Obsessed with the thought of you
wondering if it's only me or
if you sometimes remember the sweet things you've said
and if you meant them how I took them
or if I'm just obsessed with what's in your head
Obsessed with your very sentences
Every response I take personal
I know it's selfishness
Have you not noticed my eyes?
They hold secrets that only you can unlock
if you'd just take time to fill the thick juices of my pride
It's just boiling with lust, passion, trust and distrust
and other things I obsess over so much
I find myself writing to free myself from this prison I've created
where only you and I reside
I become confused about what I'm really feeling inside and I
try to rid the thoughts that are highly debated as false and I
begin to cry and
think of casting love spells so that the universe can deliver this affair
I know it's unfair
but I don't care
I'm obsessed with what hasn't happened between us
I'm obsessed with your heart and that the fact that
I don't think you've even noticed my selfish innuendos
and secret undertones that blatantly express my lust
Or maybe you have and you calmly remain in resistance of distrust
If you could only read my mind by simply touching my fingertips,
I'm sure I'd catch you out the corner of my eye biting your bottom lip
I'm obsessed with the passion and thoughts I think you have
Obsessing over an experience that I may never have....
In my heart there’s no longer
loneliness from longing for love.
Finally found someone to love,
but he is my silent sorrow manifest.
In my chest there’s still even now
a prolonging lonesomeness.
Finally found somewhere to live,
but it is my isolating incubation erect.
In my head there’s still me, myself,
and I comforting my lonely heart.
Finally found someway to befriend,
but they are my persona’s karma manifest.
In my soul there’s no longer
loneliness from longing for love.
Finally found some truth of whom I am,
but my heart’s still filled with loneliness.
The Color Missing
Red, black, and blue are the colors of our work pens. Red is the color of the blood we spill on other people’s mistakes. Blue is the color of the songs we sing on tax forms or pay stubs- every page has a secret melody. Black is the color of the streets we fear most. Black is the color of our signature of approval. Black is the color of our death.
‘But what about the Green pens?’ I ask. They say ‘the ink is too hard to see.’
A void of Facebook
Creativity dies here...
A long list of names with not a friend among them
Is it just of book of hidden faces
Not a single word I've ever said was
written with truth
And here's the proof
When there's tears streaming down my face
Stuck in place
Is a smile that is a lie
When every time I look around
I want to die
No friendly faces, in the brightest of places
And I can't make a sound
Is this life or is it just a dark hell
How is one to live without living
Lost in a sea of sound
The darkness inside me
Is seeping through my heart
and making me lose my self control
Turn the shower up higher so they don't hear me cry
It's all I can do, just living a lie
The friends I thought I had
left when I was reaching my lowest
Now as I sink below the surface
The sun is the dimmest of lights
Scratching at my sides
Not ready to go back to the blade
So long gone, I've reached the breaking point
but I'm afraid to let go
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
I Went to Church Last Sunday…
I went to church last Sunday, and heard a lesson…
I felt like I was almost in a “delicatessen.”
A “menu” was served, with a “meal” given.
And a “pep talk’” on “how good we’re livin’!
We were asked to shake a hand, “and meet a friend.”
“But don’t say anything that may offend!”
Our comfort was sought after, with “love” in mind!
We were taught to be “considerate and kind!”
We sang a few songs, and raised a few hands…
And got up and down, all through the stands!
A pastor spoke a message, he wanted to be taught.
A “feel good” message is what he sought!
How many “feel good” messages do we need?
In what direction does this church want to lead?
Is it one that doesn’t have a fear of God,
Is this a place where one
can find freedom from sin???
We need more than a Sunday lesson,
to change this nation!
We need God’s power! With Holy Ghost conviction!
We need pastors that are on fire, with a passion and zeal!
And the believe that Christ’ coming is very real!
May there be a new focus, of Christ’ death on the cross!
And much more emphasis on reaching the lost!
Going to church On Sunday, doesn’t mean a thing…
If living 100 percent for Jesus, doesn’t mean anything!
May your church on Sunday be stirred from above!
And be filled with God’s power,
his holiness and love!!!
