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Age Humorous Poems | Age Poems About Humorous

These Age Humorous poems are examples of Age poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Age Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Sonnet | |

59 and Knocking Wood

Eight decades and a half "young" is my mom.
Nine years and half a century am I.
How quickly I have aged gives me a qualm,
but one good thing - I now CAN'T multiply!

And right behind my mom I'm following. . .
The white hairs keep appearing; it's with dread
I picture myself one day swallowing
my food with dentures stuck inside my head!

Mom always was athletic till her knees
gave out. . . so walking fast she does no more.
But luckily, she has no grave disease.
I think she just too often scrubbed the floor!

Well, I don't "stoop" to drudgery. Knock wood!
At least my knees might possibly stay good.


For the Humorous Poetry Contest of Thomas Martin

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme | |

IF I SHOPPED FOR MY SPOUSE LIKE I SHOP FOR MY AUTOMOBILE

My man was old and battered and was destined for the scrap heap He’d failed his annual MOT as his many defects ran far too deep His motor was still running but he had an intermittent fault He’d nod off when we were making love – (I’d feel a sudden jolt!) His once full head of blonde gleaming hair Can be polished, as it now it’s thinning there With aching joints that my man once trusted He needed a service as his parts were rusted So I took him to the used man showroom to see what they could do They gave him full service to see if his parts they could renew They said he still had many miles to go and they no longer made this model But if I had his engine repaired he’d be going at full throttle The trusty mechanics worked day and night To ensure that his engine was running just right They polished his body, now you should see it shine He’s back to how he was now his motor is just fine!!! If I’d trawled the showrooms would I want to replace The one who’d stuck by me and kept a smile on my face I’ve no wish to trade him in or keep him as a spare After many years together there’s bound to be wear and tear! FUN FICTION WRITE FOR THE CONTEST! IF I SHOPPED FOR MY SPOUSE LIKE I SHOP FOR MY AUTOMOBILE CONTEST Sponsored by Cindi Rockwell

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme | |

THE AGING PROCESS

Many years ago, when we were all young,
We really thought life, would be so much fun.
While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
“Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
That’s something I swore, I would never do.

Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
That is how little, we all had known,
We surely found out, once we were grown.

Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
Watch what you wish for, my parents had said.
We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
I guess they were right, what more can I say?

Raising your children, was hardest of all,
Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
So now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor.
Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
You searched here and there, and under the bed,
“Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
You are retired; your work is all done.
To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
They never show up, you have the wrong date.

Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
If only you could, remember their names.
You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
Gravity happens, and everything sags.

Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
All the steps you took, led down a new path.
Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
One thing is for sure, everyone will age.

Copyright © Kelly Zakerski | Year Posted 2009

Details | Limerick | |

Mary Ann's Age-Old Excuse

Mary Ann had a boyfriend that she 
gave affection and great loyalty.
Since the age of sixteen
no one else had she seen
but she wanted more at thirty-three!

Her boyfriend, of course, had it made
since regularly, he would get laid.
So excuses he gave
when Mary Ann would rave
about marriage. . . and  unwed they stayed.

Getting pregnant was her coup d'etat 
when she said, “You will soon be a pa!”
She said, “Furthermore, Bruce,
I don’t need an excuse.
In my mind we’re a pair - common-law!”


For Black Eyed Susan's Excuses Poetry Contest

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2012

Details | Sonnet | |

SOME SIGNS THAT I'M GETTING OLD

My beautiful hair is now turning grey - a sign of age that I cannot deny. But I’ll fight it until my dying day … I have huge stocks of my titian hair dye! My waterworks don’t behave as they should, I laugh or sneeze and I dribble some wee. Pelvic exercises don’t do much good - I wear ‘Depends’ pads that no one can see! My memory is now getting quite bad I repeat words, I repeat words I say. As long as I live I’ll be very glad … until they carry my coffin away! Failing health and faculties, are my fears I may live to regret my twilight years! A fictional write – I am admitting to nothing apart from dyeing my hair !!! Which of the four would you choose Contest Sponsored by Sara Kendrick 08~21~16

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme | |

Fake Words

Fake Words – Zamreen Zarook

God have given us mouth,
Not to speak to north and south,
Tongue is given under an oath,
So it’s our duty to protect them both.

