Alone in a meadow in the pouring rain
I find the stone that causes all my pain,
As I stumble through the fog in disbelief
I fall down upon my knees and sob in grief
The fog horn cries her mournful sound
As my heart falls down, beneath the ground
Crying out to God for mercy all in vain
To take away the stone that bears your name
Author: Elaine George
The last gold leaf hangs on the bough;
Summer is just a mem'ry now.
You, too, have gone, my golden friend;
Our summer days came to an end.
We said goodbye; our chapter closed.
How I will miss you no one knows.
On eagle wings you split the skies;
Your spirit soared. You had to fly.
My earthbound soul will bear its grief
Severed from you on mortal reef;
But returning from yonder shore,
Your love in waves will wash me o'er.
You've gone before, my trusted love;
I wait behind, your mourning dove;
Yet, from across the great divide
Your voice to me in dreams confides.
No, I think not that dreams they are;
T is communion of the near with far.
On such sweet songs I stake my claim
To know and love you once again.
I remember the day I got the call.
My world fell apart.
I had lost it all.
I remember the day you were taken from me.
I knew your beautifull smile I would never again see.
They said it was a mugger and you put up a fight.
I should not have let you go out that night.
It seems like just yesterday we fed eachother our wedding cake.
When I remember that memory my hands start to shake.
I sit in my cabin on this mountain with the sky so blue.
I won't leave. This's where I spent my honeymoon with you.
My family wants me to go back into that world, so cold.
I'm not leaving this mountain.
It's where I'll grow old.
They say your gone and will never again be.
Well, I hear what your saying. Yes, I know your talking to me.
You sit in the chair and drink my tea.
My heart swells up when you smile at me.
They say I've gone insane and see things that aren't there.
If I'm on this mountain here why should they care?
I love you more then I did when we first found this place.
I remeber everything about you, your ellagince and grace.
Why am I not in that world full of anger and fear?
I want to be with you on this mountain here.
We talked at length
The hours we passed
The life you lived
Oh the horrors
So many men's live snuffed
Oh Arizona, a dedication
Whose souls be at rest
Amidst oily scum
And so many others
Sightless eyes watch
The world in disintegration.
Yes, you’ve seen
Many unimaginable horrors
Those only Man can inflict
You’ve grasped my heart
I watched you whither away
A hero by all accounts
God rest your soul
Oh gentle man.
God rest ye gentle man.
My heart aches
With your passing
Now I have your cherished one
She that you know
Rested in my heart
For years and years and years
The one that tended you
All that time
Oh yes, that woman of women
She is in my arms
Forever… my very first love
The thought of whose love
Brings tears to my eyes
Just so you know…
Semper Fidelis... you are my hero Donald Canan,USMC, WWII veteran Western
Pacific... he told death to get bent. May God Rest your soul.
I remember all the nights we use to play,
but now I can't play anymore because your not here today.
Your here in my heart and that will never fade away.
Sometimes I would be a hard-headed child,
but in your eyes you saw an angle smile.
I love you like God love the family, unconditionally.
I remember your brown eyes, gray hair, for you were wise.
I also remember when you had to leave, so your soul could be free.
See, I'm older; more mature, and understand what's going
on, but back then I was only four.
I still remember that day like it was yesterday.
Well, you were buried that day and everyone had a sad face.
I remember that day very well indeed, as I looked at you
and pleaded that you wouldn't leave me.
Now you’re gone and I have to be strong for both
of us, so our love can live through people who love us.
It hurt for me to let her go
But i have let her to know
We just can’t together grow
I love so much to say quit
I hate to see us away split
Our love now a close crypt
I can say it’s over so immediate
Because we were once intimate
Don’t want to break her heart for hate
How beautiful it can be:
see your grandfather still so deeply in love with your grandma after she's gone.
How beautiful it can be:
Hear their love story all over again,
About how they've met,
how they found trust,
How they fall in love,
How did they deal with all problems around them.
How beautiful it can be:
Hear how he tells us about how much he loves her,
how much he cared for her.
He said:"She's gone but her pure soul is still with me"
He said:i saw her....she's waiting for me...she's waving at me....She wants me there with her..."
the last thing he said was:
I can't live without her,
I HAVE TO GO!
I’m Physically and Emotionally tired
I don’t want to be the strong one anymore
I can’t this time
I don’t know what to do Daddy
I need your help down here
I can’t get back in control of my emotions
I’m having a hard time dealing with your absence
I’m having a hard time standing by myself
I need your help Daddy
I’m broken and lost without you Daddy
I need your will to want to carry on
I need your strength to over come this
I need your strength to stay standing
Your courage to fight back again
I need your help
Please Daddy I’m at a loss
How am I suppose to do this
I need your guidance
I need you to guide me back
To whom I was before
I need your help Daddy
I need your help
A memory of tears filled eyes
How can I forget this precious aisle?
The aisle you walk in your gown-shy
Now carries your silent and dire
How can I whisper to you love
How you looked as a dove
Ah! The memory is green and fresh
The night of our all white and thresh
Look at you o! Once beautiful aisle
You are my dread on you my light fade
Sermon given to my love as she goes to grave
The grace I ask to face this maze
Sometimes I wonder.........
Where will I be when I get old
Who will love me for my soul
Thoughts of loneliness cross my mind
Am I running out of time?
It’s so scary in this desolate place
Staring out a window into space
What have I done during my time here on earth?
Who will be waiting on me? Did I earn my worth?
Life passes by really fast
Always thought my time would last
Thinking of my people that have gone on before me
Do they know…...Is that where they’ll be?
Remembering the last smile I saw on his face
Will I have to run his same race
Will they leave me alone to think of my time of the past
Or will they surround me to celebrate and have a blast
Pictures and memories is all that’s left
Tear after tear while I take deep breaths
Stones and lettered monument will be there for me
The sunshine and the storms pass while I sleep
In this narrow place I will lie
Unable to speak, unable to cry
Thy will is done and now time moves on
Who is next? Who will be gone?
Sometimes I wonder……………
By Johnnie Eaves
O beloved mother, o beloved sisters
departed from me, within years
of each other, to sadden my living;
I spend my days weeping...
reminiscing in my sorrow:
how we laughed together,
and faced another serene tomorrow,
knowing that sharing kindness
would bond our destinies
in ways so devoted and immense!
O beloved mother, o beloved sisters...
I let the unconsumed joy of memories
take me to those yesterdays
to thank God for our existence,
when we enjoyed the gifts He offered;
yes, even the smallest of them
were so lovely and precious!
And by watching how you faced death,
I admired how you became the bravest...
slowly letting go of what you possessed!
O beloved mother, o beloved sisters...
do you want me to continue crying,
or smile and console you with a future promise:
that soon we'll embrace one another
under the joyful eyes of our Creator?
Nothing foolish I will do to harm myself;
and wait I will 'till my end comes,
but until then my solemn prayers I'll recite
amid tombstones guarded by triumphant angels...
and bound for Heaven, I'll be smiling!
How Blessed is she, to be with Thee
My only Prayer, she waits for me
With clouds in the sky, I sit and Cry
Why so young, did she have to die?
My Broken Heart has LOVE denied
I remember her kiss, A Heavenly Bliss
The love in her eyes, I intensely miss
I reminisce of Forever LOVE, so pure
Her Heart of gold, shall always endure
A Broken Heart, Her LOVE is the cure
Softly singing, are the Bagpipes and Fife
In Honor of my Dearest Most Beloved Wife
Living the joyful fulfillment of Eternal Life
FOREVER and ALWAYS I whisper my LOVE
Until We Entwine again , in HEAVEN Above
Inspired By Dr. Ram Mehta's Contest : " ELegy "
Dedicated in Memory of Lenore Ellen (Adams) Johnson
She used to wake me up in the middle of the night
"come out here and talk to me" ... I'd sigh and say "alright"
I'd sit beside her, on the couch, my legs tucked under me
she'd light her cigarette and then she'd start in with a story.
She'd tell me of her childhood, all the stories of her past
I'd listen, so enraptured, she tried to make them last
sometimes just an hour, sometimes till the sun came up
but I never tired of listening, I could never get enough.
Turn the pages Gramma, in your book of hopes and dreams
Take me with you Gramma, on your trip of memories
Turn the pages Gramma, I feel so close to you now
Turn the pages Gramma, take me back with you somehow.
Then came the day my sister called, said Gramma passed away
I held the phone up to my ear I didn't know what to say
I didn't want to believe her, I didn't want it to be true
I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't say I love you.
But for a chance to say those things, Gramma came to me that night
One last time she woke me up, hair black and gown so white
She stood there in my doorway and waved a last goodbye
Though I knew she was alright I couldn't help but cry
I knew I would always love her and I'd miss having her around
and I knew I'd miss her stories, I wish I'd have written them down
No more will I hear her laughter, no more will I see her tears
I'm glad she gave me my own stories to pass down through the years.
Up into the sky
like an Angel
at Soupland, watching him as he soared
like an Angel;
a strong love he had, sharing it till the end, yet
could not resist the resounding call
and he left,
Leaving us his poetry, for
when great storms come in, his laughter
will dry our tears like rain.
for Tom Bell, a great poet who taught us all--
to laugh and to smile…to learn… and to give.
I had a wonderful day, what could have went wrong
Went to sleep feeling like a brand new man
Laying in bed, sleeping so peacefully
Two guys walked in unexpectedly
They said wake up, no hesitation
Ten bullets in my back, no explanation
Was this a dream I’m gonna wake up from
No its not, I’m a completely dead man
Why me? Answer my question
I had a family and other love ones.
Now I’m gone, but memory lives on
How about you where do you stand?
Just one more time,
just one more breath,
just one more moment to remember the past,
lull in thy memories,
breathe in thy essence,
to look upon thy face,
to know you still care,
to know what we had was special,
to be preserved in preferred memories.
Where I am going I know naught.
Floating as if in limpid water currents,
languor reaching but finding not,
solitary enraged soul longing for one more kiss,
one kiss whence naught.
Malformed monsters feast
upon the vermin ravishing mine soul,
my tender heart loathing sunset’s rays enfold,
nighttime beseech me, broken heart unfold.
Another night shine through tears,
summoned by memories a hundredfold,
putrid time consumes life;
Cruel Life Sleeps.
Once again he climbs the hills above the salty bay
and walks along the path through fields where she used to play.
His silver hair and tattered clothes blowing in the wind,
that whispers the name of his sweet darling Carolynn.
He sits upon a rock and looks out to the water,
and once again she comes to him, his precious daughter;
through the ghostly floating mist, he sees her smiling eyes,
those eyes where forever more, his heart and soul reside.
She takes his hand and leads him to the fields of clover;
to that place on the cliff that the old tree grows over;
and he sees the rope tied 'round the bough of that old tree,
and feels the sunshine on his face, hears the humming bees.
His heart begins to pound, like a hammer in his chest,
as she runs with glee towards the overhanging crest;
he tries to stop her, but his feet stay froze to the ground;
he screams to no avail, being deaf she hears no sound.
She laughs and waves goodbye as she grabs the braided rope
and runs with all her might and swings out above the slope
and in that moment, he hears the snapping of the bough,
and he sees her dangling there, high above the brow.
He sees her startled eyes and he hears her helpless cries,
just before she falls on to the rocks below and dies.
He falls to his knees screaming and crawls out to the edge,
and when he looks below, he knows that he too is dead.
And they find him forty years from that fateful day,
Hanging from the old oak tree, where she used to play.
Your cold lips,
Your frozen Figure...a sad emotion you expelled.
I touch your shape, trembling at the source.
Modeling away to my cheeks.
At sunrise we slept,
At midnight we loved.
The stars and the clouds draw us layouts of dreams,
our elixir of love.
Hands slept in our grave, a singing hymn.
We drank each other's memories.
We danced until the moon was put to sleep.
Covered ourselves with petals of Rose,
Bare to the despair, the sun presented.
Decaying, and never growing old.
We fulfill these lavender caresses everyday.
Immortals, will will always love.
We will always be together...
Lovers in time.
Vampires in a dream,
A reality to me coming true.
Every Everyday I feel the same old mistakes brushing up my leg and heading
striaght for my heart. Trying make me sting... stupid memories, I can't shake them away
and they just make me feel everyday regrets. I knew you were leaving, I could feel it
inside. Yet it seemed like life just kept moving on... it never let me stop for a minute
to see how you were doing and I blame myself for not saying good bye. Sometimes I cry
when I think about you... sometimes I wonder why I didn't just go see you. One more
mistake and my heart keeps on aching. I'm not ready for this but even so it kills me.
Everyday regrets about the times i'll never forget and the things I never got to say. I
know your looking down on me trying to console me but in my mind everything went wrong
and I wasn't even there... you just passed right along and I couldn't even hold your
hand. I wanted to be there... I had grown up a lot since this ever ending roller coaster
ride and just as I was getting off the dizziness still hadn't worn off. You were taking
away in the middle of the night... I wasn't even there and that makes me sad. I didn't
hear you voice... I didn't show any remorse and it hurts me deep inside that I will never
see your heart beat again or see you talk to me like you used to do. Everyday Regrets and
I keep on blaming myself in a story that just won't ever end and will continue until I
see your face again. I won't forget, I will remember... I disappointed you and that's all
I can say for now goodbye is hardly the words I ever wanted to say. But now your gone and
i'm living with everyday regrets.
If I could wipe away the stars
I’d paint them in a row
And count them one by one
Then maybe I could live forever
But that would be a grand endeavour.
If I could wash the ocean floor
I would tie my hair up with seaweed
And I would ask the crab to dance
And his steps would be so fine
But that would be too divine.
If I could ask the skies to hear me
They’d guide me where to go
They’d show me the directions
In the clouds above the road.
If I could sing a song without words
I’d find you there in the shadows
Where the silence lives between octaves
And I would always sing on key
But that would be an impossibility.
If I could create time in an instant
I’d stop the clock when you called me
And the plane wouldn’t have to fly
It would sit and wait to be saved
But instead I cry at your grave.
My longest night will come.
A never ending stream of thought,
which starts and ends with you.
I counted the days that passed
hoping to mend the broken pieces
only to realize,
that there's a place we just
Nights were mere reflections
Of a man I used to be.
And this candle will die and still this restless
Soul reaches for someone very close
Yet very far from the river towards his heart.
I carry a heavy burden.
An undying flame which still burns
A kind of pain that'll never heal.
A kind of dream that just won't go away.
I gave you a part of me that never sleeps.
A soul tired of thinking.
The sun will ease the pain.
But every hour, I get closer to the familiar
sense of loss.
And my longest night will come.
Which starts and ends with you.
This fast life of mine is dying
All you see is my lifeless body lying
Scarcely heaving my last breath
I knew it was coming, soon my own death
I had one last chance to say my peace
So that my loneliness would cease
I got to say on my last breath
Don't fear my love I have finished my quest
It was for undying love
One day you will fly with me as a white dove
A dove stands for eternity and that's what it shall be
For the next time we meet we will see each other clearly
Goodbye for now don't shed a tear
For one day soon I will be near
Everyday, I still feel the sorrow
While hoping for a brighter tomorrow
Feeling the loss of you
It doesn't go away in the morning dew
Hoping that a rainy day
Might wash this pain away
In the light of a sunny day
I kneel down and I pray
Oh Lord, give me the strength to make it through
For the loss of a love I once knew
He's crossed over to the other side
This I say with great pride
For there he waits
Til the day I pass through those pearly gates
When my eyes close for the last time
I hope to have touched so many in my
Life time on my journey of life
Those I meet and left behind
With my smile and loving heart
That never discriminated
And hated in justice felt from the heart
When love it was from deep with in
Protected with faith those loved
And held closes to my heart
Never hated but forgave those who
Try to keep me down and kill my faith
To those who shed a tear for me
I hope to wipe dry with my love not gone
For my loving heart lives on with in each
And every one who knew me as big as my height
I will be with you in heart and spirit
For you will keep alive every time you think of me
Remember the good memories
Relive them when you feel sad that I am gone
For I will be in a better place at rest
Waiting to reunite with each and every one
Much love always
You had the spirit of a stallion.
You could not be tamed until you were ready
and no matter how life may have tried you could not be broken.
You brought a piece of something that many did not possess to every life,
and when you opened your mouth unearthly words of wisdom were spoken.
You were strong and beautiful and had the deepest blue eyes I've ever seen.
The love that you held in your heart was like something out of dream,
It was love and confidence and support and stability you made me feel.
God blessed me by letting me be a part of you.
I am so happy that our lives crossed paths and you helped see me through.
Now you are in His memory, waiting to be raised.
When you live again, your mind will be clear.
The fog will be lifted.
There will be no haze.
You will run about and never die.
You will feel no pain or fear, never cry.
Your days will be filled with love, strong and true.
Your last words to me were I love you.
Here I wait, just trying to get through.
I will see you again, Grandma.
Into my arms, I will welcome you.
The time moves so slowly now that we are apart,
each minute passes with a beat of my heart.
I long for the time that we spent together and wish those moments could last forever.
How I miss you and long for your touch,
your tender words and thoughtfulness that I loved so much.
As the sun sets and another day is done,
I know someday we will be as one.
So my love know this to be true,
only God knows how much I miss you.
Elegy to Child Lost
Passion's love oft tempts despair
Casts a prideful cosmic dare--
Like Prizing Joy's most intimate caress
Babe snug beneath a mother's breast
Senses at this time are keen
There's no secret kept between
Loving mother, wriggling babe--
Wanted , dreamed of, much delayed
But entwined twin was also loved--
Some say Nature's method proves
That one twin may give all to mate---
But this fatal sacrifice must decimate.
Only mother's eyes would feel babe's smiles--
or sense those legs that wandered miles
And daring feet that danced in tunes while
Arms swam in gentle Celtic croons.
When babe vanished--not a sound.
Mother 's grief was not allowed.
Tempted so to trail behind
Escaping shattered troubled mind.
Squelching sorrow's hungry arms
She Tried erase babe's fluttering charms
Never spoke of-- never mourned.
By her husband she was warned
Was best forget a child so early lost--
Funerals, gravestones--such a cost--
But the years have called babe near,
Mother's journal writ in tears:
'Please forgive my selfish heart.
Repressed from all --this tragic part
I felt your sacrificial act--
You left your cherished twin intact'.
There is no law of random acts
Doctors examine data facts
It may be --that in the womb
When both spring flowers cannot bloom
One bold twin refrains to eat
Compels the other to complete
Hardy growth that life requires---
Sparks survival's crucial hours.
Not an accident 'tis sure--
Boldest spirits blossom pure.
Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
Father is the best ever
He cares for me ever,
he provides for me, he cares
For me he always meets my needs
Ooh my heart is so wet
wet from the scourge that fills my heart
Looking at your grave
I know God is looking after you
In heaven Ooh father,
Your son calls after you
rest in blissfull bliss daddy
Thoughts of you never trully died!
When I first saw you with your eyes of blue,
I stumbled, I stuttered, I did not know what to do.
When you held my hand my heart would melt,
you always knew how I felt.
Holding you tight those many years,
sometimes I can't hold back the tears.
How happy we were in this life,
now my days are full of strife.
For we were soul mates my dear,
and one day again I will hold you near.
The song starts to play and I start to cry
How can so much hurt come from a song like that?
Once upon a time it used to bring me happiness and laughs
Now all it brings me is sorrow
You were my world and the song was ours
Now you're gone leaving me with nothing but a broken heart
It isn't easy to forget about everything
That song meant so much to me and now it's all been taken away
I had a dream that the song was going to bring us together again
But now, I don't want to listen to the song anymore
The song is a constant reminder of our tragedy and it will always hurt
I've tried to forget but nothing seems to work
I'll listen to that song a million times more
Until the day we are reunited, together forever
i always said "i don't wanna die without knowing about love",
but now i know,
love is killing me!
now im asking my self"Do you believe in life after love?"
My heart is broken beyond repair as another sad song fills the air.
My world crumbles beneath my feet and I cry myself to sleep.
I hope to find love again to help this broken heart mend.
And I pray with all my might that I will find peace tonight.
Just a touch…nothing more
When your fingers
Brushed against mine
Or was it mine…that touched yours
And did it linger
For a bit of time
Whoever…whatever…it opened the door
That touch of fingers
That touched my mind
And our fate was sealed
Kismet was set
In that fateful bit of time
To me a caress…no more or less
That at that time
Seemed so sublime
Just a touch…that now I miss so much
When your fingers
Brushed against mine
My heart egos and my life drained from me
Simple life I live, I act as I know all
But I know not, no, not even a little
I earnestly seek for recognitions
But my life and my heart is a hole.
An empty vessel, soulless, loveless
I have been succumb by the pain of heart aches
I have become a broken man,
Know not what my future holds
I envy those who went before me, who were acknowledge
I hold on to the little shred of hope in me,
I am being drowned by my own sorrows.
Love, hate, a new beginning and ending of my old self never seems to happen
My wrath against my enemies is nothing for they humor me with insults.
Let not death come to me in misery and despair,
For life is full of joy and full of sorrows.
Love me, as who would love a stranger from nowhere.
Let my sorrows be taken away by the love of many
But at last, no one would.
Don’t cry for me, for no one knows me
They came before my grave and said “who is this man?”
“Why is the name not written?”
It is not written because I am nothing
Don’t shed a tear for the stranger such as me.
Life is like a dream on a calm sea,
As the captain gracefully steer and gently moves its rudder.
The passenger puts their lives in his hands,
A calm sea is the heaven of any sailor.
“So, where is my captain?”
The wind blows every so gently,
But my heart sinks gently into the sea;
Who will mourn for the stranger?
Drowned from my grief,
My faith begins to waver like a ship tossed around by the winnowing wind
My heaven, my calm sea turns against me as I sail the Galilean sea
“Where are thy words that calm the raging storm?”
Ay! I have no peace even in my passing.
I have not thy words of command,
For my faith has been tossed away by the hating winds,
Shallow, empty, and broken I lay here in an unnamed grave.
Only thy mercy will guide me to the third heaven!
Let my sorrows be washed away by the blood of the innocent lamp.
Let thy words be the honey drops for mine,
As this world knows only lies
Blinded by greed and lust,
They seek only to destroy of what they fear.
And my sorrows are tossed away by thy promises.
For thy compassion for lost sheep is great.
"Have I found peace?"
I have, for I know my heart is at rest when my body has aged
And my salvation has come
When I died with thy Words of truth
All in one faded-black day
(but let None forget)
In my arms, her body lay
(my life was the price to pay)
A tragedy, through the lack of humanly shame
(do they know pain)
My darkly colleen has to suffer no more
(Robert nor do you)
Let me die
(please hear my haunted cries)
If I can not see Sophie tonight
(live on with my grey)
I'm just a mess of despairing words
And broken nerves
Another mourning, afflicted sight
(through decay, love can remain)
Solace, sympathy are just more lies
She is all I need
Until you decide she is just another sadist's toy
My Angel, why did you have to fly so far away
My Angel, just let one feather stay
My Angel has flown away
My Angel, why did you have to fly so far away
My Angel, just let one feather stay
My Angel has flown away
(My body is amortal, die I may,
Together, our hearts will forever stay)
You held me for a moment
For just a moment it would seem
It seems like forever ago
Although I could never remember
Remember those warm-filled months
Between March and November
November was the end
The end and a new beginning
Beginning of a new season
A season such as Spring
As Spring would bring new life into the world
A world with unreasonable sin
A sin as lifeless as Autumn
(Autumn to some called Fall)
Fall, when he would fall
A fallen angel,
An angel gained
Or gaining a loss?
The loss of a day,
The loss of a life
A life that would end as the day turns to night
The night always dark
The dark calls for closed eyes
Eyes that await the promise of a sunrise
And so the sun would rise
But some still remain asleep
A deep sleep they will not wake
Wake me up from this dream
Dreams of an untold story
A story was cut short
Shortness of a heartbeat
A heart with no beat
Better count your blessings
Blessed life-long lessons
Not to lessen the longing
But I still belong to him
He smiles upon me all day all night
The night, I am used to days without light
A light grip, a solid hold
Hold me so that I don't fear no end
End this yearning, hold me for a moment again
Keep me warm on this long cold night,
I feel my road ends tonight.
Somewhere in the distance I hear a bell toll,
he comes now for my soul.
My life has been full of fear and hate,
I wonder why this was my fate.
Only one regret that I can say,
I will have to leave my love this day.
You have given me joy and happiness too,
my heart is full because of you.
Once again I hear the bell toll,
good bye my love, my heart , my soul.
Vigorously crying, feeling like I'm dying in the midst of mourning under the rain fall and tall mighty trees.
All I can hear is a shout of, "Why God, why did you take him away from me."
The hurt and the loss of it all will always be with me.
Flashes of moments, all in memories.
The life we had together is now history.
As they put the coffin into the ground while I stand on graveyard land.
It really became clear to me.
My lover and friend was a guardian angel sent to me.
Swiftly walking to leave this cemetery place with friends and family.
In God I trust my memories will never be erased, emptily.
A gentle breeze
A luscious glade
Cold under your feet
A rich blue sky
Beautifully arousing aromas
Tasting without touch
Pleasingly soft sand
To bathe yourself in
A sensuous bed of leaves
To wrap yourself in
A pleasurably warm ocean
Stimulating your senses
Depriving your concentration
You lose yourself
In natures tempting ways
Seducing you to stay
The air is full of mourning although the years have past,
My tears still flow like waves upon a rolling vast ocean;
I asked God to take my treasure in his trust for all time,
My sweet cat now slumbers in the silent dust.
Heavenly angels watch his still soft eternal repose,
I go there often and just sit, remember him and weep;
A moss draped stone upon the emerald green grass,
The only symbol of his existence on this earth.
