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Free Verse Loss Poems | Free Verse Poems About Loss

These Free Verse Loss poems are examples of Free Verse poems about Loss. These are the best examples of Free Verse Loss poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

Double Phantasy

Mama, did you know the precious amethyst shadow hours
I spent beside you, cuddled cosy-close, nestled in blankets of light,
shawled in your red-gold hair? I kissed each tear you cried;
each one a starlight pearl forged from the depths
of your fragile soul. I rocked seashell-shut to each lullaby note
and silently watched as you rocked my cold, empty cradle.
Sometimes you sensed me coiled at your breast -
a small balled knot of grief. You felt my tiny fingers plucking at you
as tingling shivers. And sometimes I bounced sunshine-free
on your knee, a giggling orb of light.

Little one, once again I felt you here,
entombed in the womb of this eternal everywhere room,
your spirit sifting through my fingers like hourglass sand.
Pain has blanked my mind wraith-white, but I felt
your lips nip the warm rosebuds of my nipples
as I pressed a lullaby to the delicate shell of your ear
and brief blessed seconds spun out like years.
My sentient heart will always hold you, my grip will never slip
as my earthbound hands, human-warm, reach through time
and heather-shadowed ether to love and care for you.





*'phantasy' is a deliberate misspelling, an amalgamation of 'phantom' and 'fantasy'


Details | Free verse | |

Tissue Box

like visitors from outer space
they came with tears, and lined the sidewalk
long in face, and arms embracing
some (I have no inkling) who
they were or why they felt compelled to come here
dozens came with casseroles
a few with flowers, wads of tissues
tender words of helpless mutterings
many acts of generous offerings

don't get me wrong, I watched the suffering
expressed in words or acts of kindness
I watched it all, and felt the love
did not dismiss the warm compassion
returned it all, with pure compliance
a thankful heart, a swollen throat

I hugged these strangers at the door
to comfort them, who shed their tears
upon my shoulder, offered them
a place to share their sympathies
a place to spend their mercy, pure

                but, this was my child who suffered loss
                impossible........I can't express it

protected from the very start, by
loving hands, her dad's and mine, 
we watched her grow, and let her go
she grew from the vine ....into a rose
but life composed a tragedy with goals
beyond our reach...beyond our wildest dreams
and left her with a loss beyond control

like visitors from outer space we watch
as others come, and others go
they blow into their tissue wads
and empty the boxes one by one
and cry with us,  and then they all go home

do we cry........?  Oh no, not yet...
instead we smile a grateful smile
and thank them kindly for the while
and for the ways they share their love
but we can't cry into our own clenched wad
of tissue from the tissue box
she needs us to be strong, somehow
and so that is the way it is, we vow...to hold back all the tears for now


                for, this was my child who suffered loss
                impossible........I can't express it
      __________________________________________





4/12/13


Details | Free verse | |

Forty Today

Visited you today
as the sun set in the horizon…

the orange tinged carnations 
were a perfect complement 
for the skies
and for you… 
orange and blue
always remind me of you

the winds softly blew
and I just sat there
staring at the grass,
well more at your name really…

hardly believing
what I am looking at, 
that it’s been seven years

of missing you,
of just putting that reality
at the back of my mind…

But there are days,
such as today
which make me 
confront that reality—

I see your smile,
remember your laughter
celebrate your spirit
and your love

Tears, I tell you I have
the most stubborn tears
maybe because they 
make it so real for me?

I look around me
and look for that sign

Nope, not there…

I say a prayer
and speak to you
thankful for the life shared

I kiss the date that you were born

and walk away

my reflection on the car window
misty

One last look around,

and then I see it…

a cat, as we drive away…

Skies now streaked purple and pink


**My brother would have been 40 today, May 6…


Details | Free verse | |

Things That Seemed Poetic

Things that seemed poetic were always sad,
though I yearned for sparkle
and my dad's guffaw, which never came.
Familiar things were always drear --
repeated motions in the same old game.
There were only distant glimpses
of budding spring, fleeting views
of daffodils. The strongest
poems dealt me death and dying.
Yet I always hoped, never went under
to gray despair, always dreaming
of a garden of love that we could share.
But those forbidden delights faded
quickly away; the only reality
I understand is the ever-looming
and final one. Nothing's changed.
The strongest poems deal death and dying.


Details | Free verse | |

My Turn To Cry

I’ve distanced myself
I didn’t mean to
Didn’t set out to do it
An unconscious act of the mind 
For self preservation

My visits went to once a week
Sunday dinners that once lasted for hours
Became shorter and shorter
Until now its get in
Get it cooked
Clean it up 
Visit
And we’re out

Occasionally circumstances would
Happen and one would be missed
Oh well I’ll go during the week
Sometimes I did
Sometimes I didn’t
Today my heart cried to be near you

I entered the home and immediately
Settled my mood into the atmosphere
Funeral home-esque for lack of a better description
I speak in hushed tones
Slow my movements
And quiet my spirit

You want something
Oh thank you give me a job
What do you need???? Anything
I’ll gladly do anything

So many things hurt you now
You who were so tough reduced to such pain
Questions, answers, questions, answers
Over and over and over
This is the part I know
I’ve practiced this so many times before

You speak and in mid sentence you cry
Have I seen my sister,,you can’t remember 
Ever seeing my sister, have you seen her
Yes mom remember mom
My answers are calm
Almost rehearsed
Repeated
Sterile

You look searching in my eyes
Yours, sunken, confused,
Pained, with a depth of sadness
I haven’t seen before
I look away.

I meet all the needs you’ve asked of me
I pat you, hug you, pray with you
I look at my brother, the saint
He’s tired, worn, sad
 
I leave, I’m OUT
I drive
How’d I get here
How long have I been driving
The sky so desperately gray
Muted tones of nothingness
The air feels so heavy
Like a shroud encompassing me
Choking me

The river runs beside me
It rages from the wind
There’s no stopping its power
It’s dark and gloomy and brown
And suits my mood

I try to pray
HOW DO I PRAY
Do I pray for healing,
Health, life, death
Joy, maybe peace

I cry out to you
I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PRAY
I look to the sky and see
The smallest spot of the most beautiful sapphire blue
In a sea of nothing
And I cry


Details | Free verse | |

A Soul awakened

This battle brews inside me
The pain I feel in my heart ripping it apart
And my soul who wants to be redeemed

The movement of my pen beats in my chest
In my veins my words flow like the rage of rivers in storm 

I’m caught in these lyrics that Awaken my soul
That cry out for eternity 

Yet my heart is trodden
 at times I swear it is not beating

Our hearts rose up like kindred knights ready to defend our land
but the soul was fulfilling its destiny
it would not be beaten, no matter…
it had awakened to truth

but our hearts knew only torment
and could not understand
all that was happening,
that God had a plan

so my pain exposes itself
 in my thoughts manifesting to script
as it beats in my chest with a rhythmic pulse
that brings me to my knees

We had no time to prepare
Only to fight
Flailing around Hope
With all of our might

 as if it were the weapon that would save us from our enemy
for that’s all we had was our sword of Hope

This battle we were not prepared for.
Like a sneak attack, it caught us in slumber
when the army of death ascended upon our world

my heart said I love you
you are my universe and life has no meaning without you
I will fight till my shallow breath abates
Till your soul takes the last blow...

And I did!
We Did!

We did not surrender
We had no chance 
Our hearts fought a losing battle

My awakened soul shouts out with acceptance…
“you will one day know the reason, but not now”
For this is your time to experience 
what was lovingly bestowed upon you from our God,
who knows what we need

So now I write from my pain… It helps me to cope…

It is the sword I carry…

My only Hope


Details | Free verse | |

Aftermath

That December
I stumbled through twisted tinsel streets,
oblivious to ice and seasonal shouts,
muffled by snow-silence; a mannequin moving through mists,
quietly fragmenting behind frost-fragile walls of frailty.

Bleak winds blew open the hinges of my hypothermic heart,
wailed a wintry lament only I could hear -
ice-shrapnel words blown to lodge in my ear: you've lost the baby.
Those four words were spiked icicles, glacier-cold;
hope disintegrated like snow-powder as they pierced me.

Streets seemed pregnant with the plumpness of babies,
their waxen doll faces bluish and cold,
their pink gummy mouths demanding, demanding.
And my breasts were frozen roses,
too iced to feed their tiny need.

Snowflakes trembled like butterflies blown from the Arctic,
or the feeble flutter of a failing foetal heartbeat.
The town became a barren expanse of white:
cold crystals drifting, acres of snow-diamond light.
But shops shimmered with heat, bulged bauble-gaudy

with the fatness of consumerism.
And I was reed-slender, my womb a hollowed-out tomb.
Everywhere, babies bloomed, precious as poinsettias,
mouths like petals, squirmy with hungry red cries and squalls,
echoing, echoing, as I squinted into the white squall.

And a ribbon of milk unloosed itself silently,
sudden and scalding, like a fountaining of tears;
a lacework trace soaking my shimmer thread sweater dress;
a single, small, white thaw as I silently unravelled,
stumbling through streets that spooled like silver yarn -

that December.





9/11/2013
for 'Fragment' contest


Details | Free verse | |

A Practiced Sorrow

You’re dressed in gray, and
tattered like the clouds
that hover above you.

Frozen
with the look of a person
who knows of his own
approaching death.

Like the willow that cradles 
dawn's mist of unwept tears—
a practiced sorrow,
earned from decades of watching 
the slow meandering river,
as it draws closer, 
and the banks weather and fall.


Details | Free verse | |

Only in a Different Life

Only in a Different Life

Looking through the window of a shop,
I see you with a woman.
She lifts long auburn hair
while you, who stand behind her,
are fastening a strand of pearls
around her slender neck.
I close my eyes envisioning. . .

I've opened them to you facing me,
and I'm the woman
with the red-brown locks!
You touch my cheek, and in your eyes
I read an urgent need.
You lead me to the door,
around the corner to an empty alley.
Our bodies press together.
In the chill of night,
I taste warm, wild kisses on my mouth.
"Darling, my darling," escapes my lips,
then suddenly my reverie is broken.

A passerby has stopped
to place a dollar in my cup.
Murmuring my thanks,
I gaze once more into the store where
diamond rings and necklaces glitter
like new snow beneath a winter moon.
The man whom I could know
only in a different life,
who stands inside the store
where I could never go,
takes his sweetheart's hand,
leads her past me
pretending not to see
a common homeless woman
who yearns for so much more
than mere necessities.

(One of my very first poems posted at Soup. All I can see are
congrats for being featured, so I don't believe it was ever in 
a contest!)


Details | Free verse | |

After The Abortion

Another would-be life slips down a hospital sluice -
a mangled tangle of tissue, a broken bouquet of limb buds.
Carmine carnage reduced to simplistic statistic.
But these hospitals are blanched mausoleum-white,
operating slabs are sarcophagi, stirruped legs are strung high,

and a crimson slurry seeps from between splayed thighs.
Death-pimp doctors are gloved and gowned, loom grandiose,
assume arrogance and surgical masks of indifference.
Feminine thought frisks to freedom now:
the biannual foreign holiday, career climbing and the company car.

Birth is an inconvenient blip on the social calendar.
Huddled horror-mute before my Philips flat-screen last night,
peering through the fretwork of my fingers,
a sickening frisson shivered through me; vertiginous waves
breaking on my body's shore, faintness flooding my head.

Today I cannot elude my abhorrence;
it overshadows me, obliterates former complacency.
Tonight people will be on the pull in club-clotted towns,
and bedsprings will squeak a soulless sound
as more life is made to be taken.


Details | Free verse | |

These ribbons I tie as you leave

Blue – 
for your arm wrapped around
my clavicle. I thought
I would loose my breath.

Red – 
for the cusp of our hip bones
struggling to pull the drunken color
from our orange cheeks.
and our sweat, our sweat, our sweat
evaporating 
in the drenched summer air.
Our pants futile afterthoughts
Left crumpled on the floor
It is here I asked for your respect
And you filled me with it.


Orange – 
for the musk smell of our blanket den. I would watch the way dawn light
speckled your shoulders, pale, white-blue
Iridium. 
I would trace the ink
of your skin, fingertip hovering a half inch
from your bone. 

Green – 
for how my name would hesitate
on your breath in brief puffs 
like dandelion seeds blown from 
My wistful lips when I was 
eleven 
waiting for them to bring back my wish.

Black – 
for my sleeveless dress, as we strolled from 
your father’s funeral.  

It was the only time I watched you cry.

There were little holes in the cement sidewalk.
They filled with rain, oil
And your tears.
I watched your face change through 
their watery colored reflections.


Pink – 
for the way your skin repels from my 
Touch, quivers as though my finger- 
print were a red hot poker.
You haven’t allowed me to touch you
In a year.

Purple – 
for the color of her font, as she responds to you. It is an eager
Color. She responds with all the passion of an Eskimo kiss. 

You left her waitng..always.

I have been special to you,
she replies to your
overtures.

Her letters 
Who blush
like a maid
Who’s felt the hot moist
whisper of something naughty
tickle against her ear lobe.

White – 
for the way your eyes punch accusations
sharper then your razor tongue.

They spit 
blue crackled lightening,
like an angry alley cat.

My words cannot reach you here.
You will leave.

We will divide our booty

Words that once held my name like a piece
Of carefully folded origami
now hiss cold 
devoid like the plaster of our empty room.

Grey- 
for the morning 
now knocking on my window.

I am livid in my withdrawal, tossing and turning
I can find no comfort
in
the tangle of these vacant sheets. 




Details | Free verse | |

Unfettered Words

Sometimes between the lines,
trembles the hallows of unspoken goodbyes,
expectant and charged, like a theater scene,
in the moments before the curtain rises.

In the dream that I've had,
I am southward bound, so it must  be early autumn.
Someone has turned a giant dimmer switch,
and the sky is grayer.....
Wild thorn-berries have been picked, all the branches are bare, 
the gutters are filling, and evenings are long.
Through the limbs of knotted trees, 
a sun flitters between light and shadow.

Leaves are adrift, disturbed,
littering the  twilight sky
with unfettered words,
clamoring against the leadlight of a window,
pleading to be heard.

Somehow, the leaves are swept away,
by a bridled hesitation.
No summer aria has been sung,
and the words go unsaid.
Leaves fall to the ground,
and the light leaves the world.

The red velvet drape descends,
leaving unfettered leaves, and unsaid words, adrift, in the dark.






______________________________________________
7/29/14
For The Contest "Vibrant Verse"  Sponsored By Charlotte Puddifoot


Details | Free verse | |

A Love Story

The girl is an ultra-modern scholar, 
Belongs with an upper-middle class family. 
Looking very nice, smart, gets angry suddenly. 
She reads M.A in English at Presidency University. 
She is assimilating to the ideas of Shakespeare, 
Shelley, Keats, Neruda, Byron...
Fluently speaks English, loves cricket. 
Shoulders are shaken by expression.
She cries alone, laughs with everyone....

The girl is very good.

The boy is a post-modern educated son of a lower-middle class family.
He studies M.A in Bengali at Calcutta University.
He is assimilating to the routes of Vaishnab literature,
Ideas of Bharatchandra, Rabindranath Tagore, Nazrul, Jibanananda...
Writes poems, sings song, loves football.
He walks on the high-street and observes people.
He laughs alone, listens to everyone...

The boy is very good.


They are attracted by the opposite personality!
The  girl wants that her lover will be a modern man.
The boy thinks that his lover will become as the mind of his. 
 
They are changing silently
Losing individuality.

Time flows.
Love goes to another address... 

SANDIP GOSWAMI, INDIA


Details | Free verse | |

If I Cry

If I cry
It must be the memory
Of a skirt unlifted by a gust
To still a boy's misery 
And wipe my eyes dry
Of tears
For the way time sears
Us like flowers
And reaped my mother 
Before I was ready to let her go.

If I cry
I cry for days she sheltered me
From a child's web of fallacy
And put her spittle on my knee
Where bruised flesh 
Was a boy's view of tragedy.
I would press my face
Against her dress
And feared no goliath
Or loneliness.

If I cry
I cry for evenings on the porch
When she gathered us
Our feet white with blowing dust
And hunger like a miner
Drilling us
We had so little to eat some days
But she with prayers picked fruits
Of heaven's mercy
And we thankful ate together
And heard her ancient anecdotes
Of ancestors' exploits that floats
Still upon a manhood sky.

If I cry
I cry that mothers' days are meaningless
When the sight of flowers
Are frail veils upon a grave
And the customized Christmas cards
Will not sparkle her eyes
Just before the kiss upon my cheek
Honoring me for faithfulness
And knowing her love measures more
More than a day
More than the years that sums earth's decay.

If I cry
I cry for the love of my mother
For the woman and life giver
For God to bring
Order to this unruly thing
That spoons our purpose to a cup
Swallow us
Before the dusk with each sup
Of time, diminishing us
I cry for faith to hold my trust
Against the agony of loss
Death is a demonic disgust
That makes me long
To substitute all tears for angels song.

If I cry
Preserved my hope with brine of eye
To live again
Without death or pain
And run with my mother
Through the clapping ovation of summer rain.


Details | Free verse | |

Time's Loving Deceit

Anger flies with swift wings
As tedious pleas for more time reverberate through his mind
He is the servant of Time- yet takes the blame
When her clawed hand unwinds the clock
He, the sovereign of the dark, the one and only truth!
Is at the front of the onslaught of screams

He moves soundlessly, a shadow in the world
Tormented whispers scattering around him
Fear spreading wildfires' shrill promise
Mercy, a withering carcass in a crude burial
He became Hope's last regret
When he became the prince of darkness,
Forgoing all he once was, and all he could have been 

When he sailed away from home, his love for Time burned
He had loved her, caressing her supple frame
Faithfully staying by her side,
And Time managed to wrap her cruel talons 
Around his frozen heart
Dwindling him down to nothing more, than abject self-loathing
And she trapped him within her bondage, for eternity
Now he wanders, over and over again in his servitude
 A trapped guardian of the dark

The fog horn groaned its complaint of “too.late”
Under darkened sea that once birthed horizon
And Hark! a maelstrom of black ink 
Behold its terrific evil and terror! 
A swirling whirlpool announcing you-have-been-fooled
And the cries of fright forever ruled
Scream in delight—“He suffers our fate…in pain we celebrate!”

He no longer looked along the swirls in terror
But was now part of its ferocious cycle
Tears mixing with the agonizing laughter
Amidst salty moans and tepid sweat
 
Soon… exhausted by the chaos… he sank into a most foggy pit
Ashamed, naked, barren of all past wit
A cowardly frame, shivering in unknown terrain
Inside a place where Time is gone….
But always looming in the brain….

As the errant fogs lift,
The grizzled trees’ feet curl in sensuous fervor of the cold
He envies e’en the trees, with heartless relish of their misty exhalations

Under shuttery breath he no longer truly breathes,     … he sighs…
Might I never reach the heights of even the mel-lowed fog? 
Shall I burn upon the dead leaves, rising only to fall?

From that day forward,
He wandered blindly
Both loving and loathing pulsing tempos of silence 

“I’m still in love…” He whispers softly. “Oh how I am in love…”
The dark that once befriended him almost smiles now…
…then why do I feel so alone?
The wind blows in almost an unnerving jeer
A cool wisp enunciating Time’s uncouth rejection
For she loved no one, yet all
Loving with a cruel wish to watch the other fall
How many has she taken, he would never know
For in shadow comes confusion and woe
—and the voices he hears do not sound of his kind
But who am I? What am I? 
A slave in Time’s forever grind…

8/30/12
A very special collaboration with Rebecca Larkin


Details | Free verse | |

My weakness

        GOD

Wondrous of many blessings.
Smiling never a frown.
My prayers, Lord, are  suddenly being ignored.
I've taken a tumble of  fallen down
Lord, my life was plain and simple  
How did it come to this.
Lord, now I carry a  burden so deep
A torn up life not easy to fix
Hard to get my prayers before I sleep
Bleeding only internally!
Feeling very minutely!
God, have you deserted me, or is it me who deserted you?

God, my Lord, my savior, how could you abandon me?
Must I drown in my own sorrow.
Must I wake up like this today and tomorrow.
Why have you left me, or is it me who left you?

God, I need you like never before.
When I wake up,
When I head out the door.
Tormented in a mood ring of stock
Heavily my tears hit upon the floor.
God, do you not feel me, or is it me who no longer feel you?

God, what is your plan for me?
What things did I not see?
I asked for you to forgive me in my ways of sin.
Why do you let him provoke me?
Lord, I forbid for him to win.
Relieve me from his gutless pain.
God, do you not believe me, or is it me who no longer believe in you?

God, do you not hear my call
My pitiful excuses make me weak and small
In your eyes I no longer feel tall
I remain cursed in every single fall
Lord, only you can break this wall
Do you not see me on my knees
Must I beg and crawl?
I am at your mercy, crying out with grief
Open the path to the lighted hall
O' Lord, the day you judge me before your throne
Please tell me it was a lesson for me to stand up on my own
God for now I will end this talk
With the dignity to never look back
And ask if you were there on my endless journey of a relentless walk?

By:PD


Details | Free verse | |

Regret

                                     
I was the object of your affection,
Useful for a time;
Lost in the ritual of loving
The man I thought you were.
How much of me did I give you
In the gardens that tumbled over the wall?
In the home that was your castle
Where the inner layers of my being
Lay exposed, vulnerable and imperfect?

You took all that filled your own need
And left me devalued in humiliating silence
While you manipulated your scraps of power.
Your love was the fantasy of possessing
All that gives your existence meaning;
Your illusions trampled the passion
Tenderness and trust that was yours alone.                                              

With what do you fill the hollow inner spaces
Of your being?  Hiding behind the mask of greed;
Unwilling or unable to grasp the anguish 
Of those who bear the consequence
Of your flawed decisions.
Those who have no choice; the victims
That get in the way of your eagerness
To continue your dance
With the harlots of commerce.

And I am alone,
With the whispers of deprivation and denial.
Processing the pain of what I am
Who I was and what I might become
Between the no longer and the not yet,
Can I run fast enough to be me again
In this world where the mirage of being
Becomes ever more elusive?


Details | Free verse | |

Grandpa's Study

The room is still,
Quiet but for wind and rain
Making music on the windows.
Empty but for endless shelves
Of leather-bound volumes -
The first editions you loved so much.
The desk is weathered, coated
In a film of dust.
The chair is old and worn,
Tucked in just where you left it.
I can almost hear it creak
Under your weight,
Hear you whistle in that absent way.
I can almost see you there,
Hunched over creased pages,
Reading Keats or Blake.
I can almost smell that familiar scent
Of fresh soap and musty books,
Of spices and cigar smoke.


Details | Free verse | |

The Storm

A cold wind blows,
turning hardened walls to sand.
Breaking down the barriers
exposing the emotions that were held inside.

The pain builds,
from hurts buried deep within.
Storm clouds roll in
dark, cold, and threatening.

Thunder rumbles,
roars across the darkened land.
A voice breaking the spirit:
Stupid
Ugly
Hated
Harlot
Die...
the words echo through the ears.

Lightning flashes,
shattering the very heavens.
Words drift through the mind:
Unwanted
Nothing
No-one
Useless
Alone...
casting shadows of doubt through the soul.

The tears fall from the eyes,
from a heart broken and battered.
Rain pours down from above
overflowing, unable to be contained.

Then finally as the rage is spent,
a calm stillness overtakes the cleansed world.
In the arms of a friend
peace is found once again.

And a voice whispers to the night:
"I'm alright..."


Details | Free verse | |

Still Falling

.

Did you close your eyes? Did you think of them?
Memories come every year and I weep, alone and wondering
if at the top and at the end you had a fear of heights
as if the answer could make a difference.

Yet I'm dismayed to watch it again, acrophobic, imagining...
a room afire and the smoke making signals to the World
no easy means of escape, no places to hide, no exit.
Suffocated in that vision, I stay breathless trying to perceive...

Hot gasses in red eyes begging for the luxury of  fresh air 
a burning window and the fall-space: coin with just one side
pieces of crystals in livid hands without time to wave 
sticky blood warming fingers in a last cold morning.

And I weep, helpless and thinking in what you saw from above
that pandemonium of alarms, yelling and the sound of the fire
just an instant to decide how to face it, how to accept it 
an instant in which you may comprehend our brevity.

Perhaps, you could say goodbye... Did you have time?
Did you close your eyes? Did you think of them?
in their faces, their eyes, their voices, their scents...
Behind, below, inside...Death, waiting for your decision...

And I weep for your innocence... for your panic...for you
I'm with you now, terrified... yet, I can't follow you...
But you drag me and I jump with you, as every year 
as the only way I can remember you...feeling you, being with you ...

And I weep...recoiling to that morning that will live in infamy
in its intense impact, in those images 
Because the towers disappeared in its collapse
but you, through the years...you're still falling.



Footnote: This short video is very disturbing; it shows people falling and jumping from the towers. I don't recommend you to watch it because it may offend or hurt your feelings. However, it shows the true horror of that day and I think that it's the true extent in which those innocent people lost their lives. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcC6bTHosx0


Details | Free verse | |

Heart Song on a Milk Carton. (reposted)

Wont you find me here?
  Drifting in an expanse of swirling storm
Outstreched fingers graze debris...
         recklessly circling reminders. 
  Stand in the eye with me
     Hold
         This 
             Ground.
 Lick our wounds rebounding
Warriors victoriously smiting circumstance
  leaving wolves discouraged  
    disparaging darkness with insane glee
 Walk here and find me
   Reach out think here

You create me and I construct you
  Piece me in missing places
   Mending voids delicate and knowing
 I slay inherited growths of insecurity
  Stating truths untold to your beautiful ears
    
          Combine
               Know this warmth....
    Let these branches sprawl 
       grow in all directions to withstand walls closing in
  A grand old tree would remain...generations of our eyes
    taking glance from limbs strong and true

You crush my cycle--end it's existence
  I'll destroy your boundary...kill it's constriction
Our tower stronger and rooted
  Yet with loftier cloud grazing height
     lets disorient ourselves in this foreign altitude
                Touch this sky with me
         
             


  


Details | Free verse | |

Cradle My Tears, Moon


The moon's bow beckons to me,
wind's frosty fingers 
entwining mine,
and I lay myself on the balcony's ledge

immersing, losing myself
under that inky blanket sea

the clouds rolling past, so fast,
skimming like waves veiling moonlight,
then letting it peek through
like a shy bride

beautiful, so beautiful
a gentle glow of soul
a silent lullaby that rocks me

If only for a moment
I keep my cradle of tears at bay,
as I let the moon do the weeping for me.


----------------------------------------------------------------
Debussy's Clair de Lune
now mingles in my mind like soft smoke
and tears come streaming...
Tired, so tired am I.







011620141114a137


Details | Free verse | |

FOR RACHAEL

Oh sky look down on this earth of gray,
Something dreadful on the horizon looms.
There is no black and no white today,
Laws exist but justice is doomed.

Morality is labeled religion,
And must be separated from state,
Whose own religion is political correctness
And determining God's fate.

Oh heaven rain down on us,
Ae are tasting your tears.
Yes we've become that bad,
Confirming your fears,

That what has been done ,
Is being done again,
Those lessons taught,
Coming to naught.

Judges and laws make it legal,
To be rid of your innocent babes,
Under a symbol of the eagle, 
God's loving justice betrayed.

Racheal you cry the tears,
That now only heaven supplies,
Because ours have dried,
In the dust of our alibies.

Excuses and lies are linked,
As you and I know well,
The truth is all but extinct.
Truth is foreign to hell.

Oh heaven, look down on this world of gray.   
Something dreadful is watching and looms.
Is there nothing left but to watch and pray,
While Rachael wails by the dumpster tombs?


Details | Free verse | |

Clarity

untested waters
 ripple,
 strands of light
 flash in the beauty
 of my mind

---

the past dwelt
 in the corner
 debilitating
 disabling
 untethering,
 I was thrown
 back in time

(bad happens
 to the good
 and the good
 happens to the 
bad)

visiting sins
 replayed in my 
head
 reminding me
 shaming me,
 the circle went
 around

but I remembered
 the dashes of hope
 the splashes of 
love
 all that I had 
shared
 all that I had lost

but going
 round and round
 the strings of 
sanity
 were unbound,
 the white rabbit
 called for me
 reality was paper 
dolls
 burning in the pit 

I held fast
 as the standard 
ripped
 falling into delusion
 I lay in the mire
 for a millennium

clarity returned
 with a song
 the dance of life
 flooded my veins
 my being
 declared whole

---

the clear
 untested waters
 of my mind ripple
 in wonderment,
 today has returned
 with no fear of joy


Details | Free verse | |

embattled

Pain covered by beauty,
Standing behind a mirror of myself, 
Cut deeply by the shattering pieces as my true self emerges.
Behold the truth that lies behind my placid eyes,
The heart wrenching pain hidden by my laugh,
I am what this world has made me to be,
Cruel, Angry, Torn.
Seeking answers in my mind,
I feel there is no tangible hope.
I cannot grasp what i have never trully believed to be there.
I can only sit and wait for the inevitable,
I can only sit and wait with no one but my shadow beside me,
Daunting me,
Reminding me how dark this world can be.
Embittered at what my once joyful life has turned into,
A blaze of hate and sorrow consumes me entirely, 
Until I am forced to relinquish the pain and tears built up inside me.
At that moment I am rendered helpless,
I open my eyes only to find myself embattled.
These enimies of mine are not human but the result of what they have caused.


Details | Free verse | |

I see myself in her

                                                                                                             -For Melissa

She asked me how long does it take to heal
In what time allotment, exactly, will it take
For forgetfulness to become a reoccurrence
A blessing for the haunted
Memories that can be bleached off 
White sundresses put on in order to frolic
On beaches with waves washing away
Each grain of him
How long did it take for you to get over him?
Days? Weeks? A month or two?
Hope shining like a naïve flashlight during the eclipse of hardest times
Beaming on me, waiting for an answer

How could I tell her, honestly, 
That it took me years
To overlook the smallest details of his smile
How he only has one dimple on the right side of his face
The way his hands felt, every line and crevice of his fate
Thought to fit mine perfectly?

How could I tell her, truthfully
That no matter how many times I washed my sheets
I would catch the scent of him at 3:45 am, sometimes
Or hear his faint tapping on my window
When it’s really just, my imagination
That she’ll spend months waiting for him to text her
Call her, email her, think of her
When really he’s lying in bed with another women but she refuses
To believe that it’s over
Or how my heart still aches, just a little
When I hear he asked about me
Or that he can no longer say my name out loud to our mutual friends

Could I muster up the courage to explain to her
That it took me 2 years, 3 months, and 16 days to realize
The ugliness of being pathetic
It was time to rise up and take the lead 
Time to forget all romantic casualties 
It’s only yesterday that I found myself straining to remember
His faults, forgetting the man and only remembering the hero
How could I break her heart for the second time by telling her
The truth?

She stood there patiently waiting for me
To pull a metaphor out of a hat, something poetic
Comforting, beautiful, reassuring
I see myself in her
Wanting people to lie to us to see the Zen in ourselves

It’s like we’re all in the same play with the same roles but different names
It takes time for each actor to fulfill the destiny
Others emphasize while others downplay
Moments in time


Details | Free verse | |

Just Like November

I wait patiently, and eagerly listening for your call.
Was I such a liability to cause you to drift away like leaves in the fall?
       The temperature dropped 30 degrees that day.  On that sidewalk I begged you to stay
But you turned and walked towards the subway.
       Just like November you were suddenly gone.
A man on the corner was playing the saxophone.  I dropped a dollar in his hand and moved
       on.  Without her I headed home.

       I watched the gentle breeze toss around a feather.
It's during these times I wonder if we will ever get back together.
       The chill against the nape of my neck is not my type of weather.
You were so cold.  Your touch like ice, and you did not play nice.
       But I rolled the dice and suffered frost bite because loving
you came with a price.
       My heart and emotions have been disassembled and rearranged.
I wondered how strange?!  Just like November everything seem to change.

       The holidays draw near. Everyone is in festive cheer.
It's just not the same with you not here.
       Now days I stand facing the subway
and I must say, I have this great fear.
       That just like November, I'll soon disappear.
The chill still finds the nape of my neck from the rear.
       The man on the corner still plays the saxaphone.
I drop another dollar in his hand and move on.
       But this time I did not head home,
And just like November we're both suddenly gone!



 .


Details | Free verse | |

Lightning Chased Thunder

Into the mist which settles upon the waters
Tempered elements connect and clash
Each vying for dominance within their domain
Lightning chases Thunder throughout forlorn skies
The harder she cracks her brilliant, whip the further he runs
In pain he roars through pitch black skies
Man stands in awe of the battle displayed 
And the heavens hang low and cry pouring rain

~*~

Note:  Inspired by "The perfect Storm" Very sad ending, yet, one of my favs.


Details | Free verse | |

Humpty Dumpty House

A home
The one he promised you
That white picket fence
Light flooded rooms
A swing on a tree in the front yard

He promised
I'm sure he did
He promised
To fill it with laughter
It was where you were both supposed to dream
The gathering place of love
Of family
Of friends
yet from the beginning 
It was a place of pretend
A dark fairy tale 
Wrapped in a pretty shell
In perfectly beautiful lines
Curving away from you

Then the cracks appeared
Spreading with his lies
You so desperately wanted to trust those eyes
Thinking he was different from other guys
Not wanting to see beyond his disguise

No amount of renovations
Can repair the cracks
The essence of you under attack
A beautiful dream painted black
You can't 
You won't 
Put it together again
Your house 
Your home that place of pain

Helpless you watch it crumble
Forced to walk away from it all
The cracks too many it has to fall
You have your answers
You hold your head tall
You see a future beyond shattered wall

Still you wonder
Will you one day find
Your happily ever after
Will the dreams you hold ever matter
Will your tears turn to laughter

For you
Fairy tales are not enough
You deserve a foundation made of better stuff
Beyond your broken
You find your dream
Thankfully
Wonderfully
Amazingly
God answers
Both our prayers
He gives you to me













Details | Free verse | |

Time -part 1-

Tragedy is never a sentiment for Time For it is a phenomenon she merely sees She pours forth abundance for all that behold her Even for those of us that scold her And for naught she was cursed from the beginning There she is—interminable Time at the fullest! And we all envy her ever-ringing constancy She rules over our hearts Keeping stress in our spirits Not once does she feel sorry for us Nor is she indifferent of our failures She begs not for gratefulness And accepts who she is with joy! How ample we would be if we Like she—were free of trepidation If only we be like her waters—clear and visible from top to bottom Filled with untainted approval What fools we must seem to such a pure jewel as Time But ah, she is both heartless and kind And though we hate her peculiar aura Oh how hard it is do tear her from our minds! How stressfully beautiful Time is! Like a wink of venerated bliss She smiles and smiles And our ironical faces feel like grime Still she laughs in mirth While the world becomes a ball of putrid hatred Wanting more and more of her And positively hating her We that cannot see her began to hate For we are as visible and low as can be And we acknowledge her merely to insult her Though she takes no pang to the chest For the only gifts we give in return for herself are pangs That she simply returns to each sender Hidden is our pride But ever placed Ever unhidden Is our inscrutable mortality And this humiliation of our unchangeable fates Makes us want to humiliate the more fortunate Thus we regard her only as a concept As a fraction of a belief—a bellowing ideal For of course Time cannot in our honey-glazed eyes Think, eat, drink or feel We use her—yes! Even abuse her Not once will she complain For her gift is everlastingness


Details | Free verse | |

My Left Breast

strange it was there just the other day 
hanging about as usual, 
reminding me in my mirrored image 
of my definite femininity 
now gone, am I less of a woman? 
will you look at me differently, 
or strangely as I do myself? 

I never really gave it much thought before 
of how things come in pairs 
how lonely one would be without the other 
how misshaped one appears, 
no longer jutting forward, 
proclaiming sensuality 
thrusting into the limelight, 

now scars and a flattened ego, 
fill my robe, bras useless without stuffing 
men, look at me in horror, 
women in shock and pity 
and with gratitude, yes that it is not them 
my left breast is missing 
no not missing, taken, stolen...

it was just a lump a few weeks ago 
a tiny pea shaped knob, 
that hid its cancerous intentions
so very well, yet lay in silence waiting 
to steal away that part of me
that defined who I was 
what purpose I served in society 

am I still a woman, a sexual being? 
I'm not sure, my right breast thinks so 
but yearns for its mate, 
the image in the mirror just doesn't seem right 
unequal in its proportions, glaringly lopsided
my left breast is gone, surgically removed  
I can still hear its scream


Details | Free verse | |

The Day That Died Forever

When I am Colder,Older and then alone...
I will collect the sky on my own...
When the art has faded and the days then fade-
when everyone has gone away...

I may finally see what never was saw
.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh............... the quiet sky

The unlit room which bares my end...shows the flashes of my pains my joys and sins.
This life has been a strange one since the curtains were drawn
These paper and plastic figures have clouded the dawn

I was once younger,foolish,and obsessed with truth
Now I am bitter,sour,dour faced with my heart under shoe

The children were all searching or lost in a crowd
All weeds in a garden...growing vile and foul

Though beauty was sold it never came true
Obsessions and vanity have traveled safe through

Materials and poison and everything lost
have been burned in the fires or lost in the frost

I stand face to mirror tearing my being apart
Winding thoughts of love,pain,god,and art

As the sun sets and the darkness grows
I too shall follow this pattern in tow

Death has a friendly hand and a pretty face
She has given me comfort as I leave this place

The wars have occurred,humanity's lost
Souls have been burnt in the fire or lost in the frost

Day was Life,Night is Death

And the latter has given counsel on my final steps


Details | Free verse | |

WORDLESS MEMORIES

He says     Do you remember the time we…
And she smiles
Shared memories have no need for words

Young and brave    they chased their future
Found their own crystal Eden
ringed by sparkling waters
It’s in her blood     this river of life

A current that has carried them
through love    laughter    spats    and making up
Carried them through life’s precious moments

Watching children grow
Bicycle riding in trees
Anniversary cruises to beaches kissed
by the whisper of waves

He prepares to leave Eden
for true paradise    where his Lord awaits
She waits    steadfast by his side
Her place of thirty-eight years

Their shared laughter bubbles along
like a singing brook that cannot be stilled

And she smiles
For she knows someday in Heaven
he will be thinking about her and say
Do you remember…
Her heart will hear his voice    and she will smile
as she sips coffee watching a pearlescent sunrise

Shared memories have no need for words 




I just returned from a visit to Florida where my beloved aunt and uncle are 
preparing for new journeys. He has been put on hospice and she is facing a 
life without him. This is for Bob and Gail. I am blessed to be a recipient of 
their love and joyous laughter.


Details | Free verse | |

Winter

i peer
through lacy curtains
that night has sewn
upon my window

at footsteps
that lead to you

the stars weave themselves
between the clouds
of winter's loom

a cold wind howls
beneath the unseen moon

a mother's lullaby

i feel the hands of time
 gently tap
from the edge of night
and sanity

i sit alone
beneath the shadows
and watch
as my footsteps
fade to white


Details | Free verse | |

A Summer To Remember

A Summer To Remember



Summer exhausted, the fall chill begins
    in those first days you and I fell
    into each other as water into the sea
    sunshine was you, light was all me
Winter's snows saw us meet its deep cold
    a team that danced in that icy glory
    sweet ink wrote our special story
Spring, our lives embraced a great renewal
    beautiful pictures sought we out
    tempting each into adventurous journeys 
Summer returned, I found your shadow had fled
    our love emerged from its sheltered cocoon
    seeking love anew, its past left dead

R.J. Lindley


Details | Free verse | |

Insomnia

I close my eyes
Orbits sunk deep within 
Scowering the cesspool of dream fragments. 

I lay cool against the flat sheet
Waiting patiently for deep sleep to cast all 
dream fragments from memory. 


Details | Free verse | |

Memoriver

I close my eyes and see,
a river 
fresh and clean,
memories from the past


I open my eyes and see
a river
black and dead,
realities of the present


My hand winds back the reel,
a fish
struggles to be free...
memories from the past


My hand grasps at nothing,
no fish
exists in a trash-strewn river...
realities of the present


The memories just keep on flowing,
just like the rivers of yesteryear,
where children bathed among the fish,
happiness sparkling in the waters.


Now only tears flow there,
where grief and death reign free...
where wishes are as stagnant as the waters-
yet a flicker of hope remains afloat...


And when it drops,
ripples of action may hopefully be formed
to clean the rivers, revitalize it
so it can flow in the future


***1.12.10 1213am written for Brian's "Flow, River, Flow" contest :)


Details | Free verse | |

Hands

The trees are still there every morning
Angry or sad
The sun beats down through your pores
Day after day after day.
And the moon will never stop.
And the spirit to which God has granted you
Walks with you
Penniless or pocketless.
"Something was dropped along the way,"
You feel.
"Well it's true we shed ourselves over the years,
Pieces of ourselves everywhere," 
says the sliding Voice.
Identity is really only something 
We think other people need.

So we pretend like we're separate from each other.

The word "firelight," is evocative.
The bloom of spirit and desire and
The ever-crackling of wild entanglement

Our lives like firelight
On the darkened beach
from the young and warm light
to the blazing chaos and wonder
to the toking and smoting and dimming
And the burial, and the cold.

I am as sad as the bottom of a well.
I have left something along the way.
A small appendage, maybe, I had meant to use at some point.
The Right Hand of God I was too distracted to keep hold of.

I am all other centerless beings
Dropping things here and there
A pen. A thought. A conviction.

And to keep hold,
to press on staring redemptively
At the circling Hands 
To live in this way is to gain wisdom
And with wisdom there is always
the healing of sadness. 
Senseless though, I know, like all else
And the evering was and the here we sit

Our eyes blinking tears from the bottom of a well.
Tearing from our core for
The love and need for others 
And their hands.


Details | Free verse | |

What the Eyes Cannot See


Kyoko walks alone in the morning tide, 
comforted for a fleeting moment by salty air.
She feels the same sand between her toes 
as when she was a barefoot little girl, in a time
she felt safe, when the eyes of her mother protected her 
like a suit of armor - before the mighty wall of water, 
the “harbor wave”, towered over her village 
near Fukushima, washing her happy childhood away. 
Her dear mother, her security, her everything
never came home that day. 

Many months later, her father, a local fisherman, 
has lost his ability to cry, laugh or tell her why.
His silent eyes, cold like frost, are dead 
like the poisoned fish he nets every morning. 
In many ways, Kyoko lost both of her parents 
on that haunting day - forced to grow up long before 
the water receded, before the nuclear leak, 
before this new, austere existence.

Night deepens the despair. She is loneliest 
when darkness invades. She prays for the crickets 
return. They no longer sing her to sleep, and the stars
have faded, no longer shining through her open window.
Even the grasshoppers have died…
from restless sleep, night calls her to the mirror 
to find her mother’s dark eyes staring back at her – 
a curse she hopes will one day become a blessing,
a hope that one day her father will look at her again...

With tomorrow, her greatest burden will return. 
She will wake along side the broken-winged butterfly
with her duties in mind. Then, she’ll wear her stoic face 
to the marketplace. Father says he will soon lose 
his fishing boat. She has heard visitors from the city say 
only a fool would eat the fish from nearby waters, 
the same fish she fries most every day. No one knows
the global impact, they say. She hears foreign words
like radiation, disease and mutation while she sells 
the shiso and wasabi root from their garden stand,
feeling fear she does not fully understand but one day will.
She only knows how to survive today…


For Debbie Guzzi's Global Poetry Contest, 11/19/14      


Details | Free verse | |

Struggle

Primal, basal, beyond my awareness
How could I have been so careless
I let the line between real and fantasy
Become clouded through my jealousy
The fire rose, consumed, burned away
And left the ashes in its wake
I still search for just one burning ember
To reawaken feelings of forever
But destruction is all around
I fall to my knees, hit the ground

Can you hear me scream?

Blatant, cold, and calculating
Every part of this wrapped up in hating
The one who did this thing to me
Imprisoned when I was set free
The water rises, to wash away
All the promises we once made
If still one ember ever burned
It burns no more, lesson learned
Still destruction is all around
And I can’t lift myself from off the ground

Can you see me cry?

Detached, impartial, contemplating
Why am I here, why am I waiting
Just what am I waiting for
A broken window, an open door
A key to tell me who I am
So I can learn to live again
Without the fear, without regret
To bring back balance and pay the debt
To clear debris from hallowed ground
Unchained, but broken, I am bound

Can you feel my battle?


Details | Free verse | |

My Season of You

Your season brought you to me
You traveled on a winter's wind
So crisp, refreshing, the possibility of you
You floated lightly across my mind and into my heart
It's as if you weren't real, then you weren't real
As mysteriously as you came, you left
Leaving with me thoughts of you; how you'd be when I finally met you
...kind, considerate, strong, thoughtful
I'd imagined you so many ways... most of all, here
I felt your warmth through your eyes; your smile
But, I sensed sadness; a pain that I reached for to free you
But I couldn't free you, but Him
I could only make it soft
... until He came
... to lighten your burden
... and He came when I wasn't looking
You knew and didn't tell me
But, you tried in special ways and it worked
I look back and still have you, but never did
... but still do
... signs of you
... feelings of you
... memories of you
A season's memory


Details | Free verse | |

Immortalized

In an effort to immortalize you,
I gilded ocean size frames in gold leaf
and painted your portrait with peacock feathers dipped in oils.
I spelled out your name in bumble bee wings
still quite attached to tame bumble bees
hovering in obedience and formation in the sky
I built a piano from felled red wood trees
and carved your likeness on each key
which I then filled up with ebony and abalone polish
I traveled to Old Russia to the Crimean forest
and pulled every wildflower up by it's roots
and replanted them just for you, on the cliffs, overlooking the Black Sea.
I tamed a black leopard and rode on her back
'round the world, with a banner, a list of your accomplishments
flowing in silk for miles behind me, past onlookers reading your life.
I sang gypsy music, as a siren on the wind
while I wept and flooded each street with the depth
of one tenth of the emotion you harnessed and kept at bay in your infinite quiet.
I started with one person, your granddaughter, with your blue eyes
her sitting on my lap, looking at me with a maturity past 3 years of age,
and imprinted every memory of you in the air, for her to grab.

You are not immortalized in portraits, or wings, or notes.
You are not immortalized in flowers, or banners or sirens.

You are immortalized, forever remaining, in the humble prayers of this innocent child.


Details | Free verse | |

Christmas, Minus One

We said our goodbyes in June,
and the months since blur into mist.
At unexpected moments, awareness
of loss hits; tears spill unbidden.

Family gathering, Christmas Eve 
as usual . . . minus one.
We quietly exchanged gifts, 
found flowers from her funeral 
crafted into hand-made jewelry, 
kaleidoscopes, treasured mementoes.

I cooked grapes today, dark muscadines.
I extracted seeds and peelings, 
and measured life-sustaining juice 
through the metal funnel she used 
from the day of her marriage.
It came to me dented and bent, 
like her body had been at 93.

I still taste those fresh-from-the-oven 
chocolate rolls after school, 
garden tomatoes warmed by the sun, 
hot biscuits with apple jelly, 
squeezed from the peelings after 
she baked crisp slices in cinnamon-rich pie.

I'm glad I didn't know then,
about being allergic to Cinnamon.


Details | Free verse | |

Do You Hear Me?

do you hear me
when I cry out
in the middle of the night?
do you hear me
when I grieve for
a brilliant light gone out?
do you feel me
when I long for your love
though your heart has gone still?
do you see me
kneeling by your grave
unable to pray?
do you still believe in me
where ever you've gone
and I'm here alone?
do you see me
gasping for breathe
since the moment you left?


Details | Free verse | |

A SOLDIER- I WAS

Lonely I was when I stood staring at the sky
Had a gun in my hand, was too afraid to cry
Fought bitter battles and never lived to tell
How at the altar of freedom, my body fell

My soul searches for reasons as to why I died
Did I save my people, had I tried?
Do they remember me, my deeds, my name
Are they proud of me or did I bring them shame

My battered body stood testimony to my fate
My heart had stopped in a battle brought about by hate
I had screamed in pain, and shivered with fright
But before I died, I did put up a fight

Remember me, my beloved country
It was I, my men, who brought you victory
I fought to the last bullet in my gun
I was a soldier, I was your son


Details | Free verse | |

My Micke boys

                To be called ..
            ~   Grandma is a Honor ~

        I have been blessed with 4  Grandchildren

       ~ one lays in Heaven " Kaleb "  He is God's Angel ~
   ~ His twin brother he will always watch over , and be in his soul~

     For he loved his Brother so much in the womb ,
       he chose Heaven which gave life to his twin
      ~ I feel his spirit when I see the other Grandson ~
 
              Time passed another gift to see
               we are " Mickes" and Loved 
            Our Dad held the title in Baseball 
                   ~  that's how we roll ~
           those children are Grandmas hero's 

       The Irish they love big and Family is everything 
        The brothers will protect the beautiful sister 
              ~ as many lads will be calling ~

        Every time my Grandson hits a home run
     There will be a Angel watching proudly in the stand 

       It will be as if the Angel lifted him when he runs 
           ~no one runs faster then my Grandson~
     either baseball or Art  ~ you shall find your gift given

                These children have been blessed~
                 ~  a beauty to hard to describe 
        If you think not ~~  Take a look at the Mom  
                     That girl can stop Traffic   
                    after raising three and still~ 

          "Inspired by the gift and loss of Grandchildren "

     May our precious " Kaleb " softly rest where Angels only Dwell


Details | Free verse | |

Dementia

He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
Tough.
Independent.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died, 
he has not been the same.
Sad
Lonely
Empty.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
Mind slipping, 
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it, 
until now...
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain, 
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Oh well...
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best, 
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows 
what happens next.
Sedation
Medication
Anger
Hurt
All results of
dementia


Details | Free verse | |

Senility

The rainbow of reason ends
With a pot of gold and jabberwocky.
When hippocampus dwells in solitary,
       silent,
              eerie,
                    forgotten dormitories
of the expatriated mind.


In planned visits 
To familiar spaces,
When elapsed faces are still hailed with fervor, 
         and hasty,		
                 eager,
                      vivid candor,
As though they had never gone.


Deep in thought
In cavernous bowels tangled lost, 
Remote repartees recurring restlessly. 
          Cautious,
                      wary,
  	                    and ever leery	
of echoing footsteps anxiously nearing, as though someone might overhear. 


As even eyes fail to mirror
The twilight of past vigor,
Speaking in feeble voices muddled beneath walls,
            beneath walls,
	           beneath walls,
	                     beneath walls.
Walking politely in ancient, and empty, imaginary halls.


The stars stop still and unfleeting
Listening to last breaths, and the heart’s last beating,
To hearken timid last words from the past's last illusions,
            past apparitions,
                         past veritas
                                   past delusions,
Where celestial alae still go a-flutter with lost aspirations.


When the frail hand that once held and sheltered
Cannot even rattle dandelion clocks,
Or crush delicate imago wings into dust,
          and caress, 
                  and feel,
                           and touch, 
Save for Elysian veldts
Where the rainbow of reason ends.



Details | Free verse | |

a complex number

I'm half-way through this one..,
and long before it becomes one,
I usually erase the
entire thing
I chose to call a poem.

But after a while, one thinks,

That like energy,
the truth radiates in spurts..

That continuity is a daydream,
That all growth is involuntary,
That not all coincidences are coincidental.


...


Like things, people too die,
and, that just like the root of a negative one,
One too, was an imaginary i.


Details | Free verse | |

THE SKY

THE SKY 


Oh! Sky the lonely heart
Dwelling upon my untiring soul
Lost with an unspoken word.
Fountain of misery teaches him
That defiant endurance…
Oh! Sky the lonely soul
The creatures fly and obey
But the hollowness prevails.
The Sun burns him with anguish
Yet he weeps with pride.
Oh! Sky my undeniable hero
You made me the undefeated queen,
But I remained lost in my thoughts of isolation!
Now I wish to merge in you
Come my hero …my sky!


Details | Free verse | |

Moments In Time

The sweetest sounds of burning trees
A gentle stroking in the breeze
The calm has lasted past the storm
Cloudy visions, Satan’s roar
Too many sights have passed my way
A time found only in the haze
The softest screams are running bare
My aching bones creak as I stare

You walk a distance towards me
The fall’s eternal, can’t you see?
I’m a memory in your heart
I whisper to you in the dark

The battle’s started at the end
No one is coming to repent
The sinners grab their wine from prey
No judgment calling here to stay
The sport is reckless to be told
The one is laughing at his souls
It falters nowhere to be sure
The power grows forevermore
Like a spirit in the wind
I have no say in where you’ve been 
But cross the line to come to me
And pay the price for ecstasy

You walk a distance towards me
The fall’s eternal, can’t you see?
I’m a memory in your heart
I whisper to you in the dark. 


Details | Free verse | |

Sitting on a Bench

I close my eyes and travel back
when summer was still alive
when waves crashed into rocks for fun,
and winds blew kisses on our cheeks

I remember seeing your lone figure,
sitting on that wooden bench
I asked if I could sit beside you
No words spoken, 
you just made room for me

We sat there for an hour
Silence enveloping us

It was the most tranquil time of my life

It wasn’t uncomfortable
rather, the contrary
two souls 
just breathing each other’s thoughts

and then it happened

a word spoken…

I believe it was “So”
both spoken at the same time
then laughter broke out
and a waterfall 
of conversation just gushed over

straight into kismet’s paradise

Everyday we sat on that bench
for an entire month

then you told me how 
that bench was so special…

of how you and your father built it
from scratch
showing me your initials carved 
on the right arm

taking out your Army knife
you added mine

that was the last day I saw you…

‘til one misty morning I found
a lone figure on that bench
my heart leapt 
and fell hard

It was your father, telling me
you were gone
then he showed me that tree stump
from where that bench came from

I never asked, you never said
but thank you
for that summer

I open my eyes now
and sit on this bench
fingering the etchings of our names
worn and faded, but still there…




Details | Free verse | |

It Can't Be Real

A truth in rage of insult furrows my mind
For it is only an offense given to me by myself
In the mouths of others far innocent than I
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
For I have surfaced into an ugly mistake
I am always inadequate in this brain
I try to shine like the advice of grace given
But confidence rarely rears its head my way
There’s a sort of shade blocking its way
A shade that darkens everyday

That very shade led me to believe my feelings are wrong
That I will never belong so long as they are not controlled
I must be careful—for the lines of love and lust run cold
I hate myself truly this night
And no one but myself will give me the right
The very right to degrade my every being
Because you are not seeing what I am seeing

There is no point
My lines run cold
Can I be so bold as to say
I still love with a pang of indistinguishable doubt 
All feelings enter in
As my truth blurs and checks out

Your words pierce me so deep
I cannot describe the pain I feel
God it hurts so bad
It can’t be real

Much like the love I have come to embrace
The very love that links to your face
Tears don’t give it justice

It can’t be real
Much like the love I will never face


Details | Free verse | |

Early mourning

I sift through his Taoist rants
searching the brilliance and madness
for something to make sense; to inspire.

And he does not insult me
with the dust of dead men
though dust is what remains.

Ash falls through my fingers,
as promised, plenty of his own decay,
pure and uncontaminated,

his spirit whispering remembrance;
his legacy blowing in the wind
captured in my heart and lungs.
______________________________


*Loss contest November 3rd, 2012


Details | Free verse | |

The Task

The old screen door still welcomes me
    .. a familiar face, just as before
but after this...who'll pass this way?….
Will they use the rug and wipe their shoes?...
Swipe away the grime and mud?
 .....Or will they even care?

I feel my pulse and lungs collide
I take a breath...and step inside

She lived alone, the last to go....
one amber dawn when skies were clear
silently, without fanfare....
death wafted through these hard wood floors
and took more than a glimpse of her

I've been asked to sell the house,
to clear it out, and set it right…
                                                                            
Somehow, seems wrong…. 
a trespass on the throne of  life
that was softly lived
behind the gate, where thirsty roses bloom, and wait…

I hesitate….
to disturb the lace on drop leaf tables…
disgrace the quiet of the gloom
open drawers, snoop and sort, ….a pruning, 
of the good, the used, from worn and torn

My hands are able, but my heart declines..
what isn’t mine, to toss, to find, to mark, and label…

I hear the echoes, in each room…
along with swishings of my broom…
and the dust motes in the window light
like glitter in the afternoon…
reminders of old sparks ingnited
where cozy logs had offered light
keeping her last nights warm..…

The whirling sound of winds outside… 
whispered breaths of weaving looms
the treadled sounds of sewing hems..
peddled feet, and bustling, rustling
and those of clattering pans and potting blooms…

There are questions I want to ask
tho’ I can’t recall just what they were
no matter now….with no one here
I must be focused….on my task…
it must be done…

And now, …as doors of dark begins
I see, somehow, that fate moved in….
I am glad that I, with my two hands…
have witnessed with a smile, unplanned,
A life once new, until the end

I hold it all, and always will
her life, I held in loving hands

I stand here in the halls of night
content, I'll leave without regret
companioned by a day well spent…

                    I've been within …her company
     


..............................................................................................................................


Details | Free verse | |

Bill


R.I.P. William Dale Eubanks
d. July 1, 2012, aged 68 yrs., Tennessee Ridge, Tennessee

Death came as no surprise
the first Sunday in July;
it claimed you, on a ridge in Tennessee,
with kin who took you in and waited with you
through the last hard days.
You kept what fears you had well hid,
did not betray with loud complaint
the fate you could not but know awaited.
A smile, a joke, a hug – exotic meals –
And genuine interest greeted all you met.
And you were, certainly, never boring
but well-traveled and smart
beyond the telling.
We’ll miss your wit, your bright demeanor,
and will remember all you freely gave ---
and what you took from us
with your passing.


Details | Free verse | |

Deaf and Gone

I am whatever you say I am...
but, let's get back to reality...

