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Quatrain Humorous Poems | Quatrain Poems About Humorous

These Quatrain Humorous poems are examples of Quatrain poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Quatrain Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Picnics and Sand

Now I know that beach side picnics and sand
No matter how careful the planning go hand in hand
But it seems whether you sit or whether you stand
Nothing quite goes as you had planned

It doesn't really care where it goes
And I don't just mean between your toes
In your eyes and up your nose
And it doesn't smell like a bleeping rose!

In my shoes and down my shorts
I believe with demons this stuff consorts
To going naked I might resort
And I know I've swallowed at least a quart

When this picnic is over and back home I go
To the warm water of the showers flow
I'll wonder if your troubles are the same as mine
Do you have sand stuck where the sun doesn't shine?

©Donna Jones

Copyright © Donna Jones | Year Posted 2013

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head typist

archy - cockroach reincarnate
from a free verse poet no less
now saw life from the underside
and had to get his thoughts to press

he sneaked onto a writer's desk
at a newspaper late at night
way back in the nineteen-hundreds
it was the finest place to write

the typewriter was set to go
with a sheet all lined up nice
now he just had to find a way
to operate the damn device

unpossessed of hands or fingers
he was suddenly filled with dread
to overcome this handicap
he'd have to really use his head

archy scaled the massive framework
and dived head down with mighty force
the impact and his weight sufficed
barely to type one key of course

no way he could use the shift key
punctuation was not worthwhile
he'd have to use just lowercase
and write in e e cummings style

time and time again he nose-dived
and pounded out a line complete
and then pushed back on the carriage
until it made that ding so sweet

it seemed labor sisyphean
but at last his verse was done
and then he collapsed exhausted
just at the rising of the sun

his column made the daily paper
and many others after that
thanks to his sponsor don marquis
and friend mehitabel the cat

so if you like philosophy
and wry wit that knocks you dead
you should read the verse of archy
a poet who used his head

April 18, 2013

Some of my favorite books as a teenager
were the collections of Archy's articles
penned by Don Marquis from 1916-1936.
These stories were originally illustrated 
by George Herriman, the creator of Krazy Kat.

One of my favorites was "the lesson of the moth"
a nice bit of existentialism, I think...

Copyright © Roy Jerden | Year Posted 2013

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Farewell to the Vampire

Parted curtains
puff of smoke.
Parlor trick
or cruel joke?

First a bat,
then human form—
eyes aglow,
fangs enorm.

And in the mirror,
no image there;
it stilled my heart
and stifled prayer.

But Drac was old
and suffered so;
his timing off,
reactions slow.

As he lunged
I stepped aside;
mallet ready,
his chest I eyed.

He lay there stunned,
at last my break;
I then asked how
he’d like his stake.

2nd Place, Poems from the Vampire, Just That Archaic Poet

Copyright © Mark Peterson | Year Posted 2013

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Paper Comic

Some don't think  I'm funny
But that's not true at all
Others think I'm serious
Although I'm having a ball

I have a sense of humor
Even though it is my own
I sometimes laugh quite loudly
Mostly when I am alone

When I see other's antics
It's not my wish to be rude
So I listen to each word
And to their actions I am glued

I keep my thoughts to myself
Most of the laughter is inside
For my inner comedian 
Is the one enjoying the ride

All my gathered material
The observations I have made
Conversations and actions
In my mind are all replayed

By reading my words with intent
You'll witness the humour within
My methods are somewhat subtle
For my content is paper thin

Copyright © Richard Lamoureux | Year Posted 2014

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Ode to the Not So Innocent Fifties

If only I had been a teen in the Fifties
I'm sure I would have had "Happy Days",
Like Fonzie I would have donned a leather jacket
And young babes would have lavished me with praise

Like James Dean I would have that swagger
There'd be a cigarette hanging from my lips
I'd have the right moves on the dance floor
They would say "Check out those Elvis Hips!"

