Wouldn't you rather~
Wouldn't you rather~ be dead?
Maybe shoot yourself in the head?
Over my dead body, I would never want to be a zombie like you.
The sight of your limbs are rotten all the time.
Sorry that the sight of you looks like a 3 legged swine.
So go ahead and do us a all favor,
hide and stash yourself away from all your neighbor.
I think i'd rather have my eyes stuck with glue
So I won't have to look at you
When it comes to family friends, you ain't got none.
Your always gonna be called the lonely retarded one.
Who could ever love a face like yours.
not even your mother can see pass your gore's
No need for privacy when you pee
Go ahead and take a leak and drown yourself in the sea.
Don't think for one second you are irresistible
Love making with a zombie is impossible.
Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head
The time to kill yourself is at hand.
Slicing your wrist is what we recommend.
Cut off your tongue, don't want to hear you squeal.
Blood all over, your face is no big deal
A sword or machete will only pick up the pace
I wanna see your guts pop out your mid-waist
Contaminated objects is a must
Anything to remove your face of disgust.
The easy part is the best
Once you are gone we will all feel blessed,
The flaw of your existence
Is what keeps us all in distance
Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head
Close your eyes and die
No one wants to hear you cry
You said you wanted to be loved
believe me~ your better off unloved
I say go do yourself off
Anyways you've always had it rough...
Go ahead and scream
This is not a dream
Now see how you make me feel
All I want is for you to end your ugly ordeal.
I will praise this day of course
Knowing soon you'll be a rotting corpse.
happy valentine ~ TO: All My DEADBEAT X-es from Texas..
I heard he died last night
He was singing on the road again
He should have picked another song!
Not a Clerihew and pure fiction..
A word play off his famous song :)
I shiver at the thought of being attacked by owls,
My home infested by Carols' pesky trolls,
A fire breathing dragon,flying around in the lobby,
Or a hand crawling around searching for it's body,
A hunchback with six eyes in his head,
Or zombies walking around calling themselves,the living dead,,,
I am scared of bats,turning into vampires,
Gorgons hopping around,throwing balls of fire,
Werewolves with scars,Chuckies with stitches,
And that big hairy bump on the nose of witches,
Blood running from the nozzle when I turn on the faucet,
Or skeletons and the Boogieman playing cards in the closet,,,
Right now i'm in a dark,dark room,hiding under the bed,
Features of my face growing taller,changing the shape
of my head,
Fingernails becoming fangs,eyes turning red,
GRRRR!!!it's HOLLOWEEN again,a night of feast
for the rising dead,,,
Shawn and Shauna fell deeply in love
And were on their way to be wed
When a car, on that day, took their lives straight away
As both of their bodies, lie dead
But their spirits were both drawn to heaven
As they stood, in front of the gates
Saint Peter was there, at the top of the stairs
When Shawn hollered loudly “Just Wait"
Now Peter looked puzzled, at Shawn
And said "This is no time to tarry "
Shawn spoke again, and refused to go in
Without being properly married
Saint Peter replied very softly
"We don't do that kind of thing here
But if you're willing to wait,
“I’ll see if I can, get it cleared”
Three months went by, while they waited
Saint Peter, show up with a Priest
"I know it was slow, But I want you to know
You’ll be married Forever at least"
As the wedding was getting started
Shawn asked a question, with doubt
What happens here in heaven
“If this marriage just doesn’t work out”
A silent filled up the heavens
Saint Peter, was shaking his head
And once he regained his composure
This is what Saint Peter said
“It took Three Months to find a Priest
In this Heavenly Foyer
How long do you think, I’ll take for me
Up here, to find you a Lawyer ?”
I was strolling through Evergreen Cemetery the other day,
Glancing at epitaphs etched upon various stones along the way.
Some flowing verse was out of this world but I can only assume,
That the authors were forthcoming in how they met their doom!
"Should an inconsiderate bird upon my stone alight,
Please do me a favor and remove the blight!"
"Here reposes a dude who tried to rob a lady teller,
But she was a keener shot than this unlucky feller!"
"Here sleeps ace pilot Captain Cletus Cole;
His wings were clipped attempting a barrel roll!"
"Here reclines butcher Clyde who cheated on his wife.
Unknown to him she was also adept at wielding a butcher knife!"
"Here lies Hank his mortal shell riddled with lead.
He was nabbed rustlin' steers and the sheriff shot him dead!"
"Here is deposited the corpus of Eddie a top-notch baker.
He is now serving assorted donuts to his beloved Maker!"