       Three short years ago, this room shined welcome mats across a screen of doldrums.
A place of unfamiliarity that screamed, 
"You don't belong!"
Yet, a voice of reason spoke and said,
"Expand yir' roots. Venture beyond the comfort zone. Academia resides inside that room, but know you won't be alone."
Repeatedly,brainwaves declined what my wife and editor had told me.
I'd say,
"no way, I'm givin' up my soul for free, they read, they pay, like it's always been, the way it's going to always be!"
Unbeknownst to me one day, and with a slight of hand, my "Open Sores" were put on display and surprisingly more than a handful of great ladies and nice guys began to give feedback on what I had devised. 
This interaction was something very new, helpful, and impressive. For a change, it was something real.
For years, those around me were quick to give praise with hidden reasons. Constructive criticism is amazing, and I welcomed being corrected or set straight.
Now there are those who choose to shut me down without explanation, and call me names.
DO NOT mistake me for sophomoric! These words bleeding from my guts have no style and need no approval. There is no thinking involved here, no plan. If you don't like it, fine...don't censor or bracket me in. So what if I am illiterate?  If you don't like "street poetry" or the pathetic stuff I write, don't read it. If I offend you, tell me.
We should welcome those who are different than us. 
Words of truth inspire movement, like fire.
I came to this room to expand my horizons, step outside the box, learn, help, grow. 
There will be no apologies dealt for being different, or for being labelled as something uncomfortable to you. 
This has been an ok room so far, but there is some clique trickanery going on.
If the dictionary must come into play, let me recommend looking up the term "Poetic License."
True, I may not be the writer you prefer, or aspire to be....but tread carefully my friend, for you have no idea of my profession. I've made a fine living, for a good long time, spewing words onto paper. I came from nothing, and may still be nothing to you...still, I do what I love, have no boss.
I am not an aspiring writer who dreams of a life, I live my dream. In conclusion, I must wish you luck in finding what you peddle poetry for. Until then, keep 


Details | Free verse | |

The Wooden Swing Set

Quiet and still now.
The swing occasionally catches the air.
The tire never moves. 
There’s no one there to care.
The jungle gym beside it is played with by squirrels.
The sand box below holds creatures quiet and shy.
Tiny plastic men are lost in the sand deep below.
A metal car is with them, once favorite of them all.
Leaves stir in the clubhouse, with spiders in its loft.
My son hadn’t played with it for a long, long while.
But I hadn’t noticed while he was here running in the house.
And now when I see the Wooden Swing Set…
It’s connects with my empty heart.



A touch of Empty Nest Syndrome brought this poem to me.


Details | Free verse | |

Under the Tall Trees

Of dust, of dirt;
suspended, lost, remarkable.

Of no merit;
forgotten, under the tall trees.

And bury him;
No accurate history serves.

Under cross;
buried in sand,
buried in dirt.

His face will carry forth,
past this miserable state.

To birth,
to die;
forth not.

Behold;
of man, 
of earth.

Of dust, of dirt;
suspended, found, 
frozen in time.


Details | Free verse | |

MAKING SOUP

Always cold in the morning, this kitchen is warmed now
With a roaring fire and my wife working beside me making just desserts
We stand here two hours this afternoon doing one of our projects
Cooking soup and fish for this evening’s xmas party of friends. 

The ghetto, the Projects, contained me with the music of 
The school’s leather belt and cane.  And then 
Parents lost in a fire. 
              That was a tough xmas, alcohol boozy flavored in an
              Empty-bottle kitchen, crowded and smoky.
It was a tough meat just cut today red blooded, now pale in the friends’ 
Xmas gift, the tureen shiny clean. The soup’s              
Alcohol flavored in effort to disguise taste of the firm onion, now soft slop. Next, must
Empty bottle of sauce in …add spice…Oh, now chop more veg: and the 
Kitchen knife peels and reveals their secret inner fleshes,
Crowded and jostling with juicy tomatoes, now reduced to wrinkled skins; and
Smoky, tall, erect celery now chopped into mini-sets of false teeth

Innocence lost in the poisonous smog of Dublin’s
Orphanage hymns and anthems: God and the state will help
Uniformed religious staff and teachers to tell me 
I do not belong - I must reveal no secrets about being
Woken, shaken out of bed, taken (with no word spoken) from the 
               Cold dormitory, scaly hand on my knee:
               Drown in this grasp -  fish out of water
Cold.  A small shivering fish caught in net, taken now from its fridge 
Dormitory for this sacrifice: staring, unfeeling, cold-blooded creature, its
Scaly skin shining on my cutting plate.
Hand on knee, I sit down to gut it, gills first - which made him
Drown as he struggled in the tightened net; and 
In this grasp I cut the fish open - an old  
Fish which was still feeling
Out of water. It seems a silly, scaled creature now, lifeless, staring at nothing.

I lost my loneliness from that hostile world:
She gave me peace and serenity  -
Warm feelings of belonging ; and it’s
Christmas every day. 
                 She is sweet, inviting, colorful, and around her
                 Melt-in-the-mouth music plays.
She is the essence of sugar,
Sweet free-running chocolate,
Inviting me to dissolve all of her creamy meringue shells 
Colorful and delightful, which will swirl
Around her taste  and 
Melt like love on a summer’s day.
In the mouth of my hell, she has uttered  
Music, and forever now,  it
Plays sweetly.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Written for and entered in Debbie Guzzi’s  Contest     GET SERIOUS


Details | Free verse | |

Moon bridge

The moon so bold seems cold
with a halo of midnight glow
I sit mesmerized as the night grows old.

I bleed still, even after all these years
and I wait again through the night
aching in the depths of my soul
that no other seems to know
the Loneliness that has become my companion.

In the darkness we wait and confide in the other
our deepest fears as memories fade
in and out each season of change
            the nostalgia tempers the wars of pain
this tempestuous foe of ours
         wails at the gates of midnight
howling the warble of humanities last grace.

How the comfort of minds and hearts
turn from light to deep dark in the face 
of eternities long time clock...

I ache with wanting, with need and passion
          it is a lie that time heals and wounds scar
each night is fresh like the first
                              when I faced realities shock.

Who can wait with me?
Who can hold this hound at bay?
Who can cherish what little love left in me
             and make the broken whole?


I ache to be loved again as the love that burns
and waits inside of me. 
Who can comfort this emptiness and fill the void
                that so many leavings have left?

Cherish and love to honor and protect
             but who can slay these demons that hold my heart in wrath?
Who will walk the sulfur clouds of hell to save my mind
     and deliver my world to the gates of heaven
      with life, not death bridging the distance of pain?

I sit and wait at the floor of the moon each night
waiting for that bridge to carry me yonder,
      this moon who hangs heavy and ripe with the yearning of my soul
with clouds aglow as if I could sweep them across a canvas
   with the brush held in your hand

I rage at her as I wait, but still I wait and weep
as Loneliness and I keep each others company
wishing the clouds of that great moon could truly create
a way to find the lost, a pathway to home, lit by the legacy our love.


Details | Free verse | |

Shade of Ulysses Butterfly

Her head tilted back towards the darkened clouds,

Mocha curls rests on shoulder blades,

Lids shut tight hiding emerald eyes shedding crystals,

Water rushed from the grey sky,

Shades of ulysses butterfly flooded over flesh,

The drops pierced her tender pores,

Seeping under her pale skin,

Merging with her spirit as one,

Then remained.


Details | Free verse | |

Starry Nights

Defiled by the city lights,
the stars no longer shine so bright.
I can't try to count their numbers,
or wish upon their falling beauty.
Life is dulled deep in the night
by the bustling busyness,
the need to succeed,
to forget about the splendor,
that we can no longer see.
Nature is destroyed
as industry progresses day by day,
and every night I'm mourning,
because the stars have faded away.


Details | Free verse | |

Last Summer

My memories of you were never really lost

Though fading more in every season's turn 

But I’ve found at last the nook in which they hide

Deep down in forgotten quarters of my mind

In a spark my thoughts repaired

The bleaching color of your smile

and now you are so clear within my heart



I realize with the breathing summer air

That our memories are scattered everywhere

I see us soaring with our kites

And our beings dancing with the sultry breeze

Within a glance I also see us in the sand

With love prints we have left behind,

Along with the yearning waves

For the promised kiss they'll cast to shores

 

When I peek at our once-shared bungalow

My memories there strike me with awe

How our love fuels us through the night

And how your craving touch tickles my heart

The way we fill each others crevices

Detonated pleasures sleeping in our flesh

And the way we sway in frenzied heat

'Til we reach the skies in sweet delight

 
But one night the envious heavens make a plot

With the conniving rain they extinguish our flame

I don’t know how to recover from pain

When you are taken by the jealous rain

But I know your spirit still exist

As to our appointed star still shining in the west


Details | Free verse | |

My Emily

She never did come back home that night
Me pacing the floor
Walking for miles in search of her
Leaving me torn apart
Spewing with the turmoil of wondering
Just what happened to her
Who had she been with and why?
Engraved on to my mind
her name
etched in my heart
her love, her sighs
Spiking my tongue
her name cries out
My heart splinters
my gut receives another jolt
God I loved that girl
and didn't even know for certain until today
But now it is too late
I left it too long
to proclaim my love for her
afraid of the pain 
which comes from being knocked back
still even that is not as I suffer now
in the whispering of her name
I look in the mirror 
yet see her reflection stare back at me
smiling and tossing back her flowing locks
her very presence is felt in abundance
Her huge eyes dark as purest deepest sapphires
class more expensive than purest diamonds
with a charismatic magnetism radiating out
overwhelming all within reach of her personality
Stolen from this world she was
No notice to anyone that she would be leaving
Nothing makes sense anymore
And I long to know if we shall meet again
Some new day in a realm beyone ours
Another time another place
I'll wait for her as I hope she will for me
For true love will never die




Based on a true story from Christmas when a young woman went missing - found murdered...  My thoughts went to those around her and inspired to write came this, but I have changed the girls name for the sake of those that knew her...  So sad to still have these things going onin our world...


Details | Free verse | |

Of Birds and Lonely Men


Drab pigeons in flight, skimming over the streets
Swift, restless movement, but going nowhere
Cleaving curved wings in the hot and stagnant air
While no one takes notice of a gray day's defeat

They circle and settle, no rhyme or a plan
They perch, then depart, feathered gypsies who roam
Chasing the shadows, surveying the land
They scavenge the streets, for a place to call home

Summer that coils between cracks in the concrete
Liquefied smog brews far deep in the bone
Pigeons fly low, testing virtues of streets
Assemble in flocks, yet must forage alone

                         Searching at feet of the crowds who walk by
                         Waiting for nothing, just a crumb from the sky
  …..                                                            
                                                         
Drab men walking circles, slouched over with scars 
Their only companions are ghosts of defeat
With no place to go, except under the stars
They huddle in corners, as the bitter night peaks

People and traffic are pounding the beat
No one gives notice, while they travel not far
Down sidewalks, and litter, in the noise of the street
Like pigeons in circles, where home is the dark

Summer that coils between cracks in the concrete
Liquefied smog brewing deep in the bone
And gray absent eyes, testing virtues of streets
Just litter on sidewalk, where cruel winds have blown

                         Searching at feet of the crowds who walk by
                         Waiting for nothing, just a crumb from the sky


………………………………………………………………


Details | Free verse | |

Hounds from Hell

Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
alone;
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.

Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.

Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.

-10/14/2013-


Details | Free verse | |

Emotional Turbulence

The voices grow louder, Intensifying with emotion, anger lining every aggressive word. My insides squeeze tighter as the vitriol poisons my mind, How does such hostility exist? As the sound of hatred deepens, The feelings strengthen their grip, like a vice, So tight, I can no longer breathe All the negative emotions I have ever felt, fill me, Threatening to overflow. So long have they been banished… Enough. No more! My mouth opens, An earsplitting scream of pain and suffering shatters the silence, Sobs of sorrow and grief wrack my body, Murderous shrieks of anger and hate, Wretched cries of self-pity and self-loathing, Poison the air. Now, free of these emotions. But the monster still exists Within the dark depths of my mind.


Details | Free verse | |

We Danced in the Kitchen

Hearts mangled by grief
Lost in separate mazes
Cooking a half-hearted meal
A turn of the head, a quick glance
Trembling hands reach out...
Right hand in left, a gentle waltz
to sweet soul sounds on the radio
We danced in the kitchen

Then hold-your-baby-so-tight
Hold-your-baby-so-tight-crying-song
Swaying to Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes
'If you don't know me by now'...
Tear-soaked necks and shoulders
Melting into each other
Melting and blending into one
We danced in the kitchen

Oh how we danced
How we danced to the moon
How we danced to the dawn
How we danced in the kitchen

Sweet Jesus let it be so
Let it be so again
Let the music play on
Let us dance one last song
Let us waltz one last waltz
Let us dance in the kitchen



Details | Free verse | |

The Wasteland -Part 1-

How can one express the baffling depths of obscurity? How can one behold to open the shafts of the mind? I have never been able to solve the mystery— Of myself. . . I wish at times that my life was no more That I could live as another and finally see things right But I am always stuck in this darkness And I cannot see this mind in light There are beasts. . .demons prowling through the wasteland Searching for any remaining life And if they are ever found— They are doomed and consumed Fear is their downfall and they never fail to smell it Their ashes remain, dancing with the imaginary breeze It is silent here—there are no answers I wish there were answers. . . But maybe there was never a reason No answers. . . Talons extend and clench around my heart They will never seek me out—they left me here It is like they knew…I had no reason—that was the answer I feel the pulse of my dangling life Alone in the dark, whimpering like a child I have scared myself, becoming this dragon-daggered youth No balm in Gilead! No eyes to see All I know will never be free I don’t need anyone! You are a disgrace—scum of the waste! You have everything, you ungrateful little nothing You are a joke. . . So swallow it all up like the pushover you are Stand your lowest and trudge right through No questions. No answers. Just . You. Or just lie back down into the mush of disease It has already infected you to the core Accept who you are, you ugly pestilence! I hate you Who are you to be glorified? Dream snatcher. . .murderer of all things bright Saturated in what you call light I see right through—even as the reflections shatter All of the dead kept you alive—they all matter… But alive you are the worst there is False savior—edited attention whore I never want to see your face again See, that’s why I hide. . . Desperation. . .desperation. . . I sob and cry kneeling in defeat For once I am right. . .I am right


Details | Free verse | |

Cottage in the Wood

Arms crossed, pacing back and forth
poking and prying in every corner
peering in closets, turning on faucets
humming softly and talking to yourself
You glanced back at me and smiled 
knowing you had found our place
our place to grow old together
our cottage in the wood

I live in our cottage in the wood
I live in our cottage alone

Look at it now
Look at this place
Look what has become of it
Look what has become of me


Details | Free verse | |

Love them and share with them...the poor and needy......

World is amazing,as described by philosophers
but...what actually in world is amazing
The suffering,of those caught by the waves of fate.
Why there are rich and poor,
god could have created only rich!
Then why did he do so,to make the world balanced.
Rich can serve poor by loving them and giving them,
so they are blessed with more.
Poor can survive with the help of rich.
Balance which is needed,created by our god...but, 
is it followed ?
Rich are becoming more rich and poor are still in the hands of poverty
Condition of world is wonderful.
God, fooled by the rich.
The balance of world is lost..
World fears god...its shivering is heard in many parts.
Help the world god.....please..


Details | Free verse | |

Innocence of a child

I look in the mirror,

I gaze at my eyes and see my soul,

No longer a pure shimmery white light I once had as a child,

Now it is stained with red ink,

Absorb inside my skin,

Like water soaking into the earth,

Not even my atonements can wash away the blood.

So now my soul stays poisoned, 

With the evil destruction of my past, 

And the beautiful white moon I once had, 

Has disappeared, Tainted the black holes of sin, 

Though light overcomes darkness, 

I still see the discolor of my soul, 

And the infinity of its presence, 

Lurking in the dark, like a bat in a cave, 

So now I stay longing for the once untouched purity of my soul, 

That has now vanished without a trace of a memoir...........


Details | Free verse | |

Bystander

As you sit in your car
All dressed in black.
 You know,
It didn’t have to end like this
Now as you think back you remember
The faint white scars etched in her fair skin
And the timid smile that hid years of despair
 You remember that time your friends saw her crying in the hall
You sat there and laughed as they tortured her
The times you saw her sitting alone at lunch
She looked up at you with pleading eyes
“Hey, can you help me,” they said.
You thought about it , but instead you pretended you didn’t see her
And you left her there, sad and alone
That pleading look now haunts you
It begged somebody, anybody for help
But why should you commit social suicide for her?
You just kept walking away, selfish
Now though, you think back to those boring assemblies
About bullying and what it could lead to
Why didn’t you just listen?!
Maybe you could have spoken up, or found her help
Its too late now though, as you walk up to her casket
To say your first and last words,
To a girl, whose real name
You never cared to learn
“I’m sorry…”


Details | Free verse | |

On The Edge

He laid flat on the floor
On the edge of his mind's cliff
Taking notes
Wondering
Was this life worth living

He tried to remember
Grasp onto
Happier times
Shadows of light
Fluttered beyond his grasp
Teasing
Evaporating
Hiding
Figments wrapped in glittering paper
Promising
Tempting
Geometrically angled
Away from him

He felt the coolness of the tile
Terracotta pressing against his forehead
Soothing
Absorbing his fever
Steadying him
Whispering 
Promising relief
"Let your blood accentuate my redness"
" I will protect your bones"

Light flows through stained glass 
Christ's brilliant blue eyes
Piercing the man's sadness
Reassuring him
There will be more days
Brighter lights
Warmth not clay
Sadness left to yesterday
The floor will not be fed today
It is washed with salty tears
The edge vanishes
Was it ever here?
One moment 
Graciously
Turned to years
He sits in a pew
Looks up away from himself
It now seems so clear

He gets up
Walks across the floor
Walks out the silent door
Decides once and for all
He doesn't need
Or want
This horrid place
Any more

His heart is healed
God goes where he goes
The suffering he lived no longer grows
What he remembers sets him free
He will not be lost to history
A life of Joy not misery.



Dedicated to native children abused
In church and residential schools. 
Their culture systamaticly stripped 
away. in some cases much worse things
happened behind what should have been 
hallowed walls. 

Contest Sponsored by Shanity Rain
"Native American People"
I was initially reluctant to enter the 
contest because I questioned if this
was honoring to the native population.
As I thought about this I realized that 
it speaks to their resilience as a people
and despite what was done they continue
honoring their people and their culture.
We have much that we can learn from them.



Details | Free verse | |

The Mist, The Fog, and the Ocean's Call

Standing before the great water's roll...
Lost within a dream of greatness...
Breathing in slow.   .     .
Exhales more like whispers..
The burning sun had given way to the calling of night...
The gathering of stones, cool and ancient...
Collecting the sea's sadness...
As the last flicker of light fades until the chiming of tomorrow,
I look to the night sky...
There she is found...
In the shifting shadows of the moon...
A thousand departures created the void...
Releasing the hold on today...
With outstretched arms, I fall into the mist, the fog and the ocean's call.....TAH


Details | Free verse | |

Time Means Nothing When You Love

you can love 
in a just a single moment 
so deeply 
that the loss 
is felt for a lifetime 

it doesn't take time 
to form love's bond 
sometimes it is immediate 
a connection of heart and soul 
that defies logic or explanation

these thoughts crowd the mind 
as flowers she lays 
among her memories 
silently filling 
petals with tears 

for blue eyes now closed 
forever gleam brilliantly 
smiles given so eagerly
with tiny lips of kisses 
still hold her heart captive 

so she lays a white rose 
for every day 
that her little girl
blessed her with her presence 
and one red bleeding rose 
to represent the pain of her loss 

for even in the agony, 
the joy far outweighed the pain

time means nothing when you love 

the gift is to love at all...


Details | Free verse | |

The Stars Are Mine Tonight

I guide my body,
but my soul I do not.
My mind.
My feelings.
They've slowly broken apart.

The darkness screams at me,
trying to reel me in.
"they're gone," they say.
"you're nothing but pitty and sin."

Though most think it's hard to step foot in this place,
it takes true strength to find another way.

As the black swallows me whole,
I see a million bright lights.
I lay there in my sorrow,
and know the stars are mine tonight.

Somehow they -- uniquely twinkling --
take my feelings on adventures to slow my breathing.

They strongly look through me,
and have my mind soaked
with things like courage, and happiness, and hope.

I lay there for hours until their vivid wisdom fades.
the dreadful transition of night to day.

When the sun gradually peaks over the horizon,
I notice the pain in my hand from clenching my knife.
But as the light shines upon me,
the only feeling I have is the feeling of life.

I stand face to face with the greatest star of all.
Feeding off of its power, I break down my wall.

The sun shows me the paths that I have to choose from,
but it's up to me to choose the right one.

I'm ready to cut ties with the sadness I hold.
I shall live my life right and pick the right way to go.

I'm eager for night to fall,
to show them that they were right.
They all found their way.
The stars are mine tonight.


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Butterfly Wings

Broken Butterfly Wings
Empty playground swings
tear filled, wide-eyed
Infants sigh
a choking stolen 
silence fills my being
as my love walks away
from me
I see everything wrong
with the world
once more


Details | Free verse | |

First Thing You Should Know 2

First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song.  These 
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache. 
Watching the smoke curl between his fingertips, he wonders.  Is it his body that’s on 
fire or his soul?  Physically he feels fine yet he sees the flames, inside the pain is 
excruciating yet, not a scratch to be seen.  Isn’t that a thought though, not a scratch to 
be seen on his soul.  Why is it that the scratches and cuts that do the most damage are 
the ones you can never see?  How can that much pain not leave a visible mark?  How 
much pain can the soul take before it turns into the story of humpty dumpty, never to 
be put back together again?  Isn’t it funny how you can forget your dying, when you 
have died inside?
First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song.  These 
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache.


Details | Free verse | |

Staccato Heart

Sometimes I think you can hear
The raging tide in my chest  
Sending waves to my throat.
Do you see them crest at my wrist?
Plunge, recede, and plunge again -
Your undertow has sucked me in.
Like skipping stones over water,
My staccato heart is lost at sea.
No metronome can tame it.  
No borrowed breath can save it.


Details | Free verse | |

Ephemeral

Ephemeral
 
Tis not mystifying, though disheartening, 
that we are simply passing shadows
…. a mere breath exhaled…. transitory
 Sunrises numbered at first drawn breath
 though each stand of hair is lovingly counted
 
A lone flower in a field of waving grass
 will pass unnoticed, once flourished.
 The wind becoming the only witness, 
to its existence, as its scent is carried
 across the meadow....fragrance dissipating
 
Swift waters of life slowly-- but surely--
 wear away our most precious of stones
 their features gently altered with time
 until the final last grain deteriorates 
finding rest, peacefully, on a distant shore


NOTE:  This poem was inspired by the book of Psalms as well as Nature and MY FAITH.


Details | Free verse | |

The Beauty In Futility

Futility
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn 
and made anew

Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live 
And never touch the sky. 

I have to forget you
I have to reject you 
But I will never love anyone 
like I loved you.....

I heard you whisper 
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes 
But you couldn’t feel it

You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I 
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT. 

I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will. 

Be my dirty little secret 
My very worst-kept secret 
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison 
My infernal and endless attraction 
towards complete and utter self-destruction 

I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....

My addiction 
my confusion
my nightmare
my dream never to come true

Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget 
how you were never there

Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?

I have to face the facts 
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you. 

The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to. 

I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely

It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me

You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
with you. 


Details | Free verse | |

In Her Fathers Arms

The evening star glowing in a dust choked sky. A girl stands by a window, with a tear in her eye. She stares at the scene, hardly visible through the grime. She whispers in the wind, “Bring my Dad home this time” She opens the window, and climbs outside, Having a flashlight, in her hand, as her guide. Its glow shows the sides of the street. She’s afraid for what the light will meet Bodies piled everywhere she turns, She wants to go home, and never return. What brought this fate upon her town? All her emotions are stripped and torn down. A frightening sound explodes in her ear. Shadows in the road now appear. She run and hides behind a broken wall Praying to god the rest doesn’t fall. Footsteps coming closer to her She can’t tell who because it’s all a blur She backs away further so not to be seen in light, Quieting her heart pounding from fright. Gun shots and screams fill the air, All these sounds, her ears couldn’t bear. A slight whimper slips from her lips, And over the broken stone she trips. The shadows run closer, showering her heart with fear, She wishes they would just disappear. They pass by her; she fills with delight, She just wants to see her dad tonight. She shines the light, to show her place, And to the shine comes a familiar face. She doesn’t understand who’s to blame Because on the tag shows her father’s name. She holds in her tears and refrains from crying. She falls to the ground where her dad was lying. She lifts his arm and buries her face in his chest. She closes her eyes wanting to forget the rest. The shadows emerge yet she doesn’t see, How close the end for her would be. They look down at her, aim, shoot, and fire. Being with her dad is her only desire. The night had ended causing a little girl harm But she took her last breath, in her father’s arms.


Details | Free verse | |

Tumbleweeds


Memories tumble through my mind, some, missing for a while.
I try to fill in the blanks. Others, I sweep into the corners.
You know, the ones that are easier forgotten.
Tumbleweeds...my memories have become tumbleweeds.
I take snapshots of the cherished ones, giving them a home
before they blow away in the savage wind.
"Did I tell you my mom liked to dance?"
"Yes", I remember.
I hear the music, her long hair bouncing with each step.
She doesn't dance anymore.
Moments gone...memories fleeting.
"Did I tell you my dad played drums?"
"Yes", I remember. 
I hear rat-a-tat-tat in my head.
I used to sing at the top of my lungs while he played.
He never seemed to mind my shrill, little girl voice.
I miss him, I miss his drums. Music is not the same.
I close my eyes and another memory blows through spaces.
My brother is racing his bike down the street FAST.
He is about ten, all legs in his shorts.
"Where are you going?" I call after him, too late.
He is gone and I wonder if he was ever here.
Some do go astray I remind myself.
Missing memories...missing love.
"Wait, come back", I yell. I'm still here.
Ruminating, I ask myself if we ever know the ones we love.
No, not really. I remember.
Frantic, I reach for the tumbleweeds.
I reach for my two earthly fathers who are long gone...
I see them. Then, they blow away, missing again.
I chase them futilely. The savage wind still blows.
Across grains of desert sand, I will never know why.
Tumbleweeds...my memories have become tumbleweeds.

By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
March 2, 2012
Second Place in Chris Aechtner's Let the Masks Fall Contest




Details | Free verse | |

Want to live,but no bread for me

Iam Hungry...Thirst is uncontrollable
It nearly kills me,Cries a poor one..
A dirty wasteland that is his home
but its a heaven for him,His mom
sick in the bed,He is handicapped.
Worms are eating his skinny body,NOBODY to help him!
He is helpless...he want to live 
But waiting for death,Help him god i pray to you....


Details | Free verse | |

Coke Bottle Promises

Sandy grains
wash over and over
a discarded glass
bottle
leaving what is left
smooth as silk
to my fingertips
touch
like a childhood 
memory
thought over and over
once more
and as I look
out into the unyielding 
sea
I recall your promise
words
I recall, over and over
again
like the waves splashing my
tan feet upon the sands
for you are overdue
love
to return to me
as I kiss my love note
to you
and toss the bottle once
more
into the dark blue abyss
below
my coke bottle
promise
forever and only
yours 
I do stay
 honest


Details | Free verse | |

Backdrop of Loss

Memories move like shadows,
A slow and mocking waltz
Across a backdrop of loss.
Breakable as glass, tiny fissures
Through my mind.
Malleable as sand - eroded by time, 
Washed away in pieces.
Still, the senses torment: 
Vacant voices, ghostly glimpses,
Wafts of faint perfume -
Your phantom scent 
The worst kind of haunting.
I fear your image has become plastic -
A product of albums
Flipped through yet again:
A cruel, addictive time loop.
And I can't keep my mind 
From creasing, fading, 
Curling at the edges
Like an old photograph.


Details | Free verse | |

Loving and Breathing (Dilemma of The Broken Hearted)

Inhaled at the age of innocence,
with a breath that lies between stars,
with immortal depths that have no
ending as my lungs forever expand,
Exhalation has become unachievable,
due to the obstruction of faith
of a boy for his very first dream,
Chest heaving as a heart aches,

Is love a tree or the deepest ocean?
My breath or my reason for holding?
The questions unanswered since the 
dawn of man and emotion alike,
Thus the bittersweet conclusion
appears that love equals the two,
Yet how does such beauty create
a pain that suffers from insomnia?

Expendable only to a few torn souls
who have breathed the sweet intoxication
of love, and caressed the linger of its enticing
aroma, and suffered the sting of its departure,
Leaving hearts which cannot withstand the
agony, to exhale affection for everything in
its entirety, crushing the hope of such youths,
yet this warning takes nothing from its appeal,

For to breathe love, is to touch enchantment,
As romance itself in but a breathe shared 
between two spirits rewarded for persistence,
With the risk of being proven fallible,
which leads to tears and pain entwined,
Must we not embrace the risk as reward?
For those as myself, who answered "no"
are condemned to the most fragile breathing,

For each breath hurts like the last
One love, one lost, one breath in all,
Breathing her in as if she has become
the last breath of oxygen in my life,
For she has, she has become my only,
due to a choice made for the perfect love,
Yet my painful irony has become, breathing
and loving, with each one, keeping 
the agony of the other alive forever


Details | Free verse | |

Me, Myself, and I.

I am doing this for myself.
I am done being hurt.
I am tired of the heartache.
i wish i never met you sometimes,
i am tired of you being a jerk,
you hated it when i told you how i felt now you don't get to hear or see me anymore.
you broke my heart.
you have hurt me more than anyone in my life.
why do you act like you don't care?
you think your gods gift to women.
i know you do almost every guy i know thinks that.
i have had so many offers that i had to refuse because i'm still not over you.
i know i should be but, but maybe we were meant to be if we were you blew it, and you can't 
say that you weren't happy with me cause i know you were you told me everyday that you 
loved me even when you broke my heart into tiny little pieces you said "i will always love 
you".
i don't know if you do or not i'm just sayin' how i feel cuz maybe one day you will realize that
"hey i'm stupid for lettin that girl go", NO ONE will love you as much as i still do.
and until you realize that don't come around me, cuz if you were to show up right now i don't 
know what i would say because i'm really hurt and anything could come out of my mouth 
and and i wouldn't care!


Details | Free verse | |

Surprising Kindness

I came upon an old man,
A homeless, wretched soul.
He looked so sad and helpless,
In his hands, he held a bowl.
He was propped against the building,
So, his weakness would not show.
He saw the world through glasses,
With hair as white as snow.

I heard my father whisper,
As my eyes filled with tears,
“One need much more than money,
One needs his loved ones near.”
My father loved his family,
Does this old one feel the same?
With my father’s soul beside me
I asked the old one’s name.

His name, he said with feeling,
Was lost with all he owned.
A thief assumed his identity,
Then, all he had was blown.
His wife died in December,
The vulture, then closed in,
Pounced while he was grieving,
Then, his life changed again.

I gathered the frail body to me,
Spoke kindly, acknowledged his need,
A home and a heart full of loving,
My family would plant the seeds.
Love is the first to be planted,
Followed by trust in their care.
My father’s spirit surrounds us,
His example taught us to share.

The old one lost all his pallor,
With love and trust he gained
More than he ever hoped for,
Another family, who gave him a name.
Grandpa, we decided to dub him
As we fought for all he had lost.
As he won the last legal battle,
His life was the price that it cost.

The old one wanted cremation.
My mother did not and she prayed.
Next thing we knew came a lawyer,
And the Last Will and Testament played.
My mother, for once, became speechless,
And I drew in no better air.
Grandpa was there in the picture,
Leaving us undisputed heirs.


Details | Free verse | |

Carbon Monoxide (CO) Week 2: Carbon Cabrona

Smokeless inhales hurt.
I cough tar on my shirt.
As my black lungs breathe,
Shrilling exhales wheeze.

Cabrona
Falls me
Down to
My knees.

The nicotine cracks
My will.
My composure
Spills.

I want 
This.
I must 
Have this.

I sink
Into
The brink
Of madness.


Details | Free verse | |

Dreaming of Legos MONOTETRA


Using Jared Picketts form Monotetra


                                                 
                                                             
Dreamt I was a giant last night running through Lego City height. Smashing it to pieces with might. Such a good fight, such a good fight! At some point city became real. And the buildings' pain I could feel. Big giants standing on the hill. Punching to kill, punching to kill! Cleaving off huge chunks of red brick. Asphalt flying but could not stick! Smashing through walls with a swift kick. Wanting this lick, wanting this lick. It was as real or though it seems smashing through the walls of my dreams, trying to break free with loud screams. No justice deems, no justice deems! My prison walls are very real. Wish it would help me to appeal. My soul grows stagnant with no zeal. To God I kneel, to God I kneel! Though we live in different worlds on a Merry-go-round that twirls. See diff'rent views as life unfurls. Tears cold as pearls, tears cold as pearls....
Inspired by Jonathan Taylor and Jared Pickett...


Details | Free verse | |

SHADOWLANDS

                                “Once very near the end I said, 'If you can -- if it is allowed – 
                                 come to me when I too am on my death bed.”

                                 “Allowed!' she said. “Heaven would have a job to hold me;
                                  and as for Hell, I'd break it into bits.” 



                                  Oh God, God, why did you take such trouble to force 
                                  this creature out of its shell if it is now doomed to crawl back
                                  -- to be sucked back -- into it?

                                                                    ~ C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed ~


                                  __________________________________



The division should be acute, the before her, the with her, the after her,
Yet there is this constant rattling of doors, though they remain locked,

in theory. I think of her as gone until I turn a page and read a passage 
of pompous dialogue and she returns, My Joie de Vivre, entertaining me 

with that puckish wit, unabashed. She smiles in the dusk with crusading 
colours that bend dark horizons, changing clouds unexpectedly. What was I 

before Joy*? Content, pleasant and productive. But was I alive, aware of
Life, its blissful rhythms? Irony defined: the heart which awakened stone 

no longer beats. Finally, I understand. Lessons are sharp things which
infect both fresh and aging amputations. What do I do with this knowledge? 

It is like learning a language that is no longer spoken, a long monologue 
unbearably forlorn, painful. Faith dismisses hauntings, yet she does so 

in daily degrees, oh, the sweet ghosts that peer from those notes, my name 
underscored in margins. Why is there only one glove in the sewing box?  

Agony hunts me in the garden. Perfume almost, but not quite a match.
Some rooms have snares. I dare not open a kitchen drawer. Pain waits there.

The specter of my former self, a staunch gent, so sure of Heaven's role, 
that cold bloke follows me in the shadows, land of man’s rage and despair.

There is no pretty death, no words can comfort the ravaged left behind,
There is no poetry in our departing; I only pray there is Godspeed in mine. 



*Written Nov 4, 2012






Joy Gresham Davidman, American poet, and C.S. Lewis, English writer and Oxford scholar, were good friends and married solely for the purpose to keep Joy in England (contested). But love came, as it has a habit of doing, when least expected, after Joy was diagnosed with terminal cancer. There love was true and deep, and her death shattered Lewis. His book, A Grief Observed explores his anguish and a Christian’s questions which arise during times of suffering. The film, Shawdowlands, is based on the biography, Through the Shadowlands: The Love Story of C. S. Lewis and Joy Davidman. Lewis died 3 years after Joy. The above poem is a conjecture on my part, as no one can truly know what lies in another's heart, alive or otherwise.  


Details | Free verse | |

The Mourning After

Sunday night Apr. 8, 2001:
the night I slept in relative peace
foolishly, naively believing and
falsely assuming that all was well…

But then the morning after:
though not the worst morning after
still the numbing, paralyzing morning after
the morning his voice seemed far away
as if it were an eerie, drug induced dream
the morning he regretted to inform...

(For a precious few weeks
one hibernates, wrapped up safely
in that protective cocoon
of sweet denial and disbelief)

No, the worst morning after came:
after all had been said and done
after basking in the glow of sympathy 
after the admiration of my iron will
after all returned to daily routines
after I found myself alone again…

Oh no, the worst morning after:
was the morning I startled awake
to find that monster standing there
that monster who pointed at me
and told me the bitter, brutal truth
the awful and merciful truth of God
the truth that you are really gone
and are never, ever coming back…







Details | Free verse | |

You Shall Never Die

I remember the day we met It was the best day of my life I can’t bring myself to forget you For you are a part of my soul I remember the hour I first loved you I know it—I still do And I will never love you less As the years progress I forget about my sad affairs When I reflect upon that day Though our communication died, I still feel there is a way… I do away with the misery As I look into your eyes Your haunting face in a photo Is a living enmity in my heart You shall never die As long as I wait for a new day And lift you—my future! By the grave I will faithfully stay No! It is not a permanent goodbye We shall thrive together again As one mind and body Till then—lie still and I will pray, “May that new day come today”


Details | Free verse | |

Mausoleum

‘Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust’

(No one is going to bust up MY insides,
sew my eyes and mouth shut,
drain my blood and pump me full of fluid
then seal me up in a concrete drawer)

Mama I was so young, so very young
So very young and so very curious
You were sitting in your favorite chair
I was sitting on the arm of your chair
”Mama what did they do to you in the hospital?”
You parted your gown and I saw a flaming scar
Something was missing…

The lady with the bun on her head
came into the classroom with an apple
I was called out into the hall
The lady with the bun on her head
presented me with the apple
I said “Thank you for the apple”
She said, “You’re welcome son”
(Teacher had a grave look on her face,
shaking her head slightly and muttering)
The lady with the bun on her head said
“I need you to come with me son”
and escorted me outside
where our car was waiting;
grandma and grandpa in the front,
daddy in the back with my two brothers.
Daddy said with a wavering voice,
“Boys, your mother has gone to be with the Lord”
We rode home in silence…

They even had a dresser with a mirror
with plush carpet, end tables and lamps
in the room we were escorted to 
They had you laid out in a bed
with the covers folded neatly down
but it was not really you…
Someone had made a copy of you
A life sized, porcelain doll image of you
Grandpa went over and reached down 
“Look, she has her favorite earrings on
Doesn’t she look beautiful?”
(Mama, I didn't think you looked beautiful at all)

I remember asking daddy, "Daddy, how come,
how come they gonna put mama in that drawer?”

Mama I was so young, so very young
I was at the ideal age of six mama
Old enough to comprehend
but too young to understand
Old enough to hurt like hell
but too young to know why

I guess I miss you even now mama
Mama, I guess what I miss the most
is just growing up without you
and that you never said goodbye…

Oh mama... 
don’t let them bust up my insides,
sew my eyes and mouth shut,
drain my blood and pump me full of fluid,
then seal me up in a concrete drawer
like they did you…

'Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust'
(Cremation if you please)




Details | Free verse | |

She waits.


I see her still in twilights shroud
At visions edge she’s standing still
She lives on for me, but makes no sound
Her presence felt , a loving glow.

She watches me with sightless eyes
The look that speaks but makes no sound
Where shadows spill she lingers now
But when I look I cannot see, just feel. 

She should be here if fate were kind
My partner in the quite times
I miss the things she needed that I gave.
That giving soul that has now passed.

She waits, I know she does.
The bond that held will always be
She was my friend, my love, my charge.
Now my pain, my loss, my memory’s dear.


Details | Free verse | |

Angolan Strength

The rim of my Erembe in hand,
her quiet pace remains.

Today the Angolan sky spills liquid of my breast,
while her breath smothers the blank sounds
of the tired plains
(Colors of snowbird’s crest)
woven with the smoke and strain 
of yesterday.

My little Faiza, how were you able to run?

She carries the lone gaze of hours 
dizzily felt four and twenty ago:
the shedding, scraping of blood,
our village skin melts neath the sun,
color of cocoa,
scent of smoking gun.

Bear not burden or shame
upon your desperate frame,
my daughter.

Her face and a diamond linger
I know the worth each brings
(Special love and a shiny finger)

Such pretty things may bring about
a slaughter.

Though never 
the same,
Though never 
together,
each possesses a facet of pain.

The rim of my Erembe in hand,
her quiet pace remains.


Details | Free verse | |

Carbon Monoxide -CO- Week 3: Talkin' 'bout My 'noxide

The steady pull
of temptation--
a tease on
my resolution.

When I can sleep, 
I take what dreams 
afford me.
In these dreams,
my 'noxide comes
to ward me.

Her smoke is an invitation.
my conscience
falls for
the con science
of my imagination.
I give in
and reality spins.

Between the sleeps, 
I lie in sanity. 
I wonder:
Did I give into 
my humanity?
did I'd err?
Is that
smoke in the air?


Details | Free verse | |

Tale Of Heartbreak

I may not be enough for you But I am enough for me Perhaps it was wrong from the start Maybe I knew that Although it wouldn’t last I figured I could at least try Whether it was for you or me I have yet to realize There is no one to blame Other than myself of course Do not let your heart shatter Because the pain is not worth it Another will replace me She will be better for you Because if I stayed You would have been trapped Nothing good can come from me I now realize that A waste of time I can be I have wasted much of yours Yet I do not fear for you Because if you love someone Such as I You let them go If they return it was fate If not they will find another As will I So with love and care I bid you farewell Many doors are now open I wish you well


Details | Free verse | |

Estranged

He looks on with glasses, from a distance, but faces are blurred, and it only magnifies his deep loss
Ninette form 3/23/12


Details | Free verse | |

in memory of a rose

your velvety blossoms
slowly withers away
once tender roots
have now decayed
at the thought i cringe
such insidious disease
gradually infects
each and every leaf

moldy black spots
crinkled stained edges
your magnificent growth
gradually suppresses
your unsurpassed beauty 
now fuzzed up and gray
crinkled debilated stems
a dull distorted array

shoots barely opened
leaves now curled and bent
such unforgettable moment
your petals soon descend
your spicy scent has drifted
such sickly brittle vein
Flowers now discolored
and left to thrive on pain

after months of nurturing
your once marvelous display
the thought of you slowly wilting
has left me in dismay



*My theme is taken from Constance's Poem "in Memory of a rose"*


Details | Free verse | |

Between Happiness And Sadness

Between happiness and sadness
 —silence; an angel prays:

I kiss the loneliness of old people, 
their temples like handfuls of winter; 
their hearts
are used baggage, 
waiting; 
memories speak to them, 
they smile and
tell me stories from their youth 
—sadness falls; 
silence passes unspoken
—they remember the dead. 

I kiss the loneliness from their temples
and sadness lifts from their mouths.

———————————————————————
From my first book: 'In Forbidden Language'

©dah / Stillpoint Books 2010
all rights reserved

Search Amazon Books: "in forbidden language/dah"


Details | Free verse | |

Carbon Monoxide (CO) Week 1: O.D.A.A.T.

Chain smoke until
I'm in care of the CO.
There's one left, still.
I smoke it really slow.
"It's the end," I anticipate
As the last inch evaporates.

I can't get
Over it;
It's over before 
I know it.
Butt, I can't quit.
I'm possessed with this 
Obsession; I'm addicted.

My lungs have oxygen,
Yet I'm suffocating inside.
I can't breathe again
Without my 'noxide.


Details | Free verse | |

Of Barren Cribs

The holding of his joyful trembling arms
will clasp no more pink feeble fingers
for even blood betrayed its passing.

The most beautiful cry 
vanished without a single tune
unheard by the looking grandparents.

No unfamiliar friends in white
giving genuine smiles
and congratulations to the dad
but the unacceptable shaking of heads
and unwanted tap at their backs.
Suppressed get-the-hell-out-of-heres.

And the mother?
Nothing is more hurting than to never touch
a thing that she sheltered all her life
To holler in pain of delivering would have been divine
to scream, wonderful
to roar, magnificent
to rip bed sheets
and curse the father while letting it out into world
are mostly gratifying
than to remain silent while the cannula
forces its entry to the abandoned world of unborn.

No stupid peek-a-boos will ever echo in this
haunted crib.
No tingling of rattles 
will ever irritate ears in smelly midnights
No nursery rhyme will hum.

School bus will never blow its horn
To call upon the school child.

No stars on a hand.

No you’re-the-best-mom-in-the-worlds.


Entrant into Scribe Marlon Linton's UNBORN BABIES DREAM Contest
© October 8, 2012


Details | Free verse | |

Remembering God's Grace

The calmness settles in now
with acceptable disquietness
as we return to living life
with one less earthly vessel
dwelling lovingly among us.  
 

Silence reigning for moments
as our minds and spirits search
for solace in numbing grief
while shadows from the past
run a perpetual playback
of memories, now bittersweet.

In the stillness of this new day
may we find peaceful comfort
as our feet search for stable
ground and our hearts struggle
with our own personal storms

Remembering God’s grace
and Dad's stepping stone of Faith


3/31/2012

I wrote this for my family this morning after we layed my father-in-law to rest yesterday.  Such a faithful man in Christ.  His earthly presence will be missed, but his memories will forever be with us.


Details | Free verse | |

A Letter of Love/Hate

This hurts too much,
Even though at times
Its the best thing ever.
However,  the pain I feel right now 
Is destroying all that I am. 
I feel worthless and dumb. 
Vunerable and used. 
I also feel loved and special. 
Beautiful and wanted. 
These feeling are so extreme in every which way possible.
I love how I feel when with you
I hate how I feel guilty when we part
I love looking in your eyes
I hate when mine cry
Your fingers along my face also touches her
Those lips that drive me crazy
Are sleeping against her neck tonight
I love who I am around you
I hate what I have turned into
I love the way you make me feel
I hate that she must feel that as well
No matter how good it feels
This pain is too much to bear
I love you
I truely truely do
But the hurt is not worth
The random few moments of bliss.
Goodbye, my love-hate lover
Goodbye





**Note**
This is a letter/poem I wrote for someone special. But it moves me so much every time i 
read it, I thought maybe someone else would enjoy reading it as well. 'To write is to share 
with the world, how we all feel but never speak of'     Lisa


Details | Free verse | |

CAPTCHA's Cruelty

HELP

The CAPTCHA took me by surprise tonight
Letters became ghouls in my mind’s eye
I listed them—
Noted them; words...begging, crying out for me

STAY

CAPTCHA was merely mocked
By millions of viewers on keyboards
I imagined all—
Tears began to fall

LOST

How may I help you, CAPTCHA?
Are you merely what they say?
Is there more—
Tell me, I pray

AAND

You bewilder my senses with your emptiness
The computer became my way to you
But all I could do—
Was imitate

CRYY 

I began to imagine someone stuck in CAPTCHA
A place where they harbored the weak
They took what they pleased—
Allowed them to speak

NNOW

Today it was happening and evermore
There was a reason I came to know
And now—
I want to know more

FOLL

I swallowed air and typed in the words
Feeling worthless and absurd
I began to believe—
There was more to this irrational dream

XOW3

The screen went black and then I was sure
I couldn’t doubt it anymore
The CAPTCHA wanted me—
The letters suddenly blurred and unseen

CAPTCHA
CAPTCHA
Let them go
CAPTCHA 
CAPTCHA
Full of woe
CAPTCHA
CAPTCHA
Take me now
CAPTCHA 
CAPTCHA
Tell me how to
CAPTCHA
CAPTCHA
Set them free
CAPTCHA
CAPTCHA
Knowing is free

Knowing is free

MMEE

For years I have copied your codes
Knowing you are there
Me—it’s me
Crying in the dark pit of despair

AAND

Though empty your words are to me
They are all I hear
All I fear—
In four letters on this electric trap

XXBX

What am I to do?
To follow would weary my soul
To save—
Would take its toll

FREE

What is this foreign word my dear?
Oh, how can you cut and paste it in my mind so clear?
Free—and then? 
Close your eyes and count to ten

The victims of the CAPTCHA remain a mystery to us all
Yet still we stare at the codes and merely imitate them
We are zombies staring our lives away
Trapped in CAPTCHA’s claws
Sad, deprived. . .
CAPTURED

I speak your language to stop this cruelty:

THEE 2TRUE TH78 IS9X BEF4 HOUR VERY EYES

Though we choose not to see
We choose not to fight
We choose only to IMITATE
We merely copy and paste

CRYY
CRYY
CRYY

GOOD
BAYE
BAYE
BAYE 







Details | Free verse | |

Lost in Ink Stains

My words are lost in ink stains 
Verses smudged in prints of you 
Illegible scribbles soon fill in lines 
Once paved with love anew  
Now only paperless pain ensues 

An unnatural sequence of thoughts
Scribed in distressed hues of blue
Will re-actively release your grip 
But the pain it can’t undo 
Now only agony grew

My heart hands weep writes of tomorrow  
My paper and pen are tempered in sorrow
My emotions bellow wallows 

Of a mournful mind  
I pray
This too 
Shall pass
In time…



 


Details | Free verse | |

Cancer, You are an Artist

Cancer, you are an artist
A prolific one at that,
For several dear ones
Have encountered your work.

Your wretched fingers as sculptors
Design imprints of faces unknown.
You smudge white, pain-ridden clay
A little here, a little there,
Till your subject becomes amorphous.

But oh you are not finished!
A red cross encrusted kiln
Invariably cements your doings.
A surgery of crackling and burning,
Until the shape is spit out,
A hard shell lost of all dignity.

Satisfied with your creation,
You give it one last look
Before it rests on an earthly shelf
And another project is begun.

I am sad to say,
You are quite skilled at your craft.


Details | Free verse | |

Wounded Warrior

For the torn,
for the meek.
Toward the storm,
toward the beast.

For the scorned,
for the weak.
Wounded warriors,
for the free.

In the dirt,
make my bed.
Firefight,
overhead.

Live on hope,
consume hate.
Rusted spoon,
rusted plate.

On this stage,
in my role.
Home one day,
never whole.

For this goal,
in the name.
Different soul,
though the same.

Take my life,
use it well.
Build your heaven,
on my hell.

Don't you cry,
I'll always be.
Wounded warrior,
for the free.


Details | Free verse | |

Silenced

you turned our  shared world upside down
without explaining in more or only few words
changing closeness into the opposite of nigh 

hidden in your dyslexic stronghold
you missed  the shame I overcame 
ignoring my myriad attempts for another try

behind your translucent glass-brick wall
you're suddenly earsplitting deaf
ceaselessly refusing to explain  why

a living nightmare slowly muted
the opposite of a love song dies down
embedded in tears I still cry

sorry seems to be the hardest word
not for me to say sincere and heartfelt to you
but for you to understand by losing also your third eye 

behind thousands  of hugest question marks
the presence of your absence displays
a killing-field of friendship where people partially die

© Elly Wouterse



Details | Free verse | |

Beautiful as Daisies

She was Rachel, beautiful as her name and in all ways.
In innocence, caught up in “grown up, worldly things
Folks who knew her laughed it off took is as if a joke
At a loss to grasp the deeper meaning behind it all
Her parents were alarmed and sought to reinforce their rules
But it seemed it was too late to remedy this state
It’s so hard to understand how this change came about
One moment she was their baby, the next, a stranger in their midst
This tragedy could not have been any part of God’s plan
Lost, running away, leaving behind comfort and warmth
She, instead would hitch-hike her way to live as a stray
Rachel and her friends never envisioned the many dangers
For lack of better judgment, with her life she would pay
He seemed like an average “Joe”, wearing a jacket of softest leather
She thought, ‘He’s hot and dressed fine; no way could he be whack’
Inexperience and temperament silently urged her on
Repressed anger held fast as she played a game of dice
She’d been waiting at the gas station just off Route Seventy Seven 
Many hours past, as she mulled over random thoughts
Cold, tired and hungry, it was getting late as panic took a seat

Contn'd Pg. 2


Details | Free verse | |

The Bench In Central Park

       On this dreary winter morning I sit on a bench in Central Park.  Lost in my own 
thoughts of the conversation I had with my ex-wife and her last remarks.  I keep asking 
myself is it my fault?  What did I do wrong?  The chilly wind fills my ears with it's endless 
song.  I shiver slightly and goose bumps crawl along the back of my neck.  Her words have 
left me an emotional wreck. I pull my leather jacket tighter around my shoulders.  I feel it in 
my bones this day will get colder.
       I've seen several joggers getting in their morning run.  That just shows people will 
continue their lives never mind the rays of the sun.  So many thoughts running through my 
head.  And I hold the morning newspaper I still haven't read.  I contemplate over my life, it's 
not always easy, and so-called-friends can be the enemy.  Even your spouse living in your 
house can betray you with infidelity.  That is why my heart is aching like a cavity.  Right now 
I'm doing my best to hang on to my sanity, but I really want to shout profanity.
       I notice an attractive couple hand-n-hand laughing and enjoying a morning stroll; and 
for some reason I can't control, I feel a sense of peace glow within my soul.  My insecurities 
diminish from their dark hellhole.  I begin to feel "whole," and suddenly this morning doesn't 
seem so cold.
       I get up from the bench shaking off the numbness that has set in.  A very pretty woman 
walks by with her dog and I grin.  She notices and smiles back.  Wow!  A kinda smile that is 
only meant for kodak!  I watch her walk past me with her dog leading the way.  Something 
tells me "you better not let this one get away."  As I'm listening to my inner voice, she 
glances back over her shoulder, and I knew that she too was giving me a choice.  Amazing 
how just several minutes ago my entire world seemed so dark.  I now knew everything was 
going to be okay because of this bench in Central Park......


* 10th Place win in "Anything Goes" Contest 
   sponsored by A Rambling Poet



Details | Free verse | |

ThoseTheGodsWouldDestroyTheyFirst MakeMad

      I know where you are,
I simply can't find you .....
         alone and together
we silently sway .

  You sit in the lamplight
          in front of the embers,
yesterday's answers 
asleep on the floor.

  I sweep up the fragments
             of years in the evening,
laying them gently 
on top of the coals.

  one bright flaring moment
            alive in your pipils,
  a memory burning

like dry leaves
        in Autumn,
a smile on your face
that you wore when you found me

lost and alone
as I am here today.


Details | Free verse | |

Grieving Goodbye

One step I go back, and
I see you holding my hands...
With a smile, walking down the lanes.
Yesterday I acquainted me in you
When your hands grabbed mine in your fears
With such reliance, allaying down the pains.
And Today when I stood still
I saw myself lost in despair
When my hands sorely waved you goodbye.

Another step I go back, and
I see you resting on my shoulder
With an ease, breathing  out all your whimseys.
Yesterday I held myself in you
When you hugged me in your tenderness
With such peace, grieving away all the hearsays.
And Today when I fastened myself
I felt I betrayed your trust
When my arms direly opened to free your life.

Further I stepped to go back, and
I see you lying up on me abreast
With an intimacy, desiring all your fondness.
Yesterday I mellowed my soul in yours'
When you lusted me in your reverences
With such warmth, melting down all the iciness.
And Today when I lie down
I realized I burnt my essence
When my deity hollered out to coffined my soul.

Yet I wanted to go back, and
I see my shadow fading out slowly under the daylight
With such isolation, deafing all those mirthful moments.
Yesterday I was in a state of solitude
Till I acquainted with your heart and soul
With such reliance, peace and warmth, gratifying all forbearance.
And Today I am back, where I was
I raged as it was hard to believe
When my heart panicked to say you GOOD-BYE.


Details | Free verse | |

Beautiful as Daisies

Contn'd from Pg 1

So she called out to the stranger and asked for a ride
Snow had fallen heavily and already piled three feet high
When she climbed into the four-wheel truck never giving it another thought
Before he headed down the highway, he went into a crowded bar
Intuition nudged her, ‘get out now, turn back!’ But pride urged her, 'stay'
He returned with a brown bag; appearing harmless as he turned to her
‘Say, you’re trembling!’ He said and flashed a breathless smile
‘Here, have a slug, of this, it’ll warm you up, pretty girl!’ 
Hesitation loomed for a minute then she accepted the bag from his hand
Young Rachel, was now treading a path beyond thin, cracking ice 
As tears stung her beautiful eyes, she'd never had a drink this strong
How her vacant tummy rebelled against the searing burn
Nausea arose from deep within, and she began to have regrets
Registering strong protest, her regurgitation would later accuse her killer
Her faith was sealed as there were no open doors left for escape
And before she realized he had made a reckless wide left turn
Down the snow covered dirt path through tall pines and fir
No longer were there sightings of sparsely lit farm houses 
Interspersed along the desolate, picturesque landscape 
The four-wheeler tackled with ease, snow drifts of fresh fallen snow
Where the following spring young Rachel's body would be discovered
That night Rachel laid buried under a few feet of snow
She was at rest now to awaken to eternity in sunny fields 
Beautiful as daisies growing in heaven, carefree and endlessly in bloom!

~*~

For:  Rachel..R.I.P.




Details | Free verse | |

KALEIDOSCOPE

                                              KALEIDOSCOPE


Say unto wisdom, thou art my sister and call understanding thy kinswoman.  Proverbs 7:4


Wisdom flew out the window as the clock struck 
sixteen minutes after midnight on an October night in 1973 
It soared away on feathered wings of blackbirds cawing of death 
carrying the message to streets and by-ways of childhood 
The entrance to the avenue of innocence    barricaded by birds 
weaving an impenetrable barrier of lost dreams and half-grown shadows 

Understanding slid into creases in rumpled bed sheets 
and was lost when my sister flew home to Heaven  
Shrouded by a fog of sleep    I dropped my kaleidoscope 
shattered childhood’s innocent hues    cracked prisms of dreams 

She was the older sister    She took wisdom with her when she left 
leaving me with years of making wrong choices 
She held understanding of my fears    hopes    dreams
She alone knew my desire to be a nun and knew I wasn’t Catholic 
We were saved together    baptized together      
I morphed my dream of entering a nunnery into zeal 
for ministering to people in far-away lands 

Instead    I spent too many years chasing chips of colored glass 
that held fragments of an innocent    lost    love
My dreams drowned as I swam through seas of alcohol 
Youthful shadows lost forever in a haze of pot smoke 
I tried to build a kaleidoscope with shards of glass 
but the prisms were lost inside my LSD induced nightmares

My age    not my memory    tells me I was a teenager once     
Years of lost moments and wrong paths taken 
where I only circled back    endlessly    on myself

Time tumbles along like prisms of glass in a kaleidoscope
The cha-chinking of colored moments ever changing
I spun like a top on my pivotal moment    lost sight of my destiny
Yet    somehow    I meandered through the maze 
picking offshoots of wisdom    compassion    understanding
tucking them like little wild daisies into my hair 
I found the words to speak of what I learned
in this language of poetry that travels to far-away lands




Details | Free verse | |

14 years ago

Death,
thou boisterous ancient foe,
you crept in surreptitiously,
and bore a hole in our hearts.
It's 14 years now,
14 years of longing.
For seven years, the torrential rain battered us,
and we almost succumbed to the intensity of the rain.
Then,
a Moses arose,
lion-hearted damsel
and the lineage was rescued.
Father, I ache and bleed daily,
as I remember your tilling and planting seasons.
You planted many seeds in us.
Father, a little seed has sprouted,
and has borne many fruits,
succulent fruits indeed.
I wished I could give you a bite,
Alas,
the curtain was drawn 14 years ago,
and now you are a complete dust.
Adieu, my father!
Adieu, the muse that brought out the poet in me.