You would see me riding down main street 
On my Harley with a babe on the back
Making our way to A&W
The best burger before a Mac attack

Once done eating we'd go to the Drive in
If dad would lend me his new Chevrolet
The back seat would be way more comfortable
Then a roll in the barn in the hay!

With fogged windows we wouldn't see the Movie
We'd still hear Humphry Bogart and Becall 
Passionately rounding all love's bases
Not concearned about the movie at all!

So now I am living in my fifties
I'm Fifty three years old to be exact
The back seats have gotten much smaller
And I am way to uncool to attract!

For Kelly Deschler's Decade Contest.

Copyright © Richard Lamoureux | Year Posted 2015

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School boy lessons Erotic Humor

She said "I'll show you mine
if you're willing to show me yours."
I didn't waste a second
I promptly dropped my drawers!

I was rather embarrased
She looked and started to giggle
My little man was at attention
While the boys  did their jiggle

After she stopped her laughing
I thought it would be my turn
Me an eager student
willing and able to learn

In the end I learned my lesson
She wanted to look through my tests
But my young mind was occupied
Transfixed by her beautiful breasts

So I quickly pulled up my pants
Time to put the two boys away
My little man sadly shrinking
Disappointed that he couldn't play

When she seen my embarrassment 
She said "okay come have a look."
Please let it be her Yoo hoo
and not just some silly book

Holding out the band of her panties
She said "go ahead and reach in"
I was a happy explorer
Extreamly eager to begin

As the girl started moaning
I was sure I had got it right
She said "if you want to find it,
perhaps we need a little light."

So she started undressing
A vision there before my eyes
Her breasts a bit of perfection
Perky and just the right size

She said we'd have to work quickly
Before her parents came back
She pushed me down on the bed
and promptly began her attack

With force she ripped of my trousers
Thankfully she knew what to do
I let her have her way with me
The boys were no longer blue

She looked at me with a smile
Told me "it's time for you to go.
The next lesson will be better,
I'll teach you how to be slow!"


Copyright © Richard Lamoureux | Year Posted 2015

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An Ode To Pink Poop

Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink Or smelled like a dozen red roses Beautiful music was heard when we tooted There'd be no need for holding noses We'd relish the thought of soiling our whites To show off a new shade of pink And proud to fart Ludwig's Fifth Symphony While sitting on the throne by the sink It can possibly be construed as a bit unusual To be writing a poem about poop But pink poop deserves special recognition So let's all just let out a big whoop! Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink And smelled to high heaven of roses We'd be so proud of our load of pink magic There'd be no need for holding noses © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Cliches Debunked

To 'ride on somebody's coat tails' Is the most dangerous thing you can do 'Keep a stiff upper lip' is another cliché Mine's not stiff, how about you? 'One good turn deserves another' Turns my stomach if you must ask 'There's no fool like an old fool' I'm quite offended by the last 'Sticks and stones will break my bones' Can break someone's heart as well So if somebody up and says this to you Tell them to go straight to hell 'A penny for your thoughts' is yet another That's pretty damn cheap I'd say A dollar would certainly be more in line With the times we live in today 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' Who made up this silly old verse A bird in the hand is quite messy I'd say Poop on your fingers or worse So I've come to the obvious conclusion Concerning the debunking of clichés Refuse to use 'em coz people abuse 'em You'll wind up much happier I say © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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How Wounded Thunder Earned His Name

               You stand on "Wounded Thunder's” hallowed ground.

                He boomed such boastful tales  that fearless chief!

                There was no brave as clever to be found

                until he met the source of all his grief.

                There came a one who all his tricks would tell,

                and this is where he made his greatest blunder.

                The minx so bold who knew him all too well

                he married, . . . . and her name was "Stealing Thunder."

