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Age Humorous Poems | Age Poems About Humorous

These Age Humorous poems are examples of Age poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Age Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

Heavenly bliss

Heavenly bliss

Shawn and Shauna fell deeply in love
And were on their way to be wed
When a car, on that day, took their lives straight away
As both of their bodies, lie dead

But their spirits were both drawn to heaven
As they stood, in front of the gates
Saint Peter was there, at the top of the stairs
When Shawn hollered loudly  “Just Wait"

Now Peter looked puzzled, at Shawn
And said "This is no time to tarry "
Shawn spoke again, and refused to go in
Without being properly married

Saint Peter replied very softly 
"We don't do that kind of thing here
But if you're willing to wait, 
“I’ll see if I can, get it cleared”

Three months went by, while they waited
Saint Peter, show up with a Priest
"I know it was slow, But I want you to know
You’ll be married Forever at least"

As the wedding was getting started
Shawn asked a question, with doubt
What happens here in heaven  
“If this marriage just doesn’t work out”

A silent filled up the heavens
Saint Peter, was shaking his head
And once he regained his composure
This is what Saint Peter said
“It took Three Months to find a Priest
In this Heavenly Foyer
How long do you think, I’ll take for me
Up here, to find you a Lawyer ?”

Details | Rhyme | |


Many years ago, when we were all young,
We really thought life, would be so much fun.
While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
“Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
That’s something I swore, I would never do.

Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
That is how little, we all had known,
We surely found out, once we were grown.

Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
Watch what you wish for, my parents had said.
We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
I guess they were right, what more can I say?

Raising your children, was hardest of all,
Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
So now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor.
Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
You searched here and there, and under the bed,
“Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
You are retired; your work is all done.
To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
They never show up, you have the wrong date.

Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
If only you could, remember their names.
You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
Gravity happens, and everything sags.

Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
All the steps you took, led down a new path.
Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
One thing is for sure, everyone will age.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Perils of Getting Old

I’m getting older - this fact I cannot deny
Not quite ready for the scrap heap or to give up life and die
My body isn’t quite the same; my boobies have gone south
But I keep on smiling with gleaming dentures in my mouth 

Got a spare tyre round my middle now, I really need berating
Get a bit more exercise - soon the tyre will be deflating
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday

I rely on Tena ladies now in case I dribble pee
Sneezing, coughing and laughing can cause a little wee
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday

I have three pairs of glasses now my eyesight isn’t good
I forget where I have put them – getting old is not so good
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday

My hearing is it is going too I don’t hear what you say
I need to buy a hearing aid but I’m putting off that day
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday

My once brown hair is going grey and now I’ve hit the dye
I colour it quite regularly you can guess the reason why
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday

My joints creak and ache and they really need a rub
I must buy some more Radox and put it in my tub
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say
I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday

Jan Allison
21st March 2014

Written from observation and experience … but I’m not admitting to anything!!!
~ Please read notes above about this poem ~
~ Submitted to Kerry Deschler's 'Women Only' competition ~
NB: UK Spelling of TYRE has been used
        ~4th place in the contest ~

Details | Rhyme | |

Lets All Embrace Big Boobs

She's quite a busty lady, this fact cannot be denied
Tried to cover them up for years, her boobs shes tried to hide
But with a new found confidence all this is in the past
Shes got a brand new wardrobe gonna show em off at last
Ladies embrace your curves and  lets take the ogling men down a notch
If they stare at your assets - smile sweetly and stare intently at their crotch!

Jan Allison
4th May 2014

Details | I do not know? | |

A 'c' change

If you should search for knowledge 
To answer the riddle of your self

All the books found on every library shelf
Might not relieve your puzzle a smidge

Because ‘h’ is the difference of self from shelf
Search within and you’ll see without eyes.

Things happen in a test tube
That we can easily observe and explain

But anywhere outside of it
It’s not quite the same

That’s because it’s out in the open
Where there’s less control and closure.

Some advise taking only two steps 
Once into and once out of water 

Supposedly while you’re watching 
Perpendicular to a flowing stream

So firstly you get your feet wet
And then you get them dry.

Or you take the opposite length
Over the adjacent length

Then every measured distance
Makes each tangent different 

But if trigonometry was used at Pisa
That’s not why the place is famous.

So if a princess was in a tower
And let’s assume she was a prisoner 

At least she should have a window
Because horizons offer a fine view

Then the next time the witch calls her
Rupunzel throws down her chair.

Details | Dramatic monologue | |

Where The Grass Is Turning Brown In Spots I Buried My Memories

List of things to do before

I fall in love again
I allow my mind to take me
Into the
A wild opened fields
where the grass is turning brown in spots
There’s one
 Wild flower
Dozens of
Scattered pebbles,
Under my feet
Taunted memories,
Bare trees with bend trunks
A cool breeze washes my face
No more umbrella tree
To relief me from
Ray of the sun
I squint from the sun in my eyes
Think of the ghost in my past
Or to deal with the
Ray of the sun
Lists of things to do before
I fall I love again
Buried the pain
Low the drawbridge
Keep the enemy out
I want to be happier 
Than I‘ve ever been
Fall in love again
I buried
 Painful memories
Under the bare umbrella trees

Details | Limerick | |

You can't have one without the other

The concept of gays in a marriage
One side loves and one will disparage
But rule supreme court
And one side must retort
Justice just had a miscarriage

Author's note:  Regardless of the outcome from the supreme court, I happen to favor gay marriage.  There really is no other conclusion since we are a land of equal rights.  We should do all we can to foster a society without discrimination.  The arguments against these rights reveal a lot about certain people of religious persuasion.  It would be comical if it were not so sad.

Details | Rhyme | |

Fake Words

Fake Words – Zamreen Zarook

God have given us mouth,
Not to speak to north and south,
Tongue is given under an oath,
So it’s our duty to protect them both.

Girls chat fake with boys,
Having a notion that the boys are toys,
They often make varied noise,
Thinking to keep a trap on handsome guys.

Boys are also human being,
So it’s not possible being clean,
Things varies in the way they are seen,
So positive thinking will make you keen.

Boys’ minds are pure,
As it is pure bio,
So don’t try to pour vino,
Which will take decades to get cure.

Details | Prose | |

Xylond Doid - Apprentice Demon

Xylond Doid was an apprentice demon sent to earth by old Beelzebub himself
to kill the supreme leader of the planet and thereby creating worldwide chaos,
thus assuring Xylond Doid of earning his much coveted horns.
A demon without horns in Hades is the lowest scum of all,
and Hell is inhabited by nothing but scumbuckets of the first order.
I know that most people think that Hell is nearby, but in reality it is a faraway place.
Xylond Doid never was a real pro at navigation, so instead of landing in Geneva,
Switzerland and storming the United Nations Headquarters to confront
the supreme leader, he landed in Crossbow County, West Virginia instead.
He went into Bo Jinx’s Bait and Tackle Shop and demanded to be taken to the leader.
Bo, being the accommodating soul that he is, walked Xylond Doid over to Sheriff
Deke Fisher’s office, which was just a couple of blocks from Bo’s place of business.
The scummy little demon told Deke that he was sent by Satan
to annihilate the leader. Deke told him that he was a day late and a dollar short,
for Crossbow County’s Commission President Edgar Farnsworthy
had died three days before, after serving over fifty seven years in that office.
The sheriff informed Xylond Doid that as the sheriff of the county,
it was his sworn duty to appoint an interim president
until an officially sanctioned election could be set up to choose
a permanent successor to take the worthless old hack's place.
Deke had yet to find a single soul who wanted the job,
it would take too many hours away from their hunting, fishing
and drinking times to make it a worthwhile proposition.
Sheriff  Fisher told Xylond Doid that he was plenty ugly enough
to be a professional politician and offered him the position.
Xylond Doid took him up on his offer and still resides there to this very day.

Details | Acrostic | |


Sense of humour, elevating our spirits
Musing over the simple things in life, rejoicing at what we find
Imagination stimulated, childlike, seeing the wonders in life
Light heartedness, laughing at one’s self!
Everything as it is meant to be, smiling, enjoying, the gift of life

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |



When Causticat expressenced her doverse,
Aficionadog  Yamahawker howled
the beseechickens' song that coyoterse
was chickencouraging allegrettold.

Chickenclopedia somehow pignored
the roosterrestrials' dancing chickentreat
Aficionadog's dance was abroadored
and his cathletics multilevelite.

The roosterrestrials thus, barracudanced
Galas! the maidenchanted Causticat
wide eyed she balladmired the saladvanced
and chickenable braves to broadenact.

Aficionadog's triple Axle loop
combined with Ballu Tundu workbenchasse
Romanaged to lexiconvince the coop,
and libidog of self Igniting Cats.

The Vibradog  Mandelbrotating chanced
and buffalone friskated on the ice
cattractive Causticat and him codanced
with Yahahawker to acrobatice.

© G. V. 09-10-2013 All rights reserved
(Iambic pentameter)

Details | Rhyme | |

Dear Michelle

You almost had me,
I wanted you,
The way you stuck to me like super glue,
I was feeling you,
But I knew,
I could never have you,
But, the way you looked at me,
The way my body pleads,
We can never be,
Because I’m too old,
And your only thirteen.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Right Thing to Do

Written 7 March 2014

Bruce and Jennie, both were 10,
Had been playmates all their lives.
One day, Bruce proclaimed,
“Jennie… most good men have wives.”

He professed his love for her.
Jennie said she loved him too.
They decided that getting married
Was ‘the right thing’  to do.

So, Bruce went to speak to her father,
Who was doing yard work at the time.
“May I speak to you, Mr. Johnson?”
“Sure, Bruce. What’s on your mind?”

“Sir, I love your Jennie;
And Jennie, she loves me;
But we need your permission
To be married… to be “We.”

