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Funny Wedding Poems | Funny Poems About Wedding

These Funny Wedding poems are examples of Funny poems about Wedding. These are the best examples of Funny Wedding poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Limerick | |

Runaway Train

An outdoor wedding, no sign of rain
The bride’s gown had a 10-foot train
     Crossing the lawn to her bequeathed
     Fido snatched the train in his teeth
And Pop watched eight grand go down the drain


Details | Dodoitsu | |

Green, but No Envy

Had my hair color treated To surprise the wedding guests Shock came at the rehearsal Groom wanted to leave His once-blonde bride had green curls She’d been hoping for brunette Oh, how the bridesmaids chuckled Wig worn at wedding
Sadly, a true story. By Carolyn Devonshire For Dr. Ram’s “Wedding Rehearsal” Dodoitsu challenge


Details | Narrative | |

My Cousin's Wedding

My cousin shared her wishes and dreams, On our star gazing night, she whispered them so sweet As a shooting star glided down from the sky, She said, I wish ….. I wish…. all I wish are these tonight Someday, I will marry a smart, rich and handsome guy And have a grandiose banquet on my nuptial rite We’ll be dancing like a lovely prince and princess , With all my wedding sponsors on their best suits and dresses All in pink ,that’s the motif I will surely request. She kept into her dreams as several years passed by, Still searching for her prince charming who’s hard to find Unconsciously going beyond the age to give birth to a child, In a hurry at age of seventy, she took a rich ninety years old guy. The wedding was held after a day or two, The guy seated on his wheelchair with rheumatism on his toe She headed slowly at the alter to accept his shaking hands, Two nurses followed, so with sponsors dressed up in printed brown. The highlight of the wedding rite started at once, They held tightly with a nebulizers on the other hands, But the words of oath, they took time to pronounce False teeth were both misplaced and nowhere to be found. Reception followed grandiosely in the guy’s mansion, I saw many old men and women still eager to dance on the floor, With hunched back, shaking knees, they twisted rock and roll Then, sweet music played and my cousin danced with her groom. But, we all wondered how did he stand alone? He’s so heavy , I knew my cousin couldn’t help him at all, With our great surprise, his nurse was at his side like his crutch Everyone thought , he’s really a smart guy! Was he not? Then, everyone followed them so happily on the spacious hall, And in trio, they held each other so tight and moved like a fool.
Written: Sept. 15, 2012 First Place Contest: My Cousin's Wedding (funny poem) Contest Judged: 9/30/2012 Poet Sponsor: Joann Grisetti


Details | Rhyme | |

Count Dracula


It was a time ov thirst, crepuscle zearchin, 
the Count in dark, becharmed her every secret zeal; 
vatever aappened to his favoroured virzzin? 
Vatever aappened to his crimson meal? 
..............

My bite I'll hold to thine exquisite neck, 
(In Transylvania I'm vaiting, auspicious maid) , 
vas told that virzzins vaporized from earth, 
and so evil vampires will stay thirsty, I'm afraid.

My Castle, I assert, vill vait for thee, 
It is embarrassing for Counts to dine on food, 
meanvile red should be drunk like rare chablis, 
vilt thou, fair maid, succumb to my persisting mood? 

Hast thou ever heard of my night delights? 
Thou vilt dine on rare meat vile listening to tunes from the abyss, 
I'll beguile your thoughts under candle lights, 
and then (enraptured nymph), thou shalt receive my kiss.

Thou shalt be my companion to dark doom, 
Teetotal I became due to the lack of virzzins, 
it is more evident ven your perfume, 
enthralls my Dracula stimulated senses.

I'll bend on your rest, vile you'll be asleep, 
vere bats from caves have fled around the room before, 
like from a fresh rose your red I shall reap, 
and in crepuscular twilight ve, shall soar.

© 01-26-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved


Details | Limerick | |

February Funny Bone


In the month of February 'twas fate
We chose our special wedding date
        A love, I cannot explain
        Couldn’t wait to take his name
So why do I still hyphenate?       