He came to me a stray lost, starving and alone in the world,
Filled with utter fear and total distrust for all of mankind;
Ever so slowly a loving relationship and an eternal bond,
Death is the end of life but the love lives on.
I watched his slow breathing all that long, long night,
And when the sun rose high, he passed through the gate;
In Paradise, I imagine him waiting so quietly for me,
One day, I will hold him again to my heart.
November 1, 2013
Written by, Broken Wings
For the contest, Eternal Breath, Gail Angel Doyle
Featured poem June 29, 2014
As tears flow from my reddened eyes
I can see what I have purely missed
As I look up to the dark grey skies
I will always remember our first fist
I sit here and think of your face
The first time I saw your light fluffy cheeks
I always wanted to lay my head on that place
Even when I was buried in my girlfriend’s twin peaks.
You never knew my love for you
I waited until it was too late
I often yearned for a way through
Both your heart and your front gate.
But now you’ve passed away
Slipped through my limp and lifeless fingers
But I still yearn for that fortuitous day
And the smell of your tobacco colour coat still lingers.
As I stare at my homage dedicated to you
I can feel a heart shaped hole called ‘Noah’
My body is conflicted, I don’t know what to do
It’s such a shame that you were found in pieces underneath a lawnmower.
So many holes, and opportunities now
I feel my body grow harder
For you Noah would only allow
One hole to be ventured in farther
As you led there erotically
on the grass that day
with your legs so lovely
I couldn’t take my eyes away
So I didn’t see
The lawnmower draw near
The blades running free
And beginning to career
Ever closer to your toes
To impoverish your heart
I’m the only one who knows
How a love like this does start
To think I won’t see you again
Striding majestically down the Bath Road
And, protecting your shoulders from the rain
Your little tobacco coloured coat
I wish I had been able to say
All this to you when you were alive
I came so close once, that fateful day
When we were standing outside the Beehive
Your hair was golden in the glow
Of the solitary standing streetlamp
Yet still, you couldn’t ever know
My feeling for you or my heart would cramp
And now you’re dead you selfish thing
You’ll never hear me speak these thoughts
You’ll never feel me ‘flap my wings’
Or ogle me as I cavort
But now you’re in the ground
In the darkness and despair
But I have now created a mound
Where I can collect your hair
My heart is soaked in liquid salt
My clothes cling to my body
Although I know that it’s no-one fault
Staring at you was my favourite hobby
Now it’s time to say goodbye
My lovely little pet
My heart still yearns, my eyes still cry
Although we never met
silence when i open the door
silence when i close it again
no one to make a noisy fuss
no one to welcome me in
no one barks at the mailman
no one brings the little ball
no one chomps the squeaky toy
but love still comes to memories call
... Ideal's the emptiness of stone temples;
Invited souls - two dancers times enfold;
Invoked's the past, redrawn in vain circles
the years sustain recalls of feelings' mold.
Recited scripts - the weather's voice is cold,
Extols them to an absent audience,
The shrines remember them on timeless role,
Adventive cadence, adventive cadence.
Consorted with the broken glass, they bleed
their lives ascended into rains of red
their thoughts became obstacles to impede
somehow the birds forgot to sing and fled.
The runnel ghosts of emptiness out-traced
existences' odd trails and righteous died
where acquaintances devoid embraced
- their solitude; and in the woods winds cried.
Air fingers feel their face, feverish strings;
and dithered silence shines on splendid glow,
lone glances coil on tungsten burning rings,
abstinent sorrow abstinent sorrow.
© 02-24-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved
(Surreal - Elegy)
How I long to see the sun and its morning light,
to warm my face from these long cold nights.
And hold you close and near,
to chase away all my fears.
But this my love I cannot do,
for my spirit walks along with you.
My ship hit the reef and sunk in the night,
my last thoughts were of holding you tight.
Until that day when we are united as one,
I will wait my love by the setting sun.
The Romantic Legend
The lord of the manor near the coast of Algarve,
Behind the manor a forested valley where
Packs of frightful wolves roamed.
A day when his youngest daughter who was a bit
Odd-as she took no interest in suitors- went to
The glade to pick flowers, she met a he wolf.
Not afraid she petted the good animal and his
Eyes she discovered love that asked for nothing
And had nothing to give but love itself.
The daughter when doing needle work had stung
Herself and there was a drop of blood on her
Index finger, which the wolf lovingly licked away.
A miracle happen the girl turned into a sleek,
Wonderful she wolf with silky black and tan fur.
Their union was complete and love rewarded.
The pair found a cave in the deepest forest
Where they lived happily for many years until
The he wolf was killed by a bigger animal.
The spell was broken and she was now an old
woman, alone and scared, where love´s light
had shone there was fearful darkness.
There was a knock on the manor´s oak door,
An elderly woman claimed she was the daughter
Of the house but, she was not believed.
It was a rainy night and when the door opened
Next morning the servants found a young girl
With glade flowers in her folded dead hands.
What sorrow, what grief, but she wore a smile
“Vale de lobo” the forest doesn´t exist anymore
And a paradise of love is lost to a legend.
PS “Lobo” wolf.
You will want to come back one day
Like the crashing of a waterfall
Hard yet soft at the same time
With variations in light
Swirling, reflecting off the water
You will want to come back one day
Like a butterfly on a journey
Flying high, steadfast
Silhouetted by sunlight at dusk
You will want to come back one day
Like a trees search for light
Extending it's branches directionally
Frantic to find the missing sun
You came back one day
Patina beautiful, aged gracefully
Like the floors in our home
Beautifully antiqued like our lives
The Earth is really in Danger
I know with our limitations,
we cannot reach there to wipe tears from the eyes of all those,
who have lost everything in this great tragedy of Japan.
Still I hope that few of these words would wipe their tears or
may give some consolation to those, who are affected
by the Tsunami of Japan. Sympathy creates more healing touch
than the concrete helps every country should offer for the people of Japan.
As such a tragedy may take place anywhere in the world...Ravindra
In support of the people of Japan
Often the disaster comes, without knocking the door and
Takes away the most precious from the Earth.
We claim we are going to land on Jupiter,
We claim we would live on the surface of new Stars,
We claim to make a flawless colony on Moon
Where the inhabitants of this Earth would live in splendors.
But, we have failed to live even nicely on Earth,
We do not even care much for those, who are facing the disaster,
For those who have lost their love ones on Earth,
For those who need our sympathy, care and love.
Today they are helpless before the grave calamity of disaster and
Need badly their brothers and sisters to wipe their tears.
The Tsunami of Japan has wiped out,
Not only the buildings, trains and cars but
The Homes and love ones in several thousand of numbers, so far.
It has left marks so deep and disastrous,
Years would be required to replenish the loss
O’ God, please wipe the tears from those eyes,
Who have lost, all their family members and hopes on earth and
Are waiting in vain for their dear ones to come again.
Kanpur India 13th March 2011
Elegy To Love
Shy glances from o’er ones shoulder
Longer looks that become bolder
Grade school crushes, Painful blushes
Turn to longing… as one grows older
Strangers still (but not for long)…
Hanging out on mid-summer night
A game of tag, A touch so slight
A mad dash away, but not too fast
Mutual wishes… for the night to last
Total strangers? (Not anymore!)
Late Moonlit night,
Bedecked in magic mist
shared pilfered cigarette
First shared stolen kiss
Strangers no more (But not lovers yet)
Drive-in movies, cuddlin’? Yup!
Watchin’ each other, not the screen
Makin’ moves, feelin’ grown up
Only get one time to be a teen
Strange to be apart (bereft when we are)
Quick drive out of state
Taking vows before a justice of the peace
Quick decision, (cause she’s late)
Doin’ the right thing. That’s what they think at least
Strange to be an adult. (much less a parent to be)
Entry level job, minimum wage
Diapers and tantrums, daydreams and debt
Ofttimes seem not to be on the same page
Still feelin’ the glow…and yet
Strange to be middle-aged
Kids are of an age
Where their constant condition
Seems to be only of rage
In their time of transition
Stranger still (the going downhill)
Kids gone now
Less affection showing
Strange changes (in trust and in faith)
Going separate ways
More often it seems
No longer sharing
Stranger still, that coldness creeps in
That the love and the trust…
wither slowly away
Weather into dust as gently
As night… turns into day
Stranger by far
From strangers to lovers
Is the life circle we close
From lovers ‘neath covers
to “what God only knows?”
Is the course of one’s life
The path on which we wend
The curious way that husband and wife
Change and become
You flourished and blurred
like a spark on wind
Gracefully and quickly like a frightened hind
in pursuit of light
You harvested through bushy meadows
taken by blight
In struggle with plight
had you lost your might
And gave out
although never you gave up.
Where are you?
For you must be still there.
For I still can feel you
somewhere in the air.
Who would believe your slim elegant body would win my affection,
when you gracelessly step on toes? Your soft doe skin of cream
spotted brown, floppy ears I threaten to turn into gloves as a joke.
Through many chain jangle calls for walks where you race and lunge
and bark fighting for the right to be with me, how could I turn you away?
When you almost die I am ready to give you away to death, hating the sick
green puke, you become skinnier despite the surgery until finally
one simple shot brings you back to us alive, slurping our hands and faces.
Busy days of science and humanities and government tucked up in a chair,
I forgot you, but you begged let me even eat your apple. let me sit in your lap
but you’re so big now you don’t fit and don't like apple. Chocolate chips cookies, though, a whole batch scarfed from the table and then you wiggle and wag tail,
snarl, your teeth clenched when I offer just one more. We all know who is guilty,
not you, your innocence, your steadfast defense, says it is our family who has forgot.
Finally, it is too late. You hurt too bad, spine enflamed, barely able to walk
or eat. Tomorrow your last day. I pick up the chain, you race happy to join me
down the row of maples losing their last autumn leaves, where my brother and I lead you plodding like an old man, stopping to breathe, and I see stars in my eyes,
saying goodbye. Goodbye to the lady of our family, the Dalmatian Duchess
who loved us best, walked beside us through our childhood days like a guardian.
written 23rd Oct 1997
So long I needed to visit
but my heart didn't listen
Letting you know how much "I love you so"
is now something, you will never ever know
Now that you are gone
I know I waited to long
If I could just have that one more chance
I would never treat it as just another glance
Now, you have become my biggest memory
for you have gone, to a place I can not see
Knowing that we will never again touch
makes me miss you, so very much
My children are still to young
to wonder why pop hasn't rung
My heart is now empty
for you, it always had plenty
I really do need to have you back
you were the "only one, who saw me back
I know deep down inside
you love me, more than words could describe
For it is only now, that I realise why you didn't want me around
you knew how "painful it would have been, to watch you drown
But, as long as I am still alive
you too, will continue to survive
For I will always be your darling little Denise
who hopes, you forever rest in peace
ALLAN THOMAS HOLMES
1st June 1954- 22nd Oct 1997
the rain becomes autumn
and autumn becomes rain
there is a Gold Surviving System
(GSS) around the brain
with unexpected creatures
who lift the modern burden
of being so involved
in glass rotating hours
curriculum vitae sleep
and we call this LOVE
and we fall in a drop
among yellow leaves.
Softly the rain falls upon my face your memory I can't erase.
Alone I stand now silently remembering how it use to be.
How I would caress your face and dream about a far off place.
Where we would sit beneath the sun making love until the day was done.
But one dark day you were taken from me now all I have are these memories.
Softly the rain falls upon my face....
Cold bleak winter rain has fallen
On your velvet hair and skin;
Once a masterpiece in color,
Now washed clean and white again.
Visions paint a flower of beauty
From your love grown through the years;
Now within my storm of silence,
Petals shake from all my tears.
Through the pain I see the rainbow
Where you’ve found the pot of gold;
From your non-regretful outlook,
And your selfless servant mold.
Still from lost dreams shared together,
That I’ve hoped for like a child;
I must give them back to heaven,
Since my “what ifs” have run wild.
Now I stand beside the marker,
Looking at your granite stone;
Knowing well your soul was lifted
Straight to God at heaven’s throne.
As I see your name is etched there
With your birth date in the sun;
It seems wrong to carve your ending,
Since your true life’s just begun.
FATHER TO SON...
(APROPOS A QUADRIPLEGIC SON WHO LIVED AND DIED BEAUTIFULLY)
In the stillness of your own
you taught us
the circadian rhythms of life
and its meandering flow
cascading life's tempestuous realities
year to year gracefully
wrapping pain into neat little packages
to be opened in the still of night
where you lay motionless
while spiritual healing moved
from one solution to another
as your soul communed with God.
How cleverly He disguised you:
a bud in waiting.
When blooming synchronized itself
with your unfolding
you became a radiant sunshine of joy:
then you gracefully slipped away.
a gentle breeze blew baptismal bliss
over my every being
and i felt your sweet soul soaring
in the winds of time
and heard your redemption song
of peace and unity with Jah.
The sorrows that assail my heart
Heralding the free flow of forlorn tears
Tears unaccompanied by the usual cries
Tears of a heavy heart
That's what they are,
Tears borne out of heart over - weighed by sorrows
That's what they are,
Tears of uncontrollable emotions.
The sorrows of my heart sired by my loss of you
Strenghtened by constant thoughts of you
Thoughts that upholds the uniqueness of the times we shared
Accentuating the joys together we knew
The happiness together as one we found
Our glorious moments
Moments I always relive in my dreams.
My loss of you
From my mind
Diffuses to my heart
It condensed into particles of sorrow
Particle that soon sediment
Forming an invincible heavy bulk
Making heavy my heart.
From my mind
The mist of my loss rises to my eyes
Like the ocean waters
Condensing and liquidating in my eyes
Bathing my eyelids
Trickling down my cheeks
Rushing down my cheeks in torrential cascades.
My heart has fell into my stomach
Killing all butterflies fluttering in my stomach
That day you bade me goodbye
That day that in my arms
You painfully though smilingly muttered to me goodbye
That painful loss of you
That bored a nonrefillable hole in my heart
Was what heralded the sorrows of my heart.
REQUIEM FOR LOVE
Let the flood of my tears drown this day
And soar my spirit to the base of tartarus…!
O Cupid…come Pothos and Himeros
Where are thy powers to hold still?
Are thou wearied by human caprices,
Of whose hands fate lies then?
Elusive Aphrodite, of all thy allures
Thou perish in fantasies of beauty.
O fair rose, my heart is pierced,
Beneath thy bed is frame of thorns.
Gather ye four winds in monotonous drone
And let thee pines chime a dirge
O love...love…love…my love…my joy…
Is now lain a wreath upon my heart!
Years of love intrigues, of dreams, sacrifice,
Pain, trust, consolation and determination…
Is sold out a day to another who knows not,
For a piece of coin and a parcel of fancy.
Lento… lento the knell for a broken heart…
Love is clothed a shadow, beauty a mask!
Cry… for what is broken so shall remain
Never to be wiped, never to be patched!
In the summer of 2007, God received an angel.
The Angels name was Katie.
Katie was sweet & Katie was good
But I guess God wanted sweet old Katie
Out of the hood.
She did all she could, she gave all she had
But never in her life treated anyone bad.
Jesus, I know that she’s good
I know that she is great
But sometimes I just hate,
Hate that she is gone
Hate that she is away
I think about her everyday.
Everyone & Everything is changing
Family is falling apart,
Oh why it’s breaking my heart.
Tearing the house down acting like pure clowns
God you got a gift
But sometimes I wish,
Wish you hadn’t took my Angel
Wish you would have let her stay a little longer.
God received an Angel.
The Angels name was Katie
I hope Katie is with me daily
Until I die & visit her in the sky
House is up wholesale, everyone thinking
“WHAT THE HELL”
Angels, Angels, Angels
Angels flying here, Angels flying there
Angels are flying around just about any & everywhere
You took a couple of my families angels in strange ways
I get up in the morning wondering when is my day
& who will be next to depart us.
My heart was broken when you took my Angel
Oh, why did you have to take her,
Her out of all people
She followed the rules and the laws
But I am wondering is that all.
Life killed the dream that she dared to dream.
Life gave her change,
And Change killed our poor Fantine.
Between Life and Death was the only choice,
She prayed that death would strike her by surprise.
If not for her prize,
The fruit of her womb.
Whilst working till she gasped her last breath,
It seemed she lamented her life away.
What had she left after such mistreatment?
And if trust were left in the farthest corner of her soul,
It was to be in man?
Man who drove her to insanity.
Or A Man, a Man with enough pity?
If not for mistakes, we could live our dreams,
Watch them morph into realities,
And into little perfect stories,
With flowers, sunshine and happy endings…
But in the midst of wars,
Spiritually, emotionally and amongst humanity,
The brothers are weak,
Whilst the enemy gains strength…
Hope appears to be dead?
The truth is,
What kept my Lady,
Kept her going for as long as she did,
Was the strength from one greater,
The One that knew her hearts desires,
The One who heard her deepest fears,
The One who daily dried her tears,
The One who took her home to rest.
Just last night I had a dream you were there I held you tight.
I smiled at you with such delight like watching the sunset into the night.
You whispered sweetly into my ear " How I love you my dear".
As I held you close that night you then disappeared from my sight.
Then it all came back to me the sadness of reality.
For I will hold you close no more my heart broken upon the floor.
As I sit here in this place the tears will run down my face.
I had a dream just last night......
Let me sing this song
Dozens words in my yearning rhythm
Delivered within the wind of autumn
A single pray, only for you
In this moment of silence
Bearing clearly in my mind
The love we have given one another
In our years of sharing
You embraced me with endless love
A love that cannot be compared
And it lights my sky forever
Made me a woman I am
We are destined to have each other
Since my first breath, until your last
So I sing this song for you,
Across the green meadows over the deep blue sea,
I will wait for my bonnie lass to come back to me.
She promised me that she would return with the summer rain,
She's been gone for so long my life is not the same.
When the moon is full a lonely piper will play,
the sad music moves through the air until the break of day.
In my heart I know she will not come back to me,
because my bonnie lass was taken by the sea.
You stay with one person for a lifetime.
Then the day comes when there is no more you and me.
There is only you, alone in a house that the two of you built together, a
family, everything that you wanted together.
You are alone in the morning, evening and the nights that go on forever.
No one to hold, talk to, or to love; it is no more.
There are no words to help.
Life together is good or bad at times.
But being together seemed hard.
And being alone is even harder.
My heart is broken in this night,
her words have again stolen my light.
What she said made my dreams fall apart,
leaving nothing but a hole for a heart.
For it was not my name that fell from her lips,
and through my soul that name now rips.
This pain is more than I can take,
I lay on my bed and weep and shake.
Without her by my side i will not survive,
I can no longer find a reason to be alive.
Hunched and hollowed;
Concealed, sitting in this musty closet.
Clutching memories to my chest and
Spreading out the others across this
Dusty darkened floor.
So dim, like these remembrances...
Straining to see through tears and years.
Some deeper wounds don’t fade with time,
Like yours, sweet long gone child of mine.
Advised against this self infliction,
I cannot stay away from my secret addiction.
Infused with your smells and special things,
I force myself to keep you here with me.
Inside my heart and this compartment.
Watching you grow in my imagination: older, taller.
Exquisite bittersweet daydreams
Of you still here and needing me.
So, gently back into the box my treasure;
Rest for now…time is not measured.
Soon I’ll return and once again
Hold your glossy framed grin
Against my broken heart.
“holy candle blues”
in the rust red sunset - angel brother bends his blown glass ear over the wall of eternity listening in on my sweet restless rathouse jam
she entered peeling story-caked walls riding a lightning broom swept me
out to half dippermoon bridge
we swung downtown where
waltzing heirs warmed six-figure derrieres above smorgasbord fires
I faked all the right questions into hell’s Paradise
panting at the emerald city orgasm waiting beneath her olive skin gypsy thin cocktail feast
ignoring the runaway beast
and someone beamed—they make a great couple
as we sweat to god’s blistering last-chance desperate romance bugle call
my ragged sailor heart pirouetting out the hornpipe door over muddy cliffs
on the way down a devil in white linen gown serving dark red obsession wine flaming flambé soft brown coconut limbs
the fly doing backflips in a honey pot
over the lava baked sea
a million miles away
the moaning rusted ship creaked like a red infection begging to be freed from the last ripples in a skin game port
You knew all along prophet of the beautiful tracks
That my ramble played in a forest of doom
I surrender dear monk in the sad samba night
that wind pushed me mountains away
flushed me out of hiding in the prehistoric pubescent
at the piano bar you played me like a thundering chord…till a
midnight candle grabbed the shades
and a fire came roaring down in flames
we crawled like god’s sweet snails to the clear-as-a bell day
glaring up to the dark blue smoke where a cherry red sunset angel rained wild woolen ashes down on love’s last twitch…applauding the singed curtain call
live! live! ... he cried from his bongo perch on heaven street
hot orange coals fading in the chilled breeze
words we’ll never speak again you and I
Unless fate has too much time to deal strange train cards
this harp strung midnight reverie
sad violins hijack innocent dreams and twist the arm of violet coated wishes
In my hidden dark room
holy candle blues…
whispers of sea wind blowing
Through the Pit's mouth she saw it-
Inert body prostate, lightly lit
the pale face staring up, hollow eyes
the cold waters, the mud, the mice.
Through the pit's mouth, she gaped down
into the very face of death's count-
Her heart thereforth listed afar,
in the soul of the quite traveller.
O Benson Drew! O Miss Drew!
If only she knew-
There pours the tears and anguish
Here escapes insanity and gibberish.
Watch her! watch her! Watch...
Reach out! Catch her! Catch...
But Alas, she drops ten feet below
For the arms of the fallen Moor.
At the darkest time
On the darkest day,
You took my hand,
You took me to play.
I thought it strange,
I thought it wise
That there in the wood
The secret lies.
But then I saw it
The flicker of light,
The sound of birds
As they took to their flight.
The ray of sunshine
Filled your eyes,
Around us filled
With silent lies.
My smile was met
From cheek to cheek,
Your hand around mine
As your eyes grew weak.
I see your face
Amongst the light,
The day that soon
Transformed to night.
I’m alone now
And alone I’ll stay
Till the moon flips over
And the sky turns grey.
But the hand that took,
Took me to play,
Is there by my heart
And there it will stay.
In the corner a young couple smiles
Lights release shadows above cold nights
Outside the autumn taunts the summer memories
Leaves of the old tree knock on the conscience
A girl paints departure in a mirror
A tear goes away in the yellow paper
Though you have gone
My hearts ache for you as if you were here
But you never will be with me again
A widow, though we never married
What I would give
to see you one last time
I wait for you in heaven
Please meet me by the gates.
Your spirit flew to life beyond the vail.
Those aged bones were what you left behind.
Though love remained with memory and tale.
A royal heart like yours is hard to find.
Ó November 16, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
When you walk outside into the open air
When you look around at all the beauty everywhere
Think of butterflies fluttering all around
Filling the atmosphere from the sky to the ground
When you feel the wind across your face
Remember my love is all over the place
When you see one lone butterfly fluttering by with such beauty and grace
Think of me and the last time you saw a smile on my face
Remember the joy we shared in our lifetime together
The bond we shared was the most precious treasure
You are blessed with memories of our years on earth
Just as God blessed me on the day of your birth
I have moved on to a glorious place
But daily I am still blessed with your loving face
When you see a butterfly, think of me
That is my spirit flying high and free
I watch over you my dear loved ones, each day and night
I am so proud of your choices to live your life right
My love for all of you will continue to flow
I miss throwing my arms around you more than you know
I am flying with Angels in the Heaven’s above
We watch over you always and send down our love
Look for the butterflies with colors so bright
For they host the spirits of loved ones now out of sight
You must keep your chin up and take care of yourself
But remember God sends His Angels to sometimes help
When you least expect it, at a time of great need
That’s when an Angel appears to do a good deed
Keep your eyes open and be prepared
Great blessings will be upon you when you’re least aware
Watch for the butterflies as they flutter around
They will soon appear in your life when they are less likely to be found
My heart is with you as I watch from afar
Angels walk with you wherever you are
Trust in my word and know that many blessings are upon you
For God has sent Angels who will help you through
Hold memories close and cherish those in your life with love
Trust in my word and in the Lord above
Copyright © 2003 Shari E Davis
she lit the candle,
watched the wick kindle
but as the flame burst forth
the wind by windows fought-
But alas! the flame, stabbed
wavered for life, but sabbed
soon faltered and died.
thereupon, she sighed
The drapes rise and fall
the wind hurries at call
and another match lit
by its glow she saw it-
The pale face, withered smile
there lies her heart, off a-mile
away to the towered end-
Yet still the flame died astern
The scream through the night-
the call of the wild a-flight
as a heart is stabbed a new
by the despair of Maria Drew.
I fear death, not quite death but yours, and not yours but mine
I guess I fear my death in being your survivor, but not quite
I fear grief, that it might consume me once more, but not mine
I guess it is your sorrow and despair at death that is drowning my life
I've been here before; I don't know how I survived or what inside me died
I had so many questions that she never answered; they never left, never died
So your gasping breath brings back my sorrow from that walled in stasis
I teeter on the rim of a well that reaches grief's bottom blackness, I lied
It is not your pain I fear, it's mine. I did not survive her deathbed
I never again lived. I died with her though peace I never found
I don't know if it was her death, my loss, hers, or the death cycle
But the air has stayed musty from graves while I pretended not to care
I don't know if I was there for her, or how she felt that last morning.
My memory lapses with that of the child I was then into dreams of gray
I don't know the pain of death, if it is worse to leave or know you are leaving
I don't know if she found peace or her heart broke for me or because of me.