"Please relay your regards as by this way you pass,
But for heavens sake, keep off the cottin' pickin' grass!"
"On a banana peel the dear departed slipped and fell.
We pray he landed in paradise and not in hell!"
"He didn't know his Volkswagen had all that power.
He met his doom head-on doing 90 miles per hour!"
"Fer nigh on 40 years old Hank rode this earthly range;
Now he rides in that final roundup on that heavenly grange!"
"Gambler Jim has left very few friends behind to grieve;
He was caught with a couple of aces up his sleeve!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
"Grave is not mistake-
Nobody can miss it and everybody to take"
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.
The Darwin Awards are a posthumous honor, recognizing those who have improved the human gene pool by removing themselves from it by their own foolish actions.
In a robbery way out in Long Beach
Elliot's handgun misfired in the breech
Down the barrel he took
A quite scatterbrained look
Then made it more than a figure of speech
There was a foolish fellow named Gary
Who gulped gasoline over near Cary
The fuel made him gag
So he fired up a fag
And now smokes in the state mortuary
"Look, no helmet!" Phil proudly decried
In the headgear disobedience ride
He stood for his rights
Then put out his lights
When he flew off his Electra Glide
An impatient Korean got miffed
And was ramming the doors of the lift
Then went a bit daft
When he got the shaft
But his ride to the bottom was swift
Walk before you speak.
Lend your voice that seek.
Foot forward and back.
So will that be a fact.
Gone by and be well.
Trip up and put into a cell.
Got no one to talk to.
I want a phone call to sue.
When I wake from my slumber.
I wish not to be hit by lumber.
Going to become a dreamer.
I hope that I do not become a screamer.
I got new shoes.
With colorful strings that are loose.
I am slow on tying them.
I feel they are harder than stem.
String are not new.
They smell pew.
I walk once again to journey.
That means I need some money.
Trip up again with meaningless acts.
Walking with out trust that lacks.
Shamefulness I speak.
I go behind a tree to leak.
I have no home set in stone.
Wheeling and dealing always alone.
Since I was a child that was left on the street.
I became a street beat.
Strolling with confidence to day.
Making my way.
Some law men stop me.
I was so out of it that they can see.
They thought I was on drugs.
I was really itching bugs.
Stumbling because I have not eaten.
So they grab me and I got beaten.
They finally found me innocent.
So I told them to get bent.
I was a good citizen with high hopes.
The society today thinks I am on dopes.
Can I be help with no pain.
Will they put me some were I will gain.
So I was put into a helpful place.
I was then able to eat and say grace.
Some crazy person came in and started shooting.
So people ran and started looting.
Cannot get away from bad luck.
Sure enough I feel so stuck.
Knowing that I was fleeing.
I became worth not seeing.
I lay there my time just feeling has pass.
Losing my mind and running out of gas.
Finally I hear a person the sound sounds so weak.
A life time that I wanted to seek.
Found myself in a bed.
Down to nothing I was shed.
A person with white clothes that said your in luck.
You survived and now you owe some buck.
So sad not really glad.
Bad thing was the kid that was shooting was my lad.
Time really passes I just want to walk.
To see my kid to talk.
Why did he do what he did.
Dad he said I was starving and I am a kid.
So I have turn to a life time of crime.
Dad do not give me your time.
Because when we talked long ago.
You just left home with all the doe.
Hope you have a good life.
Because mom had been a good wife.
Now it is your turn.
So you can walk into the fire and burn.
With out a doubt you will walk away.
Trip on and Trip up and you will never pay.
Now dad keep your love.
Because I seek my mother above.
You will be chain.
Down you go insane.
What's that in your hand?. Let me see.. He said.
It's a picture; that`s Chuck; he is my friend... I said.
You pick your friends kinda young, don't you?... He said.
No, that was a long time ago. We were in college... I said.
I'd like to hear more about your pal Chuck... He said.
Okay... I met Chuck in New Paltz in `74... I said.
Oh, that's the pot smoking college, isn't it... He said.
Don't generalize, everyone's not the same... I said.
You're right. So tell me some more about Chuck... He said.
Okay, so you want the short version, or long one ... I said.
Whatever you like, I have plenty of time ... He said.
Well, this guy Chuck approaches me; he looks perplexed... I said.
So what was his issue. Why that look on his face... He said.
Chuck tells me "No one will stay with me in the room."... I said.
How odd is that? That doesn't make sense... He said.
You and I swing one way, Chuck swings the other. ... I said.
Now I see what the problem was; What did you do?... He said.
What do you think ? That doesn't bother me.... I said.
