Mama became sick when I was in sixth grade,
It was really hard to cope with sacrifices we made.
Kids were cruel and did not understand the reality,
Of a trying pathway now set out before Daddy and me.
I was picked on and laughed at, hair pulled, I was teased.
I let them laugh to my face, shoved down on broken knees.
Until the day I rose to fight, facing my bullies I fought tough.
I would never give in to bullies again, I became jagged and rough.
My spirit fought hard. Tears, love, experience, learns and yearns,
I'm living my life on my own terms!
Boys tried to take me on, take me out, and have me surrender.
I never let one kiss and tell, My purity would never dive under.
I met my prince charming for whom I had waited for a ring.
Years and years of waiting peacefully for love, joy it did bring.
While all my girlfriends partied hard, their lives fell off the spotlight.
I sat in the shadows quietly waiting, I shined when the time was right.
The first kiss was heaven, and every taste was even sweeter than before.
Two rings, three kids, a family, how could I have asked for more.
My spirit fought hard. Tears, love, experience, learns and yearns,
I'm loving my life on my own terms.
I started feeling something, deep inside my body, it grew,
I went to the doctors to confirm what I already knew.
Mama suffered so many years, I was too young but it came.
When I got the news of my sickness, nothing would be the same.
Children grown and married, husbands fingers worn to the bone.
No one should see me suffer, I put a payment on the headstone.
Softly I said my goodbyes, no one could stop me from my choice.
I wanted to say I love you, while I still had a strong, firm voice.
My spirit fought hard. Tears, love, experience, learns and yearns.
I'm leaving my life on my own terms.
*fictional story, I have no feelings on the if suicide is okay speech, this story is just a character, it is what is it is.
Jab Meri Bechaini Mit Jayegi
Jab Mere Dilko Sukoon Mil Jayega
Yeh Khaalipan Mit Jayega
Do Pal Ki Chandni Ke Liye
Aj Bhi Zinda Hoon Main
Meri Khaamoshi Ke Ageh Aasmaan Bhi Khatam Ho Jayega
Kehne Ke Liye Toh Roz Marta Hoon Main
Thoda Aur Marne Ke Liye
Yeh Deewana Kal Phir Ayega
You have my soul, but you have your fate
Whatever your words, I’m willing to take
You have my word; I’ll give you my breath
It’s like a chain that would never be break
You are my love with all my heart,
I’ll fight for you with all my might.
And in the way, you admire your goals,
You hold my hands, but not so close.
As you go to your chosen path,
I’ll accept the fact that we will be apart.
In the dark side, I leave behind
Within my faith, that you’ll arise
Please don’t look back, coz I’m fighting still
I’m hurting so much! Don’t want to have you near
I accept my fate for what it does,
I’m bleeding so much, do you know for whom it was?
You reach your goals, as you want to have,
Would you remind the man that gave what he had?
As you reach the stars, and be the one
Be a sun that shines its own.
After the rain, the rainbow comes,
Like dark in the moon, when the light flash
A glimpse from you at least a short
For then I knew my pain is worth.
I'm dying and I'm angry because it isn't fair,
and with my family, friends and loved ones this news I will not share.
It's hell for me to be going through all of this alone, but that is the cross I must bare.
It's my last gesture to show all of them how much I loved them and truly cared.
The last thing that I want is to be the cause of any of their despair.
If I told any of them that I was dying,
it would only serve to depress all of them,
and so my limited time left with them, for all of them, never to them will be known.
When I do feel that my time is drawing near I'll announce a trip I'll be going on.
I'm a wilderness survivor enthusiasts.
I've been known to venture deep into and live in very remote wilderness.
so one day I'm going to announce to them that I'm going on another little trip.
I'll leave unknown to they what will be my following final statement.
"If I do not return, please do not notify any authorities.
Please do not send out any search and rescue parties.
If I do not return it does not mean that I've suffered any life threatening injuries.
Most likely it means that I've made a choice to continue living there and never leave,
living my life naturally and in solitary with all of nature surrounding me.
That's the way I've always pictured my retirement to be.
Inevitably I will one day die in the wilderness, but likely in my sleep peacefully,
but for all of you I will never die, at least never officially,
and you'll assume that I'm still living my life the way I always wanted it to be,
in solitude far away from any so called civilized society.
