Toilet Bowl Committee (aka: Uptown Hood)
A lavatory confinement
If you want to moderate this place, pick up the pace
From the mouth down to the @$$
Your so called kind has no class,
Fed by these political rejects, never elected for what was!
They wipe their assets clean with our dreams
Forgetting to wipe their own toilet seats clean
Trying to make us feel dirtier than scat
Feeding off our paper when their toilet bowl water level is low
Toilet bowl PO-poes, wiping without dental floss
Missing everything in between reality
Trying to be kind, saying "One Day We'll Be Good Enough!"
Offering their Golden Plunger, straight from the Home Depot shelves
No Thank You! My plunger a true gift from Mr. Wal-Mart himself
Next time you feel the need to offer a reference point
Please caption your name when you drop by,
Rinse thoroughly when speaking my name,
Then I will listen when you talk civilized
Correct my punctuations and spelling errors
The weakest trait you wear
You are no Prophet, just white tissue turning brown
Your Justification comes from old dried up grapes falling from the vines
Ridicule will never give you the respect, for what you are!
We, the few poets from the hood, overpowers any change you offer Goodwill
Crumbling and flushing what does not meet your standards
Trying hard to force feed us soup, without giving us bibs
Toilet Bowl Committee
For clogging up my drain with your bull$h!T
By: Keeping it Real (The Downtown Hood)
~A Poet Destroyer Collaboration~
You ripped me
One word at a time
Shredded my smile
Pulled at my sensitivity
I was never strong enough
To pull back my paper heart
You took the pieces of me
Arranged them in your perfect order
I prayed for the wind to come
Hoping I would be carried away
Flutter to a new more loving home
Instead, I endured your paper cuts
I became your paper mâché
Shaped into the image of you
Glued with your inconsistancies
Coated in your endless smoke
Sarcasm and beer
I marinated in your endless tears
You painted me with a retarded label
Your stupid failure of a son
Forced to endure that brush
It was with your eyes I learned to see
Everyone else was better than me
I was a failure times three
My inside empty
I became light as air
As time went on I ceased to care
It happend slowly you weren't aware
Until one day I floated past your stare
No longer raw and bare
I clawed and ripped
Rewrote my page
coming of age
Not your puppet on a stage
Contorted by your rage
I have lost you to your death
The air much clearer, still I feel your breath
Within my doubts your lies still hide
Yet within me a new strength resides
Your image of me no longer applies
Doubt and fear reduced in size
No longer your "DUMMY"
On faith I rise
For Charlotte's contest, heart and soul confessional.
Written, September 1st 2014.
Please don't tell me how to feel
Allow me my sorrow
Let me cry for just a while
My heart needs to feel it's broken
I do not desire to be the strong one
Answers may never come
Still there is comfort in my silence
I reach into a place you cannot see
You are blinded by your knowing
Your strength can be a weakness
Blocking anothers compassion
I am not seeking answers to questions
Please allow me to be
Let me cry for a bit longer
Within my broken
I allow God to fill the spaces
I trust Him with the answers
He whispers within my solitude
There is a strange comfort in not knowing
I cry for my friend
I feel his loss
The devastation of not knowing
The fear of the approaching battle
I wish to listen
Act if required
Cheer for him
Celebrate his spirit
Hold his hand
Live in his moment
I will not
I promise not
To tell him how to feel
My heart aches for
Your hearts that break.
I shed tears mingling with
Yours for the forgotten years;
The tortured monks and nuns…
For your people who suffer still
With no voice to teach
Your hopeless, hungry, young.
Only your elder's tears
Know of the deep sorrow
Of your lost lives, lost culture,
Your sacred Buddhist beliefs,
Your divine history that
Continues to be destroyed.
Even as your dead fall
You do not hate…
You only wish to liberate
Those loving souls who
Remain as strangers in their
Own beloved land.
Let me be your voice
To join with other voices that
Will help you attain freedom.
Things that seemed poetic were always sad,
though I yearned for sparkle
and my dad's guffaw, which never came.
Familiar things were always drear --
repeated motions in the same old game.
There were only distant glimpses
of budding spring, fleeting views
of daffodils. The strongest
poems dealt me death and dying.
Yet I always hoped, never went under
to gray despair, always dreaming
of a garden of love that we could share.
But those forbidden delights faded
quickly away; the only reality
I understand is the ever-looming
and final one. Nothing's changed.
The strongest poems deal death and dying.
The sting of shattered trust
fills his veins with toxic spite,
contaminating his heart.
He finds solace in a bottle,
quenching his resentment,
slurring forth caustic fumes;
nauseating his liver.
Until he spits her treachery up
with a sickening heave,
in the shallow, murky gutter
of a jaded man's reprieve.
Tell me that this fear is just paranoia in my mind,
we're not straining, we're not struggling,
we're not sinking, we're just fine.
I'm not perfect my dearest, but damn have I tried,
and I'll try harder but I know I'll have the same results every time.
Do you want me all the ways that I am?
With all the struggles and the tears and the clinging to your hand.
I fear your getting further and Im left on the shore to stand,
watching you in the distance with a bullet in my hand.
Tell me all this worry, its just clutter in my mind,
tell me not to worry that we're doing just fine.
Cause Im scared to run you off and I feel Im falling deep.
And Im so frightened of these thoughts that its getting hard to sleep.
All I know is that the heart wants what it desires,
because of you the match inside has turned into a fire.
And I feel the broken glass thats sticking from my skin,
Wondering if you'll remove the pain or push it back in.
My hearts frantic wondering if you feel the same,
pleading and begging for more than just a saying,
but to feel and to see that im not alone,
with being in this love thats overwhelming.
Once I told you that we didnt have a spark,
but you were lighting up and I was sitting in the dark.
And this fire, this blaze its wrapped in desire.
Im terrified to lose you, I think I might die or,
maybe disappear from all the pieces falling out,
im going crazy but when i open my mouth, nothing comes out,
and I cant explain to you why I just need to hold you close,
why every time you leave Im scared to let you go,
why these tears are building up behind my eyes,
all I know is that the heart wants what it desires
and it desires to be your wife.
So tell me in my panic, that your words are true,
tell my my dearest what I mean to you,
tell me that this paranoia is all within my mind
we're not struggling, we're not sinking tell me we're just fine
No flame within!
do I hold for you
no delightful delicacy
shall I put to rhyme.
No picturesque words
in italics of your
woeful wildlife, no
the ancient mariner, he
that crossed the margin
of our “Atlas of the world.”
(Still in use, [I believe] in the
old stone museum.)
One can easily live in fear
of your many mordant moods,
to see you capture the
embracing horizon, where warring
clouds fondle the sunlight,
and the departing QE 2 is
reduced to microcosm.
How can one live in awe of
you, when at the end of each
day you snatch at the light of
giving license to the veil
of damnation, soon to be cast
out of the east, driving impending
fears to languish upon the
unholy waters of the Styx?
(An extraction of the mind,
an evaporation of the memory
the spray dried brain
tossed into oblivion.)
Yet each morning an
interval to one’s ongoing
nightmare, when with renewed
levitation, the new light reprieved!
Begins avidly it’s universal
journey across Manukau’s
“Pack ‘n’ Save” Car park.
Oh yes! It is so easy to hate you;
you that brought the rest of
the world here, you that constitutes
a world within a world, that,
where the cycle of life creates it’s
own constitution, each player
judged on cue, to become an act of
fodder, mobile supermarkets
in ferocious competition with
nothing at all to give.
“Unless death itself is a gift!”
Upon the surface your
treachery still lingers, there,
tenacious tentacles lurk
within the sedulous surf,
groping blindly at sedated
rocks, those pinnacles of sanctuary
that harbour the weary,
support the rod.
Only when gravitation truly
intervenes, does the perpetual
invasion subside, leaving one in
no doubt about your promiscuity!
© Harry J Horsman
Lying silently on my bed, eyes open wide.
Watching as darkness moves in like a heavy fog.
My breathing seems to echo against the cold walls
And my heart beats rapidly as I’m plagued with thought.
Prayer like questions, if I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take, will he take me?
Instantly thoughts go to grandma, surely she’s there,
Surely her open arms will be there to greet me.
Harbouring such thoughts bring to me a peaceful smile.
I start counting all the loved ones I will soon see.
I count them as others count sheep in darkest night
They have become like soft comfort blankets to me
They make my nights less scary, should it be my time.
Soon my weary body gives way to pure darkness
I slip into a place of total nothingness
Time stands still and now I am neither here nor there
I am nowhere, floating helplessly forever
Then far off I see a light shining so brightly
Now I feel once more as my aching body hurts
I moan and roll toward the window lit with sun
Realization sinks in, I’ve made it……one more night.
Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
Anthony Slausen’s Contest:
Near Death Experience
heart beat expectancy
to heightened degree
it would come
It MUST come
for the message
"There must be a mistake!
How could he just vanish
disappear into thin air
and not care
No, there must be
Perhaps he was sick
perhaps he was dying
and he didn't want her to know
wanted to spare her the pain
all sorts of crazy thoughts
keep her awake at night
as she waited
for that message
The months passed
the pain grew and didn't subside
it didn't grow dull
nor did it recede
it did bleed...
though her eyes it tore
down her cheeks it bore
it could not be
where was the message???
a second chance
revival of romance
for that message
waited because her faith in him
refused to be shattered
by the calendar mockery
day and month debauchery
Yet...each new morning brought hope
steeped in the belief
of his chivalry
for the one whom she knew
could not be the one untrue
cruel and heartless enough
to have to taken her for a fool
she grew heart old
and soul weary
dead on her feet dreary
as she waited for a message
that never came
for your arm wrapped around
my clavicle. I thought
I would loose my breath.
for the cusp of our hip bones
struggling to pull the drunken color
from our orange cheeks.
and our sweat, our sweat, our sweat
in the drenched summer air.
Our pants futile afterthoughts
Left crumpled on the floor
It is here I asked for your respect
And you filled me with it.
for the musk smell of our blanket den. I would watch the way dawn light
speckled your shoulders, pale, white-blue
I would trace the ink
of your skin, fingertip hovering a half inch
from your bone.
for how my name would hesitate
on your breath in brief puffs
like dandelion seeds blown from
My wistful lips when I was
waiting for them to bring back my wish.
for my sleeveless dress, as we strolled from
your father’s funeral.
It was the only time I watched you cry.
There were little holes in the cement sidewalk.
They filled with rain, oil
And your tears.
I watched your face change through
their watery colored reflections.
for the way your skin repels from my
Touch, quivers as though my finger-
print were a red hot poker.
You haven’t allowed me to touch you
In a year.
for the color of her font, as she responds to you. It is an eager
Color. She responds with all the passion of an Eskimo kiss.
You left her waitng..always.
I have been special to you,
she replies to your
like a maid
Who’s felt the hot moist
whisper of something naughty
tickle against her ear lobe.
for the way your eyes punch accusations
sharper then your razor tongue.
blue crackled lightening,
like an angry alley cat.
My words cannot reach you here.
You will leave.
We will divide our booty
Words that once held my name like a piece
Of carefully folded origami
now hiss cold
devoid like the plaster of our empty room.
for the morning
now knocking on my window.
I am livid in my withdrawal, tossing and turning
I can find no comfort
the tangle of these vacant sheets.
I may not always write about you,
About the way your energy,
Caresses my spine,
And sends jolts of electrity,
Racing through my body,
Exploding each cell like fireworks.
I may not write about,
The way my dreams at night,
Fill with you and I dancing,
Heat bashing our skin,
Filling us with an unquencable need,
Touch beconing a new meaning.
I may not write about,
The way your eyes stare into mine,
Past the years I have seen,
And into the soul that I am,
Spirit colliding with spirt,
Melting together like Iron to form a sword.
I may not write about,
A love that we experience,
Through star strewed skies,
And blood soaked ground,
That causes even the fearful sight,
Of bombs exploding to look beautiful.
I may not write about you and I,
How I fill up your soul and your mind,
With thoughts and words and images,
That melt and form new words,
Your lovely muse who so beguiles you,
With a double bladed sword.
But Darling, don't let your heart,
Get away from itself,
Don't let your heart take the fall.
The wound I cause shall soon heal,
And you will read words,
Of another man, dancing with me,
Of another man, touching my soul,
His finger tips brushing the sides,
Of my breasts, his lips trailing down my neck,
Whispering with the heat of hells fires,
All that could be between, his and mine.
You will read lines that speak,
Of a sensual romance,
Pools and puddles of lust between thighs,
And an ancient sweetness,
That rivals Greek Ambrosia.
It is no fault of your own,
You have fallen and I have shown you,
The sharp dagger of my love.
I have been put in my place many times
Told how to talk
What to think
How I need to look a certain way
Be the way I'm suppose to be
Expectations to be met
I could never be me
That place that almost drove me insane
I kept being placed there
Over and over again
Yet I had no choice but to be true to myself
I couldn't be someone else's book
Placed on a shelf, in a perfect row, not standing out
No one knowing what I'm about
I ripped out the pages
Inserted my own
Scribbled on the cover
Added my own colors
My pages screamed to be read
Hoping others would hear what I said
As time went on
I often changed my design
Desperately trying to know myself
Unsure what I would find
Never really fitting in
Confused by what I found within
Hard to know where I belong
Listening to notes from others songs
Was my way of thinking right
In a distance I could see a glimmer of light
I dreamed my dreams
I craved the light
Then one day
All the pieces clicked
I fell into place
Joy accompanied by a certain grace
Comfortable with me
I live in the moment
I can just be
I am free
I know my place
Dedicated to my Friend Armand who knows
his place and helps others discover their place.
You my friend are a true original Happy Birthday!
She swept the side effects of yesterday
Into an unknown place where
Longing transcends the ache
Of remembered years that cling
To wounds that never heal.
The haunting specter of childhood ghosts
Lost in some nostalgic fantasy
Sift sad shadows from the past;
Unwilling to release the pain
That surrounds her days and nights
With the relentless intensity
Of memories that will not fade.
Perhaps time is ready to embrace
The ceaseless repetition of all
The yesterdays, todays and tomorrows
Bringing reality to a new transition;
So the shutters of her mind closed
And in her darkness she found release.
Can you hear me now? Good!
I can't seem to forget you
I love what you do for me
It must be love
between love and madness lies obsession
Like always. Like never before
At the sign of the cat
have a break, have a Kit-Kat
Tastes so good cats ask for it by name
Schhhh ... You-know-who
I'd rather die of thirst than drink from the cup of mediocrity
Perfect to you
There's a smile in every Bar
Obey your thirst
This Bud's for you
One a day helps you work, rest, and play
More fun than rum
Heineken open your world
... nobody can say no to the honey nut O
a bowl a day keeps the bullies away
Our plans are based on yours
You have my word on it
Be the first to know
Who we are
The "no problem" people
Only smarties have the answer
Making it all make sense
Because that's the kind of mom you are
Sometimes you've got to break the rules
Blow your own bubble
Catch our smile?
Everything we do is driven by you
Driven by what's inside
We'll take more care of you
You asked for it. You got it
We know what it means to serve
On your side
Allied on your side
You're in good hands
We make it happen
We'll be there
Get the feeling
Im lovin' it
You are the controller
Only on Playstation
You are now free to move
Unleash the beast
Is it in you?
Do you dare?
About this poem:
To "write" this poem, I used slogans, short and often memorable phrases
used in advertising campaigns. Below you can find the name of the product
(or the company) in order of appearance.
-Verizon Wireless; Wind Song; Toyota; Honda; Calvin Klein; Saturn
-Mercury; Kit Kat; Meow Mix; Schweppes
-Stella Artois; Wella; Dell; Hershey's; Sprite; Budweiser; Mars; Malibu;
Captain Morgan; Heineken; Rice Krispies; Cheerios; Applejacks Cereal
-Assurant; Isuzu; CNN; Guardian Life Ins; Auto-owners Ins;
-Captain Morgan; Rice Krispies; Buger King; Bubble Yum; Red Hills Inn;
Pacific Southwest Airlines; Ford; Subaru; British Airways; Toyota; USSA;
Nationwide Mutual Ins; Allied Ins
-Allstate; IBM; Chevrolet; Toyota; Mc Donalds; Microsoft Kinect; PS3;
Southwest Airlines; Monster Energy; Gatorade; Curious.
Split apart your ribcage,
Open up the corridor, and let me come in
Uneasiness instantly strikes through me
Let me sway away...
Let me flutter away...
Like a butterfly out of its cocoon
I'm trapped!Let me depart
Split apart your ribcage,
Unwrap me, let me go!
Believe me...reflect on me
Let me sway away...flutter away
Let us both seek the sun,
So we can grow together once more
I AM ALL YOURS
My Dear Father God,
My silent lover. My faithful friend.
My forever redeemer. My all in all.
Dear Father God,
How I want to see-
touch Your face.
I long to hear You
speaking to my heart, mind and soul.
I yearn my Father God for Your caress,
Your all consuming fiery love.
I have many faltering moves;
many times I know, I have failed to follow You;
many times I know, I have questioned You;
many times I know, I have made You frown;
many times I know, I have caused You misery.
I have forgotten You.
I have forgotten to seek You
to even thank You, nor worship nor praise You.
I have been so stubborn, so proud, so hard, so fooled or blind,
that sometimes, oh sometimes I didn't trust You enough.
Father God, I am so sorry for all of these..
I thank You for not ever ever ever leaving me;
Thank You for being so faithful to me;
Thank You for the strength and guidance You are raining unto me.
I can never be what I am now
unless You are not with me...
You are so sweet to be with me.
You treat me so so well:
Warming my cheeks whenever I wake up with sunshine's warmth.
Talking to me,
laughing and crying with me
Holding and hugging me
through all persons that surrounds me..
Testing and provoking my limits too.
Sheltering and guarding me every night and day
by providing - my every earthly needs..
Father God, more than these
You bestow me more with presents--
talents and skills that maybe I could have not known if not by Your blessing
potentials that again I didn't know if not by Your grace...
Thank You for making me realize
that I am here
You really want me to be here
that I am no mere accident.
who are my parents,
how I am born
and how my life has been,
You really want me to be here.
And I believe,
You have a prime purpose for my life;
You created me for a reason;
for a certain purpose--
And that is:
I believe to worship You
to use this life,
to declare and share all the love You have let me experience.
All the days of my life,
WALK WITH ME FATHER GOD
Make use of me to bring You glory..
Let it be, Father God, that my life be a testimony of You.
Allow me to be of full time service to You..
to bring You always a reason to smile.
I am humbly welcoming You Father God,
I am all Yours to use...
(c) Olive Eloisa
September 04, 2014
On a bright sunlit morning, washed brilliant with clover,
the day was alive with complacency, as color.
The day had no reason to quiver off course.
A cat in a tree, was stalking a bird,
and people were rising, to go off to work.
No one was thinking of nuclear things.
Below, in the trenches, a watchman has wandered,
checking a gage, or turning a page, of a manual's cover.
He scratches his head, and ponders a problem,
wondering how numbers could be out of order?
His heart rate goes up, his blood pressure rises.
He is wise enough, adding up, and soon he's alarmed!
He sets off the buzzers, but knows much too late,
the tremor he felt, was not of his own.
But instead, is the syndrome, we've always ignored,
That something horrendous.........Oh, my God, what will come,
of the innocent families who live in the zone?
People arising, beginning their day
who scurry their children, in a rush off to school.
and husbands who carry a lunch in their pail,
punching a time clock, to work at the mill.
Just an ordinary day, in the lives of the men,
women, and children who live 'neath the hill.
"The Hill", that will bring them the end of the world.
Living their lives, on a tightrope so thin,
daylight begins, but how will it end?
A tremble so mild, invisible wave,
has seeped from the waste, with a radiant hand,
to swollow landscape, and burn with the sun.
As heart rates get higher, blood pressure rises,
the tremor we feel, is now that of our own.
Oh, my God, what becomes
of the innocent targets who dwell in the zone,
men, woman, children......who live 'neath the hill?
"The Hill" that will bring them the end of their world.
For Deb's Contest: Global Poetry (Nuclear Leak)
I balance on a tightrope. Surrounded by
lovers and dreamers, I teeter above a raging sea.
I admire their glossy smiles and envy
their bright-eyed confidence; envy is a sin, I know.
Please forgive me; a lie would carry more guilt.
The waves crash in dark shades of gray, still they smile.
Their laughter from all around pierces the thin air.
I teeter alone; I may or may not fall.
My fate is undetermined, in my own hands;
the tragedy today may be tomorrow's comedy.
Their laughter echoes...
On a day like today, the fresh tears sting.
If only I could wake from the nightmare,
pry open the windows of my tortured soul.
If only I could charm the feral...if only.
Oh, the skeletal monsters we are bequeathed!
Yes, I understand the meaning of loyalty.
A fool believes the wicked will fall.
A fool believes the merciless will change.
Can a hollow chest develop a beating heart?
I chisel stone walls, searching for a glimmer of hope,
a flicker of humanity behind steel beams.
Could you spare a token of remorse?
I dare to drop a coin in a fountain of wishes.
A pocketful of coins jingle as my wishes sink
to the bottom of the venomous waters.
I am patient as I teeter on the tightrope.
The audience cheers taking pleasure in my pain.
Blood pulsates through my veins, yet I feel cold winds
penetrate my soul. I refuse to cower or
live in contention...
Blood is thicker than ink.
I find my balance in the written word, a gift of life!
Words sometimes spill from a bleeding heart.
I beseech the ghosts of the past to end their haunting.
Their breath is the frigid wind. I find shelter...
Tempered is the skin of the wounded. Who knows
what may lie beneath the flesh. In the mirror,
you may find a frightened child in need of love.
Most find the strength to balance and stand.
Every step brings me closer to solid ground...
I am reaching for you. Please take my hand.
she sits on roofs,
he on benches
fingers touch sky,
feet on ground
she savors fruits
straight from trees
he works hard
to get fruits of labor
leading separate lives
but bound by fate's thread
...feelings from childhood
could be the purest
dormant yet breathing...
she still touches skies,
he sits on benches still
as time moves on...
***just felt like posting something,
an old poem of mine written November of 2010
Squadron leader to his Sergeant.
Another fatality Felicity,
another regimental letter of commiseration,
another space to type in with a name a rank
another space to enter our lives,
on this the darkest of days.
He was my friend Felicity,
an old school chum; we joined up together
for the cause; for dear old Blighty
naively for the thrill.
Here, the earring he wore around his neck
soon to be reunited with the one
his sweetheart holds most dear,
her tatty old airline ticket, also soon to be reunited
with his the one she holds, a memento
of their first meeting on a flight to Paris ‘38’.
Sergeant! Empty your ashtray it’s disgusting.
Harry J Horsman
Maybe this can't be saved.
One more short year and I'll never see her again. I'll always be wondering about
her but it's better left that way. Never been able to face the truth. Even now.
We were all each other needed, some childish indestructable duo of sorts. All
Sometimes it's my fault. I've been a cliche since prom night when she came over
and apologised and suddenly she was perfection. After that I hardly spoke
around her in case I stuttered or worse, couldn't make her laugh. Was I in love? If
I was I still am. This intolerable inferiority complex, this petrified fear of not being
good enough feels all too familiar.
Don't think there was one moment when it all happened, but now I find myself
smiling arduously in black armour; all that she made me once again
undermined. I called her my mermaid; sunny skin, the beach in her hair and eyes
shining with all the colours and tempers of the ocean.
Now she's hacked away every detail of her. Barely recognisable, even to the one
who used to know her best.
There's a girl I still know, dancing through my memories, but already clinging to
herself, desperate to remain. She knows she can't stay forever.
We're not the people we were; this can never work.
Today I'm hiding behind a calm and carefree front; she can never know, nor
understand why. I'm blocking her out.
Out of sight, out of mind
No explanation. We were dying anyway.
But if she asks why I can't see her anymore
How can I even look her in the face?
If that's selfish then at last it's my turn.
I miss her even when we're locked in embrace. Affection is genuine. All else is
lost. She can't save us, can't put in the effort. I've tried but I'm weak. Another
excuse to take cover under.
I can't change her back. Why am I trying? I should just make the most of my
precious friend now.
A little more of her slips away every day.
Oh sky look down on this earth of gray,
Something dreadful on the horizon looms.
There is no black and no white today,
Laws exist but justice is doomed.
Morality is labeled religion,
And must be separated from state,
Whose own religion is political correctness
And determining God's fate.
Oh heaven rain down on us,
Ae are tasting your tears.
Yes we've become that bad,
Confirming your fears,
That what has been done ,
Is being done again,
Those lessons taught,
Coming to naught.
Judges and laws make it legal,
To be rid of your innocent babes,
Under a symbol of the eagle,
God's loving justice betrayed.
Racheal you cry the tears,
That now only heaven supplies,
Because ours have dried,
In the dust of our alibies.
Excuses and lies are linked,
As you and I know well,
The truth is all but extinct.
Truth is foreign to hell.
Oh heaven, look down on this world of gray.
Something dreadful is watching and looms.
Is there nothing left but to watch and pray,
While Rachael wails by the dumpster tombs?
I know I still love you
After all that you’ve done
You tell me different lies
Than you told everyone
I try to deny
The pain that’s built up inside
Though, even when I smile
My heart starts to divide
Now that I finally realize
The words that you’ve spoken
Were really all lies
I’m dying inside
And I can’t seem to get over you
No matter how hard I tried
Now every time I see you
I feel emptiness in my heart
But then I remember
How you deceived me from the start
Even then I had a feeling
That this may never last
But I can’t help thinking
About throwing away that past
Now that I finally realize
The words that you’ve spoken
Were really all lies
I’m dying inside
And I can’t seem to get over you
No matter how hard I tried
So tell me why
You had to lie to me
You may have tricked everyone around you
But you were the one who just couldn’t see
Now that I finally realize
The words that you’ve spoken
Were really all lies
I’m dying inside
And I can’t seem to get over you
No matter how hard I tried
As I look back on this
I find that I’m no longer broken
As these words pass my lips
Tragedy is never a sentiment for Time
For it is a phenomenon she merely sees
She pours forth abundance for all that behold her
Even for those of us that scold her
And for naught she was cursed from the beginning
There she is—interminable Time at the fullest!
And we all envy her ever-ringing constancy
She rules over our hearts
Keeping stress in our spirits
Not once does she feel sorry for us
Nor is she indifferent of our failures
She begs not for gratefulness
And accepts who she is with joy!
How ample we would be if we
Like she—were free of trepidation
If only we be like her waters—clear and visible from top to bottom
Filled with untainted approval
What fools we must seem to such a pure jewel as Time
But ah, she is both heartless and kind
And though we hate her peculiar aura
Oh how hard it is do tear her from our minds!
How stressfully beautiful Time is!
Like a wink of venerated bliss
She smiles and smiles
And our ironical faces feel like grime
Still she laughs in mirth
While the world becomes a ball of putrid hatred
Wanting more and more of her
And positively hating her
We that cannot see her began to hate
For we are as visible and low as can be
And we acknowledge her merely to insult her
Though she takes no pang to the chest
For the only gifts we give in return for herself are pangs
That she simply returns to each sender
Hidden is our pride
But ever placed
Is our inscrutable mortality
And this humiliation of our unchangeable fates
Makes us want to humiliate the more fortunate
Thus we regard her only as a concept
As a fraction of a belief—a bellowing ideal
For of course Time cannot in our honey-glazed eyes
Think, eat, drink or feel
We use her—yes! Even abuse her
Not once will she complain
For her gift is everlastingness
As our world spins into this blatant madness
Family units like dead leaves, fading fast!
Our children lost, good values tossed
Idols abound, keeps us in a choke!
Excesses, extreme shape our lives
The Golden Rule, now a corny joke!
A simple guide to can heal our earth-disregarded
Yet, in spite of all these,
God will have the final say
When wars and storms sweep across our earth
Leaders ignore the hour at hand
Perhaps, the last to stand as men
To right the wrongs of history past
And re enact laws to seal the cracks!
Potent winds arising, already on track
Remember, love for man and nature will heal this earth
Yes, I believe, in spite of all these,
My God will have the final say
So let the politicians, argue, fight and scheme
Let the liars, deceivers, play their games!”
Let death merchants chant their evil anthem
“It’s not a child, but a piece of flesh”!
While the years like pages torn from a book
All blowing away like dust in the wind
Gone forever beyond eternity's veil!
'Too simplistic', some claim, that love's the remedy
Yet, in spite of all these, I will fear no end, for
My God will have the final say!
Torturing me with touches
I feel the sting of hardened and lasting lust
Touches not of mortal fingers,
But Halloween-haloed strings composed by musicians of mystery
Pressing upon my back--yes! A searing, yet melodi-errotic strike
All upon me, yet far from me...
Leave me not in the judgement of my own scrambling feelings
Rest not away as I hold my hands out in the dark
Deathly dances are visions heaven-bound for the duo--
Yet for the solo- a blank, useless measure...
The pulsing silence of amateur-stitched love rattles me
Making rhythms giggle in my mind
Intervals of idiocy tormenting all reason
Truly an agonizing, but for others--minor--prison
Is the smile that helped design those strings
Those strings that pluck upon my spine
Controlling me in a dark place stuck between tunes and time
Why are your hands so cold when you play those piano keys?
Why are your lungs so eroded with the pride that taints the songs you sing?
Why have the rhythms gone awry, and why does your apathetic dissonance thrive?
And tell me… through it all…
As you compose the rise and fall…
Why is all this destruction you created so vibrantly alive?
When I am Colder,Older and then alone...
I will collect the sky on my own...
When the art has faded and the days then fade-
when everyone has gone away...
I may finally see what never was saw
.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh............... the quiet sky
The unlit room which bares my end...shows the flashes of my pains my joys and sins.
This life has been a strange one since the curtains were drawn
These paper and plastic figures have clouded the dawn
I was once younger,foolish,and obsessed with truth
Now I am bitter,sour,dour faced with my heart under shoe
The children were all searching or lost in a crowd
All weeds in a garden...growing vile and foul
Though beauty was sold it never came true
Obsessions and vanity have traveled safe through
Materials and poison and everything lost
have been burned in the fires or lost in the frost
I stand face to mirror tearing my being apart
Winding thoughts of love,pain,god,and art
As the sun sets and the darkness grows
I too shall follow this pattern in tow
Death has a friendly hand and a pretty face
She has given me comfort as I leave this place
The wars have occurred,humanity's lost
Souls have been burnt in the fire or lost in the frost
Day was Life,Night is Death
And the latter has given counsel on my final steps
I never talk to you as much as I should
Just to say thank you for all of your gifts
I take for granted all that you’ve given to me
Sometimes blaming you for all I have missed
And when you come to me I shy away
Feigning I can’t see you or hear you
But no matter where I look you’re around me
In every vivid color and shape of movement
You voice beckoning in all the worldly sounds
I even try to hide myself away from you
Still you find me wherever I go without effort
Cruel and hard or ignorant and fleeting
I’ve been both and you lovingly embrace me
Cursing you at the losses washed upon me
Your hand generously gives without prejudice
Gluttonously taking much more than my fill
When I look back you’ve again filled my cup
All the mistakes I have made and will make
Many of them knowingly and willingly
Still you offer all of your forgiveness
If only I will ask as a son should his father
I’ve broken so many of your rules a multitude of times
Deceiving myself believing you wouldn’t notice
Still you offer me everything you have
When I lay in the dark at night and examine
I hope and fear you and I doubt and pray
I hope you can hear me through all the other voices
Although I fear you don’t listen to me anymore
I force myself to doubt your existence
Knowing the truth unwilling to admit to it
I pray…Dear God…Can you hear me?
Slice me with your tongue,
Razor blade wounds,
To suck out all my poisens,
Sweet lonely lullaby,
Accusing eyes of sadism,
Picture perfect prodegy,
My Deadly Sin,
A bitter taste of arson,
Burning in my vital organ,
Your the pyre that burns away my mortality,
A sip of tea made from Lilly of the Valley,
A shadow of Death stalking,
With odd angel like wings,
A Numbing kiss like Drowning in Morphine,
Sweet arms to rest in till my vision no longer holds,
Eyes neither like Hell nor Heaven,
That Drip of Drugs into your system,
Intoxicated blood stream,
I'd rather not dream,
And instead get lost within - Your paralysing,
Your Paralysing, Brain lapse,
Your moving too fast,
Stay slow and dreamy,
Like a burning forest fire,
Pain throughout my veins,
Ravishing and Beautiful,
A voice torn from my throat,
With my last sight of you. . .
I need you to be stronger
I need you to never be afraid
swallow your pride,and your flight will be softer
tell her you love her,even if it hurts
Grab onto your dream and live it
Do not be afraid of the sun's divinity
Be better,love more, hold on.
Enjoy every stop of the ride.
For when the train finally stops...we die
Until we witness the angels dance after final day...
Dear Me, hide your fears away
If you don't want me,
Then quit wasting your time,
I'm not your plaything,
Better yet, quit wasting mine.
I hate the way you make me feel,
I hate the way you make this so real,
Why can't we just live in a fairy tale.
The Ink Bottle sits, alone,
It’s only Companions,
The Feathered Pen,
The Paper Pad.
The Desk, once alive,
But wanting not,
A Wooden Chair, dusty,
For the Comfort,
Time, a mystery gone,
Never to be recovered,
Days of gloom, waiting,
Shine not, The Light,
Come back, to Me,
My words, of Joy,
Wisdom, once known.
Just a moment ago there was laughter
The aching longing had since past
When you walked into the room
My heart simply gasped
You were everything I was missing
There was no room left for denial
I leapt across the room
To be in your arms for just a short while
And while I was there my heart felt full
In my eyes you shined like a jewel
A warmth spread through me like wild fire
Leaving happiness to chance and desire
We abandoned joy once we left through the door
Harsh words snapped against teeth
Pride wounded and tempers flared
We drove in silence tires screeching
If we fought we didn't care
You ignored my words and explanations
While I clung to my seat
I ignored yours and began to retreat
Into my mind away from the world
Away from the pain and the anger burning red
Wondering if I should just expect you to bite off my head
When you finally cool off you say sorry
But my hope falls flat on your apology
I curse all the reasons and my refusal to give in
I bury the tears in my eyes and hate the stubbornness in my head
Only remembering the memories of another life
Where I gave in every night to the fight
Sorry became just another word
Love didn't give a care in the world
I watched the flames die and turn into embers
The embers fade in the cold of December
I watched love die and swore Id never give in
Then you caught my heart and made me love again
And we've been fighting - Dividing
Well, I don't want to let you go
And if I still sound angry
It may be because I'm scared as hell
Praying we weren't better off friends
Praying that our love will fare
Better than the rest of the world
I act like a tough woman
but I have the heart of a fragile little girl
God awful gut wrenching
acid rising murder of crows,
False importance on the trivial grows.
A gag reflex of learned fear
turmoil roils hurricane high
calms counterweight on the psychic scale.
Taste the bitter bile of discontent.
Far fetching fowl…
fouling the content
eating the brash bits of joy
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
I need to get you out of my system,
bleed it out by the blade
You are an incurable disease
You are the cancer consuming me
I need to get you out of my head,
but I can only lie on my death bed
You are the ghost of my reminiscing
You are the piece that is missing
I need to come to terms inside
Perhaps we'll cross paths in the next life
Blood red eyes
Tears flowing down unshaven cheeks
Lungs straining for breath
Holding in words that should be spoken
The pain becomes unbearable
As the darkness gathers around
The loneliness fills the soul
No one to talk to
No one to share a secret with
Senses die in the dark
Unaware of what is around
Smiles are nonexistent
Even with the good news of the secret
There is nothing but black
Someday the secret will be known
The smiles will come with the light
But for now it remains hidden in the dark
Not shared with loved ones
Just a secret waiting to be told
Let's live in a fairytale,
you can chase away the dragons,
who's smoke breathes to life,
the nightmares in my dreams.
I can be your Princess,
You can hold me in your arms,
Like a Knight in shinning armor,
And hush away my screams.
No more wasted time,
with smoke and mirrors,
You're not a Court Jester,
lets speak the truth.
Will you say a sweet goodbye,
Or will you not shed a tear from your eye,
There's a dagger in my heart,
The icy pain is all I need for proof.
Diamond teardrops from my eyes,
Hurry dear, they say you must be quick,
To capture each before they dry,
The tears of when a Gypsy cries.
Are you, nothing more than a collector,
Do I hold no beauty in beggers clothes,
Lets face reality my love, you are no knight,
And neither a Prince if truth is to be told.
And I am no Princess,
Did I once have you fooled?
Though once we lived as such,
Our love has ever cooled.
Must I break through,
Past the freezing layers of your heart,
To see if the thought still pains you,
Of us being forever apart?
I must open my eyes,
And live in the truth,
That dragons do not exist,
And are just fiction of the soused.
You will not ever save me,
from their tongues of flame,
But burn me with your own,
And make me feel my shame.
You will not shield me,
from poisened arrows that fall,
but with the anger in your eyes,
I'll feel as if they've broken through the castle walls.
I was once, the Juliet,
That led you to your death,
Venom rampent through your veins,
Revenge seems to be your quest.
At each word you say,
It feels as though I'll die,
My heart breaks and shatters,
And you show no concern of why.
And yet at night you pull me close,
Whispering sweet nectar to me,
That makes me wonder,
Must we still live in their reality?
Is there hope left for our fairytale,
To have a happy end?
Love like a fairytale, or Harsh Reality,
No time left to pretend, I must know the end.
Crawled across my skin
Gouging out new scars
With it's claws of regret
And leaving fresh gaping wounds
Where the sharp teeth of despair
Sought to gnaw their way down
Into the very marrow of my bones
Truely I do
You forget dear friend,
I am in fact like you.
I was once afraid,
and if truth must be told,
I continue to be afraid,
even as my Darling and I grow old.
We each have our own hopes,
and with each soul comes individual dreams.
To find someone who is compatable is a terrifying thing.
But no life is a waste, no presence is less than the other,
your co-ed was wrong, as was my mother.
I understand your fear,
I once drowned in it myself,
running away, pushing away help.
I wanted to be touched,
I wanted to be loved,
but It was like a fire,
so beautiful I was afriad I would burn.
You must swallow your fear,
wade into the water,
once you find your own Dear,
you will calm and know that there is no other.
It wont come at first,
its a gradual thing,
but when you feel that tug on your heart,
do not cut the strings.
You dont just hurt yourself,
you hurt those that care,
the ones that dream, to be in your air.
Open your heart,
and be not afraid,
soon it will come and you will rejoyce in the day.
Everyone thinks they can relate to me
but nobody really understands,
they lie just so you feels as if your not the only one with problems.
the only people that feel as if you do
are the ones that have experienced
what you have.
have you ever felt suicide flowing
through your veins?
or the sickness thats in your blood
it just drips out of your scars
and spreads to your fellow friends.
have you ever had a kiss of venom
from someone you cant have?
or the touch of someone who wants you
so much that they have killed
your heart all together.
not understanding yourself so you
go to your friends to council you,
then you just close your eyes
and forget all your feelings?
did you ever hold your tears in so hard
that your eyes start to burn?
or make out as if your smiles are
it is easier than answering everyones
questions over and over.
what about when you see your desire
and your hands start to tremble and
tears fall like nothing before?
you try to imagine what life is like
but when you start it kills you
your hell is my heaven
but im just an illusion of your god
and a prediction of the devil.
have you looked so hard that the star
has burnt a symbol in you?
no one cares about your life just whats
the talk can lead your head to desicions
you dont want to make.
but like you make your own thoughts
and everyone disagrees anyway.
if i could stop everyone
for just a second or a half
i would hate it to tell the truth
but for me to stop my own life
would be a pleasure.
they say listen to your heart but for me
its too late,
because my heart has already stopped.
If ever beckoned by the broken glass
I offer instantly these scarred hands
Embracing sharpest, cruel edges,
most exquisite lines
upon piercing, jagged, penetrating points
brilliant with dancing sunlight
poured out into a universe benign, hard surfaces
warm in crimson puddles of all I was
And know then –
Broken glass does not love back.
Primal, basal, beyond my awareness
How could I have been so careless
I let the line between real and fantasy
Become clouded through my jealousy
The fire rose, consumed, burned away
And left the ashes in its wake
I still search for just one burning ember
To reawaken feelings of forever
But destruction is all around
I fall to my knees, hit the ground
Can you hear me scream?
Blatant, cold, and calculating
Every part of this wrapped up in hating
The one who did this thing to me
Imprisoned when I was set free
The water rises, to wash away
All the promises we once made
If still one ember ever burned
It burns no more, lesson learned
Still destruction is all around
And I can’t lift myself from off the ground
Can you see me cry?
Detached, impartial, contemplating
Why am I here, why am I waiting
Just what am I waiting for
A broken window, an open door
A key to tell me who I am
So I can learn to live again
Without the fear, without regret
To bring back balance and pay the debt
To clear debris from hallowed ground
Unchained, but broken, I am bound
Can you feel my battle?
By committing to nothing, one retains infinite options.
I have hid inside these words for moons and seasons and New Year’s toasts.
The lone wolf roams fertile pastures unfettered.
The thrill of the hunt.
An empty bed is the hope of a new body’s sleeping curve.
Tomorrow becomes yesterday.
“The mystery of mysteries is the gateway to marvels.”
I stopped looking long ago.
The faces have blurred into a montage of emptiness.
Come and go; came and went.
I never bothered much to be bothered.
There aren’t many memories
And I am thankful for that.
Wet fingers and licked lips’
Blood on my hands.
The years run on like a favorite sitcom gone bad.
It all should have been retired years ago.
It is easier to stay afloat and roam the big waters alone
Than set up camp on an island and face a face.
Freedom is all that you cannot commit to
And who surrenders to nothing is he who lives in frigid shadows of fear.
Maybe I have never truly known warmth.
I walk the streets like a war-worn shoulder.
A little cold, a little distant, a little too silent.
The words I have are recycled fragments of someone else’s life.
I don’t offer much.
Can you read my concrete stare?
I have an entire universe hiding in my back pocket
But I’m scared to show you.
It’s been so long since I groped or even fondled my own life.
I’m not sure what I do or don’t have to offer.
I just keep making bets and upping the ante.
Finger in the hole in the dike
Holding back vast volumes
Of raging emotions
Surely to sweep me away
I try some comforting
Favored music from my past
Grab a book
To distract my fear
Linger in the Black Hole
Reach out to memories
Sweet and sour
I pass another hour
Only the peace of sleep
And ultimately death
Will bring craved relief.
i’m tired of being nice
of smiling and shaking hands
and clapping people on the back
my patience is wearing thin
i’m sitting at the kitchen table
lightening a another cigarette
my second pack today
watching the moon
fall below the hedge
and the stars making promises
they can’t keep
the silence is not my friend
tick tock bloody clock
my head postulates
anayalis and critictise
all the mundane lies
nobody cares about
thinking really is a fools game
taking you down strange lanes
with no warning signs
to say turn back you have gone to far
everyday i see people who never ask how or why
who just exist to be happy and free
and live peacefully in the vaacum of their being
i wish tonight that is me
Caught up in this circle sphere of integration; I swoon
as the feeling of worthlessness overwhelms me.
Nothing seems to remedy as this depression lulls me
into its claws of wretchedness.
Sweet and salty smiles that slink into your mind
seems to melt the drowning feeling of despondency.
Still there is the burning bubbling vibes of insanity that circumvents any relief.
I meander through this maze called world,
seeing darkness everywhere, even in the
bright desert light, my soul ripped by doubt
and fear, and utter loneliness, only slaved
by a sudden wave of love, or a flicker of hope.
I catch myself smiling, when I realize it’s all a dream…
A tear wells in my eye, and then the tear turns to a stream…
I sleep a lot because where I sleep you are still real…
It’s something to hold on to… Something no one can steal…
I find myself talking to your ghost in the brisk, winter night…
I run frantically from my lies… I run until I’m out of sight…
I’m a hollow, empty shell; aimless and alone...
I beg for forgiveness, things to which I can't atone…
I know I'm on my own now and there's nothing I can do...
Just remember I was once here, and that I'll always love you...
With shadows in the dark,
Facing atrocities of the cold,
Yet drenched in the sweat,
I walk down the street
Am bound to follow what others passed by,
Crime it is as if else I try,
Tears follow the path of my cheek,
And it’s the only way my eyes speak,
Lips of mine when turn dry.
I smile I really try to,
To be happy as if I was made to,
I speak of something I don’t know
But there’s what my heart knows,
That’s what my eyes ponder,
And that’s what untold but true,
Yes I know,
Yes I do,
I am missing me in me,
Yes I know,
Yes I do,
I am missing being me……….
Today, I lie in the stillness of the night
Listening for you breathing
The silence hard to bear,
Without you here beside me
The emptiness, the loneliness
Is more than I can endure
I am but an empty shell,
Living, yet not alive,
It was you and you alone
That made me whole
But, tomorrow is another day
And although my future now is unclear,
Second by second
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
The memories we shared
Will make me stronger.
The mirror reflects, obliquely,
a peculiar yellow butterfly -- it flutters, flutters
the specks of black my beard is made of
on the breeze. A daffodil hangs down its treasure
and I spread shaving cream, in great white puffs,
shielding from the wind and rain its yellow
across my face. The nose protrudes, ridiculous
excrescence. A leaf half green sweeps up in circles
in the whiteness all around. A weak chin, think I,
of windy sighs. Squirrels crack acorns, crunching,
down into a patchy neck. Very unsatisfactory
remembering winter's almost famine. The trees --
appearance. Altogether so. Oh well.
Quiet. Steady. Sturdy. Oh well.
The mirror reflects, but not uniquely.
A truth in rage of insult furrows my mind
For it is only an offense given to me by myself
In the mouths of others far innocent than I
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
For I have surfaced into an ugly mistake
I am always inadequate in this brain
I try to shine like the advice of grace given
But confidence rarely rears its head my way
There’s a sort of shade blocking its way
A shade that darkens everyday
That very shade led me to believe my feelings are wrong
That I will never belong so long as they are not controlled
I must be careful—for the lines of love and lust run cold
I hate myself truly this night
And no one but myself will give me the right
The very right to degrade my every being
Because you are not seeing what I am seeing
There is no point
My lines run cold
Can I be so bold as to say
I still love with a pang of indistinguishable doubt
All feelings enter in
As my truth blurs and checks out
Your words pierce me so deep
I cannot describe the pain I feel
God it hurts so bad
It can’t be real
Much like the love I have come to embrace
The very love that links to your face
Tears don’t give it justice
It can’t be real
Much like the love I will never face
How beautiful our love was
In the springtime of our lives.
How tender was your touch—
Your fingers caressed my body
As softly as a willow’s leaves
Brush the waters of a still lake
In the wake of a soft breeze—
I felt each ripple spread
Outward over me,
Consuming me with
The pulse of your passion.
The vessel I use to contain these
Precious memories keeps longing
To return to our springtime,
Where time stood still and our hearts
To the outside world.
How cold this winter has become.
For Chris D. Aechtner's Free Verse for Winter Contest
Here I go again, focused on myself.
Thinking, endless thinking.
Suicides, death of grandmas, past loves.
Pining about passions and losses.
The condo I had to let go.
The jobs I left behind.
And the cemetery lots.
My mind wonders around in circles.
From darkness to darkness, city to city,
Job to job, decision to decision
My children, I embrace with love.
Those years riddled with joys and pains.
Trying, always trying,
Yet, still disappointed.
Clinging to religion, remembering God.
Then, the child in me curls up
Safe in my warm cocoon,
And I think of you in the next room.
Life made new, fear subdued.
The touch of your hand, my confidence renews.
That forever love so long wanted, found at last.
The pressures I once knew moved to the past.
To the outside world I say adieu.
I was lost in the hollow of myself.
Outside of myself, I found peace.
Memories blot out urban chaos
And focus on woodland happy days.
Struggles not so painful anymore.
Peace found its hope in you.
…And then, we spoon.
Copyright January 15, 2014
Written for Poetry Soup member contest: Contemporary Figurative Artiste Stephanie Deshpande in Contemporary Free Rhyme Free Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Cyndi MacMillan.
Inspired by Stephanie Deshpande’s portrait of a Sleeping Child http://www.stephaniedeshpande.com/porfolio/
The swordsman who draws his blade
Heart racing at the keening of steel on scabbard
Tension coiled, poised for the unleashing
Held back by muscles tight with glee.
I am as the soldier, held in stance,
The lioness crouched beneath the concealing grass
As it sways back and forth, as insects sing along the day
Her every breath is halted, her veins do not pulse,
And just as the swordsman stands
They are statues in this moment,
Statues of derision,
Mocking, with their stillness, the very charged tension within.
And I am as the lioness frozen before her pounce
Coiled with motivation and purpose,
And I am as the tongue held with words clinging off its’ edge
Ready to lash out and strike with direction
But I am as the frozen purpose, held tight
Waiting, for a warrior to stand before me
For a reason to uncoil, to lash out with words and pounce.
But I am now as the pen halting before the purest of paper
White and supple, in askance for the lightest touch
A slash of the tip, drawing lines in ink
Lines like a hunter’s bowstring, taut with intent,
As the pen lies frozen above its prey, the falcon petrified aloft still winds
I am the need coiled tight like a wound jack in the box
But alas, there is no victim to frighten,
No pray to pounce upon, no sword or bared neck to slash against
And I am here, with pen frozen, ink ready to be drawn taut
And I have nothing to draw in the ink, no prey or purpose to evoke
I am coiled tight with energy, but it is release that so eludes me,
I am coiled tight with purpose, but it is direction that so denies me.
And here I am, pouncing at ground before me,
Slicing away at the air around me
Scratching away with a dry pen, on paper still white in askance
I write about…
I write about the coil within, and the lack without
And alone I wonder,
Is it enough, is it enough to go on, a wound up box
Waiting for the slightest touch, the weakest parry, to live.
It begins with prayer
as I kneel
in my morning shower,
first thanking God
for all the blessings
He has given to me,
then I start
dear to me.
I think of you,
how much I love you,
and your needs,
I ask for strength and healing,
ask for forgiveness
if I have done anything
to hurt you
and tell God
how I need you.
It’s then that
the tears start to flow
as I let Him know
how very important
you are to me,
why I feel helpless many times
and am unable to help you.
As I try to speak,
my tears are coming down
like the water
in the shower,
soon I can’t even
see or speak.
All I am now
is a crying man,
wanting God to help me,
to help you, to heal you,
to show me how
to be your strong Knight,
instead of someone
just full of tears.
Even if He allows us to stay together
sometime in the future,
I know at times
I will be nothing
but a crying man.
Crying tears of Joy
when you are here,
crying tears of Woe
when you are not.
