A DINNER INVESTMENT (for Eve)
My husband Chris Adams loves to wine and dine my needs
In the most expensive places, one can eat.
Arriving in LIMO style
A humble waiter greets
After I viewed the menu I replied,
"Hun I am ready to order."
A T-bone steak -- fully cook the meat.
At our table, walked a gorgeous snake-eyed women
She leaned over my husband's seat
Approaching Chris with a big wet kiss
I stomped on my husband's foot
I gave him the look, of all looks
She slithered with her tongue in Adams ear
"Go to that hotel and relax, I need some cash"
With one stare I yelled, "Chris how dare you cheat!"
"I had enough, I want a divorce MR. ADAMS!"
I reach over to slap him,
He replies, "She is my mistress Bath-Sheba my dear EVE!"
"I do not love her."
"I understand if you want a divorce!" Mr. Adams replied.
"But, remember, no more furs, luxury suite,
Winters in Barbados,
Summers in Tuscany."
"Infinity or Lexus, and first class plane seats."
"Forget about the Yacht Club."
"Party by the swimming pool, that land a hundred feet."
"It is up to you my Kitty Skat Eve to give it all up."
"You decide if these diamonds you want to keep."
Without thinking of taking a leap.
I saw Mr. Adams business partner Cain with a Jezebel in his arms.
I ask my husband Chris in a small peep.
"Do not tell me that Cain commits Adultery too?"
"Cain's blonde looks really cheap as if she works the street."
"Well, our mistress is prettier and looks real sweet."
"Honey, our mistress Bath-Sheba is worth the keep."
"Mr. Adams tonight you can call me Steve and not Eve,
Whatever it takes to satisfy your needs plus my gold lust!"
(The moral of the story is what some Eve's
will do to keep their investment, I mean Adam's.)
A joke and dedication to Chris D. Aechtner
For THE Eve in Eden* (Contest) *
I splashed out on this greetings card,
It cost me 50p,
I thought that you were worth it,
For putting up with me.
But yours, I know, will cost far more,
(Perhaps a quid or two),
But that’s because I’m worth far more,
For putting up with you.
Angels in heaven
Dancing on a small puddle
Always stay afloat
Author's Note: If you have never seen the advertising contributions of John Cameron Swayze, take a moment to watch a few of his videos. Then, enjoy this limerick (which in combination with the videos) provides some interesting inspiration for the new year.
We suggest a vagina's for sex
And hope the possessor expects
To take a licking
And keep on ticking
Over and over like a Timex
In late October the reddest moon didn't change its phase,
it remained in the same spot to watch the witches' ballet;
the loud music matched the mood of the mystical night: tambourines
and flutes frantically played; sneers, jeers, giggles of the ugliest witches
mixed with the goblins' roars while they danced around a huge, hot fire.
I smelled a foul odor, the wild dogs feasted on a bloody oar,
" Leave some for us, or we'll turn you into bats! "
the hunched witch snarled with menacing eyes,
but they roared and threatened her with sharp teeth,
then Olga began to speak Latin words to cast
a spell on them and before it worked, they fled.
Glad that they had left, she dragged the dead animal
and hung it on a long rod to roast on the sparking fire;
hungry witches continued to dance with forks and knives
in their hands, anxiously waiting for their Halloween treat.
Written by Andrew Crisci
for Russel Sivey's contest,
" The Ultimate Halloween Contest "
my wife left without a word-
to buy a cheese cake!
It’s My Birthday
It’s my birthday… I look out the window there is no one for me owe so, owe so lonely poor me .
It’s my birthday… you surprise me, with a Barber-Q grill with a cooler that chills with a grin we show white grills.
Happy Birthday… it’s my Birthday I am still waiting, it is almost the end of my the day, just waiting on you to wish me a happy birthday which, well make my day.
It’s my birthday…you do not remember that day, can we go out for we can remember that day?
It’s my birthday… I can share it or alone, some share it with a twin, or with a friend and the ones who stay to the ends like a good friend.
It my birthday… its looks like another day to me I just need someone or something to comfort with me a room full of women and with hand full men, a juice in cup, juice in glass, with a sweet lady and grill on cut grass that may make every day feel like my birthday, with a touch of class.
It’s your birthday… it’s your birthday you should all-ways win on your birthday, if do not have a mate you sneak and go on second party date form those who may player hate.
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday! it comes and go, I see you come through, looking out my window with a hand full company that is what a party really should need, yes it’s sweet, sweet with music and sweet with treats or it must be the money, or food, or brinks, or just me.
