I walked up to the bunkhouse, beneath a cloudless sky,
searching to find the Christmas star, still shining there on high.
The bunkhouse was warm but lonesome with no other cowboys there.
They had all gone home for Christmas. I pretended not to care.
Christmas carols on the radio brought back thoughts of the star
that had shown down on those pastures in that Eastern land so far.
Taking off my vest and Sunday shirt, I threw them on the trunk.
I stripped down to my underwear and crawled into my bunk.
My day had started early. I had worked hard with the crew,
so they could start their Christmas fun, when all the chores were through.
With no wife nor kids to need me, I had told the rest I'd stay
and watch out for the cattle. They could have their Christmas Day.
The warm room made me sleepy and I started into doze.
Right there before my astounded eyes, the Christmas Star arose.
I was a lonely shepherd in that land so far away,
who had been left to guard the sheep until the break of day.
I heard the angels singing and saw the moving star.
I marveled at the beauty and glory from afar.
The bright star beckoned to me and angels led the way
to where the future king of all lay in a mound of hay.
I wanted so to follow them but I had pledged my word.
I had to turn a deaf ear to the messages I heard.
I knew my solemn duty lay in guarding helpless sheep.
I prayed the Lord's forgiveness but the vigil I must keep.
The star reflected in the eyes of creatures all around,
waiting for the lonely stray or any sheep they found.
I could not shirk my duty to seek Him out that night,
but I knew I never would forget that glorious, wondrous sight.
I had that dream some years ago, but should that star reappear,
I've hung my rope and saddle up. I can follow with no fear.
Posted: 12/1/14 For "One of your best" contest
I knelt down by my bedside
then I bowed my head to pray
I ask the Lord, why must I be
alone on Christmas day?
I have no children of my own
I have no loving wife
Why must I be alone like this?
why must I live this life?
A life lived mostly by myself
at one time felt so grand
But, now I'm so much older
and, I just don't understand
Why it is...that this must be
for I know...you love me so
Please answer me this question
'cause I have a need to know
I thought I'd be alone this day
Then, I heard the church bells chime
That's when I realized, I was never alone
'cause you've been with me all the time
This is always a very very difficult time of year for me. I get so dang depressed,
and yes the majority of that pain comes from being incarcerated. It is a very lonely place.
Christmas is actually my fav. time of year. It was also my momma's (Grandmomma) who
passed in 2007. Her memory glows brighter within my heart during Christmas. She raised
me from a babe to a man...Yes I was grandmas boy :) So I was extremely spoiled. When
she passed in "07 (while I was in here) Man it nearly killed me. Please read "For
Grandmomma" (I wrote about her and my loss). Anyway - Thank you to my best friend
Marty Owens, For making Christmas a little happier for me. I don't really have "family" only
(my 2 beautiful daughters Jasmine 11 yrs and Brianna 9 yrs.) Marty is all I have in my life.
It's a very lonely hard place to be in without "family" or "friends" Friends are so rare.
I'm talking genuine friends. So he introduced me to PS because of my raging passion for
writing. I've grown so attached to some of you! I'm surprised at the love I have for some of
you and I don't really know some of you. lol It's wierd, but love can be wierd sometimes.
So ...Charma many hugs and kisses! Carol B. who introduced a lot of people on PS to me.
Thank you! Lolita my friend until the end! Audrey my biggest fan, I'm here for you always!
Patricia A. woman you always make me smile. Simone my newest fan your comments
sometimes make me blush! lol Linda-Marie I loved my Christmas card and your
encouraging words...thank you..Lena...what can I say? There are cards I would like to get
out to some of you..send addresses sm and marty will get them to me via postal mail. I
would like to hear from you guys w/pics I too will send pics of me Merry Christmas XOXO's
Jimmy M. Anderson #0459587 P.O. Box 2405 Marion NC 28752
in the dark
or Christmas presents to
here for the holidays
Contest: Dr. Ram's "Holiday-Cinqku Form)
Can’t think about the Year that didn’t last
Can’t fight the time and how it passed so fast…
Voices were cheerful that night
Everyone was full of silver light
I heard the sounds but didn’t care
I couldn’t help but only think and stare…
I dreamed of love that possibly I’ll never share
And of life that was just like a fairytale.
In that second of complete despair
I saw the moon and realized it was all a dare
Then your voice whispered in my ear
Promising me all I needed to hear…
'Twas just him and his thoughts in that cold and lonely hole,
Awaiting the sergeant's dreaded muster to begin the night's patrol.
For days the weary soldier had been on the line in bitter battle,
'Midst the deafening roar of cannon and the musket's steady rattle!
'Twas Christmas Eve and he was far from home in Afghanistan.
He was barely eighteen years old but had quickly become a man.
