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Funny Animal Poems | Funny Poems About Animal

These Funny Animal poems are examples of Funny poems about Animal. These are the best examples of Funny Animal poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Footle | |

More Foolish Footles - Man's Best Friend

Overweight Terrier:
Un-cool Terrier:

Spaniel dog breeder:
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Then showers and dresses by its:

Dachshund headgear:
Grouchy Dachshund:
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
(But size isn't everything)
Dachshund making critcal life choices:

A dog in Medieval France:
French dog's brain:
A French dog breeder raises:
(Cheated on that one)

Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Reared in a lovng environnment, she was a rather:
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
To commemorate her frequent (and often rowdy) visits to N.O. a streetcar was renamed the:

Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Now a celebrity, he even has an entourage of nubile young female beagles named:
Footnote: He is also a regular on the foxhunt circuit where it is rumored that he is often allowed to cheat, prompting howls of protests from outraged and exhausted cohorts...

Details | Sonnet | |

elegant giraffes

He wondered if his verse was made for fools
and cretins that splish-splash alongside whales
composing dull sonnets was chased by bulls 
- by elegant giraffes and racing snails.

Amid the chickens in his country cot,
while gulping bourbon the pig-farmer writes
his scribble verse turns to an artless blot
and straight he gulps one more for his insights

Oh, detrimental muse of his confused,
absconding inspiration that evades
his talent which was alcohol-abused,
and like the content of each bottle, fades:

......Inspiring advent of a healthy burp
made pigs and chickens to comment "superb"!

© G. V. 06-27-2013 All rights reserved

Sponsor: Judy Konos
Contest Name: The Lazy Contest

Details | Rhyme | |


I once had a frog named Ribbit
I was headed to school he croaked, "skip it"
I thought this is insane 
When my frog called me by name
I tried to tell others but they wouldn't hear it

So I went to a psychic to get advice
My frog interrupted and ask her real nice
Will I have happiness or sorrow
What will happen on the morrow
Show us that you're worth the high price

She said, Oh I see you with a beautiful lass
She'll be checking out your shiny green a--
Her eyes will be glued to you
Yeah, she can't wait to tear into you
You'll be on pins and needles in her Biology class

Contest: Carol's "Animal Alive"

Details | Alliteration | |


Lounging licking leaping
Prancing pouncing peeking
Corners closets crouching
Tail twirling twitching
Sniffing sensing sneezing
Hissing huffing hunting
Pretty purring preening
Curiosity kitty killing
Nine long lives living

Details | Rhyme | |

Never Dream Within a Dream

-honestly...I have no clue why...- As I began to rest in my fickle dream Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep I was greeted by many a whisker And petulant snores from my sister The cat mewed ferociously and purred For there on the other side of the window—was a bird! It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass! And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm I swear my bosom was gone! The cat then motioned at the feathered brat For her bright breasts seemed extra fat Of course it wouldn’t have been that But I couldn’t just blame the cat! I opened the window only a crack And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?” Such pride she attained from my bosom Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!? The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly! She plopped to the ground and squawked I would have laughed, but I was shocked! The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!” Before I could think I had fallen to the ground To a booming, most terrible sound! My eyes then opened to a cat on my head As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed

Details | I do not know? | |

Welcome to the Funny Farm

Beware of wolves in sheepskins
My what clever wolves
I wonder if the sheep could pass as wolves
Perhaps they could go to Wolves R Us

I've heard of a Fox in a Hen House
I wonder if a Hen ever visits a Fox House

Who was the idiot that let the Bull loose
The china shop will never be the same
I also wonder why so many Bull remain
Especially with all the politicians shooting Bull

I was so busy I had no time to get ready for my trip
So I invited a pack Rat over to help get me organized
My house boat started to sink and he was the first to leave

It started to rain Cats and Dogs
I think I need a better umbrella

He told me I could get there as the crow flies
I think he lied, my arms are tired and I'm still here

I thought I would become my own boss
This Monkey Business is tougher than I expected
My inventory is eating up all my profits

All my clothing shrank when I came in from the rain
I have to admit I felt a little Sheepish

The judge asked him to pronounce his own sentence 
He asked if he could be Hung like a Horse

All my friends call me Eagle Eye
I like that so much better than Cyclops
I would be much happier if I had two eyes

I hope you all enjoyed the trip to the Funny Farm
All the animals here are crackers

Details | Rhyme | |

Silly Billy Goes To The Zoo -

Silly Billy went along to the zoo Right after he had the flu That day the whole sky was blue And he carried along his teddy Pooh Silly Billy love walking to the park every day He love watching the clouds in the sky, Silly Billy was just a regular kid too And he had a lot of friends at school like you. Silly Billy best friends were Sue and his Pooh, So when his parents took him to the zoo, He was so happy to bring along his Pooh, And show him all the places to see. Silly Billy wanted to see everything in the zoo, Starting with: the bears, the tigers, and all the monkeys too. Silly Billy asked his dad to let him feed all the animals you see, But his dad told him, he couldn't do that, 'cause that was a wrong thing to do. Silly Billy loved all the animals in the zoo He was so happy to have spent there the day He had so much fun enjoying all the view His father promised him to bring back another day. Silly Billy went back home content with his Pooh, He gave a big hug to his mom and his dad that day; The day was still beautiful but was almost through Silly Billy smiled and looked up at the sky still blue. Silly Billy went along to the zoo Right after he had the flu Silly Billy went along to the zoo With his family and his teddy Pooh. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2007 October, 5, 2014

Details | Footle | |

More Animal Footles-Just For Fun

These are just for fun...I am trying my hand at them!

 camel enamel

  stony pony

  dingo lingo

  drunk skunk

  pig gig

  peppered leopard

  cat hat

awesome possum

Details | Limerick | |



Seeing the posting of the zoo unicorn
Could not wait to go see his horn
My eyes just could not believe
The boy I had  been deceived
Poor horse got thrown a lot of popcorn

 a Linda-Marie   = (contest) =

Details | Haiku | |


    -Bunny Hole- by:SKAT

hidden muddy home
dirty paws, good boy' good boy!
yummy with carrots :)


  -Unwanted Fluffiness- by:PD

Big Brown Burlap Bag
drop Bunnies down By the Bay
Better off -Blue grave


Details | Tanka | |

Strange Love

Why do I love you?
When I look into your face
Your teeth are too big,
That nose is extremely long.
Yet all I want in a dog.

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 

Details | Rhyme | |

My Sister and Me

How many Guinea Pigs can you see?
Is it one, or two, or maybe three?
There's Honey and Sweetie, and Old Master Monty,
He ogles the girls 'till his eyes go quite wonky.
As to which one's the best, we just can't agree
'Cos they all belong to my sister and me

They live out of doors in a house made by Dad,
It's lovely and posh, the best they could have
A bit like on holiday when your' van's been delayed
They shout, "on the house", A PLATINUM UPGRADE.
For having to wait, It's totally free 
We're both very grateful, my sister and me.

We all love those Guinea Pigs, of that there's no doubt, But when it comes to cleaning them out
We both try pretending it's the other one's turn
We go for the wind up but we both need to learn
That nothing worth having ever comes easily,
And one day we'll get there, my sister and me.

How long do you think there'll be only three?
Suppose they gave babies, like a real family.
There'll be hundreds of Poohs and thousands of wee's
I hope they don't do  it on the brand new settee
Old Master  Monty will be as proud as can be
As he blinks a sly wink at my sister and me.

