Pain, Pain, Pain
Sit up in his bed and breaks the alarm
blood flows to the brain and he tries to stay calm
but the pain doesn't go away that quick in the morning
even on the inside the rain begins pouring
and the lights are off but they're on in the mind
Of the man who devoted two years to a lie
On his face he feels every kiss, knows every line
Bruises on a heart that has grown smaller than mine
Eyes that dance with memories hard to forget
Black spot on the white page of love and regret
No matter how hard he tries, they stay on his mind
Images of a happiness it took them years to find
Every kiss they stole under the midnight sun
Every time he looked at her and said “you’re the one”
Spun a dagger of pain that tore at his chest
Like a demon that had no reason to rest
She would be happier with him, he tried to think
He tossed away her picture and poured another drink
Who was he kidding, there was no life without her
His life was a disease, and there was only one cure
So he stepped on the chair with the rope on his neck
And wrote a letter to the girl that he could never forget
With hands behind his back and a soul done crushing
He said goodbye to a world that gave him absolutely nothing.
Self-denial, Self-afflicted, Self-fulfillment
What condition caused deprivation?
“Hold on, wait until this game ends”
He said as he he sat at the edge of his seat with his elbows on knees
Hands on his face, just below his eyes so he barely see
All she wanted was a nice dinner with some friends
They talked bad about him but she loves him, she pretends.
He agrees to parties with ease
But once it gets closer, excuses are his expertise.
She was over it. It was time to make amends.
She packed her bags and stood in front of the door
She yelled at him and told him that she’s leaving
He couldn’t hear her, all he cared about was the final score
She knew he wouldn't do any grieving
She closed the door.
I inhale aroma of fresh caffeine
I go breathless ,an act ,expecting
you to walk out from the chinese coffin!
Inside of me want to cry, scream and shout
My thoughts are all in a scramble so I decided to write it out.
How could I be so blinded by love?
Look what you have done
But I can’t hate you for changing me into the women I’ve become.
You played your game one me cheating on women to women,
You tried to cover up your lies by saying we’re only human.
You had your mistress, the mother of your daughter play along like a clown.
I needed to put a stop to this so I put my foot down.
Instead of holding her like you’re held me
She should have stopped messing with married men and start being someone’s mommy.
And as for you, I hope you won’t be too blind to see
What other girls are doing what you have done to me….
At first there's a glance, and the passionate need for the first kiss,
The intense flutter in the pit of your stomach when you both first meet.
The sensitive feeling of their naked body next to yours feels like bliss,
And then yearning for more as your bodies fill with erotic heat.
They are the first thing you think of when you open your eyes each morning,
They are the first person you want to talk to when you're excited, afraid, happy or sad.
When a crowded room is filled with hundreds of people, but they're the only person you see and the only voice you hear talking,
When everything they do is fantastic, and they never ever try to make you mad.
The years go by and there's the hard times and the good,
The sex is still amazing, but doesn't happen as often as it should.
The main conversations you have relate to houses, kids, bills and food,
Planning a night out together is hard work, and you'd rather be with your mates if you could.
Then something changes, you can sense it but nothing is mentioned,
The staying out late, the excuses and the guilty looks you constantly share.
You talk a little less, shout a little more and there's an empty feeling inside,
The thoughts that you are in a nightmare when you realise you no longer care.
The realisation that you don't recognise the person who was once your hero,
The boy you loved with all your heart and were inseparable with, has now grown into a stranger.
The looks of anger and feelings of hate when you argue over nothing take its toll,
That moment you know you don't love this person anymore and the marriage is in extreme danger.
When the ending of a marriage is harder than you can ever imagine,
The best friends and lovers you once were is now like a distant dream.
Your heart hardens a little and the beat changes into a bitter symphony,
Lying on the floor in floods of tears, wondering where it went wrong and wanting to scream!
They say you never get over your first love, you may always compare it to the rest.
Life shouldn't be written like a book, it should be filled with happiness.
Although the breakdown of relationships can diminish your heart and damage your trust with all that's said and done.
But you must remember that life isn't over until death arrives, so we must believe that the best is yet to come....
Some days I feel lonely,
Some days I just wanna leave.
Some days are harmful.
I hate this world I live in.
The bully’s that call me “Horse Teeth”
“Ugly”. Those days were harmful.
Where family is cruel. Where you have to be Perfect for everyone.
The dad that abuse your mom and you and your brother, and where he only cares for himself.
The mom that loves you for who you are and sometimes acts like a teen and go out.
