You question duskiness "Whereas he be?"
Be careful pal; he hides behind the tree!
Inside the sneaky shades he aptly lurks
because you've drunk too many Cuty Sarks.
You, silly chump! You're shaking on your feet;
Contele Dracula* and tough tidbit
exists inside your foolishness' resource
and punishes your wrongs without remorse.
Excess in drinking could be bad for you;
tis not that you'll become a drunk boo-hoo
but he'll metamorphose to baseball bat
and if you drink again, he'll kick your butt.
I know you're stupefied and very scared
cause Gigi hides in pizza boxes where'd
jump up, if thee besotted be and fool,
and then consume your pizza, super-cool.
Admit it, dude! You're shivering in fear!
But if you prayed he would disappear,
expect him to start dancing everywhere-s,
and jingle, so, his spurs upon your stairs.
Ha ha! Hill Billy, you! Outside your house,
behind the pumpkins, sound the irked meows:
bewildered Gigi cats will jump ahead,
inside your car and on your empty head.
You should, thus, paint your house pistachi'o green
cause if you stall before your PC screen
he'll haunt the lines of your poetic calls
and bats will eat your order of spring rolls.
© 10-02-2014, G. Phookan, G. Venetopoulos, All Rights Reserved
* Contele Dracula = Count Dracula in Romanian
I have a friend by the name of Tim,
He keeps in shape when frequents the gym.
His Kelly green Mustang he drove
And smack'd it into a cove.
The witches got him and ate one of his limbs!
In the middle of the night,
When the moon shines bright,
A creature stirs with a terrible bite,
And his name is Spoonfang.
This vampire with a spoony face,
Has developed quite the taste,
For creatures of the pudding race,
Has the greedy Spoonfang.
So when the stars through dark clouds peek,
Into the kitchen he will creep,
And a tasty snack he’ll sneak,
Will the crafty Spoonfang.
Mousse and trifle, cake of cheese,
Ice-cream left in the deep freeze,
He’s had a bite of each of these,
Has the naughty Spoonfang.
But tonight he’s set his eyes,
Not on mother’s tasty pies,
But on Gran’s birthday surprise,
A gateau all for Spoonfang.
And so he creeps along the floor,
Tip-toes to the kitchen door,
But someone else is there before,
The bold and daring Spoonfang.
Count Spatula! The greatest Pudding Vampire of them all!
Both the vampires get a fright,
Their screams echo through the night,
And someone switches on the light,
On Spatula and Spoonfang.
Mother tuts and shakes her head,
Sends son and father back to bed,
Neither vampire has been fed,
Not Spatula nor Spoonfang.
Maybe there’s a little Pudding vampire in all of us!
You say things that are really mean
I say that I'm still pretty lean
You say I'm fat and that's unfounded
I say I'm not fat, just well rounded
You say my big waist makes me look like a clown
I say that's not my waist, my chest fell down
You say I should be able to touch my toes with ease
I say you're right, if they were on my knees
You say my socks don't match, I should be more discreet
I say it's not my fault, I can't see my feet
You say I'm too heavy for my height, that's what you state
I say you're wrong, I'm just too short for my weight
You say I should weigh one eighty, no more
I say I'm five ten, I should be six four
You say next Halloween I should dress up as a mouse
I say I'll wear a window and go there as a house
You say I should get more exercise and try to shed a pound
I say that when I sit around, I really sit around
You say at the theatre you were embarrassed and didn't know what to do
I say it was because you sat in seat number three while I sat in one and two
You say I thought you were watching your weight
I say I am, I'm watching it inflate
You say being with me doesn't seem the same anymore
I say I'm still the same, just a whole lot more
You say you'd call if I were thinner
I say just don't call me late for dinner
You say we should work out at the gym down the street
I say we should get up and go out to eat.
Please note! A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Sister, sister sitting there so sweet
Looking so virtuous, acting discreet.
Any male would eagerly bow at your feet
You have no idea of your allure, you're without conceit
Are you offering up a trick or a treat?
Only then will this Halloween finally be complete
Ready your answers to God when you do meet
For nuns of your stature are becoming obsolete!
For my girlfriend who dressed up as a sexy nun.
There once was a witch whose pies
Were unique as to flavor and size.
When she opened her ovens
She delighted her covens,
With dozens of old crusty guys.
I bought all the candy for Halloween night,
Into the cupboard, it sat in plain sight
When later I looked, I just about flipped!
I saw empty wrappings, the bags were all ripped!
The treats were all missing,...so back to the store
I bought several bags, at least three or four.
