I stare in the mirror, my tears fall in vain
Can’t see my reflection through the veil of this pain.
Who is this person I struggle to see?
I don’t want to judge her but it’s surely not me.
This stranger I cast looks so tired and weak,
I wish I could help her but I’m frightened to speak.
Cause it’s dark and lonely in this shell where I’m bound
Where once there was laughter, is now void of sound.
and the beauty I knew in just yesterday’s time,
seems gone in an an instant with life’s rythym and rhyme…..
Then GOD he spoke child…What do you mean?
You’re more beautiful than anything that I’ve ever seen!
The reflection you cast it don’t matter to me,
What matters is that you can see what I see.
That your spirit is filled with a breath that is true.
And a beauty so deep that this world can’t undo.
I know that your journey seems to heavy to bear.
But I’ve given you family that love and who care.
So hold on tight through the dips and the turns,
For the ones who believe are the precious who learns.
And wether your journey is to stay here or go,
Please know I love you so much more than you know.
I wish I could tell you the beauty that awaits…
But you will know only, when you see heavens gates.
THE WIDOW'S DAY
He’d been dead for forty years
But she carried on each day
Got up at eight and dressed
Ate luncheon on a tray
No bride was kissed as well
No groom felt more complete
And one year was their gift
When Fate served them defeat
She should have followed him
But life grabbed her instead
Who is to say what’s better
The living or the dead
Each day as sun drew low
She tossed a glass of wine
Lolled on the white porch swing
And took a dip through time
His shadow found her then
She touched his rugged face
It emphasized the fact
No one would take his place
And though she craved wild nights--
Cold loneliness was cruel--
she lived her life alone
becoming no man's fool.
I watch how your eyes flutter on the brink
of waking; and here, as I think in the moon's reflection, I drink
in the quiet, my confidence shakes while
inviting your touch, and longing your smile
to wrap me in warm arms, embracing my solitude;
yet, I'm lost in the parchment, the pale of the light, as stars in a multitude
comfort me tonight. My lonely heart, confused,
reaching out, seeing you, a face bemused
with careless abandonment. You are deep
in the center of your own universe, asleep
and leave me alone with notion that you willingly go...
far away to your dreams, to places I cannot know:
With each breath, private, and shallow,
I'm left, lost, bereft, and hollow
This I know....
I envy you, loathe that my slumber forsakes,
so I could be with you, in that distant reverie. I hesitate,
to wake you, I can't help but wonder, do you stream
away on a cloud and with the mistress of your dreams ?
For Suz's Contest:"Let's Be Open" 7/12/13
The scent of water
If summer sun at its vertex will not perspire,
How would I burning in hell will respire ?
If sparrow sits on mango tree with open beak,
I too am surely craving for a water streak,
If in the desert, the rainfall fails to revive,
How can I without your love survive ?
Loneliness has left me parched and dry,
Lover's lanes empty, pleasant meets a far cry,
The long dark night, seems so unending,
To my injured self, Is there any mending ?
If you can, give me a bit of sunshine,
Then why would I need the addicting wine ?
Hope is all that sustains my life,
Might take me out of the current strife,
The Scent of water, as clouds appear in sky,
Oh Rain! come rain, I am about to die,
Give your divine showers so as I may thrive,
Bloom may with tiny drops, even the cacti !
Written on 15/7/14
Contest- the scent of water
Sponsor- Faye Gibson
If I picked my Valentine
she'd be a perfect 10.
She'd have blonde hair with highlites
and answer where and when.
She'd be a little shorter,
yet tall enough to kiss.
Her reach a little longer
to torture us in bliss.
Her shape would be the bomb.
As sexy as they come.
With hair up for the moment
I'd meet her at the prom.
She'd talk a little faster
with words I'd say are smart.
Yet keep me to attention
in hugs up to my heart.
A smile just like a lion.
Her face a source of pride.
One to show my mother.
And then to make my bride.
My Valentine was perfect
as I lost her way back then.
How was I to know that she
would find her perfect 10.
No valentine on Valentine's.
I haven't met one yet.
Each year I wait another
for a person I've not met.
There's nothing I've done wrong:
yet waiting is in vain.
And all that's left is hope
that love's a ball and chain.