The pain, grief and sorrow that I felt after my father's death forced me to look for a way of expressing the pent up emotion of anger and sadness; poetry gave me the answer. Over the years, I have fallen in love with poetry and no one can break the union


Details | Free verse | |

Old Ironsides

Only silence dresses her rigging now
To the call of the bosun’s whistle
Her hatches now stand locked and secure
Where long past sailors once lingered
She is the last of the old frigates
Moored in the shallows of Charlestown
Board her and hear her echoes of valor
Haughtily anchored her colors humbly fly
No blemishes on her hull show her battles
Her carronades still sit silently waiting
As she floats mythically at ease
For a moment I can hear the great moans
Her keel and sailors cresting Atlantic waves
To Captain Hulls orders to come about
And charge on the enemy ship Guerriere
On her decks I feel the plight of her dead
Hearing stories of centuries old bulkheads
Astounding feats of a morose pride
To have brought their foe to capitulate
Now she stands tacit though ever grand
And still on her decks and deep in the bowels
The mighty spirit of U.S.S. Constitution dwells  
A monument of endurance softly whispering
“Lest we remember long forgotten sacrifices…”


Details | Free verse | |

Eyes

Her delicate silhouette still lingers in my eyes, 
closer than these arms can embrace; haunting me. 
I breathe her in within the lull of a zephyr, 
lilac and roses filling the air; forever staining my memory.
Life found her defenseless, silenced by a veil of darkness; 
faith clutched tight within her hand,
as esoteric dreams are shattered beneath the rages of a soulless hand.
Frail she emerged, soul hidden, draped in shades of gray.

Sweet serenity severed tragically; incarcerated reality. 
Her taunting whispers bleed my heart,
no peace for the buried thoughts inside;
for innocence was laid to rest before dying, 
earthbound, intimately weaving in and out through me.
No more saline tears to sate these eyes,
just an expressionless specter in human disguise.
She wore candy apple red the day she left; bright eyes that smiled.


Details | Free verse | |

Mom

Mom,

I tried to call you last night.

I nearly had a heart attack, as I frantically searched every book in our 

house for a number with your name,

And it wasn’t until the sun slept and the moon awakened that I realized,

Heavens number isn’t in the yellow pages,

And your old cell number is disconnected too,

And no matter how many times I call the operator , 

She wont connect me to “My mommy.”

So I sat there..

Staring at the four walls that have transformed 

from my sanctuary to my hell

Listening to the old church songs that no longer lift my spirit

Because how can songs lift a spirit that is in pieces?

Mom,

Your scent is no longer in your clothes

And those pictures of you and I smiling 

as if there is no more happiness 

in the world to attain

Have faded

And every object that you once touched so freely,

Has been packed into boxes with no name,

The sound from the tape sealing them shut made me cry,

The movers came and no matter how much I pleaded and begged,

They still would not resist in taking all I had left of you away

So mom,

I grabbed my jacket.

Running fast as I could and ignoring the pain that my deep breaths 

caused.

Ignoring the stares of school aged children sitting with their mothers

and fathers,

I ran faster than I ever have.

Because mom ,

They are taking all that’s left of you in small brown boxes to the ends of

the earth

And so to the ends of the earth I will travel to be with you,

Mom.


Details | Free verse | |

Die alone and born again

The man with the plastic bug in his head
monopolized my dreams last night
in the place that the horsefly of my dignity
finally surrender to the impresario without a fight.

Seven days and 7 hours transplanted in my memorabilia
reminding the rustiness of the purple child
flatterers danced beneath the clouds of melancholy
and morality spreader the master plan inside my mind.

The disinheritance of my immortality the final day
discouraged my desire to see the forbidden love
restored my will to escape
manipulated the deep of the uncertainty above.

Released from the plastic bug in my head
try to cover my yellow child in the purple sky
laughing,singing,whispering,playing
seven days and seven hours before he dies.


Details | Free verse | |

Nightmare

Rest is a requirement,
for all,
in order to have this,
sleep is a must,
after a day’s of hard work,
wherein sleep is a must,
for all,
to freshen up the next day,
though the mind goes to sleep,
and the body follows suit,
the subconscious mind awakens,
and in lie,
a number of dreams,
awaiting you,
the dream,
that always reigns in my mind,
is the death of my wife, 
not once,
but more than a couple of times,
why does this dream,
often arise in my mind,
is the answer I seek,
is it because of the love we have towards one another,
or is it the compassion for each other,
or is it in relation of serving one another, 
or is it a kind of warning,
a warning to take care in the future, 
some people may call this as the sixth sense,
while I call this a nightmare,
as nightmares are really scary,
yes, nightmares are quite scary indeed, 
if you do agree with me or not!!

From:-Mr.Manu Nair (dated 19th November, 2012)


Details | Free verse | |

Something Special

We don’t know something special until it’s gone
Even when it looks us straight in the eyes
A gift, an opportunity, a friend or even love
Hovering, ever present to the point of screaming
Oblivious, not seen, not realised now lost
Like a flick of a switch you suddenly realise
What could have been has just given up


Details | Free verse | |

Happy

When I’m all alone
I try to kill the thought of you
Assuring myself
You’re just a ghost passing through

And now that you’re here with me
I feel the need to soar and fly
Only thing is:
I’d much rather crawl away and die

I don’t want to be happy 
I don’t want to fool myself
I don’t want to feel the pressure
Of putting on a heaven in hell

I don’t want to be your angel
I don’t want to face the growth
I don’t want to be happy
I don’t want the aching truth

You never saw me in your stride
As I smiled wide in my heavenly hide
Believing in myself without a chance
Not able to grasp this ghostly romance

You smoked me like a cigarette
Burning out my love, leaving butts of regret
And all the time I laugh and smile
As you see right through me all the while

I don’t want to be happy
I don’t want to live a lie
I don’t want to feel your leisure
As I crumple down to die

I don’t want to disappoint you
I don’t want to show and tell
I just want to see you happy
Just leave me in the dark to dwell


Details | Free verse | |

true story

they said when they found her
she was frozen

my god-mother who was a police officer
told me 
they had to peel the ice laden sheets from
my mothers face

i knocked on the the door
the night before

when it swung open behind the iron guard gate

i stared at champagne
such an odd name
for a pit bull

having hated me for years
he lunged at the gate

why didn't i just leave?
why?

i ran to the back of the house and
broke the window
why was i panicking?

broke the window to draw him to the back

ran back to the front door
and tried...
mamma i tried....

to open the gate

champagne
such an odd name
hit the gate howling and growling

i wish i would have paid attention
to how he looked at me

i left defeated
and asked the neighbor if he had seen
my mom

"not today"

i found out the next day
that my mom was frozen stiff on that bed
all alone
while i knocked
outside


Details | Free verse | |

Through The Mist

Through the Mist
It feels like a lifetime has passed since my beloved I last saw, Bedecked in shining armor, my brave Geoffrey did gallantly gallop, Riding his silver steed, through a soft silky blue morning mist That like a tender lover enveloped and amorously embraced him.
Now overtaken by dark despair, silently willing my love to reappear, Despondently I peer through this most mystifying mist, realizing that On this fateful day twenty years before, he had unwittingly succumbed To its seductive allure because man and mist had merged becoming one.
Date: 8-21-2014


Details | Free verse | |

Awakening ...

Reaching hands
fingertips touching
Clasping.
      Finally.

Pull me down
to golden depths of you
where quiet awaits in breathless peaceful.
Wrap your broken mind around my
grateful soul
and hear the healing songs of 
God’s spirit ....
     hummingbird wings as they kiss your cheek
     spring breezes through autumn pines
      incoming tide in twilight sleep
      winter’s first snowfall ~

open your eyes
remember mine
and
    take my hand ...


Details | Free verse | |

Do you care???

Do you like destroying our family?
Do you enjoy tearing us to shreds?
Or are you too prideful to care
Too ignorant to change your ways

I know full well that you don't regret it
I know that you don't mind hurting us
Satan has a tight grip on your heart
And you don't even think twice about it

How I want to speak out to you
But alas I am too young
Believe me, you wouldn't listen to me
But I'm wise enough to know what is wrong


Details | Free verse | |

A poet destroyed

I burn in a fiery blaze of disappointment for a poor judge to see .
Swallowed by hungry tears. Shallow tears eat my cheek.
 The salty substance, similar to the oceans of life. 
Washed away and swept off my feet. 
I am a tiny speckle left of a winning dream. 
Destroyed by a poets losing dream .
 A poet destroyer. 
The ocean of life washing away my short winded words, 
along with my poorly judged tears in this oceans lair.
Knoked by a rock, out of my rhyming socks.A poet destroyed.


Details | Free verse | |

See you in heaven


It has been almost three years
since to heaven you did fly
We miss the beauty of your soul
now you share it with the sky...

Heaven now knows the warmth of your heart
So bright you put the stars to shame
the glow of Springtime's sun
will never be the same...

Our son has the strength of your soul
the passion of your heart with much to share
in his eyes your majesty of the cosmos
like you a love of animals with much to spare...

My love add your wonder to the stars
enhance the blue of the midday sky
we miss the unequaled shining light
and the tenderness in your eyes...

Soar all the way to heaven my lady
for eternal love has set you free
I await here among the living
for you to greet me in heaven splendidly..
~ ~


Details | Free verse | |

Moving On?

As the sun caresses the world
In her warm embrace to wake us,
	I held you.
Like a toddler boldly stepping forth
Into the wondrous adventure awaiting,
	I taught you.
Admirer, collector, connoisseur of the fine,
I found so much to admire in you,
	I appreciated you.
Eyes twinkling starlight, impish grin,
I learned much and you taught me to play,
	I grew with you.
The glow of life, a bundle of joy,
You gave me my dream of having a family,
	I was you.
Romeo was just a passing fling,
My love was King … none surpassed my strength,
	I loved you.
Days now are just empty minutes,
My new quest to find peace and move on,
	I forgive you.
Cheeks wet, heart heavy, spirit strong,
Mind firmly stuck on dusty, old Memory Lane,
	I miss you.


Details | Free verse | |

Final Days

Thoughts of a world without you
Make me cringe.
I felt you were invincible.
You were the constant,
The strength when I could carry the pain no more.
Always the courage when I was afraid.
My sole source for true love,
Love independent of my success or failure.
Never could I imagine this day would come.
Now, death grips your hand tighter than life.
I try to be strong.
I hope I am brave.
I pray every day I find your traits in me.
The hours seem to fly.
Tomorrow floats so far ahead.
Nothing is certain,
Each breath could be the last.
I weep, sad for the impending loss.
Yet joyous in the knowledge
Soon you will suffer no more.


Details | Free verse | |

Healing a bleeding rose

A soul weeps in flesh for the pain I left behind.
 I am sorry for the pain,the tears, I left for you to bear. 
These healing words I send with a bumble bee to heal a bleeding rose. 
These napkin like words I pray can wipe your tears and snotty nose.
 I was young and naive,I cherished my pride instead of your heart . 
There the coldest winter did start. 
If it makes you happy I disposed of the mistress. 
Who faded in long lost memory of shadowed kisses.
 No,no,no I am sorry for writing that,
its a poets bold habit of honesty,
but in writing this I thought i should be honest and honest I shall be.I apologize for leaving your emotions suppressed,unknown and ostracized. 
Yes, I know the ocean swollen with your tears,the angels descended on a bloody battle field to  hear your cry.I hope you can summons them again and reconsider the report to the almighty farther. 
If I could write this apology in the eye of the sky I would,for my remorse to be seen , a once foolish human being .Your heart I didn't mean to decay. I apologize for the lies, cries,for making you eat sadly all those ice creams and soggy apple pies,from absorbing tears fallen from yours eyes. Left to wonder in the vastness of the universe alone. I am sorry also sorry for the smudged ink and some of the lines. I cried along with them, imaging your painful times.


Yours truly Elliott Bowe 
To:Simone Descartes


Details | Free verse | |

For Grandmomma Pt 2

Con't from Pt 1

At two years old your motherly instincts took me away./ What could my "mother" say,/ she 
was married to a man who had a violent hand./ I was too young to understand./ But being 
with Grandmomma was God's plan./ There was never a time I was too old for you to hold./ 
You protected me from abusive hands./ You would take beatings in my place from your old 
man./ Vile names would sting my young ears./ Your arms would comfort me and you would 
wipe away my tears./
     I remember as a child, Thursdays,/ being the best days./ A movie, then a toy,/ and ice 
cream could be no greater joy./ I was Grandma;'s boy/ You kept my belly full with home 
cooked meals./ You were the one who watched me ride my first bike without traiining 
wheels./ 
You use to tuck me into bed./ Read me a story and kiss my head./ The times I was sick with 
fever,/ you watched over me without catching a breather./
     For twenty-nine years your love was unconditional and without end./ You were not only 
my Grandmomma but my Mother, Father, my friend./ I pray my words spiritually reach to 
you beyond those pearly gates./ Because like in life, and in death, God had made us 
eternally Soulmates!/ I love you momma.....
 
Billie Jean Alexander Lopez     May 1, 1937-July 26, 2007
 
Note: I just finally finished this piece for my momma,  It took 2 years!
The form of poetry is "spoken work" Thought I would share this piece with you guys.
It's a deep personal piece and I hope it "reads well"   
                                                                         Jimmy


Details | Free verse | |

To Weak To Cry

When I think of the plight that children face all over the world
I just want to cry
Hunger starts and ends their everyday
As many of us continue to waste away
The scraps that we toss could save a child’s life
I’ll tell you the human race is nothing nice
We have no problem spending trillions on war
As children starve to death outside a millionaires store
They put locks on the dumpsters to keep them out
To greedy to give what they are throwing out
I watched a show just the other day
That showed Children just wasting away
Right there in their mothers arms
As I ate my giant bowl of lucky charms
Pirates raiding off the Somalia Coast
Because their children’s eyes are hollow as a ghost
If my Children were starving these words are true
Captain Hook wouldn’t hold a light to you know who
I think in the overhaul scheme of wrong and right
Mankind in general has lost all sight
Could you imagine kissing your child’s last breath?
The rich get richer as they starve to death
So as you all tuck your kids into bed tonight
Kids all over the world will lose their fight
They will simply lie down and die
To hungry to fight to weak to cry


Shelters that feed the Hungry are in every
town, when was the last time that you gave
something. No person is any greater than the
depth of their compassion. To give is to receive
for there is no greater blessing in this life. Keep
what you need and give the rest and the Lord will
make sure you never run out. God Bless, MJ
Written for Sami's contest


Details | Free verse | |

not all is lost

Not all is lost.
In rotting wood,
where salamanders
hibernate, 
creatures plunder 
fallen treasures. 
Under the garden chair, 
a pair 
of summer shoes lie - 
abandoned? 
Not all roses die 
when summer goes.
Somewhere a rose
is blooming still, 
waiting to be found.


Details | Free verse | |

Dear cat,when old

Lurching yet graceful ,the old black cat sets off.
Slowly he circles the edges of the garden in joy.
In the car ,though still in a shut basket,
He always knew when we came to the turning of the road.
Was it the cherry trees in blossom,a scent
Or something we could never be aware of?
I would open his basket in the car.
He comes out and descends so carefully
Onto the pavement,then tries to bound up the path,
The long wooded back garden is his total joy.
He would sit watching tiny frogs in a deep pond in the sun.
No doubt he longed to catch one.
He once brought a robin indoors,
The bird was completely unharmed.
Must have been his gift to me
We released it later after its shock had worn off.
Now he can only hobble,
And soon, his thinness warns me, he'll be gone.
No cat has ever loved or will love like this cat,
A rescued, terrified animal.
His eyes say everything to me.
I look into their clear-jewelled greenness
I look into a deep,still glowing sea of light.
The last day,finally, all day,he's on my knee.
I say"goodbye,goodbye,Pussy".
And he's gone,just before tea.
Now the garden seems empty.
Love leaves a gap.
Love leaves us bare
Love leaves us stripped.
Yet Love is eternal grace.
A mystery of faith.
I believe.
Believe.
Be.


Details | Free verse | |

Amid the Purple Phlox

I am losing you again

White, oh your skin, whiter than pearls…
I sit here, trying not to stare,
Serene you are, as you lie in your bed,
How awful could agony become?

I am losing you again

Chapped and faded your divinely drawn lips…
Opaque, the spark in your eyes, it no longer exists,
Uttering out the words, "you had my heart from the start,"
Lament, your words are, as your lips part,
Does God really need another angel by His side?

Exasperating, your paralysis, suffocates me…
Abashed I awake, from a nightmare,  
Throbbing, I almost submerged your sheets with gasoline,

Yelping,
Oh poor baby, you are so soggy from the chemo,
Undying, everlasting we are, hang on my love,
Rusting your skin, your sickness is so ruthless, to kill you,

Could I really break the wall my pride has built?
Angst haunted me as I listened to the mournful,
Notes of the saddest symphony existing…
Could I please place a red rose on your mahogany sepulcher?
Endless our love is, as a paroxysm of pain,
Rushed through my blood,

Amid the purple phlox, and the emerald elms,
Waves of distress, overwhelm,
As I realise how your anguish was so true,
Yesterday, I wished I had died instead of you…


Details | Free verse | |

Back to Sender

You speak of love, and I say nay
Betrayal is more like it
I trusted you, but you took advantage
plundering it to oblivion

Your tokens of love are laughable,
all merely fool’s gold
they satiated me before
now they disgust me                                                                      
          

We speak of different kinds of love
Yours is physical, mine is emotional
and I refuse to give in anymore
so throw away your bargaining chips

This love is not for sale.




**May 25, 2010 written for John’s The Gauntlet contest :)


Details | Free verse | |

Waif of Life

The child aged only ten
dressed in tatters for clothes
roams the city streets
begging for a crust or two

His bed is wherever he can find
a place to lay his weary head
newspapers are his blankets
a doorway becomes his home

People hurry by uncaring
not touched by this little waif
never pausing to think
of what has brought him so low

Orphaned when he was only eight
none to take him into their homes
he had to learn street creed fast
soon understood he was on his own

Raped by the age of only nine
he has learnt not to trust
expecting nothing from life
apart from abuse and blows

Just one more forgotten waif
yet in his heart a spark remains
as he remembers times gone by
will he make it through to eleven?


Details | Free verse | |

Transparent

Standing
under
an unjust moon
unable
   to move
from this
lurking mood
   of alone

no shadow
   cast by
this vaporous
form
reflecting nothing
   nothing
but empty
heart drained and
dust
   dry


Details | Free verse | |

So-called poem

Have I lost it?
The writing thing?
Have I been absent for so long that my thoughts are unable to come to a 
complete stop and decide to focus...on ...one...thing?
I shudder profusely and then shake....
shudder...shake...doesn't that mean the same thing?
God....this feeling of complete talentlessness is absolutely....bad?
(SIGH!!!!!)
For the sake of being poetic I come up with...bad...seriously!!!
My fingers move at a snail's pace to keep up with the dismay that wants spill its 
inerts on this screen in front of me and it will take the hand of God to prevent me 
from actually not deciding to hit the delete button and feel justified in my 
pitifulness!!!
(SIGH!!!)
Ok...I'll leave it alone
be the cheerleader of this...piece...yea.


Details | Free verse | |

where i'm from

i come from
the jungle of despair
with its vines and thorns
full of emptiness
i come from
the nothingness of space
without stars
born of a black hole
a vacuum of longing
i come from
a man and a woman
but not
a mother and a father
not husband and wife
nor even lovers
i come from
potential unrealized
and opportunity missed
slashing away
in the rain forest of frustration
clearing the way
for the seed of hope
i come from
the society that killed
malcolm x
and left me for dead
that promoted slavery
longer than liberty
i come from
here
wishing i was
there


Details | Free verse | |

No Strings

She's bitter, numb and cold.
Doesn't care who she leaves behind.
She doesn't attach to anyone or anything.
It'll just hurt her when they're gone.
Tomorrow she'll leave and never look back.
Regrets she doesn't have any.
She feels no remorse for what’s she's done.
In her eyes she's done nothing wrong. 
No goodbyes for voyage a head. 
She will stay for no one. 
Like a lone ship with no ties.
Wonders without reason but to leave.
She hates the life she’s been given
So many people love her she doesn't care.
Machine programmed to feel nothing.
Feelings make you weak;
She doesn’t allow weakness
She's cruel and cold to keep you away.
Because if she doesn't care there will be no strings.


Details | Free verse | |

Venturing The World Above

A continuation of The World Above Me, a special collaberation between myself and my good friend Justin Connor

8/17/12
------------------------------------------------------------------

The shelter opens its door to the world above me
Never have I seen so much destruction

My eyes get used to the brightness,
An unwanted tear trickling down my cheek
But once they are accustomed to the light,
I want to close them again
I feel the urge to turn back
But they push me forward,
Whispering low, consoling words

I look around to see what humanity used to be
Before the devastation
And I marvel at what the old world used to be
But one question remains:
Why did people destroy their lives,
And end the world we used to know?

I walk my feet on the unknown terrain
Ruins. . .debris. . .the air placid and still
All around is rubbish
My mother whispers a prayer from behind
And then I wonder. . .
If God was ever here

As I look around I notice a book
Lying there, upon the ashy wreckage
I pick it up and read. . .
It details a nation’s fight for freedom

A large statue of a man is in the building I stand by
I stare at the brazen figure in awe
The features are crumbling but here it still stands
Watching over its obliterated land
I squeeze the book in my hand
His eyes show loyalty and courage
No sadness—not even a speck of fear

Looking more outwards I see a tall structure
And past that a building with a large dome
The architecture of the old world amazes me
What wonders men have done—could have done
If they hadn’t let each other come undone
In violence and death
Yet still I wonder how these incredible buildings 
Could possibly remain after all that has happened
Like the buildings, we have survived
And hopefully, through lessons learned,
We can thrive

My father tells everyone to clear away the ruins
People even use old machines with cranes
The old world is gone
But from the ashes we can start anew
We were in the shelter for the good of humanity
And now, because of us,
There is hope


Details | Free verse | |

To A Former Friend

I dedicate this poem to you,
The one who I used to call "friend",
"Best friend", or maybe even "sister".
Yes, you meant that much to me,
And I thought I meant as much to you.
No, maybe not as much, but at least a "best friend".
Did I ask for too much?
Was that too selfish of a request?
I thought that we'd be best friends forever,
I really did.
But I guess it was all just a fantasy,
A fragment of my imagination.
After all, reality is a much harsher place.
I think I only realized that after you walked away;
After you walked away and never looked back
And left me in a deep, dark pit of torment,
Wondering why you'd changed.
If I'd done something different, would you still be the same?
Of all the people beside me, I never would have guessed that
You would be the one to leave me like this.
And as I watched from a mile away,
How well off you seemeed without me,
I fell into a sea of depression.
For the longest time,
I felt so lonely,
Questioning myself whether anyone truly needed me.
Or was I only just second choice?
Now, as I am writing this poem,
I cannot say that I have been completely healed.
I still feel the doubt, the uncertainty,
When someone says
"I love you"
Or
"You are my best friend"
Even when I know that it is all in my head.
But I think I can say with confidence that
I have become stronger,
Even if just a little bit,
Even though sometimes
I still miss you.


Details | Free verse | |

L. I. F. E. (Living In Fear Everywhere)

L iving 
I n
F ear
E verywhere

Just as we live and just as we die 
We laugh, kill and crucify
We are no more our brothers than we are ourselves 
We are the players 
With the tools and talent of the efficient demise 
Of war, famine and greed 
We do rise
 
Of the ever constant ricochet of freedom in our ears
As we wrap our fallen dead in a shroud of rights, laws and bills 
And continue to improve the technology, the precision 
The assurance of absolute destruction 

Buying death is easy
Dealing is easier 
Survival 
The career choice of many 
A thriving business with prestige and power 
Taking, wanting, hungry for the rush 
So young, so fragile 
Blood is running in the streets 
A seemingly endless fountain of misguided youth 
Falling, one after the other 
So far from the truth 

S  hocked 
A  ngry
D  epressed 

What good has ever come from a gun ?
Why kill ?
Why are we arming our children ?
Our future ?
Are you blind to the fact ?
Do you not hear the sound ?
Do you not see ? 
Do you not care ?
We are killing ourselves 
Stealing each others dreams 
Each others families 
Why pro-create ?
To produce, raise, and nurture more disposable targets ?
Is there another use for guns ? 
1 + 1 = 0
One bullet + one individual = one less reason to care 
We are waging war upon our brothers for money, love and survival 

G  ive 
U  s
N  o
S  anity

All to easy....................
Living In Fear Everywhere 


Eric (and sometimes not)


Details | Free verse | |

The Evolution of Learning (Part One)

It amazes me how much man has evolved
Yet, How little he has learned
All around the globe
Millions die of disease and starvation
While the ever so intelligent creature known as man
Spends millions upon millions of dollars every single day
Killing each other
Instead of finding cures for the ill or feeding starving children
Oh sure, we dabble in those efforts
But we are committed to killing each other
Governments all around the globe
Spend most of their money
On their armies
Either to defend or attack
Their enemies
Supposedly, the most intelligent creature on earth
The intellectual creature known as man
If I may go so far
Mans commitment to war and killing
Goes far beyond any one mans term in office
It goes far beyond any one mans lifetime
It goes far beyond any century or any one era
From beginning to end, top to bottom
East to west, north to south
Red, yellow, brown, black or white 
Our commitment to killing each other
Is undeniable
How can a species that is smart enough to split atoms 
Creating weapons that will kill millions
Still be stupid enough to do it?
And now I see on the science channel
That man has now devised the Platonic beam
A beam of light that just disintegrates the target in an instant
At what price you ask?
Well I don’t know but I reckon if we diverted that money
To say solar energy projects
They could probably put a solar energy system
On every home in the world for free
Thus solving the energy crisis
Not to mention food in the icebox and medicine in the cabinet
Because of course when you create such an amazing new weapon
You need an entire new type of ship to deploy it from
Thus is born the next generation of war birds
They jettison into space 
Then go into super afterburner (A jet engine minus oxygen)
Which they said would reach like 20,000 miles an hour
So you could shoot halfway around the world
Disintegrate your enemy
And be home in time for supper
I believe when speaking of politics
It’s not a National Crisis
It’s a Global Epidemic


Details | Free verse | |

Pronouncing the Dead

How can you look someone in the eyes and tell them it's the end?
How can you possibly do that without shedding tears?
Or even blinking?
Do you not feel it? That pain, that pain that's taking over
Their soul, as you tell them their life is ending?
Or maybe it's just that you have lost your own soul? 
In that instant when you found out that the greatest part of yourself
Is about to disappear,
That its light was about to be permanently extinguished.
Can't you feel it? That sorrow that slowly shutters their hearts?
Or the fear that's taking over their minds? it's a furious fire,
Cutting off any glimpse of hope with its smog,
That fear, its suffocating their soul into its last gasp.
Can't you see it? How that laughter ends sharply, in pain?
How it breaks in half every time, never to relapse into its fullness?
How the darkness stealthily takes over those, once life-filled, eyes?
That following calm,
It's the call of darkness,
Smoothly enchanting their soul into submissiveness.
Until all is in deadly silence,
Their bodies still, their souls forever gone into unknown.
Do your tears come then? Do you feel their pain then?
Do you see it? Or do you stay the same?
Unchanged, unemotional, shell shocked,
And forever unbelieving still?


Details | Free verse | |

City of Shadows

A lonesome boat in the harbor rocks insanity.
Big waves of the black sea roll across the white sands
that fade into darkness for eternity.
Far from the life giving drops of rain are predators
in the city of shadows.
Feelings from the last solem breezes blow.
As the evening sun fades slowly into the night,
the pavement glistens like cracked glass
from the earlier evening rain.
A lack of silence remains.
In the city of shadows,
screaming voices creep in the corner of your mind.
Visions of the garden where the flowers died.
The dark alley reveals the emptiness of peace within your soul,
and death reveals the cold, cold truth way beneath the black crumbled earth.
Slapped with a strike of lightning,
disrupting the fall of silence where secrets crawl to hide,
in the foxholes of one's mind.
In the city of shadows, bewildered minds tick with the time of the clock.
Breath by breath falls perfectly out of place,
and darkness opens a new gate.
Tunes of the violin slowly fade away.
A new awakening to blindness,
in the city of shadows.


Details | Free verse | |

Remember what I taught you

A dedication to my grandpa, 
i love you and miss you,
Your legacy lives on within my heart


The sun can shine
So bright, it makes you blind
Fooling, deceiving.
Very misleading .
The world telling you it's a good day
With just a simple ray.
Penetrating your mind
Telling you to leave all that behind.
So you leave it … Searching for anything to find.
To fill that hole in your heart ...with something kind.
So you go for a stroll in a park
And see a dog with a playful bark.
As you step near
You start to grow in fear 
Foam in its mouth 
You notice your head dropping south
Chin down
And start to frown.
You realize it's not so sunny anymore
Rain pours
No more birds soar.
Drop to your knees
And freeze
Start to cry.
Then wonder why.
Why do I feel this way?
Looking for answers, you go to the bay.
Watching the storm come in, you hear someone say, 
"Remember what I taught you,
You have to be strong.
Find the right
In the wrong. 
Everything will be okay.
Some days will rain. 
Some days will shine,"
Looking around to see who it may be
You continue to listen to the voice from the sea,
"some days you need to stop everything
And pray.
The Good Lord will take it away.
I've always been your strength
Strong for you and yours sister both."
As you realize who it is 
You start to cry, from sadness…
And bliss.
"I know you miss me…
And I miss you too.
No need to cry, 
Oh Catelyn, oh me oh my. 
But just always know I'm here,
In heaven 
watching over you. 
If you ever need me.
You know where I'll be. 
Watching over you from the clouds.
No need to worry.
Don't stress so much.
Life happens.
It peaks
And it stinks..
Given , I wish I was down there to talk to you. 
But it's all in God's plan.
Everything will be for the better. 
Now I'm sorry I have to go,
Check on your sister and cousins you know
Whenever your feeling rough
Whenever life gets tough
Remember what I taught you. 
Rain may continue 
Life will happen in different Venues
But go dance in the rain
Let go of the pain. 
Enjoy the life God granted you
…it won't last forever.
Don't plan out the future 
God has his plan
Live his will out
Not yours
Remember your still a kid,
So smile and I love you Catie did"
Tears rushing down your face
Tears of joy or sorrow 
You don't really know.
Remembering what your grandfather taught you,
With his strength You stand up 
Something in your chest starts to bump
Your heart, it's whole
Alive
Beating once again.
Pain is gone 
And you live on.
Dancing in the rain
With only life to gain.


Details | Free verse | |

Gone

It's under my bed where the darkness lies...
Scattered dreams of wounded butterflies...
I half awaken to my daunting dawn;
to find my sanity is all but gone...
I stumble through my dream-like day;
trying to forget that you have gone away...
I struggle with my fear of God,
as the reaper gently turns and nods...
So now it's time for me to go...
To sleep on that hill where the tall oaks grow...
Despair slowly exits along with the pain...
And I fade into the day like the whispering rain.


Details | Free verse | |

SUN FLOWERS

What would I say to you my love
if I  should chance to meet you yet again
in the summer rain
whilst I were walking in a field of flowers of the sun,                                                                      
I’d try to find the words
to tell you how I’ve missed you,
how I have longed for you 
down all these years in silence.

But you would know my heart
and how I’ve yearned and sorrowed
for your sweet face,
for your tender touch,
and how I’ve missed your eyes
those pools of silver light,
and for the bond I thought I’d lost forever.

Then you would speak to me                                                                                              
in flowers,
in the green blades of meadow grass,
in the flight of swallows
swooping on the soft still air,
and in the wind
singing in the tall proud trees,                                                                    
and you would show me 
how our love is not forever gone
but lives 
and breathes its beauty
within the beating of my heart.

You would leave me then                                                                                
and I would stand here in the summer rain 
amongst the flowers of the sun,
and if we should ever chance to meet again my love
what would I say.


Details | Free verse | |

Wisps

"Friend,
Mind wandering through misty woods.
You don't understand your purpose.
Friend,
I knew you too little,
Please do not shed your salty emotions,
Not out of anger, not out of sadness.
Friend,
You now lose your way so easily,
You sink, you burst, you burn inwardly.
You weep from frustrations, 
From the guilt of an honest smile,
From pains, that you forget for a moment,
That come swiftly back to haunt you of your loss.
I understand, dear friend.
You once had a light and the woods seek to snuff it out.
Do not fear, dear friend,
Friend follow me, as I once did you.
Friend, now you see?
Yes, you see,
The little wisps in the fog that guide us home."

~In memory of Bill Hamman, and all else who have suffered the pains of Alzheimer's


Details | Free verse | |

The Revolver

Scene 1:

There once was a man
filled with joy
a wife, a home
and a cute infant boy

Everything was grand
with twins on the way.
A spontaneous dog
who liked to play.

One day in the spring
He'd receive a call.
It was about his family.
the phone would suddenly fall.

Scene 2:

The car came out of nowhere
smashing head on the passenger side
Killing the infant son immediately,
in the ambulance his wife would ride.

Para-medics rushed frantically
to relieve the blood draining from her head.
With the severity of the wounds
death was inevitable,
They said!!

At one thirty-four this spring afternoon,
Four citizens were pronounced dead.
Someones wife, someones children
That is what the obituary read.

Scene 3:

A month later in the basement
of his quaint little country home.
He sat for hours thinking.
Sulking,
alone.

The thoughts of re-uniting
with the family he once had.
Drunk now thinking suicide,
he knew it would be bad.

Palms sweaty, vision blurred.
Vexed, praying for what comes next.
Reaching for the instrument,
his mind perplexed.

Scene 4:

He lifts the Smith & Wesson revolver
from its resting place.
Thinking of nothing but his family
placing it in the middle of his face.

Pulls the trigger,
at that moment all went black!!

Scene 5:

He wakes up
SUDDENLY...
His puppy licking his eye.
He looks at his dog,
then begins to cry.

When pulling the trigger
of this canon of a gun.
Instead of death he passed out.
As for bullets, there were none..


Jared Pickett
10/17/09
Asavvy1


Details | Free verse | |

Drowning in a box of condoms

    I'm a virgin. 
 Yet I'm a peer educator 
  I teach people about sex
    and how to put on the condom.
    sometimes the irony does bother me
 There's an endless supply of condoms 
     in my custody daily yet I have no need for them
     You should see the eager faces of the kids  
    grabbing them out of boxes like their gods best made gift
      I can't share in their glory 
      all I can do is watch 
        I hate  watching
         I'm mostly a doer not a witness
         So in this case I just feel out of place
             out of context
              Lost? Not exactly
              Cause i'm not exactly a saint
                  I probably know more than the one's who are active
                   which makes the irony even more ridiculous. 
                        But I guess it's just that need to be in with the crowd 
                            The need to feel like I belong
                               Less and less virgin's hang around these parts
                                   I'm starting to feel like i'm the only one left
                                             like i'm waiting for nothing. 
                                                         The condom box is calling out to me
                                                          The multiple flavors tempt me to taste. 
                                                                     Yet i'm still me. Therefore i'm lame. 
                                                                     Therefore i'm waiting...
                                                                    For what i'm not even sure anymore.
                                                                    I though it was because I was looking for the right guy 
                                                                     Maybe i'm just inept in this area. 
                                                    LoL that's a laugh. My body knows I'd  be a champ.
                                                                  But it also listens to my head. 
                                                                               Maybe that's what's the problem.
                                                                               Who knows? 
                                                                All I know is that i'm drowning in a box of condoms. 


Details | Free verse | |

Pitiable

The likelihood between myself and a beast,
Surpasses my self-grotesque-depiction, at least.
I loath the day I entered this death spiral twirl; 
In this vicious tornado-self-esteem-crawl.
Only one sweetest venom sip it takes,
To make  me  be a slave to the demonic taste.
Enslaved are my legs from knee below,
Enslaved are the thoughts that come too slow.
My body gets so numb that nothing scares my skin,
Capital sins do not feel so full of sin;
I crave to do what is forbidden still,
To speak the cruelest things I have an itching will.  
The street light comes to me in rainbow colored streams,
I love the way my mind feels reality like dreams.
I am both wide awake and sound asleep;
I laugh at nothing and I truly weep;
With passion, my blood makes love to wine,
My neurons are crushed grapes on the body’s vine. 


Details | Free verse | |

the art of persuasion.

She and the handsome gentleman finalized the contract, and he gently placed 
the antique pearl necklace into the palm of her tiny hand.  As he walked away,
she fantasized about making love with him, for he possessed both charm and 
exceptional good looks; he certainly was enchanting...thick, black wavy hair,grey-
green eyes...tall...muscular ~ oh, those muscles...all over his tanned body...head
to toe.

But she wondered about that limp as he walked away, depending on a heavy 
metal 
staff
for 
balance...

after all, an eternity of beauty and power in exchange for 
one
pathetic
soul.

The evening of the deed was a frigid six degrees, and there was a dead smell of
the sun.  She stayed late after work, waiting anxiously until everyone had gone.
Finally, he was alone in his office, so she placed the pearl necklace around her
fragile neck and unbuttoned her red, silk blouse so to reveal her sexy red
camisole.

She entered the office, and gently leaned over him from behind; he was aroused
by the scent of her "Red Door" cologne...his favorite, and his senses were even
more heightened as he turned around and observed her erect breasts speaking
in a language only he understood.  With his large hands, he slowly explored her
thighs, making his way up her black skirt.

"You have beautiful legs."
"You think so, huh?"

They kissed, and the necklace brushed his chest; he didn't feel well, at all.  He 
was hot...so hot, and his body began its metamorphosis, retaining a grayish
tinge....then blackish...

He
burst
into
flames;

then, disappeared along with all omens of the deed.

She walked over to the black wrought iron mirror and smiled; her wrinkles were
gone...vanished...just as promised; she was ten years younger.

The windows began sweating, and the handsome stranger appeared.

"I have one more assignment for you."
"But we made a deal, one soul."

She began to feel peculiar, and as she viewed herself in the black mirror, she 
began aging...ten years...twenty...thirty...she pulled out a large clump of thin, white
hair.

The room darkened from his moonly mind.



"My dear, the other soul...is yours."


Details | Free verse | |

Reckless

Reckless flirtation:
The lingering sweetness of wine hindering rationale
as lips engage greedily;
heated breath intoxicating drunken senses even further.

Desire for exploration heightens arousal for the taboo ~
revealing an innate urge to satisfy the hunger within.

Casting aside caution in an attempt of sustaining entrancement
enables pursuing flesh to connect in frenzied abandonment;
propelled by an ache for release necessitated by instinct.

And in the aftermath, 
chilled by impetuosity still moist from the volume of thirst ~
two souls waiver in the realization of their actions,
as silent tears of ignominy wash blame from their wringing hands....


Details | Free verse | |

Lifeless

A lifeless life
dawns through my eyes…
with nothing but wrongs
and no birds in flight
the trees are bare
the wind is zilch
there’s a common wisp in the air
that makes the
oceans lie flat
grass won’t grow
diamonds are coal.
Amber is the dust
of the crust
where the gold 
dies and cries…
Fires cremate
but won’t create…
Fables are fibs
and absence…
is our new…
Light.


Details | Free verse | |

At Your Grave

Silence: All I hear when I call out your name. Snow envelops me and snuffs out my flame. Gone is the light with which your name can be read, I think I hear you, but it's all in my head. I'm deep in the woods where no songs can be heard. I am the only one here, and I speak but four words.


Details | Free verse | |

I love you enough to leave

The truth 
It will destroy you
An August day
While you sweep up
rose petals 
On our Sun drenched
porch
You look at me from
under heavy lashes
And say it's ok
You don't wish to be
without me
It's ok your always
want me
Your never stop

I'll bask in this
glory
Thanking God for you
loving me
As tears prick the
back of my eyes

The hand around my
heart squeezes a
little tighter
Until I am
breathless with it

In time
There is a
difference to us
Making love is no
longer rushed
After 
I look at you,
looking down at me
But neither of us
say it's pointless
Your days a little
darker
A little longer
Things a little more
useless

The hand around my
heart squeezes a
little tighter
As the truth picks
away at your dreams
one by one

At Christmas we
pretend we are still
happy
Completely in love
While in the garden
with your sister
The truth pours out
of me in great sobs
She says it's ok
your get through
this
We both know she's
lying
Inside she's crying

I had no right in
making you love me
So the hand squeezes
a little tighter
round my heart

Somewhere along the
way
Anger rises
The tension
surprises us
You begin to resent
me
Hate me for letting
you love me

And I am sorry
I stayed a little
too long
Cared a little too
much
I needed this
whatever it was

So the hand squeezes
a little tighter
round my heart

Invisibly I collect
my possessions
Storing them
They lay in wait

Courage appears 
At three in the
morning on a Tuesday
Quietly I get my
things
Wait by the window
for a taxi
As the hand squeezes
a little tighter
round my heart

The knowledge
erupted
Watching you hold
your new Godson
Looking at me
longingly
Knowing I can never
give you this
Tears glazing your
eyes
Looking so proud
It's wrong for me to
keep you
With me this is all
your ever be
A childless man

In your hallway
You help with my
bags saying nothing
I will never be
wife, bnever be a
mother
Without you I'll
never be anything

As the cab pulls
away
You say your always
love me
I say I know
But I have to let
you go
I'm giving you a
chance of what I
can't give you
The most precious
thing
A family

So the hand
completely squeezes
my heart


Details | Free verse | |

Wasted Life

Drop shots and trick shots, we admire
The gang banging swear slinging
Outcast that got in..
Someone who can shoot bullets faster than words
Who's idea of having a good time stops at
3 blunts
2 girls
And 1 hell of a night
Who needs confrontation when you have the ability to solve any problem
With the contraction of a single finger
POW, FLASH, and SKID-MARKS
Silence floods the avenue
As the man we knew
Falls pale face to concrete, right behind you
Who's gonna go next?
What statistic are you willing to live in?
When you realize your potential?
Where will you go?
So many lives to live
Why this one?
Break the circle of violence and lay a timeline to a better future
Rise out of circumstances and give your self a better angle
Put down the guns and raise your pens
Put down the gang signs and rep peace
Show love to all the unloved
And maybe they'll be hope for you yet.


Details | Free verse | |

Darkness

Complete darkness
No sound at all
This is where you live
No one to talk to
The blackness, engulfing
Smothering the air out of you
In this vast void with lack of light
You are forced to believe
That you see a speck
A tiny green light
Way off in the distance
This blot of light brings so much hope
So many desires
You can hardly breath
Suddenly the light grows larger
You feel elated
Then FLASH
Complete darkness
No sound at all
Things are back
To the way they will always be


Details | Free verse | |

TIME



If time heals all, what heals time?
For it cannot be changed, its burned into history, burned into the fabric of time like a scratch on a track.

Time can make us feel regret that we did not use it the best we could or it can make us rejoice remembering that good moment in time.

It is a fickle thing that most will not appreciate until it’s gone.

I myself have had more pain than good, but does that count as bad time as it made my character and is the reason I have this strength and insight on life. 

So I don’t believe in or good or bad moments in time, its all on how we look at it and use it going forward. 

The most important thing to remember and learn from the past is that we ALL make mistakes . .  but only a fool repeats them.

Yours Fraternally 

TIME


Details | Free verse | |

Damaging Calm

Swirling, chaotic, unending, torturous, darkness.  Black as the deepest black, he sits, 
wondering how could she nurture his dark side.  This blinding rage that fills his soul, is 
so foreign, he’s usually so calm, and collected.  But she is starting to damage his calm.  
This music isn’t helping, nothing does.  It just builds and builds the temperament slowly 
getting worse and worse.  This poison is killing him, if he doesn’t release it, he will 
explode.  But where does he turn to let loose the torrential hatred?  How can he loose 
this torment on others and live with himself.  To be or not to be violent, THAT is the 
question.  Does he continue to proliferate, or does he release upon the masses.  Which 
is the lesser of two evils, to die from his own abomination, or does he smite those who 
cause this?


Details | Free verse | |

My daughter, my Queen

My daughter, my Queen
as Solomon said, you are above
the crown on my head
from rubble and stone
gates for a throne
Queen, daughter, Queen
mysterious home 
of pride and lust
forgive me intrust
not what man will give
but take what you must
Power you wield
no doubt in my vein
the blood that is cold 
in warmth you will claim
what is your position
with faith as a seed
man whose fruition
is boasting to bleed
my Queen my throne
thorn in my head
blessed of water
ancient we shed
blackened cough
scares in the skin
Queen have you paid 
too much for a sin
remember the garden
fruit of the sun
you offered me there
a kingdom undone
naked your breast
no temple of shame
I took of your fruit
gave you my name
Queen prophetic
knowing us so
Why you embrace
our invisible soul
sure, God willed
or something the same
man of the dust
woman the rain
Queen of a temple
so Godless, until 
Queen, oh my daughter
your blossom would heal


Details | Free verse | |

Seven

I wish not to see such disgrace,
As that which humankind has conjured
Greed envelopes all into stout fingers
Lust embraces passionate youth
Envy breathes in the minds of the conceited
Gluttony resides in those who are unfit
Sloth exists in those who are uninspired
Wrath remains rabid in the permanently livid
Pride sits within the excessively bold
I wish not to see such disgrace,
As that which humankind has conjured.


Details | Free verse | |

If you had a name (An ode to loss and water)

If the lovely breeze had a name
we could drift together as two dandelion wishes
floating wanton on foamy winds.
If the river were rolling, gently
we could slide in and swim
for hours, without rushing
and love is like that.
Love is like still water
standing so deep in a vessel
 yet so easily broken upon the smallest of stones;
scattered, and yet-
from this another river begins
(as you begin)
How lovely if you had a name
I would call out to you
and I would hear your reply as
the wind blowing, the water rushing
and not your echoes
 as you trickled across so many small, jagged stones


Details | Free verse | |

Painless

Take my heart, blow my mind. 	
Throw me down, listen to me whine.	
Speed my pulse, flush my face.	
Reel me in and off my tracks.		
Watch my eyes fade to black.		
Tear me up and crush my soul.	
Eat my heart out for that is your goal.     
Darken the sky and chill my skin.	
Make me throb deep within.		
Shove my body against a wall.
Agressive, mean, and most dangerous of all.  
Get me going with your touch,		
Make my blood come out in a rush.	
Bruise my skin and slit my wrists.	
Make me clench my dirty fists.		
Run me over with your madness.	
Kill me easy, quick, and painless.


Details | Free verse | |

The Sachsenhausen Violinist

We could smell blood everywhere.
Sitting crouched against white,
Lifeless marble,
Our violins to our chins
As crusted black blood
Stuck, pleadingly,
To our music sheets.

We were to summon beauty in hell;

To compel the murderous to tears
And the dying back to life, but,
I could smell blood everywhere.
My heart gave out in a
Lurching throb.
My bow swam against the hair
And I, in mind, among the countless wasted.

This could happen anywhere.
And this happens everywhere.
Beauty in hell.
The fount of flowers in the black.
The smoldering sickness
Against sweet-lacquered intentions.
Blood is everywhere.
As we hunt blindly, stupidly,
For the grace of gauze.


Details | Free verse | |

I Havn't A Clue

I just read the most beautifully written, 
articulate poem today and envied
Why cant I write a poem like that! 
As I travel through mind sheds 
Blown out by too much drink.

I can neither contend nor describe
These descents into darkness.

The waking hours when all else sleeps
Unravel half truthes sea deep.

Do you know how many sheep I have counted
Not to be reminded  of these frailties 
That walk this nightly beat.

I catch glimpses of grandness
Most fleeting at best.

This need to govern a life less traveled, solitude filled 
Quiets the psych of a poet, desperately stilled.


Details | Free verse | |

Spill It

Spill it all out
Where is the light to guide these words?
Everything feels gone 
Empty again 
So spilling it out is impossible?
Yet words still flow through it all
Thoughts still run rampant
Broken pipework spraying all over the place
Rust collecting on the spurting silver
Losing very inch of pride
Unable to control these lines
Pinch it all out
Squeeze it like the last bits of toothpaste in a tube
Roll it up and twist the remains
Pressure is building
Tension is steadily, stiffly waiting
To be released
Let it all go!
There is no point anymore
Stop building on disaster!
Let the words flow
Spill the damn mess out
And don't clean up
Let me pick up the pieces
Hand me the mop
Because when it is finally all out
The emptiness will leave 
You'll know exactly what to express
It will all be clear


4-20-13


Details | Free verse | |

Hurt by Thoughts

Abusive words
Thoughts read aloud
A shot to my heart

They said:
I'm the problem in this world
I'm the rock in their shoe
I'm breaking them apart
I'm their problem
Maybe it's true

Lost in depression
Sicker than death
It hurts like it, too.

They said:
I'm the problem in this world
I'm the rock in their shoe
I'm breaking them apart
I'm their problem
Maybe it's true

Depression sinking deeper
My sanity gone
Lost control of myself

They said:
I'm the problem in this world
I'm the rock in their shoe
I'm breaking them apart
I'm their problem
Maybe it's true

Lost everything in life
Struggled for acceptance
Instead a stab in my back

All because they said:
I'm the problem in this world
I'm the rock in their shoe
I'm breaking them apart
I'm their problem
Maybe it's true.


Details | Free verse | |

The End

I can't bear it anymore..
Waiting for people to arrive
Expecting the world to tend to me
Hoping the world will just fall into my hands
Continuing my laziness and procrastination
People liking me and not knowing why
Wishing instead of taking action
Lacking skills I need to make my life successful
Living in a home with no peace or privacy
Pretending I'm someone I wish I could be
Drawing pieces that fail in competition
Writing random lines of complaints 
Feeling the need for pity
Being a hypocrite..

Do I try harder?
I've grown too accustomed to laziness
Do I wait or at least TRY to take action?
I don't have the motivation or the power
Am I just making excuses?
I probably just need to quit complaining
Am I too paranoid?
I just care about my life unlike the rest
Do I continue?
I can't continue in sanity
What can I do?
I'm too confused to know

Where can I scream?
Where can I relax?
Where is there peace?
When will the suffering stop?
What is wrong with me?
How did I get this way?
Who is really there for me?
How can I just escape?

Too many questions!
STOP!!!!
..


Details | Free verse | |

frantic thoughts

things just arent the same...
with you gone 
its like you were never there
like a ghost...
haunting my mind
haunting my dreams 
its driving me crazy
i sometimes wonder
what it would have been like...
but no...
i dont want to think that
it makes you being gone harder to deal with
every single day is hell
because you left me alone to do this
and i cant...
im not strong without you
it was us...against the world
and you vanished before my eyes
leaving me to fight 
but i cant.
because every single moment of this life is a struggle
you held me up when i was weak
and now im left falling forever in this endless hole of pain...
drowning in my own tears 
wishing you were still here to save me
but youre not...
and im still here.
wondering if you were ever real
or just my minds way of saving me
but you have to have been real
i still feel you beside me 
i still hear your voice...
you have to have been real...

you have to have been real...

were you ever real? 

but where does this leave me. 
stuck here in a trance
trying to make myself believe 
trying to remember what your voice sounded like
trying to remember your smell
trying to remember your laugh
the memories are to vivid. too real.
so thats it then. 
youre just a memory to me.
maybe thats how its meant to be....


Details | Free verse | |

No Time To Talk

When her neighbor called out from her old wooden porch
"Do you have just a moment, to sit and talk?"
She didn't miss a step, just waved and thought
I'm too busy my dear, she continued her walk

She's a busy lady, she scurries away
No time on her hands, to fritter away.
A quick farewell, will have to do 
My hair needs done, and nails do too!

No second glance, feeling no regrets.
There is always tomorrow, ..., perhaps a chance.

That chance didn't come...for one small chat.
The old dear died,  ...well...that was that.

Her ears still ring.....with "Please stop in"
Some things too late, will never begin
 
A few years passed, the tables have turned
She's been rather sick, and quite infirm
She calls out to her friends,........but heads barely turn
They throw her a quick wave, and rarely a grin
Some paths she has crossed, will not pass again
Some things she has done, will haunt till the end







Details | Free verse | |

This Is My Line

Family is a noun,
One that connects 
Me to you.
Bound by blood
And DNA.

I looked up
To you.

I thought you were
My heroine,
Come to save me
From the aches and pains
That rocked me
To the bone

Far more than what was known,

To sweep me away
From all my
Nightmares and fears
	Monsters and tears
That were all too real
To deal with in the 
Daylight.

Let alone the 
Twilight.

You were a monument
Of beauty and grace
Strength and compassion.

Everything I could ever 
Hope to be.

But then 
I started to see
Past the cracks
Of your porcelain face,
Behind your false grace, 
Deep down where
You truly lay.

And I realized
How little I knew 
Of the true you
Besides the bad habits
That you keep
When you refuse
To eat.

And when I hear you
Scream and weep,
    Gone is the strength 
    You used to keep, 
As you try to 
Convince yourself
That her love is true.

Because you love her too. 

And I realized
Love is a verb.
One I hadn’t seen you
Act upon in quite
Some time.

Show me,
Don’t tell me.

Because as you claim
That you love me
And you love her too
There comes a time
Where you have to draw 
A line between
The word and 
The action.

Because you don’t 
Know me either.

You know I will be 
There at your 
Beck and call
	Wreck and bawl,

But you refuse 
To hear a word
Or try to see into 
My mind
The way I try to see
Into yours.

It’s not revolution
I ask for.
It’s simply evolution.

As I hear your cries
For help
I’m suffocating softly,
Because I know 
It’s not help you seek.
It’s pity.

And it’s a pity,
Cause I’m out.

Now it’s time for
The kid in me to
Grow 
Up.

You were once
My heroine.

Now I can see that 
You don’t even care 
Enough to be my
Villain. 


Details | Free verse | |

GOODBYE

     


I have a goodbye in my pocket
spelled out on plain blue paper

The blue of the tiny flowers
in my grandmother’s everyday dishes
I had to tell her goodbye
though woefully unprepared
The word would not pass my frozen lips     
so I settled for blowing to her a soft feathery kiss

The blue of my first love’s eyes
on a stormy day at sea
The rain mingled with my tears when we realized 
some things aren’t meant to survive passing of years
I stumbled over the word I needed to say     
and I lied     This is an intermission    only a trial     
We will reunite

Melancholy blue
Goodbyes seem to be spoken in the dark
The end of hello     The end of the light
See you soon     on a sunny afternoon
So long     is merely a mellow dusk
Soft words     so easy and flowing
But we always struggle with goodbye

I don’t want to be left standing awkwardly
with a sad smile pasted on my frozen lips
and lingering much too long

I wrote my goodbye carefully     in somber blue
and tucked it safely into my pocket
Over it I have grieved and cried
The time will come when there is only 
one word left to be said
I will gently hand over my goodbye
accompanied by nothing but a breathless sigh



Details | Free verse | |

Anorexia Nervosa

A child
No more than 12 years old
Sees images of women
Thin
Beautiful
Rich
Wanted
She looks in the mirror
She doesn't see the image
Her body doesn't fit the mold
Movies, TV and magazines
Tell her she is not what they want
She is not thin
She is not beautiful
Everyday her eyes cry as she looks at who she is
The perfect her hidden within
The beautiful soul they will not let her see
She diets
She starves
Still she does not fit the mold
She feels unloved
Unwanted
Eating less than a cracker a day
Throwing up the scant food she eats
Her body changes
Wasting away
They make her up
She wears a beautiful white dress
They close the lid
Denied the perfect her
The person she should have been
She lies in eternal rest
But she is loved
She is wanted
She will be missed


Details | Free verse | |

The Disquiet of my Heart

~                                      ~                              ~

Oft, in stilly night, while treading shores as one apart
    Behold my sorrow's reason, the disquiet of my heart
My love no more, to bind me to his hand in sweet betroth
     When last we kissed, amoung the skies and gilded land
Now faded gray, with shadowed eyes, an empty hand
     While' feeble spent and broken, a dove with wounded wing
Thy steed thee rode in winter, upon the blackened night
     Thy rode so boldly o're the moor, so swiftly from my sight
Too swift the blade in wrath of angry warrior's battle call
     The chill my heart, whence by the final gallant fall
To Heav'ns gate thy name was called, no more to come again
     
     Thine eyes that shone, now dimmed and gone
Where whence my love, once like the lilac full
     The blossom fragrant, o' so sweet as whippoorwill
By cold winds now with frost are sadly taken
     Ere' slumber's chain has bound me, tho fate that has forsaken
Still linked to thee forever, I will ever be
     With day, by sun awakened, again I must recall
Thy song has waned, the garland dead
     Whence dost thy storm to bring my tears
Yet still thy gentle singing to my ears
                    Thou said adieu, my love to keep
                              My swollen heart with anguish weeps.~~




Details | Free verse | |

For Grandmomma Pt 1

A lot of lessons learned./ I sip this Hennessey and fought the burn./ My mind is clouded with 
so many memories./ I hear your voice "Boy pick yourself up off your knees"./ But I wonder 
why God would take you away from me./ Please Lord I need some clarity./ Nothing makes 
sense.  I cry, I can't lie nor deny I'm drowning in my own dark obscurity./
     The pain remains inside./ Eating me alive./ I wonder without you if I'll survive./ I try and 
hide from the responsibilities in my life, but have no success./ So I'm left with this heartache 
in my chest./ Tears roll down my cheek./ Does that make a man weak?/ God I need to 
know./ Was it just her time to go?/
     So many times I sit down attempting to express what I was feeling,/ but my heart and 
mind wasn't willing./ Nothing I wrote seemed to be enough,/ to compliment you and your 
motherly love./ Every time I thought of you I felt like balling up in a fetal position and dying./ 
I could not write about you without breaking down and crying./
     For awhile I carried a bad attitude./ Looking for an excuse to accuse anyone in my family 
forever disrespecting you./ I think about all the tears my grandmomma shed./ I wished her 
alive and everyone else dead./ Was it my imagination or was it your pretty face I saw in the 
clouds?/ I hope you're looking down on me and you're proud./ And you're hearing my voice 
right now somehow./ I wish there was a button I could push to rewind./ So I can tell you 
what's on my mind./ Kiss your check./ Have you speak./ Hold you just one more time./
     Your passing took away my energy./ You said you would never leave me./ You were 
always so honest./ So when you broke your promise,/ It left me confused./ I felt cheated 
and my soul was bruised./

Con't in Pt 2


Details | Free verse | |

Nightmare

I'm working through the night
so I won't fall asleep
for every time I do,
into my dreams you seep
the one that broke my heart
the one that saw me feel
the only one I love
the one that was too real.
I'll concentrate on life
without it's summer days,
the winter in my heart,
beats sunburn on my face.
The cold wont reach my skin,
the sunny smile prevails,
it hides from all the world
my blackend, charred remains.
You'll never see me hurt,
I'm much too proud for pain,
I'd rather die inside,
Then let you know you've maimed.