By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, January 30, 2012
for Linda-Marie's February Funny Bone contest

First place finish


Details | Rhyme | |

My Cousin's Wedding

Trying to remember my family on a three hour ride
'cause I'm going once again to see a new bride.
This makes number three for poor cousin Vinny,
the last two was crazy but at least they were skinny.

The new one he's got looks like a man.
He calls her sweetie but I call her Stan.
He's five foot four and she's six foot five.
My poor cousin vinny might not survive.

She use to carry lumber down at the mill,
but now she's a wrestler her name is 'Big Kill'.
Standing six foot five with a linebackers head.
If this one goes south poor vinny is dead.
He swears to us all that he loves her alot,
but I think he's lying so he won't get shot.

My cousin Vinny is lost without any clue,
and the woman he loves wears a size 19 shoe.
 But I'll always come and support his new mess,
'cause each time he marries my wife gets a new dress.


Dustin Self (my cousin's wedding contest)


Details | Dodoitsu | |

Lovebirds On The Freeway

__________________________________


The rehearsal car broke down 

They were told not to panic !!

The mechanic was ordained .....

Chilled birds, with one phone




___________________________________
For Dr. Ram's Contest "Wedding Rehearsal "
By Carrie Richards


Details | Limerick | |

Double Disappointment

I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”


Details | Sonnet | |

The Bride

On the wedding
The Bishop co-ordinating
Called in the groom
Only awaiting the bride
Hymns going up in the air
Half hour passed
And yet she is unarrived
"What is delaying you?"
The groom yelled at the Bishop
"Your bride isn't here"
With a dimple from the groom's cheek
Loke side way at his bride
"He has long arrived
I am gay"


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Hen-pecked Husband

"The Hen-pecked Husband" By M. Taha Effendi (Light Poetry) The door bell rang yet again, and yonder heard the distinct voice, of my dear old wife, full of pain, drowned all my dreams of rejoice. then came the thundering slap, that landed on my cheek now red, and as I panicked out of my nap, I realized I had wet my bed.


Details | Ballade | |

STATELY MEN

Fair as ever he doth ride
Alas to meet his gal
as she prepares to be his bride.
He draws back a drink with an old pal
they discuss their days gone stall
time drifts by, the bride feels faintly
in worry, her grooms last prodigal
A man who's thought most stately

On clock tower's side 
he glares in wow
to realize what time passed by
he thinks of lies, of where and how
he decides to blame the herd of cow
"they just stood there so blankly"
he thinks to himself, ok, no worries for now
A man who's thought most stately

Up to her abode he doth stride 
she rushes to him in the snow
"You are too late" she shoots his pride
with her most powerful blow
"No excuse for you not to show!"
"Our wedding day? you forgot and left me there sedately"
"why I oughtta feed you to the crows"
A man who's thought most stately

Prince, not so
for this young man, here lately
for he was sent, and told to go!
A man who's thought most stately 


Details | Burlesque | |

Her Last Hurrah

Pinch me,I do believe I'm in love
With the looker who's swaying up above
With his stuff up in the breeze
He does surely aim to please
As I look for another dollar to shove

My girlfriends are shouting and giggling away
We celebrate her upcoming wedding day
Lots of silliness abounds
As we take turns buying rounds
The dancers know what to do and say

Embarrassment's not an option at all
The bride-to-be feels ten feet tall
They show her lots of attention
When her wedding we mention
The party carries on till last call

So glad my birthday wasn't known
Or my cover would've been blown
And I'd the embarrassed one be
As those Chippendales danced for me
A few extra moves would be shown!


for contest"Burlesque Botique"
sponsored by Miranda  Lambert






Details | Quatrain | |

The Earl of Sandwich



Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak

It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich

I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......


