I’m Physically and Emotionally tired
I don’t want to be the strong one anymore
I can’t this time
I don’t know what to do Daddy
I need your help down here
I can’t get back in control of my emotions
I’m having a hard time dealing with your absence
I’m having a hard time standing by myself
I need your help Daddy
I’m broken and lost without you Daddy
I need your will to want to carry on
I need your strength to over come this
I need your strength to stay standing
Your courage to fight back again
I need your help
Please Daddy I’m at a loss
How am I suppose to do this
I need your guidance
I need you to guide me back
To whom I was before
I need your help Daddy
I need your help
This is about a man whose name is Jesse
Born In Kansas and raised in Missouri
Was called to fight for his beloved country
And assigned to defend an outlying territory
Jesse fought as hard as any American would
For freedom and democracy he did everything he could
For Uncle Sam, even in danger steadfast he stood
Believing in his heart that everything will turn out good
He was with the Death March in Bataan
But he was helped to escape by his special someone
Josie was the name of this special woman
Who walked along with the March since it began
It was in the territory that he met Josie
A woman whose dad was from Cincinnati
The two fell in love cause they had chemistry
They had their first child in nineteen forty three
In forty four he was again captured by the Japanese
He was already sick cause he caught a disease
Was taken to a prison camp and placed under lock and keys
In the end the harsh conditions led to his demise
Josie tried to look for his grave but failed
She couldn't do anything and in sadness she wailed
There were reports that he died in the hell ship as it sailed
But to get proof to the true cause of his death we have failed
Jesse died in January of nineteen forty five
Stories about him that Josie told kept him alive
In the heart of his descendants his memories survive
Love for him in their hearts continues to thrive
But every time I go to bed and close my eyes
I see his face and think of the truth that I despise
My whole body stiffens and I get as cold as ice
Sadly thinking that still, in an unknown grave he lies
(For my grandfather US Army 2nd Lt. Jesse C. Boak of the 33rd Infantry
Regiment, who was declared MIA in WWII. His body was never found and true
cause of his death was never known.His name is listed in the Tablets of the
Missing at the Manila American Cemetery and on a Memorial Monument at the
State of Missouri
Grandpa even though I never got the chance to really know you I will always be
proud of you-JEB)
JESSE C. BOAK
2nd Lt. US Army
Awards: Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart with 2 Oak Leaf Clusters
How Blessed is she, to be with Thee
My only Prayer, she waits for me
With clouds in the sky, I sit and Cry
Why so young, did she have to die?
My Broken Heart has LOVE denied
I remember her kiss, A Heavenly Bliss
The love in her eyes, I intensely miss
I reminisce of Forever LOVE, so pure
Her Heart of gold, shall always endure
A Broken Heart, Her LOVE is the cure
Softly singing, are the Bagpipes and Fife
In Honor of my Dearest Most Beloved Wife
Living the joyful fulfillment of Eternal Life
FOREVER and ALWAYS I whisper my LOVE
Until We Entwine again , in HEAVEN Above
Inspired By Dr. Ram Mehta's Contest : " ELegy "
Dedicated in Memory of Lenore Ellen (Adams) Johnson
Just one more time,
just one more breath,
just one more moment to remember the past,
lull in thy memories,
breathe in thy essence,
to look upon thy face,
to know you still care,
to know what we had was special,
to be preserved in preferred memories.
Where I am going I know naught.
Floating as if in limpid water currents,
languor reaching but finding not,
solitary enraged soul longing for one more kiss,
one kiss whence naught.
Malformed monsters feast
upon the vermin ravishing mine soul,
my tender heart loathing sunset’s rays enfold,
nighttime beseech me, broken heart unfold.
Another night shine through tears,
summoned by memories a hundredfold,
putrid time consumes life;
Cruel Life Sleeps.
Once again he climbs the hills above the salty bay
and walks along the path through fields where she used to play.
His silver hair and tattered clothes blowing in the wind,
that whispers the name of his sweet darling Carolynn.
He sits upon a rock and looks out to the water,
and once again she comes to him, his precious daughter;
through the ghostly floating mist, he sees her smiling eyes,
those eyes where forever more, his heart and soul reside.
She takes his hand and leads him to the fields of clover;
to that place on the cliff that the old tree grows over;
and he sees the rope tied 'round the bough of that old tree,
and feels the sunshine on his face, hears the humming bees.
His heart begins to pound, like a hammer in his chest,
as she runs with glee towards the overhanging crest;
he tries to stop her, but his feet stay froze to the ground;
he screams to no avail, being deaf she hears no sound.
She laughs and waves goodbye as she grabs the braided rope
and runs with all her might and swings out above the slope
and in that moment, he hears the snapping of the bough,
and he sees her dangling there, high above the brow.
He sees her startled eyes and he hears her helpless cries,
just before she falls on to the rocks below and dies.
He falls to his knees screaming and crawls out to the edge,
and when he looks below, he knows that he too is dead.
And they find him forty years from that fateful day,
Hanging from the old oak tree, where she used to play.
Every Everyday I feel the same old mistakes brushing up my leg and heading
striaght for my heart. Trying make me sting... stupid memories, I can't shake them away
and they just make me feel everyday regrets. I knew you were leaving, I could feel it
inside. Yet it seemed like life just kept moving on... it never let me stop for a minute
to see how you were doing and I blame myself for not saying good bye. Sometimes I cry
when I think about you... sometimes I wonder why I didn't just go see you. One more
mistake and my heart keeps on aching. I'm not ready for this but even so it kills me.
Everyday regrets about the times i'll never forget and the things I never got to say. I
know your looking down on me trying to console me but in my mind everything went wrong
and I wasn't even there... you just passed right along and I couldn't even hold your
hand. I wanted to be there... I had grown up a lot since this ever ending roller coaster
ride and just as I was getting off the dizziness still hadn't worn off. You were taking
away in the middle of the night... I wasn't even there and that makes me sad. I didn't
hear you voice... I didn't show any remorse and it hurts me deep inside that I will never
see your heart beat again or see you talk to me like you used to do. Everyday Regrets and
I keep on blaming myself in a story that just won't ever end and will continue until I
see your face again. I won't forget, I will remember... I disappointed you and that's all
I can say for now goodbye is hardly the words I ever wanted to say. But now your gone and
i'm living with everyday regrets.
When my eyes close for the last time
I hope to have touched so many in my
Life time on my journey of life
Those I meet and left behind
With my smile and loving heart
That never discriminated
And hated in justice felt from the heart
When love it was from deep with in
Protected with faith those loved
And held closes to my heart
Never hated but forgave those who
Try to keep me down and kill my faith
To those who shed a tear for me
I hope to wipe dry with my love not gone
For my loving heart lives on with in each
And every one who knew me as big as my height
I will be with you in heart and spirit
For you will keep alive every time you think of me
Remember the good memories
Relive them when you feel sad that I am gone
For I will be in a better place at rest
Waiting to reunite with each and every one
Much love always
The final step
Someday, lone shall I lie,
Gazing at the starry sky,
Flanked by the shady trees,
And fondled by the cool breeze.
Blossoms shall adorn my grave,
Nothing more my heart shall crave,
Moon beams will linger on me,
Though still and cold I shall be.
No more dreams to dwell on,
Nor any dreams to bank upon,
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain,
Not even my memory shall remain.
As before, the sun shall shine,
Then shall come the rain,
But my heart shall bear no pain
Nor leave anything, that is mine.
May there be none to wipe a tear,
For sorrows no more need I bear,
And only peace shall in me surge,
Nature! When with Ye, I merge.
To see her blog, adorned with pastel tones
Widens the gap that pervades my bones
For now we eat her passing meal of plain white rice
Leaving us all alone, without much needed fashion advice
The red light district has lost an inductee
For I would have love to be involved in her naked party
Yet for now we must all be content
With the debauched path she hath went.
