I remember the day I got the call.
My world fell apart.
I had lost it all.
I remember the day you were taken from me.
I knew your beautifull smile I would never again see.
They said it was a mugger and you put up a fight.
I should not have let you go out that night.
It seems like just yesterday we fed eachother our wedding cake.
When I remember that memory my hands start to shake.
I sit in my cabin on this mountain with the sky so blue.
I won't leave. This's where I spent my honeymoon with you.
My family wants me to go back into that world, so cold.
I'm not leaving this mountain.
It's where I'll grow old.
They say your gone and will never again be.
Well, I hear what your saying. Yes, I know your talking to me.
You sit in the chair and drink my tea.
My heart swells up when you smile at me.
They say I've gone insane and see things that aren't there.
If I'm on this mountain here why should they care?
I love you more then I did when we first found this place.
I remeber everything about you, your ellagince and grace.
Why am I not in that world full of anger and fear?
I want to be with you on this mountain here.
A perfect crime.
The paper the victim,
the weapon a pen.
A perfect time.
The thoughts in my head,
a prayer, I say, amen.
A perfect day.
The mood is right,
it is time to begin.
A perfect way.
So I write, Father please,
forgive me for my sin.
A perfect start.
The liquid poison,
slowly kills the page.
A perfect heart.
from all the rage.
A perfect death.
Please go in peace,
Your soul to keep.
A perfect breath.
For it's the last,
please don't weep.
Moon Walk on Your Grave
A life begun in stardom,
now, ending up in shame.
Relentless media, cruel world,
who then is there to blame.
A sadness inside,
no tears on your face.
The pain all but over,
mass confusion erase.
In wonder we watch,
can a life be explained?
Can't surface your agony,
under facade you remained.
Let's focus on the talent,
musical joy that you gave.
In peace now I pray,
moon walk on your grave.
© Rene' Brady 2009
Every Everyday I feel the same old mistakes brushing up my leg and heading
striaght for my heart. Trying make me sting... stupid memories, I can't shake them away
and they just make me feel everyday regrets. I knew you were leaving, I could feel it
inside. Yet it seemed like life just kept moving on... it never let me stop for a minute
to see how you were doing and I blame myself for not saying good bye. Sometimes I cry
when I think about you... sometimes I wonder why I didn't just go see you. One more
mistake and my heart keeps on aching. I'm not ready for this but even so it kills me.
Everyday regrets about the times i'll never forget and the things I never got to say. I
know your looking down on me trying to console me but in my mind everything went wrong
and I wasn't even there... you just passed right along and I couldn't even hold your
hand. I wanted to be there... I had grown up a lot since this ever ending roller coaster
ride and just as I was getting off the dizziness still hadn't worn off. You were taking
away in the middle of the night... I wasn't even there and that makes me sad. I didn't
hear you voice... I didn't show any remorse and it hurts me deep inside that I will never
see your heart beat again or see you talk to me like you used to do. Everyday Regrets and
I keep on blaming myself in a story that just won't ever end and will continue until I
see your face again. I won't forget, I will remember... I disappointed you and that's all
I can say for now goodbye is hardly the words I ever wanted to say. But now your gone and
i'm living with everyday regrets.
I am alone
In this crowd of empty faces
I have dreamed of many places
To call home
I am broken
There's no chance of fixing me
Who would listen to my plea
It's best unspoken
I am full of envy
The cute kids without special needs
They are flowers among the weeds
Ones families want to see
I am afraid
The years have passed so fast
And I'm down to my last
I feel hope fade
I am aging out
Escorted to the iron gate
In distress about to break
My future's in doubt
I am crying
To a God I do not know
For a miracle to show
To keep from dying
Sponsor: Frank's "I Am Contest"
Everything was set and plans were made
The two Musketeers would become three
The day you finally came
But it all went wrong in the blink of an eye
No heartbeat to hear but they promise no blame
Sometimes life is just this way
Beyond devastation, utter humiliation,
Left to die inside alone
Then my first Musketeer, my best friend
Couldn't hold on anymore and so began his end
Watching the suffering with hands so tightly tied
My heart was exploding but nowhere to hide
I watch in horror as all I loved died
Taking with them all of me
But the tears I nightly cried
A lone Musketeer cannot make it alone
Her horse too feeble as her shack is no home
So I sit and linger these torturous days of agony alone
I see their faces and know they wait for me
Why must I endure this anguish here without them?
