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Ballad Funny Poems | Ballad Poems About Funny

These Ballad Funny poems are examples of Ballad poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Ballad Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Ballad | |

What's in a Name .

Mom.. I think I might be homosexual..
CALM~DOWN !.. I just said THINK !..
It's not I fear
My multi~studded ear ,
Or that I look stunning dressed in pink .
I wont complain ,
As I sip champagne
Of my blemish~free youthful looks ,
Or how I enjoy the finer things in life ;
Like fine art , or poetry books .
 NO !.. I never joined the Girl~Guides .
 You're being silly...patronizingly .
I dont like damp
But I do love camp....
'Specially in Summer , by the sea .
I like being with Brad and Christopher ;
Young Lloyd is such a dear
And Mourice is such  a sweet lad ;
Yes.. I'll always keep them near .
But , deep inside my inner soul
When push will come to shove .
For my own part ,
Who has my heart ,
Yes !.. It's Annie I really love .
But one thing that still bothers me ,
And will , until my dying day ....
Is , when on that morn....
Yes!.. When I was born..
WHY ! !.. Did you name me  GAY ??...


Details | Ballad | |

The Ballad Of Prospector Pete

Prospector Pete had roamed the hills fer years searchin' fer gold!
He and his faithful burro, Fred, were both growin' weary and old.
He'd looked fer color in many a mountain and stream in Colorado,
Lookin' fer that mother lode, that elusive vein, his own El Dorado!

Oh, he'd found a few nuggets here and there, but didn't amount to much.
Those he did find he'd blown on gamblin', women, whiskey and such!
Pete would save a bag of dust or two from his many wanton toots,
To grubstake himself to re-supply his picks, jeans, shovels and boots.

He staked his claims along ripplin' streams and left many holes along the way.
The mountains and valleys are pocked with his many diggin's to this very day!
He'd come up dry, nothin' there, and move on to more appealin' pickin's,
Burrowin' and pannin' with elbows flyin' workin' like the dickens!

Pete would winter in his cabin 'til spring then he'd begin his annual quest,
Packin' his tools on long-sufferin' Fred and headin' fer the hills to the west.
If he didn't find that elusive bonanza this year he swore that he would retire,
To his ramshackle cabin at the foot of Mount Pisgah and enjoy the blazin' fire!

Years passed and Prospector Pete wasn't seen 'round town much anymore.
On a wintry day his friends found him froze to death upon his cabin floor!
They dug Prospector Pete's grave and buried him outside his cabin door.
Eureka! Six feet down was that vein of gold that he'd been lookin' for!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Ballad | |

DEAR, OH DEER!

For better or for worse they'd pledged 
upon  their wedding day, 
but all the so called better bits 
had somehow gone astray. 
 
Poor Blue and Joan had lost the zing 
that matrimony brings, 
so both sought out a counsellor 
and hoped he'd patch up things. 
 
"I sense you do not spend much time," 
the counsellor advised, 
"on doing the together things 
you both once highly prized. 
 
"The best advice that I can give 
is, spend less time apart. 
Go find a common interest 
and that will be a start." 
 
While driving home Joan said to Blue, 
"I know what we can do. 
Next week when you go hunting dear 
I'll come along with you." 
 
"But Joan you've never seen a deer 
or ever used a gun, 
but still if that is what you want 
I guess it could be fun." 
 
The next weekend they set on out 
and Blue advised his Joan  
to watch for hunters who may claim  
a deer that's not their own. 

With Joan concealed and out of sight 
Blue showed a lot of nous 
and circled 'round to chase a deer 
towards his waiting spouse. 
 
Then suddenly he heard a ... BANG! 
That made his poor ears ring 
and as he worked towards his wife 
he heard Joan arguing.  
 
Blue saw as he peered through the trees 
his Joan and some poor dude, 
both locked into a verbal war;  
a ding dong all out feud. 
 
The bloke then cried "Okay!  Okay! 
You keep the flamin' beast, 
but may I have the saddle though? 
Please grant me that at least?" 