The little brother that is just too cute but a pain sometimes.
The little sister that is spoiled & mean to you. And say that she hates you when you try to be a big sister, she sweet sometimes.
The second older brother that is just like your dad sometimes and only nice when he wants to be.
Then there is you. You’re crazy in every way. There is nothing Perfect about you.
But there are days when you wanna leave.
I know cause this is
when dad left us,
each night praying for the love it would take
to fix my parents marriage.
i would pray for the kindness
i desperately needed to face my siblings
and my mom.
now i know my words fell on deaf ears
and god is nothing but a fancy name for nothing.
cried when i didn't know what love really was.
i still cry over the idea of love. true love.
when my family fell victem to death's DOMINO effect
i knew real love was buried six feet deep.
this is why i cannot cry over you.
i should be sorry, but i'm not.
i should be scared, but i'm not.
nothing can hurt me quite like love.
it's not found in tulip fields or bookshelves.
when he died, my aunt couldn't stop trembling.
papa told her she couldn't shake forever,
but it has been six years now.
if i squint hard enough i can see him
sitting next to her at family dinners.
hand on a quivering knee, as if she sees him too.
love is a six year shiver that never stops.
it is not something you wish for.
love is love is love is love is pain.
love is nothing but death's hand on your shoulder.
I do not know?
SCORNED BY BLIND FAITH
WE SOUGHT, FOUGHT!
CON TEMP TABLE I N
EVER Y OU T H ATE FUL
TREASONOUS RIVALRY SOLIPSISTIC ENMITY
SCORN AND SHAME
TO ARRANGE ONE WORD.
TO ASIGN THE BLAME
COST. What of?
SO STRANGE AND AKWARD
ROTS - DECAYS
TO ALIGN THE CYCLIC GAME
SO MUCH SPACE.
Written OCTOBER 31st 2014 HALLOWEEN
I do not know?
I would love it
If you didn't want
To take the risk
Of ending us.
Or if you valued the joy of
What we once and can again possess.
Should the worst occur
The ensuing pain
Will be worth
Its turbulent change
For I have learned an infinite truth;
Where once was only mythical
Now stands knowledge strong, unyielding.
Unafraid of loss or pain
It battles freely without shame
The wounded Ego's last refrain.
Taking now a warriors stance
Shouting out again and back:
and will continue
another human being
with every inch of my
You came to me,
your face wearing a frown.
I did not even try,
to turn it upside down.
You came to me, many times,
when you were sad.
And again, I didn’t even try,
to make you glad.
You came to me with the tears,
running down your face.
All I thought to do,
was give you some space.
You showered me
with hugs and kisses;
I returned it
with daily hisses.
You came to me,
and pleaded with the sweetest of voices.
I did not hear you,
distracted by my own selfish noises.
You reached out to me,
one last time with an open heart.
All I did, yet again
was to tear it apart.
Now I come to you,
after seeing the errors of my ways.
It seems as though for us,
there will be no more days.
Baby, I’m so scared now
full of constant fright;
knowing that I will have to face,
many a lonely night.
I desperately sit across from you,
full of emotion.
My tears can’t stop pouring,
they are enough to fill an ocean.
I’m falling apart,
and completely breaking down.
Life has come full circle,
now I’m the one left to wear a frown.
I’m so pathetic and sad
having the nerve to think;
that you are treating me bad
when we both know I deserve this stink.
I’m shaking as I slowly
reach out my hand.
But you look at me,
as though I just don’t understand.
That even though I tell you
my world is falling apart;
it is now your turn
to reach in and rip out my heart.
You get up turn around
and begin to walk away;
I know it’s much too late
I can’t even beg you to stay.
So I get up dazed and confused; all the while
struggling to make it home alone.
I get there and gently whisper to your picture,
“Baby, if I had only known?"
It's a curiosity to me
how we are so alike,
yet, so different in this manner.
I could never survive in your union,
my soul craves a more intimate bond.
You want things to change, and
need a starting point.
The definition of Marriage
is one you both should explore--
I think you'll find you have very
"Do years count?"
Only if they were good ones;
Only if you can look back and say
they made you a stronger couple.
"How about loyalty and fidelity?"
They count, but it is more than body;
It's the day to day of putting his needs
before yours of trying to make him happy,
of trying to be happy with him. Have you
done this faithfully?
"Why is it all about sex to him?"
Perhaps it more about cleaving,
feeling connected. Can you honestly say
you've felt that in a while?
