I am a coward with open sores.
I write and wonder who it bores.
I hear my heart and mind argue repeatedly.
I see others carrying out my dreams;
that’s what’s defeated me.
I am a coward with open sores.
I pretend open doors are closed, and walk the other way.
I touch base with the fear in my heart, tearing me apart,
leaving nothing to say...
I worry the world will leave me.
I cry because no one believes in me.
I am a coward with open sores.
I understand nothing comes easy.
I say I’m happy, but even I don’t believe me.
I dream I am healed and brave.
I try to overcome my weaknesses before I’m in my grave.
I hope you hear me.
I’m on all fours.
I am a coward with open sores.
© 2011 ~JSLaM
* 1st PLACE in Contest "MARCH MADNESS" Sponsored by C. Devonshire 2011
* 1st PLACE in Contest "ONE OFF" Sponsored by Brian Strand 5/11/2011
* 1st PLACE in Contest "BEST EVER" Sponsored by P.D. 2011
Captivated by the rising tide, alone she stood
On a solemn piece of rock. The darkness
Lingered over; correcting her daylight.
Death in its inevitability took the form of ocean.
Amidst the fleeting light, an absence and
Neglect writhed behind her eyes,
Draining her malevolence, turning it to fear.
A tapestry of thought weaved onto her shoulder,
Lethargy strained through her. Never fighting the
Overpowering desire to sleep. One foot first,
Never look back, for the
End, is here.
Inspiration for Hatred Bleeds From Her Discourse,
Rewriting What She Once knew - Tenacious Factuality -
Revelation of Consciousness Leaves Her Domain Bare.
Even as Her Fingers Silk Through The Light, She Recieves no Solace;
Voicing The Silent Echoes That Cascade Within Her.
Often, now, Her mind Breathes only condemnation - A Twisted Mockery -
Captivated By The Depravity of Her Own lucid Creation
Ability to align-star-crossed, Unfortunate Function Does Not Constitute Existence.
Beneath Perpetual Masochism Dawns The Remnants of Her Hope,
Liar, You Never Knew what Lurked behind Your own Putrid Assumptions.
Erase This Memory By All Means, Watch The letters Burn into The Sky.
- Watch Her Burn into The Sky -
Derision Powers his Desire to Repair His
Torn Status Amongst Societies Cruel Structure.
Ten Years of Relentless Torture. Sharpens the Mind.
The Kindred Spirit of Hope Relieves him of Pressure
-He'll Eat The Flesh of Those Who are Not Through Living -
Dazed, Yet More Observant of Life Than Those Who breathe.
Berated and Shunned, They Would Tear at his Clothes.
Tensing His Muscles, he took Their Blows of Malevolence,
He Aspired to Die, His Dream, A Haven of Blackness Free From
The Never Ending Torment Which Ruled His Existence so Strictly.
He'll Set Himself on Fire and He'll Burn. He'll Burn Right into The Ground.
1 - 1 - 1
1 - 2 - 2
1 - 3 - 3
1 - 4 - 4
1 - 5 - 5
1 - 6 - 6
2 - 1 - 1
2 - 2 - 2
2 - 3 - 3
2 - 4 - 4
2 - 5 - 5
L-iving in a world of vast
souls formed from
another voided world,
E-ntering thru portals
from their world to earth.
O-ozing spetacular smell
and wail when the chips
N-urtured from cradle to
entity with a new world
O-rganizes oneself for the
task ahead,passing thru
hurdles of life unabased
R-eaps the fruit of labor
with joy or heavy heart.
A-ge sets in,mission
accomplished or not will
dawn on the entity.
I-n retrospect,he thinks
about his childhood and
how life was to him.
L-iving in confidence or
shame,he bows his head
in victory or defeat.
O-nly the taste of time
will tell the durability of
V-oid of preference the
aim result bears the
foundation for his lineage.
E-njoyment or lack lies
with the works of the
man,for there is no food
for the slothful.
Y-oung ones,a stitch in
time saves nine,make
haste while the sun
O-iling your lamb always
like the ten virgins is the
key to success.
U-rging you to shun peer
pressure and focus on
the course marked out
for you by fate,so a
fulfilled life you shall live.
An acrostic for you
E_ emotinal outburst
M_ mentally decompensated
E_ emtionally driven
R_ room 21
E_ enter the white coat
N_ nurse with pills
C_ Cody already passed out asleep
Y_ youthful love gone bad
R_ restraint bed
O_ open door _guards
O_ opportunity for change
M_ mental health gone bad~tragic
(Spent the day at the emergency
room with Cody..They sent him
to a crisis center...Here we go
again with mental health visits
I s a child to be heard?
N o one answers, as usual. The silence is slowly killing me.
S orrow, misunderstanding and these mourning memories,
I s this the way it is supposed to be? Since that fateful day, I have been a
G irl, lost in a whirl of tragic past, calamitous present and the fear of having no future,
N ever have I known what "family", "friends" or "fiends" mean, for
I have never made or heard of any.
F or I am thirteen, just as inconsequential as a dwarf planet, amongst boundless galaxies.
I live in misery, why won't anyone listen to me? I may be young, but I
C an converse, listen and see, and I
A m as normal as you are. So why
N ot give me a chance to prove myself?
C an you ever give me a listening
E ar? Is a child to be heard?
Emotional scars that never heal
All too soon the colorful spectacular disappears.
Under the soggy leaves, lies the dormant grass.
Too soon the blue skies have turned to grey.
United is the wind with cold.
Memories of summer slowly fade away.
Now we will wait for the snow.
M oment by moment the hours tick by,
I n each one I wonder and ask myself why,
S ince you have left me I feel so alone,
S o utterly empty when I should have known,
I nviting you into my heart wasn#t wise,
N ot when I knew you had other ties,
G one now the laughter of warm Summer days,
Y ou took them all with you, not wanting to stay.
O nly you coulld get under my skin like you did.
U ntil you came along I was just a big kid.
T hen I met you and everything changed,
E xcept for the fact that you were estranged,
R ecently leaving a home and a wife,
R evealing to me you still wanted that life.
I n all that you said and all that you did,
B ut I wanted you so I put in my bid,
L ike a fool I gambled my all and I lost,
Y ou were honest with me and well worth the cost.
Don't ever let yourself get caught up in an affair.
When it's over it's just not worth the pain and embarrassment.
If someone is married they are off limits and if you are married you are not free to sample the other stuff out there.
You could lose everything for a cheap, very temporary thrill.
Let cooler heads prevail and don't let your loins think for you.
This poem was written to convey this message.
It is , however pure fiction so don't feel sorry for me. ;)
For Aye, Aye And A Mistress Contest by Debbie Guzzi
Twisting the Misery around his Finger,
He walks to an isolated place.
Embedding his Heels into Sand, Carefully He
Offers himself to the Earth.
Lucid, Nostalgic Perfumes of a
Deceased Love Permeate his senses.
Meagrely He closes his eyes,
Night time captures the Sun and
Sinks into Sand. Darkness,
Like Liquid it Slips under the Surface
Engulfing the Labyrinth of Light,
Eating the morning hue, turning it to mist.
Peace is With Him, For Now, He
Pretty pink pansies soothe searing souls; seek them; take walks.
Offerings of friendship to another can distract depressive thoughts; open your heart.
Evoking visions of amusing moments, absorb melancholy; envision funny times.
Talk about something else, like tantalizing taste buds, instead of tumbling into misery.