As you have been here recently
I am doing both right now
and love you too much
to ever stop completely.
My Lady Susan,
this Knight is forever yours
and will never leave your side…
may God continue
to have mercy on us both.
We seine them up
in pollen-stained hands,
briefly weight them,
balancing them in minds,
And like those before,
we toss them absently
winnowing maple seeds—
whirling them from us—
as we shape lives,
they seem to flit
pale night insects
infestations of night
on the liquid glass
of our tongues.
She walks silently through the mist.
The headstones reach out to grab her.
She searches for her grave.
No, it doesn't say Raven, not yet anyway,
But it does hold her heart and her soul.
Her child, small and helpless without a mother.
Her husband, alone, unable to be comforted in her arms.
She runs now, afraid she will never find it.
Finally she sees the marble monument,
She sits down on the grave.
Her fingers tracing the words,
Names etched in the hard stone for all eternity.
She struggles again with her decision.
Will others think her a coward or a hero?
Does it matter at all what they think?
At last, she makes her decision,
Tears stream down her face as she raises the pistol,
And sends it flying into the mist.
By Christi Kopp
For the Contest "Among the Dead"
Quiet and still now.
The swing occasionally catches the air.
The tire never moves.
There’s no one there to care.
The jungle gym beside it is played with by squirrels.
The sand box below holds creatures quiet and shy.
Tiny plastic men are lost in the sand deep below.
A metal car is with them, once favorite of them all.
Leaves stir in the clubhouse, with spiders in its loft.
My son hadn’t played with it for a long, long while.
But I hadn’t noticed while he was here running in the house.
And now when I see the Wooden Swing Set…
It’s connects with my empty heart.
A touch of Empty Nest Syndrome brought this poem to me.
She silently prays as she reaches for the chord
Wonder why the Iman didn't do this
I wanted paradise here and the quiet is deafening
Tick tock tick tock and her heart.......
She hasn't tried makeup as she keeps step to her thoughts
Outside of the mosque she awaits her destiny and strangers
They are mine enemy and thirteen hundred and eighty years
Young Mohammed and his brown eyes with smiles
Tick tock and the tick tock
When will that bell toll and the brown eyes that smile
The men get seven virgins and I am one
United States soldiers on patrol march by and the prayer
" Allah Akbar,"
She is torn and the mosque crumbles
A child screams as he holds a hand with no arm
And a car silently burns as people bleed
The mothers last thought is no pain and the hand
He fills me
Like a supermarket
Bubble gum dispenser
With black eyes
Give me a dime
Eye will give you
That will POP
Sitting on the easel of life
a portrait of a man
so much in love with that
to tempt the mood,
a need to caress his wanton spirit
when becoming a spent part of life’s toxic waste,
his need to step off the world
to escape its inhabitants
from choking him to death.
Yet somehow somewhere deep within
his sunken soul a desire,
to carve out a memorial in poetry
with words now strange to him,
but words they were of love
words of flowers, sunshine and simple things like that.
Yet his battle against his poison
was arduous and on the wane,
when suddenly amongst a throng of internet poets
an angel appeared,
one to care, when magically she began
to chase away the need,
when painting a different picture of the world
one he once knew when that he was of a child,
one he needed to be able to reach out to,
When across virtual reality many words of love, tenderness
sincerity, words of understanding and purpose.
Yet with an abruptness she gave him a choice
“Lie down my friend” She said “Defeated and die”
Or rise everyday with the perpetual sunrise and live,
give something of yourself, anything to help those
going down the same road, your road to despair,
you can build on that, with your love your understanding
and with it your body your mind your soul will be cleansed!
Soft hair blows across her face.
A sheen on excited skin emanates.
Bottomless eyes reflect attraction.
Immeasureable beauty pulls his attentions.
No equal can be found in any race.
Rowdy laughter never showed such grace.
No attempt to veil love's
drunkenness passes between them.
Childlike innocence is reborn.
Bonds of affection grow with each word.
Distance does not diminish emotional ties.
Smiles cannot be beaten from the faces of lovers.
And yet loneliness creeps behind her.
Parting lets in the pain and emptiness.
She must caress herself to sleep.
He does not lie beside her in the morning.
The memories of his kind voice ring
throughout her scattered thoughts.
When will this illicit love be sanctified?
Recognized by official decree?
Will God grant union to wayward love?
When words don't help
Knit and purl the agony out
Your hands will learn how
Inspired by Ann Hood's book "The Knitting Circle" (one of the saddest books I have ever read)
Cries for help went awry ,
anguish and pain went in vain
lost battle of life before a coward.
Groping and forcing on a girl does not
make a man strong just proves that he is a beast,
and unfit to be among people.
Taking away a girl's modesty
is not a most heroic act
but a heinous crime which
even ferocious beast would not have.
Curse the moment when these
sick are born with lust all the time.
Even girls are afraid to
be mothers,raise kids like these.
The power of a man lies in character
and heart but not in sexual supremacy or desires.
(Dedicated to Nirbhaya,who was brutally raped and died fighting for her life.And all those who have been victims.Let's raise our standards and respect women everywhere ,without her there is no world.)
If you were not going to
Love me in the morning,
You should have crept away
Into the moonlight,
You should have left
Before the daylight
Burst into the bedroom
With sparkling hope
You should not have stayed
Laughing in my kitchen
Drinking from my plastic mug
Acting as If
You were going to throw
Your painted mask
Into the fire
You should have
Like an echo into a canyon
Like a name on the tip of a tongue
Like a dream almost recalled --
The only clue that you were here
An indentation in my sheets
I could have smoothed away
Instead of This
This pretense of love
Of old lovers on
An ordinary day,
When you won’t even
Look me in the eye --
If there is no hope
Of a you and me, an “us”
Then please just LEAVE
I fiercely prefer
The fleeting memory
The voices grow louder,
Intensifying with emotion, anger lining every aggressive word.
My insides squeeze tighter as the vitriol poisons my mind,
How does such hostility exist?
As the sound of hatred deepens,
The feelings strengthen their grip, like a vice,
So tight, I can no longer breathe
All the negative emotions I have ever felt, fill me,
Threatening to overflow.
So long have they been banished…
Enough. No more!
My mouth opens,
An earsplitting scream of pain and suffering shatters the silence,
Sobs of sorrow and grief wrack my body,
Murderous shrieks of anger and hate,
Wretched cries of self-pity and self-loathing,
Poison the air.
Now, free of these emotions.
But the monster still exists
Within the dark depths of my mind.
In those younger years
I made a friend of the sun
And allowed her to bathe me
In brown creamy skin
In those younger years
I ran across a beach
And played with the sun
Let her sprinkle freckles
Upon my healthy golden cheeks
In those younger years
I had my way
With the sun
Took her in so many
Under the burn of her sultry touch
In those younger years
I traveled to exotic climes
Just to enter my sunshine heaven
And soak up her glow
But the cave I now inhabit
Shuts out all the warming rays
The cave in which I hide
Repels all her sunny ways
The cave I made from earth and
Never lets her kiss within
The cave I excavated
Collapses upon my daily sins
In those younger years
I once loved the sun
Well there you are
I have slithered into the wrong home tonight it seems
I sniffed out the repugnant ward and I don’t like what I see
You were magnificent in the face of all beholding you
But your conceit is a trap that even I, the snake, have fallen into
You mask yourself with humility
You compliment me to gain
Begging for the summer rain
Begging for the words that would settle your brain
You got it
But instead it rained on me
Showering me with dangling promises
As typical as can be
These words so execrably wasted on you
As if for a moment I could even dare CRAVE a poem for you
I do not hate you
I cannot love you
At times I do not know what to feel
Why do you do this?
Put on a show and hope someone will notice?
Do you want a nice pat on the back?
I am armless; I am all but muscle and scales
I am a dead carcass and yet you continue to compliment
The beauty of my revulsion
I hold it to my heart
This trap you set
I helped you set it right from the start
And you have forced upon me the mere THOUGHT of you
Taking away from my bitter lines
What empty necessity I have turned out to be
Some kind of trophy coiled around your feet
Walking all over me
I’ve hissed and I’ve hurled insult
And the rain pitter-pattered my distain
You rested knowing I would remain
You needed reassurance
You always needed GAIN
Well I’ll tell you
This serpent is drained
And oh how I hiss
I will not change into that typical mistress
That settles your conscience with a kiss
You will not have me
I will never kiss those lips
For you are as fake as can be
And not even a snake like me
Will help you in the deceiving
As everyone watches your show
The only one truly believing
Don’t hesitate out the door
I’ll swallow you whole
backside, front slide
whatever celtic profile
drips into the moon's pool
shawls twirl of mirrors unbidden
phrases and alphabets of waters wander
collapsing around the waist of marbles unturned
shelter me with a thousand
embraces from the moon's blankets
the wind torments me with granite whistles
when mother dusk wails for morsels of biblical mercy
this decadent night crawls with exiled breaths. i breathe.
How can one express the baffling depths of obscurity?
How can one behold to open the shafts of the mind?
I have never been able to solve the mystery—
Of myself. . .
I wish at times that my life was no more
That I could live as another and finally see things right
But I am always stuck in this darkness
And I cannot see this mind in light
There are beasts. . .demons prowling through the wasteland
Searching for any remaining life
And if they are ever found—
They are doomed and consumed
Fear is their downfall and they never fail to smell it
Their ashes remain, dancing with the imaginary breeze
It is silent here—there are no answers
I wish there were answers. . .
But maybe there was never a reason
No answers. . .
Talons extend and clench around my heart
They will never seek me out—they left me here
It is like they knew…I had no reason—that was the answer
I feel the pulse of my dangling life
Alone in the dark, whimpering like a child
I have scared myself, becoming this dragon-daggered youth
No balm in Gilead!
No eyes to see
All I know will never be free
I don’t need anyone!
You are a disgrace—scum of the waste!
You have everything, you ungrateful little nothing
You are a joke. . .
So swallow it all up like the pushover you are
Stand your lowest and trudge right through
No questions. No answers. Just . You.
Or just lie back down into the mush of disease
It has already infected you to the core
Accept who you are, you ugly pestilence!
I hate you
Who are you to be glorified?
Dream snatcher. . .murderer of all things bright
Saturated in what you call light
I see right through—even as the reflections shatter
All of the dead kept you alive—they all matter…
But alive you are the worst there is
False savior—edited attention whore
I never want to see your face again
See, that’s why I hide. . .
Desperation. . .desperation. . .
I sob and cry kneeling in defeat
For once I am right. . .I am right
Apprehensive and panic-stricken
I practice assuming the crash position .
While a “ fasten seatbelt” sign flashes
like a beacon, foretelling our demise,
cool beads of sweat form on my forehead.
A paralyzing anxiety washes over me.
My knuckles are chalk white as
my hands grip the armrests.
I try to swallow but my throat is dry as dust.
I frantically push the bell to summon an attendant.
I need water…..anything!
She appears looking concerned
and I’m impressed how calm she remains
in such a dire situation.
My knees tremble as I once again
examine my seat, ready,
should I need it as a flotation device.
Feeling uncontrollably trapped,
my chest tightens, my lungs scream for oxygen.
Suddenly the plane lurches, the engines roar,
Oblivious to those around me,
terror has me tight in her grasp.
A pounding headache
tortures my disconnected thoughts.
A sudden wave of imminent diaster engulfs me.
Assuming the worst,
I close my eyes and pray for a miracle.
In response, comes the ominous announcement,
"Ladies and gentlemen,
we will be taxiing to the runway momentarily,
we apologize for the delay.’’
Time comes and goes
People pass by and fly
We have only memories left
But we remember the sad ones
And easily forget the happy ones
We live in regrets
Saying... what if?
We live in fear
Saying... what will?
We have lost our humanity
We live in the past
Forgetting the present
As if there is only the past tense
We live in memories
Forgetting the future
As if there is no future
We love to brag about our ancestors
But what have we done now?
We all are losing ourselves
We think we are fighting for a cause
But that cause is only our greed
We think we are building the future
But we are destroying the future
We are losing our humanity
And there is little left of it...
It is time to stop the war
And move along with peace
Nations send armies to others
Saying:"We've come to civilize you"
According to the dictionary
Civilize is defined as conqueror
Send not armies! Send food and medical supplies!
Why do you come in the name of peace?!
If you only bring with you destruction!
What is happening to Afghanistan?
Why do you send guns instead of pills!?!
Or is the Vito more important than lives?
I am not from Europe, I am not from America
and I am NOT from the Middle East...
I do not know such things...
I am from Earth, regard of my nation
Nations are only names, we are all one
We are connected; we live on the same planet!
Why does one want to kill his brother?
IS IT FUN? WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE TRY IT?
I do not want to lose my humanity
Knowing that little is left in this world
This world can yet be fixed...
And it starts with two words: Love and equality
And it starts with one road: kill the Vito
Cause if it was a man, I would've killed it for the best
You think Hitler is gone?! Well now there is a stronger one
Look at Jerusalem! Hitler wouldn't dare do such things!
Why do we keep looking at the past?!
Forgetting what now is happening!
If the same ones who were massacred by Hitler
Are the same ones doing worse to Arabs?!
Why do we spend billions on weapons?
Instead of spending them on science?
Or at least save other nations from starvation
Why are we better than the Africans?
We have the same God! Or is it because of their color?
I just wish to ask one question to every human being...
WHAT WILL YOU SAY WHEN YOU STAND BEFORE GOD?
A tribute to all nations and hope all be safe :)
Beautiful, burnished, brilliant
Yet, my ink friendly inclinations produce a chemical discrepancy
And now, you come – Artist
Scratching, on my polished mental plate
Do not blacken me with your fumigating candle
Do not soak me in your acidic bath
Yet, here you are, sketching to leave your design
Ever so lightly, you etch, carefully, penetrating
Acid soaks into your carefully drawn lines
The depth of your influence is varied
Teasing a relief by removing your blackened wax
Only to soak me in your iniquitous ink
Here, I must bring it an end. I must stop you - Artist
I must cleanse my mental plate
Chasten long and purposed for that original surface
Until a polished steel-plated revelation
Yes, there, beautiful, burnished, brilliant…perfect, if not for
Your Latin radere
The etchings of your needle
The stain of your ink in my serrations
My effort seems wasted
The vestiges of your ink tainting all that I touch
Now, everything has your art
Like wetted paper onto my mental plate
...Apologies to Heraclitus and W. H. Auden...
We, defeated by the merest things,
in defeat, endure...for now.
No abiding truth in "faith":
origins and destinations
we cannot differentiate,
all random, unguided
by any prescient power;
but, not illogical (there is no illogic.)
We impose all "universal order,"
influence what subsequently occurs,
to learn, or not, through endless repetition,
endless failure...and we are
but a current iteration,
here for now -- like all,
in constant flux,
defeated by the merest things.
Courage and nobility derived
from continued confrontation,
continued endless struggle,
let us "show an affirming flame."
He never had the luck
nor the down of an evanescent duck,
in this world where the dice is thrown
just another gamble which side of the track.
In his mission statement, he declares
is my love wasted?
A love never returned
yet oh so tired of giving,
in this his life down half way lane
where constantly with love he finds a “Cul de Sac”
his groundhog day,
oh where the embarrassment is just too much.
So life you’re a b*t*h
casting each day unjust spells this condescending witch,
on the net he tried oh God for years, tried
to workout the plot
but i’m no porno star, he says
well hung i am, not.
So to you, my fair lady, keep your glow on
I’m looking forward to this our first date,
although history reveals, i’ll come across like a fly in your soup
restricted there, where i cannot swim,
hoping it will not be a disaster,
just, another plunge into love
what is your name, i declare my ignorance
Fate she says, and i am aware of your plight
there is some one for every one
i am here to guide your way into love!
© Harry J Horsman 2013
I had a dream
Where all my clothes
Were in my toilet bowl
Apparently this means that
I am drenched in emotions
Which need to be released
So I wrote
For one moment I thought
Moons stars and kingdoms,
Humbly yielded to the spell of your tongue;
For I would never miss such an honour
When my heart still dies in front.
From the gravest yard in my groans,
In those rainy eyes of autumn,
You stole into the fragrance of my desert red bloom;
Despite the venom in my features,
You killed the old beast in my gloom.
For one moment I thought
Flowers, bees, and dew drops
Had never been bleeding forever;
The honey have they made
Fell us in love like a feather.
For one moment I thought
We stumbl’d upon each other.
My love for you, is like a tender blossom
awakening to the kiss of the sun.
My love is a moth venturing into the dark of the night
My love for you, is like a virgin bride
awaiting the tentative call of her groom.
My love is a sticky web spun swiftly by a black widow
My love for you, is like a little brook
trickling along its merry way.
My love, a cotton-mouth twirling seductively in the mating jig
Your love for me is drowning in the fumes of pure desire
A single folly only i will ever dare to remember
Mine is like the burning flame atop Mount Olympia
Dying, like the glowing embers of sinful Gomorrah
My love for you is rekindled by the supple lips
borne hither on the breath of your Zephyr
My love has sailed like a lost vessel in unchartered waters
My passion like a phoenix will rise from the ashes
your disdain the anchor on its glory
It is a fallen tree, the crimson core of my fading essence.
You called me friend
I'm left to wonder what that means
As I watch
Watch you walk away
What was the purpose
Of all the things we said
I shared my secrets with you
You called me friend
How we met
How happy I was
You called me friend
It seemed so real
So now why does it feel
Like it was all a game of pretend
You have joined the parade
Of the ones who promised
Told me they'd be there
They each removed a thread
Now this old heart is bare
You called me friend
Why I ask
Must this friendship end
In the end
I can't control you
Aquaintances are many
Friends are too few
So as you go
I believed you
You called me friend
She's got words on her arms
In the language of a broken heart
And they say
They say I wanna be loved
But I don't know how
I wanna dream
Haven't done it in a while
I wanna smile
Won't somebody give me
Author's note: This is a poem about a close friend of mine. The "words on her arms" are an analogy, for well, cuts. She wouldn't talk to me much at the time, but I saw them and that was all that really needed to be said, since she knew she couldn't fool me. Anyway, that was the inspiration for this.
She is doing much better now, by the way, in case anyone was concerned...
Purple flowers of my
Gone now - gone forever
Outside my window
young girls play hopscotch
Taxis whizz by
Young lovers embrace
Getting lost in the humming metoroplis
is a good way to eliminate angst
The biblical three score and ten years
is not that felxible
Purple flowers of my adolescense
Gone now - gone foerver
Still I see images of them at times
in the eyes of certain strangers
On Independence Day
I declare independence
from American imperialism.
I declare U.S. out of Iraq.
And while I am at it
the C.I.A. out of the business
of supplying murderous thugs
with rifles and uniforms
along with the strategies
democracy in Haiti.
I also call for the pullout
of State Department funding
in the not so secret
of the fair and duly elected
President of Venezuela.
On Independence Day
I have the right to say
we need a new policy.
Therefore, I call
for independence from oil.
I call for windmills
and solar panels
and cool looking hybrid cars
getting 100 miles to the gallon.
I am tired of chanting
No Blood For Oil.
On Independence Day
I look to a nation
involved in war for war's sake
war to simulate the economy
and make our leaders look great
and call for a different fate.
I declare our politicians
give up corporate sponsorship
and live up to this great nation's
propaganda and torture.
on sovereign nations.
I declare transcendence.
I declare we live up to
life, liberty and the pursuit
for all humanity.
I declare world independence
from monarchies, theocracies
and otherwise puppet regimes.
And I declare we all share these
Including the right to assemble
organize and form unions.
Protect the health
of our elders
newborns and the environment.
And I refuse those who would
the same rights as whites
by suppressing their vote
with twelve hour lines
in the blistering cold.
Let us all have our say!
And while I am at it
give the poor a megaphone
on mainstream talk shows
let their voices be heard
in the court of public opinion.
I declare freedom from
billionaire owned media
Let independent democracy
infiltrating the television.
Thus let us all speak our truth
and be protected
from the tyrannical majority
and those empowered by the muzzle.
I declare that our forefathers
envisioned this and much more
in the age of enlightenment.
So that one day
every one of us
on this magnificent planet
regardless of class or culture
national and religious origin
sexual persuasion or gender
would be endowed and empowered
by an independent
human rights agenda.
` ` `
on fire …
with a silken face bouncing gently
in the bath of combed sunlight, her eyes open
like a newborn rose sprinkled by drips
of honeyed laughter; the sheer mist floats
into a world where robins wing around her feet,
as if to chase a meadow filled with morning
coffee scent… and she feels the natural brightness
of people humming violin tunes inside her head;
how she loves with arms knitting tender flames ,
a slow fire in the rush of breaths flowing in cool
breeze: lungs floating in and out between
the piety of her bones…she rambles along
greeting everyone she meets with a soft smile.
in a sudden shift, froth of darkness strikes the light,
her teeth chilled; pinched by the dusk of
terror screaming on walls and breaking
each glass that cuts the inside of her mouth;
her face spitting out violet eyes of evil
in a public lash of ten or more whips,
mocking all the way down to the marrow…
a glacier of rage disconnects her from some
sense of reason: the raw edge of coldness
runs at every turn, panting, cursing, and cutting
sliced words all at same time, as though
her frigid heart drowns in Celsius fog
fire on ice…
she taste the tears of both wrath and liberation,
flowing down the sunken river in a hazy blur;
until she hears a voice,” rock –a-bye, baby girl”
silencing herself, unaware of her twin lives,
for her eyes cannot see the difference
between another time, another place
where elements of fire and ice cannot blend.
. ….. ..
for Yasmin Khan’s Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
I lose my self in thought only to surrender myself yet again to you
The irony bites my soul and still I don't know what to feel
You leave and I die inside I miss you
If only things could have been a little different yet it is what it is
I can still feel your lips on my neck, your scent fulfilling my hearts glee
Where as you go on as if I never existed it hurts to know I meant nothing to you
I pause to the sun and question His will of me
He brings joy into my life only to take it when I find the affection drawn by my heart
I miss you.
Pentagram house of worshipers
Voices of chants Echoes
Red skins in lust
Boiling in passion
Black in shadows
Naked in bodies
Dirt in pearls
As Sky folded earth
Black and white
Pure and clear
Groans and screams
Passions of the devils and gods ….
Daughters of humanity
Invoke upon god and goddess
Demand peaceful life and wipe your misery
Heavenly cloth yet dark phantoms
Hypocrites in religious
People of Righteousness..
Open the door enter grey area
Deceive and filth using norms as their shield
Call a priest and dance as beast
In a circles of cell block
Clown choirs Sing a fantasy music
Title Goodness in disguise
Doubt of what?
Awake and rise
Pure as crystal
Hesitation is a dark energy
For us are unique
Jewels’ of existence Theist or atheist!
Aroused by denial,
Disturbing thoughts prevail,
Sharpened words uncover
The mask in place.
Extreme emotions hover,
Seen in your face.
Venom grows inside,
Feeding the fire,
Where poison resides,
In the skeptic’s lair
I am the environmentalist in love with wine,
my shoulders carry and reside in the cutting edge side of life,
the establishment craves to be the human race
while I stroll the memories of “Sailor fields”
amongst ancient Jurassic stone.
Is this! The only way for me?
My saline tears run freely now a days,
it’s time that governs one’s sentiment,
no doubt the plague of waiting relates to this.
What! Of the future,
hey , i want to forget about futuristic wars,
may be the media are in gross error of judgment?
I’m told I’m only a little man, at last now I know why I’m the
one that society chastises every day,
Why this mortal flame in constant combat becomes
life’s tomb stone around my neck.
To feel freedom, another swig so my lacklustre eyes again become stimulated
as the view overcomes my immobility and bids farewell, to the great lady
that glides portly on the outgoing tide.
Curse this elemental wind
that curls in from the east,
“Mother” i cry
“Is this the clarity of our beginning.” the start of all this crap,
as astringent thoughts flow through my urban bucolic mind,
seeing or feeling nothing of the moment, only a repeat of the actions of many insensitive men,
those that flourish, those that sentiment cannot stain those that walk tallest amongst men;
because they were hungry for appurtenance.
I remember well , in the far off lea of my mind,
down on the farm thousands of miles away across the Pacific,
where enamel clashed against concrete
there , where foolhardy dreams were dashed,.
when the heart pursued
the warm flesh , she that gave her
reflection to the swan song
of an innocence.
Alas should one be compelled to expire
as one would, a chardonnay basking in the hot sunshine?
Should one fall foul of a politically correct society
that , outside of one’s comfort zone,
because one feels , want , in choleric veins?
Even the sullen white cross, dotted upon the highways
become burning embers, a constant reminiscence,
an emotional monument to many inhibited memories.
Yet I beg this deportment shows me a realization,
that death is imminent,
so why this perpetual waiting, this constant urge,
for this vein dependency to be infringed upon ???
Alcoholism & Drugs
Harry J Horsman 2012
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn
and made anew
Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live
And never touch the sky.
I have to forget you
I have to reject you
But I will never love anyone
like I loved you.....
I heard you whisper
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes
But you couldn’t feel it
You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT.
I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will.
Be my dirty little secret
My very worst-kept secret
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison
My infernal and endless attraction
towards complete and utter self-destruction
I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....
my dream never to come true
Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget
how you were never there
Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?
I have to face the facts
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you.
The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to.
I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely
It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me
You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
Memories tumble through my mind, some, missing for a while.
I try to fill in the blanks. Others, I sweep into the corners.
You know, the ones that are easier forgotten.
Tumbleweeds...my memories have become tumbleweeds.
I take snapshots of the cherished ones, giving them a home
before they blow away in the savage wind.
"Did I tell you my mom liked to dance?"
"Yes", I remember.
I hear the music, her long hair bouncing with each step.
She doesn't dance anymore.
Moments gone...memories fleeting.
"Did I tell you my dad played drums?"
"Yes", I remember.
I hear rat-a-tat-tat in my head.
I used to sing at the top of my lungs while he played.
He never seemed to mind my shrill, little girl voice.
I miss him, I miss his drums. Music is not the same.
I close my eyes and another memory blows through spaces.
My brother is racing his bike down the street FAST.
He is about ten, all legs in his shorts.
"Where are you going?" I call after him, too late.
He is gone and I wonder if he was ever here.
Some do go astray I remind myself.
Missing memories...missing love.
"Wait, come back", I yell. I'm still here.
Ruminating, I ask myself if we ever know the ones we love.
No, not really. I remember.
Frantic, I reach for the tumbleweeds.
I reach for my two earthly fathers who are long gone...
I see them. Then, they blow away, missing again.
I chase them futilely. The savage wind still blows.
Across grains of desert sand, I will never know why.
Tumbleweeds...my memories have become tumbleweeds.
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
March 2, 2012
Second Place in Chris Aechtner's Let the Masks Fall Contest
The third millennium of what?
Man is lame
clearly lost the will to walk,
no longer able to reason.
His fingers cast hope
upon the keyboard,
his mind creates
trends upon the screen,
he inflicts pain, a global sadomasochist
he sees others in his historical
He plants his seed
most upon stony ground,
he offers peace
a twisted excuse
to deliver his belief,
he’s losing God!
He thinks he’s superior,
he’s lost the ability of simplicity,
whilst delving in ideology
akin to profit.
Harry Horsman for Michael J Falotico contest
What brought you to poetry.
First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song. These
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache.
Watching the smoke curl between his fingertips, he wonders. Is it his body that’s on
fire or his soul? Physically he feels fine yet he sees the flames, inside the pain is
excruciating yet, not a scratch to be seen. Isn’t that a thought though, not a scratch to
be seen on his soul. Why is it that the scratches and cuts that do the most damage are
the ones you can never see? How can that much pain not leave a visible mark? How
much pain can the soul take before it turns into the story of humpty dumpty, never to
be put back together again? Isn’t it funny how you can forget your dying, when you
have died inside?
First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song. These
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache.
To stand ever resolute
Amongst perpetual ambiguity
That slowly expends me
When I am not vigilant
If I have firmly decided
To walk that razors edge
Where the vile assail me
Allow me the shield
Of His name
Where I will ever feel
Sodden dripped of midnight words
A slurred plight
Perhaps of tonight
Broken in the sobering dawn
In this smoky staleness
We meet in false courage
Eluding the touch
The tenderness we cry for
Those frangible lovers
Behind bloodshot eyes
Masking the obvious veracity
Of a single hope
A love repressed in the stupor
Of alcoholic comfort
Ever silently aching
In deadpanned hearts…
a hallway. offices. tinted sunlight.
people who have forgotten my name.
but i am here.
and then a room. and a meeting.
and i am unprepared.
“you’re up” says the leader.
and my lungs fill with heaviness as they all turn towards me.
my mind screams.
my throat locks.
and then a word fights through the scream.
and i breathe. and find a voice.
and then another word.
and a thought.
i am moving.
and eyes do not wander.
but the scream fights on:
they will find out.
i was connected at one time.
so the scream would fade.
but not now.
these many years later.
“we could use you again,”
he had said.
and i had relented.
but why? boredom? faith?
the scream of fear vs. the scream of isolation?
or a familiar voice dragging me back from madness.
“what have you been up to?”
he had asked.
and i had lied.
and now my mind all scrambled between work and stupor.
“what on EARTH are you talking about?!”
demands the one who should have taken over for me.
and the throat locks again.
and the scream rises up.
and he knows it.
but sympathy has no place here.
so i struggle with the scream.
and find the words to hide the Fraud
as he shakes his head in disgust.
and i remember why i left.
so i wade in the scream until i am done and take my seat.
and the scream that never dies whispers, “what else is there?”
As your mind collects the memories of yesterday
Epiphanies tie into knotty strings of realization
That very moment. . .
You merely exist
Back then. . .those smiles
Those. . .distant laughs
Some you remember by name
Gone now maybe
Like the exhalation of the wind
Others dispersed in the world of arbitrary happening
Like leaves from falling, man-made trees
There is no doubt that they have
Activate the bomb
Ignite the fuse
And you’re on next year’s history book
But drained of all remaining good
That smile you gave
The warm embrace so long ago
Salt-coated with piles of rubbish
Over last remaining mental spurts of comfort
Evil, evil, evil, evil, EVIL. . .
Always absorbed and remembered
. . .though never forgiven. . .
All good and gracious sentiments
Packed up in a box set nonchalantly in Downstair’s storage
. . .that chair with the broken leg in the corner of the room
That mangled cobweb holding a dangling, lifeless spider
A drowned sailor’s hat drifting through the current of the ocean
The single tear from a soldier’s vigilant, memory-stricken eye
The frustrating thoughts of a mute
The unchanged. . .HATED deformations
Forgotten you. . .
One soul brings to light weary, unthought-of happenings
Wedged deep into what she can only imagine
With not even a hint of understanding
. . .of the pain. . . .of the bewildering distortions
Of the ugly. . .
One soul merely vomits sickly verse after verse
As humanity embraces its downfall
The poet hangs onto her unjustifiable, forgotten. . .
All regrets, in every backward flashback
leave bitter tastes like remorseful morsels
left drowning in your tear welled eyes
each day was longer and lower
lower and loathing
exposed naked in clothing
open and empty without your
All regrets, in every backward flashback
chisel names on tombstone with unforgivable clarity
leaving unbearable burials beneath these wretched feet
reincarnated daily sleighing me repeatedly with growing fervor
fervor and hate
filthy face washed over in angst
closed off from safety and salvation without your
All regrets, in every backward flashback
grimacing sneers returned in mirrors like evil staring contests
every showdown lost in landslide fashion, reflection laughing
devoured each hour as they slip by consuming
consuming and draining
worlds worth of words and deeds beyond explaining
I'm only half as good and partially whole without your
Inspired by Mr. Michael Jordan's "Untwisted" contest
What counts as a cry
Is it screaming yelling
Or just a tear in one eye
Memories recall a day gone by
Principles and traditions record
Something small but small things
add up. The moment comes
when we count the stuff.
And were captured by emotions
And the present makes connection
in our lives
When we notice the price
that was paid
To see the precious thing
that one gave
To hear the tale
Or wittness the facts
The silent resolve
of one sacred act
By a mother
or a would be wife
We know the implications of life
The sacrifice that was made
for none other than you
Over a life time
Or one single use
Then comes the realization
that screams so loud
One single second
in a silence slowed down
A look with an unseeing eye
Something that bloomed
in the mind
A simple reminder
of a very old sorrow
In life is happiness but sadness
Then it rings like a bell
With one single tear
a cry starts
As my hands reach out before me
It touches nothing but air
Where have you gone my love?
My heart, it sings for you
But you are not there to hear it
Where have you gone my love?
Have I descended upon the barren moon,
Where desert sands seem my outlook?
Have I wandered a lonely path,
Where night greets me with solitude?
Come back, grab my hand,
Listen to my heart and then
Listen to your heart
For it will be then
That neither of us will be …alone
So much is lost in time.
Words are taken in the wrong meaning.
Soon te bridge is but a scar of memory.
Sweet moments but a fargone reflection none of which
I choose to recall.
the laughter stale as the beer in this smoke filled room.
Music heals but stabs us deep.
Cents for the pain.
Numbers the tune.
Her body is there but not for anyone to
the backward thougts with forward visions.
The emptyness my home hollow in the aftreglow.
My return is long overdue and to soon my exit.
A thief of emotion that exist only within my pen.
Has it been lost all over agian?
Birthed in pain and blood, women
have bled since the dawn of time.
before the Israelites,
before and since the Vatican’s conclave
where the contents of the New Testament were gleaned,
and where it was decided by male interpretation
of male writings that ...
we, women were the source -
the source of sin, an anathema,
not the source of all knowledge, of life.
We are the source.
Blood is the source of life,
within the sea of We
well before the Holy See.
Left behind as man progresses.
Left, as he searches for more fecund delta’s
first in Eden, and ever after…
Left behind to starve by those our bodies’ placentas
and breasts have fed till barren,
corseted by the precepts of phallic culture.
One jealous, womb-less, foodless, birth- less,
male oriented culture after another;
from Adam to Moses to Mohammad to Confucius,
to Luther, and Pope Benedict XVI.
Left behind as “society” peaks,
property born, chattel formed.
Left behind, the arch scroungers, at the empty tit of man.
behind the door, the desk, in the kitchen,
or the veil.
Women starve so their children can eat,
holding each ember of life, full or lifeless.
Sigils of the dawn, we were
born in blood,
bathed in injustice
shunted to the hardest paths
Hungry, we feed you.
Cold we clothe you.
We are the eternal water
in the well of your existence.
You bleed us to death, Mankind ...
Dark and lonely
A cave in my soul
Dripping with emotion
A tidal flood
Encrypted in my heart
An arrow through a lark
And old sousaphones
Honk into the night
I'm a rain dog that bites
I am a rattle snake
That wants to fight
There’s no love here
There never has been
You ask me for my hand
It’s a shaker and a tam
No thank you ma’am
I'll take my chances
On snake eyes
And remove the scales
So don’t come looking
It’s damp and dreary here
For a heart that is closed
This is no place for you dear
Looking at my reflection
In a pool of water,
my face appeared oblong
as the quivering breeze
created ripples across the surface,
for a moment as I pondered
I spy a glimpse of the future,
looking up at me!
They come from a different era
where patriotism is a just cause
they would fight for the true blue
never mind who was right or wrong
they stood staunch and egos proud
their chest out, backs straight and chins up
they come from an old style of thinking
I fight today as my father and grandfather did too.
fighting for an eye for an eye tooth for a tooth
I will die to serve my country even if its a lie
if you try to invade our land
we will come and conquer you
we are defenders of the truth
but the old timers forget
and the young ones have a narrow point of view
there was a time when the immigrants were Irish, Italians and jews
racism was rampant and that hasn't changed
Christians today still preach
'Jesus is savior they say repent your evil ways
pushing their rhetoric just like the roman empire did
amazingly America seems to be doing the same
history seems to repeat itself time and time again
war, religion, oil and what we perceive as freedom
we invade again and again and call it defending democracy
yet the intelligence comes from spies and other governments
because they have shared interests in different types of policy
they all carefully choose their words
because one slip of the lip could trigger war as it has happened before
todays war on terrorism is a campaign designed to instill pain
and un-trust to drain our resources from us
And our leader claimed up front this is not a religious war
yet he paraphrases from the bible we'll get those evil doers
you see bush fooled our religious leaders too.
he used their belief in Jesus he tricked 'em all just to get their vote
he claims he's a born again Christian and this Christians embraced him holly
but then one day bush spoke to Jesus and asked what to do with Iraq
Jesus responded Invade that country
Now dont get me wrong Jesus was not about war
he taught of peace, love and compassion
however his message has been twisted and turned over time
and history shows the hands of Christian religious leaders are always bloody
because they twist the truth to control dictatorship is always the goal
Bush had been plaining war before a judge handed him the seat
on his first day he signed a bill into law prevent any criminal charges against him
My words are lost in ink stains
Verses smudged in prints of you
Illegible scribbles soon fill in lines
Once paved with love anew
Now only paperless pain ensues
An unnatural sequence of thoughts
Scribed in distressed hues of blue
Will re-actively release your grip
But the pain it can’t undo
Now only agony grew
My heart hands weep writes of tomorrow
My paper and pen are tempered in sorrow
My emotions bellow wallows
Of a mournful mind
On this dreary winter morning I sit on a bench in Central Park. Lost in my own
thoughts of the conversation I had with my ex-wife and her last remarks. I keep asking
myself is it my fault? What did I do wrong? The chilly wind fills my ears with it's endless
song. I shiver slightly and goose bumps crawl along the back of my neck. Her words have
left me an emotional wreck. I pull my leather jacket tighter around my shoulders. I feel it in
my bones this day will get colder.
I've seen several joggers getting in their morning run. That just shows people will
continue their lives never mind the rays of the sun. So many thoughts running through my
head. And I hold the morning newspaper I still haven't read. I contemplate over my life, it's
not always easy, and so-called-friends can be the enemy. Even your spouse living in your
house can betray you with infidelity. That is why my heart is aching like a cavity. Right now
I'm doing my best to hang on to my sanity, but I really want to shout profanity.
I notice an attractive couple hand-n-hand laughing and enjoying a morning stroll; and
for some reason I can't control, I feel a sense of peace glow within my soul. My insecurities
diminish from their dark hellhole. I begin to feel "whole," and suddenly this morning doesn't
seem so cold.
I get up from the bench shaking off the numbness that has set in. A very pretty woman
walks by with her dog and I grin. She notices and smiles back. Wow! A kinda smile that is
only meant for kodak! I watch her walk past me with her dog leading the way. Something
tells me "you better not let this one get away." As I'm listening to my inner voice, she
glances back over her shoulder, and I knew that she too was giving me a choice. Amazing
how just several minutes ago my entire world seemed so dark. I now knew everything was
going to be okay because of this bench in Central Park......
* 10th Place win in "Anything Goes" Contest
sponsored by A Rambling Poet
Space is a void
avoid means something
not to be trusted,
like a vacuum of nothingness
without a soul.
Space a place not filled
like my broken heart chilled,
no one lingers in there
because there is no one to care,
when of love there is no trace
can be found in a heart or space!
i gnaw away, starting from my head, the store-house of
all my phantasms. and my eyes, in which you once drowned
and rose up as a nocturnal fire-bird
i am saving the best for the last, the heart,
tasting of off-season berries shriveled, bitter-sweet
caressed by decades of winter, beating inside
a summer-scented chest,
hay, cow-dung and mildew.
The forest has given birth
to a prying Moon.
It watches over my tendency
to measure things.
The moon, metaphorical as ever, swinging smugly over the
In her I saw your youth (resplendent, shining, bold)
and your age (scarred, empty, restless).
We took turns at the well
Pulling the slimy rope
Bringing up the loot
The coins, the lost kittens
The ghosts of ancient trees
How do we share equally?
You mourn for a life time
But the sudden discovery of that wart
In your armpit made you laugh
(cynical, the 'ha' went up, up, up)
you stop being you.
There is nothing left but dredges
you took what was yours
left behind what was mine
I turn it into a broken mirror
to reflect you
through my shattered veins
And we are left here
Like maggots—dirty, parentless…devastated
Always feeding on the gruel…the cruel
Fattening our lives in the moneyless bilk
Shocking like a bee sting, yet soft as silk
We are the forgotten
I am watching the others grow rotten
But I am cleansed and raw with glee
Because…though blinded with slime…I SEE…
I rise to the sound of the agonizing screams
Of rapes, murders, of violent fists…weeping minds
My definition of true finds…
I smile when any possible hope arrives
Fate laughs, knowing I constantly scream inside
I am amused of it all…I can’t stop laughing
As bitter tears began to fall
I HATE ALL OF YOU…
I WANT TO KILL YOU ALL…
But I love that I can take anything
From the nothing we have all been labeled
The sick, the low…the mentally unstable
Watch me roll up in a ball
A naughty tease to death’s lull
I love your silence…
I love your intense fall
And we are more alive than any of you
We are crazed by your belligerence
Aching to be emotionless
SHARE YOUR INDIFFERENCE
Give us something to be left with
So the others can die
As Fate veers its head looking in the mirror
Listen to her laughter—do you hear her?
She watches and waits
To find her maggots have grown wings…
Screw your selfish indifference...we fall to fly
We are more alive than any of you
Though quickly we die
I have just scratched the surface of my latent hatred
Of my blind, awe-inspiring, narcissistic, misanthropic, vehement self
In Flames draws it
As, I believe, Nightwish will
There is so much power here, my heart is stone.
But inside, oh how is it acerbic!
It burns! I feel… the burn
It yearns to burst out
To… to kill
Do I mean that?
No, just thoughts.
Twisted, darkened thought.
No, they do not.
The moment I turn this music off
I am out.
I am me.
But, right now, I am king.
A god, DO AS I SAY!
…and leave me be.
Anything else is unsatisfactory
No… IT IS TORTURE.
So get away.
Humans make me weak.
I acknowledge no pain,
only that which you give me
Go, go now!
It is all your fault,
it is all your fault!
My twisted, wretched existence
Bound by darkness,
Bound by rusted iron chains,
to this never-ending life
of pain, of misery, of anguish!
Escape? There is none.
Certainly not by your hand
You are foolish, you are human, and you are nothing.
How could you think us equals?
Don’t you see me?
Don’t you see my power?
A web that has no ending
For I can not stop
Even though I try
Something is wrong with me
Because my judgement is blinded
And I can not see
Every time I make the promise
To quench the desire to mislead
It only adheres for a short moment
Until the web starts to bleed
The deciet of my words
My voice has no truth
It is an addiction
A never ending piercing thorn
It is like a paper cut
That always hurts to the touch
And I am that paper cut
That hurts everyone I touch
Why can't I control this monster inside
It is destroying my very being
It is grasping my loved ones by the heart
Tearing their view of me completely apart
I wish that this was just a dream
That this is not as bad as it seems
And that I am not pushing everyone away
Acceptance is my aime
To be looked upon higher
Eventhough, I have everything I have always visioned
This thing still wants to feed
I have tried so many times to depress it
So many promises and pleads
To the one above
Whom I know that shows only love
The one who can crush this irritating bug
It yearns so badly to come alive
That I can not contain it
Eventually, it slowly engulfs my soul
Like fumes from a old kerosene heater
Taking away my breath
Some days I try to start a fresh
But, within hours and without even knowing
Out comes my darkened words
My mind has no control
I Have No Control
Only Lies have Control
My resentment flairs
My will ebbs
Still looking elsewhere
I won’t just leave
I care too much
My heart is here
Have more to give
Want answers to my whys
Know I’ll never truly know
Doors of opportunity may open
But I still hold hope
Knowing this is my calling
Slowly you wind your net
Intent upon a snare....beware
Slyly he comes interest he feigns in your day....
He comments on the weather
While your feet are fixed in a snare
His two edged sword is placed for a quick kill
His mercy is protective of his time
For time is money!!
-to my mom... inspired by Nathan Fehr-
I have to forgive you
For what you have done
For what you didn’t do
For leaving me in gloom
Leaving us all wondering
If you would ever return
I have to forgive you
Because you can smile away everything
Because we need you
And love you
Sometimes I know
That you would have stayed
If it weren’t for God’s intervention
You would have stayed with him
If you hadn’t been thrown out
We were your last resort
But that doesn’t mean I am not hurt
I forgive you
For the worst and for the best
We are blessed
To have you back
Though we will never truly understand
What made you leave us all behind
I guess you really loved him
The loveless … I understand
You wanted to make someone happy
You wanted to fill that empty void
But by doing so
Others had to suffer
But you didn’t want us to suffer
You were just tired of it
Tired of doing everything
We were your last resort
We were abandoned
And you returned
With open arms
And tears of bitter sweetness
I have come to forgive you
Because if I don’t
There you will go again
Freed skyline pigeon
And I love you
Please don't leave us
Let your wings rest
I hate your touch and your smile.
Wicked little creature.
I hate your blue eyes and brown hair.
Sinful hate filled liar.
I hate your voice and your scent.
I hate you everything you do for what you did.
But we loved and touched, smiled, talked and connected physically.
You lied about our moments spend,
you can't look me in the eyes.
You lead me on and stole my youth,
but don't have the nerve to speak to me now.
I hate your beauty and your thievery;
but loved the way you made me fill.
I hate that you now do the same to another girl;
your lies blind her.
I hate the diseases you carry;
love the infection you gave.
I love you and can't let go,
hate because I’m smarter than this.
I hate this poem because I think of you with every word...
Your eyes, your smile, your hair, your skin, and your kiss.
Most of all...
I love you for the time we had.
I hate you because you don't want me now.
Silently, she lies there listening to sirens off in the distance,
On the bed where they just recently enjoyed each other’s passion.
The neighborhood dogs, barking at the noise in the night, are taken inside by their owners.
Tears streak down her cheeks knowing that never again would she make love to him.
Never again would they kiss and make up;
Never again would they laugh together until it hurt;
Never again would she stare intently into his deep, dark eyes;
Never again would she cuddle with him in the dark of the night;
Never again would he strike her in anger;
Never again would he leave bruises all over her body;
Never again would he overpower her with his brute strength;
Never again would she lie about how she got another black eye.
She loved him too much to find fault with his behavior;
Surely, somehow, she must have deserved the full force of his wrath.
She hated him too much to continue to endure the pitiful look in his eyes
As if asking, why do you allow me to treat you like a whore?
Flashing lights of blue and red reflected off the corners of the bedroom wall.
Neighbors, dressed in bathrobes, pointed the police officers to the window of her room.
The gun which pierced the silence of the night with six rapid, successive blasts
Slipped from her fingers, landing on the floor next to the lifeless body of her man.
Don't be so tortured, passion.
Don't be so metal rimmed in servitude
to all that's over the top and brimming with enigma's breath
Don't be the pump of blood adrenaline
on all the days one might have called
the moon out on her day of death.
Don't be so riddled, passion.
Don't be so all elusively inclined
to all that want a taste of you with grasping hands
Don't be the hide to seek tonight
in all this dark when even stars
grow quaint in the ignite of their demands.
Don't be so waning, passion.
Don't whisk the room in tenderness
past all the sense of first encounter's countenance
Don't rinse the obligated sigh
in love's delight and broken breath
when all we want is permanence.
Don't be so quiet, passion.
Don't leave us here with metal lips
to kiss desire in last good bye's and marriage vows
Don't rinse your hands of us tonight
as we live on adrenaline
and bated tongues immerse you even now...
Written by: David William Breidenthal and Jake Ponce
D: Blessed breeze sweeps over us
J: Whenever I leave the door ajar at night,
J: I felt myself grow pale from the humid howls
D: Gravity pulls us down to the ground
J: Shadows in hiding have been found
J: Shadows in hiding have been found
J: There were irises staring into mine
D: The twinkle in your eyes were like stars that shine
D: When I forgot to lock the gate behind me,
D: I felt this sensation of indignation
D: I felt guilt overflow in me contritely...woefully...
J: My fists trembled and I could see the roses
J: Split from their vines, out my flesh and into your cells
J & D: Shadows in hiding have been exposed
J: Now I stand in front of the mirror, perplexed
J: At the man that I thought has ceased
D: The man that lingers in my dreams
J: The man I know I no longer could be
D: The Earth is slowly breaking at the seams
J: Dividing me into sheets of empty sins
D: But he soon vanished from sight
J: Shadows in hiding have been found
D: And blended with the pale, cruel moonlight
J: Clouds then rise to whisper
J: That all this and I are done…
J & D: Shadows in hiding are skipping to and fro
J & D: Shadows in hiding are sinking exceedingly low
D: The doubts possess me…hope lost its shine and good luck lost its fortune
D: The moon begins to reflect my sorrow-whelmed face
D: Like a two-sided mirror, revealing to me my flaws and wrinkles
J: As I implore the forces to grant me borrowed life
J: And with a grin, I'll paint tomorrow's sky
J & D: Shadows in hiding coil and let out a cry
J & D: Shadows in hiding reach from on high
D: The sun is wearing a mask of disdain and I'm not done with this race
J: There is an ache holding me captive…
J: There is a force keeping me in place
D: I’m trying so desperately to keep pace
D: I'm trying to keep a steady pace with my heartbeats, sending me tingles
D: Down my spine...down my spine…
J & D: Shadows in hiding are serpentine, moving through me
J & D: Shadows in hiding was crawling down my spine, never leaving me be
D: Set me free, set me free
D: Feeling these Goosebumps – I’ve lost track of time
D: The church bells peacefully chime
J: And I can hear the advances of the clocks
J: On pale green horses, saying they'll meet me at the docks
D: Feeling like I'm honestly living in the dumps
J: With my chest hacked open like a cellar
J: And I'm left alone with my last glass of the finest wine
J & D: These shadows in hiding – I refuse to claim it as mine
J: Yet, the shadows in hiding have been found
D: Open up the cage and let me take flight, I won't heat up in rage
D: I'm just adjusting to this difficult stage
D: Are you on the same page?
D & J: Soon, we’ll unveil the shadows in hiding
D: It will graze in the maze of mystifying wonders…It might take days
J: Perhaps I should get going
J: To see the northern lights down the forest haze
painted green granite
lip gloss lips to kiss them
frozen smiles bitten
from a lover's listen
wondering what is missing...
Sometimes I wonder,
What ripped us asunder
I wonder...why friends fade away,
I wonder...why death is our destiny,
And as we experience our final day,
I wonder what will become of you and me
I wonder, with eyes dilated,
Why this day was to be so fated...
When all I saw was you walking away
Or your soul released from here...
I see the suffering of Rene'
Our lives are short,
I wonder what ought
To have been,
Is there some reasoning
For the the ultimate sadness
Towards which we spin?