Poetry 7/7/12 by author Keith Kadell
Welcome to my naughty Halloween
Meet my dark and beautiful dream
On this night she's a witch
But by day not a stitch
So she's a stripper, but she's still my Queen
Our love is like Gilligan's Island
but what we have is so much more
And to all the girls that I've loved before
they are but Brady Bunches on three hour tours
Cheers to the ladies on that Island
but you're my "Mary-Ann" and my "Movie Star"
come take my hand-in-hand, with candy tan
you're the best of both worlds, but much better by far
I have "Profess"ed to be your "Skipper"
tho' I'm "Thurston" for you like I do Mrs. Howell,
when you "Lovey" dove me with coconuts,
I can't help but go nuts, NOW GET ME A TOWEL!~~
CLASSIC TELEVISION SHOW= Gilligan's Island
*Note: this Rhyme was written as a love letter-ish type of thang:) I hope ya' don't mind the weirdness of it all~:)JSL
Christmas Day will never be the same
Whilst companies who will only think gain
It's charms now diluted
Frankly, the fat cats are solely to blame
I hope you slept well. I hope you slept tight
I hope the creepy crawlies didn't come in the night
Did you open your eyes? Did you take in the sight
Of a hovering figure, pale and white?
Did you feel the cold breath? Did you feel the sharp bite?
Did the moaning and screaming give you a fright?
Did you show all your fear? Did you hide in the light?
As your wide eyes and shivering make them excite.
Did you hear from outdoors, victims’ helpless calls?
Did you hear your name echo outside in the halls?
Did you feel the cold slime 'drip - drip' on your head?
Did you notice the finger tips crawl round your bed?
Were there hand prints and puddles the colour of red?
Were there blood trails of foot prints from the undead?
If you woke up and saw none of what I just said
I'm sure they'll return to your dreams instead
That night may be over but there'll be many more
The undead do not rest; it's what they live for
They thrive on the hunt with a dribbling jaw
So keep your ears open for that creak of your door
Watch for the long fingers that be unforeseen
That creep round the corner, all scaly and green
I'm just happy I lived to tell the tales I've seen
I just hope you all had a Happy Halloween.
Put on a new dress, was looking really hot,
Dyed my hair with several blonde highlights,
Applied my MAC makeup... ooh-la-la,
I’m singing Al Greene, “So In Love With You”
Its our wedding anniversary, 29th and you knew
Bubbles overflow from the champagne bottle
You beckon me to come hither into our room
Which shoes to wear... oh you burst my bubble!
Written by Lee Ramage
September 8, 2011
Sponsor Debbie Guzzi
Close your windows; draw the blinds as day turns into night
Shut your door and wrap up warm with a bedside table light
Close your eyes and try to sleep but also stay aware
As what may happen in the night could seem like a nightmare
You'll start to hear the sounds of souls, moaning cries and screams
You sneak a peek around yourself but nothing is as it seems
From the ceiling drip by drip and down the walls it flows
Pools of blood soaked in the rug to ooze between your toes
Ghastly ghouls and grimacing ghosts trapped within their doom
Creep and crawl under your bed and float around your room
They'll slide over your covers and slither in-between
As they wriggle to whisper in your ear...
Have a happy Hallowe'en!!!
I find it disgusting the way that you snore
That snort when you laugh I truly abhor
So tired of you burping up food after lunch
When you nag I get fever and chilly goose-bumps
I HATE that you gossip, it's a shameful disgrace
(I'm scared of that mole on the side of your face)
You took all my money and now I'm flat broke
and the way that you dress? Good LORD what a joke!
So I'm kicking you out! Go pack up your stuff!
(If this is a nightmare, PLEASE wake me up)
Sometimes I stay up just to watch as you sleep
The way that you laugh sweeps me clean off my feet
Love those cute little hiccups after you dine
and your kind suggestions keep my ego in line
You listen politely when someone else speaks
(I ADORE that beauty mark there on your cheek)
The investments you made were wise and worthwhile
and your unique outfits show a grand sense of style
If you ever leave me, I'll kick and I'll scream
What else can I say? You're this old boy's dream
For Vienna's 'Let me have it then kiss my petunia' contest
Thirty-four years we've been married,
and our life together has been varied.
But our love just keeps growing,
so this I am knowing,
we'll be together until we're buried!
Now if that's not okay with you, dear,
let me make myself perfectly clear:
you are stuck with me like glue,
and there's nothing you can do.
