My heart egos and my life drained from me
Simple life I live, I act as I know all
But I know not, no, not even a little
I earnestly seek for recognitions
But my life and my heart is a hole.
An empty vessel, soulless, loveless
I have been succumb by the pain of heart aches
I have become a broken man,
Know not what my future holds
I envy those who went before me, who were acknowledge
I hold on to the little shred of hope in me,
I am being drowned by my own sorrows.
Love, hate, a new beginning and ending of my old self never seems to happen
My wrath against my enemies is nothing for they humor me with insults.
Let not death come to me in misery and despair,
For life is full of joy and full of sorrows.
Love me, as who would love a stranger from nowhere.
Let my sorrows be taken away by the love of many
But at last, no one would.
Don’t cry for me, for no one knows me
They came before my grave and said “who is this man?”
“Why is the name not written?”
It is not written because I am nothing
Don’t shed a tear for the stranger such as me.
Life is like a dream on a calm sea,
As the captain gracefully steer and gently moves its rudder.
The passenger puts their lives in his hands,
A calm sea is the heaven of any sailor.
“So, where is my captain?”
The wind blows every so gently,
But my heart sinks gently into the sea;
Who will mourn for the stranger?
Drowned from my grief,
My faith begins to waver like a ship tossed around by the winnowing wind
My heaven, my calm sea turns against me as I sail the Galilean sea
“Where are thy words that calm the raging storm?”
Ay! I have no peace even in my passing.
I have not thy words of command,
For my faith has been tossed away by the hating winds,
Shallow, empty, and broken I lay here in an unnamed grave.
Only thy mercy will guide me to the third heaven!
Let my sorrows be washed away by the blood of the innocent lamp.
Let thy words be the honey drops for mine,
As this world knows only lies
Blinded by greed and lust,
They seek only to destroy of what they fear.
And my sorrows are tossed away by thy promises.
For thy compassion for lost sheep is great.
"Have I found peace?"
I have, for I know my heart is at rest when my body has aged
And my salvation has come
When I died with thy Words of truth
I wish to die
By the Teak rail
Of a salt weathered deck
A poetic death you see…
Wrap’t snug as a bug
Warm woolen shawl round my neck
With my ol’ grizzled dog at my knee
I’d like to be found
Eyes wide open and round
In a rocker of wicker
Gazing out to sea.
What better a death
An ol’ poet’s last breath
Could there possibly
…and poetically be?…
(Dedicated to Carlos Bousono)
Without digressions and steadily
You grew old like a river reaching the sea.
As one who reaches the sea and the sand,
you let go off the safety of the land.
You fought the storms battling with age.
Your spirit overcame. You turned a page.
Your words became salty and filled with shells,
drifting in light and drafted in spells.
Young in its fervour, brother of the waves,
your heart carried weight, wherever it braved.
Wherever it braved, you came into being
as when morning dawns and night is fleeing
in the slimmest of lights, and you suddenly know
a new day is born and you feel aglow.
You reached old age undisturbed by chance
with time for reflection and eager for balance,
with a gift to listen, repent and find peace,
as the sea waves receive, hold on and release.
As the sea winds play with an errant dove
may the Great Spirit enfold you with love,
carry you, written in wind, salt and sea
to Elysium’s infinite harmony.
Dedicated to Papa
This avalanche I'm trapped in
Has got me hurt and scared
Wishing I were in your arms
Wishing I had been there.
I want to hug you and hold you tight
And never let you go
Papa, please come back to me
I can't live with this feeling I hold.
Why were you taken from me?
Couldn't you have stayed here?
Had you somehow deserved this?
Do you now cry angel tears?
Do you ever wonder and ask
Why you aren't here with me?
Do you even ever see someone
Who can give you the answers and see
Why this has happened to us
And why its taking so long
To grow up and get over this
So that I can get along?
These words they seem so selfish
Because they really are
But this avalance of heartache is burying me
Pushing me down into the yard.
I'm drowning in this deep depression
And I don't know how to get out
I want to trust others to help me
But with you I can't live without.
So no one can help me
But only one guy
But that one guy is you
And as I'm writing this, I cry.
I don't want Christmas to make it to Earth
Because that means another day without you
I knew this sounds cliche, Papa,
But I swear it is true.
