Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership


See and share Beautiful Nature Photos and amazing photos of interesting places



Funny Epic Poems | Epic Poems About Funny

These Funny Epic poems are examples of Epic poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Funny Epic poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

12345
Details | Clerihew |

Battle of the Sexes

battle of the sexes


~~MONA LISA SMILE
Picture Oil painting worthwhile 
Leonardo DA Vinci, look out!
What is she really smiling about?

(((The popularity of the Mona Lisa increased in the mid 19th century 
because of the Symbolist movement. The painting was thought to 
encompass a sort of feminine mystique.)))



~~JAMES EARL JONES
His award winning voice, rough like stones
Darth Vader, Mufasa, stuttering jubilee  
When I die can he be the one narrating my eulogy?

(((I love James, I'm a star wars freak... <--- yup that's me)))



~~SADDAM AND BIN LADEN
Were very bad, bad men
Causing chaos throughout America & Afghanistan,
HATERS OF THE USA: they should be called the Arab ku klux klan

(((Occupation: Terrorist~ makes me wonder if they went to the same school.)))
                                                                   


~~ADOLF HITLER
The world worse killer
Commander of the oxymoron  Nazi  
Losing at his own game of Yahtzee 

(((The Most Hated Murderer of all time)))



~~YOUNG ANNE FRANK
Her diary worth more than any bank
Famous Jewish victims of the Holocaust
Her legacy teaches that hate is an exhaust 

(((Anne Frank's diary remains one of the most moving and widely read 
accounts of the Jewish experience during the Holocaust.))) 



~~JOAN OF ARC
Angel in an era so dark
an epic hundred year war
her visions is what she payed for.

(((Joan of Arc, also called the Maid of Orleans, a patron saint of France 
and a national heroine, led the resistance to the English invasion.))) 



~~BB KING
Can really sing
Stand by me...
But, can he sting like a bee

(((BB KING~ could not help but wonder if he was a lover and a fighter.)))



~~LADY GAGA
Is no piano sonata,
Madonna wannabe, is she.
Watching her videos make me laugh till I pee.

(((Lady Gaga is Unique as can be!)))


by;p.d.

for battle of the clerihew


Details | Iambic Pentameter |

Charlotte Russe


The rain began with striking thunder noise,
the falling drops were pelting on his head;
his bomber's jacket, after shave and poise
anticipated just, her tall spikes' tread.

Her stumbling light steps were quick and graced;
- oh, sightly maid, that fondling drops wet,
he smiles; she smiles, so rarified and laced,
her acrobatic charm and walking fret.

Her wet, Venusian bends enthrall his brain;
those curvatures must be explored and felt,
his tips will tangle in her moistened mane,
her feminine perfume and garter belt!

Athletic is his run upon the quay,
as lightning strikes around, of Zeus wrath,
in style he throws his rendezvous bouquet,
her manicured lithe fingers long to catch!

A flash demolishes the rose bouquet,
another strikes upon his buckle's brass;
resembling Nureyev at ballet
with Dame Fonteyn, he proves his dancing class!

She joins his dance beneath November's rain;
thus, he forebodes her lustful flames and cries,
uncorking the Dom Pérignon champagne,
receives a third flash on his manly prize.

Embraced they dance beneath the rain and kiss
Mille-feuille creamed her finger tips, will fuss 
to tease his buds, while deponent his lips
descend to slowly taste her "Charlotte Russe".

© 11-24-2013, All Rights Reserved
(humorous-erotic-light poetry-Iambic pentameter)

Sponsor: Charlotte Puddifoot
Contest Name: Charlotte's Scorchers: Erotic/Sensual Poetry 

Definitions:

* Mille-feuille:
The mille-feuille is a creamy pastry of French origin.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mille-feuille

* Charlotte Russe:
Charlotte Russe is a cold dessert of Bavarian cream set 
in a mold lined with ladyfingers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlotte_%28cake%29


Details | Free verse |

Mario and Luigi: The Untold Story

(Submitted to Heather's Famous Couples/Duos contest. I hope you all like!)  :)

“Save me, Mario & Luigi!”

As they both read the Princess’ distress call,
Written in dark cherry lipstick on his walls
“Mama-Mia, I just painted this damn thing”, Luigi whined.

They ride off into smiling clouds’ horizon
Knocking out hopeless Goombas & misunderstood Turtle shells
Rapidly exhaled hustles over flagpoles and grassy valleys
To see who will capture her 1st kiss...and NOTHING MORE

Towards that immense castle in the sky,
They climbed against its walls like two dogs in heat for the 1st time

Into un-screened window archways, they dive in
Their eyes stare threateningly against the Dinosaur-Lizard cross-breed reject

Mario & Luigi begin dropping mushrooms to see stars and taste invincibility.