Depression debilitates, destroys, discourages, and devours; design a pleasure plan.
Escape the misery; elevate merriment with music; sing and dance.
Serenity takes practice; so get started; find a serene spot in a garden; watch for sparkles.
Take time to pamper yourself; go to the spa or read a good book; relish positives.
Relax at home or sit in a mall and watch the world go by; DO NOT SHOP!
Overspending can lead to deeper depression; develop internal joys one thought at a time.
Yesterday is gone. So, forget about it. Today is a new day; make a fresh start.
Everything has a time and a season; trusting in God can help with anticipation anxiety.
Remember to grow and learn from every life experience both positive and negative.
After all, we are privileged to be on Earth where we can learn and grow, each day.
Never give up on yourself, no matter what; forgive yourself for mistakes; stay strong.
Determine to succeed at gladness; replace sad thoughts with happy ones…intentionally.
Demons can creep into one’s life; be sure to replace them with Heavenly hosts;
Enrich your soul with scripture study and silent prayers; find fellowship.
“Pretty is as pretty does,” was a common saying back in the day; see your prettiness.
Remember that raindrops refresh all living things; let some fall on your face.
Exuberantly laugh as the wetness drips onto your tongue; breathe deeply, slowly.
Sunshine follows the rain both in nature and in life. Remember, depression will pass.
Seek your own path; one that holds your happiness, stay on that path, strongly.
Individual self-worth is a way of thinking; pick positive worthy people for friends.
Overcome depression one day at a time, one thought at a time, effervescently.
Now is the time to embark on your happy future, feel better soon…lovingly.
December 9, 2014
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Fighting Depression (poems for PD)
Sponsor Shadow Hamilton
He Strains Against The Undying Bonds of Life,
Empties Himself to The World and Contemplates,
Swift, Agonising, Masochistic Blood Lust. - The
Grains in His Hourglass Glowed a Tempestuous,
Ominous Black. - It's Almost Over Now. -
Ink Blots Stain his Intellect, and Form
Neat Circles of Venom, Tightly Coiled around The
Greying Matter of His Slow, Ceasing Bone Cage.
Trials of Time Pull Gravity Tighter: He Fights to
Overcome the Weight, Struggling Indefinitely To
Keep his Confident Frame. He Begins to
Indulge Selfishly Within The Realms of His Own
Lucid Creation. - This is Real - Crystal Clear
Liquid Seeps Over his Feet - It Has to be Real. -
Holding his Love above Fear He Sinks his
Indigo Hands Into Flesh, Beyond the
Meat, and Far Beyond the Putrid Violent
Stench of His Mindset. This all has to
End. He Draws his Ultimate Inhalation, and
Looking Into the Back of His Head, He
Intricacies, delicately and poignantly
Shroud themselves, taking
Only his sanity and rationality.
Living on the edge of chaos,
And sinking his broken
Teeth into this life... He makes his
Could I not see such ugly drawn out choices.
Hollow I feel such nothing for people it is fear that feeds me.
Alone in this forsaken world with nothing to accept.
Order is such pain that it is nothing but chains.
Souls that bare nothing but lost cause to confusion is such utter mistakes.
P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
Down in the dumps
Except when fixated on
Pen and paper to produce a
Rhyming (or not) mental diversion
Essential to the
Soul's seasoning that
Into the ether the dark mood
Out into the light of
Nature's muse of hope.
Assignment for Constance on how
poetry can heal depression
If you don't eat, you're anorexic if you do eat, you're a fat ass.
If you don't wear makeup, you're ugly. If you wear makeup, you're a fake.
If you're loud, you're annoying; if you're quiet, you're weird.
If you're good in school, you're smart; if you say something wrong, you're stupid.
If you take pictures, you're an attention-whore; if you don't stalk your friends you're not cool.
If you wear sweats, you're underdressed; if you wear a dress, you're overdressed.
If you don't have boobs, no guys like you; if you have boobs, they're fake.
If you don't have a boyfriend, you're a loser; if you have one, he's cheating on you.
You tell us to be who we are but then you go and judge us about it. So now, do you see how hard it is for us to just be ourselves?
Whispering heartache unfolds in torture
Incisions decorate the outside of you
See the river of lost hope unfold in a pond of red
How many will know you are dead
Nadir of this momentous year is reached.
Ominous opaque shapes shift in tightly locked rooms;
valediction of autumn's colour-crackling leaves.
Encroaching shadows approach with soot-soft stealth,
mysteriously merging, emerging from clouded corners -
bleak charcoal smudges menacing in murky light.
Endless darkness unravelling all around me;
rooms in my mind painted every shade of night.
O ut of control
I t shouldn't have happened
L ots of destruction
S hame on BP
P lease stop this disaster
I irrate and upset
L ots is at stake
L oss of God's creations
Menaced by a triumphant chanting of lament
Entrancing the soul of Hades’ kin
Missed eruptions of the sensory nerves
Onomatopoeic of hollow gongs
Resonating, maimed through the indescribable facets of
Your forgotten youth.
Adjudged 3rd Place in Black Eyed Susan's Acrostic Contest
That a shadow will soon dissect it
At just the right angle.
This lonesome man wonders
Did mr. Williams see it coming?
Or was it more of an illusion
As it may sometimes seem..
I think he grasped it
Because it's beacon was so eternal
And I think his recourse,
Like an artist,
Will continue to fall at
The feet of those
That will learn the distance
Between shadow and light.
RIP Robin Williams. We miss u!
The woven fabric of my life for years has only known such strife.
An empty pocket with no hope.
Put the last knot on the rope.
Edging toward the final ledge.
Still hoping for a bet to hedge.
The clock is ticking loud and clear.
Reminding me the time is near.
Yet leaves me wondering,who will shed a tear?
For Carol's Acrostic contest.
Left behind without a friend.
Only to have to face the end.
So lonely here all by myself.
The dust is thick up on the shelf.
Severely damaged, alone and burned.
On a journey where nothing's learned.
Until the dusk swallow's me whole.
Living my life while I lost my soul.
For the acrostic contest.
Frequently I find Myself Dwelling,
Amidst a Nightmare of Coral Cave
Light. Twisting and Writhing Towards
Lingering Freedom and Hopelessly
Initiating Pattern after Pattern of
Neglected Partnerships. All of Them
Gone, Sinking Down, Below the depths.
Open Those Metaphorical Eyes
Under Your Cold, Starving Pump And
Take The World To The Abyss With you.
Of Course, The Mass of Accumulating
Fear Quarrels with My Bitterness.
Tether Yourself To The First Suitable
Option of Flesh. They'll Understand, She'll...
Understand. Negotiating with Your Own
Corrupt Soul. This Emptiness Has Become My
Home, and I'll Live in it Endlessly.
Slowly my world shatters
Unravelling all around me
Inside my heart is
Cold, empty, broken
I have fallen apart completely
Drowning in the waves of sorrow
Everything I once was is swept away
By Morgan Mise
Written November 13, 2012
Shadow dwelling in the heart
Over a rain of raw pain
Retrieving light from the soul
Reducing fire from the spirit
Obscured by night so dark
Whirlwind of emotions’ tearful train
Falling helplessly in the undertow
Unable to go on, wishing to quit
Lost, until one must surface to breathe air.
Copyright © 2007
Never to be challenged would not be expected.
One’s spirit would truly die, forever being infected.
Respect beyond years of age, enhanced by service scored.
Each day passing seems I am just a little bit more ignored.