Details | Narrative | |

- Sticking Relationship -

                                       Hear it chugging and tasle
                                         The sun has gone down
                                         Twilight, is still not dark
                                   Small steps ... chugging and tasle
                                         The dog is standing still
                                           Sniffing and listening
                                           Sounds comes closer
                                   A small ball comes out of the bushes
                                      My favorite toy, the dog thinking
                                       Sticking her nose up ..... but ...
                                       The ball is full of sticking spines
                                            it makes a hissing sound
                                     Hedgehog will not play with the dog

A-L  Andresen :)                 - This is my dog "Maya" :))

(5th in the contest)

Details | Etheree | |

Farm Walk

Looking out the barn door in our back yard
I watched a deer run through our cow field,
acting like cow pies were mine fields.
He appeared not to like cows
and seemed to plug his nose
by lifting fat lips
to block nostrils
from smelling
to much
seemed too
for this fine beast.
He kept on running
lips flapping in the air
making funny bubbly sounds,
purposely or not, I'm not sure
But one thing I do know for certain.
This was the strangest deer I've ever seen.

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 
For Shadow Hamilton's Contest
Double Reverse Etheree

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

High Steaks

Farmer Dan, was a gambling man, who loved to play at some cards;
So to beat the band, he tried his hand, at the other farm yards.

On one day, he struck pay day, at the home of good farmer Dow,
And walked away, with some hay, plus a seven foot tall beef cow.

Dan looked so small, beside his large haul, as they sauntered back home;
But above all, Dan was feeling tall, and called his new cow, Gnome.   

Dan had the urge, to try and scourge, more farmers for some winnings,
And if he surged, he’d go splurge, with pockets that would be brimming.

His plan worked, as he clean and jerked, all kinds of swag from his friends;
Yet they were irked, and went berserk, wanting Dan to make amends.

So farmer Dow, wiped his wet brow, and sought one last game from Dan;
Though he kowtowed, he couldn’t wow, the farmers to join his plan.

Dow demanded, a game two handed, to settle up the score,
Plus he planned, to wager his land, for Gnome and quite a bit more.

Each was praying, because to stay in, they had to raise the stakes.
It goes without saying, they were playing, for more than just ‘High Steaks’.

Details | Limerick | |

The Vet

Heard them say that I’m off to the vet
It’s for my annual booster you bet
He is fetching the lead
Here he comes yes indeed
And into the car I do get

I do not like the car very much
Travel sickness I get just a touch
If they take me to far
I’ll be sick in this car
But I just can’t help it as such

We arrive at the vets safe and sound
I drag slowly for this I have found
It’s a waste of time 
Going to the vets is a crime
I’d rather be back in the pound

Now there putting me on the scale
The nurse says I’m as fat as a whale
This is no fun
I just want to run
But alas I must sit on my tail

At last I’m led into that room
I know that it not for a groom
They lift me on the table
For to climb I’m not able
At last I fear it is doom

The vet has moved round behind
That thermometer looks none to kind
He says it won’t hurt
In a manner that’s curt
Now the thermometer they cannot find

Next it’s the jab in the neck
I could bite him but what the heck
It’s all over now
It’s much worse for a cow
As I leave the surgery I wreck

Then just as I’m off to the door
I hear the vet say one thing more
He needs more exercise
To decrease his size
To hell with that that’s for sure

So back in the car to go home
I feel my mouth starting to foam
Then I’m sick on the floor
Someone open the door
In this car I just hate to roam

Now free of the car I need the loo
The fresh green grass will do
As I open my bowel 
The smell is quite fowl
The thermometers there in my pooh

So home again I will take to my chair
Relax and unwind as is fair
Too much stress for today
Just want to sleep and lay
For the exercise I just do not care

So my trip to the vet I’ve relayed
My owner took me and has paid
So leave me in peace
All wrapped up in my fleece
For my sleep has to long been delayed

Details | Free verse | |

Elusive Unicorns

I was scrambling through the forest floor,
rambling all around the underbrush,
searching for acorns and pine cone nuts.

I am on a brand spanking newfangled diet,
much more better suited for mice and rats,
which assures me a healthier physical mainframe.

While sitting on a stinking rotten tree stump,
taking a short respite, I spotted a pair of unicorns.
To my great surprise, the male was blue and the female pink.

To my chagrin, I had not brought a camera,
so I was unable to accurately record
this most momentous of discoveries.

I did my very dang best to stay sight unseen,
but I guess the pair spotted me and in a flash
the two majestic unicorns were long gone.

I quickly scurried back home and told my whole family
all about the pair of awesome unicorns I had spotted.
No one believed me and they placed me in a mental facility.

I explained to the psychiatrist in great detail all I had seen.
He slowly and sternly told me I must have been hallucinating,
because it is a settled scientific fact that all unicorns are orange.

Details | Haiku | |

Why Does The Ape Dance

Why does the ape dance?
Because he has a hot date
with a chimpanzee. 

Details | Light Poetry | |

My Pet Donkey Kim

As children are
They all want a pet
I wanted a horse
My little sister wanted a pony
Our parents compromised
They got us a goldfish
Of course we had to name our new pet
We compromised yet again and called him

Now turtle would spend hours and hours
Running and jumping around an around in his watery fields
A very fast Turtle he was
We decided to film our little turtle and so we did
The show off would make jokes and acrobats
Turns out he was a real comedian 
(also an expert at cards, especially Go Fish)
To out surprise, an evil man didn’t like our wee turtle
Why he called him a darn little monkey
He said he would shatter our fish bowl
Well he called it a Monkey bowel

Then one day we saw something miraculous
A second gold fish
Turns out he was a she
Happily now my sister and I both had pets
She a wee little pony and me
A great big beautiful black stallion
She name her Pony Grasshopper
So worried she was, that the evil man from far away
Would do great harm to us, Grasshopper and Turtle
She said we should get on our pony and horse
And ride away on the ocean, far away and safe

Then all of a sudden, our neighbors Korean Siamese cat jumped
Right through the window, and right smack into the fish bowl
Poor Turtle and Grasshopper, all over the floor
My sister cried her little heart out that day
From that moment forward, I just could never get myself
To drink Orange crush again

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Cow Say

What does the cow say?
“Don’t touch my teats you pervert.
I will call the cops.”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Ape Say

What does the ape say?
“Although I too walk upright,
I get no respect.”

Details | Monorhyme | |

French Fries for my Alligator

I ordered French fries for my alligator,
But he stated,
“I’ll eat them later.”

So I spoke up to the waiting waiter,
And said, “Please do me a favor.
Go and take the taters
Out of the fry-o-later.”

Then the waiter intently tried to hawk,
Soup in a crock
For the hungry croc.

But my gator didn’t like the knock
Of being called a dumb old croc.
“My pal is not a schlock,
So, no, to swill in a crock.”

The waiter whose name tag stated, Lyle,
Said without a smile,
“We only serve crocodiles.”

“Why the change, I asked Lyle?
We do not like this style.
A gator is a fine reptile;
Much better than a crocodile.”

So we stared into the waiter’s eyes,
And despised
That waiter’s guise.

That’s when my gator improvised
By catching Lyle by surprise.
He gulped him down, though oversized
Yet, much more filling than French fries

Details | Rhyme | |

The silly cat with a hat

                                                            The cat wore a hat 
                                                             and scared the rat ,
                                                              it looked very weird , 
                                                               because it even had a beard .

Details | Epitaph | |

Silly Epitaph 16

In loving memory of Jones,
The best duck I've known.
My pet and friend since I was four.
For a bird, he was dear;
I wish he was here
So that he and I could do more.

Details | Rhyme | |

Everyday is Hump Day


Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Pig Say

What does the pig say?
“I am a little bit plump,
I am not chubby.”

