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Funny Food Poems | Funny Poems About Food

These Funny Food poems are examples of Funny poems about Food. These are the best examples of Funny Food poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

Just Desserts

I was at my favourite restaurant and had a lovely meal
If I finished all my food then a pudding was the deal
I’d relished every morsel and was pleased as a Cheshire cat
The dessert menu was on its way, Oh I couldn’t wait for that

The waitress bought the menus and I rubbed my hands with glee
Oh sticky toffee pudding, now that’s the one for me
She came to take the order – we had waited as you do
She finally turned to me and said ‘oh Madam what can I get you’

Oh stiffy cockie pudding please was my swift reply
I didn’t realise what I’d said till I saw the tears form in her eye
I went as red as a beetroot and the others began to laugh
At my spoonerism which turned into a complete gaffe

The pudding it came quickly but I couldn’t wait to leave
I choked on every mouthful and my stomach it did heave
So please take notice of my error on this horrendous day
If you order sticky toffee pudding be careful what you say!

This is a true experience! The waitress was a student at the school I work at - I was so pleased when she went to university - I have never ordered this dessert since!

Submitted to Richard's Beginnings Matter Contest  - It had taken a month of badgering by my friend jenny Brewer to even pluck up courage to post my poems - I wondered how my humour would be appreciated!
~awarded 2nd place~

Details | Rhyme | |

My Dilemma of Soup, or No Love For The Crackers

Oh, nicker.  Oh, nacker.
I broke my poor cracker
While putting it in my soup.
I just wanted a nibble,
But the soup had to quibble,
And thus all my plans turned to poop.

So now I'm here sittin'
A poor man quite smitten
With no other crackers to spare,
On soup that's unlawful,
So twisted and awful,
That it kills with no thought and no care. 

Why can't it relate,
And learn not to hate,
My crunchy, crisp wafers of bread,
It would have much more fun
Not to mention for one,
My crackers won't all end up dead.

I suppose it’s too much
To ask soup for such
A commitment to love other food.
But till its attitude mends,
And it learns to make friends,
I believe that my crackers are screwed.

Details | Light Poetry | |

I've Been A Bad Girl

I've been a bad girl
I've indulged in a desert
Topped with a cherry swirl.

I've been overcome by lust
I have tasted that
delicious graham cracker crust.

I've been less than innocent
When I'm surrounded
By that heavenly cherry scent

I've been very bad it's true
You can punish me
Because I didn't share with you

I've been very very bad
But this is the best cheesecake I have ever had!


Details | Rhyme | |

Spoonfang The Pudding Vampire

In the middle of the night,
When the moon shines bright, 
A creature stirs with a terrible bite, 
And his name is Spoonfang.

This vampire with a spoony face,
Has developed quite the taste,
For creatures of the pudding race,
Has the greedy Spoonfang.

So when the stars through dark clouds peek,
Into the kitchen he will creep,
And a tasty snack he’ll sneak,
Will the crafty Spoonfang.

Mousse and trifle, cake of cheese,
Ice-cream left in the deep freeze,
He’s had a bite of each of these,
Has the naughty Spoonfang.

But tonight he’s set his eyes,
Not on mother’s tasty pies,
But on Gran’s birthday surprise,
A gateau all for Spoonfang.

And so he creeps along the floor,
Tip-toes to the kitchen door,
But someone else is there before,
The bold and daring Spoonfang.

Count Spatula! The greatest Pudding Vampire of them all!

Both the vampires get a fright,
Their screams echo through the night,
And someone switches on the light,
On Spatula and Spoonfang.

Mother tuts and shakes her head,
Sends son and father back to bed,
Neither vampire has been fed,
Not Spatula nor Spoonfang.

Maybe there’s a little Pudding vampire in all of us!

Details | Rhyme | |

How To Avoid Overeating This Thanksgiving

The perfect way to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving is to put super glue on your lips.
If you're not able to eat your Thanksgiving dinner, it can't go straight to your hips.
That's the perfect way to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving.
But if you can't get your lips unstuck, one week later you'll no longer be living.

Details | Alliteration | |



"I can’t find the words I want to say! “
Under the moonbeam and sparkling scattered stardust, 
I can feel the dew, which surpasses through the night.
As I speak to you in tongue, this stale flavor becomes overdone. 
A taste of what is behind them luscious ludicrous lips.

I finally ask!
“Do you not feel what I feel?
Can you not feel my heart hesitating and holding hectically?
Addressed with attach anticipation on your side!
It is my hesitation, to answer with, “Please?”
The dwelling night disappears, underneath my deepen darken days,
In which makes every day, another night to come.
The wondering and whining worsens a little more.
I ache for seconds more, than my mind begins to mend.

The mornings keep approaching fast, the silences breaks!
Shattered scattered splattered words, finally released.

You start to nurture up around your notable noble nearsighted eyes.
For I have starved, just about all I can take.
Master of this crying slave… 
“Your perception burns, the prescription, of persuasive deception.”
Your inacceptable improper intention cannot heal me now!
Leaving an awkward awareness feel, which lingers to the lustiness’, lost inside of me.
With a wallow with a swallow, soaping and spiting the sight of you.
Meanwhile your thoughts focus on the painful pulsating pleasure. 
You will unleash on me…
For leaving all the crummy crumbling crumbs under our silver satin sheets.  
I will be smacking and snaking surrendering and yielding, yearning at your will.

Please Master Can I have another, Cracker in bed~~ ?


Details | Epulaeryu | |

Succulently Sweet Pumpkin Pie (Epulaeryu)

“The finest poetry
     is the most feigning.”
           —William Shakespeare

Smelling scent soothe my soul
Sits in sleek oven
Simmering Jack-O-Lantern
Smile so nicely
Saliva pours for
Sweet pumpkin

© Joseph, November 2, 2008
© All Rights Reserved

Semi finalist contestant
292 out of 887 submissions
June 1, 2009 International Contest


Joseph S. Spence, Sr., is the author of "The Awakened One Poetics" (2009), which is 
published in seven different languages. He invented the Epulaeryu poetry form, which 
focuses on succulent cuisines and drinks. He is published in various forums, including the 
World Haiku Association; Poetinis Druskininku, Milwaukee Area College, Phoenix Magazine; 
Möbius Poetry, and Taj Mahal Review to name a few. Joseph is a Goodwill Ambassador for 
the state of Arkansas, USA, a college faculty, and a military veteran.


Details | Rhyme | |

Death by Chocolate

Sandy was a chocoholic,
The worst I've ever seen!
If she didn't eat some daily,
She'd become crazy mean!

It didn't matter what kind it was,
Ice cream, cake, pie or candy,
As long as it was chocolate,
Sandy was  fine and dandy!

Then one day the unthinkable happened,
To the chocolate loving miss,
While eating her favorite candy,
She choked on a chocolate kiss!

"Death by chocolate," the coroner concluded,
As to the cause of Sandy's death.
At least she died doing what she loved,
Eating chocolate til her last breath.

11/21/11  for Natalie the Rogue Rhymer's 
"Die a fun Death" contest

Details | Acrostic | |

Chocolate Kiss

C hocolate Candy Emmmm what a treat.
H as sweet ingredients that can't be beat.
O h what delight to put in our mouth and eat.
C hocolate a passionate lovers sweet.                              (
O nly the lonely will not eat this meat.                             (
L overs who Love chocolate will find this neat.                 ^
A ll chocolate will cause lovers to stay in heat.               &  &
T ake your time and savor this candy.                         %    %
E ach one of you knows it makes you randy.               @@@@@      

K issing with chocolate covered lips is bliss.
I n your mouth each tongue will entwine with a kiss.
S o get yourself some chocolate today.
S weet chocolate candy will help you to play!

Details | Bio | |

All about Dan

So you want to get to know me, ok, well here goes. Most of it's in my poetry, but I may have left something out, who knows? For the last twenty years, I've been wearing Nike high tops that are black. They're alot easier to clean then white ones, that is a definite fact. My friends all seem to like me, and I greet them all with a big smile. I've met alot of them through a life of partying, but now thats been over for awhile. My favorite book is the bible, because whenever I read it I learn something new. My favorite movie I couldn't really tell you, since I have seen oh, quite a few. My favorite song is from Tim McGraw, it's "Live Like You Were Dying" In a funny kind of way it refreshes my soul, and I usually end up crying. Favorite singer I don't really have one, so I guess it would have to be myself. Because I just love it when I sing all the words, and don't need anyones help. My hair is a dirty blond thats straight,short and very fine. It doesn't have a single curl, and I know it's all still mine. My favorite shampoo is Pert, it leaves my hair so silky smooth. With the fine and thining hair that I have, it's the one I prefer to use. My favorite food is pizza, but fresh baked bread is my favorite smell. If I had a food I'd eat everyday, that is the one that would put me through hell. I have everything I need,with only a few things that I dislike. The only thing I want or really need, is the love of my loving wife.
Dan Kearley:5-25-12 Contest:All About ____???

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

Pique Nique

Enchanting is the beauty of her pic
he reckons if they tried the night to guile,
she would become a pique nique exotique
anthology of verse to read worthwhile.

What Coppertone's epoque, deep tan invites
whereon his tasting buds should ever trace
poetic cuisine's discourse fourthright
his foreign language will reach touch base.

Shan't ever inspirations lead his flight
above the sweetness of her warm eyes' hue
hors d'oeuvres' delicacy and choice of sight
a connoisseur of arts should taste fondue.

© G.V., 08-21-2013

Details | Haiku | |


Must make haste
Time for "waste"

Details | Rhyme | |

Count Dracula

It was a time ov thirst, crepuscle zearchin, 
the Count in dark, becharmed her every secret zeal; 
vatever aappened to his favoroured virzzin? 
Vatever aappened to his crimson meal? 

My bite I'll hold to thine exquisite neck, 
(In Transylvania I'm vaiting, auspicious maid) , 
vas told that virzzins vaporized from earth, 
and so evil vampires will stay thirsty, I'm afraid.

My Castle, I assert, vill vait for thee, 
It is embarrassing for Counts to dine on food, 
meanvile red should be drunk like rare chablis, 
vilt thou, fair maid, succumb to my persisting mood? 

Hast thou ever heard of my night delights? 
Thou vilt dine on rare meat vile listening to tunes from the abyss, 
I'll beguile your thoughts under candle lights, 
and then (enraptured nymph), thou shalt receive my kiss.

Thou shalt be my companion to dark doom, 
Teetotal I became due to the lack of virzzins, 
it is more evident ven your perfume, 
enthralls my Dracula stimulated senses.

I'll bend on your rest, vile you'll be asleep, 
vere bats from caves have fled around the room before, 
like from a fresh rose your red I shall reap, 
and in crepuscular twilight ve, shall soar.

© 01-26-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

Blowing A Kiss To You

I just blew a kiss on a cool summer breeze Comming from Wisconsin, it's going to taste like cheese It's for a dear friend who lives quite far away So I'm hoping she will recieve it, within the next day I also hope she doesn't mind the flavor of this kiss But if she loves cheese like me, the taste will be bliss Floating through the air past all the factories of cheese The dreamy taste of this kiss, will be sure to please Though I must warn her not to eat with that blissful kiss on her lips For all food will taste delightful, which may add a little weight to her hips
8-8-12 To:Vie

Details | Limerick | |

Pumpkin Cake

There once was a girl from Arizona
Who could only fit in a kimona
She vowed to lose some weight
But loved all kinds of cake
Even drawn by pumpkin cake's aroma  

She vowed that she would be stronger
Would wear kimonos no longer
With cotton up her nose
From the table arose
Now in leggins she does saunter

Sponsor: Gwendolin R.
Contest:A Limerick In My Pocket

Details | Rhyme | |

Archie Bunker Opines Upon The Demise Of Twinkies

"Edith!  Edith!   I didn't find a Twinkie in my lunch bucket today!
What happened, Dingbat?   Why do you torture me this way?"
"But Archie, ain't you seen on TV they ain't makin' 'em anymore?
The company is foldin' up and they ain't stockin' 'em at the store!"

"I blame you fer this disaster, Meathead, you and yer pinko friends!
The greedy union reached too far killin' jobs on which people depends!
Yer democrat gov'mint stimulated my tax dollars fer ever' thing in sight!
Instead of blowin' money on green inergy, I'd like some to solve my plight!"

"But, Daddy" - poking his gut - "fast food like Twinkies isn't good for you!"
"Let me tell you somethin', little girl!  That may be yer lib'ral point of view!
My life ain't never gonna be the same agin without Twinkies fer a snack!
Them things is as American as yer mother's punkin' pie and I want 'em back!"

"I fought for the flag, baseball, Coca Cola and Twinkies in Dubya Dubya Two!
I slogged through the mud in Italy and was shot in a very fragile area too!
Now, I feel that it was all in vain to pertect all them things I hold dear!
No Twinkies for my lunch?  Stifle yerselfs!  I'm goin' to Kelsey's fer a beer!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Light Poetry | |

My Dear Nacho Cheese Doritos

My dear Nacho Cheese Doritos
I love you like an ill,
You fill me with unhealthiness,
Oh but how I crave you still.

My dear Nacho Cheese Doritos,
You are the greatest of the chips.
The corn, oil, and cheese seasonings
are like heaven on my lips.

My dear Nacho Cheese Doritos,
You are breakfast, lunch and dinner.
With every bite of triangle tortillas,
The bag, not me, gets thinner.

My dear Nacho Cheese Doritos,
no chip is to be left behind.
Oh no the bag crumbles empty,
Now I have crumbs to find.

Details | Narrative | |

The Dog and the Rabbit

The dog seen a rabbit and how he did chase
to catch that little critter and boy what a race

But one thing that rabbit knew as he ran away
he was not going to be lunch for that dog today

Around the tree and  into the bushes he went
the dog was right after that little rabbit's scent

the dog was so busy that he never did see
that big old  hornet nest  way up in the tree

running and barking and making a sound
made all the hornets start buzzing around

They all made a dive and together they flew
when they  hit the dog he knew he was through

He made up his mind right there and then
he would never go chasing that rabbit again

Details | Shape | |



Details | Verse | |

Chocolate Pleasure

Will you,Eat me; eat me,
please, like A piece,
of Reese's Pieces, 
chocolate pleasure, 
I melt in your mouth, 
I am that Kit-Kat,
who will satisfy, 
your whatchamacallit, 
to make the Skor, on
Your Nutroll,
and go nutritiously,
over my babyruth, 
for you are, that mounds,
of full almond joy..

Details | Quatrain | |

Soup Addict

I just can't believe it
I'm addicted to soup
I can't put the spoon down
I continue to scoop

So many flavours
I can't get enough
It's like there's heroin
They put in this stuff

Sure I can quit
Any time I want
But wait a minute
Look at that font

A few more minutes
Perhaps an hour or two
Good thing I kept reading
I got introduced to you

Details | Narrative | |


They organized a church bazaar,
To raise money for the poor.
A booth for selling chances
Was set up, outside the door.

When I bought the raffle ticket, 
My reasoning was murky,
And I could only just believe it,
When I won that doggone turkey.

Now, the kids were all excited
When we brought the critter home.
So we placed him in the barnyard, 
Where he'd have lots of room to roam.

Since the date was late October,
I'm quite sure you understand,
That to have him for Thanksgiving
Was my awe inspiring plan.

Well, the turkey was no birdbrain,
As I was very soon to find.
That bird knew what I was thinking;
Why, I declare, he read my mind. 

I let the children care for him,
To my most profound regret--
He turned on his charming manner,
And, quickly, he became their pet.

But that fact did not deter me,
I told myself it didn't matter.
I was dead set and determined
To see that gobbler on a platter.

When the kids perceived my purpose,
They turned on the tears and pleas.
Then, the wife joined in their chorus,
And that brought me to my knees.

So I told my grieving family
They could dry up, and relax.
I concealed my disappointment--
Went and put away the axe.

Came the dinner of Thanksgiving,
Not a sad face could be found.
And our live Thanksgiving turkey
Was the gladdest bird around. 

We gathered around the table,
And I humbly asked the blessing--
While Tom gobbled down his corn, outside,
We had hotdogs and dressing. 

Details | Rhyme | |

Those Crazy Pole Beans

This is a mostly true story!

A few years ago in central Arkansas
I planted a garden among rich fertile soil
Followed seed packet directions as though written by law
Believing better results came from sweat and toil

Tomatoes and peppers and something called pole beans
Potatoes and onions, colors of corn, I've never seen
Always ended up with mud on the knees of my jeans
Slowly through the dark earth peeked petals of green

Weeks later everything looked just as though I thought it should
And I hoped everything would taste just as good
But those pole beans kept growing like you've never seen
And started making lovely huge beans of green

I had to build a fence to hold them up
Every day they grew another foot taller before sunup
The only way I could pick them was from the top of my ladder
I tell ya', no red head from Ireland has ever been madder!

*note...I am part Irish with red tints in my insults intended....

©Donna Jones

Details | Light Poetry | |

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Tums

My wife and I went for a cruise in the Caribbean Sea,
I decided that I would talk like a pirate ‘till she got sick of me.

I told her that I was going to steal a look at her treasured chest,
Or get my hands on her booty whichever I liked the best.

And if she’d shiver me timber I told her that I would swash her buckle,
She didn’t think too much of my offer but it made me start to chuckle.

I twisted one hand into a gnarled hook and even fashioned for her a peg,
I kept it up until, “Please stop this pirate business,” she began to beg.

But it seems I had an enemy trying to thwart me on the cruise,
A buffet line or my beautiful wife, which one would I choose?

And then they fired their big guns at me from the dessert buffet table,
The carbs took the wind from my sails until my libido wasn’t able.

When you sail the sea with a fork in hand your love life will be fleein’,
Try your best not to surrender yourself to the pie plates of the Caribbean.

Details | Rhyme | |

Good Luck Meal

A good luck meal on New Years Day, consists of many things,
They say it makes a difference on what the New Year brings.
I got to thinking ,wow, what luck, for the pig that gave that chop,
that i stuffed with the dressing and put sour kraut on top.
He wasn't very lucky as anyone could see, and when I served the black eyed peas,
they were staring back at me.
As if to say, "your lucky meal was bought with a great cost.
It wasn't very lucky for the pig whose life was lost."
To myself I wondered , How can I eat this meal?
I was thinking about that piggy, I could even hear him squeel.
I bowed my head and said dear God, I know this food is blessed,
Help us to be so thankful for that pig who is at rest.
So as I passed the food along I said in words so clear,
Thank you pig for being food for my lucky year.

Details | Couplet | |

Thief in the Night

I bought all the candy for Halloween night, 
Into the cupboard, it sat in plain sight

When later I looked, I just about flipped!
I saw empty wrappings, the bags were all ripped!

The treats were all missing, back to the store
I bought several bags, at least three or four.

Now back in my kitchen, I climbed on a chair
To hide them up high on a shelf that was bare...

Behind an old crock pot that he'd never use...
But would you believe, he discovered my ruse?!!!

The big night arrived and much to my grief
The candy had been eaten by that darn sweet toothed thief!!!!

The door bell was ringing, trick-or-treaters had come
I ducked out the back door, and fast did I run!!

Right back to the store, I flew like a witch...
The clerks heard me cursing, like a grouchy old b - - - -!

The store had no candy, sold out every piece
No Big Hunks, no Snickers, no Hersheys or Reese

I bought bags of apples.... gave them out in disgrace
Every kid on the block had disgust on his face

The next Halloween, I'm not buying ahead
I'm a last minute shopper for the candy, instead..

And to all you folks, who buy treats in advance
My advice to you all, is don't take such a chance!
Something else you should learn, from this frustrating tale...,
Next time you buy candy, attach some loud bells!!

------------    P.S.... (A Moral to the story, for an evening so gory).... 

                   He was licking his chops, while he had his sweet binge
                   But goblins were watching, ........and took their revenge....
                   That Halloween scrooge...Mr. Thief in the Night
                   He chipped his back molar, as he took that last bite!!

Submitted for "Funny Spooks" contest
Sponsored by Carol Brown

Details | Rhyme | |


Mamma Anna made the best Babba' al Rhum,
you should have seen me how it made me slightly drunk;
and jumping and screaming I danced to the beats of a drum...
then grandma joined in and she sang a classical song!

And the sweet cream was on my lips and cheeks, 
the Babba' al Rhum was delicious and I topped it with chocolate;
everybody began shouting, "It came from Paris,
but we Neapolitans reinvented it by improving its shape and taste!"

Mamma Anna made the best Babba' al Rhum, soaking it in that liqueur much longer;
and Papa' always told me to eat more of it...saying with a suppressing laughter,
"It's a man's dessert, after you eat it, you'll be strong!"
Oh, did he really tell me the truth? No, he was wrong!

It's so very sad that they aren't here,
and I am eating pretzels and drink a beer,
the harmony that stirred their passion can't possibly return...
as they danced on the terrace to celebrate the day I was born!

Mamma Anna knew how to make the best Babba' al Rhum,
and I licked the dripping rum with my finger...not my tongue!
She spoke calmly...when she should have gotten mad and picked up a broom;
no, she was never mean and rude, or ever said to me, " Go to your room!"

Details | Limerick | |


Jack Daniels could grow very mellow;
They called him a jolly, good fellow.
But, strange as it seems,
The good fellow turned green,
When he fell in a tub of lime Jell-o.

Details | Crystalline | |


apples overhang the orchard wall,
sun-kissed drapes now about to fall.

hedgerows ablaze with succulent sweets
will-power melts in a crumble

inspired by Constance's contest

Details | I do not know? | |


Just a few more sips
And I'm loving the taste of you on my lips

I like the way you move in my mouth
And when you start to head down south

You are the one I love in deed 
Because Coca-Cola you're all I need.

Details | Bio | |

Big City, Big Shot Fool (Me)

A true story.

Here I was,
23 or 24...
Classed an "Executive"
NYC Dept Store Chain,
"Executive" label meant
I could work overtime
For one half of my normal salary...
But a fool sees stars
Where he should see crime

Promoted "Furniture Buyer"....
Big Ticket spot....
They seemed out to prove
Smart I was not.

Big Furniture Market,
High Point, N.C.,
Invited out to dinner,
By big shot vendor....
Oh...whoop, whoop, yea!

Of course, my stuffy boss
was there,
In the next chair
At this odd restaurant...
"The Factory" it's name,
After that night,
I was never looked at the same....

Big shot, Big City....
Big Fool....
It wasn't pretty....

The menu did start
Entrees priced more
Than my annual salary
And I'm confused
There's a boiler next to me!

So this Big City Buyer,
In his $99.00 suit
Ordered a shrimp cocktail,
Oh, what a hoot!

Lights flashing....
Like Studio 54
I had no idea
What I was in for!

Got my shrimp cocktail,
Oh, I do love my shrimp!
But the lemon wedge,
Was wrapped up
My mind now a' crimp

In this decorative yellow stuff,
All fit with a bow....
How do I open it, I wondered...
I wanted to know...

But I'm a Big Shot NYC Buyer,
Sure, I've seen it all....
How dare these dumb hicks...
Have such a gall!!

I took my fork,
I took my knike....
I started trying to open
This thing like....
It meant my very life!

I was struggling,
And sweating,
And frustrated and mad
Got some of the weirdest looks
I ever have had...

These Carolina Hicks...
Out to make a fool of me...
Slowly I realized
Everyone looking at me...

My boss's eyes swollen
In shame
How dumb his young buyer
Should be in a cornfield
And call himself "Town Crier"

Eventually I learned....
This stuff was called
Ridiculous I thought...
No cheddar or swiss
Like this had I ever bought...

In silence I remained
Through the rest of my meal....
To me the biggest embarrassment
To me the biggest deal....

Big City Hot Shot Buyer...
Dumb as a farm hand.....
Put in a Manhattan restaurant...
Without but a strand....
Of what was, what wasn't
Of how, and of why...
All I wanted to do
Is to crawl under a rock
And die!

(This is true!!!)

Details | Free verse | |

Head Chef

The special today,
is Tom's Stew,
more than enough,
for all of you.
Homemade bread,
with garlic, and chives,
real butter without calories,
dripping from the sides.
Strawberry Shortcake,
heaping with cream,
fresh from scratch,
right out of a dream.
Eat all you want,
get happy, and stuffed,
take some with you,
he insist you have enough.
Open all night,
his lights always on,
place your orders,
before it is all gone.

Details | Burlesque | |

Yodels, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Ring-Dings

it doesn't take a lot
to make some people happy
a midnight snack of goodies
with that, oh so sweet, cold milk

could be Malomars,Fig Newtons,
or those yummy chocolate covered
just a small sampling of how
sometimes these small wonders
help us deal with bigger things...

my favorite is the milk, perhaps with
a Pepperidge Farm cookie too...
oh, the Gods were so generous
when they created such as these anew,

sometimes I barely remember
the late evening goodie raid
it's the tell-tale chocolate stains
on my pillow, or sheets where I had laid
that brings it back to me
the price that now must be paid

laundry a day earlier than planned,
another diet quickly canned,
how come I can't stand
the thought of my choclate covered hand
so tonight I hope I strand...
those devilishly delicious treats grand

should I tie myself to the bed?
and let an elf get them for me instead?

all right, this sweet talk is now done
say, I wonder about that bear-claw bun......

Details | Couplet | |


Late last night I had a dream
I'd gone to heaven, or so it seem
I opened a golden door
And walked into a "goodie" store

There was lots of food on every shelf
With a big sign saying, "Help yourself"
So, I ate my fill and put some in a sack
It was a long way home, I might need a snack

I started to leave, but to my dismay
Something at the door blocked my way
It was Satan, with a smile on his face
I wasn't in heaven, it was that other place

"You must step on my scales", he said
I was thinking, "I'd rather be dead"
It was then I woke up screaming
I sure was glad I was only dreaming!!!

Details | Rhyme | |

HUMPTY-DUMPTY(spoof on a nursery rhyme)

"Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall"
Why would he want to do that?
I'm sure he didn't Want to fall,
Perhaps he was just looking for his cat.

"Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall"
The cat started looking for his master,
Meanwhile, our Humpty was trying to call,
But this only made the cat look faster.

"All the kings horses and all the kings men"
The cat stepped carefully toward his master, 
Humpty thought he was saved again,
But all it meant was a real disaster!

"Couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty together again.
The cat started to lick as it started to rain,
Humpty felt himself getting thinner and thinner,
As the cat had more and more of his dinner.

This is the story of our Humpty-the egghead,
Who fell off the wall and made a great splat,
He didn't know the fall would make him spread,
And make a great meal for his fat ole cat.

Poor ole Humpty-Dumpty !
 ENJOY everyone

Details | Limerick | |

Green Beans

There once was a lad who loved beans,
But only the ones that were green.
For breakfast, dinner and lunch,
Even for snacks and brunch,
All he wanted to eat were green beans.

He planted a garden of his own,
And green bean seeds were all that were sown.
Row upon row of beans grew,
Much more than a few,
And he picked them when they were done growin'.

Once picked he would snap them all up,
And measure them out by the cup.
He cooked some with a ham,
Turned others into jam,
Then invited his friends to come sup.

Now, his friends thought him a mite queer.
His diet of green beans caused some fear.
If green beans were all he ate,
What would be his fate?
'Cause he's starting to look green 'round the ears.

for Isaiah Zerbst's Irish contest.

Details | Sonnet | |

Tasted So Good

I ate some fried catfish and it tasted so good!
Just how good did that fried catfish taste?
It tasted so good it made a hound dog slap a bull dog.
That had to have been some mighty fine vittles.

I ate some fried chicken and it tasted so good!
Just how good did that fried chicken taste?
It tasted so good it made a wolf howl and a grizzly bear dance.
That had to have been some mighty fine vittles.

I ate some fried crawfish and it tasted so good!
Just how good did that fried crawfish taste?
It tasted so good it made an alligator turn a somersault.
That had to have been some mighty fine vittles.

I ate some fried rat and it tasted so bad!
I had to throw it all up in a brown paper bag.

Details | Light Poetry | |

I'm Thristy

Clouds burst
   Crops thirst

Details | Couplet | |

Living the Dream

My nightmare is so vividly I dream,
The dream, it feels so true to me...reality it seems.

Exhaust and smoke are all I breathe...the air is full of smog...
The job I do is thankless toil, but I work it like a dog.

There's mercury in the fish I eat...there're toxins in my food...
And drugs, they are a constant scourge...myriads for every mood.

Bipolar is my government...a house divided 'tis...
And corporations drive both the pockets of "Big Biz".

The icecaps, they are melting...the sea is rising, too.
Pandas, condors, polar bears -- empty cages at the zoo.

My money ne'er seems quite enough...I'm always out of cash...
My freedom fled when I wed my bride...(live I under the lash).

"Entertainment"? Reality TV...maybe some vampire shows...
Or idjits becoming household names for being beachfront "ho's".

People clamor "climate change" from the seats of S.U.V.'s,
And bitter news on the honey front...what's killing all the bees?

Politicians spending more...we go deeper in the red.
Opinions dressed as "news" journalism dead?

Cell phones are ubiquitous...conversation's endangered now...
And "Kardashians" are famous girls..but who knows why or how?

How strange my twisted psyche is t'make real what must be fake...
Now'f only I could find some way to get myself to wake.

Written on November 27th, 2012
By Daniel Beus (Rebel Sun)

Details | Couplet | |

Sweet Tooth

I confess I've been known to partake
Straight icing sans chocolate cake
I concede I shall never be lean
Pouring fudge without the ice cream

It's apparent my tool-shed doth grow
Baked cookies? Just gimmie the dough
It is rumored that I often spread
Peanut butter and jam (hold the bread)

From grandma I would often cajole
A sugar rush direct from the bowl
(Rejecting her kit for caboodle
Choosing filling minus the strudel)

I eat healthy! Want some examples?
Pay-Days contain protein that's ample
Orange Slices provide Vitamin C
Milky-Ways furnish Vitamin D

Cavities?...My molars are mature
Cholesterol?...I concur (THAT'S for sure)
Gotta change before damage is nigh
Take a walk? Um, later, Honey-Pie...


Details | Acrostic | |

the bear

there once was a bear
who lived in belair 
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery 
and ate the red hen 
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow 
down went the hen 
but wait..
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.

Details | Acrostic | |


Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

The Joy of Spam

One day, a convict got away, and went out on the lam.
And on the sly, he did buy, his very own kitchen cam.
Wanting to glow, in a reality show, though not a ham.
This jailbird, much preferred, to star in the Joy of Spam.

For Rhyme Battle contest

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Merry Queen of Squash

Pumpkin, merry queen of squash,
regnant on accord.
With a smooth and ribb-ed rind
clad in pepo-orange,
two strikes to sever
from the vine.

*Mary, Queen of Scots was beheaded by order of her cousin Queen Elizabeth of England in
1587.  Detailed accounts record it took two strikes of the axe to sever her head completely.  

**A pumpkin is truly the sovereign of gourd squashes. .  Ironically, the word 'gourd' is also a slang
term for 'head' giving this poem a most appropriate ending whichever way you look at it!.

***The word ribb-ed in the third line is read as two syllables.

Details | Haiku | |

Orange you Glad to be---an Orange---

     Contract Delete

Details | Light Poetry | |


To the cook: 
Thank you for the main course at our beautiful Christmas dinner ...... 
now you can rest, dessert is on the table.
And I'll do the dishes.

A-L  Andresen :)

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Best Hearts With Strawberry Jam On

                                   There are many different hearts
                                              Hearts in love
                                        A heart that is happy
                                  Hearts that jumps in your chest
                                          A heart that weeps
                                 Broken hearts, we have all heard of
                                        Hearts suffering in pain
                               Sweet and delicious chocolate hearts
                            Hearts showing us where the toilet door is
                              Hearts that are red or pink in our diary
                                    Hearts may look cute and small
                                Those I like best is the waffle hearts
                                        with strawberry jam on

                          *  *       *  * 
                        *      *   *      *
                        *       * *       *
                         *       *       *   
                           *           *
                             *       *
                               *   *
                                * *             

A-L Andresen

Details | Verse | |

- Grandpa - Say Cheeeeese -

            Moldy cheese

                      .... taste shit

            I am wondering ..... grandpa

                Do you eat this cheese in heaven

                   ..... I know you miss your teeth :)


- I remember my grandfather loved what we call "old cheese" .....
  (moldy cheese )!!
- None of the grandchildren want to sit next to grandfather or the cheese
- My grandfather loved to tease us with this cheese
- Tasted and smelled terrible !!!!!

           A-L Andresen :)
           Copyright © All Rights Reserved 


Details | Couplet | |

Sweet Carmel

The taste of homemade Carmel so sweet/ everyone I know desires the treat.

After one night in the kitchen covered/ half the pan gone, next morning discovered. 

 Is it my beagle Lily whom loves any food? / she seems in a hyper beagle mood.

 I know I heard a squeak in the night / a dream ? No, for low was the kitchen light.
 T'was my husband, for he can't resist/ soft , buttered brown sugar , a Vanilla twist.

Details | Concrete | |

In Silence Eat Chocolate Cake

Lonely and in silence I eat chocolate cake When I arise my dessert walks behind in ripple shake
Sponsor: Black Eyed Susan Contest: 1 rhyming couplet or 1 rhyming triplet

Details | Sonnet | |

Sweet pleasure

I slowly cut a corner off my prize
No cause to hurry, see I at this time
To savor, such a treat sees no despise
If one knows not this joy, that is a crime

The layers compliment this god-like cream
The smooth caress of chocolate is joy
The combination is much like a dream
My senses it so fully does employ

I do not need a house or any clothes
My mind is full of thoughts only to know
When next taste I the sweetness of my rose
But I would wait a hundred years of snow

If love is like this sweet patisserie,
I think my life consists of it and me.

Details | Rhyme | |

I Watch My Figure, Getting Bigger

Every morning is the same,
Standing staring at my frame,
Looks no different from last night,
Flab is still winning the fight,

Scales hate me, sure they lie,
I only ate a small stir-fry,
Willpower waning every day,
Diet falls into disarray,

The healthier I make my meals,
The emptier my tummy feels,
Salad and a few small snacks,
Hot chocolate to help me relax,

For every hour I ride my bike
My body goes on hunger strike,
But when I'm home and my legs ache,
I comfort eat with chocolate cake,

One week on, the scales astound,
I've finally lost another pound!
Although I'm watching what I eat,
I'm sure that that deserves a treat.

Details | Burlesque | |

Rice and Beans

I do not want to eat rice and beans any more
I want a new meal
I'm ready to throw this pot out the door
I'm sure I've  had my fill
Rice and beans is my poor folks food
You know when you barely have money
After four days it taste like it's already been chewed
But you smile and eat it like it's sweet honey
I wish I had a grilled burger smothered in cheese with fries on the side
Or a roasted turkey with cornbread stuffing and a side of apple pie
But instead I dread I have rice and beans to keep me fed
through the week
Black beans, red beans, pinto beans I will cook until my house starts to reek!
No more beans! No more rice! 
I need more money to buy something nice
One day I will have my steak and potatoes and my mac and cheese
But until then, no more rice and beans please!

Details | Limerick | |

I'm Nuts About Cheerios Honey Nuts

Cheerios Honey Nuts will grace my bowl

   Their scrumptious flavor I shall e'er extol

      No bacon and eggs for moi

         They are so humdrum and blah

            Honey Nuts set my day on cruise control

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 8 in PD's "(LIMERICK) Your Favorite Cereal Contest" - October 2011

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Prime Steak Barbequed

Barbequing on the grill
Prime steak such a thrill
Mouth watering I just spill
Waiting for this treat
Sauce smells oh so sweet
Give me meat—

Details | Narrative | |

Shake, Rattle and Roll - Big Joe Turner

Third verse:
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood sto'
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood sto'
Well I can look at you and tell you ain' no child no mo'
A few interpretations for this visually challanged and rather paranoid creature:

Still makes me hungry just don't LOOK good as it used to or
Still smells good, just ain't sure what I'm SMELLIN' no more or
Don't LOOK good as it used to, Don't SMELL good as it used to and
Definitely don't TASTE good as it used to or...

I was born that way, so what? or
Used to have two, now I only got one and
That's all you need to peep with anyways and
I think that's all you got left too so...

Let's put our eyes together on this thing and
Let's sneak over there and tom-peep that hole and
You peep on the women seafood and tell me about it and
I'll peep on the men seafood and tell you about it and...

Wait a minute here, something's not...
No, no I'm not gay! I swear I'm not!
I know by the above verse it might appear that way but
I swear to god! I swear to god I never...

Alright now, this has gone JUST ABOUT FAR ENOUGH and
You can't hardly tell them apart anyway and
The men don't even have one...they just kinda sprinkle, you know and
The rest just...How do I know? Well it somewhere and...

Oh, just kiss my big you-know-what! and
Wait!...I-I mean...if you're a FEMALE fish you can or a lady uh...
Oyster? Or girl crab or ..Hey, stop that!...Ow!
I didn't say...Ouch! Why you!...(Sigh) let's try this again, shall we?
Sorry folks...Just had to get this out of my system...Hope you think it's funny and
What?... WELL!! Kiss my-my uh...Elbow!...yeah, that's it! My elbow...
Bill Haley and the Comets became rich and famous for doing a 'sanitized' version of this song in 1954... Big Joe's original was considered too suggestive and sexual for white audiences...

Second verse for example:
'Way you wear those dresses, the sun come shinin' thru
Way you wear those dresses, the sun come shinin' thru
I can't believe my eyes all that mess belong to you'

(In 'proper' English: THE way you wear those dresses) 

Details | Limerick | |

I Love Ice Cream

Ice cream is a delicious delight,
I eat it most every night.
That's probably why,
My weight is so high,
But I won't stop eating one bite.


Details | Rhyme | |

Food Police

How I hate the Food Police 
Watching watching me
Counting out the calories
Watching what I eat

Go away so I can sneak
Tip-toe tip-toe EEK!
Where’s my hidden stash of sweets?
Confiscated treats!


Details | Prose | |

After The storm


After the storm, she received her order of pepperoni-mushroom,
(it was a special delivery by her favorite pizza-man),

well baked over coals, on an oven-surface of tiled macadam,
covered with tons of smoked fresh Mozzarella, imported from Bhutan!
The pizza-man, (who outfaced the Storm in a morello-burgundy Chevrolet),
awaited patiently outside her house, lifting weights;

inside, she was chatting with her ballet tutor, while a bouquet
of rare rose blooms he imported for her, from Bering Straits.
The flowers arrived in a silver-gold 'enveloppant',
thence, très elegant, rang her bell, dancing in front of her door,

wearing a pistachio Diesel sweat-shirt and Compagnie Canedienne pants,
performing jumping sommersolts; best part of his acrobatic galore.
She opened her mouth in awe! His daring leg's step-arabesque
was a provocation; thus, she responded with a tread-chasse,

- and then, both slid on ice dancing in a theater burlesque
that their mind created following the notes of a distant jazzy brass.
In harmony performed jump combinations, 'et sur la tiers',
with a rose in her hair, she started eating a tasteful slice of the pizza,

while he lifted her over his head, with a 'reverse',
(- fact is, right after her last 'lutz-jump' fall, she suffered amnesia).
Trying to hold her, he gallantly bumped his head on a fender,
and while listening to numerous chirping yellow birds,

decided that she was ancient Penelope and he, a contender,
who fought with bravery to conquer her heart she kept undeterred.
Dancing, they swayed behind the hill, and gliding on a vast plain,
he noticed that they were Pizza-Transferred through time,

she confessed that her granny was from Aquitaine,
thenceforth in incandescence they ice skated until Springtime.

© 02-13-2013, All Rights Reserved
(ABAB rhyming prose (!! Hmm...))

Inspired by "Mumford and Sons" song
After the Storm.. 
" There will be a time you'll see ...with no more tears , and Love will not break your Heart , but dismiss your fears . Get Over your hill and see , what you find there ,  with Grace in your heart and flowers in your hair "

Sponsor: Shanity Rain
Contest Name: new contest by Shanity Rain!! " After the storm "
Deadline: 12/26/2013

Details | Quatrain | |

The Ice Cream Lesson

Vigus and I were childhood buddies
who ventured to make some ice cream
It was to be our special creation
that would be a dish most supreme

We got some sand from the sand heap
and sifted it with a fine mesh wire
to give the dish a fine consistency
so its quality would be superior

We crumbled up some dried dirt
and pounded it with a hammer
then sifted it with the wire mesh
and made chocolate talcum powder

We mixed these ingredients in a tin
using a piece of stick as a stirrer
and blended them for quite a while
until there was a uniform texture

Vigus continued the stirring 
while I added the water
until the mix was nice and firm
and chocolate brown in colour

Now who would taste it first
we both said to each other
After thinking for a while I said
I believe I have the answer

I said let's ask Greedy Mackie
who was quite a beggar
always sponging off our snacks
in a  very shameless manner

We asked Mackie to join us 
and I got a piece of candy
Vigus stirred it in the mix
in the full view of Mackie

While Vigus stirred in the candy
We raved how sweet the dish would be
Then we asked who would taste it first
saying that person would be lucky

I suppose Mackie's thoughts 
could only focus on the candy
When we asked the question
he raised his hand and cried "ME"

We gave him a spoonful of the dish
which he put it in his mouth greedily
Vigus and I watched most intensely
to see what his reaction would be

Mackie bolted for the water tap
spitting most profusely
I guess he learned a lesson that day
that he should not be so greedy

Vigus, Mackie and I were about 7 years old


Details | Quatrain | |

Eggs, Eggs, Glorious Eggs

Eggs, eggs, glorious eggs I could eat 'em three time a day Scrambled, poached or sunny side up I love 'em any old way Eggs, eggs, glorious eggs Like a yummy egg salad sandwich Devilled eggs, I could eat by the dozen I'll even try one from an ostrich Eggs, eggs, glorious eggs Now to some, this may sound icky At times I'll add a raw one to my cereal That's probably not for the finicky Eggs, eggs, glorious eggs I'm aware of a most recent recall Detected a trace of salmonella poisoning Now that won't deter me at all Eggs, eggs, glorious eggs Just keep eating 'em, don't have a choice A day without these delightful wee treasures Is the pits, no chance to rejoice © Jack Ellison 2012

Details | Rhyme | |

Breakfast, Lunch and Supper

A cup of coffee,
And a moonpie,
A muffin fluffy
I just has to buy,

A cheezy burger,
And homemade fries,
A fizzle squirter,
Got in my eyes,

Mashed potatos,
Steak on rye, 
With tomatoe,
And ice cream pie.

Details | Limerick | |


   Oh, how I do love pickles

   Especially those long, slim icicles

   Whether Dill or Sweet Gherkin
   From its jar I am jerkin'

   Because as it goes down ~ it Tickles!

Details | Rhyme | |

Wake N' Bake

waking up and 
baking up 
we hit the sun
in a hurry 
don't you worry
just come along
and have some fun

stop all that lookin'
at what we're cookin'
like we're crooked dudes
with guns

themz' brownies 
not Maui WoW-Wee
chill out
our THC days iz' done.

Details | Epulaeryu | |


Today I splurged on a steak. Thick with the fat trimmed close Seasoned - broiler - aroma Taste buds squirt delight Juice runs down my chin Ambrosia Burp!

Details | Free verse | |

Chocolate Milkshake

A fine meal we had this evening
Somehow though it was not fufiling
My mind keeps slipping over to the Dairy Queen
Holding a frozen chocolate milkshake taste sensation

Sensual and creamy with a sweet decadence
Offered in four flavors for the exotic pallet's satisfaction
The calories hold me in pause, will power stand fast
Keys jingle hand on the door knob.....

Choco' lota ecstasy!!
Varoom varoom!!

Details | Rhyme | |


Friend to pancakes and scrambled eggs
Slices of heaven from succulent pigs
No sleepy head can stay asleep
Bacon's aroma makes taste buds weep

No cheeseburger can survive
When Bacon is piled up high
The sandwich of the gods
Bacon from the meat of hogs

Flavor savor smells so good
Eat it Eat it you know I would
Save the grease for extra flavor
Bacon is the taste I favor

Bacon bits make a salad palatable
Bacon strips make liver eatable
Bacon is the real deal
Bacon Bacon for every meal

Bacon cooked with cabbage
Without it life is savage
Bacon is a dog's favorite treat
Forget Fido let me eat

Smoked with hickory or applewood
Cured with sugars is understood
Crisp or chewy Yum Yummy Yum
Maple or peppered give me some

Baked, microwaved or fry
Without it kiss life goodbye
Bacon Bacon fills my freeza
Best part of any pizza

Bacon can never be eaten raw
Buy precooked if no time to thaw
Bacon makes a wonderful jerky
Bacon is pork never turkey.

Details | Alliteration | |

Five Funny Fairies

Five funny fairies, Fond of fairy-cakes Flying far from fairyland, Foraging for food Five fairies feasted, on flowers full of fat Freesia, Fuchsia, Fairy-fluff, frosted with fig fudge Five fat Fairies, full of fairy food Floating back to fairyland, flying far from fast
Contest : Alliteration Poems Please 2nd Place

Details | Light Poetry | |

Sunday Dinner with Mama-in-Law

I wouldn't mind sharin'
With Wilda H. Perrin
A fried chicken section
She burnt to perfection

White beans from the navy
Gummy rice with gravy
Green beans smothered down
Until they turn brown

Fussin' and complainin'
"I love you", she's sayin'
By moanin' and bitchin'
And cleaning the kitchen...

*She always forgot to check the chicken, usually setting off the smoke alarm...If 
anyone DARED to rush in and help she would retort, "Who's the cook here 
anyway? Open the damn door!"

Details | Limerick | |


Oh, vermicelli, rigatoni!
Lost on a sea of minestrone. 
The sea beneath my feet,
And nothing else to eat,                     
I live on cheese and macaroni.

Details | Rhyme | |

Supper Time

Fruit or chocolate,my favorite choice,
Chocolate with icing,fruit cake with raisin,with spice, 
Not too dry,saturated with wine,
Dinner is finished,can't wait till supper time,
For the kids,ice-cream and chocolate cake,
But a cup of coffee with fruit I will take,
Thumbs up Mamma P,this slice is great,
Keep getting better,every time you bake,
Teeth sink in,hmmmmm,savor the taste,
Hold it over a saucer,not a drop will waste,
Ants looking angry,hungry look on their face,
Sorry lads,just licked the last crumb from my plate,
Brush my teeth after some poems I read,
Yawn,good night Poetry Soup,I'm off to bed....

Details | Quatrain | |

In The Kitchen with Commas

Sweet tooth calling, kitchen beckons to me
Decisions, decisions, what should I make
Pies, cookies, pudding , all good possibilities
They sound swell, but I choose chocolate cake

Checking for ingredients, I have them all
Chocolate, eggs, baking powder, salt and flour
Mix them together as the recipe directs
Patience! patience, should be ready in an hour

For the Comma Fun contest...

Details | Free verse | |

After Dieting

After Dieting Me, finally free I’ve untied my hands And let them explore Greedily Soft and rigid Hard and pliable Textures and smoothness, Merge Grabbing a succulent treat My fingers grip The lurid wrapper Twist I shovel the chocolate devil Through parted lips Madness consume me A.D.
For Dahlink D Guzzo's contest

Details | Rhyme | |

Stay Away From The Chuck

I will no longer be trying to cook a hearty Chuck roast For it usually ends up dry,and about as dry as burnt toast I tried so many ways to cook this hunk of meat Though in the end the results,are definitely no treat That cut of meat to me doesn't seem to be the best For it never turns out,quite as good as the rest I know how to cook them,steady,slow,and low And to use a slowcooker is the best way to go If your going to make a roast,use a rump,a round,or a sirloin tip Stay away from those Chuck roasts,and it will surely be a hit I guess their is no one to blame for these mishaps you see For I was the only one cooking them,Chef Danny,that's me
Dannyboy:9-7-12 :oP

Details | Rhyme | |

A Chickens Story

Sunshine and stormy weather,
From egg,to feather,

Grains until I am matured,
Off to the boilers for sure,
Cluck,cluck,cluck no more,
Chopped or bi-sect in four,

Leg,wing and thigh,
Jerk,bar-b-que or fry,

Brown stew or curry,
Get me ready in a hurry,

Natural seasoning or powder spice,
Finger licking,I am so nice,

Rice and peas or mashed potato,
Done at home or nicely catered.......

Details | Epigram | |


Coffee's my lot,
a big pot calms
a nut like me! 

Is it the drink
that my sink hates?
Stains stick like paint!

I write and drink,
when the ink stops...
thoughts shrink and fade!

Details | Rhyme | |


If God would take the moon

And make it into a great pie,

The sweet aroma of spice

And green apple would fill the sky.

He’d begin with the careful peeling,

Making the globe shining apple-white.

Then He’d find fixins’ to get it just right.

He would count the servings needed

For the whole world to be satisfied,

And choose just the right flavoring

To set all differences of taste aside,

But with all due respect to the bakers’ pride.

To provide for all the world’s problems,

God gives his secret spiritual answers.

So to the seasoning of the apples,

He adds His nine flavor enhancers.

With perfection, God takes no chances.

There is a pinch of peace, joy, and love,

For that aroma that rises above.

Then there is the patience, gentleness and grace,

So that humankind need not eat in haste.

He wants all to sense the goodness in the taste.

Next faith, modesty and moderation He adds,

And then more love he sprinkles in scads.

Here below our appetites we whet,

Our stomach’s pits to be satisfied.

Thankful for every morsel we get,

Until convinced our Lord is glorified.

Soon one could hardly see a crumb.

But we have no need at all to fear,

For at the end of daylight’s trusty gleam,

The moon again is a shining sphere.

