I fall down
deeper and deeper
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
into each cell
turning them against
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
they are hurt
I have betrayed them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
all a game
for one person
the man in the
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
I can't see him
but he is there
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
the sound is mangled
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
only black do I see
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
filled with misery
my worst fears
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
I look sick they say
they see the bottom
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
keeping them steady
picking up tempo
they found it
the music does the talking
it says to hush
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I know what
it is flesh
but belongs to someone else
they smell of dirt
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
I see something
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
I fill with evil
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
I hear him
is his pleasure
oh so dark
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
it would be better
instead of up there.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?
Put a bullet in my brain
as the rain sweeps her out of my arms
and places her into another's.
Put a bullet in my brain
for I don't want to see love slip away
please end my suffering,
for I don't want to dare see her in the arms of another man.
I fear the tear that slips away from my soul
and touches the ground with a splash
as she is washed away by the lashed memories of the rain,
please, someone put a bullet in my brain.
I can't bear to see her with another man
laying in his arms
as he charishes her beauty
just like I did to her.
As she smiles and laughs at his jokes
my heart would not bare the sorrow and pain
that would tare my heart apart into pieces of tainted love.
Please tell the rain to stop,
as the pain grows when rain comes down,
please someone end my suffering,
put a bullet in my brain
and stop the rain
that washes away every memory of her.
Stop saying you miss me
and just kiss me
for I can't take the pain
of the rain that takes you away.
Kiss me and stop saying you miss me
for those are useless words to me.
Love is where it's at, so show me.
Don't go with him, he'll treat you wrong.
Love and laugh with me till the break of dawn
as we yawn the long night away.
Kiss me and don't say you miss me.
For if you go away from me,
I couldn't bare to take a tear and waste it away.
Tears, sweet tears crying for you,
doesn't that mean anything to you?
I ask you, stop the rain,
stop the pain and put that bullet in my brain.
Let the red blood flow from my temples.
Let the plow dig my grave,
for I can't bare to see you with another
in his arms, him kissing you, where I kissed you.
I can't take it, I have to make it,
make that pain go away.
Prayer didn't help, God turned a blind eye
when I came up and said why!
Put that bullet in my dome
and when I lay in the coffin, looking at the roof of the church
you come and kiss me, and then you can really say
that you'll miss me.
DEVIL'S HIDDEN RANCH
Coyote howl, dogs growl
Gunshots, dead cow
Red barn left unlock
Horse shoe upon death's door
Tequila in a cup
Salt of cocaine, shadows of insanity
Guitar string, sad song
Bandit near the door, wife on the floor
Yelling out her name, he's gone insane
Loaded gun, life is done
Far and near ending his intoxicating fear
The road under the sun
A coward in his path
Responding to the Devil's wrath
In a Hidden Ranch in Mexico!!!!!!
Feel me standing there
on the draw bridge
that stands stubburn and erect
over the rushing waters blown by the wind
back and forth.
I listened to the crows
posted on gargoils designed
of eightenth century Gothic architecture
singing their death songs,
when the sun is setting in the far.
The voices of women passing
startle me with a feeling of sorrow
I can't breathe, I am dying.
Feel me, can you feel me rot away?
Slowly but surely rot away
as time passes with ease,
and taxi cabs take smiling, intoxicated faces
to wayward cafes, oh how they screech to a halting stop
and wave to me to get in.
"No thank you, I'd rather walk." I say to the smiling faces
highly intoxicated with the thought of the birds and the bees
rattling around in their empty minds.
Then they drive off, into the city lights and turn a darkened corner.
I look at the rushing water
and feel myself rot away
slowly but surely rot away.
Can you feel me?
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
Feel my heart thump with slow paces
that manage to keep up with fast melodies.
Of songs that play in your mind
only the ones that make you sigh
and think those one days in Spring time
as you walked over the draw bridge
and paid no mind to the water underneth.
I hear no more talk of you and me, I hear no more talk
of the good old times we all shared.
Time has passed, as I take my last breathe
and hold my chest and shead a tear.
Feel me, can you?
If you can, put your hand to my weak heart
and feel it thump away with every second wasted
on useless items.
Now, see me a man of one time greatness
reflect his life with a reflection in the water below.
How I sigh and cry and breath heavely,
as I feel myself rot away.
The voices of woman pass me by.
Tomorrow is a new day,
for the smiling faces in taxi cabs will go home
and soak their raging hangovers with cool, wet rags.
As I still stand on the draw bridge singing with the crows,
feeling myself rot away.
Can you feel me without you, rotting away?
I surely can feel myself rot.