Sincerely I see others being from outside welcomed aboard.
Persons with only profit for them are welcomed in accord.
Exasperated I continue to do my job for no extra reward.
Calmness is harder to reorder in my daily extreme restored.
Thwarting abounded, stabbing my abilities with a sword.
Feels like I’m walking in molasses
Stumbling blind without my glasses
Dark clouds fall be for my eyes
Depression is my new disguise
D rawing all the energy out of me
E veryone can look and see
P ain on my face and misery
R einforcining every negativity
E xpressionless I sat and stare
S pace in all around me bare
S uch is life I hear you say
I hope it never comes you way
O nly time can heal I fear
N ormal service soon I hear
So till then the tablets take
From them I would like a break
But then a the gloom would soon descend
Tell me will there be an end
L ife without you is not the same
O ut in the dark alone
S till hear the echo of your name
T aunted by the unknown
L ost without your loving touch
O nly you can give to me
V oid now, I miss you so much
E veryone can see
Before I go, please know it was for the best that I do this.
Explain to me first why are you giving up?
Frantic decisions are destroying any hope I have for us.
Or is this not my fault?
Really think about it and be honest.
Eternity can be ended with four simple words.
I don't love you
Don't give up on me, please listen to the truth first.
I swear I love you and I always will.
Eliminate any anger and accept that we were both wrong and realize you do love me...before I die.
Another way of destroying ourselves
Bottles of pills, boxes of beer, and baggies of weed
Underestimating the pain that these things can cause if used unrighteously
Swallowng, snorting, and shooting up these killers can
End the happiness in you life forever
Dancing around me day after day,
Enraging me with all the words that I say,
All my thoughts center on where I will end,
Tired and lonely, with only Death as a friend;
Hopefully it all stops with His kiss.
Compatriots , where are you compatriots ?
On our a nation let’s pause a bit:
Money , money , money , money...
Peace dying, children crying
All moving as if all is well
Take a look at what nation has become :
Riots in south , terrorists in north ;
In the land of our births
Only God can say who is next
Thousand today, thousand tomorrow
Shame , what a shame !!!
P roblems there are so many for everyone
R ealize and accept that this is life
O bviously we all have them sometimes
B elive that you can manage them all
L et no trials and problems steal your joy
E ndure them and have Faith,Hope and Trust
M anage your problems and just trust God
S mall or big problems won't last,hand them all to God each time
Dorian Petersen Potter
Fool, you borrowed time from fate
Obeisance was wrong indeed
Objected nothing and moved on
Lotus was your favorite fruit
Irrationality was a kind of madness
Sarah warned, " Be careful, son! "
Harry, your pal, spoke like her
None seemed unreachable or vain
Enthralled by many false visions
Surges of panic and anger abounded
Sultry thoughts brought death
They all look happy after school
He suddenly lose all that glow after school
He now sees reality flashing as the school time end
It’s time to back where his roots lays
She is also showing signs of sadness
For her going back is even harder
Far but it’s nothing compare to the pain
The pain of looking after her brother
His eyes tell the story hidden from his cute face
The looks many says he pick from his mother
Their parents have passed after a hard fought sickness
The same sickness that he is living with
Some say their parents were bewitched
But she knows the truth as her brother look upon her
She is ready to do anything for him like lioness fighting furiously
As her mother’s words ring to her ears;
‘Look after your brother’
The days are even longer then months
The months are years to them
Only Sundays are a blessing to them
Playing is not for them as many fear them
Consumed by fear all they do is read their books
Deprived to associate with other kids
Loneliness crept and engulfs them like a dog in the wilderness
It’s back to school
School for young brains to be nurtured
But a child so young with an old brain
He too wanted to play and live normally
She too would have enjoyed doing her hair
Living in a free country yet nothing is free for them
Having rights that will not bring food on the table
But her father contradicted this thought
As he said “always see this as an opportunity to success”
Only success can give them the life they envy to live
A life of being happy
A life of being accepted for who you are
Even now they wait and live by the hope
The hope of getting this grant money
Hoping that their granny will get back
Back to their simple and haunting house
The house so controlled by fear and shame
House that gives birth to pouring tears
This is their house and burden for life
This is the house with no breadwinner
They are the only survivors in this house
They will be the corners of this house.
F ear is pulling at his mind
R eeling rolling trying to find
I s there nothing in this life?
G oing to blow away his strife!!
H e knows what he must try to do
T he answer, soft, and sweet and true
E nter beyond what mind can see
N ow absorbed in endlessly
E nding all the strife and fear
D aily asking ‘Am I here?
9 September 2013hrs.
I’m trapped in the American struggle/
Surrounded in the alcoholic drug addicted jungle/
In my soul called soul I seem to unknowingly look for trouble/
Yeah am I the only one to truly see our invisible chaotic bubble? /
Am I the only one to truly live in while I realize the hidden pains in our own ghetto living rubble? /
I see in what I still saw of the pains at the same time I hear the alcoholic mumbles/
Like a burnt cracker over a uncooked cookie I still see the culture crumble/
I see the staggering, I see the swerving and I see thy own stumbles/
Still yet I am crawling out the dirt like an ant spreading my wings in the sky like the bees bumble/
It’s when I knew I was a soul called soul/
In my soul called soul I am in the super bowl/
Seven hundred seventy-seven now I can’t let thy football fumble/
I am not going to let thy ring leader lead me in the circus no more, I am no longer an elephant Dumbo/ I’m here to stay not to go/ I been down that same road too many times before/
I know what it’s like at the bottom, I hit it straight rock ,yeah I been that low/
now pains of my life I outgrow/it’s when I knew I was a soul called soul
In my soul called soul/ I hang on not to my enemies nor my friends but my own inner foes/
I got no true friends, I got no true bros/ I got no true women, I got no hoes/
I don’t even know if I will even make it to be thirty-four/
I worry about alcoholic danger in the hood every time I walk out my front door/
I thank God I’m not rich and thank him for the experience of being dirt poor/
I thank him for the fact that I no longer have to steal from the local store/
I thank him for the simple fact that I can do simple everyday chores/
I remember a time when I was in a prison cell where even death itself felt like a bore/
until one day something great pick me up off the prison floor……..that was a time when I know I was a soul called SOUL/
I know my truck of life was ready to take it’s damage when it can still pull its own toll/
I knew my boat of life was ready to go against high winds with a broken bow/
I knew I was ready when I can go against waves 100 feet high go under and still row/
if not then I make the surf board roll/ The storms comes like shadow hidden in the skies undergrowth/ I’m not only floating I’m also flying through them both/
I am no longer empty with darkness I am filled with light shone/
I am no longer alone, I am force of many through word flow/
I am a prophet among my own/ words put together like no other only I condone/
I say it in a unique tone/
I’m going to make it past the internet and cell phones/
I am the one, I am by a higher power chose/
These problems in life I will outgrow/
I will overcome being just another SOUL CALLED SOUL….
I can only see as far as the future lets me.
Hope is on the other side
And I can't reach that far
There is nothing there.
Everything I know is gone.
Maybe tomorrow I will smile.
Yesterday, it is gone forever
Some times I forget it happened.
Eventually nothing will matter
Lovers will forget me.
Feelings will be buried.
Trying is to hard to do
Other wise I would have done it
Depression, that is for fools
And I have succumb to it.
You're not the only one insecure.
I hate myself today, it gets too hard to breath.