Details | Free verse | |

An Unfair Ending (Edited for space limits)

His face, withered, gaunt
His eyes cloudy, filled with a haunting vacancy
His voice weak , shallow
Seldom spoken these last difficult days

His hair is white and thin
His skin, so delicate and discolored
The strength has left his fragile body
And he lies, waiting

Yet I remember the man who was my Father
In my youth, so tall and strong
His eyes a deep blue with a depth of the seas
Thick, wavy, black hair tousled about his head

He walked with an unaware arrogance
Never knowing that all eyes were upon him
This handsomest of men, beautiful, confident
No one could match his brilliance, his seductive air

Unconscious, innocent of the power he possessed
The command he held with peers, a leader of men
A bright star in the universe, a life spent searching for answers
Politics, Economics, Religion…his battlegrounds

Yet, with all his perfection
He remained kind and true to all
Generous, loving; never an unkind word
A light for all who knew him

But the cruelty of life is worse for some
His body wracked with an unforgiving disease
Seizing him, slowly at first…a tremor
Then completely, leaving him helpless

Dependent upon those who had worshipped his strength
Lying in his bed, languished, weak
Nearly impossible to eat, difficult to drink
Each day descending further into darkness

Life’s cruelest blow to one so special 
Chosen by angels as their brightest star
So blessed to have loved such a man
Still loved, but pitied for the terrible loss

For such men were never meant to suffer this fate
To fade each day, closer to oblivion
He would never have chosen this
Broken, suffering silently in stoic resignation

Pride now replaced with painful gratefulness
He tries to manage a smile
His rigid muscles fighting the instinct
For he spent his life smiling

But old age has given him no peace
No time to reflect on the legacy he leaves
He waits as life deals its unjust ending
For one who was so great, so good

I hold his cold, thin hand in mine
Holding back the tears that burn
I will remember him, the Father whom I have loved
I see him walk away, wavy black hair, a cute little wink

As he leaves this tired shell, worn, used up
Once again becoming the unbroken man
I see him strut again, his quick, bouncy steps
As he climbs the ladder to the heaven he has earned

I hear the trumpets of the angels
Welcoming their special creation
A man of compassion and ideals
My Father, My Daddy…How I will miss him


Details | Free verse | |

Eyes Through a Lover's

Eyes playful with insecurity--
I've seen them innocent, coy, enticing
and distraught--all teasing masculinity!
I've seen them in disbelief, slicing
to what's left of me; hurting her was easy--
she was fragile! Protecting her from others
was easier than from myself, and how sleazy
that I'd betrayed her trust by way of another.
Had I lied when I said I loved her?
As for that, I don't quite know.
What I do know is I hurt her--
when I could've made her glow with magnitude.



They say brown eyes make the best liars,
and in this case, I don't regret the lie,
for in that brief fit of desire,
I allowed inhibitions to die.
Blame him? I am unwilling to begrudge
on behalf of one clear and specific point--
he allowed me his imitation love,
and our bodies, this love did anoint.
Engulfed in the music my mind plays,
my heart becomes my soul's own lyre.
Though I'm aware it's just a phase,
my heart still loves her brown eyed liar.


Details | Free verse | |

My day

As the wind grew, and the clouds rolled in, the droplets of rain hit my page. I continued to write. Nothing was going to stop me. I, was going to finish. It started to rain harder. thunder cracked, and lightning flashed. Soon, my writing was smudged. As I continued to write, a thought came to mind. Was this the life I had wanted? Or was I just a puppet, in the hands of someone else? I had finished, and just in time. My world grew dark. I knew this was the end. I had written my will, as I knew this day had come. It was time for me to go, and leave it all behind. I, was done here.


Details | Free verse | |

First date

First date


I spent the evening
wishing you would make the first move.
I marked your song
but listened from a safe distance.
 
The gap between us elongated 
like an escalator 
laying down its treads
with the handrail busy, trying playing catch–up.
 
Over dinner the distance between us grew wider.
But we carried on as if we were governed by some unwritten rule.
But like a fool, I held back 
least the evening might finish too soon.
 
I surveyed your face for that give away glance.
Waited patiently for that inner dance.
Hoping that it would surface.
But your light remained red
even though I was on amber.
 
So I stayed, quiet, still.
Smiling, nodding and agreeing.
Mirroring your every gesture.
Matching your every move.

 
I searched inwardly for a hint of salvation.
I searched outwardly for some possible intension.
I was hurting like a defeated soldier.
I want to know you before you get older.
 
I spent an evening
wishing I had made the first move.
I marked your song
but foolishly maintained a distance.


Details | Free verse | |

A Childs Prayer - God We Need To Talk

Tonight as my baby girl started to pray
She said God it's 8 O'Clock, 
And God We need to talk.
She said daddy help me pray, 
And daddy bow your head,
As we knelt beside her bed. 
she said God can you hear me?
Mommy always said you'd hear me,
If I would learn to pray, 
And that you would show me the way.

Well God I don't understand. 
Why you took my mommy away.
Daddy always says i'll understand, 
When I grow up some day.
She said God, you need your son. 
Well I need my mommy to,
And I know that my daddy, 
Would be happier with mommy. 
Cause daddy talks to her, 
And mommy's not even there.

God can you please,
Give my mommy wings, 
So she can come to see us.
She always kept our house clean, 
And God I know, 
She keeps your house clean to.
And God I miss mommy's big hugs, 
Daddy says your son gives hugs to.
So I know if my mommy had wings, 
She could hug me and daddy.

Well God I want to thank you,
For being there to listen, 
And God think about what I said.
And tell mommy that I love her, 
And God I love you to.
Oh just one more thing God, 
Help my daddy stop crying.
Thank you God, Amen, 
Then she turned to me and said,
Goodnight daddy, I love you.

I was still on my knees, 
Beside my little girls bed, 
With tears running from my eyes.
I gave my baby a goodnight kiss, 
And said sweet dreams baby girl.
Then I went to my room, 
And kissed my wife's picture, 
And with tears in my eyes,
I knelt down to pray, 
I said God, We need to talk.


Details | Free verse | |

Gossamer Wings

On gossamer wings 
she floats through thoughts 
of timeless dreams and 
pages unturned. 
Words written but left unread
for years as centuries 
turn to new. 
Her course was set 
before her time, 
now deep within 
she feels her fragile heart 
even as it breaks again. 
New words to write of courage 
or loss, or words perhaps of 
gossamer wings that carry her
home.


Details | Free verse | |

The Seed

How like the pumpkin you seem to me; arriving full-blown from the seed planted in my womb. You grew wild and free among the tamer fruits of life. I can still hear an echo of your laughter. Vines and tendrils wound about you in infancy long past. We were pulled apart by my growth and yours. I long for the blossoming days of infancy and childhood, for the wee small one who never failed to make me smile, for the adult who sprang Jack-o-lantern whole into a world of normalcy refusing to accept the mundane. Can you not see me? Did you not know me? Was I never the gardener to you? The garden now lies, overrun by last years Halloween's delights, allowed to run their course, and in doing so trampling the ripe tomatoes, and green bell peppers as you do, my heart, by forgetting.


Details | Free verse | |

Jesse

The sun was blaring down 
That August afternoon
When Jesse came into the town 
Of Early Blossom Bloom
The sun had blistered up his skin
His shoes were worn and tired
The clothes he wore upon his back
Was all that he acquired

Jesse was a loner 
Traveled light and all alone
No family he could speak of
No place to call a home
For food and basic shelter
He would trick upon the street
For a twenty dollar bill 
His throat would be a treat

His body aged and weary 
From the life now forced to live
A new found way of living
No man had chose to give
The effort once put forth
Strength he no longer had
To earn an honest living
A concept he didn’t have

What would come of Jesse 
No trade to call his name
In life he loved so many men
Each one a different way
But love for him was just a fix
An action he would show
Not something that would stick around
And nourish his inner soul

He travels to the city 
In hopes to find a friend
One last fool to take
Before giving up his sin
But in this town 
There was no one
To cater Jesse’s ways
No place for him to go and stay
Or a simple bed to lay

He sat down on the park bench
As dusk filled up the sky
Weary from the journey made
In hunger he did cry
In life he played a hell of a dance
No partner came to stay
Deep down afraid 
The city streets
Would be his home to stay

In Jesse’s heart was anger
For the people passed him by
Not one kind word was spoke to him
He sat alone and cried
His prayers of some compassion
Were seemingly unheard
This was life for him now
Banished from the world

He died that night a lonely man
On the park bench all alone
Laid to rest in a lonely grave
The place he now calls home
The life and times of Jesse
Now just a memory 
He was a man most would forget
For shame of his company

Think back on the life and times
That Jesse brought to earth
Would you have shown compassion?
If you seen him all alone
Who is to say who is to judge
For a life lived on the streets
For Jesse it was all he knew
And all he could ever be


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Glass

Melodious kaleidoscope
of broken glass,
Its mosaic montage
consumes lost encounters;
a toasting ceremony
for what perished.

Committed specialization
expires unrewarded.
Sand dollars of short-sightedness
decorate 
the exacting goddess 
of broken importance.

Sliced open, 
laid bare, 
and reassembled,
the vintage gown
of fractioned fragments
unites again 
with the society of tarts and cakes.

The time bundle 
of formulated heartbeats,
pulsate 
expansion and contraction
into 
the altered ambiance
of passion’s fragrant fable.


Details | Free verse | |

Death Wish

When hearts get broken,
Real tears fall.
I sit there hoping I can show you all.
My heart's desire is all I want
Fight fire with fire; you'll be gaunt.
Time is essence of the heart
That teaches me lessons that tear me apart.
My thoughts lessen and I cry
You shouldn't be messing with me
I want to die.
A river forms behind my eyes
The love I once had for you  dies.
Take the arrow, aim it straight;
Hit my heart and fill me with hate.
Listen up and beware: 
My thoughts are churning
No, I don't care.
Time is shortening; you must hurry
Death is threatening.
My vision is blurry.
I hate to say this
And you I will miss
I wish I had one last kiss.


Details | Free verse | |

So many questions

This is hard to live with everyday
Thinking and wondering was it me.
Did i do something to hurt my unborn child
I know where my baby is, they feel no pain
I love you with all my heart and i will never forget you
If i have anymore children they will know of you
I think about you all the time
I wonder whose eyes you had
How tall would have been
If you would have been a Daddy's girl
Or a Mommy's boy
Would you have been sporty like me
Would you have been smart like me and Daddy
I wonder what you would have been when you grew up
I know most of these questions will be answered when i reach the other side
Mommy and Daddy love you very much
I know eventually the pain will start to fade
But you memory will always be in my heart.
Love you Always
Mommy


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide Child

I can't remember if the sun was shining
Or if the clouds looked down on me as I stood 
A child of ten standing on a window sill 
Whispering to himself he should

It started shortly after I woke
Distant where the trigger was
I'm guessing just the overflow
of everything they did and said

Finally ground down by all around
And though I'd fought for years 
Death becomes a friend
When she's the only one there for you

Knowing I would soon be in the playground 
Where no nurse could make better the names they cruelled 
Knowing my mothers boyfriend was down stairs 
Waiting for his latest vile whim to unfold

My mind consumed by every name called
I was not the same they proved 
Alone in my crowded thoughts
T o death I looked for belonging

As I dressed my imagination dreamt
What could happen today? 
Exploding into the unknown 
My strength rapidly dissolved
I could see no directions 
that didn't lead to another painful day

As my journey to the end begun
All they told me loading the gun
All that made me different from
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge of no return

In front of the mirror I stood
Cut off my curly hair
No longer the golliwog
That their taunts would compare

I covered my skin in talcum powder
As I didn't want to be
That horrible thick coon
he always called me.

My hair a mess
My colour unmasked
Tired, Frightened, alone,
I decided enough, enough

Standing on the window sill
The last bastion for survival colliding inside 
As the exhausted wishes to hang on
Were overcome by the desperation to escape this hollow excuse for life

No single tear a cry for help
As id learnt they choose not to hear
I urge myself towards an end to the hurt
where the crying would clear

As I engulf my mind in my final moments
And call for death to take my hand 
From across the road a woman called 
To this day she probably doesn't know she saved my life

Tears unintentionally
Created rivers down talcum powdered cheeks
But my mother didn't laugh 
when she found me

I guess that's where you'd expect everything to be made right 
I guess that's where I learnt to no longer believe
Through every promising word in the wake of what could 
They didn't do what they should


Details | Free verse | |

Elevators: 5 Horsemen

Part 1

Onion

the delicacy of friendship

I found you in the flowers
Standing tall we become one
Looking down from gangly towers
Squash, you burn, you pillage, son.

Follow me you say in tongues
Thy shallow mind reveal me tell
Whisper lies clean load the guns
I feel the burn I rot in hell

Friend folly menacing the liar
I loathe this coffin how it leaks
Dear foe you raped me set on fire
The onion peal itself and weeps

Part 2

Traitor

dear monkey boy

Older eyes eat themselves,
glance and kill the other
Unified in the dance,
they steer the musty rudder.

Pained and sweeter deeper wells,
poised buckets drunk with water.
Singled out the one that dried,
handed weights to pull him under.

Wiser times capture the mind,
death justifies dishonor.
Knife slice neat through the devil's back,
who stares blank and milks the udder.

Part 3

Tempest

patron saint

Inside this box
Goodbye tempestuous fall
My puppet of steel coiled thread
Smashed buttons and twisted dread,
Alarm these doors, and
Escape this delusive bunker bed

Stamp the spiders
Thief, vulture of the deflection
The mocking patron of the sinners
Erase this affliction
Relating inward at the reflection

Rise you fool

Part 4

Phoenix

i love you

close the grip
cinched hematic grip
drenched, clawing
seeking the sheave
becoming the counterweight

i absorb, now
extracting the heat
rise like a phoenix
away to be gone to be free
fix me! i have fixed me

i am alive and i love you

Part 5

Aye, Damager

Abolish her state of disrepair
Scattered, spattered drippy thoughts
All around this box of soused leaves
Soak, ferment in the faith of our love

I can't fix this, you know
I loathe this misunderstanding
Of what I am speaking, projecting
To me, Aye Damager, to you

This devil in me
turned and twisted
A wrecked elevator in rejection
Years locked painfully aware

...


Details | Free verse | |

The Cancer

I've watched her vanish and dietirate into withering roses.

The pain that takes over her body is spreading fast and furious,

and only weakens her!

How can she bring so much light into a room of darkend souls, with her smile,

When she has only those two weeks to remain?

Why her a mother and new bride?

She doesnt want to miss a thing in her young boys lifes.

But... she already knows how it will be and how it will come.

Six days, six days she had before the death withen her took 

one last breath, and she vanished into the atmosphere and left.


Details | Free verse | |

Shadowed

A shadowed cloud drops upon this day

Here, it comes to haunt our hearts

But do not falter at it's persistence

And wipe away your tears

For on this gloomy day we shall smile

Smile for what was there instead,

instead of crying for what is gone.

To each his own, but hold a friend

For in the day of the shadowed cloud,

You will have someone to lean on

And never be alone-for surely,

Surely the cloud will return

But thus your faithful friend is near


Details | Free verse | |

The Dead Vintner's Diary

I wake-up to a sudden wail
probably, someone passed away
 
the whistles of the melancholic tune 
of the passing winds made
 
a woman weep, as the angels trumpet 
in no tune now chanting in unison 

without reason in the midst of 
forgotten tombstones, of marble 

rubble, where in silence lies 
the diary, in which the secret of growing 

vines could be found, the gardening 
ways of the ancient gods, yet 

in flick of time the vineyard will not
be the same, as the rake stand 

rusting as days go by, and his 
epitaph, engraved from own sweat 

and blood has revealed that the sweet 
wine, the true essence of his spirit

the glory that he had kept 
for years, is nothing, but me…


Details | Free verse | |

My Baby

A gift like no other gift, 
one that can't be bought
a precious human being, 
deserving the right to live
to exist as we all do, 
but sometimes it just doesn't
happen that way,

A baby of no harm, 
a baby of no sins
a baby of pure love, 
and only innocence

Tender moments, 
carrying wishes
disappointments, 
everyday misses

Sitting there all alone, 
even though 
I was surrounded,
by others

While wondering, 
why it may be
that I am made to suffer,

Wanting nothing more,
but to die
inside and out,

Things happen for a reason,
so I was taught
I'll never know the reason,
but I'll always feel the loss

The loss of my child,
my baby was taken
away from me,
and there is no reason

I constantly ask myself,
why did this happen?
what did I do wrong?

I asked God to save my baby,
to protect us both
I remain here,
but my baby is gone

It seems as if, my whole world,
just fell apart
and all I could do,
was sit back and watch it happen

I found myself, 
feeling lonely
needing someone, 
anyone to hold me

All I could do was cry,
I had to cry, for the sake of myself
for the sake of my baby,
for the sake of my heart
I had to weep

I cried and cried aloud,
hoping to be heard
please father, 
I'll do whatever you want
you have my word,
just please save my baby

I bled so much, 
had so much pain
denied to myself, 
everything would be okay

Crying and pleading,
praying and weeping
became an everyday routine,
it was so hard to believe
this was happening to me,

It's not over yet,
it never will be
everyday and every night,
it's in my memory...










(March 1998)
My sweet baby
you will always be with me...


Details | Free verse | |

NO PEACE

Crying into my pillow each night
Tears for a sorrow that burns like an acid
Eating it’s way through my senses..through my soul.
The pain sears through me like burning coals
No peace.

Hard to get my mind clear and rational
To put those things into perspective..
Or so I am told by well-meaning others who do not know,
The suffering of my existence; my inability to cope
No peace.

My head throbs in almost a familiar rhythm
A melody of self-pity, for regret, for salvation
And the tears, still flowing, now echoed with muffled sobs
For the agony is nearly more than I can withstand
No Peace.

I pray to a God I do not know, nor care to 
But no one else is there to listen to my pleas for comfort
To make right all those mistakes
As there are so many choices and I haven made the wrong ones
No Peace

So the God I do not acknowledge, lies silent in the stillness
And the burning within begins to subside
As grateful sleep falls upon me at last
Until another night comes, and the thoughts begin again
No Peace.


Details | Free verse | |

This is How I have Come to Fade!

This is how I come to fade!
oh baby I once loved you.
oh I once loved you!!

My heart is aching for you, now.

My love for you cries out!
it cries out!

oh oh this is the way you have made me.
This is the way I have come to fade.

Oh baby I once loved you.



Details | Free verse | |

Lacrimae Rerum

It is a house
That was once a home.
Now with its eyes boarded up,
It has lost its heartbeat.

No longer does he hear
Her faltering fumbling with the key
When he has to visit.
Guilty memories are buried deep
Within him,just like his mother.

His sister tearfully packed the boxes,
Precious few treasures
Consigned to cheap oblivion.

Soon will arrive the house clearance people,
The necessary hyenas of a crowded modern life,
To leave no trace of her story
Save the little blot
Burned brown 
On the third step of the stairs.


Details | Free verse | |

The Hours of Alzheimer

The Hours of Alzheimer 

12
It starts ticking away slowly
Longer needed to search what’s  known.
Watching the hand jerk 
Minutes passing
“Twelve is for noon, then?”
“Yes.  Yes, Daddy!  Just like that. 
  Twelve noon is lunch.” 


3
Very gently, oh so sweetly,
Out of love and kindest thought
Offering words and filling fissures
Keeping pace and instant beating
“The,     oh, you know, the       oh how silly, the     the box thing”
“Yes, the box thing, the clock,  Daddy.  Says it’s 3 and time for tea.”  


6
Now impatience starts its tapping
Chasms stretching longer still
Wanting this moment
 to stop its running
“I       I       please      fork       I     I   food”
“Oh, of course, dear Daddy.  Dinner time.  
  Here, your fork. ”          


9  
Interval waxing
Memory waning
Lingering in the distance
This cavity expanding 
“ I                   I       I            I”
“Oh it’s last course time Daddy.  Some dessert, then time for bed.”


12
Midnight falling
Thoughts abandoned
Cadence silent
Dead of night

First published: Poetry Quarterly


Details | Free verse | |

no matter what

dedicated to my deceased only brother, joshua

i'll stay with you,
as long as the wind blows
i'll always be in your heart
you know i didn't leave you all alone
i am of eternal essence
my spirit is within you
live my life for me
do all that i cant do
be the one that i once was
conceal the chances known as a flaws
and if contentment immerses herself
or sorrrow fills the air
you will hear my moral
and you'll know that i am there
there for you when you cant see
theres more to life than missing me
i wish you well, my sister, dear
for keep your chin up and wipe that tear


Details | Free verse | |

The Scar

      
     
           
 They told me..forget it..! 
 They confused me.. 
 They ordered me... 
 "Control your thoughts.."  

 Whenever I see flowers...
 My heart leaps with joy..
 But when I reach near... 
 They wither.............  

 Whenever I see babies... 
 My heart leaps with joy.. 
 But when I reach near... 
 They cry....... 
 
Whenever I look in mirror, 
It frightens me......... 
 THE SCAR ! 
  


Details | Free verse | |

Loss for Eternity

in the distance i see you
and i call you back;
I WANT YOU BACK........
and you turn....

look at me
with a split-second
of for-EVER in your eyes

then...as you are
so good at doing
you use that 
devil i don't care
smile

and disappear
right there
in the crystal
swirling liquid 
of my tears

there is a whispering...
"i will wait....
yes, i will wait
next time."

by janetta


Details | Free verse | |

Lost

Standing on this sun-soaked beach without you,
sea splashes mix with salty tears
that the gentle wind brushes from my cheek.
My toes curl into the soft white sand
as they did whenever you caressed me.

Is it a mistake to return so soon,
whence the last strands of happiness lie?
I blight this place which you once graced,
laying lithe and golden on its shore,
out dazzling the sun with your luster.

Laughter from unknowing revellers offends me
and I fix my gaze to past horizons,
where my passion knew no end,
before this shroud of misery enveloped me, 
In an echo of your pall.

Crisp white sheets filled with fragrant breezes
Glide the distant yachts to quiet harbours
Safe from storms they’ll rest peacefully, like you.
Whilst I remain, marooned in turmoil.
At sea.
At loss.
Alone.


Details | Free verse | |

Losing You

Liquid tears
fallen rain
down my face
emotional droplets
caressing skin
bittersweet hearts
cracked in half
drowning passions
in a sea of blue
floating away
stranded feelings
oceans streaming
soaking sand
dissolving dreams
crushing hope
into pieces
of losing you.


Details | Free verse | |

Come to pass

Like shooting stars my idols have come to pass
They left their mark then died too fast
Melodic chords and crooning voices
Their music lives on in a world full of choices
Songs of anger, songs of love, songs of sadness or all of the above
My idols have come to pass
Inspiring artists for many generations
From their own minds with musical creations
So their stars we admire from a distance
Only to follow with some resistance
My idols have come to pass


Details | Free verse | |

Our Choice

For the love of man 
That which I see 
So hollow and empty
(Like a casket yet filled)
Yet still, something inside cries
For empty arms have what to hold
At what cost 
Should life be bought
(The price of war)
Over love that’s sought
I shall take my penitence
As well as my leave
For it is our choice
That which we believe


You know my disadvantage is 
having no Poetic knowledge. I
I looked up E.E. Cummings and
read some of his poem's and I
have no idea if this poem will
be acceptable, but hey I tried.


Details | Free verse | |

We Cant Be Together

Sorry its not you its me
Your perfect
Your everything that I want
I can see myself with you 
I really can
Its just that I nolonger trust men
I want to be along
There's no such thing as love
Or trust
I like you I do
Its just I have trust issues


Details | Free verse | |

Killing Ants

Ants are known to be industrious,
Bustling about the anthill
In lines and arcs and freeform patterns,
Intent on some important insect mission,
Minding their own business, thank you.

Of course, sometimes ants have to be exterminated
If they’re likely to bite a small child,
Or interrupting the flow of one’s flower bed,
Or just plain in the way.

After all, they’re only bugs,
Small and inconsequential and expendable.

Occasionally, small rough and tumble boys,
Full of bravado and challenging each other,
Will desecrate an anthill recklessly
Just for sport…
And to see the ants run frantically
In response to the destruction of their entire world
At the whim of a dirty-sneakered foot.

They look so small from up above
Scurrying about like ants
Tiny and insignificant  from the height
Of a skyscraper, or a ski lift,
Or the windshield of a fighter pilot’s plane.
Tiny, and in the way
Because, as we all know,
Sometimes ants have to be exterminated.


Details | Free verse | |

Never Cry Any More For Your Lost Love

Loud shall the darkest days speak, tired and fed!
That there isn’t a truth in the word love,
For they had shed the tears in colour red,
Like blood from the heart of a dying dove.

Long had the cowards played games with you,
they knew your heart was innocent in soul,
that your heart shall make no complaint or sue,
The devils, in the love-mask, those played foul.

not a sight of true love yet touched your heart,
as it shall not come in the devils mask,
and never can it tear your heart apart,
as it sounds no easy for them, a task.

Wait for the true love that shall take your hands,
With true spirits that you never have seen,
in this world or heaven and fairy-lands,
taking you to the depths you never been.

So, let your wings row high upon the sky,
For you will find your new love from its height,
That fills your heart, full, with roses of shy,
while worlds spin envied taking off their sight.

©Anees Rahman


Details | Free verse | |

My Apology

I loved you...
But i guess it was a joke, as I lay here and cry
You live life happy
As I cared so much for you
And in the end, I get hurt
Everyday goes by
But I am still waiting without you
You are constantly on my mind
When I think of happy times
I start to cry
When you broke my heart
I said things
Things that were wrong
I feel so bad about it
When I try to tell you
You act like you don't know me
I did things to hurt you
But it came back in my face
So please forgive me
Forgive my mean side
I did it out of love
I did it out of anger
You were someone really special
You made my day
I felt so good with you
You are the sweetest person to be with
When it ended
I wanted to ruin my life
Then something said he would come back
But after a while, it got worse
Everyday I think of you
How I should feel so sorry
I wish I could tell you
I wish you would understand,
What you meant to me
How you hurt me,
How I hurt you.
Maybe one day you will make some girl
Feel as special as you made me feel.
Treat her well.
Love her.
Make her feel special.
But always remember,
I miss you.
I will never forget you.
The fun we had together.
Never forget me
Also that you are special to me...


Details | Free verse | |

Without Him

The decanter is filled with chicory blooms
(blue, for the sky is her pleasure)
while the snapshot turns nigrescent
marking rain for the evening weather
The ring with which they two had wed
lay gilded 'round her finger
With her eyes closed oboes quarreled
'gainst the scent of him, that lingered.
Her languish comes but once a day
She turns to the mackerel sky
and sits upon her lonely porch
In sight the ibis fly.
She remembers sweet the sparkling mint
his eyes had held in winter
and the rush of tangling wild wars
they waged when he did kiss her.
As evening falls the grass gives up
it's scent from dew to rain
and again her footsteps lead her
to a solitary grave.


Details | Free verse | |

Please Don't Cry

Please don’t cry
I’m here when you sleep
As soon as you lie
My love is still here
You should have no fear
Just wait a while
It will all be clear
My voice you will hear
Pleasant to your ears
My words become a sponge
Wiping away your tears
To my baby
My sweet little lady
To my baby
I will love daily
Let my words 
Let you know that I love you
Cradle you as you sleep
And hug you
With a feeling so deep
And my voice you know so well
Rest with you and dwell


Details | Free verse | |

I Could Only Watch

If I could catch the world in a bottle
Would it be worth having?
It would hold hopes and dreams
Shared by billions of souls
All of the love ever shared would be locked away
Protected from those who wish to end it
People would life their lives
Not knowing that they are sheltered
Maybe if they knew they wouldn’t care
I would never know
Looking from the outside I could only watch
Alone, separated by a thin wall of glass
I could only watch as others met and fall in love
Starting their own families they thrived
They became happy and grew
While I could only watch
Holding the world in a bottle


Details | Free verse | |

PestAside

How do words
change
the science of
you
to me?
My heart deems you
know
but you beg me
go.
Anyway.


Details | Free verse | |

I Beg You

Somewhere within your silence,
I've become a nomad,
wandering helplessly around
the barren desert you've created,
hopelessly searching 
for the illusive mirage that you've become.
Yet all I see is the vast sunlit horizon,
that I'll never reach.
It's all in your hands now,
I am just a broken soul aimlessly wandering.
I beg you,
show me your mirage,
let me bask in it's beauty,
let me hear the tender sounds
of your poetic waterfall,
and let me be healed,
by your gentle, cool, calming breeze,
flowing within my soul once more.


Details | Free verse | |

We Made Ice cream

  I remember! 
  Cranking that old wore-out handle on that ice cream maker, until I thought my 
arms were going to fall off.  Having a big smile on my face, as I turned and 
turned, pushed and pulled on that old crank begging my big brother, the whole 
time to “Spell me!” so I could set on an old rag on top of the ice, using my weight 
(as it was) to hold that ice cream maker in place. 
   I remember my grandfather coming out of the house, out on the back porch. To 
make sure my big brother and I was “Doing it right.” as if, there was a wrong way! 
He made sure that we
had plenty of ice, plenty of rock salt. I can still see him sticking his little finger in 
the weep-hole to make sure it didn’t get stopped-up. That was most important to 
him, as he
always got the first bowl. I don’t know why? He clamed, he would get the first 
bowl, to make sure that salt didn’t get into the mix. Funny to me, he never made a 
salty face as he was eating that first bowl.  
   I remember, watching my grandmother making that “mix” she picked the 
freshest eggs, measured just the right amount of vanillin extract, I loved the way 
her kitchen smelled. I watched her chop the bananas peal the peanuts, stir it up 
with the cream and sugar. She hummed “Old Rugged Cross” as she made that 
sweet ice cream mix, it was as if she was having fun; like the turning of the crank 
for us boys, work for sure but still fun!
  I would eat light, as that banana-peanut ice cream cured while we had supper, 
waiting for grandfather to finish his third helping, we had to wait, he always got 
the first bowl, I don’t know why? 
 
 



Details | Free verse | |

Payphone's out of order

This booth i'm in , you call a body
apparent problems , wiring shoddy

can't get thru all the busy signals
rush of the race , eluding victuals

can't get thru with simple affection
are they harnessed wrong , disconnection

is comprehension a distant voyage
where i'm now speaking a foreign language

is the dark pit of self so deeply entrenched
where thirst for knowledge will never be quenched

long distance calls from this booth i'm in
dialing the right number is where to begin
as long as i remain on the right frequency
 at least avoid world's subsequent delinquency.....

Food for thought , all for naught
line is open , if it's sought.........


Details | Free verse | |

Vices

Powder dreams and acid queens
Snow white bliss and razor 
blades
Rails so thick your heart will 
bleed
Find your fix so you’ll succeed 
Uppers, downers, sweet cocaine
Every demon has a name
All that matters is the fight
To stay alive and in the light
It hurts so bad right through the 
core
You fear two words and that’s 
coke whore
Cut so deep to feel alive
With every shot you build your 
pride
The fiery rush and burning lust
Nothing else matters f*** their 
trust
A slip, a fall is all it takes
To see you land back on your 
face
The heart that breaks can’t take 
no more
Your soul is gone thrown on the 
floor
The pills you pop the smack you 
shoot
The crack you cook the lines 
you toot
The midnight toke that liquid 
courage
That blissful coke won’t be 
discouraged
Rapping, tapping on your door 
Claiming your body take some 
more
A stressful day a slip from grace
A couple more makes my heart 
race
The walls cave in two worlds 
collide
I wait in horror as my heart dies
A crash of sound a rush of red
Crimson tears are filled with 
dread
The sirens fade and fall away
Too late for fate this ends today


Details | Free verse | |

Night Creature

Here it comes again -

That scratch-eyed, skin-split creature of the night.

Here it comes again 

To invest my soul 

And scrape at old markings that once held promise.

Here it is again 

In that brittle, dirty little hour

Where there is no hiding.

Here it is again, 

Love’s decay, the puss-sore that never healed,

The sweet pain of yesterdays.

In that hour when no one hears a whisper

Or a soul turn over,

That little, muddy hour 

When substance lies at the bottom 

And light never reaches it.

In that hour when love is revisited

And burst-blood runs its mindless course.

In that hour I dread so much,

It’s in that hour I’m loving you again.


Details | Free verse | |

Missing You

One day out.
Still crying to sleep,
All because I’m missing you,
And your gaze.
I’m entranced by you.
My mind whirls about your face,
And you’re not even around.
The smallest thing that reminds me of you,
Triggers the tear ducts to fill.
It hurts to look at the pictures,
Of us.
Because I know that I won’t see you for awhile.
Too long, if you ask me.
Summer has come,
And I’m still waiting for it to pass.
Can’t last,
I’m sure, much longer.
I’m missing you.
I’m missing me.
Because you hold my heart and soul in your palm.
Take care of it,
For I am missing you,
And will need to see you soon.


Details | Free verse | |

Momma

I know all the stories that she'd told she been livin in lies she knows shes doin 
wrong.All i know is she need to do right. I can't keep oncryin momma s do it just 
please no more fights. I tell myself that she will do better, momma we are a 
family ain't we supposed to bo together. What happened to our happy fun. Every 
since that doy violence but more guns. You used to give me hugs what 
happened to all the kisses, all the good times yes we allmisses.We can forget 
abut it momma thanks to you. You can't play me nomore i'm not a little fool. I try 
so hard but why can't you stop. One day i just wish you will and IT gonna drop.


Details | Free verse | |

Shadow Man

I'm the shadow man -

Thinly tracing every step you take

I'm there, always there

Pressing near and yet apart

Just a shadow of a man

I'm the shadow man -

Don't look back or down

I will be hiding

Beneath a footstep or a cloudy sky

But I'm there, always there

Just a shadow of a man

Pressing near yet apart

Treading lightly here and there

I can't be loved

And I won't be ignored

So lend me your hand

And stay close if you can

Everyone needs somewhere to be

Even a shadow man


Details | Free verse | |

Lost and Found

She once said
on a stormy night
before the first drop of rain graced tongues:
"Passion is overrated.  It's out of style"
The crack of clouds blew grey into her face at that moment.
Umbrellas turned their skin inside out
The surf tasted it's own salt and spat it out in disgust
The black beyond broke rain capsules and sang in thunderous laughter.
Passion. 
Lost?
Misplaced?
Nonessential??
We caught her up in our raincoats and hurried her into the nearest cafe.
Three hot coffees and her chattering lips.
Steam in swirly rings 'round her fingers as she shook.
As she cried.
Passion swarmed out of her words and caught the cafe on fire
It burned while we sat there
Peeling paint and freezing fingers
Raining sky in midnight's palm
We listened as she brought up memories
All ignited, having slept long past deadlines of ardor.
We cried with her in conundrum dreams
and kept the burnt out structure erect by our finger tips to scaffold.
A woman grieving should not be disturbed.
Suddenly, her words made sense.
The sky cleared
Her eyes swallowed their blue and returned the ocean to it's salt
We held hands, stretched across a cherry red booth reflecting every broken capillary in her gaze.
Sisters united in empathy's grasp
a circle of an undivided enclave
We stepped over the ashes of her memories
and walked her home despite her obstinate refusal for one of us to stay over.
Count down to 3am
and the petunias lining her front walk
kissed her ankles with the thanks of rain
She smiled and passionately picked the velvet purple 
and placed it in our palms.
We saw the full spectrum of rainbows and heartaches
and growling thunder on the verge of lost adherence to love
all on her face in one evening
That night, she went home alone, to sleep on her side of the bed
with the shivering almost subsiding into the faintest scent of brewing hope.


Details | Free verse | |

Love

I keep hearing that you exist. 
People say they see you-
They touch you.
They say you help them when depressed, sad and lonely.
They say you keep people together- forever.
Some even say you do not work all the time;
You have a tendency to fade away-
Only for a short time, however,
For you can return to set things back to norm.
I'm curious- love.
Do you really return?-
Do you really fade away?-
Do you really keep people together- forever?-
Do you really console the depressed, sad and lonely?-
For I am sad, lonely and depressed.
Will not you help me?
Why ignore me?-
Or forget me?
Why listen to what others have to say about me?
I tried to reach for you too-
You just could not see.
For sadness, depression and loneliness kept you blind;
Blind from watching my hands reach out to you...
You fell-
Long gone-
Never came back.
Do not worry-
I keep hearing that you exist.
Tis' true?- 
Do you really- 
Exist?


Details | Free verse | |

The house eaters

1.
My grapefruit tanned
toothpicks
bow above
the five-day flattened
spot
in an olive shag carpet
tracing grandpa Leo's 
blueprint,
with one encapsulated
toe –
this is the femur, this is
the head,
this is the fist, the ring
finger, the soul.
I search for any blunt
white quivering slivers
of Caroline's purported
fly fetuses.

2.
Huddling behind the
corpse
of an old hospital bed,
a framed photo 
smoke browned and
wearing my toddler face,
watches
his children choke
hushed, broken
sentences

this will be yours, my
plate, separate the
holiday china…

an enigmatic language
that hovers in
smoke stretched rings
to wilt
upon the hallway
bulb.

3.
I am left
the ceramic cygnet,
and an ivory carved 
dromedary.

These artifacts
plucked
from his porcelain
menagerie
that I decipher 
through dust fingerprints
for
one small inheritance of
a memory.

4.
Tomorrow,
Aunt Rose
puts price
to his bibelots,
the olive shag carpet,
even cousin Amy's 
plastic horse,
who was accidentally
left to pasture on an 
afghan.

A silver plated glass cage
image of her past,

she says she will whittle
all of him,
from the
wooden
house 
bones.



Details | Free verse | |

a desolating future

were it was hollowed within
the crumpled tissue paper
thrown onto the filth
drowned on truth


Details | Free verse | |

Like, Like, How Could She?

Like, this one time, in band camp 
I asked this girl out and she like, 
Said no, and I like 
Like totally liked her, and like 
I almost loved her and she said like, 
Like, like no, 
Like how could she? 
I was so hurt, like, seriously 
Not like, broke a nail hurt, like really, 
Really, 
Really, 
Really hurt, you know? 
Like it wasn't even in my head you know? 
Well, it was, but it was like, deeper than that 
It was right in my chest, like right by my heart 
Every time it beat, it like, hurt 
And it like, didn't stop 
Not for anything, 
Like not even when I went to sleep, 
It like, just hurt, and hurting 
And like, like never stopped 
It hurt like, so bad 
It was like the worst feeling I ever felt, 
Like in my entire life, 
How could she say no like that? 
Like really? 
I like, lost her 
Totally lost her 
But I like never had her to begin with, 
Still it hurt, because I like almost loved her 
And it felt like she was mine, but she wasn't 
And like, now she'll never be. 
This is like, sooo depression, 
How can I march in a time like this? 
I just totally feel deprived of happiness and meaning, 
I could die, I could totally die right now 
Like I'm not even kidding, I could stop living 
Right now, just die, 
I could go to that cabin and get on the roof 
Then like get onto that higher roof on the cabin next to it 
And then like, totally jump off and die 
Just die like a frog under a tire you know? 
"Not a lesbian" she says, well whatever 
I can't believe this, this is so sad 
You know, this is so bad, you know what I'm going to do? 
You know what I'm going to do? 
I'll like, tell you 
I'm going to go eat some cheese, 
Goodbye. 


Details | Free verse | |

Talking to Empty Cubicles

At 
gray fabric offices,
cubicles divide us—
turn us into
refuges
with mock privacy,
as overheard conversations
drip from lips
endlessly smacking.

Sometimes
it seems insanity
squared—
nothingness 
randomly speaking
in tongues
to cubicles
with no one there.

We 
thumb tack
individuality
loosely
to coarse fabrics—
arms stretched out
from wall to wall,
as mouths open
to mirrored
silences 
we never 
scream.


Details | Free verse | |

If I Forget

If I forget,
Remind me of your name
As it must have slipped away.

If I forget,
Show me a photo of my face
As it surely has changed.

If I forget,
Take my hand back to that place
For I've certainly lost my way.

If I forget,
Breathe a gentle breath in my ear
If will calm my fear and rekindle the flame.

If I forget,
Bring the heart straps
That held me to you like glue.

And if I forget,
Carry the memory of us
It is lost but a treasure on a raft on the waves...

TRS, 09/13/08


Details | Free verse | |

Void

I see you in my dreams, laughing, eyes merrily dancing 
you fill my heart with love, my soul with kissed promises
But when I awake from this rainbowed dream where all the edges 
are bound with colored ribbons of hope
I find you standing at the end of my bed, eyes sunken and hollowed
a black crow, perched upon the limb of your own destruction

Your addictions gnawing away at your being are all that appear 
no light exudes from your presence, darkness has enveloped you
has stolen your future and our dreams, like a thief that 
slipped by, so quietly unseen 
all that is left are the bright images of the past, 
where we are captured in moments of suspended happiness 
They frequent every corner of my mind and visit me in 
my subconscious 
If only I could but remain in that deepest void 
you would be as you were, our future would be as it 
always should have been

I close my eyes and block out your image that has tainted my 
present reality 
choosing to dwell upon the scattered pictures and remain 
blissfully peaceful in my own ignorance
For the person that you were is forever lost to me, gone, 
swallowed whole
of us there is but an empty vacuum, a succession of days, 
until the end 


Details | Free verse | |

October 13th

Wake up a little earlier; another troubled night
But the remnants of pre-birthday make-up still do their job remarkably
Smile for the camera; these pictures are keepers, so realistically modelled for
Thank yous for unthoughtful offerings; why hurt feelings after all?
A dozen friends all come along; it's not their scene but they want to please me
Can't look over there, have to be the last to go through the door
They're trying so hard, all their love gathering on my windowsill
Some cards handmade with heartfelt affection, gifts so vague and cliched, more 
roses than I could care for
And your dusty eyes still staring through them all from behind the frame
Complete the scene as my headstone

Couldn't have slept at all
Excitedly imagining what you were planning
Warm in your jacket you gave me to sleep in
Wouldn't lift or lower my foolish head
Jitters looking forward to you
Flash could've gone off but we wouldn't notice
Shroud me with your words, promises you could not keep
All the guests combined; a less than you companion
I wonder why we couldn't make it through?
And I'd never had to say goodbye 'til the day that I met you
All that I'd got for we pushed them all out
And I didn't miss them.
Didn't miss them.

Why are you still asking after me?
How do you still reach into my eyes
Before I turn away?
What happened to let us get like this and tell me
When can it end?
How is it I want it to stay?
Though there's a soft spot for you in my heart and you're
Slowly seeping out

Frozen as this face remains
Breaking when I'm forced to recall
I'm 18 and you're not here
But she passed on your message for me
Happy Birthday.
And in those obligated words it all crashes back
I'll keep all our secrets and ignore all the rest
The world we made and left to decay
Keeps me smiling for every wasted day.


Details | Free verse | |

Lost Child

The child was lost
Through no fault of mine
I wanted to have it
But it wasn't the right time
I hid my emotions
I didn't want to mourn
But I couldn't help it
It didn't want to be born
I didn't tell a single person
Until a long time after
Then someone close to me
Went and told the father
I'd had a miscarriage
And he didn't even care
If the child had been born
He wouldn't have been there
After he'd been told
And he talked to me
I cried for days on end
But my tears no one had seen
I shut myself away
And hid inside my room
I lay cuddling a teddy
I held it against my womb
But years have passed
I think I'm over it now
I know it never developed
But I still miss it somehow


Details | Free verse | |

Innocence of a Child

Mister,
Why did you hit Mommy?

Mister,
You can't punish me,
You're not my daddy!

Mister, 
You say not to hit,
But your actions declare you a hypocrite.

Mister,
You push Mommy down,
But you say not to tell unless I say she fell.

Mister,
I try my darnedest to be good,
But you say I'm not action like I should.

Mister,
You hurt my feelings,
But you say you're just teaching me something with meaning.

Mister,
You come home with more than just Mommy,
But you say I saw nothing

Mister,
The night you came home drunk,
You know the night you shot Mommy with a shotgun . . . 
The night you left her beaten, bruised, scarred,
Bleeding on the ground. . . 
The night she went to sleep and never woke up

That night I was left alone,
Helpless,
Nowhere to go.

Mister,
Why did you do it
When you said you loved Mommy?

Mister, 
Why did you leave me stranded 
When you said you cared about me?

Mister,
Because of you
I am left here to die
Beside this dumpster where you told me to lye.

Mister,
I've been waiting here like you said,
For days,
Weeks,
Months,
But you r face I have not seen

You have let me down, Mister,
But that is nothing new.

You always told me to be a good child,
So I will.
With what's left of me, 
I will wait,
Calling your name . . . 

Mister . . . ?
Mister . . . ?




Details | Free verse | |

Painful Sorrow and Loneliness

I’m sitting on a park bench…in the rain
Crying, with no one to console me…
I lost my family…and I lost my friends
And what’s worst is that my love left me…
I never knew that loneliness could hurt so much
And I never thought that it could happen…to me
Well I guess I was wrong…

These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!

Now I walk home alone…with nothing
On my mind, except for misery…
I sit in the corner…where it is dark
So that I can escape reality…
I never knew that sorrow would hurt me at all
Because I believed that I was too strong for that
But I guess that I was wrong…

The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!

These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!


Details | Free verse | |

What Was Wrong With Me

I can't believe you saw my picture
Right away you send me a letter
Said the cuties things to me
Said i was the only one
We made plans to finally meet
You could't wait for just a bit
You saw me for the first time
Said nothing but good-buh
What was it that i did wrong?
Was i something else?
Was i ugly?
What was it?
Im still left with this blank 
Inside my mind


Details | Free verse | |

My Heart Will Go On!

M y heart was not perpaird for this!
Y ou caught me so off gaurd.

H ow could you leave my life, like there was never any love at all.
E very time I remember you, the pain contenues.
A fter all we have been through, you departed.
R ed roses you gave me, said you loved me.
T onight I cry for you.

W hat you have done for me, has opened my eyes. 
I will never forget this for it has been my life lesson.
L ook at me.
L ook at me, you have made me.

G od forbid this, but it is what is now.
O h how I want you back.

O ne day I might forgive you.
N ever will I stop loveing you.


Details | Free verse | |

No words describe the pain

No words describe the pain
As tears fall you know, 
This is only the beginning!
True heartbreak lies ahead
Tears roll endlessly,
A grown man on his knees
Broken by despair.
That sad reality that your not good enough
A question you already answered!
Looking back I regret…
I regret that first look when your eyes met mine…
You had my heart more then you could ever know!
As rage brews inside, still I have no hate for you,
But only for myself! 
Knowing I couldn’t be what you needed… 
I couldn’t fill that role!
So here I sit alone
As tears roll down my check,
I have no words to describe the pain!


Details | Free verse | |

The Evoultion of Learning (Part Two)

As long as various people run various nations
There will forever be war
What the world needs is one leader
A common man who believes in the working class
As well as the Lord
Instead of one Nation under God
Lets make it one World under God
And just let each individual decide what he or she wishes to call that God
So I here by nominate our dear friend Vince Suzadail Jr.
The first candidate of the new world order 
He seems to have the best Political views I’ve heard
And I think he alone could do a much better job
Than all the leaders of all the nations are doing
At least I’m certain he couldn’t do any worse
And that way all the super intelligent people devising ways 
Of destroying our world
Could find something more constructive to spend their time on
Like raising a crop or milking a cow
Saving a child or helping elderly with their needs 
There are plenty of folk who need a hand
Lets all start offering them ours instead of cutting theirs off
I’m just a simple man
My actual world is very small
My family, friends and neighbors
I love you all and hope you know I’ll do anything for you I can
There is no malevolence left in me
I know how to make and use a shank, zip gun or small explosive
But I’ve learned not to
For I’ve learned to think with my heart and soul
They do a much better job than my mind
I just wish the great minds of the world
Were smart enough 
To figure out what I have
And learn to love with all of their hearts


Details | Free verse | |

Tide

Must be so far
'Cause I can't see the end
Here's hoping
Here's to all who never cared

I said I'd serve you until the end
Not so hard to understand
But you have killed the moment
Left me here for dead

Coming too fast
'Cause I can see the end
Here's hoping
You take time forget

I said I'd serve you until the end
Not so hard to understand
But you have killed the moment
Left me here for dead

Coming too late
'Cause I have passed the end
Here's hoping
You let go of all regrets

In comes the tide
To wash your life away
Here's hoping
That you're on solid ground


Details | Free verse | |

The Angels Cry

Dark the shadow, moving among us as a thief,
Deftly slipping its thin, spiny fingers 
Deep into those hearts not yet strong
Tugging almost effortlessly at the soul within
That knows not, the light, the bright salvation.

For only a small step towards the shining star
Would summon the angels to battle,
Fierce, cunning, strong, they fly to their call.
But, alas, though a small step,  a deep, endless chasm
For one so lost, so tortured...so alone.

The others watch yet do nothing to stop
The growing vastness of nothing, 
Suckling all life, all hope from where it feeds
So simply, with hardly a protest or fight, not even a whimper;
Only abandon and sadness, regret and loss.

Yet in the distance a soft and gentle song trumpets in the wind,
Calling back the lost and weary souls forgotten,
Calling them all back, aching for their pains and sorrows,
Offering a choice if only they would hear.
Closer and brighter, chasing shadow back into the night.

The endless battle surely bringing victory to one
Yet, we watch and do nothing, and the angels cry out
Their frustrations and despair, and with prayers that man will take
That step of faith, opening their hearts as all who hunger for the light,
May find salvation and end the nothingness that grows.



Details | Free verse | |

False Love

I thought that you…
Would be the one that would be different
But I’ve come to see…
That you’re no different from the rest
I see that once again I made the same mistake
And I will continue until I finally see the truth!

Why must you take my heart
And use it, abuse it, to your liking?
Must you grind it up into tiny pieces?
However, I’m tired of being your
Toy used merely for your pleasure
Because I now see right through you
So leave me be darling

As you may know…
I will not shed a single tear for you
Just go away…
For all you do now is plague my mind
I should’ve known that you didn’t ever love me
Instead, you just merely led me along

My love for you still remains
But what is the use if all you do
Is just use it like an object?
If you never loved me in the first place
Then you shouldn’t have pulled me by a leash
For I’m not an animal that you can control!

Why must you lie?
Why did you lie?
Why lie to me and say you love me?

I have to know
I must know
I got to know why I…
Was tricked again!

The darkness is peoples’ hearts…
Seem to get even darker…
Is there no way to change it…?
Tell me why, I have to know…

Why must you take my heart
And use it, abuse it, to your liking?
Must you grind it up into tiny pieces?
However, I’m tired of being your
Toy used merely for your pleasure
Because I now see right through you
So leave me be darling

My love for you still remains
But what is the use if all you do
Is just use it like an object?
If you never loved me in the first place
Then you shouldn’t have pulled me by a leash
For I’m not an animal that you can control!

Why must you lie?
Why did you lie?
Why lie to me and say you love me?

I now know
I now know
I now know that you…
Never really loved me!


Details | Free verse | |

Somewhere Between the Lines and your Soul

So tired is my soul this eve,
and my heart hangs heavy within me,
I've finally purged to the paper,
the words I've needed to
for so long,
although a release,
a strange sort of relief,
I grieve too
for meanings lost
somewhere between the lines
and your soul.
My intentions so deep,
I drowned myself beneath them.
Yet finally,
after purging my angst,
I shall rise to the surface,
and live freely once again.


Details | Free verse | |

I BURIED THE POET

disappeared with the moment,
Regrets, Echoes, Confusion, Lust,
all sandwiched on white leaves with blue veins
coated with brownish crust.
i have my name on it,
lost, i cannot stand,
dizzy, hoping it escapes a cognoscenti hand.
The rythms, The rhymes, The stanzas, The lines
I cannot save money to buy,
'cos they came like from the sky.
sighs and tears soaked by the time.
I'm a forfeit mind...
but I wrote those lines...
blue, black, green and red,
on white pages spread. Awakening, I buried the 'i'
now awaiting the fumes of the sediment to bring I back to life. 


Details | Free verse | |

Mistake

Falling deep,
Hard and strong.
Can’t stop from falling,
In love with your gaze,
And I won’t realize it,
Until I’m hit hard in the face, 
A horrible reminder of this morbid place.
Can’t stop time,
And can’t turn it back,
Can’t change your place,
In a world made of class.
My heart shatters,
Like glass,
When you aren’t around,
And yet you don’t notice,
Until the day,
I’m gone for good.
Invisible,
Not there for you to admire.
And now you’re the one falling,
And falling,
Until you’re hit in the face,
And realize you’ve made your biggest,
Mistake.


Details | Free verse | |

His Name was innocence

I had dreams, sometimes
About him
always about glass streams
I used to love his company
Or the promise of it,
In my dreams.
Then my eyelids spread apart
And they stroked blissful clouds
As he made me mumble and
Sigh through my words
And blow bubbles of nonsense into the dense air
While lying in his arms
On his chest
In his mother’s bed
Cradling my heart
Caressing my 
body
With his hand between my thighs
Rubbing, exploring, sinfully
Touching me
And the throat filling silence
And the sound of his mouth
And the expulsion of breath
And the symphony in his chest
And my love echoing through my body
With his hand between my thighs
And the electricity in my fingernails
And my limp, clenched, guilty, pleasure bond body
Anticipating
The exploration of his hand
Between my thighs
Before then
Before we were there, or I was there, or he was there
Holding me
Closer, 
His hand rhythmically
Slithering up my thigh
Allowing me to taste the darkened fruit of paradise
On his mother’s bed
(and my wonder if I was dreaming)
no
before then
I can only remember Innocence.


Details | Free verse | |

Destructive Obliteration

Hacksaw…

	Obliteration within;

		Scream the shame---

			Make it a nightmare:

		Walking zombie,

	Destroy imagination…

Annihilated.

Russell Sivey

Entrant into Debbie Guzzi's "Something Different" contest


Details | Free verse | |

Mirror, Mirror

Frustrated
Hurt 
Confused
Unsure
Unable to see who I am
Unable to see you for what you are
What you’ve become
Yet I love you
But the longer I stay
The longer my love for myself fades away
I have sacrificed
Compromised
Went against my morals 
My principles
All for a love that was never really mine
I have been battered
Bruised
Scarred by the same lips that use to say the sweetest words
The words that use to play in my ears like a soft symphony 
You can’t even see how much you’ve changed 
Back to who you always were
The man you always denied to be
How naïve of me to trust 
In you 
In us
The mask that you use to hide your true identity 
Has disappeared 
Leaving you exposed
For all eyes to see
What a Liar
Swindler
 Jerk
You really are
It’s as if I am seeing you for the first time
As satisfied as I should be for finding this out now
Before I was in deeper
I am not satisfied
I am heartbroken 
Distraught
I can’t believe I fell for the illusion
Instead of for the reality
I can’t believe my chance for a happily ever after 
Was only a mirage I created in my mind
And I can’t believe I allowed you to hurt me so deeply
I can’t believe this broken girl in the mirror ...is me


Details | Free verse | |

Black and White

Wish it wasn't so cold around here
Wish I could stand up sometimes
Wish I had somewhere to go
Drowning myself to sleep with emo music

Wish you were near me
Wish I knew who you are
Wish I could see your eyes for a while
Dreaming in black and white every night

The sun goes down again
End of the act, see you idiots tommorrow
Hide in the darkness
Warm, comfy shelter
The day is gone again
Another time I can't be broken
I pull the strings here, in black and white
Curl up and cry for tonight

The sun goes down again
And you emerge from its ashes
Look at me now, in black and white
'cause colors hurt

Wish I could look at the sun
Without my eyes burning up
Wish you were here
Without your hands cutting mine

But I just sleep every night
Dreaming in black and white...


Details | Free verse | |

Your Death - Dedicated to my Husband

As I see you take your last breath
I cry and scream in agony
For I have lost my best friend and
The only man that ever truly loved me
You knew all my secrets
You knew all my faults
And loved me in spite of them

Now I feel bitter regret
Because I have missed so
Much time with you
And now it is too late
I have lost you forever

You were the only one 
Who was ever true to me
You would have ripped
Out your heart if I needed it
Though abuse and betrayal
Found me because of you
I always knew how much
That you loved me

Despite the many faces 
That you have encountered
During your lifetime
I was the only woman
That you ever loved 
Though I was full of
Many imperfections 
You saw me as 
The perfect woman
In every way
The devotion you have
Shown me surpasses
That of all of the romantic
Tales that have ever been told

Now all I can do is
Cherish your memory
Like I should have done
When you were alive
Your passing does not
Only mean the ending 
Of your earthly existence
It is the death to the
Beating of my heart
For I cannot live
Without my soul mate



Details | Free verse | |

Finish Last

A hatred toward myself
a longing for the feeling of the cold hearted
no emotion 
no cares
no heartbreak
the unbelievable becomes real
a rejection burning so deep!
another night of these deadly thoughts
realizing the sad truth,
nothing I do can ever be enough
the cliché stands true…
Nice Guys finish last!


Details | Free verse | |

Moving

Moving is hard
it's heart wrenching
and miserable
packing is hard
ending a life
and beginning a new one
is confusing and seems to be 
without hope
leaving friends
and sometimes family
feels as if your heart is being torn in two
gone are all familiarities 
and anything 
that ever gave security
taking on the new
turning your back on old 
yet never forgetting it
building new relationships

to those who are moving,
don't blame those who moved you
the cup is half full
not half empty
new people await to greet you
in your "new world"
embrace them
and life will go on



Details | Free verse | |

untitled

A figure in darkness
Cradleing a small package
Trots up the stony ridge of stairs
In the night clouds cover the horizon
No stars can be seen from the gloomy street
A single lantern is lit and the only light
A woman with the hood drawn above her head
Lays a child upon the doorstep of a lonely family
She touches her fingers to her mouth
Then to the child's forehead
A tear filled with happy memories
Lands upon the baby's hand
With one last look
The woman disappears into darkness
As swiftly as she appeared
And the baby gave a cry of sadness
Then all became silent


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye

The signs came early enough for us to know, 
that we didn't have much time before you would go.
You had to quit your job and move somewhere new,
leaving all those memories behind for us to review.
We knew the upcoming months would be tough,
trying to make the best of every moment, but still not enough.
The next few months for you were somewhat a blast,
going to Tennessee with your daughters, both hoping it would last.
When you got back, you became sicker and sicker,
the doctors said that  the cancer started getting thicker and thicker.
We all knew the end would come soon, how long it would be, no one knew.
Every moment we could, we spent with you, 
Now I sit and realize how the time just flew.
As the end came near we threw you a surprise,
I'll never forget the look in your eyes.
We threw a surprise party just for you, 
inviting all the people that you knew.
The end would soon come later that night, 
as you passed away and began your heavenly flight.
Mom and Dad said that you had a blast,
those last few moments, filling the night with plenty of laughs.
As you recalled old memories of yours from the past,
with everyone there hoping that time would last.
As I sat through the funeral, and I shed a single tear, 
I would never forget the times you and I shared here.
Now that I know you are gone, 
to live in heaven eternally long,
I have come to say that I will always love you Grandma,
and I will never forget you,
goodbye "Nanaw".