Such a heavy word, "rot"
So vulgare, yet a great description of me,
I pull out a shawl you once wore and I kiss it.
As the wind gusts and the sun rises and my shadow
comes to meet me, the wind shall take my last memory
of you away.
And I shall weep no more.
Then what will I do? Shall I walk the streets
and think of you.
Yes you, still rambling all throughout my head
like a lose screw.
Can you feel me? Feel me rot away
feel me think about you, and all your works.
Can you feel me?
“Hello, sweetie, what’s your name?
Would you like some lollies?
Or my huge brown sugar cane?
Such a nice little girl!
Who’s your daddy
What is he doing leaving you to play with yourself?
Are you scared?
It’s alright, honey, you’ve got me.
I’ll ride you
to the top of those rainbow hills
where pink unicorns and flying octopuses live.
I’ll take you
where the stars align, and the sky is velvet with glamour.
All my care is you and all my pleasure yours.
Put yours in mine
I will show you the world.”
“Sir, you promised me wonders
Yet I’ve felt nothing but pain.
Please send me back home to my family
where we first began.”
“If life were that simple, I wouldn’t have needed you
Should’ve known better than talking to strangers
Oh now you do!
Did it never occur to you that all is just a silly game?
The one that loses is also the one who gained.
to you I lied.
I filled you
with sweet words, and finally made you come.
You’re my one in many conquests,
I your priceless lesson.
Now I’ll make you scream till you pass out,
still no-one will hear your cries.
I might as well kill you.
I might as well die!”
I do not know?
In the attic, above wooden floor,
through the hallway of psychotic, locks upon my door,
near the broken window and glass of the sore,
hiding in the shadows,
bloodstains on the wall.
house at the end of the street,
where lights are low,
where silent never sleep.
Is life worth a try?
Would I be living a lie?
If I smile, would it break?
If I laugh, would it be fake?
I see the tears from the sky and me
See how self doubting I can be
The feeling of damp grass
The moment that's bound to last
The ways I could wash away
All the people who have gone astray
Is it me to blame?
When can my feelings be tame?
Why is this world so dark?
When can I actually make a mark?
The tears all fall down
Ive been given a permanent frown
Standing out is not a choice
Cant risk screaming with my voice
The sky is now dark blue
How many insults were true?
I wish I could be pure
They all hate me, I'm sure
All eyes watch me every move
So much that i want to prove
why do i still put up a fight?
Why shouldn't i just say goodnight?
i don't have anyone to miss
could death give me a dark ending kiss?
Is there a reason for me to be here?
I all i can feel is numbing fear
I just want to feel the sun shine
To feel happiness throughout my spine
But that is just a dream
That will float away with my desperate scream
Help is the word i always say
I ask for it everyday
And what do i get?
I pile full of regret
I think it's time
To end my faith, my suffering, my rhyme
3 o’clock in the morning…
The sounds of bed frames hitting drywall,
The sounds of Chopin and Coltrane played
With a hint of sadness in tone.
Sounds of whores and pimps arguing;
“Where is the money, you whore?!”
“I don’t have the money!”
A sound of a slap to the face
A big hand crushing bone,
Red streaks on white walls.
The sound of drunks walking gloomy streets,
Police and ambulance rush down burned out streets
Sirens wailing, crying out!
A child, six years old
Crying, “Momma! Momma!”
Shedding tears over his dying mother, lost her soul to the
Rest In Peace.
A sound of a .357 magnum revolver click
And a gunshot shakes the nerves of many,
And for a moment the sweet and peaceful silence.
“Dispatch, suicide on 46th street Hollywood Boulevard, Send the Corner. Over.”
Then the darkness sails over
And the entire cities are showered with tears from the heavens,
But no one weeps,
Not a single soul…
How queer the color of viscera
squarely foreign in my breast
To be the butcher and grim and goddess
All in one
Leaves identity succinct
Or identifies succinctness
If it has been
Then so it was always before
Therein is 'Peace'
Reposed and eyes rolling
Great, vacant saucers on vertiginous axis
She is quite the swollen beast
And on all fronts, she is terrible
If only you'll watch you may notice her growth
A malignant sort
An unwelcome appendage
I'd dash it out but I've already gone
Too pale and dogged in life to succumb
I curse her tenacity
She has a sister, I think
Or maybe a child
A child who lives down deep in my chest
A child who shrieks and tears down the walls
Perhaps she dislikes their pattern
The eyes so shattered and so blue,
You sit there and you knew
The pain of losing someone close to you,
And you beg for their return,
But a wish so great, can never be granted.
