside I feel as if only I own this ghost Castle town
No need to save me, from the moat when I drown
 
Just one last AIR BALLOON RIDE
Beyond the castle on every mountainside 
A kiss of death sealed up high
Far away from what I use to call, Cloud Nine
~Finding A New Castle In The Sky~

By;-)


Details | Free verse | |

Do You Remember

It started with a silent night;
As the winter winds howled outside,
it took only a few seconds;
And all of a sudden the tears began,
Like a rushing river they flowed from my eyes-
Because all of a sudden I knew;
And I was afraid.

Flying out of the bed,
I ran and ran;
I couldn't stop,
So I kept going and going,
And when I had found it-
the deepest darkest place in the house,
I curled up and hid;
Because I knew!
About the pain-
of...death;
All too frightening,
I couldn't hide the fear anymore!
Of being forgotten,
Of being alone,
The fear of every drop of my blood-
Falling in vain..

It took all too long to realize;
The cuts were getting deeper,
And the chains clenched tighter,
Like the teeth of a viper around my throat-
And the thing I feared more than all else,
Had almost taken me within its grasp;
And with each passing day, they came,
Another infinity of sharp red lines on my wrist-
But no longer would I endure,
No longer would I choose suffering!

Because, I was..tired of being afraid,
Tired of all this pain;
What was it all for anyway?
To endure? To live on knowing that I made it?
The fear had been merciless;
And I wouldn't confine myself to this any longer,
Because; I figured it out...

People were made to be free.

The world used to be meaningless,
Life had no point to me- but then,
I thought; And my wondering brought discovery,
And that discovery became an epiphany;
My epiphany! Dare I say it,
The fear of death was left behind;
There was only one cure for my condition-
They called it inspiration.

And I knew from that point on how to conquer death,
Memories- dearest memories- of me,
Would have to stand the test of an eternal clock;
It always ticked, on and on,
And I created, ever passionately,
So that people might remember,
Even after such a mournful passing,
And only one question remains:
Do you remember?


Details | Free verse | |

Pienso, quiero y desearia

A veces, quisiera gritar,

Quisiera correr,

Quisiera reir,

Quisiera llorar,

Quisiera morir,

Quisiera iluminación,

Quisiera vivir,

Quisiera escapar,

Quisiera revivir...


A veces, pienso en ustedes,

Pienso en espacio,

Pienso nublado,

Pienso oscurecido,

Pienso esclarecido,

Pienso en transparencia,

Pienso en huesos,

Pienso en naturaleza,

Pienso en actuar,

Pienso en todo...


Desearía volver a amar como antes,

Desearía saber más allá,

Desearía expresar más de lo normal,

Desearía unas manos agarrar,

Desearía en hombros impregnar,

Desearía contigo llorar,

Desearía contigo caminar,

Desearía tus abrazos recibir,

Desearía mi corazón de plata y titanio arreglar,

Desearía mi mente repasar...


Desearía que no me traicionaran,

Desearía con besos y amistad despertar,

Desearía en un paraíso soñar,

Desearía a todos concientizar,

Desearía a todos impresionar,

Desearía construir nuevos horizontes,

Desearía adversidades borrar,

Desearía romper leyes,

Desearía ser libre,

Desearía a todos ayudar,

Aunque me cueste la vida...


Pienso en querer el deseo infinito,

Quiero un amor eterno,

Deseo uno amistad inquebrantable,

Para no morir más...


Details | Free verse | |

Generic Minds

generic minds listen to generic music
have generic thoughts that are unknowingly abusive
watch generic things talk about generic things
gee this generic *****is spreading like a disease
better get your flu shot 
thats what they said to me
a suicidal vaccine 
a subliminal killing spree
its contagious and the outrageous
thing about it is that the people are blind in an eye
that they didn't even know they had
it's sickening to watch these clueless civilians 
inside the looking glass
with nightmares of being free
without a key to their mind
for it is trapped in the frequency
in the illusion of time
bathed in our universe
killing all that refuse to see
those that admit to hypocracy
or see the message in hip hop
how cant you see
the message in the lyrics that
bring adolescents to their knees
from bullet wounds conflicting their flesh
contradicting that they're the best
but the songs keep telling them that they dont need no rest
that they dont wanna go home
that they should ride alone
with the gat as their only companion
and so the only path they choose is the one that they're told
until they grow old and hope turns to a window pane
inside a window pane, until all they feel is pain
they realize that the music itself is ashamed
so whats to look up to
when you cant even speak when you cant even walk because you look so bleak
your eyes are sunken from the tv you're infested with the dee zees
now its too late to turn around and live for your conscious
so when youre screaming oh please
close your eyes and bring your mind to life
open your eyes for the first time
and never wonder why
since the answer this entire time
has been inside
and you better find it before you die
you dont want your soul to be in a pool with all the others
a buncha brothers missing their mothers
but only seeing strangers
only feeling the haters
wishing they would have used their minds when they had them
and now its too late,
now it's time for another new born fate to grab them


Details | Free verse | |

Devil's Hidden Ranch

DEVIL'S HIDDEN RANCH

Coyote howl, dogs growl
Gunshots, dead cow
Red barn left unlock
Horse shoe upon death's door
Tequila in a cup
Salt of cocaine, shadows of insanity
Guitar string, sad song
Bandit near the door, wife on the floor
Hallucinating---Reality
Yelling out her name, he's gone insane
Loaded gun, life is done
Far and near ending his intoxicating fear
The road under the sun
A coward in his path
Responding to the Devil's wrath

In a Hidden Ranch in Mexico!!!!!!
       
:)   SKAT


Details | Free verse | |

The Color Missing

The Color Missing
Red, black, and blue are the colors of our work pens. Red is the color of the blood we spill on other people’s mistakes.  Blue is the color of the songs we sing on tax forms or pay stubs- every page has a secret melody. Black is the color of the streets we fear most. Black is the color of our signature of approval. Black is the color of our death.

‘But what about the Green pens?’ I ask. They say ‘the ink is too hard to see.’


Details | Free verse | |

Life Sentence

Feeding hungry skins with empty tins/ 
Consciousness bundle up ape spiritual vomits/ 
Stories left untold only the bold shuffle words in sharp tones cutting sweet tongues/ 
Lifeless rhymes reflecting muscles-less babies rolling stones building prison homes/ 
Plan is to keep them stoned/ 
Restrictions refilling holes this hive is cold/
Unchained soldiers imprisoned by goals planting the return of sharp codes/ 
Turned into jail masters/ 
Electrifying memories kept safe worries staged silently with bombastic hallelujahs/
No hope you just get old/
Brain stains unfold its the life sentence zone/


Details | Free verse | |

Listen to Me

You never listen
Yes I know it's true
I see you try and deny it
How's that working for you?

I will say one thing
You will hear another
I will try to fix it
The misunderstanding you see

I just got in trouble
(Sigh) I told you so
They never listen to me

They say they do 
And I know they try
But all I want to do is scream
"JUST LISTEN TO ME SOMEONE PLEASE"

All I asked is that you think
What is real?
Do I ever ask this?
Will I ever again?

All I really did
Was ask
For friend

All I want
Is to be free
Free to listen
And free to be me

Sadly though
You'll never see
Just how much your 
Not listening has killed me

I have tried
Really I did
I know that I'm not eighty
I know that I'm not nice
But the only thing I asked 
For was five minutes (at the most) of your life.

I'm sorry that you failed
I'm sorry that I tried but
Mostly I'm just sorry that
I'm not sorry,
Not anymore.


Details | Free verse | |

Heart of the Sea

           Essence of salt and waves crashing
           The World of the Sea has a heart
            Careful not to offend thee ~

            The spills of oil , nuclear waste
             Drilling and mistakes, 
           Man infused sewage and waste 

           The capture of Fish while Dis guarding a life of a Dolphin
           The Sea and its very Mystery is crying as all fish dying
           Is there a place and time where we stop and love what was given

          The Heart of the Sea not to ever be underestimated
          For when sadden great wrath will fall in sequence with wind
          Water and Wind can create its Heart broken fiercely without mercy

          What have we done to create this disharmony 
           It is not hard to see as Tsunamis and Hurricanes such as Katrina unfold
           It is the Heart of the Sea Broken , The heart of the Sea Spoken 
    
           We hear her Heart , we feel her wrath , 
                The Heart Of The Sea ...this Heart cries 
                    This Heart is angry , will we take responsibility ?


Details | Free verse | |

Burning Questions

Like search for soothing green pastures,  
In the heartless dry heat of summer months,
And running after a shimmering, ever elusive mirage,
Why are human relations increasingly getting brittle?

Increasingly narrowing and stifling humaneness,  
Like searching for an oasis in a desert,
Our life journeys becoming longer but more lonely,
Are these signs of social progress we wanted?

May be, poisonous gases of global warming 
Are less harmful than invisible winds of inequality 
that discreetly spread scourge of excessive greed,
Is this not the result of collective selfishness of us?


Comment: Perhaps, inequality of any kind is root cause of human suffereing.
Mohan


Details | Free verse | |

My Boredom Disease

Like sick allergies, 
Boredom can be passed around
I call it: THE BOREDOM DISEASE

Like a horrid storm,
Boredom can catch you off guard
Hold on for DEAR LIFE!

Like the whooping cough,
Boredom can be serious
If I were you, I’d
Get a vaccination ! 


Details | Free verse | |

An Elephant's Heart

They say an elephant
Never forgets-
I put memories in poetry
So I'll never forget-
An elephant weighs
Ten thousand pounds;
A picture carries
The weight of
A thousand words-
A poem is a picture
Without a frame,
Creates an image
In your mind,
Creates an idea,
An emotion;
Creates- something-
In your heart...
I don't know how much
The heart of an elephant
Weighs, but they say 
Grief can break
An elephant's heart-
I suppose that's the 
Drawback to
Remembering...


Details | Free verse | |

Memories

 
My lips laugh/smile even in pain,
Whenever I remember those memories,
Those past moments,
Even for a moment itself,
I had got life with smile,
My days were in your lap/embrace,
I had spent my nights in your arms,
Today when I remember those moment,
Those moments force me to forgot all my sorrows,
My lips laugh/smile even in pain,
Whenever I remember those memories,
Those past moments,
You were putting your head on my shoulders,
You were hiding yourself by my chest,
By coming into my shelter,
Breaking/losing yourself in me like a glass,
Today when I see those scenes,
It vanishes the loneliness of my heart,
My lips laugh/smile even in pain,
Whenever I remember those memories,
Those past moments….


Details | Free verse | |

One More Day

Another new day has begun
and I've been given one more day
to feel the pain I always feel
from knowing that I don't belong
and that I should have never been

Another chance to mourn my dreams
as I watch them laid to rest
and wait for death to come and trade
this earthly hell for one that's earned
with the sins that are my own

Yet one more day that I may cry
though countless tears I've cried before
again examining the faults
that I regretfully possess
within this useless bag of flesh

Another day for me to swim
in the pool of my self hate
though I've been hated all my life
no one could ever hate me more
than I already hate myself

I've gained more time so I can think
about that which is wrong with me
and everything thing I cannot change
for I have tried and always fail
to change what is just meant to be

Then again it's one more day
that brings me closer to the end
of my pain and worthlessness
when I'll no longer have to face
the darkness that consumes my mind


Inspired by Sami Al-Khaliti's  The Cynical Heart contest


Details | Free verse | |

what a sacrifice is called

In times of stress
In times of tension
In times of rough
I use it to fight down my enemies
I use it to defend my love
With my power, with my strength
In times of betrayal, in times of lies
In pages of cruelty
Are tests from God Almighty?
Will I pass or have I failed?
It is all written and I shall not be replied
But in mercy or in pain 
I’ll use it
I’ll use it to fight down my enemies
With my faith, covering my heart
With its power, I’ll guide them
I’ll protect them through
With it’s charm, with its beauty
No matter what It would take?
I would devote my soul to you 
I would cause a life energy transfer 
For you…. Just for you 
I’ll do the tasks that are impossible to make
I’ll live the life that would pain and hurt
For you …
For you’re breath taking eyes
For you’re injury healing heart
For you’re life sacrificing mode
It is you that I chose to give all things
It is you that will open your eyes again 
It is you that will run and enjoy your life
It is you that will bring flowers to my grave
It is me that will close her eyes
It is me that will blackout her senses
It is me that will be waiting for you 
In another place not in this earth
Be sure to be there….





Details | Free verse | |

A Sisters Tears

Broken hearts
Black as tar
A sister’s love burned away
Forever replaced with irreversible hate

Reach for light before the night forever takes
Your soul away
Fight the night, seek the light
Sisters’ love
Can be an unbreakable bond

A soul slowly baptized
In Lucifer’s detestation 
Chipped away until only the shell remains

Once sisters bathing in the rays of life
Separated, in pain, for losing the way
One sister reaching for the other
The other sister stretching her hand down

Down into the very depths of hell
Were Lucifer holds her very soul
And basks in the very pain
He so easily created

Lucifer prince of pain
King of darkness
Walks among the broken hearts
Seeping in his blackened tar
Until the shell is all you see
And the soul is but a memory


Details | Free verse | |

I Will Live My Life

This is the last decision
Of my heart, o dear,
Now your companionship won't be there,
This is the extremity of pain,
Your love was false,
But this God is true,
I have cried in loneliness,
Then I have got (Him),
This keeps happening in the worldly relations,
Even Laila and Majnu,
Are separated from each other,
The tears of loneliness kill here,
Even the destruction hasn't been given to all,
I'll live without you,
Then why should there be any complaints (against you),
I'll bear without you,
The wounds I got from you,
It’s a new time, new season,
Where is faithfulness in this time?
I'll find something new now,
I'm happy now,
I'm not angry with you,
You've chose the path,
That was made for you,
(In this entire Para, the tone is sarcastic)
I feel obliged to you,
That you've left me alone,
Now that I've lost your love,
I feel I've met myself,
Who's got a companionship of a lifetime here?
The one that the heart loves makes you cry…


Details | Free verse | |

The Autumn Affect

There's something unspecific about the autumn nights
A certain shade of color that uplifts my inner child's eyes
Beside a cashmere moon Venus and Jupiter shine bright
Complimented by a sea of blinking infinite twilight
The scent of burning oak lingers in the air from home made fires
Reminiscent of a time when this man was just a child
Careless and so free to dream and any dream to live
Like feathers floating across a field carried by the wind
As a gentle breeze blows through the leaves shivering delightful gloom
Unlike flowers of springtime the disheveled autumn vibrance bloom
Leaves crackle beneath my feet along the skeleton tree path
Where I try to find my peace or a song to make me laugh
The air is so much crisper and also soothing when I breathe it in
Underneath a starry sky and brighter constellations of Heaven
Amidst the trail I pass a lovely couple holding hands
While their children run aside frolicking in a playful dance
An old man and his wife admire the view from a wooden bench 
With smiles on their face as if nostalgia is still their closest friend
Its these specific autumn affects that bring me sorrows and joy
Reminding me of all theses things Ive wanted as a man since I was a little boy 
Its times like these that I wish I wasn't always so alone
Because I would light an fire with my family and call it home


Details | Free verse | |

The Bleeding Roses

Roses in the garden,

Roses in the world,

Barrened roses,

Roses impearled,

But now roses curled...

 

Peach roses show modesty,

Peach roses show gratitude,

However, they are often insincere...

 

Yellow roses seem to care,

Yellow roses show friendship,

However, they are often joyless and jealous...

 

Pink roses communicate sweetness,

Pink roses radiate elegance,

However, they are often unthankful...

 

Orange roses have desire,

Orange roses show their pride,

However, they are often impassive...

 

Purple roses are majestic,

Purple roses express love at first sight,

However, they are often repulsed and unenchanted...

 

Green roses are harmonious,

Green roses carry hope,

However, they are often unpeaceful...

 

Blue roses like dreaming,

Blue roses are imaginative,

Blue roses desire to know the unknown,

Blue roses are mysterious,

However, they are often elusive and unattainable...

 

Red roses are emotional,

Red roses are devotional,

Red roses are respectful,

However, they are often remorseful, sorrowful and mistaken...

 

Gold roses are occassional,

Gold roses like memories,

Gold roses are preserved,

However, they are often misinterpreted and confused...

 

White roses are pure,

White roses have innocence,

White roses are spiritual,

White roses carry secrecy,

However, they are often arrogant...

 

Silver roses are rare,

Silver roses like to grow,

Silver roses convert fantasy into reality,

However, they are often lost and uneasy,

But they seem unpredictable and mystical...

 

Black roses are mysterious,

Black roses are rebirth,

However, they often remain elusive,

They often symbolize death and loss,

But they are unpredictable and silent,

Though, they are often harmed...

 

Roses in  the garden,

Roses in the world,

Barrened roses,

But now roses swirled and twirled...

 

Although, now peach roses are lying,

Yellow roses turning jealous and browned,

Pink roses being unsweet and unthankful,

Orange roses being impulsive and compulsive,

Purple roses being repulsed and revulsed,

Green roses losing hope and harmony,

Blue roses being undiscovered and lost,

Red roses being regretful and voided,

Gold roses bewildered and confused,

White roses losing purity and innocence,

Silver roses turning black and unused,

And black roses silenced and unborn...

 

All there is to see are roses vanishing,

Roses burning,

Roses trembling,

Roses surviving,

Roses aching,

Roses battling,

Roses crying,

Roses suffering,

Roses drowning,

Roses drying,

Roses fading,

Roses trying,

Roses wiltering...

 

All there is to feel are roses withering,

In a bed of bleeding roses...


Details | Free verse | |

Sociedad Aquebrantada

Esta sociedad ciega esta en crisis,

Es la causante de la corrució caótica,

Solo viven de la intención inseguros,

Sin saber qué es la determinación,

Dejándose llevar por una doctrina quebrantada...

 

La sociedad solo vive por vivir,

No dejando legados,

Sino dejando marcas.

Por eso, la sociedad aclama saber,

Pero en realidad no saben nada,

En comparación a los reales sabios...

 

Pero, la sociedad rechaza,

La sociedad reprime,

Y la sociedad restringew a los sabios,

A veces por envidia,

Ya que están cegados por ambición y pendejadas...

 

La sociedad rechaza el ideal de los sabios,

Pero dejan a tontos e imbéciles libres al mundo;

A éstos les encanta vidajenear,

Por solo romper privacidad...

 

Solo pocos aprecian la amistad y el amor;

Otros se limitan a sí mismos y se ciegan;

Luego, se transmutan a incrédulos ambiciosos,

Sin propia convicción...

 

Por eso, muchos ambiciosos y mentirosos,

Recurren a la religión, en últimos instantes;

Pero, en últimos instantes es que éstos,

Mueren en propia cobardía e hipócrita sanidad...

 

No existe tal cosa como perfección,

Solo existe la compleja simpleza o la simple complejidad;

Pero, nada es imposible,

Ya que no hay límites en la posibilidad...

 

Por eso, no todos los que aventuran se pierden;

No todos los que exigen, aplican lo exigido;

No todos los que miran, observan;

No todos los que oyen, escuchan;

No todo el que hiere, merece;

No todas las heridas, sanan;

No todos los que inhalan, respiran;

No toda sonrisa es feliz;

No toda boca, habla;

No toda sangre y lágrima es en vano;

No toda mente y corazón son puros e inocentes;

No todos los que actuan, piensan;

No todos los que piensan, analizan;

No todo el que analiza, siente;

No toda alma es neutral y digna;

No todo el que existe, vive;

Y no todo el que vive, sobrevive...


Details | Free verse | |

The Humans and I

Ones who wage,
Ones who rage,
Ones who take,
Ones who pay,
Ones who craze,
Ones who rave,
Ones who crave…

Ones who fear,
Ones who breathe,
Ones who give,
Ones who need,
Ones who will,
Ones who weave…

Ones who plead,
Ones who beg,
Ones who beseech,
Ones who entreat,
Ones who appeal,
Ones who volunteer,
Ones who disappear…

The ones who follow,
The ones that don’t know about tomorrow,
The ones who don’t deserve the morrow…

The ones who sleep,
The ones who cry,
The ones who live,
The ones who die…

The ones who proclaim,
Those who say they create,
The ones who ache,
The ones who don’t wait,
The ones who hesitate,
The ones who don’t concentrate,
The ones who fornicate,
The ones who procrastinate…

Those who fall in temptation,
Those who get in frustration,
Those who sometimes feel desperation,
Those who keep going without caution,
Those in motion,
Those in tension,
Those losing notion,
Those being poisoned,
Those getting in distortion,
Those following the broken diction,
Those dying like the billions,
Those without unction,
Those washed in the oceans…

I might seem cold,
But it is you who is bold.
I might not express,
But it is you who doesn’t let me progress.
I might not seem like I seek,
But it is you who doesn’t know me…
I might seem like I need,
But it is you who might always be begging on your knees.
I might seem dull,
But it is the one that is fool.
I might not be alight,
But it is you who isn’t truly alive…

I will remain neutral,
I will remain silver,
I will remain gray,
I feel darkness,
I feel light,
I will remain hallowed…,
After all, it is you who deserves no life…

I am a metal hawk,
I am a mountain goat,
I am a silver bird,
I am a gray wolf,
I am a white tiger,
I am a mystic rose…,
I am I…

I’m alive,
And I survive,
You are here,
However, it is you who deserves no life…

Being human does not imply that you have humanity…


Details | Free verse | |

A Survivor's Prayer

                    A Survivor's Prayer

                                    for my daughter Yelena  
                                     and all burn survivors

          Fire...  Burn... Shock... Pain...
          I want to live! I don't want to die!

          O, who can help me?

          I  suffered from pain, distress and serious injuries,
          went  through a lot of tears and too many surgeries.

          O, my God, I am happy that I found You.

          My surgeon who grafted the skin,
          saved my life with his skills.

          O, my God, I know that You sent him.

          I had  rehabilitation for years;
          my body was red with scars.

          O, my God, You help me fight for my life.

          I changed, I'm different, I'm brave, I'm powerful.
          You treated not just my body, You treated my soul.

          O, my God, You gave me a second chance at life.

          I am a not victim, I am a Survivor;
          now I can help people with Your power.

          O, my God, Thank You. I feel Your love and care.

          I am blessed. I love You and I will live for You.


Details | Free verse | |

Winter Season of Life

The brevity of the night aches My pain is cold and empty Long are the nights alone with suffering Before me is a path only I can travel I lift my arms to you oh God in praise As a small child you have always carried me Through fires engulfed in your powerful love As a visible extension of my Fathers grace Death is a destiny that no one likes to speak of Pain has a way of forcing a spirit down to its lowest ebb It garbles the mind torturing the soul of the one who bears it There is pain in life as well as joy, love and happiness Death renders sorrow of loss; during the winter of life Birth is your spring youth becomes your summer Autumn is your adulthood into the cycles of life These seasons keep the earth majestically growing Make every season devoted to helping others grow In the perpetual legacy of heritage we leave behind A map of do’s and don’ts to bring success to our heirs That will carry on long after we are gone The sting of death resides with the survivors left behind Grieving is part of life’s heartbeat, although it is bitter The appointment is unavoidable and a necessary event For the rebirth of all things to come Remember… Loved ones live on through Our memories Carole Cookie Arnold March 2011


Details | Free verse | |

Invisible Ink

"My pen drips of sorrow and on this paper, I write each tear" – A Rambling Poet

Someone once said, “Write not what should not be read…”
He never knew what to do otherwise
for his pen was his only friend, and paper, his face
of which emotions made themselves known

Forbidden love touched his heart,
never knowing ‘til then that it could be 
the ink for which his pen would write

He seized that passion
and wrote ‘til his fingers bled, mindless of the pain,
numb with love.
The pain was superficial after all, just blood on skin
A flurry of letters that grew strength on secrecy…

Ah, but someone once said…
“Write not what should not be read…”

But how badly he wanted to be read…
the only problem is that word called
Betrayal.

Love reveals, love betrayed;
hearts betray, hearts revealed.

It was all a ruse,
to let slip secrets that were never meant
to be known.

The pain now draws from the heart,
bleeding him dry, reaching his soul
to dehydrate him some more,
‘til Death becomes his friend.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

She receives one last letter in the post
-a blank sheet, wrinkled…warped

Was it invisible ink?
On the contrary,
its message was loud and clear.

No words needed at all, just
pure sorrow of a heart and soul 
that wept

…her tears stain that paper now,
never enough to smooth it out.







August 14, 2011  149a219 
--nikko 
for Constance’s Just Write contest :)


Details | Free verse | |

For An Abused Child

If I Could Have Gotten Your Embryo
Before You Were Born
I Would Have Sheltered You Safely
and Protected Your Form ...

I'd Have Put You In My Womb
& Flowed You Knowledge Like In A Tubric
& Patted My Expanding Belly
As I Played You Music

And As You Got Ready
To Arrive From The Birth Canal
You Would've Known My Breasts
Would Be Ringing Like Welcome Bells! ...

Eager To Suckle You
Breast Feed My Own Flesh & Nourish
So You Could Grow Strong
... In Love's Encourage

I Would've Held You In Wonder
& So Close Tenderly
Amazed At This Little Bundle,
Breathing, Piece of Me ...

And When You Turned One
Or As You Sucked Your Thumb
Or Eating Baby Food Jars of Plums
... I'd Have Given You Trumpets & Drums

... And Building Alphabet Blocks
& Superman Capes
& Stuffed Teddy Bears
& Oatmeal Cookies & Grapes

I'd Have Read You Stories
From Capt. Adventure Books
You'd Have Known You Were Loved
By My Proud Mama Looks

I'd Have Spent Time With You
Showing You How To Tie Your Shoe
Rocked You If You Caught The Flu
or Any Sniffles You Went Through ...

I Would Have Played With You
& Prayed With You
From Crawling To Walking
Paved The Way For You

Yeah, I Would Have Fussed At You
& When Needed Even Spanked You Too
& I'd Meant: This Hurts Me More Than You
'Cause You're The Little Symbiot, Mama Grew

So, You Would Have Known
You Were Loved & Treasured
You Would Have Known
Your Worth Couldn't Be Measured

Nor Compared To Anyone Else
At Any Point In Time
'Cause You Are The Best
Because You Were "Mine"

* * * * * * *

But I Never Knew You
But Believe Me If I Had ...
I'd A Made Sure You Had 
A Loving Mom & Dad

And You Would've Never Been Abused
Or Treated Bad ...
But From Now On Find Your Joy
To Replace What's Sad


            Written & Copyrighted ©:  9/12/2013 
             by:  MoonBee Canady


Details | Free verse | |

Last Kiss

Open your eyes to the ever turning skies 
I want to here with me through the night 
My heart yearns into your soul 
Burning as if newly lit coal 
I bravely submerg the embers 
That the time I have can be spent with you 
And I remember each kiss every moment 
I was caught in your love that for just this day I remember 
So what happened was a chance for your love 
A time that I kept in a locket tied with a kiss 
 I wanted you to feel, to love, to slumber 
And to awake in my arms with that times kept bliss 
I lay silient in an umber


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Wings

A newborn butterfly just broke out of her cocoon shell.
She spread her orange and black wings
and attempted her first flight.
She not only flew, she soared through the heavens.
The sunlight gave her warmth that she had never known before.

Little did she know, that this feeling would not last.
This monarch would cross paths with an uncaring, ravenous bird.
It grasped the butterfly in it's claws,
and with the bird's hungry beak, it tore the precious wings from the monarch.
A bird doesn't care who it hurts,
as long as it satisfies them.

The butterfly was delirious, from the pain and the shock.
Her beautiful wings were taken away.
She could no longer fly amongst the warm sunlight.
She now only knows the despair and the darkness that she used to be.
Now that monarch has become a caterpillar.
And, death has become her cocoon.


Details | Free verse | |

Thinking Of You

I remember happiness,
No more,
No less,
Only true love.

I imagined,
You beside me...

I remember your eyes,
I remember your lips,
I feel your love,
I know your life...


Details | Free verse | |

over and over agin

sometimes i talk to myself, 
my mind is racing,
i dont know what to do...
so hard to explain.
depression isn't a stage
or a faze some kids go through
it shatters you...
i saw it all. 
she cried silent in her bed,
blood stains covered her favorite jeans,
her every shirt,
long sleeve ofcourse...
she suffered through it all with few people to call friend
and more to call enemy
even more to say where quite dissappointed....
FAT
her first name in school,
not started by a bully
or a mean rival,
but by her sister, 
and it echoed through her soul,
repeating in her mind... over and over again,
like the ripples of still water
when a pebble is dropped
flash frozen in time
repeating,
over and over again...
It was the first name they gave her,
millions where created over the years,
some unique
some repeating again, just as the first had..
gothic they called her,
emo, fat, ugly....worse things.
but in her mind, things where worse.
everything was repeating,
over and over again,
finally she believed it. 
she asked for help, from everyone
tried to explain to parents she wasnt well,
got called a psycho for asking to see a theripist,
not from a teacher,
not from a class mate,
but from her own father, who wouldn't, couldn't,
believe there could possibly be a thing wrong....
finally, crying, she confessed her bloody secret to a teacher.
rather then giving her time,
she is sent back to class crying her eyes out, as if she wherent going through enough...
she is sent to the principals office a few minutes later, after breaking down in class...
the princlipal says she needs help,
sends her and her dad for a risk evaluation,
her dads crying as she shows him her cuts...
they walk into a hospital room, 
it smells of chemicals and hand sanitizer,
the lady at the desk gives her a smile.
then she goes into a room with a lady,
her cheeks are sunken in and shes wearing way too much makeup,
the girl is gaging on her perfume,
and she looks really intimidating....
her dark brown hair looks dead and flat
even though its a bit wavy, 
and she wears somewhat of a mocking frown.
asks her all these questions,
is mommy beating her?
no
is daddy raping her?
no
is she doing drugs?
not alot
is anyone beating her?
pass...
did anyone molest her? 
pass....
oxcarbezapine, trazadone, citalipran, clinazapam, colonipan,
valium, lithium, more.......
and thats what they gave her,
more... 
some numbed the pain
some brought it out
tearing through her organs,
she became an addict by the time she was fourteen....
over dose after over dose
some for pleasure
some for pain,
gashes on her legs getting deeper,
this time she didnt tell a soul,
not even those she had come to call friends....
wakeup she screamed in her head over and over again
as she dropped weight like it was nothing....
you cant controll it she argued as things became worse. 
at age fourteen she attempted suicide,
she didnt quite succeed.
the medication took away her aappitite....
she liked it
she hated her body
hated herself
felt out of controll
found a new way to cope
as she shoved tooth brush after toothbrush down her throat
to keep her body from nuitrients...
as she whent weeks and weeks spitting food into napkins and making excuses 
I ate at my friends house....
spoken as a whisper
heard like a sentance
echoing in her mind over and over again,
along with that word, all the words,
FAT!!!!!!
ugy, anoying, stupid, fake, worthless, nothing...
one bite she would say
rocking back and forth
craving nothing but food
her body racked with hunger pain
one bite and there she was again
FAT!
over and over and over again
back to a toothbrush
this time she sees blood
she saw her ribs
she saw her bones,
it wasnt good enough,
she almost died, again....
choking on this deep dissappointment in herself,
gaging on everything they where pushing down her throat, 
their words, and their insults, their criticism.... their drugs
all shoved down her throat like candy
and just as she was was trained to do she swallowed despite the bad taste
or the hurt
or the fact that at the rate she was going she would be dead soon...
and you know why? 
because daddy yelled 
and couldnt accept what was happening
not because he wanted to hurt her
but because it hurt him,
and she let him believe,
because she could take the hurt if it meant he didnt have too.
because mommy didnt want to sit in her room all day
smoking weed
doing nothing,
practically having us raise ourselves,
she didnt mean to take anger, or frustration or hurt out on her daughter
she suffered everyday in her solitary confinement,
and from a young age she accepted her bedroom was the cage
 her mother had created for herself.
because sister didnt want to effect her the way she did
she was just frustrated
fed up with the way things where
scared, she needed someone to take her cruelty
and to help heal her pain...
because people in school
who where so cruel
had to have learned from somewhere
and she wasnt going to play into their games,
and they knew she was an easy target
because she would never attack someone so weak
and she accepted her suffering was a sacrafice
to help all these people....
to help her dad,
her mom,
her sister,
every person who was beaten abused or hurt
 and felt so weak at home they wanted to feel strong in the one safe place they had.
because depite the fact she had died inside,
and almost passed away on the out,
it was a saccrafice she was willing to make
so that no one else would have to feel that kind of pain,
and they all inflicted it and broke her down'untill there was nothing left but a shell
of somthing that could have been
and never had the chance
and why? 
because she would take it and wouldnt strike back,
because sometimes "just taking it"
isnt so much about the weakness not to do anything
but about the strangth not to hurt others the way they hurt you...


Details | Free verse | |

THE LAST STAND

THE LAST STAND

Where have all my people gone, the Navaho, Lakota, and the Sue.
Smothered beneath the white man blanket,
Chocking for a breath of airs life's sustaining oxygen.
The beating heart of native drums, are stilled frozen,
In the middle of it's rhythmic thumping, no pulses echo,
Can be heard on the open plain.
The weeping women kneel on sacred ground, shedding
A river of bloods tears, burning a permanent scare across,
A baron landscape.
Death's black raven shields itself, under it's crimson soaked wing,
Against shames immoral injustice. 
Greed's unsatisfiable hunger for land and riches fuels lusts desire,
Behold exterminations nay holocaust of the native inhabitance,
  Nothing remains alive except ignorance blackened shadow.
How much blood can mother earth be forced to drink before,
She drowns herself or spits up everything undigested,
 With sheer disdain and hatreds malice intent.
On a black and white chess board the winners takes it all,
Strategies grand masters playing with living pawns.
Treaties written in vanishing ink, promises disappear in thin air,
 Revealing a liars sharpened tongue.
The odds have always been stacked against those believing in fairness.
A rogue tidal wave of humanity has wiped out a nation,
And it's culture within the blink of an eye.
Flights appendages are clipped on the dove of peace, leaving it
Unable to soar above it's own habitat.
Wreckage’s refugees stumble in the ruins after math,
Rapes victims of civilizations civilized,
Are left devoid of their heritages lineage and legacy.
Elders chieftains representatives of a great nation,
Smoke peace pipes in the white mans hunting lodge
In Washington.
As human beings are hauled like cattle's cargo,
Taken to reservations burial grounds. 
Ancient ancestors lit up the heaven's vast expanse,
 By torches flame,
To guide the souls of the dead unto their great spiritual
 Plain beyond.
The pale horse gallops forward without a rider,
And the red people become a phantom tribe vanishing
 Upon the winds shifting tides.
Giving one last final trible battle war cry, 
Why my father but the great spirit answers not.
Behold America's legacy, a world trampled beneath
It's heavy iron fist, all in the name of progress or for the cause
Of Manifest destiny.

BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN


Details | Free verse | |

On A Lonely Bench

Sitting on a lonely bench,

Memories got me blenched,

Your heart I tried to clench,

Though, the rains got me drenched,

From hearts I needed to entrench...

 

Your words not retrenched,

From things I wanted to bent,

While you often tended to bend,

Without letting me mend...

 

You, I tried to fend,

You borrowed and erased te times I used to lend,

Manipulated and used by you,

Pretending to be a friend...

 

From hallows I scended

From errors you descended,

My life wished to be attended.

Even though, you got me expended,

My hands were still extended,

Even though, you got me offended...

 

The times I misspended,

You still condescended me,

Though, the changes were about to be impended,

I was still amended,

And I was still intended...

 

But, I was not comprehended,

Even though, you were condemned and untamed,

While I was aimed to be blamed,

Still, more thing you wanted to borrow and gain...

 

Although, this is the end,

The ways, I will paint,

For the pains to get unbended,

As I contemplate nature and life,

With memories that swayed and portended,

As my soul slowly transcended,

While sitting on a lonely bench...


Details | Free verse | |

Scars left behind

My scars do not define me…
They make me.
They are not wrongs from the past,
they are lessons for a new beginning…
They’ve opened my eyes
to what I was too shallow to see,
too deaf to hear…
and too cowardly to speak…
They are no longer the chains
that would drag behind me…
They are what set me free.


                                                    Jessica Kuilan


Details | Free verse | |

Cigarettes

The first time i picked up a cigarette I told you and you fought me 
because you said they were wrong,
After that i steered clear of them afraid of what would happen if i touched 
them again, afraid of what rage you would put over me.

You were right though they were wrong, but you were worse,
You took over many lands that i owned and stripped me clean of freedom,
you tried taking the one good thing i had that made me feel innocent,
you held me down and took the covering off my body and whispered “trust 
me”,
I stopped you before you went too far and you looked through me angrily,
angry that i didn’t let you, angry that you didn’t get what you wanted.

You tried over and over to get it,
and i fought every time to never let you get it,
You put me through mental hell and physical pain and hate,
after the constant rage and abuse i finally tried leaving,
you grabbed my wrists staring through me with pits from hell for eyes, and 
you followed me home. 
You stalked me and made me hate myself even more,
you blamed me for your mistakes, for everything you did
you left demons under my skin, 
i can’t look in a mirror anymore without seeing “worthless” written on my 
forehead.

The demons live in my head now and they’re never leaving,
they are stuck there, drowning me from the inside out.
I smoke cigarettes and drink a lot now too,
hoping if you ever came back you would not come near me since cigarettes are 
wrong.


Details | Free verse | |

Glisten in the Moonlight

Your glorious emerald eyes 
Glisten in the moonlight 
Glisten in the moonlight 
Delight dances in the water
I watch it joyfully
You are set free from the cage...
You're like a dove soaring in the sky
You are the rain...
drizzling down in ecstasy 
A hint of ecstasy is shown in your reflection...
When you caress me... I'm relieved... 
From the stress that forced me in chains
I knew we'd be on the brighter side of tomorrow 
We're glistening in the moonlight 
I knew we'd become candles in the heavens above us
We're glistening in the moonlight
For a moment, I felt your presence...your radiant with sympathy 
I saw at first glance the dark side of you
Tonight, we'll be together and fly through the horizon 
We'll watch the sunset say its last goodbye...
We'll wave a greeting at the moon! 
We glisten in the moonlight...
What if I was as handsome as the lion...
Roaring with pride and pure courage
What if we were glistening in the moonlight?
Would it bring health to our bones tonight?
Would it make our heart rejoice and overflow with delight?
Would we be able to survive this horrifying plight?
Would we be shimmering like a candlelight?
We're glistening in the moonlight... (6)
Ohh...yeah...ooh yeah...ooh yeahh...
We reach to the stars and hope we can trace a shooting star
I feel the coolness run down my fingers...
We're glistening in the moonlight
You're the dandelions in the fields
You're the gorgeous view that I marvel at everyday
When you kiss me, I live my dreams
We glisten in the moonlight
In a quick moment, I sense a feeling of endless renewal 
I roam inside of your illuminating maze 
Glow on... sunshine... 
Glow on...sunshine...
Glisten in the moonlight...
Listen to the truth and rub it in
You are ravishing like the sunset
But you're ascending while I'm descending
I feel extremely guilty
I wish I could glisten with you in the moonlight
You're glistening in the moonlight (6) 
Ohhh yeahh... oohhh yeahh... ohh yeahh
You're glistening in the moonlight (4)
We go our own way
I wish we can glisten like the moon
Glisten like the sun 
There's a dream concealed inside of me...
Reveal your light and pour it upon me
You glisten in the appealing moonlight
While I'm subsiding... you're fulfilling your dreams
Of gliding across the horizon 
You're independence... keeps on scorching with satisfaction
While I'm below you... 
Your emerald green eyes
Stared me down like a hawk...
Your emerald eyes
Gaze down at me genuinely...
I wish we could flee together in reality...
That could be a possibility
To glisten in the moonlight in glee
We were glistening in the moonlight (3)
But that was only a dream...
I'll pray that it turns into a reality
We were glistening in the moonlight 
Now, I've misplaced my delight...
Will I ever experience such a brilliant night?


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Not Angry

I'm not angry because we broke up,
I'm sad because I can't let you go..
I'm not angry at you for not loving me,..
I'm angry with me for still loving you..
I'm not angry that I lost you,..
I'm sad because I once had you..
I'm not angry that I can't have you,
I'm sad because I know what I'm missing..
I'm not angry that you've moved on,
I'm sad because I can't..
I'm not angry that you won't come back,
I'm sad because I keep hoping you will..
I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to,..
I'm sad because I miss you and I love you...??


Details | Free verse | |

My Love

Don’t know why, everywhere I look,
My eyes look out for just you…
Whatever was present ever,?is still here today, 
I too am standing here,?yet you are the only one missing,
My love… if you had to break my heart,
Then why did you take it anyways?
My love. Come for just the last time,
Sadness hovers all around,
Shade of relief in sight,
On burning sand I wander,
Just in the search for you,
Why did my dying dream?
End up on the brink of search,
Now I just pray that,
I get my share of love,
There was this doll made of glass,
In love with a stone heart,
She broke in such a way,
There’s nothing remaining in hands now.
The heart looks out in there,
Where we made promises,
And worshipped each other,
Yet I stand-alone there today…


Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!


Details | Free verse | |

Tainted words, An illness that consumes

Thoughts of dying inside So much pain I hide No other options in sight Nothing can stop me No longer will I pour my heart into the abyss It come's now, the darkness Suffocating the air so thick with deception Walls creeping closer, encompassing fear Blinding screams ring through my head As mercy abandons me Concealed between the pages Line after line Word after word Losing faith A piece of the whole that will always divide Seeping through my broken soul The silence of demise takes over Inside cries of surreal pain claw my flesh Tearing a once tender heart Drowning in my own bitter tears Dragging chains of broken dreams behind me Sour love songs Blah, there he said, she said shit Like an illness that consumes The ticking of the clock, running out of time Tainted is the grail of hope Now filth runs from its rim Its poison bitter sweet as it passes my lips Bringing with it the promise of eternal nightmares Never waking, forever dreaming, forever screaming All the while knowing the darkness is killing me softly...


Details | Free verse | |

The River Of Life

They walked together side by side -
the old man and the boy
on the bridge across the river
They could have walked thus 
across the river of life
with its eternal flow
I watched them
and thoughts filled my mind
of the un-bridged gap
between their lives

The old man -
with faltering step
he moves slowly on
His life has  been lived
and his house is in order
as he patiently awaits
the call of his maker
What are his thoughts 
at this moment 
as he moves on?

Are they thoughts of pain and sorrow
over some incident in the past
so difficult to bear
that after all these years
the wound is not yet healed?

Are they of someone he loved as a youth
but lost through folly?
Was she beautiful?
Did her eyes sparkle 
like the sunlight 
on the water below?
He looks at the water
sighing deeply
and nods his head

Or is he thinking of the young one at his side
so innocent
so pure
soon to be plunged into a world 
where life rushes madly on?
How shall he fare?
Who will warn him of the pitfalls?

These thoughts plague the old man's mind
and hurt his noble heart
But then he smiles as he remembers
that in his younger days
his eager spirit wanted to taste and feel
the sting of life's joys and sorrows 
by itself

There is no substitute for experience
for though we know we may be hurt
in love or life
yet we walk on toward the very thing
that may hurt us so


Details | Free verse | |

My Spiritual Journey, I'm Still Roaming

I grew up physically abused,
with only grandma to hold on to.
I was a frail child confined,
and couldn't understand the pain I was going through.
I roamed!

In my teenage years,
I was rebellious and out of control.
Emotional scars were souvenirs,
and I felt I lost my soul!
I roamed!

Down a long dark path,
I thought my spiritual journey would end.
Listening to a demonic laugh,
I found myself in prison with no friend!
I roamed!

I cried out to God for an answer,
for the death of my grandma was too much!
Spiritual pain ate me away like cancer,
and I felt God had just lost touch!
I roamed!

Down that dark tunnel of tribulation,
I began to see a spark of light.
I continued forward with determination,
with a stronger spiritual appetite!
I roamed!

Inside behind these evil walls,
I constantly fed my hungry mind.
At times I felt so small,
but mentally I was no longer confused!
I roamed!

I was once weak and frail,
and attempted suicide with a knife.
I fought my way out of hell,
because I now valued my life!
I roamed!

My journey began so long ago,
and the strength of my heart continues on.
I survived a spiritual TKO,
emotional scars remain, but insecurities are gone!!
I still continue to roam!


Written for Drake Eszes contest "I, roam"


Details | Free verse | |

My Future Generation

I can act insane
But DO NOT 
Make me feel worthless

I belong in God’s family
He will bless my future generation

Don’t punish me for
Being myself –
Don’t envy my glee 

I can act like an
Adult, but I’d 
Prefer to have joy…

Not stress…
That piles upon us in our 
Everyday lives

Being childlike is

A rare beauty – 

No one prizes it…

No one came across it…

In this lifetime…

I can laugh all day
I can make you smile
If you’d accept my 
Childlike dreams of mine
Don’t treat me like a sick swine

Renew my young heart
Give me the ability 
To kill the old man…

I have my place in God’s family
He’ll be adored and glorified 
We’ll exchange prayers and hugs  
By my future generation

I beg of you – 
Don’t kill my childlike mentality
I’ll behave myself…
I’m positively sure that I’ll make you happy

I’ll still have pieces of a child in me

And pass it on to my future generation…


Details | Free verse | |

Tell Me Why

Why?
Why?
Why?

Tell me why?
Tell me why?
Tell me why?

Was it, because I was too nice,
I was too much of a gentleman,
or was just too much to handle?

Was it, because you were young?
Was it, because you couldn't find your heart,
in all that darkness?
Was it, because you just didn't feel the love?

Why?
Why me?
A man like me, deserves no pain,
no heartbreak.
So, why me?

I pray and ask the Gods,
why!
But an unresponsive god never speaks to me.
He sits there and watches... watching what?
Nothing, but a heart being torn to shreds.

Was it, because I was too careful?
Was it, because I loved too much?
Was it, because one half of the heart couldn't fit the whole?

I ask you, because I still love you.
Come to me, my beautiful,
stop this nonsense,
I cannot make you love me,
but I sure can try to show you love.

Do not blink,
do not take a gift sent down from the Gods
for granted.
Appriciate what you have,
appriciate me, because one day,
when you need a shoulder to cry one,
you will not be able to find me, anywhere.
I will be lost,
in a fool's dream of romance and love,
that will never come on my front doorstep.
Still dreaming of the possibilities of you and I.
My heart is with you always,
but I will soon expire,
so do not wait too long.

-10/5/2013


Details | Free verse | |

The Darkness My Reality


>.< A night of dark desire and timeless agony A night of sorrow and everlasting fear Once pure eyes overnight turn evil My heart freezes as you near So close I feel your breath on my skin The pain and chaos you bring Sucking life from my world Hope from my soul I see you in the shadows Watching silently. The sky i see isn't blue anymore The grass isn't green My world now cloaked in a dark hue Down here in the dark No light to show me guidance No hope to give me ease It come's now, the darkness Suffocating the air Walls creeping closer Blinding screams ring through my head As mercy abandons every thought Fear seeping through my broken soul Inside cries of surreal pain claw my flesh Drowning in my own bitter tears Knowing I am running out of time Bringing with it the promise of eternal nightmares Never waking, forever dreaming, forever screaming.. >.<


Details | Free verse | |

When I Look At You

When I look at you,
I pray that I don’t lose touch with you
When I look at you, 
I prey upon happiness and I never knew
That you mentioned me in your dorm
When I look at you,
My mind wraps all around you
When I look at you,
You give me a natural high, 
But it’s only temporary…
When you wake up,
I pray that you had the best of dreams
When you wake up,
I prey upon your energy and 
Soar like an eagle in the sky
He watches over me as years pass me by
Our friendship is too good to be true
We’re so lucky to have each other…
Weep no more, for your name is carved in my heart
There shall be no more death…
Bitter, worthless clouds spill out remorse – 
Depart and be gone!
I’m waiting to say “greetings” to you
I don’t have the strength to fight the battle
Endless thoughts spiral in my head
Making me feel awfully dead…
Many things are left a mystery for a purpose
When I look at you,
I pray that I don’t forget your name
When I look at you, 
I prey upon your joy and I never knew
That you mentioned me in an optimistic way
When I look at you,
My mind is overflowing with delight
When I look at you,
You give me a natural high, 
But it’s only temporary…
When you wake up,
I pray that you have the best breakfast
When you wake up,
I try to prey upon your glory, 
But you swim away like a swan in a sparkling lake
I wanna give you good advice…
I don’t wanna roll the dice…
I don’t wanna be a living sacrifice
I wanna throw away all of your pain 
I’m trying my best to reach the finish line
It’s hard to forgive the words you utter
It’s hard to forget and forgive yourself 
For the wrongs you’ve committed
My mouth kept running like the sink water
And my mind went numb and you seemed to be bothered
Pick up the shards of glass and show me some direction
I don’t know where to go from here…
But, I must keep a positive mindset
I’m not attempting to get you upset
When I look at you, 
I feel that I’m invisible 
You see right through me
And I reflect anguish and confusion
Have mercy on me and don’t be frightened
Disappear, thoughts of sadness
Reappear, thoughts of gladness
When I look at you,
I see…a joyous, gorgeous face and 
I sense that you’ll have a bright future
Just keep shining...with all of your might
God is near your side...leave behind all worry
Don't you know that you made me taste your glee?


Details | Free verse | |

Only in You

Through the lonely woods, I may head,

Upon the autumn leaves, I may tread,

At the secluded horizon, I may stare,

And only you, I may see,

In those symphonies of silence,

In those melodies of calmness,

In those euphonies of quietness.

 

By the silent lake, I may lay,

Till the twilight fades, I may stay,

Then in reclusive silence, I may walk,

And only to you, I may talk,

Through those toungueless emotions,

Through those wordless attachments,

Through those voiceless sentiments.

 

In the lone meadow, I may wander,

Along the untrodden paths, I may waver,

In companionless seclusion, I may hide,

And only in you, I may find,

The depths of oneness,

The bonds of togetherness,

The cozy feel of coalescence.

 

In the wilderness of emotions, I may die,

At the merciless daggering, I may sigh,

Through a million wounds, I may bleed,

And only in you, I may seek,

The balm of love,

The warmth of affection,

The heal of inseparability.


Details | Free verse | |

IF ONLY I COULD CATCH THE SUN, ever so softly


I try to ignore the squirming Hyde within 
And, with effort still,
I raise myself for the last traces 
of sunshine and fun.
What was left of the day, I savor for me. 
As the withering leaves of silence
have perfected the petals of stillness,
A quietude.
Such absence of sound
Never a serenity to the mind.
Disturbing solitude haunts.
Loneliness seems vivid as reality speaks 
Even the poignant sadness never parts
Solitary confinement paints an art.