Sadness invades a binary world
Where tweeters and bloggers hearts have curled
Bringing back memories of Madonna’s ‘Like A Virgin’
Her fashion advice precise like a mastoplexic surgeon
I remember the fervour when you were followed by Kath Kidston
A similar experience when I had my first Jar of Branston
Yet when you found out the intensity with which I was following you
You wanted to change species and become a Gnu
You learnt to accept my frequent outpourings of love
When you finally spoke to me, I felt as free as a pure white dove
But upon your departure I feel pathetic and hollowed
The best I can hope for is the number of one of the hot bloggers you followed
She was always my muse, my intimate inspiration
No-one can cause such an outpouring of personal perspiration
My heart now yearns to see her type a special tweet
One that would make Mr Sexton act like a dog on heat
Now the world mourns the passing of Lily Fulvio-Mason
I can still see her face reflected in my wash basin
With every heart beat, every full blooded pulse
My sadness streaked blood makes my body convulse
But now it’s time to go, my heart says goodbye
The pain eats my nipples like the Syrphid Fly
I can finally see your body laid in an eternal rest
And now I can now finally uncover your breast.
My heart egos and my life drained from me
Simple life I live, I act as I know all
But I know not, no, not even a little
I earnestly seek for recognitions
But my life and my heart is a hole.
An empty vessel, soulless, loveless
I have been succumb by the pain of heart aches
I have become a broken man,
Know not what my future holds
I envy those who went before me, who were acknowledge
I hold on to the little shred of hope in me,
I am being drowned by my own sorrows.
Love, hate, a new beginning and ending of my old self never seems to happen
My wrath against my enemies is nothing for they humor me with insults.
Let not death come to me in misery and despair,
For life is full of joy and full of sorrows.
Love me, as who would love a stranger from nowhere.
Let my sorrows be taken away by the love of many
But at last, no one would.
Don’t cry for me, for no one knows me
They came before my grave and said “who is this man?”
“Why is the name not written?”
It is not written because I am nothing
Don’t shed a tear for the stranger such as me.
Life is like a dream on a calm sea,
As the captain gracefully steer and gently moves its rudder.
The passenger puts their lives in his hands,
A calm sea is the heaven of any sailor.
“So, where is my captain?”
The wind blows every so gently,
But my heart sinks gently into the sea;
Who will mourn for the stranger?
Drowned from my grief,
My faith begins to waver like a ship tossed around by the winnowing wind
My heaven, my calm sea turns against me as I sail the Galilean sea
“Where are thy words that calm the raging storm?”
Ay! I have no peace even in my passing.
I have not thy words of command,
For my faith has been tossed away by the hating winds,
Shallow, empty, and broken I lay here in an unnamed grave.
Only thy mercy will guide me to the third heaven!
Let my sorrows be washed away by the blood of the innocent lamp.
Let thy words be the honey drops for mine,
As this world knows only lies
Blinded by greed and lust,
They seek only to destroy of what they fear.
And my sorrows are tossed away by thy promises.
For thy compassion for lost sheep is great.
"Have I found peace?"
I have, for I know my heart is at rest when my body has aged
And my salvation has come
When I died with thy Words of truth
As tears flow from my reddened eyes
I can see what I have purely missed
As I look up to the dark grey skies
I will always remember our first fist
I sit here and think of your face
The first time I saw your light fluffy cheeks
I always wanted to lay my head on that place
Even when I was buried in my girlfriend’s twin peaks.
You never knew my love for you
I waited until it was too late
I often yearned for a way through
Both your heart and your front gate.
But now you’ve passed away
Slipped through my limp and lifeless fingers
But I still yearn for that fortuitous day
And the smell of your tobacco colour coat still lingers.
As I stare at my homage dedicated to you
I can feel a heart shaped hole called ‘Noah’
My body is conflicted, I don’t know what to do
It’s such a shame that you were found in pieces underneath a lawnmower.
So many holes, and opportunities now
I feel my body grow harder
For you Noah would only allow
One hole to be ventured in farther
As you led there erotically
on the grass that day
with your legs so lovely
I couldn’t take my eyes away
So I didn’t see
The lawnmower draw near
The blades running free
And beginning to career
Ever closer to your toes
To impoverish your heart
I’m the only one who knows
How a love like this does start
To think I won’t see you again
Striding majestically down the Bath Road
And, protecting your shoulders from the rain
Your little tobacco coloured coat
I wish I had been able to say
All this to you when you were alive
I came so close once, that fateful day
When we were standing outside the Beehive
Your hair was golden in the glow
Of the solitary standing streetlamp
Yet still, you couldn’t ever know
My feeling for you or my heart would cramp
And now you’re dead you selfish thing
You’ll never hear me speak these thoughts
You’ll never feel me ‘flap my wings’
Or ogle me as I cavort
But now you’re in the ground
In the darkness and despair
But I have now created a mound
Where I can collect your hair
My heart is soaked in liquid salt
My clothes cling to my body
Although I know that it’s no-one fault
Staring at you was my favourite hobby
Now it’s time to say goodbye
My lovely little pet
My heart still yearns, my eyes still cry
Although we never met
the rain becomes autumn
and autumn becomes rain
there is a Gold Surviving System
(GSS) around the brain
with unexpected creatures
who lift the modern burden
of being so involved
in glass rotating hours
curriculum vitae sleep
and we call this LOVE
and we fall in a drop
among yellow leaves.
You told me,
Just to write a poem.
You did not tell me whether
It would be nimble lined,
What meter, what rhyme?
Nor did you tell of the matter --
Of love, fantasy or despair;
Or of friendship, business, or repair.
Here I write for you
Like some beads on a grass
Just like the dew
I wrote for you!
her kisses were gossomer cold...honest
she devoured every star on which she rode
at times, amber spirits would peal the veneer
expose the pulp of her mind...scarred...
one night the shine sprinted from her grasp,
living dullened that wild horse stride...
she curled up in my heart palm,
wilted and worn-like a scorched flower
slashed by the lightning streaks of life...
told me she was frightened of it all
at times she wished to be weak,( to sow strength?)
to be legless, aimless( to polish the stride of her wandering being?)
at the end she devolved
her heart became a cloud high paper wall,
on which everyone scribbled their hate...
but nobody breeched her heart like i did
that is our legacy...screw them all...
a smear of black and red petals in the morning frost...
a frost ,that for now kisses all my dreams
she was strength- weakness
a rainbow of disease
complete...in this brevity called her life.
I MOURN WITH YOU PROFESSOR
Shadow and mirage are thesame;
The former is never a substance
And the latter never an oasis.
But the death of a child is both:
Hope is dashed and respite betrayed
Leaving only behind the pain of rising utility
That often comes from the nostalgia of reality...
I mourn with you Professor.
do not rejoice o’er her tho’ she lieth down
she still lives on: she still speaks to our clan
as long as moon or star or sun does in an
untiring journey like an old minstrel drums
along the many hazy river alleys thornfill’d
oh, death, thou shouldst speak unproudly
here beside our lively mother’s grave-stones -
thou art too timid & fearful to take the truth:
thou, death, were dead years back on a pole
where bled her saviour, our saviour – nay!
death, thou shouldst be shame-fill’d or art
thou too hasty to strike her down with a bow
that her saviour had broken on the cross?
do not rejoice o’er her tho’ she lieth down
she still lives on: she still speaks to our clan.
I stood by the periphery…
gracelessly doling derivative remarks
(all that is rhetorical in rhetoric and blatant in denial)
upon my comrades, the dust shot Sandinistas of midsummer masochism,
the caliphs of ‘Baltic Bay’.
“The armistice laid flowers upon
the salt seasoned lip of the hatch-backed hawk…”
Blood fell passively between his heartbroken legs,
siphoned from each and every available pore;
the oxygenated irony of pneumatic Gnosticism:
“The desert was a beach.”
They say that war is a catalytic catharsis, a palatial reprieve,
without languid logic or porous rationality,
the emancipation of masculinity,
castrated by the wire…
I thought it was hell… I was taught to think otherwise…
The torrential shards of verbal promiscuity
stole light unto the fore,
the parochial labyrinth of incandescent egotism,
Rare, poached howitzers… laden with anxiety
bore slight from the barbed-wire battalion
of ill-fitting idiots,
shuffling their feet, settling their nerves,
sealing their fate with
slack pot meandering midst snip sniped surprise.
“The technicality of principalities, dukedoms and deceit,
tune the tuneless melody and save your soul from hate. “
Their calibre unknown, their reasons unfounded…
the calypso calling cantaloupes of entrepreneurial acumen
shot black with dusk… slid unto the night.