And remain in life’s shadows
You flourished and blurred
like a spark on wind
Gracefully and quickly like a frightened hind
in pursuit of light
You harvested through bushy meadows
taken by blight
In struggle with plight
had you lost your might
And gave out
although never you gave up.
Where are you?
For you must be still there.
For I still can feel you
somewhere in the air.
Roam alike the devil I on thy land
Quiet silent without perfect ambition grand,
Wherever peep find people proudly proceed
Solely cede sociably at that no heed.
Sober savory what served me macabre trouble
Little thought of revolution posting my fault double,
Tension not towards God who purifies our soul,
Yet enthralled by each His materialistic power whole.
Their glory to seduce innocent is unreliable claim,
Promoted theft, corruption and forgery as if master game.
Cluster of vampires moving freely enjoying regular thrust
New born dies wanting milk in his mother's breast.
Groaning love lying lurking under pressure worldly power
Cunning crazy wiseacre searching wholly practical hour;
Warns nature recurrent leave polemics be providential,
Provide honest support allow living them all dimensional.
an half-part of his face
painted white as of spirits
& the other side being human
he steps into the esplanade
isn't he the symbol of deity?
didn't ikenga his father do same?
didn't his foremost great fathers
the fathers of the nine clans
the nine clans by this river -
oh, didn't they all do same
in appeasement of this angry niger?
they stood in aware of this flood-gate
of the waters of the millennium -
come, fathers, come, save our souls
the souls of the renegades
of the nine clans by this river -
the floods have taken captive
the boundlessness of your lands
ah, niger, the weeping one!
I wake up in the morning
and the pain begins,
Starvation, beatings, disease
when will it ever end...
There is blood on my elbows
and blood on my knees,
my clothes are torn
I just want to be free...
I am what I am
I guess thats why I'm here,
I've been here three months
And I'm numb with fear...
I pray to God
and ask him why,
what did I do
to deserve to die...
On a sunny clear day,
September 11th came our way.
The planes fell from the sky,
it brought tears to our eyes.
Fathers, Mothers, daughters, sons,
it changed life for everyone.
So bow your heads down and pray,
ask God to show us the way.
For peace and our country we pray,
that there will be a brighter day.
Then the leader in a flash
Sent his bullet through my
Pregnant wife’s stomach,
Sending the bullet out of her
To my little girl’s brain.
He was a killer glutton, for he turned to my
Son’s brain, scattering it,
With his axe, making the brain
Splash on my dazed countenance.
They swiftly and organisingly boundled me up
Amidst my confusion and helpless struggles,
They cut off the veins at the back of my fits,
Leaving me in a river of blood.
Death claimed my home,
His weapons were the Christmas rebels,
On a melancholic Christmas night.
My saddest Christmas ever.
THE END OF THE MATTER…..
By Charles Melody (Lightening Ink)
For all the victims in jos crisis.
Rest in peace.
A kestrel dips into an updraft
thinking he knows the world
through silent valleys
around the earth
through the wind
The creature soars ever higher
in great swoops and dives
the horizon curves as it eludes vision
the stars pulse their siren
but thrill denies
their ambient warning
Gust to gust each fades
quicker than the last
whispers carry the weight of wings
and their soulful song breaches sanity
prayers of rightful good
where petty purple banners
crest twinkling hearts
The last thermal ridden
last lyric dies
as flight’s drone fades
upturned wings alone
the sky empty oblivion
as the sun aligns its beady eye
to the looping path of the bird
Two brittle forms
grapple in light
which blots out the senses
what can never be touched
smites the naive bird
an archangel buried
in a crypt
six feet deep.