I'll miss everyone of you very dearly,
but I'll be living my life in a manner that will truly make me happy,
and isn't that the way retirement is supposed to be?"
I'll embrace them all and share with them how much I hold all of them so dear,
and then I'll venture off into the wilderness, never again to reappear,
and should it ever look as if I won't die after all peacefully in my sleep
I've brought along a little extra insurance with me.
If the pain gets over bearing or if I get too weak
to successfully forage and gather enough to eat.
If malnutrition is getting the best of me,
I'll swallow a half dozen tranquilizers which will render me unconscious shortly,
so it's very important after taking them to stay active on my feet
until I begin to feel the effects of the meds affecting me.
Only then will I lie down comfortably
and slip a plastic bag over my head snugly
secured with a rubber band around my neck for extra security.
Within seconds I'll be deeply unconscious and asleep
and I won't even be aware of any discomfort as my carbon dioxide I breath.
and then slowly, humanly and most peacefully
my final exit will arrive and death will take me.
Animals will scavenge upon the remains of my body,
providing them with much needed nutrition for them to eat.
The rest will decompose and bring nutrition to the soil
which will provide seeds with nourishment enabling new life to unfold.
I will then be for all eternity where I most would ever want to be,
among nature's wildlife and forests of fresh streams and lush trees.
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
Let the Deicide commence.
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.
I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways
Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own personal reality
How it must hurt you so on days like this,
Walking around with a frown clutching your fist.
Hearing the words that are meant to anger you,
Confused you cry because there is nothing you can do.
Your mind is playing tricks on you driving you to say,
I hate you all and the games you play please just go away.
Trusting nobody you are not sure which way you sould go,
It's not real and all in your head is what you do not know.
Waiting to see just what tomorrow will possibly bring,
All will be perfect and you wont rememver a thing.
Your thoughts they torement you almost every day,
Each night asking our Lord why your life is this way.
Feeling so alone thinking there is nobody who cares,
But actually there is so many but you are not aware .
If only you would hear me so you might begin to see,
You must believe in yourself if you want to be free.
You must have some faith if you are to understand ,
What God has in store for you and what he has planned.
All the hurt and anger will soon begin to disappear ,
You'll stand up tall again facing life with no fear.
Please remember always that you are never alone,
By listening with your heart your path will be shown.
My love I can not find you anywhere,
I feel like I lost my soul somewhere,
because you are my soulmate,
and us being apart can not be fate.
You did not leave because you wanted to,
It just was just something you had to do.
I was not right, All I wanted to do was fight,
and knowing you was the love of my life,
yet I would not make you my wife.
I know that's what you really wanted
and now I am feeling haunted,
by the things I should have done,
and you being the only one
I ever loved and will love forever, if it was'nt for me we will still be together.
But you are gone
and I can not go on,
so I must say good-bye, I'm leaving myself to die.
They are bound to the Earth like trees
Suffocating under the weight of an icy grave
Reaching to be free, but only their limbs are seen
Hoping that one day someone will see:
They can't escape with lacerated wings
The ocean surrounds me, covering everything
Nothing will be clearly seen; confusion overwhelming
No-one can save you, you're on your own, left to die
Manipulating every bleeding heart you can find
I can't escape with lacerated wings.
Swarms of nets, waves of screams
Entangle: your captive illusions and dreams
The mask has be seared - The truth now they see
The Liar - Vampiric Fiend; lowly thief
And now they know you can't escape with Lacerated Wings
There's reasons for your rejections:
Your Heavy heart's transferred oppression
The scars are too deep to pass the trials
But you can find peace in your cage of empty spirals
You Cannot Escape With Lacerated Wings
She writes her songs and her poems,
not one person know 'em.
She listens to the sound of her music,
she's stuck to it like a tick.
If someone took the time to listen,
her true colors would glisten.
She's put on a mask,
and hid everything when someone asked.
She was the type of girl who would always laugh,
making you wish it would last.
She was the type of girl who would smile the day away,
too bad it is no longer that way.
She is now the girl who is depressed,
I bet you're impressed.
Since no one could tell
that she was going through hell.
Everyone thought she was happy,
when really, she felt crappy.
Everyone thought she was having the time of her life,
who would have guess her best friend was a knife?
She spent her days alone,
she seemed to do everything on her own.