Details | Ballad | |

Across the Way - The Sequel

Another day and the dishes have piled up yet again
So back I end up in front of the window 
I do not glance up, but concentrate
On the dull, dirtied objects before me
I do not hear the voices from yesterday
I still wallow in the grime of gray
I smile in malcontent
As I lather the dishes with soap
Against my will, I look up 
To see a lone, fat man opening a refrigerator
He is shirtless, bulgy, and he looks pregnant
My first supposition is to laugh
But I only look back down at the dishes
Not wanting to stare at the fat man
Not wanting to think he looks pregnant
For sure not wanting him to be my neighbor
Across the way

Against my will again, I look up
The fat, pregnant man is gone
I see ornaments on the refrigerator
Some pictures, some magnets
Family; not so different from my life
But yet, there is a transparent fancy of mystery
A flashy rage of difference in the silence
Oh, so quiet
The blazing sun sprays its light upon the hour
Not only are my hands wet from the soapy water
The deafening tone of quietude
Revels in me a mixture of loneliness and physical heat
A burning desire for something not seen
A desire for utter disgust of my newly found neighbors
But I find myself not disgusted at all
Until I look up again and see a fully naked man at the window
Across the way


Details | Ballad | |

Epitaph to a Happy Mosquito

T'was a warm summer's day, when I took to the trail,
to cruise that old black spruce, way down in the swale.

A gallon of bug dope was strapped on my hip,
which I figured would last me for most of the trip.

Down through the sphagnum I plowed like a moose,
a huffin' and puffin' and spittin' my snoose.

Then off in the distance, I heard a faint roar,
like B-29's coming home from the war.

The sky clouded over, so you barely could see,
"They're mosquitoes! "I cried, and they're coming for me.

They flew by me once and past me again,
a-flexing their stingers, before they moved in.

I grabbed for my bug dope and spread it on thick,
just hopin' and prayin', it would do the trick.

They came at me fiercely and punctured my hide,
But before they could drink much, they dropped off and died.

I thought to myself, "What type of bug dope is this?"
The mosquitoes all had smiles on, as they lay there in bliss.

After checking the label, I saw my mistake,
t'was the 100 proof whiskey, that Uncle Jake makes.


Details | Ballad | |

The Undersized Lunker

The dawn was approaching, not a breath of air blew,
And the bass should be bitin', at the edge of the slough.

I gathered my tackle and shoved in the boat,
Not knowing whether, the blamed thing would float.

A pull on the kicker, got old Betsy churnin',
To the home of the large-mouth, for which i'd been yearnin'.

The boat snaked on through, the lily-pad carpet,
Toward an old sunken log, as black as a tarpit.

Don't ask me how, but I knew he'd be there,
Just awaitin' to be pulled, from his watery lair.

With a flick of the wrist, the lure sped toward the log,
Which stuck from the water, at the edge of the bog.

The silence was shattered, as the bass took the bait.
You could see in his eyes, the feeling of hate.

I had him hooked firmly, in the side of the lip,
And he couldn't get loose, no matter how he should flip.

I guessed that he'd weigh, no less than twelve pounds,
For he was straining my tackle, beyond all its' bounds.

An hour went by, but he fought just as strong.
He had to give in, 'cause I couldn't last long.

Finally the old lunker, turned on it's side,
And slid in the net, with mouth opened wide.

But after I weighed him, I found to my plight,
He'd lost over ten pounds, during this long and hard fight!