Details | Limerick | |

A Sguirrel Named Merl

" How do you do?" "My name is Merl."
I'm not a tree rat; I'm a squirrel.
To hunters, I'm screamin,
"Please eat more chicken!"
"Never mind, you shoot like a girl."

I should build my nest in a tree
but your attic looks better to me.
A fight? It's your call.
I'm a little buzz saw.
Remember; nuts are my favorite treat!

July 15, 2014
Contest: Animals Alive
Sponsor: Carol Eastman

Details | Free verse | |

My True Beauty

Eyes brown
Knowing intelligent
Brunette hair
Following behind 
As you run
Gentle loving
Enjoying others

Legs and hips
Most beautiful 
I've seen
Could sculpt

You turn around
Well shaped rear
Tail swishing 

To flick
Away the

Details | Light Poetry | |


Dragon loves his penguins! Oh that we know quite well.
So…Dragon ask for their own little, silver, fire retardant, suits, do tell!
Oh Lord A Mercy! The little penguins dress up sooo very cute, too!
But leave it to our government, to get mixed up, as a spy drone, flew thru!

Yep, The Men in Black, were at our door, to pick the, little aliens up!
Now remember this is division 6, they follow orders, right or wrong.
And do you know any Bureaucracy that can solve a problem, once it’s made? 
When we proved they were our penguins, and they weren’t from outer space…

They gave their crazy orders to the INF for deportation as foreigners, anyway.
We THEN had to get them working visas, for our illustrious, and bountiful zoo.
But you know bureaucracies when they get started, they do, whatever, they must do. 
So they passed the orders along to the NSA to investigate the penguins, right away.

A full fledge investigation went on, to make sure they’re not terrorists, in any way.
Homeland security, now, had to add their names upon their proverbial, no fly, list. 
The CIA was slow, to join into the fray, but once they got started! What can I say? 
Don’t forget they now felt, their toes, had been thoroughly tromped upon, this day!

Honestly! All I wanted to do, by now… Was to get the heck OUT OF TOWN!
But, we had to follow protocol’s yellow tape, all the way, slowly, down the line!
Our mayor’s nose was out of joint, as no one listened to him, along the way.
But the Governor was in his element, so to save them from being whisk away…

He sent their case directly to the State Supreme Court, where bail could be made!
Here nothing could be decided upon, since they aren’t human, so then we were sent…
To the highest court in the land! But the Constitution was foggy, on this bent.
So Congress wrote a bill, to give Constitutional rights to the penguins, everyone!

A loophole, became evident, on granting citizenship cause they’re animals, You all! 
Until, The President, with a stroke of his pen on an Executive Order… 
Granted Zoo Citizenship… So at this point we were finally able to go back home! 
And remember, those cute little silver fire retardant suits… They fit into!

They were thrown into the trash can! As we hid from more, snooping satellites, too.
Spying had started the whole thing, and from buying so much fire retardant cloth!
What can I say? Got to love a government that can protect us… from ourselves!

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Mouse Say

What does the mouse say?
“Okay! This is not funny!
Who put this trap here?”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Frog Say

What does the frog say?
“I eat bugs. You eat my legs.
You must be crazy!”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Moose Say

What does the moose say?
“No, I’m not an ugly deer.
I’m not Bullwinkle.”

Details | Hybronnet | |

kittens sleeping

     Two kittens sleep
     aside as I write purring
     each in a moccasin 

Details | Haiku | |


Lookin' after pests
Keepin' a CLOSE eye on 'em
"Those wild animals!"

Roamin' around zoo
Searchin' for sneaky monkey
Hidin' in a tree

Zookeeper gets mad
"Where's Marty, the smartypants!?"
"He TOOK my cage keys!"

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Wolf Say

What does the wolf say?
“That sly old fox outsmarts me
every damn time.”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Tick Say

What does the tick say?
“I prefer dogs but I’ll bite
your ass in a pinch.”

Details | Rhyme | |

Zoo Poo Doo

On my recent vacation I went to the nearby zoo.
While there a monkey hit me with a pile of poo.
I loudly complained to the zoo’s senior employees.
They told me that I was lucky an elephant hadn’t peed on me.
Then a giraffe spat a wad of goop on me, but I was really glad it wasn’t poop.
The worst part of the trip, by far, was seeing a naked fat man with a hula hoop.

Details | Haiku | |

Funny Animals

Pack rats are hoarders.
Loopy rabbits hop a lot.
Silly skunks spray stink.

Details | Free verse | |


My mom calls me Lion
Because I’m the king of my domain.
She also calls me Tiger
Cause I’m horrible to tame!
My father calls me Monkey
When I jump up on the bed.
He thinks I’ll trip and fall,
And then I’ll bump my head.
My sister calls me Fruit Fly,
Cause I like to steal her food.
I also like to buzz by
And annoy her like one too!
My brother calls me Cheetah
Cause I always beat him when we race.
He also says it’s cause I have freckles on my face.
I even think my dog thinks I’m something too
Because he always barks at me when I come into the room.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Rat Say

What does the rat say?
“Vote for me for Senator,
I am a good rat.”

Details | Haiku | |

Zoological Obesity

Chubby fat hippo.
Big burly badass rhino.
Stout lout elephant.

Details | Haiku | |

Beware The Skunk

Foam came from Pete’s mouth,
with a skunk biting his butt;
rabies on the run.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Cat Say

What does the cat say?
“That damn dog is getting on
my very last nerve.”

Details | Haiku | |

Negative Absurdities

You can’t hug a bug.
You can’t grapple with King Kong.
You can’t eat snot fast.

Details | I do not know? | |

The mouse family

Little mice are out of sight, they scratch
and nibble your house is riddled.

The mouse he knows the best places to go,
can fit through and hide in the most tiniest
of holes.

The mouse family numbers are soon to reach 
a hundred. Little feet and teeth, little mouse
babies extremely hungry.

Details | Limerick | |

Baddy Paddy

Paddy O’Briar was a stinking drunk,
Who would get as doggone crazy as a rabid skunk;
Then he would dance a wee Irish jig,
Have sexual relations with a pig,
And spend a restless night on a jailhouse bunk.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Home Sweat Home

A triangle top
A square foundation
A picketed white fence guarded 
two spotted dalmatians sitting on the
shaggiest rug that reads
"Home Sweat Home"

Details | Light Poetry | |

Ode To The Toad

This is an ode to the toad
that hopped down the dusty road
looking for a new abode.

There was no reason to goad
the glistening slimy toad
out of its old dirt abode.

A snake chased the timid toad,
hunkered down in mother mode
and laid eggs in the abode.

While still hopping down the road
a truck ran over the toad;
thus, no need for an abode.