Life was short when I had you
And it's even shorter now that you're gone
I don't think I can deal anymore
Now that I'm left all alone.
Elegy for Heidi
The clock ticks away.
But there is no layer of time
and no decision to make.
I have been jaywalking
on the edge of the roof
for the last few weekends;
down below the grass looks
already dark, depressed,
as if death has made it.
then a bird, a simple
blackbird sits on the bough.
It cries out and a hand
rises from the green earth
like a bride waking from
her bridal night, gleaming.
I know, I know, I know,
we are all life’s disciples.
“Come on, wake up!”
“My God, you are from East.
Still night here.” She said.
=© 2009 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar
Although you are gone,
Dearest Blue Eyes,
You are everywhere
In every breath of wind
I hear your mournful sighs
In every ocean wave
The lonely tears you cried
Clings heavy in sea air
Among grains of sand
lies every shattered dream
As anguish rendered your blue eyes
Heavy with slumber eternal
the sea stole you away
Swallowed you up in its depths
To lie in the hollows of desolation
And my heart
Followed you in the waves
Beyond the darkness
Although you are gone
My dearest Blue Eyes
You are everywhere; in everything.
I'm a ship lost at sea, I have no way to navigate,
no compass to give me direction,
a cloudy sky at night and no stars to guide me.
For I am in the doldrums of a relationship,
recirculated in endless circles never to find my way.
When will the sky clear?
When will the seas calm?
When will the stars shine?
For I'm at the mercy of the sea who is my wife,
and told by others are sea stories of peril and woe,
for who knows where the sea will send you when you think you have control.
Pushing on with my sails ripped,
rudder broken and current driven.
I am the captain on the ship of my life,
lost in the sea of despair and don't know where to go.
I lay in his arms
sleep but aware of his presence
I dream of blue oceans
I dream of blue seas
each warm kiss I feel from him
the water becomes wetter in my dreams
I dream of a shipwreck
we're deserted out at sea
so I sing of my love for him in the sweetest melody
and I sing of my love for him hoping he'll swim along
I sing of my love for him as he slowly becomes the sea
the love I sing for him carries on through decades eternally
now I sing to collect souls
I cursed the sea to stir the waters and wreck the sailors boats
I sing of my love for him in the sweetest melody
to lure in and claim the lives as sacrifices
for my love I lost at sea
A ruddy tide strained
silting a dying whisper
salty knotted hair swirled
tainting the sweetness of november
A dark elegy, a classic
of true love betrayed
selfless love perpetrated
an agonizing malaise
Consumed by grief
lost to the lovemaking of june
ebullient eyes now stoic
fixed by the calling of the moon
Holy vows broken
scattered upon the ebb and flow of the sea
whose lies silenced autumn's resurrection
the listless Lorelei
Oh wailing oceans on melancholy days
Your wisps of salt that fill the air
Above your clouds that set ablaze
Of purple passion and looming haze
Where seagulls take flight on gallant
How taunting memories tear lonely eyes
Whose tide rhythms move with wonder
With heavy soles that grip from under
Oh sadness sits with she, and blunder
Should lifeless thoughts come to heart?
When oceans calling for her to part
Flowers of spring, fields and trees of green
roll like waves at high tide across the pasture
but in time the Moon has turned aside Her face,
and the tide recedes to expose a barren plain.
Now midnight, moonless sky, the roaring of the sea
are my friends on a long and lonely beachwalk
soft sand does sift through my toes, cooling
what fires my heart has kindled in another life
yet one smoldering ember inside still, still refuses to die.
Where is the rain, God, you see the smoke!
Do you know what torture does this evil candle to me,
sheltered from wind by the deadwood of memory!
Oh temporal clouds, you are nothing to the
Immortal sea! Never could you douse a flame that will not yield!
Nay! I shall drown it down within Her, the endless Deep,
though the ship sink with it!
"There they go,"
Aboard the Good Ship
Across the oceans
Toward the edge
Of the sea
With the setting sun
From here to there
In a strait betwixt two
A reluctant release
As we mourn...
The boat whistles
Parting the waters
Just beyond the horizon
From a wrinkle in time
And limited isles
To an everlasting dawn
A spacious place
And a welcome welcome,
"Here they come."
In Memory of Nanna Joe