Sorrow swells as the memories fade in, filling that well with blackness
I know that if I don't fall, it will rise up to suffocate me again
If I jump I will lose myself and never find you to say goodbye
My memory lapses, I think I jumped, did I tell her goodbye?
I fear my grief. Grief is all, nothing before or after exists.
I fear that grief will over shadow my mind and I won't be there
I fear that this sorrow will rob me of the words to say I love you
I fear despair will take my soul and this time I'll have nothing left of home.
How do I ask you to share this life with me when I don't know if I'll survive your death?
How do I ask you to live each day and don't let me run when I ran from her?
How do I ask you to believe in me and don't fear when I fear myself?
How do I ask you to comfort me when I'm too afraid to comfort you?
I never asked her to hold me again, to comfort, because she was the one dying.
What right do I have to ask the sick to comfort the healthy, the dead the living?
And how could I, being the first spirit to die, ask the ones who speak of life still
to comfort the shell I left behind while theirs decays before my eyes?
There are no comforts to sooth the guilt of living, but forgiveness will birth new life.
Life is a Devastation upon request,
When you live each moment like the rest.
Trying to fit in,
Wearing a mask,
It's killing you inside,
You have nowhere to hide.
As your heart falters,
And your breathing stops,
You fall into the dark abyss.
Not knowing what's on the otherside,
Not caring 'cause you have died.
Goodbye light, Hello darkness
Introduction: At some point of our lives, someone close to us departs off to the next
phase. We think of the good times and try not to think the bad; but sometimes it haunts us
back to how we responded in a naive way for our juvenile wishes. And sometimes we see them
in our dreams at the utmost optimism and glory. But the fact that we get to realize what
we did back then may have cherished and broken their souls in some ways, we always wonder
if we could alter the deeds that wounded their affection in our times of immaturity…And
pray that we get a second chance to do so for our next life. *the first two lines have some inspiration from another piece*
Even if our hearts were as strong as a storm, we’d still feel a little bit sad
Knowing that we’ve lost our grandfather, our friend, our dad.
For so many years, we’ve felt their presence
In so many ways, we’ve felt complete,
But truly, even if we deny – We sometimes skip a heartbeat.
Our lives are nothing but their memories and their art,
Orbiting us each day, reminding us of who we are
Where we stand and to whom we belong,
We pray and cry up oceans for them night after night
Praying to be together just one more time, in the worlds of light.
But yes you are so fortunate, that you got to leave,
You’ve made it to the greater step, I pray for us to meet.
May your soul be blessed and may it shine brighter than the sun, Again and again
‘I love you’ it’s not a lie, I may not have said it that much
But I hope you knew inside, even if I may have been unkind as such
Nothing is left for us to do but feel the tears stream down our eyes
For we, once in a while have broken their hearts with one or two lies,
Their face glows and vividly fades away from our dreams those nights
That’s when we fall, fall down to our knees, pray for we could have changed
The ways we reacted back in those days.
Thoughts of those moments, thoughts of their sorrow smile
Now makes us realize how we never cared,
For that to overcome, we treasure the good times we’ve shared,
The times we’ve heard them say “You’ve made me proud”
The times we’ve felt them lay their hands, oh so be crowned.
Their tender touch, their forgiveness
Their blessings for us and their happiness,
We pray to feel it all again
Bring it all again,
To the eternal life, after this time.
but sleep escapes
her face only
my mind quakes
close my eyes
Toss and sigh
the sun will hide
her hand cold with the death of romance
we watched it erode like a mountain chipped away by cheap winds
but still the flowers roll out, the cards keep coming
the quick peck kisses and morning goodbyes
the syringe shooting shared history into nostalgic veins
as dark radio rains throw branches against our chopin windowpanes
forever stuck in this merry mad dog affair
nightfall- sleep cascades death valley summer selling brooklyn bridge coffins that could fill mystery oceans in the space that lay between us
in this long forgotten sunken ship bed
I devour the time I came by -
By divine grace the twilight glinted
With the bedewed lips I felt mine
As I took the sip from my glass of whiskey
Blended with soda and ice.
The wind passed by the solstice time
I greeted the solitude that I took pride
With my nerves resting at peace
Yet I revived my soul to see her clearly in my mind's eye.
Drops fell upon my sour cheeks
Yet I veiled those with an ethereal smile
As I poured another sip from my glass of whiskey
I moaned with her fading memoirs
As my senses were getting confined.
I tried to speak but I couldn't whisper even
As I saw her going away with someone
I tried to stop but I couldn't walk even
When I realized I lost my nerves, I lost my senses
And I let her go, pouring another to my whiskey glass.
For once I feared and I shivered
And to honor my soul I tried to cheer
Neither I was drunk, nor it was cold
I opined my soul among the mortals of solitude
And I inhered with her memoirs by the twilight
That shone - as I poured a drop of my tears
in my whiskey glass.
I see you
I hear you
you must be
You still exist
I still miss you
I see you
I hear you
stay with me
I need thee
unit am I
without an ally
I need you
stay with me
I need thee.
At night I see your smiling face,
As if the chains of our love were unbroken.
Your look of utter devotion pervades my sensibilities.
I know it's true for many have said,
That you died loving me alone.
Yet you never fought hard enough to let us know.
I guess that secret has gone with you forever.
I cry frequently when I reflect on those irretrievable moments.
At times I feel imprisoned in a bubble that no one can penetrate
Memories however can never be erased.
I have constant flashbacks to those days so many years ago.
I see you in my mind's eye,
You enthralled at the sight of your firstborn.
And your words "that's my precious"
Seem to reverberate in my brain.
Are you now watching over me?
After all, we were once man and wife.
We come again to the stall at the gate
We come to the memory of empire
Where Delphine sat, the humble queen in state
And fed her family from one desire
That they should noble live, and work and dream
And love … and the gate was her throne supreme
But roll back now the tears of dusty days
When the sweet scent of sugar like anthem rise
From the sweat of workers, and see amaze
Miss Delphina with God’s fire in her eyes
This woman at Caymanas toiling pass
The sun’s hot noon, noble and full of class
See her, a mother, a warrior queen
Whipped by circumstance without surrender
Did anyone call her timid, call her mean?
Who could not find a place then to shelter?
Who did not taste her kindness? Higglers too
Serve for love, O mother, we honor you
From the coal black of days you supplied us
And your children five want not, O, nor need
But your hard work and love so inspired us
We rise in common hope so to succeed
With dignity, but not proud, a true friend
Rarely found in the common walks of men.
Caste nor class can cast decree, nor limit
Our aptitude to rise. Belief has wings
Death cannot break, faith flies in the spirit
And through slant of rain its brimmed vision sings
Delphina, Delphina, we miss you though
The door is so silent through which you go
No more the produce truck will hear her voice
Nor weary hands dry a child’s hungry tears
O death be humble, dare you now rejoice
She sleeps till Jesus shall for his kingdom appears
And we will hear great heaven’s trumpet blow
And with you mother we will rise and go
I wish they taught more about
Heartbreak in English class;
That I would see your face
In stormclouds, when
Bronze from the sunset scribbles
Our names in the sky.
It is happening every day.
I am no prize
In my Rossington-Collins band teeshirt
And deliberately torn jeans,
Sitting on the end of the street-
The place where horizon brush strokes
Stuck at the bottom
I'm caving in.
One thought of you not here
Puts me in a claustrophobic nightmare.
I can't wake up.
I may not see you again.
Reality isn't different from my sleep.
I'm still running aimlessly away to nowhere.
I'm so blinded.
Every second is hidden that I'm spinning in circles.
Makes me reckless, violent, purple dead.
Over and over something's wanting me to say
I was a creep for treating you that way.
Can you forgive me?
I promise I won't make you cry.
One more chance I'll be a loyal friend.
Walk to your door.
I'm closing in.
Standing on thin ice there's no turning back.
I'll say it straight out without fumbling.
For once in my life
I confess it was a mess.
Screwed up everything special we had planned.
But now I'm here alone.
Hope is my only invisible ally.
I raise my white flag to the skies.
Will you operate my wounded heart?
The stakes are high.
But I'm willing to continue where we left off
If you have room in your heart for rent.
simple words echo the fortress
the wind whispers of a longing cry
a tear falls in your absence
an agony pleads, as I cry out to an empty sky
your soft spoken words run through the thoughts of my yesterday
your beautiful song of truth, a loving heart so pure and true
It was how you spoke that you would never go away
all the stories you told of a love made for two.....
in my mind, I see your smile,a hope for each new day
I thank the good Lord above in celebration for the days spent with you
simple words, I pray.....
thank you my Lord for the comfort you have provided this day
when each day was cloudy and covered in grey
you brought the warmth of her love by my side to forever stay
The wind whispers a peaceful song
down a lush forest path, I walk along.........
She was thinning 'way-
Her color going gray
While she drowned in sweat:
"Gerald, have you slept?"
Her voice so old,
And gave me the cold.
But how could I sleep
While mum's life could creep...?
I had been crying
Weeping and weeping
Silently for her-
My mother was dying..
I crept from my bed:
No lights; poor and said-
I held her weak hands-
Cold without life's tan:
I heard her breathing-
And my heart craving
For mama's good health.
"But," I asked myself:
"Why must she suffer
Near a weeping son?"
And where was father?
He was dead and gone.
I wept as I thought.
"Return to your cot,
You need a night's sleep."
She spoke, my heart leaped.
"I shall be here until
Death is not fulfilled-
You shall never die
Else I shall ghastly cry."
She pressed me to her heart
And gave me a gent' pat.
"Gerald, please let us sleep
And my son do not weep.
"If I die, then god called
Causing weeds to come forth-
But do pray for my soul,
To rest in haven's hold."
"But mum," I cried. "do stop."
"Son," she continued. «Death
Is inherent to life.
Death comes 'round as we strive."
I wept as i watched her shiver
While her pale lips quivered
As she struggled out, ''Goodbye.''
I took her hands in mine
Feeling them freezing, kind:
-thus ended her earthly stay,
While i still had much to say.....
So eloquent the beauty absorbed around you;
You uplifted me by your sweet aroma.
Oh, I'm very sorry to say,
That day in May caused a breath to pay.
You stole my heart away
And cured my parading heartache;
Only if I'd known what would have brought that day,
Then I'd have hidden and gone another time.
I felt plagued and wanted to die;
As a lover would take a shot for you, I'd dodge infinity for you.
Yet only a stranger we both were,
I'm here writing this letter swollen with a million tears of heavy cries.
Maybe it could have been fate that we unofficially met;
A destiny resulting in both loss and gain.
A second's glance is certain to be the catch,
Since here I stand alone in the rain.
A passive reflection of sorrow illuminates from the scar;
My heart begins to beat slowly in rhythm with my eyes.
The ticking of the clock abruptly stops;
"I know you're up there," I finally whisper
White veil, misty eyed
in eternity he lay....
standing silent at his side
her mind shadows,
retraces each day....
moments, seasons.... reality sets in....
a longing breath for yesterday
goodbye she cries
as she turns away
a new season dawns
a tear fall away....
A Brian Strand Contest
14 Line Max
Her words had meant a thousand meanings but still i felt no self healing
for i had hurt her, done her wrong, called her a slave and nothing beyond
she was african but i be white, does that make us different
to see through the eyes of life and feel the nature hell bent
So many days had i been white, to insult the african woman who worked so hard
her skin, dry from the planting seasons, her hair so ratted from the water loss outside
but that same night i had called her worthless and slave she bowed her head
and i as well for it was her last wish, and that made it sacred
"Dear Lord" she said as she began her prayer and her eyes filled with tears
her silent stature, blissed with love and pure confinement, shone though
she was african but i be white, does that make us not afraid to die
to fear the darkness of the night and worship all who makes light no questions no why
"May all who recieve thy lord's love, cry to the bloodshed moon
for if man and woman be forgotten the balance of evil and good
will perish and i have seen this for my eyes turned blind by work
but here i sit with the same girl who did so and wish her no harm"
To stand up felt wrong but as she did so i followed out into the pasture
looking about i noticed the cows this african had milked 'um so many
but she was confident and bent down to the dirt that had one blue rose
i bent also not knowing if what i did was because i felt anything that arose
"And dear lord let her memories have soem of my son's
let the very feet he walked with be hers for i know they were strong
fast and smart he was but none know of he except me
but this girl right here will now know of his eternity"
And with that silent prayer sent to the heavens, i too began to cry
our shoulders shaked and our heads bobbed as the night engulfed us once more
she be african but i be white, does that make us sisters
yes, for we have both suffered and lost, loved and cherished, stood and cowered, worked till
death with blisters
So very, very sad
Those voices from the sky
So little time
So much to say, In those
Moments before they die
So very, very few
The words that said goodbye
So far away
So very, very far away…
Yet heard…every whisper…every sigh
I love you’s so many stifled cries
So many pauses…so many tear-filled eyes
So very, very lovely
Those precious words from on high
So very, profoundly silent
After that last goodbye
Those last “I love you’s,
Tell the kids I love them too
We’ll meet again… me and you”
So, so gently
Laid down and moved aside
So very, very hard to leave
Those voices from the sky
Please forgive me...
Sometimes th' hardships of life,devour Th' Lamb within
Strife n' cares of this world,often render me carnal
Pain and past failures,exhume hideous expressions of hate
Animosity it seems,pacifieth these insurrections too surely
Pardons are non~existant,in these upheavals of melancholy
The abandonings of my love,leaves my soul segregatious
Reckoning runs rampant,for seek of repression's remedy
For an cure for this curse,I long for th' day's dawning
My friends and lovers of fair,I beg your patience for my burdening
In th' finest moment in time,I hope we share bluest skies
For all hearts' desires granted,I would lay myself to rest
Even ones who loathe me,I would not allow their seclusion
If my truest of spirit and flesh,attain symmetry harmon'd...
You will see expressly how precious,you are to my delight'ng
But so many wounds exist,of battles long 'fore fought...
It is of a truth I am,from them all...dying
It was a long time ago
When I first saw your face
And I knew in that instant
My heart was captured in grace.
But how could I know,
If your heart opens its door?
I’m a stranger you don’t know,
Someone you haven’t seen before.
Oh have I tried?
To capture your eye
Oh have I failed?
With tears on my eye.
It was a short time before
When I first talked to you.
Your voices are honey to my ears
And your smile just wiped my tears.
Surely I didn't know
That your smiles are all deceitful
Your lips were speaking out lies
And your beauty was wolves disguise.
I never knew it for sure
Why my heart is still not cure
Its wound was just too painful
And its beat was unsecured.
I wanted you to understand
That all I want is to be your friend
But I didn't know I was speaking the lies
When deep down I was screaming “Good-bye!”
Ever did I believe?
That you would treat me like a thief.
After all those I have tried
You act like I’m a spy.
You’re angels for adults,
But devil to the others.
You have beauty on the outside,
But ugliness kept inside.
I won’t regret of loving you
Nor regret of needing you.
For my heart knew its true love
And it’ll forgive what had happened above.
But I regret a thousand times
For choosing you at first sight
And yes I do regeret more
For playing on love when I was bore.
Haven’t I known your true face now?
But look at me, I still allow
My two-face heart to fall in lust
With the person who’s got no trust!
I called you in a million times
You put me out just one try
My patient had no longer last
And my tears began to dry.
Should I say “Good-bye my love”?
Or should I cry “When will I’m heard”?
It’s just too simple for now I get
That I just wanted to be your friend.
As blood drips down
I stare at myself with a frown
Her body flashy red
Stabbed her dead
Dropped my knife
Started to caress my wife
As I removed my infected glove
Flowed in my mind were memories
How the joy to bury her in the cemeteries’ graves
I chopped her many and waves
Of worship appeared
I knew I feared
This, I loved too much
I remember the first touch
My hands on her hips
Licked mine and on her lips
As my hand gentle rows to the end of her back
I managed to take a snack
My hands reaching her round behind
Combined of the kissing of her chest
Licking between the two breast
I become more attracted
And more distracted
Pushed her on the bed
Instead my jumping ahead
I gave time
So then she can be mine
In the mid-dust, forever
Me and her together
As I stormed with the ring
I became the king
And she is my queen
The glorious scene
In a dull and faded
With me is hatred
I had to say
In a mysterious way
I have done a mistake
That no one can break
I picked the knife stabbed myself and returned
To my lover that I burned…
I wish there was a stairway
to heaven I would go.
I could see you as my angel
with wings all of your own
I'd tell you that I love you
and miss you every day.
My days have felt so empty,
these months seem like a dream.
I wish that I could wake up
and find you here with me.
I miss your loving arms around me,
I miss your comforting words.
You left without any warning,
and we didn't say goodbye.
Some words were left unspoken,
and we both had so much more to say.
If only for one moment
or maybe just one day.
We'd share that cup of coffee
and talk about our day
I'd tell you that I loved you
from daddy's little girl.
My life has changed forever,
I know you know it's true.
I pray that you can see me
and hear my cries of pain.
Please say you'll look down on me
and watch over me as you did.
And know I'll never forget you
or the times that we had shared.
To some you were just Alan
or maybe just a friend.
To me you were my father
that no one can take away.
I pray that we are reunited
in the kingdom up above.
Your strength, your wisdom, your humor..
has made me who I am today.
Twixt Autumn graves and still waves
wrapped in silent beauty she sleeps
Violet hue and faint dew
in her heart my love she keeps
Resting now after the battle
she had fought hard to save me
Fallen 'tween the columns and tombstones
none can wake her, only she
Will she ever wake?
What will it take
to bring her love back to me
Tomorrow is a luxury she forsakes
even as my heart breaks
She slumbers and together we will never be
I can feel the clouds moving above me
covering the sun
Just enough to feel the warmth of it
The wind screaming through the trees
Drops of rain trickling down my forehead
As I observe the colors of the rainbow
set upon your stone
The earth above you cool and quiet
As you slowly become embraced
within its soil
Sleep in silence
cry no more
In the circle of life
A new child is born.
We take turns stabbing
with our shovel at rocky clay dirt
until the cut's deep
enough for what little remains
of our family dog.
Warm wet salt drops--
on my tongue as
I sip wine from a fragile glass
Stare through to hawks
swimming in October winds
circling hills full of Diablo
full of still,
I know your pain
Although I don't know what's happening,
I can still feel the vain.
Seems like the beginning is the ending
One moment there's bliss
It feels much like a wet kiss.
But out of nowhere you see a mirror,
"It felt so real," as you stand there alone.
You try to make sense of it all;
Yet everything begins to fall.
"AHHHH!" you scream to the top of your lungs.
Your blue eyes are running waterfalls.
It hurts me to see a single tear,
You're not the only one to hide in the room.
Swallow your tears, don't let it drop,
A splash will only cause more bitter props.
But like I say,
Tomorrow will always bring another day.
So Faith, throw away your thorns,
anticipating a happy God-given next day.
I see you there
While your swarms of light surround you
A typhoon could hit,
And you'd still stand just as still
Your expression unfaltering through it all
It is spring now
Your name smells like flowers
But the rose
Of your cheeks is gone
Winter frost clings to your hardened face
Your eyes were rich
Like sunset on planting soil
Warm earth to sleep on
Now I sleep in the trees
I always get frostbite from the cold ground
A touch of your skin
Would make my heart melt
Last time we met
Gliding your arm underneath my robes,
You were ice cold
You have gone down,
With the setting sun,
The shadow of you,
No longer hovers around,
Never to hear the beat of your feet,
Our touch of palms,
Can no longer meet,
No longer we hear,
The whisper of your voice,
God's cherished choice you are,
Your hour is here,
Your time has come,
This earth you once traversed,
Your seeds of love dutifully dispersed,
A peaceful pathway,
Leads to heaven's gate,
God has beckoned you,
There's no longer a wait.
How to abate the loathing
When words mean nothing?
There are moments
In human existence
against baleful fate
One is left
with his thoughts
by all gods
by the world vile
gave him birth
in every spot
on the Earth
Where does his heart belong to
Never will he learn
How to console such a man
When all words would burn?
How to abate the loathing
When words mean nothing?
Black as night but bright as the moon,
Oh sweet angel, God took you too soon.
You brightened my day; you lit up my night,
And even in the heavens, you’ll be my guiding light.
Meeting you in the court of dawn,
Yes! We played and cried on life’s lawn.
Mutating dreams to reality the task at noon,
Ordering my trembling steps to the moon
Tearing our fate at dusk
Hands of death task
Earth you depart mot my path
Resquicat in pace and in my heart
He loves her.
His love for her never ends.
“Love is patient, love is kind.”
The good book says.
It is your best friend if you think about it.
It is also your worst enemy;
It shows no mercy nor welcomes your white flag.
The sinister disguise of Death and his pale green horse,
Hung in offices, homes, and churches.
Tears paint his face and the rain befriends him.
Hugs, kisses, and condolences:
“Love never dies.”
“Love lasts for eternity.”
“She will always live in you.”
I don’t respond;
I lack the strength.
I have crafted up a bronze statue in my heart.
Forever will my love be for her.
Forever will I be her keepsake.
The consequence of love is not a tragedy as I once believed.
The tragedy is not understanding what love is.
The tragedy is not being loved.
My heart is now the way it should be.
The leaves had changed to rainbow hues and soon the trees were bare
And though you’re gone, I know, deep down, that you are always there
And while my heart is broken and my life’s become a trial
I’ll never lose the memory of the summer in your smile.
Snowflakes ride across the sky on keen edged winter winds.
The sun and moon light day and night, two dimly glowing twins
And ice-cased wires adorn the roads for mile on frozen mile
While I stay warm relaxing in the summer in your smile.
The world lies buried ‘neath a shroud of newly fallen snow
That rolls around and piles in drifts when frigid breezes blow,
But I know the chill can’t touch me with its icy fingers while
I spend my days basking in the summer in your smile.
Soon spring will be upon us, then summer’s hot and humid days
And the sunny days will all be blurred behind a teary haze,
But I’ll go on and do my best to make my life worthwhile
And live within the golden light from the summer in your smile.
I hear the Preacher man say,"We're gathered here today;
to honor a man, a great man...till death stole him away on a swift hand."
I begin to remember how he helped make me, me.
How he made me into this young woman you see.
He put a glow in my smile and joy in my heart...
as long as I have my memory we'll never be apart.
I hear the Preacher man say,"We're gathered here today;
to honor a man, a great man...till death stole him away on a swift hand."
I begin to remember how that man put a twinkle in my eye...
With a faint smile and tearful good bye;
I pray to God then i give thanks
quietly under my breath i say "I Love You Hapaw Frank"
I love your Hapaw Frank may you be singing with the angels.
are crying, you see,
as they cling to the wood
that encompasses me
and the heart that still loves
the now widow above
who will hopefully never forget
all covered in fleurs
who now sleeps in the earth
is still grateful to her
and the heart that still pines
for the lover enshrined
who has never once thought to regret
that love had endowed
that came with the vow
who will not allow
to wither away,
unlike the fleurs
on destined day.
He lay down with exhaustion
that has not been named,
also someone next to him
as strange as the exhaustion
“Eve? Eve? Is it true God
has mentioned the name in heaven?
Someone that lay with closed eyes beside him.
Seems so peacefull:
“but, what is the pulse in my chest,
is also in that chest? In that chest?
Things tremble in my groin, is it
also in that groin? Yes, there?”
The one lay with eyes closed next to him, actually
hasn’t asleep yet. She was doubt,
afraid that it was demon’s work. She really needs to be heard.
Her heart whispering:
“Adam, I don’t really regret
for being sent away from heaven.”
But, there is something that he has’s realize in heaven,
when he touched the same bare body.
Yes, there is something that has not been sense in heaven,
when he stare at the same fascinating eyes.
The sky still purple, dawn is very young.
The leaf of heart still keep lunar light’s magic.
Strange coldness at the time, demanding
The two body finally complete
the first intercourse on earth. After
so different along the night, demanding.
On the grass, cannot differ, which are sweat,
which are dew, wich are other liquids.
“God, where are Thou last night?”
It was a clear dark night
When your voice was the only in sight,
The many years of childhood,
The "Hip-Hop Hooker,"
was the choice of many tunes,
So know, that in our genre,
We may never forget
How the regulations of the game was maneuvered,
By just 16 bars,
or how we jammed and sang,
Along in our car,
To the many soulful grooves,
This one, Nate Dogg is for you;
The armor slides as I undo the clasp
Cold and pained from Winters Grasp.
Dragons yell and fly above,
Falling dead from the strike of love.
A sword in hand and mage in the other,
He casts a spell and releases another.
The pain of miss fire and the sorrow of death,
I can feel the sadness and apologise on his breath.
Anders, sweet and pure,
Sometimes there is no hope for a cure.
Cast your spells, cast away
Cast until I see the end of day.
Mistakes take place all around,
Sometimes the fault should not be found.
Would you be human to not have disaster?
You own your magic, but not always as master.
You have tried your hardest,
Even with this, you heart is the largest.
Let me go, into deaths reach
But kiss my lips soft, like those of a peach.
Let me go, but to not forget
That flame in your heart for me, will always be lit.
I exhale a final breath,
As I slowly slip away to death.
Hold not to blame, twas not your fault,
But now the beatings of my heart will hault.
Maker take me, into the light above,
But always know, I remember your love.
A science teacher (of all people) taught me
that triangles and squares were once in unity
they were lines that cosied together
like a fistful of newly risen feathers
But the triangle became infatuated
with the wedge between two numbers
on a clock and it graduated
The square crushed crazily
on the symmetrical corners of a box
and grew three more lines fatally
a mathematician congratulates the tringle and square
for their courageous transformation- they cannot compare
a philosopher considers
that the shapes could get the jitters
a romanticist mourns the loss of two lines
who were as interlocked as vines
For the Last Time
For the last time as I put my hand on his chest I could feel his heartbeat,
very hard and slow.