Impressed by Bruce’s courage,
He knew this confrontation must be tough.
He smiled and asked, “Bruce, are you sure
You love my daughter enough?”

Bruce’s face became stern, he said,
“Mr. Johnson, let me tell you…
I love Jennie so much…and she loves me.
We’re both sure it’s the right thing to do.”

He was moved by Bruce’s ardor,
But permission was not his to give.
So, quick as flash, he responded,
“But Bruce…where will you live?” 

“Sir, I measured her room;
Then I measured mine.
Hers is 40 percent bigger.
We’ll live there.  We’ll be fine.

If we have extra stuff,
We’ll keep that in my room.
We’ll keep our places neat and tidy.
You won’t even need a broom.

And both our parents can save money 
On babysitters too.
Even if you do things on the same night,
You’ll only need one sitter, not two.”

Mr. Johnson was impressed with his logic,
But this marriage idea was no longer funny.
He smiled and said, “That’s good thinking, Bruce;
But what are you gonna do for money?

“Why, Mr. Johnson, I get twelve-fifty a week allowance;
And let me remind you, Jennie also gets ten.
Throw in our birthdays and Christmas cash….
Why, we might even have money to lend.”

Desperate now, he thought, 
“Next, I guess they’ll want a car.”
Then he asked, “But Bruce, what if you have kids?”
"Aawww," blushed Bruce... “We’ve been lucky so far.”

Details | Concrete | |

The Rising Red sun

                       Inspirational poem.. Rising Golden red sun all its way..dedicated to all 
                               of you  guys..wrote by Mrs.Madhavi.Suyog.Pagare

                                          The Rising Red sun

As like the charming moon and  luminous star fades away.
It promises to send the dynamite sun shining in the sky.
Due to which oceano pearl glitters all the day.
Praying god for the happiness in all our way.

The morning sagas made me understand, Me and my vivacious life.
But When I look back and pick up the souvenir of my childhood. Its just nostalgic. Feel like to go back to the teenage. The sustained pain is the only option left that I can’t get those days of my innocence back.
All I could make up my mind and just say, move on. Just move on.

Ray of hope chimed my heart.
Because god gifted me Something and added in my cart.
Provided me and my sincerity towards work can’t depart.
From the very day uplifted to give a quick start.

The moment I realized the magnetising power of the sun.
Felt trust on it and renovated my life again by attenuating my pains.
Rest all I expect peace my thee.
Left with the ray of hope. Bless us  MY god, My lord !!!!!

Wrote by:

Details | Couplet | |

Your lips

Close-clenched lips 
stop tongues' slips.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Rhyme | |

The Happy Dress

It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative 
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.

So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened.  “Ta Da!  Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked?  Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.

You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.

It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”

“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.

So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.

She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open.  “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”


“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.

Details | Couplet | |

Log Cabin Sex Life

I can’t help but wonder, about the blunder, of building a one room log cabin,
Where man and wife, lived a private life, ‘til kids became real, not imagined

With no partitions, or new additions, you’d think their sex life would run ashore.
But they both knew, how to make it through, by inventing a thing called the chore.

As each kid did sprout, pa had to go out, and think up a new job for the tot.
He soon realized, that for his farm’s size, there were more tots then jobs to be got.

And the matriarch, made the remark, that inside we plum ran out of space.
So they tried to rid, their house of kids, as fast as were made in the first place.

At last the last lad, made a nice lass glad, got married and had a grand party,
But pa had ma’s hind, right on his mind; they arrived at the party, tardy.

Well all went ok, until the sad day, when the old man’s life ran out of time.
And then poor ma, lost her chutzpah, plus the cabin exceeded its prime.

So ma did call, her last son Paul, asked if he knew what she should do then,
He said oh dear, I just moved here, and that we don’t even have a den.

But son relents, and acts the gent, there is space in one nook of our room.
If you feed cows, and all the sows, cause heck ma, I’ve got a new bride groom.

Details | Concrete | |


You are one of the reasons
Why they inflate their quote
If you had seized the seasons
Good men could have had your vote

You are one of the reasons
Why our sweet land has gone sour in waste
Here is one of your multiple treasons
You aid corruption just to suit your taste

You are one of the reasons we wedge weighty wrath
Bombs daily detonate like fickle fireworks far north
You decided to do nothing but shut your mouth
So they took our weary sail south

You are one of the reasons the land is inflicted with rape
Overflowing in abundance yet you mong like a greedy ape
Alas our land is grey and old but not due
And it hurts me to know that I am also you.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Star Trek Rules

Star Trek Rules!

It was time for: Comic Con! Comic Con! Dragon wanted to come, too!
But then so did everyone else at Troll Lake… Hey, now, wouldn’t you?
We made some really cool costumes… for the costume show, my Dear.
You can guess, ‘Star Trek Rules!’ It couldn’t be anything less, you hear. 

Our favorite nighttime popcorn show, would truly now, become a part of our lives! 
The penguins got permission from the zoo; to go… great publicity, so very wise.
McRacoon had his Las Vegas Dragons get us, and a mock saucer, there, all on time.
Naturally pre-registered and in costume, we strutted in! Hi there! Began the playtime!

Man we were really cool, as the guest actors ask for OUR autographs. For Real!
Pictures were snapped, and a poster made, to be signed by everyone, so cheerful.
It’s highest bid, given to charity, would be a nice touch, for everyone in our crew.
The costume show was set outside, where all the dragons, could fly in, or out, too.

And a small mock, star ship was landed on stage, so we could enter with more flare.
Lord a mercy! Look at us! We’d never be like this, again! We were like stars, I swear!
Grandpa Troll, became Mr. Spock, naturally, because he was so, very clever and wise.
Our neighbor witch, was Uhura, due to her great ability to, protect everyone’s’ lives. 

Borp the Frog became Sulu, so he could take us up to Borp speed, with laser effects!
Hubby was Scotty, with the Tinker Trolls in engineering, for special effects, so perfect!
The penguins were the beloved crewmembers, running with lasers, all over the place.
The powder puff tribbles, got wet, so yes, became the ‘Trouble with Dribbles’, in space.

The Mary River Turtles wanted to be Checkov. What a groovy, exciting, security team.
Dragon wanted to be Captain Kirk, you know, like totally, in command… At the scene!
All agreed, I’d be a great Dr. McCoy, since I always get to, kiss the Boo- Boo’s away.
The Weird Frogs were the Aliens, chasing everyone mindlessly, around, the set, that day.

And the Las Vegas Dragons, became attacking star ships, over which our lasers won!
The crowds went wild, and we won first place in their hearts, as well as, in their minds!
Everyone had, such a good time, so the Trek continued, well after, when we got home.
That year Comic Con made the National news, and of course, nobody, was surprised!

As the residents of Troll Lake and Acorn Falls… continue to Trek on… every day!

By Mike and Carol Eastman… 

Details | Rhyme | |

Her Sense of Humor

A slight hint of consternation was in her voice,
“Why did you tell those people I’m deaf and dumb?”
“I never said you were deaf, my Dear.”
She laughed, but I kinda felt like a bum.

Hell.  It was just a joke.

One evening, she asked, “Will you love me if I get chubby?”
I responded, “Of course I still love you.
It would take much more than pounds and cellulite
To make me fall out of love…it’s true.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

“Would you remarry if I die before you?” she asked.
I said, “No…probably not…I’ve been spoiled by you.”
“But you’ve been a great husband. I think you should.”
“Whatever happens, happens is the best I can do.”

“If you remarried, would you play golf with your new wife?
And would you let her use my clubs?” she demanded.  
I calmly smiled and said, “Your clubs are safe.
You see, my Dear…she’s left handed.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

Then, she whined and whined about her butt.
I responded, “Want to knock some inches off that ass?
It may sound strange, but I heard it works….
Rinse all your panties in Slim Fast.”

Hell. It was just a joke.

The next day, I readied for work, took ‘undies’ from my drawer.
They were engulfed in a fog of white, why I didn’t know.
So, I asked, “Honey! Why did you put talcum powder on my shorts?”
She slyly smiled, “That’s not talcum powder.  That’s Miracle Gro.”

Hell.  It was just a joke....I guess.

So, what is my wife’s most endearing feature?
Her sense of humor.... there’s no doubt.
Always a smile where angst or anger might have been,
A smile I never want to be without.

Details | Concrete | |


A poem wrote by me, based on Person who is a deserving icon but still struggling hard with his career life and addressed as disturbed creature.

DISTURBED CREATURE--> Am I ??       BY Mrs.Madhavi Suyog Pagare

Am I so insane, Am I so mad,
Dramatic mood of mine is so die hard.
Destroyed my peace, Shattering my dreams,
People call me as disturbed creature.
As like mounting the pain, attenuating the drain!!

Digesting my feelings lying inside me,
Strangely nobody cared, call me sick.
Teasing me lavishly and my heart is pricked,
Hurted me like hell when addressed me as stupid.
As like showering rain, missing on the lane!!

Time lapse in journey of life,
Can hamper anybody on its path.
When I see innate reflex of mine,
I always use to brightly shine.
Though possessing every job attributes of mine,
I never thought the authorities will ditch and hamper my career line.
Falsely acting bloody swine, making my image as fade as wine.
As like affecting harmonious divine, my soul was, as is transparently pristine!!

Destroying me and testing my patience, Never wanna give up.
Transformed deviations, wanna rightly screw up.
I wanna raise up, I wanna shake up.
I wanna wake up, Tranquilize my mind.
Unzip the professional life compressed by the culprits.
Wanna explore myself, driving the motivated heights of journey.
Lastly waiting for the optimistic opportunity.
Cuffing the suspect ,I wanna rejoice by my pattern of life!! 

with Suyog Pagare

Details | Rhyme | |

The Fool

Naught to say I shan't disparage
A cherub in its stroller
Laugh at married horse-drawn carriage: 
Denounce a Holy-Roller!

