Daddy, why did you go away,
Don't you know I wanted you to stay!
Daddy, when you left mom,
Don't you know you left me too.
Now all I do is cry and cry
--- I want to die!
Daddy, mommy say's it's better this way,
What does she know!
There's not enough band-aids to cover up the blues
Mom's kisses can't heal this kind of pain.
Daddy, I look around
No one stands in your garage
Daddy, You took every tool
Except the hammer and sitting stool
Daddy, I still miss you
--- I love you.
Dear Daddy, I'm all grown up now
Haven't seen you since I was 10
Daddy, I sit on your favorite chair,
No longer do I miss the way you caressed my hair.
Daddy, I'm taking the old hammer and this BRAND NEW saw,
It's time to patch all the holes mom punched in the wall
*The day you walked out on us*
Daddy, don't worry about the times I tripped and fell
Mom, found someone to fix the loose boards,
Got tired of scraping my knees
Daddy, I finally realized I'm okay,
I agree with mom, it's better this way.
like visitors from outer space
they came with tears, and lined the sidewalk
long in face, and arms embracing
some (I have no inkling) who
they were or why they felt compelled to come here
dozens came with casseroles
a few with flowers, wads of tissues
tender words of helpless mutterings
many acts of generous offerings
don't get me wrong, I watched the suffering
expressed in words or acts of kindness
I watched it all, and felt the love
did not dismiss the warm compassion
returned it all, with pure compliance
a thankful heart, a swollen throat
I hugged these strangers at the door
to comfort them, who shed their tears
upon my shoulder, offered them
a place to share their sympathies
a place to spend their mercy, pure
but, this was my child who suffered loss
impossible........I can't express it
protected from the very start, by
loving hands, her dad's and mine,
we watched her grow, and let her go
she grew from the vine ....into a rose
but life composed a tragedy with goals
beyond our reach...beyond our wildest dreams
and left her with a loss beyond control
like visitors from outer space we watch
as others come, and others go
they blow into their tissue wads
and empty the boxes one by one
and cry with us, and then they all go home
do we cry........? Oh no, not yet...
instead we smile a grateful smile
and thank them kindly for the while
and for the ways they share their love
but we can't cry into our own clenched wad
of tissue from the tissue box
she needs us to be strong, somehow
and so that is the way it is, we vow...to hold back all the tears for now
for, this was my child who suffered loss
impossible........I can't express it
*GRANDMA WAITS IN THE GARDEN*
Hi grandpa it's me again!
Your dentures sit in an open glass
Do you remember the tears grandma sang before she passed?
The way she looked into your eyes,
Moments before she said her goodbyes
Grandpa, I found a note from grandma, she doesn't want you to cry.
Hi grandpa, it’s me again!
The rocking chair is old and dusty
Do you remember the way grandma sat me on her lap?
Read many stories before I took a nap
How she enjoyed brushing my hair with her hands
Love the way she rocked me to sleep every night until I grew.
I stored your hearing aid away
Do you remember that special musical box in grandma's drawer?
I opened it last night, to watch the ballerina dance
I wish you could hear the tiny chimes grandma lived in
I hope you don’t mind, I’m keeping grandmothers favorite scarf.
I'm caressing grandma’s picture frame
Do you like the way she looked in that pretty sundress?
Grandpa, I miss the things grandmother did for you
I like the walking stick she handcrafted, the day your needed support
It kept you in balance every time we took long hikes in the woods.
Hello grandpa, it's me again!
Here I sit holding your hand
I have no more tears
Soon you will see grandma
Please tell her hi, and I know you will be there the day I die
Give grandma a kiss, and tell her I miss her
I carry my mother
like a rock in my pocket
that I just can’t seem to throw away
It serves me
it just weighs me down
When I first found it,
when I first picked it up
and started carrying it with me,
I thought it so beautiful –
I could look at it for hours
But, like my mother,
it never looked back at me,
never grew warm under my loving gaze
For the longest, I was blind to that,
Blind to anything but the beauty,
blind to the cold, hard,
beyond-remote nature of the rock,
of my mother,
I carry my mother,
a thought without weight
And she’s heavier
and she’s colder
than all the stones
By the time I recognized her
immutable, emotional unavailability,
I had run out of joy,
felt depleted of hope –
But I could not,
for the life of me,
stop seeking a beauty, a warmth,
inside her heart
Could not stop
that one day this stone,
deep inside my pocket,
Might just become
its own opposite –
Change from hard to fluid,
from cold to warm
But my rock, my hard burden,
will only turn to water
When my mother
My sweet child
Be on guard
Be on guard of the man
Who plays on your heartstrings…
Not with flirtatious smile
Nor with flexed muscles
Not with devouring eyes
Nor with intellectual prowess
Or clothes so fine
No, these you can resist
You can set boundaries
And be done
The threat, false alarms
Their charm easily undone
Your defenses will withstand
The groping hand
The false charm
No, don't be alarmed
Oh, but child
My precious sweet one
Be on your guard
I beg you
Be on your guard
From the man named, “POET”
A man who wields words
Who crafts and designs them
Like a carpenter with wood...
Who makes them into jewels
With a jeweler’s touch...
Who makes them sweet delicacies
That simply melt in your mouth
He can shape and design his words
To fit your every need
He writes down your dreams
As though they were his own
His words an homage
To your beauty
The light in your eyes
The way you entice
Your captivating smile
Your dark tresses
Or the curve of your hips
BE ON GUARD
Oh, dear one
Be on guard
For he means to take you
To sweep you away
In the tide of beautiful rhymes
The rise of fall of passion
Making your body move in time
He means to ensnare you
To capture your soul
He means to dominate
To slowly undress
Intoxicate with his words
So you forget common sense
He wants you to eat from his hands
Choice morsels of love
While he whispers in your ear,
“There's more where that came from.”
Be on guard
For words cannot pay
Your rent or expenses
Cannot save your day
Words won’t be there
When you cry in the night
They won’t be able
To turn on that light
Words won’t be your lover
With hands nice and slow
That touch you in places
Words can never go
Listen to me
Stay away from those poets
They’ve got potency
They will woo and bewitch you
Throw fairy dust in your eyes
But at the end of the day
Only a few don’t tell lies
My child, my sweet
Get a man who will be
THERE IN PERSON
BODY and SOUL
With hands that caress
And with eyes that speak
Of your body in that dress
Spoken words make you weak
With lips that touch yours
That say you’re divine
That lick from your navel
That sweetest of wine
Stay away from those poets
Be on Guard
Save your life!
For a poet, my child
Is the greatest danger in life
The greatest beauty
The greatest dream
The greatest heartache
The greatest strife
Be on guard
BE ON GUARD
SAVE YOUR LIFE!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Memories of the North Sea
sift in like sand kernels
on a fast, frigid tide -
events that transpired outside
the confines of rhyme,
instead, unfolding exactly
as they were meant to.
I had never before seen
so many shades of gray.
This monochromatic splendor
within an absence of sunshine
that was perfectly fitting,
instead of being bleak and bleary.
The smell of salt and seaweed
awoke deep within me
something dormant and eternal -
a surging desire to flush
from out of my blood
with an inverted force of pride.
Salty blood and water
coming together in a communion
of distant relations and movements.
A flash of bright red
digging in the sand beside me.
My child is wearing the only
vibrant colour to be seen for many kilometres.
The colour matches
her enthusiasm and energy,
as she moves from one spot to the next
like a dancing flame.
My own fire burns in my eyes.
I had unconsciously dressed
in the same colours of the sky and sea,
blending into the scenery
as a chameleon --
an illusion thicker than clouds,
an illusion of stone
for me to melt and reinvent
at the spinning speed of thought.
I look over at my daughter
who is wearing a wide smile of wonder,
for she has not ever seen the ocean before.
She can see the chameleon
walking alongside her in the frothy surf.
Together, we collect shiny stones and shells,
our pants rolled-up to the knee
as we wade through waves.
I wonder if people onshore
can only see a solitary dash of red out here,
or if the chameleon is more
noticeable than I had thought,
while we watch sea-birds
cover the steep cliffs
in a blanket of black and white feathers.
~(2012 North Sea Remix)~
It will hurt like a tattoo guns sting
as the ink infiltrates your skin.
Your first love will be like a tattoo on your heart,
always remembering the blessings and pain he gave you.
Be with a person who fills you with fluttering hummingbirds
even after the first and second and tenth kiss
who drinks the nectar of your demons and sucks them lifeless.
There will be men who you think will carry you forever
but after so long of holding
your feet above the water
they will throw you down.
They will not reach out a hand to pick you back up.
They will turn cheek,
kissless and forgotton.
You will stand with dirt palms
and fall back into his inferno.
There will be loves like this,
who convince you to prick yourself with safety pins,
the ones who carry guns on their backs
but never shoot to protect,
only to hurt.
The ones who drink all the water,
leave you parched in the desert of his mistakes
telling you that they are your own.
The ones who shoot arrows in your lungs
and you lye bleeding
believing that the color of your blood is true love for him.
The hour hand will spin around the clock
too many times before you leave him.
It will hurt.
You thought it was true,
but after the death of it
you will realize you deserve someone so much sweeter
than a bitter apple.
Love the one who doesn’t cheat you blind,
but instead comes to you with truths in his wretched palms
and waits for you to
but never gives up and never stops wishing that the past could rewind
that he could change the things wrong that he did to you.
Love the one who feeds your heart warm apple pie,
who cries in front of your children,
who drives them to school and hugs them when they get home.
Be with someone who doesn’t ask for you to change
but instead loves your mistakes
cradles them within his fabric lungs
breathes them in with a grin.
Love is an interesting thing.
You will be thrown out of a moving car to the side of the road.
Some will come running back to you.
Don’t jump back in the front seat,
until you find someone who buckles the seat belt for you.
Drives five under the speed limit,
takes things slowly and waits for you to be ready to accelerate.
I am here for you.
Remember me, the one who loved you first,
the one who will never stop loving you.
Come to me after he breaks up with you.
You can cry on my shoulder,
and ill wipe your tears with my sleeve.
Find a love who loves you the way
that your father and I love you,
the way that your grandmother loves you.
Find a love who already considers you family.
Who meets you
and looks into your ocean eyes
and drowns peacefully into your heart.
Please love yourself,
My daughter wrote
As we chatted away
About my upcoming trip
And yet my tears spilled over
As I bared my heart
To my 19 year old daughter
The joy of my life
The light of my eyes
The reason I go on with life
It’s for her
I try to survive
And push on
For she still needs me
And she wrote…..
You need to appreciate yourself more mami
I can't imagine my life without you
Just thinking about my life without you in it
just makes me wanna break down
Please mama for me
Please love yourself
I dunno why it's so hard for you to see how incredible you are
She knew all my reasons
And yet she asked
Desperate to pull me out
To help me see the light
To remind me of who I was
Who I still am
And I soothed and comforted her
Knowing she’d worry
Her daddy away
And her Mama all alone
Locked in her room
Crying the night away
Yet she was the strong one
A shoulder to cry on
And after all the tears those words of hers brought
I thanked her for loving me…..
And she wrote
I can't help it. You're amazing. You just need to give yourself a chance
Come here mami we'll have so much fun
And I smiled through my tears
Grateful for the blessing I have in her
And my heart decided
For a little while longer
To fight the good fight
To let the vivacious Mommy she knew
Come to life
The one all her friends loved
And said was “so cool”
I'd ask her to go on
And to try...
To love herself...
...For the love of a daughter
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Be proud of your scars
oh daughter mine
now a mother of children dear
Remember the time
they suckled your breast
gorging on the food of love
Worried lines on your face
anxious frown on your brow
a love story you cannot erase.
Oh daughter mine be proud of your scars.
Pendulos breasts wear with pride
your babies now full-grown and wise.
Stretch marks remain to tell
that you carried your babies well.
Oh daughter mine be proud of your scars.
A badge of honor
that's what they are.
Thickened waist and cellulite disgust many
yet tell a story so sweet so true.
Oh daughter mine be proud of your scars.
Uptilted breasts shapely hips
elegant thighs tell a story of their own
but you gave your babies all you had
with love and tenderness.
When they're grown and gone away
you will remember them still
by the scars you bear today.
Oh daughter mine be proud
Be proud of your scars.
A precious gift! Joy unimagined fills my heart
She smiles! My heart races, leaping!
And like a butterfly in spring, gliding,
It dips among new blossoms
Like a sweet melody playing softly
in the cool of the evening, I soar!
My baby, my first, like an angel sleeps
Soft, warm and brown
I stare in awe of this most perfect gift from God!
Tiny almond-shaped eyes, sparkle- searching
Nothing as beautiful have I ever seen!
She cries and her teardrops like crystal daggers
Pierce, my joyful heart!
And like a wounded sparrow it plummets
Free-falling, and I am left puzzled...confused
Nervous, I gently hold her close to my breast
I am sure she can feel my heart beating..
Suddenly our faces brush... she turns-
Our eyes lock, and smiles ripple!
My first born--all is well in my world.
red splotches on her night gown
still oozing down her face
“I fell again.”
She looks at us
with that same wobbly smile
“I’m Ok! Don’t worry. I’m OK!”
I can’t see
a clear liquid oozes down my face
Mama is dazed
clutching her face
Couldn’t light the stove fast enough
We thought a bomb had hit the kitchen
War time years
Everyone running around
Mama burned her face
“I’m Ok…I’m fine.”
She tries to smile
I can’t see clearly
watery haze of tears
along with the smoke
Mama gasping for breath
Mama going red in the face
“Mom, are you ok?”
Another coughing fit
Can’t get the food to go down
I pat her on the back
Will this be it?
Will she choke this time?
Muscles that don't work
Tears streaming down her face
I’m…Ok…..I'm OK now."
That lying smile
Her hand goes up
I can’t see
Double tear vision
Life is unclear
“You’re afraid I’m going to die, aren't you?”
Kind brown eyes
Looking into mine
They are filling up
the wobbly smile is gone
she lets her tears speak
Oh….to talk to talk about it
What can I say?
What can she say?
She crushes my body to hers
Neither of us can see
Blinded by tears
She’s in a place I can’t reach
“Mama, can you hear me?”
“Mama, listen to me!”
“Mama, do you believe?
Jesus can heal you!
Do you believe?”
“Yes,” a whisper
I can't see
Eyes of mustard seed faith
“Forgive our sins!
In the name of Jesus
Be healed, Mama!”
Eye lids fluttering open
Mama is still on the wheel chair
She’s bound…not free
I don’t see anymore
My head drops to my knees
I get dizzy
I drop things
In the shower
“You have MS TOO!
It has come for YOU!”
I can’t see
Shower water mixes with tears
Do you SEE?
DO you HEAR?
DO you FEEL?
No wobbly smile
No one to be strong for
I'm not alright!
In dedication to her MAMA, Angel Manassian!
Her whimsy stirs even water
The pool reflects pure incandescence;
she toys with a newfound buoyancy
My school-less angelfish
flouncing in elements and
shimmering in pink ruffles
while sun ripened ringlets dance
A minstrel disguised as a
red-winged blackbird returns
her endless chatter, won-over
Despite sun block and a mother’s care
she is tan and her young skin reminds me
of toffee, butter-soft and wonder-warm
My tiny sprite swings
between courage and caution;
I circle her
as somehow she encircles me
we remain within reach of each other
learning to let go...
the lessons of daughter
Oh, I am moved to be her moon.
Summer lies with its long hours,
afternoons dripping like vanilla cones
as cicadas lull lazy tiger lilies
with their heat-hymns
It is easy to forget
this season has margins
It is easy to forget
all the margins she will face
Soon, she will board a bus
walk hard-halls of independence
be outside of my reach
be far from my gravitation
and the security of my embrace
It is easy to forget September
as her lengthening legs chase
these turquoise days
these exquisite turquoise days
OH, SUMMER! SWEETNESS TREASURED!!!
A little girl full of life
With so much love for her papa
It was love at first sight when papa laid eyes on her at her birth
Being her nanny papa never laid her down but cradled her in his arms until it was time to leave
He was mama until she was two
When he would say “No, “Papa”
She would say, “No,” Mama”
He taught her to ride her first tricycle
He taught her to throw her first ball
He helped her with her homework when she started school
Once in a while she calls and asks “Papa would you come to school today and have lunch with me.”
And of course Papa cannot say no to his little girl
Her first baseball game was a t-ball team of all boys and one girl of course she out shined them all and took home the winning game ball
The next few years she’s made the all –star softball team
At eight years old now coaches are watching her to get her on their team
By Eve Roper
My one burning wish -
I want not to fade away
like rotten lace, dumped
onto a trash heap and forgotten.
I want to leave myself behind,
for those who come after
to inhale during breakfast.
Not money, like my mother,
who judged it to be the only thing
of worth she had to leave behind,
as though her love meant nothing,
as though her virtue didn't count.
A nonpareil pattern of motherhood,
of personhood for that matter,
written in permanent script,
propagated in layers of goodness,
flung onto her progeny
with the glue of infinity.
As long as I live, so will she.
I want that,
when it's my turn to go.
Tribute to My Dearest Daughter
My darling daughter,
Precious child of my youth,
Dearest to my heart -
From that wonderful moment
When I first felt that fluttering of life,
Rhythmically beating beneath my expectant bosom,
I knew that I would unconditionally love you forever.
With deep motherly pride
I helped you develop into womanhood
Watching you become a strong, well-rounded woman.
A loving mother yourself, you are not only a blessing
To your own children and your family,
But you are also a blessing to others -
Those who hurt in life and need care and compassion.
With its ups and downs, life has transformed you,
Challenged, nurtured, matured, and molded you.
You are kind, thoughtful, generous, patient, and understanding,
Unselfishly expecting nothing in return.
You are a wonderful human being -
You are a true angel.
God bless you, my dearest daughter, my love!
Entered in contest “Relationships” sponsored by Regina Riddle
It is quiet, save for the sound of the wind and the
lullaby thoughts turning like the mobile she’d had,
Something that hovered, as I did.
Piles of her things surround me,
Freshly washed and smelling somewhat like
babypowder, cuddles, first smiles.
Little sleepers, one plucky giraffe,
Dozy pink bears and ducks and lilac butterflies
tell me bedtime stories, suck thumbs.
I cluck over receiving blankets,
Carefully fold a toothless grin and my hand
lingers, smoothing the soft flannel.
A white sweater I’d rescued from a thrift store,
Hand knit and beribboned, feels content.
The yarn is a kitten, but it has curls
and eyes that I’m told look just like mine.
It asks in such a beguiling way that I
pick it up, place it tenderly in my lap,
Then snuggle its delicate pattern,
Recalling chills and prudent struggles.
Then I lift a green, velveteen dress,
Mommy caresses a Christmas babble, a milky
mouth on a wet cheek, giggles spilling.
I buckle the jean overalls,
Pluck at one long, silky strand of embroidered
tantrum, threads that held like a toddler's fist,
Refusing to leave its toy until tomorrow, a denim so wilful.
A rubber boot is cool against my palm as though it
retains that rainy day when she pranced through asphalt ponds.
I am gifting all that has become outgrown,
Knowing that down the road, another, unmet, will also
hear the window quiver and hesitate.
Yes, there will be a jacket for the first day of school and bashful
skirts, far too short, that will hide from me in the back of her closet,
Sleeveless frocks that will slide through my proud fingers.
There will be torn tees and holes in the knees,
late night Oh-Dear-God-let-her-be-okay pleas and
perhaps a wedding veil, beaded with things I’ve told her,
And all these treasures will be held and then I’ll need to let go.
Looking at the bags half filled, I move, empty their contents,
Wrap my arms around motherhood, smile into babyhood creases
that touch my face until lace releases childish tears.
All this seems too large for one who
suddenly feels so very small.
God’s Cleansing Tool
Cloud-Concerto… How Cool !
Plop-Plop Plopping into Pothole Pools
On the Grass, Pavements and On My Own-Sweet- Fools…
who, don’t have Sense enough, to get out of the Rain…
… I think I’ll go Join Them… Again
Year of the Acorn
(For my Father who
has Parkinsons &
Out on a winter walk
you solemnly put an
acorn into my hand.
Something in my head
"Keep it safe
and he'll be safe".
I kept it to this
One candle on my
burned into my
mind's eye forever.
You took a
to keep me in the
My sister arrived in
You took me to feed
she greeted us with
I fled, covering my
Mother told me the
facts of life.
You kept well out of
A disco at the end
of a long, quiet
You always drove me
safely there and
You were judge and
of all boyfriends.
Year twenty three.
You gave me away
to the best
boyfriend of all.
A montage of eras
replay in the bright
lens of memory
till the year of the
and the acorn.
And I kept it safe
so you'd be safe,
only now it looks
cracked and old;
not quite like an
and you are not
quite like you.
I wish I could blow air into your little lungs,
The day my daughter brought your stillborn body into this world.
Hold your little body warm,
And tell my little girl you have her cute little nose....
Count your little fingers, and kiss your little toes....
I could look into your daring eyes,
Facing a little boy, who's ready for this world
I could tell my daughter you have her beautiful brown eyes...
Sadly, it’s not like that.
How can I tell my daughter everything will be all right?
When a piece of my heart was stolen with her's,
When giving birth to her son, my grandson
March 25, 2013---- How it Hurts!
O’ how I wish, you entered this world crying
Instead, we're the ones left in tears of sorrow
How I wish you could be,
And not this feeling you left inside
How I wish, God could explain why o' why o' why?
I wish I could find the reasons now, and not wait until I die.
Mostly, I WISH Mommy could fix this.
Bael Lesley G.
Born March 25, 2013
RIP March 25, 2013
A solitary piece the diamond
precious rare gem most treasured
by those lucky enough to hold
Once in possession it is rarely out of grasp
Like the gemstone the mother
requires very specific conditions
in holding fast her (family/) childrens love
Treasured forever in her heart
she will go out of her way
to preen and protect them
holding them dear to her
deep within her maternal safe – the heart
closely guarded by the mind
Her infatuation of all treasures to her
are totally understandable
especially when you think to the complexity
of structure and process taken in creation
Just as from the ‘unbreakable’ in ancient greek
this alletrope of carbon
with strength of bonding between atoms
is representative of that strong love
between mum and child
The maternal being could be compared
to the superlative physical qualities of the stone
Even the characteristic luster
of this gem so prevaient from its ability
to disperse light and colour
compared to the many strengths, roles and qualities
of the mother
seen by the many she deals with daily
A most high pressured job
versus the high pressured temperature
within the Earths mantle
that forms the delightful rock it gives birth to
Infants delight and ignite the forbearer
just as the jewel would dazzle the room
a mother’s love encaptures the magical luster
of those she’s birthed and nothing
stands inbetween this richest of cargo’s
To be called ..
~ Grandma is a Honor ~
I have been blessed with 4 Grandchildren
~ one lays in Heaven " Kaleb " He is God's Angel ~
~ His twin brother he will always watch over , and be in his soul~
For he loved his Brother so much in the womb ,
he chose Heaven which gave life to his twin
~ I feel his spirit when I see the other Grandson ~
Time passed another gift to see
we are " Mickes" and Loved
Our Dad held the title in Baseball
~ that's how we roll ~
those children are Grandmas hero's
The Irish they love big and Family is everything
The brothers will protect the beautiful sister
~ as many lads will be calling ~
Every time my Grandson hits a home run
There will be a Angel watching proudly in the stand
It will be as if the Angel lifted him when he runs
~no one runs faster then my Grandson~
either baseball or Art ~ you shall find your gift given
These children have been blessed~
~ a beauty to hard to describe
If you think not ~~ Take a look at the Mom
That girl can stop Traffic
after raising three and still~
"Inspired by the gift and loss of Grandchildren "
May our precious " Kaleb " softly rest where Angels only Dwell
In my father's eyes, I'll always be his princess,
No matter how old I've grown, he still sees
His little girl, dancing across the invisible stage
A living Cinderella in miniature form, whom
Will never grow up, and thinks her dad is prince
Charming, and the strongest man on earth.
Cradling within this wondrous heart, is devotion’s
Biggest fan, the man I call my father, he's protector,
Comforter, and the everlasting image, of the perfect
Man that I idolize.
No wizard's wand or sword, holds more magic
Than his tender words of wisdom, as I stroll
Down the yellow brick road of life, I'm his
Dorothy, and he is, the Wizard of my oz.
Oh Papa, you've instilled the wonderment
Of this world within me, and I know, no matter
Where I roam, he shall always be a part
You've always said, no matter how old I get
That within thy heart, a princess remains, timeless,
Ageless, as if Alice, hidden behind the looking glass,
Peering through from wonderland, magical world.
Perfection's cherished rose, whom never loses it's
Petals, but blossoms nourished by loves fertile soil,
That only a father's faith can provide.
I'll always be his princess, no matter what bad
Choices I may make in life, I know he'll pick me
Up and smooth out the wrinkles in my velvet gown,
Wiping away my tears, turning them instantly into diamond
Shards, and letting me dance away again, clapping
For this his darling princess.
So let the musical waltz of life, play forever forward,
As I lightly tip toe, across destiny’s ballroom floor.
My dancing card remains eternally full, written within
One name stands out, it is yours dearest sweet man.
He is after all my prince charming, and I am
His dearest little girl, and of coarse in his eyes
Always his little princess.
BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN
I brought her into this world,
But she is like a mother to me,
Darkness is the only colour for me,
Though I see the beautiful world,
Through her eyes only,
Every morning she holds my hand,
She walks with me in the garden,
Tells me the beauty of nature,
I see the magical creation of God,
Through her eyes only,
She sits next to me,
Tells me how water changes its colours,
When sun’s rays fall into the pond,
How swiftly the fishes change their directions,
There is only darkness all around,
Though I can see some light of hope,
Through her eyes only,
I can smell the roses,
I can feel the intense heat of the sun,
I can listen to the mystical sound of chimes,
But I can see none of them,
She clasps her little fingers around mine,
And makes me see beyond the darkness,
I remember to live every day,
Through her eyes only,
I cannot see my child,
But she is the apple of my eye,
I live because she is in my life,
I feel my existence in this world,
Through her eyes only,
I might give up on life,
But her indomitable will,
Helps me to survive,
I fall in love with the darkness,
Because it brings me closer to my child,
And I can see a beautiful life ahead,
Through her eyes only!
I sit in awe
As the music reaches my ear
My 19 year old girl…..
The woman in the other room
Home from university
In her own world
And yet it seeps out to me
What moves her
And I listen
At the beauty that emanates
That floats to me on the notes
The music of her soul
And I wonder...
What did I ever do
To deserve this gift of heaven
This woman who is a part of me and yet
So much more
Her voice more mellow
Her thoughts more lucid, clear
Her talent, no mere trickling stream of words
But a torrent
Waiting behind the doors of her heart
I ask her
To leave all she is doing for a moment
And come into her mother’s arms
Glory of glory…
And nestles in my lap
Sensing my need
And I bury my head in her neck
And wrap my arms around her
Her long curly black tresses
That reach down to her waist
Still wet from the shower
Fall all round me
Touch my face
With refreshing joy
And because these feelings
Are so profound
I try to capture my thoughts
To articulate them in a way
She will understand
The depth of my love for her
And all I can mutter…
As we rock back and forth
Are these simple words…
“I love you, baby.
Let me hold you a while
I know you are a woman now
But I’m still a Mommy
And my Mommy heart
Needs to be needed for a while.”
And she holds me
Till I've had my fill
“I love you, Mama.”
And I am content
For I know she is strong
Stronger than I ever was
Stronger than I will ever be
Able to speak her mind
To stand for her rights
To be who she was meant to be
And I pray for more time
To be there
After she has satisfied her desire
To travel the world
I long to be there
To see her wed
With a little child at her breast
Fulfilling her ultimate dream...
Should God will it
For I know
She will be fine
This child of mine
That I live on in her mind
I’ll smile before I sleep
She’ll remember the lullabies
I wrote for her
On some night
She’ll sing a similar one
To her little girl
As a tear escapes
And she remembers
Words that I whispered
About how MY world
Was made beautiful
By her smile….
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Yesterday when I stood before him, he spoke my name
Today, I still stand, but the floorboards are cold
and he no longer knows the color of my eyes.
With each spoonful of the steaming grey I lift my arms,
Up, then down, again and again, a repeated motion – weeping,
My arms are trembling with the weight of the spoon
that holds in its cupped womb my raw, injured soul.
Father, I say, in a voice cold from straining not to break
I prod away the soup dribbling down his chin, gently.
The wrinkled hands are limp at his sides, lost.
What should be mad and free is caged within me; fluttering
feebly, thumping about in a circle of broken pieces
The look in his blank eyes has labeled me a stranger
But when they are closed my name is written on his face.
Their tongues are laced with poison.
They stretch and crane their necks,
Trying to get as many licks in as possible.
Their rule is unstable, always shifting.
They licked the wrong person this time.
She had beauty and power in ways they never could.
Their lick did not make her scream out in pain,
It made her roar with frustration and anger!
She sat quietly, playing with the animals.
She was waiting for her mother’s return.
Her mother’s roar shook the very ground beneath her.
The sky turned a foreboding gray as she raced toward her mother.
“I will not stand for their ignorance!
I have stayed in this land for too long.
I will move to where their rule can’t touch me.”
The mother, upon seeing the daughter, smiled softly.
“You do not have to come with me if you don’t want to.
The choice is up to you, my love.”
With that, the mother went to her house to pack.
But, she will not leave until the daughter has made her decision.
“What should I do? The people here have been so nice to me!
I don’t want to leave them, but what about this ruler?
Do I really want to support someone with no sense to rule?
Maybe if I just live a quiet, reserved life here, I’ll be okay!”
Word had gotten around that she was thinking of leaving.
The ruler decided to try to use her against her mother.
“Why leave your MANY friends because of one person?’”
Out of all the works she has done, this is the only one they commented on.
They must think she’s stupid.
She never wanted to get involved,
But they are trying to force her into this.
They have over stepped their boundaries.
The announcement about her and her mother had been taken down.
After, an announcement was made indirectly saying that theirs were irrelevant.
She had enough of this pettiness and had made up her mind.
She is leave side by side with her mother.
'Twas years ago, my little potter girl,
Her tiny hands had shaped a lump of clay.
Little fingers in artistic moves swirled,
Sculpting the wet earth for many a day.
With a single thought that for her mother it was..
A girl, a fusion of kitten and a bird,
Grave thoughts, them she would whittle away.
So tranquil, so composed her art;
Wondered how this figure she'd carved...
Gently as she lifted it out from her box,
Uncovered her treasure, A Clay Doll--
Like an unpainted relic, raw in form.
She sat with hands folded in her lap,
The swell of her long skirt falling around.
Unsmoothen'd hair was tied in a knot,
From her ears drooped two little round bobs.
On her face she had put a nose,
On her bosom had placed a whorled rose.
Wasn't surprised that her inspiration,
As spoke of Romulus-Remus and artifacts Harappan,
So had to be of ancient civilization.
The doll, like a figurine from antiquity,
An image of her purest soul.
Unglazed, unburnished form of earth.
In its quaintness, a rare beauty.
Has imprints of a little artist's hands,
Her delicate fluid touch on clay.
For Charlotte Puddifoot's contest : "Enter the 1st, 2nd & 3rd Place Poems"
For nette's contest : " Anything Handmade"
Since first I saw you, it was your eyes,
mesmerizing, your gaze transporting
me to a realm, not of fantasy, real,
where young men go when cupid’s
arrow takes root.
Since first I saw you, it was your lips,
captivating, holding me frozen
in anticipation of our lips brushing
for the first time.
Since first I saw you, it was your voice,
a crescendo, light, invigorating,
each word you speak intensifies
my hearing, enveloping each
note, time ceases as I hang motionless
Since first I saw you, it was your hair,
long, flowing, gently rising above
your shoulders as a slight breeze
passes through sending waves
of your essence my way.
The sun magnifying each strand,
highlighting the minute
variances of invigorating color,
creating a halo effect, a portrait of
your beauty forever imprinted.
Since first I saw you, It was you,
my love forever more for you,
The morning dew gently caresses you
like the faint whisper of a young child's kiss.
Your limbs yearningly reach for the sun
as if awaiting a long lost lover's embrace.
Only a pair of vacant eyes could fail to see
the wonderful symphony of color waiting to be.
If allowed to come into full bloom uninterrupted,
butterflies will dance liltingly across your awakening splendor
as honey bees sing praises to your blossoms burgeoning bounty.
I can only pray your thorns grow sharp and rugged enough
to defend against the groping hands of life's wickedness.
Only the desires of the most savage hearts would ravage
a still unfolding beauty and extinguish a spectacle yet to be.
Only a vile pair of ears could fail to hear a shattering heart
and the soul deafening screams of a rose picked too soon.
I've written the lyrics to two lullabies for my daughter, Shereen. I even made
up the tunes, and I'd sing to her when she was a baby to put her to sleep. She
still remembers those songs at 19 years of age. For my birthday last May, she
wrote this poem as a gift....just like last year. The quoted parts are words taken from the lullabies. I adore my daughter, my greatest and most precious gift.
“When she smiles, I feel like a bird in the sky.”
The words softly sung to the weary child-
This bundle of whimpers
This armful of distress-
Hoping they’d ease her restlessness
Hoping they’d calm her disquieted heart…
And they did.
Like nothing else ever could.
Nothing could comfort her
Like the voice of her mother.
“She is the apple of my eye.”
Rocking gently in time with the tune, she swiftly fell
Fell into a peaceful slumber
Nuzzled in the warmth of her consoler
Whimpers softened, distress vanished
Floating in the promise
That those words would be there
To welcome her in the morning.
Nothing could comfort her
Like the voice of her mother.
“With laughter and joy she fills my heart”
Nestled in that kind embrace
The child, now almost grown
With tear-stained face and heavy heart
Couldn't fight the world alone
But whenever she was breaking, too tired to go on
She’d search for those same words-
To ease her restlessness
To calm her disquieted heart…
She’d search for those same words
To find them in those same arms.
And she’d fall. Like she always did.
Fall into that peaceful slumber
Floating in the promise
That those words would be there
To welcome her in the morning.
Nothing could comfort her
Like the voice of her mother.
Written by Shereen Nathalie Ghali (May 18, 2014)
Please read The Month of May...which is Shereen's first birthday poem written for me and posted here. You will find it if you type the title in PS's search engine. It is a beauty and is in rhyme.
One evening, much like any other
striated feathers of pinks, and deepest primrose
colored the clouds with facets of light tapering inward
Traces of gold between each color
as deep and clear as the sages
A red sun overhead, grown weary with seasons,
did not seem to notice that we were mother and child
Whispering sounds of emerald breezes
did not label me wise, nor her naive'
We were two who walked equally side by side
She lifted her voice,
and spoke with an eloquence I had not heard before,
and it was just as the twilight calls to the stars....
so that they will know just what to do
Young spruces stood bolt upright,
every twig stiff with interest, and with deep respect
at her every word
as if they were watching transformation in tandem,
an exchange so delicately detectable
That in one clinging moment, to the other,
one of us was letting go of childhood,
and one was letting go of the child
Both of us looking to the sky for recognition
I watched the sycamore shed beneath the load of spent yellow and gold
Letting them softly go, without remorse
while I did the same
FROM HEART TO PAPER UNEDITED
For every tear you shed from hurt
physical or emotional
For every tear you shed from shame
rightly or wrongly
my heart sheds a beat
I never knew love
Until I knew you
I love you both
from my tippy toes
to the peak
of my silver threads
Don't hurt my dears
But when you do
I will hold you tight
Encase your fears
Minimize the pain
And when my heart bleeds
or slightly feels a crack
It's because my daughters
your lives before mine.
I love you so much girls...
This is a poem about the future I'd love to have with the boy of my dreams.
None of this has actually happened yet (besides us falling in love with eachother) but it's how I would like it to happen.
Once upon a time, I became the luckiest girl in the world. I fell in love with a gorgeous boy with blue eyes, and he actually loved me back. He was like my prince, he treated me like his princess and would do anything for me. Today, we're united as King and Queen. It's been years, but walking down the aisle I'm still staring at the cutest, most perfect guy I've ever seen. When our lips finally meet after parting to say "I do", it tastes like Heaven.
Once upon a time, I married a gorgeous boy with blue eyes. And today, I saw those perfect blue eyes light up when he first held our little girl in his arms. She's got her Daddy's blue eyes and just a little bit of her Momma's brown hair. She's going to be spoiled and loved more than possible. She'll know we support her no matter what, and she can tell us everything. It will be perfect.
Once upon a time, one set of blue eyes became two, and we were made into a family. Now, that second pair of blue eyes is walking out the door to college, with a suitcase in one hand and a boy's hand in the other. He better love her and treat her just as well as her Daddy does.
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a gorgeous boy with blue eyes. His hair has dulled and grayed but his eyes are the same, and they've seen a lifetime's worth of happiness and love. My baby had babies with the boy she walked out the door with, and I can tell she loves them as much as we loved her. Now it's her time to live.
with her dear children
she builds castles in white sand -
tiny particles glistening in her hands
her smile is translucent
and like the crystalline ocean
beneath the midday sun
having cooked for us
she brings out delicious food arranged
beautifully on clear glass platters
and from a matching vase
she serves us drinks
pouring out liquid
my son’s wife
our newest grandson’s mother
and my second daughter
she is Crystal
Written by andrea dietrich 3/9/14
for the Metaphor: Crystal contest of nette onclaud
You irritate me.
You touched your daughter.
Actually, you touch not just yours,
You sick and twisted man.
You try your hardest to get it in
But she knows better than to let you.
You detest what a father should be
and act like nothing happens after.
All this, you see, will just past away
is what you say.
But no, Memories last through time.
Who could forget what you did?
You sick and twisted man.
But one thing irritates me the most,
how this has affected her soul,
how this affected her outlook on life.
how this has been embedded in her,
making her feel like a computer with a virus.
You sick and twisted man.
I want to do bad things to you,
like kill you,
or banish you to hell.
But, I have been taught “we also forgive us who sins against us”.
So I forgive you, and love on you as if you are me.
it is written “Love your neighbor as yourself”
and I will.
You lost and forgiven man.
She sleeps with a nine
waits for his face
his distant return
A tragic slime
pried into her life
impossible to reject
a boxed life
pulled by strings
An explosion is inevitable
the storm's coming
and she knows it
so she sleeps with a nine
and waits for his face
The evening star glowing in a dust choked sky.
A girl stands by a window, with a tear in her eye.
She stares at the scene, hardly visible through the grime.
She whispers in the wind, “Bring my Dad home this time”
She opens the window, and climbs outside,
Having a flashlight, in her hand, as her guide.
Its glow shows the sides of the street.
She’s afraid for what the light will meet
Bodies piled everywhere she turns,
She wants to go home, and never return.
What brought this fate upon her town?
All her emotions are stripped and torn down.
A frightening sound explodes in her ear.
Shadows in the road now appear.
She run and hides behind a broken wall
Praying to god the rest doesn’t fall.
Footsteps coming closer to her
She can’t tell who because it’s all a blur
She backs away further so not to be seen in light,
Quieting her heart pounding from fright.
Gun shots and screams fill the air,
All these sounds, her ears couldn’t bear.
A slight whimper slips from her lips,
And over the broken stone she trips.
The shadows run closer, showering her heart with fear,
She wishes they would just disappear.
They pass by her; she fills with delight,
She just wants to see her dad tonight.
She shines the light, to show her place,
And to the shine comes a familiar face.
She doesn’t understand who’s to blame
Because on the tag shows her father’s name.
She holds in her tears and refrains from crying.
She falls to the ground where her dad was lying.
She lifts his arm and buries her face in his chest.
She closes her eyes wanting to forget the rest.
The shadows emerge yet she doesn’t see,
How close the end for her would be.
They look down at her, aim, shoot, and fire.
Being with her dad is her only desire.
The night had ended causing a little girl harm
But she took her last breath, in her father’s arms.
People watching, on a park bench under a ripe sun,
I sat, seemingly wasting time. My heart smiled the second hour when I saw John,
my father, in the clouds. He smiled back with arms that reached
from the past to pick the sun from the sky like a peach.
Golden light splattered,
as he bit into the fruit at high noon; with my head back
and tongue out, I tasted drops of sunlit ambrosia.
My father winked from the clouds. His eyes searched to teach
a lesson of love from father to daughter, spanning a gap in time. "God is love",
I heard on whispering wind. "Scotland". Again, he said, "Scotland". I didn't understand.
"My mom wanted to go but never did. Live, give and forgive, outlive the bad, relive the good",
like thunder from his mouth
I heard the words echo. "Time is on My Side" played
in the background on an old transistor radio as ancient
as the silent man, still like a statue, next to me. A hush fell on the park and a peace
swept over me. Men, women, spirits kept moving by for hours, yet none
were noticed as my wide eyes stared at the passing sky. I was happy.
In fact, I had never felt happier, but I knew I was running on empty,
exhaustion washed over me from the power of emotions while the sky moved north to south.
Clouds faded with daylight. Sadly, I blew a kiss goodbye "knowing the sky was feeling the same".
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, May 31, 2012
for Mish-Mash contest (Tracie)
Enter a storybook tale
Where I can be
The heroine you hail
Lucid dreams of soft reflection
A touch heated with lust and desired protection
A breathe a gasp as we succeed
Join the fairytale with me
Valiant night within dark eyes
the right movement and I make them shine
like moonlight on the steamy hot spring
care to follow for a little dip with me
Trailing like the water at my fingertips
Grasp me around my hips
As close as the breeze on my skin
Whisper lies as I let you in
Lips mumbling up my thighs
bare heart exposed to the sky
fire burning in my veins
Am I a mistress of this lust or simply a slave
Trembling with desire
Take me till we've lost count of the hours
enter this storybook tale
Where I can be the heroine you hail
i know someone was holding my hand
the day i reached into the fire
the day i helped you climb out of the pit you had dug
i know someone was holding you
the day you scaled the wall to reach me
your sister katharine underneath
pushing up before it would all erupt
her love for you has always been deep
one and one makes two and i was three
yes it took all of us to hear the flutter of wings
the powers that be
help those who help themselves
our angels never gave up on us
stood at our sides
saved us because we were worth saving
i never underestimate the power of angels
i thank them every day
thank them for ali for kat
for as long as i have a breath left to breathe
thank the angels for my amazing daughters
thank the universe for our special bond
and always alison
and always katharine
a fathers joy a fathers love and more
every pore of us
still always one.
You have a schedule;
we have our problems -
you don't want to hear about it.
You only care about loving us,
you only want to laugh, not cry.
You have been bargained for
like a second-hand item,
but you are a first-class person.
I have watched you suffer
from this terrible fate;
you didn't have anything to do with it,
it will never be your fault -
I promise you that.
You are a blessing from above;
we have darkened that blessing
with our stupidity and stubborness.
All you want is peace and
wholeness once again;
all we want is to be separate,
but we both want to share your life.
I've fractured your life,
I've divided your time,
but most of all,
forgive me for not being there
when you most need a hug;
my soul always cries for you,
you are my child...
the one pure gift from above.
Please forgive me, my child.
For "Free For all" contest sponsored by Leighann Anderson.
Sinking pearls of stone, in an obligatory skip
before the plunge
Haloing the horizon in silver riddles
and the earth is still.
No tides to bite the green watered breath.
No new moons eclipsed by the earth's turn to greatness.
And we laugh.
Laugh in salty brine and cosmos air.
Following the stone's tunnels in a dive into the blue.
Capturing smoothness of hair and palms.
Breaking the evening ocean floor in rhythm
as we catapult to surface calm.
Silver tipped fish wings scatter in water rings.
Algae backed hermit crabs skitter on crackling legs.
And we are the epitome of glee tonight with a fist full of ocean
and two thirds of a wish never ending.
I recall . . .
Dad's work shed to this day
The scent of wood and dust in the air
Cobwebs in corners and crooks
Sun flooding in through windows
His scarred and scored wooden work table
And the countless tin cans of nails and screws
And Dad working on a new plan
His coffee cup forgotten and ignored
And I would bring him flowers
Precious dandelions, buttercups and daisies
Which he would place in a dirty container of some sort
Smiling, he would lift me up to sit beside him
We would ponder his scribbled sketches
O, the grand ideas he had
I still have those doodles and outlines
And the lazy afternoon would pass
For me and Dad
And later we would sit on the rusty porch swing
Side by side, just swinging
And I would hold his hand so tight
Like I never wanted to let it go
But, God had a plan
Written in the book of destiny
And who am I
To question what is written by God
So, I had to let go
But today, I sure am missing Dad
April 14, 2013
Placed First in Poet Destroyers Surprize Contest, 2013
Submitted to #1 Poems Only Contest
by Amy Swanson
Running to me
with big hugs
and even bigger brown eyes
smile full of mischief
arms thrown around my neck
--- almost choking me!---
"I love you Mommy!"
my little "Long-Legs"
how fast you have grown.
Almost as tall
as your short mama
*but then that wouldn't take much*
remembering a time
when my little Long-Legs
... my long-legged girl...
had little bitty
just learning how to toddle around the house
crawling faster than I could walk
running to keep up with her...!...
purple baby food plums smeared across a happy smiling mouth
full of giggles
with no idea how cruel this world can be;
Oh how time flies.
She's nine next week
toddler toys long gone;
she wants a bike
so she can ride like the wind --
already the taste of freedom in her mouth
already the feel of freedom in her spirit
away from me.
But she knows
I will always
*and, somehow, forever*
watch over my little girl
even when she is no longer little.
She smiles at me
teeth slightly crooked
hair brushed all by herself
and asks "Do you like my style?"
already planning her fashion agenda
like every "big girl" does.
My almost-nine year old girl
born on lucky clover day
March 17th, 2000
the day she changed my life
so grown up, so soon...
and I know more is on the way.
What I don't know
is how this mother's heart will fare
when one day she leaves.
You make my life complete
full of tickles and giggles
I love you so,
my little Long-Legs.
Her bedroom was a sunny yellow
The paint reflecting her charms
She woke from slumber smiling
with enormous baby grins that greeted each morning
As she grew, this sunny disposition
came from her soul
As much a part of her, as her arms or legs
As sunny as the yellow curls that crowned her head
Her whims, could be soft and delicate,
like holding a yellow duckling in the palm of your hand....
but, most often, giggly and playful, and filled with mischief
like sharing yellow buttered popcorn with a friend,
while tossing some in the air
Her heart grew like a little flame
growing brighter with every year
Her eyes would shine, like stars that twinkle in their mirth
and matured with kindness, soft as a pale yellow rose
The sun seemed to follow her radiance, a glow from within
She could warm a room on a cold day
A ray of sunshine, like the daffodils, born to lift spirits and bring a bit of cheer
It is no surprise
that the grown woman she would become
would bear a sunny little boy
with yellow curls, and a beaming smile
who lights up my life
who sits in the glow of yellow lamplight
who draws pictures of a big, fat, happy, yellow sun
with his favorite yellow crayon
and says to me.....
"Will you color with me, Grandma?...
Which color do you like best?"......
For my daughter...who is the sunshine of our family...
What a joy to behold
Always my little baby
You hold my lifeline
A part of my heart
My life time
you're so precious
A treasure of all treasures
To cherish you
with all that I am
An angel my daughter
Who every day
I believe in
You my little sweetheart
The apple of my eye
Forever my child
You will live with me
All of your life
In the heart's
In a special place
I once held
My little angel
My beautiful daughter
in the heart
With a father
Who loves you
The man with the plastic bug in his head
monopolized my dreams last night
in the place that the horsefly of my dignity
finally surrender to the impresario without a fight.
Seven days and 7 hours transplanted in my memorabilia
reminding the rustiness of the purple child
flatterers danced beneath the clouds of melancholy
and morality spreader the master plan inside my mind.
The disinheritance of my immortality the final day
discouraged my desire to see the forbidden love
restored my will to escape
manipulated the deep of the uncertainty above.
Released from the plastic bug in my head
try to cover my yellow child in the purple sky
seven days and seven hours before he dies.
And how each day I wake
You take from me a little more
Than I have to give…
And how I’d give you everything
In me so willingly.
I watch you sitting at your table
Playing with your toys
Watching the television
Rubbing your feet on the floor
Hair a tangled mess.
I wish William and Myrna
My parents; your grandparents
Could have known you
Or felt for just a second
How it feels to love you.
When I watch you run
Or we play ‘Tag’ and you call
Me the monster, fleeing
Running as fast as you can
And the sparkle of joy in your eye…
Every time we play
That silly old game
I find it harder and harder
To hold back my tears
And yes, sometimes I have to
Turn away from you
Because I haven’t the strength
To hold the tears back.
I get embarrassed and I wipe
Them away before you see them.
It’s great being a father
Watching you grow
Hearing you talk
Seeing the world through
When we go to the park
I will thank God for your happiness.
I will thank him for your life.
And I will likely turn away
To wipe away
I sit here in the park amidst a carpet of green speckled with buttercups and daisies
A pale blue sky above ceilings my room as I close my eyes
as I open my ears to the Summer sounds surrounding me
Buzzing encircles me as bumble bees in picnic mode
collect the rich nectar from the sporadic yellows and whites
To my left in the distance I hear the distinct sound of children playing in the parks
Shriek's that would cut glass are consumed by the vast expanse
Water splashing resonates through the air as if carried on the Summer breeze
Chimes appear from the distance as a frenzy of screams shout
Mam, dad it's the ice cream van
Suddenly a quietness descends as I picture children and adults
licking their ice cream nectar like thirsty hungry bees
To my right I hear the distinctive grunts of my daughter and her friend
emulating Flushing Meadow on the local tennis courts
The odd yell of congratulations from watching spectators breaks the scene
As I turn my head again in radar like fashion I zoom in on the aviary where gorgeous
budgies are kept
I can picture their greens, yellows and blues through my closed eyelids
This little community chirp endlessly as they flutter in organised commotion
Delights of aw echo across the flower beds as they are absorbed in my
Modern man interrupts this tranquil scene as metal birds noisily
roar overhead whilst bodied engines reverberate reminding us of the mechanical
world we live in
My own little world this Summers afternoon comes to an end as my daughter and her
friend return with vociferous tones
I open my eyes as normality returns
We gather our belongings as we head of home listening to the cacophony of modernism
( my oldest daughter who scored the highest marks in her high school when she
graduated had started experimenting with drugs when she was 16 years old. She is
now 22 years old. Seven months ago I paid to put her in an excellent Rehab
Program it was a 90 day program where she was confined. I am happy to say that
she is now seven months clean and doing excellent. I did not want to write a horror
piece about addiction. We were both there we already know how that went. I did
write this poem to celebrate my beautiful wonderful successful daughter. There is
no one in this world I love more than my two daughters. I didn't know what real
love was until I had children.)
i saw the crow fly through the perfectly aligned tree tunnel
poplars that like soldiers stood.
i saw the crow fly through the draped purple lace air that like a prism hung,
into the enchanted forest.
another time, another place. where they had tied you to a wooden cross,
where they had lit the tinder that circled you,
where the flames rose to take you. from ashes to ashes...
it was there your bird lifted you, lifted you with his unusually large talons.
it was then your feathered creature flew you out, flew you to safety.
past your soldiers, still in perfect form.
past the adoring crowds,to your rightful place
where you sit on your throne queen of the gates,
and through it all you never cried. not even a whimper. you never blinked.
you ruled with your heart,
always kind, always the light.
August 28 2014
Addictive Poetry Contest
Mind wandering through misty woods.
You don't understand your purpose.
I knew you too little,
Please do not shed your salty emotions,
Not out of anger, not out of sadness.
You now lose your way so easily,
You sink, you burst, you burn inwardly.