As we held each other close, no words were needed for the love we had
for each other.
Looking into his eyes, tears were coming down my face as he pulled me to him,
gently with a kiss, and whispered.
Life is hard.
Death is easy.
Leaving you is the hardest.
I felt his lips go away like the beats of his heart.
Death has the victory today
My love is carried away
Breath is no longer his stay
My sorrow is deep like the sky
Loss is deep festering wound this way
My precious love took my heart
Now I will make a new start
Half existing, vision swimming
to be completed...
In your arms I held so tight
to feel the warmth of your skin
you made me feel so bright and alive
I yearned for the next day you held me again
there was so much happiness when I saw your face
when I held your hand I never wanted to let go
you gave me so much joy there was nothing to lose
everyday was something special to me and so much more
when that last day came for me god was waiting by my side
he told me that the time had came and I couldn't stay
the life he had helped you make for me is something that was great
he assured me I'd be an angel to look over you and protect you
when I got to heaven I watched the pain you had when I left
I didn't understand because you had something so precious to remember
but when you look at my pictures and hold my blanket tight
I see that I gave you more than just a memory but a piece of something in your
but never would I have been there so long if you weren't there for me
as time goes by don't think of the pain of losing me
I stood, shaking in front of you
As the songs were sung, the prayers said
And I called out to you,
But you did not answer, because you were dead
I cried silently, watching, waiting
And as time ticked by
Every moment, I was hating
The fact that I never got to say goodbye
So I write to you, my love
As you watch me from above,
Everthing I never got to say to you:
I met you two years ago on the corner of Fremont Avenue
And even then I knew that I would fall for you.
You looked at me strangely when I voiced this aloud
And right then, I nearly cowed
But, I stood strong
And eventually, you came along.
You were my first everything
Which is why everyone was surprised when i bought the ring
But, i didn't need to date around,
Looking for something I had already found.
We made it two years together,
Cruising straight through the stormy weather
We survived every obstacle put in front of us
So easily, no fuss
But there was one we could not avoid,
One we thought to be, because of our ages, devoid.
But, death has no age limit, we now know
Wish we would've known earlier, though.
(Heart failure at twenty eight years old
Is not uncommon, I am now told.)
It saddens me to think of all the more years we could have had
All the ups and downs, good and bad.
I think of all the years you won't get to live
And you know that there is nothing I wouldn't give
So that you could have those years of life
I'd even give you up as my wife,
If that's what it would take,
You have no idea of all the sacrifices I would make.
But, that's the thing about life and death: it doesn't work that way
You can be alive one day
And the next day gone.
And it all just seems so wrong.
I still have your ring.
Without it, I have nothing left.
Some people believe that love can endure anything
But that's not true,
at least not for me and you.
And even though it's time to say goodbye,
Just remember that my love for you will ALWAYS be able light the darkest sky.
Death can only strengthen love,
Not destroy it.
I love you,
And I miss you dearly.
You left this world in June
And took with you the moon;
But still I see your eyes
In every summer's rise.
Little lights all askew,
The fireflies fill my view
And dance their summer's dance.
I sigh and think of you
And know the circumstance.
Low, in darkness, damp and cold
stand I, free, but never bold.
Lonely wind caresses me.
Whether this is courtesy,
has yet to be foreseen.
Once I tower'd oe'r a cloud.
Stood I, free, and always proud.
At my side, that beauty stood.
Do for her all that I could,
and happy were we then.
Not for long, with me she stayed.
When he came out of the shade.
Gave her more than I e'r had.
All the love that this young lad
had ever seen and more.
Can I blame her, leaving me?
Should I dwell on memory?
After all he loved her too.
Who's to say why I am blue,
and who deserv'd her more?
Fate has ways of killing us,
Rob us of our will, it must.
Then it takes our pride away
and strips our lives until we stay
forever locked, in love.
Down my caverns fill'd with ice.
echoes how I've paid my price.
Cruel, perhaps, but loneliness,
has always been man's holiness
and solitude, desire.
Once you've crossed that Hades' gate
Never more can you await
safety in security.
Even if your love may be,
the purest of the pure.
Low, in darkness, damp and cold
stand I, free, but never bold.
Lonely wind caresses me.
Whether this is courtesy,
has yet to be foreseen.
my life hacked.
Rest is all I seek,
damned for being meek.
Tears of an expression unknown,
confusion down to the bone.
Rage cannot be contained,
must break free of the chains.
Take the sun away, and find me in a new day
The laws of this land are so hard to obey
You've showed me the way where we must all g
oTaken from me this beautiful sanctuary
Required till this day was your frozen soul
Blessed art thee for you have conquered
So gently you unwrapped my hopes and dreams
Lost and numb my heart beckons for the day
Relinquish these hands searching for my soul
Find a way to make me through this day
Requiem for the absolute- a prayer that cannot wait
Requiem for the absolute-I'll wait till the hymns be said
Requiem for the absolute- the dream that will not end
Barriers that create I create-- her suffering the cause of pain
While you sang to me about the dead star so innocently
So I came to thee while your eyes were glistening ever so sweetly
Inspired by thee I can't wait to see the day (the day)
when I have got you in my grave
Relinquish these hands searching for my soul
Find a way to make me through this day
Requiem for the absolute- a prayer that cannot wait
Requiem for the absolute-I'll wait till the hymns be said
Requiem for the absolute- the dream that will not end
Relinquish these hands searching for my soul
Find a way to make me through this day
Requiem for the absolute- a prayer that cannot wait
Requiem for the absolute-I'll wait till the hymns be said
Requiem for the absolute- the dream that will not end
Before the end of this day
There are a few things I have to say
About a beautiful person laid here
This woman, to me, so dear.
You were so much to me
Always there, no matter when
A mother when mine was gone
Grandmother to my children.
Always a smile on your face
Laughter filled your home
You fed me when I was hungry
Your door always open to me.
I'll miss sitting at the table
Talking, sharing and learning
I feel a void in my heart now
But feel strength knowing where you are.
You are home with God now
And I praise His mercy he has for you
This earth has lost a special soul
I will always love you.
Thank you for all you have done
Thank you for showing me love
Thank you for caring for me
I'll never forget you.
Tears can not stop falling
I wish I could of have been there
But you are safe now
And I feel your spirit comforting me.
So many people loved you
So many people knew you
So many people will miss you
I'll always love you.
He happened upon us
Like an answer to a prayer.
He was a fairly quiet man;
Friendly, personable and caring,
Never too loud or outspoken.
He was exactly what we all needed.
He was our shining Ray of hope.
He was not a large man;
Just slightly taller than my mother.
But he loved her,
And us as well,
With a heart that should have been
Impossible to contain
Within the confines
Of the even the largest human body.
He re-taught our family the concept
Of true, endless, unconditional love.
He gave of himself freely
Whether it be money for an evening out,
Good advice in times of uncertainty and strain,
The clothes off his back for those in need
Or a shoulder to lean on when someone was weary.
Unfairly was he ripped from us
Only eighteen months after coming to us.
All who knew him mourned with us.
His memory is one we cannot forget.
His lessons and his love
Go with us in all our journeys.
He was and always will be
Our shining Ray of hope.
You try to do the best that you can,
walking on eggshells I could never stand.
Both feeling judged for every action,
love thrown aside by this distraction.
So we're both insecure and afraid to face the music,
time goes by and hits us like a ton of bricks.
I don't think I've changed that much,
your mind in the past is where it's stuck.
Damage beyond repair is all that can be seen,
one of us has to go, exiled, as hard as it may seem.
So one of us puts our foot down. But at what cost?
The intolerance to change so that a marriage is lost.
Arrogance is the sickest way to raise your esteem,
now that all that we could've been is now just a dream.
You and I,
together have learn t
the meaning of love;
together painted our world
with the colors of love.
Colors of everlasting memories..
Sailed the seven seas
as I am your strength
and you are mine..
Soared the skies
exceeding all boundaries,
as I am the wind beneath your wings.
As we always did,
leaving my footsteps right beside yours,
let us walk the sandy shores,
while the gentle waves kiss our feet.
You may wonder
why you no longer see
my footsteps appear beside yours..
I assure you my love,
it is not that I have left you alone
in this journey.
It is because, now your heart
is my only abode
and I keep every step
with every step of yours.
But as you look back
you will see my footsteps
I left behind
before my soul bid goodbye
to my life..
Do not fear to walk the shores
as you are not alone.
I am the strength
living inside you
guiding you in every step you take;
leading you to our destination.
You may not see me beside you,
but it is still you and I together
who are treading this journey.
I had to leave my life
as I had no choice,
But, not even the greatest existing force
could make me leave you,
as I am alive in your heart
in the form of my love;
my love which will never die away
even after my death..
Listen to your every heart beat,
as it speaks the words of my love.
Never fill your eyes with tears,
it will blur my vision
as I see the world through your eyes.
Never try to escape the world of color,
as it is our world you and I
together painted with the colors of love.
Never stop dreaming
of the dreams we dream t together.
Because it is through you
that that I shall someday
see them realized.
Since your love is strong enough,
keep your heart beating for me,
as it is the only reason
I am immortal for you.
By the veil of night
when the world is at sleep,
look into the starry heavens
and you will see two solitary stars..
They are my eyes,
watching you from above,
always taking care of you.
There maybe nights
unvisited by the moon
but my eyes,
in the form of those two stars
will always be there for you.
That is the only moment
you will see me in any form.
But every other time
you will feel me,
as I am alive in every beat of your heart..
- Kushalee Jayawickreme -
So frigid was her immaculate body
Her last second in screams is all
I can see Love's revenge was my guilt
With you I'd rather let you die with Bound hands
Without you, Marie, like the psychopath's dream
Death is all that I can see; All that could redeem
Did anyone ask
Did anyone recall
The sweet taste of the poison
The swift slash of the knife
he penetration of the lead
The pain of her decaying heart
I can hear it's bellowing cries
But why can't you, Marie,
Hear my paranoid eulogies
Is the coffin too deep?
Was it so hard to solve
Was it so hard to see
That I strangled her so easily
My nails piercing her comely skin
Blood dripping like the pomegranate
I crushed with the shovel
I shattered her shins
The knife to slight her wrists
Didn't you see I did it all
The only witness
Couldn't say Is the coffin too deep?
The pain of her decaying hear
tI can hear it's bellowing cries
But why can't you, Marie,
Hear my paranoid eulogies
Is the coffin too deep?
Marie I cant stay
Earth is to cruel when
your coffin is to deep
Forever in death and in death alone
The pain of her decaying heart
I can hear it's bellowing cries
But why can't you, Marie,
Hear my paranoid eulogies
Is the coffin too deep?
Feeling is believing,
the heart has felt the pain,
love lost, now gone
forever, to be never
Our mommy and
our daddy, gone from
our sight but not our hearts,
we will forever love them
and never be apart.
I don't want a divorce,
I don't want our marriage to end.
I would love to be by your side,
and when the whole world is against me have a place to hide.
I desire to see your face every morning when I wake,
it hurts me deep inside that I'm away.
Not by my choice but because you feel It's best,
you don't have the feelings for me that a wife should.
I'm not sure if you think you're doing me a favor by separating like this,
one things for certain that you both are truly missed.
My life is up in the air and when I fall I hope that you'll be there.
I know I'm sometimes rough around the edges but that's who I am,
committed, loyal but sometimes paranoid of how you do things.
Am I to be totally subservient to you if things work out?
Or will we both meet half way instead of scream and shout?
I wonder at this very moment if you feel anything for me,
I know I love you very much and never wanted to leave.
Stuck in limbo in every aspect of life.
What am I to do, when I still love my beautiful wife?
The last couple of day's have been a blur,
from what does this wretched eclipse of confusion spur?
My life broken because of a mistake,
at what ends will I be consumed by this fate?
Again I will be alone in a strange land,
where the only purpose is to fight in the sand.
Sleepless nights and dreary days will haunt me,
no motivation to carry on, no will to decree.
I cannot laugh, I cannot cry,
my heart racing to the point I want to die.
Reality has yet to set in on these current events,
but 9 years thrown away just to feel content.
ELEGY WRITTEN ON THE DEATH
OF A PARAMOUR
How many faces shroud
A paramour ?
One, two, more!
He was vibrant
Man hood with veins and vines
Genetic thread bestowed
Chewing wild passions
Bit by bit
Anaconda devouring tender deer
And on by virtue of wedlock
Sharpeníd tongue and horns.
Denial of dreams, reasons justified
Each oneís lot.
Man of wild dreams
Libranís aggressive lust
For love, shattered
Red ants sting-
Day by day
Night by night
He became as thin as a lightning,
Tearing sky apart, frozen feelings
Exotic was the fragrance
Stealthed on wings of wind
Hurling, in a dead manís dream.
He moved to the nucleus, entranced
Of enchanting field of invocation
Furtive sleep walker
Knapsack of burning flesh.
A chamber full of dew and mist
Sorcery of the fairy
Combusting love and flesh
Fury of lust and love
Splashing lava of volcano
Dizziness, once fallen
Door for deliverance doomed.
Lascivious serpent dance
Sucking in, inhaling, exhuming
Chewing marrow with life sap.
Guilt and dirt on body and soul
Sunk deep and deep
In the marshy land
Fallen, fallen deep,
Heaviness, molten lead on mind
Tender soul forewarned
Samson J. Koladi
Good angel, bad angel
Relative and receptive
Swore his plight
Furrowed, lay on his back,
Losing all he kept close.
Like dawn downed
Came dusk, night
Accompanied by night angels
Came the Saviour
In the trance hour
Crawling with ease
Fang, needle teeth,
Curious at the hollow man
Merciful enough to exonerate
Mantle of skin pierced, spitting venom
Sacrificial Homa over
Crept back to darkness.
In the hour of Death
Paramour smiled, he weptÖ..
Whirlpools of dreams, love and sweat.
In broad day light,
All saw the paramour
Lying on the causeway,
Like a serpentís hood
Bluish body numb
As cold as Death,
Paramour met predicament
With neither fear nor sulleness.
Silent river of Time flowing
Poor soul rests in turbulence
Hailstorm and fire.
Death, I've seen your face before,
heard your knock on my son's door,
that time you came without forewarning,
the shock, the grief, the endless mourning.
This time I felt your hoof beats thunder,
dark horse tearing all asunder,
cold hand of death would seize another,
lethally, you chose my mother.
Death divides us like a wall,
no encore, no curtain call,
and though we can't be side by side,
our love can cross this great divide.
Life is short, or so they say,
but grief elongates every day.
Time, they say, will heal all wounds,
but mine are deep and widely strewn.
The midnight sky is bright with stars,
I whisper to you "Au Revoir,"
a gentle breeze-my cheek is kissed,
I hope you know how much you're missed.
It's ok Mom and Dad
please be happy and don't be sad
Look up in the sky and what do you see
into the clouds, you'll see an image of me
I might have left you but I'm still here
being forgotten, I do not fear
I know you love me and I love you
being taken away from you hurts me too
Whatever happened it's over now
I will find a way to be with you someday and somehow.
I'm in heaven and he's taking care of me
Say a little prayer for me.
Wake me from my livid dream, stir my soul
So spirit may bring flesh to sense again
Transport me to another time, this pain
Will cease in that climate where we are whole
There the lights are bright upon the stage
And death is banished from youth and from age
Truth alone endures asleep or awake, truth
Alone will never change, love is a fruit
Of enduring truth, and absence is pain
Telling us the giddy earth is so vain.
Why, giddy earth, did you take him away?
Is your coffer of dust famished for clay?
His immatured manhood pure art became
His unbound spirit was the candle'sflame
O giddy earth, you blew him out, no more
This child, to moonwalk your flesh gritting shore
He and Ben thought they would call you their own
A promised to be there when I'm alone.
Who shall write from the lonely tree for him
Who shall heal the world's pride for us like him
Who shall dance to the edge of oneness still
O truth endure ... we are a fabled will
Farewell Michael, great metaphor of time
In all your gift the race was more sublime
And we pray you will not fade from truth, we
Celebrate your art, love your memory.
We celebrate the joy in mystery lost
O art sublime tolls such a human cost
Farewell unfading genius and friend
Farewell guiding light none could comprehend.
Breakfasting with champions
Sound nutrition for a growing girl
Damn near perfection.
Cat in my cradle
sharp claws and foreboding meows
prophetically scratching out neural canals
filled with songs of the way it goes.
‘Charm’s a scheme’ – opus in D Major
‘Maturity a bitter disappointment’ – e minor fugue
and ‘The purpose of a human life,
no matter who’s controlling it
is to love whoever’s around
to be loved’ – Symphony in C
Songs to plug in by
Lifted by laughter into the network
of lovers and livers
thinkers and givers
titans and dreamers and friends.
When the overspeed trip triggers
it’s good to know
that the power’s still flowing
ready for next time
of plugging in
and cooking breakfast.
So on this day 6 years ago a child was born,
my precious daughter, who deep inside still mourns.
Although she is young she will always be sad,
knowing the one that is not home is her dad.
There's said to always be a special connection between daughter and father,
but this has been taken away by a mother and when it comes to our marriage, won't even bother.
Will she feel blame in the years to come?
That her mother and fathers marriage has come undone.
I can only hope that she dose not harbor anger at her parents,
mom and dad apart adds to the torment.
For my part I never wanted it to be this way for her,
I'm nothing more that a memory to mother and daughter.
So on this day I remember seeing my child's first breath of air,
now all I can see is a girl that mom and dad must share.
On this day life is bittersweet, cause I am no longer part of home,
another day of celebration with me left all alone.
The devil stared at me in hell as i came in
And i heard belch out right
"Come in lad for a pot of blood."
I shrugged my shoulders and sadly said:
"Sir Devil, i am here to pay for all my crimes."
He rang his hands and grumbled out loud:
"i know, i know! Feast a while and soon we shall come to that."
"but," is said." god will not be happy if i were instead made to enjoy hell."
The devil stared at me and smiled:
"Hell is my home and god has no say."
He gave me a mug of blood which i drank and quenched my thirst.
"Home is hell, hospitable." he said chewing a human head.
I was afraid but ate for, “home is hell, hospitable."
Soon as i was through, he called me to him and said;
"Now is the time for feast......."
And he plucked away my arm for a hearty meal..
Oh the devil...bedevil....a cunning bastard.
I merely watched to quench my fears before
And watch him taste the blood,
Before he went for my tender heart
I looked up to you and turned out just like you
You let everyone take advantage of you, me too
You didn't ask for anything in return
It went on for years and you still never learned
How could you be so strong?
Trying to fit in where you didn't belong
I loved the way you looked me in the eyes
Telling me you loved me as you began to cry
How could you be proud of me?
I didn't even graduate, I got my GED
Now that I need you, you won't answer the phone
You won't even open the door to come home
My life has been so painful in the last year
I need you more now than ever mother dear
No hugs, no kisses, no late night talks
No more going in town, no more walks
How can you leave your own child behind?
Leaving me in this world to seek and find
You promised you'd always be there
You said this while brushing my hair
In the last year, I got married and it fell apart
He committed adultery, got caught, and broke my heart
I need some advice on what to do
I need you to help pull me through
Again you said you'd never leave, never say goodbye
You broke your promise, but at least I know why
I miss you MOMMY, I miss your touch
God tell her I love her, tell her how much
For fleeting fame, a chance to shine
Her need for love and acceptance overwhelming.
Casting out all values and decorum
Her thoughts focused on only the prize she seeks
For fortune and celebrity outweigh the moral dilemma
Her sense of propriety and self-respect clouded
As she chases wealth and jewels and raiment’s of gold
This gilded beauty seeks the flash of celebrity with her gleaming smile
Unaware or oblivious to the emptiness of her chosen existence
The love so superficial…the acceptance a façade
Yet a growing void within, unfilled and gnawing at her soul,
She fails to understand, consumed with superficial desires…so many detractors
Instead, reaching still for her star, the mores of society cast aside
Ambition soon replaced with desperation as the pillars fall one by one
Surrounding herself with the leaches that prey upon the weak
Believing their lies, slipping further into the abyss of a lost soul
Clinging to the fleeting relief of drugs and salacious acts
Until the naïve young woman who once existed slips beyond salvation
Ambition and determination replaced with a need for instant gratification
Needing something to ease the agonizing pain of what she has created
But a loss so profound pushes her beyond coping with the anguish
Not even a true and genuine new love would be enough to heal
For her wounds are deep and many, and not one loves enough to see
Her end is in sight; as such tragedies have befallen the iconic fatales before her
Fleeting and elusive the adoration she craves…And no one hears; no one sees
While alone in a strange city and hotel room, her flame flickers and tragically dies
As her legend quickly becomes greater than her life had ever been
Will she revel in her place in history? Or is she simply gone; destroyed by us all.
Vacant heart, vacant mind, what have I done?
I wander these days with my soul on the run.
Although my mind is full I feel empty,
a whilrwind laden with confusion and memory's debris.
My heart aches to feel the love I once had,
Do I really wish to carry on feeling sad?
Hold me as you once did in our moments of solitude,
forget about the scars on your heart that are forever tattooed.
For they will heal if you let your pain and anger go,
if you accept my love to you on whom I bestow.
All these long days undecided,
don't let the influence of others lead you to be misguided.
Vacant heart, vacant mind, I never wanted to be apart from you,
lonliness, anger, fear, regret, together must be subdued.
Dearest Blue Eyes,
I could have taken your cup
Drank your sorrows
you would never
have tasted sadness.
Dearest Blue Eyes,
Felt the bullet
And not yours.
Dearest Blue Eyes,
I could have given you
Dearest Blue Eyes,
I could have
Blotted out your bitterness
Given you a smile.
Dearest Blue Eyes,
It is far too late
For wishful thinking.
Forgive me my loved one for I have violated you,
a backlash of reaction I don’t know what to do.
A lashing at what I deserved just the same,
all of what I am in trauma and insane.
Last night in my dreams your anger flashed in my head,
you so enraged with fury, I’m better off dead.
You must realize that your beauty captivates me,
making me crazy, volatile and incoherent to reason.
What it is I do to you and how I make you feel,
it hurts now I know and it sucks cause it’s real.
I understand now that I’ve strayed from respecting you,
a concussion on both our parts, something we have to undo.
Oh please little boy, please don't cry
Mommy went away
Daddy's here to stay
Please little boy, I love you so
Mommy's coming back
She didn't go!
Oh please little boy don't go away
Mommy will cry
While we go play
Please little boy won't you stay?
Still this day
My love where art thou?
You seem to be alone
A dream that I'm away
Rainclouds and teardrops
Upon your facial sky
Dried with your earthly hands
Cold nights I walk tense
Thru open doors that close
Before my steps appear
Distant I dare you
To call my name and see
The stone you left me by
My love where art thou?
You seem to be alone
A theme of my decay!
Games have all been played
Come out of hiding
No more chasing after
Don’t following the leader
It’s easy to find what’s fun
Harder to find what’s right
Caught up in your laughter
So cleverly projected
Projected over screams
Million smiles shine so bright
But never touched your eyes
Strip everything away
If that’s what it takes
I won’t let you fall
Won’t let you break
You think you’re living it up
But you’re just falling from grace
Will these games ever end
Or have I lost my friend
It’s easy to find what’s fun
Harder to find what’s right
Caught up in your laughter
So cleverly projected
Projected over screams
It’s like time is standing still
Without will, frozen in place
So sick of feeling helpless
Dreaming in black and grays
The clouds are over our head
Only rubble beneath our feet
Refection in the mirror telling lies
You weren’t ever alone
You were never on your own
Said all I’ve had to say
You’re no longer here anyway
Take a little piece of me with you
When you wake into eternity
Now I'm left behind in this world
The silence is deafening, deafening
Is it really a new year,
or has time stood still, going against the grain,
bearing all ill will.
More empty resolutions,
a quick fix for our solutions.
Can you see my voice? Can you feel my pain?
Do I feel better? Or is it all in vain?
Empty promises to ourselves or others,
a foolish cliche` burying ourselves in our troubles.
Struggling to find the answers when they're right in
front of our face,
right or wrong they will seal our fate.
All the while I hope, I hope for something that may
never come true.
A measure of time, knowing that I love only you.
I'm a ship lost at sea, I have no way to navigate,
no compass to give me direction,
a cloudy sky at night and no stars to guide me.
For I am in the doldrums of a relationship,
recirculated in endless circles never to find my way.
When will the sky clear?
When will the seas calm?
When will the stars shine?
For I'm at the mercy of the sea who is my wife,
and told by others are sea stories of peril and woe,
for who knows where the sea will send you when you think you have control.
Pushing on with my sails ripped,
rudder broken and current driven.
I am the captain on the ship of my life,
lost in the sea of despair and don't know where to go.
My heart is torn asunder,
her words echo in my soul like thunder.
As she turns her back and walks away,
I feel my body start to sway.
I drop to my knees and whisper her name,
knowing in my heart I will never be the same.
Her actions bring an almost physical pain,
every moment is a battle to remain sane.
But I know that this fight with myself is hopeless,
so I let go and slip into welcoming darkness.
Dearest Blue Eyes
You've been drinking
The cup of bitter sadness
Your mind poisoned
With a sweet smile
Secretly devouring you
Agony so intoxicating
Vision so distorted
Only one little bullet
Would stop the pain
Your pain is gone
My Dearest Blue Eyes
But you left shards
Of one little bullet
Inside our hearts
Dearest Blue Eyes,
You will be missed.
Damn these days of separation,
we both react out of desperation.