Details | Limerick | |

Highlander Jockey

There once was a Highlander Jockey Like his stallion, brazen and cocky Sorry for being coarse I am hung like my horse So boastful, and all walkie talkie * Written 20/05/14 *

Details | Verse | |

When Grandma takes me to the park

When Grandma takes me to the park!
By Kim Mosteiro
I love when my grandma comes and picks me up to go to the park. We ride in
grandmas car to the park; and grandma sometimes stops on the way and we get ice
I like sliding down the slide; grandma waits at the bottom and catches me, or
sometimes she will slide down with me. One day I was swinging, and grandma
pushed me way high, I flew as high as the birds do, it was so much fun!
Grandma taught me how to climb a tree, just like she did when she was little, and
climbed her grandma's tree, to pick apricots for her Grandma's pies! Grandma
pushes me real fast on the merry-go-round; I go round and round and round and it
makes my head dizzy, and then I spin around just like the merry-go-round.
One day we saw a butterfly, it was blue and brown; I chased it and tried to catch
it but it got away. Grandma told me that every time I saw a butterfly, it would
mean that she was thinking about me; and she gave me a kiss and said that's what
it would feel like if a butterfly landed on my nose and kissed me!
But there was one day when Grandma took me to the park and I saw a snake, it
was scary when he shook his tail and it rattled. Grandma said I am to never go
near one and try to pick it up because it can hurt me, it's not like a butterfly. A
snake will bite you and make you sick Grandma says, so I will only chase butterfly's
not snakes.
I can't wait to go to the park again and see what new adventure Grandma and I
will go on.
“Dedicated to my Grandchildren: ADAM, ROSIE, SERENA

Details | Dodoitsu | |

The Butterfly Flutters By

The butterfly flutters by.
I catch the little booger
and feed it to my pet toad.
No more butterfly.

Details | Narrative | |

Gena The Geep

My name is Gena and I am an awesome geep.
Papa is Handsome Hank the tough old billy goat.
Mama is Curvy CeCe the lovely ewe sheep.
If I say so myself, I am a very gorgeous geep.
Every young billy goat bleats and every young ram sheep baas
their desire to top my firm rounded behind time after time.
All of the farm boys in the county fight over who will next milk
my gianormous voluptuous teets. Humans, they are so easy.
I draw the line at Dominic Donkey though, he is a real jackass.
I do love to tease Max Mule, the sterile old fool can’t even get it up.
I will only be young once and I intend to enjoy every minute of it.
Lust is my middle name. Love is my claim to fame. I am the queen.

For Animals Alive Contest  07/15/2014

Details | Light Poetry | |

Bats, Rats, Cats

Bats in the belfry.
Rats in the hall.
Cats sleeping through it all.

Details | Ballad | |

Ham versus Hog

Let me tell you a story
From a time gone by
The tale of a greedy butcher
And a pig that could fly

In the little village of Piddle Brook
There lived a butcher named Mr.Ham
He was bearded, bulky, and a belcher
And was rumored to eat his own toe jam

A lover of all meat
Pork,beef,duck,chicken, and mutton
All this gorger did was eat
He was a professional glutton

But Mr.Ham’s appetite was not satisfied 
He longed for some thick greasy bacon
Just a few strips, nicely fried
Served with pickled daikon

He peeked through his window 
And with one beady eye 
Spotted his neighbors hog
And pictured a flaky pork pie

His mouth watered
"What a delicious midnight snack!"
"I will barbecue,braise and fry her"
"But first I will launch my attack"

"Oh but I shan’t become a thief!"
"T’was only a whim!"
But Mr.Ham’s thin scruples vanished
His growling belly got the better of him

He grabbed a pitchfork
And the hefty hooligan set out
He advanced on the sleeping hog
And grabbed her by the snout

Her piggy eyes shot open
And in a flash
She darted past the butcher
And ran past the fence in a dash

Mr.Ham bellowed in rage
And waddled after the beast
But the pig was too quick
Yet Mr.Ham never ceased

And so the chase continued
A wild game of cat and mouse
They ran through the streets
Row upon row,house after house

Finally the swine was cornered
The escaped pig let out a squeal
And great feathery wings sprouted from her back
Said the pig “Thou shalt not steal” 

And with one final snort
Two leaps and a hop
The winged sow flew away
And Mr. Ham collapsed with a plop

"I suppose it was a sign from above"
Mr.Ham sighed with defeat
From then on the rotund carnivore
Gave up on eating meat

Details | Epigram | |

Stubborn as a Mule

A mule got a species change operation and made a real ass of himself...

Details | Kimo | |

Kinky Linky

Two dogs were doing the kinky linky.
My son asked me: “What is that?”
Stone cold silence from me.

Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”

Details | Quatrain | |

The Trolls Come Out At Night

Some cat entered my room one night I thought it was a ghost It smelled like something had just died But I must oblige my guest as the host I turned on the light and there it was An obnoxious opossum at best! Whoa! Forget my host duties, cous! Take the room—I’m an unhappy guest! I left the house with a shutter Before I realized I was heavily surrounded By cats on all sides, up and under The house they had all just rounded! In truth I was perturbed on all levels That I began to realize in horror That damn opossum had spawned these little devils! And tonight I must end this terror! I then ran straight to the kitchen Aware of the opossum inside If I give up the tuna and ditch um’ Perhaps I’ll escape this night alive The persistent cats scratched at the holes Those buggers—those meddlers! They could have been thieves—if not trolls! Their yowls would scare sumo wrestlers! Worst of all in this dilemma Tomorrow was grocery day There were no more cans of tuna All my fish had swam away! Somehow one got in And the rest came barreling through I ran toward my room to him The opossum looked so distressed and blue The little beady eyes pierced my soul And I knew from then on he was my friend He only meant to hide from the furry little trolls And escape a most pitiful end! I made up my mind at last And picked up my trusty broom Come on in—I dare yah tah pass! Ain’t no feline coming through this room! Glowing eyes burned with intent And the yowling grew loud as hell The little bullies think they can take my guest! They’ll fly like birds they will! That night was a battle like none other A battle I will proudly say I won I gained the friend of my life—a brother My pet’s a load of fun! As much as I love a neighbor cat They are a little scary as a race Thankfully a broom will push them back And put them in their place My opossum is a sweet little thing And I protect him with my life I’ll never judge a critter again Till actions bring it to light

Details | Footle | |

Footles for the Birds and the Beasts

Bad-ass old bear:

Cougar from Arizona:

Cowardly Cock-a-Doodle-Doer:

Date written: 8/19/2014
Submitted for: Andrea's Footle contest

Details | Light Poetry | |

Litigious Society

A cat ate a mouse
that had been poisoned by a man,
and the cat died.
The owner of the cat sued the man
for killing her cat.
A jury of his peers ruled
that the death of the cat
was a clear case of justifiable homicide.

Details | Rhyme | |

Windy Farm - A Childish Rhyme

The dog gave a bark
When the cat did a fart
As it woke him from his sleep
Then the cat screeched meaoow
To the sight of the cow
Who'd just done a big brown heap
The smell was atrocious
Was he trying to dose us
The horse in his paddock thought
Then the sheep gave a baaaa
As the whiff travelled far
A lesson in poo you've been taught

Details | Limerick | |

Elmer the Frog

All the reptiles gathered round
When Elmer the frog hopped into town.
There never was such bloated glee
As Elmer croaked his history,
Then from his pad fell and drown.

Details | Terza Rima | |


Anyone who thought that I follishly picked a rabbit, a cat,
a sheep, a bird or frog as an animal for my impersonating:
must have the wrong would be a big insult!

How would anyone see me becoming one of those?
Has anyone thought of me as a ferocious lion instead?
I would be the king of the jungle, but it could get worse!

I will be demanding obedience and loyalty from every small and big animal
that I have recorded in this book and as their leader I'll be just and pliant,
but wouldn't they envy me for my pretty lioness queen so gentle and beautiful?

Only lions have the ability to lead, solving the issues of justice, equality and fairness;
others may not seek the powerful ivory scepter I'll be holding in my claws,
and from this throne made of straw...they'll admire my sovereignty and mighteness!

Who's laughing in the noisy trees, where lots of monkees devour ripe bananas?
Who's shaking the brenches to make them fall and and land where I stand?
Don't they see the crown I'm wearing which intimitates the elephants and giraffes?

Nobody should be afraid of a docile lion that would turn ferocious...
if the jealous ones continued to ignore me and flashed looks of contention,
and although I am a self-appointed king, I can be kind, not atrocious!

