Mama, did you know the precious amethyst shadow hours
I spent beside you, cuddled cosy-close, nestled in blankets of light,
shawled in your red-gold hair? I kissed each tear you cried;
each one a starlight pearl forged from the depths
of your fragile soul. I rocked seashell-shut to each lullaby note
and silently watched as you rocked my cold, empty cradle.
Sometimes you sensed me coiled at your breast -
a small, balled knot of grief. You felt my tiny fingers plucking at you
as tingling shivers. And sometimes I bounced sunshine-free
on your knee, a giggling orb of light.
Little one, once again I felt you here,
entombed in the womb of this eternal everywhere room,
your spirit sifting through my fingers like hourglass sand.
Pain has blanked my mind wraith-white, but I felt
your lips nip the warm rosebuds of my nipples
as I pressed a lullaby to the delicate shell of your ear
and brief blessed seconds spun out like years.
My sentient heart will always hold you, my grip will never slip,
as my earthbound hands, human-warm, reach through time
and heather-shadowed ether to love and care for you.
*'phantasy' is a deliberate misspelling, an amalgamation of 'phantom' and 'fantasy'
I stumbled through twisted tinsel streets,
oblivious to ice and seasonal shouts,
muffled by snow-silence; a mannequin moving through mists,
quietly fragmenting behind frost-fragile walls of frailty.
Bleak winds blew open the hinges of my hypothermic heart,
wailed a wintry lament only I could hear -
ice-shrapnel words blown to lodge in my ear: you've lost the baby.
Those four words were spiked icicles, glacier-cold;
hope disintegrated like snow powder as they pierced me.
Streets seemed pregnant with the plumpness of babies,
their waxen doll faces bluish and cold,
their pink gummy mouths demanding, demanding.
And my breasts were frozen roses,
too iced to feed their tiny need.
Snowflakes trembled like butterflies blown from the Arctic,
or the feeble flutter of a failing foetal heartbeat.
The town became a barren expanse of white:
cold crystals drifting, acres of snow-diamond light.
But shops shimmered with heat, bulged bauble-gaudy
with the fatness of consumerism.
And I was reed-slender, my womb a hollowed-out tomb.
Everywhere, babies bloomed, precious as poinsettias,
mouths like petals, squirmy with hungry red cries and squalls,
echoing, echoing, as I squinted into the white squall.
And a ribbon of milk unloosed itself silently,
sudden and scalding, like a fountaining of tears;
a lacework trace soaking my shimmer thread sweater dress;
a single, small, white thaw as I silently unravelled,
stumbling through streets that spooled like silver yarn -
for 'Fragment' contest
Shh!! Mommy, quiet, quiet she is still sleeping
Shh!! Mommy, quiet, quiet she is off dreaming
Shh!! Mommy, before you wake her: “My baby sister!”
Now look what you have done, you gone and woke her!
Please, mommy do not tell her what you expect and will concur.
She is silently listening to the unique secret found in every waking minute.
Making movements, imposing that her dreams come with no limit.
Shh!! Mommy, she is dreaming again,
Waiting for another day to end,
Hasting the way you count every minute before she arrives.
Shh!! Mommy, she is not ready yet.
She told me a secret when I press my ear near your nest.
She is hesitating the moment for you to hear her newborn cries.
She is not ready for you to count her fingers and look into her eyes.
She likes it in your womb where it is nice and warm.
She is in a dream protected by a place where angels swarm.
Mommy I fell asleep when you sang that beautiful lullaby..
Mommy, mommy, I’m ready to see her: “My baby sister!”
I want to play with her- Is she everything we dreamed of.
I’m sorry mommy, I do not understand why you cry!
I was not there when the angels woke her without saying goodbye.
Mommy, why did God call and take her home?
Mommy, I am still here, please do not feel alone.
Shh!! Mommy, do not cry no more.
Mommy, please wipe those tears and show me how to be brave.
Mommy, stop, listen, and feel her smile and wave.
She will always listen, when you visit her grave.
Hi, mommy, why don't you stand by her grave anymore?
Mommy, I see you weep no more.
Mommy is she no longer asleep nor in dreams?