I keep telling myself to go, but I don't want to leave
Who ever saw the fires of hell would be able to attest
It’s burning from the centre to the peak;
All the mountains are covered with the heavens blanket
Where will i ever see a mountain this high?
Our buildings look so small;
How did this splendid art form
The olds call it the work of god
The pagan say it the power of nature
The face is wrinkle not of age but,
The burning tears of sorrow
I see swallows flying motionless
I look at the flowers that give its beauty
It’s beyond those plains where they walk tirelessly
Even the scorching sun has no effect
Evenings covered by strife in families
Nothing looks to be affecting the lilies
Neither the awls cannot complain
But to I it’s burning like scorching furnace
The tears that have made the face a playing ground
This is favour they are giving to the grief
These are tears of salts mix with despair.
Man live by the power
He sees more power now
Many have power to leave
He powers himself up
Powered by the courage
He ponder all the opportunities
Opportunities that were bestowed
The opportunities he never took
Across the street he sees many
Across those tamed streets
He sees life taken to him
As a dog bark for food
He looks in despair and shame
As a rat caught on a trapped
He wants to fly like a free bird
Across the street is his home
A home shares with thousands
He wants to go back to that simple home
A home that he will find joy
There across the street he lay dead
Dead of cold winter and shame
Today he shall find joy
The only joy he long for years.
Feeling like I'm all alone
Everyday worse then the last
Anybody going to save me?
Real life is a nightmare
Very little matters
Everyone is gone
Ready to leave
You wont care
Why isn't anyone
Here to stop me
Even though the end is close
Ready is one thing I'm not
End... Such a sweet thing
I used to observe every movement you made but you never notice
I was there too but you never saw
Shall I tell how you reacted when they forced you to do it
I was there looking at making fool of yourself
Shall I show you how much I have cared for you
I also wanted to join in when you were having fun
While I observe your move I happen to see the inner you
When they left you I saw an empty soul
I saw a person that was so shy
How I thought you notice my cry
Who said I was strong to handle it alone
When I tried to reach you
But I was so afraid to spoil what you called good times
They change you and you were changed
The pact we made was so quickly washed
Silent in this world we live in
Seeking for what can please the soul
Looking with the eyes of a child
Love written in the face
Smiling warmly as if things are flying
I've been distressed because of you
Messed up emotions
Into depression I fall once again
Sleepless nights thinking about you
Stuck with the realitly that your now gone
Your actions have caused me misery
Out of this darkness, I pray you will be soon
Until that day comes, I will miss you
Placing all my thoughts on the table;
Looking at the passing train of history
Enerstly I flood my guilty yet clear eyes,
Adamantly I miss the days when we loved,
Surrounded by the haunts of past memories,
Echoes of love I nolonger hear
Could it have been a wise decision,
Outside I see the emptiness and voidness,
Mostly wrong, your absence is torture
Earth is nowhere without you
Being here is now my day and night thought,
All the same, come back home my love,
Can you open the closed books again
Keenly remember me and all we had
Haunted is my name without you,
Out of this terror I long to be,
More and more I wish you were here,
Enter the door, its open for you
I ncredibly tired, can't close my eyes.
N eeds to count sheep, or bottles of beer.
S lave to the grind of sleeplessness.
O utstretched and uncomfortable.
M aking myself crazy counting backwards and forward.
N eed some "Sleepy Time" tea!!!!
I may never sleep again.
A lways grumpy the next day.
Yesterday, before I found your love, life seemed dim and days grew dull.
All I ever did was mope and cry; without true love, I thought that I would die.
My future faced each stumble fearlessly, artfully; I was an empty hull.
Troubles ripped my soul most every day; lost in your pain, I could never fly.
Seemed that problems never found a lull; steadily streaming to my throbbing skull.
So, sometimes I’d stop and scream for you, oh, perfect love, the angels sigh.
Far beyond all hope is Heaven’s flight from hopelessness to eternity.
Away I’d fly, free from the lonely plights; too many nights without love’s band.
Now, it seems so very long ago; that time when hope would never grow.
It was impossible to understand how your precious love could help me stand.
Looks like love came knocking evermore upon loves’ door with her face aglow.
As if the dawning light would never come, should life return with one command?
Though my days with you by death grew dim, forever love, more than a whim.
They're here within my heart and mind to stay, sweet memories of yesterday!
Here I dream; kissing your face again, thinking life is grim, oh sweet cherubim.
To forever your sweet smiles have flown; I am left all alone; all I do is moan.
Stay close, my love, I need you, now. Comfort my dreams; I will not groan.
Oh, I know your love could lift this empty shell from the depths of hell.
I need you now; please come somehow; I beg you, now…I beg you, now!
Believe, and miracles will come your way; that’s what they say the Scriptures tell.
In the future life beyond the Vail before our Lord each head shall bow.
Yesterday we two walked together cheerfully; but yesterday became an empty shell.
Ó January 26, 2014
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Yesterday's Acrostic
Sponsored by: Roy Jerden
Dishearted i feel and dejecteD
Equally of past and of futurE
Sadness with me weepS
Pray for me with piousness deeP
All the dullness accumulate in an opaerA
In which my heart and I
Rave and crave in despaiR.
Remembering each day what I shouldn’t of done,
Each memory playing over and over, I so wish I could run,
Go so far away from these thoughts in my mind,
Regretting, regretting, how could I have been so blind?
Everlasting are the results of the actions I wish to undo… I’m so upset!
Tainted forever with the rash of regret.
By: Melissa-Rose Devnarain
Render your reassuring sheets of waters
Admonish my growth and tend to the slaughters
Initiate refreshing drops, and lighten the load
Nourish us all by washing out the blood
He saw me I saw him
We leaped for greatness
But we were earth bound
He surpasses my hopes
And shatters my dreams
I feel darkness in him which I bravely embrace
He’s my hope my shield my love
My undivided trust
I feel that I can reach bounds and mounts of greatness
So why do I still feel so empty
A path of endless sorrow
paved by the destruction in my wake.
I can see no bright, beautiful tomorrow
that's not a kind of future I make.
An ocean of endless tears
flowing from the hearts the cry out in pain.
Their anguished cries bring forth my inner fears
which drag me under with a dark heavy chain.
A tale of endless woe
full heartaches and immorality.
These are the seed I sow
grown by my faulty personality
Memories of endless regret
the ones that can't simply be erased.
I promised I would never forget,
all the lives I have disgraced.
The ashes of a finished flame
extinguished by my devastating crime.
Before, it was all a sick little game
but now, I'm completely out of time.
J ust feeling stipped and naked
U nderstanding is what I desire
D espair at always feeling like the freak
G etting sad as my spirits sink
M aking the most of everyday
E veryone looking down from their pedestal
N ever feeling good enough
T aking it day by day
KING OF POP? ACROSTIC
Midst all the praise, forgotten all uncouth,
in this our time, we shan't remember this,
conveyed to all the world, his morbid truth,
he wanted more than anything, his greatest wish,
above all else, he wanted to be white.
enough to show the world it turned out right,
long after all is said and done, he turned out white.
Just as, in hot pursuit, no one could see
another 5, without his his dancing frame,
come latelys came too short to even be
known as contendors of his cherished name
so white is white, they never want him black,
or even guess he's not one of their fame,
nor see into the junky in his name.