It's been some time ago I sat alone
Watching mountains swallow a setting sun
Realizing my shadow had joined me there on the wall
I visited my vision before night could fall
Up, was how I was wearing my hair
Empty arms reached for no one there
Dark shadows hid the tears in my eyes
Deep green and sleepy from a day filled with lies
The image appeared startled as I arose
Turning to observe the shape of my nose
As my hand reached toward the last bits of day
Shadow followed me all the way
I force a smile believing God hears me now
Joining in prayer, me and my shadow bow
I wonder when comes end of day
Will my shadow vision stay
For I felt so, not so all alone
When shadow joined me with setting sun
Today is gone, tomorrow we'll see
If my, where my, shadow finds me
Copyright © 2012
(A Purpose So Clear)
Like children we fear
In secret a somber tear
Like learning to walk
Babies listen to talk
And reach for a hand
To help them stand
This too, we all must do
By HIS Hand made anew
I remember the day
When I walked away
Not even saying goodbye
Just leaving you with a lie
When our kiss was French
And we were at that bench
Sitting under that tree
It happened so magically
But my heart started racing because of the heat
Unfortunately so did me feet
Now it feels like my heart was hit by a wrench
As I sit here thinking of you, on this lonely bench
I need to get out the walls are closing in
I'm going into town just to breathe again
A girl became my world and it grew small
The only place out was a restaurant or mall
I disconnected with most of my close friends
She monopolized my life and listed my sins
And then to hear that there was another schmuck
It was no good for me and also his dumb luck
Funny how angry you feel to one who's a stranger
Threatening each other with all kinds of danger
But tonight I'll visit a pub down on lonely street
You never know in that place who you'll meet.
*This poem is one in a series of fiction poems
touching on this topic
Pretty girl dancing on stage with an edge.
Hiding softness with cold eyes that look dead.
Costumes and glitter a mans fantasy.
Not the person she thought one day she'd be.
Daddy's little girl that was yesterday.
Today she's Lost in the rolls that she plays.
She looks in the eyes of the men as they stare.
Dancing and giarating swinging her hair.
Feeling the beat as she moves to the song.
Trying to believe she's doing nothing wrong.
Hoots and hollers they say take it all off.
Dirty old man at the front with a cough.
Dancing for money she has bigger dreams.
At home all alone her tears fall in streams.
A few more months maybe another year
Yet look at these girls that are still dancing here
Lies so convincing one day they will stop
Pouring out dreams never reaching the top
Nobody is around me,
The figure heard is inside to be,
My heart feels cold,
Looking around feeling bought, or sold.
Characters seeking the way,
On the bench I watch as they play.
No heart to feel love,
Each who opens I choose to shove,
Shove out of anything to do with me,
Feeling as if there's no more to see.
I'm lonely in a world so defined,
Defined with labels; I'm not intertwined,
Hurt from one can last,
Now I can go with out people; I fast.
They talk up the pace of the rhythm as they do,
Although I'm lonely; I do have a clue.
Quiet lurks around every bend,
When will my voice speak out the thoughts I send?
A sponge I hold as my mind,
To take in each thing I find.
Looking over my shoulder,
Keeping my head up to those colder.
The loneliness is a box of space,
Filled up with each and every face.
You're not judged by my naked eye,
I'm a lonely one; the one who is shy.
The number one is first on the chart,
Giving this three letter word a head start.
One day I won't be so lonely I pray,
But Mr. Lonely I'll be until that day.
There are no juicy apples here,
No scones with jam and cream,
No lazy weekday rendezvous,
No love to reign supreme.
Alone she turns to face the storm,
Though she wants to run and hide,
From the realties she's faced with,
She said she's ok, but she lied.
Security has melted away,
And replaced itself with dread,
Strategies have made her weak,
No more plotting in her head.
It's time to pull the pin on it,
And see if the **** explodes,
She can no longer walk with this on her back,
It's such a heavy load.
She's not one who likes to whine and moan
She seeks to understand
But sometimes life seems easier
When someone can hold your hand.
Days are long and nights are short.
To last through time I will need an escort.
But yesterday I heard the news
my escort is gone, to heaven he flew.
I saw the feathers from his wings fell
in the lonely nights did time love to dwell.
Even so, I still need him nevertheless
though I know he's there, giving me his bless.
It's easy to walk with a pair of legs,
to fly with wings, not some wooden pegs.
The flesh was raw but now it has rot
with attempts to untangle this strangled knot.
I am in pain, in severe pain
and all this sadness do I wish to feign.
But he is gone, everything is gone.
Hopefully I'll live to see the upcoming dawn.
Hidden from view her dulcet voice rings out
carrying her dreams across the ocean with no doubt
She knows one day she will find him as she sings of love
as she swims the ocean she is met by a white dove
A letter it holds in its beak from a mortal man
her voice has enthralled him, although it carries a ban
Curious she swims to the beach where he is sat
only once there she finds him a bit too fat
Sighing she continues her lonely search
a voice rings out calling her to a rocky arch
There she espies the merman from her dream
together at long last, they swim now as a team
At long last she is no longer alone, to him she is now bound
together their songs sing out filling the ocean with magical sound
Hello, darling come right in
I want to feel you on skin
Hold me, do not let me go
I hide feelings that you don’t know
Do you miss me, my sweet love?