Is she in a better land with no trials and deems?
Mommy, now I see everyone’s heart is clear, and no longer stillborn.
Mommy, now life must go on, and in it, we will always have time to mourn.
One more thing, mommy thank you for holding my hand,
I am just a sibling, who needed time to understand.
Sometimes I look around me
and I see an empty space
where you might be playing
a sweet smile on your face
You might be calling out to me
asking me to play
and I would be there with you
and you would fill my day
At bedtime when I read to you
before I tucked you in
I would open up my arms
and you would climb right in
I would kiss your baby cheek
and tell you "you're my love"
then I would hold you close to me
and thank the Lord above...
But when I look around again
there's just an empty space
no toys scattered on the floor
no shinning little face
I'll never hear you call my name
or watch you as you grow
but you will always be with me
no matter where I go
I know there is a heaven
and I know that you are there
and you have a better life
than I could give you here
until I take my final breath
I will always pray
that through God's most precious gift
I'll be with you someday
Then I will take you in my arms
and hold you close to me
your laughter will ring in my ears
your smiling face I'll see
we will be together
my precious baby boy
and then the only tears I'll cry
will be ones of joy
I hope that you can hear me
I have so much to say
but I never had the chance
since you left me that day
for now I want to tell you
that I love you so
and I'm so very sorry
that you had to go
If you could have stayed with me
my dream would have come true
and I know I would have done
anything for you
and even though you went away
and we must be apart
I know you will always live
forever in my heart
To be called ..
~ Grandma is a Honor ~
I have been blessed with 4 Grandchildren
~ one lays in Heaven " Kaleb " He is God's Angel ~
~ His twin brother he will always watch over , and be in his soul~
For he loved his Brother so much in the womb ,
he chose Heaven which gave life to his twin
~ I feel his spirit when I see the other Grandson ~
Time passed another gift to see
we are " Mickes" and Loved
Our Dad held the title in Baseball
~ that's how we roll ~
those children are Grandmas hero's
The Irish they love big and Family is everything
The brothers will protect the beautiful sister
~ as many lads will be calling ~
Every time my Grandson hits a home run
There will be a Angel watching proudly in the stand
It will be as if the Angel lifted him when he runs
~no one runs faster then my Grandson~
either baseball or Art ~ you shall find your gift given
These children have been blessed~
~ a beauty to hard to describe
If you think not ~~ Take a look at the Mom
That girl can stop Traffic
after raising three and still~
"Inspired by the gift and loss of Grandchildren "
May our precious " Kaleb " softly rest where Angels only Dwell
My body is a graveyard.
I buried you inside this defective womb.
I am less than a woman.
My flesh a fertile tomb.
I will never hold you.
My baby is crying.
My baby is crying and no one can hear their haunting wail but me.
Night after night.
Momma loves you.
Inviting this emotional decay,
I am damaged.
My heart is in the ground with you, dear one.
This body betrayed me.
The space between these hips,
Now an empty cradle.
That gentle heartbeat,
I am always with you.
My soul gently rocks you,
As you sleep.
When the fragile heart stops beating,
Are you still called mother?
Sweeter than a flower special as could be
A little girl softly asleep
Kneeling in prayer singing a tune
Beautiful young one baby girl
See her face glowing
Know that she's going to a better place
Surrounded by angels
Near the pearly gates
Safely in the sacred arms
Looking up at Jesus face
Sweeter than a flower
Special as could be
A little girl softly asleep
Close your eyes right now
See her going
To a better place
Your little baby girl
Tonight as my baby girl started to pray
She said God it's 8 O'Clock,
And God We need to talk.
She said daddy help me pray,
And daddy bow your head,
As we knelt beside her bed.
she said God can you hear me?
Mommy always said you'd hear me,
If I would learn to pray,
And that you would show me the way.
Well God I don't understand.
Why you took my mommy away.
Daddy always says i'll understand,
When I grow up some day.
She said God, you need your son.
Well I need my mommy to,
And I know that my daddy,
Would be happier with mommy.
Cause daddy talks to her,
And mommy's not even there.
God can you please,
Give my mommy wings,
So she can come to see us.