By Jim Pemberton
An old man looking out his door,
gaze fixed on a distant shore,
reminiscing to a time, not of happiness,
or, the prospect of a bright future,
to when he was sick to his very core,
to when as a youth, he went to war
A time before infallibility had meaning,
patriotism and bravado the craze,
the future was still unknown,
vigor for life at its all time high,
a time for romance, partying, buying,
no thought of pain, deformity, dying
Too young to understand or question,
ship to foreign shore, medals abound,
will impress the girls next time in town,
sacrifice not temporary,
a legacy etched into a wall, few will remember,
flesh shredded, burned, torn,
A time, when he willingly went to war,
will happen no more,
all lost in youth, now unrelenting,
no blind obedience,
long life, his number one ambition
As he turns back from the door,
he thinks of the youth,
here now, soon no more,
lessons never learned,
the call to war,
to common the roar,
complacency the mood,
another generation removed
The old man agonizes
over what was originally not known,
war is preventable,
life too precious to waste,
the solution simple,
his vision, maybe too late
Send old men to the front to fight,
arthritis, heart disease, poor eyesight,
let the youth enjoy their life,
his near over, its only right
Send old men, to the front, to fight
ask them to give up their life,
patriotism and bravado, still alive,
will and desire would not last the night,
old men do not rush to death in their twilight,
failure inevitable, the old man smiles,
knows he's right
Wars not possible,
if old men, are sent to fight
I Know of Someone Holding Unforgiveness!
I know of someone holding unforgiveness!
This has led to a life of much bitterness!
Toward his brother, he’s held on to a grudge.
From his viewpoint, he won’t even “budge.”
No matter what God’s word has clearly spoken…
He’s walked with a heart
that’s been broken!
His son prayed that God would speak to him!
That he would forgive, so God could heal him!
Forgiveness is a powerful thing to do!
If you want God’s mercy to
flow through you!
We’re not called to “hold back,”
the love God’s given!
Through Christ shed blood…
We’re all forgiven!
May the love of Christ come and touch us!
It’s no secret how much God
really loves us!
Please come Lord Jesus! And touch our soul!
May we express your love, wherever we go!
May God’s gentle love, be what always binds us!
HIS words; “love one another,”
do remind us!
By Jim Pemberton
Man's Corruption... God's Redemption!
The Bible speaks of man's sin and corruption.
That's why God has offered us, his redemption!
The heart is desperately wicked above all things.
There's an evil corruption that sin brings!
The Lord searches our heart and tests our ways.
He watches our lives, all of our days!
There's nothing good in ourselves.
Not now, or ever!
Without God's mercy...
We're doomed forever!
But, through Christ, there's a way and a plan!
He made this available to every woman and man!
His gift of salvation is a message of love, made clear!
The coming of Jesus Christ,
draws ever so near!
We can trade our sinful corruption,
for a new way of living!
Won't you come before the Lord,
with a heart of giving?
Giving our life to Jesus,
is the best thing to do!
By his power and grace, you can be
made BRAND NEW!
I'm thankful for his salvation!
Mercy has been applied!
Because of Christ' death on the cross…
I'm now sanctified!
By Jim Pemberton
What Does Marriage Mean to YOU?
What all hear various definitions
of what marriage means.
Not realizing the consequences
this often brings!
There’s often a lack of commitment and faithfulness.
Many still looking for a true source of happiness!
This institution, that God set up as a husband and wife.
Needs to have his spirit,
to guide our life!
It’s no wonder why, there’s many falling apart!
It’s causing heartache and many broken hearts!
No court in the land can wash away sin’s dark stain.
When adultery happens, things aren’t the same!
May we all seek to ask God
to strengthen our home!
He’s there to help us!
When we feel all alone!
We need the blood of Jesus to daily cleanse us!
He wants to do this! Because he loves us!
Jesus remains committed, faithful and strong!
His word will teach us what’s right and wrong!
May we seek HIS guidance and council!
You’ll find, that he is always most helpful!
Please Jesus… Heal the broken families
across this nation!
For only you can provide
a much needed foundation!
By Jim Pemberton
It's A Pleasure to Really KNOW Jesus!
Often people get in trouble for deviant activity.
This often shortens their life's longevity!
As people strive or pleasure in so many things...
They don't think of the heartache this often brings!
Many seek pleasures, but are never fulfilled!
Often becoming self centered, and stubborn willed!
The "excitement" they want, doesn't last very long.