For Joe's Sandwich contest...lol


Details | Rhyme | |

Wedding of a Wench

"Wedding of a Wench" a joyous celebration promised arrived on lacy invitation bring only your smile as a gift to offer congratulations but my cousin, Marlene, was known as a troublemaker all her life now so hard to imagine she'd make any man a good wife. more out of curiosity my honey and I opted to go after many years of disfunction change makes people grow nothing could have prepared me for the show 'twas 'bout to see there is a lid for every pot and fun is always free. the rough flight to Las Vegas was bumpy and too long spent all my time with eyes closed tight chanting the wedding song as the plane landed I tried to unclench my fist wondering which magic potion she used to snare a sharp dentist. the trip to the chapel 'neath bright lights of Sin City my high heels hurt my toes as I thought of words witty recognized Uncles and Aunts who had now grown old though the temps reached 100 my body froze cold. we exchanged hugs and kisses then escorted to our bench waiting for sweet music and entrance of wicked wench she wore a red suit with her flaming red hair with white shoes, blouse and hat looked like Santa Claus affair. the groom, short and bald, wore a green laurel wreath to cover his head with red tie underneath his bermuda shorts were all plaid and too big where oh where was the champagne, I needed a swig. instead of gold rings they had tattooed pop art with matching leg logos "till death do us part" I was laughing so loud I thought I would die waved a speedy hello and a hasty goodbye. now what does one say to a couple's freak show? no words came to mind that seemed quite apropos I just gave them my business card once they were sober as a wedding gift come see me for a duo cousin makeover. *For Joann Grisetti's My Cousin's Wedding Contest.


Details | Limerick | |

Full Circle

Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch


Details | Rhyme | |

A Great Wedding


The bride looked so lovely
All dressed up in lace,
The groom by her side
In His rightful place.

Food in abundance,
 A mountain at least,
Guests by the hundreds
 Flock to the feast.

French bread and garlic
Prawns in clay pots,
Sweetmeats and jellies
And ice cream for tots.

Chopsticks provided 
For eating the rice,
For those who can’t work ‘em
Fingers suffice.

Old Uncle Albert
Says “waste is a sin”
So proceeds with a smile
More food to force in.

Due to his greed
He’s not feeling so bright
But continues to eat 
Just out of spite.

Children are running 
All over the shop
Some are so tired 
They’re ready to drop

People are dancing 
The music is loud
Everyone’s happy
What a great crowd

The sun is still shining
It has from the start
The bride and the groom
Prepare to depart

Into the limo
All cute coy and chaste
The groom bids the driver
“Drive on and make haste”

I’ve been to some weddings
This wasn’t the worst
I have to go now
Old Albert has burst.





September 2011


Details | Rhyme | |

SOUP Spoonin'

Online tonite
looks like 
a whole lotta' spoonin'
goin' on in the "Soup"

nosin' around the comment coral
I see love 
amongst the group

yessir'...
hot Soup!
stirred 
not shaken
marriage scent in the air
no fakin'

where it leads...
we shall see
I know some 
are dippin' crackers in the "Soup"
but Lawd' knows 
IT AIN'T ME!~


Details | Rhyme | |

Mrs Hemorrhoid

You messed around 
and married a real 
"pain-in-the butt" man 

known throughout the land 
for ripping
burning 
completely deserting 
then leaving 
women hurting

his only claim to fame 
is over reacting 
and lacking class
a self-proclaimed pain in the ass
a crook with line 
and hook to cast 

things will never be the same
trade away your maiden name 
to Mrs. Hemorrhoid 
and wear his name with class.


Details | Sonnet | |

The Bride

On the wedding
The Bishop co-ordinating
Called in the groom
Only awaiting the bride
Hymns going up in the air
Half hour passed
And yet she is unarrived
"What is delaying you?"
The groom yelled at the Bishop
"Your bride isn't here"
With a dimple from the groom's cheek
Loke side way at his bride
"He has long arrived
I am gay"

dated May


Details | Limerick | |

WAITING FOR CUPID

Two virgins who were known as stupid
Spent wedding night waiting for Cupid 
Said something in his pants
Disturbed their sweet romance
And now it appears that it's rooted

Date: 5-31-14
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Contest Name: Bawdy, Bawdy, Bawdy, Miss Clawdy


Details | Personification | |

Black Widow

She's got a plan
just moved to Florida
one week in the hole
a forced proposal...

"yeah...
uh...
maybe if I get a job with insurance;
we'll get married...
then you'll have insurance too!"

a bribe
the spider web is officially constructed
"Charlotte's web"
no...we'll name it
the Black Widow!