In the fading light he read from Luke the story of that Glorious Night,
That gave him hope and warmed his soul despite his precarious plight.
He turned the pages of his Bible to the soothing Twenty-third Psalm,
To read again that beautiful passage - that reassuring message of calm.
A bright star shone over his lonely post reminding him of Bethlehem,
And the star that topped the tree at his home in far away Birmingham.
His thoughts turned to home and better times with his Mom and Dad.
He mused upon Christmases past and the good times that they'd had;
The good food his Mom prepared and presents beneath the tree.
Alas, Christmas dinner this year would be cold coffee and an MRE.
During the lull in battle he saw from afar a winding camel train,
And shepherds herding their bleating flocks across that desolate plain.
Such a peaceful yet poignant scene, he mused, 'midst the gore of war,
Reminding him once again of that first joyous Christmas Eve of yore!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2012
(A Purpose So Clear)
Like children we fear
In secret a somber tear
Like learning to walk
Babies listen to talk
And reach for a hand
To help them stand
This too, we all must do
By HIS Hand made anew
Seven years I’ve been waiting for
A Christmas with you I wish for
Just like the other years that passed by
My wish for Christmas never gone by
A thought bothered my mind
How do you feel fine?
How do I feel fine?
If it breaks your soul it breaks mine.
Everything you have to sacrifice
A tear drops in your eyes
I wish I could make it dry
But I too can’t stop myself to cry
I hope he will grant my wish
If not now, maybe next year
I would still be waiting here
The same wish that I wished.
The little boy sits by the christmas tree
Full of light and color
Trying to figure out what all the colors are
He puts his little hands on the ornaments
Trying to see what they are
He steps back and falls over a present
He feels around the box trying to open it
Only seeing alittle
Mean while on the phone..
his mom is talking to the doctor
"do you think he will be able to see by christmas?" she says
The doctor replies "theres no guarentees, he is 67 % blind, when we did the test with him, he described the color blue as a dark black, and a yellow as a light gray, your son only sees in black and white and im not sure if we can fix that. but we will do our best"
A breathe escapes from her lips as she turns and looks at her son
The doctor explains "his surgery is set for Dec. 7th. be here around 8 am and we will see what we can do, im trully sorry"
He hangs up.
Back in the living room
The boy stands up and walks over to his mom
"mom, have you seen the christmas lights?" he says
She replies "yes sweety i have."
He hugs her leg and says "are they black and white?"
She answers "no sweety" she points to a light bulb on the tree
"this one is blue" she smiles
He grabs the light bulb and repeats "this one is blue" and giggles
She lays him down in his bed as he quickly falls asleep
She sits down on the chair and thinks
"to me. because my son cannot see the beautiful lights and feel the joys of christmas, everything is gray for me. nothing will fill my empty heart"
There are no smiles, when everything is gray, when you cant see the colors of a bright day
Decorated tree with lights and bells
Standing free from walls and shelves
Blissful youth keep warbling chants
Wrathful me grow scalding hands
My gnashing teeth and pounding heart
My crashing joy their humming part
A youngster sits on Santa’s lap
Her buoyant wish wreck my nap
Fathers and mothers at home with sons
Assembling round the tree with songs
Carols and hymns pleasant in ear
I hate to sing but love to hear
A lonely Grinch I break in tear
To see them sing and dance in cheer
Merry Christmas not hard to hear
I bow and say Happy New Year
This place is always a little lonely
At the weekends...no noise and life,
I like solitude,
But not in places
Where's there's recently been
A lot of people.
Reclusiveness protects you
And you can be as nostalgic
In relation to what happened
Half an hour ago
As half a century ago, in fact more so.
I went to the Xmas party.
And generally lived it up.
I went to bed sad though.
My sense of solitude.
My capacity for social warmth,
Excessive social dependence
And romantic zeal
Can be practically deranging;
It's no wonder I feel the need
Escape from my own
Drastic social emotivity
And devastating capacity
I feel trapped here,
Outlet for my talents.
In such a state as this
I could fall in love with anyone.
The night before last
I went to the ball,
Couples filing out,
I wanted to be half of every one,
But I didn't want to lose ***.
I'll get over how I feel now,
And very soon.
Gradually I'll freeze again,
Even assuming an extra layer of snow.
I have to get out of here.
(Adapted from an unfinished and unsent letter penned just before Christmas 1986.)
The Christmas Memories of the past are
beautiful, when the kids were little and we
could all Celebrate as a family.
As they were growing up, we still celebrated
the Holidays. There was never a lot of money
to buy expensive gifts, but we manage to have
enough food and buy a few gifts for everyone.
Those were the happy days, or shall I say - the
Good old days. Soon the kids grew up, got
married and moved away. They don't come around
much. They now have their own celebrations.