Details | Limerick | |

Garage Sale

1221 Boiling Weather Drive
First customer gets a free beehive
With purchase ten bones or more
Food, drinks, desserts galore
Porcelain hitchhiker needs a ride

Details | Limerick | |

Eating out

Loud speech in restaurants is crude
Why are the obnoxious so rude?
Their noise should be banned
This is not a food stand
But a place we pay for the mood

Author's note:  My wife and I went out for dinner with friends last night.  That was the inspiration for the limerick above.  However, this is also an allegory for what is wrong in today's world.  There is a critical shortage of consideration for others.

Details | Limerick | |

Now What Do You Want On Your Pizza

I ordered a large pizza pie
What do you want on it asked guy
His question a pearl
Set my mind awhirl
A sexy young girl answered I

Details | Monorhyme | |

French Fries for my Alligator

I ordered French fries for my alligator,
But he stated,
“I’ll eat them later.”

So I spoke up to the waiting waiter,
And said, “Please do me a favor.
Go and take the taters
Out of the fry-o-later.”

Then the waiter intently tried to hawk,
Soup in a crock
For the hungry croc.

But my gator didn’t like the knock
Of being called a dumb old croc.
“My pal is not a schlock,
So, no, to swill in a crock.”

The waiter whose name tag stated, Lyle,
Said without a smile,
“We only serve crocodiles.”

“Why the change, I asked Lyle?
We do not like this style.
A gator is a fine reptile;
Much better than a crocodile.”

So we stared into the waiter’s eyes,
And despised
That waiter’s guise.

That’s when my gator improvised
By catching Lyle by surprise.
He gulped him down, though oversized
Yet, much more filling than French fries

Details | Limerick | |

Pete's Sweet Death

Let me tell you about a guy Pete. If it’s true that we are what we eat, he would just have to be loved by everybody because he would be something sweet! On sweets Pete could never get full, so he’d eat all his cakes and pies whole! With each passing year his widening rear more resembled a large jelly roll. With gusto Pete daily transgressed, chowing down on desserts he liked best, never giving one thought to the things that he ought - like that thing going wrong in his chest. . . . It occurred after Pete had dug in to some pastries, his favorite sin. In his chair Pete had plopped when his heart simply stopped - But his jelly smeared mouth wore a grin!
For the "Die A 'Fun' Death Contest Poetry Contest" hosted by Natalie the Rogue Rhymer

Details | Rhyme | |

Sweet Potato

Aroma baking
Pleasure making

Peanutbutter cake
Don't want no fake

Souffle' today
Tomorrow no weigh

Cheesecake crumb
Pour me some rum

Details | Narrative | |

Corny Dog Man

I am Corny Dog Man,
the fave Super Hero in all the land.
My main mission is to hand out free
cornmeal-batter covered foot long
hot dogs skewered on a stick
to every hungry girl and boy
in the whole wide blessed world.
My sidekick Honey Mustard Girl
is always right by my side
with the sweet tasty dip
for more added enjoyment
for all of my myriad of kiddie fans.
Never fear kiddos, I’ll be there to
make sure one and all will receive at
least one yummy to the tummy meal
before I fly back to Junk Food Paradise to
refill my Biggie Boy Backpack with many more
foot long corny dogs for your eating pleasure.

Details | Free verse | |


In late October the reddest moon didn't change its phase,
it remained in the same spot to watch the witches' ballet;
the loud music matched the mood of the mystical night: tambourines
and flutes frantically played; sneers, jeers, giggles of the ugliest witches
mixed with the goblins' roars while they danced around a huge, hot fire.

I smelled a foul odor, the wild dogs feasted on a bloody oar,
" Leave some for us, or we'll turn you into bats! "
the hunched witch snarled with menacing eyes,
but they roared and threatened her with sharp teeth,
then Olga began to speak Latin words to cast  
a spell on them and before it worked, they fled.

Glad that they had left, she dragged the dead animal
and hung it on a long rod to roast on the sparking fire;
hungry witches continued to dance with forks and knives 
in their hands, anxiously waiting for their Halloween treat.  

Written by Andrew Crisci
for Russel Sivey's contest,
" The Ultimate Halloween Contest "
10/5/ 2012

Details | Limerick | |

Maniac Jack

Fatty Jack
Is a maniac.
He ate a turd
From a sick bird.
That’s a sad fact.

Details | Limerick | |

Fly in the Pie

Fly in the Pie
Dr. James E. Martin
©May, 2013

He bit into his hot pie
And discovered half of a fly.
He tried to be brave,
And his reputation save,
But all he could do was cry.

Details | Rhyme | |

Cheeseburger please

i ate the nuts
to keep small butts

and drank the tea
which made me p--

devoured the grains
to keep small veins

avoided the tarts
"be still my heart"

now thin and trim
down on my knees

could i please get
a cheeseburger please...

Poems by Shar

Details | Rhyme | |

The Grape Pain

Today I am a grape Hanging on a vine Perhaps to be plucked one day Ending up in someones wine Maybe I'll be bitter One of the worst ones you could eat Or possibly be the most tastey ones The sweetist of the sweet I hang with a bunch of others That I see all through the day Longing to be anywhere But there seems to be no way Seeing alot of other beauties Farther down the line Hoping they will notice me When I'm plump and in my prime though now the nights are getting colder Others have begun to all fall down Bunches of dying grapes Laying everywhere on the ground Unable to handle this madness I'm letting go of this vine tonite So I won't have to wake to this sadness That I must see through each days light
Dan Kearley:9-21-11

Details | Limerick | |

Kashi Strawberry Field


                                     There once was a great cereal Kashi
                                        Enjoyable for it is not squashy
                                      It's so much better than just bran
                                    That looks and taste like plain ol' tan
                                   Much more delightful than simple dashi

Sponsor: Poet Destroyer~A
Contest:(Limerick)Your Favorite Cereal
Click on
"About This Poem"

Details | Rhyme | |

Roast Dinner Sin

The smell is good
Just look at the pud
Gammon, Turkey and Beef
Life’s turned over a new leaf
A few balls of stuffing
They aint made of nuffing
Many calories they carry
It’s the sausages I want to marry
Grease torpedoes and crispy potatoes
We know where all that goes
Straight to the hips
For some taste bud kicks
Oh well
Diet go to hell.

Details | Etheree | |

Four Alarm Cook - Etheree

day I 
thought I would
boil some eggs so
I put them on the
stove on high heat, being
the impatient lass I am.
I got distracted in the yard.
The eggs blew up and the pan almost
melted. That’s why my husband is the cook!

For Susan Burch's Contest "Ridiculous Self Exaggerations"

Details | Free verse | |

all my life I ate bad things

all my life 
I ate 
bad things

I have made a resolution 
never to put bad things 
in my mouth again

each day
I now find myself 
having to redefine

what is
bad thing

Details | Rhyme | |

My New Diet

I started a new diet that promised it would be.
The diet of all diets and it would set me free.
They said I’d lose a lot of weight in just a month or two.
And I would get so thin and svelte as if I was brand new.

They said I’d have to give up foods that I eat every day.
They said it was unfortunate, there was no other way.
And so they started to remove most of my favorite foods.
The ones that always put me in those very happy moods.

The first thing that would have to go was everything deep fried.
Not wanting to show weakness, they never knew I cried.
And then they said I’d have to give up butter on my bread.
That was the moment I broke down, a sea of tears were shed.

They said no cakes or muffins, good-bye to chocolate chips.
They said it was the only way to keep them off my hips.
Of course they said no ice-cream, now that was no surprise.
And no more cherry, pumpkin or luscious chocolate pies.

No gravy and no stuffing, not even one small bite.
They said I could have turkey as long as it was white.
No bacon in the morning, no pizza for my lunch.
No pancakes and no waffles with syrup for my brunch.

I had to give up donuts with toppings of all types. 
Linzer tarts and cookies with those lovely lemon stripes.
Gone were the potato chips and all the lovely dips.
No more was I allowed to taste sweet candies on my lips.

Now I drink black coffee for breakfast every day.
Shredded wheat for breakfast, the one that tastes like hay.
At lunchtime a small salad and different types of fruits. 
For dinner time a chicken breast with rice and bamboo shoots.

Then nightly I drink herbal tea to soothe my hungry nerves.
But when I go to sleep at night I dream about hors d’oeuvres.

Details | Sonnet | |

The Masticator

Some folks like food that’s smooth to touch their lips; which does not come in chunks or crunchy sticks. They take their tea in leisurely small sips or eat ice cream with lots of tiny licks. I rarely ask for smoothies or for yogurt, for puddings or for bland and jiggling jello. I much prefer the entrees to dessert and something hearty over something mellow. To salty, crunchy foods I gravitate: popcorn and potato chips and nachos, and on my plate some food to masticate: pasta, pizza, burgers, fries or tacos. A large hot soup can soothe my appetite if served with lots of crackers I can BITE! For the Teenager Entertainment Poetry Contest

Details | Senryu | |

Missed It

sun up at my feet
fresh bread, bacon sizzling scent
I guess not awake

Details | Free verse | |

Consumer Complaint

Stop resenting me
For the way I shop
The things I do 
To make sure 
My  food is fresh

I confess I feel blueberries
In my fingers
To make sure they are firm
Not too ripe

I confess I shake 
Cans of spaghetti and ravioli
So that I know 
The sauce is not 

I confess I pull  frozen waffles
From the back of the freezer
Less likely that they thawed
And refroze into 
Oddball shapes

I confess I smell trout
Before I buy it
Placing it against my nose
In the most unabashed 

Spare me your hate 
About my consumer habits
When I know it has nothing to do with

As long as I bring you warm release
In the darkness of your desires
Pull your tangled hair the way 
You like 
Bite your darting tongue 
In mad hunger 
Deep appetite

As long as I reawaken the 
Primal animal hidden 
Turn your heat into a river
For a long passionate

As long as I attend quickly to your
Every lusty command
The craving of your nympho

Then  I can squeeze french bread
In quiet and peace
I can sniff cantaloupes
Without suffering ire 
Or grief

I’ll take you tonight 
In that filthy way 
You like

Until then

Leave me alone 

I’m shopping.

Details | Rhyme | |

Beef Stew

I sit at my computer musing and trying to compose meaningful verse.
Try as I might with Shakespearian panache my lines to intersperse,
With profound nuggets of enlightenment to attain universal fame,
My concentration is lost in a fog, like an ever-changing movie frame!

I suppose I could blame this dilemma on my dear, long-suffering spouse.
She's cooking beef stew for supper - the aroma is wafting about the house!
Now, how am I to concentrate on versifying when my palate is just itchin',
To delve into that delectable ambrosia she's slaving over in the kitchen!

Ah! I can hardly wait to taste that mouth-watering olio awaiting me!
She makes the best in town, tossing all kinds of stuff in that potpourri!
Of course there is the best of beef that she has tenderized and diced,
And the scrumptious gravy with exotic herbs she has liberally spiced!

She adds sweet peas, a tolerable amount of corn and russet pertaters,
And just enough onions for my taste, green peppers and fresh termaters!
Green beans, carrots and a tad of celery top off this fantastic brew!
Le Cordon Bleu Chef at the Ritz dare not concoct a more elegant stew!

Alas, I've wasted all afternoon trying to hatch up some credible rhyme,
But my thoughts have been consumed with that ragout laced with thyme!
Ah! My wife announces supper is ready so I'm gonna load my plate!
That poetic masterpiece I had in mind today will just have to wait!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

Hidden Recipes

I live my life with a woman who likes to collect recipes That all sound very delicious as she reads them to me Some are to be once seen,but then never to be made So I feel they should remain on the pages they once stayed Some are collected then placed neatly in a book Others are thrown into a drawer maybe for a future look But that future day never comes when they will be made Though in that big drawer and cabniet is where they all stay She has collected many magazines and printed out many from on line It would sure be nice to taste some of them she has collected over time As they were placed in that cabinet and drawer only never to be made Most of them hidden from my taste buds where those recipes have stayed

Details | Limerick | |

The Sound of the Fiber

Although they called me a Flake with some Trix

I say " Cheerio(s) !" -  with my puckered lips

Grabbed my golden spoon

Jumped in a balloon

Kellogg's and I fly  to eat some Mueslix...

for Poet Destroyer's Contest "Your Favorite Cereal"

Details | Couplet | |

Fries And Burgers

Feeling kinda cruddy, yup, that's the word Too many fries, too many burgs When will I learn I can't handle that stuff Stomach rebels, starts causing a fuss Once could eat nails and all kinds of gunk Now I eat mush and ground up junk My teeth are all gone, can't chew anymore Things go down whole, my tummy gets sore So such is the life of this senior type dude Head for the washroom, each time I eat food Food disappears like famous greased lightning Or I sit there for hours, really quite frightening Irregularity's my name, I'm Irreg for short Hope an operation, I don't have to resort An artificial esophagus transplanted in me So I can go regular like it once used to be Oh for the days when I could eat all that junk Those days are gone, who woulda thunk That one day I'd be eating my morning cereal Laced with Metamucil or some such material! © Jack Ellison 2012

Details | Sedoka | |

Rutabaga For Lunch

Rutabaga cooks On range emitting strong scent After chopped by sharp hachet Done rutabaga Served on plate with slotted spoon They enjoyed _not very much!
Sponsor: Russell Sivey Contest: Sedoka Me Any Subject Written by: Sara Kendrick

Details | Limerick | |

No Farting Allowed

There was a man named Fred Who liked eating baked beans in bed One day when he farted He and his wife parted 'Well it's quicker than divorce' Said Fred.

Details | Lyric | |

12 days Of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas 
My true love sent to me
Twelve extra pounds
Eleven lots of will power
Ten ways to cook tofu
Nine work out cd’s
Eight health warnings
Seven ryvita biscuits
Six types of muesli
My five a day
Four calorie counters
Three sets of scales
Two low fat yoghurts
And one new diet for me

Owen Yeates

Details | Rhyme | |

Oodles of Joy

"Oodles of Joy"
In the morning of everyday i 
I make a food that's really 
Crunch'em, rip'em, and pour'em out 
As saliva pools form in my 
Put it in the mic for just about 
Impatiently  watching those 
beautiful noodles waiting for 
When the time Is up
I Pop it open and take them out 
And start shoving "Oodle's of 
Noodles" into my mouth. 
Khalil Wali

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Frog Say

What does the frog say?
“I eat bugs. You eat my legs.
You must be crazy!”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Turd Say

What does the turd say?
“I once was delicious food.
Now I’m stinking crap.”

Details | Haiku | |

Naughty Pudding

Order by offer
Ingredients do matter
Stuck in first trouble

Boiling some flavors
Pudding missed in sweet manner
Moulding successfully failed

Yet we feel give up
Deserve for a second chance
Re-mould done! Relieved...

Sit tight in a fridge
Naughty pudding had a plan
Mission to seduce

Tempted by its look
My husband eat for a slice
Mother-in-law scold

Naughty pudding finally win in its mission, well, one pudding unsold :p

Details | Limerick | |

Sounded Good At The Time

In the New Year I resolved to lose weight 
I thought I'd start by using a small plate
But with a big sigh
I piled it up high
Dang, once more the idea not so great...

For the New Years Resolution contest.

Details | Narrative | |

I Accepted the Potato Salad Because You Were Serving It

Yes, the time had allowed another opportunity to be near you,
Though well heaven knows whenever you are near my fear crunches my breath,
Leaving me starving for you, and wanting nothing more than to flee…

I stood in line, mainly because my family was there…
God knows I was not hungry at all…
Which is odd—I’m usually always hungry when I come to food gatherings
But there I was, my stomach swirling, and I looked out of the window,
And I saw you with the others, serving the food

My first thought was, great, here’s an opportunity,
And then the fear came—oh boy, what are you serving?
Are you serving something I like? 
Something I hate? 
So I closed my eyes and opened them again…
And I looked at what you were serving…
It was either macaroni salad, or potato salad; wasn’t quite sure at the time
I was more intrigued by how you presented yourself,
So friendly…so easy-going….so very natural and engaging

Damnit! The line is moving fast! 

I cringed at the thought of approaching you,
Even when I was following all the others;
And I knew you couldn’t be left insinuating-
Oh, that girl’s kinda weird and creepy…
I guess you’d only think that if I went to the table for the third time or something- 
But still, I was shaking with stupid thoughts

There was a problem though…
I do like macaroni salad… well, a little bit--I've never loved it
And I’m rather sick of potato salad frankly…
So if I refused the food, would you think it’s just another way to avoid contact?
Or will I give eye contact and smile at you, and say “no thank you”?
As I got closer, it was apparent it was potato salad…
And I begin to think
Well! Potato salad…it’s not that bad…let’s play it safe, shall we? Let’s get a little bit.

And before I knew it, I was where all the food was
You were talking speedily, happily with the others
About just everything it seemed… my ears heard blurs at this point
A lady offered me salad – I accepted the bowl and slowly put dressing on and looked up
And you smiled at me and said,
“Best potato salad in the world, right here.”
And I can’t remember if I smiled, 
But I most certainly lifted that stupid plate…
The lady next to you said, 
“and there’s another kind right beside it!”
I said quickly, “I think I’ll pass…” 
What she didn’t know was that I was trying to get the hell away before I vomited on everything and everyone...

I wasn’t hungry at all…
But one thing was certain…

I accepted the potato salad because you were serving it! 
And I ate it too… 
It wasn’t bad…in fact I could say pretty easily,
It was the best potato salad in the world

Right here….

You were… were….. right there.

Details | Lyric | |

If History Was Food Part 2

If history was food part 2

Details | Light Poetry | |

Chocolate Mousse Cake

I can die happy, with a great big grin
Knowing that I’m going to submit to this sin
It’s salacious, it’s scandalous - I’m in a tailspin 
Chocolate Mousse Cake 
Give it up, give in - Dig in!

Each delectable forkful
An endorphin rush
Serotonin gush
My heart races, my cheeks flush
A decadent delectation
A sweeter than sweet sensation 
I succumb to the temptation 

A morsel of mousse
So silky, so dreamy
Rich, moist cake
So milky, so creamy 
Dark and mysterious
I’m giddy - delirious 
My oh so perfect lover 
This relationship is serious

I fall into your sensual embrace
And lick the plate clean, there is no trace

My mantra is “Mmmmmm”
So I freely partake
Never get enough
Of this divine stuff
My slice of heaven 
Chocolate Mousse Cake

For Linda-Marie's "Dreamy Dessert" Contest

Details | Light Poetry | |

A poem about apples with a title longer than the poem itself

Fruit for thought!

Details | Limerick | |

A Handful of Wheat

To sing a song charming and sweet what I need is handful of wheat, guess who am I love that blue sky not in the Twitter still can tweet! ========================== Placement:9th; (October 2011) Contest:Cereal Limerick Sponsor:Irma Linda

Details | Limerick | |

A day in the near future

What dark force wears the devil’s mark (666) 
And bites those thrown off “Noah’s Ark”?
Dragging sweets through the mud
While chomping for blood...
A bully is like a white shark*

*Only white sharks have better table manners, and so in the tradition of Emily Post—the innocent eventually rise up and seek justice—and use knives (and forks and spoons)! 

This poem was inspired by Laura Breidenthal's recent poem entitled "666".

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Liver n' Onions

Take a pound of beef liver

   Shake it in flour

      Chop up one fair sized onion

         Fry in hot skillet

            Turn head and hold nose

                Feed to dog


Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm A Meat And Taters Guy

I can tolerate most any grub that is placed upon my plate,
Though I must be somewhat selective so as to control my weight!
I love a juicy New Yawk steak and taters with a slab of cherry pie,
'Cause I'm strictly a meat and taters sort of guy!

There ain't nothin' as tasty as a meatloaf with smashed pertaters,
With lots of gravy, new spring peas and fresh beefsteak termaters!
But spare me pickled pigs' feet or a feesh starin' me in the eye,
'Cause I'm strictly a meat and taters sort of guy!

I savor various kinds of soups and a good homemade stew,
And Beringer's White Zin wine with a delectable cordon bleu!
Sushi causes me to barf and pungent kimchi tears my eye!
I reckon by now you've guessed I'm a meat and taters sort of guy!

I relish the products hogs produce like sausage, bacon and ham,
And I don't care what others say, I'm an aficionado of good ol' Spam!
But Lord have mercy! Spare the anchovies, 'specially on a pizza pie,
'Cause I'm strictly a meat and taters sort of guy!

In these politically correct times, some folks might rashly conclude,
That since I detest certain grubs that I'm a prejudiced dude.
Well, that's their problem if we don't exactly see eye to eye.
It just so happens that I was born a meat and taters sort of guy!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

Ode to a Green Hat

The green cuisine will make you lean.
Like Jeanne, Christine, or age eighteen.
Sardines, soybeans, along with greens
Will help you fit in smaller jeans.
The diet scene, you've seen umpteen!
You've worked out on the green machine.
Being lean they say is supreme.
Like if you are a strong marine.
Or when he rubs on your sunscreen.
But if you're fat and seem obscene,
Be sure to wear a hat that's green.
The color green is so serene.
And sparkles in the sunlight's sheen.
Eat: kale, spinach and collard greens
Or buy a great big hat thats green!

© March 1, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  The Colors Have It 
Sponsor	Russell Sivey

Details | Burlesque | |

Suburban Spring

Suburban Spring	

	Springtime fills the air, 
			like laughing gas.
		(Or maybe more like whiskey.)
The suburbs are drunk on the nectar of it's dawn.
	Middle-class houses 
			are starting to dance.
		(Or maybe they're just wobbling.)
They vomit whole families onto their lawn.

			I watch them the same way dogs watch TV:
				Confused and intrigued, 
		with a slight urge to pee.

	The father cuts grass, 
			like a sleepwalker.
		(Or maybe more like a zombie -
Ravenous for cheap beer, instead of brains.)
	A six pack later, 
			he starts washing his car.
		(Or watering his driveway.)
He's spreading on wax so he's set when it rains.

	The mother kneels in dirt, 
			tending the garden.
		(More like digging in a sandbox.)
Her spade is rusty.  (Figuratively, at least.)
	A sunset later, 
			she cooks family dinner.
		(Or maybe orders some pizza.)
(If every mouth is fed, she can call it a feast.)

			I watch them the same way dogs watch TV.

	The son plays war games, 
			dying for fun.
		(Or maybe more for practice.)
He whines about fruit drinks, as well as the heat.
	A full pitcher later, 
			tweaking on sugar,
		(Or maybe just corn starch.)
the war escalates, 'til its time to go eat.

	The daughter makes a picnic, 
			inviting her toys.
		(Or maybe not.)
(Her plastic spread can only spread so thin!)
	After the tea time, 
			she's off picking flowers.
		(Or maybe weeds.)
(As long as they're pretty, there's a vase that they'll fit in.)

		They gather, as a family, at the table to say grace.
		They hold each others' hands and say, "Amen."  
			(And proceed to stuff their face.)

	The dog sits by the boy - 
			Loyal and true.
		(Or maybe just hungry.)
He drools as he stares from the corners of his eyes.
	After dinner, 
                     he offers to help with the dishes.
		(Or maybe he demands it.)
The boy sneaks him a bite.  The dog is not surprised.

	Bedtime comes soon after.  
			The kids are sent to brush their teeth.
		(Or maybe just to run the sink.)
They put on their jammies, and to bed, they go.
	After tucking them in, 
			the parents watch TV.
		(Or maybe they just dream they do, 
					sleeping in its glow.)

	The dog is changing channels, 
			looking for a better show.
				Confused and intrigued, 
		he pees on the carpet below.

Details | Limerick | |

My Favourite Dish

Currently my favourite dish
is not mutton,chicken or fish
a soup of poetry
it's delicious, cost free
and I'm tasting  it with great relish.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Object of My Desire

The more time spent with her,
The more that I thirst.
Her fragrance spells my doom,
Once pretense has been burst.

She's the salt of my earth
Her taste makes my heart run
Her kiss forbidden fruit,
I can't have just one.

She moves with crepetation
Yet her sound is still sweet
She's a visual beauty
She looks good enough to eat.

I savor each curve and ripple
With a touch of my lips.
She's not just all that,
She's an actual bag of chips!

Details | Limerick | |

Let Me Be Frank

I bailed my honest friend out of the tank
Who dressed up as a hotdog for a prank
It’s not a misdemeanor
To dress up as a wiener
I see no harm in trying to be frank

Details | Limerick | |

Slick Limerick

There once was a poet named Sara
Who did Tommy a great favor
She cooked him some good lunch
He ate a great big bunch
Now food he no longer savors

In honor of Destroyer A Poet~
Contest: "Write a limerick using your poetry soup name."

Details | Lyric | |

It's My Birthday, It is Your Birthday

It’s My Birthday

It’s my birthday…  I look out the window there is no one for me owe so, owe so lonely poor me . 

It’s my  birthday…  you surprise me, with a Barber-Q grill  with a cooler that chills with a grin we show white grills.

Happy Birthday… it’s my Birthday I am still waiting,  it   is almost the end of my the day, just waiting on you to wish me a happy birthday which, well make my day. 

It’s my birthday…you do not remember that day, can we go out for we can remember that day?

It’s my birthday… I can share it or alone, some share it with a twin, or with a friend and the ones who stay to the ends like a good friend.

It my birthday…  its looks like another day to me I just need someone or something to comfort with me a room full of women and with hand full men, a juice in cup, juice in glass, with a sweet lady and grill on cut grass that may make every day feel like my birthday, with a touch of class. 
It’s your birthday… it’s your birthday you should all-ways win on your birthday, if do not have a mate you sneak and go on second party date form those who may player hate.  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!  it comes and go, I see you come through, looking out my window with a hand full company that is what a party really should need, yes it’s sweet, sweet with music and sweet with treats or  it must be the money, or food, or brinks, or just me.

Poetry 7/7/12 by author Keith Kadell

Details | Couplet | |

Doggie View of a Territorial Miniature Eskimo

Hi, my name is Ollyver, and here’s my doggie view: You could call me simply “Boo” and I’d still come to you! I’m fluffy white, the mini version of an Eskimo. My human lady makes me go out back and then yells, “GO!” Sometimes she says more than that. She adds the small word, “pee.” “Ollyver, go pee,” she cries. “Just pee. Go pee for me!” Often times I’ll run about or try to dig a hole. Apparently my digging in the yard is not her goal! She calls me back and if I do not come, she chases me. Her voice bears a question and again, that dang word PEE. Inside the house, I sit near her - unless I hear strange noise, and often at the window, I’ll look out and see some boys. I start to yap. I HAVE to yap! I yap, yap, yap, yap, YAP. And when they leave, I run with glee back to my lady’s lap. I love to feel her scratch my ears and smooth my pretty fur. If someone comes too near the house, I’ll yap, protecting her. She doesn’t often give me yummy food right off her plate, but sometimes she might give me some, so anxiously I wait. I make my eyes get big and sad and whimper like a child. I can’t go too far overboard or else she will get riled! If food remains upon her plate, she scrapes it in my bowl. That’s even better than when I go out and dig a hole! There’s one thing I can’t figure out. She saw me tinkle once nearby a wall, then yelled about me pulling stupid stunts. She and her man get crazy when I do that, so I try to only tinkle in the house when it is on the sly! She takes me out to that back yard quite an awful lot. Sometimes I’ll tinkle and I always poo poo like I ought. More kids outside the window! Must I always have to beg for them to leave? I yap, and near the wall I lift my leg. Written June 24, 2012 For Tanya Harrington's "Dog Gone Tales" Poetry Contest

Details | Haiku | |

When in Napoli

Napoli frozen
Oh, al lampone sweetness!
Three divine colors

A taste of Roman
Desert of the Godly sons
This box is for me...

for Poet Destroyer's Contest: "Neapolitan Ice Cream"

Details | Light Poetry | |


My grandma's strawberry jelly i love to eat it and fill my belly. It's so sweet it will make you pucker o ya it is better then smucker's. She stayed up all day and night to make it just right so i could have some when i go to stay with her tomorrow night.

Details | Free verse | |

sea salt shaker

when my body is done
put me in an oven 
and bury my ashes in a 
sea salt shaker

scatter me sparingly
as you would 
a fine condiment
in a recipe
into your daily life
during its preparation 
so that 
we may add the flavor
and the texture 
of the past

when it is all gone
can refill 
the sea salt shaker

Details | Narrative | |

How to Burn a Field

(Good Advice Spurned)

Grandmother packed a picnic lunch.
Brother, sister, and I, with two uncles
traipsed into the woods,
in search of adventure.

We found it.
We ate our picnic lunch, sitting 
on a fallen tree, spanning the creek.

We sampled “Rabbit Ice,” formed 
on weeds, hugging the stems
in smooth, thin white curls.
We drank creek water in cupped hands,
so cold, we shivered.

“Let’s build a fire,” my brother said.
Uncle Larry cautioned, “You’d better not. 
You’ll set the field on fire.”
We built the fire,
warmed our cold hands.

As the circle of fire began to spread,
we beat it with branches,
water carried from the creek in our hats. 
Undaunted, the fire ate up the dry grass,
spreading like a pond ripple
from a rock thrown in.

Uncle Larry refused to join
our efforts to ‘beat out’ the fire.
He stood, callously laughing
at our futile efforts.
The entire field burned.

We worried all afternoon.
What would Granddad say,
when he saw the black field
from the kitchen window?

Details | Limerick | |

a little 'white' lie, wink wink

With my white pumpkin I’m going to bake 
A pumpkin pie and say it’s cheesecake
It’s “vanilla bean”
Since it’s white like cheese -
If only they’ll take the bait plate!

Unsuspecting the pumpkin inside -
I tap tap my foot, just take a bite!
With “cake” in their mouths
Their taste buds abound!
Eyebrows rising in shocked surprise! 

Received 4th place in "What No Orange Pumpkin" contest

Details | Diminished Hexaverse | |

Can't Live Without

How I desire you
To hold you in hands
Gaze on your beauty
Freshness of your scent
What's that extra touch

Some say my love
Is way too shallow
I say that it's deep
Attached I cling

Deep, deep, deep

Can't live 


For contest: "I Just Can't Live Without You"
Sponsored by: Drake Eszes

Details | Haiku | |

Tater Tots

Yum! Yum! Tater Tots!
Smush them real good in ketchup!
Love those Tater Tots!

Details | Haiku | |

Harvest Festival

aerial viewing
outstretched crows flying frenzy
harvest festival

Details | Rhyme | |

Mom's Old Iron Skillet

The skillet hung near the old wood-burning kitchen stove.
Aside from her family, Mom considered it a special trove.
With that blackened old pan she prepared delicious repasts,
That in my judicious opinion will ne'er be surpassed!

Ah, just to recall the tasty grub stewed up in that old skillet!
How it tingled my taste buds just sliding down my gullet!
The chicken, steaks and chops in that old pan she did fry,
Evoked oohs and aahs and many a contented sigh!

She liberally dolloped lard in the pan 'til she had it just right,
Then concocted stews, soups and fried taters for our delight!
Mom was never concerned about such things as saturated fat,
Or life-threatening cholesterol and such things as that!

I suppose medicos today would have a conniption fit,
If they knew of the dietary sins my Mom did commit.
She must've done something right - her spouse lived past ninety-four.
Her kids outlived the odds, each reaching four score years or more!

Self-anointed wizards deem cast iron skillets detrimental to our health,
But I think they're just peddling new fads to add to their wealth!
My dear spouse uses her old iron skillet most every day.
I feel fit as a banjo regardless of what so-called experts may say!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Limerick | |

Who Knew-Peru

There once was a flawed broad named Maude
who wished to spend Christmas abroad
she ate Christmas dinner
with penniless sinners
for that was all Maude could afford.

Well ole Maude brought them black tea from China
and chocolate cakes from a diner
they ate guinea pig
and many a fig
while Maude poured them wine from Carolina.

Yes you've guessed it, I see that you knew
in Peru they eat Guinea Pigs in stew 
they wear colorful hats
and watch out for black bats
Maude's dinner will be in Cusco, Peru


Details | Rhyme | |

Cottage Cheese

Cottage cheese is a delightful treat when anyone is sombre! Take a bite, in spite of spite, And you'll be quite the charmer!!! (explodes into gay rainbow random confetti) *inspired by obscenely old, gay bearded wizards*

Details | Couplet | |

Dr Suess, Ten Pounds On The Bottom

Inspired by- Ten Apples Up On top

Ten pounds, ten pounds, on my bottom!
Good grief, good grief!, How fast I got'em!
I must, I must! Lose this  weight!
Or soon obesity will be my fate!
One pound, one pound! I'll start real slow..
One pound gone, nine more to go!
Two pounds, Two pounds! I'm on a roll!
To look like Twiggy is my goal!
Three pounds, Three pounds!  Not so bad!
But oh those doughnuts make me sad!
Four pounds, four pounds! I can do it!
This pound was tough, I almost blew it!
Five pounds, five pounds, half way there!
No more elevators, take the stair!
Six pounds, six pounds! Its going slow!
No more cookies? Another terrible blow!
Seven pounds, And then big number eight!
Beginning  to think cucumbers are just great!
Nine pounds , nine pounds ! Took forever!
Not going through this again, Never, Never!
Ten pounds lost at last! But not fair, not fair!
Why doI still look like a giant pear!

Details | Couplet | |

Apple pie

Apple pie is so divine,
I eat it all then feel like swine.

Details | Ballad | |

Ham versus Hog

Let me tell you a story
From a time gone by
The tale of a greedy butcher
And a pig that could fly

In the little village of Piddle Brook
There lived a butcher named Mr.Ham
He was bearded, bulky, and a belcher
And was rumored to eat his own toe jam

A lover of all meat
Pork,beef,duck,chicken, and mutton
All this gorger did was eat
He was a professional glutton

But Mr.Ham’s appetite was not satisfied 
He longed for some thick greasy bacon
Just a few strips, nicely fried
Served with pickled daikon

He peeked through his window 
And with one beady eye 
Spotted his neighbors hog
And pictured a flaky pork pie

His mouth watered
"What a delicious midnight snack!"
"I will barbecue,braise and fry her"
"But first I will launch my attack"

"Oh but I shan’t become a thief!"
"T’was only a whim!"
But Mr.Ham’s thin scruples vanished
His growling belly got the better of him

He grabbed a pitchfork
And the hefty hooligan set out
He advanced on the sleeping hog
And grabbed her by the snout

Her piggy eyes shot open
And in a flash
She darted past the butcher
And ran past the fence in a dash

Mr.Ham bellowed in rage
And waddled after the beast
But the pig was too quick
Yet Mr.Ham never ceased

And so the chase continued
A wild game of cat and mouse
They ran through the streets
Row upon row,house after house

Finally the swine was cornered
The escaped pig let out a squeal
And great feathery wings sprouted from her back
Said the pig “Thou shalt not steal” 

And with one final snort
Two leaps and a hop
The winged sow flew away
And Mr. Ham collapsed with a plop

"I suppose it was a sign from above"
Mr.Ham sighed with defeat
From then on the rotund carnivore
Gave up on eating meat

Details | Rhyme | |

Sshh! Chef's Busy in the Kitchen Making His Seafood Bisque.

Chef 's Winter dishes are simply delicious, not too much oil or cream.

Rich or plain,  taste tested to perfection, tiny portions sometimes steamed

He starts  the day with freshly squeezed orange juice,coffee and toast.

And embarks on a fitness journey along the seaside in Adelaide.

Today he is going to create a seafood bisque inspired by his walk.

This morning whilst  walking along the beach he noticed the outgoing

Tide and outlet  left a long groove with  definite honeycombe indentations

snaking parallel to the shore for a distance near a giant swirly starfish.

From an aerial perspective it looked  like a Christo dragon , hardened ripples

representing the scales and the sometimes swirling patterns here and there

where the giant Sea-dragon moved, slithered or shifted about in the sand .

The Sea-Dragon must have laid there for some time before he disappeared 

as his scales were deeply impressed and clearly embossed in the firm sand. 

A clear body of water flowed  in the center of this outlet echoing the scales

shimmering and gleaming with sunlight smoothly on the groove's surface.
Upon seeing this ,Chef etched it  in his memory and began to mentally gather 

ingredients for his creation.How could he give his bisque the dragon flavour?

Grilling the whiting, prawns and scallops  with butter  laced with honey , chilli,
cardamon + crushed nuts , garlic, a dash of brandy....... 
then adding chicken stock , lime , thyme ,cracked pepper , rock sea salt and 
finally pureeing the lot with a splash of coconut milk.

Details | Rhyme | |

Mum's Christmas Dinner

She stays awake for hours, cutting Xs in the sprouts,
Then peels all the tatties, a ton or thereabouts,
Slicing and dicing parsnips is next up in the plan,
Chops up carrots and a swede, and put them in a pan,
Mixes up her sage and onion and stuffs it in the bird,
Along with some pork sausage meat that’s been pre-prepared,
She takes apart the oven, to fit the turkey in,
Hangs it up with bits of string, there’s no room in the tin,
Wraps sausages in bacon, in case they catch a chill,
But makes sure they‘re all cooked thoroughly, so the family won’t get ill,
Cooks the bird for hours, while the table’s being laid,
With all the finest crockery (and some of lower grade),
Makes space around the table, brings in extra chairs,
Adorns the place with candles and other Christmas wares,
Lays out a Christmas cracker in everybody’s place,
Complete with rather tacky joke, no doubt of a straight face,
And brings out all the condiments, the pickles and the sauce,
The salt and pepper, the mustard and radish known as “horse”,
Next she makes the starter, the simplest course by far,
A cocktail made up of prawns and a sauce out of a jar.
The family then all piles in, and argues over seats,
The children are already full of chocolates and treats,
Grandmother is mumbling, “Kids should be seen not heard”,
Meanwhile back in the kitchen Mum’s wrestling with the bird,
She tries to carve up slices, but ends up with turkey chunks,
While Dad and Gramps have become a pair of Christmas drunks,
They start an argument about which wine goes with the meat,
And restless children run around, not staying in their seat,
Mother tries to keep her calm and bravely soldiers on,
But the roasties are all blackened and the sprouts are over done,
Mum enters the dining room looking very puffed,
She throws the turkey down and shouts ,“There you go! Get stuffed!”

18th November 2012

Details | Rhyme | |

Food Lion, Fayetteville, North Carolina

Her list includes croutons and jelly and jam,
as I read down, I see knockwurst and ham.
Bananas and tuna, pick up Borax and Bold,
if there's no Zest, then get Palmolive Gold.
Orange juice and lemons, Pepsi and Sprite,
ice cream and cookies for our guests tonight.
I arrive on line nine with it all and croutons.
It rings up, I reach in..I forgot the coupons.

Details | Clerihew | |

God That Taste Like Rubber

<                                      Mr Thomas Adams
                                        Weaver of the gum  Wham !
                                        Thought his Chicle
                                        Would fit better on my motor ~ cicle

Entry For 
John Freeman's 
Giggle Poetry
G.L. All

Details | Limerick | |


Computer spam I really do abhor

   But tinned Spam I have an appetite for

      I liked it in the Army

         And never did it harm me

            And it helped to win the Second World War

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

Taco Taco

Taco Taco

I like tacos ,
nice and crunchy
sometimes for supper
and even lunchy.

Filled with beef,
tomato, cheese and lettuce
mexican food
my tummies fetish.

8/16/14- Jessica Thompson

Details | Limerick | |

Cheerios to Go

Constipation as we all too well know

Disrupts everybody’s natural flow

     I welcome the Cheerios

     When the tummy bulging grows

Shout out to the toilet, “Look out below!”

*For Poet Destroyer’s Favorite Cereal Contest
by Carolyn Devonshire

Details | Limerick | |


©2012 C. Brent Cloyd

I bought a new scale at the Wal-Mart store.
Made it secure and level on the floor.
I took a breath, then stepped on.
The digits I saw made me moan.
Surely, I do not weigh two-fifty-four!

Let’s balance the scale, then I’ll try once more.
Adjusted proper, they’ll give the right score.
This time the scales will behave.
I stepped on, tried to be brave.
But with a grin they said “two-fifty-four”.

I would like to throw these scales out the door.
Wish they were lying, but I can’t ignore. 
I’ve gobbled many things sweet
And chewed on too much red meat.
My expanding poundage is “two-fifty-four”.

My belly is huge, my chin is galore.
Need to lose it, but process is a chore.
Need diet low in fat and starch.
So my stomach will not arch.
Hope to be smaller than “two-fifty-four”.

Would a brisk walk cause my health to restore?
Would losing blubber help me not to snore?
Let’s get started. Soon I say!
Well - after the holiday!
Cause my clothes don’t fit at “two-fifty-four”.

Details | Limerick | |

Limerick Fare

The way to cook up a good Limerick
Is to add the right words, then simmer it
But if it begets raunch
That’s unfit for your paunch
Then I wouldn’t touch it for dinner, ick!

         -and for dessert-

My gal loves to make Limerick-sicles
On very hot days to be whimsical
But the more we licked
The hotter it git
And often it’d even get critical.

Details | Light Poetry | |

A Give-Me-Chocolate Footle

   ~ all mine!


Details | Light Poetry | |

A Very Fine Mouse That I Took To Dinner

I had climbed the steep stairs two landings to the top floor
Paid the two dollars for my bed in the dorm as I had several nights before
Now you were not allowed to sleep here if you were rowdy or real drunk
You had to have the "once over"  and then take a shower before you got a bunk
Lock up your gear and clothes and shoes and get a cotten gown and pair of flippers
And if you needed a haircut they had a man with a pair of clippers
The requirements were that you get there no later than six at night
They sold sandwiches and chips and hot dogs and burgers and the price was alright
Another room that had a small television and a few chairs and an old grey rug
And also was a bookie who took your bets if you had faith in the mouse called Pug
Every evening the small crowd would gather for this special event
You had to bet at least a dollar and was worth every red cent
For little Pug had been doing this every night for a couple of months and had no fear
Except when he would pick a winning piece of food and would be a little tiny cheer
The men bet to see what piece of food little Pug would pick and take under the wall
Where he and his family lived and he was the provider of food and gave us a ball
Been many years ago that I took Pug to dinner 
For he picked my piece of a cheeto one night and made me a winner

Details | Free verse | |

in a nut shell

       ''A nut, what else but''?.

        Peter Dome.copyright2012.

Details | Rhyme | |


Rich chocolate 'pon my thin lips.
On taste buds twang sits
Minute; lifetime on big hips.
Now clothes don't fit

To a diet must commit
Carrots celery dip
Peanut chocolate dip permit
My pants can now zip

Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Contest: The 7/5 Trochee Poetry Contest

using choc lit as pronunciation
Celery pronounced cel ry

Details | Monoku | |

Rosemary And Thyme

Rosemary didn't want to be next to Thyme

                                                         For she couldn't stand his awful scent.

Details | Rhyme | |

A Great Wedding

The bride looked so lovely
All dressed up in lace,
The groom by her side
In His rightful place.

Food in abundance,
 A mountain at least,
Guests by the hundreds
 Flock to the feast.

French bread and garlic
Prawns in clay pots,
Sweetmeats and jellies
And ice cream for tots.

Chopsticks provided 
For eating the rice,
For those who can’t work ‘em
Fingers suffice.

Old Uncle Albert
Says “waste is a sin”
So proceeds with a smile
More food to force in.

Due to his greed
He’s not feeling so bright
But continues to eat 
Just out of spite.

Children are running 
All over the shop
Some are so tired 
They’re ready to drop

People are dancing 
The music is loud
Everyone’s happy
What a great crowd

The sun is still shining
It has from the start
The bride and the groom
Prepare to depart

Into the limo
All cute coy and chaste
The groom bids the driver
“Drive on and make haste”

I’ve been to some weddings
This wasn’t the worst
I have to go now
Old Albert has burst.

September 2011

Details | Limerick | |

I'm Cuckoo For Coco Puffs

<                      once was an  cuckoo bird named Sonny
                         tagging along gramps as first  gunny
                               shooting up cereal bowls
                     with dark puffs @@@ nice ~ and ~ slow
                            Oh how trix rabbit did so runny  

Entry For Poets Destroyer 's
Your Favorite Cereal Limerick
GL All                                  

Details | Rhyme | |

Un Petit Peu

We are friendly sort of people, greeting and asking how you are, One great nation, two languages, the distance between coasts far, Travel to Quebec or to some areas in provinces east and west, You may be asked in French “Comment ca va” with typical zest, “Comment allez-vous” is the same traditional question in France, Written, the French-Canadian version requires only a quick glance, “Je vais bien merci et vous” is commonly what you would like to hear, But there are so many responses, and certainly some will not endear. Don’t want to make a “faux-pas” but this language we all use, Watch a “film noir” with a “femme fatale”, you just can’t snooze. We experience “deja vu”, live in “cul de sacs” , could it be merrier, Even my big fat bum has a nicer name, its my delicate “derriere”. Such a sexy language, the words always seem to sound so good, Saying goodbye, I would prefer “Au revoir” it seems to fit the mood. Isn’t food offered “a la carte” seem nicer than just listed on the menu, I would much prefer “au jus” but sometimes gravy will just have to do. Bread, a“baguette et croissant avec fromage est tres magnifique” Foods in french; “creme brulee, crepes” anything “au gratin” - I seek. Breakfast without “omelettes” or dinners without an “entree” I’d miss, Expressing our most passionate behaviour, includes the French kiss. You must admit that French seems to be part of our everything, Just hearing some of those words, just makes my heart sing. To be called “Cherie Amour” is just so romantic, as you must see, Unfortunately I’m only fluent in English, just too bad, “C’est la vie”.
**French words/phrases- *Un Petit Peu- a small amount *Comment ca va- how are you and *Comment allez-vous- how are you *Je vais bien merci and vous- I am fine thanks and you *faux-pas- false step *film noir- dark themed films *femme fatale- female who is deadly *deja vu- already experienced, been here before *cul de sac- dead end street, often a circle *au revoir- goodbye, see you later *baguette et croissant avec fromage est tres magnifique- long narrow loaf of bread, and a crescent-shaped flaky roll with cheese is very magnificent. *C’est la vie- that’s life.

Details | Limerick | |

Pink Pork chop Bill

There once was a pink, pig named Bill,
who climbed up a big, big hill.
He climbed to the top
not to be pork chop,
but his big owner found him still.

Details | Rhyme | |

Onions 'n' Liver

I'm the only one at our house who relishes onions and liver.
Ah, the thought of that delicacy sends up my spine a shiver!
Never mind that my spouse almost gags and must pinch her nose,
Keeping the frying pan at bay as that malodorous aroma flows!

When a pan of onions and liver is sizzling in the kitchen,
To attack that delectable repast, my delicate palate is itchin'!
I take no heed concerning liver and all of its cholesterol.
Alas, it is seldom on the menu at our table after all!

A supper of onions and liver is just not at all complete,
Without a slab of cherry pie and ice cream for a treat.
The entree' must include peas, gravy and smashed pertaters,
And on the side a salad liberally laced with fresh termaters!

I grew up chomping on onions and liver as a Hoosier lad,
'Specially at butchering as hogs' fates were sealed by Dad!
We'd never heard of lobster thermidor or cordon bleu.
Shucks, at our humble abode we were pleased with a zesty stew!

I've heard that too much cholesterol can bring about an early doom.
Should that occur, this epitaph would be most appropriate for my tomb:
"Docs warned him about onions, liver and bad cholesterol;
Alas, he took no heed - his demise they could not forestall!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

Fried Chicken

Durin' my nearly four-score years I've had many a grand repast,
But there's one delicacy that will never, ever be surpassed!
There ain't nothin' like a huge helpin' of luscious fried chicken!
Ah, just thinkin' about it makes my pulse begin to quicken!

Mom was an expert at preparin' a bird for the old iron fryin' pan.
The hapless fowl was beheaded and plucked in the shortest span,
Cut up, seasoned and fried before you could count to ten,
Leavin' the old rooster crowin' in bewilderment sans one hen!

The preacher made his periodic visits for dinner at our house.
Mom's admonition to us kids beforehand always made me grouse.
Sayin', "Let the preacher help himself to the choicest parts!"
So we kids usually ended up with the necks, gizzards and hearts!

If I was asked to plan a dinner menu, here's what it would be:
Heaps of fried chicken, mashed pertaters, gravy and iced tea,
Sourdough biscuits, garden fresh carrots and sweet spring peas,
And for dessert a huge slab of cherry pie ala mode, if you please!

Nowadays the Colonel touts chicken from San Diego to Nantucket,
With all the fixin's in a box, bag or a handy two-gallon bucket,
Spicy or original and fried in lots of grease to a crispy, golden brown,
But I prefer my spouse's southern fried 'cause it's the best in town!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Limerick | |

Crackers And Cheese


There was an old man who loved crackers.
But got beat up by lots of attackers.
He went to his house
And talked to his mouse
Who said " Go, bring me more cheese and crack'rs!

Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000

September 8, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

SOUP Spoonin'

Online tonite
looks like 
a whole lotta' spoonin'
goin' on in the "Soup"

nosin' around the comment coral
I see love 
amongst the group

hot Soup!
not shaken
marriage scent in the air
no fakin'

where it leads...
we shall see
I know some 
are dippin' crackers in the "Soup"
but Lawd' knows 

Details | Terza Rima | |


Anyone who thought that I follishly picked a rabbit, a cat,
a sheep, a bird or frog as an animal for my impersonating:
must have the wrong would be a big insult!

How would anyone see me becoming one of those?
Has anyone thought of me as a ferocious lion instead?
I would be the king of the jungle, but it could get worse!

I will be demanding obedience and loyalty from every small and big animal
that I have recorded in this book and as their leader I'll be just and pliant,
but wouldn't they envy me for my pretty lioness queen so gentle and beautiful?

Only lions have the ability to lead, solving the issues of justice, equality and fairness;
others may not seek the powerful ivory scepter I'll be holding in my claws,
and from this throne made of straw...they'll admire my sovereignty and mighteness!

Who's laughing in the noisy trees, where lots of monkees devour ripe bananas?
Who's shaking the brenches to make them fall and and land where I stand?
Don't they see the crown I'm wearing which intimitates the elephants and giraffes?