Point my fingers in their direction,
And have a hearty chuckle!
In Truth it is my own reflection-
One which leaves me puzzled...

No one should suffer ridicule,
By the words bled from my tongue...
But in the end, I am the Fool
Who should never make the fun!

Details | Clerihew | |

Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin
was a margin
off his rocker when he, ashamedly,
got caught swinging from a tree.

Details | Couplet | |


Meltdown Put chocolate in your pocket on a warm summer day, Then gracefully try to unwrap it and you’ll find there is no way!

Details | Lay | |


In world of mannequins, I step to the cause. I see this woman fussing at her child about wanting to go to the park. How formed is this. Hello Lady and such a beautiful boy he is. He wants to play in the park. However, you do not have time for that. Let me see if I can solve your problem. I am Intelligence. Intelligence is a superhero that forms very delightful scenes. I am humorous as well. With superhuman powers, I provide a child with a dream. I give this one the dream of playing in the park. The child stops crying and obeys his mother. In another episode, I am sent, telepathically, an abusive scene. I transform arriving there instantly. Through superhuman powers, I find a nurse and instruct him via mind to be compassionate. Intelligence watched for several days. The facility conformed their healthcare tactics to better ways. A little girl has broken her leg. Her mother neglects and flagellates her more when she does not feel well. Intelligence has watched for a short while. The scene was sent via the mother verbally abusing her child. Then she would stop for quite some time. However, the child broke her leg while riding her bike. The mother sees the chance to abuse outright. Intelligence deploys to her mind and the mother begins to praise the child. Intelligence is a moralistic superhero. No age or race barriers does this superhero has. In the time of hostilities, I am there. I was given my superhuman abilities to achieve peace unconditionally. ----------------------------------------------------------------------| PENNED ON AUGUST 30, 2014!

Details | Monoku | |


One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.

Details | Rhyme | |

Naked Coffee Shock

          Naked Coffee Shock

So.   It’s early Sunday morning in DC
Visiting my locale Mickey D’s
I’m not too bright about anything
Simply wanting a cup of Joe
Before I go to church
The help as usual is friendly and polite
(Some say they’re not but that’s alright)
2 ugly men walked in behind me
Clearly they were there to sin
Both had no clothes on so things went south
They were erect
(and I don’t mean posture or the building of a house)
I averted my eyes at the appropriate moment
These are hard times and getting harder
Not wanting to be party to this depravity and crime 
I tried to leave but…. Never mind…
 “Reach for the sky!”  The nude men shouted                      
Then struck up a conversation
(I thought this was salacious and unkind)
So.   I geared up my stronger serious mind
Became sophisticated and refined
I told them they are in the wrong place and time
Informed them the church is close to here 
If they were so inclined I’d take them there  
Repentance is a goodly and Godly thing
“Ridiculous!”  They cried 
They wanted more than a house of God
It was the apple pies they so desired
I told them they looked silly and kinda dumb
Reminded them they had no guns (obviously, they were naked)
There was no way to fake it
The only thing they threatened were some smiles 
So.  The manager told them there are no pies
And sizing up the situation, continued
“Can’t either of you read?”
The sign is clearly posted
“Shoes are required”  
You are not properly attired 
So kindly leave

Details | Free verse | |

Why do we have to grow up Huh

When I was just a baby
Many years ago
I was so agile I could even suck my toe
Now I have trouble lifting up a cup
Oh how I hate growing up!.

When you'r a child everyone smiles at you
And say's ''awe, aren't you cute''
Bur now your an adult
Your as cute and popular
As an old worn out boot.

When your a kid
and lose a tooth
You put it under your pillow
And in the morning you find a quid
But now  it's something you cannot do
Because you have to put your teeth into chew.

I suppose being an adult has it's advantages
You don't get ring worm nits and puppy fat 
But why did I have to grow up
It wasn't in my plan
It just happened
And now I'm a man

Petwr Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.

Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?

Details | Romanticism | |

The Intensifying love story

The Intensifying love story by 
I simply adore you, my Mesmerizing 
As you are my first love.
Who lighted my heart with full of pride and 
Who ignited the ecstasy towards lovely life.
Who relieved my pains and took sorrows 
as boon.
You made me fall sick in your love when I 
see your madness.
I like the way,
The way you gazed at me and my smoky 
The way you smiled at my mystifying and 
enigmatic appeal.
The way you every time praises me.
The way you galvanized me and proved 
the meaning of life.
You are the one,
Yes, you are the one who aroused my 
feelings, my emotions.
Yes, you are the one who explored my 
passion of love, flaming in my charismatic 
Yes, you are the lovely treasure which god 
had baptized me.
Yes, you are the one who turned the page 
of my life.
Eureka, I found my true love!!!!
Bewilderedly I did not know, where is my 
love taking me to ??
But still I like the way,
Like, the way you clutched me into your 
Like, the way you kissed my palms.
Like, the way you hugged me, caressed 
Like, the way you rubbed your fingers on 
my lips.
Like, the way you tickled me on my neck.
Like, the way you squeezed my cheeks.
Like, the way you holded me up towards 
the sky.
Like, the way when you inspired me to fly 
so high.
Tears dropped from my eyes and the very 
next moment I realized that it is my 
sensational love. My true love. Then I 
decided that no one had right to do this 
except you. If you want to know the 
reason?? If yes??
Yes, because I seriously fell in love with 
Yes, because you are the one to whom god 
had assigned me to.
And here comes the Swifted instance 
When, the moment you wore the golden 
ring in my finger and I was happily waving 
Just can’t forget the time when our long 
lasting friendship turned into lifetime 
It was just the blooming of two lover’s 
indicating the herald of the marriage. It 
means a lot for any girl in this amazing 
And yes, you will always find my heart 
topped with love showered only for you. 
For you!!
And till my last breathe, my heart beats, 
beating for you, only for you SUYOG!!
In fervour I wanted you to be mine forever, 
We both sojourned in each other soul so 
deeply that we just can’t wait for a single 
second, unless and until, we share what is 
running in our mind. It’s just because we 
are so much accustomed to each other 
I Love you, adore you, adore you forever 
my Love.

Details | Name | |

Shanity Rain

            So many amazing Artist ~
             one would never complain

            Just to be amongst all Soup 
             my name will never be plain

            I love all indiscriminately 
            My friends you'll  remain 

            Not to confuse or cause pain
            for the reason lies not in Vain

             From now on just call me 
                Shanity Rain ~

           However my Children remind me , I'm Insane ~
        '   Shanity Rain  my new Pen name  '

Details | Rhyme | |

First Date

I was around fourteen when the charms of girls began to beckon,
And I was about fifteen when I had my first date, I would reckon.
'Way back then there were certain rituals that must be observed,
Some of which left me quite baffled and somewhat unnerved!

The evening must be perfect so I wore a suit and tie.
Shoes were shined and greasy Vitalis to my hair I'd apply!
Peach fuzz was plucked and I fairly reeked of Old Spice.
The car was washed and waxed to further her entice!

This too was her first date and things must be just right.
She'd had a snit with her Ma thinking her hair was a fright!
But she looked divine in her hat, gloves and flowered frock!
Her Pa's parting shot, "You git her home by ten o'clock!"

When I called for her I daren't sit and toot the horn.
That would've heaped upon my brow her folks' eternal scorn!
So, I meekly sidled up and timidly tapped upon the door.
Met by her scowling Pa who said, "Who's this skinny boor?"

My grandkids tell me there's no such formalities nowadays,
And wearing jeans and mutilating body rings is all the craze.
I'm told a great date is to hang out with friends at the local mall.
I guess I was born too soon!  I just don't understand that at all!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved

Entry for Frank H "First Date" Contest

Details | Limerick | |

A Cow Named McKuen

There once was a cow named McKuen
Whose cud she was always a'chew'n.
Till one day in her lane
We asked please explain,
Said she, "It shor beats a stand'n 'n moo'n."

Details | Lyric | |

Old Time Hip Hop

*********this is all in fun, no offense to anyone*******  :)

Checks this out, 
My license-suspended,
That Mercedes,
Last night, I rear-ended.
Cops be taken,
That handicap sticker,
Nursing home
Listening to hens bicker.

I'm losing my mind-it's a real disease,
Fetch me my hearing aid, woulda ya please.
Turn on some Jeopardy and hear me,
Yell the wrong answers to my big screen tv.
I'm chillin' on the sofa watching my diet,
Yelling at the neighbors to keep kids quiet.
Counting my pills, each day is a sixteen,
Nurses come every hour and I sleep in between.

I'm spitting words
Into a cup of styrofoam,
Have no hair left,
But I still use a comb.
I jiggle when I wiggle,
With a can when I walk,
Hand me my dentures,
Now I can talk.

I'm forgetting birthdays I must be eighty,
Its been about twenty years since I had a datey,
These nurses be playing with my floppy skin,
I feel like a fool even when I win.
I'm sure there something better than this,
Won't you give a dirty old man a sympathy kiss,
Getting old, well kiddos that ain't so much fun,
But I'm cranky and old, and won't give up til I'm done.


Details | Light Poetry | |

One Night in Stroud

I stumbled drunkenly through Stroud
Passed the kebab van on the hill,
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of ladettes – taunting the old bill;
Just for a lark, just for a wheeze,
Flirting and dancing, dressed to tease.

Bedecked with bling, drinking cheap wine,
A clowder of cats out to play,
Perfume and bags by Calvin Klein
All you can eat slapper buffet.
Looking for violence not romance,
Tossing the V’s in fighting stance.

The plods approached askance, as they
Ignored them and crouched down to pee;
The deluge nearly washed away,
The council’s prized floral display! 
I gazed – amazed - at just how short;
Their skirts were and indeed how taut.