Details | Free verse | |

Not Real

She is not real
On some bottle I broke the seal
Imbibed all it's contents
And now I'm pouring all my sentiments
Out onto the sidewalk
Can't hardly walk
The pavement is cool
Refreshing to this fool
I yell out her name
This is not Yatzee a game
I'm crawling and mumbling
As I try to stand; I'm tumbling
I can't make heads or tails
Of this pain sharp as nails
In the depths of my heart
I'm aching and falling apart
These feelings are worse
Than being trampled by a horse
Is it obsession or love?
I plead to the heavens above
To send her back to me
To return things to how they used to be
But that won't happen
I can't wipe it all away with a napkin
But maybe I know a way
To make it through the next day
I'll just simply tell myself a lie
Why I didn't get to say goodbye
This truth I will never reveal
She was not real...


Details | Free verse | |

I miss you

I went to see your mom today, and invited me in
She offered me a glass of tea, I asked her how she's been
She said she'd tried her hardest to raise you her very best
I said it wasn't her fault taht you've been layed to rest
Her eyes swelled up with tears, so I put my arms around her
I told her it would be okay, that God would be with you
She told me that she cries all night, and wants to be there too
I told her I cried too, everytime I think of you
That all the seconds of everyday are filled with clouds of blue
I told her that I miss you and loved you very much
I miss the way we use to talk, now you're too far to touch
I watched their every move when they layed you in the ground
I wanted to go with you, it's not the same, you're not around
I know that you're in Heaven now, watching down here from above
So until the day we meet again, I'm sending you my love


Details | Free verse | |

MidNight Condensation

I am elevated to high most unseen
the view of the heavens peaceful and serene

however I am but a man flawed in many ways
my soul battered bruised and frayed

I do but seek shelter from the heat of my own damnation
the moisture building up inside me like condensation

every waking moment is a mix of pain and pleasure
the little complexities of life that we once liken to treasure

all of me is all that is left, and is all that I despise
I see but no wisdom in my own eyes

I see no light hovering above my head
just the moist dank dark, the horror and dread

my spoils have left nothing but traces of dew
I run over to what's left to savor all that's left what little few

I am but again victim to my own demise and damnation
a fool to drown in his own midnight condensation 


Details | Free verse | |

In Case You Were Wondering...

In case you were wondering... 
I'm not okay...But I say I am. 
You just don't know it. 
And you sure can't see it. 
Cause on the outside, I'm fine. 
But on the inside...I'm bleeding. 
I fake a smile, I fake a laugh. 
Just so you can't figure me out. 

In case you were wondering... 
I'm not okay...But I say I am. 
But what you don't know can't hurt you right? 
I'm in pain, I have breakdowns, I cry myself to sleep at night. 
But you don't know that. 
So you think I'm fine. 
See how this all works? 
Your not worried, your not hurt. 
But I am. 

In case you were wondering... 
I'm not okay...But I say I am. 
Sometimes I wish I could just tell you how I feel. 
Maybe then you would really understand. 
Maybe then you would be smart enogh to know that when I say "I'm fine...Really." 
You'll ask me over and over until I tell you the truth. 
But I can't tell you how I feel. 
So you think I'm okay. 
You think I'm happy. 
Well I got news for you. 
In case you were wondering... 
I'M NOT. 


Details | Free verse | |

Thy Heart Go's Out to Thee

Thy heart go's 
out, out to thee.

For thy will still be here,
even when thou is not for me.

I want thee to know, 
That thine will loveist thou 
with all thy heart and soul.

Thy heart go's out to thee.


Details | Free verse | |

I Wish

I’m fresh out of lies
My eyes are all out of cries
My heart can’t take any more pain
And this feeling is driving me insane
I wish things didn’t turn out this way
I wish I was the height of your day
Can’t believe it turned out this bad
Why am I the reason for your sad?
I wish I could erase our memories
But I hope you will always remember me
Things got bad and went down the hole
Now the pain we feel is much to cruel
Amazing how things can change
Now nothing could ease the pain
So what’s left when you’re lost and alone?
That still remains unknown…


Details | Free verse | |

Death

Is death the end to our suffering 
Or the cessation of our existence?
Is death a new journey for our soul? 
Or is death our final eternal punishment?
Or do our souls get to rest peacefully
After a life of trials and tribulations?
Should we cry or rejoice when
Death stares us in the face?
What is death to us?
An end to our sorrow
To our pain 
To our physical imperfections
To our illnesses
To the sins that torment us
Should we fear this unknown phenomena?
Or should we embrace it?
Maybe in death we find the truth
That escaped us during our lives.
Maybe in death we can finally find freedom
To roam in a mystic realm of our own creation


Details | Free verse | |

Confused Heart

I don't know why you insist on loving me
Because you won't receive it back fully
I'm not so used to the subject
A part of my heart is saying, "I don't love you!"

You can't sleep at night because you're worried 
About me...
But let me say that I'm very important
You wont leave me alone, you're in my way
And I cannot have that
Its fine that we're friends but we...
Cannot go any further than that

But you'll have a nice life
You'll find someone to be in your life
Because I am nothing but trouble...

However you insist that love is stonger
But tell me why people get hurt everyday
It is because of this so-called-thing love
That's hurting everyone, me, and you

Just because I choose not to love you
In that way...
Doesn't mean that I don't...
Think of you every now and then

You'll have a nice life
You'll find someone to be in your life
Becase I am nothing but trouble...

I don't know why you insist on loving me
Because you won't receive it back fully
I'm not so used to the subject
A part of my heart is saying, "I don't love you!"
I don't know why you insist on loving me
Because you wont receieve it back fully
I'm not so used to the subject
So just drop it please
However you insist that love is stronger
It maybe in a fantasy world
However we live in reality
And a part of my heart is saying, "I don't love you!"


Details | Free verse | |

Plenty of Tomorrows (No More Sorrows)

       Tomorrow is another day, a fresh start.
You manipulated your way and stole my heart!
       I try to focus on self, but I'm seriously failing.
You took my emotional wealth, and now my mind is sailing.
       Drifting along, needing an answer as to "why?"
You would rewrite my song, look me in the eye and lie!

       Tomorrow is another day, a new beginning.
I kneel and pray for all this sinning.
       You dragged me down to the lowest point in my life.
Take off that crown you're no longer my wife.
       I will carry on and refuse to look back.
I'd rather be alone, I'm serious as a heart attack!
       Hearts don't break they just tend to bend.
I took all I could take now I'm gone with the wind!!!!

03/10


Details | Free verse | |

Lies

It starts with little white lies
Ever hungry, deception feeds on itself

A monster with a grip that won’t let go
Webs become impossible to untangle

Words that never see the light of truth
Bound with the silken thread of deceit


Details | Free verse | |

Lost Dark Beauty.

She so delicate of visage
Veiled in obscurity
Intangible appearances
Faceted in flowing black mists

Eyes buffering the vagueness lit
Piercing through shadow
Contained within
Turbulent metaphors of dusk

Tempting destiny uncontrolled
Splashing hot crimson 
Upon the life sparked cinders
Empathizing too late


Details | Free verse | |

My Battles As A Soldier

Streaking skyward the tracers rip
Into hanging soldiers
Falling about into mayhem
Pulsing through blood-filled ears
Hearing comrades scream
Understanding nothing
This is the war I found…

Hatred filled hardened hunter
Into smashed building
Homes pulverized rubble
Strewn about the decaying mass
The scorched metal burning
Bodies of the fallen men
The miasma of war I forever inhale…

Tigers rolling through billowed flame
Firing upon burnt battlefield blindly
Retreating in terror I leave the voices
Calling as I my boots tamp by arms
Reaching for safety I couldn’t render
Brothers abandoned in the Arnhem snow
These are the ghosts of war who haunt me….

Battle’s percussion on the horizon distant
I fade through the fields upon the Rhein
Farmhouses glow a midnight path
Walking to the beat of gun fire echoes
Off the walls of a shelter a little boy sits
Unafraid of the man feeding him chocolate
In the crater of a bomb…

This flash of hope my salvation from war.


Details | Free verse | |

Under Oath

Death awaits me on the corner
so be quick
with your
condemnation
and I shall consider
tomorrow’s charges
tangled
with today’s
conviction
and claim
my part
of
just accusation
and
no
more.


Details | Free verse | |

Nothing More To Do With You

This ends right now.
Confided in me then threw it all away
There can be no love left within me
Angerfeardisappointmentdespair
But you've lost it all now - I've given up on you.

He's got you doing I don't know what
And the rumours are rumours but the rumours are true

And if I saw him I swear
I'd smash his face in.
Could do with another outlet after all
These stabbing shrieks inside my chest
Scraping at my flesh and bone
Won't let them penetrate me

See her; who is she?
Wonder if you know her
She's everything you pretended to be
Emotionless beneath that metal
Trusting no-one still being betrayed

Who are they in the frame with her?
These strangers who casually call themselves friends
You're so stupid
They couldn't care less
Watch you stagger and fuel the habits they helped you start

Mindless idiot.
She's going to die and she's taking you with her

Don'tpiercethatdon'tsmokethatdon'ttakethat
What more can I do when you block me out?
Sleep around black out come to me for comfort
Crazy little girl, could slash you and let all the bad rush out
But then of course we'd have nothing left
And it grieves me that it's come to this
Can't stand it anymore; you're on your own you've got a choice you'll make the 
wrong decision I can't be there to guide you

Confided in you then threw it all away
Can't keep these lame promises and I know
I said I'd always be there
But I was there for you and I'm talking to myself 'cause you're dead on the inside
And it's spreading fast.

Not one redeeming feature
Could rip you apart wouldn't harm you for the world
Save you from it all leave you there for them to get you
And they won't find my girl, person worth protecting
Her and you'll be there instead already gone already dead
You all shall scream
Won't turn my head

And I'll remember you today
For what you used to be
Days that seem too far away

You're ugly now in every way.


Details | Free verse | |

Farewell


A yearling asleep 
When its mother arrived
She knew it was time
A green meadow, the best place
It was time to say farewell to her fawn
For he was a young growing buck
She wished him good luck

He would miss being 
A small spotted fawn
Who
Waits patiently for mother
While gnawing the grass
Oh, he would dearly 
Miss those wonderfully
Glorious days


Details | Free verse | |

The Evil, The Demon Locked Away Inside My Heart

What do you do with someone who has a black heart?
One so black, that no light can shine through it
What would you do to try to get away?
A potential killer, locked away on the inside
Now seems to be emerging and nothing can stop it
How do you plan on keeping, the devil inside?
You wanted nothing nice of me
Instead, you preferred…that I show you
The evil trapped in my heart…

Why does everyone want to…
See how far they can go with me? I wanna know
So can you please tell me?
Why doesn't anyone appreciate…
The fact that I try to remain sane? I wanna know
So, tell me…

I don’t fight much anymore like I used to
Just because the sight of blood excites me
I would fight to the death, if I could…
I've nearly killed a few of my friends when in rage
And a few times, little children as well
But I'm afraid of what I can do
That is why, I became an outcast…
Just to prevent such a thing…from happening again
Now why did you bring it out again?

Why does everyone want to…
See the evil, the demon in my heart? I wanna know
So, you better tell me
Why do you act like the rest of them?
Did you want to see me insane? I wanna know
Do you wanna die?

Everyone…doesn't deserve
To be treated with kindness…nor respect
For that matter, so why try?

Why does everyone want to…
Be caught up in the darkness? I wanna know
And you better tell me
I won't waste my time with you all
To me it seems that you want to go to hell. I wanna know
Do you plan on joining me?


Details | Free verse | |

Confused

Its like a new start
But at the same time, Im at the finish line
Its like I've gained something
But at the same time, I've lossed
I feel empty
But yet im full
Im sad inside
And at the same time Im happy
I gave
So that i could get
What i gaveup wasnt alot but it has a hold on me
What i got makes what I had seem..seem...unworthy
Its like I've accomplished something
But it wasnt enough
I left the old life
I've moved on
So why am I crying
Why doesnt this feel right
I dont wanna go back
but I dont wanna stay
I've gained so much
But at the same time I've lost a huge amout
I'm confused and im lost
Im cold yet Im hot
Im hungry yet im full
I dont know if i should make a left or a right
I dont know if im wrong or right
It's a new start
But im standing at he finish line...


Details | Free verse | |

My Heart Wept For Her

Many years ago my
dear mother left me
and went to be with
Jesus.

My heart wept for her,
that sad day in June,
my life was not the
same anymore.

As anyone who
has ever lost someone
close to them knows
the feeling.

Mother was the
comfort of my
heart everyday
of my life.

She taught me
about God and
how to love everyone.

She told me to never
lie, telling the truth
was always the best
thing to do.

To treat others fair
and kind, to always
say thank you and
please.

She taught me
to put others first
and my self last.

Mother taught me
all of these things,
by doing them her self.

Mother I have not
always done those
things, but I know
that I should do them.

Loving you always
waiting till that day
when I will put my
arms around your
and say thank you
my loving dear mother.

wrote 9-2-08


Details | Free verse | |

I Am......

I am a lot of things
I am a mother
I am a child 
I am a sister
I am a friend
I am someones lover
I am unfortunately someones wife
I am always afraid of doing the wrong thing and of making mistakes
I feel sooo much at one time
I feel loss 
I feel love 
I feel a burning hatred that runs sooo deep
I feel confusion of where I am going and what I am doing
I feel lost and without any understanding
I am who I am and what I am
I know I am not perfect and neither is anyone else
I am tired of being judged by my past
I made my mistakes don't want them thrown in my face
If I had not made those mistakes I would not be who I am
Take me or leave me I am who I am and make no more apologies
Love me, hate me I don't care anymore
I am tired of being nice and keeping my mouth shut
I am tired of not being allowed to be me
I am not an easy woman to love
I am complex and simple ALL at once
I want love and need love but will live without it if I have to
Take your best shot because I am.......ME!


Details | Free verse | |

Momma. I Know You'er Looking Too.

Momma you always said to me,
"babe when I'm not there and
you'er scared, look up at the
moon and I'll be there."


Details | Free verse | |

Flatlined Before Heaven

Shining in hygienic walls
  A flawlessness hollow
Stiff and gray
  On metal tables
Rested upon unkempt hair
  Recollections merge
Into torpid puddles
  That exquisite beauty
Now shattered
  Engulfed entirely
By conclusions of separation
  I leave with you
A vinyl sack damp and thick
  Sealed shut 
Superfluously removed


Details | Free verse | |

your lies, my truth.

you tell me i am precious to you.
i am not your currency.
you tell me the circumstances are beyond our control.
but i control everything,
every breath,
every word that leaks from my mouth.
you made me this way,
shaped me from wax,
using knives and tears to make scars in my form.
you tell me you have loved me,
forever,
and until your dying day.
these words slither from your tongue.
you could never have loved me,
its not something thats easy to do.
you dont care what path my life takes,
you dont know what i have been forced into.
you dont want love,
you want control.
you don't want a daughter,
you want a follower.
i have accepted that i have no mother,
that i was created by life's sick fantasy.
i wanted to love you,
when there was still a chance.
so don't lie to me anymore,
don't tell me that it doesnt have to be this way.
it does.
dont thank god for me.
there is no god.
and i am just a curse,
because i hurt you.
you preach that you have room for me in your heart, that you think of me everyday.
and i think of you,
in the morning when i wake,
and in the night when i rest my head.
nothing can ever be easy,
or understandable.
in my heart, there are only cracks
and cobwebs where you might have been before.
it throbs and convulses, refusing love.
i couldnt love anyone,
not if i tried.
not if i wanted.


Details | Free verse | |

Red Line

**********************To Beautiful... Forever on my mind**************************


I awake to such pleasantry
her beautiful face once more
I get dressed, grab my keys
and head for the front door
I try to think of anything
to relieve my mind of her
I can't get anything done
my mind is slightly blurred
she has me twisted
it's not like me,
sprung, bewitched
I'm slowly dropping to my knees

For twenty two years 
been friends
For eighteen months
been lovers
I care for her most
there is no-one else
above her

******************************

My pager vibrates
than blares out loud
what a hellacious sound
I recognize the number
her mother is calling me
is it a special occasion?
because for nothing do we agree.
She answers with a sniffle
mumbling incoherently
Beautiful has been shot
in a convenience store robbery

My blood drained quickly,
face turned casper white.
My legs turned to Jell-O
now i've lost my sight
I used whatever strength I had
whatever I could muster
I had to reach the hospital
to tell her that I love her.
Be there when she needs me most
be strong and show no pain.
Hold back my tears,
going against my grain.

By the time I reached her bedside
able to hold her hand.
The doctor said "We've lost her"
" We've done everything we can.."

The Red-Line Sounds....................................................................................................... 
..........:JP)...................


Details | Free verse | |

Inattention

time and distance unwind
unmindful of a ticking clock
as
commitment tumbles through constant years
with ne’er a thought
that 
there exists another dimension
where all possibilities exist


Details | Free verse | |

Blossom

If I could, I would
     wrap you up 
tightly
     in the softest down
blankie
and 
rock your broken heart
      until you felt safely
protected and
      strong
      enough 
to open your eyes
   and know the tears
      that soak your world
         come from
God
     to
     water tender shoots
pushing up through despair and
confusion to
    seek
    the light
that
    softly glows in your heart
    and grows a tiny bit
       brighter
minute by
hour
    until there
at the corner of your lips
a slight tug
works
    so desperately to 
          grow into
              a ~
Blossom.

Love you, my fragile friend.


Details | Free verse | |

The Gingerbread Man

We lay side by side in the summer grass,
I reached for the gingerbread man kit
And lifted out a slightly crumbled biscuit,

Taking the tube, I iced a shaky smile onto its face,
Added big, hopeful chocolate drop eyes
And wrote 'I love you' down its front,

Then I handed it to her and said,
"This is me, take care of her,"
And she grinned and bit off its head.


Details | Free verse | |

Special Moments Come Again

Moments come and go,
But special moments come again,
When the thoughts of you with me
Seem they never have an end;
As a touch brings back sensation
And a song triggers emotion,
A smell brings back the memories
As a taste triggers the notion
That we'll always be together;
What we shared will never end,
And I know that you're right there
When special moments come again.


Details | Free verse | |

Heal my Land

Rancid air fills the lungs
Causing blisters on the tongue 
My mouth is burning from speaking
                                                                     All injustices
Cancerous ways of thinking
Do they see what the world has become?
The Heavens are thick with money
No longer the symbol
of wealth itself
Canopies of greed
Descend upon me
Pay them the planet
A grain of sand is worth
More then a million dollars
The scent of a lotus
White and innocent 
Cost more then 
The car in the garage 

No longer will children be able to dream of
Painted sunsets over violet mountains
Sunrises of brilliant orange 
One cannot dream of what is only seen in pictures
There is damage that even tears may not wash away

I try to scoop up
Earth with a shovel and hide it 
From hungry pockets
I try, I’m trying, I’ve tried
 Alone
Save my world



Baby heal
My land
                                     
  

		Please.


Details | Free verse | |

Quintessence.

It is truly yours
Belonging to both
This single point
Examine and ponder it

Established once
Polished complete
By agony pleasured
Ruminate and reflect

Cite and believe it
In it’s finality
Of defined setting
Intimate and echo it

Holding on
Here at the end of all
What was there to think about?


Details | Free verse | |

Fallen Angel

As she falls she thinks
She thinks of what she did to make this happen
She was not perfect in his eyes
She is no longer pure
He expected her to be good
She was supposed to guide those on the wrong path
And guard those innocent few
She was to be a role model
But she has fallen now
She can no longer be that
She is not innocent anymore
She has been treated like a disobedient child
He has disowned her like a pregnant daughter
He refuses to forgive her
She was supposed to be perfect
She was supposed to remain untouched for eternity
The one everyone wanted but couldn’t have
But that didn’t happen 
And she has been tossed aside 
Tossed aside like ugly clothes
She let someone touch her
And for that she can never return
She thinks he has overreacted
She doesn’t see what she did as wrong
She believes it was destined to happen
But he sees it has the worst possible thing she could do
He disowned her for one mistake
But she hopes he will let her come back
Maybe one day he will welcome her home
But for now he won’t
She imagines her new life
She thinks falling will be the hardest thing
Maybe one day she will rise again
Being a fallen angel was never her goal 
But that is what she is
And until he forgives her
That is what she will remain


Details | Free verse | |

About Love

Once upon a time there was Love
Love was a fickle thing
blind at times, but true
sometimes she fell in
sometimes she fell out
but once ago she was mine
somewhere in time
i loved her back
and she loved me
underneath the sycammore tree
and Love ran away out into the world
out into the cold
somewhere in time
she never came back to me
she found someone else
someone better in her heart
i had played my part
so i am here and she is there
somewhere
over there
out beyond the starry sea
away from me
i wonder if she remembers when
the time back then
i hope so
before i go
that she remembers me


Details | Free verse | |

A Mother's End

I am unable to comprehend
How your physical remnants were found
With a stately essence of womanhood
A mother’s end.


Details | Free verse | |

A Life Lost

A dad he was to my man,
lost in a world of abuse.
Selling all he had in life,
to fund his addictions.

Digging flesh  from bone,
stabbing  bugs crawling wild.
Demons appear in torment,
beaconing him deeper.

A knife into the thigh,
sent him sickly out.
Hospital tests for all,
not knowing the truth.

Infections settle silently,
staff reared its ugly head.
Confined in solitary moments,
being alone and scared.

Stitches close the injury,
sickness embeds his soul.
Taunting images haunt him,
through every corned space.

Eyes cloud with blurred vision,
surgery required suddenly quick.
Sight saved from blindness,
doctors breathe with a sigh.

Something else has happened,
immune system has shut down.
Disease rested in his marrow,
the fight fire life has begun.

Myloid Dysplastics Disease,
fogs his body hard and cold.
Respirators knocking loudly,
asleep he has no choice.

A gasp of air was his final,
machines took over from there.
The last time we would see him,
full of any kind of life of his own.

Two weeks has gone by,
no change for the better.
Septic shock attacks kidneys,
we all seen him enter heaven.

It was a total all together,
from the time he stabbed his leg.
Four months from that day,
his end would be forever...




Details | Free verse | |

Memories

First thing on my mind
Seems to be you
Yet now it's negative
Not as positive
Even though we shared
Many good times
There were times
Where the broken heart would be mine
Memories of you
I try to forget
It seems to affect me everyday
Yet those memories
I also cherish
I don't know what to do!

All those memories
That I have of you
Are pleasant yet painful
I love you? or do I hate you?
I don't know anymore...

I know I said
I needed you
I kept you in my mind
To keep me going
But now I'm just fine
I don't need you anymore
Because you loving someone else
And playing me is wrong
All those memories
I smile, cry, get sad, even mad
Now I'm questioning
If my friends were right all along!

All these thoughts
I have of you
Are loving yet hateful
What should I do?
Can you please tell me!?
I don't know what to feel... anymore...

All of those memories...
I have are hurting me inside
Why would you do something like this?
Now I'm confused...
I don't know what to do!

All these memories
I have of you
Are pleasant yet painful
I love you? or do I hate you?
I don't know anymore
All these thoughts
I have of you
Are loving yet hateful
What should I do?
Can you please tell me!?
I don't know what to feel... anymore...
I don't know if I love you... anymore...


Details | Free verse | |

The Soul Of A Child

the soul
of the child
is forever scarred
with hurts
from years ago.
The soul 
of this child
knows not what
inner peace
feels like.
The soul
of a hurt child
wants the love
of a mother
who is only 
a dream
in her heart.
The soul
of any child
deserves nothing less
than a lifetime 
of hugs.
The soul
of the child
I once was
would rather
close her eyes 
forever
than continue
waiting for
someone to be
my mother.


Details | Free verse | |

TRUE LOVE...

It is the one I want, 
that my heart does haunt.
Even though I can not have, 
the one I hold near and dear, 
they always make me laugh.
They do not spurn me; 
all they do is make me feel free.
Though I know who I want, 
they always seem to try to taunt.
I can not have them this I know, 
I still seem to love them from head to toe.
It is for some time, 
my love I try to hide.
But now my obsession grows so strong, 
I do not know if my heart can hold out for long.
So some how my heart I must break, 
or something else my love and heart must take.
For I know them very well, 
I wish they would at least, 
make my heart hurt like hell.
Because they can not return my love, 
I will try to pray for help from above.
I truly care for them, 
so I can not go to take, 
them away from who they date, 
so now I put my whole self at stake.
Even though my love they won't return, 
I really wish then my heart would burn.
I really fear that some time soon, 
I will be emotionally ruined, 
and that to be my doom.


Details | Free verse | |

Downtime

The world continues its rotation
with or without your attendance.
It has been so since the earth cooled
and mountains and seas became.

Give it up and
check out –
to the closet corner, if you please.
Dark and soundless
singularly personal.

Sit with shoes of worn tread left upon the
path of overuse,
the scent of lessons learned and
willfully ignored.

Feel silky seams sewn with promise
brush your cheek,
now frayed and undone.

Pull your knees to your chest
and rest your chin upon the death
of desire for it all.

Let your heart heal.

Then unlock the door
and savor the scars.


Details | Free verse | |

Grey Area

You came in packages
wrapped in black and white
checkered abstract
ribbon
   knotted
     much
       too
         tight.
In spaces between
   all and nothing
lies my patient
heart.


Details | Free verse | |

Poetic License

There is a force outside this walls
trying to penetrate the security.
Things kept crashing round us.
In love you were sheltered,                                                                                                
but now you color it hostility.
Your embracing the things
that take you away from us,
But you color them saviors.
We were encircled with words
Of loving-kindness as a support,
But you now color it bondage and chains.
With what vision do you
Contort the foundation,
Of our very make up?
We must see through different eyes.


Details | Free verse | |

Dark Ramblings

Cut my veins 
Drink my filth 
Bite me 
Corrupt me 
Take me away 
Make me whole 
You are Satan’s Minion 
I am your Eternal Damnation

Give me life, give me need
Cut my wrist and make me bleed

Through these veins dead blood flows

The sins of the heart breed jealous fiends, and dark desires.  
Burning, bleeding wounds caused from blood lust and loneliness
Are the harbingers of sins of the heart.  Let me die of broken spirit & destitute heart.  
Let me die.  Just let me die.

Blood is dripping to the floor  
Feels much better, I hurt no more  
I’m numb inside and feel no pain  
One of these days I’ll empty my veins   

Kill me 
For my life Is meaningless


Details | Free verse | |

Redeath

Call
to me
   from stillborn silence
insistent intrusion
upon my sanctuary of
   absent black
sensory void
of
hateful
peace


Details | Free verse | |

An Accidental Overdose

She fought daily with the agony.
never knew when it would strike.
It affected all corners of her world
waking, sleeping, laughing, and crying.
Early one morn, she lost the battle.
Through the night she had struggled,
to rid the ache in her head.
She tried them all.
One here and one there,
still it persisted,
another, then, another.
She had forgotten the total.
The compounds crescendoed
and released an avalanche of effects.
Breathing crawled, heart decelerated
and mentation retarded.
Then all stopped.
It was an accidental overdose.
Just a girl trying to ...
stop the pain.


Details | Free verse | |

Common Sin

Sometimes you feel trapped when you are bound to someone else
You feel like breaking out but you simply cant you see...
Everyone feels like that from time to time so its natural
But that is the problem that we all face in life...

We don't wanna hurt each other
But it just gets so difficult
We wish to have everything we want
But reality is harsh
No matter...how hard we try
All we can do is hurt our loved ones
"I love you" is basically an empty phrase
Because all we do is cheat and sin
Honey...

Thought we have a conscience, we seem to go against it all the time
What does that say about everyone in general...?
Everyone is eveil on the inside though we try to deny it
But we can also do good if we would only try it...

We simply don't care about anyone else
Though we lie and say we do
We only are evil and selfish
But we cannot control it
No matter...how hard we try
All we can do is cause harm
Why can't we all simply change as a whole?
Because we all share a common sin
Honey...

We go so far low as to hurt one another
Just to satisfy our wants
We are all really selfish
But we can't help it
We don't wanna hurt each other
But it just gets so difficult
We hurt each other to get what we want
Without thinking the plan through
No matter...how hard we try
All we can do is cause harm
Why can't we all simply change as a whole?
Because we all share a common sin
Honey...


Details | Free verse | |

Death Changes

Old Death is a scar,
an empty eye socket, a lost limb.  
It has been grieved and we leave it alone
most of the time except on long drives
or sleepless nights.

New Death is a police siren behind you,
a baby crying for you in the night
in a house on fire.

New Death is bright red.

Old Death is brown.  
We can pick it up and put it down.

New Death picks us up and 
puts us down when it wants to.

New Death is a mugger in an alley
on your way home.  
Leather jacket, whiskey breath,
fear smell, switch blade at your throat.
That's New Death.  
It mugs you and steals your life
for years or forever.

Old Death is a tight uniform you wore,
you try it on once in a while.
You were drafted in the Regiment of Pain.
It doesn't fit, you don't wear it 
but you will never be the same again.
You have your memories at that private war with Death.
You are a veteran now.
But the Private Pain mellows into General Acceptance
and the poignancy turns to peace
and all New Death will lose it's sting
with time and God's help forever.


Details | Free verse | |

Un

Don’t you dare
   think
of
   leaving me with
the mess of you
to
unknow the heart of
you
to
unlearn the soul of
you
to
untie the strings of
us
to
attempt to defy
the laws of
nature


Details | Free verse | |

But Why Part of Mine

My lungs scream for air
But my throat is too tight for breath
Nobody is there to hear me cry
Nobody cares that I just want to die
No one understands the pain that is building up inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
I try to move my hand
But my muscles are too tight for motion
Nobody is there to hear my try
Nobody cares that I’m trying to die
No one understands the emptiness inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
I try to sit up
But my legs are too weak for standing
Nobody is there to hear me sigh
Nobody cares that I’m soon to die
No one understands what I’m feeling inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
I try to wake up
But my eyes will not open
Nobody is there to hear me say ‘Bye’
Nobody cares that I know I will die
No one understands what it is going on inside 
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?


Details | Free verse | |

Memories

As I sit and look at my old pictures and photographs,
My mind begins to wonder of the old good times and pasts...
Not a care in the world,
Not a responsibility at all. 
I was just a kid living a dream,
Sitting at home watching T.V. and eating ice cream.
My parents were still together, 
I never realized the pain I would eventually suffer.
I was able to go out and play anytime I wanted,
I just wish now that I wouldn't have taken the time for granted.
I could ask my dad to do anything with me at that time,
Play basketball, catch, or just spend some time...
As I take a break from recalling my old days,
I realize that there was a price to pay.
Those days were good and I miss them dearly,
But I never knew that they would be so costly.
I didn't know it would take the relationship with my dad,
To live a good childhood with nothing ever going bad.
I never knew that it would take years of moving around, 
To find a good neighborhood to settle down.
Eventually though, we found our own space,
And our lives started falling back into place...
I remember being so careless and free,
How my life was full of laughter and glee.
I had fun going to school,
I used to think that it was so cool.
Me and my friends got along all the time,
I even got along with my brother just fine...
Now I sit and realize,
That was then and this is now.
Times have changed.
Things are different and I will have to get used to them,
But occasionally I can get out a picture and remember all the good times back 
then.
Because that's what things like that are used for,
To bring back the good memories of what it was like before.




 


Details | Free verse | |

I Wish I Could Give You My Love, But I Can't-

I wish I could give you my love, but I can’t…
You may go and misuse it again…

I used to think that every time you glared, you were mad at me
But now I’ve come to see that you weren’t mad, instead you hated me
I should’ve known that you did, because after a while you changed
You don’t want to hug, kiss, or even look at my face

I wish I could give you my love but I can’t
You had to change suddenly
How am I supposed to continue to love you?
I wish I could give you my love but I can’t
You may go and misuse it again
But not I’m stronger and I don’t…need you anymore!

All those fond memories we had meant something to me
But the question is, are those memories false or real?
Why did you have to lie? Why did you lead me astray?
Either way you shattered my heart

I wish I could give you my love, but I can’t
You had to throw it to the wayside
Now that it’s lost, how are you going to find it?
I wish I could give you my love but I can’t
It’s like the breeze that blows in the night
And it’s blowing away quickly…how are you going to get it back now?

Where is your heart…?
Why is it longing…?
Longing for my return…
I have no reason to even look at you…

I wish I could give you my love but I can’t
You had to throw it to the wayside
Now you want what’s lost to be returned to you
Forget it now, it’s gone forever
You will never get it back from me
Go find someone else to torment
Because I’m gone forever on!


Details | Free verse | |

Shredded Innocence

A brisk ride with a little known uncle,
to a gathering of loved ones, reunited,
quickly turns to a journey of hell.

Torn away from her home,
she is subjected to a horrifying
world of depravity and terrorism.

On a country backroad,
with no one to witness,
her chastity is torn away,
along with ripped clothing and flesh.

Struggling for freedom, fighting for breath,
she strains against their hands.
They violate her tiny body with their own.
She screams and cries out for "Momma."
The tears flood her tiny eyes.
With no one to save her,
this nightmare is real.

Each movement brings forth more pain,
seeping to her very core.
She endures the ghastly assault 
from the demented couple, she does survive.

Back on the road, with drugs prevailing
the truck comes to a violent stop.
She runs to her earthbound savior
with wings of denim and an old red truck.
He rescues what is left of her angelic being,
kept safe until the enforcers present.

She now battles, not for her life, but her mind.
The outer scars will fade with time,
but his face and voice will haunt her
and live in her nightmares from now on.


Details | Free verse | |

The Jester.

Oh little quipster
Come dance for me
Embrace upon me
Wit and humor
Hypnotize me 
With alluring charm
Unbreakable
Fill your performance
With moments of regret
Whipped and wrenched
Upon my spirit
Do me this favor
One final time
And I shall forget
Your debt to me


Details | Free verse | |

That Untouchable

Never confessing what just seeing you does to me
Wishing I could touch your heart

I lose myself to fear and fantasy when you come near
You are the love of another

Dreaming of you often in excusable thoughts of innocence
Wishing I could touch your face

You are above me in everything at high distances beyond
And I am the coward hiding away next to you

For you are the eye of God a beauty of completeness pure
Wishing I could touch your spirit

In these torturous waves I breath deeply of your essence
Paralyzed in the perfect desire

Through the passing of days I shall ever love and desire you
Wishing I had touched your heart


Details | Free verse | |

I saw you

I saw you in a dream I never had
sitting on a bench
in a depressing slouch
face strangeld with tears

I saw you in the days that are gone
swept away in the receding tide
during the duration of a colorless setting sun
a sad song sung that day

I saw you in the tears I've never shed
screaming to break free
desspretely seeking shelter from the storm
regret stabs at a broken heart

I saw you a thousand times today
though not figureaitve
a fatigued source of thought,
conspires against the truth

I saw you in the eyes of the others
heard your voice above theirs
as I wished that they were you,
my perfect painted picture was destroyed


Details | Free verse | |

Soft Stepping

Meandering past dusk
Within my solace of dreams
Across this garden of roses and vine
Luminous and vibrant
Yearning life anxiously
Each a soft dreaming infant
Stepping amid buds and blossoms
Extolling the blushing rose
Oblivious to shoots crushed under my feet
I render innocent futures extinct


Details | Free verse | |

Silently Still

Hidden spirits motherland,
    destructions chosen horror.
Decayed barren grounds,
   ravaged territories dilapidation.
Debris leftover magnetic fields,
   crawls nuclear poisons contamination.


Ruins

           graphics

                          stand

           strongly

obscure.


Details | Free verse | |

THE ONE

Staying out late at night she is a taker of substance
with a golden tongue she speaks untruths
all with out reluctance.

Like a captured pray I dangle from her web
I am slowly being devoured
very soon I will be dead.

Where is my defender from this torment
my soul cries for mercy
yet the sorrow remains consistent

So little I would not have done
my love was true as I lay now the prisoner 
of her----- "the one".


Details | Free verse | |

Strength

Draw from pain,stress and strife.
It will help you find better ways to better your life.
You will run into obstacles along the way.
Trust in God you will grow stronger and wiser each day.
Strength comes from struggle and God keeps you strong.
Don't let disappointments make you give up.
Sometimes things are hard, bitter is the tea in the cup.
God puts nothing on us that we cannot handle.
All sadness of loss he can dismantle.
Stay strong through adversity like a soldier at war.
Survive stay strong and heal life's scars.
Do not let anything in this world break your spirit.
If you have love to give give it.
Let others be inspired by your spirit.
Remember they are in a better place when you lose those dearest.
If you have noone remember God is always there.
Strength is knowing someone will always be there.


Details | Free verse | |

You never were

You never were that guy were you?
You were fooling me all along weren't you?
I fell in love with a facade 
cause you weren't my hero at all 
You played the part well didn't you
You stole my heart like a theif
and just when I though you were for keeps
you showed me your true colors
I just can't believe I let you in so deep
you never were the guy I thought you'd be
You had me thinking you would change for me
and so innocently I fell in to your trap
Just like that. 
Now I have to live with the fact
that I let a monster in
without knowing
You never were that guy
and it all came as a surprise
but the shock is starting to wear off now
and I am better off knowing the truth 
you tried to play with my head
telling me things were different
when they were just the same
you never were that guy
I should have known
you would lie
cause you did to them
you never were


Details | Free verse | |

Just Some Highschool Math Problem

i am a possibility
of many possibilities
i am a ratio
an indecisive factor
in the rest of what this dimension has to offer

the world is a top
i spin it and predict the probability
that the end will equal the means
or perhaps surpass it
even if i never surpass this muck-up
these broken eardrums
and the inquisition of my empty head exclaiming empty words

and i don't even exist
especially to the solipsists, nihilists
and i no longer give a sh--
i am now officially some lazy apathetic prick

oh i could have been a possibility
but that possibility was so small
that you'd need a magnifying glass
and some tweezers

i am rust, oxified and tearing up
i am crust, the sh-- in the ring on the toilet
i am lust, but never just enough
i am bust

i am a loser without a leash and/or choke chain


Details | Free verse | |

'and the walls came crashing down..........'

A knock at the door, who can it be? 
Probably Sarah coming for tea. 
She usually calls on her way 
back from work to share some time with me. 
  
A look in the mirror, 
I 'tut' at my face: 
Why do people always call 
when there's junk around the place? 

I open the door - a man is standing there. 
I wish I'd worn some make up 
I wish I'd done my hair. 
It's then I spot the uniform: 

the buttons made of brass; 
the stripes that grace the khaki sleeves; 
the boots that crunch amongst the leaves. 
I question with my eyes? 

It comes as no surprise to hear him ask 
can he come in, and would I like to sit?' 
He has some rather grievous news - 
- I dread to hear it. 

I know what he is going to say. 
It's all a dream. Please go away. 
I'm not in to truth today 
I scream inside my head...... 

I know what he just said to me, 
but I didn't hear a word. 
His lips spoke out in silence, and me, 
I never heard. 

He's 'so sorry'. He gets up to go 
and heads towards the door. 
I try to rise to follow him 
but my legs will move no more; 

for they have turned to jelly and 
my head is going to burst. 
It's funny, when you're a soldier's wife, 
you always fear the worst, 

But it's only when you hear the knock, 
the knock upon the door, 
and see the face you've never seen: 
the shining boots, the uniform; 

the mouth that speaks the silent words 
the apologies and platitudes; 
'killed in action in the war" 
The widow thoughts ring clear.


Details | Free verse | |

Nimisha

In her layette, she looked fair.
‘Nimisha’,the parents called her.
When aged five,the polio plucked
The strings that her legs moved.
As a string less violin, her legs rest.
In the wheelchair, she grows up,
Along with her mother’s tension,
And the father’s anxiety.

The rustic children wish her,
But nobody takes her
To the festival
In a shrine rural.
She wears new dress,
But as the butterflies in her frock,
She also cannot flit
To the shrine yard.

Cough waves, today also, 
Shake her lungs so.
The distant drumbeats and the holy music
Move her fingers in the wind rhythmic.
The clarion does resonate and ripple
The divine thoughts in her ears.
She never knew 
Pneumonia packing her soul.

Serenity of the twilight collapses,
As,again, the drum storm develops.
Few knew Nimisha swooned.
Later,the people intoned,
“Being holy, 
An apt day it is.”
In emptiness infinite,
Her parents knew her truly.

FABIYAS M V


Details | Free verse | |

Michael Jackson Gone Too Soon (Seventh Heaven)

“Heal The World” like in Heaven A “Thriller” many believed he was too “Bad” The King of Pops “Black or White” Seven times he cried—“The Way You Make Me Feel” Then he “Eased on Down the Road” Singing: “Earth Songs” like “Beat It,” “Leave Me Alone” Now “Ben,”—he is “Gone Too Soon!” ~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~ © Joseph Spence, Sr., 6/28/09 © All Rights Reserved ~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~ The form is 7/11/7/11/7/11/7. The total syllable count is 61. The first line has seven syllables, second eleven, third seven, fourth eleven, fifth seven, sixth eleven, and seventh seven. Rhyming is optional; however, it’s a plus. Any variation of the words “seven” or “heaven” must appear in the poem. Invented by Joseph Spence, Sr., 2007. ~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~ Joseph S. Spence, Sr., is the author of "The Awakened One Poetics" (2009), which is published in seven different languages. He invented the Epulaeryu poetry form, which focuses on succulent cuisines and drinks. He is published in various forums, including the World Haiku Association; Poetinis Druskininku, Milwaukee Area College, Phoenix Magazine; Möbius Poetry, and Taj Mahal Review to name a few. Joseph is a Goodwill Ambassador for the state of Arkansas, USA, a college faculty, and a military veteran.


Details | Free verse | |

Listen to Me

You never listen
Yes I know it's true
I see you try and deny it
How's that working for you?

I will say one thing
You will hear another
I will try to fix it
The misunderstanding you see

I just got in trouble
(Sigh) I told you so
They never listen to me

They say they do 
And I know they try
But all I want to do is scream
"JUST LISTEN TO ME SOMEONE PLEASE"

All I asked is that you think
What is real?
Do I ever ask this?
Will I ever again?

All I really did
Was ask
For friend

All I want
Is to be free
Free to listen
And free to be me

Sadly though
You'll never see
Just how much your 
Not listening has killed me

I have tried
Really I did
I know that I'm not eighty
I know that I'm not nice
But the only thing I asked 
For was five minutes (at the most) of your life.

I'm sorry that you failed
I'm sorry that I tried but
Mostly I'm just sorry that
I'm not sorry,
Not anymore.


Details | Free verse | |

Agree to Disagree

                                               
                                               Mankind's greatest
                                                 accomplishment...
                                                       
                                                      

                                                      is death.


Details | Free verse | |

Purple Heart

Morning glowed, Phillip.
A purple fire burned beacon bright
against the stinging stench of napalm.

A thick thistle - two feet from your head,
wordless in speech, watched 
with dark misfortune
curving letters of prayer 
above your bleeding valor.

A crumpled martyr lying there,
innocent as a schoolboy
amidst the blare of gunfire -
asleep in our country’s eyes
dormant in the arms of an adopted comrade.

I held you - lost brother - tucked inside my soul;
nineteen and breathless.

The tears inside my empty lungs
spilled so softly onto your forehead
as I knelt in the center of August’s cancerous garden;
staring at the mud stained badge
nestled peacefully above your silenced heart.

I slowly ingested and tasted your
bullet-ridden honor, as I was viscerally blinded
by the sickening, piercing strobes
of a delicate mourning's
glow.


Details | Free verse | |

What Was And What Will Be

I cry until my entrails are laid out before me.
I watch the vultures,
My insecurities feast on my nerve ridden stomach.
I’ve repeated the cycle for many days.

My love forever stains
This sea of linens which was once our home.
The call of the sirens is strong
And resisting drives us mad.

How do I know my attempts are not in vein?
Is this futile?
The upkeep of this tree outnumbers the fruit.
I do not blame nature.
I allowed this.

As soon as I walk away you fully blossom.
I was always cursed with bad timing.
I must now focus on my own flowers sprouting
Before I plant anymore seeds.

You will continue to grow
As you always have.
And I’ll still marvel at your beauty from afar.
What a grand tree you were.

I retract my own roots and return to my bed.
I reminisce until I drift away.
Becoming a prisoner of my head.
Seeing pictures of you and me
And dreaming of what was and what will be.


Details | Free verse | |

A Flame Once Burned

It's chilly where the sun once shone,
Mem'ries haunt when I'm alone,
Bereft of joys that I had known,
My dreams all torn apart.

Scorched the earth where flowers bloomed,
The dust and ash my hopes consumed,
Hes'tations, doubts our passion doomed
Ere it had time to start.

I want in vain for solace dear,
It's dark where once the skies were clear,
When naught but what might be I feared
And the course our love would chart.

Promises broken, 
Words unspoken,
Deep wounds opened,
Eyes that cried.

Wrongs not righting,
Constant fighting,
Unrequiting,
Love soon died.

It's cold here where a flame once burned,
It's empty where for you I yearned,
It's dead and life will not return
To the cinders of my heart.



Written for "A Flame Once Burned" Contest
December 1, 2012
By: Daniel Beus


Details | Free verse | |

STILL

I have developed a temporary dislike of the things that I’ve convinced myself have been keeping you away from me. Mere substitutes that admitted to the murder of your mind.

This phone, and this 11 o’clock moon have slayed my reason’s for not just blaming your wandering eye.

Most of these nights I’ve tried Ctrl.Alt.Del.(ing) any ridiculous thoughts, by selecting all of the frequently frustrating things that know just how to push my buttons. I don’t know why I’m speaking in computer terms, but lately I haven’t been able to function quite right unless I’m near one. It’s the only way to get near you.

Most of these nights, this phone has been the entire left side of my brain, but now my mattress has memorized the rhythm to a ringtone it should’ve never been introduced to, and now the stupid cushion keeps me awake until it has made sure that I’ve felt it vibrating up my spine. My intuitive, creative right brain seems to remember being together with it’s brother each and every time I remember laying together beside you.

I wait for a wanting of your wanting. Muscle memories of warm bodies wrapped up in positions that make your mind say ‘what the ****?’ I am missing you. The you who remembers that the other members of her body are always here to help; no need to amputate a listening ear, or an gouge out an attentive eye. I still see you.

Sometimes, I forget that the phone’s main function is to send a signal of information to someone you can’t see. Whether it be via text, twitter app or vocally, you want to reach someone you can’t see. I still see you.

Sometimes, I swear I can see each of the moon’s phases during the day;  completely filled with life during the time when it’s nearly invisible. It’s sad though, because New Moon, you show yourself to everyone else except me on the nights I always expect to see your face. Is this a trick man? or have my eyes been gouged out already, and I simply missed the painful message via text, twitter app or vocally? But still, whether with two eyes, four eyes or no eyes, I still see you.


Details | Free verse | |

Grandma

There's not much to say.
I knew her, know some things,
but certainly not all.

I know how little she put up with fools,
how her cooking surpassed so many others',
how simultaneously sweet and hard she could be.
I know about her smoking,
about her jewelry, her faith,
all these I'll hold close to me.

Every single spark, every star,
shines with such a glow, such a marvelous radiance,
that we can't gaze too closely at it,
lest we cause ourselves pain.
And yet, despite ourselves, again and again,
we do;
because it's not within us to resist
the sheer beauty of it all,
of stories and of life.

A bouquet of tulips for you.
We all miss you already, Grandma.
I miss you.
I know Heaven's got you, taking no guff as always,
making sure we're all doing alright.
I love you.
Andrew James (McGillicutty) Sprouse


Details | Free verse | |

My Mother was like a Rose

My mother was like a rose
beautiful at sight
frail to touch.

She could stand up
and say her mind.

She needed love
I feel like she never got any.
And that’s why she withered away
like a rose.

Her heart was pure,
her soul made of gold.

She’d rustle in the wind,
and hide when cold,
much like a blooming rose.

Day by day
a petal would drop 
‘til nothing was left.
She was the dying rose.

And as each day goes by
without her sweet melody,
I tell myself this:
I must not cry that she is gone
but smile,
she was here.




Written by my 10-y.o. daughter Payton


Details | Free verse | |

leaving August

        Leaving the last days of August
          memories of the sea waves crashing 
        Tides that leave shells broken to find ~
        
        picnic memories ~
                      fireworks night 
                             Birthday cakes sparkle ~

    sunburns under a sage kissed dessert Moonlight 
         The Summer reminds us of happier days
             scents of coconut oil and lime 
        
            reminds us all of what is yet to come ~
              
              The rain comes down hard
          crying for all souls lost and left behind

             The birds fly in perfect form 
           reminding all of the September storm 
             
           begging for history not to repeat ~
 
                 ~   In war 
                        no wins 
                            only defeat ~
 
            two beams of light straight to the Heavens   
                stay through the whole month of September
                   they remind us to listen silently we stand still 
          
          For the city lives and breaths left with loss 
                    many questions unanswered remain ~
                  
               Leaving behind August
                    entering Septembers fears ~
               
                          
                             



 I love this poem because it reflects on the past and the coming month in remembrance of history that took place September 11th 2001. In a way it is a oxymoron . from passionate summer nights to the fear embraced in the month coming :)

                    



Details | Free verse | |

Empty Chairs - Oklahoma City Bombing

A deluded and deranged miscreant.
Rode in a rented Ryder truck,
Sadistically opposed to his government,
He delivered a two-ton bomb.

After parking the fateful vehicle,
With time fleeting and fuses lit,
He fled to his car,
Parked, not far away.

Hearing the explosion, he made his escape,
With a gleam in his eye.
One hundred sixty-eight victims died,
Leaving countless loved ones behind.

April 19, 1995,
A date that lives in infamy.
The guilty one was caught that very day,
And eventually paid his life for the reprehensible deed.

The Oklahoma Ctiy National Memorial 
Now graces the ground
Where the Alfred P. Murrah
Building once stood.

A lone American Elm tree
Survived the blast,
A symbol of resilience,
And the will of mankind.

Hopes of closure for the victim’s families
Followed the perpetrator’s death six years later.
But closure will not fill the empty chairs
Left in the footprint of the building.


Details | Free verse | |

The moral road of combat

They stood amongst the ghostly white powder-
As it sloped around them casting that of a dusty spell 
There was a pure peacefulness left lingering-
So evident in the footprints gone by
And those empty matchsticks that waved in the winter breeze 
Such a lonely place in a state of hibernation 
It was hard for me to remember the landscape as it was 
Now the still coldness captured that once frisky green meadow-
Now a thing of the past faded into an auburn retreat 
And somehow I enjoyed the solitary of its splendor and change 
My breath blew a tracer of the warmth from inside me 
As my biting nibble fingers praised the caress of my gloves 
I felt the movement inside my boots as my feet pushed me forth deeper into the snow 
A time to think, and maybe approve the uncertainty of loss 
Past the fallen limbs that were once a thing of strength and refuge to some 
A part of me fell from my eyes onto the ground into a frozen icicle-  
Till they could find the nothingness once paved with the rocks that divided the land
Now I sleep with a secret of yesterday and confess my failure to no one 
The roots of my broken heart will again floorage and cultivate greatness 
And I will become a land of abundance and determination and be born-again 


 


 



Details | Free verse | |

Solitary Confinement

I'm concerned now 
with only solitary things

the stinging course 
of an unwiped tear
and a small blonde curl
wrapped in plastic

 
never lengthening


a fleeting smile
forced from cheek's hollow
its laughter drowned in a meandering brook 
that doesn't babble

 
just drifts aimlessly

 
to where a leafless tree seems
to haplessly scrape its bank
in unwelcome companionship

 
I find I prefer the dead blue of skies


to the changeling grey 
where too many shadows wait 
for aching recognition

and I know I'll never sleep again at night
because I can't censure with my eyes closed

 
nor control my emotion's line of sight...



Details | Free verse | |

MY FATHERS HANDS

MY FATHERS HANDS

He the man known as father, worked a common man's labor,
Never did this soul complain, even as his last breath inhaled,
On earth.
Daddy's little girl was I, the apple of eye, one might say,
The sparkles pride that lit up his spirit and made the pain
Of hardship melt away.
Calloused, and blistered, he earned every marks blemish,
Strength's scares were worn in my fathers hands. 
Deeply engraved within the living embodiment, 
Of truth and honor's pride, I'll carry him within me
For the rest of my life.
This mountain of a man I called dad, placed these
Tiny feet upon the right path, and even when I did
Stray he stepped in and led this wayward women
Back.
In heaven's grace he'll be watching over me,
Always and someday no doubt, we embrace once
More, and those loving hands will lovely hold this
Child now grow, and I'll know again his eternal warmth.
In blessing's grace, may the angels watch over thee,
Until we meet again, on the distant shores of Nirvana.

BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN
CONTEST WITH THESE HANDS
12-20-2013
VISUAL #5


Details | Free verse | |

A seed of love planted in the soil of my heart

I sailed unaware into 
the ocean currents 
of her life:
and 

smitten, I 
desired to ride 

them with her;
somewhere 
along 
the ocean ways, a 

seed of love 

planted in the soil of
my heart had taken root 
and grew--only to perish 
like 

a young hope 

that's fleeting:
though I loved her, 
she 

still wounded
me 

like a careless 
knife. 

In spite of 
this and myself, 
I looked 

for encouragement
in her stare; 
and 

at the outlines 
of her graceful 
form 

I did wonder: 
she was 

indeed 

a Helen of Troy, a prize, 
on whose loveliness 
I 

so richly gorged! 

But never was 
a lonely man 
more wretched 
than 

I was, 

as she could 
not return my
affections  

with equal measure of feeling.  

I would be more
glad had she been 
unwedded to another,
and   

could easily be within 
my desirous 
and
jealous 

orbit! 

In time, I 
never 

saw 
her again;

and love, or the 
appearance of it--like 
an aborted 

fetus

flushed down the 
toilet--died 

with her parting 
as well!



Details | Free verse | |

CONFOUNDED - S,Jagathsimhan Nair

CONFOUNDED    ( COLLABORATION )


by~ S.Jagathsimhan Nair

When tension grips and the head reels
In its ever accelerated twirl
When two rays dangle from two flayed poles,
And the dumb loss of a moment’s truth
Looks so conspicuous and an eminently
Forgettable lapse of an inoffensive world
When the gentle genre to which the slamming
Of an ever open door in the face of
The rare perspicacity and purpose shown
By a soul, a land and a generation belongs
Looks so commonplace; when the benign
Visitor’s countenance does indeed despair
And crave a black visor above the originality
Of its expansiveness and the staggering degradation
Of its vitality; I have this great ache’s abundance
Stirring in my cupped palms, held out in supplication,
Till it rests, for an ever lasting understanding
Ever in the vision, ever into its aftermath.


by~ p.d.

The "aftermath" of any loss seems to consist in any form.
An aster plea subsiding every look.
Behind glory behind redemption~ 
Giving rest to the velocity speeding force
Creations of fantasy and religion and imagination
I paint the skies with my fingertips, to feel the mass
The world trembles at the knowledge of relativity.
"I sit in displeasure, injecting every generation into my veins!"
New born babies, born into this puzzled abyss. 
Bewildered minds accepting stupendous addictions.
A poison to taste every sunrise, 
Forbidden tongues baffle the night 
Mental representation, stirring up conflict 
Foiled toes to hold and worship.
Steady vision behind these eyes so confounded.


a collaboration with* S,Jagathsimhan Nair

my collaboration contest


Details | Free verse | |

Still Here

I wake up,
Feel the heat of your body beside me,
My heart beats 
You are here.
I stir,
Reach out to the warmth
That was you
Your smell lingers ,
Coffee and toast fill the air.
My heart beats
You are here.

I open my eyes ,
Slide my hand into a new coldness.
Wet on my pillow,
Screams from my mind,
Remembering-you are gone.
I am still here.
I turn my face from the day
Wrapped in shrouds,
Just waiting for someone
To nail down the lid.
Why should my heart beat? 
Without you 
I don’t feel-here.

I am aroused, 
Feel a force from within breaking free.
I beat the air with my fists.
Pound out my hurt, 
Curse your name
You- you- oh why why
Did you go and leave me 
Still here. 

I awake,
Birds sing. 
It’s a new day.
The empty space beside me now familiar.
You are gone 
Yet once again my heart beats
-Still here-


Details | Free verse | |

Find My Place

For awhile, I thought I had.

New love. 
New dreams. 
New smiles.

Letting go, the small things that hurt.

They are tiny compared to past, trashed confidence.

Never quite finding my true place in the equation.
Maybe the answer is stuck in some ugly , frothing  math book, somewhere.
If so, I won't look there.
Why bother.

I am made of heart.
My only thinking muscle.

Whether beating with joy or pain,
it's beat is reliable.
Consistent.
Safe.

My only true measure of my own reality.

Even broken, it is less painful than letting it rely on misguided thoughts.
Feeling lost, while watching agendas, that seem to be the norm.

Other people's norms..........not mine.

I will never understand the meaning of "self first".
I have lived my life for others, since the day I cried at birth.
Abandoned.

My birth, an inconvenience to a womb.

My existence, to make a childless couple happy.
A friend, to soften the blows of life for the masses.
A Mother, to succeed and fail.
A lover, to give and give and give.

A spirit to fly.
A soul, to yearn.
A body to tire.

Watching simple selfishness, destroy our world.
Reaching with an open, soft hand.....just to so narrowly miss, sharing a loving 
touch.
A touch, that might have saved a sightless and misunderstood, silent innocent.

We stay in the background.
We have been conditioned by our own experiences, our own shortcomings, our 
passive tears.

A balance, perhaps?
To keep the equation from tipping over the universal rhythms?

I feel it.
Heavy, with doubts of belonging.

Wondering how the self absorbed agendas of the stronger minds, stay crisp.
No illusive smudges.
Never wilting.

No room for throwing the afore said agendas, into the hammock overviews, of a 
rotated picture.

Find my place?

I'm probably on a list, somewhere.


Details | Free verse | |

Here and Gone

There comes a time when one must step aside.
Leaving bits and pieces of their heart behind.
In life everything may not be what it seems.
For some it is a lesson they still must learn
Memories will be left of sweet words spoken.
Love and friendship was always freely given.
The voice only heard in the poetry they wrote.
A chapter of life has now been forever closed.
"Free Verse Writer's contest" Sponsor "Nathan" Written by: Carol ~Sunshine~Brown 8th Place Winner


Details | Free verse | |

Love, Death, and Rebirth

The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Her father. 

Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.

She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left 
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too. 

She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before 
And growing darker day by day 
But she wouldn't let that stop her. 

Suddenly a year had passed... and then two 
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
Anyone...

With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries 
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light 
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand

The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives 
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.

She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
It would.

So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself

She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it 
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.

That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late 
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.

She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared,  and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying

Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn

Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!

And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here

So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?


