The days seem to go by so fast. there is a void in the air, the birds have lost their vibrant beat, the ocean has lost its luster, the soil feels solid and dry.
My soul feels as if it has left my body before my death, my dreams haunt my day, the tears stain my steps, my doctor says that it is depression, I say that it is reality, I am intoxicated by society,I am numb by perscriptions.
Why do I feel so isolated within myself? is there no one in my painfully tight shoes? can anyone understand my pain? can anyone melt in my sorrows? why am I this way? why is the world so cruel? why can't I be normal?
Wait! I am normal, what am I saying, I know now, the veil has been lifted, humanity is my enemy, the sins that drip from their sweat, the dread that follows their shadows, their souls of black, their intentions of greed pull a shade across their eyes.
They are destined for doom, they will not be saved, they will not find salvation, they belittle me, they curse me, they shame me, but they are right about one thing, I am different, unlike them, I will be saved in the last days.
Snow falls around us
as we hug for the last time
Niether of us let go
Our first Christmas apart
since you met my parents
I feel as if holding on forever
could possibly prevent the end
As I look into your eyes
You brush a tear from my cheek
"I'll always love you," you say to me
As we kiss for the final time
I remember all the time spent talking when we met
Knowing you was enough back then
I never thought I would lose you
We finally let go
You brush back my hair and said not to cry
As you walked to your mom's car
it felt as if I died inside
You climbed in and closed the door
and we waved our final goodbye
Alone, face to face, regrets capture me
And all along your constant complain
and your heart's in the right side
and long before my despair closed the lock
you let her go — and lone she slowly went.
How to know then what, now, no one wonders
Now, that snow glows drowning shadows of hope
following down our own path of sown rows
with the wind blowing hard against our vows
and the wrong worries of yellow dreams
Your frown, my frowzy mood, throwing up hands
callow youth with words for crown, a worn out bow
A show off that mowed down in slow motion
and you still crow in front of the crowd
and in a low voice I flow through remorse
to lower myself and to grow you up
to plow under by doubts your tricks of clown
to throw down the drain my many years' growth
of hollowness, sorrow ... my drowsy world
With no flowers and no windows, who won?
How to know then she was the only one?
How to know then when lone she slowly went?
How to know now if it's too late?
— Don't cry, I know it's late —
yrros mi ... me too ... me too
I’m pouring my heart all over your soul,
But nothing can come without a toll,
My emotions are being torn to shreds,
Like a needle tearing through the threads,
But in the end no walls will fall,
In fact they’ll be standing tall,
Only to one with such a fate,
Your lies have arrived a little too late,
For in the end when the walls wont fall,
Your lies will surely get hanged in the hall.
This doesn't belong to me
here you can have it back
i held it now for almost seven years
its getting heavy
you can take it anytime
i don't want to hold this anymore
why cant you take it
it doesn't fit
and it doesn't belong
it tears me apart
the struggle goes on
go ahead and cry
i can hold onto that to
just drop it in and go right through
i'm just a stop
a shoulder to need
and you can go on lifting away free
i'm slowly falling
i'm tipping from side to side
i'm not quite stable
but i'm only here for the ride
i'm not going to take charge
i'm not going to sit
and stare out my window of regret
my window is clear
clear as glass
and gets bigger with everyday we pass
its making me sad
tears run down my eyes
i cant let it go
that's no surprise
i tell you what i tell you
and hear what i hear
but what about everything inside
everything i fear
i got that to
right beside the picture of me and you
i know this is crazy
and i know i am to
but what about my secrecy
i have to follow through
~FALLING, without winter wings~
My mind sometimes goes there, somewhere, nowhere,
amongst the shooting shining stars, floating like in a womb, yet not afraid,
free falling flakes, weightless – wondering why, where
from the highest branch I lost my grip gasping, grasping
and tumbling hopelessly DOWN AND DOWN DEEP… into the unknown
DOWN AND DOWN DEEP, I allowed myself to fall like a raindrop,
landing a little like winter, holding my breath, above the mountaintop,
a tremble brought about by the breeze, losing myself completely,
Wandering in welters of wasted words, into the fire of all my torrid tears,
I slip into despair into the cold, a chilling fall, after LETTING GO…
LETTING GO was the hard part, the horrid heartbreak, it always will be.
We had climbed so high, so high we had to come down
and as we stumbled we slipped we slid, slowly away from one another
because we had lost ourselves, our own identities.
My journey now must be to like -- LOVE MYSELF AGAIN.
LOVE MYSELF AGAIN, a never-ending task.
Holding on to what was and always will be a falling star.
Wishing, the wind would lift us up and put us back were we belong.
Sinking, dipping, dropping, and drowning with the sea,
A path I seek when I find myself losing grip of reality.