Corporal rationale: “Half an hour of ambiguity…”
Lieutenant liquidation: “Twenty minutes of woe…”
Collective privacy: “Ten minutes of philistine philanthropy…”
Collective piracy: “Five minutes of... … ….”
Towel clenched soviets, eager and resentful,
scape-goaded the photographic horde into meagre submission…
subverting the course of justice.
Rented Kalashnikovs rattled ravenous replies…
once, twice, three times a corpse…
“Androgyny and xenophiles, the pasteurised provocateur…
draped in Prada propped dynamics, mechanically aware…”
Desiccant faeces flew five feet into the air;
the aluminium gilded lavatories received the short end of the stick,
literally liquidated within (without) the… humdrum humidity.
Gabriel dictated the proceedings.
The abortive restraint of sycophantic silencers
and Hassidic hallucinations,
graced by a political patriarchy…
urinating upon the synthetic soil.
Old age is a strange time you have no future and tend
to look back to what was is a dream.
How long does old age last?
My wife and I are closer than ever, but are we clinging
to a life buoy of eternity?
I look at her, she has problem walking looks st me
and we both think the same.
So used you to each strength and weaknesses,
how is she or she going to survive?
We have come to a point when our arguments are
a declaration of love.
The coward I’m I hope to go before her I can’t cope
with the aftermath that can cause
resentment that fester for another generation.
And in early mornings I touch a warm body listening
to her gentle breathe glad to be alive.
I find it strange coming home
and not seeing you this evening
I know I shall never see your eyes again
but I shall always feel their gaze
anytime thoughts of you come to my mind
I can still hear your pitiful moan
the first day I kept you in the kennel
Forgive me for not realizing
that a spirit like yours
was not meant to be caged
After you were set free
how different and alive you looked
jumping around in the yard
with those precise energetic leaps
So goodbye my little Gypsy
I shall never see you again
but you will always dwell
in that secret spot in my heart
Thank you for the beauty
you brought into my life
November 4, 2013
Where birds are two
We ask:where is the eagle?
Where trees are two
We ask: where is iroko?
Where men become two
We ask: where is Okonkwo?
Gut in the forest of Titans
He roared in the jungle and
Frightened those in the streets;
He stood the wrath of a tiger:
Made morsel of his gut
And status-jacket of its skin
Since then he wore not goat's skin
His was tiger's batik.
Because of fight,he rested his head on pestles
Because of fear,he knitted his heart with cables;
In battle, he killed in dozens;at home,
He marched on dozen fowls
If we did not see him in battle field
Did we not see him at home?
When fear was wild
With its tongue of flame and fangs of blood
Only Okonkwo stood,stood akimbo and spat:
Which chick eats beads like beans?
Which puppy eats elephant's scapula?
Which demon stands Chinua Achebe?
When woodpecker pecks trees
Does it also peck plantain tree?
When thunder strikes,
Its honour is certain:
Songo king of pebbles
Masqurade in war front
He that we could not confront
And lobbied the bully to wrestle
But made the bully's skull his cup
Man of brawn, man of brain.
Where is Okonkwo?
Big Iroko that blunted axes
Where is Okonkwo?
Bellows that spat fire and melted metal;
I say where is Okonkwo?
Sheath that swallowed sword
And locked out its handle
For Chinua Achebe ,the author of : Things Fall Apart.
Sing a song of Taj Mahal
A landmark of lovers
And a lover's edifice
With medieval bowers
Tis a mecca for tourists
Tis sensational, tis exceptional,
tis truly a touristy place
Watch the shine and shimmer
of its magnificent marbled
By the glimmer of moonlight
or sunlight, it's imperial chrome
So it's ironical then
that though Indian I am
I haven't yet been to this
It is truly as they must say, a
A place where hearts tend to
They find it steamy
I find it dreamy
Oh I've to see for myself this
Each of the marbled minarets
conceal some romantic secrets
For lovers to silently explore
To admire and to adore
A place few lovers could ignore
Ah, you've got to visit this
Two famed lovers lie in the
legendary vault below
and the stream too has a
A lover's haven, a paradise on
Even dead passions there
undergo a new rebirth
Ah rekindle my love in this
Extol I may this awesome
A greed for pure love is
perhaps better than avarice
So sing a song of Taj Mahal
A nice nazm or a great ghazal
So forever we have this
Ah take me my love to this
Men are gone
Babies dis flowered
We are gone astray
We are wounded
We are not all well
We bleed, we scream
Yet no one hears us
Roses turned to brown
I wont go there
I wont go- i wont go
We are lost in the dust
Yesterday was better
Today it becomes worst
And we complain not
It seems like we are
left in the midst of confusion
We are gone- we are gone.
I picture Kashmir through lightened KL. News of another massacre darkens my eyes
Winds are thirsty there. They continue to taste the young blood.
I groom myself with exquisite things,
Sipping ice tea in ac room, I comfort myself
And Kashmir burns. Kashmir set ablaze
I can smell the warm blood of beaten corpse
Where from winds bought this smell. Somewhere Karbala reborn.
Mosques are being slammed
There windows stoned. And the black boots leave their footprints on Mimber
Even God judges on evidence
There is one Imaam left now; he hides her daughters in his shadow
A blunt knife in his hands; soon he will sacrifice them to keep their innocence
Kashmir is burning. Kashmir is bleeding
And I write.
Army jeep chases the tracks. To find the associated bodies
They are alive now. Soon they will be dead
From Patan to Sopor, And in narrow passages of nostalgic downtown
Ghosts of curfew
Haunt the houses for young souls.
From the Kupwara cantonments, search lights chase emptiness
Nothing is left now. Search lights can’t see inside the graves
A boy there went missing for two days. His father starts digging his grave.
I put my earphones on and I close my eyes. I sleep
While my Kashmir is ablaze
“It’s me poor farmer’s son. Kupwara’s charm, I feel no pain”.
I see him so alive in my dreams.
He chants songs of Mahjoor from his burnt lips. My hands shiver. He has no finger nails.
I see his smoke tanned skin. Same as that of Khayam’s barbeques
He stands at a distance from me. I can still smell kerosene
“Tell my mother to let her heart become cold. Her heart will not bear my state.
Tell my mother to let her eyes become blind. Her eyes will not withstand my sight.”
I follow him towards his tortured body. He tells me to follow the spilled blood.
His blood has made its own Jhelum. I row on it. Until it gets lost in black boots
The story will turn into legend. I find his body no more.
On the streets silence prevails. Nobody has permission to wail.
Sisters are beatifying coffins while brothers look for stones.
For bullets there will be stones
Kashmir is ablaze. She is wailing in grotesque tones.
In Lal Ded hospital a new born cries: Father register me at cantonment then take me out
Death is recruiting in dozens at a time.
Tomorrow is curfew. Death has no curfew pass.
How they want to identity you. Becomes your identity
People burn up all you identity cards.
-DECEMBER 25,2:37 AM-
SHE WAS THINNING 'WAY-
HER COLOUR GOING GRAY
WHILE SHE DROWNED IN SWEAT:
"GERALD,HAVE YOU SLEPT?"
HER VOICE SO OLD,
AND GAVE ME THE COLD.
BUT HOW COULD I SLEEP
WHILE MUM'S LIFE COULD CREEP...?
I HAD BEEN CRYING
WEEPING AND WEEPING
SILENTLY FOR HER-
MY MOTHER WAS DYING..
I CREPT FROM MY BED:
NO LIGHTS; POOR AND SAID-
I HELD HER WEAK HANDS-
COLD WITHOUT LIFE'S TAN:
I HEARD HER BREATHING-
AND MY HEART CRAVING
FOR MAMA'S GOOD HEALTH.
"BUT," I ASKED MYSELF:
"WHY MUST SHE SUFFER
NEAR A WEEPING SON?"
AND WHERE WAS FATHER?
HE WAS DEAD AND GONE.
I WEPT AS I THOUGHT.
"RETURN TO YOUR COT,
YOU NEED A NIGHT'S SLEEP."
SHE SPOKE, MY HEART LEAPED.