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2013

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Please Don't Tell My Super Jock Friends

Actually saw my first robin today Gayly flitting from branch to branch Please don't tell my super jock friends They're just waiting for a chance They'll start calling me “sweetie pie” And kissing me on the cheek Ask if they could escort me to the ball And giving my nose a wee tweak I'm just as manly as all those guys With a soft side they don't possess No excuses for my feminine tendencies Even comfortable wearing a dress Okay maybe that's going too far The wearing of a dress I mean Really haven't stopped playing with dolls Now live ones wearing tight jeans Can't believe this all started with a robin A harbinger of upcoming spring As I gayly prance through fields of clover To a bouquet of roses I cling! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Ice Cream In Vegetable Soup

Got an ice cream cone in one hand While typing with the other Why does ice cream make us seniors Beg for another and another! Isn't ice cream only for kiddies? Wow! That's surely not the case Old folks can down a chocolate sundae Beg for more with a messy face! Maybe it makes us feel younger Or it's simply just a treat As we lick away like happy spaniels A sensation that can't be beat! Really not shy about our craving We'd fight for another scoop There's many other ways to try it Imagine ice cream in vegetable soup? So stay away from old folks When they're lining up for some They'll push and shove and step on your face For a scoop of butterscotch rum! © Jack Ellison 2015

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015

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Let Your Wind Blow Free

Must explain my reason for grinning It's not what you might think Got a cramp down in my nether regions Maybe too many beans methinks It's easy for people to think I'm just happy Coz I am the majority of the time The look on my face can be very similar This time it emanates from behind Think I just need to let a big boomer go One that could shatter tall buildings I hesitate to let the damn thing fly For fear it would loosen people's filling Guess I'll just have to suffer in silence Till I reach a McDonald's restroom If I make it, I hope they build 'em strong Down with my drawers then kaboom! The shattered remains can still be seen They decided to make the site a memorial Seventeen people have lost their eyesight Six swore off Big Macs overall Now I've divulged my reason for grinning It's not that I'm happy, you see The real reason is internal combustion Not allowing my wind to blow free! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Laugh With Jack

Every planet in our solar system Rotates in an anticlockwise direction Except Venus which insists on being different Always one has to be the exception About 75 acres of pizzas are downed In America every single day Probably chow down about an acre myself So I do my share wouldn't you say Our eyes are always the same size from birth However noses and ears get bigger Imagine if our footsies also kept growing Hard to do the Charleston I'd figure The disgusting cockroach is the fastest animal It covers about a meter a second That's faster than me when I need to go badly Running and holding my back end They say only rabbits and parrots can see Behind without turning their heads But mothers also seem to have that ability Try stealing some cookies before bed A goldfish's memory is about 3 seconds The same as me on a good day That's excellent as far as most seniors go Wish it was longer but what the hey Iguanas can stay under water 28 minutes Me too, but I'd miss all my friends Sure hope they'd visit me one last time Before off to the furnace I descend All bubble gum contains a bit of rubber For that bouncy bally effect Makes you able to leap over tall buildings But watch you don't break your neck © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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I Wonder Would You

I wonder if our paths had crossed
In another place in time
Would you want to make me yours
With sweet seductive rhyme?

I wonder if you saw my face
would you think me beauteous fair?
And if you saw my sway, my walk
would you stop a while and stare?

I wonder if you'd ask me out
and try hard to impress
I wonder if you'd look at me
With eyes that would undress?

I wonder if you'd try and woo
my heart out from my chest?
And would you long my lips to kiss
Then try your very best?

I wonder if you'd find my smile
A ray of sunlit grace,
and would you think to say to me
"You have an angel face"?

I wonder if you'd take the time
to get to know me well,
and would you love what you had found
then cast a lover's spell?

I wonder if you'd say I'm sweet
and hope to have a taste
Then would you try to nibble me
in slow time: without haste?

I wonder, dear, I wonder 
But these wonderings won't do
For life has dealt a hand, dear one
I'm here, but where are you? 