You weep from frustrations,
From the guilt of an honest smile,
From pains, that you forget for a moment,
That come swiftly back to haunt you of your loss.
I understand, dear friend.
You once had a light and the woods seek to snuff it out.
Do not fear, dear friend,
Friend follow me, as I once did you.
Friend, now you see?
Yes, you see,
The little wisps in the fog that guide us home."
~In memory of Bill Hamman, and all else who have suffered the pains of Alzheimer's
. Cutting off its top
inside the flesh so fresh
and easy to scoop out
art hides intentions
for the model's on my mind
depicting her face
her scowl, monstrous frown
"my daughter needs..."
"my daughter deserves..."
Onto the outside surface
and enjoying my thoughts
sharp knife to hollow
out the gourd, the pulp
oh! dexterous spoon
Madness shines in its design
"If my daughter would have thought..."
"If my daughter had listened to me..."
Her scornful smile, her last
of orange teeth, putrid breath
As the natural
empty and scary
At night a light will be placed
inside...deep... to illuminate
or perhaps an ardent candle
to burn from within
I still listen to her
"What is he doing instead of..."
And I smile like Jack...
It's just fictional! Mine is my second Mom. : ) She better be... : )
You started as a droplet inside a shell,
Warm, languid, liquid.
Now that safe harbour,
Has turned you into a sea.
To create you, every wonderful thing I've thought,
Every ray of light I've ever seen,
Was harnessed in that single drop.
To nourish...to divide,
Cell by cell
Pouring forward from me,
Toward my ultimate worth.
I didn't know it,
But until that point,
My world had been flat.
You helped me peek over the edge,
We looked into an unfolding universe,
Then you jumped with me!
A galaxy of light and giggles
Radiated through me,
To get to you.
Spirit and Soul,
Light and Hope.
You are so much more
Than an extension
Of my heart or limb.
I am, because of you.
You are, because of me.
Forever bundled in love,
I get to be your Mother.
Hope built upon the sand
as castles before the waves.
Heart filled with Puppy love
and hymns sung beneath
Daddy's watchful eye.
Nothing Holy remains
Happy a forgotten word.
Love drowned in Jack and coke
before he was thee years old.
No harmony in that house
that house not a home.
Her health a poor excuse to stay
a good excuse to leave him home.
Praying no one would see.
My hand on fire as it closed
on the frozen food.
Filling my pack ~ without looking
Hungry doesn't care
as long as it's fed.
A starving beast~ wild
Anything a feast
after three days.
Afraid of getting caught.
Pride a terrible thing.
It always grows before the fall.
Tonight we eat like a king
in a land of milk and honey.
Pigtails and peas with rice.
Never knowing he knew
till the end. ~ Grateful
that he understood.
wishing I could change things.
Ashamed of my actions.
Sometimes sand castles fall.
Holding a feverish hand I
laughed until I cried.
I should have thrown down
that foolish pride. I could have had
steaks and chops too.
I still have the old key
He passed to me.
I hold it in my hand sometimes.
The old freezers long gone.
I Hold on to it remind me.
Sometimes Sand castles fall.
There isn't much a parent
misses. Hidden in our eyes.
Remember that and remember too
that The good stuff is locked away
But that Daddy shares with all!
My daughter, my Queen
as Solomon said, you are above
the crown on my head
from rubble and stone
gates for a throne
Queen, daughter, Queen
of pride and lust
forgive me intrust
not what man will give
but take what you must
Power you wield
no doubt in my vein
the blood that is cold
in warmth you will claim
what is your position
with faith as a seed
man whose fruition
is boasting to bleed
my Queen my throne
thorn in my head
blessed of water
ancient we shed
scares in the skin
Queen have you paid
too much for a sin
remember the garden
fruit of the sun
you offered me there
a kingdom undone
naked your breast
no temple of shame
I took of your fruit
gave you my name
knowing us so
Why you embrace
our invisible soul
sure, God willed
or something the same
man of the dust
woman the rain
Queen of a temple
so Godless, until
Queen, oh my daughter
your blossom would heal
Teeny tiny tornado....
Pretty fits of laughter....
She shreds the house to pieces…
I thought I cleaned that!
As I wander behind her
Like a lunatic
picking up the rubbish
that she scatters
with such glee
A gleam of mischievous
in her blue eyes….
“I need sleep!”
“Come back here!”
As she tears through
Wind of wild child
and fits of happy
a universe of little
A cosmic egg of love
a free spirit
So Beautiful her soul
So pure her heart
she is so perfect
when shes sleeping...
So destructive to my home!
Who would have known
Someone so small
could wreck such havoc
on a house and a heart?
“What is that?!"
"Did you pull that
from the toilet?!”
Yep, she did!
Have I mentioned
I need sleep?
Teeny Tiny Tornado....
Dark eyes shine,
reflecting trees and skies
as they fly by.
Small hands hold on as,
with each kick of her bare legs,
she inches ever higher.
At the apex of her arc
she hangs for a moment,
Earth’s gravity and
Tonight as my baby girl started to pray
She said God it's 8 O'Clock,
And God We need to talk.
She said daddy help me pray,
And daddy bow your head,
As we knelt beside her bed.
she said God can you hear me?
Mommy always said you'd hear me,
If I would learn to pray,
And that you would show me the way.
Well God I don't understand.
Why you took my mommy away.
Daddy always says i'll understand,
When I grow up some day.
She said God, you need your son.
Well I need my mommy to,
And I know that my daddy,
Would be happier with mommy.
Cause daddy talks to her,
And mommy's not even there.
God can you please,
Give my mommy wings,
So she can come to see us.
She always kept our house clean,
And God I know,
She keeps your house clean to.
And God I miss mommy's big hugs,
Daddy says your son gives hugs to.
So I know if my mommy had wings,
She could hug me and daddy.
Well God I want to thank you,
For being there to listen,
And God think about what I said.
And tell mommy that I love her,
And God I love you to.
Oh just one more thing God,
Help my daddy stop crying.
Thank you God, Amen,
Then she turned to me and said,
Goodnight daddy, I love you.
I was still on my knees,
Beside my little girls bed,
With tears running from my eyes.
I gave my baby a goodnight kiss,
And said sweet dreams baby girl.
Then I went to my room,
And kissed my wife's picture,
And with tears in my eyes,
I knelt down to pray,
I said God, We need to talk.
The baby was a chrysalis
The woman a butterfly.
Your age now is mine
When I was yours
And held you on your first day
Coming into the world
So time rolls
From me to you, but I
Have never seen the thing
The frost upon my hair
Is only a change of season
A climate of my age.
How do I write my love upon the moon?
How do I
Tell how a father's trust upon you swoon
Your silence where belonging longs?
I so old
Fashion, filled with forms so clothed in wrongs
Telling of the heart weakens fiber of the man
The pain in me is more than you can understand
Of a fear
That if I relent you may in my weakness fall
And leave me
More desolate that Christ before he drank his gall.
O this love
A wave incessant in tidal force against the rock
Makes the sands
That runs determinant in my crystal clock.
You close your eyes because of excruciating pain,
blood flows down your arms,
images of light flash before your brain.
Your body gets weak as you fall to the floor,
leaving your body behind,
Your pain is no more.
In a small dark space now, people crying above.
Wondering what went wrong, everyone thought that you knew you were loved...
Crushing your parents dreams of seeing there baby girl grow and become a wife.....
Leaving them with grieving questions of what hurt there angle so bad she'd take her own
suicide..... It's not a joke its a cry for help...
Look for love, affection, or attention some one may lack.
Suicide, is death there is no coming back.....
Open your heart, open your eyes, look around.... keep our people alive...
I know all the stories that she'd told she been livin in lies she knows shes doin
wrong.All i know is she need to do right. I can't keep oncryin momma s do it just
please no more fights. I tell myself that she will do better, momma we are a
family ain't we supposed to bo together. What happened to our happy fun. Every
since that doy violence but more guns. You used to give me hugs what
happened to all the kisses, all the good times yes we allmisses.We can forget
abut it momma thanks to you. You can't play me nomore i'm not a little fool. I try
so hard but why can't you stop. One day i just wish you will and IT gonna drop.
My precious little love,
As you lay asleep,
with your coat of
and sweet, childish,
slumber of peace
Let not the worry
that I always feel
enter your heart.
Not my contemplation
or my fear
Do not let it brand you
with cold fingers.
Please never wonder
our food comes from
For, you will always
stay, forever, fed.
Ponder not, whether we
will have heat.
You will always stay warm.
Keep that light,
inside your eyes.
The one of sweet
May your dance in life
be forever, with no
Always keep that joy.
That childish euphoria.
Do not question, ever,
if my love runs out.
For, it is infinite.
It swells larger
every day I hold you.
Agony builds inside,
as fiery tears course
down my face,
in little rivers.
Please, may you always
look at me with love.
With a childs love.
I hope you never,
find out, my child,
that Mommy isn't perfect.
My little Jenny and me
Remembering a time
When Laurel And Hardy
Brought such classics to T.V
My Jenny asked mom can you see me
Just cruising home in a big jelopy
With my Feathered Friend Buddy
Perched on my shoulder and you Yelling
Smile Your On Candid Camera
That had to be such a Jungle Fever back then
Think I liked it better When you used to sing to me
That I'm A Big Girl Now
Just Putzing Around here
with my last 10 poems
But Love to watch
Old Classic comedies on T.V. with Jenny
And Trying To explain to her about Cinema
I closed my eyes and tried to forget the way you smiled and those dark
You touched my soul and I just wanted you to know that. You blew my
mind for so many years and now I feel so alone.
I cancelled you so long ago, I swore that this was finished. But the only thing that was
ever finished was a lie and I swore to my heart that it didn't.
Didn't beat every time I saw you, Didn't tip every time you smiled. Didn't trip over
myself every time I pretend that I wasn't.
It was all a lie and I couldn't control the fact that I wanted you, every part of you
I would sneak little glances at you out of the corner of my eyes, Remember
that i'm not confident at times I can be kind of shy.
I wanted this to be secret but it was just waiting to burst out, and as the years went
by I find myself dying to see you once again. Is that you I see on the train? I shiver
just at the thought.
How many times am I gonna flip when it wasn't even you just a look alike.
This has to tell me something this has to be a sign, If I ever saw you again I would
jump off a cliff so high.
But then again I remember you were supposed to be cancelled that's
what I told all my friends.
You were no longer viewing in my mind, A past show, just
some long road that i'd done traveled.
It wasn't until some time later that a friend
whispered in my ear, she told me that you were doing ok and then the feelings
started to surface again.
God I yelled at myself can you be anymore pathetic... I wasn't going out like that this
is the last time I write about this person.
I smile knowing that this poem is just the third of many... cancelled? It would never be
fully over in my mind, I mean a girl has to have her fantasies.
the deadly poison
through these veins
A C R O S S
the primitive beat
sending my heart
the sound of the
you tell me i am precious to you.
i am not your currency.
you tell me the circumstances are beyond our control.
but i control everything,
every word that leaks from my mouth.
you made me this way,
shaped me from wax,
using knives and tears to make scars in my form.
you tell me you have loved me,
and until your dying day.
these words slither from your tongue.
you could never have loved me,
its not something thats easy to do.
you dont care what path my life takes,
you dont know what i have been forced into.
you dont want love,
you want control.
you don't want a daughter,
you want a follower.
i have accepted that i have no mother,
that i was created by life's sick fantasy.
i wanted to love you,
when there was still a chance.
so don't lie to me anymore,
don't tell me that it doesnt have to be this way.
dont thank god for me.
there is no god.
and i am just a curse,
because i hurt you.
you preach that you have room for me in your heart, that you think of me everyday.
and i think of you,
in the morning when i wake,
and in the night when i rest my head.
nothing can ever be easy,
in my heart, there are only cracks
and cobwebs where you might have been before.
it throbs and convulses, refusing love.
i couldnt love anyone,
not if i tried.
not if i wanted.
From her perspective,
pastel and vibrant
and kissing the sky
She has a way
of expressing opinions
in still lifes,
in softness becoming an art
She paints with fingers
small versions of mine
and she wonders when
she will be an adult
In her perspective
the beauty's amusing
She writes me love notes
passed under the door
Her voice is crackling
and sweet in the morning
She's always asking
for gum and for treats
From her perspective,
I'm wise for admiring
the simple delights
soaked in beauty reposed.
She lay sleeping with hidden sorrow.
I lay at rest one eye opened.
My mind races for answers not yet asked.
This hurt is so deep. Hers or mine?
Life seems so sad for the young or old?
Would she end all so soon?
This love is not deep.
Selfish, coward, loser.
So young to leave and rest.
Leave me with one eye opened.
Life is not fair to some so young.
To take a life at ones on hand
is to leave a soul uneasy.
And sleeps with one eye opened.
Rest now beside to one who's
love was not deep. Easy escape.
No tears, no sorrow, no pain.
Suns up now and yet another
morn is the dawn.
As I arise time stands still,
to wipe a tear from the eye of sleep
For I now sleep with one eye opened.
I wish I could look at a flower through your eyes
and discover why you are so fascinated by it.
I wonder why your eyes glisten
when you look at the stars,
and why you smile at the moon.
I wish I could find out what triggers you
to jump and skip, or giggle with glee
and I strain my ears to hear the silent melody
which causes you to break out in song.
I wish I could embrace someone so firmly
as you do when you jump up to greet me.
I wish I were like you when I was a child.
tiny lass who graced this world
joyfully brightening her grandmother’s life
less than 12 short years
smile so angelic, it could crown a Christmas tree
never seeking sympathy
Joycie’s zest for life drew admiration
leaving her gracious memory
in her family’s hearts
much we can learn from Joycie
who never succumbed to self-pity
each day, a celebration of life
albeit far too brief
her smile still shines in heaven
glowing beacon in the night sky
her grandmother finds comfort
seeing Joycie’s face -- a glowing star
Dedicated to Joyce Johnson and based on her poem “Joycie”
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Just like you!
I just found out that you visited here
while I was away at work -
and that you left a few minutes before my arrival!
Ah! Your sweet presence
would have been such a balm
for my tired and aching body -
having traveled by bus, and train, another bus,
and then dragged for a thousand metres
through blustering winds.
And now I must find consolation
in the traces of your absent presence -
the imprints of your feet on the bathroom tiles,
and the faint lingering echoes of your laughter,
and the fading silhouette where you sat watching cartoons.
Although you live in my heart, I still miss you, sweet child!
She feeds on his lies and games
She stays with him even though he calls her nasty names
I wish he would go away and never come back
The mother daughter relationship is beginning to crack
because of this boyfriend of hers she has changed her whole attitude towards me
Anything i say is wrong and his word is taken like the golden rule he has really turned
her into a fool. She says he loves her, so not true I know his kind, they will beat you
black and blue if don't do what they say or do what they want, they use their fists
without a second thought.
Your first smile
wiped away the dust and mold
from the canvas of my soul
and your first laughter
splashed its bright colours
over dark and somber tones
and then you framed it
with a rainbow
created by the refracted light
of your transparent being.
this is your day…
again, I’m so sad and lonely
knowing that your brother is going back ;((
your representative is so far.. I can’t give him a hug
I hope, you’re watching us today
our forever loving angel,
I know you’re always with us to watch and pray
please, ask God to guide him on his way
we’re all together in spirit of remembering you
distance is not a hindrance at all
for us to be reunited and remember you
we lovingly pray for your soul
those golden years when we were with you
forever we’ll cherished…the most precious memoirs
March 29, 2014
As a child I wanted to be a pilot and writer I wasn’t interested in much else.
I became a Marine at 17 a husband at 20, a father at 23 a grandfather at 50
I am a happy middle age fat man with the same wife of 41 years and she
is still all I will ever need. I am blessed. Much more than I deserve
A more than wonderful wife, 2 fantastic daughters and 3 sweet grandchildren.
A son in law that loves my daughter and their children
Oh yea, and a crazy dog.
I can hear our granddaughter asking daddy over the phone
if they can go somewhere after work when he gets home
while her brother and his dog play happily out back
Grandma and aunty entertain the youngest of the pack
and now mommy puts them all in the tub
splashing is followed by laughter and more splashing
and laughter and splashing until all have had a scrub
Just in time for daddy
And that is exactly why I bought this house
I'll finally count those toes,
those fingers, hear you
call out to us for reassurance
that the world can be safe
and also warm, your present
place too confined,
too dark for your dreams
too small for growing limbs
too small for dawning dreams.
I know you already and will say
“Hello sweet song
I am your grandmaw; I’ve always loved you.”
©Kathryn McL. Collins
October 7, 2004
written on the day before my granddaughter Grace was born.
A pinch of salt, a dab of pepper, a spinkle of Mrs.Dash
Lets mix it all together
Gifted hands starting at the age five
Helping grandma in the kitchen all the time
Choosing to say in the house to learn all the ingredients
Instead of going outside to play hide and seek
Grandma always told me my hands are special,
You wait, watch and see what I tell you
Gifted hands is for certain people only
The miracles that you will be able to do
Don't forget what grandma told you
6 bars of 10oz cracker barrel cheese, eggs, carnation milk,
seasonings, salt & pepper
When you put it all together, this makes macaroni & cheese
One of the gifted hand's favorite dishes
It will melt in your mouth like a piece of candy
Grandma always told me my hands were gifted
Now I cater for a variety of people
Gifted hands is one of my best qualities.
Contest-With these hands
Her chapped palms smell of
roughened by shrewd plays of world.
And in the creases of
- youthful forehead-
sleeps an orphaned childhood, old.
Among distasteful leering,
ineffectual rags of
unfortunate beauty trapped among
pawn broker and hawker alike.
-Nobody’s Child -
gazes high UP , at the
elegant unreachable stairs
winding beyond clouds yonder.
S L O W L Y sighing,
At the dreams hidden, on the dark side of
half bitten moon.
Every Child Has a Dream…
They want to be a “grown up”…
They want to get married like mommy and daddy did…
Become a “mommy” or “daddy” as a young child would say…
Become a doctor, firefighter, or ballerina…
They want to be like mommy and daddy…
They want to marry their mommies or daddies…
Become the president…
Become older, (like their big sister or brother)…
They want to live and see the world!
Every Child Wants to Be Loved…
Not every child does…
Not every child has a mommy and daddy…
Every child wants love…
Every child deserves love…
Not every child gets love…
Not every child gets a chance to live the life they want…
Every child knows what love is….
Every child has someone out there that would love them…
Not every child knows there is someone that would give them the love they deserve…
Every child has dream…
Every child wants to be loved…
my hidden diamond
love's sweet jewel
Beauty so pure
your character delights
my devotion forever
Heartbeat on screen
My unbelief ceased
first squeezed my finger
I see the pain in your eyes and feel like you do
Wish I could blow or kiss it away
Love knows no boundaries - but can blow all frames
Nothing in the world can compare with the mother's love
Love, protect, comfort, warmth, hug and kiss
Is your child's heart broken or dejected
When sorrow strikes - and the heart feels pain
Life seems like an old hag - who is out to ruin a good day
Mother will look for comfort in words that speak of your sorrow
Both mother and the child need to gather the strength to endure such pain
Love has a sweet taste - almost like the taste of dark chocolate
You taste one ... two ... three .... still you will be tempted to take another bite
Accept the comforting and share your grief
Remember ... grief is just a passing phase
You need to gather the strength to endure the pain
Children grow out of our lap - but never out of our hearts
Sponsor:F. J. Thomas
Contest Name: TO HEAL A HEART
Mother's are most special
Their Tender Touch
And Loving Care
Is more than a Father
Could even Bare
Their Magical Boo-Boo Kisses
And Bright Sunshine Smiles
Takes every bit of Heartbreak away
Even across the Miles
You are here!
And my heart rejoices -
For when you're near
Sweeter are all nature's voices.
Morning's glow seems brighter
While evening's shade has a softer hue.
Even life's burdens appear to be lighter
All because, sweet child, of you...
It hides in the shade, as the leaves dwindle down.
The paint may be fading, but the seat is quite sound.
Some will sit in the shade, forgetting the tears,
without giving much notice, or to think of the years,
or to ponder the pain, that once rained on our world.
There was a black, tragic day, that cruelly erased
an innocent child, with a sweet, gentle face.
Traces of heartache still linger in place.
I rest for awhile, as I sit in the shade,
while a breath-holding sigh returns once again,
Clouds cover the sunlight, that wants to pour in.
Something swept through the heart, of this small coastal town,
and still touches me deeply, in a personal way.
I watch from the playground, of this small charter school,
where my granddaughter plays in the cool, ocean dew.
I remember again, with a soft whispered prayer,
for the children who play here, perhaps some who will weep here.
To keep them in comfort, and in safe loving arms.
To keep every childhood from evil and harm.
Carved in the bench is a name of a child
A twelve year old girl, who attended this school.
It's the same little school, where my granddaughter plays
and learns daily lessons, every child needs to know.
So we sit in shade, on this sage colored bench,
then she goes to her class, where she basks in the love.
She has asked all the questions that shouldn't be asked
and spends all her days at the task of a child...
With smiles for her teachers, just as Polly had smiled
She runs through green grass, where Polly had been...
This is the school, where my granddaughter goes
She brought me to see, where a new garden grows,
and showed me a bench that sits under trees
....and together we share, of what a child shouldn't know
I sit with her now, with the robins and finches...
We trace Polly's name, then our fingers embrace,
in the shade of the trees...
....on a sage colored bench
A true story....
To see Polly's Story... http://www.pollyklaas.org/about/pollys-story.html
Was earlier submitted in the Contest: "Anything Goes"
But a story I felt I needed to tell........sad, but true...my granddaughter
attended the same school where Polly had earlier been a student.
A bench was dedicated in the name of Polly Klaas in remembrance of that terrible event
3/23/13 For Nette's contest "Take Two", by Carrie Richards
MY FATHERS HANDS
He the man known as father, worked a common man's labor,
Never did this soul complain, even as his last breath inhaled,
Daddy's little girl was I, the apple of eye, one might say,
The sparkles pride that lit up his spirit and made the pain
Of hardship melt away.
Calloused, and blistered, he earned every marks blemish,
Strength's scares were worn in my fathers hands.
Deeply engraved within the living embodiment,
Of truth and honor's pride, I'll carry him within me
For the rest of my life.
This mountain of a man I called dad, placed these
Tiny feet upon the right path, and even when I did
Stray he stepped in and led this wayward women
In heaven's grace he'll be watching over me,
Always and someday no doubt, we embrace once
More, and those loving hands will lovely hold this
Child now grow, and I'll know again his eternal warmth.
In blessing's grace, may the angels watch over thee,
Until we meet again, on the distant shores of Nirvana.
BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN
CONTEST WITH THESE HANDS
When I looked at you last week trying on your new boots
Those almond eyes sparkling at something new, a gift
I saw my little pink girl, a princess, playing dress up again
Your long hair draped your high cheekbones
Life still a game, tinged with drama and theatre
As you look for fun in all your pursuits!
A player in life with a passion for cooking and music
You have become a kind, loyal, vivacious young woman
Self assured, grounded with a love of tradition
I looked at you and felt an overwhelming pride.
Sunday’s child is ' bonny, blithe, good and gay' they say
Befitting my Sabbath girl, a model child of few demands
Your bedroom a vast sea of Barbie and friends
A Passion for story-time and books
Your Dutch life with Irish sea-touched roots,
You are a real continental
A great scholar with degrees in Law and Psychoanalysis
You have found your true love with Luis, a Spaniard
As you both prepare to leave the Emerald Isle
I wonder at the achievement of you!
I watched her
dropping the phone,
in nano movements
My heart stomped
out, the harshness
of a dial tone
And from endless
holes, these little eyes
scrunched with sadness
I suppose, I didn't know
what it meant to die
or why the tears
stuck to me
Sickle celled with
around the lobes
of my being
Where I could
still hear you laugh,
the breaths of air
-- and comforted me.
To you whom gave me life,
Rocked and sang, sweet melodies lullabies
By night, and cradled me safe and warm,
Within a mother's loving, and tender embrace.
Taught an awkward child, to take her
First steps, and held me upwards so as not
Devotion's nightmare protector, who always
Made sure the closet door remained closed, and
The bathroom night light was left on, so the
Monsters under the bed could never get me.
Champion of the chocolate chip cookie, never did
You once forget the bare necessities of life,
Such as having icy cold milk in the refrigerator.
Movie queen diva, whom popped the perfect
Kernels of popcorn, and added just the right
Amount of butter, for everyone's picky tastes,
On our annual family nights.
From diapers to tattered blue jeans,
Barbie dolls, and trying on your over sized high
Heels, you never ceased to amaze me.
On every level mother dearest, you
Were always the ultimate super hero to me.
Through hardships heartache, and loves first flirtations,
But no shoulder's comfort, soothed me more
Than she, whom guided this awkward teenager,
Through these hard times of youthful regrets.
A grown woman am I now, raising children of
My own, realizing all the sacrifices you've made,
All in the name of a mother's love.
No ages wrinkles, can take away your true
Beauty, held as a frozen photograph
Within the inner heart of my soul.
She's the dear sweet image of what
I want my children to remember me by.
It's the highest form of flattery,
To emulate, a someone special,
Such as yourself, a woman called mother.
BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN
In Australian vernacular
he was a ‘flea-bitten’ grey.
Not dappled like a dream horse
but speckled like a rock and not a
fine large horse like Tom Cable’s
Dad, had traded for him- two rolls of barbed wire
and a fence strainer. He came with a used saddle
and bridle and the high spirits of
the seldom ridden.
Before he would let us mount him, Dad
knew he had to take the 'curry' out of him.
Rode him hard, through a ploughed paddock.
Rode him until he stood in a foaming sweat
ears sideways, subdued.
I can’t forget being led, those first few rides
“Don’t let go of his head, Dad” I’m not ready
yet,” and I knew the horse sensed the trembling
in my being, until one day his bone- jarring trot
became a solved puzzle.
I felt a gathering- a sense of balance between the
pony’s mouth, the stirrups and the reins
and from a secret fulcrum
I was posting, “Let him go now, Dad”
I shouted, and my heart and soul were
floated to some rhythmic magic.
Around the homestead once and back
I pulled the reins, “Whoa boy!”
That first halt, obeyed, filled my head
for days and days.
I stepped into a world of pinks, reds, yellow, and purple.
Bee’s, butterflies, and hummingbirds flying free!
Long flowing stems swaying, in a soft summer breeze.
An aroma, fresh cut hay, teasing my nose!
Smiling, I recall that day… not so long ago.
Closing my eyes, I inhale a welcomed scent.
Looking up with dark green eyes -
I feel my Grandmothers smile warm my face.
Calloused finger grasping my small hand.
Pointing, she drew my eye to a small delicate thing.
Pink wings and tiny feelers, swaying in the wind!
She bent slowly, whispering, in my eager ear,
“It’s a Whirling Butterfly”
She said, with a giggle and a sigh.
Time passes quickly, like rushing waters of a fall.
In my garden now, pinks, reds, purple and yellows.
Bee’s, butterflies, and hummingbirds fly free.
Delicate stems, dancing, to music, of an evening breeze.
Movements, drawing me, to a special place.
Pointing, I show my Granddaughter the prize!
Excited, she looks at me with her big blue eyes.
I smile, tenderly at the soft red curls
sofly lying around her sweet little face.
Tears swell, in a dusty throat,
as she grasps my calloused finger.
She spies the pink wings, the yellow feelers,
swaying in the wind.
Whispering, “ It’s a Whirling Butterfly ”
I almost cry! With a giggle, and a sigh.
Behold The Moment
Behold the moment,the future is here.
Our family is getting bigger every year.
The new child has arrived ,
already loved by all.
Hold this special baby close to you,to
rock away the fears and kiss away
Take in every moment ,to share in the joy.
Let me shout from the hill tops so
everyone knows, our new child has all ten toes.
As the years go by and each one grows,
There is a new experince to be had by all.
A play ,a big game or off to college they'll go.
As we let go and they are on their own.
Never fret they'll soon be home.
Down the road ,each child will enlarge the
family with families of their own.
Treasured Baby Series.
For Great Granddaughter Tesla.
Wondering if it’s an omen, finding the box in the attic today?
A treasure trove of memories into our lives
This piece of paper upon which I started to write a poem
I remember at the time I could write no more as I grieved
Missing you as each day goes by and wishing you were here
I know you are in the ever loving arms of our Lord
The Lord sent you down as an angel on loan to us
You were called home dear and we were not ready
I know we will one day be together again
Waiting for the day we will be called home also
Now the poem I started to write to you is finished
Our time together will come again my daughter and
Written by: Carol Brown
For The "Treasure Trove" contest of Linda-Marie
1st Place Winner
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
Can you look me in the eye?
Tell me, am I no longer beautiful?
Daddy, can you tell me why?
Why did those men hurt me?
Can you no longer look at me,
Without seeing the scars?
Daddy, can you tell me why?
Why are you behind bars?
Can you no longer love me?
Am I a broken toy to you?
Daddy, can you tell me why?
Why did it break you too?
Can you no longer hug me?
Are you afraid I'll be afraid?
Daddy, can you tell me why?
Why won't it heal with a band-aid?
Can you look me in the eye?
And not see those men but me?
Daddy, can you tell me why?
Why are you not here?
Can you believe my words?
You didn't fail as a father.
Daddy, let me tell you why.
Because I am your daughter.
We both survived.
I wrapped all my tears, to see you smile.
you are the best, always by my side.
I tell you my feelings will get you crying,
you must think I’m out of my mind.
You don’t know, what I know,
all the angels let me go.
We were born to teethe and die,
you will grow to be so fine.
Fall in love, feel your softer side,
Remember me when life is kind.
When you go, let me know,
don’t walk away like the world and go.
Life is rough and the world unkind,
fight them down and you will be fine.
The truth of live is a brutal sight,
make no mistakes, you can learn from mine.
You have a strong heart, you are unique
I treasure times when you smile at me.
Live the life, I could not find,
be there for me, when I say goodbye.
Let another sun set,
Let another flower wilt,
Let another autumn cast its gloom,
Let another tear role,
As ye part, and bid
The final adieu.
St. Stephen’s college
Halls grow dark
Walks within new
Like shards pang
Hold her so
Yet so far
This new life
i sit immersed
in my thoughts
the moon rises
across the sky
the stars glisten
then tuck themselves in
hands that tucked me in
that seemed to shield
my childhood fears
i was afraid of the dark
and death alike
but sought comfort
in your arms
no longer afraid
of dark or death
as i became to realize
both are real
and there is
i feel the wind
brush against me
as the sky
lets out a tear
and it mingles
with my own
upon my cheek
i look towards the sky
see your hands
as they blow kisses
and i find comfort
one more time
Holding on to my Nan’s hand, we walked around the lake
The snow was deep all around and there were kids tying on skates
My Nan squeezed my hand and we set off to the little wooden café
Smoke was spiraling out of the stove pipe stack and to my surprise we went in
There was no money but my Nan told me she was buying me a treat
“You always miss out on the treats when everyone is around
Treats to them are sweets and you don’t like them and I understand that.”
The treat she had for me alone was a cup of hot milky Horlicks and a scone
A scone with no jam, and an unsugared drink. We watched the kids play
We sat watching the snow fall and she told me that ten American airmen had died there
Just where the children were playing, she had seen the crash happen
When life got her down a bit she would walk to the lake and buy a cup of tea
She had watched the oak trees that were planted as a memorial to the men grow
She knew that those men would have given anything to be where she was now
Short of money but with her granddaughter enjoying time together.
She smiled and squeezed my hand across the table.
My Nan taught me such a lot.
Entry For ‘Fond Memories’ Contest sponsored By C Cornish
Dear Lil sister. .
Hey pretty girl how you doing these days. How's life treating ya, hope it
hasn't been to cray. I noticed you were down, well how bout u talk to me. I
just wanna uplift ya, see you become who you were born to be. I know your
life has been crazy, Lord knows it to. But all those trials and tribulations
they won't break you. I know you hate that man from your past for touching
you the wrong way, you never told no one n it bothers you to dis day. It
created a dark cloud that covered your heart, now you have trust issues
can't tell the enemies apart. Night after night you pray to God for a fresh
start. Low self esteem, but baby your a work of art. Yeah i know you was
sad growing up without a father. As the years go by life seems to get harder.
I know you wanted that affection, the love you deserve as a daughter. Moma
tried her best but some things sh couldn't have taught ya. I know you wish he
told you, how beautiful you are over n over again. How all of your power
cums from deep within. Those weren't the cards you were dealt so you seek
refuge in other men. Trying to fill that void that has always been missing.
Now your in a situation and too scared to leave cause you think to yourself
nobody will ever love me for me. Countiuosly talking to yourself, and crying
secretly. But baby girl that's a lie I say differently. Your a daughter of a king,
so that makes you a princess. Your father hates to see you cry, that's why he
wants to give you his best. You are heirs of royalty don't u ever forget it. You
ARE victorious let me hear you admit it. Please baby girl don't be another
statistic this world wants to see down, so handle your business. Never follow
the crowd honey be independent. Cause when those checks come in, they'll
have a lot of digits. Always remember to remind yourself how beautiful you
are.I don’t care if your tall, short, white, black or covered in scars. Being
beautiful starts from the heart, so love yourself first. And always know that
the best comes after the worst. Hang in there hun, I know life's a twister. But
you can always count on me. Sincerely your big sister.
I woke up one morning and my little girl was sliding on lip-gloss.
I woke up one morning and my little girl had hips and breasts.
I woke up one morning and my little girl was beautiful.
I woke up one morning to a boy on my front porch.
I woke up one morning to my little girl crying into her pillow.
I woke up one morning to my little girl’s broken heart.
I woke up one morning to my little girl’s battered face.
I woke up one morning in a prison cell.
I woke up every morning with a need to protect my daughter, my little girl.
One morning I awoke to find
in soft garden shadows
mythical, unicorn, hoof prints
How I imagined its perfect form;
a magical horse with a spiraled horn
stepping through a pink mist
into my garden at dawn
I decide I will hide
where the first light
slants through the trees
my heart all aflutter,
waiting to see this miracle.
A rustle of leaves-
I hold my breath -
ready to face
Oh! Disbelief! What do I see?
But two horse shoes attached to sticks
and father planting mythical hoof prints
Quiet as a fae I steal away
and later with wonder, I softly say
"A unicorn has strayed, Pa Pa-
into our garden today."
The Old Salt was a special man who came along in a time
when he was needed most.
A time that is now gone forever.
When men believed and sacrificed, when hero’s walked the earth in mass.
When patriotism was not just a word
by what men lived and judged the worth of each,
a man who lived a life most of us cannot comprehend.
An era now gone as this warriors tour of duty ends at this station,
and begins anew in the heavenly fleet.
Sail on Sailor into your unaccompanied tour,
we salute you.
What greater honor, that when a man moves forward,
he leaves behind in each of us the best of what he was.
A defender, protector, supporter, victor, a warrior,
the last of the breed from an era when ships were made of wood
and men were made of steel.
The Old Salt has reported for duty that takes him away from us for now.
Those of us who remain behind,
remember, and will continue to remember,
because he now resides forever in our hearts.
As I look up at night, I envision The Old Salt,
a beret draped just above the eye,
as he draws upon his pipe,
quietly he waits.
The guardian of heaven’s gate.
By Fatmir Terziu
Under the ray of light, a precious crystal
Came out of mother’s heart that night.
It rolled out of fear,
It appeared out of joy.
My mother’s tear!
Still as if shocked
It rolls for unknown motives,
My mother’s tear,
…that diluted tear!
I saw my mother when she stilled a tear,
It dripped in that dark year…
My mother’s tear!
A tear still glassy in my heart…
A tear with the weight of the world
A tear which calms the others
A tear which holds the rays of the light.
A mother’s tear!
A tear that washed the office suits
A tear that wetted the rags of time
A tear that spilled to wash the unwashed
A tear which stood up to the enemies
The tear of the mothers!
A drip of a mother’s tear
Brought by God to be spilled over
As many times as it is necessary.
The tear of mothers!
Their only weakness
A tear for humankind.
If I Could Have Gotten Your Embryo
Before You Were Born
I Would Have Sheltered You Safely
and Protected Your Form ...
I'd Have Put You In My Womb
& Flowed You Knowledge Like In A Tubric
& Patted My Expanding Belly
As I Played You Music
And As You Got Ready
To Arrive From The Birth Canal
You Would've Known My Breasts
Would Be Ringing Like Welcome Bells! ...
Eager To Suckle You
Breast Feed My Own Flesh & Nourish
So You Could Grow Strong
... In Love's Encourage
I Would've Held You In Wonder
& So Close Tenderly
Amazed At This Little Bundle,
Breathing, Piece of Me ...
And When You Turned One
Or As You Sucked Your Thumb
Or Eating Baby Food Jars of Plums
... I'd Have Given You Trumpets & Drums
... And Building Alphabet Blocks
& Superman Capes
& Stuffed Teddy Bears
& Oatmeal Cookies & Grapes
I'd Have Read You Stories
From Capt. Adventure Books
You'd Have Known You Were Loved
By My Proud Mama Looks
I'd Have Spent Time With You
Showing You How To Tie Your Shoe
Rocked You If You Caught The Flu
or Any Sniffles You Went Through ...
I Would Have Played With You
& Prayed With You
From Crawling To Walking
Paved The Way For You
Yeah, I Would Have Fussed At You
& When Needed Even Spanked You Too
& I'd Meant: This Hurts Me More Than You
'Cause You're The Little Symbiot, Mama Grew
So, You Would Have Known
You Were Loved & Treasured
You Would Have Known
Your Worth Couldn't Be Measured
Nor Compared To Anyone Else
At Any Point In Time
'Cause You Are The Best
Because You Were "Mine"
* * * * * * *
But I Never Knew You
But Believe Me If I Had ...
I'd A Made Sure You Had
A Loving Mom & Dad
And You Would've Never Been Abused
Or Treated Bad ...
But From Now On Find Your Joy
To Replace What's Sad
Written & Copyrighted ©: 9/12/2013
by: MoonBee Canady
Dear Mother of all
Sweetest mother of all Time
Queen of the world of women
You never aborted me
You raise me with your hard earn
You teach me the way of the righteous
You Bless me with the blessing of your mouth
Who will I praise if not you
Who will I believe if not you
Who will I trust if not you
You that carry me for nine months
You put me to bed on the 17th Day of the Sixth Month of the Glorious Year
You breast feed me till I am fit for the race
You put together your earning for my first birthday
You work under the sun and the rain just for me to be among equals
I understand it is not easy in this part of the world
Yet you gave me a reason to live
And even though I heard I use to be stubborn when I a little kid
Yet your love for me never ceased
Memories fade me not of my past failure
You hold me close to you and whisper to my ear saying
"Foluso The sun still shine, you can still make it"
No wonder I am reaching my goals now because your Sweet words still live in me
Words are not enough to express how I feel
But I have to tell you this Sweet mother
Ain’t a woman alive that can take my mama’s place
A Survivor's Prayer
for my daughter Yelena
and all burn survivors
Fire... Burn... Shock... Pain...
I want to live! I don't want to die!
O, who can help me?
I suffered from pain, distress and serious injuries,
went through a lot of tears and too many surgeries.
O, my God, I am happy that I found You.
My surgeon who grafted the skin,
saved my life with his skills.
O, my God, I know that You sent him.
I had rehabilitation for years;
my body was red with scars.
O, my God, You help me fight for my life.
I changed, I'm different, I'm brave, I'm powerful.
You treated not just my body, You treated my soul.
O, my God, You gave me a second chance at life.
I am a not victim, I am a Survivor;
now I can help people with Your power.
O, my God, Thank You. I feel Your love and care.
I am blessed. I love You and I will live for You.
The farmers sleep with
Third eyes open.
Ever watchful over their teenage daughters.
How the boys must beseech them desperately.
Uncomfortable, muggy fondlings
In the bed of a red rusted pickup
Parked by the creek dubbed Lovers Point.
At the breakfast table in the morning,
They glow with proximity
And their tired eyes hover dreamily
From the orange cranberry muffins
To the freshly squeezed orange juice
Filled at the half way mark of a mason jar.
When you ask why they don't eat
They simply smile
And say nothing.
Your curiosity will linger on your teeth
But still you will say nothing.
Bitter memories of your past regrets
To teach lessons of discretion
Are better left unsaid.
You will not douse them in the overwhelming
Blanket of your security
And the palms of your hands that
Once smiled in the womb like presence
Of handling your new born daughter
And naming her Jane or Virginia
Is suddenly missing the hold of her hand.
But you share a few natural harmonies
Like the silent agreement of pecking his cheek
Twice before bedtime
Or the precarious way you both sit at
The wobbling three legged milking stool
When your pulling on Betsy on Thursday
And she's tugging at Betty on Wednesday
As you shave the gray stubble of your throat.
But for now in the strangely comfortable
Peace of staring at the spots of jam
On the white and yellow checkered table cloth
You'll abruptly slide your chair back
And lean closely to her ear as you slightly whisper
Slightly inaudible notations.
Spread your wings, dear child, and fly
to where the green sea meets blue sky;
run on the crests of gentle waves
and grab the sunlight as it raves
about the brightness of the day;
float with the sea gulls as they sway
upon the friendly winds, and dive
with playful dolphins as they jive
in the cool waters of the bay.
when I hear your voice,
I have this feeling,
that I'm safe and sound,
that no one will be able to touch me.
When I feel your presence,
I know that you will never forget me,
never leave me.
But if there really is a day,
that we have to separate paths,
I wish you the best of luck,
but I have this feeling that
you will never truly leave me.
when I feel your shadow,
I will feel like a child again,
feel young and small,
like a shadow of you,
just when I feel your shadow.
So I hope you will understand,
that I love you,
but I am not a child anymore,
I have grown up.
So when I spread my wings,
I hope you will forgive me,
for not saying good-bye,
for there is no good-bye to say,
because you have etched yourself into me.
sometimes i talk to myself,
my mind is racing,
i dont know what to do...
so hard to explain.
depression isn't a stage
or a faze some kids go through
it shatters you...
i saw it all.
she cried silent in her bed,
blood stains covered her favorite jeans,
her every shirt,
long sleeve ofcourse...
she suffered through it all with few people to call friend
and more to call enemy
even more to say where quite dissappointed....
her first name in school,
not started by a bully
or a mean rival,
but by her sister,
and it echoed through her soul,
repeating in her mind... over and over again,
like the ripples of still water
when a pebble is dropped
flash frozen in time
over and over again...
It was the first name they gave her,
millions where created over the years,
some repeating again, just as the first had..
gothic they called her,
emo, fat, ugly....worse things.
but in her mind, things where worse.
everything was repeating,
over and over again,
finally she believed it.
she asked for help, from everyone
tried to explain to parents she wasnt well,
got called a psycho for asking to see a theripist,
not from a teacher,
not from a class mate,
but from her own father, who wouldn't, couldn't,
believe there could possibly be a thing wrong....
finally, crying, she confessed her bloody secret to a teacher.
rather then giving her time,
she is sent back to class crying her eyes out, as if she wherent going through enough...
she is sent to the principals office a few minutes later, after breaking down in class...
the princlipal says she needs help,
sends her and her dad for a risk evaluation,
her dads crying as she shows him her cuts...
they walk into a hospital room,
it smells of chemicals and hand sanitizer,
the lady at the desk gives her a smile.
then she goes into a room with a lady,
her cheeks are sunken in and shes wearing way too much makeup,
the girl is gaging on her perfume,
and she looks really intimidating....
her dark brown hair looks dead and flat
even though its a bit wavy,
and she wears somewhat of a mocking frown.
asks her all these questions,
is mommy beating her?
is daddy raping her?
is she doing drugs?
is anyone beating her?
did anyone molest her?
oxcarbezapine, trazadone, citalipran, clinazapam, colonipan,
valium, lithium, more.......
and thats what they gave her,
some numbed the pain
some brought it out
tearing through her organs,
she became an addict by the time she was fourteen....
over dose after over dose
some for pleasure
some for pain,
gashes on her legs getting deeper,
this time she didnt tell a soul,
not even those she had come to call friends....
wakeup she screamed in her head over and over again
as she dropped weight like it was nothing....
you cant controll it she argued as things became worse.
at age fourteen she attempted suicide,
she didnt quite succeed.
the medication took away her aappitite....
she liked it
she hated her body
felt out of controll
found a new way to cope
as she shoved tooth brush after toothbrush down her throat
to keep her body from nuitrients...
as she whent weeks and weeks spitting food into napkins and making excuses
I ate at my friends house....
spoken as a whisper
heard like a sentance
echoing in her mind over and over again,
along with that word, all the words,
ugy, anoying, stupid, fake, worthless, nothing...
one bite she would say
rocking back and forth
craving nothing but food
her body racked with hunger pain
one bite and there she was again
over and over and over again
back to a toothbrush
this time she sees blood
she saw her ribs
she saw her bones,
it wasnt good enough,
she almost died, again....
choking on this deep dissappointment in herself,
gaging on everything they where pushing down her throat,
their words, and their insults, their criticism.... their drugs
all shoved down her throat like candy
and just as she was was trained to do she swallowed despite the bad taste
or the hurt
or the fact that at the rate she was going she would be dead soon...
and you know why?
because daddy yelled
and couldnt accept what was happening
not because he wanted to hurt her
but because it hurt him,
and she let him believe,
because she could take the hurt if it meant he didnt have too.
because mommy didnt want to sit in her room all day
practically having us raise ourselves,
she didnt mean to take anger, or frustration or hurt out on her daughter
she suffered everyday in her solitary confinement,
and from a young age she accepted her bedroom was the cage
her mother had created for herself.
because sister didnt want to effect her the way she did
she was just frustrated
fed up with the way things where
scared, she needed someone to take her cruelty
and to help heal her pain...
because people in school
who where so cruel
had to have learned from somewhere
and she wasnt going to play into their games,
and they knew she was an easy target
because she would never attack someone so weak
and she accepted her suffering was a sacrafice
to help all these people....
to help her dad,
every person who was beaten abused or hurt
and felt so weak at home they wanted to feel strong in the one safe place they had.
because depite the fact she had died inside,
and almost passed away on the out,
it was a saccrafice she was willing to make
so that no one else would have to feel that kind of pain,
and they all inflicted it and broke her down'untill there was nothing left but a shell
of somthing that could have been
and never had the chance
because she would take it and wouldnt strike back,
because sometimes "just taking it"
isnt so much about the weakness not to do anything
but about the strangth not to hurt others the way they hurt you...
You are the wise one of the family. You are the
giver and doer, and true believer. You shape us,
as we grow. You are there for the good and bad, and
all the in betweens. You play parts, that you already
played with your children, before us. If it wasn't for
you, the world would not be as sweet. If it wasn't for
you, we wouldn't know what family values mean. After
all, you did instill that within your children, who
in turn, instilled it into us. All the meals would be
microwavable or served cold, because there would have
been no recipes to pass along to the next generation.
Besides, you know Grandmas cooking, is always the
best. You are the prayer when things need a little help.
All in all Grandma, the world would be a cold, unfeeling
place without you. So thank you for all the things you
do, which are too numerous to list. I love you Grandma.
I love my parents,
They are always with me,
In every problem,
And i will always love them.
Every little girl needs her daddy
to love her with gentlemanly charm.
To hold her tightly when she is afraid and keep her safe from harm.
Daddy have you ever wondered whose holding us now.
From pigtails and bubblegum,
to lipstick and high heels;
Daddy whose going to be their to hold our hand.
To help us mend our broken heart,
teach us that true love is real.
Daddy you never stop to wonder the day
you walked out on mom was the day you abandon us too.
Now as we grow older whose going to teach us to dance in the living room,
Whose going to see us twirl.
Whose going to bid us goodnight
And tell us everything is going to be alright.
Daddy your actions were selfish your desires divide our home
Now daddy you no longer belong to us alone.
You forgot along the way that there is no love that equals that of daddy's Little Girls.
Daddy you once said you prayed
But along the way I think you forgot to ask God
To guard your heart and protect your family from your selfish wayward ways.
The day you married mom
The day you created us
You forgot you made a promise
To stand with us for better for worse
You promise to love us and watch us grow
Dad you failed us
You replaced us for ashes and clay
We were meant to be daddy's little girl's.
I miss her so
And yet, I connect with her
Every time I touch a flower...
When I read the classics
Engrossed in the pages of Lorna Doone...
When I breathe in the pine scented air
Of the hills of Lebanon,
The land that she loved...
When I sing the alto part of the hymns she adored
Trying to fit my voice to her glorious one....
Teaching me how to follow the notes
“It is Well with my Soul.”
When tears spill out of my eyes
In sympathy for another....
Her sensitive soul pouring out from my eyes
When I tease my students and hug them tight
Trying to make them fall in love with words...
The well loved teacher
When I write my little rhymes...
Still believing I'll be famous one day
When I drop something and it shatters...
Worrying that the same disease
Will touch her only daughter
And turn her life to hell
When I look at my black hair
Beginning to show the white
Thick and luxuriant...
With a knowing smile
Happy she’s passed on her
Her crowning glory to me
Between the lines of the poems I write...
Her romantic heart beating loudly
She’s in me
How I wish you knew her
Before she was ravaged by disease
Before her spirit was crushed
And her smile became lopsided
And yet she didn't stop smiling
Or reaching out to touch a loved one
But I had to hear her pray for death
The confines of the wheelchair too much
Unable to care for herself
Having to have my father bathe, change, and feed her
Too much for the free spirit that she was
The one who had climbed trees while pregnant
And smiled at the sun
I tried to heal her
I prayed and I begged
Testing my faith
"In the name of Jesus...."
No healing came
No cure for MS
And I hid my tears, crushed
That this vibrant ray of sunlight
The one they called Sunshine
Wanted to leave my world in
I had to let her go
And it was only when I changed my prayer
And asked for His will to be done
That she fell asleep
And got the release she
I miss my MAMA
I’m crying tears she cannot see
For she is sleeping
Waiting for the wake up call
Of Jesus whom she adored
My heart bleeds for my MAMA
Life is unkind
To take her from me
But I’m my Mama’s girl
An extension of her heart and mind and soul
A helpless hopeless romantic
Who loves the rain
And the wind in my hair
And Little Women
I Thessalonians 4:16 - 18
The litttle girl said with a tear in her eye
Where is the sunshine that was up in the sky?
Mommy said with a beautiful smile
Only God knows my beautiful child.
God has a plan.
I know for sure...
Please don't feel sad he'll send the right cure.
Oh my God, the little girl giggled out loud
As a cooling breeze blew away the clouds.
There in its place a rainbow so bright
A truly beautiful heart warming sight.....
A promise God made a long time ago
Decorated the sky with an awesome glow..
Mommy she said,God is painting the sky
The little girl pointed to the rainbow so high....
The rainbow just tells us 'We know whose in charge"
She takes mommies hand and looks up at the sky
A rainbow she said
God painted the sky...........
You wake up to your mother’s loving voice.
She has a gift for you that she knows you’ll love.
You close your eyes and hold out your tiny hands.
You feel something soft, but cold to the touch.
At the sight of it you let out a squeal of delight.
A pink ribbon.
You wake up to your piercing alarm.
It’s your high school graduation day.
You notice your mother smiling in the doorway.
She has a gift that she knows you’ll love.
Eyes closed, you feel a familiar sensation around your wrist.
A pink ribbon.
You wake up to the soft sound of weeping.
You find your mother downstairs, heartbroken.
She was clutching two things in her hands.
The first was a letter from the hospital.
You saw the other and knew it could mean death,
A pink ribbon.
You wake up to a methodical beeping.
You’re in a hospital room with your mother.
She runs a hand over you shaven head.
She has a gift for you that she hopes you’ll love.
Eyesight blurred from tears, you know that feeling.
