They organized a church bazaar,
To raise money for the poor.
A booth for selling chances
Was set up, outside the door.
When I bought the raffle ticket,
My reasoning was murky,
And I could only just believe it,
When I won that doggone turkey.
Now, the kids were all excited
When we brought the critter home.
So we placed him in the barnyard,
Where he'd have lots of room to roam.
Since the date was late October,
I'm quite sure you understand,
That to have him for Thanksgiving
Was my awe inspiring plan.
Well, the turkey was no birdbrain,
As I was very soon to find.
That bird knew what I was thinking;
Why, I declare, he read my mind.
I let the children care for him,
To my most profound regret--
He turned on his charming manner,
And, quickly, he became their pet.
But that fact did not deter me,
I told myself it didn't matter.
I was dead set and determined
To see that gobbler on a platter.
When the kids perceived my purpose,
They turned on the tears and pleas.
Then, the wife joined in their chorus,
And that brought me to my knees.
So I told my grieving family
They could dry up, and relax.
I concealed my disappointment--
Went and put away the axe.
Came the dinner of Thanksgiving,
Not a sad face could be found.
And our live Thanksgiving turkey
Was the gladdest bird around.
We gathered around the table,
And I humbly asked the blessing--
While Tom gobbled down his corn, outside,
We had hotdogs and dressing.
I don’t know what I’m complaining about,
it’s not like I’ve been cuffed,
All I have to do is show up for dinner.
After all it’s the bird that got stuffed.
It’s not like they’re asking a lot from me
they won’t work me till I’ve croaked,
All I have to do is show up and eat.
After all it’s the bird that got smoked.
I can’t tell you that they’ll torture me
and it seems to be reasonably priced,
All I have to do is visit for a while.
After all it’s the bird that got sliced.
I could tell them things to make them laugh
until their gravy becomes splattered,
All I’d have to do is tell a joke to them.
After all it’s the bird that got plattered.
I think that it smells good enough that I’ll eat
until they claim my leg’s been hollowed,
All I have to do is not complain about things.
After all it’s the bird that got swallowed.
I’ve never given it much thought before
but a bird’s life is really kind of murky
I guess I’d rather be the Thanksgiving guest today
than be the Thanksgiving Turkey.
I feel a blockage has occurred...
It must have been all that stuffing and Turkey bird...
The gurgles, the rumbling, the passing of gas...
It’s beyond my control ,Oh dear, please let this pass...
We have guests you see...
So I don’t have the privilege to just get up and flee...
No one should ever be in this state...
And I should never have put so much on my plate...
Cause now I’m paying and to my demise ...
The rite of passage has been denied...
I feel like I may blow up and explode...
It’s times like this when you miss the commode...
Turkey oh turkey what can I say
Unbelievable tenderness is what we want this day
Relishing each tasty morsel with so much glee
Kindness in the air for everyone and me
Even gramps can’t growl as we bow to pray
Yes dear Lord, thank you for our blessings today
O Turkey My Turkey are you about done?
You’ve been in the oven since way before dawn
The people; so excited are waiting and waiting
For every bit of deliciousness that we are plating
Mash potatoes, gravy, cranberry, yams,
Green beans, Mac and cheese, and so much more
All waiting for you and stuffing to come thru the door
O Turkey My Turkey all tender and brown
You are finally ready; for us to gobble down
All of your goodness is gone with such flair
Nothing left but a carcass and so much despair
O Turkey My Turkey what have you done?
We’re almost asleep and the days barely gone
Unable to relish the desserts of today
All because we had heaps of tryptophan this very day
Alas, we shall doze and soon we shall savor
Yummy pies, cookies and cakes with all sorts of flavor
O Turkey My Turkey, you have been so dear
But I’ll fall for another same time next year.
I do not know?
"I stabbed a faggot
in the knees", he whispered.
I wanted him
To catch some
from a pile of
Growing stubble heads
and high-heeled masculinity
so I unhook them
to sea [see].
Gobble gobble I run from you.
Gobble gobble I don't want to be in your next stew.
Gobble gobble when will this end.
Gobble gobble maybe 9 or at 10?
Gobble gobble I have tripped.
Gobble gobble I hear the dogs come like a whip.
Gobble gobble I don't want to die.
Gobble gobble as well. Deep fried.
GOBBLE GOBBLE!... BARK BARK!.... GOBBLE!!!.....
(Voice of Morgan Freemen: Thus ends the life of a turkey he could of escaped if he just flied away but that's not how nature works.
Maybe he was fed to a family or to an animal we may never know, what we do know is never wish to be a turkey you just may end up as Dead Meat.)
(This has been a PBS Broadcast Thank you and for consideration by viewers like you.)
Turkey Duck And Junior
Some days like Sundays, turkeys are not too smart
They don’t go to church or drive cars or sing opera
One Sunday a turkey mated with a duck
The duck became confused for some odd reason
In its own language and vernacular it stated
Get off of me you simple; something that rhymed with duck
The turkey did not comply
It did continue in its sinful mission without permission
Later on an egg popped out of one of them
Neither one owned up
The shell cracked open suddenly and then
It did not quack. It did not gobble
After looking in a mirror the thing stated succinctly
Please return me to my shell immediately
I promise not to tell what you idiots have done to me
The turkey spun in circles counter clockwise
The duck swam backwards in the pond
Neither one responded responsibly
Junior found a shot gun and some shells
It shouted, I don’t know who you bird brains are
But if you are mom and dad you better marry
Or learn how to turkey up or duck
I know how to use this weaponry
To solve matters of illegitimacy