Now back in my kitchen, I climbed on a chair
To hide them up high on a shelf that was bare...
Behind an old crock pot that he'd never use...
But would you believe, he discovered my ruse?!!!
The big night arrived and much to my grief
The candy had been eaten by that darn sweet toothed thief!!!!
The door bell was ringing, trick-or-treaters had come
I ducked out the back door, and fast did I run!!
Right back to the store, I flew like a witch...
The clerks heard me cursing, like a grouchy old b - - - -!
The store had no candy, sold out every piece
No Big Hunks, no Snickers, no Hersheys or Reese
I bought bags of apples.... gave them out in disgrace
Every kid on the block had disgust on his face
The next Halloween, I'm not buying ahead
I'm a last minute shopper for the candy, instead..
And to all you folks, who buy treats in advance
My advice to you all, is don't take such a chance!
Something else you should learn, from this frustrating tale...,
Next time you buy candy, attach some loud bells!!
------------ P.S.... (A Moral to the story, for an evening so gory)....
He was licking his chops, while he had his sweet binge
But goblins were watching, ........and took their revenge....
That Halloween scrooge...Mr. Thief in the Night
He chipped his back molar, as he took that last bite!!
Submitted for "Funny Spooks" contest
Sponsored by Carol Brown
I got out my pipe and stuffed it with pot,
You better believe, it held a whole lot.
I whipped out a lighter and thumbed up a flame,
Then sucked down that smoke which comforts my brain.
I tried alcohol; and smoked cigarettes,
Though, they did nothing, but give me regrets.
My mom had arthritis and couldn't walk around.
When I rolled her a joint, she danced on the ground.
I thought I was losing my lovemaking knack,
But, after I smoked some, to me it came back.
Soon I decided prices were too high,
So I searched for some ground I wouldn't have to buy.
I bargained for seeds from smokers all around,
Then, got in my truck and drove out of town.
I walked through the woods where the wild birds nest,
And found me the meadow I thought was the best.
I dug up the ground and sowed all my seeds;
Then said a small prayer for strong, healthy weeds.
I watered at night with a five-gallon pail;
The mosquitoes went hungry for I wore a veil.
Eight months went by; I thought I would die,
'Till the Halloween moon was high in the sky.
One night I went out, in my camouflage suit,
And used a corn knife to chop down the loot.
I hung it up to dry where it couldn't be found.
Then came back and got it, when it had turned brown.
I trimmed off the buds, and stuffed them in bags,
Called all my friends and passed out free drags.
In less then a week, my crop was gone!
But, I flew to St. Thomas with love-hungry blond.
Happy Halloween everyone!
I'm not exactly very big
The little man in my family
This summer I will be 197 years
I have a sister who is 199 years
She is a bit sour and grumpy
My mother is of course the world's best
she is 248 years and still likes to dance
The boss of the house .... my father at 252 years
is an expert on telling ghost stories
We have celebrated many birthdays, Christmas,
Easter, weddings and summer holidays
There is one day a year that we like most
and then it becomes real party: Halloween
Do not be frightened if I come to your door
it's only once a year we get ..... Candy
Trick or treat
A-L Andresen :)
< the ... be ~witch ~ing ~ hour
ghost ~ and ~ gobblings ~ lurking .... for
it's ~ candies ....... bounty
amidst ~ swollen ...... moon
face ~ of ~ wicked ~ witch ..... smiling
bats ~ fly ~ in ....... frenzy
great ~ jack - o - lantern
menacing ~ halloween ~ glow
on ~ darken ......... doorsteps
For Linda Marie's
I'm short and most costumes don't fit
Halloween found me in a snit
But I have my answer now
I just comb my long hair down
Add glasses and I'm Cousin It
Written for the Halloween Costume contest
LISTEN, LISTEN! I have BIG NEWS
Dr Suess has a store just full of SHOES..
A GAZILLION shoes I'm sure there must be
Line them all up, bet they'd stretch to the sea!
Small shoes and tall shoes and some with spots
He even has one covered with pink polka dots..
...... Lots of Dots....
Round shoes and square shoes and OH MY
Even lots of cool shoes you don't have to tie
A snake came in cause he was going to school
And wearing shoes at school is a VERY strict rule..
Now where could a snake wear a shoe you ask?
Well he wore the darn thing like a Halloween mask..