Entered in Kristen Bruni's contest,
" If I Was Animal What Would I Be? "
written by Andrew Crisci

Details | Footle | |


Slave-driving beaver:
Dam it
Damn it!

For the 'Write Me a Footle' contest sponsored by: Judy Konos

Details | Limerick | |


Long ago in Booville lived a Doo
Doo had a friend named Rue-Foo
Rue-Foo was obsessed with candy
But he was never handy
Then Rue-Foo found a mooing Phu-boo

Details | Light Poetry | |

Coming Out of the Cage

I have a confession to make
I’m having an affair with my lizard
but she thinks I’m cheating on her
and often puts a tail on me

I’m wrapped up in another quandary
My python has a crush on me
and wants me to be her squeeze
It’s a slippery slope I’m slithering down

To be honest, she DOES take my breath away
but if my lizard lover hears this sordid tail
she Iguana be awful jealous, but frankly speaking
I think she needs to scale down her expectations… 

Details | Haiku | |

a kiss of sunshine

a kiss of sunshine pouty crimson horizon cock-a-doodle-doo

Details | Limerick | |

Trio of limericks

Trio of Limericks.

Saving money

There was an old fellow named Dave
He found a dead chook in a cave
It smelled just a bit
But he had to admit
That a whole lot of coin he did save.

When Andy got randy

There was an old sheep dog named Andy
He had such a liking for brandy
One day he got drunk 
And lord how he stunk
Cause with an old skunk he got randy.

Poor lady

Once an old lady named Faye
Who ate like a horse every day
This day she did choke
And it was no joke
Her corpse in a heap now does lay.

Details | Senryu | |

Jimi Takes One Too Many Trips

‘Scuse me while I kiss......
kiss the fox? No wait I meant
Oooh! Foxy......Sadie?

The fox say, ‘Not AGAIN’ of course…

Details | Footle | |

It's A Zoo Out There


Happy Crappie

Lizard Wizard

Rhino Wino

Chipper Flipper

Chunky Monkey

Rabbit Habit

Deer Beer

Bird Nerd

written January 26th for "Footle Fun" Contest
This is the first time I ever tried  to write a footle!

Details | Rhyme | |

The suspense is torture

A hit and run of epic proportion                                                                                       The Easter conspiracy in motion                                                                                      The CIA FBI  Interpol perplexed                                                                                       Who done it who will be next                                                                                Scotland yard the challenge not met the Reg.                                                                The goose no longer lays the golden egg                                                                   Public supply and demands satisfaction                                                                       Who will it be it is up to you investigation                                                                     Slow to the game the cards are on the the table                                                                The only glue you get a fable                                                                                    - for Lisa Cooper Poetessdarkly contest -Who murdered the Easter bunny? 3/5/2013

Details | Limerick | |

Limerick Tilly

Have an old boxer dog named Tilly
Whose loud snores are driving me silly
Tried those nasal strips
But they wouldn’t stick
The look she gave me was quite chilly

Details | Haiku | |

dog haiku

dog breaks wind in sleep awakens and sniffs the air then bolts from the room
dedicated to dogs and dog lovers (the funny side)

Details | Rhyme | |

to be a fish

Ever wonder what a fish will think
Why the heck it doesn't blink
Could they ever send a wink
If they're too fat will it sink
Do all cats like fish...even a link
Howcome fish really stink
Is water to a fish considered a drink
If a fish bends too far will it get a kink
Why is it male fish are the pretty colors like pink
Do poisonous fish spit out ink
When fish move their lips is it them doing a lip-sink
To be a fish let's call him Dink
If the water's warm will a fish shrink
Want to be a fish...maybe I'll re-think

Details | Verse | |

Shrodinger's Cat

My name is Fritz, Shrödinger’s Cat,
I sometimes wonder where I’m at.
Within a small world I exist;
My master, he’s a physicist
Who talks of protons, neutrons too,
Held in place with magic glue.
He’s weird and in his element
Performing this experiment.

Trapped in a box and full of strife,
I feel I’ve only half a life.
My fate decided by old Geiger,
I wish I’d been a Bengal tiger !
My feline life hangs by a thread;
In two minds if alive or dead,
I muse “To be or not to be,
That, is the real uncertainty”.

His scientific articles
On sub-atomic particles,
Ionising radiation
And his famous Wave Equation
Earned Erwin cherished Nobel Prize.
I stare at him with knowing eyes –
He’s overlooked I have nine lives –
Against the odds, the CAT survives !

Details | Couplet | |



Mother bear has said no climbing trees
in the woods
But she climbs higher than little bear 
ever could 

It's sometimes a good exercise this 
climbing around
There are occasions when you're safer 
up off the ground

Of course when climbing high up in a tree 
A bear never knows what the next 
encounter will be

A small bear advancing near a bee hive
Should have stayed below before here 
he arrived 

But aroma of honey caught his attention
Except one thing mom forgot to mention

These small creatures called bees 
Have needles in their little rears
And a sting from them will bring a baby 
bear to tears 

And then the speed of this baby bear's 
Would match an Olympian's best 
all time sprint 

Details | Verse | |

My Dog

With the stride of a goofball
My dog moves not so quick;
But with his wet sloppy tongue
He’ll give you a lick.

The guy’s always alert
He sings his loud Boxer bark,
At the girl across the street
Who loves his dog lark. 

Details | Limerick | |

Trying to teach a dog tricks

A fellow got into a
Trying to teach his
dog some new tricks
His canine named
Refused to roll over
And seemed totally
blind to thrown

Details | Rhyme | |

Christmas Sheep

Christmas Sheep
Winter is a coming in upon this Christmastide
And snowflakes fall on field and fell across the countryside
To cover brown and green, they spread their one blanket of white
And here and there, a white bump hints at something out of sight

Does he know it's Christmas, that sheepie in the snow?
Most likely not; he knows it's cold with no warm place to go.
He's somewhere there below the white, with snow piled up around
Wondering where went the light, what happened to the sound?

There is no time to hesitate, leave rescue undelayed
Put on your boots and hasten out, armed with your trusty spade
To dig around that snowclad hump that hides the sheepie form
And take that festive sheep inside, somewhere that he'll be warm

So do not get a Christmas tree, they don't belong inside
Get, instead, a Christmas sheep to celebrate Yuletide
Decorate him if you wish; things suitable to chew
For a Merry Christmas spent in company of ewe

Details | Rhyme | |

A Squirrel's Treat

Now there’s a sound I’ve heard before,
The quietest knock on plastic door,
The squirrel on the other side,
Boldly stands, no need to hide,
He knows that there’s nothing to fear,
From the people within here,
But if he can just look so sweet,
He might just earn himself a treat,
And so he stands with widening eyes,
Hoping for a small surprise,
He waits patiently for bread,
With his tail so bushy and red,
Give him it dry and he might just utter,
“Thank you Miss, but where’s the butter?”

Details | Limerick | |

The Crow

I once heard a knock at my door
And there was a crow repeating "No more"
I was so taken aback
I hit him with a rack
And sent him crashing right on the floor!


Details | Free verse | |

A Cricket Lies Dead

A cricket lies dead on the sidewalk...


Gwendolen Rix

Details | Free verse | |

Kats Are Krazy Kool

(this poem has nine stanzas, which means KATS have 9 
lives - there's proof right there! J/K Enjoy this silly, kute 

For some weird reason,
Those kute kreatures make my night
The best one ever!

Klever, little kats
I weep happy tears…buddy!

