These are the confessions of an Anarchist,
stepped away from the light,
entered the shadows
of forbidden caverns,
the caves, tunnels
and catacombs of anarchy.
Here a constant, cold caress
a persistent inner rain
pooling alongside lonely thoughts.
Nothing would grow that deep underground,
not even fungus, nor lichen.
I survived on sheer will and dampness,
lungs mutated into gills,
eyes became accustomed
to this ever-present night.
A Mission lost in translation and transmission,
a rogue satellite orbiting
through thin air's mind-bending space,
cut-off from other agents of Anarchy.
I slithered along corridors of broken souls,
fed on regurgitated thoughts
and drowned dreams of cities burning down,
melting like hot candle wax.
How I wanted the cities above to burn!
To burn down into the ground
in waves of rolling thunder and lightning.
Not able to differentiate between night and day,
weeks gave birth to months
in a C-section of fleeting years.
Somehow I stumbled upon a side entrance,
felt warmth pushing in,
and my will shattered apart,
fusing back together into Plan B.
As I broke the surface,
light seared my tightly shut eyes,
breaching eyelids with ease.
The pain felt wonderful,
changing into a delirious exultation
and heated comfort,
thawing out frozen, stiff bones.
Rays of sunlight rippled across my skin,
evaporating the slimy, cavernous musk,
burning me on the outside,
cleansing me from the inside.
Eventually I was able to keep my sore eyes open
while they felt ready to sizzle and explode from sensory overload,
globules floating through my vision.
The first thing I clearly saw
was not close up magnified,
but the distant horizon enveloped in a halo
of lemon haze, arching between two mountain peaks.
skin buzzing from the sun's heat.
how sunlight changes the perspective of nightmares,
revealing reality's potential fibers,
balancing the darkness within,
bending the remaining droplets of lost hope
into a prismatic ribbon of brilliance and prayer,
always evading the deep-rooted catacombs below,
a place I will choose to forego,
only entering within memories,
until even these are burned away by sunlight,
until even these are cleansed by sunlight.
2013 Double-Rainbow Remix
December 18th/19th, 2013
(originally written April 12, 2011)
When my final shadows cling on desperately
Where I fight formidable battles
to merely hold the light
I send you loving vibrations
and soul sustenance
Deep from the cathedral
of one heart to another
where today no choirs sing
nor symphonies play
Yet it is here where we meet
in spiritual solace
here to surrender
and exchange inestimable treasures
like unopened letters
Galaxies are stretched
over chronicles of shared history
Nebula birthing stars
will be exposed
in forth-coming conversations
bringing short-lived fulfillment to you
Hungry to feast
now will be the time
to approve your blood art vision
and with my own haunting surrender
as dappled shades ink stain your chest
I will reside with you and share, mesmerised
pens - by branding
as this will be your written reams to me
your artist's pallet or brushed canvas
no need for words
and yet creating
mysterious magical moments
Bitter-sweet the music
that dances taut guitar strings
but now blood approved
please go kick your heel up
return to your laughter
and ride on the breeze
for not all are lost
for I am with you always
to love, listen and comfort as one
with you in me and I in you
In the past, my country
cradled me within her womb,
but our roles reversed.
I held her in my arms,
felt her slip away.
I lost my country today.
Gave her up to synthetic medicine,
and pie-charts overseas.
They wrenched her from my arms,
took her from my loving arms
to poke, to prod and draw blood.
I prayed while watching attempts made
at her resuscitation,
as greedy hands held out pens,
prodding me to fill in the proper forms.
The world is on lithium,
the drug has defiled the last drop of clean water.
My country was on lithium,
for her, the vibrant colours turned into dull grays,
and in the end, her heart gave way
from having spent too many decades
trapped within a gilded cage.
She had an organ donor card -
her organs were sold off one-by-one
while she still clung onto life.
Her organs were removed,
replaced with waving flags
and roaring stadiums.
Men from every standing, race and creed,
groped Motherland's body
after causing her to bleed.
Many men had laid with her.