I wonder if we'll ever understand
What it's all about
I wonder, and wonder,
What was God's plan grand?
I could have redone this life
And accomplished so much more
But now it's too late,
For death approaches my door.
What’s the use of trying any longer?
Nothing comes out the way I want it to flow
Words perpetrate my every being
And I strain to get my temperament to slow
But my cognizance is reeling in a panic of waves
The voltage of emotion is overwhelming me
What is this journey impending to?
What is my purpose?
To obliterate or build?
I keep assurances only to splinter and shatter them
I melt into their regrets and apologies without looking back
Then I am slapped right back in the face
With my own waves of shame and qualm
I wish I was like you
I wish I could put a guise on and never show my face
I wish I could take a dagger and extinguish the sorrow
But it keeps coming back with twinges and pains!
I want to scream my way into your existence
I want to end all the overwrought thoughtlessness
I want to be lifted in your ease
To be beautiful and clever like you
The demon is me and I am foaming with misery
My horns are melting by your pertinacious confrontations
I can’t reply to the desolation of nothingness
I can’t make it all go away
I’m trapped! RELIEVE ME!
Cursed adrenaline rushes about me
My body is prickling and waterlogged in blackness
I swallow the poisons of my backwash
And back-fire every stab in the back
Thoughts of a world without you
Make me cringe.
I felt you were invincible.
You were the constant,
The strength when I could carry the pain no more.
Always the courage when I was afraid.
My sole source for true love,
Love independent of my success or failure.
Never could I imagine this day would come.
Now, death grips your hand tighter than life.
I try to be strong.
I hope I am brave.
I pray every day I find your traits in me.
The hours seem to fly.
Tomorrow floats so far ahead.
Nothing is certain,
Each breath could be the last.
I weep, sad for the impending loss.
Yet joyous in the knowledge
Soon you will suffer no more.
Life is a winding road
Moving through lovely territory
That inspires dreams and goals.
Then it enters rough roads
Wild rivers under tornadoes
That eat at our resolve
And threaten to destroy the hopes
We had embraced when the way
Ran smooth by flowery meadows.
When we have been let down
By those we had believed in so
We often choose to change course
To avoid bumping in the same inferno
But no matter, every road we take
Will have its own inferno.
As we determine to stay the course
We find that it is the road I must go
And when we go beyond the call of duty
We come to see the real hero
Within the fiber of our awesome fabric
Worthy to be called
Sons and Daughters of God.
I needed some time, some space to think
And it was either take a walk or drink
And since I knew drinking would solve nothing
I put on my shoes and I started walking
The wind blew the chilly air
Through my unkempt locks of hair,
But I hardly felt the biting cold,
Walking with memories warm in my soul
The street was dark, cold and silent
It was funny the places where my mind went
While I slowly walked across the blacktop road
No destination in mind where I would go
It's funny the things you will remember
I recall a day in mid-December
And how suddenly, nothing seemed the same
After that man at the door called my name
I followed him into a secluded office
Where he would tell me his diagnosis
And suddenly I felt my beating heart
But the rest of the world had just stopped
I felt a hand in mine get tighter
I don't think the room could have been quieter
I shook my head in total disbelief
Too numb to feel anything, even grief
The question asked, "What does this mean?"
But the answer didn't mean anything
My head too fuzzy, my thoughts too jumbled
I turned to my love to speak, but mumbled
I don't remember what else he said
Because of the swirling thoughts in my head
It took three days before I could even think
Which led me to tonight: walk or drink
So I walked and I thought and I truly remembered
Dreams of the past, love treasured forever
Friendship and laughter, sorrow and pain
As though I was reliving my life over again
Little things that I'd sorely taken for granted
Things that didn't happen the way that I planned it
Promises made and ones that were broken
Love that was shared, love still unspoken
The frosty air filled me with a sense of renewal
Inside my soul was fighting a duel
The angel, the devil, both battling demons
Inside of myself I fought to redeem them
I don't know who won the ethereal battle
And I'm not sure right now it even matters
Where once I believed everything for a reason
I'm finding that harder and harder to believe in
Her death STARING me down
Staring. . .
Her drooping eyes dangling low
Don’t come any nearer!
I told you to leave!
You killed them all, one by one
I did it for you!
DON’T BLAME ME FOR LOVING YOU!
Give me a kiss. . .stay quiet
NO! Tell me it’s a lie
. . .
This must be a nightmare
The nightmare ends here—I swear
Hold me close and we’ll comfort each other
While they pass by
You’ll be safe, unharmed
And then you can run, you beautiful soul
It’s too late to run, remember?
There’s still a way out
You’re only giving me a shred of hope
Hope. . .
So you can tear it all down
Tear them all down. . .
We’re together. . .just you and me, And Nobody
I’m scared of you
Use me to save you
You were built to destroy
Run. . .run. . .I beg you to run
I’m not going anywhere
The pain has just begun
Hide. . .hide. . .they’re coming inside
Let them come
I’ll never say goodbye
You left me with Nobody
And Nobody is me
So I’m stuck with you and you’re stuck with me
I want you to go over there
Don’t look—turn around
They will enter me and you will see The Nobody
I’m not scared of Nobody
YES YOU ARE. . .
Run. . .run. . .please run. . .
No I’m not
Bodily odors and sulfur
Blood and oath—SUFFER!
I will die
here at the doorsteps
of your heart wondering
why you let
me come so
close and yet you kept
A wall of
ice and glass
prevents me from
Gasping for my
breathe I am
to guess what it takes for
to give up plans and
When you will
open that door my
will greet you
frozen and you will not
able to ever
Multiple fractures of my skull
Makes my thoughts void and null
Motor neurons now shut down
Synapse connections now unwound
All thought burned away
But oddly enough
This was my finest day.
Temperature's hovering at 103
Very much too hot for me,
A/C busted, that's
plain to see...
What can I do, let's see....
Stuck in the middle,
The owners just piddle
All I need is a sad fiddle
To accompany my misery
I didn't break it, this I swear,
And should some say so
They'd better take care,
I have my Panzer grenadieres
On full alert,
And it won't be waterguns
That they will squirt
So get a fan, take a cold bath,
Sleep on your patio,
Don't incur my wrath
Take a chill pill.....
Take two or three,
We'll get it fixed,
This I will see...
Not fun being the manager
Responsibility for everything,
Authority to do nothing,
Frustrations build quick,
Can make one quite sick
But, this too shall pass,
Another challenge will
take it's place
Cause this just is an
All the castles
I'd longed to see,
Will never stand
In front of me
All the knowledge
I have gained,
All the emotions,
I have feigned
And now real love
To make me cry
I lie in bed,
I wonder why...
It seems unfair,
But such is life,
I've suffered much,
As with an unfaithful wife
Those castle walls
Will long outlive me,
And it will come the time soon,
For me to see
My love's faker
But I have my one
Ace in the hole,
I've kept one piece
Of me that's whole
That part of me
That believes in me
And no matter
What others see
This part is mine,
And mine alone,
And surely I'll have
Sins to atone,
But this one part,
Believes in me,
And it knows,
I never hurt anyone,
For I chose
To do what seemed right
And moral too,
And though I'd fight,
To prove it true,
I tried to do
My very best,
I tried to pass
My soul's real test,
If I failed,
It was by mistake,
All I wanted,
Was a smile to make.
Outside, the moon is alone in the sky
and floats bright white in the ocean
of the great black-blue on high.
It illuminates slightly my surroundings,
giving everything the soft pallid hue
that makes everything something familiar,
though some things I have never seen.
All things being equal,
under the bright white moon,
I see the waves of grass
in neighboring lawns that I’ve never trod,
and I see the soft waves of the moon
dancing off the rooftops of houses
that I’ve never been welcomed in,
that contain neighbors that I’ve never met.
It’s cold out…
if the sun gives off heat in the day,
does the moon radiate chills at night?
The moon sheds its cold, emotionally bankrupt light
on everything I see.
Is this how I should be?
If this is how all emotional attachment ends up,
should I even bother?
Or better yet, should I wait for the moon,
that reopens my wounds just by shining on me?
Every time it comes into sight,
I can’t help but think of all the times
it left me dark and cold.
Should I wait for it to change,
or should I move on?
I can’t see why I should waste my time,
when there are other things that
can radiate a brighter and warmer light than this.
If I see it shining its light on others;
what light does it have for me?
There is a her shaped hole in this world
A black void
If you look hard enough you can still see the sparkles of the departed
Black diamonds of the afterlife
The entrance left open
In case he needs to follow
It's not in the leaving she said
It's in the living once I'm dead
The cold cold bed Sat in our room
The silence in the telephone
This is what the worst will be
The carrying on without me
It isn't in the leaving she sighs
It's in the knowing I didn't survive
She asked him once to be brave
Carry on forget her name
Give some meaning to his life
Leave behind the cold dead wife
How can you love me she asked
When all I want is to depart
How am I faithfully yours she cried
He just looked at her and sighed
It isn't in the leaving she cried
It's in the living once I've died
Where I'm going has no name
The darkness consumes me again and again
I'll wait for you she said
She promised as in life and death
I warned you along the way she said
I tried to make you see
I never belonged to your world
I was never truly me
I belong to the nether world
I was put here by mistake
I'm waiting for it to draw me back
To take again my place
This is what she's seeing there
He's too used up to even care
Watching his restless nights and days
Keeping the haunting mind at bay
The last vision in his head is his wife hanging above the bed
Useless little words
Why do you mean so much?
Why did you tear so many fragile hearts?
With the pull of your lines…
With the light YANK of your unfinished sentences…
Why did you do this to me, useless little word?
Did you really want to make me cry a thousand tears?
And make me look like a fool?
Useless little words,
Why are you so unfeeling?
Why has my heart been torn by your subtle existence on a page…
Or a text, or a message… or a simple ink blot…
Fighting with all your little ways
To get right under the skin…
Why do you tear open my very veins?
My very soul?
Useless little words,
There’s a fire waiting to be quenched,
But someone is always putting in the ammunition
So quick a spurt
SO QUICK A SPURT
That the tongue has its own cruel cold stoned heart
Waiting for the moment I shatter and fall apart
Why are you so fickle?
As deadly emotions trickle
Useless little words,
I’m on my way to silence again
Because you fool me every time
With your cruel, hell-laced intentions
Why do I even bother?
To let them bounce off my body…
They always remain
Useless little words,
Have drilled a hole straight through
Words never spoken
But always…always used…
Less and less spoken
Less and less kind
Useless little words,
I only wanted them to matter
I only wanted you to understand
That you can drill in me tonight
But tomorrow, when the day shines
But only for a little while
And then you’ll be back again
Beautiful little words!
How I can always depend on you!
"I’ll never understand how people can go on and live
The miracle of finding the strength to forgive
To resurrect peace, to close up wounds so deep
they pierce souls beneath heart beats
To be a willful slave to a loving God’s commands
The key to a freedom that I’ll never understand." -Shad
I am not one for articulate words;
Had words be tears, I would write for kings—
But here I am, raw with restraint,
As you tear our worlds apart.
One day I had desired you here,
To celebrate your creation far from compare;
And the next I bid you gone,
Anger tearing my words apart.
Now, all I wish is peace…
I cannot stand your creations lying to waste,
At your expense…for their laments…
Wishing only for peace…
To replace lament,
And replace all…
That I can never quite utter…
Feb 18, 2014
I know death
it lives in my chest
I know life
it lives in my head
giving me beautiful visions
that my chest won't let me
I know death
it lives in my chest
I know life
it lives in my head
torn between desire
forever the Gemini
I am not afraid of you, Nobody
LEAVE HIM ALONE!
You are afraid of what I’ll do to him. . .
Nobody. . .stop
I love you
How am I still alive?
Watch him cry. . .WATCH HIM DIE. . .
Give him up and leave us to agony
Agony. . .
Keep him alive and I will eventually die
Blink – One, two, three four
There’s no escape
GIVE HIM MORE!
Nobody likes me
Wake me up—I’M BURNING UP!
And the killer’s left to guide me
TURN AROUND. . .LOOK BEHIND YOU!
Her faceless, raw, noseless features right in my face
Crawling nearer and nearer
YOU’VE KILLED THEM ALL
SO NOW THEY CAN DESTROY ME!
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE NOBODY NOW?
I am nobody—I am empty
YOU LEFT ME NOTHING
AND GAVE ME ENEMIES!!!
DEMONS! DEMONS!! DEMONS!!! DEMONS!!!!
GET OUT OF THEM!!!!!
Wake me from this Nightmare of Reality
Nobody says you’re staying forever
UNTIL YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO WAKE
DEMONS!!!! DEMONS!!!!! DEMONS!!!!!!
I smell them. . .I feel them. . .I taste them
UNTIL YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO WAKE
I hear them. . .
UNTIL YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO WAKE
KUT ME! GRIND ME!
She has waken from this nightmare
. . .
Nobody will miss her
When I awaken, I am in my classroom
The math professor is in the middle of a lecture
Then . . . there she is
The girl I killed
The girl I fear
Sitting at her desk taking notes
What is this?
Why am I here?
Why has my cruel mind formulated this gut-wrenching lie?
Why do I fear myself?
My hands shake uncontrollably
As I stare at the blank page before me
Looking up once or twice at her curly, golden hair
I think to myself
Why did I just get the urge to kill someone
When I have never killed anyone in my life?
And why her?
The answer is as clear as day:
She was everything
But why then would I want her gone?
—because she was NEVER THERE
No matter how close
She was never there . . .
But she was rightfully mine!
And if I couldn’t have her
No one would . . .
I snap out of it by the sound of her soft voice
Calling my name
We are the only two in the room now
She is not facing me
Her back turned as always
She invites me to her house
Her birthday party
I swallow hard
Is she kidding me?
After ignoring me for all these years
She’s inviting me to her party?
My mind wants to scream
But I answer in one word:
Then, the next thing she does sends shivers down my spine
Still not facing me
She opens up her hand mirror
—the one with the little black heart
Her eyeball in the glass
Staring me down
That mocking look of pity
Shattering my sanity
She looks at me and says,
“Don’t keep me waiting . . .”
I remember the dream of Austria
As the war for me was finally closing
High in my turret upon the Sherman
I entered this mountain paradise at last
Until I reached the earthly gates of hell
Within those eyes I found despair
That spark of life long dead
Their hearts filled of solitudes poison
Muted voices no longer calling out
Thousands of souls starving for hope
Existing amongst corpses who had lost it
Now just shadows of the once proud
Crushed by tyranny simply because they “were”
Empty men drifting about lost in a miring haze
Praying for the peace only death grants
So very few seemed to hold onto humanity
They had nothing to fear because all was lost
As I stood at the hells gates called Mauthausen
In that moment I found the truest of evils
Under the threshold of Hades a toxoid of hatred
Not truly comprehending what my eyes spoke
Numbed in fears I never knew subsisted within me
Standing frozen I wanted nothing more than to run
As the shell of that crying man fell in my arms
I am haunted by his words…”godheid bedanken”
My faith transfused giving him a moments hope
Within those high peaks of the songs of paradise
I lost my soul at the gates of a concentration camp
Every night since I hear his voice thanking God
He called us the wrath and thunder of reckoning
But…I was just a boy with rifle searching for a respite
I ache everywhere
if you’re not here
whether you are far away
or a mile away,
when I can’t see you
and touch you,
My spirit aches
as it tries to feel
what you feel
and wants to bear the burdens
that you bear.
My mind aches
from so many shared thoughts
and too many alone thoughts,
wanting you to know how much
I think of you.
My body aches
from its constant desires
to be next to yours,
to touch your skin,
to hear your voice,
to smell you and taste you,
to see your beauty
and experience all of you.
You are the only cure
for these aches I have,
some for thirty years,
others for thirty days.
I truly hope
that I am allowed
to cure some of your aches also
and may the good Lord
heal you completely
in His own way and time.
A continuation of The World Above Me, a special collaberation between myself and my good friend Justin Connor
The shelter opens its door to the world above me
Never have I seen so much destruction
My eyes get used to the brightness,
An unwanted tear trickling down my cheek
But once they are accustomed to the light,
I want to close them again
I feel the urge to turn back
But they push me forward,
Whispering low, consoling words
I look around to see what humanity used to be
Before the devastation
And I marvel at what the old world used to be
But one question remains:
Why did people destroy their lives,
And end the world we used to know?
I walk my feet on the unknown terrain
Ruins. . .debris. . .the air placid and still
All around is rubbish
My mother whispers a prayer from behind
And then I wonder. . .
If God was ever here
As I look around I notice a book
Lying there, upon the ashy wreckage
I pick it up and read. . .
It details a nation’s fight for freedom
A large statue of a man is in the building I stand by
I stare at the brazen figure in awe
The features are crumbling but here it still stands
Watching over its obliterated land
I squeeze the book in my hand
His eyes show loyalty and courage
No sadness—not even a speck of fear
Looking more outwards I see a tall structure
And past that a building with a large dome
The architecture of the old world amazes me
What wonders men have done—could have done
If they hadn’t let each other come undone
In violence and death
Yet still I wonder how these incredible buildings
Could possibly remain after all that has happened
Like the buildings, we have survived
And hopefully, through lessons learned,
We can thrive
My father tells everyone to clear away the ruins
People even use old machines with cranes
The old world is gone
But from the ashes we can start anew
We were in the shelter for the good of humanity
And now, because of us,
There is hope
I am losing you again
White, oh your skin, whiter than pearls…
I sit here, trying not to stare,
Serene you are, as you lie in your bed,
How awful could agony become?
I am losing you again
Chapped and faded your divinely drawn lips…
Opaque, the spark in your eyes, it no longer exists,
Uttering out the words, "you had my heart from the start,"
Lament, your words are, as your lips part,
Does God really need another angel by His side?
Exasperating, your paralysis, suffocates me…
Abashed I awake, from a nightmare,
Throbbing, I almost submerged your sheets with gasoline,
Oh poor baby, you are so soggy from the chemo,
Undying, everlasting we are, hang on my love,
Rusting your skin, your sickness is so ruthless, to kill you,
Could I really break the wall my pride has built?
Angst haunted me as I listened to the mournful,
Notes of the saddest symphony existing…
Could I please place a red rose on your mahogany sepulcher?
Endless our love is, as a paroxysm of pain,
Rushed through my blood,
Amid the purple phlox, and the emerald elms,
Waves of distress, overwhelm,
As I realise how your anguish was so true,
Yesterday, I wished I had died instead of you…
I feel my friendship has been discarded
My words held no meaning
My words inadequate to the task
She left in the middle of the night
Took her few remaining words
An empty spot
A kind word not received
A smile I will not feel
So I must wonder
Were we friends
Was it a game of pretend
In the final analyse a dead end
I am still here
Maybe too far but still near
Willing to listen
I didn't go away
Don't true friends stay
The ones left behind pay
So I'm left with anger
So to cope
I'll stop looking here and there
I will try not to care
We invest a lot of our selves with the friends we make on the Soup
a second family of sorts. Becca was like a little sister and a bright spot
in my day. I will miss her, I see this morning her account is gone.
You speak of love, and I say nay
Betrayal is more like it
I trusted you, but you took advantage
plundering it to oblivion
Your tokens of love are laughable,
all merely fool’s gold
they satiated me before
now they disgust me
We speak of different kinds of love
Yours is physical, mine is emotional
and I refuse to give in anymore
so throw away your bargaining chips
This love is not for sale.
**May 25, 2010 written for John’s The Gauntlet contest :)
i come from
the jungle of despair
with its vines and thorns
full of emptiness
i come from
the nothingness of space
born of a black hole
a vacuum of longing
i come from
a man and a woman
a mother and a father
not husband and wife
nor even lovers
i come from
and opportunity missed
in the rain forest of frustration
clearing the way
for the seed of hope
i come from
the society that killed
and left me for dead
that promoted slavery
longer than liberty
i come from
wishing i was
The Meaning Of Humankind
Forever people look for a complicated word
Years, decades and centuries they search
One sad word that gives meaning to humankind
Poets have written pages looking for the word
Singers sing their songs trying to find just the right word
Writers tell stories about the search for the word
Not one poem, song or story can find the perfect word
The perfect combination of letters and sounds
No one can find the one word that describes humankind
The perfect word is there right before them
It has been for all the history of the spoken language
In Greek, Latin, English or Aramaic or Chinese it has one meaning
Five letters, three syllables work together to giving meaning to humankind
The word the poets, singers and writers have been searching for
That word is simply alive
A sad word because it always has a final moment, a moment of loss
Yet, a happy word because while we are alive
We live, we love, we learn and we experience life and who we are
Sad or happy “alive” is the meaning of humankind
Thank the gods for the happy moments yet do not fear the sad ones
For that it life
That is the meaning of being alive
How different this place
this sanctuary feels, here
inside one’s head. Where
insidious illusions fondle
a subvert mind, and obscenities
resonate within the confusion,
when fidgety creatures, assume
guardianship of my preternatural
situation, scurry around my space,
creating lattice of fabrication
across the quaking ceiling.
My imagination becoming
their fodder, my perception
their power, my tenacity
their strength, before spinneret
interweaves segregation of my
day and night.
Bollocks! To the physician of eastern
promise, he that controls this
nightmare, drip feeding diurnal
poison to this empathy
lost within an advocated paradox!
“Yet surely I have no need of
hatred, now I am confined within a
fragment of one’s dream.”
A genus of warmth; yet a confused
state of perplexity that knows
no boundaries, where bloodstain
walls survey me, incessant shadows
dance in gutless sunlight, and
radical rays anoint me with
“Hope and religion.”
I call out to Rock’n’roll!
Sammy Turner gives me
an impetuous rendering of
Then I see an old man struggling
with his own situation. Touched
I call out.
“Are you ‘Jesus Christ?”
He scans my inquiring mind.
He senses I’m an imposter,
he raises one finger
affords me two words!
Both of one demystified syllable!
© Harry J Horsman
They think because im a man that i wont shed tears
They think im strong inside, but they cant see what i hide.
Its partially my fault, for wearing the phoney smile,
And all the while
I bleed out the hurt and pain
Again and again
They dont see me on my knees begging
Oh god please,
Take this madness all away,
How much does my heart have to pay
So many poor choices
So many condemning voices
They dont see me cry in my house at night,
With the blinds pulled tight,
Living out my existance,
Am i the only tormented one
The black sheep, the wayward son
Will the light of promise one day shine
Will i be blessed in Gods good time
Or is this my fate, my sad state
Yes they cant see,
They just cant see.
wind always knows
as it writes its swirling
scripts upon threadbare roof.
lamentations for the
fields of empty prairies
as the dry leaves rustle
in strings of grass…
i do not know
the geographical shapes
of my darkness
has been left empty
with only a puppy
scraps of plain verse too
how the tail wagged for years
as empty …
i light candles
like images on the window
of my smile
for the sputter of light
is much more reassuring
than the breathless darkness.
i recite my own alphabets
that i have
hidden in the mysteries of my throat
and marvel as the moonlight passes
through the simple words
the trellises of upper
and lower case
shades i have formed
with my craftless hands
speak upon the glass
for i have found my true words
and they fit my squalor
with a strength of calmness
for darkness cannot
abide in smallness
so it leaves me
as the darkest raven
when clouds pale
the sun's rays
hindering its purpose
of existence, the cost.
over what is true
what should we pursue
in these darkened days
that have made
our face pale
when all we think in fact
is saving ourselves
having stopped to care
our own comfort.
Then we retort
there's no heaven
or hell, there's no God
and if there is
doesn't seem He cares...
But we haven't really looked
we haven't a clue
because we didn't knock
we choose to mock
we haven't really searched
to face the answers
because we know within
we would have to make
some serious change.
And the sun has weakened
over the earth crying tears
and the moon has turned to blood
with the presence of dark clouds
the only way to peace
the moon's connection with the sea
feared by so many
but in truth
of true life
and as the tides rise
and the waters advance
the earth begins to pray
turns to the heavens
choosing to believe
giving the sun a new gleam
enriching all souls
and the water recedes
and above, a feast
By Caroline Cécile© 08.30.12
Did you not notice I was slippin,
cause you didnt catch my fall.
Did you not notice I had fallin
cause you didnt help me up...
so I stayed there for awhile.
Did you not notice I was drowning,
cause you didnt offer me your hand....
so I sank to the bottom.
Did you not notice I was dying,
cause you didnt try to revive me.
Did you not notice I was Dead,
Cause you werent at my Funeral.
Did you not notice I was in Hell,
When i would haunt you with my soul caught on fire...
and you didnt put out the flames.
... And im just Wondering how did you not notice?
When And Why
Concepts of right and wrong
White and black without the shades of grey
Where did those ideas come from?
Whose warped mind divided the world into two?
Murder is murder unless it is done on a battlefield?
Killing an unborn child is ok but only until it is born
It is okay for people to starve
But it isn’t legal to steal a love of bread to feed a family
Pets are left to waste away on the sides of the road
Or take them to a shelter and have them kill it for you
After all…it is painless to die
Animals can die for sport as long as they die running
It is okay as long as they don’t fight
People can be crippled for sport
It brings in the money
But we are told that it is not right to inflict injury
As long as the owners count their millions
It is alright to be a man until a woman wants your job
It is alright to be a woman until a foreigner takes your job
When did the world become so segmented?
So indecisive about what is right and wrong
When did we screw it all up?
I'm a virgin.
Yet I'm a peer educator
I teach people about sex
and how to put on the condom.
sometimes the irony does bother me
There's an endless supply of condoms
in my custody daily yet I have no need for them
You should see the eager faces of the kids
grabbing them out of boxes like their gods best made gift
I can't share in their glory
all I can do is watch
I hate watching
I'm mostly a doer not a witness
So in this case I just feel out of place
out of context
Lost? Not exactly
Cause i'm not exactly a saint
I probably know more than the one's who are active
which makes the irony even more ridiculous.
But I guess it's just that need to be in with the crowd
The need to feel like I belong
Less and less virgin's hang around these parts
I'm starting to feel like i'm the only one left
like i'm waiting for nothing.
The condom box is calling out to me
The multiple flavors tempt me to taste.
Yet i'm still me. Therefore i'm lame.
Therefore i'm waiting...
For what i'm not even sure anymore.
I though it was because I was looking for the right guy
Maybe i'm just inept in this area.
LoL that's a laugh. My body knows I'd be a champ.
But it also listens to my head.
Maybe that's what's the problem.
All I know is that i'm drowning in a box of condoms.
It's under my bed where the darkness lies...
Scattered dreams of wounded butterflies...
I half awaken to my daunting dawn;
to find my sanity is all but gone...
I stumble through my dream-like day;
trying to forget that you have gone away...
I struggle with my fear of God,
as the reaper gently turns and nods...
So now it's time for me to go...
To sleep on that hill where the tall oaks grow...
Despair slowly exits along with the pain...
And I fade into the day like the whispering rain.
I don't understand
Why it is
I feel the things I feel
I do the things I do
I don't understand
Why it is
You feel the things you feel
You do the things you do
Now, I understand
in the bright light of day you appeared...
a gilded angel with falcon wings,
you rose up out of the desert sands
and your gentle beauty struck me dumb -
sending a tremor through my soul...
marvelling, pretending an air of studied uncaring
i watched you through a veil of wind-blown hair
and tried to ignore the yearning sighs of the
blood in my veins,
and the keening of a heart that was broken -
that, seeing you, healed briefly -
only to fracture again every time you turned away
you were fatal...
i knew this in my marrow, even as i stared,
riveted, at your cherub's innocence,
suffocating, slowly - sweetly -
in the decadent gold-striated hazel of your
you were a killing blow out of the blue,
and once again i was lost...
"angel" i wanted to cry, "angel, ask my name..."
but, naive as Adam, you lost yourself in the bustle
and sand-blasted clamor of your clawed companions...
bereft i hovered, a lonely kestrel riding the chill wind
of your ignorance...
a single tear slid down my cheek;
oh i would have impaled myself on a thousand spears,
if it would only make you run to my side
and scoop me into your bronze embrace
but time slid by and planets shifted -
the day's end drew near...
desert dunes dissolved into the hazy purple of night,
and i was forced to say goodbye;
to pretend love at first sight was just a giddy adolescent joke,
and that your image wasn't tattooed on my heart
in blood and fire...
only then, as my soul swelled with the bitter bile of
disappointment, did you turn and behold
the torment of your beauty written on my face...
boyish, innocent, your eyes clashed with mine -
and melted my core to lava -
and gave my battered heart wings;
clipped wings perhaps, but wings nonetheless...
you smiled, a saccharine-coated admission of acknowledgement,
even as your eyes stabbed cruelly, violated my bruised soul,
and the sun set at your back -
gilding you in demonic flame...
and in a blazing flash, that was it, the die was cast,
reeling, bleeding, i broke our searing gaze;
'angel you may be, my oblivious love,'
i thought as i walked away
'but devil you are for wounding me this way -
and never even knowing my name'
A rodent in the road
Jammed into my tires
As I screeched to a halt,
Then bolted past
Remembering a deer
In the headlights
A victim underneath me
Forever frozen in ice
And slow motioned into
Sleepwalking in my mind
An instant replay triggered
By any myriad of buttons
Pushed at random
An overheard conversation
At the dentist’s office
Sending x-ray recollections
Into forward play and
Changing my breath and
My complexion as I relive
Clawed forever into a brain
Those guilty priests cannot forgive
Even God has allowed me to allow the
Remnants to remain for now
Brushed against my heart
Like orange and purple sunsets
At Palisades Park.
I walk in the rain
In silence I pace
Gaze on the sky like an image
Of reality yet vague …..
Is it just me or us?
Seeking answer from gods
Is it a fantasy or reality?
A glimpse of Siddhartha smile
There is a way….
Its karma to play yet
A must to pay …..
If it’s a poem then am dreamin ….
Underneath it all…
No, not clothe-less—not naked…
Skinless…we’re traveling DEEP within…
Imagine your skull cut…split right in the middle,
Opening up to reveal your AMAZING brain,
As the rest of your body unfolds…
The fancy clothes…the hair…the young or old,
Bones exposed…organs revealed…
The pupils of your eyes growing and receding,
As you look upon yourself…
You don’t know him or her yet…
The blood is spilling freely and you welcome the sensation that you are now experiencing
The heart is rapidly THUMPING from the sudden exposure
Your lungs feel the air on top of it,
The air that it works with every day—suddenly, it is foreign to it…
Teeth chattering, it is raining now…
The water is COLD as hell on Mt. Everest
Mt. Everest is bare…snow-less, compared to your cold, exposed body…
And no oxygen is needed to survive…
The reveling waves of your mind are forming all of these feelings…
You stand there,
Without a blink or blemish,
Staring at you…
There is no thought that you cannot decipher in those inner features…
Your brain is projecting a film in the clouds above you,
As your skull and skinless neck turn upwards toward the heavens!
The fat of your present has melted into the ice…
The guts are not needed for this ride…
No glasses needed either,
No jewelry…no tampons…no knives or guns…
Your eyes only glue themselves subconsciously towards the awe-full projection before you…
Now…NOW you are being introduced to yourself!
Your defensive Alzheimer’s disease is giving you a rest…
You are faced with the pictures of your PAST…
The ugliness…the PAIN—
The excruciating TRUTH that your memory withholds from the rest of the world…
Some even know your secrets…
But they can’t feel it the way YOU feel it—they never will…
The happiness…the comfort…the BEAUTY…
You see it all unfold in a movie,
Sound effects reverberating all around you,
The organs twitching—almost, with a mind of their own, embarrassed…
The lingering sweetness of wine hindering rationale
as lips engage greedily;
heated breath intoxicating drunken senses even further.
Desire for exploration heightens arousal for the taboo ~
revealing an innate urge to satisfy the hunger within.
Casting aside caution in an attempt of sustaining entrancement
enables pursuing flesh to connect in frenzied abandonment;
propelled by an ache for release necessitated by instinct.
And in the aftermath,
chilled by impetuosity still moist from the volume of thirst ~
two souls waiver in the realization of their actions,
as silent tears of ignominy wash blame from their wringing hands....
Snarling contempt hiding behind a warm smile
Your black heart throttles your deception
Words spoken are a poison
Shielding my mind
A current of blood trails your wake
Cracking the mantle
The foundation crumbles
Grey ash billows from the marble
In your summer dress
Now dark stained with the deceit
Decrepit and impotent
Quake at your presence
Necks whiplash in your scorn
All shall flee
All shall fail
My pain is your fuel
The pyre burning strong within me
Lash at me more
Push me away
Blood from the pores
Crying at the past
You built us up
We were to last
The more taken away
Beckons me to remain
The others matter not
It’s for you to say
Sit upon your throne, Empress
The skulls craft your chair
Black veins are your skin’s décor
Your snarl begs for more
Smoke and ash in my vision
The world is smoldering ruin
Cries of the damned excite you
Grip me by my neck
Flames lick our bodies intertwined
Brief flashes of your promise
Shall we burn forever in your reign?
Or should you suffer too;
And writhe in our pain?
No sound at all
This is where you live
No one to talk to
The blackness, engulfing
Smothering the air out of you
In this vast void with lack of light
You are forced to believe
That you see a speck
A tiny green light
Way off in the distance
This blot of light brings so much hope
So many desires
You can hardly breath
Suddenly the light grows larger
You feel elated
No sound at all
Things are back
To the way they will always be
Carcass evens out sand
Skin lands in your hands
Push pass tainted smiles for better lands
When we reach the peak of boiling
and I've sweat out all my provisions
No need to memorize nonsense
in your numbers stead
I will always know your name
And it plays like the knocking of two outside a manger
There is nothing holy here
but lessons taught in down times
And so I practice dance for ballrooms I will never tread
You have never and will never see me
and I'll tell you how it's supposed to go
and you can teach her, them
It's too pretty outside to lose my mind
but you have it
Blow heat on kerosene and burn down your own monument
Left here on the right
All alone on the left
Stuck somewhere in the middle
How can I get on
This world is passing me by
I can’t live in it
I can’t even think in it
A cacophony of sound from every corner
Sterilizing my brain waves
Flat lining my senses
For Christ’s sake
Let me breath
Let me think
Let me be
Swirling, chaotic, unending, torturous, darkness. Black as the deepest black, he sits,
wondering how could she nurture his dark side. This blinding rage that fills his soul, is
so foreign, he’s usually so calm, and collected. But she is starting to damage his calm.
This music isn’t helping, nothing does. It just builds and builds the temperament slowly
getting worse and worse. This poison is killing him, if he doesn’t release it, he will
explode. But where does he turn to let loose the torrential hatred? How can he loose
this torment on others and live with himself. To be or not to be violent, THAT is the
question. Does he continue to proliferate, or does he release upon the masses. Which
is the lesser of two evils, to die from his own abomination, or does he smite those who
Like Sally I sense tragedy’s at hand
For this heart can only sew so much
Until all string is used to the last strand
Hanging dolls staring at my lonesome self
I wish I was more than what they see
If only they’d welcome me on their shelf
My porcelain skin would win over all
Inanimate beings look alive at my face
As I let my angriest plastic tear fall
I can’t be SxTxIxTxCxHxExD this time. . .
I can’t be displayed. . .
I can’t remove the grime
I’ve become the doll
And we all sense the worst
A happy ending for them all
And when they finally welcome me to their shelf
It is empty and caked with dust
Leaving me staring. . . at MxYxSxExLxF
Like Sally I sensed tragedy at hand
But unlike her, that’s how I stay
I stay. I stay. I stay.
SxTxOxP. . .
IxT IxS SxTxAxRxIxNxG AxGxAxIxN. . .
SxHxE WxOxNxT LxExT MxE SxLxExExP
SxHxE HxAxTxExS MxE. . .
they're not speaking to me now, the Muses;
they're being stubborn,
witholding information, like beetle-browed accomplices -
their mouths pulled tight as drawstring purses.
they sit on their twin thrones of epiphany and genius,
mockingly, while my fingers twitch with impotent yearning
and the chambers of my mind are cold,
dark and hollow as a cave.
i have become a contradiction in terms -
the wordless poet strikes again...
writer's block is the yoke around my neck,
the anchor that sends me drifting lachrymose
into the suffocating depths -
i am drowning,
swallowing tendrils of seaweed and tufts of
a struggling artist shouldn't have to work this hard -
to pay the bills yes, but not to create;
without the birthing process there is no artist...
yet there is still hope, a smidgen, a dark smudge on the horizon.
some knight errant might appear, with golden locks
and a smile that trembles the knees,
to inject love and longing back into my sulky heart.
he might extend his brave hand, down into
these murky depths, and yank me up;
dragging my creativity, bedraggled, choking,
retching, into the bleak light of inspiration's flare...
but then again, who believes in knights these days?
i am just as likely to wither away down here,
among the fishes and the wall-eyed anemones,
until the words have all filtered from my brain
and poetry is just a fond memory
from long-ago halcyon days...
Heavy heart weighs me down
Troubles the mind
Obscures clear thought
Turbulent life coexists
Within the realm of the couple
On a plain different
From where love resides
As shattered glass blocks the view
But stays in place
People, too, can be the shards
Left there to block another
Not allowing the vision
The sight of what may be
May the glass fall to the ground
Opening up the skies to those in need
Opening up the horizons
To the blind
May it not cut when falling
For with each piece
Are spoken words
Which draw blood
Heavy heart weighs me down
Troubles the mind
Obscures clear thought
Emotions to fill the vastness of a lake.
I think of you drowning in that lake.
I offer you my hand, and
lacking the courage
of your convictions
you say no.
And you wallow
in your sorrow,
and the banks overflow.
I figured they were kings.
After all what's a king to do
At a party where the guests had
Bad breath and rain splattered invitations.
By the way,
They looked like giants by the mantel.
Swirling a wine glass never
Held a tune quite like this.
I watched a drunk old man
Attempt to swivel his way
Into a date rape drug based teenager.
God bless the man who held his tongue.
God damn that woman by the host
With her cat hair covered Christmas massacre.
She was sweet enough in nature.
I moved back against a table edge
And became a wallflower
With too much lipstick for her skin tone.
After drenching myself with
A shaky glass of gin
I could spot one of the kings devouring a peach
And I could see why the ladies loved him,
And whatever else they did.
So I sat and watched.
I became a queen amidst
A cornucopia of pluots and plums.
I was a gift to the race of men
And a goddess compared to narcotics.
Pleasing was just another hobby of mine.
It goes great with a red dress and whiskey.
my sanity seems to unravel
like frayed shoe-laces on a rainy day
I keep tripping on in the mud
but when I go to tie them
I find myself barefoot
rooted in an unsatiable lust
for something other than reality
a blood-letting of sorts
a scream that dies
before it escapes my throat
my struggle is not one of boredom or regret
rather a confusing mixture
of powders, pills, and mind-control
and some weird state of non-commital emotion
a dark ocean of something mistakenly called
I’ve never really been in control
but I fight with a might that might surpise you
and win most battles and lose most wars
realizing too late that I’m the only one
another day of willing the sun to stay down
to allow me to drown
in a dreamscape of something greater
inhibit my feelings or leave me alone
this is something I’ll always fight
Take my heart, blow my mind.
Throw me down, listen to me whine.
Speed my pulse, flush my face.
Reel me in and off my tracks.
Watch my eyes fade to black.
Tear me up and crush my soul.
Eat my heart out for that is your goal.
Darken the sky and chill my skin.
Make me throb deep within.
Shove my body against a wall.
Agressive, mean, and most dangerous of all.
Get me going with your touch,
Make my blood come out in a rush.
Bruise my skin and slit my wrists.
Make me clench my dirty fists.
Run me over with your madness.
Kill me easy, quick, and painless.
The touch of cold enters my life,
the hands of time move faster
than the speed of light;
the spinning of the world
takes on a new meaning
as I lie awake in the
pitch blackness of the night.
What was, will never be again,
what is to come, still a mystery;
the night pours out of me
in thick droplets of sweat,
covering my shivering body
in a glistening hue of black.
All around is the silence,
except for the pounding of
my bursting heart;
what was real is now gone,
vanished into the darkness...
into the deep, dark crevices of my mind.
The images now distorted
whirl by for the remainder of
the pitch blackness of the night;
surreal is the only word to describe
this trembling, awful night of terror.
"Dream sweet dreams" we tell our children,
but the night can bring horror instead of joy;
"Dream sweet dreams" we tell ourselves,
but we know better than the lie we verse...
much better than the night we curse.
For "Dream Land" contest sponsored by Olajide Adelana.
The Doors Of Fate
What is there to fear?
Hundreds of doors
Each with a different choice
A different fear to face
Darkness and light
Each telling a different tale
Each making you think of what you have done
What you will do
What the universe holds in store for you
Will one choice make you happy?
Will another end your life?
Each one has hope, desperation and death
Yet you do not know which is which
No one will help you choose
Your fate lies within your hands
But you will never know what is coming
What has come before
The doors open and close before you
You stand there and just watch as they choose
And your fates are decided
Get Out of My Face!
What brought all of that on?
Award? This is not a movie!
Who cares about a stupid award?
And how dare you judge me like that?
You must have lost your brains –
Yes, I see them now!
Right in front of your face
Floating around in the bubble
On your head!
And you say you love me.
And since when did this spaceship
Become yours? Get a grip.
You want me off of this rust trap?
Right after you, baby!
Oh, who made you judge and jury?
You do not even know what love is.
You are a suck-up.
But you just lost your brownie points.
Do you call screaming at a cohort?
“Love of humanity”
I see it again!
Grey matter scrambled like eggs. Yum!
I remember when –
You used to eat men alive and brag.
Have you really changed all that much?
You still gloat with words?
Even now, you think you have won.
My dear raging “Power hog”,
Turn the light bulb on…think!
We are in deep space.
What do you think
Will happen to your prize,
If I do get off?
I can see it now.
You, Spaceman of the Year,
Worming your way out of the spot light
When T.S. asks you,
That cute Elaine Justice disappeared?”
Um, well, a…she left the ship.
And why was that?
Imagine stumbling your egocentric-self
Right out of your award.
Genuinely, who really cares?
Not I! Said the woman
That still had her brains.
It is time for you to get off.
Love of humanity, or me for that matter,
Is something you know nothing
About…Now, get out of my face!
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 20, 2010
Poetic form: Free Verse
The screams so loud
That within their distance
People stand and cry
But the tears and screams
The impact of the punch
A crater on a child's life
People shake their heads
But the punch and judgement
Torn apart in invisible times
Not knowing where to turn
To escape what so many choose not to see
Sleeping in invisible arms
Where invisible child is desperate to sleep tonight
Only when they put a tiny body into a sack
The tape rings the place where at
All that was invisible before
Suddenly becomes a cause
Invisible the bruises that grew with the tears
The fractured bones
That lay alone
The childhood crushed
All the hatred that bleeds
Those lost forever in the scream
All those who beg to forget
For all that others could not see
To become invisible
What is man that he should make much of his years though they bend him like a heavy snow? - Black Elk
As we look back
through the prism
we have built
we take not of what
happened before darkness
ends the tale forever
Catching a glimpse
of almost - forgotten years
which have passed quickly,
waves striking an ever changing shoreline
As we gaze through this
we take note of
We've learned much
in the crucible of experience
An uneasy time
Letting the vapors of night
we find that shadows
speak for themselves
something within us
still dares to ask
questions with no answers
I hear you in your room
The words he shouts are unclear
But I hear every tear that escapes your eyes
I feel every tear that is replaced inside
I hear you calling out
Begging for him to stop
I'm frozen with fear
Picture clear what he's doing to you
What he's done to me
The sound of every time he hits you
Bruises deeper than the skin
I hear a smash and know
He's vindictively broken something you love
Stinging more than his punch
Children no longer allowed to talk
Fearing a beating for simply looking at each other
Now it seems clear why he kept us separate
Suffering in our solitude
Though for me yours will always be..
When you said to me
Your childhood ended
When you were ten
When Dad died and we moved in with him
Where you summed up our childhood
In words so powerful in their few
Knowing that your sad
Knowing that your crying
Knowing you can't forget
Knowing you feel what I feel
Knowing so much of what he did to you
The guilt for not being able to help you
Then, now, always.
The Chasm Of Depression And Death
Screams heard in the far off distance
Tales of pain and horror
Echoing through the night
They call for a hope that is never to come
Their calls fall on deaf ears of those who went before
The light from the distant blood red moon is dim in lost chasm
Unable to show what the night has hidden
Depression and thoughts of death fill the air
Young people die by their own hands
One useless suicide after another
Their futures destroyed while their screams go unanswered
Hope hides on the edge of the valley
Just out of reach and so far out of their dreams
It waits for someone to find it
Wanting to reach down to help
It starves from the lack of attention
Young people dying in a chasm of depression and death
Never giving life or hope a chance
Never looking to the heavens
Never finding what they should have seen all along
If only someone, somewhere would have said something
Made them look harder at the edge of the chasm
Maybe it could have saved just one life
Then another and another until the chasm closed
And no other young person would fall into its depths
Slice me with your tongue
Razor blade wounds
To suck out all my poisons
Sweet lonely lullaby
Accusing eyes of sodomy
Picture perfect prodigy
My deadly sin
A bitter taste of arson
Burning in my organ
Your the pyre that burns away my mortality
A sip of tea made from Lilly of the Valley
A shadow of death stalking with
Odd angel like wings
A numbing kiss
Like downing in morphine
Sweet arms to rest in
Till my vision no longer holds
eyes neither like hell nor heaven
That drip of drugs into your system
Intoxicated blood stream
Id rather not dream
And instead get lost within your paralyzing -
Your paralyzing - brain lapse - your moving too fast
Stay slow and dreamy
Dancing silhouette like a burning
Forest fire, pain throughout my veins
Ravishing and beautiful
A voice torn from my throat
dying joyful with my last vision being you
His portrait on the knave-
defining royalty, a smile aglow
Bestowing a brush to the paper lips
Leadeth my knees to collapse, a kneel
Feet chained to his heart, eyes in eclipse
A combusting irritation to the feel
Rouge chaps his glass cheek-
Crows whirring in his eyes extend
A smile grim, tapestry lips,
kissed a red thousand.
Thy lips hath burnt mine-
defriends my patience,
beheads my mind.
If my jar of tears is full,
Does that mean I won’t cry anymore?
If I’m already broken in a million pieces,
Does that mean I can no longer break?
If I stick the knife far enough in,
Will I become numb to the pain?
If I bleed until I bleed out,
Does that mean they can no longer hurt me?
If my ears become deaf to their words,
Will I never again have them scar me?
If my skin continues to grow thicker,
Will one day I no longer care?
And if I no longer care,
Does that mean I’ll survive?
No more than 12 years old
Sees images of women
She looks in the mirror
She doesn't see the image
Her body doesn't fit the mold
Movies, TV and magazines
Tell her she is not what they want
She is not thin
She is not beautiful
Everyday her eyes cry as she looks at who she is
The perfect her hidden within
The beautiful soul they will not let her see
Still she does not fit the mold
She feels unloved
Eating less than a cracker a day
Throwing up the scant food she eats
Her body changes
They make her up
She wears a beautiful white dress
They close the lid
Denied the perfect her
The person she should have been
She lies in eternal rest
But she is loved
She is wanted
She will be missed
Flowers of many kinds
Fill an untouched field
Bees and birds fly between their petals
Living a blissful life
Dew settles on each petal
Shimmering like nature’s diamonds
Reflecting dawn’s light into tiny rainbows
It is the beauty that only nature can create
Man doesn’t see the beauty
If he does he just doesn’t care
He comes in
Plows everything down
Covering over every plant
Blackness is the new color
The bees and birds leave for new homes
The sweet smell of the flowers
Replaced with the bitter scent of petrol
Cars replace the beauty
And the flowers are gone forever
I down poison and sleep for days
trying to take the heart ache away
I swallow rasorblades to take the headaches away
but nothing matters its always the same
what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger
liar liar pants on fire!!!!
Overdosed and dieing
survived it and now paying with liver damage and internal bleeding
The car crash of the drunk driver
nail biting aftermath
and another reason to go out and party
for the celebration
of the alcoholic
who just took the life of his best friend
I'm the victom
I'm the victom
I'm the victom he says
but low and behold the survivors in the other vehicle
stronger than ever
all crippled and in wheel chairs
they should really thank the drunk driver and condemn
all the hippocrits who know nothing of survival
so here i am
wishing to be more strong
why bother to exercise
they surely have it all wrong
why pay attention to science any way
all those cliches can tell you about apples and sunshine
but we know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
so i think I'll cut off my leg
go play in traffic
or fight the wars by doing too much drugs
the place inside the fire can tell you
what doesn't kill you will only make you strong
A second lease on life
a new found reason to get up and go
and find god and praise life
and all the things i should have done
and all the newfound glorious reasons to cry
why oh why oh why oh why
thank you lord thank you Jesus
thank you wars thank you liars thank you lies
thank you doctors thank you poets
thank you psychologists
thank you preachers for truly understanding an age old cliche
I'll peel off this apple to keep the doctor away throw out the core
if it doesn't kill me
I'm probably just weak
and after all the rehabilitation and speach therapy i still don't feel like me
I set fire to the caskets of your ever-burning shame
Crossing lines that were smothered in yesterday’s rain
Holding onto words that scorch my spirits
My happiness to you living hell
Pulling me apart, smothering me
Telling me you love me but not showing me
You are like the first Twin Tower that fell,
Shattered and torn by foreign enemies
And I am soon the next to fall…
By the remnants of your grimace-laced tantrums
Shackled by your negativity
It is a wonder one can sleep at night
Feeling the dampness of self-pity you wallow in
Comparing and despairing… always comparing
I thought I knew you like a favorite subject
I thought I could be myself
But everything that is me is shredding you to tears
And I sigh, ached by your fears
Burying my talents so that you may stand tall
So that you can shine in the glimmers
Of my poignant fall of sobs and shivers
I lose everything in the wasteland of your dots
Quiet descention weighing the worries
Keeping them down and in a flurry
Crawling around me, feeding the decay
To never hear the voice behind those words
I love you… I LOVE YOU…
I scarcely know you
Kiss my shards that have once been whole
Cradle industrial waste because I can no longer taste
The tears you shed that are too fast for me to wipe
Burying me against the sharp rocks tonight
And you run away…you always run
That is all we ever do, you see
I am a happy person,
A content as ever being inspired by the galaxies surrounding me
Exhaling the laughter of my comrades
But there… in some dark distance…
I hear the high-pitched frequency of your tidal waves of envy
You can have my world…
You can have my fame…
I am heading to space,
Where I may find solace alone
And for once taste
Freedom from your stark embrace
Wanting me for yourself to fill in your space
Have you ever stopped to wonder why I am still around?