"I SHALL BE HERE UNTIL
DEATH IS NOT FULFILLED-
YOU SHALL NEVER DIE
ELSE I SHALL GHASTLY CRY."
SHE PRESSED ME TO HER HEART
AND GAVE ME A GENT' PAT.
"GERALD,PLEASE LET US SLEEP
AND MY SON DO NOT WEEP.
"IF I DIE, THEN GOD CALLED
CAUSING WEEPS TO COME FORTH-
BUT DO PRAY FOR MY SOUL,
TO REST IN HAVEN'S HOLD."
"BUT MUM," I CRIED."DO STOP."
"SON," SHE CONTINUED."DEATH
IS INHERENT TO LIFE.
DEATH COMES 'ROUND AS WE STRIVE."
I TOOK HER HANDS IN MINE
FEELING THEM FREEZING,KIND:
-THUS ENDED HER EARTHLY STAY,
WHILE I STILL HAD MUCH TO SAY.....
...AND EVERY LAUGHTER EVAPORATED
FROM MY FACE AS EVERY CHRISTMAS
BRINGS SAD MEMORIES
BACK TO MIND......
CONTEST NAME-"Saddest" Christmas Ever
SPONSOR-Constance La France
x T x
I have no complaints from life without you
but without you this life doesn’t seem like life....
May God forgive me,
I know I’m wrong, so very wrong....
This heart still beats for you,
These eyes still dream of you,
We met when you couldn’t be mine,
So why did we cohort.....
You said you Loved me, but couldn’t be mine
Why then did I relent,
Why did I become yours
Why did i lose myself......
Your charm bewitched me
Your charismatic personality allured me
You touched my life
You touched my soul,
You left a desire i never knew before
You left your mark, a void that can't be filled....
How easily you say to me close this chapter of your life,
Go build a new life.....
You became my dream, still
I accept you'll never be mine....
You will build your life
how do i stop....
This heart from yearning for you,
These eyes from searching for you,
These hands from reaching out to text u....
your number i still remember
but..... stop my hands
as i remember your request
'close this chapter'
My nights are lonely,
as are my crowded days
You are my only awakening thought
first and last of the day...
What would i not give to lose myself
in those blue eyes, once again
.... how they looked at me, i'll never forget!
Memories are all i have.....
I have no complaints from life without you
.......it goes on,
but without you this life doesn’t seem like life.
I know i'm wrong, so very wrong...
May God forgive me
The Jaguar has
I wish they taught more about
Heartbreak in English class;
That I would see your face
In stormclouds, when
Bronze from the sunset scribbles
Our names in the sky.
It is happening every day.
I am no prize
In my Rossington-Collins band teeshirt
And deliberately torn jeans,
Sitting on the end of the street-
The place where horizon brush strokes
She was thinning 'way-
Her color going gray
While she drowned in sweat:
"Gerald, have you slept?"
Her voice so old,
And gave me the cold.
But how could I sleep
While mum's life could creep...?
I had been crying
Weeping and weeping
Silently for her-
My mother was dying..
I crept from my bed:
No lights; poor and said-
I held her weak hands-
Cold without life's tan:
I heard her breathing-
And my heart craving
For mama's good health.
"But," I asked myself:
"Why must she suffer
Near a weeping son?"
And where was father?
He was dead and gone.
I wept as I thought.
"Return to your cot,
You need a night's sleep."
She spoke, my heart leaped.
"I shall be here until
Death is not fulfilled-
You shall never die
Else I shall ghastly cry."
She pressed me to her heart
And gave me a gent' pat.
"Gerald, please let us sleep
And my son do not weep.
"If I die, then god called
Causing weeds to come forth-
But do pray for my soul,
To rest in haven's hold."
"But mum," I cried. "do stop."
"Son," she continued. «Death
Is inherent to life.
Death comes 'round as we strive."
I wept as i watched her shiver
While her pale lips quivered
As she struggled out, ''Goodbye.''
I took her hands in mine
Feeling them freezing, kind:
-thus ended her earthly stay,
While i still had much to say.....
Another son is dead, until five he lived.
For his long life at Shah-Hamdan he had threads tied
“Shehij ninder yee nai. Gahas Kormakh Khudayas Hawale”, his mother cries.
No news can penetrate across the mountains. Satellites work here no more
My Kashmir burns. And no one knows.
An old woman with torn scarf sits besides fire. While feeding her neighbor’s child
She sighs. Is my son dead or alive? She silently cries.
In Madrasa I hear children reciting Quran. A girl’s come out dragging her feet.
I remember her from somewhere. I remember her seeing naked.
Oh! God she is the one who was raped.
Nights have turned pitch black. My eyes are losing the habit of sight
Midnight soldier’s set another house ablaze. At least there is some sort of light.
Many letters have been written to God. Postcards posted of those raped girl’s
But its curfew again. No post office deliver’s the message again.
Death comes from everywhere. Close your windows mother
For bullet respects no womb. It turned Gulistans into tombs.
From the plains the visitors come to visit their God’s
They are our only witnesses but hypocrites at heart.
They say paradise is kaasmir. While my Kashmir is ablaze
They testify against us. Is anybody witnessing this? No one at all
Be witness to at least this. Open up your eyes my Lord!
When paradise is painted with colors of hell, certainly divinity loses its grace
In the news the reporter is beaten. Bamboo sticks are hungry for human blood.
Let Kashmir go to hell. A new promise in their portfolio.
Threads have given up at Dastegeer’s place. Even they are horrified at our fate.
In Maisuma boys are dragged by police. They close their dreams, end their screams
In a police gypsy.
Men shape into monsters when they are given right to anarchy.
The gypsy drives them into the dark cantonments. They will remember this day
Interrogation officer comes. After celebrating his son’s birthday.
The winds from the cantonments bring their news
Burned tires around their necks. Burning stoves near their heads.
The knife tearing up their flesh.
And the boys cry, “We haven’t batted yet. Cricket. We know nothing”.
Death wants children to be headlines
Hunger has affected the heavens as well.
Graves are full. No more space left.
We need land of the plains. For our graves.
In the ac car the bureaucrat goes. The mother’s with search full eyes
Ask about their sons they lost. They drink their tears
And he sips champagne.
So eloquent the beauty absorbed around you;
You uplifted me by your sweet aroma.
Oh, I'm very sorry to say,
That day in May caused a breath to pay.
You stole my heart away
And cured my parading heartache;
Only if I'd known what would have brought that day,
Then I'd have hidden and gone another time.
I felt plagued and wanted to die;
As a lover would take a shot for you, I'd dodge infinity for you.
Yet only a stranger we both were,
I'm here writing this letter swollen with a million tears of heavy cries.
Maybe it could have been fate that we unofficially met;
A destiny resulting in both loss and gain.
A second's glance is certain to be the catch,
Since here I stand alone in the rain.
A passive reflection of sorrow illuminates from the scar;
My heart begins to beat slowly in rhythm with my eyes.
The ticking of the clock abruptly stops;
"I know you're up there," I finally whisper
It was a long time ago
When I first saw your face
And I knew in that instant
My heart was captured in grace.
But how could I know,
If your heart opens its door?
I’m a stranger you don’t know,
Someone you haven’t seen before.
Oh have I tried?
To capture your eye
Oh have I failed?
With tears on my eye.
It was a short time before
When I first talked to you.
Your voices are honey to my ears
And your smile just wiped my tears.
Surely I didn't know
That your smiles are all deceitful
Your lips were speaking out lies
And your beauty was wolves disguise.
I never knew it for sure
Why my heart is still not cure
Its wound was just too painful
And its beat was unsecured.
I wanted you to understand
That all I want is to be your friend
But I didn't know I was speaking the lies
When deep down I was screaming “Good-bye!”
Ever did I believe?
That you would treat me like a thief.
After all those I have tried
You act like I’m a spy.
You’re angels for adults,
But devil to the others.
You have beauty on the outside,
But ugliness kept inside.
I won’t regret of loving you
Nor regret of needing you.
For my heart knew its true love
And it’ll forgive what had happened above.
But I regret a thousand times
For choosing you at first sight
And yes I do regeret more
For playing on love when I was bore.
Haven’t I known your true face now?