A pink ribbon.
You wake up to your mother’s loving voice.
Someone’s at the door for you.
At the sight of them let out a squeal of delight.
The march has come to you!
Every person has what you love.
A pink ribbon.
Your smiling face, brings me joy
Like that of heavens voice
You make each and everyday better than the one before.
You give my life meaning that no one can deny
You make my life so full
And my soul soar so high.
My little girl so beautiful, so full of life
The sun shines brightly as you wake
Wishing you such happiness and a life devoid of strife.
Go outside and play today
Make believe is always fun
Pretend the trees can carry you away to a land with a candy sun.
Please don’t let this cruel world get you down
Or fill you with its troubles
Keep your heart pure and true and never let them see you frown.
My little girl, so special to me
Make your life as happy as can be
And keep your heart so happy and free.
Life is so precious, so hard to keep.
Daddy died, a baby were discovered.
Secretly growing in my young daughters body.
A mixture of all cultures, all races but my first chance at a legacy.
The clashes in the mixture were brutal.
The blows were deep.
The killing words, the verbal harassments, the evil projected onto white faces.
A beautiful child, chubby cheeks, vibrant smile, loving nature searching to be accepted by those she loved. Asking little with so much to offer.
Oh how I love that child.
I want to protect her.
I want her to be safe.
I want her to know that someone loves her unconditionally.
But it is not about me..
She is now an adult...
I have no right to her business...
I can not save her life.
Whether this love can be transmitted over thousands of miles is the question.
Whether she feels this love...and the love of God that can pull her through.
My beautiful child.
Please find that strength.
Please recognize the beautiful person you are.
I am pale, head to toe
and if dying be a fading,
I begin my descent,
from easy pink to opal.
Pearlescent blood barely
floating now through veins
supplied by a heart not
eager for activity.
About to sleep, I hear my child
call from far away or deep inside.
Color resumes and I am
wearing ruby slippers.
10 Little fingers 10 little toes 2 little eyes everyday they save a life.
Every day she will arise to go to work 9-5 flipping burger's and dunking fry's.
10 Little fingers 10 little toes 2 little eyes everyday they save a life.
Every day hold's a new surprise from those 10 little fingers 10 little toes and 2 little eyes.
one day shell realize 10 Little fingers 10 little toes 2 little eyes are not so little any more.
Those 10 little fingers get bigger and one has a ring on it.
Those 10 little toe's get bigger no longer barefoot a boot on each.
Those 2 little eyes no longer so little looking strait up the middle ready for combat.
10 Little fingers 10 little toes 2 little eyes everyday they save a life.
Her 10 Little finger's 5 little toe's 2 little eye's finally come home.
and like I said 10 Little fingers 10 little toes 2 little eyes saved Their life.
I miss my Mama
She left me too soon
I still see her in dreams
And even then I wonder
"Mama, are you going to leave me again?"
Everything she was
Seems to live inside of me
Her love for words
Her incredible kindness
Towards her students
And everyone who crossed her path
That ready smile
That won her the nickname,
I miss my Mama
It’s one of those days
When I wonder why
She had to suffer and die
A slow living death
Of many years
Blood stains and cuts
And immobility fears and reality
Brought on by that accursed disease:
But Mama had strong faith
She'd sit up in bed and pray
When she could no longer kneel
And I knew...
As I passed by her room
She would be praying for me
And for my brothers
Each in turn
I miss my Mama
Tears fill my eyes
As I remember how I prayed
How I begged
How I tried to work a miracle
"In the name of Jesus.....be healed."
Silence from the heavens
Pain in my heart
Hearing her say,
"Lord, take my life."
And she died knowing
Her prayer was answered
She was set free
From her wheel chair ridden life
And now she sleeps
Yes, she sleeps
The sleep of the just
In the arms of Jesus
He has marked her resting place
And when He comes again
Angels will go wake her up
And she will rise
Perfect and whole
Beautiful and complete
Full of energy and life
Her smile no longer crooked
Her eyes no longer dim
Her voice no longer garbled
She will rise
She will sing praises
In her beautiful alto voice
She will hold me....again
Yes, I hope to be there
by HIS grace
I hope to squeeze her tight
And never let go
As I cry tears of joy
That we’ve both been faithful
And we will rise
To meet the Lord in the air
And heaven will begin for us
He will take us to the place
Of no night
I miss my Mama
But……..not for long!
"Even so, come Lord Jesus!"
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Ecclesiastes 9:10- Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
I Thessalonians 4: 13 - 180 13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
Up in that old attic are an antic Raggedy Ann Doll and a rocking chair well used by my grandmother.
Grand she was and as great as she to be; she instilled value and principality.
Up in that attic is an old Raggedy Ann Doll and an antic rocking chair my great grandmother rock from.
Short in statue but tall in her stance, my great grandmother guidance departed wisdom.
In that attic is all kind of memories of how my great grandmother and I loved each other as family.
Friends bonded and she as a life-long mentor, in that old attic resides expressive art.
In a far corner that was east to the sun stood a portrait of my great grandmother.
Knowledgeable was the face with eyes of hazel brown painted at the age of seventy-five (75).
The reminiscence of youth is a mural seen as I sat down in the rocking chair thinking… (“Mama, let’s read The Bible together.”)
In this old attic is love unknown because of the time I had with my great grandmother before she was beacon home.
~ Letter to Mother ~ If I die before I wake
To my mother I would write
I never understood why you were so cruel ~ or why you had an iron fist rule
Why you beat me till black and blue ~ for something as simple as not tying my shoe
Why you were always enraged ~ why interest in my life you never engaged
Why did I get the worst of the abuse ~ when I was the best behaved and did as
you told me to
Why did you fight to win custody back ~ when maternal instincts you knew you
Your torment instilled in me ~ fear, depression, insecurities, and anxiety
This is the reason my judgment was flawed ~ mother you should be appalled
Even though it was horrific living through this ~ I love you and for your pain to be
healed I always wished
Even though my body will be gone ~ Even though you may morn
My heart is no longer scorn ~ I thank you for being born
My life resulted in the lives of more ~ Lives that I love and adore
This is the greatest gift you have given me ~ I don’t want or ask for more... I'm FREE
Face flush with the cold,
She comes, with the wind laughing at her back
Across our threshold once more,
And in moments it is as though she'd never left.
Every room brightens invisibly with her prescence
As she moves here and there in her easy ways,
Dispelling discontents with artless word and act
As drops of clear oil will still a pond disturbed by wind.
She is fully unconcious of her gifts,
And so they radiate from her with undiminished power.
And now, exhausted from relentless work and scholarship
She lies asprawl on her old bed,
Dear old cat cradled in one arm,
Cooing softly in her sleep like a dove,
Just as she did when small,
An eternal yesterday ago.
And what can I do with that,
Save retire to my own room and glow?
My Darling Girl,
your big dark eyes met mine
against your pale skin and yellow hair
this name sang in my heart, Susan,
my Black-Eyed Susan.
A wild flower you’ll be, you’ll be a
and always you’ll be
my darling girl, my Black-Eyed Susan
When you were born
I became a father
and in my heart I discovered
a new type of love
which made me both tender and strong
and through the years
it has motivated and inspired me
to care as much as I could.
And though my family and world
has expanded, I just want to say this:
There is nothing in this world that can replace
the joy I felt when you first looked at my face.
I'm sorry I'm not here lately,my life is very busy,with many new happenings,
yet I'm still here with you in spirit.I just want to share this great miracle with you.
My daughter Christina was born last Monday,27th of August at 11.30PM,
following a long difficult labour. I was out of hospital on Friday,
and now getting accustomed to my new role as a Mommy.
I would love to thank so much each one of whom kept me and my family in prayer
during these last months .....I shall keep you in my prayers too
What do I give the woman who gave me everything,
but every bit of myself?
What do I say to the woman who gave up so much
so that I could fly when she could not?
What do I do for the woman
whose only happiness is my joy?
Whose only sorrow is my pain?
For the woman attached to me;
of who I am but a part?
What do I have for the woman
whose only meaning in life is my life?
I'm claustrophobic but this love is so intense
I'm afraid that she may feel my feelings
that she may think my thoughts,
that she'll cry my tears,
and I'll be nothing.
Feeding off of each other
we'll spiral together--
I have her crazy in my veins.
Every morning I look for myself in the mirror
but, find her face instead.
How may I describe the enchanting bride?
As my raven haired beautiful child who
has matured into a lovely young woman;
exuding charm and grace and the
sensibilities of a care giver yearning to please,
even the strangers she meets.
Her spirited nature makes her dark eyes sparkle
like the sea she works near; her moods are
mostly calm and reliable as the tides,
except for an occasional storm that may
suddenly appear leaving one drenched
by a cloud burst from a foreboding sky. . .
which quickly moves on with the swiftness
of an ambiguous March wind.
Her poetic personality affords her the ability
to pen her whimsical nature and fascination with
fairies with which she feels a vibrant connection.
Her love for her cat speaks well of a non-verbal
communication they both are content to share. . .
A way in which she also silently communicates
with her beloved husband to be, the handsome groom.
Here is a fine young man with exuberance and
a dashing personality that shines so brightly,
one needs to don sunglasses while in his presence.
His spirit of fun and laughter brings out the best in his
future bride, leaving little doubt they belong together.
He is on a positive path of intended growth he joyfully
embraces, ignoring the poor economy that might be daunting
to a less positive person whose dreams have no limit.
He is a man who appreciates the inner beauty of my
daughter as much as her outer beauty, thus he truly
understands her and her humbleness, they both possess.
A connection of great intellect, tender hearts with a generous
love for humanity would be the best way describe them both.
Both love to hike in nature and explore little known places.
Their ultimate goal would be to share their love with a child.
A happy couple indeed, on the verge of matrimony
in sharing a life filled with adventure and contentment.
May God Bless you both on your journey through life.
Note* My youngest, Michelle, will be married this Oct. 5th
to her sweet fiancé’ Daniel.
For “Epithalamium Contest by Dr. Ram Mehta”
I've been seeing you all these years , you haven't changed at all. Your beauty has been captured in the frame which hangs on the wall. Your presence all these years made our lives easier but I get this feeling that this won't last forever. Suddenly you told us that you were not well. In that one fleeting moment, time did stand still. I saw your face and then noticed what time had done to you, you had aged too fast, you looked fragile, you needed more care. I've realized this now that you need love too. Don't you go away mother, now that I'm taking care of you I will give you everything, what you gave to me I will make life easier for you.... .
To my girls
I want you to know
That I see you
As equals on every level
Not just my daughters
My little pink princesses
I see you as young women
Powers within this world
With oceans to offer
A lifetime still to learn.
Live your lives
As though I was still with you
Be free and fearless
For you can see
Life is so short
Take all opportunities
And shape them to your dreams
You have all the tools
And I will be watching over you
Be good to one another
There are only two of you
The strength between sisters
Is a bond for life.
Your analytic minds
Will help you make good decisions
Fair and just rewards will ensue.
Your radiating hearts
Will gift you many friendships
Maybe special love
All in good time.
You will never be alone
For you have a deep sense of self
This will be fortified
With my passing
Your feet firmly planted
Will serve you well
Balancing the ups and downs
because that's how life is.
Always be true to yourself
Life will be true to you too.
Do not mourn my death
I am not going far away.
My illness has progressed
My time is nigh
There is a greater plan
One we cannot see
But we have had a great life
As mother and daughters
Our journeys together
live on in our memories.
I will hold you safe
In my heart
Now and forever
I will always be with you.
A prayer for my girls ~ If I should die before I wake
To my girls I would write
Mommy will always love you ~ I never placed anyone above you
You are my world and the reason for my life ~ I did my best though I didn’t get
You both gave me the courage and strength to fight ~ Your lives gave me direction
and your love was my light
Even though my body is no longer here ~ don’t you fear ~ my spirit is always near
Each night you get on your knees to pray ~ remember this prayer ~ Promise me to
“Dear God please tell mommy we said hi
That we understand that all people must die
We know she is safe with you in the sky
She is an Angel with wings and can now fly
We promise to make her proud
Our dreams will reach beyond the clouds
Tell her that we are okay and we remember her everyday
She is in our hearts where she will forever stay
We know she did her best ~ and that her soul can now rest
Please tell mommy we love her again and again…”
Thank you for the love you share,
The advice you give,
The way you care.
Thank you for the strict rules,
The constant no’s
Pointing out the surrounding fools.
I know I don’t always show it,
So you may not think it’s true,
But no matter what happens,
I will always love you.
The Joy of a birth, his own shine penetrating his eyes,
The new out born fruit of a long spend love,
Her hands rubbing against her red shiny chin,
Her legs crossed, the beauty that sings till the last breath.
Her thumb in her mouth, blowing, saliva flowing all over,
Her tiny grassy hairs and a sensational smile!
His mind throbbing with a pleasant paternal pain,
Oh, the enduring love!
He curls her onto his lips, the roses of affection,
Fell on her bright cheeks and a spurt of emotions,
Through his blood, that glowed the heavens between
And his two round globes filled by a sea of passion.
“Come to me, my baby, my love, my little daughter….
My sweet little doll,
I will love you till my death…
And I will carve a heavenly doll,
For you to sleep with….My angel…”
The man thus became a father and a true paternal love
Flew through his heart, into the unknown worlds.
The enthusiasm of the youth, and desire for the taste of love,
Her tiny grassy hairs grown long,
The soft fabulous filaments of keratin hanging by her curves,
The dream of a girl, for a handsome prince haunting her nights,
And eventually flourishing into a full blossom shiny daffodil,
Her lips wet, her legs crossed, her red cheeks burning
And the sweats flowing through the blankets.
Oh, the youthful pleasure!
The ghostly love takes her into the world of souls
From there the memories of her father,
Pulling her back, into the past world.
The affection fought heavily with the gods, but, only in vain.
And the gods decided to keep in their beds, the beauty of hers.
Unknown of these realities, he opens the door
And finds his love fallen prey to the love of an unknown.
All his dreams to carve her a heavenly doll to sleep,
Perished only in the mightiest darks of the underworlds.
The life in his soul had gone and the bird shall sing no more…
“Not yet, my love, not yet ….
I haven’t died …my love ….I haven’t”
He fells on his knees and takes her into his arms,
Her head hanging down by his flexed elbow,
Her breast pressing hardly into his heart,
His face bends, lips on her forehead,
And his teethes hurting her pale feathery skin,
Tears of unfinished love dribbling from his spheres, her face wet,
He cries loud with no breath in-between.
THE END©Anees Rahman
That’s not my elephant, my granddaughter said,
as we came upon them at the zoo.
I asked her how she liked them. She misunderstood.
Why, Paw Paw, I don’t need another one,
I have one already.
Her name is Ella.
Ella phant silly.
Where do you keep her?
In my ‘magination, but she likes my dreams better.
She likes to walk through fields of spaghetti
and toss meatballs with the monkeys.
Fields of spaghetti?
Paw Paw…she drug out, exasperated.
You know it grows on a farm.
How do you know that?
The second graders told us….
They saw it.
I hushed then, thinking as we strolled.
How wonderful it is to grow old
with such imagination and the bill of rights
strengthening our “pursuit of happiness”,
no matter what it may be.
© 10 Jan 2011 For Matt Caliri's
That's not my elephant, contest.
Save a rose for your mother, dearest child
of mine; save one for me when I too die.
Know not a day can possibly go by
Without a thought of her: sweet and unbridled.
She’s forever free now, dearest child
of mine; you will be free when I too die.
Think on our love, ‘tis thine, from she and I,
Who bore your life for you, our dearest child.
You are the hope of your parents’ short lives;
You no longer need us, so: achieve, achieve!
Stand for yourself, live with your own two feet,
Explore, travel, learn, be someone who thrives,
Find the joy of life, it'll always be there, so: believe, believe!
I am malleable in God’s hands,
No one can shape me like He can,
He never gives me anything that I can’t handle,
He always knows what He is doing,
No one can compare to Him,
He is the father I never had,
I can truly trust, love, and honor Him,
Because He made me,
He loves me,
And I love Him,
I will never be able to put my heart into someone else’s hands with such trust!
Because He is love!
And I am His.
- Inspired by Jeremiah 18:6
Jeremiah 18:6 NIV
“O house of Israel, can I not do with you as the potter does? declares the Lord.
“Like clay in the hands of potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.
I gazed across the room,
A portrait of friendship,
Parents of generations,
Young and old blessed with friends,
Gathered to dine and enjoy another's company,
The sounds of music in the air,
The pianist caressed the keys,
With an old familiarity,
Songs of generations,
Lively and enjoyable,
A cup of tea, complimented,
With delicious foods,
A goodtime had by all,
A portrait of friendship.
Author: Gwen Meyer-Erlach Schutz
I'm very young, mother reads
her voice leads my imagination
sweet, like cake
hold my son and read
familiar poems, tales
from an orange book
with hair dark and deep.
i imagine me running my fingers through it.
i imagine kissing her cheeks.
ive wanted her forever.
i need her right now.
but she's like a bird
nobody can tie her down.
i wish i had her with me. so i can tell her these things.
and i also wish i could tell my mom, who would be so disapointed in me.
i only wish i could come out and scream to the world.
"I DON'T CARE I'M IN LOVE WITH A GIRL!"
i only wish that my mother could see,
that even though i might be gay, i still want her to love me.
so tonight ill call her, my lover (if that) and fight with her when she ccalls herself fat.
i laugh along with her, and talk about her day.
then my mom will burst through the door crying. then i'll tell her, im gay.
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?? ???, ?????... ?????... ????? ?? ???? ??? ???? ??????
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??????, ????????? ?? ?? ??? ?? ?? ???...
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?? ???? ????? ?? ????, ????? ???...
??? ?? ??????, ?? ???-????? ?? ???? ???,
????? ?? ???????? ?? ?? ????? ??????? ???,
?? ???? ?? '???? ???? ???? ?? ??? ?? ??????...'
????? ?? ??? ???? ?? ???? '????, ?? ??? ????'
'????... ??, ??? ?? ???? ?? ?????? ?? ??????!'
??, ????? ????? ???????? ???? ????? ???,
?? ??, ???? ???????? ??, ???? ?? ???? ???
- ???? ????? ?????? (10 ?????, 2013)
To 3/256 Cherokee Girl
Cute like the fly sun and with paddy curl hairs similar
From those summertime fields blow over her in full swim
And it fits in her small understanding
In front of this Adoptive Indian law
She grows like a lovely calf wondering it should not be.
Upon uplifted petals of her big eyes of half-brown
Indian bloom India Baby Girl a battle of love
And parents’ nightmare is breaking out for months
And the entire globe’s eye could see the idea
Of making a direct pain within her tender heart
And it does not matter you and I shall become
A parent and parching stirs and twist about father’s rights
He does not have it any more.
Flying among twinkly stars in faith
For the 3-year-baby girl the notion but a father’s lack
of Autumn and over the whole prairie shimmering
A compelled of him an Indian loves or ground
To the child he never felt before.
I think of those parental days of affection and love
When the Baby Girl was small and wanted it most;
Standing now in the sea of gestures, you great chief have missed
A cut generation goes by, and your conscience from what that weary buffalo
Love cries it certainly does not exist in your heart anymore.
Let us pray because I am going to take you home
Where you will be safe.
Let goes and come at last to understand
You and I and the prairie Mother
Always we are going to love you.
I want to break you out of here—
commandeer the ludicrous
and roll you over the salt-sprayed hills
where Camas choirs sing out indigo
hues, beneath your opus scribed
upon the dawning crimson blaze
you crave . . . like air
each laboured breath
from this eighth-floor window
Each day on the television news shows
I watch the mothers of the kidnapped
Nigerian school girls as they cry big tears
of sorrow for the loss of their daughters.
I sit there helpless, wanting to aid them
in their quest to locate their beloved girls
and return them safely to their families.
Hopelessness invades the core of my soul.
My God! This is the 21st damn century,
events such as this should not happen
in this modern world in which we live.
I guess the evolution of the human race
still travels at a slowly moving snail’s pace
and that realization hurts my heart and soul.
I say a sincere prayer for the missing girls
and their grieving mothers so far away.
To me, she was a flightless bird
Convinced she was restrained
by those around her
Delusional in thought
that the world around her
wanted nothing more
than to keep her from soaring.
To me, she was a child
trapped, scolded, and tortured
desperate to break free-
too helpless and crippled to change.
To everyone else,
she was selfish, she was a liar,
she was manipulative,
narcissistic; a petty thief,
a drug addict, a prostitute . .
To everyone else,
she is broken
and to her,
she just needs a fix.
And they tell me,
"Let her go."
As if I could let the one
who gave me life
When her blood
runs through my veins
her broken words
left scars, and stains
and they tell me
"Just move on"?
When I'd see a blonde
in grocery stores,
and run to them
in hopes it's her
I felt something crack.
When my birthday's came around
and she said,
"I think I'll be in town,"
every lie from every year
before that moment
And when she didn't come,
because she didn't have
because she needed to
just couldn't make it-
I was the first to understand.
I was the first to forgive.
I was the first to defend her,
to love her,
to trust her once more.
She taught me,
that promises are only words
with as little meaning as you give them;
that love is measured by your ability
to withstand pain.
She taught me,
the hardest thing in life
is watching someone you love
and the second hardest thing in life
is to become them
The steam is rising,
the shower is getting hotter---
What's that pitter patter
I hear above the sound
of the water?
Could it be the two cats,
Macey Grey and Jake---
curious and willing
to play shadow boxers
amidst the soap and mirrors?
Soap and mirrors---
The steam is rising,
the shower is getting hotter,
but I'm not recognizing
It's relaxing you say---
Lose track of the time
and run away----
With me into the night,
just don't lose sight
of that great fight---
Shadow boxing tonight!
And morning is just a dream
that comes too quickly
Soap and mirrors,
tiny fingers, writing, designing,
fashioning her newest creation---
handprints on my heart!
c2013 Julie Rasley
I knelt down and did up her zipper -
She struggles with her sight you see
She kissed me gently on the top of my head
Saying ‘things I did for you as a child now you do for me’
The above happened yesterday - I am on massive emotional roller coaster with mum at the moment 3 amazing days and today she’s not so good and I’m struggling with the emotions
The mourning sun struggled to shine
over the good earth
longing for uprooted seeds,
O-Lan’s second bamboo shoot
harvested far too soon.
The eighth page of
my American newspaper
as is our rage.
of Asia's daughters
during this thirty-year long
monsoon of tears
cry out in unison:
Was gender our only crime,
or was it the cruelty of order?
(to form an even
more perfect union,
one child-no second chance,
second child-no first chance.)
fair market value of
rare Punjabi jewels as
the opportunity cost
of their ultimate dowries,
while surplus men pine.
O blind new world
proud of its
so unaware of the
last night I dreamt
Heaven’s narrow gates
its vast expanse
unable to contain
our aggregate guilt,
the billions of us who
As she stopped atop the terraced stairs
her tiny ,yet sensual figure .seemed to take on a glow
This beautiful woman, daughter of mine
Was shining ,like a glistening gemstone of varying hues
And all living things around her seemed to stop their daily chores
And breath in her angelic beauty.
She stood radiant in her snow-white glory. unaware of her glow
Her long gauzy veil moved gently , ever so slightly
As a breeze passed and uttered a sigh of admiration.
The sun beamed down warmly as the puffy clouds paused .
This was her day and all of nature stood enchanted
As she seemingly floated down each step with natural grace
All breathing seemed to stop , waiting for her entrance to complete
her smile, so radiant with love and delight, emitting her innate beauty
And the luminescent waters mirrored her beauty in natures surroundings.
She walked in beauty , harmonious with nature on that day
And all the Angels in the heavens stood enthralled, whispering softly
As she floated along the green of Summer's carpet
And the flowery petals opened wider to catch the colors of her beauty
And watch Christine, the most elegant of flowers , on her ceremonial day.
I kiss her goodnight, two months to the day,
and prepare the van, for an overnight stay.
The plan is, a family trip to the shore
No thought of regret, can't open that door
Hours had passed, when I heard my wife's cry,
I rushed to that cry, so to nullify
The fear in her eye's, I saw from the door,
directing me toward, the horror she saw
Then I'm inside, on my baby's right side,
I see she's blue, and I know what to do
The soldier inside, is trained to save lives
I pumped her chest, and gave her my breath
I got on the line, all while keeping time,
rescue arrives and, I hear SHE'S ALIVE!
We fly outside, to follow her ride,
lights flash emergency, on the outside
There is no time to spare, when we arrived,
we rush through the door, to be by her side
I Pray that my daughter, fought and survived,
no words spoken, I can see from Doc's eye's
My heart hits the floor, and breaks deep inside,
facing my wife, I can tell her no lies
We dropped at the door, our daughters no more,
for she didn't survive, this ambulance ride
Now she's our Angel, we know this inside
My family now four, will have to abide
For picture frame contest
is one who first
understood the reason of your cry
is one who first
knew how to calm you after cry
now that you are no more
I have stopped crying
other construe as weakness
I have stopped correcting them
now I direct inwards
as in soul you reside
you still calm me
when drop touches you inside
with you in me
how can I ever be weak?
The Chosen one
Now I am left alone with tears ~
with all shared may sadness cease
the darkness of loss as fears increase
your heart wants to hold on for hope
losing the one expected never ready
going through acceptance you think
until time stands still and life does cease
Now I am left alone with tears ~
every thought now to late to speak
all you thought you knew you didn't
when death comes swift no real preparation
How long will this hurt one can only wonder
The tears fall hard , the tears fall alone
saying goodbye forever your gone .
and in the magic window the time is an eternity present
and there is the girl&daughter&woman
as we always must remember her
young not old
and i a fool ferocious father beat at my heart
as she dances into yesterday
all smiles and joy
translucent angel that she is
i miss the delicious child of Then
but wake to a caramel breath of change
almost as good as deep perfume
and celebrate a sacred brilliant life
lingering with me awhile yet, at home.
I cry, I hold it in, I cry.
I hate the way I saw you tonight,
Wrapped up in wires,
Sleeping beneath the shut off lights,
But this is no sleep your in,
Its just a moment before your passing.
I will forever hold the memory,
Of slick juice upon my face,
Sweet clementines dripping down my cheeks,
And long stripped socks at Christmas.
I will look back and dream,
Of slim jims and chocolate milk,
Sitting at the bar,
The lights dimmed,
And Barbie stamps covering my pale skin.
When I was less than five years old.
I will never forget,
Sitting on your black leather couch,
And watching Mulan for the first time,
Or the love and surprise I felt,
When you bought it for me,
Because I loved it so much.
I will always remember,
Walking the small trail down from your house,
To go look at your Harleys,
And feed the little ducks,
Crumbs of bread,
Or a whole damn loaf if I really begged.
I will never forget the time,
When you handed me one hundred bucks,
Just for Graduating, not even at the top of my class.
When I tried to return it,
You insisted that you wanted me to keep it,
And I cried, I hugged you hard and felt your love,
Deep in the nether regions of my heart.
I will strive to remember,
The smell of beer and whiskey and cigars on your breath,
What a sweet smell that now seems,
And oh how I wish, you would have stayed for that bottle of wine,
Just stayed a little longer for all of your visits.
I will never forget how I felt when Grandma told me,
You served in the marines,
And I could not believe,
That those Santa Clause eyes,
Could be that strong and brutal,
When you were always so nice,
And I found for you a new respect.
I miss you so much,
As you lay in your bed,
Strung up with wires, and tubes and struggling,
To find your last breath.
I am crying, I cant hold it in.
Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION
If I can not be held in her arms, or weep into the cradle of her neck
and smell the sweet sweat, smoke and cover girl scent
Nor lie in her lap and listen to her choppy lullaby
then I wish I could watch a movie of her life
little clips of happy moments, parties and graduations
I'd like to unroll reel that slowly panned her smile
where her laugh could curl through my heart
and chase this loneliness away.
I wish I could read her journal, and meet her all over again
I want to hear her secrets, the ones she would have told
when I was of age to understand
I want read a letter to me, explaining her love for me
so I feel that wholeness of a parents love once again.
I want to read her script and remember the shape of her hands.
I wish someone would talk about her to me.
I want to hear the stories about my mother
that fate never allowed her to say to me.
I want to know that someone else feels this sorrow
that her impact on the world was not just her love in me
that some one else understands and feels this horror too.
I miss my Mom, but alas, there is no one left to speak.
You rocked me to sleep cradled in your arms
Held my hand as we walked to school
You were there always for all my ups and downs
You picked me up when I fell, took care of all my scraps
Made me smile when I was blue like only you could
You loved more through all my tantrums and rebellions
Kept my secrets and took me to task when needed
No matter how old I have gotten your love
Has always been with me and seen me through
You stood by when I needed you even when I didn’t
No one can ever replace the love you have given
To all your children and your love is timeless
I am proud to have you as my mom.
Only because of you...
Hopes closed in,apocalypse seemed better
waves of remorse swept me to the depths,
darkness as pitch black night ossified me.
My sorrows ,my blues and me .I..
Lost,a loser.. I was tagged ceremoniously
dumped upon mind's dusty attic...Then,
a slight wiggle you did, a soft kick
within my womb my being read .
My seed within me feeding on my loser life's sap
from vessels that I once longed to slit,
roused my head away from the vices of the world
urged my lung to breathe and brace, a new beginning.
You burgeoned me ,filled me up,my baby
drained my blues off, drop by drop,my baby grew
took my hand and led me on to meadows green
You and I , our chord of love unsevered.
blurred visions .frumpy fears, weary thoughts
all chased away by years of magical love
A shining gem ,my darling daughter, says to me
'Take care,I need you more than you need yourself!'
for the contest,Chasing the blues away.
I am many things
I am everything
I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am a niece
I am the baby
I am the friend
I am the fan girl
I am me
There is nothing I could be better
Nothing the world wants me to be
I am just me
I am me
So many times I looked at you
and saw me standing there,
I kind of smiled to myself...
which really wasn't fair.
To keep from you this feeling
how proud I am of you,
May all your dreams become
fulfilled as mine once did
Hand in hand and
Eyes to eyes,
As if from the heart,
Then hand out of hand
And eyes apart from eyes
Leaving the girl in stark anguish...
BY: CHARLES MELODY (LIGHTNING INK).
I can see the potter's hand when looking at your face.
Each gentle feature not by man could such a thing create.
I watch in awe as you sleep, this cherub from my flesh.
A most precious gift he gave to me he knew 'fore she drew breath.
I know nothing but to stand rendered in my awe.
In this role that I have granted me by God.
I wonder eyes how did you see before you saw her face?
And heart I wonder how'd you beat 'fore the kiln yielded that day?
What the potter's hand had made.
Last night my sister died
One week before the Winter Solstice.
My father was worried about her jewelry.
He, one of my other sisters and me,
went to the hospital because he wanted
the three rings frozen on her fingers.
The rings like the circle of life
may have powers to bring her back.
They were taken from another dead women
her mother who died more than one year.
My father would not leave the emergency
room until he got those rings.
The woman helping him
was too nervous to enter the morgue.
But like Nephthys she went in the underworld
Cold dark place where my sister's body
lay in state.
My father blamed himself
for not taking the rings off
when she died.
But when he like Osiris
was given two rings by a women.
He was the ringmaster of a three ring circus.
He came to life, he was clowning, telling jokes.
Maybe the rings have the power to bring back life.
At her funeral there she lay in state,
cold and still dead.
My father was wearing ten rings,
crying maybe cause he lost his powers.
Like Cronus his eldest son was a no show.
One drunkard said my father's daughter died in his arms,
Or maybe the rings have lost their power to
bring back the beloved dead.
Mommie, Mommie , Daddy has entered Eternity with US
Can I take Him to the “ Pond of Time “ after dinner
Lenore’s long grey hair, Still grown Down to Her Waist
Her wrinkled, Weathered ,hands, an Eternity of Sorrow
She turns around, In Her Wedding Gown, Flowing Auburn Hair
Green Eyes, Sparkling like Forest Morning on a Spring day
I tasted Her Rosa Lips, as our tongues danced; the Music of Forever
“It seems so long since Yesterday, when I Vowed to be YOUR Bride”
One Heartbeat, for ALWAYS and FOREVER an ETERNITY of LOVE
“Naomi, Darling go to the GARDEN and pick an Aqua -Rose for Dad”
“Honey get a bowl of water from the Pond of Time; Memories Come to Life"
“My Dearest Most Only Beloved, Harry; Eternity was so long without YOU”
“ Now we shall be Together ; for the Life of Infinity, the Eons of Eternity ”
“ You will see “Naomi’s Birth, Watch Her grow, a Mighty limb on the tree of life"
"Lenore, YOU Captured My HEART; When YOU Walked Into Homeroom in School"
" Your POEM " The Green TIGRESS " Introduced me to a World Of POETRY"
" YOUR Shyness; My Shyness, like magnets May first repel, Til You Turn Them Around"
" You have been and ALWAYS will be My Dearest MOST ONLY Beloved " LENORE "
"They Shall know of' of Our LOVE EVERLASTING, "Lenore" I have Always been Faithful""
"I will Always Love You but, here in My Earthly Rhelm; I've fallen in Love "Barbara"
"As Are YOU , She is a Phenominal POETESS, She Touches My Soul : " Barbara Jean "
"As I wane in Life now; as the Breath of Life becomes so much Harder to Breathe"
" I'm Scared of Death, I'm Scared of LIFE, I'm Scared of LOVE, BARBARA or LENORE
Entwine as One For EVERMORE
To Be Cont.
An unbreakable bond is what we share
Our love is genuine and rare
Beautiful memories of you and I
Laughing, smiling and joking
Unafraid to be ourselves
We are mother and daughter
Openly talk about whatever is on our mind
We fully trust one another with our deepest thoughts
We are best friends
How awesome is that?!
Never have to pretend
We can just be ourselves
We love each other unconditionally
And those not so good days,
Will never change the way we feel
Our love is one of a kind
We don’t always see eye to eye
But we communicate to make things right
Never stay upset with one another for too long
For our love is much too strong
An undeniable bond
You are my daughter and I am your mother
Always there for one another
Fully supporting and encouraging each other’s dreams
Uplifting, never discouraging
We are each other’s biggest fans
We are one
Kiss and hug each other on a daily basis
Show each other love and appreciation
I’ m an image of you and you’re an image of me
We are very special to one another
Mother and daughter is what we are
We Are Each Other’s Heartbeat!
A squinting friend peers through a lens
Along the aisle, a tri-pod bends around bouquets,
and snaps a file of wedding guests
An older brother, winks a smile, for in his eyes
a warm embrace. He plays a trace of Bach, on his guitar
Her younger brother sings along, and thinks
of spars, high jinks, and pranks, her laughing face
that sparked their childhood bond
Her father ponders her first bike
mosquito bites, her freckles and a scabby knee
A fortress, high, among the trees
where a princess climbed, to castles, fair
where songbirds watched from cradled nests, above her braided hair
He'd turn the world from end to end
to spin her back to then again, .....but that was then....
...and this is now...he must release her hand...
And through my tears, a child I bore
adores her knight, with eyes... in sight
He waits for her. She lights a smile......
in satin slippers up the aisle
He lifts a veil and they are more
than what they were before
Inspired by Craig's Contest:" A Collage Held Dear" 10/2/13
a trumpet sounds
but refuses to blare
it just doesn't know
how to harm
what it takes
to infect the living
out last the past
bond brothers and sisters
as it loses
to a force
because the vibration knows god
and is ONE
and though human imperfections
sit in the shadows of it's path
and forever will
we choose to destroy
but how can we concentrate
on methods of malcontent
when god sits at our breakfast table?
as father urges child
"stand on two feet!"
he tolls the bell
as we lay on deaf ears
he loosens ties with anger
as the path warns and wears
driving this cosmic ship
of no loses
and he smiles
for he knows
what we yet
have to find...
and all is well.
I have a live doll.
She curtsies and twirls, dances.
Farts and says excuse me through a giggle,
Poops and pees,
Is anatomically correct.
Little blonde doll,
I comb her hair but it is always wild,
Sometimes I’d like to carry her by it
But I never do.
My live doll
Smiles and sings songs
Has multiple sayings from her pull-string:
I love you,
Please and thank you,
Mommy and Daddy,
F*&% or fork.
(We aren’t quite sure.)
My pretty doll,
She is fully posable
Has multiple outfits:
Pink dresses, blue jeans,
Pajamas for night.
She came with a certificate.
My darling doll,
I hope the world
doesn’t rip off your limbs
and forget you under the bed.
Age of purity and innocence,
this time of change
meets a blooming maturity
Fulfilling form, stylising figure;
nature produces fine specimen
A time to play with hair and fashion
To perfect beauty,
applying make-up and perfumes
Bringing forth fresh radiance
Changing mood and attitude
A young lady, pleasing to the eye
stands before mankind
A budding beauty
ready to take on new life style
To seek, settle, nurture,
or give her all to career
Go-getter or jet-setter
her presence is felt near
Published by Poetry Explosion of PA
In Loving Memory of my Dad, Peter J. Mariotti
He left this world on May 9, 2011. I miss him so.
50 Years-Korean War
Dad, you were one of the foot soldiers,
When the Korean War began,
You were among the many to fight
In this foreign land,
You went bravely into battle,
Because our country told you to go,
You didn’t ask any questions
You just went to fight the foe,
North Korea was Communist,
South Korea was not,
The country had been split
After World War II,
Now American boys were fighting
On Korean soil,
The South Koreans needed help from
The Red, White and Blue
Dad, you were a hero,
You served our country well,
Now after 50 years
You finally were able to tell,
The story of your war
And the misery you saw,
The Korean War had been forgotten
But now at long last,
It will be remembered,
As an important part of our past.
Celine Rose Mariotti
In the distance men at arms
looking to conflict only harm,
What is to be the plight of man?
With the intellect of a woolly ram,
life becoming a complete sham.
Energy etched within the P.C Rom
loving one’s self, blowing one’s horn
this becoming decisively the norm,
so utterly concerned I am
for one’s granddaughter our Sam!
The Title may be slightly ambiguous
but it means,Horsman families concern
for the future.
Like us than
You will ever know.
Not of stone
But of fear.
The phenomenal essence of all that I am
Is what you have made me
I trail in your wake
Remains of a constantly blazing star
You burn through the heavens and fall to the earth
Becoming rock upon which I stand. . .
Rest. . .
Raise myself to the level of forever.
Letting go the hand of the child I was while
Standing on my toes peering into the face of the woman
You enabled me to be. . .
I am sorry,
I am very sorry,
This is for my daughter
I mean my young, beautiful pet.
That was it, the voice of my friend
Who now prides himself
Of another daughter across the street
Only God knows how many of such
I mean those susceptible to his carrot.
Indeed, very young
Full of life to live
Looking innocently attractive
Until he crept into her life.
Her Aunt’s door left ajar
She fell like a pack of card.
He dazzles her Aunt with intermittent gifts
He branded the girl “My daughter”
My innocent friend became a father
And dangles before his daughter a lanky carrot.
As times tickles away,
The daughter not only eats the golden carrot
But she swallows it gently with exactitude
Yet, her Aunt saw no changes
When carrots thickens her sister’s hips
And her flat buttocks getting curved roundly
While her chest pointer getting shaped
Her Aunt still blinded with gifts of “Suya and bread”.
Here comes this day knocking
As my friend’s daughter
Vomits and coughs repeatedly,
She feigned to be well before her Aunt.
“Nothing, I’m okay”
She smiled to her friends
And pretends to all
But grim only at her father
The act got caught short
Not for too long,
Now we all know,
That she has swallowed her father’s carrot
And it got stucked in her throat.
When?, Where?, Who?, her Aunt queried
Three months ago, she retorted
My . . . My . . . My . . . father, she replied.
Before eyes got blinked,
My friend’s was out of town
In search of another daughter.
Alayande Stephen T.
4th August, 2007
Spiced up for my good friend Tope and his daughter.
It all happened on my visit to Abuja.
Suya- An Hausa language (from Nigeria) for roasted meat.
The lasting joy which love does bring
fill your life, so that it may sing
with gladness each and every day
as you go forth to find your way
amidst chaotic passages of time
to find that all which is sublime
is already in your possession
for the most lasting impression
one can make is to share the gift
of a life unselfishly lived.
There passes not a single day
when I do not think of you, or pray
that God's love, steadfast and true,
covers, protects, and abides with you.
And while life's hardships still do come
and the burdens become wearisome,
when uncertainties threaten or scare
and you need help, I'll be there
for I love you more than words can say,
as I have loved you from your first day.
is to hold
in your heart
a golden treasure
like in life
it lives with you
whom i cherish
is my mother
who in every day
what wrongs i do
lives with me
all of my life
in the heart
Mama you missed a part….
You never told me;
You groomed me mama.
You taught me to walk and talk like a lady:
And that I did.
But Mama you forgot,
Mama you skipped a part.
Mama, through your eyes;
I saw myself accomplished
A willed woman ready and mastered to conquer the world:
You groomed me to love the ones in my life
And I will receive the best in turn.
And that I did
But mama your words were of short.
Mama you skipped a part.
Mama, you told me…..
You told me to be of a strong heart.
To get up where men had stomped me down;
And Mama I did
I got up and fought when I was weak.
But Mama my strength is now void.
Mama you skipped a part.
Mama, you told me to guard my principles’…
I did, but Mama why can a man be so cruel.
Mama I guarded myself;
But with one flick of a page;
I was robbed.
I was robbed by a man whose woes perceived my doom.
Mama you forgot ;
Mama, you skipped a part.
Mama, you told me to love myself.
I did, but how do I do so now.
When my feathers have been plucked right up to the stem;
Mama I can never fly again with a broken wing.
Mama I can never have a stride like that of a queen.
Mama, you forgot.
Mama you skipped a part.
Mama, I am a broken angel.
Mama, I am now incomplete.
Mama, I am now walking with a crooked heel.
Mama, I cannot conquer the world anymore.
Mama, you skipped a part.
Mama, how do I unveil myself from the shame of being devoured?
Devoured by a man I know not.
But a man whose barbarism I will remember for the rest of my days.
Mama, you forgot to tell me there would be such
Mama, it slipped your mind to inform me how to deal with it.
Mam, you did not,
You did not teach me to get up form such demeanoring savageness.
Mama being raped, Mama deflowered.
Mama where did I go wrong...???
Mama you forgot.
Mama, you skipped a part...........
Drugged, she’s a princess.
Altering the world
In a white bruised dress.
Darling, smile for the camera
You’re their super nova.
A beautiful hazard
painted like plastic
made in china.
on pale burnt skin
flawless and destroyed
she’s the perfect little sin
wrapped in pretty little lies
devouring her within
torn, she’s a doll
ruling the world
on a white bruised wall
Darling, smile for them all
You’re their little star
Burning, and burning untill you fall.
This story is about a young girl named Sapphie Smith.
Her parents were poor, so they lived in a small house,
And Sapphie had only three toys,
An hour-glass, a spindle, and a doll.
The hour-glass had been her father's,
The spindle her mother's,
And when she was younger, Mother had made her the doll.
Sapphie had known no other life,
Therefore she was content with her toys and her small little bedroom.
She slept with the little rag doll every night,
Playing with it so much that it was frayed.
When she was about six years old,
An epidemic swept through the land.
Her parents wished they did not have to go to the village and work,
But they were so poor, they had no other choice.
Then, one day, Sapphie's parents did not come back;
Her father found good pay as a shepherd in the distant hills,
Where he would not see his family for a long time,
And her mother knew one day in the village
That she had the dreadful sickness.
She did not go home because she loved her little daughter so much
That she did not wish to risk her getting sick.
But it tore her heart to pieces,
knowing that she would never again see her beautiful daughter.
Sapphie wondered why her parents did not come home
As they did every evening.
It did not bother her much as she played with her toys;
The hour-glass, the doll, and the spindle,
Crawling into her little bed when she grew sleepy.
The next day, Sapphie was getting lonely without her mother,
So she went to look for her in the wooded hills around her house.
She soon grew weary, not having thought to eat breakfast,
And laid down to rest by a stream where she drank.
A kind woodsman found her and raised her like his own daughter,
But as the months passed,
Her father came home, and found it empty,
Save the doll, the hour-glass, and the spindle.
He set them on the little table with three chairs,
Crying when he woke up and saw them every morning.
Sapphie found her father years later,
Which was the happiest day of her life.
Whenever she was sad, she looked on the mantle where the toys were
And remembered how wonderful it was to have her father again.
# See About Poem #
Am I ~ a good mother
Does she ~ feel how much I love her
Can she ~ see the sacrifices I make
Will she ~ understand they are in her namesake
While my mind and heart were at war
My “hero” ~ had something in store
She ~ rescued me once more
With a phone call from 700 miles away
Enthusiasm in her voice ~ she went on to say
“Guess what mommy; I have to write an essay”
Topic:”The most important woman in my life”
Her words gently removed depressions knife
She ~ pulled my spirit from home in the dark afterlife
She ~ continued with a few questions for me
Answers she already had ~ all I did was agree
If only she knew ~ how much doubt filled my mind
“Am I a good mother” ~ how could I be so blind
Is it wrong for me to be so far away
Will it hinder the bond we’ve held since her “birth” day
Without being burdened with question nor task
She ~ rescued and reassured me in a flash
Now when in doubt or I can’t find my way
I pray my guardian angel answers ~ as she did today
Down on my knees I will look to the sky
Thank God for the blessing in her eyes
Thank him for hearing my cries
And for delivering my reply
“Mommy listen as I tell you why”
When she was 8,
You howled at the moon,
and caught the attention of the men in blue.
You steered across the line,
You argued, You spat
until the night sky faded into dawn,
and they deemed you worthy
of wandering home.
But in those hours of darkness,
she sat with an empty space on the blanket
looking up at the stars as fireworks
burst around her and
asked why you weren't there.
When she was 17,
You howled at the moon.
It was late and you had learned,
So you hung your head out the window
while the rain stung against your skin.
You taunted a cop,
You laughed, you puked,
As she fearfully drove you home.
In tears, she declared that she
could not leave you there alone.
You were her dad.
She stayed. She watched.
She wanted to be there...for you.
When she was 19,
You bought her some beer.
It was late. There were friends.
You felt like a kid again, partying with the crowd,
And you were a hit, the provider, the crazy one.
They rallied around as you slurred your words.
You laughed. They laughed. She laughed.
This was the way to have fun.
You explained that this was not
her first rodeo.
She was going to do what she was going to do
and you were going to be along at her side
As she howled at the moon.
When she was 23,
she howled at the moon.
Her skirt was short. Her top was low.
She danced. She drank.
And so did you.
You were guiding her, you said.
It was just good ol' fun.
Except it wasn't fun
when they pulled her out
of the mangled steel
and covered her face and shook their heads,
And now you howl at the moon,
deeply, sorrowfully, howl at the moon.
Insecurity is a terrible thing. Insecurity kills. It’s like a dark and terrifying serial killer that never gets caught. It goes on and on. There are some people who in a million years, you would never guess are insecure. Most of the time they’re the most insecure ones, they’re just so used to it that they’re the best ones at hiding it. They go to school every day with a fake smile on their face, hoping that no one will see the scars on their wrists because they just know that none of the other kids will understand why they’re there. The use bracelets to hide them or wear long sleeve shirts everyday. Even on the hottest days of the year when they could most likely over heat and faint. All of that doesn’t matter to them. Some people are insecure because of their weight. But the mirror sees one thing and a persons heart can see different. A lot of the time people are just un happy with their body. Sometimes it could be because of their skin colour or maybe the way their teeth are or maybe even the way they dress because their family can’t afford the best clothes for them. The possibilities could be endless. The girl you called fat? She has an eating disorder. The boy you called gay the other day? He lost all of his self confidence and now he wont even get out of bed and go to school because he’s scared someone will make fun of him again for liking the same sex. A lot of people don’t realize that words can really hurt someone. Those are the words that kill. I honestly feel really sorry for all of the teenagers that commit suicide and don’t get noticed because they weren’t 'The cool one’ or ‘The pretty one. But when they’re actually gone everyone seems to start caring. Funny isn’t it? They’ll say things like ‘She was so beautiful, I wish I could’ve done something to help.’. When the funny thing is, they were the reason why. They were the reason why that person went home every night and self harmed or skipped a meal that day. You say you cared? Yeah, of course you said that. I see exactly what you’re doing. You said that just to make you look like the good guy. You put on a pity party for that person, go to their funeral, lied to their family, but you’re doing this all just for you. Many people see this everyday. I can’t relate personally but trust me it happens. So I want you to think the next time you say something bad about someone. I want you to think the next time you criticize someone. Think about how bad that person might take to heart what you said. Think about someone other than yourself for once. Just picture un your head the way the blood drips onto the ground as they’re cutting. That blood is filled with your words of hate. Let that sink in.
In a corner of the town, stands a building of antiques.
Not an ordinary building but one that percepts the imagination;
sense datum begins and a scene takes place.
I am transpose to my great grandmother days.
I see the rocking chair that she owed
and the Raggedy Ann Doll given to me by her.
She is telling the store’s owner about his antiques
that this rocking chair was her favorite piece.
Oh, and she would like this doll for her grandbaby.
She said she wanted several rooms of furniture.
All must be vintage like her.
However, do not think of her as old.
She was short and plump with olive skin.
Her hair radiance gleamed.
Her smile meant everything.
She almost forgot my small gift that is when she shouted Lagniappe.
Sponsor: Black Eyed Susan
Contest Name: Antiques
She saved herself from pick up lines though she looked vulnerable
She's sooo lovable her heart definition could ruin my poetic abilities
You cannot put a price on her she's not billable
If only her lips where adjustable my soft poetry would define her inabilities and weaknesses for the mute to scream happily ever after
She's untouchable i O you an explanation
Her tears tattoo broken spirits uploaded on instagram
She's no twitter baby though followers invite themselves its unbelievable
I could throw nice verses in our conversation but i'm afraid i'm love blind
I'll tell you more about her if you ask me....ask me nice
Destiny ran into my room today
"Grandmother, we had such fun
Swimming and playing in the sun"
Her hair a wavy asterisk
Her lips expounding joy
The burnished bronze of her
The skip in her walk
I relished her swimming pool
fun and her commitment
so simply felt
I saw myself in her decades gone
and then I burned her joy in my eyes
and cherished that she came to
me to share her moment's delight
She stands lost in a thought
A tiny finger to her lips
Head slightly tilted to one side
Appearing too old for her age
Well, too old for me anyway
Certainly she's only three
How could she be any more
Yet...she is more, so much more
At different times she is more
But, at night, she is three
When I read her "Goodnight Moon"
And she's as Snug as a Bug
After the Prayers are said
When her nightly movie has begun
Then...then she's three
Most days...through my eyes
She's growing like a dandelion
She's a dandelion seed
Being blown away with the breeze
Blown out of my life, in to hers
She stands with her hands on her hips now
Wearing Levi jeans and painted toes
Fascinated by color and texture
Playing the guitar...not really knowing how
And time seems to pass me by
Won't be long and she'll be too old
Too old for my Heart to take
Off in this frightful world
Spreading her wings to fly away
But at night she'll still be three...to me
So you must go my Angel
I've got you protected in my Heart
During your quietest moments remember
Daddy will always be there with you
And at night you'll still be three
Dandelion seed on the breeze
Flying through eternity
It's the cycle of life you see
Yet in my Dreams you're still three
And you're here with me
© 2011 Kevin Stock
On Turning Sixteen
At sixteen seconds you cried
And so did I
At sixteen minutes
I held you and you held me
by the heart
At sixteen hours
We were heading home
and our family now
At sixteen days
Our family was conflicted
Our little man now had a
problem; daddy had another
child in his life …
At sixteen weeks things
Were getting crazy
Long nights, loud nights
Son and daughter now
Starting to find companionship
At sixteen months
little sister stare,
her hero brother.
