Love was in the air when he laid eyes on her.
Childhood; elementary and even high school with her.
Walking towards her, he greeted her.
Anxiety spiraled as he hugged her.
Conversation grew deeper as he sat with her.
Wanting to get closer because he was falling for her.
Another woman called pausing the time he was having with her.
Knowing he had to answer; he stepped away and spoke to her.
She stated that something wasn't quite right with her.
She said that her stomach had been bothering her.
Now he's thinking back if he came inside her.
Thinking if she lied to him about her tubes being tied within her.
Does he blame himself for listening to her?
Knowing right from wrong and yet he can't blame her.
Does he blame the devil for allowing him to be intimate with her?
Is he not a human that makes mistakes just like her?
Begging God to make a way for him and her.
Asking God to forgive him for committing the sin with her.
God said, "relax my son, you were only dreaming of her."
Football coach Bobby Bowden was never one to cuss
But refs make mistakes and coaches have a right to fuss
“St. Bowden” as he was lovingly called by players
Instilled moral values and hushed all the naysayers
He’d not take God’s name in vain, so he coined dadgumit
It became his trademark, might appear in his obit
If a ref made a bad call, he’d race onto the field
Never said God d*** it, when the ref’s call he appealed
"Dadgumitrefereeism" got his point across
The refs would shy away because Bobby was the boss
Sometimes calls were overturned since Bobby was revered
Short and stout in stature, but the refs still shook in fear
The “Saint” played with God on his side and the refs knew it
Dadgumitrefereeism didn't bother God a bit
God took his time to make the world and we are truly blessed,
He worked so hard for six long days but then He took His rest.
A whole day off from His creation so what’s a deity to do?
He slept late then got Himself some premium coffee to brew.
Then He made himself some cinnamon buns and ate them on the deck,
He wondered how things were back on Earth but resisted the urge to check.
They’ll be fine for just one day. How much trouble could they find?
I left them alone in a paradise and now it’s My turn to unwind.
Then He remembered the serpent and the tree of wrong and right,
And He began to worry that they’d never make it to the morning light.
So He put on a robe and grabbed His keys and headed for the door,
Then He stopped himself before He left and He paced across the floor.
If He couldn’t trust them for even one day then what good would they be?
So He decided to make a mutton sandwich and go and watch TV.
But He couldn’t concentrate on the game and He was running out of chips,
And taking a little walk in the garden would be much better for His hips.
He went to check up on the kids in Eden and what do you suppose?
Sure enough He found the two of them running around in clothes.
They pointed fingers at each other and at the snake and at the tree,
And all the while He thought to Himself, they really do need Me.
That’s why God keeps Himself available no matter what the time or day,
So when we are in need of his strength we only have to pray.
Who knows? Maybe someday we’ll realize what there is at stake,
We’ll be able to take care of ourselves and then God can take a break.
But not yet.
When snakes had legs and love was free,
A man called Adam climbed a tree.
Although he knew the act was banned,
He plucked an apple with his hand.
In Eden you could always find,
Delicious fruits of every kind.
And everyone of them were free,
Except the apples on this tree.
A snake you see, the curse of man,
Had swayed the mind of his woman.
His partner Eve had tried it all,
Except this luscious juicy ball.
But God had made it very clear,
He was the one you had to fear.
There is one thing you should not do,
”This tree is mine, and not for you!”
When battle rages in man’s mind,
To do what’s right for all mankind.
A woman’s will, will then prevail,
No matter if it makes him fail.
So Adam plundered to his fate,
His woman said she could not wait.
He plucked the fruit to his demise,
No matter that it was unwise.
Now God’s authority was broke,
They’d disobeyed the words he spoke.
He told them both to go away,
And closed his garden from that day.
So Eve and Adam, duly clothed,
Now left that place they’d been betrothed.
And found a world so large and free,
Where they could climb just any tree.
The snake of course had lost it’s legs,
Because he put God’s power to test.
By tempting woman in this way,
He’d had an awful price to pay.
But God it was, who came off worse,
His power was gone, and even worse.
A ‘woman’ had defeated him,
By making man commit this sin.