You can buy just one pair if your feeling thrifty
But poor old centipede - he had to buy fifty
He first bought 25 pair that were bright yellow
Then 25 orange,now he's quite a colorful fellow
A kangaroo complained that his feet were sore
So extremely sore he could barely hop any more
We fixed him up with a spring loaded pair
Now he can happily hop from here to there
So if a GRANDUFULOUS sight your longing to see
Dr Sues is waiting at the corner of 7th and G
With shoes for the young and shoes for the old
HURRY, HURRY, before the purple ones are sold..
Force through a casket,
A body appears,
Or should I say,what's left,
Groans and moans,
Earth bursting all around,
Covering my ears,
Shutting out this horrible sound,
Raising from the ground,
In your chest,
Twice as fast your heart pound,
Searching for the living,
This Halloween night,
Better not be caught,
It won't be a wonderful sight....
For trick or treating Stella the strumpet
Got dressed up as a butterscotch crumpet
Caught his eye – Jabba the Hutt
He had hunger pangs in his gut
No more strumpet; Hutt plays "Taps" on trumpet
*For John Freeman's Halloween Limericks Contest. ©
If you haven't seen Star Wars, you can see an image of Jabba the Hutt at:
It was a dark and moonless night. The lights were out. The TV low.
My hubby and I were relaxed, cuddled close, as the TV set the room aglow.
The telly had a “Flying Saucer Abduction”, with popcorn, we watched the scene unfold.
Suddenly the dogs perked up, began to bark, then ran in circles to and fro.
Confusion, and worries abounded, as we quieted them with a gentle no.
Then checking the door, we listened to see what would make them act just so.
Slowly, from out of nowhere, we heard a hum, building louder and wildly free.
A fluid vibration was moving around us and through the house, gaining on its spree.
Then as it began to travel thru both of us, a growing Fear came to be…
As it gripped us in the palm of its hand, I feared, surely… it was beckoning me!
We began to wonder what it could be: a transformer, the furnace, or an alien? Could be…
What on earth could be so strong, to cause the humming to hang in the air so free?
It seemed to be controlled by a mysterious hand, and this we were going to see.
Fear ran free, and we made the decree… to find it quickly… or quickly flee.
Was the furnace ready to explode? From the basement and hubby came the word, no!
We both ran outside in force. But the humming disappeared out there, of course. So…
We ran from the dark outside, to hear it again, clearly, where we abide within, it built.
Into the kitchen I quickly ran… But everything was quiet and still… again!
I ran the stairs toward to where my kids did abide, with my heart worried and chilled.
I determined to follow the hum to its end and save my children, that… I would fulfill.
What would we find? We didn’t know, or really want to know, ere our fear could unfold.
The kids were up stairs oblivious to this, as we ran from room to room, nothing to behold.
In my son’s room at the end of the hall, the noise became unbearably loud, as it flowed.
We searched every corner not sure what we’d find, electrical, mechanical, ready to blow?
His game and earplugs kept him oblivious and out of the know…
So we figured he wasn’t the culprit…for once purer than the driven snow.
The humming was growing louder with time… it seemed the roof was the end of the line.
But now our imaginations were in full bloom… A transformer, or alien? We were running out of time!
But somehow that didn’t seem right… we did know… so perhaps soon a fire to fight?
We were now determined… to evacuate everyone to safety, into the night…
Suddenly, we found the Nemesis laying in wait. It was in the bathroom singing to us.
And no, truly I’m not making this up. The bathroom was making us run amuck.
Dripping water was vibrating the pipes. The sound was traveling a resonance throughout the house. Yes… by plumbing… we’d been struck!
My hubby adjusted the float in the toilet you see…. And miraculously the noise simply ceased to be…
Finally we sat down with a sigh, looked at each other, and laughed, as we finished that show…
But what a night that had been! Never had a movie ever entertained us or moved us so…
Especially to such a foolish extreme! Yes, and to this I have to say…
Never before had a toilet… so thoroughly…Yanked our chain! … Happy Halloween!
By Mike and Carol Eastman… A real happening…
Halloween was coming and the angels thought they'd have some fun,
Since they sometimes thought of dressing up before the Holy One.
They all got together and decided to do just that,
Dress up in devilish costumes...Surprise the Lord like some earthly college frat.
Each one was to make his costume from the ethereal
A very inexpensive and unusual type of material.
Then, when the Lord was looking down at earth
Don the costumes for some Heavenly mirth.
It'll be a costume party for us here in our Heavenly abode
Different from always wearing these white sophisticated robes.
We'll have a good laugh and God will understand
We're just having a laugh here in His Heavenly plan.
The moment came, all the costumes had been made
And when the Lord looked up, Heaven was a different shade.