Where simple logic is thrown aside,
and dog eat dog reeks of self pride.
Trying to survive with no obligations,
loosing my mind knowing my past fixations.
My life had purpose my life had definition,
both of you my responsibility despite my minds condition.
I gave it my all almost always,
despite our differences lingering in the hallways.
Guilt-ridden I am, and don't know how else to feel,
wishing you'd disarm your anger at me so we can heal.
Can you understand that we're both hurting?
Both subjecting our hearts to perverting.
Are you going to hate me? Or let me back in?
The fracture of our hearts, proof of original sin.
The pain was so real for my brother Nate. We did not see the signs of the way he
was feeling. If he cried out for help and let us know. My dear bother would still be
hear and with the proper medicine he would begin to heal. What was you
thinking of that October day. When you took your own life that ended so suddenly
that way. Did you feel you were not loved and for that split second ended your life
instead of calling for help before you plunged in the water. What was on your
mind when you put your hands up with despair. And down in the water went the
car on that October day. Did you cry out did you try and pray. Did you find the pain
on this earth too much to cope. Dearest brother you are very missed it is sad but
true. Have I not told you more often that I do love you. I feel a loss without you
hear. I wish you were not gone I wish you were near. I can't stand the pain it is too
hard to bear Too For I look to this day that I wish I can change. That I made more
time with you my brother now it too late because you are in heaven with the
angels on high I will always love you my dear brother Nate you will always hold a
special place in my heart until we meet again in heaven the most beautiful place
where we will have no more tears and pain. Dearest brother until we meet again
I will love you always until the day when I die I will join you then only then we will
Today is my wifes birthday,
I should feel joy for her, but I feel betrayed.
Cause I cannot celebrate another year of life for her that has come and gone,
instead I will be by myself, more reason for suffering to spawn.
I cannot hold her and tell her that I love her,
I cannot give her gifts to make her feel important.
Instead I wait for phone calls dealing with bills and raves and rants.
It's supposed to be a joyous occasion,
but I feel like I'm mourning the dead, my mind and heart feeling under invasion.
Wondering if I will be a tribute to such events,
this is one fine day indeed, but for me is torment.
Over a month and no change of heart,
Is she even trying? Or had no control from the start.
Maybe controlled by others to keep the peace,
mind, heart and will up for release.
Influenced, yet assumed to be in control,
How long before self damage is done, that you see the toll?
Why did you choose this life for the both of us?
To boost your pride and think your tough?
I feel that you have no regret,
your apologies are easy to forget.
If you ever loved me then why do this?
Have I not proved to you that my love for you exists?
Wondering if it bothers you that after all we've been through that I've retired,
it dose not mean that I've lost my desire.
Mentally and physically draining it is to try and salvage our vows,
I've broken mine and you've broken yours, morally not allowed.
So we both screwed up, but only one of us is willing to fix it,
in the blink of an eye, I'll be ready, waiting to commit.
Current mood: distraught
If i could just project my voice into the ears of those i love
I would take the world into my words and let them hear what my heart sings
it sings of joy and the past time with them,oh so it longs and holds on to that year
but im afraid if i let go now would they feel my heart as it heals and as I
Drop to the floor
I wonder if i shouldve stopped my heart before it fails to bleed
if i died unsuspectively what would my life mean
well dear wonders of this world look at what Beauty Ive Become
Now Watch me Lay out on the street
Take my wings
I dont need them because Angels only kill themselves in dreams
Its just as if heaven was inside my Veins So
Let me bless You know let me Bless these grounds
Let me spill onto the pavement so cold and Shameless im lost
but none of my friends can see this,are they blinded by my Mask
in which i always wear but if i offend you im sorry i swear
Im sorry that im dead
Make this your only comfort to see me lying there in that box soundly asleep
dont even bother trying to wake me,dont call my name
cause my heart feels no remorse or shame for what happened to me
I told you all that i was sick,but did you bother to listen to me
It sucks sleeping alone in our bed,
I can't sleep worth a damn, I wish I was dead.
Thinking of nothing else, but you and Trin,
talking about it, I don't know where to begin.
And yet I still can't fathom that you're not here,
Something that has always been one of my fears.
Is it really worth it being apart?
loving each other with all of our hearts.
I feel so empty inside and full of emotion,
giving you nothing but my true devotion.
Being there to comfort you in times of despair,
finding out now that life is not fair.
The gunshots echoes the end,
her chest trembles,
its her last breath.
She is covered in blood,
its splattered everywhere,
it seems too much.
I ignore it and hold her still warm hand,
as her eyes stared up to heaven,
I'm wondering what she seen,
maybe I'll catch a glimpse
of an Angel taking her away.
the pulse is gone.
I slowly stand
only to face the murderer.
In his eyes the anger and distress
have united in a paralysis
of fear and shock.
He is mumbling,
making no sense,
the gun is held
tightly against his head.
Once he was called
Husband and Father,
now he is something
that is not man.
With disgust and fear,
I take Connie's gun
from his shaking hands.
as he is waiting
for the comfort
of the cold steel
were broken and silenced
in a few moments
of domestic violence.
To the man who is not a man,
its life without parole
behind brick walls till the end.
Brilliant words made of love,
decay in a blur of rage
A family is broken
as the trigger is pulled
and the unmindful bullets fly.
Compassion and lies have met.
Righteousness and discord have kissed.
As she fades in deaths handcuffs
love slips away.
It is an old drama
this dissappearance of the leaves,
this seeming death
of the landscape
great in a later scene,
the trees like snarled magicians
out of empty branches.
And we watch
we are like children
at this spectacle
as if one day we too
will open the wooden doors
of our coffins
and come out smiling
all over again.
Dragged over the field went your man of such valor.
Unaided by those above, left to the fury of that rage,
Of who took down so many to find the heart of truth,
On that foreign land so long ago.
For who wept longer than you dear lady,
When the son of Peleus took what was yours?
On that foreign land, so long ago.
How do I wipe your tears,
When so long ago did your heart break?
To see him, that one so noble,
Disfigured behind that cruel chariot.
Who held you close
On that grievous day, so long ago?
Now a spoil to the very madness,
That came across the Aegean to your step.
Taking down with swords to flesh.
The sharp blades and the gore,
And what did befall you?
So long ago.
For your loss I do give this one gift
A secret shrine deep within my mind,
Now on quiet nights do I light the censor,
And remember those tears on that tender cheek.
So long ago.
It was meant for friendship and love,
a vow that cannot be undone.
Around my neck it brings memories good and bad,
through the day's living happy or sad.
Not worn for failure or an excuse to move on,
taking it off, all my efforts will be gone.
Yet I wear it still in my dark days with hope,
Dedication, compassion, understanding are embedded
with this yoke.
I can't give up now even as we're apart,
doing so will mean I never loved you from the start.
For better for worse, for rich or for poorer, till
death do us part,
this ring I wear with all of my heart.
His name is Ricky
He's gone for good
He was so beautiful
No one understood!
She went to work
And when she came back
He was laying there lifeless
He had suffered a smack
She cried and cried
Her little Ricky was gone
She could not help him
The damage was done!
What is love?
Is it a gift from the almighty up above?
Some say it's an emotion,
a understanding of true devotion.
It cannot be bought or sought with such haste,
doing so would be such a waste.
Loosing it can feel like death,
an unexplainable loss, you loose your breath.
If love is a miserable lie, then we're all in perdition,
how can something such as love be abused with intuition?
Love is supposed to be unconditional,
but being creatures of habit is part of the ritual.
There will always be a skewed view of what love should be,
is something like this meant for me?
One Hour into school and im hearing news but not believing
what they say,it comes again
in the form of wicked sadness destroying seamen rank by rank
adn my tears fall inside like flanks,in my shaking head
I hold this in mind
and let truth behold all i might not see and death brings me closer to the seams
of life and im so afraid
im a coward of time and i've got so many cards I dealt
but the ace is hidden by my side
and lastnight it was Sunday May 5th 2008
and somehow we they got there late
I just know it was'nt your time but we all will be fine
you will be missed and we'll remember this time when we had to say goodbye
and our tears flow like new life
and at the drop of a hat,
a mother lost a daughter,father lost a girl,we lost an angel
and God gained your grace students lost a hero,I know im way past my limit
so why do I write still,but i know somehow i'll prove you're living in our brain
Mrs.Gates we miss you dearly as you glowed with day
and will always be remembered not erased
"This Poem/Song is dedicated to the Family,Friends,Students and staff who
were touched by this Angel's Grace,R.I.P. Mrs.Gates"
I remember when we used to be so care free,
now it seems like we live on our knees.
What happened to the love and joy we once had?,
refusing to believe that it was some kind of fad.
We both know what we had was real,
Where did it go? Where's that raw feel?
A feel of untainted connection,
unblinded by pure affection.
Not clouded by others opinion,
to have control over our hearts dominion.
I know I've lost sight of what brought us together,
wanting it so bad and have it forever.
Causing so much destruction lost in myself,
giving the impression that I'm damaged beyond help.
Finally after years of my heart and mind being adrift,
enough of this confusion, it's time for a shift.
Not just for me, but for the ones I love,
the one who is reading this knows whom I speak of.
My spirit can only express consolation for what you've gone through,
something that has been lost between us, so rare yet so true.
Anger and frustration that harbors in your heart I understand,
wanting to release it forever a pain that was never planned.
The pain I feel is that I miss you and our daughter,
missing out on being a husband and father.
I know I can't fix everything but I know that I can try,
How long till I receive your love? When will that time draw nigh?
We both love each other it's not hard to figure out,
what's really hard is dealing with doubt.
From the time we're apart,
we're breaking our hearts,
With disillusions and lies,
to better our lives.
Trying to gain something we think we can have,
when it was right there next to us, then we feel sad.
Hurting ourselves for trying so hard,
being nothing more than selfish and taking it so far.
To the point of to return, a place none of us will go
A checkmate in life, and it never gets better.
The hours spent waiting
are over, the hardest
part still yet to come.
Calls are made,
tears flow freely as they
come to take him away.
Your knees go weak,
you feel arms catch you
as you hear your baby sister's
voice saying the words
you can't bring yourself
we're gathered here...the only ones left
to remember, now grieve, tearfully bereft
"departed" is such a odd thing to say
knowing we'd prefer, 'most any other way
still dead is dead, and changed to forever
we laughed 'til we cried when we were together
friends love friends, our family's love joined
love continues, beyond life's terminus purloined
we put you...uh...down now, your lovely soul
and cover your body, with dirt in this hole
ending relations of years, left debt in arrears
seems a forlorn thing to do...full of tears
still you've been a good friend, a good lover
hard to say it aloud, to want no other
that I should have to let you go...so soon
still, with you now gone, can I have your room?
© Goode Guy 2011-12-29
Where are you brother for flesh that sizzles for me?
We ache together and cry apart in arms of lovers
Foreign to us as spirits in the air
God before man, Lovers but happy, yet hating this life
And we loved each embrace but hated the end, the beginning I died in between
In the arms of my lover, my sin, my hates face
And they whisper about things they can’t understand
I died, and he lies in you now
Happy little girl, happy man
And I lay way over there far away
Best stay that way
Adios, Adios amigo of Diablo
And I died there among the ashes
And I cried alone in her
And me, And I am more now not like before
Solo and he knew it, can’t claim ashes she burnt up away in the air
You can only catch piece of her, pieces of what she use to be nothing to you
Burning her in the air before a new world
Hate me please
Because she will never truly hate you like before
She saved herself from past
Where you still remain in youth in that little girl
Good bye man, Goodbye
Pick up your fallen flower and run just like before
Its best beast that’s what you like
I forgot all the good things you were
What you said at the beginning I died at the end
And all that is left is you’re fallen flower on the floor
Damaged goods that little girl, used by all those before you
And I am not bitter why be heard beast I knew the real you she got the copy false
Oops that’s me I know nothing she knows the real you
Because he was more intelligent than her she knows nothing
Uh huh and they all remember when he left
Uh huh and she forgot and he remains now in you be happy
Carry your disease infested butt right back to the pits of hell far from her.
Cause she needs the heat and you frozen in the center of her heart
And he will melt you away just like before
Goodbye enemy of mine wrapped beneath a friend/hate
Catch you latter with that child near me
Minus the one that still hurts!!!
Search for not the roads I've travelled,
But meet me at the crossroads.
Don't ask me where I am going,
Because I can only tell you where I've been.
If you look down your own path
And can't see your journey's end,
I guess that's a good thing;
Because there's a possibility
We may see each other again.
Jesus called you home today
Said your time was up
Please walk this way
Follow him through the Pearly Gates
As you step through Heaven's Door
Please remember these few words
Mother I will miss you so
I'm sorry you had to go
You were only 49 years old
But your time on Earth was done
Now it was time for you to be an Angel
I know you'll be there to watch out for me
Like you were when you where here
I am happy though
You don't have to suffer from the cancer and stroke
Jesus took your hand and lead you home
Showed you a new life to live
Even though you are truely missed
I know theres holes in the floor of Heaven
And your my guardian Angel
Watching out for me through my troubled times
You are still my guiding light
I love you mom but know its time
Cause Jesus called you home today
Written by Ann Wilson on
October 31 2006
What were you thinking of on that October day? When you went over the line and
plunged into the creek. What was on your mind when you held up your hands?
Did you not care and want to give up? Or was your pain so real to you and
suddenly the thoughts came to your mind and were you feeling like you didn't
care ?Were you hurting so much with only despair?Did you think you would not
be missed? Or did you say I will take my own life because nobody cares? Did
you know what you were doing or did your mind just snap? If you would of shared
with us that you wanted to end your own life. Or was your mind doing tricks in
your head? Or did you just give up and want to be dead? My dearest brother we
are all sad that you have departed with us this way. Did you not try and pray or did
you not think your pain and suffering was to much to bear. We all miss you so
dearly we wish you was here. I want you to know what is plain and clear that your
loved ones are sad that you went and left us on that October day. As we had to
say goodbye on the 7th of October for saying good bye is hard. You are still in our
thoughts from time to time. And still in our minds with the same thoughts over
and over time and time again Why did you have to leave us why did you go
away? What were you thinking of that day?
Don’t cry my very own little ones
I assure you I’ll be alright
For tonight I’m gone to visit Jesus
For Upon you I shall shine a light
Maybe within the big bright sun
Or maybe the twinkling of a star
But may you find the comfort in light
Of knowing from you I’m never far.
I’m on the glistening green grass
Within the bright morning dew
I’m in the warm breeze a blowing
Blowing my kisses right to you.
I’m in the soft gentle rain
That falls upon your face
I’m in those pure white blankets of snow
Holding you in my embrace.
I’m in the moon that shines so bright
On your darkest nights
I’m always in that great big blue sky
To show you your guiding light.
So never feel you are all alone
Or you never have a friend
Because I’ll always be right beside you
From now and all throughout the end.
I’m everywhere you go
And in everything you do
I’m in your heart and in your soul
For my love will always follows you.
The little girl watched with boundless tears
As her angel slowly faded away
“Merry Christmas Momma,” the little girl said
“I’ll see you on Christmas day.”
As we gather around at this time of the year
It makes us wish even more that you were here
We will never grow accustom to life without you
We know that you are peaceful now
Walking streets of gold
Holding hands with the angels
And never growing old
That doesn’t change the void we feel
Opening up the presents
And sitting down for a meal
With each light on the tree that twinkles
We feel that you are close
Wishing we had the time to say that we loved you the most
Now we will share each moment in memory of you
Merry Christmas to Heaven
Merry Christmas to You
I anxiously await the latest words or thoughts from your lips,
trying not to let my mind and heart eclipse.
For if they do all reason will be thrown aside,
and you will find it harder to confide.
Seems that all aspects of my life are in purgatory,
like somebody else was writing my story.
The sound of your voice the touch of your hand the beat of your heart,
all of this and more is miss as we're apart.
Disdain for myself fills my mind every morning when I wake,
cursed to always feel regret from my mistakes.
The premonition of our lives together is obscure,
and although I am far from perfect my love for you has always been pure.
So this is how it's to be for an unknown length of time,
I can't be myself around others and speak my mind,
It's ended my marriage and cost me my friends,
I suppose this is how it will be till my life ends.
With no place to go, with no place to call home,
I will live within four walls to dwell alone.
Weather it's in a cardboard box or in a room shared with others,
I'm still alone, friendless and my heart will smother.
If I'm on the other side of the world I have no one to come back to here,
homeless I wander, I cannot share my life with those I hold dear.
I feel like I'm the living dead,
my family taken from me, my sanity hanging by a thread.
It seems like I can't do anything right,
no purpose to live, no will to fight.
It aches my heart,
Thoughts of him,
I loved him so
Just why was it time to go?
We were so close from what is remembered
As a small child,
The big tree in his yard
My siblings and I would climb
While he watched
In the shade of a neatly pruned Plumb Tree
His death came so sudden,
But did it really?
Was my mind playing tricks,
Or was it reality?
Eight years old,
Wearing black and green
To His funeral.
I did not understand death,
Yet I cried . . .
Cried for day,
I felt empty without him.
That day I figured death
That it was painful.
A loss of a person who was close.
Someone you love.
How long will I be waiting?
For I long to be by the side of my soul mate,
I refuse to believe that everything we had is gone.
When you look at my face I'm anything but withdrawn,
and when I leave so much uncertainty regards our fate.
Where will this road take us?
It seems like we're at a impasse,
like I'm getting to close and you're holding back.
I said I love you the last time I saw you,
you returned the reply in same but cut yourself short.
Beautiful music to my ears even if it was long overdue.
Something out of habit?
Or did you really mean it?
I wait for the day to hear those words everyday,
convinced that you're heart has not decayed.
Another year gone by,
time certainly does fly.
Hoping that it would be another year together,
instead dwelling on fears of loosing you forever.
Today is my birthday, a joyous occasion,
but instead I mourn in silence, living in damnation.
Is this to be the norm forever?
Wishing day by day things will get better.
I dream of this day being at the boardwalk with you
and our daughter,
but instead today I will be alone, the fear of any
mother or father.
Today is my birthday, and there will be a tomorrow,
but for now I must live it in sorrow.
You taught us how to be "Bad" by telling our enemies to "Beat It"
We learned how to "Scream" "Leave Me Alone" when we lost friends like "Ben" or had people
like "Billie Jean" telling lies
We came together to "Jam" and "Rock Wit You" whether we were "Black or White"
You helped the guys get the "PYT" and made them into their "Girlfriend"
With the help of "Human Nature" and "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough", teenagers were "Off
We found the positive side of us by looking at "The Man in the Mirror" because you showed
us how to "Keep the Faith"
You showed us that we had to take it upon ourselves to "Heal the World" because "They
Don't Care About Us"
We became "Unbreakable" when your life was "Threatened" by the accusations of the liars
These accusations were such "Heartbreaks" and we heard your "Cry"
Now all of a sudden, "You're Gone too Soon"
You can "Ease On Down the Road" then fly off into Heaven like the little "Butterflies" that
roam in the spring time
All we can do is "Come Together", "Smile", and "Remember the Time"
We're just "Good Friends" of the world that you knew as your fans
"Fly Away" Michael Jackson, you will be forever and dearly missed.
Little boy blue don't be so sad
You're my joy it can't be that bad?
Come put your horn down and sit with me,
Your smile is soothing and will comfort me
Then we'll look into each other's eyes and treasure
our moments time will not always provide
Little boy blue you're my treasure I've long been waiting for
Soon you'll not be here and my memory will be all that I will hold onto
Let us rest together for I know you're frail,
I need God the Holy Spirit, "the Great Comforter"
to come right now. Take my pain Lord and stand with me,
to help hold me up when all I feel is despair. Give me the
strength to help carry on for when my little boy blue is gone
Little boy blue, I'll love you forever you see
I can only close my eyes and it's you and me
together in peace
You are so precious and such a sweet gift
too special for this world, it's straight to Heaven
where you'll exist
I know you must be perfect in God's holy eyes
to take one so young who never touched his life
You're going to paradise where you'll wait for me
Until then when I am all alone I'll go outside and in my search for some
serenity I'll close my eyes and ask God to help me believe that you will
be the special star in the sky that I will see
I'm sorry that for once I seem to appear human,
repeatedly knocked down by the one I love.
I'm sorry that I'm not next to you to shove,
I fall down on my own quite enough thank you.
I'm sorry that I seem to have a different view,
which is probably why I seem to talk in riddles.
I'm sorry that I'm no longer in the middle,
probably at the bottom the barrel is where I stand.
I'm sorry that for us being apart there is no contingency plan,
I have no idea where I'll end up, on the street or in a ditch.
I'm sorry that all the feelings I have towards you seem like a glitch,
maybe cause this is not the first time "it's not you, it's me".
I'm sorry when we talk I seem to beg and plea,
my apologies, if there's something wrong with that train of thought.
I'm sorry that our relationship is distraught,
Dose it make you feel good to appear cold as ice?
I'm sorry that I'm probably the last person to seek for advice,
I wonder where I fit in, with all the screwed up good hearted people you know.
I'm sorry that I have to hide my feelings that I want to show,
I get off on wasting my time to acquire your compassion.
I'm sorry that your heart has no love to ration.
I'm sorry that I am who I am.
We would climb the hills
Peaks and trails
Under the starlit night
Over the slopes
Down the valley
Battling a ferocious fight
It was fun and games
laughs and tears
Until my foot had slipped
But then you grabbed me
And pulled me back up
As your body leaned and tipped
You ended up
Being the one to fall
Down the endless pointed cliff
And I could not explain what I saw
On a bed or rocks
Poking from your back which was raw
I ran desperately down to help you
But found that I could not
For when I touched your hand
It felt cold
When it should have been hot
I can't understand
How in one moment
I am consumed by such a fear
And now I am left
Washing your blood with my tears
Why’d it have to be you?
Anyone but you,
My life has changed so much since you left me.
I miss you so much.
Why couldn’t it just be me?
You were always there for me,
You made me laugh
You made me smile,
You eve n made me cry over stupid little things.
Why cant you just come back?
I hear these songs and they remind me what good times we had
“Slipped Away”, “What hurts the Most”, “Believe”,
I just wish you’d come back.
Why’d it have to be you?
Of all the good things you did to others
I don’t remember anything you’ve done wrong to hurt any one or yourself.
I carry your picture around with me all the time and think about you 24/7.
I just wonder like a song, if I have somebody watching over me and who it is,
Someone must be or I wouldn’t be here this day.
If I’ve done anything wrong to hurt you,
I’m sorry and wish everything would be like they were before.
All the good times we shared and here it is almost 5 years later and its lost….all of it.
You were the one who made me realize that life really is important and has a meaning to it.
Why did you leave? Especially the way you did?
It wasn’t anyone’s fault.. It just happened.
All of this seems like a dream and a nightmare.
Everyday and night, think and wish you were here…I guess everyone wishes that.
Why? Why does it feel like I’m not forgiven?
The last words from me to you, “I hate you and never want to see again”, gets to me every
It seems like if I hadn’t said that,
You’d still be here with me today.
It’s like that song “What Hurts the Most”,
And what really hurts the most was being so close and saying what I had said.
I feel so lost. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
I’m happy I wasn’t there to see you leave the way you did, but again I wish I could’ve.
Why? Why did this happen to you?
every time near Christmas, I can’t help but to think of this horrible tragedy.
I wish you’d come back.
It’s NOT FAIR!!!
I lost my friend, best friend, closest friend
my closest cousin I had, and apart of me.
I pray everyday that I would see you again and I know I will..
Please come back! Please! I know God puts his people on this Earth and takes them back
when he thinks they’re ready,
But you? Why you? You wasn’t ready.
11 years of my life are gone, taken away from me.
4 years ago on December 21, 2001, was the worst time of my life.
I wish nothing ever happened
And that we’d still be here together today.
A ruddy tide strained
silting a dying whisper
salty knotted hair swirled
tainting the sweetness of november
A dark elegy, a classic
of true love betrayed
selfless love perpetrated
an agonizing malaise
Consumed by grief
lost to the lovemaking of june
ebullient eyes now stoic
fixed by the calling of the moon
Holy vows broken
scattered upon the ebb and flow of the sea
whose lies silenced autumn's resurrection
the listless Lorelei
Farewell, until we meet again
I don't understand why God had to take you so young
Death, pain, and sorrow are hard things
For a young person to deal with in life
I always told you Good Night; we
saw each other the next day
On that night I thought that
You were just resting
But then I realized it would be
A rest for all eternity
My heart is broken into pieces as
I try to hold my tears back
The only person that
I could call my brother
Is now gone, not suffering
And to never be forgotten
Today, I can't think but to
wonder why God had to take you away
Friends and family pay their
Respects and say their last words
You're in God's hands now,
He'll take care of you
I give you a kiss and whisper
"Good Night! Rest in Peace Until We Meet Again"
Janice has found a place,
faraway from sorrow,
pain doesn't exist
and she is at peace.
She was a wanderer,
with love in her eyes,
longing for "Dave",
her soul mate !
Showing and giving love
with words and gestures,
not letting the sorrow
of life to show.
Even though the
needles and spoons
and was loved.
The angels have spoken
and taken her away.
All is forgiven
in that place.
A place of everlasting
peace and love.