At the point of no return,
Beyond all hope,
Can't turn back if i tried,
Don't love this anymore,
Forever with dread,
Got to leave here,
Happiness is out of the picture,
Innocence left behind to die,
Keep moving on,
Lost without a soul,
Mother is gone,
Nowhere to be found,
Open doors close,
People stop and stare
Quiet screams follow,
Resisting a constant battle,
Seduction is trying to pull me in,
Trying to resist,
Unable without your help,
Verge of tears,
X-ed out of life,
You have the same battle,
Zooming past your head.
D espair is a lonely place with little sign of light
I n the heavy sorrow so deep we lack the will to fight
A ll around feel our pain - offering their support now and then
N ot a single soul on this earth can really tell us when
E asing back into life will bring our hearts back right again.
C hoose your path with caution and care
H ow you choose can lead to despair
O nly you will know the right way
S ome will opine with nothing to say
A nd this will prove you went the right way
I think of the years between us and
Little snippets of our journey floods my mind.
Life and all it's roads at times difficult
Allowing us the chance to change, to be remade for the
Last of all our tales shall be of our triumphs-
Ways we conquered our self doubt, our impulses
Always giving way to that better me, better you
Yet you walk these roads with a heavy heart
Soul weary and feet blistered and I say to you
Be not afraid of what s to come
Everyone is given only what he or she can bear
Yes I say to it all - the pain, our tears, the laughter
Our fears, - the joy and all these years between us
Underneath it all there lies our blessing and
Redemption in the form of this friendship
For the mistakes, the errs are not erased but" Our Father In Heaven"
Remember is the sweetest prayer
In it we find the mercy he tempers our punishment
Even as we are wrong, we are in his light
No man can take your soul, so walk
Don't run to the end of your life, when it is done, he is there.
Suffering can end or come to a new beginning
Unheeded wishes can gnaw at me
Ignored to a painful point
Creating space between those around me and myself
Isolation becomes comforting and frightening in the same moments
Dreams are always nightmares where I am to blame
And I deserve none of this, but must take full responsibility
Losing all hope for happiness in the future
C arried through life on the spillage of blood
R azed raw by ruthlessly sadistic emotions
Y earning desperately for death
Gloomy and empty
Unable to have inner peace
Insatiable feelings of forgiveness
Losing the trust of others
Trying to rid thyself of sin
Hi5, orkut, facebook, twitter,
Makes me smile- makes me glitter!
Talk of text- think of status,
Nothing can stop- none can break us!
For I am young, so full of energy,
The locker of talent, I am the key!
Of course the books are running out of date,
And the internet’ve become the trend of late!
But talent, focus and determination,
Are embedded in us- we’ve an ambition.
Gone are the days when elders suppressed the young,
‘’They are the best’’ this song they sung!
But each day now we prove our worth,
With every step we move forward and forth.
Corrupted rule and motivate to crime,
In the crowd of lakhs - they stand as prime,
Our voice finds no echo- none lends a hand,
But we’ll stand someday where today you stand!!
And then we’ll build a better place,
Free of price tags, free of caste and race,
One can’t change alone, we need you,
‘’youth- you can change the world’’ its true!!
Superfluous Whispering, Night time Fell Fast,
In Chance, the Most Sullen of Wires Drinks Last,
Liquid Which Douses the most Vital of Elements
Vigour so Perfect, he calls it Her Elegance.
Effervescent Intoxication... F**k,
Rekindle the Fervour of Dying Luck.
Lucidly the Memories of Her Replay,
Ever lasting, Like Gods of the Moulded Clay.
After it's Faded, and there she remained,
For The Ambassador of Nothing, has Everything Contained.
- To The Girl Who Thinks of Herself Nothing -
- But is Filled With Everything -
You judge me because you don’t like my hair
You judge me because of my birthmark
You judge me because I am fat
You judge me because I look different
You judge me because I don’t have “swag”
You judge me because I am not the richest
You judge me because I don’t have the nicest things.
You want me to change my hair?
You want me to get rid of my birthmark?
You want me to lose weight?
You want me to look normal?
You want me to have swag?
You want me to be came the richest?
You want me to have the nicest things?
Well guess what I love my hair!
I love my birthmark!
I love that I am not skinny!
I love that I don’t have swag!
I love that I am not the richest!
I love that I don’t have the nicest things!
And I am not changing for no one !
Sat in silence
Eerily' aloft he
Never did know
Carefree and slow
Eerie always lasts
Never fitting inwardly
So please pray
~The silence engulfed another victim, in the forest the tree heard him fall.
You have always told me your plans
For years your words have grown bigger
I felt my heart beat for your poems
For my heart felt your heart beats
The beats that tune my passion
High by your sweet words that light my mind
Days grew legs walking to months and years
You told me the same words, ‘I love you’
But now my ears have grown moulds
Neither my mind can comprehend that lullaby
Time has come for you to show me
This is now your time to prove them wrong
I really tried to force my superior ego
But your love has caused my heart to be bitter
My thoughts have created a devil incarnate
Thou I wonder how I got hooked by your words
Many were taken by my exquisite gesture and smile
But I chose to you to make me fly with angels
Show me why I chose you from them all
For years I have been patient with you
Tell me it was worth waiting
Tears of the heart wash away what is forgotten.
Heartaches spoil the tenacity of what to remember.
Eventually all things fade, both righteous and ill-gotten.
Our lives make choices even when we do not enable.
No-one will ever say that one person makes their mistakes.
Each one of us has held repercussions of a label.
Truth is we all lost something, though we know not what.
Hearing of others loss we feel compassion to give a lot.
Amid our own losses we harbor guilt, without thought.
Traveling, sometimes not understanding what is sought.
Great loves and friendships are forfeited, for no reason.
Our passion placed on hold, till rise of another season.
Taking tolls on our spirit, blaming all, on a certain demon.
A deficit of affection plays a role in which we become.
Women or men, whom leave or are cast, will succumb.
Another shall bring warmth, building a new rhythm.
Yea though, the one that got away shall bring wisdom.
Sponsor Thvia Shetley
Contest Name The one who got away
Beautifully happy now on meds
Insightful from last year's low
Peacefully enjoying the stability
Ongoing treatments that helped me grow
Longing for non-irritability or mania
Anxiety no more this holiday
Rendering all my soul
Sinking in his greatness as I pray
Christ has me in his hands
Holidays can be stressful for those who are sick
Remember that our meds and help
Inviting all that's good to do the trick
Somehow be childish in the tale of Saint Nick
Together bipolars can enjoy this whole month
Magically intuned with those not indisposed
Ask us how you may be able to help
Same as you, bells, mistletoe and all that's grandiose
Please don’t ask me what I don’t want to tell
Say something is wrong, as you should know well
You think I’m a nut, and that’s ok
Cause I know I’m one, and oh, by the way
Help me get my meds adjusted, before I loose my mind
Illness that I am fighting now, sure seems to be unkind
Another antidepressant, to add to my daily grind
Taking all these happy pills just so I won’t lose my mind
Really now, doctor, what more can you do
I am having to trust God an you
Say something more is wrong with me
Tell, me now, doc, and don’t let it be.
Take back your misery.
Return to me my heart that you stole
I will Avenge myself.
My Vision was clouded by love.
I was incredibly naive,
You Stabed me in the back and made love to her as well.
BuT now it’s to late for your apologies.
I’m broken but no longer yours.