Steps becoming strong and sure
Beautiful golden-brown hair
The skin, the smile on waking,
At sixteen years
Edge of womanhood
Brother and sister BFF
To Ceci from Dad on her 16th birthday (7/01). Much Love.
taking care of you.
making your meals and snacks for you.
telling you " Good morning ", each and every day.
taking you to school and wishing you both a blessed day.
picking you up from school,
asking how your day went, and what interesting things did you learn.
making your nutritional assessments, and trying to introduce good foods to you.
hugging you both, and both of you hugging me.
taking care of you when you are sick,
comforting you when you don't feel good.
trying to make your ouwwies not hurt.
the time that we should get to, and should have gotten to, spend together.
the quality in living, that we are suppose to have together.
just holding you.
the tickle fights when you would both tickle me at the same time.
watching and helping you both make awesome artwork.
you both singing, with your beautifully flowing and innocent voices.
tossing you both in the air, only to catch you, while singing,
" I got Aubrey, I got Aubrey, my baby girl "
and " I got Micah, I got Micah, my baby boy "
seeing you both play and invent and build.
watching you ride your bikes.
helping and watching you skateboard.
playing catch with the football or soccer ball.
watching you fill your buckets up with innumerable worms.
just watching you try to catch those slimmy worms.
listening you you both have a belching contest.
listening to you belching the alphabet.
watching you make the armpit farts, and laughing, just like your Uncle Eddie used to do.
taking you both to various places, and to see the natural beauty.
taking you to the Ouachita river to throw rocks.
taking you fishing, and putting the worms on your hooks for you.
watching you hold on to the bobber while you throw the stick fishing pole into the river.
getting you both chocolate covered donuts at Jimmy's Donut Hole.
getting to teach you both good things.
mowing the grass for you to be able to play safely outside.
telling you to pick up your rooms, and to put your clothes in the hamper.
cleaning your rooms for and with you.
organizing your good toys, and throwing out the broken ones.
buying you new clothes, and giving away the ones you'd outgrown.
telling you that I love you, before you go to sleep.
wishing you blessed and peaceful sleep, every night.
But most of all, I miss you.
Each and every day, I miss you.
May you both be blessed,
by The Holiest of Holies Himself,
in every area of your lives.
“I’m reading your poems, Mama”
She wrote while we were chatting online today
I was thrilled
What could give me more joy
Than to have my 19 year old
My only child, the light of my life
Read my work?
Then she typed…….
“I read it, Mama
The poem you wrote about Daddy,
‘He comes looking for me’
It’s so pretty, Mama….I cried”
A warm feeling came over me
Joy that my words had moved Shereen
Or...or was it because she loved her daddy so much?
“He didn't blink an eyelid when I told him,” I grumbled.
“I know, Mama!
He isn't emotional
Be patient with him, be patient.”
How she loved and defended him
He had just returned from Cyprus
Where he had spent several days with her
I could not go
My teaching schedule always clashing
With our plans to be together as a family
If she could only understand
He had cried on his way to the airport
The man who never cries
Who doesn't show his feelings…
He cried remembering their goodbye
After having given her a last hug
Right outside her small rented flat
He was surprised to find her on the street
She had rushed down after him
And there she was
The borrowed car he was driving
One more hug from Daddy
The big college girl
Living away from home
In her own little studio apartment
There she was
Standing in the cold
Wanting yet one more hug....
From her daddy
How she loves him
This man whose genes
Seem to have dominated over mine
In creating this living beauty...
Her curly hair
Her beautiful shapely body
It seems that she got everything from him
But wait…..then again
She got my heart
My love of music
My depth of emotions
The luxuriant thickness of her hair
YES! I MUST and WILL take credit for that
She inherited my love for writing
She already has a poem published
My little girl
My 19 year old baby
Who reads my work
And sheds tears
She is my living breathing poem
The best of who I am
And what I have to offer
The best of my love
My greatest accomplishment
Shereen Natalie Ghali
My legacy to the world
Eileen Manassian Ghali
PS......if you want an idea of Shereen's writing ability, then look up the poem she wrote for me on my birthday...It's entitled...The Month of May- My Daughter's Tribute.
THE EMPTY CHAIR
The empty chair sits in the corner
Where my darling mother used to sit
Her glasses on her nose, her book upon her lap
Sometimes she crocheted, sometimes she wrote
Long poems of lost love or letters to her brood
Sometimes she'd look at me and smile
And say I'd turned out well
In spite of all the angst.
Of course we fought and spat and cried
But most times we'd laugh and giggle
For two peas in a pod is truly what we were
But now she's gone, there's not much left but tears
Now my toddler sits and rocks upon the floor
He points towards the chair and laughs at it with glee
I look at him in wonder and ponder what he sees.
c ELR 2013
You're like a cowboy,
Dark blue eyes,
Dark black hat whitened with the grains of dust blown 'round.
Riding your horse from place to place,
You're laughed at because you respect women,
You're laughed at because you sober,
And you're laughed at because you passed up all those buckle bunnies
And saved yourself for that one special honey.
The one you call Baby, Darlin, and Pretty Lady.
You're not like the rest,
You work for your money.
You don't spend it on beer and cigarettes,
You spend in on your one sweet honey,
The one you call Baby, Darlin, and Pretty Lady.
When your wife had that baby girl,
You couldn't think of anything else,
But spending that money,
A new carriage, blanket, and pillow.
You couldn't wait to hear that giggle,
That little giggle of the one,
The one you call Baby, Darlin, and Pretty Lady.
You couldn't wait to see that smile,
A smile so big you didn't even know if her eyes were open.
You couldn't wait to see her expression,
Her expression from getting a new carriage, blanket, and pillow.
The ones you bought with your own money
That you didn't spend on beer and cigarettes,
You spent it on you honey,
The one you call Baby, Darlin, and Pretty Lady.
Our Ancestors fought to the death,
Just so we can live a brighter day,
So before you light up that blunt of meth,
Think about what you’re giving away,
It was a glad day in history when Obama rose to victory,
The first black president was all we knew,
Dark skin is in!
Haven’t you heard?
That even in our community,
You can get burned,
It’s a sad day when people would rather stay home and “Crank That Amber Cole”,
Than get up and run to a poll,
In our community,
Rockin’ Luis V is better than having a college degree,
And teen pregnancy is not only a trend,
But the single motherhood that follows should end,
Young girls learn of a wonderful prince to take them away,
Nothing should change thought their mothers prince didn’t stay,
And as the tears fade away,
She grows stronger every day,
In our community,
Fighting is no longer a word,
You argue with someone and shots are heard,
Girls showing places the sun don’t show,
So how do they expect the community to grow?
Where love is a figment of imagination,
Making a young child question her creation,
Young mothers would rather buy the iPhone 5,
Then satisfy her baby’s cries,
While her new man’s eye,
Wander up another girl’s thighs,
In our community,
Where #team dark skin vs #team light skin,
Makes others not love the skin they’re in,
Love, lust, hate, and trust,
Giving a rose on Valentine’s Day is no longer a must,
Where bad is good and good is bad,
Who would think to see their grandmother sad?
Her hurt and pain,
Shows how our community has lost everything her parents fought to gain.
Dad was puttering around today
Playing with me
God we haven’t played in years
You know, Dad’s eighty now
I remember how he looked in photos at twenty
I remember the twinkle in his eyes
at my sons two year old birthday party.
We played computer, you see Dad it can do this LOOK
LOOK here it does this too!
I did so like kissing the top of his bald head.
So good to see that old comb-over long gone now
So good to smell the MY Dad smell of clean clothes and soap.
Your files need to be organized Dad.
You have them all glommed up in with the general documents files.
Know wonder you can’t find them, all the love poems to his dear heart Ruth.
I wonder if he remembers my wedding day.
He was so handsome in his tux that day.
I remember his smile then as he watched me
walk the white carpet in the garden by the mill pond.
Joy, now is that any name to call a dog [oops SHE doesn’t know she’s a dog!]
The dust mop of a pooch barked indignantly as, I took her Daddies attention from
Had a dog once, Babe was her name, she was a huge sheepdog, we lost
our Babe when I lost my Dad for a long time, BUT he's been back along while too
Dad was sharing with me and I so loved it. Me, of course being his first girl,
sharing with me, his love and happiness with his last girl OUR Ruth.
Missed it by *that*much
'Missed it by *that*much'
is what I am told when I 'run '
*Barry Bones and *Karma Lee
the fastest of legs ,with my fingers.
I run, I swipe ,I slide,I somersault
still 'nom nom leathery', the sharp toothed monsters
eat my bones as a tasty treat.
No idol I do get,my running reflexes
chased away by demonic monkeys.
A feeble under 50 meters and skinny 9 points
hoard as the score my sweat earns...
I say, I quit ,to my ten year old
and sneak back to the tab track
when she' s not around.
Insult to injury ,she pokes at my scary scores
mmphh, I really quit ....
(till she snuggles deep in her bed-..s shh)
...and this is how I ''Temple Run',for all I know,
in my daughter's virtual run track!!
**I refer to playing Temple Run ,a virtual adventure game ,for winning an idol from a temple . * Barry Bones, and* Karma Lee, are fast running explorers. ..Demons chase the explorers who get inside the temple,so you have to run real fast. I run like a kid myself..Enjoy..
I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
When is Mum, coming for me?
"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"
I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now
I wish God
Could make my Mum
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!
I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own
A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!
Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm
“What am I going to do?”
“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?
“Is my life worth living?”
Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!
19 Girls chasing a ball:
Dirty shins, sweaty bodies, bouncing ponytails.
Grass stains galore,
I stand: panting, watching.
Never fast enough for this hunt.
For my father, I must stay.
For my father, I bloody my porcelin knees.
A spotted rocket flies my direction.
Maybe there is hope for me.
Your Family has raised you
Your Creativity has led you.
Your Determination has held you
Your Work has lifted you
Your Friends have been with you
Your school will remember you
You have made memories and friendships to always hold
You have made your life and it has made you
You have become more and you will become more again.
You have been part of the past and you are now a part of the future
You have been one of many but you are still unique
You have depended on others and others will come to depend on you
Never forget you can still seek advice or extend a helping hand
Never forget that you can make things better but cannot change everything
Never forget that paths will change and may again cross
Never forget to use your strengths and never give up
Never forget mistakes happen and never forget to forgive
Never lose your courage or fail to get back up again
Never forget to continue to strive, hope, pray, and be happy
Remember there are still lessons to be learned and mountains to be climbed
Remember there are still fears to overcome and dreams to be dreamed.
Remember we Salute your future endeavors and… We Salute You.
Remember you are uniquely you
Remember: You are our sons and daughters… And
Remember: You are loved true.
In late on a late night from a long journey,
Barely in the door
And she's telling funny stories
Of her own misfortunes
The comedy of errors that harried her homewards.
The young woman who will always be our child
Has the lot of us laughing
When we should all be asleep
At things that would've driven others
To fury or despair;
But those have no hold on her,
Because bulldogs don't give up -
They just hold on.
So now she's holding on again -
A new grownup
In a too grownup world.
Now the lessons come of living.
- But that's all right,
Because biting down and holding fast
Is what she does,
And she's gonna chew this bone too,
The tough white bone of adulthood,
Down to a pile of disregardable dust
And make it all her own
The while she works it.
I could see their births as if it was just
A time when all I knew was love
I’d no thought for tomorrow, just the day
How they changed the world in every way
How they melted this man, their father’s heart
How they instantly became a needed part
That held tightly to the palm of mine
How they’ll always be this man’s sunshine
But when they grow up
I’ll be so sad…
My world will then lose
the babies I had…
I’ll have just the memories
of their touch…
The day my daughters…
They’ll never fall in love with any boy
But, then they’ll never learn of all that joy
They’ll wait until they reach old forty two
But, that’s a dream that won’t come true
But when they grow up
I’ll be so sad…
My world will then lose
the babies we had…
I’ll have just the memories
of their touch…
The day my daughters…
One day I will walk them down the aisle
They’ll look at me with that little girl smile
I’ll do everything to hold back the tears
Forced by the memories of all their years
The day my daughters…
When I am old and they come to visit me
I’ll still see them as kids, though with families
Despite age, they’ll always be my little girls
Is every day that I’m alive in this world
The day my daughters…
Is the day,
I’ll grow up…too
It's been nine years, I have counted the tears-
they have made trails of guilt
worried into my heart
then filled with loneliness and bitter despair
but by your grace I have been shown...
For the first time, in these nine years, I have not wept
nor held a vigil to honor our grief
though the loss still burns, this time it is transformed
Peace from your love still reaches through death
and through your eternal love I am reborn
It is Good Friday.
When God took your spirit home
and left me dying to know,
how to love him for his sacrifice
when he asked me to give up you?
How do I heal this death and rise with you in his arms?
Through your love I was born, and in your arms I grew
and it has been your love the kept me whole
that taught me how to be reborn
for even though your body has gone
your words lost in the wind and breath no more
The essence of grace and strength you lived
- it grows still in your daughter soul
My being and existence came from your womb
my heart and mind shaped by your enlightenment
I have lived a life you gave me and for once
I live it in pride to honor your sacrifice
your words giving me the guidance I'd lost nine years ago.
Alas, I've come to know, that as you died
and went home with our Lord, you saved me from my death
not in your dying, my grief and love can attest,
but in your living strength and loving example
you showed me how to live a life
open to our Father's gift
We knew it would not wait, but the parting was too fast.
I sat in thought three days before your sleep and asked,
"In three days time my savior died, I wonder hence
what of my soul will rise with his?"
And now sitting Easter morning,
holding my sons candy-filled basket,
I realized Three days passed.
He took you home Friday morn, but left me love,
that eternal love that never dies
whose comfort is unending
I honor your love by giving it to my children
and Easter morning I felt your hug, your kiss, and knew
you have never left me
Though God took you home Mom
I know you have never left me
for as our Savior died and rose
you too still live in my heart,
showing me proof our Father's blessings
because you, my love, are my soul and all ready there
there fore I am strong enough to give this pain up
to honor his sacrifice and transcend,
to be humbled by the grace and mercy
that could forgive such lost lambs as I
You torture me every day
With your words
You leave me in agonizing pain
What did I do WRONG?
Do I really deserve your cruel words?
You said things to me
That no parent should ever say to their child
That I wouldn’t say to even my enemy
Why do you bully?
Does it make you feel cool
To make me feel like a loser?
Does it make you feel ten feet tall
To make me feel like I’m only ten inches?
You have no power
Unless I give it to you
But I do
Afraid of you
I left Ireland in the 80's with my husband and two babies for Holland. In 2003, we
returned so that our children could have an Irish University education. Dublin was
buzzing with life at the time, it was very expensive but we were home. Now in 2011,
my daughter is emigrating, back down the old ancestral path, she is going to Madrid
to teach English there. Our country has collapsed so badly, there is no employment
here so we are exporting our young, educated children by the day. A sad day for me
as my daughter leaves tomorrow. I wrote her this poem.
On the wave of emigration
I want you to know
That I see you, a fellow female
An equal on every level
Not just my daughter
My little pink princess
I see you as a woman
A power within this world
With oceans to offer
A lifetime still to learn
Go to your new life
A teacher in Madrid
Be free and fearless
Spread your wings and fly
Take the opportunities
Shape them to your dreams
You have all the tools
You can use them now.
Your analytic mind
Will help you make good decision
Fair and just rewards will ensue.
Your radiating heart
Will gift you new friendships
Maybe even a new love
All in good time
You will never be alone
Because you have a deep sense of self
This will be fortified
With this new tide
Your feet firmly planted
Will always serve you well
Balancing the ups and downs of Libra
Always true to yourself
Life will be true to you too.
We live in a new age today
This global world is small
As we email and skype
Fly back and forth to visit
We will continue to love
As mother and daughter
Our journeys through life
I will hold you safe
In my heart.
Everything I want is
embedded in the eyes of my children
in smiles twinkling bright
as lights on the Christmas Tree
in gentle spirits full of giving
filled with emotion and neighborly affections
in hugs that wrap my soul
like a gift layered in love
Everything I want for Christmas
is in the eyes, smiles, spirits, and unconditional love of my children
My heart is fierce in its longing for you
With thoughts that mimic flitting butterflies
Like stars chasing the moon in the black velvet night
And every time I close my eyes…
It is you whose face I see
I ache from deep within my soul
Wanting to feel my fingertips trace the soft texture of your skin
Run my fingers through your soft, chocolate hair
Longing to see your smile - beaming radiant like diamonds in the sky
Lying in my bed at night the fingers of darknes touch my skin
The moon quietly tiptoes through my window
As silent witness to my bleeding heart
Closing my eyes…
Brings your image closer to my mind
For you... are a violet glistening with dew to my longing heart
An angel - in a spider's land
Where they deceitfully weave their web of lies
Unwillingly... turning your heart against me...
The mother who loves you so
I drift away into a restless sleep dreaming of you- my girl
As the early morning sun creeps through my window
I awake... with a heart that breaks all over again
I am a prisoner held captive by my love for you
My precious, little porcelain girl
My love for you will never end
I pray for strength to see us through
For someday we will win this battle
And the love we share...
Will lovingly come shining through
BACK TO SCHOOL
In 1939 give or take a year or two
Most neighborhood kids walk to elementary school
The trip is a mile or less as a rule
Just the familiar brown lunch sack
It’s a time of brown knee-patches
Black glue-on rubber soles
Girls in plain dresses patched-over holes
By teacher at her mothering station
You walk along the high wire fence
That first day back
Walk slowly swing your brown lunch sack
Dreading view the entry way
Recalling summer fun those lost days
It’s not so large not so high -
The fence – but Emerson School reaches the sky
Three stories tall
Twelve rooms in all
Though now in retrospect quite small
In your pocket you’ve a nickel or a dime
To spend at the school store before bell time
A nickel buys a lot of candy in 39
But oh my gosh a dime!
The bag’s still half-full at lunch time
Dreading that step onto school grounds
Boys lean against the high wire fence
While girls some squeal seem to relish suspense
Make joyful cries
Much to the boy’s surprise
At last The ring-a-ding alas at last
And we all downcast
With lowered heads we climb the steps
Doors open wide and fast
Then the blast!
That OILY STIFLING AWFUL smell of school!
rocks in the rocking chair
with her granddaughter by her side,
she’s grown into an ambitious young woman,
she asks nana how it was
when she was young &
wondering if so many people back then
were so disillusioned
with the way that things were going
in their country---
grandma asks her to turn off the tv.,
grandma turns to her to say,
“when i was younger i had hope that
things were gonna change,
i stood in the streets with my friends &
we fought against the police &
we all went to jail,
because we didn’t believe in the wars that
our country was waging,
we didn’t believe in the way that our
country was treating its own citizens &
we didn’t feel that things would change
unless we ourselves did something…”
and then there was a pause &
her granddaughter smiled anxiously,
because she always looked up to her
nana for guidance, advice & wisdom---
but her grandmother didn’t say a thing
after that---she just looked out the window
& kept rocking in her chair.
Surreal,natural feeling of unblemishment
ecstatic maybe one concept of description.
My daughter, only sibling,grandson compensating
previous miscarrage,grandaughter soon to prevail.
Love instantly flowing,from a scan photograph
fullfilment being the operative word.
A prewaming welcome to the world,an unborn grandaughter.
Paul Beadnall for:
Sponsor Constance La France ` A Rambling Poet ~
Contest Name A Short Poem, Please
I wanted you to love me,
I wanted you to see,
I wanted you to know all I felt inside of me
I love you more than you'll ever loved yourself,
Watch you tear apart until only pieces are left,
I'm letting go now and I'm not turning back,
Far distant memories is all that are left,
I hope you know that there are people that care,
We may be far away but doesn't mean we aren't there,
Tired of this never-ending circle,
Live your life without your true purpose,
When will you see my torment and pain,
Wondering if you'll live to see another day,
You can be selfish you chose your path,
Now it's time you deal with the aftermath,
You break my heart again and again,
Just leave me incomplete until I'm not whole again,
I love you more than the air I breathe,
but you rip me apart until nothing is left of me,
I'll leave you to your torment, pity, and shame,
I just wish you would just only forget my name,
Can't let you break my heart in two,
The heartbreak I feel I wish you only knew,
I'll love you until the day I die,
I won't let you be the reason I continue to cry,
Hope you're happy and I have all that you want,
but I'm no longer here to rest your problems on,
I hope it changes I hope you see,
You are my love and always a part of me,
I'll always be here right by your side,
but I won't watch you self destruct until you die,
Think about us and how much we love you,
Turn your cloudy days into beautiful shades of blue,
Remember one thing and that's all that I ask,
Please quit pretending and take of that faulty mask,
You say you're alone but that's a lie,
There's people here that for you would give their life,
Keep me in your heart I'll never fade away,
I hope you'll find your meaning; someday,
Love you forever but that's all I can do,
No longer a prisoner to what you say and do
My sweet Valentine, you are one of a kind
And I'll always love you with extraordinary love
Each day I thank God for the incredible joy you bring
Perfect beyond expectation, you are
Amazing how you’ve grown, more beautiful each year
And I'm grateful for your inner beauty which mirrors your looks
Once more, on this special day, I write this verse to say
I love you, Andrea and always will!
2011 Happy Valentine's Day!!
Let me breathe,let me step on this earth
to see the wonderful world of god.
More than that,grant me the
wish to be in your arms.
Do not let the love,which
brought both of u together
become a curse to me ,which makes me
pay a hefty price-i.e. my life.
Kindly do not build me a grave
even before I am born and
do not flush me like waste
for being a girl child.
Is being born as girl such
a crime to you are punishing
me with death?.
please do not fill your heart
with venom instead of love.
I promise to be a good daughter,
take care of you always,
be there for you through thick and thin,
make you proud and laugh.
do not crush my little heart which loves you,
do not break my hands,which craves to hug u.
I am a bundle of happiness not a burden.
Is it too much to ask for a chance
to live and love you?
yes I am girl child,it does not make
me less human.
Just let me have my chance of living and
do not pluck the bud even before it blossoms.
[This poem reflects about the most dangerous crime -female foeticide.I hope this kiling stops forever and girl child is embraced .]
Dad missing you so much
on this father's day.
So many years ago you
left this old world without me
getting to know you better, am
wishing you a most happy
My father's day wish is
that I could go back in time
and tell you how I really loved you,
but knowing I can't.
So my wish is that all sons and daughters
would tell their dads how
they loved them on this father's day
to spend more time and get to know
them better, before it's too late.
For all fathers's, sons, and daughters out there.
i can see her so clearly
blue eyes blazing
the fog of the
making the scene
each time a car
past us i simply
saw her shimmer
she stood there until
my husband arrived
to meet us so i could
go home earlier
than i intended.
she didn't know that
i was sick to death to
know how he was
the wisps of blonde hair
danced and blew and
wet tangled curls stuck
to her head
it was not because i
was her mother, you know?
but she looked translucent...
an angel. i breathed sharp
as i listened to her.
you know what i mean...
it is a snapshot in time
that shall always be with
me, i need no camera.
she said "momma,
i am going to have to
leave him", almost
like she needed permission
to do so. she looked
down, so sad.....
i just tried to give her
some of my strength;
hugged her fiercely.
she was only 27.
my darling i will love
you until the stars
erase them selves
out of the sky ...
and even after
i thought that
would be alright.
not so. the stars must
have fell out of the sky
when i was not looking.
and....i didn't die
my love has been complete
and time standing even tho
he killed her as surely
as if he had taken a gun
of his choice and blew her
he took,....her children
her money, her shelter
even her food and the
life she was trying
the miserable creature
who said she was not
good enought married
a new woman on the
day that they were
so now....for many
years she was wandered
here and there and really
has no home. she lives
in pods at different peoples'
homes that love her.
then she moves on in a
her life seems to be
motivated by a fear she
is unwilling to discuss.
i know that she is certain
that if she stops she will die.
oh, God, i love her, i love
her, i love her.
All these years at home, me and my momma alone
Daddy on the run, headed for the sun, he must of been..
Because I obviously wasn't his sunshine
Growing up wishing you were there when I had something to say
But now it's on pause, just like I am to write this
There's no more fightin' it, I hate you daddy
And I love writing it
All the love and hate will come out, I'll be spittin' **** you
And failure out of my mouth. And when I stop talkin'
I'll be in a craze, glaring at him
With my hate my hate and rage gaze
I'll kick up my feet, scuff dirt in his face
Tell him I put weed and lines of cocaine in his place
And enjoy the disgrace upon his face
And tell him that it's his fault for tappin' out in the first place
Left alone in this world of demons
Trying to find my halo in this crazy maze
Raising myself, daddy left
And mommas worrying about her ownself
Life ain't always a perfect song, it skips and studders
Fear, something nothing can cover
My will is what I discovered, feelings uncovered
She starts thinking and wonders
Here dad, I'm gonna use brain
Yeah, I'm a smart ass
Seventeen years later
And I'm pouring my heart out, at last
Making it my point, I'm taking off my mask
Getting it off my chest, and laying these demons to rest
But **** me and the way I lived
Playing dirty and not letting my emotions show
Couldn't find mine
So I stole someone else's halo
But used it as a frisbee and chased it to hell
Spittin' cards now with cruela di'ville
And I know you're here too, in this fiery hell
I'll find you
And the corner in which you dwell
And when I find you asshole
You won't be slithering no more
I'll take off you're scales one by one
Make you the one who's coming undone
Scatter your ashes on hells front door
Bye daddy, now I'm the one who's leaving
I'll shut it, make sure I slam it
Throw in a **** you and god damn it
God sure damned us alright
But don't worry, I'll be sleeping tight
Nightmares at night, no more
I found my heart at my core
Leaving this life behind
And one last thing to the guy
Calling himself my ****ing dad
I'm better than you
And bull*****if I'm gonna let you haunt my mind
End of rhyme, I'm the one
Peacin' out this time.
I want to tell you
to keep your curls
but the allure of it
will find you one day.
You will spend hours
just to run your fingers
down the length of it,
and when you gaze in the mirror
you will see you,
but a different you,
You will put on red lipstick,
and the lowest cut blouse you have,
push up your breasts
as the strands waterfall down.
You'll pucker your lips,
just a little more,
sway your hips,
just a little more
and the men will say,
you're so beautiful,
I prefer you this way.
I want to tell you
to keep your curls.
They are wild,
full of truth.
When does forever become an option?
Only when one can still find
Inspiration for living
Despite the stale smell of saliva
From the person across the bed.
Consider it better
To regret walking away
Than having stayed with much regret.
So should today the fading footsteps
With the banging door
—the sounds of an almost wedding—
Be a reason for sleepless tear-fests,
Tomorrow it can be a cause for appreciation
Or gratitude for thinking twice.
For it matters not how the heart aches now
In the end what matters is how
The small talk before bedtime
—regardless of redundancy—
Will always be interesting
Time after time after time.
Your passion and your courage,
Are flowing through me.
Your love has traveled across eons,
And I recognize you as my mother,
So gentle and so kind.
My heart aches to you,
I feel as if you've always been there,
Oh Mama how I love you,
This distant just aint fair.
As tragic as a treasure,
Lost in sands of time,
The Fey would bow before you,
And recognize you as one of their kind.
Oh flower Mother,
I see you in my mind.
I meet you in the fields of wheat,
You teach me beauty with your mind.
I protect you with my life.
Moon giving Goddess,
My Ancestor Joan,
Would bow at your feet.
You are so important to me
I hope you know how much
I love you
And this love gets stronger
And stronger each day
we are together
You make me laugh
You keep the smile
on my face
You are funny, smart and beautiful
I know you are an
“Angel” that was sent to me
I thank God for you
Stay yourself and
©copyright Juanita Torr
You are my love,
my hearts content.
you are my life,
a life ideal.
you are my joy,
and you are my happy.
happiness like no one else can bring.
you are my hopes,
and you are my dreams.
you light up my life.
you are my everything.
you are my fear,
you are my pain,
and you are my anger.
you bring out the best of the worst in me.
you are someone to blame,
someone to hurt,
someone who is no one who deserves the anger inside of me.
you are my child.
A child you should be,
I should love you as God intended.
I wish someday our bond can be mended.
I have made choices, i can not take back.
I can not make up for the motherly lack.
circumstance and situations have put me here,
feeling hopeless and living in fear.
anxiety has stricken me,
I have succumb to my disease.
giving up on what i believe,
I have become someone in need.
I can no longer give my love,
my patience has run dry.
my heart has grown cold,
my eyes can no longer cry.
Forgive me for the mistakes I have made,
forgive me for the pain in your heart,
forgive me for the tears in your eyes.
I too am a child, learning how to become wise.
I love you child of mine
I wanted to be adopted again,
Guardianship wasn’t enough,
I wanted to bear your name with pride,
Have love that was tough.
I needed to be called “Daughter” again,
For you to look at me with pride,
I needed you to smile at me with love in your eyes,
To call my name and say, “Stand by my side.”
But then I realized I was already taken,
Not by you but by Someone up above,
I realize I had been spoken for all along,
Spoken for with love.
“He destined us for adoption
As His children through Jesus Christ”,
It says that in Ephesians 1:5,
Adoption by God feels nice.
He gives me all the love I want,
The things that I need,
He adopted us here on Earth,
He planted a seed.
I’m glad I was taken,
Not by you but by God,
For being spoken for all along,
Spoken for with love.
To the Newtown Children
A poet cries with broken heart
Look thine hearts be washen clean with death,
God knows how hastily can be
By an unfitting goodly young man
Become just another evil’s killer.
Take thou no mean of life
That so tenderly and small
Arranged now along that cold room
Where a hundred of parents
Like you and I look on poor children that thou think:
One day they shall be a doctor or a thinker like us.
To understand really why the hungry death
Has to do for their final journey in front of this sickness?
O, children! American children! My children!
I warn thee in all my heart and soul
That could not happen so earlier on life
And where thou cast the peace and saint in the kindness of grace
Take care of them from danger, thou take for a leaf
And makes my heart bleeding every one like us become angry
How in this heavenly nation this massive fate could occur?
Hold me fast in thine embrace God,
Where my despair cannot be silenced,
Let you and me and everyone else to knee and cross
Our fingers against our chest and pray for them,
Give them, Lord, thy blessing give,
Pray for them and mother as well,
And I shall finish this poem with trembled
Fingers and tears cascading over this bloody
Sheet as an awaken wind has just blown it from me.
He didnt know the wounds would go
Deep enough to bruise her soul
She lay there froze when he arose
She replaced her battered clothes
Rather the blows from clydesdales toes
Or the fate of conquered foes
This painful load forever to hold
A friend not stranger from her stole
He didnt think her dad would drink
Then find his gun beneath the sink
He hasnt blinked he's at the brink
Wants to feed animal instincts
Moms half insane feels daughters pain
Her tears form puddles like the rain
Her child explains how she's ashamed
Now mommy wants to share the blame
He didnt weep in courtroom seat
Jury discussion deliberately brief
Not very steep the sentence was weak
They only handed him three hundred weeks
He never did speak almost like asleep
He'll spend many cold nights wrapped in a thin sheet
Tried to be discreet almost lost heartbeat
When those bars of steel slid right past his feet.
At the age of twenty two I gave birth to my first child to survive. A beautiful
and flawless daughter with dark brown eyes and hair like mine. When she turned five years
of age warts began to grow on her hands. My daughter cried with eyes looking to me for the
answer. The same eyes that looked up at The Healer Ms Agnes who cast away my warts so
As with me, Traditional Medicine did not work and Ms Agnes and my Grandmother were long
dead. Grandmother taught me how to use the herbs to heal when I was so young.
Remembering getting rid of warts was a BIG job made me take pause. If Grandma
couldn't get the job done who was I to think that I somehow could. I stubbornly tried all
Grandma had taught me, but only in vain. How my heart ached for the knowledge and power
of The Healer Ms Agnes.
Such fretful sleeps did come as I felt hopeless for the answer to my daughters plight. And
then it happened one calm and starry night. A deep sleep finally came so strong over me.
While sleeping, right before me came a vision of The Healer Ms Agnes. The very next
morning I awoke with an idea of something new to try.
With a calm and soothing voice I sat my daughter down. I took her precious little hands in
mine. Gently I touched and counted all the scaly knobs I could find. All the memories came
flowing back and the story I began to recant. I closed my eyes and for the first time spoke
about how my warts were taken away I felt a little detached as I recalled each
detail I could to conjure up the Spirit of The Healer Ms Agnes.
When I opened mine and met my daughters awestruck eyes her hands were still in mine.
As I gave them a gentle squeeze I said " Maybe. Just maybe there's enough of the Spirit of
The Healer Ms Agnes left in there for you too. A question came to the edge of my mind.
What if The Healer Spirit spell is reversed? It could be my curse for meddling with The Spirits
That Be. The answer came as quick as a spark. I would gladly wear mine again if it meant
my daughter' would not.
On the fourth morning after that day my daughter awoke me with such a scream. I rushed
to her bedside to see what was the matter. Lo and behold there among the bedsheets were
the remains of her warts. Dumbfounded and bewildered I was left with no comprehension
and speechless while I embraced my daughter with congratulations. As I took my leave out
of her sight I slowly stretched out my hands to see if my warts had returned. I mused aloud
when I saw they had not.
Continued in Part IV....
Did I tell you I love you?
Well, I do.
Daddy loved you too.
I miss him too Mom.
But this man,
Is not Daddy
And can never replace him.
I know your're lonely,
But Mama he hurts you.
How can you love someone that hurts you?
You cover your bruises with long sleeves and makeup.
You smile in public even though you cry at home.
He comes home from the bar,
And all he does is yell at you.
All he does is yell
And then he hits you,
For no reason.
Mama why do you stay?
Mama your lip,
It's bleeding again.
Come on Mama,
Let's go home.
Our real home,
Where we lived with Daddy.
He'll never find us there,
Daddy will protect us.
Come on Mama,
WE're gonna go home.
A Princess In Black
A box of dark willow
Upon a cushion of white
Think blonde curls, each carefully laid
Skin whiter than snow
Bold eyelashes rested on smooth cheeks
Eyelids dusted with shimmering gold
Pale cheeks brushed with soft pink
Pink lips, still, to speak never again
Hollow collarbone concealed by flowing black cloth
Black sleeves ended just below lifeless fingers
Thin waist wrapped with sinched elastic
Loose black skirt left ankles and feet bare.
The coffin lid closes
One last tear emerges
Her sweet voice, still ringing
Her soft whispers, still noticed
A princess in black, never forgotten
I was sitting at the piano stand,
cracking my hands, getting ready to play,
when a man walked in, no one knew who,
he was, because no one had seen him in a while.
He sat in a chair, his hair so blonde and long as could be,
my hand touched the piano key,
I realized it was my dad not that it was bad,
just why was he here, i can't bare to see his face.
I stopped playing,
I started saying,
How mad i am for his fame,
He walked out of the school in shame.
I wondered why he was famous and what for,
He left me and my brothers to be poor,
For some other.
I can never forgive him,
but i'll let him live on in his fame,
for i have nothing to shame.
For i knew he would not claim,
me as a daughter or friend.
I moved my hands from the keys on the piano,
for i have moved on to another Piano Stand.
We saw the ultrasound of your unborn child
Early this morning, still awakening
When at the speed of light
It raced across the internet finding its way
Into our home and hearts.
Your mother began to cry and I
Was stunned and stupefied
At the reality of it all, remembering when
You were one time just so small.
I wondered about all the unseen and inexplicable forces
Conspiring and converging to create this new life
Inside you now. I wonder how
Time could have raced away so rapidly leaving
All those yesterdays turn to dust
While you grew up in front of us.
Thankfully, as the infinitesimally small
Photographic figure in this ultrasound shows, something
Of our hopes, dreams and love grows
Like fruit of the vine and nectar
Of God’s eternal sea of goodness and grace shining
Down on our humanity.
This evening when the sun sinks low
We’ll still be aglow with thoughts of you
No longer one but two
Hearts beating together
In rhyme and rhythm. Your mother and I
Could never be happier for you and this new found
Miracle we’ve been given.
I am an orphan to my mother’s life.
See I did not know she was not inside.
She raised me as a child and who I saw made her image live.
I now find that an inner being fulfilled her and that was her inner core.
I am fostered by the need to grow into a hero.
I knew if I did well, my mother would also.
Not ever did I foresee the strife that was there and plus, I thought it was not real.
The struggle she was in came from a greater existence.
Even when you see your world to be topsy-turvy
To fester negative thoughts is to find self-lost.
No one is there when going get tough and therefore, you may get in trouble.
Up against the wall, you swing out, only to find an empty space and a frustrated stance.
You know you are a woman then and not a man.
Why, you ask self.
However, no answer is given.
Your ticket was bought and what you thought was a way out of poverty.
Nevertheless, you looked and what you found was an index, your card of life and a projection to a lifestyle.
Yes, it is real.
Believe in self and live.
Mustering the strength, I found myself suspended in time.
Is it evident I have been here?
What I did not know is that there were many worlds and I was the little girl lost in them.
You know I will grow.
You know I will be my own hero.
If this is not for sure, then I will be numeral Uno.
I am the only one to be noble.
I watched you burn
in the blazing fire
I heard your screams
I saw your tears
I knew I should've done somthing
But maybe I didn't want to
I know I shouldn't think like this
But you had it coming
I enjoyed your face that was full of horrer
I acted as if I was heartbroken when the police came
They said it wasn't my fault
But how wrong they were
I started the fire
I was the one who watched my parents die
With absolute pleasure
I'm in a orphanage
But who cares
Those bastards are out of my life
And I made sure of that
I try to sleep
I try to forget them
But I am a child after all
They were my parents
And I...and I killed them
I'm cold blooded murderer
I try to do something
Except tell anyone
I may be a child but I'm not stupid
It's been years now
I still can't forget their faces
Their agonizing faces
I sometimes cry to myself
Thinking about it
No matter how many times I want to stop
I just can't
This guilt that I have brought apon myself
Will never leave
Even if I'm dead
It wont stop
Two years after the birth of my daughter a son was born to me. Three years had also gone
since my daughter's warts had vanished when my son turned five years of age and warts
began to spread all over his hands. I tried all the Traditional Medicines and herbs once
again. But when I looked into his big dark eyes that tried so hard not to cry I knew what had
to be done. My mind couldn't wrap around the improbabilities while my motivation spurred
me forward with my quest. Would The Spirit of The Healer Ms Agnes come to my aid once
Taking a deep breath I sat my son down and repeated the story I had told
his older sister just three years before. With his hands in mine I gently touched and
counted all the scaly knobs that I could find. When I was done reliving every detail his
where still in mine. As I opened mine to see his awestruck eyes I gave my sons hands a
gentle squeeze. Then I said "Maybe. Just maybe there's enough of the Spirit of The Healer
Ms Agnes left in there for you too.
On the fourth morning after that my son slept so late. Sleeping late was uncharacteristic
of him so I went to check that he was okay. When I pulled back the covers there they
were on the sheets. All of his warts fell off my sons precious hands during his sleep. My
shock and amazement left me with so many mixed emotions and questions. I was
speechless and I hugged my son in congratulations. As I left his sight I looked down at my
hands to see if my warts had returned. They had not.
It was ten years after the birth of my son when I gave birth to another beautiful child.
A daughter with blonde hair and eyes so blue. Of course, without surprise at the
age of five the warts began. This time I took no other action and knew first what to do. So
before she could even cry I sat my youngest one down and took her hands in mine. Closing
my eyes I touched and counted all the scaly knobs I could find. Then I re-enacted the story
of the Healer Ms Anges one more time.
When all was told and I opened mine to see my youngest ones awestruck eyes, I gave her
precious hands a gentle squeeze. And I said, "Maybe. Just Maybe there's enough of the Spirit
of The Healer Ms Agnes left in there for you too". On the fourth day after that I asked to
see my youngest one's hands. I knew deep inside before she stretched them out to me that
her warts were no longer there. I hugged her in congratulations and didn't check to see if my
warts had returned.
Cont'd in Part V
face, hands, feet.
She clothes herself now
in an adornment of white
as bitter fumes
seep beneath the door.
Her source is god.
Her destination is god.
She pleads with god now
As men mix and pour
Just outside her door.
Her sisters wail.
They bathe her lifeless arms
And shroud her
as Iris Albicans-
The imam, he stands,
As men convey her
From ashes to ashes
And dust to dust.
From ashes to ashes
And dust to dust.
I love my daughter
I really do
But why does she turn into a monster
when it just me and you
Since I was a child
An unspoken question
Has echoed in the hollow
Of my body
Carved by sorrow –
Where were you?
When your chubby baby boy
Climbed out of his crib and
Crawled into the cold bathroom
Where he ate Drano and
Burned himself with lye –
Where were you?
When your wily toddler
Pulled himself up onto the ledge
On the second floor and fell
Through the screened window
Down onto the bushes far below –
Where were you?
When your sensitive six year old
Sat crying on the seawall before
She slipped backwards and fell
Twenty feet to the rocky tidal beach
Landing in the lone sand patch –
Where were you?
When your eight year old son
Was hit in the head by a hammer
Thrown by his nine year old sister
Meant for a door, but catching him
Instead, blood flowing everywhere –
Where were you?
When your fourteen year old daughter
Confused by the subtle, yet loud
Familial messages on sex started
Sleeping with multiple men
And contracted a venereal disease –
Where were you?
When your oldest teenage daughter
Began riding off into the night
With guys on motor cycles
Coming home late and high on
Drugs and skipping school –
Where were you?
What I, your grown daughter, now know
Is that lost in the oblivion
Of your own pain and confusion
You left us in the care of a string
Of strangers because you loved us.
You were there for us
As much as you were able –
At the end of each crisis
Bringing us back
From the brink of destruction.
We, your children, survived,
And became strong
On the undercurrent
Of your love that I now know
Was always there.
She stands there,
as the khols
If money had afforded,
they would have found the
A crumpled woman,
Now she is the tortois
from the milky sap
Her worth measured
A marriage worth
a decade of work.
Her eyebrows lower.
Her lips pout.
Gazing off into
some far distance,
She lifts her axe.
She sweeps her arms.
She holds her head high.
Her eyes twinkle
and she is free.
Shaking her finger,
and takes up
her baby in her arms.
She strikes the floor
right to left
and slides them
Lifting her finger
from left to right.
above her head.
A needle stick.
She falls to the ground
A single word,
that’s all I said.
A mean, hostile word
that I spoke to you.
Why all the crying?
What’s the fuss about?
Just how much damage
can one word do?
A single word,
one word too many.
An uncalled for attack
you can’t have expected.
I really am sorry,
but I can’t take it back.
I just hope your trust
can be resurrected.
A princess in a ballroom
Is every girls dream
Playing it over in our heads,
detailing the scene
A prince at our side
Determined to swoon
Confessing your the most perfect
one in the room
This is what's expected
Until we grow up
And find our dream has decided to
Decided to change course
Causing more ache
Now we can't breathe without being
plunged with a stake
Or being rejected
Our only other option
Forsaking the world or choosing
Most choose the latter
Loosing there virtue
And cling instead on what guys
believe are true
Like "You're bangable that's for
But certainly not what I would date
For girls are nothing more than
An appetizer on our plate"
And instead of disagreeing with their
Setting out to prove it false
We believe these lies and comprise
Decide to be used up, then tossed
But at what cost?
Is it really so wrong?
Just following the pattern of
american love songs
Craving to feel loved from this pitiful
Just to follow and become an
ordinary teenage girl
Now feeling alive and fresh in my
Not focused on how guilty I feel
Could it really be sin?
But its so fun
Pursuing the guy till you find out
Until the job is done
And you watch him leave
Now aware you stitched your heart
on your sleeve
And he's tore it off
Threw it in the dust
Tell me world, is this pain a must
Can it be fixed?
No it's too late
Might as give myself to the next
Now i'm stuck in the cycle
Caught in the mold
But too scared to step out, not
daring to be bold
Now my heart is cold
Thy soul is stone
Going from guy to guy yet feeling
Following the lie
This is the only type I catch
Besides, there's no such thing as a
God destined match
Simple friend with benefits
But no one benefits
Following the status quo
Just tell him no!
since eight long years I sense her closeness
her moving presence has revealed
eternal affectionate fondness safely sealed
I wear my invisible necklace
with passion and melancholy
a lot of gratitude and utmost dignity
the times string the beads and the jewels
precious and tangible objects
heartwarming comfort with such intimate effects
© Ellie Daphne
A Day with My Daughter
That day dawns as her smiling face
With her, I am going to spend a day
She asked me to come and meet her
Yes she will be with me for hours together
With an evergreen smile ,She came as an angel
In her childish face I lost my self
She called me with love “Ppaa”
Though my qualifications are more to write
Before her sweet voice I am an innocent kid
She talked a lot all over the way
I received nothing except a lot of gay
I learned a lot from her ,……………………..
I may be her father and my age may be in fifty
I want to be her friend in this world
Who hasn’t heard of the Nigerian Letter or the Australian Lottery won?
So what about you’re kids in college… what for them is going on?
My son found a job posted on the University’s Nursing jobs bulletin Board.
Apparently several students applied to take care of an old man coming into town.
They were each approved separately, and then sent a check…
Plus a list of nursing supplies and a wheel chair they had to pay for and pick up.
Apparently, the place to work with had already been set up.
Once everything was paid for, they were ready for the job.
Instead all they got was their accounts cleaned out.
And the Nursing supplies were another part of the scam, my dear.
In the end the money they had was gone with everything saved from the student loans.
Now the problem was made and you know what? Guess who didn’t care?
The police, University, and bank said it happens all the time.
Of course they turned away saying it wasn’t their concern.
The bank told my son he owed $3400 more, even through he was the victim of the fraud.
The Banks fraud department yawned and said they wouldn’t look into what was done.
In fact, they were sending his accounts into collections to attack him even more.
Slough it off, and attack the victim, and of course none of them would do their work.
Mail fraud, money fraud, and con men involved… across state lines meant nothing at all.
Attacking the victim is not where the Banks, police, and university belong.
So let me tell you The States’ Attorney General is the next on the list.
The Attorney General and the Federal Government is where to go, my friend.
Don’t give up on the internet, there are help groups there, that abound.
Tell your children of the game… to keep them far away.
The bank wants my son’s next student loan money for collections on the debt…
And he will have to work full time at minimum wage to survive.
You might say everything at the moment… is truly upside down.
But we will fight unendingly… to straighten everyone out…
What a Christmas job deal breaker… and what a way to find out…
A providential miracle,
she captivated me
an innocence and
of such sublime quality
that I instantly knew
only God could create
such an extraordinary wonder.
I felt like a child
with his first pet
when I saw her
and I was drawn to her
like a magnet of love
that bonded and sealed
I was compelled to
cuddle this creative
miracle and marvel at
From that moment on
she would forever be
the special entity
I called “precious pet.”
When her sister arrived
I was beside myself
Immersed in gratitude
and drenched in joy
I could hardly fathom
my good fortune..
Sweet as sugar
and cuddly like a bear,
she possessed a sparkle and
spirit that defined fun
and spelled felicity.
From that very instant
she would forever be
my precious –
Like a trophy case
with twin Oscars
these sibling darlings
would grow in to my
They were and remain
inestimable female prizes
that would make any dad
beam with pride
and proudly proclaim -
“that’s my daughter!”
i light no lamp
i go by ache
the song of your hunger
to your humid nest my hands
curl under your arms and lift
it's instinct this gift
i give you at night
i know you
smell you when i can't see you
buttons to unfasten
it's hard to work my fingers
and juggle you
but soon i fold you
in the crook of my arm
these pouches of stone
four hours without you
look what it does
you seek me
blindly rooting for the source
it is there
i melt and gush
you choke break cough
gurgling to your belly
milk splatters your face and fuzzy scalp
milk sweet and warm such
plenty to grow on
i nuzzle your head
and rock the chair
slip my hand
under your gown
your miniature toes
little peach little plum
i cannot imagine you
I am not god.
So I cannot see everything you claim to do,
all that ails you, all the work you do.
I can only hope you do it.
I am not god.
I cannot read your mind, if you wish for something
sometimes you’ll just have to ask,
I can only hope you will.
I am not god.
So I ask you please stop expecting perfection of me.
I can’t always change the world, but I see the beauty in the filth.
I can only hope you try to.
I am not god.
I am not you either father. I cannot and do not see,
think, or act like you, or how you wish. I am me.
I can only hope you get that.
Send em to war
Send they love
Send they worries
Send they hearts
Send them away to never come back
Families left behind
Little lilly misses her father
She has a dream
Daddy's pushin a swing
Ma? When does daddy come home?
The curtain closes
Daddys gone baby girl
How could this be?
Ma stop crying
Ma, who is going to teach me....
Come on lilly, the birds are singin
Daddy was a toy soldier
Whats a toy soldier ma?
In time baby girl, in time
Hope was crushed
by pregnant dreams
Her... faith forgotten
or so it seemed...
Struggles went unknown
Pain bred unseen
Her... heart beat alone
LOVEs hurt SCREAMS
Gates of HEAVEN opened
ESSENCE flowed through
HER frail life now full
everlasting LOVE ensued
~ I wrote this for my sister Love who is a single mother. Her daughters names are Heaven and Essence. ~
I won first place in the school oratorical contest.
I still remember I got to say my poem in front of the whole school and they gave me a medal
I felt good - proud that I was first.
He never told me.
Where is his medal?
When I found out I told everyone and waited for the parade to begin
My mother, my sister, my best friend . . .
Mother (who made much ado over my medal) said,
“Oh, really? I’m not surprised. Do you know he left bread crumbs all over the floor yesterday?
Didn’t even clean them up!” I was confused.
Do icons have to clean up breadcrumbs?
He never told me.
“We just dug a lot of trenches for the ammo dump.”
This his testimony - the Marines kept him safe just for me.
He tossed out names like Guam and Guadalcanal
as he picked up his lunch box to go to work
yet gave silence to race-based time wasted in ditches.
He never told me.
He did tell me about friendly fire
from White boys standing above them while they dug but
White men are always shooting at Black men . . .
So I thought little of it.
He taught me to sing
from the Halls of Mon-te-zu-uma to the shores of Trip-po-lee . . .
never said that he was first to sing it.
Said, “We trained at Camp LeJune.” But never mentioned Montford Point
He said he snuck in - really too young to be there
Told me as he tied his shoe
“I wanted to choose the Corps so I just volunteered. I was a proud marine.”
Years later when I had lived enough to navigate the ocean
between Camp LeJune and Montford Point
I asked - wanting to know what it felt like to be first . . .
“Dad, Do you know what you did? You never told me.”
Though struggling to share memories clogged by clouds of time he simply chuckled.
“Yep, we were some of the first but I just didn’t think nothin’ about it.
Was just one of those things.”
Just one of those things . . .
One of those things like
Coming North in the migration, teaching yourself a new trade, and starting a business?
The one you ran for 47 years with only an eighth grade education.
Now I get it.
True firsts often miss out on medals and parades
but don’t expect them.
They are those who come before us
as living machetes - carving our way in silence
teaching us what it truly means to be first.
A lesson easily overlooked as we wiggle with impatience in our snow pants
while they bundle us up for the cold
and put on our mittens.
Our Love (written in the style of spoken word)
My world eclipsed itself in the shadow of your moon
In the fading of your breath, the gasp of your final death
blacked out to me was the image of your last re-birth
Visions of your glory blind to my infantile sight
I cried out to God "take me lord, for to take my light
is to leave me unto darkness."