She always kept our house clean,
And God I know,
She keeps your house clean to.
And God I miss mommy's big hugs,
Daddy says your son gives hugs to.
So I know if my mommy had wings,
She could hug me and daddy.
Well God I want to thank you,
For being there to listen,
And God think about what I said.
And tell mommy that I love her,
And God I love you to.
Oh just one more thing God,
Help my daddy stop crying.
Thank you God, Amen,
Then she turned to me and said,
Goodnight daddy, I love you.
I was still on my knees,
Beside my little girls bed,
With tears running from my eyes.
I gave my baby a goodnight kiss,
And said sweet dreams baby girl.
Then I went to my room,
And kissed my wife's picture,
And with tears in my eyes,
I knelt down to pray,
I said God, We need to talk.
This is how I come to fade!
oh baby I once loved you.
oh I once loved you!!
My heart is aching for you, now.
My love for you cries out!
it cries out!
oh oh this is the way you have made me.
This is the way I have come to fade.
Oh baby I once loved you.
A gift like no other gift,
one that can't be bought
a precious human being,
deserving the right to live
to exist as we all do,
but sometimes it just doesn't
happen that way,
A baby of no harm,
a baby of no sins
a baby of pure love,
and only innocence
Sitting there all alone,
I was surrounded,
why it may be
that I am made to suffer,
Wanting nothing more,
but to die
inside and out,
Things happen for a reason,
so I was taught
I'll never know the reason,
but I'll always feel the loss
The loss of my child,
my baby was taken
away from me,
and there is no reason
I constantly ask myself,
why did this happen?
what did I do wrong?
I asked God to save my baby,
to protect us both
I remain here,
but my baby is gone
It seems as if, my whole world,
just fell apart
and all I could do,
was sit back and watch it happen
I found myself,
anyone to hold me
All I could do was cry,
I had to cry, for the sake of myself
for the sake of my baby,
for the sake of my heart
I had to weep
I cried and cried aloud,
hoping to be heard
I'll do whatever you want
you have my word,
just please save my baby
I bled so much,
had so much pain
denied to myself,
everything would be okay
Crying and pleading,
praying and weeping
became an everyday routine,
it was so hard to believe
this was happening to me,
It's not over yet,
it never will be
everyday and every night,
it's in my memory...
My sweet baby
you will always be with me...
How I've lost my baby boy.
To a choir of selfish indulgence.
He's been lost inside a bowl.
A bowl of bloody senselessness.
And I watched him wave his fingers high.
Closed his eyes, and slowly died.
And I wept inside my very soul.
So will someone call an ambulance?
To bring my baby back.
For him to slowly wave at me.
For that feeling that I lack.
And my baby boy, I say again.
He's up in heaven, counting sins.
Waiting for that day and then.
His daddy will come home.
And sing his songs back to him.
In a tone that he won't believe.
In hopes he will forgive me.
So can someone see this reverence?
Inside my baby boy.
That shines deep inside his eyes.
That shines to show his joy.
The distant sound of foot fall as
I trod a barren land
Diminished to an echo near my heart
My "patience" through the years has
Brought me to a still born stand
Encompassed by the fears of a new start
Grieve I for the life I've lost
Forever laid to rest
My emptiness is now a hardened shell
My struggle to surrender fights
Temptation to resist
Who will be the victor? Time will tell.
Elegy to Child Lost
Passion's love oft tempts despair
Casts a prideful cosmic dare--
Like Prizing Joy's most intimate caress
Babe snug beneath a mother's breast
Senses at this time are keen
There's no secret kept between
Loving mother, wriggling babe--
Wanted , dreamed of, much delayed
But entwined twin was also loved--
Some say Nature's method proves
That one twin may give all to mate---
But this fatal sacrifice must decimate.
Only mother's eyes would feel babe's smiles--
or sense those legs that wandered miles
And daring feet that danced in tunes while
Arms swam in gentle Celtic croons.
When babe vanished--not a sound.
Mother 's grief was not allowed.
Tempted so to trail behind
Escaping shattered troubled mind.