Details | Ballad | |

Haggis and Drinks Mi Luve (Mythology)

Let’s hve haggis and drinks mi luve
Find de bes ina de ole land 
Lay yu head on mi chest mi luve
Whilst wi dance musik wid de band

Dance wid de band in de Highlands
Backyard jig good fer de ole soul
Tickle mi nose with yu gold locks
Tigether wi bade ead to toe’s sole

Call Fionn mi Luve with his jug
Nice poems he read at de gate
Summon the Clooties with a mug
Aye, they will cum and bles dis date

We’ll sail de river on Loch Ness
Kelpies will protect our flanks
Goddess Scotia says we bless
Oh mi chamin' sweet Sidhe, tanks

Aye! Mi sweet luve; Boobrie will fly
He will fetch up the Salmon Ring
And a knot cross de land we tye
Red Caps our guard til cum de spring

Then wid haggis and drinks mi luve
Goddesses'pipes blow dem great songs
In the grey mist we skip and dance
Then like Boobrie we fly with doves

Scottish Mythical Legends:

1. Fionn is a Scottish magician, warrior and poet
2. Clootie is a Scottish name for the devil.  The name originated from the word cloot, which  
    mean a division in the cleft hoof of an animal.
3. Kelpie is a Scottish water devil who lurks in lakes and rivers and drowns its victims.
4. Scotia is a goddess normally portrayed as an old hag with the tusks of a wild boar
5. Sidhe (Shee) is the Gaelic name for fairies in the Highlands of Scotland and also Ireland. 
6. Boodrie is a wonderful water-bird from the Highlands.  It haunts and protects the lakes  
    and wells.
7. Red Cap is a sort of short, stocky old guy with long gray hair and claws instead of hands 
    and fingers. He lives on the Scottish border and guard the ancient ruins of castles





Details | Ballad | |

Rubber Duckie

Rubber duckie you're the one
You're the reason I'm the one
Rubber duckie
You're the one for me


Details | Ballad | |

We Thank You, Pikachu

From our earliest times to the most recent of our days,

We've grown with pokemon, and we've learned their ways,

We've learned the evolutions, the special attacks,

We've learned what pokemon hide in tall grass,

We've learned the weaknesses and the advantages of them all,

We've learned a lot from our friends in a poke-ball,

We've battled hard against Team Rocket, Team Plasma, Team Aqua and Magma,

We've seen the impossible and defeated the improbable,

We've grown in a way that's practically inseparable,

Through the duels, and gym battles galore,

We've learned the companionship of a friend and more,

For this we look through the trees of Veridian forest,

And give thanks to our pokemon friends for enduring this life-long quest,

To be the best, surpass the rest, and grow together as a team,

To have our friends by our side and become the supreme,

For this we tip our hats, to these special pals our ours,

For standing by our side as we travel through towns, voyage the sea, and climb Spirit Tower,

Through thick and thin, we have a friendship no Vine Whip could damage,

And no matter the course, our pokemon seem to manage,

This is why, I suppose we all do, we grow strong with our friends by our side,

Cause no matter the challenge, our dear friends are along for the ride,

So no matter the game; be it blue,red,silver or white,

With pokemon at our side, the adventure is twice as bright.


Details | Ballad | |

Night

During the night 
She got in the fight 
With a person named right
That might keep the light 
From returning at dawn
They both took a yawn 
Then out popped out a song


Details | Ballad | |

The bawdy ballad of Robin Hood

Oooh Miss Whiplash 
Hit me with your cane 
Oooh Miss Whiplash 
Make me feel the pain 
and if I beg for mercy 
Please hit me once again 
Oooh Miss Whiplash
Hit me with your cane .

The merry men are captured 
and placed in the castle stocks
Tights pulled down around their ankles
They are wearing them like socks
For Prince John has hired Miss Whiplash
Telling her to whip their butts
but Robin hood is excited 
and can't keep his mouth shut .

Oooh Miss whiplash 
Hit me with your cane 
Oooh Miss Whiplash
make me feel the pain 
and if I beg for mercy 
Please hit me once again 
Oooh Miss Whiplash
Hit me with your cane .

Punishment is over 
The merry men set free 
Robin vows to rob the rich 
Until he rids Nottingham of poverty
but he knows his men need discipline 
To keep them on the right track
So he has kidnapped Miss Whiplash
and he's never going to give her back .

Oooh Miss Whiplash 
Hit me with your cane 
Oooh Miss Whiplash 
Make me feel the pain 
and if I beg for mercy 
Please hit me once again 
Oooh Miss Whiplash
Hit me with your cane . 