A destructive dance indeed,
betwixt the two we bleed.
A bellowing, bloody abate,
this stale, seductive state.
Simple, senseless steeds,
jealous fires feed.
Perjuring petty plights,
demons do delight.
A crimson, cheaters chair,
awful angers air.
No trust, truth or taste,
wallowed wantons waste.
Envious, eager eyes,
rejoicing a wrathful rise.
Coveting, careless couth,
yesteryear's eager youth.
My love I can not find you anywhere,
I feel like I lost my soul somewhere,
because you are my soulmate,
and us being apart can not be fate.
You did not leave because you wanted to,
It just was just something you had to do.
I was not right, All I wanted to do was fight,
and knowing you was the love of my life,
yet I would not make you my wife.
I know that's what you really wanted
and now I am feeling haunted,
by the things I should have done,
and you being the only one
I ever loved and will love forever, if it was'nt for me we will still be together.
But you are gone
and I can not go on,
so I must say good-bye, I'm leaving myself to die.
Your pleasant presence is
like sweet insence
Beautifully blessing my
nostrils in the present
Your sexyness switches
on and off my sexual
Beautifully balancing my
grains in all seasons
My love for you weighs
more than the entire Blue
My heart hamms more "I
love you hyms" with 10-
Oh my memories die hard
My brain bears faithfully
Please my dear dearest,
come back home
I'm lost without you
I'm yeaning to see you
I feel forsaken, and on my
None, nothing, no energy
left within me
I'm deeply drawning in
my own lake of tears
No mere strength is left
I'm writing my last
chapter, closing my life
journal till thy soft palms
return to wipe away my
seeps from swollen eyes,
and severed sobs
stab into the surrounding
I'm suffocating in a sea
struggling to stay
afloat but I'm
Somebody save me
before it swallows
Faces; one now two,
Unknown to known,
Some turn away; shys'.
Shy away from flight,
One open now two,
Black view then white,
Mind takes off; flew.
Up Up- Far away,
Shaken to death; damn,
Your head down to lay,
Like a precious lamb.
So Real; Once Knew,
But no known sense,
An emotion unknown;new,
Friction feeling dense.
Glance then gone,
Gone then back,
A prayer to be,
One touch to lack.
The pieces rise;grew,
To save a soul,
Parts out one by two,
Push over now roll.
And Dont Give Up Till ITS YOUR TURN to go.
Corpulent cottagers clapping like clowns
a fat Friday festival, gobblers and gowns.
Merry mad munchers of muffins and mirth
do-si-do dumbly, eaters of earth.
Champagne sugar shoved in a shoe
If love lasts not long, love handles will do.
< Banana ~ boat ~ Bob ~ is ~ a ~ slippery..... Boob
Thought ~ that ~ this ~ town ~ lost ~ it's .... groove
No ~ spice ~ no ~ life ~ no .... nothing
Little ~ lost ~ boy ~ now ~ looks ~ for ~ his ~ Lucy's .... ring
When ~ where ~ what ~ or ~ even ...... why
I'll ~ inquire ~ insist ~ innovate ~ or ~ even ..... lie
His ~ history ~ of ~ having ~ such ~ big ....... hamstrings
Maybe ~ even ~ mighty ~ magical ~ musical ~ fruits ~ and .... greens
Or ~ having ~ big ~ over-sized ~ onions ~ olives ~ and ..... Kiwi
screw ~ this ~ he's ~ scum ~ skewered ~ tossed ~ back ~ to ... sea
Poor ~ precious ~ pretty ~ Lucy ~ got ....... pranked
Cause ~ curious ~ Bob ~ couldn't ~ control ~ love ~ so ~ he .... sank
All ~ alone ~ and ~ now ~ very .... angry
Drowing ~ deep ~ in ~ own ~ do-do ~ droppings .... whopie
Luscious ~ Lucy ~ now ~ can ~ look ~ long ~ and ...... hard
For ~ another ~ fast ~ floating ~ free ~ salemens ~ not ~ selling.... lard
Luscious Love Lingers Contest
Bound by blame, broken by blight,
Scarred by a stolen satire,
nuzzling necrophiliacs within the night.
Tangled in torment, tied untamed,
blemished by the blasphemy,
of never speaking your name.
Shackled in sin, shredded sovereignty,
dealing death’s doses,
murdering you and me.
Cuffed with candor, calling our crimes,
to an impetuous enslavement,
tortured through time.
Set me free, to flee this fool’s game,
where we're always left wandering,
in this wasteland of shame.
They were once together
She was seed
He was water
She was bulb
He was electricity
The cold day one day decided
To separate them away
A heartless prove they both
Had to take
And in the end
They were never
Each others grace.