Never once wanted help.
Thought she could do everything herself.
Then the day came,
when she lost the game.
She fell apart,
and everyone saw her broken heart.
They saw the way she overreacted.
Oh, if only you saw the way she acted.
She bruised herself, scratched herself, and made herself bleed,
no one knew what it was that she needed.
They saw her tears,
and that was what she feared.
They found out she wasn't okay,
oh, she hated that day.
Everyone found out about her secret,
and she wish they'd just forget,
but she knew they couldn't,
and that they wouldn't.
She left that town and started over,
no one knew she went undercover.
She said she got better,
when really... something else occurred.
She secretly hurt herself,
and walked away from help.
Everyone thought she recovered,
when really, she was undercover.
She secretly wanted to get worse,
no one knew of course.
No one cared to ask,
if she was wearing her mask.
Now it's too late,
she locked the gate.
everyone had forgotten she needed help.
Goodbye cold world,
this was a story of a girl
who once loved everyone
then feared who it was who won.
Alas there is no more confusion,
finally found my last conclusion.
Expect me as if Jesus will return,
from a ghost to a realm of concern.
Your dreams are portals like doors,
welcoming spirits into hasten wars.
Leaving the thoughts without trust,
keeping your fears in much disgust.
And though you sought no consequence,
deeds that confirm a wicked malevolence.
Awaiting in your nightmare of screams,
enjoy what is left amongst your dreams.
I do not know?
Well we are already a couple of months in so i just wanted to say welcome.
this will be a new journey for the both of us, so i hope it will be awesome.
I will try to write more than usual this year, I promise. :)
What would help tho if you readers would send me topics and stuff to help me write about things cuz my mind goes way faster than my fingers and i cant think of just one thing. lol. so thank you readers. plz comment and tell me your thoughts.
Look upon city once known by name,
ruins that I called home, streets swallowed by flame,
in time alive shell not witness less of what should you understand,
reach on to hand of a stranger, scroll remain;
in signs that might be changing welcome,
different of a man.
When dawn awakes and there is no light,
upon dusk of man darkness will be spread by sight,
in time not different change will arise, life we thought you knew,
death would recognize.
Hearts will bound to King without a Crown,
why do mothers shed tears, echo rooted in the ground,
is there reason of a foolish wars, contracts written in blood,
new born babies died breathless, can't even appreciate the Sun,
don't deserve to live, not worth of the land,
existence will be scattered in ashes,
you will be remembered
You say you're ugly,
You say you're fat,
You say you hate reality,
but it's not just that.
You say there's nothing good,
you say everyone hates you
you say you can't eat food,
I wish I could help you.
Because in my eyes, you're beautiful.
In my eyes, you are perfect.
In my eyes, you are wonderful.
Please take the time to reflect.
You want to die,
I want you to survive.
You're trying to say goodbye,
but I'm holding onto the knives.
She thought that he’s charming
Her friends says he is so cute
But little did they know
It’s the furthest from the truth
Her mom buys her a new dress
Because he ask her to the prom
But during the fun and laughter
He spikes her punch with rum
She wakes up in his BMW
He,s smiling with a cigarette
A morning she will remember
A night to forget
She can’t stop crying
She lies on her bed
Feeling hurt and disgusted
Suicide thoughts comes to her head
Her mom notice the changes
But she don’t know what is wrong
She use to sing in the church choir
The preacher says she stops coming around
She hugs her mother last night
Then walks out the door alone
And its now early morning
She didn’t come back home
She jumps over the bridge
They pull her body soaking wet
She couldn’t live with the memory
Of the night she can’t forget
It’s sad that her young life was ruin
By the evil that lays hidden behind a smile
Her mother life is shattered
Never knowing what happen to her child
This is happening to innocent girls
All over the world
Taking away their dignity and pride
Sucking the life out of their very soul
Another girl sits under a tree
Reading a book of poem by kaz ishmael
He said “excuse me just got to say
That you have a beautiful smile
She brushes her long hair
Think her jeans didn’t fit to right
His BMW is waiting out side
They are going to movies tonight
It was a home on the river we lived .
It was the ghost of a young man whom had taken his own life.
I still remember the vision of him walking by me with a blank stare
We, as a Family of seven , moved into this river house
Panoramic views right out to the river , I should mention
I was home alone as a child , looking out at "The Julia Belle Swan " as she went by .
