I am a coward with open sores.
I write and wonder who it bores.
I hear my heart and mind argue repeatedly.
I see others carrying out my dreams;
that’s what’s defeated me.
I am a coward with open sores.
I pretend open doors are closed, and walk the other way.
I touch base with the fear in my heart, tearing me apart,
leaving nothing to say...
I worry the world will leave me.
I cry because no one believes in me.
I am a coward with open sores.
I understand nothing comes easy.
I say I’m happy, but even I don’t believe me.
I dream I am healed and brave.
I try to overcome my weaknesses before I’m in my grave.
I hope you hear me.
I’m on all fours.
I am a coward with open sores.
© 2011 ~JSLaM
* 1st PLACE in Contest "MARCH MADNESS" Sponsored by C. Devonshire 2011
* 1st PLACE in Contest "ONE OFF" Sponsored by Brian Strand 5/11/2011
* 1st PLACE in Contest "BEST EVER" Sponsored by P.D. 2011
Captivated by the rising tide, alone she stood
On a solemn piece of rock. The darkness
Lingered over; correcting her daylight.
Death in its inevitability took the form of ocean.
Amidst the fleeting light, an absence and
Neglect writhed behind her eyes,
Draining her malevolence, turning it to fear.
A tapestry of thought weaved onto her shoulder,
Lethargy strained through her. Never fighting the
Overpowering desire to sleep. One foot first,
Never look back, for the
End, is here.
The ambient glow of the fireplace becomes hypnotic.
Home alone, always, without true love to snuggle me.
Each of many pains of night makes my mind neurotic.
Pathetic it may seem for a young and beautiful girl.
Alone again after years of searching; life becomes a whirl.
Incessant longing gnaws away at self-control.
Night brings its darkness to the weariness of my soul.
Satan takes a grip upon my sanity; I am no longer whole.
Oh, that I could find true love and live a life of joy.
Forever, I live searching, only to be someone’s toy.
Night without you, my true love, is a lonely curse.
If only I could find you, whoever you are, wherever you are.
Grateful love, come; I beg you and quench my thirst.
Heaven is but a thought away…as is suicide.
Touch me with your warmth; Save me and let love abide.
Where is the dream that I dreamt as a child.
I never knew that the world could be so wild.
Today is just one step in eternity, but forever alone.
How can I face another day; I know not!
Over and over the thoughts circulate in my mind.
Utter self-destructions seeming the only solution.
Then, I fear the great and dreadful consequence.
To live eternity alone would be unbearable.
Reality visits at the break of dawn, briefly.
Underneath these fancy clothes lies a broken heart.
Each day takes me to a new horizon…until night.
Loneliness tortures me; at dark I am immobile.
Oh, the pains of night without true love destroy.
Vitality sinks into Satan’s sullen ship; sips sorrows.
Everything seems lost, but I pray for true love, tomorrow.
Copyright March 8, 2015
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: The Pain of Night
Sponsored by Tammy Reams
Inspiration for Hatred Bleeds From Her Discourse,
Rewriting What She Once knew - Tenacious Factuality -
Revelation of Consciousness Leaves Her Domain Bare.
Even as Her Fingers Silk Through The Light, She Recieves no Solace;
Voicing The Silent Echoes That Cascade Within Her.
Often, now, Her mind Breathes only condemnation - A Twisted Mockery -
Captivated By The Depravity of Her Own lucid Creation
Ability to align-star-crossed, Unfortunate Function Does Not Constitute Existence.
Beneath Perpetual Masochism Dawns The Remnants of Her Hope,
Liar, You Never Knew what Lurked behind Your own Putrid Assumptions.
Erase This Memory By All Means, Watch The letters Burn into The Sky.
- Watch Her Burn into The Sky -
Derision Powers his Desire to Repair His
Torn Status Amongst Societies Cruel Structure.
Ten Years of Relentless Torture. Sharpens the Mind.
The Kindred Spirit of Hope Relieves him of Pressure
-He'll Eat The Flesh of Those Who are Not Through Living -
Dazed, Yet More Observant of Life Than Those Who breathe.
Berated and Shunned, They Would Tear at his Clothes.