Is sex not that to you?
Touch keeps you connected,
and denying him has left a void.
You are of words;
He is of the physical.
Try talking while holding his hand,
then both of you are connected.
It's a small start.
"What about raising our children?"
An important task, no doubt,
and it draws you closer if you do it as a team,
but it can also push you apart.
It can be a reason to talk
at each other
instead of to each other.
Another task to be done in a busy day,
running in opposite directions to meet their "needs."
But were they really their's,
or were they a convenient excuse to
head in a different direction--
the ultimate avoidance.
I listen to you talk about wanting to go to counseling,
but I wonder if you are ready to make the changes.
It's not all him;
It's not all you;
It's the both of you, wanting to change together.
It's finding the friend you married, and
committing to making it work.
Twenty-five years is a long time
to wallpaper over the issues
that are stacked in layers.
Now it is time for the hard work
of tearing it all off, and resurfacing.
Are you up to remodeling your home?
I loved him and he loved me,
so I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
I mean we broke up and I thought we were Okay,
I didn't even think of the possibility, that our love would die one day.
But the thing is I still love him, so I guess he's the one, who no longer loves me,
and it hurts cause i thought we were so happy,
maybe I - maybe I just thought that; maybe it wasn't true,
but what do you expect when your husband never fails to tell you he loves you.
He gave no sign that he wasn't happy, absolutely none,
maybe the only reason he stayed was because of our son,
But now he's going and if it was because of our child;
why now? I mean he's only five.
Maybe he had a mistress and he's decided he loves her
but what about his family? would he seriously not choose us over his lover?
Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe it has nothing to do with me,
but if I'm not the reason what else could it be?
I have so many questions but he won't answer any,
why? this divorce thing is really scary.
Okay I have agreed the relationship is over,
but the least he could do is give me some closure.
Young love lives
Old love dies
New feelings hide
Wonder now why
Love could buy
A brand new guy
Your love I still crave
Our past forgave
Swept beneath the rug
Stupid stupid love
give me pink.
anything to feel
make me fly
i want to die.
i want to cry,
i may need an alibi
because you've got me
fucked up if you think
you're getting off without a scar.
give me your heart.
after all these years,
i'll carve it up
and "beijo <3" goodbye.
oh, i bet you didn't think i saw.
don't touch me with such guilty hands.
if you knew i deserved better
why wouldn't you say so?
tell me you'll always love me,
that you could never breathe without me.
looking in from outside of you
i can see your fingers were crossed.
i see everything and the puzzle
is almost finished.
i still have some questions for you
but i think i'd be better off
if you just left me in the dark.
what do you think love means?
do you see stars in my eyes?
it's too confusing keeping up
with all of your facades.
you knew we were done
before anything started.
why couldn't you save us both the time?
have i always been so small in your mind?
i'm ashamed to say you're all that is in mine.
if it wasn't real,
why couldn't you have said so?
if i was just another girl,
why couldn't i your best hoe?
i am so low, low, low, low.
hardly believe what i am hearing
because you tell me you need me,
when you're just afraid to be alone.
it wasn't me you needed to need.
you just needed someone to own.
and i was stupid enough to stick around
through all the bullshit you dealt me.
i can hardly believe i feel for a boy
who wanted to keep our love unseen.
i feel in the air how burdened you've become.
holding in your love for girls who mean nothing,
while you are holding my hand in private.
fuck you, i was ready for the end.
you were waiting for the door.
i called to tell you that you're no longer the sun.
you could never love me enough to make me the one.
now i don't need anyone.
is the decision is the choice
between two people between two people
where too many venture where too few endeavor
where intimacy is conditional where love is unconditional
where distance begets separation where openness begets closeness
where cohabiting is a matter-of-fact where commitment actually matters
where couples are quite disillusioned where couples decide to work together
where spouses do not agree to disagree where spouses learn to agree to disagree
© Eugene Harvey
Jarre jarre me saans samete
Kitane tukade kaisa ahasaas samete
Khvahish jaane khavaabo me basati kitana
Bujhati raate kuchh baat samete.........
N man maane khud ki hi baate
Jaane odhe baitha kono me kitane har baar mukhute
Kitanaa kismat chahe har haar baar kuchh
Bikhare ham hi ban kuu sikke khote
Shapit har manjar manjil ka
Dhar deewanapan maaushi ka chhoti- chhoti bhari oos lapete....
Jarre - jarre me saans samete.....
Kitane tukade kaisa ahasaas samete..........