Oh, how they did.
At least some men showed decency,
graced her with meaningful caresses.
But they were far and few between -
between the rape, miscarriages and spoils.
Lithium is being slipped into my drink,
into my food, into the very air I breathe,
so daily I purge,
horrified by my country's overdose.
She looks decrepit, splayed out in the morgue,
a cardboard ticket hanging from a big toe
like an empty, whorish price tag.
I will have to give her a proper burial in my mind,
for they are going to have Mother embalmed,
encase her in a glass coffin,
and put her on display.
Our Mother passed away,
yet the land is here to stay.
I will walk across clear-cut ridges,
pass through neon-lit distractions
as a gypsy vagabond.
From now on, the territorial lines
mean nothing more to me than rules to follow.
The shell of this country remains,
Nationalism has turned empty-hollow.
I lost my country today.
Gave her up to synthetic medicine,
and pie-charts overseas.
I lost my country today,
held her in my arms,
watched her slip away,
felt her slip away.
April 30th, 2012
I stare at my ceiling,
I start to wonder, why am I not healing?
Then it dawns on me,
The nightmare clip starts to roll.
I shake and shiver and wince at every little thing.
I'm scared to death,
What does this all mean?
I start to cry,
I feel as if I might die.
Then I grab my blade,
The tears come quicker.
My breath starts to quicken,
My grip on the blade makes my knuckles turn white.
In the mirror is where I see that my ivory skin is now blotchy and red.
I tell myself, "This may be the last time, if you finally cut deep enough."
So I try my best not to make a sound
As I sit up in bed and hold my wrist out in front of me.
I count to three,
I put the blade to my wrist.
I start to add pressure.
I yank the blade across my skin,
It pierces and then I start to bleed.
I suddenly want it to stop,
But there's no going back now.
I wonder why it came to this,
I know nobody cares about me,
I know nobody is going to forget me.
Quietly I say, "I'm sorry."
But nobody is there,
No one will ever be.
I start to fade out of this world,
My addiction would finally be gone,
And so would I.
I was lost,
Lost and angry.
Suddenly, it was gone,
I woke up screaming.
The pain was oh-so real.
Demons of faith,
A dweller lost in the perfect Odyssey.
Bricks of memories, barricade my way out.
Growing gray within the ageless centuries.
Steady rivers, at the pitch of one response.
Times out, by the heat, and beauty.
Tragedy is never a fear to announce.
The drug that takes to cure, the world,
~ lost in a torn humanity.
Harmless, results and tears
~ struck in every way, in the same day.
Sneaky thoughts up my sleeve.
I will leave, the envious of me, this you best believe,
There is no way in...
I found the perfect way out...
That get in my way..
Waking up in a dusty road.
Unleashing every load.
Today's a different day, still I wake up the same way.
But, today life is reversed.
I find myself with an endless thirst.
Tossing me into a 700 degree level,
I shine away from the path of the dust devil.
Swirling all around, forbidden to enter my bound.
Your pitch at me,
a fever I want no more.
Now I can see, the emptiness of the things inside of me.
Now I can feel, my soul reaching out to heal.
Breaking every cold sweat,
Shivers, pneumonia a life of regrets.
Withdrawals left behind.
Symptoms, showing the fever is gone.
Into my life*
Another layer of lavender scented lotion
Rubbed in vehement laughter
A quelling of sadness
Covered up in mascara insanity
Livid strokes of feathered paintbrushes
Hoping to see the big picture
She cried like oil paintings without a purpose.
A treasure hunter searching for rubbery remedies
Without heart’s sanctified atrium
To light the way
She bled from carnivorous pores
Bites against feeding palms
Struggling licks upon pacifier wounds
Stone’s lonely lyric
Thrown against fragile lighthouses
Beaming through unacceptable horizons
Investigation of deity’s hidden agenda,
She questions validation’s esophagus
Its vocal chords
Another squeeze from lavender bottle
Its exhales shedding infantile whisper
A bounced reality check
Declaring that it wasn’t a disease
That afflicted her bones
©Drake J. Eszes
A soul unites with a vessel. With no preconceived notion of what lies ahead.