Squelching sorrow's hungry arms
She Tried erase babe's fluttering charms
Never spoke of-- never mourned.
By her husband she was warned
Was best forget a child so early lost--
Funerals, gravestones--such a cost--
But the years have called babe near,
Mother's journal writ in tears:
'Please forgive my selfish heart.
Repressed from all --this tragic part
I felt your sacrificial act--
You left your cherished twin intact'.
There is no law of random acts
Doctors examine data facts
It may be --that in the womb
When both spring flowers cannot bloom
One bold twin refrains to eat
Compels the other to complete
Hardy growth that life requires---
Sparks survival's crucial hours.
Not an accident 'tis sure--
Boldest spirits blossom pure.
Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
The Angel We Gave To You...
He could have taken anyone
But no one really knew
Of all the people in this world
God had chosen you
Your little face so beautiful
We loved you from the start
Every tiny part of you
Engraved upon our hearts
Every precious moment
Every hour that you gave
Every time we held you
Was a precious memory made
We’ll never see you smile
We will never watch you grow
Which makes the time we had with you
More precious that you know
Everyday we'll send you
Love and kisses up above
For nothing’s greater in this world
Than mummy and daddy’s love
In times of pain and sadness
When we feel all hope is gone
We’ll know that in your sister, and our hearts
You will live on
And when we go to bed each night
We’ll close our eyes and pray
We’ll put our hands together
And this to God we’ll say
“You’ve taken someone special
Who we love more than you know
So brave, but very fragile
So with you she had to go
Please wrap her in your tender arms
And love her like we do
And cherish every moment
The Angel…we gave to you”
For Ruby xxXxx
written 28th oct 2012
You were never seen by us, that privilege sadly was not for us
an extravagance we were overwhelmed by, the thought of your embrace
The entire twelve weeks you were a joy to have known, even 'without' being seen
hearing about you're arrival, was a blessing at the time you were conceived
For life hadn't been easy and we had all asked God, we even plea'd
We wait upon the day, you will finally meet us
having the honour to love and learn with you, saddly not for us
It brakes my heart as you part, you had already embeded love into my heart
Just knowing we will now...forever be kept apart
God has other plans for your love that's so strong, blessing us from the start
we continually pray, maybe he'll deside to let you stay around
But the intense pain of tears and loss, are constantly falling all around
just let it be known, we all desperately wanted you to become part of us
We all will love you for eternity, you are now forever one of us,
although it was only for a very slight second, it was better than never
You are from this day on, embedded into our hearts forever...
the impact you have left 'unborn young one'' my beloved grandchild....
I watched the sun topple from the sky
like a child’s red rubber ball
bouncing out of control
I almost caught it
but I couldn’t lunge fast enough
reach far enough to grasp it
and it ricocheted out of sight
I watched the dawning
of a new virgin spring
fade away into nothingness
before it had even begun
I almost stopped it
Almost pulled it back into its position
in my immediate future
But there is nothing substantial to cling to
in what could be or should be
I watched a blue-blanket wrapped baby
being carried away from me
through the sterile silent corridor
I almost kept them from taking you away
Almost kept you with me safe inside me
But God’s will was stronger than my will
I almost hated God for teasing me
with visions of what could never would never be
I watched life walking away on rubber non-skid soles
that never seemed to touch the porcelain tiles
The ephemeral illusion of life in its purest form
A mother with a baby at her breast
I almost rose up to chase it
but my zest for life vanished
with the fleeing vision
I almost was able
to nourish you watch you grow
Now I’m left with memories of what
will never be but will forever be
I was almost a mother
Almost had my baby to hold
Almost felt your baby kisses
touching my soul
But almost doesn’t count
You were only ever
almost my little boy
but forever my littlest angel
The fluttering of your baby wings
beating the rhythm of my heart
Carried safe in my soul
where you will never know sorrow
never suffer the cruelties of this world
You took the spring
and wrapped yourself in the warmth
of the season as you entered eternity
without your mother’s arms to cradle you
You took the sun from the sky
because it was your red rubber ball
and you didn’t know
if there would be toys in Heaven
Almost doesn’t count
But forever does
Happy Birthday Randy (my littlest angel) March 18. I love you forever.