But look at me, I still allow
My two-face heart to fall in lust
With the person who’s got no trust!
I called you in a million times
You put me out just one try
My patient had no longer last
And my tears began to dry.
Should I say “Good-bye my love”?
Or should I cry “When will I’m heard”?
It’s just too simple for now I get
That I just wanted to be your friend.
Twixt Autumn graves and still waves
wrapped in silent beauty she sleeps
Violet hue and faint dew
in her heart my love she keeps
Resting now after the battle
she had fought hard to save me
Fallen 'tween the columns and tombstones
none can wake her, only she
Will she ever wake?
What will it take
to bring her love back to me
Tomorrow is a luxury she forsakes
even as my heart breaks
She slumbers and together we will never be
My heart aches when I behold
my blood trading me for gold
So is it when a friend of foe
contributes to my woe
Even those I confided in
I was shocked to
see them as Judas
who bartered christ for silver
Now I know humans
They are like cactus tree
If you lean on it
It will drink your blood
His heart is serpent
disguised with a flowering face
If you see a man
and a beast
Spare the beast
Kill the man
The snake that tempted
man might be saved
Let tortured be man
He is a rat
Not a friend of cat
Alas! You are a traitor man.
I too have come to a blank wall to tell
In sorrow's thronging pangs my sad farewell.
I too toll my heart with memory's bell
The mortal flesh is a fake citadel ...
Brim me with tears so colors now supplied
May be the rainbow shuttered when you died
In flesh alone. Heaven's milk is my tears
Honeyed for the sting of mercenary years.
It was not easy for the mud was black
A mother's incessant rain, the dry sun
Of a father - a whip saddling the back
And yet a child with gift lifts any ton
Of dreams. So stellar of Jackson Five
You shot across my teenage sky with Ben
As your feet scurrying like a bright hive
Spun and twist and slide like a magic pen.
It was not hard for me to believe you
That you would be there, for you were so bad
Nothing could turn you back again. I knew
The artist more than I knew the man ... sad
And tormented, with its childhood deferred
In the unending coming of manhood;
The adult world was a bizarre dream, a blurred
Reality that spirit ne'er understood.
Yet I would not envy you mortal pain
Nor bring you back into the fickle lights
To swell your heart with tumults of disdain.
Visionaries here have no rights
And the black sorrow is hardest to bare.
I only know the world of pop have lost
The best, you were the king, a talent rare,
But fame comes to some with a brutal cost.
So let the bells toll as flowers fade
Where we pile them, what is real must past,
For only the artificial stays. Wade
Me through the sad throng, my homage cast
Upon the stage from where vision took flight
Into our hearts, and brimmed us with your gift.
I shall count an extra star up there tonight
For you Michael, for time has spent your thrift.
are crying, you see,
as they cling to the wood
that encompasses me
and the heart that still loves
the now widow above
who will hopefully never forget
all covered in fleurs
who now sleeps in the earth
is still grateful to her
and the heart that still pines
for the lover enshrined
who has never once thought to regret
that love had endowed
that came with the vow
who will not allow
to wither away,
unlike the fleurs
on destined day.
He lay down with exhaustion
that has not been named,
also someone next to him
as strange as the exhaustion
“Eve? Eve? Is it true God
has mentioned the name in heaven?
Someone that lay with closed eyes beside him.
Seems so peacefull:
“but, what is the pulse in my chest,
is also in that chest? In that chest?
Things tremble in my groin, is it
also in that groin? Yes, there?”
The one lay with eyes closed next to him, actually
hasn’t asleep yet. She was doubt,
afraid that it was demon’s work. She really needs to be heard.
Her heart whispering:
“Adam, I don’t really regret
for being sent away from heaven.”
But, there is something that he has’s realize in heaven,
when he touched the same bare body.
Yes, there is something that has not been sense in heaven,
when he stare at the same fascinating eyes.
The sky still purple, dawn is very young.
The leaf of heart still keep lunar light’s magic.
Strange coldness at the time, demanding
The two body finally complete
the first intercourse on earth. After
so different along the night, demanding.
On the grass, cannot differ, which are sweat,
which are dew, wich are other liquids.
“God, where are Thou last night?”
It was a clear dark night
When your voice was the only in sight,
The many years of childhood,
The "Hip-Hop Hooker,"
was the choice of many tunes,
So know, that in our genre,
We may never forget
How the regulations of the game was maneuvered,
By just 16 bars,
or how we jammed and sang,
Along in our car,
To the many soulful grooves,
This one, Nate Dogg is for you;
for Mahathero Gunasena
In a makeshift vihara in the heart of London
Bikku then disclosed his parents long gone
Might one dare utter after all these years
Was it yesterday he would shed dry tears
Somewhere in the saffron folds of his faith
A lonely boy still lurked wanting his mother
Or brother sister and hope-dislocating father
Of how they could abandon even his wraith
Just a single line in the inner board of a book
Over dried blue ink his fingers caressed words
A life he might’ve had in who knows what worlds
He just wanted to say: ‘See, who so forsook!’
In an unwatched vihara in the heart of London
A forsaken boy dared break out of monkdom
Might one dare utter after all these years
Was it yesterday he would shed dry tears
Too late he had come to own up this truth:
‘If there’s a Supreme Being leave Him well be
He knows best what He’s doing forsooth
Mind your own business leave Him well be!’
Should one gauge the measure of a man’s humanity
From his ability to outgrow imposed attachments:
Such as confines of his community race or country
But most of all withstand the viral encroachments
Of his conditioned beliefs upon his own personality.
© T. Wignesan – Paris – September 8, 1983 (Rev. 2012)
From: T. Wignesan
Copyright ©: T. Wignesan - Paris, 1983 - (from the sequence/collection: "Words for a Lost Sub-Continent", 1999.)
The armor slides as I undo the clasp
Cold and pained from Winters Grasp.
Dragons yell and fly above,
Falling dead from the strike of love.
A sword in hand and mage in the other,
He casts a spell and releases another.
The pain of miss fire and the sorrow of death,
I can feel the sadness and apologise on his breath.
Anders, sweet and pure,
Sometimes there is no hope for a cure.
Cast your spells, cast away
Cast until I see the end of day.
Mistakes take place all around,
Sometimes the fault should not be found.
Would you be human to not have disaster?
You own your magic, but not always as master.
You have tried your hardest,
Even with this, you heart is the largest.
Let me go, into deaths reach
But kiss my lips soft, like those of a peach.
Let me go, but to not forget
That flame in your heart for me, will always be lit.
I exhale a final breath,
As I slowly slip away to death.
Hold not to blame, twas not your fault,
But now the beatings of my heart will hault.
Maker take me, into the light above,
But always know, I remember your love.
Oh parrot dear wither have you gone
Leaving this tender nest of love
My heart cries all alone
An empty niche since you’ve flown off
You were nature’s best
Your voice a melodious tune
The shimmering grey on your breast
Which would fluff up when you’d croon
May the heavens above open for you
My heart does pray so
Sweet memories of you
In my life will forever grow.
My heart melts when I think of that day
The day my name will be called but
I will kept mute.
The day when my body will lie
So lifeless that they will cry
Those that love me so much.
And they will rejoice
Those that hate me so much.
The day they will follow me to the boundary
And say a very solemn goodbye to me
With a sorrowful last respect
And they will turn their backs
Leaving me to face my path all alone.
The day I close my eyes
And will be unable to open it.
My fame and successes will stay behind
As I go there in my whole form.
The day when all I did will live to speak for me
Either good or bad
They will continue to reign
Even when I am not.
The day all will end
My pains and sorrows
Will all com to an end.
Also my joy and happiness
They will all end, all I did and had.
My heart bleed when I think of that day
That day, that will be the end of the road.
You and I,
together have learn t
the meaning of love;
together painted our world
with the colors of love.
Colors of everlasting memories..
Sailed the seven seas
as I am your strength
and you are mine..
Soared the skies
exceeding all boundaries,
as I am the wind beneath your wings.
As we always did,
leaving my footsteps right beside yours,
let us walk the sandy shores,
while the gentle waves kiss our feet.
You may wonder
why you no longer see
my footsteps appear beside yours..
I assure you my love,
it is not that I have left you alone
in this journey.