Often now – I sit down and cry
(Sometimes it puts me off my food) 
When I recall what I did spy
The female form so crass and rude;
Those harpies in search of cheap thrills,
Stooped - pissing on the daffodils.

(apologies to Mr Wordsworth)

Details | Limerick | |

Uglies In Love

Freda Cheda was a skank.
Her whole dang body stank.
Frank “Fugly” Ugly loved her anyway.
He thought about her night and day.
They got married and it was quite rank.

Details | I do not know? | |

Billy Jack Attack

Won't allow my mind to crack
See um no ordinary jack
See nigga's I always bounce back
Go ahead and talk all ya bull smack
So why don't you cut me some slack
Not my fault started this thing 
Always mind directs back to track
To a higher heavenly pack
Response to the sound of a quack
They fall to the ground as do flack
See um not the one who is black
See um the nigga thas a mack
So to all ya sucka ass hacks
I got something for ya to snack
Now turn that ass to take a smack
Now ya gonna hear the sound 
Gonna give to ya what ya lack
Take a puff from this fat ass sack
Not gonna put ya in a rack
Just gonna make paper stack
See um my own unique Billy Jack

Details | Rhyme | |

The Con Tom Thumb

Tinker Bell married Tom Thumb
while they were both intoxicated on Jamaican rum.
Tom woke up in the local jail,
jumped up startled and screamed: “What the hell!”
The jailer said that “Peter Pan has pull here,
he supplies us all with real cheap beer”.
Tom inquired as to where here might be;
the jailer asked Tom just how drunk was he?
“This is Pirate’s Cove” the gendarme said
and pleaded with Tom not to puke on the bed.
“Where’s my darling Tinker Doll?” asked Thumb.
He was informed that she was at Jacko’s Bar still drinking rum.
Peter had come and posted her bail
and sprung the little trollop out of jail.
Now the con Tom Thumb sits broken hearted,
wondering how in the hell all of this got started.
The moral of this story is that when you drink,
don’t get sloshed while with that flighty little Tink.

Details | Dramatic monologue | |


i have crafted and shafted and then re positioned
divulged and indulged to precise disposition 
yet frankly my points are most blunt at the end and my walls tend to fall at the slightest of bends
be it not such a bridge but a try at amends, with a friend who is quite hard of hearing
come step in my cauldron both women and children, these are the crimes i admit to both willinging and wildered
For i am the poet of pilgrims ,
what was left has been pillaged and raped, and only i who had managed escape
have been left to rebuild from the timbers

Details | Carpe Diem | |


Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.

Details | Sonnet | |

Vinnie, VD, Vichy-

I painstakingly take down reading list.
(I thought that our dear teacher surely gist.)
“Of Bison Men”, antiquity : out o’ print;
and “Batcher in the Fry”, a concrete  stint.

“Odious Night in Gail”, seen fit to ban – 
Perhaps by an old “RAD at Sky March” fan.
And “Cellphone flowers of yellow and green”, 
From “Loose'y in the Sky with Diamonds”, seen.

“You Lie, Sees” on top of list of sorcerers  –
Our Homers being the main baseball scorers.
“Vinnie, VD, Vichy~”: Dude ate too much 
I do not understand the rash and rush…

A cross all incontinence, without much flare,
there grammar mistakes is to much too bare.

1.	Bison: Prehistoric animal, now extinct. Also, Bison Men Street Fighter = movie;
        Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
2.	The Catcher in the Rye is a 1951 novel by J. D. Salinger
3.	Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats
4.	Radetsky March by Johann Strauss Sr.
5.	RAD – abbreviation of many interpretations; also, slang for “great”
6.	The actual line from “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” is: “Cellophane… “
7.     "Loose'y" is slang for cigarettes sold singularly
8.	Ulysses is derived from Ulixes, the Latin name for Odysseus, a character in ancient Greek literature. Odysseus also known by the Roman name Ulysses was a legendary Greek king of Ithaca and a hero of the blind poet, Homer's epic poem, the Odyssey.
9.	Julius Caesar said this when described how/what he did on his campaign. (veni (I came), vidi (I saw), vici (I conquered). Colloquially used by teenagers as an expression for conquests of the opposite sex. "Vichy" as in vichysoisse, a cold potato soup
10.	In the final couplet I vent my frustration with the incorrect usage and spelling which I often encounter in script; spelling and grammar which change the intended meaning of the text.
11. Written in: A quatorzain (from French quatorze, fourteen) is a poem of fourteen lines. Historically the term has often been used interchangeably with the term 'sonnet'. Various writers have tried to draw distinctions between 'true' sonnets, and quatorzains. Nowadays the term is seldom used, and when it is, it usually is used to distinguish fourteen line poems that do not follow the various rules that describe the sonnet. I followed the Shakespeare sonnet style with the volta at the COUPLET:"In Shakespeare's sonnets, however, the volta usually comes in the couplet, and usually summarizes the theme of the poem or introduces a fresh new look at the theme." ~ Wikipedia 

6 July 2013

Sponsor	Roy Jerden
Contest Name	Malapropisms and Mondegreens

Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”

Details | Blank verse | |

A true storey


Details | Narrative | |

Getting Old

As I sense the daylight strut through my mind,
I open my Squint's just enough to find,
one more day on this circle called Earth.
only 20,125 since the day of my birth.

I pull myself up with creaks and groans,
not stopping once until I've reached my thrown.
Start, Stop, Start, Stop life has played a trick it seems,
making this function that should be simple,
most difficult for me.

My friends all tell me age is just a number,
and I couldn't agree more.
20,126 and counting as my feet hit the floor.
Start, Stop, Start, Stop prostate exam on the 5th,
why, this growing old isn't all that hard as I take one more barium sip.

The hair is diminishing on the top of my head,
but growing in my ears someone once said.
The wrinkles on my for head that once never showed, 
20,127 just a roadmap to go.

It use to be my youth was free, careless, casual, and wild.
now in my old age I'm sorry to say;  I 'm out dated, out witted and out styled.
so to be apart of the elderly,
you have to be a bit bold.
just get use to the fact for the rest of your life,
you'll always be getting old.

Details | Limerick | |

Sweet Or Salty

She loved sweet nothings whispered in her ear.

   Her guy used salty slang when filled with beer.

      "A lady I am!" she said.

         "Clean up your act or drop dead!"

            He's slept 'neath the sod for nearly a year!

Details | Rhyme | |

Growing Old Disgracefully

Getting old is no fun believe me - I thought it would just be a breeze
But now I have to wear 'tena ladies' cos I leak when I cough, laugh or sneeze
My husband now uses Viagra - I steal one when he doesn't see
Slip one in my first morning cuppa, stops my biscuits going soft in my tea
No longer have boobies like 'Jordan' they've drooped, sagged and gone south
It doesn't stop me from smiling, gleaming dentures are fixed in my mouth
I need glasses to find my glasses - they were sitting on top of my head
I've forgotten to turn on my hearing aid so I can't hear a darn word that you've said
I think someone said my memory is fading , That is a load of old tosh
No I haven't got a beer belly, My trousers shrank in the wash

19th May 2014
Written by Jan Allison & Darren Watson
~ submitted to  ‘ Birthday and Aging Contest’ ~
Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire’

Details | Lyric | |

12 days of kiss-mas

On the 12th day of kiss-mass my true love sent to me
12 dirty undies
11 socks a stinking
10 shoes a humming
9 shirts for pressing
8 trousers 
7 days of take-out boxes
6 flagons of beer
5 D V D's
4 mischievous children
3 dozen wine bottles
2 ex partners
and an engagement ring under the tree

Details | Senryu | |


As you get older,
Deny the reality
That everything sags!

Details | Couplet | |


All Porto geese 
speak Portuguese.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Haiku | |

Note to Self

Stop writing haikus
They don’t even make sense now
Something something cake

Details | Acrostic | |

MEN acrostic


               Maybe G_d was tired when he enlivened Adam first
               Who would organize the world so full of stuff--
               No man can find his keys without a woman toting purse

Victoria Anderson-Throop (c)2013

Details | Narrative | |

Pee-Pee Retention

When I was younger and I thought of old age Thought we all became senile at this elderly stage It appears I was wrong, I can still go potty And able to dress this tired old body Try as I might, I don't see very well And my wobbly old legs are as shaky as hell Sometimes my words come out like a squeak Other times I whistle whenever I speak Have a secret to tell you my young whipper snappers It's as good as it gets except for my bladder It seems to be constantly wanting attention I don't have a problem with pee-pee retention So now that I've told you guys what to expect I must tell you all it's as good as it gets Enjoy your youth cause it's downhill from here You'll soon be old and decrepit I fear © Jack Ellison 2015

Details | Limerick | |

Limerick: Once a fierce Samurai from Xi Ban Guo

Limerick: Once a fierce Samurai from Xi Ban Guo

Once a fierce Samurai from Xi Ban Guo
Displayed his sword-play in a tornado
But his sword slipped hands
And entered his ampersands*
So now he limps about incognito.

•	In fact, I really mean: §

© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013

Details | Rhyme | |

Seriously Sirius

She married a guy from Sirius? Surely you cannot be serious What could she know about Sirius? A place light years away and mysterious I mean marrying a guy from Sirius Would hardly make one delirious And never really a clever idea You’d never call it ingenious Marrying a dude from Sirius I can but wonder why When she could have had a guy like me From Zeta Reticuli

Details | Rhyme | |

The Score

A very rich old man, still handsome in his way,
Was in New York’s most exclusive jewelry store,
Paying over nine thousand dollars for a gem-encrusted necklace.
‘Thank you so much, Mr. Didwell.  Will there be anything more?”

Beside the old man was an ethereal young beauty,
A body made for sin and a most angelic face.
Her sweet giggle was a lilting song of innocence.
Only such a necklace could match her natural grace.