Girls chat fake with boys,
Having a notion that the boys are toys,
They often make varied noise,
Thinking to keep a trap on handsome guys.

Boys are also human being,
So it’s not possible being clean,
Things varies in the way they are seen,
So positive thinking will make you keen.

Boys’ minds are pure,
As it is pure bio,
So don’t try to pour vino,
Which will take decades to get cure.

Copyright © Zamreen Zarook | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme | |

The Happy Dress

It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative 
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.

So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened.  “Ta Da!  Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked?  Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.

You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.

It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”

“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.

So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.

She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open.  “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”

ALTERNATE LAST VERSE

“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

Why do we have to grow up Huh

When I was just a baby
Many years ago
I was so agile I could even suck my toe
Now I have trouble lifting up a cup
Oh how I hate growing up!.

When you'r a child everyone smiles at you
And say's ''awe, aren't you cute''
Bur now your an adult
Your as cute and popular
As an old worn out boot.

When your a kid
and lose a tooth
You put it under your pillow
And in the morning you find a quid
But now  it's something you cannot do
Because you have to put your teeth into chew.

I suppose being an adult has it's advantages
You don't get ring worm nits and puppy fat 
But why did I have to grow up
It wasn't in my plan
It just happened
And now I'm a man
Damn!!.



Petwr Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.

Copyright © Peter Dome | Year Posted 2014

Details | Haiku | |

Cold, Flexible Steel

A serial of haikus, all addressing the same topic with 
a hint of humor; but advice that could save your life
or that of a loved one.  New to PoetrySoup, so I hope 
I'm not "out of order" with this submission or topic. 


Cold, flexible steel
Probing my dignity...
Colonoscopy.

This “simple” exam
“…could prevent cancer.” they say.
Colonoscopy.

We all have to die,
But not from colon cancer.
Colonoscopy.

There's a downside tho’.
“Yuk! That, nasty brown liquid.”
Colonoscopy.

“But boy, does it work...
Work and work and work some more. 
Colonoscopy.

Baring your buttocks...
In a fetal position;
Colonoscopy. 

“No polyps", they say.
There are no malignancies.
Colonoscopy.

Your colon’s okay.
It’s five years until your next...
Colonoscopy.

Want some peace of mind?
Insurance may pay for it.
Colonoscopy. 

One “simple” exam
Can provide that peace of mind.
Colonoscopy.

You might save your life.
Over 45?  Do it!
Colonoscopy.

Cold, flexible steel.
On the other hand, what if…
Something else kills you?

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Gregorian Chant Rap

Mozart composed the Jazz of his day,
Bach could Rock in the same way,
Music is music,
Melodies mimic,
Young tunes turn classical fogies’ heads gray.

Copyright © Chaim Wilson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Concrete | |

DISTURBED CREATURE- Am I

A poem wrote by me, based on Person who is a deserving icon but still struggling hard with his career life and addressed as disturbed creature.

DISTURBED CREATURE--> Am I ??       BY Mrs.Madhavi Suyog Pagare

Am I so insane, Am I so mad,
Dramatic mood of mine is so die hard.
Destroyed my peace, Shattering my dreams,
People call me as disturbed creature.
As like mounting the pain, attenuating the drain!!

Digesting my feelings lying inside me,
Strangely nobody cared, call me sick.
Teasing me lavishly and my heart is pricked,
Hurted me like hell when addressed me as stupid.
As like showering rain, missing on the lane!!

Time lapse in journey of life,
Can hamper anybody on its path.
When I see innate reflex of mine,
I always use to brightly shine.
Though possessing every job attributes of mine,
I never thought the authorities will ditch and hamper my career line.
Falsely acting bloody swine, making my image as fade as wine.
As like affecting harmonious divine, my soul was, as is transparently pristine!!