Soon, they don't know where they really belong!
If it's the thrills and joys of life, you've been spending...
Isn't it about time, that you just stop "pretending?"
The pleasure many want will NEVER be there!
Is anyone really listening? Does anyone care?
If it's pleasure many want... Look no more!
We are what Christ' love is really meant for!
Jesus Christ gives the best pleasure we'll find!
He's faithful, honest, graceful and most kind!
Isn't if about time, you let him turn you around?
And let him put your life on a solid ground?
He can do it now! By the power of his shed blood!
And truly bless your life! From heaven above!
I'm so thankful to him, for the joy he brings!
He is God! And can provide ANYTHING!
By Jim Pemberton
Are You Happy With the Life You Have?
Are you truly happy with the life you have?
Or have you been discouraged and sad?
Have the things in life brought you contentment?
Or are you one who’s often filled with resentment?
The feelings you have, and the ambitions inside…
Is there some trouble that you’re trying to hide?
Everything you have… God has given to you!
His promises are true!
And he’ll never fail you!
The happiness you may be seeking,
you can find in him!
You can find peace,
hope and satisfaction within!
Christ can bring a healing that you won’t find!
Won’t you give him a chance?
While there’s still time?
What profits a man if he gains the world,
or loses his soul?
Jesus loves you so much!
More than you’ll ever know!
The opportunity is here, for you to take!
Won’t you give God a chance? For heaven’s sake?
By Jim Pemberton 10/14/13
I’m not the kind of person I need to be!
There’s too many problems inside of me!
I’m not the kind of person you’d want to know…
I’ve too many worries and a troubled soul!
I’m the kind of person who has a lot of stress!
Lately, my life has been one big mess!
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t have a friend.
You listen to me now…
But may never see me again!
I’m the kind of person who’s gone through pain!
I wake up some days,
and don’t even know my name!
I may not be the kind of person you’d
want to be around.
I may get discouraged, and “get you down.”
I’m the kind of person who’s giving Jesus a chance…
I know he loves me! Whatever the circumstance!
I’m the kind of person who needs a lot of prayer!
I know that God listens! And is always there!
Please help me Jesus! That I may be set free!
May it be your love that others will see!
Thank you Jesus! For being my savior and friend!
You’re someone that this person can always depend!
I’m not the kind of person that Jesus wants me to be!
That’s why I need more of HIM!
And LESS of me!
By Jim Pemberton
There’s a Web of Temptation and Sin!
There’s a web of temptation and a lot of sin…
That brings slavery and a strong bondage within!
Throughout this land, there’s an evil surge!
While many lives, seem to be getting “submerged!”
Being submerged, into a life, that many believe in.
They become perverted, but want all to receive them!
The “love and acceptance,”
that many desire.
Puts them on a tightrope! A very thin wire!
As the web of temptation and sin begin to grow.
It brings a bondage that damages the soul!
They may want to have “love and acceptance.”
But in their hearts, needs to be a godly repentance!
May the holiness of a righteous God be stirred!
That all will come back, to the truth of his word!
His son Jesus, came to the cross! He bled and died!
That through him, our lives can be totally sanctified!
Only the power of God, can bring a needed restoration!
He gives to one and all…
A heavenly invitation!
Whosoever will… Come now! And accept him!
Won’t you take the time, to really know him?
Don’t allow the web of life to destroy
and overcome you!
Come to Jesus now! He really does
By Jim Pemberton
Satan HATES everything that God loves!
He tries to counterfeit everything he does!
He goes about as a lion, seeking whom to devour!
He comes after us! But God alone has the power!
Satan will twist God’s truth, into a corruptible lie!
He has one mission!
And that is to see you die!
He wants to enslave you into deep addictions!
And bring into your life, unneeded afflictions!
He has one purpose, ambition and goal…
Is to seek eternal damnation of your very soul!
Jesus has come! His TRUTH can set you free!
He has come that you may have life abundantly!
Won’t you accept him? You can overcome!
Through the shed blood, and power of God’s son!
All glory to Jesus! All praise to
HIM on high!
He is your protector!
He is El-Shaddai!
Won’t you allow God’s love
to bring you salvation?
He offers it to right now!
A heavenly invitation!
God’s love is stronger than Satan!
HE reigns supreme!