But, like this battle, it only lasted 10 seconds!

For out from the Onyx darkness, a new hero emerged
Green, not with envy, but of Greek god magnificence
And a strut that would make a pole dancer jealous

He struck down with such brute force, tearing down the gates of Heaven & Hell
Jesus & Lucifer were pissed

It was Yoshi the dinosaur!

With one fell swoop & a high pitched Braveheart-style cry,
He starts dropping eggs like he’s been ovulating for days
Tossing them with such focus & epic awesomeness against his enemies
Knocking them down one by one

He gracefully sweeps up the Princess, staring down towards his enemies
In a condescendingly lifted face, places an old-school Boombox on the ground
With loud decibels of MJ’s “Don’t stop ‘til you get enough!”,
Yoshi pulls out & drops the mic, embracing gravity’s last word

The Princess devilishly smiles at her new green hero and rides him into the sunset.

Game over.

©Drake J. Eszes


Details | Rhyme |

A Good Appearance With A Bad Intention

My adored is here, Oh Vincent! Charming with your perfume's scent not minding if it costs just 50 cent. Wishing to lean on you and form a crescent on your well endowed body which is like an expensive present. Stealing a kiss from me is decent but pulling me back and forcefully keeping my legs bent; even with my resistance, you would not relent makes you a pathetic Dog 100 percent. And I am regretful of my time badly spent. I escaped, when you were a little complacent as you rudely smiled like a badly trained Adolescent. And all these while, I thought you were innocent. How dare you try to penetrate without passing through my consent? Now that the beast in you, you represent, the only thing I have to say to you is REPENT!


Details | Lyric |

Beer Pong Balls

-Sing along to Jingle Bells-


Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!

Heeeeeyyyy!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!


Drinking Michelobe... Sipping on some Jack...
We just made two cups... Give us the balls back!
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Guys can finger cups... Girls know they can blow...
I'm hall of fame, In this game, cause I drink like a pro

OOOOhh!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!

Heeeeeyyyy!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!


A day or two ago... Drinking Miller Light...
I had won eight games, and then got in a fight...
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
We ran out of beer... Had to get some more...
If I'm alive, then I can drive, let's all go to the store!

OOOOhh!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!

Heeeeeyyyy!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!


Details | Epigram |

A season's dance


avant-garde

What art thou, splendid maid, inclined to verse?
Upon the skies, the stars thy words rehearse.

The darkness cometh with a Fall's request
while in thy kitchen, Gail, should do your best;

for spicy tastes the famous bard now begs
but you regaled his pleas with two boiled eggs.

The Eros Iamb feet, sung by the sire,
repeated are by stray cats' alto choire.

while resonant, of music flaws he shuns,
cats meow at him, from two deep tin trash cans.

Your bucket-full of water then, is thrown,
to fall upon his head and new iphone.

Enchanted so, thou callest the fine bard,
to dance with you Fall's jazzy avant-garde.

© G. V., 10-03-2013
(Iambic pentameter)


Details | Rhyme |

SSsssssHH

My clap of flip-flops echo through the hall of books,
 Her eyes shoot daggers with heated looks.
 A finger shushes against paper thin lips,
 A formless dress hangs from her unflattering hips.
Embarrassed I find a chair with feelings of unease,
 Trying to hold back a dreaded sneeze
 She glares at me with a fiery stare,
 So wishing to throw me out on my derriere.
 As I plug my misbehaving nose,
 Another nasty odor ghastly arose.
 For in my plight trying not to sneeze
 My butt decided to boisterously cut-cheese.
 The odor epic within sacred four walls,
It echoed up and down the great halls. 
Laughter filled her grand domain,
All pointing at me for the stinky blame.
  She looked at me, with such empathy upon her brow,
 Our relationship had softened somehow.
 Covering her mirth with a thin pasty hand,
 Knowing farting was not what I planned.
 Now when entering the library, I have a nick-name
 It’s one that I carry with agonizing shame.
 I walk up to the counter, she holds her breath,
 Smiling, she greets me, “Hello Miss butt-o-death.”


*unfortunately this is a very true story lol


Details | Light Poetry |

Dragons Zoo Field Trip

My son came home from school one day, wanting permission to go, to the Zoo.
His field trip sparked a riot. Can you imagine at home, what immediately ensued?
Trolls, Dragon, the weird frogs, plus a sundry of forest folk, all wanted to come.
Woe is me, I thought, as I fainted dead away. Can I even remotely get this undone?

Our neighbor witch, thought it a marvelous thing. She definitely wanted to be there.
But then, now did the entire, blooming forest folk! Can you imagine the result? I swear!
Naturally, the Zoo said no! Then I offered them the rights for the resulting video show.
Naturally, the News Guys wanted to come, for a reality story, all new and fully aglow.