Details | Rhyme | |

The Maid of Honour's Speech

I know the Maid of Honour’s duties do not include a speech,
But looking at the perfect Bride, a vision in gold... and peach,
I couldn’t let the moment pass, without the chance to say,
How perfect for each other you are, on this your wedding day.

We’ve been friends forever, in school you were a brat,
But now you’re older, more mature and getting rather fat!
I know you really hate me; the proof is in the dress,
This thing you chose to put me in, it really is a mess!

Bows and ruffles everywhere, however could you think,
That a mature twenty eight year old could pull off vivid pink?
I know your gown is hideous, but even with that said,
There’s still no reason why the other bridesmaids are in red.

It’s clear to all that your wish for me was just to look a show,
And as it is your special day, I thought I’d let it go.
You’d always seemed to find it hard to find the perfect man,
You sat and watched all of your friends find theirs and formed a plan.

You tried it on with who they’d found until you had a date.
And so you lost a fair few friends? You’d found yourself a mate!
And in the groom you’ve found a man who over flows with love,
And through the trials that lie ahead, he’ll help you rise above.

With hugs and kisses he’ll shower you and have a few to spare,
In fact I saw him earlier, canoodling with Claire!
Honey, don’t react like that, he’s a jerk, I know it’s true,
But remember that you first hooked up, at our engagement do.

A leopard cannot change its spots, or so the proverb says,
And you told me you only married him for money anyway!
But then again you always were a shallow two-faced cow,
And why on earth should you decide to change your ways right now?

So ladies and gentlemen please join me, raise a glass,
To the spiteful two-faced Bride, and her two-timing Ass!


Details | Rhyme | |

Next Time, Get the Details

His sister was getting married.
We decided that we should go.
I hadn't met his family yet
but I heard they could put on a show.

We checked our bags at the airport,
flew overnight to get there.
Of course our luggage took a different flight
off to God-knows-where.

So we dropped a large wad of cash
at some trendy local boutique.
There I picked out a stunning outfit,
something I found unique.

Off to the wedding in a rush,
there was no way we were getting there late.
We arrived at his parents home
looking like each other's prom date.

His mother smiled uncertainly
as she ushered us inside.
Sitting at the kitchen table
in jeans and boots was the bride.

Someone neglected to tell us
this was a casual, casual affair
and while I was dressed to the nines
the bride had pigtails in her hair.

The backyard was a sea of denim
and cowboy hats and boots.
I, in my silk and hubby in his tux,
when we walked out received some hoots.

It didn't look like a wedding venue,
it looked more like a rodeo.
I could have died of embarrassment
when I realized ... we were the show.


Details | Limerick | |

ZELLI'S SHOES

Stylish Zelli's shoes are unique,
they stand out in my neat boutique;
what a distinguished look
in a suit nobody took...
green cognac is gorgeous and chic!


Details | Free verse | |

Theys True Love Story Part 3

Her grand gals axed her one time
How did hers ever gits a date
Her done went ta a all gals school
Theys wudn't let no boys in
Ut makes me's won ders 
Yep ut sure do

Theys at that datin age
And figgers theys
Finds oot if's hers was a good 
Gal er bad. 

Her tells um 
Theys jist bet er be's
Good gals er else.
Youse cain't gits a good 
Feller if'n youse any thin else

An than her tells um it were no never mine
Her knowed where her cowboy her'd fine

Her went ta school 
An gots her job
Near tha H bar T rench
What were a  real sandy spot

Tha lan' lady her 'vites the cowboy
frum up tha nex rench
Ta comes down fer a little supper
An ta meets tha new gal what are gonna teach.

Theys  played cards er sumthin' or so her seys
An when him are ready ta leaves
Her axed him if'n he's cuds 
Puts her saddle in the barn, please

Sunday her's was over ta tha school
Gittin ready fer ta teaches tha golden rule

When him done stops an tells her
He are a goin ta the ropin club 
An seys theys room in tha car fer her.

Her seys hers will goes with um
But hers did unt axes 
What kinda drinks theys serves  
Et this club.

Him were a proud cowboy feller were he
His job were m-portatnt youse see
An sum times if'n he gits his work all done
Him jist mights calls her on tha tel-e-phone.