So women now will rule the land,
Not God, or men you understand?
For women conquer all they see.
While God enjoys ‘snakes legs’ for tea!
I’m cool, warmed up, loose. I’m gonna crack this ball straight down the fairway
all the way to the white post, clean and straight. Yeah.
I’m the king of the worm burners, oh, no, I’m the baddest Tiger of these
here woods. Ha ha, not bad, I launched that there rocket clean
into that oak, missed my forehead, missed my partner, never you mind.
I’m out on the fairway now.
I’m cool, warmed up, loose. Got my eye on the ball.
King of Zen. Just swing and … yeah. Okay.
I’m King of the beach blanket beee-ing go. Okayyy. No problem. Golf is about practice
and practice make perfect. Okay, closed my eyes there.
Splash? Splash it is.
Okay, I’m Chipping King, just smack that ball into that little ole hole.
God’s be with me. Whew.
I’m the man. Ain’t I the man? Blow me a-way!
It’s all won on the greens guys. Ain’t I the King? Didn’t I just chip right in? Ever see
anything like that before? MMMhmm. You on for five on the next hole?
upside down from a rafter
giving my cherished name
to short splintered sticks
that hits long balls
out of sight
both day and night and
did I mention the difficulty that I have
in going while hanging upside down
God made it so that
I must move to move
and stand upright
If God would take the moon
And make it into a great pie,
The sweet aroma of spice
And green apple would fill the sky.
He’d begin with the careful peeling,
Making the globe shining apple-white.
Then He’d find fixins’ to get it just right.
He would count the servings needed
For the whole world to be satisfied,
And choose just the right flavoring
To set all differences of taste aside,
But with all due respect to the bakers’ pride.
To provide for all the world’s problems,
God gives his secret spiritual answers.
So to the seasoning of the apples,
He adds His nine flavor enhancers.
With perfection, God takes no chances.
There is a pinch of peace, joy, and love,
For that aroma that rises above.
Then there is the patience, gentleness and grace,
So that humankind need not eat in haste.
He wants all to sense the goodness in the taste.
Next faith, modesty and moderation He adds,
And then more love he sprinkles in scads.
Here below our appetites we whet,
Our stomach’s pits to be satisfied.
Thankful for every morsel we get,
Until convinced our Lord is glorified.
Soon one could hardly see a crumb.
But we have no need at all to fear,
For at the end of daylight’s trusty gleam,
The moon again is a shining sphere.
He starts singing songs of Ireland and we are home in a jiffy
"What's a jiffy," my mother wonders
"Guess where we went Granny?"
"I don't know but I have a feeling you are gonna tell me," answers my grandmother
"And Don't call me Granny!"
"We went to church so Poppy could ask secret questions."
"The priest gave Poppy a shot and a beer and Poppy sent me next store and he gave me money for taffy."
"He told me not to tell anyone especially you about the priest cause it's only for the priests ears."
"He said God would take away taffy and I'd never get another goodie and God would strike me dead if I told."
"So I can't tell anyone."
"He did," and she starts yelling and grabs a weapon,"what kind of idiot would be scaring a little child?"
Granny is standing on Poppy's toes and and asking him questions of where he'd been and getting a sniff of his breath
"So what did you tell the priest and him giving you consolation and a shot and beer."
"That little rat ," and thinks about the money for candy
Later, Granny is chasing Poppy with that big iron frying pan and poppy running and singing
"In Heaven they have no beer, that's why we drink it here."
"You damn fool I'm gonna bust you in the head, "and throws the pan at his head
Cousin Francis has bill collectors come to the house looking for him
Granny was four foot seven inches and she starts kicking him in the shin
My Mother grabs his Dick Tracy hat and she jumps on it and flattens it
I ask my mom where I was when this happened and she pauses
" You were in Heaven Patrick waiting with your brother!"
The truancy officers bang on the door and want to know where Uncle Charles is
Granny shrugs and says, "He is upstairs and the sound of the window going up sounds
They all run upstairs and see Uncle sliding down the tree and running as fast as his
seven year legs can move
He comes home later that evening holding a goose under his arm
And Poppy has a soft-boiled goose egg for breakfast every morning
I ask Uncle what happened to that goose and He said,"one day he came home and
they had chicken for dinner."