Tensing His Muscles, he took Their Blows of Malevolence,
He Aspired to Die, His Dream, A Haven of Blackness Free From
The Never Ending Torment Which Ruled His Existence so Strictly.
He'll Set Himself on Fire and He'll Burn. He'll Burn Right into The Ground.
1 - 1 - 1
1 - 2 - 2
1 - 3 - 3
1 - 4 - 4
1 - 5 - 5
1 - 6 - 6
2 - 1 - 1
2 - 2 - 2
2 - 3 - 3
2 - 4 - 4
2 - 5 - 5
Depression, it’s not just in your head,
Enslaving your soul, “I’d be better off dead.”
Poisoning your attitude
Retarding your mood.
Solitude replaces laughter,
Sailing out into the sea of tears,
In my head, I scream, but no one cares,
On and on I scream, no one hears,
Not a soul, my pleas fall on deaf ears.
L-iving in a world of vast
souls formed from
another voided world,
E-ntering thru portals
from their world to earth.
O-ozing spetacular smell
and wail when the chips
N-urtured from cradle to
entity with a new world
O-rganizes oneself for the
task ahead,passing thru
hurdles of life unabased
R-eaps the fruit of labor
with joy or heavy heart.
A-ge sets in,mission
accomplished or not will
dawn on the entity.
I-n retrospect,he thinks
about his childhood and
how life was to him.
L-iving in confidence or
shame,he bows his head
in victory or defeat.
O-nly the taste of time
will tell the durability of
V-oid of preference the
aim result bears the
foundation for his lineage.
E-njoyment or lack lies
with the works of the
man,for there is no food
for the slothful.
Y-oung ones,a stitch in
time saves nine,make
haste while the sun
O-iling your lamb always
like the ten virgins is the
key to success.
U-rging you to shun peer
pressure and focus on
the course marked out
for you by fate,so a
fulfilled life you shall live.
An acrostic for you
E_ emotinal outburst
M_ mentally decompensated
E_ emtionally driven
R_ room 21
E_ enter the white coat
N_ nurse with pills
C_ Cody already passed out asleep
Y_ youthful love gone bad
R_ restraint bed
O_ open door _guards
O_ opportunity for change
M_ mental health gone bad~tragic
(Spent the day at the emergency
room with Cody..They sent him
to a crisis center...Here we go
again with mental health visits
I s a child to be heard?
N o one answers, as usual. The silence is slowly killing me.
S orrow, misunderstanding and these mourning memories,
I s this the way it is supposed to be? Since that fateful day, I have been a
G irl, lost in a whirl of tragic past, calamitous present and the fear of having no future,
N ever have I known what "family", "friends" or "fiends" mean, for
I have never made or heard of any.
F or I am thirteen, just as inconsequential as a dwarf planet, amongst boundless galaxies.
I live in misery, why won't anyone listen to me? I may be young, but I
C an converse, listen and see, and I
A m as normal as you are. So why
N ot give me a chance to prove myself?
C an you ever give me a listening
E ar? Is a child to be heard?
Emotional scars that never heal
All too soon the colorful spectacular disappears.
Under the soggy leaves, lies the dormant grass.
Too soon the blue skies have turned to grey.
United is the wind with cold.
Memories of summer slowly fade away.
Now we will wait for the snow.
Pretty pink pansies soothe searing souls; seek them; take walks.
Offerings of friendship to another can distract depressive thoughts; open your heart.
Evoking visions of amusing moments, absorb melancholy; envision funny times.
Talk about something else, like tantalizing taste buds, instead of tumbling into misery.
Depression debilitates, destroys, discourages, and devours; design a pleasure plan.
Escape the misery; elevate merriment with music; sing and dance.
Serenity takes practice; so get started; find a serene spot in a garden; watch for sparkles.
Take time to pamper yourself; go to the spa or read a good book; relish positives.
Relax at home or sit in a mall and watch the world go by; DO NOT SHOP!
Overspending can lead to deeper depression; develop internal joys one thought at a time.
Yesterday is gone. So, forget about it. Today is a new day; make a fresh start.
Everything has a time and a season; trusting in God can help with anticipation anxiety.