When Thanksgivin comed round
Her wents ta Kansas an seed her folks
An him wents ta Wyomin ta looks at a rench

When him did comed back
Him stops fer a spell
An when him are goin ta leaves
Her walks him oot ta the car ya sees
An tells him hers goin ta a weddin
On June Nine teenth

Him jist looks at her an seys 
If'n him are supposed ta be's....
Well youse knows tha rest

Her done it
Him comed
They's war forty seven years an two weeks
Ez one

When her gits done tellin her grand gals
Theys mouths was open big

An her tells um 
Yep her did
That's how youse 
Comed ta be's.

Her telled Billy what her telled tha gals
An him seys, with a spark in his eye
Him were a weldin
"I's never did axed youse ta marrys me,
Youse knows youse er right."


Now  when Billy looks down et her from aboves
Her kisses hers wedding ring with love
Cause on theys wedding bands youse'll finds
Tha stars an tha moon fer all times

I's mad that lan lady did unt vites me's down
Then maybe's them gran gals wud a
Be's mine.
                            X.......John e Cowpoke


Details | Limerick | |

Roman Wedlock

A baby, pious, was born by aide
He named it Gaias, and felt like a jade
While he cried,
Cause mommy died.
His wife hired yet another maid. 


Details | Rhyme | |

Marriage in a nut shell

I said I do, 
But believe me I don’t
What I meant is I do
But she says hell you won’t
When I said I do 
I didn’t know it meant her way
So I should have said I don’t 
On that so called special day
But if I said I don’t
She would have convinced me I do
I should have ran off that day 
But me legs won’t go my way
Me tongue betrayed me
When it said I do
Just to find out later 
That if I do or won’t or don’t 
"I’m dammed if I do" 
"And I’m dammed I don’t"  


Details | Rhyme | |

Chemistry is the factor

He was much younger she caught him in love-net, though her History was older the stage perfectly set. Geography and Chemistry they must had studied well, they were in a love spree married life never failed. So let it be Cougar age not so important, Chemistry is the factor for marriage fulfilment. © kashinath karmakar ( 24th June 2011) =============00=============== Placement: 4th ;(July 2011) Sponsor:Dr. Ram Mehta by:kashinath karmakar Contest:Cougar Effect


Details | Sonnet | |

The Bride

On the wedding
The Bishop co-ordinating
Called in the groom
Only awaiting the bride
Hymns going up in the air
Half hour passed
And yet she is unarrived
"What is delaying you?"
The groom yelled at the Bishop
"Your bride isn't here"
With a dimple from the groom's cheek
Loke side way at his bride
"He has long arrived
I am gay"


Details | Rhyme | |

Trouble

He was sun-scorched, flame-torched
stood tall, strong as a brick wall
loose-hipped, well equipped
in for the count, without a doubt
expert tracked, surprise packed
spurs jangled, wild mustang wrangled
I should have, could have
but I was lost, dust-bowl tossed; in Trouble!
 
In a mess, I confess
as he turned, my body burned
fanned my face, acting chaste
he was endearing, God-fearing
a lop-sided smile, immaculate styled
I could have run, fired my gun
but I only choked, when he spoke,
he was ice cool, me more the fool; he's Trouble!
 
He tipped his hat, steel-grey eyes of a cat
heavy lidded, my heart skidded,
he said, 'Maam?', took my hand
his cornfield hair, his unnerving stare
I might have, right have
high-tail, hit the trail
the preacher grins, there's all my kin
now side-by-side, my downhill slide; into Trouble!
 
All curtailed, I in veil
'Do you take?, my mistake?
white wedding gown, two hearts pound
next the ring, my clammy skin
my Pa's tears, must squelch my fears
all too late, more my fate
the thrown rice, last minute advice
my Mama's bliss, that sweet kiss; of Trouble!
 
Blushing bride, our buggy ride
all alone, our log cabin home
white picket fence, it all makes sense
just me and you, the mountain's view
angels singing up above, it must be love
carried past the oven door, need I say more?
a four-poster bed, enough said
'What a Man!', to our life plan; without Trouble!
 
©25/02/2012