Hey, you want to hear a funny story? It's a side splitter... I said.
I've got time. I could use a good laugh right about now... He said.
Chuck had a 53 Schwinn bicycle, all chrome, red and white... I said.
You've got to be kidding me. I haven't seen one in years.... He said.
I'd hop on back. We`d go to town and chug down a few together... I said.
That's not funny. Where's the punchline? So what happened?... He said.
Well, one day Chuck failed a test and got super pissed off.... I said.
That's not funny either. You've got to do better than that.... He said.
He yanked on the handlebar so hard, he busted it clean in half... I said.
Wow ! Did they have "Funniest Home Videos" back then?... He said.
That's not all. We had so much fun together. There's more... I said.
Don't keep me in suspense. Lay it on me..... He said
There was this girl; unique with a special attribute.... I said.
What was so special? Three breasts instead of two?... He said.
No joke, her name was Madam Clittora! Enough said... I said.
I can't believe that. You gonna leave me hanging?... He said.
Anyway, shortly after that, I graduated. Chuck was younger.... I said.
So what happened to Chuck? Good friends keep in touch... He said.
We saw him two years later. We visited With his family, was nice... I said.
Ever see them again? You shouldn't desert a friend.... He said.
You're right. But things don't always pan out... I said.
So what does that mean? You both seemed quite close.... He said.
I was married at the time with a lot of responsibilities... I said.
So that's no excuse. You should've kept in touch... He said.
After that, I didn't. Time changes things. Wasn't intentional.... I said.
So is there more to this story? There's got to be more... He said.
Oh, there is. Time moves on. 35 years later... I said.
It's 2010 and out of the blue, I think of my old pal Chuck... I said.
So you didn't forget him after all, but almost... He said.
It's a gamble, Chuck Drzal was in the phonebook; I called... I said.
Good for you. You took a chance, renewed a friendship... He said.
You're right. Just like old times. `74 again. What a feeling... I said.
So what happened next. Tell me quick, can't wait... He said.
We talked off and on, old times and new things; it was good... I said.
So it sounds like things are really working out for you guys... He said.
We saw Chuck, in the summertime; looked good for 52... I said.
Hey that's great news; Is there more to the story?... He said.
A little more... His friend died the day after we saw him... I said.
Oh, bummer. Sorry to hear that. How`s Chuck now?... He said.
Called him in November. His diamond ring was stolen... I said.
Wow ! That's a real downer. Did they catch the bastard?... He said
No !... I said.
There's got to be more than that. Call him since then?... He said..
Yeah... but... I called twice... he never answered the phone... I said.
Well, I hope you find out how he is doing?... He said.
I did. Saw his obit a few days ago. He died November 17th... I said.
He looked at me. A tear rolled down his cheek... He said nothing..
I looked at him. Couldn't speak, all choked up.... I said nothing.
He looked at me. Gave me a hug, turned and walked away.
I yelled to the universe... "That's Chuck, he's my friend!"
The gloomy doomers say
life’s a bitch and then you die,
then your soul goes straight to hell.
I reply that if what they say is true,
at least you will get to spit in the devil’s eye.
A crowded table, all suspended in shock
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!
There was a young man lived in Dover
And he was the son of a rover
He fell into the sea
Cause clumsy was he
A shark came and it was all over.
MY NAME IS ALFRED GARNETT
(With apologies to Johnny
My name is Alfred Garnett,
and I'm married to a silly
'Every time I come home
from work - she tells me
what to do!'
I am a Tory supporter -
well, someone has to be -
I keep on praising Ted
Heath - he lived at bleak
house for free!
I work very hard every
day - and I have a little
And when I was told to
work a three day week -
oh, I really did have a
I like to smoke my pipe
a lot - but the tobacco
costs too much -
It is my only pleasure -
the sex is out of touch!!
We now have a new
home help - his name
is Marigold Winston -
But because he's like
a woman - I call it
He prances about in a
pinny - and he talks
in an African dialect -
Why did the bloody
council pick him? Could
they not be a bit more
Now I call him Marigold -
he's always prancing
He really is an eyesore -
he always has to shout!
But he does know his
place - he loves his
He cooks and cleans
like a demented queen -
and he cleans my dirty
My wife, Else, God Bless
her soul - is up in
But the DHSS stopped
her pension - she's left
me skint - the cow!
I've called the social
services - they are no
They act just like the
DHSS - they don't pay
me like they should!
My name is Alfred
Garnett - and I often
have a beer -
It is my only pleasure -
now I've lost my, Elsie'
People say I'm a racist -
and a bigot, and a
I think they've got the
wrong person - some
said I was their saviour!!!!