I care for you beyond light and sound
But ever for that—you hated, jeered and spat
Crumbled as you play the victim
Becoming an enemy I can only learn to love
So I hand this world to you
Where both of us have fallen
You can have my world—my words
But you cannot have me…..
-June 2, 2014-
I focus on things
that make me hate your face.
Maybe then the pain will fade.
I know deep inside
I care about your life,
but right now I just want to forget.
You don't understand,
how you've pierced my heart.
I wish I could say
it will just go away,
but the blade cut too deep.
I feel the blood,
it trickles down my chest,
and it draws me to my knees.
I fall to the floor,
pray it will all finish now,
maybe this pain will finally be undone.
Drowning in that lie
That liquid that betrays
Color of the amber sun
Whispered to be the Gods drink
Too potent for mortal blood
Consumed by Spartan Violence
Wallowing in misery
Control was never grasped
Only an illusion of the polluted mind
No oracle would praise
or promise drink
Until the end of the days
Consumed by that image
Wavering before bloodshot eyes
Hephaestus slamming his hammer
Into the sides of a mortals cranium
Bruised knuckles on a hand
The amber lies of the God's entertainment
One sip that brings instead of light
I wanted to forget you and forgive…
But the days
Never passed fast enough!
Of pain and misery
That only made me feel
So sorry for this
Sorrowful self of mine…
I guess I never really moved on.
I know we still talk,
But it’s never quite the same!
Going back now
Seems like certain death!
… Perhaps that is the best option:
Going back each night,
In my thoughts,
So I could die some more
With every tear I shed.
But I admit it now:
There is no love for my kind!
© 2009 Stefania Carmen Misaila
A Single Tear
Trying to hold it back
It is too hard especially with a broken heart
A single tear flows down my cheek
Telling the world of my sadness
What mistakes I made
Ones that I cannot change
Words I said
Others I should have said
Yet others I could have said but didn’t
Raging in my memory
They tear at my soul
Trying to escape to release the pain
Years, decades they try while they rip me apart
Finally every words is released
Not in a flood
Not in a torrent
But in a single tear flowing down my cheek.
Well it's sad to say, that this ugly duckling
never grew into anything more than an ugly duck
I'm working through the night
so I won't fall asleep
for every time I do,
into my dreams you seep
the one that broke my heart
the one that saw me feel
the only one I love
the one that was too real.
I'll concentrate on life
without it's summer days,
the winter in my heart,
beats sunburn on my face.
The cold wont reach my skin,
the sunny smile prevails,
it hides from all the world
my blackend, charred remains.
You'll never see me hurt,
I'm much too proud for pain,
I'd rather die inside,
Then let you know you've maimed.
the delicacy of friendship
I found you in the flowers
Standing tall we become one
Looking down from gangly towers
Squash, you burn, you pillage, son.
Follow me you say in tongues
Thy shallow mind reveal me tell
Whisper lies clean load the guns
I feel the burn I rot in hell
Friend folly menacing the liar
I loathe this coffin how it leaks
Dear foe you raped me set on fire
The onion peal itself and weeps
dear monkey boy
Older eyes eat themselves,
glance and kill the other
Unified in the dance,
they steer the musty rudder.
Pained and sweeter deeper wells,
poised buckets drunk with water.
Singled out the one that dried,
handed weights to pull him under.
Wiser times capture the mind,
death justifies dishonor.
Knife slice neat through the devil's back,
who stares blank and milks the udder.
Inside this box
Goodbye tempestuous fall
My puppet of steel coiled thread
Smashed buttons and twisted dread,
Alarm these doors, and
Escape this delusive bunker bed
Stamp the spiders
Thief, vulture of the deflection
The mocking patron of the sinners
Erase this affliction
Relating inward at the reflection
Rise you fool
i love you
close the grip
cinched hematic grip
seeking the sheave
becoming the counterweight
i absorb, now
extracting the heat
rise like a phoenix
away to be gone to be free
fix me! i have fixed me
i am alive and i love you
Abolish her state of disrepair
Scattered, spattered drippy thoughts
All around this box of soused leaves
Soak, ferment in the faith of our love
I can't fix this, you know
I loathe this misunderstanding
Of what I am speaking, projecting
To me, Aye Damager, to you
This devil in me
turned and twisted
A wrecked elevator in rejection
Years locked painfully aware
Fickle Art and control Freaky
Don't play well together
Tolerance was not accepted
'Cause he wore pink shoes
Cross the street each day at the same intersection
Fickle Art and control freaky but the road was not
And never could be big enough for these two to share
Time square and Big Ben don't speak the same lingo
Don't hold the same values to be sacred
Dust will blow and dust will go
Huff and puff, back to the dust
Medical examiner what stopped his heart?
Lack of tidal volume, puffed too long
Collapsed a lung...Fire up the crematory
Is it dusty in here?
***Artist note: Ever get tired of the windbags can't let you live your life and them theirs? I sure do.
Have you ever had a dream
A dream where your own blood fell upon blue roses
And you fell through the ground as petals floated on the wind
Tangling in your hair
Red and blue rotting jewels
The thick smell of old blood at the bottom of your own well
A dream where your heart felt the impact before the rest of you
And stopped for just a moment
Cold in your chest with the realization of death
And woke up
And then you cried
It didn’t change your life or the way you acted
It did not make you stop your closed door ritual
Or throw your kit away
It scared you so bad, and yet
You never told another soul about your dream
Or what lies just beneath you tattered sleeves and ragged jeans
You want and do not want to be saved, for someone to know
Have you ever lived a nightmare
You didn’t know how to escape?
I can't remember if the sun was shining
Or if the clouds looked down on me as I stood
A child of ten standing on a window sill
Whispering to himself he should
It started shortly after I woke
Distant where the trigger was
I'm guessing just the overflow
of everything they did and said
Finally ground down by all around
And though I'd fought for years
Death becomes a friend
When she's the only one there for you
Knowing I would soon be in the playground
Where no nurse could make better the names they cruelled
Knowing my mothers boyfriend was down stairs
Waiting for his latest vile whim to unfold
My mind consumed by every name called
I was not the same they proved
Alone in my crowded thoughts
T o death I looked for belonging
As I dressed my imagination dreamt
What could happen today?
Exploding into the unknown
My strength rapidly dissolved
I could see no directions
that didn't lead to another painful day
As my journey to the end begun
All they told me loading the gun
All that made me different from
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge of no return
In front of the mirror I stood
Cut off my curly hair
No longer the golliwog
That their taunts would compare
I covered my skin in talcum powder
As I didn't want to be
That horrible thick coon
he always called me.
My hair a mess
My colour unmasked
Tired, Frightened, alone,
I decided enough, enough
Standing on the window sill
The last bastion for survival colliding inside
As the exhausted wishes to hang on
Were overcome by the desperation to escape this hollow excuse for life
No single tear a cry for help
As id learnt they choose not to hear
I urge myself towards an end to the hurt
where the crying would clear
As I engulf my mind in my final moments
And call for death to take my hand
From across the road a woman called
To this day she probably doesn't know she saved my life
Created rivers down talcum powdered cheeks
But my mother didn't laugh
when she found me
I guess that's where you'd expect everything to be made right
I guess that's where I learnt to no longer believe
Through every promising word in the wake of what could
They didn't do what they should
You’re my star – I set fire to our firey rose
Bouquet of stars – I hand to you –
We’re opposites, like poetry and prose
You came out of the blue, I’m left without a clue!
It all came so soon – the package of surprises
All along, you were echoing your leave
Anybody out there to help me? Hello? I can’t hear your echo
Your echo is what keeps me on my feet
I’m a believer…I’m getting discreet
Around and round and round,
We’re going round in circles
We’re doing freestyle singing
Swinging side by side…back and forth,
Our fate keeps on swinging…
Who will fill in the gaps?
I never saw the light in goodbye…
I’m caving in my ruins…I’m caving in my ruins
I admit it – I can’t live without you,
Lingering around me like a fly, enchanted by the lightbulb
What am I supposed to do with this work of art?
I’ve stumbled upon you and fell in love with you
But, I’m lost in paradise – dropping levels – there’s mistakes we can’t undo
There’s no perfect peace with the world falling at the seams, kissing the debris,
Screwing with my head…you won’t ever see a trace of tears on my face – I’m left to be
All alone, all along…but without you, I’m stranded in the wilderness…
Giving me night-scares instead of dreams of reality
I can’t hear your echo of empathy…I can hear chaos unraveling;
I can hear the commotion of the ocean
Falling victim to bittersweet emotion
I can’t hear your echo of empathy…I can barely make out any hope in store
I miss living my dream! I keep tell you that! – and all you do is ignore
I’m on edge and I get upset and cry my eyes out
No one can love this monster, but I won’t accept such foolishness
I strayed from my heart’s passion and I got all the symptoms
Of a guy with a solitary, silver soul….you stole my dignity
My pride, my surreal sensations, my innocence
Don’t dismiss me as nonsense
Echo your empathy…
I’m brokenhearted, but I won’t reveal it to you – you never felt for me
So, don’t even bother to ask me why I’m crying?
’Cause I’ll never give you the full truth
Almost all my life,
I’ve been searching for the woman I love…and to find my heart’s tune
But, love didn’t seem like enough – good luck will shower upon me soon
You and I will view the astounding full moon…
Find your way out of the maze of bewilderment
I’m treading this rocky road with or without you – I can’t stand tall
You are playing games with me, nourishing my resentment
I’m swimming home – underneath the surface, feeling oh so blue
Feeling the rejection…the jaded corruption banging at my skull
I heard you screaming out my name
Are you echoing your praise to me?
Are you covering up my shame?
Are you echoing my empathy?
Echo your empathy… my delightful dolphin in the sea
I’m screaming at the top of my lungs
When I close my eyes, everything seems so fine
Is my love good enough for you?
I can hear you echo your empathy
My voice is fading and dying out, but you’re my baby…
My darling angelic friend of mine
Our friendship mixed with love is as succulent as wine
Listen to my echoes of my appreciation towards you
I could make out your echo of empathy
Echo your empathy of ecstasy!
Give me your all…whisper in my ears
I’ve been lost for many-a-years
Come out of your black hole and resuce from my demise
Echo your empathy upon me if can be so kind and wise
Pursue our zealous goals and we’ll echo our triumph
I don’t wanna bleed without you
I don’t wanna breathe without you
I wanna see your face, glistening with grace
Gleaming with grace and I feel like I can beat this race
I feel so alive for the first time in a lifetime
For the first time in forever, you make me feel happy and oh so sublime
Our exaltation is beyond amazing… I can’t get yah out of my head
You’re my lullaby – I set fire to the pitch-black sky and I ascend so wondrously
The firey rose – I give it to you – it’s a gift that’s articulate and almost flawless
You blossomed like a precious rose in the Garden of Glory
We’re opposites, like black and white, but you and I will never kiss the abyss
Echo your empathy…my munificent maid! You’ve grown so much, miss!
I can’t put my mind to bed…it’s racing with thoughts of you always and forever
It’s racing with thoughts, blooming so true
Echo your words of wisdom and hide not in shadows anymore (your hope’s a blur) –
Come out of your shell and stop being so insecure
Echo your empathy and you’ll be part of my crew
Leads an eager man to a cab beyond the door of drunken rants and soaked
His lucky day it seems....his lucky day.
A kiss she lends with no resistance distracts them from the headlights that
follow in the distance.
Once oblivious to her ways watches as they stumble.
He knows now the answer of his questions....He had hoped them different.
Vengeance rules him.
Fumble with keys amid passion and desire.
The door opens and she leads to a bed secretly shared with another.
His lucky day!
"what was that sound?"
Burns slowly in the corner.
A man, a weapon, a hateful heart.
He tries to explain.
People ask me why I wear black
And bitterly I shall snap back
Lack of color helps me conceal
How it is I truly feel
A colorless life, harsh situations
But no fear of implications
There is no color, can be no blame
I can hide in the dark, free from shame
Colors only distract attention
From the reality, the pure intention
I am broken, I am insane
I feel a never ending pain
Now I ask you, go away
So I can cry another day
Another day of hurt and sorrow
An endless day, awaits tomorrow
Whispered words curl greedily around my soul,
slipping slyly from your poisoned lips,
enveloping my being in your deception.
Delicately promising a love of pure decadence,
yet each word is laced with intricate malice,
barbed wire hatred masquerading as rose petals.
Caught in webs of your lies,
silently pleading for insanity's solitude,
as I languish in your core of glass.
If I were a word,
I'd be on the point of Sharon's pen...
If I were a poem,
The young one would have penned me...
If I needed to show my heart,
I guess I would be me,
If I were to lay down wisdom,
I'd be John, Vince, Ruby, Christy, Maya
But, I wouldn't be me....
If I awoke in the middle of the night,
Wrapped in fear and uncertainty,....
I would be Tom Bell again,....
In desperate need of a friend...
If I have offended, I will volunteer
To cut off the offensive part...
If someone will remember me...
Somewhere down the road...
If I can create a smile,
or a wondrous thought,
I will have exceeded my aspirations
As a person, though never quite a farah chammah,
I will see the sun rise, I will see the sun sink...
I will pray for my fellow man,
Regardless of what others may think....
One life to live?
Nonsense, the Hindus got it right,
The cycle is repeated,
Until we see the light...
Yet the light is here at Soup,
It shines so bright that it could blind,
But blind most of us are,
We keep a closed up mind...
Lives end, lives begin...
They are virtually the same...
God kisses each of us,
And grants us a special name...
But time is oblivious to all this,
It has it's own agenda,
And we are powerless to influence it,
There are higher powers we'll never understand...
But the power of our words lives on...
That power will never end.
Color me pretty
The way that you see me but not
The way I see myself
Wash me pure
The way you look at me
With eyes of unconditional love
You overlook my indiscretions
Judgment you never pass
Acceptance is all you offer
You make me a better me
Dream me in black and white
Like old time photographs
Jagged with time
To preserve the image that you hold of me
Paint me in red
The sweet blood that I left behind
Etching my name in the grain of eternity
So as to never be forgotten
Burn me into ashes
Let me dance on the winds of tomorrow
To feel the freedom
The release from my personal hell
As I soar across the sky of time
Crying into my pillow each night
Tears for a sorrow that burns like an acid
Eating it’s way through my senses..through my soul.
The pain sears through me like burning coals
Hard to get my mind clear and rational
To put those things into perspective..
Or so I am told by well-meaning others who do not know,
The suffering of my existence; my inability to cope
My head throbs in almost a familiar rhythm
A melody of self-pity, for regret, for salvation
And the tears, still flowing, now echoed with muffled sobs
For the agony is nearly more than I can withstand
I pray to a God I do not know, nor care to
But no one else is there to listen to my pleas for comfort
To make right all those mistakes
As there are so many choices and I haven made the wrong ones
So the God I do not acknowledge, lies silent in the stillness
And the burning within begins to subside
As grateful sleep falls upon me at last
Until another night comes, and the thoughts begin again
In the evening of my anger,
My blood has boiled to scorch,
The Ravens voice is rhetorical unto my answers
The clock will chime until it has ticked me off
The Shadows continue to play wild games;
Of dark and trickery,
Wrathful, like a widowed soul,
Lost to all bewitching madness,
Scraping at the walls, for their true identity,
Yes I believe they can talk,
They have told the many secrets,
I'm forced to speak of now,
In this house,
Chandeliers are hung like the victims of loneliness,
Shining bright at a flickers chance,
Royal paintings adorned throughout halls,
Showing solemn ancestors, burning my heart
With their wicked eyes,
Into my bedroom, where the sheets
Cut squarely against my skin;
Causing yet another irritating chafe,
Rubbing until my flesh falls off with a toss
Of the covers
Trapped by my house of anger!
It is a house
That was once a home.
Now with its eyes boarded up,
It has lost its heartbeat.
No longer does he hear
Her faltering fumbling with the key
When he has to visit.
Guilty memories are buried deep
Within him,just like his mother.
His sister tearfully packed the boxes,
Precious few treasures
Consigned to cheap oblivion.
Soon will arrive the house clearance people,
The necessary hyenas of a crowded modern life,
To leave no trace of her story
Save the little blot
On the third step of the stairs.
A hopeless case
Vanished without a trace
Mired in despair
Tearing out fistfuls of her hair
Trapped in solitude
Hoping for a pitying hand
To raise her up and help her stand
Desperate, on edge
Whirling this way and that
Like a hissing wild cat
An unbroken horse
No kindness, no softness
Her spirit so unyielding and coarse
Is there any hope for her now?
To whom can she turn?
Who would want this rebel child...?
Who can lure her in from the wilds?
Perhaps there is nothing left for this witch
But the muzzle of a gun,
Pressed to her cheek,
The squeeze of a trigger
So obliging and meek
And the crack of the bullet
Splintering her skull
The closing eyes
The graceful fall
The bloody bittersweet end of it all
Just a sniff or a whiff
soothes the soul,
a kiss of the syringe
fills with peace and joy
so great alas! Temporary.
Oh! what many'd give
to soar on wings eagle's
and to the highest peaks climb
amidst tunes angelic.
But many a soul oft shatter
under its grip inexorable,
bound in chains and iron fetters
to a sniff, whiff and
oh! A kiss of the syringe.
They sit back and fantasize,
but the Peace they seek
is naught but an illusion,
a dream they chase and ne'er get
till they bid the world goodbye!
Hello loneliness it's me, I called but no answer, makes me think your avoiding me
I saw your friend regret the other day and she said you were doing awful, She said you
had gotten down and out because many people, have forgotten how good you can make them feel
They have forgotten, just how bitter-sweet your presence delegates them
Hey! Loneliness? what time is it in denial? I just thought I would tell you, I haven't
I will always remember cold and hot days when a wall to a closet I was hiding, was a gift
Oh! and don't think I forgot how you stayed with me and talked me through the slices on my arm
I couldn't have carried that out without you, You made me see that nobody will be around
I cut so deep that for a second I was wishing to see the color blood bones makes, sounds
Just like me, I'm unhealthy in fits of rage but oh! I know that's just you morphing into
Do you remember also, when I called out names of those who said they cared?
Me neither never met them before but if you see them, tell em' I cry by blood and mark by
I shoot like bullets, I hurt like broken, But don't you see? This is the price I pay for
The Jester puts on her smile,
Plastered to her make-up smeared face.
Bright lights blind her empty eyes.
She can see no one in the crowd.
Inside her mind,
She screams for release.
Twisting the head off her doll,
Blood runs down her cheeks.
Her hands gripped tightly around the neck of the doll,
She pulls as hard as she can.
No one’s around for miles;
They left her to die.
Smiles and laughs surround her,
Taunting her every move.
They tease and mock her,
Pointing out flaws.
How her hair sticks out;
How her tooth has a chip in it.
Her eyes go dark as she wishes them death.
Under her breath she curses.
They will never lead happy lives.
They will know what it’s like being a puppet.
Just a toy in a closet,
Thrown around like nothing.
She wants to rip them all apart,
Limb by limb till there’s nothing left.
In her mind she makes up stories.
Stories where she’s no longer the jester,
No longer do they laugh at her.
With bloodshot eyes,
She cranes her neck to the sky.
Her screams echo through the stadium,
Reverberating off the walls,
Bouncing back to her ears,
Killing everything in its path.
She falls to the ground in a puff of dirt.
When it clears,
The Jester is nowhere to be found.
Smart within your Sunday best
You stand before your sisters and brethren
The eyes of three generations hold you
One pair of eyes sees a pious man
One pair of eyes sees a lover
One pair of eyes sees a secret father
One pair of eyes is too weak to see
Six pairs of eyes have been sold a lie
And the sea of eyes in the shadows beyond
Choose to see nothing
lost in a kingdom
with no high walls
no buildings (exist here)
ears oblivious to
the words flickering
like the destination board
at the railway station
the page waiting
where this train of thought
what is that noise? (crying)
why are my (reflex) memories
making me feel anxious?
the taste of pain
make myself small
do nothing to sustain
the berserker’s fit
tidy the room
clean the damage (memory)
bury the pain
hide from this world
back to the kingdom
the destination board reads
I wish I had the video
of all your mental pictures
so I could see what that night
looked like, where he
touched you and why
you let him in…
I want to watch the whole
damn thing, shades drawn,
sitting on the couch
with only a box of Kleenex –
I heard the ending
is a real tear-jerker.
Knowing me, I’d watch it
over and over
you said yes,
trying to read
the eyes that now
At night the city is full of bones
Are very dry
Beneath the trample of urban feet
They are ground
But to live, these dry bones
Must drink words
Sad nervous me, I stammer
Against those arid limbs
Grinding bone-dust songs
Into scattered fragments spun from raging blades
But realizing so many so, I sputter
Thought-hacked soul-flakes, soaring
Crooked in an angry wind. . .
Though stinted, inconsiderable, I say them
Spit them down the papered street
Into a shadow where the dew will stay
And some anonymous day some
Stray seed will grow on them
And suckle upon a speck of misty bone
And though the nights will continue
To align the humps of an un-slaked dune
Something out of this sand will rise
Small, and secretly original
And I will be part of her:
my bony, blue, and sensual city
Wake up a little earlier; another troubled night
But the remnants of pre-birthday make-up still do their job remarkably
Smile for the camera; these pictures are keepers, so realistically modelled for
Thank yous for unthoughtful offerings; why hurt feelings after all?
A dozen friends all come along; it's not their scene but they want to please me
Can't look over there, have to be the last to go through the door
They're trying so hard, all their love gathering on my windowsill
Some cards handmade with heartfelt affection, gifts so vague and cliched, more
roses than I could care for
And your dusty eyes still staring through them all from behind the frame
Complete the scene as my headstone
Couldn't have slept at all
Excitedly imagining what you were planning
Warm in your jacket you gave me to sleep in
Wouldn't lift or lower my foolish head
Jitters looking forward to you
Flash could've gone off but we wouldn't notice
Shroud me with your words, promises you could not keep
All the guests combined; a less than you companion
I wonder why we couldn't make it through?
And I'd never had to say goodbye 'til the day that I met you
All that I'd got for we pushed them all out
And I didn't miss them.
Didn't miss them.
Why are you still asking after me?
How do you still reach into my eyes
Before I turn away?
What happened to let us get like this and tell me
When can it end?
How is it I want it to stay?
Though there's a soft spot for you in my heart and you're
Slowly seeping out
Frozen as this face remains
Breaking when I'm forced to recall
I'm 18 and you're not here
But she passed on your message for me
And in those obligated words it all crashes back
I'll keep all our secrets and ignore all the rest
The world we made and left to decay
Keeps me smiling for every wasted day.
eyes, suddenly open
in the night (mine)
panting, sweating (me)
I bleed some words onto a page
how do they feel?
what are they trying
to say? (to you)
what do they want?
I sleep again
flashing through my
maybe these thoughts are
is a dream a wish?
a thought an action?
I must have slept
for it is morning now
and I am calm
the page looks at me
I ignore it
it wants too much of me
but don’t they know that
I love them?
I sweat over them
I want them to be quiet
I want them to grow up
I can ignore the screams
I carry the page
to my desk
and consume its patterns
is it happy?
does it need feeding
or is it replete?
another word drips unbidden
to the page
to fall among its
is it happy with where
I put it?
has the page
it seems so, because
the weight and shape
the page has stopped
its incessant noise
and the words have
but when I read it
does it say
what I wanted?
(to you, to me)
I manipulate summer skin.
You sleep a bitter symphony
Of languid purple vision
As men tongue at black eternity.
Love me if it is frantic and repulsive
For a thousand white milk rains.
My ugly shadow lake boy
Of the luscious chocolate garden
Will whisper through a gorgeous storm
Only to stare at death heave above him.
This girl is not like a sea of power.
No void to recall your bare pink woman.
Our enormous bed has honey lather
To produce lazy love at his place.
Urge me to see a goddess in worship
But please, let it be easy.
Stuck. Glued. Skewed.
devoted to devotion
dedicated to dancing
on a string
threw away the safety net
to take the chance on
give me a reason
to be here
When did things change?
When did we stop imagining?
When we were young we believed in dragons, witches, gnomes and trolls
Nights were spent under a blanket
We read of princesses and heroes
In our mind we were there
We helped free the woman in danger
We slew the dragons
But we knew they would come back the next night
Always wanting another fight
Witches cast their spells on us
Somehow we knew that we changed
No one ever noticed, but we knew
That spell written in the book was meant for us
But in the morning we were the same.
We walked through the woods
Every bridge had creaks and groans
We knew that a troll was beneath waiting to jump
But we always made it to the other side
Safe for now, or at least until we walked home.
When did we lose that life?
When did we stop imagining?
Maybe it was part of growing up?
We don't want to think that Sleeping Beauty and Snow White may be real
Maybe, just maybe, we are their fairy tale.
If I could catch the world in a bottle
Would it be worth having?
It would hold hopes and dreams
Shared by billions of souls
All of the love ever shared would be locked away
Protected from those who wish to end it
People would life their lives
Not knowing that they are sheltered
Maybe if they knew they wouldn’t care
I would never know
Looking from the outside I could only watch
Alone, separated by a thin wall of glass
I could only watch as others met and fall in love
Starting their own families they thrived
They became happy and grew
While I could only watch
Holding the world in a bottle
When all the delicate words are gone,
and all the subtle innuendoes have been written,
and my polite stance is overcome by passion;
patience ended by passion,
all that's left for me to say,
is "I want you".
"I love you"
"I want to kiss you".
"I want to make love with you, now".
I just cannot continue
my lattice work of words.
Unrequitted love has finally taken me down,
end of story.
The collision of my feelings,
And the confrontation of words,
All the lies…
Hatred, hate, all the hate,
Drown in my pain,
Until you suffocate,
And free yourself from me,
To free me,
A million words burn in me,
A thousand screams call for freedom,
But my soul is abandoned
In the void,
Let me fade away,
Let me turn into black,
Let me dissolve into nothing,
To free me from myself,
Free my fearful heart,
And take me away,
Let these words stop:
Break the chain of eternity,
Kill the immortality of my torment,
Let my blood flow in my veins,
And let the air circulate
In and out of my body,
I hate life,
I hate me,
Hate, hate, hate,
“Hate , hate , hate”
I woke up saying,
With the letters,
“H” “A” “T” “E”
Sliding between my lips,
I cried loudly,
For I felt it,
I felt the hate,
Conceal all my feelings;
I felt it make me grab a knife…
I stabbed myself!
I stabbed my heart…it made me stab myself…
Just to free itself from me,
And to free me,
He looks outside the window of the moving train,
Watching the dripping pattern,
Made by the drops of rain,
His mind far away from the present happenings.
His eyebrows twitch,
As he wonders how he is going to drop the news,
To his expectant wife,
And four little kids.
Retrenchment till further notice...
She sits at that bench in the middle of the park,
Staring into space,
The wind blows strands of misplaced hair into her face,
She tries weighing alternatives,
Their pros and cons,
Let the cat out of the bag,
And possibly end two lives,
Or simply get rid of the developing one,
And save her own...
Carefully and tactfully engraved,
On that wood stamp,
He swings on his chair,
Enjoying the dizziness that comes with it,
Because for a minute or two,
It takes his mind from all his worries and care,
But fantasy doesn't last long,
And he is back to reality.
His status and wealth,
Couldn't do much for him,
He wishes he could turn back time...
We are lost in our own jungle of worries,
Either that or this,
Where to get money, love, food, shelter,
What to tell him or her,
How to change our weight,
Complaining why things don't go our way,
Forgetting someone somewhere,
Wishes to be in our shoes,
Because their own situation,
Is way worse...
And from up above He looks,
The only thing in His mind...us,
Wondering why we couldn't simply trust,
At his feet our burdens lay,
Forget what others will say,
Ask for His help...control,
And in His presence choose to stay,
He could do anything for us,
We just have to ask...
There is no other way...
once upon a time in a dream
where angels sang
and men with wings and horns fought
and mountains followed you in anger
I saw your face
and in a maze of solitude fright invades
and voices speak but never heard
I find myself among the stars
and vivid is your face
that lingers on
and in this time of flight suspended in
perpetual animation sensations of
ecstasy flirts with me
panic captures me I sink in the clutches
of a darkened sky
where this mirage is a reflection of my life
as this oppression consumes me
I arrive at a place where time is no more
and tranquility it’s essence
I touch you and you are real
and at the acme of this excitement
as the revelation of my manhood
escape the confines of a frightful rapture
and your face lingers on
escape the confines of a frightful rapture
and your face lingers on
Earl S. Jackson
Copyright © 2006 Earl S. Jackson, all rights reserved.
Eider down feathers
fall down around me
like snow from the sky,
I raise my arms
turn in a circle
and take in
of my fury,
A lampshade flung
against a wall,
the base cracked,
the shade torn,
the bedside table
battered and rammed
against a dresser
like an abusive husband’s wife,
The mirror shattered
into a million pieces,
each one reflecting
a mask of rage,
someone I don’t recognize
glares back at me
from the ice like bits of glass,
The mattress ripped open,
springs popping out
like a hundred jack in the boxes,
only there were no jacks
or any boxes,
just rusted,old springs
flopping around like fish
in a sea of impotence,
with the pillows
sliced and flung
about the room,
a calming rain of feathers
slowly falls around me,
And I am at peace once again.
Lost in goodbye
The pathway ends in sick disgrace
No one to turn to
No one to face
Bitter emotions clear your way
Determination to destroy
Is only a heartfelt tear away
Lost in goodbye
The knife slits inside the skin of the broken
And the shedding of blood is evident here
A whole life
Within a tear
Lost in goodbye. . .lost in goodbye
The rest are all lies
The rest are all lies
My grapefruit tanned
the five-day flattened
in an olive shag carpet
tracing grandpa Leo's
with one encapsulated
this is the femur, this is
this is the fist, the ring
finger, the soul.
I search for any blunt
white quivering slivers
of Caroline's purported
Huddling behind the
of an old hospital bed,
a framed photo
smoke browned and
wearing my toddler face,
his children choke
this will be yours, my
plate, separate the
an enigmatic language
that hovers in
smoke stretched rings
upon the hallway
I am left
the ceramic cygnet,
and an ivory carved
from his porcelain
that I decipher
through dust fingerprints
one small inheritance of
to his bibelots,
the olive shag carpet,
even cousin Amy's
who was accidentally
left to pasture on an
A silver plated glass cage
image of her past,
she says she will whittle
all of him,
Through the lies that shatter, the tears that gleam,
Your eyes show the stories, the shadows unclean,
You were mine to have, you were mine to dream,
You were my spotless lies, my everything.
Time wasn’t money, just as love wasn’t trust,
Time was short and love was lust.
Urges were many, to comply was a must,
Goodbye, blue eyed angel, grind this thin wall to dust.
Love was given and unreturned,
Shadows cleared, lies were slurred,
Truth was fought and visions blurred,
Not love, not lust, not the single heart cured.
Not but a memory, not but a name,
Held fast to a girl with her head bowed in shame,
So long gone but a voice can tame,
Goodbye blue-eyed angel, only I was to blame.
Somewhere within your silence,
I've become a nomad,
wandering helplessly around
the barren desert you've created,
for the illusive mirage that you've become.
Yet all I see is the vast sunlit horizon,
that I'll never reach.
It's all in your hands now,
I am just a broken soul aimlessly wandering.
I beg you,
show me your mirage,
let me bask in it's beauty,
let me hear the tender sounds
of your poetic waterfall,
and let me be healed,
by your gentle, cool, calming breeze,
flowing within my soul once more.
I just drank a fifth of vodka
A lot on my mind
I start crying
But not because I'm sad or scared
It just feels like I'm supposed to
Razor blade in my hand
Ready to cut my flesh
First I slit my neck
Then both wrists
See the blood drip
Feel it running down my skin
Hear it hit the floor
One taste & reality hits
Blood is gone
A voice says,
"This is your future"
Then I wake up
gray fabric offices,
cubicles divide us—
turn us into
with mock privacy,
as overheard conversations
drip from lips
it seems insanity
with no one there.
to coarse fabrics—
arms stretched out
from wall to wall,
as mouths open
little crazy women,
having a little fun
in this little nightmare
of our short life.
fun crazy times.
journeys around the world
dreaming to be a princess
alongside her prince
ruling us al.
flying around and around
on her trip,
seeing new places and faces
seeing miles of oceans
and making memories.
wishing to climb to the sky
and fly fly fly,
through heart and soul
to go go go.
Drained of words.
The flow has ceased and the imagination is bled dry of originality.
I'm left flipping through my past
Scratched in ink across these pages.
Thoughts long forgotten seemingly infantile,
Paling in comparison to anything that's recently infested my mind.
I sit in a cold room, locked away from the world
Curled in the corner with a pen
Stabbing into my skin hoping to grasp some idea of pain
To cause a flood as I have times before.
Theories I drew up in my rebellious youth circulate in my blood
Causing a twisted sense of self-pride feeding my bitterness.
My flesh is drained of color, painted with the whites and dusted yellows
Of headlights passing through the blinds hanging limp over the window.
I burn, burn away into the previous day
Where I wasn't dependent on these words that keep me from jumping out of my
Sucking on the scents lingering in the air from nightmares to gain some
I find myself dangling on the brink of insanity and mental collapse,
Surrendering myself to the fear of another failure.
Giving up to the truth that I'm living with the assurance
That only cold soil and a glossy maple-wood box wait for me at the end,
If I could afford even that.
Such a soft, gentle word
For an experience
With the power to
Shake the soul
Wrack the body
And flood the hollow spaces
Of the heart
The hot, hard tears
Of anger and frustration
The constant clinging tears
Of grief and loss
The uncontrollable tears
Of irrational despair
Someone should invent
For the relentless pain
And shrouded darkness
And free the word “tears”
To mean only the iridescent
Tears of pure joy.
I smile so no one can see my scars.
You think i'm happy.
But you don't know me.
You don't know the girl
who cries herself to sleep.
Who marred her skin
from all the stress.
Who hates herself
for all she's done.
Who chokes back screams
when she sees you smile.
You think I handle all this well.
But you don't know
the torture I put myself through.
I punish myself for all your lies,
but still can't hate you.
You think you can see
but you don't know me.
( 2004 )
were it was hollowed within
the crumpled tissue paper
thrown onto the filth
drowned on truth
You say don't talk about it
You say let it be
You say its too dark
And the words are scary.
Don't speak the unspeakable
Let the rape and murder
Remain a headline to disappear.
Don't discuss the pedophile
Who isn't bothering your child ...
A moviestar father talks to his daughter
Like she is crap
Just another rap
All he has to do is apologize.
Thats the new deal ...
And It will pass and be forgotten except
For the darkness of her pain.
Her pain that will remain
I am sick in this darkness
Oh God, if you exist
Please help me undo this twist
Of the knife in my soul
Of the rage that I feel
This can't all be real
Oh God what have we done ...
How could we?
How could we?
Photograph's can easily deceive.
Seeing her pose next to this man is make-believe.
The smile on her face is a lie,
and you can detect the misery in her eye.
This picture has so much sadness hidden from view.
You can't necessarily see the distress she's going through.
Nor can you see the marks across her chest that are black and blue.
She's fighting the same spousal abuse you watch on the six o'clock news.
In this picture you just can't see the physical pain.
But with his arms around her, you can sense the disdain.
The picture does not show fists clenched at her side.
It is the "fear" she is unable to hide.
In the picture you're unable to see emotional scars tormenting
There's bile in the back of her throat because the guy has his
hand on her behind.
She tries to muster the courage to escape the rapes but she's
Hard to believe this is not the once giggly bride that had her
dream wedding by the riverside.
In this picture you can't see the many addictions,
or in their house know his restrictions.
They are on the verge of eviction.
Hospital or death is her family's prediction.
No court order can stop the bloodshed.
Before this picture is developed this
once happy full-of-life girl will be dead!
A smile so achingly perfection
Only hiding evil buried deep inside
Emptiness and destruction is all you leave behind
Your love consumes me, burns me from within
Leaving only darkness, where there once was light.
Now I’m just a shell, no not even that
More a memory of the me that disappeared
As you caressed me with your deadly touch
Your love it consumed me, burned me from within
Hidden scars eternal, a reminder of your deceptive evil
How is it you still consume me when there’s nothing left to take
Only a hollow void where there once was life
Yet you’re an obsession I just can’t let go
Even as I turn to leave, we know it’s not the end
Only a matter of time, until I’m back again.
Death’s temporal non-living souls
steeped in ignorance inescapable,
marching lockstep brainwashed
in a wondrous stupefying age
of the light bearer’s angst,
Cultivating choiceless awareness
within mindless sentient spirits,
a new world order confounded,
trampled under foot entranced
in pursuit of thoughtlessness,
Life’s oft-quoted recurrent tenet
of schizophrenic nescient beings,
induced by a rhapsodic paradigm,
partakers of Nirvana’s dire elixir
of a malefic zeitgeist set free,
Humankind’s wretched odyssey
an incorporeal hysterical zeitgeist,
of pre-millennial enlightenment,
decayed yet knowingly unlearned
in an post-apocalyptic world,
Man’s common present ubiquitous
reality check believed not to exist
an untruth born of ancient dormant
Aeolian intelligentsia on a journey
into forgotten forsaken places
Hell’s prophetical pre-existing toll
quibbling over doctrinal minutiae
a religilous Babylonian mystery
of exhumed re-animated flesh
e’er cremated in Gehenna fire
Victims of one demonic otherkin’s
ubiquitous subliminal deception
a masterful universal ‘Onethink’
culminating at Mount Meggiddo
destiny’s lifeless final chapter
© Eugene Harvey
The odor of warmth and affection,
The feeling of love and protection,
An isolated heaven of love;
I lay in his arms like an angel,
Like a white dove,
At the moment,
I am living an endless time
Of eternal happiness,
Life seems to be everlasting…
Life now, is a colored painting
Of smiles and joy,
Words slithered between his lips,
Like tiny insects sliding on the petals
Of a bright-colored flower,
I contemplated his beauty as
I heard his tender voice whisper,
“Thy beauty is like the azure sky.”
Perfection is what I am seeing,
His words kept on repeating
In my head;
In his arms I lived another life…
A nirvana created by his glaring eyes,
“Thy beauty is a mosaic picture on the walls of heaven,”
His words swayed like the dancing waves…
I lay there inertly,
With a river of feelings penetrating
My soul like an addictive kiss of his,
My feelings suddenly shifted,
I felt tiny droplets of water condense
On my cheeks,
Were they tears?
My anguish was immense…
Sadness and grief formed
A body of confusion that mystified
The fantasizing feelings I had felt,
Here I was,
In your arms;
My ally, the person I shared my life with…
You held me tightly trying to ease
The pain I was feeling,
The pain created by you…
The tears in my eyes created a reflection of
The sufferings that tend to draw a continuous
Picture of your betraying eyes…
I cried and cried as I felt your arms
Hold me tighter,
I felt no comfort at all…
I closed my eyes trying to place myself
In “his” arms again,
The arms of the stranger
That allayed my soul like tender music,
Like a harmony created by the soft,
Emerald leaves that danced with the wind…
I smiled again…
I am space. And I am time. I can see wind and I can be kind.
I can breathe you, yet you can't breathe me.
I am the oceans, but you're not the seas.
I am the rain. You are my pain.
I am the Sun. You were my fun.
I was the storm. I am outrage. So angry. So deep. Lock me in a cage.
I am the zoo. Being observed from all views.
My life was a shambles and it was your cue. A cue to enter. A cue to arrive
A cue to witness and to revive.
I am religion and I am here. Not one place. Not neither place but here and there.
Am I the air? Am I the voice?
I wanted you forever but you had your own choice.
To leave, to depart, to exit or restart
You left, you thief and you still have my heart...
So tired is my soul this eve,
and my heart hangs heavy within me,
I've finally purged to the paper,
the words I've needed to
for so long,
although a release,
a strange sort of relief,
I grieve too
for meanings lost
somewhere between the lines
and your soul.
My intentions so deep,
I drowned myself beneath them.
after purging my angst,
I shall rise to the surface,
and live freely once again.
Dark the shadow, moving among us as a thief,
Deftly slipping its thin, spiny fingers
Deep into those hearts not yet strong
Tugging almost effortlessly at the soul within
That knows not, the light, the bright salvation.
For only a small step towards the shining star
Would summon the angels to battle,
Fierce, cunning, strong, they fly to their call.
But, alas, though a small step, a deep, endless chasm
For one so lost, so tortured...so alone.
The others watch yet do nothing to stop
The growing vastness of nothing,
Suckling all life, all hope from where it feeds
So simply, with hardly a protest or fight, not even a whimper;
Only abandon and sadness, regret and loss.
Yet in the distance a soft and gentle song trumpets in the wind,
Calling back the lost and weary souls forgotten,
Calling them all back, aching for their pains and sorrows,
Offering a choice if only they would hear.
Closer and brighter, chasing shadow back into the night.
The endless battle surely bringing victory to one
Yet, we watch and do nothing, and the angels cry out
Their frustrations and despair, and with prayers that man will take
That step of faith, opening their hearts as all who hunger for the light,
May find salvation and end the nothingness that grows.
You are like a thousand drugs
The absence of you makes me want to
Kill what I feel
Not because of your warmth but because
My heart is so cold
Maybe someday we'll learn to make relationships last
Maybe someday we'll learn to forget our past
And we'll learn to control without poisons
What exactly did I write you
Bringing this out into the open of all times
Made me throw it all way
And everything happened this way
Worst mistake that it happened this way
Everything seemed so perfect
Just for the record
Drugs or something
Made it seem like one makeout session
And of course it hadn't even started yet
So hard not to laugh out loud
Picking this up with you
Are you hiding in cult practices
New job printing dragonflies on your back
Almost serious suicide
Stepping inside me and changing everything that I am
We'll have all of the mind-blowing sex
You'll change struck by lightening
I've been here before
So leave quietly before we become something more
Maybe someday we'll learn to renew our past
And someday we could put some relationships last
So we'll learn obedience without the choke collar
After all you've done for me
If I steal the one you love
And enjoyed every second I'm with her
And you're not
Would you call me a monster?
In some cases i don't know what to do
In most I can weasel in a safe way out
Soft brown eyes don't let me down
I may never get back up
Must be so far
'Cause I can't see the end
Here's to all who never cared
I said I'd serve you until the end
Not so hard to understand
But you have killed the moment
Left me here for dead
Coming too fast
'Cause I can see the end
You take time forget
I said I'd serve you until the end
Not so hard to understand
But you have killed the moment
Left me here for dead
Coming too late
'Cause I have passed the end
You let go of all regrets
In comes the tide
To wash your life away
That you're on solid ground
They say life is short;
I say it's not short enough...
And the rainbow after the storm
is just another fairy tale.
Sure, when one door closes
another door opens...
But who's to say what's on the other side
will turn out to be good?
lust after the freedom of not being
and the supposed lucky singles
desperately seek to be attached.
Everything we don't have,
we MUST have;
And all that we have,
we don't need...
(until it's gone, of course)
How ideal if all things were perfect...
No problems, no worries, just joy...
But then you'd call it boring
The optimist looks down at me with pity
But at the end of the day
When the world fails you
Who's the one that's disappointed?
She lays there alone
Looking at the sky
She thinks of that saying,the one about sticks and stones
And says softly to herself "Thats a lie."
That day she had been called a pig,a *****, and a mutt
She had also been told she was fat,worthless,and scary
She wonders if she really is a slut
Soon she became ever so wary
Then she slowly sits up and draws out her knife
She thinks about that little trophy wife
Who muttered the 6 words "She should take her own life"
Slowly that girl puts her knife to her chest
As the words "Kill yourself" run through her mind
She stabs the knife into her chest just like the rest
If only one person had been kind...
Now she falls back into a lay
Wondering how long it will take for someone to find her
A year? A month? A day?
Everything fades into a blur
She takes her last breath
Then finally she reaches her death
My precious little love,
As you lay asleep,
with your coat of
and sweet, childish,
slumber of peace
Let not the worry
that I always feel
enter your heart.
Not my contemplation
or my fear
Do not let it brand you
with cold fingers.
Please never wonder
our food comes from
For, you will always
stay, forever, fed.
Ponder not, whether we
will have heat.
You will always stay warm.
Keep that light,
inside your eyes.
The one of sweet
May your dance in life
be forever, with no
Always keep that joy.
That childish euphoria.
Do not question, ever,
if my love runs out.
For, it is infinite.
It swells larger
every day I hold you.
Agony builds inside,
as fiery tears course
down my face,
in little rivers.
Please, may you always
look at me with love.
With a childs love.
I hope you never,
find out, my child,
that Mommy isn't perfect.
what would you do
If a person hurt you?
Would you tell a soul
about that horrid dreadful night
Or would you keep it to yourself
Letting the moments replay in your mind
day after day
night after night
feeling as if it was your fault
even though all you could do
was lay there and struggle
what would you do
if you held everything back
would you let it stay in
until one day it spills over
and your arms are lined with marks
from every blade you pressed
deep into your skin
what would you do
if you lost your bestfreind
would you froget about what happened
or relive each second everytime you went to sleep
Listening to glass shatter
would you wake up at night
tears streaming down your face
wishing it had been you
wishing you could of done something
wishing that life wasn't so bad
wishing you could lay down
close your eyes
and just die
anxiety showing through;
bated breath and tired sighs
all the same
today and tomorrow...
just crude forgeries of yesterday
every exhalation breathing out
another piece of our monotony ridden souls
choking me, constricting my lungs
as if even the air is now my enemy
blowing and pushing me in directions
that I'd sworn never to take
anxiety showing through
crispy verbs you let me use
after you were done
ironed out by my tongue
nestled between my cheek
rolled and chewed
imbued with your borrowed life
spat out against the
burning canvas of my mind
I’ve been staring out the window all night long
But I don’t know what it is I expect to see
Maybe I will see myself walking, happy,
Down the street, where I can cross to the other side
But the street is empty
And there’s nothing but the falling leaves
So I look back inside now
Where I try to forget
That the world outside is not so cold
And the emptiness inside me
Is the only feeling that I know
And I cry…
I’ve been living with the pain of a love gone wrong
When inside I know that love seems so damned right
So tell me that you just don’t love me, it’s better
Than saying that you love me
But we can’t put it back together
The shards that are so broken
You should know, I’d give anything
To have the chance to make you see
That I’m not the one who hurt you
Look at me, don’t you see who I am?
But the silence here is deafening
I know I must forget you
But don’t know why…
So I sit here by my window looking out
Watching life just pass me by while I sit alone
I look for something to move me, distraction
But all I see are falling leaves
As they land and scatter
I know the breeze that blows
Because I feel it in my soul
And it’s cold and so unyielding
Blowing across the street
So I cannot cross to the other side
Still, I keep looking
And I cry…
Either side of the bed is mine
at my whim
Coffee cups left in the sink
until there are
vacuum in the middle of the
for a Week
remote - Mine
of steamed broccoli and cauliflower
planting gardenias by the moon
music LOUD and interminable
I walk with them
I experience life but they only dismiss it
I change my ways and they don’t notice
I fall and they walk on by
I talk and they ignore
I cry and they turn there backs
I hope and they destroy
I laugh and they make me angry
I do well but they have to do better
I feel myself falling and they only notice themselves
I want to scream but they silence me
I want to prove myself but they won’t let me
I want to do rise above but they chain me down
I put on a pretty smile and no one is the wiser
I have them fooled and they don’t even know
life's efforts, in vain they shattered
velvet cloaks of crimson tattered
alone in darkness, they never mattered
blades glisten, the sad eyes they flattered
hand out-stretched, he stood alone
fingers gleamed white of bone
eerie whispers of prayers unknown
no actions friends of God would condone
leaning in with scythe in hand
hollowed eyes of black depths command
veins bled dry making stand
against the embrace of Death's demand
there are veins on the sides of your face
they reach for your eyes
aimed to kill
there are veins on your hands
all together they jump
and again they together jump
if the sun dont burn or if it do, build
first: rip apart that old thing
make them all the parts remember the beginning of their time
make them grow together to forget
make them grow
man covered in veins
you, man with the steady hands
that wiped up my sticky spilled mess
(vodka, the unfair things you wont let me say, the songs i make from them, and throw up)
wiped them up good
and other parts of the day,
you don't fall
i wonder if you ever give in just sometimes
just a small glimmer of a bit
to pretend that you are covered, veins and all
in tiny green leaves
i am forever indulging in the vision
blue eyed beauty.
cookie cutter girl,
princess of suburbia.
because she likes it.
blood confetti on her notebooks,
the twinkle in her eye.
staining words on twisted minds.
they want to taste the berries on her lips,
feeling the metallic taste in her mouth.
they love the broken things,
hearts torn apart.
they look up to her.
she used to play with barbie dolls.
turning them into baby prostitutes,
models who rose above.
she used to sing to herself in the basement,
or where ever there was running water.
math makes her brain itch.
wal-mart makes her claustraphobic.
so lets break out,
slipping valium into her teddy bears head.
no need to hide from the monsters of her mind.
theyve already gotten to her.
Beauty bleeds through skin
Infecting all which festers
So deep within
The skeletons cary such secrets
To disgrace and shame Gorgeous
Saying it no longer forgets
We both know what's going on
Spare us the pain
Please, just walk away
You're like a magnet and I'm the steel
It's surfaced and reared its sinful head
Would I partakein this temptation?
Beauty leaves me scrambling,
Reaching for anything firm
Safety net's burnt
My closet's filling and going quick
I shouldn't have let myself fall for you
It's time I just quit
Hearts are like:
they hold dead forgotten things
and ENGRAVED upon them are
long gone NAMES
of someone you once
They are buried and hidden
away from the eyes of man.
The open sea
In every direction for me
The last accompanying sail
Gone over the edge,
The tip of the mast
A sight I found a comfort
Is now a thing of the past
All alone on a world
With no end
With a heart to mend
No ocean liner
Or luxury yacht for me
A simple boat
On this useless sea
If I make
Some distant shore
To sail once again
A desire I will have no more
The young boy happy and contented in life
Sheltered from the real evils of man
Lost in his room with the treasures of adventure
Unbridled dreams tapestry serene summer days
Purity of youth’s innocence in soft blue eyes
This happy child lost in pages upon his bed
Never paying life a second thought
The realization that someday he would pass on
Oh, to be invincible again if only for a moment…
Years flitter by on the winds as they always have
Struggle reared up its eyes all to often
The imagination boy of unsullied venture
Began the transforming journey into the world
The crisp blue eyes of photographed youth
Now a hard gray reflecting scars of strife
The insatiable ardor for living in the moment
Becomes the bittersweet flavor of years gone by
Under the flushing candle his sword now a pen
He writes of looking in the mirror of whetted eyes
Wishing what he believed then, he could grasp now.