The wealthy have been so greedy 
Taxation so unfair 
Robin and his Merry men 
Are hero worshipped everywhere
The poor can have the money 
His men distribute it with care 
but Miss Whiplash he keeps for himself 
He's just not willing to share . 

Oooh Miss Whiplash
Hit me with your cane 
Oooh Miss Whiplash
Make me feel the pain
and if I beg for mercy 
Please hit me once again 
Oooh Miss Whiplash
Hit me with your cane .

For the Robin Hood Contest .
Sponsor Isaiah Zerbst.


Details | Ballad | |

TRIPPIN' OUT

 Here I sit
 Watching time go by.
 I'm all alone,
 But high.

 I think I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 Everything seems to be spinning.
 I see two frogs playing poker.
 And neither one's winning.

 I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 The phone rang,
 I answered my shoe.
 I couldn't remember
 What to do.

 I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 I heard the doorbell,
 And wondered if he or she
 Would be able to tell.


 That I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 So, I didn't answer the door
 And decided to get stoned some more.
 So I lit another joint,
 And to get right to the point.

 I was "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 My eyelids sank,.
 And my mind grew blank
 As the world moved farther away.
 I woke up the next day
 With these words to say,

 I was "Trippin' Out", without a doubt. 

(per contest rules - Influence was Marijuana)


Details | Ballad | |

Pan and Satan

Pan and Satan.

One morning I was walking in my garden
When old Jupiter came up close to me.
And standing by his side stood fair Demeter
Who smiled at me so warm and tenderly.
She said “my son we’ve come to give our blessings
And we’ve a story we would like to tell.
Of how the great God Pan turned into Satan
And child I hope that you will listen well.

For Pan he was the god of natures beauty
And he wore no taint till Satan came along.
He’d play his pipes so gaily in the meadows
Though sometimes there was mischief in his song.

Then Satan said to pan “well I don’t give a damn
I’m going to steal your horns and make you me.
Then I’ll build a master plan and strike some fear in man
So always he will live in misery.
And that’s the way old Pan became young Satan
Yet still the old one dances deep within.
But if the two had never joined together
Then where would dwell the ugliness of sin.

1990


Details | Ballad | |

Smile Its Your Birthday

it seems like an eternity
since ive seen ur smile
the fact that uve been gone
still has me in deep denial

a lot of stuff has happened
since ur smile left this earth
gatherings, eagles losing, parties
life changes and brooklyns birth

a lot of people miss u greatly
n think about u everyday
our last picture together
on my dresser it will stay

ur deep voice, ur humor, ur kindness
is what i tend to miss the most
ur passing forever broke my heart
but our memories i hold close

i must admit, i did hit rock bottom
drugs n alcohol i used to cope
i took ur passing very hard
i started to give up hope

but i looked into brooklyns eyes
n caught a glimpse of u
u probably would have kicked my ass
sober now i stay true

mom also met a fine fella
u actually would approve
no need to kick this guys ass
hes good to her n the kids to

madison is so smart n beautiful
byron is turning into a handsome man
there both striving so well
u should be a very proud dad

two of ur friends got engaged
there so cute n its exciting news
i hope they live a life of happiness
i know u would feel the same to

ur brother misses u the most
hes coping the best he can
he misses u as much as i do
he was ur biggest fan

ur neighbors n friends
also stop by ur page
reminiscing about the good times
the laughter n good chatter ud engage

thank-god for all the music
its a good way to deal with pain in life
cause without u here with us
its like eating steak without a knife

im over trying to understand
i feel ur in a happier place
you had ur own reasons
your demons u finally faced

but in a couple days
ur birthday we will celebrate
the big thirty seven u turn
teasing u old man woulda been great

your always in our hearts
in our thoughts forever jay
so while ur up in heaven...
smile...cause its ur birthday :)

http://youtu.be/Qy1LXL0606Q


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Saturday Morning

I woke up in a Saturday Morning
sleeping in too late.
It is a little boring
this is the mood I really hate.