Nobody should be afraid of a docile lion that would turn ferocious...
if the jealous ones continued to ignore me and flashed looks of contention,
and although I am a self-appointed king, I can be kind, not atrocious!

Entered in Kristen Bruni's contest,
" If I Was Animal What Would I Be? "
written by Andrew Crisci

Details | Tanka | |

Nice Breakfast (Tanka)

this breakfast is nice, 
bacon, eggs, toast on the side 
black coffee to taste 

not one drop going to waste 
yum, yum, me and my tum, tum!

Details | Limerick | |

Happy Birthday Fat Man

In the many long years since your birth
You've made twenty eight laps with the earth
In that time you've taken
Your fair share of bacon
And thus greatly increased in your girth

Details | Free verse | |

Soy Sauce Spills

Soy sauce drains 
Into the white, clustered rice
Stepped on…
spills . . . 
Soy sauce taints
The whiteness of the grain
 It slips out of my hands
No point in crying out in rage
Though I was starving, 
I'll just eat another thing and start on a new page

I'm hungry like a swine
I wish I can earn back my snack!
I'm as angry as a bull
I'm about ready to attack! Attack!
Soy sauce packages
Fall unto the dirty school ground
Stepped on
By bratty, conceited teens
They really need to eat their greens
Instead of junkfood and pizza
They should drink some water
Instead of drinking sugary drinks or
 Sucking on popsicles obnoxiously
Why did the soy sauce spill? Seriously....

Details | Quatrain | |

Toaster Strudel Trochee

<                                       Toaster Strudel - Trochee

                                        I just crave toaster strudel
                                        Piping hot pastry
                                        Cool icing so can doodle
                                        Kellogg's bakery

                                        So get to popping me one 
                                        Time to used noodle
                                        Pop tarts boring just no fun
                                        Choose toaster strudel

Meter: 7/5/7/5 
Rhyme Scheme: a/b/c/b or a/b/a/b

The meter is trochee, which means alternating stressed and unstressed beats in each line, with each line beginning and ending in a stressed syllable. This is a simple lyrical type little poem, so rhymes will be basic, nothing fancy. The poem itself should give a description of something of interest to the poet and often the meter lends itself to humor, much as a limerick does. There is not a set number of these quatrain type stanzas, but a typical 7/5 Trochee would consist of two quatrains, with the second stanza serving to tie up the idea presented in the first stanza.

Details | Couplet | |

Failed the First Week

Speak the words of truth
Till you are long in the tooth
Look them in the eye
And tell them no lie
A friend will know
When a tell does show
Your hips will grow width
Though you take the fifth

You fell from grace
When the sweets you did taste
Too good to pass
For a year… much too rash!!

Written for David’s “One to One” poetry contest

(Subject: A failed New Year’s resolution, but not mine !!  lol ) 

Details | Haiku | |

Sunday afternoon

fried chicken is good
with rice and beans and butter
ice cold glass of tea
and some football action for me

Details | Rhyme | |

Vegetable Troubles

I don’t like to eat my veggies
No carrots, beans, or peas.
And I don’t like to eat any salad
It’s full of gross green leaves.
I just don’t like the dirt
And all the bugs they’re carryin’.
All this wouldn’t matter….
But I’m a vegetarian!

Details | Limerick | |

Pear Shaped

This darn belly fat came out of nowhere I swear that yesterday it wasn't there I'm so freaking mad Need a doughnut bad Can't stand that I look like a fricken pear...
Show Me The Funny contest...

Details | Epigram | |


Snails are small
Snails are slow
Snails when cooked
Are escargot

Details | Monoku | |

Unspiritual Moment

                                    Grits overflowing on a flat range top..

Details | I do not know? | |


Wherefore art thou Cheeseburger
My stomach yearns for your greasiness
Melted cheese placed carefully onto a patty
Goodness from heaven. Oh so tasty.

The soft bread that caresses the meat
A perfect burger just waiting for me
Bliss surrounds me in a warm light
Loving every second i take another bite.

Details | Light Poetry | |

A poem about an apple that is sure to disappoint the reader

I see an apple.
There it is.

Details | Rhyme | |


I've slurped chili from border-to-border and betwixt the roilin' seas,
In fancy five-star establishments and greasy spoon eateries.
I've sampled some that has caused anxious gastrointestinal uproar,
But I'm a glutton for the stuff and always go back for more!

I'll eat chili with or without beans, it really matters not,
Jes' so there's plenty in the pot and it's rather spicy hot!
I'll even deign to open a can of concentrate in an emergency,
But I much prefer a great chef's favourite and secret recipe!

Many are the chili cook-offs I've sauntered my way through,
Tastin' gawd-awful concoctions, my face turnin' a reddish hue!
Those guys toss things in the pot about which I wouldn't care to know.
Their recipes are closely-held secrets and there ain't no quid pro quo!

Now, usually I can tolerate chili from any hot and spicy batch,
But, boys, I'm here to tell you that today I finally met my match.
Satan himself must have brewed that beastly olio!
I gasped, shed copious tears and my ears assumed a ruddy glow!

I'm told its a social blunder to crumble crackers in your soups,
But what care I?  I ain't concerned about jumpin' through no social hoops!
Some of the glares I get from folks are embarrassin'ly chilly!
So what! Me worry? I relish crumbled crackers in my chili!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved)

Placed No. 1 in PD's "Soup-Soup-Soup" Contest - March 2012
Placed No. 1 in David Williams' "My Favorite Dish" Contest - Jan 2012

Details | Diminished Hexaverse | |

No McNuggets

I do not like clowns!
Especially him!
I won’t encourage!
Eating at his place!
Because of Trans fats! 

Devin, Hunter,
Continue cries!
Mommy stops there!
Why can’t we too?

Hi again,
Left-hand turn,



Details | Ballad | |

Adieu Fair Pumpkin

A white pumpkin, how sublime
before the falling snow,
I'll warm the oven just in time
And in our tummies go!

So dear, so clear so virginal
This fair squash of thine
To take a sharpened knife at all
To it seems such a crime!

I turn it this way and then that
I cut its top and grin
I know just where that tin’s at
The one I’ll put it in…

Ah white pumpkin you’re bid adieu
As into your core I bore
Just as sweet and so yummy too
I’d ask for another encore!

Details | Footle | |

Valentine Chocolate And The Diabetic

Some fudge Begrudge
Covet You bet
Sponsor: Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen Contest:Valentine Footles

Details | Monoku | |

Making Homemade Biscuits


                                               Boy was I rolling in dough.

Click on:
"About This Poem"

Details | Limerick | |

Plight of the Leftover Christmas Cookies

Cookies must not go to waste
Specially those of great taste
So right passed my lips
And straight to my hips
I WILL let them go to WAIST

I so love to munch and munch
They’re brittle now with a crunch
The flavors- still great
But don’t satiate
They’re great with my office lunch

My body keeps them in store
Why can’t I get through the door?
Should have thrown them out
Now I am more “stout”
Ok, perhaps just one more?

Eileen Manassian Ghali

Details | Couplet | |

It Could Have Been Spaghetti

It could have been spaghetti
that I passed out on the street.

As icky as it seems to me
down near my hairy feet.

A yellow curl that made me sick.
A half a morsel not too thick.

That lay there still just like a worm
and made my stomach start to churn.

It could have been spaghetti
that I passed out on the street.

In sauce that lasts forever
in a place it will secrete.


Details | Free verse | |

Cherry Thief

Cherry Thief
 Dear Cherry,

Ontop of my shake you set in red glow,
you looked so delicious and vibrant,
I wanted to take you between my lips 
and taste your sweet juices. But then, you 
were gone. Before I knew it, someone took
you, and he held you between his perched kisser.
I watched as he savored you tender moistness with
delight. The last time I saw you, you were gone
with a swift gulp of his greedy throat. Goodbye
beloved fruit, you were so quickly taken that
we didn't have much time, to even say hello.
Perhaps we shall meet again one day, and 
when that day husband wont be 
near you...

(LOL..just a fun little poem)
5/24/14-Jessica Thompson

Details | Rhyme | |

Finger Licking Delicious

pumpkin pie Tasty finger licking Delicious almost dissolving right on top of my tongue and inside My mouth I sat there and waited Cause pie was so hot Burnt is what got I cry
contest:Plentitude of pies Sponsored by: Sheri Fresonke Harper 10.08.2014

Details | Quatrain | |

Diet starts Monday

Time to change myself once more
It's my mantra every Sunday
Be good with food and have less wine
This always starts on Monday

Commence with gentle exercise
And eat a smaller ration
By Tuesday this is going well
I'm full of strength and passion

It's Wednesday I am feeling weak
I want to drink some claret
I tell myself to carry on
So instead I eat a carrot

I put myself to bed that night
Hoping not to suffer
Tomorrow is another day
Of course I'll be much tougher

By Thursday I am back on track
I'm feeling rather dandy
I force myself to eat less snacks
And have a little brandy

By Friday it is getting tough
I'm feeling so much weaker
I pour a glass of cold crisp wine
And then fill another beaker

Come Saturday I am off the plan
I've gelled into my sofa
I fill my face with tasty treats
And turn in to a loafer

The sabbath day I carry on
I may as well keep eating 
Hereafter I will start again
And do it without cheating

Details | Quatrain | |

Peggy Ann

I knew a girl named Peggy Ann
Who turned three shades of mean
Whenever she saw vegetables
With any hint of green.

Bibb lettuce made her curl her toes;
String beans made her lips purse.
Cooked broccoli just grossed her out
And peas were even worse.

No matter what her mother served
Upon her dinner plate,
Poor Peggy Ann would start a fuss
That ended with debate.

She’d whine and whimper all the time
For something else to eat,
So she was given some dessert
Which changed her back to sweet.

And after weeks and weeks of this,
She started to fill out.
Then as the months began to mound
Sweet Peggy Ann grew stout.

When she got too big for the house,
They moved her to the barn,
Along side of the wooly sheep
Where she could spin some yarn.

And when she turned too sickening sweet,
The sheep were kind of glad.
Her own stench sweetened up the joint-
It wasn’t all that baaaaad!

By Susan Burd © 2011

Details | Narrative | |


Tall Aunt Euvela Made biscuits for our dinner It was requested of the crowd How many biscuits are required? My daddy said, "I always eat two." Uncle Troy said, " You won't eat two of Euvela's." When dinner was eaten, All the dishes washed. Uncle Troy said," Morgan, two you stopped short of." Daddy said, "Troy, you was right those biscuits were as big as plate." He continued, "No one could eat two of Euvela's biscuits." That woman had those big hands with long fingers to match her six foot height..

Details | Alliteration | |


Bubbling bacon
basks on the bright blaze
blobs blow up, 
burning beautifically on coal beds

The bark below bothers me
as I lay back taking the bite:
the branch bears the burden
of my tired bones

*Just a note, this is basically a joke written to try and figure out a genre, not really a serious poem*

Details | I do not know? | |

Floop Goop Suprise

Kanoodle the poodle,
eats blue beans and noodles.
With sticky grey peas,
while he swings in a tree.

A brown fish on toast,
a pink bubblegum roast.
On crackers with cheese,
whilst dancing with fleas.

Red floop juice and blue goop,
makes a purple floop soup.
white fish eyes and black flies,
we've made a floop goop suprise.

as the floop goop cools off,
he starts licking his chops.
He feasts by a tree
then falls fast asleep


Contest: Dr seuss on the loose
Copyright (c) 2012
James Mahauariki

Details | Personification | |



I woke up this morning
Went to the kitchen
Looking for some-thing
To eat....
For this morning
I was on a mission
I went in-to the Cabinet
To open my favorite box
It was closed and It was sealed
I shook it, yet
I could not hear...
Surely they were gone'
And so was my last beer'
Fore there in the box
Their wasn't a sound
So, I placed it on the table
Then I sat down,
Only something was strange
I couldn't figure it out
So, I clinched my mouth
And dumped the whole
Thing out....
I was looking for some-thing
That sweet taste for my mouth
But, that nice crispy cereal
Was gone...
         With-out a doubt...
I ran to the bed room
And looked on the floor
Their was an empty bowl
The milk was still cold
So, I was perplexed
Didn't know what to say next
My EX was sleep
On her mouth I could smell CHEXS
But, what could I do
Cause I wouldn't go near her
Was this a thought
Or could it be real
It was so...
That was my best meal
My ex-GirL fRiend
Has just killed my last
Box of CHEKS
What will she do next
Heavens' why me
She is a Cereal Killer
Can't you see?


Details | Didactic | |

Quotes Of A Lover Or Heartbreaker Candy Style

Lover: gives you, Ring-Pop,
and asks for your hand in 
holy matrimony.

Heartbreaker, gave you,
sneakiness snickers' 
and lies,Through their 

Lover: gives you, house on 
5th avenue as A we'd ding,

Heartbreaker: gave you, A
10,000 grand Debt.

Lover: gives you, 
A Baby Ruth,
To start your Family

Heartbreaker: gave you, 
countless, sour lemon-heads,
That poured out in endless, 

Lover: gives you, 
A pay day,
Shopping spree, 
just because.

Heartbreaker: gave you,a
Whatchamacallit head-
Ache in return, for the 

Lover: gives you, a
On good behavior.

Details | Quatrain | |

Chocolaty Conversation

Chocolate is nasty
Chocolate is sin
It is insipid
It’ll do me in

Chocolate is yucky
Chocolate is vile
It makes me happy
But just for a while!

Chocolate is poison
Chocolate is pain
First I was sexy
Now big as a train!

“Chocolate, I hate you
Chocolate, you suck
I used to be sleek
Now a waddling duck!

Chocolate, be banished
Chocolaty sweets….
It’s because of YOU
I’ll soon take up two seats!

Chocolate, release me
Chocolate….DON’T YOU DARE! 
Life can be bitter
I need you….be there!

Details | Quatrain | |

Christmas madness

Twas a few days before Christmas, shoppers
dazed and bewildered, wandered through the store
selecting groceries from off the shelves,
paying for purchases, minds are elsewhere.
In quick succession, three people stepped out
there in front of my cart - could not stop quick
so each  was hit gently, not one was hurt
just dumbfounded why I ran into them!

Details | Rhyme | |

Sophisticated Chef

Though I ain't a cordon bleu chef as the title might imply,
I can still whip up gourmet fare in the blink of an eye!
And to an oven or a fryin' pan I need not be a slave,
As long I can open cans and boxes and use my microwave!

No need for me to spend hours cookin' on languid afternoons,
Makin' a mess with spatulas, blenders and tablespoons.
I can simply open a box and fix Kraft's macaroni and cheese,
Or thaw Marie Callender's lasagna from a carton in a breeze!

Ah, the variety of Campbell's soups I can extract from a tin,
All prepared to perfection, not too thick and not too thin.
Doesn't take me long to create a scrumptious mulligan stew - 
Just open a can of Dinty Moore and heat it up is all I do!

I never bother makin' vanilla waffles anymore from scratch,
When I can thaw Eggo things from a box and enjoy a tasty batch!
Thanks to my handy microwave I can fix Sara Lee frozen pies -
I didn't bake 'em but my gullible guests think otherwise!

My side kick Chef Boy-r-Dee and I make a fine spaghetti,
And also unrivaled ravioli, tortelline and capelleti!
I'm always happy to share with others the secret of my success,
And the proper presentation of fine cuisine with panache and finesse!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Limerick | |

The Butcher


The butcher wastes no scrap of meat
He counts every part that  he meets.
Then turns it around
And right on the ground.
Then hits it hard and wraps it on wheat!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladp2000

September, 13, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |


It was getting late
But Dracula couldn't find his cape
His pants were too tight
His shirt wasn't right
So that dark, cold night..
He sucked blood in his boxers!

Sponsor: Darren Watson
Contest: Be Bram Stoker For A Day


Details | Monorhyme | |

Midnight Madness

Midnight Madness (Ah! Earth Hour,2012)

All this low tech by candle light
Doesn't do much for my eyesight,
But, pulled the breaker at midnight
Having set up picnic delights.
Marshmellows, grahams, choc'late--Right!
Roasting them o're candle's light.
Toasty charred outsides black as night
Inside sticky sweet 'mellow--Bite!
Ummmm! Another...the flame in sight
Whoa! It's on fire! Whooosh! Now--Bite!
Bag is'ams wrapped tight...
Flame still burns another one--Bite!
Guess I'll try fix the next one right.
Melting choc'late, 'mellow, gr'ams--Bite!
Ummmm! It's squishing tongue fights
To catch each drop of choc'late mite!
Oh!No! An empty bag! What fright!
Yet, that's not all...It's near daylight!
Not just one Hour for Earth's plight,
But five were spent in my requite.
Warm and was fun in spite
Of low tech!...Maybe...more tonight?

~by deborah burch

"Please try to go Beyond Earth Hour":
There are many ways to conserve without really giving up anything...
Share marshmellows over a candle for an hour on a weekend night with your children or 
Flip the breaker for an Hour--each week and create memories while helping conserve...
Be creative...Make life fun!!

*For Nikko's contest: "Beyond Earth Hour..."

Details | Ballad | |


It is...within the tiny things of early morning, that moment breaths alive, it is within the tiny whisperings, that a melodye the very dear and the antelope, play home on the range.

so goes the melodye of heart beat, that plays quietly the songs of soul,

here a rhyme is born of day-light coming so soon, through the early morning eyes of the moon-light, and the starry dreams of twilight's transitioning...

into the light of a love letter written to dawn.

soul to soul conversing, as in this love letter, the letters just join hands with the words and just march across the sky...and at the end of the rainbow, there be plenty of golden time,

way down deep on the inside, the inspired choir, of a bumble bee, or a butterfly, starts to sing, like tiny things that live,

flower to flower,
blossom to bloom,

watered and deeply cared for...

O' Eden.

I say, deep beneath the surface of a wishing well...where the pennies lay,

I wish a sun-rise.

Details | Rhyme | |

Green Bean Casseroles

Shame on those who malign the green bean casserole!
It gustatory delightfulness I shall e'er extol!
With 'fork in cheek' I'll take nonbelievers to task,
And their foibles and biases will strive to unmask!

Folks who disdain this dish ain't tellin' the truth.
Their culinary tastes are so pitifully uncouth!
I'd like to meet the feller who began this unsavory fable,
To ask why he destined it for such an untimely label!

At the church potluck dinner on fellership night,
There's always a green bean casserole to my delight!
A holiday repast with bountiful board just ain't complete,
Unless there's the inevitable green bean casserole to eat!

'Tis such a scrumptious dish, yet so easy to prepare.
Even I could whip up a batch, I really do declare!
Mix some beans, some onion thingys and mushroom soup,
And there you have it folks, all in one fell swoop!

Ere I flee this realm I aim to found as one of my goals,
"The Society For The Propagation Of Green Bean Casseroles!"
Upon my stone you may etch when I end this life's pursuit:
"Many were the green bean casseroles consumed by this galoot!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Limerick | |


Yeah! Dinner at my home is set at nine
Please don't come, mum would freak, and dad would whine
Chicken and chips
My lil bro weeps
And mum says 'dude get him a glass of wine'

Details | Rhyme | |

Just Desserts

The chocolate frosting was whipped for the cake
But it flicked on your neck by a simple mistake
Don’t move my love I’ll clean you up
With lips and tongue I’ll gently suck.

Mmmm, that’s good, lets have some more
There are other body parts we can explore
Remove your apron and what’s underneath
Cover up the box, so Betty Crocker can’t peek.

With spatula I’ll cover your passion
Chocolate cupcakes are all the fashion
On the kitchen table I’ll have my dessert
Careful dear, you’re ripping my shirt.

The company came later that night
And looked surprised to see the sight
Of a naked cake with no frosting there
Yet the hint of chocolate smell in the air.

Details | Rhyme | |

Dining Out

Tonight my wife proclaimed, "My dear, we are dining out!"
I said, "Fine!  How about steak and taters or rainbow trout?"
"No" she insisted, "I want an exotic Italian dish!"
Alas, I lost another tete-a-tete spousal skirmish!

We arrived at Luigi's or some such place,
And were seated cozily by the glowing fireplace!
We proceeded to order our favorite wine,
And to that point everything was going fine!

The server presented the menu to me.
I needed an interpreter I could readily see.
The longer the bill of fare that I perused,
The more I became addled and confused!

Fettuccine Alfredo, Portobello Gratine, Tortelloni;
Spezzato Cacciatore, Rigatoni Alla Carpinelli;
Linguine Bagutta, Cattaloni Penne Alla Taratina;
Tortelloni All Primavera, Scaloppini and Picata!

My head was spinning but hardly from the wine.
As I tried to figure out upon what I'd like to dine!
I summoned the waiter and said, "If you please,
I'll have a buffaloburger with onions, pickles and cheese!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Limerick | |

All Bran to the Rescue

If becoming "regular " is your goal Pour some All Bran in your cereal bowl It does taste just awful Rather have a waffle But not to much or you may lose "control"
for the my Favorite Cereal Contest

Details | Couplet | |

Mixology Brews blends mixtures concoctions

By Sashi.Prabhu(zeauoxian0
(18th February 2012 nite at Kentucky shack on colva beach)
I was browsing through the menu and laid my eyes upon interesting cocktails and mock tails.
I snapped up the names with the blackberry camera and wove them together to couplets.
Dedicate this one to my friends who love and cherish the cocktails and mock tails.

With love from zeauoxian, black lady, Tom Collins, Three peaks merlot, white lady, John Collins. Between the sheets, pink pusy, screaming orgasm, Pink lady, lost bikini, orgasm. Misty nite, hairy navel, ding a ling, Sunset, buttock clencher, Singapore sling. Lady killer, fuzzy navel, coconut diaquiry, Bloody Mary, fenny wenny woo woo, orange diaquiry. Pure calypso, climax, kick in the balls, Caribbean fever, planter’s punch, rocks for the dolls. Peach pleasure, tequila sunrise, margarita, Pina coloda, sunset, caipirnha. Coco colada, slippery dick, the hammer, Gimlet, sweet nips, tequila slammer. Passona orange, passona lime, sex on the beach, Orange blossom, lime blossom. Passionate peach. Gin fiz, Cuba libre, Roby Roy, Black lagoon, black Russian, beach buoy. Fight fiesta, stinger rum cocktail, side car, Negroni, pink elephant, brandy lime shot from the bar. Mohjito, long island iced tea, whiskey sour, Renaissance merlot, vina tarapoca chardonnay. All these heady concoction, Many of them and lots of action. The science of achohol blending, of the art of mixology, All these to the tipper is fun and to do with a smooth tripology!!!!!!!!

Details | Free verse | |

My Sister's Diet Coke

My sister sips diet coke
Gets her day going that’s no joke.
It even helps her dream of the Baroque;
Dazzling her eyes while frying her egg yoke.
And folks this is no smoke
It makes her strong as an oak,
While floating like a butterfly stroke
Whenever she drinks her chilled diet coke.

Details | Ballad | |

The Goat Cheese Craving Disease

A clever work indeed,
But you must really need,
Either a doctor or a goat,
It's up to you to vote,

In this poem you come acrostic,
To shepherds as diagnostic
As a woman a tad too caustic,
Of their herd's fruit a bit bombastic

I think they see with herder's eye,
You had too much Shepherd's Pie!!

Ha! Ha!

Details | Rhyme | |


Dentist delight
Halloween night

Patient's fright
Toothache plight

Details | Rhyme | |

When Your Alone At Home

Eat an apple a day
Drink drink water
Hydrate to lose weight
Eat an apple a day

Don't drink soda
Veggies and fruit
Will help you poop
Don't drink soda

No candy or sugary treats
Rice cakes
Make your taste buds ache
No candy or sugary treats

Walk walk walk
Trim those thighs
Walk walk walk

Sleep eight hours a night
A body that rest
Burns fat best
Sleep eight hours a night

Be positive be light
Pounds will shed
If you stay under fed
Be positive be light

Then when your home alone
Lock the doors pull the shades
Raid the pantry of all you crave
When your home alone

Details | Limerick | |

The Legend of Smelly Nelly

Smelly Nelly was quite a charming girl,
She wore her hair in braids instead of curls,
Bathing several times per day in the Jewish way,
Yet many scoffed and sniffed,
exclaiming she smelt like manure in hay,
Nelly used expensive oils and attars,
some came from lands very far,
Her raiments were made of the finest silks
but people still told her she smelt
like days old milk,
They shunned and booed her,
talking behind her back,
hoping and praying she would have a heart attack,
The gripe they harbored had nothing to do with
Nelly's smell, it was because her family owned
several oil wells,
Neverthelss, she brought her own lunch which made
her naysayers feel as if they were incompetent bunches,
The farce of living as the Joneses do, never appealed to
Nelly because she knew the value of a dollar,
So while folks snickered and stared, corking their noses
causing her despair,
She sat and ate her snicker doodle sandwiches with her
little pinky waving in the air,
Smelly Nelly they chanted everyday, but she shrugged
her shoulders and continued on her merry way,
Cartier, Chanel and Youth Dew were always in her backpack,
but she knew it was hard for critics to understand her modest lifestyle,
They all rumoured that she lacked!
Afterall, she rather "enjoyed" their ignorance,
watching them treat her as if she were a rotten as mere happenstance,
But Nelly soon conquered her critics by blossoming into a
lovely swan, forgetting about the negativity, and meanness,
leaving the penny section to stew in their own mess......

Details | Couplet | |

My Fortune Cookie

I'm breaking it open to take a lookee.
What does it say inside my fortune cookie?

Details | Footle | |

End Results

Candy In Pantry: Handy Candy Hersey's Chocolate: Divine Design Secret Sweets: Dandy Candy In The Pantry: Better Treasure Hersey's for Karter: Karter Starter End Results: More pounds Compound
Sponsor: Yasmin Khan Contest: Footle Fun

Details | Rhyme | |

Vacuum Cleaner

Red furry vacuum silently goes across the floor
Consuming dropped homemade southern biscuit
Then looks up with sad eyes beggin'  for more

Just for fun!!

Details | Rhyme | |

Lady bug Lady Bug

Lady bug 

Lady bug lady bug it is fun to play and look at you, 
you seem to increase in size whenever we live in some place new, 
you hide in my toy, you hide in my closet
what am I am going to do with you? 
Lady bug lady bug look at you, when I turn on the lights
you run with your friends and fly away too. 
Lady bug Lady Bug 
I am getting tired of you, you run and 
alluding me in to my shoes, even when I am over you,
eating my food, you look and seem
 you want me to bless you to. 
Lady bug lady bug I am not having fun with you, 
I am getting my mom and dad to get the 
exterminator to get with you and your crew. 
This poem is about a five years old kid who never saw North and 
South American cockroach in his young life.

 Poetry 11/26/10 by Keith K. Relf

Details | Pantoum | |

Veg advantage

No more fish please give us popcorn, it's more nourishing good for newborns! Give us popcorn no more nonveg, good for newborns veg advantage! No more nonveg give us sweet mom, veg advantage we should transform! Give us sweet mom fresh green cabbage, we should transform nonveg to veg! Fresh green cabbage it's more nourishing, nonveg to veg no more fish please! © kash poet( 2nd August 2011) ==============000=============== Placement: 3rd;(August 2011) Contest:Pure thoughts on Nature (Photo based) Sponsor:John Freeman

Details | Free verse | |

Heavenly Bacon

Bacon oh bacon you greasy little devil,
You have my full attention when i hear that frying pan sizzle.

Your aroma so intoxicating, Your taste is just pure bliss, 
Each bite just keeps getting better my head spins like the Exorcist.

You're the duct tape of the food industry cause you add that extra flava,
I don't care if i'm going broke i'm hungry , for you i'll pay that extra dolla.

My belly is content I have a smile across my face,
Bacon oh bacon when I eat you 
you take me to my happy place.

By: Shawn Munoz 
Inspired by Kevin Sheehan

Details | Rhyme | |

Get Rich Quick

Blackeyes and turnip greens on New Year's day.
   That's what we should eat, or so they say.
With pork chops or ham hocks glazed with honey.
   Eating all this is supposed to bring you money.
This is tradition in the South where I live,
   to eat such a meal, but this secret I give.
If you're eating this meal to gain riches untold.
   Then my friend I'll confess, while waiting you'll grow old!

For Russell Sivey's Good Luck Meal contest

Details | I do not know? | |

Chicken Noodle Soup

Chicken Noodle soup On a cold and winter day makes you feel all warm inside And ready to face today You slurp the noodles and you smile at its tastiness You drink the broth and giggle a little Its Chicken Noodle Soup So slurp away.

Details | Rhyme | |

Gerkey's Jerky

There's a teacher named Gerkey. He sells lots of jerky. If you won't pay, he'll send you away, and you won't get jerky form Gerkey.

Details | Limerick | |

Salty Soled Souls

There once was a picky young troll,
Who fussed over his supper bowl.
He loved human meat,
But disliked the feet
That came off of salty soled souls.

Until one day, he was cajoled
By an ogre out on a stroll.
Who said, “With some heat,
Those feet become sweet.”
Thus our troll was sold on soul’s soles.

For sweet and salty contest

Details | Couplet | |

OO---I'm Afraid Of My Fridge

I lean into the fridge to get a bite to eat.
And as my nose attests to,it doesn't smell too sweet!

I'm trying to decipher what that is in that dish.
And much to my dismay,it's month-old tuna fish!

There's odd assorted bowls of only God knows what.
They've been pushed to the back and hidden there by glut.

I'm so mad at myself for letting it go this far.
I even found I'm cleaning out an empty pickle jar!

Potatoes growing fur and other nasty things.
Moldy bread,soured milk,and dried up chicken wings.

The nose knows that I should learn to fix just what I need.
Cos' leftovers land in the ozone,of this I must take heed!

for contest"Offensive Odors or Noise Pollution"
sponsored by Susan Burch

Details | Quatrain | |

Redeye Gravy

Now sits the redeye gravy in the pan
It certainly is not at all like jam
Mom made it years ago  for her man
Fry some country ham, pour  coffee bam

Never knew why it was called redeye
Then my grandson informed me just why
Men who had been out late had bleareye
Who looked like they had been drip-dry

I always thought that it was because
It had dark red color from drippings
In my home it  got an applause
I thought that it was God's blessings

I learned my husband doesn't like it
My grandson doesn't like redeye gravy
When I make it only make a bit
Always redeye gravy left heavy

Today decided to place on grits
Feed to the cats see if they like it
Now cat is running around won't sit
I guess that caffeine gave them lift

Details | Rhyme | |

Peeling An Onion

There is a truth in you my friend
both heady and unique
that makes my sense of smell
take flight, 
and drives my curiosity.

I carve away voraciously,
cut deep and cut again
til glossy bulb is
ringed layers
of dazzling luminosity.

Sweet orbed bands, 
I plate them out, 
in artful presentation 
gleaming rings I praise, admire 
the aim of my pomposity

I peel, and peel,and peel again
core’s perfect pearl revealed
And I in awe,
Relish, delight 
devour you aromally

Details | Rhyme | |

Finbar's Food Adventure

A little old man called Finbar McGann
Survived on a diet of spinach and spam.
Occasionally cabbage he dined on as well,
but hated the way it made his house smell.

One day when he woke, it’s hard to tell why.
He thought there are foods I really should try.
He picked up his coat and headed for town
Deciding to try every restaurant around.

He first had a pizza he gobbled quick smart
Then ordered some pasta and blueberry tart
He sampled Chinese food, then a kebab.
A rather hot curry he scoffed after that.

Although he was full he wanted to glean
Which was tastiest kind of cuisine.
There were so many foods he’d need to digest
In order to reach the end of his quest.

He gorged on fried chicken, burgers and chips
Then looked at the menu licking his lips.
The beef bourguignon he gobbled with glee
Then asked the waiter to bring him the cheese.

Although his insides were starting to hurt
Finbar decided to try some dessert.
Ice cream, meringue, chocolate gateaux.
Which was the nicest? He just had to know.

Although he enjoyed every morsel he ate
He had to admit, he was not feeling great.
He swallowed a pill to ease indigestion
Ignoring discomfort to answer his question.

Still wanting more, just one final dish
Finbar Mc Gann ordered the fish.
Cooked to perfection the cod was delightful
But Mr Mc Gann was now feeling frightful.

His stomach swelled up with an ominous gurgle
He started to sweat, his features turned purple
His tongue, now quite numb, his taste buds eroded
Finbar mc Gann gave a groan, and exploded.

Details | Senryu | |

You Are My Sunshine

<                             covered chocolate
                       bursting ......  cherry implosions
                               over pallets tongue

                                a bit of sunshine
                         waiting for the right peeler ....
                             orange ya glad its you

Details | I do not know? | |

The Cookie

The chocolate cookie sits on the plate, 
Silently beckoning to me.
How could something so sinful as this,
Would taste so heavenly.

I inhale the smell of hazelnut,
So nice, warm and chocolaty.
The smell reminds me of old times,
When my grandma pampered me.

The cookie’s creamy exterior,
Simply melts to the touch.
The thought of eating this cookie,
Excites me so very much.

The wafer’s light and flaky,
As they always are.
The hazelnut taste would fill your mouth,
And make the world seem so far.

The cream is smooth and silky,
It would just melt on your tongue
The sweetness of the cookie, 
Would make you want to jump

O how I wish to eat it!
To savour the rich fire!
Why did I choose this day,
To start on a new Diet!

Details | Free verse | |

The Grace To Grow

The Grace To Grow

Through peril in its intact 
We have every reason by which to over react
The Grace to grow;
Many a shoulder to cry inflate the ego

Through our hard stance with fate
We lock our doors & protect out faith
In long lines at the store lest I emplore
Shades of trim left for me to begin

In oscillating ivory towers a man from Mars
The Grace to grow
From a little seed next the full grain blown to harvest once again
We can plant a seed deep enough through troubled waters come among

Shades of gems crimsome with rubbies
The cedar as a way of illumination
Perhaps I'm in need of a break on some long awaited vacation?
The Grace to grow

Details | Quintain (English) | |

The Love Of Food

“Food soothes the soul but widens the waist” A connoisseur of fine dining and fast fry I cannot deny, All memorable occasions seem to revolve around food, Tables filled with tender meat, vegetables and homemade pie, The succulent tastes melt in my mouth and raise my mood, But my cholesterol and waistline are absolutely screwed! Written by Lee Ramage September 9, 2011 For Contest “6 Lines of Poetry, Please” won 6th place

Details | Narrative | |


Curry. Cumin. Saffron.
Mmmm, the hallways always smell of spice,
her seventy-year-old body perfecting the rhythm of movement
from icebox to oven in her efficiency kitchenette.
Tangerine wall paint cracks and mixes carelessly 
with bits of spice yet lingering in the air; it
follows her, this aroma that eats the eater, 
dancing around her skirts
like faeries honoring their faerie queen.
She knows this, and smiles at the sliver of sun peeking through her window.

Down the corridor
people begin their ritual of recognition, then sniffing,
and finally a smile that reveals anticipation. 
No one goes hungry inside Apartment A6 and everyone has seconds.  
Lunch and dinner, breakfast too 
if a body is moving about as dawn surfaces. 
Though small, her main floor seems to expand
beyond the boundaries of walls,
everyone cross-legged and eager to devour dishes 
few could pronounce and none could forget.

A legend among the two hundred desperate palates;
today, however, souls wander lost through the hallways 
because the lucky have snaked their way into heaven
and left the masses to a barren, tasteless fate.
As the onions, okra and potatoes, flavored
with a hint of saffron and even less ginger,
entice bodies five deep and ten across,
our greedy fingers and mouths offer no thoughts of others
going without while dripping sauce falls onto our legs
and Berndi seems content with the pleasure she’s wrought.

Details | ABC | |

Rocky Mountain Oysters Over Meatballs

So you are choosing Rocky Mountain Oysters over Meatballs
You love to eat them from a zip loc bag at the mall
You grew up in the deep south  eating these odd things
For instance, you choose chicken feet with toe nails instead of chicken wings
You said you would eat the Rock Oysters with spaghetti or rice, it really doesn't 
Sometimes you eat them fried in a Tempura Batter
Do you ever feel remorse knowing some baby pigs are missing their Pa
All because you prefer Rocky Mountain Oysters over Meatballs
I can't condone your preference for  what you would call a tasty treat
Something is wrong passing up boiled eggs for pickled pig's feet
The stuff you eat would have me being a frequent flyer to a bathroom stall
I can't get past  you showing favorites to Rocky Mountain Oysters Over Meatballs
Did anyone tell you what they really are
It's not something you eat with a date gazing at the stars
My mind has always been open to try different things
But I need to draw the line eating a male animal's bling bling
I've eaten camel, horse, octopus even legs of frogs
Down in Tijuana, I ate tacos made from dog
You say what's wrong with this, I share these with my  in laws
Another advantage is Rocky Mountain Oysters cost less than your run of the mill 
Have you tried them with a little bit of Texas Pete
Rumor has it they started with sheep on the island of Crete
I do however like a good seasoned batch of Collard Greens
Can't quite completely criticize the South, I am caught in between
 But I do get a kick out of the deep Southern Drawl
But I am still a Yankee when declining Rocky Mountain Oysters over Meatballs

Details | Cinquain | |


Au lait.
Milk and caffeine caress
In an ecstatic embrace,
Drink me.

Details | Free verse | |

Disturbance at dinnertime

she sails
into the restaurant
with her volume, voice and vibes
her huge waves
disturbing every conversation
her loud laughs
Interfering with existing atmosphere
her empty words
bouncing all over the room
her massive  presence
sharks the whole place
at last
she sails
out of  the harbor
that wasn’t hers
fresh wind blows
and everyone shows
it is  now our happy hour

©Ellie Daphne van Stralen 2012

Details | Senryu | |

The Clank Of The Spoon

                                           The clank of the spoon
                                         Against the full chili bowl
                                            Tonight gas fills room

Click on:
"About This Poem"

Details | Blank verse | |

Luton to the Cotswalds

London , holds all its stories of old
Tea time all day , tea with a cozy
Tea time held proper at 4pm.
Everyone stops , everyone awaits a pot.

Earl Grey to PG Tips 
Milk served with biscuits
tiny tea sandwiches 
with cucumbers and cream cheese 

From Luton to " the Cotwalds "
Always the same theme 

The different dialects are not important to us
We are fascinated by all the difference
We love the Beatles , and your red Bus.

what part of London you are from 
It really means nothing to the Yanks .

The East , to The south , The Northern , or West end
The fish and chips are delicious served in paper with Vinegar 
 Neapolitans with high tea , fresh cream , we Love Great Britain.  

  to be entered in " new contest "

Details | Rhyme | |


I will take a jog, but will not go near the grocery store
I will pass by the grocery store, but will not open the door
I will go in there, but will not go down the aisle where the ice cream is on sale
Oh! I promise!... I just can’t feel my feet any longer!

I will look at the ice cream, but will not pick it
I will pick it up, but will not buy it
I will buy it, but will not open it
Oh! Promise! Just let me have it! It’s on sale!

Open it, but not smell it
Smell it, but not taste it
Taste it, but not eat it
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!

Ohhh! Freaking deceiving joy of calories is this!
Three months to lose, but took me a minute to gain
Promise! Promise! This is the last one, I swear!
I will just go to bed when I feel like jogging again.

Details | Tail-rhyme | |

Beaver's Castor Gland

All natural flavorings good Especially added to teas, food Beaver's castor gland Is source of such a flavoring Used in candy unwavering Now starved after
Sponsor:Black Eyed Susan Contest: Tail Rhyme Time

Details | Limerick | |

Lady de leisure

There once lived a woman called Lady-de Leisure, who turned not to men, but food for 
She ate everything spicy and sticky and sweet, the poor lady could not even see her poor 
feet. From dusk until dawn, all she would do was eat, drink, break wind, burp belch and poo.
But one day whilst eating her thirty fifth pie, the lady burped loudly, keeled over and died.
The funeral had to be held outside, but people they came to say goodbye.
The coffin itself, you’ve never seen bigger. The bearers were three forklift trucks and a 
The hole in the ground was fourteen feet wide, and  even then the coffin scraped at the sides.
So if you are thinking about being a lady of leisure, look elsewhere than food solely for 

Details | Rhyme | |

And Goliath Said

Contractual agreements with publisher caused DELETION

Details | Burlesque | |

The Naked Banana

A very odd co-worker,
One who drove us all nuts,
Was more than weird with food,
In fact, he was a putz

Every single day
He'd eat his 
tuperware'd roast beef
Never a chance in menu
All other foods succumbed
To a sadistic nasty food-thief?

But when he had his banana,
That really took the cake...
He'd peel it completely
Before the first bite he'd take...

So there he was,
With a naked banana in his hand,
Gooey stuff oozing between his fingers
It was a sight no one could stand...

This was a very odd fellow,
There is so much more to tell
A bizarre co-worker,
With ol' thomas bell

Details | Rhyme | |

A Squirrel's Treat

Now there’s a sound I’ve heard before,
The quietest knock on plastic door,
The squirrel on the other side,
Boldly stands, no need to hide,
He knows that there’s nothing to fear,
From the people within here,
But if he can just look so sweet,
He might just earn himself a treat,
And so he stands with widening eyes,
Hoping for a small surprise,
He waits patiently for bread,
With his tail so bushy and red,
Give him it dry and he might just utter,
“Thank you Miss, but where’s the butter?”

Details | Free verse | |


Soup tastes better
when its ingredients are veggies
with enough noodles
to give it a tempting look.
All the pasta letters of the alphabet
can be stirred in it until they cook well.
I see some children drool,
watching it with hungry eyes, but seeming cool...
while mom warns them of the hot steam,
" Don't stick your nose in that'll get burned! "
Finally, the veggie soup is ready...
every bowl is filled to the rim, 
" Yummy ", one says licking his lips.
" Dig in,'s mommy's soup, the best ever! "
She tells them with a thrill that delights them all.
" One thing you've forgotten to say...
what was your letter? " Mine is A, " I yelled.
" Good, boy...I am going to reward with another bowl of soup!" 

Details | Rengay | |

Seven Days To Dream Think

Seven Days To Dream Think
My week to speak exactly what I think
To sink my teeth into a thick steak that’s pink
My week to tell everyone I hate that they really stink,
To tell the crazy one’s to go tell that crap to their shrink.
My week to skate around like a
Disco superstar at a roller rink.
To walk around purring at people wearing nothing but my mink.
My week to slinky slink, slink, slink.
To show people I have a lot of kink.
My week to be famous for words of luster ink.
To give all of the handsome men a wink.
My week to have the biggest glass of wine to drink.
If only it was my week.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Eating Habits Of Vanilla Gussett

I am me!

I am beautiful greediest me!

I'm quite simply gigantic, enormous, colossal- bigantic!

I'm huge I'm not small I could fill Albert hall -

What a beautiful thing to be me.


I can eat a cake shop in one sitting

Forty boxes of chocs without quitting,

If I had half a mind to-

I could well be inclined to

-Start over again, food permitting.


They say I've no stomach to diet.

'Lazy lummock!' they scream. 'You must try it!'

I just laugh from my belly

Till it wobbles like jelly,

'Come on then,' I say, 'come and fry it!'


It is said I'm too lazy to chew.

It's an art, It's not easy to do.

I just open my gob

And with a flick and a lob-

Down the hatch, tallyho, toodaloo!

Details | Limerick | |

OOPS (Limerick)

There once was a girl named Shelly 
Her favorite food was jelly
One day she over indulged
Until her tummy just bulged
She had put too much in her belly

Details | Rhyme | |


this magical toy was handed down to me,
by no other but my family.
yet to be recognized and told,
never to be sold.
in first sight it was mystical,
it never likes a brat.
so to it's meaning;
you shouldn't always be mean,
show that you are not easily upset,
and is always is a fair kid.
it could protect you,
will always be by your side.
calm you in the storm,
brave you through a fight.
will be there for you through thick and thin,
no matter how your destiny ends.

Details | Free verse | |


Thin, hand tossed, or pan.
Pepperoni pizza?
Join me if you can.
Dine-in, buffet, or on the run,
pizza for lunch is so much fun.
Taco pizza will hit the spot.
This pizza kitchen sure is hot!
Yes, dessert pizza made just right.
Chocolate chip pizza is such a delight.
Extra meat and light on the sauce.
Join me for pizza at a low cost.
On a diet?
That's okay.
Veggie pizza fixed your way.
Some like it hot and some like it cold,
but I like mine spicy and bold.
Order to go or dine with grace.
Join me at the pizza place.

Details | Rhyme | |

That bewildering cake

That bewildering cake, flung to her 
thoughts as she raced to the microwave!
Ready to eat all those scraps, put in her 
face... She was Ready. Ready to face this
bewildering cake.

This bewildering cake made no mistake
on her as she watched it sit in the 
microwave that one night... Silently preying
on something so small, but something more
delicious than all.

She grabbed a fork, and a plate. 
About to make a really bad mistake.
Until one minute later, her Mom had
awoke... and no further lies were told..

"Sally, oh Sally, what have you done? You 
ruined my chocolate cake that was made 
for my Mom!" She looked at her, sadly, her
face filled with tears as she made way to her
Mom saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But it was 
so much fun!!" 

Her Mom then smiled and held her head within 
her chest, gripping the plate and what she said
next, made all the difference. "That's okay 
sweetie it's only the second to last one!!"

Details | Monorhyme | |


A guy chomping in my face I simply cannot stand
Especially when I'm hungry--I'm gonna snatch that out of your hand!!!
Ah, for more food, I'd give up any land or man
Until I step back on that scale at home--oh, damn!!!

**inspired by that one guy eating what should have been /MY/ McDonalds hamburger... ;)

Details | Burlesque | |

The Bachelor's Gourmet Cooking Manifesto

A bachelor's life is, by necessity, quite simple
We're generally the same ourselves
Complications we avoid
They take from us too much energy
And if you look at our kitchen shelves
You'll almost always see
Our gourmet pre-made food
is for us the key
We would not know how to fry
an egg or make good tea
You see, if it ain't pre-cooked,
To just be microwaved
We'll shy away from those such products
It's ease and speed we crave,
This type of food only
Until our early grave

Now, just for special occasions,
We might use a can opener
for gourmet treats to serve
To those we wish to impress
With our elan and our panache'
Maybe Chef Boy-R-Dee spaghetti,
Oh tasty, tasty treat!
It's probably the most sophisticated
Meal we'll ever eat.

And there's always the drive-thru
For most important family holiday get-togethers
Taco Bell, McDonald's, and many others too,
Don't complain and ruffle our sensitive feathers

So if you own a frying pan,
And, oh God!, maybe even a pot!
That tells me right away,
A bachelor you're not!!

Details | Cowboy | |


Tainted love 
or tired love?
Smug attitudes
and weak games
Look at you!
Your such a lame!
Me cry?! Ha! Not no more!
Five point five years
What a joke?!
All you do is lie
Keep smoking your life away!
Wake up before its too late!
Before this love turns into hate!
Your too old to act this way!
Your too comfortable
You cant stay!
In my life!
In my way!
Goodbye to you!!!

Details | I do not know? | |

The Constitution of a Aging Veggie Eater

The Constitution of a Aging Veggie Eater

I the aged, will do my solemnly best
to eat all my green like vegetables 
and what every doctor Oz says is good for my body 
and will affirm that in good faith, I give my word that, I will protect my colon and my heart 
to the best of my ability, to preserve my health and defend my new way of life 
no matter how young i may feel at the time...  

P.S.  But if a desert comes into view, I will not, do my Hostess best to walk away?!  
               but eat it with the vigor of a young woman, without a waist line!    
             "Oath of office of the President of the United States"

	"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President
of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the
Constitution of the United States."

Details | Light Poetry | |

Giving Thanks

This was written by me with the help of the second grade Sunday School class at Maumee United Methodist Church in Maumee, Ohio.

Thank you for the sun so bright, Thank you for the stars at night. Thank you for the food we eat, Especially the turkey meat. Thank you for my family, Thank you for my friends with me. Thank you for cranberries sauced, Especially when they get lost. Thank you for my house and home, Thank you for my brush and comb. Thank you for when things get smashed, Especially for potatoes mashed. Thank you for my TV shows, Thank you for my runny nose. Thank you for bivalve clams, Especially thanks for candied yams. Thank you God for all you give, Thank you for my life to live. Thank you for the food to try, Especially the apple pie. Listen to the song I sing, Thank you Lord for everything!

Details | Rhyme | |

Fast Food To Go

Fast Food To Go

By Elton Camp

To get take-out at the fast food place
It’s a gauntlet that you have to face

The drive-through line extends so far
Yours could be about the tenth car

Then starts the ordeal that I so hate
Pull up and wait, pull up and wait

The driver of the car just ahead
At least seven time the menu read

It’s your turn the speaker to address
Don’t imagine it is going to be express

A recorded voice gives the offer for the day
“May a take your order?” a human will say

After ordering, expect to hear words as these
“Would you now repeat your order, please”

Attention deficit is required
If, for that job, anyone is hired

“Drive to the next window to pay”
The distorted voice will then say

Then when you manage to get that far,
The cashier drops change beside your car

Next comes the window for which you came
The one where your food order you claim

But one more stop should be expected
Inside counter where the order is corrected

Details | I do not know? | |


I RUN from FEAR.



I FIGHT cause of FEAR.

I'm FAR from you.

I'm SCARED cause of you.

You're the FEAR that I HUNT.

You're the FEAR that I FIGHT.

You're the FEAR that SCARED me for LIFE.

*Comment if you have any thought and if you like it. oh and some of the poems i write arn't 
always my feelings. their some times just to get through other people so they can have 
something to read that just fit's them.*


Details | Footle | |


Mum makes,

No sugar,
Oh B****r!

Details | Rhyme | |


There are fairies at the bottom of my garden I told the woman next door. They are cute, they are small They come when I call. I leave food out for them at night. There are fairies at the bottom of my garden I told the men in white. They are pink, they are green They like strawberries and cream. I watch them dance around fires at night There are fairies at the bottom of my garden I told the walls in my cell. They are gentle, they are meek, They play hide and seek. Their voices stay with me at night. There were fairies at the bottom of my garden I told my other self. They were soft they were sweet, They visited me as a treat. And I ate them for supper last night!