"Something is amiss, here." , He said in the shades of that red hue
Perhaps I'll bring Satan here, to find out if this is something new.
It would be difficult to invite that guest into heaven you see
As he had been banished for all the eons of centuries.
But nothing is impossible for the Lord for He can do any feat
And just when he was to summon Satan, the Angels all shouted
"Trick or Treat"!
In late October the reddest moon didn't change its phase,
it remained in the same spot to watch the witches' ballet;
the loud music matched the mood of the mystical night: tambourines
and flutes frantically played; sneers, jeers, giggles of the ugliest witches
mixed with the goblins' roars while they danced around a huge, hot fire.
I smelled a foul odor, the wild dogs feasted on a bloody oar,
" Leave some for us, or we'll turn you into bats! "
the hunched witch snarled with menacing eyes,
but they roared and threatened her with sharp teeth,
then Olga began to speak Latin words to cast
a spell on them and before it worked, they fled.
Glad that they had left, she dragged the dead animal
and hung it on a long rod to roast on the sparking fire;
hungry witches continued to dance with forks and knives
in their hands, anxiously waiting for their Halloween treat.
Written by Andrew Crisci
for Russel Sivey's contest,
" The Ultimate Halloween Contest "
I was the youngest kid of eight
Halloween was never that great
Orange clown shoes were too big
An old purple horrendous witch's wig
My sisters tutu I that wouldn't use
My brothers cape smelled of doo doo
Superman pants that didn't latch
And that makeup covered eye patch
That Halloween I knocked on this door
The lady was laughing and kicked the floor
Her husband then came around to peek
Then laugh so hard his knees got weak
She said "Oh honey, let's give him the lot"
He agreed, only if I posed for a snapshot
She said "you stay right there, don't move"
I took off so fast, I lost my clown shoes
Come at me Joker you will.
Got your eyes following me like steel.
A piece of me do you need.
Hell, take a few limbs off my tree.
Why did you leave that note on my wall??
Now I fear this echo-y call!
You left (ME) P.D. afraid of the dark.
"LOOK AT ME!"
I'm hiding under my covers, trembling at your weak bark.
I'm so scared,
I'm sleeping with one eye open~
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!"
I even sleep with the lights on.
sigh!" Sigh!" SIGH!"
I Can't let this go on.
A break in the wind,
Did you follow me again??
I hear this tune playing in my head.
LAUGHING and LAUGHING!
I panic with so many tears to shed!
Like a little girl, my hair I twirl.
Why is it me you dread??
This TUNE is making me shiver and quiver like a kid.
Your watching me slither back into bed.
This TUNE I fear!
The noise is growing NEAR.
NEARER and NEARER!
My face is turning white like the dead.
I keep pressing my hands against my ears.
This tune starts to thicken the flow in my veins.
You drive me INSANE.
I get the nerve to look under my bed.
What the FUDGE, is this doing under my bed??
Is this a jack in the box??
Joker are you FREAKING with my head??
A joke a laugh this DESTROYER has lied.
You don't got what it takes to make me hide.
Your trap fell into the pit of my abyss.
I've been waiting for you behind close doors.
We both hide behind a mask.
Your head falls upon my checkered board floor.
I am still P.D., and your masquerade is over my friend.
I've come to destroy the joke you left on my end.
A trick--A riddle--A joke--A game--
Lets call it your death sentence.
I already tagged your stone with my name.
The POET DESTROYER was here : )
And left her name on your headstone of shame.
**the JOKER - re-post**
from: the POET DESTROYER
to: the JOKER *from the poetry pub*
It’s Halloween. . . Come rain or sleet,
I’m sure to hear small goblin feet
come clamoring up each porch stair
that leads them to my door, and there
they’ll hold up bags, call, “Trick or Treat!”
I used to find this night so sweet.
But what a nuisance now to greet
those kids and have to leave my lair!
When young, I’d stay out, wild and fleet
And smartly dressed, skip down each street.
But now, since I can hardly wear
cute little costumes. . . . it’s a BEAR
those kids who climb my steps will meet!
By Andrea Dietrich - 9/22/2012
For The Ultimate Halloween Contest Poetry Contest
of Russell Sivey
on halloween eve
apple bobbing with grandma......
false teeth on apple
smiling carved pumpkin
advertisement of toothpaste......
grandma's false teeth
I wish I had headlice, so I'd get out of work for a day.
I wish I had headlice, to play hookey, I say
I wish I had headlice, I could trick-or-treat alone
I wish I had headlice, I'd get more loot per home!!