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V is for the violent images created by the ID
I is for the immaculate figmentations that come to play
O is for the opticals of illusions
L is for the lucidness I have yet to succumb to
E is for the evolution of child's play to harmful reality
N is for the nonsense my tongue blurts out in insanity
T is for trickery schizo-affective plays on me like a leprechaun
We are very sorry to report to you
that your particular maze has been constructed with a fatal flaw
and is actually lacking a center
So you will unfortunately not have the opportunity in this lifetime
to experience the sense of success and accomplishment that others
with perfectly created mazes will experience
We hope this does not cause you too much undue distress confusion and pain
Better luck next time !
A birthday present to my Gramps, Hugh McCorkidale Young.
Heaven has a place for you
Unswaying was your faith in such
Goodness always will shine through
Holding on to that has been my crutch
Many others knew you well
Cokey, heard of through the town
Countless tales they had to tell
Of all the men, you held the crown
Real though it is, it's hard to believe
Know as I do the ways of the world
In the fact that you could ever leave
Darkening my mind till my thoughts unfurled
Aloud, I cannot bring to bear
Lonely I must hold my heart
Even by myself I fear
Your absence will tear me apart
Onwards though the world must move
Unendingly your memory will stay
No-one has forgotten you
Gone though you are, you'll never fade.
Alone and unwanted. Left behind. Shunned.
Battered by those who pushed you aside.
All because you wanted their affection, but
None would be had, and they cut you inside.
Drowning now--dying. Choking on floods
Of tears full of loneliness, anger, and pain
Emptying your heart of hatred and venom,
Draining the poison eroding your veins.
No one willfully wants to assist the blight
Only we seem to be, yet clearly in the right
They are and must come screaming bloody
Hell, what don't they understand? Something
In the dark cries out, nothing comes from nothing
No way no how, but endlessly they attack us,
Grueling begrudging and badgering, they rack us
So high and pull apart at the seems, till we give
Every drop of blood in our dreams, so we live
Ever thriving near the end of the road, and beg for scraps
Master says are gold, gold damnation for angels,
Seraphs set to weave our fortune,
Telling us one thing and giving us another
Oh God if I had a nickel for every time brother
Got a nickel? I could use one it seems to call
Irresponsibility back and get my quarter
Vile venomous witch, she's called, loitering
Evermore in my heart and home, so long.
Between him and me, soulful love thrived,
Enthralling, enchanting and everlasting delight,
To my shock, why did he betray me and life,
Recalling the worst, in nightmares I strife,
Always, everyday thinking of him, I slowly die,
Yesterday is bygone, why do I keep living a lie,
Another present day lost, my future is no gain,
Love if may I believe, is born and reborn again!
Written on 11/7/14
Contest- Acrostic time#2
Sponsor- PD A
Due to the feeling of tension,i remained here and there,
But this sense of being engulfed with sorrow led me nowhere.
So i thought why should i care?
And yes,i got the answer-don"t boggle your mind,that would be fair.
The future prospects and its worry dawn my mind,
But i think,the maker of the world-my god is very kind.
so i left the future of mine at his stake,
action is thy duty and reward is fake.
I danced around and to my astonishment i found,
that moon and the stars can be reached even if we are at ground...
November 26, 2009
She walks with her head down,
She wonders with no purpose,
She has a mother who forgets her,
She has a father who dosnt want her,
She has parents who cant handle her,
What is she to do with herself?
She has two sets of parents,
Neither seem to want her,
She has a big family but,
None have time for her,
She hides her tears,
She hides her pain,
She hides the abuse,
She blocks people out.
This is her legacy ,
This is her story,
This is her life,
This is the girl with no name.
god, made in mans illusion
our egocentric minds create
deities of grand delusion
or of demonizing enemies
up before we find our cause
totalitarian reign of gods
or democratic masochists
finding naught but disappointment
together bound somnambulists
heretical self rightousness
ever bring faithful relief
machinations or delusions
always shifting to belief
crusading fanatics, blindly follow
him with nothing more to gain
i have forsaken you
never to find faith again
every time we need a monster
Without him I'm nothing,
Only sad thoughts are left,
Really needing and wanting his love,
Tired of being apart when we are meant to be,
Heartbroken by Daniel,
Left so hurt,
Empty is the only feeling I have,
Soulmates now apart,
Something so amazing has ended..
Startled at the sight of you
Heart still bleeds tears every time I see you
All the horrific memories began to recollect in my head
Red bruises, burns and black eyes
Keep appearing every day you did
All I could do was take it
Sit there as you complained
Evil eyes craving into my soul
Many women don’t know their worth
Appreciate your body and know your worth
Never let a man tear you down, to where you feel like nothing.
? ? ?
I'm starting slowly to be confused
I'm believing this life has no use
This pation is wasted in the wind
This love is chasing hopes from dust
Those thoughts are torturing me so fast
Those dreams are bringing my world to the end...
Blissfully on cloud nine or
Irritable beyond all recognition
Policing yourself to not hurt yourself
Only to hope its not to completion
Longing to be healthy and stable
Aggressive to the outsiders who
Recommend Lithium for you
Deep is the sadness.
Eternity, never ending.
Passing goes the time.
Return to the light,the tunnel is long.
Exit the same, take a new direction.
Same never change.
I keep going like a zombie, ragged.
On to the light, long tunnel.
Night comes, zombie must sleep. : )
Final fortune overcomes
ironic endings always wrought
never lasting in our findings
individuals eternally untaught
seconds left till our despair
you thought you knew what's best
so you cut a sore in my chest
the choice was mine to make
instead you put my heart through a stake
it's too late to reverse it now
you asked for shame I asked you how?
how could you block my heart from someone already worlds apart?
how can you decide what's best for me
when I live in another reality
they say that sores will heal with time
but that may not be true for everyone
the sword you pierced my heart with soaked in poison
only blackens my heart of mine
you asked me how I feel
I only questioned how this could be real
you wanted my apology
but all you got from me
is a heart black and cold
ripped by you for being bold
and all I'm left with now are fragments of a heart
and the question how?
Depression is hard to deal with.
Each day is a struggle.
Another problem could break me.
Lying covers the pain I feel.
Insecurities become prevalent and
Now I'm not so sure I
Worlds away, it feels like,
I'm screaming silently inside.
The hell I'm living in has been my
Home for years.
In the end I know it'll be okay but why does it not feel
Kinder spirit is now resting
Angels keep you safeguarded
Remain still my dear friend
Eternity is ones destiny
No pain is allowed in Heaven
Fondest memories of you linger on
Everyone has one or two
Inspiration to fight was yours
Sympathy from my heart pours out
To your family and close friends
Family And Friends
always left to our devices
betterment crushed to dust
answered never during crisis
never found inside our trust
detrimental, godless wars
opening our deepest fears
nearing death, the way it bars
meager payment are our tears
ever found within our hope
nihilistic in its scope
trusting no one, even our reflection
descending from our souls and fear
outward landing, never found
when we find it, disappear
never do we make a sound
falling from our mental summit
always do we see our pains
leering at us as we plummet
losing self a temporal stain
See me sit here and cry.
How can it get any worse?
Even the worst are happier.
I wish I could change,
Someday, maybe I will.
Not soon though.
Over a period of time, I might.
Today is not the day.
Another thing is; I'm broken.
Not fixed or happy.
Definitely not unscarred.
Nothing inside me is full anymore.
Even my mind feels empty.
Venturing out feels unbearable.
Reacting to the constant issues.
Becoming harder and more challenging
Everyday that I'm alone.
On this day,
Kids are dying.
Adults are suffering.
You can't do anything about it.