Destroying me and testing my patience, Never wanna give up.
Transformed deviations, wanna rightly screw up.
I wanna raise up, I wanna shake up.
I wanna wake up, Tranquilize my mind.
Unzip the professional life compressed by the culprits.
Wanna explore myself, driving the motivated heights of journey.
Lastly waiting for the optimistic opportunity.
Cuffing the suspect ,I wanna rejoice by my pattern of life!! 

with Suyog Pagare

Copyright © Madhavi Sarjare pagare | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

Laughter lines

I look in the mirror
In the morning
I look rough
Smeared make up from yesterday
Hair all over the place
Tumbling down my shoulders
Unorganised, tangled, knotted

I study my reflection
I have lines on my face
Each tell a story
One for each of my children born
One for each grandchild too
Joy and happiness etched onto my face
More apparent when I smile

There are also lines of sorrow
One for each loved one mourned
Another for each heart break felt
And all the times I cried
My face paints a picture
Of a life lived well and full
A life of love and loss
But more laughter than tears I hope

I have a face which displays emotion
No creams or potions I need
My face is mine 
I own it
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Why not my life on my face?
And add to it as the years go by

So now I look in the mirror
My face smiles back at me 
Because we both know
That love and loss, sorrow and joy
Are all part of life
As are laughter lines on your face
Wear them with pride
Take what life gives
And smile at yourself
You are real

Copyright © Sarah Bryant | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme | |

Growing Old Disgracefully

Getting old is no fun believe me - I thought it would just be a breeze
But now I have to wear 'tena ladies' cos I leak when I cough, laugh or sneeze
My husband now uses Viagra - I steal one when he doesn't see
Slip one in my first morning cuppa, stops my biscuits going soft in my tea
No longer have boobies like 'Jordan' they've drooped, sagged and gone south
It doesn't stop me from smiling, gleaming dentures are fixed in my mouth
I need glasses to find my glasses - they were sitting on top of my head
I've forgotten to turn on my hearing aid so I can't hear a darn word that you've said
I think someone said my memory is fading , That is a load of old tosh
No I haven't got a beer belly, My trousers shrank in the wash

19th May 2014
Written by Jan Allison & Darren Watson
~ submitted to  ‘ Birthday and Aging Contest’ ~
Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire’

Copyright © JADAZZLE UNITED | Year Posted 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Thank you Einstein

                              A wrinkle upon my face
                              make up I apply with haste
                              A board in place of my bra
                              forget going to the spa 
                              dry frizzy hair what a waste.


                    Einstein Quote: "I never think of the future.
                                            It comes soon enough."
             5th Place   T Reams

           Contest sponsored by: Thomas Martin 'Humorous Poetry'  
                   4/19/2015

Copyright © TAMMY REAMS | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme | |

The Score

A very rich old man, still handsome in his way,
Was in New York’s most exclusive jewelry store,
Paying over nine thousand dollars for a gem-encrusted necklace.
‘Thank you so much, Mr. Didwell.  Will there be anything more?”

Beside the old man was an ethereal young beauty,
A body made for sin and a most angelic face.
Her sweet giggle was a lilting song of innocence.
Only such a necklace could match her natural grace.

“Oh Pookie, you’re just too, too sweet.”
She kissed his cheek. “You’re just so good to me.”
Then she purred, “And I want to be good to you.
Just you wait ‘til we get home…you’ll see.”

The old man winked at the salesman,
Knowing that he knew the “score.”
“Oh Sweet Thing, you’re already good to this old man.
You’re worth all I give and so much more.”

She danced on air as they left the store.
They crawled into his limo, and as it pulled away,
The old man turned to his young beauty and said,
“Sweet Thing, there’s something I must ask today.

If I lost everything, if I wasn’t rich any more,
Would you still love me as I love you?”
“Oh Pookie, you know I would;
And I would miss you too.”