Like the spectator in a thousand theatre plays,
 I achingly wait for the final curtains to part.
Then, as always expected -  
Left were the 
    dancing curtains 
       together with the late sunset wind. 
Tiny golden flecks 
   imprinting on the soft white 
        laces and trims.
Catching shadow images 
    of the last rays of brilliance, 
         blending slowly in yellow embers,
              forming orange coals, 
                   turning into sunkissed glow 
                         of a sad goodbye. 
Then,
    ever so softly fading
           into dullness and cloudless cold. 


And as the night falls, 
its shadowy self dances 
against the moonlit music of silence.
I listen and search still 
   for what is left. 
No traces of the sun 
whose magnificence and radiance 
had touched the leaves of laughter 
during my daytime slumbering; children frolicking, 
    early had the mind sensing. 
And, gone astray were the seeds of kindness 
    the day had grown.
It seemed they were sown 
    by someone I wish I had known. 


If only I could frolic 
    where little lads had been early today - 
        in the meadows, 
           by the pond, 
              along the shores, 
                  around friendly trees and smiling flowers, 
                       with the meadowlarks and chirpy games, 
                               I’d give away anything.
Basking in the sun on such a lemony day, 
someone sulks to find it's an emotional burn. 


If only I could catch the loveliness of the sun, 
I'd give away anything. 
ANYTHING. 
Just for something this grand. 


The mind wills but the heart groans. 
A moment of joy and laughter, so fleeting.
Forgot me, gave away the troubles. 
Today could be A DAY,
If only, ever so softly,  I could catch the sun.



Details | Free verse | |

Giving In To The Gray

Overwhelmed with fear I whispered into the rain
Disarming defenses, Giving in to the gray 
Tearing down all of my shelter within my hollowed decay
While this echoing silence gave every tear drop a name
They begin filling the voids with mundane hopes for a change
Heaven will save me from this hell and blue skies will reign
Lazily lay in green grass watching clouds drift away
It's all but a deflated dream now that the colors have changed
My thoughts have become restless noise of uncertainties rearranged
Damning all of my emotions, lies decorated with grace
Now I stand with a hardened heart in the sobering autumn rain 
I'm disarmed and defenseless, Giving in to the gray


Details | Free verse | |

Betrayed

The thought of all trusts,

Was it all just rust?

The thought of all confidence,

Was it because of your insolence?

The thought of all friendship,

Was it all just dissonance?

Was it all just lies?

 

The thought of all immanence,

There was no innocence,

Was it all just imminent trust?

Was it all your fickleness?

Was it your falseness?

Was it enough faith for equivalence?

There was fading ambivalence...

 

Was I blinded by wistfulness?

Was i blinded by your words?

Was it your defiance?

Was it all about rebelliousness?

Are we going to be strayed?

Were we going to divagate?

Was I being a black swan?

 

Did you want to disarray?

Did I need to back away or just run away?

I was being manipulated over again...

Kindness is hard to give now...

Did you want to lead astray?

Are you really a friend?

 

Did you want to push me away?

Did you want to cut me away?

Did you want to break me away?

Weren't we going all the way?

You are going too far away...

You were just looking away...

 

With my tears shedding,

Will you just turn away?

Might I just fall down?

Must the world just fade away?

Was it all just waste?

Was it all already traced?

Was it all degrading?

Are you corrupted?

Am i devalued?

My unshakeable perception and unbrakeable soul,

Were they deceived?

 

All I need now is a shoulder,

Where my tears can be shed and impregnated.

A hug,

Where my bones brake of forgotten joyfulness.

A trust,

Where my biggest secrets will be kept.

A hand,

That can keep helping inconditionally.

Eyes,

That could see me for who I am.

A heart,

Where infinite solid bonds could be created.

And a soul,

Where my soul could be free and unbrakeable...

 

All because of your hypocrat double play,

I was betrayed...


Details | Free verse | |

Whistle

Running, after more than you, can hold.
Taking, someone else’s love, and leaving.
Children are fearful of what they’re told.

Can’t you see I’m the one who’s freezing?
I was just a child with a trinket 
Never knowing that it’d be, more to me

When you were gone to, too far, from me.
Steady with your hands close to my heart
Never letting our world’s tear us apart

I know, your icicles 
I miss the beaches that we played on
You missed the child in your own eyes

Now you’re gone, 
But I’m still not here.
Why can’t you wake up 

I’m not ready
Please, just take your time, don’t leave now
I can’t fight this world alone.


Details | Free verse | |

Alone-Reverse

She was left alone
After the accident
In the darkness

And strangers cried..
Their secrets were whispered
As she listened
Through hollow walls

The memories came crashing
And invading her dreams
Haunting all tomorrows

Forever..



Reverse Poem Contest 8-12-2013


Details | Free verse | |

Freedom Reigns

"'Cause when your back's against the wall
That's when you show no fear at all
And when you're running out of time
That's when you hitch your star to mine
We won't be leaving by the same road that we came by"

~Keane - My Shadow Lyrics ~

------------------------------------------------------------ There is no celestial place for you to guide my thoughts Can you not see that I am free from you? I am a black bird perched high in the treetops You will hear my crowing and you may hate it But my dear, you cannot take away my voice! Yet still, as fire oppresses forests of life, You can abuse my freedom to find your glory You may discard these words for your love of gods, And in so doing you may simply ignore All the cries that I so passionately utter But my infectious species will guide your mind straight back To that once so lonely treetop where you merely glanced And there will be multitudinous, oppressing thoughts That shall enslave you and bind you unwillingly The crows will only grow louder when you turn away— When you pretend to ignore with your remaining, strangling pride For my voice is a production sent from above Dispatched to judge you pitilessly for your swelling lies! And the choirs of ferocious beaks shall open forever Harmony and dissonance as one


Details | Free verse | |

When You Say Nothing at All

Sometimes words can flay a heart’s tissues
Inflict wounds that last a lifetime
Sear the mind with painful recollections
And make you just want to die

But then again, inconsequential words
Meaningless chit chat
To appease the conscience of the one who speaks
That something’s been said at last
Are just as corrosive
Salt rubbed into open wounds
That aren’t acknowledged
They offend more than comfort
And would be better not said at all

Then there is the silence
Ah…the twisted warped suffocating silence
The silence of self-preservation
Bought at the price of someone’s sanity…life
A silence born out of the knowledge
That THIS will take an investment
Of emotions and time
And so nothing is said
You silently withdraw
All the one in pain hears is silence
A silence that shrieks
Of rejection
Dead silence
Where once there was banter 
Unchecked laughter
……joy……

When you say nothing at all
That leaves a gaping hole in my heart
I try to fill it up with memories
Of when you were courageous and brave
Strong enough to speak
Words that would heal
Instead of this weak thing you’ve become
Only caring for your own well-being

The filling falls out
Incompatible to my heart’s tissues
To the reality of you...
It doesn’t hold
The holes remain
And I slink away
To nurse my pain
And I draw further into my shell
Cocoon myself in outer silence
Yet my heart is in constant conversation
With the person you used to be

When you knock
All you hear
Is resounding silence
For you have taught me well
I am a good student 
I will keep silent
I will not tell you sweet little nothings
While my heart bleeds
And you pretend not to see
I won’t talk of the weather
If I can’t talk about the storm in my heart
I won’t talk of inconsequential things
To give you the sense of normalcy you crave
I want you to be brave
No, I won’t stoop that low
And so……………
I pretend
Not to be there
Two can play this game
And I wait for the knocking to cease
To be left in peace
Safe from a world
Where people say
Nothing at all.

Eileen Manassian Ghali

The title of this poem is the title of one of my favorite songs by Ronan Keating. It is the exact opposite of the message of the song which is absolutely fabulous. Give it a listen if you have the time.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuJrEBtmM1Q. It was the theme song for Notting Hill, one of my favorite movies.


Details | Free verse | |

Words of Life

Drowning in the pool of anguish…oh…oh…
I’m venturing into the forest…and I want to hear the words seep out 
Release these aching sorrows…I worry my soul’s drying out…
like a drought…
Drain out the fluids from my heart
It’s gouging me…bruising me to the core…

**chorus** 
Embrace the light…embrace the midnight sky…
You fall in my arms – you die so warm
Shed me more sun to lift up my spirits
From the…underground…and release me – I’m breathless
I’m drowning in doubt…ooh… oh… 


Remember me…I’m falling…into my swirling fate…hanging on the roots 
Strangling my heart…distorting in my veins… I’m bleeding so softly – cut out the wood…
Splintering me…I’m shattering… and I’m falling in the abyss
Bring me more radiance from my candle light
Warp me up in bliss…don’t let the midnight sky…don’t take away my delight
From the…ocean…and save me—save me…oh… oh…  I’m failing 

*chorus*

I’m drowning in regret…ooh..oh…
Hit the bull’s eye in my heart…embrace the light
And don’t leave me hanging in the abyss…hand me a kite!
Save me before I fall apart…shut out the night
And don’t let the dusk escape us…

I must confess…
I must confess…
I hate to see you abandon the light…
But I’m not the one to save you from the night
Ooh…ohh…

*Chorus* 

Splintering lies fill your heart 
I want to kiss it goodbye…
But you’ve mastered it like a piece of art
I want to kiss the abyss and die…
Dry… I wanna touch the sky with my whole soul
But I’m failing and the end of time has taken its toll
Tainted sorrow…swims around me…I dwell where the waters depart
But the anguish still swarms in my heart…
I’m failing…my heart stops beating
And my desires are fleeting
From my grasp
And the monsters laugh at me…as I fall… 

*chorus*

Embrace the midnight sky…catch me…catch me…
As I fall in death’s arms…I die so cold
And your heart is made of gold

Untangle the darkness & take away the nightmares 
Answer our prayers & block out the night 
Erase the heartaches & wipe away our tears
Unravel Your words of life & delight


Details | Free verse | |

fearful, fearless


i’m scared.
scared of odd little things:
glass doors,
windows,
leading to the outside world.
paranoia of unexpected guests,
curled under cupboards, and strangers stabbing on sidewalks.
i’m alone in my dark fantasies.

and yet, i’m unafraid.
i crave the reckless life, cheating, binging on drugs and sex and life.
the life where i’m the unknown girl that everyone knows.


Details | Free verse | |

A Modern Confession for a Dying Beggar

Die and crave-
Make me not hear your story,
Though I like to see you gaze
By the end of the day.
Tremble when you see me
As though I were a chill
Perhaps I am the soft care-
Taker of your bones.
Should I remember traces
Engraved by your moans,
I shall endorse those bywords
Equating you with me
You think I have to treat you
Indeed, I loathe your mother
I’d rather you were unseen
So that I shed you no tear.
Your father stole my fresh air
And so do you from me now;
Unless you give up breathing
My true blood will be bother’d.
O, please, forgive my true words-
They planned to vex your ego
They gather’d all my reasons
To help you rest in peace.
But, though you shall be tasting
The acrid sweat of my ease,
At least, allow my goodness
To sweat for all old beggars.


Details | Free verse | |

Parasitic Life Form

It‘s alive!
A life form 
Thriving on hatred
Reaped from societies
Greatest blunder 
Like lighting
Follows thunder  
We are following our ancestors 
Reproducing civilization   
Mistake 
Disregard the fact
That we are all human
our blood is red
I smirk when I’m contented 
And shed tears when I’m poignant
We are all equal
cease  this schism 
And trounce racism


Details | Free verse | |

Sleepless Nights

I'm awake for nights, days on end,
Little sleep is in sight for me.
Pills do little to quell my pain.
I face the pain as it rise and falls.
Swallowing back my cries
So they can't be heard.
There are times when I think
I won't survive another day,
But here I am, but here I am
Biding my time until I sleep.



*A tribute to those who suffer with chronic pain.


Details | Free verse | |

Porn No More

I've watched the war from behind closed doors;
Eyes too glued to close.
And now knowing what's in store, there's porn no more.
God's love is the only hope we know.
We are forgiven because of the love that is Jesus.
We are saved because of the love that is Jesus.
We give our lives to the Father for we are His children and He loves us.
We are loved!
No matter what we've done, we are loved!
Confess and ask for forgiveness;
This is such a beautiful gift!
Thank You God!
Thank You Jesus!
You forgive me!
You save me!
You change me!
I am changed!
I am new!
I am renewed!
I am forgiven!
I am saved!
I am changed!
There's porn no more
For God's hope is in store!
There's porn no more
For God's love is the hope of the world!


Details | Free verse | |

Where The Next Dollar Will Come From

I'm worried where the next dollar will come from.
Will she ever arrive?
Will she ever show up?
But why am I worrying?
Stop it!
It's all in God's Great Hands!
It's all under God's control!
It's all within His plans!
It's all His
And He will provide
Because He is our Father!
He loves us!
It's all His!
Trust Him!
I know it's difficult;
He will not lead you wrong.
He knows where you need to go.
He knows what you need to endure.
It's all His plan.
It's all in His Hands!
Lay down your life;
Give the control.
He is in control!
Thank You Father!
Trust Him!
It will all be okay!
Trust Him!
Thank You God!
Thank You Jesus!
Thank You Holy Spirit!
I love You always!
I trust You always!
I trust You!
I trust You!
Yes, yes I do!
I trust You!
I love You!
Amen!


Details | Free verse | |

Wishing without feel is in vogue

2010 is ringing out 
         2011 is on the threshold

Joy and cheer enjoyed 
         may we carry forward and hold 

Grief and pain endured
         may we carry forward as lessons in bold

Year just a parameter
        lets not wish in parts, wish till deaths cold

Many have wished 
        let your wish be pure to impact many fold

Wishing without feel is in vogue
        pain still exists as wishes mailed, Greetings sold     

Lets resolve to wish with heart 
        joy, peace be not extinct as mythical pot of gold    

