These Funny Evil poems are examples of Evil poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Funny Evil poems written by international PoetrySoup poets
Peg-Leg Pete the Pirate was a very evil man,
He used to eat his dinner from a filthy frying pan,
And when he’s finished eating he’d play “catch me if you can”
With his desperado first-mate known as Dirty Deadeye Dan.
Now Dan was quite a ladies man, but also fond of booze,
In bars and streets and hotels he liked to drink and cruise,
He used to taunt old-Peg Leg Pete by dragging up old news,
Like Pete had only ever needed half a pair of shoes.
One day Pete had quite enough and things got pretty scary,
Confronting Dirty Deadeye Dan whose mood was always lairy,
A sudden hush fell on the room when Pete clumped in the bar
And Dan called out: “Hey, Peg-Leg, hop on over, have a jar.”
Peg-Leg Pete the Pirate clasped the pistol on his hip
And snarled at Dirty Deadeye Dan: “Enough of your damn lip.”
The floozy sat upon Dan’s lap was dumped onto the floor
And Dan rose to his feet and hissed: “You’d best limp out the door.”
Across the sawdust, blood-stained floor they faced each other down,
And you could hear a pin drop from the other side of town,
Eyes were locked and fingers twitched and seconds seemed like days
The tension burned unbearably and shimmered in the haze.
Both men drew their pistols and both men fired fast,
Flame spat from the barrels with the bullets roaring past,
But neither man could aim for squat and when their guns were done
They’d killed two people in the bar but they weren’t either one.
The barman Blind-man Billy Bragg and the floozy Scar-Faced Sue
Lay dead as dead as doornails, as doornails tend to do,
And through the pall of gun-smoke and the mist of rum and beer
Deadeye Dan called out to Pete: “We’d best get out of here.”
And so they did, they fled the bar, and vanished in the night,
Back to their ship, The Crippled Cock, and sailed on out of sight,
Never to return to shore, and never seen again,
The rumour is they sank and drowned just off the Spanish Main.
The moral of the story is that when you draw a gun,
Be prepared to end your days always on the run,
“Or in your case, always on the limp,” said Dirty Deadeye Dan
To Peg-Leg Pete the Pirate, that very evil man.
Let me sing you a tale, a story of old,
Of a man without fear, of a knight brave and bold,
He sought out adventures, whenever they called,
And the name of this knight was Sir Archibald.
Whilst out riding his horse, a steed of great power,
He saw in the distance a creepy old tower,
At the top of this tower lived a pretty young maid,
Who was cold and was lonely and longed to be saved.
“Oh Sir Archibald, won’t you please rescue me?
I’m stuck in this tower and there’s nowt on TV.
I’m forced to stay in here, and wash all these socks,
While the evil Black Knight holds the keys to the locks.”
Sir Archibald loved the maiden so fair,
With her glittering eyes and her long golden hair.
“Of course I will save you!” was the knight’s brave reply,
“Or at least I shall give it a jolly good try!”
Sir Archie rode onwards, as fast as he could,
Until he came to the edge of the wood,
And there stood before him a terrible sight,
The tall, strong and mighty, the evil Black Knight.
The Black Knight was massive, someone to be feared,
With a scar on his face and a huge tatty beard,
Our villain’s description is only complete,
When we mention his dark eyes and big smelly feet.
“What do you want?!” called he with the big booming voice,
Of a man you’d avoid if were given the choice,
“You’ve got a young girl there, who you must set free.
Let her go now, or else answer to me!”
There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell,
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins,
you now must wish the curse begins.
I looked out side to find a nice day in the month of May
And was walking in the evening just to say
I almost cried and my hands got cold
And winter month got so bold
It was so frustrating and out of the norm
And each person in their heart had a storm
It's the month of May what the! happen to spring
And my headache began to ring
Most people on the first day of May was so happy
And now they look out on the second day sappy
I just want everyone to know it is May 2, 2013
And nothing should be in between
So pullout your snow shovels in dismay
And things you should know will be okay
So good morning to all and to all a good morning
And I just want you to be out their in a warning
The snow is at six inches and beyond
And you will not see green grass in dawn
I help myself by writing this poem
And I will be staying at home
Crazy the weather became bad in May and nasty
I brought out some of my snack and that was tasty
I just looked outside while I was eating
As the snow kept on beating
Shades Of Grey
A peril of sort left my job moved up North
In islands in the stream some apparent evil scheme
Shades of grey by its means something don't actually turn out to what they mean
Shades of grey silver smile walk the old river Nile
A plate of fries evil pass getting to know the midnight pass
Shades of grey all torn up inside we will hide
Souts of joy then applause some may insist on it being a lost cause
Sadly we put up with the chill running down the spine evil swine
In deepened peril outside twilight Christmas Carol
Shades of grey how they swoon to its nightly visible tune.
A Puritan Seizes a Book of Satan
By Elton Camp
In his church great evil does abound
A wicked book the reverend has found
It belonged to his church’s worst reprobate
Such an evil tome the reverend does hate
Lest the whole church risk the Divine ire,
He is determined to throw it into the fire
“Consuming fire doth purge sins away”
Is one of the pious things he loves to say
But its devilish origin he must truly ascertain
So with him for a time, the book must remain
So as the book he commences to carefully read
His wildest fears he finds it doth far exceed
That such words can appear on the printed page
Throws the pastor into the most violent rage
But what the outcome of the story will be
The righteous puritan is quite eager to see
There’s no doubt such filth must be destroyed
But with his carnal nature the preacher has toyed
And he continues to read with unbounded delight
Though careful to do it only under cover of night
Alert -Evil Has Escaped
May I have your attention please! May I have your attention please!
Early sunrise, yesterday eternity, evil escaped. Its real and it’s a big deal. It was given life twice for a hideous crime that doesn’t rhyme.
Be careful and keep in mind, there is no shame in evil’s game. Evil comes in many disguises, and has been known to change your life without a fight.
As we speak, evil was just seen at 33rd and Good Hope Street. Two victims in a dispute suffered great mental, physical and spiritual pain. My, my, another two claimed.
You ask, is there an M O, for this evil. The answer is, for sure. We must not allow it any more. Just last week, two friends in school were fooled.
Evil does what evil does best; it attacks your sanity, when you had little rest.
It has no respect for age, gender, sex, religion or nationality.
Selfish and extremely dangerous. If seen, please notify the nearest Office of Goodness and Mercy. Or contact Goodness directly at www.goodnessgotyourback@Bgood.com.
As a result of your call, evil was arrested and picked out of a profile. Judge ‘Tired Of’, selected a jury who is mean and furious.
After the evidence was brought in, evil was told to raise it right hand and be sworn in. Evil refuse to tell the truth, arguing it was against my belief. The judge said don’t worry, you want get any relief this day, not even a brief stay.
As a result of it crimes, Evil was banished from the face of this earth. And given two hours before sunset to remove itself from the minds and hearts of humanity, or face a deadly calamity.
Friends, it’s within your will to let peace be still.