So take that and stick it in your ear!
(Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and the first limerick is truth. The 2nd limerick is just to be funny. No trouble in Paradise here, folks!)
Stylish Zelli's shoes are unique,
they stand out in my neat boutique;
what a distinguished look
in a suit nobody took...
green cognac is gorgeous and chic!
Squeaky Clean Floors of Teak
All clean and shiny is my teak
When they step on my
Glossy black my heart leaps
Joyous smiles deep down my timbers leak
You can see your face and physique
When you look at me
Don’t walk on me with your dirty feet
Shhh….. Whisper when you speak
If you’re real quiet you’ll hear me squeak.
After tossing back too many shots,
My tummy got tied up in knots.
But the outhouse fell down,
now a king with no crown,
I cover up where I must: "Thank You Scotts'!"
On this date I had my first spanking in the days of yore,
The first of many I received not realizing what for.
This one was very special causing a unique frown ,
because this time they turned me upside down.
Well that should have given me a clue,
That they weren’t about to be through.
There I was hanging by my feet,
Hungry wet and naked..
looking for something to eat..
Some dude cut a rope off my gut,
then had the nerve to spank my butt.
Yes, the first time I was spanked and didn’t know what I did..
Well that was a fine howdy do…. Welcome to earth kid!
I think I've seen you in my dreams, you're matching every description.
Your love is like a drug, I'd kill to fill the prescription.
You give me so much excitement, like when babies are born.
You're the only flower I see that's in this garden of thorns.
You must be Jamaican, because you're Jamaican me crazy.
Let's get a place together and maybe raise up a baby.
A lot of people call me Trav, but you can call me tonight.
You have the most beautiful eyes in the world, just like the stars they shine bright.
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
You could make a shy guy try and make a blind man see.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
You've got me floating like a feather, and I want to feel this way forever.
You may think these are just lines, or maybe all the above,
but please read this with your heart, because you're the woman I love.
Anguish taunts through a barbed wire fence with edged grasp
Actions in which human beings rebel against a holy God
Miss their purpose for their lives
Surrender to the prince of the power of the air more then God
Cause all of their deeds were evil!
An eclipse of the sun had tainted my inner vision
Push back the pain with radiant guide
Does this notion in thought come at any big surprise?
Weak willed tyrants from the flood of dispinsation
Shattered fragments loosed in gloom climatic abrasion
Parts unknown from the setting of the sun
Leading gullible women captive under the false cloak of compromise
Abortion on demand
When will they ever understand?
Blood shed in our streets
Evil tyrants from elected officials overly prideful taunt & pull!
We each our responsible for our actions before a holy God
I do not know?
Beautiful are the roses
sweet is the sunshine
you are my heaven
and everything to me on valentine
I love you very much and need you in my life like
a cane or a crutch
did I let the cat out of the bag
about needing something like an old hag?
should I be smacked with a glove
for spilling the secret on love?
I sometimes love you like a hemroid
and choke on words
I love you anyways when you turn into a turd
I was born in Babylon
Everyday I want to be alone
I prayed not to get low
Everyday Babylon claim more soul
I just have to go, seek for more show
I grow with no shoes under my foots
Ganger is my food,
Mosquitoes sing the reggae allover my room
Webs block my views, killing my crews
What can I do to survive when am buzz
Where is that place to get crazy?
That place you cannot erase,
That camp with more space,
Where you don’t have to get late
That place where you just want to be free from
“Babylon” Babylon” Babylon…I want to be free
If there is a question, it should be about relation
My action will generate your reaction
Is substitution the way to be free from Babylon?
The game is always ON, grow horns like Capricorn
Cut the vegetables; let’s be able to be stable
Whilst I lay in my bed,
And reflect on my past
I remember that I want,
Certain moments to last.
Like this evening tonight;
On New Years Eve;
We’re having too much fun
With much more to achieve!
For the New Year, is here!
And let it be said
’08 is now gone,
It is totally dead!
So we lift up our glasses!
Way high in the sky!
We’re not going to remember this,
Let’s not even try!
Don’t take a drink!
It’s not yet that time!
You have to let me finish
My cute little rhyme!
Now cheers to our friends,
Both new and old!
Let’s cheers to the stories
That have yet to be told!
Let’s cheers to the nights
That we stayed out late
Let’s cheers to you!
For being so wonderful,
And being so great!
Happy New Year!
O- Old and trusted, tried and true,
L- Laughing and watching
Y- Yester years passed, futures generations dreams come true.