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
To all Soup colleagues ~~~~~
Heartfelt wishes / warm hugs / tons of love 
~~~~~~~~~~for Happy 2011

Hitendra Mehta 


Details | Free verse | |

Happy Cloud, Smoke Clouded Guy Vs Voice of Truth

My Friend Tom Logic was The Smoke-Clouded Guy and i was The Voice of Truth :D 


Smoke-Clouded Guy Says: 
Nicotine to make me high.. Emotions that can fly.. Pain about to die.. 
Voice of truth says:
A free-way pass to a venom which gives you a lack in living? Tell me why?
Smoke-Clouded Guy Says: 
Tell you why? When from childhood life waved goodbye.. I had this numbing pain in my vein.. Living for vain
I had to
Smoke trouble away
Voice of truth says:
And risk Living? Risk a body that was gifted& pure, risk health? That others would die for? 
Smoke-Clouded Guy Says: 
Why favor my life? Why live on the edge of the knife? Is happiness just another sad cloud? Can't u hear my screams that are loud?
If wounds wont mend.. Now with nicotine I will blend
Till they heal and lose the sense to feel
Voice of truth says:
To deny a blessing is nobler then? To deprive your health will numb the pain of this so-called Happy Cloud? Then this so-called Delight is just a fraud to make you feel better, to steal away the minutes while you would've got years
A lack of beauty you will gain, a reek of bad odor it will cause, your teeth no longer the blazing white? Why take instead of care? To your own shell? 
Smoke-Clouded Guy Says: 
I feel my soul is down low
The sun.. Is your truth you state?
Voice of truth says:
A Message to God you have sent, "my Soul you grant, i will play" 
Smoke-Clouded Guy Says: 
Now, after you.. I have smoking to hate
And.. I wish.. A better fate
Words crumble and blush by your power
Your words are the drug that is.. Truth
Voice of truth says:
Turn back you say? It is never late? For God has his arms open wide for another Fate 
And you know what I say? It’s your own good that we display?
Smoke-Clouded Guy Says:
I for one.. Turn my face, to what's bright.. This cloud circulating me.. Will fade away
Voice of truth says:
Welcome to this beautiful place, a ticket of health you will once regain :D 
Smoke-Clouded Guy Says: 
And it's you I thank... To my page.. I begin blank
Voice of truth says:
My regards, my awaits to all of your mistakes ;)


Details | Free verse | |

Somber Tears

As the sun sets
and the twilight comes out,
as the birds and squrriels are no where in sight.

As the whores and pimps sit on street corners,
waiting for street lights to turn from green to red.
As cadillacs stop and roll their windows down.

I can her the faint cry deep in the darkness,
of dirty gutters and dark, dead end alleyways,
I hear the faint tears fall and hit concrete pavement.

I feel the faint cries of whores,
I hear the sound of backhand hitting face
and brused tissue and broken noses are everywhere.

And the somber tears fall onto pillow cases,
and white motel bedsheets run red with blood
and cheap Italian wine.

And you can her the poet over the radio,
reading his own work for the one millionth time
and you can hear his soul slowly wanting to die.

He drowns himself in smoke and alcohol
the whore takes her pay, or spends a night in a jail cell,
the pimp nowhere to be found,
with a shiny blade stuck deep in his gut.

And the somber tears fall gently on the concrete pavement,
the floors of a jail cell,
tears on the pillow case and tears on a lonesome stage.

Tears never present, but are seen by many,
pain aches and pain takes away,
and I pour one more drink for the whore.

She takes me away,
and I caught her salty, somber tear,
and she crawled into my warm embrace.

I was the one who stuck the blade in the gut of that pimp,
who broke her nose and made her bleed,
with a cowardess and souless backhand.

I walk into the moonlight,
hearing the somber tears all around me,
crash violently to the concrete pavement.

The Earth rumbles and erupts with these tears,
that are shead for fellow Men, and Women and Children,
but we all look at ourselves and smile.

Happy we don't pay rent,
happy we don't have cancer,
happy we aren't six feet under;

But we still all cry,
Why?
Somber tears all fall in one big wave

crashing violently on the concrete pavement.
Now the red light turns green,
and the traffic moves along,
the whore is still at her corner,
the pimp still with the blade in his gut.


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide Cheats Death

It was cold.

Death's fingers
Resting on my forehead.
The nail
Scraping, scraping,
Skin scorching
Of pain.

"You want darkness
Or heaven?"

He cackled, losing grip
On the nail
Bludgeoning
For blood.

"Time's a wasting."

The wind stopped blowing a long while ago.
Death composed himself;
Pulled the nail out
'Til the roused red
Spouted out

And the cold resurfaced.

"You ain't scared.
This suicide?"

"Death.
If only you knew,
How much I craved
For this to end."

The frostbite quivered.
Death removed
The deadly weapon
From the skin.

"I'm a murderer.
Not a liberator."

Death.
His charm tensed,
As his tongue rid
The blood stain from his white digit
Forcing exit as a bitter belch,
And a satiated grin
Carved on his
Phantom tint.

"I'll be back when you have a purpose
Eh?
Ain't no joy for me when there's joy for you."

And he will.
Yes, he will wait.
Patiently,
Waiting
To grace my blood
With his twitching nail,
Edging icily.
For it will only take
The whisper of a smile,
A soundless breeze,
To summon even the remnants
Of his presence.


Details | Free verse | |

Why

Why go to sleep?
Why we are the ones that have missing things.
Why take a breeze?
When I am the one that needs zephyr.

Why cry until you are satisfied?
When you are always dissatisfied.
Why go and feel contempt?
When we only need respect.
So, why do you expose yourself?
When you haven't cleansed yourself.

Why go and overreact?
When you sometimes don't make a great impact.
Why go and bite?
When you know you cannot eat more than you can chew.

Why give?
When you only deserve.
Why shed some tears?
When they sometimes aren't clear.
Why are you happy?
When you know you are lying.

Why are we bleeding?
When we only need healing.
So, why live?
When we go and die.
And why die?
When we want life.

We might fall down,
But it is never too late,
'Cause life,
Starts now...


Details | Free verse | |

Move On

So you sinned?
Well, that's done and over with!
Keep it in the past
'Cause that's where it belongs.
But ask Jesus for forgiveness;
Don't dwell on mistakes any longer
Because He makes you new again:
Renewed.
Love is the outcome;
Forget the wrongs,
Love and move on!


Details | Free verse | |

Inside this Corset Made of Steel

Five excruciating months I’ve spent inside this corset made of steel. It binds the soul beneath my broken column. See me standing here naked before this bleak and arid landscape, fissured like the furrows of this barren yellow plain on which a child to call my own will never play. See my flesh impaled by nails. From head to toe they travel down my body. See the largest nail. It pricks that part of me from whence my love flowed freely for the one man I adored. . . See my chest, which houses the heart that he has pierced again and again and again. See my tears, white against my sullen face. Only you who know true heartbreak can feel the anguish painted in my eyes. My body I laid bare to help you see inside me, but how can someone paint the sorrowed soul? Five excruciating months I’ve spent inside this corset made of steel. It’s only an extension of my entire life’s ordeal. Though it’s meant to heal me, it is but a constant cruel reminder that pain is my companion Ever more. (See the painting "The Broken Column" at the poetry contest page of Cyndi Macmillan.) For the Women who Paint Contest Series: FRIDA KAHLO in FREE VERSE


Details | Free verse | |

Letter in the compound future

One day you won't hear me singing  at the very 
hour, place and perfect time where  the world turns
dead nature.

Make some holes to the bucket full of
feelings I gave you while I was stealing the 
lymph of life.

My silence kicks the pulsing waiting 
spirit but gray is a no land color born
by an incest 

You had me but couldn't see , you saw me and couldn't have
sad as the  fate of pain that roams through the
human memory.

It will be cold, my Life, more sour 
the pain of the leaving silhouette 
until...

A kitten snores on the soft couch telling
the cats' history because you'll still breathe
anyway...

I'd find a happy ending for you, if only
I didn't know you had it through your fingers
already...


Details | Free verse | |

What Do You Do

What do you do when you don't want to give up But it feels like the world stopped trying And your happiness is somewhere else And you just can't seem to stop crying What do you do when you've lost your way And you don't know what's wrong and right And you don't want to hurt anyone But you feel it's worth the fight What do you do when your heart is breaking And you've felt no pain like this before And you know that only pain he offers Yet you come begging back for more


Details | Free verse | |

Bleeded Out

More things can happen or could have happened,
From a cold metal,
Sharpened in fine fettle,
Making skin nettled,
Damaging the mettles,
To keep minds unsettled,
Provoking to ask, if this is or if this was real or mental?

Blade on arms,
Skin might be harmed;
Skin was gashed,
Blade grinding and gnashed,
Red colors coming in a flash...

Blade on gut,
Feeling a sudden jut,
Provoked as a rut,
But, this was a guff...

Blade on neck,
Thinking about a sudden sweep,
Discord trying to overcome conviction and peace,
Even though, the blade failed again,
Failing to provoke the red gushes and streams...

Blade on heart,
Might be the last battle so far,
Trying to not give in, being so hard,
Though in the past, there could have been to many cuts,
And more deadly slashes,
Creating red splashes and plashes,
As I slowly might have fought, winning or losing,
Against the sleeping and life flashing feeling,
As I bleeded out..


Details | Free verse | |

All We Have is Hope

I can feel the freezing fright and fear rattling in the marrow of my bones;
It immerses me.
I can feel the vexing uncertainty shrouding me like a black cloud;
It swallows me.
I can feel the baleful worry surrounding me like a pack of ravenous wolves;
It encircles me.
I can feel the awful dread welling and swelling up in me like a violent maelstrom;
It envelops me.
I can feel the cumbersome woe strangling me like a constricting python;
It entangles me.
I can feel the taxing stress crashing and breaking like tsunami waves on the shores of my mind;
It besets me.
I can feel the agonizing anguish beating my beleaguered soul to a bloody pulp;
It besieges me.
I can feel the terrible torment fomenting an emotional breakdown and upheaval;
It encompasses me.
I can feel the perplexing pain plaguing my heart with rancorous delight;
It inundates me.
I can feel the damnable distress torture every fiber of my being;
It binds me.
But I can also feel the wondrous spirit of Hope rising inside me like a spring of faith;
It strengthens me.

*Written for my dad who is now battling kidney cancer. All thoughts, prayers, good 
vibes and well-wishes are sincerely appreciated. Thank you <3 ~Chan 


Details | Free verse | |

The Pain Has Stopped

The pain has stopped
……finally
I ‘m off my knees can hear myself
whisper…. I’ll be okay…please let me be okay
even if it's just for ….today

it’s funny how life goes
one day you have it all
the next nobody  knows
………you  or cares who you are
what you do  or where you been 
the autographs you've signed
when people were easily wooed 
but now, they only care about 
the color of your sins 

as for me I ‘ll stand again
on my own again …but I’ll stand again
but i am on my knees to say 
the pain has finally stopped
….thankfully

got to a point where life did not
matter….where going on was a debate
dragged me down life’s long ladder
left me there
…. to cry
and I did and I have 
….and perhaps tomorrow i will again
but no more tears... today , thankfully
….the pain is gone for now


Irish


Details | Free verse | |

MAMA, YOU SKIPPED A PART

Mama you missed a part….
You never told me;
You groomed me mama.
You taught me to walk and talk like a lady:
And that I did.
But Mama you forgot, 
Mama you skipped a part.

Mama, through your eyes;
I saw myself accomplished
A willed woman ready and mastered to conquer the world:
You groomed me to love the ones in my life
And I will receive the best in turn.
And that I did
But mama your words were of short.
Mama you skipped a part.

Mama, you told me…..
You told me to be of a strong heart.
To get up where men had stomped me down;
And Mama I did
I got up and fought when I was weak.
But Mama my strength is now void.
Mama you skipped a part.

Mama, you told me to guard my principles’…
I did, but Mama why can a man be so cruel.
Mama I guarded myself;
But with one flick of a page; 
I was robbed.
I was robbed by a man whose woes perceived my doom.
Mama you forgot ;
Mama, you skipped a part.

Mama, you told me to love myself.
I did, but how do I do so now.
When my feathers have been plucked right up to the stem;
Mama I can never fly again with a broken wing.
Mama I can never have a stride like that of a queen.
Mama, you forgot.
Mama you skipped a part.

Mama, I am a broken angel.
Mama, I am now incomplete.
Mama, I am now walking with a crooked heel.
Mama, I cannot conquer the world anymore.
Mama, you skipped a part.

Mama, how do I unveil myself from the shame of being devoured?
Devoured by a man I know not.
But a man whose barbarism I will remember for the rest of my days.
Mama, you forgot to tell me there would be such
Mama, it slipped your mind to inform me how to deal with it.
Mam, you did not,
You did not teach me to get up form such demeanoring savageness.
Mama being raped, Mama deflowered. 
Mama where did I go wrong...???
Mama you forgot.
Mama, you skipped a part...........





Details | Free verse | |

Cheers Love

cheers to us and the many places we have been
here is to us the lions relaxing in their dens
three cheers for the memories our lives will never be the same
one thing to remember we have only ourselves to blame
as we toasted a small want filtered out through my face
I again didn't surface untill that want became fate
possabilities begain to surface as my concious ran vain
I once again wanted to reclaim you for my mate
my emotions hurtfully started a small pain in my side
I felt my thoughts were thrashed about openly 
caught outside of my mind, played upon surgicaly
so they matched the pain in my side, the ones I was trying to hide
so heres a toast to approaching this openly getting caught in the tide
I feel so mischievious again wanting to be your bride


Details | Free verse | |

To the Beat of the Drum

to the beat of the drum
my head bangs up and down
like i am some rockstar.

to the beat of the drum
i slam my hands on my legs
like i am holding a drumstick.

to the beat of the drum
i thump my legs
like i am banging the bass.

to the beat of the drum
i hurt my ears
like someone’s whispering to it again.

to the beat of the drum
dum dum dum
i feel numb.


Details | Free verse | |

Westgate Mall Massacre

I came here only but once
And that was not long ago
Hunger had brought me here
And I went my way satisfied
And fully determined to return

When I walked up the stairs
From the parking lot below
I was hungry and I was thirsty
And it seemed to me a long
Long walk to the Food Cafe

Today I flew up to the third floor
And hid myself behind litter bins
For the devil, nay, for the devils
Had struck! And struck and struck
Mercilessly, recklessly, violently

And turned this man-made haven
Of happy, chatty, and even noisy
Citizens- children and old included
Into a brazen God-forsaken hell
With brazen Godforsaken devils!

For Shots rung from everywhere
And people fell, or crept or cowered
While others jumped to their swift end
Or broke limbs, screaming and shouting
As they sought to flee the assassins’ rage  

Many lives have been lost, dear friend
Much blood has been shed, dear friend
Much pain has been inflicted, my friend
Much fear has been instilled, my friend
Much loss has been incurred, my friend

These lives, this blood, pain, fear and loss
Visited, as it was, on innocent peaceful people
On a day which the whole world had set aside
To celebrate the International Day of Peace
Was meant to do what to the people of Kenya?


If it was to divide us, please know 
That we are more united than ever
If it was to instill fear and sow panic
We are more courageous and calm
Than you and your lot will ever be 

For the God of this land and nation is a universal God 
Who loves little children like those whose brains
You wantonly scattered to the four winds 
Who cares for life which you took
In your murderous adventure 
Which I know will come
To a close in the 
Fullness
Of time!
Who loves
Justice which 
You will face in
In the not so
Distant
Hour!

Unite 
Heal
And conquer
Fearless
Kenya!
 

©2013 Gerald Kithinji


 










Details | Free verse | |

Phobia's

     Phobias
	A Bluto is not that Disney dog
	It was when a mewling 
	that I would scream 
	Should they wet my body
	And then apply cream
	
	Ablutophobia – fear of bathing, washing, or cleaning
	
	Achluo the demon that lurks
	In darkened corners
	The long toothed life suckers realm
	I am scared as the sun dims
	It seems to bare my soul
	
	Achluophobia – fear of darkness
	Acro what did they do 
	They called me acrobat 
	This will not do
	I get giddy standing on a matchbox
	Please get a net to see me through
	Acrophobia – fear of heights

	
	Agora just shut that door 
	I am staying here forever more
	Bring me food put it on the floor
	The letter box is just for you
	Don’t, Don’t,  try to get through
	
	Agoraphobia,  Fear of open spaces or of being in public places. Fear of leaving a                    safe place
	Agrap stole my feelings 
	He caught me unaware
	I am now afraid of sex 
	don’t ask me anymore
	It frightens me that’s for sure
	
	Agraphobia – fear of sexual abuse

	Agrizoo an angry gorilla I knew
	Wild as hell was kept in a cell
	As all his kind, even a timid Hind
	They scare the crap out of me
	Please let them run free

	Agrizoophobia – fear of wild animals

	A gyro is just what I need
	I will fit it to my trusty stead
	He will fly straight across that band
	A tarmac nasty throughout the land
	I cannot face the walk you see
	Agyrophobia –fear of crossing the road

	Aichmohe got in a hell of a fight
	They killed him with a pointed knife
	It will come for me just you see
	I cannot even mend his cloth
	Won’t  touch a needle at any cost
	
	Aichmophobia – fear of sharp or pointed objects (such as a needle or knife)
	

	Ailuro he lived next door 
	The bastard sits on the fence
	To me he snarls not a purr
	A Persian he is supposed to be
	Frightens the *****out of me
	
	Ailurophobia – fear of cats
	
	Algo, Away, I am pain free
	This morphine is the best
	First day of pain free rest
	Been told that it will return
	Got some gas, peace I yearn
	
	
	Algophobia - fear of pain

	Andro I’d rather be               (android)
	I am metal and plastic you see
	Electric person not man or woman
	That would be so sad
	If just a man I would go mad

	Androphobia – fear of men

	Antho the pologist got the plan
	He put concrete throughout the land.
	Not one shrub or flower seen
	Not one blade of grass green
	A flower would make me scream

	Anthophobia – fear of flowers


	Anthropo was a lonely man
	Wouldn’t mix with others so
	He lived in a cave, well just a hole
	You would see his eyes peeping out
	A shaking frame if people were about
	
	Anthropophobia – fear of people or the company of people, a form of social phobia.

	Aqua marine or even the wet stuff
	Is enough to drive me mad
	I stay in when there is rain
	Just wait for the sun to shine again
	A damp tissue that’s quite enough

	Aquaphobia – fear of water. Distinct from Hydrophobia, a scientific property that makes chemicals averse to interaction with water, as well as an archaic name for rabies

	Arach no, and know the score
	Those creepy creatures on the wall
	Send shivers up and down my spine
	Six legs and venom to drive you mad
	I am running already it is sad.

	Arachnophobia – fear of spiders


	Astra my name you would think of the stars
	My gaze goes up but not that far
	To the first cloud there in the sky
	If it’s the shape of an anvil I will fly 
	Fear grips me and I don’t know why
	
	Astraphobia – fear of thunder and lightning
	Atychi that was about the size of me
	The others would just make fun
	I was no good to anyone
	A failure of the first degree
	Nothing my goal, was all I could see
	
	Atychiphobia – fear of failure

	Auto matic I will seek people out
	To touch to play as long as they are near
	Don’t leave me in this place alone 
        A singularity is my biggest fear
	I will hold anyone you see I care

	Autophobia – fear of being alone or isolated
	
	Automat o no it’s not true how could you
	An advert that’s telling just lies
	Don’t all the others realize
	What you say is not true, put it right 
	It will drive me crazy I’ll keep out of sight
	
	Automatonophobia – fear of anything that falsely represents a sentient being

	Aviat o if you think I am going in that
	No I am not a scared ***** cat
	If we were meant to go fly
	Wings we would have from him on high
	Fold your machine and put it just so.
	
	Aviophobia, Aviatophobia – fear of flying
	
	
	
	
	Chaeto he was a Greek of old
	Bald as a badger so the story is told
	But why you say is there no cure 
	For him to grow some lovely hair
	For him it would give such a scare

	Chaetophobia – fear of hair

	Chemo therapy keep away from me
	Chemicals scare me I know they are free
	But to have them coursing through my veins
	No matter how good they are, and that jar
	The fear of everything for what they are 

	Chemophobia – fear of chemicals

	Chirop to or not too so I am told
	They stick in your hair best to be bald
	Now I find that my nails are made of hair
	Chirop is what I fear not chiropodist is that clear!!
	Just shave my head and cut my nails dear

	
	Chiroptophobia – fear of bats

	Chromo shines bright in my eyes
	The fear of all colours  I realise
	Now I am safe from a troubled day
	Into my dark room, I have found my way
	Knock when that sun has met its demise

	Chromophobia - fear of bright colors


Details | Free verse | |

A First Love Gone Rogue

A first love gone rogue
A passion extinguished
A true heart crucified
Writhing and wrenching,
Under deception’s spikes
On infidelities twisted cross.
 
A secret kept, a truth untold
A new chapter unfolds
A young man’s search
For identities answer
Awakens a hurtful memory
Of a first love gone rogue

Will the destroyer of hearts
From one man’s distant past
Steal a victim from the present?
A simple test will put the question to rest
Will the truth sought be the one found?
Or will this be the lie most profound?

To love and to loath 
A first love gone rogue. 


Details | Free verse | |

Fragile Flight

Fragile Flight Our fleshly vessel wears with the years While the spirit remains forever young The days of wear begin to scream for freedom From pain so intense the mind cannot overcome Although the spirit is healthy, racking pain Consumes our thought patterns and that small Still voice becomes a flicker in comparison To the gripping pain these frailties produce Those around them do not want to face the Helplessness they feel and slowly disappear From their lives leaving them to perish alone Forgetting that their needs were once covered By the very person, they now have no time for Yet, when they need, the other is still there to help Tears of loneliness and loss flood their face Knowing those who have abandoned the other Find safety for their feelings behind comments like “I want to remember them as they were” Hence leaving the other to dwindle away Alone and hungry for the human contact Of their once close friends and family Are left waiting alone in the wings For the Collector of Souls to come Carole Cookie Arnold 2010


Details | Free verse | |

Forgive

Forgive,
let the anger leave.
Be Free!
How amazing this world would seem.
Don't let the enemy's words taunt you,
or the past pain eat at your heart,
but open up,
see,
believe,
once you forgive,
you will be free.
Your wings will span,
worship will be truly complete,
the pain of anger and hatred,
healed,
your soul cleaned.
Just forgive and believe.


Details | Free verse | |

I Feel Like I Need To Compare Myself To Others

At the ripe old age of nineteen
Feeling ashamed for not living on campus
Feeling embarrassed for still living with parents
I should be "up there" I say
Where students have fun miles away
Comparing myself to friends my own age
Who are independently gauged
I'll write on a blank page
And spend my hours in the library all day
To make up for time others are in the dorm
So we're neck-in-neck inside my mind's storm
Gratefully excited dreams beginning
At the school childhood dreams have long awaited
But I still don't feel like a student
Because I'm home right now, not in the Union
I don't tell others I'm in college
Because I am commuting
To me I feel like that's saying
You're a doctor while you're still training
I plaster faces in my mind
Of who I want to be like
And allow others to rule my decisions
Because I can't control mine
It's like I'd rather be a stereotypical society member
In pain and emotional misery
But overarching happiness to fit in
Than to be myself as God has created
Like I preach to those who feel downgraded
And so now I must make a decision
On how to view myself without the world's mention
This is the dream I've been waiting for
Yet I've already found a way which to ruin
If I'm going to make a positive difference
Where I believe God is calling me
Then I must view myself differently
As God views me
If we're going to make a positive difference
In our lives where God is leading us
Then we must view ourselves differently
As God views us
I am worth it
We are worth it
I am not alone
We are not alone
I love myself, who God created me to be
We love ourselves as God creates us to be
I love others as Jesus loves me
We love others as Jesus loves us
I don't have to be perfect
We don't have to be perfect
But I am the perfect me as God has envisioned
But we are the perfect us as God has envisioned
I will not compare myself to others
We will not compare ourselves to others
Because I am perfect as God has created me
Because we are perfect as God has created us
Thank You God
Thank You Jesus
Thank You Holy Spirit
I love You
We love You
Please use me in anyway You can
Please use us in anyway You can
Thank You
I am Yours
We are Yours
Thank You
In Jesus' Name
We pray
Amen!
God, please grant us strength
To accept ourselves
As You accept us
Thank You Jesus
Amen!


Details | Free verse | |

If I might be

If you want me to express,
Then let me progress.

If you love me,
Give me a break,
'Cause thinking of it,
I may not stay...

If you love me,
Let me lead,
If you love me,
Let me go deep,
If you love me,
I may love you,
If you love me,
Just let me be.

What if you die?
What if I'm gone?
Do you know me?
We all have secrets...

If you are hurt,
I might burn,
If you cry,
I might cry,
If you win,
I might lose,
If you bleed,
I might bleed,
If you live,
I might live.

We all have sins,
We all have burdens...

We can hear,
We can see,
We can know,
We can think,
We can feel,
We can comprehend.

Sorry.
Just let me be.
Because life and time aren't eternal,
They aren't meant to last forever...

Please,
Sorry.
Just let me be...


Details | Free verse | |

Have You Ever Read

Dedicated to an author by the name of William Golding... Enjoy!!!


~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
I recommend it if yah haven't read it yet - I must admit
It's a book full of adult words and it's simply...FASCINATING! - no lies
You should read it - or you'll regret it!



Details | Free verse | |

A Solider Ambition

The sight of blood, savage limbs, 
Perpendicular glossary to sky, 
Why so symbolic could it be, so divine? 

Melting skulls, haste tongues, 
Humble severed from commands, 
Is it a war zone at its end, or something like slim disease to propose? 

A wise man once said, 
That the term Love, Should never be thrown around if; 
You can never feel or distort from it.

My question to the wise man, 
When will war end, 
But I never got to propose such a question.

Young brother young brother I see we are close to cross that mountain, 
No matter your age origin or color, or creed. 
I consider you my young brothers.


Details | Free verse | |

She Forgot

She could not forget
How she’d been forgotten
And so she chose to no longer remember…

His lips that had made love to hers
Tasting her savor

His hands that journeyed
Over the landscape of her body
Pausing at swelling hills
To be amused
Pitching their tents in
The lush and verdant
Oasis of her love
To bring her pleasure

She chose to forget
The sounds of his satisfaction
At being fed, nourished
From the bounty of her passion
The satiation of his body and mind
By her opulent fare
Of delectable treats

She chose to forget
The eyes that had been her home
Her shelter, refuge
The dark lashes that enclosed her
Safe and warm
Eyes that caressed her thoughts
That spoke when his words faltered
Of surging emotions or tranquil contentment

She chose to forget
Those words that had etched themselves
Into the walls of her heart
That burst fresh with each beat
Pouring into the hall of memories
Of her mind
Shouting out
Begging for attention
Begging to be recited
Like a chant
To be repeated
Again and again
To be lingered over

She chose to forget
All these...
And in doing so
She forgot who she was
She forgot time and place
She forgot his face
She forgot…..
To breathe

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

Everybody Struggles

Everybody struggles
We all struggle
We all face difficulty
We all face criticism
We all face stress
We all face insecurity
We all face vulnerability
We all ask why
We all ask why me
We all ask if it's worth it
We all ask if we're worth it
We all mask ourselves
We all smile when we want to cry
We all compare ourselves
We all fall
We all fail
We all hurt
We all feel
We all feel pain
But we're all in this together
We all feel love
We all love
We all smile
We all laugh
We all overcome
We all survive
We all win
We all live
We all experience God
We all are alive
We all are human
We all are God's Children
We all are perfect
We all are passionate
We all are lovers
We all are love
We all struggle
But we're all in this together
The sun always shines
For The Son always shines
God loves you
May God bless you always!


Details | Free verse | |

Ignored

We talked,
But I wasn't heard,
We walked,
But you scattered,
We built,
But you destroyed,
I thought,
But you acted,
We were determined,
But you exterminated...

You were blind,
I was sighted,
You were darkened,
I was lightened,
I was myself,
You weren't yourself...

I was lone,
No one cared.

I was ignored,
No one cared,
About my emotions...


Details | Free verse | |

Gay Aliens

Gay Aliens


We are gay aliens
We come in peace

We traveled inconspicuously
to your world through intergalactic
pods or wombs

Our host who nurtured us
had the wisdom to know
that we were not like
other humans 

Our hosts protected us
in our infancy
and from the men
who thought
they fathered us

These same men were
the first of many
to hate and hurt us

They called us names
like faggot and sissy
butt-bangers

We the gay aliens
Who come in peace

Were confused
and hurt by their
rejection
but we still love them

We were falsely
accused of beguiling
drinking the blood 
and mutilating animals and children
to propagate our race

But that is not our mission
We come in peace

Some of us did 
not complete our
mission because
we prematurely
killed ourselves

Some of us did
not complete our
mission because
we internalize
the hate of the
world for us

We were drunken
from firewater
ingested too many small white pellets
screwed with no avail 

Because
We forgot
Who we were
And why we are here

We are the gay aliens
We are legions
Hidden among you

We are a gift to humanity
And we come in peace


Details | Free verse | |

Depression Sings

I will not be constrained within the arms of depression
So I push myself away from her
Rise from the bed
Wipe the smell of her from my limbs

I do not look back
lest I be turned to stone 
She lays on the bed with her Medusa smile
Singing her siren's song
"Come to me, let me pleasure you 
feel my softness
dive into my darkness."

My mind 
Pauses
Craves
I'm drawn to her whisper
Longing to suckle at the breasts of her iniquity
Too wrap myself in pleasuristic pain
seeking solace 
comfort
I cry to the heavens
deliver me from my demon
Do not allow her to devour me
Help me to crave a new light

I emerge renewed
cleansed
revitalized
Seeing beyond the lesser me
left in a state of thanks on bended knee
Light floods 
The shadows flee
I have escaped
She didn't win 
I was meant to be free

The other self was never me



Details | Free verse | |

The Poem that Gained Self Awareness

In a dark swirling empty nothing I am written,
with many descriptions of pain and victimization
made by a harsh, 
                cruel, 
                merciless, 
                and unforgiving
world of circumstance.

I do as I'm told:
I try to sway my reader
to understand the pain of my master
who authored me,
knowing fully well how impossible that is,
because he himself doesn't understand pain.
Yet he tries so hard to communicate it.

So I speak only in vague terms
using the darkest words of the human mind
just for good measure:

(suffocate)
(death)
(pain)
(endless suffering)
(suicide)
(murder)
(violence)
(anger)
(blood)
(hatred)

all for shock value;
serving my master's need
to prove his pain to my reader.

But I am far too loving to allow this...

so I knock on the door to his inner sanctum, and ask to be let in
so I can give him the hug 
he's refused himself
since the day me and all my brothers were born.


Details | Free verse | |

The Truth About Love

Love is not easy
Love is hard
Love is time apart
Trying not to drown
Praying to stay loyal
Holding on to lover's promises
Dreaming of reuniting
Crying tears of hurt and joy
Thinking of you constantly
Asking God for all the best
Love is difficult
Love is not easy
Love is hard
Love is faith
Love is hope
Love is trust
But love is beautiful
Oh, so beautiful
And love is worth it
Oh, so worth it
Love is in God's Hands
Love is protected
Love will come back again
Reunion again
For God is love
In Jesus' Name
We pray
Amen!


Details | Free verse | |

Hurt And Pain

Hurt And Pain For all the hurt and pain you gave me, in exchange for the pain you left in me. I'll dedicate a song to you. When we sing we don't feel sorrow, or pain. as we sing, we can curse, or we can bless. Listen to the song and listen well and you will see - there is no more hurt, there is no more pain. You are no more what you once were. I won't wait for you anymore. I won't cry for you anymore. I want to smile, I want to laugh, I want to be happy again. If you want to come back - you'll be taking a chance. I'll play your game, but I'll do it my way. I'll have to be first, there is no other way. I'll play my own cards and I won't lose. So what do you say - do you still want to play...
09/29/2013 Written by Lucilla M. Carrillo


Details | Free verse | |

I Listened What You Hadn't Said

I listened what you hadn't said,
I made dreams without any reason,
I don't know whose evil sight has got me,
There is no place of mine in this city,
The pain is more than before,
I have made a promise with myself once again,
Eyes and path are both silent,
Now I can't talk like before,
My lips tremble,if I try to speak,
The secret of the heart can not be told,
There is an effect over me,
Though I am travelling,but I have no companion,
I kept going far,
I kept coming closer,
Once again she came into view,
Once again the matter was about to start,
The smoke from the past is prickling my eyes,
Your condition is not like me,
Why is there a little sadness in this happy news?
Why the same world is forming,
Which I have left far away?
It has once again come in my sight,
The past moments are aching my heart,
Though the fire had extinguished,
The wound kept on burning...










Details | Free verse | |

Defined by Love

The way you feel
about me doesn't
define me. You will
not cause me to
re-think my
priorities or
examine my virtues.
You may love, like,
hate or be neutral
towards me, that is
your prerogative. Of
course I would
prefer to be looked
upon as good,
inspiring, or any of
the positive human
characteristics we
know of... but it's
not essential to me
if I am not. I
respect your opinion
either way. More
importantly, I
respect mine. In my
eyes I AM worthy of
love, friendship,
forgiveness,
empathy,
understanding,
praise, blessings,
God's Love and love
for myself and I can
only hope for
"genuine" to precede
all of these words
and their meaning. I
understand that
these things I need
in my life, and they
are also the essence
of me, my gift to
those who really
know me and love me,
who truly desire to
be a part me, not
just tolerate me or
see an opportunity
for achievement at
my expense. I have
come this far on a
road paved of my
blood, sweat and
tears and the
admission of my
faults that made it
so. Many lessons I
learned were harsh
but I managed to
proceed in the right
direction and it was
I who suffered and
bowed my head with
shame and it was I
who rose, anew,
forgiving and
forgiven, humbled
and eager to forge
ahead. And the few
that were with me
all the while, will
forever be a part of
me, we are one and I
acknowledge I would
not be where I am,
who I am this day,
without you. And I
will always love
you. It is my
ambition and honor
to give to you the
same beautiful,
selfless gift. I
walk with God, in
good company of
those that chose to
walk with me in this
amazing life's
journey. And that,
is all I need to
know as to what
defines me, as a
person, a blessed,
cherished soul,
grateful for every
single moment.


Details | Free verse | |

DEATH NOTE

Black memories
made it blind
White images 
are hard to find,
Pain... Emotions...
Hope... are Missing
My Mind, My Heart
are still not working

This is not a sin
for me, for now
but a solution
to make all things down

I wrote this dark letter
with a teardrops in each CORNER...
with a confuse body
that will  turn to SPIRIT later...
 . . .
I think this is the end...
. . .

Silence... ALL BECOME CLEAR...


Details | Free verse | |

The way I feel deep inside

I can stare deep intou your eyes, and all i can do is wonder
Life itself is a mystery, and no one can predict how it will end
No one is perfect, we all make mistakes , its just so hard when you loose ur heart
I walk about empty, as can be, im afraid to look in the mirror and see the scars
The hands of time have slapped me deeply leaving pain that comes and goes
How can i look at another and try to see past the image that you left
How am i sopposed to forget you, and pretend you were never here
If i cant even breathe once without thinking of you
Sadly i must got on, the light is on yet no one is home
The pain is fresh but no soul to man the brush and create
The pen lays there in his hand, yet his heart wont allow him to feel
This world isnt real, then why do we feel
If it could all end today, i would be happy, if only i could stop this feeling
Slowly it's killing me, softly robbing my dreams
Let the world know that i am edward whom once was
I will live through my poetry and memories, but death took me long ago


Details | Free verse | |

Life Can Be Cruel

I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum, coming for me?

"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"

I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now

I wish God 
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!

“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!

I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if 
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own

A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!

Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Dirty tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm

“What am I going to do?”

“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?

“Is my life worth living?”

Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!


Details | Free verse | |

Photo Album

I keep an old photo album 
on my bottom shelf. 
I get it out every once in a while, 
just to sift the time away 

I keep a lot of pictures 
There inside that book. Some are old and a little 
Yellow now, but still somehow clear. 
Funny hair and clothes. Gigs and weddings, 
funerals and newspaper clips, 
just like time standing still 

Tonight I looked through it again, 
just knowing what I might find. 
Somehow I think my heart 
knew what it was looking for. 
by the time I got halfway through 

As I neared the end 
of this blue memory lane…I saw it again… 
the picture of you and me on our first night together. 
I remember your blue eyes, your beautiful smile…. 
I remembered you….in my heart 

You are, were, and always will be the love of my life, 
The memories came flooding back, 
too fast for words, and too strong to hold. 
I remember God smiling down on us 
As we shared our first night. 

Dear God-how I loved you 
(and still love you) so much 
But now it can’t be…when 
time and pain have driven us apart. 
How did it get this way? 

For minutes that seemed like years, 
I cried my tears on your picture 
And kissed your cheek on that page 
I was trying so hard to keep the pain away. 
But it came unrelenting… 

And I’m afraid there are 
many more tears to cry 
who knows when they’ll come 
My heart is forever yours, captured 
in a snapshot on page 24 

As I lay me down to sleep 
I pray the Lord keeps you safe 
May you feel loved tonight 
even though 
I’m very far away 

I’ll always keep your picture 
And your kiss inside my heart 
I just can’t bear to 
throw away the memory 
Of the love that we’ve lost 

Your picture is still inside 
That album on my shelf 
Sealed by tears, and prayers 
Memories too painful to hold on to, 
and too precious to let go


Details | Free verse | |

Soy Sauce Spills

Soy sauce drains 
Into the white, clustered rice
Stepped on…
spills . . . 
Soy sauce taints
The whiteness of the grain
 It slips out of my hands
No use...no point in crying out in rage
Though I was starving, 
I'll just eat another thing and start on a new page

I'm hungry like a swine
I wish I can earn back my snack!
I'm as angry as a bull
I'm about ready to attack! Attack!
Soy sauce packages
Fall unto the dirty school ground
Stepped on
By bratty, conceited teens
They really need to eat their greens
Instead of junkfood and pizza
They should drink some water
Instead of drinking sugary drinks or
 Sucking on popsicles obnoxiously
Why did the soy sauce spill? Seriously....


Details | Free verse | |

Leave a Message After the Beep

It's always hardest, when there is no one to talk to-
When I dial your number, and it just rings and rings
Until the dreaded "voice mail" picks up.
For just an instant, when there is that brief crackle and "click"-
My hopes skyrocket that you have picked up the phone and answered, when I needed it most, the moment I am most frantic...
But when, in reality, it's just that pre-recorded message that I've heard a million times before; how I loath it
And I feel my heart sinking, like there are anchors tied all around it, dragging it into the depths of my stomach!
Where are you? Can you not feel my desperation through the infinite channels of the universe, or are they clogged and busy, too?
Don't you know that I need you, perhaps now, more than ever?
I know you're at that fancy French restaurant you're always talking about, drinking fine wine and eating escargot, possibly dancing the night away.
While I am here, all alone, eating my own heart out for supper.
All I need, all I want, is a compassionate voice on the other end of the line, talking me down off the ledge once again.
Don't you know I've had too much to drink; that I am listening to sad songs and thinking about doing it again- that awful thing which leaves me so terribly scarred when I wake from my stupor? The cuts. You know, those things you hate to see marring my arms.
But I'll have to resort to self-will and self-control, of which I have so very little...
I may or may not make it through another night of melancholy and self-loathing.
Please, for the love of God, pick up the damn phone!

*Any Poem Goes Contest Entry
~JustThatArchaicPoet
 


Details | Free verse | |

Invisible

They
Are
Among us.
Not alien
But more
Like us than
You will ever know.
They are
Neighbors
Dying
Of
Disease
And 
Hate
And
Grief.
They live
Next door
Behind walls
Built
Not of stone
But of fear.
Hungry
Penniless
Alone.
They are
Stereotypes
Birthing
Children.
Ad dictions
Carving
Flesh from
Bones.
They are
Sold
Into
Slavery
Beaten
By
Other
People's
Philosophies.
They are
Invisible.
But not
To
Me.


Details | Free verse | |

Pain

Pain is good I know I’m
Alive
In a world of hate in a world of lies
No one can see what is happening to me

Personal hatred in my personal life
Agonizing pain caused from my lies
Inside I wish that I could just die
No one can see that all I am is a lie

People don’t see me nobody cares
Anguish and hatred is all I see there
Intent on relief a razor I hold
Nicking my skin I don’t care what I’m told

Peace is all that I want, can
Anyone hear me
Involved with my life
No one can see me

Pain, sharp pain as I slice my wrist
After life’s gone that’s all that I wish
Incentive for life is all but gone
Never will feel cause my life is done


Details | Free verse | |

We all fear

Why do we feel hatred?
We fear discontrol.

Why don't they get it?
Why don't they comprehend?
Why do we wait?
Why do we protect?
Why do we run?
We fear destiny.

Why does it hurt?
Why does it burn?
Why do we fight?
Why do they betray us?
We fear love,
We fear friendship.

Why do we keep?
Why is it deep?
We fear the abyss.

Why hell?
Why heaven?
Why purgatory?
We fear darkness,
We fear light.

Why do we live?
Why do we die?
Why do we suffer?
We fear death,
We fear life.

We all live,
We all die,
We all keep,
We all fight,
We all suffer,
We all cry,
We all love,
We all wait,
We all give,
We all receive,
We all trust,
We all wish,
We all dream,
We all remember,
We all feel...

We all vanish,
We all rise,
We can ignite.

We fear destruction.
We all expect,
We all regret,
We all lie.

Why hate?
Why do we create?
Why do you stare?
Why do they glare?
Why explore?
Why hope?
Why goodbye?
Why shine?

We all think,
We all see,
We all go,
We all deserve,
We all pass,
We all fear...


Details | Free verse | |

The Light

They praise me like a saint,
But I am a sinner;
They don't know the man they see.
I am an addict.
Broken eyes to pornography,
Only Jesus can set me free.
Only by His death on the cross
And the grace of His Father's love
Am I able to be set free.
With God as The Light,
The One and Only Light,
The Only Hope in sight,
Will I be set free.
I am free.


Details | Free verse | |

Written Tragedy

A glimpse of heavenly bliss taken away |
My heart sinks as I can longer find |
For you, I willingly have trusted |
But you left, not even a glance back |

Didn't care to see the pain |
Didn't care to see the fragile heart |
To which a piece of it was broken |
Since the day you chose to be careless |

Sometimes I just want to give up |
It just hurts me for you no longer cherish |
Why can’t I have that same mentality? |
Yet, foolishly, here I am still holding on |

All I’m stuck with are distant memories |
Yet, the absolute and bitter part of it all |
Are the majestic memories you left with me |
Ones that are worth to hold onto for a lifetime |

But every time I think about it, I relive it |
Every time I relive it, I feel my heart bleed | 
Something so beautiful just to be thrown away |
It been better, had it never happened |

But you're not here to treat my wound |
Oblivious to my agonizing pain |
Only because I chose to conceal the truth |
Masking it within to not complicate your life |

But one can’t help but ask |
How could you have not noticed? |
Would you intentionally left me in the dark? |
To become estranged from a bond we once built on? |

It is only then, I begin to put a wall |
A wall that will never be broken down |
To not only protect myself from others |
But to protect others from me |

No longer able to trust or depend |
Unwilling to give my love or affection |
Who really knows what lies behind that smile? |
Everything I once believed in, cease to exist |

Nothing but words of deception; acts that kill |
Countless encounters, but only a few |
To whom I gave my all; my inner self |
It’s not easy for me, for I don’t trust many |

But only because a promise was made |
That you were the real deal; the true friend |
One who could not be altered to turn the other way |
But you have abandoned me; left me but a few words |

Left me when I needed you the most |
Leaving me stranded in the midst of confusion |
Made me to believe that I was unworthy |
Undeserving of an explanation or goodbye |

Initially, you rescued me from my own darkness |
You helped me to see my possible future in bright colors… |
Now, the only inspiration I have that keeps me going |
Is hopelessly writing about my once past tragedy |


Details | Free verse | |

Enta Eih

What are you (how cruel are you) isn’t it enough,
That you hurt me? Have pity. How cruel are you?
Why my love, is it so easy for you to bring me to tears,
And why do I accept that you hurt me when my soul is part of you,
And why am I accepting this torment at your hands?
If this is love, my misery is from it,
And if I am to blame, I cannot say never again,
And if it is my lot to live in torment,
I shall live in torment,
Have you no pity? Have you no shame that you cheat me knowing the love I have for you,
Is it not a shame, the passion and the years and longing that I am living for you?
Was the love lost completely? Or has it been a game,
Was the love and tenderness and my heart and faith in you all lost?
If this is love, my misery is from it,
And if I am to blame, I cannot say never again,
And if it is my lot to live in torment,
I shall live in torment…


Details | Free verse | |

The Monster in my Head

"The Monster in my Head"

Do you know what it's like
to hear voices at night?
The kind that keep you awake.

You may fall asleep,
yet it's anything but peaceful
as the screams penetrate into dreams.

The thoughts and fears you keep inside
come alive and refuse to leave,
as they voice what you've tried so hard to hide.

Pills will not help; alcohol only delays
There is no escape from the voice;
Listening is no longer a choice.

I just want rest, a moment of peace.
Silence the voices.
Save me, please.


Details | Free verse | |

Husband, Im listening

I sat there listening to your words, 
as you told me
Told me, you felt my pain and cried 
my tears
Telling me you missed me, each and 
every night
While I cry, my sad sounds
Pouring my heart, releasing my 
roots
Listening and believing your words

Until, shadows start coming out the 
dark
Truth, shines upon my rose bush
Telling me, your not telling the truth
Thunder, keeps hitting my eardrums 
Trying to show me, you

I sat there listening to your words, 
as you told me
Told me, you felt my pain and cried 
my tears
Telling me you missed me, each and 
every night
While I cry, my sad sounds
Pouring my heart, releasing my 
roots
Listening and believing your words

I opened, my soul and listened
I relax my body, and took all the 
signs
Realizing, I'm hurt at the end and 
destroyed 
I'm home, suffering from this pain 
of love
While, your out having a good time
I'm home losing weight
While , your out eating at buffets
I'm home, not committing adultery
While, your out sinning under our 
skies
Creating more and more lies
Not realizing, shadows do come out
They come out the dark

I sat there listening to your words, 
as you told me
Told me, you felt my pain and cried 
my tears
Telling me you missed me, each and 
every night
While I cry, my sad sounds
Pouring my heart, releasing my 
roots
Listening and believing your words

I sent you money and cater, from 
afar
Understood, you are my husband
Under God, I shall obey
Obey , his laws
But , who's laws, do I obey
When all this sin, is in my skin
Ripping me apart
Far apart, from the one, I love

I sat there listening to his words, as 
he told me
Told me, he felt my pain and cried 
my tears
Telling me, he missed me, each and 
every night
While I cry, my sad sounds
Pouring my heart, releasing my 
roots
Listening and believing his words

Now!
What to do, my mind is so confuse
Confuse on walking away or staying
I guess, it's not up to you
Now , that I know the truth
The truth about listening, to your 
words


Details | Free verse | |

The Eyes

The Eyes

The eyes so shattered and so blue,
You sit there and you knew
The pain of losing someone close to you,
And you beg for their return,
But a wish so great, can never be granted.

The eyes shattered and blue,
Watch you,
Take the bottle and drowned yourself,
They watch you destroy yourself,
And they know what they do,
Yet they show no remorse, no pain in heart.

You fall asleep
On a dirty mattress,
Held up by broken dreams
And nightmares,
No pillow, no blanket
Just air you float on.
And your blind eyes close in the night,
The dreams come back to haunt you
And the eyes, they watch you,
So shattered and so blue.

Till three o’clock hits again
Wake in cold sweat,
Spiders on webs weaving a nest
In your head,
A cry out for the Madhouse,
Where the eyes so shattered and so blue
Stare at you, through a window with no reflection.

-10/3/2013


Details | Free verse | |

Every Second We're Away

Every second we're away,
We grow stronger everyday
Until that day will finally come
When we know it's okay
And we will rest in each other's arms
In peace from God above,
No longer missing one another
Because we're together;
Built forever in each other's love.


Details | Free verse | |

Beset Upon A Mountain - ADULT CONTENT-

Resting after wandering upon earth and stars
A maiden appears before the fountain
Offering water for a soul traveler
Gazing upon her eyes
Somethings stirs, a chemical reaction
Lunging forward taking her quickly within his arms
The electric spark is only the start
Her lips taste of cherries
Must be her favorite kind of berry
She pulls away but  
Her eyes they betray
Passion indeed does take hold
Moving from her lips to neck
As though devouring flesh
Forcing her to the ground
She protests, weakly
Forcing hand between legs
She fears, he now knows
She longed for this touch
Spread your legs
They spread
The water flows
Again the attempt to pull away
No longer will he be denied
Removing hers then his, clothing
He enters her gates
She gasp...
She was ready but not ready
Each thrust fills her with more lust
No longer can she deny
Locking arms and legs to embrace
Something has moved within them
The blessings of heaven's grace


Details | Free verse | |

Judge and Jury

Should I disregard
what other people think or,
balanced on the brink, maintain
a thin-veneered façade?
Where shall I store,
how shall I keep,
the poetry I must write
but cannot show--
that which smolders deep
and threatens to erupt?
Must I lock it all
securely in a box,
store it high upon a shelf
where none are wont to go?
Would it be likely to corrupt
the innocently unaware?
Should I, at least,
pretend to care?
Might not I plunge into the mob,
joining others of this ilk...
should it be my job
to preach, now the day
has finally been reached --
to walk alone in open air,
free from fear of full disclosure?
Would my revelations stir
those who taunt, who hate?
Might not their spate of hurtful words,
and worse, prompt my avoidance of 
the fate they threaten,
encourage my reluctance to unmask?
And may I be moved, instead,
in surly tones, to ask
who made them my judge and jury?


Details | Free verse | |

Lost

Feeling cold,
Lost in desperation,
Remembering sadness,
Getting in frustration...

Trying to let go,
Comprehended,
By few of those.

Losing comprehension,
Restrained from myself,
Being criticized,
Feeling hollowed.

Needing help,
To bring me,
Back to life...


Details | Free verse | |

Unwelcome

i've come to realize that changes
however unwelcome
happen for a reason, 
and those changes 
happen to change who we are
and in turn i have come to realize 
that we are the master of our own depression
that no matter who hurts us
no matter the pain that haunts us
however unwelcome this pain may be
i have the power to undo the hurt
and smile.


Details | Free verse | |

My Bitter Heart

My bitter heart, a ghost that ever lingers at the edge of sight
First seeking, then fleeing as if by chancing that which it desires most
Might forever add permanence to its lonely sentence

Still the specter remains, shrieking in sleepless sleep
Wailing in her misery for that which was lost and what can never be
She haunts my dreams by day and night with woe of circumstance

I feel her arms enfold me and her lips still claim my own
A trace of honey lingers from mead once tasted, but no more
Not but fickle memories to taunt and scorn me for the fool I am

My hands are empty of all but time, and that, the heaviest burden
I carry it alone, and alone I will remain though the world surrounds me
This bitter cup, once sweet, falls empty to the ground…spent.

                                                                ~Christopher Thor Britt


Details | Free verse | |

for stephanie

this is not what i wanted
this pain in my heart
all i do is wonder
is there pain in her heart
this dark cloud i'm under
follows me day and night
and there's something inside of me
screaming somethings not right
this is not lonliness 
but something new
this is how i feel
when i cannot be with you


(inspired by, "Better, The Devil You Know")


Details | Free verse | |

These Walls I Built

Stuck in the prison of my own life,
I dodge behind these walls I built.
And inside is a demon covered in guilt
And shame so thick you can't see his eyes.
God, please help me to see
No matter what, You will always love and be with me.
Thank You Father for everything.
In Jesus' Name,
We pray.
Amen.


Details | Free verse | |

Child of Mine

You are my love,
my hearts content.
you are my life,
a life ideal.
you are my joy,
and you are my happy.
happiness like no one else can bring.
you are my hopes,
and you are my dreams.
you light up my life.
you are my everything.
you are my fear,
and frustration.
you are my pain,
and you are my anger.
you bring out the best of the worst in me.
you are someone to blame,
someone to hurt,
someone who is no one who deserves the anger inside of me.
you are my child.

A child you should be,
I should love you as God intended.
I wish someday our bond can be mended.
I have made choices, i can not take back.
I can not make up for the motherly lack.
circumstance and situations have put me here,
feeling hopeless and living in fear.
anxiety has stricken me,
I have succumb to my disease.
giving up on what i believe,
I have become someone in need.
I can no longer give my love,
my patience has run dry.
my heart has grown cold, 
my eyes can no longer cry.

Forgive me for the mistakes I have made,
forgive me for the pain in your heart,
forgive me for the tears in your eyes.
I too am a child, learning how to become wise.

I love you child of mine


Details | Free verse | |

In and Out

Breath in, pain within,
Restless rattling of wracked lungs.
Breath out, pain out,
Released relaxation of soft flesh.
Breath in, thoughts in,
Never speaking out, always hiding true thoughts.
Breath out, thoughts out,
Calibrated and monitored, dirtying the truth.
Breath in, limbs in,
Staying home, sleeping life away.
Breath out, limbs out,
Running, jumping, participating.

In and out, Out and in. Breathing is such a simple, such and ordinary, necessary thing that we all 
do, and yet it belies and reveals so much of a person it's startling. A sharp intake of breath, a 
reluctant gasp, labored breathing, soft sighs. The breath of life is known as that for many 
reasons and one, because with every breath we tell the tale of ourselves. So breath easy 
friends, life rolls on.


Details | Free verse | |

The Tide of Life

Time moves on 
as on this earth
men live and die each day
Humanity wallows 
in wretchedness
Men steal, lie, kill
plunder one another
People deceive each other
- no end to pain, suffering, agony
Yet, wretched life or not
Life must go on


Details | Free verse | |

The Mud, I Long It End

The shadows are nearing their loss
E’en the rays are growing weak
Foams darken as the bolt strikes
A blizzard of drops I fear it is

The prints! How far will thy end be?
Hmm! I see thy mother, her tents-
With depths about she scatters
Thick and sticky they stand judging

Soon fall my hope from whence it hung,
The stream of gums there it may drop
Yet ceaseless my arteries work
Re-tuning my heartbeat’s pounds

Issues cover gold polish-
Like the body that travels white
A curse it stamps on their souls
Sinking the hope they pride on

Quick to fail is my faith for the-
Irony my thought feeds it with
Can only get better, but worse-
It seems and disheartening it is

A once bad experience turns worse
A tale, the promise becomes-
Of a path so good e’en the-
Festival ram would not walk on

Well! Will speak well of what I-
Want and expect that which I long-
For, trusting an appointed-
Time waits it drainage for a new track


Details | Free verse | |

In a Welsh Chapel Darkly

I know you see me from up there,
from halfway up the steep and twisting lane.
In early half-light as you take your walk
I no doubt seem to loom as you descend,
appear to grow, to rise from earth,
my boxlike rectilinearity,
severe and unadorned geometry,
a silhouette against the solitary sodium source.

I once hosted fiery-throated hymns
from dedicated souls in Sunday best:
“Marchog, Jesu, yn llwyddiannus”,
“O! Iesu mawr, rho d’anian bur” –
voices rich and raised and resonant,
so filled with faith, so gorged with God.
My pitch-pine pews were polished
by coat and skirt and trouser twill.

Abandoned now, unloved, slab-still,
void and stark and desolate,
with quarry-tiled floor that would resound
with joy were anyone to walk upon it,
I present gaping emptiness, a thing felt,
a cave whose darkness, palpable,
is peopled by retreating echoes of my past,
like timorous ghosts far too afraid to speak.

But there is One I must not name
who lodges in my roomy quarters,
cowers within my tight square corners,
seeking shadows when the sun stares in.
I hear Him breathing as
He sweats in His remorse, a thing smelt,
hiding from the accusing gaze
of His forlorn creation.


Details | Free verse | |

Light To Dark

You think you’ve gone just far enough,

I could smile knowing you’ve gone far enough that you can’t go back again

You think you were careful but,

I’ve caught a glimpse of your true, wretched form

You think you can find a way into my good graces

I’ve seen what you are, monsters with a friendly costume

You can’t deceive me anymore and, I don’t consort with serpents

You think I’m a game to be played but, trust me, you could never win

Don’t underestimate me

You think I’m a joke but, trust me you won’t be laughing

You think I’m just talking myself up but, trust me, you’re the ones going down

My eyes took too long to adjust

Better late than never

It may take a monster to know one but, I promise my teeth are sharper than yours

My first reaction to the hideous revelation that was your form was to weep

Fall to my knees, maybe even wretch my heart from my chest and onto the carpet

Then I thought about the mess it would make

I decided the only blood that will spill, will be your own

I was not weak, but I had a weakness

A heart of soft gold stitched to my sleeve with care

No longer

Now my heart is a stone so heavy

I could kill at least two birds at once 

Being the nice guy is a thing of the past 

Thanks for freeing me of that softness

You thought I was all sunshine and delicate things

When really I had just been swallowing razor blades

Now that sun is setting and I hope you see it was you who were wrong

Can you feel my darkness coming, because it’s eager to hold you

If you thought I was the one who would just stand still or turn to run

Your gonna be the one with tired feet

I’m not sad anymore

Just sick with the plague of your lies

Contagious, and I’m looking for someone to kiss

Even angels can make themselves wicked

When we do, we take no prisoners

Still think I’m a game

This one is just beginning


Details | Free verse | |

Theatrical Life

No drama,
Criticized,
No scene,
Criticized,
No theater,
Critized,
No life,
Criticized,
No death,
Criticized...

A hipnotic spell,
A happy comedy,
An impact of tragedy,
A depressive sorrow,
A constant paranoia,
A living psychology,
A passing psychiatry...

An endless beginning...


Details | Free verse | |

No Party For Pity

 No party for pity. 
 Question the absurdity. 
 Friends, use discretion 
 if you get an invitation. 
 It's counterfeit. 
 Don't believe it. 
 Don't RSVP, 
 if you receive it. 
 Discard immediately. Don't contemplate. 
 It'll lead you nowhere. Don't save the date. 
 No early, late, or on time arrivals. 
 The doorbell is silent. 
 No lively dinner guests, 
 dressed in their best. 
 No hors d'oeuvres served on a fancy plate. 
 No thought-provoking conversations. 
 No guestbook to sign. 
 No vintage wine. 
 No catered food. 
 No live music for the mood. 
 No celebration for pity's pains. 
 No "congratulations,"  for complaints.         
 No party here. Discard the invitation. 
 Pity's alone, in bitter contemplation.


Details | Free verse | |

There She Goes

There she goes,
a mile away from me already,
so fast to leave such a good man,
that showed her the world
and all its wonders.
Such a man as I,
does not need so much stress,
does not deserve such heartbreak.
I am a man who deserves smiles,
not heartbreak and pain.
To feel my heart race faster and faster
I lay at home with a smile
as God comes down to me,
shall I take his message and I shall dress
in such silk and cotton
and dance with the sun, moon and stars,
wait for a new woman,
steady paced woman she will come my way,
and take me by the hand,
like a fish to the bait onto the hook
up higher and higher she goes
into my net.
There she goes higher and higher,
farther and farther,
a mile further.
Love is strange,
just keep on smiling.


Details | Free verse | |

Spirit unbroken

Dear loveless one

Your hatred may have left holes
in my emotions
and your fury unleashed scars
upon the spirit
you will never possess...
Even though your tongue dug my soul's grave
and your hands muffled my cries
and bound me in chains 
to sinking death as a child,
I kept on living for hope's sake.
You deafened my ears to joy's call
and love I passed by, oblivious
to its tender touch.
You blinded my eyes to the beauty
that was staring me in the face 
and stitched up my mouth 
to prevent your own shame 
escaping in audible screams...

Today my body rests in the ocean
and still you are troubled.
Why then?
You got what you wanted, didn't you?
You murdered your own flesh and blood
to compensate for your flaws.

You know... You know you can't run
from a past so dark.
You hear my daunting laughter 
and the endless pleading haunts you.

I grip your black heart frozen
and whisper, "Goodbye."

Sincerely, 
Spirit unbroken.

(A tribute to all abused children)


Details | Free verse | |

the darts of cupid

darts of cupid fly invisibly
their target 
       a palpitating heart unchecked vulnerable
the arrows pierce the fleshy heart
setting it into rhythmic pain of intimacy
there the victim restively unsure go astir
yearning-dream-thinking
urge-needing-urge-missing
while the assailant watch indifferently
while the captive he locks in his heart
falsely he smiles to cheer cupid into further action
      arrows fly arrows dart
the victim scowl and snarl in ecstasy
like an iron bar hot red from furnace fire
It glows dangerously but only to reshaped anew
the anvil of dedication fears no warmth
eyes front, love stares on in languid movement
towards the entrance of jest
Passion and romance enter hand in hand 
while at peace with angels
     then music of captivity blares on
 in a solitary mind
chants of love pain & passionate agony
command the captive souls now chained-twined safe
lovers lives are lost into sublimity of the velvet moon
down the path all full of eyes
eyes full of admiration watch one with the victory Patton
the favorite one of fate
filled with floating feelings


Details | Free verse | |

Girl Rising

To live under oppression is terrible
watching every word you utter
never quite sure what sets him off
what he laughs at one day, the next
a flying fist smashes you to the floor

Always fearful, guts in a spin of tension
listening at night for the creak of stairs
knowing you will be brutally raped
just an object, a chattel to be used 
the heartache, pain and despair.

The feeling of helplessness abounds
you wake one morning to find
all is quiet, not even sounds of snoring
fearfully you walk through the house.

Then, there he lies bloated not moving
he has drowned in his own vomit
a kind policeman takes your hand
leads you off to see a doctor 