And Poppy was gone to heaven to get me and my brother ready Mom says
And Granny sits my brother and me on her lap and says,"you two knuckleheads listen up."
"This is very important so don't forget it."
"Treat people the way you want to be treated, because you never know who is going to hand you your last glass of water"
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?
When the call of the Lord came to Jonah,
“set out for the great land of Nineveh!”
he was angry inside,
and decided to hide,
on a Tarshish bound ship leaving Joppa.
Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea,
ne’er a more violent storm could there be,
there on destiny’s brink,
the ship threatened to sink,
while, old Jonah, was below deck asleep.
Surely, each sailor’s heart fainted with fear,
as the ship they were unable to steer.
“Wake up, Jonah!” they cried,
“get thee quickly topside,
and fervently beg your God to draw near!”
Now, Jonah knew that this storm was for him,
as in his heart he remembered his sin,
he thought he was sunk,
when they gave him the dunk,
and had to choose whether to sink or to swim.
As soon as Jonah met up with the ocean,
Both the winds and the waves ceased commotion,
then along came a whale,
and old Jonah grew pale,
as it swallowed him up in one motion!
Three long days in that big fish he stayed,
vowing never again would he stray,
relieved not to be dead,
and with kelp on his head,
onto dry land, our dear Jonah was sprayed!
Please, allow me, now this moral to mention,
that when the Lord God gives thee direction,
you must not delay,
set out right away,
His good judgment you must never question.
Should by chance, you hear God’s voice compelling,
“ head thee out to Bangladesh or New Delhi,”
best get on the right boat,
and pray that it floats,
lest you end up kelp covered and smelly!
I asked for strength for the journey
But its in the journey I find the strength
I hear lost souls cry out
These are more than just words that I think
Yeah I'm on the brink of disaster
Lady Luck I'll come by and see you later
But at this time I'm ending the game I only got like ten minutes
But actually I'm running five minutes late
Yeah! its kinda like my life story
Yep, the red foe is crushed now
Sure, I'm just like lightning that is struck down
Like the beginning of wisdom, is to distinguish the differences
I face my fears, I continue in the face of resistance
Because the path of least resistance is what makes both men and rivers crooked
If I have another hearing the judge will throw the book at me
And last night, Oh my GOD why did you forsake me
I got on my knees and prayed for guidance through this darkness
I went back to where it started: and I walked away, took away the threat and became the target
Of course I'm more than just a product of my environment
I'm entirely> Aware that there are 2 kinds of conspiracy
The conspiracy of the government and the conspiracy of the devil
My soul is here just to show you, you must dig deeper inside yourself
I've reached way past the point where it seems hopeless
Every door in Sweetwater is closed to me
So I close the door to hell and open the door to heaven
It was God who said everything my hand touched would prosper
And my hand has touched this keyboard
And my voice is just screaming out to touch that microphone
"Get your microphone and make it pretty; Put a skull around it for this city"
Three Atheist limericks
for April Fools' Day 2006
Dear Mrs. Schiavo: Goodbye.
Dear Mrs. Schiavo: Goodbye.
Fifteen years was a long time to die.
Your husband was brave
To withstand the wave
Of inedible pie in the sky.
Why San Diegans remove Crosses from public Land
The SD City Council must hold strong:
Those mountaintop Christians are wrong.
Crucifixion's the sign
Of insensitive minds
Not the Native Americans' song.
Dear Judeo-Christian God:
Your behavior's exceedingly odd.
You let Hitler misbehave
Then killed thousands with waves
And can't keep your priests' hands off kids' bods!
Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar
So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong
Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near
Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar
I do not know?
One day I asked God if I could have a cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee.
No problem David, God said, coming right up.
He then organised a miner to get the ore to make the things He needed.
He then organised a farmer to plow the land to grow the wheat to make the bread.
He then organised a farmer to milk the cow to make the butter and the cheese.
He then organised a farmer grow the beans to make the coffee.
He then organised a driver to transport all the items to the kitchen.