Oh, to be invincible again if only for a moment…
Perched on a smooth river rock
studying her reflection in the flow
A timeline of changing faces
slowly drifts by...
Carefree happy child
running, playing among trees.
Rebellious miserable teen
banging her head against authority.
Disillusioned, deeply depressed
escaping with her spirit broken.
New mother ecstatic in California
memorizing his growing up slide show.
Lonely, desolate woman with wrong partners
until near death does she part.
Empty-nesters' angst ridden face
hidden, lost in darkness.
finding her pieces in lifes' school.
Evolving computer addict, isolator
searching on-line for love.
Mostly content, peaceful now
her heart found God and "true blue."
Freedom lover flying, watching from above
Her lifes' puzzle face more balanced
This train of pain stop’s at every
Seeking all that want to step on
You can buy a ticket or ride free
For he welcome one and he
Twisted faces cries out in a
Welcome all and I want all
Screams of pain yell to the
The pain clamps deeper with
With a eerie growl
He said let’s go for a ride
All Around the track and hence
Forth back again
Pain” O” pain run from me I
Swear I will be careful the
Next go round
Give me peace and make my
From this painful drunken state
For my eyes are blurry
My limbs is crackin”
So much pain for one to endure
The pain is cutting into my heart
It’s piercing through me like a
Can’t you see my heart is losing
Drip, drip, drip my blood
Is Rushing and running on the
Please, Mr. Conductor stop this
All this blood is making me sick
Let off, “O” let me off
Know getting off you just enter
I tried to cry out,
I tried to say something,
I tried to speak up,
speak up and ask.
I tried to ask for help,
I tried so hard to be heard.
And no one heard.
I kept trying,
I kept calling and crying out.
Would no one hear me?
I tried to reach out,
out for help,
And no one heard.
Until it was too late.
if i had kept on
if i had lived on
if i had kept on
would you have stayed?
the part of you that i felt
inside this cold heart
and i am silently suffering
from these wounds you left in me
the scars here and there
these cuts and bruises
bleed and burn
and the antidote for my sorrow
is long gone
Across the cold concrete steps
Are strewn pears and lilies
A very long time ago
A grave tragedy occurred here
No one saw anything
No one said a word
Dark spirits now protect the site
Somber, powerful memories still remain
At the corner of forever
Out on the edge of time
Where something means everything
But means nothing at all
Stands a figure transfixed, keenly aware
that beyond the void and
Across the cold concrete steps
Are strewn pears and lilies
Life's Complaints Department
Take it out on me.
That’s what I’m here for.
Make me work for it.
Make me feel it.
Your relationship is dead.
I want you to spit bile.
You hate your kids.
Let your tongue be your weapon.
The mortgage payment is overdue.
Show me that desperation.
You got some bad news.
Prove to me your diamond hard anger.
You’re having car problems.
I want to see blood rush to your head.
I am the concrete wall that absorbs the wreckage of your life.
I am your temporary enemy.
I am a sponge with a face.
I calmly roast in my own public hell.
Barely existing in my own numb regret.
Forsaken by my own fragile identity.
The sweat soaks through my shirt.
An accidental pain junky.
Ready for another fix.
Like slashing blades
Pierce through the heart
And tear it apart.
everything is peaceful and calm just like always
but then suddenly something is different
I wake up and realize yet again that it was just a dream
just one more dream that will never come true
for my life is far from peaceful and calm
I wake up yet again to a world gone wrong
a world as scary as any nightmare
maybe we're all just dreaming this world
and without dreams it wouldn't exist
maybe we're all just someones dream
someone like me dreaming their life away
hoping that things will get better some day
isn't that why we all dream?
to escape from our fears and problems
if only for a few hours
dreams are a never ending addiction
the almost perfect drug
and we all do it
we sleep everyday to escape our lives
only if we sleep will our dreams come true
but they're only an illusion
maybe the only way to make a dream happen
is to die and dream an eternal dream
Take me away from here,
From the noise and the pain.
Somewhere nowhere near;
Away from the stress and the strain.
Take me away from here,
From the shouts and the tears.
Somewhere nowhere near;
I've been hiding for years.
Take me away from here,
From the lonely days and nights.
Somewhere nowhere near;
Let's turn off the lights.
Take me away from here,
From these acts that can't be forgiven.
Somewhere nowhere near;
Some place much like Heaven.
Scattering into broken pieces
My life has become a black painting
Within myself I see,
You concealing me,
I feel droplets of misery
Crawling into me, to simply become…
I wonder if my tears
Could water the eternal desiccation,
That fills my life with hopelessness…
When will “I” reappear?
Nothing but this undying pain
The memories I thought would
Have killed the happiness…
And have gone away,
My sorrowfulness is my days,
Is my dreams, is my prevailing thoughts, is
Everything that creates my life…
Rage flows in my veins,
Like boiling blood;
I’ve become an explosion
Like a volcano of red, burning hatred,
All these particles of my sorrow,
Crawl into me,
Triggering a reflection
Of the person I don’t want to be…
The Me in me…
Crawl into me…
The person I was,
The person that you were…
The person I want you and me to be…
The calling of my name revived me
From talking to my shadow,
“Farah, go to sleep...You have school tomorrow!”
My mom yelled…
Before switching off the lights,
I glanced at my shadow again
With tears in my eyes,
And quietly muttered,
“Crawl into me...”
Tomorrow is another day, a fresh start.
You manipulated your way and stole my heart!
I try to focus on self, but I'm seriously failing.
You took my emotional wealth, and now my mind is sailing.
Drifting along, needing an answer as to "why?"
You would rewrite my song, look me in the eye and lie!
Tomorrow is another day, a new beginning.
I kneel and pray for all this sinning.
You dragged me down to the lowest point in my life.
Take off that crown you're no longer my wife.
I will carry on and refuse to look back.
I'd rather be alone, I'm serious as a heart attack!
Hearts don't break they just tend to bend.
I took all I could take now I'm gone with the wind!!!!
Take it and throw it away.
It will never be the same anyway.
A hole in my chest.
Ragged, raw and hollow.
The pain is so intense, I'm numb.
It's a struggle to get through the day.
My bed is my refuge.
If only I could stay here forever.
Do I get up and pretend it doesn't hurt?
Maybe they'll all buy it.
Can't breathe when I remember.
That smile, that embrace I miss fiercely.
Were we really happy?
Maybe I imagined it all.
Cast aside with no reason.
I can't do this anymore, Love is Pain.
This ends right now.
Confided in me then threw it all away
There can be no love left within me
But you've lost it all now - I've given up on you.
He's got you doing I don't know what
And the rumours are rumours but the rumours are true
And if I saw him I swear
I'd smash his face in.
Could do with another outlet after all
These stabbing shrieks inside my chest
Scraping at my flesh and bone
Won't let them penetrate me
See her; who is she?
Wonder if you know her
She's everything you pretended to be
Emotionless beneath that metal
Trusting no-one still being betrayed
Who are they in the frame with her?
These strangers who casually call themselves friends
You're so stupid
They couldn't care less
Watch you stagger and fuel the habits they helped you start
She's going to die and she's taking you with her
What more can I do when you block me out?
Sleep around black out come to me for comfort
Crazy little girl, could slash you and let all the bad rush out
But then of course we'd have nothing left
And it grieves me that it's come to this
Can't stand it anymore; you're on your own you've got a choice you'll make the
wrong decision I can't be there to guide you
Confided in you then threw it all away
Can't keep these lame promises and I know
I said I'd always be there
But I was there for you and I'm talking to myself 'cause you're dead on the inside
And it's spreading fast.
Not one redeeming feature
Could rip you apart wouldn't harm you for the world
Save you from it all leave you there for them to get you
And they won't find my girl, person worth protecting
Her and you'll be there instead already gone already dead
You all shall scream
Won't turn my head
And I'll remember you today
For what you used to be
Days that seem too far away
You're ugly now in every way.
What do you do with someone who has a black heart?
One so black, that no light can shine through it
What would you do to try to get away?
A potential killer, locked away on the inside
Now seems to be emerging and nothing can stop it
How do you plan on keeping, the devil inside?
You wanted nothing nice of me
Instead, you preferred…that I show you
The evil trapped in my heart…
Why does everyone want to…
See how far they can go with me? I wanna know
So can you please tell me?
Why doesn't anyone appreciate…
The fact that I try to remain sane? I wanna know
So, tell me…
I don’t fight much anymore like I used to
Just because the sight of blood excites me
I would fight to the death, if I could…
I've nearly killed a few of my friends when in rage
And a few times, little children as well
But I'm afraid of what I can do
That is why, I became an outcast…
Just to prevent such a thing…from happening again
Now why did you bring it out again?
Why does everyone want to…
See the evil, the demon in my heart? I wanna know
So, you better tell me
Why do you act like the rest of them?
Did you want to see me insane? I wanna know
Do you wanna die?
To be treated with kindness…nor respect
For that matter, so why try?
Why does everyone want to…
Be caught up in the darkness? I wanna know
And you better tell me
I won't waste my time with you all
To me it seems that you want to go to hell. I wanna know
Do you plan on joining me?
We lay side by side in the summer grass,
I reached for the gingerbread man kit
And lifted out a slightly crumbled biscuit,
Taking the tube, I iced a shaky smile onto its face,
Added big, hopeful chocolate drop eyes
And wrote 'I love you' down its front,
Then I handed it to her and said,
"This is me, take care of her,"
And she grinned and bit off its head.
I have words
flowing from my veins,
but what if it stops?
That can never happen
all I have to do
is slice another one open,
somewhere to dip my quill,
another way to release
of emotion that crash within me.
To eat away at the walls
that they use to keep the likes of me out,
but that can never happen
I go where I want,
the more unwelcome,
the more I'll be there,
the barricades they set
to keep out the malcontents,
Yes tis I
the one no one would welcome
howling in the back,
scratching at the window,
knocking at your door,
pounding on your chest.
I have been here
perched on your windowsill,
sitting just out of sight,
'til the right moment.
That's how I do,
that one second
can change your life,
and make mine last so much longer,
every little taste extends my being,
brings me closer to my next target.
As long as fear exists
there will be me....
I've laughed with these people,
Took long journeys with them,
Thought I could truthfully say,
"You are all my dearest companions"
Looking out at the gray,
Knowing you've all forgotten,
Forgotten all our rambles,
Forgotten me too.
For one sin did I make,
And you condemn me for life,
Shamed as I was,
You deserted me here.
Pounding the ground,
My body would shake,
Retchings in my throat,
As I tried to get free.
For this one sin have I done,
And only one does it take,
For you all to condemn me?
And leave me do die?
What kind of love did you have for me?
In the waking hours I would think,
Think of you all, if you were in trouble,
Pray for you all, if you were in need.
Now as I have fallen,
You won't dirty your knee?
To help me up?
Strengthen my courage to try again?
Desperite tears would comb the ground,
My body shaking from the pain within,
I could not breathe from the dry sobs,
Racking my body, tearing my bones.
All this for one sin,
One sin that would not help me cleanse,
Shamed you left me here,
And here I have lain, ready to die.
For why should I live,
If you are what I once called
Dear friends, and thought to be,
perhaps memories linger,
with wisps of wafting moments,
aware, somehow, even of the now,
Though long forgotten by all others,
One wonders why, and surely how,
Such strong vibrations of the past,
Seem to time, to have taken a bow...
Gutted building, windows broken,
Creaking, leaking floor,
Last stepped on by the living,
So many, many years before...
Where lives were lived, and
deaths have come in their way,
To others, in a time gone by,
Who here saw their last sad day,
Tears were cried,hearts
Love withered, its flame
reduced to ash...
Is this a mysterious black hole of time??
A singularity, of now and here...
Where time is not so limpid...
And death is always near,
And fear can swim in the unknown,
The fear of time's mysterious cloud...
As ticks, as tocks, somehow go forever by,
so mysteriously, and seemingly, oh so loud...
What was the last calendar's year hung?
The last phone call received,
And who had been the one rung??
Secure in forgotten
And with time,
you've lost the race.
Your hands would just reach up
And control my life
Your eyes would open wide
And rip open through my spine
You would stir awake in your casket
If only you could
Your vengeance would never cease
And you would rule the world
From beyond the grave.
Your will would just drive everyone away
And I would be alone
Your words would be heard by all
And none would hear mine
You would wake from the dead
If only you could
Your vengeance would never cease
And you would rule the world
From beyond the grave
Your desires would stir the restless
And they would do your bidding
Your arms would open up wide
And prepare to embrace the sky
For you would rise to this occasion
If only you would
Your vengeance would never cease
And you would rule the world
From beyond the grave.
Standing at a metaphysical crossroad
Not knowing what is real
What is imagined
What never was or will be
Looking in the distance
Stars surround a glowing sun in a darkened sky
A rainbow spirals out of control
Spreading from mountain to river
Touching a hundred points of glass
It dances wildly
Never wanting to be beautiful
Clouds creep along cracks in the dry earth
Never rising, never falling
Surrounding snow covered rocks and life
Dripping veins of the darkest light
Covered a veil of something not yet known
Silvery and liquid
It glows as light hits its flowing surface
Reflecting into waves of misty air
Spreading across the world
Moving on currents of cold
Heated by the fires of the past
Igniting the land before it
Not allowing anything to become too real
Waves of visual distortion
Twisting and bending whatever beauty there is
Not showing what was
Casting illusion of what may be
It must be asked
What is real?
Does the world really look like this?
Is physical reality true?
Does the world exist as remembered?
Does the world exist at all?
Is there a reality?
Is this reality a part of someone’s dream?
Or someone’s nightmare?
Don’t speak to me with banality.
My expectations reach further aloft.
Trite expression perverts
your true presentation.
Long dead to me,
you cannot resurrect
trust with promise.
Due diligence has
put to death any remaining
Quiet my jangling head
[marbles set loose in a drain pipe]
Silence churning doubts
[acid bath of corrosive thought]
Calm my rasping breath
[jagged edges of restricted output]
Cease excessive activity
[upanddown the spiral staircase]
Steady my stricken hands
[pounding pegs into nonexistent holes]
from stillborn silence
upon my sanctuary of
I ran the blade under my thumbnail,
scouring dirt with the tip,
and stared aimlessly at the street.
Switchblade thoughts clicking,
metronomic stilettos on wet paving,
In this sleeping wakefulness,
this illusion of life,
she never arrives;
waiting, as you do, for endings,
or new beginnings,
becomes strictly habitual.
They say hell is for heroes,
abide there with fiery halos
and tickertape ash.
I ran the blade under my thumbnail,
pressing harder, drawing blood,
a singular jewel procreating,
welling then dripping, dripping.
I’m no hero,
just a deadening excuse
like the rest.
And yet it still feels like hell
Share my wine
One last time
Lay next to me
Let me feel your sweet breath
On my neck once more,
I have never forgotten you,
And everything you swore
Locked in crystal eternity
Inside my love
You lay next to me
each night I live
In memories you yet give
The dry sand blends with her flesh
as I sink into that coffee cream fresh valley
that peeks beyond the safe beats of a bellybutton
tapping against the winds of me
Rain runs against the porcelain bottom
as she releases hidden sounds from her aching soul
that resist me through distance but shall fail
to the desire of our entwined chance in time
She adores my laugh
and fears my history
But finds herself in the pieces
of a mirror that hangs above an empty bed
Empty of heart
Empty of desire
Empty of that void that hides what a soulmate can only see
Explain the taste that lingers upon my ears
and drips me wet upon a dry heart
She adores my laugh
She adores my words
She adores my pain
She adores me
a me that needs her
a me that does love her
a me that is learning to like me
because of her
because of her heart
because of her desire
because of her laugh
I slip into a pallet of paint
that contains her
that envies no rainbow
that never washes clean or away
that is of a rare brilliance
She heals my damaged soul
and fades my hidden scars
beneath the glass gates
beneath the nervous smiles
beneath the unwilling goodbye
beneath the pain
My Madison does exist
You know not about fear
when in the spotlight of
snarled in distorted
my unguarded spine
stunting small bones
too plain to miss
you pound down
My lungs scream for air
But my throat is too tight for breath
Nobody is there to hear me cry
Nobody cares that I just want to die
No one understands the pain that is building up inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
I try to move my hand
But my muscles are too tight for motion
Nobody is there to hear my try
Nobody cares that I’m trying to die
No one understands the emptiness inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
I try to sit up
But my legs are too weak for standing
Nobody is there to hear me sigh
Nobody cares that I’m soon to die
No one understands what I’m feeling inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
I try to wake up
But my eyes will not open
Nobody is there to hear me say ‘Bye’
Nobody cares that I know I will die
No one understands what it is going on inside
It’s all a part of life
But why part of mine?
Don’t you dare
leaving me with
the mess of you
unknow the heart of
unlearn the soul of
untie the strings of
attempt to defy
the laws of
forgotten and rejected
I am the outcast
ignored by all abused by many
you see me every day
yet you see right through me
in your eyes I don't exist
another nameless face in the crowd
I am lost but will never be found
wandering aimlessly forever
unsure of where to go next
I am scared
but no one is there to comfort me
for I am the outcast
alone in the back of every room
there is one of us
you may not see us
but look hard enough and you will
don't look too long for I may look away
embarrassed and ashamed of something unknown
don't enter my world unless you are prepared
because once you are in there's no going back
alone in the corner i watch her play
skin glistening in the suns golden ray
peaceful and innocent she sits by her self
to you nick knack high up on a shelf
No kisses from you no hugs come either
Christmas presents, kind words neither
not once did you ever console her cries
fight with her clothes or her hair ties
not once have you tucked her in at night
cuddled her close because of her fright
taught her a new trick to show every one
gave her a bath when the day was all done
never have been there whenever she was sick
to hold her close for the needle stick
and watch her tears roll down her sad cheek
or be her words when she could not speak
alone in the corner she knows not who you are
not by a slight chance and not from afar
you missed out on all the first things she did
when things were hard you ran and hid
now that its easier you think you should show
the damage is done if you dont already know
she doesn't need you to pretend that you care
to be the person that should have been there
As it all once again repeats,
Retreating my soul
Into my reminiscences;
Back into my echoing laments,
I once again try to avoid it all,
I try to elude myself,
But realize that it all again
Grasps me back to the mystified beginning,
I search and search
For the “happy” past I thought I had,
For the moments I thought would sympathize,
But now it all made it seem that,
I’m living in disguise,
It all might live within me,
It all now is a part of me,
Esoteric though, to some
People it might be,
Now that I know
That one’s shadow only fades
When it’s intended not to be seen,
I always close my eyes
And try to dream,
Here I am right now,
Staring outside my kitchen’s balcony,
Contemplating all these birds
Flutter their pinions in
And out of an enormous tree…
It all made me smile,
It all made me leave the balcony
And go run around that tree…
Like all these birds,
It all made me flutter my pinions,
Staying out late at night she is a taker of substance
with a golden tongue she speaks untruths
all with out reluctance.
Like a captured pray I dangle from her web
I am slowly being devoured
very soon I will be dead.
Where is my defender from this torment
my soul cries for mercy
yet the sorrow remains consistent
So little I would not have done
my love was true as I lay now the prisoner
of her----- "the one".
pain is a mover,
and a shaker,
stirs one to action
to escape its evil claws
It has its own schedule-
and mocks your attempts
to deal with it
and it never takes a pause
Its tendrils spread throughout-
as certain bastions of misery-
scattered all about-
the fortress of agony
you can try to ignore it,
but never successfully,
or fight it with med's
but you will be forced to see
such efforts are so useless,
It was what was meant to be
you can't reason with it,
just endure it until
it's had its merry fill
of sadistic persecution,
don't let it break your will
alone I battle
fear of death
creeps into my thoughts....
Remember me, on a sunny day
When springtime breezes soften,
Your already soft skin,
And softer heart,
One that's touched deep upon mine,
Remember the burning organ solo I played,
That stunned your ears and heart...
That pile of endless daily letters I sent you....
That look in my eyes that said what words can't.
That music I wrote for you,
Performed for you,
The meals I cooked for you,
The ears that heard your words,
The love shared,
Twisted, heated bodies,
Ecstasy of the Gods,
And our last farewell,
I will remember you.
Directions to envision a lost trail of agony
Reveals passage to a black bag tautly held for many years
While overhauling contents of a violent imagery
I thrust forward to the pathway of rudimentary repair
To weaken the hold and ease the grips of anguish and despair
Thoughts are pulling me,pushing me toward perception more each day
Torn apart by recognition as it was consciously turned away
Broken of hand it plummets, while insulting the earth below
Thousands of tears race from the bag as I nurture my scorned ego
A gush of emotion slashes the soil in a torrent, bitter rain
While viciously spouting a pool of frustration
Then is snatched up by the dirt again
In contempt of the ailing turmoil that stifled many a goal
The soil sucks it down, further down, then swallows it in whole
The satchel of stressful burden once over-stuffed by me
Descends to fill on devil’s rations where it packs up easily
Fate of torments asunder, I had to let go
To cradle awareness and potentially grow
Advanced from suppression, unwilling to stumble
Into the black clutch of madness where healthy minds crumble
I'm sorry to all of my children
How I wish I could go back to change
The wrong things I've put you all through
And to make time rearrange
Those times to good moments for all of you
I'm sorry for what my life, fears and screw ups have put all four of you through
I simply rolled with what those fears handed me
Yes I so should've done more
And not just let it be
I was so scared and didn't really know what to do
When you're standing inside a house with the rook on fire
Well you, in that moment, are to blind to see
What's happening all around
Now I see it all to clearly and the fire is burning everything down to the ground
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should've been
There's no excuse for it
Those wounds you now bear may not ever mend
And I live with that everyday
But that doesn't mean the love that I feel
For each one of you isn't real
It most certainly is
I'm not asking any of you to forgive me or accept my apology
But know that this all comes from my heart
Pain and rage will tear ones soul apart
And none of these words will make the past different, go away or any better
We do still have a chance, however, to overcome it and get through the stormy
Being better people in the end
So while this don't make my mistakes you bear go away
I still need to say
You can hate me more and more everyday
If that's what is helping you to get by and cope
But no matter how much hate you have for me, I still love all four of you
Perhaps one day you can each find it in your hearts to forgive me
Not for me, but for yourselves cause it's truly the only way you'll ever fully be able to
move on........Love Mom
i am a possibility
of many possibilities
i am a ratio
an indecisive factor
in the rest of what this dimension has to offer
the world is a top
i spin it and predict the probability
that the end will equal the means
or perhaps surpass it
even if i never surpass this muck-up
these broken eardrums
and the inquisition of my empty head exclaiming empty words
and i don't even exist
especially to the solipsists, nihilists
and i no longer give a sh--
i am now officially some lazy apathetic prick
oh i could have been a possibility
but that possibility was so small
that you'd need a magnifying glass
and some tweezers
i am rust, oxified and tearing up
i am crust, the sh-- in the ring on the toilet
i am lust, but never just enough
i am bust
i am a loser without a leash and/or choke chain
!! Attitude Change !!
A brand new day, fresh like blooming flowers
Taking the edge from the words you spray
Today I will praise knowing every day I learn to crawl first,
Watch you trip all over yourself when my foot is out.
I'll take the books you read, and scrape your eyes from all judgement
Like catnip, you can sit under my cat paw like a pigeon with broken wings
I will close my eyes, and use you like a walking cane,
See it to believe it, like burning rain
Cover you with a blanket, and teach you how to count change
Clear my mind from all opinions, shut you out from improper thoughts.
Water the oak sides and do break off any unneeded branch from your tree
Cut you like a flower, and show you how it is to stand out
Pledge the world clean, and show you the dirt falling from your face
Keep you in the shadows where you can't escape my flames
Enjoy the whispers, of my taunts that stain your dreams
In with the new, get rid of the old. ( ATTITUDE !)
The rivers of life are most dear to those with young.
These rivers supply life, ensuring the survival of what is most precious.
It is when the river runs dry; the last drops of liquid are tears...
Tears of all that is lost.
The fertile soil soon dries and becomes barren.
The efforts of man are unable to save the farm.
This farmer... a farmer for man... lost what is most dear.
His vision for the future has died.
The farm itself screams in pain as the river flows away.
Her life is leaving and she is unable to save what grows beneath.
What is most dear to the farm is dying.
Her life, everything she wanted... now stripped from her.
Such farms all have a gate that closes them to the rest of the world.
As the farmer stands staring at the sign above the farm... remembering that night.
He came from no where with no reason... stabbing his wife in her stomach and
His memory, while staring at the sign..."Here lies both a loving wife and future
I fared under the caricature
Of desolate bane this eve –
Walking with shiver in pocket
Toward the glassiness of now –
As I reached the tip of today
Drenched I was, in disgust –
Saturated with concocted sweat
I gripped tirelessly, the shiver –
Poured the shock of yesterday
Through forgotten cloud –
As I quivered under the dry
Of pouring dry rains –
My eyes swelled silently shut
From the lack of tears this eve –
My shiver, it completely melted
From the glassiness of now –
She feeds on his lies and games
She stays with him even though he calls her nasty names
I wish he would go away and never come back
The mother daughter relationship is beginning to crack
because of this boyfriend of hers she has changed her whole attitude towards me
Anything i say is wrong and his word is taken like the golden rule he has really turned
her into a fool. She says he loves her, so not true I know his kind, they will beat you
black and blue if don't do what they say or do what they want, they use their fists
without a second thought.
Like a tsunami from the ocean
I want to churn everything, inside out
But rue the fact that,
Like a bubble in the air
Have to be content with only
Being fidgety inside myself.
When the rocks try to stop
The natural flow of river, downwards
Even the transparent water, gets bloodied,
Breaking its head on the rocks,
I can feel its squirming and quibbling
But can remain only a mute spectator.
Whenever I feel oppressed, in any form
My heart seethes and fumes
My blood Inside tends to boil over
Only to become cold again, why?
Perhaps it is not in my nature to retaliate,
Then, am I condemned remaining wounded, perpetually?
Unable to do much about oppressive relations,
I pine away with my grief
Only wishing I could also free myself
And others of the oppression and the pain it inflicts
And enjoy the happiness and freedom
endowed by nature, in relations.
But looking at nature’s infinite vastness, where
Despite tight bonding and discipline in every bit
All relationships out there enjoy
Innate freedom, harmony and fairness
Then Wounds inflicted by the experience of oppression,
Fill me with jealousy and pain even harder and deeper.
Hope is life, maybe quite dreamlike
The change, which would destroy
the current forms of oppressions
and build relationships, free and fair, anew
seems to be a far cry, as of now.
the volcanoes are also destined to remain
dormant inside, for centuries, before they erupt.
Self Translation of my Hindi poem 'Parivartan'
Like search for soothing green pastures,
In the heartless dry heat of summer months,
And running after a shimmering, ever elusive mirage,
Why are human relations increasingly getting brittle?
Increasingly narrowing and stifling humaneness,
Like searching for an oasis in a desert,
Our life journeys becoming longer but more lonely,
Are these signs of social progress we wanted?
May be, poisonous gases of global warming
Are less harmful than invisible winds of inequality
that discreetly spread scourge of excessive greed,
Is this not the result of collective selfishness of us?
Comment: Perhaps, inequality of any kind is root cause of human suffereing.
Oppressed by you, your state, your religion
So you think you good, kind and Superior
But I find you cruel, arrogant and callous
But that is just in my view, what do I know?
You control the language that describes pain
But there is no for me in its grid, or how I feel
My soul is ripped from my body and bound,
On to your machines on which I slave and toil.
You say it has to be this way, no room for doubt
Master and slave, it is only a matter of degrees
But it is my kind that is always tied to the rack
While you sip vintage wine in the lap of luxury.
Everything has its time and its place, yours is over
End is near, for you and everything you hold dear
Everything carries with it the root of its own destruction
And I will rejoice now that your has very nearly come.
Lover lover where do I begin?
Laughing at your predicament.
Seeing you crumble.
Lover lover why are you there?
Seeing you lying, breathing with no air.
Do not dare to look at me with such despair.
Lover lover what can I do?
There is nothing I can do.
Laughing at your self pity.
Lover lover what is wrong?
Do you seem to not like the handcuffs?
Incredibly I do, seeing you there vulnerable.
Lover Lover do you not see?
You belong in the ground.
That is were all lovers are found.
a well dressed mess,
I am but a man
with a sinister past
are three verbs I tend
to utilize while writing.
because writing is my outlet,
my craved for aperture,
even my superlative release
in the pursuit of an escape
from a reality which once
was capable of compelling
my lips to crease into a smile,
but now only fills my chest
with the tension of a thousand
cold-sweat soaked nightmares.
These three vulgar verbs
keep my mind lucid
through my abdication
of actuality for the
of thought required
to keep these demons
composed of crushed pills
and empty bottles at bay.
I feel the genius today.
I love every word, letter,
and line that I'm writing.
but tomorrow I'll hate this.
I'll think this sh*t is worthless
as I consider deleting it all.
Yet I can't part with it.
like my utter inability to
forget & let go of this fading
amatory connection whose
love once gave me hope as
well as sex that left scars,
both cerebral and somatic.
I loved her so f***ing much
and if I'm being honest,
I must admit I still do.
as a parting favor
I simply ask you not
to confound these
words I write with
apathy and despair;
they may sting off
the tip of my tongue
but they come from
a place that's sincere
and filled with more
than mere goodwill.
I simply have a crestfallen
& despondent perspective.
This, too, will
pass with time.
or so they say.
Me and my mouse,
we clicked together so much
loved it to bits,
loved it to pieces
It likes my touch,
when I tickle its
I tap,tap, tap it
and it squeaks, squeaks, squeaks
It follows me around
whenever I do my poetry
and I let it roll, run, roll
as it goes round and round its wheel...
It likes soup.
So much so,
that it likes it hot,
super hot soup...
But I am afraid
That I am bored with my mouse...
But I got tired of tickling you.
But I think you need to rest.
My fingers are tired with stroking you...
I better rest.
It's for the best.
I don't think
we click too much at all...
We'll still be friends, don't worry.
And you shouldn't like
your soup too hot anyway,
because it burns your tongue,
and also my fingers
because I always need to
dip my fingers in
to see if it is hot enough.
I think I will also
keep away from hot soup.
I don't like it too spicy.
Spicy can get boring too,
because it can numb your senses.
I am bored with you.
But hugs still to you,
it was fun while it lasted :)
*For Linda's I am Bored with __________ contest :)
**I got jealous of people talking about how much they love their
cats and dogs... I don't have either :(, I only have a mouse...
but so sad, I am bored with it now....maybe I should get
myself a fish.
In the back of bars,
Places my soul Shouldn't
But isn't this an
Altar, just like the
One you worship?
One in the same.
Ignominy, and I
Smug your face
as you do mine.
Soon we'll waste
Away and forget
We even had this
All i want from you is me...
You rise above me on your lofty pedestal
Cracking your razored whip
Ordering my possibilities
Leaving your intricate patterns on my back
Red lace adorns your masterpiece
I chip at the base of your column
Choosing for your mighty to fall
You are unaware of your teetering
Cracks adorn your insignificance
Your monument betrays you
True power lays waste to your beliefs
The bottom always determines what stays on top
Look into these eyes
See past your own disaster
My power resides within my compassion
I do not wish to rule your castle
Freedom lives beyond your gates
I was not born to be your enemy
Hate does not flow through these veins
Justice shall not be served by my blade
You instead scurry to the top of your rubble
Impale yourself with rusted sword
Fleeing your own salvation
You answer your ghosts
Delivered by you own injustice
No one left to mourn your passing
You believed you could go no lower
Unaware Hell would embrace you in serpent arms
After all you descended from your father
A fallen angel has no where else to fall
Verlena S. Walker's Slam Round 2 contest.
Blues in the Night.
A malignant moon
shines his metallic claws -
combs my hair and brushes me forward.
I am alone in the shadowy crooks
of a poisoned metropolis.
A clandestine garbage chute -
where waifs and strays burn
within the fetid bowels
of a cavernous concrete underbelly.
The orphanage awaits my arrival,
as muted outcries are crushed
beneath my footsteps.
A parentless prison
teeters atop Utopia's dreaded brim;
the hamlet where Orwell slew Hilton.
St. Peter has been released
and no longer tends the kitchen.
Agony and angel wings reneged
a redundant brotherhood of sorts.
His recipe for remorse shall be missed.
Blues in the Night.
In the distance,
feigned epileptic outbursts
placates a patron's fears.
stimulates another's venial sins
as it magnifies their cardinal options.
An insomnious woman converses
with a napkin holder. The surface
is dull and unreflective, like she.
Banter never-to-be heard
by her never-to-be gentleman caller.
I am home –
amongst the dead I adore.
A haggard waitress serves me a menu.
A laminated journal stained
with melancholy and mustard.
Desolation and demi-tasse
are tonight’s midnight special.
Ten cents additional, if you order deluxe.
Blues in the Night.
I twiddle my thumbs
for I have no other’s to borrow.
I catch my rugged reflection
in the asylum’s window.
I espy my counterpart again
in a twisted spoon -
realizing I’m three utensils short
from a grievous quartet salted
with Mack Sennett misfits.
A collection of dishes clatter
above the sanatorium’s jukebox.
I place my spoon on the counter
and pick up a lifeless knife.
I envy its potential and possibilities
as Woody Herman croons
in the background.
The abscessed wounds of
a betrayed heart fester
from desertion and deceit.
She takes solitude in shadows
gnawing herself red and raw,
rankling in private torment;
gnashing her teeth.
Until pain and grief turn noxious
with a fury justly sworn
to the retributory scourge
of a woman's woeful scorn.
Weary and sluggish with apathy and
disinterest, I nervously reflect and
My thoughts--thick and heavy like
molasses--churn and swirl in and out of my
head and spill against the background of
dead silence of my apartment living room.
They are in constant motion, while I sit in
the living room mute and gagged and bound
with the world-weariness of a lifetime and
stare blankly into empty space by looking
Even the furnishings around me defer to
my sullen mood. Not saying a word and
bowing their heads, they hold their tongues
and keep their thoughts to themselves out
of respect and deference for my silent and
otherwise always on and hyper-gregarious,
for once regards my sullenness and apathy
with its own.
I sit thus—
but in the sympathetic company of my
furniture and belongings.
They whisper to me of a time when I was
sinful and wanton and remind me of the
need for redemption.
I remember, and take heed by repenting.
By doing so, I have avoided reaping and
a harvest of sins.
Like sick allergies,
Boredom can be passed around
I call it: THE BOREDOM DISEASE
Like a horrid storm,
Boredom can catch you off guard
Hold on for DEAR LIFE!
Like the whooping cough,
Boredom can be serious
If I were you, I’d
Get a vaccination !
I sailed unaware into
the ocean currents
of her life:
desired to ride
them with her;
the ocean ways, a
seed of love
planted in the soil of
my heart had taken root
and grew--only to perish
a young hope
though I loved her,
like a careless
In spite of
this and myself,
in her stare;
at the outlines
of her graceful
I did wonder:
a Helen of Troy, a prize,
on whose loveliness
so richly gorged!
But never was
a lonely man
as she could
not return my
with equal measure of feeling.
I would be more
glad had she been
unwedded to another,
could easily be within
In time, I
and love, or the
appearance of it--like
flushed down the
with her parting
Another new day has begun
and I've been given one more day
to feel the pain I always feel
from knowing that I don't belong
and that I should have never been
Another chance to mourn my dreams
as I watch them laid to rest
and wait for death to come and trade
this earthly hell for one that's earned
with the sins that are my own
Yet one more day that I may cry
though countless tears I've cried before
again examining the faults
that I regretfully possess
within this useless bag of flesh
Another day for me to swim
in the pool of my self hate
though I've been hated all my life
no one could ever hate me more
than I already hate myself
I've gained more time so I can think
about that which is wrong with me
and everything thing I cannot change
for I have tried and always fail
to change what is just meant to be
Then again it's one more day
that brings me closer to the end
of my pain and worthlessness
when I'll no longer have to face
the darkness that consumes my mind
Inspired by Sami Al-Khaliti's The Cynical Heart contest
One reads about the famous ones, them
that live a life of stress, about taking
all sorts of pick-me-up-pills
then downers, so they can rest.
Well I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing
to call my own, but life to me is still up
and down without the use
of any poison of a sort.
The movie stars worry about their movies,
the recording artists just the same, big
Businessman thinking of his next
contract, the player of his next game.
Some days I’m on top of the world
the next deep in its abyss, so I just
sit and write poetry that gathers
in and around my head.
(Then just worry about them that worry.)
Oh, how I miss the dead…
... the softness in their voices
That I cannot recreate,
the warmth of their silence
Where now only cold remains;
And I know, oh how I know
That they are long gone
And I have been long removed
From those fuller times
But still, when I feel around my heart
I find that it is missing things
Parts long lost and dearly missed,
And I sit here feeling fatally incomplete
And I know- that I can never be whole again.
But I still miss the dead,
And I miss the times
When I never knew
That I would live on
Missing the days when I was whole…
-So I still miss the dead
And the times when I was not hollowed by loss
Living every day with a lighter heart
So far from the times
when I would never be whole again.
And now, so far removed
from fuller times,
These few missing holes
they let in a chill wind
And somehow, these missing holes
they leave my heart heavy
And I know that it will grow heavier yet,
But I dread
That when I am lost
I die not just incomplete
Empty of all I could yet lose.
lose your mind
leave your head /behind/
get in line
grab a hand
we're making it
you're making it /now/
Rope of the dead
Rope of sand
selling you soap
hope no hope
take no stand
said where you're led/
/now/ we're making it
you're taking it
Rope of the dead
Rope of sand
Shards of shimmering and redolent recollection, of images memories and distant life actions. Long since transpired, and now nothing holds my hand, yet thoughts still swarm my mind and sway my intentions today! overlaid reflections of former events flicker, as my desires and perceived values now play their scenes to a heatless aurora of irrelevance's, halogenic in flames and spouts of unresponsiveness, unyielding mediocrity now is coupled with both the current and contemporary, we are so bereft of creativity in the veins of social life, while in the public arteries flows the stuff of nightmare and mass animosity...
Copyright Joe Maverick 2011
For awhile, I thought I had.
Letting go, the small things that hurt.
They are tiny compared to past, trashed confidence.
Never quite finding my true place in the equation.
Maybe the answer is stuck in some ugly , frothing math book, somewhere.
If so, I won't look there.
I am made of heart.
My only thinking muscle.
Whether beating with joy or pain,
it's beat is reliable.
My only true measure of my own reality.
Even broken, it is less painful than letting it rely on misguided thoughts.
Feeling lost, while watching agendas, that seem to be the norm.
Other people's norms..........not mine.
I will never understand the meaning of "self first".
I have lived my life for others, since the day I cried at birth.
My birth, an inconvenience to a womb.
My existence, to make a childless couple happy.
A friend, to soften the blows of life for the masses.
A Mother, to succeed and fail.
A lover, to give and give and give.
A spirit to fly.
A soul, to yearn.
A body to tire.
Watching simple selfishness, destroy our world.
Reaching with an open, soft hand.....just to so narrowly miss, sharing a loving
A touch, that might have saved a sightless and misunderstood, silent innocent.
We stay in the background.
We have been conditioned by our own experiences, our own shortcomings, our
A balance, perhaps?
To keep the equation from tipping over the universal rhythms?
I feel it.
Heavy, with doubts of belonging.
Wondering how the self absorbed agendas of the stronger minds, stay crisp.
No illusive smudges.
No room for throwing the afore said agendas, into the hammock overviews, of a
Find my place?
I'm probably on a list, somewhere.
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
They called it school
I called it hell
From the huge imposing prison like doors
To the doom like toll of the bell
Everyday the same
Running for the school bus
Full of uncivilized Wild kids
Being pushed and shoved
Countless kids in uniform
Fearing the teachers and the day they were born
Satchel bags and lucky bags
Late for lessons again
Going to the headmasters office
For the cane ooh how my bum was in pain
Teacher at the blackboard
Pupils getting bored thinking about girls
Motorbikes and cars
Playing football in the yard
Playing sports in skirts and shorts
The one too big that moma bought
School desks fountain pens and ink
Boy how some of my classmates did stink
Trying to blow up the science lab
Bubbly gum and sherbert dabs
Giggling girls and bashful boys
Girls jutting out everywhere
Pigtails and ribbon on their hair
Always getting into a fight
Going home with a torn blazer and black eye every night
Lots of kisses on my homework
Rolling about in the dirt
Pouring ink into the headmasters aquarium
Holes in your trouser bum
Crafty cigarette hidden behind a wall
Morning assembly in the hall
School dinners you couldn't pick
Forced down your throat and made you sick
Being punished and kept behind doing lines
I must have wrote 'I must be good' a million times
Frog spawn put into teachers bag
Gas taps left on in the lab
The school nurse giving you a jab
Riot breaks out in class Running a race on sports day and coming last
Pea shooter and catapult Pulling your tongue out and being rude to adults
First love and nervous thumbled kiss
Girls with new sticky out bits
Hair growing in places it didn't before
Limbs aching and so sore
Always in trouble up to no good playing truant in the wood
Letting the tiers down on the headmasters car
Girls wearing training bra's
Exams were such a sham but wrote the answers under the bandage on my
hand Teachers talking about things I didn't understand
What a waste of time I was going to be a pop star and soon a man
Those daydreams of youth that still remain aloof
Hiding in the bushes watching girls playing hockey and net ball on the field
I still recall how that used to feel
Long school summer holidays away from hell
School books thrown down the well
Then back to school again to days of terror
And pain up early facing hell.
Peter Dome,copyright.2014. July.
Hell hath no replete replica like an Ohiohell
memom memoboys dispelled with lovelessloss lorn laments
measured in misgiven gravid neutral grautities of cool compromised cruel
capsid cascades of dreary demented drowsy dump deep demented deny desires
with wilfull wallowing in unsupposed not to be here
herein two boys born to a numbnuts army husbodad and a
WTF what is happening in/outside this family 50's acircle
what comes next in the uneducated female nonintuition of a
deaddad accidential with a pity piss payoff and a whatdoIdo anal attitude
totally in reverse of an arkansas hope of upheaveal. GDMFSOB, who could I/we haVE
BeeN in the assinine scheme of things with someone in an intersomewhateducated semistate of minimal MFconsciousness. We play the hand we are dealt in the vast unscheme of unness.
WTF, and where/why does God take part and lessen a small boy's dream of donated dadhood by taking it away and leave him left to faulterflounder in a boyhood abyss. Dead, devoid, denied to the manmale circumstance of what the future folds to be delivered to doting descendents, like my three sons. with whom I struggled to
shower, impart, enable, enbibe, instill, foster, enliven, and all that I did not experience yet faux provide with an inner soulsense to a measured milestone of mannered man manufactured love and tendered texture of all mine to give with that that is mustered macro from a micro counteanace of humocapped coperal deliverance. All's fair they say unless u have been there and then it's every man for himself---and then, I dare u to get in my way---------no holds barred, look out for I am a survivor, all the way.
Hi, my name is Dave, and according to my grandparents, I wasn't supposed to live to be raised. Go figure.
saloons are just another form of dealing with depression
I hate drinking away nights
saying yes to bartenders
saying no to reality
take a dip in the cold waters
harsh and real
life is for losers I thought
but maybe I should really try living sometime
Regarded as cruel
Yea...I am upset
Ticked off to say the least....
A real great friend you are!
I am just....cho...
what's your reason this time?
Love is a wonder
shared by one another
it's the only reason
I'm not six feet under
Love in which I believe
in a will to sustain
I give back to life, now
in dormant states of pain
The power of Love
may not alone be enough
locked inside my dreams
escape only from above
higher than any human being
has ever gone before
I must have evolved
rise above hate, great once more
My Father taught me wisdom
I am imprisoned no longer
now an beast not of burden
I am no lion, I am stronger
on my shoulder sits twin dragons
long awaiting the day
evil forces come forth to
take what Love is left, away
A Hero of Love light
are what the world needs
angels, not demons
exist where ever you believe
follow your heart's direction
and you shall achieve
objects of affection
rid of materialistic greed
My bright energy
has awakened to a fire
never consuming the source
as the flames just grow higher
that is the desire
of a product we call Love
Fear, the counterpart
what I was once made of
I am slowly learning
how to win when my peace
is harder to sharpen
so I have given my pen leave
the sword has its uses
I must say I believe
to vanquish the evil
in the minds too diseased
to serve any purpose
except their own selfish ones
tomorrow a new day
in the clarity of the sun
where we two are now one
and one done now does
bring about a great change
lit by the righteousness of Love.
a world without comfort --
lost without love --
without touching wounds...
where is love?
Frail fingers grope...
through gray eternity --
Found love will laugh,
we deceived ourselves.
Complicitors, we lied.
we defied danger,
practiced brilliant fabrication --
but truth was stranger.
Others know desire:
ever changing years -- and lifetimes --
reaching towards the moon.
Love, be my way.
A Salesman's Dilemma
Authored by Chuck Keys
Today is the day.
Today is my day.
I am going to do it.
All of it,
No one can stop me today,
Not even my dog demanding a walk,
Nor a service-needy client.
If the President of the United States calls, sorry, I'm too busy.
I have an appointment.
Shower, shave, brush my teeth, floss, comb my hair and get dressed.
Suit and shirt are pressed and clean underwear too.
Shoes are polished, money in my wallet.
The car washed and gassed up.
Yep, definitely ready, now.
Okay, I'm on the way...
Should be there, sooner or later,
Traffic is not too bad.
Hope I'm not late,
Early is okay too.
But this is important,
Need to be prompt and alert.
Here's the address. (in nice office building)
Ah, here's suite 100. I'll just walk in.
"Yes, I'm here to see Mrs. R...,"
"And she is expecting me."
Oh, we're sorry, but Mrs. R.. had an emergency,
She's out of the office all day.
Do you want to re-schedule?
Today as I stand here,
With your name engraved not just on stone
But in the hearts of millions who thank you
For not letting them cry,
I feel proud that it was you…
We wish you were here,
There’s not a day we don’t think of you.
There’s not a minute we don’t miss you.
But we’re glad you ran into death
So that a thousand others could walk into life.
It was not your duty,
You weren’t meant to be there,
But you took it up,
Did what you had to do
As a citizen of the global world.
The little ones will never know
What a wonderful person you were.
But they’ll always know that
You were a hero…
How you died for the greater good…
Tears, grief, pride, longing - a blend of everything.
Its been ten years, ten long years
But the memory’s still fresh and cutting.
It still hurts to know
That you could be here had you stayed back.
But you didn’t and that’s made you a hero.
You ran straight into it
While a thousand others were running away.
Your death is history….
Millions died with you
But you stand out ‘coz you made your choice.
As I stand here, I know that a decade ago, today
You were here somewhere,
Running into a cloud of dust and ashes
Searching for the smallest sign of movement
To bring them back to life.
Somewhere between the despair and hope
You forgot to breathe…
I pray every day that
History would rewind itself
Back to that fateful September morning,
Not because I want to hold you back…
But because I want to come with you…
It would have made a difference.
I know it would have…
I know you’re with me
In my dreams, in my daily life
Laughing at my blunders,
Guiding me through hardships.
My guardian angel…
On this September morning,
Not exactly the same as before,
Here I am telling the world
That my twin brother died
Saving the victims of 9/11.
"life can be warped into new beginnings, when you least expect it"
somber and dark the mood
embracing the abyss of his thoughts
twisted images of reality
engrossed in truth
lurking beyond the light
reality seems too dark
maybe the light is the other way
too far to turn back
no crossroads in sight
"stick with what you know" the voice said
what if I don't know anything?
where to now?
lurking beyond the light
everything so twisted
even his heart...
twisted images of reality
engrossed in truth
Contest Name: A Poem, Please
By: Wilma N. Neels
The Noose is tightening.
The 5’s and 10’s yanked from our hands and aching backs
Are spent on band-aids:
A last stand effort to plug the holes in our hearts
When the price of drowning is only getting higher
So we turn to tiny acts of thievery
Taxes prettied up, cashiers uncorrected,
Stealing at the edges because we’re backed into corners,
Glittering with promises corners
Dripping with possibility,
With Island resort wallpaper
Sold in bulk at Wal-Mart for
Profit: A trail of crumbs called America-
Which has curdled our souls and we love it!
And hate it and gossip about it and think obsessively about it and then
We find the most expensive friends our looks can afford,
Shopping for substance (50% off)
Staring through the eye of a screen
Light speed in pursuit of heaven on earth (Ignore the plastic)-
We die of ADHD.
Never having had the chance to smell the genetically modified roses.
Never having had the chance to see through this kingdom of ideas
As we served out our sentence to life in cubicle.
I engineered an intricate design,
determined to be action,
not thoughtful stasis.
But, isolate and distant --
a preserver of decorum --
formal, unexposed, and safe --
with bounds determined
by tight, sane strictures,
I did not struggle,
could not escape nor abandon place --
became, instead, a creature
habit-ridden: a cousin
to the circus seal
that honks a horn
You collapse to the ground
I hurry to catch you
Whispering words of destitution, tiredness, and fatigue
You tell me you’re tired
Weary to live like this
With this illness
How it shuts every door
Pains to the core
Slowly, spitefully, you start to lose yourself
I fear that in my every soul
Tears of ache run down my sight
I yell at you, beg you at you to stop
Demand you to discontinue
Thrive for that promise of yours
Tell me it’ll all be okay
Tell me you’ll get better
Awe me with your dreams
Inspire me with every act of good of yours
Every city you wish to route every street of its
Every sunset you wish to set eyes on
Every night sky, full of bright blazing miracles
But you don’t
You tell me you can’t
And I ask of you to do that
But although that
Although every worry that ties me
Every doubt, every tear, every darkest misery
You surrender and leave
Leave me there
All anxious and terrified
Of what comes next
What is due to occur
And it frightens me
Keeps staring at the empty space
With thoughts and thoughts
We began with nothing
And what’s left is nothing
But all that we began with
And the storm calls to me in ways you'll never understand
A gentle call that urges my soul forth
The lighting guiding a path for my feet to walk
Between the stones and ash of all that once was
I stand in the echoing silence of the rain
It drops down upon my skin like the blessing waters of heaven
Soothing me, lifting the weight from my body
I feel at once as if I am home
Standing amid two dimensions
Caught between two skies - here and there
The night wraping around me in warmth
The gentle wind lifting me off my feet
Drops from the clouded moon washing away my body
and I am left just a soul, an essence
The storm calls me forth from beneath my roof
Beckoning me into its depth
I stand among the reeds in the basin
They dance and sway as if welcoming me
And I sway with them back
Caught up in the power that charges the air
That threatens to sweep me away
If the ground will just loosen its hold
The thunder rumbles a low welcoming growl
And I get pleasently lost within it
I am so small compared to its vastness
I close my eyes and succumb to the skies wishes
Rising higher until my feet no longer touch the ground
My fingertips touch the liquid color of the stars
A sigh drifts from my lips
There is no need of thought to stay afloat
There is no demand to breathe in air
No crushing weight upon my chest
As my lungs struggle to survive
There are no struggles here
I make my bed on blackened clouds
And give in to the call
The storm has claimed me as its own
It was such a struggle to stay upon the ground
When the storm would call me home
Reflections of imperfections
have shown me a way
that I can move mountains
through my power of faith
even though I can't see him
I know he is real
through the power of prayer
and a Love that I feel
It's growing inside me
like a flower in bloom
shall I reveal my powers
or is it too soon
I am reading the signs
through my darkness I find
a reason for belief in
the light of mankind
that I know shall overcome
the greatest of odds
the Love I seek amazes me
especially through the flaws
because now I am inspired
through the hero's that bring
my throne through the darkness
on which I return on as your King.