Crippled and shamed I crawled to my side
and wept to feel the fingers of your memory
sweep my hair from my cheek
As a child I raged that all he left of you for me
was the ghost of a life losing vitality in time
The world was numb but for the pain
and I rolled in the evanescence of it
wrapped like a proud shawl of mourning
that in this right I would sacrifice
and pay dignitary to what I failed you in
If I could have died, I would have born your stripes
I would have carried your cross
and welcomed the nails home
that all I could have of you
was the agony
of your leaving...
My Mother I felt your tears too
as I felt in them in your fading
I felt the trails of your sorrow
as you wept for your baby
Just as your comforts were
love and despair in one
(for how could I know your life lived in me)
your regrets were mine misery
then my comprehension of a Mothers love was foriegn.
Your presence drove me mad
Your death erased my dreams
and your life fed my memories.
Some where the blackness of years
numbned-greyed and I breathed
Some where in a moment I could not name
your presence gave me stregnth as I accepted
the world I now lived
But the majic of the moon faded,
the faith you gave me staled
the world spun because God commanded
but my heart beat because you breathed it
God is a jealous God, I whispered
Is my loss my punishment for loveing her the more?
The tears trickled to moisture and days cycled into years
and I listened to your whisper, feather kisses
tucking me to sleep, some where in the depths
of the self I did not know, you loved, you prayed
You wept for my loss and yours, but you loved
you held me at night when I longed for you
you cheered for my each new step
and when I first held my son I heard in my heart your first words to me
" My baby, My Baby'
so then I understood and gave them to him
In learning this new love of my life I began to understand
not your death, but your life, your love, and why you still
hold me and miss me as I miss you
but I hear you, I hear him
and I see my son I thank you both
All the tender words
All around the world
I have gathered for you
All the gentle words
All over the planet
I have chosen for you
I have to be brave
And let you go one day
I know I will be lonely
I must be brave
And let you fly away
Although you are my and only
I pulled the handle, Just playing for fun,
But soon became fixated on the excitement it brung
Little did I know, It was the beginning of the end
My addictive passion was playing to win
The flashing lights and arousing sounds
Winning or losing I was completely bound
Amongst myself and the other strays
Just one more time became a common phrase
My wallet grew empty, My bank account cleaned
Temptation had taken it's toll on me
I was Late for work, And some days I called off
I had written bad checks, Just to cover up my loss
No money for the rent, bills or for food
Everything was gone, Gone far too soon
I some how found the strength to get up and leave
But not before I had lost, Lost everything
Now I am left with a half empty tank, No food at home
And no money in the bank
Driving down the freeway, With many thoughts in mind
What kind of person would do this, What kind of person am I
Tears are streaming down my face, Why do I keep making the same mistake
One day my Mom discovered what I'd been hiding inside
When it came time to buy groceries and my pocketbook was dry
I cried my heart out and pleaded for help
She gave me her love, warmth and support
We worked through the motions, I cried so many tears
Because every time I turned around, The urges reappeared
I was so weak, So she offered her strength
She became the payee, Of the bills and the rent
I gave over my money, Each paycheck I earned
And chucked it all up to a hard lesson learned
It's been a few years, Since I've lived in that life
I'm thankful to God, For a Mother so wise
So loving and gentle, Strong and so true
She's part of the reason, I started OVER brand new
The other reason I chose for turning over a new leaf
I realized nothing was more important, Than my daughter who needed me
It took my Mom giving me so much inspiration and support-Loving me and guiding me, showing
me what I was doing, and me feeling the aftermath of needing necessities and my daughter
wanting me to take her places and buy her things and I was broke because I had gambled it
all away- Harsh reality- I couldn't bare to see the disappointment in her eyes once
more-she is my whole world, I wanted to do so much for her.I couldn't when I was weak-but
little by little I found strength..I realized my worth-We all make mistakes but I have
learned from mine. It wasn't easy but besides my daughter and my mom-The most amazing
support I have is My Lord Jesus Christ- I am stronger now more than I ever was-Now my
daughter is spoiled!
all her things she saved
for us are flung out and
flying all about.............
every counter is full and
ever shelf is crammed.
has a story to tell
i have found a diary for a
pages telling how she lived
she writes how much
she loves my sister and
she cries out how she misses
she writes of her
love of her grandchildren
tomorrows are all about
what made her
she writes from her
and my mind breaks
i am so thankful
she left me her
to care for......
i can let her go now...
...."mama go rest"
"never did i know what a comfort
a pillow where she lay her head
would be for me......"
From the moment I was born,
You never let me go.
As I grew older,
You always held my hand.
The moments flow by us.
Like fish in a river.
Every second that passes by.
We grow closer.
I know there were times of giving up,
That you almost had.
But you kept trudging through.
Through the sun and the rain,
The snow and the sleet.
My hand was always held.
You never let me go.
APPRECIATION (In Honour of PD)
May 21st, 2013
How many times have I caught you unaware daughter
Held you’re steady gaze beneath the blatant sun
O’er cup’s of Tim’s and homemade sandwiches to go
So many things I longed to say, did I let it show?
Those delicate hands that busy all the time
With things untouched by mind, you rarely slow,
Yet in a sturdy hour of companionship, you let me know
What precipitates you’re mind…
You’re as beautiful and fertile as the fresh green grass of home
A fiction writer with a truthful cause, Oh! Such stories you weave!
As you kiss the mind and heart of me;
You have fine honed the art of imagination “A La Carte”
Yet if I were to give you kind advice, that’s not a mere reproach
I’d say pick up you’re skirt my daughter, dance my love,
For time is short, when deeds are done, we’re no wiser so have fun.
We need to learn to play, like when we were young, each day
Go sway Di, Sway, and stay in mainstream,
Your loving mom, Vie xxx
September 27, 2014
Amid a star ferried night
Love's tears came falling
Into your beautiful eyes
Their dreams were calling
Through whispering tides
A heart left drifting
As I stood by your side
The pain was melting...
Her moon cast its glow
Hopeful choirs bringing
Joy to sweep this night
Heavens Angels singing
While I stood by your side
These tears left falling
Unto tides that wash away
Yesterdays pain; yet still
Drifting afore love's moon
Cast her light; dreams...
Calling upon a star ferried
Night, as heart's were melting.
items in my container of memories
playbill for "Les Miserables" that Dad enjoyed
reminder of ignoble government
Jean ValJean’s quest for justice
fugitive from the merciless Javert
outdated cell phone that’s priceless
forever I’ll carry it; this cannot be lost
inbox carries my father’s last message to me
“Happy New Year, Baby,” were his words
just 30 minutes before his fatal stroke
publication of Dad’s obituary
green light for thieves to trash his house
tearfully driving 250 miles, hoping to erase their indignity
televisions, heirlooms and appliances stolen
but Dad’s desk held items of greater value
many awards for the Senior Olympics five-mile race
pencil my CPA father chewed and broke
dreaded bifocals that caused Dad consternation
the only items thieves left behind
were those that brought Dad closer to me
*Written October 1, 2014
I know that when you are young your supposed to want to cling to your parents
but when I was young all I wanted to do was be independent.
I didn't want to hold my mother's hands. I'd pull them away everytime she tried.
Whether is was to cross the street or simply be mother and daughter togther.
I didn't let her. Access was denied.
It's funny because now that I'm 21, All I want to do is reach out for my mother's
hands but I'm grown now.
So I don't get hugged anymore.
I don't get the offer to hold her hands anymore.
This time I would take it eagerly.
Because I now know life doesn't give many second chances.
My mother loves me of course. She shows it in other ways now.
I crave that physical touch more than anything else...
I get excited off of HUGS, AND Weak knees off of KISSES.
And SEX to me is two passionate souls diving into
each others bodies and colliding.
You’re another day older
The world’s much colder
It’s not your fault
They were taken
Don’t blame yourself
for God’s mistake
Her beauty reflects your own
Her life reflects your future
Chasing rabbits will get you there faster
Loss of faith will bring you there faster
The ball drops
It’s clever to see
What happens to us
And here we are
Take the evil out of this
She’s stronger and always,
Didn’t speak to a single family member today
Don’t know what I expected anyway
For as long as I can remember it’s been this way
But each year passes and for a miracle I pray
I watched in envy as my associates and friends
Discuss holiday preparations and weekend plans
They speak of all the holiday cheer
And all the family members they hold dear
All this talk of love and tradition
I find myself constantly wishing
For a family bond with no submissions
And for love without conditions
As for my family I’m willing to bet
Each one is home alone or watching the TV set
Thinking of each other and feeling regret
Afraid to call for fear of becoming upset
Maybe I’m just feeling guilty
Wishing for something that will never be
At least not with my immediate family
So my wish tonight is for my babies
My Christmas wish is that our bond be strong
That they know I am here for them even when they are wrong
That they always feel in my heart they belong
And my love for them is forever strong
Dropped out of school
At an early age
Lived on the streets
Because, I disgusted my mother
She thought I was a poor example
Of true Christian beliefs
At an early age
She religiously drummed into me
‘blood is thicker than water’
Here I am today confused, lonely and hungry
No one protecting me
No home to go too
Just, peoples eye for an eye,
tooth for a tooth mentality
Praying for the sun to shine
To feel some warmth again!
Sun rays of hope, lighting me up
To live through this darkness without fear
With a heart full of faith
No matter what happens to me, now!
If only I could drink my salty tears
It would sustain me for a lifetime
Your tears are worth nothing, around here
You’re classed as weak and venerable
Only attracting death
Your life worth nothing!
Save me from myself
I am my best friend
I am my worst enemy
My prayers and dreams
Lost in the wind
Blowing around like autumn leaves
The rain washing them away
Down the drain into the sewage
Rolling with the seasons
Year after year
Survival for the fittest!
Surviving on the love
Hidden, inside me
Being my strength and guide
My personal lifeline
In surviving this crazy world
We all live in
With her hair in tangles, her body bruised, her clothes torn. . .
Her virginity is gone.
A single tear is drawn
and slowly it falls. . .
and slowly it falls. . .
and slowly it falls. . .
As it's journey ends, her eyelids close.
And as she sits in the cold, black, darkness of the night,
she opens her eyes and mascara lines her grief strickin life.
Her hair in tangles, her body bruised, her clothes torn. . .
Her virginity gone.
She slowly slides the black stockings over her thin, boney legs.
What has happened is done and what is done is never to be erased.
For the memory will be forever embeded in her brain.
She never thought such a crule act would be brought upone her. . .
But it was, and it ended up being a tornado of broken.
He's the product of a ladies man
He knows how to take command
Grab her hand
Livening up those strolls throuigh the sand
And for you he will speak to the sea in a voice so deep
It could lull troy to sleep
Although nothing will become of it you"ll love it
Since he did it for you in public
And now your defenceless
To his sexual advances to his advantage
He's not a player but a slayer
Wants her body for unmusical chairs
So young ladies stay youthful be aware
More wolves than sheep and they bleachin all they hair
This beast that roams these unleveled streets
Has many names like hidden grief
Or he who eats but wont provide meat
The one who sleeps like born without feet
The passive addict with an aggressive come down
Your babies baggage that dont never come around
Mr no benefits and no working background
Or Mr she's headed east He's tryin to meet her westbound
He's that monster that would even ponder,
having her introduce her lil sister to the corner
So I emplore you be stronger, live longer,
and be a alterior motives conqueror
What can I render to the Lord for all His gifts to me
He who took MY SINS
His abounding Mercy
His fathomless love
His total commitment to my salvation
To my wholeness
To my welfare
To my emotional stability
To giving me eternal life
He gave a pure white robe to cover me with HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS
Because of Jesus-I now know Him as an adoring Father.
A Brother who will always walk so close I feel His presence and who always watches over me.
A mother whose words and affections surround me daily with care like a Mother hen
What can I render to the Lord who took my pain
Who in His own body was wounded and bore the sorrows and my grief I was to going through and the mistakes and the sin ready at every moment to try and trick me out through my life-time-
He sent His WORD- His LIGHT to enlighten my darkness and show me clearly the road I should take-(Proverbs: chapters 1to 9)
Yes YOU were always ready to defend me, a helpless orphan- for without YOU as my Dad and as my mother- I was abandoned to this world-
But Now I can cry with all my heart- ABBA FATHER I love you - But YOU say
LOVE Y MORE
What can I render to the LORD- MY God- whose precious pure blood was spilt to bear the sins of all our humanity- I will take ‘the cup’ of Your salvation and honor your name with my life- For only your pure blood is worthy to pay for all sin-I will confess your name before the world for which you died to save -and I will call upon your HOLY name - for your name alone is WORTHY- JESUS.
© Brenda V Northeast 28th January 2012
Scream and kick against the boundaries
Fling your weight against the foes
Take the day into your hand and memories
Float across the sky on gentle breeze
Pure as a snow angel's powdery wig
Tomorrow calm and dignity
Kept in check across a lifetime
Righteousness claims my honor
Do for the aged against their will
It is needful, necessary and right
***When disease makes self care and medical care against what a person can safely handle....Do we take their rights and give them care outside of their home?
Notably against their will....sad to have the burden of parenting your parents.
I remember you Like a free bird rising on golden wings Glowing with the radiance of youth Not yet ready for womanhood But taking the leap anyway As if you knew what lay ahead And couldn't wait to go I remember You Blossoming all at once like Springtime Tossing your hair over one shoulder Defiant as love against the odds Even now these many years later after college and Vet Nam After marriage and fatherhood After all my pride and prejudice MY agonies and ecstasy's I remember you
Your mother is a button,
she holds everything together
Whenever you need her,
she offers her shoulder
Your mother is but an angel,
who flies across your sky,
you always ask why
Your mother gets no sleep,
you've seen her weep,
from time to time
She is a special woman,
Your mother is planted in your heart,
the same way a flower is planted,
in the soil
She is the glue that sticks everyone together
After a rainy day,
Your mother is the rainbow across the sky,
everyone is amazed by her beauty,
She comes by surprise,
after you let out a cry
Your mother is a map,
She points you in the right direction,
but leaves you to figure the rest out
The way she looks at you,
compares to no one else
Your mother is a sandwhich,
She fills you with joy,
she feeds your hunger for love,
Your mother will always be a sidewalk,
the safe path,
She is the only pathway,
you can rely on
"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one.
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed.
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent.
A meager thought
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows,
Lazy summer days
Pigtails, French braids
Long silky hair blowing
In the wind
Days forever gone
Tears well up in my eyes
And I long once again
To hold her close
To see her smile
To hear her laughter
Tinkle like rain
Lord, shower down from heaven
Encouraging words of
Together we will be
In that glorious place
A world without pain
Hearts completely healed
Memories of yesterday
Live on today
Hope of a tomorrow
Full of promise
You waited to die
Until my brothers and I could stand
Beside your bed, the killer within silently,
slowly devouring all that had been you.
Michael, the youngest, so like you--
His face a mirror of your own,
The gruff farmer, fisherman, hunter, father
Who took you for one last spin in your Lonestar boat--
Took your hand in his,
reaching between bottles and IV tubes
And told stories.
Michael kept the laughter
In his voice, refusing the tears
That lapped in waves against the room.
His stories echoed the memories in your eyes.
He told hunting stories--
Remember the turkeys--two with one barrel of shot.
Another year--two deer--one behind the other
For the price of one bullet.
He told fishing stories--
Catching fish that couldn't be caught,
A thousand things thought impossible.
I guess you didn't know
Since you did them anyway.
You did everything in duplicate
Dual systems in your boat,
Two of each nut tree in the yard,
Backup switches here and there,
Double outlets and backup lights.
You were good at getting two
For the price of one.
I wonder if you knew
How much Mike resembled you.
He could not wear the suit you left behind,
A perfect fit though made for you.
Michael looked in the mirror,
Wearing your suit. The image in the mirror was you
A double so perfect that Mike didn't know himself.
But we don't need the suit to look at him and see you.
We're glad you did everything
(Prov. 22: 6 / Heb. 5: 14 / Deut. 6: 6-9 / 2 Tim. 3: 13-15, 16 / Matt. 19: 13, 14)
- cont. - from Part 1
And The Same Can Be Said
Of A Young Child’s Impressionable Mind
It Needs To Be Nurtured At Home
Or It Will Eat Every Junk & Stuff They Find
And You Can’t Let A Child
Follow Its Every Whim …
No Matter How Brilliant or Smart
Dumb Things Will Make Them Dim
But Parents Try To Remember
Just When You Were Young …
Didn’t You Just Want To Act Stupid
And Have Some Friends & Fun?
Every Child Needs To Know
What & Who They Can Trust …
This Is More Important Than That Job
& Making Big Bucks
Every Child Needs Guidance
Even If Parents Are Just Guessing
But There Is A Book of Instructions
To Keep Parents & Child From Stressing
(2 Tim. 3: 15, 16)
It Is A Compass & A Map
& Its Like Reading A Diary of Confessions
Where Both Parents & Children
Can Learn About Real Life Lessons
(Matt. 4: 4 / Matt. 19: 13, 14)
And We Need To Start Training Them Young
From The Crib & From The Womb
Give ‘Em Plenty Space & Privacy
But Know What’s Going On In That Room!
‘Cause Newsflash! … Now Hear This
When Children Get Wrong Ideas or Tears
It’s Up To Loving Parents & Families
To Steer Them Free & Clear
Yes, Newsflash! … Now Know This
Children Don’t Know Nuthin’!
It’s Up To Responsible Adults
To ‘Try’ & Teach Them Somethin’ …
Their Bright Little Eyes & Minds
Are Looking To Us For Advice
And We Have To Watch Their Little Heads
So They Don’t Get Infected With Lice!
Yes, Their Bright Eyes & Minds
Are Looking To Us For Advice
& There Is Not Enough or Too Much Time
That We Could Sacrifice
And Without The Rod of Discipline
Whether Spanking or Time Out On The Floor
Loving Communication Is What Keeps Them
From Being Spoiled & Rotted To The Core
Look – Grandmamma Used To Tell Me
“If Everybody Is Sticking Their Head In The Fire
And They Tell You It Won’t Hurt …
You Tell ‘Em ‘You’re A Liar!’”
Listen, We All Can See That This World
Is Going To You Know Where In A Hand-Basket
But You Don’t Have To Let Them Group You & Yours
Into That Casket …
And When A Child Wants To Eat Candy
‘Cause It Tastes Good – All Day Long!
When You Tell Them “No!”
Listen … You Ain’t Wrong!
Written & ©: 7/16/2013
By: The MoonBee
Bob. He is passive.
He is not aggressive
in any way, shape, or form
When he gets home
all the slights of the day
coalesce into a critical mass
Little Bobby Junior.
He doesn't cry anymore.
He has learned to survive
is away at
My name is Celia,
I am his little sister,
and I bawl like a baby
That is why I am hiding.
Am I under the bed?
No Daddy keep searching.
Look in the closet.
Ha! Fooled you again.
Wherever could I be?
you shouldn't look downstairs.
don't look in the kitchen.
Don't open the Pantry.
Daddy found Me.
Now it is my turn.
I hide my eyes
One, Two, Three, Four
Please, Daddy, can I
have some more?
Five, Six, Seven, Eight
Watch Daddy, I can
bear my fate.
Nine and Ten
Woman who are you?
I am a priceless treasure
That cannot be brought, bribe or used
I am created in my father’s image
I am God’s most prize possession
When God looks at me
He see’s himself
I am Gem
I am worth millions
I am beautiful
I am unique
I am rare
Out of all God’s creatures
I am special.
Woman, who are you?
I am God’s child
I am loved
I am worthy to be kept
I am worthy to be held
In my father’s house
There is no other treasure like me
I am stunning
I am gorgeous
I am enough
When my father made me
He made me strong
Wise, capable, kind and responsible
In my hands he gave me the power to change the world
I am fruitful
I am truly bless
Who am I?
I am God’s daughter
I am woman
I am adored.
You are the sunshine
On a cold day
That warms my skin
And makes me smile
You are the starlight
On a dark night
That shines through
And guides me
You are the trees
On a depressing day
That soothes my soul
And holds me tight
You are my mother
On every day
That loves me
And cares about me
I am your daughter
For the rest of my life
Who will always love you
And always follow your lead
I am a dark day
I am a starless night
I am a dying tree
You hold me together
You help me through
And you guide me
You are there
When I need you
When I yell at you
When I push you away
You will always be there
And I will always be here
Forever and ever
With all the love and care
my bones ache
when I look at you
see you laughing
or see you with your
beautiful neck turned awkward
and the veins pulse
as you sleep
it takes me back
to think you grew
inside me so perfect
my best accomplishment
I gasp as you
read to me
your voice bouncy
makes me beam
my chest fills so
full with pride
that it aches in the middle
where my ribs meet
and the small gestures
that define you
or that head strong snarl
the need for space
that i recognize
or the way you ponder
the this and that
make my bones ache
when i look at you
She looked at him with unsullied wide eyes blue
She’d never loved or would a man so much, so long.
She trusted him. He loved her and he was her world. And she his.
She knew no other man nor men knew her and all was pure, as she was too.
She just knew him, his healing word his gentle kiss his soft brief touch and all he had
he gave, and all she took and wanted more, for all was safe in those, his guarding arms.
She loved to laugh and he did too in those the days when she felt small
She thought he was a force at times not man, but just for her and to her all his love he gave.
She shone to him, the life he’d made. Now she gave him love for life, her gift to him
She was his life and would give his for her, should shadow cross their path.
She never thought that he’d do bad or break her trust or worse her heart
She could not know that life is hard or that man is flawed for all his will.
She would know but not today, today or now, tomorrow holds its secret sorrows still for her.
She holds his hand as on they go, the sunshine's bright on wide eyes blue, the girl, her
dad, as one. For now.
From my chair I gaze upon her
Just across the room sits
A pink scarfed girl
One I’ve seen many times before
Her mouth moves… gracefully
And ever so much
I watch in loving wonder
Intrigued by what she wonders
Beneath the cotton draped layers
Of her knitted accessory
As her eyes join mine once more
And pierce my reality
Filling it with schoolgirl imagery
She twirls the frayed ends
Of her knitted accessory
With careless innocence
As she speaks to the monkey
On her finger and then to me
Freeing me from the bounds
Of my reality
From the limitations
Of a lost imagination
Rain falling to the ground
Silent whispers all around
Pitter patter, pitter patter
Rain is falling all around
Warm and toasty by the fire
Sipping cocoa on the floor
Crickel crack, crickel crack
Cuddled next to the fire
Is the mother and her daughter
Crash BOOM lighting strikes
The girl is counting,
As her mother holds her tight
Soon the storm will pass
The sun will break the morning sky
Sleeping quietly next to burned out ashes
The mother and her Daughter
Cordelia is dead
King,this blood is hers
like red wine soothes your
dad. love is unspoken
the wise king
the wandering madness
in storm, trees crash
Curse the wind
Curse the wind
who loves you the best?
the fool? the clown? the filial death?
do you want so say anything
Cordelia, in your favor?
I curse you Cordelia
I curse you winds
I curse you Goneril
I curse you Regan
I curse the world
"Nothing, my Lord"
East Jesus - Poetry Contest
Sponsor Roy Jerden
Poet: Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
Composed on 4th December,2014
The World in its most esteemed value is nothing without people,
A Nation is as great as its people,
A City is recognized by others for its people,
A Community is only the people of families which builds or destroys,
Or so it should be as in a home.
Therefore people are the most valuable in the whole world,
People are the families of homes which canter and cater to all likenesses...
All people are the building blocks, cornerstones and destruction
Of the nations which makeup the World.
The World is void without people and the true value of life is people....
Soon the bell will ring.
Asleep, your warmth is still the same
An echo of strength still resides in your arms,
Wrapped around me they Instinctively protect me,
‘though later they’ll hold for a steady hand.
Lying here reminds me, of when I’d scurry to lay
and listen to your sturdy voice bring alive Dreamland.
You’d bush my still wet hair, tickle me to bed,
scare away monsters, and kiss my cheek all in one sweep.
In half an hour, when the bell rings,
You’ll roll away as my day begins,
And I’ll lay out your shoes, socks,
Clean underwear, and gown.
The next appointment is in half an hour,
And after that I’ll lay you down.
Time is running out,
I feel the urgency.
Wheeled in from the cold,
wearing layers of winter clothes,
her aging daughter brings
her to a table close to the door.
The years on her face
are apparent by the loose skin
drooping from her cheekbones,
eyes sinking into her face as her
eyelids spill over into her line of sight.
The sparce wisps of white hair
on the sides of her head
stick out a little like that of a clown,
the top of her head more or less bald.
She reaches for the coffee
her daughter brought to the table,
and holds the mug with both hands,
bringing it slowly to her lips.
At first glance,
her obvious vulnerability
brought tears to my eyes....
But then something made her laugh,
and the smile on her face
was all I could see now.
I didn't see old age anymore,
I didn't see vulnerability,
I only saw a mom and her daughter
drinking coffee and laughing about something
I would never know.
I turned back to my own coffee
and smiled as I raised the cup to my lips.
Im trying to be perfect.
Im trying to make you happy.
But no matter what i do.
Im just not perfect enough for
We argue EVERYDAY,
i cry EVERYDAY,
we cant go ONE day without an
I wish we could.
You used to be my hero,
Did you know that?
Now your just a zero.
I cant talk to you.
Dont you understand?
everytime i try,
to talk to you, we get in an
i cant take it another day,
i thought it was reationships
pulling me apart.
But i was wrong,
Your making me loose hope,
Your makine me not feel,
Now, you dont even trust me,
That made me loose even more
respect for you,
How could you say that?
I can be trusted!
Your my mother!
You should ALWAYS trust me!
But i guess im wrong,
im sorry ill never be perfect for
''Are you my daddy'' the little child cried.
''No I'm your uncle'' the grown up replied,
''Are you going to stay, or go away like my uncles always do?''
'' I love your mummy I'll stay I promise you I'll do''.
'' Everyone loves my mummy,'' the child says with a sigh.
''Will you take me to MacDonald's and buy me a toy and take me for a ride?''
''Yes I promise, but I maybe away for a while''.
''Are you my Daddy'' the little child cried,
''No I'm your uncle'', the grown up replied,
''Are you going away like all my uncles do?''.............................................
Peter Dome. copyright.2012.
You are not the man, you want to be
You said you were my Father, till, I discovered different
Enduring, daily beatings
Bashing the living day lights, out of a woman and a child
Repetitive, bad ass attitude, nasty streak
Mean and aggressive!
Fists, knives and guns, your weapons of chose
Out of control, abusive, devious
Relentless, over – bearing!
Breaking me, piece by piece
Confusing a child, with unhealthy love
Hand fed your bullshit, brain washed
Using me as your human, punching bag
This innocent child’s blood, staining your callas hands
My child’s curiosity, asking you one day
“Why do you hurt me and Mum?”
Your retort: “I am not your blood!”
I didn't understand, back then
Now, as an adult, I clearly understand!
Believe me, when I say
There was never a day that went past
That you didn't remind me of that!
My freedom, restrained
My sanity, tested
Caged, like a wild bird in captivity
Behind bars, looking out
Here, I am today, free from your grip
Nursing, this inner child’s, bleeding love
Reach for my hand.
Distance between I can't understand?
Whisper words of wisdom.
Thus not to shove away.
Still waiting on your reason,you would never say....
''I am what is left''...Love only what I am.
Father for his daughter.
Can you do this please?
No need to run,no need to freeze.
Love me as I deserve.
Daddys' little girl.
Make me your world.
Eyes of my own.
You are all I have ever known.
If you were came back ...
to know what the bee's told you;
to drink your voice the"blossom honey"
to adore my life!
To hear what sun's told you;
to take off my heartbreak
And to adore my dawn!
If I know the secret of your cloak,
so with it (after God) 'll pave my way!
Enervated little child
could not guess from her tender mind
about where has she gone?
She wonders and looked around
later there was a continues cry
looking at the dad.
Poor dad didn’t utter a word
but pat tenderly on her back
How can he explain the real mystery?
Mum has depart from the little family having a divorce
Before that there was unaffordable patience
Suspicions, quarrels, disagreements and arguments
Can she realize the dissension between them?
Little one cried for want of mum
Dad exhausted, and put a glance at the couple of sun birds
making a melodious note
Resting on a fully blossomed branch of hibiscus bush
He murmured affectingly to the baby
in a perceptive manner
Look! Nice little birds… calling you,
Would you like to go their nest?
It is beautiful, neat, and peaceful,
Ostracized little girl
did not realize what father says
And she cried and cried
Poor man looked at the cloudy sky
Where floating a lonely kite
LIFE IS A PLAY – JOURNAL XV
But there is a meadow
I would see in a dream
With wild flowers rife
The most in a dream I’ve ever seen
For the view spreads endlessly
The golden bloom never fades
But stops only at some foothills,
Rolling, receding like ocean jade
The sky – and I under – a so deep light
I’d have me lay right down
Lost in its vast, interstellar view
As seeker I’ll invent me a stream
One that invitingly froths and bubbles
That I may lay down,
Float away all life’s troubles
Oh, maker of plots
I yearn to see a land far away
Where soul only resides
And happiness, peace name of the play
Singing around in love;
Smiles built from the ground.
Holding hands in the dance;
Laughing with brothers and sisters,
All in His Glorious Name.
Throughout His perfectly sculpted land:
Look around because this is it;
Look around because this is love;
Look around and know, understand, comprehend,
Rejoice because you are perfect;
You are God's beautiful children!
She only has a few teeth
Left in her mouth although
The most wonderful of warm smiles
Eyes and humble kindness
A soul sincere as grateful; love...
Once she was a beautiful princess
Until life these drugs stole her crown
Now unto the bible her heart, she holds close.
Mother buried hacked-up carp beneath
pink rose mallow. She knew the filthy cats
would come. A balled-up dirty rag
and coffee tin of smelly kerosene
were garrisoned behind a red berry twistwood.
Mother would hide in a column of shadow
near the porch. Ambush the cats as they dug
for carp. Their noses spiced with fish-oiled peat.
Tails flagged above puckered targets.
Mother was quick with her kerosene rag — spot on!
A hush-hush tripwire stretched taut round
the perimeter of mother’s mortared desperation.
The sacrosanct, lint-free, perfect world, where
she demanded God wipe His feet at her door.
Dear Mother, our Elizabeth Taylor dead ringer,
who could waltz with kings, or gut them with a glare.
Ghetto mother, who would murder to keep
her suburbs white, the cat crap gone, and
her prize mallow big as Frisbees. I couldn’t
let it storm on mother. She would get crazy
if her galvanized tin-roof mind was rattled.
Her daughter always had to shine. I kept
the attic window shutters well oiled. Mother
never heard my bare feet crisscrossing
the roof, as I ran to catch the rain.
Worthy of love, unbreakable togetherness, and lasting compassion would have been instilled
strongly in the vessel of thirsting heart and unstable mind of a child.
But, why soup of hatred, a platter of pale love and a bowl of spoiled unloving thoughts
are laid in the niche of the child’s sprouting character?
Family ties were untied by a father who neglected his pure actions and encouraging words
and translated into unspoken greediness and unnoticed carelessness of expressed thoughts
that form the growing character of his son.
The family bonding is disbanded by a mother who works in the scope of her comfort where
eyes and mouth are only the weapons of her love and care for her curious daughter and for
her wandering son.
A father who offers a well of gold and silver, a mother who clothes sparkling dress of
worldly wealth to her offspring!
Their children have worn ever the brightest smile but not for a while,
The pleasures of their tongue were satisfied but not their hearts.
Corruption begins at home.
It creeps to the nerves of the heart of your son.
It envelops the innocent soul of your daughter.
For every dishonest word that is pronounced by the indifferent father,
For every unchecked actions that mother has imposed,
Are a sure lifetime shaper to the values and character of the children.
Family brings serpents of corruption in every corner of the home.
It blows very hard like a destructive wind of the storm.
It is like a starving lion that preys on the flesh of good virtues and leaves nothing but
Father, Mother, May I appeal to your deepest conscience and understanding!
May you be vigilant and be watchful of your actions and your ways of life!
Your most beloved children are at stake in the breaking and making of their character!
Strangers voices talking promises Casting away all the fears I will never leave you again Time to make up for all the years What grade are you in now What do you like to do I promise you very soon I will take you to the zoo What is your favorite animal What movies do you like I promise you very soon You will be riding a brand new bike I do not care about the bike I do not care about the zoo Only thing I want Is you Is you Is you Baby close your eyes And count to three Now open them wide It`s me It`s me It`s me I promise you with all my heart I am here to stay Never again Will I ever run away for Angelina
The most beautiful girl is the world stands thirty-seven inches tall.
Her eyes are hypnotizing, light brown just like her chin length hair.
Laughter from her little voice is contagious as it flows from her mouth.
Songs sing from her soul, and her tiny hands beat bongo drums.
The most beautiful girl in the world weighs thirty five pounds.
Her skin is always dirty from playing in the sandbox and exploring.
Love from her heart is welcomed in every hug she freely gives.
Life radiates from her in every direction, making the angels sing.
The most beautiful girl in the world helps her mommy deliver meals.
Her pride at being a good girl is applauded and greeted with affection.
Joy from her attitude is appreciated and admired by all who meet here.
She is the most beautiful girl in the world, she is my daughter, my Abigail.
For Contest: The
If I could do one thing for you
I tell you what I would do
I would harness the stars and maybe Mars
And deliver them to you
I would take moon glow and produce a show
The world would not soon forget
Then I would pack it up in a China cup
And serve it to you alone
You see one of the charms
Is to throw my arms
Tightly around my girl and dance with her
Cause quite a stir and leave no doubt how I feel
The world can be cruel but
Remember this little rule and keep it in your heart
I'm your dad and when you are sad
is when my love will start
To grow even more than it was before.
I don't know how but I know it now
You can always count on me
So rest assured you are not ignored
I love you with all my heart
When she is sleeping
in my arms,
nothing else matters.
In heartbeats and breaths
measured is time,
so brittle, defenceless
I am lost without her.
please talk to me.
There's something I need to say.
I've realized something.
Just hear me out and you'll know I'm right.
I'll never be good enough for you.
I'll never meet your expectations.
And we're growing apart so fast
that I can barely tell what you want anymore.
All the things that you've said
hurt worse than you'll ever know.
And now we can't go back.
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
But I'm always at my worst when I'm with you.
My mood so dark that I can't see.
You'll never understand how hard it is
and how bad it hurts to be me near you.
Who are you
Your father's son or daughter
Or your mothers?
If you are your father's
You gotta have his surname
But if you are your mother's
Her name you don't take
But once you get married
Oh, boy! Your surname won't change
Hey girls, What makes you change your surname?
This is anomalous
An assault on women rights
A blow to the fair sex
Whoever hath made this rule
He must be a damn big fool!!
I don't see why.
Do they know at night,
I try not to cry?
Pouring out tears,
the bruises are endless.
But they're all fooled,
What a great actress.
"But you're popular,"
"Everyone loves you."
They don't love me,
they just notice me
making my way through
this miserable place
that we call Earth.
holding back tears,
after a slap on the cheek
caused by a dirty dish
left in the sink.
It snowed the day my mother taught me to engrave
She held a waxy green leaf between her mittened fingers
And mapped each yellow vein with her eager eyes
All filled up to the lashes with yellow
Scraping away the green, catching it under her fingernails
She found my name like some ancient code in its shallow skin
White winter sun tentatively fingered the letters
And the wind took them elsewhere
Towards the great grey clouds above
Meanwhile our feet lay planted to the ankles
In something cold and heavy.
Daddy, your bed time stories were the best.
The extra prescision you took while reading a book,
To overcome your struggles and ensure you pronounced each word correctly,
Were the most beautiful sounds.
The way you would sit and practice slowly,
Sometimes repeating words out loud or to yourself,
In efforts meant to bring our sleepy ears an image written down.
They were always the most beautiful words Daddy.
They were the best stories, that I lay in bed,
An adult now, and listen to my memories, where you retell them again.
You stuttered - it mattered not.
No other stories compare.
Her bedroom was painted a cheery yellow
The paint reflecting her charms
She disarmed the gloomy mornings,
and filled each dawn with sun
As days went by, and as she grew
The sun would follow too
It seemed to fill her attitude, as gold within her soul
Born to lift spirits, there burned a flame
To warm the coldest heart
Her eyes would shine, like yellow stars,
To twinkle in their mirth
A gentle touch, a quiet way, as soft as yellow rose
It is no surprise, the day would come, when she became a mom
With radiant pose, she's all aglow, and bends to kiss his toes
We watch him grow, he lights her life, and though he does not know...
he lights my own, the sun....the moon,
who shines the world, aglow
Dedicated to my daughter and my grandson...
My Dear, Sweet, lost Child ?
Daughter of my wasted youth !
I am truly sorry Gail, for all that I was
- that selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless man -
I am truly sorry Gail, for all that I was not !,
- a responsible, considerate, good father -
as I left behind, in the wake of my life, a beautiful girl child,
a child who, by her own strength, came to a stage,
just one of many, - as I recall – in her life,
that have plagued her, with so many questions,
so much insecurity, such deep doubt about what she is ?,
who she is ?, how she got to be ?, what it will take to be free ?
What I see !, is a beautiful young woman, who has found the answers,
who has the strength, the courage, the wisdom to move beyond
all of her life’s adversities, moved beyond all that has troubled her,
- filled her mind for so many, long and wasted years –
to find and live a life few can only hope to achieve.
She has left her troubled soul behind, stepped out of the limitations
her creators instilled, - limitations her creators are trapped in -,
walked past, and far beyond the worst and best they could be,
to be a much better person then they and in her own right.
Their right Gail, - your mothers and mine – was created by forces,
forces beyond the innocent, naiveté of our youthful experiences.
And so my Dear, sad to say, we are left to deal with all of life
- rainbows, black clouds, mirrored lakes, raging seas, open fields,
dark and mysterious caves, happiness, securities, doubts,
insecurities and a life time of sadness’s – yet most of us,
realize, ( to one degree or another ) that life goes on in spite
and perpetuates itself – for the good of mankind and this planet
we share ( from the infinitesimal atom to the mighty, majestic mountains
or the destruction of conscious humanity and our tiny inverse -
for better or worse as we act out the characters our forefathers created.
I can not help but be deeply saddened – heart broken – by all
that troubles you, about me, about your mother,
but most of all – troubles you about yourself.
You know my Dear, there is positively nothing you can do,
think, feel, understand – no matter how much, I wish
I could take the hands of father time and turn them back –
that will take the hands of time, turn them to the time of youth
and change what I, and the past created for you.
Fear not my Dear, for you can ask ?, question ?, understand,
and with that knowledge, step aside, embrace the past
and with knowledge in hand, walk a different path
then those that came before knowing that the past
permeates the present with its essence, as it does the future,
but it is only you, who has the power to make the choice,
of whether or not the past controls you or you the past.
Ones actions – at a time when another’s needs, need be met –
does not necessarily mean what the other has thought and felt.
My actions, my choices Gail, where just that, my choices.
None of what I did or did not do had anything to do with you,
even though – in the end – it did, it affected you negatively.
My decision Gail, good or bad, selfish and thoughtless
where not meant to take anything away from you – but did –
except for my physical presence, for my love and concerns
where always in mind, where always with you, even if I wasn’t.
You know my Dear, - of course you don’t – I wish you had kept
all the correspondence from me, as I have done, from you,
so that we might go through them all and see, and know
if what I now perceive of myself these days, reflects a truth
of the man I think I was in those days. Was I the man then
I am now ?, is the man I am now, one of worth ?,
more worthy today then yesterday ?, I cannot say, I do not know
but what ever the case ?, I loved you as much then as I do now,
regardless, and in spite of all that may seem, and seemed uncertain.
I realize Gail, that certainty, memories, experiences are but illusions
in the mind, in the passing of time, what counts, is living the moment,
– at least for me – sucking the life out of it, without reservation,
for, within the moment, are carried the all, and all we are
at that precise moment when the twinkling of life’s eye
shows us the light, the colours, the knowledge, the wisdom
as they move on, on the wings of rainbows, that are moved
by the solar winds of our conscious / subconscious life.
The all we were, the all we are, the all we will ever be,
in this moment, all or fragments of, will live in the next moment.
How we direct our moments Gail, come on the wings
of who and what we were, who and what we are
and what previous moments added to the equation.
I hear the flash
A blur of brilliance
Of stinging sunshine
Which I can still taste
Beneath Sunday brunch
I hear his eyes
Cocked chambers of silence
Echoes of forgotten laughter
Fractured in gelid resolve
Between fire and faith
I hear the earth
Blaring blades of emerald
Swirling hues of hegemony
Tickling nature’s palette
My blushing pale feet
As silhouettes of summer
Push bare backyard swings
I hear my heartbeat
The crimson crush of sulfur
The stoic shadow of my father
Who forgot to tell his daughter
He took her life
I gaze upon perfection laid before me
The innocent face of my sleeping child
Auburn hair draped upon her pillow
Lollipops and candy canes
Take possession of her dreams
As she dwells in her world of make believe
I cannot deny that I am her captive
Held in her hand, held in my heart
Her foil to do with as she may
I edge closer to the bed
And pause for fear that I will wake her
With the muffled beating of my heart
She stirs, a sigh slipping from her lips
The tiny legs move with quiet rhythm
As she dreams of dancing with the angels
Sleep well, daddy's girl
I am the sunrise and sunset weaving turquoise into grey.
Our eyes (written in the style of spoken word)
My child hood is slipping away from me
my memories fading in light of new.
Parts of me still lost in loam
searching for your face in fading grey.
All I have left of you is me.
All I have left of your words
are imprinted in my soul
so that when despair at our seperation
becomes to great
I can hold, caress, and run them through my mind
like the silk of the blanket you wrapped me in
and put around my shoulders
to look in the water
and find your eyes
and see you
The soldier, the war, and I
Today I am home and thinking to my self..
What would I be doing if I had a soldier coming home to me and my family?
What would I be doing if I was the soldier looking to going home to my family?
And then, I look back at all the years passed since this last war..
Many children have grown to become men, Others have grown to become soldiers
Where would I be if I had gone to the war and fought for my country?
Where would I be if I had gone and came back safely?
Where would I be if I had not gone at all because I was not qualified to go?
Would I be with my family or in a hospital injured?
Would I be standing proud, and laughing with my friends and family?
Or would I be dead, as I never got to come back?
Today I am home and thinking to myself..
Thinking of all of those brave soldiers, children still
Who are out there, suffering.. And some ill
Today I am home and thinking to myself..
How many woman are crying because of their gone loved ones
How many men are crying for their loved and missed ones
How many children are fatherless or motherless, or both!
And at the end I stop. I think no more..
I am grateful for the things I have,
I am grateful for the people who surround me...
And I am sure grateful to never have gone to a war; yet,
I sure appreciate the thoughts, courage, life, and suffering
Of all of those who have been touched by it.
I shall be telling this with a sigh"
A young girl exploring and free
makes a mess for mommy to clean.
Never meaning to but making life hard.
When you say no, she’ll run and hide her tears.
As your heart breaks inside
you want to share the tears she cries.
Just when you’ve had enough,
she comes and gives you a hug.
Looking up with those big brown eyes.
Struggling as she climbs your thigh.
Sitting in your lap she cuddles up
giving you a kiss and a hug.
That’s when you know a daughters love..
Morning, I tell my betta, Beau,
how beautiful he is. He fans out sideways
turquoise, crimson and green for my
inspection. It's introspection time for she
who wears a writer's hat, anytime is writing time,
and she sees again through the window where
she works the stately oak, talking to itself,
thanks to the leafy wind from the lake that
clears its throat. It's shaped symmetrically
like the Chinese fan I yearned for, spread out
in Bo Song's parents' laundry window down-
town on Third Street, the one the father I
was named for bought me when I was nine
before the blood clot in his leg found home-
base in his heart, and I was suddenly
twelve, bereft of sire, almost a woman,
alone to fan her way through her
She's sleeping now as I watch
her; angelic, innocent—most
How do I tell her? It's become a
type of obsession.
How do I tell her? My nights are
spent rearranging phrases;
hoping for a turn of events.
How do I look her in the eyes
and explain what freedom
means in our country?
"I'm sorry love," I sing to her
while she rests, “for bringing
you into the world already at the
And she will grow, stretch like
the limbs of the great sequoias.
Her classes will be filled with
dreams and motivations. Reach
for the stars; you can achieve
anything, just warped, candy-
coated reflections of the
diminishing American Dream.
And when she grows she will
detest me—if only momentarily
—for my lack of social standing.
"Why does life have to be so
hard?" she will cry, her teenage
feet will stomp with more force
than they did as a child, and the
cheap clothes dressing her
ever-changing body will be
nothing more than a reminder.
They will be nothing more than
a suffocating cage of fabric.
How do I tell her, I slaved to
climb the executive ladder, and
failed to get any higher?
"I'm so sorry; love, for not
representing the nation's elites,
but falling into the poverty of the
masses." I will whisper in
response to her distress.
I tried! I wanted to give you a
decent life; I wanted to give you
a head start for achievement!
The drive to succeed for her is
She's sleeping now as I watch
her; she only recently learned
how to walk.
Still, my nights are spent
stringing the thoughts and
words together; wishing our
lives were better; wishing that I
could shield her.
Soon, she will learn how small
her voice sounds in comparison
with the screams of the nation.
How do I tell her?
I kiss her forehead, and tuck her
"Hey, I've missed you. Can I see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, when I get off the bus!"
"Okay I have a present for you. See you then!"
Anticipation. A meeting long sought after.
Phone's distant ring.
"We're going for a ride. Put your shoes on."
A father and daughter head into the night.
Empty company. Words go unspoken.
"She's in the hospital. She was hit by a car."
Confusion. Sorrow. Anger. Rage.
"Don't let her mother see you cry."
Strength found somewhere. Arrival.
Room coated in silent sorrow.
"They said there's hope. She had a brain wave."
Hope. Wonder at what that thought was.
A warm summer day running in the woods.
Sorrow shattered by oncoming traffic.
"I'm so sorry."
Enraged eyes meet the driver.
The woman cries, ashamed.
"Its okay. She'll be okay."
A misplaced hug. A lesson in judgement.
"Sam. Do you want to see her?"
Not like this.
A long walk. Endless abyss. Tearing thoughts.
"Don't be afraid."
There through the door with handle brass.
My beautiful friend's body turned to glass.
"I won't say goodbye."
Refusing to cry. Just as father said.
"We have to go home. We'll come back tomorrow I promise."
Journey back filled with empty company.
Hollow. Out of place. A need to be alone.
Give me space!
Somehow sleep's darkness finds.
My space invaded. No! Shut up! Go away!
"Sam, I'm sorry. She didn't make it."
Tears. Each one a memory.
Meeting in fourth grade. Sharing the same name.
Sticking up for one another. Playing a simple game.
Long afternoons in the sun. Never once had a fight.
She found out I was afraid of the dark. So she'd be my light.
"She was amazing. So young. My condolences."
A funeral filled with sadness so thick.
I gazed upon her body. Peaceful.
"She made this for you."
A bracelet. Her present.
The facade shatters.
It's too much to handle.
How can one's soul fire ever dance...
Without it's everlasting candle.
I am woman …
And bestowed with straw basket
To fetch water.
You set upon us
Stretching our legs wide,
Ripping out our genitals and dignity
To nurse your children’s
‘fore you design gods;
Ones who create dolts,
And feast on minerals –
Congo was a lady
And I … I am
Strong black woman.
I bought some views
On black market;
They are rare commodities,
Sat down with glass of nsamba
on the rocks
And seriously contemplate …
It is hard to buy
Black market stuff;
We are set up
East is inferior to west,
Barring them Europeans
Who broke their necks
To dwell in Canaan.
One thing is for sure,
They alleged a better name
The ones we were given;
Those with implications.
Oh, what things we see
When we start looking
From our own eyes.
I am WOMAN …
And taken against my desire,
Ravished by the corporations;
The gods who create your children
I am WOMAN,
Woman from Congo.
The amazing way we came to know
We each had some place else to go
where eternal sparks of passion’s fire
too hot to quench with earthly flesh
We understood our wants and needs
Taking eternity into account
never crossed our minds
when we evaluated our lives
We now step back and evaluate
and believe in our choices
We live a life our parents
could not even imagine
but the one thing they taught us
still holds true... the children are the most important thing.
Any guy can have a child
But it takes a real man to be a father
Any guy can get annoyed
But a real man don't get bothered
Any guy can give money for his kids
But a real man is there for them
Any guy can work all the time
But a real man is takes care of her or him
Any guy can justify his position
But a real man proves his spot
Any guy can get upset with kids
But a real man never gets hot
Any guy can talk whatever
But a real man goes with the transaction
Any guy can buy stuff for their kids
But a real man's love is out of action
So many guys nowadays fall
But real men step up to the call
The sun retreats, rain falls from the sky
when I see you cry my baby.
Baby please don’t cry!
Guardian angel bites his lips, standing silent nearby
when I see you cry my baby.
Baby please don’t cry!
I will take your pain away, want to make it my
if you do not cry my baby.
Baby please don’t cry!
for marrying our mama
for taking us on
for putting up with us
for being tough on us
for demanding our best
for not leaving…
for letting me marry your mama
for letting me take you on
for letting me put up with you
for letting me be tough on you
for letting me demand your best
for letting me stay…
For: Frank’s contest
My daughter had to leave Ireland for work. She is teaching English in Madrid, Spain and is very happy there. She was home during the summer and when she was leaving, I was so sad to see her go but happy that she is happy. We are all living in difficult times with this global recession. Sad that our children have to leave their own country, the history of Ireland especially.
As you prepare to leave today,
I already miss you.
that the heavens
for another tearful
I hear you in the kitchen.
The sound of you
Cooking is your ritual,
writing is mine.
I will immerse myself
will be part of them,
are a part of me.
What a blessing
to see the essence of me
I don't understand why we live a life were the ones we love die young or the wise ones we love die too soon for us to have learned enough from them we walk on the path we choose but it seems there’s always a road block or tough times we have to learn from with the loss of a loved one that’s a family member or a child we have bared along the way to whatever destiny has planned for us at the end of our road I guess it’s god way of telling us he needed them to be our guardian angels instead of them walking with us on our path we have so many unanswered questions an things we don't yet understand I guess when the time comes we will understand the why's we don't yet have answers to an the path we walk will be the rite path in the end I just hope when time comes we will all see the ones we lose on our path an get the why's an questions answered
Hues of gold
Transforms to dust
Settles there in
Guides titian tresses
In channel there
She goes to a place
Where little girls dream
She goes to a place
Where little boys dare
Her bedroom was a sunny yellow
The paint reflecting her charm
She disarmed every morning, smiling
With enormous baby grins greeting each day
As she grew, this sunny disposition
Came from her soul,
As much a part of her, as arm or leg,
As sunny as the yellow curls that crowned her head
At times she was sweet and delicate
Like holding a little yellow duckling in the palm of your hand
Sometimes she was giggly and playful
Like when you share yellow buttered popcorn with a friend
Her heart grew like a little flame
Growing brighter with every year
Her eyes would shine, like the brightest stars, twinkling in their mirth
Yet full of kindness, and soft as a pale yellow rose
The sun seemed to follow her, a radiance, a glow from within
That could warm a room on a cold day
A ray of sunshine, like daffodils, born to lift spirits
Or a yellow marguerite, bright with cheer
It is no surprise
That the grown woman she became
Would bear a sunny little boy
With yellow curls, and a beaming smile
.......who lights up my life
who sits in the glow of a yellow lamplight
and colors pictures of a big, fat, yellow sun
with his favorite yellow crayon
Dedicated to my daughter...who is the Sunshine of our Family
I am a Father
I am a father of a Daughter
Who is in the age of teen
You will say my worries are very correct
She may be my daughter
When she walks in roads
her mind has been polluted by posters
When she reads a journels
she may be disturbed by the photos
When she watch a channel
her thoughts may be diverted by the plays
As a father ,my worries are correct
Her school and environment may be good
But her way to school and scenes in roads?
