I stumbled through twisted tinsel streets,
oblivious to ice and seasonal shouts,
muffled by snow-silence; a mannequin moving through mists,
quietly fragmenting behind frost-fragile walls of frailty.
Bleak winds blew open the hinges of my hypothermic heart,
wailed a wintry lament only I could hear -
ice-shrapnel words blown to lodge in my ear: you've lost the baby.
Those four words were spiked icicles, glacier-cold;
hope disintegrated like snow-powder as they pierced me.
Streets seemed pregnant with the plumpness of babies,
their waxen doll faces bluish and cold,
their pink gummy mouths demanding, demanding.
And my breasts were frozen roses,
too iced to feed their tiny need.
Snowflakes trembled like butterflies blown from the Arctic,
or the feeble flutter of a failing foetal heartbeat.
The town became a barren expanse of white:
cold crystals drifting, acres of snow-diamond light.
But shops shimmered with heat, bulged bauble-gaudy
with the fatness of consumerism.
And I was reed-slender, my womb a hollowed-out tomb.
Everywhere, babies bloomed, precious as poinsettias,
mouths like petals, squirmy with hungry red cries and squalls,
echoing, echoing, as I squinted into the white squall.
And a ribbon of milk unloosed itself silently,
sudden and scalding, like a fountaining of tears;
a lacework trace soaking my shimmer thread sweater dress;
a single, small, white thaw as I silently unravelled,
stumbling through streets that spooled like silver yarn -
for 'Fragment' contest
Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama)
Shh!! Mommy, quiet quiet she is still sleeping...
Shh!! Mommy, quiet quiet she is off dreaming...
Shh!! Mommy, before you wake her: “My baby sister!”
Now look what you have done, you gone and woke her!
Please mommy do not tell her what you expect and will concur.
She is silently listening to the unique secret found in every waking minute.
Making movements, imposing that her dreams come with no limit.
Shh!! Mommy, she is off dreaming again,
Waiting for another day to end,
Hasting the way you count every minute before she arrives.
Shh!! Mommy, she is not ready yet.
She told me a secret when I press my ear near your nest.
She is hesitating the moment for you to hear her newborn cries.
She is not ready for you to count her fingers and look into her eyes.
She likes it in your womb where it is nice and warm.
She is in a dream protected by a place where angles swarm.
Mommy I fell asleep when you sang that beautiful lullaby..
Mommy, mommy, I’m ready to see her: “My baby sister!”
I want to play with her- Is she everything we dreamed of.
I’m sorry mommy, I do not understand why you cry!
I was not there when the angels woke her without saying goodbye.
Mommy, why did God call and take her home?
Mommy, I am still here, please do not feel alone.
Shh!! Mommy, do not cry no more.
Mommy, please wipe those tears, and show me how to be brave.
Mommy, stop, listen, and feel her smile and wave.
She will always listen, when you visit her grave.
Hi mommy, why don't you stand by her grave anymore?
Mommy, I see you weep no more.
Mommy is she no longer asleep nor in dreams?
Is she in a better land with no trials and deems?
Mommy, now I see every one’s heart is clear, and no longer stillborn.
Mommy, now life must go on, and in it, we will always have time to mourn.
One more thing, mommy thank you for holding my hand,
I am just a sibling, who needed time to understand.
Sometimes I look around me
and I see an empty space
where you might be playing
a sweet smile on your face
You might be calling out to me
asking me to play
and I would be there with you
and you would fill my day
At bedtime I would read to you
then before I tucked you in
I would open up my arms
and you would climb right in
I would kiss your baby cheek
and tell you "you're my love"
then I'd hold you close to me
and thank the Lord above...
But when I look around again
there's just an empty space
no toys scattered on the floor
no shinning little face
I'll never hear you call my name
or watch you as you grow
but you will always be with me
no matter where I go
I know there is a heaven
and I know that you are there
and you have a better life
than I could give you here
until I take my final breath
I will always pray
that through God's most precious gift
I'll be with you someday
Then I will take you in my arms
and hold you close to me
your laughter will ring in my ears
your smiling face I'll see
we will be together
my precious baby boy
and then the only tears I'll cry
will be ones of joy
I hope that you can hear me
I have so much to say
but I never had the chance
since you left me that day
for now I want to tell you
that I love you so
and I am so very sorry
that you had to go
If you could have stayed with me
my dream would have come true
and I know I would have done
anything for you
and even though you went away
and we must be apart
I know you will always live
forever in my heart
To be called ..
~ Grandma is a Honor ~
I have been blessed with 4 Grandchildren
~ one lays in Heaven " Kaleb " He is God's Angel ~
~ His twin brother he will always watch over , and be in his soul~
For he loved his Brother so much in the womb ,
he chose Heaven which gave life to his twin
~ I feel his spirit when I see the other Grandson ~
Time passed another gift to see
we are " Mickes" and Loved
Our Dad held the title in Baseball
~ that's how we roll ~
those children are Grandmas hero's
The Irish they love big and Family is everything
The brothers will protect the beautiful sister
~ as many lads will be calling ~
Every time my Grandson hits a home run
There will be a Angel watching proudly in the stand
It will be as if the Angel lifted him when he runs
~no one runs faster then my Grandson~
either baseball or Art ~ you shall find your gift given
These children have been blessed~
~ a beauty to hard to describe
If you think not ~~ Take a look at the Mom
That girl can stop Traffic
after raising three and still~
"Inspired by the gift and loss of Grandchildren "
May our precious " Kaleb " softly rest where Angels only Dwell
Sweeter than a flower special as could be
A little girl softly asleep
Kneeling in prayer singing a tune
Beautiful young one baby girl
See her face glowing
Know that she's going to a better place
Surrounded by angels
Near the pearly gates
Safely in the sacred arms
Looking up at Jesus face
Sweeter than a flower
Special as could be
A little girl softly asleep
Close your eyes right now
See her going
To a better place
Your little baby girl
Tonight as my baby girl started to pray
She said God it's 8 O'Clock,
And God We need to talk.