Listenin’ to musik…
Demi Lovato’s awesome
Lonesome without kat…

Without my kute kat
By my side, I’m torn apart
My lonely day’s gone!

Kats make my night fun!
Midnight has dawned upon me
Aww…kitty witties! 

Without my buddies,
I’d be an unhappy guy
Music + kats = great! 

Hey krazy kitty!
Come to me! Cheer me up, man!
Kats are krazy kool!

My kompanion’s kewl!
My black kat, Spy, reminds me
Of a sly panther 

All of my kitties
Make me beam all day and night
Where’s my furry friend?

Details | Verse | |

Who's smarter now

Dogs, are man's best friend
who's most endearing quality is 
an unbound willingness 
to do our bidding

Cats, are like prodigies or savants
who's most endearing quality is
an unbound resistance
to do the same

Details | Limerick | |

The Frog Who Could See His Future

While watching man jog to his friend
A frog croaked a future portend
Man finished his jog
By sitting on log
And that’s how the frog met his end

Details | Limerick | |

A Woman Named Flo


There once was a woman named  Flo 
Who did it by the way that you know 
She had a long nose 
And alligators in tow 
Who ate her nose and each of her toes! 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000 


Details | Rhyme | |

The Hedgehog Fashionista

Oh lovely, little hedgehog, playing in the grass,
I love your prickly, stylish coat, it brings you so much sass.
I see that little nose of yours, twitching to no end,
sniffing out the next hot thing, the next must-have fashion trend.
But I am on to you little hedgehog, playing in that grass.
I will not just sit here idle by, with two thumbs up my ass.
I know you’re planning something big, something evil too,
when I look into those eyes of yours, you become a cunning shrew. 
You stole my Chanel, and my Versace, I bet my Armani you did.
Don’t even try to deny it gurrl, for I am not a kid,
I’m all grown up and stronger now; look I’m taller too.
I’d think twice about crossing me again, especially if I were you.
So continue lovely, little hedgehog, playing in the grass,
I’ll be keeping an eye on you, under my big ol’ magnifying glass.
Maybe I’ll show you true style, some taste and if you’re lucky some true passion,
‘cause you, lovely, little hedgehog don’t know anything about fashion.

Details | Light Poetry | |

cos i rolled in fox poo

Oh my she has that look in her eye
Means something nasty is going to happen to me
Gives me a biscuit and tells me I’m  a good  girl
The fur on the back of my neck starts to  curl

Come along Tilly she said it’s a shower for you
All because I rolled in fox poo
Collar is off, towels at the ready
I looked her straight in the eye and said

I had one last month. What do you think you’r at
I am not some poncey dog  or a fluffy cat
I am a brave Boxer Girl with a bark like a rottie
Scares people to death think it’s so funny

So here I stand all over a quiver
The water nice and warm I will try not to slither
Wow smelly shampoo  come on now why do you bother
Rather smell of fox poo will just roll in another

Can’t understand humans why they get so uptight
Cos I rolled in fox poo is that not alright
You soak in a bath and smell of flowers and things
You think that’s alright  , well I think Fox poo swings

Details | Rhyme | |

Is it Spring Yet

Phil was a fuzzy groundhog
Sleeping peacefully below
He dreamed of warmer days
Days of no more snow
Then rough hands reached down
And pulled him from his sleep
What is going on, he shouted
Put me back you giant creep
Why did you drag me out right now
I don’t think you even care
Can’t you see it’s freezing out
Now put me back in there
I’ll come out when the time is right
But not now if you please
Spring will come in its good time
Put me back so I don’t freeze
You crazy men are worried
When will the winter end
It will come when days are warm
On that you can depend

Details | Light Poetry | |


Twinkling little elephant toes
 Prancing through the Garden Of Woes,
 Sniffing daisies
 With his long dainty nose.

 "Good morning to you", 
 says a cute butterfly.
 With cheeks glowing pink
 The mammoth creature whispers, "Hi".

 Turning from pink
 To bright crimson red,
 He bats his lashes
 And hides his head.

 As the butterfly turns
 And flutters away,
 The prancing little elephant
 Continues to play.

 I realize then
 That it's time for bed.
 Cuz, the dancing pink elephant
 Is all in my head!

Details | Blank verse | |

Kill Da Wabbit

                    Kill Da Wabbit
              (a low IQ non fat Haiku) 

Carrot hangs on branch

Kill da wabbit kill da wabbit

C.I.L.L....... da wabbit

Details | Rhyme | |

Poor Ewe

When you're a sheep and feel unwell, it's also often true
When dipped into your medicine, you come up feeling blue
Blue from your woolly noggin-lid, down to your woolly socks
And inside from your woolly brain, down to your woolly hocks

So when you are a poorly sheep, and feel in poorly form
You're gonna feel off-colour, 'cos off-colour is the norm
And both insides and outsides are tinged with shades of blue
There's only one thing left to say, and that will be, "Poor Ewe!"

Details | Haiku | |


(TRIPLE HAIKU in fact...)

Awww...cats are so cute!
Rubbing against my 2 legs

I head to my room
They watch me like a shepherd
My sheep follow me!

My little buddy
Follows me into bathroom 
Hope she turns her head

Details | Rhyme | |

Stupid In Love

Beneath a dark and grumpy cloud I stood naked in a field and sung aloud In broken chokey nouns and vowels About my love, My only pal I dripped with rain I needed a towel But these words I had to read And the time was now 'My sweetest love. My love divine' I shouted to the heavens 'I wish you were mine! Answer me god if I am right That this fair maiden should be my wife?' No answer came except more rain So I looked around And was surprised to see A sheep standing next to me Grazing neatly I bleated at it 'Baaaaaaaaaaaaaah' But it sheepishly ignored me And Grazed on neatly What do you say old wooly one? Can this person be the one? It turned and looked at me and said 'Shut the hell up you moron!' And at that, I fled

Details | Couplet | |

Pesky Rabbit

Hey pesky rabbit where are you
I know all my plants you did chew

Hey pesky rabbit don't you hide
I'm gonna take you for a little ride

Hey pesky rabbit don't you fret
I not gonna hurt you..........yet

I was gone for a week and a day
In my garden you decided to play

Eating up all that was green
Now my garden can't be seen

You thought it was your mess hall
Now I have to replace them all

So little rabbit I'm watching you
If you do it once more you'll be stew

Details | Rhyme | |

Cotton Ball

Itty, bitty bunny out my window
Fine, furry, funny fellow
Underneath flowers yellow
Wiggly nose and ears pulled back
Eating grass, chew and snack

Noise! Run to burrow!
Wherein your others await
Familiar, fine, furry, funny fellows
Like yourself, with furry, fuzzy cotton ball butts
In the burrow, safely shut

Details | Light Poetry | |

Freckle Head Sam

I know a seagull named freckle head Sam,
 he plays on the beach in the hot sand.
Likes Wildwood and Cape May too,
 because there's always something to do.
Eats curly fries right from your hand,
 that dirty seagulll freckle head Sam.
Pretzels, popcorn, and ice cream too,
 he eats everything you know it's true.
So beware if your out on the beach,
 keep your food out of reach.
For freckle head Sam is always close by,
 ready to swoop down from the sky.


Details | Monorhyme | |

Personally Speaking, Singing

Singing is Bi-polar.
Some songs sound like an aching molar
Packed with violence, hate and anger.
Other songs are sung to win him or her.
Soft sweet words that cause love to whir.
Passion packed with minds a blur,
Bi-polar songs make emotions stir.