this life descends
mired at death's door
as its light steadily dims
these aweary bleached bones
doth mourn once youthful days
when innocence pure o'er this soul
in blissful ignorance happily reigned
before time's ephemeral passing breath
enshrouded this woebegone heart's moody
mangled reprobate impenitent suasible flesh
with ne'er a humble outcry nor ire forbearance
this lingering bemired e'er obstinate human clay
whence forth engenders hope's demise since afore
existence's perfect birth beyond its motherly womb
till sufferings' midlife malefic spirits furtively abort
its righteous life-giving journey heavenward bound
an inward promise greedily denied by passion's fire
mere dust in blackness of darkness wholly effaced
from paradise lost to limbo's nonexistent embrace
this inflexible cursed soul henceforth forgotten
a preemie spirit resident to fields of silence
© Eugene Harvey
Hush little baby, sleep in peace, and know
That one day will all meet, by your
Side will hold you high, until that day
Spread your wings, and be our Angel
In the sky, even though our question
Remains at why, the moment you left
Tears struck our eyes, Baby boy we
Hear you "Tell mommy and daddy not
To cry keep me safe in your Hearts"...
For my Baby nephew who lived 2hrs.
I do not know?
Well we are already a couple of months in so i just wanted to say welcome.
this will be a new journey for the both of us, so i hope it will be awesome.
I will try to write more than usual this year, I promise. :)
What would help tho if you readers would send me topics and stuff to help me write about things cuz my mind goes way faster than my fingers and i cant think of just one thing. lol. so thank you readers. plz comment and tell me your thoughts.
Somebody’s Baby, lie still
Embalmed in pure white cotton,
Cocooned securely, like the babe in arms
within the shroud.
Seraphim cavort no more upon a form
once touched with shades of youthful innocence.
Somebody’s Baby, be sure.
Your time for dreams now spent,
No future beckons only time captured frame by frame,
Frozen in vulgar technicolor;
Close Up; Explicit, depicting genre yet unclassified;
The epic over exposed.
Somebody's Baby, be silent.
Grey and gnarled imposter in the cot
Metamorphosis contrives a landscape dry and gnarled.
No more seductress of tender ministry;
Solitary, silently; endures the travesty
Of human demise.
I was born in a world of poverty and soiled life of a third world country
The way I lived till I was five years of age was walls of boundary
These walls had towers of guards that had no heart or care
If a child would try to climb the wall they lose their life I swear
Father had drank and threatened my mother with a knife
My father lost his job and wife and that was the hardship of life
He stopped my mother from taking off with me in her arm
Hoping that my father would ignore and left me be with no harm
When my father went off to drink one night and came home with rage
My brothers stood by my crib and took a beating that set up the next stage
My father had woken up to three scared children half starved and in pain
His final words as he walk away from the orphanage gate live life do not go insane
I was still a baby in the orphanage; the caretakers did not really care about the babies
They stole items and materials those wicked men and maternal evil ladies
They starved all the babies because it cost a lot to keep them alive
As a child of that age I could feel the sins and greed that gave out bad vibes
I was ignorant about what I drank and ate, as I see white maggots move in my bottle
As I see them move I thought about how they were playing and some were hostel
They ate each other to keep each other alive in a manner that took me by surprise
In the back round I hear others throwing things with sounds of painful cries
I got very strong at a young age I was able to start pulling myself up over the cage
My feelings were to see my brothers with strong lungs that I cried out of rage
My two brothers came to see me and sneak food into my crib
The caretaker would find the food in my hands as they grabbed it and hit me on my ribs
As painful as it was I kept eating the food with blood in my mouth as it was instinct
I sometimes laid in my crib dazed and confused with smell of death so distinct
With all my might I kept myself strong and climb the small wall
I finally was old enough to get out of the building and I could hear my brothers call
With tears of joy with short legs that ran as fast as my heart
I ran to my brothers arms and held their hands to have a new start
I grew stronger everyday but more things came into my life in a manner of dismay
If my brothers stay by my side I could smile and everyday their would be okay
She's on her way going back to a room.
From a long journey since morn.