Some parents are forgotten and are now alone,
because one left, or has passed away. Sometimes
it is a single mother, that went through a lot of hard
times to raise her kids.
That mother, now sits alone on this lonely Christmas
Eve and Christmas Day, thinking of what the days
gone by used to be. The Baby Jesus is the only one
that keeps her company on this Christmas Day...
Written by Lucilla M. Carrillo
A friend asked me to write something on this
topic. Like her there many of us that have to
to spend The Holidays alone, sometimes it
is a father.
Preface: This was written long ago and I, just by the way of surviving see things a little different these days. BUT! I am going to post it anyway. MERRY CHRISTMAS! :)
Christmas is coming and theres nothing I can do.
Its become the hardest time of year since the day that I lost you.
People hurry scurry and skidoo.
While I'm locked inside and feeling blue.
These bars upon my window, they're not made of steel.
And that you cannot see them, doesn't mean that they're not real.
I've called out in anger.
And I've called out in prayer.
But silence is the only sound that fills the empty air.
I spend christmas eve with family galore.
Then I pick up my few gifts and head out through the door.
Its strange, because I never thought that I'd become.
A sorrowful, lonely, tired old bum.
When 40 years old is still yet to come.
Destiny doesn't always play fair.
If it did, in your heart I'd know that you still care.
But I know now that someone else sits in my place.
At your dining room table all covered with lace.
So home with my empty and tired old soul.
Where ever Santa only brought me a small lump of coal.
Another lonely christmas, without a doubt.
Dear Jesus, please tell me, just what's it all about?
Christmas, my Christmas!
The tree is all set up
The lights are all bright
Yuletide bells ringing
Christmas music is singing
Colorful wreath adorns the doorway
A sprig of mistletoe atop the door frame
Christmas flowers are everywhere
A beautiful red velvety site!
The mountains are snow glad
Leaves of trees are Christmas humming
Gifts are all embellished with laces and ribbons
Food is still warm, untouched
till the Christmas candles wear out
Now done with the hustle and bustle,
the waiting has begun
And I cry,
Christmas, my Christmas!
Where are you all these years?
My first Christmas without him,
But his scent still lingers.
I remember the nights by the fireplace,
The warmth of his arms around me,
The ripples across his chest.
I wish he had not left...
See, I pushed him away,
With the nagging and the lack of time,
And now I miss him,
Like a mother misses a child miles away.
And I wish this Christmas,
That I was in his arms.
Laughing at his past Christmas stories,
Cooking a feast for his family and mines.
And even as guests begin to arrive,
I feel alone,
Since he is now not by my side.
And I prayed and prayed that he would come back,
But that never did bring him back,
At least not yet.
And this Christmas my heart still belongs to him,
To my first love...
For he left me with the worst gift ever:
A lonely heart on Christmas.
You did this, you pushed the wrong buttons,
It was not supposed to end this way.
So now I hide behind these blinds,
I begged and pleaded you to stay.
You never saw that what i sacrificed for you was way beyond my powers,
But input everything aside for you and now you bring out the sorrows.
So thank you for showing me what your expectations were with me so you earned your crown,
So I say this as my finial words, "May Your Will Be Done".
The foreman and his missus
Had invited me to share
Their supper on this Christmas Eve
And to join their evening prayer.
Their little ones with shining eyes
Gazed at the Christmas tree,
Excited about their Christmas socks
And the presents they would see.
I walked back to the bunkhouse
Beneath a cloudless sky,
Searching to find the Christmas star
Still shining there on high.
The bunkhouse was warm, but lonesome
With no other cowpokes there.
They'd all gone home for Christmas.
I pretended not to care.
Christmas carols on the radio
Brought back thoughts of the star
That had shone down on those pastures
In that Eastern land so far.
Taking off my vest and Sunday shirt,
I threw them on the trunk.
I stripped down to my underwear
And crawled into my bunk.
My day had started early.
I had worked hard with the crew
So they could start their Christmas fun
When all the chores were through.
With no wife nor kids to need me
I had told the rest I'd stay
And watch out for the cattle.
They could have their Christmas Day.
The warm room made me sleepy
And I started in to doze.
Right there before my bugging eyes
The Christmas Star arose.
I was a lonely shepherd
In that land so far away,
Who had been left to guard the sheep
Until the break of day.
I heard the angels singing
And saw the moving star.
I marveled at the wonder
And glory from afar.
The bright star beckoned to me
And angels led the way
To where the future King of All
Lay in the mound of hay.
I wanted so to follow them
But I had pledged my word.
I had to turn a deaf ear to
The messages I heard.
I knew my solemn duty lay
In guarding helpless sheep.