Upstairs in that room as I saw a figure walking by , with very nice features , auburn hair
I thought he was my older brother , a handsome young guy
Then I realized the young man was not my brother , a apparition he appeared .
He was not there to scare or frighten ,
the message I believe he wanted to shed light on, so clear.
He walked right by ,then disappeared through the window, out to the River .
The Ghost knew I could see him , a gift I have been given
when I was a younger child of five , I had once died for a short time. I was lifted by Jesus in Heaven . Death is not for us to decide .
Later in the years we moved from that home , every home we lived in had a story
or a presence of its own . My Mother had told me later , a young man took his life there .
Keep fighting your way through life and its despair ,
you are important to someone whom cares . If you feel alone and want life to end , Please pick up the phone , call anyone , call for help , call a Friend .
"This is not fiction , it truly is a gift I have been given "
A smile moves across her lips
She gazes at her crime
A scar across her flesh and soul
To haunt her for all time
She’ll waste away for all she cares
Never stops to use her brain
Doesn’t care about the ones who are close
All she cares about is pain
She wants to be what the others expect of her
Doesn’t care about the self-respect for her
A rose can’t be a forget-me-not
Can’t she see what all she has got
Never to go back again
She feels the world is at an end
She will never show her grief
Although she’ll cry in empty streetS
She’d sooner live like a desolate mole
Living in fear in an empty hole
Screaming silent wails alone
Content to live in her mental home
A final tear falls from her eye
It hits the ground, it’s followed by
A beautiful body, mutated by hate
A kind word could have stopped it, but it is too late
One two many bricks in the wall in her mind
Molding her demise because her heart was blind
This self conscious being could never have won
For she was destroyed by the beautiful ones
She wouldn’t fight back, wouldn’t respect herself
In the end, she managed only to wreck herself
A rose can’t be a forget-me-not
Little did she know, she had all she had sought
Forgive me Father for I have sinned,
for being born with you to begin,
its been a long time since my last confession,
I don't wont your blessing,
lies and resurrection.
I don't believe in love, I don't believe in faith,
cant stand my own kind,
humble in hate,
I don't believe in truth, I don't wont to be saved,
erase me from your list,
Abused as a child,
bloodstains of a man,
only shovel awaits,
forgive me if you can.
Someone Felt Like Giving Up!
I know someone who wanted to give up.
Things in life began to “trip him up.”
After much thought and contemplation.
He really offered no real explanation.
He felt like his life was at a “dead end road.”
He said he couldn’t continue
with a heavy load.
No matter how many different things he tried.
He was not happy… Nor satisfied!
He began to share a piece of his mind…
He was ready to leave everything behind.
The choices that he had sometime ago…
Began to “wear” at his heart and soul!
I tried to encourage him the best I could.
But I’m not sure he really understood.
As I watched him go his separate way…
I said; “there’s something I wanted to say.”
“There’s a God who reigns in haven above!”
“He wants to fill you with his hope and love!”
“He knows and cares about everything you’ll do!”
“He’s loving and kind!” “And wants to help YOU!”
As I spoke, I could see he thought for a minute.
A commitment to God… He decided to give it!
He decided to give it all to a God who won’t fail him!
He wanted to serve a God,
who wants to bless him!
He’s happy now that this choice was taken!
With Jesus… He’s never alone nor forsaken!
By Jim Pemberton
My name is flower
Of number one display and color
To commit suicide I decide
To take nuclear waste or pesticide
Am tired of you people polluting the air
Polluting our rivers and streams that's not fair
You clear out our jungles, you cut down our mountains
To make way for tall buildings Hollywood Mansions and fountains
You burn fuel for energy source
Depleting the ozone showing no remorse
You drill, you drain the earth of it's natural resource and nutrients
Causing a shift in the earth's plate
Evidence Tsunami and Earth Quake
I cannot take it anymore
This is the final straw
Yes am gonna commit suicide
Either by Nuclear Waste or Pesticide
O! yes you need me for oxygen
along with all other plant life existing
So if I were to take them all with me you'll die
You'll be no more... no lie?