We sometimes drink and smoke so much We get beat until we are battered
Our dreams were like one giant wall of glass where upon they were destined to be shattered
Broken in a heap of glass we now stay occupied where lost souls continue to gather
Dark yet so desolate living amongst those were nothing in life but a quick death seems to matter
It seems as if the harder we try the more below we get needing somekind of ladder
All I hear are silent screams among gossiping chit chatter
Our truth is getting skinnier while our lies are well fed by the way the are getting fatter
Crying souls overcome those that are filled with laughter
The clock for many of us gets slow but our life train to death only gets faster
Many of us which remain lost in addiction looking for a positive leader, a mentor, some kind of master
But when shyt hits the fan we must remain strong even if we just lost someone close and are feeling sadder
If life is to throw us those curveballs in a the ring then its time stop mr nice guy and get badder
You must endure the shyt that you got to endure even if it gets your hands and feet a little tathered
Life can and will get you drunk so handle your drink or let it bring you down until you can no longer stagger
You must tell yourself **** them and everybody else because you still got skill even if you aint got swagger
Just tell yourself "**** they judgements" because you know in your own eyes you still look sharper than a dagger
SO QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU AINT NEVER BEEN MENTALLY BEAT UNTIL YOUR PERSONALITY WAS BATTERED.....BECUASE IT WHAT YOU MAKE IT IN THE END THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!
my feet punch the dull, rugged pavent as i slink down the cool quiet night with only the harsh stale lamp to highlight my way ahead a presence is felt as the hairs on the back of my neck come to a stand my heart unconsciously increases in speed my eyes dart from shadow to shadow as the darkness flies around me, mocking my every move my pace quickens as i attempt to escape the nightmare, they are chasing me now snatching at me with there thick claws ive been forced to a sprint they drew closer i can feel the cool of there pace against my back as i lurch forward out of there reach ahead is a never ending blanket of silent blackness i close my eyes and stop dead in my tracks as the darkness engulfs my life the suffering has ended
As but only one young lost man in a great land I sometimes don’t want to see what I see in life but death causes me to look. I don’t want to hear the things I hear but have to admit the things here that I’ve heard. I don’t want to be guilty today it’s why I continue to strive past my past for innocence in the near future. I don’t want to feel what I feel but after another day in this dark place has gone by I can’t hide what I have painfully felt. As but one young man I wonder why I question others motives and still can’t see the answers to my own as if I know all the answers to life when I don’t even know the true cause of my own. I wonder why I am happier at times but more often than not why I continue to be sad. I look for ones in groups of twos and get lost in groups of threes, but don’t get even me started on the groups of fours. On the outside world I am lost yet inside myself I know I am found, I holler silently at night while I quietly pray during the day. As but only one young man I can only do what is best for self-first if I want to start making a difference for two.
Sometimes life for one can be fun, but on the reservation more often than not it is boring and dull. On the reservation I found serenity and solitude in the hills but I also found old savages and young Satan’s in the towns. I see beauty and peace in Mother Nature but I also found violence and ugliness among my very own in the neighborhood. I see not what I see and I think not what I think for I feel what I see which leads me to think. I choose rather to just be rather than not be what other people want me to be. I see what I see because I haven’t really got a choice in what I will see, I’d rather choose to just say that I saw. Outside people can’t make one see what I already choose not to see for I see what I see rather if they want me to see things their way or not. I can’t feel what they feel unless they feel what I feel and live where I live and be where I am to know where I truly am from to understand the thoughts and feelings of not only a young native of struggle, but as a person worldwide no matter the skin color.
They say Im a lover but I know I can also be a fighter/
Im living in darkness today knowing tomorrow ain't going to get any brighter/
Im so heavy in the pain I don't know when *****in life is going to get any lighter/
My *****in life is all crooked and loose I don't think it's going to get any straighter or tighter/
I just need to be useful and not happy is what I lost sight of/
Im a matchbook making matches light up because without me there ain't no striker/
Im just a lost poet trying to find deep within this hard head as a true Writer.....
When She Came, I Lost My Innocence
From my red honed carpet
I determine to play innocent
Never touched a fly
A tender contender
When you see her, I rehearse
Focus. Calm and calm
Claim your innocence
And point the point
But when she came
I blushed, bowed, kowtowed
Looked away, gave away
My innocence, and she knew it
Could not hold it
Guilty. Oh Boy.