Eileen Manassian

Copyright © Eileen Manassian | Year Posted 2015

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Laugh With Jack Revisited

Some lions mate over 50 times a day Now that's really unbelievable I'm only good for about 40 times tops 50 is almost inconceivable The dot over the “i” is called a tittle I'm aware naughty words aren't allowed Though this one's legit I looked it up But don't yell it out in church too loud Only one person in more than two billion Lives to 116 or older Sorry to disappoint you my P-Soup friends I intend to be that record holder An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain Know quite a few people like that Some are members of my immediate family They's dumber than the household cat The longest recorded flight of a chicken Is thirteen seconds, quite short Fleeing for its life from the butcher's knife Screaming “Got wives and kids to support!” Buckingham Palace has over 600 rooms Elizabeth hasn't seen Phillip in years Tried to pick up her up one night last summer Liz promptly kicked him in the rear Some worms will actually eat themselves If they're unsuccessful finding food There might come a time when I'd do that But I'd really have to be in the mood Beetles taste like apples, worms like fried bacon What weirdo discovered this Even if they paid me a gazillion dollars You wouldn't catch me licking the dish! Eeewww!!! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Apricot Tarts

As I lie here on my death bed Feeling the last beats of my heart My only regret is, I didn't close The lid on the apricot tarts Sounds like a kind of trivial thing But to some, it's a big faux pas Little things are very important To me, that's a major flaw In the overall scheme of things in life So they're not as fresh as alleged I'll eat those things any way they come Don't mind if there's fur on the edge I think they call it anal retentive And applies to so many things Like how dishes are placed in the dishwasher And how you must rinse everything I really do feel sorry for these anal people They need to start enjoying their life Stop worrying 'bout all those silly things Now you have it, my sage advice © Jack Ellison 2014

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2014

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Do Dinos Soar

Do DINOS SOAR, do fish have SOLE Do elephants have ANTS in their PHANTS Have you ever seen a real HORSE FLY Or a FIRE that's started by ANTS A PEA CAN go wherever MAN GOES Does a CROC know how to DIAL Is every HIPPOS A POT OF MUSH Can laughing hyenas just SMILE Do MANTIS PREY, does DON have a KEY Is there always at least TEN in a KIT CRYSANTHA'S MUM is such a pretty thing Do LIONS tell the truth just a bit If a PELI CAN, does she wear a Z BRA Does WILL OWE anybody money Does SNOW have a FLAKY personality A bear's favourite would BEE HONEY Are DILLS always DAFFY as far as you know Can CUMULUS CLOUD your view I hear there's some trees that are EVER GREEN Why are BOOBY'S feet always BLUE If you can answer any or all of these questions Write me at seventy-seven Cuckoo Lane I'd sure like to hear from all you folks To prove I'm not going insane © Jack Ellison 2015
(A Re-broadcast)

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015

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Knock Knock I'm Not Dead

I was taking a nap And some old chap Closed the coffin as he heard angels sing Knock knock who's there It's me! I'm not dead Now open the damn lid to this thing He fell to his knees Took off his cap And uttered a few words for my soul I was banging and shouting Freaking him out He was fast losing total control I managed somehow To break open the lid And sat up and glared at this chap By now he was babbling In a strange foreign language Running around eating his cap Leaped down to the floor Dusted myself off Got ready to get on with my day Heard him gurgle His face turning purple He keeled over dead and I prayed So I picked up this chap Lifted him into the coffin And closed the lid once again But now it was me Who heard banging inside Must be a serious glitch in my brain Knock knock who's there It's me! I'm not dead Now open the damn lid and you'll see The words that I heard As I got on my horse And galloped away from the scene © Jack Ellison 2014

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2014

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My Evil Demon

There's an evil demon lurking On the edges of my soul I try my best to push him off He's stubborn, very bold He tries to sway my thinking And how I look at things I tell him, “Take a hike! Get lost, you ding-a-ling!” He never seems to listen He insists on causing trouble It's his role he always says I'm about to burst his bubble Demons don't tell me what to do Don't need these guys to coach My standards are extremely high My actions beyond reproach There's an evil demon lurking On the edges of my soul But this here dude's not worried I'm the guy that's in control! © Jack Ellison 2012