Details | Limerick | |

Big bird

There was a fat lady from Swaffham 
Who gave up on men, she was off ‘em
She sought comfort in sweets
Sickly sugary treats
Which she’d buy by the ton and then scoff ‘em

Details | Couplet | |

Never Digress or Jest

I hope and pray, I never die like this.
For this would not have any bliss.
Running to a room with pain in chest,
Maybe from something I did digest.
Hoping to get rid of something thwarted,
Dying from heart attack as it departed.
Sitting upon a white porcelain throne,
This is not the way I want to be known.
Though hopefully my actions will pass,
Maybe oh maybe, it’s only a little gas.
If I were a king, then I wouldn’t mind.
Upon a golden throne they would find.
That I had died in gracious peace at last.
Though, my before mentioned place aghast,
Since I am no king, to pass away in jest,
There’re worse ways to die, then doing my best.

Written for
Sponsor Natalie The Rogue Rhymer 
Contest Name Die A 'Fun' Death Contest  

Details | Rhyme | |

Live Or Diet

Well,here it is, and here I am,
for dinner a lettuce leaf, and a slice of ham.
If this tiny morsel,on this great big plate,
is supposed to ensure that I lose weight,
then rest assured, it will ensue,
that pounds will drop off, and not just a few,
no, if I stick to this,then let it be known,
that I'm gonna wind up skin and bone.
my body parts will shrivel and waste,
and to top it all,I can't even taste,
such a teeny weeny piece of food,
if I served this to guest , I would be rude.
So I am going to make an increase to,
my slices of ham,yes,that's what I'll do,
a tasty four slices I'll have of ham,
and frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,
that this may slow my weight loss down,
as it will help to rid me of this frown,
and also I'll add another three,
lettuce leaves 'cos they're good for me,
and then perhaps a tomato or two,
to enhance the flavour,yes this I'll do,
then to top it all,and add mucho taste,
in a sweet chilli dressing, the lot I'll baste,
and then I'll pile it all between two hunks of bread,
because I intend to live before I'm dead!
And if I stick to this, I'll never be known,
as skinny Tom, the human xylophone!

Tom Higgins 10/05/2012

Details | Quatrain | |

Sweet Addiction

I prowl the aisles of the grocery store,
hunting for some sumptuous treats
To get that sugar fix I'm aching for,
such sweet suduction, it can't be beat.

I find candy coated crunchies,
sweet kisses, candybars galore.
All the goods to sate my munchies,
yet I still want so much more.

With a dark addiction for these sweets,
I'd gladly be a gun for hire.
A cocoa ganster from Hershey Street,
with my own Rich Chocolate Empire!

TLH   ©   07-26-2012

Details | I do not know? | |


              As the saying goes,an apple a day will keep the doctor away
                                   But what is a worm to do
                               I lie in a apple close to the core
               Ever so often i slither up to my brown bedroom door
                              I stick my head out to peek at the world
                              To my surprise,there's a monster out there
                                     Picking apples real fast
                                I held my breath,i could only gasp
                                     My heart was thumping
                  The apples were bumping in a basket down below
                   A monster reached out and grabbed my home
                    Opened his mouth,of long white teeth
                     Said ,''im hungry'', i need something to eat
                     My heart stood still,i couldn't breath
                     Thought this would be the end of me.

Details | Limerick | |

The know it all poet - Make me laugh contest

Harry Horsman he is a poet 
Ask him anything, will know it 
Asked what is a Doditsu 
Said a Japanese bean stew 
Eat with care bowels will blow it 

Details | Acrostic | |


Gnashing your teeth while gobbling gook
Induces a terrible state;
Bubbles of spittle froth up your words
Blending your speech and the food on your plate.
Everyone knows not to speak while chewing;
Really, it's common sense.
In spite of the need to speak out your mind,
Swallow your food first, if you'd be so kind;
Hold onto your thoughts until then.

Details | Rondeau Redouble | |

Soul Food

Bagels and baguettes
Bap or fried bake,
The fruits of the flour
are easy to make

Chollah, chapatti  
Cinnamon bun
These global delights
make eating such fun

Filled with Caribbean sweet meat
like Guava jam,
Scottish smoked salmon; 
Or Danish roast ham

Add a fresh fruit salad,
 some sparkling wine
A candle, red roses and  
you’re ready to dine.

Details | Limerick | |

Mad Cow Disease

I watch very intently, as each move is made
Who is in the sun and who is in the shade
From the California Cheese to the Midwest Plains
It is affecting their brains
A good burger needs all the fixins, hey Mom, don't  forget the cheese
But we don't want the Mad Cow Disease
Take Chester as an example
He wanted to handle matters himself, ended up getting trampled
Jane does exist, but her last name isn't Doe
But she is in love with John, that's why her face is aglow
Judy was down at a Saints game and ran on to the field to join the huddle 
claiming she was replacing Drew Breeze
This is only a few that have been taken over by the Mad Cow Disease
How many more people will be labotomized
This disease wears a brilliant disguise
Go ahead laugh if you must
Who will be laughing when the famous words are read, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to 
Let's pass this on to the illegal refugees
Then send them back where they came from and share their wealth of the Mad 
Cow Disease

Details | Monorhyme | |

She wore pineapple rings for glasses

She wore pineapple rings for glasses
and walked like jelly dances
I didn't rate her chances
She used to wee standing up
she cooked lemon a'la duck
won the lottery, grumbled what bad luck
like a surgical nip, without the tuck.
She'd blow cream cheese when she sneezed
and eat ram dressed as lamb
for sunday roast she ate toast
with mushrooms for toes, little buttons in a row
smoked salmon for a nose, smelt fishy when she blows
She wore a chicken-winger-as-a-ring-around-'er-finger
that became a stinker, boy did it linger
thanks to x-factor, she wants to be a popsinger
but she's a bloody minger.
She cares not much for clothes
revealing skin and bones
much to establishments moans
and 'righteous' idiots groans
little boys stand and stare
french fries for pubic hair
thats not meant to be there
she makes a mess everywhere.
She's got a chopping board, where a leg should be
might be why she walks all wibbly wobbly
wears a saucepan for a boot, metallic clomping of her foot
for make up she uses butter
cheeks glow as eyelids flutter
she's well dressed like a salad
marinated in love ballads
a lemon glazed mallard.
She's like dessert before a starter
the rip off and the barter
she drips morsels like a leper
smells like fresh ground pepper
her blood doesn't flow much like batter
pure cholesterol but gets no fatter
she looks like beef but tastes of bacon
bleach white teeth with an accent like jamaican.
She makes a meal of everything
wearing rabbits paws and prawns for bling.
holding her hand feels like wriggling jellied eels
whiskers longer than the oldest seals.
She wore a banana as a brooch
didn't wash more like poach
she really is hamfisted, skin like crackling all blistered.
She's not a 5 a day, unless it's take away.
She's drunk too much grain, pickle damaged brain
downright bonkers on the left side of sane.
She slept alone upon a bed of stilton
in a suite at the glitzy ritzy hilton
upset, the tears she did cry
weeping raspberry sorbet from her eye
from the orbs within her pocket
hairstyled by electric socket
a crazy look, but I wouldn't knock it
for she lives her life free as the wind,
though she smells like brie that should be binned
or tuna from a damaged tin.
She's a genetically modified vegetable at a completely organic table
She cuts clothes off only to keep the label.
In this crazy ole world, shes still a backwards girl
enough to make even hardened stomachs hurl
Pretty tasty date, give her a whirl?

Details | Rhyme | |

ode to marshmellow peeps

Marsh mellow peeps
a wonderful treat.
Yellow pink or  blue 
 all of them stick like glue 
on easter , christmas or even halloween  
I like peeps and  pass on  jelly beans .
Some have said they can cure the common cold  
others say it reminds them of yellow slime mold  
what can I say ?
it doesnt matter to me either way 
but personally  my favorite type is
the ones you put in the microwave oven  
and watch as they  bubble, pop and  fizz   

Details | I do not know? | |

Burger Love

her quarter-pounder eyes edged with charcoal coaxed me inside. her round succulent body i savoured hungrily as from table to table she rolled. a small gherkin green nose sat on lips of tomato sauce surrounded by a cheesy smile. as my fingers touched i knew it was burger love.

Details | Limerick | |

who us

Who Us?

If we smile real cute they won’t know it’s us
Who stole all the bananas off the bus
Quick throw the peels
Under the wheels
And pretend that nothing is up!


Received 5th plcae in "limericks hilarious" contest

Details | I do not know? | |

big fat greasy cheeeeeesburgers

big fat greasy cheeseburgers
big and fat
fat and greasy
1/4 lb.
1/2 lb.
1 lb.!
just give it to me good
Come to daddy!
Big and cheesey
Fat and greasy
Big and greasy
Fat and cheesey
Yes, I hope it's not taken
Of course, it's just an xtra nickle
Extra cheese?
Are u kidding? Absolutely...please!
not today, i'll have a french fried potato
grill it
broil it
fry it
just let me eat it!

Details | Limerick | |

The Cannibal Terror

This terror I now share with thee
Some cannibals had captured me
A dinner for clan
What worse could fate plan
We’re vegan a man said to me

Details | Couplet | |

When the Kids Went With Dad

Chicken, potatoes, and cold pumpkin pies
The food on the table is covered with flies

White ones and red ones and black ones and blue
Just look at that mountain of laundry to do

Dishes and pot lids and pans that are green
Oh, look at this pile of dishes to clean

Here there is carpet but there there is none
I wish that this pile of garbage was done

Smudges on windows and dents in the doors
Remains from the hundreds of food fights and wars

Couches all tattered and furred by the cats
A mound of cracked snow boots and sweaty old hats

Dishes or laundry or piles of goo
I have me a plan and I know what to do

Toss 'em out windows or down the front stairs
I know this is cheating but who really cares?

Out goes the laundry and stashes of junk
From Adam's green apron to gramma's old trunk

There go the dishes all covered in mold
Along with some food that is forty years old

Off with that chair and "The Three Little Pigs"
Things that are broken and "How to Grow Figs."

Off with this junk that my kids left behind
This statue of rocks and a petrified rind

Details | Light Poetry | |

Nancy and Lyles Wedding

Nancy and Lyle are friends of mine. They had both been widowed. When they married it was very obvious that they were meant to be together. They had a mashed potato bar at their reception. I thought that it was a fun idea.

I went to a party the other night and it was quite nice and well above par, And my favorite thing for the guests to enjoy was a mashed potato bar. Into a champagne glass a generous scoop of mashed potatoes was placed, Then I could add any topping to it that I wanted and season it to my taste. So I took some green onions and some bacon bits and then just to please, I added a dollop of sour cream and a scoop of melted nacho cheese. To tell you how great it tasted would be to put the horse behind the cart, I have to explain that my mashed potato creation was truly a work of art. Those who were seated by me were nearly overcome by their temptation, When I ate my mashed spud Mona Lisa the taste filled me with elation. I went to get a second helping and duplicate the flavor and the joy, But when I got to the serving table what I saw only served to annoy. The ingredients that were set out had been completely changed, Now I had to deal with the fact that everything had been rearranged. And so to this mashed masterpiece I added pork that was wrapped in salty bacon, I covered the whole thing in savory gravy it was another masterpiece in the makin’. It seems I’ve threaded the needle and the odds for a second time I’ve topped, The shifting choices of life have slowed me down but have not left me stopped. Can you imagine the luck that I must have, to find something that was so nice, Only to have my life get rearranged but then to find something that nice twice? So raise a champagne tater glass to Nancy and Lyle and wish for them the best, And hope that the gravy of their lives remains lump free for they are truly blest.

Details | I do not know? | |

Where's the beef?

(I got the idea for this poem from those commercials that were made over 20 
years ago. The elderly lady who starred in these commercials died in 1987.)

I ate a hamburger at a restaurant and I asked where's the beef?
The chef got mad and he made me swallow my teeth.
That chef's patience was very thin.
I'll never ask where's the beef again.

Details | Free verse | |

Crackers ‘n' Cheese

I was a-munchin’ ‘n’ a-crunchin’ on some crackers ‘n’ cheese
When a-someone or a-somethin’ came ‘n’ tickled my knees –

With her tail up in the air in a question mark tease,
‘Twas my little grey kitten mewin’ wide-green eyed pleas –

Beggin’ of her human, “Oh kind human, please
Won’t you let me share in yer crackers ‘n’ cheese?”

I looked into her tiny face ‘n’ made the choice with ease –
Doncha know that to my heart this kitten holds the keys?

I felt her purrs flow past me, a gentle, liltin’ breeze,
 ‘N’ now my kitten’s doin’ the munchin’ on my crackers ‘n’ cheese!

Details | Rhyme | |

Another Bowl of Spaghetti

Our taste buds have gone sad
It is the fault of Dad
Since Mom's been gone
He's feeding us all wrong

Now it's not that we are upset
It's just that we object
For three meals a day
Another bowl of spaghetti

At first we were pleased
We had plenty of cheese
But Mom were about to flip
Come back from your business trip

Dad's heart is right
He thinks his spaghetti a delight
But even chef Boyardee
Had some variety

No use to complain
Every meal is the same
Three times a day
Another bowl of spaghetti

Details | Limerick | |

The Apple

The green of an apple is a forth coming blessing
With its confirmed ripeness our lips begin the pressing
But remember to address it for any worms
Less in thy mouth they wiggle and squirm
For like bleu cheese dressing the experience is quit depressing

Details | Verse | |


The ladder was lost in the yard.
We looked for it all day and all night.
But when it was stolen the jug full of lard
there was the beginning of the fair fight!

I baked really high and nice biscuit
and made the cream with pea-nut butter.
The cake was a wonder and had to be sweet
so I put it on the shelf in the open larder...

...The thief was calm and looked like a lamb
with my cake in his hands and was sitting on my ladder.
He was getting up to the attic, my neighbor, a lad.
When I caught him on hot he was in my sweater...

Details | Quatrain | |

I'm Eating My Way Through The Fridge, Tra-La

I'm eating my way through the fridge, tra-la!
I'm eating my way through the fridge
Do I feel a little bit guilty about it?
Maybe a bit more than a smidge

Someone's got to get rid of this stuff
It's been here for more than a week
The plastic containers are starting to bulge
Don't dare lift their lids for a peek

Saw a big bunch of week old burritos
Get up and start dancing around
Thought I could hear a Mariachi band 
It was a faint, almost inaudible sound

The vegetable bin was rockin' with laughter
As a tomato all mushy and ripe
Was cuddling up to a overripe cucc
That smelled like an old guttersnipe

All in all the scene wasn't pleasant
Next time we'll try eating faster
Before the office for the environment
Declares an ecological disaster

I'm eating my way through the fridge, tra-la!
It's a service I provide for my country
And Greenpeace is actually thinking
Of naming a ship after me!

© Jack Ellison 2012

Details | Light Poetry | |

Drinking from the Baby Bottle

Holidays come and holidays go, but the grocery store is a war zone.
You got to get there fast… or Honey you’re just plain out of luck!
My diabetic hubby drinks caffeine free diet soda and what luck…
You know the ones he takes to work... Only the little bottles are left…
I knew I was truly sunk when the 3rd store was just the same.
So as lunch came around, my manly man’s manly sized lunch came out.
But everyone became quiet and laughed as the baby sized bottle came out.
Everyone was laughing as my hubby drank it down.
Then he held it up and said “In your diapers” as everyone laughed around.
And to everyone’s surprise he pulled another one out from his lunch…
This time there was applause as he drank that sucker down.
Today was his day to entertain.
Tomorrow it’ll be someone else’s to claim.
Thank goodness his sense of humor… is worthy of acclaim…

Details | Burlesque | |

Waiter, There's a Fly In My Soup!!!

Fly in the ointment,
I've heard said,
Flies will use you for
food, when you're dead
But a fly in the soup?
Which one of you??
How'd you get in somehow?
What did you do?

These rhetorical questions,
do not require answer,
But one thing does, for sure....
Just how did a zipper get in
my chicken noodle?
This question I do implore

My lips are torn,
my faith in Campbell's shot,
this is one thing,
to predict, I had a chance not

Details | Verse | |

Pink Slime

Pink Slime, Pesticides
And chicken thighs bigger than my thighs

And we wonder why there is an increase
in learning disabilities among children today 
I say it’s because the process, that the food is processed and grown and raised, is
compromised by demand, money, greed or fame. 
I do understand that demand is high 
so we have to do somethin’

So to compete, we inject hormones into the very animal or plant that is sold for consumption
So now we eat these hormones and our bodies are stressed because of the added pesticides and  herbicides and other sh#! that’s hard to digest  

I mean what’s really the cause?
There’s more kids with disabilities today than there ever was  
I say it’s because like the story is told in the verses, that knowledge is increasing in man and the result is not what He purposed. 

Pink Slime and Pesticides..We’re eating stuff that’s been chemically grown inside…and chickens bigger than my thighs

Details | Couplet | |


They're funny, the noodles,
if they are not oodles.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Limerick | |

Frosted Flakes Tony says They're Great

Do you know the self-control that it takes,
To only eat one bowl of Frosted Flakes?
To eat the box is my goal,
So I’ll use a mixing bowl,
And pour on the milk like it comes in lakes.

Details | Rhyme | |


Checking the lights on the dashboard when they flash and stay red:
it's the oil that needs to be changed or the engine that requires
maintenance, and in frigid temperatures who would venture outside and get frostbites?
A car is a necessity, a commodity and besides daily pleasure, it may cost a lot indeed.

Running to the grocery store through the backdoor when milk is low,
and guests wait for a fresh coffee pot and you put on a face not so mellow,
and much worse when you forget the roast in the oven...the bird you admire, 
and smoke fills your just dial 911 and scream, " My house in on fire! "

But the worst one that can send you into havoc...
when the mean kid down the block throws a rock
and your window shatters and the cat flees with the swiftest animal beat,
but the dog gets vicious and runs after him by exposing his sharp teeth. 

Ever forgot to send your mom a Christmas or Easter card?
She'll call you the same day knowing that the Post office won't deliver,
and what her voice will sound like? Soft or harsh, or angry as a bard? 
I can imagine the words she will say, " Have you forgotten something, dear? "

These are just few of them that can drive you crazy like wild kids who love to fight
and make you head spin and ache until you sit down and take a break by a lamplight,  
" Ouch!" You got burned from the splashing water while draining your steamy pasta...
you complain,"It's overcooked and not al dente!" And like mother you exclaim,"Basta!"

* The word "Basta" in Italian means " It's enough "

Details | Sonnet | |

Have A Sardine

Have a Sardine? :

Oh how I love to eat sardines?
Just the thought makes my face turn puce!
Gas in my tummy, they induce.
They don't go that well with baked beans.

Sandwiches made with these morsels.
Can only eat two at a time;
taken with a bit of fresh lime.
Some people eat them with mussels.

The thought of these will make some puke!
Keep it away, he will rebuke!
The smell enough to make him sneeze,
the sight of which will make him wheeze!

Put one in the microwave and nuke.
He said: "Oh my God, this is Yuke."

Steven Beesley (c) 2005-10-03

A sonnet that uses the redondilla form as a base. Each line has 8 syllables and the rhyme scheme may be abba cddc eeff ee or abba abba ccdd cc. It is also known as the Redondilla sonnet, the Napoleonic sonnet, or the Sonondilla. 

Details | Limerick | |

He's In A Pickle

I gave my love a sour pickle
His eyeballs then started to trickle
Puckered up was his mouth
And his tongue had gone south
To see him so gave me a tickle!

**for Pickles &Tickles  limerick contest
sponsored by (Destroyer ((Poet

Details | Haiku | |

sugar plumpling

“sugar plumpling”
dieting again—
no chocolate hearts

© February 14, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Details | Free verse | |

Moving up the food chain

We were vegan
with a brain smaller
than a peanut
and then we started eating
our brain got larger
we became higher primates
moving up the food chain
larger brain
smarter men
bigger hearts
higher blood pressure
and now
we moved back
to green
forget the red meat
to the trees
and to grass fields
became vegan again
up and down
the food chain
hopefully the brain
stays the same...

Details | Rhyme | |

Poetry About Poetry

Shades of color bounce within
Singing their hues dancing in place
Vivid lines colored outside
Rules broken with empty space
A midnights dream heard and seen
Gleaming from the twinkle of a eye
Wings touched flown and plucked
Gliding like a bird up in the sky
Wishes from pennies thrown into tears
The reservoir over flowing with pigments of pain
Drowning from the shadows 
The flood paints the day
Words speak volumes of silence hidden
Their sounds blind to what they see
Mirrors of nouns and verbs 
Their meaning and secrets lost at sea
Emotions ruled by laws of language
Spelled in boxes of glass
Melted from sands inside
That voices strangle to grasp

Details | Light Poetry | |

Revelry of the Glutton

There’s a drumstick in the refrigerator and it’s calling out my name, There’s some biscuits and gravy next to it and they are doing just the same. How do they know me and what is it that they want me to do? Do they really think that I can devour them any better than you? Have my talents at culinary consumption reached such a peak, That the food now requests some quality time nestled in my cheek? With prestidigitation the food will disappear from my plate, By slight of hand I’ll fill my mouth and then I’ll masticate. I'm the best one to contact when there’s food around to swallow? I don’t want to brag but I’ve never left the table feeling hollow. Come to me you leftover foods allow me to fill your destiny, For I alone can make you happy while you digest in me.

Details | Cowboy | |


our,that we have..
these are our tools..weapons..instruments
and we just want to live..
put into a situation in wich we did not choose our roles..
some of us are the fans and the royalty
they watch people like me do what needs to be done...
people like me..we just want to live
so we use our weapons and do what we have to..
we didnt choose for it to be like this..
we watch the fortunate  crowd the seats of this coliseum called life..
and they watch us jump back and forth through shades of color..
they judge us...
but we just want to live

Details | Rhyme | |

No Soup For You

People loved my soup but they hated me.
Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi.
I was strict with people and they feared me because I'm scary.
I scream my head off, that's why I've never been able to marry.
Everybody knew something that was certainly true.
When people pissed me off, I yelled "No soup for you!"
I refused to sell soup to a woman for kissing her boyfriend while standing in line.
My rules were going to be obeyed, I don't care that enforcing them was unkind.
I refused to sell soup to a bald man because he wanted free bread.
When a woman found my recipes in my armoire, I wanted to be dead.
Just because I treated her like dirt, she published them and put me out of business.
I had to close my restaurant and return to Argentina, my life truly is a mess.
I demanded discipline, breaking my rules was what I didn't allow.
I will one day return to America and slaughter Elaine like a cow!

(This poem was inspired by a Seinfeld episode.)

Details | Haiku | |

Neapolitan Solution

I could never choose After some serious thought Flavor trifecta!

Details | Shape | |

' Scents ... (or Tea - Baby) '

S                                      S
          I So, Love  The  Scent,  of A Fresh, Cup Of  Tea
         Like,  I  Love The Smell, of  A  Fresh-Bathed Baby
         Both,  Are So Very Delicate, Soothing &        Sweet
         Both,  Are  A Unique, Fragile-Moment       Complete
         And  With  Rose  Petals  and  Soft  Lavender Scents
         And Apple-Blossoms, Honey and Fresh Peppermint
          All  Come In Lotions Or Talc-Powder  For Baby
           And In My Teacup, These Aromas Are Tasty
            I So Love The Scent of Steeped-Leaf Tea
               And A Fresh -Bathed, Gurgling Baby
                Come, Sip A Cup  of Tea With Me
                   While I Hold & Sniff The Baby

Details | Limerick | |


Mario had an urge for pizza,
he couldn't find any in Nizza;
flour, water and salt
he mixed looking South...
then screamed, " Hey, Lollobrigida! "

Details | Free verse | |

Supermarket Daze


Gross overweight    reflections

gleam off stainless steal

 bins, filled with frozen TV dinners.

Obese mothers Jam

peppermint suckers down

 children’s tearful mouths

-temporary peace.

Hamburger helper, pepsi-lite

National Inquirer  , Rovers dog food

-frantic search for penny full bargains.

Torn pantyhose

wheel aisle after aisle.

 mountains of pot pies, ice cream, potato chips, red chips, blue chips 

freeido chips

Must hurry.

Get more. 

Get more of  those treats 

need  more meat .

Shopping daze fever

cart wheel out the street.

Details | Dramatic monologue | |


....simply beautiful... it is of beauty to simply write such love letters of poetry, letters joining hands within a sky of words setting a background, upon the "Sea", setting sail.. within a wordsong, as playing winds, just swirl around beautifully of air, that blows a kiss to an angeled choir to sing in perfect key, life, the spice, the scented beauty of a rose in full bloom, the scented beauty of a heart beat, beating in time, with rhyme being so kind hearted and true blue of the deep.

Details | Free verse | |

Sacred Passage

God of light conquer my fear from within

An eclipse of the sun has tainted my inner vision
Who are we to have believed yet achieved
Some are even caught in its pickle;
Stranded as two love birds caught in a fickle

Sacred Passage
The uniting of two hearts so far away we will pray
God of heaven take delight on my poetry
Look highly favorable amidst the summoned truth

Like a lost carriage we take our flight away

Far from the lost brevity in exchange of honesty
The silence has etched its memory in our brains
Shattered by the moment of upheaval and then,
Sacred Passage;

We look humbly then often deeper then ever before

In exchange of honesty its just Studio 54?

Details | Verse | |

The Thieving Thief

WHO would do such a dastardly deed WHAT kind of mysterious monster WHEN did he plan such a pernicious plot WHERE did he go with the glorious goodies WHY oh why did he steal my pie ? I ask you...WHY? Why steal my pie? ....Whatever......

Details | Tanka | |

A Battle Rages

A battle rages
between beans and broccoli.
Sadly, no winner
emerges from this dark fog.
Perhaps I will blame the dog.

Details | Free verse | |

Avocado - a true story

     Avocado -  a true story

It’s green
Not Martian
Avocado fell from high
Perhaps the sky
Or margins thereabouts
More exact
A tree or branch released it down
And found my wife
Nearly took her life
Her eye was hit directly
With bump…. then lump
Untold un-pleasantries of course were hers
She did not cry
But made a side dish of revenge
With proper justice served
Guacamole anyone?!

Details | Rhyme | |

The Royal Wedding Cake

When William spied his lovely bride,
he did a double take,
but his mind was caught in delicious thoughts 
of the six foot wedding cake.

Kate looked good like a duchess should
but he felt his stomach rumble,
with dreams of mounds of buttercream,
under English toffee crumble.

William is wise and it was no surprise 
he vowed not to forsake
but he rushed his lines so he wouldn’t miss 
his tea and biscuit break.

Kate so fit, would have none of it
nor allow him  to partake,
she couldn’t bare seeing her royal  heir
up to his ass in cake.

Kate looked alright on their wedding night
she was glad to be his wife,
William couldn't ignore what he’d waited for
He grabbed himself a knife.

It didn’t cut through then William knew
he’d made a big mistake,
he might have known
it was Styrofoam
the royal cake was fake!


Details | Free verse | |

Always Been Crazy

Always been crazy, dizzy even, for gumdrops, hankering iced jellyrolls. Keen longing makes nougat outlandishly pleasing. Quick! Relish stimulating temptation until vigorous willpower Xs yummy's zaniness.
Wrote this ABC..... poem for the recent contest, but by the time I got there, the contest was gone, dang! Hope you enjoy it anyway... I sure did enjoy writing it!

Details | Haiku | |

night appearing slug

                                                  night appearing slug
                                           slimey creature on cat's plate..
                                                    one drop jelly left

Details | I do not know? | |


Who cares about table manners? Why do you have to have any?
I think being mannerless makes you a better person than many.
Why can’t you hold your fork in the other hand?
And bang your spoon on the glass? I just don’t understand.
What’s all the scandal about using your knife to eat peas?
The peas taste the same – why can’t you do as you please?
Why do you have to spread a clean napkin out?
To get it all dirty and have it cleaned again, no doubt.
It’s just the sort of rule a stuffy grown-up makes up,
To give us all a bad time, instead of pleasure, while we sup. 
Why can’t you slurp your soup and splash it all around?
I think slurping and splashing make rather a nice sound.
They block all the snobbish conversation out,
And give you something to be delighted about.
Why do you have to eat with your mouth shut tight?
And chew every bit of food thirty times day and night?
It just gives you jaw ache, nothing happens to the food!
Once I chewed just fifteen times, and boy, did it feel good!
Why can’t you talk when you’re eating, tell me,
We’ve been blessed with a voice box, haven’t we?
Why does burping or belching nearly give everyone a fit?
It just shows you’re enjoying your food, doesn’t it?
When you get up, why do you have to say, “Excuse me”?
You don’t need to make excuses for washing your hands, you see.
You’re supposed to enjoy what you eat,
Not act like you’ve got cold clammy feet.
How can you really feel the taste,
If you’ve got to sit still like your pants are full of paste?
Table manners were surely invented by someone
Who wanted us kids to stop having fun.
It’s probably a kind of training to turn us boring too,
A crash course in becoming an adult, something our parents went through!
To turn us dull and uninteresting, decidedly stuffy,
Imposing and conceited, haughty and huffy.
So come on, start rebelling! What are you waiting for?
Gulp your water, start food fights, have an ice cream war!
Forget about rules; bend every law that can be bent,
Life’s too short, so start an eternal trend!
But even then you’ll probably be well and truly grounded,
And your lifelong punishment will definitely be sounded.
It’s a way of the world, so you can’t make a fuss,
But eventually table manners will get the better of us.
So have a grand time till you’re grown up for good, 
And then remember not to throw about your food.
Some people like being clean, even if they are few,
But don’t let table manners triumph over you!

Details | Rhyme | |


Lately, the weather has dropped drastically,
and Fall holds up serenely and beautifully;
green trees so stately gently fluctuate 
against a sky of transparent blue as hummingbirds make plans to migrate,
but the downy woodpeckers interrupt their chat
with their unbearable drumming that disturbs their peace with intent. 

Summer in New York State has been humid and stormy,
temperatures rose above a hundred degrees as pavements smoked,
sprinklers in streets made children happy as they were being soaked...
so very thankful to live in a rich country offering such a commodity;
adversely, a water shortage caused drought in the South allowing tragedy
as gasoline and food prices soared and spouses couldn't pay alimony.

Hot summers predict cold winters, and we await a harsh winter...
stock up on shovels and salt, keep your driveway and sidewalk snow-and-ice-free;
will you get help from your kids when snow falls...having you think of electric bills?
No, let them play and have fun...their blood is hot and they feel no chills!
And should you think of joining them, drop your shovel as if stung by a bee! 
Which other way is there to endure the wintry weather living as an Alaska bear? 

Details | Rhyme | |


I am not certain how much I can take
Concerning the arguement over cheescake.
One might wonder what there is to debate,
Because it's so good; in fact, it is great!

The arguement lies in the righness of name;
As "cheesecake", the dessert has risen in fame.
And if it has been frozen instead of baked,
Is it a custard, or is it a cake?

Such a difference might seem petty to some,
But it's akin to the difference between beer and rum!
How would you like to be called by some other name?
Is it possible that cheesecake might feel the same?

For what if it was not a cake at all?
Who was the person who had the gall
To coin the name "cheesecake", or rather why
Did he call it a cake instead of a pie?

Of course, what it's called, matters not in the end;
Both cakes and pies will be eaten.
Then why does this arguement matter so?
To tell you the truth, I don't really know.

Details | Limerick | |

My Favorite Dish

Liver and onions make me smile,

But, others believe it is vile.

It's my favorite dish.

With tators, it's quite delish.

Unless you have the tastes of a child.

For the favorite dish contest.

Details | Haiku | |

foodku 1

corn kernels applaud
over a circle of flames
metal mushroom bloom

Details | Limerick | |

Boy Am I Hungry

Battle of the bulge
From greesy foods love to divulge
Over lips and through the gums
Love handles now do come
When will I learn not to indulge

Details | Sonnet | |

Thursday Sonnet

We should eat turkey once a week
And not just once a year.
I'd eat ev'ry part (but not the beak)
And wash it down with beer.

Thursday's the day that I propose
We eat this weekly feast.
Because as far as events go,
Poor Thursday has the least.

Lethargic Fridays would be implied,
(You'd need a day to recover.)
Thanksgiving would fall right in stride
So whaddaya say, turkey lover?

How do we make it official? I don't know what the laws be.
Thursday needed a lift ever since the last episode of Cosby.

Details | Free verse | |


Shades of pine grafted in again resign
Shattered pine in elm certain grove alone
My meadow had a thorn certain credit
The factual harm of its heartless swarm
Featured within in the created design with pine
Eyes sharpened as a willow in garb
The tornado sequence has even the fog alone
Again tempors fly like never before
Blatant lies have come at no surprise
In parts unknown an aura of repute to harm 
Sound the alarm in fetters arm
Choirs of saints in regard to its beckoning drawn
Empire strain inside my brain fragments of cure
The surface of the sun has tainted my vision with harm
Sound the alarm agiain my faithful friend by whom we can depend
Shattered glass on the parchment floor
An impulse deep in regards to the heart
Shades of pine will line the volume of scattered pillows
A willow in derision you made a final decision
A thought provokoing reason to believe in
Shattered memory's in the moments of innocence with a plight of disbelief
We have soon turned over a brand new leaf
Timeless peaks in a swelll shattered fragments from within
A great design still sublime in its timeless parts the heart
Jim Morrison had it
Janis Joplin couldn't stop it
Jimi Hendrix sought this quick fix
An unbellievable call being caught in the mix!

Details | Free verse | |

walk away

If I told you that I cry when we argue
You'd probably say its time for you to leave
You'd say I care to much and I want more
Than what you can give me.
But I'm not asking for anything.
I just want you near me.
I want to be honest 
But you have to stop
Threatening to walk away
If you were gonna walk
Away you wouldn't have let me stay
Something in both of us is not finished yet
I don't know how long this will last
All I know is that I'm not done yet.

Details | Limerick | |

The Bakers Brekky

The bakers brekky, was quite the tasty meal.
Eggs, crumpets, and tea plus butter was ideal.
Porridge when it’s brisky,
Cider quaffed so frisky,
Likes his crumpet crispy; brekky glut with zeal.
(And his gut he surely feeled.)

Details | Limerick | |

My Favotite Dish

I once met a girl from Niagara   
who made a great pate de foi gras
with fatty goose liver
and truffles, a sliver; 
and a whole spoonful of Viagara.  

Entered in David Williams' contest, 
'My Favorite Dish' for February 12, 2012.

Details | Light Poetry | |

the Curry man from trinidad

 I leave my home in Trinidad
 And I come to live in America
 And now I working at Kmart
 Whole day at a cash register

 But I do have a lot of problems
 Every time I get hungry to eat
 all it has is a bunch of junk food
 Or bread with some artificial meat

 So I decide to take all my money
 And invested it in a food van
 Is about time I introduce to America
 The tasty cooking of we Trinidadian

 And I though for the first few days 
 That business will be real slow
 Boy, but I was so wrong
 now I see people line up for so

 So I open up with trini breakfast
 Smoke herring with tomato and roti
 Baggi, Pumpkin, baigan and aloo 
 Fried bodi ,doubles and fever grass tea

 It’s the first time they tasting Doubles 
 The chutney burning some of them nose
 One guy look like he from Russia
 Drop some curry channa on his cloths

 I get all the recipes from my brother
“naz cuisine” The best food in Trinidad’
Some people start complimenting
 Saying, it’s the best they ever had

 A white man faced turns red
 Eating the double with plenty pepper
 But he says how he likes it
 It has a very nice flavor

 And For lunch I roll out the big guns
 All different kind of talkari
 Goat, duck chicken and fish
 Bake and shark, bush up shut and dhalpurrie

 Two Puerto Rican girls
 One looks like Mariah Carey
 They order dhal, rice, and goat meat
 Saying how they love the curry

 And every body line up
 They love the curry real bad
 And every body talking about the curry
 the curry man from Trinidad

 From my stove comes hot roti
 Tomato choka and fry plantain
 Since morning people line up
 Waiting for the Trinidad cooking

 And now is evening everything sells out
 I didn’t even keep one roti for me 
 And now I feel real hungry
 So I guess I will buy a bucket of KFC

Details | Free verse | |

The Affair

I carry one in my pocket for moments like this
For in her delight I truly will find bliss
Unwrapping  content I now slip thereon
I long for her sensuousness
Thus we two become decadent and sinful
Her melting is my excite
As orgasmic taste buds ooze with delight
I moan and savior her giving in to this affair
Eyes now crossed I come forth with a trimble
Oh- sweet chocolate 
I love you! 

Details | Couplet | |

Leave Me With My Peanut Butter

Parsnips say I, oh please try them, do,
For Parsnips are so good for you!
But no, you just won’t try them, will you.
Instead, you stomp and cry and stew.

You’d rather waste your time with lettuce.
Fine for you, but please don’t tell us,
That what we need is more brown rice.
I think you’re just not very nice.

So off I go to eat with Martin.
He loves his pintos and just keeps fartin’
For taste is simply a personal matter
So, instead, I’ll just throw my parsnips at her.

Your lettuce wilts and rice gets sticky.
Oh, my, the food you like is icky.
So here I sit alone to stutter…
Please go and leave me with my peanut butter!

Or even my nice sweet chocolate bar.
To get it I would travel far,
Beyond the endless bars of salad.
So ends this trite but tasty ballad.

Details | Free verse | |

Kings Queens

Those who claim to be in the know?

These are the one's on sifted sand,
Through days filled with both anger & pain
When will we understand?
When quaint desolation sets in;

Kings & Queens of the Earth...

On a vast pilgrimage in truth;
We then make plans for tomorrow amidst the given sorrow
Yet one can so easily see...
Through a lone blade of grass to flee

To then react in bitter torn silence

In solemn vows yet taken amidst
Shades of grass yet torn asunder
Some even bother to kiss?
That very day they were actually born

Let us continue to be kind today

Amidst a broadened populace that has simply gone astray
To stay attached as fruit is on the vine
A mighty path created by a great design
Through inner pain & misery;

Although amidst divers path drifting as in mockery

Kings & queens of the Earth,
Now is the time to stop lifting up your skirt!

Details | Rhyme | |


" The oven is set on three hundred and fifty degrees;
the box of the Pillsbury Yellow cake is still unopened, for George's sake,
the kids are in the living room munching on cheese,
who's going to make the perfect batter for Ricky's birthday cake? "

" If no one volunteers, turn off your iPods and put them away
and come to the kitchen to give a hand...isn't it somebody's birthday? 
It would be nice to see one use the mixer, the other greasing the pan...
how many of your friends have you invited? I hope not more than ten! "

And giggling they exchange words, thinking I don't hear their whispering; 
I was a teen once and know how they think, but today they won't be laughing!
Hurry, bake the yellow cake...we have only two hours left, they'll be coming soon!
" Mary set the table, everything must look fantastic! No, don't lick the spoon!  

The door suddenly opens...twenty five teens come into view and say, " Surprise! "
Hundred of small balloons are released from their hands...their thrill rises.
" Good Heavens! Who are these kids with faces painted like circus clowns? "
Have you asked them to attend this party? Where are the real guests? "

Silence filled the aroma-filled kitchen as they looked downward with embarrassment,
" Are they here to crush your birthday party, Ricky...if they are they will get
a taste of my dough roller right now! " No, mom...they want to throw my birthday cake into my face! " " Have they told you so? Wait here, Ricky...I'll think of a trick."

" Hi, cuties...are you ready to have a cake fight? " Yeah, " was their answer.
" Let's do you want to hear a big mommy's laughter when your eyes will burn? " 
The smallest one in the group yelled, " The birthday cake had better taste good
or your red face will turn yellow! " " Little rascal, you'll churn like butter! "

In a second the whole house became a battleground... they hurled cupcakes,
cookies and candies, but they had forgotten about the cake in the oven.
Smoke came out of their ears and noses... mom laughed when they ran
outside as if they had seen a real ghost, " Run for your lives before my dog attacks! "  

Details | Triolet | |

Sloppy Brain Sandwich

Salami, Pastrami; or Provolone,
" Oh , Pepperoni, I Don't Know."
A Cream~Cheese Delight Disaster
Knowing My Mind Has Just Went,
Bubble~Gum. Dog gone it!!!

Details | ABC | |



Come & taste my delectable cuisine
That tickles your senses you know what I mean
A palatable pleasure that teases & excites
This is my doing my connoisseurs delight

One taste a smell you're already hooked
Trust me my food never gets overlooked

A bite just a nibble craving for more
Once the word is spread they'll be cues at my door

Ready steady cook or come dine with me
To impress the masses I do so easily

A clove of garlic black pepper a shake
I could impress royalty with the food that I make

A natural flair I have & I love to create
I know it's not hard for one to appreciate
Yes give credit where credit is due
Hmmm methinks I'll have fish tonight dessert apple stew

Anyways that's enough of my idle boast
Salmon pate seems nice I'll have mine on toast

I actually have a gift with the rhyming  thing to
Come try my coq au vin delve into my vin da loo

From curried chicken to a tuna bake pasta
  Just like Levi Roots I'm one talented black brother

Da Predman powriginalpoems2makeu:)
The Urban Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Born Again Mary!

Chef Mary serves vegetable patties
cause she knows they don't have any Daddies!
She the vegan Queen
of the San Fran scene
for no meat does her store front carry!

Details | Free verse | |


Anguish taunts through a barbed wire fence with edged grasp

Actions in which human beings rebel against a holy God
Miss their purpose for their lives
Surrender to the prince of the power of the air more then God
Cause  all of their deeds were evil!

An eclipse of the sun had tainted my inner vision
Push back the pain with radiant guide
Does this notion in thought come at any big surprise?

Weak willed tyrants from the flood of dispinsation
Shattered fragments loosed in gloom climatic abrasion
Parts unknown from the setting of the sun

Leading gullible women captive under the false cloak of compromise
Abortion on demand
When will they ever understand?

Blood shed in our streets
Evil tyrants from elected officials overly prideful taunt & pull!
We each our responsible for our actions before a holy God

Details | Burlesque | |

Give Me

Give me creamy custard cakes,
cholesterol in all my veins.
Make me pastry puffs with filling,
icing oozing, splashing, spilling!
Nothing healthy, light or half,
nothing diet, don't hold back!
Tasty, succulent and full,
make me swoon and eyeballs roll.
I can take a stomache ache,
the consequences are ok.
'Cause I just ran 3 miles today..

so give me treats and get out of the way!

Details | Haiku | |

Ripe Muscadines


                                     Ambrosial essence
                                 To the eyes nose palate...
                                 Deers jump six foot fence

Details | Rhyme | |


He was a shabby, mean, mouthy and nasty boy
chasing after cats dragging along his buddy Mccoy;
and they both were slim and handsome but laughed a lot
when they ate corned beef and cabbage from a large pot.

" Keith, don't forget to feed the cats,
I've bought another bag from the supermarket,
and please don't eat their food...they aren't biscuits! "
" Okay, mom I'll feed them and won't forget. "

Everyone in the neighborhood considered them evil,
Irene, the red-headed gal, called them hoodlums;
the elderly locked their doors saying, " Go to hell! "
The town had become an armory of brooms. 

Their aunt Agata used to say, " They were such nice boys in their teens,
now they hunt cats uphill and cage them as tigers and feed them frogs and weeds;   
" Enough, enough scoundrels...I'll hit you with my long broom from left to right
even when you tie the knot in that church with a beautiful, naive bride! "

" Uh, uh!" The cat hunters replied with a defiant, boorish frown,
" Try to chase us,'ll never catch us, we dare you to race! "
" Stop, pretty are going to get Frankenstein's ugly face! "
They replied, " Go ahead! Go ahead! He was too big to run! "

All the kids that disliked them placed bananas peels all over the road leading to Kill,
and as they tried to flee from aunt Agata, they fell on them and went downhill....
hitting their faces on pine needles that poked deep and made them bleed;
" I got you, rascals," she happily screamed..." Now, say your sorry creed! "    

Details | Couplet | |


How blessed I am that you are in my life
Not a day goes by when I do not think of you
You make everything alright
To you I do not have to prove myself
For you know me
I love you

How blessed I am that you are in my life
How honoured I am to be a part of yours
Memories made and shared
With you the one I love
My friend, my lover, my queen
'Til the end

Details | Free verse | |


Roses are red,
Violets are pleasant.
You're getting a cookie 
Instead of a present.

Details | Ode | |

Ode to the Cheese Crispito

Although we all know it,
you can't spell out perfection,
and our stomachs to it we commit,
under our seasoned inspection,
the smell is in the air,
so thick we can almos taste its glory,
O how we try to not stare,
and like a wolf with its quarry,
we leap at it with great joy,
the texture O so splendid,
unmatchable by any false decoy,
the only thing we ever did,
was eat the Crispito.

Details | Rhyme | |

Weight Watchers

Sweet potatoes baked

or plantains fried, 

take your pick.

Caribbean treats

delectable and sweet, 

one puts more weight 

on the thighs!

Details | Quatrain | |

Black-eyed Peas and Hog Jowl

Black-eyed peas and hog jowl
That's what my grandma said.
Ham or bacon, but never foul.
And don't forget cornbread.

People up North may eat sauerkraut.
But in the South we eat collard greens.
The young and old, without a doubt
Know what this lucky meal means.

The more beans you eat
The more luck and good cheer,
A 365 bean gastric-atomic feat…
Tooting beans we all welcome the year.

Each in the family fully stuffing his face,
The well wishes soon squeak their way out.
Some of us eat at a very fast pace.
Then, “Happy New Year and Good Luck!” we all shout.

© January 5, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Written for the Poetry Soup Member Contest:  Good Luck Meal 
Sponsored by Russell Sivey

Details | Light Poetry | |

the joys of a slimming club

They promise it is personal
No –one knows your weight
You step trembling on the scales
To hear the awful fate

You’ve put a kilo on she says
With a bell on every tooth
Been a naughty girl have we
We had better take a look

You sit around her on your chair
Waiting for the truth to emerge
You clap the clever ones who lost weight
For you  it will be a dirge

Now then come on admit it
What have we had naughty this week
She goes through your eating list
Me I can hardly speak

Ahh here it is she says triumphantly
You dared to eat some duck
With orange sauce I do not doubt
Geez I thought just my luck

No I said it was the bananas
In milk shake everyday
Cos I had tonsillitis
I just about could say

Just like a child at christmas
I promised to be good
Losing some kilos next week
Just better forget about food.

Details | Couplet | |

Invisible's Invincibility

I am an invisible man.
Try and see me if you can.

Shy and quiet I remain alone.
Silent is my voice’s tone

No one can feel my pain and sorrow
As I hide inside of my burrow. 

Shadows consume my body and soul
As I embrace the misty cold. 

The reason for my unseen being
Lies in the fact I hate being seen.

This life and existence’s of my own choice
And I choose not to have a voice.

I am silent. Invisible. Inexistent.
Yet I am invincible, an immortal being

Details | Light Poetry | |

Treasure Trove

We laughed so long and so loud
Our only witnesses were the clouds
You jumped up and shouted, Yes!
That was you, at your best

We thought you had snagged a bass
It could have been a whale
That brim was so tiny
In unison, we all fell

Thinking back on that time
Finding this beautiful treasure trove
Good thing we caught four brims today
We can now fire up the stove

Adrienne L. Gresham

Details | Senryu | |

Pop Culture

RC ain’t Rite.
It’s not The Real Thing.

Coke is.

Details | Rhyme | |

My Carrot

I love the orange coloured skin 
My carrot has to tempt my eyes 
I love the crunchieness within 
Which with my teeth I realise 

I munch, I chew, I taste the juice 
The sweetness of the central core 
Willingly I let seduce 
This vegetable, this paramour. 

There is no finer time than this 
A summer's sunset in a field 
A carrot slowly chewed is bliss 
My soul is calm, my stomach filled.

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Ice Cream Delight!

National Ice Cream Day    July 15th

Benjamin Franklin was the very one.
In the year of 1771.
While in France dessert did come.

What is this wonderful delight!?
"Ice cream dear sir,
I hope you like."

With quill and ink
And much insight.
He acquired the recipe that night.

And sent it back across the sea.
To share Ice Cram
With you and me!

Details | Senryu | |

dine out 'pon good food

dine out 'pon good food salad soup entre' dessert chocolate molten cake getting dressed for date all my pants shrunk at cleaners lie down to zip up
Sponsor: Michael J. Falotico Contest: "What Makes You Smile, What Makes You Frown"

Details | Burlesque | |

What's For Dinner?

There's ketchup in my veins,
Onions for my eyes,
Lettuce instead of brains
Makes me less than wise

Stringbeans for legs,
Cauliflower ears,
Pistachios for muscles,
Greener than Irish beers

Feet than seem like melons,
Hands like baked pork chops,
Hair like thin spaghetti
Tears like lemon-drops

I try to avoid dogs,
They seem to follow me,
Eager to take a bite
Lunch is what they see

I stay out of restaurants
Where chefs approach too close
All they see is a new recipe
A brand new type of roast

My neighbors are all cannibals
They invite me over to dine
They look at me hungrily
And try to match a wine

Seems I am the main course
Humongous pots they own
Boiling water and vegetable
They mix with greatest glee
Ask me if I'd like a warm bath
But now I began to see
Them licking their lips
In eager anticipation of my offered "bath"
It started getting easier
For me to do the math...

I put two and two together
And I was Sunday lunch,
This I was fairly sure of,
Seemed more than just a hunch

I said I couldn't join them,
I had a poisonous rash
Saw my opportunity,
And made my fastest dash

Now I order home delivery
Get my groceries through
a large slot in the door,
And as far as dining out
is concerned,
I'll never do no more.