A scream stretches out into the night
A desperate call heard but with guilt ignored
An echoing beacon of another battle commence
As neighbours run to their bunkers to escape its call
As blood drips from walls
In separate tombs
Two children wait in line
Hoping and praying they won't reach the head this time
Dreading what raised voices and familiar shouts will bring
As they desperately hide beneath timid sheets
That had always failed to provide cover they need
As blood drips from walls
A mother throws herself into the line of fire
Desperate to protect her kids from his fists full of anger
For she knows if she's not there where next he will turn
As her blood drips from walls
Plates, cups, glass become the bullets
In a battle for the kitchen door
Whilst trapped inside for now her children's safety she is sure
As blood drips from walls
Drink the finger on the trigger held
Cruel words the shrapnel that went so deep
Every punch of his fist the mighty bomb
That tempted fate to end this once and for all
As blood drips from walls
The excited barking dog
Becomes the friendly fire
As her arms try to block the punches
The dog bites into what he doesn't know
A scream of pain for a moment sets still time
As blood drips from walls
Two children shudder as the ambulance pulls up outside
The flashing lights a breeze of hope dancing on their bedroom ceilings
Just maybe somebody might come and take them now
Guilty in their selfish need as they feared for their mother loved
As blood drips from walls
But as they drifted into exhausted sleep
Freed for a night from his rage as he sat and feared losing all he controlled
In a hospital room their mother retreated into a lie
Surrendered all of them to many years more
Because more than she feared the war
She was terrified of the loneliness from losing his love
Believing every time he told her you're not good enough
As blood drips from walls
The remnants of my breakfast
resemble the remnants of
my nocturnal glowing chimera.
The yellow streaks left
by the bulls eye (sunny-side up)
were like the broken moonbeams
that spilled through my trembling fingers
over my face, forcing me to confront
my insomnia, my nightmares.
I wake up and stare at the moon.
Corpulent and cavernous,
a trap door in that aerial abyss
with its pale yellow that sucks out
colours from every object it touches
with the steady consistency of
a recurring hallucination.
Sole witness to my
- Jeena Mary Chacko (May 29, 2011)
This night, I am trapped behind a face.
My eyes are barred with tears that blur
the look in them I would like so much for you to see.
I try a different face, one that splits into a smile at the lips
but the teeth are whitewashed, and they encage
a voice—a song—a story—that needs air to breathe.
Anger means I must glower, perhaps brighten my
pale cheeks with artificial colors. Who was it
that said blood within must always be crimson?
I choose laughter next, but I am tired of my own laugh;
it has stayed the same for countless years
and the sound is so distant that I cannot hear it
from deep down there inside my heart.
This night, I cannot bear this face I wear
for it is too small a field for my emotions to play.
There are lips, red again, meant for speech
but the words I utter must always be of some language,
one or another I must choose amongst the millions
made by these same lips in revolutionary times.
There are eyes, “windows”, they have always been called
but the cutting winds have long since deprived
them of their original clarity—now they are clouded, dull,
and always cleansed back to nothingness by constant tears.
This night, I cannot bear this face I wear.
So I plunge my fingers into the skin, tearing it away,
feeling the wind scream and rush into the vast space,
swirling down the tunnel toward that heart at the bottom
that is thumping with anxiety; it has long awaited this day.
A day of freedom, a day to shoot up into view,
when nothing is contorted and fitted into words,
tears, smiles, sounds, colors….
My faceless face gapes at the night sky, where stars
hold together another faceless face,
and the feelings, tangled and ripe, ripe from all the anticipation
shout and hurtle upwards like a pack of angels.
I climb through dense brambles to hide.
Light flickers to find me,
I don’t feel safe here, and run on.
I’m in a dark house and move back and back through the rooms.
I hear him asking someone if they had seen me.
I curl up tighter into my hidden place under old clothes.
I feel him closer.
I don’t see him.
I run again and find a disconnected darkness.
As I cover myself with leaves,
It all begins to fade,
The darkness, the details, the uneasiness;
I awake, and sit up clearing the cobwebs of the dream out of my sleep.
I reach out for my husband.
He raises to his elbow and touches me.
His sleepy voice says, “Oh good, you’re here —
I’ve been chasing after you,
And no one would tell me where you were.”
She retraces the past to uncover the mystery of the many failed relationships.
The first date seems to generate some fireworks.
This entices her to tempt fate and go out again.
Sometimes there is more of a connection and other times she strikes out.
The third date things get more intimate as more secrets are uncovered.
The next thing she knows he is all over or he might wait one more date to get
Yet in that moment the situation has become too intense for her to handle.
She slaps his arm and flees from the vicinity.
Yet she always wonders what could have been.
She thinks back to why she struggles with a guy wanting physical contact with
She admits to herself she suffers from a low self worth.
In middle school she remembers being called ugly while the guys shoved her
While she has untapped this clairvoyant moment, the rush of it all still
I know I left turmoil,
a world that doesn't understand.
I realize in this after life
there was more for me to give.
I wish I could explain
the choice that I made.
Life just seemed so dark,
an asylum I couldn't contain.
As the world tried to comfort me,
keep me sane,
I found myself still dying,
living in my pain.
My ways were incomparable,
no one could have kept me here.
Even when I was surrounded,
I felt alone in my skin.
People tried to save me,
encourage me to live,
but as the darkness overtook me,
I drowned in all my nightmares.
Sighing in my last moments,
I knew no one could comprehend
that in my most lonely times
I had to make it end.
I wish I could explain,
but no one could truly understand.
NOTE: (I know notes aren't supposed to be here, but I don't want people to freak out from
topic) This poem is NOT about me, or current thoughts that I have to harm myself. I have a
coworker, as well as another friend, who had a close friend commit suicide. In the past I
have struggled with depression, so I can empathize with how this person felt, and even
though it is extremely dark, this poem has been going through my head for a few days now.
I love you.
But you play your
On a bleak night and
I am left-
In my coffin
Eyes drowning in chasms
Left wide open-
Wearing a black dress
With a white collar
Sweeping dust and talking
All the delicate Ballerinas
Of the world
Softly dance with those
Who were told they were
Too fat to perform
When they were alive
And the Cavaliers watch from afar-
As they write poetry drained
With Disdain towards
They never had and never lost
The Emersons and the Twains
The Einsteins, Newtons, and Hookes-
Scribble formulas on napkins
As they try to calculate
The changing notes your Piano Plays---
The kings quarrel and start a war.
Scared for the life I have already lost I-
Clench to the hand of the
Man next to me
Who died of cancer because he
Swore and drank too much
All our thoughts collide
The piano plays on
And it all flashes before me-
The Wars in the name of God
Centuries filled with Nothing
It all flashes before me-
As we die again
The process repeats itself at least twice-
Until I wake up in my bed,
Take off my earphones
And stare at the
Empty room around me.
Dad, I never doubted anything you ever said.
You had been my constant source for
information and authority from my earliest
memories. So I believed you every time
you called my worthless. You said I'd never
amount to anything. Said my love of lyrics
was a ticket to the welfare line. For years
I bought every word you pitched on me.
Then I met her.. She was beautiful and
transparent. Her life was one authentic
walk. I wrote her one of my worthless
love songs. She cried and said it was the
most amazing thing she had ever read. In
a moment, that moment. I changed. I
stopped believing your lies and began to
trust myself. Nothing has been the same since.
I married that beautiful girl, made a career
out of lyrics, and forgave you. If I live to be
a hundred, I will never forget that moment!
This moment is what it is because of that moment...
Contest: Linda's "In The Moment"
I sit here,
disappointed in this failed plan,
not completely surprised at this fate,
Murphy has decided to step into my space.
I saw it coming,
its how my story goes,
I try to go my own way,
but in his mischievous head shows.
Here I go again,
seems the phrase is true,
"Expect the worst, hope for the best"
what else is a girl to do?
I'd like to say I was cold to this,
didn't really care,
but honestly, even with the expectation,
I was hoping Murphy wouldn't show up here.
So here I sit alone now,
wishing one day I'd be free,
but Murphy keeps on showing up,
he has his own plans for me.
You found me.
It was easy for you.
You cut through two time zones
And miles of red tape without a road map,
Then fell to my front door.
I became an imprint on your brain
From my birth.
You were where you were
And I was where I am now.
You felt me from the beginning
And watched me grow,
Knowing what I looked like
Before you saw my face,
Recognizing my voice
Before you heard me speak.
Alike in every conceivable way
And opposite in every opposite way,
And all of it right.
I knew. I knew you were coming.
You knew it too.
You called out my name. Remember?
All those necessary years gone forever.
You told me who I was,
But there is no going back---
"Don't ever go back," someone said.
Now, you are full of regrets.
I am not.
Very few meet their equal and opposite half.
You will never find me again.
I will never find you,
But we can both celebrate love.
Im crazy and a bit neurotic
I am beautifully phycotic
Im spectical and negative
because of the past
I am fantasticlly pessimistic
Im angry and im bitter
Because of how this world made me
I am pathedicly codependent
because not many have been there
Im a thinker and a speaker
wouldnt you like to know
I am kind until betrayed than im cold and cruel
vicious and sneaky like a snake to its prey
I am caring ,until you dont care
then ill tear you to shreds
I am loving til you hate me
Then ill hate you to death
I am forgiving of little things
But if you take it to far ill go away
I am a perfect friend and a scary enemy
I mean sleep with your eyes open scary
If your good to me im better to you
If your bad to me im worse to you
There is a reason for everything I am
The devil walks
and while the devil sits
the devil picks up a tired fruit
rotting, and with jagged nails he peals
slowly, the tender fruit bruising
and he tastes it, smacking his dried lips
and the devil eats
decayed fruit and sour wine nothing lush and sating
then the devil rests
and resumes his walk,
and later the devil sits again
rubs his feat
and goes to bed
and in the morning
he breaks his fast on curses and lies nothing so filling as figs and nuts
and begin the devil’s walk again,
on the road our thoughts paved
where all that grows is bad and unwell
to the cross our words built
where flames dance and all is unwell
and he is condemned
upon the hearing of his name
and the wobbling of his first steps
to walk a road less traveled,
to be the leader
of our very own crusade
armed with words
to see him burn,
our crusade of one
on roads first paved upon his birth
to bring the devil down.
The devil walks
The devil eats
and pelted by our stones
He does but sleep
For what we sow
The devil reaps
and there is justice in punishment
there is reward in reckoning
there is bitterness in my mouth
as I say these words
You were like a serpent
Whispering in my ear
The most extrodinary lies...
You were like the APPLE
Sweet and FORBIDDEN...
Once I BIT of your essence
My EYES were OPENED...
A myriad of colors
Assailed my senses
Like I've never known before
Left me quivering after you...
The simultaneous orgasm
Sounded like a fairy tale
Until...your cunning and craftiness
Showed me the way...
And now I know
The difference between GOOD s_x and BAD s_x...
I enjoyed your every touch
How you made my body feel alive!
But, now I have been
CAST AWAY from my GARDEN of pleasure
Cast away from YOUR LOVE and touch
Now, I must TOIL
In my own SWEAT and in the sun
Looking for a SERPENT
With the magic touch you held
Oh, to be BLIND once more!
Now, every man
Doesn't measure up
To your EVIL
Ecstasy of pleasure and SIZE
Now I am in the hot
Desert of the world
WEEPING and GNASHING
trying to find
The GRAINS of GOOD s_x
Among the WEEDS
Of lousy lovers
I almost told you yesterday.
I almost told you today.
I'll probably almost tell you tomorrow, and again after that day.
Almost is a broken word,
its filled with silent vows,
it leaves things hanging—
all the whats and whys and hows.
One day it'll falter and the words will come out
in a rush they'll holler, scream, and shout.
Repressed for so long, they'll make themselves heard
just wait for the day when almost is deferred.
Have you ever realized
just how much it hurts
to be trampled upon?
People taking you for granted,
for every miserable day of your life.
They need you to get where they are,
so they won’t have to get dirty,
so that their paths could be a bit easier for them
but you never are truly recognized for it…
You are just a boring accessory
not worthy to be taken note of
It’s like in their eagerness
to reach that place, to meet that somebody-
they just skip, step, jump all over you
and just not appreciate
My curse though
is that I can’t cry out—
only remain stoic, hard.
So I can withstand
all that weight,
of all those people using me
with them rarely looking back.
I know my purpose…
but it still hurts to realize
that this is all that I ever will be…
A stepping stone.
To dreams, to love, to life--
forgotten, left behind
**For Catie's Stoned contest
There’s some honey, so you can take they said
There’s some sugar, you might enjoy they say
But then you might not enjoy it by the end.
Within the sweetness of the word,
There’s the sweetness of the soul
But the bittersweet taste in this mouth isn’t a foul
Cause this taste they said I might enjoy then, I certainly don’t do now.
There’s the sweetness that rests upon this body,
The sweetness streaming by the currents,
Swirling and twisting in miraculous ways,
Just cascading into another future
But then while forming now the present to the future.
This transformation brings great changes with it,
And now changing the way the dandelion dances with the wind
Creates a mess, a honed mess
But now the dandelion is dying.
Who would take care of the dandelion?
The now sweet dandelion,
That has discovered that ain't it all be sweetness,
Now the dandelion dances with the wind, evades that much sweetness and delights in the sun.
I don’t know how to start
The story that I want told
The parts that chill me to the bone
And makes my blood run cold
When I was but a little child
And they thought it not be heard
Though I was busy with my play
I attended to each word
Never spoken above a whisper
Barely breathed the truths come out
The darkness that lived within our town
Beyond gruesome was no doubt
A mother and her children small
While sleeping in their beds
Were each accosted everyone
And then were left for dead
The father when returning home
Was horrified at the question
That he would kill his family
Made him ill at the suggestion
He was overwrought and confused
Did someone have their four year old
Was he safe, was he well
This is where the darkness
Becomes a mystery no one would tell
Where’s the little boy
That looks after the sheep
Why he’s under the haystack
Written for Debbie Guzzi's 'Something wicked this way comes' contest
You stole my shirt again
The one with stains
Beneath my armpits
You lied and said
The shirt somehow fell
Into your suitcase
A dark black shadow
That hurled itself off a cliff
And landed inside your
Sad blonde soul
And when you sleep alone at night
In the naked stretch of your wine-soaked skin
Do you smell my harsh manly aroma
In the pillow of your theft?
Do you wet yourself in the taste of
The baby felons we might make?
Do you imagine yourself wearing
Upon the sharp thrusts of my
For a liar, a thief, a fetishist for
That revives memories
Of lust long faded
You stole my shirt again
The one that has faint traces
Of your drool, in the way you
Drip yourself upon me
In the hot slumber of your
Babbling incoherent dreams
Give me back my shirt
It was a present from my sister
Who rarely bought me anything
Except for a blue cotton candy
Like your icy sullen eyes
In the childhood
Of my lonely
Ever so silent wind with its calm the nature of the day is brilliant.
Anticipation of performance consumes your thoughts, one, two,
three and the spot light shifts. The wait of everyone’s eyes seem
to mushroom on your approach, and the most minute sounds
become ever so present.
Hoping your body will remember, you take your last gasp of air,
all you can do at this point is pray for something respectable.
As your eyes ascend and gaze down the fairway you exhale,
for this time you have escaped.
Ever so silent wind with its calm the nature of the day is brilliant.
Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION
I conquered the
Mt. Everest ofdistrust and
pain that kept anchored me down like a sunken ship in the Atlantic
your verbal abuse kept me off the radar
as I hid away my shame
my dismay was my watery grave
My lonesome journey was onerous
My arms and legs began to shake
I had to let go of my heavy baggage.
The weight of hate, and bitterness was unfathomable
When I released it, I was freed from the shackles of my past mistakes
Thirsty for nurishment...I took a gulp of compassion
I discovered that Love will take you the rest of the way
my tears washed the resin of my sorrow away
I laid out on the peak
and watched as the stars nestled themselves within the goose down comforter clouds
and the mist intermingled between my fingertips
That was the moment of truth
Where the world stood still.....I looked upon it like a shepherd watching over her flock
realzing how lucky I am to recieve this opportunity for change
Insight.. these are the moments are rare, and a blessed gift
That's when it's just you and the world
and the recognition of your destiny
I have a purpose to spread my love, patience,and non-judgmental characteristics
You can conquer your internal demons
whose firey tongues slither into your ear canals
spreading their lies
fraudulent and self loathing
clawing their way through your psyche and haunting your memories
keeping you locked up tigher than Alcatraz
We all must traverse through our own Mt. Everest's
I wish you well and a safe passage
But when you reach the top.
Plant your flag
In remembrance of the day you took a leap of faith and were brave
One much given
to introspective self absorption,
little inclined to action,
I record this plaintive piece.....
The years go by and, though I age,
I am still the lone, unwanted one.
Early it was I learned
to embrace pain, or to avoid it.....
never to invite, through any expectation,
always penning solitary lines,
mere mental meanderings.....
My drab world,
all dry sand and clouded sun,
was a nearly vacant, arid desert.
All my laurels for achievements
I, and others, immediately devalued.
Nothing I did could
be worthy of a lauding.....
no good could come from
an unwanted one,
one outside the pale.....
not from such a joyless one.
The years go by, and still,
I am I.....
the lone, unwanted one.
Our president has
his head so far up
Castro’s sorry worthless
wrinkled commie butt
that he can see
the bastard’s tonsils.
FORGIVE ME THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN THROUGH THIS WHOLE SEX THING,
DON'T KNOW OF THESE ORGIES OR THE BACUS PARTIES,
DON'T KNOW OF SOME OTHER WOMAN'S CURVES,
OF SOME OTHER SCENT, EITHER STRONG OR WEAK,
DON'T KNOW OF THE WETNESS OF SOME OTHER VAGINA,
NOT ABOUT TWO MEN IN ME,
MORE THAN A SINGLE PENIS TOUCHING MY FEELINGS.
NO, UNFORTUNATELY I DIDN'T HAVE THESE PLEASURES
FROM THE HOOKERS,
WHIPS, ECSTASY,THREESOMES, SWING.
SORRY, I DON'T KNOW THESE BEDS,
WASN'T LUCKY ENOUGHT TO HAVE THAT KIND OF COURAGE.
NEVER GOT BEAT UP WITH A BELT,
NEVER HUNG ON THE CEILING,
NEVER STUFFED ME WITH DRUGS,
NEVER SAW UNREALISTIC IMAGES
NOR SAID ABUSIVE WORDS
WHILE THEY CALLED ME WHORE
OR WHILE THEY SPANKED ME
IN SEARCH OF A MASOQUIST PLEASURE.
POOR ME, NEVER BROKE THE TABOOS
CUMMING IN SOMEONE I BARELY KNOW,
NEVER TASTED DOZENS OF DIFFERENT NUDES,
RAGGED TIMES TEN INSIDE OUT
FOR BEING DRENCHED IN DIFFERENT SPERMS,
HAVING COUPLES BETWEEN MY LEGS
THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE NAMES,
WHERE THEY LIVE, WHAT THEY WEAR OR WHAT THEY EAT.
NEVER PIERCED ME WITH PINS
THEY HAVE NEVER MADE ME A TOY.
NEVER TASTED AN ORGASM
WITH PUBLIC WATCHING,
NEVER ENDED WITH APPLAUSE,
NEVER TRIPPED ON EXHAUSTED MEN
LYING ON MY LIVING ROOM RUG,
DRUNK FROM ALCOHOL
BURNING FROM ALL THEIR HOLES...
I HAVE JUST WHISPERED " I LOVE YOU" ,
ABSORBED ONE MANS JOY,
DROVE MY NAILS IN JUST ONE BODY,
RIPPED A FEW SHIRTS,
ANSWERED TO JUST AN UNIQUE TOUCH.
I HAVE ONLY MEMORIZED HIS SIGNALS,
AND I HAVE ONLY KNOWN HIS CARNIVALS,
HIS MOANS AND HIS MANY GROANS.
WHAT A SHAME THAT I HAVE BEEN A GEISHA
FOR ONLY ONE MANS DESIRE
AND ONE IRRESISTIBLE "LET ME...".
BACK, SIDE, FRONT
ABOVE, BELOW, IN BETWEEN
I HAVE BEEN WHAT HE WANTED ME TO BE;
DAME, PROSTITUTE, ANIMAL, HUMAN
LADY, CRETIN, FATAL AND SWEET
BUT ALWAYS HIS,
NAKED ONLY IN FRONT OF HIM...
BUT NOW, WHAT WILL WE DO?
I STILL CAN LEARN ABOUT SEX
BUT WHO COULD TEACH HIM LOVE?
Another one passed by,
a face I won't remember tomorrow.
Not quite what I was expecting,
not memorable enough to want to know his name,
just another stranger,
using up my time.
On the patio steps we say good bye,
a kiss I will forget as I walk back inside.
Don't know what he does to get by,
whether he even has a wife,
but that doesn't matter,
because it's just another soul that I won't truly know.
I'm not what a wanted to be,
thought I would wait,
but as passion took control,
the waiting became a passing thought.
So here I am,
on the patio steps,
another good bye,
another face I won't look back onto,
someone not memorable enough to care,
just a man,
using up my time.
Dark breeze is the ash coat she wears today,
chest strutting from the pull of unknown blues
into an evaporating fog of a coughing moon,
strung on a web of torn-washed rose beds…
it's a long, long way down her lane,
but she’s deeply inclined, inclined
to sneak, creep or linger
among webs of strange fog
just like her mashed hair : she revels
at the slow gasp of the lamp lights
climbing inside a mind,
juxtaposed by the many drones
of a sullen note, almost lost in a maze
along paths searching mirth, searching mock ...
beguiled, bothered, bruised through darkness;
needing to ignite a bark, a red howl, a scream.
And when the curdling pain subsides
clearing what could be her new rose garden,
she swivels from sad to mad, unsure
if the drizzle has seized from pouring below ;
a pious, black-laced Virgo star weeps…
and her shadow blends with parquet’s floor
near the gate.
Lone woman -- a cross between Giselle
and Mary Magdalene –feigns a smile,
gently wiping off dust of more
solitary nights without anyone to cuddle .
Then as her sanguine hands close the door,
she turns the kettle on,
to spark dim music and the bulb: play on, play on.
My Best Poem Of The Year 2012 Contest
For Dr. Ram Mehta
by nette onclaud
Glory Award I think for Debbie's Dungeon
There is a bird
inside your heart
that's singing to the moon
of lives around you
friends around you
and all you cherish
Just listen to the bird
when it does not whistle
but sings a melody
sad songs in your ears
If I had just one day to live
24 hours to feel complete
Would I race across the castle of my dreams
Hunted by the echo of the tick tock clock
Dreading the moment that fateful tune came to a halt
Chasing down runaway thoughts
Frantically piecing together broken promises
All while fearing the silence, the end of the tick, tock;
I would gaze up at the steps of this sky high castle
This floating montage of my life
And lounge upon the first step,
Resigned to enjoy these fated moments
Without fear or regret,
Resigned to enjoy this melody with those I love
This farewell tune played to me by the tick tock clock.
This insane uproar over the name
Washington Redskins proves my contention
that all of the true braves and warriors
were killed off during the old west days.
They should change the name to the
Washington Candy-ass Crybabies
because that’s all that is left
of the once proud American Indians
or as the Candy-ass Crybabies
now call themselves: Native Americans.
Even the most stupid numb nuts among us
should know that any person
born in America is a Native American,
be they red, yellow, brown, black or white.
I bet the Candy-ass Crybabies will get
their frilly pink laced panties in a wad
if any of them read my opinion of the situation.
Things get bad, then they get good again.
You can write yourself angry.
You can write yourself sick.
should you write yourself sorry.
The world, to me, is many things:
A canvas, a movie, a place to store
everything you are and will ever be,
but never a bell jar.
As long as your hands can shake
and your voice can quiver,
never close the door.
Love the ground under your feet,
and your only sadness
will be that a blanket of sky
can't keep off the cold.
Smile with every breath you take,
and you'll realize that,
no matter how much you weep,
you will never fill an ocean.
Look inside your heart:
There's answer there.
deep in an oblivion of night,
there is a light somewhere.
It may not be much light,
but it's brighter than darkness.
If you seek, you will find
yourself always involved in
and as long as that door never closes,
whatever something will be enough.
Candidates disputing, scratching, wailing, crying, whining.
Blasts of good here,
What truth is there to believe?
Turn off the un-statesman like banter.
Coffee turned cold with no paper to read,
discarded because the riotous words fly at our morning faces.
Answer the phone –
one party, another party,
please give us your vote.
Don’t answer and long messages overflow your memory.
A walk to the mail box
and stacks of colorful cardboard flyers
tumble out all over the road.
They scatter in the wind and are gone
like wasted dollars
that could have fed a hungry nation.
Itty bitty butt boy
kissing a politician’s ass,
when someone criticizes his hero,
weirdo little butt boy
temporarily stops his lifelong task
and loudly complains
while having a big hissy fit.
When his temper tantrum
at long last finally comes
to a welcomed end,
teenie weenie butt boy
returns to his self-appointed duty.
It is very easy to identify
itty bitty butt boy
even in a large crowd of people
because although his nose is brown,
the tiny little creep’s skin is lily white.
Traitor thoughts return
again and again
to the blackened pool
that has become breeding ground
for my memories of you.
Like fingertips to a deep gash
testing for tenderness,
waiting for healing,
impatiently scratching at scabs and scars.
Loosing angry blood
from freshly clawed skin;
pricking nettles of pain
into my defeated heart.
Ripe with infection; never to heal
you have become
...my mortal wound.
What do you think?
Nothing. Again, nothing.
I am as colorless as clear water,
as reflective as a mirror, as empty as a room
everyone just left.
What do you feel?
Nothing. Once more, nothing.
I am as passive as a stone,
as fluid as a stream,
as shallow as a saucer...
Why do you lie?
I do not lie --
you see my exposed shell,
the walls inside which I
have become dessicated, shrunken,
hard, withdrawn --
an oyster, a clam, a snail --
a distracting polished whelk.
I’m tilling to forget that night
of fire and betrayal.
Turning the soil over, over and over,
over days months eons.
Waiting to be fed when belly
aches with hunger and thirst.
Did you have to poke out my eyes?
Make me remember silk?
I am a thousand fists shaken
in night sky. I am broken
on gravelly field, a puzzle,
my boiling blood walked off
left me skin stretched under hot sun
bleached bones poke out.
The others walked off in disgust
when you left us without.
Once our riverside hideout
let us launch our toy ships,
rode bubbles, slid over rock
churning fast and away...
The baby down pasted nest no
longer holds us inside,
too noisy, cramped in quiet spots
by sea, beg drown sorrow.
I’m tilling to forget, turn soil
over and over, hope to eat,
hope the fire that escaped our soil
hope it was just a dream.
Hope you didn't steal our resources,
steal all our heritage.
We have no future echoes loud
down the halls of lost time.
We did the tilling that launched you
into a tomorrow.
There you are, sailing free, happy.
We remain. Left behind.
You love this man you claim, But still you flirt with others
On your hand you tattooed his name, Said I love you and
Caused so much pain
Getting drunk to feel alive,Solely but slowly your dying inside
Talk is cheap you say, Actions are what's real
The cards are on the table and it's time for you to deal
I tried to help you , All I could
And understanding, I thought you would
My trusting you would be, A great mistake indeed
Weak I know you're not, But selfish is what you are
I'm not trying to be rude, Or hurt you in any way
I just want you to get a clue and to live another day
You choose to live, Or you choose to die
It's not up to me, Not anymore
I gave you the options but the choices are yours
I'm looking at you, And all I can see
Is a frightened little girl, As fragile as can be
You ruined your life, When you began to drink
You hurt your children, Why didn't you think?
With alcohol and drugs , There's no way out
You'll always scream and shout about
You against the world, That is how you see
And all your loyal friends became enemies
You can't tell the day, You can't tell the time
All you can tell is what color of wine-
It is that you're drinking
You've lost all touch with reality...
The habit mind
Is the holocaust
Of technology automating
For the slavery of time
And poverty of creation
I always love more,
and it kills me in the end.
I always give more than I receive
even though I cherish each smile like it alone
was responsible for moving the world,
it was never enough
and I was never enough,
but we both knew the teams weren't quite even
and each was playing by a different set of rules.
So I gave you all I had and
took out a loan to give you more-
leaving my heart hungry so I could make sure
there was always enough to fill yours-
and you gave me what you had
and I cherished each glance like it kept the oceans churning.
I pawned my soul and shed my skin-
leaving my bones cold and aching-
so yours would never feel hollow.
And I gave you everything I had
and loved you with all my strength
until my heart gave out-
and yet I still managed a few more beats
for good measure-
And you gave me what you could but
it wasn't enough
and still I cherished each ounce of your love
like it was the last breath ghosting across my lips
in one final offering to you-
"I love you."
You’re a 3AM
Wake up call
With another sob story
About the latest boy
Who pumped you
Then dumped you
And left you
In a sweaty lonely pile
And you cry
Baby girl tears
All over my phone
And you wonder why handsome
With shining white teeth
With full heads of curly black hair
With six-pack stomachs
And tight muscular
Can not be more like
“Just like you,”
Baby girl says
“Just like you.”
And you cry
Baby girl tears
All over my phone
And you wonder why reckless
Who party all night
Who down countless vodka shots
Who shout “muthafukka,” “dude,” "beotch,"
And other raucous
Can not be more like
“Just like you,”
Baby girl says
“Just like you.”
You want me to empathize
You want me to criticize
The nasty boys
Who took you for another
Cruel and pointless ride
You want me to father you
In a way he never did
But I’m sorry
Because I admire and envy those
In the prime of their life
Not yet defeated
Not yet haunted
Not yet beaten
By the disappointments that
They are a national treasure
A precious resource
From the exuberant crude shouts of
Irrational wild boys
Come the builders of shelter
The providers of sustenance
The conquerors of enemies
The explorers of frontiers
From the exuberant crude shouts of
Come the daring adventurers
The first one into the burning house
The last one out of the burning house
The one still standing when everybody else
From the insatiable loins of such
Irrational wild boys
Come the fierce wild girls
Who dance insanely upon tables
Who run naked through the streets
Who make love without limits
In open fields
Upon damp grass
All through the night
From the insatiable loins of such
Irrational wild boys
Come the fierce wild girls
Who cat-fight for their lover
Who kill for their children
Who wail passionately for their dead
From such boys
From such boys
You were born into the world
My crazy baby girl
You were born into the world
Like father, like daughter
And if I could be that young wild boy
The one that you hate
In such a maniacal way
It would be an honor to be with you
An honor to hold you
An honor to love you
Until my dying day.
to whoever finds this
time has unwound since I first checked in, clock hands creep backwards replaying each hour
the mind's wraiths tiptoe on satin-soft feet
I hear the hotel's heartbeat
something moves within these walls, whispers behind floral decor, voices skitter
the TV witters like senility, air s s n a k e s s like smoke, static hissing in my ears
the bedside bible glitters blank w o r d l e s s p a g e s
my mind is fuzzy as the tinny TV
how many hours have passed?
now a twilight of sapphires sifts, drifts into the room
pale figures are filtering, slithering belly-deep through gloom
trapped the walls squeezing the key in the lock screeching frantic fingers scratching
for some way out, the dead phone doesn't connect except
to shrill with bad news and more bad news, ice trickles of chill diagnoses
fear seeping like condensation shrieks echoing in the walls
the room is a galleon, tempest-tossed
the bed is a starched white wasteland, first cold then hot cold hot, Siberia to Sahara
how many have shivered and sweated in this bed? how many are dead?
the crushing heart attacks, sudden strokes, sad suicides
six storeys down to the waiting street through the window's snide slide
what's the song? you can check out any time you like (but never leave)
escape is draping a noose around me, there's no reprieve
I'm checking out it's time to leave
Tall tale possessed
Dark heart held ransom
Handsome silver tongued
Black his blue eyes
Wince at nothing
But truth testified
And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
You were my boxer in the night
Sparred with you
About every aspect of
My secret tonic
Got me through it all
All the frustrations
And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
We called each other friend
Our bodies came together
And it felt so
You made me feel
How can I describe
My life was full
When you laughed
It felt so full even
The times I was mean
And my body left
And so we pretended
We were just
In the end
And now you’re
And I can barely speak
I can barely write
And there’s a quiet room
In my mind
Where your laughter
My innocent child
How can I describe
How can I describe
How can I describe
A certain kind of forever passed by today –
It was coiled up and corked in a bottle,
And as I watched it ride the ripples
Of the clouds in dank sky,
I sat in wonder –
I thought about the gripping restlessness –
That forever would eradicate,
The funnel of emptiness
Engorging my heart,
That forever would calm –
I contemplated, deliberated and toyed –
With the notion of that forever,
Out of grasp, out of reach
Enlarging my need,
Oh that timeless forever –
I watched as that forever passed by –
Caressed by the glass of antiquity,
And as it rode out of sight
Into sky’s vastness,
My wonder throbbed –
I will stand with mighty pen in hand,
the pen like a sharp sword drawn, waiting
to pierce calloused shell, inadequate armor of the soulless...
a crimson tide washes up on snow white sands,
flowing on a blank page as normal melds with the strange,
my truth, your truth, many truths in a world of lies.
Do not despise what you do not understand.
We each have our own voice...
Rise, stand with your sword drawn!
Even when the cold breath of censorship breathes
down your neck, chilling the bone, watching,
tainting the well, stand alone!
I will stand and fight for my love.
I will kiss every word with tender lips.
I will caress the lines and spaces,
all have found a home, reaching for stars,
united, preserved for time - yours and mine.
Indifference is a malignancy, insidious and destructive.
Our mute voices may one day cry out in vain - too late...
Censors be damned!
All who slash with red pen, all who write with invisible ink,
all who destroy behind the walls of their decency -
they are the cowards who choose to condemn.
Here and now, take a stand!
Next, your words will fall prey to the thief -
skulking, stalking, attacking, stealing -
in the dead of night, taking all you cherish.
May our words live to tell.
May we never hide.
To stand or fall? Make a choice, decide!
Written for the Stand Contest on September 12, 2012
The ocean sparkles
in the morning light.
We sip hot coffee;
you cough, turn your head.
Eyes say more than words.
Ties connecting us
dissipate in sunshine.
Waves which wash ashore,
this white-flecked water,
underscore your silence.
Last night, in humid darkness,
velvet-feeling black, we joined --
made pacts that daylight violates.
I will not understand your shame.
You will not see my heart-hurt face,
nor will you long remember
my already half-forgotten name.
red streaks run along the
edges of the white petals
like the ones that run down her arms
trickling slowly down the stem
and to the floor
like the tears she sheds every
second of the day
the red stains upon the
the red stains upon her fingers
red stained carpet and
red stained cloths
a jacket worn at all times
a black jacket covering the scars
red puddles left behind
and a bleeding rose
there she was
staring at nothing
in the dark, searching
for some kind of light
could cling to
all she could grasp was
they were laughing,
sharing special moments
without her -
don’t they miss me?
I thought I meant something
all along I was just there -
faceless in the crowd
everyone knows everyone
why don’t they
mean that I am here?
can’t see me?
never an integral part
up the numbers
who got lost -
the faceless one…
Just a twitch,
started years ago,
no one knows this burden still exists,
held deep in my soul,
only letting go when I'm alone.
The world thinks I'm crazy,
tries to dissect,
comprehend what it all means,
when the tic wants to show.
so I let it all build up,
tighten my soul,
till I just have to let it explode.
So, there are days
I just sit alone on my couch,
me and my twitch,
just letting it all out.
something I try to keep unknown.
Through the lonely woods, I may head,
Upon the autumn leaves, I may tread,
At the secluded horizon, I may stare,
And only you, I may see,
In those symphonies of silence,
In those melodies of calmness,
In those euphonies of quietness.
By the silent lake, I may lay,
Till the twilight fades, I may stay,
Then in reclusive silence, I may walk,
And only to you, I may talk,
Through those toungueless emotions,
Through those wordless attachments,
Through those voiceless sentiments.
In the lone meadow, I may wander,
Along the untrodden paths, I may waver,
In companionless seclusion, I may hide,
And only in you, I may find,
The depths of oneness,
The bonds of togetherness,
The cozy feel of coalescence.
In the wilderness of emotions, I may die,
At the merciless daggering, I may sigh,
Through a million wounds, I may bleed,
And only in you, I may seek,
The balm of love,
The warmth of affection,
The heal of inseparability.
On The Road Back
Serious illness instructs its victims
In the miracle of the normal life.
Spend time starting over on things you never think of,
And a new appreciation dawns
For the marvel of Being-in-the-World.
Crisis finally ended, they move me down
So I may eat like a human again and gain the strength
To walk geriatrically about the ward
Creepingly, yet exulting in my newfound freedom
From the Sargasso Sea of lines that bound me for so long.
Soon they would send me home
To where Gulliver's god asserts his primacy.
There is in every life that question never asked aloud,
Yet waits for its whisper in misfortune's ear:
Why go on?
Why the trouble of going on
When we know all things, after all,
Make an end of themselves?
What purpose served when Summer's light gives way again
To Winter's dark, itself to give way once more
Before the furious blooms of Spring,
This cycling of changes running blindly 'round
'Til all together, when at last we're called away from being
Will soon enough leave not even faint memory
That ever we, or they, had been?
Why go on,
When all are orphaned in the end,
When in due time Time itself will cease to march
When even God may wonder
To what end He set it all in motion for,
Leaving only an original Mystery
To occupy Forever?
Yet still all things contrive to persevere, especially ourselves,
Despite our cursed knowledge of Finality,
Knowing that none shall escape eclipsion,
But sensing that the weight
Of whatever we have made of our lives
Will add its dram of meaning
When the sum of it all is balanced together
In the great equation of existence.
We go on for the honor of going on,
Because there is no road back
And the bridges burn themselves behind us as we go.
The going is its own meaning
Because all moments matter to those they happen to,
Are defined by those they happen to -
And in the happening
Each soul makes its bright flash in the infinite dark,
Illumines itself in silent declaration
That it once was, and dared to be,
Despite the vanishing that follows.
When all is said and over,
It's perhaps best we measure ourselves
Against the blazing stars and wheeling galaxies
To find that we come out the larger
Than they in all their magnificence,
In our tiny, burning brilliance.
(in memoriam, Eugene Lawler, d. January 29, 2012, aged 83 years)
--- Note: "The singing machine" is a not so tongue-in-cheek reference to Gene and his penchant for singing whenever and wherever he wished, as well as to his karaoke
equipment and his nickname at bars that featured karaoke nights. ---
You fancied yourself a singer,
and indeed you were.
What songs we heard from you
you had made your own,
and you gave them freely
to all who would listen
(though we were just a few
who were, at times, inattentive.)
Time and remembrance may color
the images you left behind,
and the sentimental songs
you sang (and scribed on silver disks
for us to hear when, and if, we will)
may prod us to recall
your willful, dour demeanor
which could bloom into benevolence
or darken further in stormy sneers
at tardiness, or at perceived
maltreatment of any sort.
You were your own arbiter of behavior
who kept before you expectations
of what was appropriate, for yourself
and for us, the others of your kind.
We were few (still fewer now),
who flocked together on occasion
to celebrate, in quiet fashion,
whatever anniversary we chose --
perhaps your passing date
will become another to be marked.
And your voice, reproduced mechanically,
amplified, may remind us of our loss,
and of yours.
I SAY LIBERATE ME!
free me from a
bondage known all
free me from those
chain-links felt way
free me from a world
that's so out of
touch,even though it
manages to stay in
free me from those
dungeons and allow
me to roam
roam like this
signal on my phone
that's holding me in
captivity with fees
I SAY LIBERATE ME!
liberate me from the
brother who looks
over each and every
one of us
the same big brother
that captures us
the stoplight and
before we can get
down the street and
around the corner
our tag is
placing us in line
to receive notice
that a fine has to
or debit; however
they can get it
PLEASE BRING ON THE
liberation from the
debt that's been
kept on the books
every since I
at the time not
knowing that I was
to my budget, which
is no longer a
budget but a conduit
for companies having
fun extracting funds
from a paycheck
Liberate me from the
the debt acquired
APR policies, from
by the powers that
I say,liberate me
Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION
Hidden, locked away
A last resort
When your well has gone dry
You search endlessly for me
Certain that my presence
Always awaits your lonely soul
Underneath your dreamscape
Here I remain
I will be your mirror
When delusions are before you
For you I bear this cross
Because my heart beats for you
Just a memory to you so often
Your buried treasure lies here
Waiting to be discovered
© 2008 Courtney Dyer
my Lord beaten profusely about the head and shoulders each
blow more devastating than its predecessor until
thine eyes rendered nystagmus.
the strain of the world’s sin sowed predominately thy
soul in sorrow in the physical strain of the torture of
thy darkest hour.
I reach for another Kleenex.
The box sits empty on the shelf.
Have I really cried that many tears?
Has my life turned into a sad tale?
Have all the tissues floated down a river of lonely tears?
The time for crying has ended.
I will lift myself.
Poke out my head.
Had not the sun continued to shine in my absence?
My friends cried with me for a while.
A few of the tissues where crumpled in their hands.
Still I was not to be consoled.
What choice did they have but to leave?
In fact I was so sad I barely knew they were there.
So now I rise.
Lift my eyes to the sky.
Let a gentle breeze dry my face.
Smile with thanks for a new day.
For in the end
a river of tears and tissues is enough.
The Empty Kleenex box contest
Sponsored by Craig Cornish
Still some entry spots left, join in the fun/sadness.
"Nothing my hide from the hidden."
- Japanese Proverb
Gulliver's God Goes Silent
Sir Johnathan's Lilliputians assumed
Gulliver's watch to be his personal god,
Observing how seldom he took action
Without first consulting it.
Time has come to be the Tyrant God of our frenzied Age;
The One Who Harries
The mass of us from here to there and back again
Crying down to the faithful the terrible slippage
The relentless loss of minutes, hours and days,
Shouting to us from our wrists, our walls and all things electric
The message of incompletion,
Of things undone and lost
In the unstoppable flood that sweeps us along
Carrying all we think we know
Towards some great, invisible and communal Terminus.
The acolytes' wishes are served,
In serving one so like ourselves
Serving those unsatisfied by any sacrifice.
The call comes in late September;
A doctor's voice informs me
Of a tale mad cells are telling
As they gather themselves deep within,
An aimless tide of their lives just beginning
To flourish sans form or purpose
Bringing destruction to the temple they occupy
Through their sheer abundance.
That was when, for the first time,
My part in the steady move towards the Terminus
Loomed clear and certain in my sight,
And joined the strong knowings of my heart.
A fluid anxiety filled me,
Running shapeless and invincible
And I felt, somehow, like I was drowning.
So it was that as another Summer gathered itself up for its death
I checked into the hospital
To be dropped into chemical oblivion
And laid out like an offering
To the spirits of Blood and Mystery
Reading my organs through greengloved hands,
Interpreting the language of manic cells.
Skin peeled back like the pages of a book
I lay captive in the sleep of Lethe
As they read the script writ in red within
And the god on the wall
Moved his hands in passing across his face,
But not for me.
from willow tree
I awake with
that quiet ache,
such a deep burn
from a much too long desire
A breathing dream
a slow unfulfilled agony
as I wait for you.
A beneath the bone
need to be
skin to skin,
tongue on tongue,
one in one
for a lifetime, maybe two.
I wonder if during
my five o’clock
reminders of aloneness
whether you’ve similar
pains of the heart,
whether you experience
that quiet ache
in the silent centuries of solitude
between the beat of one heart
and the lovely beatings of two.
Stop resenting me
For the way I shop
The things I do
To make sure
My food is fresh
I confess I feel blueberries
In my fingers
To make sure they are firm
Not too ripe
I confess I shake
Cans of spaghetti and ravioli
So that I know
The sauce is not
I confess I pull frozen waffles
From the back of the freezer
Less likely that they thawed
And refroze into
I confess I smell trout
Before I buy it
Placing it against my nose
In the most unabashed
Spare me your hate
About my consumer habits
When I know it has nothing to do with
As long as I bring you warm release
In the darkness of your desires
Pull your tangled hair the way
Bite your darting tongue
In mad hunger
As long as I reawaken the
Primal animal hidden
Turn your heat into a river
For a long passionate
As long as I attend quickly to your
Every lusty command
The craving of your nympho
Then I can squeeze french bread
In quiet and peace
I can sniff cantaloupes
Without suffering ire
I’ll take you tonight
In that filthy way
Leave me alone
You have your North side ducks,
And you have your south side ducks.
Neither the twain shall meet.
For each one had his nose in the air.
They simply would not do the greet.
So as it happens they would dance with flair in the middle of the pond.
Always trying to out do the other side…Yes, let’s call it ‘Stomp The Pond’
Wings in motion lifting them up, to stomp the waters with their feet
Acrobatics and splashing around… Man it looked so neat.
So Stella, one of the South Side Ducks fell in love with her North side Pete.
But she couldn’t cross the middle of the pond, with so much action in the way.
Fussing, blustering, and carryings on were the name of the day.
But you know, there’s always one strange duck, and that’s the one who built a bridge.
Now all the others could come across or watch the stomp from the middle of the id.
My moral, I say to you young ones… is as appealing as stomping can be…
The world works better when brought together…
By the builders of a bridge.
The storm I see you in
Caught in the race of Caïn
Held by the arms you cannot see--the conducter of Ennui
-No stronger than the void you hold within-
It began with a hope, an obsession
Casted into, slavery of repugnant possessions
Granted by, the Avaricious Lords, the ones we serve for
-They Told Us to pray, hope, away from despair, the despair caused by their immaculate Hands
Malice, envy, greed, was granted to me, The Feudal Dream, we want to be Them, just like him
-just how he solaces us, ambivalent hope, engendering knives to my throat
In this Valley of morning and weeping
Love lies bleeding, in desperate fear
With their talons, the hunt to rip out thy heart
As each velvet petal falls apart
Her body chained in their bile and lies, covered with their red-spy
-sent just to check if our souls are in line, do not defy
Her blood velvet and pure, drips away with innocence of the amber guardian
The soil of plagues, beggars, and graves
Is know her home, the coven of solace
Though the seed has died--resurrection Is near passing through death's fear
One stronger than you--and thy funeral skies
She is alive--anew
But the vapors still remain
The Apocalypse is here, do we fear?
Just for the death of our sins
Elysia never Seemed so far away
Solitary ruins, Fulfill their visions
We strayed far from the depths within
We all lingered to his solace--lies
-you make the sign everyday, but lack toknow the name
We are just the toys, he pulls all of the strings
We are nothing in this burning world
of Decadence, and Failed Semblance
Draconian--Reach for the shadows within
Draconian--Break from the Fallen's son
Draconian--Their empirical lies, only die
Draconian--Reach the shadows within
He wants to say "I love you,"
But keeps it to "Goodnight."
Because love would mean some falling,
and she's afraid of heights.
Sitting on the shelf like a broken teacup
I go on despite these difficult moments
I run into myself with Irish green eyes and permanent tear stained cheeks
I've endured the immensity of agony
I’ve turned down all those so-called hot lovers sulking in this harsh yellow land
I wrestle with the ongoing struggles of this evil world
No…nobody can go backwards
You see, you and I were never meant to be
So...don't tell me your hurt is my fault
I’ve assessed these holes in my life-have you assessed yours?
It was a lifetime ago…forever gone in all that I was
In a curious way I’ve known the debris of myself ...
I’m more damaged than I care to admit
Here I am…pathetically sitting in the rubble of where my heart lives
A thin-skinned loner- a re-cycled me of who I used to be
I can't waver yet again, to take another chance at love
I've known too much time away from it all
So evident in the moment of my blinding conscience
Pondering the un-gentleness of things
That should have been beautiful...but were not
And so, I pick up the pieces of my broken soul
From a broken love that was never meant to be
I'm in for a new change of lifestyle - a new change of heart
A release of all those emotions that were tearing me down
The old life I knew, I threw away with the teacup
I got a new life, a new cup, and I'm forgetting you and the past
"'Cause when your back's against the wall
That's when you show no fear at all
And when you're running out of time
That's when you hitch your star to mine
We won't be leaving by the same road that we came by"
~Keane - My Shadow Lyrics ~
There is no celestial place for you to guide my thoughts
Can you not see that I am free from you?
I am a black bird perched high in the treetops
You will hear my crowing and you may hate it
But my dear, you cannot take away my voice!
Yet still, as fire oppresses forests of life,
You can abuse my freedom to find your glory
You may discard these words for your love of gods,
And in so doing you may simply ignore
All the cries that I so passionately utter
But my infectious species will guide your mind straight back
To that once so lonely treetop where you merely glanced
And there will be multitudinous, oppressing thoughts
That shall enslave you and bind you unwillingly
The crows will only grow louder when you turn away—
When you pretend to ignore with your remaining, strangling pride
For my voice is a production sent from above
Dispatched to judge you pitilessly for your swelling lies!
And the choirs of ferocious beaks shall open forever
Harmony and dissonance as one
I met the devil’s daughter on an elevator,
she was wearing a college tee shirt and faded jeans.
Who would have ever thought that someone so beautiful
was born and raised in the deepest part of the pit of hell.
It was great fun for a little while but after all my money was gone,
she also disappeared. I guess she is out somewhere trolling
for another stupid damn fool idiot just like me. I pity the fellow.