So sit back admire the beauty, the splendor
The wonderful blossoming of a flower
In my last breath I write this suicide note
Dated 25th April 2011 by... flower
©Copyright April 2011 by Brian Pierre-Alexander
© All Rights Reserved
I Am a Big Fat Looser
Oh I am a big fat looser
I don’t deserve to live
I need someone to take a Gun
And shoot me till I’m dead
Yes I am a big fat looser
I really want to die
I’m looking for a violent guy
To shoot me in the eye
Oh I am a big fan looser
I really have to say
If this is life I realize
I hate it every day
Yes I am a big fat looser
And life is just the pits
I am a guy that wants to die
Not live another day
Oh I am a big fat looser
I really hate this life
If you the one don't have a gun
Then maybe use a knife
Yes I am a big fat doofus
I really have to say
If suicide is painless
Well then maybe that’s the way
Oh I am a big fat doofus
I live in misery
But I don’t have the courage
Or I’d blow myself away
I really am a doofus
I’ve one more thing to say
If anyone is listening
Then shoot me right away
So I can die today
I do not know?
mama how do i tell you its bad again
how the voices are telling me its okay to hurt
they want me to fall
to fall from the top of buildings
and not get up
but don't worry mama
i plan to shut them up
mama how do i explain how the pain has returned
all you wanted was me to be better
i tried and tried and tried and tried
but in the end, the crazy won
they drive me crazy to no end
i want to make it stop
but don't worry mama
i have a plan
mama i cant tell you how it feels
to be sunken to the depths of earth
angels are soaring above me
but their happy gazes hurt
i need this incessant chatter to go
to hurt me, to hate me
it all feels so real
but don't worry mama
it wont soon
mama i can see the look in your eyes
it hurts me too that this is goodbye
cant you see this is the only way
for the voices to vanish but my body stay
goodbye and farewell
ill miss you so much
but don't cry mama
ill be better now
Oh give me a rope
With a noose that is loose
And i'll tie it up on a beam
Then give me a pill
That will give me a thrill
And i'll end it all on a high
Death Death is the way
For life is to sucky to play
So give me a gun
That is loaded for fun
And i'll blow my brains far away.
We don’t know what tomorrow brings
So we just can’t speculate
And it will make no sense
For us to just sit down and wait
The love we found today
We both know it’s real and true
All love with face some obstacles’
But love will always make it through
Some people will try to hold back
What they are feeling in their heart
When they know this love is a fairy tale
Romance Right from the very start
We are worrying about the future
Bout the unknown is like a blank page
But god can close the curtains anytime
Down on any one’s stage
I know a man who loves woman
He falls for her heart and soul
And his parents says it’s crazy
He’s too young and she’s too old
So they stop them from getting marry
Causing years of pain and sorrow
While driving he got in accident today
And they will bury him tomorrow
And the wound in her heart won’t stop bleeding
And every breathe she wish was the last she take
A little boy calls his dad, saying look, look ,dad
And they found her body floating in the lake
His parents was worried bout the future
Although they know it was unknown
But still they plant the seeds of pain
Now look what it has grown
Why didn’t they let them be together?
For today all that remains is sorrow
For trying to change the course of true love
They have taken away their tomorrow
For today they would have been married
And build a happy home of love
But now they are two lost souls
Forever roaming the world above
Some times one year of happiness
Is worth 100 years of being alone
For as long as two hearts are true
Forever the flowers of love will bloom
And as long as there are stars in the sky
And the waves must come to the shore
People of all different ages
Will be falling in love forever more
But what if tomorrow never comes
And you let today go
Then the real magic of true love
You will never get to know
I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
When is Mum, coming for me?
"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"
I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now
I wish God
Could make my Mum
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!
I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own
A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!
Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm
“What am I going to do?”
“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?
“Is my life worth living?”
Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!
Don't stand at my grave,
I'm not no long there.
I'm forever asleep
In a peaceful place.
You may look up,
To the sky.
Maybe even daydream
Of are memories...
I just ask this one
Simple thing ...
Please don't cry,
Upon that stone
With my name engraved,
Cause that body is,
No longer mine...
I'm not there...
But I'm here somewhere at ease..
Share are memories
Tell are stories.
Cherish ever moment,
And soon enough.
ALL IN GREAT TIME
Forever by my side,
But it's not your time,
So get up and dry
Your crying eyes...
I'll be here no rush..
Together soon enough...
Don't give up...
I want again to be perfected.