Sex and lust is everywhere
None is having common sense and road sense
Kissing and embarrassing love is found common
There is an attacks
on our girl’s morality and conduct
Rise my dear Fathers against this evil
To protect our daughters from these evils
At sundown, my dreams begin
from the privacy of a wooden door comes freedom
Beyond every window is a mystery
Life's detective--with little hands
Daybreak, I shall start again
every swaying gill in the bayou will be poked, prodded, examined
Bayou;she knows I'm coming
I play for hours at her warm waters edge until those fish swim--away
Strange sounds soothe me; restless, listless, small
dance away--dance away, shake and rattle bone
Shiny things too big for me to hold
I hear them every day,trusting my ears to listen
At the height of it all
taller than my world around
branches of the thickest sort collect me
Holding precious identity safe, amid the one who seeks it most
I must get there
Higher up I scale more foliage, thorns and fruit alike
Alas, I have reached the top
Home is what I see
Street with fainted yellow line
enclosed by silver snaps of gate
rumbling life-sized motor toys
Lay--stranded by human hands
I know I'm close
I turn to hear a voice at my elbows
sweet satin words surround me--subtle, pink, with a dash of clear compassion
My friend bids me farewell
She helped me find...Home...Here.
He, a man the artist thinks he will never know,
Stroked her, another stranger and maybe his wife,
Matching white hair shines in the sunshine
The artist, soul deep and single,
Follows every line of their love with his pencil
So intent he doesn't notice the approaching shadow.
"They're beautiful in real life too, aren't they?"
Her voice was as gorgeous as she
The artist saw when he looked up into her eyes
"Yes," the artist sighs.
"They are my grandparents. Today is they're seventieth anniversary and we have all come
to this park where they met to celebrate." The artist's dream explained.
"Oh," Is all the artist knows to say. He couldn't imagine a love so long lasting.
"I want to buy that when you finish," the granddaughter insists.
"Oh, no, I'll give it to them. My gift." The artist insists and wins. He grins and she grins
Perhaps in seventy years they will pose unknowingly in the park for another young artist.
Monday, September 12, 2011 9:34 PM
IF I COULD GIVE YOU
If I could give you diamonds,
For each time you cried for me.
If I could give you Sapphires‘,
For each truth you helped me see.
If I could give you rubies,
For all the heartache you’ve known.
If I could give you pearl’s,
For all the wisdom you show.
Then you would have a treasure
That would mount up to the skies.
That would almost match,
The sparkle in your kind and loving eyes.
But I have no pearls, no rubies,
No sapphires’ or diamonds.
As I’m sure you’re well aware.
So I’ll give you gifts more precious,’
My devotion, my love and care.
I'm still wearing the
red lusted lipstick he hates
as I try to explain that
it's impossible to
wash this disease away.
My father says I'm
a picture of teenage cliches,
mourning puppy love
as if it is something tangible,
him, always one to rip
the band aid from the wound,
quick and with only the
slightest sting of nostalgia.
He wonders why he was cursed
with the mass of emotions
bleeding before him.
"It's later than midnight..." he says,
but they are everywhere,
dampening my hair,
flailing into my mouth
already creasing into
the laugh lines and
fleeting moments of yesterday.
My father wanted the boy,
five years younger and
dead before born
but all he got
frayed heart and torn jeans,
sheet stains from two kinds of
the moist aftermath that I will
swallow in sleep, as the
constant question marks
adorn his face.
Life is love. It’s beautiful like a child’s birth pain hurts, life has no price tag for a
woman’s worth, this is why a mother is the most loved being on this planet Earth,
you’re the passageway into this world, what a gift from Allah, a baby boy or a baby
girl, for you to groom, nurture and teach, how to walk, how to speak, you’ve watched
me grow, mistakes and all, life is love, it’s beautiful and dutiful, like you are to me. So
smile mom, for today and forever, I want you happy.
Through all the tears.
Through all the smiles.
Through all the struggles.
Through all the hurt.
Through all the good and bad.
Still proud to call you mine.
The phone call went badly, again -
the old arguments about ego & neglect
and how you didn’t love me, not really.
And the weeping.
At 50, she was still stuck,
repeating the same accusations.
“The damage, the damage you caused.”
She didn’t want her mother to think
she’d come through it unscathed.
Not ever. She’d worked too hard to
become something she wasn’t,
someone must be to blame.
She was so clever, so clean, so intelligent -
how could she be so unhappy?
The unformed artist weighed down
by someone else’s baggage.
When her artist/mother said:
You have to work with it, use it, create with it,
she howled: “Stop talking over me.”
It was like saying get rid of yourself.
Knowing herself that well,
she hardly knew what she was.
Summer is the season my Birthday comes around,
A special month, in my life, is August.
On this day, all of nature is happy and celebrating with me;
like my Mother that Special Day when she gave me Life.
Different birds sing their songs in the early morning.
The brilliant colored sun sets in the beautiful evening.
The warm wind quietly whispers to me through the leaves of the trees,
The smell of flowers congratulates me together with the breeze.
I never forget my birthdays in Russia; children around the tables,
My caring Mother filled with food, fruits, vegetables and sweets.
That summer my Mother and I were blessed by God together.
I received the Biblical name Lydia from my loving Mother.
there once was a bad mother
she forced her daughter
to do all kinds of things
that she did not want to do
she thought she knew how to help
but she only made it worse
what she didn't know
is that the daughter knew
all along what she wanted
but she was young and helpless
her mother told all the doctors
and all the therapists
that her daughter had a problem
and that she was suffering
but she didn't know why
the problem was that the mother
was too intrusive in her life
and she thought that she could
change the way her daughter thinks
we all know this is not true
her problem was that
she simply did not
so one day
found help in another town
she sent them a letter
saying she wishes to leave
and they sent her back
a train ticket
to come live with them
the daughter was happy
and lived happily
Winter winds blow all around.
I’m astonished by the sounds of Jingle Bells and reindeer stomps.
All of this should never stop.
Snow lies on the ground, if only that weren't too profound.
Time only leads to decay, but not on Christmas, not today.
You should see the angels pray.
Toy trains, and rag dolls are the things kids used to want.
But time has changed, yes so have children…
Santa seems as if a villain.
So much fighting, so much crying, it sounds as if the kids are dying.
“I want money, I want fame, and these toys are just so lame.”
But that’s the product we provided.
Second chances are no more, Santa’s plot we wait for.
He’s sick of this, he doesn't care, it’s as if he’s not wanted here.
He gets ready to take it all back….
There’s still one toy left in his sack, it’s for a little girl, half a world away.
Now how could he have missed this, on the perfect Christmas day?
He turns around, not time for war.
This toy, the girl is waiting for… It’s not a toy like you’d expect.
She didn't ask for electronics, or stupid games such as Sonic.
She just wanted one small thing…
She’s waiting for something EXTRA special this gloomy day.
In a bed she sits and stares, at the window near a chair.
She’s so weak, and all alone.
She doesn't even have a real home, not where there are bright lights anyways.
They've decorated a weeping willow, the only tree around the “home”.
So she has lights to see.
It’s Christmas after all, but there’s no way to calm the raging sea.
She’s dying, it won’t take much longer, and she doesn't care about the tree.
She needs a new heart extra bad.
So, Santa’s bringing her the one thing, that will stop her parents from being sad.
He rushes to the hospital in his golden sleigh, and climbs right down the vent,
He’s saving Christmas today.
Santa rushes in just in time, finds a doctor, the girl is dying.
It’s not what he usually does, but he stays and watches as they save her life.
He waits for her to wake up.
“Santa, you saved my life, oh thank you so much! I needed my heart to be touched.”
He just smiles, and kisses her hand. He’s so glad he didn't destroy the land.
Christmas is still a special day.
There’s no more sorrow, no, not today. Santa smiles though some are still ungrateful.
There’s that one child, standing in the snow, her life can now be started in the evening glow. That’s life for the grateful, loving, caring, and the thankful. Most of the time Santa just gives toys. For all the good girls and boys. But not today, and not tomorrow, once a year he gets rid of sorrow. So sleep tight and say your prayers, Christmas time is but once a year.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend,
She is all that and even then,
She is more than words can describe,
When I’m around her I get a good vibe.
I love her even though,
She doesn’t like the words that flow,
Out of my mouth all day;
She always listens to what I have to say.
She is someone that I love,
Her spirit’s gentle like a dove,
About me she always cares,
She hugs me anywhere.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend,
I hope our friendship will never end,
Of one thing I am quite sure,
I am really glad to have met her.
She turns my frown upside down,
By sometimes acting like a clown,
She makes me glad that I’m still here,
To me our friendship is quite dear.
I’m glad to have her as my friend,
Our friendship is strong like the wind,
And I end this poem at last to say,
I thank God for my friend every day.
Who will take care of me
who will tuck me in at bedtime
who will wake me up in the morning
'who will' was in every question that she had
along with the truly innocent flow of tears of motherly need
when I parted her from me for the first time
on march 21st 2010
who will say goodnight momsi
who will lay an arm around me and
who will sing along with me at night
'who will' was in every question that I had
along with the true hearted love of a mother
when I lay here alone with litte darlings thoughts
on march 21st 2010
New to her heart and touching her soul…
Before her lies a precious dream.
Completely wrapped up and dedicated to this life...
Her heart explodes with love and beams.
Never before has she ever felt like this,
As God’s gift lies before her… in all her regal bliss.
She knows she can’t ask for more, than to touch her little princess.
Nothing on earth can feel so right, as she yields a gentle kiss.
Overwhelming protectiveness takes over her being,
As she picks up the one who is smiling and gently breathing.
It’s amazing how much love and devotion comes with this blessing,
And how much life can vastly change with its bringing.
She’ll hold her child closely and gently as she sings a lullaby.
Rocking her love… she watches as she slowly closes her eyes.
Her happiness is wrapped up in the little one… who before her lies.
Her little pink bundle of joy… she is truly life’s greatest prize.
I sit on your knee, I look in your eyes,
And I weep...
I begin to say, Daddy please stay,
Please, don't go...
The days turn to weeks
Mommy can't speak
I promise myself, never to forget,
This weight that lays heavily upon my chest.
It's a moment in life which I can't escape,
The image so clear, the fear in your eyes, so fresh in my mind.
I'm forgetting your smile,
I would have to say, it's been quite a while..
My world torn apart,
My childhood a blur, in one single moment, a fresh new start.
I'm two year old, with very little to hold.
My daddy is gone, what exactly went wrong?
I begin to say...
Daddy please stay, why not give this one more day?
I wonder ?, have pondered ?, have analyzed the boxes,
the cages, the walls my little Girl, my young Woman,
finds herself packaged in, trapped in, stuck behind,
believing that they have come into being
– along with all the uncertainties, doubts and fears –
because of the constant “ You are to much like you dad ”.
If you are me ?, and I you ?, in you mothers eyes,
then we can see why all the pain, all the heat ache
I inflicted, by my actions, drove your mother to turn
all her hurt, her pain into anger, hostility, animosity,
malice, vengeance, a vendetta. All her mean spirited
words ponding through your youthful days and nights,
into your innocence was directed at me, meant for me,
– not you – unfortunately, this you had to endure.
For you where your mothers only outlet, only release valve
and in her naiveté, her blind rage, her need to strike out,
she did not know, did not understand, did not pay heed
to my words and so the words she was shooting at me,
struck at the very heart of you, how could they not kill
your spirit, destroy the very soul of one so little, so fragile,
when she was often said “ You are so much like your dad ”,
a picture she painted black, with angry, harsh brush strokes
of a dad that was not the dad you knew and understood.
That caused great damage to us and our relationship.
In the end – unfortunately – my acts flooded your growth,
impacted your life with such negativity and uncertainty.
I am sorry that I let your mother leave, taking you with her
and for my leaving for distant lands, unknown worlds,
leaving you to your own and your mothers devices.
Unfortunately my Dear, being your fathers Daughter,
“ You are to much like you dad ”, you were forced to endure
all the abuse meant for me, – personally – after all,
how could you not ?, how could you escape the war ?,
especially when you became the battle field upon which
your mother waged her destructive war against me.
I look into the tapestry of our lives my Dear, and see it
tattered and torn, frayed at the edges of its heart, and see,
pieces of me being blown apart – as my world
( in your ears, in your eyes ) – crumbles before you,
comes tumbling down, scattered around uncertain ground
upon which to build your own world, rebuild your spirit,
your soul, your personality and climb out of your little coffin
and rise up from the broken, shattered remains, the ashes
of the man you called dad and walk out of the maze
of memories, of experiences, of the tales told,
that threw you into the fire, that mess of confusion,
the pain of uncertainty, by “ You are so much like your dad ”
and know that I think ( it was unintentional, I do believe )
that it was all intended for me and not you my Dear.
In the final analysis Gail, one can only conclude that the love
your mother and I had and have for you, got lost I the fray
– because we did not have the strength of character to overcome –
of our destructive needs and desires, the wants of our sicknesses.
Our fractured, tortured psyches Gail, drove us, and at your feet,
permeating your soul, upon the head of an undeserving little girl,
you have come to know – all that you never needed to know.
In time – be it already history or yet to be the future – I, -
as I am sure your mother - harbour many regrets and I hope
that you will find peace and forgiveness within that
shattered heart and soul of yours, if not for our sakes,
at least for yours, for not letting go, only hurts you
and you are the only one that matters, for all time.
I gave birth to a thought today
A shiny little supposition
It wept about all the possibilities
Like protons racing around an atom blaster
My thoughts began to multiply
It was the Big Bang of my Universe
Then I heard the voice of an angel
Say, “Daddy, this is my science project.”
And now the birth of a thought
Gave birth to a Black Hole
There's something important I would like to stress,
as a piece of advice, from the top of my head.
It might sound small now, but nevertheless,
one day when you've grown up, it will make sense;
Talk to your Grandparents.
Ask them a question, another and more.
Ask them what this world was like before.
Inquire of Life, Love and of marriage.
They've been there, they've lived it, and would love to share it.
They'll talk to you gladly, if you lend an ear.
They may make your day, and you'll make their year.
It will be like discovering the best long-lost friends,
if you talk to your Grandparents.
There's something important I would like to say;
Visit, or phone, do it now, and today.
I promise the greatest of disappointments,
is time passing by when you don't know it went.
So don't miss this chance, before it's been spent,
to talk to your Grandparents.
(Prov. 22: 6 / Heb. 5: 14 / Deut. 6: 6-9 / 2 Tim. 3: 13-15, 16 / Matt. 19: 13, 14)
(Part One of Two)
If A Child Wants To Eat Candy
All Day Long …
When You Tell Them ‘No!’ - -
Is It Wrong?
If A Child Wants To Stay Up On School Nights
And Not Go To Bed …
Will You Leave The Matter At That
And Do What They Said?
If A Child Wants To Run The Streets
At All Hours of The Night …
Would You Allow It
And Say ‘It’s Alright’?
If A Child Fell Into Hanging Out
With The Wrong Crowd …
Would You Do Nothing
Thereby Showing It’s Allowed?
If A Child Gets Some Silly Notion
And Is Being Misled …
Will You Not Try To Talk
Some Sense Into Their Head?
And When Your Child Makes A Mistake
(‘Cause All Of Us Make Life’s Errors)
Are You Going To Be Loving & Forgiving
Or Come Off Like Some Holy-Terror?
If You See That Your Child’s Life
Is In Imminent Danger …
Would You Leave His Soul’s Wellbeing
To Some Ulterior-Motive Stranger?
All Children Need Education
That’s Why We Send Them To School
But Isn’t Home Training
The Best Place For Understanding Life’s Rules?
Before Your Child Gets Polio or Smallpox
Or Some Other Life Threatening Situation
Would You Not Seek Out Preventative
Medicine or Cures Thru Vaccinations?
If A Child Just Wants To Play
And Not Do Chores or Homework …
Would You Not Try To Find Out
Why A Lazy Streak Is Starting To Lurk?
If Your Child Is Depressed
Unmanageable or Confused …
Would You Not Put Extreme Effort
Into Finding Just What You Could Do?
If A Child Needs To Be Shown Love
and We Withhold Our Kisses & Hugs
Are We Guilty When They Grow Up
Into ‘Crypts & Bloods’?
If Your Child Doesn’t Want To Talk
and Retreat In Hiding From The World
Wouldn’t You Do Everything In Your Power
To Help Your Precious Boy or Baby-Girl?
If Your Child Has Low Self Esteem
Or Shows A Lack of Character …
Wouldn’t You Want To Be
Their Value & Virtue Narrator?
If Your Child Just Really Needs
Someone To Listen & To Talk To …
Would You Not Prefer
that That Someone Be You?
I Once Knew A Police Officer
Who Had Said of His Beat …
A Child Can Get Discipline At Home
Or They’ll Get Their Beatings In The Streets
And The Same Can Be Said
Of A Young Child’s Impressionable Mind
It Needs To Be Nurtured At Home
Or It Will Eat Every Junk & Stuff They Find
(Part One of Two)
Written & © : 7/16/2013
By: The MoonBee
You are my inner monster,
you are a part of me
I cannot change that.
You re the voice inside my head
that only I can hear,
and spend countless hours
trying to keep quiet.
I can hear your words
they echo in my mind
taking me back to earlier times
I try to forget
but you are always there
The years have gone by
the distance grows wider
and even now I can hear you .
to deny you is to,
is to deny me
Why some ask …
because you are my father
my inner monster.
This is know departure
But a posture
Distance journeys on without me
Aloof I stand to watch
The railing speed of time
My Heart, tells it all
All grown now
Though gone for just a while
Here, just a departing distance apart
'Move on!' 'Move on!'
For me to cross
Cross to my heart
She stands in waiting
Yes, those are Her feet
I just got off the pacing train
Annabell I see, to dearly hug
People who are always mean to me
And bullying me around
In the stupid world
People who are mean to me
Should get something back in return
Something mean and evil
And they deserve to die
In this evil world
And the only people I can trust
Are my Mommy and Daddy
i attempt to take a breath as structure slips away,
two lips and a whisper changed a universe today,
patterns contort and minds tilt ajar,
my soul is dumbfounded in sight of this art,
head in the clouds, where home isn't far,
seems ages away, knee deep in the stars,
i know not, the language,
i can not define,
but i know that its coming,
it's growing, it's mine.
On February 1st 1966, I saw the brightest moon,
Coolest moon ever that has shone in my life.
The spacecraft Luna 2 landed on the moon
And Luna came down to my family.
Rising in the precincts of a maternity home.
Springing from the other moon I had.
Hearing the news of Chandrika
Giving birth to Luna
I did not utter, think or react like others did,
But felt something inside me I never felt before
As if a light generated and rooted from the
Moon to the earth – a light reborn in me.
Cool, caring, loving and living
Up to her very name
A Letter to My Country
From A Foreign Tongue
My beloved country, source of my blood
I have been at fault since my very birth
Forgive my tongue which cannot speak you
For my eyes have seen your worth
My ears have heard your cries of labor
My skin bathes under your sun
For you I will write, for you I will sing
Even if I cannot speak your tongue
“O, beautiful country bathed in light!
“Stars shine on thee for thy might!
“Your children are brave, though naïve
“For thy tears and smile, we shall not be deceived
“So, now fly like the eagle you are
“We are the wind beneath your wings
“Let your banner rise high among us
“And to your anthem, we shall sing!”
My beloved country, I love you I do
Give me patience and your time
To learn your tongue, so unlike mine!
And together, we shall sing of your wonder!
Your foreign tongued daughter
I am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your co worker
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.
There are nights I take a pallet to the porch,
screened-in top to bottom for a peerless,
solitary panorama of emerald grass sloping
to rippling lake, protected from threat
of varmints, a resident reptile or two,
known to favor unattended pets, the smaller
the better. I'm not a mouthful morsel,
I'm here for the choral prayer of froglets, their
deep-voiced granddaddies, petitioning God,
however perceived in the gentle persuasion
of wind, and lilting water music.
I understand, now, in the second half
of life, why, after my father's traitor heart
took him away, my young, widowed
stepmother, (this from memory's vault,)
took her lawn chair down to the sea
to sleep at night for palliative care
seasoned with salt.
Broken homes and broken bones
Dads are gone and moms on drugs
At the age of nine I'm forced to chase my mother in and out of abandon homes.
Never felt more pain until the day my mom offered me to some strange man.
What was done plays back in my head everyday.
Never thought my mother would love drugs more than me.
At that point in my life I knew everything was wrong, and my childhood gone.
I tried to quickly runaway until i hear a deep voice say, "DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP".
Very abusive, he grabs my hands and throws me on the floor.
My mother sat there as it happened.
This strange man constantly raped me as I screamed and tried to get away.
My mother sat there and had nothing to say.
I am coming home
late once again.
It's freezing outside,
and I want to see my dad
whome I love.
I'm happy with my friends
until I walk through the door with them,
the worst mistake I could ever make.
Dad was okay
but then his treacherous girlfriend
who calls herself a "woman of God"
says "You're just going to let
her get away with coming home late
with her friends?!"
Dad shrugs his shoulders.
"You're not raising her right.
Then Dad gets furious,
but only with me.
He storms through the kitchen at me,
angry, arms flailing.
I didn't know that his next words
would change my life forever.
"You made me lose
my house and my girlfriend.
I want nothing to do with you,
you're not my daughter anymore.
I don't love you.
I want you out tonight."
I lose all control-
bursting into tears, running to the bathroom.
As I collapse on my knees I cannot control the tears,
I cannot breathe.
My breath comes in between long sobs.
My chest hurts.
It hurts so badly,
the love I've lost.
My aunt's arms are wrapped
around me, but it doesn't help.
I walk outside to see all that I can see.
Over there is our house, our home,
In the distance, you can see.
And that place of hallowed happiness
Forever has been our home
And forever will be so evermore.
That house is small but raised us tall,
From the perfect parents who loved us so
To the perfect sister for which every man would want.
The house built us all up strong.
More than a mere building,
It is a place to love and be loved,
A place that hands you hope that you give right back,
And a place of everlasting faith.
This home is where my parents taught me about God
And opened me up to Jesus.
They opened the eyes of the blind for all to see,
And the blind included me.
They taught me to be the best I can be;
The best things in life are free.
They have taught us so well,
And they all have saved my soul.
Even if I am not there now,
I carry Him with me.
I carry them with me.
I carry Their values and Their teachings with me.
In this house, this home,
We cannot forget this.
This is where my Mother lives.
This is where my Father lives.
This is where my Sister lives.
This is where We live,
In this loving, caring, beautiful home
They made just for us.
We cannot forget this either.
This is where it all began.
This is where the hunger and thirst was created;
This is where we are fulfilled.
We cannot, we must not forget this:
This is where God lives.
This is where Jesus lives.
This is where The Lord lives;
The Father and The Almighty.
This is where We live;
This is where We reside.
We must not forget this.
We must not forget this:
What a beautiful and perfect life this is.
some mothers are so close to
their daughters, that they can
crack dirty jokes together, that
the daughter will come to mom
certainly the result of mother
remembering what it was like to be
younger, spending the time with
her child in order to form an
unbreakable bond of trust &
the want to not repeat the things
she hated that her own mother did
to her, or neglected, as the case
may have been.
can’t imagine that the birds n’ bees
are a hard subject to go over when
such a bond exists, where the daughter
is always asking mom about everything
from the first kiss to further involvement---
but still, what must it be like for
such a mom to wake up in the morning &
know that the innocence is gone?
is it easier for the mother who has a deep
bond, to know that her daughter is
having sex, than a mother who doesn’t
have it together?
certainly the ignorance of a child
might allow for less knowledge considering
the point & so what does it mean for the
both of them, when the innocence is
a man cannot know---
he cannot look into a young one’s eyes &
know the same as the woman who has
given birth to this child,
he cannot step outside the young man
that he himself was---
all he has is the hindsight that those
particular days were wrought with raging
hormones & all the time in the world to
reap the benefits of being young.
when mother looks in her daughter’s eyes,
does she begin to worry more?
how much worry must past through on a
daily basis, before she goes to bed, before
she goes to work,
wondering if her child is alright?
how much of the time does she just sigh from
being overwhelmed &
sensory overloaded with stress
that never seems to relent
from mother to daughter &
daughter to mother.
Mother Of The
and I am
that of Thoth
and half of these
as a twin of yours
I am Guide
in the guise of Word
and I keep a list
on the book of death
as I mark the Sea
with a mount of rock
I keep the wits
for all of gods
I am write
and go forth by day
I am the light
and keep your Way
to direct absolution
I am daughter
upon The sound
I carry that Was
in this that is
as I weigh of yours
within hearts of Ours
and I am the We,
who are as Love
" don’t be afraid "
is the message above
Being a man,what do they see?
I see strength, aggression, power.
How about physical force?
Domination. Pain. Passion. Madness.
What is it they say on TV?
The alpha male...
It's all wrong.
I see passion. I see strength.
But what I see is family, I see love,
Oh I see pain. But only for what's lost,
Not what's inflicted. Being a man
I used to wonder what it meant.
After what they see, they say.
They say "be a man, fight" and
It's true. They say "Don't cry,
Don't be a girl." And it's true.
They say, "I thought I raised a man."
And that. Is. True.
I told you what I see.
How about what I say:
I say "Be a man, fight.
To put food on the table for your family."
I say "Don't cry, don't be a girl
Because your girl needs you
But needs you to cry when you take her as a bride."
I say, "I thought I raised a man
And I did." When my son fights for his family.
Being a man is about loving,
Fighting, directing, surviving,
But most of all, it's about appreciating
...at the edge of neverland
where spring butterflies dance in dream
a loving salutation rang through the valley
as softy I sang..
a great gift
with a breath
of loving promise
a tendril of life
twirling and touching
in search of loves nurture
outstretched and reaching
my girl of cherry blossom beauty
opened her eyes of felicity
with blue ocean innocence
and topaz starlight
in that precious moment of silence
cathedral bells rang
for a beautiful gift of gods grace was born
an angel named "Brittany"
Contest ~ "My Children"
My Sweet Girl ~ Brittany
Daughter of Ice, Child of the Flame
The Balance must always be maintained
Crimson sight, eyes of white
Walking tall and proud
Hungry soul, singing heart,
Believe in the magic of life.
Petal round the park
Choices good and bad
Move beyond the pain
Got to go
Got to move
Got to push
Got to focus
Focus past the pain
Only that it ends
Tiny little plants
Never giving up.
I long for a place that reflects who I am,
Not the darkness and confusion,
But my life and my love.
To actually want to come home,
To that dream where I truly live,
As I slumber peacefully,
Where nightmares don't roam.
I feel all the warmth,
Unknown to my mind,
A foreign word "mother" I'm called in this world.
I held her small body,
All wrapped in my arms,
A perfect mixture, of my lover and I.
And she sighs
Shrugs off she
Of homemade grace
Which haunts me
Darkness in night
White she flairs
Shimmers like sun
Sparkle like sheen
Haunts for every
A better light
For the innocence
A better life
For I sacrifice
So yet she can
VoicesNet Rate, Tweet, Facebook Like or
Thank you mom for all you’ve done
All the nights
All the time you spent with me
Held my hand
Shared my fears
I know I was a sickly child
ER nights were way to often
You were brave
stayed by me
I know I did not say it quiet enough so
Here in everlasting words
“Thank you Mom, I love you with all my heart”
Thanks to you, though I was always scared
I was never left alone
That means more to me then you will ever know
ER nights and ER days
So many different kinds of pains
Through all my tears
All my fears
You were brave enough for the both of us
You have always been my sourced of strength
I know I’ve said it once before
I have to say
From the bottom of my heart
I love you mommy
Thank you so very much
... Long moments of silence
As I watch them sleep
In Life there are times of blissful relief
From memories of life past
That we thought were UNKIND,
PaInFuL and WilD
How wrong ourselves we find
In the eyes of our soulmate
Made the poem for my daughter's birth circa 2004. Lost the copy, remembered only these
last few lines. It's actually long and I hope someday to find that piece of paper where I wrote
Deaf to my concerns and pleas,
They pried out the staples, too soon,
And I ripped open, spilling bright red
across the cold, maternity room floor,
Feeling butchered and ignored
as my shocked incision spread.
At home, motherhood is field dressed,
Feeling my 42 years, I cradle my miracle as
a kind, young nurse packs me with gauze.
I calm the bundle in my arms,
Softly singing as, yet again, pain grips,
Claws scoring my raw, parted flesh,
Yet I give – not receive – a soothing balm.
My gaze shifts from my dozing girl
to my exposed lower half, surprised,
Yet unfazed, realizing what it is to be born woman.
We are stronger than the earth’s pull,
But as soft as a newborn’s milky sigh,
Eve and I, riding agony’s waves while
Comforting our children’s cries.
By Cyndi MacMillan, January 9, 2012-01-09
For Nette Onclaud’s Age Contest
About this poem
After three, very long days, I finally gave in and had a C-Section. I knew, I just knew, I wasn’t healing. The unsympathetic nurse told me that if I wanted to leave the hospital with my baby then I’d better just let her take out the staples. So, she did. And ten minutes later I, literally ripped open. They do not re-suture you. They pack you with gauze for seven weeks. My parents had passed away, and there was no one to help with the baby. While the homecare nurse took care of my wound, I took care of my girl. One day I had an epiphany. Here I was, comforting this baby, soothing her, while I was naked from the waist down with a woman stuffing cloth into a six inch gap in my lower belly. Needless to say, it hurt, a lot. Yet I felt like I could do anything at that moment, as though I could move a mountain. While pulsing with pain, I felt powerful, whole, blessed. It is a memory I will forever cherish.
It's very true you never know
When they will make a fool of you
Imagine the scene was in the local church
The priest was enthuising about
It being Harvest Festival time
He spots young Mali walking down the aisle
Dressed in a lovely shiny blue dress
Carrying a trug of fruit and veg for the festival
Smiling and looking like an angel
Here comes Mali looking gorgeous
Bends to take the trug off her
whispers quietly, Mali you look really beautiful
The dress is so perfect for you,
When clearly into the hidden mic
A sweet little voice said
“My mother says it’s a bugger to iron”
The congregation were convulsed with laughter
except for one red faced woman
who wished the floor would open up
Moms and Dads are important in a child’s life.
I love kids but they are not what I see for me at the moment.
I have the love of many children
Who all receive the love that my own would.
Hugs, Kisses, Care and Treats.
Their smiles keep me on my feet.
An auntie’s duties are never done.
From the headaches to the fun.
I wasn’t only blessed with the life of one.
More like the mighty group of five in my life.
From when they were born they are all I could see.
The love that they give is enough for me.
One girl and four boys is quite a challenge
But not for an auntie like me
Because I got the power.
for in my spare time
yes, i would read
my final retrospect
to my dearest son,
but oh precious dauqhter
"come forth" i'd say
shade your qrey skies with qreen
lose all memory of 'he'
i dont want you anywhere near my apple tree.
i now soar hiqh above thee
but before i reside here
know that i died near-this apple tree
i bit into the fantasy of life
a foolish woman i was, makinq no riqhts
so the pain left only to return aqain
thunder busted my eardrums
for my tears cried silently
in spite of me
dauqhter leave this place
to be continued.
I wish I could take back the words that sliced through you like a dagger's blade. I wish I could
take back the mean slashes of verbal whips that have cut across you heart. I wish I could take
back the bruises of the negative punches that have made you fall. I wish I was able to pick you
up, dusk you off and forget it all ever happened. But I can't and I hope you forgive me for not
In a sunny moment of the morning
We were driving down the road
Mom looked at me in the rearview mirror
"You know, you're a pretty girl," she said
And I smiled and turned my head
Out the window
"Sometimes I think so."
oh, my darling
you and your
mama have gone
i am so afraid
i will never see
your joyous face again;
nor will i get to
look at your precious
hannah hair all twisted
up in little pig tails.
my heart breaks
for you; you have
of what is important
in life and what
i cry my sweetheart
i cry out for you
and your mama.
my heart is stolen
your innocence is
so precious and
i know you were
sent by God not for
us to claim you but
he is sharing you with
sometimes i think i
cannot go on; i
miss you so much.
i comfort myself
knowing that God
always has his reasons
you became our lives
my darling, innocent
i knew i would get hurt
if i loved you as much
as i knew i would....
but with complete
capitulation i loved
you and i love you
forever and my last
i love you without
regret. i cherish every
second with you.
i thank your mama for
coming home and letting
me back into her life.
God is taking care of
all of us, one step
at a time. i thank him
for the happiness and
time i have been given..
i want and need to
hold you and your
i want to
to watch how you
as you are
swinging on her
hip as you walk
up the sidewalk
you both smile
at me with those
big smiles. i have
that picture embedded
in my mind.
i stare at the pictures
that i took. i tried
to comfort your aunt
because she feels
and hurts so much too.
i say to her.."hannah
is not "our baby"... ...
our job is to love her
and her mama.
that is what we are
i want all three of my
darling girls to come
back.....i need for you
all to be here together
so i can spoil you
as much as i am able.
i love you sweet baby.
i love you my mindy.
and you my darling rebel
kimberly, you would be
so stunned if you could
see what my heart thinks
about you both. i wish you
could see in yourself
what i see in you.
so, now two of my three
darlings are gone
my darling, darling
precious jewels, you make
me so rich.
i will always be a constant
companion to each of you
every day and night ...so
fear not. no matter,... God is
on a mission with me, so i
you will know you are
in my heart of love with
every single breath
every single one
I've never time for me,
as I'm always thinking of others.
Busy being a mother, a wife and daughter too.
Always on time for appointments,
never like to keep people waiting you see.
I seem to put up with waiting for life around me.
I never say anything, I don't really mind.
I try my best to keep loved ones happy.
Favorite things, I know what they like.
And not forgetting coffee and cake with mum and dad.
I'll always have time for them.
I'm a shoulder to cry on and an ear to lend,
Hold my hand and talk to me, I'll be there.
I've never time for me,
except on Sunday's.
When I'll have a lovely soak in the tub with a good book.
And a do not disturb sign on the door.
By Emma Buckeridge
For contest : Love me why
Dimonds are not beauty. Beauty is people and things unknown. Things unknown that swirl around in a young child's mind and happiness amounts to a flower crown made for a small girl with the soul of a faire. Happiness that comes from the pure joy of looking in your mothers deep brown eyes and getting warm fuzzies . Joy that spills out into a smile when a wise woman tells her that the little floating fuzzies in the air are baby angels and that when it thunders it's just there mom singing them an angel sized lullaby a lullaby that makes her big blue eyes sparkle....But the wind changes and the sparkling in her big blue eyes fade and the flower crown withers and dies and the baby angels turn into dust and unknown things still bring joy. But so do things that bring trouble and those big brown eyes sometimes betray her and the thunder is just thunder and baby Angels and days of simple joy vanish ...But if she waits just for the right moment the clowds will gather and the sparkle returns to her big blue eyes and the wounderful liquid leaks out of the sky! spinning and spinning her hair dripping. She squeezes the big blue eyes shut and suddenly the baby angels return To the sky and the Flower crown gets a long drink of water and blooms once again and and the angel lullaby returns to the air and rings in her ears and those deep brown eyes watch her spinning and remember why they fell in love with her and
finally she is home !!
Taken aback by her glow
My heart surges with love
I watch her sleep throughout the night
Yearning for her to wake at suns first light
With pride I watch her play and explore
Throughout the day, learning more and more
I am filled with everlasting love
Yes, she is the one
Over and over,
more and more.
I do everything right,
at least it seems.
but fail to see you smile.
everything seems great!
Next morning comes,
but we start again.
What more can I do,
to change your ways?
Each day I cry,
Now I'm quiet,
shy and timid.
I want us back,
like the times before.
Though now those times,
are wash down shore.
I am oh so sorry Gail, for my immature, inconsiderate,
selfish life style and for all that being these things
has caused you to suffer through, you who did not
deserve to have any of this be a part of your life’s experience.
I am very proud of you my Dear, for no one but you,
brought you through to where you now are,
– that being far beyond us, in so many ways – leaving us,
who did little or nothing to help you get to where you are,
to stand back and admire your fortitude in the face of adversity.
What is truly amazing my Dear, is the fact that you accomplished
all that you have, in spite of the heavy weight of all that baggage
– all those insecurities, doubts and fears dragging you down –
you carried over stumbling blocks ( sometimes mountains )
that your mother and me, laid on your path, to the here and now.
Anyway Gail, after all is said and done, history is the past
and the past has passed, it once was a reality, left its mark,
scares that influence ( the degree, is a matter of wise choices )
and certainly becomes a parts of the present and of the future,
no one is able to change that, whether it is hereditary, genetic,
nature, nurturing or psychological, it is all a part of the whole.
How we perceive the past, what we believe it to be, how we live it,
how much we let it have control or influence, will be determined
by our desire, our strengths and weaknesses, our understanding.
I do, truly understand Gail, your need for answers, I was there once,
got the answer - the time I took you to Chicago – from your grandma.
I too, lived with doubts and uncertainties, for over thirty years,
then that weekend in Chicago, the answer came, confirming my years
and years of a belief, - a subconscious knowledge that, unfortunately,
was hidden behind clouds of doubts, shrouded in uncertainty,
that the confirmation of opened the door, gave me freedom,
released me from being enfolded by the wings of uncertainty,
the cage of doubt about my ability to perceive reality
for what it truly was / is, and I believe, will always be.
I hope Gail, ?, that you may also find that same freedom.
Freedom that comes, with confidence gained, from the knowledge
that you truly did know the essence of the reality
you were not quite so sure of as this story has unfolded
before your beautiful, brown, troubled eyes.
Anyway my Love, your life is the sum total of you,
of that, there is nothing that we can do !,
so live life to the fullest and best that you can,
that to me, seems exactly what you are doing Gail,
so please leave behind, let go, set aside all the baggage,
keep flying towards the very best of you and life.
Love dad .
B. J. “A ” 2
November 22nd 2003
How gorgeous she looked
White wings dipping into flames
The swan met the devil in a passion-fueled ballet
She left that place forever changed
And never saw again the world in quite
The same way
Instead she walked about, crimson blush
Clutching her breast
And you, the souvenir of Hell
Clinging to her chest
You grew up gorgeous, too
It's a wonder that this could be
How could anything so tragically beautiful
Come from anyone like me?
Now it's down to spilling beans
Naming names, taking claims
Claiming you, my princess
No matter what the fire brings
You are a daughter of the air
An heiress to the flames
What an ember; I watch you glow
Watch you beckon like a
Candle calls the shadows with its glare
I become entranced inside your dance
As you follow the brook to find the path
To who you are
But honey, you're looking in all the wrong places
I broke a mirror once, and what emerged
Look out below; the evening sky is falling
I can't hide in night for long
The day will break and you will know me
You will know me
You will know
The trees have shrouded you from me
As they parade me on their backs
Your hue bright enough from here to sing
This sailor out to sea, against the rocks
And shadows that will no doubt
Have my flesh
But this heart beats for you, your mother
Too, and will beat till it reaches light
Yet not until this leech rips his disease
Out from my skin
Will strength find me to strengthen
And give my passion song again
I dive into the ocean
Extinguished with my final breath
In water I'm not meant to tread
And am baptized instead
Graced by you, there is nearly nothing I could dread
You bathe me in your light
Goodbye, my dear, goodbye
How can I not always sleep
Until the crow of the cock?
How can I always sleep
And be half-awake, yet
Not caressed by the cane's crack?
How can I always jump up
From sleep so sweet
Not reaching in pain for my bare back?
How can I not?
Isn't she my father's fault?
I am Cordelia in King Lear
My love to you cannot be expressed
With meaningless words the man created.
I know you will never ask me
Or ever wanted to know
Because my deeds surely tells you
All the words you want to hear
The strangers came today
they said you were gone.
It's a mistake,
a sick joke,
a horrible dream.
You can't be gone.
It's too soon.
There's so much left unsaid,
so much left to do,
so much life left to live.
We need more time,
we need you.
So they're wrong…
and irrevocably, wrong.
It's a mistake,
a sick joke,
a horrible dream.
It has to be...
Yeah, of course it is.
Cuz I'm not ready.
Nowhere near ready
to let you go,
to say goodbye,
to accept the truth,
to face reality,
to admit you're gone.
So for now,
I choose to believe that
For now, they're wrong.
And everything's as it should be.
You are you.
We are as we've always been…
I am a kite,
My yellow heart trapped in the confines of
Two short poles.
My white ribbons spread around me like
Harsh streetlight rays
(In the mornings I conveniently dim to nothing)
I sway tamely to the rhythm of the breeze
I am at the wrong party.
I am stretched
My string spread out straight
Dead end road.
And I am wrapped around my father’s fingers
Which are whitening at the tips
He is scared.
Will I plummet
Or will I fly?
I am the child
For whom most parents suffer
I am the child
For whom most mothers go through pain
Yet I’m not given the needed attention
Some abandon me on the streets
Others,in deadly pits.
I am the child
The smallest in the society
Yet I grow up to be the greatest
I’m the child
Who grows up to be the future president, lawyer, doctor
And other desired men of the society.
I am the child
Who may also grow up to be the robber, murderer,
And other nuisance of the society.
All depending on the attention I’m given
So mum, dad and brethren
Let us all help create a better world for children
For indeed, an adult is a child who has really survived.
I suppose this is what
Happens when I show you
What has gone through my
Heart and has touched my soul.
A story that you should
One of names and games
Played at the expense
Of a child who had
Of being born
At the wrong time and date.
He speaks of a branch
Grown on the wrong tree,
And if nothing else,
This would be the story
That would speak to you,
For you are the branch.
But right now,
I feel as if it’s me.
Because when he is
And the screen is blank
All you can say is
And that you are confused.
I don’t know.
Have you been called
Too many 4 letter words
Starting with the 3rd character
By a daughter who should already
When you turned off
To the feelings she caused
Did you close off
Your mind as well?
This is the point
Where I realize
It’s not you that I
Am mad or disappointed
For thinking that
You could see why
This is important
Maybe I’m the
Do my children know how much I love them?
No, of course they don't.
They weren't allowed to know.
Do they know how intense the pain is,
to go forward,
while not being allowed
to be their mom, or their dad?
No, but they know the intensity of heartbrokeness,
while going forward,
without their parents,
whom they should have never been taken away from.
They know the depths of lack,
that they were never meant to know...
They know the fears and the terror
that a "supposedly good place"
will unmercifully and maliciously inflict.
They knew the courage, as babes,
that grown-ass folk
won't walk in.
They know that you can't trust
or the agencies,
or the people in those agencies,
that are suppose to protect them
and their family units.
How could they possibly know
the depths of my love for them?
When they are still
surrounded by people
and screwed with their beginnings?
We have hot oil in China,
Rising slowly from the ground
There is a deep dense fog hovering round
The air is smokey, so dense it seems green
The sun so hot it's making everyone lean
Curfews so early all think it's obscene
And the hot oil keeps rising, if you know what I mean
Hot oil keeps rising, it doesn't go down
It's been well over a month since it covered the ground
Machinery moves carelessly all through the night
I bothers us so much we boarded up the windows tight
I bought ear plugs but I gave them to my brother Mike
Bells keep bleeping on and off go the lights
So another pair of ear plugs I bought
School won't let me wear them, saying I'll rot
So I decided to grow my hair long
Hide my ear plugs under it all day long
But when I go home at night
And I cover up really tight
And I pray because theres nothing else we can do
Oh hear me Lord, don't let my mother find the ear plugs in my shoe
here I am
i'm pissed again
let others control my emotions
be the bigger person
but i just joined a weight loss program
be the grown up, girlfriend
just another test
oh ya thanks
thanks a bunch
for another test
hug a tree
bite your tongue
zip your lip
spill your milk
just don't be a witch
for the lack of a more suitable word
The old men defile the little girls
their lurid charm stabs the fragile screen of innocence and ignorance
The fathers are traveled or dead or down, or never known
The mothers weep, hands in air hoping to grab something helpful
The young girls, like rat to hawk become clutched by predatory hands
The old men squeal, cackle, and trumpet their victories
vile names for the captured,the newly shamed are shouted in complete revelry
The tricked lost their chance at being children
This calls for a smile from the most sinister observer
When the clouds
Become untied and divided
Sometimes, colliding together
Tumbling upside down or,
They are knocking each other around....
I know that's you up there
Guiding me, humbly along
So I am reminded again
To be strong and push aside
My longing and fear
I can hear you mumbling
" Hey brush aside them tears mummy "
So I stop the tears from
Being flooding tides I've hidden
And instead of crying
.........I send you........
Sweet whispers , hugs , and kisses
Up to the windward side
Where the babies all sing
Locked in my heart
Is the song I always sang
It eases the longing for you
Because I know, soon we'll be
As one, you and me!
You crucified my soul within,
With those sharp words you spoke.
You've taken away my life you gave,
Before my life was complete.
You chained me to this madness,
Of sick disoriented photos of pain.
And then you decided to toss me aside,
So this Hell bound evil could intoxicate my brain.
And under your swords of menace,
You punished my feeble heart.
And trashed me away into binges of hate,
So those demons inside could tear me apart.
And mutilated images of Hell,
Has fallen beyond my lost tormented soul.
And the evil seeds you planted inside,
Are blossoms of suicide that;ll always grow.
Why did you ruin such a pretty picture,
and taken away the only life I had?
I tried to be your perfect little daughter,
When you all were never, the perfect Mom and Dad!!!
“Come fluttering words, come drifting to me...” A Rambling Poet
A gentle breeze brings me the soft smell
So familiar it calms my tear-filled eyes instantaneously.
I venture closer to the source.
Two ebony, round vases resting atop a sill.
The scent of the roses and carnations flit about me,
As they did about her so little ago.
Yet we have laid her softly
After she was slain
Into the moist, soft soil from which her scent derived.
Always like a butterfly did flora float about her.
So small, and pale, with mahogany hair
When we found her lay flared about her delicate head
Like the halo our Father gifted her.
For it came about in such a gentle flow
And jade eyes, calm as the sea
In which we found her
They sparkled like the sun dancing off the waves.
Her eyes were open, and matched the swirling surf.
The tears flow silver from my own emerald orbs
I peer into mucky puddles lying about
And see her face in my own.
I bore her from my womb
Yet our Lord has called her home
To save her from the world's cruelty
An Angel to watch this land
I stopped to smell the flowers
Not rushing bust taking life in time
The wind blew by my ear
And I heard the whisper of a little Angel
“I love you, Mommy”
Contest: What is she thinking... - Constance La France ~A Rambling Poet~
And her charming life
Yet so loved
For nothing at all done
Her wondrous eyes
Always saw in marvel
But saw none of the one
Who held her so close
An innocence so rare
An image of Mary
She is the warmth
That thawed my heart
She is the patience
That taught me love
A mother is strong
But never aggressive
A child is naive
But its advice is wisdom
Let us be so my
a man comfortably stretched out on the bench
watches his little daughter run around,
looking out for sketchy folks,
while at the same time talking to her---
she giggles, continuing to want him to see
what she’s doing---
“look at me, daddy---look!” she cries out happily &
the whole while, a mall cop
(dressed to the hilt of irrelevant authority
complete with his black stetson,
a walkie-talkie &
a pad of paper to write down his little nothings on)
watches the father,
as he watches out for his daughter.
approaching the father with his back straight,
trying to stand as tall as possible,
adjusting his belt so that his gut doesn’t pop out,
he stops a few feet from him,
asking him directly just what he thinks he is doing,
letting his daughter run around in such a manner---
the father looks up, not believing what he is hearing---
“just go away…seriously, just go away,” the father told him.
the mall cop pulls out his little pad in one hand, holding the
walkie-talkie in the other---
“sir, if you do not take control of your daughter, there may be
consequences,” the mall cop foolishly continues.
the father gets up & approaches the cop,
in reality, much taller & larger than he had seemed stretched out on the bench---
while looking down at the mall cop, he doesn’t miss where his daughter is for a
“tell me how to take care of my child again---go ahead, i dare you,”
demands the father to the mall cop.
clearing his throat while simultaneously moving a few steps backwards,
the cop folds his little pad back up & hooks his walkie-talkie back to his belt---
“very good sir,” he mutters, does an about-face in the other direction &
Alone in the world
he makes his way
no one to show him
right from wrong.
Beaten and abused
he rises above
the ashes of the past
covered in bruises and blood.
Sobbing and heartbroke
he screams his pain
out to a god
his baby in hold
Wishing to change the past
praying for a new life
his little girl there remains
dead and cold
He vented his anger
and killed his little jewel
the gem of his eye
now forever immortalized
in those diamond tears.
The baby lay on her bed,
A satin soft pillow under her head,
Pretty, pretty little brown eyes,
Rose bud mouth to say, "bye, bye".
There was no doubt that she was ill,
Skin so pale as she took her pill,
Soft brown eyes no longer happy,
Rose bud mouth to weak to cry.
Sweet little fingers quiet and still,
Golden curls wafting 'round her face,
Tears rolling down her parents' cheeks
For they had been praying for two, whole weeks.
Then the miracle happened, late at night,
God spared her the Dark Angel's might,
Sweet little lips, now laced in smiles
As once again, she shows her wiles.
I can’t wait for the day I’m home,
But where is home?
Is it a past memory of childhood of the family sitting around the living room watching the TV with a takeaway on a Saturday night?
Or is it the future that’s yet to be created, a family of your own and a new place to call home?
Maybe it’s a feeling one of love and joy the kind you first created playing as a young boy?
But I believe it is not just one of the above, but them all in twined into a magical feeling, one of wonder and belief.
It is to complex for us to understand now but trust me my friends, when your home . . . you’ll know.
Doris' procedure is today
It is laparoscopic which is not as bad as open incision but still surgery
Followed by only clear liquids for a week
Then protein shakes
Then pureed baby food
Then food introduced slowly
She was really anxious yesterday..Concerned if she had made the right decision, etc.
My first daughter Marina died when she was
only 5 month old. It is still so painful.
My little girl always in my heart and she
would be this year 29 years old.
I am writing now and I am crying...
My first daughter Marina, my little beauty
Your smile and your laughter made us happy.
You died when you was only a little baby
My heart was broken and my soul is still in pain.
I can not forget the day when you came to this world
In the spring, when leaves and flowers were celebrating with me.
I can not forget the day when you left this world
In the fall, when the sky and the rain were crying with me.
I will never see you again, my little beauty
I can not hug and kiss you all those years.
I will never forget you, my little baby
I have a heartache, and a lot of tears.
You was sick with laryngitis which got worse
No one was able to help you, even the doctor.
Forgive us that we could not safe you
I am praying and asking God and you, Daughter.
love and passion has taken its action
one night of fun, now look at what's begun
little baby growing slow
little baby held in below
my bundle of joy, my family's new toy
nine months of wait
to get a new playmate
nine months of wait
a small taste of fate
little baby, an uplift in my spirit
little baby, she has no limit
because of one night, a new life will ignite.
MOMMA MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
TAKING ADVICE I WILL HAVE TO THINK
MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL INSTITUTION
THE PASTOR KINDLY REMINDED US OF THE
THREE FOLD CORD AND IT EXCLUDED YOU.....
MOMMA MIND YOUR MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD AND
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES
She wonders what you’re doing
and how you're living life
what new things did you learn today
and how did you sleep last night
did you feel raindrops on your face
or sunshine in your eye
of all the questions left uknown
the biggest one she has is why
why can’t you be together
why can’t she watch you grow
why can’t she guide you through this world
this she just does not know
but she promises you’ll be together
no matter how long it seems
just know your always in her heart
and always in her dreams
Poem is dedicated to a dear friend of mine
P.G Always remember sweetie true love is never lost, you will meet again someday.