Go away. Freedom comes
I live in a place striving for sobriety surrounded in alcohol looking for happiness trapped among our very own sadness. I hear my people’s laughs and I hear my people’s cries, but most of all I see their dreams because their dreams are my dreams because we remain not against each other today as enemies but hidden friends united through culture, language and blood. I laugh with my people and of course I cry with my people and I fight with my people but most of all I continue to dream with my people. I know who I am and where I am from to know where I been to still hope to where I am going to go. I feel darkness engulf not only myself but also almost my entire reservation’s race, no matter mixed or not because soon our culture and language will have no face without any more light to shine upon it. I know where I lived and still live to know if I will truly go where I truly want to go in life before I have my one walk with death. I know by a long shot that I am not the best but by a close hit on the reservation’s target I could be better.
I take a stand against self to stand against others to better a worsening crowd of many young lost indigenous souls waiting to be unknowingly found and waiting for something similar to what I’m about to write. I take a stand for self so that others know that we aren’t all lost and we can and will be found with the true hope of no one’s but your own. I take a stand because my brothers and sisters wont, I take a stand because now days most the people around me or within me can’t or don’t know how, I take a stand for the children who don’t have a father and mother as I once had, I take a stand for my unborn child almost here, I take a stand for courage because within me is filled with fear, I take a stand against because the alcohol and drugs within me now I just can’t stand, I take a stand for those around me who cannot stand, I take a stand for a culture dying on its knee’s trying to get back up, I take a stand for the forsaken yet to be forgiven self-stand.
I patiently wait, lying away in the darkness searching for light even though I can see the light I just don’t know how to get on thy path to the light. I am not alone, I know for a fact that I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings about life on earth here. I can see our pain, I can hear the hollers and screams, I can feel your anguish and I can smell our destruction. I walk through the reservation valley of darkness as if I am but a blind witness to our own destruction upon where many of us go unknown truly forever in depths of time, in the depths of death.
I know that I cannot give in or give up on a dream of a people’s dream where the buffalo in our young hearts and minds may roam around free and where the wolf warrior chief may rise above all odds and become thy greatest modern day warrior, the people seek him, the people crave him, the people need him, the people need someone to rise if not geographically the worldwide mentally.
July's jealousy justified your jilting,
Yet love's luminescence lingers long.
Wrapped in refulgent reminiscence;
Recollecting summer's soothing solace
Under scrutiny of somniferous stars.
the text i sent i love you sweetheart seems as just another failed attempt at opening her eyes to the ways of her actions altered her ways aren't as full as they were not as joyous or emotional but rather quiet, bleak, and sad using the pen for release instead of the blade is beginning to not be quiet as satisfying why cant i have her back why is this new person filling her shoes i don't want her i want my life back! give her to me! i need her! but it appears she is no longer here... never to be seen again for her physical self is alive and well but her MIND now that's different her mental state has changed died and come back as something else i cant find her i don't know where she is why cant i find her?! come back! please! please come back for i"am anything but found without you... please come back..
A soul in flames daunting the discordant canvas, eradicating the supreme veil. To be
drenched in apathy coincides inversely with the stench of a bitter legacy. Severed
souls search asunder for a subversive scent, only to be oppressed in an overt art.
Begging death for a drenching darkness to obliterate this dire desolation. Complete
in nocturne this grotesque being of infinite hate commands coercively.
I once had a love
Who was most beautiful to me.
I even went as far
As to call her Aphrodite.
Because she was the one
From which I learned to care.
I loved her deeply back then,
But now she is no longer there.
Though I still have much to learn,
Since I am a mortal man,
She showed me I can do anything
If I truly believe I can.
Just like ancient Greeks of old,
My Aphrodite made me feel like a Hero,
And, just like Hercules, she told
Me, I am no longer a Zero.
I am grateful to have asked
Her to be with me.
And now that she is back in the Heavens,
She is now truly my Aphrodite.
Numbness wraps itself around my beating internal organ, blood thickens to a high viscoscious pulp, lungs choke up, air becomes a luxury, I am brought to my knees with a sickening thud I fall to my side defeated I let out a last gasp for air the world turns upside down I see darkness I feel my thoughts quieting my body motionless on the cold, Grey pavement I admire its cracks running along itself and thank it for allowing it to me by resting place i feel the light within me dimming and all is silent at last
Burning, burning, the breath of the beast
Beating, beating, the heart of the beloved
The beast beset a black-hearted betrayal
Bestowed by the beast upon the beloved
The bellowing, unbelieved by the beloved
Boundaries bitten, bonds broken
Becoming a beast, to the beloved
Empty rooms-filled with things-
Empty vases-empty jars
Cupboards that are bare-
Corridors-in my mind-
Long and narrow-alone I stare-
Vacant land -
You once – were there!
Heartbreak’s hollow hold has hardened.
Piercing past pools pain has pardoned.
Dying dreams drift on dire descents.
Lost in the loneliness, languid love’s lament.
Sullen Sylvia sadly
Departed deeply devestated by
Her husband's heartless
Departure for a deadly damsel