“holy candle blues”
in the rust red sunset - angel brother bends his blown glass ear over the wall of eternity listening in on my sweet restless rathouse jam
she entered peeling story-caked walls riding a lightning broom swept me
out to half dippermoon bridge
we swung downtown where
waltzing heirs warmed six-figure derrieres above smorgasbord fires
I faked all the right questions into hell’s Paradise
panting at the emerald city orgasm waiting beneath her olive skin gypsy thin cocktail feast
ignoring the runaway beast
and someone beamed—they make a great couple
as we sweat to god’s blistering last-chance desperate romance bugle call
my ragged sailor heart pirouetting out the hornpipe door over muddy cliffs
on the way down a devil in white linen gown serving dark red obsession wine flaming flambé soft brown coconut limbs
the fly doing backflips in a honey pot
over the lava baked sea
a million miles away
the moaning rusted ship creaked like a red infection begging to be freed from the last ripples in a skin game port
You knew all along prophet of the beautiful tracks
That my ramble played in a forest of doom
I surrender dear monk in the sad samba night
that wind pushed me mountains away
flushed me out of hiding in the prehistoric pubescent
at the piano bar you played me like a thundering chord…till a
midnight candle grabbed the shades
and a fire came roaring down in flames
we crawled like god’s sweet snails to the clear-as-a bell day
glaring up to the dark blue smoke where a cherry red sunset angel rained wild woolen ashes down on love’s last twitch…applauding the singed curtain call
live! live! ... he cried from his bongo perch on heaven street
hot orange coals fading in the chilled breeze
words we’ll never speak again you and I
Unless fate has too much time to deal strange train cards
this harp strung midnight reverie
sad violins hijack innocent dreams and twist the arm of violet coated wishes
In my hidden dark room
holy candle blues…
whispers of sea wind blowing
I have hid mine heart,
Within a prison cell,
Dark and cold,
Whose key, only you hold.
I have buried mine memories,
Within the sands of time,
None is bare,
Those secrets, only you and I
From thenceforth do we part,
From light and into darkness
do I tarry,
E'en to the close of my time.
The memory of you, doth
E'en as the flowers, sprout on
And as the sun, doth shine,
E'en on the viper,
So I, e'en through the curse of
E'en to the sunset of my life,
These memories, a constant
I fear death, not quite death but yours, and not yours but mine
I guess I fear my death in being your survivor, but not quite
I fear grief, that it might consume me once more, but not mine
I guess it is your sorrow and despair at death that is drowning my life
I've been here before; I don't know how I survived or what inside me died
I had so many questions that she never answered; they never left, never died
So your gasping breath brings back my sorrow from that walled in stasis
I teeter on the rim of a well that reaches grief's bottom blackness, I lied
It is not your pain I fear, it's mine. I did not survive her deathbed
I never again lived. I died with her though peace I never found
I don't know if it was her death, my loss, hers, or the death cycle
But the air has stayed musty from graves while I pretended not to care
I don't know if I was there for her, or how she felt that last morning.
My memory lapses with that of the child I was then into dreams of gray
I don't know the pain of death, if it is worse to leave or know you are leaving
I don't know if she found peace or her heart broke for me or because of me.
Sorrow swells as the memories fade in, filling that well with blackness
I know that if I don't fall, it will rise up to suffocate me again
If I jump I will lose myself and never find you to say goodbye
My memory lapses, I think I jumped, did I tell her goodbye?
I fear my grief. Grief is all, nothing before or after exists.
I fear that grief will over shadow my mind and I won't be there
I fear that this sorrow will rob me of the words to say I love you
I fear despair will take my soul and this time I'll have nothing left of home.
How do I ask you to share this life with me when I don't know if I'll survive your death?
How do I ask you to live each day and don't let me run when I ran from her?
How do I ask you to believe in me and don't fear when I fear myself?
How do I ask you to comfort me when I'm too afraid to comfort you?