He then organised a chef to make the sandwich and the cup of coffee.
He then organised the waiter to serve it up on a tray just for me.
I didn't dare tell Him that I had changed my mind after all that trouble!
Thank You Lord, it was a lovely snack.
While waiting at the car wash.
© Dave Timperley 2012
Luck is not in my dictionary
So, my life, losses only carry
Of course I make a honest try
But, ignores it God in the Sky
When I well prepare for the exam
Fate changes that day's program
In case I buy my favorite fruit
My joy, all tiny worms loot
If I go to the doctor for consultation
He would have gone out of station
When to tell my deep love I at last plan
She becomes the wife of another man
In the terrace when I put the flour
Suddenly comes a heavy downpour
I bought for my relative honey bottle
With diabetes he is making a battle
I gave generously bread to a beggar
He took it not due to severe sugar
Next day he to me sadly lamented
For his unhappiness, I repented
Superb English poems I finely write
My mother has no English might
When I decide to see today TV
Work in the office will turn heavy
When I aim for promotion in career
Head Office cancels it for that year
When I take the rain coat cautiously
Sun will generate heat mercilessly
In case I take not the rain coat
For severe rain, weather will vote
When I love to become a friend
His hand, none will kindly extend
While hearing a song in the radio
My family will prefer only the video
When I go cheerfully to the theater
Gets then punctured my scooter
God does not like me a bit
He does only the opposite
So I love not to live longer
Then God makes me linger
For five decades this is happening
So my disappointment is deepening.
SEARCH mvvenkataraman IN GOOGLE OR YAHOO
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Forty years is a pretty long time to be out on a camping trip,
And when you’re living on a mountainside you can start to lose your grip.
So God called his people together to tell them about his plan,
“Folks I just wanted to say, I’m sending you to the Promised Land.”
He talked to them of a land that was flowing with milk and honey,
And told them that to own it all wouldn’t cost them any money.
God divided them up into tribes and then into armies and finally squads,
They thought that their vision of milk and honey must be different than God’s.
When they marched into the land they found people who were very big,
They thought that this land of giants would snap them like a twig.
The walls of the cities in this land were tall and they towered to the sky,
They thought that God must be mad at them so they went to ask him why.
“Lord, it’s going to be tough to attack walls made strong with mortar and bricks,
When we are all only tiny little people running around with pointy sticks.”
God railed at them for having so little faith and told them to attack,
They sort of looked at each other and then told God that he could have it back.
But the Lord told them all to hunker down and do their very best to be brave,
After all the time that Moses had invested God was certainly going to save.
And so they were delivered and the land became their home to keep,
They just never would have guessed that the rent would be so steep.
living for the moment
ended life as we knew it
but i'm just doing whatever
kind of hoping
for some entertainment
along the way
a day in the life
of the sunny day blues man
this is the best i ever was
the best i'll ever be
don't you agree
the sunny day blues man
isn't it funny the way news slants
the return of the sunny day blues man
just be happy with what you choose man
Never a better option than a given hand
thank god for the sunny day blues man
hope isn't a measure
it's just tested time
a clamp of suspense
when the moments array
an echo of needs
to balance out
the ways things seem
is the best you and I
will ever be
don't you agree
the sunny day blues man
isn't it funny the way news slants
the return of the sunny day blues man
just be happy with what you choose man
Never a better option than a given hand
thank god for the sunny day blues man
at times life seems to cycles
signals of distress
vanity and cupcakes
i know, it's a brute mess
but along with the irony
yes, the madness seems to iron me
yet i am still here
the eyes a thinker
life of a fighter
hands of a lighter weight
when smiles reflected a pinch of hurting
because in punishment
the sunlight just couldn't outreach the curtains
though we take the steps alike
we trespass the worries to vaguely
but it was times like these that made me
and it's the best i'll ever be
"the things we accept in steps of courage"
God called on Jonah to do something he didn’t want to do.
So Jonah beat a path for Tarshish to hide from you know who.
But when he was on the ship God caused the sea to rise,
His shipmates thought that tossing him over would probably be wise.
Then God sent a fish to swallow Jonah and give him time to think,
But after spending three days inside a whale Jonah began to stink.