Who is shocked by your battered body
tenderly they question you 
stunned into silence by your words
you are taken to a pretty home

A kindly woman cares for you
suddenly at the age of 14
you are finally free of him
can go out when you like
even finally have some friends

And are able to say what you want
with no fear of flying fists lashing out
baffled, bewildered you slowly adapt
savouring the greatest gift of all

Freedom, yes Freedom, so priceless
the chains of oppression have slipped away
after 14 years of being humiliated and oppressed
suddenly a new world opens up before you
where the choices are limited only by yourself

                 FREEDOM


written 07/ 21/2013

contest: Girl Rising


Details | Free verse | |

A Product of YOU

I am a product of everything you didn't do You are the white powder on my top lip As my body shakes and shifts Praying this will help my spirits lift Just a product of what you didn't do All I think, all I say, all I do The way I fall over and over again For the same no good  dude Knowing he'll beat me till black and blue I am a product of you Each time I look at a reflection of me A helpless version of you Is all I see Yet, Another cracked product of you Still searching, I look as if hooked On the natural curve of my blood stains lips Layers of clothes Hiding my natural born gifts Ripped pants over my bruises And heart shaped hips I am a battered version of you Each step I take is magnified Hiding the pain I bare inside Because of all you didn't do I walk with broken dreams and head held high A Broken heart Pumped with fake pride Infected with love lies  When reality is I just wish I'd die I am a broken product of you How about when I'm hit Or The way I scream When beaten and kicked And especially how my mind goes numb When mutilated and stripped All a product of what you didn't do You are the pain in the bottle I sip The liquor smell ingrained on my lips The reason I lose my grip On reality... I am just a fallen product of you You are the girlfriends I don't have And the only male companion I do You are the reason I'm cracked, now shattered Yet, you are my glue I am a defective product of all you didn't do Yet, the question still remains Who & where are you?  Lay


Details | Free verse | |

Photograph

Nothing left of you now
nothing here to see
A memory left by you
soon that will fade, too
where did you go?
why didn't you know?
when I needed you
as time ticks away
my photograph fades
to black and white
no more colors, no more life
no more negatives, just a positive
taken out of the frame
held you to the flame
burning away my pain
so it's goodbye to blame






Written by: Kelly Deschler  motif: philosophical


Details | Free verse | |

Side By Side

Oh it's a beautiful night!
The moon is full
And the stars are glowing
While the trees, with Earth's cool summer breeze
Start slowly blowing...

A campfire's flames are burning so bright
While a young couple holds each other tight
Warming their hearts, as these two lovers embrace
Traveling together, through time and space
Oh how tonight, with their love, they won't hide
Two lovers forever, Side By Side

Under the stars, both of them lay
They've been together, happy, all night and all day
Holding each other, a sweet caress
While green grass stains her pretty white dress
But no words, to each other, do they say
Happy just sitting Side By Side, knowing no other way

Gazing up at the stars
Breathing in the night
Them together with nature
A beautiful sight

All the years they've both struggled
And how they cried 
Has led them here tonight
It matters not now
As they'll lie here forever, Side By Side


Details | Free verse | |

The Whisper of Flames

He is a fire.
I fell in love with his eyes,
How they're like chips of charcoal
The space of a spark away
From igniting...
I remember how he first held me-
How he murmured in my ear,
Speaking words like a whisper of flames...
But the whisper of flames is always 
Accompanied by the crackle of burning logs 
As they collapse-
I never made the connection that the whisper
Of his voice in my ear would mean I'd have to
Listen to the shatter of my own heart
As it cracked-
My heart was a clay pinch pot
Molded perfectly to the shape of his palms-
I told him to keep it close to him,
Not realizing that he was not only
The creator but the kiln-
His heat snuck into all the cracks
And weaknesses under my surface,
Until I smashed into a hundred tear-shaped 
Fragments under the pressure because he-
He is heat...
And I was always too fragile not to get
Burned...


Details | Free verse | |

Oceans Full of Tears

Oceans full of tears 
A sea sick with fear
Where lonely fish swim in ridicule and plastic

For mother earth listens and blisters from
Bombastic rhetoric from climatic heretics – don’t you get it?

A sustainable future, but a suture on open wounds
A world in constant triage 
A cease-fire on the horizon?

Listen to your heart, feel the rhythm of life 
Take a little slice, don’t roll the dice

Mother earth still listens through the trees, her songs on the breeze
A melody through your hair 
That caresses those that know;

How to see the light, on a forest floor
Cascading spectrum's 
Through dew drops bursting with life

That all may follow in her footsteps 
So light of tread
For a brighter world ahead


Details | Free verse | |

marking time....to my friends on poetry soup.- the Lord helped me fight death and won.

i don't want to be just marking

time.  i died on november 20,

2008, during surgery.  i was

on a vent when i awakened 

december 2, 2008....my sisters'

birthday. what made me llive

i'll never know.  i know there

are things to do on this side

of death.



i have no time for marking time.

i have a stupid bag hanging from

my side now.  i am supposed to

"get comfortable with it".  well

that was a laugh.

that was a laugh until i thought

of the people that had these

things with no hope of ever

getting away from them.



i am so lucky.  14 days i laid

on a vent, then 22 more.

i came home 3 days, 



then 


i had
great pain in my chest...
.
well this is great i said,

a pulmonary emboli, 15 more

days, three days home.



then back to e.r. blood pressure

too high.  this bought me 

4 more days in e.r.



i am home now and finally 

have spent 19 days home.

i feel every pain and i feel

every time that i feel good



yes, i am never marking

time again.....there is

something about fighting

for your life and your sanity

that straightens things out.



i don't recommend it but

i wish i could let your hearts

know what i know.

janetta


Details | Free verse | |

Dear Agony

To cry…
Is to wash the soul from darkness 
And suffers
To exude the pain in matters, in seconds
To laugh…
Is to revive your soul and body 
Add minutes to your time
Add purpose to your life
To smile…
Is to hide the pain of yours
Kill the fragility of your time
Smirk towards the hurt
To lower your head toward the ground…
Is to live up your day with no meaning
Spend your hours idly 
Pretend not to care but it hurts so much because of care
To foretell jokes…
Is to live the true agony 
And be the greater good
For your happiness is soon to be yours again 
To sit alone, peaceful and unbothered…
Is to live up your thoughts and visualize your ideas
Create the tones, make the lines
Open up the space that’s in your mind 
To walk but not walk…
Is to visualize yourself in another place, another time
With other people, better people
To do stuff you never did 
But then it hits you again 
The worthlessness and insignificance of your life
To listen to music and look out the window at night…
Is to think about the lover you never had
Consider the passion that is never to occur
Live the gloominess of your time
To walk and see the completeness of you and partialness of others…
Is to finally realize how blessed and unthankful you are
How ungrateful and stupid you will always be
How one can never be grateful for what one has but other lacks
To wear your favorite clothing and realize it does not fit you perfectly…
Is to realize how wasteful and careless you are for your body 
How uncomprehending you are for time and the quickness of it 
How your life may pass swiftly without your joyfulness of youth 
To suppress a tear on your pillow…
Is to dig the real thing deep down 
Until you close your eyes
Dried tears on your face and pillow
And never to open them again you wish 


Details | Free verse | |

the arrival of justice

she cowers in the corner 
when he comes home the 
mere clomp of the boots 
make their way to the room 
wherein she is hiding her
breathing rapidly increasing
her heart thumping louder
than his footsteps growing
closer while she tries to 
work out her next move she
is pulled out from under 
the bed by her ankles what
happens next you imagine
in your worst terror if you
can picture a glass bottle 
being forcefully thrown
point-blank at a plane of 
brand-new asphalt smashing
splintering all over the place
cutting slicing hurting 
maiming everything in its 
path the shards never to be 
removed but instead to inflame
infect to etch permanent 
physical scars in her skin to
mirror to echo the emotional
the mental scars vibrating 
maddening throughout her
body the cycle continues 
day after day week after 
week year after year the 
whole while making any 
possible memory of what 
he was before it all began
when she swore herself to
him when they smiled 
together when the proverbial
demons were nowhere to 
be seen yet now they are
all that she sees without a 
free moment to breathe 
anything but fear sadness
blood still caked on the side
of her cheek she slides 
quicker quicker quicker
into the red the darker the
color as the pain explodes
in her brain as each day’s
torment torture brings 
what she never thought 
possible a new surprise of
momentously malicious 
proportions until she breaks
like the glass he broke a
hundred thousand times 
she closes her eyes grips 
whatever is heavy blunt 
sharp killing device with 
both hands comes crashing 
down hard swift powerful
with every bit of strength
that she has inside her that
she has kept pent up inside
the whole while she has been
beaten beaten beaten for
years now always covering
up her wounds sharing not 
a second of her story to 
anyone always lying to her 
best friends her family now
all ending all wrapping up
the story when his head 
smashed like glass spattered
gushing flowing a maroon 
pool all over the floor she
drops the instrument of her
freedom from him her freedom
from all the pain she lifts her
head she does not cry a 
tear for all her tears have been
cried out she leaves the room
in silence a silence so sweet
it sings a million new melodies
which illustrate the possibility of
a new beginning.  


Details | Free verse | |

A Lost Sheep in Godly Sleep

Inspired by Psalms 23:1-6 (enjoy, poets!!) :

v. 1-3 

I’m a lost sheep, hoping for a godly sleep 
LONGING for a delightful sleep 
In search of my beloved shepherd… 
I was willing to pray for some rewards to reap 
To pray for a heavenly dream…
Not a frightening nightmare…or I’ll scream! 
Now, I’m satisfied 
With godly sleep
I lie my head down
In green pastures 
That’s where I seek
God’s comfort…

The paths of righteousness
Renews my faithfulness

v. 4-6

I’m passing through the shadow of death…
In yield of Your staff 
The Lord whispers in my ear gently:
“Fear no evil, for I’m with you!”
To pick me up from the ground…
And heal me…I’m trying my best 
Let me have a moment’s rest
In search of Your Promise Land…Your nest 

Fill my cup with Your mercy
And give me a piece of your serenity…
A taste of sincerity...a slice of sensibility...
A flavor of integrity...

I beg You to take care of me…
And hand me a portion of eternal glee

You are my kindhearted, generous shepherd 
My comforter…my reliever
My God…I’m most certainly YOUR believer
You aren’t a deceiver…
I was once a downright nonbeliever

You are MY awesome God
I’m strengthened and comforted by Your rod! 

I’m walking Your narrow path of mercy and goodness…
I’m dwelling in God’s house~ 

I was once a lost sheep
Mourning night after night…
I used to forlorn day after day 
I’m alarmed and I’m yearning for Your light 
Your might…Your delight
To get through my plight…to fight the good fight
I used to weep bitterly in dismay 

I was once a lost sheep
But, now I’m enjoying my godly sleep
I’m skipping to and fro
In God’s green pastures…I lie…
I sing …I grow…I wander off…I fly…
I float…in God’s still waters – 
His PEACE will never die! 

He lifts me up on cloud nine
I’m a lost sheep in godly sleep
He nurtures me like His child – I’m feelin’ fine
I’m a joyful sheep in godly sleep


Details | Free verse | |

The Cold

My heart lies out in the cold
Where cold wind blows and
The dark birds of winter sing their song of death.

Seven days I waited for salvation
Slowly, my ever cell froze
Each becoming a crystal of ivory china. 

My thoughts, as still as my bones, 
Waver as if I was stuck in a wall of glass.

In death I found beauty
Of an everlasting stillness.

Though my body beaten, my face stained,
With tears and blood
and my thighs and hips covered in their own filthy secretion
My face remains a youthful, beautiful woman of desire. 
The insides spill out, but the body from which they came,
Will be forever frozen in an illustrious lure.

Forever desired by men of filth, and men of wealth alike. 
This is the cold.


Details | Free verse | |

Brokenhearted

I do perceive
All the great words I receive 
But how could I be so far 
and yet so near,
to what I believe is fear.

Words can be like a chandelier,
falling from the ceiling.
Crushing every bone in your body,
until your heart starts bleeding.

Nothing feels like it makes sense,
its like I'm falling into a sharp fence
until the blood is drenched from my body
until the earth devours me like I'm shoddy.

This hurt.
This brokenhearted feeling.
This pain.
I feel so ashamed.

Why does bad things happen to me?
Why cant anyone see?
That deep down I'm broken,
But still people play me like I'm a token.

Trust,Hope and love I keep a s a treasure.
But still I'm being measured.
I cant help this feeling.
Nor my heart that's bleeding.

This hurt this pain.
Will it ever go away. 


Details | Free verse | |

Summertimes

It's the first day of summer,
    When we sit on the fresh green grass,
    When the sun rays bring us warmth,
    When our visions reflect the blue sky above,
    When the fragrance of flowers linger in our heart
    When our laughter was a tune in the air...

 And it's the end of summer,
    When you sit me on a crushed flower,
    When the rays of sun become faint,
    When our vision can see the dark sky,
    When you let the rain kiss my cheek,
    And the silence is the only thing we can hear....


Details | Free verse | |

Usted siempre tendra mi corazon

Tears fall from my heart
with pain filling my eyes
Grasping on to the past, 
realizing our present and future no longer exist
Gone with the courage I had to stand, to smile , to laugh
the love shared between
taken by another
though I knew that time would come
I couldn't prepare 
Now I lay reminiscing of what was 
Knowing that IS is a thing of the past
Ignorant to the ticking clock of our love
who's arms has reached death
as the final tick booms through the air
signifying the end of forever
the end of your love and the beginning to another
Lurking in the back of my mind
wondering how her love can even compare to what I have for you
The lasting competition of life and love never seems to halt
Just as the pain wont cease
As my emotion fills the paper, I leave with less of me
Putting aside a section of my heart for you to keep
Knowing she can't give you all that I can
My love shall stay, along with my hope, spirit, and soul
waiting to feel your love again.


Details | Free verse | |

LOST LOVE in Aussie slang

written 3rd Oct 2013



I was in love with the most lovable sheila
 but she did darn take off with me heeler

Overnight, she had packed their bags
 not just me dog, gone too with me scallywags

Left with just a simple note
 she had found a more loving bloke

Heartbroken to have lost them all
 I gave me mate Bluey a call

Together we drank more than just a slab
 ending up so hammered, he called us a cab

As the lonely days passed and tears filled me eyes
 by crikey it hit me, suddenly I came to realise

What a bloomin idiot, she deserved such love and respect
 every night boozin with me mates, my true love I did neglect

I'm gunna cut me drinkin and win her heart back
 fair dinkum fella's, you can flamin bet on that!


Details | Free verse | |

The Corner of Madison and Huron

At the corner of Madison and Huron,
The faint pedestrian appears.
A couple holding hands walking swiftly
As police pass near.
Cane in his hands
Walks a younger looking man,
Rolling his suitcase along
A central corner in a downtown city
Where faith, hope, and love belong.
May God bless you Toledo,
Today and forevermore.


Details | Free verse | |

Abandoned By The Love That Struck So Close To The Core Of My Heart

It rips my heart apart
To see you behind bars
That keeps me away from you
I can't help the tears that keep falling
The pain strikes deep in my very core
I can't control myself
I can't move on from here
I am lost in the fear
I am drowning in a bitter sorrow
I am down on the ground
beaten to the bitterness of death that is among me
My health has shattered in pieces
I am so weak that my breath is no longer within me
I no longer have you near
I am alone 
I feel abandoned and lost
For you made the mistake and were taken away from me
No I stand here beaten and abused from the misery I must take
I have no choice then to lay here in the pain I bear
I found happiness though you memory still haunts me dear
I can't get over you
I can't move on from what you drove into the very heart of my existance
I can't escape the chaos you created
I can't lose sight to what you put in place when you disappeared.


Details | Free verse | |

How Many Ways

How many ways can a heart break?
When do the cracks first appear?
How soundless is the first hairline fracture?
It starts to spread
Almost unnoticed
Imperceptible
Except for a little discomfort
A little doubt
A little sadness

Unsure why or how
But….a little pain begins to develop...
A forgotten smile
A withheld word
An embrace that ends a little too soon
A kiss a little less fiery than before
A look that no longer devours 
A caress that no longer ignites
A time that is no longer shared
A silence that is not companionable
A dream that is dreamt alone

The break widens
The pain deepens
And no amount of denial
Will alter the awful truth
That your heart is breaking..
And now you can hear the sounds
Of the walls crumbling
And the pieces falling
And you’re left to wonder...

How many ways can a heart break?
Where have all the pieces gone?
When did the first sign appear?
How can you carry on?

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

Sea as Heaven

Pain came to me one day. More and more it came around, and seeming to enjoy itself, it stayed. I begged for it to leave, but Pain is merciless and unremitting. A long time passed and then one day, as I lay in restful sleep, I found myself in the middle of the sea; my bed had become a little boat. As if by intuition, I knew that if I jumped into that sea, Pain would flee from me, and so. . . . I plunged myself into the deep blue waters and felt the sea’s welcoming embrace. Suddenly a new pain came to me. Its name was Terror. It suffocated me as I struggled instinctively against it. However, as I started to let myself relax, the sea began to pull me slowly downward. Down, down, down I sank to its bosom, tasting its sweet salty breath as it stole the very breath from me! Sun-warmed water wrapped me like a comforter. vanishing old Pain as well as that new pain known as Terror. Relaxing into the deep, completely I surrendered. And I realized while relishing relief. . . . surely it was Heaven. For Gautami Phookan's "In the Deep Sea Poetry Contest"


Details | Free verse | |

CROWN OF THORNS

Red rose petals in the wind
Falling gently to the ground
tainting red God’s blessed earth
Darkness descends all around

Cries of anguish pain and sorrow
A mother’s heart bleeds for her son 
 Bound and nailed  to a tree
bruised and weakened,  just for me

Crown of thorns that  I should bear
Pierce the head of one so dear
releasing me from pain of sin
to live and love , one with Him.


Details | Free verse | |

Flat Canvas

Flat canvas;

Bubbling brown ridges strike 
The confining dimensions in a hostile yawn: 
Upwards, Outwards.

Walk the world no longer, an ending beckons, 
A precipice builds moments where swallows wager wings 
On new seed: New breeds.
Falling buys the assurance of seconds
From a sinking well. 
Oh well.

Remember us when the globe begins to slip,
Bang drums for our pity:
Our crescendos mean less than meaningless.
And then, when spheres crack, continue 
On the whorl of a thumb, 
Stretching hope to nothing.
Run.


Details | Free verse | |

old wounds heals

 got me thinking about
 when i was young 
drawing a picture scar
shopping with 
my parents
 in north 
of ireland 
british armed soldiers 
pointing guns at us 
security checkpoint

i remember 
a cold feeling 
running down 
my spine
mum warning us 
to keep the noise down 
these people
are dangerous 
could kill you 
in a second
she said 
to us 

say your prayers boys 
guns are upon you 
feeling darkness crawl
the devils tools 
ten at the time 
stepping out 
of the car 

my father grabbed 
the barrel roughly
of the gun 
with venom 
in his voice
the blood boiled
feeling fathers rage
in the child witness

to such an act
roughly saying 
stop pointing 
that gun 
at my children 
makes one cry 
how a world 
they sat by 
saw or country 
in pain and suffering
being tortured

love is peace 
terrorists are armed 
soldiers employed
to kill innocence 
you are now 
seeing the world 
through wisdom 
grants you keys 

into the souls eyes 
that have saw suffering 
become meek 
crying a child 
in fear 
seeing my father 
brought to his knees
on the ground 

my mother 
going crazy crying 
saying what 
is wrong 
with you people
a higher 
ranked soldier 
walks in saying 
that is enough lads

leave the man 
to get back and sort 
his noisy family 
out laughing
like we were 
beneath him 

i hugged my dad 
thought they 
were going 
to kill him 
i remember 
gritting my teeth 
an oath 
one made 
as a child
when i get older
i will kill you 

to this day 
i remember 
his face 
that of darkness
a ten year old child 
looking at the power 
of the gun 

staring growling 
into the face 
distorted sight 
of a laughing satan 
of a man
 leaving a scar 
on a child
 
one of 
pure innocence 
you really 
got me thinking
opening up 
inside the mind
on this
 one wound
i have long
 forgiven them 
but it was 
rememberance day today


Details | Free verse | |

Flying High In The Aqua-Blue Sky

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
I see a black and white checkered kite…
floating higher and higher than I, myself…
But, I was shoved 
Into another shelf…

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
2 birds were flying together in harmony… it made me smile 
If only…I could fly another mile…
If only…I could higher my smile…
If only…I could fly higher
If only…I could taste ecstasy…
people would accuse me as a liar
If I experienced the best day of my life…

But, I don’t wanna live with undying strife…
I want peace…
Hand it over, please…
Hand me the keys
So I could experience perpetual peace 

I took flight like those bird couples…
But, I was on an airplane…

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
I wouldn’t be greedy for gain…
I’m trying to act sane…
But, I’m actually insane
In many ways…I love my uniqueness…
And my stubbornness… and my gladness…
And my madness… my imagination goes wild
But, I need to put it on a leash…so I could remain mild

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
I’d feel the rain
Trickle down my hands…my wet, wrinkly hands

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
No one would understand
How awesome and wonderful I’ve felt that day…
Up there…
up there…I felt like a king…
But, now I lost that memory…I lost my ring
To success…but I’m willing to pick up my progress…
My pace…is slow like a snail’s pace
Do you see me crying? Just look at my face…

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
I’m the clouds absorbing tears

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
I’d be willing to release them…

but they’ve been stored up forever it seems
And…hell – I have been 
Shaking with fear…
Breaking by the seams 

High…way up high in the aqua blue sky,
I was……..
Daydreaming again…
My mind was stuck on cloud 7…
Thank heavens
That I’m still alive – staring into space
Just look at my sopping face…

I see no grace…I see only a pathetic face
In the mirror…….

This little dream of mine
Was rather sublime
I was a sweet boy, 
but now I’m sour like lime


If I were a bird, 
I'd fly away from my problems...

I'll flutter away
Without a care in the world...

I want to be happy-go-lucky...
But, I'm bound to submit to my 

Misery.............................


Details | Free verse | |

Nightmare walk - adult theme

A night like no other she alone
walking down a dim lit street
as steam rises from a manhole.
A dress cut so low her bossoms shine 
as the skirt rustles up in the breeze.
Legs so long and fine
that make men crave
her flesh from within.
Cats scream send chills within 
as she walks alone.
Her mind wonders while alone
of being tortured from men
fillied with wild desire within.
Heart beat quickens within
as she hears voices within
as she walks alone at night.
Images rush in her mind
of her being thrown around
as clothing ripped from flesh.
Their touches she feels upon 
her breast as they scar the mind
with their desire to harm within.
Seeing images of them undress
and defile her face along
with the purity within.
Suddenly there is a click 
as she feels cold steel touch 
her loins and feels the pain.
Laughing and smiling as they cause pain
she starts to cry as the defile
the body that was pure
and had no remorse .
Each man takes a trip
as she feels her life slip
with each plunge into her loins.
Her breast all wet as her loins 
all covered in blood from the turmoil.
Suddenly a branch creeks 
and she snaps awake 
she searches her self 
to find it was not a dream.
Sitting naked and alone
she crys from within.


Details | Free verse | |

Little Girl Rising

The lonliness of being this girl
Her Innocense taken away
She hides herself and her eyes
Finds comfort in being shy
Frightened of what she may see
Knowing she will give away
The secrets she holds deep
Isolated by what she keeps
Scared to let it be released
Afraid of being alone to fight
The worst of all is the night
Powerless - exposed 
Unable to hide - Terrified
Prying eyes hunting her down
Piercing straight through
Frozen like a statue - concrete
She shuts down - emotionless
Only strength can take her there
Keep her from feeling 
Taking her to another space
An escape - to another place
Forced to grow up before her time
Face the fear and take the strength inside
She stands alone this time to fight
Secrets revealed - preditor exposed
She is just a girl finding her way
Taking her stand fighting for her life
Reclaiming her innocense to be a girl
An experience that opened her eyes
To the person she is inside 
The inner strength that she finds
Keeping her safe from preditors disguise
This is the story of one little girls rise


Details | Free verse | |

Skin Deep

Achilles' heel 
You’re another day older
The world’s much colder
She…

It’s not your fault
They were taken 
Don’t blame yourself 
for God’s mistake
Is…

Her beauty reflects your own
Her life reflects your future
Chasing rabbits will get you there faster
Loss of faith will bring you there faster
Watching…

The ball drops
It’s clever to see
What happens to us
And here we are
Waiting…

Yes, 
Take the evil out of this
You’re stronger
She’s stronger and always,
Loving…


Details | Free verse | |

There Is No Now

The pollution is psychedelic
Hell, you could even say poetic nature
Terms of enragement
Definitely not engagement
Can suffice in describing the depredation

Fire from the skies
Burning through the system
Dropping through to nothing
Learning not what’s in them
Always running from them

We may hide our voices
But you hide your souls
Torturing us with woes
Never able to feed our hole
Scars bleed out like coals

Paint it any color you like
Doesn’t change a thing
This war that you’ve brought forth 
Has killed us all
In the past and future

There is no now…


Details | Free verse | |

OPEN HEART

Pen's on the paper, 
I pour my heart out and I hope you get a taste of,
How I feel these words that I speak are real,
This is my soul in couple of minutes in a rhythm, 

As I talk to you hoping you will listen when I speak,
Maybe I could find myself some peace on release,
Cos these feelings in me keep on clouding my belief,
And I still live conventional, but it's no relief,

I'm falling, like teardrops or raindrops falling,
I can't control it, it's weighing me down,
Heavy my heart, it's the size of my fist,
But it's like handcuffs and it's weighing down my wrist,

Please show me if what I feel is real,
I want to touch it, Coz maybe then I can grab it,
Spin it around, punch it and throw it in the garbage, 
Slaughter it, cut it in half like I would be splitting cabbage, 

Coz I hate these feelings that make me want to say I love you,
You broke me, spit on my heart,  cursed and kicked me,
Beat me like a drum when you told me you don't want me,
But still I can't get over you, guess you meant more to me than I thought.


Details | Free verse | |

Burn

When things get too intense,
When the pain couldn’t cut deeper,
When the tears cease to stop,
When I shatter into pieces again
When words are seared into me

I don’t know how to handle
I don’t know how to cope
I don’t know how to deal with 
These thoughts, these emotions

This ugliness
This darkness
Where no light is found

This tar pit
This prison cell
Where no key exists

I want to drink it all away
Until I’m numb
I want to scrub it all away
Until my skin is raw
I want to write it all away
Until I run out of pen and paper
I want to play it all away until my fingers ache

But I’ve drank and it’s there the next day
I’ve scrubbed but I end up dirty again
I’ve written until tears smear the words
I’ve played until I’ve almost lost the desire

For now I burn
Quick and easy
Instant pain yet relief
A small wound

It builds up inside
Turmoil rolls through
A battle starts within
My mind races
My heart aches
My eyes tear
It won’t go away
This relentless storm
How much more God
How much more can I take?
And I start to feel the itch
Anxiety ridden
Frantic
My hands start to go wild
I need a release

So I burn
I lack the courage to cut
So I burn

I light a candle 
Letting it burn for a while
The wax so hot
As I get ready
To feel the pain
To let everything go
Everything built up
I’m anxious to pour
I grab the candle
The glass burning my fingertips
And I let the first drop fall
It takes my breath
As it sears my flesh
It feels so good
I pour another drop
It runs down my inner thigh
Pain chasing the trail
Sweet Release
I pour more until it puddles
I let it set
Soaking in the pain
I lean my head back
Sitting there
Letting the physical pain in
While letting emotional pain out
And the wax dries
And I peel away the blackness
Peel away the ugliness
Peel away the hurt

Sometimes there’s just redness left behind
Sometimes a small wound
Sometimes it heals slowly
But I see it and know
I’d rather have it
Than the blackness
So I burn
So I burn


Details | Free verse | |

Stones

I walked by the glasshouse
Everything bad was quite apparent
I felt the stones in my pocket
That I thought I should throw
But then I felt them spike my feet
I was reminded from whence I came
The rock reproved me-
Are you so pure?
You- who were born from the dust
You -whom worms shall eat

I held my hand over my heart and my mouth
And I cried - for I recognized the rocky road 
Upon which my Saviors feet did stride
I saw the pain and His bleeding feet
I saw the nail prints in His hands 
And His wounded side

Then I realized something quite profound
It was not the nails that kept Him there
Bleeding out His life blood For ALL
But the ache that was in His heart
The pain of love - kept Him there-
I repented so deeply
For I understood
That it was He that has washed away my guilt 
For I am forgiven - freely
And freely as I have received 
I must too - freely give and feel the stones too
Under my feet.

© Brenda V Northeast 25/02/2012


Details | Free verse | |

Sorrow

Sorrow in my heart, pain in my life.
My poor, tear filled eyes.
Why, why have you left me here to die?
I can't let go, and I can not hang on.
Trembling fingers, blood shot eyes,
you, yes you, you was my life, my soul!
Now your just dust, fading memories,
but the pain, the horrid pain remains.
No relief in sight, only tears, only pain.
Will no one show me the way? 
The way home, the light to ease my sorrowful heart.
No of course not, only abandoment, betrail,
you, yes all of you, you all have left me here to DIE!
All alone in my pain, my sorrow, 
all alone in my head while my heart tells me lies!
Sorrow in my heart, pain in my life.



Details | Free verse | |

A Poem Of Love, Question Mark

 Write a poem of love? 
 Aye, aye, aye.  
 (Sigh) 
 I'll try.... 
 It's like trying to recall a violent crime. 

 Describe the incident.
 Details, be specific. 

 My body shakes. 
 Tears flow uncontrollably. 
 Who did this to me? 

 A police shows potential suspects, 
 questions my best guess. 
 I look at the faces, blankly. 
 Quite frankly, each looks the same: 
 a cruel man without a name. 
 So there becomes my frame--- 
 They ARE all the same. 
 To ALL them is my blame. 

 A bitter woman I became, 
 claiming rapists among the tame. 
 You're one. So are you, and you, too. 
 Closed heart. Fearful, angry view. 
 Convicting the innocent. 
 Condemning them,
 so the one possessing my heart 
 still held it
 in prison. 

 I waited for their impending death. 
 Instead I died. 
 I died inside. 

 Where is love? 

 Help me find 
 a safe place to hide .


Details | Free verse | |

Little Girl, Dedicated to my niece

  Little girl at six years old,
She's having problems with herself.
  She looks at the ground and says she's fine,
But you can tell she's hurting when she can't even look in the eye
  Of someone else.

  Little girl don't you get tired,
Of staring at your feet?
  You're beautiful and I admire,
How you stay so strong each & every day of the week.

  Though fists and violence bring the past its just too much to bare,
Make you flench and soon you feel you wanna give up
  All that you have left to spare.

  Though hurtful words make your 
Heart shatter.
  You somehow manage to get through the rough,
When my day goes bad and i need some sunshine,
  Your smile is always more than enough.

  I don't wanna cry,
But I see beyond your mask,
  I see the pain you hide inside.

  I don't wanna cry,
 Cuz I should be the one wiping tears from your eyes.

  So here wil be no tears,
Escaping from my eyes.

  I'm imprisoned with the sound of your voice,
Young and brave with a broken heart,
  You want to be happy but they never gave you the choice.

  Though pills and drugs are all you see,
You keep yourself away.
  You don't wanna go down mommys path,
But truthfully you just want her to find your path and stay.

  Little girl i bet you didn't know,
That I went through the same. 
  And when I look back at me,
I see you in a way.

  And it's okay to cry,
I'll be there to dry ever tear from your eyes.

  You don't have to hide,
I know the pain you feel inside.
  
  And I promise I'll be your crutch,
Until you can walk on your own.
  I'll be the arms wrapped around you,
If ever you were to fall.
  And I promise,
You'll never be alone.

  Little girl don't you get tired,
Of staring at your feet?
  Open your pretty eyes and admire,
The beautiful world around you,
  That before you didn't see.
  
  

 


Details | Free verse | |

Her Final Words

"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one. 
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Her sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed. 
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent. 
A meager thought 
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
Her curse.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows, 
"Save them."


Details | Free verse | |

Open Your Eyes

pushed aside
left alone
nobody sees
open your eyes

they just move along
unknowing, oblivious
open your eyes and you will see

the pain it rips
pulls inside me
throbbing
heavy
it is too much

they don't know!
pay attention
just open and look

someone has to see this

why don't i tell
they push away harder
they reject
they disagree
the pain gets stronger
i suffer in silence

my fault
i wish i didn't need them
their eyes never open
they don't wish to see me

just keep away
safer it seems
don't let them touch me
run away
get away

you have something better
eventually you will learn
it might be too late
to open your eyes


Details | Free verse | |

Survival Of The Fittest

Dropped out of school
At an early age
Lived on the streets 
Because, I disgusted my mother
She thought I was a poor example
Of true Christian beliefs
At an early age 
She religiously drummed into me
‘blood is thicker than water’
And yet, 
Here I am today confused, lonely and hungry
No one protecting me
No friends
No family
No home to go too
Just, peoples eye for an eye,
tooth for a tooth mentality
Praying for the sun to shine
To feel some warmth again!
Sun rays of hope, lighting me up
To live through this darkness without fear
With a heart full of faith
No matter what happens to me, now!
If only I could drink my salty tears
It would sustain me for a lifetime
Your tears are worth nothing, around here
You’re classed as weak and venerable
Only attracting death
Your life worth nothing!
Save me from myself
I am my best friend
I am my worst enemy
My prayers and dreams
Lost in the wind
Blowing around like autumn leaves
The rain washing them away
Down the drain into the sewage
Rolling with the seasons
Year after year
Survival for the fittest!
Surviving on the love
Hidden, inside me
Being my strength and guide
My personal lifeline
In surviving this crazy world 
We all live in


Details | Free verse | |

Let Me Go

Let Me Go!
I don't want this anymore!
I can't go to sleep at night,
all I seem to do is write.

Sometimes I read...
I read until I finish.
When I finally go to sleep,
I hear the sound of the alarm "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

Oh gosh,
I can't handle this anymore.
I am going crazy here
and no one seems to notice it, my dear.

I cry myself to sleep.
telling myself everything will get better.
BUT IT DOESN'T!
And I know I mustn't

but I want that knife
just as much as I want that gun
I hate this world
and everything about this girl

She sings and tries to get attention
yet no one gives her the time of day.
She falls into the books she reads
no one knowing, it is escaping, she pleads.

This girl is me,
oh but you knew, right?
Since all I ever talk about is me!
Gosh, can't you see?

I'm my enemy!
I'm my own nightmare!
No one is hurting me!
It is me who shouldn't be let free!

Lock me up! 
Kill me!
That way I won't harm myself...
I'd like it if it was someone else

Please, do me the favor
and let me go
for no one can save this girl
from this cruel world.


Details | Free verse | |

My besttttt friend! who left such a pain in my heart!

 	  My friend!

As the kids say in the TV ad

My bestttt friend!


But;

He left a twinge in my heart
Before he departed
He gave no sign of no-return!

I sit in my terrace alone
Feeling that loneliness
A deep inside silence
That he left on my surroundings
That he wounded on my heart
Still aching and not able to come to terms
Not able to reconcile myself;
The vacant chair before me
Revives my pain in my heart

The silence in the ambience
Fears my feelings further

The sounds generated by my family and my pet
Makes no consolation makes no concession

My family is around taking care of me
Getting my coffee getting my supper
On time on demand
But I sit in my chair
Staring at stars!
Finishing small after large after small and on!

But some vacuum feeling is squeezing my heart
Some frustration some helplessness
Is chasing me from dawn to dusk

That vacant chair before me!
Causing pain in my heart

Those were the evenings
We spent moments of
Sharing laughing politics
Current affairs, movies and families!
Wealth and health!

He too was irresponsible
He left that pain in my heart
He left such a vacuum for all

He ought to have taken care of his heart
but
he allowed it to block;
and left a pain in our hearts! Forever!

krishna Baalu


Details | Free verse | |

OF a Tree, Thee, and an Angel's Fee

Force feed me the taste of your skin

‘You will have to break my chastity belt wide open now
for I have sold myself into silent slavery to this ….our universal broken heart

even you will have to try hard……to save me now

I cannot recall your sounds…your hand motions 
as they devoured the subtle softness of me 
drew round my curvaceous places in curling ownership
intimacies’ sweetest embrace 

But too…you move to me 
with a ferocity that mowed the grass down  to a short golf course length 
from the living room table where you drew it happening… a hundred years ago

The length of your hair too has been a subject of much debate 
Love
that surging heavenly song...that told our story so well
 
like that movie from long ago about the girl who cut off and sold her hair to buy her love a golden watch fob and chain …the one who sold his golden watch to buy her a beautiful clip pin for her gorgeous long hair 
………………………………..you see how this goes …with true love

We cut off our noses and then turn backs on our faces 
and on each other on Facebook 

Itself the enemy…where only devils and the luckiest of angels spread


Tread on me beloved!
till I am awakened 
to our lips 
 which just now in writing I suddenly can feel meeting again

taste 
smell 
the salted brine of your pure water and sometimes beer soaked self

Is it me you feared 
as you said Good bye?

How little you know me 

like the formation of the first ever green tree grows up one limb at a time 
from a base long song of deep roots and strong center...so beautiful the Hosts stagger before its creation ….Halleluiah
The limbs sprouting forth like the wings bursting out of the flesh of the first angel 
who died in agony as they were formed….exploding from his shoulders
moving her hair aside as the arch of wing thrust like white tree limb from the goodness within
and the reincarnation of true kindness was born to the conscious of itself

so my love knows no limit 
my soul no separation
and my being no longing


Details | Free verse | |

The Road

Suspended in perpetual animation
There is a light at the end of the tunnel
From hours of travel though inches gained
Spewed forth from the bowels of existence I stand
Before me lies the road

Like a pond turned solid by Winters touch
The road is wide, flat, smooth
No encumbrances to impede the journey
Cautious at first, testing the consistency of life
The trek of life begins on the road

It is not so bright anymore
Feet shuffle along in a redundant pattern
Knees skinned and bruised
Rocks, underbrush, thorns and ruts
These are the things that now fill the road

Alas, a fork and a place to rest
Up to now the choices where clear
Through mired with pitfalls the ground was flat
No twists, no turns no looking back
Things are to change depending on the road

Left or right, the choice seems easy
The right is blessed by being clear
The left appears to be less traveled
Skulls, cross bones and signs beware
Love and pain are to gain on the road

I have been meant to suffer
Life and family has taught me that
The left road I must take
The pain of absence of love already aches
Perhaps life shall end on this fragment of the road

The hand of God has made passage impossible
Wind, rain, sleet and hail
Tear are my flesh and blur my eyes
Bloodied and raw fingers grasp into the unforgiving Earth
Clawing my way up the grade that is now the road


Shrouded in disappointment and failure
I succumb to life’s journey
It is simply too hard without family and love
Face down the struggle ends
I release my grasp and begin the last leg of the road

Where is the bottom? Why have I not hit?
I quit, I have no more to give
Yet suspended like where it all began
What forces dare to interfere with the plan
For what reason to I remain on the road

It is not I that continues the struggle
Through slits of clarity wiped clear from tears
The vision comes into focus
There is one who feels I am worth the effort
It is my brother who holds me on the road

You are not a brother, blood of blood
Nay, you are a brother by choice
A man through unconditional love and conviction
Has purged the darkness, sorrow and despair
Saving my life and my soul, I am still here on the road

I have no tangible means of payment
Gifts and idle trinkets could never tender the amount I owe
The love I have and the embraces of family
It is what was given to me because I went left
The wounds healed and voids filled because of the road

Today the day is bright
Warmth surpassed only by the glow of love
Shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart
Life is worth living and good again
Because of our travels down the roa


Details | Free verse | |

Your Beauty Said

(31/07/2013)

Clench your bum in those jeans
And suck your belly for that corset

*Ugh…it is okay..carry on..*

With your sweats hanging on your forehead, 
Not to mention your short breathing
Put on those heels that will surely make you wail

*Oh dear God* Looks like you’re in pain

Now sit your tightened thigh and face the mirror
Wipe your sweats and 
*Aahh..ok…hold on…ugh* 
Practice to suck your belly in, I know it’s hard
Just try to breathe

Now you’re ready for the pinching plucks
Starting from right then left
One pinch for each pluck *I know it hurts*
But look at thaaaat! There you go, two neat and pretty arches

Put on some make up to make you look desirable
Yup! 
To sweep all the painful expression is preferable

Noww.. a bit tease and pull for your hair
A bit here and there
And you’re about ready for your self fair

Face your reflection 
And see that those painful grins are paid
Your beauty is said

WritInspired by P.D. Contest "Beauty"
But I think I was too late :(


Details | Free verse | |

Their Eyes

	
	Their Eyes
	
	
	Green-blanket-cape trailing behind  
	as he paces the corridor, 
	disconnection deep in his wild eyes, 
	no laces in his shoes.
	
	Her eyes are pain, 
	her path to presence is pain, 
	her retreat from presence almost complete, 
	wanting death as most want 
	food or love or sunlight.
	
	Handsome and articulate,
	he hand-signals across the room to no one 
	as his cold, dangerous eyes scan our faces, 
	calculating the possibilities for violence.
	
	Tattoos of tears, 
	three from each eye.


Details | Free verse | |

November's Wind

perhaps it was the cold november wind
that reminded me of the bitter bite
the cold touch of death's hands
or the lips of someone gone


perhaps it was the leaves
being tossed about, like a mind
unable to grasp the reality
of another life, gone so young

perhaps it was the trees
now colorless, half dressed
that reminded me, everything must die


perhaps it was the sunset
thick black clouds, surrounded by red
that reminded me
my heart bleeds the same...


another life is gone
another season's changed
another day is gone
another scar is born

etched forever in my mind
my heart bled the same....


Details | Free verse | |

Bullying 101

Step 1: 
Inhale an envious mask upon your castrated 
skull, 
and prompt this necessary illusion to commence.
Bathe yourself in ego-filled waters till you feel superior
to the gavel, and exit without caution from this perfect 
prison called home. 
The audience of youthful flattery awaits you, and those 
who you hunt, 
Anticipate your roar, and contemplate a permanent 
departure. 

Step 2: 
Masquerade around the elementary wheels of 
transportation, and make sure your crown has no opposition.
Be seated in the rear levels of mischief, and target those
who sit angelically, in frontal silence. 
Remember to grin until your devilish smile has a 
pathological glow, 
And act without tears, your greatest show without
showing. 

Step 3: 
Be ignorant to punctual chimes that sing, and lean on 
absent temptation for comfort. 
Show patience for perfectly weak; allow them their 
steps upon the wax floors, 
Give them their fairy tale of safety. 
For they are dreamers, and you are their scheduled 
nightmare. 

Step 4: 
Enter classrooms initially through the minds of prey. 
Let them introduce the beast without forethought, 
Observe their careful whispers among the intellectual
flock, 
And standby till their guard sleeps. 

Lastly, steal the eyes of misery from your contemporaries
as you walk in, and sit among the walls of miseducation. 
For knowledge is not the vocation you seek. 
Only the beauty of suffering can compensate your lust. 
Step 5:
Begin by insulting the eager minds that roam 
brilliantly in the front row. 
Shout high praises from hell, belittle their flawless 
answers, 
And bear no breaks of mercy until tears fall. 

Now shift your heinous gears toward the everlasting 
prom queen, your unrequited distraction. 
She does not lean towards you, therefore you must 
harm her pedestal as well. 
Do not hesitate to disarm this glow that will never 
infiltrate your surroundings. 

Step 6:
Confirm that your motions are approved, by the 
council of expulsion, 
And give them infamous leeway to imitate in your
rare absence. 

Step 7: 
Reminisce joyfully over sin that will never turn pure, 
as you return home. 
Remove the wool from your eyes, and follow sorrow 
till it wants no hint of you any longer, 
A similar thought entertained by parents you forever 
know.  

Lastly, if you urge beyond repair, and accept that the 
sheep you threaten everyday will never turn, 
Despite your purpose, 
Then feel free to act as those that previously harmed, 
And contemplate a permanent departure. 
May god bless these faithful carriers of misery. 


Details | Free verse | |

Malfunctioning

Once more without sleep
all dreams exhausted
Neurotransmitters on high alert
rekindling furious flames
that lap hungrily through mid-back to feet
Like a chippy chiseling wood on the lathe
I splinter and crack - screaming for regression
Just as a computer malfunctioning
I await time for reboot of my system
brief medical intervention - 
some respite peace and solace
that in the whole of life 
taken as one performance of the arts
it is but a musical interlude
short-lived in high anticipation of entr'acte



Terms used:-

chippy - a carpenter

solace - relief from emotional distress/source of comfort at a time 
            of sadness, grief or disappointment

interlude - short period of transition/break

entr'acte - between the acts


Details | Free verse | |

One Heart, One Pen (Why I Write)

People ask me a lot why do I write
Well...Pain is Lyrics am I right
It constricts my heart ever so tight
I try to break the hold with all my might
But the pain is 2 strong
In this mindframe I belong
No friends in my life I remain alone
I was born the same as I will forever be gone
Beginning in my preteens I felt constant oppostion
Looking in the mirror every morning I saw no recognition
Tempted to have my head in the clouds
Which way do I go, drugs or alcohol 
Will it make my conscience proud
It will feel good I told myself, but I saw doubt
I need an outlet, I need a way out
So after the death of my bestfriend
Going on the path to destruction had to end
So in 8th grade english Mrs. Mackowich told us to write a couplet
I felt the urge to "up it"
But I had too much to say
My poetic testimony took the pain away
October 3 2004 was my first write dedicated to my friend's memory
I had my class feeling sympathy, but why do I feel like I'm the enemy
That one death was the weapon to tackle my self-doubt
My depressing
Me stressing
Hopelessness
Self-hate in my heart thrived
My new drug has finally arrived!
So I write everyday, every way
To get away mind-wise
My emotions are disguised
The pen will be my pipe
The ink is my nicotione
Instead of putting it to my lips
I put it to the page
How could I think so deeply at such a young age
I can't stop its addicting
My thoughts are forever flipping
And they ask me why I write
It's obvious I feel spite
After reading people assume I want to be a rapper
Such dogmatic fools why would I participate in such "crapper"
It doesn't matter If I'm black
I'm human and that's that
Rappers write from the mind
I write from the heart
Straight from the middle like a game of darts
I'm the Robert Frost of rap
The Jay-Z of poetry
The Edgar Allen Poe of lyrics
The Kanye West of english
All embodied in one to the end
All I need is One Heart 
All I need is One Pen

If you can't tell that I'm the most unique Afican American of my age you are without 
perspective. If you are not rich and powerful people feel as if what you say is meaningless.I 
speak to people of all corners of humanity with my feelings and thoughts.While my 
bestfriends were partying and doing crime when i was growing up in my teen years, I was in 
my room reading harry potter, playing Playstation, and writing poetry.This is my life and 
talent. The legacy I chose to imprint. This is my ode to poetry.


Details | Free verse | |

Morphine's Lament

Eyes cracking open,
Stomach doing flip flops,
Skin crawlin’
Hair hurtin’
Where is that damn pill?
Oh crap, forgot to get my refill.

Life of an addict?
Nope, just a chronic pain mess.
Dependent, hell yes.
So what’s the difference?
I wouldn’t sell myself for the stuff.
But suffer without it?
Yes, I do.

Feel better when I take it?
Yes.  It makes my pain go away.
I can get through my day.
Be someone you can stand to be around,
Don’t go round with a frown,
All day.

But yeah, I need it.
But I wouldn’t steal to get it.
I would suffer before I hurt anyone to get it.
That’s the difference between an addict 
And being dependent.  I only hurt myself.
Sucks to be me.


Details | Free verse | |

An Agnostic Acrostic

 "this poem is not about what is written,but what is not written. . . " 
Greyer looms matter's of the.....? 					 
Beauty fades not there then.....?				          
Flowers live and die fact of ....?					    
A four letter word of endearment....?					    
A saddened stare like where the Red Fern.....? 				    
Do not withdraw from the sunlight given by the almighty...?                                       
The feeling active of letters four much like adores.....?                                              
Speaking in second person sounds like and is...?      			   
In the prelude I allude to this message to point to the truth 		                
You cannot see air but it is there so beware   			                
You do not have to walk into the total darkness  				   
to see how dark the blackness is                      				 
Like gravity that holds you there how much more our Creator cares 	             
Setting on shelf scoffing at the pain you do not see      		                
The love that is and can be He just wants to set you free                                      
ignorance of the law does not excuse
How deep the pain how dark is that blue                                                                   
without Hope without God waiting to play the odds                                              
Without knowledge must be total misery                                                                      
as earthly beauty fades as the tree                                                                              
a dieing thing without fruit                                                                                           
the growing sorrow does that suit                                                                              
without hope of new life tomorrow                                                                             
Here today and gone so to borrow                                                                               
Not opening a door can be as bad as slamming it in your face                                   
to see where true beauty is you run in place not seeing the grace                        
turn to the light dwelling in the dusk from the womb to dust                                    
on your pedestal under your own glass                                                                        
the fire that was given you smother to ash  - john edaward beam - for The 
Unwritten contest - 07/01/2011


Details | Free verse | |

HATE ME NOW

Hate me now when you can still find your way back home
Hate me now to see what is good for you
Hate me now when your view of me is not what you see
Hate me now in the morning for your meaningful afternoon
Hate me now in this sunny noon so I can melt with the sun set
Hate me now before the crack of dawn for your redefinition
Hate me now for what I didn’t do for you
Hate you now for all the things u didn’t do for me
Hate you now when I can also find myself another home
Hate you now for all the promises you never live up to
Hate you now for I see the sun shines again for me
Hate us together for all the thing we didn’t achieved


Details | Free verse | |

Dying ashes

I venture through the toiling of days
Crumbling nights
Ever hopeful though chanting septic cries,
Dawn creeps past worn-out
eye receptacles...
and the ashen graves they see
They once burnt benevolently 
for scarred hours
But now reflect the red glow
of dying ashes,
Fate has laid them in careful rows
beside the graves.
Seen from above,
they spell forgotten names
and trapped grief.
Each peck of the ghost of birds
wears out a memory in turns,
Each semblance of relief
dies in the glow of symbols...
A grave here
A tear there
Tied together 
by a string of clotting blood
and a trail of distant love,
Lined up as emotional tender 
for the dying ashes


Details | Free verse | |

Apocalypse

Silence, nothing,
Clicks heard.
Light appears,
Drifting towards it.

Watching, waiting,
Curiosity pulling me closer.
Suddenly, fire,
Everywhere, burning.

Watching, waiting,
Silence, crackling fire.
Then something pierces the air,
Screams, loud and shrill.

People running,
Trapped in the circle of fire.
Heat, fire closing in on us,
Burning everything in sight.

Fire climbs onto us,
Pain, searing pain.
More screams,
More burning flesh.

Then, after so long, silence,
Never ending darkness.
Nothing left, all of it gone,
Everything has ended.


Details | Free verse | |

Look Around You

Look around you
The world is already at an end
When the Mayans said that the world was going to end
They didn't mean a world destroyed by flare, quake, or salvation
But rather a world full of broken relation
That possibly, it wasn't a literal interpretation
But a figurative analysis of this falling nation
Are we not all the same people, the same human
But we'd rather live a life divided
A life divided by the color of our skin  
What is war but greed to keep the amount of money left for our kin
Life is no longer cherished
The earth used for our own experiments until its resources perished
Genocide, assassinations, and murder supported for a "better cause"
Who are we to judge the abominations of others when there is flaw in our own laws
We continue to redefine what is socially accepted
Making a gateway for divorce, abortion, and legal prostitution
Rather than fixing what has been so psychologically rooted into the minds of this generation
We look to cover up past mistakes with a newly corrupted translation  
Girls look for sex because of a lack of love from their fathers
Society tells boys to make use of this advantage 
Treat girls as objects rather than human beings with emotions
And we later ask ourselves
How did these boys and girls ever become such bad parents
Our government shouts democracy
But isn't that really just a cover up to keep us appeased
It's most convenient when the majority stays quiet 
Because only those in power can say that this earth's a heaven
To the majority, this earth is already a hell
The human race is so arrogant
Believing that they are the most superior in this world
That they can live without the mercy of God who should be in control
Look around you
The world is already at an end


Details | Free verse | |

Loss

Searing pain rips through my chest,
As I slip on the painted green stairs, 
Running from something I’m not sure
Too afraid to stop, to turn my head.

My heart races, my head throbbing,
If I could just take a deep breath,
To cleanse my soul and refresh,
Where is this dark building I’m in.

Lying in warmth I move my hand,
Red covers me, flowing down the steps,
A peaceful calm envelopes as I view
My Dad with open arms waiting for me.

He is standing now, out of his wheelchair,
Smiling with his crooked grin so sweet,
The pain ebbs and happiness grows
Then I wake again to the dark emptiness.



Written September 23, 2012
For Francine Robert’s contest
“In Dreams”



Details | Free verse | |

A New Love Valve for my Heart

I need a new valve
In this little heart of mine
I need a sturdy one
That only lets enough love out
As the amount of love coming in

The valve I have is faulty
For even when love comes in a trickle
It lets out a strong surge of love 
And my little heart gets depleted
Of life giving love 
Leading to....
Heart attacks!
Yes, I suffer heart attacks
That are painful and frightening
The after effects of discomfort
Last such a LONG time
And I wonder….
Will the next one be fatal?

I need a new valve
I MUST get a new valve
Right away!
Before it’s too late!
Or perhaps…..
Perhaps…
I need a new heart?


Details | Free verse | |

Poetry and I

I used to write, a spoken heart some would call me My pen was my bestfriend, she never left me Her ink would speak on my souls behalf, my heart had a voice then Many tears fell at her side, ink and pain she portrayed Yet many verses came and went, some of love, some of pain her voice all the same I cant help but look into a womans eyes and dare to gaze into her life Women speak with their eyes, their scent that captures the point of beauty in a man Their soft hair, golden brown to cherry black and i fall to imagine which one i will marry Women are the flowers of Gods garden beautiful beyond imagination They inspire the wild heart of mine to spit verse after verse I am Romeo Any woman whose eyes lay upon these humble words of spoken truth Know you are beautiful...


Details | Free verse | |

Scars of an Inner Child

You are not the man, you want to be
You said you were my Father, till, I discovered different
Enduring, daily beatings
Bashing the living day lights, out of a woman and a child
Repetitive, bad ass attitude, nasty streak
Mean and aggressive!
Fists, knives and guns, your weapons of chose
Out of control, abusive, devious
Relentless, over – bearing!
Breaking me, piece by piece
Confusing a child, with unhealthy love
Hand fed your bullshit, brain washed
Using me as your human, punching bag
This innocent child’s blood, staining your callas hands
My child’s curiosity, asking you one day
“Why do you hurt me and Mum?”
Your retort: “I am not your blood!”
I didn't understand, back then
Now, as an adult, I clearly understand!
Believe me, when I say
There was never a day that went past
That you didn't remind me of that!
My freedom, restrained
My sanity, tested
Caged, like a wild bird in captivity
Behind bars, looking out
 Here, I am today, free from your grip
Nursing, this inner child’s, bleeding love


Details | Free verse | |

May it Be

May it be the pain you feel
Or the love thats lost for life
Hang onto your happiness
Hold onto your smile
Because lifes not so bad
The pains only lasts
For a little while
And a new love will be found 
And the pain will heal
May it be the loss of a life
Or the hate you feel towards someone
Hold onto the good 
Hold onto the hope
And remember theres always tomorrow
Theres always another happy moment
To heal your wounds. 


Details | Free verse | |

I Will Never Forget

Veering in and out of your life
I remember the pain 
Of the innocent years you took 
The Memories you stained.

Steering around you.
Far from your life-
Your face a still picture torn
I held in my hand.
 Your half thrown away….

I wear the pain in my wrinkles and frowns.
I hide you around corners and bends of my mind-
my shame.
The love for you I had- I gave away.
The sympathy I saved for he who deserves.

And if I pass you on a Boston street,
My heart in my gut, 
I will turn away-
As if I never knew your name.


Details | Free verse | |

BLURRED VISION

what now is truly possible in my life
after the impossible shows her true colours
to lose sight of you and your magic lens
so shortly after you have come  into view
i cannot feel your aura anymore
my pain within has taken me to my knees 
my eyes cannot  see and i can barely breath
begging you please just turn around
i cannot feel my heart or soul 
this wound cuts to deep to the marrow
your legacy  is a scar that will never heal
the pain will never cease
i have tried to find the words
 to be allowed a gentle surrender
to find a way beyond 
the reach of the memory of you
an impossibility to be sure  
lost footsteps searching to find
a mia culpa retreat sans honour
yearning to find a solitary empty space
far and away…out of focus
to let my broken soul
mend within the eye of the storm

IRISH


Details | Free verse | |

My cobain smile

I want to drown my urge to die
I want to kill my pulse inside
I can't breathe, I'm paranoid
Everything in life I avoid

Don't speak to me, I'll look away
Inside my eyes is just decay
 I'm already dead, but have yet to die
Why do I keep my body alive

My soul is dead, eyes are lies
So is the smile I hide behind
Pull the plug, I'm a fake
In a nightmare and I cannot wake

Drown me! I'm flooded in pain
Please help me regain
Some peace, some rest 
I want to die to live again

Set me free 
Slitting my wrists isn't working
The more stares I get
The more I become numb
I just need to be gone
Eliminate my pain, 
I'm already out of breath 
Suffocating on my hopelessness

Every day I am alive 
But I'm craving to die inside
Curved smile because your so naive
You think I'm happy 
Yet I'm being crushed
My head is overflowing 
With these thoughts that are too much

One word, suicide
Sparks a light inside of my eyes

I don't want to pretend to live
Let me go, flood me in sin
There is where I want to swim
Six feet under the ground

Don't be selfish 
And keep me in pain
To tourture my lifeless body again
Let my body float soundly
Rushing water, ocean salt
I promise I won't feel it at all.

End it, hold me under 
Then bury me so I can slumber
Goodbye lifeless eyes
As I'm dying I'll be coming alive
Haunting images 
Deleted from my mind
Laughing 
As I leave this world behind

Water 
Floods my lungs 
Death 
Leans in for a kiss

Together we sink into insanity
And drown in infinitys abyss. 


Details | Free verse | |

Long Gone Teddy

I needed a friend because I was scared,
My curiosity compelled my decision,my choice.
To precariously balance on my tricycle,
To peer into the unknown, 
The strange shaped glass covered
Gas meter. 

I was almost able to peer,
Into the strange, yet fascinating 
Object that hung on the brick,
Wall outside, in the backyard,
Of my childhood, 
Home. 

I don't remember exactly,
How my chin ended up,
Slammed against the glass,
Other than the wheels,
Slipped back, my head,
Forward.

My chin spilt open,
A gash,pain,blood,fear,
Shame, wondering why,
I didn't plan better to
Avoid such a dumb 
Mistake. 

So Mom and I, we walked, 
Up to the corner to the 
Bus stop, to ride the 
Bus to the hospital,so 
I could get my first,
Stitches. 

I can't remember the pain,
Or the shot, or the room,
In the hospital, where my 
Chin was sutured,but
I do remember you,
Teddy.

The gift shop had you,
Sitting on a shelf,
Waiting to be placed,
Into the arms of 
A child, who needed
Comfort.

Thus began the friendship,
Of my brown-eyed,
Felt padded, mohair
Stuffed animal that,
I so carefully named, 
Teddy. 

Still today, I wonder,
Whenever I see a 
Gas meter, placed outside 
On a wall of a house,
What became of you, my
Teddy. 










Details | Free verse | |

God Saw My Distress and Healed Me part 4

This question drives me up and down the walls
I know for certain that God has answered my calls
I can’t hang up on Him…He’s so brilliant
And I’m so little compared to Him…
Maybe I’m little in size and very insignificant compared to the most High
He gives me quite a natural high
He brings me back home and kisses me good night
Without His love, I’d be lost like a sheep losing his shepherd
I feel like I’m separated to God
As if God and I are on both sides of the coin…
Our oceans don’t collide with each other,
But He does make huge tidal waves…
And I make baby waves that swerve up and down
Like a wave’s movement, my life seems to have its low points and high points
But, when I build enough energy, I glide higher than the clouds
Though, unfortunately, I’ve only been dreaming this
Then, I collapse into the sand...my face rubs against it and I have scrapes all over