I never asked her to hold me again, to comfort, because she was the one dying.
What right do I have to ask the sick to comfort the healthy, the dead the living?
And how could I, being the first spirit to die, ask the ones who speak of life still
to comfort the shell I left behind while theirs decays before my eyes?
There are no comforts to sooth the guilt of living, but forgiveness will birth new life.
I see you
I hear you
you must be
You still exist
I still miss you
I see you
I hear you
stay with me
I need thee
unit am I
without an ally
I need you
stay with me
I need thee.
Stuck at the bottom
I'm caving in.
One thought of you not here
Puts me in a claustrophobic nightmare.
I can't wake up.
I may not see you again.
Reality isn't different from my sleep.
I'm still running aimlessly away to nowhere.
I'm so blinded.
Every second is hidden that I'm spinning in circles.
Makes me reckless, violent, purple dead.
Over and over something's wanting me to say
I was a creep for treating you that way.
Can you forgive me?
I promise I won't make you cry.
One more chance I'll be a loyal friend.
Walk to your door.
I'm closing in.
Standing on thin ice there's no turning back.
I'll say it straight out without fumbling.
For once in my life
I confess it was a mess.
Screwed up everything special we had planned.
But now I'm here alone.
Hope is my only invisible ally.
I raise my white flag to the skies.
Will you operate my wounded heart?
The stakes are high.
But I'm willing to continue where we left off
If you have room in your heart for rent.
We laughed and moved in oneness
We played and chatted in happiness
Until the life became darkness
My Friend refused to chat
He said a no! without saying no!
He gave me the best answer for a fool
He remained calm and unmoved, I was moved!
Could my friend have turned a fiend
Not even the eyes to acknowledge my presence....
The elders said I should leave
"Leave my friend?!" Has it come to that
He even reported me?! I'll teach him a lesson...
Oh let's wait till morning, I clapped my little fingers, now hands
Waiting for my friend or even fiend, oh morning, come quickly....
What's going on, morning is that a way to say "morning"
Morning says good "mourning"
Who are these greeting in the morning with mourning?
Looking out to see the mourning, I laughed at the mourning....
The morning I've been waiting for, my friend,
Was placed in a wooding container, ha ha our playing box!
Is this another way to trick me?Okay! let me teach him a lesson!
I can't believe the beautiful Garden, they placed my friends "playing box"
Oh! I see he wants to be playing without inviting me
Walked to the box and was about to revenge....
I smelt something and this smell scares me?
My friend smells pretty bad oh another trick? Ha ha, he farted!
But that smell is different, then I looked around, none seems happy?
I looked closely at our playing box, I saw a white stuff, is he playing "Ghost?"
Oh Ghost! No! Ghost!
My friend! Oh! My friend! I realize and everything worked together in "explaining!"
The fool's answer, the elder's demand....
My friend is finally a fiend
Oh! The dark thoughts!
Oh! The white cloth!
Oh! The black man....
So eloquent the beauty absorbed around you;
You uplifted me by your sweet aroma.
Oh, I'm very sorry to say,
That day in May caused a breath to pay.
You stole my heart away
And cured my parading heartache;
Only if I'd known what would have brought that day,
Then I'd have hidden and gone another time.
I felt plagued and wanted to die;
As a lover would take a shot for you, I'd dodge infinity for you.
Yet only a stranger we both were,
I'm here writing this letter swollen with a million tears of heavy cries.
Maybe it could have been fate that we unofficially met;
A destiny resulting in both loss and gain.
A second's glance is certain to be the catch,
Since here I stand alone in the rain.
A passive reflection of sorrow illuminates from the scar;
My heart begins to beat slowly in rhythm with my eyes.