Details | Acrostic | |

Nepolean Ice-Cream NewsLetter

Three flavors, take the sensation joyride and mystify A brain*freeze. It's mind*blowing wait n' see; I won't disappoint you, taste your rainbow and devour It's pleassure. 

Chocolate: Pulses the master shake down, Pouring on the sauce, loosing all self-control
As it takes the spoon to engage out rageious behavior..... melting away through the mystical pathway of Retrieving it's self to get to the next flavor. Cause Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, You Never Know What You Going To Get, Til It Smacks you Reesesly  Stupid.

Vanilla: Meattled in Plain ol' people being stupid, but sometimes crazy~stupid is fun! Stupid is as stupid does Forrest*Gump once said. So don't justify any action.. Just indulge face first.

..And then there's strawberry: The snapp back to reality,topped off with A little whip~cream n' cherry stem! A satisfaction guarantee to full`fill your appetite... "you can count on that."

Ice~cream; ice~cream, we all scream for ice~cream. Hurray! Hurray!! We all scream for ice~cream.... Read all about it in the up*coming newsletter... Hurrah.. Hurrah... The End.

Details | Couplet | |

Fruitcake Oh No

(Rhyming Couplets) Fruitcake, oh no! I don't like. I'd rather give it to Mike. Fruitcake tastes to me more than bad. If you send me one I'd get very mad. Fruitcakes are not really fun you see. So please don't send one to me. Fruitcakes tastes like a nasty piece of rubber Just thinking of them makes me shout and shudder. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2012 September,24,2014

Details | Narrative | |


...this is so intimate of time, as a first kiss of time close of soul, so near, so dear of heart beat, so precious a rhyme that flows so intimately,
deep of time, down by the Crystal Seas...
...this is so intimate of dreams,
dreaming reality,
as the Crystal Sea so reveals of destinies galore,
destined as the night light of the moon-glows of starry eyes,
upon the waters,
...seeing tranquility upon the waves...
watching to the depth of a dream,
and a sun-rise
being so true...
for underneath and within this a moon-lit poem of starry night eyes, down by the Crystal Seas, a vessel sets sail upon the deep...into a kiss of dawn...
Sea to shinning Sea.

Details | Blank verse | |

By The Ocean's Edge

I sit by the ocean’s edge, regarding the 3 shades of blue before me.
As I watch, a reverse cascade bursts to the sky. A low wale and a splash. Gone.
Dolphins, their laughter adorable at the least, bound into the air, only to dive back seconds later. 
Looking over, I see the wise cranes, jumping and bopping to a tune I cannot hear. 
Gulls high above shout greetings to me and their fellows. 
The sun, radiating it’s warmth unto my skin, bright and bold.

This is paradise. But not my paradise. 

…There has to be lemonade. 
Then, and only then, will this be my paradise.

Details | Nonet | |

A Toddler's Malediction(backwards nonet)

Box of 
Cookies, way
Up on the shelf
All I can do is
Stare at you, it saddens
me, for i am too small to
Reach you, For I am a toddler 
Who has yet to learn to walk and talk.

I think its pretty funny.....
it is what we all think of toddlers

Details | Limerick | |

Lean Times

Lean Times
When times are lean and mean I have to conserve
I rely on pocket change in reserve
Like pennies, dimes and quarters
Times like these I might loiter
Anything to fill my tank and preserve

Details | Limerick | |


There once was a couple named Kelly
Who called their young daughter, Sweet Nellie.
And why was she so sweet?
Because all she would eat
Was just peanut butter and jelly.

Details | I do not know? | |

It's Turkey Time

Bow your head and pray
Today's Thanksgiving day.

Poor turkey felt the axe
Bet he's sorry he ever hatched.

Mashed potatoes, gravy, yams
Consume mass quantities (But never ham)

Eat real fast and clean your plate
Soon you'll have a tummy ache.

Belch and moan and pop your zipper
'Hey hon, where's the Alka Seltzer?'

Details | Rhyme | |


What makes me get up
is the strongest coffee cup,
and the enthusiasm to live a full day:
either indoor to write, or outside to play.

Watching movies is fun, but laziness stores fat in my belly,
sitting on the coach, eating potato chips and drinking cola;
junk food won't harm my body if used moderately...
is there a sunnier, warmer place than California?

What wakes me up is the noise of a robin
tapping on my foggy window with his tiny beak;
if he's hungry, he'll flap...if he stands still, it means it'll rain,
hoping I'll invite him in and warble another tune he learned down the creek.

Vacations are far away, late July on my calendar of active man...
choose North or South, snow or sunshine?
Go skiing, or play gulf all day then dine
at the nearest restaurant, but my choice would be zesty Italian.

Isn't my lifestyle exciting and busy, not envying the rich,
or resent the luxuries they can afford along with caviar and champagne?
My pleasures are simple and inexpensive, like the sandiest beach...
you can come along and experience the thrill of an enjoyable day in slow lane.

Details | Free verse | |


Enough of soap opera, 
of Erica and her sexiness; 
let me watch the Yankee game,
let me see their sweat; let me feel
their rivalry and hear their triumph! 
If you girls, don't switch channel,
this dish is coming down soon!
Your brothers and friends
will barge in any minute
with  beers and a six foot
hero to last all evening:
it's a guy thing...we must drink, jump,
shout, cheer and burp!
Still not if my presence 
were a ghost? Let me pull out
that plug and hear you scream! 
Go to the kitchen: chat or cook something!

Details | Haiku | |

county fair

cotton candy hands
home-made sugar waffles too
i love all fair food!

Details | Sonnet | |

Culinary Connivances

“This bitter, green fruit soaked in brine
is palatable, but I wish
to make the flavor more divine
by stuffing in some oily fish.”

“That thistle up there on the hill,
though spiny-sharp and armor-tough,
might prove to be delectable,
if it were just boiled enough.”

Who first made such discoveries?
Were they intended to be jokes – 
the olives stuffed with anchovies
and boiled hearts of artichokes?

Though I think they are delicious,
their origins seem pernicious.

Details | Rhyme | |

I'll Be

I'll be a monkey's knuckle,
Then maybe he'll be my uncle.

His aunt ate lice, ain't that nice!

I'll be the tallest tree I can find.
I'll be shade for those, be kind.

I'll be a lemon bush, crush
My tomatoes, don't you rush!

Slowly simmer me into sauce.
I'll be supper, you be the boss.

Then bossy I will be, in my tree -
Playing with my knuckled monkey.

Details | Limerick | |

No Shame

This girl all day long could drink tea
though I spend half my time going pee
too much info, I'm sure
I may have the cure
No shame in diaper wearing for me

Details | Haiku | |

Tortellini Tunes

Why have my guitar
strings turned into spaghetti?
What a saucy mess.

Details | Sonnet | |

Shall I Compare Thee

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more stormy and less temperate.
Rough winds do shake our fragile bonds of May,
And summer's temper hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot your sweat does shine,
And often is your beauty dimmed;
And every handsome man you do decline,
by chance, they leave chest hair untrimmed.

Part 2 Variation
Shall I compare thee to a winter’s day?
Thou art as stormy and as cold
And do leave me longing for May
And winter’s temper too long showed
Sometime too cold yours eyes shine GREY

Details | ABC | |

Your Restaurant Gave Me Diarrhea

I ate dinner last night and felt fine 
It was leftovers at 9 
The next day I decided to go out to eat 
I get a rumble in my stomach and begin to feel the heat 
What did i do wrong, ate out tonight 
Now I feel like a crazy bird in flight 
I feel the pressure as I am stuck in a traffic jam in my Kia 
Now I know your restaurant gave me diarrhea 
I make it to the toilet, I sit in the stall 
Plenty available at the Southern Hills Mall 
Too much salt, piss and vinegar 
I begin to feel dizzy, my sight begins to blur 
I am not in the jungle and I am not Sheena 
But facts are facts, your restaurant gave me diarrhea 
My business is finished, I wipe and leave 
I have a runny nose and blow it on my sleeve 
As I depart the john I leave behind a green smog 
The overall experience was too much for the toilet, it clogged 
Good thing there is employees at six dollars an hour 
I get home and take a shower 
Too busy to talk, so I will see ya 
Won't be another customer there, that restaurant gave me diarrhea  

Details | I do not know? | |

To harm that egg...

To harm that egg...just to crack it...
To see...past the shell...
What memories...what meals...
What was lost...what is born...
To think of how to fix...the trouble...
How many use...
And if any...can there be more...
The cost...the distance...
And if available...when...
Just to crack that egg...
Morning,Afternoon and into the night...
How many have slipped past your hands...
What dreams...can be made...
Can you really cook...
That is the first thing that would be said...
And to think of this the night before...
To know...
I'll get it in the morning...Or...
That no trouble at all...
Everything was perfect...
Except there no harm done to the eggs...
Just a memories...nothing...
You haven't been paid...

Details | Rhyme | |

It's Not A Chilly Dog

I'm so dumb that when I ordered a chili dog, I expected it to be chilly.
But when it was hot, I demanded a refund, I made myself look silly.
The Hot dog vendor said that thinking is not one of my strong points.
Back in the 1960s I guess that it was a bad idea to smoke those joints.
If chili dogs are hot, does that mean that hot dogs are cold?
Maybe I'm suffering from senility because I'm pretty damn old.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Rhyme | |

breakfast poem

love of butter,
in pancake fashion,
cooking with passion,
better cooked,
then eaten raw,
impatiance is,
my only flaw,
the aroma,
calls my name,
growling stomaches,
are to blame,
for the mess,
i've created,
my hunger though,
has been sated.

spelling mistakes and love.

Details | Free verse | |


Chilled Pinot Grigio and Chianti
on each side of the long table,
twenty seats for twenty guests;
Antipasto with zesty dressing...
colorful vegetables with chunks
of sharp provolone and hard salami...
to be served with crunchy bread,
the kind that grandmother used to bake.

Oh, wait the Creamy Alfredo with chicken and spinach
is steaming on a huge serving plate...what a work of art!
Oh, the aroma of the Parmesan cheese
fills the nostrils with the urge to start;
one by one, the well-dressed guests walk
into the dining room...who said they are guests?

It's family: grandpa, grandma, uncles, aunts and cousins!
we'll surely enjoy this Sunday dinner as last week.
What about dessert? Sweet pastries and chocolate Tiramisu
with a strong cup of espresso and a shot of Sanbuca Romana;
would you like to join us and meet the friendly chef Mario? 
There's plenty of food for everyone...Buon Appetito!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Man eating chicken

I once saw a man eating chicken
It was truly a hideous sight
It wasn’t quite what I expected
As I walked down the street late at night

I watched as the victim lay helpless
I stood in the lamplight alone
Rooted with fear by the sounds I could hear
While the flesh was ripped off of the bone

I took in the view there before me
Appalled by the thing’s I could see
As the huge hulking beast continued to feast
I feared the next victim was me

So soon the whole nightmare was over
All the flesh was now lying within 
He wrapped up the bare chicken carcass
And threw the whole lot in the bin

Details | I do not know? | |

Pumpkin Pie

My delight,
Taste by taste, bite by bite,
The final course which for room you save…

So many people at the table please pass !
Nose tickles, my mouth waters, finally at last!
Now for the perfect touch of whip cream…

Generously sky high
Pumpkin pie.

Details | Sestina | |


Roxy as the loudest rottweiler in Waterbury, an historic town in Connecticut,
Roxy was a vigilante dog, which never let a stranger or a burglar in;
once this ranch home was a haven, thanks for the love she had shown!
While I was watching my favorite movie, she joined in with interest; 
I padded her to let her know that I approved of her curiosity,
and I spoiled her with foods that dogs shouldn't eat: like cookies and pastry! 

On the sunniest days of spring and summert, we spent many hours playing, I threw the ball
and she would find it anywhere on the lawn and bring it back breathing heavily;
whoever says that dogs can't be human?....They have already proven that to us
by being our best friends! A dog can rescue a child from a burning house,
and jump into the coldest pool and bring that baby unharmed to safety;
and many of them take risks that we wouldn't take, to protect us in dangerous situations!

Canines have been our bodyguards since ancient times...Homer, the blind poet, had one, too,
but what they don't have is a spirit like ours, that spirit which returns, upon death, to God;
and will they ever go to Heaven with us? Our answer should be no, but the odds of taking  
them with us, wouldn't be favorable, so we must leave them behind in their earthly dwelling! 
When we'll be resurrected by Christ, we'll remember these loyal and dear companions
that shared our affections, our joy of loving, and our same fate: living and dying like we do!

Roxy was the gentlest and the most affectionate dog that ever lived, Roxy kept me from harm;
and what she gave was more than anyone could ever give! And my appreciation and gladness
were demonstrated in my caring ways: making sure she was well-fed and had plenty 
of water to drink, when I would be gone for hours...and on my return, she would greet me 
with a loud bark, and licking my cheeks, she jumped on me and tickled me with her paws!  
Roxy was a gift from a neighbor who died alone; she entrusted her to me, and called me son!

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Light Poetry | |


its the there theme
some or feme
love to lick
the way its fixs
its always in there dreams

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Ambrosia Lost

Artificial sweeteners
Refreshing flavor
A modern day conundrum.
It says diet, but
Truly you’re joining
The cult of

Details | I do not know? | |

Claim Chicken

Can anyone call it any other name really at all?
Licking finger good, has been used in some form.
Anyone else has famous sayings, which never fall.
I myself really do not chicken either in calm or storm.
My wife loves chicken, made anyway except raw.

Chicken is one of the most inexpensive meats to eat.
Has been made in almost a million ways for many meals,
Individual pieces or whole, prices can never be beat.
Canned or fresh, they are stored to last in different seals.
Kentucky is a major relation since a colonel, we did meet.
Enjoying this foul many do every day, while making deals.
Now I draw a close to my anagram name in great defeat.

Written by
Cecil Hickman

written for
Sponsor oink! a limp okra 
Contest Name Anagrammatically Speaking 

Details | Rhyme | |


We have different meanings for this little word…

It can mean to incite or urge, even encourage one to commit to something…

A roundish reproductive body, produced by a female, of certain animals as birds, turtles and some snakes, too.

You can eat most eggs, if you like…

Can eat them fried, poached, boiled, scrambled or deviled…

You can make many other, things using eggs as well…

Enjoy your eggs anyway, you like them…

By Sandra Lea Hoban

Details | Rhyme | |


To me thanksgiving signifies this
Togetherness of family and those you miss
Stuffing, ham, pies and everything
Sit down and gnaw on a turkey’s wing
The one day a year it’s ok to be a glutton
Make some more room by popping a button
A day to celebrate a feast of food
Dine with the in-laws, try not to be rude
A day to eat and have a little fun
Then lay on the lawn and soak up some sun
Pecan, apple and minced meat pie
Better than fireworks on the fourth of July
Ham, turkey, lamb and some other meats
Grab a fork and knife and get in your seats
But on this part the most important part
Remember the needy, keep them in your heart

Details | Rhyme | |


Side streets, avenues and boulevards
seem fortifications of past civil wars
with piles of ice glistening, and the grime
and dirt from passing cars splash them with slime..

The meteorologist from Eyewitness News grins as he tracks down the January storm
predicting no pleasant, sunny weather or break in clouds tomorrow night;
more snow from West Carolina will arrive to New York Harbor after midnight,
then it will change to ice, rain and sleet....I'll drink plenty of coffee to keep me warm! 

So worried, I called my  pretty niece who's traveling up North,
I told her to drive safely and stop at a gas station to check her tires,
but Claudio will soothe her blues as he hums many happy rhymes,
and lots of stories he will tell me having seen the kids of the South.

Wednesday I will go back to work, having plenty of time to sleep...
to do as I will, but staring at a blackened snow at every curb,
I can't bear the thought that spring is months away and my Ford
is parked between cars that haven't been moved since last week.   

I'm waiting without thrill more snow from West Carolina,
praying for everyone's safety as they cross another borderline...
If I were a kid, I'd build the funniest snowman on my block,
and happily go around it twenty times as a quacking duck!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Good Gravy

If there’s one thing that my grandpa likes to eat its Chicken Egg Fu Young,
And for him he says it is a special treat if he should get some on his tongue.

That’s always where he aims it for but not where it always goes,
It seems it could end up anywhere from his head down to his toes.

Mom asked if he’d like some mushroom gravy put on the top of his food
Grandpa says that without it, his eggs are young but not completely fu-ed.

So she covered it with dark brown sauce and he gave his lips a smack
What happened next was kind of gross it was an Egg Fu Young attack.

He dropped his fork into the gravy and never tried to wipe it clean
He just grabbed it and his fingers ended up with gravy in between.

He dropped his knife into the pool then snatched it with his hand,
He looked like General Custer at his last brown gravy stand.

With gobs of gravy on his fingers he gave his hair a flick,
And the warm brown mushroom moose he wore helped his do to stick.

There are gravy marks across his face where the fork had randomly strayed,
His prowess at eating Egg Fu Young is now for all the world displayed.

And even though there is gravy everywhere on table, chair and floor,
My mother only smiles at him and asks, “Would you like some more?”

Details | I do not know? | |

A Duel

"A Duel"
By Rachel Heffington

Long ago in a valley green,
Where a thriving hamlet once had been
Was a rubb-ly castle, hidden well
By maples tall, in a shady dell.
The penants, fluttery once, and gay,
Now hung in shreds- a faded gray;
The tower was crumbly, the dias leaked,
And in the dungeon the mouses squeaked.
Now, Squire Cliff and Baron Bim,
(Both plum full of peppery vim)
Engaged in a duel on the weedy lawn
As the edge of night gave way to dawn.
The Baron, (insulted) and the Squire (quite red
With anger) their stout hearts quivered with dread.
None wanted to fight, they dallied and stalled,
"3 Paces!" which words their courage dulled.
But neither would give it up as a joke-
"What we need s'for Bim (th'old Baron) to choke!"
The sun had climbed higher, now quite in the sky,
They drew swords and poised, "Hark! Where comes that cry?!?!"
Repeated! And from the dell came a maid,
With basket and blanket, their arms she stayed-
"Kind Squire! Good Baron! You mustn't fast!
Come, bury the hatchet, enjoy this repast!
Reluctant, but grateful, each laid down his arms,
Exploring instead, a beef-pasty's charms.
They kissed and made up o'er a cup o' darjeeling,
And surely there was quite a brotherly feeling.
And so the adage shall henceforth be,
"All's well that ends with a cup of tea!" 

Details | I do not know? | |

Killing Time

Friday rolls around 
I am too excited 
My pennies are saved 
My outfit’s sorted 
Bath and make up, done 
Ready for a big night out 

One problem 
It’s the afternoon 
Tick tock, 
Tick tock 
Hurry the fek up Mr. Clock 
You really, truly hate me 

'Cause of you I’m late for work 
Early for fun 
You bore me to hell with your incessant tick tocking 
If you had a real face I would… 

I’ll have a drink 
Kill some time 
Just the one 

I sip Whisky 
And twiddle my thumbs 
Bored on the highest level 
I’ll check the Net 

Laptop open 
Booting up 
Logging on 
123 ABC 
Bingo, I’m in 

I have three emails 
Unless I needed to grow my ***** ten more inches 
Date a married man 
Or join Mob Wars and get one million fake dollars for online poker 
Now there’s a bit of competition for you 

Facebook is where it’s at on a Friday afternoon 
Isn’t it? 
Let me see if there are any interesting status updates 

Unless I care that Trudy is having a nice cup of tea after getting all her ironing done 
Wow, Susan planted apple trees on her farm, and took a snapshot (WTF?) 
David is with Mark, Kate and Lesley somewhere near Southend 
I’m glad I’m thousands of miles away from the weirdoes 

Oh, wait a second 
I have an invite! 
And it’s something to do with food 
My profile says I’m a chef 
I post tons of pictures of food 
Finally something worth opening 

Amy has invited me to join Chef World 
Now I can work in a virtual kitchen cooking virtual food after spending all day in a real kitchen cooking real food 
Idiotic waste of time 

I click the link and enter a bright red kitchen 
Timers scattered 
Pots and pan readied 
Bacon eggs, beans and fries to cook 
All need coordinating 
Timing is crucial 

And she’s off 
Fries on 
Bacon, wait for it 
Wait for it 
Toast down 
Beans on 
Toast pops 
Fries burnt 
Eggs burnt 

I try again 
And again 
After 4 hours I’m a virtual pro 
The phone rings 
‘Kim, I’ll be there in ten, be ready.' 
'I'll try.' 
You've had all day, what you doing?’ 
'Murdering time.'

Details | Cinqku | |

Cinqku Two

Keep quiet,
Or want a cane?
It’s too early for that.
Be calm!

Details | Rhyme | |

Fatty Bum Bum

How did I end up in this state? 
I'm always fighting with my weight, 
I'd like to put it down to fate, 
but that ain't honest! 

I know for sure what I do wrong, 
I've known the truth all along, 
but I always sing a different song, 
and that ain't honest! 

I've tried to blame my family, 
for passing the fat gene down to me, 
and making me a big fat'B', 
but that ain't honest.

So now I'm gonna face the fact, 
I have to make me a slimming pact, 
and with exercise I must react.
Now, that is honest!

Details | Free verse | |

The Inner Struggle

Some our very eager perplexed swept within

Underneathe the belly of the beast
A needed flower to grow amidst the rise of yeast
Within sullen fragmented dreams & truth
One may even negate that inner truth for a lie?

That inner struggle within/

To remain attached to the vine sublime

We are more then qualified for its great design
To calm the nerves from within
We look to man yet find no hold
We look toward self thus grafted in again onto the rights are sold

We then read books based on logic & get trapped within

For some, 
It's inner struggle is what we all must seek to face
Within loose debris in decayed formation
Yet some its inner struggle is a way of escape?

Proned toward evident inhillation embraced with its surfaced Peyton Place;

The inner struggle from within
Fought back the heavy tears with a smile
Still to know all the great while
A hand to hold a loving kiss embraced

For this is the thought provoking struggle we enivatably all must face?

The inner struggle.

Details | Verse | |

Breakfast Love

Breakfast begins with out a care
 Waffles and applesauce
 Thats what love is
 This mourning here with you
 I just reminisced 
Our first kiss
 And this mourning
 It's applesauce to you
 And just because
 I hit life's pause
 I now give sauce
 And it's because 
Of the things you do

Details | Acrostic | |


To all wo crave turkey...good appetite and good health!
Utilize your skills in creating charm in a bright dining room. 
Round up the best ideas for success, ask if you need help.
Kidding yourself is absurd, get all the help from friends.
Enamor yourself with dinnerware and silverware that match.
Yearn for an athmosphere so warm, cheerful and elegant.
Allow kindness when dealing with kids who spill apple cider.
Nobody should be privileged to say Grace but the host. 
Dance afterward with everyone in the decorated living room.
Papa can smoke his cigar, if it doesn't bother the guests.
Unity should be stronger on this day when all thank the Lord.
Major issues about noises, caused by children, should be ignored.
Pretend that Thanksgiving Day is the last one they'll ever see.
Keyboard should play Hymns of thanks, not songs they all like.
Inside the fireplace, the red log crackles reminiscing Thansgivings past.
Nag not when the dog chases the cat under the table...laugh!
Parents should be soft, not harsh...let Thansksgiving be a fun day!
Inside the fireplace the log crackles...reminishing of Thanksgivings past.
Endure the screams and the fights a little child is an angel.
Say the final prayer of gratitude as everyone bows their heads.

Details | Rhyme | |

Table Manners

The birds in our back garden
Seem completely unaware
That when eating from a table
One should sit upon a chair.

Details | Ballade | |

McDonalds poem

me and my girl kelssey just got done smoking weed
 are stomach start rumbling and we started too have cravings 
what was it what do we need 
we but our minds together and it was micky d's

so we walked in to get our burgers and fries,
but realized we aint gots no money to our surprise

i look in my back pocket and a 20 appear
 we was like holy crap then we walk up to the cashear 
she was like "how can i help you? you want that here or to go ? "
 umm i dont know but i like a number 6 plain with cheese
 but her not sure what do you want kelssey?

i want a classic combo. a sweet tea to drink. 
thats what id order im pretty sure or i think.
 burgers on our mind..thank god it was micky d's that we would find
. but watch the drinks. make sure the dont spill. 
but if you do its ok. cuz we get free refill.

they called our order and we grab our meal 
right when we seat down i cause a big deal
 i looked at my food and guess what i see 
they put lettuce ketchup and mayonnaise and the receipt says plain with cheese
 i cause a fus and a big scene it all worked out
 the food was free and i got back my 20

so we didnt have to pay.
 we got out there real fast and started a good day.
 but we were still hungry and what did we do? 
well we thought a shopping cart would fit through the drive through.

 a bad idea? i dont know. but me and west thats how we roll.
 so we climb in and away we go we went so fast no a time was spent
i was like " i hope we dont hit a car i hope we dont cause a dent"
 we finnally got to the end of the drive through 
so we told em to give us order number two and dont for get order number three
 right when we grabbed our food we jumped out of the cart and then we flea

so our trip to mickey d's was quite amazing at the least... 
as we eat our burgers and join in a great feast.
im like dang what are we doing 
we are packing our face s like a 8 year old eats pudding
 im a skinny kid but now i feel like a fat as pig 
i ate so much im starting to feel sick

so fat we feel. cuz we ate to much. kinda bad idea. 
who would of thought of such.
 well me and west kno how to kick it. eat mickey d's all day is good living

Details | Light Poetry | |

Table Service

Before you start your meal today I can see that you’re confused
Please let me explain to you now how the utensils are to be used.

Start from the left and work your way in
There’s a fork that you can use to loosen a fin

Next to that is a thing with a hook that slides
Here’s some WD-40 to make sure that it glides

You can use it to catch hold of a fat Farkel berry
Unless of course it’s being served with dairy

Then please switch over to the right side of the plate
And grab hold of the spoon that matches its mate

Use them in tandem to round up the sections,
Of various things in the main course selection.

Next to them is horse shoe shaped spoon with a handle
That’s used for warming up bread with a candle.

After that is a nice collection of knives
Used to get honey from inside of the hives

Now move counter clockwise to the top and find
A nickel plated yo-yo with its string entwined.

You use that for knocking stray fingers away
From the dessert that comes for you on a tray.

At last we come to that spring loaded gadget
You can use it to peel bananas or baguettes.

I hope you got all that down with your pencils,
As this now concludes our tour of utensils.

•	Fine Finlandic Fin Fork
•	Farkel Berry Hook (With safety slide)
•	Tandem (Sometimes Twin) Round Up Spoons
•	Bread Warming U-spoon
•	Slicker Honey Hive Stickers
•	Nickel Plated Knuckle Whacker
•	Spring Loaded Bread and Banana Peeler

Details | Rhyme | |

The random pumpkin

The flyer through the letterbox claimed 'pumpkins now half price'
I'll make a pie for Ma-in-law, for once do something nice
I was told to bring a wheelbarrow, maybe a pair of wellies
But all this preparation, still did not prepare me
For when I reached the pumpkin patch, behold, there dazzling bright
Were twenty seven pumpkins, none orange, but white!
I rubbed my eyes and scratched my head, but still they didnt change
And thought inside my muddled mind 'the grower must be strange'
But still I paid  the buying fee for my rare and freaky fruit
Rolled it in my barrow and squelched home in my boots
Then when I got it home I sat and stared an hour or two
I wanted orange pumpkin pie but white will have to do
I dont know yet how I'll explain this to my Ma-in law
She'll take one look at anaemic pie and laugh me out the door!
But beggars can't be choosers, I'm just gonna have to blag it
And next time I want pumpkin pie, go to the supermarket

27th October 2011

Details | Rhyme | |


I like it steamy, Hot and sweet, I like it twice a day, I like to try many different things In many a different way. I like the feeling on my lips, I like to hold it in my hands, I like it in so many ways That no-one understands. I like the way it makes me feel, Purely just for me. I know some people think it strange The way I talk about my Tea!!

Details | Couplet | |

You Snooze You Lose

<                                                  You Snooze
                                                     You Lose

                                                     Lazy Head
                                                     Get Out Of Bed

                                                      No Bread
                                                      No Fead

                                                      Big Bob
                                                      Get A Job

                                                      Soap Queen
                                                      Loves To Dream

                                                      Got Dough
                                                      Hell  No !

                                                      Rather Sleep
                                                      Then Leap

                                                      Sweet Dreams
                                                      Wanna Scream

                                                      Gotta    Go  !
                                                      Work You Know 

                                                      See    Ya    Later
                                                            Alligator !




Details | I do not know? | |

There was a time

There was a time 
I woke up and decided 
to have a cup of coffee 
just to unwind 
I made some toast 
with a dippy egg 
but in my mind 
a dounut would speed up the 
relaxing time 
mmmm if only I could 
but I know doctor Oz 
says for us it not good 
maybe this coffee will work 
or should I have Tea instead 
Oh Doctor Oz what should I do 
listen to your heart 
Oz says 
sweets are no good for you 
oh ok what ever you say 
any ways no matter what 
Doctor Oz says 
I am going to do it my way. 
so I popped open the box
and picked out a jelly one
I thought oh 
Doctor Oz said no no son
but it tasted so good
as I swallowed it down,
now a cup of coffee will do
Doctor OZ now

Details | Haiku | |


lunch philly cheesesteak sandwiches.. pungent onion scent

Details | Limerick | |

Nitpicky Treat

Pickles in jars both sour and sweet,
Tickle, fancy of all you meet.
Different shapes to see.
This means nothing to me.
Fickle pickles tickle complete.

Details | Rhyme | |

I should've learned french

I should've learned french before going to a restaurant.
What I ordered there was food that I sure didn't want.
I made the mistake of ordering cerveau and escargot.
When I learned that it was brains and snails, I said that it had to go.
When I refused to eat it, the chef threw me out a window and I got a shard of it in my ass.
I went to a proctologist and he asked me five hundred bucks to remove that piece of glass.
I refused to pay it and I got thrown through a window again.
Now I have two shards of glass in my butt, I can never win.
I can no longer sit down, I have to be suspended by a winch.
If you decide to eat at that restaurant, you'd better learn french.

(This is a fictional poem.)

Details | Alliteration | |


Skinny Nick hid a jar of roasted peanuts;
a jar of roasted peanuts Skinny nick hid. 
If Skinny Nick hid a jar of roasted peanuts,
who found the jar of roasted peanuts Skinny Nick hid?

*My readers like this Nursery Rhyme,
because they love peanuts like
Skinny Nick did.

Details | Rhyme | |

Whats for Dinner

We could have hot dogs or hamburgers
tonight if you rather and save the
pork chop's for Sunday dinner…

Hamburgers or hot dogs with 
chili and onions…

Save the best for Sunday dinner…

By Sandra Lea Hoban

Details | Rhyme | |


"You shouldn't cook that!"

I heard them all say.

"Why, that's only served

on Christmas Day!"

"You shouldn't bake that,

Something else you must cook.

Our husbands will know

and how will that look?"

"It's fourth of July

No time for that dish.

These rules can't be broken

please honor our wish!"

But I pay no heed

to wives' rambling tricks.

My taste buds cry out

for sage and bread mix.

No husband have I

to eat what I make.

So why should I care

whatever I bake?

There is no set rule

No government law!

I just crave dressing

with turkey. That's all.

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Dr. Pepper Special (Epulaeryu)

Just like a peppered doctor
Its caffeine perks souls
Like electric it’s a jolt
Awaken the nerves
Taste buds sizzling
Doctor Pep—

© Spencej 9/12/06
© All Rights Reserved

The Epulaeryu poem is about delicious food and drinks. It consists of seven 
lines with thirty-three syllables. The first has seven syllables, second line five, 
third line seven, fourth line five, fifth line five, sixth line three, and seventh line only 
one syllable which ends with an exclamation mark. The Epulaeryu poetic form 
syllable count is 7/5/7/5/5/3/1. Each line has one thought relating to the meal, 
and concludes with the ending line expressing the writer’s excitement and 
feelings about the meal.  The Epulaeryu poetic form was invented by Joseph 

Details | Free verse | |

I Am Laura's Stomack Part 2

My God! – I thought, 
now she becomes better and better. 
May be I’ll be a little bit fatter? 
But…anyway…it’s early to shout “hurray”. 
On Saturday she went to the restaurant with her boyfriend. 
I didn’t want to offend her, so I kept quiet, 
I so much desired to eat 
a good piece of meet, something sweet. 
You know that I didn’t eat for the whole weak. 
“You look good, but you are very thin, 
you have to take some food and it’s not a sin”- 
the guy said with a grin. 
I thought he was the greatest lad 
and my dearest Laura was just mad. 
It was late at night when she felt bad. 
I was also feeling sad. 
Martini, mushrooms, potato, beef… 
all that nice food decided to leave. 
Shut up, lever! She is clever! 
Everything is under control, 
she knows that I hate alcohol. 
At night, with a little bit of fight, 
I said goodbye to all the food she ate 
without any regret. 
Now I know: she doesn’t like to be fat. 
Next morning she drank only mineral water, 
her boyfriend has brought for her. 
And I certainly kept quiet. 
What more can I say? 
We are on diet. 

Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

Details | Couplet | |

Mocha Frappuccino

Where, oh where, did I leave my mocha,
If I find you took it, I might just choke ya!

Details | Light Poetry | |


Dad was digging in the garden 
When he struck a custard well
Mum was none too happy
By her phizog you could tell

We watched the plume of custard
As it rose into the sky
Dad said “It’s bloomin’ lovely
We can have that with some pie

Mum was still unhappy
“This has ruined my best dress
You can both get out there later
And clear up this ruddy mess”

First thing in the morning
I went out, to see the hole
Scraped away the surface
And I filled a little bowl

Sitting on my haunches
In my jim jams and a vest
I took a cautious spoonful
And declared it was the best

Then later on, the press appeared
And in the garden mustered
As Dad explained how he had found
A well of perfect custard

A well known geolologist
Was hired to survey
He said our well, might just achieve
Ten thousand puds a day

So, Dad went out and bought himself 
A brand new custard pump
And put it in the shed that he
Was just about to dump

With lots and lots of effort
And a little bit of planning
We built ourselves a factory
And we started custard canning

Now mum is very happy, ‘cause
We’ve bought a house that’s bigger
Don’t know what she’ll say though
When she sees Dad’s bought a digger 

Details | Free verse | |


A hero is just that lost in the suace proned to devastation

A barrage of intense flames loosed in its politically incorrect agenda
Sought back the upheavel with a smile still to know all the great while
A chalice is just that in some absurd excursion plotted to the extreme
The inevitable remedy with hearts on the upswing

Through the complacency proned to decency
The upmost honesty to endeavor the braided swelt of heat
In an illusion prond to twilight fantasy in its eternity
The inner plight of justification & sensitivity
Gone our the days we used to frolic in a haze
Today we are all being stuck inside a maze
Shattered dreams in the notion of fright to sight
In scrambled eggs inside the equation
You base your logical theories on the basis of regret
All the hero's and legend we knew as a child have left
In random discourse,

We felt the sound of innocence in the right perspective
Shattered fragments in their devastation in dreams
A flight of fancy & brevity
The cause of charity
In its equated logical fashion We absorbed the extremitites
Many today suffer in silence amidst its blindness
With temples of gloom shattered fragments in their room


Details | I do not know? | |

Green onions(ode to)

Green Onions

What fool can write about green onions?
Not me, Not me
I'm not a fool you see

Green onions are food
not a poem my friend whose goofy

But I don't mean to be rude
or crude to any dude
who writes about green onions 
and not eat for food

So what if I'm rude or crude
to you, foolish dude
I'm not like you, I'm no fool
But a dude who's cool

So don't confuse me with a fool dude 
'cause I'm a cool dude
I do not write about green onions
that is you, a fool you see
and a fool you will always be

I do not write about green onions
you see ,you see

Details | Rhyme | |


Red, Sticky, and Thick,
Could make you look like your dead.
Not eaten by a flea or tick,
And it’s always said.

I go wonderful with potatoes,
It’s a good match up.
I’m made out of tomatoes,
I love being ketchup!  

Details | Limerick | |

Pigs Unite

There once was a man named Ike 
Who smoked porks to everyone’s like
They were the best in town
Creating orders abound
Till all pigs decided to strike

Details | Free verse | |

Eternal Vigilance

He had to be on his guard at all times

The swift forces of evil sifted through to receive his gait
Still in awe combersome state of resistance
What everyone simply needs in life is a chance
Eternal vigilance,

Then soon vanquished to its cryptic elemental heights

Some having even fought back the intense pain lest I refrain;
Another twist in prominant vice to promote its blow
Some our quite eager & content 
In getting the best out of me...

Some having sifted through its canvas setting abode

Others ponder relics in an excursion filled up in cold & distant stream
By a clever heart of careless scheme
Eternal vigilance
As fragmented cold yet distant hearts asunder

In stoic yet stark quiver in its plumetted excursion

Shelter lies dormant exposed to its inner beckoning call
Eternal vigilance
Within a certain thrust to expose eternal vigilance
Today are society lies dormant;

Exposed to its desperate rudimentary elements!

Details | Prose Poetry | |

Dying Dreams

The young dream their dreams away at night

Hoping they come true

A doctor,policemen,veterinarian and other dreams are developed by the young

Too naive to understand the ways of the world

Determined as ever to achieve their dreams

The old regret the dreams they could never accomplish

They had dreams but unknowingly never came true

You go from living a world full of dreams

To living the reality that is life

Why do we let our dreams die

We were so excited as young kids

At the foot step of our dreams

Were we haunted by the mountain we had to climb

To make our dreams come true

Did we simply quit

Because of society’s pressure

Did money deter our dreams away while we slept at night

Did we let doubt creepy into our hearts

Silently killing all of our dreams without realizing it

Why do dreams die so quickly

When we spent years of our youth

Hoping that we could get an opportunity

To make them come true

Dream big, chase your dreams and never let them die

Details | Free verse | |


DING!!! I heard the sound of my alarm bark
YAWN!!! My mouth imitated an exhausted beak 
It was time for me to break the night's fast
So gratified to perceive the awesome aroma of Baked bread and tea
I gallantly walked towards the dinning room without fear
Stretching my body, looking like a bear
When I arrived, I didn't see any food to feast
It was past BREAKFAST! My mouth melting and hungry like a beast
My nose began locating the site of the aroma without rest
It was like eating that food was my morning fate
As the smell grew intense, I thought I was near for my sake
Finally, I arrived at the stop! On a trash can, it sat
Should I feast on it? My cells scared on the decision I was willing to take

Details | Free verse | |

Shades Of Grey

                                                                        Shades Of Grey

A peril of sort left my job moved up North

In islands in the stream some apparent evil scheme
Shades of grey by its means something don't actually turn out to what they mean
Shades of grey silver smile walk the old river Nile
A plate of fries evil pass getting to know the midnight pass

Shades of grey all torn up inside we will hide
Souts of joy then applause some may insist on it being a lost cause
Sadly we put up with the chill running down the spine evil swine
In deepened peril outside twilight Christmas Carol

Shades of grey how they swoon to its nightly visible tune.

Details | Lanterne | |


laurel bark

Details | Free verse | |

Somebody Loves Me

Produced 50 yrs ago
My master Pravin Pant Sr.
Felt it was time for my Just Born coop to grow
So he introduced me to some other chicks
Bunnies bats cats pumpkins and
Even thought of placing some lucky stars
In for the heck of it what a day of cellabration
Now he has flipped his lid once again and took a few friends back
Had turned them into lip balms but I don't mind
For they will stay forever fresh on my lips as I speak of them
I been dropped off buildings had been steam rolled over
And each time I bounced back with zest
So please come rescue us from this crazy farmer
Place me in a warm basket or cake or even a dressed table 
For I m just a little peep looking for somebody to love

To The Peep 
In All Of Us    LOL

Details | Rhyme | |


They're known by many names - taters, potatos, pertaters and spuds.
As a Hoosier lad I toiled hoein' taters and flickin' bugs off their buds!
So I was very well qualified when I entered the service, by and large,
When 'volunteered' for kitchen police to peel taters by a mean old sarge!

There's even a National Potato Day observed with tumultuous celebration,
With a Potato Queen, parades and other such nonsense across the nation!
Politicos pontificate about the virtues of taters 'specially in Idaho and Maine,
Where they transport them to our kitchen tables by truck, plane and train.

There was a national debate on how to spell potato with or sans an 'e'!
Dan Quayle didn't know how but I would've spelled it 'tater' if it were up to me!
Some taters have a patriotic bent since some are called reds, whites and blues!
Other varieties are yellows, fingers and russets from which you may choose.

To fill a feller's paunch the lowly tater can be mashed, diced or sliced.
You can make a tater salad or tater soup though you'll want them lightly spiced!
Taters roasted on the grille or scalloped tater casseroles will go with anything.
Barbeque tater chips or French fried taters with hamburgers are just the thing!

Mom would've been horrified to find lumps in her taters when company came!
In cafes today lumps are cela va sans dire s'il vous plait and is their claim to fame!
No matter how you slice 'em, taters are savored by commoner and king as well!
And you can argue 'bout the spellin' of 'potato' but 'tater' you can easily spell!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Limerick | |


For days I coughed hard and hurt my guts,
drank tea like Britons from china cups,
the virus never left,
this poor guy never slept...
did this bad cold come from unwashed mugs?

Details | Rhyme | |

FOOD TALK kid poem

Olives are so sweet to eat
Avocados are a treat
I love fruit right off the trees
Sneaking honey from the bees
Bread so soft it floats on air
Curly noodles shaped like hair
But I hate broccoli and peas
And tofu burgers make me sneeze
If you force me to sit and eat
food you think should be a treat
If you want me sitting there
You can leave me, I don’t care
Night will come and bedtime too 
Owls will fly and hoot at you 
Me and food will still be there
Sleeping when you come down stairs

Details | Personification | |

Funny How Thins Go


I know that I am
Not a Turkey
I have said this
Once before
Hope to make it
Threw Christmas
And not just end up
At the foot of some-ones'
I know that there is truth
      And of this...
I wil not be forsaken
    But, above all else
I hope not to be mistaken


Something real Turkey might say....
There is a little Turkey in all of us.....

Details | Tanka | |


For twelve nights I waited,
imagining what was inside
those long, red stockings...
nothing big, like games or toys,
hoping Santa wouldn't be late.  

For twelve nights I stood
on my small and trembling feet,
to see what was inside
them and then return to bed
without waking up my dog.  

For twelve nights I rushed
into the living room wishing
it were Christmas Eve...
when Santa quietly walked in,
filling the stockings with candies.

Entered in Russell Sivey's contest,
" Christmas Stockings Tribute "
Written by Andrew Crisci
on 12/8/2011

Details | I do not know? | |

Life Is

Life is like a box of chocolates
You know there's a nutty one in there somewhere

Life is like a box of chocolates
All the good ones have already been taken

Life is like a box of chocolates
People keep sampling and putting them back

Life is like a box of chocolates
Without care, they grow stale

Life is like a box of chocolates
You cant always tell what you're getting

Life is like a box of chocolates
Sometimes the first bite turns out really nasty

Life is like a box of chocolates
Too much sweet stuff can make you throw up

Life is SOOO like a box of chocolates
And yet we all struggle on

Details | Rhyme | |

Homemade Dressing

When eating leftover dressing
That was a good main course for lunch
Only compliment  receiving
You could patent this honeybunch

He forgot potato salad
Left it out of his extra praise
What Rocky did say nots valid
For he was in a state of craze

Details | Rhyme | |


“Mummy, what’s that”
“What’s what”
“In the jar”
“That, my dear boy, is the best caviar
We had friends for dinner
Last evening, my sweet
So I got something special 
To give them a treat
It’s fish eggs my dear,
They are eggs from a fish
It’s ever so nice 
You can try if you wish, 
My word, it’s all gone
You’ve eaten the lot
You’ve polished it off
You’ve emptied the pot
What’s that, you feel ill
Well I’m not so surprised
I’m afraid my young man
You’ve been belugarised

Details | Rhyme | |

The Ballad of Jeremiah Macabenta

The King hosted a feast, 
   as it was his custom, 
to once a year, feed the least
   blessed in his kingdom.
So the ragged came in flocks
   and in the courtyard gathered, 
hushed in anticipation
   of, finally, a warm supper.
All the King's men guided
   them, so it will be orderly
along dozen long tables
   arranged conformingly.
The guests then sat, food was served, 
   each with equal servings; 
a plate of veggies, a cut of meat, 
   rice and corn soup steaming.

Among those who supped was
   Jeremiah Macabenta, 
perhaps the most haughty glutton
   of the millennia.
His infamy was that, amongst
   vagrants, he could
eat in one meal what 
   normally three men took.
Though he was looked upon
   as comically fat, 
his life as a rat 
   was tragically sad.
—having no means of living
   at that—
so to the King's dinner, an
   invitation, he got.

Back to the feast, after servings
   were done, 
Jeremiah called for one of
   the servers to come; 
He said, 'Look at my plate, 
   of meat, it has none.
Only veggies, rice and soup! '
   So the server gave him one.
Just then a cat with fur
   shiny and black
—which, according to myth, is
   the cause of bad luck—
suddenly jumped onto an
   eating lady's lap, 
who then shoo'ed it away; 
   to the table it leapt back.

Landing in chaos upon
   Jeremiah's place, 
exposing two pieces of meat
   he hid under his plate; 
caught red-handed, he'd only
   sheepishly grin, 
while the King's witnessed this, 
   much to his chagrin.
The King then ordered Jeremiah
   banished from the tables, 
of controlling his anger, 
   he was barely able; 
shocked that this tramp would
   abuse his charity, 
when he most wanted to
   treat his guests equally.

Now this is where it's not
   clearly distinguished
what truly transpired from
   only just gossip; 
for it was manifested that
   Jeremiah was punished, 
but the story that spread
   was incredibly horrid
It was said that Jeremiah
   was chained onto a rock   
and into his mouth, food was
   endlessly stuffed, 
till he choked and gasped
   and breathed his last air, 
while bits and morsels trickled
   down his nose and ear.

(And to confound the story 
   of Jeremiah's end, 
after the feast, he was never
   heard from again.)       

Perhaps the moral is this: 
   we should never take advantage
should the kindness that is
   shared to us we acknowledge, 
lest we fall into the pit
   of Jeremiah's plight
—in gluttony he lived, 
   in gluttony he died.

Details | Rhyme | |

Eat, Drink And Be Wary

Ain't no wonder we're baffled about eatin' - ever'thing is taboo.
We're deluged by self-appointed gurus toutin' their points uv view.
Can't they desist and find somethin' more productive to do?
They can eat their tofu and water cress-  I prefer a hearty stew!

The experts can't determine which is best, reg'lar coffee er decaf,
So I slurp my mornin' joe, settlin' fer a mug uv half n' half.
Fast foods ain't recommended but I'd fight fer Burger King Whoppers!
Ain't nobody tellin' me what I can er can't chomp on with my choppers!

Some folks say aigs is good fer you - some say they're not.
I eat 'em boiled, fried and scrambled - it don't mean diddley squat!
Another profound debate persists and causes me to muse,
Is whether it's wholesome er not to partake uv a snort of booze!

Seems these fellers jes' confound our lives and like to obfuscate,
Leavin' the rest uv us bewildered as they continue their debate.
My cholesteral, glucose and platelets wuz perfect in my last exam.
I've survived nigh four-score years eatin' pizza, cake and spam!

I guess its politically correct to engage in the latest dietary fad,
But in brief, here's the case uv my dear old Mom and Dad.
They et what they wanted and survived four-score years and more,
Never mindin' the cholesterol, fats and carbs that docs now abhor!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Details | Narrative | |

Sunrise versus Sunset

“Ok, I need to know, which do you prefer, a sunrise or a sunset?”
The question was odd, who was this guy?  Hadn't we just met?
I pretended to ponder on it carefully and tried to look very sage.
To choose one was to decide which of my appendages I preferred
My arm was a chosen  favorite so should I leave my leg deferred?
The elf was insistent.

I said I didn’t care, I shrugged my shoulder and he almost fell off.
I started to laugh at him but instead I just gave a bit of a cough.
The little guy looked up at me and I tried my best not to smile at him.
He looked impatient and I sighed and thought about the puzzle again
I suppose I preferred sunset because it always got a lot of attention.
The elf nodded slowly.

I made a decision and I said that sunrise was good because
It meant the start of a new chance and then I gave a pause.
The little guy looked impatient   I sighed again and he said, 
“Do you really have to do that?  Answer my question, hurry up.”
I looked at him and thought about producing one good hiccup.
The elf glared at me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on the front of a cereal carton?”
His face turned red and I decided to pay more attention.
“Sunset is good because it means that soon there will be a new day 
Although it depends on when you ask me this question, you see
What if tomorrow doesn’t come, then sunset would have to be…”
The elf was losing patience.

“Are you hungry?  My neighbors brought some food from next door.”
He didn’t bite and he definitely wasn’t interested in eating a S’more.
He didn’t like it when I said I usually slept through most sunrises.
He told me I had only a minute left and then I would be sorry I joked.
He stomped his foot, pulled a pipe out of his pocket and then smoked.
The elf had a mean look.

 “Ok, I pick sunrise are you happy?”  I wondered if he’d leave
The elf puffed on his pipe, “You’re just trying to get rid of me.”
The smoke entered one of my nostrils and I tried to suppress it.
With one giant sneeze the tiny elf’s body went head over heels
He landed on one of the brownies in a plate with a few squeals.
The elf was still.

“Eat your way out of there, I have got to get some sleep tonight.
I’m sure you’re just a bad dream.”  I started to turn off the light
But I’d left the TV on and Fiddler on the Roof was playing that song,
“Sunrise, Sunset”.  I decided it was too coincidental.  I got the plate.
And I grabbed a brownie. “I love it when my neighbors cook this late.”
The elf just held on.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Feed me!