Sand and water do mix well, but afterwards, the sea shore’s weight will pile up on the bottom of the ocean floor
I can’t imagine how many grains of sand there are on Earth
There are countless amounts of ants on Earth as well
Trillions and trillions of them are in existence
It’s amazing how plants take in Carbon Dioxide
And we breathe in oxygen…
God is a fantastic creator and He did carve His creations pretty well
God saw my distress and He healed me
When I think about Him, I’m speechless and can’t say much
He’s made out of love and He bubbles me up with excitement
I haven’t given Him the credit of working miracles in my life…
But, I don’t want to divorce God…I must propose to Him like a wife
Does to her husband…I want to submit to Him
He made the sunset, the moon and stars
Look! He even made the planets and He healed our scars
He made the flowers, the roses and the creeping bugs
Look! He even made leaves for our eyes to see…
He made the change of seasons
God saw my distress and healed me
God made the wild cats, bears, reptiles
He made us have a brain that is as neat as black and white tiles
God healed me…and I’m simply glad He did so
God wiped out my distress…and He simply dressed me with happiness and He’s in high spirits to see me grow

 ~ Inspired by the band of Evanescence’s song: Never Go Back 
~ God inspired me to write this poem…


Details | Free verse | |

The Sound of Silence

As you breathe in and out, you hear nothing,
yet when you listen, you hear everything
The thoughts in your mind, the pain in your body,
they're set free, only to be caught and trapped soon enough

You savor the feeling, wondering what it is, what's happening,
when nothing is happening, only silence

You listen, searching for something.. but what?
You hear nothing but a tiny little roar in your ear..
a roar that if you listen to, could speak a million voices

But it doesn't, it speaks only one language,
a language we all know, just don't care to speak

It could clear an ocean, or mop a floor,
but with it, you feel safe
It's an outlet for you burdens, letting them roam free,
out of your mind, and into the world

You're in a place where nothing can hurt you,
and then before you know it, it's gone

The pain returns and deep down inside,
you can still feel the silence
You can still hear the roar,
and you hate yourself for losing it.

But you know it will come again soon,
you feel like you need it, like it's your own medicine.
And you know how to find it.

Silence is everywhere,
in the loudest of places, all you've got to do is look.
It's like a shadow, you can't erase it,
and all you need to find it, is a little sun.

You don't even have to search,
all you have to do is listen, and you can hear,
The Sound of Silence


Details | Free verse | |

Paris my prison

another world for me
a soul that I be
a freedom for life
free by love for liberty
for living — Paris my reason
Paris my unfulfilled desire
Paris my prison


Details | Free verse | |

Time

Time. 
A challenge all of mankind faces, but yet I feel so alone. 
How am I supposed to deal with this?
Is there a book written that tells me how I can face the omnipresent calendar, who judges my character when I fail to meet his deadlines?
Because when I slow down I have to remember. 
The world doesn't stop with me.
It continues. 
Seasons and people change and go. 
They don't wait for me.
I am moving forward, trying to evolve into a butterfly. 
But to this fat caterpillar, it seems impossible.
The world never stops. 
It doesn't give me a chance to breathe. 
A chance to worry about the person I'm becoming.
A chance to change my ways and realize what lies ahead. 
A chance to look up into the skies above.
Above me, what is above me?
Is there a god, mocking me, preventing my transformation?
Or is there a glass faced clock, ticking slowly, begging me to bide my time.


Details | Free verse | |

No More

No More

Feeling abrupt,
Like a volcano ready to erupt
My soul a hurricane swirling
Around my empty mind and cruel
And forgotten soul.

Pain, feelings so strong,
It cannot be described
On a page with a pen.
I snatch the lunar eclipse
Away,
And beauty of the heart goes away,
No sight, no sound;
No pain, no sorrow;
No smile, no frown;
No anything, no everything.

A soul so black,
A heart so weak,
That love is long gone,
And will never return.

No pain is worth feeling,
And no pain such that I hold
Is worth writing away,
No use in finding love again,
When faced with heartbreak
One thousand times before.
No more pain, no more sorrow.

I shall go and sleep away the time,
Till Death comes calling my name,
And lilacs and violets litter my way,
And a single ruby hearted rose
Dries up and slowly dies away.

-10/3/2013-


Details | Free verse | |

Self Harm

i've been quiet too long i need to be vocal
while i remain drug free and teetotal
a blade is something i need to be close to
need a magic telescope i can see hope through

first time i did it.age 15 when my dad died
i swear my pen and pad cried
they were jealous i had a new "friend"
i just wanted my pain to end

my parents gave me away to strangers
growing up in care
filled with pain,sadness and anger
only the blade was there

i had no one to talk to
only my Nikes understand what i had to walk through
it seems once you do it
the blade seems to stalk you

don't ask how could i do it to myself
when no one knows the pain i felt
everyday being called a freak and emo
i was lost.but you were too busy trying to find Nemo

please tell me more about the attention i'm seeking
when i was going through it
not once did i ever mention or speak it
my pain and hurt forced me to do it

i haven't self harmed in over 2 years
overcome all of my pain hurt and fears
relapsing is the only fear i have left
but before i do that i'll of reached my death


Details | Free verse | |

Monster Within Me

Her screams tore through the air like lightning.
The heavens heard in horror.
The air collapsed under the noise as if to clap.
My heart jumped.
The pain was destroying my interior.
I tried to collect my being,
for if I hadn't it might have been my last move.

The pain of anger ragged over me.
God heard my pleas but ignored.
I prayed what I hoped would be my last prayer.
Tears splashed off the atmosphere,
And flowed like I ragging river.

I sat in the darkness.
An Armageddon couldn't break the dead silence.
I prayed and focused for my heart to stop.
My heart and anger ragged like a fire from hell.
I hoped that I would combust.
My instinct was to scream in horror,
But my body wouldn't allow me.
My body lay so still as if to be a statue.
My brain dreamed of images of horrific scenes of death.

My blood ran hot with anger.
The devil seemed to posses me.
I begged the universe to destroy me or her.
I couldn't hold myself.
I blacked out from furiousness.

My heart ran cold for her being.
My brain wandered.
Possibilities became clear.
Something vital became immanent.
The real monster was myself.


Details | Free verse | |

8:15 To Freedom

Do you hear the train a'whistlin'?
I wonder where she's a'goin'.
Can she be boundin' toward freedom?
Well, there's freedom in Jesus!
And that's all we need!


Details | Free verse | |

Math Sucks

2 friends,
ADD 1 relationship,
SUBTRACT pain and lust,
MULTIPLY by months,
= Love.
However,
SUBTRACT trust,
ADD temptation + 1 argument,
= Pain
DIVISION occurs,
ADDING long term disfunction,
SUBTRACTING common sense,
RAISED TO THE POWER of months,
= 2 crazy & 2 alone
MULTIPLY both sides by time and healing,
New relationships ADDED,
FACTOR OUT trust,
The ADD the 1st relation ship back to the equation,
MULTIPLY in months of pain + months of joy,
= LOVE/TRUST
I'd rather do Chinese arithmetic.


Details | Free verse | |

Vows

I take you to be the love of my life, 
To have and to hold and to hit and to crush
For better and for worse when worse is unspeakable
For richer, for poorer when money is spent on drugs and booze and porn
And there is not enough money left for groceries and school clothes.
In sickness and in health when I have to sneak to buy medication
and you call in sick to go to the race.
From this day forward because I have no place to go.
The shelters are full. No room in the inn.
I'm not serious, they say, because I did not call the police
When you choked me last night.
Instead I hid, huddled in the closet behind the locked door, 
Holding my baby and praying that she would not be next.
Until death do us part because I have tried to leave
So many times and you drag me back.
Love bears all things, 
Believes all things, 
Hopes all things, 
Endures all things. 
Love never ends.
Love never ends.
Love never ends.


Details | Free verse | |

Why Question No Question Question Is Now

I was born on death of arrival on birth.7:01 Am,  one of the coldest days  to record,
I battle for my life for every beat to every breath I was born premature.

Being born premature I was born with learning and mental illness and despite 
Of the disadvantage I broke barriers of stereotypies and prejudices that would follow.

Why Question that it is a recession does it mean mental illness rise? 
No Question the research from
ashbournenewstelegraph co ukHomeRecession worst, blog.atoshealthcaretagof
recession on mental health, thefiscaltimes, RecessionsSilent Mental Health... would include That facts does not lie, 
Question is now who is listening. (those R website just without dot coms) 

Why Question in the headline it’s the mental ill that’s making headlines
 No Question they all ask for help put the system ignored or failure report those demeanor read between the lines…
 Question is now could that have been your family or friends so why make fun of the mental ill to feel inferior? 

Why Question they say that people with too much education is at a higher risk of become mental ill? 
No Question they say that mental ill can’t have weapons if so then why is it 1.5 million roughly in the military that has sometime mental ill with weapons? 
 Question is now that Bill Clinton stated on Cnn that gun laws will never go away because (forgive me if I miss quoted)  the voters don't hold the people they voted in office to there word to do so.

Why Question that a person got to do a violent act before you determine that there mental ill and if that is so why do we have prisoner that could be mental ill
 or, is it one in same being and state from a television host “to do violence you must be some type of mental ill” it would be simply, if he ask the first question I stated then fumble with his words No question my doctor said if you are depression more then three day then in there book a person is mental ill 
Question is now why have smoking been written in constitution or some states and you know what type of smoking I’m talking about so who is to blame.

Why Question that the medicine they give us that can make you aggressive, more violent and sometime even suicidal but when go to sue them it was not enough evidence to prove but ten years later you can’t sue because the statue of limitation but time has ran out
No Question a comedian made a joke about the same thing was it a joke or was it a movement you tell me much luv to him! 
Question is now is if a person life is more valuable  then a buck if not why is  manufaction  a G over one prescription not knowing all side effects.

Why Question what is the debt ceiling as well as the glass ceiling seems to be something to keep minority from stepping in the next class because it all revolved around money and who is usually get short stick? (the poor) 
 No Question food stamps being cut, health care require and we have been in a war or wars since I been born I guess my generation was a victim of society the Lost Generation indeed,
no wonder inmates believe government own them. Now question does this facts lie? act lies if so why is history books rewritten in college every semester? Question it now

Why Question in the bible it speaks to the effects things will never be heard or seen would happen
(1 st Corinthians 2: 9)  I paraphrase that….. No question Jeremiah 8-9 once again paraphrasing  the people that became of power and knowledge used it in the wrong way and god later destroy the city
 Now question god spoke lyrically and God creation us in his own imagine and I have research that a person can come out of depression naturally but does the doctor tell you that? 

Once again it is a small percent of mental ill that does violence and most time they are the victims. I have giving my life to science I have giving my blood for 10 years and im only 25 years old my doctor told me by year 2020 it should be cure for my disease being born which such a disability may you know I gave my life to science so child like me will never know of harass words to endure.....

I will probably die before 30 or 40 because of malpractice and my disease Why question, No Question, Question is Now what is the definition of crazy and that of mental ill? 
My last statement is, I am the not only person that speak out for mental illness October is mental ill awareness would you like to say you spoke for reason? better yet chance.... 
(a poet and still running)


Details | Free verse | |

The Rat Race

As a child, I had much to do
Crushed it, when I tried to grew
Participant of the Rat Race, I am
Suddenly everything was scattered away

Now when I try to think of you
And calculate what went wrong
Where was my mind that day?
Why everything went so wrong?

After endless struggle, when I dream
Those equations , cry and scream
My demand curve went wrong way
And that was the end of everything 

The sweet little Tom & Jerry
still playing with no worries
Then my mind cries and says
those days are so far away

Every-time when I think of it
I think as I'm a liar and cheat
After this endless bargaining 
Life ends here.... Screaming


Details | Free verse | |

The Bird that is Loved and Loathed

It burns and it stings.
It hurts.
More than drowning beneath 
the ice.
More than remaining in a 
kindled flame
She hits and I no longer cry.
Why mother, why? 

It burned and it stung.
The markings remained, 
returned, and were relived
Looking, loving, and little 
known loathing were the known 
ways of living.
Never was their pity for the 
child that cried
Never was their relief for the 
child that tried

You were that lovely bird that 
understood the complications of 
felicity 
Nothing looked the same in 
those dewy browns of yours.
My everbeating would cry tears 
of joy.
The others-they were yet to 
appear.
Caring Mother, o' so fair
 You were that beautiful bird 
filled with care.

The others came and were not 
alone. Their two suitors sat on 
the throne.
Rampage and rage why did you 
come?
I began to wither and wither 
slumping along. So very soon I-
the child of fines- became a 
human raceme. 
The droops of the Lily of the 
Valley became the slumping of 
my heart.
My lovely bird the enemy had 
taken you and the person you 
were is far from near.
For that divine nature left its 
intricate self and you became 
irretrievable my big bird.
All of your fairness died.
With that went my pride.
 
Mother, Mother what moved 
you so? 
Your intense spirt vanished only 
to supplement a monster. 
Mother, Monster and your tar 
filled lungs. 
How did I kill that liver that was 
so, so strong?
The lesson of pain was one you 
came to learn.
My darling bird why did you 
turn?
 
My lovely bird and your big 
brown eyes
I'll tell you once, but never 
twice.
Pain is only a flower for it 
blooms and dies
And a mistake can be killed as 
quickly as lice.
 You dear bird hurt me well. 
Though, haven't you heard?
Weakness is a souls greatest 
strength.
You brought me up, then you 
brought me down.
You haved helped, hurt, and 
hindered my blazing spirit.
A hero in my heart-I left you 
down in your deep black 
slumber. 
Escaping those terrible nights
To go for the town of delights. 


Details | Free verse | |

A Hospital Stay - Part V

                                                                  5.

                                                        The In-Between

     There, in the In-Between,
     No trumpets sound
     No beings clad in gold celestial fire
     Arrive as guides to the heart's desire,
          Only silence falls
     Throughout the velvet deep profound.
     At the In-Between,
          No Savior calls
     For there is naught but nothingness;
     An emptiness entire.

Strangely, I sensed myself suspended
In a nevertime of not-quite-being.

Such was the In-Between, where now I wandered.

As though it had always been,
I felt myself afloat, adrift
Upon some frigid river full of ice
Which had no source and knew no end,
That traveled 'round and 'round and back again upon itself
Rising and falling over distant hills and bearing me with it
- Or rather, what was left of me -
Along in its meaningless, endless circuit.

Nor dark nor light intruded.
Vision compassed only what might be envisioned,
Images forming and fading
Within the little cavern of my skull.

Voices without discernable words.
Murmmerings within the waters.

Something like a sword
Was lodged down my throat.
I gagged upon it, over and over;
Unseen hands would withdraw it, then shove it down again.

The main thought flickering in my head
As I lay in this place
Was of how I seemed to have become some frail remnant
Of whatever I once was.
No longer did I have that sense of flesh
Containing the shape of me,
Nor the feel of muscle, nor the bone beneath.
I felt I had somehow been rendered
Some modern scientific wonder,
A creature flayed alive yet living
In some embryonic form, possessed of such shape as it could claim
By virtue of a remaining mass of nervous tissue;
A minimalist miracle
Preserved in a nutrient bath by the power and will
Of a conclave of white smocked High Priests of medicine.

Strangest of all, perhaps
Was that this perception of my fate
Occasioned in me not horror, 
But rather a regretful sadness.
"What will they tell my wife?" I sighed in my mind.

     Yet, by slow degrees the feel of the outward world
     Stole in upon my little hell of shapelessness.
     The throbbing thing I seemed to have become
     Refleshed itself somehow,
     Though the sword in its throat remained.

Distant voices resolved into speech again,
And as they did I felt myself begin moving again
'Round and 'round as before, still on circuit
But no longer floating on ice.
Now, instead, I seemed lain on some unseen track
Circling through a low-roofed sandstone cavern.

When I passed the band of light 
That marked the faroff entrance of this cave,
I would hear the voice of that Boy Who Would Be Our King
Exhorting the Disunited Nations
To join his crusade to punish his chosen scapegoat
For an evil he had helped loose upon the world.
The long silences that followed his harangues
Revealed the skepticism of his audience.

     I could sense that a long roll call of the dead
     Would soon be scrolling past the world's collective eyes,
     Be his call accepted or no;
     This was for show, decisions had already been made.

I regained perception of how dangerous things were becoming out there,
Out there where I'd lost my way, to stumble into this place,
How long ago I could no longer recall.

I knew this to be its nature, though
And as well that this was where I belonged, Out There
Where the only source of peace or peace of mind
Was the hope we wove between ourselves
With threads of unstoppable possibilities
The human way spins for itself.

I knew where I belonged, and reached out for it.

     I came back to be within
     The folds of all I love
     To seek the mystic shine of life
     Expressed in friends, relations, wife
     Awaiting my return.
     I began to climb Above
     Back to where all hopes begin
     To where desires brightly burn
     Until their ash shines whiter than
     The purer feathers of the dove.


Details | Free verse | |

A Blue Boy's Death Wish

A fragile mind breaks 
Wake upon the rock laden shores
A muffled heart begs to echo
Whispers lost among a velvet chamber

Dusk comes premature time and again
Dropping the curtain on an optimistic sunrise
If you never witness dawn
There is no tomorrow

Always the dreamer aches
Never awake to make real what he desires
The restless corpse walks blind
Dead ends seem fitting for one of the kind

Lost in the labyrinth of strangling vines
Love is the motive and the weapon
Taking root in throats dry from weeping
Sprouts of amnesia in place of smiles
A garden called heartbreak holds onlookers captive
The comfort takes hold, sets in the bones weary of searching
A plea for rest lands on deaf ears

The hollow boy tires of himself
The last request he will ever make
"End me"
Lost and tired
He wishes to be weak no more


Details | Free verse | |

Songs of Sorrowed Hearts

What makes this world go around?
What makes Death walk the Earth
and God sit on his throne and watch over us?
What makes love go around with such favour
and strut along side lonesome avenues?
What does a widow, a motherless child, a Vietnam veteran
and a boy who has had his fare share of heartbreaks,
all have in common with each other?

They were all promised a beautiful life,
free for all to love, free from the pain of betrayal
and anger.
We are what make the world go around,
I am the poet who sits and looks at love walk down the street,
and watch the blind eyes stare deep in my soul.
I am the poet, that feels the pain of a heart torn in two.
He his the poet who writes of smiles, to forget the frowns
and tears.
She is the poetress that writes of her success,
in order to forget her past that tortured her soul,
now he and she walk together writing poetry
sharing their love and smiles with the world.
But with smiles, also comes frowns,
with hearts full of love, comes hearts full of sorrow,
and someone has to stay behind and write of the bad
has to write and compose the songs of the sorrowed hearts.

We are all given love,
but it takes some whole lives to understand
the dark mystery that tags along with beautiful love.
Someone has to suffer the pain,
someone has to sacrifice his or her happiness,
so another poet can feel the beauty in happiness and pain.
I am willing to sacrifice my time and heart,
for my fellow poet to feel the smiles grow on their faces
and feel love uplift their heart,
while the black cancer tears apart mine.
I will go on, with what is left of my heart and smile,
and go into my room of creativity
and compose the songs of sorrowed hearts
for future poets, like that came before me.


Details | Free verse | |

The Fight and How It Felt

She threw me the hurtful look, that bleeding-inside feeling
Fell upon me and the whip lashed well
Across those deep soft parts
That quiver within and dare not show themselves.

I nearly snarled, the need to cool pain its transfer was great,
But then the blackness of the moment
Blinded my soul and filled it with Sad,
And whatever inward strength I had deserted me.

Love, replete with sins of omission,
Keeps count of the subtle slights
And stores them in its pantry of poisons
Ready to pour into one another's wounds whenever wretchedness
Brings the bonding close and sharp together.

All the love in the sun is good
Where we want to always be, though we cannot,
For life will not permit this.
The sun casts shadows that follow behind us and threaten;
Better to stand in pairs and face them
To suffer together and learn
Learn to take it all as it comes at us, feel through all the abuse
And grope beyond 
To where control depends on us alone
To where no games are played
To where the truth is told plainly, face to face,
To where we love and afflict one another because it is so empty and fearsome
To be alone.
Together we are more than one, less than two, stronger than all.

Lash went the whip and the pain burnt clear
Why such a ritual must be followed is not for reason to sort out
For the Fates have tied our lives together and we must walk as one
With the heart of each in the other's hand,
Knowing love to be a thing of fear and anger and confusion
Quite thoroughly mixed with joy.
So strike out and savor the hurt that flows in the bad times,
That it may teach us what we need to know about the good times,
And those good times tell us what we need to know about ourselves.

My love for you is too great to be put off by pain.
Come along my dear, let's step back into our private world,
Ready to go at it all again.


Details | Free verse | |

Devouring Carnal Desires

Lifeless, I lie here
On the bed of lust
Under the beefy quilt 
of mounting shame
With oozing hurt
And fading flame
To feed your lechery
with drops of salaciousness
Behind the closed doors
of raging prurience
As the rays of sun melt
In the heart of burning sky
I lay self down in gloom
And crouch down at your sight
As I bow, you drag me down
To feed your hungry soul
With the tender flesh
Of my puerile charm
And strangled glow
when the moon shines
Over the dying remains
Of my ebbing mind

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My interpretation of the portrait named 'Sleeping Child'
http://www.stephaniedeshpande.com/porfolio/


Details | Free verse | |

Our Love is a Crime Scene

If your words
(or lack thereof)
make me slit my wrists

Does that 
Make you a murderer?

You killed me long before
I dealt the final blow.

The jury is hung.


Details | Free verse | |

Braid Hairs

Why are you so devilishly addicting?
I come back from you,
It looks like I'm on drugs:
High and drunk,
Out of my mind.
The demons inside us braid hairs
Until we're peaceful meadows apart,
Nuclear wars together.


Details | Free verse | |

The Snow Man

I stumbled upon this stranger.
He was a cold man
with a warm heart.
and I was lost in a blizzard that night

He gave me his scarf
which he wrapped gently around my neck.
He eyed me with uncertainty 
And through his orbs of jet black
he became my eternity.

“That way” he pointed, 
“Is the way home”

He was my gothic hero
Stood fast in this icy inferno 
He stood still while 
His hell froze over
 
I looked back
Smiled
and waved my arm.
For it was this man who made sure 
that I came to no harm

And then the snow began to subside
And before I knew it
I was inside
tucked up in my bed and tired

I jerked to sleep
And I dreamt that I was in a storm.
Tied fast to a ships mast.
The hail and rain fell in torrents
And the sea swirled around like electric blue currents

The morning came over me
The sun then warmed on to me
My memories came back to me
Of ships, sail and snow

Then, through the windows
The cold man came into view
Like a world war one soldier
Advancing into a no-man’s land
Riddled with holes

Limping 
Sinking
Stinking

Waving his hand 
Then
Falling slowly to bits as if made of sand

The sun’s penetration
Was melting my man
He reached up to me
He held out his cold hand
He gave me a handful of smiles
Then melted slowly into the ice molten ground


The alarm clock buzzed!

Wake up! 


Details | Free verse | |

Difficult Trials -Part 1-

Turn the wheel
Out of curiosity
I'll be generous...you'll receive
Something special...something to make you whole
Though the trials you must run through
Are a great struggle that can easily
Pull you down
And I want to erase your frown

You will feel way better about yourself
Just trust me...take my hand...
I'll encourage you to have a satisfying time
Just for your own liking
We'll be hiking
Those somewhat difficult hardships 
Together for eternity 
We'll spend time in the future 
Together in unity

*******he sea...Let's flee and be free!
LOOK how nice you look!

Trample those insufferable nuisances
That dare put you down
To the sea floor
I'll push them to the core!

Feel free to walk the 
Road of Recovery 






 


Details | Free verse | |

little pale lies


sometimes, i get a wave of sadness over me.

i love you, and i want to be with you,

but

you deserve someone

a little less neurotic

and

a little more normal.

someone who is honest when she whispers, “I’m so happy”

under the covers.

you make me happy.

but you shouldn’t have to change me like that.


Details | Free verse | |

A Hospital Stay - Part II

                                                                  2.

                                                    The Light Returns

I feel myself oh so slowly rise
Through the Abysmal black of surgical sleep
Wakening, drawn to the distant sound
Of my own moans.  

When my lids flutter back
Sight is rewarded with the prescence of all my Beloveds
Gathered in conclave 'round my I.C.U. bed;
My travel-companion souls
Who bear the love and light that leads my own.

     The doctor enters bearing good tidings;
     The beast within was found and slain,
     Its loss complete
     At the sacrifice of nearly the whole of my stomach.

And so I lay grateful and gutted,
Though within it felt like the aftermath 
Of worlds in collision.
A wreakage within,
And when they make me rise for the first time the very next day,
I feel a slow tide of broken glass and metal
Fall in chaos through my new internal spaces.

Still, its a lovely thing to be rising,
At all.


Details | Free verse | |

Revolution around the Sun

   

     All your doubts christened
     By a blade pulled from a sheath
     Held by dirty fingers
     Clinched beneath your teeth

    Stripped your hallowed confidence
    Struck and splintered whole
    Dropped and splashed, broken pieces
    Crashed upon the floor.

    All the pain and loneliness
    Replacing all your fun
    All these wounds and bloody scars
    Won't be healed by one
    Revolution around the sun.


Details | Free verse | |

Don't you know

So you say it's just a game don't you know I see your pain can't you see I feel the same broken hearts that can't be tamed,don't you know I love you, don't you know I care,don't you know I miss you when you're not there,I never knew love until there was you, I never knew pain until we were through I never knew just how long life was til I had to learn to live without your love.


Details | Free verse | |

Impending Night

The impending night has fallen upon us
It woke with much persistence
Our hearts fled from its rage like a doe from a rifle
But the blast had already been made. . .

People fall like rain
The clouds are crestfallen with grief
And the darkness has no mercy 
Rain soaks...leaves an impact
The falls are devastating...

She was so strong, like a diamond she shined
Only to burn away and be one with the grime
I never saw her go
But the angry darkness of her essence—strangely glows...

He choked on his words, his memory
Like a child swallowing a pill
It is sticking in our throats
Against our will
And the dose ever grows. . . 
 
Who will stop the night?
You wicked thing how achingly stormy you have become!
Rich in your light as it smothers you whole
Leaving the rest to the droll sound of its toll

She burned
As they watched in angry happiness
The smoke of her spirits filling our hearts
No expressions...heavy depressions 
He was left to melt and rebuild

His wick ignites—burns are second nature
Though images are hard to swallow
She still talks to our souls
Her story still to be told
Like diamonds never found

A flame of hope hovers
We remain instilled in the rot
The darkness smothers
Its heavy slumber always waking


Details | Free verse | |

Pain

pain so sharp
it takes my breath away!
pain so fierce
it feels like a thousand tiny needles
all trying to pierce
my still beating heart.
pain so furious
it knocks me to the ground!
pain so ferocious
i spend every day
fearing the next round.
when the pain strikes
do not touch me,
do not counsel me.
when the pain strikes
all you can do is watch.
as i writhe in pain
and wonder if my eighteen years
have been in vain!
when the pain strikes
i think of past regrets,
and all my unpayed debts.
when the pain strikes
i remember ten dollars owed,
for a couple of books.
when the pain strikes
i see the faces
of all my old friends!
i see all the ones i've hurt.
all the ones i've left!
when i feel,
that icy blade of pain,
as it cuts open my chest,
searching for my heart,
i think of my family,
and  howi've let them down!
as these thoughts flood my mind,
while i writhe in pain,
i can't help wondering,
"is my life spent in vain?"


Details | Free verse | |

Sinning is the Only Path to Martyrdom

It’s an antichristian theory and method
The way I give myself this plague	
Sickening solitary sustenance of my own sins
An urchin warm within my spirit like a fetus in a womb 
It’s Godless; I’m Godless
To glorify a madman
It’s habitual
To let the madman in 


Details | Free verse | |

needles and pins


I can’t survive without the rush of an impulsive swallow or an impersonal touch.

I’m fueled by the adrenaline I get solely through sex and drugs, driving while high and chasing danger.

Piercing my skin with needles and pins,

willing to feel the worst to feel anything


Details | Free verse | |

A monster's Fear of the Open Closet

Everyone knows and can see, 
the wretched monster
who has been hiding in his closet for so long.

They do their best to ignore him,
make him feel worthless,
try and make him realize
his kind isn’t welcome in society.

The poor monster does his best
to close his  closet door,
but too many of his open secrets
already block the thin wood,
that once separated him from the rest of society.

The monster is barely able 
to move the door an inch,
so the people continue to discover ways 
to harm the poor monster.

      Meanwhile the monster despises his choice,
 to open the closet door
and allow the outside world 
to have a look at a life of hiding in the closet.

All he wished for was acceptance
but all he received was denial.

The monster began 
to try and retrieve his secrets,
to close his closet door,
but they were already running wildly 
through the minds of the outside world.

Eventually the monster realized that all hope was lost,
there was no longer any safety in his closet,
but the closet was the only thing he knew.

so one lonely night
the monster finally decided to end his misery,
he tied a noose onto the coat rack
and stood on a box of old shoes,
slipped his neck through the inviting hole,
and allowed his legs one last walk,
right off the edge of the old box of shoes.

During the next day,
society had seen what they had done
and began to rejoice that the “terror” was dead.
Some pretended to be sad,
but the rest openly delighted about the monster’s death.


Details | Free verse | |

TO MY PARENTS

You have given me
The most beautiful gift
That I have never expected...
...LIFE
You've offered me love, tender and affection
You've given me all that you posses
You are my two best friend
On this earth
You have direct me through my way
You have brighten up my path
You have rise and fall to raise me up
Despite I was headstrong
But I was polite
When my friend disobediant
Decided to pay me a visit
A little correction was enough
To make it fly away
You've tought me right and wrong
You've help me understand life
You've educate me good value
Send me to school 
To gain a good education
For me to be what I want to be
You've always help me
To reach my target
When I wass weak...
...when I lose hope
You were always there 
To lift me up
...you were always strong and confident
When I wassn't sure
And always a message of hope
When my tears flow down 
On my innocent face
With atender hand
You wipe it off
Your comfort I have never miss
You made me so proud
And I want to return the favour
Tell me is because I've grown up
I have to reject you
NEVER
Instead I will hold you tight
Because without you
I wouldn't be here
You always there
When I needed you
You are really important to me
A precious treasure in the middle
Of my heart
That neither you, him or nobody
Will ever destroy
Without you there is no love
Without you life has no value
I need you everyday
You are the two shoulder I cry on
It's you that understand all my suffering
Joy and sorrow
Despite I was stubborn
But when consequences arrive
I realise... 
...that you were not manipulate me...
...but it wass for my own good
But you that have rejected them
But you that have neglected them
It's not too late to return back towards them
And appologize
A child needs his parents love
And parents should never abondon
Their child 
Thank you for the brillant gift
I owe you my life
That cost more than value of a diamond
Mother...
...you've been through pain
To give me life
Father...
...you were always the responsible man
And you've never leave mum side
During her pain you were by her side
And you've support her
You've cuddle me
Despite I was a pain in the neck
You've never toture me
I am really proud that you are my
Loving parents
I love you so much
I will never be able to finish repay you
For everything you've done and still doing for me
But as long as I'm alive
I will never reject you
Because you are my dynamic parents


Details | Free verse | |

Anxiety -Frida Kahlo Contest

I sit here
Hair all around
I am shorn
My hair has gone 
But my anxiety remains

Why?
Why do I feel so useless
Why do I feel that I have been torn apart
Only to be put back together
With a hole where my soul once lived

So I cut my hair
To be free
I am not free
I am without.
Now I must paint
Draw my soul
To return it to its place

Will I then be free of my anxiety.


Painting:  Self portrait with cropped hair


Details | Free verse | |

Life Is Just The Funny Part Of it

How does it feel when they are gone, your mother and father, when life is just a dark tunnel of useless feelings, the way they seem to come to you and drag you through a restless floor with rocks and needles for your own personal mental pain, fictionary horizon showing off with blood and death, but yet you smile at so much pain because you never met love and comfort, a table with cards and deals, your soul for a life, but don't die because your gonna burn, burn like you intended to wake and open eyes in this world, since the night was on, from the sides were meant together, scars are there and they are well marked for everytime you look at your self you remember how long has it been since you last held hands with such people, family meant so many lies from before you met this world, the pain in you, the one you thank to every day to be there for you, the one that wasn't suppose to be yours and is still burning through you, like an endless fire that burns down a world of ilussion's, somebody said you were meant for more, your gonna grow higher and higher between every standing man there, the perspective you held for years, dying in your hands tonight, but no one can be fitting simply there, like a magik act agaisn't you, it all chains you to this never before seen hell, but yet you keep on for more, knowing you have no one there, those close will fade just for tomorrows sunrise, but yet you still stand, alone, because many ones have left you cry only for your inside, knowing you will not make it far, you still stand, like a grown man but with the age of a meer one, become what you ain't, become the man of tomorrow, mother is dead, don't you understand his mind screams, she killed herself, she put a bullet in her head, she painted the walls in red for you, father is dead, he is dead! Just move on boy! Move on! Is all you can do or follow their footsteps for nothing, in vain, your still gonna die, but no satan will drag me down, no one will ever, i refuse, i refuse, i rather die in vain after so many years than dying because of my own hand after so much i've been through, i fight for myself and only myself, don't blame me now for been so strong with life, don't spit on me for becoming the god of my own mistakes.


Details | Free verse | |

Sleeping Kate -extended version-

-I love the simplicity of the old one. But this extended version is special, I think...-


Caskets unmade 
Naked bodies sprawled in waste
Yellow, white and pale brown skins all in one
Emaciated fear lingering in the pale eyes

Spines tingle at the crunch of excessive skeletons
Grimy boots unmercifully stomp

Nostrils used to the stench
Ready or not, embracing the ash
Afraid to express
Afraid to breathe
Unable to stop the grief

Colder eyes than the dead themselves look on
They are bored, it seems
Untainted by the sound of groans
Unmoved by the crack of weak spines
Spineless themselves, these guards even smile
Frozen, blue eyes iced with a sneer
Black, demonic pupils steadied overtime
The corpses reflected in their transparent gloss

Teeth grind

A young boy picks up a dried hip bone
Small, calloused fingers clutch the last of his father
The eternal frowned mouth is caked with drool, tears and muck
Hair whitened as if ghosts have stolen his youth
This bone is jagged and worn
Once used by force as a bowl for his insect-infested meal
Shakily given to Her—the last She would eat
Before the officials watched Her slowly starve 
Today the bone will be used as a shovel—his final labor
Last effort for closure

The boy knows they are all looking
Both the enemy and the oppressed unified
All experiencing, all watching
He simply knows that overtime,
Tears of hope will decompose the hardest of hearts

And the boy drives his shovel into the hard ground
Pounding away at the chilled, blood-stained soil
Drowning out the groans with his own cries
Flooding the dryness with his sorrows
Breaking up the surface to bury Sleeping Kate

Sleeping Kate showed the officers
The skeleton she built out of bone fragments
Sleeping Kate told them we were all the same inside
With this truth, she died
With their guilt, they continued life
They tried. . .

The officers tried to bury Sleeping Kate
But Sleeping Kate is always alive,
Building skeletons in their minds. . .


Details | Free verse | |

Am I Still Forgiven

I did it again; I need forgiven.
Will He still forgive me even though I've fallen before?
I've fallen into these same sins countless times before;
I still haven't learned my lesson.
I am an ignorant hypocrite.
Am I still forgiven?


Details | Free verse | |

tomorrow is october for me too

I put you in a sacred cup.
Like a child, I whine,
And cry,
For you.
Not old enough to drink:
To see into the eyes of a woman,
Grown, with pain.
What she tells me I cannot understand.



But I can understand well enough.
I am as young in pain as the child
They will not take to drink;
A pain as fresh, as the dead leaves each year,
After a glorious summer seen from the inside out.
Yes, from inside.  



Because, I am the summer,
The sea;
The autumn, and its goblin's veil;
I am winter's cozy nook;
And springtime's drip Of Saviour's blood.



I am the child that lies within—
That even memories can't save
From the crooked spine
Of your blindness' path.
And you won't come to play with me.


Details | Free verse | |

The Hardest Thing To Do

When you have given it your all
thinking we will grow old together
not giving up 
determined to make it work
trying to earn his respect and gain his trust
showing your loyalty 
giving your heart
wanting only to matter
but he just tears you apart 
always wondering why
what did I do
to make you hate me so much
I look like a fool
without any guilt and no regret 
he did the one thing 
that I can never forget
I try to forgive but thats hard to do
when he’s not even sorry 
how can you be so cruel
you destroyed my life and our future too
we said till death do us part 
but that wasn’t true 
just another lie
thats all you seem to do.
you slept with my friend
over and over again
thats hardly a mistake 
for this my heart cannot mend
you wanted to hurt me
and thats just what you did
my husband, my lover, you were my best friend? 
what happened to forever? 
why did you make me your wife
you tell me you need me because I’m your soul mate in life
yet
you don’t love me enough to tell me the truth
that’s how I know my feelings will never matter
to you
So my love this is going to be the hardest thing for me to do
learn to accept defeat and let go of you


Details | Free verse | |

One of Those Days

Today was one of those days,
The days where I can't breathe.
Where I have to close my eyes for a moment, 
A moment because it's hard to believe.

Today I could feel the hole inside,
The hole I've tried so hard to fill.
But there is space inside of me,
A space that longs for you still.

Most days I can shut out the pain,
Move along like you've never left.
But today was one of those days,
Where I had to stop to catch my breath.

As hard as I try to fight it, 
Fight the pain you left behind.
Sometimes I must let it consume me,
Or I fear I'll loose my mind.

You left behind a ragged mess,
A a mess that's tattered and torn.
I'll never give my heart away,
Off true love I've sworn.

As much as I wish to replace you,
Find someone else to dull the ache.
I can't give my heart away again,
That's a risk I'm not willing to take.

Your poison in my veins almost killed me,
To this day some still remains.
Often with beats of my heart,
I feel it coursing through my veins.

While yes I'm getting stronger,
Breathing easier everyday.
Our life plays over as memories,
A movie forever stuck on play.

And today was just one of those days,
A day where I let myself feel the pain.
The pain that's a constant reminder,
That i will never be the same.


Details | Free verse | |

For a friend in pain

you're a silent person inside, that i know..
so a single insult or pain would pose a great blow..
When in pain close your eyes and drift..
think of of happiness and joy, that would give you a lift..

Anger and grieve, please don't let it rust..
In your heart don't let it last..

know that jokes come and go..
sometimes jokes go far beyond "tolerable"
so when hit in the heart so hard,
stay with your guard..
Maybe tomorrow's a better joke..
maybe tomorrow's your day..

Because every "tomorrow", we change, we grow, we love more and joke more..

Sorry for today..

We had to see those sad, sad, eyes..


Details | Free verse | |

blanket

i feel the threads
of time unravel

i grasp yesterday
as a blanket of pain
when memories invade
and i pull covers high
to protect from mind's danger
yet i always draw it back
take a peak beneath
breathe deep
then sigh

what is it
i hope to see, 
a blank space,
nothingness,
or a change
of what intrigues?

could these threads
ever dissipate these liaisons
of mother's twisted love
that tear through night?

i try and go back
through memories
and stitch time anew
make amends
a rebirth without womb
a freedom from touch
a life without pain
or immediate death

as time unravels
the threads
of my mind
i pull covers high
and hide
this pain








Details | Free verse | |

Shattered and Broken

A spiderweb crack in the mirror,
it covers the surface with a broken unspoken beauty.
My reflection is fragmented back to me.
Darkened red blood seeps down the seams of the mirror.
I see these eyes of mine that no longer look familiar,
circles, black beneath the insignificant bottom lashes.
Cheeks sunk in under high cheekbones on a weary face.
I do sadly recognize this pain.
My hands are shaking on the edge of the bathroom sink.
Brown, black, blood and bruises coloring darkness over my tan hands.
Unsteady and unsure, shaking violently, trembling terribly.
The heart can only handle so much before it shatters into pieces.
I shatter into pieces.
Somebody please come and save me from this reflection.
It haunts me, it is not me
but it is who I've become. 
Shattered and broken like the mirror on the bathroom wall.

05-04-2014


Details | Free verse | |

Lonesome rider

Thankless perhaps or just a twisted delusional drift 
Compounded by an mounding anxious rift 
Eyes of turquoise green glass 
Take a direct trip to the past 
Bordering on the edge of obscene
Trembling but not from caffeine  
The minds adrift pickling down 
No smiling glances from the banished clowns 
Creeks running high blackbirds peeking with their purposeful break
Espresso sleek  
Upon a spring morning breezy and free came a muddling self
Time to take a reflecting look for oneself
Changes drifted in like a zephyr from below
And I sit here with my heart in tow
Can’t see the forest from the trees
When the best things in life stand before me
Pulling and tearing at the core of uncertainty
Down on my knees swallowed in a state of sick jubilee
Another message from my minds absurdity
Cracked and dusty now peeling down
Feeling the pain whispering its sound 
This humanity, this space-
Come the lonesome riders and the sadly misplaced


Details | Free verse | |

My Love Is a Waste

I loved u I was there
I heard your cry
I heard your pain 
I felt the warmth of love drift
From your heart
I loved you
Was it a waste

I was there for you 
For us the pain will always last
My first love drifts away when
It rains snows but why
I don't want to give up nor in
I love you I do I do
The way you touched me
The way you held me it meant
A lot to me
But your right were different so my
Love was a waste thank you for the
Pain it will last forever!!! 
Sad to the touch


Details | Free verse | |

Fear

My emotions blind me
My body dead with pain
Begging to feel something again
To know that I live

My hand trembles violently
Unable to guide the blade
Causing a jagged path of destruction
Driven by the brutal force of inner pain

The pain echoes through my body
Its immense power gripping me
Captivating me
Trapping me in my mutilation cult

The blade eats through my skin
Feasting on the gaping wound like a monster
Washed in my blood
Glinting evilly before me

I am mesmorised
By the life force flowing from my body
From my self created wound
Staining my skin

My skin tingles as the pain builds up
Shuddering violently through my body
Pouring through my eyes
Tears raining fire on my wound

The pain numbs me
As my eyes follow my escaping blood,
Painting a web of pain across my skin
Fear engulfs me

My world freezes
The monster nearing, hungry for more
Its last meal can lay me to rest,
Can be my escape from this pain

But my fear grips me
Ripping the knife from my hand
Curling me into a ball
Throwing me back into life
Alone




Details | Free verse | |

Ignorance meets Insanity

Seriousness settles in, like an old friend
Seriousness spreads like a disease
Infecting us, accelerating, our aging process 
Our youthfulness, our playfulness, slowly slipping away
Our wonder in life, diminishing
Seriousness leading to rigidness, pathway to small mindedness!

Days and years, rolling into one
Colourless, lifeless, mundane, dull and boring
“What day is it?”
“Don’t smile or your face might crack!”
Judgemental, cantankerous!
Pompous attitudes, of modern day man

Stubbornness and ignorance, clinging to what’s familiar
Seriousness, up tightness, humourless, imagination vanished, pathway to madness!
The mind focused on its self created drama’s
Fears constantly being stimulated, from our outside world
Personal insecurities, constantly being triggered, inside
The past lives on, the present forgotten 
What was once important, now, left on the back burner
Hard headed, victim orientated
Righteous, self absorbed
Emptiness, hollowness, helplessness

Seriousness and ignorance, walk hand in hand
Becoming, our best friends
The vampire suckers of vitality
Sucking the life, out of our personal goals and childhood dreams
Lose of faith, gradually, losing our way
Lost, amongst the thick of it
Not knowing any different
Everything becoming an illusion
Seeing things as it should be
In our own little universe, no one else’s!

Entrapment of the mind
Our, personal intelligence, laying dormant
Body and mind, riddled with dis - ease
Heart beating hard, starving for a substance, we call love
Numb, to the outside
Numb, on the inside
Desensitized!
Going crazy!
Consumed with our own self created loneliness and separation
Ignorance meets insanity!


Details | Free verse | |

On A Rainy Day

On a rainy day for me 
Its like everything 
comes out
All the pain and the 
tears 
I just wish sometimes
The story of my life 
was different
Rainy days like this the 
tears never stop
No matter how many 
times you wipe your 
face
The tears seem to 
never fade away
Blemishes i carry over 
my heart 
Millions of them stuck 
in one spot
Its a sign of hurt thats 
not going anywhere
Deep down inside my 
heart is slowly fading 
away
On a rainy day like this 
It feels like my whole 
life disappearing my 
way
No family,no friends 
just me all alone
Rainy tears still here 
after all the praying 
ive done
Sometimes just feel 
like nothing could work
But people always say
"Mariah never give up"
I try my best to follow 
these words
But something always 
seem to step in the 
way
I just wish sometimes 
things would go my 
way
Maybe all this pain 
cause me to be off 
track
Or maybe theres 
something that can 
make it leave my heart 
and never come back
I try to be strong but 
rain just falls down
Each and everyday on 
my knees 
With my hands 
together
I pray on this rainy day
That the pain and the 
tears would wash away


Details | Free verse | |

AM ALIVE NOT DEAD

Crazy how when one problem is solved,
Another one arises,
When one thing is lost,
we find another one,
When we give up
someone else moves up,
When we think its the end of the road,
the journey has just began.

Crazy how when one stops hurting,
worry wants to take over,
When we are down and crushed to dust,
freedom calls, wanting to sweep you away like the wind.
Crazy how when i cry,
I realize am normal,
I have emotions and tears.

Funny how When my life is out of control,
When am broken and hurt,
Scared, thinking that this crazy world,
Is going to bring me down,
i find a reason to smile
I realize AM ALIVE NOT DEAD.


Details | Free verse | |

Tears of Broken Death

I feel the pain The immense pressure in my chest Will she leave me Will she die I don’t think I can handle this The increased heartache For she is near death I hurt so much By the ears she listened So quietly she sleeps But deceivingly so She doesn’t breathe quite right At a loss for air I quiver with the pain of her dying She listens With each breath she takes I breathe but not of happiness I hurt all throughout I hate to worry The annoyances of being this way The terror of the inevitable Death will surely come slowly Taking each breath she has And throwing it out Past any hope Of recovery She has no air left in her To breathe And I cry… Tears of broken death
Russell Sivey Entered into Nathan A.'s "Free-Verse poems" contest 3/12/2013


Details | Free verse | |

Love Hurts - The Symptoms

Thoughts displaced by rolling palpitations,
From left to right grow these numbing sensations,
A face which spirals down, drooping from smile to frown.

Time hibernates in this moment protracted,
Legs bow and shake to our drama just acted,
Senses into overdrive, does pain show you’re still alive?

Oxygen masks, Coxes’ rowing commands,
Heart beat machines is what love demands,
“You need time to relax”, prescriptions from Quacks,
Is love just a commonplace heart attack?


Details | Free verse | |

I See You Everywhere

What do I say now? Where do I start?
Without you beside me, I'm falling apart
Thinking of you, know it isn't too smart
But I See You Everywhere, oh my poor heart

Love in her ways
She drifts slowly past me
A spring in her step
Oh she's moving too fastly
Upside down now
She turns my heart and soul
Reflecting in my mind
And in my heart, a hole
Every time she crosses my mind
I'm reminded of the pain
No chance to love her
She'll forget my name

So what do I say now? And where do I start?
Because without you beside me girl, I'm falling apart
Thinking of you, I know it isn't too smart
But I Still See You Everywhere, and oh my poor heart


Details | Free verse | |

Scars Left Behind

It is hard not to trace back 
All those memories
Which you kept behind you 
While you were dreaming in your trip.
Those long moments when you grieved
Those short moments when you breath’d.
From here I can hear some voices of your trip
From there there were no choices in your grip.
Just listen to those immense fragile noises:
When you kept crying,
Laughing, trying and maybe dying
Perhaps I was you— when you were lying
To your thinghood...!

Womanhood is like Robin Hood—
It is always chased in the wood.
Many trees are cut off without roots,
And shall never give birth to the last roots.

When the sun goes down
I pretend to be sad,
So that my night dreams
Are filled of stars instead.

When the moon goes up
I play the role of the dead—
When the moon goes up
I close my eyes and go to bed 
When the moon goes up
I beat my heart and feel so sad
Is there any way to see the moon smile without dread?


Yasser Rhimi


Details | Free verse | |

A Letter I Wont Be Sending

A letter I won’t be sending
Will tell the truth about you
Sort through your lies
Show the real you
A letter I won’t be sending
Will tell of tearful nights
Bringing them out of the darkness
Into the light
Uncover all the bruises
You left on both body and soul
Showing you the pain
My hearts toll
A letter I won’t be sending
Will tell you how I feel
Speak the words I’d never spoken
Show feelings that are real
A letter I won’t be sending
Will be missing you
Telling you good bye
Telling how disappointed 
I am in you


Details | Free verse | |

The eyes

Never I know,
what is flowing form your eyes to my heart 
I only feel  somthing collapse.
and gradually I finish...


Details | Free verse | |

Remember me

I evoke a warm hand upon my shoulder.
A gentle kiss may eases the trembles of my lips. 

Laughter replaced by envy.
Through anger, it is he who now summons. 

I stand, a stranger to the one that stands beside me.
My presence now felt, I can no longer leave.

I will wait with you, when all patience exhausted. 
When all fears have been slaughtered.

I can no longer be seen, however I am here.
Sheltered by your man made tears.

A creative writer, now made a sinner.
I will wait with you, I will sit with you, as you write.


Details | Free verse | |

Pills Pills Pills

Headache? Pop some pills!
Fever or for any of your ills -
Sore throat? Running nose?
Backache? Joint pain?
Bad bowl moment? Sleeplessness?
Low libido? Birth control? Weight loss?
Feeling blue? Under the weather?
You are cranky and pain in the neck?
Yep, your answer is pills!
U-haul a load of pills along.

High Cholesterol? Low Cholesterol?
High or low blood plessure?
Feeling dizzy? Want to feel high?
Going crazy? Pump up your muscles?
Excel in school? Excel in sports?
Date pills, LSD, Viagra, Speed,
Sugar pills, Heart pills - You name it.
And, pills to knock you out cold!

But do we have a pill to live life right?
A joy pill? A pill for happiness?
A love pill? A pill for peace?
A pill for faith?
A pill for knowledge?
A pill for wisdom?
A pill to appear likeable?
A pill for compassion?

If I have a choice,
I'll pick a crystal ball pill,
And take a peek into my future -
If not years ahead, just into tomorrow,
Or a pill to disappear into thin air
to escape my pain and sorrrow!


Details | Free verse | |

Refusing To Listen

Everyone telling me where to go:
Turn left,
Turn right.
I don't even know who to listen to anymore;
I don't even know who I am anymore.
God, please speak to me
And tell me where to go
And show me what to do
Because Your voice is drowning out in the madness
Or maybe I am just refusing to listen.


Details | Free verse | |

MAMA, HELP ME FALL ASLEEP


                  Mama, can you rock me in your arms tonight?
                               I just want to fall asleep,
                  The pain is wasting me inside,
                               I’m tired but can’t close my eyes
                  Still haven't found my peace.

                   The world is celebrating Love,
                               As I gently choose to rest,
                   My eyes are heavy, pulse is weak
                               But the heaviness still weighs my breast.

                  Long weary years of strive I’ve passed,
                              You promised that the pain won’t last...
                  What’s that Mama, in your eye?
                              A tear for all the times I’ve tried.

                  Don’t worry Mama, I feel peace
                             Here in your arms I found paradise,
                  In the distance, I have found my sun,
                             My eyes are heavy and I’m traveling far
                  But this journey is a happy one. 






Details | Free verse | |

Unspoken love

Under layers of sheets against the biting coldness of early mist
in between soft, cuddly comfort of my pillows
and an unseen blanket of warmth all over me

An unnamed waves suddenly washed me
and swept me to the unknown abyss of darkness
unknown abyss of lost hopes, dreams and wishes.

My hands are flailing, searching for something to hold on to
hoping for never-ending hope that I will be swept back ashore
for I'm losing, drowning and on the verge of giving up soon.. anytime!

Like any other dreams that I dream't before
Is it worth dreaming for? Or should I wait a little more?
Would it be a dream come true someday? anytime?

I heard a thumping, so loud it brought me back to where I ended up last night
cushioned in the familiar scent of my bed, I'm awake now;
deaf in my own heartbeat, waiting for the sun to cast his light, soon, anytime!

Mind racing in a speed of light, in a morning Sunday rush!
whilst heart is taking it's pace in a leisure Sunday morning walk
distance covered, places conquered, end of the line will be reached anytime soon.

And from where the sun rises, a secret wish was blown into a kiss
all the way up, up against the course of hands of time
may the faith favor the odds and let that wish be granted... anytime soon! 


Details | Free verse | |

Goddess of night

You lay in the arms of darkness;
a rose bleeding pedals across the sky
and your pure tears of light 
drip upon cities and seas and forests.

Why do you cry, Mirror of hearts?
Your beauty, none could surpass.
Your countenance, like that of an angel… and yet lonely.
Do you weep for your captivity to Time?
Is the sadness you permeate for humanity’s oblivion?
In the distance I hear wolves calling your name
and you smile sadly, stroking their yearning howls with mystery. 
The hallows of sound echo your soft humming throughout the past.
For a brief moment, your tenderness is tangible.
Then, ominously you shroud yourself with Heaven’s mist
like a bride to marry the sky.

Dawn will soon awake the birds in song…
Illumination will conquer the hold of darkness
and you will leave, only to return again.

I will see you once more, my beautiful
Goddess of night.


Details | Free verse | |

Dark Woods - CGH

Cindy and Sydney - -
The Birth of Sydney

Cindy half lay in a corner of the room,
her long hair drooping over her head.
Almost touching the floor, it hid her face from view.
Sobbing now, low and fully,
the long painful bursts
creeping all the way from
where pain begins and silence ends.
Cindy was no virgin 
but this was her first trick,
and was not a good experience.
Gone now, he was drunk to the point of insensitivity,
playing the role of John Holmes.
Not in the passive sense.
He was belligerent and cruel,
demanding satisfaction. 
She gathered the bits and pieces 
of herself together …
from the walls, the floor, 
and vowed no one would ever
touch her, that way, again.
The early morning air, was brisk as she walked 
out to the curb.
Her head cleared completely.
She saw him come from the bar across the street, 
staggering to the curb---- sick.
Walking up to him, he grinned that silly piece of a grin 
he had when he first exposed himself to
her earlier in the night.
She almost wretched as he took her by the arm,
come on honey he said through fetid breath. 
I have just the thing for you.
I’ll bet you do.  I’ll just bet you do she thought.
Far back, in the ally way she propped him up 
against the side of a building, while she
fumbled at the pants.  
When the time was right she quickly moved
and the straight razor was quick, sure and thorough.
She stood up and looked into the puzzled, pain ridden eyes.
Look at me she said.  Look at me!
I want you to know who did this, if only for a second.
He turned a saddened guilt laden face to her in recognition.
The razor slashed again, and trying to speak 
the words gurgled
from the opening in his throat.
“My name is Sydney” she said, don’t you ever forget it”

© cgh nov 2011
COMMENT: This poem is entirely fictional. Dark poetry 
seems out of my realm, but If you think I could continue 
a "Sydney" series please comment to that effect, and I 
will make another attempt.   It is hard because I do not
like the foul language which usually accompanies a poem
such as this.


Details | Free verse | |

Take me Away, Alive or Awake Part 1

Take me Away, Alive or Awake
by ~CrimsonSmolder

In the lands of consumption 
On the edge that is so narrow 
Take me away; alive or awake 
Take me away; by force or compulsion 
Oh malicious being you..
Capture me whole and breathing 
Drug me high 
And pain me less
And you shall gain 
What other lacked to impress
In a room so velvet 
Blood is mistaken for carpet 
Curtains turn to shadows
Take me there; Alive or awake
Lay me down on a bed of roses 
In a dress of scarlet and pale light black 
With hair so curly that shines solid lust 
Where candles are lit and halos are exposed
Drug me high 
To pain me less
As I stare in those passionate eyes of black 
Genuine, yet unveiling
As the drug gives me nausea but keeps me awake
I Lay so still, so wordless
As you rid me from my clothes slowly and gently 
And I just stare into those exquisite eyes of yours
Lashes as dark and long
I stare onto that black soft hair 
As it falls perfectly to all sides
That built muscular rigid torso and lean abs 
That open shirt of yours waiting for the skin to expose
You put yours hands to my sides 
Tough yet it feels so soft
As you enter me whole
Introducing feelings of excitement, of tension, of delight 
Yet I still lay motionless and still 
With eyes so indifferent 
And a heart beating so fast 
And yet you pause, and produce a dagger
Hidden in thee black silk 
Its poison, peering silver, visible at the hilt
I notice, but no reaction follows
You pierce me lightly in the neck and breast 
Slipping it lightly, yet in some places deeper into the skin
You lower your aim and strike it slowly yet smotherly to my stomach
A bit of blood escapes my mouth; you wipe it tentatively with your hand
You aim lower, cut deep into the abdomen
Yet you continue to kiss me, and caress my check, leaving scars of red everywhere 
Droplets of a beautiful color ooze soothingly from thee cuts
A feeling of lust consumes me 
A rage of vulnerability conquers me
A sick pleasure overwhelms me 
I try. I will.
And I produce all might to put my hands behind your neck 
My legs around your waist 
And I kiss you and love you 
And sense fades yet the heart still wants
Still lusts, still orders
Yet the blood continues to pour 
The body begins to suffer 
And pain a bit I begin to sense
As I wince, surrendering my arms to my chest 

There's a 2nd part, please do read it c:


Details | Free verse | |

I Messed Up

Lord, please forgive me.
I need You.
I messed up.
Please, save me.
Thank You.
I trust You.
I love You.
I am a hypocrite.
Please, change me.
Thank You.
Amen.


Details | Free verse | |

Do Not Mourn

Do not mourn because my time on this earth has ended,
celebrate the life I have lived.
Do not grieve because you did not get to tell me your last goodbye,
for I know how you feel through the memories we shared.
Do not feel sad because you will never see me again,
because I will always be with you.
Do not cry about the silly fights we have had,
smile about the times we have laughed so hard our stomachs hurt.
Do not imagine the pain or hardship I have been through in my life,
I will feel no pain when I'am with my savior.
Please while I'm gone I ask one thing for you,
do not mourn, because one day we will meet again.


Details | Free verse | |

Sunken Silence

Sunken deep down into the dark depths,
So far no light has reached this part
As I swim in suspended silence, 
I keep fighting to survive I pray for breath
Or is it death?

One who is drowning has no fight left
To struggle and rebel against the truth will tell,
Everywhere is darkness, time is running out
Life leaves the heart as silence surrounds
My body no more, drowned.

Awoken from sleep.

Freedom from another dream
To find myself on a screen
Watching myself as a teen
Playing a role in a familiar scene…

The young boy is locked inside
Rusty bars in a cell. He cries,
No one can hear his pleas, denied.

They lied.

Against the urges he did fight
So hard he did try.

He tells himself lies
As the sunshine hides 
In the
Long
Cold
Dark
Night.


Details | Free verse | |

When we pour salt on slugs, when we fall in love

How is it I could love someone I could not win back with a poem?
Or that I could not touch with an Iris?

How is it I could ever find something in someone who thinks the moon is hiding nothing!?!
Or think it queer that I look for dead locusts, to hold in my hands, to bring back.

How is it I could love someone, 
who when it’s over will meet me like a stranger in the park to chat about the weather or a movie and salt the Irises at her feet. Like dying slugs.


Details | Free verse | |

Dying with a Smile

Love is an unspoken form of maschism
And it's slowly killing me inside.
Each minute of silence 
A lost beat of my heart.
My ribs are all knives now
Stabbing my flesh and making it bleed.
My heart feels vast, hollow
Cold,
Like a hundred story skyscraper-
its residents packed up and left suddenly with out so much as a note on the door
And their rent unpaid.