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Narrative | |

Pee-Pee Retention



When I was younger and I thought of old age Thought we all became senile at this elderly stage It appears I was wrong, I can still go potty And able to dress this tired old body Try as I might, I don't see very well And my wobbly old legs are as shaky as hell Sometimes my words come out like a squeak Other times I whistle whenever I speak Have a secret to tell you my young whipper snappers It's as good as it gets except for my bladder It seems to be constantly wanting attention I don't have a problem with pee-pee retention So now that I've told you guys what to expect I must tell you all it's as good as it gets Enjoy your youth cause it's downhill from here You'll soon be old and decrepit I fear © Jack Ellison 2015

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme | |

The Perils of Getting Old


I’m getting older - this fact I cannot deny Not quite ready for the scrap heap or to give up life and die My body isn’t quite the same; my boobies have gone south But I keep on smiling with gleaming dentures in my mouth Got a spare tyre round my middle now, I really need berating Get a bit more exercise - soon the tyre will be deflating My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday I rely on Tena ladies now in case I dribble pee Sneezing, coughing and laughing can cause a little wee My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday I have three pairs of glasses now as my eyesight is getting poor I forget where I have put them – then I find them on the floor My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday My hearing is it is going too, I don’t hear what you say I need to buy a hearing aid but I’m putting off that day My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday My once brown hair is going grey and now I’ve hit the dye I colour it quite regularly you can guess the reason why My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday My joints creak and ache and they really need a rub I must buy some more Radox and put it in my bath tub My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say My short-term memory is going I forget what I do or say I need to remember things I have forgotten since yesterday 21st March 2014 Submitted to 101 in a row contest #5 sponsored by PD Linda:-) Written from observation and experience … but I’m not admitting to anything!!! NB: UK Spelling of TYRE has been used

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

39A to 39Z

When I was young, I noticed
Many adults stopped aging at 39.
Had something to do with Jack Benny
And trying to hold back time.
 
Then I noticed something else.
They often spoke of retiring at 65,
And many of them seemed to hope
They might still be alive.
 
The difference came to 26, 
A number I knew very well.
The number of letters in the alphabet
We use to print and write and spell.

Then it occurred to me,
For folks holding youth so dear,
Just add a letter to 39
Each and every year.
 
39A would be 40,
39Z would be 65.
After that, start letters over again
Or just be glad you’re still alive.
 
So, you see, it’s easy
To forever be 39.
You may fool yourself & others, 
But you can’t fool Father Time.

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Narrative | |

A Hidden Tattoo



What makes us sluggish, unable to get moving It's something to do with low pressure Known to cause problems in migraine sufferers Unavoidable, can't change the weather Happily I can say I'm not one of those sufferers But I sure can sympathize, my friends Other than a few minor muscle aches and pains With this ailment I don't have to contend Throughout my life I've been free of major ailments My ten fingers and ten toes are all crossed Whatever's ahead I'll have a hard time accepting Must be brave and strong at all costs It's never been a topic we like to discuss When we're young and our life's on a roll But lately the subject's been foremost on my mind Guess my age is finally taking it's toll As the old saying goes, “what will be will be” The time frame is not usually up to us Unless we determine we can't take it any more And decide we've had quite enough I don't recommend taking the cowards way out Hang in there and see the thing through Perhaps Nicole Kidman wants to feel your body And show you her hidden tattoo!!! © Jack Ellison 2015

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015

Details | Alliteration | |

PETER PIPER - PICKPOCKET

Perhaps Peter Piper did not pick a peck of pickled peppers,
Perchance Peter purloined them.

Peter's pretext for pickled peppers puts people at ease,
Pickpocket's ploy personified.

Personalizing praise for Peter's pesky presumption,
People put Peter's penchant for peppers praiseworthy.

Perhaps, Peter pretended to pick the peck of pickled peppers,
People should portend where Peter put the peck he picked.

Peter passed plenty of peppers to people,
Personifying Peter and his peck.

Prided peppers purloined or in a pepper peck,
Peter put in his pants pockets.

Copyright © Dan Cwiak | Year Posted 2016

Details | Senryu | |

Aging

As you get older,
Deny the reality
That everything sags!