Theres a momment when you realize your not a little girl anymore.
Mommy and daddy arn't there to run too.
You have to make your own choices.
Your finely free.
You get to do what you want.
No one setting rules for you...
Your life is perfect...
This momment is the one you've been waiting for...
But now that its here...
Your eyes are getting teary...
Already longing for the "good old days"
The good old days where...
Mommy would sing you to sleep...
Daddy would rock you in his lap when you where scared...
You knew you where safe...
You didn't have to worrie about being judge...
You knew when you got home there was someone to love you...
That was the good old days...
Now its time...
Time to go...
Go out on your own...
To go out and start a life of your own...
All grown up...
You're not a little girl anymore...
To start a life of your own...
Daddy, when I First saw YOU; I was looking into Mommy’s Green Jade Eyes
She was speaking of YOU, as she would quite often do, Reminiscing with YOU
The Tears in Her Eyes, are those of Surprise Her FOREVER and ALWAYS Begins
Dear Joanne Naomi, when I First saw YOU, the clock read 3:22, a sunny day
As I read the Words; “Dear Son I know I should have told YOU Long ago -
LENORE was 3 Months Pregnant on Your “Everlasting Day” JOANNE NAOMI
You Look like Your Mother, and I can see the Green in YOUR Hazel Eyes
I wish I could watch YOU grow-up. Daddy wait until we get to the Pond of Time
Pond of Time?? You can travel through Time? No, We can Watch Times’ Past
Will I have been standing on the sidelines, watching everyone go after their goals. I been missing out on the finer things that life has to offer. Seeing you there reminds me of brighter days. Hearing your laughter, reminds me of the day my dreams all changed.
‘Cause, I been blessed, wouldn’t change it for the world. Nothing sweeter than you. You’re that shining star, the beacon at sea. I thank the good lord for giving me you, nothing can change the love I have for you.
Will I have been standing on the sidelines, watching everyone have their fun. Now its later, you can see them down an out.
‘Cause, I been blessed, with having you as a daughter. You lifted my heart higher, each day I see you. You’re that shining star, the beacon at sea.
If I was a sailor, I would hurry home to you. Can’t get enough of that laughter, don’t like seeing a frown on your face.
Will I been standing on the sidelines, watching everyone reach to the stars. When I have one right here. Yes, I been standing on the sidelines.
I look at this world, and nothing can change my mind. There be trouble on the horizon, terrible times ahead. People getting hurt, always sad an blue. I put them in prayer as with everyone.
‘Cause, I been blessed, with writing these words. A pure melody, straight an narrow, they are flowing like a stream. Nine in the morning, an everything is going to be alright.
‘Cause, I been blessed, with this life. Wouldn’t to change it, wouldn’t to lose it. I would love to share, so here I sit writing these words.
Oh, I got a melody running through my head, as I write these words. Sounding like country, maybe its an oldie. But none the less, its pure straight from the heart.
Flowing like a river, steady as a stream. Let it span out there, like the clouds in the sky. Showing everyone in the world, that I got this love for them. My heart is being true, it is solid. This thing is flowing like a river, steady as a stream. Nothing rocky bout this love of mine.
‘Cause, I been blessed, with having a daughter - who is just like you…
‘Cause, I been blessed.
‘Cause, I been blessed..
‘Cause, I been blessed…
I dusted a single crimson lock
from my mouth
as I whirled my body
from the crusted white paint
My favorite shoes met blackened tar
in light, airy steps--
Left, then right.
Shifting my WEIGHT
wind in my eyes,
my hands grasped
two shiny plastic handles
Left, then right.
Balancing myself with determination,
I s l o w l y turned my body,
aligning it with your gaze.
your eyes were perfectly
in the door frame.
I looked into each individually--
Left, then right.
Each pupil was dilated with images:
The wind suddenly escaped
my eyes and r u s h ed
to your throat.
You exhaled it from each
of your lungs--
Left, then right.
The wind carried y o u r w o r d s,
in a weakened croak.
As the wind made its
to my eyes,
the creases on our mouths
I silently curved my body
The wind waiting
behind me, ready to carry.
My hands GrippeD
on two shiny plastic handles,
It lif t e d me away--
Away from the crusted white paint,
from the single paned windows.
My Daughter of time
My daughter of 1989
The face that etches in mine
Can you not see my pain
Plastered on my sleeve
Why have you turned from mine
The time capsule so rare
Love define in our hearts
Forgotten on some hill
Please turn back 1989
Being there I am secure
Endure the emotion of play
Please turn back and stay
My Daughter of 1989
Yesterday my daughter and I walked through the mall
As they began to close shop, lock doors, turn off the lights.
She had gotten a haircut followed by a long dinner
Served by a Native American woman with a thick waist,
Who probably dreamed of bigger things once upon a time.
A black baby screamed at her white mother
From an adjacent table which her four year old boy
Had made into a jungle gym complete with
Flying bread and a rocky lemonade waterfall,
None of which disturbed the young Latino couple
Trying to form some eternal bond in a corner booth
Over shared ice cream and awkward smiles -
All under the shadow of a moose head mounted on the wall.
In the jewelry store a tight lipped white woman cleaned the glass cases,
Wiping the fingerprints of young dreamers away.
In the nail salon a small Asian employee soaked her feet
Laying back in the large leather chair, eyes closed,
Oblivious to the man who swept the floor beside her.
In children’s clothing a teenage girl arranged miniature outfits
For miniature people, hanger after hanger of tiny pink dresses.
Even though she is ten now and too old for the devotion
She once showered upon me until I wanted to shake it off,
She held my hand tightly and bounced along beside me
Like she had before she began to turn into a woman.
An elderly lady smiled as we passed and grasped
The hand of her husband a little tighter, remembering.
February 12, 2014
My daughter does not touch me any more.
She used to come and kiss me every night,
And sometimes she would sit on my lap for a while,
But she has not even touched me for so long now …
I know she still loves me.
She shows it in so many little ways
That make me happy,
But she does not touch me …
She seldom tells me the truth,
(And that hurts me,
Though I try not to let her see)
But I know the reason for that …
It is because she loves me.
She thinks I need to be protected
From the pain of knowing her pain.
(I, who should be her protector … )
She is mistaken:
But I understand her motive
And I love her the more for it,
But my daughter does not touch me any more …
I think sometimes she wants to,
But the years of disuse have created
An insurmountable barrier
For us both …
We want it to be
Like it is in the movies,
But it is not.
This is real life …
There is no ‘golden opportunity’
To make it right again.
Neither of us can go back,
Nor can we un-live the past …
It is done, and cannot be undone,
Even though neither of us is to blame
For whatever happened then.
(Whatever did happen then?)
There is, in me,
A certain hollow,
Which can only be filled
By my daughter’s touch …
I believe there is, in her,
(Though she may deny this)
A corresponding hollow,
Which only my touch can fill …
The problem is,
Because she does not touch me,
I am debarred from touching her,
And so both our needs remain unfulfilled …
As the time has passed,
That hollow has grown into a hole,
And the hole has grown into a deep chasm,
Because she des not touch me …
And the chasm has grown,
Until now it is a cosmic void.
A vast emptiness,
Contained within me … and her …
Where the howling tempest of loneliness
Scours our souls of all human comfort,
Because my daughter does not touch me …
(This was written some years ago, during the teen years.
When her own daughter was born, she came back to me!
Perhaps Hollywood's not so silly ... )
I can only imagine as I look towards the heavens the
beauty your eyes must have beheld as you entered
What a magnificent paradise God has created for your
home coming, a sight only believers will ever behold.
I can only imagine you running, dancing and praising
God for the new body he has given you, no more sickness,
no more pain.
Finally, Brandi, you are a whole and beautiful young lady filled
with all the goodness God has to offer.
I can only imagine what our reunion will be like, when
one day we will all be together singing with the angels and
lifting our hands worshipping the lord.
At night when I lay my head on my pillow, and dream of you,
my beautiful daughter, I can only imagine.
You have entered my life
and have made such a remarkable difference!
Your gentle warm smile erases all my cares
and your bright brown eyes radiate hope of a bright future
" You're one in a million"
a rare and costly diamond.
You're truly a blessing, a gift from heaven.
You have a permanent place in my heart
and my love for you will never diminish
You're my precious baby girl
I don't know racism
but I do know
in my face
well, I didn't stand for that
even if I had to grab
the neighbor's kid
to translate for me
on my Chinese face
I had Julia write
a Formal Complaint
the principal agreed
and did nothing
a weak woman
just imagine if I knew english
the hardest thing
was letting them walk on us
timid and quiet Chinese
no Chinese in government
no social services
I came too early
Anxiety Mandy .
Anxiety is not but fear disguised as the void of uncertainty.
Anxiety / fear – know, the only thing to fear, my Dear, is fear itself.
Anxiety can harm you, can kill you, has only the life you give it.
Anxiety has – as you know only too well – has always left you.
Anxiety is not going crazy, is not insanity my Dear !
Anxiety is an emotion, is psychological, is physical.
No matter the source, no matter the triggers,
in the final analysis, you are in control,
you are the control, not anxiety !
Anxiety, my child, needs – from you – a good kick in the ass,
sent on into that black abyss from whence it came,
never again to enfold its menacing wings around your fragile soul.
Until that time comes, stand tall, look that fool right in the eye,
spit in its face with all the courage and strength of character
that has carried you, thus far, a step above phobia and anxiety.
B. J. “A ” 2
October 25th 2003
he was the crusty cocoon covering the caterpillar
boneless, yet filled with vibrant life, and belittling
the very source of her security, and the sacrifices
the casing made to transform frailty and un-beauty
later to lighter flight, much fluttering with splendour
of myriad colours as of acrylic paint and clear-coat
for weathering both the hot sun and the wet rain
before seizing the right moment to flirt with another
and never return to the cocoon, the first house
that remains deserted, forever a broken heart, blood
now dried, able to give no more life, mere useless
clothing, like the shed skin of a snake now escaped
I fully remember my earlier life completely as a man
People of my village used to call me Phony
Who was killed with a shot gun fired at close range.
The reason was I made a pretty girl pregnant.
There’s a party with masks and horrid dresses
A girl extended her hand, took a walk on a lake
Saw an old house not lived in for many years.
We had it all the house, nothing could stop us.
After a few months, whispers went around about
An unmarried girl with round tummy gifted with a child
But I could detect her because of a mole on her upper lip.
Before I could see her, some people shot me dead.
I still bear array of birthmarks tallying a gunshot blasts.
I often visit the village in this life and often see the woman
With the mole and her son exactly a carbon copy of Phony.
June 26, 2014
Form : Free Verse
Dr. Ram Mehta
Fourth Place Win
Contest: Past lives by Carolyn Devonshire
Little ones, just close your eyes.
I'll sing you off to sleep.
And while you dream, you'll
hear my voice.
Soothing, loving, unique.
My little ones, I wish you
rest and calmness,
For my warmth and love
will shelter you,
for the rest of your existence.
You will always be my angels,
no matter where you are.
Gone too soon, but loved
I wrote this to help someone special to me:
I lost my daughter today.
Sadness threatens to overwhelm me.
Grief consumes my every thought.
Pain fills my entire body.
The words send a shock to my heart.
My legs fail me as I fall to the floor
Knowing it was to come,
Realizing it is in God’s will,
Nothing makes it easier to deal with.
My heart crumbles under the weight
I know all the pieces will never be found.
A wound created that will never heal.
A constant reminder of what is gone.
Desire to become a forever family.
Hope of taking away too much pain.
Dreams of her eyes filling with child like joy.
Plans of everyday growing up and learning
All cause to mourn, all things I won't get to again see.
I long for the comfort others might have,
Joy her in the arms of someone who truely loves her,
Peace in knowing she is being properly cared for.
The knowledge that we will be together again.
I lost my daughter today.
There are no kisses to brighten my soul.
No grave to visit and seek refuge at.
The rest of the world will never notice,
For the daughter I lost was never really mine.
She is alive somewhere else
Not by my choice but by theirs
For it is not I that gets to kiss her good night
I lost my daughter today at yet it is like the world does not care
Really she was more mine than theirs...
I lost my daughter today...
I lost my daughter today...
Don't worry baby girl we will be together ....
The sun sets while the loyal footsteps
of a shadow enveloped in a drape of rudhira
walks down from one corner of the house to another
in obedience. Multiple jobs and multiple voices call
out her name every second, asking for a lifelong performance.
Happiness in the smiles of others, the belief
that is carried; ingratitude is ignored.
Selling pieces of herself for
their sake, vaulting the tears in a closet and wishing
for the dawn to come sooner.
The image of her likeness stands up,
and cuts the cramp of her sheets of toil,
metamorphosing it into a modern art,
walking down the streets under the
sun of liberation.
Parents and spouses to their photo's they look, Another
hero was killed fighting for our freedom. Lost
so far from his home and family, Today
we continue to send our sons and daughters, But
there will come a day when, They
will live as free as we do. Will
we ever learn from these theatres, Never
again should we out live our children. Be
cause' another was lost today, but they will never be, Forgotten
" I hope i have done this form devised by Dane Ann and HG proud "
You try to hurt me with your vicious words,
Sayings that are not repeated.
You push me up against the wall,
Yet I am not defeated.
I tell no one of the abuse;
My thoughts are now in silence.
I try my hardest to defend myself;
Yet I can’t escape the violence.
No matter how hard I try to impress you;
My efforts are all in vain.
No matter how fast I run-
I can’t escape the pain.
You blame everyone else for your torment;
Then you can’t look in the mirror.
I tried to point it out to you-
But I can’t be any clearer.
My vision is all cloudy now-
From tears threatening to fall;
Why we were even fighting-
I can’t seem to recall.
The cycle of hate continues-
As evil need not rest.
I try to help as well as I can;
But you think that you know best.
Awake crying in the darkness
Hungry must be fed
Nursed, changed, swaddled
Rocked and laid gently into the bassinet
Lonely wanting to be held
Awake crying in the darkness
Why, God? Why?
Are you lonely? Do you not have enough
company? You mean to tell me
that it is so empty up in Heaven that you just
had to take my daughter’s mom? At 38 years old
you just had to have
her, didn’t you? I can picture it; all that room and
you’re just thinking, “Hmm, you know, I think I
need to make someone suffer for
a couple of months in front of her 8 year old
and 13 year old daughters, then take her
and have her up here to keep me company.” Yup,
I figure that’s pretty much what
You were thinking. Why else would you take
her? You needed a nurse that badly? She was a
good nurse in her day, you know. And
you forced my little, now 9 year old daughter to
be a nurse, taking care of her mom during the
months you saw fit to make her suffer. Yeah,
that was real necessary, huh? I suppose that’s
part of her training or her maturation process. How
much do you require of your subjects? What
price worship? Do you need blood to love? She’s
only nine years old! Why did you take
Why God, why?
March 29, 2008
We have rebounded well from this loss. My daughter is
happy and strong. I have since forgiven God and he
has forgiven me.
I walk in, It almost feels cold
Letting go to all the unknown
That ring you got me a promise we didn’t keep
a frame of a picture of us
You didn’t stay out long enough for me to need
The key to the house
That we couldn’t afford to love
And here are my mom tears that I couldn’t afford to give up
Then last are the broken promise that were made to keep
I lost a friend, a dad, a house, and maybe me
But you can have it all whatever you need
I’m looking for something that was taken from us
Please pawnshop I’m begging it’s a must
He is ours for us to keep…tell God he belongs to me
He’s too young to be up there
Please …just tell me if you find him anywhere
In dedication of ended relationship, a father who is always in jail, a family home we lost and lastly my 17-year cousin who was take from us to soon
today I didnt expect this but hey what can i say
im the bad one now so woot woot hooray
im the one who had a child and turned my back on it
im the one who got its hopes up and stepped on it
im the one who never calls on its birthdays until three weeks later
coming up with excuses so it can feel better
but when it tried to leave me i just couldnt let it go
so i did what i know best and grabbed on its hopes
and i stepped on it yet again, im the bad one now so lets not forget
and wow it got crabby but i didnt care, why should i when i was never there
but hey it was a mistake, the only reason why i talk to it so i can continue this game
why should i take blame, it should blame itself, if it never exist i wouldnt be living in hell
it left me finally woot woot hooray now i can live my own life without it in my way
so in the future if i ever see it, i will just continue to walk on by as if it didnt exist.............................
she now knows love
love, not a lifeless thing
that she used to talk about those days
while carrying a backpack
full of books and binders
a mustang she wanted to drive
symbol of success and speed
a perfect blend with boom
and the ooze of black-gold
but today for her
only one thing that matters
living with a man
sharing his failure
to graduate from a high school
that teaches not techniques
to survive that stoppage
of an upward movement
and a free flow of more
she carries with care
as if holding the first university degree
that will open the greater door
to a doctorate
to walk around with a prefix
before her name
now she smiles, inside
every time she feels that kick
a little stretching
in that cozy cave
intricately decorated convocation hall
calling him, her baby
while feeling that wall, outside
her boy will soon graduate
to enjoy her love
her success, her own graduation
to that new title – Mum
On this the first anniversary of your birth
Loved ones gather around to share this blessed
Mya Lee Ann you are truly a gift from above
A gift that fills many hearts and lives
A ray of sunshine to be shared among many
Thankful we are to God every day for sending us
Our little angel
Mya Lee Ann
My Baby Girl...
Cirly blond Hair like the sun.
Deep blue eyes like the sea.
Heart warm as can be.
I'm thankful to have you
in my life
And have a beautiful
Daughter as yourself
Sing me a soft lullaby
to hush away my fears
Pull your arms around me
Wipe away my salty tears
Sing to me of muddy shoes
And someone asking for a dime
Tell me who rips your heart out
And handles it with care
Sing to me of angels and a whisper of a prayer
sing to me a lullaby
That ill sing my unborn child
Hold me tight and brush my hair
Away to see my smile
Sing me into slumber
Where happiness exists
Sing me a soft lullaby
And ill finally get some rest
Splats of red take the plunge,
Right below her screaming eyes
Tarnishing her white pillow case
A foster mother in rage
Cheese grader, as if that is the solution
Time truth conquers over her gripped hands
Dizzy in fear, she takes the child
Hides the truth behind those white walls
And leaves her
Not one look back
Standing high upon the knot
In my ladder years,
I claimed to be the king.
Now, the crown horrifies me.
Still some gentle cruise is within me.
Like Saturn turned upside-down.
Would we notice the madness in the crème?
If there’s anyone that’s going to point the way for you it’s me.
Not out of self-aggrandizement, out of pure love,
And full, final redemption for all my short-comings.
How do I stop the avalanche?
Why do I feel I need to stop the avalanche?
Is it really an avalanche?
Or do I like playing with visions,
Responding to my own antics with mock melodrama?
Let the bizarre stay bizarre.
I’ll be in the corner selling coconuts.
the illuminating sounds of summer
first there is birds sweet sernarding amidst cottonwoods
and if your lucky enough even capture whispers of the wind speaking
down in a lustrous valley of green and don't forget about
echoes of an eagle encircling the blue yonder looking for it's mate
or you can capture sounds of a babbling brook flowing
down an winding outcrop stream but to me
I think my favorite sound thus far is the laughter of my child's voice
and the sizzling sounds of hot dogs and hamburgers
being made on my grill as were watching fireworks display
from the back of a twin engine houseboat floating down
a rivers edge Oh the sounds of summer would be nil
if I would awake from this enchanted dream
She called late at night
to tell me of his passing.
I listened for tears yet
I heard very few.
My decision was made
in the silhouette stillness.
I'd not be attending though
my thoughts were consumed.
Ravished by the past
I'm a dark-hearted daughter.
There's no guilt anymore
but the feeling's hard-spent.
Though the years have rolled on
and my soul is well traveled
forgiveness is freedom
I am not ripe for yet.
A child's trust was broken,
the pieces well scattered.
Long time to glue them
So I won't be there mourning
the loss of tormenter.
Someday I'll be able
to forgive them both.
She's always a silly head
Be proud my friend of your accomplishments
Be proud to have weathered adversity
Be proud in your attempts to not give up
Be proud and enjoy all you have achieved
Be proud to have your loving family
Be proud that you are my inspiration
This poem is dedicated to my beautiful daughter Louise.
Your hair. Your eyes. Your last name.
What else did I get of yours father?
No that's mothers, it's obvious.
Your love of music?
We'll never know.
Your love of motorcycles?
Well I'm not quite there yet.
Your hate of caring for small children?
Yes, yes I got that father.
Did it hurt you to say “give it up”?
Because it hurt me to know
I would do exactly the same.
Am I like you father?
Why yes, yes I am.
For twenty years
I have shed tears
And for you.
All these years
Of teaching you
Just to tell you
And sit down
So here you are
About to walk
Down the isle
To say, "I do"
Our lives will change
Testing A T & T's service
Be the lady
Change into the woman
You are meant to be
Love doesn't conquer all
In just one heart beat
Everything takes time
Life is about choices
I made mine
Through better or worse
I am proud
Of all you are
"I Love You"
Love is discovered in so many ways
Different kinds we share today
For love is near, not far away
Have you discovered your love today?
Every time a mother gazes at her new born baby
Love is discovered in another way
A mother’s love does not change
It only grows as her child changes
A Father’s pride is how he shows his love
Love is discovered in another way
A father’s love is always shone through pride
In the works his children have done
When a child gets a pet
Love is discovered in another way
A child’s love is unchanged
Tears fall when the pet finally goes away
As we grow and as we change
Love is discovered in new ways
Be you a husband, father, mother, or wife
Love is sure to follow you all of you life
In the loneliness of darkness
In the backlash of cruel words
My mind seeks your comfort
As the pages in the fire curl
Ink bleeds sharply
Into my paper skin
Lines of your etchings and your poems
Embedded deep within
From my lips seep a whisper
In my dreams I call your name
Tears of my rain
Drip down your window pane
Shattered mirrors reflect your eyes
Like a window through time
The first day you swore you loved me
The day you got tangled in your lies
Still in this frozen moment
I remember a song we once sang
Our lips met in softness
Becoming morphine to our pain
Our lullaby I softly sing
Listening to the mirage of a piano
Now like silk I lay draped
My heart taking comfort
In the memories that we made
Bright blue skies on a spring day
Fulfills my horizon
Blue birds and robins pass me by
Mountain, trees, and animals
Priase God Abroad
The frsh air bring forth calmness
A quiet serene a waits my soul
Red orange and violets
Represents God's glory
Flowers slowly rise with the sun
And water crickets sings songs of glory
Fresh water arises with the scent
Of of sweet savory of God's spices
Beach rolls in the lazy tide
I sit back and enjoy it all
The art of spring is glorification
Of all tings God created
He's the world famous artist
Behold the blue eyed keeper of at least a million stars!
See her shimmer.....riding on childish giggles
in a beam of alabaster colored light....
A tiny flying sprite bouncing off an infinite sun
Tinker bell with soft chocolate hair
Dashing through a macrocosm of music
(a bit raucous yet appealing)
Watch her cavort the cosmos
as she sprinkles magic dust
from her chubby baby hands
Twinkles of a luminescent fairy
Catch her dancing past
with her pint sized silver wings
Go on and dance little sprite!!
Rock on Tinker Bell Rock on!
You are sunny summer in the wistful winter
Blueberry eyes and sweet cherry cheeks
from your unrepressed laughter
All that is innocent
Like a sudden full moon on a pitch dark night
Fly through space on your miniscule wings
Circumnavigate the galaxy...oh..wee one!
A dusting falls on my weary soul...
Behold the blue eyed keeper of at least a million stars!!
Behold the keeper of my heart
NOTE: What can i say, my daughter loves to squat down
until her bottom almost touches the floor and bob up and down
to Hard Rock...it just cracks me up!
It has been less than a week
Since I saw her big smile
It so feels like forever
I miss her very much
You went and took her from me
With your cheating ways
It hurts me so much baby
Not to see your face
I'll visit you tomorrow
we'll have a grand time
I can't wait to see you smile
Hear your little laugh
Oh my little baby girl
It will be so great
We will play your favorite games
Laughing all the time
I'm here for you forever
Always by your side
Please call me if you need me
Daddy always cares
Goodbye, My Sweet Angel
Tears trickle down her freckled cheeks
Eyes red and blurred
She gazed at me
Trapped inside her father's speeding truck
I following , running screaming her name
She, screaming mine
Legs burning, stinging, tiring
Tears running down my face
Her dainty red nose, pressed against the glass
Weaker with every stride
Petite hands, pressed to the window
My pace slows, can not go any longer
Yelling her sweet name
Sobbing, to my knees
The truck, disappearing, gone
I had lost her
Goodbye, my sweet angel
Your smile is like sunshine
Brightening my darkest days
Your laughter is like fresh air
It’s so clean and so pure
Your intelligence surpasses your age
There is no stopping you
You are my best accomplishment
And you deserve the best
I hope to be that for you
I refuse to give you any less
My eternal gift for you, my child?
My heart of unconditional love.
I will always live my life
Making up for my poor choices
Decisions that directly affect you
My heart bleeds for you
My soul cries even harder
I hope you understand one day
I made a promise to you
The moment I knew of your life
I would never abandon you
I will always stay by your side
I would never leave you
Because you are a part of me
Right now, it’s just me and you
Our trio has gone down to two
I’ll do my best to make it up to you
Doing what it takes to protect your heart
Despite not being complete to society
I hope I’m enough for you to feel whole.
Her eyes spoke of love beyond any comparison.
Simple glances she could speak volumes of words.
No language spoken by voice though much power,
Intently she was observant to her surroundings.
Graciously she painted concern with attitude.
Sometimes so sternly advocating her desires,
Strong and dainty from her facial expressions,
Strong and firm her deliverance was given.
Protector of family for eighteen years she gave.
Her mind was efficient and carried life high.
Not a companion a family member so dear,
She witnessed illness, took action quickly.
Strong mind but weakened body, driving forward,
Asking in her gaze, she told of needs and desires.
Her name, Heidi, a game she played when young.
Carrying it forward to daily actions she had won.
Hiding her eyes from anyone, no one could see.
Upon her face as she gazed back, unhidden now,
Was a glory and loving smile, with sparkling eyes.
She shall be remembered with such affection true.
Lost we are now without her presence each moment,
Quietness passes our days and nights without her walk.
No “Tick Tick Tack“as her paws use to tap the floor.
Missing her yawn upon her first wakeup each day,
Her presence no more still reminded by our hearts.
Her spotted coat remembered by all our surroundings.
Dalmatian by breed, Living Angel, now Angel in Heaven,
Upon a future time, we’ll be reunited, with a living Angel.
Written in Memory, for much more than a dog,
She was a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, protector, friend, buddy, pal, neighborhood
watcher, along with so much more.
Joking, gelling, sharing
Four amigos all together
Im sorry for the wrongs i've done against you
Though you cant prove just what that is
I'm sorry for not being the child you wanted
Though i have tried
I'm sorry for taking away the life you so desired
Though it was no fault of my own
Im sorry you are ashamed to call me blood
As i am ashamed to call you mine
Im sorry for the tears i've shed to your embarrassment
Those I wish i could hide
Im sorry that i was your obligation
When i should've been your priority
Im sorry for not being perfect
Like the sister you seem to worship
Im sorry for ever being born
If only i could've turnt back the hands of time to my own undoing
Im sorry you cant understand me
For i wish not to understand you
Im sorry for begging pleading screaming for affection
Knowing all i would get was your rejection
Im sorry you want me to be something im not
Something i woulndn't change for any one
I know know that you'll never accept me as i am
I know that i will never change for you
I know there is no place for me in your home much less your heart
For me to have stayed and continued
this sick twisted game
To see how much of a masochist i could be to myself
to see the pure sadistic pleasure i could derive from bleeding you dry
well now the game has ended
and im not sorry to say
this is goodbye
I know we have always been worlds apart
These tears that pool
In the dark corners of bright rooms
Monsoons couldnt wash them away
These are the ones that define us
The ones that sit in the recesses of our minds
Rusting away at what we think is our core
Provoking the winds that blow closed our shutters and open our doors
These winds that blow fierce
Through your forest and across your bay
You can't catch them in your sails
They are not meant to move you
But to ruffle your feathers
And bring waves to your seas
To shake everything that you thought was serene
And to bring on the tears that pool
In the dark corners of bright rooms
My son is nine years old;
we laugh, read, cry, paint,
draw, watch cartoons, fish,
play at the park, and do homework
I love having a son:
After eight years of trying we still
have not conceived. When my dream of having a
baby girl has come true, her name will be......
Inspired by " fabulous fantasy"
hosted by -christie Moses
In your eyes
I see Beauty.
That shines bright.
I see some one who
Is meant for greater things,
Than any one in the world.
I see the stars
In ur eyes
I see the sun
That lights the night sky.
I see a world
Where Love exist,
Even in a broken world.
“Apple of his eyes, yes that’s me. Can’t you see?"
Name brand bags
Outfits like crazy ONLY Hanna Montanna got more.
Check out the pony he brought me last month
Check out the mini diamond bracket and check out my bank account.
Daddy’s little princess, yes, that’s me.
Daddy says he will take me to Paris as soon as he closes the deal.
“Apple of his eyes, yes that’s me. Can’t you see?"
Still, and again
“Ogongo” crept into my mouth
As I behold the two nocturnal creatures
We have waited endlessly
No longer in my Aunt’s place,
But we became unsolicited watchmen
At the streets gate entrance
It was an ungodly hour
Darkness had key to everywhere
Still, and again
I winked at my cousin
He nodded, and murmured
“They are on their way”
But when midnight started knocking
Out of the furfuled dusk
Appeared the two nocturnal “Ogongos”
One bringing back the memory of the famous Yokosuna
Of the Heavy weight with an heavy duty
To her chest,
Were a very big size-less eve’s apples?
Her mean look compliments her dark complexion
Her burnt lips. . . Reddish eyeballs speak of her as a chimney
My cousin I pity from within my heart
Her hyena-like laughter
Turned me back to the second “Ogongo”
Of a lesser weight to the former
Her Eve’s apples were almost not there
“Bad catch, worst choice”
I echoed to myself until I saw
Her roundly shaped protruding buttock
Speaking louder than a loud-speaker
It overshadows her duck-like ugly mouth
It was an undeniable asset
Indeed, the “Ogongos” are both endowed
With a Unique Selling Point (UPS)
With these, I had taught they can never
Run out of good prices in the market.
Lo and behold,
At the crucial product delivery point
I rushed out of my room
Only to see my cousin outside too
Looking worried and dejected
The “Ogongos” are over-used products
The expiry date lapsed long ago
The USP was a flash in the pan
We both slept in the parlour
Leaving the “Ogongos” in their different rooms
It was a bad deal in a bad day.
Alayande Stephen T
20th June, 2007
NB-Ogongo is a coinage for Prostitutes.
In Iba, with Ayo and Yemi, expecting
An Izobo daughter and Tobi’s call.
Her charming eyes touched my soul
Scorched within like ambers coal
Only nine with wings spread wide
Mom and Dad stands by her side
A Doctor, Lawyer who knows
Love to watch my Jenny grow
Why I am a big girl now
Inspired by sir Joseph Spence
And his beautiful poem called Her Soft Eyes
To my Grandma
November 21st 1957- May 7th 2012
A mother proudly raising her 3 beautiful children.
A son that will soon go fight for our country
A daughter that will be blessed with four children
An other Daughter that will be gifted in the arts.
That will always be there for them
To make a joke
Or heal a wound.
A Wife to a solder of the old red white and blue
For 34 years of being married on July 19th.
Always being there for him when he needs her most
And happy care for him in sickness and health.
A grandmother to four young girls
An artist and a poet
A rock-star at heart
A soon to be teacher
And a little princess
Has cared for and looked after
Was there to talk to when no one else would listen
Would love to hear or see their talents
Always had a blasted watching their favorite tv shows or movies.
That's what I think an awesome grandma is.
I go to her resting place and with a smile tears rolling down my face i say
"I love and miss you Grandma"
My pretend prima ballerina
In her pretty pink shoes
Dancing in the living room
Any style she will choose
My pretty pink princess
In a pretty pink dress
Laughs and spins in circles
Turning breakfast to a mess
My dainty dancing daughter
What a sight she is to see
With a smile on her innocent face
She brings so much joy to me.
"if you prick us,
Do we not bleed?
If you tickle us,
Do we not laugh?"
Your crime filled eyes
Stare upon me
As if I were the devil.
Your hateful smiles,
Evolve into meere sneers.
Your fingers point,
Your smiles spit,
Your mind mocks,
But you choose no different.
"I am a Jew"
I'm called 'dog'
You run to me
"I am a Jew"
Is my jail.
By your rules,
"I am a Jew"
You hate me
Not for my looks,
For my house,
Nor my words...
And most certainly
Not for my money.
"I am a Jew"
Even by my own daughter,
With no where to go
No one to love...
And only Christians to turn to.
"I am a Jew"
All the night she hear her parents fight,
-and come the morn the storm has yet to die.
Tears upon a cheek,
is how no child should be.
It's so hard sometimes,
watching it unwind.
-But when the sun has set,
and it's time for bed, she goes to sleep,
and in her dreams,
she becomes a Queen.
Oh, yes, she becomes a Queen.
It'll be ok, trust me,
one day she'll be free,
'cause I believe, she will see,
that she is a Queen.
Someday, she will be The Queen.
All the day she slave until she weak,
is no kind of life.
It's so hard sometimes,
to take things in stride.
-But when the sun has set,
and it's time for bed, she goes to sleep,
and in her dreams,
she becomes a Queen.
Oh, yes, she becomes a Queen.
It'll be ok, trust me,
one day she'll be free,
'cause I believe, she will see,
that she is a Queen.
One day, she will be The Queen.
All the afternoon you woo my eye,
-everyday I watch you pass me by.
Things inside my soul,
you may never know.
It's so hard sometimes,
finding the right lines.
-But before this song ends,
one thing must be said, listen to me,
you're what I need,
would you be my Queen?
Oh, yes, would you be my Queen?
I would bow down on one knee,
for your majesty,
'cause I believe, to be complete,
you must be The Queen.
Just say, you will be my Queen.
I'll say it one more time,
before I say goodbye.
You can do anything,
be anyone you like.
in yourself, you'll see,
you can be a Queen.
You will be The Queen.
Land of my forefathers
Land of the great armada
Land of history that many know not
My forefathers came across the seas in search of new hopes
leaving behind the terrorism,war,and lost hopes
From wealth to poverty my family came
From honor to shame to our once honored name
Life in America came as a surprise
Like a gift just given
Unknowing of what was to come
Were only a few to which my family knew
Years went by
How how did time fly
Like a bird soaring through the sky
Oh how times have changed
Technology changed and came dependant
Something my forefathers never seen
Equal rights and opportunities
Gave women like me the chance to dream
Of a better future filled with dreams that become reality
I’m proud to say I come from…
descendants of Espana
The Birthday- -
a day of promise, a day of cheer
a day to think through the past year
the time to realize that time
an insignificant thing
has to pass in order to bring
the future warm and secure
with thought remembering the past
and what we had to endure
to get to where we are, sound, sure
of what and who we are and want to be
with enough time left to look back and see,
the other side of we.
Sep 19 2011 Charles Henderson©
In honor of my daughter, her daughter and
their birthdays, the 17 of September.
My Pinky Pink Doll,
She is With Me Since I Learnt to Crawl,
She have Golden Silky Hair,
She is Very Pretty and Fair
She is My Most Loving Friend,
She is the best doll in the World,
Playing With Her Gives Me Content
My Pinky Pink Doll....
My Pinky Doll Eyes are Bright,
She Sleeps With Me at Night,
She always loves me a lot,
We Never break into Fights,
Thats My Pinky Pink Doll..
I Love my Pinky Pink Doll
Things come and things go,
but life always moves on.
A little girl stood by a grave,
Her father set his hand on her shoulder,
And told he told her
Things come, And things go,
But everday we find more to love,
Never replacing what was lost,
But never fear to fall in love,
The pain of loss will come,
The pain of loss will go
I have built my world around you
Brick by brick I watched it grow
How I lived before without you
Darling I shall never know
These past years we’ve been together
Have been the happiest of my life
The greatest joy I did encounter
Was when you became my wife
Life is tough it’s never easy
But with you there by my side
I can face its bitter moments
And hold my head up high with pride
Arm in arm we’ll walk together
Side by side we shall lay down
Hand in hand each precious moment
Sharing every smile and frown
The gift you gave us of our daughter
Is one that I cannot repay
What pleasure dear it is to see her
Smiling at us every day
Oh my darling how I love you
And I love our daughter too
I’m so happy that I’m sharing
Every single day with you
The rains have come and gone
Our heart is swollen with joy
The time has come again
To see them do their dance
Some happy mothers here
Some anxious suitors there
Waiting … … … watching
Bubbling the circled square
Kum Kum Kum Kum
Yee Yee Yee Yee
Comes the song of drums
Heralding their precious steps
Shaking their beaded waists
Dangling their bangle ankles
Oh big bunch of beauties
Fruits of healthy seedlings
Ripen yet unpluck
Dance dance dance
Shake shake shake
Ready for sheet to soil
The stains of the night to see
Of shame or pride to bear
And so it goes like that…
Please don't blame yourself
for my death.
Please don't blame daddy.
Most importantly, please don't blame GOD.
GOD doesn't take away what we love.
It was a surprise to me too mommy.
I love you and miss you.
I think about you all of the time
I am always watching over you.
Mommy always remember I am
your guardian angel. Also, I am so proud of you.
Even though I am in heaven;
your on Earth; I still believe that
you are a wonderful mother.
Any child would be very fortunate
to have a mother like you.
Mom, I don't want you to
think you are a nobody .
Mommy, you are somebody.
You are my mom.
You do have a purpose
and GOD has big plans for you.
I love you mommy
and GOD loves you.
Stay strong mommy'
I have never felt so much love burn in my heart
because nobody has ever lived up to your love for me
and nothing in this God-forsaken world could falter how I feel for you
I let you in on my darkest of secrets
yet instead of peering at me with disappointment
you look into my tear-filled eyes with everything I don't deserve
At my worst moments in life
you not only stood behind me, but held me up with your reassurance
your courage never fails to astound me
all the while, it never falters
you are my crutch when I'm broken
and my sunshine when life dims to darkness
what in my life have I ever done to deserve one such as you?
as I lay contently in your arms, as I did when only a fragile infant
I feel your unconditional love for me
you are my star, my shoulder, my idol, and the best friend I could have ever hoped for
though I love you with all of my being
you always seem to trump it with your own voluptuous heart
never leave me, Father
and I'll do all I can to make you proud...for eternity
Trapped in side
my family's lies
why didn't they tell me about
I am not their kid
I never was
they were my parents
they found me
on the street
as a baby
with such little feet
my mother died
some say it was
like a curse
they are in touch
with my father
because I'm his
A new life
the offspring of the Rosonow's
a new form
a new shape
a new girl
a new world
the beauty of a new baby is embraced a new mother's arms
how beautiful she is like a green pasture
she is a pure soul and a clean heart
she is like a star that glistens brightly during the night hours
waiting in the sky to be look upon and loved
all in the form of a precious little girl
a new life
a new form
a new shape
a new girl
a new world
open eyes and open hearts
still the climbing green lianoid lass
her tender tendrils torn
massive metal lying like a cutlass
in her lap forlorn
finger on trigger
still the wetness thighs eyes
the breasts peaking
the quick quelling blushing frenzy
the slightly forwardthrusting awkward turgidness of the torso
the stalk-neck craning
a young pallid green palmyra on the thrust
the dusky knuckly fingers strict and bony quivering
the gangly gait now stiffening
and within alert grasp
rounds of bandolier bullets
nipping her nipples
fatigues for jungle sarees loose silk anklelength skirts
over rough cotton jodhpurs
rubbery canvas shoes for Ali Baba leather sandals
the loin-length sesame-oiled tresses severed at the shoulders
the rationed tampax crushed in the back jodhpur pocket
the drilled march still aching in the pelvic girdle
the shoulder blades
too tendon-strained streaky shark’s fins
her mind on her mother’s diurnal diabetic needle
and the relief the dowry promised to the boy next door
the lightly tripping fiesta truant feeling
a matinee show
the classes well the classes but for the maths teacher
she was just then getting on the mend
her mind shutting out the homely odour of steaming
puttu and cambal
itiyappam and coti
rasam and rice
the rat-a-tat of sudden staccato fire
the screaming blinding flash of shells
the dirgeful thudthud of bursting bombs
the grating crackling of armoured car chains
and the distant muffled blasts
droning planes swooping
the bark and shriek of schrapnel...
then the raspy clipped yelp of the platoon commander
ends her reverie
her face crushed against a mound of freshturned sod
her right knee twisted trapped in the hunched cavern of her
pubertally pulpy belly
the breath expelled in an urgent wheezing crushed moan
the last stifled desperate cry
for her long distraught mother
(© T.Wignesan – Paris, May 1st., 1997 ; rev. 2012 ; from the collection : Words for a Lost Sub-Continent, 1999.)
When I awake in the morning
My kids are all I see
My rich mans family
that's enough for me
You bring me smile
you bring me joy
you my princess
and my handsome boy
My reasons for being
Thing one and thing two
I am so happy
that I have you
My babies My babies
I love you both
hearing mommy all day
is what I cherish most
Opposites presented …
One in talons of Eagle
One on wings of Dove
Equally beautiful, equally loved
A torrent from a fierce black cloud
The yang of the yin
Frothing fierce powerful waves in a storm
Beating chests of seaweed rocks
Claiming it in its bosom
Then furling it afar
Into unknown oceans where
Neptune roars his roar on end
Boasting strength, logic illogic
Then light as a feather
Giggling waves on shimmering beaches
Rosy sausages examining crabs and bubbles
Laughing at blue-bottles and busy antics of ants
In crevices of creaky floorboards
While the autumn sun sets
Diamond dew-drops on clover leaves
Exclaiming at rushing workers and hairy worms
So the morning says Hello
A juicy apricot indigo tinged
Kissing at library entrances
Crumbly beneath its hard exterior
Where beetles have dug a hundred paths
Staring defiantly at an orange star
Scorning its scorching, gracefully factual
Proclaiming the largeness of Life so she thinks
Earth child reaching for unreachable Mercury
Spirit child, water bound, earth located
From an awakening Eye
One imaged from the bowels of struggle
When behind jail bars I sat counting toes
One imaged from the speckled gown of J-briel
As Saturn said goodbye
Sirius screamed from hell and wreaking pain
Wrought from rages and conscious sages unknown
Born in blood without its blue
Rolling eyes from a womb of turmoil and terror
Dripping the darkness of strife with hidden crystals
Contemplating hypocrisy, deceipt, treachery
Torn apart by churning guts
While the medics oogled around
Then searching, searching, searching
Moon and Sun crossed one another
Not knowing which way but loose
Streams of rivers flowing downwards, then upwards
Sideways then byways in villages and towns of paintings
A gecko appeared on the pillowcase
Gangster peeped through a window
Then books came pouring down, pouring down
And numbers flew away
Lashes long, black as a crow
There can be no coin to ponder
No coin to teach from if not faces two
No tornado ripping apart if no breeze
Playing on a horse farm
No death if no life
The night clings to day
As daybreak clings to escaping night
Embracing and negating
Embalmed while flying together on a
In the Sky.
I'M FOM THE INNER CITY PROJECTS, BUT THE INNER CITY PROJECTS IS NOT IN ME.IT TOOK ME SOMETIME TO ADAPT TO MY HABITATE. WE WERE A CHRISTIAN FAMILY. THAT WAS SOMEWHAT GREEN. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WHILE ATTENDING SCHOOL; THE GIRLS ALWAYS WANTED TO FIGHT ME. I TRIED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I DID WRONG. TO CAUSE THIS TROUBLE EVERYDAY...
I'M FROM THE INNER CITY PROJECTS, BUT THE INNER CITY PROJECTS IS IN ME.WHILE PLAYING OUTSIDE AT WILSON PARK. A GIRL CONFRONTED ME BY THE SWINGS. SHE PUSH ME TO SEE IF I WOULD HIT BACK. I DIDN'T ONLY HIT HER BACK ; I ATTACKED HER TO THE GROUND WITH MY FIST IN HER FACE.
THIS DAY GEORGETTE TOOK A BEATDOWN. I SOON FOUND OUT THAT FIGHTING WAS THE NEIGHBORHOOD'S FAVORITE ACTIVITY....BEFORE THE SUMMER WAS OVER GEORGETTE WANTED TO FIGHT ME AGAIN.A BEATDOWN IS WHAT SHE RECEIVED FROM THIS DAY FORWARD SHE DIDN'T BOTHER ME.
UPON ATTENDING ANOTHER YEAR AT THAT SAME OLD SCHOOL.THE GIRLS WANTED TO FIGHT ME ONCE AGAIN.THERE WAS SO MUCH FRUSTRATION INSIDE.I LOST A BATTLE OR TWO; BUT THE REST WERE SIMPLY... VICTORIES....
FIGHTING WASN'T ME , BUT A FIST IN THE FACE WAS THE ONLY TO COMMUNICATE. NOW, I HAVE RESPECT IN A NEGATIVE KIND A WAY.
I'M FROM THE INNER CITY PROJECTS, BUT THE INNER CITY PROJECTS IS NOT IN ME.GET ONE OF THEM REAL GOOD AND THE REST OF THEM WILL UNDERSTAND...THIS IS HOW THEY COMMUNICATE IN THE INNER CITY PROJECTS.......
A still afternoon, not brightly lit
But clouds softly framed by hidden sun
No wind, but milky air just gently stirring
The suitcase heavy in her hand
A long look, a surveyance of the place
She so long ago, so eagerly, had left behind.
Taking in each thing, each encounter, as if
She had a third eye, and extra sense
Perceiving light and shade and shadow and shape
Things familiar, but presented
In different light,
As if seeing for the first time,
All those things she had wanted to escape,
Like the butterfly escaping its chrysalis
Enhaling the sweet air
Now glad to be home.
The Saga of dusty roads of Utah
(To the memory of Don W. Esplin, father of Kathryn Esplin-Oleski)
There he was playing with some mild explosives,
in his own backyard, a resolute boy he is;
the June month had swelled like the taut belly of
a neighborhood lady; the boy wanted to be
a scientist which he became. He, of course could not
envision that all these sepia dust of Utah,
the noon backyard and a young scientist’s narrative
would be remembered by his explosive daughter
and a strange Indian was going to pen a saga.
Alfred Nobel was smiling from a page of a book
The boy rolled a cigarette, the smoke’s curlicues
swirl up to grain the picture. A blast almost choked
the bright blue jays and robins. Defused sun slanted.
The end of the road was just an end of the road
where sun could meet earth, warm grass shook off the heat
and the covert window of the farm house would yield
a father and son talk. Strong argument on
future, on an university, on money
on a world that could differ in generations;
of course the boy, as a father, understood
his girl, then living apart. But distance is in heart.
He would grow up midst dreams. A quirky wind would blow him
here and there; navy, marriage and science,
pharmacology and marriage again; a gust
of wind would take him on a ride that, if he could
read this he would have said, resembled his truck rides
down the roads of Utah. But at that point of time
he was wide awake inside his misty night’s sleep
and an American novel is shooting up
its multiple heads in search of fresh oxygen.
The waves of moon were enjoying a full tide.
=© 2009 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar
Sun kissed apple cheeks,
Honey streaked golden hair.
Strawberry lips against creamy skin,
Under sparkling cerulean candies.
My three daughters,
Sweet enough to eat.
ELEGANT STYLE. FINGER NAIL FILE.
EVERYTHING in its rightful PLACE. Everyone knew he REIGNED SUPREME.
NO CONTENDER. this BIG SPENDER? THEY OBEYED his rules. He wore his SNAKE
SKIN. Ankle high BLACK BOOTS. ALRIGHT NOW. EVERY WORD HAD STYLE.
HIS SWAGGER MADE FROM SUEDE.
NO PRETENDER. THAT WASN'T his GAME. HE PLAYED IT real, real COOL. THAT'S
THE TYPE OF CAT HE WAS, AND EVERYBODY KNEW WHEN THIS BAD DUDE WAS
IN TOWN. THEY'D walk a CHALK LINE JUST FOR THAT SHORT TIME. NOBODY
KNEW HIS NAME EVERY BODY PLAYED HIS GAME.
THIS MYSTERY MACK DADDY STILLED THE NIGHT. NO ONE else seemed to harness
Those SKILLS, not even til present DAY. Once THERE THEN GONE. THE BADDEST
MAN ON THIS SIDE OF TIME.
Return to myself
She was alone and alone
And she was so happy being alone
And she was so blissful being alone
And she was so happy with her attitude of life
In her solitude;
But I only broke her solitude
And connected her to a companionship
And she was dragged by that
Camaraderie into its life
And made her to feel it as joy of life;
Hence she forgot her life
And she even forgot herself
And also forgot her solitude
And was completely possessed by that companion
With the love in which she was seized;
And days, years, ages passed by
And she has been in that life till now
In that hibernation, in that hallucination
In that delusion. And in that mirage
In which I have fixed her with my thoughts;
And now she woke up from herself
And opened her eyes and her senses
And now she doesn't see her companion
Which she has felt as spirit of her life
Who slain her and deserted her in Hell;
And she doesn't know that
It was my entire mind which ruined her life
And she’s just alive like a stone
And just like a being without life
And now I realized my stupid mistake;
And now I am wanting her back
And I want to make her alone
And want to get her back to her solitude
So I started treating her lesion to keep
Her alive and to keep her alone
And to connect her to her solitude
In which I and she can live
In our infinite and unique love
Without which I can’t live
And can’t breathe
And can’t exist;
So I’m recreating her as my life
And without me she can’t live
As I can make out from her hollow life
And can make out from her silent prayers
To my mind from her moaning heart;
I was so foolish punished by handing
Her over all these lives to the devil in my mind
And I’m now in search of my life
By speaking to my heart
With language of my soul
And soothing her with my love;
Now we could live together in her loneliness
And in her solitude, and in that real world
As divine beings of love and the true life
And live our life at the fullest
Till we exhaust in the journey of our love;
© Ramakrishna Chowdary Jasti
tick. . . tick. . talk the time today
busy a great gather of
that might move us towards
great outlawed-metered parked cars
and twist. . . twist your fire-hydrant wrist
while the streets look the other way
awaits your perceptive 50’s point of view
but it’s all the daughters that decide
off which part of concrete to part with
and wake up
in which car to ride in
A Creator Variation (1)
When I was four and
You, precognizant either of our DNA or
An epidemic rippling through the stomach fat of the nation,
Enrolled me in gymnastics, I was
Not so young that I didn't know
More specifically, I knew that
Bounding the trampolined length of the room was fun and
So were skin-the-cats
(Despite the overtly cruel, cruel name).
Days when the heavens-bound rings dropped to
Lift our feet in one, brief swing of fairyhood
Were treasured as one might costume jewelry,
Or as the memory of that lump of brown sugar,
Tasted just once, when mother thought it would satisfy
Rather than create a craving.
Some authorities discourage letting your child flip
And tumble with abandon, while
We breathed more breaths as
Our young, disadvantaged lung capacity struggled
To keep pace with our bouncing.
But balance beam days were bad days.
When you can still walk under the balance beam without
Ducking or concussing yourself, I don't see why
They make you clamber atop it twice a week when
You're just going to fall.
After us kids had enough of braining and winding ourselves,
We would swing from the beams,
Suffering the sand paper because we preferred
To land on our feet.