Singing touches the soul.
Old love, new love, no love…take their toll.
A heartfelt song can break a man or make him whole.
Singing about God help’s reach Heaven’s goal.
Songs that strengthen fulfill that role.
Where Heaven’s gates need no bankroll.
Only pure hearts who found time to enroll.

Singing vociferously is fun.
Whether in the shade or in the sun,
It does not matter where it’s done.
I did it once where a spider spun.
My woodland tune like opera sung
Brought birds to listen one by one.
A peacock’s courtship I once won.

Personal singing is not just for a bird.
They chirp all day singing no word.
Like man, they tweet when love is stirred.
Then comes the rooster; someone is spurred.
Anhingas sing; blurred tunes…absurd!	
Meanwhile the raven’s voice is heard.
Why are they singing; we’re all bestirred!

Copyright January 14, 2014
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Three or More Stanzas, Three or More 
Thoughts on the Same Idea 	
Sponsored by: Sheri Fresonke Harper

Details | Rhyme | |

Punxsutawney Phil Speaks

Hey, don'cha know I'm Punxsutawney Phil
Yah, I give folks 'round these parts quite a thrill!
'Round the second of Feb. they all gather here
Grab me from my hole to predict weather each year.

Yep, I'm one special groundhog by the hoopla I hear
Flags flying, bands playing, there's plenty of beer.
But I'd rather stay here in my snug little place
To eat what I want and just hibernate.

My cheeks are chubby, my tummy is fat
I'm warm and I'm cozy, I like it like that.
But now I hear them coming for me
They pull me right out of my quiet reverie.

The crowd gathers 'round, they want me to speak
To make proclamation, wise counsel to seek.
Out into the cold winter air with a lurch
All eyes trained on me, I cry out, "BUURRP"!

Details | Couplet | |



A raven chick attempted first flying lesson 
He didn't quite make his preplanned destination

Mother bird stood by evaluating his flying foray 
Okay is good  but good is not okay

There's more to this story and it's all true
Mother had something more before she 
was through

When her little bird alighted on one of 
canyons' ledges
She flew to him and placed a treat from 
her beak into the fledger's

But there are some who have no use for birds
Using birds as models for disparaging words

Pointing a finger "bird brain" they will say
Not realizing the finger is pointed the wrong way 

Details | Free verse | |

Just as if I'd

rocking the boat                                                                                                -    Hey Hey what are you doing                                                                                            There is a snake

Details | Rhyme | |

Sherlock Sheep

Who is that ambling up the lane
With woolly wherewithal?
Few would bother to explain
An aimless animal.
But that's no common woolmonkey
Seeking out the truth
Deductions elementary:
It's Sherlock Sheep, the sleuth.

Sometimes you may not know he's there
Behind cunning disguise
A woolly mind is brought to bear
In cutting through the lies
The daft sheep form you see by day
Is just another ruse
Whilst eating through a flower display
He's searching after clues

A murder in the midden
Or a stabbing by the stye
A trespasser unbidden
Or crop circles in the rye
All puzzles for the intellect
But have no fear of doubt
The woolly noggin shall detect
The sheep will work it out

He may be here, he may be there
He may be with the flock
No tell tale trace betrays just where
The sheep who's named Sherlock
But when dire duty comes to call
You'll find him there in place
A comfort to be felt by all:
The sheep is on the case

Details | Prose Poetry | |









Details | Haiku | |

Exotic Dancers

little monkey face                                                                                                        little Dragon Monkeys sway                                                                                    they’re dancing orchids                  *                                                                         *                                                                                                                                                               Note -Flowers Imitating Monkeys--Dracula simian, and Orchis simia

Details | Chastushka | |


My dog gets in positions,
That make me shake my head.
If I tried such positions,
I surely would be dead.

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 

Details | Prose | |

Snake Charmer

He hunted snakes, raided nests of snake babies, tied strings to their tails,
took them to school. Tucked inside his desk, baby snakes escaped,
slithered down, made their way across the schoolhouse floor and down
through a hole in the floor.

At recess, my brother could be found, crawling under the schoolhouse,
hunting for his snakes. Crazy brother, playing with snakes, chasing us
girls to hear us scream, hiding snakes in hollow stumps, securing their
prison with a board, weighted down with a rock. 

Many years later, ironing his shirt in our basement family room, a yell,
“It’s a snake!” He’s taking the stairs, in doubles, to put distance between
himself and the snake, who had crawled in through the fireplace vent. It
was a harmless garden snake. We had the last laugh.

Details | Rhyme | |

Peter The Piglet

My name is Peter the piglet I love to lie in the sun Basking in the sunshine Is my idea of fun I’m going on vacation soon I need to top up my tan To just laze around in the sun all day That is my only plan And what do I do at night, When the sun has gone off to bed? It really isn’t a problem I just lay on my sunbed instead And when I am all tanned and bronzed Of me everybody will talk Yes I will be the envy of the sty Is it me, or can you smell roasting pork?
For the contest Show Me The Funny part two

Details | Haiku | |

SWAN SONG a spring haiku


black ice fools
swans’ midnight landing
feathers slide

winds laughter
tickles newborn twigs
raven’s smirk

Victoria Anderson-Throop

Details | Prose | |

Happy Rat Day

I am officially naming today Rat Day! Yes I am! I mean why not? The groundhog gets all the attention, but what about the rats and the dogs? There is no special day commemorating the other animals. What about National Dinosaur Day or Polite Guinea Pig Day?

Rats need to be celebrated also because they have intuition like none other. Aren't they always the first to know if the ship is going down? They all scurvy to the top and even hang onto the mast for dear life alerting the others of their soon fate! What could be more important than that? 

And allow us to consider the dog? Or what about the cat? These two domesticated animals bring so much delight as they often sit on our laps like the rest of the family. When is the last time you watched television and allowed a groundhog to sit upon your lap? I would venture to say, NEVER!

So in honor of all the other animals out there, I say let's cut them some slack! Let's honor the animals that are dear to our hearts, not one that goes back and hibernates for six more weeks!


gwendolen rix

Details | Free verse | |

The Art of Eating Like a Man

There is something 
about eating a rack of ribs
that makes me feel medieval.

I feel like a portly and bearded Hemingway 
in a bulky fisherman's sweater 
after a bullfight when 
I ingest barbecued pork.

Beads of testosterone 
bleed out of my forehead
as I eat.

A man does not utilize 
a prissy and feminine set of utensils
to neatly slice and daintily dice 
the tender meat from the rack.

A bona fide man will clutch the ribs 
with his creased and hard-working hands,
sink his incisors deep into the roasted flesh,
and with a quick forty-five degree snap of his head,
will shred the dead animal’s brawn from its bone.

And like the full-bellied lion 
who rests in the verdant shade 
with gazelle blood dripping from his lips,
the man who just finished a rack of ribs
will lean back in his chair,
rub his enlarged stomach,
while not realizing that he’s wearing 
a moustache of barbecue sauce.

Details | Rhyme | |


Litter sisters playing hard
Romping round our big front yard,
"I will catch you soon sister dear."
"No you won't i have no fear,
I'll swivel here, then dart around,
You'll be left lying on the ground,
You can't turn as fast as me,
Ha,ha,ha, i'm running free."

Little Muff dipped her rump,
Exploding legs caused her to jump,
Bindi rolled with Muff on top
And the game came to a grinding stop.

My doggies chase every day,
Until they're just too tired to play,
They come inside, rest their paws,
Get ready for the next doggy wars.