Copyright © Mark J. Halliday | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

AGEING

**** please note British spelling of ageing used **** If the truth is told I’m getting old - Of that there’s no denying Grey hairs appear upon my head I dye them, I’m not lying My memory is not what it once was I keep forgetting what I have said I keep forgetting what I have said Got wrinkles and lines around my mouth My boobies sadly they have gone south Thankfully all my teeth are still my own, A denture smile has not yet grown I’m lucky I’m slim and don’t have to watch my weight Got my pile of vitamin pills they dominate my plate I wear glasses for my eyesight, they help me to see Alas, when I can’t find them I say oh deary me BUT they’re perched on my head – oh pity me My memory is not what it once was I keep forgetting what I have said I keep forgetting what I have said Still it’s not yet time for the scrap heap for me Now I simply curl up, pen a poem and drink a cup of tea A tongue in cheek write - or is it … 17th August 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick | |

THE BELLS THE BELLS

An ancient tone-deaf vicar named Fred His parishioners he loved to wed When he starts to sing The bells they would ring… For his voice would awaken the dead! Jan Allison 7th April 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

Details | Limerick | |

It Was One Of Those Mornings


Bad Morning

It was one of those mornings’,  she said
Going to work found my battery dead
Bus pass expired
Yep, I got fired
My gosh, why didn’t I just stay in bed!

Good Morning

I woke up this morning, aint it just great?
When you get older can’t tell your fate…
Jump out of bed
Great day ahead
Gotta go, “Healthy Aging” class at eight!

3/18/16

Copyright © Barbara Gorelick | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse | |

They're out there

They’re out there in their walkers timeless stalkers shuffling along uncharted seas, smiling at the commonplace, frowning at the wind. Grey clouds of drifting age content to meet old shadows holding court on park bench seat, practicing the principles of peace. gazing at a future now in reach. Do a little shuffle dance, kick a stone, blow a kiss to memory and walk alone, know the joy of aging’s antics because it’s either this or ceramics. John G. Lawless 11/17/2015

Copyright © John lawless | Year Posted 2015

Details | Couplet | |

Eve

Only Eve is a madam, 
who is known from Adam.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014

Copyright © Volodymyr Knyr | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rispetto | |

I'M A 8

A year has passed I’m looking so much older 
Bottom is huge and my boobies have gone south 
Got an aching back and pain in my shoulder 
Need anti ageing cream for lines round my mouth 
Have to wear glasses and use my hearing aid
Now I have dentures, my real teeth have decayed
I may dribble some wee when I laugh or sneeze 
This ageing process it sure isn’t a breeze 

Form: Rispetto – scheme ababccdd
Syllable counter from Poetry Soup used  - 11 syllables per line 
Contest: Tell me your number
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Birthday 25th January  2 + 5 + 1 = 8 ...my number is 8
~awarded 2nd place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

Details | Quatrain | |

Oh The Female Form



Is it just me or do all old guys drool At the sight of every young chickie Could it be I'm a perverted old geezer Or normal but no longer picky Once thought I was quite sophisticated With very discerning tastes and all But the older I get, the less picky I am Probably need a complete overhaul Don't go calling me a nasty old pervert Females were meant to be admired I'm sure they're totally aware of this fact By some of their provocative attire Sure not complaining, trust me on this Wouldn't have it any other way Just to ogle these beauties walking by Brightens up the dullest of days Not a pervert, just a healthy old male Enjoying the finer things in life The female form in all it's perfection Counteracts all of life's strife © Jack Ellison 2014

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Fighting The Age Battle

Although I vowed it wouldn’t happen,
Age is creeping up on me.
All my friends are now great-grandmas.
I don’t know how that can be.

My beautician and I decided 
To stop coloring my hair.
We had both of us forgotten
What shade was hiding under there.

Imagine her excitement 
And indeed my great dismay
That what ever hue had been there
Had completely gone away.  

Now my friends are sympathetic.
They think I must have had a fright,
And it was so terrifying
It turned my hair white over night.

Written 3/27/13

Copyright © Joyce Johnson | Year Posted 2013

Details | Limerick | |

Age softens

There once was a  Scotch lassie called Sturgeon
Who ,in her youth ,was quite a curmudgeon
But now that she's grown
No more does she moan
And her nature is starting to burgeon.

Copyright © denis bruce | Year Posted 2015