She went to church and prayed harder.
Then she baught a gift for a daughter's birthday.
It's been five months now since an angel lost her wings.
In an illness that a young body can't conquer.
Nights and days, weeks and months...
She fights the light to remain on sight.
Too many times that her heartbeats get weak.
Life support is the only thing that's left.
To suspend the day of a coming death,
And fade the little hope they all seek.
Moving so fast she saw the open door,
Doctors and nurses are reviving a soul.
Breathless and fainted little one,
Is now waving a hand of good-bye.
Tears fell like a river from her eyes.
The entire room gets darker as she arrived.
The clouds turned gray that afternoon.
The heaven cries for a lost of angel's soul.
written : 4/21/2014
entry for: Dr. Ram Mehta's Darkness at Noon Poetry Contest
*1st Place Winner
Sad girl rising
Let me tell you about this girl I know
My cousin, this girl be
Her life has been so very sad
But how wonderful is she
She was a wild child, till she married
And had her first born child
When she found out that his brain was damaged
It really drove her wild.
She took the Doctor through the courts
Then fought for ten long years
To get the money she deserved
And she cried so many tears
She gained a million pound at last
To help her with the lad
And yet the damage it was done
And it really drove her mad.
Her and her hubby cared for he
And gave their lives to him
It was a twenty four, seven job
But at times it got real grim
She would do just anything
To make his life more sweet
But when she got that Parkinson’s
She was close on to defeat
But no, she struggled with the odds
And though it’s ten years on
Never does this girl give up
When all her hope seems gone
She smiles, and carries on with courage
Like I’ve never seen before
She’s something kind of wonderful
She’s a hero, that’s for sure.
30 July 2o13 @ 1043hrs.
Little baby dont cry you will be sung a lullaby
little baby dont worry forever in my dreams i hold you
little baby dont be afraid for the angels will lead the way
little baby dont be shy for together you will reach the sky
little baby just be calm for they will never harm
little baby sleep peacefully for you will always have my heart
little baby the angels will protect you
little baby i will never forget you...
The Apple PASTURE
Oh how I long
To drift into the apple pasture.
Were once was and all well meet.
A pure and dear site.
Where silver reflection cover the still waters that holds the golden
grains of morality and the grazing souls lie young amounce no stars.
Oh how I long
To drift into the apple pasture
Were winds smell of melon and the trees whisper spring corals in the mellow dark and best of light and time creeps into no tomorrow.
What If… Christmas Never Came???
What if Christmas never happened?
What if Christmas never came?
Things around here would be different!
It wouldn’t be the same!
What if the baby Jesus was
never born in a manger?
Mankind would be in serious trouble!
We’d all be in danger!
If the baby Jesus wasn’t born.
There would be no nativity.
We wouldn’t be able to display
this during our “festivity.”
It’s almost like this now!
It’s an “ever increasing business.”
It seems like nearly everyone wants
“Christ out of Christmas!”
Why does it seem like Christmas is
losing it’s true meaning?
The very words; “Merry Christmas,”
seem to be quickly disappearing!
Many say; “Happy Holiday.”
They worry they may “offend.”
Having a “holiday” without Christ….
We need to put Jesus Christ back into
our CHRISTmas season!
He is what Christmas is about!
HE is the very reason!
May we all take some time to
rejoice in our savior’s birth.
May there be shouts of JOY!
From the corners of the earth!
Let’s not take Christ out
of our joyous celebration!
We need him so much right now!
All over this great nation!
May we bring to him a heart of love
for everything he’s done.
As we bring honor to Christ.
God’s precious son!
May we continually offer to him
a heart filled with praise!
Not only at Christmas time…
But all of our days!
By Jim Pemberton 12/05/11
That little linen doll from December
She gave me with her heart, I remembered.
By her tiny hands thus not as perfect
But ‘twas a memory I couldn’t neglect.
My little baby really tried her best,
I saw her stitching at night without rest.
And when that needle jabbed her soft, white skin,
She’d be strong, hid her tears with a large grin.
Then that day had come, her doll was finish
December twenty-fifth, I would not wish,
The Lord took her away, out on the street.