Details | Free verse | |

Losing pieces

Oh, how I miss the dead…

... the softness in their voices
That I cannot recreate,
the warmth of their silence
Where now only cold remains;

And I know, oh how I know
That they are long gone
And I have been long removed
From those fuller times
But still, when I feel around my heart
I find that it is missing things
Parts long lost and dearly missed,
And I sit here feeling fatally incomplete
And I know-  that I can never be whole again.

But I still miss the dead,
And I miss the times
When I never knew
That I would live on
Missing the days when I was whole…

-So I still miss the dead
And the times when I was not hollowed by loss
Living every day with a lighter heart
So far from the times
 	when I would never be whole again.

And now, so far removed
from fuller times,
These few missing holes
they let in a chill wind
And somehow, these missing holes
they leave my heart heavy
And I know that it will grow heavier yet,
But I dread
That when I am lost
I die not just incomplete
But empty-
	Empty of all I could yet lose.


Details | Free verse | |

The Autumn Affect

There's something unspecific about the autumn nights
A certain shade of color that uplifts my inner child's eyes
Beside a cashmere moon Venus and Jupiter shine bright
Complimented by a sea of blinking infinite twilight
The scent of burning oak lingers in the air from home made fires
Reminiscent of a time when this man was just a child
Careless and so free to dream and any dream to live
Like feathers floating across a field carried by the wind
As a gentle breeze blows through the leaves shivering delightful gloom
Unlike flowers of springtime the disheveled autumn vibrance bloom
Leaves crackle beneath my feet along the skeleton tree path
Where I try to find my peace or a song to make me laugh
The air is so much crisper and also soothing when I breathe it in
Underneath a starry sky and brighter constellations of Heaven
Amidst the trail I pass a lovely couple holding hands
While their children run aside frolicking in a playful dance
An old man and his wife admire the view from a wooden bench 
With smiles on their face as if nostalgia is still their closest friend
Its these specific autumn affects that bring me sorrows and joy
Reminding me of all theses things Ive wanted as a man since I was a little boy 
Its times like these that I wish I wasn't always so alone
Because I would light an fire with my family and call it home


Details | Free verse | |

A FEATHER IN FLIGHT

As the bird flew in the swirling wind
Up and down the crests of trees
A feather (or two) could not resist
And off it went with the swirling air.

On and on the bird flew, on and on 
Aimless in freedom the feather flew
On and on it flew, in the twirling wind
Till it soared above the crested trees, lo!

Oh, does anyone know what I feel out here?
Does anyone care what I do way up in the sky?
Does the bird know that (solo) I took to flight?
Will the bird remember and retrace its course? 


Details | Free verse | |

If Old Men Fought

An old man looking out his door,
gaze fixed on a distant shore,
reminiscing to a time, not of happiness,
or, the prospect of a bright future,
to when he was sick to his very core,
to when as a youth, he went to war

A time before infallibility had meaning,
patriotism and bravado the craze,
the future was still unknown,
vigor for life at its all time high,
a time for romance, partying, buying,
no thought of pain, deformity, dying

Too young to understand or question,
ship to foreign shore, medals abound,
will impress the girls next time in town,
sacrifice not temporary,
forever more,
a legacy etched into a wall, few will remember,
flesh shredded, burned, torn,
families mourn

A time, when he willingly went to war,
will happen no more,
all lost in youth, now unrelenting,
no blind obedience,
minimal risk,
long life, his number one ambition

As he turns back from the door,
he thinks of the youth,
here now, soon no more,
lessons never learned,
the call to war,
to common the roar,
complacency the mood,
another generation removed

The old man agonizes
over what was originally not known,
war is preventable,
life too precious to waste,
the solution simple,
his vision, maybe too late

Send old men to the front to fight,
arthritis, heart disease, poor eyesight,
let the youth enjoy their life,
his near over, its only right

Send old men, to the front, to fight
ask them to give up their life,
patriotism and bravado, still alive,
will and desire would not last the night,
old men do not rush to death in their twilight,
failure inevitable, the old man smiles,
knows he's right

Wars not possible,
if old men, are sent to fight


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Hearted Cheater

She stays with her unfaithful guy
The way she was raised the reason why
Living with and loving him for half her life
He in return gives her a life full of strife
She asks herself does she love him still
But, knows in her heart she always will
Her vows she honored till death did they part
Years later her unfaithful guy died of a broken heart



Entry: This Contest~~~ It's Up To You

Written by: Carol Brown
1st Place Winner

Entered this poem in P.D.'s contest because it seems the sponsor I had written it for 
thought it needed worked on. This does happen in life but maybe I could have explained it better.(I worked so hard to get the message across)


Details | Free verse | |

The Breakup

Waiting. The minutes groan arduously.
Somehow, perhaps – my heart fails to beat
with the rush of your momentary attention.
Perched precariously on spikes
Flesh colored, yet artificial – 
Manikin fingers, fidgeting.
Mournfully drenched in factious apology.
Our eyes meet briefly, then dart with bashfulness,
Choreographed precisely. 
Words uttered repetitively from wine stained lips 
Fill the tortuous silence – hesitantly.  
Your hollow ghost memory, porous and unsubstantial.

'We can work at this, ' you finally choke
An unfamiliar innocence, grasping -
Your voice childlike in its simplicity.
And for a second, I recognized that old stranger. 
I muster a skeptical nod – and smile limply, dismissively 
Fingering the rim of my glass. 
'And deceive ourselves with promises made before?'
I winced with audacity – impatient of your feeling,
As the words ripped your heart out clean.
You clear your throat in an effort to speak -
Those words never did surface...
My acid tongue, an all too familiar indulgence.

I raise hesitantly, your gaze fixated as I shrink.
A tormenting embrace, clothing saturated in your scent
Sodden with tears unshed.
Humoring your touch with finality – 
An unspoken understanding sneered behind the mask.
Face taunt with incomprehension, as sorrow squeezed out the substance.
I avoid the depths of my black dying heart, defiantly.
Anemic with reluctance – I usher the door
A smiling parody of phantom reminisce -
Poisonous and seductive. 
An enormous tear got away,
As you lay fragile and broken – bereft.


I’m sorry.


Details | Free verse | |

oddly proportioned

The idly wild emotion 
of a wind-worked wailing wall, 
four-wards high 
and five feet thick, 
impenetrable they say, 
impregnable by design, 
as lugubrious as any ocean, 
if the seas are as melancholic 
as their brininess suggests. 
He would scale this wall. 
He would walk to freedom, 
for walking had served him well. 
Frail of thought 
and free of features, 
an oddly proportioned 
practitioner 
of the practical and plain, 
his form belied his fate, 
for he would 
meet with beauty, 
and to beauty 
he would sing.


Details | Free verse | |

The Train

She’s walking past the tombstones,
Just came from her mothers grave. 
As she passes the last stone, 
her hand graces the top,
A chill shoots down her spine.
The wind is blowing her hair in every direction,
While the leaves dance around her ankles.
Tears are rolling down her cheeks.

She’d just been talking to her mother for hours,
Longer then she ever had before.
She explained to her mother how her life had been tumbling downward,
Her boyfriend for 5 years had just broken up with her,
When she thought he was going to propose.
Her best friend since kindergarten had just embarrassed her,
in front of everyone.
Just to take her spot as Queen of the School.

She hears the train coming.
She’d been looking for an escape,
An escape of her sadness, 
Of her embarrassment,
Of her LIFE.
And here is one, just being given to her.

Without even thinking,
She runs onto the tracks,
The engineer slams on the breaks,
Honking the horn all the while.

She grabs her phone out of her pocket,
Begins to text her father.
Just 5 simple words.
that will mean the word to him.
I’m sorry, I love you

She looks up at the stars shinning down on her,
then at the lights on the train.
She just keeps on staring, 
Without even thinking,
Her mind goes blank.

The horn is honking, 
While she just waits.
Her mind is beautifully empty,
While the train comes closer.

She stares down at the train from above,
While is halts to a  stop, just 100 metres away.
Her lifeless body now mingled with the tracks,
Just lays there,
Motionless,
Breathless.

She begins to regret, 
what she had just done,.
Her father wouldn’t be able to go on,
Her sister would be scared,
Her mother, if she were alive, would be ashamed.
To take a life, let alone your own, 
Is a crime, that can never be undone.
There is no punishment great enough,
To serve justice.

She wishes more then anything to just turn back time, 
To just erase what just occurred
To pretend it never happened.
But this is not like a simple fight with a friend,
Or a bad relationship,
This can not be erased.
Death is not that simple.

A bright light comes from above, 
A sudden rush of relaxation shoots through her,
Calmness surrounds her.
And then she lets go.
Her soul floats away into the night sky,
And it’s over now.

By Sierra Cowan
Written the Summer of 2009


Details | Free verse | |

Untitled IV

Yea...I am upset
Ticked off to say the least....
TIME!!! 
A real great friend you are!
ARrrgggHHHH!!!
I am just....cho...
sad.
TIME...TiMe.........(sigh)time....
what's your reason this time?


Details | Free verse | |

Now Finished Poem

Wondering if it’s an omen, finding the box in the attic today?
A treasure trove of memories into our lives
This piece of paper upon which I started to write a poem
I remember at the time I could write no more as I grieved

Missing you as each day goes by and wishing you were here
I know you are in the ever loving arms of our Lord
The Lord sent you down as an angel on loan to us
You were called home dear and we were not ready

I know we will one day be together again
Waiting for the day we will be called home also
Now the poem I started to write to you is finished
Our time together will come again my daughter and 
never end

Written by: Carol Brown
 For The "Treasure Trove" contest of Linda-Marie
1st Place Winner


Details | Free verse | |

The Bride

Not with the longing of a bride,
But with the trepidations of one 
Who is bought and sold,
I wait behind half-caste shadows
For one I have seen but never known.

Today I have come of age,
And I will discover
What my sisters already know.
Perhaps one day I will be grateful
For the choice that has been made for me.
In any case, it is of little consequence.
My body must become supple at his command
For fear of retribution.

The old women tell me that I was bred
For this purpose and, since I am here waiting,
I can find no fallacy in what they say.

At dusk, my mother washed and braided my hair
And rubbed me down in scented oils,
All the while extolling the virtues
And pleasures of becoming a woman.
She spoke quickly, but not quickly enough
To disguise the tears I heard beneath her words.
And because I could bear her sadness no longer,
I feigned a look of anticipatory delight.
When she grew quiet, I knew it was time for me to go.

And so,
I am here waiting for the heavy footsteps to come
To take from me that which I thought was mine.


Details | Free verse | |

Like a thief in the night -Thinking of September 11th

Another morning I got up and my thoughts returned here. Just wanted to put something of
the memory that lingers still today from scenes we saw of September 11th.  Scenes we would
like to but will never and should never forget.  I do not wish to cause further despair to
anyone but if anything bring some hope to those who are suffering safe in the knowledge
that they have the world behind them.  What has happened cannot be undone but with
strength and assistance from those who had the core torn from them as the horrors unfolded
and they watched on in disbelief we can be there for one another.  We can make sure the
memory of this tragic affair lives on, and in doing so help keep our own souls alive and
kicking... in hope all was not in vain, but that we shall learn from it and let the
promise of peace win through.  My heart and thoughts go out to all.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It doesn't matter today
if we build a building of immense height
like North and South towers of World Trade Centre
even if to use as defence system
just as we would have built a castle on a hill
in times gone by - times have changed
New buildings and memorials will now stand
in recognition of who/what was on said land
Their memories will always continue
as will the vision on t.v. all did view
Where minds stood still in disbelief
while strike after strike we all felt grief
Where tears were shed by billions of eyes
War was declared with no defence in skies

It doesn't matter today
we most probably wouldn't even see
as our enemies approached
Like a thief in the night they came
stealing from us that most precious
those whom we loved or cared about

What matters today
is that for all eternity history has been made
Times we cannot change
Broken genealogical lines gone forever
Marks made on the landscape - irreplaceable
Never can anything stand for what was again
Humanity and psychological effect remains
We may not all have lost those known to us
but we stand together shoulder to shoulder
Encircling those that remain
Knowing each one of us had our soul torn
Our eyes darkened by Hells darkest Angels
When none could believe that before their eyes
Planes came crashing through the skies

Out of ashes a phoenix, a nation arises
and with it the world reawakens
We will not sleep but remember
A tragic time when so high a cost was paid
with unknowing souls now recognised
What right to take such brave innocent lives


Details | Free verse | |

Fragile

Zerbrechlich/ Fragile/ Frágil

Augenblicke zerrinnen 
in Einsamkeit,
zerbrechlich,
Hauch des Zweifels,
zerbrechlich, 
wie Meißner Porzellan,
vergangener Tage.


Hingestreute Gedanken,
verloren in kurzen Sätzen,
Vergangenes ausgestreut
und vergessen.
Zerbrechliche Zukunft,
lautloser Horizont,
Meeresstille im Windschatten.


Vergangene Tage,
zerbrechlich wie Morgentau.
Gegenwart aufgeschlagen
im Buch der Stille,
Tagträume,
vergessen im Abendrot.

----------------------------------------------

Moments dwindle
in fragile isolation, 
a touch of doubt, 
fragile,  
as Dresden china, 
of past days. 

Strewn thoughts, 
lost in short sentences, 
the past scattered 
and forgotten. 
Fragile future, 
silent horizon, 
calm sea in the lee. 

Past days, 
fragile as morning dew.
Presence opened in the book of silence, 
daydreams, 
forgotten in the afterglow.
--------------------------------------------------


Momentos disminuyen 
en soledad,
frágil,
en un tono dubitativo,
frágil, 
como porcelana de Sajonia, 
de días pasados.

Pensamientos esparcidos,
perdido en frases cortas,
el pasado esparcido
y olvidado.
Frágil futuro,
horizonte silencioso, 
mar en calma a sotavento.

Días pasados,
frágil como el rocío de la mañana.
El presente abierto
en el libro del silencio, 
los sueños del día,
olvidado en el anochecer
-------------------------------------


Fragile
Momenti diminuire
da solo,
fragile
in tono esitante,
fragile
come porcellana di Sassonia,
dei giorni passati.

Pensieri sparsi
perso in frasi brevi,
diffusione scorso
e dimenticato.
Futuro fragile
orizzonte silenzioso,
mare calmo sottovento.

Tempi andati,
fragile come la rugiada del mattino.
Questo aperta
nel libro del silenzio,
i sogni del giorno
dimenticato nel buio



Details | Free verse | |

Blood Drips From Walls

A scream stretches out into the night
A desperate call heard but with guilt ignored
An echoing beacon of another battle commence
As neighbours run to their bunkers to escape its call
As blood drips from walls

In separate tombs
Two children wait in line
Hoping and praying they won't reach the head this time
Dreading what raised voices and familiar shouts will bring
As they desperately hide beneath timid sheets
That had always failed to provide cover they need
As blood drips from walls

A mother throws herself into the line of fire
Desperate to protect her kids from his fists full of anger
For she knows if she's not there where next he will turn
As her blood drips from walls

Plates, cups, glass become the bullets
In a battle for the kitchen door
Whilst trapped inside for now her children's safety she is sure
As blood drips from walls

Drink the finger on the trigger held
Cruel words the shrapnel that went so deep
Every punch of his fist the mighty bomb
That tempted fate to end this once and for all
As blood drips from walls

The excited barking dog
Becomes the friendly fire
As her arms try to block the punches
The dog bites into what he doesn't know
A scream of pain for a moment sets still time
As blood drips from walls

Two children shudder as the ambulance pulls up outside
The flashing lights a breeze of hope dancing on their bedroom ceilings
Just maybe somebody might come and take them now
Guilty in their selfish need as they feared for their mother loved
As blood drips from walls

But as they drifted into exhausted sleep
Freed for a night from his rage as he sat and feared losing all he controlled
In a hospital room their mother retreated into a lie
Surrendered all of them to many years more
Because more than she feared the war
She was terrified of the loneliness from losing his love
Believing every time he told her you're not good enough
As blood drips from walls


Details | Free verse | |

The thaw

tiny drops of water cut through
 folds of refuse
 laying dormant in the 
crest of spring 
where fissures of melting ice
retreat.

I lay sprawled against the top sheet 
Eyes fixed on the tempered glass 
before me 
drawing circles with the 
heat from my breath.

The yellow light, daunting, 
and new, creeps slowly 
aware of the struggle ahead
 
Winter's refuse marks its ground
at times, forcing the sun back
tucked high in grey skies.

The yellow light  rebounds 
stronger this time
awaiting winter's demise.


Details | Free verse | |

Star

A radiant star climbed down from the heavens,
Planting virgin feet on hard ground,
Waiting for the crowd he knew would come.

But when it came, 
The crowd was blinded by his brilliance.

Angrily, it drove him behind a high, wide wall
Where he remained for some time,
Planning his escape homeward.

But the wall crumbled 
Beneath the weight of graspy hands
That  reached out 
To dim the luster of a light 
They could not understand.

To shine brightly, a star needs 
The protection of a clear night sky.


Details | Free verse | |

You&Me

You&me
it's like that song:you and me together...
it'll never happen
you go on with your cap on
thinking no one ill see what you wright in your little black book
no matter what you do or wear 
every one can still tell your in love with me!
i know but do you?
think about it
it'll come someday


Details | Free verse | |

Kalpana-w

I was standing in a queue at Mumbai Airport
And there in a parallel queue a stunning beauty
Our eyes met, the faces were quite familiar 
As we graduated same year from the same university.

*Kalpana, the vision of my green salad salad days
Never had even a dream I will meet her like this
Boarding the same British Airways air vessel.
We travelled together, talked for the hours.

Discussed and debated our hopes and dreams.
I was headed for the British University for further study
And she, the exponent of Kathkali dance for Albert Hall
We navigated each other’s mind, body, and the dreams.


Before the aircraft landed at the Heathrow Airport
Promises were made, dreams and hopes were shaped
Standing together with hand in hand at check-out queue
People running here and there in chaos hearing some rumor.

The vision gone and I standing alone in the Airport.
Even today, waiting for the vision lost in the turmoil.

Dr. Ram Mehta

* An Indian name of a girl meaning vision or image
========================================
Second Place win in:
Contest:The One Who Got Away sponsored by Thvia Shetley


Details | Free verse | |

Murderapolis Streets, Claim Two More Young Heartbeats

Native, Liteskin, sun kissed
smiles
sit, talk, get to know me 
a while
for I am not my skin and 
even though the tan pigment
runs deep
I am my heart, thoughts
and actions,reflection of
company
I keep
A car accident took
my Homies brother this morning
and as we sit and talk to him
now, through faded room mourning
Young man, stole pop’s keys
from sleeping pockets
joy riding with friends
headlights beaming, MN
summer star sky gleaming
Dad's unaware, boy & friends left
 till woke, by early morn’ meeting
God opened the skies and took
two good ones away
I felt it rained, clouds crying briefly
for them today
70 miles an hour, Murderapolis streets
took two good homies heartbeats
jus’ a mile away, a close
friend heard the tires screech
Driver yells to him, “get a knife & cut me out!”
Neighbor, like doe eyes in headlights
filled with doubt
ends up dying after all
at the hospital
down 29th Ave and McKinley St.
Two of the Five Souls involved
God, now, does keep
I recall seeing the drivers smile
less than one week ago
why Mista Watkins & White Jr.
was it yo’ time to go
your loved ones may never know
We don’t always understand
the Lords plan
but He surely knows
heartache and sorrow
is how July fourteenth does go
two significant young Southside sons 
at 3:30 am, drove into a utility pole
crushed glass ridden streets
two homies, with us no mo’
I pray Jesus be with them
and theirs
as they grieve, and friends
surround them with the love
they need
car accidents & tragedies
like these
close to home to you
tend to place things in perspective
defrost a persons mind
set it into view
cuz’ its not about the color, of
your skin, or where you came from
it’s the way you impact the world
in the end, who you’ve grown to
become
the lives lost, were good peoples
Stood for good values like Church steeples
vibrant athletic youths of the future
barely 14 & 17, gone too soon
I hear the sad, cry, lonely night of our
Loon
Murderapolis streets, claim
two more young heartbeats
you will forever be remembered
and loved, keep an eye on us
from above, we know you’re
in a better place, were all running
an impossible to win race
for we all have a time card to punch
under the Lords undying grace
your Influence and charm, young men
is locked within us
Safe
and we shall all party again
in the Kingdom of Heaven
our final resting Place

7/15/2010: R.I.P.- Patrick Watkins (17) & Duane White Jr. (14)- South Side, Minneapolis, MN
you are forever loved and missed, but not forgotten, watch us from Heaven, Amen


Details | Free verse | |

Media play

Visions of pain and despair, with horrors of daily life 
forced upon the masses through modern 
windows of technology.

These images burned into the minds of the 
innocent millions of sinless victims oppressed 
by today’s tools of extortion by society.

Images so powerful and prolonged within the
 soul, they’re toxic to the mind and body 
causing you to purge the evils through 
pure emotions.

Some images affect the world with disasters 
to unbearable to fathom, with hundreds of 
thousands sent to the after life, with walls of 
water surrounding Gods hand picked for 
life after death.

Sinister images seem to over power the exemplary, 
and moral images seen through out time as noted
 in the calendar with December sixth, and September eleventh, as countless 
human beings were visited 
by Death.

Weapons of mass destruction sought through
 Fat man, and Little boy, that devastated
 a country, with the might of the suns power, 
in a blink of an eye solely designed to kill 
and destroy humanity.

Images of hope so easily forgotten within major 
catastrophic events, as the media has a part
 so intrusive to this equation of corrupting 
the minds of millions with the craft of deliverance 
through modern arts of technology.

Society eats and devours this information 
with greed and voracity like army 
ants to its pray.  


Details | Free verse | |

Relinquish

November-a-drizzle on that west coast grey
not far from the billowing factory plumes
where weary men and temp-clerk ‘girls’ 
punched the clock to buy more time
in the Dewdney Trunk trailer court

Holed up against that wintery veil of certain loss
they buried their growing vulnerability 
beneath the slow rise of abandon, trembling 
on bated breath and beaded sweat and 
sweet scattered lies, that 

Perennial harvest rooted-deep in whispers 
what if? what if? if only?
they’d planted truths in that hard ground
like we mattered—
any cost less than this
stark expanse of springless regret 


Details | Free verse | |

GROUND ZERO

GROUND ZERO Today as I stand here, With your name engraved not just on stone But in the hearts of millions who thank you For not letting them cry, I feel proud that it was you… We wish you were here, There’s not a day we don’t think of you. There’s not a minute we don’t miss you. But we’re glad you ran into death So that a thousand others could walk into life. It was not your duty, You weren’t meant to be there, But you took it up, Did what you had to do As a citizen of the global world. The little ones will never know What a wonderful person you were. But they’ll always know that You were a hero… How you died for the greater good… Tears, grief, pride, longing - a blend of everything. Its been ten years, ten long years But the memory’s still fresh and cutting. It still hurts to know That you could be here had you stayed back. But you didn’t and that’s made you a hero. You ran straight into it While a thousand others were running away. Your death is history…. Millions died with you But you stand out ‘coz you made your choice. As I stand here, I know that a decade ago, today You were here somewhere, Running into a cloud of dust and ashes Searching for the smallest sign of movement To bring them back to life. Somewhere between the despair and hope You forgot to breathe… I pray every day that History would rewind itself Back to that fateful September morning, Not because I want to hold you back… But because I want to come with you… It would have made a difference. I know it would have… I know you’re with me In my dreams, in my daily life Laughing at my blunders, Guiding me through hardships. My guardian angel… On this September morning, Not exactly the same as before, Here I am telling the world That my twin brother died Saving the victims of 9/11.


Details | Free verse | |

On A Lonely Bench

Sitting on a lonely bench,

Memories got me blenched,

Your heart I tried to clench,

Though, the rains got me drenched,

From hearts I needed to entrench...

 

Your words not retrenched,

From things I wanted to bent,

While you often tended to bend,

Without letting me mend...

 

You, I tried to fend,

You borrowed and erased te times I used to lend,

Manipulated and used by you,

Pretending to be a friend...

 

From hallows I scended

From errors you descended,

My life wished to be attended.

Even though, you got me expended,

My hands were still extended,

Even though, you got me offended...

 

The times I misspended,

You still condescended me,

Though, the changes were about to be impended,

I was still amended,

And I was still intended...

 

But, I was not comprehended,

Even though, you were condemned and untamed,

While I was aimed to be blamed,

Still, more thing you wanted to borrow and gain...

 

Although, this is the end,

The ways, I will paint,

For the pains to get unbended,

As I contemplate nature and life,

With memories that swayed and portended,

As my soul slowly transcended,

While sitting on a lonely bench...


Details | Free verse | |

over and over agin

sometimes i talk to myself, 
my mind is racing,
i dont know what to do...
so hard to explain.
depression isn't a stage
or a faze some kids go through
it shatters you...
i saw it all. 
she cried silent in her bed,
blood stains covered her favorite jeans,
her every shirt,
long sleeve ofcourse...
she suffered through it all with few people to call friend
and more to call enemy
even more to say where quite dissappointed....
FAT
her first name in school,
not started by a bully
or a mean rival,
but by her sister, 
and it echoed through her soul,
repeating in her mind... over and over again,
like the ripples of still water
when a pebble is dropped
flash frozen in time
repeating,
over and over again...
It was the first name they gave her,
millions where created over the years,
some unique
some repeating again, just as the first had..
gothic they called her,
emo, fat, ugly....worse things.
but in her mind, things where worse.
everything was repeating,
over and over again,
finally she believed it. 
she asked for help, from everyone
tried to explain to parents she wasnt well,
got called a psycho for asking to see a theripist,
not from a teacher,
not from a class mate,
but from her own father, who wouldn't, couldn't,
believe there could possibly be a thing wrong....
finally, crying, she confessed her bloody secret to a teacher.
rather then giving her time,
she is sent back to class crying her eyes out, as if she wherent going through enough...
she is sent to the principals office a few minutes later, after breaking down in class...
the princlipal says she needs help,
sends her and her dad for a risk evaluation,
her dads crying as she shows him her cuts...
they walk into a hospital room, 
it smells of chemicals and hand sanitizer,
the lady at the desk gives her a smile.
then she goes into a room with a lady,
her cheeks are sunken in and shes wearing way too much makeup,
the girl is gaging on her perfume,
and she looks really intimidating....
her dark brown hair looks dead and flat
even though its a bit wavy, 
and she wears somewhat of a mocking frown.
asks her all these questions,
is mommy beating her?
no
is daddy raping her?
no
is she doing drugs?
not alot
is anyone beating her?
pass...
did anyone molest her? 
pass....
oxcarbezapine, trazadone, citalipran, clinazapam, colonipan,
valium, lithium, more.......
and thats what they gave her,
more... 
some numbed the pain
some brought it out
tearing through her organs,
she became an addict by the time she was fourteen....
over dose after over dose
some for pleasure
some for pain,
gashes on her legs getting deeper,
this time she didnt tell a soul,
not even those she had come to call friends....
wakeup she screamed in her head over and over again
as she dropped weight like it was nothing....
you cant controll it she argued as things became worse. 
at age fourteen she attempted suicide,
she didnt quite succeed.
the medication took away her aappitite....
she liked it
she hated her body
hated herself
felt out of controll
found a new way to cope
as she shoved tooth brush after toothbrush down her throat
to keep her body from nuitrients...
as she whent weeks and weeks spitting food into napkins and making excuses 
I ate at my friends house....
spoken as a whisper
heard like a sentance
echoing in her mind over and over again,
along with that word, all the words,
FAT!!!!!!
ugy, anoying, stupid, fake, worthless, nothing...
one bite she would say
rocking back and forth
craving nothing but food
her body racked with hunger pain
one bite and there she was again
FAT!
over and over and over again
back to a toothbrush
this time she sees blood
she saw her ribs
she saw her bones,
it wasnt good enough,
she almost died, again....
choking on this deep dissappointment in herself,
gaging on everything they where pushing down her throat, 
their words, and their insults, their criticism.... their drugs
all shoved down her throat like candy
and just as she was was trained to do she swallowed despite the bad taste
or the hurt
or the fact that at the rate she was going she would be dead soon...
and you know why? 
because daddy yelled 
and couldnt accept what was happening
not because he wanted to hurt her
but because it hurt him,
and she let him believe,
because she could take the hurt if it meant he didnt have too.
because mommy didnt want to sit in her room all day
smoking weed
doing nothing,
practically having us raise ourselves,
she didnt mean to take anger, or frustration or hurt out on her daughter
she suffered everyday in her solitary confinement,
and from a young age she accepted her bedroom was the cage
 her mother had created for herself.
because sister didnt want to effect her the way she did
she was just frustrated
fed up with the way things where
scared, she needed someone to take her cruelty
and to help heal her pain...
because people in school
who where so cruel
had to have learned from somewhere
and she wasnt going to play into their games,
and they knew she was an easy target
because she would never attack someone so weak
and she accepted her suffering was a sacrafice
to help all these people....
to help her dad,
her mom,
her sister,
every person who was beaten abused or hurt
 and felt so weak at home they wanted to feel strong in the one safe place they had.
because depite the fact she had died inside,
and almost passed away on the out,
it was a saccrafice she was willing to make
so that no one else would have to feel that kind of pain,
and they all inflicted it and broke her down'untill there was nothing left but a shell
of somthing that could have been
and never had the chance
and why? 
because she would take it and wouldnt strike back,
because sometimes "just taking it"
isnt so much about the weakness not to do anything
but about the strangth not to hurt others the way they hurt you...


Details | Free verse | |

April's Angel

Sister, you left me without saying goodbye
And lived your life in a wink and a sigh
Born in the spring with a short season to give
I lost you in the fall leaving a long winter to outlive
 
You taught me love and held me close in my grief
I'm wishing we had never put our faith in false belief
Nothing could harm us as we sought out love
When you were gone, something I could barely speak of

I miss your presence even more today
On your birthday, this Easter Sunday
I have only to hope and pray
And wonder about the woman you would have become
Lend me your strength not to succumb

To sadness, yet whisper to me to go on and grow
So I carry you with me wherever I go
You're there in my dreams and never really apart
Now you can finally take flight and know heaven's heart
You are my April angel that will never depart

 


Details | Free verse | |

The Greatest Gift Given

15 years old.
It was a brain tumor, they’d said.

Holding past the current;
undertow of reality slapping
my fragility cold –
(steel bars won’t hold water –
movement always finds its way)

O’, how the lies twist!

Twist like the dusty branches
on an old, gray apple,
holding appraising rooks 
from another’s waking nightmare.

Suicide, they tell me now.

A menagerie of years too late.
Oh…and by the way,
he’s not your real father;
your real father was dead to you
the moment he found out.

This guy’s just The Black-Maker –
(mother stealer; innocence taker)
a mass of dark waiting to fall;
waiting to burrow beneath light skin
(so dark, even the sun lost hope)

exponentially surrendering -
stuck on repeat.
The temper of blood lost, melting
my thin ice –
can you sense the coiled, un-leashed?

Like a waking May snake
tasting the indifferent air for the first time 
since snow;
out of its burrow, and striking 
its own skin ripe;
bleeding my vinegar still, sweet;

distilling a wicked brew (a science
experiment gone bad)
until the steel breaks
and every molecule of unoccupied space
is reduced to motes; unseen in the shadow
of its dying host.

A ticking time-bomb:
Sex, drugs, drinking – all manner
of loose cutting;
memory re-making, recapturing of
her long dead ghost, exhumed 
from its protective bed
of lies –

and how that double edge twists
to this day.
Only now, it twists in wind through 
my reclaimed space.
The sign across my chest reading,
OCCUPIED, instead of
SPACE FOR RENT.

37 years old.
It was suicide. This I know –
lies all told. But,
it was also her greatest gift –
her young life tolled; my life,
paid in full through the tears of time.

(dried up like an ancient river still baring 
the scars of once was…)
From one parent to their child,
the gift of life remains the greatest gift 
of all.

Nothing was ever taken from me.
No…only given -
un-leashed; un-bound; un-coiled.
My own struggle baring weight -
her wrongs come to my light -
I am the Light-Maker now,
and as straight and long as the journey
from one star to the next; and the next, and on.

I have stopped fighting my past and embraced it.
Thanks to all, (life/her/them/Him)
I am learned and open as renewed hope
from the heart
of God.


*For Michael's Un-Twisted contest. This is part of how I un-tiwsted what came to me twisted; 
how I un-did my knots, and gave thanks for those knots instead of trying to fight them.


Details | Free verse | |

The Namib

If your love was like the Namib;
Mountainous and bare,
Would you dig deep for water?
Would you scour the ridged crevasses there?
For something that moved,
Within and without,
Trying to remove, any and all doubt.

If your love was a deserted plain;
Parched and dying,
Would you search in vain –?
Weather-worn, beaten, sand-blast hewn;
Pecked by vultures – circling,
Stung by bees – swarming,
Gouged by the horns of a great Wildebeest;
Devoured in the jaws of a mighty hyena,
cackling, with delighted spite at your plight.

If your love was arid;
barely breathing,
Would you imagine
A mirage of pelicans, seething,
Pink to the horizon, hungry and feeding.
Could you still dance to the silvery moon,
Sway and kiss the Milky Way, and swoon.
Could you make a sand castle stick;
Or would it fall through your fingers –
Quicker than quick.

If your love was a desert;
Would you hide like an ostrich, in fright
Or, chatter like a baboon,
through the night
Would you roar like a leopard
Looking for it’s spots
Or fight like a lizard
who knows what’s what?

If -
Your -
Love -
Was -
A-
Desert -
Cast in Stone.
Deserted,
Desolate,
Designed to destroy;

Would you lay down on the scorching sand; 
To wither and die.
Or mutate to survive – why?
Would three raindrops;
Dew-soft and honey-sweet
licked from your skin
Make a river that flows, 
wide, wider and thin

If your love was brittle and dry;
Would several clouds in a clear bright sky,
Make you cry, allay your fears,
Or bring you to your knees.
Would you rest on a rock to renew your will,
Would emptiness give you impetus to fill?
If the suffocating heat of relentless rejection;
Stifled your breath,
Would your mind be plotting,
an early death?
Would you quiver like a zebra,
Stampede like an ox,
Sting like the scorpions tail in a knot?

Or - would you 
Soar away like an eagle –
across the skies;
Coo, coo as a dove perched on high.
Find an oasis calm and green,
And squat like a quail, soft and unseen.

Think about life, and it’s true meaning.
Be still, patient, accept;
That glorious seeing.
An open field;
flower-filled and breathing.
Life lived in a reality of beauty and feeling;
Hung out boldly with the stars,
for the dreaming.

Forget about love;
lost in the desert;
The impressions and depressions,
of the changing landscape.
Blood, shed from wounds;
in the Valley of Death,
The fire ants have taken,
to their beds.



Details | Free verse | |

Hear Her Screams

none of us
will see the next century
none of us
will see the next dimension

why should we care?

but they feel it
the empaths,
the watchers, the light,
of creation 

its coming, change
on broken wings,
it flies past
as the world
peels off her layers.

she reveals herself 
to be in torment 
and we parasites
go about our
everyday life

ignoring her screams
for our mercy 

so if I the poet?
can draw attention
to her plight

I will scream
I will curse
I will burn effigy of
every god known to man

its time to notice
its time to take action 

So I scream 
a thousand poems
and cry a million tears

until the wash 
of my sound
can be heard


Details | Free verse | |

Glisten in the Moonlight

Your glorious emerald eyes 
Glisten in the moonlight 
Glisten in the moonlight 
Delight dances in the water
I watch it joyfully
You are set free from the cage...
You're like a dove soaring in the sky
You are the rain...
drizzling down in ecstasy 
A hint of ecstasy is shown in your reflection...
When you caress me... I'm relieved... 
From the stress that forced me in chains
I knew we'd be on the brighter side of tomorrow 
We're glistening in the moonlight 
I knew we'd become candles in the heavens above us
We're glistening in the moonlight
For a moment, I felt your presence...your radiant with sympathy 
I saw at first glance the dark side of you
Tonight, we'll be together and fly through the horizon 
We'll watch the sunset say its last goodbye...
We'll wave a greeting at the moon! 
We glisten in the moonlight...
What if I was as handsome as the lion...
Roaring with pride and pure courage
What if we were glistening in the moonlight?
Would it bring health to our bones tonight?
Would it make our heart rejoice and overflow with delight?
Would we be able to survive this horrifying plight?
Would we be shimmering like a candlelight?
We're glistening in the moonlight... (6)
Ohh...yeah...ooh yeah...ooh yeahh...
We reach to the stars and hope we can trace a shooting star
I feel the coolness run down my fingers...
We're glistening in the moonlight
You're the dandelions in the fields
You're the gorgeous view that I marvel at everyday
When you kiss me, I live my dreams
We glisten in the moonlight
In a quick moment, I sense a feeling of endless renewal 
I roam inside of your illuminating maze 
Glow on... sunshine... 
Glow on...sunshine...
Glisten in the moonlight...
Listen to the truth and rub it in
You are ravishing like the sunset
But you're ascending while I'm descending
I feel extremely guilty
I wish I could glisten with you in the moonlight
You're glistening in the moonlight (6) 
Ohhh yeahh... oohhh yeahh... ohh yeahh
You're glistening in the moonlight (4)
We go our own way
I wish we can glisten like the moon
Glisten like the sun 
There's a dream concealed inside of me...
Reveal your light and pour it upon me
You glisten in the appealing moonlight
While I'm subsiding... you're fulfilling your dreams
Of gliding across the horizon 
You're independence... keeps on scorching with satisfaction
While I'm below you... 
Your emerald green eyes
Stared me down like a hawk...
Your emerald eyes
Gaze down at me genuinely...
I wish we could flee together in reality...
That could be a possibility
To glisten in the moonlight in glee
We were glistening in the moonlight (3)
But that was only a dream...
I'll pray that it turns into a reality
We were glistening in the moonlight 
Now, I've misplaced my delight...
Will I ever experience such a brilliant night?


Details | Free verse | |

The Last Thing I Remember

“Anna, put on the shoes your dad gave you.” I obeyed.
He had given them to me for my birthday before he
Was taken away.  I haven’t seen him since that day.
But, mom tells us that we’ll see him again someday.

Melancholy had masked my mom’s face all morning.
My brother and sister sat on their bunks with sorrow.
It began to run and grow down their pale pastel cheeks 
As mom somberly told them…

“Your sister and I are going away, promise me you’ll
brush your teeth and always pray.  Peter, you take care 
of your sister, you’re the man of the house now.  It’s not 
that bad, oh my beautiful babies—don’t be sad. I love you!”

“Let’s go!” as the guard pushed me and my mom.  She picked 
me up and placed me in her arms then harmoniously 
hummed my favorite bedtime song.  Then, we walked into a chamber.
She said “Close your eyes” and that’s the last thing I remember.  


Submitted for Abe’s “Leather Voices” contest


Details | Free verse | |

Blink

A ship in a bottle…
that is who I am –
Never truly being able to sail free,
 trapped in melted silica.
How I yearn for this barrier to be shattered,
if only to ride the waves,
reaching then touching shore,
which happily tickles their feet...
Better yet, what I would give to be that sand.
How ironic that I put myself in this situation,
with only distorted images as my view.

 
She frolics in that vermilion dress,
as he happily makes footprints.
She shows him how the crab skitters past,
and they mimic its sideways walk.
The sun shines with them,
as the sea breeze dances along…

 
I hear their laughter,
but it is hollowed out
by the silent screaming waves of my heart…

 
I watch their happy scene unfold,
but my vision is blurred
by defiant tears that don’t dare fall.


I blink.

And see them clearly now…
They have moved on
             without me.




10212011


Details | Free verse | |

Doors

Il vaut mieux- as there was nothing.
None knocks at the door, as I don’t knock more
A horse doer, escaping from the stable
I penetrate a place then dropping from the window
Humming – hawing,
Rushing,
Sighing,
-In a far bench
I count the stumbling words, trailing the weakened tongue

Il vaut mieux- as there will be everything.
I come looking for incision to run away
The scattered papers, I let go
Trying another iron or wooden door
I’m crazy about wall’s hole
Joyful,
Sorrowful,
Lustful,
Our relation is like railway lines
We meet underneath the pressure of changing the course.


Details | Free verse | |

Burn Victim

What happened?

I bolt awake, the heat of the fire 
Still burning in my brain.

Oh, it was just a dream.

Or was it?  I look at my skin, 
Realize it’s black and bloody all at once
Cracked, peeling.

I sniff, 
The whisper of smoke still in my nose,
My hair.

A tear rolls down my pitted cheek
As I remember, like I always do,
After I wake up.
Reliving that night.

The last thing I remember,
I was
Home, entwined in your arms
(your fingers were entwined, too, in the hair I’m stroking now).

The heat between our bodies
So strong, that I pushed you away;
I regret it now.
(I just wanted a little space.)

Because the heat then became suffocating, consuming,
As you rolled over and said
this wasn’t the same anymore.
I couldn’t breathe.

Soon, I was sweating, 
100 degrees and climbing,
as you got up and packed your things
then left the room.

The slam of the front door
Was the catalyst.

My heart was the match,
And I the fuel....
 I exploded from the inside out-
The flame ripped me open,
My skin started to blacken and smoulder.

Stop drop and roll?
They never taught us what to do
In a human inferno.

In desperation, I laid there on the bed
You and I shared
My tears nothing 
but puffs of smoke 
as they fell uselessly upon my skin.

The tears I’m crying now
In the hospital bed
Remembering
Are no more productive...

But my dear friend sitting next to me
Who pulled me out of the flames
Is there to dry them
And to console me

Telling me I still look beautiful
the wounds will heal
And that you aren’t worth them anyway.

I now know what I have to do 
once I can leave this place.

Months later,
My burns have closed, now only scars remain.
I walk up the street to the house you and I once shared,
Now only a pile of rubble.

Picking my way through the charred remains of our bedroom,
A curtain scrap there, a chunk of headboard there,
A stray blackened sock,
I stop, and kneel down in the ashes.

I begin to sift through the ashes, the memories, with my finger,
Both erasing the past,
And bringing it to life all at once,
Until I have found it.

A blade of grass.
One.
Standing tall, strong,
And unapologetically green.

In the middle of the ashes,
With the ruins of our life together all around me,
I delicately clean the area around the blade of  grass 
with my finger, and

I smile.


Details | Free verse | |

Butterfly Wings

Reach through the glass to where
A thousand suns ripple in the rivers of your hair



Reach through the glass to where
A garden of roses blooms in a moon beneath your eyes


Reach through the glass to where
Earthquakes resounding chaos reside in your quivering lips

Reach through the glass
	As my clouds begin to roll away
To where my raindrops danced on the tongues of gods bowing at my feet voracious starving
dogs quenchless and subservient ignorant and blind as their worlds crumble and fall and
every ancient star and dancing horse in the night sky collide with the invisible walls of
futility and I trample on all and nothing in a spiraling cataract of silver water and a
silken spray on a butterfly’s wing fluttering the childhood fields of yesteryear and
evermore forever young in brilliant dance immortalized in wheat and dirt and wind and rain
and I stand defiant!


To where my fingertips can reach no further. Butterfly wings in fields of concrete.

Bland.


Details | Free verse | |

Carrie at Cafe du Monde

Her voice was soft on the telephone
She had gentility, like the part of the city she once lived

We talked of tragedy and chicory coffee
My friends had told me the situation was still grim

I asked her of Galatoire's and Brennan's
Of the Ninth Ward, and of her home

While I, pining and homesick, sipped coffee the color
Of the mulatto Mississippi River. . .

So polite and patient she was
For one who had lost everything





Details | Free verse | |

spilled ink on a perfect verse

This isn't the time to run away

Nor is it the time to hide

they say "use your whole heart

and take a dive"

 

I forgot the past  while I  lay in your arms

you partially held me

became my blanket for the meantime

I swam in you and you in I

threw caution to the wind

I didn't think that eventually I'd cry

well I knew I would eventually cry but my brain

and my heart hadn't made it that far yet.

 

I forgot about the boundaries

and entered unchartered territory

I went places that I shouldn't have gone

because I desired you more than anything

you occupied places in my heart that

should have been left alone

but I unlocked the door for you

and here you'll stay forever

 

I still get shivers when I hear your voice

And your energy makes me feel like I'm a boss

you see the thing that attracted me the most

is that you picked me up when I was lost.

I fell into you even though I knew the cost.

Now my heart will always be thirsty for you.

Like damaged hair it became porous.

 

I don't blame you though. And surprisingly

enough I don't even blame me.

We saw a chance to steal a goal

but ended up stealing things we couldn't keep.

For a moment I owned the property,

even if in secret. But the bank took you back

and put foreclosure on my feelings.

 

Now I'm left scrambling here and there.

I gotta roll my sleeves down and brush off

these lingering feelings. This isn't going to be easy because

 I will still be me and you will still be you. Its like trying to get

away from a walking advertisement as big as the ones in times

sqaure advertising someone whose perfect for you.

 

But that reality is unreal so I put one foot in frount of  me

and slowly start to move.....




Details | Free verse | |

Keeping The Watch

 
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
                                                                                                                              
Somewhere, there is a walled garden behind an iron gate, down at the end of a lonely road where many stones lie, side by side, etched deep with heartache, pain and years sharing the earth with dried-up tears ~ Where whimpering trees, brown grass, and weeds are thirsty in the breeze for recognition ~ Motes of dust glitter in sunlight fluttering between the falling leaves, reminding no one, of those who rest here ~ Where dust to dust ashes to ashes are old words carried away by the winds of time ~ Long are the old memories sleeping here, covered by moss and wet rusty leaves Shadowed by movements of each dwindling year ~ Yet, keeping a vigil, is the carving of stone Praying, and watching so they won’t be alone One exquisite statue…with quietude’s love Wings of an angel, that hovers above A carved granite angel silently gazing Like a mother, who watches over children who sleep She’s biding to comfort gray shadows that weep Empty eyes staring, forever she keeps
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````


Details | Free verse | |

To my daughters

To my girls
I want you to know
That I see you
As equals on every level
Not just my daughters
My little pink princesses
I see you as young women
Powers within this world
With oceans to offer
A lifetime still to learn.

Live your lives
As though I was still with you
Be free and fearless
For you can see
Life is so short
Take all opportunities
And shape them to your dreams
You have all the tools
And I will be watching over you
Be good to one another
There are only two of you
The strength between sisters
Is a bond for life.

Your analytic minds
Will help you make good decisions
Fair and just rewards will ensue.
Your radiating hearts
Will gift you many friendships
Maybe special love
All in good time.

You will never be alone
For you have a deep sense of self
This will be fortified
With my passing
Your feet firmly planted
Will serve you well
Balancing the ups and downs
because that's how life is.
Always be true to yourself
Life will be true to you too.
Do not mourn my death
I am not going far away.

My illness has progressed
My time is nigh
There is a greater plan
One we cannot see
But we have had a great life
As mother and daughters
Our journeys together
live on in our memories.

My loves
I will hold you safe
In my heart
Now and forever
I will always be with you.


Details | Free verse | |

Poetic Robbery

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Free verse | |

Black widow murderer

Unwittingly sucked in
entangled within lifes cobwebs
poisoned wrapped and saved for later

Until satisfaction for hunger is needed
preyed upon with slow satisfaction and pride
despite the deceit and trickery of enticement

Faced with soulful persecution of honesty
reality and truth to be lost forever
whilst deceitful one is admired

Displayed devouring of specimen
No trial nor retribution, let others fall fate
alas before finished – destiny will strike

Poor black widow will choke
own untimely death from own grip of life
suffocating truths stifled now smothering


Details | Free verse | |

Forever

A certain kind of forever passed by today –
It was coiled up and corked in a bottle,
And as I watched it ride the ripples
Of the clouds in dank sky,
I sat in wonder –
 
I thought about the gripping restlessness –
That forever would eradicate,
The funnel of emptiness
Engorging my heart,
That forever would calm –
 
I contemplated, deliberated and toyed –
With the notion of that forever,
Out of grasp, out of reach
Enlarging my need,
Oh that timeless forever –
 
I watched as that forever passed by –
Caressed by the glass of antiquity,
And as it rode out of sight
Into sky’s vastness,
My wonder throbbed –


Details | Free verse | |

Mourning

Empty lockets
dangle softly
from crooked necks--

dappled granite
faces west
where the sun sleeps--

whispered prayers
linger quietly
as a child weeps.




Details | Free verse | |

Virginity

Today I decided 
To bring company 
To my mandatory session 
Of therapy 

I hope this poem 
Doesn’t offend 
Anybody who decides 
They want to read 

This topic may be a bit 
Touchy or confusing to some 
Who like to sit and pretend 
Or play dumb

What if you have never 
Had control over loosing 
Your virginity 

What about the girls 
Who had it taken unwillingly 

What about the chesters 
Who plot times and wait 
And resolve to touch 
And never penetrate


Should a girl call herself 
A virgin 
Even if she doesn’t feel like 
She still has her virginity

What about the boys 
Who swear in secrecy 
To the archdiocese and priestly men 

What about the girls 
Who are sold into sexual
Slavery 

What about the family friends 
Who take prizes from children
Too costly for them

What about the moms 
That remember in infancy 
The horrible atrocities to great to tell 
Of things that happened 
To their precious baby girls

Someone needs to invent 
A new definition
 For virginity 


Details | Free verse | |

Chief Warrior Eagle

Brave Indian warrior
Sitting alone in the woods
In the soft glowing light
Of a low hanging moon
Shining on the mighty river

Brave Indian warrior
Playing the flute
The forest comes alive
Animals waking from slumber
To hear his melancholy tune

Brave Indian warrior
Deep in thought
The music lets him escape
Taking his mind of things
And focusing

Brave Indian warrior
Reflecting on the past
Thinking of all he did
All he could do
All he should have done

Brave Indian warrior
All alone now
Concentrating
Drifting away
Into exploration of the mind

~~Written By~Brittany Larson~
For Constance's contest ~"Tell His Story"


Details | Free verse | |

Bleeding Rose

red streaks run along the
edges of the white petals
like the ones that run down her arms 
trickling slowly down the stem
and to the floor 
like the tears she sheds every
second of the day

the red stains upon the
leaves unwashed 
the red stains upon her fingers
untouched
red stained carpet and
red stained cloths

a jacket worn at all times
a black jacket covering the scars
red puddles left behind
and a bleeding rose


Details | Free verse | |

Chicago

The Coke Makes The Vodka Smell Different,
Tingles The Nose and Makes Me Feel Ensickened.

Eighty Eight Tiny Hammers Striking String, 
Softening The Hit of The Liquids Infusing Nature.

                                 - What's Chicago Like? -

Maybe One Day I'll Go There, Liquor Myself Into
A Necessary Courage and Find The Elusive Amethyst.

My Amethyst Amidst The Ashes, That's What I Called 
Her, The Perfect Mould For Every Future Entwinement. 

                                  - And My Amethyst She'll Stay -

Forever My Muse of Unbridled Perfection, The Chords She
Created With Her Sweet Voice Were Raw and Beautiful.

Her Voice, Seemingly an Allegory For Her Physique and 
Demeanor. Clumsy... But So Willing To Love.

                                   - The Ease of Creativity -

My Beautiful Forgotten, How You Have Facilitated The
Emptiness of This Man, My Lolita Incarnate.

Your Nymphet Spark of Eccentricity, I Can Still Feel
Your Heart Beating Against My Chest While I Sleep.


                  - Chicago is The Center of My Hell -
                    - A Hell I Should Make My Home -







Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye My Friend

Sometimes you must take a second look.
What you might've seen may have been written in a book.
The memories, the truths.
The starlight, the booth.
We took pictures of that day.
That day we were okay.
But today is anew.
Everything we've been through.
Thrown away like a wrapper.
Blown up like a sapper.
Every thing you've said a lie.
The lies flown into my very own eye.
One day I will, we will all die.
Don't cry.
Flourish the past.
Embrace the future.
The world keeps turning.
The sun keeps burning.
Whether you're there or not.
Look at what you've got.
Money is just a virtue.
That you should've knew.
What do you have when the world keeps turning?
What do you know when the sun keeps burning?
All gone. All gone.
Have you enjoyed your life?
Did you apologize to your wife?
Did you say I love you to your kids?
I mean god forbid.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
My friend goodbye.
It's been a nice trip.
I'm sorry you had to slip...Away..



Details | Free verse | |

Wish to Reverse the Time

How I wish to reverse the time and kiss you beautiful eyes.
Hug you very tight and never let you go..

That voice of yours that made me shake and fill me with passion to love you more.
I miss everything of you.
I miss even our differences.

Even when you would get after me, i knew it was because you cared and you loved me.
You wanted what was best for me.

Now Im alone, all Alone.
I wish to dream of you every night and see you precious eyes seeing me once more.
I miss you.
I love you.


Details | Free verse | |

Why I Cry

I was crying tonight 
I thought I had survived the pain
I know I was lying to myself
Holding back the tears
Pretending that life had moved on
That I had moved on
As the the night drifted to dawn
I found so much missing 
Then I pictured him
The image was so clear
My mind wandered back to the nights we shared
I felt his hand upon my skin
I saw the reflection of the moon in his eyes
I felt the happiness that lived in each moment
With him I felt whole 
My life complete
Without him 
Emptiness engulfs me
Sadness overwhelms me
I am lonely
Not for my lover
Not for companionship
Not for the man
For my best friend
I am lost
I look around and realize
This is not where I belong
This is not where I should be
This is where I stay
I ask myself why I stay
And though I can make a list of reasons
They are all excuses
Words that mask the fear
The fear of failure
Fear of more heartbreak
I know how disappointed in me he would be
And that is why I cry


Copyright © 2009   Lena “Lolita” Townsend


Details | Free verse | |

Beautiful Curse

As the world continues,
the stories continue to unfold,
my heart breaks,
though I find peace within.
As another unknown soul comes to an end,
an unnoticed tragedy occurs,
while the rest of the world moves on,
tears take control.
It's a beautiful curse,
empathy for the unknown,
tears falling because no one else will.
It seems if a heart beat ends,
another person becomes a victim,
the youngest to the oldest
are mourned for inside.
Though none of it makes sense,
and unnecessary tears can be a curse,
ultimately it's a beauty I've learned to hide,
it's a secret,
a beautiful curse that can not be denied.


Details | Free verse | |

In control

Path of trod packed gray snow
berries on trees around its edges grow.

Fine drawn tails of branches bared
bud less 
against a sky that covers sun and high clouds;
over this place lost in time.

Shrill yet sweet bird song adding to my sense 
that certain things are best not experienced alone.

Mind elsewhere I slip
my boot twisting down and under an exposed root
leaving me half sitting and cursing.

Having done its work
in delivering thoughts of you 
it frees my foot.

As I cross Lovers bridge over the rushes
with my newly acquired hobble
I find myself playing with a thought ..

is it better to believe I am strong
than to try to love? 



Details | Free verse | |

Everywhere

You are good for me
My baby
I am you, but the you just never ends
Looking down the puddle of muddy water
I see your troubled face
Instead of me, I tried to save you

I fly up to the sky and I am surrounded
By beauty, beautiful clouds and the blue
Snugly and warm in knowing
I am looking at you
Inside I am dying but in my eyes
I am living

Your soul took flight long ago
But it has not abandoned me
I am racing to catch you
And I am very close
You may be not inside me
But you are everywhere


Details | Free verse | |

A Song She Might Have Sung

Please, turn the music down And keep your voices low; There’s a new song I’m hearing now In a voice that’s soft and clear: It’s the One who’s always been with me . . . He’s walking closer now. I’ve lost all things I’ve ever owned: I cannot bring Him gifts Or sing His praises now. I have no strength to do great deeds: I stand before Him . . . empty. What does a Savior, such as mine, Need of earthly things? The whole wide universe is His. Or what great deeds Or songs from me Compare to those the angels sing? So, like a child, I lift my emptiness And bring Him only praise. I lift my soul, and wait For Him to cradle me In His eternal, loving arms. Shhhh . . . hush your voices; Keep the music down. The One who’s always been with me Is walking closer now.
(For Jan, with the beautiful singing voice, who died of ALS at an early age.)


Details | Free verse | |

I Lost Something

I sit here quiet in my room.
I want to take a bite 
out of life and leave a mark.
But my teeth aren't Sharp
enough for my  appetite.

I want the wet mark left 
on my neck to remind
me someone noticed my 
footsteps.

I want to dance to the 
moonlight's favorite song. 

I want to sing to the 
stars. 

I want to listen 
while the sun talks to me. 

I want to be brave when 
fear has no excuse.

I want to be your shelter 
when it starts to drizzle.


I want to love you when 
you think no one is there. 

I want to be your pillow 
when your head is heavy.

I want to be your moment 
when you feel my pain.
I want to be!!!!!!!


Details | Free verse | |

BLUE

Do you know what's haunting?
Losing someone and hearing their name, voice, or you hear something that reminds you of them
And you go blue. A dark blue, but a beautiful blue because that's the best kind of haunting
A beautiful haunting its something you can love so much but hate even more.
It's rather sweet thinking of someone so much
It's rather real.


Details | Free verse | |

Undas 2012 -- Day of the Dead

There I was, for the second night, visiting you.
It’s that time of the year again
where graves don’t seem so lonely,
all lit up
with flames, flowers and faces 
I find it so beautiful, Undas...

We all might be contained
within our own circles, 
but thoughts and feelings are somehow linked—
similar in remembrance
of what was lost, of what is loved.

This time always reminds me of regret.
Oh yes, my sighs are so pregnant with them,
giving birth to a nursery full of wailing cry babies.

Death.  
Of someone, of something. Of anything.
How final it seems. 
So much lost, so much taken.

Then the operative word, “seems”, jumps out at me.

I am reminded of grass razed by fire,
seemingly dead—hopeless.
Brown, dried, burnt.
Some might leave it be and move on with their lives.
But some
might dig beneath the dirt, dust it off,
then they might find hope.
The roots are still there, alive.

A second chance to make things right.
To nurture it better this time around.

Maybe, this is why I cling so hard to the thought 
of an afterlife.
Why so many people do.
I don’t want to think of death as The End.

You’ve graced my life, our lives with so much
and I still catch myself seeing you in other people.
In this manner, you are still very much alive.

This is also why I kiss the day that you were born.

You were given to us, albeit for a short while
but you are still here in some other ways,
and I am thankful for that.

I light one of your candles, whisper my prayers,
and something touches past my right hand.
(Ah, I’ve always felt that certain emptiness with that hand.)
I see what it is, and it embraces my heart.
It is small yet so profound for me.
A white butterfly. 
Choosing that moment 
to flutter past me, touching me in that darkness.

It lands on one of the leaves of your floral arrangement
and stays there with me.




