These Hate Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Hate. These are the best examples of Hate Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets
It's one week till Christmas
And we've had enough
Of grumpy old shoppers
Complaining about stuff.
They hate the line-ups,
They hate the cashiers.
They won't be happy
Till they have us in tears.
The things they are after
Are long gone from the store.
They find it incredulous
We won't be getting more.
Last minute shoppers
Are a pain in the rump.
Each night by closing
This place looks like a dump.
One more week to go,
I sure hope we make it
But in the meantime
We'll just smile and fake it.
1. My ex-girlfriend tried to impress me when
She told me that she is "Fasting"! And I knew
That she was true because, I saw just how
Fast she ate that basket of chicken.......
2. The next time that she told me that she was "Fasting"
It was three (03) double meat Whoppers! And I have never
Seen three (03) double meat Whoppers go so quicK......
3. My ex-girlfriend was so upset! She explained that when
She was young that she could bounce a dime
Off of her butt. Only now, when she bounce the same dime
It only flops!
So, I looked on the bright side and told her that now she can
Bounce a quarter on her belly button and it only drops!
4. The last time that I saw her, she was "Fasting" on a
box of cookies.
* And boy, those (03) box's of cookies sure went fast!
Explanation: That is none sence and no one got fat in the making of this pun!
4. I just hate it when my ex-girlfriend call's me! Usually I keep my
cell phone on vibrate and in my front pocket. My EX-friend
Know's this. She also, know's that I have a bladder problem! Every time
she blow's up my phone it make's me pee!
I know that I hate it, but she give's me such a warm feeling and I take
what I can get!
5. My ex-girlfriend is so stupid that she can't ever give me a piece of
her mind! She has to get an substitute..... Ha! Ha! Ha! He, He, He!
6.My ex-girlfriend, She alway's cut me short!........ She wanted to give
me a piece of her mind, buy, she didn't have enough brain cell's left! Ha! Ha!
Feel the Joke! Uh!
1. When you "Pass Gas" and you know you did........
And no-body heard it........ Is it proper to wait for someone
to smell it first, before you say, excuse me..........
Is it really too late....... That is what my girlfriend doe's!
* I would just blame it on a friend!
Moments To Share:
My ex-girl friend and I were discussing a poem that I wrote! She told
me that it was an perfect oxymoron.......
I told her that she was just a moron!
Words' To Live by:
I was trying to explaine my mis-giving's to my EX-girlfriend......
I told her that the problem was, not that I really love you, because
I don't! The problem is that I just can't get you out of my mind!
I hate it when I'm
told to do
This damn thing
And I hate it
When I don't do it
And am made to
feel a rat!
So what is it that
I hate much more
To do or not to do?
The former is within myself
The latter within me, too!
Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.
I hate the way you make me feel guilty about being jealous when other girls hit on you,
I hate the way you can go forever without even seeing or talking to me when your friends are around,
but expect me to drop everything to talk to you when you want my attention.
I hate how you're so happy at times and I'm so sad,
I hate how you treated me like *****but yet I'm the one feeling bad.
I hate how I feel so weak and you're so strong,
I hate how you think you do no wrong.
I hate how you pretend that everythings okay,
I hate how you took my innocence away and act sometimes like it ment nothing.
I hate how I feel so scared,
I hate how I how fast I feel in love with you without a fighting chance.
I hate the way you look at me and just know when something is wrong.
I hate how everything we have means nothing to everybody else
I hate the way I feel inside,
I hate the nights I spent alone and cried.
I hate how everything seems wrong,
I hate the feeling of wanting to belong.
I hate how you're always in my head,
I hate everything mean you have ever said.
I hate wondering how you really feel about me,
I hate how you try to go out with certin friends you feel like you have to lie
I hate how when your job takes you away for long times I left with alone and want to do nothing but cry
I hate it how you can just come in and out of my life and feel like everything is alright
while I am the one that has to put up with the problems, family and drama every night
But most of all I hate the way I can't stop thinking about you, and I hate it even more because I know you know its true
All these thing don't make me really hate you,
It just makes me lust you more an more and it feeds my wanting you right down to the core
im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
And I as I pull myself together
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now
there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.
Oh, you’re cool. Deck.
With your battered copy of Naked Lunch
tucked away in your thrift-store
-satchel, it’s definitely a satchel-
that holds your cigarettes,
the ones you bummed last Wednesday,
and the extra scarf you keep with you
at all times
just in case your neck gets cold,
which it seems to often,
even though its brother is always
wrapped loosely around your neck.
That iPod in your hand
with the huge headphones
-for better acoustics-
is playing that band you like,
the one with the synth player
who can also play both
the didgeridoo and keytar
at the same time,
but I don’t think that’s the reason
that they only have five fans
or that that’s why you like them.
I won’t tell your friends that
you pay your rent with a trust fund.
-Isn’t that ironic?-
I’ll keep your secret
the way you keep quoting Kerouac,
who you only know of
because of high school English class.
I won’t tell them either
that you hate the taste of coffee,
and miss eating bacon,
and actually think that tattoo
of a Palahniuk quote
-“Your heart is my piñata”-
translated into Finnish
is not as clever as it was
the first time you tried cocaine.
But don’t worry.
I won’t call you a hipster.
That way you don’t have to
pretend to hate it.
Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?
Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”
My goodness, how rude can one get?
I haven’t even finished speaking yet.
Your uncaring interruption,
has ruined my thought construction.
Now I have to put my thoughts on the shelf.
Couldn’t you see I was talking to myself ?!
And when I ask you to look for my keys,
Don’t make me beg on my knees.
I hate it when you laugh to beat the band,
Just because you see them in my hand!
And last week when I asked you to find my phone,
Your unkind remark cut me to the bone.
You said “you are losing your mind I fear.,
What’s that thing on your ear?”
It just isn’t nice, no matter how true it rings,
Accusing me of always losing things!
I just hate that quirk about you!!
Hey,.. you seen my other shoe?
I know the Maid of Honour’s duties do not include a speech,
But looking at the perfect Bride, a vision in gold... and peach,
I couldn’t let the moment pass, without the chance to say,
How perfect for each other you are, on this your wedding day.
We’ve been friends forever, in school you were a brat,
But now you’re older, more mature and getting rather fat!
I know you really hate me; the proof is in the dress,
This thing you chose to put me in, it really is a mess!
Bows and ruffles everywhere, however could you think,
That a mature twenty eight year old could pull off vivid pink?
I know your gown is hideous, but even with that said,
There’s still no reason why the other bridesmaids are in red.
It’s clear to all that your wish for me was just to look a show,
And as it is your special day, I thought I’d let it go.
You’d always seemed to find it hard to find the perfect man,
You sat and watched all of your friends find theirs and formed a plan.
You tried it on with who they’d found until you had a date.
And so you lost a fair few friends? You’d found yourself a mate!
And in the groom you’ve found a man who over flows with love,
And through the trials that lie ahead, he’ll help you rise above.
With hugs and kisses he’ll shower you and have a few to spare,
In fact I saw him earlier, canoodling with Claire!
Honey, don’t react like that, he’s a jerk, I know it’s true,
But remember that you first hooked up, at our engagement do.
A leopard cannot change its spots, or so the proverb says,
And you told me you only married him for money anyway!
But then again you always were a shallow two-faced cow,
And why on earth should you decide to change your ways right now?
So ladies and gentlemen please join me, raise a glass,
To the spiteful two-faced Bride, and her two-timing Ass!