I love to watch West Ham -
(up the hammers) - and
watch it all for nothing;
'I even used a wheelchair -
while the stewards weren't
I want to say goodbye
to you - and I thank you
for being true,
Oh, how I miss my Elsie -
that bloody silly moo!!
Burying dead bodies usually takes place
In fancy holes dug on some land space.
Most people dig those holes somewhere nice
But sometimes they don’t have a choice.
Some people burn dead bodies to ashes
And this really saves on available land spaces.
Sometimes dead bodies are buried at sea
And slowly sink into muck for eternity.
Other fancy holes are dug large enough,
For the removal of some valuable stuff.
Sometimes these holes are dug somewhere nice
And most times people don’t have a choice.
When all the valuable stuff’s gone offshore
The hole is back-filled and land space restored.
Today we can dig holes in the seafloor
Right through the eternal muck and more.
Holes should be dug to bury the dead
And to remove valuable stuff instead.
This record player has a switch
Then there is the pitch and ditch
When Lizzie (Borden) saw what she's done
Thought to herself that was so much fun
So she whack them again
And again and again
Then laughed aloud at what she's done!
Dorian Petersen Potter
Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?
Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”
i have crafted and shafted and then re positioned
divulged and indulged to precise disposition
yet frankly my points are most blunt at the end and my walls tend to fall at the slightest of bends
be it not such a bridge but a try at amends, with a friend who is quite hard of hearing
come step in my cauldron both women and children, these are the crimes i admit to both willinging and wildered
For i am the poet of pilgrims ,
what was left has been pillaged and raped, and only i who had managed escape
have been left to rebuild from the timbers
When you're hurt inside,
And there's no where to hide,
And there's no one on your side,
And it's killing your pride,
Never take hate outside,
When your heart is chocking,
The heavy words never spoken,
The things that hurt you inside,
When love has died,
Never take hate outside,
When your heart is gone,
From being alone,
And it beats a solemn tone,
When you're cold inside,
It's only a short ride,
Never take hate outside
To Dine, To Die;
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.
Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.
An endless groan
The debate grants no throne.
Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.
"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.
As I sit here and wonder what went wrong,
I realized, nothing went wrong.
People say it was your time to leave this world,
to go and see your savior, your God.
But really, everyone knows it was your Johnny boy, the Fisherman.
He couldn't spend another second without you.
His beautiful lover, the wonderful mother, the amazing grandmother.
As I sit here and wonder about what you're doing,
I imagine you two dancing and singing with your buddies from Bailo's.
I imagine you watching over your family and leading them in the right direction.
I could almost see you sitting on the bleachers for my high school graduation,
and I started to tear up knowing you were there watching.
As I sit here and wonder about you,
I know you miss us just as much as we miss you.
Ryan and Jackie will never know how kind and gentle you were, like a summer breeze.
Bella will never know how generous and humorous you were, making everyone laugh.
But I will know, and I will tell them, even if it is with tears in my eyes.
As I sit here and wonder about my future,
I think of you.
You always knew I was going to be a successful person.
And I always believed you.
my number one role model. My favorite grandmother.
My best friend.
RIP Roberta J. Kobstad
You will be forever missed.
I woke up one morning,
A pain rose through my head;
I looked down at the mattress,
And saw that I was dead!
My wife stood there crying,
While the kids loudly wept;
Somehow I had slipped away,
That night I'd soundly slept!
Those who truly hated me,
Were suddenly my kin;
Oh, how worldly possessions,
Makes them forget your sins!
Ripping through our front door,
Like a big ol' rabid bear;
They took my simple clothing,
Even my favorite chair!
My flat screen and computer,
Waltzed right through the door;
Those dirty, rotten savages,
Stepped back in for more!
My wife called the cops,
They arrived in an hour or so;
The scene was a mini battlefield,
As they joined in on the fiasco!
Pictures, lamps, and dishes,
These animals didn't care;
They took the last roll of toilet paper,
Who said that crap was fair?!
Both cars were missing,
No one cares about the dead;
I was stripped completely naked,
While I laid there on my bed!
Thank God these human rodents,
Never returned for more;
All that remained for my family,
Was a box spring on the floor!
Although I never died that day,
I embraced a nightmare's chill;
I dashed for a pen and paper,
Then started on my will!
An “Angel of the Odd” curiosity provokes
The Angel of Death is more welcome than he
Wine bottles in a keg? What is it this angel smokes?