Remember to grow and learn from every life experience both positive and negative.
After all, we are privileged to be on Earth where we can learn and grow, each day.
Never give up on yourself, no matter what; forgive yourself for mistakes; stay strong.
Determine to succeed at gladness; replace sad thoughts with happy ones…intentionally.
Demons can creep into one’s life; be sure to replace them with Heavenly hosts;
Enrich your soul with scripture study and silent prayers; find fellowship.
“Pretty is as pretty does,” was a common saying back in the day; see your prettiness.
Remember that raindrops refresh all living things; let some fall on your face.
Exuberantly laugh as the wetness drips onto your tongue; breathe deeply, slowly.
Sunshine follows the rain both in nature and in life. Remember, depression will pass.
Seek your own path; one that holds your happiness, stay on that path, strongly.
Individual self-worth is a way of thinking; pick positive worthy people for friends.
Overcome depression one day at a time, one thought at a time, effervescently.
Now is the time to embark on your happy future, feel better soon…lovingly.
December 9, 2014
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Fighting Depression (poems for PD)
Sponsor Shadow Hamilton
M oment by moment the hours tick by,
I n each one I wonder and ask myself why,
S ince you have left me I feel so alone,
S o utterly empty when I should have known,
I nviting you into my heart wasn#t wise,
N ot when I knew you had other ties,
G one now the laughter of warm Summer days,
Y ou took them all with you, not wanting to stay.
O nly you coulld get under my skin like you did.
U ntil you came along I was just a big kid.
T hen I met you and everything changed,
E xcept for the fact that you were estranged,
R ecently leaving a home and a wife,
R evealing to me you still wanted that life.
I n all that you said and all that you did,
B ut I wanted you so I put in my bid,
L ike a fool I gambled my all and I lost,
Y ou were honest with me and well worth the cost.
Don't ever let yourself get caught up in an affair.
When it's over it's just not worth the pain and embarrassment.
If someone is married they are off limits and if you are married you are not free to sample the other stuff out there.
You could lose everything for a cheap, very temporary thrill.
Let cooler heads prevail and don't let your loins think for you.
This poem was written to convey this message.
It is , however pure fiction so don't feel sorry for me. ;)
For Aye, Aye And A Mistress Contest by Debbie Guzzi
Twisting the Misery around his Finger,
He walks to an isolated place.
Embedding his Heels into Sand, Carefully He
Offers himself to the Earth.
Lucid, Nostalgic Perfumes of a
Deceased Love Permeate his senses.
Meagrely He closes his eyes,
Night time captures the Sun and
Sinks into Sand. Darkness,
Like Liquid it Slips under the Surface
Engulfing the Labyrinth of Light,
Eating the morning hue, turning it to mist.
Peace is With Him, For Now, He
He Strains Against The Undying Bonds of Life,
Empties Himself to The World and Contemplates,
Swift, Agonising, Masochistic Blood Lust. - The
Grains in His Hourglass Glowed a Tempestuous,
Ominous Black. - It's Almost Over Now. -
Ink Blots Stain his Intellect, and Form
Neat Circles of Venom, Tightly Coiled around The
Greying Matter of His Slow, Ceasing Bone Cage.
Trials of Time Pull Gravity Tighter: He Fights to
Overcome the Weight, Struggling Indefinitely To
Keep his Confident Frame. He Begins to
Indulge Selfishly Within The Realms of His Own
Lucid Creation. - This is Real - Crystal Clear
Liquid Seeps Over his Feet - It Has to be Real. -
Holding his Love above Fear He Sinks his
Indigo Hands Into Flesh, Beyond the
Meat, and Far Beyond the Putrid Violent
Stench of His Mindset. This all has to
End. He Draws his Ultimate Inhalation, and
Looking Into the Back of His Head, He
Intricacies, delicately and poignantly
Shroud themselves, taking
Only his sanity and rationality.
Living on the edge of chaos,
And sinking his broken
Teeth into this life... He makes his
Could I not see such ugly drawn out choices.
Hollow I feel such nothing for people it is fear that feeds me.
Alone in this forsaken world with nothing to accept.
Order is such pain that it is nothing but chains.