Even now you haunt me
As I am dusted by slumber
You drift to my bedside
Kissing me with soft bane lips
Enveloping me totally
In deadly gasping rapture
I raise my head from the pillow
A moment of lucidity
To rediscover your esprit beauty
Is just beyond my reach
I can almost hear your essence
Whispering sweet ardor
As that black robed hand
Pulls you wrathfully away
Tearing you from me again
You look to me over your shoulder
Feeling that kindred ache
For he is the keeper
The master of this eternity
And I am your lover
Whom you were to spend it with
I raise my head from the pillow
In the moment of truth
Hoping sleep will ease my pain
Knowing it has no remedy
Because I can’t let go of you
Even now you haunt me
Jump up and release her
And I will
Because you were not man enough to
You jumped up and catch her
And he wont he left her here to die
With hate in her belly
He could never care for a child
Cause he hates the heart under his ribs
And he told me so
Smothered in the light of life
Struggling to be free
And I ran to catch her soul like her shadow
And left her behind to die
And she will before me
I knew him before he was stained with your breath
Corruption of decay
You died inside me
Capture that girl
Who is dieing to be me
Vanished in you
A death yours
I wish I knew the outcome of our lives,
it appears that being apart is the only answer to our crimes.
Why do things have to be like this?
Conflict between us resolved with just a kiss.
Only too late trying to figure ourselves out,
wanting to talk, not scream and shout.
I just want to come home and know that you love me,
an unconditional status where we don't beg and plea.
It's never too late to have a change of heart,
an ultimatum to have a fresh start.
Not as dangerous not as painful,
a status to be eternally grateful.
Love does not remember mistakes from the past,
I know I made them never wanting them to last.
The agony of circumstance waking to it everyday,
wishing it would end I can only hope and pray.
Your gaze hindered by the fading of our hearts.
Darkness consoles my soul,
malformed monsters swept into my lofty room.
Remorse all about me.
Anguish dwells where love use to lie,
shrouded by the darkness,
ravished hearts dissolve in tears.
Sweet fervors no longer abound us.
Anxiety cruel that it is,
attacks my morbid soul.
My love that is dead reeks stale,
encompasses my aching head.
Torment fills the air,
memories yet to share.
Melted by emotion lost,
caresses envelop my heart broken.
Darkness takes over moist rays of the sun,
profoundly empty solitude,
alone with memories of you,
dwelling in my ill-starred head.
Melancholy waltz lulled by subtle idleness,
harmony's confidential tone,
flung into a sea of amber.
Grandeur swept from swaths of my life,
corrupt agility aspire,
unique sweetness melted away.
Cruel life sleeps,
Do you really care that I am hurting?
Emotions that you try to hide by averting.
I wish I could believe that you care,
if I say anything regarding us, you take it as a dare.
Taking your verbal bashings as if they were serene,
something I unintentionally did to you, acting mean.
We used to ask each other with humor "who's a thug"?
acting it out as if we were taking drugs.
I never understood until it was too late,
the clairvoyant damage I was causing, spawning such hate.
Guess you can't love me like a wife should,
standing alone feeling misunderstood.
I'm sure you feel as I do to some degree,
scared to communicate your feelings, living like a banshee.
Love and understanding is all I ever thought I gave you,
endured yet challenged by a different point of view.
What is a soul without
arms to hold?
What is wings without
angels to fold the
true meaning of life
that is born and told?
All wombs are silent and
there is no voice for
sleeping when the eyes
hold vision to the world
you have to wonder how
far is Heaven and what
is life's road?
Heavy minds think alike.
We have to bond to the
grieving for we love Steve
so much we just can't help
but believing he left something
behind for all of us to see
that animals are beautiful.
Steve's beautiful children
and a loving wife he left
something to us all a gift
nobody else could give.
Who would pick up a snake
or wrestle with a crocodile
I see no other but
a heart like Steve thank you
for the journey you gave a lot
Now that you are gone to Heaven
I feel closer to you then ever before
your soul is shining bright by God's heavenly shore.
You had a heart that would cover the world
I can feel this in your spirit
you are resting peacefully with the Lord.
(Thank you Steve Irwin for loving the animals and showing your true love to the
world. Hello up there I know you are listening.)
Awakened by a chilling voice,
the surreal begins.
and splattered blood
draining from Connie.
It seems she passed
her life on to me,
its my ghost,
made not of shame or guilt,
but of love and friendship.
Her life is mine penned in ink,
like the blood flowing
that awful night.
The victim of Domestic Violence
not fate, not God, but Man,
her man who is not a man anymore.
Sorrow is my weapon, my ink forever.
When I Die
Let the angels sing
Let the sunshine turn into rain
When I Die
Don't shed a tear
I shall be in the
When I Die
Meet me there
Its the beautiful place
that you'll see called Heaven
When I Die
Nothing will do me no harm
The bad days are gone by
No more weeping eyes
No more mistakes
No more going through
the pain that ache me
When I Die
God has set my soul free
Now I am free
My life will never be the same
my soul had gotten weak, wasn't able to move
When I Die
Now I will be able to live the perfect life
I always wanted to live
Now here is the peace
for me where I lay my weaken body
When I Die
My eyes will be close
But never forgetting who I was
Where I came from
Never forgetting the loved ones
Family, friends, and enemies
No matter who you were
I still loved you
Nver forgetting who you are
When I Die
As each day passes by
surely I'll miss you
Maybe you'll miss me too
Don't always come teary eyed
Remember who you are
And the special things that God will have for you
When I Die
Now I will become a beautiful angel
Pray for you above
each and everyday
When I Die
I will be waiting on you
In that special place above
where its called Heaven
When I Die
When I Die
Waking up feeling so sad and alone
Tears streaming down my cheeks
My heart aching from the pain
Missing the life we shared
Wondering why God called you home so soon
He only gave us five years together
In that time I experienced the greatest love i've ever known
I miss you immensely
Life is so empty without you
My nights are long and lonely
Days don't feel any brighter
Why did you have to die?
Waiting for God to call me home
So we can be together again
That's when the sadness and pain will end
Then happiness will return once again
She could feel it in her bones.
Chills promising her she would
would never be alone.
I cried the night he left, he
just went away leaving me with
a scar of sweet memories. I held
him dear to me he was the only one
who I had led to my heart and opened
He didn't deserve it, oh no he didn't
But he was the one she loved and as the
tears dropped she turned to stone.
We pass each other almost every day,
it's not in a hallway, a room or at home.
On our way to work, on different sides of the road we are,
I'm going south, you're going north and vice versa.
Yet we cannot utter a single word or care to acknlowlege each other,
Ignoring our hearts hunger for true love and understanding.
There are so many things I wish to tell you because I love you,
and I wish that you would understand.
Consumed in our own misery and remain incoherent to empathy,
I guess we will remain empty.
Filled with self created drama, express only rejection,
towards those who love us the most.
Is there any resolve?
The breath deep provides no alleviation
of this painful thought of loss.
Oh Relievo my presious!
Oh Relievo my love!
If only to briefly hear my lamentations
and witness how it fails my pleading heart begging your recovery.
Carry me off, away, I must not know this sensation.
My mind, my limbs, my spirit, and where they abide desire no words,
but only from the familiar lost.
Depart not you, but pain!
Please wake me from this dream!
This dream is horror.
If not such, put me there!
Quickly I charge the cause.
This absense, this longing, this lacking does'nt pause.
Memories do not hold me well.
You are in heaven now.
But I, I am in Hell
Can you see me?
I'm here on the floor
Covered in blood and dirt
Heartbreak and hurt
Can't you see me?
Can't you see me?
Can you hear me?
I call out your name
Between outburst of pain
Can't you hear me?
Can't you hear me?
Can you feel me?
I've held onto your hand
Mine filled with tears that have land
Can't you feel me?
Oh why can't you feel me?
Stop! Stop! Please don't leave
I reach out and grab onto your sleeve
You cannot will not leave me here to die
I try to stand but OH, to high
I'm falling! Help me, help me, please!
Violently I crash upon my knees
Softly I begin to cry
And slowly, slowly, slowly, I die
You could not see
You could not hear
You could not feel
You could not care
Never lost a loved one before
They tell you to move on
When they don't even know your pain
Emptiness is what I have inside
Why must this happen to me
I can't live like this
But I chose not to give up
Without my loved one
Without my soul mate
The nights are lonely
But I will be ok
I must be strong
In time my pain will fade
But now I must deal with it
Can't say goodbye so fast
Must take it slow
Our love for each other will always remain
You told me you’d be here.
You said you wouldn’t leave.
You had me at hello,
You stole my heart.
You told me everything would be ok.
I heard you tell me how nice I was.
I yearn for your sweet voice.
It echoes through my heart and soul.
I’ve told you nothing but the truth.
The feeling of betrayal consumes me.
The sadness has come again.
This pain is all too real.
The way it runs up my spine,
Lurking its way through my whole body.
I feel nothing, not the knife at my throat
Nor the pain of being alone.
Life shouldn’t end for the happiness
I once had keeps me going.
You still possess my heart.
I think that giving up would
Be the biggest mistake.
If I stop trying now I will lose
My heart forever, for you will
Walk away holding my heart prisoner.
Your face haunts my dreams.
Your beauty dances in my thoughts.
You won’t become just another memory.
Your image is being carved into my soul.
My arms drip red liquid.
This can’t be real,
I’ve lost all feeling.
Without my heart I am
Just another empty soul.
I hear a voice calling out my name.
I start to fall forward into the red pool
Of liquid that poured out my arms from
My self-inflicted cuts,
My vision becomes blurred.
I hear that voice as it comes closer.
I look up and see a beautiful silhouette running towards me.
This strange silhouette holds me.
I start to feel the pain I’ve caused.
I see your gorgeous face and I smile
As you tell me once again, you’re here for me,
That everything will be ok.
I smile for you came back.
You still hold my heart in your hands.
You give me hope….
From the moment I knew you were on your way, I dreamt of you every night and
I dreamt of who you would look like, your daddy or me, we imagined how much
happiness you would bring.
9 months later there you were "Mamma's smiling baby" and "Daddy's big boy"
Everyone who held you said you brought them so much joy.
You had such a personality, bringing a smile to every face,
you brought a happiness to everyone that could never be replaced.
You are loved by so many and are missed by even more
The urge to hold and kiss you is the greatest I've felt before!
But I know the angels are holding you know, so strong I will be...
Until the day I see you in Heaven and hold you close to me!
I love you Landen and we will never be apart,
because your precious little smile left such a big imprint on my Heart!
Stabbing vitals with words is your pleasure
got me listening to music, the cure
so ill take robert smith's advice
'Cut Here' and 'Boys Dont Cry'.
'Pictures Of You' will wipe from my mind
ill 'Closedown' and sing this 'Love Song' tonight
'Strange Attraction', an infatuation
a combination of a 'pornographic' mind.
red tank is darkening slowly
'Saturday Night' never felt this lonely
my skin will 'Burn' in this blood tub tonight
do what it takes to get you out of my sight
and here will lie, this 'Bloodflower' of mine
a momento of my psychotic mind
i will ly remembering what used to be
all is lost, my mind is free.
'The Last Day of Summer' is the loneliest time
seeing blood has never felt this fine
its 'Just Like Heaven' some might say
So here is my song, today is my lucky day.
Since the day that you died
Many tears I have cried
Enough to fill all the oceans
Unable to control my emotions
My heart being broken in two
With the loss of you
This is the greatest pain I ever had to endure
From this dreadful pain I see no cure
Life now seems so bleak
Grief has left me weak
Emptiness invading my soul
Never again will I feel whole
From my feelings I cannot flee
As the world goes on without me
Pain within me is here to stay
That's the way it's been since that day
Happiness for me is no more
A life of emptiness is what's in store
How do I go on each new day
When you must be so far away
When I think about the love that she has given me, it makes me think of how one
could love so deeply, how could one have a love so pure. I love this women for
just who she was, she has left me gifts that I cherish, she has been my
inspiration, my best friend, my mother.
When she called daughter, I listened with my ears, but her words went depper
than the ears could hear. Now that your gone, I can truly hear those words, those
scriptures that wer given that my heart has hidden within. The signs you gave I
can now see, thank God I am no longer blinded to what you always could see.
I miss you so much, but I know the only way for me to see you again is to live my
life according to God's will. I thank God for allowing me to know someone as
great as you, to be in your presence was not by chance but predistined to what
soon lies ahead. I can't stop thinking about all that we been through and how I
met you. I can't stop remembering how much I love you.
I cry not because your not with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I cry because I
miss you here on earth. I feel like a piece of me is gone, I feel like no one will
ever understand the depth of our relationship or our love, I love you so very
much. I wish that I could have been there with you to see you go home to glory.
I am hurt but I know that God has my back in everything I do. I promise you I will
always put God first in all that I do. I pray that when your watching over us, you will
smile and continue to pray for us. Your love is very much undescribable, but
when I think again it's nothing but that Agape love! The same love that Jesus has
for me. I love you Willie, and I going to press on Mommy until God calls me
My life has reached a fork in the road,
going at somewhat of a good clip now it has slowed.
I can either dwell on the one I love or decide to move on,
never being a quitter, even though the one I love is truly gone.
Gone from my life and out of reach,
the one who I fell in love with on the beach.
I'm stuck, torn between a decision of anguish,
sometimes I wish my desire for her would just languish.
Where is this long road going to take me?
Can the both of us clean up life's debris?
I'm stuck at that fork in the road my love for you I decree,
either choose a path or turn around and flee...
Although I live here,
it seems like hell here.
No one to wake me in the morning,
I must face the day in mourning.
The love of my life is gone,
wondering where we went wrong.
Is it forever? I always ask myself,
For I love you and no one else.
Each second of every day,
I want to break down and pray,
That the almighty will hear me,
And you will not desert me.
I'm homesick in my own home,
because I am all alone.
I know for the most part I'm at fault,
Trying to open my heart, an impenetrable vault.
To tell you my thoughts day by day,
Hoping I can hold you forever someday.
I have searched for an answer,
To heal my tortured soul.
I have looked in all directions,
For something to make me whole.
All I have found,
Is new meaning to my pain.
Nothing can save me now,
My life is full of rain.
I beg the forgiveness,
Of all those I have wronged.
I do not mean to hurt you,
Thus I cannot go on.
There is no need to hinder me,
My mind ahs been set.
I will leave this world alone,
And I leave with no regrets.
I see my fate now,
The one I never new.
I was put here to suffer,
But I will not bring this pain to you.
I cant stay here forever,
Now has come my time.
To keep you safe from my pain,
I must surely die.
I'm past the point of saving now,
My actions have been to swift.
Just as I hear I love you,
I fall into the abyss.
I asked my daughter if she's happy that I'm gone,
her reply was "I'm sad daddy", her face, a picture not to be drawn.
How do I reply to something like that?
Torn between the one I love and my self created combat.
Are you really at peace without me?
like I can't even talk to you, feeling the third degree.
I don't have it together so please don't assume,
waking up every morning feeling impending doom.
Reaching a critical point in my life where I wanted to end it all,
I cried for help, the reaction from the one I love, I can always recall.
The whole thing thought to get attention,
adding to my frightening tension.
A deluded idea spawned,
the failure of commitment dawned.
Surrounded by drug addicts, alcoholics and the major depressed,
after seeing such things, I realized that I am blessed.
Would you be happier if suicide was my answer?
Or are you satisfied I'm alive with my soul suffering cancer?
A anguish that I truly feel can be cured,
from the love you once had for me, a love that seemed to endure.
Don't weep for me, I'm still here with you.
I'm in the air that you breathe,and in the wind that blows your hair.
I'll be in that first ray of sunshine that wakes you up,and in that last lingering
light of the moon and stars.
Don't weep for me,I'm going home.
I know your hurting, I can hear your soul crying, but calm yourself and remember,
the next time you feel the wind on your face,see a rainbow, sit and watch
the sunset,or even see shooting star,it's me,sending you my love.
And until we meet again,I'll keep your love with me for infinity.
Don't weep for me, I'm home again.
To my child who never was,
I swear I fought for you,
but I could not bring you forth alone
perhaps it is best that you
will continue to breathe in the void
and never taste the pain
of this violent earth
Mother Earth sits and cries
Crying for what,I can tell.
Weeps for the present wars going on
Weeps for the dying children
Which she cannot save.
Oh Mother Earth,clean your tears
For I am here to comfort you.
I lay in his arms
sleep but aware of his presence
I dream of blue oceans
I dream of blue seas
each warm kiss I feel from him
the water becomes wetter in my dreams
I dream of a shipwreck
we're deserted out at sea
so I sing of my love for him in the sweetest melody
and I sing of my love for him hoping he'll swim along
I sing of my love for him as he slowly becomes the sea
the love I sing for him carries on through decades eternally
now I sing to collect souls
I cursed the sea to stir the waters and wreck the sailors boats
I sing of my love for him in the sweetest melody
to lure in and claim the lives as sacrifices
for my love I lost at sea
To lie here...
In the quiet of the night
All I can hear
What you do...
In the quiet of the night
Breathing your scent
The quiet of the night
Sleeping with you...
The curve of your back
Smell of your hair...
In the quiet of the night
My heart, laid bare
Feeling you there
In the quiet of the night
Where I want to be,
until dawn light
Cry a tear drops down my eye as I see the pain you were in, You were my father it
seemed like you were my only friend.
This cannot be real, I wanted so bad for you to heal to be the same person that you
used to be but all i'd ever have was painful memories.
I wanted you here for my wedding for my first child, I wanted you here for everything
for things father's live for.
Now all I can see is the care free life that is put in front of me, My mother is more
like a sister than anything she knows What's best but not like a father would.
I can come home late and she won't suspect a thing, maybe I need a father to put down
that hard cold disapline.
I cry whenever I think about not having someone in my life to hold me down, To keep
me warm, to warn me.
Life is filled with hardships I thought you'd always be there to protect me. Always be
there to hug me.
Cancer took you away so slowly but when you were gone it seemed like just a second. I
wanted you close, I wanted to always be daddy's little girl but nothing worked out the
way I planned it.
I cried, my eyes out now they are dry but they will never heal. The scars from tears
have damage them for life.
I will cry at my graduation, I will cry at my wedding, I will cry at each special
event and just image you there holding a camera.
Capture it daddy I will smile and say ill picture you handing me a tissue because you
never left me sad for long.
Cry I think i'm over that, But remember you'll always be in my heart.
How could it be?
Why did you run from me?
I felt dead.
I just couldn't understand.
I am drowning in the sea.
Forever until I find thee.
Though I am lying in this bed.
It will only be memories that rest my head.
My pain refuses to seize.
Until I feel your skin destroy your disease.
Will this pain ever ease
Or is grief a disease
That slowly devours my heart
Thoughts of you always in my head
How can you really be dead
Knowing how much I still love you
Your life on earth was cut short
Leaving me without your emotional support
My life now forever changed
How can this really be
You are no longer with me
I thought we would be together always
I miss you with all my heart
It has been that way from the start
I'm looking forward to being reunited in death
When our souls once again reunite
I will scream with such delight
We then will be together for eternity
As time goes by the pain eases
But the sadness remains
My heart empty of love it once felt
As time goes by loneliness fills my days
Wishing to be with you once again
Missing the closeness we shared
As time goes by death has distanced us in the flesh
It will never seperate you from my heart
You will forever live in my memories
As time goes by my love for you will never diminish
You were my soulmate, best friend and husband
We will be together once again for it is our destiny
Do you feel lonely and blue? Do you feel that nobody loves you and cares or
thinks of you. Is you mind with emptiness and sadness? Are you filled with
troubles that you can't understand? When you are with these thoughts is it with
much despair or do you wish you could turn back the time and wished you could
of done something different as the time is passing? Are you true to your feelings
and say what is on your mind. Or do you keep it all bottled up inside what is
stopping you is it pride. Do you tell someone what you are feeling and be true to
yourself and take that chance to tell someone you are hurting inside. Do you feel
the pain will go away you need to bow down your head and pray and take that
chanced today. Don't wait too late cry if you will listen to that small voice but to
listen you must be still .You may be surprised at how it will turn out. You may
help someone else who is hurting too. Take that chance and Find someone you
can count on before it is too late. They will tell you if you must let go of the pain to
scream and shout with all your might and tell you that you need to do what is
right. You have more too gain then more to lose it is you life you can do as you
chose. They may need you too so don't wait to long to say what your thinking
because they may be sad and blue too. You don't have to feel you are alone with
these thoughts there are a lot of men and women who from time to time feel the
same and have had sadness and shame and despair and felt their life is
crumbling too. You are not alone don’t feel you are in their way so don't hold back
for they may feel the same way and tell you to stay and not go away. You may try
and get outside of yourself and you may be surprised of what they will say then
you can forget about your own troubles that have been going your way .So when
they share their feeling with you then you can ask this question that has been
haunting you. Do you feel lonely and blue.
Though you may be sad loosing a loved one..
You weren't there When God lost his only son..
You may think you have many a debtor...
You weren't there when Jesus was betrayed with thirty pieces of silver...
Though you may be weary and laden with despair..
You didn't witness when they tormented him and didn't care...
Although you may be in agony and immense pain..
You weren't there when the Lamb was fatally slain.
You may think that you cannot carry on and life is grim..
You weren't there when they mocked and spit on him..
Although you may have too many worries at hand..
Look down, you weren't there when they put nails in CHRIST'S bleeding hands.
Although you think you have been badly scorned...
You weren't there when they forced on his head, a crown of thorns..
Though you may feel that everything in your life is going wayside.
You weren't there to feel the sword that pierced HIS bleeding side.
Though you may think that you really don't want to live.
Christ loved us enough to die on the cross, and he will forgive.
Tears flow as a new day begins
Light of day not removing this veil of darkness
I reach for you as I awake
Your spot beside me lays empty
Anguish of reality causing my heart to ache
Life with you exists no more
Memories are all that is left of the time we shared
Happiness stripped from my life with your death
Days are filled with sorrow forever more
You brought your hands to me held open like little cups.
Your expression like the sunlight,
what I saw were their emptiness...
You grinned explaining that they held your dreams.
I walked outside to the garden with you…
and buried your hand full of dreams in the back yard...
Buried them beneath my dreams, beside my laughter,
which lay next to my undanced songs...
The next day you gave me a cup filled with your tears...
and I poured them into a vase holding the Calla Lilies,
then handed you a handkerchief...
One day you stretched out your arms wanting a hug -
as I walked past...ignoring you.
I was dreadfully ill and you placed your teddy bear
"Promise" next to me for comfort...
I pushed your "Promise" out of sight and onto the floor...
You asked me what was love…
I said that its kept safely in one's heart but I wasn’t sure...
You shouted you would gladly give me your heart...
I looked at you, pulled the covers over my head and died.
Lying alone beneath the earth, your tears, smiles and
hugs buried here too…now keep me company...
No other way to communicate with the one I love,
she dose not want to hear it, something she is sick of.
The sound of my voice, the words that I type,
Do they make any difference in the status of our strife?
I know some times were rough and I wish I had control,
not just of our lives but the direction of my soul.
Is living in fear of what you might become worth all that strength?
Something I'm trying to convince you otherwise at great lengths.
Caring for someone is much different than love,
being cared for, in the back of your mind I can be shoved.
Don't think that you're the only one who feels as if they've wasted their time,
we both tried to change each other for what we thought was for the better even if it was
Having high hopes for us before I left, I guess I was only fooling myself,
now that proof of us existing together is taken off the walls and shelves.
I can't say I'm sorry enough for what I've done,
thinking in my sad state that all answers are at the end of a gun.
Responsible for destroying a family and a soul mate,
I can only expect to be received with such hate.
Hate not for what I've done but for what I am trying to accomplish,
trying to earn and keep the love you once had for me with a promise.
This is how life is for now being paralyzed,
no joy, no future, only demise.
Dedicated to Papa (1947-2004)
All I can say right now is wow
It has indeed been too long
I never really listened to the radio
Until I hear that one song.
It takes me back so many years
To when I was just three
When we were riding in the truck together
You sang to me like I was a baby.
It takes me back to those years on the lake
When I caught my first fish
We took it home to Grandma for a surprise
For that day, I longingly wish.
It takes me back to my earliest memory
of you and me watching T.V.
Grandma Miriam was there as well
So I must have been just a baby.
It takes me back to when Grandma died
And you married Jessica instead
I began calling her Grandma as well
And I brought her the fish that was dead.
It takes me back to that summer
When I fell off the golf cart
You told me that seeing me cry
Was truly breaking your heart.
It takes me back to hearing you sing
For the last time in 2005
It was Alan Jackson then, too
Just a little before you died.
It takes me back to that day
When you weren't doing so well
We went to see you in the hospital
That visit made my heart swell.
It takes me back to that day
When I got off the bus
Nana was there and she told me
That you were no longer with us.
It takes me back to just a week ago
When I heard Alan Jackson's song
And, for the first time in two whole years,
I actually sang along.
True, my tears were running
But I knew that the crying would help
'Cause I could feel you singing along with me.
Tears of sorrow flow from my eyes
Wondering why you had to die
I was so happy to be your wife
Wanting to be with you for the rest of my life
Now i'm alone and won't ever be the same
For this, death is to blame
I long for the tenderness of your touch
One more day with you is that asking for too much
Feeling your arms around me holding me tight
I need you here with me for just one more night
I love you more than words can say
Your the one who brought joy to my day
Life without you is what I must learn
When a life with you is what I yearn
As my heart breaks from the pain
My memories are all that remain
no longer do the hours keep; the minutes pass me by. it's as if when you left all
of time time conceded to fly. your name i hear screaming come from my voice.
my prayer; please god no! was my only choice. you passed as softly as a setting
sun, and in the end, baby girl, immortality you have one. so it is with deep regrets
we will remember you here and yet with hints of happiness knowing one day we
will be there. heaven was your home from the start you see; so sit apon your
father's knee and sing praises all day long; for in our hearts we will forever play
The light turns yellow and the mother hauls on the brakes,
the truck behind her tried but it was already too late
the little girl is knocked unconscious the ambulance soon arrives
the mother has minor bruises but the child is listed in critical
and the bedside vigil begins
Alejandra, my baby, please get better for I need you with me
her angels are hovering over waiting on the word that is yet to be
tears seep through the mother's eyes whispering
Alejandra, darling, how could this be
one moment we're together and now I pray I'll have another chance
to say how much I love you
Twenty-four hours went by when Alejandra passed in the night
she looked just like an angle so sweet in the light
How will I ever live with this pain inside of me?