Just a young child, her youth’s still incomplete.
As we pull her out from the twisted wreck
Wrapped in her arms, something I wouldn’t expect.
There held in tight, her little linen doll...
The picture was so vast, I must recall.
I will never forget, that fateful night,
When the angels sang to the blinding light
But she is gone, what’s the use of regrets?
What was left will always be in my chest.
Our memories and times we were together,
Sewn in her doll, sealed by her endeavor.
Though the doll and my baby have come to past,
They remain in my heart, forever to last.
There was a baby happy and free
The apple of the eye of his family
Playing around and hiding in the trees
Whoever thought it’s his last smile they see
Through the darkness of the jungle came
Man-devils whose creation God is to blame
Cut the kid down with lethal shots
His body ripped like a shattered earthen pot
I was the one who led those men
Swooping down from our mountain den
Snuffing out the little flame of his life
My mind, since then, is full of strife
The mother came with her eyes in tears
The sight sent my body into shivers
The boy in her arms looked full of life
The hole in his heart told me it was a lie
The mother laid the baby on my lap and cried
Is this my baby, the one who died?
You’re the one who killed him, you devil in disguise
May Gods curse you, may heavens you despise
Lord! Why did I make this grave mistake?
Why was it this kid whose life I had to take?
Why did I take a life when I cannot give?
Do I have anymore right to live?
I cried tears of guilt and pain
And gave the grieving mother my gun
I told her relieve me of my misery
Kill me before I kill again
The mother said with a sad smile on her face
You have sinned and punishment you must face
But killing you would only set you free
And I will be the culprit to your family
You will suffer everyday of your life
You will bleed lots more than my little child
You will burn in the self hating fire of hell
You will die everyday and live to tell
That day on I’ve cried a million tears
Hating myself for all these years
There’s nothing I can do to escape this hell
I feel I am falling into an endless well
God! I cannot ask for forgiveness please
I cannot ask for salvation
All I ask for is to set me free
From this dreary life full of misery
Your belly has grown so big, the glow on your face is priceless, your hair so vibrant, I love the smile on your face when you feel your little one kicking, I love it when you crave weird foods, everything is going well, you are 8 months now, you look like you are going to pop, your feet swell, your in the bathroom more than the toilet bowel is, you can not wait for this to be over, your almost 9 months now you feel a wetness on your chair, it is time, you rush, you prepare, but you never seem to have everything, your at the hospital, your about 3 centimeters dilated, there is still some time to go, your patient, you waited this long, your 7 centimeters, 8, and 9, you hope it is almost time, you feel like you want to push, you push, and push, you hear the baby cry, you believe that things are okay, because that is what you were told, so it is time to say goodbye, you are tired and need some sleep, you hold your baby for some time, you pass him to the nurse, she sings him a lullaby, you fall asleep, your sleep was dreamless, but you are now awaken in a nightmare that will never end, your baby is in a forever sleep, but how could this end, it just all began, you do not know what happen, you heard his cry, you touched him, he opened his eyes, so why is he gone, from this day you will forever be changed, you held your true love tight before the nurse took him away, you blamed yourself, you question your actions, but it was not your fault, this just sometimes happens, you try to move on with your life, but that becomes difficult, you smile but you are frowning inside, you try to make things right, you try to hide your pain, but everyday you live in sorrow, I know that you are not perfect, but you need to look forward to tomorrow, you can not change what happened, you carried a little angel for 9 months long, then God took him so fast, maybe he has special plans for him, in heaven he is having a blast, even though you do not have him with you, I know that he loves you so, because I saw the way he looked at you, this is something that I know, you are the best mom in the world, I am so glad that he atleast got to meet you, it is not easy to carry on like you do, with the positive attitude that you show, I know one thing for sure, your the strongest mom I know.
If I could have seen how dear yo would have been.
Then, perhaps I would not have done it.
If I could have known what joy you would bring.
Then, perhaps I would not have done it.
If I had seen you just a little.
Then, perhaps I would not have done it.
Had I felt you moving inside.
Then, perhaps I would not have done it.
If all that happened was made known to me, then perhaps
I would not have done it, for You would be with me.