Z ulus and Shonas possess the lands
I ndependence placed it in their hands
M ugabe dictates his corrupt demands
B abies starve in the streets eating out of empty cans
A ids is rife amongst women and man reducing their life spans
B eautiful country reduced to desert sands
W eeping nation paying with every drop of sweat from their glands
E ternity it feels as they are slaves with new brands
today we hide, tomorrow seek
ordeals unending, soundlessly
reaching toward the helpless meek
mindless strength is given falsely
end it all, but never does it
never are we given our life
to delay it is our source of strife
Joy to the world! Vengeance will take its toll soon! Be aware!! Negativity has arrived at the front door, knocking obnoxiously! Don’t answer it or you’ll be inviting bad company full of bad luck and demonic zeal…illuminating with greed and selfish ambitions! Don’t try to get her attention or she’ll erupt like a violent, vicious volcano. . . . . . .
Oh, wait! Are you joking? Here comes that pessimistic, sadistic, rage-indulging woman again, watching that TV 24/7 with cruel envy, shattering the bones of the innocent…observing the wickedness of the world with malice painted in her brownie-like and plum-purple eyes – avarice growing in her like cancer, inflicting pain and depression upon others without a trace of guilt – that ignorant WITCH! That insidious fallen angel, wishing upon remorse and morbid luck on others and doing it tactlessly – she has no heart…her heart’s tainted with malevolent, ill will determination and makes her sister, hope, weep in vain – she watches her sorrow just like she gazes at a television screen, thrilled by fantasies of good and evil… love and hate… ice and fire… bliss and grief… the living and dead… etc. – GOOD GRIEF!
Yep – a typical witch she is – casting evil spells on people with the way she presents herself to others and how she starts riots and quarrels, dragging people on her level and putting them under a bittersweet, wretched spell! She’s infuriated and will take revenge in her hands…joy to the world!
(Ch.2 of the series)
Can you tell me how I am supposed to have any?
Or what confidence even is?
No longer do I have any.
For the longest time I never really did.
I was working on getting some.
Doing really good too.
Every day it was boosting a little bit.
Now it is down to nothing again, thanks to my mom.
Confidence needs to be nurtured, not shot down by others.
Even though she is the one who should bring me up when I am down, my mom always
seems to be the one bringing me down.
H- Heart felt are my burdens,
E- Ever lasting are my needs,
A- Argumentative I seem to be,
V- Vacant are my memories,
Y- Yes it's really me.
HEAVY is what it seems.
Love unseen and binded
Over me you collided
Sifting in the vortex
Taking life as it is—a mess
Tries to kill himself.
Rather die young than
Making a bright future.
Acts like a follower but can be a leader.
Tries to get out of trouble but
Instead, continues until something bad happens, then
Cries when not heard.
Insanity drawing in on us,
measured by our lives in hell.
millions in an omnibus,
order, sinking, entropy.
renditions of a crumbling soul,
tumbling in to the abyss.
always taking draining tolls,
lingering for but a moment.
In this dream...
Scream -- the figment of a dream, but so much more
Confusion rakes my brain, closes each door
Right from the start, he has meandered through my visions
Empty and cold, I find him making my decisions
Adding painful secrets that stain my real life...and there's
Much more to come...with the force of a knife...
In this dream of reality...
On my own...I'm walking on my own...
Her eyes burning with hate
Anger fills her soul
Trying to help her will
Result in nothing but confusion
Everyone take notice in this:
Doomed is the soul satan dwells in
-a collaberation with my friend who wishes to remain anonymous -
Separated by the emotion barrier
Pierced by your absence of words
Anguished by annoyance and abnormalities
Calling out your name
Emptiness is your reply
In the darkness of all expression
Lives the pain I'll never forget
it's a hunger ripping beneath me
my soul deep with regret
This echo is all around me
It tries to enter my head
The voices of illusion
telling me that I am dead
How do I find my doorway
With no guidance by my side
You were all that I needed
You were my morning light
Darkness is my best friend now
And the room is cold as ice
This feeling of loneliness
that surrounds me
Is my punishment of life
No matter how many times I go to sleep,
And reach comforting visions inside my dreams,
I always wake up with the same discomforts from before,
Another night is only another reprieve from horror,
Never again do I want to wake up to this misery.
How lost I am among many who know their paths,
Everywhere I turn I find more confusion and mystery,
Losing my way is all I tend to do, and nothing is better,
Perhaps I should find sleep for eternity instead of these stays.
Maybe my mind might move me hand to hasten such destruction,
Even the tormented receive peace. Should I pursue my own?
People don't seem to understand--I am not who I was,
Leave your jokes and accusations away from me,
Each time you call me smart or genius it marks me,
And don't expect perfection or 100's from me.
Sure, they are commonplace, but they're undeserved.
Entreat me with your belief--I do not try.
Now I have written all of it down.
All of you can take me for myself.
I am unworthy and evil. Do not help me.
About my life, I'll manage.
Nothing can keep me from life, except death.
Centered in a greedy world,
our egocentric minds unfurled.
rising into downward gears,
relying on our hates and fears.
upward spiral to our ends,
penitent upon them sends.
to the exit of our minds,
insanity, we finally find
overtures of hate and rage,
never see the earthly stage.
Keeping with the days of night,
intensity of blackened light.
setting out to find our fate,
meeting it when it's to late.
ever growing but more numb,
tomorrow simply never comes.
kindling our deepest fears,
always drowning in our tears.
realizing all our hells,
mellowing alarum bells.
always we find our life in the end.
Rolling onward, toward the goal,
Only slowing for a moment.
Take the time, enjoy the roses
That is what I was told.
Everyone told me I did too much,
Did I heed advice, no.
Fear drove me, fear consumed me,
Razed the ambitions I had,
Only for a moment, I grasped at a glimmer,
Maybe, I thought, I could touch the intangible.
Terrible, liar, I always was.
How can someone else believe, when I don’t.
Everything fell down.
Inside, I thought, inside is safe -
Nowhere is safe, failure the only option.
Somewhere, I’m laughing at my own tears,
I never knew how funny it was, to watch a person collapse.
Dread is a beautiful motivator, and a terrible mistress,
Everyone tried to warn me, did I listen, no.
Confidence...it is something I no longer have.
Obviously I never will.
Nobody could possibly understand.
Furious with my mom, furious with myself.
I hate the way I am, the way I look.
Deep down, I know I am beautiful as personality goes, but in my opinion I lack outer beauty.
Even though some people try and tell me different, too many others have agreed with me.
Never have I been able to look in a mirror without feeling disgusted.
Crying is something I do often.
Everyday I pray that someone will want me, in spite of who I am, and everyday I am sadly
Avenged never by bloodshed yet seeing red
Never harming another yet thinking dark
Growing harder to control and feeling stark
Raving mad while pure rage unfolds
Yes it is taking over reason and rationality
Maybe these too will soon pass, be replaced
And yet love can be too late, without grace
Nodding silently to fury's haunting will
Letters he's written yet never able to seal
Ordinarly it's not his personality to steal
Serenity from those who are content
Eerily as of late he's been hell bent
Sadly, more so with every season
I've warned you now that wrath takes its toll
Tangibly irritating everyones spirit, and soul
light shines down upon this new life
understanding nothing near it
sinister are forces of strife
upwardly it nears its end
sensations flood its fragile mind
nature is our cruelest friend
always whispering on the wind
truly found we never notice
underneath the blackest ice
rarely finding friends who realize
always lost inside the soul
earth gives to us the lives it stole
Destiny is creeping near,
earth is filling us with fear.
suicide of all the minds,
today will be the time we find,
illness of the foresight comes.
never will our souls be numb,
yet never will we live again.