“The narrator’s house,” says Poe with wicked glee
Things are never as they seem in Poe’s fantasy
Much as in life, we trade one monster for the next
And for unlucky blokes, there’s no amnesty
So listen for Poe’s laugh when you feel vexed
Oddities abound in a world with no rules
Poe has no patience for “sensible” solutions
An angel he creates to make men seem fools
Perhaps you’re next in line for this angel’s executions
Who would be so brazen as to poke fun at Poe?
Even as Poe toys with your sanity
You may find yourself fleeing the Kraken in a hoe
Only to be swallowed by a fierce manatee
*Written February 15, 2014 for Craig Cornish’s “Angel of the Odd” contest
Everyone has a theory on what killed out all the great big Dinosaurs.
I’m the only one who knows, what happened, that stopped their roars.
It’s just a little common sense, to figure out what it was, I conclude.
You see, all those big Dinosaurs were eating up tons of yummy food.
And you must surely know that, what goes in, has to come out, too.
Yep, you’re beginning to get my drift, as it was caused by dino-poop.
I’ll admit, dragon gave me the idea, as I daily continue to pooper scoop.
But there’s a difference between then and now, for volume was the oops.
Man! Those were voracious BIG eating machines… You begin to see?
The black layer, found in the ground, all over the world, was completely…
Made of ashed, Dino-poop! You see? The world was covered, miles deep…
In the building dino-poop, they say, there’s also, methane there, in heaps.
So where did it come from? Yep you guessed it, again… Dino-poop.
It came out of the dino- poop, while being squished into fields of oil.
And why do you think, it was a comet, came in and blew them all away?
All it took was a streak of lightening in the pollution of the air, one day.
Yep, one little spark ignited… to get rid of the old, and in with the new.
Methane is highly explosive, and nitroglycerine, comes from poop, too.
You see, no one destroyed them, they did it all to themselves! Ya think?
Why are there still dragons? Because fire doesn’t bother them, so rethink!
Explosions couldn’t get to them, since they don’t poop inside their big caves.
Yep, Dragons were the very first, ecology minded living things, of that day.
That’s why…Dragons are on Chinese calendars and not dinosaurs today.
So that’s why Dragons are smug, self-centered and expect to be obeyed.
Because they’re the only ones, my dear, who knew what was coming, there.
Still, they tried to warn all the dinosaurs, which refused to listen, anywhere.
So they retreated into their caves, for a long nuclear winter of restful sleep.
Grandpa Troll confirmed it, for he slept there, with Dragons, in caverns deep.
Now I ask you, would you go into a cave of dragons, as your ancestors did do?
Or would you be one of the oblivious, who back then… didn’t have a clue?
2-11-2015 Dragon says potty humor rocks!
At the sound of the first horn, the joke becomes ill,
And there is just no amount of comedic skill,
That can hide its indecency, but try he will,
And despite its poor taste, he will use it still.
Upon the second horn, The Heckler appears,
And the joke is now met with insensitive jeers,
“Is that all you’ve got?!” he does scoff as he sneers,
And upon confrontation he sits there and leers.
The third horn is sounded and Silence arrives,
And of applause and of laughter he cruelly deprives,
Starving the joke of the food he derives,
From the merriment upon which every joke thrives.
The last horn is sounded and the final death stroke,
Is dealt upon our poor unfortunate joke,
He lets out a wheeze and gives a small choke
And at last did our poor whimsy finally croak.
‘Tis the end of the line for our jolly old friend,
And there is no amount of first aid that could mend,
The injuries to what the comedian penned,
For our tired joke has met its sweet end.
I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized;
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise!
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!)
A magic Martyr- now crucified,
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies!
(The Romans make such grand displays...)
If but one of you would thus believe,
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being
You could be nailed the same as me!
An aspiring marine
is assuredly green,
but he's not as much green
as a drowned marine.
Finns dog just died
And a loyal friend was he
I picked two shovels up
And passed one to McGee
It's body in a box
Was carried just by Finn
As we slowly made the walk
Where the funeral would begin
As we made it to the church yard
Father Shamus met us there
As he looked inside the box, he said
"You can't bury THAT in here"
Finn looked so heart brokin'
And McGee began to cry
So I took it on me self to ask
Where might we ,let him lie
Father Shamus said,
"There are Baptist down the road
I'm not sure of their believes
but, it's OK I've been told
"And Father", Finn replied
"Do you'd think that they would mind
I'd like to donate thousands
For this gesture, that's so kind
"BEJEEZUS !" Said The Father
"Are you all that bloody thick
Why didn't you first tell me
Your dog was a .......Catholic"