Death of a Dream
by Amy Swanson
*long drawn out sigh*
exuberant bright cheerful eclectic
rising to the sky
Days gone by
motions of life
emotions of life
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
Spark of light
sphere of night envelopes
Streaks and smudges
deface life's canvas
once glowing brilliant
-- now torn and tainted.
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
consuming life -
they don't know.
They don't care.
They go about
for material fantasies
built with air.
consumes the bright
one small spark
chasing burgeoning shadows
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
“You are not a kid anymore.
Quit your bitching.
Suck it up and take it like a man.”
A broken promise
A broken heart
A broken father
A broken mother
A broken family
A broken house
A broken home
A broken neighborhood
A broken subdivision
A broken city
A broken county
A broken state
A broken nation
A broken continent
A broken hemisphere
A broken planet
A broken solar system
A broken universe
And now a baby cries alone
I hear your pleas...
Amen Brothers and Sisters!
I mean we don't want anything more
than a society which we can respect...
lotteries... crooked politicians...
debt to foreign nations
who consider us an enemy...
it's just getting to be a bit much.
Sure we have had to do much
to become a more perfect nation...
but we used to try...
now its open season
on everyone in the name of fairness
while they twist and turn
the blade of corruption
in our gut.
...Now its just wistful poetry...
The sound of drums has halted
Canoes traded for cars
No one left to tell of the bear.
Billboards cover the landscape
Is this progress?
Is this what you seen in your mind's eye?
Who will teach your ancestral tongue?
Let your drums beat once again.
Written for Debbie Guzzi's any Eight Line Contest
I chose to write about the loss of our first Nation people's culture.
This loss took place as a result of Residential school system and
at the hands of people who abused their children. Buckets of money
will not compensate for the loss of culture and sense of community.
The wealth is being concentrated in the hands of a few people while
Many members of their communities live in Third World Conditions.
My dreams defy me.
They take me back to my dark place.
As every day is a battle won,
a war happens in my sleep.
I wake in the morning,
sweating and in tears,
wondering if I have fallen,
to the loathsome ways of my years.
Each moment I am fighting,
yearning for the truth.
Growing in an all encompassing light,
winning what I thought I would always lose.
But, my dreams continue to defy me,
reminding me of the world I overcome.
As I keep from fading,
the night overtakes me,
my mind becomes a blank slate,
dreams lead me back into
nightmares of my wrongful ways.
ain't it a shame
when hate lynches
a 14 year old Colored boy
in 1955 Mississippi
and blows away the dreams of
four innocent little Negro girls
in 1963 Birmingham, Alabama
bus that to your segregated thoughts
as I interracially walk you
through Little Rock, Arkansas
with Daisy Bates & nine Black Children
to march along side the National Guard
on their way to a lily white school
as the message of this
un-segregates & untangles
the history of hate
attackin’ Negroes in 1957
whose only desire was to be educated
and schooled too
racism & hate
doesn’t try to guide
the white citizen council back
to their good senses
don’t care ‘bout nobody
being Jewish or Colored
when it needs to
Negro churches with Negroes in them
or feels the need to hang someone
from a tree out of existence
racism even devours its own kkklan
as the innocent
pay the ultimate price
racism doesn’t care
if your church is the 16th Street Baptist
and 14 yr. old Addie Mae Collins
is one of the four black Alabama children
killed in attendance
racism ain’t concerned about
you being white either
or your last name being
Martin or Rodney King
and so many other names
that we’ll never know of
that racism wounded or buried six feet
racism doesn’t care about
what kinda NAACP dream
or concerned about your last name
being "Parks" in 1955
when it attempts to guide you back
to the "Colored" section of the bus
where you know your
civil-rights will be denied
every time you allow
" segregation & discrimination"
to collects its fare
racism & its hateful followers
have no regard at all
for one’s race / religion
or sexual persuasion
especially when racism peers
into its discriminating mirror
century after century
time after time
day after day
and tells itself in 2006
"it’s better than you"
because you’re "cultured" different
racism stirs an ugly pot of soup
that no one should ever have to taste.
Snub burns me deep -
Your roll away from
With her darkened gaze filled with deepness
Under that curly hair of black ceases
A smile, as staggering, everlasting and pure
As she settles on a chair,
She crosses her legs and stretches out her arms on them
The curved line of muscles, so even so flawless
Which descends down to her chest
As broadened and extending
With breasts she tries to hide them
With her protruding scarf
As she pulls back her hair
Covering it with a long black veil
And stands up
As less confident she grows
Day by day
Era escaping time
Going back to home, she escaping into her portal
And changes her clothes,
Up close, her tight- sleeveless shirt reveals
As waist not as perfect, fat protruding from her skirt
Stretch marks appearing beneath her stomach
She hates herself, the way she looks
She watches all the shallow figures
All the pretty girls and their boys
Boys lifting girls in their arms
Will the time come?
To get lifted by one?
A Queen of Beauty she will become
Her friend once told her, her mother had said that
She blushes with excitement but once again
Scatters with overwhelming sorrow
“Will I ever become The Queen of Beauty?”
She clings to false hopes
Will she survive?
Have she truly lived her life?
A sigh mixed with desperation and helplessness
Causes her to continue each day with the same thought
“ A Queen of Beauty, I will never become….”
The various shades of yellow and orange of a napalm blast,
the dark grey plumes of smoke from burning jungle underbrush,
the shiny silver jets blasting away at the enemy,
the army green helicopters bringing in reinforcements,
the bright red blood of wounded comrades,
the brown wooden stock of the M-14 rifle,
the glistening gold bugle sounding taps for fallen buddies,
the colours of war seared in my mind forevermore.
I am told that there was once peace on earth,
but that was well before my time
and I will soon be turning sixty seven.
I feel sorry for the youngsters of today
and all of those who are yet to be born
because I do not foresee the situation getting any better.
I hope and pray that I am wrong in my assessment,
but history points towards an awfully violent future
for all of the coming generations.
Please stranger, overtake me I implore,
for I don't want to know myself anymore.
I took a bullet to my brain, deluded memories
were all that were left to me?
Please stranger, take away my name
for it does me no good in this game.
I took a safety pin to my tongue, but still the aftertaste,
the metallic tang. Morbid I watch the blood drip down.
Please stranger, take my place before the mirror,
for perhaps you will see all the clearer.
I took a sleeping pill, are these memories my nightmares?
Or are all these nightmares all my memories?
Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION
Cats all around
Playing with the yarn
So cute and pink
There is a demon in my closet and it is safe to say
I have kept him there safely, each and every day
Asking about his words, I thought I heard him pray
He laughed openly stateing he was always hearing me play
I followed, I listened I leaned over to his ways
It turns out he's here over an angel and a wish of keeping me gay
Saintan is forever listening to what becomes my fate
The doors still closed as softly as that horrid divorced decay
But he was not wearing my brand, a mark of forever may it stand
He had choose to turn the other cheek, to find a higher point of understanding
Something more suitable than just a standard branding
A mark of a book, a devils open handing
A demon to help me through troubles and fears
A someone there when all I have left is openly flowing tears
He jesters, he peers, he jokes, he steers
But I think my favorite time is where leers
Dark and shaky
So dull, black and gray
Airy and lacking in youth
A little pink flower stands beside you
Unaware, but is there to remind you of your posture and use
Do you have one?
Do you fall apart?
If you fall
You cry at midnight
You shy from sunlight
But, you're so refreshing, so clean and green
A reminder that you were alive once
Now all you do is wrap yourself in leafs and make miserable grunts
Was it me?
I won't cry!
Was it an emptiness that simply died when you were a child?
Don't marry it, it doesn't want you!
Stay away from that picture
How do I describe such distress?
A squirrel sat on a lower limb,
His mother had chased him from the nest.
His heart was broken, in upheaval, a mess.
His home gone. His mother turning her back so new.
Oh what, oh what will he ever do?
Each breath he takes is a mighty gulp,
Then the sound so soulful with every shout.
Cries of pain were so deeply felt,
That every bout rips my heart inside out.
It renders me tearful to hear the sounds flow…
The need to help him drives me so,
How could his mother yield such a blow?
But he is wild and won’t let me help his woe.
A human I’d hold so warm and tight.
I’d build a nest for him if it were right.
But I know he won’t accept my help,
As he cries on and on in his plight.
For an hour he tore my heart to shreds…
Then finally a young squirrel came from another tree, instead.
Together they ran off fulfilling his needs…
His cries stopped. He’d found what he wanted with those pleas…
Now if mankind could only help those in need, with such simplicity.
All is not well
In this kibbutz
In this temple
Does the keeper's
Aren't the roots here
In this dark soil
Drinking like some
And we will stay
In this dim light
In others' corners
Dowsing these flames
So we can breathe
And the wonder
In our slumber
Dregs our blood
So sick, so sick
Walking upon shards of broken glass
with every faltering step I take
Travelling through life at haste
with no compass
steering wheel or brake.
Trying to unravel a mass of tangled knots
Laying in life's gutter wounded
trying to liberate myself
from the putrid stench of obscurity
and not be forgot.
Mind full of unwanted clutter
swirling like a tempest
around and around
Life's din perpetrating the ear drums
with excruciating loud perpetual
Lost in the harsh wilderness
battered by the wind
No one knows the things I've seen
or the places I have been.
Tied to the rocks
lashed and broken by the waves
cursed at birth
wake up from a dream
and another nightmare
another battle to face today.
This pain you live in
Is unmistakably so real
This torture you’re prone too
It kills me too
With every breathe you choke in
My heart pulses “No”
With every weakened bone
I shout, toss, and spin
But although that
You speak to me
With words, weary words, and gentle care
You speak of feelings you have
Kept Hidden for me
And I stop the screaming, the tossing, the breaking, the beating
My sense of denial, of fear, pushes me back
But the other senses
The sense of conscience, of affection, of claim
Claiming to own a good heart
Claiming to know what to say
Claiming to know what to do
Assuming knowing where this goes
But those feelings, those vulnerable sensations
End up killing the people they own
Too great is not to be greater
But to be destroyed when becoming greatest
Regardless of the destruction those feelings are submitted into
They thrive to appear, to break surface
Will they turn into something beautiful?
Something alive and wistful
Or will they self-destruct because of other feelings?
Will they vanish into ample emptiness?
A squander of fire to be extinguished
These senses consume me, slay me silently
And time, seconds tick swiftly
Until I am bound to eternal silence
And unutterable misery
In a cage of impassive breathing
They drug me into.
That horrible day she heard those words.
The cawing of those dreadful birds.
The pain in her chest found its way to her eyes.
Her breath came out in only short sighs.
Her sister there to hold her hand,
Trying to be strong for the both of them.
The day had come, they knew it would.
But faster than it probably should.
They made as much noise as they possibly could.
Anything to keep away the silence of death,
And as the tears kept falling,
they did their best,
To try and forget this disastrous mess.
But as hard as they denied it,
they knew it was true.
He was gone from this world,
wasn’t meant for it too.
The last words he spoke,
were held to be true.
“ when all the feelings had been felt,
And all the tears shed.
Let the acceptance begin.”
They echoed again and again.
How far will you fly?
Cross continent? Moonward?
Across the room?
When will you depart?
Through which gate?
Let me fly with you.
You won't even notice me,
On the wing,
Clinging for life (and love).
Why do you flee me,
choosing a destination
from which it will be
to book a return?
How do you say you love them?
They declare they don’t need you.
Then they ask if their clothes are clean.
You fix their lunch, and then they tell you to go away.
You give them lunch money so others won’t see you’ve fixed their lunches.
You give them the car, yet they won’t call to say they’ve arrived safely.
You tell them to pay attention when driving, but learn with the first real scare.
They say they can drive, then will wreck the car in the first year of solo driving.
They hug their girlfriends, but don’t want you around.
They need you in troubles, but can’t stand you in peace.
They go beyond the limits, then sneer at your demands.
They need help but won’t listen to your advice.
They need help but will try to do it all alone.
They want to be on their own, but depend on you.
They go off alone, but will keep coming back for yet a while.
They love you but will never say so.
They hate the situation they’re in, but aren’t ready to leave.
They think they’re ready for everything, but they’re not.
They think they’re ready to be alone, but the world won’t let them be.
I love my teen and will worry when he finally leaves.
His relief will be tinged with fear.
He will always be welcome back home, but may not come.
I will miss him and he will miss me, though he will never admit it.
He thinks I don’t understand how things are today, because I’m old.
Technology changes, but the emotions of growing up are always the same.
Needing to go forward, but feeling trapped remains the same with each generation.
Being held back by time, conventions, laws, and rules never changes.
I understand, they’re just too young to realize that I do.
I do understand, because I’m already standing in the world he wants to enter.
You will know they care after they’ve left home and call home to hear your voice.
Someday they may even come home, kiss you, and say thanks.
Contest: Coming of Age 2nd place
For every rose there are six thorns.
Calm is an interlude between two storms.
A judge is a lawyer off his meds.
Life is a road, living it is a rut.
A lion is a tiger on parole.
Moonlight is a reflection from the sun.
A smile is a frown turned upright.
Lust is passion gone astray.
A child is proof that life goes on.
Not every house becomes a home.
A jihadist is Hitler’s bastard son.
The Devil is a psychopath.
For a working stiff job loss is a bitter pill.
To a rich man unemployment is no big deal.
A road less traveled is an awful waste.
Success is failure overcome.
A single grain of corn is a meager meal.
Raindrops are the tears of a caring God.
A politician is a well paid clown.
All love has the potential for heartbreak.
A loogie is spit on steroids.
The unicorn is a horse’s wet dream.
A tornado is a piss ant hurricane.
Suicide is the proof that you were insane.
As I close the door behind me… I stand upon the porch.
Every day I leave here… becomes so much more bitter sweet.
I found the money yesterday so I could pay my note,
But what about next month or the others sure to come.
I raised my children faithfully under this old roof, and…
Memories abound, like the raindrops that hit upon my roof.
Yes, I admit leaving here will cause a little pain.
But the day-to-day struggles have striped away the gain.
Where once I held on steadfast… now I waiver on that thought.
Instead of seeing comfort, now it’s the struggles I have fought.
The food upon the table… outweighs the comfort of this house.
But yet, my heart still bleeds for what will soon be lost.
How to tell the children… it will be hard at its very best.
I’m sure they’ll rail against it and cause me more pain, yet.
But I can’t expect them to understand, this old grownups shame.
I promised to protect them… so today I’ll continue on my search
A job or a little money may pop up from anywhere, you know.
All I have to do is keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.
God will provide eventually, even if it’s a step, or two, or three down.
Every day as I close the door behind me and I stand upon this porch…
I say a little prayer and add a little wish…
May tomorrow find us better off than here we are today…
And may others please be helped like us… as we try to make our way.
He makes Richard Nixon look honest.
He makes Jimmy Carter look competent.
What ever happened to hope and change?
If you ask me to look in a mirror
To stand in front of it naked before the world
What do you think I'd see?
An accomplished teenager who has made it so far in life?
A wonderfully intelligent young woman who has high aspirations for the future?
A caring and kind youth who will be the tomorrow of today's society?
A beautiful young woman who's sure to get the right man one day?
Now you're asking me what I see, right?
I see none of the above
But I do see something.
I see an unaccomplished teenager who could have done much better this far in life
I see an idiotic young girl who has no idea where she's headed and is rather indecisive
A caring and Kind youth who won't make it to tomorrow's society
A hideous young teenager who will never get a man in her short life-span
An insecure child who needs obsession to pacify herself
A self-loathing teenager who is willing to sacrifice normality by self destructing her body
A crazed teenager who had to create a world to escape the harshness of reality
A lonely teenager wanting nothing more than attention
A little child screaming out for help from the shadows of her mind
A quiet individual who wants nothing more than to be heard
A pained teenager whose agony goes unnoticed.
A heartbroken teenager whose angst and love remain ignored
A sinner before the eyes of God
That is what I see in the smooth glass that is reflected back toward me
I loathe what is seen within it
I hate what I am
I hate who I am
You tell me to look again
I do, and I see the same as before
But I see the mirror now
The intricate cracks
The many barely noticeable pieces of glass missing
One more crack
One more hit
And this mirror is gone.
One more crack
One more hit
And I'm gone.
(Another childhood poem.)
Filaments tightly woven,
a chrysalis cradles me,
deflects the dangers;
it is an armored womb,
bright and hard.
a web imprisons me;
struggles snare me firmly
in these threads.
What weaves this armor
and this trap?
It is I --
I am the spider,
and the potential
Pondering the truth
Aiding my denial
I can't come clean
No way no how
I am a Savonarola chair
carved from discarded
remnants of cedar and birch that
littered our backyard -
waiting to be burned
or broken by a trespasser’s hands,
or tended to by the warm touch
of a gardener’s natural instinct;
who values growth
I am an object
forged from splinters and sweat.
My four legs become six when your
spoiled bones and blackened hearts
Stilted fractures wax like leprosy
within your fumbled thoughts -
seeking respite as you recount
negligent actions upon broken fingers.
Father was a saw
and cut out his tongue.
Mother was an awl
boring through his visibility.
Ignorance sanded his face.
Blind eyes rendered him mute and
useless, like a comb without teeth
or a song-less linnet bird.
I am a piece of furniture.
A curio cabinet
curiously displaying your mistrust.
An end table advertising no family portraits.
An ottoman whose cushions knead
the detestation clinging like muck upon
the backsides of chafed ankles.
Father's severed chainsaw.
Mother's twisted liquor cap.
Sister's crumpled gum wrapper.
Brother's fleshtone punching bag.
I am a chair.
I serve a purpose - but not for you.
A chair can be slip-covered, polished,
straddled and veneered.
A child cannot.
I am most content when six legs
morph back into four.
I then know my
private existence can breathe -
and the hardened antecedents
who took advantage
of my open arms and inviting lap
have grievingly walked away.
Birds chirp by jarfuls
in twilight dawn.
The sun could stand correction
in the hesitation of fulfillment.
The planets & stars roll off
the table of sky, plop
in the puddle of lakes serene
as maniacs in straight jackets.
The wind mumbles
it isn’t so. The unbend poplars
aren’t children anymore.
On my knees,
tear streaked faced,
my shame haunting me.
I must remind myself,
that I am being trained,
that every time I've fallen,
I learned to walk stronger through the pain.
This moment wasn't has defeating as before,
the heartache is healing quicker,
and these failures of today are a gentle push,
a clear insight,
a conquered fight,
one that will ultimately build me up again.
I am given a retrospective moment,
reminding me of before,
showing that my last failure
was much greater than today,
giving me hope that the future trials
will be easier to diminish,
and I will see the truth.
The failure of today is just a gentle nudge,
giving me the strength
till the battle is truly done.
You were always honest
unfortunately it didn't extend to yourself
Regal persona was never exceeded by your accomplishments
If only you were as important as you thought others thought you were
Some bring joy when they enter a room
no one would ever accuse you of that
Leaving was always the best gift you could offer
Being you could not have been easy
No friends to speak of
maybe not even him
I think he froze in your shadow
He has begun to thaw in your absence
Strangely I miss you
Not entirely sure why
Do I in some weird way owe you for my success?
Without you I would not have been born
You are gone
Certainly not forgotten
The scars are my reminder
A multitude of memories mark my soul
Not your typical father son fare
Norman Rockwell wouldn't paint our picture
I wish I could remember happier times
some wishes don't come true
Eventually our nightmare came to an end
You gave us the gift of leaving
Am I evil for being Thankful?
You died alone
Should I have flown to be by your side?
Somehow it seems fitting you parted in this way
If I had come I may not have been able to hide my relief
Now we both have rest
Scars Left Behind Contest
By: Richard Lamoureux
I walk the broken asphalt streets of a once proud city
Where proud monuments still stand tall and sturdy
Built to honor patriots; dedicated men of yesterday
Men who knew the meaning of honor and integrity
Men who sought office not for power or riches
But for the love of their country and her people
And I cringe at the thought, were they alive,
How infuriated they’d be to see
Broken hopes dried up and tossed aside
Broken promises crumbling like the broken streets
Broken citizens peacefully protesting
See them tempted to revolt
As they plead for their children’s tomorrows
See the broken system and a bureaucracy pregnant with errant ways
Hypocrisy no longer hides her face
She flaunts her wares with ease
Emboldened by ill-gotten wealth
Blind to the writing on the wall!
If alive today, we’d hear them cry,
‘Tear down these Billboards of blatant lies
Break the platforms of clever rhetoric
Put an end to infantile bickering
Erase all the superficialities
Wake up to your reality
In the final analysis
One simple truth remains…
Each of us will exit this stage
As naked as we came!
The shell of my heart has been broken, shattered like glass
My soul misguided, manipulated from it's path
Each new lesson becomes so much harder to learn
Love is a Flame of Fire, stand too close and you'll get burned
The doors that free me, emotionally they remain closed
You can find me in the garden of the wilted rose
Each petal is a memory slowly fading to black
The pain inside constantly reminds me where you're at
A single thought wages a war in my mind
Heartache has been here since the dawn of time!
Her name is Sadie and she is a cashier
at the drug store around the corner
from my current place of employment.
She always has a smile on her beautiful face
and a kind word for each customer she meets.
Sadie always dresses in a combination
of lavender and pink from head to toe.
I make it a point to visit the drug store
during my lunch break every single day.
I am slowly working up my nerve
to ask lovely Sadie out on a date.
I have yet to reach that level of confidence.
How can a mere mortal man such as I
expect a earthbound angel such as Sadie,
an unbearable beauty in lavender and pink,
to actually say yes to a proposed date with me?
Sister, was there forgiveness for she who bore you?
For us, your siblings and sometime charges?
For all who would not help, but hastened your demise?
The marble coldness of your corpse,
to my touch, is like an electric shock.
The limbs, the torso, with sudden strangeness,
now bear you slight resemblance.
You feared all pain, but died without complaint.
Who can fathom what you felt?
Was there a last, sharp stab?
A welcome to oblivion?
Or even an awareness of your loss?
Or was death no more spectacular
than a tire deflating, slowly,
And was that the shame of it?
That your life ended, so early,
so silently, and death
was no extravaganza?
"Move!" sounds command.
I stir, arise, lift a laggard hand.
Can movement mark with magic
All latent space?
Shall thoughtless motion,
Mere mindless flurry,
On the empty hour?
"Speak!" rings out.
Sing I, then, quavery syllables
Against the quiet as though
Sound could skirt the still
Or melody make right
The evils of the night.
Think: none judge me harshly now
Save sour I, my mirthless self.
Into stony silence slips.
Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION
Let us welcome all of the children
who are coming illegally into the country.
I guarantee that they will grow up to be
far better citizens than those gross
rat bastard politicians who are currently
fouling up the nation in Washington D.C.
What in hell is a feminazi?
I consider myself to be an open minded person
willing to learn new and modern things,
but by just the sound of this word
tells me it has a hate filled meaning
which I for one have no need or desire to know.
I have one question: Can’t we all just get along?
I guess the answer to that question is: Hell No!
I thumbed my way across the states,
flew over oceans. I lost myself
in city crowds, tried the boundaries
of my brain's inventiveness --
yet I did not outrun Time.
I did the things some young men do,
avoided others. Years shrunk the heights:
my expectations changed.
I fell and climbed.
The journey still excites;
the roads still wind.
And, still, there is much to see.
That has become enough for me;
but I'll never outrun Time.
She placed fresh flowers in the vase.
She played a happy tune on the piano.
Yet there is no smile upon her face.
She read a book chocked full of jokes.
She slipped her favorite necklace on.
Yet there is no smile upon her face.
She wore her most fancy dress.
She wanted to look her very best.
Yet there is no smile upon her face.
He was the man of her dreams.
He left her for another woman.
There may never be a smile upon her face.
(African human populations are being killed off by war,
famine, disease, and neglect...much like many rare
other species...when will we pay attention and try to
stretching out, encompasses curtains,
on distant savannas, of shimmering heat.
And animals vanish:
ibex and antelope;
Here once, now going or gone.
And time vanishes now.
Animals gone, one has no focus.
Moldering greenery, mute,
moves mainly in wind --
pliant life, submitting to breezes,
passive in sun. Rooted in spots
not chosen or won.
Plants do not vanish.
We do not prosper.
We vanish, as animal,
and go hardly noticed.
A dirge, as animals vanish.
We vanish unnoticed.
Reflections in the mirror
were getting scary
I could not carry
the weight of my pain
it almost took my life
to learn to love again
for I have made a friend
somewhere along my long lost way
I hope that I helped him
just a fraction of how he helped me
maybe that single thought
is what finally gave me my peace
enough to release so much
Now I am not afraid
to walk where the streets are hot
for I thrive in Hell's kitchen
where the devil stirs my pot
for I now have him quiet tame
I sacrificed my dragons
at the alter of my name
and now you are my slaves
any time I need
I'll call upon my superhero's
to come and rescue me
like my Saint Toni
who swept me off that bridge
and showed my how a death can be
the greatest reason to live
for she was the seed to grow my Eden
then a man from a foreign land
gave me something in myself to believe in
the magik of Love.
I stand and wonder as I gaze upon the prone shell of my father’s former self.
The shadowy remnants of a bull of a man slowly wasting away
A man with a brilliant mind, a mind now faded, all but gone.
He lays there with the needs of a small child needing constant care.
Another victim of an insidious disease that robs you of your mind and dignity.
Call it what you will, be it dementia, senility or Alzheimer’s.
It is the thief that strips you of your freedom, your fortune and finally, your life.
What God would cast that upon a righteous man?
I often escape into
the solitude of my mind,
where there is peace on earth,
monkeys have wings and
all of the young ladies are fine.
It is not quite Heaven,
but it is certainly not Hell.
In the perfect solitude of my mind
Chuck Berry and Elvis Presley sing
old time Rock and Roll duets.
I may well be going insane
but it is far better than
Twenty First Century reality.
Insanity thy name is Jihad.
Shithead thy name is Jihadist.
Diarrhea thy name is Jihadism.
If a godless commie Russian married
a fascist raghead nazi goober
their children would be inhuman,
sort of like a cross between
a humongous fat useless pig
and a dumb jackass donkey.
They would be products of de-evolution.
Even then they would be smarter
than their parents because they would
at least have a few active brain cells,
less than ten, but at least some,
while their parents wouldn’t have brains at all.
Raghead nazis’ and Russian commies’ heads
are filled with only pile upon pile of horse turds.
Enemies of love, pride and injustice
The actions of the benevolent unnoticed
Spark the cigarette that blinds your eyes
The smoke that hugs your nose, and penetrates your clothes
Grey streaks on rose-colored dyes
The red man that guides your actions,
Is the same man you look at in the mirror
Childish ambitions, oh cute superstitions
Ego of a scapegoat, the nightmares of gloat
The pirates of humanity afloat with no fear
They mime the tale of those who seek
The money in banks and the water of the creek
Their enemies brandish guns, cars and jewelry
Brownish tones of indifference
The Robin Hood mentality of selfishness
The human condition overlooked,
Suffering is malignant
The cancer spreads to the lungs of the desperate
Shooters of chemicals and perverts splattered in blood
Shrewd victims of consequences
Flooded in waste, the barriers of insecurity
Robbing our children of their eloquent innocence
He’s a damn traitor!
Cut his head off,
stick it up his ass,
throw him in a ditch
and let the rats
gnaw the rotting flesh
off his bones!
End of story!
I am as human as anyone
I like to be happy and have fun
But you don’t care for me, even if you can
To you, I am the invisible man
My presence goes unnoticed all the time
For you, talking to me is like a crime
Do you see my face when you look at me
Or do you just look and never see
Your priceless attention I try to grab
To brighten up my world, that’s so drab
I make silly jokes to fill your life with spice
But to you, I am someone you despise
So I live my life as best as I can
Smiling through my tears, trying to be a man
A man whose existence, to you, in your world is desirable
Not what I am now, Invisible
These trivial pursuits
The day looms long,
Largely unused, unplanned,
Inertly I idle,
Mind meandering meaninglessly,
I am a cheeky monkey
And long arms
To swing from tree to tree
Looking for tasty leaves
A banana for my tea.
I live here in the jungle
With all my friends and family
But our home is getting
Smaller and smaller around us
As the giants with there machines
Cut down and burn the trees.
Granpa says soon we will have to leave our home
But there is nowhere else to go
What will happen to us
We are scared and do not know.
So much for humanity
Greed and a lack of caring
For God's creatures and our beautiful planet
Made to provide everything we need
It breaks my heart
And I'm sure God's too
Filling his heart with pain
He won't put up with this much longer.
And very soon the land destroyed
will flourish again..
For all eternity.
‘Twas the day before May Day
and now may it never come.
The house was nigh near empty
except for the sad lass on the settee.
Her true love promised his entrance
at two o’clock sharp, no sweat,
but it’s now a quarter ‘til three
and her beau is nowhere to be seen.
Nay! Instead of a love song via the harp,
there’s only sad music coming from her heart.
In the distance men at arms
looking to conflict only harm,
What is to be the plight of man?
With the intellect of a woolly ram,
life becoming a complete sham.
Energy etched within the P.C Rom
loving one’s self, blowing one’s horn
this becoming decisively the norm,
so utterly concerned I am
for one’s granddaughter our Sam!
The Title may be slightly ambiguous
but it means,Horsman families concern
for the future.
Save this hour of sadness.
This will not too long to try.
Tonight I let it go,
like a river it will flow.
I let my heart burst and shout.
This is the final moment I cried.
Tomorrow you'll not see me,
the same girl you used and trashed.
I'm a new woman with dignity,
one that you couldn't crash.
Step out and don't look back.
Never even try to open your mouth.
This ears wouldn't want to hear at all.
All profanities,wrath and shout.
You put me on this stage,
where pain is bitterly sweet.
You take away all my fears,
Now, I live like a beast.
It's over now....
Last teardrop dried in my fist.
Prayers upon prayers
In ceaseless array prayers
More than enough
If counting rain drops
How many prayers
To help those below
Overwhelmed with disaster
Man made, machine made
Natural disasters, too many
For earth to bear
Prayer upon prayer
Heaping platters of prayers
Beaches of scattered sand
Needing much much more
Seems to be evermore
Prayers upon prayer
Please preach evermore
Who hears the prayers
of those below
I am a monster
A tormented work of God’s hand
I will roll over you
Like a storm
Because that I am
My energy will attract you like a swarm of bees in spring
Into your lover’s bed
Where I will remove tranquility
From you mind
Before you reject me
I am a Tesla
My fingers set to spark
They will suck the life out of your longing
You will desire to burn again in my hell
But you will remove me
And keep me at bay
For I am too strong in field
To leave close to your heart
Yet I will possess you
Not because I own you
Only will I own your desire
To wrap around my tongue again
And from inside your womb
You will grow a hand longing to pull me into your core
Yet I will unwillingly shake your bed
While you try to sleep
Because I cannot stop
Even when I rest
A storm I am
Cursed am I
With a double vortex of pain
That rips at my muscles
And makes them twitch
When I want them to relax
There is lightening inside of me
That longs to be kissed into a deeper slumber
Just once, so that I can rest in bliss at your side
Will you do that for me, just once?
Or throw me away before the first dawn, as is my fate
My tormented soul
Wants the electrocutioner’s pulse
To leave me alone
And let my limbs recline
For just one night
But instead I must sleep awake
So I do not unleash
Another crushing wave
Against your brain
As my twitching arms attack you despite my love
For while a storm may intrigue you to watch
You will not ride long in the funnel of this tornado
I will become your toy
And discarded after a few shocks of my constant sparking
Have burned your precious fingertips into charcoal
My place will become as your sworn servant
When you require another grinding
And remember the reason your millstones have worn thin
Desiring another load
To render into stardust
And while I just wish to rest my weary head
Upon your swollen breasts of honey
While you sleep against me in pleasure’s afterglow
The storm that never sleeps will jar you awake
And your pointed finger will show me out the dog’s door
Creep that I am
Requires his mask to be kissed away, but it will not yield
No one can endure
A lasting embrace
Because I will bump your arms away in the night
You should be warned
As upon notice be you now informed
My tic ticking heart
Will demand its daily toll
Sending me to sleep alone
A full moon night
to my delight
what is so wrong
with doing what's right
nothing is right
after so long
no use in complaining
time to move on
The Dream Water one day
might take me away
farther from the comfort
I float on my back
then shut my eyes
my body now sinking
into ocean arms open wide
Now swallow your son
back to his nature
when he is no longer
needed to stay here
the next generation
are dooming themselves
they need my experience
to guide them through hell
Why should I bother
on my own, I strive through
I turn my back on the thought
of bothering to save you
alone in this world
my, is it spacious
I'm finally smiling,
never so gracious.
We were on cruise control till the toll was paid
I saw many signs along the way which turned my head
Lonsome Springs of water where I almost drowned
Bridge on the River Kwai where I was imprisoned by you
Virginia is for lovers but we took the ferry the long way round
The Statue Of Liberty waved till I paid the fare
Cape May we go get drunk and did
In the Cityof Brotherly Love there was none to my torment
The car needed a tune up and I sang our song
And you sang out of tune and I forgot the verses
But ,"Momma I'm Coming Home."
PS : I used books, titles,stories and situations of my life for visuals and Ozzy's song, " Momma I'm Coming Home
an unscratched itch
which one doesn’t wish to scratch for one
a need for heat and warmth
a turnstile dreamer ushers night to morn.
A what the hell
why not devil may care
for who else does?
The siren calls Ulysses to her gate.
Flower scents surmount
the desert dryness of aging heroines.
Lotharios play grinding tic tac and toes
searching for the golden fleece.
And neither Heaven nor Hell
with such mundane matters.
This expanse of land has seen things.
Things all of us can only see in dreams.
It's seen war, it's gotten it's fair share of scars.
Bombs bursting, bullets throwing sand into the air like it's a volleyball tournament.
The sand running red with blood silently mocking our arteries.
This magnificent stretch of land has seen heroes' tears fall; dropping to their knees while sadness envelopes their fallen brothers but also looking up to their beloved whilst carrying a ring in their hand.
It's seen bright days, the sun glimmering over wet sand, footprints of past loves being washed away as the sun smacks the horizon.
This expanse of land...has seen things we can only imagine.
a lack of understanding
is not for everyone
and do things
different than you
or your faction
or stretch truth
what's the worry?
over someone else's beliefs
takes you away
from your own routine
is a waste of energy
needed for nothing
causing dangerous sparks
within one's mind
vengeance breeds furious
often unexpected actions
of ill-will occur
or changes for the worse
in the shadows of good
none could tame
extinguish your dealings
with petty rage
of another imperfect being's mouth
cancer vanishes easier
with early detection
or at least learn
from your polar opposite
Should I disregard
what other people think or,
balanced on the brink, maintain
a thin-veneered façade?
Where shall I store,
how shall I keep,
the poetry I must write
but cannot show--
that which smolders deep
and threatens to erupt?
Must I lock it all
securely in a box,
store it high upon a shelf
where none are wont to go?
Would it be likely to corrupt
the innocently unaware?
Should I, at least,
pretend to care?
Might not I plunge into the mob,
joining others of this ilk...
should it be my job
to preach, now the day
has finally been reached --
to walk alone in open air,
free from fear of full disclosure?
Would my revelations stir
those who taunt, who hate?
Might not their spate of hurtful words,
and worse, prompt my avoidance of
the fate they threaten,
encourage my reluctance to unmask?
And may I be moved, instead,
in surly tones, to ask
who made them my judge and jury?
OCTOBER 28 GOOD NEWS IN HISTORY!
I picked me a date.
I chose any date.
Reason is that any day is a good news day.
I created my timeline to illustrate.
I invested wisdom within the knowledge gave.
This should make someone smile and shout hoop hoop hooray.
Therefore, here’s some good news today.
A positive maximum is taken on October 28, 1962.
Cuban missile crisis ended through diplomatic pressure.
The President of the U.S.A., which was JFK, demanded dismantling of U.S.S.R nuclear weapons.
Looking further into the pass views a liberated stance.
On October 28, 1886, The Statue of Liberty was given to U.S.A. as a gift from France.
The Good News Papers have arrived.
We want to embrace positivity into our lives.
We tired of writing about criminal minds.
Therefore, we took a brief trip back in time.
Penned on October 28, 2014!
Fear is fleeting
But in spurts, in different circumstance— it ever remains
Hearts stop, hearts skip
And returning, adapting
The mind does wait in anxious knowing
That the fear may at anytime return
As the hair quickly burns
And is soon nothing
A breath finds its way back into our lungs
Remembering the despair is the true fear
Forgetting the smiles of yesterday
To take on the gray of today
To be absolutely certain
To be firmly convicted in principle and belief
Is the scariest feeling of all
But, like all feelings, it never lasts
The conviction stays, but the mind wanders
Deep into the zones of ostensible comfort
Where it rests merely to frenzy
Into the streets of opposition
Straight into the absolute wrong
But the feeling never lasts
It returns to the minute certainty
The mind becomes determined in the conviction it has embraced
And the best feeling rises above the initial fear:
What a ***** to find time to creep into another woman's bed
or maybe a rat to scurry under my feet for cheese and bread
askin for two shots ina each her toe, knee, chest, and head
Mi na ramp wit dem tings deh fi nobody but my own
My mother told me dat every man will chase fa gold
He'll climb til his youngest grandchild is grey and old
So why be one rat when you can be a Queen
mek him reach fa yu instead of looking cabinets between
Queen had to brush my teeth and wash my face
I had to fluff my pillows and pray for the day
Reminiscing on the bull**** that i just had to lay
Another day on this mutha****in paper chase
As horny as i thought i was i felt my walls pulsing
when i read " till her pussy dry and swollen"
But as i read on... i realized someone was cloning
Remaking the same NIGGA over and again
The life of a rap star. Does that mean you pimp
Does that mean I can ask you questions just like that hoodrat *****
You say you like what you see but you willing to fight yourself
One taste of this Queen melt yo Pimp Heavyweight belt
I told you your style was dope that i hadn't seen one in a while
a while meaning a year, said behind the same sly smile
Maybe that's the b.f you speak of that i'm creeping you with
the one that you reminded me of... with all these hot lyrics
I stay searching for real niggas because they seek me out too
They want a reminder we still exist even across a border or two
my single ass skipped the class on Game but made it to period two
the class on Guns, Poetry, Money, & Family.There were only me and you.
I thought.... Well damn, Any other real niggas but just a few?
Am i the only female left? Does no one have a clue?
That sex is all good from jump and beyond but money got me boo
Even if you aint got the green, ****, help me get on too
or point me in the direction of who to talk to
I'm getting a little Too fresh, it seems, for you
let me switch up my sexxxy back since I only gave you verse two
Still, chimney birds emerge,
cobweb-coated, darkly blithe --
to skim the sky's inverted
bowls of purple porcelain
and to utter their gray-tinged
raucous cries at evening:
a reprimand...and sorrow...
Dizzied by the whirl of crowds
On sidewalks, seen through windows --
Reflected in mirrored, columned walls --
I drink, I eat, I mull and fret, I yearn,
Little lulled by homely music
Softly playing beneath sonorous
Strains of Spanish
(Beautiful tongue, not yet quite my own,
But now not strange to me --
Not wholly foreign.)
I sneak sidelong glances, I peek, I stare.
And I almost always feign indifference:
A pseudo-cosmopolitan air.
I am quiet and excessively polite,
Not yet knowing how to be rude
In this still stiff idiom.
And, I am ever intensely lonely --
Hungry for a caressing, offhand phrase,
Or only a stray familiar word, hardly heard,
Whispering all there is to say of home.
I wiped away the tears of a crying
And felt as though I were wiping
But couldn’t dry them
As hard as
A neighbor knocked on my
Asked me if I would move
And felt as though I were spinning
Because I couldn’t drive it
As hard as
Let me step
But know I can’t go
Let me step
But know I might trip
Let me step
But know I
Let me step
Let me step
Through the endless graveyard, she spies movement on the horizon
Dark birds circle, a murder of crows, wait with patient savagery
"If they are still on the wing, something yet lives out there..."
She feels compelled to satiate her longing for answers
Knowing there is only one way to be sure.....she steps out
Cool swirls of mist skirt her ankles just above the lifeless earth
Cautiously she navigates stone, sky, darkness, and fear
As she nears her destination of the dark birds' obsession, she slows
Inward, she draws a deep, slow breath...tobacco, musk, whiskey, misogyny
Quieting her mind, she hears labored, raspy breathing... oaths and curses
"So, he managed to survive.... plotting my demise, I suppose."
Gingerly, like climbing into a hot bath, she flanks him and approaches
Brandishing her pistol, she takes aim, and clears her throat...
"Aaahemm!!....going somewhere?? Only to your Maker!!!"...*BANG*
Never again will he hurt the Sisters of the Earth....
*contest "AMONG THE DEAD*
2, 000 people in this God forsaken crest of a town
Am I the only one to keep the balance
To count the half second before midnight
To bring philosophy to a women's monthly
And call it quits
You don't know
And you could never be there
Cause when you're there
Betrayed by wet seals in vast grocery markets
Betrayed by the heavy weight of a manicure
And beaten down by the harsh scent
Of the after sex
Too cruel to shake it's fuming head in our direction
But too serene to keep you shaking
And why why would anyone want that
6 people in this God forsaken house
God doesn't even give it the right to call it a home
God sends it with two teeth and an ugly birthmark
God doesn't grant the wishes of a ten year old
On her two knees praying for her savior
And wringing her lungs of tears 'till morning
And you could never be there
Cause when you're there
You're shivering from the cold
And a swollen belly that's been empty for days
Empty of food water sleep and comfort
Empty of God's infinite grace and empathy
And why shouldn't you be for the things you've done
The naughty things a ten year old does
The sticky curious findings we shoved in our mouths
And why why would anyone want that
4 people on this God forsaken island I call my mind
Sylvia the silver tongued snake
Vintent the red breasted songbird
And the man whose name is not to be mentioned
Myself the whole idiotic lot of me that dances with thought
We're counting the days off 'till new year to give up our one last dream
And you could never be there
Cause when you're there
And the silent squabble of thoughts isn't enough to get you off
And people pride themselves on a trait they can never achieve
And you're the whisper of this town this house this mind
Marooned by an entity of passion
Separated from the depth of nothing big but neutral
But given freedom in a red dress
And you could never be there
And God why would you want to
And God from a ten year old a sixteen year old
Why why would anyone want that
Falling down the rabbit hole,
tumbling, twisting, uncontrolled.
Regret filled voices fill the void,
each one calling out my name.
Caught in fractured dreams,
reflections of my true self haunt me.
Blood red shards fill the air,
no love remains here.
Bitter pieces of a broken mind,
seeking out my personal truth.
Step through the shattered mirror with me,
and see this unreality.
A nation at war with itself
A father sucking his daughter's breasts
A child cheering at her mother's pain
My heart is heavily laden
My soul bleeds profusely
disaster comes with every meal
Tragedy is my morning shower
Irrational has attained rational
To err has become acceptable
Abnormality is now being celebrated
the corpse is rot but we still court it
My phobia for ills have been suppressed
My mates scorn my many woes
My behind is the house of humor
My back is like a senile penis
Indeed,I was made to be great
How my success got waylaid?
is a mystery beyond my big head
My name,my friend,is Nigeria
How did i go wrong?
String wrapped around a spindle
Unwinding as an hourglass marks time
Sand trickles to the chamber below
Marking the moments of a life not truly lived
The sound of silence begins to drive him mad
Traveling back in time
To the nightmare of a life of dread
Memories that should never be relived
The torture chamber of his mind
Screams in the darkness
Rocking to an internal beat
Feeling a pain to deep to express
You could not protect her from him
She seemed so small
Holding that lifeless doll
Rocking there on that floor
That same internal beat
Together you cried
Together you rocked
A clock strikes
Silence is broken
The hourglass sits
A pile of white sand
If only time could truly stop
He winds the string back onto the spindle
Then he rocks
Alone in the dark
Thinking of her lifeless doll
William Thomas Pickering, 2nd Battalion Royal Fusiliers, G/3371 born 1881 died 1916
Commemorated by name on the Thiepval Memorial, France.
Remembrance day ..
A field of bright red poppies dance
As I walk hand in hand with my children
Through the battle fields of the Somme
In my pocket, I have a bunch of wheat
A token memory from where he fell
At peace, to have walked where he walked
As the poppies begin to fade....
I hear the thunder of guns, shrieking shells
I see a vast sea of dismembered bodies
A No-Man’s Land of mud and wire
A military display of fireworks dispersing
Casting light on this horrific hell on earth
For underneath the poppies lie, the remains
Of so many men who died, blown to pieces;
Where a river of blood will forever bleed
Passed on from generation to generation
The great loss of war, which nobody wins
As I remember my Great-Grandfather
William Thomas Pickering.....
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Or just a rumored hypocrite inside…
He went to church and paid a tithe.
But that was just part of his very good side.
Who would have thought that a man like him,
A man of considerable standing,
Would make his own children his sexual toys.
Not just the girls, but also his boys.
They all grew up with mental pain
Two of his boys committed suicide.
How did he do it?
Why did no one tell?
Why did they live that horrible hell?
Emotions and heartaches followed.
The degradations most never knew.
Was he a perverted hypocrite?
Or a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Shifted to his horrible side.
Thank God, he finally died…
No one cried.
Do tell, if it happens to you!
© March 3, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde
Sponsor yasmin khan
I find myself sprawled on the floor
Frantically trying to gather the pieces
My heart has been shattered
Jagged, sharp, crimson colored shards
I lay wounded, unaware of my surrounding
The surface is hard and cold, a slab of granite
A crowd of onlookers, strangers stop to stare
They gasp in disbelief at the spectacle
I have a front row seat, standing room only
The sunlight has pierced my soul, I lay exposed
Heartbroken, abandoned, dignity is out the window
I'm holding a bloody big chunk of my heart
I tell myself, breathe in, breath out
I close my eyes, so that I may see with clarity
With eyes closed, the view is breathtaking
Healed, healthy, vibrant and alive
Still with my eyes closed, wide open, I see the crowd
They begin to applaud, then quickly disperse
I become the lone witness as my heart heals itself
As the darkness explodes into sunlight, triumph
Delete sadness. Insert hope.
I hear someone in the crowd singing my song
Once, when no star shined
on slick, black, asphalt roads,
the murky wetness
of November's watered nights
a freedom-feeling and
The moisture lubricated
sluggish mental cogs that
all the dirty, dry, autumnal season
had rusted tight and atrophied.
Wildness no man can tell
I knew then.
All November's labored length
my nightly notions filled:
my bacchic spirit soared and flew,
traveled far, saw much in waking dream,
along a single street, wet
and splotched with light from cars
which coughed their fumes
as they passed my momentary immortality.
time has come when I no longer
feel delight to revel in the wildness
that I knew:
senses, now subordinate to sense,
defuse the spell
and November nights are merely
A pill for this
A pill for that
A pill for your pet armadillo
dog or Rat.
A pill to make you sleep
A pill to wake you up
Drunk with water
from a glass or a cup.
A pill to take you up
a pill to take you down
A pill to chase away the blues
and make a smile from a thrown.
A pill to reverse the side effects of a pill
A pill for Humpty Dumpty
Tom Thumb and Jack and Jill.
A pill to make you virile
A pill for a aching head
One for the husband
the other for the unreceptive wife in bed.
A pill for swamp fever hemerodes and gout
A pill that you put where the sun don't shine
another for your mouth,
Pink yellow green and blue
even if you don't need to take them
there is a pill for you.
Shake me up I'd rattle
I gave more chemicals in me than blood
But still the Doctors swear their doin me good.
The Pharmaceutical and their shareholders
rub their greedy hands
and live in exotic lands.
A pill to make you younger
A pill to make you-
'' Live forever''!!!
Peter Dome.copyright.2014. Jan
Now night hangs heavy
I am alone.
Lost in the past.
Why do I stare at you, in my mind,
with your dark eyes living velvet
in which I lose myself?
My fate's contained in yours.
Let us be extremely frank
and speak the truth about ourselves --
share our anxieties together --
discuss between us what sort
we can't be any longer,what sort
we now desire to be.
Fallen out of love with self-conceit
we shall not regret the loss.
Red, yellow, blue.
The fireworks in the sky
Go crackle boom-
Like a child,
To her room-
For the sounds
Remind her of
Shootings in Beirut
Bombings in Batroun
Other mothers sobbing over their
The fireworks in the sky
Go crackle boom-
And the city celebrates
As my mother’s
(Iced with fiery war-)
Thaws with gloom.
Drenching cold in every fiber
Washing away the little girl
Who once believed she could fix anything
Clinging to spiky reality
Like a tuft of white fur to a filthy branch
So painfully determined,
Yet unrelenting rain;
Torrents of raw emotions
And mudslides of despair
Saturate and smear her fragile innocence
Her hope will dwindle,
Until nothing more
Of that child
In the rain
I remember history well --
the ancient guidelines --
the lessons repeated,
the dramas reenacted:
the dates, of course,
were of no import;
catching the drift of things,
that was the art.
Languages change, seasons wane.
People experience all the old pain.
What happens now?
What happened before?
Lessons of history
are writ on the walls --
they peek out from thousands
of toilet stalls
where Kilroy once sat.
Memory, oh sweet memory,
Lost in dizziness, but found.
Excite my brain to joyfulness.
Pain is sometimes lethal.
Memory loss is just one warning sign of this war.
Add to that: headaches, depression, oh, the mental pain.
Numbness, insomnia, heart palpations, and more, begin slowly.
From whence comes your sweet deception?
My bones ache and I cannot breath in life's memory.
Lost in my own fantasy with dizziness.
Imagining a chemical warfare against the masses.
Common folks like you and me but subjugated peons.
Mushy brains found among the young and innocent thin.
Excite my brain with your pondering, my muse.
To you, I owe this mysterious inkling.
A powerful infiltration, a plan concocted by the enemy.
Chemical warfare on the home front, disguised as pleasure.
Marketed among the unsuspecting –
Aspertine is thy name oh great deceiver
In the name of sweetness, mental acuity dies.
Freely given to the soldiers in Desert Storm, diet soda!
The Plan: Conquer a great nation from within.
Infiltrate every aspect of life in a well-laid plan.
Thus, food and drink may lead to a nation's folly.
Slowly slipping away our freedom to be US.
Quietly. Unobtrusively. Ingeniously. Irreversibly!
Joyfulness, visit me; remove this pain for it is great.
Chemical warfare kills.
Sometimes, we close our eyes.
But we must not.
Lest it becomes lethal to our free nation –
© March 17, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Et cetera Free Poetry
Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi
RELATED LINK: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/11/06/aspartame-
She seemed somewhat sad
So she slid
...Cellophane Soul screams
Such subtle sorrow
Sweet, still sleep
She succumbs slowly
Sad Cellophane Soul
Cellophane Soul soars
© 2011 Kevin Stock
The calendar expires
in time's continuum.
shift and fade.