I wish I had headlice, I'd get the block to myself
I wish I had headlice, My candy, My wealth!!
I wish I had headlice, my candy stash would be SOOO BIG!!
But mostly, quite honestly, I wish I had headlice,
'Cause some jerk stole my EFFING WIG!!!!
*for the "Show me the Funny" contest!*
Batcave Batmobile Pole
Zapping Banging Powing Action
Happy Halloween All
Batman And Robin
Adam West Burt Ward
< halloween haunting's
black shoe polish foundation
ruby red lipstick
pillow stuffed under big dress
red white bandana for hair
spatula in hand
eggbeater in dress pocket
pillowcase for loot
daddy's boots causing blisters
aunt jemima memories
Halloween Of Tears Past
Tribute To Childhood Memories
I know of a witch, with a wart on her nose
Day after day, we can watch how it grows!
It is thought of by some
That it might weigh a ton!!
How big could it get?? ...Well, nobody knows!!
It itched, she scratched, then rubbed it with lotion
Then guzzled two portions of wicked witch potion
She chanted a curse
Which made it much worse!!
Her nose is so huge...it drips like an ocean!
Halloween came, so she saddled her broom
Climbed on the broom, but her take-off was doomed...
The wart was too heavy!!
So she got in her Chevy!
She zooms through our town, with exhaust fumes in bloom!!
< Now hold on there Tex !
Let me get dressed !
Let me saddle up my horse
To trollop around this Halloween course
Got on my chaps
My spurs and cowboy hat
Replica's of forty five's
Riding on my hips very high
With lasso in my hand
This little cowboy has a plan
So all you ghost and goblins
It's candies bounty I'll be coming an robbing
And I'll be taking loot for mummy
And for my daddy who has a bigger tummy
Happy Halloween To All
Especially little tikes who are so cute and small
Halloween Costume Contest
On Halloween I always get a rock everywhere I go.
I decided to retaliate by throwing their rocks through their windows.
I never even get one piece of candy, that really blows.
I'm so ignorant that I cut my costume full of holes.
I look absolutely ridiculous and dorky in this stinking sheet, I don't even look like a ghost.
I'm paying people back for their unkindness, especially Lucy because she deserves it the most.
Last week Lucy told me to kick the football but I kicked her in the head.
She told her father and he started choking me, I thought I was dead.
When he got through strangling me, I dropped two Cherry Bombs down his pants.
I blew off his privates and now when he wants to give his wife some loving, he can't.
When people used to do mean things to me, they would laugh.
But now they treat me with respect to avoid my terrible wrath.
(This poem is a parody of the Peanuts Comic Strip.)
Let me chase that naughty witch
on the flying, wooden broom...
causing havoc and gloom,
that's why she's super rich
robbing any unlit house watched by a raccoon
and laughing she bypasses the orange moon.
Ugly and treacherous witch, you won't admit
that you steal candies from children's bags without a rip,
but proof is on your rotten teeth yellowed by sweets...
doesn't their cry move you enough to return their treats?
Why would a witch on a flying, wooden broom
steal and hide goodies in the darkest castle room,
where the empty caskets of vampires lay?
Have you seen the blood stains earlier in the day?
Fly over pumpkin-lit graveyards while Death looks for skeletons
to hang on trees to celebrate the eerie Halloween night...
keep away from such an horrifying place infested with bats;
fly faster, fly higher before darkness becomes light!
Written on 9/11/ 2012
I was twelve years old, it was one Halloween night
My brother was driving me in his old beat up car
He had been told to take care, and keep me in sight
He sighed, threw up his hands, and gave me "that" glare!
We drove awhile...it was cold, spooky and dark
Instead of trick or treating, we continued our ride
In front of his best friend's house, he quickly parked
Told me to stay put in the car...then went on inside
I sat a bit afraid...then out of the dark, the devil said Boo to me!!!
Looked into the window!! ..I screamed, grabbed the keys...threw a fit, locked the doors
The devil was my brother.......all dressed up...he had tiptoed through trees!
His friend was laughing hysterically.....they thought they had scored!!
What they didn't know.... when I had taken the keys
I'd tossed them out of the window and into the leaves!!
(A true story!!
ps...After an hour or so, on hands and knees looking for the keys
we found them finally.................and yes!! He finally took me trick-or-treating!
We are still laughing over this story, many years later!
Actually, he is was and is a terrific brother, by the way,
but still throws up his hands occasionally
and gives me "that" glare..Lol!!)