So Jonah prayed to God and promised that he’d try to do much better,
He’d go give the word to Nineveh if it meant he wouldn’t get any wetter.
So God made the fish puke him up somewhere near his goal,
But the smell of fish innards and bile was starting to take a toll.
By the time he’d walked to Nineveh the stench made Jonah sick,
But the combination of the message and retching odor seemed to do the trick.
Nineveh promised that they’d be better than God could ever conceive,
If only Jonah would hurry to the city gate and oh dear God please leave.
I guess that old saying is true, the one that people with in-laws tell,
That after three days of being around, both fish and prophets smell.
I was told God made this marvellous place,
for the sole benefit of the human race,
although through the years it really seems,
as if this is the figment of someone's dreams,
and maybe a lot of what I've been told,
just seems to shine,but isn't gold.
Yes, I used to ask only now and then,
but nowadays it happens,again and again,
and the questions asked all revolve,
around a problem I can't solve.
How come it took him only six days,
to make the universe, for us to amaze,
and in this time to populate too,
our world with people and the rest of the zoo?
As I know for a fact, that when my dear mother,
was making my new little baby brother,
it took her about nine months or so,
before she was able to let him go,
and he could join us in this lovely place,
a shiny new addition to the human race.
So how come God could possibly do,
something like that in a second or two?
I think I'd better buy a new book,
this really does rate a really good look!
I climbed a tall tree one day when I was young
Walked out on a branch while staring at the sun
Holding onto some limbs I started to bounce up and down
Not thinking about the fact that I was twenty feet from the ground
So I closed my eyes to really enjoy this new found fun
With the warmth on my face of the early morning sun
I started thinking about God and perhaps he would allow me to fly
So I let go of the limbs I was hanging onto at both sides
For a moment I felt a strong embrace that filled me with his love
Then down out of the tree to the ground I fell with a thud
Everything on my left side was now on my right
And I carried this pain with me all through that night
I will never forget that day I truely believed I could fly
And how thankful to God that I am still alive
What are the qualities that a friend should
have – that which would make a true friend so true?
A friend is one whom you like to be with
while a true friend insists on being with you.
A friend likes you when you have so much in
common. True friends like you who for who you are.
True friends make you feel as though they are at
all times near, although they are very far.
A true friend is one whom you can always
talk to, even at night when it is late -
when loved ones are asleep, a true friend is
always there to hear what you have to say.
Friends like to share, but a true friend always
gives you – not what you want, but what you need.
The feelings you hide, as well as your thoughts,
and your dreams, a true friend can always read.
A friend may forgive you or they may not
forgive, for something wrong you’ve done to them.
A true friend forgives even when you don’t
ask. True friends forgive - again and again.
Friends are close when you are close to them. A
true friend wants your friendship to be closer.
A true friend does what is best for you, and
hates that you would end up with the losers.
A true friend teaches you lessons to help
you grow – lessons that are hard and easy.
A true friend is always there - having a
true friend can never make you feel lonely.
Friends may sometimes make mistakes, but a true
friend is always careful not to hurt you.
A true friend is a guide and a teacher.
A true friend knows everything you go through.
The true friend I mention is our God,
who kept you company before you were born.
The friendship of God, if you truly keep
and cherish, you will never feel forlorn.
The true friend we all need is God (Allah) –
the One who guides and can teach us lessons,
the One who hears our calls and understands,
the One always near – in every season –
Allah, as a Friend, never judges us
by the way we look and how we appear.
Allah, as a Guide, if we ask Him for
guidance, He guides us and makes our paths clear.
Allah is with us – each day and each night –
He is always there when all are asleep.
Allah always listens when others don’t.
He gives you comfort when He sees you weep.
Fortunate are those who have Allah as
a Friend. Friendship with God is friendship true.
May Allah bless me with His Friendship and
May Allah’s Friendship be shared with you too.
Miriam / Mariam Mababaya
God gave Moses and his brother Aaron this celestial command:
"I have selected thee to lead My people to The Promised Land!
You'll wander in the wilderness for forty years in the scorchin' sand!