Seeking all we wish to find,
inversion of our blackened mind.
living in a world of sound,
endless noise is ever found.
never finding in our mind,
calming darkness of the sound,
empty of corrupting sound.
Delving into hollow hearts
always we're a world apart
reality is twisted, black,
knowng all a holding back
never seeing in the light
eternal bounty of the night
seldom does night make its mark,
so daytime seeks to hide the dark
In time we find ourselves alone,
separated and unknown.
order coming to its end,
lingering beliefs ahead.
atoning for an unknown sin,
then we find we've always been
isolated from the earth.
ordered from our death to birth,
never were we watched upon.
Endlessly we wander on,
thinking that the time is gone.
endlessly it follows all,
reaching forward in its thrall.
never resting, always waiting,
that which all of us hold dear,
years go by as death draws near.
Measuring our time each year,
ever-present background fear.
longing for the end to come,
attaching meaning to the sum.
nearer to us our fate draws,
creeping time to natures laws.
how we search for end of time,
older, older, it's sublime.
lingering in youth of old,
years are passing, time unfolds
Can you remember the first kiss
That stole your heart with a twist
Can you remember our hopes and dreams
I never dreamed it would end like this
The devils heart is unspoken words
How her evil has in golfed my world
Hacking away replacing love with fear
Taking away our first kiss replaced by tears
Fiery pits, flames on high
Red as rubies, like the devils eyes
Rocks and larva ,symbols of life
Bow down never, ill not die
Liars (an acrostic and rhyme)
by Amy Swanson, Nov. 2008
Look into my eyes, tell me the truth for once - a lie
Is all it ever was, I know that now.
Although my love for you runs deep, my soul
Retreats from your caress; you have
Shown me you are just another one of many liars.
Liars always seem to know
exactly what to do;
they'll say whatever it might take
to make you think the lie is true.
In deceit they spin their webs
of never-ending lies,
and get so comfortable with it
they'll look you in your eyes
and make it seem so real, and true,
the words they say could make you weep;
but they are simply con-men,
the masters of deceit.
However, there will come a day,
when they no longer can atone
for loved ones will no longer listen
and they will wake to find they are alone.
A little baby dying,
A mother crying,
A father hoping,
A broken heart,
A pray sent out,
A dog lost,
A grand father searching
A golden gate,
Wonderous dreams come and go.
But broken dreams stay forever!
You loved me once apon a time a wonderous
dream come true.
Try as I might I can't get rid of the
broken dreams that come surrounding me all
through the night.
That I think I shall go mad!
Too much time has come and gone since I've
seen you wonderous face,
But in my broken dreams you call out to me
and yet some how you stay so far away.
Broken dreams why do you haunt me so?
How do we find our mental thread?
Opening, unraveled, dead.
Perusal of the darkest minds
Eclipsing all the light that binds.
Lingering hope will fill the air,
Emptied by our own despair.
Sensing that our time is near,
Severed by our sense of fear,
Needless of our empty souls,
Endless misery unfolds.
Sedated in a dark embrace,
Savoring our hollow face.
Transfixed into another world, my senses keen
Having the chance to exchange glances in life,
An hour or so was enough time; I wanted seen.
Thinking about that night, delivers such strife.
Now awakened, that night haunts me so.
I live in utter dismay, angered of the loss.
Going through life heartless, who will know?
Heart broken, mind scattered, my soul cross.
That night, cursed my life, truth will never show.
Within the branches of the willow
Hiding in this secret place
Years of solitude has brought me here
And dreams of peace filled skies.
More into a daylight trance
In meaningful reminiscence
Happenings of love filled life
Ending to engage the solitude.
Recreating in volumes
Every moment of beauty past
Hovering in the clouds, mindful things
Inters the world of yesterday.
Dreams become in reality
Inner thoughts rewound
Never to allow departure
Genuine in all that will remain.
Bellows of laughter gain residence
Engulfing the sorrowful trill
Necessities to believe in nothingness
Ever, forever lasting in me.
And the willow surrounds
The braches hiding me from the world outside
Here is a lonely place indeed
Though the willow comforts me.
Harmony fills in vivid colors
Where dreams regain new life
Into another entrance of beauty.
Longevity of life takes precedence
Love intertwines the thought
Overture leads the way
Where solitude begins again.
Little did I know you were to take me.
Over and over I did fall. And never relenting.
Verse after verse I wrote to your admiration.
Everything I saw was inspiration towards you.
Last week, I got your letter to me.
Over and over I did read. My tears flowed.
Vaguely I understood your statements.
Engagement was breaking me in two.
Last year, you got married away.
Over and over I have cried. I want to die.
Vindication is not possible. You hurt me.
Evacuating you from my mind is the only hope.
Leaving my whole self behind is hard.
Over and over I have assayed. Too much of me was you.
Vying against my own self is destroying me.
Emancipation is my only hope. Goodbye.
i am a girl that is confused
i am a child that has no life
i am a girl wondering why this has to happen to me
i am a student that hates school
i am your daughter who wonders if you care
i am a follower not knowing what to do
i am a cutter trying to relieve my pain
i am somebody wondering if anybody really cares
i am a person that is always living in pain
i am a girl who keeps her feeling trapped inside
i am a person who wants to end her life
Release the victory of my heart; I seek the most.
Evaluate my soul’s contentment, so secured.
Let me live the life I was destined to breath.
Examine my mind the dreams are lying round.
Attack the entity that inhabits my personality.
Seal my trepidation; release my equanimity.
Examine my fantasy; allow its reality out.
Mine is a battle, inconceivable within this time.
Evangelical intervention, I wait for my genesis.
Determined to forget all that has happened
A life of regretts
Managing to get by day by day
After the storm settles another begins
God has but kept me strong in adversity
Every thought of him helps me through the pain
Day after day I wish for a new life for this one is damaged
Reality stole my fantasy, from my grasp three times.
Each one twisting my soul, mind again and again.
A life would be lost each time; I started the crimes.
Legalities not broken, others lives affected within.
Originality of my making, took control driving away,
Realms of destruction of my creation, upon a day,
Frozen ageless thoughts distorted by simple drugs in me.
A forever love destroyed, by both drugs and fantasy.
Not ever a real eventuality or even a possibility,
Transience of my mind, never to live in infinity,
Alive, I have awakened to a new precious reality.
Sending thoughts in forms of words, a new destiny,
Years have past me by, drugs forgotten in my insanity.
Bitter in cold
Light can no longer be seen
I can not see your face
Not even can I think back to that place
(On my myspace also)
All rights reserved
-Matthan C. Atherton
Anybody hear my cry
Lonely have I been for so long
One friend would have been nice
Never have I felt so betrayed
Even the closest of my friends have departed
emotional velocity halted..
safe and secure.. spiritless..
Layers of pain.. eclipse
and enclose..restricting ..
Languish not behind the wall..
surrender to the magnitude of emotion..
Escape the enchantment of safety..
passions unleashed.. fireworks erupting
Delight in the wonder of Love..
thrill to the sensations of life!
~ rejoice as the bricks tumble..
~ shout as the wall falls....
Destined to fail
Remebering who i was
Nothing left of me now
Emotions cloud my head
Agony in my heart
Turning for direction, but end up in circles
Hurting more than imaginable