I prayed the Lord's forgiveness but
The vigil I must keep.
The star reflected in the eyes
Of creatures all around,
Waiting for the lonely stray
Or any sheep they found.
I could not shirk my duty,
To seek Him out that night,
But I knew I never would forget
That glorious, wondrous sight.
I had this dream some years ago,
But should that star reappear
Ive hung up my rope and saddle.
I can follow with no fear.
Buy: Joyce Johnson (Posted in Cowboy Poetry. Com Dec. 2007)
I feel translucent
a man of marble skin
as if dreaming my motions
every step a tread in water
each reach of my hand
a ghost grip touches
but nothing holds and yet
I clutch these stones and
iron spear barricades
as a sea-snail would the bedrock
for this is my folly
to hug close the masonry of charity
I feel nothing
no remorse runs down my arms
to my useless wrists
twists my mouth into rabid snarl
no pleasure lifts my face
from the footfalls
of those celestial beings
not even a soaked black wall
on which I am a shadow
penetrates my deadened hide
I feel grotesque
I am a gargoyle of flesh and bone
sown into the fabric of these
towers with closed doorways
that form broken arch homes
for broken things
no longer am I broken
I have embraced
the cold and hunger
of my mouth and my soul
I am free of this place
here I am still
here for you to see
if you can stomach
to see me
I do not know?
Christmas eve arrived tonight
Upon it’s holy trek
Forthcoming at this time of year
A time to pause and reflect
A room laced with garland
A tree’s lights glistening bright
Caroling to be sung
Upon this holy night
Moments filled with laughter
And sounds of glowing cheer
Love and merriment shared
Of each one held so dear
These are just memories
That fills my heart with gloom
There are no tree or presents
To fill this empty room
This is the night the world has been waiting for,
The moment when clock has reached its twenty-fourth.
Warm embrace from lovers and friends,
Exchanging of gifts,showing of endearment.
But we're apart like sun and moon.
The time that's not mine nor yours,
The distance between us that is hard to reach.
The place in our heart is the best way to meet.
Tonight, I'm a victim of global slavery.
Hands were both tied,eyes were blindfolded.
Serving the King of world economies/
Celebrating the season with chain in our neck.
This is the moment of love and cheers,
Hoping you can hear me whispers...
"Merry Christmas, Darling!"--
Feel my hugs and kisses I send through the wind.
# For my family,daughters and partner.....
We may not be together on christmas day...
but my love will be yours...forever.. :"(
What's a Christmas without you
another lonely day feeling blue
an empty chair at my table
holding on is something I'm not able
to do without you
Off somewhere in a distant place
something I missed I can not face
but in reflections of a lonely Christmas Night
I wish things could have turned out right
His words flew like shoppers on a three-day-sale.
Growing flowers on my mind,
He said he will give me a card,
A red rose for his flaming love,
And a Christmas date for the both of us.
His words came like presents wrapped with glitters,
Too shiny for a mere man to make.
As its cover was torn,
The inside struck like a sharp blade.
My heart bleed when I saw the empty space.
I do not know?
T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house not a single noise could
For, you see, the only one up
Had practise of being quiet
even when she's screaming inside
With hand over mouth,
and tears streaming down her face
She silently sobbed the night away
The only festive colour running from her wrists
The only thing she wanted for Christmas
Was to be dead.
Once upon a Christmas Time
I was happy you were mine
Now this holiday is sad
Thinking of the love we had
That you threw away like trash
Making me fall hard and crash
Breaking me from outside in
How do I start to begin
Unwrapping the pain you left
Leaving me with no regret
The bows of love that made me smile
Are shredded ribbons in a pile
The paper signed with both our names
Is now burning in the flames
The present of my love each year
Was torn open with hate, not care
I was the star that tried to shine
And sparkle when you were mine
Stringing popcorn all night long
Until my love you strung along
Songs of joy and laughter sung
Till your voice of lying stung
Snowmen built up from the ground
Like our life till it fell down
Hot chocolate with marshmallows
Can't keep me warm from the cold
That froze my heart into ice
Now nothing can crack or slice
It back to a hot beating rhythm
My mind can no longer fathom
It melting ever again
I am giving up on men
In Lisbon 20 years ago – time frame unimportant-
I was invited to a Christmas party by my new wife
family and it was a big family, who had travelled
from Congo, France and Belgium.
Plenty of food and wine and back then I had little
restraint and a great appetite.
The promise of not drinking much was forgotten
and as had that day been upset by Israel’s
behaviour against Palestine I could not stop talking
about it as an injustice always affects me.
I remember telling people that Jesus was a Jew and
we Christians were guilty of genocide.
Every Christmas since, we sit at home and give each
other gifts and her family ring her, how was I to know
they were half Jewish.