“Oh Pookie, you’re just too, too sweet.”
She kissed his cheek. “You’re just so good to me.”
Then she purred, “And I want to be good to you.
Just you wait ‘til we get home…you’ll see.”

The old man winked at the salesman,
Knowing that he knew the “score.”
“Oh Sweet Thing, you’re already good to this old man.
You’re worth all I give and so much more.”

She danced on air as they left the store.
They crawled into his limo, and as it pulled away,
The old man turned to his young beauty and said,
“Sweet Thing, there’s something I must ask today.

If I lost everything, if I wasn’t rich any more,
Would you still love me as I love you?”
“Oh Pookie, you know I would;
And I would miss you too.”

Details | Free verse | |

Reflections: Intellectualism

To Dine, To Die;
Conversations spiral
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.

Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.

An endless groan
Argumental paralysis
The debate grants no throne.

Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.

"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.

Details | Dramatic Verse | |

Long Focus Lens

I knew, that if you knew that I was watching
Your thoughts of me would never be the same
The sexual approach as you hugs and 
caresses her silicone enchancers
         So tightly,
You feast upon her, sweetness 
That moaning sound, the bulging purple blood;
       Surges in your veins 

You close your eyes, and you sigh “Oh my God”
words, I never heard like that before
You seem at ease with the whore

Details | Light Poetry | |

Lady Cop in a SUV

The other day I was a cruising, right on down the street.
And I did spy a cop car, plainly marked, yes, an SUV.
Now I would swear that I really saw a Lady Cop inside.
A Lady Cop inside an SUV? Yes, that’s what I really saw.

Now that’s a really tough job, even, at the best of times.
And I don’t want to make fun of women, in this work line.
I’m sure they must be tougher than all the rest, to get respect.
They probably work their tails off, for promotions, theirs to get.

And I sure doubt I would get a pass on any tickets, either, to be true.
I just can’t shake the image, of a soccer mom, my mind keeps going to.
I know it’s wrong… I know… I know… this I really… shouldn’t say…
But I feel it’s right to call her a ‘Soccer Mom Cop’, some how, this way.

I know… I know… But ‘Soccer Mom Cop’ keeps rolling, in my head.
And God help me, she may not understand, if she hears, what I just said.
All I hope is she won’t hunt me down, to lavish tickets, in recompense.
But I mean it, in the nicest way; though to you, it may not make any sense.

Details | Haiku | |

Quandary - A Husband's Haiku

The dishes are done,
Kids are asleep and dreaming.
Want to watch T.V.?

Privacy at last.
The kids will not disturb us.
Want to hug and smooch?

The dishes are done.
No one will disturb us, but
She's got a headache.

Whatever I did,
It must have been bad, because
She keeps saying, "No."

Details | Rispetto | |

I'M A 8

A year has passed I’m looking so much older 
Bottom is huge and my boobies have gone south 
Got an aching back and pain in my shoulder 
Need anti ageing cream for lines round my mouth 
Have to wear glasses and use my hearing aid
Now I have dentures, my real teeth have decayed
I may dribble some wee when I laugh or sneeze 
This ageing process it sure isn’t a breeze 

Form: Rispetto – scheme ababccdd
Syllable counter from Poetry Soup used  - 11 syllables per line 
Contest: Tell me your number
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Birthday 25th January  2 + 5 + 1 = 8 number is 8
~awarded 2nd place~

Details | Lyric | |

The Freaks Come Out At Night

Written December 29, 2013

You don't see me
You see her silhouetted by the vapor
My hands all over
She's an introverted now and later

You can build a wall
Before you fall
But I'd give up
When the wall will fall
I'll be waiting here
Plein de plaisir

In your snatch fits pleasure
Broom-shaped pleasure, even better
Like politicians
Spilling oil on the wonderland

The sun will fall
The moon will rise, the freaks come out at night
Native tongues and foreign lands
Leave me handcuffed to the night stand

You can build a wall
Before you fall
But I'd give up
When the wall will fall
I'll be waiting here
Plein de plaisir

Details | Haiku | |

Cold, Flexible Steel

A serial of haikus, all addressing the same topic with 
a hint of humor; but advice that could save your life
or that of a loved one.  New to PoetrySoup, so I hope 
I'm not "out of order" with this submission or topic. 

Cold, flexible steel
Probing my dignity...

This “simple” exam
“…could prevent cancer.” they say.

We all have to die,
But not from colon cancer.

There's a downside tho’.
“Yuk! That, nasty brown liquid.”

“But boy, does it work...
Work and work and work some more. 

Baring your buttocks...
In a fetal position;
Then the lights go out. 

“No polyps", they say.
There are no malignancies.

Your colon’s okay.
It’s five years until your next...

Want some peace of mind?
Insurance may pay for it.

One “simple” exam
Can provide that peace of mind.

You might save your life.
Over 45?  Do it!

Cold, flexible steel.
On the other hand, what if…
Something else kills you?

Details | Free verse | |

It never goes well when the hen crows

("I know full well, if I can tolerate her spirit, I can with ease attach myself to every human being else," so said Socrates! The title is inspired by a proverb)

He married to the fairest of fair shepherdess The shepherd was much older than the dame But the fairest of dames was not headless one. Was given the charge of the house with little money. Folks knew well she was not quarrelsome wife But the husband ignored his duties day by day Wasted time, roaming in the country with sheep a few Wandering with friends, wondering at God’s creations. But that didn’t fetch the livelihood of the family He was in heaven as his wife never scolded him Silence was her fair jewel, which she always wore But she kept her sharp tongue intact, never to rut. A day came, she bemused her silence, mused tongue Obviously he has to face a wife much younger than him With rutted tongue, tolerated her tantrums and tongue. So that with ease he can enjoy his daily lazy routine.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Date 12-16-13 Dr. Ram Mehta Second place win Form: Free Verse Contest: Relate your poem to one of the quotes by Giorgio Veneto Chosen quote: 1) "By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher." - Socrates

Details | Rhyme | |

Never Take Hate Outside

When you're hurt inside,
And there's no where to hide,
And there's no one on your side,
And it's killing your pride,
Never take hate outside,

When your heart is chocking,
The heavy words never spoken,
The things that hurt you inside,
When love has died,
Never take hate outside,

When your heart is gone,
From being alone,
And it beats a solemn tone,

When you're cold inside,
It's only a short ride,
Never take hate outside

Details | Limerick | |

I Just Can't Win

My wife she says that at housework I suck,

She yelled "pick up a broom you schmuck!"

  But babe, all that cleanin and dustin 

  Leaves no time for drinkin and lustin!

But she said "no dustin, no lustin!"...WTF!

Details | Limerick | |

Gregorian Chant Rap

Mozart composed the Jazz of his day,
Bach could Rock in the same way,
Music is music,
Melodies mimic,
Young tunes turn classical fogies’ heads gray.

Details | Epic | |

Gregor the Slowest

Gregor the slowest
Felt nothing but fear
To prove he was worthy
He must kill a deer
A great giant bat
Was chasing him far
He ran and he ran
Towards that tiny North star

The deer weighed a lot
Tied to his small back
He tripped and he fell
He was under attack!
He drew out his sword 
Sort of stumpy and dull
And brandished it boldly
Like the horn of a bull

He slew the fierce beast
Stabbed him with a strong hand
Then he continued to travel
Just like he had planned
But he, he was careless
Not looking around
Big lots of danger
So soon would abound

He tripped and he fell
Like the cretin he was
Right into the swamp
Full of monsters and fuzz
Then all of a sudden
He felt a strange thing
A nip and a nibble
And then a sharp sting

He jumped like a moose
Right out of his skin
He saw a large rat
To his leg it did cling
A bash of his hand 
Then a kick and a stomp
But to no avail
The rat did still romp

He sat in despair
He cried and he sobbed
And he could not swim
So he had to bob
A rat on his leg 
And his face in the mud
He would have been dead
He was in deep crud

But Harry was near
The God of the Dumb
A snap and a crackle
He was out of the scum
Hooray! he did shout
Yippee! and Booyaw!
Then he sat down to chat 
With his savior, the God

“Oh dearest Harry,
My life you did save
To tell you my story
You must be the brave
It is very thrilling, 
A strong heart you must bear
I’ll start from the outset
Its truthful, I swear!”

Gregor felt empty
He needed a friend
He came across Zera
His heart she to mend
But she was a princess
A beauty, a crest
Gregor needed some help
To prove he was best

So he went to the wood
To kill a great deer
He rode off like lightning
Just a small bit of fear
Deer large as a house
Ran into the path
Gregor ran after
But got way off track

Lost as a donkey
He neighed and he brayed
Galloping in circles
His terror displayed
He sat down and cried
But out of the night
Came a huge giant bat
All ready to fight

“And that is my tale”
Said he with a smile
Harry sat straight
And thought for a while
Then he got up and took
Gregor by his small hand
He led him back home
To his native land

Harry led him to Zera
So he could say hi
He said hi very well
And his fortunes did fly
They fell deeply in love
And had many kids
Now Gregor has friends
And a few little squids

And that is the tale 
Of poor little Greg
His fortunes did rise
Right out of the dregs
With some help, he flew
Right out of his hole
Didn’t need to dig down
Like a little blind mole

Details | Rhyme | |

39A to 39Z

When I was young, I noticed
Many adults stopped aging at 39.
Had something to do with Jack Benny
And trying to hold back time.
Then I noticed something else.
They often spoke of retiring at 65,
And many of them seemed to hope
They might still be alive.
The difference came to 26, 
A number I knew very well.
The number of letters in the alphabet
We use to print and write and spell.

Then it occurred to me,
For folks holding youth so dear,
Just add a letter to 39
Each and every year.
39A would be 40,
39Z would be 65.
After that, start letters over again
Or just be glad you’re still alive.
So, you see, it’s easy
To forever be 39.
You may fool yourself & others, 
But you can’t fool Father Time.