We felt quite capable of walking in a straight line,
But sensibly we did it on the ground.
they fight all the time.
they fight and it never stops.
they fight and it never gets better.
they fight and it always gets worse.
they fight til they're blue in the face.
they fight til i can't stand it anymore.
they fight and i cry cuz there's nothing i can do.
the fighting and the crying never stop.
there's nothing i can do but pray.
they're always fighting.
it won't stop.
they hide it so well...
the pain they're in...
it's like they've never fought before...
When you make me cry
does it make you feel good?
Do you live for my tears
my pain and my terror?
Why does my misery give you pleasure?
Who sits there laughing at their daughter's agony?
Every time I think you're at your worst
you find a way to hurt me more.
So I try and I try to be better.
I must have done something wrong.
I finally woke up and saw the truth.
I'll never be good enough
never try hard enough
to make you proud enough.
I am going out tonight
with no thought to wrong or right!!
I am donning my sexy dress
and putting perfume on…
“hello again, my black stilettos”
"hello my rich red gloss..."
I will tousle my hair
till it looks a little wild
and blow a kiss goodbye…
No panty lines
That’s right, boys, I am getting out tonight
Watch out for me
I am unrestrained and crazy
Watch out for me
I will dance all night
like any girl in nirvana would…
Who gives a bleep if its raining?
The moon is out
Full and howling
My spirit growls to be set free!!
Oh yeah baby….I am going out tonight!
A cry interrupts my reverie
My baby girl woke from her nap
A bittersweet smile touches my face
as she crawls into my lap….
I realize my stilettos
are now retired
and my sexy little dress
is collecting dust
sitting forlorn in the closet.
I have on my mom clothes
You know the ones…
sensible and comfortable…
(un sexy cotton)
That’s the ones….
I am staying home tonight
and putting my angel in the bed…
I am a mom now and what can I say
The sexy dress will have to wait
For your birthday I give you the sideways articulation
of red-tailed shadows against the
screaming stop light crush,
The sweat-stained, wine-soaked nights
Spent nodding into cottons
And a box of dreams felt once then
Unopened and lost.
We’ll sing ether wafted alleys,
I’d give you the sky if you would speak again
my baby angel
I don't have toys
And I don't care for any of them either.
Well no, I do. After the death
Of my friend Dasvina Lee and I loved for a Baby doll.
I asked to my mother if she could buy
One for me with the next C.F.W.C.P. check.
She stopped backward; and at first
I got the idea she will be buzzing around
The house looking for a cigarette butt
'Cause she has ran off cigarettes.
And then she bent forward
And stared at me as you stare at yourself out
Into the mirror browsing your stomach
Upon a hushed thought, and a human fist as a bad sword
Like that, exploded: "Shutta **** off, stupid girl!"
And then, right on, she pushed me.
Like that, and she said, "Go and clean up this
"You can play with yourself," she added
Brutally, "if you're so goddammit lonely!"
Though she never really made it so easy
Just a sort of wet concrete admiration,
I tried to smooth it, but the following was uglier:
After a third try she hit me again. It was like a
Thunder light, burning on the skinny body
And at the same time it was running through a hybrid
Shore between my soul and my heart.
Leaving no doubt it was all what I'll get
From her and the damned toy shall be called
Today I am tired.
Tired of not measuring up.
“Summer, if you were only more like your mother, brother, or cousin.”
Tired of being unacceptable.
“Summer, you shouldn’t dress, speak, or act that way.”
Tired of being berated for being me.
“Summer, stop being hard headed, an independent person, a free thinker.”
Yesterday I was tired.
Tired of hearing threats.
“Summer, if you don’t… I’m going to hurt, leave, or embarrass you!”
Tired of being criticized.
“Summer, you are just over weight, O.C.D., an over achiever.”
Tired of being measured against everyone but me.
“Summer, your parents, siblings, or friends did it better.”
Tomorrow I will not be threatened, berated, unaccepted, measured, or criticized.
I will just be me.
In the center, flesh
at her heart
moss feet, soft
as wildflower fields
mist and twilight
sky eyes, clouds
bless me tonight.
This poem is for the earth who is Mother to us all, and for my Mother, how I miss her today.
“Close your eyes now,” I said
to a daughter who was already asleep
and woke from my words.
The thunder crashed. Perhaps
I wanted her scared, so I could be dad.
But there’s nothing I could do except
do nothing, together with her.
It’s like words. Things happen.
Without words they would still happen.
But then without words.
You I’m still searching for a life
I don’t have the answers to your questions
But sometimes I just want you to believe in me
Someday I will find my own way
I don’t know what I should do
But stay for me and tell me to hold on
It’s a heart breaking seeing the unhappy
What more can I do, All I can is to hope
If I don’t talk too much
Doesn’t mean that I don’t care
If I don’t do things enough
Doesn’t mean I don’t do anything
If I could turn back the time
And knowing the future would be such a dull
Maybe I can make up for all my mistakes
And be the girl you wanted me to be
Tell you something…
My heart hurts
It hurts deeply through my brain
Nothing else I could do…
My tears fall as I bend down on my knees
Wishing everything turns beautifully
And no more worries in our life
Just let me keep my dream alive
Let me die trying or nothing at all
Let me believe on its possibility
Believed in me and always you’ll be
I have sacrifice the time
For searching and hoping
Though it’s such a waste of time
I know everything will turns beautifully
Things seem so far away
Emotions inside lay
Blinded by some
Let the tears come
May they flood the land
Will you never understand
The things I desire
You set on fire
You tear them apart
Leaving a broken heart
What is it I seek
An answer bitterly bleak
Is it your blessing
My life is what is missing
Will I never stand on my own
I urne to know the unknown
Cant I start my life
My dreams stabbed with you bloody knife
What is it I seek
These words I speak
Go gasping in the wind
They play over in my mind
What is it I wish for most
The wind echos like a ghost
Whipering if only I knew
If what I wanted was enough for you
What am I looking for
Im all I can be and nothing more
What am I looking for
Your love nothing more
What am I looking for
Your acceptance nothing more
What am i looking for
Your faith in me nothing more
What am I looking for
Your trust nothing more
You can crush the image
Bring up the past
You can crush the future
But it won't last
You can crush the happy that I feel
Twist and tangle all my dreams
You can crush the life no longer real
Take my laughter; or so it seems
You can crush the smile from my face
You can crush my wish to stars above
You can crush the Hope - plans erased
But you can never crush my Love
When did this metamorphosis come about?
As I stand and watch,... wanting to intercede
To be the one this little boy needs.
The one who kisses the forehead, and wipes away the tears
It's who I've always been....for all these years....
Who I still long to be...
Hearing this child's crying subside, while watching my daughter
Soothe his wounded soul, and wounded knees
When did she learn her gentle ways?
What moment, did she become the one who didn't look away in uncertainty?
What day....? What moment in time...did she shine?
Did she know what she needed to do? What loving instinct that grew?
No,.. was not the day of his birth, when she beamed with pride
Yet feared her own capabilities, so deep inside.
Those first nervous days, wanting to hide
With questioning eyes...seeking advice...
A gift she gave to me....needing me...yes, how nice....
But so quickly, it turned, and quickly she learned..what day?
Perhaps she's become even wiser than I
Now, it's me letting go...this turning of tide
Letting her shine, ...gaining her pride
He's her child...while I stand aside,
While her journey begins...
And I watch and pray that she won't need me again
To brush away her own tears someday, some other fear to face....
But I will be here...standing aside,
or by her side....
just in case.
Being a woman is a gift.
Whether you’re black, white, red or blue.
It doesn’t matter as long as you are you.
Being hurt and punished by the men you love.
Is it their fault you f**ked with no glove?
Beaten, bruised, obeying all his rules.
Why not just refuse; refuse to be his slave, refuse to be his punching bag, refuse to be his last choice.
It’s time to stand up and raise your voice.
Tell him whose boss and why you took it all.
Remember the time he f**ked your best friend
Remember the times he said
“Baby I’ll be there until the end”
Remember the beatings, burns, cuts and bruises;
It’s time to tell him who loses.
Be the woman who can stand on her own two feet.
Be the woman who refuses to be with a man and be beat.
Life is too short to stay locked down
He continued to knock you down
But its time to get up and get off the ground.
You’re free to be the woman you were meant to be…
Morning hasn't even settled
Midnight sediment scattered through
The grey beasts that
Sail the sky
But Mother rocks the landing floorboards
And I follow
Families of dollymix, gingham, polkadot
Huddle in cool swirls
Cotton roses climbing the kitchen table
I sit and silently snip shapes
Press my early-hour imagination
Shallow into fabric
Triangular like chemistry
But tired at the edges
My mother lifts a needle
As mothers do
And I watch her
Lovingly piece Christmas together
Beaded purses, lace angels and silk tress
They are her children now
I can see it in her smile
Full like cinnamon
And red like blood
We pack our morning into hidden bags and boxes
And slip back to bed
Sleeping for an hour or two
Proud owls tucked in nests.
I dreamed last night all the hair was missing from the back of your head.
You were back combing but I could see.
longs strands could not hide the damage
it was too extensive
I could see shorter hairs
I could see your scalp
then I knew:
he was pulling your hair out in a rage
I could clearly see him holding you and ripping at the back of your head
a clear black vision
no mother should see
"my hair is fine" you texted back
Father please be there at my first, fifth, tenth, thirteenth, sixteenth, eighteenth, and
Father please come to my first dance performance.
Father please go with Mommy to my first school conference.
Father please don't yell at me when i do wrong.
Father would you please go with me to the Valentine's father daughter dance.
Father i will play sports with you even thought i'm not a boy.
Father please don't worry and ask so many questions all the time.
Father please don't scare away my first date.
Father please still love me when I disobey.
Father together lets go buy my first car.
Father please come to my high school graduation.
Father please help me decide what college i should attend.
Father please help bring me home for the holidays.
Father would you please escort me down the iale.
Father please don't get mad when you have your first grandchild.
Father please enjoy my children even more than you enjoyed me.
Father be there as long as you can to celebrate the good times with me.
Father please still love and remember our lives together, every time i say bye.
Father I promise I will meet you someday in the heavens up high.
Father I give to you the love you always have for me.
Please never forget the times you've shared with me.
Memories of a life are not diamonds as told
But, a baby to have
Is a smile worth more than any King's gold
Yet, still as much
It is such
That commonalities not be bartered, trade or sold
But life can be like a casino
Or a pawn shop in Reno
Both only stocked with weed, wine and liquor "To Go"
And while the three Lucky 7's for which you were praying
Never came in a row
It is only now what you seek
Is now what can never show
You once held her in your hands...
But you just didn't know
So far from me but so close.
No matter the suffering,
the love is unconditional.
I push through each day.
Remembering your face,
the ultimate comprehension of my soul.
you know my soul no matter the scars.
No matter the pain
I push to the next day.
I try to remember the good
and justify your ghost.
I hope you are with me someday again.
"Would you like barbeque chicken,
or country steak with gravy?"
"You want both?"
Her tablemate drools, bottom lip
hanging. He stares at his menu,
waiting for someone to take his order.
An aide rolls a wheel chair to the table
for four. "Stay there!"
Her harsh tone seems inappropriate
for the tiny lady with frizzy curls.
"Mom, what would you like for dessert,
butterscotch pudding or chocolate cake?"
"You want both?"
Leftward movement draws my eye.
Frizzy curls is on the move.
She's booking out of the dining hall,
fast as her feet can peddle.
The trays arrive. I unwrap cutlery,
pour milk, place Mom's bib around her neck.
Her table-mate digs in, unassisted.
Mother stares at her plate, picks up
her fork, pokes at her food.
The fourth place at the table
He happily gives you big, juicy steaks!
Pure and limitless water!
He keeps you healthy, he keeps you busy,
Visitors admire you both from afar.
With him you are fed, but are you full, dear?
He lovingly keeps you sheltered and warm.
No more getting lost, no more feeling scared!
No more wandering aimlessly through the jungles of life,
Best to avoid all those choices out there.
This may be a roof, but do you see your home here?
You are your most peaceful, calm self with him,
Yet you fear the inevitability of your wild self rising up again.
My dear, you are lion! One day you’ll lash out at him.
You will bite this poor man’s hand,
Because you were born with something he’ll never comprehend:
Yes, I’ve come from somewhere he’ll never understand:
The fiercely complicated mind of a lioness.
My mother’s womb, the lion’s den.
My cute little princess,
Wants to play in excess,
Diffiult to be at par with her,
As her capacity is intense!
Her innocent smile rejuvenates,
looks heart throbbing in every dress,
Boosts my energy,
Taking away the stress!
I wish to express,
She's a bliss,
To cuddle and caress,
I madly miss!
With her along my 'mind and heart' are at peace,
When I am away from her,
For work and other business,
I am in distress!
If time was to be bought,
At any cost I would purchase,
Or would be more than happy,
(For my Loving Daughter Suzanna Christy)
Seven years before her heart throbbed and mine too,
She was prepared to face to the world with God’s Gift:
Her travail had begun and each of her nerve shivered with thrill,
The Father in Christ in His invisible Presence hath been beside her.
Now I shed tears that speak how she had borne the physical agony,
And my inward eye writes how the day was and today it is.
The tiny blossom within the womb shook the stem of the plant,
And the plant stood fluttering, unshaken, but withstanding.
I now feel how I felt of her personal ordeal for matchless Gift.
God’s Answer in her womb, personified, traversed the way out,
The Invisible Christ held her in His arms during the journey,
It was the journey that none can describe except the Answer in the womb.
Biological apprehensions began to fly out with anguishing threats;
Yet the Heavenly Providence filled the way with His Grace.
Medical engineers acted upon their wit and tools to watch the drama.
The God-sent soul, anxious and hopeful, waited for the little wonder:
‘How could God’s Answer personified be?’
Time was on its wings, minutes flew, seconds galloped.
Engineers’ assistants exchanged responses of sincerity and hopefulness.
The little Answer personified whispered from within the Heavenly Mercy.
Everyone heard the whisper, and the mother too, and she would be a mother.
The clock was in its perfection to chime the melody of the Answer,
And the whole world, dressed in joy and smile, looked in awe and wonder.
It was forty strokes behind the entry of the little Answer:
How could I share my joy and with whom?’
The mother raised a doubt within her.
‘I am with thee, share thy joy and pain with Me,
For I have borne everything for thee on the Cross.’
She heard a voice within and the pain left her,
Joy let its wings fly when the little Answer peeped out the world.
It was seven strokes yet to chime.
Each second was a mystery and the mystery was to be solved.
The trumpet raised its clarion call; the lyre touched its strings,
The firmament, filled with Heavenly Blessings, began to shower on.
The little Answer personified sent forth her first cry,
And the cry was first heard by the Master.
Yes, she was born, and she entered the world.
It was fifty-two strokes past three whistles she was born.
Little fairies began blowing little trumpets,
The mother shouted in joy: ‘THANKS TO MY LORD!
Our answer hath been heard. Thou art my Master.’
Do the deed,
Do it yourself,
In your own wealth,
I want to be better,
In lighter weather,
Airy was the day,
You took my pride away,
None left to find,
Just tapes to rewind,
Cultivate the mind,
Please just breathe,
Life is easy,
When you’re breezy,
Feel the pain I’ve felt,
Through the years,
With lack of wealth,
Never top notch,
On your watch,
I’m always amazed,
By how you’re crazed,
I’m on the ground,
Never to be found,
I feel drained,
Improve my mood,
You’re just plain rude,
Wait for the day,
When I go away,
I’m sure you’ll smile,
At least for a while,
I’ll put you down,
Hear the sound?
I’ll teach you truth,
I’ll show you youth,
You see I’ll be,
What you never were.
Time did not matter then
Before the laying of the egg
I only know the flower was beautiful
As a star's heart making dust
To carry bright desire.
Your mother's mild wings flash
In the light and was gone.
I watched the tree still
Praying the flower would not fall.
It became a fruit -
A lawn for you to crawl upon
Then one day you changed again
From puppa to chrysallis.
Today, like your mother,
You frolic in the sun, and I,
I watch the boys with nets
Who play with butterflies.
My Power Story
As a child, I only saw
the power of three,
We were a solid three.
When my brother Jon was born
I adopted the power of four.
Because he I adored,
I learned to make room for four.
When I was eight,
I learned to value
the power of two,
me and my best friend Sue.
Without her by my side, there was
nothing I could do!
Then my horizons began
to broaden and I learned
the power of five, six, seven
Eight and ten…
My numbers of friends
My world was
and dividing, as soon as
puberty bloomed in me.
But when chirping blue birds
and naked cherubs started
spinning around my head,
when the love struck and
set in at age nineteen,
I seemed to go backwards,
back to the power of two.
Those were the glory days
when we could sit and
gaze into each other’s eyes
for days. We’d walk through
the park and the zoo
holding hands and saying
I love you.
Clueless was I, that the
misuse of this mystical power
of two, could leave
me battered and bruised,
used and abused.
Once my stone tower of two
came tumbling down,
the power of two didn’t seem as
fresh as spring dew anymore,
as before when I thought our love
was strong enough to last forever!
For years the soured
power of two made me
want to run endlessly,
to distant corners
of the earth just to escape
the painful memories
of ever being a part of this
Now I am starting
to enjoy the warm rays of sun
and the dynamic fun
that I’ve found in
the best power
of them all,
the power of one!
by myself in the
day to day grind,
learning to stand strong as one,
to love and to nurture myself,
enjoying my life
without any strife.
There’s a lot to be said
about the power of one.
Learning to find joy and peace,
just being me for a while.
One day I’ll probably
be ready to move on to
whatever power is next for me,
starts to sour this
But for now,
I’ll enjoy the
power of one,
to the tenth
just being me!
Gentle, mild, and meek.
Human-strong and weak.
A mask to hide away the pain.
Hard to live with shame.
Good person, good friend.
A ? mark; never seen through to the end.
Chivalry is dead and so is the “good
In this world today, it’s a true, proven fact.
Humble; a little pride, determination is my drive.
If I want things to get better for me,
hope burns on the inside.
Reserved and I move at my own pace.
Steady and slow, less consequences to face.
This is my life; pathetic as it is.
It’s the only one I have; not urs, theirs, hers or his.
I know who I am.
I have too much respect for myself and body; forever condemned.
So if u ask me,
“Who are u and what I am?
I’ll smile and say,
“For I am Poetry!”
Profound, misunderstood, and a lifelong mystery.
All of our lives changed for good.
We’d all change it if we could.
We’d all bring back Clay,
For just another day.
Oh, all the things we would say.
If we knew,
He’d never see the next morning dew.
The hardest thing to say, Goodbye.
Although if we said this, it’d be a lie.
Because we’ll all see him some other day.
Because of the price, the good lord paid.
And in the Lord we will find our strength.
To deal with this time of struggle and length.
Without a person who was so near
To our hearts
And will be to the end and has been from the start.
Many of us just lost :
But for me and my sisters,
We lost the one who used to cover our blisters.
The one who changed our dirty dippers.
And when we would cry, he’d act as windshield wipers
The one who tries to help us cope.
The one that for us has high hopes,
The one when we’d mess up, he’d get mad.
The one we got to call dad.
I’m sorry for being mean, rude, obnoxious, loud.
But ill do my best to make you proud
It’s hard not knowing.
The pain I believe is showing.
We don’t ever know,
When it’s someone’s time to go.
We leave them with anger and rage,
Without a thought that soon
All too too Soon
Have to start a new chapter. Turn the page.
With the lights turned down dim.
Looking into the future may seam a little grim
Not knowing what to do without him.
The way he’d rub my feet,
After I came home tired and with defeat.
The way he would just talk and talk.
And back on the trail, we’d walk and walk.
Or maybe even ride our bikes.
Either way its all alike.
Picking a few of the prettiest flowers
And at home in a vase they’d tower.
Wishing he was still here.
Because his time just didn’t seam near.
It isn’t what any of us would of thought.
Its what any of us would of fought.
Many of us fighting it now.
Sitting with silence and tears wondering how?
Haven’t eaten. Haven’t slept.
But the Lords plans we’ll soon have to accept.....
Once I had a daughter
eyes that danced like firelight,
long beautiful chestnut hair
I miss her in the quiet, I miss her in the car
I miss her chattering questions, her hugs, her scent, her star.
Cheated badly out of mother daughter now I step away
as she gives her life to addiction
the only one she loves.
Many years had to pass before I could tell her no:
thousands spent on hospitals, halfway houses, hospitals, doctors, rehab
foolish thousands that she winked out of me
A hard lesson to learn, when to give up and let go
And I let her go.
She stares at the paper not a word comes to write
Surrounded by peace on a dark rainy night.
Like the page in her notebook her mind remains clear.
Not a word to be written, her pen she cant steer.
No thought comes to mind as she drives memory road
Not a vision, no flashback nothing waits to be told.
She thumbs through the pages of an old book of art...
Searching for something that touches her heart.
The years took a toll on this book left untouched
Musty and frayed, the paper crinkled and rough.
Its cover is faded its corners are bent
A pressed flower within leaves a soft subtle scent.
Page after page of landscapes and faces
Baskets of fruit and flowers in vases.
Paintings and sketches most done black and white
Ancient ships at full sail, a quaint farm house at night.
Wyeth’s painting; a window, captures her eye
Takes her back to her childhood; a cabin lakeside.
At last there’s a story beginning to grow
She picks up her pen and the words start to flow.
She writes of a weekend back in the fall
The cabin they stayed in among pine trees so tall.
How she looked out her window each day that she woke
Watched the sun kiss the lake as the morning fog broke.
Outside her window there on the ground.
An old gray canoe that lay upside down.
Many times she would dream of paddling out
She’d catch a big fish; she knew it, no doubt!
She went to the window one cool gloomy morn
Happy inside in where it was cozy and warm.
She leaned on the sill, hands under her chin
Wondering what she would do, where to begin.
She gazed out the window watching drops hit the lake
Millions of circle the raindrops would make.
Red orange leaves on the trees by the shore
Now shiny and limp from the rain as it pours.
Sandcastles she built by the beach yesterday
Are nothing but mud now washing away.
No life in the forest, nothing moving around
Just that old gray canoe laying there on the ground.
By noon there was sun as clouds cleared away
“May I go outside? I want to go play!”
“I have an idea” Dad called from the door
“Let's take that canoe down to the shore.”
Dad had the fishing poles, tackle and bait.
“We’re gonna go fishing? Yeeha, I can’t wait”!
He flipped the canoe over, and loaded the gear.
The moment she wished for was finally here.
Dad pulled and she pushed that boat to the shore
She put on her life jacket Dad grabbed the oars.
Out to the middle he paddled them both
Then dropped in the anchor so gently they'd float.
She talked and she chattered about little girl things
Now looking back she must have made his ears ring.
He laughed and he nodded answered questions on cue
As the greatest dad ever, what else would he do?
An afternoon on the lake just father and daughter.
In an old gray canoe out on the water.
Not a single fish caught, only memories were made
That dark gloomy morning became a wonderful day.
At night in her bunk as Dad tucked her in
“Thanks for taking me fishing” she said with a grin.
He turned out the light then closed her door
She’s warm in her bed while out side the rain pours.
Now closing her eyes she pictures that lake
And the millions of circles the raindrops did make.
No life in the forest, nothing moving around
Just that old gray canoe laying there on the ground.
there’s a curve
at the end of every sidewalk
did you know every block’s
measured by the lazy way a rope
skips and ponytails itself down its own street?
my, how my rope bends
alongside that straight line
six inches above what you call a ‘curb’ under my knees
falling and rising under my feet
This is my goofy dad.
We're best friends now.
My smoothie cup in his pocket
gives it all away
in this photograph.
My dad was always fun,
always encouraging me to do good,
listening to music with me,
even taking me on late night trips
But that was then.
For sixteen years he was always there,
even when it was just to
stick his tongue out
for a picture in my collage.
I remember feeling insanely happy
that night because
I was with my dad at the festival.
What I didn't know was that
in a couple of years
everything would change.
I'm lucky to even be able
to contact my dad now.
He chose to leave me
so he could make a new best friend.
I wasn't good enough anymore.
Time – a prison
I see my Daughter’s life, spent in a time capsule,
locked in this prison, a prisoner of her own devices,
waiting for the phone to ring, to bring her to life,
to open the cage door, behind which she keeps herself,
hidden, setting her free for a moment, to run,
with living time, instead of locked up in it,
letting it be her guide, carrying her along.
The moment of life passes, time once again stands still,
as she reincarcerates herself, relegated to that void,
that pain filled space of motionless, lifeless time,
dead time created by, imprisoned by her belief
- in this conman, a man steeped in bullshit, in lies,
this imbecilic child in a man’s shell -
that it’s love coming from this controlling child / man
fated by, fuelled by the emotions of a child, my Child.
Oh !!!, to turn back the clock, if but I could,
teach my Daughters, they need not, should
not follow, blindly, the footsteps of us who would
send them on a journey towards self-destruction,
we, who guided them along without instruction,
we who failed them miserably!!!
That we, be their mother and me.
B. J. “A ” 2
May 5th 2002
The backyard finally shines with green and blue
Julie stresses and storms through the shafting Saturday light
Ella cries over the tossing of her mother's old trophies
She wants them though they're not hers to have
I am standing amid a circuitry of thick taut ropes
With duck tape across my mouth
I am told this is not my drama
Though I must watch and keep above the waves
In silence, in shadows, and if I dare speak
a serpent's tongue will lash out at my good intentions
My rotten timing, my ghostly presence
How do you express the "there, there?"
In what fantasy world, can I send both mother and daughter to their rooms?
Until they learn to speak nicely to each other?
When do I get to shout some sweet nonsense?
After all, my hands are still free
The duck tape isn't permanent
I can shatter this quiet agreement
I can be the psychologist-lover-father-figure
Though I can also sit outside in the backyard
Where the colors shine blue and green for the first time in months
And wait for it all to pass over, to be better.
With what wiser minds do we treat such roller coasters?
Where have you been, little ones? Stolen away so long ago.
An aching heart and lonely life for an evil man today,
searching the horizon and begging God for signs of your return.
Will they ever come? Should I go to them? What will our future be?
What did you do today? Did you think of me as I thought of you?
When I look at the sad moon before I sleep and wonder.
Do you see the same sights I see?
Are you OK?
The questions and sadness flows and never ends. Why?
For many years I've blamed God.
Are you angry at Him?
I hope not. He's not the one who should be blamed, but I.
Sundays are the worst ones for me to bear. Even today, years after you were taken
from me, I cry.
I'm crying now. Sunday family fun day no more. Just me.
I miss my girls and care about you. It's OK if you don't care about me.
I ask for nothing but your smiles and a hug, that would last an eternity.
You haven't seen or heard from me, I feared the trouble it would cause.
But, in your day, if you think of me, know that I think of you and cry to be near.
Just a hug and a tear, together. With a laugh and forgiveness to spare, healing the
past for us, today.
How are you doing? Where have you been? What tears have you cried without me to
make them go away?
If you need me. If you need me to come. If you need me to help. If you need me to
pray. If you need me to just go away. It's ok. I am here.
I Love You.
Never thought a life of another would be growing inside of me
It came as a surprise to me but a baby is not what I need
Abortion is never an option I see, adoption is not where my baby will be.
For the next 9 months it’s going to be you and me.
Having you nurturing inside of me will give me the strength to be strong.
At times I will break down and cry
Other times my smile will shine.
I can’t wait to see you grow.
To see pictures of your fingers and toes.
You tossing and turning inside of me inflicts pain but that fine with me
Because that lets me know Mommy’s baby is okay.
As your body constantly grow
My stomach will start to show.
Our bond will get stronger and stronger
Seeing the features of your face will excite me
Makes me wonder if you will have big brown eyes
Or those of your father
It really doesn’t matter because I will see.
I wonder if you are a girl or a boy.
Will I buy blankets with pink flowers or blue trucks.
With you growing inside of me, I began to think of my importance
How you will be a blessing to me and how blessed I will be.
Months have passed and I can no longer fit my pants
Stomach sits out big and far
I can’t but think there you are.
Can’t wait for you to be in mommy’s arms.
From here on out you are all that matters to me.
Give me a red rose,
fill each petal with your love.
Allow the tenderness of your eyes
to peruse the pastel approvingly.
Give me a red rose,
as deep and passionate in colour as can be found.
Let it run across my cheek,
falling with your hand like a star.
Give me a red rose,
straight from the garden in your soul.
Nurtured with the light of your eyes,
the beats of your heart.
Give me a red rose,
that depicts the passing hours in your arms.
Not as a blase' depiction of love.
It is a metaphor. It is the blossoming of beauty.
Give me a red rose,
leave the thorns attached.
Don't avoid the cuts and pain - they will heal
letting the stem hold tighter to the smile.
Give me a red rose,
I'll give you eternity. A speckled sparkle
in a raindrop that clings to the colour.
A moment that lives for eternity, beyond the vessel.
What hurts the most is your not home
what hurts the most, is you left no note
you left without
you've done it before
but it was worse this time
I wasn't around or
about that day,
I laid in the coast
of a near by bay
I laid face
down in the sand
not about to
take a stand
I understood that you had to go
your country needed you oh, oh
but what hurts the most
I wasn't home
what hurts the most you
had to go
dad come home
we miss you
the incredible views
but you're fighting in a war
no combat can be igored
but what hurts the most is
you're not home
what hurts the most is there's
for when I want to say hello
or to say I feel yellow
what hurts the most is I didn't say goodbye
what hurts the most is
me thinking there won't
be a next time.
Based on a true event.
Is the envy of the autumn sun
It holds winter close
Your lonely eyes
Map the secrets of Venice
Behind a carnival mask
Are vessels to your heart
Where armies invade
Are like ocean tides
Shifting with the moon
Are polished flowers
Sprouting from melted concrete
Your face is like my own
Too much so
*In 2008 my dad died of cancer. My mother and I was working a quilt for him while he
was going through his treatments so he would have something to remind him of us. I
was writing a poem for him that I was going to emborider on the quilt the night I got
the phone call he'd died. Here it is, the poem I've been most afraid of ever since
because as soon as I finished writing this the phone rang and I just knew.*
Through the years you've missed alot
But you've always ran through my prayers and thoughts
I just wanted to let you know
I love you and I will always be
My daddy's baby girl.
The mysterious person under my bed
Is my Mommy
But, at the time
I had no clue who was under my bed
So then I was scared
And I did everything I could
Then I looked underneath my bed
And I saw my Mommy
Then I chased her around
Because she scared me
Child, Oh my child.
Words whispered on broken breath,
A baby soft palm upon my breast.
I can feel the wind stirring my hair.
Even as my sightless eyes attempt to stare.
Child, Oh my child.
The disappointment overwhelming.
Choking the sweet lilted voice til warped.
With needs desires,
dreams that had floated near.
Child, Oh my child.
Laying upon the street,
flakes plummeting from the air.
Frozen, so frozen yet my spirit is still here.
Twas the sweet lilted voice of a mother that had led me here.
Baby girl, you are my world
So why can't I fix what ails you?
I am told that I say and do the wrong thing
How else am I to fail you?
I hurt when you hurt but I'm told
I have no right
I try to show you how much I care
Even though I'm not always within sight
Inside, I feel great despair
I gave birth to you but you are not mine
Please listen, oh please mind so instead
of quarreling why not say what is kind
I love you so much, I often wonder
What goes through your mind
And I hope that someday you can
See past whatever keeps you blind
Why the thought of losing you is
Why I continue this fight or flight
For all will reveal itself to you in due time
he taught Bible study
at our local church.
Mother caught him
kissing her cousin, Marie,
in the kitchen.
He groped cousin Anna
under the water
as we swam in the pond.
Anna’s mother told mine.
My thirteenth birthday,
in his eyes, meant
that I was fair game.
I resisted, threaten to tell.
Again, Mother caught him
lying on the hall floor
before an open door
with head hung down
to watch sister and I
shower in the basement.
A lifetime of dread
for the next incident
when, or what, or who.
in his presence.
the ugly secret kept,
for Mother’s sake.
In my heart,
sweet relief felt,
on the day he died.
hormones started it all
taking her into puberty
whether she liked it or not
making her the object of the male gaze
at an early age &
she found the affection of many,
she partied hardy,
squeezing herself into the tightest clothing,
snorting the best *****she could find
with 100 proof veins,
pumping loud music into her throbbing
staying up 24/7---
raging against the dying of the light
when it all fell back on itself,
she got cleaned up
she got a career &
when age started to slow it all down,
she settled on a bloke who
had actual feelings for her &
the storybook was opened---
soon a new life was on the way &
with an already happy household established
the two decided to have it,
fumbling their way into parenthood
as parents will do when they first start out,
still trying to balance some sort of
life that they once had
while devoting every second to the rearing of
the new daughter---
after many sacrifices &
many sleepless nights,
the years passed & mom saw her wrinkles
begin to race neck n’ neck
with the arrival of lush brown hair now turning
her daughter, however, began to bloom,
just as she had when she hit such an age &
the sneaking out to see boys,
the first time caught drinking,
the squeezing into tight clothes &
the complete breakdown of what once seemed to be a
healthy mother-daughter relationship,
found its way into the once-hip mom’s home---
now mother starts to look at her daughter with jealousy &
she gets not one iota of support from her own mother
who finds it hilarious that finally the boomerang made its way
now the shoe is on the other foot,
where the frustration & responsibility has been handed down
to the daughter who once caused so much to her own mother,
now suffering at the whim of
her own teenager.
Figure clad in white
Soul clothed in white
Body soaked in wine
Youth entrenched in mind
Foreign name on paper
A specimen of mystery
A living dictionary of life
Your body, scarred by time
Face disfigured by “love”
Hands scarred by money
Hair, grey from thoughts
U have lived a millennia or two
But your origins,
Not a soul knows
Some say, “Descendents of David”
Others, “Remnants of Solomon”
They have dug out graves
Gone through caves
Climbed up Kilimanjaro
Even looked into the Nile
Some look up to the stars
& talk about,
“The BIG BANG”
You are son of the soil,
Daughter of the sand
Mother earth breast fed you
Father sun baked your identity
Ostriches are raised for you
For your honor.
You are a black man
Born of AFRIKA
Blessed by the stars
Cloned by the night
Rise above your feet
The valley of Rainbow Border Dahlias
It is calmed tonight. The voices of people
Once upset and decorative given the nature
The best of Calla Lilies' funeral
While the moon pallid and pregnant
Is blazing around the horizon and flowing over fat clouds.
Across the street where that happened
Stella d'Oro Daylilies her name has been written
With candle lights: A teenage had died.
A sweet soul, a local reporter has said.
A figure of her stands up. With accusatory finger
To the vast God leaving nothing to be
Confused with! He killed me!
On the streets, they can see only cats and filthy dogs.
They are injecting and relating. They are out
In host hunting butterflies whose smell
Spread over the last earth's life.
Look! That is the girl. She’s painless with a sense of lost
Using her tropical ability to remember you and I
She cannot be alone. She seems to communicate
With rotten organism or the simplicity
That perturbs and penetrates the quietness of a bee.
San Fernando Valley, May 12, 1990
You are late to every event,
in the mirror you stare,
minutes quickly turn into hours,
but you don't seem to care,
your boyfriend thinks your beautiful,
you are daddy's angel too,
why you are constantly so down on yourself,
they obviously don't have a clue,
your lover tries to cheer you up,
there goes a brand new ring, new clothes, new shoes, even a bit of bling,
what he doesn't get is material objects don't mean a thing,
you are really hurt on the inside that you don't look like women in magazines,
they are so perfect in appearance,
their hair falls just right,
all the guys love them around the world so you will never meet their criteria right?
One thing that you can't see in a magazine model is this thing called truth,
they are dressed up like politicians to make them look like they have it all together,
they try to pretend like they can't hear or see the truth,
Like Helen Keller,
Every night they close their eyes they wish they could be normal like you,
have kids, a husband, a house and even eat regular foods too,
so don't ever doubt who you are because magazines are not real,
but you are living in reality and I wanted you to know Perception kills...
im saying good bye to you since you dont care
im saying goodbye to you because honestly you just werent there
im tired of trying to win your affection
im tired of trying to have you in my life
three strikes and you're out but i gave you more
so this is my final goodbye im finally closing that door
maybe it wasn't time but i've had enough of waiting
maybe it just wasn't meant to be but now we will never know
i hope one day you get a second chance
i hope one day you would realize that you didnt give me your all
so many things i wanted to say but you never gave me the chance
but thankfully im not gonna live my life with regret
i gave you my all i even forgived
i showed you who i was, who i am, who i wanted to be
but you were too blinded by what? so you just couldnt see
later in life on my wedding day you may cross my mind
later in life on the day of my child(ren) birthday(s) you may cross my mind
but thats all that you're gonna be just a vague memory of what was and what could have been....
From the Daughter you could have had
It's summer again
And I hate it
Your abuse is worse in summer
Every summer you do this to me
You call me horrid names
You hurt me physically and mentally
And I'm sick of
I just want to runaway but
If I did then you would be hurt you
I know you don't mean doing these things
Don't you understand what it does to me
You say you care about me
But do you really
You know, I don't care anymore
I cared for years
But now you've gone too far
You're taking me away from
My friends, my boyfriend and even family
Why do you do this
Is it because you hate me
Even if you do
I have too much heart to hate you back
I want to kill you
I really do
But if I do then I might as well kill my self
Ha! There you go again
You're now going to beat me
because I said 'I love you'
I sigh and go to my room
I pack my bags and leave a note
Saying how much I hate you
I bet you're crying and I'm happy
I'm happy you feel distraught
I hope you have a horrible life starting now
My longing desire beckons
Go kiss the fair faced moon!
Though its reflection lies
giving forth a priceless smile
than why oblige to go
kiss the fair faced moon?
Sometimes I feel,
that life is not real.
Sometimes I feel so fake,
like I could use a stake,
to hurt myself but I won't.
Sometimes I feel so happy,
but feel so flappy,
My lips are chappy.
As I turned away i looked in the mirror,
I seen no hair, in the hospital sitting by,
me is my mom.
I started to cry,
Oh how i couldn't try to eat,
I didnt know what was going on,
A doctor comes in and tells me how it was going to happen,
All of a sudden i close my eyes,
and i have seen heaven.
God has still not answered my question,
for there i knew i have got to heaven.
THere sat a gold chair,
with a man sitting in it,
For that man who died for me so i could be free from my teenaged cancer.
African rape of democracy
She is citadel of beauty,
Crown in all nature bulden
Nature made her, her blessing of
Atlantic, Equator, desert are beauty
They came in Khaki and iron
Rape her raining to harmattan
Emptied, she is made in the sun
Her natural endowment with no
Africans weep, weep Africans with
The rape have her of a daughter in
Democracy a daughter of rape
They took to alt democracy in scope
Behind the khaki and iron
They promise a fresh face, fine con
But in disguise and vacuity
Democracy is rape by without in
Their companions family autocracy
Friends, relations said monocracy.
The rape anchor family, friends
Democracy poor beauty she given to
My heart weep, the horn of ship
Of miscarriage that goes to ocean
The iron fish not swallow OK, that
Ocean iron fish and the rapist
Have a hand in this pist
Who thought the rapist the way of
Theme of the above poem
(1) Natural blessing
(2) Rape: destroying what has been
(5) Continuation of been in power in
Note: This is a free verse poem of
about 26 lines arrange in 4 stanzas,
starting with stanza one that has 4
lines the rest 6 and so on, stanzas
arrange in climax order. The poem
has a rhyming scheme of Ab Ab in
stanzas 1 and stanza 2 with ccc ddd,
Reason: This poem is written in the
of African leader who are always
coming into giver by coop (Stanza 2
line 1) they came in khaki and iron
and there sit tight attitudes and how
they carry African resources to other
countries not developing their own
states and country stanza 4 line 6
Place of writing: Igoni goni
(1) African leaders should not be the
sit tight leaders
(2) That African leaders love taking
African resource over sea for them
to enjoy an Africa the people
without love and causes scarcity of
You are the beauty that I see from my love.
You are the prayers answered from God above.
You are the sea that rolled like thunder.
The hope for me to not fall under.
You are the air that keeps me alive.
You are the reason that I thrive.
Hold fast to memories made
just between you and me.
Always knowing I will love you endlessly.
Youth to deny
Wearing an illicit sign
To drink from her curious eyes
And ravish her tender mind
Her innocence stalks her
It’s a phone call, long distance,
your voice empty - echoes,
reminding just how far we have drifted,
How we can never again connect so easily -
without prejudice or distrust.
The phone line cackles with deception ,
With words thought but not spoken -
Caught in the void somewhere between
breath and vibration, sound and dictation,
Knowing it matters not how far one spreads their wings,
What lengths one will walk and
run, run, run,
One cannot escape what has gone before.
Perhaps it is fate that deters us from our promised path
Or a lacking of character – either way,
A bad seed cast carelessly delivers the fruit of temptation
And despite the best of intentions, leaves only sorrow in its wake.
Tempers fraught, apologies sought,
Wrongs that cannot be reversed
no matter how far across the globe traversed.
It is a phone call, long distance,
Words without diction,
Reality, not fiction
That fuels this static on the airways.
A lifetime of crossed wires.
The strobe lights, loud music
silver glitter balls,
reflected like stars,
on a floor made of glass.
She was grinding and pumping
body toned; tight and fast,
she was the centre of attention,
her choice; her last dance.
She effortlessly glided
up and down the polished pole,
her red satin outfit,
simply amplified her show.
As she expertly moved
to the chanting of the men,
she drew into herself,
and produced a most dazzling grin.
Now as she became one with the pole,
she gave it her all,
this was her finale;
red stilletos was all she wore.
As she smiled and waved
she searched deep within her core,
for this one final bow,
to thunderous applause and roars.
She quickly grabbed her satin outfit
as she ran backstage,
and in the comfort of her robe,
she kissed a picture; her daughter, Paige.
I did this for you
my precious baby girl,
for college bound you are,
with the thousands I have earned.
As the men cheered loudly
for one final show,
she smiled in the mirror;
and set free her soul.
A rainy day in the country,
A mother and daughter drove.
To wish the sisters a happy birthday,
And how they are getting so old.
A homemade cake in the back seat,
So moist and chocolaty.
I would never be able to taste,
And become so perfectly.
About a mile away,
The turn in the road they took.
A fate that caused 3 deaths,
And a daughter left on own.
A rainy day in the country,
A daughter drives to visit.
To wish her sisters a happy birthday,
And how we’re getting so old.
A cake turns to a certificate,
So sweet and monetary.
The homemade gifts aren’t worth much anymore,
And the sisterly feeling is no more.
About a mile away,
A turn in the road she took.
Faced with reality that mother is gone,
And that the bonds are broken.
A rainy day in the country,
A daughter is forgotten.
The wish to bring her mother back,
And that things would go to before.
A tear becomes a flood,
So sad and heartbroken.
Feelings of love now replaced by obligation,
And I’ll leave you alone.
About a mile away,
A turn in the road she took.
Not happy, but smiling,
And things will never be the same.
A rainy day in the country,
A tear becomes a flood,
About a mile away,
I miss you.
My names symbolize and mean victorious.
I am a soldier of a higher power.
I am one that is here on a direct mission:
To defend the defenseless.
I am a sword.
The sword strikes those who attack the weak.
So that the attackers feel the wrath given to me,
And understand that I treat them as they treat others.
So that the weak know,
They are never alone in this fight.
I am a shield.
The shield defends and respects.
It respects that all are human,
I am wisdom.
I step back and watch the skirmishes of life,
I review them rationally,
So that when I join a battle,
I know, I am on the right side.
There is a higher power.
It inspires me to act.
But It is kinder than I.
It would forgive where I would strike back.
But I will fight anyways,
For it is my duty to fight other battles.
Life is a fight,
I am a sword.
I am a shield.
I am wisdom.
I missed you Dear
For the past twenty eight hours
You are eighty kilometers away from me
You are sleeping eating there as a child but
I have lost everything here cause I missed you
I cannot forget your angel smile and
I cannot digest your absence for such a long hours
You have moved to shape your future but
This old man missed his present with you
I may dream on your future but
I am not so strong enough to meet this loneliness
Send me your smile to guide me in dark
Send me your childish speech
To forget all my worries and pains
Forty hell days I will have to spend
To meet your face in smile and bliss
My daughter! My love!
Come dear to heal my pains and wounds.
it's not as good as you say
It's not what it seems
False tales and dreary days
No sunshine, it only rains
Just old cloudy days
And yesterday's dreams
It's not all you make it out to be
Things don't come free
There's a price for everything
Even a price for your soul
You're making something out of nothing
it's always something
All the drama, all that pain
Stings my piercing heart
You tell your lies in the dark
One day I'll bust open
Have you ever been forced to do something
Against your will? You throw a fit
And yet they don't care. About your
I know how you feel.
I need some advice now
About all my options
Because no matter what
I'm not giving in
NO MATTER WHAT
Already asked most people I trust
Got some "help"
But I wouldn't call it that
Because it didn't
The only other options
Run away? Suicide?
What else??? This is a life decision.
It will determine how I turn out
I'm running out of options
Should I turn to my last resorts?
Were all victims
(and mutual in that way.)
You have to feel for everyone.
We're all hiding something.
-That no one else has to know-
So don't ask.
Wonder, Don't ponder
Feel my eyes on your soul
And I'll fell yours.
That's really all it takes.
What am I but a niche in your life?
And you in mine?
Oh Lord!keep my daughter in your hands
Oh Lord restore her happiness and
Redeem her from this present dark
Exclude her from this nasty hell and
Give me her back as the past innocent angel
Wipe her tears and spread your gift smile
In her face
Put an end to her struggles from that rascal youth
Pave a way to her normal walk to her goal
Take all my goodness to bless her to have all
Take my life too to compensate the above
Change the sky and heaven
Though it is too far and away from my eyes
Change the earth and seas
Though they are large and mighty
Curse all bitter things from her life
Keep her to smile always up to her
I see you
you might come
maybe I say
, but you don't
and just walk away
I then see you
stopped dead in track
you pull out your phone
to give me a text
try to get away
you say through
I reply okay
because I know I better.
A daughter is a precious gift...
More valuable than the rarest pearl...
How fortunate is that father....
Who carries in his arms a baby girl....!
A living embodiment of hope & happiness...
A symbol of endless love & care....
A daughter is the best support...
When a Dad encounters utter despair...!
It needs luck as well as a heart to raise the head high n say...“I am the proud father of my daughter “!
Poetry Form: Neville
(This form is not included in list of selections)
A Yankee Dime was his pet name
for kisses he desired.
She gave them as required
oblivious of his true aim
for favors offered her.
Then, like a mongrel cur,
he left her fixed in painful shame.
He was her daddy and she thought
his love was innocent.
Unconscious of his bent
she sensed no danger to be brought
but soon she felt betrayed,
her confidence x-rayed,
her undeveloped soul distraught.
For years she fought to climb above
unworthiness she felt,
without a safety belt,
to keep at bay the hate thereof.
At last her strong faith won
of rancor there was none
nor hunger for a father's love.
Out on the beach with an amazing guy. The sun's so pretty, the sun's so bright. We're walking and talking about all our good times, against the world, hand in hand. Smiling and walking on the beautiful LA sand. We sit on a bolder and watch the sun set. It's an amazing day, one I will never forget. You slip your arm around me as we as we look at the beautiful sea. "I love you," I say as we feel the cool evening breeze. "I love you too," you say and pull out a small black box. I look at you, smile, and my heart stops. You open the box to reveal a beautiful ring. "Will you marry me?" you ask as my eyes fill with tears and my heart starts to sing. My smile gets wider as I say "yes". You pull me close to your chest. I gently kiss you as a tear rolls down my cheek. You brush it away and smile at me. "I love you," I say one more time. "I love you to baby," you say as you smile, "now your deffinitly all mine."
Today's the day, the day that starts the rest of our life. The day you become my husband, the day I become your wife. The last time I saw you was last night. But I woke up to a beautiful sight. A bouque of beautiful red roses lie on your pillow with a note on top. "I love you," it says, "and I can't wait to see you." I smile and whisper "I love you too." I take a shower and walk down to the beach to see how much is done. I step onto the hot sand and I feel the hot sun. It's almost done so I start to head home. I need to here your voice so I call your phone. "Hey babe," you say, "is everything okay?" I tell you everythings fine, I just need to hear you. I tell you I love you. You tell me you love me too. You say you have to go but you'll see me soon. "Okay, I love you," I say and look at the clock, it's almost noon. "I love you too," you say and the line goes dead. I look in the mirror and put my hands on my head. I smile and start to get ready for tonight. The first night of m new life.
I take a look in the mirror one last time. Just to make sure my beautiful dress is fine. I walk down to the beach and wait by the gate. I fix my veil and look at my friend. "You look amazing," she says and puts some flowers in my hand. "Thanks," I say and smile. I can't wait to walk down the aisle.
Rainbow circle never ends
Mother, sister, daughter, friend
sitting in your circle there
colorful skirts fanned
as you each braid
the other's hair
fills the air
joy & anticipation
for the dance
tonight is shared
Captured now forever
image burned into
this cowboy's heart
reminding me forever
that a circle
has no end
Grandmother, Mother, sister, daughter
My middle Daughter
As I see it, as I have felt it, as I understand it !
Mandy, is, and certainly has been a closed casket,
a closed book, carrying with her to the grave’
all that is buried deep within her soul,
all the secrets her heart holds,
all the thoughts kept within her minds hoard,
all the feelings encased within her young being.
Except, that is, on rare occasions when a worm,
or two, bores holes into the darkness of her,
below her earth shell, allowing a beam of light,
from within, to reach up and touch the outside world,
enlighten the inquiring minds of, those of us
who would like to know and know the truth.
Then again, maybe it is me, just me who lives in a grave,
kept in the darkness, kept from seeing the light,
kept from knowing the truth,
the whole story or the story at all.
Could it be me who keeps it all away from myself ?
B. J. “A ” 2
November 6th 2001`
It was love at first sight
a complete bonding of souls
from the first shared breath.
I was so young
a baby, really
You were older, wiser
had seen the world.
You knew things
and you taught me them
with kindness and humor.
You answered my triumphs with cheering
my mistakes with gentle advice
my anger with patience
my frustration with compassion
my strivings with encouragement
my tears with understanding.
It was in your embrace
I learned to feel safe
to feel wanted
to feel what it's like to be
I am forever grateful.
Happy birthday, Mama!
Looking through old photo boxes
I happen to trip upon
High School memories of my Mother
Resound off the walls, faded edges
Finger printed memoirs sigh between the creases
Of the emerald green sofa
Laughing, fashionable, full of vitality
Mother to me, was
A friend, a mentor, a lover, to somebody else
Seeing how she had a life, before this family
I felt the pregnant tears start to fall
Each weighing about 6 pounds or so
8 ounces, ten fingers, ten toes
Perfect forms of some sort of therapeutic
Amends for a mistake made years ago
Taking a solitary race down my face
But I never cry
I get this kind of strength from my Mom
How is it that I don’t even know who you are?
Standing in front of the sink
Washing crusty dishes and wiping off crude recollections
On windows, what is really behind,
Those beautiful slanted eyes
I see in those photos?
The All American Dreamer
Capturing moments in a single shot
Of insight, imagining her
Tiny frame spending hours in the developing room
Crimson passion running, igniting, illuminating her face
Dripping, re-dipping negatives, cutting and pasting
To make the world just a bit more beautiful
A touch more understanding
An image to make us human
How could she sacrifice everything?
For a bundle now grown and barely appreciating
Her surrender of a perfect dream, such ambition
Why did she accept being pregnant at 18 years old
With a wide open road and an never ending horizon
Car packed, engine on blasting her favorite Madonna song
Instead she turned around and w