I missed all of my favorite cartoons
its now 11 o'clock.
Maybe I should play with my harpoon
but I know I'll just be told to stop.

While I'm writing this poem
my brother comes up to me and says hey.
Then I go to my friends home
and that is what makes my Saturday.


Jakob Vaught


Details | Ballad | |

LAZY MOON

No mind to wait
From the pained wind
Down's moon
For the last siren.

I got that feeling
Everywhere I go she will 
Be watching me from above.


Details | Ballad | |

Karma

You spoiled me with gifts
You always helped me out
You said you'd always be there
You were all I was about

I eventually let my walls down
I finally let you in
It only lasted 2 months
I'm not gonna let u win

You tricked and deceived me
Everything was all just a lie
Other girls you did see
Your bulls**t I did buy

But I learned real quick
I finally caught on
I kicked you to the curb
And now your f**king gone

I'm a great, loving person
You obviously could not see
Your not gonna bring me down
Your just another faded memory

So be a cocky, selfish, dick
And chase after tail
Tell all your bulls**t lies
Cause at life you will fail

Cause when your old n gray
And there's no more drama
A lonely, sad life you'll lead
So haha F**k You, that's karma


Details | Ballad | |

Ham versus Hog

Let me tell you a story
From a time gone by
The tale of a greedy butcher
And a pig that could fly

In the little village of Piddle Brook
There lived a butcher named Mr.Ham
He was bearded, bulky, and a belcher
And was rumored to eat his own toe jam

A lover of all meat
Pork,beef,duck,chicken, and mutton
All this gorger did was eat
He was a professional glutton

But Mr.Ham’s appetite was not satisfied 
He longed for some thick greasy bacon
Just a few strips, nicely fried
Served with pickled daikon

He peeked through his window 
And with one beady eye 
Spotted his neighbors hog
And pictured a flaky pork pie

His mouth watered
"What a delicious midnight snack!"
"I will barbecue,braise and fry her"
"But first I will launch my attack"

"Oh but I shan’t become a thief!"
"T’was only a whim!"
But Mr.Ham’s thin scruples vanished
His growling belly got the better of him

He grabbed a pitchfork
And the hefty hooligan set out
He advanced on the sleeping hog
And grabbed her by the snout

Her piggy eyes shot open
And in a flash
She darted past the butcher
And ran past the fence in a dash

Mr.Ham bellowed in rage
And waddled after the beast
But the pig was too quick
Yet Mr.Ham never ceased

And so the chase continued
A wild game of cat and mouse
They ran through the streets
Row upon row,house after house

Finally the swine was cornered
The escaped pig let out a squeal
And great feathery wings sprouted from her back
Said the pig “Thou shalt not steal” 

And with one final snort
Two leaps and a hop
The winged sow flew away
And Mr. Ham collapsed with a plop

"I suppose it was a sign from above"
Mr.Ham sighed with defeat
From then on the rotund carnivore
Gave up on eating meat


Details | Ballad | |

the poverty blues song

I've got damp on my walls and cobwebs in the hall
got a rat in the kitchen
where the cockroach crawl.
I got holes in my shoes
where my toes peep through
I got a bad case of the poverty blues.

I got a crack in my bathtub and bed bugs in my bed
I got things crawlin through my hair
that make me scratch my head

Got piles of bills collected by my door
the one's I should have paid a year or two or more.
I try to get myself sorted
but always seem to lose
I got a bad case of the poverty blues.

Guitar.

I got trouble in my hovel
and the place could do with a good clean
I may not be superman
but  I try the best I can
I just find things so hard to do
Guess I got a bad case of the poverty blues.

Some people call me lazy
but I sure ain't crazy
I;m a man alone in the world what can I do
I got a bad case of the poetry blues.

I'd love to meet a girly
who could cook and clean
with lots of money
so I could live my dreams
one thet would say I do
so I no longer got to sing the poverty blues
say I no longer got to sing the poverty  blues uesssssssssssssss.