M- Most wanted aspirations with-in ones grasp,
P- Paving out remember to cheer,
I- Interesting and spectacular, 2012 be there,
C- City is London ,
S- Site to see, an adventure -OH NO Bomb scare.
This in no way meant to be a bomb scare nor do I encourage them-
it's just my dry sense of humor. Olympics have a safe time there.
Nails, tools, drill and bits on a warm spring day in May. Watching closely to hear you
say….”Pass me a Phillips” or some tool I know nothing about. As you fix my screen
door without no doubt.
Smiling and sparkling with sweat on your face.
As you wonder if everything will fit into place.
“Looks good from here”, I say to myself. “Next he needs to fix my wobbling shelf.”
Needless to say it took more than a day to fix that stubborn door.
Maybe because we both just wanted more…. time to explore the endless
possibilities of that open screen door.
And here we are now years later,
Screen door finally repaired and holding strong. But you still get to use your nails,
tools, drill and bits All Year Long.
Our Kids now make sure you feel like you belong.
Love You Dear
Halloween is not just for kids...
what about those gorgeous pets
that we snuggle, love, kiss and willfully spoil?
Shouldn't they have their own
special Howlween and Meowween
with treats never tasted in a bright party hall?
I love pets as you all do, and with loving and tender care
I spoil them with warm clothes and matching shoes;
a wool hat and tiny gloves to keep them from frost!
Look at them, aren't they adorable and look sharper
than the less-loved pets that are bored with their blues?
Can you compare a well-groomed one to a scruffy one?
On this coming Halloween, dress up your pets for success,
disregard the dumb looks of certain unintelligent folks,
they never see humor in anyone or anything, and they can't laugh
at these cuties that have a ton of affection on their mellow faces;
what would they do to be patted or be cuddled in their embrace?
They would give them their howleen and neowween for a soft caress!
And on every street people walk their dogs and cats dressed like mine,
what a surprise to watch this parade of adorable pets that look up and smile!
They will never know who was the genius behind all this, but gently and happily they stroll!
So who's to say that Halloween isn't for them? They're like our children who delight our soul!
And on each Halloween night, let them out, and let them do their Howlween and Meowween,
to enjoy the Halloween celebration, but tomorrow they'll not remember where they had been!
Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci
He thinks of better women
She thinks of lesser men
the kids think
Neither thinks of them
but he won't budge
cause she'd get half
and she won't budge
cause she'd only get half
The music thumps, the walls jump
She pole dances against the jamb
Dust rag in her right
Polish in her left hand
House is hers for a few hours
To fulfill a fantasy
Bump and grind it babe
The vacumn whiiiirrrs away
Shake that booty, strut that stuff
Transfer clothes in washer to dryer
Wearing faded blue jeans
Kick that leg up higher
Beds are made, bunnies dusted
She cat walks looking demure
Practises a sultry pout
Wiping spots from the mirror
Work the shoulders, drop to a deep squat
Then stick the tush up in the air
Family is due home very soon
Straighten her clothing with care
Greet the kids with hugs, husband with kisses
Getting dinner to the table
While news plays in the background
Her life is happy, solid and stable
Dishes washed, kids off to sleep
Taking my husband by the hand
This housewife leads him to our room
Where her stripper soul takes command
I do not know?
When I left I lost apart of me, It's still so hard to believe she's not worth it
baby we belong together. I threw away all my other friends so we could be together but
your not even happy with me how could this be we belong together? I spent 3 years on you
for nothing and we were suppose to be something. How could you just walk out that door?
How could you leave me here crying for more? How could you walk off and go marry her? We
belong together. I couldn't sleep since that night when you walked out my life, I called
and call and listen to sad songs on the radio. I always think of you and it's making it
hard, your the one who left and i'm the one whose left here to mourn it's not fair that
i'm left with this we belong together. She doesn't tuck you in tight and your always
slipping off her mind she flirts with pretty much everyone. I saw her in the store
kissing some other guy and you claim that i'm jealous of her. How could you say something
like that when I had you first you walked out of my life and I didn't ever ask for the
wedding ring back. Why are you constantly lying like a jerk with a big ego I just wanted
you to know that we don't belong together. Maybe I was right when I wrote you a dear john
letter, and slam the door in your face when I caught you with her. Though it hurts me
deep inside I finally realized that we don't belong together. I can sleep at night
without you by my side, I'm not lonely anymore. I only think of you when i'm on a date
and I can smile and thank god that this one is nothing like you. We don't belong