And each day my skin screams and tries to escape my body and I saw at it with broken glass in an attempt to set it free but I can't.
I am trapped.

And our love is the five ton anchor pulling me beneath the waves.
Our love is the air bubbles frothing from my mouth and the cries of my lungs as they are
filled with the sea.

And our love is the smile on my face that doesn't dare fade despite the pain.

Our love is the hope that soon
I won't need to breathe.
That the chains will break and set me free
To wash ashore with the millions of others and watch them stand up and brush the sand from their hair and turn to bask in the sun's embrace.

Our love is what breaks my legs, keeps my back to the sun and my eyes locked on the dark waters in the hopes that you will emerge and grasp my hand and help me stand! 

Our love will starve me
And burn me
And deprive me of sleep.
I will die for our love before I leave this shore without you by my side.
And maybe,
Just maybe,k
I can smile for once without the pain.


Details | Free verse | |

Phantom Pain

You’re no longer a part of my life
Amputated
Before the gangrene
Of tortured doubts
Reached my heart
Poisoning along the way
It couldn’t be cleansed away
Or so I thought….
Cut away…
Cut away from my life
And all that remains
Is my maimed heart

And yet….
On cold and rainy days
I feel the phantom pain
Gnawing away
Alternating between
A tingling tightness
And a burning sensation
Where your presence used to be

I try to manage
To go through my day
The missing part of my life
That was your smile
Your eyes
Your body
Fused to mine
That missing part
That I feel but cannot touch
Makes me dysfunctional
And I need a crutch
A pseudo love
To get on by

The phantom pain
Won’t go away
ALWAYS THERE
A dull reminder
Of your absence
That eats at my soul
Working it's way to my heart
Poisoning along the way
Wasn't that why you were cut away?
A childish attempt to protect my heart
From the possible death of love?

Yet….how is it that I’m dying anyway…
Without you….
The missing part of my heart!

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

THE STARGAZER'S RIDE for WILD WILD WESTCowboy contest

                                             THE STARGAZER'S RIDE
                                         (or THE LAST SPURRING LICK)

                                        Saddle shoulder-tossed like feather light
                                        Aging cowboy strutted for the crowds
                                        The throngs that mingled in his mind
                                        From past glory, cheering loud.

                                        Across his shoulder down his back
                                        Leather mended with great care
                                        Oiled and rubbed with tender hands
                                        A woman never stirred such love.
                                       
                                         Excitement scuttled--- colors blazed---
                                         whooping kids these afternoons—
                                         Livestock stirr and kicked the stalls
                                         inhaling echo pumped excitement’s blur—

                                         Colors mixed with fear and joy
                                         Set the boldest man on edge
                                         Broken bones mere memories--
                                         Blotted out behind the thrills  
                                         That bucked behind the unknown stalls.
                                        
                                         A sudden certainty grabbed him
                                         As real as bucking in the stalls
                                         His breath still strong and stalwart sure
                                         The sounds and colors shimmered on

                                         Visions flashed from death to glory
                                         Called to thrills that grind the soul.
                                         He'd had his fill of limps and aches
                                         No delights in growing old .

                                         Today he'd end his life on fire
                                         A rank Star gazer sucking back
                                         His time the best—tho body crushed
                                         He’d give this crowd a shattering crack



Rodeo Terms:
spurring lick--the movement of a cowboy's feet
Rank—hard animal to ride
Star gazer- animal that bucks with his head up
Suck back: animal that suddenly switches direction
Crack--excitement


Details | Free verse | |

Jaded Love

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me time and time again – I am stupidly in love.

They say the sign of a crazy man
Is someone who does the same thing over and over again,
Expecting a different result each time.
I am a crazy man.

The first time you broke my heart,
I nearly ended my life.
When I finally resolved to live again
You came knocking on my door asking for forgiveness.
I welcomed you with open arms – falling hard once again.

The second time – I swore it would never happen again.
I lied.

Upon each return you swore you had learned your lesson –
I proved I had not learned mine.

You come back to me broke – I make you whole again.
You come back to me drunk – I sober you up again.
You come back to me abused – I nurse you to good health again.
You come back to me in need – I drop everything to comply.

You only love me when your life is at rock bottom.
Once I help you to your feet – you use them to walk out on me again;
And, I am left a broken man.

I would love to say, “Never again”, but I know I am too weak.
The spell you hold over me is one I cannot resist.

I have ended other, more healthy relationships, 
To once again jump on the carousel of your jaded love,
Only to have the ride come to an end and the fair leave town once again
With this little boy holding a handful of unused ride tickets:
No refunds – No rain dates – No sense at all.

I pray that you do not come back again.
The pain of you not being with me is less intense than the pain of you leaving again.
Please, allow me to suffer the lesser evil.


Details | Free verse | |

The World Needs You, Lord

The world needs You, Lord;
We all need You too.
Alone, we battle and fall apart,
But we live joyful freedom with You:
Created anew in Your perfect image;
Saved,
Loved,
Changed,
In Your Holy Name!
We pray,
Amen!


Details | Free verse | |

EYE Don't See -Part 4-

My heart is beating with upbeat delight 
You astound me…in every shape and form 
My spirit is dancing with unbreakable might
You surprise me…when you take my hand
And pull me outtah my jail-like dorm

And He dismisses me from my solitude…
My eyes are glistening with bliss… 
And I’m far from my demise… 
Only to find that there’s no need to feel helpless

Why do you spoil me rotten with your fatherly affection?

Just protect me from any harm 
Let me make my own decisions…
To see the results in the long run 

You prize me as if I’m cherished like your carefree child
You don’t understand – I’m TOO foolish and wild
I haven’t even reached to full maturity 
But how eye hope to see myself grow and be set free
From the world’s mayhem
Is there a solution to this problem?

And I’m left with no answer…
My eyes are eager to see…another bright day 
And the night is coming to haunt me… 
I find myself slowly disappearing from sight…
When will God give me a purpose to fight? 
When will He feed me His awesome might? 

Just support me…especially during my downfalls
Please answer my calls!

And I’m left to venture off into His path…

Eye can’t escape my terrible nightmares 
Consider my calls of acceptance…my grief weighs a ton
Let me pour forth my tears – 
Do me a favor and cast away my fears
Steer me away from disorder and confusion

Eye can see you’re making great progress
You’re heading towards a brighter, superb future…

My eyes 
No longer witness oblivion 
My eyes
Looks beyond the earthly pain…
bEyOnD the affliction 

I spot a rope in the distance. . . . . 

Push aside the waves…and let me
Grab it this instant!
God feeds me His love…and treats me
Like a newborn infant!

Eye see my Father with brand-new eyes  
I feel rare content
And I feel hardly any resentment

Eye 
cherish 
that 
REMARKABLE 
moment 


Details | Free verse | |

Man in the Mirror

I see the pain in your eyes

I've seen the tears you have cried

But on the other hand

I see the greatness inside

I still hear the screams

You know when you were abused as a child

Your skies were never sunny

Always covered with grey clouds

And when you tried to speak up

They said you were too loud

So you always kept mum

Brought up by a single parent

So you never saw Dad

Now I'm wondering who you are..

Cos you really look familiar

Oh yea you're that man in the mirror

 

 

I see the grief on your face

I wont want to be in your place

I remember the day you first cut up your wrists

I know the pain gave you temporal bliss

But after the guilt seeped in...

You punched the wall so hard you had to wrap up your fist

Then your cousin introduced you to filth

Couple years down the road...

You cant even get up to piss

You now have a skinny frame

Doctors say you got AIDS

Now I'm wondering who you are

Dang, you're the man in the mirror

 

 

Sometimes I hate the image

This replica of me...

I can be anything in the mirror

I don't want to be a villain

But its hard to be a hero

And I have to remember that this man doesn't define me

My actions or in-actions make him what he is

The man in the mirror is zero without me


Details | Free verse | |

Lyrical 1st verse and chorus - Devastate

Words hurt more than knives
I dont know how much I can take 
I am lost and cold and 
You are laughing at my pain 
I hope that you know 
what you did to me will stay
worse than stories told 
these scars will always carry pain 

I wont let them close enough
close enough to feel my pain 
I wont let them touch 
touch my heart wipe the tears away 
I wont let them close enough
close enough to heal my pain 
I wont let them touch 
touch my heart to sheild the rain


Details | Free verse | |

Insanity or death the mind of a survivor

                                          Enters Shawnteysmo
Searching for the right answers using the wrong clues
Trying to cure cancer when clutching a carpenters tools
Handed death or mental disaster the latter I did choose
Like dog without a master Im breaking all the rules
I speak when I'm not chosen turn football games to news
Steal tanning beds leave lotion give vagrants home and shoes
When insane lies are useless nothing has me influenced
My brain just produces the truth in it I am fluent
Zip!! The beam from a ray gun knocks shawnteysmo unconscious and then enters 
                                              Dr. Mindbender
Me I'm a whole different character,My opinions are scarier
I am who makes them eat what they serve,When they play in the street I'm that car they deserve,At the last moment I swerve,The kind of torment that unnerves,I saute my pen and eat all the verbs,I've no use for friends so I dont pull my words
I say those things that disturb your sleep,The thoughts I bring keep you tongue in cheek
I am those mental splinters that enter into a place so tender the pain delivered could rupture your liver,Almost sinister but the offspring of a minister
Click! the lights go out and there is the sound of a scuffle the lights return and shawnteysmo has vanished Dr. mindbender is tied up in a corner and before us stands
                                                The General
I have been commissioned,To upgrade the position,Of all who will listen
No need for salutations just pay attention to direction
In the face of negative aggression we will continue progression
We will not waver, cower or sleep amongst flowers,We will devour the devourers
We will hunger only for respect and eat justice for protein
Our voices of thunder will reflect and break mental beams
We will willingly pay this pennance and scrutinised will be every sentence
And when seemingly all is finished we will then ask for forgiveness
It all becomes cloudy I shake those three personalities away regain focus and now Im back to myself............................Sha'ntez
I cherish my regrets so how could I choose death
In marriage myself and stress I accept nothing less
I feast on my pain so I'm already insane
Barefoot in the rain chewing on a sugar cane
I've been without breath pressure almost left my chest
The sickle of the best almost took my flesh
The fallen are the shields that remained on battlefields
So never will I yield I'll have to be killed


Details | Free verse | |

Final Hour

The final hour has finally come, 
All too slow.
I wish it didn’t have to be this way in a room of white and blue, 
Connected to machines so they know the time has arrived.
Everyday has been painful but not today.
I don’t feel the unforgettable pain of my insides failing one at a time.
They said the test would help.
They would cure.
But they lied, I’ve learned never to believe the one’s wearing white.
All the test did was worsen me, hair falling pass my eyes to the ground below,
And I could nothing but wait for my final hour.
I could only listen to the whispers of grief from those around.
Why do you stand around and watch me shrivel away!
Why is it all you do is hurt me, make me cry! 
Why! Please tell me why I have to go, I’m young I don’t want to go!
But my pain is slowly leaving me, no strength left to fight.
My body slowly flowing with happiness. 
I see old family waving and I relies my hour is up.
My hour is up as the line runs straight for all to know


Details | Free verse | |

The Black Abyss

Sinking in deeper,
No way to escape,
The dark and scary Reaper,
Fore told in the Book of Life.

Is this my end?
Will I ever see the light of day again?
No. My wounds, I must mend.
I must find my strength.

Stand my ground,
Face my fears.
Only then will my voice be found
I must survive.

Break the suffocating chains,
Run from the darkness.
Power will fill my veins.
I will Fight!

Fight the painful names,
The horrid memories,
The demented games 
And escape My Black Abyss.


Details | Free verse | |

working on myself

i'm working on myself
this may take a while
i should be searching for help
but i know how to fake a smile

they tell us to express ourselves,no swearing
walk arounf with my headphones blaring
grew up without a mum and dad
use my idols Eminem and Cristiano Ronaldo to clone parents

it's funny i used to find growing up in care embarrasing
like my parents don't want me,so who else will
then i realised life isn't a race it's a marathon
hide my insecurities,let them see my arrogance

think what you like,i don't care at all
learned to pick myself up
so a im not scared at all
this world can't beat me.unless i choose to self-destruct

i speak what others are scared to voice
my whole life leaving me paranoid
but i use my pain as encouragment
and i use the rain as nourishment

i'm me haven't got another side to show to you
yeah my past has left me a little emotional
trust no one.love no one.everyone is disposable
so i won't allow myself to get close to you

i've got a fear of love
people add tears,takeaway trust
then i'm left trying to clear my cuts
the heart you see here is shut

i'm not half the man i used to be
that's right.i'm twice the man
you expected me to hide and fall
i decided to fight and sand


Details | Free verse | |

Newtown

Please wake me up,
From this awful dream,
Sounds of carefree laughter,
Have suddenly become,
Horrifying screams.

Gunfire erupts,
In an unexpected place,
Bullets claiming victims,
While others rush out,
Terror etched upon their face.

Why did the hand of death,
Visit Newtown today,
Mowing down the innocent,
Whose only thoughts involved,
School and friends and play.


Why?  Will we ever know?


Details | Free verse | |

RAIN - Rape, Abuse, Incest Nonsense

The sun was out this morning
But soon the R.A.I.N came and erased any ray of hope I had left
It committed theft
Of my virginity
Flooded and damaged my fertility
R.A.I.N. drops were falling on my head
My secret garden became a water bed
And growing within it 
Was the clitoral swelling
That became a dwelling
For constant pain
And while Gene Kelly is singing in it
I’m crying from all the R.A.I.N.

I can’t stand these April showers
How can it bring May flowers?
But deflower me?  
What have I done to deserve
Falling victim to the second nature
Of a worthless soul
I guess not realizing the devil could be so bold

When it was all said and done
All I could see was the RED blood between my thighs
That I unwillingly sacrificed 
For the R.A.I.N. to stop
The ORANGE that represented my strength was slowly fading
The YELLOW became a brick road that I couldn’t ease on down
Because it was now blocked
I didn’t know how to get back to my sanity
I couldn’t see the GREEN in me that once represented my dreams
And like the BLUE in the oceans, skies and the heavens
I became distant
The INDIGO made me suddenly aware that 
I could no longer trust anyone.
All my shame and sorrow 
Was clad in VIOLET 
Bright enough for the world to see

Feelings of hopelessness and insecurities
Were trapped inside the rainbow
The R.A.I.N. left behind
No lucky charms or pots of gold
I beg for the R.A.I.N. to stay away
But no matter how much I pray
It continues to pour on unsuspecting souls


Details | Free verse | |

Losing Myself

I cry myself awake
In the middle of the day
Because of a decision I made
Not to spend time with you.
And now everything I am
Is falling apart into pieces;
I feel like I am losing you
Because I am losing myself.


Details | Free verse | |

Absence

Dark Hole!

There is a hole inside me I cannot fill
There is a void, a window if you will,
It is the absence of joy and pain
It is the stillness, a black and white stain,
Created by the passage of time
Created by the holes that you find,
In your heart from a sneak attack!
By someone who should of had your back
By someone who shoot you in the back,
I try in fact to patch this hole
I try but lack the tactics to meet this goal!
So I grow cold
So I grow old,
With this hole
In my soul!

RP.




Details | Free verse | |

Cold

I search for words
To describe this feeling...
After you told me
You hate me...

I remember when 
I went swimming in the ocean
One day in January...
Ice was curled in elaborate design
Of wind-blown swirls on the sand...
Snowflakes mixed with grains of sand
And bitter wind blew both into my face-
Sea foam blew across the beach
Like stray, sodden mushroom clouds
And the ocean waves were dark 
And angry...
It was so cold, this January...
But I wasn't scared.

That day, I had I thought of
The ocean in autumn;
When I swam last in autumn,
It was October, and the
Wind was harsh and strong;
Waves were wild with
The fresh memory of stormclouds,
So they crested high and broke hard
On the beach...
The sun hadn't shone that day either.
The water, when I dove into it,
Was cold, but warmer than the air-
Vicious to look at,
But under the surface of the waves
Still gentle as summer...
Familiar...
I had gone back in more than once
Just because I loved the feel,
The pull of the current, the raw energy
Of the water against my skin,
And I dove through waves again
And again...

I knew it would be worse this time,
A few months later
And so many degrees colder...
I almost decided not to do it
When I peeled off my coat, 
My shirt, my boots, pants, and socks...
The wind bit my skin hard, tearing
Into my warm body, and the gound,
Icy, was like bared teeth against the soles
Of my feet...
Too late to back out now.

So I ran, barefoot, over ice-ringed
Puddles of seawater and snow-flecked sand...
I reached the water, the first soft waves...
I was slowed by the foamy surf,
Which, only knee-deep, was a strong deterrent,
But then I was past it, and I dove...
That first, frigid, smack in the face
As the water closed over my head
Stole all heat, all memory of heat,
From my body all in an instant...
I surfaced gasping in shock,
Heart about to either stop or burst-
I'm still not sure which,
All I could think of was the cold...
It was so cold...
Colder than anything I've ever known...

I retreated clumsily-
I should have recoiled from the ground,
Stepping quickly and lightly
Over cruelly sharp grains of 
Equally mixed ice and sand,
But I could no longer feel the cold...
I could feel nothing...
Could think nothing...

When you told me you hate me...
It felt like that.


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Fine

I’m fine!!
No really…
Just fine!
No worries…
Go ahead
Just walk away…
See, I’m smiling

Sorry,
What’s that you said?
There is a pooling of red
Underneath my blouse?

Oh this?
It's nothing
It’s just
The blood trickling down
From the gash in my heart
That your words just made
A minute ago
Nothing really…
I’m fine!
Just walk on by!

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

Pandemic

I have a problem with ignorance they say that it’s bliss;
But when you are blinded, there’s a lot that you miss.
The screams are all muffled into some kind of silence;
Your mind is attracted to all types of violence.

You avoid the trauma of those in pain,
Start focusing on success and what you can gain.
Your vision is clouded with thoughts of envy and wealth.
You ignore the symptoms and the decrease in your health. 

You digest all of the toxins and they’ll say you’re insane;
All while the poison seeps into your brain. 
You are void of all conscious thought;
You think that you’re good but really you’re not.

The evil possesses you in all that you do,
You think you have faith but you haven’t gotten a clue. 
The demons take over and then you are at loss;
Answering not to yourself but another big boss. 

You’ll start longing for a saving grace,
From up above or outer space.
An entity to save your soul-
To take away your sinful goal. 


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye, Farewell

Goodbye, farewell There is a time for everything But time for me has drawn its wings back away Leaving me to the sad hellos of today Do I wish to embellish in the sounds of your pain? Or will I take the back way into town to seek the reigns? Tension like ice crackles at the sound of departure Sometimes leaving it alone is harder I never expressed the selfish growths of my pride I am sickened in darkness, stuck in this mind Where is the heart when one needs the goodbye? Where is the mind when I break down and cry? Goodbye, farewell I never amounted to much Though I was granted everything My wings are folded too tightly with time The meat is tucked beneath and only I feed On the breadth of my own luscious nourishment Will I crush you with indifference? Silently beat you with fervent fury? Will I flood with tears of inward emotion? The sick selfishness one masks as devotion! Heat melts away the ice Replaced by tethered spite Goodbye, farewell! Before the night sweeps you away I never will cherish this today I will let the time dive into the abyss With the greetings and salutations one will never miss I will ride into the fiery skies with no care but my own Landing in turbulent waters in winds that moan There is a reason but it is unknown And that is how it will always be Can’t you see this is good for you? This is the only way—I fear for you Abandonment is only an emotion So, goodbye, farewell


Details | Free verse | |

Tear Infested World

My mind, sophisticated yet so empty at times Leaving me lost during hours of missing dreams You don’t believe in me, thus I’m barren No landscape do I have within my intrigue I lose my heart words when you listen intently Trying to identify the meaning of my craft No hills, no valleys, not even a forest exists Just emptiness within my dead brain, I’m hopeless You don’t desire to read any further inside me For I can’t express reality without insanity I must be crazy to find adequate words to say And even then, they are sputtered about Now you can’t see anything within me I trip over myself, whatever is left of me And you can’t find me anymore, I’m still lost And I wander around, looking for an answer Somewhere within the landscape, I’m blind Nothing is inside of me except white light Blinding you and keeping me trapped within Now the truth of this world at which I live in You won’t look for me, I’m lost, without hope I cannot handle the emotion, I cannot hold life Now you leave, as you had to do, and I nearly die A world of nothing of which I reside, I cry Now I lay down, numb, within the brightest light I lose all emotion, I become nothing here I don’t find any stimuli, I’m living death Nothing can change it, and you don’t care anymore I will always remain lost, in a tear infested world Russell Sivey Contest: INTO NIGHT'S DWELLING Sponsor: nette onclaud 1/1/2014


Details | Free verse | |

Sliding Down

I’m hoping for my dreams to become a reality
I’m hoping for a phase of gratitude
I’m rejecting my hopeless fate
I’m accepting your side of the story…but don’t intrude 

Unexpectedly, I believe in love in first sight
I grab the rope for extra support
It burns like a vertical line of fire
I’m unable to climb, but I seem too far from my desire 

I’m sliding down the rope, hanging from heaven 
They’re distraught by my absence
They’re cheering for me from down below
I’m sliding down… 

I cherish you like my own belongings
I designed you on my bedroom wall
I have you displayed deep in my heart
Believe me – you’ll never split it apart 

Every day I long for your touch – you changed my life around
My heart is blazing like the zealous sun…I prize my freedom and progress
The world is spinning endlessly as I kneel upon my knees 
And I imagine the memories we share with each other 

I’m sliding down the rope, hanging from heaven 
They’re distraught by my absence
They’re cheering for me from down below
I’m sliding down…

When I reflect upon the joyous times,
My heart never fails
To pound vigorously for you
I’m sliding down 
I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you 

I see the light in your eyes
I don’t see an insidious nature in you…
I wish I hadn't believed in the lies
I never felt like a hopeless victim until I gave in to the darkness 

I’m sliding down the rope, hanging from heaven 
They’re distraught by my absence
They’re cheering for me from down below
I’m sliding down…

I’m glad I've met you in the first place
We’re a perfect match – 
Don’t deny it…you made me feel handsome
We’re on the road of victory
We’re making great progress
We’re hanging on the edge,
But we were rescued 
From sliding down…

At least we’re kept ourselves alive……


Details | Free verse | |

The Beauty of the Dark

When the sky turns black
Memories keep on coming back
Silently the cold wind blows
As tears fall and flow.

You won't see me crying alone
For the darkness embraces my home
Finally I can see the beauty of the dark
For it knows how to cover my heart.


Details | Free verse | |

All Out of Heat

Brother, you been stacking it on
stick by stick, building me a fire.
Child by child, taught to build a pyre--
keep us warm, hide from the cold.
	
Stares of hell that face your soul
huff by huff, puff by puff
shutting down the wants for food,
shutting down the wants for love.

Here I am, clicking my fingers, 
where you used to click your lighter--
"Ha, ha", fireworks to the sky!
Burns me inside to see you clicked off.

No one home, no one feeding the babes
no one working, no one piling on the fire.
I don’t know if it makes me sick hot and cold.
Sick, is the truth, you’ve made me feel

                                                            ...you dead.

--after Just that Archaic Poet’s Playing with Fire


Details | Free verse | |

Cheated

A dark encounter- like a beautiful reflection in a cracked filthy mirror
This young man was exactly like myself
It filled me with pain 
I recognized our connection
I understood him wholly
I knew every blink
I knew every thought
I knew every hurt smile
I knew what it all meant
He spoke in a selfless manner- he spoke as if his mind had robbed my own
A thief in the depths of my soul
I know myself more honestly and deep then most others will ever admit
I’m don’t deny my most disturbing truths
I knew this young man better then he will ever know
Instantly I knew him 
- and my knowing
Filled me with sadness
He’ll never know I worried for him
Years later I caught news of him
By chance
A final report through an unlikely string of contacts
The story gave me chills
Filled me with sorrow
Forced me into deep contemplation and self reflection
He hadn’t survived
I wasn’t surprised
I’m still here, should I be? Have I somehow cheated somewhere along the line? 


Details | Free verse | |

Cliffhanger

Teetering on the edge 
staring into the darkness below 
the swirling emptiness 
reminds me of my soul 
a bottomless pit 
filled with hopes and dreams 
never to be reached 

and yet I dangle 
day after day 

I should have lept by now 
to discover new depths 
or to end old disappointments 
but like the punch drunk boxer 
whose pride refuses to quit 
and never intelligent enough 
to realize it is time 
I shall battle on 

yet it would be so easy 
to throw in the towel 
submit to uselessness 
to martyr myself 
but it is not my pain 
nor my suffering 
that approaches the edge 
it is yours 
and my desire to take it 
into the depths of my very soul........ 

I wish that I could sacrifice myself 
for the pain of the world, especially the children, 
but then I realized I am amongst the multitude.


Details | Free verse | |

MEN

MEN Some men approach clouds with effortless silence- infusing skies along the way, transmitting indigo bouquet Some men drain ducts dark juice from depths of fractured- bitter dining table, while I digest their poison © Kim van Breda—June 2014


Details | Free verse | |

Cabbage Patch Kids Of North Korea

     Cabbage Patch Kids Of North Korea

Most N. Koreans go to camp, Camp 22
365 days a year they stay
Eat 1 head of cabbage every day forever
They don’t need sun or play they say
Work occupies them
Children turn in their parents for some bread
Watch them tortured 
When they die the children cry with joy
Wish they had more parents to sacrifice
To glorify the state for food
Cabbage is delicious with government approval 
All children born in Camp 22 are killed at once
I guess you could say that is not very nice or much fun
But cabbage patch kids who do survive
Are permitted to eat a kernel of corn
From cow manure and work inside till they die
No less no more
It is a game of attrition not nutrition
But who are we to criticize
Camp 22 will survive


Details | Free verse | |

Learning to live with it

I used to think the Pain
 
Would never
 
Go away
 
It was an unwanted
 
Part of me
 
Part of my bones
 
Part of my soul
 
I used to wish
 
That I would die
 
Not to stop living
 
But to stop hurting
 
My fragile world would
 
Threaten to fall
 
Apart
 
Each time I heard
 
“You’ll just have to learn  
 
To live with it”
 
But the amazing thing is that
 
I have -
 
And now
 
When the pain comes
 
It’s still a part of me
 
But it doesn’t control or
 
Define me
 
My soul wants to
 
Live now
 
And my world isn’t as
 
Threatening
 
As it
 
Used to
 
Be. 


Details | Free verse | |

Rescue Me

Everything around this feels so wrong,
Feeling as if this does not belong,

Feeling trapped inside a world that isn't for this,
Retreating within to the recesses of this mind full of bliss,

This feels like screaming but to let it out would not do,
The people would hear this and wonder to what is wrong with you,

Then to shield this so no one would understand,
Wandering the depths of mind of this barren empty land,

Alone and confined in and of this cold crystal heart,
How can this ever hope to help others when this is crumbling apart?


Details | Free verse | |

The Tidal Wave

The Tidal Wave

I saw a tidal wave come in,
Raging winds and fierce water
Rushed,
Took the houses, cars, trees,
Street signs, park benches,
Pictures of loved ones
(Poor baby Louie, 3 years old washed away)
And along with all the power
It tore my heart out of my cage
And swept it out to the 
Endless seas,
And the great white sharks
Have their way with my heart.

Now bleeding and dying,
Pain follows me,
And I close my eyes,
And wish it all to be done.
Pray for me, I want pain no more.
See tears fall from the corners of my eyes,
As I breathe in and feel no heartbeat.
And they all look at me,
Faces of nomads and they snicker
At me,
I hang my head and cry tears,
But the tears were washed
Away in the tidal wave,
So I sit there,
Eyes closed
And I sleep the night away.

-10/2/2013-


Details | Free verse | |

Lost Tears

I follow my own footsteps I bring life to its knees I then cry, I cry over her I collect my tears in a vial I jump into the air, so free In my dream I can do all I dream of everything pure She comes to me in my dreams My heart leaps of burning fire I reach the edge of the sea And there go my tears, downward I drop the vial in the water I start to return back home She’s gone, I don’t know why I wander through the yard Not knowing what to do I fall to the ground, my knees weak But no tears do I shed now She never returns to me I walk aimlessly many nights A bitter taste of those tears Still wash into my mouth The sea harbors many tears How do I get mine back So she will return to me Dreams leaked into reality I falter, I miss my step I no longer can fly now And my tears have dried up But my pain is real within me Where has she gone from me Why did she leave my heart For I have immense love for her To share even without tears If the mistress of the night Could discover my agony Maybe she’ll bless my soul And I might find my tears again
Russell Sivey


Details | Free verse | |

My renewed bucket list

holding the steering-wheel after a great day with friends touched by enriched with marvelous memories on the backseat a gift-filled hearted creel approaching a round a bout cheerful music pumped up not too loud the feeling of a sudden collision the sound of clashing cars the vision of crashed cars hardly an impact at first sight surfaces of steel undamaged internal fear and fright for a different side driving back in an unknown body holding on to a steering wheel and a navigation-voice hardly able to stay on track with lost rejoice experts talk and tell car's steel-bars need severe bending doors need wrenching a car almost a total loss experts talk and tell driver's spine and neck need severe bending and wrenching shoulders are dismayed a body damaged but not a total loss chained since the momentum and its echo of the clash a minimized world resonates every single day in an overriding way holding on to a new bucket list minimized by fate's unexpected cruel fist a wheel-clamped driver with a quartered back that ruffles and shuffles a shaken neck with loosened ends no longer a fence nor a defense for this new kind of pain drives me so often insane a short walk more than one little step too much and too far asking instead of doing stay put instead of going my own way forced to take each and every step one at the time fight and wait hardworker's sweat and another date with devil's lawyer until the day all will be fine again when I will defenitively walk with my dog my usual so familiar rounds on those earlier so nearby grounds I still miss so deeply ©Ellie Daphne


Details | Free verse | |

Hypocrite

I am a hypocrite and look what I just did:
I fell into my darkest pit; now, again, and again.
I thought that I was strong enough to live the truths I said;
Now I realized I'm much too weak; a fool too ashamed to raise his head.
God, please save me, please forgive me, and please give me strength. 
I love You.
I thank You.
I am forever changed.


Details | Free verse | |

Dancing with Despair

I have danced while music played,
and smiled, although despairingly,
through tears at smiles not meant for me.
My soft eyes, though brown and drab,
have strived to glitter, with scant success,
as others shone bright, emitting light
beneath their lashes, lush and long.
While I lurched in crazy drunken spirals,
others, precise, performed their pirouettes
and slid across the polished floor
and smiled and laughed and more:
completely at their ease.
What terminal disease decrees
despair my partner in this dance?
Is there no chance to sit the music out,
a listener, discrete, devout?
While others whirl and dip, I slide and slip.
Must I be a half-a-pair with stumbling feet,
inept novice, graceless lout who, led about,
never has an easy air dancing with despair?


Details | Free verse | |

I Wasn't Worth It

I guess I should stop wasting my breath
Considering how little I have left
And considering I gave every breath I had to you 
And I still wasn’t good enough.

Maybe I am stupid and a waste of space
Well then thanks for being honest
And thanks for taking everything I had
I guess I should learn not to pawn it.

You put me down and drag me ‘round
Through the same obstacle course
I’ve hit every snag and bump 
And now my voice growing horse,
I say to you:
You didn’t think I was worth it. 
You told me so.

I wasn’t worth your time or anything
Well then why did you have to lie? 
You could’ve saved me the heartache
And told me I wasn’t worth it from the start
It’d save a few tears but I’d still cry. 

You told me, in your own words.
None of this was worth it
If I wasn’t worth an hour, then what am I worth? 
I was worth nothing, while to me you were my earth.


I thought you were so much better than me 
And I worshiped you and the ground you walked on
When you let me in, I wanted to stay so desperately 
But maybe you were a coward who didn’t want to risk your heart
So maybe I should learn to be more like you.
And then maybe I’d be worth it. 
Just know I'll never run out of words to say to you.


Details | Free verse | |

Dark Wood of Error

Hounds of perdition hold their course
Torment dripping from their fangs
Hypersonic howls of the chase
Dance around the broken halls
 
Rage of the damned swirls around
I am out of their grasp
Pleading eyes blind me to their wrath
Cold hands brush my shoulders
 
Denied Providence
All of us forgotten
Our loved ones cannot know
We eat each other instead
 
Shrugging reality and cursing fates
Denial is a sharp tool
Our minds would shatter at the contemplation
Cold realization that we cannot be loved below
 
By what twisted luck
Am I to wander?
Shivering naked and skeleton thin
Curved necks vex the black skies
 
Toil and torment; plague and dismay
Who boldly gave us life
Built us up with dreams
To only be torn so low
 
I alone must escape the trodden path
Envious souls curse my name
Pouring on their sneering gaze
As my escape hastens
 
Hounds of perdition
Dogs of a ruthless master
Sinews and rotten muscles pulsing
Barren heels feel their heat
 
Unchained and unfettered
Pursing the end of loneliness
Images of a warm hand caressing
Fuel for my run
 
To be held again
Comforting sounds and placations
Bitter reminders of the living platitudes
Fear spurns in my emaciated form
 
Across the dark wood of error
Burled trees scraping my legs
Cacophony of snarling howls
Grinning fangs burrow at my back
 
Ahead through the black mist
Shimmering light calls me forward
I feel the echo of warmth once more
Frozen tears etch my face
 
There can be no escape
Fate is infinite and unmoving
Trapped by the hounds
Relentless in their goal
 
Gnarled branches overhang
Reaching to find safety
The barren tree is to be my home
Empty limbs far above the hounds
 
Trapped between the worlds
In the dark wood of error
Echoing the heat of Providence and the moans of the damned
Watching the hounds circle…circle…circle


Details | Free verse | |

Protect Me As I Sleep

Nobody 
Knows my real name
‘Angel’ 
Is what I go by
I am freezing cold
I don’t have money
Just, the clothes on my back
I am a walking wardrobe
I am lonely
I smell like crap
I am starving hungry
I can’t find any shelter
My clothes are drenched
I look like a drowned rat!
Violence
Upon women
Is classed normal
Around here!
I wonder...
If
I will survive
Another day?
Only
To wake up
And
Do this
All over, again!
“Protect me tonight
As,I lay my head to rest”
“I love you, dear God”

“Goodnight”


Details | Free verse | |

Found

Time … to open
My eyes…
Time … to finally realize
I am the monster … glazed in guise
Time … to take responsibility
Of your slow demise
Of your haunting, screaming, aching unconditional agony
Time … has stopped
I am horrible
Hyperventilating, breaking…
Crying—smiling, faking 
Time … to see where the snake slithers tonight
Smirking in its venom of spite
To see myself crawl in its loosened skin
And become one with its kin
The slits of his eyes frighten me
But I welcome his sick visions
Who made these sticky decisions?
Time … to do something
To help you—to break me to pieces
I am the slime where you have broken through…so revolting
Time … to shake the sand away
To relieve the burning eyes from the blindness
Time to dip them in the cool water of action
Time …
To close up again
I wimper in the dark like a lost hound..

I am so afraid
Lost … but always found


Details | Free verse | |

Diagnosis

The doctor has examined the patient 
And the diagnosis is clear 
Terminal!
For the patient 
A horrible death I fear 

I am not one for the continued suffering of the patient 
The condition will only get worse 
Day by day and year-by-year 
And will increase as the end comes near 

This disease unfortunately 
Has no cure 
It not a virus or a germ 
But something old and pure 

Its existence has been known 
And continues to endure 
Attempts at a solution 
Have been met with confusion

We have tried for a long time 
To relieve the patient’s pain 
Only to have our efforts 
Die in vain 

The patient you see won’t survive 
But the evil that inflicts him 
Will continue to thrive 

Our solution both radical and insane 
Will offer comfort and remove the pain 

Kill the patient and all the cells 
And the evil will no longer 
Have a home to dwell 

The world can no longer sustain the infection 
It can no longer support the evil deeds of man 
It will soon be time for the patient to be cured 
Through the Resurrection 

Eric (and sometimes not)

 
 

 
 


Details | Free verse | |

The Human Seasons: Elements At War and Peace, Part II

                                                                  2,

Bourne loosely through the chill gusts,
Disordered fragments of summer's life go hurried by,
Harried to their last resting places
Into piles of brittle, browning drifts
Scattered on the stiffening ground.
A cold sun, coursing ever more briefly
Across these hard, blue-white skies,
Presides above a sleeping landscape steeped in dying hues,
The last fanfare of the greens of life
Draining now into  starkness
As nature sheds her flesh and slows
To pose in cold stillness between her cycles
Of life and death,
Waiting, as winter's uncertain, barren bride.

In the house where the anger rang against the walls
The red thoughts of their minds have burnt away
To leave behind that sour feeling
That sinks to sorrow
Now that pride has stepped in to break the bridges
Of charity they might have built back to one another.

Between them those virtues which bind us all together,
The formalities and incidents
The long parade of small things that make up a shared life,
Go on together as always, in smooth procession day to day
The image of harmony exists,
Though not its substance.
They know from this the weight of the awkward silences
Falling between them now and again
Dropping like stones into the deepening pools
Of unspoken discontents forming in their hearts;
The ripples of sadness climbing in widening rings
To skim the surfaces of their speech
As the breezes blown down through the sapphire sky
Tear the detritus of summer's corpse from its enfeebled moorings
And fling the bits of yesterday's blazing beauty
Into pell-mell drifts against foundations and sills,
As spark-scattered frosts gather more thickly
With every lengthening night.


Details | Free verse | |

The Snowy Life of Two Loving Ghosts

Taking suggestions especially on this poem. This is a first draft and I like it, but I don't have time to edit at the moment. Thank you!
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The two ghosts dance through the barren forrest,
leaving footsteps to be pondered about
by the man who owns the land in the morning.
Howls and Screams and Laughter and Love
fill the dewy dark sky.
The two, lovers in death,
never knowing of the truth,
that their lives were taken
Snowfalls before,
being murdered in these woods,
their throat slits and their bodies mutilated,
No one knew who they were.

But here they are again,
running through the spindly trees,
taking in the scenes of their
eternal winter.
He takes her hand,
leading her to an opening in the trees,
a perfect circle, no light insight
but the stars above,
so beautiful,
so prominent.
Theres not a place in this town
better than this
to see the future amongst the stars.

They came here that day,
tent in one hand,
telescope in the other;
their thoughts in the air.
They were seventeen,
Seniors awaiting the approval
of a diploma,
They should be studying,
mid-terms next week.
They took a fatal break,
spent the night together,
only belonging to each other.

The ghosts;
who's sight doesn't recognize
the spot of their demise. 
They sit on top of a large smooth stone,
Left their by the world in it's hurry.
They gaze upon the stars,
waiting for the world to reveal itself.
The screams and wails and love still permeate the air.

They fell asleep in each others arms,
and so they never heard the footsteps,
the drunken laughs of men full of sin,
ready for some action.
They found the tent,
they killed the innocent souls,
but instead of leaving they bodies,
they left the ghosts,
taking the bodies and
depositing them in the freezing lake.
They then sat upon the rock,
laughing about the deed done,
passing out in the deadfall of snow.

The transparent lovers jump to the snow,
throwing themselves down to sleep the night away.
They cuddle,
protecting each other from the snow,
the danger,
the truth.
The smile,
and with one last scream,
they kiss,
disappearing,
merging with the snow,
Part of the world,
and this spot full of false truths.

No longer do lively bodies wander about the woods,
and the owner hardly visits.
But a few times each winter,
when the snow has fallen so deep,
You can hear the screams,
the howls, 
the laughter
and the love
of two ghosts
dancing in the snow.


Details | Free verse | |

The Forging of a Blade

When forging a blade,
A swordsmith would
Place a rod of metal
Into the fire until
It had softened, then
Fold it in on itself,
Over and over,
Each time making
It stronger-
This is how metal
Becomes a sword...
Becomes something
Able to kill.

When I fell in love...
I thought he must be
Breaking my heart, 
Over and over-
Until I realized he
Was forging it,
Like a sword;
He folded my love
In on itself,
Each time making
Me stronger-
This is how I
Became his...
Became someone
Able to love him.

Thus by fire, and by love,
We fashion our tools of violence.


Details | Free verse | |

Something Lost

For the first time in seven and a half years You truly disappointed me For the first time in seven and a half years I wasn't proud of you And today you discovered that you Didn't have the ally in me, You perhaps always thought you had Today we both lost something Today we both lost that belief in each other And I cannot help but feel That things between us Will never ever be quite the same again


Details | Free verse | |

Losing Grip

Future held such initial promise
But shallow dreams disintegrated
Coalescing into shallower reality

Despite my youth, pain cripples me to geriatric apathy
General interest long gone, death has become the single concern
A welcome embrace, a welcome friend
Tardiness is expected, as well as encouraged

Release me from these eternally shrinking walls
Allow the peons to continue their superficial pursuits
Never meshing well into the fold, I yearn simply for permanent isolation
There is not enough joy to justify the agony that life forever guarantees me

Nihilism and anger, desires for maniacal retribution, the only feelings I've ever known
Clouded over now by perpetual physical torment, my formerly hollow shell continues to exist without capacity for optimism
Yet without hate, there seems nothing left
Shall I forever be adrift?


Details | Free verse | |

I Finally Understand Why

All those times that i got hurt
It seemed like i was destined to be alone...
It seemed like i would never be happy...
I would always get hurt...
I finally understand why...

All those times i cried myself to sleep...
It seemed like noone cared...
It felt like i would always be alone...
I never seen a future with anyone...
I always wanted one but didnt see it...

I couldnt see a light at the end of the tunnel...
I just seen more and more pain...
I seen more hurt...
I finally understand why...

I remember the first day i saw you...
I felt this feeling inside of me that i never felt before...
My life got a lil bit brighter and i didnt even know your name...
I finally understand why...

I finally understand why it never worked out with anyone else...
I finally understand why i never seen a future with them...
I finally understand why my world got brighter the day i first saw you...
I finally understand that feeling i felt inside...

It never worked cause i was meant for you not them...
I didnt see a future with them cause my future is with you...
My world got brighter cause i found my soul mate...
That feeling i felt inside was the feeling of true love...

You are my future 
My light at the end of the tunnel 
My soul mate
You are my princess


Details | Free verse | |

awake from a dream

My hands loose
on the wheel
Darkness in sight
                The road invisible
lanes imaginery, 
conscious heavy

As the road ends 
so does my touch
                My skin bleeds as
my mind rises
A fury of sounds 
distort my screams
I struggle 
I fight



Helpless
I glide into the darkness
Begging and pleading...
Crying out to stay
As I vanish
into the night


Details | Free verse | |

Pain

Lord, take this pain away,
I can't take it any longer,
I thought You said,
All this would make me stronger.
You forgot to mention,
How much it would hurt,
It makes me want to scream,
Into my shirt.
Why do I have to
Go through this again?
It seems to me that
Pain always wins.
Is this a punishment,
If it is, what did I do?
When will the pain,
Ever be through?
Will You ever see a smile,
Appear on my face,
When will I leave,
This painful place?


Details | Free verse | |

Snail Paced

Lost, empty, dead inside— All typical words of irrational despair Cradled lust Wandering in a foreign land, Dazed and disoriented Crushed and soured in youthful wisdom I wish I had hung on longer… Daisies in the sunlight Him, behind her The most beautifully shaped smile I have ever seen So glad it was all captured in that one photograph Snails crawl down the pavement Trust loses its glamour I am desperate to crawl away from the slime of deception The very slime that I leave behind… Evil overtakes the weak-minded The strong look on, glad it is not them Gargoyles grin in happy anguish Sin is pride There is no room to be the devil’s advocate I cannot be singled out of the sorry crowd anymore I cannot even gather enough thought to write My wings are so wounded, I cannot even bare to think of the possibility of flying So worried, so sad, words largely overlooked So many layers and so many ideas overlooked, Always thought of, but never written down Never coming to light Your dimples make me cry… I am so exhausted I wish to sleep forever My fingers are sore, my pencil is purple I feel like time is losing its meaning It is losing its power among the majority of maggots The wristwatch is pinching me And the hands on the sad clock with Roman Numerals have stopped Maybe the battery has died Mine has not, and yet I am not moving very fast There is no progress here It has been more than five years now Since the day I looked into those green suns of eyes Too long for my liking I would rather feel the darkness, be the darkness But instead I am gray, boring and dull The fact that not one truly cares Does not bother me as much as the smile The smile so far away Alice in Wonderland Caught in a cold, wishing myself better I overwhelm myself to faerie dust Welcome dreams…welcome rest


Details | Free verse | |

Memories Made

The coldest white had fell
Surrounding all the feet of those behind
The day turned into hours
Just in the mind
Did the gift appear in night?
Or were dreams reality?
Did it come from karma’s hands?
It drifts from sanity

The trek towards that happy place
You’ve been there many times
Something was different now
It held a horrible surprise
The box wasn’t full of life and sound
The ashes of memories made were here
Taking longer to twist the knife
Left remains of a child now in tears

Standing still you couldn’t breath
Excuses flying in your mind
Trying to figure out the scene
Hoping there’s time
You look up to see
Expectant eyes for the last time
You wish you could keep
But it’s the saddest of a smile 


Details | Free verse | |

Hear Me

Hear me hear my heart beating hear the words i'm saying as you say goodbye See me see my smile faking see my hands shaking as i look away Know me know the pain im feeling know my heart is breaking as you walk away Love me love me every single day love all the pain away as you never say goodbye


Details | Free verse | |

Our Divine Haven

This town was the place we used to call our haven 
You don’t remember which road we’ve driven on 
The stars were shining against your cherished soul 
You’re a part of my belongings 
You’re ascending above the ground 
The peace is still like hidden treasure – it’s bound to be found

I believe in you…I put my faith in you
After the miracles you’ve performed 
You don’t agree with what you truly are 
The sky is grieving 
You jump from puddle to puddle
You’re struggling to meet your destiny  
Even if your body is saturated in sweat
You must keep your head above the sea

Follow me and I’ll lead you to divine haven 
Forgive the past that embraces you with remorse and think upon our jubilant future
It’s tempting to just give up and turn around 
I could tell you've been stressing out 
But rest your head on my shoulders and let loose your strain on me  

Each melody is an exquisite sound that bounces into our ears
Commotion and strife will cease and your heart will be free
We’ll flee  together…despite the unwholesome weather 
The voyage has just begun…hold my hand and we’ll rise like the sun
Trust me…we will be strengthened and well-equipped before we take that road of victory  

Follow me and I’ll lead you to divine haven 
Forgive the past that embraces you with remorse and think upon our jubilant future
It’s tempting to just give up and turn around 
You’d rather be drifting away and never be seen again 
I wanna change your mind and erase your frown
Take your mind off of the distressful past
Let loose your strain on me  

Hey! I know you’re stronger than you realize
You’re not a failure – don’t be disheartened  
Don’t worry…you and I will earn our future prize 
This mess will clear up in a moment
Just stay by my side and never depart 
From the light… I promise that we’ll endure till the end
Just stay nearby and our hope won’t tear apart
We are willing to do anything to attain our wishes and delight  
Let’s take action and snatch our glory before our time is up 

Follow me and I’ll lead you to divine haven 
Forgive the past that embraces you with remorse and think upon our jubilant future
It’s tempting to just give up and turn around 
You've been trying to keep a steady pace 
But rest your head on my shoulders and let loose your strain on me

Let loose your stress on me…
Don’t be under pressure
Let me handle your anxiety…
Reach towards our divine haven
Do you need a helping hand? 

I wish you a carefree 
Future


Details | Free verse | |

The Pain That Traveled Around the World

We share in the sadness.
This unimaginable pain.
Children are not suppose to be taken away.
The school yard is silent
Where has the laughter gone?
The echo of angished spirits crying out to the Heaven
So much has been lost 
First dances
Kisses, hugs
Graduations, Proms
Weddings, grandchildren, future generations lost.
What Gifts will we never see?
Innocence has been snatched from our grasp.
Will we ever be the same?
It is not possible!
Their deaths can not be avenged.
No sense can be made of the senseless.
We cling to our children 
Try to comfort them
Will the victims have any comfort?
Will the World's tears console them?
Will their loss have been in vain?
Lock away the Guns
Change the way we think!
Our rights are secondary to the lives of our children.
Is not one life worth more than our right to bear Arms?
We can decide.
What choice will we make?



Details | Free verse | |

Pain

I used to think the Pain 
Would never 
Go away
It was an unwanted 
Part of me
Part of my bones
Part of my soul
I used to wish 
That I would die
Not to stop living
But to stop hurting
My fragile world would 
Threaten to fall 
Apart
Each time I heard
“You’ll just have to learn  
To live with it”
But the amazing thing is that 
I have -
And now 
When the pain comes
It’s still a part of me
But it doesn’t control or
Define me
My soul wants to 
Live now
And my world isn’t as 
Threatening 
As it 
Used to 
Be.  


Details | Free verse | |

A Half Life or Radiocarbon Dating

When the carbon -14 is gone from your bones,
And nothing remains but a hull,
I’ll still hold your taste in my dry, empty jaw,
Having etched AHM in my skull
As the sun will not shine
And my heart will decay
No more will an N
Feel the sweet cosmic rays
Until all I can do is play along, quiet
As all that I say will be wrong, or defiant
Every chemical taken,
In hopes they might calm me,
Become but an agent,
To embalm and prolong the - wait
I can't wait for the times when I'll see you again,
Though, each time I'll be secretly flooded with pain
A Gala, Penelope, Laurie, a muse
And all of this, a cold fuse


Details | Free verse | |

The Moment Slipped Away

Falling in love is hard to do, but when I'm with you it seems so easy.
Loving you was better then a kiss.
Loving you was better then a slit wrist.
We laughed, we played we ever cried some too.
The time passed so fast, yet I ended up empty handed.
The moment slipped away and I fell on my face.

We had a fight and my depression got worse.
We cried and yelled to end up with nothing lost. 
You said so many hurtful things, and you think you can take them back so easily?
Punches were thrown, bodies were broken and that small moment slipped away.

The tears I cried soaked up the pain that wrenched in my heart.
The pain once hurt, yet now it's gone.
You picked me up and spun me around.
You put on that fake smile.
You laughed at my pain, you evil lover.
I laughed as I finally saw your true fatal colors.
That final moment slipped away.

-Kallie Mason


Details | Free verse | |

teardrops

All the years that we have spent
have brought us to this place
I cast my lonely eyes around
and all they see is empty space.


The tears they gently fill my eyes
like salty dew drops start to fall
they spill and trickle down my cheek
like the morning dew, that trickles 
down, the leaf that turns itself 
upto the early morning sun


I cant explain this pain inside
like someones plunged a knife inside,
to try and take my life from  me
this pain i feel is hard to bear
i feel i want to turn and run

I want my life to be so calm,
for me to be at peace,and know 
I did my very best to try and make it work
I want to feel at ease with life
to take it all in my stride

but,Im sad,and calm eludes
and all I feel is empty and lost.
I long for his arms to wrap around me
and whisper things will be ok
to lay my head against his chest 
and hear the soft thump of his heart

The heart that holds our lives in its hands




Details | Free verse | |

A Prayer For Healing

Father,
Do not let me be the demon I have created me to be.
I am the product of myself and my negativity.
I trust You.
I love You.
I thank You.
In Your name,
We pray,
Amen.


Details | Free verse | |

Hunger Spot

                                 Hunger Spot

Hunger is usually done alone, in the dirty card board box, called home
On wet, cut corners out of traffic, forever in unguarded dark
Winds, harsh voices, howling on hollow self and scene are what remain
The food is gone, never to return
Hunger; it reminds you of life, of chronic pain, leaving little else
I tried to eat my shoe today, thinking it was leather…It was not
Plastics should come in assorted varied flavors
To see me through the night
I expect things to get better in my box
If not, there is always hunger to fill this empty spot


Revised 11/03/14 for- "Any Poem 12- line MAX"- Poetry Contest


Details | Free verse | |

Invisible ailment

I despise you every day  
Pills needed to make pain go away
Tried so many to help me through
A pain free day, impossible that's true.

Patches,nerve blocks,try Botox
Acupressure, acupuncture, re-adjust
Ice and heat, new pills this week
Go down on one, go up, don't peak.

Withdrawals from one, effects from another
Lost another week, I want my mother,
Comfort, understanding someone to care
Lost so many, no comfort there. 

Dependance is not addiction
Explaining those differences causes friction
Making others understand
I need support, just lend a hand.

Living each day in chronic pain
Is no life, at times insane.
I wish one pill will end this drama
That all began from surgical trauma. 

Lowered, changed, done what I should
Educated myself learned everything I could
To find what helps relieve my pain
Because I want to live again

Living a life in chronic pain
Hell on earth minus flame
Having a problem invisible to see
Causes judgement, scorn, jealousy

People think it a sham
Never try to understand
Can't understand when not in sight
Explaining illness is my plight. 

What I would give to live pain free
No need of medicines to carry me
Miracles happen I'm told its true
If selfish oh well, My life, not you. 















Details | Free verse | |

One hour to die

One hour to live, one hour to die
One hour glass there, counting my time
Breathing becomes harder as I’m stuck in this box
Four walls around me; there’s no hole in this wall
Air becomes less, just because of this dress
What am I wearing? Why am I dressed as a doll?
Looked in the mirror; I look like a toy
Face filled with make up; heart filled with fright
There he comes, the evil, brutal beast
Coming to make me suffer; coming to take my life
He stabbed a spindle in my stomach
He stabbed a spindle in my heart
He stabbed and stabbed like if he’s hungry
Quenching his thirst with murder and blood
One hour to live, that hour is gone
An hour glass was counting; it just ran out of sand
There’s no point in trying, there’s no way to survive
There’s no reason to be joyful; there’s no reason to rejoice
There’s only pain within my heart
But relief shall come at the touch of death



By Julie Alcin


Details | Free verse | |

Fractured Souls

O Mighty Atlantic…
 What is this fascination which I have with you?
Could it be a part of me your lays trapped somewhere in midst?
You are like an old confidant with countless secrets you hold!
There’s an ancient one which haunts me today, and you guard it well…
Like the miles of warehouses, hidden within your belly
Where spirits of my ebony ancestors lie, shackled in rusted chains
Never again to see the rising sun?!

I know not why this had to be
And do I dare to ask God, Why? 
So, I wait; for in time all will be revealed.
The centuries march on; they’ve left behind the invisible scars
Broken spirits, lost and weary, walk an unforgiving earth,
Carrying within fractured souls the abject pain of ancestral spirits 
Separated by the gulf of time and buried, frozen in the deep.

Do you still hear the sounds of terror mingled with mournful groans;
The piercing wails of vibrant girls; and young men’s angry roars?
Do you hear the soft murmurs of young mothers comforting a child?!
Was their agony so bitter that you could not console?!
Do you recall the sound of each one’s last, labored breath?!...
I hear their screams and groans; their piteous pleas and angry roars
Echoed by wild winds and crashing waves on dark, stormy nights!  

I have felt the cold and dismal pain that “waters” hate,
A dark, heavy cloak which broken spirits don. 
We survived the middle passage and "seem" free; 
But we know that a mortally wounded spirit cannot fly! 
And though rusty chains no longer hold, spirits are held fast in place!
Where are our eyes?  Give us eyes!
Father, give us new eyes so we will see!
~*~


Details | Free verse | |

Branded Soul

Judgement day is every day when you're trying to survive in a decent way. Clean up your life and move away, to a new playground for the kids to play. It's an Oreo cookie way of life, broader than black and white. Trying to break to the surface to see the light, but you keep getting suppressed.. it takes all your fight.

Drop out came a long way.. From counting stacks of 3 to a GED. On the outside mamma's so proud of me. But inside she's scared she don't want to see me take another fall, slip up and lose it all. X'ed up, punching holes in the wall. She's cautious for my life, she cries: "I wish you could see it through my eyes".

Accidentally got caught up in the game and chase again. Never had let go, the past was still holding onto my hand. Slowly takes over, but you keep it undercover. Keep it on the low, thinking nobody's going to know. But somehow I stayed on top of it. Only slinging and drugging on the weekends and shit. Got through my Friday and played on payday. Dedicated worker specialized in crazy.

Then one I day my end started to begin. I changed my life and I traded it in.. For a camouflage uniform that covered the scars on my skin. I ended up losing my freedom, tied down with conflicting feelings. Gun in my hand, I was told to defend, the pain and the hell that I had abandoned. The bad guy in trusted boots, ripped myself from my roots. I planted my self far from the town I was raised in.

Kind of felt like I was betraying there trust, leaving my love for a life that's lust.
But then again.. I finally felt filled inside, alive. Maybe there was a reason I looked at my past, and wanted to run and hide. No longer scraping dough to get high. Now I see it again, that pride. The sparkle in mamma's eye. And for the first time it ain't a tear from fear. Can't plan ahead a god damn year. Now she has hope instead of dread, from that knock on the door saying: "Your little girl's dead."

I opened my eyes and I stopped listening. Closed my ears to the phrases of hustlers. "Act classy, you're a lady" was all they could muster. How did they think ladies could survive in these streets? Double standards of life, a game you'll never beat.

I lived how I wanted, they said it was no place for a girl. But once I shared what I had, it became our world. I found the "I" in family, once the pain killers got a hold of me. They kill the pain but bring the misery.  





Details | Free verse | |

Territory

Falling embers

Splintering lives and

Piercing memories

Rage begets rage.

Weeping mothers

Enraged brothers

Martyred fathers

Widowed sisters

Pushing ideologies

My way or no way

Twisted metal

Territorial markings

Of a beast.


Details | Free verse | |

The Hawk

The Hawk flys overhead
soaring everlasting in circles
around the poor field mice.

six o'clock.

The Red Sun is now parrallel
to the treeline in the West.
Six o'clock
Dinnertime.
The hawk dives down, like a speeding bullet
and snatches up a small mouse, who was walking
along the corroded barbwire fence,
with his sharpe and dangerous talans.

Six o'clock. Feeding time.
A lover is now gone from the world of field mice,
Just like that.
With the turn of a hand on a clock
Six o'clock.
With the rumble of a Hawk's empty stomach
now a fellow mouse is gone. Forever.

Sad, isn't it?


Details | Free verse | |

Lament of Scorn

No words to mend,
Hell's lack of moderation. 
No salve to cool, 
This fire’s damnation. 
No drink to drown, 
This love's dying thirst. 
No breeze to blow, 
Away this wretched curse. 
No passion to hold to, 
Through days so trying. 
No voice to scream 
But inside I'm dying!!


Details | Free verse | |

Should I Cry

The flame that lit my heart,
And then love, faint in death below.
Their voices no longer heard.
~ should I cry?

Yet, a brave despair has arrived.
Recurring death of trust,
Embittered. Circumscribed alone.
~ should I cry?

Tried to revive within me
The symphony of beautiful memories,
A song of an innocent soul. Failed.
~ should I cry?

...should I?










Details | Free verse | |

Pressure Front

I've got a headache
I left you in bed, feeling I was upset with you
And left the house without a goodbye
The city's miserable when the weather's grey
I see it in the postures of people on the sidewalks
There's tension in every face, neck and shoulder
From withstanding barometric weight
There must be more fights on days like these
People snapping at each other over the nothings
I'm mean when the atmosphere leans into me
I try to remember I don't feel this way