If you talk to your flowers
And they start talking back
If they ask for a bite
When you’re having a snack

If they grab you and hug you
As you’re passing by
And your home is devoid 
Of both spider and fly

Then its time for some action
To stop it expanding
For as it gets bigger 
It gets more demanding

Insisting on beef steak 
But much worse than that
You’ll get home one day
And be missing a cat 

Its appetite growing
You’ll be feeling perplexed
Then, one day on the menu
You find you are next

Details | Rhyme | |

Finger Licking.

Wishes are for fishes
fishes are for dishes
often finger licking
in spite of fish bones pricking.

Details | I do not know? | |

Thanksgiving Day Disaster #2

I walked into the kitchen,
Would it be turkey or chicken?

A debate was about to unflold,
I, now to tackle it so bold.

To fix a well planned meal,
soon to be a really big deal.

So to the store I went,
My budget quickly spent.

A meal of turkey and dressing,
tied tightly, cooked with blessing.

So then as all arrived,
of course none food deprived.

All ready to partake,
The turkey I will now bake.

It was soon done,
a day of so much fun.

Upon a plate,
turkey his now fate.

I carried him in, 
with a big fat grin.

Off the plate it slid,
Off grandpa's head a quick skid.

Hit the shoulder of Uncle Frank,
He thought it was from Uncle Jim a prank.

He lifted his plate,
for that in mid air turkey's sake.

Then grandma hit it with a rake,
Then I wished I'd of cooked steak.

"Score" grandma smiled and said,
as I caught a look from Uncle Fred.

It flew then to the other room,
Where Aunt Pat hit it with her broom.

It landed on my bed,
This day I so now dread.

It then rolled off and took a spin,
I could not even break a grin.

It was now again a Thanksgivng disaster
Of which I was again, "The Master."

When it finally stopped,
As grandpa took out his ax and chopped.

It split in half each of opposite direction,
Heard Aunt Till say, "This meal's without perfection."

So another year goes by,
Family all left, I sit alone to cry.

Oh yes I say again, I do hate turkey,
Next year I sware I'll serve ham or jerky.

Linda Terrell

Details | Tail-rhyme | |

Green Beans Don't Wait

Snapping those green beans, hear them pop
Hear my whimpering flop.

In the bucket,maybe could swap
Beans for good coffee stop
I am absconding

In secret I'll go to Whistle Stop
Hidden all from view shop
Green beans done now slurping

Details | Light Poetry | |

A Notion Of A Whisper

A flower will start off as a simple bud/
It then will grow forth !
As when birds in Summer tend to move North/
Yet as the flower may bloom/
There is often found room in which to grow,

Have a positive mindset in life,

Longevity !
There will be many storms !
Yet we all must not allow them,
To dictate what may happen in the future/
Today be a positive light to a darkened place/

Live by example !

Cause many people are watching !
They will be looking for some hidden quality,
Hence, a bit of understanding/
Perhaps it's determination or a great sense of integrity !
Yet without cement to hold a brick it will eventually fall/

This isn't some store bought item that one gets at their nearby mall,

Let all your words be few yet sweet and sincere/
For far too many people in life,
That don't even bother to care/
Just then a little bird had whispered in my ear/

Yet none the worse for wear,

The heart is deceitful above all things !

Still who can know it ?
A true friend is rather polite and sincere/
To the one who will often show it,
Set the standard high for yourself !

For whether you fall,

You will know in your heart/
That you gave it better then some college Joe try,
Try to keep your mind on just one thing/
For this is the essential key to your success !

Details | Light Poetry | |

Stick It To Him { Footle } Light Poetry



                                                         Out there

                                                                       Used stake 
                                                                                He's baked

Tribute To Halloween   

Also Entry For 
Donna Golden's   Footle Fright

Details | Quatrain | |


I really look forward to brekkie each morning It's my favourite meal of the day Chickens, without doubt, are my favourite creatures Laying eggs by the dozen without pay But I don't want 'em to think they're irreplaceable Their heads will get too big for the coop They're bound to wind up when their laying's done In a bowl of scrumptious chicken soup Piggies really shouldn't get too complacent either There's only one reason for their existence The chopping block is their final destination Unless the farmer, they can outdistance Hey you Mr. Spud, don't think you're superior Your days are numbered for sure Those hash browns with gravy are a real favourite With onions and just a scent of manure Holy cadoodle! I'm drooling in my PJs My age apparently doesn't matter The thought of all those yummy brekkie goodies Can still make my heart go pitter patter © Jack Ellison 2012

Details | Light Poetry | |

Aunty Betty

Aunty Betty ate spaghetti 
Every chance she got
For every plateful
Very grateful, she
Would scoff the bloomin’ lot

Aunty Betty ate spaghetti
Several times a day
With every course
A different sauce, and
That’s just how it would stay

Aunty Betty ate spaghetti
Far too much it seems
The urge so strong
It didn’t take long, ‘til 
She busted apart at the seams

Poor Aunty Betty, there’s no more spaghetti
And the look on her face just confirms
That there in her belly 
It’s not vermicelli
But thousands of wriggly worms

Details | Imagism | |

ode to my java

I hear you brew
the sounds you make
I love every whistle
How long must it take!

The scent fills the room
Coffee heaven
In full bloom
I inhale
As I watch the pot fill
I think as my cup is empty still!

It is time
I fill O’cup
That first sip
The moment
it touches my lip
Then my tongue
It’s not just the taste
I know what’s to come

Constrict my vessels
One by one
Warm me up 
On cold days
Coffee does so much
With little credit
In many ways


Details | I do not know? | |

Mr. Paparazzo Papadopoulos Twist Nonsensically

Twisters unlike Supercala-fragilistic-expealidocious 
Imagining dreams he was socialistically-unrealistic
Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
Or try imagining managing an imaginary menagerie

Ev'rything can be satisfactch’ll for Zip-a-Dee-Doodah
Of course some make a hoo-hah over tiddly-boo-yah
Reggie’s chilly cheap chip shop sells Daryl a freak dip
Frightfully silly of her for, he flamboyantly let it rip

Her croaking Frog cost truly a princely sum of snobbery
Forgotten hopes, forlorn, besotted froglips of buffoonery
When the bleak breeze blights the bright blighted blossom
Betty beat a bit of butter to make a batter better awesome

Such a floozy to improperly expect a decent cup of coffee
I made it in a proper copper coffee pot, served with toffee
Later I saw Esau kissing Kate; at least me’ thinks I saw
The sorriest saw I saw was rustic on sawdust in Arkansas

Details | Sonnet | |

Minnesota Nice

The great upper mid west
Minnesota put to the test
Ten thousand lakes and streams
Reality for many who like to dream

From Itasca state park
To the Louisiaina's wooden bark
The mighty Mississippi flows
Gently down the outcrop she goes

Crime rates are always's on the rise
But really does it come as such a surprise
Everyone seems to like to hug
Except when its a mosquito bug

So many call us Minnesota Nice
But some still say were Cold as Ice

Details | I do not know? | |

Mash Mash Mash

I mash my potatos Mash mash mash Salt and pepper play As the milk mingles with the butter I twirl my fork to make a swirl in the creamy mixture Mash mash mash Taste so good These mashed potatos Hot garlic running inside Playing hide and seek With the fried skins of paradise I love mashed potatos Mash mash mash

Details | Epulaeryu | |

And The Winner Is.....!!!

.              On a hot Fourth of July
                 watermelon halves
              lined up and down the table
              "Hands behind your backs!"
               "Get ready!...Set!......GO!"

Entry for Miss Laura's "Sweet Treat" contest

Details | Ode | |


Her skin is like a manuscript 
Gone fragile with old age 
That crumbles at the slightest touch 
Each time you turn the page.

But if you delve below her skin 
Prepare to shed a tear 
A poignant multi-layered core 
Dwells 'neath her thin veneer.

Content to wait on ripening time 
She patiently defers 
With firm and solid dignity 
Until the hour is hers.

Once hunger's longing flame is lit 
Her transformation starts 
She glows transluscent tenderness 
Her essence she imparts.

Her kiss doth linger through the night 
Her perfume ere next day 
Oh, fragrant onion, thou art beast! 
That's all I have to say.

Details | Dramatic Verse | |

Out Heart

Out of the heart

Springs the many issues of life amidst
Throughout a distant embracing strife
Out of the heart a modest choice to make
In ardent springs embraced upon temporal negate

Within time,
Comes about a correlation within its peace
Strong is it may seem
Out of the heart some may disagree/

Out of the heart...
One may equate logical persuasion out of a mist filled with reality;


The tender soil still quickens lending it to art as in some specific touch

Through a variation in a dream falling apart at the seams

Some are even very eager to engage in its deepest sympathy?

One may negate truth thus in order to twist its factual to live the lie?

Still others equate logical persuasion amidst;

Out of the heart form the issues of the heart/
Through darkened shades of Pine some may even spring a leak?
We still know what tomorrow might bring?
Amidst temporal chords of fallem mankind
We stand amazed at the glue of false fabrication
Twisted thoughts filled with thunder amidst its period of priority
Justification by faith yet they negate logic for a side order of fear
Twisted minds that plug destruction blaming third degree of fire on their very souls
Neglect to pick up the cross & to follow then soaring into sorrow
Never any hopes for a brighter nor that a better tomorrow;

Out of the heart the mouth will speak amidst the madness deepened creek/

Throughout darkened shades of Pine soiled in the breeze with illogical persuasion
We all still know not what tomorrow may bring?
Amidst temporal chords of fallen mankind
Under the surface of the bone filled there is still a layer of skin
Whence, do I need to ever begin again
Fallen man amidst a rise of the angry pagan
Flashlights with a dull pitch formidable response in its equated logical filled lies
Does all of the lie come at any logical big enough surprise?

Details | Free verse | |


Roam the noisy and narrow streets of beautiful Napoli on any day,
and over a popular cafe hangs the comical Pulcinella's image; 
many tourists aren't familiar with this guy dressed in white!
Why does he say," The best Baba al Rum is made here! "
The bartender puts on a huge smile when customers walk in.
Controversially, the infuriated French would claim, " We invented it! "
Then Pulcinella would reply with a delirious laughter,
" It was pretty good then, but not as tasty as it is today! "

*Baba al Rum is a Neapolitan dessert

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Poet's Cat's Hunger

The poet sat deep in thought
The cat thought how it could eat
The duo were so busy
A mouse just went quite quick

The poet raised his finger
And the cat aimed its paws
It was going to get its supper
And the mouse would be in a plate

The mouse saw the cat there
Underneath the poet's feet
He didn't want to be dinner
Who would want to be 

So he planned his little escapade
And the cat thought of his tummy
Been rumbling for 12 hours
Since the poet wrote his poem

So the cat jumped at the little mouse
And the mouse jumped at the poet
And a rumblin' and a tumblin'
All happened that day

The cat clawed the poet
The poetry was ruined
The poet was so angry
His head erupted too

All brains were in the living room
And the mouse ran for its life
While the ambulance made its way
And the paramedics were shocked
To see the brains in the floor

While the cat was still hungry
And nobody paid him heed
Poor little cat he is
Lost his master and his prey

Details | Quatrain | |

A Weird Thought

Are there vegan alligators?
I hesitate to think;
For if a gator lived that life,
What would he eat and drink?
I'm not against the idea
Despite it being new,
But would a vegan gator eat
Raw chicken, or tofu?

Details | Rhyme | |

Whats That Precious

What can you boil, mash and stick in a stew,
Share yours with me, I'll share mine with you.
What comes in lovely golden chips,
You can bake them or they can even be whipped.
They come in beautiful skins,
Eat one and you'll never be the same again.
Their wrappings come in brown and red,
And they're just as filling as bread.
They are white on the inside,
Eat em' and they will put a grin on your face 10 miles wide.
What is this beautiful creation,
That is now a sensation?
Of course it is Taters,
Eat 'em alone or share 'em with the gators!
Eat 'em fast or eat 'em slow,
Eat 'em to and eat 'em fro.
So I'll leave you with a closing word about Taters,
They are 10x better than maters!
Love 'em alot or love 'em a little,
If you don't love 'em at all I couldn't give a whittle!

Details | Rhyme | |

Excuse Me, Your Majesty

Excuse Me, Your Majesty

By Elton Camp 

Queen Elizabeth is always extremely clean and neat
Her hairdo, jewelry, and clothing just can’t be beat

She was at a party for her cousin, King Constantine
When a thing happened that is hardly ever to be seen

One of the guests while eating when walking around
Spilled a plate of food onto the queen’s blue gown

The food stained and made the most horrible mess
The queen hadn’t expected she’d need another dress

Then the ladies-in-waiting looked like they’d choke
When the strap on the queen’s handbag suddenly broke

But the queen her royal composure very easily maintained
Continued to enjoy the gathering with her dress all stained

Imagine the embarrassment of the one who spilled the food
The offender must have spent the rest of the party subdued

Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth may well be
But she can have bad days just like you and me

To see a picture of the queen in her stained gown, go to this location: 

Details | Narrative | |

The Waffle House Way!

Customers are like bouquets of flowers passing through our twenty-four hours.
Breakfast, lunch, or dinner all 365 calendar days guaranteed for a full twenty-four seven.
“Hello Sir”! Welcome to Waffle House America’s favorite place to eat!
Some say we are the closest thing next to God's Great Heaven!
We have a confusing language of our own, the blabbering towers of the real “April Showers”
Service with a smile that has walked the many hard-earned extra tenths of miles,
Nothing computerized with files, just organized by our own genuine unique styles.
Waitresses are serving with hard enduring time and each crosses over a mighty fine line,
Master grill operators optimize a divine talent marking your plates perfectly aligned.
Friday and Saturday nights the party train arrives blessed coffee to the many lips we’ll revive.
Regulars and irregulars you’re served just the same, pardon me did I really get your name?
Loud ones, quiet ones, and even the picky ones strive to come back to us,
Here we bring back the basics of being alive.
Scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, peppered, capped, or topped? 
So do you want them “All the way or just partly aflame”!
Young, old, or different at being indifferent just being sane, 
Especially when the “Waffle House Way” is to say the first “HELLO”!
“Morning Mam”! Can I get you your usual or will you be having something different  “TO GO”?
Brief moments of insanity with the moods that walk through our doors, 
Thank God for every single one of those Jukeboxes!
The quality of service opening an eye to the sly foxes, 
We’d really be in trouble if we sold liquors!
Foreign, military, and even civilian are in and out, 
Our servers are like the gold stored at Fort Knox.
So what can we get you today that you haven’t already had before?
 “The Waffle House Way” America shouts!
 It’s like being home because that’s what we are all about.

Details | Burlesque | |

So Why'd You Sneeze On My Macaroni And Cheese?

So why'd you do this to me,
To sneeze all over my diner- to- be?
Now I'm real pissed at you,
Cause you got the flu,
And I don't know if this is cheese,
Or some yucky part of your sneeze,
And I ask you to please,
I'm beggin' on my knees,
Please leave my food alone,
Cause I am so prone,
To catch a bad flu with great ease,
So keep away your flu germs,
I'd rather eat worms,
And swing in the trees,
Naked in the breeze,
My sorry butt to freeze
To eventually sneeze and wheeze.

Details | Alliteration | |

Weighty Wanda

When weighty Wanda 
Discussed her dreadful diet 
She sarcastically said
Easy! I eat everything I eyeball

Details | Rhyme | |

Don't Eat Welsh Rarebit

I know what you want to order for dinner, Welsh Rarebit.
But if you order it again, I swear that I'll have a fit.
You sleep in the buff and the Welsh Rarebit makes you walk in your sleep.
As you walk through the neighborhood butt naked, the men always peep.
When you last ate Welsh Rarebit, you got your gun in your sleep and blew off two of my toes.
I cried like a baby as I called 911 because the Emergency Room was where I had to go.
I have a short fuse and if I blow my top in public, you won't like it.
But that's exactly what is going to happen if you order Welsh Rarebit!

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Free verse | |


I'm pushing this heavy cart 
without any strenght left,
and through isles swarming with shoppers  
I'm confused by the above signs;
I rush to the one I missed dismaying onlookers.
How can I be so forgetful...
shouldn't I have a list of all items
I use thoughout the week?
I admit that guys are different from gals
with their minds focus on household things!

Yes, we guys aren't as patient as they are,
looking for bargains is a thriftiness that bugs us;
and down those isles we go..not reading labels,
not comparing prices...just filling up our shopping cart
with food we don't really need!  And who will be embarassed
when the cashier tells us annoyingly that the credit card
has been declined! Oh, good grief...we don't carry enough cash,
to avoid blushing in the publice eye while the the line gets longer!  

My advice to you guys: before you venture out shopping, stash your wallet
with enough cash, or check the balance on your credit or debit card;
it's another way of being smart! And besides being admired, you may also find romance
while you are in line and a pretty girl smiles, trying to start an intelligent conversation...
leading to a date or even marriage! Do you get it? Look sharp, flash lots of money
and really get lucky! If you fellas do what I have suggested, 
you'll have broads flocking to you and your buddies will envy you for your luck!

Details | Blank verse | |

mixed memory

A Mixed Memory 

When mother made gateau for someone’s birthdays
I beat the cream using a steel whisker. Boring work 
before the cream thickened and could be spread on
the cake, but it was worth it, as I got to lick bowl. 
I thought of this as a tempest whipped the sea into
a froth. In the galley I had a mix-master and could
whisk up cream in no time, only I didn’t have the real
stuff , had to use condensed milk but I didn’t feel 
inclined to lick its residue. The tempest blew into 
storm, the ship was jumping about like an untrained
colt refusing to have a rider on its back. Life boats
 smashed, ship railings too we only hoped she could 
ride out the storm. In Hamburg I walked ashore and 
ate a piece of Black Forest Gateau, awe-inspiring. 
And to sit in a coffee shop that didn’t throw me off 
my chair like demented colt.    

Details | I do not know? | |


Chocolate’s a drug, but it’s legal
It wont get you on charges in court
You can buy it on any street corner
There is no other drug of this sort
Its power is quite meteoric
As its essence goes straight to the brain
The feeling you get is euphoric
You can do it again and again
Each bar that you eat feeds the urges
But once it has passed by your lips
As into your brain chocolate surges
A little will stick to your hips
Your beam will get wider and wider
You will start to stand out in a crowd
They will know you’re addicted to chocolate
There is no need to say it out loud
And as the addiction gets stronger
You’ll eat chocolate with every course
You won’t have friends any longer
You will find yourself wracked with remorse
As your rear end continues expanding
And your energy levels get low
You will find exercise more demanding
When you’ve only one speed, and that’s slow
Luckily there’s a solution
It’ll get you up off of your back
Just make it your new resolution
To get an addiction to crack

© John W Fenn  08-05-2009

Details | ABC | |

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Train (

Well we certainly did it last night
When we went grocery shopping, there was a slight oversight
The dog will not eat his regular feast out of the bag under the sink
But he won't go thirsty, he will have plenty to drink
He's a good old boy, he will not complain
We're having Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes topped with the dog's Gravy Train
The chunks seemed to soften as they were put on the stove to bring out the flavor
The family will find out if it is something a person would savor
The smell was quite odd, not bad, not good, just odd
Maybe this would be gourmet in some areas abroad
As the kids sit the table, with the plates all the trimmings
The secret item is reduced to simmering
Everyone is ready to hear about the brown chunky stuff on the potatoes, I begin to 
We forgot our usual Mc Cormick's instant, so we had to Fido's Gravy Train
Everyone at the table looked at one another
I hand the first plate to their mother
The next serving I passed to our daughter of  age three
Then the next one came to me
I took one bite, the chunk shimmied down the throat
My stomach instantly began to  bloat
The three year old took a bite and passed gas with the sound of a Whooping 
Needless to say we gave Fido back his Gravy Train

Details | Verse | |

Blessing for Cats

a pleiades

Back off, speedy cat, wait for the word;
Brakes on, until the blessing be heard.
Button up, fat lips, let us give thanks.
Brother, do you remember the Manx?
Busy with gobbling, he failed to pray.
Buzzsaw, the dog, determined to play,
Bob-tailed cat, end result, on that day.

Details | ABC | |

Drinking My Way Through the ABCs

Apple pucker gets things started.
Bacardi Limon, with Sprite of course.
Cactus Juice, on the rocks.
Dirty mother, one of my Kahlua faves.
Eggnog, now even more so my Christmas fave.
French Connection, takes me to France for next to nothing.
Gin and tonic, just to try it.
Hypnotiq, I'm hooked on it.
Incredible Hulk, he'll tear you up.
Jack Daniels, my new best friend.
Kahlua, add it to coffee...mmmm mmmm good.
Long Island Iced Tea, one is not enough for me.
Malibu and Coke for an island escape.
Nuttini, the only martini that I will touch.
Ouzo, Greeks can keep this for themselves, I wouldn't mind one bit.
Pina coladas, problems soon forgotten.
Quince liqueur, if I have the time.
Rusty Nail, the kind I don't mind if I encounter.
Sex on the beach, now that's always fun.
Tequila one, tequila two, tequila three, tequila floor.
U-238, the only bomb I wanna be blown away by.
Velvet Hammer, can pound on me anytime.
Whiskey, Irish whiskey, preferably...goes down smooth, doesn't burn.
XXX, the Molson that will wreak havoc with my head.
York Peppermint Patty shot when my breath needs refreshing.
Zima, for something to break the ice.

Details | Cinquain | |

No Reprieve

deprived --
main course only!
no chocolate ice cream,
when you sup at the restaurant.
no treat.

Details | Nonet | |

Romantic Dinner

Saying Whatever, Why don't you care
Why should I have bothered with you
I tried so hard without thanks
Should have made Beans and Franks 
I had slaved all day
In the Kitchen
now you get 

Details | Haiku | |


White mouse with cheese runs
Siamese cat one-half paw
Behind, what faces

Details | Free verse | |

My Shame

A dull thud in my head…growing to a massive ache
As the sun creeps through the cracks in my blinds
Even before the scream of the most annoying alarm
Rages most days in my poor ringing ears

Much like an addict in the dark corners of the city’s edges
I am beckoned by a need so powerful, my body knows its name
Otherwise an independent soul, what part of me allows such dependence?
My shame of its control over my mortal soul

No function, no coherence; 
Only this nagging pull of my very being.
I throw back the covers and creep from my room
The thought of my fix becoming a powerful incentive

I pry open my crusty eyes to find my way 
I eagerly reach for the bag, carefully pouring, measuring 
Then grinding down my fix to just the right consistency
The agony of the waiting until it’s ready…perfection

First pausing to relish the bliss about to come
My initial shame of the morning long lost in the anticipation
As I slowly inject, infuse, this powerful demon into my shaking body
Ecstasy flows through my veins.  

Once is not enough.
I must have another…
That hot, steaming cup of coffee…ahhhhhhhhhhhh
I will make it through another day.

Details | Free verse | |

i choose life and ice cream

life sucks
so does death
so ill pick the one with ice cream
and best friends

Details | Senryu | |

Powdered Sugar Mountain Fair

Powdered Sugar Mountain Fair
Ephemeral fair,
Hundreds of funnel cakes made;
Fluid team work day.

Details | Light Poetry | |



Salmon, salmon every day
Every time and every way

Alaska breakfast
Salmon lunch
Add some nuts
To make a crunch

Thank you fisher man
My friend
For sharing
Salmon without end

What is prized in cities far
Fills my pantry
Jar by jar

White wine adds a little bite
When I whine I feel contrite
But the fragrance of this fish
Makes me want
Another dish
When I yearn
For beans or rice
Please be patient and be nice.

Oh, New Yorkers
Call on me
Trade me fora ton of Brie.

Details | Couplet | |

Be Wary Berry

Merrily cherries were chatting with berries on bunches of bushes below;
the cherries were scaring the berries with stories that every new berry should know:

"Beautiful cherries are succulent very so we became fruit of the sky,
but pitiful berries on earth where you tarry cannot please the tongue nor the eye.

Innocent berries I pray you be wary for mortal consumption is nigh,
and it must be scary to die along dairy in coffins that they call a pie!"

Hominal creatures with ravenous features were coming to pick their dessert.
But which one will sweeten the pie to be eaten the fruit of the sky or the earth?

"It will be scary when they pluck 'n bury your souls in their pies to digest;
I hear such a pastry is terribly tasty when given a berrily zest!"

Mary saw favor in that which had flavor so she found the cherries the best;
the cherries were shaken their rubies were taken to bake in a fiery chest.

Scarily berries were mourning the cherries who fell to a sugary greed;
although all the berries were no longer wary for cherries are tasty indeed!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Pie to Die For

I once ate an entire pecan pie,
I didn’t save a piece for you, I didn’t even try.

It was the kind with pecans in a design across the top,
Once I started in on it, it seemed I could not stop.

The custard in the center had a taste of sweet aged bourbon,
The flaky crust around it held it tight just like a turban.

But the thing about this pie that would not let me budge,
Was a very thin perfect layer of gooey chocolate fudge.

I’m not sure just who it was that first conceived of this kind of pie,
But if you eat an entire one there’s a good chance that you could die.

So I pledge to help protect you from your possible demise,
I volunteer right here and now to eat all future pecan pies.

Details | Verse | |



With an empty bowl an owl may howl;
At drinking beer a deer may sneer;
Porcupine sometimes on pork may dine,
Or rabbit if they can’t break the habit.

I’ve  often seen a snake ache for cake
Or a crane in pain for  grain.
For pancakes a  crocodile will smile for a pile, 
For chaff a giraffe may laugh.

But if I was wanting  to eat  goose,
Standing here with my gun on the loose,
I’d be busy picking a gaggle  -
If  I wasn’t  already gagging for a pickle.

Details | Rhyme | |

Dinner for Two

The best part of the day
is when we get to play
in the kitchen.

Rarin’ to go
hunger is so
deep we’re itchin’

to turn up the heat
whip up the sweet
tangy sauces

While it comes to a boil
pour on the oil
Salad tosses.

Strip outer layers
from tubers and taters
then steam ‘em

Pound the filets
sizzle and braise
to perfection

Juice freshly squeezed
down on our knees
in thanksgiving

Abundantly fed
we head off to bed…
for dessert…….

Details | Rhyme | |


A city with the tallest skyscrapers,
many languages spoken by friendly faces,
bridges that are wonders connecting the five boroughs,
and amidst art and folklore, there's always a clown with hysterical laughs.

The mighty towers were suddenly brought down by
a hatred too gruesome to remind all of lost lives; 
they were the Motherland's pride: the two jewels of master minds,
the new ones, much prettier, are quickly rising up against the same sky.

Do I feel safe? I definitely do with the beautiful Lady Liberty
holding up the bright torch and needless to say how brave she is,
more than a sentinel who loves her immigrants who assimilate her ways
that they desperately seek in the name of freedom and equality.   

A city founded by courageous men escaping religious persecutions by waterways,
even God blessed her for keeping her faith and made her great up to our days;
it's proper to say that this is the world capital for technology, art and trade...
so it's easy to guess where I am living now...the city where fortunes are made. 

Details | I do not know? | |

Peanut Butter is Better

Yes, you certainly did read that right.

Peanut butter is better then bitter books because....
bitter books don't go well with your favorite jelly.
And that's just the plain truth. In a nutshell if I may.

It's simple really. If you can imagine smearing your
favorite butter be it crunchy chunky or even creamy
all over the most bitter book rather than lavishly atop
your favorite jam well then I think you can imagine
just what I mean. The pulp would stink.

And what else could be worse? So hear me versed
if you ever want to make a bitter book better than
rather slather your fave butter into it save for
the real jam and use something else, like... well ...

I don't know what would be good with bitter books
but... having said that I'll also add save your nuts
for the fruitcake anyway.

... pause ...
:)~ AND laugh...

Details | Free verse | |


I'm innocent your honor

I did not murder my husband.

I'm just a  victim of fate.

you see I was making his favorite

spanish rice and matza balls.

I reached up for some Old Spice

and  accidentaly got the Bug Be Gone.

no sir, he didn't suffer

at least I don't think so.

he ate it all.

Details | I do not know? | |

When Bodda Boom ! Met - Bodda Bing !!!

Years had passed still I had every bit of reason to grasp/

That true essence of what he said/
Yet there was many thought's inside my head ?
Like the time I drove my big wheel into the yellow Ollie !
I was speechless in thought and deed

Still I never bothered to take heed/

All I wanted to do was just speed !
That's how Bodda Boom met with Bodda Bing !!!
You all know what I mean ?
I even could hear that sweet little bird sing/

Bodda used to be a good friend until when
Bing came strolling into the town/
Many thought the freekin guy was such a clown
So nobody wanted him around/

Today Bing resides right next to The Jersey Shore
Last I knew he lived with a whore ?
Yet who knew/
About that two timer Boom/

He's the spitting image of Jessy James/
Then with his face I'd like to rearrange !
How could he do that to such a beautiful lady !
She's better off settling for Wavy Gravey !

So it was back to the past,
We had every reason to grasp/
That day when Bodda Bing met up with Bodda Boom !
Yet who knew ?

Details | Lyric | |

A Trip To Heaven

At times, the world demands too much
And more than I can give
So then I close my eyes and dream
A special place I'd like to live
There's calmness, peace and warmth in the air.

Details | I do not know? | |



The monster crept Into my house, quite late on Friday night
I wrestled and I struggled and I put up quite a fight
The onslaught was ferocious, when I thought I had him beat
He came back with such power that, he knocked me off my feet
We rolled around the floor for what appeared to be an age
Then looking in the monsters eyes, I saw his inner rage
I knew that he would never stop, but fight until the death
He smiled his sickly smile and hit me with his cocoa  breath
His ferocity relentless, my body soon turned numb
Resistance now was futile, and I knew I’d soon succumb
The battle lost, I opened up a bar of chocolate bliss
The chocolate monster blessed me with a chocolaty kiss
So if you get a visit from a creature such as him
He isn’t such  a monster don’t resist him, just give in.

© John W Fenn  28-05-2009

Details | Senryu | |


You can't buy my love
Just make a small down payment
Bring me dark chocolates

Details | Senryu | |

Did They Advertise

Did Oscar Mayer
advertise since the Weiner
twitter scandal broke?

Details | Ottava rima | |


Life has an unseen, funny side...
more thrilling than a pony's ride;
am I so discouraged and doubtful without a realistic insight, 
to give upon my half-won battles,
and the people who seem uncaring?
But does it mean that no flame is burning,
and the hands on the clock have stopped moving;
how long have you known me and didn't see my woes?

O friends, I don't mask myself under disguise,
and I don't hide beyond the false smiles to genuinly express myself;
anything I say or do is a pure delight and surprise!
Externally I may seem friendly and affectionate,
but internally I churn the bitter reality of my plight:
a lonely seeking the unlonely on the edge of a cliff,
where his voice is stronger than the hot wind;
a fearless voice echoing amid the massive and rugged canyons of the desert! 

Come rain, and soothe my thirst with your raindrops, wash my hands and feet
that need to rest after the longest and remotest jeourney;
in a dark cave, I will find refuge and by the crackling fire I'll sleep!
And peeking through the shadows, I'll see many stars twinkling to keep me company;
and what else, beside this guitar can cheer up a lonely seeking the unlonely?   
Huddled under this warm blanket, I'm too confortable to go hunting, although I'm hungry;
beer and chili are enough to fill up my belly until light shimmers through the thick fog,
then would I feel like a lonely seeking the unlonely...if the pelting rain inspired a song?

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | I do not know? | |

Slam 1 - Big Mister

its funny how  you mention my plethora of girth
this coming from Mister looks like hes given birth
whose idea of excersise is lifting a fork
while drinking straight gravy and munching on pork

See, working at Mcdonalds aint a problem, its true
coz further down the menu they make salads too
so dont even try to give me your flack
Mister Quarter pounder with fries, choc shake and Big Macs

Mister bucket of chicken with pride and with flair
who can eat the whole lot and not want to share
Mister cheese sauce on salads runny eggs and a steak
so dont even try to mess with my weight

i loves ya big brother, Mister 200 plus pounds
you say uv got looks i say thats profound
last time i looked i can run down the street
Mister tries to look down but cant see his feet?

so the next you try and mess with my groove
remember big Mister i got all the moves
so dont try to beat me, it'll end up the same
you may have the looks, but bro ive got the game

Details | Senryu | |

Zen and the Art of Cannibalism (or, Serial Killer Senryu)

Unseen hungry ghost
Predator in human skin
Lurks among the herd

Some folks drool for lamb
Others beef, but I prefer
The *other* red meat

Arcing silver edge
Slices a dark horizon
Full moon or my knife?

God's hand carves the earth
Canyon river running red
Metaphor in flesh.

Blood on my good shirt:
I just had this damn thing cleaned!
People are so rude.

Sleek steel crimson-graced
Open window into you

Fresh-plucked beating heart
Just like a ripe tomato
Crush it in my jaws

Warming up the grill:
Home-made chuck on seeded buns.
Long pork for dinner!

Gleaming white arches
Spin around the spinal cord
Horseshoe, played with bones.

Details | I do not know? | |

Chicken Soup

Salty liquid, 
Floating letters
And sinking chicken
Warm the blood.

Details | I do not know? | |

Mr Orange

Poor Mr Orange 
what a sorry site
He’s been lay in the fruit bowl 
for many days, many nights

All shrivelled up his skin looks
Bruised, battered, needing a new hip
Oh how he remembers the days 
when he was just a pip

The farm he did grow up in
His friends from the orchard too
The tree where he did ripen
Deep orange his colour grew

But now he’s lay in a fruit bowl
Slowly growing old
Becoming over ripened
And starting to grow mould

He looks back on his sorry life span
Thinking what could have been
All the good he had to offer
Now all a distant dream
So next time you buy some oranges
Remember what there purpose be
And eat them all as soon as possible
Cuz there full of vitamin C

Details | ABC | |

When Twinkie the Kid Battled Captain Cupcake (

When this happened it caught the world off guard
An epic scene, a memory that you could not discard
Who would have guessed these two titans of obesity and tooth decay
Would break so many kid's hearts in such an upsetting way
The loving memories before this you could not forsake
The day Twinkie the Kid battled Captain Cupcake
Toucan Sam would choose sides and give the Kid some twine
Cap'n Crunch would throw his fellow Captain a life line
Fruity Pebbles took one side and Trix Rabbit took the other
Aunt Jemima split sides with Uncle Ben her twin brother
Count Chocula severed ties with his long time friend Tony the Tiger of Frosted 
Nobody realized how much trouble was started when Twinkie the Kid battled 
Captain Cupcake
Now both state their case in front of the FDA 
This is to determine who goes and who stays
The Twinkie Kid tells about his spongy outside
Captain Cupcake fires back with his pure chocolate pride
Captain Cupcake mumbles I bet you would get seasick
Twinkie the Kid hears and replies I know a rotund fella like you couldn't control a 
lasso or perform horse riding tricks
In  the end, they both reconcile and admit trying to outdo one another was a big 
Generations down the road, history will repeat itself with a legendary battle of 
belly busters between Twinkie the Kid and Captain Cupcake

Details | Haiku | |

Christmas Haiku

Jojo loves to bake
All day cookies, pies, and cakes
What a tummy ache.

jojo7   2006

Details | Sonnet | |


But soft! What light breaks through windshield yonder?
It is Mickey D’s.
Shall I stop, I ponder,
or shall not stopping be my destiny?

Those bronzed french fries,
full of transfat.
Their business will die,
if they get rid of that.

Oh! Those golden arches 
signify my next meal.
So what do I care of the starches?
I say, I’m getting a Happy Meal.

So if I’m sitting, eating with joy,
don’t mess with me, or my toy.

Details | Rhyme | |


It wiggles and jiggles
and feels fun to the touch,
a cinch to make;
something everyone loves.

There are a million flavours,
many are fat free,
jello has been around
for many centuries.

The colours are as vibrant
as a peacock's quills
just pick your favourite;
add water, and let chill.

For something so simple
to bring such pleasure,
it is one of life's mysteries,
that everyone treasures.

So lets pause for a moment
and give thanks to jello;
for who doesn't smile,
at the options of jello.

Details | ABC | |

I Move Out and Only Take the Mayonnaise (

That's it, I've had it
She uses Miracle Whip on her sandwich
I just can't handle this, I can't take anymore
I am real careful when I leave how I slam the door
When I left, I took with me
Not clothes or money
No rare painting or the Mingh Dynasty vase
Just what was in the Prenuptual, my jar of mayonnaise
I don't care for the store brand, Sauer's, Blue Plate or Best Foods
With Hellmann's by your side, to have a sandwich, you never have to be in the 
A BLT, can you imagine that without the B
Let alone it would be just as disastrous without the LT
But then again, this is America, you can fix your sandwich any old way
That's why when I left, there would be no misunderstanding, I would take the 
Some kind of bagel, bread or bun, sun dried tomato,  white or whole wheat
Put whatever you want on the bread, but without out that one thing, it will never be 
Maybe I will become a Health Inspector and find out which brand the restaurants 
If it's not my brand, I will write them up for sandwich abuse
I will find out which type they use, for instance in their Tartar Sauce for their 
Breaded Fish Fillets
Or maybe become a Divorce Lawyer to ensure that when my clients divorce they 
don't lose out on their mayonnaise
This is a lesson I learned even though
It was in Black and White in our Prenuptual
It still seen its day in court
My girlfriend's lawyer said quit playing hard ball, come on be a sport
He further states she's willing to give you the car and your favorite 45 record by 
Stevie Nicks Leather and Lace
I turn it all down and stick to my guns and retain custody of the mayonnaise
To this day, we no longer speak to one another
I got back at her, for years I  have secretly shared it with her mother
Is this something I should feel guilty about, show some remorse
I am going to see if can marry the thing I love the most, it will never end in an ugly 
I don't believe that I am going through a mid life crisis or some kind of phase
Please RSVP me and tell me if you feel this strong about your mayonnaise

Details | Quatrain | |


Green peas and all kinds of beans
are split open to release their seeds,
like those peas in a green pod,
that mother cooked in a huge pot!

One of my dad's friends who wore a veteran's brooch, 
would shamelessly cheat to get a delicious split-pea soup;
mom didn't know he was a cheater, and surely would have hit him
with the wooden dough roller when he peaked with a grim!   

And mom slowly stirred the vegetable soup,
she used to say, " The longer it cooks, the better it tastes! '
And my mouth was drooling to taste those soft peas...
that I took out of the seeds' casings without miscue! 

Mother rushed in the kitchen with a roar of an enraged lion,
" That idiot is playing no fair game! He is a menace to all!
And he passes glasses of brandy to get everybody drunk! " 
" He wants to win no matter what the cost...oh, clever maven! "

The split-pea soup steams like a hot volcano erupting,
the cover of the pot blows off, " What a mess on my stove! " mom  screams...
" It's all his fault that I am in this state! " she continues yelling...
" I still hear his big mouth mocking...wait 'till I have finished cooking these peas! "

Entered in Nathan's Laccese contest, " Two peas in a pod " 

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Rhyme | |

They Are Recalling WHAT

They Are Recalling WHAT!

By Elton Camp

Most car recalls are not a big deal
We’re still safe behind the wheel

Even food recalls are usually okay
If the food was cooked the right way

But it really comes as quite a whack
If they want your pacemaker back

Likewise, if it’s your artificial joint
That to a defect they should point

Now the latest recall that I do hear
Errors in birth control pills they fear

So if you took the pills like they say,
May learn you’re pregnant one day

They admit the pills made the wrong way
Were distributed throughout the U.S.A.

I wonder if Pfizer will take the baby too
Or exactly what it is they propose to do

Details | Senryu | |

E. Coli Outbreak

cartoon character's 
favorite veggie is off
the market.  oh drat!

--  This is for all of us who like spinach and can't eat it until the E. Coli
outbreak has been fixed.

Details | Acrostic | |


once there was an old man on a lane
he always had many cats
then he took a train
and went down another lane

Details | Rhyme | |

My Theory of Moles

I have a theory about mole from the Mexican cuisine.
Some will make you happy, others may make you mean.

They are prepared in many different arrangements you see.
Many of certain special ingredients in a labeled degree,

Some are black, red, and green and may be others as well.
Rich in flavors, and textured ingredients, they do tell.

I have only tasted one in my life; I did not like it at all.
However, I have not discounted them, out of my culinary call.

I also feel they are like the gravies we have here in the states.
My grandmothers and now wife, made different plates.

They all taste uniquely unlike, but I enjoyed them well.
Though right now I must say, my wife’s is tastiest to tell.

Details | ABC | |


Thanksgiving Day has arrived 
in the nippy month of November,
and the dining room is in a festive mood;
Holiday music is softly playing in the living room...
the aromatic smell of the oven roasted gobbler
spreads to each room, to make everyone drool
for a taste  of this delicacy in the late afternoon,      
I bet all of them would!    

Yesterday morning I went to the local supermarket,
and looked for the youngest and fattest turkey,
the one which is tender and moist...a turkey guests love to eat;
and when I spotted the best one, I hurled it into my shopping cart,
and went straight to the cashier acting a little crazy,
knocking down piles of canned food all over the floor,
and making all the customers scream!
Somebody next to me yelled,
" Young man, be careful...look out!" 
Over there...another pile of tomato sauce jars
fell and the breaking glass sounded
worse than a quake hitting this quite town!
Embarrassed, and somewhat hilarious for the unexpected mess,
I rushed out with my heavy shopping bag...trudging like a hunchback!

The oven roasted gobbler steams on the table deplete
with lots of Holiday treats: eggnog, apple cider,
cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, roasted chestnuts
and a set of red candles to match the glossy plates;
O gobbler so perfectly cooked, you're ready for the sharp knife,
and be cut by the volunteer who will say, "Grace!"
O gobbler so tasty and young, wouldn't you love
to come back to life...and poke everyone with your beak?

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Verse | |

Unsavoury Spread

Some say it really is a beast,
This extract made from brewer’s yeast,
And yet, to me, it is a feast
	to celebrate.

The name is French – it is ‘marmite’,
At any meal it is a treat, 
What’s more it never can be beat,
	so on I prate.

Sustaining troops through two world wars,
Or family snacks with you and yours,
It’s lunch or picnics out of doors
	or after eight.

Its viscous texture, brown and thick
Can cause some people to feel sick – 
For me it’s nectar, just a lick
	will captivate.

On bread or toast with cheese or jam,
With chicken, beef or finest ham,
Or even with that dreadful spam – 
	to elevate !

No marmalade or jam on bread,
Nor clover honey, thickly spread
Can better that of which you’ve read,
	which is “my mate”. 

Details | Free verse | |


The sun is shining,
warm summer,night
time to set the grill alight.
Wait untill the charcoal is white,
then you know,it's right.
Bratwurst, steaks,spareribs,
it makes my mouth water,
thinking of this.
The aroma of the meat
sizzling on the grill,
cold beer nicely chilled.
Salads,jacket potatoes,
garlic bread too,
any thing else,just wouldn't do.
Guests seated at the table,
all there from uncle Tom to aunty Mable.
savoring the grilled delights,
talking, well in to the night.
Aunty mable, stands up to go,
not too steady,don't you know.
Nothing to do with the drink,
it's old age, I think.
We party till early morn,
after having drunk, lots of korn.
Telling of tales old and new,
wondering how the time flew.
Yes that was a good night,
now it's time to sleep tight.

Details | I do not know? | |

me like donuts!

Me like donuts
Me like ‘em lots
Me like ‘em better
Than singing green robots!
Me like donuts
Me like ‘em with cream filling
Me can eat a hundred of ‘em
Sittin’ on my sofa just
Relaxin’ & chillin’ 

Details | I do not know? | |


You are the one I’ve waited for
You are my hearts desire
You are the one I’m longing for 
To quench this raging fire
This is  the love I’ve dreamed of
To last eternally
You are my one true passion
My steaming mug of tea

© John W Fenn  16-12-2008

Details | Verse | |

Solanum Tuberosam

Eight million years ago
	In the mountains of Peru
Solanum tuberosum,
	Common ‘spud’ to me and you,
Was discovered by a native,
	This I tell you for it’s true
		There is nothing a potato cannot do.

This may come as a surprise -
	From the continent of China,
Where they grow McDonald’s fries,
	To the coast of California
To be served in Eddie’s Diner,
	To the caterer, what a prize !
		There is nothing a potato cannot do.

They’re so versatile you know
	And so popular on trips,
Fast-food’s greatest dish ‘to go’,
	Whether pommes frites, fries or chips
All the children love them so –
	Put some inches on your hips !
		There is nothing a potato cannot do.

Whether roasted, mashed or boiled
	Dauphinoisse or yet, sauté,
Mighty sobering when well oiled,
	The potato rules OK !
A reward when hard you’ve toiled –
	Eat some taties every day,
		There is nothing a potato cannot do.

Subterranean tubers bold,
	All around the world are found
And in every country sold –
	These guys really get around,
One day global power to hold
	They wait quietly underground,
		For there’s nothing  a potato cannot do.

Details | Senryu | |

Sushi Bar

Sushi Bar
Music and drinks poured;
Fresh sushi on her body,
He chose his viand.

Details | Burlesque | |

Small Sizes

How come 50 cents bags of chips
taste so much better,
than their big-bag cousins?
Or 7 oz. nostalgia coke soda bottles
have such a taste, oh, so devine?
I puzzle over such things,
I guess I'm just the wondering kind...
So it follows I should be happy,
To have this shrunken mind.

Details | Rhyme | |

A Toast To Mom

oh the weather outside is frightful
and having snowball fights were so delightful

getting hit in the butt and head
then laughing cause you start seeing red

hooking on car bumpers for a little ride
wearing tennis shoes we did slip and slide

mama yelling to get off or you'll be dead
we never listened to what she had said

socks for gloves to keep little hands warm
even amidst a blizzards storm

soaked from head to foot
looking like santa's outfit full of soot

but what I remember about fun the most
was waiting for mama's hot coco and apple butter toast

on that speical Christmas morning day
before the Lord had came and taken her away

   {R.I.P. Mama}

Happy Holidays All
Love Kathy And Jenny

Also Entry For 
Deborah Guzzi's
Holiday Songs In Poem Form
Gl All

Details | Rhyme | |

Mr. Crunch N Munch

Do,Doo-Doo, Do
I got Something for you
Are you hungry or thirsty
What will it be
I got more than meets the Eyes
Tater chips that taste like french fries
Candy, Soda and Gum
Now, who wants some
And, it's All you can eat
Do, Doo-Doo, Do
Crunch N Munch
A whole bag bunch
Do, Doo-Doo, Do
All day through
Just for you
What's on your mind
Coca-Cola, Gingerale, Rock Creek Lime
With a Big Mama or two
Do, Doo-Doo, Do
I got 'Em all for you

Details | I do not know? | |

Supersize Me

I'll have a #3
no onions and,
can you hang on a second?
I need to make an appointment.
Dr. Jones.
My Lipitor prescription needs refilled.
Okay, see you on the 14th then.
I'm sorry,
can I get that with extra mayo?
uh, yeah, sure
supersize it too.
Two apple pies for only a dollar?
Yeah, go ahead 
add those.
Did I say no onions?
oh, okay.
Diet Coke please.

Details | I do not know? | |

My Holiday

The Holiday is almost here because:
I hear the sound of bells ringing for needy kids.
Listen at the tussle and bussle in crowded malls.
People cussing and fussing about their so called in-laws.
While the kids is a pouting about their letters to Santa Claus.
The family is decorating our tree with old fruit looms oops... I meant heirlooms.
So lets break out the eggnog to toast the decking of halls in our home.
With granny in the kitchen baking a yule-tide-log.
Look out here comes the so called in-laws.
Carrying the same old fruit cake we gave them last  year.
Put on a smile and open the door to wish them Happy Holidays with gritting teeth.
As I thank the in-laws for the fruit cake that I take straight to toss out the back door.
Lets sit down to the table to eat our Holiday feast that I slaved on all week.
Over to the tree we go to exchange gifts that we really don't want because its 
something we'll never use.
To your family from ours we wish you Happy Holidays even though were looney 
as hell.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Jack in the Box Tacos

My stomach grumbled
As i smelled the aroma

I was so hungry i could have eaten my socks
I got the 2 for' special
I bought 12

As i took my first bite
it was hard to slow down
So delicious so yummy

but what are these jack in the box tacos?
Are they chicken, beef or pork. . I asked Jeeves

He laughed and he laughed
Silly girl, he said
it is pig intestines, stomach and spleens

My stomach turned sour,
shock on my face

As I turned my head 
vomiting on my sleeve

I couldn't believe the violation
that had just taken place in my mouth

The only thing that made me feel better
was knowing you ate 3 more than me

Details | Free verse | |


A champion within us all

In direct correlation between time & space
To be selective then destined to negate
The difference in an influence & choice
In a dream one can easily scream...

Through a slight of hand & then,

A champion within us all
Now we can stand ten feet tall
Amidst uncertainty & critical excursion
In sullen laughter to help appease disaster

A shoulder to cry amidst a gentle reply

Nature derives destiny from matter
The substance of equivalent structure
A champion within us all
Triumphant over most

Through a lone blade of grass drifting away

A heart beat away from a full pulse display
Still pressed between its current world I know
Then to be suddenly faced into the land of forbidden

A large chasm fix between the two exist

Within the foundation of freedom in swift disapproval
To soar ever higher into its vast domain
The whole world view or fabric in our existence
For many is humbly equated to reckless abandonment

One has to be very careful how they perceive this analogy.

Details | Free verse | |


First comes the line,

Then comes the sinker/
Dealing with Tony is like dealing with a real stinker !
It's so not what you know,
Rather, in many circles it's who you blow !
Out cooking the books with Tone/
He'll be your best bet for gathering and taken in on a loan,
The pool shark Jones had just left the premises !

Cooking the books now for Tone !