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Basketball Heads

Made quite an impression, it seems On the chair I've been glued to so long The indentation is an exact replica Of my rear, hmmm, sounds like a song Me bum and me chair are going steady Have been since joining P-Soup Methinks maybe atrophy is setting in So I think I'll shoot some hoops It's surely a result of this computer age Our bodies will soon have no use Our heads will be the size of basketballs But our bodies will be an excuse Excuse to hold up our 100 pound heads With it's 250 gigabyte storage space We'll actually need some kind of device Or we'll continue to fall on our face Made quite an impression, it surely seems On the chair I've been glued to so long Thinks I'll go for a ride in my old jalopy An old Dodge I bought for a song © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Hump Day

It's “hump day” as it's often been called The absolute middle of the week Last weekend's gone and all but forgotten Next one will probably repeat The name may have a sexual connotation If your mind is down in the gutter Looking for something of a sexual nature Got some worse words I could utter But this guy's a fine upstanding gentleman Been called squeaky clean at times Usually take a shower three times a day I'm a sweet and fun loving kind I wouldn't say sh*t if I was covered in it Probably call it do-do or poop Could never be a manly construction worker Sure don't belong in that group © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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It's Not About Sex, Don't Be Silly

It's happened every day all around the world Perhaps even longer than eternity It's taken different forms throughout the years But hasn't really changed with certainty Women love men and men lust for women The same for thousands of years You could say I'm out front at the vanguard Leading the way for my peers Love doesn't hurt, it actually feels good If the two of you are doing it right It's the technique, it should come quite natural But I'm here if you need some advice You could say I'm a real professional at this Been loving nearly eighty years Surely some good stuff's rubbed off by now My techniques are known to my peers My rates are reasonable for obvious reasons Coz I get to pretest young fillies To make sure they understands my instructions It's not about sex, DON'T BE SILLY! © Jack Ellison 2014

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2014

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Let Your Wind Blow Free

Remember that familiar old saying “Let your wind blow free” Well I've thought of a much better idea Beneficial to you and me The methane gas we produce each day Could fuel factories for hours They could install a crepitating room They'll need a bunch of flowers You may think I'm obsessed with farts And other bodily emissions But the huge benefits could even rival The power of nuclear fission No more problem with soiled Jockeys It would stop the stains in your pants And possibly be a way to finally alleviate Those horrible nighttime cramps The future shortage of fossil fuels Would no longer worry mankind All the world's economies would flourish As this product comes on line! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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The Mystery Bay Store

A quaint little store on Mystery Bay, its cast iron stove stoked with hard woods, selling fresh oysters and catch of the day— with local ice cream and sundry baked goods. Optional clothing whenever low tide, as the beach sign outside proudly claims, but summer’s a memory, such exhibits denied, so we gather inside and sit by the flames. Tourists stop by, dismissed by old salts, till asked to regale us of days now gone by. Each lifts his mug of cold foaming malts, and each one in turn quickly spins a new lie. The old boards ‘neath our feet creak and complain, as we shuffle our way past good friends to the door— counting the days until we come again, to part with our coins at the Mystery Bay store. Submit a Smile Contest Honorable Mention, Submit a Smile, Poet Destroyer A

Copyright © Mark Peterson | Year Posted 2013

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Egads And Little Fishes

“Egads and little fishes” Reminds me of my dear old mum Covering her head uttering this phrase Thunder made her come undone Terrified by each electrical storm Dear mum would nearly passed out With thunder, lightning, and pelting rain She'd cower in a corner throughout Really felt bad, she was truly scared Tried hard not to laugh at the sight Of mum with her apron over her head Praying hard with all of her might Things that happen during childhood days Stay with us as by us life swishes I'll always remember mum's little saying “Egads and little fishes” © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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An Ode To Brussel Sprouts