It is because, now your heart
is my only abode
and I keep every step
with every step of yours.
But as you look back
you will see my footsteps
I left behind
before my soul bid goodbye
to my life..
Do not fear to walk the shores
as you are not alone.
I am the strength
living inside you
guiding you in every step you take;
leading you to our destination.
You may not see me beside you,
but it is still you and I together
who are treading this journey.
I had to leave my life
as I had no choice,
But, not even the greatest existing force
could make me leave you,
as I am alive in your heart
in the form of my love;
my love which will never die away
even after my death..
Listen to your every heart beat,
as it speaks the words of my love.
Never fill your eyes with tears,
it will blur my vision
as I see the world through your eyes.
Never try to escape the world of color,
as it is our world you and I
together painted with the colors of love.
Never stop dreaming
of the dreams we dream t together.
Because it is through you
that that I shall someday
see them realized.
Since your love is strong enough,
keep your heart beating for me,
as it is the only reason
I am immortal for you.
By the veil of night
when the world is at sleep,
look into the starry heavens
and you will see two solitary stars..
They are my eyes,
watching you from above,
always taking care of you.
There maybe nights
unvisited by the moon
but my eyes,
in the form of those two stars
will always be there for you.
That is the only moment
you will see me in any form.
But every other time
you will feel me,
as I am alive in every beat of your heart..
- Kushalee Jayawickreme -
Seemingly so long ago, I fell in love
For the first time in my life.
So young, so innocent, so naive,
My heart was struck with a knife.
He swore on the air in his lungs,
The blood in his very veins
That he'd be at my side forever
Abolish my fears and pains.
Together, we ran through puddles,
Laughing in freshness of rainy days.
Together, we sat in the garden,
Holding each other in the sun's rays.
But one way or another
All that's good must end.
His heart slowed, his eyes dulled.
I tried, but his spirit wouldn't mend.
Now I am alone.
Two has been reduced to one.
All I can hope for, all I can dream of
Is that we'll reunite when my life is done.
Glimpses of beauty decorate my dreams
So bright is the moonlight
So eloquent is the silent night
So fragrant is the gentle breeze
So sparkling the stars so bright,
From heaven do come down singing streams.
My heart in it's heart do shed hot tear
So melancholy note nightingale sing
So boisterous is the ocean's wing
So calm and inebriant an eye
So profound a meaning does it bring,
Neither do i despise pain nor do death I fear.
A gloom and a glow together they foam
A life is such in a dense deserted room.
Who threw water on the wick?
Who, as restless and trapped
can survive in this necropolis?
Trumpeting down the walls
that are not of Jericho.
Trumpeting down the walls
that besiege a chthonic people.
Tonight I shall return as a black dove
to bring you an oak tree branch from Dodona
And a darkness full of lightning
all the way from the palace of Atropos.
So that you stay up all night
a bright sunshine for tomorrow.
"Good morning wind-vane",
to say when morning comes,
"where do the winds blow from today?"
And just like a white horse
to gallop against the wind.
Wake me from my livid dream, stir my soul
So spirit may bring flesh to sense again
Transport me to another time, this pain
Will cease in that climate where we are whole
There the lights are bright upon the stage
And death is banished from youth and from age
Truth alone endures asleep or awake, truth
Alone will never change, love is a fruit
Of enduring truth, and absence is pain
Telling us the giddy earth is so vain.
Why, giddy earth, did you take him away?
Is your coffer of dust famished for clay?
His immatured manhood pure art became
His unbound spirit was the candle'sflame
O giddy earth, you blew him out, no more
This child, to moonwalk your flesh gritting shore
He and Ben thought they would call you their own
A promised to be there when I'm alone.
Who shall write from the lonely tree for him
Who shall heal the world's pride for us like him
Who shall dance to the edge of oneness still
O truth endure ... we are a fabled will
Farewell Michael, great metaphor of time
In all your gift the race was more sublime
And we pray you will not fade from truth, we
Celebrate your art, love your memory.
We celebrate the joy in mystery lost
O art sublime tolls such a human cost
Farewell unfading genius and friend
Farewell guiding light none could comprehend.
under the cloud
when the rain and their smoke living
chance love surronderity behind
any life... any stories to take hiring
at the grand canyon
summer night with star light
our desperated beginning
only life will be appart
by sort time
or only long term window of world
in the night not a game
i suppose take care the other blood
thank's to be god
thank's to be our land
always warning by they are claws
give the winning without reasons
because a scare off to you
because the air is gone
we need the land to be life
together with emerald and you.....
the reason to maked a life
Who has heard the voice?
Who knows the verse,
on a quiet Sunday that waits
silently? No one has seen.
Who has learned
of the champion from Detroit,
the laureate of America,
the subtle poet of history
pacing the halls of the black mind?
What has been the pride
of a near blind man,
who took the bus, and doesn’t drive
to work everyday,
but who saw life’s light?
Who has heard the voice?
No one has seen.
Who does not ignore
the poetry of the 1st laureate
of a culture versatile?
Students might never see.
My love where art thou?
You seem to be alone
A dream that I'm away
Rainclouds and teardrops
Upon your facial sky
Dried with your earthly hands
Cold nights I walk tense
Thru open doors that close
Before my steps appear
Distant I dare you
To call my name and see
The stone you left me by
My love where art thou?
You seem to be alone
A theme of my decay!
My heart is torn asunder,
her words echo in my soul like thunder.
As she turns her back and walks away,
I feel my body start to sway.
I drop to my knees and whisper her name,
knowing in my heart I will never be the same.
Her actions bring an almost physical pain,
every moment is a battle to remain sane.
But I know that this fight with myself is hopeless,
so I let go and slip into welcoming darkness.
Vacant heart, vacant mind, what have I done?
I wander these days with my soul on the run.
Although my mind is full I feel empty,
a whilrwind laden with confusion and memory's debris.
My heart aches to feel the love I once had,
Do I really wish to carry on feeling sad?
Hold me as you once did in our moments of solitude,
forget about the scars on your heart that are forever tattooed.
For they will heal if you let your pain and anger go,
if you accept my love to you on whom I bestow.
All these long days undecided,
don't let the influence of others lead you to be misguided.
Vacant heart, vacant mind, I never wanted to be apart from you,
lonliness, anger, fear, regret, together must be subdued.
Current mood: distraught
If i could just project my voice into the ears of those i love
I would take the world into my words and let them hear what my heart sings
it sings of joy and the past time with them,oh so it longs and holds on to that year
but im afraid if i let go now would they feel my heart as it heals and as I
Drop to the floor
I wonder if i shouldve stopped my heart before it fails to bleed
if i died unsuspectively what would my life mean
well dear wonders of this world look at what Beauty Ive Become
Now Watch me Lay out on the street
Take my wings
I dont need them because Angels only kill themselves in dreams
Its just as if heaven was inside my Veins So
Let me bless You know let me Bless these grounds
Let me spill onto the pavement so cold and Shameless im lost
but none of my friends can see this,are they blinded by my Mask
in which i always wear but if i offend you im sorry i swear
Im sorry that im dead
Make this your only comfort to see me lying there in that box soundly asleep
dont even bother trying to wake me,dont call my name
cause my heart feels no remorse or shame for what happened to me
I told you all that i was sick,but did you bother to listen to me
Dragged over the field went your man of such valor.
Unaided by those above, left to the fury of that rage,
Of who took down so many to find the heart of truth,
On that foreign land so long ago.
For who wept longer than you dear lady,
When the son of Peleus took what was yours?
On that foreign land, so long ago.
How do I wipe your tears,
When so long ago did your heart break?
To see him, that one so noble,
Disfigured behind that cruel chariot.
Who held you close
On that grievous day, so long ago?
Now a spoil to the very madness,
That came across the Aegean to your step.
Taking down with swords to flesh.
The sharp blades and the gore,
And what did befall you?
So long ago.
For your loss I do give this one gift
A secret shrine deep within my mind,
Now on quiet nights do I light the censor,
And remember those tears on that tender cheek.
So long ago.
I remember when we used to be so care free,
now it seems like we live on our knees.
What happened to the love and joy we once had?,
refusing to believe that it was some kind of fad.