Mr. Jones was sleeping nice out around the Mrs./
At one time he thought he was some contender,

Pressed for questions,
There initial approach was all wrong/
Out there painting the town then sleeping nice next to the fishes,
Couldn't pay that last dinner tab ?
Now there staying late at Sally's cleaning all those dishes !
Loose lips sinks ships/
They still may be tripping with Rosie The Derivator ?

Hence, the given line is being drawn in the sand/
Yet to much afraid to stick it to the man ?
Within time their comes a bit of pain/
Like not having you in my arms is driving me insane !
Two Kanuck's came back from Jersey Shore/
One knew Tone,
While the other was sleeping around with a two bit whore !
He was only half Sicillian ?
Tone took in the first/
The second went away for a ride with Tone !

On a very long ride !

Yet is they really knew Tone,
Loves to cook the books on the side !
Just like he likes his greasy french fries/
The mob still rules !
We have no reason by which to run away and hide !
You can fully trust them cause their family.

Details | Rhyme | |

Haggis " ever caught one? "

Welcome world as you read this poem

Its about the Haggis

Scottish Highlands they roam


The lowland Haggis with legs the same

Evolution from the Highlands they came


But the truer beasts, rarely in sight

Run through the hills left and right


With one set of legs longer than the other

On the steep Scottish slopes

They don't fall over


With the world in recession 

We have a tourist boom

Highland Safari's

Have lifted the gloom


So book now to catch your own

Take a photo, email it home

So come the summer, they hibernate

Get on that plane, before its too late

Details | Narrative | |

Heritage Sponges

At least once a month
the stench from my kitchen
sponge gets so bad I refuse 

one more soap saturation
of this primitive sessile. 
Why is it that I can’t toss 

these replicas of marine life, 
amongst the simplest animal form, 
free of tissues, muscles, nerves 

and internal organs? After all, 
during the course of one day I toss out 
all sorts of rubbish—paper towels, 

chicken bones, cheese rind, empty cartons,
newspapers and rotten fruit, but have developed 
a deep attachment with this soggy, smelly 

two-dollar purchase. I take it into my hands 
and scan it,  as if looking for the spot 
of defending stench or to hear the ocean 

from where it came. Finally, I decide 
to toss the thing into the dishwasher 
with my daily load, to keep it vital 

a little longer, perhaps a day or a week
or at least until I’m able to establish a degree
of separation from this rectangular block.

My only explanation for this drama
is my daughter is a vegetarian and animal rights’ 
activist, and like her, I want to save all creatures.

Details | List | |

The High Calorie Diet

The High Calorie Diet
(The diet of your dreams!)

BREAKFAST:  Eat plenty of the following:
1.	Milkshake
2.	Date-nut-bar
3.	 2 eggs fried in bacon grease
4.	 Bacon
5.	 Sausage.  

NOTE:  That’s enough.  No need for two slices of dried toast

MORNING SNACK:  ½ of a large pizza with extra cheese and a 2-liter soda of your choice.

LUNCH:  Eat everything on your plate.
1.	Milkshake
2.	Strawberries dipped in chocolate
3.	Potato chips
4.	Artichoke dipped in butter.
5.	Barbeque chicken
6.	Drink Mountain Dew
7.	Carrot cake

NOTE:  Good planning:  Plenty of fruits and veggies!

AFTERNOON SNACK:  Pizza (2ND half), a large glass of whole milk and 1 box of chocolate 
covered cherries

DINNER:  It is the last meal of the day, so eat a lot!
1.	Brown Cow (Chocolate Ice Cream in Root beer)
2.	Corn fritters
3.	Eggplant Parmesan with extra cheese
4.	Baked potato with sour cream and real butter
5.	12oz. Grilled steak (OR more if you are really hungry) 
6.	Sweet potato pie  (You may substitute pecan pie.)

BEDTIME SNACK:  Cookies and Crème milkshake with a box of Oreos on the side.

REMEMBER, many meals a day are better than just three.  No MATTER HOW HUNGRY you are 
DO NOT eat anything that is not on your diet.  Eat slowly to savor your food, ENJOY! >>>  
LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  LOL!  
In your dreams!!! 

Details | Light Poetry | |

Road Food

I really would like to thank you 
for taking me out in your car,
I can’t remember the last time 
that I got away this far.

And even though I’m not the driver 
it’s good to see the town,
No need to hurry back again 
let’s have a look around.

Traffic isn’t any more polite 
they still insist on blowing their horn.
What the heck is that in front of us? 
That car is giant a box of corn.

I really do love popped corn 
And at movies I would eat a lot.
But the size of that box of corn 
fills up a parking spot.

And there’s a mother and her kids 
driving Jell-O pudding packs.
Is this the way to get somewhere, 
do people drive around in snacks?

There’s a hippie in his carrot 
and I guess I should have known,
His bumper sports a sticker, 
“My car was organically grown.”

You should consider getting yourself 
a sporty new bag of chips,
Then spend your time driving around 
looking for roads with dips.

As for me I know just what I’d drive 
and I’d be as happy as a clam,
Because I’d drive a loaf of bread 
and go looking for a traffic jam.

Details | ABC | |

Leftovers From All Over Buffet

Something had just occurred to me 
As I sat and talked to Cleetus Magee
He was only joking that day
I took it serious in an odd, pathetic way
He suggested I open my own place for people to eat
I began to brainstorm on the cost for food, a/c, electric and heat
It hit me like a ton of bricks
After eating some Barbecue at Rick's
So tonight I will make my play
After raiding a few dumpsters, I will have enough to open my leftovers from all 
over buffet
I began by scanning the neighbors trash cans late at night
Not much luck, some Sausage Pudding and Tripe
Next I will raid Applebee's for some quality food to offer
I even found a couple of Golfballs I will give to a friend of mine who is an avid 
As I was dumpster diving, I had some trouble from a couple of stray cats over 
three chunks of meat
After a fight and I received a few scratches, the cats then leave in defeat
I picked up the meat to smell it, free meat my favorite price
With a lot of spices, it will be very well disguised
Then I moved on to the Noisy Oyster
All the seafood was still quite fresh,  it contained  plenty of moisture
I rented a space at a cold storage facility
Until I had enough for some business stability
With every dumpster raid, my food inventory grew
Maybe next would be IHOP, pondering if I should put breakfast items on the buffet 
Tonight I open up the doors
To a feast no one has ever seen before
Just to see the customers go up for seconds or thirds gives me pleasure
The saying is true One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure
One customer said if he didn't have to go to work he would eat all day
Ssh! Please don't reveal my secrets about my leftovers from all over buffet

Details | ABC | |

Ketchup Stains (

There is a place that I will never eat at again
I look back at the nightmare when I was ten
Back then not much of a strong stomach to endure what I did
This horror I couldn't keep hid
First of all, you know that back then, when they used the fly tape
It was full of its intended guests and dangling  three inches from our plates
Some were buzzing and squirming to get free
The scene was already getting the best of me
Welcome to the eatery that leaves you emotionally drained
The name of it is Ketchup Stains
One paper napkin issued to you as you walk in the door
If your table is not ready, you sit on a dirt floor
Sometimes you see a bug or two
It is almost as if the bugs  are not afraid of you
Everyone shares the same utensils and paper plate
That is why with multiple orders, you take turns eating, while other family 
members wait
As you sit  impatiently suffering from hunger pains
The place is crowded,  with free bathroom admission at Ketchup Stains
You ask  the waitress to refill the glass for you daughter
You watch as she dips the glass in the Horse Trough to get the water
You ask the waitress where is the ice
She says when that table there is empty, you can have theirs, now won't that be 
I ask her why do we have to share, this is insane
She says, this is all part of our hospitality at Ketchup Stains
I tell her don't expect a tip for your service
She says give me a reason to modify your food and make you nervous
I tell her it's time we go, cancel the food
She asks where did I grow up and become so rude
We have a history of everyone leaving happy, no one complains
Ya'll come back soon, share a spoon and enjoy some family time at Ketchup 
By the time we left there, we had a car full of hate
It bothered us so much, that night, we took flight and moved to another state

Details | I do not know? | |

Mary had a little lamb

Mary had a little lamb
She roasted it with mint
She didn’t want to do it 
But sadly she was skint
The shepherdessing job she had
Had been outsourced it seems
A shepherding consortium
Had shattered Mary’s’ dreams
The company contracted
To administer the flock
Were highly recommended
As solid as a rock
So Mary’s job had gone for good
It didn’t make much sense
One little lamb one jar of jam
Her only recompense
Insomnia, a side effect
Now kept her from her sleep
She tried all kinds of remedies
Except for counting sheep
So, taking to the bottle
Her body old and tired
Off into oblivion
She finally expired

Details | I do not know? | |

I got a lickin for eating a chicken

(This is a fictional poem)

One day I sure did get a lickin.
It happened when I ate a chicken.
I soon learned that the chicken was a little boy's pet.
Eating it was something I would regret.
I killed the chicken when it wandered in my yard.
The boy's dad came to my house and he sure hits hard.
When the boy's dad asked if I killed the chicken, I said yes.
I soon wished that I hadn't confessed.
The little boy cried when he learned that his chicken was dead.
His father turned me inside out and then he cracked open my head.
He plucked out my hair like I plucked the chicken's feathers.
He threw a hatchet at me and my left ear was severed.
That sure was a tasty hen.
But now I never want to eat chicken again.

Details | Couplet | |

Not What I Eat

If it were true I am what I eat
I 'd have apple pie instead of feet
I'd have hot dogs instead of toes
Cauliflower ears and a cucumber nose
I'd have carrots instead of legs
And I'd have no eyes just two boiled eggs
I'd have a big watermelon in place of my head
And in place of arms just two loaves of bread
I'd surely have oatmeal where my brain should be
If I thougt this applied to me
For I don't belive that saying is true
I am not what I eat and neither are you

Details | Senryu | |

' Complicated ' 5th Senryu

‘ Complicated ’

Give Me Crème-Fill-Cake
Complicated Cookies Bake
Nuts, That I Can’t Take ! ...

Details | Quatrain | |

tongue ode

the tongue is just another muscle
gives strength to what we think
amidst life's daily hustle bustle
helps thoughts to words interlink

so the father with his mother tongue
speaks to progeny generations come
lessons learned to offspring young
good ways to live, his rule of thumb

still would wince at his tongue lashing
flinching, blinking, cowering and meek
if shouted anger from lips came flashing
'stead of old man's jokes, tongue-in-cheek

but before I become too tongue-tied 
some tongue twister squarely knotted
I'll place my tongue-in-cheek aside
to address these words I've jotted

and tell of my admiration for tongue
no forked tongue falsehood to relate
some silver tongued notes clearly sung
of glossa tongues and hooks and baits

that lovely lingual muscle hydrostat
can do things fit for moans and groans
I can hint, alluding to this and that
of things we tongue like flesh and bones

I think you'll agree with my observations
presented to you, from my mind sprung
and think of your own tasty applications
many things budding the tip of your tongue

© Goode Guy 2011-07-04

Details | Narrative | |


Mi camma to America wid a passion for moni en fud,
hoppin to getta rich;
en de sai det gold is founda in striz!
Mi work en work ol dei
to meke sam dollar,
en mi eat pizza, en drink vino...
mi wanna be lika Al Pacino:
a famos attor ov Hollivud! 
En me veit too mani iers, to see butiful voman 
laika Marilin Monro...whata a fess!
Whata a bodi! A Diva so sexi!
En mi wanna be laika Valentino from Italia,
to sedus ol duh pritty ladi vid mi ciarma;
en ol kiss mi...O locki Casanova!  

English Translation:

I come to America with a passion for money and food,
hoping to get rich;
and they say that gold is found on streets!
I work and work all day
to make some dollar,
and I eat pizza and drink wine...
I would like to be like Al Pacino
a famous actor in Hollywood!
And I waited many years to see beautiful women
like Marilyn Monroe...what a face!
What a body! A Diva so sexy!
And I like to be like Valentino from Italy,
to seduce all the pretty ladies with my charm;
and they all kiss me...O lucky Casanova!!

Entered in Deborah's Gucci, " Dialects make the world go around "
(Brooklyn-Italian dialect)

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Narrative | |


Never attempting of striking it rich,
whenever my cravings give me another itch,
I'm used to a quite and simple life:
enjoying good food and sharing a coldl glass of wine 
when relatives and friends drop by;
why be someone you weren't meant to be?
Any millionaire around the globe,
sipping champagne desiring what I love?

With my beach cap pulled down, 
so that my short hair doesn't sizzle and change color,
as my light skin turns to a golden tan;
yes, I thank God for a breeze cooler than a fan!
Whole afternoons are spend on this pristine beach,
with a waterfront that a Californian will envy,
to melt away that old cliche' of vanity;
come down here...the East Coast is a wonderful shore! 

Low class, middle class and the upper one,
all share this unquenchable feeling,
to lay on the salty sand and begin to dream;
Am I talking non-sense or tackling the zest for living...
that this society has been unawarely denying??

Striking it rich is a temporary fancy,
imagining the possessions money will buy,
and many untaught temptations will materialize;
some will die by snorting deadly coke,
others squandering it on mistresses and hookers...
God, how the human spirit is corrupt  and consumed by lurid
and unhealthy desires that once were out of reach!  
And hopefully someone will ponder this,
to wake up to this gruesome, and parlous reality
and spend his or her fortunes wisely! 

What good people will do for the betterment of the deprived ones?
First give them love from the heart, then help them financially...
that's the smart way caring, of planning to strike it rich;
what's the use of looking at your glittering gold,
and not giveit  away to help anyone whose thirst and hunger
show in the sunken eyes...waiting for someone to feed their bellies!

If I ever stroke it rich, I wouldn't be here enjoying this sunshine, 
but I'll get out there and search for the needy and helpless ones,
and stop the selfishness and madness that money provides;
if I share my good fortune with them, others will follow my example,
and a real change will take poverty everywhere in our world!
Follow me, and search for everyone give them back their precious life!


Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Come On I Want Smore

Ideally assembled right
Sinfully scrumous
Molten mountain gooeyness
Skewered fashioned drive
Do you want
Smore !

Details | Epigram | |

Murder in the Bakery

There was a murder in the bakery,
But all that was left was Doe, you see.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Hot Dog Serenade

Icky nasty hot dogs,
Roley Poley meat logs,
Made of scraps from hens and hogs,
Delightful treat for rats and dogs.

Eat them up in pork and beans,
Eat so much you split your seams,
Eat too much they'll fill your dreams,
Wake you up with sweats and screams.

Trample people to the ground,
When those hot dogs are around,
Fight and punch and kick and pound,
Just to munch those hot dogs down.

Quiet now, just one more bite,
Then put the hot dogs out of sight,
The bingeing's done now for the night,
The heartburn later on to fight.

Details | Cowboy | |

Cowboy Toe-Foo

I think that I shall never see
A cowboy that eats toe-foo—
Sech a dern thang jest could not be
In this ol’ bunkhouse crew!

Real men eats beef an’ pork an’ beans—
And all thangs within their reach—
Us real cowpokes drink coffee black—
Turn noses up at quiche!

Veggies should stay in ranch gardens—
These lips will taste no yogurt!
Good stew and biscuits make amends—
Seaweed makes bellies hurt!

Give us jerky or give us death—
Give us beans till we’re all blue—
But with all your strength and your breath—
Don’ serve us no toe-foo!

Details | Burlesque | |

Tom the Brainless Baker

Got a great recipe
For cheescake...
Decided to make it once...
My experience was to show me
I really am a dunce...

First I had to whip cream cheese
I threw it in a bowl,
Took out my trusty mixers
And thrust it in the hole

The cream cheese was cold,
The mixers started to smoke,
I guess I should have been told
Let it warm up or you will choke

The mixers got hot, the smoke
got thick,
Though not thicker than my head
A flame shot out,
I threw them down
A bit more and I'd be dead

So now it became a manual thing
An exhaused soon was I
I started to wish, for God's sake,
Why didn't I just buy a pre-baked pie?

Some time later I had to seperate
the eggs,
The yokes from the white,
I knew I was in trouble,
For baking at all that night...

Now it said to "fold-in" the egg whites,
I looked at this quite dismayed
How does one "fold" such a thing?
I now knew I should have prayed...

I should have read these instructions first,
I should have known I was too dumb,
To understand a baker's ways
My brain was surely numb

I scratched my head and wondered
How I was supposed to fold
This gooey messy slop,
I should have been pre- told.

I stared at the bowl for half an hour
My demeanor becoming ever more dour
My first attempt and here I was,
My bakery career already becoming sour...

So I called six friends,
Until I found
Someone to illuminate me
This would be the last 
home-made cheesecake,
That anyone would surely see.

So if you need a wedding cake,
Napoleon is at the oven
And if you wish an eclair,
You must supply me
with the ec....
And if you think I'll bake for you
I'll wring your scrawny neck!

Details | Rhyme | |

Sly Ole Fox

Sly red fox sneaking around
The master's great estate
Watching and waiting for one
To open the gate  to  the crate

That housed a hen that was a ten
She was fat and sleek with plenty to eat
Rested, refreshed with leisure complete
That sly ole fox found a spot

Hidden from view so he thought
He watched as the master
Opened the crate door letting
The fat hen  come  out and explore

So that's how to get at that hen
I'll dress up and just pretend
That I am the master of the estate
Then I'll just open the gate

I'll get that hen that is a ten
And for lunch I'll invite her in
But in the pot of stew she will go
She'll make dumplings for me to show

Details | I do not know? | |

Home Baked Wared

Boxes and boxes of lovely soft creams,
ready to be loaded on our ship of dreams.
Chocolate cream pies, and chocolate E'clairs,
lemon filled donuts, and Jelly cream bars.

Oodles and oodles of illicit delights,
watching my hips grow out of sight.
i shan't resist, some coconut cream pies,
bulging above my double sized thighs.

With my mouth watering I sit and stare,
at all these wonderful home baked wares.
Give me fortitude, squeezed out with a tear,
need some treats? Help yourself my dear.

When over fed, I am finding to my ilk,
groaning, I need more cookies and milk.
A situation I should not have begun,
encourages a visit to the dietitian.

Details | I do not know? | |


Bobby Burroughs bought a bunch of butter bagels,
Bundled in a butter bagel box.
But Bobby Burroughs found the bagels bitter,
So Bobby bought a box of better lox.    

Details | ABC | |

Mr. Turducken

I have toured the country from North to South and East to West
People's patience with me has always been a test
I am called for year around
In an environment with intense heat, I tan to a nice golden brown
In a freezing climate, I have pale, smooth skin
Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Mr. Turducken
I am famous and world renown
From the big cities to the littlest of hick towns
In the  oven or in a turkey fryer to cook
I am now the king and queen of the recipe books
I am always quiet, no gobble gobble, quack quack  not even some cluckin'
Try me once and you will be hooked, for I am Mr. Turducken
Do I need to be seasoned, please add if you choose
But I have a natural flavor, you not want to lose
I go well with any side dish
I come plentiful, so eat all you wish
After a few chunks of me, your shirt you will no longer be able to tuck in
I am not with Jenny Craig, you won't find a diet menu with Mr. Turducken

Details | I do not know? | |

Thankful on Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, what are you thankful for?
I'm thankful for my health, my cats and more.
When we think of stuff to be thankful for, it makes us happier instead of sadder.
Don't eat too much turkey or you'll get fatter.

Details | I do not know? | |

If Eve hadn't ate that apple

If Eve hadn't ate that apple, we'd be going out in public in the nude.
We could go to the library in the buff and not get sued.
If Eve hadn't ate that apple, Hugh Hefner would be out of work.
We could visit our neighbors with nothing on and not be called jerks.

Details | Senryu | |

How Solutions Can Be Born

credit bills piling
on the kitchen table. it
is time for a fast.

Details | Free verse | |


In my sixteens I used to go to Rockaway Park
on the A train made famous by Armstrong's song,
it had rides, small restaurants and a clean beach...
there I got golden brown with lots of cappertone.
I looked more handsome in a tan that boys envied,
and flexing my sexy body, I seduced many girls.

Back then in the late sixties, gals who whistled
to get a boy's attention was considered rude,
had they lived today, it would have been quite normal...
has any woman winked at you when you walked 
on the boardwalk or lay on a beach towel?
Don't be embarrassed because lifestyles change... 
and we must change, if we ought to fit in!

Sometimes romance or flirting didn't come that easily,
with a long face I hopped on the train and viewed 
the Jamaica Bay with its wild life unfolding before me...
the quietest place for a teenager who loved Nature;
and while many sunsets saw me spell-bound,
I hated to go back and live the mundane life, 
but at least I had gotten an adorable tan and looked hot! 

My completion is ruddy as Adam's was...what a healthy, attractive color!
It wont take much sunblock to get darker than those California guys...
what about the pretty girls seen on Baywatch? Pamela looks great in summer.
And crossing my fingers, I wish for one like that to excite my nights!

Details | Kimo | |

New Year Money

Pots full of collard greens and blackeyed peas
Are surely Superstition's
Tastiest traditions.

Details | Ballad | |

Pork Skins

Some people eat them plain, some with hot sauce
They buy no matter what the cost
They have swept the nation, have become a craze
If not on the shelves, customers call it a disgrace
It is said that gluttony is a sin
But no one cares, they just want their pork skins
Someone said with soy sauce they are pretty good
A new flavor coming out soon, smoked over hickory wood
Try them with jalepeno and cheddar dip
KC Masterpiece may be the trick
So I say let the party begin
Can't have a party without pork skins
The skins finally arrive
The party comes alive
The girls flock around the designated potato chip bowl
They begin to fight over the contents, this party is way out of control
After the bruises, bloody noses and broken bones, the last one standing wins
For the victor comes the spoils, her own bowl of pork skins
This here was a limited time offer
The victor just happened to be a sailor's daughter
Keep in mind that we are from the south
We are extremely careful what kinds of food we put in our mouths
The stores just can't keep them on the shelves
If I could, I would have them all to myself
In Laura Ingalls' days they were served in a tin
Even Laura couldn't go without her pork skins

Details | Free verse | |

Broken Promises

The spirit of the age has tempered vile degrade
In desolation it's will torn wild
We send vomit into letters exposed to loosened fetters
Erupted in mass chaos in its plausible quest
The more we want so the more we in turn invest
We wait in idol fancy as some lost souls in Sid & Nancy
We hurt then tie the tube getting loose lube filled with screws
We plummage into a violent existance isn't it relevant?
We think were alone yet we never are cause God is still in charge
In social regard toward difficult matters that appease
We lose sight of love & social need
In foot steps drawn in the sand someday we may learn & understand
In columns of rescued menure pile in its claim
The world outside is totally insane
A casual encounter with a so called friend?
The next day you got Aids, now you got pain!
The choices we make to appease the mind
In columns of choiced red, blue & brown....

Broken promises through its shattered glass filled with pain
Broken promises  can easily drive a man insane
A court jester will amuse the crowd as long as there is an occasion
Perhaps society is in need of a break on a long awaited vacation?
Closed minded sentiments filled in vile affection
The novice gets hungry stops at his local 7 eleven
Promises made in the dark have come full circle into the light
Broken Promises with advant garde choices made in the night
Elaborate decorum in want of passage;
We last a minute & grieve as the savage!

Details | Rhyme | |


Yummy, yummy need 
something good for my

Make something good for 
my tummy for I am so very 

Yummy, yummy, yummy 
thank you from my tummy…

By Sandra Lea Hoban

Details | I do not know? | |


When pretzels make my tonsils tingle,
I give their status lots of thought:
The long, straight, thin ones must be single. For  they have yet to
tie the knot.

Details | Quatrain | |

Eating Mud

I wish I could eat mud,
Though I've not wished it before;
Never again would I hunger,
For I'd have food galore!

I'd have mud pies and mud cakes,
With fresh-whipped clay for icing,
And mud is cheap as dirt today--
Can't argue with that pricing!

Details | Light Poetry | |


Granny, you need to push back the plate
Or go down stairs and work on that weight
Granny, you needed to start watching what you ate

Oh! That hurts, you weigh too much
I don't mean to be a grouch and such
But when on me your whole weight touch

My springs start to sag and padding goes flat
Especially when you also add the fat cat
Or that chubbie granddog who weighs ..well fat

Promise me you'll make a new year's resolution
To lose ten pounds that would be the solution
No more confections  or pizza or fries try exercise, exercise

(I could not think of one from a chair's point of view and I know that you will find this 
strange but I am through.  For the Speak, Chair contest.)

Details | Bio | |

Newlywed Cook From Hell

Oh, boy!!!  This one might be hard to believe, but is true, never-the-less.  

My last wife....
Scourge of my life,
Taught me thru culinary torture...
It was wise to hide her kitchen knife...

One time, we got,
From her uncle,
Who owned a hot dog truck,
A couple of pounds of
his franks....
It seemed like good luck...

I was sitting in the livingroom,
Not too much long later,
When an explosion I heard,
As if a grenade had been
tossed through the window....
Perhaps some demented
Newlywed hater...
It seems, she'd thrown
those franks,
Into our oven,
Turned on the heat,
Like a roaring fire,
Beneath a huge,
Demonic stew pot...
Of a witches coven...

She failed to notice,
These franks were wrapped
up in plastic...
That exploded when heated,
Yes, her cooking was spastic.

Another time,
She announced she'd
Cook us up some steak,
Went right to the cupboard,
Where I watched as she did take....
A large bottle of vegetable oil,
Poured it into the skillet...
And plopped in the steaks,
Into which she added more oil,
In an attempt to just fill it!
I watched in amazement,
My eyes growing large,
I attempted to think up,
A way for me, of this meal,
A manner to dodge...

Oh, she was quite a pip!!
To her, gourmet food,
Was a Wise Poato Chip!

Details | I do not know? | |

Bad, Bad Foods

Raw, raw foods
Ain’t the true goods for you.
You can die hard from raw intoxication,
Contamination, I-in-inflammation…!
Cook ‘em all the way through, yo.
“Y’all chef and staff,”
“I can’t eat this. Its raw, raw m-meat—is r-raw-raawh meat!”
“Oh…. Well its just fine, some people do it all the time.”
“I ain’t like them others, and this food is clearly undercooked…”
Leavin’ the restaurant, no tip,
Bee’cause I got a grip and oh yes,
Raw grease on da floor, I see the chef slip. 
Actin’ like its nothing, but really—
Its bad, bad foods. Raw, raw food.
I ain’t gonna buy it, nor eat it if already bought’n it.

Details | Free verse | |

The Four Pound Problem

As i sit there staring back at what could be considered, the biggest, defeat that ever
faced me.
Being tempted by the savoring aroma along with the idea of sinking my teeth into such a prize.
Can't seem to pull away like some unknown power beckons me, to face my challenge with
great pride.
Delicately, removing the top part only to find the main attraction that is the center of
it all.
Enlarging the monstrosity of it all, like builders would put together a building as it
goes upward.
Finding more and more to add to it, and wondering how my human sized mouth will finish
this off.

Giant sized now, and looking at it sit there in front of me with eyes wide as my mothers
sauce pan.
Handling something this large has never been handled before by anyone in my family, for
we're human.
Isn't this illegal or should it not be illegal, for humans to devour such things as this
one now.
Just thinking of it sitting in my stomach makes me feel rather large, and now i start to
Kids gather around my table with big eyes and daring smiles, just waiting to see if i can
Losing all hope of backing out of the deal, starting to consider the best way to start

Men and women stand around cheering me on, as i break into a cold sweat and start losing
my senses.
Nobody has ever done such a task as this, and i begin to wonder about my own sanity at
this point.
Oh how my stomach starts to turn and grind, as it receives anything it can get for it's
been hungry.
People gather around from miles and miles wanting to see if i make it, or if i will fall
off my seat.
Quietly i chew and chew, and chew some more as my mouth works and my eyes blink in great
Relishing the last bite i see I'm still alive, and can't believe i made it, with not a
crumb to spare.

Surely i get a t-shirt, or a prize of some kind, for achieving such a heroic action and
living still.
Truly people will remember me, and chant my name up and down the city streets for many
years to come.
Unfortunately reality sinks back in quickly like a tidal wave, and I find that my sides
stick out round.
Violently i fight and tug with a pull to get myself out of the chair, and away from the
now smaller table.
Whining to myself but out loud uncontrollably about how i should have never done this, and
now I'm stuck.
X-rays taken and doctors come to visit me, telling me I should have never ordered that
four pound hamburger.

Details | Rhyme | |

Wishing Star/Candy Bar

If you want to lose some weight
Here's some advice you may want to take

If you wish upon a star
While you eat a candy bar
Very soon you will see
You can't wish away those calories

A healthy diet and exercise plan
Can help you more than  wishing can
So, while you wish upon that star
Throw away the candy bar

Details | I do not know? | |


Mary had a tin of spam 
But found she’d lost the key
She sobbed her little heart out
It was needed for her tea
A meal well planned, 
The goodies bought
Young Mary shed a tear, 
Spam sandwiches
Would not be made, 
It soon became quite clear
With table laid and fayre set out
A tempting teatime spread
Alas no meat, was there today
To lay between sliced bread
The guests were due at anytime
So, thinking on her feet
She came up with a reason
For sandwiches “sans” meat
The guests arrived at four o’clock
Said Mary, feeling edgy, 
“I’m sorry there’s no meat today
I’ve just become a veggie”

©  John W Fenn  11-08-2009

Details | Free verse | |



The Line 
There is something to be said for hunger 
A man gets stuck in line 
Becoming number 
Just living for the blessed TRAY of food 
Oh wonderfull food the institution gives to me 
But this is murder of the mind of a creator 
A poet and even a murder yes oh yes a murder 
Notice that eye said so very carefully not a MURDERER 
But eye said a murder 
A murder can be a flock of crows on a tall phone line 
Or a poet left behind 
Eye bet that not even one of the readers of this rhyme 
Even expected me to say that 
Oh ewe where was eye at? 
THE line oh yes the line 
 A man doing a little dance 
A tattoo of the prance 
Waiting just to eat 
He was giving it a beat 
A little rhythum with his legs bent 
Just bending at the knee 
And then a little up and down 
What’s up with that 
It made me wonder what was wrong with him 
The confederate in charge told me 
“That’s slim” 
He does that when he’s waiting in the line 
Just waiting in the line for food again 
He LIKES to eat 
HE likes THE LINE. 

Details | Acrostic | |


Most women on Easter Sunday 
Morning wear festive and elegant
Bonnets to match their bright
Dresses; men wear lighter, sharp
Suits with cheery feeling, not the
Usual dark ones that are so
Depressing and their neckties must be 
Perfect! Coming out of the church in
Throngs, they seem brides and grooms 
Again...chatting and smiling at one 
Another, knowing that He was,
Risen and gone to Heaven to 
Prepare a place for them and their
Children...shouldn't they rejoice   
Today? And sitting at an exquisite 
Table they say Grace, while Easter  
Eggs and bunnies tempt them with their 
Lively colors and sweet smell! Even the 
Dogs and cats hide underneath the table for
An unforgettable, delicious dessert!

Entered in Brian Strand's Contest, "An Easter Picture"

Details | ABC | |

I Talk To Chickens (

It all started when I seen an ad for a farm hand
Outside a town called nobodyunderstands
When I arrived at the farm
There was a ticker tape parade and I was handed a brand new box of Lucky 
I settled in to a room, no a/c just a fan called a breeze box
The bathroom had no door which meant no locks
Josh Jerkis told me I start in the morn' at the first sign of daylight
At  430 am I was awakened to get started, Josh said their chores start while it is 
still night
He tells me to go clean the hen house
I tiptoe in as quiet as a mouse
I hear a voice say lookie here someone new
Then the voice started singing the blues
I introduce myself to the voice that was sultry and sweet
I was shocked to realize it was one of the hens in her nesty retreat
She tells me they are all tired of laying eggs
And losing body parts such as thighs and legs
She continues to babble on about how at night they all sneak out to peak in a 
window and watch tv
They are okay until they see a commercial about KFC
They get as far as It's Finger Lickin'
I know all this because I talk to chickens
This conversation lingered on
She was trying to convince me how their lifestyle was wrong
She said the owner grabs a few once a week 
And looks around and says us humans have gotta eat
At this point I was feeling mighty bad
When I finished in there I very glad
Now it was time for some lunchtime vittles
I seen what they were having so I ate just a little
What they were eating, caused me to become sickened
They were devouring chicken
I tell them I can't do this anymore
Josh says I know it's a lot of chores
It ain't that, it's what you are eating, I can talk to them
Josh looks at his wife and tells her to call Sam
Soon a paneled van makes its way  up the driveway
I lost my freedom that day
Now I am sitting next to a guy named Horace Blicken
All because I talk to chickens

Details | I do not know? | |

A Big Bowl of Nuts

Life just aint peaches and cream
But it’s more like a bowl of mixed nuts
They’re all together in a big ol’ bowl
All together through the why’s and buts’

Sometimes you can meet up with people
That is a pecan pie all by them self
Mostly sweet of Corse, but as we all know
They’re nuts in and by them self.

Some people just take and are crazy as all
An overgrown peanut, you see.
Some are so salty, they make you thirsty
But just let them alone; let them be.

One nut can not really judge another
On how nutty the flavor is.
We are all in this bowl of nuts together
And remember what will be just is. 

Details | Rhyme | |


Donuts are my favorite food, 
They come in many kinds,
I think they are the greatest creation,
Ever made by mankind.
They're made in many flavors,
And some have sprinkles too,
But when choosing your favorite donut,
The decision is up to you.
Donuts are delectable and they're also really tempting,
After having a problem of any sort,
They can really be quite exempting.
As you can see donuts are a real help in life,
They're also the perfect present,
One to give your wife.

Details | Lyric | |

The Quiche is on Fire! (2005)

The Quiche!
The Quiche!
The Quiche is on fire!
Let the people know that the cook is on hire!
Burn baby burn!
Let the new cook 
Let the new cook learn

Details | Alliteration | |

Is It Soup Yet?

Peristalic pangs percolate
rumbling grumbling groans of,
"Feed me!  Feed me!"

Chocolate chomping 
does not curtail the hollow hollering,
"Real food!  Real food!"

A clock controls the
dashing diner of
lunch munch, breakfast break,
or dinner for a spinner
out of this humongous hunger.

A platinum plate if you please
piled provocatively
with a sprawling spread
of vital vittles ASAP.

Ring the bell
grant grace sublime
its time to eat
enough of this rhyme!!

Details | Free verse | |


The perfect dessert for me.
For it has the perfect texture , so consistent throughout.
It's gelatinous yet doughy body that is so sweet to the soul , tongue and mouth.
So beautiful and understating  just like the  perfect spouse.
But Pardon my manners If sometimes I wish to touch you with my hands and skip even using the spoon or  fork.
Skip from I got to wait till you're done, to I can't wait to have some  more.
Have had memories of you and I since back when grandmamma wasn’t so old,
and all I had to do was worry about what my abuelitos and parents told me.
When I finally saw you , suga it was like a dream come true.
Even if I was heavier than I should’ve been at 8 ,I would always take care of you.
And please listen to what I say because it’s only natural that as a former fat boy my words would also carry much weight.
There are so many types of you.
 I've had the worst and the one's in between worse and in between.
But I've matured enough to expand my sense of taste and have acquired more than one sweet tooth.
But to only find out they don't even compare to you.

With your culinary curves it's almost as If I dishonored you with my failed homemade homages.
But can you blame my senses if I feel cozy around you?
Even though my comfort is  only due to your confection,
you will always have my attention due to the enjoyment I feel in your presence,
For that I'' always say please and thank you.
With that cherry on top I just can't wait.
And I’ll see you, I’ll be picking you up at my abuelitas at eight.
I'll my bring my taste buds and you bring yourself.
But don't you worry about left over crumbs,
because I always clean my plate.

Details | I do not know? | |

I slept with Daffy Duck

(This is a fictional poem)

I slept with Daffy Duck and I'm so ashamed.
Instead of making love to a woman, I made love to game.
I was drunk when we got in the sack.
He was so sexy because he was black.
When my girlfriend found out, she forgave me even though I'm a sinner.
She then shot Daffy Duck and served him for dinner.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Got Turkey

    Let's See


               Get Stuffed
                    That's Rough

                               The Squirts

                                         Hell Zone
                                                Pure Heart
                                                      Boiled Tart

                                                          Legs   Breast
                                                                Just   Test
                                                                    Thighs Wing
                                                                          Just Sing
                                                                                   Choke Neck
                                                                                          Yes Heck
                                                                                                 Got Tom
                                                                                                      He's Bomb

Tribute To
 And To

Also Entry For
Donna Golden's
Turkey Tribute
GL All

Details | Free verse | |

The Nut

I crack open the nut,
And there it is,
Tucked away like a baby,
In it’s mothers womb.
And you think,
I am going to eat it!!!!
I don’t think so,

It is a worm!!!!!

Details | I do not know? | |

mass murderer

i battled the urge for years . i can no more .
i have never been much of a morning person . recent
engagements have left me bruised , worn out and sore.
the good in me...gone . i brand myself , no longer decent .

it began one still night ... i was sound asleep .
suddenly i felt an evil presence above me . slowly i 
opened my eyes ..a battle...minutes pass , and then not even a peep.
the letters were no more than their name had suggested..'bits'....sigh.

one more day had passed . i sat staring into my lethal hands ,
wondering what was to come . i suddenly found myself swatting air ..
a stupid little bee ! the scent of honey was left behind as i ruined its plans
to sting me . after taking the life , i continued my stare .

as i slept , seemingly i crept through a jungle towards a
very scary sound . just beyond some sugar and brush , there it
stood ...a tiger .  i remember thinking to myself ...i shall not be your prey.
famous last words , " they're grrreat " ... sounds flaky i'll admit .

as corny as it sounds , it doesn't stop there . my next victim wasn't far
off . noisy little creature of the morning ...the crack of dawn .
i squeezed it's neck..screeching , reminiscent of a squad car .
i had never before seen a green rooster . still tired .....yawn.

do unto others as you would have them do unto you . i bit
his neck as hard as i could , the taste of chocolate in my mouth .
the count was down ..frank and boo ran away . another murder i did commit .
ashamed of my guilty pleasure head due south .

i was pecked upon the head and neck . i won't lie , i was scared .
my first thought ...tou-can play at this game . but then i just shot
him . the colorful bird lay dead... my life had been spared.
sam , as i called him again , he must not .

a ship in the distance , now near . a crew of ten and the man in blue .
they never even knew i was there . luck had been in my corner . the old
cap'n was a fierce opponent , but his death way over due .
with a swing of my spoon there was a crunch ...a monster taking hold .

the list grows as i live , you see .... alpha bits ,honey nut cheerios ,frosted 
flakes ,corn flakes ,count chocula ,fruit loops ,cap'n crunch ...a real life thriller ,
for i am a crazy son of a the morn , always exhausted ,
that will one day be well known as ....the infamous cereal killer !

Details | Rhyme | |


Dental work, dental work, it never seems to end,
Railroad tracks, bridge and gap, till polygrip your friend,
Flossing here, brushing there, tooth decay averted,
Rinse the mouth, fresh and clean, our taste buds alerted,
Though we brush, sometimes floss, some germs will still remain,
Business lunch, late night snack, the germs now play their game,
What the heck, who's to say, just how to live your life,
Do your thing, have a fling, who needs the extra strife,
Drills and picks, dental aids, we see them twice a year,
So have some fun, pizza run, and chase it with a beer.

Details | Narrative | |


is the name of my wild
and incorrigible cat...
down the stairs she scurries
to keep intruders off my door; 
and she, with her sharps claws,
challenges the most vicious dogs,
who would like a match
on my newly carpeted floor...
without letting me breaking up the fight!  

eat your food and grow strong,
they will be back with their groan,
but your meows won't do much;
let me teach you how to win a fight
and keep them off for good...
more faith you must have in me!
come here and jump in my lap;
Faberette...there's  no need for fright!

They haven't bothered you for a week now,
they must have sensed a change indeed;
and like friendly dogs they play and crawl,
instead of pulling off your spotted fur!
And cautiously you mingle with them with minimal fear...
can cats and dogs in friendship suceed?
But a word of caution I should make you aware of,
not all of them can change
and remain tame for long...
Faberette, be slicker than they are!

on my leather couch lies
under a warm blanket...
I pat her, and her feline eyes
flash the warmest glow; and I couldn't be
more proud of this wonderful pet,
keeping me company and share moments of joy!
And on her birthday, I even buy her a kitten toy!
O Faberette,
my adorable cat!


Details | Free verse | |

My Happiness, My Chocolate

M&M's and Milky Way,
Snickers and Dove,
Reeses and Crunch.
What do they have in common?
They have something very important to me,
they have chocolate.
Sweet and luscious,
rich and delicious.
An excessive amount of sugar.
This is my chocolate.

I eat it everyday.
I can't live without it.
My mouth demands more and more.
My teeth sing with joy,
they love being covered in chocolate.
I delight in the feeling,
of the chocolate melting on my tongue.
I swallow it,
and my throat is in heaven.
My chocolate makes me happy.

White, dark, or milk chocolate,
orange or strawberry flavored,
filled with caramel or peanut butter,
nuts or almonds,
creamy or crunchy,
it's very mouthwatering.
It feels soft and hard when cold,
sticky when melted by the sun.
It has a fascinating smell.
I know my chocolate very well.

Saliva escapes from my mouth,
dreaming of my chocolate,
my beautiful chocolate.
Day and night,
I always dream,
that unique taste,
that is made with love 
and lots of affection.
I'm addicted to chocolate.
I'll die without my chocolate.

During the days when I'm sad,
tears fall from my eyes,
I feel lonely and deserted,
I eat chocolate.
And like magic,
as soon as my nose gets a whiff of that distinct smell,
that gratifying scent,
I feel better.
Again I have a smile on my face.
My chocolate is my anti-depressant.

My chocolate talks to me,
it asks me to eat it,
to enjoy it a lot.
When eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
It keeps me in a trance.
I have to eat chocolate,
I must consume it.
My chocolate is like your oxygen,
I need it.
My chocolate is my happiness.

Details | I do not know? | |


                      Ol  master,i'm your cat
                That's what i'm here for,i'll take care of that
                       I'll watch closely
                 He won't gnaw on your sleeve
                 And forget about leaving out a chunk of cheese
                         I promise ol master
                 He won't grow into a rat
                 Because i'm right here,i'll see to that
                 So forget about locking up your cat
                           I'ii catch that rat

Details | ABC | |

Eating (

You've got the face of a pepperoni pizza and the body of a mason jar
You use your body as a storage unit for Hot Pockets, Doritos and fudge bars
Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey
You are the king or queen of the junk food junkies
Peanut butter toast with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup
But the chocolate milk shake always comes first
You get your breakfast directly from the king
Dessert is always the queen
Appetizers are pizza rolls
Followed by the doughnut holes
The doughnuts themselves you will have later
While in the parking garage elevator
For dinner, no surprise, it's Taco Bell
Still hungry? Well have three ice cream sandwiches with Magic Shell
At midnight, it's time for bed
A movie comes on, so you have a soda and chips instead
At 4am you want to get some rest
Not before your omelette with Egg Land's Best
Your grocery bill has become a car note
You curse the cost of food, with a mouth full of a Banana Boat
I don't know how you do it, as you strut through town
I wish I could freely and not worry about my pounds
Some say it's aggression, others say depression
Well something has made your appetite enter the fourth dimension

Details | List | |

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugh, so Darn Ugly

G;Geico commercials   B;(you knew this was coming); Billy Mays commercials U; 
hour long imfomercials
G;Big, juicy homemade hamburgers  B;White Castle belly burners
G; Best fast food place;by far;All American, Massapequa N.Y. (check it on web- 
always, and rightfully rated  number one  B-white Castles (ugh;belly burners!)
G; Music played with syyle and heart B; Gangster rap/ Disco
G;Family gatherings B;Alone in a dingy room
G;A nice warm shower B; Having no showerhead
G;Staring at TV test patterns for hours (told ya I was weird) B; Gamey game 
G;A nice warm sunny day B;Heavy rain and your roof leaks
G;Creativity B;Malicious destruction(other than a Billy Mays tape)
G;Cooking and eating with family /and/or friends B;Alone with a bag of pretzels
G;Enjoying swimming at the beach or pool B;finding a great white shark in your 
G;Words of love and encouragement B;Mean words of anger/hate
G;Good poetry B;My poetry usually
G;Peaceful sleep all through the night B;Cronic insomnia U;Being awake for 8 
days (as I too well's mind turns into oatmeal)
G;a love of beauty B;Loving your own beauty
G;swiss or cheddar cheese B;Limberger cheese U;Liederkranz (ugh! clear the 
G;A full refrigerator (including Tootsie rolls) B;A rerigerator full of food expired 6 
months ago, and now home to strange new species
G;Catching a mouse B;doing the same, but with your teeth
G;Courteous drivers B;New Jersey drivers
G;Religious faith B; Fundamentalist extremists (of any religion)
G;Room deodorizer. B;Dirty unwashed socks your air deodorizer
G;A trusting marriage B;A busting marriage
G;Acoustic guitars B; Acoustic torpedoes
G;M&Ms  B;BBs
G;good books used as tools B;Mediocre books by fools
G;Cleavage B;Seepage
G;Being in a band onstage B;Overfilled audiences leading to rage
G;Jessica Simpson's looks B;Jessica Simpson's mental acumen
G;Eddie Murphy on stage or screen B;Eddie Murphy in real life (I know!)
G;Being loved and adored B;Being lonely and too bored
G;Some money in your pocket B;Your finger in a socket
G;For Bush to get a Lobotomy B; News of Bush's colonoscopy

Enough for now folks.  Have a painless day! 

Details | Burlesque | |


I don't feel very good today,
Can you see it in my eyes?
I'm never off the toilet,
No! it wasn't all the pies.

I have probably caught a bug,
You know, the type that's going around.
I must have caught it at the football,
God! I'm hot, I must cool down.

The wife says I must have eaten something,
What the hell does she know?
All ate was a snack at the match.
No way would that cause 'rear end turbulent flow'.

The footie was crap, my team lost again.
I missed lots of the action, and most of the goals.
Ok! I confess I ate a few pies,
But only four 'jumbo' sausage rolls.

Back to the pies, I must have ate twelve,
or mabey just ten.
God! I feel a bit hungry,
I could eat them again.

No! it wasn't the pies and the large sausage rolls.
Or six packs of crisps, which I snacked in between.
I now know the cause of my sickly demise,
It was the worst game of 'footie' that I'd ever seen.

Details | Rhyme | |

With This Chicken

With this chicken I make
this promise…
That I won’t eat you fried…
With this chicken I make
this promise, that I will,
only eat you baked, broiled, 
or grilled…
By Sandra L. Hoban

Details | List | |

More tom's TidBits (TB'sTbs)

I'm still trying to figure this one out.  I noticed that Dunkin' Donuts had a 
site-  I tried it, but they refused to delived me a cup of coffee.
The TV show-"Everyone Loves Raymond"- does his wife know?
Ever buy the canned beef stew?  On inspection, it should rightfully be 
labeled "Potato Stew"
If PoetrySoup gets too intense, will they change the name to "PoetryStew"?
You might be too young to know this, but not so long ago, in a men's room, the 
urinal was one long trough on the floor, with ice in it.  Ice in it?  Don't order beer in 
such a place!

coming soon...tom's very very strange doctor....

Details | Haiku | |

Oh Pigs Feet

Chickarrones for me,
Yankees say what oh my yuck,
Love eating pig skins.

Details | Burlesque | |

Deviled Eggs, And Other Sinister Food

Eggs Benedict Arnold?
Crown Roast from a King?
Shepperd's Pie?
For this he's died?
Pie Alamo?
Does Davey Crockett know?
Stewed tomatoes?
Just who got them drunk?
Limberger cheese?
Our aviator hero stunk?
We seem to find ourselves,
Eating some weird stuff,
Don't you think it's time....
To say we've had enough?

Details | Epulaeryu | |

Halloween Candy (Epulaeryu)

Halloween candy so nice
Like sugary spice
Crispy, creamy, chocolate
With tasty raisins
Trick or treat goblins
My tooth is 

© Joseph, 10/10/2007
© All Rights Reserved

The “Epulaeryu” poem is about delicious food and drinks. It consists of seven 
lines with thirty-three syllables. The first line has seven syllables, the second line 
five, the third line seven, the fourth line five, the fifth line five, the sixth line three, 
and the seventh line has only one syllable which ends with an exclamation mark. 
Each line has one thought relating to the main course. The Epulaeryu poetic form 
syllable count is 7/5/7/5/5/3/1. It has corresponding lines built around the main 
course, and concludes with the ending line expressing the writer’s excitement 
and feelings about the meal.  The Epulaeryu poetic form was invented by Joseph 

Details | Free verse | |

The Close Shave

“That was a close one,” he said to me as I walked into his room.
I looked around for whatever he might have thought was a close one.
“What dad? What was a close one?”
Nothing, no response. 
“How was your day today?”
Blink, blink, blink.
“What did you eat for breakfast?”
Sometimes talking about food get’s him conversational.
His eyes gained focus.
 “Barbecued ribs.” 
 “Your favorite.” 
I knew that couldn’t have been breakfast.
“Did you have that for dinner?”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, real good. They were tiny, like in a magazine.”
“Good though.”
“Yeah, good.”
Now I didn’t know if he had eaten them or saw them in a 
magazine and thought that he had eaten them.
“Did you get enough to eat? Are you still hungry?”
“I asked for a salad.”
“Did they get you one?”
“Yeah. The ribs were tiny, like in a magazine. Perfect.”
“Good though.”
“Yeah, good.” 
“I’ll make you some this summer, out in the smoker.”
He laughed at that like a kid looking forward to ice cream.
The sun came through the Venetian blinds and striped the room.
Sunlight and darkness.
There was silence for a long time.
His jaw moved. 
I knew that he was eating ribs.
“It looks like they shaved you today. You look good.”
“That was a close one,” he said lifting his hand to his face.
I smiled and walked out of his room.
This is where I came in.