When all I want to do is go and be with my baby
Alejandra, my gift was taken all too soon
and now my baby's in Heaven so brief and all too soon
Clocks ticking as time is a constant,
the end of a year, last three months lament.
I've come to terms with what I've done,
ousted from home and heart with nowhere to run.
It's amazing how total strangers are willing to help you out,
when your mind and heart are going through a drought.
I wish I could undo all that I've done wrong,
must endure this torture, must stay strong.
Please don't hate me for the mistakes I've made,
even though I kept making them, drawn out like a blade.
Clocks ticking as time is a constant,
waiting to face the obvious, something I can't circumvent.
Another day of pain and sorrow
If this is how it's going to be
I don't want no tomorrow
I wake up to a steady stream of tears
Living my greatest fear
A future without you
The depth of my pain
Goes to the core of my existence
My love for you
Must span a great distance
I hold on to the love that we shared
That now only exists in my memories
Life without you is like being dead.
There’s no purpose to get up or to go through the day.
When you’re alone its like just being empty inside, nothing has any meaning. Life
has no reason to go on.
Everybody needs somebody to share everydays.
When the sun comes up it is so much better to share the beauty of the sunrise
When it rains it’s better to stay in bed and share the beauty of the rainfall.
Just everday, the little things are great when you have someone to share them
with. When you are alone it has no meaning because it becomes no fun, just
You feel just empty and without purpose in life- when you are by yourself. We all
need someone- it started since the day we were born to the day we die.
My own world rocked,
My heart so rattled,,
My brain so shocked,
My ego so embattled
I left my wife,
When her heart was exposed
By her unfaithful ways,
The end of my married days...
Back to my parents home...
Within six weeks
My dear mother, she seeks
To leave this world of pain,
My father and I, hearts
torn apart to die
Felt the world's weight
I knew my dad,
So long married glad
Would not survive this hurt
So I hatched a plan,
Clever as I thought I am
To keep us both alive
I created the "Military Club"
Hardly realizing that
it would be the hub,
Of more than I could hope
World War II veterans
My father and two uncles were
And I was a military buff
So we established this group
Hoping our lives to recoup
And it succeeded beyond
my wildest dreams,
Funny, is turned out to be,
Every bit as important as well, to me
Well I declared my father "The Colonel"
A title he held for the last
12 years of his life,
All the family members addressed
him by this name
My Uncles, I designated Majors,
They were Artie and Bob
I was a lowly Lieutenant,
To serve them was my job...
Once every 2 weeks we gathered
To shoot pool, play cards,
And then to eat
Our locations varied on a schedule
that was easy enough to meet
Now this became the life essence,
For these geriatric warriors of old,
And to me as well, though unexpected,
I had somehow struck a vein of gold
My car was the "Stafff Car"
I drove them to pool,
And to have some beer at the bar,
Didn't matter who's turn the
house was that week,
We always had the great fun
That we did seek,
Rosie's idea of 1993
was to make "The Colonel"
a memorial wall plaque,
Dedicated to his bravery
in the face of pool hustlers,
Taproom attendants, and
card sharks, and much, much more
I had never before seen
his eyes light up so proud,
This old man that I so adore
Well, even Generals succumb
And sadly that was his fate
But I'm so proud to have
enriched all of our last years,
My buddy, my military dad,
my father, and my
life's sailing mate.
I want to say I'm sorry,
I'm sick of all the questions,
My heart is tearing in two,
because I miss you,
I'm sorry for what I said,
I hate all these unanswered questions,
that I never told you,
I'm sick of all the lies I spread,
even though none were about you.
I want to say I'm sorry,
I'm missing you so much,
this loss I must now endure,
and as I write this poem,
I write all my feelings down,
I'm not crying,
I never have,
must I must say just one thing,
if I can't say anything else,
I love you,
and always have.
I want to say I'm sorry,
my dearest great-grandma,
how can somebody so young as me,
possibly handle this loss?
I'm only twelve years old,
well, I'm almost thirteen,
but still I'm young not old.
I don't know how to handle this,
I don't know what to do,
I've never cried before in memory,
but that doesn't mean I don't feel sad.
I love you Nana!
Being with you for over 8 years,
has had it's share of smiles and tears.
But now a collision of principle,
and dealing with it is difficult.
Why are we both so stubborn?
From our mistakes we never learn.
A long detour of what lies ahead,
Is there another way to go on with life, instead of being left for dead?
It's hard for me to remember the bad things that have put me on my knees,
out of respect for you I must make my peace.
Can you be honest with yourself and understand how much I love you?
Not perverted by others point of view.
I know I can't make you change your mind or your heart,
just remember it was you who sought me out from the start.
Maybe you saw something in me that was different from everyone else.
Whatever your reasons were then, Do you feel mistaken?
Have these 8 years been a dream from which we've finally waken?
There was a time when my life had definition,
my responsibility to you was lifes only ambition.
I've always felt as if I had to watch my step.
Can you picture yourself at all in my stead?
Both of us biting our tongue to keep the peace,
to avoid conflict with everyone though would never cease.
Did we even have control of anything from the start?
Was it some grand scheme with both of us playing a part?
I honestly think we both carried a subliminal fear,
afraid to face it, yet loose all we hold dear.
This phase in our lives is such torment,
wondering if it's worth it on how it's spent.
My love for you lacks complete understanding of why we're divided,
the direction of my mind and heart I wish was better guided.
Flowers of spring, fields and trees of green
roll like waves at high tide across the pasture
but in time the Moon has turned aside Her face,
and the tide recedes to expose a barren plain.
Now midnight, moonless sky, the roaring of the sea
are my friends on a long and lonely beachwalk
soft sand does sift through my toes, cooling
what fires my heart has kindled in another life
yet one smoldering ember inside still, still refuses to die.
Where is the rain, God, you see the smoke!
Do you know what torture does this evil candle to me,
sheltered from wind by the deadwood of memory!
Oh temporal clouds, you are nothing to the
Immortal sea! Never could you douse a flame that will not yield!
Nay! I shall drown it down within Her, the endless Deep,
though the ship sink with it!
From days before we met,
the struggle lied within us.
Giving it our all,
to fill the emptiness that consumed us.
Over time we lost focus of what it was that brought us together,
work family and pride that made us stubborn, not knowing the cost would last forever.
Not letting go of the struggle within from the past takes it toll,
leaving the both of us to deal with it once more alone.
It takes both of us to make the change from inside our hearts,
If not pointing fingers will shape our thoughts.
Promises were made to be broken but the efforts are there,
they're better than nothing if they get you somewhere.
Life is nothing but a fight a struggle to make ourselves better,
and when it involves your family the results last forever.
I love you more than I can say,
please believe in me as you once did and I you, day by day.
My angel came from heaven.. Though I had to give him back,
Too soon for my liking, for it was out of my hands.
Please let me hold him. I want to brush my lips
against his cheek. . But it was not to be,
as he would be gone in a few short weeks.
He would not die in vain I kept telling myself,
He'd not be forgotten on some dusty shelf.
A child so small can he really make
a difference?.. Oh yes beamed our lord as my
son made his entrance..
I will always grieve for this small son of mine,
proof of these empty arms by my side.
Yes the years have passed but the shattered
dream is still there, I have proof of this each
time I hold his lock of hair.
I know that he gave so that others could live,
Whenever I think of him I try to remember this.
So long my dear son, please don't stray too far.
for if you do, it will surely again break my heart...
My son was born 17 weeks premature on 9/11/1988. He should have never made it out of
the operating room alive let alone survived 26 more days.He weighed 1Lb and was only
11'' long. By the time he died he weighed under a pound. His skin was so translucent that
you could see through his tiny hands.I was so desperate for him to live that I enrolled him
into an experimental study for a drug that would rapidly grow his lung tissue.He ended up
developing pneumonia in his tiny lungs and within 24 hours we realized that we were
prolonging his death not his life. So we ended the life support and cradled him as he
passed. The one and only good thing that came out of this is that the drug was approved,
and today thousands of premmies are alive because of this life saving drug. Here in
St.paul, minnesota at the childrens hospital, there is a tree planted in his honor. The part of
my poem that says he gave so others could live.. well, this is what i meant(the experimental
from the minute you gave your soul
into the safe keeping of Jesus Christ
you went on to lead an upstanding,
productive and blessed life
from the moment you met and married your true love,
your husband Kenneth Reid
you reaped a bountiful harvest
and built a business with God's righteous seed
the enemy came upon you shooting arrows
from every angle and in every way
yet our Father God continued to shield you
and lift you up each and every day
you fought the good fight Debra
and now you can gracefully lay down your sword
for Father God has called you up heaven
to receive your just reward
so today we salute you Debra
for being a soldier in the army of God
and your memory will live on forever
embedded within our hearts
you've been a trooper and a true disciple
until the very end
and our love for you will never die,
Debra Reid Our Sister, Our Friend
They say that you never realize
What you have until it's gone
But I knew what I had until
They had to take your life away
We used to hang out at the park
Talk and play a lot
But now that you are gone
My life has been different
You were my friend, and
You were like a brother to me
What would make someone do
Such an evil thing to you
We played basketball and baseball
And we played tag football
But now that you're gone
Nothing will be the same
While we live in a world of
Cruelty and crime, and deceit
We try to move on in life
Despite our loved ones being taken away
We can never share those moments
And even if you are gone
Nobody can replace the beauty,
the power and the love in you
Would I ever have him?
She weighed with a heavy sigh
Underneath that shadowy brim
Is a pair of benevolent eyes
Eyes full with memories of
A past that remains unspoken
If I were ever to lose his love
My heart would surely be broken
I care not what he did ago
Murder was not his intent
His friends were wasted by evil foes
He was collecting overdue rent
Her auburn eyes blazed with a passion
At the love burning in her heart
She pictured him so dashing
Passionate, generous and smart
His devotion burns for me
Like an eternal flame so true
I must hurry now to thee
Before the moment gone I rue
She brushed out her raven hair
Adjusted her prairie skirt
Breathlessly whispered a silent prayer
And left barefoot in the dirt
Her heart pounded like a drum
At the outcome she was fearing
She told the parson, 'The time has come'
As her eyes were slowly tearing
The parson understood her condition
And proceeded without delay
He respected her volition
To wed her courageous hero today
As they approached his campsite
There was a hush that chilled them both
No kindling lighting up the night
Just a body white as a ghost
Although our hero could barely speak
His vows to her he gallantly uttered
Soon his pulse started to grow weak
And he turned to her and muttered
"My Darling whose beauty enraptures
and Devotion is without fail
The angels have arranged my capture
My ship is ready to sail"
Those auburn eyes shone with a radiant glow
As she took his face in her hands
"I'll love you forever; your legacy I will crow
There will never be another man"
"Although this battle you have not won
In vain you will not die
You've left me with an unborn son
Your sins God will sanctify"
He smiled as his last breath crept
And her bosom he nestled in peace
With dignity, in death he slept
His legacy will never cease
and sea of
beauties dancing in the smile of
morn orb. The
sexy posture of
stands afore, yet, her glow cannot
on my cheeks, nor can solve
of my day
by your absence, my love!
I sit in the back wandering, wandering why we are all here
He was so young, this can't be
They cry has they walk by. There must be some mistake,
he was only three
There are pictures of family and friends, flowers all around
There are on dry eyes, there are none to be found
As it's my turn to walk by, I notice his little shirt, I think of my own
baby and how life's to short
I get home, I kiss my daughter and hold her tight. When I put her to bed
I tell her, "I love you," every single night
Make a night
In deep blackness, falling calling,
I see you holding on to all you have left,
Never again, no never again,
You throw yourself onto the ground and cling
to dewy grass
Like Heaven's Hell sent child
You cry again
And tears fall down your eyes
It's red, ruby, crimson,
the blood of a thousand men
and a thousand more
Staining the skin on your hands
Like the color of the throats you tore
As you come to terms again
He is dead, over, gone
'There's nothing I can do
So I run'
You run from
the child you once knew
you run from your mother and your friends,
you run from him too.
I thought that you loved him so much...
'Like a thousand stars' he lit up your life,
You loved the way he drove you crazy with one simple touch,
Or with his breath on your skin,
You loved him like no one else did
So now that he asks "Where have you been?"
As you stare down at his cold, lifeless grave,
Your fingers trace over the rough grey stone,
Your tears flow free as a wave
you've cried this chamber dry
you trace the letters of his name
Carefully, as if it would break if you try,
Nothing can erase this pain
You left your only one here to lay die
And now your tears fall down like rain
Pouring, falling, like the rain that night,
Black darkness, you find in reverie
You ran up to his window and these same tears blocked your sight,
He lay, your love, he lay dead
On his bedroom floor
A gun in his hand, a bullet in his head,
Was your love not enough to keep him alive?
Now as you sit here on his very grave,
you too lay down and die inside,
'I miss you...I miss you so terribly
I can't believe I let you go,I was there,
But I was gone and blind to see
how much my running hurt you
Everytime I turned my back on my emotion,
Devotion, love, I wish I'd known,
How you felt, what I feared.'
Crawling slowly you press your lips
to this stone
All you have left of him
His new home,
'All I see now, love, is a mirror image of me, for inside,
I'm dying, slowlying, faithfully
without you by my side
I lay down on your gravesight
and I die tonight
Knowing we will meet again
when it finally ends
Goodbye, now, then.'
Captivating and full of life
You were always there
When I needed a helping hand
Or a warm embrace to share
You were vigilant and strong
My anchor in the storm
Watching over and protecting me
Keeping me from harm
But it wouldn’t be forever
You would soon be gone
No longer rich or resilient
Only somber and withdrawn
Now my guardian angel
You watch over from above
Ensuring that I’m shielded
And still surrounding me with love
What is this thing called Love?
Does it fall from heaven above?
To burrow in an unsuspecting heart.
Making the owner awake with a start.
New feelings of warmth filled my whole being.
Sanity gave way to a whole new seeing.
Suddenly the sun shone brighter,
even my steps somehow became lighter.
Roses bloom everywhere I look,
I felt that I could write a book,
to tell the world of this wonderful feeling
that had suddenly sent me reeling.
Arms once used to wash and dress,
Are better used to warm caress.
Heartbeat changed to a flutter,
And speech became a nervous stutter.
The longing for the next meeting,
The warm loving kiss received in greeting,
Is it just a Chemical reaction?
caused by lonely people seeking mutual attraction.
Or is this an eternal flame?
This warm loving feeling to always remain.
I wish it were true that forever I would be with you.
But you are gone, and I must carry on.
My heavy heart will never know,
why God chose you, when I loved you so.
As I hold our two babies to my breast.
I wonder why God always chose the best.
Going to the beach, staring at the sea,
sitting on the shore, thoughts of us three.
My daughter playing on the floor,
reading books to her, asking for more.
Cooking on the grill for me was such a thrill,
all the while the fabric of our lives loosing it's
Words and actions exchanged with regret,
the outcome of pieces in motion with the board set.
Loosing our minds, not having control,
Fronting our pride, digging a deeper hole.
As for me I can never say I'm sorry enough,
Standing by while our love turned to rust.
What we had before is gone but not lost,
Sacrificing all that I am now and forever, for you no
matter what the cost....
…And there’s a naked lady
On a rocky shoreline, I see
Her beauty, a pinkish smile
As I, the lover, pass her by
The jolly rhythm of the sea
Has a great resounding plea
The rain will not fall today
Though, the sky’s real gray
Sweet laughter in the wind
Hers touches my worn skin
I plead thee, O careless tare
O let you not disrespect her
For she, truly, reminds me
Of my ever dearest fantasy
Every time her beauty I see
Whilst I drink my morn tea
I walk about wondering if I’ll be seen let alone heard,
my life as if it were over not uttering a single word.
Uncertainty clouds my mind of things to come
knowing that the past cannot be undone.
Why do I feel this way? No one I know can say,
all I’ve ever done if mess things up throughout the day.
Is it too late for forgiveness, is it too late to be loved?
existing In the ground I’m better off shoved.
I don’t know what to do, what to say or where to go,
In the midst of the one’s I love, yet feel so alone.
Like a ghost trying to redeem their damnation,
a desire of hope in stagnation.
Yet something drives them to be understood,
although dead in peoples minds and hearts they’ll stand where they’ve never
In the line of fire, at the fear and hatred of all,
their love to exist is the greatest of cause.
Life is so unfair
It took you from me without care
A moment in time is all we had
Now i'm left alone feeling sad
Our time together was so brief
Now i'm left with all this grief
Life is so unfair
The future we will not share
My love for you will forever last
As long as I hold onto memories of our past
The love we shared was so intense
Pain I feel is so immense
Life is so unfair
I'm left feeling such despair
Never to be held by you again
This causing my heart to break from pain
To touch you again would be so bliss
Just wanting to give you one last kiss
Life is so unfair........
Live the rest of your life in apprehension and you're already dead,
What's the point of going on with thoughts of fear and dread?
Seems like that's the way most of us live,
always ready to take rather than give.
If you're so strong then why do you give up?
I shouldn't be the one to blame when times got tough.
And what of our child? So innocent to give love in return.
Will she learn from her mother? And let the hate burn.
You're not the only one who wants the best for us three,
saying you can't give me what I need when I plea.
I wonder if you're able to give love to anyone,
so quick to throw me out and tell me you're done.
Longing to talk, try and comfort you,
all I do is make you mad, perceptions so askewed.
I'm at a loss for words as time goes on,
dying a slow death from dusk till dawn.
Many people will leave great impressions on your life
Though you may be oblivious until it’s too late
And when after so long you finally conceive
Fate may have already taken it’s place
Never before did I consider his teachings
Never realized how much his words inspired me
Until the day he took his life
And set his longing soul free
He was a minister who could be matched by no other
But in life he felt he would never succeed
Now he’s looking down from heaven
Realizing that in fact his standards he exceeded
Though he is no longer my minister here on Earth
And teachings from him I’ll receive no more
No longer will I take his morals for granted
But use them to prepare for what life has in store
Ode to the time we spend,
My hearts ready to move on,
and nothing makes sense
We boast of being free,
We lack when tied down,
Our influences degrade us,
And I finally found.
The reason no less,
To my way of being,
In the course of thoughts and
Romances, mine eyes are now seeing.
The precious times steady,
Yet balanced with fear,
To be mixed up with another,
And another year by year.
What comes of that?
Where has trust gone?
Who is my soul mate?
What did I do wrong?
Answers are none,
What has now happened?
And finally what went wrong?
When you were with me
I felt some what secure,
But now by myself,
I am so unsure.
The warmth in your arms,
The unfaithful mind you did hold,
I turned the other cheek,
You played with my soul.
The good time left,
The bad times stayed,
And then I went away.
But I could still remember,
you by my side.
The loving things you promised,
And the thrill of my life.
Now all that is left is afterthoughts,
I dream of our good times,
but move on without you.
HUG ME FAR
YOU OPENED UP WITHOUT A RING
SCRATCHED MY BACK AND SAID I DID MY THING
YOUR KEYS HIT MY HAND BEFORE I LOVE YOU HIT MY LIPS
MY FINGERS CARESSED YOUR BODY AND LIPS
HUG ME FAR
YOU PAINTED THE FUTURE WITH YOUR BRUSH
WHEN THINGS WEREN’T GOING IT WAS A RUSH
BRAKE PEDALS WERE APPLIED
FINAL LINE, YOU LIED
HUG ME FAR
The arrow I see every day
Pointing me along my way
As I walk and sing and pray
North to fire’s Ice temptation
For as I think of little good
Wondering if I could, I should
Thinking still of little nice
Taking chances with weighted dice
Moving forward once, yet backwards twice
Towards ill made joy and elation
Immature in action, voice, and pencil
Run on logs and so much kindle
As innocent leaves pay ultimate price
Just fly to fall and end the play
Amidst the concentration
The truth is lost in tickle
But somehow left ok
As minerals of Ice decay
In truthful concentration
For ever lasting
I'll one day reunite
with you from above
Your beautiful soul
floating' in the sky
which the day you
Send me a sign,
signal that you are
happy and okay
For thy love I pray
Gone and never to
come back into
my waiting arms
Where you once belonged
I must not stay
without thy love
Go to he my heart
For the reason I
leave this world of
taking my own life--
I must stay
Wait for me my love
we'll be reunited someday
if G'd wills
Time draws near for surgery,
something that was never taken with great urgency.
Two years of pain day in and day out,
some days I just wanted to scream and shout.
Endless pills of anti-inflammitories and narcotics,
added with depression is enough to make you psychotic.
Frustration of dealing with constant suffering in everyday life,
longing every day to go under the knife.
Carrying on with my mind and body numbed by medication,
all the while destroying my marriage and corrupting my dedication.
How am I to think rationally feeling like this?
Feeling like I'm trapped in a abyss.
Agony is subjective in mind and body,
believe me when I tell you this is no hobby.
Will you ever understand my vexation?
Trying to walk with a wretched sensation.
The clock is ticking towards operation,
the outcome of which I hope is salvation.
I miss my father everyday,
He is no longer there...
I miss him dearly,
Somedays too hard to bear...
When I envision him at the table,
Or playing his mouth harp,
An instrument on which he was,
Oh so very sharp...
Still flow through cracked windows,
of 100 years ago...
Memories of family gatherings,
No more shall I ever know..
I grow old and frail and wonder,
When will it be my time to go...
Oh, if miracles God could grant,
Based on necessity,
He'd have me No. 1, first on line,
From the need only he and I could see
The last vibrations,
Of his final vocalizations,
Still within my heart,
Will linger until I utter mine,
And at last I, as well, do depart...
One last hurrah,
One last sweet afternoon,
Having a beer on the porch together,
Listning to Glenn Miller,
Or perhaps one of the Dorseys,
Enjoying just being alive together,
Oh, all the things he taught me,
Family love hard as steel,
Now breaks my heart,
You likely know how I feel
Treasured hours on our porch,
Hearing "American Standards Radio"
Or watching the Yankees, or the Mets,
Just about as sweet as life gets...
The need to converse optional,
We've already shared our own secret beliefs,
Our feelings slowly peeling from our souls,
So there, no words need we share,
Just so glad each is there...
Flying amongst the trade winds,
So pregnant with emotion,
A sense of finality,
Of our love and deep devotion...
People who are no more,
In a place no longer there,
Echoes of time,
And words we did once share...
Something is flying about.....
Blood splattered walls,
The death of loved ones tearing your life apart,
The evidence of hopelessness escaped through the heart.
We always tell ourselves that it will never happen to us,
Blinded by the hopes and dreams,
When you find out all that’s left is sobs and screams.
Hold on for as long as possible,
Try to taste the last bit of fresh air you can get.
Say goodbye to the sunsets,
For you will never see them again.
One who was caged down is finally free,
Your soul flies high over the horizon.
The agony you feel finally stopped,
Glad to know you’re in a better place.
Death is more then just one big tragedy,
I guess it’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there.
The ones who can see the beauty in death are the ones who wish for it every day,
The ones who love it are the ones who always seem to lose it.
The innocent eyes of curiosity,
As she sees the stars for the first time.
The peak of life as it all comes crashing down,
The sleepless nights and lonely stares.
Wishing they would come back for even a moment,
To share the wonders of the afterlife.
After death life seems so much more precious,
No more being chained down by worry,
Let the ones you love reach all they want to be,
Life is always such an interesting story.
Even though you have your doubts,
sometimes we feel we have to shout.
About the mistakes we’ve made in the past,
hoping the forgiveness this time will last.
I know you’re tired and worn thin,
trying to prove myself to you a new begin.
I remember a book of poems for my birthday,
poems I wrote on my light and darkest days.
I remember going to the water park,
and even though afraid I was by your side.
I remember coming back from Iraq and you holding me in your arms,
feeling safe with you in our home from harm.
The mistakes I’ve made I wish to forget,
and I know you do to without any regret.
I know that I have changed just not enough,
please be patient with me I know it seems tough.
I need you so much that I can’t live without you,
I miss you, your husband misses you
The times I will forever remember, are the ones I spent with my Grandmother,
she was my light in the darkness, creating warmth from the cold night
emptiness... Her spirit she imprinted upon my soul, she always saw a diamond
where others saw only coal... She created a safe place with fun loving care, for
just the two of us to share....her cooking I still smell, making me hungry but sad
as well.... Her patience with me when I was bad, never seemed to give way to her
being mad... She gave me gifts that I was unaware, such as love, kindness and
how to share... Her quiet guidance and easy talks , the sound of her footsteps
when we went for walks, looking back at the impression she made, I can find no
words to describe all that she gave... The empty void left by her love can only be
healed by our Lord above... I say goodbye, feeling my heart break, for there is no
other that can take her place... I have to smile even as the tears fall, for in my
eyes, she was 10 feet tall... I look toward the sky, I can't help but wonder why, it
hurts so much to say goodbye...My Grandmother, my friend, my childhood
playmate, My Light in the Darkness has gone away, but I will remember and love
her forever and a day.............
Go With God For You Have Earned It.......
All My Love Grandma Allen, Vickie
A bit further over the hills
I ask you to carry me
Never shall we perish
So please bury me
Onward, no boundaries
The sin that I lead
I shall ask no more
Just past those hills
I will have you carry me
As those whom tear for me, will
in loving memory of Norbert Terrio, we miss you..