The ticking of the clock abruptly stops;
"I know you're up there," I finally whisper
Her words had meant a thousand meanings but still i felt no self healing
for i had hurt her, done her wrong, called her a slave and nothing beyond
she was african but i be white, does that make us different
to see through the eyes of life and feel the nature hell bent
So many days had i been white, to insult the african woman who worked so hard
her skin, dry from the planting seasons, her hair so ratted from the water loss outside
but that same night i had called her worthless and slave she bowed her head
and i as well for it was her last wish, and that made it sacred
"Dear Lord" she said as she began her prayer and her eyes filled with tears
her silent stature, blissed with love and pure confinement, shone though
she was african but i be white, does that make us not afraid to die
to fear the darkness of the night and worship all who makes light no questions no why
"May all who recieve thy lord's love, cry to the bloodshed moon
for if man and woman be forgotten the balance of evil and good
will perish and i have seen this for my eyes turned blind by work
but here i sit with the same girl who did so and wish her no harm"
To stand up felt wrong but as she did so i followed out into the pasture
looking about i noticed the cows this african had milked 'um so many
but she was confident and bent down to the dirt that had one blue rose
i bent also not knowing if what i did was because i felt anything that arose
"And dear lord let her memories have soem of my son's
let the very feet he walked with be hers for i know they were strong
fast and smart he was but none know of he except me
but this girl right here will now know of his eternity"
And with that silent prayer sent to the heavens, i too began to cry
our shoulders shaked and our heads bobbed as the night engulfed us once more
she be african but i be white, does that make us sisters
yes, for we have both suffered and lost, loved and cherished, stood and cowered, worked till
death with blisters
(LAMENTATIONS BEFORE DEATH BY A DEPRESSED SON)
YOUR DREAM FOR ME WAS SO DEEP
THAT IS WHY I WAS BORN FOR KEEP.
YOU WANTED ME TO BE A TRUE SON
AND WANTED ME TO SHINE LIKE YOUR SUN-
YOU WANTED ME TO FOLLOW YOUR VALUES;
YOU WANTED ME TO BE IN THE RULES,
AND BE A MASQUERADE OF YOUR OWN
SO THAT YOU BE PLEASED; A SON LONE.
YOU WANTED ME TO BE A CHRISTIAN
AND WANTED ME TO ENTER YOUR TRAIN
OF HOPE AND GOOD LIFE.YES GOOD LIFE.
OH FATHER!HOW I HAVE STRIVED!
I BELIEVE YOU GAVE BIRTH TO THE WORST
OF CHILDREN IN THE MENTAL FROST;
CHILD 'MONG THE WORST, AN ACCURSED.
I AM THAT CHILD WHO IS CURSED-
FORGIVE ME FATHER.I AM SORRY.SORRY .
CAN'T FULFILL YOUR DREAMS;I'M NOT HOLY-
I'M INSTEAD A CHEAT;THIEF,DISGRACE.
I AM A BAD AND BAD FACE-
I AM THAT USELESS SON YOU HAD.
I AM THE BAD CREATURE WITH CRUEL HEART.
FORGIVE FATHER.FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE-
I CANNOT STILL BE YOUR SON;HOW I GRIEVE.
YOU HAVE NO HOPE,DON't DREAM-
YOUR CHILD IS BAD AS ALL SEEMS.
FORGIVE ME FATHER,SWEET FATHER.
GOOD BYE (WEEPS), SORRY FATHER....
I know your pain
Although I don't know what's happening,
I can still feel the vain.
Seems like the beginning is the ending
One moment there's bliss
It feels much like a wet kiss.
But out of nowhere you see a mirror,
"It felt so real," as you stand there alone.
You try to make sense of it all;
Yet everything begins to fall.
"AHHHH!" you scream to the top of your lungs.
Your blue eyes are running waterfalls.
It hurts me to see a single tear,
You're not the only one to hide in the room.
Swallow your tears, don't let it drop,
A splash will only cause more bitter props.
But like I say,
Tomorrow will always bring another day.
So Faith, throw away your thorns,
anticipating a happy God-given next day.
Please forgive me...