The eyes shattered and blue,
Take the bottle and drowned yourself,
They watch you destroy yourself,
And they know what they do,
Yet they show no remorse, no pain in heart.
You fall asleep
On a dirty mattress,
Held up by broken dreams
No pillow, no blanket
Just air you float on.
And your blind eyes close in the night,
The dreams come back to haunt you
And the eyes, they watch you,
So shattered and so blue.
Till three o’clock hits again
Wake in cold sweat,
Spiders on webs weaving a nest
In your head,
A cry out for the Madhouse,
Where the eyes so shattered and so blue
Stare at you, through a window with no reflection.
Tell me America ,
Will you win this war ?
Will you bring cruelty to gallows ?
I see you daily here;
Left and right like pendulum,
Ups and downs like leaf-cutters,
Building army, building allies,
Pacing faster on trick’s ladder;
Still this monster is gargantuan,
Like phoenix looks its soul,
Like elixir its spirit.
Storms cruelty gathers daily
The brutish it breeds like ants,
Their fangs like shoemakers' hammers;
Making hell of every metre
That I am affraid America;
From which hedge will you strike,
From which side will you come ;
To bring brutality to its knee?
The day mother bought a hen
And let it loose for airing a bit
No sooner it met the brutish
Than the cruel scraped its head
With their vampire’s aching-pecks.
On their feast of bear your fangs;
The green were shredded like young okra,
And the gray like potato chips;
Every foot wore sock of red ;
That an aged man sermonised :
Monster's world , young as the day is ,
Lions have made morsel of antelopes.
Who shall tame the lions ?
Who shall safe the necks of antelopes ?
Tell me America, will you win this war ?
Will you bring cruelty to gallows ?
Will you tame the lions and cage the peckers ?
The lions are roaring everywhere and there,
Their noise becoming louder and deafening
Worldly peace in monsters' cage , tell me,
Please be eloquent; will you win this war
Or we start building temples for terrors ?
God help the foolish
Everywhere I go
The trees grow oh, so tall
The birds, they whistle cheerily
It’s all so wonderful
This world is filled with beauty
To feast the eyes upon
God help us all when all of this is gone.
Some folk worship money
They have no other view
Short sighted is the way they look
They never see what’s true
Destroying untold beauty
For the power of owning all
They are killing everything that’s beautiful
God help the foolish
They know not what they do
They bring down forests to the ground
God help those crazy few
Where will they get their oxygen
When all the trees are gone
God help them with their foolish carry on.
A world without the beauty
Of trees, and birds, and flowers
Would crush one’s soul so heavily
Why do they need this power?
Oh, what’s the good of money
If this is all there be?
This planet dies, as I watch helplessly.
I Knew Someone Who Was Ready to “End It All!”
I knew of someone who just wanted “to end it.”
Giving up on life, and did not want to “defend it.”
It was a heart wrenching and difficult situation.
He said what he wanted to, with no explanation!
I could see his face and the sad look in his eyes!
What he was going to do next, was anyone’s surprise.
He turned to drugs and encountered addictions.
With this brought much disease and afflictions!
He gave up on the wonderful family that was given.
And turned to a pretty wild and crazy way of livin’!
I told him about a God who loves him very deeply.
As he listened, he began to grow restless and weary.
I reached for his hand and began to pray for God’s power!
It was a miracle! The blood of Jesus changed him that hour!
The spirit of God brought healing and hope to his body!
He was so excited! He rushed out to tell everybody!
The “end” that he wanted, seemed to just fade away!
For the son of the living God, changed him this day!
The glory of God, and the power of Jesus’ resurrection…
Changed him! And got him going in a NEW direction!
He’s so thankful for the blood of Christ’ atonement!
And is a different person now, because of that moment!
This same Jesus loves and can do the same for YOU!
Through the problems of life…
He will see you through!
By Jim Pemberton
Like a volcano ready to erupt
My soul a hurricane swirling
Around my empty mind and cruel
And forgotten soul.
Pain, feelings so strong,
It cannot be described
On a page with a pen.
I snatch the lunar eclipse
And beauty of the heart goes away,
No sight, no sound;
No pain, no sorrow;
No smile, no frown;
No anything, no everything.
A soul so black,
A heart so weak,
That love is long gone,
And will never return.
No pain is worth feeling,
And no pain such that I hold
Is worth writing away,
No use in finding love again,
When faced with heartbreak
One thousand times before.
No more pain, no more sorrow.
I shall go and sleep away the time,
Till Death comes calling my name,
And lilacs and violets litter my way,
And a single ruby hearted rose
Dries up and slowly dies away.