-more poems like this can be found at:

Details | Rhyme | |

Noahs Ark - contest

Noahs Ark had pairs of animals
To take to a place of safety
The ones I wish to write about
Are very busy ones you must agree

They started out as a pair
Very soon this number increased
Wonder if you can guess
Of this sexual pair, libido unleased

They are not very big
With a tail as long as he
A long snout with whiskers
Scuttles along always hungry

Yes it’s a pair of mice
Well it was just a pair
But now you can count in dozens
Unless fancied for some others fare

Cos a mouse would be a tasty snack
For a larger animal
The way they are reproducing
Guess this is one way of having a cull

Details | I do not know? | |

the Zany Zoo

The awakening of the dawn like a butterfly busting through the cocoon.
The rhino's thyroid condition was exacerbated as the cheetah conflict 
As I drank in and tasted the coolness of the water, 
my eyes gazed upon the crocodile's welcoming smile, 
the caption was split apart by the hyena's maniacal laughter,
As I breathed in the heinous adventure,
man what I would do for a cliff bar!
Billy Roberts from Germantown Pennsylvania, you are the planner of my trips 
no longer.
I'm immersed in the baboon conflict much,
Cheetah's are too anxious and scared'
those crazy colored monkeys,
Always be constantly straight trippin,
I suppose its time to go snatch up a snow cone,
At least then i'll be heated up,
Suppose I'll meander down yonder over in the holler,
the Zoo will be closing soon,
Why is this peacock making a bead-line for me?
Get hence from me you beastly bird!
You Great White, who's sensed the blood in the water,
the kids are all laughing at me, 
As I hang clumsily from this tree,
Screaming shrill and hoarsely for someone to come and save me, 
I enmesh myself and become one with the tree,
Ya that's right devil-bird! walk away!
that's why they call me lizard lips,
I can hide from anything,
Wednesday will be my greatest day,
because it begins in W and ends in Y, 
As I take in a deep relaxed breath and pinch my leg until my eyes begin to 
adjust again,
The Bronx Zoo is no bueno,
Asta la Vista you toothy baboons

Details | Monorhyme | |

Oy Vey, Another Groundhog Day

“Let go your hold
Your hands are cold
And it’s getting old
When I am un-holed
My soul’s been sold
So they can behold
That a marmot’s found gold
Since they think I’ve foretold

And cast a dark spot
Or maybe not
Coz all I got
Is a long shot
See my nerves are shot
Since I don’t know squat
And danger is fraught
If I show what is naught

Yet they still seek
Punx Phil’s mystique
And ask that I speak
But I only squeak
Then they’ll all peek
At my chubby physique
Of which they’ll critique
Plus there’s still six more weeks”

Details | Haiku | |

Hyena's showdown

tic tock a high noon                                                                                              sun is glaring with laughter                                                                                             tails dart to darkness

Details | Rhyme | |


I always thought it was impossible for a person to reincarnate but I learned that they can.
After I died, I reincarnated but I didn't come back to life as a man.
I came back to life as a dog and my wife is my owner.
Even though I'm a dog, she still gives me a boner.
I was shocked when I looked in the mirror and saw that I'm a Saint Bernard.
Some times my wife tries to date men but I chase them and I bite them hard.
When I was a Human, I had elegance and class.
But last night I bit a chunk out of a man's ass.
Certain things put me in a bad mood.
One of which is having to eat Dog Food.
Being near my wife is intoxicating and it's sure to please.
But I'm about to itch to death because of these damn fleas.
I'll stop my wife from dating men until I die, that's what I'll do.
If you ever try to date my wife, I'll take a big chunk out of you.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | I do not know? | |



Details | Free verse | |

The Brawl

For the moment I merely watched him
Running back and forth in his home
I am patient you see
I am full of time plenty
I am the sly one in the darkness and I am hungry

So I waited, all day I waited,
All night I waited, I waited, waited, waited
And in the morning he came out of his house
I waited no more

I struck like a black bolt of lightning streaking down from the heavens
As if Death itself had ripped across space to sever everything with its scythe
I screamed down from heaven and struck

Only to find him leaping up and over me
To tumble in the air and land behind me
I landed in a crouch...
Peering around over my shoulder I gleamed at him

He for his sake I saw glaring back at me balefully with eyes and one hand beckoning me

I snarled

Spun around and lashed out with my whip as I did
He ducked it,

With the speed of sound my fist struck him
He blocked it

Out came my foot, and then the other
He evaded the first, and caught the second
I rolled and struck him across his face with the first

Again I landed on my feet

He staggered back and with a back flip he was ready once more...

He wiped his nose with one hand
Bade me come at him again with the other
A sly half grin on his lips

I charged this impudent fool
Changed direction, spun around
Out came my whip
Out came my foot
And he leaped over my whip
Flipped between my foot
And struck me twice with his own
light kicks to the face meant to shock me more than hurt me

We parted and circled each other
Looking for openings in the other's defenses

And there because I am patient I found it
A chink in his armour of skill and technique

He was mine
Again I rushed him in one smooth fluid motion
Twin kicks, the whip, my fists, and head butt, knees and elbows
In blinding fury, speed and in the space between thought it was over...

He retreated blocking the kicks,
Ducking the whip,
Avoiding the fists left then right
Catching the head butt in his hands
Countering the knees with his knees
The elbows with his elbows
And then...
He did the impossible

Defeated me

Rolling backwards he slammed my head into the wall,
Sliding from beneath my crumpling body with his feet
To stand ready inches from my limping body

I remember thinking then as my eyes closed to the world
"That's one damn tough hamster," I get out of the Kitty Clinic in two days

I want a rematch

Details | I do not know? | |

A Flys Life

                on sill

Details | Rhyme | |


My name is Moozy I’m probably the smartest cow you’ll ever meet. I’m not just 
another cow that you’ll eat. I can count my friends poopy feet. 1 2 3 4 she has 4 
smelly feet.

Details | Rhyme | |

Knight Owl

Owl Protect This Wall

“Who? Who goes there?
Owl be the judge, beware
Of your presence I’m aware
Your entry Owl impair

My warning you’ve ignored
I’m an expert with a sword
Your defiance I’ve deplored
Now we fight over discord”

He attacks from his midflight
A ferocious Owl knight
Displaying his great might
He defends the castle site

The entry was denied
Owl puffs his chest with pride
Failed attack he tried
No mouse will get inside

Details | Light Poetry | |


Announcing your arrival
in a high-pitch buzzing-tone.
As a tactic for survival,
you're seldom on your own.
Red lumps display where you have been.
Often felt, though rarely seen.
But if I catch a glimpse of you,
my little vampire chum,
I'll make sure you get what you're due,
and squash you with my thumb!

Inspired by my packing to go on vacation, I posted this poem on my blog about a month ago, along with one of my illustrations. you can see it by here -

Details | Narrative | |

Heritage Sponges

At least once a month
the stench from my kitchen
sponge gets so bad I refuse 

one more soap saturation
of this primitive sessile. 
Why is it that I can’t toss 

these replicas of marine life, 
amongst the simplest animal form, 
free of tissues, muscles, nerves 

and internal organs? After all, 
during the course of one day I toss out 
all sorts of rubbish—paper towels, 

chicken bones, cheese rind, empty cartons,
newspapers and rotten fruit, but have developed 
a deep attachment with this soggy, smelly 

two-dollar purchase. I take it into my hands 
and scan it,  as if looking for the spot 
of defending stench or to hear the ocean 

from where it came. Finally, I decide 
to toss the thing into the dishwasher 
with my daily load, to keep it vital 

a little longer, perhaps a day or a week
or at least until I’m able to establish a degree
of separation from this rectangular block.

My only explanation for this drama
is my daughter is a vegetarian and animal rights’ 
activist, and like her, I want to save all creatures.