We both know what we had was real,
Where did it go? Where's that raw feel?
A feel of untainted connection,
unblinded by pure affection.
Not clouded by others opinion,
to have control over our hearts dominion.
I know I've lost sight of what brought us together,
wanting it so bad and have it forever.
Causing so much destruction lost in myself,
giving the impression that I'm damaged beyond help.
Finally after years of my heart and mind being adrift,
enough of this confusion, it's time for a shift.
Not just for me, but for the ones I love,
the one who is reading this knows whom I speak of.
My spirit can only express consolation for what you've gone through,
something that has been lost between us, so rare yet so true.
Anger and frustration that harbors in your heart I understand,
wanting to release it forever a pain that was never planned.
The pain I feel is that I miss you and our daughter,
missing out on being a husband and father.
I know I can't fix everything but I know that I can try,
How long till I receive your love? When will that time draw nigh?
It wasn't very long ago It seems my heart does say.
I felt another's beating on my breast thoughout the day.
I'm lonely for its friendship and its
longing and its need.
I am missing all the warmth it gave
its desires so to please.
Arms oh empty arms,
what are you holding now?
They are as they would have no child.
I am still... and wondering how.
You see they carry sadness
For nothing can replace,
the beating heart of a pure child;
head and shoulder of pure grace.
It wasn't very long ago it seems my heart does say
I felt another 's beating on my breast throughout the day.
Oh empty arms longing to be filled;
the memories cause tear. You are missed.
Happiness has been stolen, and there is no place for bliss.
With memories of the past thats gone and me the heart demands,
You reclaim what has been taken, and fill your empty hands
Oh its gone I know! I know! I cry!
Oh! How deep the sadness be, I wish it me that died.
So difficult the sore, the void, Oh one desires to sleep,
and wake up just to feel the heart, the loss that made me weep.
C. SwAk & L
As far as I can recall he has always been there
The memories of when we first met are concrete in my heart
All along never leaving my side he stood thorug bad and fair
Its so hard to know I will never see him again, I break again and again, why did he part
A birthday I never knew, for the day came and went until I met him, my truest friend
We grew up together, troubled was my family, I found myself spending most of my youth with his
No matter what turns life took me on, there he was, always in he I could depend
How can I bare such pain, why he? Why this?
A cake, it all started there, April 11th was the day, in which I was born
Eager to see me smile, he brougth a cake to my joy on my 11th year of life
A feeling took over me, I did not know how to react so I just began to weep
As I had never been around true affection since then, a joy he gave that my heart will forever keep
After high school we parted, as we grew into men
I missed all the sleep overs, movies and video games
Bolony sandwiches, popcorn, and the tears that we shared as we got into women
A lot of many feelings I first felt with he to aid my pains
I look to the sky I know he looks down upon me
I can feel his presense all around, and I cry
Lord of mine why did he have to die?
I can no longer bare the anguish and fear, O' set me free
I shall never forget him, for he lives in my heart and memory
The greatest chapter so far in my story
I pray, for his well being along your side Father as You are love in the sky
Please, and I hear Your voice"don't cry"
-I'm memory of Jose S.
May you rest in peace brother, and truest friend.
What is a soul without
arms to hold?
What is wings without
angels to fold the
true meaning of life
that is born and told?
All wombs are silent and
there is no voice for
sleeping when the eyes
hold vision to the world
you have to wonder how
far is Heaven and what
is life's road?
Heavy minds think alike.
We have to bond to the
grieving for we love Steve
so much we just can't help
but believing he left something
behind for all of us to see
that animals are beautiful.
Steve's beautiful children
and a loving wife he left
something to us all a gift
nobody else could give.
Who would pick up a snake
or wrestle with a crocodile
I see no other but
a heart like Steve thank you
for the journey you gave a lot
Now that you are gone to Heaven
I feel closer to you then ever before
your soul is shining bright by God's heavenly shore.
You had a heart that would cover the world
I can feel this in your spirit
you are resting peacefully with the Lord.
(Thank you Steve Irwin for loving the animals and showing your true love to the
world. Hello up there I know you are listening.)
You told me you’d be here.
You said you wouldn’t leave.
You had me at hello,
You stole my heart.
You told me everything would be ok.
I heard you tell me how nice I was.
I yearn for your sweet voice.
It echoes through my heart and soul.
I’ve told you nothing but the truth.
The feeling of betrayal consumes me.
The sadness has come again.
This pain is all too real.
The way it runs up my spine,
Lurking its way through my whole body.
I feel nothing, not the knife at my throat
Nor the pain of being alone.
Life shouldn’t end for the happiness
I once had keeps me going.
You still possess my heart.
I think that giving up would
Be the biggest mistake.
If I stop trying now I will lose
My heart forever, for you will
Walk away holding my heart prisoner.
Your face haunts my dreams.
Your beauty dances in my thoughts.
You won’t become just another memory.
Your image is being carved into my soul.
My arms drip red liquid.
This can’t be real,
I’ve lost all feeling.
Without my heart I am
Just another empty soul.
I hear a voice calling out my name.
I start to fall forward into the red pool
Of liquid that poured out my arms from
My self-inflicted cuts,
My vision becomes blurred.
I hear that voice as it comes closer.
I look up and see a beautiful silhouette running towards me.
This strange silhouette holds me.
I start to feel the pain I’ve caused.
I see your gorgeous face and I smile
As you tell me once again, you’re here for me,
That everything will be ok.
I smile for you came back.
You still hold my heart in your hands.
You give me hope….
O Wallace, I heard, and could not believe
Like the school days when things you conceived
Made us aghast or grieved
And anxious for the next thing up your sleeve.
You were our magician
Bringing humor out of no where
The apparition with which things disappear
And the brother I held dear.
O Wallace, can it be I see you no more, friend
The eggs in the fowl house stays
Cartoons with Huckles, relays
To Spain Town for raffles that never end
And stories that slant the escapades?
Chalky told me how you died
In that distant Texas place
Far from the frolics and our embrace.
O Wallace, it seems so wrong for one so young
To be already gone, some say
Genius never stays long, I hold nay
It's just like you to do it differently.
Rigor never was forte, and now
It's tough to believe in your rigor mortis
Not drinking beer beneath some bough
Beer drawn from cattle teets.
O Wallace, the noble Thame
Twickenham's child, scholar, savant, different
My heart remembers you and lament
Hard against your merry ways. Flame
A canefield somewhere for him
Ole Farmers let us honor
Our prankster brother, as he would
Swimming the pitch lake flood.
Too mortal are the dreams of men
More mortal our flesh
Too far from heaven ... a little wretch
In each of us ascend
And seem to never make the distance back
The longing heart to mend
O Wallace, I pray your end
Will meet us on faith's common track.
Clocks ticking as time is a constant,
the end of a year, last three months lament.
I've come to terms with what I've done,
ousted from home and heart with nowhere to run.
It's amazing how total strangers are willing to help you out,
when your mind and heart are going through a drought.
I wish I could undo all that I've done wrong,
must endure this torture, must stay strong.
Please don't hate me for the mistakes I've made,
even though I kept making them, drawn out like a blade.
Clocks ticking as time is a constant,
waiting to face the obvious, something I can't circumvent.
Would I ever have him?
She weighed with a heavy sigh
Underneath that shadowy brim
Is a pair of benevolent eyes
Eyes full with memories of
A past that remains unspoken
If I were ever to lose his love
My heart would surely be broken
I care not what he did ago
Murder was not his intent
His friends were wasted by evil foes
He was collecting overdue rent
Her auburn eyes blazed with a passion
At the love burning in her heart
She pictured him so dashing
Passionate, generous and smart
His devotion burns for me
Like an eternal flame so true
I must hurry now to thee
Before the moment gone I rue
She brushed out her raven hair
Adjusted her prairie skirt
Breathlessly whispered a silent prayer
And left barefoot in the dirt
Her heart pounded like a drum
At the outcome she was fearing
She told the parson, 'The time has come'
As her eyes were slowly tearing
The parson understood her condition
And proceeded without delay
He respected her volition
To wed her courageous hero today
As they approached his campsite
There was a hush that chilled them both
No kindling lighting up the night
Just a body white as a ghost
Although our hero could barely speak
His vows to her he gallantly uttered
Soon his pulse started to grow weak
And he turned to her and muttered
"My Darling whose beauty enraptures
and Devotion is without fail
The angels have arranged my capture
My ship is ready to sail"
Those auburn eyes shone with a radiant glow
As she took his face in her hands
"I'll love you forever; your legacy I will crow
There will never be another man"
"Although this battle you have not won
In vain you will not die
You've left me with an unborn son
Your sins God will sanctify"
He smiled as his last breath crept
And her bosom he nestled in peace
With dignity, in death he slept
His legacy will never cease
My own world rocked,
My heart so rattled,,
My brain so shocked,
My ego so embattled
I left my wife,
When her heart was exposed
By her unfaithful ways,
The end of my married days...