This is quite a bit overdue my friends It's an ode to Brussel Sprouts Those delicious spherical bundles of joy Not too popular hereabouts Poor wee fellows just want to be loved Along with the other veggies They've long had a real image problem About as popular as a wedgie Thinking of starting a worldwide petition Any Soupers wishing to join Send a hundred dollars to me, Jester Jack You'll receive a commemorate coin Along with the coin you'll receive a bushel Of these oh so luscious little critters As a bonus for ordering before December An autographed picture of John Ritter Hey, it rhymes doesn't it !!! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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World Peace

There is this thing we crave,
and call it world peace.
We fast and pray, both night and day,
hoping war will simply cease.

The odds I think are not that good
we’ll get it in my life—
too many secretive, conspiring minds
that benefit from strife.

If we had Aladdin’s lamp
the genie might assist.
I’m sure that he could get it done
with simple flick of wrist.

But if he’s asked to take control,
results could be austere;
in order to gain world peace
he’d make us disappear.

Copyright © Mark Peterson | Year Posted 2013

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The Ice Cream Lesson

Vigus and I were childhood buddies
who ventured to make some ice cream
It was to be our special creation
that would be a dish most supreme

We got some sand from the sand heap
and sifted it with a fine mesh wire
to give the dish a fine consistency
so its quality would be superior

We crumbled up some dried dirt
and pounded it with a hammer
then sifted it with the wire mesh
and made chocolate talcum powder

We mixed these ingredients in a tin
using a piece of stick as a stirrer
and blended them for quite a while
until there was a uniform texture

Vigus continued the stirring 
while I added the water
until the mix was nice and firm
and chocolate brown in colour

Now who would taste it first
we both said to each other
After thinking for a while I said
I believe I have the answer

I said let's ask Greedy Mackie
who was quite a beggar
always sponging off our snacks
in a  very shameless manner

We asked Mackie to join us 
and I got a piece of candy
Vigus stirred it in the mix
in the full view of Mackie

While Vigus stirred in the candy
We raved how sweet the dish would be
Then we asked who would taste it first
saying that person would be lucky

I suppose Mackie's thoughts 
could only focus on the candy
When we asked the question
he raised his hand and cried "ME"

We gave him a spoonful of the dish
which he put it in his mouth greedily
Vigus and I watched most intensely
to see what his reaction would be

Mackie bolted for the water tap
spitting most profusely
I guess he learned a lesson that day
that he should not be so greedy

Vigus, Mackie and I were about 7 years old


Copyright © john beharry | Year Posted 2013

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Long long ago in a land far away Was this slave girl named Gedophamee Worked as a prostitute to earn some dough Name was pronounced “Get-offa-me!” At an athletic festival in Roman times Male athletes performed in the buff Preventing arousal while they competed They imbibed and downed other stuff At the opening gala ceremonial parade One lady exclaimed “Oh! Limp Dicks!” Ever since that momentous occasion It has morphed into the “Olympics” © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Yo Momma

Yo! Momma! Remember me? I'm your sweet little loving son! I know I'm not cute like the other kids But my heart's as big as the sun Yo! Momma! Remember me? Could it be something I did? Why'd you go and sell me to the zoo? I've tried hard to be a good kid Yo! Momma! Remember me? Heard tell of a real nasty rumour It's because I'm quite a bit different Ever think I'm just a late bloomer? Yo! Momma! Remember me? Maybe one day I'll look like Brad Pitt When I lose all this excess body hair Your feelings of pride won't quit Yo! Momma! Remember me? Though I look a bit like an orangutan Please let your son come back home You'll be proud of your little man Yo! Momma! Remember me? I'm your sweet little loving son! I know I'm not cute like the other kids But my heart's as big as the sun © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013