Peter Dome copyright. 2012.


Details | Ballad | |

SHADY LADY

I KNOW A LADY WHO IS SHADY
SHE ALWAYS STAYS IN THE GRAVY
HER MOUTH STAYS MOVIN', HER WORDS ARE CONFUSING
SHE'LL NEVER LEARN HOW TO STOP MIXING
NON FICTION AND SELF CONFLICTED ADDICTION;

SHE'S TOO HOT FOR THE SHADE
HER TONGUE IS A BLADE
THAT CUTS HER COMIN' AND GOIN';

I HEARD HER RECITING SOME LYRICS
I MOVED CLOSER JUST SO I COULD HEAR THEM
HER RYTHEM WAS BLAND EVEN WITH THE BEAT OF THE BAND
SO THE CROWD STARTED JITTERING AWAY

MAYBE THE SHADY LADY WILL DRINK THE GRAVY
AND SWOLLOW THE BLADES DOWN HER THROAT
THE CROWD WILL COME TO ACTION AND GET
SADISFACTION IN RUNNING SHADY LADY AWAY.



Details | Ballad | |

Saturn's Outer Rim

I sit here at the candlelit table in a silent plead 
Nineteenth century red wine is not what I need 
For I do believe I am beginning to hallucinate
Which means all my senses start to dissipate

I could swear the waiter was in the form of you
All the other guests gave me a familiar view
Each back of their head, the same blonde mop 
My eyes screwed up, still the feeling won’t stop 

I blink twice and look at my poor date 
He must think he’s in for a dire fate 
This crazy woman who now sits before him 
Looking like she belongs on Saturn’s outer rim

He reaches out to give me a worried grasp 
‘Are you alright?’
I respond with a dramatic gasp
I swore for a moment I saw your eyes 
As we now tuck into our shepherd pies 

‘Did I really order this?’ I said 
Was this off the menu I read?

He nodded his head, he looked to the ground
We sat there for 10 whole minutes without a sound 
‘What’s his name, the man that still has your heart?’ 
My lips begin to quiver, but they did not part 

I told myself I would never settle for contentment 
Nor live my life and wallow in my hearts resentment 
But is that what I am doing, tonight at this dinner?
Whilst my patience of my own mind wears thinner 

When all I really want is to be in your warm embrace 
To knock on your door, and see your handsome face
 
That’s what I’ll do! 

Oh god, I do feel rather dreadful for this poor man 
His romantic intentions haven’t quite gone to plan
He’s looking even more confused as I grab my clutch 
I rummage inside, it’s only fair if we go Dutch

‘I’m ever so sorry, but there’s someone I must see’
As I put down some money and begin my flee 
I run past the post office and the corner store 
Through the park I race, finally reaching your door 

I knock three times and wait, my head starts to pound 
What if he’s not in or worse, he has another girl round?
The light in the hallway comes on, my hands start to shake 
I bet she’s beautiful, wouldn't that be the icing on the cake 


The door opens, you greet my with a shocked expression 
I sigh heavily, not knowing how to state my intention 
‘I thought I’d just drop by for a late night chat’ 
That was the worst line ever, my conscience spat 

Oh if I don’t do it now, I might never get the chance!
I grab his shirt and pull him out of his shocked stance 
I press my lips to his and bring him back to our outer rim 
His hands on my back, I feel his mouth curl into a grin 



 


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Sir Archibald and the Black Knight - Part 1

Let me sing you a tale, a story of old,
Of a man without fear, of a knight brave and bold,
He sought out adventures, whenever they called,
And the name of this knight was Sir Archibald.

Whilst out riding his horse, a steed of great power,
He saw in the distance a creepy old tower,
At the top of this tower lived a pretty young maid,
Who was cold and was lonely and longed to be saved.

“Oh Sir Archibald, won’t you please rescue me?
I’m stuck in this tower and there’s nowt on TV.
I’m forced to stay in here, and wash all these socks,
While the evil Black Knight holds the keys to the locks.”