He can help you to overcome,
the lies the devil brings!
By Jim Pemberton
There’s a lot in life, that I don’t understand!
And a lot of wickedness throughout this land!
A lot of heartache and misery, is what I’m seeing!
Any kind of commitment, seems to be disappearing!
Being faithful to anything, seems to be of the past.
My lives seem to be falling apart… And fast!
Any principles of Godly living, seem to be ignored.
So many appear to be,
“complacent and bored.”
I often wonder what God must be thinking.
When it seems like this whole world is “sinking!”
I’ve decided to come to Jesus! And really pray!
That people will really listen to what God has to say!
“What shall the righteous do,
if the foundations are destroyed?”
Very soon, many of our “freedoms,”
will not be enjoyed!
Please, dear Jesus, come and heal our broken nation!
Help us all to confess our sins!
And accept your salvation!
Please come and bring your peace and love within!
That we may seek the living God! Once again!
God is our only hope! It’s in him, that we’re strong!
It’s in his arms of mercy, that we all belong!
Please God… Come and touch us with your healing!
It’s only in you, that we have a true meaning!
By Jim Pemberton
Just When It Seems Like Life Is Overwhelming!
Just when it seems like I’ve faced
my darkest night…
And things in life,
aren’t turning out right…
This is about the time, when things
are falling apart!
And I began to feel a lot of stress in my heart!
I run to Jesus! I know that he wants to help me!
He’s always here! And promises to never leave me!
He sees me, and speaks words
of comfort, to follow!
He reminds me, that he’ll take care
of today and tomorrow!
He lets me know that he won’t let go of my hand!
Everything I’m going through…
He turns back all of the problems that are overwhelming!
And I see what things my life, are becoming!
I have fellowship with Jesus! Like I never had before!
He’s given to me peace and hope! And much more!
I’m glad I have such a wonderful
friend like this!
His love and joy… I don’t want to miss!
Thank you Jesus! For turning my life around!
And for plating my life on a solid ground!
You’re all I want! And all that I’ve needed!
With you as my Lord! My life has been completed!
By Jim Pemberton
We’re Just Sinful Human Beings!
All of us are just sinful human beings!
Scripture says; “the heart is sinful above everything!”
Even if we try to hide and wash our sins away…
Wickedness in our heart, is there, each day!
God made Adam and Eve, with perfection!
But sin crept in, like a deep and wicked infection!
He put them in the Garden of Eden with a choice.
It was up to them to listen to his voice.
They had all they could want, with one instruction.
Disobeying this, would lead to their destruction.
Satan took the form of a snake to tempt their mind.
And their disobedience affected all of mankind!
Since that time, mankind has needed atonement!
Only the blood of Jesus can cleanse you! This very moment!
Only his blood can wash away sin’s dark stain!
It can only be found when one calls on Jesus’ name!
We’ve all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory!
But wait! This doesn’t have to be the end of the story!
God and all of his angels in heaven, are waiting for YOU!
The love and blood of Jesus,
can make you BRAND NEW!
His love, for our sins, is what he offers in exchange!
You can be forgiven! And forever totally changed!
This opportunity is for you, to reach out and take!
Won’t you do it now? For eternity’s sake???
By Jim Pemberton
Read the Bible and the words that are said.
Times of trouble and tribulation are ahead!
All one has to do is read the book of revelation.
To read about this world and this nation!
Days of wickedness and evil that abounds..
Shall very soon. Come
“crashing to the ground!”
For our sin, there’s a price that has been paid!
Many have become sin’s servant and slave!
Many will not escape God’s judgment and wrath!
They’ve chosen the wrong direction and path!
Right now... There’s a path
and a way to “escape!”
Please do it right now! Before it’s too late!
The right path to take, is through Christ alone!
He must be the lord of your heart and home!
Jesus alone, can bring hope to your soul!
He’ll never leave you!
Is what he wants you to know!
Times of trouble and uncertainty
are well on their way!
Christ can help you to overcome!
He can do it TODAY!
By Jim Pemberton
A serpent underneath blue sky,
in shade of man, in twinkle of an eye,
above brick wall, in the structure, at the floor,
venom of white dove; contaminated food, undrinkable water,
misguided youth, pregnant daughter, unfaithful father and hateful son,
mothers do pray while we walk through Babylon;
on teli and in the press, on top shells,
price none the less, in bedroom and at your door..
dawn of a new day seemed to be dark,
I am a misprint,
Ink blot on love,
I remain a maybe
Longing for fact,
No speck of lint,
A hand in glove.