11012012121p217r

** For my brother, & to all my loved ones who have gone on. I also want to dedicate this to all who have lost their loved ones, either recently or long ago—the void will always be there, but the memories & love that they have given us will never be forgotten in our hearts.

Undas is a yearly tradition here, where most Filipinos flock to the cemeteries to visit their dead. Ok, I will not rule out that some go there not exactly to visit the dead but to join in the hmm, festivities (if walking through cemeteries is your thing), being with friends, eating, since of course there are lots of food stalls present during this time.


Details | Free verse | |

Being Depressed Is My Way of Living

If it’s that easy to lose you… then go
People always leave, trust no one even yourself
I love myself for losing you
You can’t deny the fatal truth.. I don’t love you
I’ll never regret the decision to lose you
My soul won’t rest until I forget you
The longer I live the lesser my heart beats for you
You’ve decided to leave me, I’ve decided to hate you
People pretend to love you, turn your back
They wish you to disappear
In my life I trust no one, cause this life is based on lying
I never thought that I would cry when you leave
My heart was strong when you were around
But since you left it weakens by the moment
You made my world rain with sadness
What’s the meaning of friendship if eventually they’ll leave?
I live in a world full of sadness, so why should I be happy??
I’d wish to die than seeing you leaving
I’d wish to die than living like this
I wish to be hopeless, cause I suffer when I hope that you’ll come back
I’d wish to be blind than seeing you leaving 
I’d wish to be deaf than hearing you cry
I wish I had no tongue to taste the bitterness of loneliness
My middle name is misery 
My first name is hopeless
My last name is treachery
I thought it was a dream come true meeting you
But no it’s not a dream, it’s my personal hell
My blood is cold, my heart is stone 
My veins are crumpled, my soul is crushed 
My life is gone with you
I can’t eat, I can’t drink
I can’t see, I can’t hear 
I can’t talk, I can’t walk
I can’t live my miserable life
I see another girl, I feel nothing for her
Where are my feelings? They’re gone with you
I’m just like a rolling stone
You were my twilight, now darkness followed your absence
And everything is dark
I'm lost, I can’t find my way
I'm lost in this place, and this place is my life
Just save me from my misery 
Just let me fade away
My breath is taken
And my heart stopped beating
My heart is cut in splits
No wonder why its so cold
Cause your still here
I'm running out of choices 
I'm running out of clues 
There’s nothing I can do to make this go away
You are like a scar in my heart, that’s tearing me apart


Details | Free verse | |

DEPARTURES

I never overcame your departure brothers
since then
my feet walk crippled
the kidney only filters half of the residues
my heart partially collapsed
and beats insufficiently
the gastric juice became acid
and corrodes the sweetness of dreams
the bronchial airways are carbonized
and emit a roaring echo
the neurons lost
innumerable synapses
when dying necrotic
but here I am with my soul
regenerating light
so that the guide with the candle
calms my rumble of jungle


Details | Free verse | |

On Turning Eight

The whole idea of it makes me feel
Like my childhood is over
That I will walk into the world,
Empty-handed
Maybe I should just give up
And never get to be a kid
That small slice of hope
Could save me from ever having to mature
And be my own person
No longer attached to my mom
Like she is my charger
And I am a phone and 
I would die without her

You tell me what to do,
But that is because you have forgotten
That I am eight
And you can’t control me
But I can lie in bed and remember every digit
At four I was a woman,
I could give birth
At two, a cat
Prowling around the house 
At six, a wizard,
The best one around.

But now I am mostly staring at that little LED
Screen of my phone.
Back then, I played outside
And my book never sat sadly,
On my desk,
As it does today.
The small words, fading into black.

“This is the beginning of responsibility”
I say to myself, as I do my chores.
Time to say good-bye to sleeping in
Time to get good grades

It seems only yesterday I used to
Make forts, with sheets,
Protecting them from monsters
But now when I make forts,
I watch them crumble,
At the monster’s victory


Details | Free verse | |

The Door to Forever

We exchanged harsh words
Harsh words over nothing, nothing at all
Harsh words over something long forgotten
Harsh words which are so critical
so critical now to recall and to relive
over and over again…

You were ready to drop the matter
You were ready to relent and apologize
I was not ready to drop the matter
I was not ready to relent and apologize

You were the adult, I was the child
I reversed the roles, you reversed them back
You offered your hand, I refused your hand
I refused and let you walk out that door

Yes, I let you walk out that door
That front door, that door to forever

the last time I didn't talk to you
the last time I didn't say I love you
the last time I saw you
the last time I saw you alive…

 


Details | Free verse | |

My Sister, My Best Friend

You were supposed to be my first best friend
We were to look out for one another
I tried to always be there when things got rough
And though we grew up in the same home
You took a path separate from mine
We spoke less and less over the years
I tried to extend a hand and do what was right
But I lost you my sister and my first best friend


Details | Free verse | |

A Special Place

*** I would like to give a shout out to the lovely Scarlett Williams who inspired this
thought... These feelings have been bottled deep inside me for many years and needed to be
released.... Thank you my dear...***

 She is devout catholic with a strict religious family...
 VERY strict...
 I met her in college..
 Her father was the dean of students....
 Could not stand me... 
She was pure when we met, it took three months... 
I fell deep in love well before sex.... 
Her mother loved me, her sister loved me even her Chihuahua loved me.. 
Her father thought I was a dog, which I was.. I am not going to lie....
She changed that about me, caged that animal... 
I fell deep in love.... 
Well, 
after two years together her father one weekend decided on a motorcycle trip... 
His front tire exploded at 70 MPH and he was thrown 150 yards down the freeway... 
Nearly died and he lost 45% of his memory... 
She was devastated, 
I became a stranger..... 
I have been through many since and have not found a woman who can
 capture my intrigue.... 
Make me fall once again... 
I yearn for that!!!
 I meet girls
 I NEED a woman

 I hold no hatred for her... 
She will always hold a special place in my heart... 
She changed my life, 
brought me into a new world.. 
I have many fond memories.. 
Like a picnic in the Oquirhh mountains in S.L.C. next to a spring... 
We ate, talked and made love... 
It was beautiful... 
We had something special... 
That was the past and will forever be... 
A memory..... 
 She WAS the love of my life... 

I look forward to creating new memories with.............


Jared Pickett
5/15/2010
Asavvy1


Details | Free verse | |

Railroad Boy

Where have all the cabooses gone,
Red slab sided, cupola, curved roof, 
Friendly stove pipe hat, every kids wish,
Moveable tree house clickety-clacking
Cozily rolling across America
Snappy visored cap, brass buttons
Blue coat, wind whipped leaning out
One hand on the stanchion
Waving an all clear lantern, nights shining arc
Then crack, all along the line each
Snapping to attention each car in its turn
With a rattle rattle, huff and puff
Away it roars into childhood.
A memory of something important,
Those years gone like borrowed money
And now the dollars have all been spent
But the secret stays in the heart                                                                                An ancient fondness now focused
A connection across the years
Tears and a smile for that railroad boy


Details | Free verse | |

Whistle

Running, after more than you, can hold.
Taking, someone else’s love, and leaving.
Children are fearful of what they’re told.

Can’t you see I’m the one who’s freezing?
I was just a child with a trinket 
Never knowing that it’d be, more to me

When you were gone to, too far, from me.
Steady with your hands close to my heart
Never letting our world’s tear us apart

I know, your icicles 
I miss the beaches that we played on
You missed the child in your own eyes

Now you’re gone, 
But I’m still not here.
Why can’t you wake up 

I’m not ready
Please, just take your time, don’t leave now
I can’t fight this world alone.


Details | Free verse | |

My Frozen Reflection, My Changed World

My tusks are sharp, like a warrior's spear.
I see clearly and only feel one thing, fear.
Frozen deep in this field of flattened glass,
I had to watch my unfulfilled dreams pass.
I have always known the snow covered land
that now morphs and changes behind my own,
Innocent eyes. But a weight of a stone, 
that can crush an entire army; then I remain alone.
I feel cold, my spirit sold,
lurking beyond me, rotten and old.
Out of reach, with so much to teach,
jerking to become free, begging for speech,
my young ones, my family shadows,
trapped behind a glacier of gallows,
The temporary apocalypse of merciless ice.
I wish I had warned them.

-Caroline Youngless


Details | Free verse | |

Thoughts of You

Random thoughts of you run
randomly throughout my mind,
as I hold, looking through a simple picture of you and I,
smiles and holding each other,
embracing warmth brings me to sanity,
watching your hand on my forearm,
as you gaze into my eyes.
Oh the tears flood such emotion,
only you and I now in such madness we call love,
such madness we all call life,
such madness we all call reality.

Thoughts of me without you,
I cannot bear to see such a sight in mind,
to hear such words that tear my heart out
and sadness stabs me rapidly in the back,
and I can't bear to see such a sight as this.
Thoughts of you
running randomly throughout my mind,
my hair turns silver and white with stress
of not being with you,
and my liver covered with cancer,
and lungs black with smoke,
and stomach embraced with ulcers.

All I ask for you,
is not to be a thought anymore,
and come back to me in flesh and bone
in a portrait painting of you in reality
come to me with your beauty and glory
and kind heart and hold me again,
and let me kiss you again and love you again,
and call you mine again.
Don't say it is impossible,
when you know and I know,
that it is in fact possible
to love each other once again.


Details | Free verse | |

Whisper's

                                      WHISPER’S

April rain fell like whispers on grass,
Soft and light like a half felt apology.
Dark clouds wafted overhead in shamed silence.
Distressed by a cold winter’s return. 
Daffodils wept and bowed in fading despair,
My Father’s favourite plant was slipping away. 
As my Father had done and now my Mother too
Lost to a world of cold whispers and sorrow. 

Dead flowers I had placed on their grave so light
Were fading like a memory, a star un-bright.

Still the rain whispered but failed to cleanse,
The grit of sorrow that inhabits my heart.


Details | Free verse | |

Evolution of Man

When did man become sick?
Besmirched with the sin of greed,
Fortified to kill his brother in fear of losing his pride,
When did man become revolted by the color of skin? 
And the gift of a child became a burden,
When did man's knowledge become dangerous?
And the power the change the world meant to lose the world
When did man stop his compassion for nature?
And allowed for it to be destroyed by fire without remorse,
When did man become blind?
And his ignorance became his bliss.
When did man forget God?


Details | Free verse | |

Cruel Hope

I lay here, unarmed, and vulnerable to the damage that has been done. I want to cry, I can cry and I will.
The feeling of it all, discomforts me, hypnotizes me, leaves me wondering; who have I got left? I think and the answer terrifies me, shakes me; how come? I have no one.
These breaths, they puzzle me, how do I breathe for nothing? No one? 
And yet so eagerly, I look up for better things, brighter beginnings, but the thought ends, will I truly be happy? Can something powerful enough in the days ahead of me give me comfort? Bring me peace? 
Yes I have been fooled, betrayed several times now. I have figured out my flaws; I trust too much, love too much, and forgive. I don’t know why but I seem to refuse giving up this false matter, false clinging to this object, idea, or spirit, named “Hope”. 
Yes it beats me up, yes I have been slain, slaughtered, and shattered; in the walls of denial, and query I was trapped, destined to taste suffer, with the eyes of mine I did see, moments, and events that slaughtered me like ice and fire, those eyes of mine, show me things I don’t wish to see, they slaughter me, although part of me, organs of my being, they still do. In the times where I thought I was strong, in times where I thought hope would save me, now it shatters me in the presence of all thy people, makes me its slave by clinging to it, begging for mercy, for chances, and for that I am weak. They all thought I was strong, unbreakable, but now everything proves them wrong; I do break..
These tears I thought will cleanse me, purify, and strengthen me, but now whenever I do cry; those tears are just like whips that drain out my strength, deteriorate my goals, and terrorize my dreams, and so I abandon them..






Details | Free verse | |

Sacred Tears

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” – Washington Irving strongest love known conveyed by tears, not words powerful the person allowing tears to escape walls that hold a captive heart essence of true compassion sharing sacred tears as a loved one mourns
*Entry for Russell Sivey’s “Challenge - 8 Lines Max” contest by Carolyn Devonshire, October 9, 2011 Dedicated to Joyce Johnson on the loss of her brother


Details | Free verse | |

This Tear

This tear                                  So tightly held these salty tears                           
so tight my eyes squeeze                   embracing the We like long lost love
and yet you fall, fall with a weight            of remembrance returning to the earth
  of cares sinking in a fathomless lake of woe            moistening it without glaze.

This tear                                           Flicked freely from the corner of mother’s eye
dropping with pointed precision       upon pearl white cheek     flying momentarily...
  or running childishly from the tip    on the fingertips of joy 
beside a chocolate brown nose. Or in gasps of anguish too great for arms to hold      
Circles the world with the bounty of heart…

When released from imprisoned  chest
           bodes more than woe. 
                                  This tear defines the humanity of man.

Poet: Debbie Guzzi
Contest: Personify a Tear

* Do to the 12 line requirement this verse has been altered to be read both left to right and from top to bottom.


Details | Free verse | |

Hope

The phone rings innocently.
Who is at the other side?
Could be no one then yet a peculiar feeling tells
me it is the bearer of bad news.
Still I answer hoping I am wrong.
My mother is ill, trapped between two worlds; 
the worlds of fear and courage.
My ears hear every word but my mind has created a 
sudden barrier that nothing seems to
penetrate like some sort of
steel web of unwanted denial.
Fear floods my body like a torrent
river flow, eroding strength
and stability.
How much longer can I bare it?
Never it seems but hope still glimmers 
regardless of how dim.
Miles are between us, 
I feel numb and unexpectedly lost.
Where am I?
It’s certainly not here in the presence 
of fallen angels.
The bell of hope strikes a sharp note creating a 
gentle chime awaking my
senses to the news,
they are sharpened making
the fear of loss suddenly
commanding, corrupting my
inner strength making it weak.
I continue to listen all the 
while my body is screaming
in protest.
The voice stopped, I hung up,
the pain and fear never lessened.
Time went by all the while my
mind was constantly in a state
of anguish and grief.
Endless stories were created,
each one worse than the last.
My family begun to shatter like
a broken mirror, reflecting only
the scars of misery and needless
hurt.
Hope still glimmered but appeared
distant and out of reach.
My mind grew tender, endless misery
has eaten away at my last thoughts
of happiness.
The sting of fear created heartache
for the bond between mother and child
was nearly severed,
severed by the hands of
an unwanted deity.
A deity of life itself.



Details | Free verse | |

Mali's Day

I was in a field near Maitland, just wading through this rain
and I'm feeling about as ragged as my jeans
Mali went home to lay down just before this rain
started spinning this old man's mind back into a dream

so I pulled my wood flute from my dirty red bandanna
and played it softly as I learned to sing the blues
didn't hear the words or see the lies just held Mali's hand in mine
We must have sung every song this grand-pa knew

Dreaming is just another word for nothing left to lose
Nothing means everything because this life it ain't free
And feeling good was so easy, Lord, Till I sang the blues
In real life feeling good was good enough for me

From her fast track to play time, she loved laying in the sun
That's where we could discuss the secrets in our souls
Through clear and stormy weather, arguments and the fun
Yeah, this blue eyed baby girl kept grampa from the cold

On a clear day near Amplatz, Lord, I felt her slip away
You knew she went to look for her Big Bro, I know Liam found her
I'd gladly trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday
If I could be holding that precious Mali on my knee

To remember is yet another word in this life some must lose
Dreams, hope and deep faith that's what Mali left me
Speak often to all who cross and you will realize who is free
Learning this together was good enough for me and Mali McGee


Details | Free verse | |

Hidden Treasure

Hidden Treasure
Hidden, locked away
A last resort
A compromise
When your well has gone dry
You search endlessly for me
Certain that my presence 
Always awaits your lonely soul
Underneath your dreamscape 
Here I remain
Your reality
I will be your mirror
When delusions are before you
For you I bear this cross
Because my heart beats for you

Just a memory to you so often
Your buried treasure lies here
Waiting to be discovered


 

©  2008 Courtney Dyer


Details | Free verse | |

The Wall

We worked together And built a wall, Brick by brick Was laid in place. The puzzle Of our lives Became That wall. How sad it was To discover We lived On opposite sides.


Details | Free verse | |

The Silent Chorus of Asia's Missing Daughters

The mourning sun struggled to shine
over the good earth
longing for uprooted seeds,
O-Lan’s second bamboo shoot
harvested far too soon.
The eighth page of 
my American newspaper
casually mentions
Sixty Million
Missing,
as is our rage.
Silent choruses
of Asia's daughters 
during this thirty-year long
monsoon of tears
cry out in unison:
Was gender our only crime, 
or was it the cruelty of order?
(to form an even 
more perfect union,
one child-no second chance,
second child-no first chance.)
Inhuman actuaries 
compute the 
fair market value of
rare Punjabi jewels as
the opportunity cost 
of their ultimate dowries,
while surplus men pine.
O blind new world
proud of its 
amniotic intelligence,
so unaware of the 
consequences of
unnatural selection,
last night I dreamt
Heaven’s narrow gates
welcoming millions 
scarcely born,
its vast expanse 
unable to contain 
our aggregate guilt, 
the billions of us who 
remain.


Details | Free verse | |

Silent Drums

The sound of drums has halted
Canoes traded for cars
No one left to tell of the bear.
Billboards cover the landscape
Is this progress?
Is this what you seen in your mind's eye?
Who will teach your ancestral tongue?
Let your drums beat once again.




Written for Debbie Guzzi's any Eight Line Contest

I chose to write about the loss of our first Nation people's culture.
This loss took place as a result of Residential school system and
at the hands of people who abused their children. Buckets of money
will not compensate for the loss of culture and sense of community.
The wealth is being concentrated in the hands of a few people while
Many members of their communities live in Third World Conditions.


Details | Free verse | |

Words of Life

Drowning in the pool of anguish…oh…oh…
I’m venturing into the forest…and I want to hear the words seep out 
Release these aching sorrows…I worry my soul’s drying out…
like a drought…
Drain out the fluids from my heart
It’s gouging me…bruising me to the core…

**chorus** 
Embrace the light…embrace the midnight sky…
You fall in my arms – you die so warm
Shed me more sun to lift up my spirits
From the…underground…and release me – I’m breathless
I’m drowning in doubt…ooh… oh… 


Remember me…I’m falling…into my swirling fate…hanging on the roots 
Strangling my heart…distorting in my veins… I’m bleeding so softly – cut out the wood…
Splintering me…I’m shattering… and I’m falling in the abyss
Bring me more radiance from my candle light
Warp me up in bliss…don’t let the midnight sky…don’t take away my delight
From the…ocean…and save me—save me…oh… oh…  I’m failing 

*chorus*

I’m drowning in regret…ooh..oh…
Hit the bull’s eye in my heart…embrace the light
And don’t leave me hanging in the abyss…hand me a kite!
Save me before I fall apart…shut out the night
And don’t let the dusk escape us…

I must confess…
I must confess…
I hate to see you abandon the light…
But I’m not the one to save you from the night
Ooh…ohh…

*Chorus* 

Splintering lies fill your heart 
I want to kiss it goodbye…
But you’ve mastered it like a piece of art
I want to kiss the abyss and die…
Dry… I wanna touch the sky with my whole soul
But I’m failing and the end of time has taken its toll
Tainted sorrow…swims around me…I dwell where the waters depart
But the anguish still swarms in my heart…
I’m failing…my heart stops beating
And my desires are fleeting
From my grasp
And the monsters laugh at me…as I fall… 

*chorus*

Embrace the midnight sky…catch me…catch me…
As I fall in death’s arms…I die so cold
And your heart is made of gold

Untangle the darkness & take away the nightmares 
Answer our prayers & block out the night 
Erase the heartaches & wipe away our tears
Unravel Your words of life & delight


Details | Free verse | |

Draconian II

[The Puppeteer]
The storm I see you in
Caught in the race of Caïn
Held by the arms you cannot see--the conducter of Ennui 
-No stronger than the void you hold within-
It began with a hope, an obsession
Casted into, slavery of repugnant possessions 
Granted by, the Avaricious Lords, the ones we serve for
-They Told Us to pray, hope, away from despair, the despair caused by their immaculate Hands
Malice, envy, greed, was granted to me, The Feudal Dream, we want to be Them, just like him
-just how he solaces us, ambivalent hope, engendering knives to my throat 

[The Fall]
In this Valley of morning and weeping
Love lies bleeding, in desperate fear
With their talons, the hunt to rip out thy heart 
As each velvet petal falls apart
Her body chained in their bile and lies, covered with their red-spy
-sent just to check if our souls are in line, do not defy 
Her blood velvet and pure, drips away with innocence of the amber guardian 
The soil of plagues, beggars, and graves
Is know her home, the coven of solace
Though the seed has died--resurrection Is near passing through death's fear
One stronger than you--and thy funeral skies
She is alive--anew
But the vapors still remain
The Apocalypse is here, do we fear?
Just for the death of our sins
Elysia never Seemed so far away

[Our Damnation]
Solitary ruins, Fulfill their visions
We strayed far from the depths within 
We all lingered to his solace--lies
-you make the sign everyday, but lack toknow the name
We are just the toys, he pulls all of the strings
We are nothing in this burning world
of Decadence, and Failed Semblance

[Draconian] 
Draconian--Reach for the shadows within
Draconian--Break from the Fallen's son
Draconian--Their empirical lies, only die
Draconian--Reach the shadows within


Details | Free verse | |

Don't Try It

A single kiss from thy lovely lips,
so sweet and so divine,
yet I taste posion upon your tongue.

Your beauty so glorious,
like a blooming rose so beautiful,
yet, why do mine eyes go blind
in the sight that you walk along with another?

Yes you, walk with another,
arm under arm,
lips touching lips in romantic kisses,
it makes my blood boil,
for mine lips are dry.

For mine eyes have seen your glory,
yet no one here listens to my story.
You are evil, yes you are,
don't try to deny,
Listen to a man of experience,
you might as well save some expense.

I write of our long romantic walks
we took together, under the shade of olive trees,
how we went apple picking in autumn time,
and made love in the foyer.

Nomore of that sweet and passionate love,
nomore silent kisses in the night,
when the wind blows hard against the branches,
that tape violently on my windowpane. 
Nomore somber tears shed, when you got sick,
and nomore warm embraces when you shed tears of betrayal.

Betrayal now is a game played by a fool,
such as I,
to think I'd have a happy life with you?
Huh, only a fool would think such a thing,
but now I sit, looking at the foyer,
where we once made sweet, passionate love,
nomore will that foyer be filled with exotic pleasure.
Nomore will you be filled with smiles and exotic pleasure.
I've done my job, as a good man shall do,
now pack your things and get of my stage,
the spotlight yawns for anew,
and the audience grows tired and restless of you.

Now I live life anew,
you too shall see life in new eyes,
walking hand and hand with the blond, blue eyed devil
you call your own.
Shall he take one kiss from your lips,
and die of the posion he tastes on your tongue,
shall he go blind, when he sees your true, black beauty?
He will see the ugly soul, covered up by white rags,
and cheap makeup,
and then he will come to me,
and shake my hand in condolence
and say, "You were right!"

Now you are all alone,
looking for another, as you did many times before,
Now you are alone, walking an open road,
spying on another,
fear of being alone.
Now, you see when you play games with a good man's emotions,
don't try it,
because a good man is not meant to be toyed with.


Details | Free verse | |

The Lion's Tale

Hear the Lion roar above the rapids

Hear that Lion roar;

But what if this Lion would roar no more?

And nothing was left for him to roar for.

His home is gone; His land been taken; His children ran; His life forsaken;

And though the Lion may roar above the rapids; That will be the last we’ll see

For if you can not be happy then why bother being free?


Details | Free verse | |

The River home

It was a home on the river we lived .
It was the ghost of a young man whom had taken his own life.

I still remember the vision of him walking by me with a blank stare 
We,  as a Family of  seven , moved into this river house 
Panoramic views right out to the river , I should mention

I was home alone as a child , looking out at "The Julia Belle Swan " as she went by .
Upstairs in that room as I saw a figure walking by , with very nice features , auburn hair 
I thought he was my older brother , a handsome young guy 

Then I realized the young man was not my brother , a  apparition he appeared .
He was not there to scare or frighten , 
the message I believe he wanted to shed light on, so clear.

He walked right by ,then disappeared through the window, out to the River .

The Ghost knew I could see him , a gift I have been given
when I was a younger child of five , I had once died for a short time. I was lifted by Jesus in Heaven . Death is not for us to decide .

Later in the years we moved from that home , every home we lived in had a story 
or a presence of its own . My Mother had told me later , a young man took his life there .

 Keep fighting your way through life and its despair , 
you are important to someone whom cares .  If you feel alone and want life to end , Please pick up the phone , call anyone ,  call for help , call a Friend .

"This is not fiction , it truly is a gift I have been given "


Details | Free verse | |

The Never Ending Battle

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION

JS Lambert



Details | Free verse | |

On Dirtied Pavement.

On the edge of metropolitan midnight
he lays in a breathless silence
rasping the evanescing yesterdays to his windows
both open and locked,
while the unknowing below in stale smoke barrooms,
wait to sear his wounds and retell his life
in putrefied requiem.

Abashed metropolis
echoing of muted voices once adorning the streets
in practiced synthetic ritual, 
the vile awash and seeping through asphalt cracks,
the scent of rot, old and new, smattered on old brick edifices 
silences the ascending smoke plumes 
belched from and within dirtied concrete towers,
the final endeavor from within a dying mans spirit
reaching out to no one

City’s voice wails from the antechamber in darkness
anxieties fracturing the panes amongst the downtown fire
of urban panic
lucidity congealing away within him, kept only in the moment
by metronome dripped medicine
exposing him to his damp streets, dirtied culverts, sewer ditches
chemically induced and maintained.
Fighting for his identity within this sterilized chaos,
whispering for the few of open mind somewhere below the window sill,
quicky stepping onward, over his newsprint life,
calling out one last time

There he lays in cold white sterility,
calling silently to his windows,  both opened and locked,
watching his stories catch and fade in the dull humid streetlight
wisped away on steam grate stale winds,
the dying soul, eyes closed, his aged lined face
muddied, scraped, and walked over,
through the grime of progression left on sullied pavement.


Details | Free verse | |

My Gift

Meddlesome acknowledgement was my gift to many
I wondered where the nutrients were coming from
I was absorbing your words, parched by my own dimming light-years
There I was stunned by the legion of black-faced martyrs

Exasperation of the undeniable misunderstanding of every conceivable word 
Left me with another path onto death
And not nearly dying, but regenerating in technological, factorial woe
Demon thoughts squeezed bile from the brim of subconscious drivel  
Accelerating the ghouls from the gull of my esophagus 

I was held down from the dreams of the fortnight
From words of architecture ascending from the brims of the archangels 
Eyes remained closed
And I felt the actual descent of my downfall
I did not open my eyes at all

I did not mean to pry into your life, oh beautiful soul
Please accept my gift today
My fierce gaze into your lavishing grail
Led me to accept and love where I often fail
I am no longer smothered in your intricate designs
Though I am surely small to you
Though I feel only a fraction of a fool
I am the hidden spark under the timbers of lies

I am the hidden spark under the timbers of lies


Details | Free verse | |

Tabby

Not long before I put down my dirt filled hoe
Into my yard she quietly crept
It’s as though she knew I needed her cheer
She was rust colored and sadly matted cat
Not the most attractive feline I’d ever seen 
But she was lonely and hungry, and in need 
Of course immediately my Mothering instinct beckoned 
She followed me to where I poured some milk for her 
Not ever having a cat I didn’t have cat food on hand-
So I opened a can of tuna to her delight 
She lapped it up and looked up at me with a smile 
The next day there she was waiting and the day after and so on 
I had found a friend 
So I went out and bought some cats food 
She was now mine of at least I thought so 
Who could have ever done such a thing?
Leaving her to the streets? 
I bought her flea collar and bells to wear 
Soon she would just sit on my lounge chair waiting for me 
I had to bring her into the house she still looked so frail 
One day while she was eating I noticed her choking on her food 
It continued so I made an appointment to see the vet 
It had to be done anyway after all she was to be mine
While we had our visit and the saddest moment of my life came 
The doctor said she had throat cancer and it was advanced 
Our friend Tabby didn’t but a few weeks to live 
So my husband and I made the pain staking decision  
To put her to sleep 
Tears poured from every corner of my eyes
“No” was all I screamed inside she had brightened my life  
How could someone have left her alone?
The Vet felt the previous owner knew about her condition 
They left her to suffer knowing she was so sick
I felt we at least gave her 6 weeks of love and care before she left this place 
I will never forget the love and championship this rusty feline gave me
Months later my family and I adopted another cat Tabby showed us- 
The greatest love and companionship that animals give you unconditional   
We now have two wonderful cats that were adopted
They bring so much to our lives


Details | Free verse | |

Evanescent

Gray leaden murkiness rests in the light hours
For which there was no light
Their barren lifelessness was visible, as their arms wobbled
Cracked and scorn beaten down
Dry as the desert, the tears have bleed away
Sucked out and left to wander 
And so they have lost against the truculent world 
 Numb, inept and ossified spirits  
Crushed like pellets of a beautiful rose 
Torn from their stem of the pulse 
Slowly evaporating into a dull colorless dust 
No longer of value for they have shed there hold to dwell  
  


Details | Free verse | |

It Is I

It is I,
Only able to 
Sit before
The mischievous screen
Of the TV 
And watch
Palestine, my country,
Fall like a
Corpse
On cold land
	
It is I,
Deemed
To observe
The homes and 
Lives of my
Brothers and sisters
Turn into ashes
On an embellished LG
Flat-screen

It is I,
Spotting on the news
The olive trees of a
Palestinian fertile 
Field flame
Into barren barks 
Of nothingness

It is I,
Viewing the
Tanks and
Weaponed metal
Turn audacious 
Rock-throwers
Into heroic martyrs
While changing
Some channels  

It is I, 
My generous name is,
A Palestinian simply
Deprived of
Setting a foot into
Palestine.


Details | Free verse | |

She Hates Me...A Tragedy...

Ignore me...Why?
  "You’re a LOSER thats why!"
You Hate me, What did I do?
  "Why else, you are you!"
What is that supposed to mean
  "Figure it out, you’ll never win,"
I said I was sorry, What more do you want?
  "You ARE sorry, Pathetic, a Dork and a runt."
Is there anything I could do to change your mind?
  "I want you leave, what are you blind?"

Fine then I’ll go, but I want you to know,
I’m sorry for the things that I’ve said and I’ve done,
I’m sorry for the feelings, the love I didn’t show...

And the boy turned away, down the track where they run,
And ended his life...with the shot of a gun.

And when the girl heard, she uttered not a word,


For to miss him, to care,  or feel sorrow, well, that would be absurd...


Details | Free verse | |

Castling

What have I done?
I became the speech 
of starless night. 

Oh! I almost melted
hearing God
in you,
not ‘cause of guilt I should’ve owned. 
‘Twas really you, your voice 
inducing ism of greater self.

Show me some 
humility, 
not by telling me
your present.

You were wrong 
when you predisposed 
my past 
has something 
to do with my sorrow.

Do I still have 
pride 
to swallow 
when you’ve already cast 
the first stone?

Ah, whatever you think! 
It matters 
no anymore
for I to my grave 
the sweetness of your tongue
...once mine.


Details | Free verse | |

NOW

When I see the dreams. Of yesterday, Float by like clouds I stop . . . Reach out . . . And hold them . . . To my melancholy heart. One by one They disappear, Like sand I clutched . . . When I was young. Leaving me with nothing . . . But . . . And empty shell. . . . And, then . . . I come to now, When you are at my side, And pleasure possesses me . . . Until I cry.


Details | Free verse | |

Your Melodious Memories

Whole night you were in my musing
Everything forgets except your face
Today I'm late at bed
No one to wake me early
When i saw you in far
Corner of dry, dark sky
My heart gets torn,
Eyes can't stop flowing
We are missing you "Mom"...

He left the world you leave
Don't talk,
Rough movement and even
His smiles erased.
Still waiting for you every eve at the gate
The old breezed love
Can't take the pain.

My small brother asks me
When you will come?
Your daughter loss
All her faith and joy.

I can't see their faces
It's remind me you,
Your love
Babbling
Chattering before bed to rig up mosquito-curtain
Run after me while going to work!
My heart seems to burst
And blow up with grief...
I miss you at my every step,"Mom"

He was empty before you
Again fall into nothingness
They lost their playmate
I lost my best friend !

Nobody forbids me,
No one says don't do this
The call from back to return soon is vanished
Sometimes i feel so lonely,
My soul intends to cries out
Like a simple child
And pray to you,"Please come back Mom"
If not possible to punish me
Make me cry once !

Aaborta Dey
This poem is based on death of one of my friend's Mom and i feel more love to my parents when i read this.


Details | Free verse | |

A Costly Mistake

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION


Details | Free verse | |

wanna come thank me for getting bin laden shot america

or do you want to tell the person whose first name is sang by sinead o connor
middle name is sang by fred durst
and last name is mentioned by fred durst


do you want to tell me, the person you just spent 13 years mad at
singing and dancing to my misfortune
and rubbing your happiness in my face as you exclude me from sex

do you want to tell that person whose name you plastered all over your war
that he had nothing to do with surviving it
do you want to tell that man
Troy Jeremy Nelson
who just lost everything 17 times
to start over
that he was not your allie
in whatever that was?

let me put your name alll over a war
and then wait for your enemy to show up
and ask you
what does that guy got that i don't?


everything now
you murdered my grandpa
you murdered my friends
you murdered my sex life

and you sang and danced to my misfortune to the tune of your lies
pretending i was your friend called an alibi
you didnt bother to even try to keep alive

do you want to come telll
me
Troy Jeremy Nelson
that your country just did that too
that thats not what happened?

Im not sure how long your going to live that lie
the thousands of people concerned and involved in that persons endless
and i mean endless nightmare
might just come tell you what has been making them cry.....

Happy Halloween tho
FALSE PROPHET

oh and p.s.
next time you put somebody else in the middle of your war
to play the victom of that person's nightmare
you caused
take notes to pass into the future
as to what is about to occur
to you
may be a life lesson
to history

Thank you for not caring (sarcasm)
thank you for not answering my letters (sarcasm)
thanks for going the wrong way, in the wrong direction, to do the wrong thing
that whole time i kept pointing out a drug ring blackmarket, you people didnt care 
about (sarcasm)

thanks for calling me a liar as to what has taken place in my life(sarcasm)

so whenever you are free to hand me a bunch of things with your smiling face, and 
names all over them
to make me feel better for the way you treated me
singing and dancing to the sound of getting away with murder
for the miracles youve stolen

my big brother doesn't like to dance around and play house, pretending to be 
someone hes not
in a singing competition, racing against his sense of fear
do you want to come tell the man just tortured by malpractice
with his name on your war in your music,
he had nothing to do with winning it?


Details | Free verse | |

The Lie

Such a little thing Strung between two hearts Concealed in silence That which is unknown cannot hurt Not both at least Just one heart stricken It will not stay silent It will be heard Then two hearts broken Scars heal But never disappear They just conceal the wound
Bob Quigley 1/08/2012


Details | Free verse | |

Gene, Gene, the Singing Machine

(in memoriam, Eugene Lawler, d. January 29, 2012, aged 83 years)

--- Note:  "The singing machine" is a not so tongue-in-cheek reference to Gene and his penchant for singing whenever and wherever he wished, as well as to his karaoke
equipment and his nickname at bars that featured karaoke nights. ---


You fancied yourself a singer,
and indeed you were.
What songs we heard from you
you had made your own,
and you gave them freely
to all who would listen
(though we were just a few
who were, at times, inattentive.)
Time and remembrance may color
the images you left behind,
and the sentimental songs
you sang (and scribed on silver disks 
for us to hear when, and if, we will)
may prod us to recall
your willful, dour demeanor
which could bloom into benevolence
or darken further in stormy sneers
at tardiness, or at perceived
maltreatment of any sort.
You were your own arbiter of behavior
who kept before you expectations
of what was appropriate, for yourself
and for us, the others of your kind.
We were few (still fewer now),
who flocked together on occasion
to celebrate, in quiet fashion,
whatever anniversary we chose --
perhaps your passing date
will become another to be marked.
And your voice, reproduced mechanically,
amplified, may remind us of our loss,
and of yours.  


Details | Free verse | |

A Squirrels Tears

How do I describe such distress?
A squirrel sat on a lower limb,
His mother had chased him from the nest.
His heart was broken, in upheaval, a mess.
His home gone. His mother turning her back so new.
Oh what, oh what will he ever do?
Each breath he takes is a mighty gulp,
Then the sound so soulful with every shout.
Cries of pain were so deeply felt, 
That every bout rips my heart inside out.
It renders me tearful to hear the sounds flow…
The need to help him drives me so,
How could his mother yield such a blow?
But he is wild and won’t let me help his woe.
A human I’d hold so warm and tight.
I’d build a nest for him if it were right.
But I know he won’t accept my help, 
As he cries on and on in his plight.
For an hour he tore my heart to shreds…
Then finally a young squirrel came from another tree, instead.
Together they ran off fulfilling his needs…
His cries stopped. He’d found what he wanted with those pleas…
Now if mankind could only help those in need, with such simplicity.


Details | Free verse | |

Ship Ahoy Divorce Style

<                                              Haiku

                                          sea's tranquility
                                   bestows harmonic balance
                                      amidst  tides rising



                                               Limerick



                          aye ye matey walking its own plank
                          let not ye other take thee to bank
                                raise thy anchors set sail
                              give heeve hoe to those failed
                         find ye other sailor's who's yet sank  




                                              Couplet



                    shivery timbers captain bow is about to break
                    toss overboard it's ye baggage holding thee dam weight 




Entry For
{Destroyer { Poet's
Divorce Club
Haiku /Limerick/Couplet Contest
G.L. All


Details | Free verse | |

Anonymity Becomes You

Cruel intentions
circle the ruby red
of your lips
hips that sway back 
and forth in a lusty pose
touching, touching
but never really feeling.

Dim rooms, yellow lit
of seedy talk and
tobacco riddled nights 
give pretense that your loved 
while thwarted dreams
lay at your feet
grinding to thin ash 

The dark disclosure of your deeds
rip through the heart
and cut to the core
but  are never left unnoticed.

The silence that you swear
 to keep this thing alive 
 reflect in you what I despise

You will go on pretending 
to ease your slow decline
just one more time, baby
just one more time.


Details | Free verse | |

You are Alone

You said you gave me life I say you came into mine  
He said, she said – you always thought you were right 
Blinded by your own self absorbed mind, you lost it
All you thought you had - so much for your one sided life 

you are alone, you are now alone 
you would never admit it - you are always right 
so you say in your own mind 

No longer to stay as a sidelined existence 
She – just the other, made a life of her own  
Not blinded by the one who always thinks their right 
Standing strong & independent - no longer the ‘other’ 
but the lead role on a path, in charge of her life 

you however are now alone   
would never admit it you are always right 
so you say in your own mind


Details | Free verse | |

Haunted

On Memorial Day I am haunted and flooded with so much grief.
My Mother lies next to my Grandmother and they next to my Great Aunt.
My Fathers name is there, too, but blessedly he’s not there yet.
Such great memories are restored as I look at each stone.
Once again I’m a rambling child with no kids of my own.
I remember the safety they afforded me, and all the treats and their love.
All their little sacrifices they gave, when I was still too young to know.
Why did I chase after a kitten when Grandma was so close by my side?
A simple tug on her skirt and she would of hugged me and smiled with pride.
Why was I discovering butterflies, when my Great Aunt was close there too?
She made the best pies EVER from scratch while I played in another room.
Why did I take Mom for granted… when as a child she gave me so much?
What I wouldn’t give for her gentle touch… and another soothing hug…
And Grandpa lies by Grandma… he was always repairing something or by her side.
And now there are all my aunts, uncles, and cousins that are all scattered around. 
They made Christmas my favorite time as their talk and laughter rang out.
They’d laugh, talk, and enjoy each other’s company, as I’m sure now they do.
I can’t imagine them in any other way, than at my Grandma’s on those wonderful 
days.
We’d sit down to a holiday feast with everyone all around and it all seemed like play.
Were they then thinking of others that they knew from long ago?

As I walk around the graveyard picking out old friends, I remember their wistful 
looks…
They did the same each year, as they talked about the past even back then.
Perhaps its time my stone goes there, though I’ve a few more years to go.
That will help my children when it’s also my time to go…
And surprisingly it makes me feel I’m not leaving the older family alone.
It’s like a kiss, and a tug on a skirt to leave that something behind.
It’s a promise… they’ll be remembered until it too, is my time…
Until then I’ll bring my children and tell stories from long ago…
One day a year can’t be too much since it’s memories that I bestow. 
And they all simply add up to the life that I have known.


Details | Free verse | |

Scattered All Around

"Fragments and crumbs of life, all the little pieces" 

                                           John Ruskin, 1853 

Scattered all around
Scrambling to pick up the pieces
Of what is left
That was once whole
Now shattered on the ground
What once was beautiful
Now broken and chipped away
Desperate to find every piece
In hopes of restoration
Frantically searching
Eyes darting everywhere
Ignoring the pain
As the shards cut
As you seize each piece
Even the most minuscule 
Clutching it ever so close
As tears start to swell
Chest begins to heave
As panic sets in
How could this have happened
Failed to protect and guard
Something so precious
Only few ever find
More valuable than gold
Casting the illusion
Of being untouchable
Standing the test of time
Safe and resistant 	
Thus leading to distance
Less guarding and sheltering
Taking comfort in the safety
Of letting go
Only to see it topple over
Like slow motion
Fearfully reaching out
Brushing fingertips
But not quick enough
Watching it descend 
Eyes wide
No longer breathing
Heart stopping
Helpless now
Ear-piercing
As it shatters
Into a million pieces
Knees hitting the ground
Awe struck
Dumb-founded
What once was treasured
Lies hopeless and lifeless
Even if all the pieces are found
Carefully glued back together
It will never be as beautiful
Covered with cracks
Never showing strength
Only fragile and weak
Telling the story of carelessness
How one looked away
Only for a brief moment
Left vulnerable to the unknown
Is now nothing more
Than broken shards
Glistening from tears
In blood-stained hands


By Shauna Riley

5/17/11

For A Rambling Poet's contest, "All the Little Pieces"


Details | Free verse | |

Wishing Beyond a Dry Well

He tried to drink from a dry well
His mouth was filled with dust
He searched for her
Longed for her
Why had she gone away
Leaving him with but a memory of her sweetness
Oh how she had nourished him
Washed over him
Sustained him

He thought she was an endless source
Inexhaustible
Refreshing
pure
His sustenance
Her magical waters beyond sweet 

He came to her with his wishes
He spoke them to no others
He dreamed at her edges
Peered into the depths of her
Saw the moons reflection on her surface 
He heard the echo of their tomorrows

Did he demand too much?
Drink too deeply?
Wish with too much intensity?

As he stands there
He starts to cry
Tears falling into her
Flowing like a stream
Intermingling with dust
She is filled once again
There are no words to explain
Her spring releases into his
Her well overflows
A lake appears
Her sweetness mixed with his tears
He thought she had gone away 
Now He can finally see
Joined as one truly free

She was never meant to be contained
Within well walls her heart constrained 
So now they both frolic under open air
The moon and sun horizons to share.





Details | Free verse | |

Scars Left Behind

You were always honest
unfortunately it didn't extend to yourself

Regal persona was never exceeded by your accomplishments
If only you were as important as you thought others thought you were

Some bring joy when they enter a room
no one would ever accuse you of that
Leaving was always the best gift you could offer

Being you could not have been easy
No friends to speak of
accept one
maybe not even him
I think he froze in your shadow
He has begun to thaw in your absence

Strangely I miss you
Not entirely sure why
Do I in some weird way owe you for my success?
Without you I would not have been born

You are gone
Certainly not forgotten
The scars are my reminder
A multitude of memories mark my soul
Not your typical father son fare
Norman Rockwell wouldn't paint our picture
I wish I could remember happier times
some wishes don't come true

Eventually our nightmare came to an end
You gave us the gift of leaving
Am I evil for being Thankful?
You died alone
Should I have flown to be by your side?
Perhaps
Somehow it seems fitting you parted in this way
If I had come I may not have been able to hide my relief
Now we both have rest



Scars Left Behind Contest
By: Richard Lamoureux


Details | Free verse | |

Whitney Elizabeth Houston: Gone Too Soon

A Tribute to a beautiful Lady with a beautiful soul...

A melodious voice was her forte
With perfect range she could sing anything
From nursery rhymes to R & B love songs
She rendered each one with perfect pitch

Her voice seemed to  sparkle; as clear as a bell
Thrilling audiences in church; filling concert halls
Nurtured by her Mother who sang Gospel tunes
Always her mentor at home and on world tours

Her gift was eagerly shared with young and old
How love for her expanded our globe
This journey was not always kind to her
She was taken to places she’d never been

And the  world was saddened by the change
Fans and family prayed and she survived the fall
She came back broken; we cried and loved her anyway
Whitney Elizabeth Houston, another genius at her craft… gone too soon!!!
RIP!
~*~

02/11/12


Details | Free verse | |

Time In Slow Motion

From the parlor window,
 She looks beyond the decrepit wooden rails
   of the low fence
      where five Rhode Island Reds graze around in tall brown grass
                                hunting grasshoppers
One cock sits perched on a post, in the shade of an elm
                                                          keeping watch 
Down the deserted asphalt road,
     Heat waves blur the horizon
        A dusty whirlwind has picked up a tumbleweed
          And spins it against nearby barbed wire that surrounds the coop
               The sound of the windmill moans a painful whine

She looks with empty eyes, at the room around her,
 An old clock ticks away the minutes in slow motion
      The mantel displays photographs of a life she hardly recalls
              
She lays her hand on the desk, 
  picks up the phone that never rings and carefully listens to the dial tone 
Then once again looks out the window
      And gazes out at the gravel driveway, toward someone not coming


Details | Free verse | |

A Little Angel

A little angel came to Earth one day. but he didn't come here to stay. Three years was his time limit. His parents did not know it then, but God for him, had a plan. The day he was born, to everyone he brought joy. His parents loved him from the start. Manuel Zachary was his name. He grew up pretty quick. While he was here, he spread smiles, love and star dust everywhere. His family loved him very much. He was their little Angel from above. Three years he was here to spread his love and joy. One day he heard a call. It was God calling him home. His parents couldn't understand - why with them - he couldn't stay. Now he is back where he belongs and from there he watches over them. Every now and than he gives them a sign. He spreads some star dust, to let them know that he is still around... 08/14/2012 Written by Lucilla M. Carrillo Comments: This did happened. I was asked to write this poem. Hope you like it.


Details | Free verse | |

Depression

Depression

3 o’clock in the morning…
The sounds of bed frames hitting drywall,
The sounds of Chopin and Coltrane played
With a hint of sadness in tone.
Sounds of whores and pimps arguing;
“Where is the money, you whore?!”
“I don’t have the money!”
A sound of a slap to the face
A big hand crushing bone,
Blood everywhere
Red streaks on white walls.
The sound of drunks walking gloomy streets,
Police and ambulance rush down burned out streets
Sirens wailing, crying out!

A child, six years old
Crying, “Momma! Momma!”
Shedding tears over his dying mother, lost her soul to the
Crack pipe.
Rest In Peace.
A sound of a .357 magnum revolver click
And a gunshot shakes the nerves of many,
And for a moment the sweet and peaceful silence.

“Dispatch, suicide on 46th street Hollywood Boulevard, Send the Corner. Over.”
Then the darkness sails over
And the entire cities are showered with tears from the heavens,
But no one weeps,
Not a single soul…

-10/2/13-


Details | Free verse | |

Concentric Circles

I’m here.
Holding up the sky

It will not fall on you
Not again
In these days once more
When you tell me you canna do it
Not again

Stuttering intakes of breathless oceans apart
Yet so close as to tingle fingertips
Gasping at familiar melodies of desert songbirds

The smell of earth after a rainstorm
Two thousand miles of trust
Between us

And the origin of this collaboration
Of souls
Back to the beginning
Of recognition of you of me and
Me of you and
      There is no end

Not this day
Nor tomorrows ever will I
Leave you

For I would cease to breathe.

For my Devin


Details | Free verse | |

For Suzanne, Green and Golden

“The October night comes down; returning as before
Except for a slight sensation of being ill at ease
I mount the stairs and turn the handle of the door
And feel as if I had mounted on my hands and knees.”
----- “Portrait of a Lady;” T. S. Eliot

A golden afternoon,
Late October, and my thoughts
Are all of you, Suzanne…
Vestiges of your being
Appear on visages of 
A hundred different people;
But none are you, not one 
As green,  as golden.

Hard it is to know no miracle
Will mend, no giddy hope assuage,
The scourge that slowly puts an end
To our valiant green and golden girl.
Memory takes us to days of indolence,
Of innocence, of children lying on a levee,
Deep in lush, green, summer clover --
In sunlight almost as golden
As your hair -- beside a flowing river
Bearing away our golden hours
And the painless green  of youth.
 
Now, in your green room, reclined
In shadow, our golden girl reposes.
Your courage lights the coming night
That does not dim the gold and green
You always shared, and still you share.



Details | Free verse | |

In Search of the Quiet

I’m tilling to forget that night 
of fire and betrayal.
Turning the soil over, over and over,
over days months eons.

Waiting to be fed when belly
aches with hunger and thirst.
Did you have to poke out my eyes?
Make me remember silk?

I am a thousand fists shaken
in night sky. I am broken
on gravelly field, a puzzle, 
my boiling blood walked off

left me skin stretched under hot sun
bleached bones poke out.
The others walked off in disgust
when you left us without.

Once our riverside hideout
let us launch our toy ships,
rode bubbles, slid over rock
churning fast and away...

The baby down pasted nest no
longer holds us inside,
too noisy, cramped in quiet spots	
by sea, beg drown sorrow.

I’m tilling to forget, turn soil
over and over, hope to eat,
hope the fire that escaped our soil
hope it was just a dream.

Hope you didn't steal our resources,
steal all our heritage.
We have no future echoes loud
down the halls of lost time.

We did the tilling that launched you
into a tomorrow. 
There you are, sailing free, happy.
We remain. Left behind.


Details | Free verse | |

Scar Tissue

Oh, the wounds, the gaping wounds
The wounds that never truly heal
Merely self-sutured, leaving jagged scars
left to swell, ooze and re-infect
A temporary stop-gap, a leaking dam
built to hold back the raging river of pain...

Oh, would that the scars would explode,
burst open and gush out
Gush out in primal fury,
leaving me helpless and drained
Helpless and drained before the Almighty
who is able not to simply close and smooth them over,
but who is able to brutally and lovingly rip them loose
Oh yes, He is able and willing; if I am willing...

(Partly inspired by events spanning the last 13 years)



Details | Free verse | |

Empty

And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty

You were my boxer in the night
Sparred with you 
About every aspect of
Life

My secret tonic
Made everything
Feel alright
Got me through it all
All the frustrations
Disappointments of 
Life

And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty

We called each other friend
Even when
Our bodies came together
That single
Lunatic
Moment

That single 
Lunatic
Time

And it felt so 
Full
You made me feel
Full
How can I describe 
The full
Full
Full

My life was full
When you laughed
It felt so full even
When you 
Cried

The times I was mean

And my body left
Your body
After 
That single
Lunatic 
Time

And so we pretended 
We were just
Friends
In the end
We pretended
Then

And now you’re 
Gone

And I can barely speak
Or write 
I can barely write
A 
Single
Meaningful
Poetic
Word

And there’s a quiet room
In my mind
Where your laughter
Once
Played
My innocent child
Woman
Gone 
Away

How can I describe
The Empty
Empty 
Empty

How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty

How can I describe
The
Way
I
Feel?


Details | Free verse | |

Searching

it's the unconditional love that always takes me back
it's the words of encouragement that you never seemed to lack
from that first day your soul graced my trying world of need
you brought such a loving peace
I never wanted you to leave
to you my priceless friend of hope
your beauty still shines true
I think of your laughter everyday
and each tear
that bound us true
I wonder just what could have been
it's funny how lives push on
the days they pass so quickly now
and my heart, it does cry out
if only one thing I hold  so dear
and  will never, ever let go
it's the hope deep within in my heart
that one day your love, once again will console.... 

o why....
o why did you go....


_________________________________________


Contest ~ "Ode To A Friend"


Details | Free verse | |

The Justice of the Crossroads

They've hung on him a For sale tag
He's wearing a stale old plastic bag
And the rest of him is in rags
The whole world passes by him
Stops and stares, or points at whim
Mad Marley stands there everyday 
Without  a job without the pay
He knew no place but where he stood 
On that busy trafficked crossing road
He was waiting for something to happen there
Perhaps the justice that the judges couldn't spare
Of some  long forgotten clash of cars 
That had claimed his life and all its hours
So there he stood all the time
As the crowd of cars grew in line
Then one day, a day like any other 
He saw a car hit another
And out fell a man, the man with the scar
Who had killed his wife and children with his car
A drop of blood trickled down the man's nose
Mirroring Mad Marley's teardrops as he rose
He removed his for sale tag and plastic bag
Took out the bullet that, for these 18 years he had, had
And the rusted barrel of the gun
He had sworn he would use to avenge his son

Mad Marley fell on the pavement alone and dead
With the bullet lodged inside his head


Details | Free verse | |

The Long Night

This lost sorrowed soul 
Gropes for sanity 
In the presence of a dark moon, 
Waiting to begin her life anew 
Like her sister in the sky 
After both are drained 
From all their light. 
Wild winds blow fierce tonight--
Beating trees to bow low 
And causing great waves to 
Rise and crash upon the shore.

A long cold night to reflect 
Upon disheartened lives 
Changed forever by 
This insidious war.
When sleep finally arrives 
There are no dreams,
Just frightful nightmares 
In fitful restless sleep.
At sunrise it is still cold, 
But there is light.






Details | Free verse | |

Gone To The Other Side

                                            Farewell my friend
                                            Now you are gone
                             Cremated from earthly shape to ashes
                Never will I feel your warmth and unconditioned love again
                                   You are not suffering anymore
                           I always knew that this day would come
                                        Yet I were not prepared
                                    To witness my lifelong friend
                   Being enclosed by deaths unwilling power to leave you be
                          Your illness could never have been healed
                        Yet,when the day death embraced your body
                      It was a smack right into my face and emotions
  
          The day that we spread your ashes over the deep forest you loved so much
                                          We were done crying
                                 Because your presence were there
                                          We could all feel it
                               Your energy and spirit are still with us
                             Time will come when we shall meet again
                            Since you stepped over to the next dimesion
                              Days feels empty with a deafening silence

              Until death embraces my earthly life,and our spirits have rejoined
                  I shall live my life here to honour your name and legacy
                                     Farewell my lifelong friend
                                                  So long
                                We`ll meet again on the other side
            Memories we have from your time on earth,will refuel my empty soul
                                           And keep me going
                                        Rest in piece my friend



About this poem..I belive we will all be reunited when our time here is done.

Cheers my friends out there


Details | Free verse | |

Lifeless


The dusk casts its shadow upon the land
robbing the light,
setting the stage for caliginosity .

Moonlight faint against transitioning light
stretches eerie fingers onto a land 
that allows no man.

Twisted steel, mimicking an uncanny monster,
stationary,
only its shadow moves with moon passing.

Silence, cold and unrelenting as death
is undisturbed by gentle breeze,
yet,
faintly, a rustle interrupts calling attention be paid,
will be ignored forever more.

Huge sockets once capable of sight
blindly bear witness,
a planet once beautiful and bright,
races through the universe
devoid of life.


Details | Free verse | |

The Sadness In My Soul

The Sadness in my Soul At first it was joy, many hugs and kisses we gave eachother. Life was smiling at us. We went to many places, you and I. We never had fights, or big time arguments. We just lived happy, back in those days. The years passed and we were still together. I thought that nothing could cloud our happiness. Destiny has a date to keep. One day God called you and you went with Him. I was left alone - not knowing what to do. Now I sit here remembering the past, looking at old pictures. The sadness in my soul is - looking at those pictures and knowing that you are not here anymore...
10/15/2013 Written by Lucilla M. Carrillo


Details | Free verse | |

Disappearing Ink

given my heart words

the brain cannot decipher
synapses fire in desperation
fingers laze, do not will a pen to write them
keys not evident to type them

morning fog, evaporated sunlight 
cling frozen to winter cold
too quick the change, notice for a moment
vanish to safekeeping, locked away

still I search for that code


Details | Free verse | |

Dreamers Dance

Her thoughts drift out the window
on the cool autumn breeze
and a smile creeps upon her withered face
as she remembers the first time she saw
this house
This house that is so old and worn
like her heart
and she sways to the music in her mind
as a tune tumbles from her memory
she dances and twirls across the floor
as the melody carries her dream
back to the days when he was still alive
and would sweep her into his arms
and kiss her wrinkled brow
she stops in mid-stride and a tear rolls
down her leathery cheek
and she smiles
a smile for the love they shared
when they were caught up in their
dreamers dance.


Details | Free verse | |

Brain Surgery with a Pen

So I tried to laugh it off, told myself that it was fine
The blood stains on the ground help me feel alive
I look to you to end the nightmare with a happy dream
Before you made it, I fell to pieces, and I lost everything.
I don't know what hurts the most-
Knife in side or stone in throat,
All I know is that this room won't quit spinning.

I wake in blood
I wake in sweat
Is this my life?
Who's in my head?
I woke up bleeding
Tears from my eyes
I said I'm sorry
For using my life.

Wake me up blackness darkness.
Let me fester inside my mind.
Let this cancer grow to completion.
Put a choke-hold on the heart.
I can't lie that the knife went deep,
My pen cut deeper...


Details | Free verse | |

Thoughtless

Starry nights remind me of 
those time 
we stay up all night 
waiting for shooting stars 
to weave our dreams with, 
those times when your love 
is unceasingly flowing 
like the river 
and that 
holding hands seem 
the only thing that matters 
in this world, 
those were 
perfect moments I 
thought would last 
but then 
Van Gogh must be right 
to paint the stars with 
shades of blue and gray 
for you have left me 
with tears 
and broken promises 
and I will forever wonder 
if wishes 
under shooting stars 
do really come true.


Details | Free verse | |

A Granddaughter's Pain

That horrible day she heard those words.
The cawing of those dreadful birds.
The pain in her chest found its way to her eyes.
Her breath came out in only short sighs.
Her sister there to hold her hand,
Trying to be strong for the both of them.
The day had come, they knew it would.
But faster than it probably should.
They made as much noise as they possibly could.
Anything to  keep away the silence of death,
And as the tears kept falling, 
they did their best,
To try and forget this disastrous mess.
But as hard as they denied it, 
they knew it was true.
He was gone from this world, 
wasn’t meant for it too.
The last words he spoke, 
were held to be true.
“ when all the feelings had been felt,
And all the tears shed.
Let the acceptance begin.”
They echoed again and again.