My little angel from above
I daydream of you repeatedly
But do you ever think of me?
I need to see your lovely face
Your smile that sent me up to space
I crave the sound of your sweet voice
As I remember when you made me rejoice
I’m going crazy day by day
The more that you are far away
I kiss the rain in thought of you
My neighbors think I’m crazy too
All I beg is that you don’t forget
Together until death; Romeo and Juliet
My mind’s shutting down, my heart’s getting cold
There is nothing left to hold
So I kiss the rain to feel your touch
As I remember that sweet rush
Only dark clouds since you have gone
Raindrops falling one by one
I feel them pressing on my lips
I feel them sliding on my hips
And I imagine you right next to me
Here to stay for eternity
Even my mind not stilled by silence
my thoughts outraged with hurt and hate
as Im dumbfounded with confusion
leaving the cause to no debate,
I cannot tell you what is wrong
to tell you means I'd have to trust,
and my heart no longer feels willing,
beating only cause it must.
I feel a dead man live my life
I see his cold abandoned heart,
I hear his agonising cries
as he is torn more apart,
knowing no peace, no rest I find
having no comfort, stuck in a bind
a vagabond, alone in his life
Ive been cut off, betrayal was the knife.
awaiting death, and still much worse
my whole life upon this earth
seems like a scheme to take my worth
and bring me to nothing,
such is my curse
and i fear the effects
may never reverse
and make believe that I am cursed.
the way I feel too great for words
too great to bear such constant hurt
my soul depressed and left prostrate
before God to help, I hope it works. . .
There was a girl that no-one knew her name
Everybody took for a silly little game
Every day she was crying
Every day she was lying
Until one day, she found a place to hide
And then she tried to commit suicide
But she was saved by someone very nice
But then tried to do it twice
But the second time she was afraid to do it again
So she started to get rid of her hate and pain
After a few days, she was strong and happy
That girl was I and my name is Julie
Now she doesn’t forget her powerful beauty Lives every day knowing that she’s lovely
Not worrying about what people say For great things were made from muddiest clay
Holds in her heart her power which is love For she was made from the Creator above
She doesn’t try to be somebody that you’re not She learned to be content and appreciate what you’ve got
She doesn’t forget whom she’s meant to be Never giving up she stays as bold as the sea
In eclipse of rage
Behind this social cage
I am a loner….
For the parched sunshines
And for the raven whines
I am a loner….
I bicker for the gratitude
to live with an attitude
I am a loner….
With the perks of fear
There is a happiness I smear
I am a loner….
For the shrinking seas
And the expanding desires
I am a loner….
The sane and sanity goes for a ride
For there’s no rule which I abide
I am a loner….
Like a droplet in the sea bowl
I am a free soul
I am a loner….
To a place called home
I wonder where I roam
I am a loner
If love is a hunger.Then my heart is
empty.The pains run deeper then
the pacific ocean floor.So many
lovers my heart feels like a revolving
door.I ask my mother to feed me
cause i hunger for her love .She
gave me the left over scraps from
my sisters and brother.barely
enough to stop the pain.I ask my
father to feed me and he only feeds
my mother ,and when he
remembers that I have no love he
says hes fresh out.I asked my
husband to feed me .But he cant
even make food.He gives me a
dinner mint of lust .It disappears as
soon as it touches my
lips.Countless lovers taking from an
already starved heart. The inner
parts of my heart consumed by the
love given but never received.My
heart is just and empty hollow lining
.So empty the hunger pains can
never be felt again.
Finding solace in the shadows,
Eyes burning from the day's glaring glow,
Looking inside for the flickering flame,
searching deep for something without a name,
Lost in darkness, the abyss taunting,
Clear thinking replaced by relentless wanting,
A voice in the distance, a whisper on the wind,
Insanity on the outside a manifestation of within,
Sinking deeper into the mire,
Clawing at the walls, reaching an inch higher,
Arms grow weary, breathing slows,
Into my lungs the murky flows.
Time passes at lonely place.
Heart waits to see.
Wait for moment.
Somebody comes closer for next.
Shameful eye covered with dress.
Love penetrates for future.
Branches swings to and fro.
Calm and cool air touches me.
Heart waits to see.
Blow of air causes to swing branches.
Leaf drops, heart fulfilled with charms.
As I sit in silence I begin to realize what you mean to me.
I'm hoping through all the bull*****our familys will come to see.
Your my everything.
No longer just a fling.
Babe this sh*t is real.
Sign my name on you like we're a deal.