Sir Archibald loved the maiden so fair,
With her glittering eyes and her long golden hair.
“Of course I will save you!” was the knight’s brave reply,
“Or at least I shall give it a jolly good try!”

Sir Archie rode onwards, as fast as he could,
Until he came to the edge of the wood,
And there stood before him a terrible sight,
The tall, strong and mighty, the evil Black Knight.

The Black Knight was massive, someone to be feared,
With a scar on his face and a huge tatty beard,
Our villain’s description is only complete,
When we mention his dark eyes and big smelly feet.

“What do you want?!” called he with the big booming voice,
Of a man you’d avoid if were given the choice,
“You’ve got a young girl there, who you must set free.
Let her go now, or else answer to me!”


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Adieu Fair Pumpkin

A white pumpkin, how sublime
before the falling snow,
I'll warm the oven just in time
And in our tummies go!

So dear, so clear so virginal
This fair squash of thine
To take a sharpened knife at all
To it seems such a crime!

I turn it this way and then that
I cut its top and grin
I know just where that tin’s at
The one I’ll put it in…

Ah white pumpkin you’re bid adieu
As into your core I bore
Just as sweet and so yummy too
I’d ask for another encore!


Details | Ballad | |

The Cyber Nymph

The Cyber Nymph
Loch David Crane
August 18, 1997

Lie back--expose your belly ring		
up unto the sky. . .
I just hope when I get down close
it won't put out my eye!

That summer I was 48 
and she pert 25;
I left Prozac in the cupboard 
and Reality went Live.

I shoulda taken time to stop
and used the vorpal rubber
But 48 he couldn't wait 
to find another lover.

So while the Sun was merciless
to sand and skin and sea
"If she swells I'm sure she'll tell,
returning then to me."

I must admit I got her drunk--
I used her just for sex:
Blue and blond with freckles,
suntanned buns and pecs.

But she revealed computer skills
That took away my breath.
Her dancing cyber fingers sang;
I soon saw who was best.

Ol' 48 could bare compute
"Not very fast" she said;
"I've practiced years not to be fast"
gasped I, collapsed in bed.

Then the Sun warmed up the honey--
it dripped twice more in a row.
Ulysses' "rosy-fingered dawn"
beheld her frown, dress, and go.

That freshly-flossed feeling
reverberates my spine
A smile wells up from deep inside
and stays there all the time.

At play I watched this cyber nymph
on Netscape and E-mail;
Her eyes flashed, fingers flying,
shaking golden ponytail.

"You're kinda slow," she grumbled,
terrifying 48;
"But I like that in a man," she grinned,
making me feel great.

My old 12 color monitor
was not enough for her;
More movies, GIFs, and videos
flew by me in a blur.

But 48 he had a trick:
while she stared at the screen
I spoke in her ear, nibbled her neck,
and adored her like a Queen.

I kissed and bit and licked and squirmed
'til wrists and spine went quiet--
The way a mouse's legs go still
when python's on his diet.

And then the honey dripped once more,
the Sun was past its rise.
I felt its rosy hug and knew
that love was in my eyes.

I asked her for her address,	
she wrote with @ in code;
I said "I'm too old fashioned"
and asked for her telephone.

So when you dream, sweet 25,
tall cyber nymph of mine,
remember please old 48
who isn't past his prime.

And as the honey of the Sun
drips down into the sea
I'll recall my Cyber Nymph
and she will undelete me.
 


Details | Ballad | |

THE WISHING WELL OF A SUN-RISE,

It is...within the tiny things of early morning, that moment breaths alive, it is within the tiny whisperings, that a melodye plays...like the very dear and the antelope, play home on the range.

so goes the melodye of heart beat, that plays quietly the songs of soul,

here a rhyme is born of day-light coming so soon, through the early morning eyes of the moon-light, and the starry dreams of twilight's transitioning...

into the light of a love letter written to dawn.

soul to soul conversing, as in this love letter, the letters just join hands with the words and just march across the sky...and at the end of the rainbow, there be plenty of golden time,

way down deep on the inside,

...as the inspired choir, of a bumble bee, or a butterfly, starts to sing, like tiny things that live,

flower to flower,
blossom to bloom,

watered and deeply cared for...