Sometimes th' hardships of life,devour Th' Lamb within
Strife n' cares of this world,often render me carnal
Pain and past failures,exhume hideous expressions of hate
Animosity it seems,pacifieth these insurrections too surely
Pardons are non~existant,in these upheavals of melancholy
The abandonings of my love,leaves my soul segregatious
Reckoning runs rampant,for seek of repression's remedy
For an cure for this curse,I long for th' day's dawning
My friends and lovers of fair,I beg your patience for my burdening
In th' finest moment in time,I hope we share bluest skies
For all hearts' desires granted,I would lay myself to rest
Even ones who loathe me,I would not allow their seclusion
If my truest of spirit and flesh,attain symmetry harmon'd...
You will see expressly how precious,you are to my delight'ng
But so many wounds exist,of battles long 'fore fought...
It is of a truth I am,from them all...dying
How to abate the loathing
When words mean nothing?
There are moments
In human existence
against baleful fate
One is left
with his thoughts
by all gods
by the world vile
gave him birth
in every spot
on the Earth
Where does his heart belong to
Never will he learn
How to console such a man
When all words would burn?
How to abate the loathing
When words mean nothing?
Don't be afraid to go back in time and see the life you lived.
Artificial smiles in a world stained with pain.
People you trusted, you deemed as your friends.
Only later they were icing on a cake. No one's understood you.
A book by its cover, they threw you away.
Your heart's vulnerable, breaking to pieces day-after-day.
Don't give up. It's not the end.
If everyone's turned their backs on you, know I'll be always there for you 'till the end.
Like shadows that never fade, it's inevitable for your angel not to walk away.
So don't look down in tears. Just take my hand and I'll kill away the pain.
I'll do all that I can to help you shine bright once again.
Through death and hell, I'll forever be your friend.
On a bed of nails, we won't turn pale.
Don't give up. It's not the end.
When everyone's turned their backs on you,
know I'll be always there for you even after my end.
Six feet under, my heart won't mend.
Everything that has an ending has a beginning in the end.
It's not the other way around.
So turn around, my dear, 'cause it's time to leave our mark.
It's the series finale of what had been.
Two will become One.
One will leave a legacy for the world to learn its inconsistencies.
Let's hit the reset and see the bliss tonight.
Because the end is not the end.
From Chicago to Washington
Guns play their fatal crescendo
Not much glissando
Too many musicians
Or too many instruments?
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING LIGHT
FOR I WEEP AS I WRITE
THESE WORDS QUESTIONING OUR DESTNIES
WHICH ARE PERHAPS HEADING FOR CALAMITIES-
WHAT ABOUT THE WIND?
WHAT OF THE RAIN?
WHAT ABOUT THE EARTH,
WHICH SEEMS TO BE MEETING ITS DEATH?
WHAT ABOUT OUR HAPPINESS?
WHAT ABOUT THE LAUGHTER?
WILL IT CEASE FROM EXISTENCE?
WHAT ABOUT THE ALLIANCE WITH GOD?
WHAT ABOUT WHISTLING BIRDS?
WHAT ABOUT GUSHING WINDS?
WHAT ABOUT DANCING GIRLS?
WHAT ABOUT SUNRISE?
WHAT ABOUT PLAYING CHILDREN?
WHAT ABOUT GENTLE PARADISE,
SET FOR US BY OUR GOD?
WHAT OF TOMORROW's HUMANITY?
THE EARTH STANDS CULPABLE
IN THE EYES OF THE CHRIST WHO MAY WEEP
AS HE PRESIDES ON THE LAST DAY.
WILL YOU LIKE THAT?
Don’t let guilt be the drive that takes you away
Eventually everything you feel emotionally will be
Honestly I never thought I’d care so much that
But, I miss you and I know now that I’m wrong…
Why did god have to take you away?
Couldn’t he see you’re still needed here?
Mom needs you and so do your kids.
Dad pretends not to care but inside the feelings
Why did you leave, you should’ve fought harder to
We miss you as the days go by.
I see your face every time I close my eyes.
But it’s not the same without you here today.
With you gone the days just fade away..