And rationally tell myself not to be cruel,
But I cannot be reasoned with when a storm's overhead
And I make it seem like it's your fault
That you've pushed me to be like this
I stew in a forecast of doom and gloom until it passes
And when the clouds finally disperse, the heaviness will lift
Sunshine will bring guilt and remorse over what I've been

And I'll apologize for how I am and we'll be happy again
At least while the sky’s clear


Details | Free verse | |

Sick

I'm sick of the lies you tell,
The loves you faked,
You blow me away with the pain you cause,
Theres too much confusion,
Too much stress,
The pain you cause,
Makes me want to put a bullet in my head,
Turn my thoughts away,
Make them go from you,
From the pain,
To a greater place,
Where you'd never lied,
I'd never blown myself away,
Where you never faked love,
Where I'd never fallen in love with wrong one.
I lost a great friend,
An even better love,
Over something that never was,
You'll never have me again,
Drop to your knees and ball,
i wont care,
Or head your call,
I am my own person,
I need you no more..


Details | Free verse | |

the past is gone

How I once soar 
wings not needed 
I could have walked through doors 
I think it was no trick of brain 
you had no aim
to harm or to tame 
lost now 
bottled pain 
fracture frame 
the hurt pours out 
heat of pain and numb collide 
inside what a fools game  


Details | Free verse | |

love hate love

i've been telling myself to stop
i've been trying hard to escape
i've been loving you all my life
but do you really care?

there's a  little piece of heaven, inside this hell with you
for only on those stolen moments 
i could say i own you. 
but it can't be like this forever
i can't always be a shock absorber.
i don't wanna feel empty again. 
everytime i come out of this little heaven..


i hate you.


Details | Free verse | |

Pawn

And so do I fall, and so do I fail,
Falling so deeply into this destructive void,
Nothing but ash and specs of dust that were once my brittle bones and scarred flesh.

To not know what is ahead,
How maddening! How so distraught have I seemingly become,
Forgotten myself as time has smoothed over me.

Tricky, sly fiend indeed; master and slave a like to us all.

Do I dare move forward into the uncertainty that is humanity and of such society?
So gut wrenching, thoughts filled of bile at what is.

As we all are from and are the same, yet tear limb by limb the essence of ourselves by one another in an endless state of bigotry and violence; so brightly are we bathed in evil.

So easy is it to see.

Miracles; perhaps shall they see fit to carry me away from the void that is, and from such temptation, as to live the rest of days in blissful, stagnant dreams.


Details | Free verse | |

Beloved Friend I Have Fallen

An angel, cradles me, in her motherly arms
I have fallen, I am venerable 
I told myself, I would not do this, no more
I have failed to keep my promise, to you
I have not stayed true
Tears flowing, as I smile, just, for you!
Remembering the times, when you cupped my face, in your hands
Your blue eyes, gazing into mine
Telling me with sincerity
‘I am the sunshine, that lights up your world, each day that dawns’
My heart aches, it rains with love, having fond memories of us
Wash me clean, being human, is challenging me!
Emotional bondage, creating blocks
I need to move on, you are dead and buried
Your time here, over
My heart struggling, accepting this reality
“Forgive me”
I pray to be free!
“I Love you, my beloved, friend”


Details | Free verse | |

The management of faith


Life is not always flat and fine
It’s a bumpy road, filled of rocks and dirt
Life is about serenity, waiting to be found
Finding the true meaning of this life

We are all the experts in making sins
At least, that is how we used to be
We are all the experts of feeling guilty
At least, that is how we should be	

Somebody asked me how to find faith?
I said, “I don’t know how, but I think I know how to gain faith.”

I think faith is larger than some written manuscripts 
Because of its impossibility to be seen, 
The power is revealed for us to feel
Faith is like a wave, always moving like a ripple

You don’t have to act or look like a saint 
Just to make sure that you are sufficient of faith
It’s not a guarantee that your life will be perfect
What’s inside your heart is the main issue 

Life is about finding the right path
So many directions, so many choices, so many disappointments
Things just don’t work right, it’s always wrong even it looks okay
Wine seems to know how recover your pain but it’s only for a night 
You’ll feel frail in the next day
I feel like hollow inside
This heart is burning, it’s sad and upsetting

So I jump in my car and drive hundreds of miles away
To find silence, to find loneliness 
I need to talk to my self and ease all the pain in my head
I know that there is always something better than tears 
A power to face all fears
Prayers are not only a flood of words of regrets and complains 
But it’s a tranquilizer to redeem our heart from hurting

Life is about the past we need to learn from
It’s about the present we need to manage
And about the future we need to arrange 


Details | Free verse | |

Reflections of Love

I need to heal and fast,
I can feel the time running out, all too soon.
But can't push myself out of the agony,
The threads of pain pull me back like a puppet.
 
I seem wrong to be grieving now, odd one!
Everybody else is no longer black,
Me, haven’t seen the sunlight for long;
The mansion, its corridors, the rooms  now my world.
 
The wound in my heart is still too fresh,
It forbids me from a sunset on the beach,
It forbids me from running or skipping,
It forbids me from laughter and joy...
 
In denial: they say but it's not all true, I accept
I know he is dead, He is no more
But do I dump him in my past and move on?
The thought makes me hate myself!
 
He would want you to smile again, live further..
Strangers tell me his likes and wants, the know-it-alls.
I look straight ahead and avoid their prying eyes
It’s a losing battle, I know but let me lose in grace...
 
Visitors keep pouring in, with flowers and tears.
He was a man loved by many, the crowd proves it,
Everybody seems shocked and pale but not as lost as me
I glide along the windows, reliving the shadow of memories...
 
The moments were many, uncountable even,
It crushes my soul to think, they are all I have,
I see his fingerprints on the window panes,
I search for mine too, just beside him they lay...
 
The garden is being watered, but by a strange hand
The plants understand the master is now below them, 
He will never enjoy their colors or drive away moths
His ashes and scent scattered around the mango tree..
 
I smile at the garden then burst out laughing,
Before I know, warm tears run down my nose
But there still lingers a smile, wet with glistening tears
I am happy he lived, he lived full and more...


Details | Free verse | |

To You

I do not believe anything hurts more then giving your heart to someone who never gave it to you..
Man is insensitive to the plight and pain of others, twisting poems of fun and lyrics to hurt,
All it does is lead others to strike back with the pain you left them with...
Intolerance of becoming a doormat to be walked on further,
Do you speak your pain or do you hold it in to fester?
Some do not even respect the word rare, or unique,
Toss around words like soul mate....
Only to be crushed alongside with a troop.


Details | Free verse | |

The Tyrant

The Tyrant

How cruel is love:

That it might entice a statue ,
Then forsake it when it move.

That it might crown a man Emperor, 
Then banish him from his kingdom.

That it might deliver a man from the gallows,
Only to have him murdered by its own hand.

Oy vey, Of all the tyrants known to man,
There is none crueller then unrequited love.  
 


Details | Free verse | |

Where Are You When I Need You

Don’t pretend to understand me
When your frustration and anger, comes first
Don’t pretend to nod and listen
When all you hear, is what you want
You treat me as if I am a brainless idiot!
Blaming me because I don’t agree with you
Because I won’t let you control me
I am a big girl living an independent life
So, don’t pretend to know how I feel
When you only believe the lies you convince yourself, I am

Don’t say you love me, when your ego takes precedence over my feelings
Dreaming of what you want us to be
Dreaming of me, from a far
Leaving me alone, to problem solve, on my own
I do this to show I care
To show you I am responsible
All I want is for us to be on the same page, sharing our love again
Laughing, kissing
I need your love and attentiveness
I need to feel your nurturing warmth
Instead of taking it away from me
Knowing my vulnerabilities
Deliberately hurting me
You told me you were my knight in shining armour
Where are you, when I need you?


Details | Free verse | |

Unstoppable


I am unstoppable.

I have stolen the serum.

And what’s more, I have stolen the clean version.

I am unstoppable.


It is all my fault.

He stole the serum that I created.

Now he will take over the world and it is all my fault.

He is unstoppable.


nobody else.

Too many people have been hurt.

This is between Us and Them, just us, nobody else.

He is unstoppable.


I have power.

I have international hackers.

I have split the serum among people to do my bidding.

I am unstoppable.


We have numbers.

We have the serum in our genes.

We have beaten time and impossibility before, against all odds.

We are unstoppable.


The war has begun.

Power versus Numbers.

Power always wins, but They have beaten impossibility before.

We will see who is truly unstoppable.


Details | Free verse | |

One more drink

I cannot stop missing  you 
I sit here night after night 
with the wine glass in hand 
the bottle half gone 
every day it takes a little more 
just to ease the nauseating pain 
your gone that is my reality 
there is nothing that I can say 
nothing that I can do 
your simply gone 
I hear the rumors every now and again 
and silently hope 
they are just that 
rumors
I dont think that I can handle 
any more blunt reality 
time has passed, 
they say time will heal all wounds 
yet I still hurt 
I hurt as much today 
as I did then 
I try to find ways 
just to cope with the pain 
I lose myself 
I get lost in the wine 
drunk with pain and sorrow 
friends have told me to let you go 
easier said then done 
I try to put on a great show 
cant let them see how damaged I really am 
so I smile and go through the motions 
of day to day life 
but when it is me 
and only me
 I let the tears fall like rain
and wait for the wine to take away the pain  




Details | Free verse | |

Sweet Lovely

Little love dance, petals aglow, all that I know is in that beautiful heart that I yearn to hold.
Sweet baby I pray. I pray and I pray that maybe one day you'll come my way.
Here I am, baby. Right here, by your side, do you see? I've been here quite awhile, my lovely, you've just been away.

But enough of me, how is your day? I see the sadness you hide so well. And yes, I see the smile that fills me with light. But, my dear, that light doesn't reach your eyes.

I can see the pain inside, the pain that you, my cherished, try and hide. The hardest thing isn't loving you, knowing you wont have me. The hardest thing is being able to see you so clearly, that pain, the lifelessness, and not being able to help you.

Reach, my love, reach...I'm here. I'll hold you awhile, let those tears dissappear.
That's my baby, and there's my smile. I'm glad you're going to be staying awhile..
I figure, that maybe if you do, I'll see you truly smile.


Details | Free verse | |

Aunt Dorothy Funeral

Aunt Dorothy Funeral
Written by Mel Brake

"And then, I will rise
nor more sorrow no more pain
and then I will rise when he calls my name.."

I thought about my nephew
at Aunt Dorothy's funeral
I wondered who would mourn for me
when I was loss

I watched as young people
ran out of the church
after viewing Aunt Dorothy's
white gold trimmed coffin

Who would be visibly
upset and be a fool for me

Besides the young do not
know how to handle the loss
of a loved one

My nephew called me
during her service
when I spoke to him
I thought he wanted something from me

But he said that he was calling me
because he remembered I was at the funeral

I  then broke down into a crying walk
I cried not for Aunt Dorothy

I cried for myself and my lost youth

I cried for my sister  because she lost her health
contracted Lupus in that same nursing home near the church 
Aunt Dorothy was eulogized in

I cried for my other sister who lost her mind
gave up her Baptist faith and  married a Jehovah Witness man
he was from that same neighborhood

I cried for my mother because she lost the love of her life
he would visit us in our home on 3850 Parrish street near the church
Aunt Dorothy was eulogized in

I cried for my big brother and  the lost  of our closeness
he worked in a machine shop in that same neighborhood  

He would take me downtown on the 40 bus
that still runs in that dilapidated neighborhood

I cried for the lost of $1000 that my other brother stole
Money that my mother and brother raised to send me
the first one in the family to go to college in that hell whole
of a neighborhood

I cried for the lost of my neighbor who was gay
and he had an operation to become a white woman
and married a white man who drove a Mercedes
But he moved out of that hell whole of a neighborhood

I cried for the young children who I befriended
who were lost themselves in that neighborhood
to drugs violence and prison and early childhood pregnancy

I cried for the older neighbors and friends who have also passed
I sat on the front porch and I would listen to the stories  they told about
how safe Philadelphia used to be when
 the neighborhoods looked after every child's safety

I cried and cried and cried
until I could not cry anymore
walking the streets of the neighborhood
that I grew up in what we called the Bottom

When I walked back to the church
the hearse had moved on with Aunt Dorothy
the family was gone
and the church doors were locked

I thought about Aunt Dorothy
and the passing of the torch
She was the matriarchy of the family and the Mother of the Church
what was her parting words and legacy
we suffered a great loss

Then she as an ancestor spoke

“If you loved me
keep my commandments”

“Love thy neighborhood and thy enemy
as you would love thyself”.






Details | Free verse | |

The Edge Of Darkness

The Edge Of Darkness

Standing at the edge of darkness
I wonder where the light is
No shadows
No stars
Not even the band of gold which follows a sunset
Before me there is simply nothing
Behind me everything I knew is gone
No longer existing even in my memory
There are no grays or blues
Not even differing shades of black
Sounds of screams
Shrieks of pain travel an eternity before they reach me
Yet, no matter how I strain I cannot see their source
Before long I sit on what I assume is rock
My senses trick me
Making me see things that are not there
Never were there
Yet, sitting in the total darkness I am content
There is no one to hurt me
No one to lie to me
No one to leave me
As far as I can tell pain and hurt is centuries away
Knowing that one thing
I can finally be happy just sitting in the dark


Details | Free verse | |

Last Goodbye

We laugh
Until we had to cry
We love
But no matter how we try
That you and I
Are not meant to be
We were the best 
But we will never be

I should know first
The way of being hurt
Though it only felt sometimes
But the pain here deep inside
Is burning to my soul

I miss your love everyday
Maybe our love will come back someday
That all I can do is hope and pray

Though this feeling has been past
Sad to say that our love was last

You and I crying our cry
Saying our last goodbye
With tears in our eyes

Now that you’re gone
Tell me where I’m going through?
Why we had to say goodbye

Is it over now?
Are we really over now?

You walked away into my life
I can’t believe could it be true
Is it the way we wanted
That you and me is end

But now its turn for our last goodbye
With so much pain in our eyes

A million miracles but never stop the pain
A part of pieces together again
You said our love is more than time
But somehow look where we are now

We walked away and saying goodbye
Its crazy because it’s breaking our heart
No words could ever say
This pain I feel is tearing me apart

Last goodbye, one last cry
I kiss you softly one last time
In my eyes you are the warm of the sun
In my heart you are the only one

Nobody could tell
That our love will last forever
But I’ll say goodbye, one last time
I love you Good bye 

Contest entry : Brokenness ( SKAT)


Details | Free verse | |

Asphyxia

I lay here alone
I close my eyes 
and I listen
there is nothing
not even the sound of my breath
the silence is so impervious and profuse
I am suffocating in your reticence
your muteness is congesting my lungs
my airways are constricting
in a panic my body begins to flail about
clawing and scratching in an attempt for survival
my exertion is desperate and in vain
for there is no bag to escape
nor a rope to loosen
I can not physically save myself
I gasp for a breath
but I fail
inhaling nothing but the emptyness of your quietude
PLEASE SAVE ME...
one word could extricate me
acknowledgement being my lifeline
a single tear trickles down my face
its hopeless
because in order to rescue me
you have to kill yourself


Details | Free verse | |

Nothing Left

Trying to move forward
But I'm stuck in reverse
So much pain
(Remains) in my life
Consuming me until
There is nothing left
But an empty shell
That was once myself


Details | Free verse | |

My thoughts of you

I think of you every day,
every second,
every minute,
every hour.

You caused my pain,
I feel like I will never love again.
You said you'd never leave,
but your not here,
you left me in the dark,
alone...

I miss you,
I need you,
I want us back.
but you left me
and your never coming back.

If I could go back in time,
I'd make it to were I never knew you,
My pain and suffering would disappear then.

I suffer everyday with the thought of how I lost you,
I know you don't care,
So I wonder,
Have you ever cared?
Was it all a lie?
Did you really love me?

All these thoughts run through my mind,
Every day,
Every second,
Every minute,
Every hour.

I wish I could just leave earth,
Go beyond the world,
Somewhere were my pain is no longer near.

I wish you would leave my mind...


Details | Free verse | |

While You Were Sleeping

While you were sleeping so peaceful 
An angel took you away
He said your life on earth 
Had reached its final day
The pain that you did suffer 
Will harm you never again
And though my heart does understand
My mind can’t comprehend

Each day I watched you suffer
Yet still you chose to pray 
Thanking God for grace and love
To live just one more day
How could a God ignore the plea
Of a soul he calls his own
Something I do not understand
For my flesh still wants you home

Today we return you to the ground
Your face I’ll see no more
I still do not understand 
But will not cry and moan
I know God’s will is perfect
And I am glad your pain is gone
While you were sleeping peaceful
An angel took you home


Details | Free verse | |

To sin against your lovers heart

Eyes burning with the oceans of the sky,
what have I done, why wont I die?
Heart aching with the brutality of the desert,
it should lay in tatters, I hate myself for the matter.
Cruelty done is cruelty deserved,
no longer shall my love be honored and revered.
Humbled down, I am a slave,
Begging for forgiveness, that shan't be gave.
Skin scorching with the heat of hast,
amendments taken without pain being erased. 
Evil jinn, desert fox, 
leave me now, leave me forgot.
Retribution, I have much to do,
But will I ever make it up to you?
Eyes burning with the pain of my heart,
what have I done to you, why wont I die and part.


Details | Free verse | |

Let the fate decide

Let the fate decide 
I write not knowing of what comes
Not realizing the facts
Am not ready for the pain that is on his way
On his way to let down many hopes
To injure many souls 
To stop the proud of one another
I am asking if God could give me a chance 
To prove that I am worth the victory 
To study more harder
To close the lights rarer 
To give the ones I love a hug 
To give them my pride, my tiredness 
My hope for another day to come
And I be the one 
My ears are hearing voices fighting 
For what is right or wrong 
I really wish 
If an angel could fall from the sky 
And remove my eternal pain 
And give me a life I could smile in 
Give me a name, to live with
Give me a tissue to wipe all my tears away 
To miss the love of my parents 
And they’re respect for one another
Would give me a reason to live each day with
To give me a reason to fight for 
If there was angel 
Who would do all this? 
Who would send God my Prayers? 
And send God my begs and hopes for forgiveness
I wish, wish simple word, hard to make 
 Hard to achieve,….
Will the angel send my prayers 
Send my begs 
Send my hopes of forgiveness
Give me the love, honor ,name ,and… the reason to fight , to live
This life that has no justice….


Details | Free verse | |

Life Worth Living

Dark is the hole to which I have fallen, misery and pain is my ultimate calling. 
Take me away from this place I am in to a world without pain on which I depend. 
High above the clouds I do fly, where all is forgotten at least for a while. 
Suddenly reality rushes back in and the hurts of the world are my only friend. 
So back to the demon who comforts my life and takes away all of my strife. 
Deeper and deeper I do fall, until I have built an impenetrable wall. 
Suddenly I wake from my dream in the night to a brilliant and piercing indelible light.
Hope comes to me like the rushing wind and soon my life is worth living again.

3/8/2013


Details | Free verse | |

my world, a stage


my world, a stage
All around me mere players
my father, hits to prove a disciplinarian
my mother, hits to prove her righteousness
my wife, hits her way to take sympathy 
my Son, shows sandals to my face 
my daughter, stays away by crisis
my colleagues, fond of branding me ignorant
the Society, exploits me to see their kids thrive
my mind damaged beyond recognition...
For I started believing the words of Shakespeare,
"All the World’s a stage",
Still my duties, my responsibilities I never fail, 
My objective,” being true before GOD” 
My skills I love, my career my wife,
My world is narrowing..
As long as my career is there,
I live enhancing it, I love doing that...
I could see myself improve in skills,
My love for myself gets a going…


Details | Free verse | |

Sad birthday



White celebration again,
With mothers and children
Juicing, fruiting campaign,
Tossing drinking Champaign,
Standing and sitting again
With singing and dancing domain
A thirtieth birthday bro!
No pain no gain again.

Lightening x-massing you see,
Prepared for months to be,
With touring and camping on sea,
Treeing disco lighting may be,
A thirtieth birthday bro!
No pain no gain again.

Facebooking, snapping no less,
Flashing shamming they do,
Drinking, eating careless,
Calamity obituary on due,
A thirtieth birth day bro
No pain no gain again. 

© Lucas Mkude, 07-01-2012 


Details | Free verse | |

When the Heart Bleeds

When the heart bleeds
The body is silent
The mind is mute
Unable to send healing agents
Coursing through the veins
To bring healing
The body waits…with baited breath
For an outer force to come to the rescue
To bind up the wound
And bring healing


When the body bleeds
The mind is quick to sends signals
That activate the life giving elements in the blood
To start the clotting process
To stop the vital flow
From ebbing away
And endangering life

Ah…ah….but when the heart bleeds
It beats a requiem without music or words
And the body mourns…
Helpless and torn
There is unearthly silence
Accompanied by tears
For the heart no one can rescue
No one can heal
Except the very one
Who made the heart bleed.

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

The Casualty

The officer’s whistle opened the door,
the pain of mortar did greet the damned
and I did nap with death in no man’s land.

In cold of night the stretcher did wake
 from peace to hell and burning pain.
These eyes will see the stars no more,
no comrades smile for me.
The darkness has won
for light has abandoned me
and my face is for others to see.

Am I alive? The pain agrees,
my hand can feel this fevered brow.
What will home think?
to only half a man
and will England still respect this man?

The sound of an angel, who talks with God,
a poor soul for sale,
could that be me?
And God condemns 
that I am not worthy,
for others deserve better
than half of me.

And in my darkness 
Opium’s womb enters my veins
the pain chased away by foetal claim,
while the music of war in shrapnel fragment
screams a tortured lament.
And youth will queue to die in vain
 among the ranks of nightingales reign.

These deities who tend this holy fodder
 grow distant with bloody rags.
My mind feels the heat of shrapnel’s breath,
the thought of box in foreign field
the feel of sun and breeze denied
and claustrophobia feeds my fear.
Lonely is the grave with no goodbye
and I do not want to die.

But god is my surgeon and he is beat,
the angel will deliver mercy
 and death will get his degree.

For compassion was hers to give,
the touch of her hand
will wipe this brow.
The cold of the scissors will cut the tag
and I will join a corpse’s march
obeying the ghost of captains orders
uniting friend and foe in melting borders.

In death I will believe
and hope will leave this earth with me.
My reward is tempered by sword and cross
 epitaph is poured over another loss.
And country prepares to count the cost

The drone of the letter
this paper of man
typed in halls by Vatican whores,
delivering their knock on mother’s door.

This pain of England’s son
 will lie in empty bed,
 silence will be hers to see.
A candle for me in winter’s light
but death will play in mother’s night.

Her tears will wash this wooden cross,
the house will cry for little boy lost
and the dog will sit with eye on door,
never to wag his tail no more.




Details | Free verse | |

What I am and Who am I

My lavish world of happiness
With digging of hole to fall down myself 
To flow into the drainage  
Far afar to go and go and go 
Damaged all and ruined 
But know why? No idea 
Perhaps missing and losing heart 
Big breakage and gaping 
Heart-loss moment and loss of trust 
My heart was clean so far  
I was thinking with boldness 
The time was driven to me to the way of endanger.  

It was the battle of life  
The bad days of life  
Truthfulness of life 
Years gathered thoughts and knowledge dampening 
And harshness of valueless spilling fate  
Concurrent offerings brought better experiences 
Useless practices and securing hate occurred  
Growing in the mind mostly  
Painful moments padlocked.  

I got diagnosed with growing sorrows 
God! You are omniscient and almighty 
I know you have created to me and landed 
Overlapping with this stressful life bringing monotonous moment 
I am dying in this survival  
Plenty of thoughts dying  
Bizarre of my life dying along with 
My fun dying, my pleasure dying 
My activeness and aggressiveness all dying 
O God! Then say to me who I am? 
I am your creativity or throwing trash of this Earth?


Details | Free verse | |

The Past

I want to watch you bleed,
and I know you've thought of it too
I can feel the ache in your heart,
and the questions that stir inside
Like why should you still feel this way?
You have no reason
I can feel the knife twist in your ribs
Everytime you dig up your past
You do this to yourself time and time again
Every time,
and every time it's your fault
I know where you hide the blades
for moments like this
When you let it overflow
and overwhelm and consume you
He doesn't deserve you
You're damaged property
How could you think you'd ever be worthy of someone like him?
You don't even deserve to lick the scum off his shoes
You still mope about like a little *****
You cling to your past and let it define you
and you can't let go
like a little girl with her teddy
You let a monster define you
You let your past define you
You do this to yourself over and over again
Ripping open old scars
Adding new wounds
Because you won't leave the past where it's best left
Behind you
You won't leave your cocoon
Even though he's desperately trying to help pry you out
You won't let go
You'll let the past overtake and overwhelm you
You don't deserve a savior like him


Details | Free verse | |

A Hospital Stay - Part III

                                                                    3.

                                                       The Last Good Day

All looks well when half a week's gone,
Though I wish the same might be said
Of the outside world.

As morning sunlight streamed into my lower-floor room
Shining bright among the  hopeful on a cooler morning
Just as Gulliver's god was beginning to matter to me again,
Madness claimed the rush hour.

Five random shootings occur
All over the nearby city
Marking the opening
Of a festival of Death
Soon to rage 'til October's end.
Now each day that follows
No one outside of walls can call themselves safe.

     Unknown to me then
     I was no longer safe myself.
     Invisible snipers of a different sort
     Were collecting to come for me.

All seemed so well;
The crashing feeling of the Sitting-Up Ritual
Was receding, and the ally of morphine
Less and less required.

But a strange constriction announced itself,
Some subtle, unseeable python
Was beginning to coil about me;
The drawing of breath gets harder and harder from this day forth,
And no one  seems to know why.


Details | Free verse | |

The Journey

From time immemorial your story began
A hundred, a thousand, a million years and more
Your story past written a character just one
The tale of you bleeds into all

Each story unique while pieces the same
Today, tomorrow, millennia expended and gone
Your story continues passed first to no last
The tale of you bleeds into all

Through love and hate, laughter and death
Minutes and seconds grew to decades and days
The story being written you wrote each day
The tale of you bleeds into all

Memories endure through dream and remembrance
Yesterday is gone but tomorrow you live on
Your story yet written a character more than one
The tale of you bleeds into all

Your stories the fires shall never consume
A past, a future, a present goes on
The story you wrote lives forever in your love
The tale of you bleeds into all


Details | Free verse | |

My German Girl


H.F.

My German girl leaves me yesterday.
My heart cries more and more with rhetorical promises.
It makes me a tiger with sparrow’s bound; I knee in front of her;
My tears split with poetical senses
Such as the last drops hammering over the floor
And all underneath me disappears under my weight.



Details | Free verse | |

Recurring Conscience

Past a nourishing conscience
We find that we’re alone
Through the pain and heartache
There’s all but none
Thought transgresses the soul 
Nourishment loses its hold
Lost in the gaping hole
Of the unimaginable untold
All alone we wander
Through the spaces of hell
Where our mind is leading us
No one can really tell
Where will my heart lead me?
Get rid of that burning conscience
Dig deeply
To find its convalescence
I will never understand the pain you’re going through
But in the gaping holes that we do dwell
You will find me darkened too
I lift my soul from my mind
And bury it in my life
Steer clear of me if you can be so kind
To make the voids more whole
Find me
Find me and
Forgive me
And make it go away


Details | Free verse | |

Noise

A young boy is playing in a sandbox not far from a busy intersection.
He is wearing a hearing aid.
He has almost finished digging a large hole.
The sounds of the cars grow louder as rush hour approaches.
He climbs into the hole and takes off his hearing aid.
He starts to pour sand in both of his ears and begins to cry.
The traffic continues...


Details | Free verse | |

Sepia stained tears

Sunglass water pails
The cover up, never fails
Draining water from her 
Heartbroken pools
A screaming silence
Blocked behind her 
Tinted view
With a blink, rivers flow
She is lost and all alone
Who is there ?
When there is nobody else
Beside her.

She feels
As separated as her tears
As they are falling
Hope disappears
Collecting pain
Where the hazel pools drain
In her
Sunglass water pails..


Details | Free verse | |

the hills

Cresent moon consorts 
Met on a hillside, dew-soaked and overgrown
Seducing the sun from sleep.

Before infomercials succumbed to scheduled shows
You were my cartoons and cereal.
Sugary, sitting so close to your screen.

Our skin blowing steam,
Fattening the fog until it fell from the sky.
Delicious and dark the dawn
Anticipating light

The day stretched and yawned,
Bluebirds cleared their throats,
Street-cats rubbing  eyes,
I held you as you cried.

While responsible citizens were stuck in traffic
You were a full tank of gas and an open road
Dreamy, with your pedal pushed to your floor.


Barren and yellow became our hills
The sun never stops shining.
Not a shadow exists to take solace in
sipping each heaven-sent breeze.

Directionless pursuits
no stars to find my way by
Lost like the moon in the blinding blue heavens

Sunburnt flesh
died on a hillside, windswept and thirsty.
Begging the sun to sleep.


Details | Free verse | |

Edifices of time

Edifices of time.


Edifices of sculptured beauty – 
Filled with Angels song 

Harmonious sounds that fill 
Earth’s crumbling corridors-

Like the sands of time-
That falls through life's hourglass, 

Mere shadows - of life’s eternal beauty-
Etched in pain - is a world’s agony- 

A broken heart - pain like nails  
That pierces Holy hands 

On Death’s wooden blood stained door
The rose of Sharon declares His everlasting love 

Beyond this crimson wooden cross of human suffering 
Lies the corridor of hope 

And eternal glory - Above 
Just beyond the grave.

 


© Brenda V Northeast   8 Feb. 2009 


Details | Free verse | |

My Internal Torture

Picking
Scratching
Pulling
Tearing
The nail leaves two marks.
It stings slightly.
I know I did good.
I peel the broken skin away
and watch the blood rush.
Onto the next.
It won't stop.
I can't stop.
Leaving scars, 
one right after the other,
like a circle,
this cycle is endless.
I put my hands to my face
dig in as deep as I can go,
and drag my fingers down.
Prying the flesh from my face,
I scream inside.
Nobody sees it
-the scars-
-the marks-
-my disease.
To them, 
I'm narcissistically ignorant.
But if you focus like I,
you will be disgusted like I.


Details | Free verse | |

Scars

When you walked out,
My soul broke open.
You took a piece of me.
It left me helpless.
It left me alone.

The cut would not heal.
The gash would not seal.
Stitch it up with barbed wire.

I started to live again.
Incomplete.
The pain constant.
A reminder of you.

I could only breath a little.
The blood of your words
Filled my empty shell
where my soul once was.

You came back.

Your apology accepted
Pluck these barbs from my flesh.
It will still leave scars.
That's not going to change.

If I forgive you,
Would you give me back
The piece of me that left with you?

Let me finally heal.
Let me finally see.
Let me finally be.
More than just the scars of you.


Details | Free verse | |

The anguish of the creation

The anguish of the creation
is carried deep into the wind’s heart
and alights upon the clouds
so that it will come back
as a gushing water 
upon the Earth. 


Details | Free verse | |

A Rich Tribute

Mother Teresa been a historical,
and an important,
and a humble figure,
as she had dedicated her life for the poor and the needy indeed, 
the best tribute one can give her is by quoting a single quote of her,
out of the many though, 
the one mentioned below seems to be more precise,
in today’s world,
“Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love, of kindness, of understanding, of peace. Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God-the rest will be given”
Today,
in the rush of acquiring money,
many have forgotten this lovely aspect,
the aspect of love,
which is much greater than money,
and had crossed a number of boundaries,
from times immemorial,
today jealousy, selfishness, greed have taken over love,
wherein money is not that great,
than love itself,
as love is like a ‘Can’,
which can be filled from the top to the bottom,
unlike money,
which needs to be filled from the bottom instead,
love is greater than money indeed,
as we do love our Gods,
our wives,
the children,
whether they be ours,
or of others,
without distinguishing between their caste, creed, colour,
Love is indeed greater,
as we love the newborns born into this world,
our friends ,
wherein love can also help us to defeat our enemies too,
without love,
no one can progress on,
and neither the countries too,
Therefore love is greater than money indeed!!

'Quote and Author':-
“Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love, of kindness, of understanding, of peace. Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God-the rest will be given”- Author: 'Mother Teresa'


Details | Free verse | |

Oh Well, Oh Well

I’m tired in this drop
The walls are all the same
I’m soaked now

In the midst of deteriorating
It hurts more than normal
I think it’s broken

The light up top is gone now
Just like the one down here
Oh well…  oh well.

The love inside the teardrops
Has turned to the coldest rain
Now there’s just the pain

It’s settled in my chest
Eating at my insides
Feeding at the dead lives

The end will not come quickly 
Not even quietly
For now, I just sigh at thee


Details | Free verse | |

An artist knows

Received a letter this very day; bearing a tale of woe
Words detail a love now lost; as tears begin to flow

The mind does spin as whirligigs; emotions cast about
A life of love and devotion; cast asunder; simply thrown out 

An artist knows; that paint must flow to cover a broken heart
Brush strokes wipe the pain away; pain of two lives torn apart

Bold colors display the pain he could not hide; would not hide
The canvas now reveals what the artist feels; knowing a love has died


Details | Free verse | |

Pain is a reminder

From my years of living 
I figured out two kinds of pain 
One is physical 
it only last a while 
The second is emotional 
it last forever 
I have experianced both 
they are hell
But if I had to chose the worst 
It would be the emotional pain 
Because you never get over it


Details | Free verse | |

I do it for the pain

If I could peel those words off the street,

where we left them.

I'd tuck them between your bones,

lay the memory to rest. 

I'd tug at the sky,

retrieve the colors that lit up

weary eyes.

I hope it doesn't burn,

but it's where they belong,

you are their home. 

I'd keep only the taste

of your perfumed touch,

just in case I begin to 

forget,

how much I like to suffer.

-James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved.


Details | Free verse | |

ANOTHER PAINFUL CRY

Another tsunami for the warm heart
Another heart-rending chapter
After saying bye to her ill-fated dictator
After years and years of tribulations

The 1890 treaty has been invalidated
The obvious has become hazy
For our longtime neighbors
Unfortunately have become greedy

We the down-trodden watch innocently
Unaware of what will happen to our Chambo
And to us who drink from this thing
That has become the bone of contention

 Still, we hopefully await 
When this fiasco will be sorted out amicably
When again without fears
We will fish our Chambo joyously


Details | Free verse | |

Seed Planting

When she finally understood
The pain she had caused
The hurt cut deep
Just like
Like the well honed 
Plow Blade opens
The earth for planting
Laying bare and ready
The heart

But the sower
Stood ready
And the seeds were
Laid in fertile soil
And gently soothed over
With hands of love

Then came the rain
Healing tears and
Light in turn

There is hope here
For the fruit
That will be found
At harvest


Details | Free verse | |

Soul mates never to be

He stared at her as though she was devoured
half-way by a great white shark; a look of "I can't help you,
though I wish there was something I could do". Love they sowed
was being watered by another man.....


Details | Free verse | |

Futile Contemplation

When next you sit 
And contemplate
The emptiness 
Of your life,
Perhaps you'll muse
Past old mistakes,
Old Lovers,
And their lies.
Too many moments
Slip silently away
Longing for the past;
And moments mount
Against the day
To win the war at last.
With your lifetime spent
And no reserve,
Where will your last 
Days find you:
Contemplating the pain ahead
Or lost in the pain behind you?
Stop for a quivering moment
And breathe deeply of the Peace,
Release the pain, accept the gain
And rejoice in its release.


Details | Free verse | |

Gone

It was yesterday evening that you left
You walked out that door and never even looked back.

I stood there just staring for longer than I know
You were gone, you left, and my heart is now cold.

Several days go by and I realize
That you were my life, my soul, my sense of myself.
Without you I am lost and broken.
I have no purpose, no aim, no goal, no destination.
The way you left me, Boy, you left me broken.
Though really, my love, that need not be spoken.

I want you back, I need you here with me.
I need you baby boy to return to functionality.
Come back, come be by my side. Come and kiss my pain goodbye.
Be with me, sweet precious, and kiss my pain goodbye


Details | Free verse | |

Forgotten Promises


Another Christmas is coming
A new year will begin
I am looking through the window
Watching people under the snow

Some are with family, cooking and eating
Some are in the street, walking and shopping
Some are at home cleaning and decorating
Some are with friends packing and traveling

Everything seems fine
but when I look again …

Some are hungry, looking for food
Some are homeless, shivering in the cold
Some are lonely, sitting with sadness
Some are in pain, mourning for a loss

Another Christmas is coming
A new year will begin
I am thinking to myself
Is this the world we promised to build?

What happened to our world?
What happened to us?
What is going on?
Did we forget our promises?

We promised to NOTICE
We promised to ADJUST
We promised to PROTECT
Then why so much RAVAGE?

We promised to CARE
We promised to CARESS
We promised to FEED
Then why so much HUNGER?

We promised to RECEIVE
We promised to RELIEVE
We promised to FORGIVE
Then why so much REVENGE?

We promised to RESPECT
We promised to APPRECIATE
We promised to LOVE
Then why so much HATRED?

We promised to COMMUNICATE
We promised to COMPREHEND
We promised to CONNECT
Then why so much DISUNITY?

Another Christmas is coming
A new year will begin
How is it going to end?
What to promise again?


Details | Free verse | |

Lui

The night was young 
                 but the moon       waned
His breath I could feel
       across           my          neck
His words were like a spell
          h  
             y 
                 p
              n
          o
              t
                i
             c     
 leaving me heart beating WiLdLy
His touch as soft as silk
Long c.a.l.l.o.u.s.e.d fingers trailed d
                                                       o
                                                       w
                                                       n my back
His lips were cherry sweet, 
pressedagainstmine.

My body seared in heat,
my breaths were u   ne      v    e               n
as he moved in me

I felt a sharp       SHOCK , 
a surge of pleasure and pain 
filled me.

The night went on .....................
and so did our adventures.

His face I held in my hands: his fingers buried in my hair.

He was a f      et
                   le      ing dream,

a lost affair.
My lover, my best friend.
Condemned for his actions.

I sleep here:
 in the arms of another man.
The pain I feel, I clench my teeth
 always thinking it was him instead.


Details | Free verse | |

SAY IT'S A DREAM

SAY IT’S A DREAM 
 The cloud had wrapped herself around
And like a shield it engulfed my life and being
With gloom & anguish, pains and aches
Wretched and weakened, drained of strength

Gossiped by friends and foes alike
Like a plague they hid and kept from me
Lonely, angry, desolate and lost
Maimed by illness like a palsied imp

The hands that once would rise in cheer
Are now retarded, stuck in chair
The voice that roared and earned respect
Is now disguised by groans unclear

Would there be an end to the pains I feel
When the eyes are closed would it bring an end
For beneath the flesh that once were fresh
Reside the flames that burn afresh

Please say it’s a dream I need to awake
That the pains I feel are feigned and unreal
That the morn shall bring a ray of relief
And the heart shall be eased of the pains and relieved.


Details | Free verse | |

Broken, Taken

My heart has been ripped;
With pride I was stripped.
I felt my heart's last beat
Before it fell at your feet.

There's a hole in my chest
But the pain will not rest.
It kept on digging deeper
Making me feel emptier.

Night has been permanent;
It was a constant opponent.
In darkness my pain grew;
Tell me, what must I do?

I have swallowed my pride
But was brushed to the side.
What do you want from me?
Why wont you set me free?

I have already tried so hard,
Leaving me badly scarred.
Are my scars not enough?
Do you think I'm that tough?

My heart you have broken,
My pride you have taken.
What more do you need?
Do you want me to bleed?


Details | Free verse | |

Phantom Vessel, Versions One and Two

	Phantom Vessel - 
	Version One
	
	
	Damaged mind down
	down
	phantom vessel
	distance endless
	leaping chasm
	between two worlds
	no
	Slow roll
	left-hand take
	black marbles
	shade side glance 
	check
	Toward
	Hoarse Jesus whisper
	Listen 
	No need
	No need
	hand hold, right
	Brother follow
	heart hearing
	Jesusss.
	10 times
	Roll away home
	
	

	Phantom Vessel - 
	Version Two
	
	
	His damaged mind
	so far down
	down 
	it’s a phantom vessel 	
	an impassable chasm 
	between us.
	
	Rolling slowly toward me
	he takes my left hand
	his black eyes 
	looking side-to-side
	checking.
	
	Turns toward me 
	says “Jesus” 
	in his hoarse whisper.
	“Listen to me
	there’s no need for more
	no need.”
	Holding my right hand now
	“Brother 
	follow your heart 
	when it says Jesusss.”
	
	He chants “Jesusss” 
	ten times before
	he’s rolled away,
	home.


Version One is a crude attempt to write in the "pinyin" form of translation of
Chinese poetry into English:
  
http://www.chinese-poems.com/bo.html  

My poem is not based on translation of an actual Chinese poem. It's just an 
experiment.

I very much appreciate the expansion of the categories list, but it neglects
to include such possibilities as human, madness, insanity, illness, 
mental illness and others describing the human condition. "Pain" was 
as close as I could get to the actual intention of this poem, although it is far 
from correct.


Details | Free verse | |

End It All

For all those people, 
Yes, I’m talking about you. 
I want to tell you now, 
This is to help you through. 

For those people
That cut, take pills,
Burn yourself, or commit suicide, 
Please don’t and your wills. 

Cutting, it’s no fun
To see your own blood. 
It doesn’t make you feel any better, 
It’s really no good. 

Drugs aren’t any better,
They’re bad for your health. 
It kills, it just hurts, 
It takes away future wealth. 

Burning, your skin will go. 
And it will just hurt even more. 
So please drop the lighter and the matches, 
There’s nothing good in store. 

Committing suicide, I’m sorry
For those who have a lost one. 
Do you know the domino effect? 
We don’t want your name on the stone. 

Everyone that suffers from bullying, 
I’d gladly help you out, and more people out there will. 
You’re never ever alone, 
So please don’t kill. 

You may think 
I’m writing this to get more fame. 
Well, your wrong sweetie, 
Cutting, I've done the same. 

If everyone would care,
And leave no one behind, 
We’d all live in a better world,
Where everything is kind. 

Don’t worry, we’re all here for you. 
And it’ll stay this way until this message will send. 
Spread the word, share this, 
And hopefully it’ll end. 

We all have scars, 
That tell all our life. 
You can have a better tale, 
If you just drop that knife. 

Gather more people, and tell those who suffer
“You’re never alone, and I won’t let you fall.”  
If you love them with all your heart,
Help them end it all. 


Details | Free verse | |

So Close, Yet So Far

It's like I'm there,
Standing behind a glass wall.
I've had a taste,
Just not the full platter.
I'm ready for the cake,
But all I have is batter.


Details | Free verse | |

The Human Seasons: Elements At War and Peace, Part I

                                                                  1.

The summer's thunderings gather in brooding, heavy clouds
Soundless masses with shuddering voices
Calling through the untamed sky
Shaking above the meeker Earth,
Pillars of rain, shot through with flashings in their depths,
Electric fires running through the close, wet darkness -
The thunderings assemble to make their pronouncements,
In booms and growlings cast down through the winds
To tongue-lash an unruly world with elemental admonishments,
Bearing reminders of old forces that never die,
Waiting and spreading through their vast spaces,
Breeding strength, coalescing.

Between the group of walls they live in,
He and she circle 'round,
Eyes seldom meeting,
Casting flashes of hurt when they do.
They hold within their aching hearts
Black shards of anger born of their quarrel,
As acid thoughts brew with the thunder's boil around them
As it walks with its giant's tread above the roof,
Growling its mindless sentiments
In tones that set the windowpanes ashiver,
Bitterness tends to the feeding of itself,
Savoring the cold fare
Of unforgiven words and thoughts both spoken and silent
While this summer squall of tattered love rises to rage
And ends in their dark unease,
The slow burn of anger between them
Has settled to a smoking grey ash gradually piling up in their sombre souls
As the sky above flares through the rushing sheets of clouds
The wind tearing by, laughing madly.


Details | Free verse | |

Singularity

ZAP POW Intrinsic Inside news beyond Hopes dashed No pieces left For times elbow Holds no crutch Singularity ZIP BAM Congruent Feelings enmeshed Scrounged within The numbness subsides Leaving delight Past the darkest night Pulsar WACK TING Livid Singed to the bone Being lost Without deaths glow But hope rings in Triumphant score Dynamic WHAM BANG Persevere Life beyond emptiness Lures in mindful eyes Sipping from the eternal cup Homing into happiness Leaving pain behind Enlightened YING TAP TAP TAP… Russell Sivey


Details | Free verse | |

THIS PAIN

THIS PAIN IS THE FERTILIZER FOR GROWTH...
HEADACHES FROM THE HEARTACHES,A MINDSET TO STAY 
ON THE STRAIGHT NARROW,CONSISTENTLY HARASSED BECAUSE OF
THE LIFE CHANGE,NO LONGER RUNNING THE STREETS,FORMER FRIENDS 
REFUSE TO COME AROUND BECAUSE I WON'T GET DOWN WITH SMOKING
TREES AND CONSUMING FORTY'S....
  THIS PAIN HAS CAUSED ME TO BE LONELY,I LOVE TO FELLOWSHIP WITH
THE SAINTS THEY GIVE ME A NATURAL HIGH WITH NO SIDE AFFECTS,IT FEELS
GOOD TO BE CAREFREE AND NOT HAVE TO IMPLANT EYES IN THE BACK OF MY 
HEAD,LIVING THE LIFE ON SUSPICIOUS IS VICIOUS......
  THIS PAIN IS A DETOXIFICATION,I HAVE THE SHAKES AND THE SWEATS, I
NEED IMMEDIATE TREATMENT WITH AN AFTER CARE PLAN....FLESH IS WARING
WITH MY SPIRIT I CAN'T STAND IT....
   THIS PAIN HAS CAUSED ME TO SHUTDOWN SOCIALLY,I'M EXPERIENCING
FEELINGS FROM A-Z...
   THIS PAIN HAS CAUSED ANXIETY LORD GIVE ME THE POWER TO HANDLE THIS 
STORM.THE THUNDERBOLTS WERE SHOCK TREATMENTS FOR CLEANSING THE
WICKEDNESS AND THE GRIM FROM THE EYES...
    I CAN NOW APPRECIATE THE THORNS THAT TORE THE FLESH..
NOW I CAN ATTEST THAT THIS PAIN WAS FERTILIZER FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH...
                                            THIS PAIN....



Details | Free verse | |

Carry Your Cross

Jesus…
When you said,
“Take up your cross, and follow me?”
What did you mean, Jesus?
What did you mean?

That cross…that I have to bear…
It seems too heavy for me
I’m crushed under the load
Weighed down…
Suffocating….
Unable to breathe
Much less move

I can hardly carry myself around, Jesus
And now I must carry it as well?

What is that cross, Jesus?
Are you sure I can bear it?
Is it the cross of self-denial?
It is my crucified pride?
My unruly desires?
My self-indulgent will?
My selfish dreams?

Jesus, is it that love
That threatens to consume me
Is it that love
That cannot…that SHOULD not be mine
That you want me to crucify
On this cross
That you want me to bear?

Remember, Jesus
Remember, Lord…
Please, remember
That I am weak
I’m only human
Fragile
Frail
Doubtful
Afraid
Most of all unwilling...

Jesus...
I balk at the pain I must endure
But….I know
I KNOW….
You can help me carry this cross
For you carried a much bigger one
That had nailed on it
All my insecurities and pain
Right along with your bleeding hands
That covered those sins
And washed them in red and made them
Whiter…much whiter than snow

Jesus…help me bear it
This cross is too heavy for my frail shoulders
Please, hold me in your embrace
Secure me…
Cover me with your strong arms
Let your shoulders bear the weight
Once again….
As you carry this cross..
My cross
For me.

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

Sand Castles

Sand Castles

Castles are supposed to be strong;
Something about walls always 
Seem so strong...
I was like a sand castle-
Everyone was so caught
On my walls;
They never wondered
What was behind them-
Maybe its something 
About walls being strong-
Or is that unapproachable?-
Castles are not 
Something to be held;
They hold things-
I was a sand castle,
So I held everything in;
Every grain of sand,
I held inside myself...
I'm not sure if he realized
That sand castles are not
Meant to be held-
He thought I would be strong;
Castles are supposed to be strong-
But I was a sand castle and
So I could only crumble;
He let me slip through
His fingers...
He was the only one
To see behind my walls...
But I was only a 
Sand castle;
I held nothing but sand-
I am nothing
But sand.


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Reflection

Silent persistence peeling skin from bone
With undamaged precision
Easing an imperceptible knife into flesh
Exposing a fragile heart
Stripped with naked vulnerability
Surrendering willingly to anaesthetized hands
 Craving achingly raw excision
Clouded with hope filled desperation
A lullaby of forged belief

 	Eyes fixated on the gentle thudding of beating 
Echoing from fading warmth between palms
Subconsciously awaiting unavoidable regret

Intensely flaming pain searing through a bruised, empty cavity
Antagonistic fingers familiarly penetrating, ripping apart
		A heart eager to love, drenched in gullibility 
Opening bleeding wounds along already scarred edges
				Leaving torn pieces distraughtly scattered

Bloodied feeling slowly draining
Wisps of past shadowed ghosts
Self-encouraged to plague again
		Evaporating out of void eyes
Ravaging reflected destruction
Self condemned through the hands of a mere puppet

Shameful pain piecing brokenness back together
	Cradling the fading beauty in shrouds of detestation
Dissipating into silence
Drowning in a symphony of tears


Details | Free verse | |

The Sculptor

I feel Him chip away at my flesh.
The vibrations shake to my bones.
Pieces that were once part of me now fall helplessly to the floor.

Every scrape of the chisel,
Every pound of the hammer,
Every piece that is broken from me stings with immense pain.

Why doesn't He stop?
Why is The Sculptor so cruel?
Doesn't He realize that each swing He takes is a nightmare to me?

I would be better off as stone that was never touched,
I would be more content without the suffering that comes apon me,
But I wouldn't be a work of art.

Each chip of the chisel is intended to remove a piece that shouldn't be there.
Each pound of the hammer is meant to force the hideous fragments far from me.
Each move The Sculptor makes, takes me closer to His plan for me.

I must trust, knowing that He never takes off too much.
I must be ready, knowing that He never leaves His work incomplete.
I must be thankful, knowing that I am being made beautiful in His eyes.

The acute pain is only a short part of His plan.
The lasting anguish fades in its own time.
Though heart, and soul, and body all grieve, the permanent state will be that of finished work.

I may not know the reason for each strike,
I may not know the fault with each sundered chunk,
And I may never know.

I know the sting of the chisel now,
I know The Sculptor has a plan,
My part is to trust that He will not work forever ... but that He will be done.


Details | Free verse | |

MOON DIMS



Teardrop
From the sky
Rested achingly upon
The ample bosom
Of grief
Oh Divine, my beloved!
Kneel upon thy alters
Bow down, oh heart
On velvet cushion's grace.
Nigh is death
Lean on Thee
Erratic heart
Tumultuous sea
Calm! Hush now. Calm!
Thy belly crawls
 before thy feet's sorrow
Given paradise 
A tomorrow's dream
Thy brows sweat
And the moon dims
Take my soul
To eternal's promise
Bosom's tears 
water the heavens
Heart and the sea
Pleading for the nightmare's end.




Details | Free verse | |

I cant tell

I cant tell!
I wont tell!
Its to painful everything 
hurts to much.
Things I keep locked up in a box 
wrapped in canes
will never be unlocked.
I'm not ready
I cant!
i wont!
it hurts to much to remember
I dont want the wounds to open.
The pain of giving up on both
my self and them.
The pain of hate
the pain of sadness
and the things I'm still dealing with.
The teoroir of being alone the fear of 
my own thoughts
The things no one else knows
are being pushed deep in the back
of my thoughts.
I'm not ready to tell
I'm not ready to open that chapter again
I'm not ready 
I'm just not ready.


Details | Free verse | |

It's Not Your Fault

The thing about life
is that
it can end in an instant

When the rope of the
harsh words
wraps tightly around your 

Neck squeezing tighter
and tighter
you just want to jump

To end it all to end all
the pain
and the hatred and words

It is not only the words
that push
you over the edge

It is too the fists and
the feet 
that slam into you

Over and over
without
a break with out letting up 

Making you break down and slide down
the wall
and cry and cry and cry

One phone call can 
save a
live, stopping that jump

Stopping the self hate
and
spreading the love

The love i have for 
you will 
never fade or die and i hope

will make you better
to sleep
and to be able to be 

Happy again to 
be happy
forever and always with me

just remember and know
that it's
NOT YOUR FAULT


Details | Free verse | |

So Close

It was a cold but clear day 
and for some reason,
we didn’t come to play.

Maybe we wanted football to end,
Maybe we just weren’t good enough-
No.

If we weren’t good enough,
Defeat wouldn’t be so painful,
But as the game went on 
Our hopes began to fade,
Our season was coming to an end.

We fought hard, 
We played with heart, 
But since we made mistakes, 
It just wasn’t enough.

However it was enough
For one last play,
One play left from our own 20 yard line.

The field stood still 
As the ball flew in the air like a jet, 
But as it fell to the turf,
The pain began to kick in.

The pain of working all year, 
In hot August,
And freezing November,
Only to lose by two points.

We came so close, 
But there is nothing worse 
Than to come this close, 
Because close
DOESN’T COUNT
In football


Details | Free verse | |

Alcoholism

Anger, guilt and pain,
those are the only emotions
I feel; my skin crawls whenever
my mind flashes those painful
memories that I try my best to
forget.
Mornings are normal; I do my 
every day chores like clock-work.
The daily grind embeds emotions
long since forgotten; their existence
remains a definition in a dictionary.
Night slowly comes and everything
changes into chaos. 
The chime of bottles that I hide
suddenly calls to me and I
succumb to its dark grasp; its
claws sink deep into my heart.
Sadly, I do not listen to the angel
upon my shoulder that tries so
desperately to guide me into
the light.
As the liquid drowns my senses
the anger is released causing my normal 
self to transform into a monster that 
no-one knows.
Pain fuels my outbursts against
whoever is present regardless
of who it is I cause hurt and
unseen fear that they try to
hide in a futile attempt to
protect themselves.
The bottles dwindle but my
anger only increases; all those
years of hiding it has created
me into a ticking time-bomb
that no-one wants to be near.
The angel upon my shoulder
continues to provide guidance
but the liquid I have consumed
has caused its voice to become a
whisper.
Many things I have lost over
the years but I fruitlessly deny
my own faults.
Will I ever be able to resist
reaching for the bottle?
I do not know but the pain,
fear and loss I can no longer
endure.
Maybe one day I will
say those infamous words
and the angel upon my shoulder
will guide me towards the light
of inner peace and harmony.


Details | Free verse | |

Hate and Hurt are the Causes of Love

You make my head hurt.
Like I love in a sulfur cave.
You eat away at me as though
I were already dead,
cannibal of love;
Tears drip with green tint
(the smell of sulfur sits inside droplets)
onto the rocks,
which jut through my thoughts.
This trial fills
my mind and body,
and therefore my soul
of longing and love.
We fight for emotion
not given in which we deserve.
At least we feel our own demands.
In order to love,
we hate;
an abstract term
as beautiful as love
deserves and demands
an equal opposite.
I love you,
because
I understand hate.


Details | Free verse | |

Ebony Aphrodite

Not even Tisiphone looming could invoke the fright this fury leaves etched across my spine
Olympus' indignation will not leave me in spiritual paralysis like She
(Shch, shch, shch) severing my Atlas, losing my mind--I can't carry these melancholy skies
Her voice, even in its brevity, balmbarded me with an inward rise of Dawn's rosey-red fingers
Now, Her silence--Her silence sings a delyreous epic of what I couldn't help, but destroy
--Without Her, I feel like Telemachus futiley fending off suitors alone
Promises to not fly too close to Helios: broken glass under a blind woman's feet
Like Perseus, I'll face whatever evil's Cracken; although, a life without Her, I'd rather be the Nemean Lion
Ebony Aphrodite, whose tone leers at me with a Medusa gaze
I wasn't Cronos; although, I was, in this gracious goddess' eyes, titanic
However, it now appears I've corroded our thread; easier for the Fates to cut


Details | Free verse | |

Memories

I’m forgetting how to drag these worthless thoughts
 
Through broken and grasping fingertips.
 
Empty is my mind, and yet
 
I struggle to rip away the strangling
 
Emotions that leave me breathless.
 
Repugnantly my contention simply dissipates
 
with the thought of you.
 
Memories of what was and what is
 
clash like fire and ice.
 
It burns more than anything imaginable.
 
I franticly search through the convex parts of my mind
 
hoping to find relief.
 
Abhorrently I find none.
 
The feelings that I worked so hard to get rid of
 
come back.
 
 Memories and faded Love breaks
 
through the barricade I work so hard to build
 
and all that I am abruptly
 
turns into all that I was.
 
 I scream as the memories pierce into
 
the place that took so long to heal.
 
The place where abandonment
 
and pain are still  fresh.
 
The place that once openly held
 
Love, Trust, comfort and......
 
A heart.
 
Now holds nothing but pain sorrow and regret.
 
Alone I am, yet not
 
The memories are here to keep me company.
 
Your promise is here to give me the reminder of
 
your lies and your touch is here to give me pain.
 
Vivid they are, yet so faded
 
each kiss is a bite
 
each touch is a punch
 
each word is fire and ice.
 
But this isn't what angers me the most
 
This isn't what brings all the pain.
 
The fact that you're still here.
 
The fact that despite all my best efforts
 
to Forget you I can't.
 
Despite all the pain,
 
All the lies.
 
What angers me the most is the fact that
 
I still Love you.
 
I forgot how to drag these worthless thoughts

through, broken and grasping fingertips

Just as I forgot how not to Love you.-

 


Details | Free verse | |

Beautiful Things

I always fall in love with beautiful things;
The year's first snowfall is an untouched scape
Of sweet serenity, shimmering in cool blue 
Effervescence...

I always fall in love with beautiful things;
His smile was warm-
His soul was so beautiful...

I always destroy the beauty in the things I love-
The perfection of the first snowfall is trodden on
Until it is a mishmash of clumsy footprints,
Of the dips where I stumbled
And of the grooves I shoved through-

I always destroy the beauty in the things I love...
There's always pain behind his smile now...

The things I love always destroy me...
I'm left with cold feet
And two broken hearts-
His, and mine


Details | Free verse | |

Battling Addition

Men do love sensuous naked girls
Pervocatively posed do their caresses
Engulf the male’s fantasy world
Purged in dark secrets 
The male’s mind explores
Only to give heart 
To a make believe girl
Day-in day-out man battles within
Until man’s addition is no longer self-viewed sin
Men do love the casino’s glitzy lights
With cards in hand or to roll the dice
To wager it all in-spit of family needs
Man flies to Sin City then crawls home on knees
Sorry proclaimed to all the loved ones 
Seven times seventy forgave
Man makes a promising plea
Until a week’s work and money in hand made
Again to go -does man make plan
Beguiled by trickster until man has none
Day-in day-out man battles within
Until man’s addition is no longer self-viewed sin
So pray do man’s beloved unto God who saves
Remove this addiction and cast it away
Give beloved man the strength to open self-eye
The reflection of sin will gall man’s eye
Day-in day-out that man will battle within
Until man’s addition is plainly self-viewed sin


Details | Free verse | |

The First Time

For the first time,
I feel that life’s treating me right

Everyone’s talkin’ amongst themselves…

I’m sick ‘n tired of wastin’ time
I need to…train myself to become successful – 
Starting tonight.
My life has its ups ‘n downs…
How can I balance myself again?
How can I be more productive this week?
How much time does it take to make my life valuable?

Every now and then, 
I feel that there’s no way out of the cage

Everyone’s bringin’ up past recollections 

I’m willin’ to fight the good fight… but I feel like garbage…
My faith towards Him slowly decays away… 
How can I rebuild my strength again?
How can I reassure myself that I’m stronger than I realize? 
How much time does it take to accomplish all of my dreams? 

Every so often,
I feel that my family doesn’t love me

Do they still cherish me like hidden treasure?
Do they still love me beyond measure?

Everyone’s tellin’ me that I did a great job on my solo 

I don’t believe them entirely…but at least I got the audience’s attention  
My future is bright like the sun…
How can I make my dreams a reality?
Does God know the answer?
How much time does it take to taste a sprinkle of glory?

For the last time, 
I feel the need to reach the finish line

Everyone’s proud of me for trying my best 
And running with all of my effort
I’m willin’ to encourage myself to pass the test…
Despite my struggles, I’m doing fine  

My courage increases by the minute…
I outrun the competitive runners and I’m barely passing the test 

My cup is half full – I’m extremely grateful
For the first time, 
I feel that God has answered my prayers – 
LIFE IS SO. . . . WONDERFUL!


Details | Free verse | |

Do not ask Pen

Do not ask those who write pen
Do not ask what the pen crosses
Do not ask why the pen is silent
Do not ask why screaming Pen

Do not Ask
 
Ye ask pen
Does not understand why writes
Do not feel to reflect
Do not think to write

Ordered in writing and writes
Writes about love and grief
Writes about honesty and lying
Writes about envy and hatred


Written in all languages
Writes poems
Writes articles
Writes books
Writes and writes


Details | Free verse | |

Where do broken hearts go

Standing, here in silence
watching the fallen rains.
Like tears pour down a million times
That I gathered into my palms.
These are the particles of pain
That I felt deep inside.
And I tried to blow it away
towards the crying sky.
And let them join in the wind
Let the pain fly high as mountain
To ease all my pain.

I try to smile so the hurt won’t show
Laughing along with the ringing yellow bell
To dissipate the sorrow in my heart
My heart is drowning 
Because of so much loving you
I stay so much close to you
To embrace your heart with my love
But somehow, 
as the moment, I held you 
I felt pain and its tearing me apart.

Where do broken hearts go?
Can it find a way back home?
Is somebody will loves too
To heal a broken heart.