Sinking in deeper,
No way to escape,
The dark and scary Reaper,
Fore told in the Book of Life.
Is this my end?
Will I ever see the light of day again?
No. My wounds, I must mend.
I must find my strength.
Stand my ground,
Face my fears.
Only then will my voice be found
I must survive.
Break the suffocating chains,
Run from the darkness.
Power will fill my veins.
I will Fight!
Fight the painful names,
The horrid memories,
The demented games
And escape My Black Abyss.
I do not know?
The cries in the night as you shed your tears,
Nobody to console and hear your fears,
The nightmares as the take control,
Now I shall show you my other face,
Let the nightmares take your peace,
Let the damnation steal your joy,
There is nothing left for you
There was never anything here for you
Death is a note, thats beauty is black,
As the fire inside let it burn you alive,
Death is friend that will take your pain,
Let your pain fester, and infect,
Do what you wish before I interject,
Death is brother who needs your love,
The Funeral Pyres burn your soul.
Welcome to world where damnation reigns,
We all will die someday,
And Death will one day rule us all, its inevitable why try to hide,
Never to be loved to never to love, Death is a note,
A note that rules you
Your lyrics may finally bring me peace.
Living with nothing but hurt will certainly cease.
No more of this life do I wish to lease.
I have nothing more to give.
I have lost my will to live.
Open up a vein.
And let my life pour out like the falling rain.
Once and for all end the heartache and pain.
Maybe swallow two or three refills.
Then drift away to the permanent stills.
A roof top or bridge way up high.
Not even once on the way down ever question why?
Go out with a bang.
I am bitten by my own fang.
With a shotgun blast, the last bell finally rang.
What about your loved ones you may ask?
Living with out you is an undeserved task?
But I can no longer wear this ridiculous mask.
It conceals a constantly fake smile.
Living now is such a trial.
I can’t eat anymore from this life’s dish.
You may say that I am being cruel
but please try and respect my last wish.
Food has no taste.
For me to keep struggling to live seems such a waste.
All my life I tried my best.
Every day told I am no where as good as the rest.
I was drowning in a sea of abuse without a safety vest.
Who was there for me to right that wrong?
No one; for myself now I must be strong.
So I can write the lyrics and loudly sing my suicide song.
It is written and I am looking at the words on the paper.
Now all that is left is how I wish to meet the Grim Reaper.
But something in the back of my mind asks, “Who is the great deceiver?”
I look in the mirror and my eyes are as black as coal.
Is it I or a demon that wishes to steal my soul?
Is having me take my own life its ultimate goal?
I then realized that demon was in certain people, places and things.
Of which their negativity was pulling my strings.
It was not my fault; they "puppet-ized" me by their evil sins.
I drop to my knees and begin to pray.
With a trembling hand I put the gun away.
Then I hear a Heavenly Voice say.
“Take out your pen and rewrite this terrible song.”
“First verse; forgive everyone that has ever done you wrong.”
“Second verse; it’s not for them but to make you strong."
I will now choose to stand brave.
Hurt and pain will no longer own me as a slave.
I must accept life is full of good and bad.
I can’t have it keep me constantly sad.
I wake to a new dawn.
For me I no longer mourn.
Gladly setting fire to the suicide note on my lawn.
I look up at the Heavens with an ear to ear grin.
Gladly knowing I must always remember this one life saving thing.
There is a terrible song we are never meant to sing.
like a hole
in a bucket
or a faucet
like a brief
or a faux pas
like a uneasy
or an incurable
© Eugene Harvey
I do not know?
T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house not a single noise could
For, you see, the only one up
Had practise of being quiet
even when she's screaming inside
With hand over mouth,
and tears streaming down her face
She silently sobbed the night away
The only festive colour running from her wrists
The only thing she wanted for Christmas
Was to be dead.
Madrid it is a hot and sad place.
Filled once with music and pretty women
now filled with bombs blasting on street corners
and old women hovering over their dead husbands.
Madrid was once a place of love and culture.
Love was full through every hotel lobby
to every small cafe, love was all around.
Now, nothing but abandoded buildings
inhabited by rats and broken dreams.
The hotel lobbies once home to rich folk in tuxedos
drinking expensive champagne and dancing,
now filled with young boys bleeding from bullet wounds
and burn't to the bone.
Madrid once a home to life
now a home to death and war.
Fellow Spaniard fighting fellow Spaniard
in a Civil War between life and greed.
Life was all good and well
till 1937 came around.
the pain starts before the sorrow
the sorrow starts before the guilt
the guilt starts before the anger
the anger starts before the depression
the depression starts before the suicide
the suicide started because of the lonleyness