I am forever blue,
Just like the sky,
All the rain that falls on you,
Is how I feel when I cry.
I am deep blue like the sea,
Barely breathing beneath the waves,
How lonely can one be?,
There's nothing left here to save.
This feeling is not once in a blue moon,
It lasts all day and night,
It's as deep as a blue lagoon,
With no end in sight.
The frosty air is so cold,
On this blue December night,
Here is what my future holds,
And I know it isn't right.
My whole life has been so blue,
With so many turns like a river,
The water is so cold now, too,
It makes me really shiver.
My future is so blue,
And this is my only end,
I want to tell you, I love you,
Because you're my only friend.
I’m sick of this world
Sick to the core
And I can’t forgive
Or pretend anymore
I smile but I’m crying
I am through being kind
I hate people playing
Around with my mind
I know I’m naive
I know I’m a fool
But it’s hard to see
How you can be cruel
You just carry on
Pretend I’m ok
When all that I want
Is to end this day
I just want to hide
I want to break free
From all who torment
And who torture me
I’ve just had enough
Enough of these tears
Enough of this life
Enough of these fears
It’s just too damn hard
To get it all right
To deal with this hurt
To sleep through the night
My heart is broken
This isn't a joke
I guess it happened
From all that you spoke
You didn't say sorry
You just walked away
You think I’m a stone…
Or some game to play
I’m heaving with sobs
I struggle, and cry
Try to understand
Your sick reason why
Want to crawl in bed
And lock myself in
What you’ve done to me
Is surely a sin
I’m sick, I’m alone
You’ve gouged out my heart
Go and now and sleep tight
While I fall apart.
Eileen Manassian Ghali
What was going through your head
When you decided to end your life
Did you consider your love ones at all
Leaving behind your sons and wife
Failing to show up for work on Monday
Not calling or coming home that night
Leaving your family frantic and scared
So cruel of you to leave them in this plight
You were reported missing to the police
Your car found on Tuesday near Niagara Falls
Witnesses seen you jump in the icy waters
Just thinking about it.....my skin crawls
Three weeks later, your body still not found
Your wife is still struggling to stay strong
Posting pictures of you in happier times
Sorrow you left behind will be lifelong
Now your boys will grow up fatherless
Never understanding the reason why
Damage done to them emotionally
Tears of confusion and anguish as they cry
A small community remains shell shocked
The awfulness of it all is so hard to digest
The reasons why we'll never truly know
May your tormented soul now be at rest
12/ 09/ 2013
*A sad and true story, his children are in my son's school.
Lightning flashes and the rain falls
as the storm rages on tonight,
the family is so worried about you
and wanting to know you're alright.
Late, last Sunday afternoon
you tried to take your own life,
twice with the same medication
that was supposed to end your strife.
You were taken away and we don't
even know where you are right now,
but everyone is just hoping
that you can comeback somehow.
What ever happened to you,
that caring person you once were,
who could always make me laugh
oh, how I do remember her.
You took care of me when
I needed someone to be there,
so many good memories flash back
of the fun times we would share.
We are all still wondering why
you are suffering in depression,
and how could you ever hurt us
with such unexpected aggression.
You left your teenage son
alone in a state of panic and fear,
now we can only wish and wait
for some kind of real cure.
I wrote this after my aunt tried to commit suicide last Sunday, June 15th.
Thankfully, she was not successful. She has been struggling with depression
for about 10 years and this is the worst state that we've ever seen her in.
Our family and the doctors keep trying to help her, but nothing has worked yet.
So, we will have to wait and see where things go from here, as we still have no
word on her current condition.
We are not a religious family, but it might help if you could send out your
positive thoughts, and maybe keep us in your prayers during this difficult
and confusing time.
Tomorrow might mean angel day
To be followed by one angelic night
Tomorrow I may view an angel’s display
A dais of delectable delight
I can never be certain when she will alight
One of Heaven’s most hallowed sights
For forever I will fear her final flight
No more love, laughter nor luminescent light
My ‘morrow might mean angel’s wings
And a soul of sublimation
A heavenly body to which this man clings
And I’ve clung so long to the finery of fascination
Tomorrow’s sun to shine on mine
Mine angel who was weaned on wonder and sacramental wine
A lady who is afar far too often for me
She who opens an enchanting door for me
Tomorrow’s moon might mean wings away
Oh if ever my angel couldst ever stay
No more to bear an angel’s softly sighed fare well
An angel at the ready with a seraphim's spell
The lazy look upon her eyes,
Revealed the essence of little white lies;
Giving a grin and swimming in sin,
She cannot hide what's deep inside.
Silently sealed beneath the surface,
Lies held hostage with no purpose;
The price of deception won't cost any less,
Sadly she suffers stressed and depressed.
Tormented by her inner demons,
For tales she told with no clear reason;
Stuck standing in a pitiful place,
With nowhere to go, she's lost the race.
The lies unfold when she did not care,
To bear the burden of her secret affair;
Filled with deep anguish, from her loss of love,
She laid in the tub, in a bath of blood.
Dark of Night
In the dark of night I awaken
the nightmare comes again
In a cold sweat, head and heart racing
I know it will stop, but when?
my Brother! I scream out loud
oh God, he needs to be healed
found him with a gun in his mouth
suicide-it’s the real deal
again it must be the family curse
as for brothers-he’s number four
with three dead of booze and pills I didn’t think It could get worse
like their dying is settling some score
he didn’t show any fear
even when the gun went CLICK!
he was calm and his intention was clear
like in a scene from some movie clip
In an instant he would have be gone
and blood splattered all over the place
I’d be tormented by what went wrong
each time I remembered his face
locked away in a place he can’t get away from
he’s struggling, he says he’s had enough
battered and weathered by a violent storm
wading through it is going to be tough
at 55, he almost died by his hand
God spared my brothers’ life
but he’s still a broken, suffering man
who cries in the dark of night