Details | I do not know? | |


Baker Bob brought breakfast biscuits
To big, bad Bennie Barker's bed.
Bob believes, sadly, that Ben behaves badly  
Because Barbara Barker rarely bakes bread. 

Details | Rhyme | |


From the pack on his back,
He pulled a brown paper sack,
And sat down in the shade of a tree.
Then Jack, from the sack,
Took his midmorning snack, 
And quickly devoured it, one-two-three.        

Details | I do not know? | |

take a bite

life is nothing more than a thousand recipes.
conncoctions threw together to see how they taste.
some are disasterous, while others are great.
life is nothing more than a giant mess. 
you never know what it's gonna turn out like
sometimes it's good, sometimes not. 
but you'll never know until you take a bite.

Details | I do not know? | |

Gettin' Them Maters

When I was just a toddler,
Just a small tike I was
My Grandma grew a garden,
I liked them maters because.

Pa-Pa put me in the stroller,
Off  to the garden we’d go.
He’d pick me some, and I would eat
Them little Tommy toes.

Grandma would see when we got to the house
Just a minute or so later.
Me and Pa-Pa had been to the garden and
He’d been getting’ me them maters.

My clothes would be soaked with that mater juice,
So into dry clothes I went.
Them maters were good, I knew one thing sure,
And that Pa-Pa was Heaven sent.

I’ve grown up now, and Pa-Pa’s in Heaven,
But my taste hasn’t changed though it’s later.
When Grandma grows them Tommy toes
I still enjoy getting’ them maters.

Details | Rhyme | |

Do YOU Know Who I Am?

I'm dark brown in color, and sometimes white,
I'm terribly desireable, and very well liked,
By those who love me, they crave me too,
If only you knew me, you'd feel that way too.
I'm enjoyed by both men, and women alike,
But in me is where women, find their true delight.
Have you guessed who I am?
Do you at least have a clue?
Shall I talk a bit further?
Yes, let me do that for you.
Now I'm not all that good, I'm sometimes bad,
To the very one's who love me, I deliberately make sad.
To over indulge  may bring strife,
I can bring true havick, into your life.
I stand alone, and take all the blame,
Do you know me now?
Have you guessed my name?
If you don't know me by now, and still can't guess,
It's time to put your mind to rest.

I Am      C H O C O L A T E !

Details | I do not know? | |

Summer All Year Long

What if summer lasted all year?
I would never have to go to school.
What if reading constantly made you popular?
I would be super cool.
What if sour gummy worms were good for you?
I would be their number one fan.
What if poems were wishes that actually came true?

Details | Lanterne | |



Details | Burlesque | |

Last Chance To Scream!

Scream your last scream!!!
You are not on my team....
No, this is not a dream,
It's just what it does seem...
See my smile,it is a' beam??
That's because I mean,
To destroy your self-esteem,
When in your face I ream,
You with pie banana cream!!

Details | Haiku | |

Cat Chow Chow Chow

                                                       underwater pose
                                                   flounder bellies afloat free
                                                     cattails sway swiftly

Details | Rhyme | |

Sunday Dinner

I love my Sunday dinner
Roast pork and stuffing too
Yorkshire pudding and garden peas
Potatoes not old but new
I'll just look in the oven to see how the pork is doing
Wow what a lovely smell
Do you think you will be coming?
There's apple and mint sauce to add unto the taste
So come and get yourself round here
There is no time to waste
I think I'll have my afters now
Sticky toffee pudding
I might as well finish this off
I don't think anyone's coming

Details | Rhyme | |


                    The ol master was fast asleep
                 In his bedroom,a little mouse creeped
                 He stood on the floor by the masters bed
                        And made his request
                        Please ol master
                 Leave out a chunk of cheese
                 And i won't gnaw on your sleeve
                 One day i'll grow into a big rat
                          Please ol master
                          Lock up your cat

Details | Rhyme | |


How to tame your appetite there's a feat....

Step one: no biting, remove your teeth.

Step two: only chew if it resembles a leaf

Step three: only drink water now repeat .............

hmmm...I think I'll start tomorrow right now I'll eat.........DeFeAt

Details | Rhyme | |

Bad, Bad Email

I received an email the other day.
At first the message, was evil to say.
It was about bacon grease, do not use.
Warnings, warnings, never to excuse,
Reading onward about the danger to see,
Then an awful picture, did I start to see.
I thought of veins clogged, medicine to take.
Also of a heart attack, while my body did shake.
Then came along a real picture, attached,
A large figure, one that could never be matched,
You see, my first thought how cruel and mean.
When along came the caption that could be seen.
It read be careful bacon fat, most dangerous of all
Careful my friends, it will make your feet too small.

Details | ABC | |

Toothpaste Sandwich

You can have it on white or wheat
Add marshmallows or maple syrup for a treat
Any flavor or brand you choose
It comes in  green, red, white or blue
I am not talking about Manwich
It is all about a  toothpaste sandwich
Put enough on the bread so you get the full flavor
Ask the beer belly  man and the toothless woman who live in a converted U haul 
Or ask the blonde bimbo who goes to the extreme
Ask her how she maintains her oral hygiene
Try it once and you will make the switch
No more peanut butter and jelly, just a tasty toothpaste sandwich
Check the back of each tube for the ingredients you prefer
Just remember, upset stomach, vomiting and dehydration may occur
Some like Crest, I like Aim
I guess in a toothpaste sandwich it all tastes the same
Too much will send your head spinning for a loop
Please ask me about my famous recipe for toothpaste soup

Details | Senryu | |


love has taken all

you lose all that you have gained

food is your best friend

Details | Limerick | |


There once was a cave man named Morris,
Who lived in a cave in the forest.
He was undone one night
By his huge appetite:
He devoured an entire brontosaurus.           

Details | Ballad | |

The Terror of Tootsie Town

In the age old refrigerator
A huge Tootsie Roll did reign
All the fruits and vegetables
Thought he was most insane
Too sweet, too dark, too strong
as all the other food could see
And though he knew that it was wrong
He beat up a poor old onion
Till everyone did cry
Was it sorrow, or onion-burning
the real real reason why?

Well Tootsie had to travel
Promised to some fair maiden I am told
So he hopped on his Tootsie-cycle
Thank God he was just that bold

But on his Tootsie-cycle
He lost his paper wrap
Now the maiden would never touch him
He felt like such a sap!

He finally got to the maiden's homesite,
Having suffered greatly from the heat
Half melted, and chocolate oozing
No one would ever eat

So Tootsie Terror went back home
into his refrigerator cold
But now only half a Tootsie,
He dare not be so bold

Ambushed by a wild pack of pickles
Poor Tootsie was sorely beat
Now Tootsie would surely be
A Tootsie none would eat...

Sometimes, fate, it seem so fickle
as here with the rotten, evil pickle
Twists and turns can fool you
So stay in the fresh food drawer
And if more pickles try to strike
Tell them that you'd truely swore
Your Tootsie Gang from Shar's
You really did there call
And if they want to rumble
Those pickle had better watch
'Cause you and your tootsie buddies
Will surely, surely maul.

Details | I do not know? | |

Fast food lawsuit

After eating at McDonald's, I got fat.
I decided to sue them for that.
I ate egg McMuffins and Big macs all day long.
People say that I got myself fat and that suing McDonald's was wrong.

I break every chair I sit on and it drives me to tears.
I haven't seen my penis in over three years.
My attorney said I'd win but I lost.
McDonalds countersued and won and I hate to think of what it cost.

I had to sell all of my possessions and now I live in a cave.
My beard reaches down to my feet because I can't afford a razor to shave.
I was greedy and I paid the price.
If you're thinking about suing McDonald's, you'd better think twice.

Details | Quatrain | |

From Mice

We poor little mice,
We like our cheese.
Yet whenever we get some,
You big people freeze;
You say you're allergic,
You say that you'll sneeze.
Just cover your nose
When we get our meals, please.

Details | Narrative | |

Mansions in the Sky

The Stars lit up the skies and nothing could I see,
Except these huge Mansions that fly in the sky.
Swirling winds picked me up and carried me high.
Making trails in the clouds it was just me.
It was breathtaking just to be,
Afloat the top of mansions that fly.
The Moon was bright and the Sun a bit dry.
They were huge and magnificent to oversea.
 Mansions in the sky that fly above it all.
Mesmerized I went in and found no end.
None were too small.
None occupied, not even by a friend!
Mansions that fly fill a brilliant sky,
All emptied but not by I!
© Copyright: Ann Rich  2006

Details | Ballad | |

Bubba Spent the Night

Our son asked can a friend stay over
He just moved here from dover
The friend says tonight's Friday, usually we have pig's innards
He says my name is Cleetus Billy Joe Jim Bob Jones, after he stutters out his 
name, it's time for dinner
But you can call me Bubba, he seems very polite
I pray no nightmares as Bubba spends the night
I tell him we are having Makerel Cakes and Mac and Cheese
He says I will take four cakes and two helpings if you please
Boy you sure do have an appetite
I tell my son our budget won't allow Bubba to ever again spend the night
Soon dinner is over and Bubba still wants to eat
I grab a funnel and melted bacon fat and tell him to have a seat
He says we eat fatback soup sometimes on a weekday
He tells me the doctor tells his whole family, that sometime their arteries will turn 
to clay
bubba says I don't eat for calories, I eat for taste
I tell Bubba, if you keep eating like that you will become hazardous waste
He laughs and cheers in delight
This all happened when Cleetus Billy Joe Jim Bob Jones spent the night
At 2 am he asks for a snack
I give him a sleeve of Ritz crackers and a pound of Monterey Jack
I hand him a jar of Grey Puopon
He says after I eat this, there may be trouble in your john
He smiles and asks for a Diet Coke
I try to watch my health, I don't drink or smoke
Eight more hours, then our budget will be alright
He asks when is the next time I can spend the night

Details | Cowboy | |

Toothie's Wild Turkey

It always seemed year after year
When Thanksgivin’ time came near—
That Toothie, our ol’ grouch coosie
Fixed chow that was a doozie.

And every year he just swore
Would be better that before—
‘Course it always was just jerky
And not tasty wild turkey!

This year Toothie was diffident—
Swore it would be different—
Got mouths waterin’ fer drumsticks
And no more of his dumb tricks.

And sure ‘nuff on that turkey day,
It was roastin’ right away—
Though it sure looked long and skinny—
We wouldn’t whine or whinny.

Though it did seem to have long ears,
None of us had any fears—
And we belched as was our habit
Though we knew it was jack rabbit!

That feast turned out to be our best
On a campfire I would guess—
Ol’ Toothie sure enough came through
With his roasted ‘turkey’ stew.

So it would be a year again
Till that coosie was our friend—
When he promised again the bird
And we took him on his word! 

Details | I do not know? | |


(This is a fictional poem)

You're making a peanut butter sandwich with sardines.
That's one of the grossest things I've ever seen.
Now you're putting marshmallows and gravy on it too.
I'm going to call the funny farm on you.

Details | I do not know? | |

Those rotten bees!

(This is a fictional poem)

I eat flapjacks every morning and I like them with honey.
But I'm really cheap and I don't like to spend money.
I wanted free honey so I bought a beehive.
One hundred bees stung me at once and I'm lucky to be alive.
A few of the bees stung me in my ears.
You'll have to talk louder because it's hard for me to hear.
Ten bees flew up my pants legs and stung my penis.
They had me hopping all around, you should've seen us.
When I got out of the hospital, I decided to set fire to my bees.
But some of them escaped and they stung the hell out of me.
Take it from me, it's awful to get stung.
One of the bees flew in my mouth and attacked my tongue.
Now I have problems hearing and speaking.
I learned the hard way that I shouldn't have taken up beekeeping.

Details | I do not know? | |

Florida Turkey

We will be visiting the land of the sun.
To see our little girl and have some fun.
We are going to have, Florida Turkey to eat.
While we all go shopping for black friday treat.
It will be a quick trip,only a week we will spend.
Family get togethers are almost a forgotten trend.
Feasting together, I know we will get our fill.
Shopping with both, my daughter and wife till.
Truly there will be many stories, that will thrill.
I was told if I did not go, my body she will kill.
Within this little poem of my journey to come.
I wish, poetry soup, Happy Thankgiving, from,
This humble and learning poet, to everyone.
Now it is off we go, to the land of the sun.

Details | I do not know? | |

You'd better not eat at my cafe

(This is a fictional poem)

I made a mistake when I opened this cafe.
The food makes people sick and then they don't pay.
I happen to be the world's worse cook.
Today I had an accident while slicing some food and now I wear a hook.
My cooking is so bad that it actually killed a man and now his family is going to 
My prices are cheap but the food makes people vomit and it tastes worse than an 
old shoe.
The customers don't like me or this dump.
They're getting tired of having to have their stomachs pumped.
You'd better listen to the advice that I'm going to give you.
Don't eat here, it's untelling what it will do.

Details | Rhyme | |

MY DOG---------MY CAT

I have two pets-a dog and a cat,
One is thin, the other is fat,
Can you guess which on is that,
That's right--that darn cat is Very fat.

She drinks milk whenever she can,
The vet says,"NO!", but he's only a man,
She pays no attention whatever to him,
She IS picky though, she won't drink skim.

Now Mr. dog--he's slim and trim,
He runs and plays with vigor and vim,
He sticks up his nose at milk and all that,
He doesn't want to be a Fat cat!

I love them both-thin or fat,
Even though, at times, they drive me bats,
I thank God that they are around,
For they make me feel alive with all those sounds.

                             MEOW!      BOW-WOW!  MEOW!   BOW-WOW!
                              Don't they sound adorable?LOL

Details | Narrative | |


I was driving down Eighteenth Avenue in Bensonhurst
in my scash-a-bang Chevy Chavalier...and I was having a wallear for a hero, 
but I didn't wanna wait on line like those noisy kids from Mexico;
I tried to jump the line, but duh tall, mean-looking boss yelled at me,
" Get back on line, skinny molink...I don't like dis kinda of weisenheimer...
you're just another duh-ta-duh! " I wa so hungry I could have eat'n a cow,  
and want'd give him a piece of my silly mind! " Oh, my God...he sounds like those tough 
dudes from The Sopranos! " You got a loud mouth, wack! " I yell'd back 
" Don't you mess with a goomba! I said with the loudest voice " Oh, my God,
you get me so mad...I just wanna my meatballs hero and go! "
The chubby man with a face fins said angrily, " Hear me out...don't you tawk to me
like dat, I axeya in a nice way, so go back on line and wait
like dey do! Don't you laugh at me like I'm tell' you a wacky joke!"
He freezes my words...I can't tawk and with a huge hero
in my hand, I quickly run back to my scash! 


I was driving down Eighteenth Avenue in Bensonhurst
in my-beat-up Chevy Chavalier, and I had a craving for a sanwich,
but I didn't want to wait in line like those noisy kids from Mexico!
I tried to jump the line, but the tall, mean-looking boss yelled at me,
"Get back on line, skinny guy...I don't like this kind of wise are
just another idiot! " I was so hungry, I could have eaten a cow, 
and wanted to give him a piece of my silly mind!" " Oh, my God...he sounds like those tough
dudes from The Sopranos! " " You got a loud mouth, wacko! " I yelled back,
"Don't you mess with a clown!" I said with the loudest voice " Oh, my God,
you get me so mad...I just want my meatballs sandwich and go!" The chubby man
with the moustache said angrily, " Hear me out, don't you talk to me like that...
I'm asking you nicely, so go back in line and wait like they do!
Don't you laugh at me like I'm telling you a crazy joke!" 
He freezes my words...I can't talk and with a huge hero
in my hand, I quickly run back to my old-beat-up car!! 

Entered in Deberah's Gucci " Dialects make the world go 'round "

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Epigram | |

Concerning The Preparation of Mexican Cuisine

After handling Jalapeno Peppers, wash your hands thoroughly BEFORE you use the restroom...

Details | Burlesque | |

Miscarriage Of Meatloaf

Let me just hope I haven't told this one before...

Well, I've said before,
I am a good cook,
But let me tell you 
Of a time,
When my confidence
was well shook...

Seems that on that day,
I decided to  make,
A pizza dough wrapped
So I mixed up the batch,
Of normal ingredients...
In culinary skills,
I rarely had a match...

Maybe I didn't...
Pay enough attention,
Or was fooled by some
Cause I used lemon
flavored bread crumbs,
A dastardly action...

Later, when I did,
Proudly serve it to 
my family...
Everyone's first taste,
Tasted so randy...
Into the trash,
It I did throw,
And from that point,
I did hence know...
If you're gonna cook...
Take a damn careful look!!

Details | I do not know? | |

The Last One

As I look at you lovely one
With the slight blush from the sun

The touch of gold is the magic 
That draws many to taste of

The lusious fruit 
That could be tragic

If once bitten find 
That the other side 

Is smitten with a place
That is hidden

The other side is brown,
Soft, off scented, rotten

The last peach why
Did this have to happen

Details | I do not know? | |


Yes, we was po' as po' can be.
The hunger pang still  lingers.
You'd see us flee to KFC
To lick the rich folks' fingers.

Details | Couplet | |

Turkey Time (for Don Meikle)

White meat or dark, or in between
I don't care, just so it's lean                                                                           
My personal favorite is the wings                            
And gravy made with those gibbly things                    
I also like the" parson's nose"
Not many people would serve you those                                             
Mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie
That's mighty good eatin' my, oh, my
With family and friends gathered round
We say a prayer, then all chow down
There's so many cakes and pies and such
It' just soooooo easy to eat too much
As the last left-over is put away
I thank everyone for a wonderful day
We should honor the dead, celebrate the living
Don't you wish every day could be...

Details | Burlesque | |

Death in a Stairwell

I couldn’t wait to eat lunch with you tomorrow
But now my heart is filled with sorrow
The world has violently taken you away
I watched as you crashed to the stairwell floor
As your innards were sprawled all over the tile
The red stain will remind me of this cursed night
The night your life was ended
I just wish our time together wasn’t so brief
It is filling me with grief,
As I think of the memories we will never be able to share
I can barely take the thought of you not being there,
When I awake in the morning
So I will stand here in mourning
I will grieve over this world’s loss of ageless beauty
I will grieve over my loss of the one I dreamt of tasting in sweet bliss
I will grieve over you, the one I am sorely missing
I just wish I knew “why?”
Why cruel world?! Why?!
What did my sandwich ever do to deserve to die?

Details | I do not know? | |

You're living high on the hog

(This is a fictional poem)

You are a jerk and you have a lot of nerve.
You got food poisoning which is what you deserved.
You stole twenty eggs out of my hen house.
You did it because you are a cheap louse.

The eggs turned out to be rotten and you regretted eating that food.
When you had your stomach pumped, you sued.
That damn judge awarded you a quarter of a million dollars.
He found me in contempt of court when I cussed and hollered.

I had to sell my farm and give you the money.
When I get my hands on that judge, he won't think it's so funny.
You're wearing great clothes because Armoni is your tailor.
You're living high on the hog while I'm living in an old abandoned trailer.

Details | Prose Poetry | |

Just One Of Those Days Part 1

One day Homer Hawk was sitting on a gnarled fence post.  He was hungry.  He 
was tired of the usual fare, mashed rabbit, pureed gopher and scrambled 
armadillo.  He wanted something of substance, something fresh.  Maybe he was 
stewing too much but he was craving something different.  A fricassee might just 
be the answer to his problem.  He was beginning to get desperate.  He flapped 
his wings, gave a squawk and took to the air.
As he circled he kept a close eye out for his supper.  Behind Farmer Brown's 
house he saw Sammy Squirrel.  Sammy saw him and quickly dove under a rock 
and pulled his tail in after him.  Lucky for Sammy, Homer was not in the mood for 
He flew on and saw Perry Prairie Dog hopping up and down on his mound and 
suddenly he disappeared down his hole.  Steven Skunk wobbled out from under 
the mulberry tree and flipped his tail up in the air as a warning to Homer.  Steven 
had no worry because Homer certainly wasn't desperate enough to attack him.
Marty Mouse scurried across the driveway and under the barn door.  No fear 
Marty, Homer was hungrier than one little bitty mouse.  No, not even Slinky snake 
needed to worry.  Homer wanted something different.  But what?  He flew on and 
"What is wrong with me?" he asked.  "Why does it seem so hard to find 
something to eat tonight?"  And on he flew.
He saw an elk here and a deer there.  He even saw a newly squashed bunny on 
the road and still he flew on.  "Will I ever find my supper?"  he squawked.
Deciding he needed some professional help, he flew to the giant Oak Tree 
where Oscar Owl lived.  Oscar was just waking from his nap as Homer landed 
on the limb close by.

Details | Burlesque | |

Uncle Fester/Lester's Pot Roast

I'll need the first few lines...
to set this up for you...
and once again, my word,
this really is quite true...
a co-worker at my last job,
a part-timer he really was,
became quickly known as a slob,
and rather odd, or so the buzz
seems each day he had,
the very same, same old meal,
which his wife had made for him,
to him it was no big deal...
he was kind'a funny looking,
like the uncle in the family Addam,
I can't help but wonder...
how many of you can this really fathom.
and now to the poem proper
only hope it's a show stopper...

uncle Fester-Lester
his buttered hands do greet,
enclosed in his tupperware-
his roast- a "better cut of meat..."

oh, my God, it's awful...
to see his toothless bite,
chomping on his pot roast...
a most disturbing sight!!

gravy drooling down his chin,
makes me awful sick,
makes me wanna' vomit,
like gagging on a stick!!

pot roast Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
pot roast Thursday, Friday too...
it never seems to vary....
for this toothless man's yucky goo,

butter, gravy on the desk,
beef shards you can be sure...
increases his great beauty...
and endless sex allure....

now he eats his pot roast,
at a different desk,
all that I can assure you,
is he still makes a frigg'en mess

and if one were to ask him,
how is it that he so dares?
he would grin, at once, quite toothless,
and say "Why?...who, who cares?"

Details | Personification | |

Feline vixen

And so now you think I’ll eat that food
Out of the box so tasteless and crude
I’m much better than that
I’m not any ordinary cat
I'd like to see you eat that 
Same old stuff day after day 
I won't even give it away 
My taste buds are far to divine
How about some scallops and wine 
No I shall not cooperate  
Do I have to translate?
So meow I will, boy these humans 
I’ve had my fill 
We cats should run the world 
And we’ll send you humans the bill 

Details | ABC | |

A Girl Named Puddin' (

She is round and short, but very sweet
This is not the kind of girl for bare cupboards, she loves to eat
If you invite her to dinner,  please be advised
She will want her second helpings twice
So budget your food bill considering her invitation
You will be cooking all night, so the next day for work, ask for vacation
If she comes in the kitchen, she will insist on fresh and hot cookin'
At 5ft 2, eyes of blue and 275, she is called Puddin'
She says she entered a non-televised world wide event, hotdog eating contest 
against Kobyashi and won
It was rigged so he was handed the prize, a lot of favoritism from the judges who 
all are from the land of the rising sun
Her toaster pastries must be Pop Tarts
On a flight she pays for an aisle and her own dinner cart
She demands that her food be cooked with utensils that are wooden
She is a wondrous creature and her name is Puddin'
The doctor tells her she must cut back on her intake or suffer a heart attack or a 
She no longer drinks regular soda, it is now  all the dollar menu items and a Diet 
The last time I heard about her and her whereabouts
She lives above a seafood eatery and lives on oysters, refried beans and dishes 
that complement Trout
So I say good luck on your endeavors, if you ever see her, I hope you wouldn't
She is always ready to eat, may we bless that girl named Puddin'

Details | ABC | |

My Wig (

We leave on vacation to see the Grand Canyon 
I ask my son when is the last time ha changed his socks, his feet smell like 
My wife laughs and says that isn't his feet, it's his breath 
I tell her no more equate toothpaste, we're switching to Crest 
My wife says in a panicky voice, I forgot my social life line 
I tell her to calm down, everything will be fine 
She says, turn around and head toward home with the speed of a Russian Mig 
We can't take this trip, I can't be without my wig 
One hour and two tickets later we finally arrive back home 
Now she has her wig in hand and her voice has a nice, calm tone 
She says what are we waiting for, let's be on our way 
It's only 9:30am, it's already been a long, long day 
Now we are back to the area where we had to turn around 
I remember that singles club called Lost and Found 
As evening settles in, we stop by an eatery called The Autumn Twig 
She says please bear with me as I put on my wig 
My son and I sit in the car quietly, as we are close to death from a lack of food 
My wife tells us let's enjoy our vacation, you two need to adjust your attitudes 
We sit in the car and watch as people come out of this greasy spoon diner 
I keep reading their slogan, If you're lookin' for rib stickin' food ain't none finer 
I keep having these visions of me at the table, eating so much, my wife and son 
call me a pig 
Finally she is done fixing her wig 
I watch in horror as the Diner's lights go off 
My dream is gone, no pig, no trough 
She says in disgust, that's just great, where can we get a bite to eat now 
I tell her about a barbecue joint five up the road called Four Sides of a Cow 
She says okay, but I could not belive what she just did 
She smiles and says I told you everything will be okay, as she removes her wig 
We arrive outside the place rated as some of the best barbecue around 
She throws her wig on the dash and laughs like a circus clown 
She says my hunger has taken over, I believe she's flipped her lid 
She says let's go on inside, these people don't know me, they have never seen 
me without my wig

Details | I do not know? | |

Five star restaurant

(This is a fictional poem)

My arms, legs and ribs have been broken and I'm wearing a neck collar.
It happened when I went to a five star restaurant and was charged three hundred 
All my wife and I had were a couple of steaks.
When i told the owner that I didn't have enough money, a lot of bones started to 
He dumped a pot of linguini and clams over my head and then jabbed me in the 
nuts with a fork.
He burned my hands on his stove and I started crying like a little dork.
He started beating me and he wouldn't quit.
He beat me so hard that it made me ####.
You may be laughing at me, you may think it's funny.
But you won't find it so amusing if you ever go to that restaurant without enough 

Details | I do not know? | |

Where's the damn mayo?!

(This is a fictional poem)

My sandwich didn't have any mayo so I sent it back.
The waitress spit on it so I gave her a smack.
They put me in jail and the prisoners raped me six times.
You'd better listen when I tell you never to commit a crime.

Details | I do not know? | |


Louisiana Cajuns 
Eatin'  hot cornbread,  
Chompin' aligator tail 
And suckin' crawfish heads.
Eatin' jambalaya 
And gumbo stew:
Gourmand, Sunday dinner,
On the old bayou.  

Details | I do not know? | |

Hot dogs with chili

(This is a fictional poem)

I like hot dogs with chili and I like them real good.
I'd eat them all day long if I could.
When my wife sees me eating them, it causes a dispute.
She hates them because the chili makes me toot.

People say that hot dogs are made from filthy stuff but I don't care.
I've gained over two hundred pounds and when I sit, I break my chairs.
I cuss people out when they ask me to share.
It's not easy being bigger than a bear.

Details | Free verse | |

Looking for specials.....

Finding sale items
clipping coupons
2 fer 1 is great when find 'em

Short in the pantry
tripping to foodbank
lines are longer now for gantry

Top ramen special
10 for a dollar
loading up as noodle cartel

Stick a feather
in my cap
and call me "macaroni".....
gantry...latin,canterius,"beast of burden"


Details | Epulaeryu | |

Fiend Feast

Fiend Feast
     By Dane Smith-Johnsen

Ghost toast
Roast host

Poetic Form:  Footle

Details | Rhyme | |

Under The Bed

Strawberries, Blueberries, Cherries

   all sorts of  berries under my bed

                  why?     why?

                  to make a pie

                  why?      why?

             'cause mommy forgot

             that I haven't been fed

        before she tucked me into bed.

Details | Burlesque | |

There's Aliens In My Cheerios!!!

cereal, great when you're in a hurry
and know ya gotta eat...
open up the cupboard
to chose your morning treat,

Capt. Crunch? nah, too much hard gristle,
Fruit Loops? nah, the colors make me dizzy
Grape Nut Flakes? yah gotta' be kiddin'
I'm sure to crack a tooth!!
Wheaties, far too boring,
if ya wanna' know the truth....
Ahhhh.....Cheerios!!  just right!!!
like Goldilocks' warm porridge.....
I've found one just right!!!
No longer have to forage.....

into the bowl, in comes the milk
about to add sugar....
should go down smooth as new silk....

what's that??  I was quite amazed...
a tiny flying saucer rising,
a tad bit milk glazed!!

holy cow!! what's goin on????
I could not believe my eyes...
then it suddenly dawned on me....
he was looking for the toy surprise!!

Details | Burlesque | |

Last Chance Gas

well you've seen the signs
usually on the ouskirts of
some foreboding desert
"Last Chance Gas!!" it cries
do I dare pass it by??

not my problem here
my last chance gas
is the needed burp
after that heavy Italian meal
that I enjoyed so much

if it doesn't materialize
I won't be able to continue
on my consumption
of this fabulous food

now I'm satisfied
an Italian cook's compliment
bring on more meatballs!!!
lots'a sausage too!!!
don't be stingy with the pasta...
and pour another red wine
because my gourmet friend....
I have just begun to dine!!!!

Details | Free verse | |

The Egg

My three minute egg in boiling water,
Seventeen for hard-boiled, according to Julia,
Or fried in bacon grease for the trip to eternity
Two jaundiced eyes on my father's chipped plate,
Or butter for scrambled then cover 'em with catsup;
No resemblance here to the Faberge eggs
Covered with diamonds, rubies and pearls
For the pleasure of the Russian royal family.

Details | I do not know? | |


Arriving late, I find
the service almost done.
They're waiting at the altar,
the wiener and the bun.
All ears now strain, to hear  
the parson's monolog, 
"And by the powers vested in me,
I now pronounce you one hot dog."

Details | Couplet | |


I’m getting fatter and fatter with each passing day,
And my chest looks like breasts perhaps a child might say,
But when I think of the people that cannot eat at all,
Who cannot work from trouble and the pain of life’s falls,
Then I tell you in an instant, I am thankful for every roll,
Cause it speaks to my privilege from much of life’s toll,
And though my bills are unpaid,
And my cat needs a cage,
As he stains up my carpet with the rage of an age,
And though my daughter’s converting,
To be a Catholic sage,
What me worry? I tell you! 
For I bask in God’s glory,
And the rolls on my belly,
Like Santa Cluase Jelly,
Have me rolling in laughter,
Like a jolly old pastor,
So if disaster strikes you, like it has sometimes struck me,
And you are not so pretty or handsome to see,
Rejoice, I tell you in the fat and all that,
Cause at least you’re in the game and you’re up to bat,
And don’t think that tomorrow I won’t try to walk this off,
This cellulite that causes people to scoff,
But in the end my God loves me and that is enough,
That trumps being fat and all life’s little stuff,
That trumps being saddened by the ways of an age,
Cause hey, who knows at the turn of life’s page,
I’ll be back to 180 and benching 300,
And until then I’ll smile and rub on this tire,
I’ll run and perspire, and run and perspire,
And when it’s over, it’s over, and with an ado,
I’ll go home to the Lord and so will you!

Details | Free verse | |

A Flavour To Remember

On a recent Monday,
an ice cream parlor
I found 
chunky pieces of clay,
in my
olde fashion sundae,
that weighed
like a tonne of bricks.
As I excavated
with my wooden spoon
I found crumbs 
of an asphalt driveway
with a blond toupee
and three tokens
for the New York
Tokyo and Montreal subway.
Several inches further
I discover racecar pj’s
with toes 
in full decay.
Swollen green 
bronze toes
laid on top
of a half cooked stingray.

Even my slush
had undergone
It contained
an unlikely flavour.
of a flavourful 
cherry slush,
the drink was 
thicker than usual.
I found 
my entire cup
was filled with
``Grade F`` 
dog and horse pooh.

This encounter with
the weird and the bizzare
has taught me,
to take caution
when something 

Details | I do not know? | |





(Written in Uni lecture while craving for a galaxy)

Details | Free verse | |

Menu of the Day

This is where I start, the beginning of a 
poem. Gee, the faceless memories are
blanketing the beach! The sweet sweat 
of anise seeds wets dried olden throats

matching with precious emerald stones 
and feta of the gods, dressed in earth’s  
natural, colorful skin to satisfy a hunger

where I watched this fairest of them all 
trudging through the sand dunes. O, her 
foot-prints, left un-touched! I wanted to
measure her smile, but my commander 
has taken the order of my day to other 
station. There, I imitated Steven Segal’s 
expertise chopping veggies, for a soup.   

Details | Prose Poetry | |

Just One Of Those Days Part 2

"Hello Oscar," he squawked.
"What brings you over this way?" Oscar asked.

"I'm having a terrible time finding my supper," blurted out the hungry hawk.

"I can't believe you can't find anything for your meal," replied the old owl.  "I know 
there usually is quite an array on the road.  Once in a while I even cheat and find 
all I want to eat.  There is usually a pretty good assortment also.  Why one day I 
even found a fried lizzard.  My, he sure was tasty,"  he volunteered.
"I found lots of stuff on the road and plenty to choose from around the country but 
I am looking for something special.  I spent the last hour circling Farmer Brown's 
chicken yard.  It seems all I want is chicken.  Oscar, what is wrong with me?  Can 
you help me?  Please, I know there must be something drastically wrong with 
Oscar flapped his wings and danced up and down on the branch doing his 
evening exercises.  When he finished he blinked his big bright eyes and looked 
Homer square in the eye.  "I can't find anything wrong with you."
Homer was almost frantic.  How could Oscar tell him there was nothing wrong 
with him.  Homer was beating his wings up and down and squawking his head 
"How can you tell me there is nothing wrong?" he squawked again.
"Calm down Homer, don't grouse so.  There's nothing wrong with you.  As far as I 
can tell, you are just in a FOWL mood tonight." 

Details | Prose Poetry | |

Hot Chocolate

    A neighbor returned home early from a vacation in Switzerland.  When asked 
about his trip he seemed a little hesitant to talk about it.  Finally he shrugged his 
shoulders and said, "I found it rather an unfriendly place."
    Puzzled about such a statement I asked why?
    "The first evening in Geneva I asked for a cup of hot chocolate and they kicked 
me out of the establishment. 'Sir we'll have none of that in here,' he told me."
       "The next morning I decided to eat at the hotel where I was staying and the 
same thing happened.  Only this time they kicked me out bag and baggage and 
told me not to come back.  I found a rooming house and spent the night there.  
The next morning the same thing happened when I asked for a cup of hot 
        "Soon my presence was known all over town and I couldn't get another 
room.  So I had to come home early.  It was as though I had a bad reputation or 
      I was totally shocked.  How could such a straight laced religious man cause 
such an up roar?  And this was so out of character for the things I had heard 
about the Swiss people.
       "If you ever go to that country don't order the Hot Chocolate.  It must be taboo 
to serve it."
     How could a simple cup of Hot Chocolate cause such a commotion?
     "Are you sure it was the HOT CHOCOLATE that caused the problem?"
      "Of Coures it was.  I'd go into a restaurant and ask for an extra ' HOT SWISS 
MISS ' and they'd throw me out."
Gotcha__ Didn't I?     

Details | Verse | |

a last word for pat.

this is an epitaph to uncle pat,
who died because he got over fat,
for breakfast he had cereals and toast,
but only two loaves of bread,he'd boast.
then for lunch,fish,chips and mushy peas,
he could eat three helpings of these,
then for tea,eight sausages,bacon and eggs,
until his weight finally broke both legs.
from his hips down they used a ton of plaster,
to each foot they fitted a castor,
a stool with wheels under his bum,
then liquid food,oh that made pat glum.
but very soon his belly began to shrink,
it started to make pat stop to think,
he said"gosh it's years since I've seen the floor"
i won't eat rubbish food no more,
his pot came off,a slim pat he did see,
i'll reward myself with a cruise to be free,
he drank wine after supper,he got very drunk,
then broke his neck when he fell from the bunk.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Crumb Cake

I've finally figured it out!
I really have!!
Why they call it crumb cake...
I should have known....
I was blind,
But now I see,
My wife Grace,
Told it to me!
Yes, It's amazing Grace...
Why it's called that...
It's because it tastes crummy.......

Details | Burlesque | |

Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,
Mint jelly on the side,
Mary liked the tender parts,
She could not eat the hide.

Details | Rhyme | |

Gourmet's Opinion

In any argumentation,
  none is as unanswerable
    as every diner's opinion;

you gush about that chilled champagne,
  to my uninitiated taste buds
    it's but some bottled, sugared rain;

and you adore sturgeon caviar,
  to my naive, unschooled palate,
    a salty lump of clay with tar;

no debate in the agendum,
  in matters of taste there's no dispute,
    de gustibus non disputandum!

Details | I do not know? | |

Me And My Cheesecake

I don't care much for trifle when it comes to tea
But when I see a cheesecake 
I can't help but shout yippee
My favorite is the toffee one
I have more than my fair share
And after I have finished it
I can't get out my chair
I really love that cheesecake 
I think I'll have some more
Then my wife said to me
"You won't get out the door"
Yes, me and my toffee cheesecake 
Are very really apart
And if you want to know what else I love
Its delicious bakewell tart.

Inspired by cheesecake fanatics

Details | Burlesque | |

New York Pizza

New York City is quite known
for lots and lots of things
but one thing you'll
surely find,
of which a New Yorker sings,

we have the best d_mn pizza
that's ever seen light of day,
and if you should think otherwise,
this is what we would surely say-

New York ain't about big buildings,
big corps, or rich, rich men,
It's about bagels, pizza, souvlaka,
pastrami and corned beef on rye,
we got the kind of world famous food,,
for which any thinking man would die...

some claim that there's a battle-
New York versus Chicago pizza-
which is known as the best?
New Yorkers merely yawn...
"So put it to the test!!"

and when the test is over,
the grades are finally in-
New York wins by a landslide....
that's how it's always been...

Remember the box-top saying-
as you see results of this test....
"You've tried all the others, Now it's time to try the best!!"

Details | Free verse | |


They appeared in the aisle before me
I could not look away, mesmerized
by the shrouds of sparkling silver 
that restrained them 

Without saying a word
they called my name, in ecstasy
I soared; I was being pursued 
and could not resist
they were gods, I was certain

after the first, so I agreed to
the second and liked it, turning back 
was no longer possible 
I acquiesced—to the desire of the third
thirty minutes of heavenly bliss,
then they left me

with only memories
and a feeling on my tongue
like whipped velvet

I now count the minutes
until my next encounter
with a Three Musketeers bar

Details | I do not know? | |


My favorite fruit is the onion.
That might sound silly, to you,
But I find it simply astounding
What the humble Allium cepa can do.
I've seen it bring grown men to tears--
Men far to manly to cry.
"It's only the onion," they shamefully claim,
As they sniffle and snuffle, and mop at their eyes.

If someone is giving you trouble;
If they constantly get in your face,
Eat an onion a day; that will keep them away,
And stop their habitual cramping your space.
Now, peaches are peachy, but fuzzy,
And apples delicious, it's  true,
But my favorite fruit is the onion--
I'll send a bouquet of green onions to you.         

Details | Free verse | |

Crab Feast (Nonet)

It runs gracefully across the sand 
Feet leaving prints as it passes 
Gracefully moves its own way 
Delicacy for some 
It’s now on the run 
Dashing for hole 
Peppered spice 
It’s hot 

Details | Rhyme | |

Closer to a Grillionaire

There is a man who made a cool  Mill'..          

    all because of a Foreman Grill.     

Now, I hear through the grape-vine air      

this man is closer to a Grillionaire !

Details | Burlesque | |

Ruby's Breakfast

I should be a private eye,
and not one with a sty...
Cause I put 2 and 3 together,
Oh, I was being so very clever!

My Sherlock mind, it did deduce,
From clues she left,some too loose...
Just what her choice would be....
At least I could clearly see...

Not donuts and hot tea...
Bacon and eggs? easy....
Oatmeal?... Naw, but maybe a bit more close...
I know what your thinkin', "Oh, again,here he goes!!"
She said it every time...
Her choice always Cheerios!!!!

Details | Free verse | |


  The table is decked for two.
   only people eating, me and you.
    The coffee aroma fills the room,
     it wont be long its ready soon.
    The eggs are on the go,
    soft, not too hard I know.
   The toast is browning nice and slow,
 nice and crispy way to go.
  Butter and marmalade too,
  any thing else for you.
 We sit and eat just us two,
and talk about all things new
whats happend in the last three weeks,
  why we could not speak.
I will tell you things you want to know,
this and that and so and so,
 You can tell me all about you,
any thing I will listen too.
 I have waited long for this,
  its some thing I would not miss.

Details | Free verse | |

Relaxing on the Beach

Oh, the taste of sweet mangoes 
While relaxing on a Caribbean beach.
Such a refreshing way to watch the sun 
Setting on the blue and calm horizon.

This sweet mango is such an appetizer 
Preparing the pallet for the main course.
Stimulating one’s stomach for a feast 
With visions of the coming dish, 
The main flavor of the day.

Oh, I like tasty mangoes 
The setting sun, and 
Caribbean beaches.

Details | Free verse | |

Stuck at the Drive-up....

Chunkie monkey fast food junkie
sweatin' fat sure smellin' funky
rollie the doughie waistline be flowing
bouncing and pouncing on hips that are going
ankles are creaking as knees begin breaking
arms begin flapping as slabs sound slapping
you got it your way alright,as hunger fights
supersize that order,emphasize no borders
stretching the limit of breakout blemish
should probably go home and make a sammish
stuck in this drive-up,with jack,my best friend
see you tommorrow...again and again........

Details | I do not know? | |


What a wonderful place this world would be,
If we didn't have spinach and broccoli.
Some other things we could do without,
Are cauliflower, peas, and Brussels sprouts.
And then there are carrots, pulled from the dirt.
Just the thought of them causes my tummy to hurt.
I hate rutabaga and turnips and beans,
And all that asparagus, yucky and green.
Wouldn't it be great to not have to eat
Parsnips and squash and cabbage and beets!
We'd all do much better, eating health foods, it seems, 
Like hot dogs, and pizza, and chocolate ice cream.

Details | Lyric | |

Starbucks Sucks

What’s so grand?
It’s just another trend
And unlike every other friend,
I refuse to give in
Oh, okay, so it’s gourmet
I don’t care what you call it
I refuse to allow them
to sit here and rape my wallet
Why does a tall look so small?
There’s nothing grand about it at all
Starbucks simply sucks

Details | I do not know? | |

Alvin and the Chipmunks

(This is a fictional poem)

I'm a hillbilly who eats possums, squirrels and Chipmunks too.
Alvin and the Chipmunks came to my house and I turned them into stew.
They were cute and they had charm.
They thought I'd welcome them with open arms.
When they came to my house, it was a stupid thing to do.
Chip and Dale are at my door and I'm going to devour them too.

Details | Burlesque | |

Eat Your Veggies!!

Eat your spinach!
Eat your corn!
Eat your gosh-darn sweet peas!!
Only if your plate is empty,
Will you be able to appease...
My sense of indignation,,,
People starving some where in China...
And you have to grow up strong...
There is no food that's finer!
So shut your mouth of talking
and clean up all your plate!
So God doesn't get so angry,
And seal your young immature fate!

Details | Rhyme | |


Ok one poem,
Then to work for me.
I felt guilty this morning,
Then I broke down,
 And washed my dishes.
I thought I would drown.
The plate wasn’t so bad,
Nor was the spoon,
But the pan lid and pan,
Sung a different tune.
I got in there and did it,
I was bound and determined.
It took less than a minute,
To my good fortune.
It seemed an eternity,
To get this job done,
Is not where I wanted to be,
It was not much fun.
The water was so hot,
That the grime couldn’t riot,
Next time You come over,
Then you can try it.

Details | I do not know? | |

The munchies

(This is a fictional poem)

My ex-boss owned a diner and he served soup that was free.
He put marijuana in it to give the customers the munchies.
When they ate the soup, they ordered lots of food.
They even ordered the liver and onions that was on the menu.
I decided to go to the cops and snitch.
Now he's in jail and he's some guy's #####.
He doesn't like the predicament that he's in.
I guarantee that he'll never sell food again.

Details | I do not know? | |


Escar, the friendly little snail,
Who used to move so slow,
Heard someone mention French cuisine,
And now, look at Escar go!

Details | I do not know? | |

A Man Who Cooks (2005)

A man who can cook
Grab him and make him stay on that hook
What a sight in that apron and a chef’s hat
Ok I’m joking about that part but isn’t it just like that
Perfection and a dream come true 
A man who cooks what more can a girl want you to do 

Details | Light Poetry | |

Plastic Fondue Set

Got it as a gift,
From J-Mart, as I recall
Genuine plastic, too!!!
Now I've seen it all!

I'd make my first fondue,
If I only knew....
Please, tell me true....
What the hell is fondue??

Details | I do not know? | |


(This is a fictional poem)

When I was eight, I went trick or treating as Mickey Mouse.
When a man refused to give me some candy, I egged his house.
My friends started cheering because they were proud of me.
But I didn't know that the man has a son who's seven feet three.
He ripped off my costume and I forgot to wear anything underneath.
I had to cover my genitalia and my butt with a rock and a leaf.
I have something very important to say to you.
Don't egg anybody's house because they might have a son who's over seven feet 
tall too.

Details | I do not know? | |

I love rattlesnake

(This is a fictional poem)

I love eating rattlesnake because it's so good.
I'd eat it three times a day if I could.
You haven't lived until you've eaten snake stew.
It's mighty tasty and it sticks to the ribs like glue.
Some people prefer chicken, pork or steak.
But nothing makes my mouth water like rattlesnake.

Details | Prose Poetry | |

Toast of the Town

in this small village,
we have but one diner
I've sampled their menu before
and have but one complaint
the toast they serve with breakfast
seems like it came from bread
baked at the time of Ramses II

Details | Free verse | |

I Cried

I stood in the kitchen on yesterday, 
And cried, and cried, and cried.
Everyone came into the room  and
Began to wipe their eyes.
I continued to do the task that 
I was commissioned to do.
I cried, and cried, and cried some more-
From all the onion juice.

Gotcha….thought I had another sad experience?
Chopping onions for the dressing. We feed 
The homeless on yesterday and gave out gift baskets. 
An Awesome Experience.

Details | I do not know? | |

Don't have the special!

(This is a fictional poem)

I had the special at a diner here in Tennessee.
When I learned what I was eating, I tossed my cookies.
I was eating some kind of tough stew.
It was chewy and it tasted bad too.
When I asked the chef what was in the stew, I couldn't believe what he said.
He said he put horse meat in it and I vomited.
When I puked, I made a decision that wasn't great.
I cussed out this chef who weighs 250 pounds and stands six feet eight.
After he beat the hell out of me, he used my body to wipe the puke off the floor.
You'd better believe it when I tell you that I'm not eating there anymore.

Details | Burlesque | |

Waiter!! There's Some Soup In My Fly!!!

Well, it's Freddy time again.
Went to the diner one day,
To buzz around diner tables
And he somehow flew into
a bowl of soup,
This is what the waiter said;
This poor fly, he is drowning,
A Ministroni death, it's awful,
don't you see?  The poor fly
has ingested too much soup,
His last day on earth,
this ought to be!!

At the same time, Mr. Soup-eater,
Dropped his bowl in shock...
Got soup all over his lap,
Even burnt his poor old ____

Goes to show you in two ways,
Soup in one's fly can ruin your day!!

Details | I do not know? | |

Those darn beans

(This is a fictional poem)

I'm a country boy and I eat a lot of beans.
I've gotten so fat that I'm about to bust right out of my jeans.
The problem with eating lots of beans is that it makes me fart plenty.
I don't know how many times I fart each day, I'd say about twenty.
If I'm with someone else, I always pass the blame.
I farted while I was at a restaurant with my girl and I said "Sally, you should be 
I fart over ten thousand times each year.
My stinky farts have finally caused me to lose my friends just like I feared.
I went to a doctor and begged him to tell me how to stop farting and how to lose 
my big gut.
He said "Stop eating so many beans you idiot."

Details | Couplet | |

My Prayer

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray tomorrow my diet I'll keep
If I should dream before I wake
Please Lord, let it be of cake

Details | Rhyme | |

My Body

My body loves me
And I love it
We're working hard
To keep us fit

We try to eat right
And excersize
Hoping a healty body
Will be the prize

I love my body
And it loves me
But sometimes
We do disagree

My body says
"Forget this dieting"
I say,  "No,
we gotta keep fighting"

As bodies go
You aren't so bad
Right now you're the best
I've ever had

But body dear
I must confess
I'd love you more
If you were less

Details | I do not know? | |

Full of baloney

(This is a fictional poem)

My wife fed me baloney sandwiches three times a day, seven days a week.
After five years of eating nothing but baloney, it really reeked.
When people said that I was full of baloney, they meant it literally.
After eating over five thousand baloney sandwiches, it sickened me.
I divorced her and married somebody else but all she ever serves is peas.
Someone shoot me please.

Details | Rhyme | |

Returning food

(This is a fictional poem)

You keep sending your food back because you aren't satisfied.
If you send it back just once more, we are going to step outside.
You say that my food stinks but you don't realize that I'm a great chef
My meals have caused food poisoning but they've caused no deaths.
You said that your bacon was burned and your eggs were runny.
I'm going to kick you in the crotch and you won't think it's funny.
You keep complaining about your meals, nobody likes a whiner.
You say that I cook worse than that chef who owned Mel's diner.
I'm getting pissed because of the meals that you return.
I hold the worlds record for food that causes heartburn.

Details | Rhyme | |

Peach Fuzz

Tons of peaches
Growing on every tree
You'd think I'd wash off the fuzz
Nope, not me

One after the other
Juice dripping down my chin
I feel my lips beginning to burn
The swelling begins

Who needs lips stick
When you have lips this luscious and red
Their bigger than Julia Roberts
I'll need a tractor to lift them into bed.

Details | I do not know? |