Locations change; faces age.
Everything, though different,
remains the same.
Plus ca change, plus ca meme.
The stars are ruled by cycles
that the year produces.
Time decides the issues.
Our lives are nursery songs
in minor keys and
everything's been said.
The chains that bind me are soft as silk,
Gossamer to the touch, so thin you wouldn’t think they could hurt...
They seem no more than mere bangles,
Jewelled manacles adorning throat and wrists and ankles
They don’t grate on my skin, barely fray the edges of my nerves
Most of the time I don’t even realise they are there
You must be so proud of yourself my love;
You were the weaver of these restraints,
The arbiter of this subtle asphyxiation
You ensnared me with ropes of words, with sweet nothings
And declarations of impassioned love,
Spoken in the name of God, the Merciful, the Ever Watchful
If only I possessed even a fragment of such omnipotence –
I would not be here now, tangled in this soft silver stranglehold,
In these necklaces and girdles and garters of a lover’s laws
When was the moment where you stopped being gentle
And became, instead, a gentle-eyed tyrant?
I must have blinked and missed it, or been blinded by your beguiling smile
Anyway it does not matter now, because here I am,
Dying a slow perfumed death in your ghostly arms,
Reduced to a bewildered puppet on the ends of your serrated steel strings
The secrets of my being stuffed deep down inside of my soul,
Where you cannot find them – where only God can see
Because you seem to have lost sight of what I am baby
And only God will be the one to show you the real, wild and untamed me
The person I am supposed to be...
the only sound is
weeping, weeping, weeping
o’er taking, suffocating
looming, looming, looming
Tired and broken
losing the battle
tire, tired eyes
seeping, seeping, seeping
Tears, soft and hot
down saddened cheeks slide
onto heaving breasts, heart
booming, booming, booming
security a myth
for now there is only
sleeping, sleeping, sleeping and
weeping, weeping, weeping.
Lord how I've strayed,
I've fallen in my ways,
intentionally kept from your grace.
I've been so ashamed,
so afraid of the path that I'm walking down,
wondering if I will keep going,
falling deeper in this place.
I've fought so hard to hide my fear,
keep my tears at bay.
Kept a smile on my face,
hiding the secrets that my eyes portray.
I feel the despair in my body,
the nightmares in my sleep,
my steps are becoming slower each day,
my indecency can't be hidden away.
As my weakness becomes shown,
I must sit down and acknowledge the truth,
Lord how I've strayed,
this world is destroying me deep within.
Please direct me back to you,
light my lost ways.
Take that stupid look
Off your face-
This is not the
Place and time
Our words have
Become our Verdicts
And the Judges shall
Sentence us to death
All those Secret Sins
Desires, Dreams, Hopes
All those lies we tell others
Spread on a sheet
Of gilded paper
Our words shall destroy us...
Bare our souls to the
That knows us more than we
Thought we knew ourselves
They all saw what we've been
Trying to hide--
Between those lines
They'll drink like there's
And by dawn our names shall
Ferment, into bitter drops
And we'll write like there's no tomorrow
The night is long
Even History longs to be re-written
Time can be accepting
When it comes to change
We'll write words about how
Our words became
The death of us
And our caged thoughts shall
Break free- and reek of fresh ink
The pigeons will paint the night's sky
And the men will bleed-
And monuments will fall
The sun will rise out of bed-
And stare at its horrid face in the mirror
And we'll write about the tomorrow that never came.
I see a lady walking down the street
Two children in tow, looking so sweet
Looking like the perfect family we know
But they have no place to go
Her lips are bruised, and she has marks on her pretty face
A face so battered, still trying to maintain grace
Walking away from her pain into the vast unknown
Away from the violence and humiliation she has known
Tears stream down her face, while she curses her fate
No one to help her in this land of hate
To feed her children she raises her hands to beg
All the while wishing that she was dead
The children look bewildered, trying to figure out their ordeal
Looking hopefully at their mother, little glances they steal
Trying to gain strength, to face a world full of deceit
But all they see in her eyes is defeat
There isn't a living soul to help you, oh! Mother
People don't care, about you they don't bother
All the world does is make you and your children cry
Even if they could help you, they'd never try
The world watches as you go by
Looking determined, with a glitter in your eyes
As though you have a solution which you will try
I pray that you fight to live, and not try to die
The loud noise of a passing train breaks the silence
I run towards a gathering crowd, and I am stunned by the vision
Three faces, six limbs, scattered guts and blood
Eyes staring into eternity, looking alive though dead
I see a small smile chiseled on your face, oh! Mother
Your children will never face any evil, ever
I have lost direction, my sanity, my health
Seeing you and your children, sleeping in the arms of death
Zoo and state fair
Children, I'm not
Now and this
I enter you
Find me in the surge of the seas
Find me in the stillness of the lake
Find me in the flow of the river
find me in every cloud shape
Find in me the power to shape a stone
Find in me the relief of parched throats
Find me in the sorrow of a tear
Find me in the hiss of a doused fire
Find me frozen in a huge glacier
Find me in the dewdrop of a flower
Find me swirling in a hot cup of tea
Find me in IV
Find me happiest when I come down as rain
For I am pure then sanctified by the heavens
Each day you see me touch me
but do you feel my pain?
You, use me abuse me, dam me, pollute me,
For you know I’ll come back as rain again.
If looks and money are what your about
your not getting very far with me
If you believe we use sattelites in space to watch television
you have to be kidding me
One happy victom
center of attention of the brand new dance
teaching his mentors the set up
and allowing them to practice
unbeknownst to the hardcore satanists
we have been watching them all along
practicing our own genre of miracle play
and plotting to trump the hole in their plot
Now they believe in magic
as the media strings them along
i am soo easy to get to
since i am the blind leading the blind
practicing the perfect act
to get away with the perfect crime
this is the leash around your neck
and suddenly it has become mine
Center stage of a plot
where they carry out the joke of me
never understanding my subtle warnings
never fully knowing
there is a hole in the plan
for the world does not revolve around you
and your twisted desires
we did what was right
and will continue to fight fire with fire
Act 1 scene 1 practice makes perfect
act 1 scene 2 an act of our own
act 1 scene 3 deadlocked and now you know
The life around me, fitting me like a glove
a practiced routine
waiting to be noticed so we can play our trump
Spy versus spy versus spy
and in the middle the blind leading the blind
the story of a century you cant afford not to pay attention to
but miss out on it all the time
We told you it was a group effort
to do your bidding mr. powerful renegade
this choke chain around my neck should remind you something
something we have in common
but you didn't know i was refraining from pulling the chain
it's getting harder to breath this unbreathable air
it's getting more difficult to handle the constant lies and drama
I will be fine
just pull this chain
choke you back
we will switch shoes
and welcome to my cult classic
Spy versus spy versus spy
soo many people playing yet too many oblivious for their own good
i could keep this up for your best interest
but thats not suiting me anymore
so we watch you practice your routine
wait for the hole in your plan
and prove it
we are deadlocked
no way out for all involved
I step to the side
you get whats coming to you
i get to move on
I'm a noble knight
But in rusty armour
My horse isn't really a horse
but a stubborn mule
I came last at Knight school
My sword is bent
my armour full of dents
I see a Dragon or a fight
I run I take flight
In fact I'm not a knight at all
failed the test
to fat too small
The only damsels I attract
are Damsel flies from the trees
But still I dream
In barracks bare of beauty,
I lay restlessly in bed. Around, a rife
of lifeless characters
from some Saturday charade
sullenly invite me to their ghastly parade.
I merely pull my blanket higher up
and blatantly yell out "Shaddup!"
A spot of flesh, unknown to sun, itches
so I scratch. Musty curtains run
in dusty ripples on their pulleys.
The room overflows with bullies
but I turn over in my bunk
and choose to spurn,
scratching a spot that doesn't itch.
I glance up; the light bulb top is dirty.
So I reach up, unscrew the bulb,
lay silent in my patch of dark,
and try, vainly, to extinguish
a more persistent spark.
The air around me, reeking of smoke and beer,
is heavy with the weight of discontent.
I lie still, darkly fomenting
an impotent dislike
for atmospheres like this one.
I writhe upon my squeaky cot and dun,
and growl, like some ancient,
burly, and barbaric Hun.
A small important part of me I treasured dies.
Vehemently, I vocalize my intense tension
using interjections "nice people" never mention.
Finally got around to
writing on paper
seems like forever
My pen flies,
runs away with my chicken scratch
much like a chicken
running away with its head cut off
Better write this…
feeling’s bearing down on me—
Ever felt that way?
Like there are 999 fire ants
and you wish
that you can just die
You wait for that
final fatal bite
--but it never comes
simply because it
needs that 1000th ant
It’s the magic ant
with the final deadly bite
So you are tortured
You keep scratching,
Never really knowing
where to scratch since
the itch is everywhere
and nowhere at all
and so I just sigh.
Fire ants biting my heart.
*** Wrote this one because of the Ants in my towel plus I was feel angsty O_o
Gosh, that was crazzzzyy! Good thing I felt some of those ants biting me
on my shoulders and arm--then I stared at my towel and aaack,
it made my skin crawl--yeeek!!
Haha had to take a shower again-- *shudder* just thinking about it--
so nope, not for any contest ;)
Movies played but seldom watched
As we entangled on the couch
Intoxicated by each other, we drank wine to clear our heads
Things were simple in those times
You were red-eyed and freshly mangled
I wanted so badly to make you smile and forget her
For a time I think I succeeded
We were blissful in our distraction
Playing grown up as we discovered each other
Long nights where sleeping was forsaken
We preferred to lie intertwined
The sun would rise and you would leave, reveling in how the hours had escaped us
Smiling at the pink tinged sky
Only to repeat the process nightly
Then we traded places
I am the red-eyed one, and another tries to help me forget you
Sometimes he succeeds
Perspective feels like a cruel joke
Someday he will have red eyes too
A cycle perpetuated
I walk through thin veils
of colored light and carefully
tread upon gleaming shards
of precious glass -
broken and neatly scattered
upon arctic bathroom tiles.
Each sliver reflects
a single piece of your
An arm, a leg, an eyeball -
a swollen horizontal speck
perceiving a soloist’s surrender
outside a witch’s mirror.
I cried your name
loathsome waves of solitude
this past weekend -
weightless letters floating
above my bleeding passion
like starved vultures
gleaning over carrion.
Did you know the affection
I’ve smothered you with
these past thirty years
is beginning to smell
like dirty nylon socks?
I use them now to
dampen my bloated eyes.
You're fitly ignorant
of my extended limbs
and repressed sorrows.
They covet apparel
not filamented with
fleece and falsities.
Your rehearsed kisses
are dressed in dull razors -
rendering my lips
gauged and coarsely
I took a shotgun
to the nightlight last evening
and prayed as I reached for you
through strands of tattered muslin.
I was hoping to grasp
a parcel of your fading glint
and humbly touch
your jagged aura -
I foolishly cut my hands.
Let us journey
In side unknown world
Gambler of life
Is there a way out ?
Riding in tunnel of life
Wise word of maturity
To live in duality
Resting and wave
Grips my hands
Speck of light
In this immortality
If this a poem then am dreamin
they leave great potholes
when they pass away,
we tumble in so willingly
some are even given names...
like: "god please help me"...
"cant go on without you"...
"ever since, every day is death"...
they jar us back to sweetened times
before the beast grabbed the throat,
when forever sat plump on virgin vines
funny thing these potholes
nothing can fill them in
matter of fact they get deeper and wider
with the spade of time
we have to swerve around them
into the oncoming lane
face first into somebody else's pothole
and these potholes are lonely-clever -joining together
till every living breath becomes a big black hole teather
filled with things that fasten tight to death...
dear mother hold my crumbling hand
(spring vines of yesterday)
a forty five year climb
from one pothole to another,
there's no peace until i become the pothole for another.
Her name is Lucinda, a mere child, just turned fourteen
This hapless woman child, born of the blood of many lands
Conceived of youthful passion, in a moment of youthful lust
She arrived unplanned, unwanted and unloved, as no child ever should
Like you and I she has her hopes, her dreams, her needs and her plans
Here before us stands, this lovely child on the cusp of a blossoming womanhood
Abandoned by those who should care but who are oblivious to
Her wants, her needs, her dreams
Cast to the hands of fate to drift alone upon these savage streets, alone to face the night
You know they found her early Sunday morning, at early morning light
Lying silently in the crimson blood, the blood that once had held her precious life
Her name was Lucinda, a mere child, a lovely child, just turned fourteen
Cry a tear for her, SCREAM.
You saunter through the double doors
Head held high
Chest puffed out
Putting on airs
You think you’re so clever, so deceiving
Showing up baring the most ornate mask
But I see right through
The mask that you wear tonight
You think it will conceal
You think just tonight
In this hour
You can be somebody else
But you’re dancing with the Belle of the Ball
This is MY Masquerade
And this is the 147th event
You just don’t recognize me
Because I wear a different mask each time
Your mask is cheap material
Sequins missing, feathers askew
Such feeble attempts
I smell your bravado
Putrid and reeking, stinking up the air
But I see right through
I’ve donned masks my whole life
That’s why I am the bearer of this sash
That you see around my neck
“Strongest Person I Know”
But I allow no one to gaze under the mask
Sure I play the Belle oh so well
But if you all saw beneath
Saw WHY I’ve had to wear masks
You’d strip me of my title
You’d rip off my sash
Break the pearls from my neck
You’d run for the door tonight
Quicker than Cinderella at the stroke of midnight
That’s the beauty of a Masquerade
You can pretend to be something you’re not
When one guise becomes worn
When it loses its sparkle
It’s glamour and charm
That first catches your eye
Well it’s quite alright
Because I have a treasure trove
BURSTING with masks
Grab another and keep dancing
Twirling the night away
Never skipping a beat
But when the music finally comes to an end
When the door closes and the final guest departs
Empty wine glasses are seen scattered all around
The only sound is the echo of my heels
When the confetti lies lifeless on the floor
That’s when I remove my mask
Exhausted, worn and weary
When I gladly, almost desperately
Take off my tattered sash
And throw it beneath my feet
Because I’m not resilient and strong now
I feel weak, frail and reclusive in my realm
That’s when the tears start to brim
That’s when I wish someone else held the title
So stripped and naked
Alone to clean up the mess
Everyone else has left behind
But there’s no one to there to pick up the sash
Just me and the sound of my tears
Echoing as they hit the floor
Almost fearfully I pick up the sash
Dust off the confetti
Smooth out the wrinkles
Before placing it back around my neck
As I throw my shoulders back
Standing taller than ever
Wiping away tears that no one saw
I walk back to my trunk
My trunk of the most decorative
Ornate, obscuring masks
Finding another to wear
As I prepare for the next façade
The next Masquerade
The staccato stammering of bass guitars
punctuated the flash of strobe lights.
Limitless vistas of black and gray;
smothering the crowd in ghoulish poses.
Framed, as if frozen, in a glow of acid white.
Some stagger, their movements mimicking,
the rigors of death or birth?
Others jerk puppet like
upon invisible, randomly clipped, strings.
And, as the music grinds to a halt,
driven by the apocalyptic pace of the Disc Jockey,
and the hard scratching sound of synthesizers;
the charmed, trance dancers disperse;
swallowed whole by the shadows.
*St. Vitus's dance was a social phenomenon
that occurred primarily in mainland Europe
between the 14th and 18th centuries;
it involved groups of people, sometimes thousands at a time,
who danced uncontrollably and bizarrely.
Men, women, and children would dance
through the streets of towns or cities,
sometimes foaming at the mouth
until they collapsed from fatigue....and the beat goes on....
I see you
everything spirals out of control.
Jealousy spews its
emerald poison through
my heightened veins.
Longing and loathing
are equal partners in
my extreme discomfort.
It's not hate -
not quite -
but an aversion that seems
to know no bounds.
The sight of your
face fills me with
maybe just a little
Desire for friendship
for your attention
for your approval.
In the hopes that it might
calm the tumultuous churning
of my soul.
I yearn for peace that
seems so hard to grasp;
to best you, to be you
either way I want to
so you can no longer flaunt
over my meager self.
"send him down" LET JUSTICE BE DONE.
"send him down "spoke the head of talking wool.
the victims crowd cheering at a volume suitable to fit the crime.
the judge looks lost with his last boom of the gavel.
another day,another life lost to life.
but life don't mean ten years or more.
he's done two on remand,and will be free in five more.
life don't mean love no more.
the rich fly the sky's as the poor share the floor.
"we'll appeal and repeal"said the barristers stare.
matched timidly back by the broken man's glare.
the crime he'd comited was to want to survive.
he fought his attackers and paid with two lives.
should he have laid still there and died?
and had he died there and laid.
would justice have come and made his child less afraid?
would confusion have gone up in smoke with the blame?
"we love you and miss you"read the letter of volumes.
the solicitors are writing through a red taped army.
here are some kisses from us all for you to consume.
your name will be upheld and no longer tarnished.
we love you old fool like the wind loves the rain.
like the birds and the sun, we'll rise together again.
untill that day dawns let hope be your sun.
send him back up,LET JUSTICE BE DONE.
...en l'an soixante-dix de mon age...
All the familiar names from our youth
now belong to aged, unfamiliar faces.
Even my own reflection startles
as I pass the mirror
hanging in the hall.
Suddenly, we are old.
And, although taken by surprise,
we must accommodate reality --
perhaps convince ourselves
how lucky we survivors are --
how much better that we wear
these flaccid faces, these worn-out bodies,
these aids and apparatuses,
than to have ended
while in almost-mint condition.
But these are mere macabre,
So, let's forget all this!
Turn up the music
and hear us murmur,
in weakly mordant, fatalistic,
"We're still here!"
hot summer we stand in the cemetary
I wanted you to wait
until I could be there
wait for me
a lost child is the lost center of your heart
days click by as with any grief with any death
but this one
oh I know
a lost child is the lost center of your heart
I'll always be missing
Each day he felt the distance growing,
separating him from where and whom
they thought he should want to be.
Though he was adrift in the currents
of prevailing winds, he felt the pull
of strong undertows -- and he didn't know
to which he should acquiesce
or against which he should struggle.
He neither acquiesced nor struggled.
"Didn't he think he should shave,
shower regularly, get a hair cut, lose weight,
shine his shoes, change clothes, and show up early?
Shouldn't he set an example?"
He wanted to imagine a "but" to refute
apparent logic, could do no better
than to scribble description
which drifted across the pad,
influenced by other undertows.
He tried to last, having once believed
in the universal flux, but could no longer.
Finally, he avoided mirrors and others' eyes,
kept to the rooms' darker corners, and
no longer engaged in conversation --
not even with himself.
If ever a frailty should be rued,
then my emotional resistance of
those who hold my affection dearest
to them, is the sin that equates my soul
with the essence of a Hitler, and condemns
my name to the highest degree of infamy,
While my heart longs to be understood, my
fear of abandonment dictates my legs to gain
distance as each loving gesture is offered in
repetition, Persistently they reach, only to be
disregarded, and embody me within my shame,
Friends and family alike, endure the coldness
of my introverted haven, staring into my eyes
in hopes of disconfirming the projected emptiness
that flows from actions, words, or lack of both,
As they hurt from me, I scream for them in silence,
A deafening continuous stream of soundlessness,
that elevates my withheld pain from ache to harrowing,
Yet they can only assume the contents of this confession,
For my words go directly from mind to paper, and
never see the eyes of those who need to know this tenderness,
To express such powerful statements and risk the familiar
sting of neglect or abandonment once more, is a fear that
surpasses every shameful tear, haunting my thoughts as
a reminder that lives on insomnia, thus I remain devoted
to a faithful vow of solidarity that keeps me sane and sheltered,
Moving at a constant pace, racing against my own fright, holding
every term or phrase of endearment within, and running from a
past that will not be relived by my decree, Alas, with mortal lungs,
mechanical legs, and a heart that lies somewhere between the two,
for and from,
the feeling I desire most....
Sordid, shoddy succubus
Mottled, beguiled muse
Hungry for hope
An eruption of erudition
To be showered with praise
Where dreams tease unkempt hair
And eulogize tear stained verse
Sacrificed on stripped oak altars
Trembling hostages of insatiable sermons
Mourned by cramped, fertile fingers
I pray to my paranoia of invasion
Shadows of salvation
Which pass without query
Chortling echoes of obtuse obituaries
As I lie shackled to tomes of obscurity
I am the maker of miracles
a real spiritual man
waltzing through shadows
as they pull me back in
I know I must escape them
any way I can
I know the way out
like the back of my hand
It's just me and the maker
together, he and I
I told you God is in me
you just thought I was high
talking with the Zeta's
they tell me just why
everything has an ending
and the old me, must die
I'm Calm as a bomb
in the eyes of a storm
they stare upon me
as if I've been warned
turn me inside out
as a goodness is born
I wear my battle scars
so stars know I'm war torn
When the gift of life
is freed from inside
the fire starts fading
then the anger subsides
like the great phoenix,
I go back in time
a miracle is born
and now that I'm revived
in my new life, I shine.
Shift gears, shift gears, excite our spiritual peers,
they’ve lived for years… observing our generations of tears,
for Love’s sake from the limitations of egos’ innovations…
the outer self logic, the mechanic.. the mechanic, of cumbersome thought,
processes the established enemy , escape… escape the human mind,
the tangle vine…the vintage of the whore’s wine..
its rape its murder the sickness, the disease , the fleas..
of strife, the strife, the schizoid, of the void,
explored of Sigmund Freud, …
the logical ego entity … shift away infinity… infinity, the divinity,
the cup of Love’s logic awaits…
with Spiritual plates, with open gates…
the infinity of divinity the beginning of thee,
let us fly freely into the sunlit arms of the fresh blue skies
into the very nature of the power of life, the being of free…
out of the prisons of the self mutilating concepts of logics
flagellant human projects… keeping us bound,
away into oceans blue, Agape’s unlimited…clarity
into the fluid of faith hope and charity…
thine sacred, thine… sacred heart, Love‘s apple cart..
life… before the human concept of strife… the knife, the knife…
Oh.. the concept logical knife, the parasites, the parasites…
the makers of false love in the night… the egos up tight.
the children of the night, the human plight…
of the logical concept black as the night..
beware… beware of mechanical egos up tight…
As jy jou pyn buite wys
jou inlig dat die wêreld
En hulle is reg.
Maak nie saak hoe hard jy
dit smeek om te stop.
Dit hou aan draai.
Ek word wakker en is
gelukkig vir drie
Dan onthou ek,
Dit draai en kantel mense
In hul karre, hul kantore.
'n Stortvloed van klein
mans en vrouens
Wat deur die lewe tuimel.
Probeer om nie te dink
wat daar onder wag.
Soms draai dit en stuur
Wankelrig in mekaar se
Ons kleef styf,
Opgewonde en laggend,
gegooi op 'n bewegende
En dan draai die wêreld
En iemand val af...
Dis so 'n lang pad af
Koud van skok,
Kan ons net staan en kyk
hoe hulle val
En geleidelik kleiner word.
Onttrek stadig uit ons
Tot hulle nie meer
Ons versamel in
Stil en gespanne,
Asof ons die impak gaan
Die plons van 'n rivier klip
in 'n donker put,
Probeer om die diepte te
Probeer om te meet hoe
ver ons val.
Geen impak kom;
Die oomblik gaan verby.
Die wêreld draai
En ons draai weg,
Gaan aan met ons
Ons vou ons self toe
Om ons warm te hou
teen die koue.
"Tyd is 'n goeie
"Ten minste was dit
"Die wêreld hou aan
The hands of a child
Spread out wide
To catch heavens rays
Eyes tightly closed
A silent prayer
She is not ready to go
She is afraid to fly
Her wings are so new
She feels grounded to this world
The love that is here
Crying whispers that flow to her ear
Yet of God she has no fear
Still she does not wish to leave
She prays with faith and truly believes
God looks down and smiles
He knows if he leaves her there will be trials
In the end love does conquer all
He will not let this angel fall
A tiny butterfly
Placed in her right hand
Spirit to body with his command
Hourglass refilled with pure white sand
His angel girl
Her new life planned
With these hands contest
By Richard Lamoureux Dec 26,2013
Great contest Nette!
In this babel
I'm to find my feet
In this city of vice
I'm to live and learn
A land of pain,few gains
Still,they yearn for my best
My head held high
but how long can it rise?
My neck tweaks from the strain
Yet,it dares not drop
I'm caught in a raging storm
Again,i'm told to stand tall
but how did i jump?
from a thorny cliff to a stony sea
How do i remain unscathed?
All eyes on me now
My test beats my head
how do i proceed?
Oh mama nature
where hath thou placed me?
Oh my incompatibility
reduces one to the backwards of beyond,
you are suppose to be at my command
yet stone cold in your ability
when this user of self want
is eliminated through stupidity.
copyright Harry J Horsman 2014
Born into the frustration of this life
A fire fueled by abuse and negativity
Feelings of anger flood over me
I can’t breathe
Panting and gasping because this fear consumes me
All that remains within me is dark
I am lost and afraid
There is no light to lead me to safety
This darkness is constantly with me
Chains of depression bind me
I am in need yet I do not ask
Life evolves around me and I remain the same
Crying from within the hole that once was my soul
Though many surround me, I remain alone
I see the world outside and long to fit in; to participate
I reach for the door but it grows farther away
I search and yet somehow there is no other opening
Opportunities pass by like rivers
I suffer in constant sorrow
My heart beats rapidly out of control
My breath is jagged
My muscles ache and spasm
My chest is constricted
Darkness overcomes me and the world is silent
I faint to the floor
Another day gone
Locked inside the walls of captivity I remain
People pass, birds fly free, children laugh and play
Winter, spring, summer, and fall
Every second of every minute
Every minute of every hour
Every hour of every day
Every week of every month
Every month of every year
Every year for all of my life
I exist but do not live
I am a prisoner and a slave to fear
*For Sami's Small Cage, Big Bird contest
A weak shout louder than a gun shot
Out of a mouth full of depressed misery and dead emotions
A walk to infinity
A search for the light in a place so bright, yet so dark
Between sun light and dawn
Where birds sing for roses
Away in distance
Where destiny lead my way
It's going to be okay
Last words my ears choose to hear
To relieve the pain in my heart
Darkness filled my eyes
Don't try to make it shine
I smell the end
I feel the tears of grief drowning me alive
I lay down in my coffin
Under the soil
In the freezing ground
Isolated from all around
No need to make a sound
Or wear the mask that hides what's beneath
Surrounded with woods
beneath the ground just as I was
Tossed as a stone
Like a leaf fallen from an autumn tree into a lake so deep
With my skinless skull and wrist bones where cuts of regret cant be seen
I lay In my cave
In my only home
With my only friend
My rival my enemy
I can't let go...
Thoughts rushing into my mind
Bursting in and out
Words I never thought I'd speak
Words my tongue never dares to say
Well...now I know how it feels
Now after I'm gone
My lips are fading
My soul is drowning
My body is decaying
I reach the limit
Where heart beats doesn't matter
Where I can't breathe the air
Where my only road is to hell
I'll bathe in fire from this day and forever
Never made you proud
Forgive me and make it better
Two roses laid on my grave
Endless time passes as the sun goes by
Pure melody in silence
A selfish wind blows taking with it one
and there goes one in vain dropping it to far away
I gaze through emptiness
Waiting for my eternal time to end
For my angel to appear
And save my weeping spirit from my sins
Which have become my reality...
Don't tell me I won't like it...it's not for you to decide.
Don't tell me how to raise my children...we're doin' just fine.
Don't tell me not to worry about the economy.... you're not livin' back with mom.
Don't tell me not to agonize over the Gulf spill...well, I'll stop when I see one of THEM start!
Don't tell me the "Republicans" and the "Democrats".... it's all a smokescreen anyway.
Don't tell me terrorists are up to no good...I have a sneaky feeling neither are YOU!!
Don't tell me to feed the children of the world.... let's start with our own!
Don't tell me to save the planet..... from the window of your European S.U.V.
Don't tell me I'm wrong.... who made you right?
Don't tell me you're not keeping me down....and kindly take your foot off my neck!!!!
And again I looked, I scattered my sight there and here, thoughts just posing in my head “why” people just standing against me, pure innocence of mine just scrambles me,
And breaks me, “what did I do?’ I ask again and again,
With no answer, people’s laughter, Laughs, without me, leaving me in the open, cutting my soft delicate tanned skin,
People enjoying themselves, people that shattered me, those laughs like arrows dipped in venom pointed at my weak spot; my Heart
I ignore them will all my senses, with all my might, shut the door lock and cry
Those tears that nourished my soul and blurred my vision,
My vision so watery and indistinct. I squeeze shut my eyes, locking the doors to the soul, the tears just escape from my portal-like senses, I open them again, wipe off the tears harshly with my palm.
The door opens; it’s my sister, my beautiful- little sister,
She came, to hug me, to console my killing solitude, with a kiss, so blissful, so radiant; it lit the worlds above me
A hug, so deep, but it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough to shed the tears, but it bought the price of a smile on my lips, a ticket to the manner of serenity.
The flash of fear I feel
at passing darkened windows
or dim-lit mirrors
comes when I observe, reflected,
a stranger in my clothes
(or skin) and think:
is this the me
that other people see?
This ghostly image
that I know cannot be me?
Though its actions correspond
to those I take
in shaving, bathing,
wielding cans of aerosol,
surely I would recognize
this jaded, aging,
that the world
I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
When is Mum, coming for me?
"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"
I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now
I wish God
Could make my Mum
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!
I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own
A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!
Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm
“What am I going to do?”
“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?
“Is my life worth living?”
Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!
(To my Best Friend)
For you I dream of hope
always for tomorrow,
yet this day one hope’s never to end
although this life without a dream
a reality to pretend,
alas without a lifetime friend.
It’s almost tomorrow
a life sadly coming to an end,
something inside of me tells one
I’d been so wrong
when dreaming of our lives
in streams of tomorrow.
It’s almost tomorrow
this day one hope’s never to end,
tomorrow I know you’ll cease
to be my only friend
this life you live
to come to an end.
Goodbye! Oh no it’s almost tomorrow
this day which will wrench us apart,
“Please oh please
take the good out of goodbye,
there is nothing good,
about a final farewell”
In a dark swirling empty nothing I am written,
with many descriptions of pain and victimization
made by a harsh,
world of circumstance.
I do as I'm told:
I try to sway my reader
to understand the pain of my master
who authored me,
knowing fully well how impossible that is,
because he himself doesn't understand pain.
Yet he tries so hard to communicate it.
So I speak only in vague terms
using the darkest words of the human mind
just for good measure:
all for shock value;
serving my master's need
to prove his pain to my reader.
But I am far too loving to allow this...
so I knock on the door to his inner sanctum, and ask to be let in
so I can give him the hug
he's refused himself
since the day me and all my brothers were born.
All the things you should know
All the swings you’ve taken on me
But haven’t noticed at all
And there goes the things you won’t know
Can’t you see all I got to tell you?
Can’t you tell just by the sound of my steps?
And as it seems you won’t notice at all
And I won’t tell you, not now, not tomorrow
Till you notice what have you done
How does that stomping on my dreams
Dragging all I know down
What I thought was concrete now is just flour on the floor.
So by now all I got to tell you
Is, ask me please
Just the right time, the right words and everything fine.
And it seems that here I’ll be for eons
With all this around me
And you don’t seem to care
You don’t care at all
With my broken past, and you can’t see it
And there it goes my hope
Within this forest I don’t see a way out
And guarding what’s left it’s all I have.
And still you don’t care.
We are the nobodies
Unloved, un-hated, un-phased
Outcasts of the world of popularity.
Banished to the fringes of existence.
Finding joy- is a rarity- no solidarity
Always seen at a distance-
because we are the resistance
Nameless faceless and speechless-
When we speak the response is an echo
Bouncing around in a black hole
We can't hide from it so lets go
Into the darkness of our abandoned soul
Alone, lost, and shrouded by darkness
left to face the shadows of heaven
Lost in life- Our suffering is endless!
To each other we are brethren.
We are numbed by pain
And blinded by shame
we are social life's bane
playing popularity's game
We are the nobodies...
take away the roads
dig a hole
fill your moat
smooth texture from life
bleach the silver fom crosshair
the color of blanks
of blue pearls
march along the plywood vein
tapping at this tired thing
singing produce =produce or starve
no time to act tired
count those aces... tight
another day-another race
don't make a mistake
tired thing snoring
Land of wave-like verse
churning love into a
tasting of nicotine and nectar.
Steeped in tears and magic
Metaphor for silver or nubility
immortality and abundance
Hiding your yawning emptiness
Behind ballads and psychosis
Airless craters turn to
allegories for love
consumed or unrequited
Lost or gained suddenly
like a surprised sliver of a plum
inside a boarding house Sunday cake
And a certain cliché for
A plus. Black.
B plus. black
C plus. Black.
C is cool so black?
B is better so black?
A is awtstanding so black?
Is black ink xpensiv?
(misspellings are intended to convey a certain meaning)
KITCHEN KISSES KINDLED
What did I ever do,
The “you” as in the one who held me as softly as any cushion ever fashioned
The “you” as in the you who had me so thrillingly and thoroughly impassioned
The “you” who said you would be my “you” until the sky poured blackened rain
The “you” who swore that you would weave a way to wish away my every pain
The “you” who swished on by me at the oven in the kitchen where we kissed
The “you” who assured me that upon our happiness God himself would insist
The “you” who fancied that split-level yellow house at the end of a dead end street
A cull de sac where our children, a fantasy and a fairy would so heavenly meet
A home we would create with visions of childhood and youthfulness born anew
what did I ever do
Because you see
With naked certainty I know what you did to me
© 2013...copyright PHREEPOETREE…..~free cee!~
My heart is waiting for the day,
when you choose her over me.
It knows it's going to fall,
Even on this soft carpet floor.
Where the arrow falls
A life is taken
Its flight was always destined to find
The rebel’s heart
The believers who shake this world
Extinguished by the powers of state
For the rule of law defines society
This history that made all men equal
That teaches our children democracy
This democracy that America holds dear
And England expects
Has been stolen, hocked to the highest bidder
Reformed homogenised and re-distributed
By the invisible hand of a powerful few
Your choices defined by control
Hidden in the refuse tip of mankind
Austerity and debt
Dumped by Druid bankers mesmerizing us
With chemical whispers that poison our dreams
Democracy has found a new owner
And we are its victim
A nation of employees procreating our lives in debt
Government no longer the servant
People in a cage, no escape
For we are the slaves
Destined to die in unmarked graves
Forgotten by the winds of time
This illusion that this, is the bed we choose,
But even this is rented
For all property returns to the soil
Waiting for the next solicitors pen
The money that you earned
Its value now raped
Slowly evaporating in the
Inflation of wet banker’s dreams
For your democracy was always a dream
And this nightmare is here to stay
Your heroes have all been seconded
To protect the carcass that these jackals share
And the rebels that are left
Will never fire a shot in anger again,
The slave has nothing to fight for
Because nothing will ever belong to you.
Except for a copy of their democracy
And another bill
For explaining, all this to you.
Nation is getting richer
We are getting poorer
You say Poverty is crime
We say change your line
Criminals are treated better
Jails are their abode
Anyway get easy fodder
We live in the open
Destined to live in hunger
Crime Pays, Poverty is sin
Is Poverty a Crime?
Change your line.
the life that you have now
is the one you will cry over when you are removed from it
it happens that many lives are taken
away from the now and when we lived
the can’t grow fast enough is bicycle hard to catch up to
crispy in leaves, and, bare under the bark
It could have been me
whose brains got blown off today.
And it could have been you
wasted in that high-rise inferno.
But neither one of us,
at least not yet, vaporized as gas.
So let us be merry, drink!
when it comes, smile, don't blink.
the smell wafted like a dream.
charred wood and red smoke.
“benjie!” she yelled
as i ran away down the hall
raising my arm against the flickering heat.
“benjie, come back!” she pleaded. “leave him alone!”
hot air rushed across my face.
hearing nothing but the roaring smoke
i froze-up --
torn for the first time
between Comfort and Knowledge.
out of the choking haze
came a whimper
and a scrape.
and a punch shook the wall.
i peeked inside the sizzling arch.
hot pitch oozed
from an overhead beam
and dripped tiny flamelets
onto the hardwood floor.
he was there alright.
and sitting on the floor in the corner.
“what’s the matter daddy?”
he looked up
through crazed eyes of fire and hate.
“go away boy”.
then he cried
and hugged his knees.
In the choas we new order in nights we new the emptyness
of a once filled apartment.
The laughter ,The seldom thought voice in a queit storm.
Bare now are the walls I cant recall.
Like a ghost that huants us in a dream it's faded into
just another day of a endless moment's.
And in anothers hands maybe you'll grow like vision.
Instead of reamaning as my soul and cold dead earth.
Maybe it's a scene none can recall.
Or maybe there just to scared to see themselves in failures grasp.
Maybe I should have never closed that door.
Light chases life into the corners of my empty room
Bare as my words some doors should never be opened again.
She will not say she was Predator.
She knows she was
(She has that throbbing memory to
But it's in her intuition,
Her breath (her life)
To be Victim.
Let her play the part.
"It was like a game of chess
Against myself and I;
And thus I lost-
We met by fate
Intertwined by what we loved
The ice gradually cracked and broke
And I wanted his flesh on mine,
His breath on mine
But he wanted me wholeheartedly.
But I was too torn
I am torn to pieces.
Yet I consented knowing...
I will break everything
So long as I'm broken
And without action,
He was made broken
And now he breaks everything.
A pestilent sick that penetrates.
How was I supposed to know he would grow ill?"
Smile until your jaw cracks,
Else she'll bicker
Til you do.
Don't show signs that you tracked her lie
But show pity...
She doesn't deserve pity
But smile with pity
Pity that the b**** lied to you.
That she deserves.
Several women were in the breezeway
Going from the sanctuary to the Fellowship Hall.
On either side of the French doors,
They gazed out the large windows in fear.
As I walked up to them, one of them asked
In hopeless desperation, "Who will go outside
And get the supplies for us." They looked at each other.
She said this because the enemy was on our shores,
Patrolling every city, great and small. I saw the armies.
People were afraid to venture outside their houses.
There were no soldiers in the street at this time.
It was a clear day. I said to them, "I will go."
I opened and closed one French door and felt it...
FEAR was thick. It crouched like a black jungle cat,
Panther or jaquar, lurking in the brush for prey.
My eyes were wide open as I walked the distance
Of the Staff's parking area. There was a chamber
Underground set aside for certain supplies.
The enemy's presence was strong as I looked around.
I think I had to unlock its door before I opened it.
I took what was needed and walked through Fear.
I never saw him, but the enemy's threat to pounce
Was felt with each step until I quickly reached the porch
And entered back inside the church in front of the office.
(This is a dream I had the year after 9/11.)
To Dine, To Die;
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.
Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.
An endless groan
The debate grants no throne.
Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.
"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.
The day had dawned with promises of times good
When the little child was begging for food
Hadn’t seen a morsel in days, still didn’t have it in sight
Would the Gods in heaven pity my plight?
The day had dawned and the nation saw rays of hope
Although Oh! Father, they found you hanging at the end of a rope
Unable to bear the grief of seeing his children die
Lying around, like birds that couldn’t fly
The day had dawned and the flag was hoisted
Pomp and show followed, banners were posted
But I didn’t get a grain of rice, even though I tried
And I watched, as of starvation, my brothers died
The day had dawned, and we’re independent they said
Free from the clutches of an anarchist figure head
But why am not free from this destitution
What did I get from freedom, or a new constitution?
Should I believe the hollow words of the proponents of this theory?
For their words are like icing on an undemocratic pastry
Or should I look around and trust what I see
Not a drop of water, not a standing tree
Look at the sky, God! Has the day dawned?
Look around you, and wave your magic wand
Rid the world of sorrow, set things right
Because for the little child, it isn’t dawn, it is still night
It took eight and a half years
You finally melted me down
Dribbled me on the floor
The liquification of me
Not needed any more
When I had started
I was so strong
I worked hours on end
Was part of the team
Took part in your dream
Some how I got lost along the way
To much heat every day
Not noticing the signs
Lost inside the lines
Unable to comprehend
No longer able to pretend
Now I am a different shape
Cooled within the mold
Put on a press and rolled
Up for auction and sold
Left to the highest bidder
Sold and more than bitter
So the dance begins again
Yet I am not the same
More familiar with the game
I will protect myself
Refuse to be put on a shelf
I will not be pushed aside
Melted or undefined
I am much stronger redefined
My new armor is asbestos lined
All through the night of the day when the madness began
Fever comes to visit me.
In bed immobile,
Sheets dampen beneath my filthy hair
The night creeps on towards dawn
And no sleep preceeds it.
When at last it comes,
It marks the point at which
Breathing becomes my sole occupation
Tests define my days
I and the medical machines
Begin to merge.
New lines are attached daily;
Monitors, nutrients, fluids, blood.
In all directions they flow from me
Until my metal caretakers and I are so interconnected
That spongebathing becomes choreography.
Invisible killers roam at will,
Dealing death and wounds
Then moving on, like clouds across the sun.
A seige mentality settles over the entire area
The shadow of sudden, random death passes over all.
My personal shadow lies upon my lungs,
Quietly, steadily, pressing away my breath.
The tests go on and on and on
Blood is drawn 'til veins begin collapsing
I feel like a prisoner of the Inquisition,
Sustained solely by the spirit of those
Good fortune makes my own:
Wife, Children, Parents, Friends
- All the best reasons, in short, to live -
Never fail to help bear me up,
Feeding me the honor of their concern.
They fan me when I burn,
Warm me as I shake with cold,
Remind me of all the good
Awaiting my return.
Then at last there fell the evil day
When they moved me back to the higher ward,
The place from which one usually does not return,
Chills washing me like Arctic waters,
Shaking like an epileptic
Fighting the mounting panic
As I gasp shallow breaths
Like a fish hauled aground.
Since that time I've seen it claimed
That suffocation brings the kindest death.
Whoever wrote that
Had a strange view of kindness.
There followed a hard night of fear and confusion
That passed into a dawn I never saw nor felt.
At some undefined hour they wheel me back to Intensive,
As Gulliver's god slides off the wall ....
And everything comes to full stop.
The meadow was so sweet
Our stile where we sat our retreat
When her longing lips met those so willing of mine.
Yet a cloud of unconsciousness
The darkness of the day revealed
Inside one’s head a busy mind,
Then a soft voice from a distance
Echo’s throughout the confusion.
A face appears I thought I recognized
Saw a little girl her hair white as snow
Yet in a fragment of time she was gone,
Through the haze materialized
An Angel in a gleam of light so bright
A touch upon my face a gift so powerful,
Tender love in its purist etiquette
Ran through my entire body,
To awaken me to reality
Another chance this celestial gave to me
If only to say one last time. Goodbye!
© Harry J Horsman 2013
Brother, why the haste
why are you so quick to bail
how life has made you frail
why art thou so lean in faith
Desires of sodom, you chase
till you wear and rot to waste.
The truths of life you dare not face
you cower behind the shell of race
and bequeath to it,the fortune of your days
Oh Sister, why the haste
this phase you crave
is soiled with fray
this course you chart
is fraught with chains
Are you numb to the flames;
that chars the face with pains
that lays in wait, in ways
unseen to sight and gaze
You fill your pate with tales of hate
and lose your fate in pits of vale
The weight of your plate
is filled with kills of kin
why the haste, brother
why the waste, sister?
Silent Voice, Silent Voice
Silent Voice, Silent Voice
Harboring deep within
Words of wisdom, full of grace
Snared in entangled chains of fear
Yearning to be spoken.
Silent Voice, Silent Voice
Isolated in a world so cold and cruel
Contemplating to embrace the
driven desire to dance freely towards fate
Without fear of being broken.
Silent Voice, Silent Voice
Have faith! Let the knowledge of truth
Be the wings that guide you through
the perilous journey to escape,
the silent rage that has bound you.
Grasp on to, and cling to all that you are.
Silent Voice, Silent Voice
It's time, it's time
Freedom has irrevocably found you
Silent Voice, Silent Voice.
Let it go;
Say not a word,
Save us both from all the hurt.
It's been too long,
Our friendship's gone.
Your "jokes" have gone a bit too far.
You'll miss me, yes,
But just because,
A door-mat is all I ever was.
You walked over me,
Never let me defend.
Is that what you'd call a true friend?
You've realized now,
I don't need you.
You're trying to get to me again.
I'm not giving in.
You replaced me before,
Go back to them.
My heart is fierce in its longing for you
With thoughts that mimic flitting butterflies
Like stars chasing the moon in the black velvet night
And every time I close my eyes…
It is you whose face I see
I ache from deep within my soul
Wanting to feel my fingertips trace the soft texture of your skin
Run my fingers through your soft, chocolate hair
Longing to see your smile - beaming radiant like diamonds in the sky
Lying in my bed at night the fingers of darknes touch my skin
The moon quietly tiptoes through my window
As silent witness to my bleeding heart
Closing my eyes…
Brings your image closer to my mind
For you... are a violet glistening with dew to my longing heart
An angel - in a spider's land
Where they deceitfully weave their web of lies
Unwillingly... turning your heart against me...
The mother who loves you so
I drift away into a restless sleep dreaming of you- my girl
As the early morning sun creeps through my window
I awake... with a heart that breaks all over again
I am a prisoner held captive by my love for you
My precious, little porcelain girl
My love for you will never end
I pray for strength to see us through
For someday we will win this battle
And the love we share...
Will lovingly come shining through
Neglected and forlorn
like the parent uncared for
left to the ravages of time
the great pyramids of Khuf
Khafre and Menaura sit.
The city about them spewing
the gases of man into the once
pristine desert and sky.
Hydrocarbons and lead turn
the atmosphere a shade of ochre
tinged with rust,
and the haze through which
the marvels of the ages are seen
is all that maintains the fantasy.
as the life in and out of Cairo Egypt
leeches off the glory of the past.
Architecture, art, gold and silver
that flowed from the mines
like water from the font of Eden
oil the skies and pump the heart
of a nation.
The Golden Age fell,
fell with the onslaught of the Romans
leaving a people to live
on the corpses of Pharaoh’s
A field of angry faces fume
with mouths agape as spittle flies
from lips best used for other tasks.
Upon the green , the rolling lawn of angst,
demonstrators wave paper placards.
Group A never nearing Group B.
Flags drape the bandstand packed
with pomp and politicians give lip-service
to the trodden rights of man.
Unequal, but present, women, fe-males
present themselves in all manner of vehicles
from stroller to walker to wheel chair, we are here.
For one hundred years, we have been ‘given’
the ‘right’ to own property,
our labor is worth less.
if alone, many are left
in the ranks of the poor.
A field of angry faces fume
no child care, no child left behind,
inadequate health care, still we struggle on
in the twenty-first century,
where politicians preen and prance
and misuse our votes.
The divide ever present,
our ranks rife with unrest,
our creative powers used to shackle us
given only lip-service.
Still, we will prevail.
You think what I do is a joke
Some kind of elaborate hoax
Never understanding what goes on
Barely looking further than skin deep
I bury my feelings
Hidden under the surface, bleeding
While I’m trapped inside my mind
You assume everything is just fine
I keep things private
No worries from everyone else
Secrets never uncovered
Tears never spilled
When things finally explode
You’ll dying be alone
I’ll be rising from the flames
This was never a game
Life isn’t a gamble
I don’t want to waste it
Things you said were bad, I find perfectly good
I never needed to be fixed
I may see dark as light and wrong as right
But I am more than you could ever be
Don’t take me down with you
I’m making more changes as you drag that last ragged breath
Smiling as if I actually feared death
Life is better now that I’m free
People are happy and secure
And too late realize all long that I was never weak
Acrid thoughts flow from this observer’s savaged mind,
permutations monitored by the auditor
infestation serviced by worldly parasites,
chromatic skin quivers in the shimmering haze
nicotine stained dentine reflex the noon sunlight,
while recorded historic slaughter highlighted.
Redundant talons clasp at a life just stolen
the fallen, amongst the trodden eglantine lay,
proving yet again man the perfect eraser;
yet a deathly silence impales the aftermath
infected only by cries of fidelity,
ghostly images belying their earthly tack,
genetic torment dipped into another’s hate,
alas no chance to make amends for ancient ways!
Miracles and Miseries
The world resolved itself back into focus
As I lay amid the swarm of monitors
Still gulping the sword that brought me breath.
The worst now past
Many small miseries remained,
Chief among them the continuing mystery
Of my flooded, struggling lungs.
Finally I breathe well enough for the sword to be removed,
But the tests go on and on
The birth of each day bearing forth
Its own fresh indignity.
They give up guessing and haul me down again
To be opened anew and read for signs.
On the day this is done
The invisible agents of death outside
Decide to mock their pursuers
By leaving a tarot card at that day's shooting site.
They chose the Death card, of course
Revealing how little those
Who choose to play God games really know
About the mystical.
Dreaming of omnipotence through dealing death
The unseen assassins miss their own meaning;
For this card signals change, the ending of present things.
They have unwittingly declared their game will soon be over,
Predicting their own demise.
Meanwhile the doctors make their own spread of me
And come up blank again.
Once more I return to I.C.U.,
Held together with staples.
Once more the little agonies ensue:
The sitting, the turning, the testing.
By night they come for my blood.
By day they come for tests.
Always, in the background, the quiet moanings
Of we, the damned, condemned to medical Limbo
Roll on with the blind passage of hours and days.
The English nurse comes, all brightness and bubble
To heave my fragile self about;
She's a welcome break in the monotony
As my sustainers come and go.
Again the busy bedside conferences
And again the final admission
That all their probings have led down blind alleys.
A last-ditch effort is finally proposed:
Direct drainage of the drowning lungs.
To them this seems as a grasping at straws,
But to me it seems the one sensible solution,
And I look forward to it eagerly.
My inner mantra of "This too shall pass"
Is wearing thin.
Like a Christian martyr of old,
They pierce my back with their lance,
And the sea within that is drowning me
Finds its way out.
As the noxious waters within rush out,
Air surges into my grateful lungs.
From this moment, recovery becomes the new reality.
As I recover,
Indiscretion leads to capture
Of the unseen terrormakers.
To the astonishment of all,
They prove to be a dignified looking black man
And his enthralled protege' -
No prior convictions, no history of trouble
Attached to them at all.
This is how our modern Destroyers come calling.
Well dressed, well spoken models of propriety.
Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION