The function of a human hand?
Writing a message, making a bed,
Opening a jar, dialing a phone,
Putting on pantyhose,
Touching the face of a child,
Or a lover.
And in its absence?
Yawning space and phantom pain,
And an oddly-shaped bandage
At the end of Angie’s arm.
PFC Hernandez, home in El Paso,
Watches her family watching her,
Writing awkwardly with her left hand,
Brushing her black wavy hair,
Watching Dr. Phil
Wearing an old gray-green T-shirt
Bearing the faded words
“Proud to be a Marine.”
Gasping and choking,
She wakes from thick, dusty dreams
Of shimmering, endless sand,
Echoing hollow with hatred,
And the feared but half expected
Roar of fiery amber heat,
Breaking the angry stillness,
Searing through the night
And Angela’s right hand.
I remember the day I got the call.
My world fell apart.
I had lost it all.
I remember the day you were taken from me.
I knew your beautifull smile I would never again see.
They said it was a mugger and you put up a fight.
I should not have let you go out that night.
It seems like just yesterday we fed eachother our wedding cake.
When I remember that memory my hands start to shake.
I sit in my cabin on this mountain with the sky so blue.
I won't leave. This's where I spent my honeymoon with you.
My family wants me to go back into that world, so cold.
I'm not leaving this mountain.
It's where I'll grow old.
They say your gone and will never again be.
Well, I hear what your saying. Yes, I know your talking to me.
You sit in the chair and drink my tea.
My heart swells up when you smile at me.
They say I've gone insane and see things that aren't there.
If I'm on this mountain here why should they care?
I love you more then I did when we first found this place.
I remeber everything about you, your ellagince and grace.
Why am I not in that world full of anger and fear?
I want to be with you on this mountain here.
Chill breath of autumn
Sears the poppy scarlet red,
On his memory'd cenotaph.
Tears trickle in the furrowed
Faces of young comrades
.....now long dead
To all who may never know
Let me try to show
The deep and heavy cost
Of having tragic loss
Confusion and disbelief
Strikes hard before the grief
Many wounds cut deep
And pain denies you sleep
Gut wrenching turmoil deep inside
Shattering sorrow you cannot hide
Heart pounding blood into your head
Wishing now, you too were dead
Clutching at your belly
For the one you loved so dearly
Crumbling from the pain
You'll never be the same
When that fateful message comes
Burning like a thousand suns
And tears of dread, sting your face
Joy makes way, for sorrow, takes it's place
The tears will go one day
This is what they say
While every day you're trying
To keep yourself from crying
Those memories together were made
These memories they will not fade
And reopen the cuts of wounds so deep
These bloodied treasures that you keep
No potion can ever mend
No dressing can ever tend
As days and months have gone away
This festering rage is here to stay
Till the time is come again
That tragic day is like a stain
That time will never be gone
Where their spirit last shone
The moment it draws near
As you fight back the tear
This pain you cannot bear
For it has been one year
As you sit back and swallow the drink
And feel your life begin to sink
And darkness comes around
The room no longer makes a sound
You sit in place and stare
No more their love to share
You pray the silence take me
From visions I do not wish to see
Ten years on today
It's still not gone away
This deep and heavy cost
This truly tragic loss
I’m Physically and Emotionally tired
I don’t want to be the strong one anymore
I can’t this time
I don’t know what to do Daddy
I need your help down here
I can’t get back in control of my emotions
I’m having a hard time dealing with your absence
I’m having a hard time standing by myself
I need your help Daddy
I’m broken and lost without you Daddy
I need your will to want to carry on
I need your strength to over come this
I need your strength to stay standing
Your courage to fight back again
I need your help
Please Daddy I’m at a loss
How am I suppose to do this
I need your guidance
I need you to guide me back
To whom I was before
I need your help Daddy
I need your help
The old screen door still welcomes me
.. a familiar face, just as before
but after this...who'll pass this way?….
Will they use the rug and wipe their shoes?...
Swipe away the grime and mud?
.....Or will they even care?
I feel my pulse and lungs collide
I take a breath...and step inside
She lived alone, the last to go....
one amber dawn when skies were clear
silently, without fanfare....
death wafted through these hard wood floors
and took more than a glimpse of her
I've been asked to sell the house,
to clear it out, and set it right…
Somehow, seems wrong….
a trespass on the throne of life
that was softly lived
behind the gate, where thirsty roses bloom, and wait…
to disturb the lace on drop leaf tables…
disgrace the quiet of the gloom
open drawers, snoop and sort, ….a pruning,
of the good, the used, from worn and torn
My hands are able, but my heart declines..
what isn’t mine, to toss, to find, to mark, and label…
I hear the echoes, in each room…
along with swishings of my broom…
and the dust motes in the window light
like glitter in the afternoon…
reminders of old sparks ingnited
where cozy logs had offered light
keeping her last nights warm..…
The whirling sound of winds outside…
whispered breaths of weaving looms
the treadled sounds of sewing hems..
peddled feet, and bustling, rustling
and those of clattering pans and potting blooms…
There are questions I want to ask
tho’ I can’t recall just what they were
no matter now….with no one here
I must be focused….on my task…
it must be done…
And now, …as doors of dark begins
I see, somehow, that fate moved in….
I am glad that I, with my two hands…
have witnessed with a smile, unplanned,
A life once new, until the end
I hold it all, and always will
her life, I held in loving hands
I stand here in the halls of night
content, I'll leave without regret
companioned by a day well spent…
I've been within …her company
Your house huddled under low mauve December dusk.
Negotiating the five ice-glazed steps, cautiously quiet,
silently twisting the key in the lock,
stealthy as a thief at midnight.
Invading your personal domain,
helpless secret-stealer, what other could I do?
A cold dissolution hung in the air;
a dead dust-light on once familiar belongings.
Switched to auto, my lonely hands
sorted a secret stair-cupboard stash:
lavender Spode and swirling Cloisonne.
Your must-speckled books had opened like orchids
but your ghost-gloves lay lifeless,
bereft of the blunt, practical hands.
Desolation looked out on the garden,
frost-frozen: the crumbling corpse wall,
the raspberry leaves clamped in their little ice-shells,
waiting for their summertime rubies, those jewels of July,
and waiting for you, your deft natural touch.
Silence laid its stilling hand on quotidian objects
as I laid your life away in boxes.
I didn't hear your loneliness
when it pushed at the door, insistently.
Seroxat and Liebfraumilch kept you company.
Why didn't you persist?
What triggered the retreat back into yourself?
All through the hushed dusk of December and sleet storms of January
I lay with your loss, under spattering rain;
my winter fragmented, its ice-prism shattered,
my actions mere string-jerkings of the puppeteer Grief.
High on the Normandy cliffs
Looking out over Pointe du Hoc
As cold Atlantic winds whisper out
The names of the brothers I left behind
Now only fine marble monument shadows
Dot the trenches and empty emplacements
As the final testimony of the fallen
Still ringing frightened with those desperate voices
Proclaiming both their lives and death
That they were ever here…
In the emerald hills of Collville Sur Mur
I can still hear the phantom naval shells screaming
Underneath the crying of men
Pulverized and dying in their comrades arms
All for the belief of the land from which they hail
While the roaring waves wash the still bloody sands
In and endless and rending cycle
That silent cacophony of brother and foe
Call out to me still for comfort and aid
Asking only to be remembered…
If by my grave you someday pass,
And see a stone with my name;
Spend time with me, sit in the grass,
And pray you can forgive my shame.
If I didn't pass all that was true,
Or fell beneath your portion of desire;
If I didn't do all that was right,
My heart lives in fear of its empty fire.
Then let your sorrow drown its tear
On your cheek in sadness fall;
Forget my failure, keep my memory near,
For what I was to you over all.
And if you can't reach out and bless,
Grant me compassion in forgiveness.
By Elizabeth Wesley
I will post it on each floor in the place where I live
andmaybe get downtown to do it in some stores.
O beloved mother, o beloved sisters
departed from me, within years
of each other, to sadden my living;
I spend my days weeping...
reminiscing in my sorrow:
how we laughed together,
and faced another serene tomorrow,
knowing that sharing kindness
would bond our destinies
in ways so devoted and immense!
O beloved mother, o beloved sisters...
I let the unconsumed joy of memories
take me to those yesterdays
to thank God for our existence,
when we enjoyed the gifts He offered;
yes, even the smallest of them
were so lovely and precious!
And by watching how you faced death,
I admired how you became the bravest...
slowly letting go of what you possessed!
O beloved mother, o beloved sisters...
do you want me to continue crying,
or smile and console you with a future promise:
that soon we'll embrace one another
under the joyful eyes of our Creator?
Nothing foolish I will do to harm myself;
and wait I will 'till my end comes,
but until then my solemn prayers I'll recite
amid tombstones guarded by triumphant angels...
and bound for Heaven, I'll be smiling!
I had a wonderful day, what could have went wrong
Went to sleep feeling like a brand new man
Laying in bed, sleeping so peacefully
Two guys walked in unexpectedly
They said wake up, no hesitation
Ten bullets in my back, no explanation
Was this a dream I’m gonna wake up from
No its not, I’m a completely dead man
Why me? Answer my question
I had a family and other love ones.
Now I’m gone, but memory lives on
How about you where do you stand?
Sweeter than a flower special as could be
A little girl softly asleep
Kneeling in prayer singing a tune
Beautiful young one baby girl
See her face glowing
Know that she's going to a better place
Surrounded by angels
Near the pearly gates
Safely in the sacred arms
Looking up at Jesus face
Sweeter than a flower
Special as could be
A little girl softly asleep
Close your eyes right now
See her going
To a better place
Your little baby girl
Oh friend of mine you are so sweet.
As we talk and talk we carry on.
so little time we have just you and I.
Oh friend of mine you are so sweet.
My friend of mine .
If only you had time.
we would go shopping.
Oh friend of mine
If only you did not have cancer.
Oh friend of mine.
We are forever friends until the end.
Oh friend of mine until we met again.
My sweet sweet friend.
Just one more time,
just one more breath,
just one more moment to remember the past,
lull in thy memories,
breathe in thy essence,
to look upon thy face,
to know you still care,
to know what we had was special,
to be preserved in preferred memories.
Where I am going I know naught.
Floating as if in limpid water currents,
languor reaching but finding not,
solitary enraged soul longing for one more kiss,
one kiss whence naught.
Malformed monsters feast
upon the vermin ravishing mine soul,
my tender heart loathing sunset’s rays enfold,
nighttime beseech me, broken heart unfold.
Another night shine through tears,
summoned by memories a hundredfold,
putrid time consumes life;
Cruel Life Sleeps.
Once again he climbs the hills above the salty bay
and walks along the path through fields where she used to play.
His silver hair and tattered clothes blowing in the wind,
that whispers the name of his sweet darling Carolynn.
He sits upon a rock and looks out to the water,
and once again she comes to him, his precious daughter;
through the ghostly floating mist, he sees her smiling eyes,
those eyes where forever more, his heart and soul reside.
She takes his hand and leads him to the fields of clover;
to that place on the cliff that the old tree grows over;
and he sees the rope tied 'round the bough of that old tree,
and feels the sunshine on his face, hears the humming bees.
His heart begins to pound, like a hammer in his chest,
as she runs with glee towards the overhanging crest;
he tries to stop her, but his feet stay froze to the ground;
he screams to no avail, being deaf she hears no sound.
She laughs and waves goodbye as she grabs the braided rope
and runs with all her might and swings out above the slope
and in that moment, he hears the snapping of the bough,
and he sees her dangling there, high above the brow.
He sees her startled eyes and he hears her helpless cries,
just before she falls on to the rocks below and dies.
He falls to his knees screaming and crawls out to the edge,
and when he looks below, he knows that he too is dead.
And they find him forty years from that fateful day,
Hanging from the old oak tree, where she used to play.
If I could wipe away the stars
I’d paint them in a row
And count them one by one
Then maybe I could live forever
But that would be a grand endeavour.
If I could wash the ocean floor
I would tie my hair up with seaweed
And I would ask the crab to dance
And his steps would be so fine
But that would be too divine.
If I could ask the skies to hear me
They’d guide me where to go
They’d show me the directions
In the clouds above the road.
If I could sing a song without words
I’d find you there in the shadows
Where the silence lives between octaves
And I would always sing on key
But that would be an impossibility.
If I could create time in an instant
I’d stop the clock when you called me
And the plane wouldn’t have to fly
It would sit and wait to be saved
But instead I cry at your grave.
This fast life of mine is dying
All you see is my lifeless body lying
Scarcely heaving my last breath
I knew it was coming, soon my own death
I had one last chance to say my peace
So that my loneliness would cease
I got to say on my last breath
Don't fear my love I have finished my quest
It was for undying love
One day you will fly with me as a white dove
A dove stands for eternity and that's what it shall be
For the next time we meet we will see each other clearly
Goodbye for now don't shed a tear
For one day soon I will be near
REQUIEM TO MY HERO
its final shadow
memories, now golden
root deep in my heart
slowly learned, shine
I vividly remember the feeling
As I searched your desk;
With hope of resurrecting
some small part of you...
To discover with agonizing trepidation
that your watch had stopped.
Hands still, unmoving, ticking silenced.
And felt another puzzle-piece fall into place
In the reinforced finality of your passing.
How bittersweet, the realization that
I cannot bring you back.
I cannot love you back.
I cannot dream you back into my life again!
Returning briefly, you cannot stay.
With heightened poignancy I purchased a new battery
To bring your watch to life again.
Thus enabling the pretense that your time
Had never ended.
Consumed and confused,
Like a lost three year old whose mother has disappeared.
Life stolen, but so overwhelming that acknowledgement will not come
What will I do without you?
Hollowed out, so much of you infused into my being
Wrenched out unexpectedly and cruelly
Nothing left but a gaping hole
How will I live without you?
Surely I will bleed to death with this broken heart in my hands
Memories like daggers
Your scent all around me; in the closet, in your bed
How can I go on without you?
Living in a shadow, just a zombie
Once alive and fueled by your existence
Now just a shell without purpose
How could you vanish like this?
Reality edging in around the walls of denial I have created
I will leave everything exactly where it is
You will be coming home soon, I’m sure of it
How will I ever be the same again?
Your ghost follows me everywhere
We were together playing Candyland; sweet wet toddler kisses
How can I ever be the same again?
My hungry eyes search every detail of the photos I have of you
Trying to remember the exact color of your eyes
Feeling as though you are fading, swirling down a drain
What am I without you?
Are you cold below the heavy soil?
Your warmth is fading here,
I ache for your comforting presence, just one more time
Who will I become in this insanity?
I am so lost without you.
My longest night will come.
A never ending stream of thought,
which starts and ends with you.
I counted the days that passed
hoping to mend the broken pieces
only to realize,
that there's a place we just
Nights were mere reflections
Of a man I used to be.
And this candle will die and still this restless
Soul reaches for someone very close
Yet very far from the river towards his heart.
I carry a heavy burden.
An undying flame which still burns
A kind of pain that'll never heal.
A kind of dream that just won't go away.
I gave you a part of me that never sleeps.
A soul tired of thinking.
The sun will ease the pain.
But every hour, I get closer to the familiar
sense of loss.
And my longest night will come.
Which starts and ends with you.
Everyday, I still feel the sorrow
While hoping for a brighter tomorrow
Feeling the loss of you
It doesn't go away in the morning dew
Hoping that a rainy day
Might wash this pain away
In the light of a sunny day
I kneel down and I pray
Oh Lord, give me the strength to make it through
For the loss of a love I once knew
He's crossed over to the other side
This I say with great pride
For there he waits
Til the day I pass through those pearly gates
You had the spirit of a stallion.
You could not be tamed until you were ready
and no matter how life may have tried you could not be broken.
You brought a piece of something that many did not possess to every life,
and when you opened your mouth unearthly words of wisdom were spoken.
You were strong and beautiful and had the deepest blue eyes I've ever seen.
The love that you held in your heart was like something out of dream,
It was love and confidence and support and stability you made me feel.
God blessed me by letting me be a part of you.
I am so happy that our lives crossed paths and you helped see me through.
Now you are in His memory, waiting to be raised.
When you live again, your mind will be clear.
The fog will be lifted.
There will be no haze.
You will run about and never die.
You will feel no pain or fear, never cry.
Your days will be filled with love, strong and true.
Your last words to me were I love you.
Here I wait, just trying to get through.
I will see you again, Grandma.