Back to my parents home...
Within six weeks
My dear mother, she seeks
To leave this world of pain,
My father and I, hearts
torn apart to die
Felt the world's weight
I knew my dad,
So long married glad
Would not survive this hurt
So I hatched a plan,
Clever as I thought I am
To keep us both alive
I created the "Military Club"
Hardly realizing that
it would be the hub,
Of more than I could hope
World War II veterans
My father and two uncles were
And I was a military buff
So we established this group
Hoping our lives to recoup
And it succeeded beyond
my wildest dreams,
Funny, is turned out to be,
Every bit as important as well, to me
Well I declared my father "The Colonel"
A title he held for the last
12 years of his life,
All the family members addressed
him by this name
My Uncles, I designated Majors,
They were Artie and Bob
I was a lowly Lieutenant,
To serve them was my job...
Once every 2 weeks we gathered
To shoot pool, play cards,
And then to eat
Our locations varied on a schedule
that was easy enough to meet
Now this became the life essence,
For these geriatric warriors of old,
And to me as well, though unexpected,
I had somehow struck a vein of gold
My car was the "Stafff Car"
I drove them to pool,
And to have some beer at the bar,
Didn't matter who's turn the
house was that week,
We always had the great fun
That we did seek,
Rosie's idea of 1993
was to make "The Colonel"
a memorial wall plaque,
Dedicated to his bravery
in the face of pool hustlers,
Taproom attendants, and
card sharks, and much, much more
I had never before seen
his eyes light up so proud,
This old man that I so adore
Well, even Generals succumb
And sadly that was his fate
But I'm so proud to have
enriched all of our last years,
My buddy, my military dad,
my father, and my
life's sailing mate.
Pain and sorrow are my best friends,
We walk this road that never ends,
Pain rips my heart in early morning light,
Sorrow causes tears as I fall asleep at night,
I dream of happier days that, sadly, have gone by,
When I could see your little face and know you were alright,
But now I’m here without you, my world is dark and gray,
Pain and sorrow keep me company, by my side they always stay,
A part of me was buried too the day we said goodbye,
My tears mingled with the rain as I knelt there and cried,
Oh pain will you haunt me, forever never cease?
Oh sorrow will you always cling, my heart never ease?
What I wouldn’t give to have spent another day with you
But I know you were suffering and now your pain is through,
You’re free to run and play under heavens beautiful blue sky,
No more worries or pain for you, your soul is free to fly,
So until we meet again, my son, please know this much is true,
Your mother always remembers and loves and misses you.
I recall that tragic day
When the telephone rang.
Still, so fresh like yesterday;
A year ago, such pain.
A familiar voice on the other end,
What she was saying couldn't be true.
My mother's words I didn't comprehend,
Asking how God could be so cruel?
He took away the only one
That had ever been there.
She was my "SPECIAL SOMEONE",
Always showing me she cared.
My Grandma had a heart of gold
And was full of nothing but good.
The cute little stories she told
Brightened up my childhood.
Without her raising me,
There's so much I wouldn't know.
Who knows where I'd be
If she hadn't taught me to grow.
In an instant, POOF!, she's gone,
A terrible accident took her away,
Making it difficult to move on,
Regretting the things I didn't say.
How I LOVED her, heart and soul,
Wishing I had made that clear.
Was she proud, I'd like to know
Of the woman I am in the mirror?
I believed I'd have her always,
Planning to visit more or call.
Thinking we had plenty of days,
But that wasn't the case at all.
In one day, a single moment
It can all disappear,
Not realizing how much they meant,
Until now, that they're not here.
(12/08/06-In memory of my Grandmother)
Truest as the love from the heart that beats from our breasts,
That the daughter of mine, Matilda, is sick to the wonders,
who lies stoned cold and emotionally depressed watching the skies
grow bluer and nature's green so bold as she lays to rest.
Her violet eyes, now to gray, tells that I can merely scarce the pain,
and as truest of the love that beats from the heart in our breasts,
that soul does crave a wondrous treasure that rings so
Bold but timid and yet it speaks all in rhymes.
She lips out the words, "Read me a poem just one last time"
And my fingers roam amongst a page,
So soft as I read, "Nothing Gold can Stay."
I've always wanted to love you the way that you desired, never wanting my mind or
heart to retire.
Watching you live your life to make me elated, only now feeling as if I were hated.
So beautiful in your own way you are,
I know that your heart is laced with scars.
Some of which I caused and for that I'm ashamed, Why did I keep doing it? What
can I gain?
A fool is how I feel for the damage I've caused, Praying everyday that all is not lost.
I finally "got it" and where I've messed up, We both say; "it's not you, it's me" and
then we give up.
Struggling to fix myself where I have failed before, cast from my house, sent out
Can I ever come back? Will she let me in?
Not just our house but her heart that's worn thin.
This is my dream, to love you forever,
and never loose sight with the greatest endeavor.
At the Gates
Why does thy heart always peer outwards?,
The first time I saw thee,
Thine eyes shone with a strange light,
I would have loved thee eternally,
If thoust heart had not gone on,
And left this world forever,
Encased in your snowy tears, born from wicked abodes,
Forever now you will be trapped,
Between this world and the next,
The night I promised you, the stars are your betrothed,
If I could only see thine eyes again,
I would have died a thousand deaths just to hear you open the gate again,
And glide upon the gravel in your familiar faerie step,
It is only in my most wondrous dreams, that the creatures of the night speak your
I sewed it into the fabric of the night in sweet lament,
And waited for the sad advent of winter.
And begged on hands and knees for the return of your snowy tears,
Thy heart peered outwards and thoust eyes wove only silence,
Thine eyes shine still with strange light,
I wake in my sleep for the thousandth time,
To speak your name
From deepest pit of thysoul doth rise new dreams,
Rain cascades from thine dark windows,
Tears that have lived within one for many years,
Lustrous, liquid pearls forged from sway thy soul,
Birthed in thy heart, how love doth gleam,
From thine ebon heart a pillar of light shall sawy,
Through these dark forests a quiet daze,
Felt thy sorrow, thy face sweet dove, thy heart raven,
Every waking hour I tread through April's newly shed tears,
Give not thy day for another,
In realm of senses you were thy heart's brother,
Yet from thy soul doth rise new dreams,
Come to thee, fairest love,
The fabric of thine lonely love has burst its seams!
You watch from high above,
I regret what happen to us.
I should have never hurt you or questioned my trust.
I promised to love you forever,
you were my gold my so called treasure.
I was too blind to see our love drifting apart,
I thought I would always love you and you would always stay in my heart.
But the lust in my heart overpowered my love for you,
not even a million sorrys can take back what I put you through.
"I can't hurt the person I love so much," is what I use to say,
but when he would come by those words would fade away.
I couldn't resist the temptations in my heart,
yet with that one moment would change my life forever and tear us apart.
With your tears of pain and the streets being wet,
will always leave me with regret.
Within that instance you were taken from me,
without a chance to say I was sorry.
I hurt you so much I know it's true,
all I have left are the memories of the pain I put you through.
The rains bring tears to my eyes,
because to me those are the tears that you cry.
I soak myself in your tears,
wishing you were here.
My heart should have never went a stray,
I wish for death each day.
I just want to see your face yet god is keeping me here to stay.
The tortures of my loss taps every night on my window payne.
I'm sorry for the pain I caused you deep within,
and I'm forever reminded of it when you cry your tears from heaven.