Everyday, awakening to fine-tuned platitudes,
Agendas, each hour hanging before me
Like coats on hangers.
I want overcast and quiet;
I want blue screens and coffee stains,
Car exhaust and migraines.
Most of all,
I want to wake up and not feel like
Setting myself on fire
Purely out of spite.
I want to wake up and not feel like
The ground was yanked from beneath me,
And I was suspended in the brief moment
I want to drop dead from winding up the entropy,
Ironing out the flesh across my face,
Peeling off the scars I traced.
I want to drop dead and stay.
I don’t want another trip back from the grave,
The festering stench of yesterday,
Puking up the plans I made.
So many years I tried to keep from being lost,
To be back on top so I can at last leap off.
Loving to all around her, happy with life
She started to change, slowly at first you see
It was painful to see the sadness, her strife
She wanted to die, her life was so empty
Nothing that was said registered in her brain
Seems that she was always living in the rain
One day she tried to take her life with some pills
Trying to dull the pain on the window sill
She survived the desired encounter with death
Living to face a new day without sadness
And now with a secure new outlook and breath
The dark won’t be so dark within the brightness
She has found hope in the near death ritual
She’s glad there won’t be a lonely burial
Now life resumes as she survives an ending
Out into life she brings love with her sending
Contest: Surviving After Suicide Attempts
Sponsor: Anne Currin
I do not know?
Why tell people in advance?
Do you want them to feel guilt?
For not loving you, listening to you?
Why hurt them? Revenge?
Yes, the world has hurt you,
It can be cold and mean.
So you do have the power
to make a lot of people feel guilt.
You want to leave the world, hurting people?
So you weren’t loved as a child,
a lot of us weren’t. When you grow up
you learn it is not about others loving us,
it is about the love we give others.
You cant make the world love you,
but you can bring love into the world.
That’s why you have a heart.
Every major religion agrees suicide is bad for the soul
In the west, we call it purgatory,
you sit alone, in a dark place, and feel,
you feel guilt, shame, hurt, and loss.
God isn’t there, the angels aren’t there
It’s more alone than you are now,
feeling 1000 times worst,
and the only thing you can do is feel it,
go into the emotions and purge them
until you are capable of loving again,
giving love to others, that is.
Only, then can you even be near an angel or god.
A soul with no love, cannot even be in God’s presence.
That is why purgatory exists, to purify a soul of its selfishness
Here is your cure,
Go help some people worse off than you.
Look into their eyes, feel their suffering,
share theirs with them, listen to their pain,
radiate love to them, be quiet and listen
As you give to them, you heal.....
Write poems of how you feel,
your life experiences, stop writing suicide stuff...
Take your pain and put it into the art,
go deep, make yourself cry.
If the poem doesn’t hurt you, it’s not deep enough.
Write some on beauty that make you feel it..
Pray for the planet and all the people in pain
Imagine your heart glowing love, healing it all.
Forgive everyone that has hurt you.
Anger will burn a hole in your heart.
Face your fears, go out in the world
heal it, make it a better place
This is your mission here..............
I blame me for all my mistakes
I blame me for all the rejection and heartache
I blame me for all the times I stayed silent
and should have started and earthquake
with my words
I should have spoken up when I had the chance
now all those thoughts are wasted
I blame me when my husband touches me
and I feel the hands of a predators pounce
And I blame me when the pressure it on
because all I had to do was shout out and renounce His name
Lord, help me to get rid of the shame
I blame me for my loneliness
I blame me for my feelings of lust
I blame me when I look at myself and see absolute disgust
I blame me when I shut down - unsure of who to trust
At times not even sure if I really know how to love
I blame me when my kids are crying out sick
because when I brought them here
I knew that this world was unfit
Yet overpowered by my love for them
I became more and more protective
So I blame myself in advance for their sadness
when they finally see that the world is not objective
I blame me for those nights I can't rest
Wondering if my consciousness has finally realized
that I have done my best
to stay positive and have good intentions
So I blame myself when I give in to temptations and my human inhibitions
and begin to feel ashamed of myself
I begin to feel like I don't have enough strength to love myself
good things don't happen for me
So I blame me for my thinking and feelings of worthlessness
It's a big world and my lonely soul has no more confidence
I have nothing
I have given up
and so I blame me for my incompetence and my soul's rut