Souls that bare nothing but lost cause to confusion is such utter mistakes.
P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
Though I have fallen to the end,
Hell on earth can not break, nor kill,
Even the weak part of my will,
Since my will will not break nor bend.
Others tried to act like my friends,
Until asked to pick up the bill,
Not willing, nor able, to fill
Desired roles that help and mend.
Giving everything I gave,
Allowed you to take what I own.
Roads to the underworld were paved,
Destroying the hope that was shown.
Eternity will not have slaves;
Not until the outside is blown.
Down in the dumps
Except when fixated on
Pen and paper to produce a
Rhyming (or not) mental diversion
Essential to the
Soul's seasoning that
Into the ether the dark mood
Out into the light of
Nature's muse of hope.
Assignment for Constance on how
poetry can heal depression
If you don't eat, you're anorexic if you do eat, you're a fat ass.
If you don't wear makeup, you're ugly. If you wear makeup, you're a fake.
If you're loud, you're annoying; if you're quiet, you're weird.
If you're good in school, you're smart; if you say something wrong, you're stupid.
If you take pictures, you're an attention-whore; if you don't stalk your friends you're not cool.
If you wear sweats, you're underdressed; if you wear a dress, you're overdressed.
If you don't have boobs, no guys like you; if you have boobs, they're fake.
If you don't have a boyfriend, you're a loser; if you have one, he's cheating on you.
You tell us to be who we are but then you go and judge us about it. So now, do you see how hard it is for us to just be ourselves?
Nadir of this momentous year is reached.
Ominous opaque shapes shift in tightly locked rooms;
valediction of autumn's colour-crackling leaves.
Encroaching shadows approach with soot-soft stealth,
mysteriously merging, emerging from clouded corners -
bleak charcoal smudges menacing in murky light.
Endless darkness unravelling all around me;
rooms in my mind painted every shade of night.
Whispering heartache unfolds in torture
Incisions decorate the outside of you
See the river of lost hope unfold in a pond of red
How many will know you are dead
That a shadow will soon dissect it
At just the right angle.
This lonesome man wonders
Did mr. Williams see it coming?
Or was it more of an illusion
As it may sometimes seem..
I think he grasped it
Because it's beacon was so eternal
And I think his recourse,
Like an artist,
Will continue to fall at
The feet of those
That will learn the distance
Between shadow and light.
RIP Robin Williams. We miss u!
O ut of control
I t shouldn't have happened
L ots of destruction
S hame on BP
P lease stop this disaster
I irrate and upset
L ots is at stake
L oss of God's creations
Menaced by a triumphant chanting of lament
Entrancing the soul of Hades’ kin
Missed eruptions of the sensory nerves
Onomatopoeic of hollow gongs
Resonating, maimed through the indescribable facets of
Your forgotten youth.
Adjudged 3rd Place in Black Eyed Susan's Acrostic Contest
The woven fabric of my life for years has only known such strife.
An empty pocket with no hope.
Put the last knot on the rope.
Edging toward the final ledge.
Still hoping for a bet to hedge.
The clock is ticking loud and clear.
Reminding me the time is near.
Yet leaves me wondering,who will shed a tear?
For Carol's Acrostic contest.
Before I go, please know it was for the best that I do this.
Explain to me first why are you giving up?
Frantic decisions are destroying any hope I have for us.
Or is this not my fault?
Really think about it and be honest.
Eternity can be ended with four simple words.
I don't love you
Don't give up on me, please listen to the truth first.
I swear I love you and I always will.
Eliminate any anger and accept that we were both wrong and realize you do love me...before I die.
Left behind without a friend.
Only to have to face the end.
So lonely here all by myself.
The dust is thick up on the shelf.
Severely damaged, alone and burned.
On a journey where nothing's learned.
Until the dusk swallow's me whole.
Living my life while I lost my soul.
For the acrostic contest.
P roblems there are so many for everyone
R ealize and accept that this is life
O bviously we all have them sometimes
B elive that you can manage them all
L et no trials and problems steal your joy
E ndure them and have Faith,Hope and Trust
M anage your problems and just trust God
S mall or big problems won't last,hand them all to God each time
Dorian Petersen Potter