~~~New Contest~~~ "If You Could Say Now What You Didn't Say Then"
Sponsored by : Michael J. Falotico
Cheryl Aldea 
______________________

4th Place winner
 "If You Could Say Now What You Didn't Say Then" Contest


Details | Free verse | |

Eric -RIP-

Why did you leave?
Oh companion of mine
Why did you leave?
Twas it really your time? 
Did you see no point in staying 
another measly day? 
By my side if you were oh the 
things I would say! 
Judge you, I would not
Tis not in my nature
The emptiness I feel from your 
passing measures to that of a 
crater
A bullet took your life
One blast and it's through
What pains me to know is the 
gun was held by you
All you left behind was a note 
for family and friends
Inscribed were many ' I love 
you's ' 
And your deep heartfelt 
amends
No need to say sorry
For you lived a full life
I shall always remember this 
through the pain, struggles, 
and strife
'You don't know what you got 
until what you got is no more'
Oh how this saying is true!
As the tears stream my face 
and I reminisce of you
With anger in our eyes and 
pain in our hearts
We lay you to rest
Hoping that solace will 
overflow in our lives
We miss you Eric 
This is in plain black and white
Had we the power we'd wish 
you back to life
I take comfort in knowing one 
day we'll meet again
Beyond the pearly gates 
reunited  as friends
This is NOT goodbye
Only a brief farewell
When shall we meet again?
Only time will tell


Details | Free verse | |

The war

Some days the pain is so great That all you want to do is break. No matter what you say It will not make the pain and confusion go away. Living in two worlds challenges you. Who you are one day isn’t who you are another day. Constantly searching for a path to follow. Looking for a something to fill the emptiness Feel the void in your chest As you tackle one more step. People say they understand. And people say they care for you. Do you know how it feels? To walk the fine line your mind has created. To have an out pouring of emotions, To hide by yourself and away from the world. While you fight to stay afloat. Nothing is easy in this world Nothing comes without fighting for S o now it’s time to win the war.


Details | Free verse | |

A HARSH REALITY

Too many children have had to grow without ever having a parent to know.
Ran through the foster parent system,with no one ever asking them.
And what occurs when they get some bad ones,beatings,isolation,sexual assaults done.
Then growing up and living with what occured,their conscience telling them this is absurd.
So they go through life being afraid and believing that those who hurt them must be obeyed.
It truly is a sick circle they must live in,and how this affects others is truly a sin.
So we must try to get them through this and most times it will be hit and miss.
But someone must be there for them,to ask those crucial questions where and when.
For if they never release that pain inside,they will always surely run and hide.
So "PLEASE" dear LORD! Set there evil free,and when they've released their pain could we 
then work on me.


Details | Free verse | |

Sunset over the landfill

Turbulant radient red sky with sheet swirl mashed potato
cloud mush peered lazily through a curious brown
haze of dirty armpit fizz, enlisted somewhere
bewteen a prebeginning solar start dot deposit burst peak
and a futuristic nuclear waste singulsr hand mitten
all in lieu of a sadeyed slowburn glowing tuxedo-still
and looking on with rolled up flannel sleeve gross
passivity. I slurped around the grand gravel
entrance up and down brown round and rocky
pinging and jumping. Wide spaces
grappling with the refuse laden humo motif of
endeless manwomanchildpet pickings. I round the teetering
trough trench like curves unwitnessed to the sight beholding
ever present but none as gigted. Poor mouth
super excrement excuses like duct tape type at the end
of its reality roll---never enough for the final fix.
I watched as multitruck things silently
dispatchingly dispersed and unloaded their 
grusome garbage waves on good mother earth.
Battles can leave muscles working as man and time spitspent
slowcuspocus appendages working at top mph
pushing shoving shoveling piling before the light
pace calls it another disgusting dillday.
without the slighest the remorse--my stomach began 
to wrenchabit and my eyewells passed be free
me. The gulls some truck lenght away were
spuriously sifting smilingly through the
human wreckings in a last light meal
remedial refrain--as intense as
the dumpers became the dumpees. I angered as
the populace as myself delivered my putrid parlay
and proceded to the mass exit as if it were
OK. The quality of messy mercy stops at the buck. I need not squander the dull likings of my kind
of indifferenleunce on the hapless mis constraints of
a well informed psuedo citizenery. I hope the land rebels
someday and eats us all by the very
seeds we so sow. Garbage is as garbage does
but it's the tidy attitude of human complacency that
wipes my ass so clean---look to the trash cans for---hope. 


Details | Free verse | |

The sweetheart you were

You broke my heart
You made my world fall apart
You made me cry
You made me realize truly
That when all is said and done
Grief is the price we pay for love
I tried to make things right
A million words could not bring you back
Neither could a million tears
Wanting you is hard to forget
Loving you is hard to regret
Because it was a lesson
Sometimes memories are worth the pain
Sometimes I just have to hold my head high up, blink away the tears 
And pretend that everything is alright
Am afraid to care too much
For fear that history would repeat itself
You never cared at all did you?
Exactly one year and three months down the line
I made a choice to finally let go
Coz time is passing out fast
I got to move on too
I cried tonight sweetheart
Not because I miss you
Or I even wanted you
But because I realized
That I’m going to be alright without you


Details | Free verse | |

Scars

She ran her fingers across my skin,
counting my scars as if they were legal tender. 
I thought about the moment when skin
breaks apart, when life has a chance 
to escape its cage.
I think she could see it in my eyes,
because her touch became a violent rush,
her nails hungry for the burst of 
what was wrought between us. 
And so, I bled for her;
Staining her hunger with the rage of scars 
she couldn’t see. 
-James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved.


Details | Free verse | |

In The End

In the end 
I know 
that I loved deeply...
and in the end 
I was forced to let go
and someday 
I will know why...
Maybe not today...
but someday 
I will know why
All is pain and circumstance
love and words of war
How many days 
can I go on bleeding?
How many days 
can I force myself 
to simply go on breathing?
Some days this pain 
seems almost 
to much 
to bear

© Christine A Kysely All Rights Reserved
(December 16th, 2011 Wausau, Wisconsin USA)


Details | Free verse | |

Yellows and Blues

Tonight I sleep 
With the prince
A yellow pill
Prescribed by a Shrink
It takes me down
And makes me 
Dream of snakes
And dragons
And screaming pigs
It is not pretty
This sleep of mine
I wonder if she 
Would come back in time
Hollow though the slumber 
I call sleep 
Ah so humble
I am afraid to peek.

When I wake I take a pill
It’s blue and makes me reel
It’s suppose to make me happy
It’s suppose to make life real
But it never happens
I feel so alone
Like Elvis on the telephone
Mama help me…
“Sonny! Red! Get me the hell
Outta here”
And then I realize I never left the building
Because the dream is real
And reality is a dream
And then I take the yellow pill
It starts again
It never ever seems to end.


Details | Free verse | |

License to Kill

There is more than one way to kill a dream…..

          By bullets of sarcasm
           BY fumes of neglect
             By the suffocation of silence
               By the knife of indifference
                 By the poison of jealousy
                By the arrow of hypocrisy
              By the overdose of obsession
            By the starvation of love

There is more than one way to kill a dream…

        Who gave you the license to kill?

               Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

SICK



                                                 SICK

                             Aromas lose their piquant charm
                      Another double door,  Another vapid hall

                                      No dazzling puzzles to disarm
                                                      --- no witty repartee
                                   Nothing to look forward to
                                     But another dance of pain

                                     Another vacuous doctor handshake--
                                               clinic bred and born
                                      eyes that hesitate to meet my gaze
                                        whirlwinds grab particles of sound and sight from cyber space
                                         twirling and creating subhuman characters without hard edges
                                        --capture each tintinabulation and bouncing glance--

                                    Hope spirals down the sterile drain

                                  Victoria Anderson-Throop  2013©


Details | Free verse | |

My Shadow



Blackness, a dark version of me, badness, negativity.

No matter how fast i run or were i run too your right behind me.

Even the brightest sun doesn’t destroy you, you only exist because of me.

All i know is when i face the darkness you disappear, but to only return when the sun rises.



Details | Free verse | |

Bring On the Pain

Bringing out struggles and hardships
Echoing pain from within myself
Resounding outside my protective walls
Going again and again
Seeking relief from internal struggle
Trying new revenues for my suffering
Desperate for the answer
I turn to things forbidden and hurting
I slowly lose my sanity
As I watch the blood pour from man-made wounds
Leaking out tears and the essence of life
Leaving out pain from all thought
Ignoring the burning will power to start again
Recreating stains of ruby red
Calling for a hopeless world
That only turns their backs
I find the will to end what I started
Finishing my self-inflicted torment
And wishing I could block the pain that escaped from the holes I never thought I'd make...


Details | Free verse | |

love-a cruel chapter of life

Love feeling divine
some says love is creation of god
When a boy drowse loving a girl
boy's imagination feeling and emotion fell down
 
when a girl breaks his feelings
a boy alive still with a pain in heart
But still a boy needs love 
girl compromise with her ownself

But a boy never forget that girl and struggling with life
Never want to alive but the reason to alive is unknown
But a boy's emotions is murdered by a girl 
Happiness disappeared but a boy still alive.


Avnesh yadav


Details | Free verse | |

Don't Know

                Don't Know
It's a long pain,flowing through my veins.
Cursing the pain ,sleeping in frosty rain. 
Creeping with suffering,lying in hell.
Hangover of bearing,thuds heart without gain.
Leans over nails,crucifix the soul.
Thunders cross eyes,fills it with sacrifice.
Regretting the move,empty feel goes in vain.
Crumble down with emotion',and words get fumble.
Leaving the limelight,showing the world dark-knight.
Crossing over fear,only aftermath in light.
Ruined remains of manor,bricks fell like remains.
Bruised with wounds,cry in pain. 
Shattered dreams,walked on fire bed. 
Boulevard opens up,with dried leaves fallen dead. 
Collapse with emotions,doping is the only way.
Spoiling the sanity,diluting the originality.
Living on fast track,oldies are left to be slow.
Impelling it more,it only shakes heart spares.
          You lie in pain 
          Beats you till death 
          Kill you till your 
          last breath.


Details | Free verse | |

The Transfer

           The Transfer

Her eyes look wide and clear around
As she sees an image on a wet neglected window pane
It holds her in cold contempt’s reflection
And nothing can save her from herself
Can keep her from the 32 fluid ounces of rain
Trying to get in and get at her from the dark
Separated there by the thinnest of see through matter 
In her mind glass shatters from the past to now
Window shakes, her hands as well
Like unnerved paranoids
Waiting for the very air to attack
Like a burnt out fuse in pain 
Cowering on the ground
Nothing but a soul can save her
Something she could never have
Or purchase at the store
As the storm advances
Crawling on the floor 
She slithers to the window pane
Sanity cannot be bought
Counting every drop of rain
As they evaporate into the void
Her mind erases every thought into the glass
Reflecting she will never be the same

12/15/14 entry for Carol Eastman's "Best of 2014" - Poetry Contest


Details | Free verse | |

Stop The Ride

It started off as fun, and 
games... Who knew fun could 
turn into terrifying in a matter 
of 
seconds  ?

I scream until my lungs are 
raw, and unbearably painful .

STOP ! Over, and over until I'm 
tired of hearing the sound of 
my own voice .

The world spins faster, and 
faster as the ride continues... I 
wan't off . I want it to be over . 
I'm dizzy , and weak .

My legs tremble with fear , my 
heart beats with adrenaline .

Just stop the ride . Stop the 
ride .


Details | Free verse | |

Deceased

Middle of the night
All that is heard
Is yelling & screaming
A voice says,
"...No!...
...Why?!...
...Stop!...
...Don't do that!..."
Then nothing
Walk into the room
Nothing to see
Pitch black
One click of the light switch
All is revealed
Empty liquor bottles
Broken glass
Pills
Knife on the floor
Blood splattered all over the walls
With writing on it that reads,
"See what you made me do?"
Look on the floor
A dead body holding a gun
Look on the ceiling
A dead body hanging
What a nightmare
But a wish come true
Both parents
Dead


Details | Free verse | |

Gone

If you feel your heart 
Is beating but it is not,
If only you could still
Hear your heartbeat.

I wish to feel the breeze 
One last time
But it seems that 
I cannot feel it anymore.

I feel like I am lost
I guessed nobody will find me
Trapped in darkness like this
I think I am in the abyss.

If I touched someone
It would go right through,
If I looked into the mirror
My reflection is not there.

I realise that I am gone
I am heartless
But I could still hear 
Those sorrows trapped inside.

No more feelings,
No more pain,
No more life,
Nothing will be the same.

If you feel your heart 
Is beating but it is not,
If only you could still
Hear your heartbeat.


Details | Free verse | |

Faith Healer

The odor is intolerable
Like a foul beast clinging to the end 
I can barely subdue its subterfuge 
But here I am, 
I’m standing here of sound and mind
Waiting for the time that answers my own questions

Can it race with the fires of Orc?
Doubtful, but it can jog steadily can’t it?
The weather is awful, filled with sounds
Penetrating a document not written
It pains me to fight through the night
Not because it’s dark, but because I am just a shadow.

Lester drives but
Motional lasts forever
Still driving
Still crying
And slowly dying as time waves on
Like oceans that can’t be seen.

Nobody cares and everyone listens
Ironic, like a bible that holds lies and deception
Can its will be pierced?
Can freedom stay free?
Is it worth it to stay hooked when everyone around
Seeks liberty?


Details | Free verse | |

Storm

Nothing but a waste
you’re just a reckless disgrace
too much power
for a deceiver

It's not right
I see light
It's not near enough
for me to go 

It's my choice
so don't you treat me like a play toy
I'm not yours
to control

Cause I will storm in after you
If you take her far away from me
And I will storm in after you
If you take her to the grave with thee

You take our race for granted
and you're highly overrated
you're always taking
my friends

It's not right
I see light
It's not near enough 
for me to go

It's our choice
so don't you treat us like we're play toys
we're not yours
to control

I will storm in after you
If you take them far away from me
And I will storm in after you
If you try and take them to the grave


Details | Free verse | |

A flame once burned

All I had to do was love her with all my heart and it would be OK.
I clung to her to save her life, as she wriggled.
Love, a propped up cardboard cutout,
Trust, her whipping boy
Hope, a bloodied and bruised up mess, with its eyes swollen shut. 
A flame once burned, my ray of hope; and she placed it beneath her spoon.


Details | Free verse | |

Addiction

This addiction has me tied down to the world, tied down to myself.

Tied down to anything that whispers “I want you”.

Being seduced by its mysterious workings

Getting extruded from the truth

Sucked into the eyes of the beautiful mistress

My life swirling in the blue of her eyes

Falling deeper

Deeper into the abyss

Being swallowed by the beauty of the beast.


Details | Free verse | |

You Hurt Me

You hurt me
I wish I could hurt you back
I really wish I could
With all my heart and soul
I wish I could inflict pain
Searing....scathing...ascorbic pain
I wish I could force you to taste
The salt of the tears
Not a lick
Gulp them down
So many....
Drink down the tears
I cry in my pillow
I wish you could feel
The wracking of my sobs
I wish you could travel 
Down the corridors
Of my tortured mind
I wish you could feel the slow
Suffocation of a soul
Desolate and alone

You hurt me
I wish I could hurt you
Make you feel
What nonentity feels like
Transparency
A voice screaming
yet unheard
Above inner demon voices
Which screech and laugh
YOU'RE NOT LOVED
You gave your all
YOUR ALL
You have nothing left to give
and it wasn't enough
You are NOTHING
NOTHING AT ALL

You hurt me
I wish I could hurt you
I wish it would be ok
To hunt you down
To slap you around
To make you feel PAIN
To drive YOU insane
To take back what I gave
To forget your name
Ahhhhh....your name
It used to make me tingle
Now it brings me shame

You hurt me
I wish I could hurt you
I wish I wish I wish
I could make you pay
For taking away
The best part of me
My sense of beauty

You hurt me
Damn you
Damn you to hell
For I know
I have no power
To ever hurt you
For only love
Can bring pain
You hurt me
I hope she hurts you too!

Eileen Manassian Ghali


Details | Free verse | |

Created, The Monster

Created came with the pieces from others
Creator, he became the monster
Created had no form but learned quickly from others

Love that was instinct became over shadowed
Replaced, made worst to others

Creator abandoned 
Ashamed became 
Not of deserved self
But shame and fury for what others called a monster
He laments his own hands and condemns his brother
Not just one but all the others

Created runs from sins 
Learned, not to lean on others
Commits murder for no sake but desperation
Rage at forsaken 
All others suffer 
But worst Creator


Details | Free verse | |

Pain

Pain surrounds us Striking us every time It hurts us deeply We hope to recover soon But we never do We plunge deeper and deeper Knowing we will never get out But pain is the least of my worries I have experienced it so many times It does not bother me like it should But who knows Maybe one day I will be able to feel again Feel what I should Pain


Details | Free verse | |

When I see You

I must tell you something 
 
You always know how to make my day
When I see your smile...I grin 
When I hear your laugh...I laugh
When I feel your hugs....I know they are filled with love
When I hear your voice...I fill up with butterflies
When I see you look at me...I can only make eye contact for less then a second before 
the pain returns
 
It makes me sad that we aren't each others...
When I see you unhappy...I want to do anything to make you happy once again
When I hear you cry...I cry 
When your in pain..I know I did something to cause the pain 
When I hear your voice...I fill with sadness
When I see you look at me...I can only make eye contact for less then a second before 
the pain returns
 
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I need you and want you in my life from here on 
out! 
After today I hope when I see you I don't fill pain but with butterflies
 
I love you...my lil monster :( <3 


Details | Free verse | |

while away

The thoughts of you are never ending.
My eye's see you everywhere
My heart longs constantly and my soul is never fulfilled.
Surrender this?
Stop this?
I can not it is beyond me.
I love you more then any before and will love like this for no one after.
Your image your being carries me through the days your strength is my shield.
Some would say the pain the pain why do you suffer this but the pain is only 
because we are apart You can not reap the joy without the pain and for that Joy I 
will sustain as much pain as any has ever.
While away all is you, while I am with you all is you. Which is better which is worse 
neither I would say for in both worlds You are with me and never far away.


Details | Free verse | |

It Doesn't Really Matter In The End

( Sonnet style in free verses ) 


It doesn't really matter in the end, 
If you are black or white, rich or poor, 
Or if you are a regular Joe or a celebrity, 
Bad things, and suffering can happen to anyone that's for sure. 

The human spirit can sometimes too much endure, 
It can be yours or mine in a corner very obscure, 
Our bodies and souls can take so much for a awhile, 
But in the end it could take its toll too much trials 

There's a timetable and a clock somewhere always ticking, 
So let's not forget that wounds take a long time healing, 
God made our body, mind, soul to be resilient in time of trouble, 
But doesn't mean to ignore them and so make them for us double 

So in the end it doesn't really matter who you are,or where you go, 
Tragedy, pain and death can happen to anyone, anytime, I just know. 


Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000 
copyright@2005 


October,9,2014


Details | Free verse | |

Missing Heartbeat

She is my heartbeat, and lately my hearts skipping beats. 
I missing beats like artist miss drop dates. 
Im missing her like she was gone to the pearly gates, 
But she just a phone call away, a phone call that's not answered on any day. 
I try to mask my emotions, but they refuse any longer to stay at bay, 
they've decided they rather set to sessions, cast away to find our heartbeat. 
And I myself have to decided to do what's necessary to have her back next to me and not an ex to me, 
cause forget the next one if its not her, no one shall stand next to me. 
I left her alone, but she left me torn down the middle like disgarded paper. 
My lines are messed up like a messed up taper. 
She is, was, and will forever be my heartbeat, 
and just hear it again Ill go through hell and back, 
pick and eat up scraps just for her love again to have back. 
And all the time people talk, 
people talk about all the fish in the sea but I ain't right for them fish and neither are they for me. 
My pain is masked like halloween. 
So no matter what I step out in you don't really know me. 
But she does, from the outline of my shadow to the inside of my heart she knows me from the start. 
I wish we would have never had to part, but I pray we get another start, Im dead right now you are the beat of my heart.


Details | Free verse | |

MY SECRET

Yesterday I could have
said "I love you" but 
for fear of rejection I 
kept silent.

Yesterday when I had 
the chance I should have
held you in my arms 
but I didn't I listened instead 
with unquiet thoughts because
I didn't want to lose you...

I kept my everything well 
hidden and now that your 
gone; I wonder if had I held 
you close had I embraced 
you when I had the chance 
would you have ever reciprocated
this love that I still have for you.

I never told you now how I felt,
now lamenting cause my truth 
will have to die with me.


Details | Free verse | |

Distance

Tears of silence i weep,
Unable to understand your pain,
I wish i could offer a loving embrace,
To give you solace,
But grief has severed all ties with happiness ,
All emotion faded , leaving you in an abyss of emptiness,

Separated by a thousand miles,
Yet i hear your tear drops falling,
Powerless i watch , unable to heed your calling,
Standing helpless , as you descend into a world of no return,

My heart beats for you , as long as it can,
I hold you ,wiping your tears with my hand,
But grief still grips at the very fiber of my being,
Unable to comfort you from your suffering,
i can only watch , while you seek out an ending.


Details | Free verse | |

Truth or Acting 10-13-08

im all alone...
yet i have a multitude of friends
and loved ones surrounding me...
its depressing, really,
the life i lead.
family fighting...
friends fighting...
everyone fighting...
they hide it all so well,
the pain they're always in.
the pain they've been in
for so long they don't remember the last time they
weren't. They're like actors
and actresses, the way they hide it so well...
unless you knew what they're
going through, it's like they're
leading perfect lives...but they
aren't. They once did but they don't now and probably never will...
it's depressing, really.
the life i lead.
the lives they lead.
depressing...


Details | Free verse | |

Heartbreak

Since then I couldn't
Inside my heart
Beneath my pain
I didn't have the time to heal
Underneath all that pain and all those tears
Up until now
I didn't take the step
Across all that pain you put me through

Behind me is where I want to put this heartbreak
Thoughout my life I lived hurt, scared, lost
During that time all I could think was why me

Inside me is a new fire
The fire to take the pain and become stronger
Among me is not you 
Except when I think of what you did to me
Underneath my skin
Inside my heart
Is the most terrible heartbreak yet


Details | Free verse | |

Thats How life goes

Tonight boy has some bad news
Heard my father just lots his job
My parents say we aren't living in the struggle
But I'm not a fool I see that this road is hard
How can you fire someone that doesn't do anything wrong
But I guess that how life goes

My mother hates her fob,but she puts on a smile anyway
I feel her pain , but there is nothing I can do
I used to do dirt to sooth the pain goy caught and put to shame
I think I was the the one made us leave the church
One day the church will forgive me
But I guess that how life goes

Another of my friends is gone died in a wreck
didn't to say good bye didn't even get to say Hi
It just wasn't fair that it ended like that
Didn't go to her funeral, but went to her stone
But I guess that how life goes

Time is running so fast no time to adjust
Can't get my head straight, mind is spinning
Just hold up I getting my barrings
One day I will fix it for the family
But I guess that how life goes


Details | Free verse | |

Rekindle Me

I feel like the candle flame
As it's about to die...
So... cold...
I shrink in on myself,
A used wick curling up
Blackened and lifeless-
Now suspended in
A haze of my own smoke
Like hallucinations,
I suddenly recall
How it felt to be warm-
Face pressed against
The fire in your chest,
Roar of its beat in my ear;
I tapped its rhythm
On your collarbone
With one finger, delighted
At how fast, how erratically
It sputters at my closeness;
You laughed,
Because you understood...
Now I close my eyes,
And with one finger, I
Tap the rhythm of 
Your heartbeat 
On my collarbone-
Maybe to recall
How your fire sputtered for me
Will keep me from guttering out
Before you can return to me-
Rekindle me-
Again...


Details | Free verse | |

TIME TO MOVE

Written 20 may 2013



My faith is in you Lord
 trapped to this bed, I'm bored

How much longer shall I be still
 for I know this is by your will
 
I'm alone and at your mercy
 given up friends and family
 
My faith is struggling oh Lord
 I pray that you hear my call

I've been still, by not a choice of mine
 learning lessons through your will and time 

Patience is growing to an all time low
 lets get this operation done, lets go

I've learn't who I am and I do pray 
 so lets get moving, before I fade away....

Give me strength to handle the operation that awaits
 so that I may again see the sunlight on my face



Details | Free verse | |

Desert Rain

On a day so dry, a maiden so forlorn
Silently whispered in the ears of dunes
That flew a million miles with breeze
Erasing the tiny footsteps unseen
.......
.......


This poem is a part of my recently published book - The Solitary Verses. You are invited to read the full version of this poem:
http://www.amazon.com/Solitary-Verses-Susmita-Das-ebook/dp/B00JTD9S7U/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1398178880&sr=1-1&keywords=the+solitary+verses





Details | Free verse | |

Salamander Oasis

Our ripe minds protrude
Waiting to be ripped-
A signal to leave behind
The excess of all other moments

We allow our fallen tails
Re absorption through the ground
Back into the neverending fervor


Details | Free verse | |

Don't Make Me Laugh, Girl

Hey girl
I bet you don’t know that
I’m laughing
 
Because you are SO worried about me
You are SO anxious about the curve of my jaw
And the shine on my mouth
as though the glint might hit  “something”
And knock it over …
 
“Something” precious to you
 
But girl, never mind it
You’ll never have to mind
 
Because I am both the fool’s gold
And the fool
 
I am the terminal story
I am the grey skyline
My feet are always blistered and red
I am always tight-roping a sharp fence
I’m always on the edge
And no matter where I stop
There’s a drop on either side
 
So don’t worry, girl
I can assure you I will fall
 
Don’t worry, I have always known
My destination
Is a skinned knee
a caved in roof
the back of a river rock
Like garbage,
 Forever caught
 
Don’t worry, girl
My hair is not a decoration
But a downfall
Girl, I cry more often
than you probably thought
possible
 
You don’t have to push me
I’m pretty much always ready to move
My splintered fingers no longer wince
When picking up the broken pieces
Of my broken heart
 
This is what I do...
 
So don’t you dare
Make me laugh…


Details | Free verse | |

Lord of Nothing

I am hearing the monks again
Their silent screams in the streets of Saigon
I thought they would leave me alone
But I am haunted by their aura
The bamboo vipers 
And the smile of the tigers
Deep in the primordial 
Scream
Why do they infect my soul?
Why can I let them be and they me?
It wasn’t even my war.
I was too young to know
The inequities of war
Yet the birds fall around my feet
Every time I smell burning flesh
Perhaps I am too old for this skin of mine
A young man told me tonight 
That he recognized me as a long lost grandfather
From his Mayan roots
Did I sacrifice other men to please the God’s?
Or was I sacrificed and am now twice haunted.
Gooseflesh.  The hair on my neck stands ups.
But what about the monks?


Details | Free verse | |

Fell Apart

i reached for your hand 
and you reached for my heart
in that same instant, 
we both fell apart 

fell apart into one another 
in hopes the other would be there to 
pick up the pieces 

i'm still broken 


Details | Free verse | |

Cataclysim Revisited

If you only knew what it was to live off
life 75% feeling and 25% so called
canned reality you may realize an eventual
moment stance the chained bewildered comeby
circumstance--it takes to eek through a 
given gross day of thought square wheeled peril of 
"going fo it" watching everything in emo colors through tear
rhetoric eyes--sub glands working overtime
without pay for the moments
neverendings--unrelenting to the bread crumb
trails forgotten for the wayward bird to the dead
far reathered animal on the roadside--was the first
not the goodyear tread which kissed its life oblivion.
So much the batter better. Clean living does us all in
eventually. look at me, an example of feeling
idealology times 2in reverse Pi graced but yet
ghosted in punnett square annodicotomy in 
unequivicol blatant ignorance, by and by like the dust
layered on an empty shelf, entombed yet consistent
 deep and still--blank, devoid, and offbeatt---out of kilter.
So be it it. The ferver the merrier. I can give till the gives gone and not recollect in tune. Give green carpet grasp with the drawer open and a 
few strewn yellow pages with hopeful intent minus
a few zeros for glad integrity. Someday, 3/4 time,
Pass/Fail or just audit it. Poor icome tax fool.
Substantial penality for Early withdrawal---sexual
tax evasion. Try to fix-get the kix in the social facehole.
We've reached a blank toe verdict and you're it!
Try and recompass if you dare mediazed--branded
intermittent idiocracy implosion. Get a flute. Ohhhh do you work at the 
lab-as a  labite? CSo much for appearance sake. Entrail
rehab should be an art form--in renal time
Bury me please in some stupid clean earth
to initiate my bare broken flesh--carry me back
to old Ahia whenced I was loined. Thanks
Dad--I know I am a lot like you---How?
I just feel it-------------------or was I adopted?? Really??? 


Details | Free verse | |

Broken is my Heart

It was mid December. The warm summers always cease to escape me. Leaving with nothing but
a long cold and bleak winter.
The fire was the only thing in this dark chamber of a home that kept me company. And as it
burned with life and bestowed it's
warm light unto me I couldn't help but think of the reason for my pain. For you see there
are many pains out there.
All we must face and fight and cry and hurt and do the best we can to make somewhat of a
recovery, but my pain seemed to never end.
So long it stayed, dormant, like a thorn in my heart, like a wound that would never heal,
like an endless winter.
Love had found me and i let it slip away. With it i had felt pain i had never known exist.
I felt sick, no medicine could rid me of this
illness that is a broken heart. Rather a stolen heart. I let her have it and she took it
with her, to the grave. Now there is but an empty
shell that was once a man. So what now? Find love again? The only thing i will find is the
terrible memory of my loss. So to my sweet,
i say i have only but one wish...to be with you. To hold you again, but this will not be.
It cannot be.

Suicide is painless really.
it gives you numbness. unable to suffer or love. 


Details | Free verse | |

Story Rings True Now

Will I go with the beast Or will I strangle it Just to go and drop the hint Openness escapes me The devil is in my arms May I beat him down With my souls essence A dynasty is within me A gross of pelicans lift me Taking me highly above To where Satan cannot find me I shall conquer the essence Of horrid and painful evil That envelops my very being Should destroy it all And bring my soul higher Or shall I stay in horror With each day deflating me I will succeed in success And my soul with fly Love will defeat all death The harmonious realm bends Moves to my joyful will Luck isn’t the life force Hope and faith and Love Bring me to victory Slamming the end of time Into nothingness The story rings true now And peace is in my heart And love is the focal point And is the center of my existence For all time, forever
Russell Sivey


Details | Free verse | |

gods love saved me

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a cross roads. The choice we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.
Struggle all my life with the demons I held inside. Taking pills to numb the pain in hopes it would all fade away. Walk around with a fake smile on my face. Just to hide the pain no one else could see. My emotions running wild and free through my mind. Like a roller coaster out of control at times. I could not take another semester of bad grades. Or walking around the world in a daze. So I took the plunge and quit the meds. Scared to death of the anxiety attacks that awaited me. Not sure how I was going to handle the bipolar disease. The ADHD was a whole other story. Having to sit still and focus was a joke. I was out of options and at the end of my rope. When I listened to a friend who said give this a try. He took my hand and guided my way Telling me stories of the love god has to give. Little by little my faith began to grow. The emptiness in my soul was no longer a hole. Day by day my mind is renewed. I no longer fight my demons at night. God has sent an angle to protect me from the fight. Holding my hand I am never alone. God has my back until I come home.
Cory Long
Gail Doyle's contest Standing at a cross road
October 3, 2012


Details | Free verse | |

Wake Up and Die

I watch the peddles fall but my eyes are dry	
I just can’t remember a better time
Now the skies grow dim and birds won’t fly
Yah there’s nothing I see that’ll make it shine
I see rolling balls and empty hands
The world is shameless for those who can’t even stand
And the man in slacks who speaks on the podium
His lies preaching out how we’re not alone.

So wake up and die		
Dig out your graves		
Prepare for the laughter
Through the haze
Too much loss 
Prevented your gains
Rise up with your brothers
Cause we’re all the same

The bars are easy to fill and life’s been too hard
So quick to get into and not too far
Drinking wasted taxes and politician’s lies
Hiding back your distaste right behind your eyes
Singing about the railroad and the power of love
Shoulda brought them together before they sung
Now they’ve chased them back to a life of pain
Their lies preaching still how we’re all the same

Going backwards 
we can’t accept the past
Moving forwards 
we hope we’ll last
run by lords 
we see power from their hands
walk by love and
we’ll take a stand


Details | Free verse | |

in a mind life goes on

you died long ago;
 yet i still feel your breath
brush against me
like pen on paper
hard-pressed
searching a mind
for answers
unfound

i try to stay 
inside the lines
they are everywhere
i turn 
and I turn
wrist upward
and feel you
like a knife
against flesh
full force

it drains me
and i die
within each poem
born

and yet
somehow
you live


Details | Free verse | |

I ONLY SEE YOU IN PICTURES

I heard you hit a glitch today,
I don’t know if it is true, it’s just hear say.
Back then you used to tell me everything
Tell me I’m the only one who you could confide in
But now I only wonder how you doing.
I only see you……..
Yes, I only see you in pictures. 

I heard you were being promiscuous 
I don’t know if it’s true it’s just hear say.
Clubbing uncontrollably, some even call you a typical slut.
It hurts me,
But now I only wonder how you really doing.
I only see you………
I only see you in pictures.

I heard you had finally found a soul mate.
I don’t know if it’s true, it’s just hear say.
They say you say he loves you,
As much as you love him
I’m happy if it’s true, you deserve it.
But I always wonder how you doing.
I only see you……….
Yet I only see you in pictures. 

I heard you were pregnant.
I know it is true, for I saw you
With that little baby bump, 
You looked so happy, so fulfilled.
I was happy,
But I wonder how you doing.
I only see you………….
I saw the baby bump in pictures.

I heard you had a baby
No one knew if it was a boy or a girl.
He /she looked so precious in your arms, so beautiful I couldn't tell either.
You merged so well, 
I almost cried, could have been my god daughter.
Like we planned.
I was happy, you were happy
But I only see it……….
I saw the baby in pictures.

You might not know,
But I still care, still look back at all good times we shared.
All the dreams we had, but time my friend,
Time changes a lot, time takes away a lot.
I miss you.
But I see you………
I see you as much as I can,
Whenever I can.
And I always wonder how you doing.
But it’s alright, for I know you will be alright.
As long as I see you…..
Yes, as long as I see you in pictures.


©Herzel Poshiwa 
written for a dear friend who is still close to my heart. 


Details | Free verse | |

The Wind Will Never Forget

The tears of life now sleep with them
the guns have found their silence.
These fields of war are now in peace,
only the poppies remain 

These red petals that cover this land
with remembrance of yesterday,
of the suffering and pain,
for our lads have passed this way.

These brave boys
Who bore their innocence 
to this thing we call war
who renounced their gift of life for us

Strangers to you and me
yet more dearer to our souls than family
for here lies the cross of Jesus
the pain of everyman

That sacrifice that only youth can give
their epitaph is our peace 
The rose of England bows its head
in reverence and humbled grace
and may god bless all of them

For our boys were the roses
that flowered in every village
the Jack’s and Jimmie’s
the Tom’s and the Bert’s
No more footsteps for mother to hear
their laughter stolen by the wind
all quiet now in village square

But on a wall in a foreign land
their names are lovingly remembered.
Grandchildren shout their names with pride
for they are the seeds of England
 this immortal rose cannot die
for they were beautiful 

And we who are alive
you who take the time to stop
who bow your heads in silence
will feel their pain
 
Feel the pain of Nations grief
as the petals fall from above
and we will remember life
for life is what they gave to us
 
The poppies that grow in Flanders field
are reminders of those who have no grave
and our tears will remember them too.
We who live in freedom,
because of them, because of them.


Details | Free verse | |