O' Eden.

I say, deep beneath the surface of a wishing well...where the pennies lay,

I wish a sun-rise.








Details | Ballad | |

Always Remember Tooth Paste

Tears for fears.
Tears throughout the years.
Tears that fallen from my peers.
A tear so sincere that will shred us from this dreadful fear.
That someday we all will die.
But have u gotten a slice of that pie.
A pie so delicious u can almost taste.
That u cant let it go to waste.
Maybe next time I'll remember tooth paste.


Details | Ballad | |

tell me how to get to seaseme street

i couldn't find sesame street on my G.P.S
 it was somewhere down by electric ave i guess
but every time i put in where i wanted to go 
i ended up somewhere in the 91210

i thought that was quite odd 
that i keep ending up on holly wood blvd.
i figured it had to be in cali somewhere
so i walked around til i bumped into the fresh prince of bellere

so i ask him to point in the right direction if he could
he said! you must go thru mr rogers nieghborhood
but i must have taken the wrong turn you know
cause i ended up right in the middle of south central

i continued up the shore to the streets of san fransico
and came to find out that no one really knows
cause i posed the question to everyone i came to meet 
 can you show me how to get --how you get to seseme street
 


Details | Ballad | |

The Goat Cheese Craving Disease

A clever work indeed,
But you must really need,
Either a doctor or a goat,
It's up to you to vote,

In this poem you come acrostic,
To shepherds as diagnostic
As a woman a tad too caustic,
Of their herd's fruit a bit bombastic

I think they see with herder's eye,
You had too much Shepherd's Pie!!

Ha! Ha!


Details | Ballad | |

One Year

10/18/2007         To Krista,    love, Karen

When good things try to scare us with things we don’t deserve
Sometimes we still believe our lies and never find the nerve
To proudly stand and take the coin
That proves our lies were wrong
The months and days all in a row
The minutes took so long…
But here we are, one year has gone
And Krista never drank
The kids were kids
And all day long
Well, Krista never drank
We met again at Kingston Creek
That Saturday in June
We shared a common trait…
Who knew?
The two of us were doomed
Around the rooms for many years
And couldn’t find a friend
Imagine that.  Both in AA
The ‘clicks’ were smaller then
So Krista shared and so did I
About our sad dilemma
We both were gorgeous, smart and funny
But couldn’t find a frienda
The whole thing was hysterical
When we shared it with each other
We laughed the laugh 
Of those who laugh, and go on to recover
Laughter is the medicine that heals your every wound
I thank you Krista for being my friend
And getting me here by noon.


Details | Ballad | |

The Genius and the Good O'boy

this story's about a good o'boy
that knows his wits ain't the keenest
and a writer that thought he was cock-of-the-walk 
we'll refer to him as genius

genius liked to hang around o'boy
and make fun of him all day long
he would pick and poke and make sick jokes
o'boy would just laugh along 

now genius decided to protect his work
so he sent it to washington
said i'll be a star, yea i'm gonna go far
and my songs'll be number one.

well, his head began to swell a mite
when he started to receive
the kind of deals that come in the mail
when you register with the L.O.C.

now, o'boy might be simple folk. 
he don't claim to have a great mind.
but he can spot a scam, size up a man 
and read between the lines.

o'boy tried to warn him
said be careful or ya might get burned
but the know-it-alls are bound to fall
cause there's nutin else they can learn.

they said they'd sell genius his spotlight
make his name known all around
so he bent right over, stuck his head in the clover
and pulled his britches down.

well i can't really say how it happened
but the story soon spread around
and before ya know it that singing poet
was the biggest joke in town.

now, we can make fun of the downhom'eez
laugh at their back-wood way
make the simple folk the butt of our joke
but sometimes it just don't pay.