I'll hold you personally responsible to see that nothin' gets outta hand!"
After many plagues, Pharoah was finally convinced to let them go.
There was much singin' and dancin' but the euphoria quickly lost its glow.
The mob grumbled about their first stop, Elim (aka Palm Springs East)!
Miffed because there was no swimmin' pool, golf course or 5-star place to feast!
They complained about bitter water at Marah so Moses struck a stone, and wallah!
A stream of sweet water flowed from the stone more than they could swallah!
They moaned and groaned because they were foot sore and had little to eat,
Complainin' to Moses that they shoulda stayed in Egypt outta the searin' heat!
Heavenly manna descended upon them and they gathered bushel baskets full.
But they tired of mannaburgers, mannastew and mannahelper findin' it rather dull.
They murmured and wanted meat so God provided flocks and flocks of quail.
Still they grumbled - too much quail a la king and at Moses they did rail!
Hapless Moses nearly threw in his staff but God said, "Keep followin' that cloud!
I'm quickly losin' patience with thee and that ungrateful, complainin' crowd!"
So Moses with resolute stride led the Israelites to the land of milk and honey,
Mumblin' to himself, "Damned if I'll do this again for any amount of money!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
What makes you happy?
Is it the stars at night?
The sound of the chirping birds?
Or is it because you received a blessing?
Are you happy because your chicken already laid its first egg?
Or because you've been enrolled to a school?
Is it because you've been rewarded a new pair of slippers?
Or because you got what you wanted from the mall?
Are you happy because your mom allowed you to have an ice cream?
Or maybe because your dad brought you to Disneyland?
Is it because life taught you a new game today?
Or because you enjoy some game on your iPod?
Are you happy because you've perfected the taste of your coffee?
Is that grin because of a bet you've won?
So why? Tell me
Is it the fact that there's still fresh air that you're breathing?
Is it because you just finished a novel?
Or because you've composed a song yourself?
Are you glad that you've designed a perfect house for you?
Or because you gave yourself a car?
Are you smiling because of your high grades?
Is it because you made a new friend today?
Do you feel great for having an awesome pet?
Or is it because your family loves you so?
Why are your dimples showing off?
Is it because you feel God's presence?
Or is it because you can now smell justice ahead of you?
Is that what makes you happy?
So what exactly makes you happy?
Who created that rainbow in your eyes?
Are you happy because you feel it?
Or are you just happy because you say so?
Best Ever Saw
I’m gonna tell you a story,
Of the saltiest preacher I know.
The kinda man to charge hell,
With a hand full of snow.
Now I was stompin out broncs.
For the ranch W M,
Tunin’ up for the rodeo
That I planed to win.
When this tall talkin’ preacher,
Tells me about all my sin,
And tellin’ me about salvation,
That only with the lord could I win.
So I tells him God never been,
On no killer broncs as these.
Only his counter part,
Can tame the likes of these.
But that ol’ preacher was a believer,
And said God can move mountains,
And only through his word,
Can you find out his plans.
I say’s true nuff,
I believe it’s a fact.
But I get you wouldn’t be so sanctomonios
If you got on catamouts back.
Well now that ol’ preacher
Up and calls my bluff
And toe’s into the sturrip
And settled down with a huff
Now Catamount likes what he does,
And does it right well.
And I knew this here preacher
Was going to get a real taste of hell
Ol’ Cat knew every trick
Writ in the book
And I’d lay wages to say he’s
The auther if you cared to look
Cat he start out easy to the left
And finishes out to the right
But that preacher sat that saddle
Jest holdin’ on tight
Then that mean ol’ bronc
Starts curly-wolfin’ it though the field
And I think that preacher
Knew ol’ Cat would never yield.
Next cat starts a sunfishin’
‘cuz he had new shoes he wanted to show
Oh. By the way they’re Nike’s
‘case you wanted to know.
But then that preacher was about
To give up and fall
The Wallmart attendant came out
And unplugged the pony from the wall
That goes to show you
The Lord works in strange ways
For I see that preacher ever’ week
‘Cuz I goes to church on Sundays.