Life takes it's toll,
yet time pushes on...
You don't understand
the things that you know.
Deny the reality,
the pain is too deep,
Things would be easier
if you could just go to sleep.
But sleep isn't easy,
you want love to stay.
Afraid to close your eyes
lest life slip away...
seems the hardest part.
The simple acceptance
tears you apart.
The suffering is great,
the pain is unreal,
So you try to hide
the hurt that you feel.
This kind gentle soul,
the love you adore,
Lies quietly awaiting
the opening of the door.
Beyond is such joy,
solitude and peace..
Your love is still waiting
for your gentle release.
You know it's time,
the tears fill your eyes,
Tenderly you hold love,
and bid him goodbye...
Hands go numb and then freeze,
my heart is racing, it's hard for me to breathe.
Thoughts and memories racing thru my head,
driving me to madness, I feel like death.
Trying so hard for you to see the sincerity of my
hoping, only hoping that things between us don't
I know it's love, there can be no other answer.
Where will it take me?
When will it matter?
I dream of holding you in my arms and I hope they come
true, this heartache of mine will always be for you.
To know who you are, instead of being told what you are
to look and say whatever it is that you believe is true, near and afar.
Loosing control of all that is called home
people from the outside wanting you to be alone.
Sure they might be friends and family,
but if they take it away the results are always tragedy.
Looking for your old self will never happen if you always bring up the past
you say you don't hold grudges but I wonder if it's all just an act.
Not wanting to hate is a good thing,
but fight or flight, it always costs something.
Weather it's running or leaving the damage is always done,
Loosing your inner being, living your life numb.
You know things have been tough before,
I've done what I can, I should've done more.
Thinking I knew what I was doing, I knew I had a problem, slowly loosing the
things we both had in common.
I can't apologize enough to make you feel at peace, Wishing that the contempt
between us would just cease.
Wanting to grow old with you was my goal in life, now I must go at it alone with
Never knew how to fix myself from within, just never knew where to begin.
There's no book or set of instructions for living together, just adapt to the
changes of our hearts own weather.
twenty nine years ago,
on a cold and icy night,
my dearest friend and cousin...
entered into eternal light,
although, for me, that fateful eve,
plunged my heart into eternal night
music was his passion,
food, friends, and familu too...
his laugh could light a dungeon,
and this I swear is true
boots protruding from beneath a blanket,
that covered his remains,
this loss so deep and shocking,
has forever left our hearts with stains
From deepest pit of thysoul doth rise new dreams,
Rain cascades from thine dark windows,
Tears that have lived within one for many years,
Lustrous, liquid pearls forged from sway thy soul,
Birthed in thy heart, how love doth gleam,
From thine ebon heart a pillar of light shall sawy,
Through these dark forests a quiet daze,
Felt thy sorrow, thy face sweet dove, thy heart raven,
Every waking hour I tread through April's newly shed tears,
Give not thy day for another,
In realm of senses you were thy heart's brother,
Yet from thy soul doth rise new dreams,
Come to thee, fairest love,
The fabric of thine lonely love has burst its seams!
Alas that these day's should be mine,
when we should be celebrating with food and wine.
Instead I live apart from the ones I love dearly, at the most cheerful time that
Decorations and presents don't mean that much to me, my wife and daughter
are what brings me to my knees.
That I love them so much,
not just as an emotional crutch.
I was asked to leave home,
with a cold hearted world to roam alone.
Chaos of what we had together runs through my mind, not knowing what the
future brings or what I will find.
Dose it make you feel good to know that we're apart?
It makes me ache down inside my heart.
To have hope and desire for you and all that you are, Can you remove that mind
And all fear that you have towards me,
Can you just let go so it can flee?
Disarray for all can be forgotten,
Will you hold it inside till your soul becomes rotten?
Knowing that you don't want to talk to me leaves me at al loss, like I'm the son of
god on the cross.
Accepting all the suffering in life that I've caused you, taking my lashings thru and
The days grow more difficult as time goes by, these words are no trick to get
I know it's hard for you to believe me cause you're angry and scared, a somber
reminder of the life we once shared.
Trying to make amends will take time,
I'm living my life as if you've died.
I don't know what to say that I already haven't.
You say it's over but it's really just the beginning,
to find out who we really are inside while our whole world is set spinning.
Struggling to find our inner peace of mind,
doing stupid things we think are logical to unwind.
Will it always be a face off between us?
Tell me what I can do to repair the damage,
don't leave me hanging in revenge as part of your rampage.
If you're so sorry then why go on?
Seems like you're enjoying my suffering, till for me all hope is gone.
Will you end up like the people you love the most?
Alone and bitter of men to be seen like ghosts?
So much anger so much hate.
If you say it's not like you then why dose it surface with such haste?
I'm done, I'm tired of this cycle of pain,
cause I will always take the blame.
You're perfect and you've done nothing wrong, keep telling yourself this,
carry out your days knowing ignorance is bliss.
Truest as the love from the heart that beats from our breasts,
That the daughter of mine, Matilda, is sick to the wonders,
who lies stoned cold and emotionally depressed watching the skies
grow bluer and nature's green so bold as she lays to rest.
Her violet eyes, now to gray, tells that I can merely scarce the pain,
and as truest of the love that beats from the heart in our breasts,
that soul does crave a wondrous treasure that rings so
Bold but timid and yet it speaks all in rhymes.
She lips out the words, "Read me a poem just one last time"
And my fingers roam amongst a page,
So soft as I read, "Nothing Gold can Stay."
When I say I love you, I mean it,
When you are sleeping, cooking, talking or holding you I'll say it.
Love is more than making love, it's a friendship that never dies,
A soul binding, an eternal binding of ties.
Even if we're apart, at work, or in a different room doesn't change a thing,
We all have our pleasures, that brought us together with a ring.
I could never ask you to change who you are,
It's why I fell in love with you, back from the start.
Even when you feel alone, believe me you're not,
We just get carried away, lost in thought.
Good times and bad times and trends will always be there,
Knowing that some things in life just aren't fair.
I love you because you love me,
Together living as one being.
If you will
Breathe for me
The satanic realism
We can be
On my dying lay
Breathe for me
Every odd believes in thee
All the smiles
On this sunny day, we shared
Call for my debts
Now I’m running scared
Surely you’re losing me
Is it possible?
To have you breathe for me
The satanic realism we can be
On my dying lay
Surely you’re losing me
Breathe with me
I've accepted and told myself that everything is my fault, my hearts been nothing
but a tightly closed vault.
Trying too hard to be perfect, a big mistake, thinking I have control of something
such as fate.
My mind is always racing wanting to feel at peace, I wish this distance between
us would finally just cease.
Realizing how you've been feeling all this time, taking my punishment for such a
Everything that I can do for us I'm giving it a try, wanting it to become habit so we
don't have to cry.
Blame everything on me, I can't debate,
please don't fill your heart with hate.
Emotionally, verbally, mentally and physically I'll give you my all.
to pick myself up from such a terrible fall.
Will I ever be able to hold you again?
Can we get past this rut we're in?
I don't have all the answers, I don't want to live in vain, But unconditionally loving
you I'll have the world to gain.
Even as I'm awake I dream of you,
something I'm sure you already knew.
My visions of happiness are from the heart, I know a big part of why we drifted
I've always tried to be there when it mattered, even with the fear that my
consciousness might be shattered.
I can't hold a grudge to save my life,
I forget the past something I owe my wife.
Feeling confused sucks at best,
trying to sort out the problems and put them to rest.
Knowing I can only fix myself and not you makes me feel helpless, mentally
driving myself to live being selfless.
I'm working on being a better person,
something most people do their entire life and pray they don't worsen.
Please forgive me for all that I've said and in life's run, My love is for two and can't
I've always wanted to love you the way that you desired, never wanting my mind or
heart to retire.
Watching you live your life to make me elated, only now feeling as if I were hated.
So beautiful in your own way you are,
I know that your heart is laced with scars.
Some of which I caused and for that I'm ashamed, Why did I keep doing it? What
can I gain?
A fool is how I feel for the damage I've caused, Praying everyday that all is not lost.
I finally "got it" and where I've messed up, We both say; "it's not you, it's me" and
then we give up.
Struggling to fix myself where I have failed before, cast from my house, sent out
Can I ever come back? Will she let me in?
Not just our house but her heart that's worn thin.
This is my dream, to love you forever,
and never loose sight with the greatest endeavor.
O, songless bird, speak thine plight to thee!
I awoke to hear thine tears in the deepest pit of thy slumber,
My songless bird, the night has stolen thine heav'nly ballad,
And given thee a life of sorrow,
Fly not away from thine hands and look not away from thy loving gaze,
I shall hear thine divine song once more,
Hear it ring! Like church bells in thine pure heart,
And shatter the torments of hell with thine perilous love,
Frost and fire, shadow and dawn, life and dream,
Only thine melodic words, gilded threads of thine shining youth,
Lips crimson with violent ardor,
Only, could pour forth the waters to cascade into the cistern of thy lust for song!
A dot on a screen can bring such joy,
In my heart you were a girl,
Though he wanted a boy.
Before I could see your sweet smile,
In a flash you were gone.
Somehow it was my fault,
What could I have done?
A mother’s worse nightmare,
No body to bury.
My own precious child,
Unable to carry.
Your father has forgotten,
The rest of your family too,
But your mother’s battered heart
Breaks only for you.
I wish things never turned out this way between us, I gave it my all only too late,
our lives in a ruckus.
It hurts so much to say goodbye,
especially to see our young one cry.
Please remember that I tried my best,
what ever you do, don't put our marriage at rest.
I love you so much sometimes I can't explain, my heart aching to hold you close
The mistakes I've made in the past please forgive me, don't let that brick wall you
have up get lost at sea.
I've always wanted it to work just never knew how to do it, only knowing now my
futile efforts would cause you to quit.
No grudges held against you is all that I know, not giving up hope is all I can
You're tired I understand and say you've made up your mind, please don't go thru
life as if you were blind.
I'm trying to become someone you knew before, never giving up when both our
hearts are sore…….
Physical, or emotional in some way, it’s there,
always wanting to get rid of it, but where?
Running away from it doesn’t help,
it just makes us feel better within ones self.
And when one makes their pain everybody else’s pain,
they’re wasting they're life in vain.
Either we share it with someone or we keep it for ourselves,
wallowing in our sorrow, seeking any form of help.
When it involves love, the answers lie within,
making choices for ourselves instead, would be nothing but sin.
It makes us who we are, and we must accept it.
Is it me or is it you?
A problem identified by so few.
It could be someone else,
hellish interference to ruin ourselves.
Happiness is yearned by those who do not have it,
achieving it out of sacrificial habit.
Love without understanding is a waste,
finding the easy way out with such haste.
And thru time we become unidentified to everyone we
killing ourselves so others can see our point of view.
Shed your tears and face your fears,
I seek what you seek for future years.
Regretfully, this is a true story;
Saturday- time for band rehearsal,
It's work we normally love to do,
But today was very different,
As I shall now tell you...
My sax player, Skip, always
picks me up in early morn,
For our two hour trip,
to Brooklyn, where we rehearse
in a studio, as is our norm...
He mentioned on the drive in,
He had something to tell us,
My curiosity was peaked,
But he said he'd tell us later,
so wait was what we must,
He played his sax today,
with passion as I'd never heard before,
It was quite impressive,
but what did he have in store?
At last, he finally told us,
and it broke each of our hearts,
His mother he had buried
the day before,
And from this world she now departs..
But, how this came to be,
Was truely shocking to me,
For she hung herself in despair
Over things of little care...
His sister found he so,
I can't imagine what a
Being Jewish, she was buried
And I hardly could comprehend
how long that hurt would last,
At my suggestion, we played
a song, she had taught him long ago,
The same song my father taught me,
and one we played sweet and low,
"Saint James Infirmary" is the title,
And death is the portrait it paints,
I only trust in God, she now resides
with the Saints.
An empty house cold and dreary,
no joy just sorrow and ever so weary.
No tree or decorations to show,
just me and my thoughts living here all alone.
No daughter to hold and say I love you this Christmas day,
no gift exchanges with my wife no embracing or holding her tight.
For all that I've done it's still not enough,
loosing my family when times got tough.
And all I can do is to feel so ashamed,
hope for the best, this is my holiday.
Needles in my veins,
Bullets through my skull,
Whisky in my blood,
Tears amongst my eyes,
Scars black-out my wrists,
Murder floats through my mind,
What’s more to miss, love hope, misery, or just a simple kiss ,
Love has found the key out of heart, and there’s no entrance left ajar,
Why couldn’t you conceive that I would have given up all I own and love to just be
a sliver of your heart,
Did you ever notice what I hade to go through to try to get close to you,
I hope you don’t forget my pain, because that chance has been banished from
the depths of my dreams,
You’ve lost my kiss, my sympathy, and love for such a darling flower as your self,
At last I bid you good-by my lost love and hope you too don’t fight yourself, cut
yourself, and drink away your misery, just forget and don’t think of me for all it’s
worth I’m just dust and fading fog.
Deep inside I’m hurting, because I’ve hurt you,
feel useless I don’t know what to do.
I’m trying to accommodate your every request
and respect you, to give your heart a rest.
You say you think I want something from you,
you’re right I do, and your forgiveness too.
I’m not expecting change insight,
I don’t want to feel like a failure every night.
I know you love me, but holding back,
and it’s my fault I know and must stay on track.
To be the man you fell in love with, not a stranger in the house,
not a mean thug or monster but your spouse.
All I ask is not to shut me out, and leave me with doubt.
I wish to be close to you, to touch you to hold you,
not feel empty with desire when I say adieu.
Can you understand me?
Am I making sense?
Who am I to turn to?
To whom do I repent?
So nearly a month has gone by,
apart from each other in the blink on an eye.
Has anything changed between us?
Our wounded hearts laden with puss.
A fatal infection with only one logical treatment,
yet all attempts on my part have failed, I feel so spent.
All I feel is contempt from the one I love,
a failed bonding only I am worthy of.
Why can't I do anything right?
Is there any hope for me on this Christmas Eve night?
Wishing I could snap my fingers and make this pain go away,
grief and uncertainty in my mind so heavily weigh.
Are there any comforting words in that heart so scared and tired?
Do any of the words I say or type leave you somewhat inspired?
Fear is illusive, you can bury it, face it or let it run your life,
use it as a excuse and live your days in strife.
I can only speculate that this phase will soon end,
my only optimism to come home again.
As the day's go by without a word,
it makes me wonder, to feel disturbed.
The heart of the issue, being apart, still at hand,
how long can this go, feeling lonely and sad.
One minute making love, the next, out the door,
my mind still spinning, like a casualty of war.
Quarreling over the stupidest things in life,
both acting bull-headed, believing that we're right.
Not moving an inch, but pushing each other apart,
thinking with our minds instead of our hearts.
I miss you...
Like a flower needs water,
I failed to love and to honor.
To hold you close in times of despair,
Has our love for each other really gone beyond
Our blind hopes for a better life are deceiving,
One can only do what their best at revealing.
A side of ourselves we fight everyday,
Hoping, hoping that it will just go away.
Living with memories of the past, there is no future,
A heart once made of gold will turn into pewter.
My as time grows my love grows as well,
I can only hope that we can end this kind of hell.
I miss you..
Who’s to say what the future may bring,
the gift of life is a forgotten thing.
Wandering alone makes one hold their head high or low,
never considering the costs we owe.
Feeling all alone now in this world hurts,
taking all responsibility trying to make things work.
If time will tell, and I feel like I’m dying,
my efforts seem futile all the while worth trying.
Now seeing that my love in life is not here,
I will give it my all to have you both near.
My wife and my child are all that I have,
no ego to bruise and pride to hold back.
I love you both now and forever,
hoping one day that we’ll all be together.
Living out life’s adventures.
Sometimes I wonder if we were doomed from the start,
seems like others laid down their influences to impart.
Our differences aren't as drastic as they seem,
although taken out of context they'll make you scream.
People trying to get our attention to distort the focus of our love,
it appears they've got the upper hand, you know whom I speak of.
Maybe your expectations of me were out of touch with reality,
spawn from a troubled past, now haunting our causality.
We both failed and there's no other way to say it,
traumatized as a whole, like a suicidal person's wrist slit.
Believe me when I say I want it to work,
Does any love for me in that heart still lurk?
It would appear that you're so vexed to listen to reason,
marital vows broken, rationale for treason.
Realizing all is hopeless, I'll never loose hope,
carry on my days at the end of a rope.
Is our relationship on the downward spiral?
Or have our souls caught something viral?
Where love and honor have long been forgotten, and all fear to tread cause our
world is rotten.
Will we live in fear? Fear of being hurt again?
We can accept the love that is given to us and become the slain.
It's not a matter of question, everyone needs it, interpretation as a receiver to
accept it or quit.
If pain is weakness leaving the body then we should as people be invincible,
What then would be the point of living with principle?
Mistakes have been made that I can never forget, facing each day accepting
This is not fantasy it's reality,
trying to earn back your love and not become a fatality.
Let me in, let me in,
let us find a point where to begin.
Things will never be the same Is all I can say, we both need each other to stop
I know you need some time to think,
don't take too long, don't even blink.
I can't blame you if you're confused,
sometimes I too feel so used.
Like I'm being toyed with,
another one of those relationship myths.
I don't know if it's on purpose or with bad intent, vengeance is part of life's lament.
All I know is patience and hope,
drawing out my day trying to cope.
Not seeing the ones I love every day,
hurts deep inside in a knife stabbing way.
You are not dead to me, I want you to know, my love for you can only grow.
You watch from high above,
I regret what happen to us.
I should have never hurt you or questioned my trust.
I promised to love you forever,
you were my gold my so called treasure.
I was too blind to see our love drifting apart,
I thought I would always love you and you would always stay in my heart.
But the lust in my heart overpowered my love for you,
not even a million sorrys can take back what I put you through.
"I can't hurt the person I love so much," is what I use to say,
but when he would come by those words would fade away.
I couldn't resist the temptations in my heart,
yet with that one moment would change my life forever and tear us apart.
With your tears of pain and the streets being wet,
will always leave me with regret.
Within that instance you were taken from me,
without a chance to say I was sorry.
I hurt you so much I know it's true,
all I have left are the memories of the pain I put you through.
The rains bring tears to my eyes,
because to me those are the tears that you cry.
I soak myself in your tears,
wishing you were here.
My heart should have never went a stray,
I wish for death each day.
I just want to see your face yet god is keeping me here to stay.
The tortures of my loss taps every night on my window payne.
I'm sorry for the pain I caused you deep within,
and I'm forever reminded of it when you cry your tears from heaven.
If life is a series of moments,
it can be joy or it can be torment.
For what do we really seek?
The answer is only for the weak.
Stronger in our days we must grow,
Not tuck tail and run in our times of woe.
If love is blind then aren't we all,
Tis better to die than to exist at all.
For what good is this life to live alone?
Finally finding it all at the end of the road.
Our lives are an uncertainty and infinite unknown,
We can only control ourselves and what we know.
For life is love, a understanding of ourselves,
Cause I'd rather be with you, than with anyone else.
Life is nothing but a storm, a constant struggle for the norm.
Work, play, relationships are the factors at hand, instead of being lost at sea we head
The things we do and the things we say, determine the weather in our lives day by day.
For some it’s fighting the storm from the inside that makes us who we are, not knowing
that they could
be tearing things apart.
No one can fight a storm alone, if they do they will always be alone.
Marriage is like weather, one is the sun and the other the water, just like mother and father.
The two compliment each other and choose the life for their daughter.
Without compromise the storm will continue, taming the elements will always be an issue.
There are no winners when the storm rages on, but one thing is for certain that my love
for you will carry on.
Grandmom, I always knew the day would come that I would have to say good-
bye.I just didn't know that it would have been so soon.I will always remember the
love that you shared for me.The way you played with your hair or even the way you
sang your song "Still Away".Grandmom Lossie ,in my eyes "Lossie" meant
something. L is for your lovely voice that I would here at night.O is for all the
obstacles you had taken in my life.S is for soldier women indeed you was.S is for
you smile that lit up the entire world.I is for your intergrity that yo always had.E is
for your everlasting love that you shared time after time.Now that you know my
grandmom,don;t you wish she was yours to.Cause Grandma Lossie knew
everthing that Williemae and Bea (her daughters)woulld do.My grandma was
loving,kind,and sweet.Most of all she was My Grandmom.
Coming home for a event intended for cheer,
on my way there I tremble with fear.
Because I'm scared and sad,
remembering the life we once had.
It's my only wish that we could be together,
happy and in love, but for now that seems like never.
I notice the pictures that were of us are no longer on the wall,
a breaking point signaling that our marriage has taken a serious fall.
Feeling like I can never do anything right or judged under the spotlight,
any attempt to communicate with you brings frustration and spite.
Living my life in the past thinking I knew what I was doing,
failing to acknowledge your love, selfish instead of wooing.
All is forsaken between us or so it would seem,
maybe it is and maybe is isn't, how on earth can I be redeemed.
When I say I love you, take it as you will,
I've never meant it more even as time stands still.
Day's passing by,
on some I want to cry.
Missing you, wanting you,
while I'm away from you I have to make due.
With dreams and memories dancing in my head.
Will we be together again?
Or come back home in dread?
My sensitivity is my weakness an excuse for a front,
weather it's getting attention or just being blunt.
Fears of the past, present and future will never again
control my life,
for all I can live for now is to love my wife.
Yearning for you in more ways than one,
will keep me alive till my day's here are done.....
as he clasped to the wall
my HEART began to fall...
ALMOST TO THE GROUND
JUST loud enough TO MAKE
A BIG BUT
deep AND weak sound
THE SOUND OF PAIN....
But in my mind "I WISH IT WASN'T TIME"
TIME FOR HIM to go
and leave me all alone...
for me to CRY
and WISH IT WAS MY TIME to go
with you because i'm all
SAD AND BLUE
i never thought but
you was my uncle
BUT THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED
I WISH YOU WAS HERE TO MAKE
ME be me
here and there
Here I sit all alone, with my parents here at home.
My mind a'racing as time passes, the meaning of life seems nothing but crass.
How I long to hold you tight by my side, but I can't, you say it's over,
i just want to die.
Love is a gesture that gets so abused,
hanging on to bad memories, being so obtuse.
I've always wanted love to work for us,
but it wasn't enough, point of view, raped with lust.
Have either of us had any control from the beginning?
Or did we give ourselves to others for the taking?
For I can't sleep or even think straight while I'm here far away,
my wife and daughter gone from me day after day.
Life’s routine seems to be the norm,
eat, sleep and work can be quite the bore.
Is there any time for play?
to tell you what I really want to say.
Watching you have your coffee & cigarette’s, I envy you,
so beautiful to watch, a peaceful view.
A type of solitude that I wish I could find,
mentally struggling, till I’m in a bind.
I want what you have in how you find peace, I feel jealous sometimes,
at times almost weak.
To know that I’m not perfect in the way that I am,
and hope you’ll forgive me for the times I make you mad.
Our love is not perfect, but I try none the less,
to be the man you desire, giving it my best.
And even though I deserved to be put down and disciplined for being the fool,
I will always love you, for acting as my tool.
As if I have nowhere to go, I need a place to stay, cast out from my home avoiding
Where am I to go?
A place to rest my head.
A place to feel at peace when my heart is filled with dread.
Like a vagabond looking for closure to his travels, my future yet to be unraveled.
Will it always be like this?
When the ones I love I can't hold and kiss.
I'm one who is misplaced, not in mind but in person, my soul in anguish in fear
that my suffering will worsen.
I cry for help!
Out from this hell.
I cry for one, can she hear me?
Will she flee?
You wake up put your uniform on and eat the breakfast I have made for you
You kiss the kids good-bye and I jet for the door to say I love you too
The day has just begun and there is so much I need to do
How to fit everything into one single day I haven’t got a clue
Dosing in and out of sleep the ringing is faint within my ear
I wasn’t ready for what it was I was just about to hear
What fire? The roof did what? Is he okay?
Suddenly that day turned into what I would remember to be the darkest day
My heart pounds faster making it harder to breathe over and over I pray
I call my mother to watch the kids and I can barely get out what I have to say
How could this normal day turn into the worst I’d ever see?
I clinch my eyes tightly together, how could this happen to me?
Driving as fast as I can the tears filling up my eyes
The radio is off and all that fills the air are my loud worried sighs
The hallways seem so dull, long and a very pale white
My eyes are burning from tears and the flickering florescent light
A group of men in uniforms fill the hallway I have ended in
I try hard to fight this sick feeling I know I’m not going to win
The loud voices, the explanations, the tears from everyone around
My eyes move from person to person but I can’t hear a single sound
I walk into room 214 and see you lying in front of me
The only things I can focus on are all the burns I see
Please don’t leave me all alone I need you so much now
I should have been with you every minute everyday would allow
I will never forget this day for as long as I shall live, for now I am alone
I pick up your jacket and run my fingers over the patches that I have sewn
Your helmet has been given to me and I’ll keep it with me forever
You told me once don’t forget and I whisper in your ear, “Forget you? Never”
Time has passed so quickly it’ll be three years this May
I wish you could see our son who’s looking more like you everyday
When I ask him what his dream is he says to fight fires like his dad
It's been hard getting through each day but I know you’d tell me not to be sad
I wanted the chance to kiss you more and hug you as long as I could
Sometimes this world is so hard there is so much I wish I understood
Alone I lay in bed and the only sounds I hear are the whisperings of the fan
Selfishly I want you back but God must have needed a fine fire fightin’ man