Into my arms, I will welcome you.
A friend has passed
A Long struggle with the big C
A fighter she was
A cheery face she put on
A painful plight
A fight till the end
A spirit and light that will shine eternal
A friend we won’t see
A God that has embraced her in His arms
A friend that will live in our hearts; blessed be
The loss of a loved one
Is like the loss of a part of us
We feel so dry we won't be move
We cry so loud, we won’t be heard,
But all of this won’t bring them back.
We can try so much to cope with it
We bottle them up, till we crack.
They eat us up like ulcer
We feel so cold as though we are numb.
But all of this won’t bring them back.
We can hide behind this and feel terrible
We hurt all those that come so close
We cry and yell and feel unloved.
We try in vain to forget our world.
But all of this won’t bring them back.
In the midst of this we will lose something
That one we lost can cause us more
But if we free our mind and hold ourselves
A great lesson we will learn
That one we lost, many we will gain.
Yet, all of this won’t bring them back.
If you lose someone, or lost something
Don’t neglect those you have around.
If you get cold and drift away
You will feel bad and still feel hurt.
But all of these won’t bring them back.
poem written by Kolawole Ogunfowokan
I want you to see my smile
On the mark you left behind
~~that lasting impression~~
I think of you in high regard
With fond memories
~~your sweet expression~~
You did touch my life
You did leave a sign
~~that warm inscription~~
A piece of you will be
~~in clear description~~
A inspiration in my heart.
The distant sound of foot fall as
I trod a barren land
Diminished to an echo near my heart
My "patience" through the years has
Brought me to a still born stand
Encompassed by the fears of a new start
Grieve I for the life I've lost
Forever laid to rest
My emptiness is now a hardened shell
My struggle to surrender fights
Temptation to resist
Who will be the victor? Time will tell.
Elegy to Child Lost
Passion's love oft tempts despair
Casts a prideful cosmic dare--
Like Prizing Joy's most intimate caress
Babe snug beneath a mother's breast
Senses at this time are keen
There's no secret kept between
Loving mother, wriggling babe--
Wanted , dreamed of, much delayed
But entwined twin was also loved--
Some say Nature's method proves
That one twin may give all to mate---
But this fatal sacrifice must decimate.
Only mother's eyes would feel babe's smiles--
or sense those legs that wandered miles
And daring feet that danced in tunes while
Arms swam in gentle Celtic croons.
When babe vanished--not a sound.
Mother 's grief was not allowed.
Tempted so to trail behind
Escaping shattered troubled mind.
Squelching sorrow's hungry arms
She Tried erase babe's fluttering charms
Never spoke of-- never mourned.
By her husband she was warned
Was best forget a child so early lost--
Funerals, gravestones--such a cost--
But the years have called babe near,
Mother's journal writ in tears:
'Please forgive my selfish heart.
Repressed from all --this tragic part
I felt your sacrificial act--
You left your cherished twin intact'.
There is no law of random acts
Doctors examine data facts
It may be --that in the womb
When both spring flowers cannot bloom
One bold twin refrains to eat
Compels the other to complete
Hardy growth that life requires---
Sparks survival's crucial hours.
Not an accident 'tis sure--
Boldest spirits blossom pure.
Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
The song starts to play and I start to cry
How can so much hurt come from a song like that?
Once upon a time it used to bring me happiness and laughs
Now all it brings me is sorrow
You were my world and the song was ours
Now you're gone leaving me with nothing but a broken heart
It isn't easy to forget about everything
That song meant so much to me and now it's all been taken away
I had a dream that the song was going to bring us together again
But now, I don't want to listen to the song anymore
The song is a constant reminder of our tragedy and it will always hurt
I've tried to forget but nothing seems to work
I'll listen to that song a million times more
Until the day we are reunited, together forever
Death is quite an evil thief
For it took my dearest friend--
Whose eyes were fixed upon me
As he finally reached, the end.
And the look, it was a razor,
Cutting deeply to the soul--
For it said, "Why don't you help me?"
But I could not help, at all.
God, that image haunts me so,
I can see it clearly still--
And should I live a thousand years
I believe it always will!
Until we meet again my friend.
We'll play tug-of-war with your favorite squirrel.
Later Rocky--miss you--