Details | Free verse | |



I don’t mean to be ….GGRRRRRR
to the genetics of the genome…BUT

my legs are too short
my body’s too long
my gut hangs so low
I can’t wear a thong

my ears….they get stepped on
by me….not by others
I can’t scratch my nose
only my brothers

and don’t even ask
in the snow…..what I do
for before I can circle
the whole thing turns…

with legs oh so short
you may think it funny
to see me pass by
a skateboard ‘neath my tummy

then there are those
who dare to suggest
that I was conceived
during Octoberfest

My head may bulge out
and my tail may bulge in
but I’m a damn good looking dog
for the shape that I’m in.

submitted to Rob Carmack – Dachshunds – Poetry contest

Details | Limerick | |

Bill And Monica - Limerick

     Bill And Monica - Limerick

There once was a girl called Monica
Bill played her like a harmonica
Placed cigars in her rear 
News said that was queer
Both caught on surveillance electronica

Details | Free verse | |


Cowboys aren’t smart.
They are from California and the tale of how the West was won.
They ride horses and make movies that many times is watched by dudes.

Cowboys are smart.
They are from California and how the West was won.
They ride horses and rope cattle and build log cabins that they say is their seat in Heaven.

Cowboy movies are liked by many and they always want to fight Indians.
A cowboy can be a real idiot and when he wants to be a genius, he is real witty.

Cowboys and how the West was won.
Very funny…

Details | Couplet | |

Culture Clash

In Oxford and Cambridge, they can get jolly batey
‘cos they don’t speak proper wot like I do matey

Details | Grook | |

Quid Pro Quo

Quid pro quo                                                                                                          Penny ante                                                                                                              It is only a penny for your thoughts                                                                           Unless you do not know?                                                                                         Happiness can’t be bought                                                                                        With no money to burn and a penny saved is a penny earned                                             Why do you put in your two cents worth?

Details | Couplet | |

Some ale

Often some ale
makes a man male.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Free verse | |

If Jane Were a Feminist


What's with that yelling already?

Me Tarzan, Me Man, Me Make Noise

I can see that.  Inside voice, please.
You'll wake up Cheetah and you know
How grumpy he gets if his nap is interrupted

Me Tarzan

Enough, I know already
Me hungry, Jane make lunch

Now wait a minute Jungle Boy, I'm tired
Of waiting on you hand and foot
Make your own lunch

Woman take care of Man, Woman listen to Man, Law of Jungle

Says who?


That doesn't impress me, loin cloth breath!

Jane talk funny since trip to Ameeereeka

Listen here tree vine jockey, I learned a lot in New Joysee
Women have rights, they used to burn their bras

What is bras, me no understand

Didn't think so.  Either you treat me with respect or I'm out of here!

Where Jane go?

Maybe back to New Joysee

Tarzan listen Jane
Jane teach Tarzan respect

Now you're talking
First lesson, what's for lunch?

Details | Quatrain | |

Oh The Female Form

Is it just me or do all old guys drool At the sight of every young chickie Could it be I'm a perverted old geezer Or normal but no longer picky Once thought I was quite sophisticated With very discerning tastes and all But the older I get, the less picky I am Probably need a complete overhaul Don't go calling me a nasty old pervert Females were meant to be admired I'm sure they're totally aware of this fact By some of their provocative attire Sure not complaining, trust me on this Wouldn't have it any other way Just to ogle these beauties walking by Brightens up the dullest of days Not a pervert, just a healthy old male Enjoying the finer things in life The female form in all it's perfection Counteracts all of life's strife © Jack Ellison 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Triple Dog Dare

I triple dog dare you to kiss that girl!

Said Teresa, grimacing wide.

I said “Okay, I’ll do it!”

And I did, or at least, tried.

I walked up to her in study hall,

asked her if she was from heaven and all,

and then leaned in for a kiss,

when she kicked me... right in the balls!

Maybe I shouldn’t have done that!

No more triple dog dares for me!

“Go lick that sign!” Jimmy yelled.

Well, maybe one more dare at least!

Details | Rhyme | |

I'll Go First

Every week on Friday
McGee worked late at night
But this time would be different
The work load seem real light

So he left a little early
Punched his card and tipped his hat
Then headed to O'Malley's
For a stiff one and some chat

But a feeling seem to come to him
Perhaps He'd just go home
And surprise his little wife
That's waiting there alone

So he walks down the empty streets
"Till he made it to his door
Takes his shoes off as he enters
As to tip-toe cross the floor

That's when he hears some noise
Cracks the bedroom door to see
His Buddy Finn and his wife
Are making merrily 

Oh, McGee he got so flustered 
But didn't stop their fun
And slowly crept away
To the next room for his gun

He was locked and Loaded
When he kicked right through the door
With the gun at his head, He said,
"I can't take this anymore"

But his wife left the bed
And knelt down on her knees
And begged him not to kill himself
and "Put the gun down,Please"

McGee then looked upon his wife
His expression was quite vexed
Then he told her to "SHUT UP"
Cause she was surly NEXT !

Details | Dramatic monologue | |

Youthful Braggadocio

                                I can stand on a speck of dust
                                And move the entire universe
                                Can take on devil's machinations
                                And brave any God's curse.
                                If the sun does not behave properly
                                I will swallow it without a burp
                                Planets behaving unruly?
                                Will turn them into pulp.
                                I can do this
                                I can do that
                                I can do anything
                                Don't invite my wrath
                                Deadlier than scorpion's sting.
                                Girls of all hues and colors
                                Fall for me like nine pins
                                Whether in saris, or in skirts,
                                Or be wearing jeans.
                                I would be for them
                                Romeo, Samson, Newton,
                                All combined in one,
                                Presley, Bruce Lee, oo7
                                Bond without a gun.
                                All evil, scared of me,
                                Be perennially on run.
                                I can do so much
                                Have soooooooo much in me.
                                PROBLEM IS ONLY ONE;
                                It's such a great pity
                                That before I move the universe
                                I have to clear university!

Details | Rhyme | |

A Girls Night Out

          A Girls Night Out

Girls talk.  It’s what they do
And shoes….Yes…They do that too
Some girls are thirsty after breakfast
Coffee’s good but never lasting
They have this thing that they invented
Involving other beverages of certain measure
Adult drinks at night clubs brings them pleasure
Perhaps some alcohol makes things brighter
It might be safe…but then again….
They’re heads are lighter
It’s A Girls Night Out 
An innocent party
To talk about, control and brand a man
Cheering with a brandy in each hand 
When girls gather after hours 
Congregate and “play” to gain more power
They hit the night clubs in high fashion
Looking for a little action
Mary had one too many drinks
And a man’s underwear in her purse
Discovered when she went home
What could be worse?
She forgot his name….and for the record…hers too
Girls talk.  That’s what they do
She ended up marrying underwear man
And still goes out on a girls night out
For fun and pleasure
And shoes…Yes….They’ll use them too
On your head if you refuse

                                                            5/18/14 A Girls Night Out contest 

Details | Narrative | |

A Hidden Tattoo

What makes us sluggish, unable to get moving It's something to do with low pressure Known to cause problems in migraine sufferers Unavoidable, can't change the weather Happily I can say I'm not one of those sufferers But I sure can sympathize, my friends Other than a few minor muscle aches and pains With this ailment I don't have to contend Throughout my life I've been free of major ailments My ten fingers and ten toes are all crossed Whatever's ahead I'll have a hard time accepting Must be brave and strong at all costs It's never been a topic we like to discuss When we're young and our life's on a roll But lately the subject's been foremost on my mind Guess my age is finally taking it's toll As the old saying goes, “what will be will be” The time frame is not usually up to us Unless we determine we can't take it any more And decide we've had quite enough I don't recommend taking the cowards way out Hang in there and see the thing through Perhaps Nicole Kidman wants to feel your body And show you her hidden tattoo!!! © Jack Ellison 2015

Details | I do not know? | |

'Araby' revised

Setting: a cafe, chamonix, in hand a tea.
Across- a woman, seated, not seeing me.

Embarrassed I am,
that I, a questionable I, 
like a lamb: 97 and 1 kilogram,
am engulfed by her,
like Noah by heavanly mer.

Can I help it?- No!
That this Helen
this doe 
or maybe Annabel of Poe
has transfixed me so

For she, unbeknowest to anyone but me,
has -- like a jockey to horse--
narrowed my vision, my every decision.

My goals, my independent roles,
are all now but foes
to that of this woman,
to that of this Syren;
A homeric vision calling my name,
my thoughts [set completely in frame].

For she is Femme French,
whose lip, whose tongue, whose
unequaled gaze,
melts hearts, muffles minds, and
spirits sets a daze;

She is a picture Romaine-
a poetic refrain-
a Cloud Loraine- 
Tout l'univers(se), turning perverse-
all those once sane.

And when you, pardon- she
speaks; «please, more tea»
she, unknowingly, speaks to me,
wow, she trully speaks to me. 

Votre langue francais,
what can I say.
We in the west, at our best
butcher and hack at our speach,
yet you- lyrically spue- a harmonious
a ventricular breech....

Our « (c)(h)(o)(c)(o)(l)(a)(t)(e), »
americanized, anglasized,
Is not as sweet as your---
« chocolat »--- taste that
tis better, the way you pronounce every letter
as in decrouver, or illuminer.

To think, that this, your verbal kiss, 
turns me so amiss.

But lets ((focus))- back to the Now,
sitting in chair, starring at her hair-
tied back, pulled back, let's get abstract:
lips parted, bangs parted.
Her cheeks lifted- my heart uplifted.
Facial confusion!
Her eyes whisper, « mister, »
maybe sinister?
Who knows, maybeee... the nose!
Striking a pose-
Running, twitching, creating true woes-
in a heart that weeps, reeps, but rarely sows.