Thunder; a baby
Will only react
When you etch
Whistling on cue
To a dead town.
Dream a sketch
Of silent crowds
This boiling crown
Holes in the walls
To spy through,
Seeking a sort
Of bricked-up sun.
A heaven of halls,
All leaving you.
Someone Felt Like Giving Up!
I know someone who wanted to give up.
Things in life began to “trip him up.”
After much thought and contemplation.
He really offered no real explanation.
He felt like his life was at a “dead end road.”
He said he couldn’t continue
with a heavy load.
No matter how many different things he tried.
He was not happy… Nor satisfied!
He began to share a piece of his mind…
He was ready to leave everything behind.
The choices that he had sometime ago…
Began to “wear” at his heart and soul!
I tried to encourage him the best I could.
But I’m not sure he really understood.
As I watched him go his separate way…
I said; “there’s something I wanted to say.”
“There’s a God who reigns in haven above!”
“He wants to fill you with his hope and love!”
“He knows and cares about everything you’ll do!”
“He’s loving and kind!” “And wants to help YOU!”
As I spoke, I could see he thought for a minute.
A commitment to God… He decided to give it!
He decided to give it all to a God who won’t fail him!
He wanted to serve a God,
who wants to bless him!
He’s happy now that this choice was taken!
With Jesus… He’s never alone nor forsaken!
By Jim Pemberton
Jesus, Help Me to Have Good Thoughts!
There’s thoughts and images Satan plants in my head.
I know that he ultimately wants me spiritually dead!
He tries to twist the truth into a “false reality.”
But wants me to end up as a spiritual fatality!
There are many crazy dreams that are out there!
It’s the evil and sinful ones that Satan wants in there!
I know this very well! And have failed many times!
I know it was wrong… But I didn’t commit a crime!
But I’ve taken what God beautifully designed…
By allowing ungodly thoughts to enter my mind!
I need to allow God’s spirit and words to cleanse me!
No matter how many things try to distract me!
God’s word is truth and is always 100% pure!
It’s the only thing that can make my life secure!
Anything else is falso! And a strong delusion!
If I allow my life and mind to be filled with pollution!
I ask for Jesus’ blood and forgiveness to be applied!
Anything that I need… God has already supplied!
I ask for the Holy Spirit to help and bring about!
The cleansing of the filth, in my life throughout!
Please dear Jesus, touch and heal me once again!
By the renewing of your blood, and taking away my sin!
By Jim Pemberton
I do not know?
The Petty Posh-Wahzee - Liberation & Ostentation
The Not-So Distant Past:
The fallen fighters for freedom, are unable to turn in their graves,
their battered, fragmented bones, mixed with a handful of torn rags,
are all that remain, a mute reminder of their selfless valiant sacrifice.
They endured brutal Apartheid harassment, detentions without trial,
torture in the cells, and mental anguish when loved ones disappeared,
they left their homeland, to continue the struggle against racial bigotry,
while countless others fought the scourge of white-minority rule at home.
Nelson Mandela and many, many others, spent their lives imprisoned,
on islands of stone, and on islands of the cruellest torture, yet they stood,
never bowing, never scraping, they stood, firm for ideals for which they were prepared to die,
and many, many comrades did die, at the hands of the callous oppressor,
and many, many comrades perished in distant lands, torn from their homes,
while the struggle continued, for decades, soaked in blood, in tears, in pain.
19 years have passed, since freedom was secured at the highest of prices,
delivering unto us, this present, a gift of emancipation from servitude,
a freedom to walk this land, head held high, no longer second-class citizens,
in the land of our ancestors, whose voices we hear and need to heed today.
I do not care much for fashion, Lewis-Fit-On and Sleeves unSt.-Moron,
yet the ostentation that I witness baffles even my unsophisticated palate,
our ancestors' plaintive whispers are being dismissed, left unheeded, as
we browse the aisles for more and more, always for more and yet more.