Yes, ‘The Wild is about to meet, the Caged.’ Came the headlines from everywhere.
The witch put a spell on everyone; to successfully return us, without a worry or care.
Then she zapped… Us… There. The Penguins are barbarians, The Weird Frogs cried.
But jumped in, for a good time as the Puffins taught them to ride, their water slide.

The Polar Bears got a chance to play, for a change, with our fun filled Forest Bears.
The dragon went straight to the monkey house, and let them all out… of their lair!
Never fear, he let them ride to the sky, with acrobatics included for them, in the ride.
You see, they’re a curious lot, and literally wanted to see where the human’s abide.

But when they finally saw, what it looked like, they gladly went back, to their home.
Not enough trees for their liking… and cars trapping people in their cages, of chrome.
Now the beavers loved the otters, and the seals made the Trolls roar with, endless fun.
The seals put on a show and the Trolls paid a toll by rubbing their tummies, every one.

The Walrus joined in for the water fun, spraying everyone, and giving the Trolls a ride.
No one was bored, that day, as the giraffes watched happily, from where they reside.
Then as the night came to a close the dragon, did a spectacular, fireworks show.
I’d been near dead with worry. But the day went great, as I finally, came to know.

For once in my life, every thing was grand… as we safely made it home, though late.
Too bad Dragon did sneak back, to bring the Barbarian Penguins, home to our lake.
The next morning I got up to a God-awful noise for the penguins wanted to eat, now!
I could hear them, though they were in my recliners, all down by the shore. I avow!

Not to mention, the Zoo authorities had caught dragon on videotape, start to finish.
I thought we were in trouble, until a truck arrived with the penguins breakfast fish.
The authorities had come along, and wanted them kept right where they are. Oh Joy!
It appears renovations were scheduled, for their beloved home, at the Zoo. So enjoy!

Apparently, this would be their temporary home, so with fond regards… 
They left and… I put Dragon in charge… Can’t wait for the results… to start! 


Details | Light Poetry |

Bearagroves and bully frogs

While cleaning house I over heard the Trolls talking down below.
There was to be a battle in the grove, between a bear and a Troll.
They said this would be the end, to beat all ends, as only one would win.
Well, I’m a mother… so this worried me… on how this would all end.

A Troll and a Bear… fighting…I feared nothing good could come of that.
So, I had to find a way to come between them, to stop them in their tracks.
I talked to the Trolls, who said: this was a thing they… simply… had to do.
In fact, they said they’d all go, and would cheer it on, till it was finally through.

They left when I wasn’t looking, and I had to be there to stop it… so I ran.
The battle would be in the Bear groves where the bully frogs all live.
First I tripped over a root, breaking my shoe, so barefoot… I continued on.
Then I fell into the creek, coming up with mud everywhere, all around.

Brambles caught my shirt tearing my sleeve, but I certainly, wouldn’t give up. 
I’ll admit, that Panic does some strange things, as I continued… to… speedup.
Watching where I was going would have been a really good thing, I agree.
But, I ran into the grove, a mad woman, with pepper spray in my grasp, you see.

Low and behold, I’d been wrong! There was a card game quietly going on.
The bears and the Trolls in their best clothes: and all sat there, giving a yawn.
It then dawned; this was a poker game of high stakes, which I had come upon.
The bully frog referees and everyone looked at me, like my mind was totally gone.

Actually, that’s probably right... Maybe, with worry… I truly had… gone mad.
Quietly I sat down, to watch the game… until the bear won it all… how sad.
Embarrassed, I tried to quietly sneak out: very quickly, you can be assured.
Low and behold, I ran straight into a tree… getting their attention, for sure.

Laughing hilariously, one of the Trolls picked me up, and carried me home.
He said, he was afraid for my health, should I be allowed to further roam.
They were right of course, but my mind will be better by tomorrow morn 
You’ll see… I’ll prove it… when my next new poem is born…


Details | I do not know? |

Your Mistake

'Love is patient'
'Love is kind'
The thought of love
Can turn you blind.

But... Now we must
Take some steps
To verify those
Deep regrets.

The first problem you see
Was that. . .
He lied about
You being fat

That in turn 
Led ya to
Beleiving that
He 'accepted' you.

Mirrors were made
For a darn good reason
And thinking you are nothing special
Is high, high treason...

But no!
He's perfect
And no! He's kind
Seriouslly sister
You've lost your mind.

The recipe to love Is that
You have to love your self.
It's not about your facial features
Or the size of ya belt.

The man should be a rock to lean on
And not! A heartless swine.
So please next time. Do pick him wisely
Make sure he has a spine!


12345