Now you can see what she does to me.
my mind is adrift, but who cares- What a Gift!
To be lost in her presence- a humble
peasant- in the present is a present.

So- I'm sitting in a chair,
staring, glaring, intimately at her,
seeking, searching, for our eyes to
meet, to greet, in lustful heat,
for her to return my gaze
and to be lost in that haze till the
end of my days....

But wait....    What is this.      
Something is amiss.
A realization, a boner?
OH GOD....
I have a boner...
shit. I'm just another creepy loner. 

Details | Rhyme | |

My Membership

They said the day I signed up, 
Once I paid the fee
My membership was lifetime 
But then, I looked to see

I felt l had been cheated
"Lifetime", what a joke
To think how much I paid to them
It causes me to choke

But since I'm here, I guess I'll stay
As long as I'm alive
And just renew my membership 
In 2065

I'll be 58 in August
Do the math--- Ha !

Details | Blank verse | |


I stepped inside the room of a friend,

trying to surprise her a present.

The room was dark and so silent,

I saw an image standing in the wall.

My vision couldn't grasp at ease,

and my hairs started to rise...

Goosebumps! I creep on silence.

One wrong move and I'll lose my breath.

I open my eyes,focus a li'l bit.

Holy shit! my shadow made me freak.

Details | Free verse | |

Hail to the Dragon Slayers

We know we are right and we will fight
If you dare appose us we will bite
When good doers think they have a chance
We take their idea and we do the dance
We are the law that makes the choice
And no one can keep their face in a good poise
Because we will smack them with a hammer
As we see them we will make them stammer
Just because we are justice
And we try to do some odd practice
Now we will get back on track
We the people take charge and attack
Wait, what are we attacking? the people that are not right
Oh! thats just my brothers and sisters oh! they are a sight
Now look here, we, we the people makes laws
It doesn't matter how many people open their jaws
I'm all confused, we are the people, did we not choose?
We are, but certain people are just to loose

Fine, this is what the new law we want to appose
Why? because we are confused about what we chose
Using we as a word is to many
It takes all of us even granny
So this is what we want to do, is put I and you separate
And the other that we are to choose to elaborate
I am going to say this, we are to many individuals
So we separate the ones who are good doers
That does not make sense
To put all the yous and I's in a group, it's just dense
Are you with me? no I am with myself in this
I am going to rub it in your face and be in a bliss
So I will do the justice myself, and you has decide to disobey
This is what I mean to do, and it will be O.K.
Debating myself is some what kinda weird
You need to be by my side because we make choices better
So this time you and I will just make justice a letter

The clue is what we do that is some what true
It's funny when words play a game to argue the virtue
When I mean I, I mean I, and when I say you, it is you
When I say we, it is us, and that is what my argument is all about, too.
Fifty, fifty is what the Dragon Slayer is saying, it becomes no greater nor smaller
We are all at fault and our decisions that we have made is for all of us to stand taller
Even when it is wrong and we do things to put down the strong
And our arguments become pointless and long
Our justice is when we started to put it on paper and making it a law that stand
So all of us, in the long run will simply decide to band

Details | Rhyme | |

The Superhero Frog part 1

                    The Superhero Frog 
   Once  upon a time,there was a frog named
   Curious George
   he swam in the lily pond and slept in a 
   hollow log, 
   It was a very comfortable place for a frog,
   He swam and had great fun,
   He warmed himself lying in the sun,
   But George was often sad,lonely,and scared,
   He didn't have any friends because no one
   would dare,
   Just because he was different, it seemed to
   him no on cared.
   All the town kids wouldn't play with him,
   because of his long green sticky tongue and 
   his green skin, 
   Then one day, he heard some loud shouts!
   He wondered what all the fuss was about,
   He hippty-hopped through a hole in the
   Then he was in grass so dense, 
   He could just barely see the sky,                                                                
   This was how he got his name he was
   always asking why?
   But that was a question for another day,
   For right now, he had to be on his way,
   He hippity-hopped out on to the sidewalk,
   He could hear some people talk,
   But he just had to see,
   What all the commotion could possibly,
   possibly be,
   Then he saw a little boy and girl playing ball 
   in the street,
   They were not paying any attention to cars
   or trucks they could meet,
   An old rickety truck,with wobbly wheels, 
   bouncing springs, steam pouring from the 
   radiator spout,
   went bouncing and wobbling down the street
   with a clatter and bang,  
   the driver beep his horn happily along to his
   song as he sang,
   The kids and driver didn't hear the warning 
   shouts of                       
              LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!
   George saw what was happening and quick 
   as a flash,
   He hippity-hopped to the edge of the 
   sidewalk in a mad dash,
   Then he stuck out his looooooonnnnnnnnng 
   sticky green tongue 
   as fffffffffffaaaaaaaaarrrr as he could, 
   He wrapped it around that boy and girl right
   where they stood, 
   not enough space see my page,part 2 for the  
   rest of the story...                                                       
   k river                                                                    

Details | Light Poetry | |


The fairer sex
How fair they aren't
When courting is in question
The fairer sex
How good they are
At beguiling and deception

Yet so in depth
Their traps prepared
Beauty - a treacherous invention
I think I know
Their ins and outs
Still this is no protection

From evil spells
For wedding bells
Will cloud your best perception
And in a trice
Your gagged and bound
In an altarly direction

[I wrote this in 1989 well before I got married...]

Details | I do not know? | |

Illegitimi non Carborundum

Illegitimi non carborundum ;-)

...Staggering, my vision cloudy,

I fall to the hard ground.

when life’s sharp left-jab leaves my face bloody,

and all that surrounds me, is the desolation of loss I feel all around.

I see myself slipping,

down the abyss to where nothingness exists,

still, I cling on, groping for a foothold,

for my will to stay persists.

I clamber up, I stand my ground, though battered and bruised I may be,

my curtain is not falling yet, I have some fight still left in me.

It is then, in the pit of despair, when all seems bleak and painful and dull,

I summon the strength from deep within,

I rise, slowly, to face the day,

I refuse to sink,

to wallow, to surrender, to throw in the towel,

to drown,

for I am stronger now,

indeed I am, after all the years, and all the battles,

I stand, bruised and bloody,


I stand,

I refuse, to sink, to drown,

for they can try, to punish me some more,

but I shall not allow them to grind me down…


Details | Free verse | |

















Details | ABC | |


I look in the mirror and what do I see
Cellulite and stretch marks
Body perfect, that is me

I turn to the left and then to the right
My butt is way too big
But my tummy gave me a fright

I laughed out loud and nearly choked
I looked like a naked camel
Who needed to be stroked

I see my beauty and yes my flaws
If there has to be gravity
There has to be certain laws

Laugh at yourself
Hug yourself tight
Love every inch of you
Laugh aloud-despite...

Details | Rhyme | |

A Chantage The Betrayal

            A Chantage

Extortion matters change the air to ice
The price of blackmail and betrayal
A heavy spice served up with delight
Wife and friend in bed together
Not playing cards or knitting sweaters
Things could be worse
I’m happy to find them first
Not in reverse
My mistress and I found in bed
Not reading books but doing each other
Now that’s a different matter!
And takes another course… not in divorce
My wife, who’s French, has quite the temper
And thinks along the lines, she should dismember
Instead of losing money in this dubious matter
My head’s served up on a silver platter 

Details | Rhyme | |

Baby-talk learning to climb

da big puppee wun away twees                                                                                        ma ma get foe mee peese                                                                                               we no do that baby go bye bye                                                                                  hims bad bo-bo dats gweezwy                                                                                   dada whaauh maa maa say no doggie wiee                                                              where him go dolly dat wayee                                                                                   waite hunnie hunnie nooowaa                                                                                       mawmie wiee daddie in twee

Details | Sonnet | |



In the pub, I serve out the pints
My comely bosom gives a hint of home
And what men are escaping from – dreary sex
With housewives who scour the sink with vigour

Trim the joint and lard the fowl
Gristles of fat clinging to their knuckles
As the froth of beer clings to men’s beards.
England is a riff between the breakfast table and tea

Where homely condiments drown the flavour
Of each day, and newspapers live on scandal
The seamier the better.  It makes the ordinary man
Happier than ever not to be one of the toffs

Glad that she can be had for a song
Save the one that lies buried in her throat.

Details | Haiku | |

first hue of light dawn

first hue of light dawn
redness swells in the background
over rooftops line

Details | Footle | |


Grey hair
You stare

I cry
Get dye

Mix it …
Fix it

The dye

Grey gone
Move on

I smile
For while

Hair grows
Grey shows

More dye
I cry

Need more
From store

But… for me ….

Man grey
Way heyyyyy

Jan Allison
23rd August 2014

Details | Couplet | |

Our age

Even our serious age
does not make us all sage.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Couplet | |


Only Eve is a madam, 
who is known from Adam.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Rhyme | |

The Cut Price Wedding

Angus and Morag decided to get married
Twenty years together – too long they had dallied
So off to the registry office they did go
To book the wedding and get on with the show

Angus being a canny Scots man
Said lets get this done as cheaply as we can
If we limit the numbers there will be a reduction
Oh Angus please learn the art of seduction

He paid for 6 people at a reduced fee
Angus rubbed his hands with glee
Just Angus the groom and Morag the bride 
Would stand together side by side

They wore nothing special on their special day
Angus did not want fuss it is cheaper way
Ailsa and Isla their two teenage daughters
Hamish and Jeanie their other supporters

The wedding breakfast was held at Maccy D’s
Six Big Macs and fries, 2 cokes and four teas
Hamish was happy to pay for this meal
He’d got a voucher for a 2 for 1 deal

I felt really sorry for Morag that special day
Hamish hadn’t always been this way
When they met Hamish swept her off her feet
But now he’s got control of the monthly balance sheet

I haven’t stopped smiling since I read this great news
No better daughter in law his parents could choose
His mother didn’t have to buy a new hat
I know she will have been pleased about that

Jan Allison
1st April 2014

Submitted to Any Poem Goes # 17 Free Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Poet Destroyer A

Details | Light Poetry | |

Malted - biscuit - Teaser

Stop being suggestive
With that choccy digestive
Just stick it in your gob
And pass me a hob nob

Details | Couplet | |

Amanda Veranda

Amanda smiles when she walks down the street.
Amanda parades for the company she meets.
Amanda auditions when you ask her name.
Amanda Veranda is her own hall of fame.