She said daddy help me pray,
And daddy bow your head,
As we knelt beside her bed.
she said God can you hear me?
Mommy always said you'd hear me,
If I would learn to pray,
And that you would show me the way.
Well God I don't understand.
Why you took my mommy away.
Daddy always says i'll understand,
When I grow up some day.
She said God, you need your son.
Well I need my mommy to,
And I know that my daddy,
Would be happier with mommy.
Cause daddy talks to her,
And mommy's not even there.
God can you please,
Give my mommy wings,
So she can come to see us.
She always kept our house clean,
And God I know,
She keeps your house clean to.
And God I miss mommy's big hugs,
Daddy says your son gives hugs to.
So I know if my mommy had wings,
She could hug me and daddy.
Well God I want to thank you,
For being there to listen,
And God think about what I said.
And tell mommy that I love her,
And God I love you to.
Oh just one more thing God,
Help my daddy stop crying.
Thank you God, Amen,
Then she turned to me and said,
Goodnight daddy, I love you.
I was still on my knees,
Beside my little girls bed,
With tears running from my eyes.
I gave my baby a goodnight kiss,
And said sweet dreams baby girl.
Then I went to my room,
And kissed my wife's picture,
And with tears in my eyes,
I knelt down to pray,
I said God, We need to talk.
A gift like no other gift,
one that can't be bought
a precious human being,
deserving the right to live
to exist as we all do,
but sometimes it just doesn't
happen that way,
A baby of no harm,
a baby of no sins
a baby of pure love,
and only innocence
Sitting there all alone,
I was surrounded,
why it may be
that I am made to suffer,
Wanting nothing more,
but to die
inside and out,
Things happen for a reason,
so I was taught
I'll never know the reason,
but I'll always feel the loss
The loss of my child,
my baby was taken
away from me,
and there is no reason
I constantly ask myself,
why did this happen?
what did I do wrong?
I asked God to save my baby,
to protect us both
I remain here,
but my baby is gone
It seems as if, my whole world,
just fell apart
and all I could do,
was sit back and watch it happen
I found myself,
anyone to hold me
All I could do was cry,
I had to cry, for the sake of myself
for the sake of my baby,
for the sake of my heart
I had to weep
I cried and cried aloud,
hoping to be heard
I'll do whatever you want
you have my word,
just please save my baby
I bled so much,
had so much pain
denied to myself,
everything would be okay
Crying and pleading,
praying and weeping
became an everyday routine,
it was so hard to believe
this was happening to me,
It's not over yet,
it never will be
everyday and every night,
it's in my memory...
My sweet baby
you will always be with me...
This is how I come to fade!
oh baby I once loved you.
oh I once loved you!!
My heart is aching for you, now.
My love for you cries out!
it cries out!
oh oh this is the way you have made me.
This is the way I have come to fade.
Oh baby I once loved you.
How I've lost my baby boy.
To a choir of selfish indulgence.
He's been lost inside a bowl.
A bowl of bloody senselessness.
And I watched him wave his fingers high.
Closed his eyes, and slowly died.
And I wept inside my very soul.
So will someone call an ambulance?
To bring my baby back.
For him to slowly wave at me.
For that feeling that I lack.
And my baby boy, I say again.
He's up in heaven, counting sins.
Waiting for that day and then.
His daddy will come home.
And sing his songs back to him.
In a tone that he won't believe.
In hopes he will forgive me.
So can someone see this reverence?
Inside my baby boy.
That shines deep inside his eyes.
That shines to show his joy.
Elegy to Child Lost
Passion's love oft tempts despair
Casts a prideful cosmic dare--
Like Prizing Joy's most intimate caress
Babe snug beneath a mother's breast
Senses at this time are keen
There's no secret kept between
Loving mother, wriggling babe--
Wanted , dreamed of, much delayed
But entwined twin was also loved--
Some say Nature's method proves
That one twin may give all to mate---
But this fatal sacrifice must decimate.
Only mother's eyes would feel babe's smiles--
or sense those legs that wandered miles
And daring feet that danced in tunes while
Arms swam in gentle Celtic croons.
When babe vanished--not a sound.
Mother 's grief was not allowed.
Tempted so to trail behind
Escaping shattered troubled mind.
Squelching sorrow's hungry arms
She Tried erase babe's fluttering charms
Never spoke of-- never mourned.
By her husband she was warned
Was best forget a child so early lost--
Funerals, gravestones--such a cost--
But the years have called babe near,
Mother's journal writ in tears:
'Please forgive my selfish heart.
Repressed from all --this tragic part
I felt your sacrificial act--
You left your cherished twin intact'.
There is no law of random acts
Doctors examine data facts
It may be --that in the womb
When both spring flowers cannot bloom
One bold twin refrains to eat
Compels the other to complete
Hardy growth that life requires---
Sparks survival's crucial hours.
Not an accident 'tis sure--
Boldest spirits blossom pure.
Victoria Anderson-Throop ©