Asphyxiated by the excess of the Petty Posh-Wahzee, we find ourselves,
perched precariously on the edge, of a dissolution of all that is humane,
babies go hungry, wives are battered, our elders left in hospitals for hours,
I cringe as I scribble these words, perhaps too sanctimonious and preachy,
yet I know, deep in the marrow of my brittle bones, I know, I know, I know,
this tree of freedom planted by the nameless daughters and sons of Africa,
needs to be shielded, nurtured, protected from our very own baser impulses,
so that the precious tree of freedom, may bear the fruit that may feed us all,
for if not, then we are doomed, to tip over, and into the yawning abyss, we shall fall.
But I wasn't heard,
But you scattered,
But you destroyed,
But you acted,
We were determined,
But you exterminated...
You were blind,
I was sighted,
You were darkened,
I was lightened,
I was myself,
You weren't yourself...
I was lone,
No one cared.
I was ignored,
No one cared,
About my emotions...
For many years... My life has been
Filled with hopelessness
Many things I thought I had enjoyed...
Have left in me... A large and empty void!
Many nights, I would
cry myself to sleep.
Knowing the hole my life was in,
was very, very deep.
Then one day, I called out to God!
I wasn’t sure if he’d listen!
My family, my old church,
I was now missin'.
My family prayed for me for so many years.
I often brought them embarrassment and tears.
God... I tried everything else...
I want to come back to you!
I need you now Jesus! I really do!
Please come into my heart,
and cleanse me within!
Set me free from all addictions and sin!
I know that you will never let go of my hand.
My whole life, on your word,
I shall now stand.
Only you can satisfy the emptiness in my soul!
I am now complete,
satisfied, and made whole!
By Jim Pemberton
My brother came to me,
desperate for prayer!
Filled with hopelessness and despair!
I reached out to him to
begin to pray…
But I couldn’t find any words to say!
The Holy Spirit began tugging
at my heart within…
Convicting me of holding
on to a “secret sin.”
THIS SIN, God told me
I must first let go,
For this was eating
at my soul!
My prayer life had been
such a mess!
I repented! And to God… I confessed!
I called out to Jesus’
Inviting him into my
heart to reign!
On bended knees before my Lord
I began to bow,
My prayer was going to be answered… Somehow!
The prayer request for my brother
Was going to be met!
For God has never failed me YET!
By Jim Pemberton
In my life I often feel I am alone; alone in my thoughts, alone in my musings, alone in my day-to-day movements and unsatisfying activities. I move like a ghost through hallways and down sidewalks, unnoticed and, at times, gratefully so.
I do not wish to be eternally alone. I long for togetherness. But despite this desire for a real connection, I find myself regularly retreating from that temperamental beast that is human interaction.
“Come on now, sweetheart. Don’t lower your head. Don’t look away. Look up! Smile at someone! No! Don’t go back into your bedroom. Don’t lock the door! Why are you doing this?” my brain will plea.
I can’t help myself. Aloneness is comfortable. In being alone, I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. I don’t have to please anyone else. I can think anything I want, wear anything I want, listen to anything I want, and laugh at anything I want.
And still there remains that nagging desire to be loved and wanted and needed by somebody. I do not know the feeling of being truly desired. I do not know what it is like for someone to crave my company, my smile, my kiss, or my touch.
But I would like to…
I cannot make someone love me or like me or want me in some primal way. It may hurt, but I cannot make that handsome boy want to hold my hand or brush my hair back behind my ear. I can only struggle on. I can only work within myself. I can only try every God damn day to hold my head up, keep my eyes fixed ahead, a give the world the best smile I have. I and I alone can bring myself out of the safety of my bedroom and into the bright world that lies beyond that locked door.
I often find myself alone with nothing more than my thoughts and the ever-strong glow of a computer screen. But no longer will aloneness be the constant in my life. It is true that never having known the caress of a man’s hand on my thigh doesn't make me any less of a woman, but I fear that if I stay confined within myself much longer I will begin to become less of a human. A flower cannot grow if it retracts its leaves and petals every time it feels the warmth of the sun or the kiss of a gentle spring rain.
And I want to grow. I want to grow so tall and blossom so big and beautifully that every place on earth is touched by my shadow at some point in the day. And I will grow. I will push myself and share myself with the world, and finally
know the closeness and comfort of love and honest, unabashed companionship.