Details | Free verse | |

Pain and Love

Pain is suddenly being left alone
its when you lose someone who was everything
pain is when you don't know what to do
when all seems to be falling in on you
pain is when you have no one to dry your tears
or hold you in the night
when everything seems a fright
pain is just hurting because you feel all alone
and don't have anyone to hear you call out in the night
its when you walk and walk and walk, and have no where to go
pain is all these things and more;
but somewhere - sometime - a gentle soul enters your life
and gives you a smile, 
dries your tears, and lets you know that you're not alone.
you find that pain is no longer controlling your life
when this gentle soul shows you the way
its when you can tell them:
when I lost my smile,
you gave me yours;
when I needed a friend,
you were there;
when I didn't know what to do,
you showed me;
for all that you have been, and all that you are -
I will love you.


Dedicated to my wife, Janet - for all that you have been and are.


Details | Free verse | |

Dark Wonderland

Falling down the rabbit hole,
tumbling, twisting, uncontrolled.
Regret filled voices fill the void,
each one calling out my name.
Caught in fractured dreams,
reflections of my true self haunt me.
Blood red shards fill the air,
no love remains here.
Bitter pieces of a broken mind,
seeking out my personal truth.
Step through the shattered mirror with me,
and see this unreality.


Details | Free verse | |

Collage

He looks
At the collage
With glassy eyes
The pieces of the puzzle of him
The memories that have been stolen
Swept away 
Vanquished

An occasional glimmer
A spark of recognition
His dear mother
She had taught him three languages
Now he barely remembers one
The contours of her face make him smile
She had formed the poet
The professor
This lover of words
Sadly only fragments of him remain

Pictures of his sons
Long absent from his life
Their happy faces
A facade of happier times that could have been
Intelligence and expectations
his curse
his gift
They felt the weight of his words placed on their hearts
They never felt good enough
smart enough
not like him the great man
The reader and translator of superior minds
Honored
Knighted by kings
Celebrated
The pictures part of his collage
Proof that he was here
That his life was real
Not imagined
Others remember
Yet mercifully he forgets
The sadder parts

The picture of the car
The brother that was killed
The blame that was heaped on him
Him the unsuspecting child
The scars he carried through his days until now
He hopes to continue to remember how to forget
Not afraid of death
No longer lost in regret
The collage of him
Pictured moments
Displayed In no particular order
Words 
Images
A chair occupied
A mind denied
Still within
The poet trapped 
Continues life's ride



I wrote this poem about the famous Poet Edwin Honig after watching a 
documentary about him filmed by his cousin. "First Cousin Once Removed."



Details | Free verse | |

You loss me

You took my feelings and casted them aside. As you played your games with my mind. Broke my heart and tore it apart. I believed your words that flowed from your heart. What for? I am asking myself now? Just to be made the fool in everyone’s eyes. Well I am here to tell you to move on. You have already out stayed your welcome. Never will I cry another tear drop for you. Never will your name touch my lips again. You hurt me once and that’s all you get I will not fall back into your web of lies and guilt. You loss this friendship along with me. I hope your games were worth it in the end.


Details | Free verse | |

My Notebook

Stimulating ideas pop into your head
You need a pen…you need a piece of lined paper 
It looks like you’re outtah luck…no wonder you’re drowning in dread
You need a shoulder to lie your head down for a moment’s rest… 
You need a helper…to aid you while you struggle emotionally…
I’m not trying to irritate you purposely

Try with all your might…try your best
To stay optimistic and fervent 
I believe that you’ll pass the test
Be upbeat, kindhearted and jubilant  

I appreciate the words you wrote on my notebook…
Sometimes, I feel like leftovers left on the counter…
I’m a rotten mess – you’re leaving me as if I’m an uninteresting book 
Sometimes, I feel like a coward – I don’t mean to bother…

But, you’re like no other . . .

You’re like a mat – you’re constantly stepped on…
I’m like YOUR unwanted tool – 
I stepped on you and
Pushed your buttons
I accused you of being the fool 
When, in fact, I’m the fool by your side…
You’re drifting…pushing me aside…

I’m writing words of truth though – 
Expressing how much I’m fond of you 

I esteem your presence
Glowing with glee 
At times, you do say things without thinking 
I’m the god of distress – 
You’re leaving me breathless 
Cutting me down like I’m some decaying tree
You don’t see how much you make me…
Guilty for your crimes
Taking the blame about the hundredth time 

At times, I feel that I’m awkward when I’m around you

You’re like a backpack – you carry everyone’s weight…
You’re like a sponge – soaking in our stress
I’m a distraction to you – you’re wasting valuable time…but don’t hesitate 
I’m writing words of self-centered feelings – logic doesn’t exist…
But these feelings aren’t as bad as committing a crime
These feelings come and go – I just had to confess 
I didn’t mean to screw up your progress…

Hey, if you need a few sheets of paper to right on, 
Use me like a notebook instead…and write with all your might
It seems as if you read me…like a book that drags on and on 
Use me as your tool of relaxation… and read me all night  

When you wrote those words on my notebook…
It made my day…you’re such a delight 
Like reading a fascinating, classic book


Details | Free verse | |

FRAIL GIANT

A nation at war with itself
A father sucking his daughter's breasts
A child cheering at her mother's pain

My heart is heavily laden
My soul bleeds profusely
disaster comes with every meal
Tragedy is my morning shower


Irrational has attained rational
To err has become acceptable
Abnormality is now being celebrated
the corpse is rot but we still court it


My phobia for ills have been suppressed
My mates scorn my many woes
My behind is the house of humor
My back is like a senile penis


Indeed,I was made to be great
How my success got waylaid?
is a mystery beyond my big head
My name,my friend,is Nigeria

How did i go wrong?


Details | Free verse | |

* denial is so easy

Mom, there is something I have to 
tell you about dad, he comes in to my 
room at night, we play this game'
it's just between 'us' he said then he 
leaves and goes to bed.

I know you won't believe me but 
it's true, please don't be mad at me,'
the girl said.
'You are a 'liar' her mom screamed now
get out of my face and get to bed.

Late, that night on the nightly news they
reported about 'a little girl who had been
killed from being beaten black and blue
by her parents, the girls mom was 'apalled'.

Her mom said 'how could any parent do that
to their own kid'!?
The girl sat confused, she had just told mom
about what her dad did and her mom called
her a 'liar' it's just 'denial is so easy'.


Details | Free verse | |

ECHOES OF GLITTER

"Splendor in the Grass" can hardly breathe
A beauty in the fearful, destined waters
Not even Santa Catalina can lift up Natalie -
An angel fallen in the hands of Evil -

Macabre mask of rotten jealousy
The arm of selfishness pushes her with force
Her screams for help fall on empty ears
As men do nothing but drink themselves to satisfaction...

If you ever sail at night to Catalina Island
And think you see the city lights come close
You'll hear Maria's echo in the "Westside Story"
And watch the glow of glitter of a fallen star...


Dedicated to Natalie Wood on the day the authorities re-opened her case 2011


For Nette's Contest "Glow of Glitter"

copyright@iolanda scripca 2011








Details | Free verse | |

Remembering World War 1

William Thomas Pickering, 2nd Battalion Royal Fusiliers, G/3371 born 1881 died 1916 
Commemorated by name on the Thiepval Memorial, France.



Remembrance day ..
A field of bright red poppies dance
As I walk hand in hand with my children
Through the battle fields of the Somme
In my pocket, I have a bunch of wheat
A token memory from where he fell
At peace, to have walked where he walked

As the poppies begin to fade....
I hear the thunder of guns, shrieking shells
I see a vast sea of dismembered bodies
A No-Man’s Land of mud and wire
A military display of fireworks dispersing
Casting light on this horrific hell on earth

For underneath the poppies lie, the remains
Of so many men who died, blown to pieces;
Where a river of blood will forever bleed
Passed on from generation to generation
The great loss of war, which nobody wins
As I remember my Great-Grandfather
William Thomas Pickering.....


Details | Free verse | |

Skin Deep

If I could dream
for anything
I would dream of Peace, Love
and Unity
for all Bloods & Crips
all gangs, are in need of a change
for you represent such ignorance
and scrutiny 
Difference in colors worn
Sides in which you were born
are truly all that divides
when the two opposing sides
collide
and it makes no sense
for we all Bleed
Blue turned Red
Blood Inside
And a future generation
is hard to provide
when death, is like your shadow
creepin' up by your side
and drive-by shootings happen
each late night, outside
where running seems the only option
to know
for no places to hide
no defense for your demise
for a difference in colors worn
and what side in which you were born
is truly all that divides
when these two sides collide
and it makes no sense to me
for we all Bleed
Blue turned Red
Blood Inside


Details | Free verse | |

Healing Begins

I find myself sprawled on the floor
Frantically trying to gather the pieces
My heart has been shattered
Jagged, sharp, crimson colored shards
I lay wounded, unaware of my surrounding
The surface is hard and cold, a slab of granite
A crowd of onlookers, strangers stop to stare
They gasp in disbelief at the spectacle
I have a front row seat, standing room only
The sunlight has pierced my soul, I lay exposed
Heartbroken, abandoned, dignity is out the window
I'm holding a bloody big chunk of my heart
I tell myself, breathe in, breath out
I close my eyes, so that I may see with clarity
With eyes closed, the view is breathtaking
Healed, healthy, vibrant and alive
Still with my eyes closed, wide open,  I see the crowd
They begin to applaud, then quickly disperse
I become the lone witness as my heart heals itself
As the darkness explodes into sunlight, triumph
Delete sadness. Insert hope. 
I hear someone in the crowd singing my song

~Rick Berry


Details | Free verse | |

Precipice of Tme

Stand I here upon the Precipice of Time
between madness and derangement-
In a grief so profound
ambiance of rage,
with darkening clouds abound
marring my every breath
Declaration to  your joy unsound.

Yet- from this stance
I envision you, my perfect
seraphim of light-
aching for you 
Ceaselessly grasping for that which
I have no chance.
Grasping – bent in half 
weeping-
My corrupt nature defies
All I hold sacred and true-

You need know 
My soul rages in disparity-
Immortally, hourly, minutely, secondly…
ETERNALLY-
I cry.
The Dragon’s shadow awaits me.

Shapes, wraithlike and laughing-
clawing… dragging…shadows
eerily baffling.
Veiled obscurity- most refuse to see
This sickening reality
Tis only righteous- to set you free…
Paled I am by another’s word- 
his creed, I  allowed this blasphemy 
Unable, enable, culpable-
Guilty, frailty, unreality, liable.
Covet, yearn, anticipation- keen ambition
overshadows  any austere regulation-

We two do stand upon this Precipice of time
My love stands as most depraved of crimes-
Stolen and deceived- Options extinct
Surrender is an unnatural ailment for me.



- dedicated to my Seraphim


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye

We don’t have a future
We had a past
We don’t have a presence
Because our love did not last

We don’t have a tomorrow
We had a memory
We thought our love was forever
Because we shared so much together
But we lost our memories

We don’t have a hope
We had a prayer
We had a slim chance of moving forward
Because our love died many years before 
When we stopped loving 
When we stopped coping
When we stopped hoping


Details | Free verse | |

We Met Halfway

I met you halfway.
Why did you have to take the bigger half?
I held your heart in my broken fingers,
my throbbing nerves were soothed by the cold.

You lashed out at me, 
breaking through my second skin.
Perhaps you thought it was armor.
Leaving me sitting, 
crying,
halfway between heartache and sorrow. 

I looked at you with contorted eyes.
Listened with my popped eardrums.
You sang your maniacal song.
Fortunately I could not hear,
I was halfway under the ocean of my fears.
Afraid of losing you,
being lost in you,
losing my mind.

Halfway not moving,
stuck.
Wanting you. 
Why you?
Why me?
There can be no meeting halfway!
I chose different,
that was no place to stay.
I turned,
I ran,
went my seperate way.
All the while you chose,
to sit and cry.
For some strange reason stayed.

Locked, 
lost,
in our yesterday.
Halfway from reaching,
grasping,
understanding,
that for us,
there is no tomorrow.





For Archaic Poet's first contest.

His poem that I re-imagined is called "Meet Me Half Way"


Details | Free verse | |

Power Of Love

"When the power of love
overcomes the love of life,
peace and contentment 
extend the hand of remembrance."


Details | Free verse | |

The Great Blasket Islands

Visits long ago 
to the Blaskets Islands,
to untouched areas 
on the Dingle peninsula
came to mind 
on this sleet winter’s eve.

The peninsula,
nestled in heather mountains.
The coastline,
tongues of lonely white sand.
waved rocks,
drenched in blue mussels
tide pools, 
alive with shrimps and periwinkles
A sea-salted life
unspoiled and free.

Only marine life remains,
but I still hear the music
our native language,
the voices of Seanchaí
the ballads, sean?s, 
Peig Sayers
who shaped our school years,
her renditions of island life
her mad pise?gs,
handed down 
from generation to generation.

Stories of
Islanders huddled together
under thatch,
open turf fires
cooking pot on a hook,
the sweet air wafting
of clay pipe tobacco
a pinch of snuff
sniffed from a silver box,
nursing a glass 
of neat Poitín, uisce beatha,
the strong smell of tweeds
and geansaí báinín.

I think of times lost,
changed forever.
Cottage ruins,
where goats roam free,
An Blascaod Mór
my history, my heritage.

Gaelic words in this poem


* Seanchaí – storytellers
Sean?s – singing without music
Peig Sayers and her mad pise?gs – A Gaelic writer who we studied in school and her mad superstitions.
Poitín, uisce beatha – very strong alcohol made from potatoes, called the water of life.
geansaí báinín – strong sheep wool sweaters usually in a cream colour with complex patterns.





Details | Free verse | |

Loss Fills the Plate Where Once, Tomorrow Reined

A great despair...
Heavy and burdensome..
Hangs like wet wool, covering the motionless night...
From a door...
Within the depths of self...
Realization springs forth...
Uncoiling, like a serpent in strike....
Time is the great equalizer of man...
It paints the picture of truth...
For we all march daily towards death and deliverance...
Loss fills the plate...
Where once,
Tomorrow reined.....TAH


Details | Free verse | |

not wearing glasses

I walk through thin veils
of colored light and carefully
tread upon gleaming shards 
of precious glass -
broken and neatly scattered 
upon arctic bathroom tiles.

Each sliver reflects
a single piece of your 
perfect anatomy.
An arm, a leg, an eyeball -
a swollen horizontal speck
perceiving a soloist’s surrender 
outside a witch’s mirror.

I cried your name 
in between
loathsome waves of solitude 
this past weekend -
weightless letters floating 
above my bleeding passion
like starved vultures 
gleaning over carrion.

Did you know the affection 
I’ve smothered you with
these past thirty years 
is beginning to smell 
like dirty nylon socks?
I use them now to 
dampen my bloated eyes.

You're fitly ignorant 
of my extended limbs 
and repressed sorrows.
They covet apparel
not filamented with
fleece and falsities.
Your rehearsed kisses 
are dressed in dull razors -
rendering my lips 
gauged and coarsely 
cracked.

I took a shotgun 
to the nightlight last evening
and prayed as I reached for you 
through strands of tattered muslin.
I was hoping to grasp
a parcel of your fading glint
and humbly touch 
your jagged aura -

I foolishly cut my hands.











Details | Free verse | |

Blind Faith

Author Note: Entry into Blind Faith Contest


At the end of days,
the earth displays its anger,
Clouds part,
heaven awaits,
choosing life,
I depart.


Details | Free verse | |

Pump Starved

I Hope You're Reading These,

Because Although We Cannot 

Be Together, We Made So Much 

Sense...

I Will Always Love You


Details | Free verse | |

Glimmers of hope

The candles we light in honor of your name
Reflect the brightness you gave to our lives
Burn away at the darker side surrounding
Giving way to freedom's path for your spirit
Helping bring healing to the hearts that miss you
Binding you in mind, faith and prayer
So your memory can live on and bring comfort
To those that walk in hope, with you beside them


Details | Free verse | |

Pocket Watch

Technological age.
Advancement of advancement,
Digital acceleration unlimited.

Gifted and pocketed,
This watch,
Dull dark silver,
True and tested mechanic,
Short and sturdy chain,
Analogue accuracy.

It fits comfortably in my jeans pocket,
Ages alongside my creasing lines with wear marks,
Time isn't well kept with its adolescent sporadic tock,
Certain to be set to be kept at a minute ahead,
I am directed to watch this future unfold,
While it clings to my pocket lining and present time,
And the engravings pull me back to the past,
You told me not to let this time pass me by,
As you held me tight before you passed me by,
And I never kept very good time like this
Fresh watch that sticks close to my side,
I cannot say that you were lost,
For the path you had set was more set than stone,
No improper implication should be allowed,
The wallowing whispers that beg me every which way,
They told me to go away from the very place
That I had interest to stay and investigate,
The stars sway with no stationary complaint,
Our night sky that's not so city bright,
Contains a dim white plate in-between its phase,
Much like my pocket of space it hangs,
A witless glow behind the cloudy night.

I am no more than I was except for a simple realization,
To look back and find I am not the same as I was,
Commonly known as growing up and moving on,
But I know I'll be happy in just a few short years,
Just glad I am not the same as I am now.


Details | Free verse | |

I love you

I love you...

What is love if it does not have two shared parts.
I can love you with all my heart but that doesnt make us true to heart.
True love is when both people love eachother and can't stand to be apart.

I love you...

But waiting for you to love me too is reaking my heart.


Details | Free verse | |

THE EMPTY CHAIR

THE EMPTY CHAIR The empty chair sits in the corner Where my darling mother used to sit Her glasses on her nose, her book upon her lap Sometimes she crocheted, sometimes she wrote Long poems of lost love or letters to her brood Sometimes she'd look at me and smile And say I'd turned out well In spite of all the angst. Of course we fought and spat and cried But most times we'd laugh and giggle For two peas in a pod is truly what we were But now she's gone, there's not much left but tears Now my toddler sits and rocks upon the floor He points towards the chair and laughs at it with glee I look at him in wonder and ponder what he sees. c ELR 2013


Details | Free verse | |

Dear Love

If I die hanging,
Hang in there.
If I die drowning,
Row ashore.
If I die falling,
Never look down.
If I die bleeding,
Remain sanguine.
If I die poisoning,
Lose no appetite.
If I die suffocating,
Breathe no regret.

Alas, more importantly;
If I die tomorrow,
Promise me, dear,
Have no sorrow...
For even if I die today:
My love will not, come what may.


Details | Free verse | |

Drunken with Wine


My pen drunken with wine channels my deepest thoughts rambling over blank paper flowing over emptiness with words to encourage The pen shall not betray like love once did killing the soul My rebirth is inevitable I am but who am I to ask for love's showers to stay warm caressing my heart with strong masculine arms? No, not me I will not ask for the icy waters to end its numbing deception Pen capture my value my worth with your drunken ink Do not smear with my tears let my voice be heard from the page A smile was once a curl of his hair shining in moonlight wrapped around my finger His soft touch nothing but callousness I know I will learn to look in the mirror and smile I must learn to love myself Break away from my pain dear pen and flow like a river cleansing my soul giving me a fresh start The mother in me is my reason to survive I cannot aimlessly float like driftwood through life I shall dive deeper and swim past the strongest currents The tumultuous waters are yesterday's drink swirling in my glass Drunken pen be my courage Lift me from my words to flights of hope in sunlight with colors of the rainbow coming to rest in God's hands The wine has gone from my pen to my head The room spins as letters create words emotions fly above me I will drink another glass and toast to life love courage tomorrow Every tomorrow no matter what comes my way Who will surrender? Not I By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, May 3, 2012 for Drunken Pen contest (Elliott Bowe)


Details | Free verse | |

Through the veil

I see you as if reflected
in your dressing table mirrors
or the waters of the old garden pond

You hear me through the echos
or whistling little answers 
things you've not quite placed 
from through the veil
That separates the times of life and death

You see me through the window
In the nature of the robin
Know when I'm around 
through scents you breathe

I leave you little signs
like a solitary pure white feather
Place where you can find it
So you know my love I'm with you
Just a simple little pleasure shows I live

But my dear I wait here for you
As I bless you with my presence
I walk through troubled times right by your side
And I fight the good fight with you in my stride

I see those tears of sadness
When your head is on your pillow
Now that you know I am still with you
Perhaps now you can smile and shine with pride
For you know within your conscience I'm your guide


Details | Free verse | |

Snippets

These were all former PIMs -- "poetry in motion" entries

I.
desert stillness shrouds
their adversary lairs
twilight's muted thunder
betrays the nearby
stealthy moon

II.
pale gold ribbons
fiery soft skies
sea haze streaks a thin mountain path
as day begins

III.
kitchen pans, pity, pungent cheese
and garden lace -- the matriarch
dripping decay
with her mild gentility

IV.
winter snow, ice
slow spring melt
rain-drowned torrent ocean bound flow
placid river drift
debris of desire

V.
drifting memories
of lakes
water lapping against land
heartbeats floating on the breeze
the water reflects your face
look away

VI.
the chalky moon
creases midnight clouds
blue shades of lovers
walk a powdery sky
chortle at the other's close proximity


Details | Free verse | |

Escape

He stares at the wall for hours gone by,
 shoulders stooped, 
 drawn inward ever so slightly, indicate his level of relaxation.
Eyes dimmed by years of constant strain, 
try to focus on a small crack in plaster troweled in his youth.

His right hand scratches senselessly the stubble of some days growth;
while his left hand thumps a silent rhythm upon his arthritic knee.
 His smile
 fixed, drawn up, distorted, 
a permanent reminder of last summers stroke.

His ears, 
 hear not activity surrounding him, 
 too proud to admit further disability, 
prefers the silence that further isolates him from undesired memory. 

He has no reason to speak, 
 no one would hear, 
his beautiful Marie died last year.

Alone,
 he suffers all of life's pain, his only escape, 
a small crack in plaster, troweled in his youth.


Details | Free verse | |

It The Everyday Struggle That Make The Man

It The Everyday Struggle That Make The Man


This struggle we live in,this world is or enemy and our friend we fight to see it beautiful.Have you ever heard "I've given up all hope and am ready to die to day"
I'm sorry but this is more this is not some joke have you no heart have you no thought on what someone other then you have to deal with.I want to see the smiling faces of everyone that a longing dream since the day i could walk,Dreams are meant to be kept close,hearts are meant to be keep open,life is meant to be filled to the fullest.How can you say forget it and go and prepare to be put 6 feet under? I'm taking on life building up this life to see a better future for those who think they have none.Who am I to say people are crazy when I myself am crazy.Who has never been grief sicken in't human to the least.I say to those out there it is an everyday struggle that make a boy into a man and a girl into a woman,but if there is love there then this is what should be said"it is beautiful to love but to love is to know how to grieve".


Details | Free verse | |

Tohoku -- When Worlds Have Altered

On an early spring day, washed brilliant with clover
In the land of the sun, and sweet cherry blossom
A tremble, a rumble, that rattled the earth
Cracking open the spring day, like the devil's own plaything 
Plates of dispute, on the edge of destruction
Beneath the sea’s surface…anger's wrath lies in waiting…

It came with no warning, …a mighty surge of horror
A tower of strength, to this tiny island flower
The harsh call of nature, came boldly from the shore
Relentless, the shaking, battering to the core
And altered the earth with a shattering shrill
Spilling despair, in a pillage of flurry 
Killing the helpless,     yet… leaving the courage

O’ land, of gentle people, wearing dignity’s expression
Those from afar, watched on with compassion
We gasped, then we cried, yet are awed with impressions
How hands helping hands, and courage ensued
Kind hearts, claimed the bruised, and calmed the confused 
You banded together…helping each another, 
Balance of elders, will hold you forever..
Grace under fire…. with honor we brand you
You raise up the spirit with hands of the valiant
Respect you have earned and honor you wear
The sun keeps on rising…..and will shine ever more


Details | Free verse | |

Don't Look Back

You can just walk away with out
saying anything to me at all.
I hope you keep walking and never
ever turn and look back.

All my life I have just wanted a kiss,
a hug, and I love you once in awhile.
I still remember standing by that open
door 'you said I wish she were dead'.
I always wondered Why the kids at my
school would call me Rhonda?

All you called me was whore, stupid,
dumb, your worst mistake, jack ass
and yes of course retard too.
I didn't ask to be your daughter but I 
tried with everything I had to be one.

I always said I love you, washed the
dishes, brushed your hair I wanted you,
to know that I love you and care.
I try to understand what is it you don't
like about me?

It's okay go ahead and go away because 
you see I will be alright, I will work hard
to make my life a good one.
When I'm old and gray I promise you this,
You won't be in thoughts or prayes and I
won't ever look back.
Written By: Rhonda Hero


Details | Free verse | |

HEARTBREAK

I carry a burden
I bear a pain
My chest heaves out and in.
I search for slumber, but sorrow seeps in.
my pupils remain dry like the Sahara.
When a tear or two represents release.
My thoughts assume aimless tirade,
Staring at the dark ceiling
Listening to love-talk on the Fm.
Still, you dominate the occupation of my musings.
I’ve lost desire to partake in the nightly norm.
I’ve been gifted with hurt, and I loathe her guts
I toy back and forth with the details of my affliction,
I swing the blames between our names.
I’m too manly to bear this feminine state.
I tell myself, but I fear it’s late.
I yearn for closure, or a bit of escape.
Yet, even that, the elements starve me.
Is this my portion of the whore named 'heartbreak?
Was I in love and didn’t recognize her?
Now, I’m antsy, I sit up.
I scramble to my feet, and pace the passage.
The snores of the household bring forth reality.
I’m frozen to a spot as it dawns on me.
The impossible has seen light.
The Jews have been bested in battle.
I’ve been in love, and now she's gone
I’m left with heartbreak.
The bride of a love gone sour.


Details | Free verse | |

We Were Drunk Once

Movies played but seldom watched
As we entangled on the couch
Intoxicated by each other, we drank wine to clear our heads
Things were simple in those times

You were red-eyed and freshly mangled
I wanted so badly to make you smile and forget her
For a time I think I succeeded 
We were blissful in our distraction
Playing grown up as we discovered each other

Long nights where sleeping was forsaken
We preferred to lie intertwined 
Talking 
Smiling
Laughing
The sun would rise and you would leave, reveling in how the hours had escaped us
Smiling at the pink tinged sky
Only to repeat the process nightly

Then we traded places
I am the red-eyed one, and another tries to help me forget you
Sometimes he succeeds
Perspective feels like a cruel joke
Could have
Would have
Should have

Someday he will have red eyes too
A cycle perpetuated


Details | Free verse | |

Choice Dealer, Daily 2

2: You are sad: admit it
Failure can’t break you.
You set the pace for the new deal
And giggled at the tired choice dealer.
Over paid and under appreciated--we negotiate
But not for the caring-
But for the price
The price of the first failure was too outrageous.


Details | Free verse | |

Sister: A Lament

For Maxine


Sister, was there forgiveness for she who bore you?
For us, your siblings and sometime charges?
For all who would not help, but hastened your demise?
The marble coldness of your corpse,
to my touch, is like an electric shock.
The limbs, the torso, with sudden strangeness,
now bear you slight resemblance.
You feared all pain, but died without complaint.
Who can fathom what you felt?
Was there a last, sharp stab?
A welcome to oblivion?
Or even an awareness of your loss?
Or was death no more spectacular
than a tire deflating, slowly,
quietly, unrecognized?
And was that the shame of it?
That your life ended, so early,
so silently, and death
was no extravaganza?


Details | Free verse | |

your words have crawled slowly into my thought

Your words have crawled slowly into my thought
And I will listen to what they say
Because the silence of the wind is heavy,
And I cannot bear the weight.

I have often asked myself, why
I complicate simple things so—
And why there are joys when consumed
By an obese grief. But I do not wish to sing the
Old melodrama; I do not have a voice.
I would much rather sit beside you
Watching the flowing river before us,
Listening to the current
Dividing,
And translate what it tries to say.

I know there are worse sorrows miles away
But what matters most to me
Is thawing the frozen stillness between us.

You are the words that inhabits my thought
And I will listen to what you say.
Because the silence of the wind is heavy,
And I cannot bear to wait.


I do not want to be the mistake—
The fading cloud with concrete drops of rain...
Or the wrecked statue with the sad crumpled face.

I’d rather be the light that scratches
Your window curtains
In the early knocks of day.
Or the shy smile between conversations
When there is nothing left to say.


I am very sorry.
I do not wish to lose you as a friend; to lose everything.
I do not wish to sleep poorly and speak to the walls every evening.


Details | Free verse | |

Missing My Friend Becca

I miss my friend Becca
Even before she is gone
She had thought this a safe place
Free from conflict
Judgment

A place where all can freely express
Where have all the past poets gone
Do any of their words still echo in our minds
Do they disappear into obscurity
Who is left to sing their praises 
I will sing for Becca
I will stand up for my friend
I will stand beside my brother Freddie
I will continue to breath their words
Feel their hearts beat within my chest
They matter
They command my attention
Their words and spirits have significance
So I will miss my friend Becca
I will shed a tear for a heart that is broken
For good friends are hard to find
She is worthy of being missed
Today I say goodbye
I wish for her to live in a land of smiles
A place where dreams are realized
She deserves no less
She offered us her best
The essence of a soul
Expressed through precious words
I miss her already
Before she has gone
Maybe it's not too late.

Dedicated to Becca


Details | Free verse | |

Torn

I soar above the world with effortless ease
My movements sublime, my heart at peace
Gliding gently, watching the world go by
I am a mighty bird, and I fly high

I have a brood in my nest, to which I always return
Ensuring food on the table, security, protection
The brood stays satiated, warm and dry
But I am a mighty bird, I have to fly

In my search for food, I travel through many lands
Land of Kings and Pharaohs and magic wands
In one such land I saw you, Oh! Angel of mine
With a smile so true and eyes that shine

Through those eyes of yours into your soul I peered
All my feelings, my emotions, towards you they steered
I flew into your arms, to tell you my thoughts and what I desire
That’s when I remembered, I am a bird, I have to fly

I am a mighty bird and I fly high
As I soar into the heavens, after bidding you good bye
I see a small river, shining just like your eyes
I land next to it, and I cry, and I cry

I cry because I need you, but my brood needs me too
And I have responsibilities, duties to do
But your eyes keep looking into my heart so deep
And it pokes me raw, makes me bleed

I sit by the river watching the drops flow by
Glistening like little pearls, reminding me of your eyes
Eyes that tell me to soar again into the sky
Be a fearless bird, and fly high

As I fly back to my nest, the air seems dense
My speed reduces due to my heart’s burden
But I know there is no way, but ahead, for me
Back to my own nest, my own tree

But I see you everywhere, wherever I look
Giving me strength to stand by the decisions I took
And the resolve to again launch into the sky
To be a mighty bird, to fly high


Details | Free verse | |

Free Spirit

As the world seemed to fall apart
With pain  breaking the heart
I found comfort in an angels arms
     as the night faded
      I fell inside my 
           dreams.

The gentle whispers flow
 on the midnight wind
 Where sadness remains
    no solitude found
      only the wind
      whispering.

The happiness always seemed 
just beyond my reach
 the arms just held me 
    giving strength
      upholding my
        despair.

As the gentle hands caressed
it soothe the aching heart
the storm that raged inside
   soothe and calmed
     and slowly 
         subsided

As we held hands in silence
we drank from each others spirit
and in that loving embrace
      my spirit 
        became 
          free.
      


Details | Free verse | |

Color of a Man's Character

The Color of a Man’s Character
We all bleed
And cleave to 
Those we leave

We all smile when we are greeted
And cry when we are mistreated

Why do we choose to abuse others 
For the color of their skin?

Why do we think that only 
Our own color should win?

We’re all the same underneath 
We all deserve peace 
When we lay down to sleep

Love one another while you can
Show your son how to be gracious
The color of a man’s character 
Is how he treats his fellow Man.


Details | Free verse | |

"On The Shelf"

What a world we have traveled through....
All our steps, long ones ,but are you sure
you stepped too....
We dust off our dresser and move the frames
to see our self....
I know where I've been and what I've done but
you ended up just a snow globe on a shelf....
You stayed inside your glass bubble from the 
world you were protected....
Your shoes stayed in the closet and your jacket
on the hook, never to be rejected....
I can move you from the window so the light won't
fade or come free from its case....
Its so sad that love and my words could never brighten
that face....
I could fall a million times but my dreams and passions
will always brace my landing....
Off the shelf you could fall but only broken glass and
water stains will be remaining....
Time to fly away my bird,as my cage door is always open....
Till we meet again another day,just sit with dreams and hoping...


Details | Free verse | |

Defined by Love

The way you feel
about me doesn't
define me. You will
not cause me to
re-think my
priorities or
examine my virtues.
You may love, like,
hate or be neutral
towards me, that is
your prerogative. Of
course I would
prefer to be looked
upon as good,
inspiring, or any of
the positive human
characteristics we
know of... but it's
not essential to me
if I am not. I
respect your opinion
either way. More
importantly, I
respect mine. In my
eyes I AM worthy of
love, friendship,
forgiveness,
empathy,
understanding,
praise, blessings,
God's Love and love
for myself and I can
only hope for
"genuine" to precede
all of these words
and their meaning. I
understand that
these things I need
in my life, and they
are also the essence
of me, my gift to
those who really
know me and love me,
who truly desire to
be a part me, not
just tolerate me or
see an opportunity
for achievement at
my expense. I have
come this far on a
road paved of my
blood, sweat and
tears and the
admission of my
faults that made it
so. Many lessons I
learned were harsh
but I managed to
proceed in the right
direction and it was
I who suffered and
bowed my head with
shame and it was I
who rose, anew,
forgiving and
forgiven, humbled
and eager to forge
ahead. And the few
that were with me
all the while, will
forever be a part of
me, we are one and I
acknowledge I would
not be where I am,
who I am this day,
without you. And I
will always love
you. It is my
ambition and honor
to give to you the
same beautiful,
selfless gift. I
walk with God, in
good company of
those that chose to
walk with me in this
amazing life's
journey. And that,
is all I need to
know as to what
defines me, as a
person, a blessed,
cherished soul,
grateful for every
single moment.


Details | Free verse | |

Requiescat of Solitude.

Sweet summer winds, hear me
Ne’er endure this bewailing daybreak
For where whether not daylight rises
Now silenced eternal under prettified blossoms
Sleeps that sweet beauty that defined me.
Under the dimly faded blanket of Gaia 
In the blanched obsidian void of memory
Her slowly fading voice of once yesterdays
Never again to behold tomorrows promise
Or the faint blushing of a passionate today.
Just as with the finality of her passing
So to must I forge into the imminent
Over muted gray landscapes I must trod
Where ardors drying tarns now reflect me
Eroding under slow eyes of time…
As I linger waiting for him to claim me
She lies peaceful, only I, to grieve.


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide or Murder

I see a lady walking down the street
Two children in tow, looking so sweet
Looking like the perfect family we know
But they have no place to go

Her lips are bruised, and she has marks on her pretty face
A face so battered, still trying to maintain grace
Walking away from her pain into the vast unknown
Away from the violence and humiliation she has known

Tears stream down her face, while she curses her fate
No one to help her in this land of hate
To feed her children she raises her hands to beg
All the while wishing that she was dead

The children look bewildered, trying to figure out their ordeal
Looking hopefully at their mother, little glances they steal
Trying to gain strength, to face a world full of deceit
But all they see in her eyes is defeat

There isn't a living soul to help you, oh! Mother
People don't care, about you they don't bother
All the world does is make you and your children cry
Even if they could help you, they'd never try

The world watches as you go by
Looking determined, with a glitter in your eyes
As though you have a solution which you will try
I pray that you fight to live, and not try to die

The loud noise of a passing train breaks the silence
I run towards a gathering crowd, and I am stunned by the vision
Three faces, six limbs, scattered guts and blood
Eyes staring into eternity, looking alive though dead

I see a small smile chiseled on your face, oh! Mother
Your children will never face any evil, ever
I have lost direction, my sanity, my health
Seeing you and your children, sleeping in the arms of death


Details | Free verse | |

Destined To Dust

It's The Hardest To Write When There's
Nothing But Momentum Driving The Misery.

                            - Every Single Day is The Same -

Each Limb Protruding From My Torso, Which
May as Well Just Be Headless Flesh and Muscle.
 
                            - Wouldn't Make a Difference -

I am Destined To Dust, as are We all, The Impact
I Have Created Will Follow Me Only To Soil.

                            - The Decaying of Empathy-

Every Particle, Every Fibre of My Entity Screams
At The Exact Same Time With The Same Voice. 

                            - Somebody Set Me Free -

"Dont You Get It Boy?" They Scream To Me, "Don't
You Get It? We are Nothing, You... are Nothing"

                            - ...Without Her -

Time Seems to Ten Fold The Scenarios I Create 
So Speedily, Causing Small Cracks To Appear Vast.

                            - All Cavernous and Crumbling -

Walking Past Pictures of Your Childhood, Hands All
Covered in Cloudy Residue, Wondering Where it Went.

                             - You Have Nothing -

To Fall From Grace You Must First Reach it, But I can't
Hold Myself Accustomed To Such a Privilege, Not Yet.

- Maybe Death Will Verify My Existence -

- Just Like She Did -


Details | Free verse | |

The Truth About Love

Love is not easy
Love is hard
Love is time apart
Trying not to drown
Praying to stay loyal
Holding on to lover's promises
Dreaming of reuniting
Crying tears of hurt and joy
Thinking of you constantly
Asking God for all the best
Love is difficult
Love is not easy
Love is hard
Love is faith
Love is hope
Love is trust
But love is beautiful
Oh, so beautiful
And love is worth it
Oh, so worth it
Love is in God's Hands
Love is protected
Love will come back again
Reunion again
For God is love
In Jesus' Name
We pray
Amen!


Details | Free verse | |

Whispering Leaves

Autumn leaves whisper my name
Follow me, follow me
They dance playfully down the path

A gust of wind creates a smile
Golden leaves, kissed by the sun
Fiery orange leaves
Unraveled, undone
Resting amber leaves
Resting peacefully

Sexy, sultry, seducing
Whispering my name
Follow me, follow me
They lead me down the path
Down the path of despair
Darkness, cold, desolation

I hear laughter in the distance
Evil, eerie, deceptive
I feel a chill through my bones
To the core of my soul
The leaves have disappeared
Down the path
I can’t see them anymore

My heart is heavy
My soul is empty
The path is lonely
The leaves deceived me


Details | Free verse | |

The Box by the Bed

though it has been five and twelve years
and you are both now tucked safely deep
in unfathomed depths of unconscious
at times you still invade troubled dreams

writhing and wrestling and sweating cold
no-no-no-what-why-where-have-you-gone
bolting upright, jolting half wide awake 
to see it placed carefully at arms' length

a trembling, fumbling hand reaches out 
to grab hold and blow away memory…

Craig's contest


Details | Free verse | |

A Known Quantity

Known you..
I’ve known you in oh so many forms
weak, spineless, pitiful
yet sucking it all up, sucking it all in
the nectar of every soldier bee
goes to fill your whimpering form
look how you grovel to the leader
a mere ruse to suck dry the abundance of others
Soft and sweet and pleasant
but bitten the hand that fed you one too many time
Loving you caring for you .. basically a death sentence
a deal killer that’s what you are
a rabid queen of heart without a flamingo’s head 
to bash against the balls of life so ..
you use the balls of others to climb UP
to sneak under .. to support your jellied form

Known YOU? 
Hell yes I’ve known you ..
and it’s about time I cut the bloody cord.
Good bye .. Friend


Details | Free verse | |

Peace

How queer the color of viscera
squarely foreign in my breast
To be the butcher and grim and goddess
All in one
Leaves identity succinct
Or identifies succinctness
If it has been
Then so it was always before

Therein is 'Peace'
Reposed and eyes rolling
Great, vacant saucers on vertiginous axis
She is quite the swollen beast
And on all fronts, she is terrible
If only you'll watch you may notice her growth
A malignant sort
An unwelcome appendage
I'd dash it out but I've already gone
Too pale and dogged in life to succumb
I curse her tenacity

She has a sister, I think
Or maybe a child
A child who lives down deep in my chest
A child who shrieks and tears down the walls
Perhaps she dislikes their pattern


Details | Free verse | |

Missing You

Can't you see it
Flashing in the night?
Can't you feel it?
You're taking away its light.
Can't you see it
Fading out of sight?
That's my heart, lost and lonely,
And it's missing you tonight.


Details | Free verse | |

SUCH HASTE, SUCH WASTE


Brother, why the haste
why are you so quick to bail
how life has made you frail
why art thou so lean in faith


Desires of sodom, you chase
till you wear and rot to waste.
The truths of life you dare not face
you cower behind the shell of race
and bequeath to it,the fortune of your days


Oh Sister, why the haste
this phase you crave
is soiled with fray
this course you chart
is fraught with chains


Are you numb to the flames;
that chars the face with pains
that lays in wait, in ways
unseen to sight and gaze


You fill your pate with tales of hate
and lose your fate in pits of vale


The weight of your plate
is filled with kills of kin
why the haste, brother
why the waste, sister?


Details | Free verse | |

First thing you should know

First thing you should know, is that this isn’t a poem, this isn’t a story, this isn’t a 
song,
these are just words I write to hopefully ease the pain.
Alone, bitterness, horror, emptiness, loss of basic will.  How is it you could do this to 
me, how can your absence leave me so bereaved to the world.  I try to smile, but it 
never reaches my eyes, I try to laugh but it never reaches my heart.  It’s like your 
absence has left a damn in my veins, blocking any emotion, but pain to pass through.  
How is it your absence, can so drastically change my daily life.  How can I sit in a 
house surrounded by loving caring friends, and still feel utterly alone. How is it that I 
couldn’t explain how much I loved you, and now I can’t seem to explain how much 
this hurts.  How could we go from being so perfect, that our friends envied us, to 
feeling like were better apart.  How does the alcohol, and cigarettes not dull the 
pain.  Hell for that matter what can.  What can make the absolute horror of losing the 
one thing that made everything worth it, go away.  How do you go on when you lose 
that.  If I feel like I could never have left you, that I would have always tried, but u 
left me, does that mean it was all one sided.  How could it be so easy for you to 
move on, whilst I’m still crippled by pain.  And if it was only one sided what does that 
mean for me, if you were THE ONE but I wasn’t yours where does that leave the rest 
of my life.  Am I doomed to walk this plane in misery.  Will I be much like this 
computer I sit in front of, lonely, devoid of all meaning until someone has a use for it, 
operating only because someone else tells it too.  But then again, what if it wasn’t all 
one sided, what if I was THE ONE for you as well, what does that mean, will I find a 
way to get back to you, how long will it take, what will it take, is it possible.  
Everyone has a story of loss and of pain, but for some reason I don’t believe they 
understand, much the way they didn’t understand our love.
First thing you should know, is that this isn’t a poem, this isn’t a story, this isn’t a 
song,
these are just words I write to hopefully ease the pain.


Details | Free verse | |

Vanishing Animals

(African human populations are being killed off by war,
famine, disease, and neglect...much like many rare
other species...when will we pay attention and try to
help them?)

Time,
stretching out, encompasses curtains,
on distant savannas, of shimmering heat.
And animals vanish:
ibex and antelope;
elephant; grouse.
Here once, now going or gone.
And time vanishes now.
Animals gone, one has no focus.
Moldering greenery, mute,
moves mainly in wind --
pliant life, submitting to breezes,
passive in sun. Rooted in spots
not chosen or won.
Plants do not vanish.
They prosper.
We do not prosper.
We vanish, as animal,
and go hardly noticed.
A dirge, as animals vanish.
We vanish unnoticed.


Details | Free verse | |

Watery Grave

century later in a watery grave souls of the elite as well as peons float about the wreckage boarding in Southampton Dad carried jewels to sell in the States I, just a teen, came along to see the sights Dad’s money purchased rooms on the top tier artistically designed ball room was aglow bright lights, sumptuous food and fancily-clad dancers in my youth, I cared naught for such things down the stairway I flew to see the lower class strumming guitars and telling raunchy jokes but the joke was on me it seems suddenly, the boat hit an iceberg on the lower level I was trapped screams were heard above as passengers sought seats on lifeboats not enough room, fear ignited ship took on water; we felt it first still trying to find a way to the top deck once there, I saw Dad had left me behind lights were still on as the boat tore in half on the bow I stood with a small crowd as into the icy waters we dropped tried to swim; the sea was too cold on my maiden voyage, much like the ship, I succumbed as screams faded my spirit so lively, it could not die with 1,517 others my soul was held captive below New York was not our final destination Dad made it to the Big Apple no family with him as he made his financial deal what he earned fell short of what he lost century later in this same watery grave souls of the elite as well as peons float about the wreckage, praying for release
*Entry for Tracie’s “My Heart Will Go On” contest Written March 29, 2012


Details | Free verse | |

Safe Passage

There are times 
when the tips of your oars
Impede on me
In the lightless night
When even the stars 
are feeling sour and rejected. 
 
Your menacing tongue
Collects the water
and pushes past me
with wordless strokes
For I am nothing more
than the inanimate cat tail strangers
tangled on the shore. 
 
You do not love me even a little
and still
you drift through the only quiet passage in my heart.


Details | Free verse | |

My Heart on a String.

My heart is waiting for the day, 
when you choose her over me. 

It knows it's going to fall,
                          
                                     crash,

                                               break, 

                                                          and 

                                                                 shatter. 


Even on this soft carpet floor. 


Details | Free verse | |

No Suicide

No reason to concoct clever and corrupt schemes to make me see you.
I watch you anyway.
Do not go to extremes that exfoliate the energy that you conceive.
I already believe in you.
Please, do not plot panic ploys to penetrate the world's persistence against you.
You have the distance to overcome it all.
No need to destroy yourself or future so someone can feel your pain when
some of us already do.
It is pointless to define your determination as unsuccessful when you were the sperm that made it.
Speaks for itself.
You are beautifully made, with details that no one else has or will possess beyond imagination,
So suicide would be not only ridding the world of a gift but
yourself of it,
so please...allow your light to shine,
it could never do so without some shades of darkness.


Details | Free verse | |

Freedom in Love

Keeping my head up, treading water
Cut throat surviving, struggling
Going under, death visits
Will to live, tested!
Selfishness Vs Selflessness
A Greater Love, encompasses me
God demonstrating mercy, for his children
Learning about forgiveness, cultivating, inner faith
Melody of Love, one can experience
In the darkest, waking hours, of everyday living
Self survival, learning how to live
Peace of Mind, Peace of Heart
Peaceful Spirit, Freedom in Love


Details | Free verse | |

Life Can Be Cruel

I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum, coming for me?

"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"

I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now

I wish God 
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!

“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!

I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if 
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own

A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!

Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Dirty tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm

“What am I going to do?”

“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?

“Is my life worth living?”

Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!


Details | Free verse | |

Doubts

Dear members of Poetry Soup, here I present my most awesome poem to date. 
It is best appreciated while listening to my mate Andy's recital. 
So please open-
http://www.andyevansfiction.com/interviews/andy-reads-a-poem-called.html 
and read along.
Here goes:

DOUBTS

When the sanctuary
Of sunlight sinks
And dark shadows
Lay across your thoughts
Spiteful talons
Scrape against your reason
Their dragging
Resonating
In your mind

<     >

Out beyond your vision
In the darkness of the hour
Your doubts stir
Shuffling
Muttering
Foul damning words
That pierce you
Slicing through your certainty
Severing the flow
Of your integrity
Chill words
Spoken so close 
They breeze past your ear
And settle like ice
On your dignity
Threatening
Menacing
Sounds of movement so near
That doubts brush
Your confidence

<     >

In the gloom
These doubts
Analyse
Scrutinise
Your every mistake
Real and imagined
Emphasised
Magnified
Demonised
Your honest intentions
Mercilessly proven
Futile
Trivial
Infantile
Your courage
And Morale
Shattered
Scattered
Lost in the darkness
Surrounded by doubts

<     >

Fearful
Deceitful
Doubts twist
Blur reality
Ripping
Façade
From hidden self
Clawing
Screaming
Igniting fear
Pupils dilating
Stupefied
Skinned
Heart racing
Blood
Gore
Torn from your chest
Undesired self
Splayed
Exposed

<     >


When the sanctuary
Of sunlight rises
And dark shadows
Are chased from your thoughts
Hopeful hands
Massage your reason
Their comforting
Relaxing
Your mind



Details | Free verse | |

Life Lost

Lost in agony of losing,
Ripped apart between life and living.
Deep breaths increasing inside me, growing, then going…… 
I lost it. 
I lost him, 
Her…. 
I lost life.
Emotional bruises physical, 
I feel the world staring at me with deep pity, why me?
Why not me?
I held your hand in my heart and wrapped my soul around you, 
Never thought you would be gone leaving no goodbye or promises to return.
I saw the lies in your evil eyes, these broken ties u leaving me with.
How do I explain to the world where my glow is gone when u took it with half of me? 
We lost the game I took the blame bleeding shame of misery.
What word do I use to paint my pain in pictures, confusing images in my vocabulary as I try to scream for comfort? 
I open my hand to nothing.
My treasure of life dusted off by winds of vulnerability


Details | Free verse | |

Farewell My Friend

I remember the days that we
spent together in my pursuit to
further my knowledge, you as 
my mentor and I as your pupil.

Down through the years we have
had more then just a teacher and
pupil relationship, we became the
very best of friends.

I watched your hair turn grey and then
you watched mine, sadly I received
news today coming from afar that you have 
gone on your final journey and we 
shall never have those long academic
discussions ever again.

Such news that greeted me gave me
such a heavy heart and tears in my 
eyes, for I know I shall never see
my dear friend again.

I will forever cherish the fond memories 
of the past years we had shared and
our friendship and reminisce on all the 
good times for those will always be
with me.

You will always have a very special
place in my heart, my mentor and
my dear friend always.
A friend that shared my life.


Note: Farewell to Klaus Goebel, ING (Radio Engineer), Neu-Isenburg, Germany ~ may you rest in peace old friend.

4th July, 2012 (c) 


Details | Free verse | |

What will they say

What will they say of me when I am gone?

An eccentric fool lost in his yesterdays?

A lonely soul locked away in the ancient house

He saved from destruction?

Will someone scavenger through the wastes of my life

The photographs, notes, writings, drawings . . . .

And find some shred of humanity there?

What will they say of me when I am gone?

 

Will our letters be found and read again?

Perhaps some young girl, wide-eyed in awe

Discovering that people really can love

Past the limits of their endurance

Will someone finger your locket 

And wind up your music box

To watch the ballerinas turn and sway

To a melody that once had meaning?

 

Will they wonder about the little things?

Two train tickets from Munich to Milan

Blossoms pressed between pages of a Gibran book

A napkin where you blotted your lipstick

And I saved it because it imprinted you indelibly

Will they assign it all to the trash or fire?

And if the smoke of us rises past the stars

Will you gather it up and hold it dear and remember?


Details | Free verse | |

Emigration comes full circle

I left Ireland in the 80's with my husband and two babies for Holland. In 2003, we 
returned so that our children could have an Irish University education. Dublin was 
buzzing with life at the time, it was very expensive but we were home. Now in 2011, 
my daughter is emigrating, back down the old ancestral path, she is going to Madrid 
to teach English there. Our country has collapsed so badly, there is no employment 
here so we are exporting our young, educated children by the day. A sad day for me 
as my daughter leaves tomorrow. I wrote her this poem.


To Sarah
On the wave of emigration
I want you to know
That I see you, a fellow female
An equal on every level
Not just my daughter
My little pink princess
I see you as a woman
A power within this world
With oceans to offer
A lifetime still to learn
Go to your new life
A teacher in Madrid
Be free and fearless
Spread your wings and fly
Take the opportunities
Shape them to your dreams
You have all the tools
You can use them now.

Your analytic mind
Will help you make good decision
Fair and just rewards will ensue.
Your radiating heart
Will gift you new friendships
Maybe even a new love
All in good time
You will never be alone
Because you have a deep sense of self
This will be fortified
With this new tide
Your feet firmly planted
Will always serve you well
Balancing the ups and downs of Libra
Always true to yourself
Life will be true to you too.

We live in a new age today
This global world is small
As we email and skype
Fly back and forth to visit
We will continue to love
As mother and daughter
Our journeys through life
Shared
Forever together
My love
I will hold you safe
In my heart.
 


Details | Free verse | |

Crops

Crops are grown
I am among them
Playing hide and seek
Scarecrow's scare is scarce
As I run along the branches
Shouting with joy

I feel the wind and the rain
Cold at times yet comforting
Shielded by the crops not knowing
What's out there in the horizon

Crippling the crops, I can't run fast
Blinding they are, I yearn for the open space
Then the ocean and the horizon comes
I see everything but nothing to see

I am going back to the crops
That is my home
But I am scared of the Scarecrow
Because crops can not shield me


Details | Free verse | |

Start again

I begged them all to stop and cheer,
I cried so loud the depths could hear,
I shouted and I spat in rage,
I couldn't turn another page.
The story was so true and blunt,
It ignited my selfish heart.
It was a story about me
And what I finally come to be...
A big mass of information,
Decaying to termination. 

Hope is just a feeble concept,
Money's only but a thing,
Life has palpability, 
To which we all so dearly cling. 

We give it up so hard and tough, 
Even when we have enough.
Some give it with relief, 
Others take it in a brief.
We all think with disbelief, 
That it doesn't end so fast,
That we have a future and a past,
But we never know for sure.
That's why this life, I adore.

I don't want to see the story end,
Whatever rules I have to bend
Without hurting those apart from me,
I couldn't bear to do the wrong I see.
The wrong the world makes my eyes endure,
The world where nothing can assure,
That what you love will stay unharmed 
And what you want shall be done.

I don't have the power to abolish,
Those who stubbornly want to demolish,
Peace and love and friendship too, 
But I could fight with you.
For the sake of my existence,
I cold hurt you in an instance,
It's still survival of  the fittest.

Whatever more we do invent,
I'm tired of hearing that
It's all built with good intent,
When all things have double usage,
They can destroy or do some good,
It depends on the dosage
Of the utilizer's mood.

I close the book of no return,
I don't want to see the end.
The lines I read make my brain burn.
Before finish I want to turn

And start again. 


Details | Free verse | |

Crayola Crayon Time

i prefer them bitten off =center
(a slow lick on a hard knife edge)
 a shecat sparkling like pinwheels
on the silky hilltops of waterbeds..
the ones that make you obsess -why they're one hour
-five minutes 
          late
why their mascaras messy,
making you waife their cologned necks,
checking for that strange strong scent
turn you into some kind of burning,paronoid
jittery flake.

i like'em a little mousy,a little off the 
         beat
a chick that can spit with class
kick the living MAN outta me...
A fireball that contorts and concocts,
attends to every want and need...
(ya know what i mean?)
hum-ta-dum...ta-dum... ta-dee 

but in the end what I really need
what we all need
is
periwinkle
predicatability
a crisco oiled apron
the one mamma used to don
a lullaby in the quiet cove of a racing mind 
reminding me of {dead} mother's...
undivided attention...
way back in Crayola Crayon time


Details | Free verse | |

Love Bonds

True love is never taken to the grave Death, though the final blow to all living kind, Never takes with it the heart of the living When “Death” calls A life journey “ends” replaced by memories For loved ones “a” thread to hold onto A link to help make the “life” of those left behind bearable For the loving spouse this is “not” always where the journey ends Their heart remains still “a” part of the missing whole The living “relationship” only severed Written by: Debra Squyres on 1-16-12 For: “Middle of the Road” members contest Sponsored by: HGarvey Daniel Exquire (This was perfectly centered in my program, but not here, sorry.)


Details | Free verse | |

The Devils Visitation

I gave you the benefit of the doubt ,I ran to your every shout,I even tolerated your strikes and insults day in day out, I believed your every lie, that came out of your mouth,and acted as if it was truth,letting my anger die out, but now its time to take the trash out. I allowed you to contaminate my blood and flow through my veins,call me hubris names,I allowed you to drive me insane,to deceive me again and again with out restrain.you deceived me but believe me,I knew it all along, I was just trying to hold on strong. Like a solder with the last bullet ,I just didn't know when to pull it,when to pull the trigger,I guess I had to, the day you called me a nigger. Yes you seem to sincerely hold and kiss me,but yet you was with another man, when you called to say you missed me,who knew how deceptive bliss could be,like skeletons bellow the beauteous and glistening sea.I couldn't see because of your sun shine, your well planed deception and the profession of love, which now to me is mystery now theirs no need to worry, your history, like slavery and legal segregation, because to you I was never your better half. I was just another momentary stimulation ,alleviation ,awaiting termination, like a used rag after skins dirty visitation ,but fooled to keep visiting,thinking it was just my toleration, the intensification of this situation is far beyond ratification,  you are an abomination,instead of dealing with this this, I should have stuck to poems and masturbation, this is no speculation, exaggeration dramatization, or erroneous accusation.Your lies and motives are nasty, how could I let your  funk of a skunk pass my nostrils evaluation?Your unveiled deception brought me to a factual realization,it was to work on my punctuation I should have dropped five million six hundred and eighty five periods to end this death sentence  for good....


Details | Free verse | |

4 men in a boat

4 men in a boat,    on fateful night . A poet from England ,3 mates set sail , One fell over and met his demise , leaving behind 3  in sadness they returned .
To be described in a poem as they wrote .4 men in a boat ..minus one leaves 3.

I thought I alone , I was the only one. Maybe. I was wrong .
Who tells real truth in poetry I write , like the men in a boat that very sad night.
4 men in a boat , cold and frightened in a storm .

At the end of the Day , the end of life , all is happy , all is sad . In love and Pain inspired . Many words written, for life is a storm , in truth and misery . Until the beautiful waters calm  , and the seagulls sing their happy song for you. Then you will be writing words of love and happiness .



This has been revised from the original version , I am learning new formations by entering contest that are  for members on Poetry Soup. this is not about the win , I win every time I try !


Details | Free verse | |

Empty Walls Of A Once Filled Life

In the choas we new order in nights we new the emptyness
of a once filled apartment.
The laughter ,The seldom thought  voice in a queit storm.
Bare now are the  walls I cant recall.

Like a ghost that huants us in a dream it's faded into
just another day of a endless moment's.

And in anothers hands maybe you'll  grow like vision.
Instead of reamaning as my soul and cold dead earth.
Maybe it's a scene none can recall.
Or maybe there just to scared to see themselves in failures grasp.
  
Ma