But under the garments and jewels she wears.
She can't stop fearing the gossip she hears.
At night when she's naked and stripped of her gown
Amanda's wide grin sadly slips to a frown.

Her make up starts running her image is bare.
Her vanity's vanished because nobody's there.
She looks in the mirror and sees she must change.
Her fantasy vanity must be rearranged.

So she made herself useful and gave of herself.
And found she could finally climb down from her shelf.
She took down her trinkets and vases and gifts.
Went out and mended those trivial rifts.

She humbled herself and she found it felt good.
Did all the things that she knew that she should.
Now she’s still quite the talk of her little old town.
But it no longer gossips and puts this girl down.

They speak of her highly since she's bowed very low.
Not low in a bad way she just gave up her show.
So if you're an Amanda whose ego's to big
You'll too find it better to swing a new gig.

Details | Couplet | |

Professorial glasses

Often even professorial glasses 
don't help heads not to look like asses.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Quatrain | |

Leo The Lion

I'm Leo the Lion, I am, I am From the mystical world of the Astrology I'm generous, strong and warmhearted That's if you believe in symbology Not making this up, check it out Masculine, positive and extroverted If I listen too carefully, my head will swell Which should definitely be averted My wife suggested widening the doorways Or I might severely injure my brain Methinks my honey's being a bit facetious But I love her a bunch just the same I'm Leo the Lion, I am, I am Just a fun loving guy who enjoys life They also say I'm very broad-minded Love broads but don't tell my wife! © Jack Ellison 2014

Details | Couplet | |


A VIP while making pee 
looks like a not-quite VIP.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Free verse | |


English is not a language 
one can ever get ahead of--
there are just too many words!
Like 'ludic; for example:
playful, in the sense of 
spontaneous, without a
real purpose. So how come I
never came across it in over 
sixty years of reading in my
beloved mother tongue, 
the language I love,
the language I married.

Even spell-check never saw it, 
or else why underline little
ludic in red, like a criminal of
some sort who needs a 
good sorting out, a spell in
word prison perhaps? If one 
looks, one can find sweet ludic
laying low, hiding quietly in the
big fat Oxford Dictionary, lord
and regent of all word books.
He lives there with his cousins--
ludibrious and that stuffed shirt, 
ludibry, and ludrico (no doubt
from the Italian side of the
family) and of course, the far
more famous ludicrous who 
seems to want all the spotlight
for himself. Words can be
very selfish too.

Details | Couplet | |

English to French

Excuse me, my French ami,
the future belongs to me.

Volodymyr Knyr 2014

Details | Couplet | |

Quite a lad

An old man usually is glad
to be reputed quite a lad.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Quatrain | |

Babies In 2050

How long before I can drive a car? You always say I'm much too young So what if I can't actually feed myself And you still have to change my bum Times are a-changing dear sweet mother The new age of majority is two Us guys have brains like soccer balls And the balls to try something new I know my size might be a problem But with all the new gadgets that exist As long as my young brain is functional I can still do most things on the list Like keeping track of my finances Making sure I've got enough to retire As I reach the age of two hundred and ten With enough till the day I expire I know it's difficult for you to grasp And I realize to you this is new But so many advances have taken place Us wee folks can live longer than you So next time you look at us grandkids And feel sorry we missed what you had Each new generation has it's own advances A product of our time, good or bad © Jack Ellison 2013

Details | I do not know? | |

Funny How

Funny How

It’s funny how you grow together 
Your lives become intertwined together 
You’re here together there together
Rarely wined and dined together
You’re far to intertwined together
To gather that together can be rather wide apart 

Maybe you walk together
But do you really, really talk together?
Not about the weather together
But your deep down thoughts together
Are you beginning to gather 
That together can be rather wide apart

Yes I know you sleep together
But do you go to bed together
Has the haven of your love together
Pulled you more apart than together
All the things that brought you together
As you can gather can force you wide apart!

Details | Rhyme | |

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out

I'm a Prizefighter and my name is Little Mac.
When I fight my opponents, they end up on their backs.
I defeat all of my opponents even though they're twice as tall as me.
I have to jump when I punch their faces and I drive them to their knees.
It only took one punch to knock out Glass Joe.
When I fought Super Macho Man, I won by TKO.
I punched Bald Bull in the stomach when he began to charge.
He shook the whole ring when he fell because he's so large.
As I punched King Hippo in the stomach, his trunks kept falling down.
I only had to knock him down once to beat him, he couldn't last one round.
MR. Sandman was tough and he thought he could put me to sleep.
But I gave that moron such a beating that he started to weep.
When I fought Mike Tyson, I knocked him out and I whipped him before Buster Douglas did.
Tyson was so embarrassed because I was only seventeen years old, he was beaten by a kid.

(This poem is based on the popular 1987 video game.)

Details | Rhyme | |

It's Time for a Funny

Hello Honey, are you feeling sunny
or another day of crummy?

Are you going to be grumpy
because your a little lumpy?

Your still my little hunky
because your always spunky.

I love you my sweet Honey
because your never a dummy!

Details | Light Poetry | |


The lady-like wife
That unwritten law
Of domestic life . . . 

I want to dust in the nude
And cook wearing leather
I want to be very crude
With one pink feather

I want to pant down the ‘phone
As you smile at your boss
I want to scream loud and moan
Bite, scratch, claw and toss

I want to know there’s still passion
For your lady-like wife
Not contentment but hot fire
In domestic life

You know I love you my darling
So much more than the cat
Just climb up on the wardrobe
We haven’t tried that!

Details | Couplet | |

How Loud Can a Curtain Call

How Loud Can a Curtain Call

Why do some people prefer to discourage
When what they should do is encourage
Others to write poems and subjects to choose.
Like one which was about a perfect excuse.

I wrote a poem and became the laughing stock
After everyone ended up in a state of shock
Either it was in Oregon or perhaps Washington
Where the actual emphatic story had begun.

We here are called an incredible West coaster
Left behind on east one each bragger and boaster
While we feast on fashion here in the West
And antics are known for pulling the best.

Everyone on West Coast seems to panic
When we will end up doing a frantic antic
And after we see your faces all aglow
We turn it into a great, terrific TV show.

This is our dream always expressed precisely
For part in play we had done so nicely
There is only one way out and an escape
Jump under before they pull curtain and drape.

How about: It was certainly curtains for your show.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

Details | Rhyme | |

When She Says Guess My Age

Guess My Age

By Elton Camp

If it’s a woman who asks, there’s no way to win
So I don’t plan to get caught by this one again

If she is really forty but fifty is the guess I told
She is outraged because I think she looks old

If an age younger than hers I happen to name
She will certainly be offended just the same

Her reaction will be, I am unquestionably sure
“It seems that you think I look very immature!”

Daring to guess a woman’s age is a bear trap
Avoid getting caught - don’t open your yap

It’s like attempting a live bomb to defuse
Cut the blue, red or green wire - you choose

Details | Light Poetry | |


can you tyde
can you write
do you have a insight
i you can too
her's what you do
get hook

Details | Couplet | |

Live on a Lark

Live on a Lark

I learned how to live on a lark
And then did decide to disembark
On a voyage which invariably
Would be just right for you and me.

Laughed and smiled everywhere we went
And as soon as all our money was spent
Upon the sea grew a great big hale
Your and my face started turning pale.

Each formed wave was finally flat
And I started to think off the bat
With her then had to be quite blunt,
To go again we would never want.

James Thomas Horn
Poet Laureate World Renown

Details | Free verse | |


part 1

That's what I said, I mean like why bother.
Unless of course he's willing to pay for everything, and I mean everything.
That is what it's about, right? 
Damn straight, sister.
What happened to love, just for the sake of love? 
It got evicted when it couldn't pay the rent.
But, there must be some happy medium.
Yeah, me, wearing my medium halter top and my bling-bling.
Damn straight, sister.

part 2

Are you alright? 
I guess, I've been worse, all things considered.
But, how? I mean, you don't even...
It wasn't mine.
Then, shouldn't the rightful owner step up and claim the prize? 
Too many playas.
Oh, so it's like a time-share thing.
Yeah, and, I was lucky enough to have checked in last.
Dude, she's a fucking liar.
I know, but I'll handle it, it'll go away quickly.
How do you think? 

part 3

Mmm, nice.
Turns colors, too.
Really? Show me.
Hold on, let me warm it up a bit.
Well, not too hot, I hope.
Ok.  There. See? 
Wow, can I do that? 
It's at your service.
Well, then come here and please me.
Easy there, you might scare it away.
(Looks down)  Not from what I can tell.


Details | Free verse | |

Classy broad picking at nachos

Her good and grace
Placed in disgrace
As the human moment
And cheese-covered roadkill
Gets the best of her better soul
She snatches the dripping morsel
This Byzantine beauty lets it roll
Wiping the lost drop of nachoness
With dexterity and pedicured elegance
Only to lick it clean and nasty
Before anyone realizes
Her subtle act of triumph
Makes her one of us.


Details | Dodoitsu | |

Sugar Plate

Just go feed the cat, pretty please?
fix me a drink and add ice.
I boss you around with love
salt to your sugar 

You take care of me so well
your heart left on your apron 
love is the smell of fresh bread
that plate of sweetness.