SO YOU KNOW YOU’RE ALIVE
SO THAT YOU’LL HAVE SOMETHING
TO WORK ON
WHEN EVERYTHING ELSE IS GONE
WHEN RECREATION FAILS YOU
AND YOU’RE FEELING REAL BLUE
PROBLEMS WILL BE THERE
ONLY FOR YOU
SOMETHING TO REMEMBER THE PAST BY
WHEN THEY’RE ULTIMATELY GONE
AND ALMOST FORGOTTEN
EXCEPT FOR THE SIGH
SOMETHING TO CREATE FOR THE FUTURE
SO THAT YOU KNOW
YOU WON’T BE BORED
AND THAT THEY’LL PASS BY
BUT BE REPLACED WITH THE NEW
THANK GOD FOR PROBLEMS
FOR THE FLU
Last Saturday night I dropped by for a few beers at Kelsey's Bar.
Archie Bunker was there, drinkin' beer and chompin' on a nickel seegar,
Expoundin' on religion and his pinko, atheist son-in-law, Meathead!
If you dared to contradict him, he'd tell you right off to drop dead!
"Edith gits her guidance from The Reverend Fletcher but the Bible is my guide!
Now you take Adam and Eve. She took a bite of apple and to God she lied!
So woman brung about the downfall of man and God got purty sore I hear,
And saith, "Clothe thyselfs in fig leaves and git the 'ell outta here!"
"Meathead said Christ was Jewish - musta been on His mother's side!
But what does that atheist know about such things - God he don't abide!
He don't believe Christ is the Son of God but the Bible says it's so!
To prove that, ever'body gits Christmas off to jubilate as we know!"
"God can do anything, buddy! He can turn your jawbone into an ass!
Don't listen to nothin' Meathead says about religion - he's so full of gas!
I say God created the world in seven days - Edith said it was six days,
'Cause He rested on the seventh - maybe so - He works in mysterious ways!"
"God don't make no mistakes - that's how He got to be ruler of the universe!
So don't go blamin' Him for your troubles - without Him things could be worse!"
My head was spinning when I left Kelsey's Bar and it wasn't because of the beer!
'Twas Archie Bunker's curious doctrinal insights that brought it on, I fear!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Sweet pea, Apple blossom, Anemone, Brodea,
Peach blossom, Amaryllis, Delwood, Freesia,
Ranunculus, Calla lily, Bird of Paradise.
I think each of these smell very nice.
Needing more, these are a must.
Gardenia, Hollyhock, Narcissus,
Tulip, Wax flower, Seeded Eucalyptus.
I’m neither gardener nor a green thumb.
Must I say it, I’m rather flower dumb.
Every flower I plant quickly begins to fade.
Where to plant, what to plant, I don’t know the trade.
Alas I try every year to have a great show,
Not a lack of effort, just a lack of know.
Now if you see me in the yard digging in the dirt,
Ask God a prayer for the plants not to hurt.
Because each year I do ask God to forgive me,
Even though I fail, I’m a Springtime Wannabe.
Inspired by the contest Flowers of Spring (not an entry)
Subject of poor poetry
Just like this one. Damn.
God ! you call yourself god !
If you wanna play god and call yourself god
That’s your business
But you’re no god to us mister !
From a distance, she is full of grace
Floating in the air in an angel’s space
Perfectly dressed, not a hair out place
Diction is perfect, she is articulate
Back straight, shoulder’s down
Head back, do not look around
She smell’s of flowers, has skin like silk
Drives a car the color of milk
Educated, debutant, and elite
Recognized everywhere, even on the street
Green paper not an issue
“God Bless You” she will give you a tissue
Family dinners, proper seating
Forks, knives, spoons all know their places
Napkins play a part, before we can begin to start
Only one arm you have when you eat
And, God forbid, you had better be neat!
For this is not a party for dinner
This is an actual event....
My hair is quite chaotic
The clothes on my back make me look like I am going to attack
The color of my car looks like a green vegetable
Educated still trying, proper I want to pop her.
My green paper is made of construction
Utensils, I only use a fork by reason of deduction.
Look, two arms I have “that's neat!” dear God I’m hungry, let’s eat!
Holly P. Moore