Its been a year,
yes 12 months.
No longer needing to hunt,
I've found the one.
We can be serious or just have fun.
Through all the the mistakes,
my heart no longer aches.
One more year and its a wrap
No more having to deal with this petty bull crap.
This sweatshirt around me,
Is the closest we can be.
I hate the miles between us.
You have no idea how much i think about just hoping on a bus.
I just want to be with you,
So sick of feeling alone and blue.
A lonely person will be twice alone
when he will get at last his own clone.
Alone, inside my head
Is my heart truly dead
Does it merely slumber
In a restless sleep
Hoping to be awoken
By a love yet to meet
In a room with no walls
Nowhere to hide
The solitude thrashing
To kill me inside
I want to let go
I want to not care
Just let It take over
My smile a blank stare
So tired of fighting
To save my weak soul
The loneliness winning
I've lost all control
Could someone save me
How could they know
My smile just a smokescreen
So my pain doesn't show
If they could but peer
Deep in my eyes
Perhaps they would hear
My laughs turn to sighs
Would they then stop
To care how I felt
Wrap me in love
To make my heart melt
Awaken you sad fool
That's all just a dream
Is the field you must glean
A windowless mansion stands on a no man`s land
In it there`s a dark tomb made by my own hand
Here I`m buried with memories I treasure, here
I`m tormented by sensations of pain and pleasure
Every thought of you is a new brick in the wall
Images of fantasies decorate the haunted hall
I summoned angels, wished they lived with me here
But they turned into demons of jealousy and fear
Such sinister creatures know nothing of charity
The price for my pleasures will be my sanity
Standing alone in the chessboard of life...
Distinguishing between the black & the white...
A hell lot of allies all around...
But yet I'm solitary when rivals surround:
I'm the king of the clan yet...
A paltry pawn is also a threat!
In the chequered track as I inch ahead,
A thousand fears dangle over my head...
In every step,all is at stake...
Ruins will rain with my slightest mistake!
Sometimes,I fear my own men~
As if conspiracy is there in their Ken;
Fed up I am with the thorns in the throne....
Having plethora of possessions,there is nothing that I own!!!
From the deepest shadows
To my hidden sorrows
In a land full of disease
Where the fire cannot cease
A place where a lonely sin
Hunts my lust
Throwing me into the dust
And when I wake up from your dream
Wishing you'd be my greatest sin
I lose my actions and my destiny
My desire to be your mistery
And bow upon my chosen fate
And my desire to be your mate
And now a lonely child is born
With no desire to watch porn
Society bans him
With the desire to be mean
He desires Everything
But there is no such thing
He outsmarts Everyone
Yet he loves No One
He commited greatest sin
To have no desire within
Loneliness and lack of passion
Made his heart enjoy no fashion
But there is someshe in his brain
One she which fights in vain the pain
Killing the beast which has the right
To have his life and throw no light
There not the same my heart and brain,
this can lead to a lot of pain.
My brain loves nices,
my heart thinks of vices.
They make me pay some heavy prices
which is stronger I'm not sure,
or which one I should follow more.
My heart gravitates to purity,
then my brain lashes out for security.
The crazy thing is that I can see
that none of this is good for me
I'm stuck in a bind,
as I can't find...
a way to escape this duality
and find some peace inside of me
I'm not alone in this terrible bind
if you get too close you'll become entwined
forever pushing away and forever pulling close
especially those I adore the most
I hope theres a time when there will be
a unity where they fucking agree
My heart can be rather nice,
my brain is sometimes cold as ice
and always wants to be the best
While my heart screams out "you're just like the rest!"
Robin, Where Are You
I am with God and never will be afraid
Never struggling now while in the shade
Where calmness within me runs so deep;
And eagerly eat God's word and go to sleep.
Will finish later
Cardboard City, a place of fear
Loneliness and terror always near.
The wind echoes all around
People so scared, make not a sound.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
People look on, but from the inside.
Amongst the fear are drugs and violence,
Some spend their lives living in silence.
Begging and scrounging, all for a feed,
Amongst the riches of capitalist greed.
Runaway or throwaway, they are all the same
Some only identified by a made up name.
Hope of a future, a lifetime away
Nothing but fear in the life of a stray.
Inner child are you asleep?
I've wrapped you up so warm and deep
oh sleeping child will you awaken?
I am so lonely and forsaken.
I won't let others hurt you dear,
not the way you used to fear.
I'll protect you and caress you,
comb your hair and feed and dress you.
Then you share with me the things,
like crystal shards in frozen springs,
that glisten in your shattered eyes,
I 'm sorry I ignored your cries,
and left you there to face the night,
alone and lonely ,out of sight.