A soul, upon arrival is molded by senses, by experiences, by emotions.
A soul is innately adept at navigating the treacherous and tumultuous upheaval
created by conscious thought.
For if not.........
A soul becomes lost
A lost soul acts within a vessel ,yet remains unattached, unaware, and unbalanced
A lost soul can not process its own feelings, its own reality, its own existence
A lost soul has no sense of direction, no sense of reason, no sense of purpose
It clings only to the will to press onward
For if not............
A soul becomes trapped
A trapped soul is bound to its vessel. One entity caged within another.
A trapped soul dwells in circles on that which enslaves it. Unwilling, unable
A trapped soul withers, and weakens, and wonders.............and near its end it hopes
And in this hope the shackles that bind need be unbreakable
For if not..................
A soul becomes free
A free soul is independent of its vessel.Unrestricted, unencumbered and in control
A free soul molds that which lies before it, reaching beyond comprehension.
A free soul has found itself. It does not gain understanding, it is understanding. It
does not seek purpose, it is purpose. I does not fear life, It is life.
For if not...........
A soul becomes irrelevant
Feel me,an emotion deep inside your heart,a wild white simple daisy,
reincarnated in a soft crimson rose,a scarlet heart of velvet petals,
birthed in embroided silk of mystique passion.A bacchus of wine
filled with perfumed aroma,filled with fragrant thoughts of you.
Feel me,as I come in your night,a soft gentle wind,through your window,
caressing your face,kissing your cheeks,breezin you in sweet dreams,
to a forest,by the lake,there we lie down,on a mattress of golden leaves.
Feel me,as we go for this ride on the open wings of love and fantasies.
Feel me close to you,as Iget lost in you and you get lost in me,
as you taste the nectar of my cherry red lips,as we kiss,a moist wet kiss.
Feel me, in the fresh liquid raindrops,cleansing your worries and troubles away,
as I pat your back,as we talk,as I listen and understand,as we walk, and giggle
in the park,on a wooden bench,under yesterday's fireflies'lanternes.
Feel me as we lie on the sand,gazing in each other's warm eyes,
cheered by the tamed silver waves,watching a universe of of stars,
hugging under the ebony black sky.Feel me,as I dip my brush in finest oils,
and paint a path of colored rainbows,a path where we can find each others arms.
a path where we can dream,where we can live and love,where we will never
be apart again.Feel me a candle burning in never ending flames of passion,
a lady,so deeply in love with you.Can you feel me?Can you Feel the touch of me?
Soft and tender a precious gift you were
never a day I missed to kiss your
dimpled cheeks , or hold your litlle hands
flowers, little buds that held a promise
of a gentle touch or warm embrace.
I know your face your crooked smile even your feeble cry
I knew you love of my life
but did not know your were here only for a time.
You knew me too I could see it in your eyes
sparkling gems that flashed when you saw my face.
Now you've gone to a place far away, to your home in the sky
from whence you came and stayed a little while.
Another angel I have now, this one I know so well
I'll always remember your smile, and dimpled cheeks
your busy hands and little feet.
My guardian angel you've come to be
one I was blessed to meet... to know.. to embrace ....to love...
now I know you came not to stay only to make my acquintance and I yours
My heart is sad for I miss you so my infant child
wish you had stayed awhile.
How I cried when you left and though my tears have now dried
I will always miss you though you stay by my side.
You are my special Angel the one I know best
the one I have held, loved and known, better than all the rest.
Just to let readers know. I have not lost a child. I simply wrote this poem for all
who may have lost such a precious one.
Yes the love you evoke
The heart you wove
Spirit you broke
Shadow am I
Go to the Witch of Endor
yes my love
one weepeth dust
wind blows cold
Feeling is lost
struggle to breathe
seas are tossed
Was I dead my lover?
yes I believe so
the shroud my cover
You arose from death
shined love on me
I am resurrected
was blind now I see...